#there are some things that I feel if they are emotionally significant enough to a character or has been held to be collectively true

[madlori]

On Tommy Kinard

"It's not that I don't like Buck and Tommy, it's just happening so fast, he's underdeveloped!"

*clears throat*

Here is a recap of what we know about Tommy. And this is just off the top of my head, I didn't rewatch anything.

He was closeted at the 118 before and found the atmosphere repressive. He (probably) acted like a dick to fit in. When presented with the chance to make things better, he took it, and developed positive relationships with Hen, Chim and Bobby.

He was in the army and trained there as a pilot.

He knows Muay Thai and has a set up in his house.

He likes to work on cars and has a lift at his house (where TF does he live is my question - he has some nerve being agog at Buck's loft if he has a muay thai gym and a car lift)

He is down for violating departmental policy at the drop of a hat (has done so on at least two occasions) to help a friend and has no problems fucking with the fire chief.

He is a nerd. He likes pub trivia and has incorrect Star Wars opinions, and can keep up with Chim in the movie-quoting department.

His favorite movie is "Love, Actually" and he likes craft beer and monster trucks.

He came out when he transferred to Harbor and felt comfortable enough to stop lying about who he was.

He follows MMA and has friends in Vegas who like him well enough to hook him up to a frankly insane degree.

He'll risk his own life and engage in helicopter skulduggery to save people he doesn't know...I mean, apart from doing that for a living.

He'll take time out of his day to give a tour to the cute boy who called him up and offer to give that boy flying lessons (a significant time investment) which was probably maybe about more one on one time with said boy.

He yearns for the belonging and found family that the 118 became after his departure and probably befriended Eddie hoping to earn a plate at the cookout, aside from just clicking with him.

He likes Eddie and Chris a lot and they like him. Chimney also likes him.

He was attracted to Buck right away and was emotionally aware enough to pick up on Buck's jealous feelings over Eddie and his friendship, even if he was surprised that it was him Buck wanted to get to know.

He respects and values Buck and Eddie's friendship and wanted to make sure Buck knew that.

He's brave enough to shoot his shot by planting one on a dude.

He's a lil bitchy but also generous and ready to throw in with this insane guy who's inviting him to a family wedding after 0.5 dates.

He showed up to a bachelor party when he was on call because Buck asked him to, then showed up in turnouts after fighting a fire for like 12 hours yadda yadda we all know this part.

He has got it BAD for one Evan Buckley, who he only calls "Evan" which according to LFJR is a conscious decision by the writers, which fascinates me.

He was willing to take a chance with a man just discovering his sexuality BUT wasn't willing to put himself through that if the man in question wasn't ready for it. When Buck showed him that he was, he was all in.

He does NOT take his coffee like that.

Oh and

He's a beast.

This is VASTLY more information than we knew about ANY of Buck's previous girlfriends with the possible exception of Abby. Even Taylor did not get this much development over 20 episodes (things we knew about her: she was an ambitious and ethically flexible reporter, did not eat fudge, had a dad in jail, and sometimes jogged for exercise, she was capable of being nice and did love Buck, I believe). And as for it being fast? Sometimes it just be like that? A relationship doesn't have to have year(s) of buildup. Sometimes people do just meet, like each other, and start dating, in fact in the real world that's usually what happens. It's in TV Land that you have to have eighteen seasons of UST before pulling the trigger. Most of the time in reality people just vibe off each other and decide to go out and THEN they learn about each other.

And they've got a great start. You'd think they'd barely spoken by how a few naysayers are talking about it - the loft scene was like a solid five minutes of very open conversation, the Cringe Date seemed to have gone well and again, open and honest (if cringey) conversation before Cockblocker Eddie showed up, and the coffee meetup was again....open and honest conversation. They're not gonna show us long scenes of them exchanging firefighting stories and workout preferences (I mean, I'd watch that, but it's not what the show is about).

In conclusion, anyone saying he's poorly developed or the relationship is "out of nowhere" either is being willfully obtuse or has ridiculously unrealistic expectations for relationships and/or what constitutes character development.

As for whether they have chemistry, that's a matter of subjective opinion. Given that a TON of people watched that harbor tour scene (even when it was posted as a sneak peek) and started going "wait...what's going on here...are they flirting??" might be a clue. People were talking about Bi!Buck maybe happening with Tommy based solely off that clip of the harbor tour and what they were seeing between them. And imho that loft scene was crackling. But we all see things through the lenses of our biases, myself included.

Got that off my chest, whew.

[theteablogger]

You may have already noted this, but Andy's claims on twitter about being able to understand what his sparrow is saying (and thus sparrow language in general) seem to be ramping up in unbelievability- apparently yesterday the bird was able to communicate that it didn't want its conversation with other sparrows recorded and shared. Andy makes mention of several of his followers who have apparently been having FaceTime calls with the bird. There's at least 5-6 of Andy's followers who consistently comment on the bird updates and show no credulity, expressing how much they want to be able to communicate with the bird like Andy does. It's probably not the biggest deal, but the whole thing has just been giving me an odd vibe. Feels like Andy once again making friends/followers by demonstrating abilities and knowledge no one else has.

Yes, his allegedly deep connection with sparrows has been getting weird for quite a while. He says he can understand some of their language, enough to relay things that the flock outside his house is talking about and things that Nuggie communicates to him. On top of that, Andy has written about things like Nuggie watching movies and musicals and following every emotional beat, to the point of showing the characters his malformed feet to offer encouragement when they're lacking confidence. Andy is anthropomorphizing the hell out of that little bird. Meanwhile, his followers praise him for knowing sparrows better than ornithologists do.

I've lived with a parrot before, for many years, and I bonded very closely with him. I agree that birds are much smarter and more emotionally complex than most people realize. But they're not humans. Their thoughts and feelings are not exactly like ours and we have no way to know exactly what's going on in their heads. Projecting onto them can lead to misunderstandings of their behavior and needs. Andy seems to be taking good care of Nuggie, from what I can tell--bearing in mind that we only have his word for it--but that doesn't mean he's right about everything.

Here's the thread you mentioned:

Here's Andy in November, writing about Nuggie's "phone flock":

Here's a thread from October, featuring Andy's musings on sparrow language. Friendly reminder that he is neither an ornithologist nor a linguist.

Note that at the end, he specifies that he's not Dr. Doolittle and doesn't speak or 100% understand sparrows' language...but he's still claiming a level of understanding that no one else has.

And here's Andy in August, wishing that he could communicate effectively with Nuggie and then having an actual conversation with him:

Those are some awfully complex ideas for a member of a non-human species to understand and respond to appropriately.

I'm not trying to suggest that Andy is forming another cult based around his bird, but like you said, Anon, it's notable that he is once again positioning himself as someone who has a special ability that no one else has. He's also repeating an old pattern in making himself the sole conduit to communicate with someone who holds a great deal of emotional significance for people. Back in the day, it was any of 160+ "others", and later, the DAYDverse/Harry Potter characters; now, it's a rescued sparrow with a disability, whom a lot of people apparently find inspiring.

[doctorho]

dripping velvet, purring dark

Academy era Viktor x fem! curvy reader, 4.5k, no warnings only love in this house (ok there is a conversation about some people being idiots which can be interpreted as the reader getting unwanted attention at a party but it's nothing graphic or anything i promise and no-one is mean to her) also i made viktor horny and slightly subby because that's what the gremlins in my brain wanted. you're welcome. yeah! hi! not sure what this is, but here you go. the reader is described as she/her here (and curvy, and soft, and she is wearing an evening gown, because i wanted to think about pretty dresses). idk. have a thing. happy friday.

Viktor likes to think of himself as a person who's usually capable of focusing on things pretty well. On the task at hand. Give him a faulty circuit and he'll poke at it long enough to find the broken component, no problem. An error in the calculations? He'll find that missing minus sign or forgotten exponent, easy. He'll strip a wire in his sleep.

The task at hand now, though? The problem?

He had to sit through a whole evening of presentations at the academy end-of-year party, put on a polite face for the investors, and pretend not to care that one idiot after another was lining up to flirt with you while he was watching from the sidelines. You were wearing a dress that felt sinful to look at, and there was something primitive gnawing at the inside of his chest begging to be let out, and he had to just stand there and nod through the conversations, pretend he wasn't slowly boiling from the inside out.

And he was failing miserably. 

He’d known he was in trouble from the moment he saw you that night – all expensive fabric covering smooth curves and soft-looking skin, sparkling eyes and easy smiles, and he’d been done for. Before this, it’d been much easier to compartmentalize his feelings; before this, it'd been easier to ignore them. 

Before he’d kept his distance, emotionally and physically speaking, because, well, it’d been easier. He'd seen you around the Academy, all bubbling laughs and raw-honest radiant smiles and confident solutions, and he'd known that you looked…appealing, but he wasn't in the habit of holding up any illusions about what you might think of him in return. His place was in the dark dusty corner of the lab, turning over the ever-ticking problems, while you were out there shining like the sun. And sometimes you came by the lab, with new ideas or suggestions or just to borrow some equipment or ask about a shipment, and he had resigned to his role of staying at his desk pretending he wasn't burning to be closer to your orbit. 

But when he sees you in the low lighting of the party, leaning to the bar and laughing, something just breaks in him. And then he can’t pretend to ignore it any longer. And sure, maybe he’s a little bit drunk, it was easier to stand these events that way, but it still feels like a solid-honest truth in his bones that he wanted to get closer to you, and suddenly he couldn’t stand the conversation he was in the middle of. Because one of them – the sour idiots he’d catalogued in his head for the whole night, the stupid people trying to impress you with their embellished stories and inherited wealth who weren’t worth your time – one of them was circling you like a hyena again, smiling.

You were wearing a dark, floor-length gown that wasn’t, on a purely technical level, much different from what about 50% of the other guests were wearing. However, it seemed to create a significant caveat that even though there wasn’t anything indecent in the dress itself, seeing it on you made him feel like maybe he shouldn’t look at you for too long or he might spontaneously combust. There was a slit on the side that revealed a more than generous amount of leg when you walked, and his focus kept wandering from that to your silhouette, the soft curve of your hips, your chest, your face – no, that’s worse, don’t stare, she'll notice – and truly, he had to force himself to keep his eyes at least vaguely on the vicinity of the person who was currently talking to him. Something about statistics and return investment. Yes. 

He nods, pretending to look interested.

The dress drapes over your hips in soft little cascades, the fabric shimmering lightly as you moved, and something in his brain was itching, begging to run his fingers over it, to know what it feels like, to know what you feel like under it, all soft and warm and pliable under his fingers, and preferably sighing something into the crook of his neck, and–

“We'd like to get our investment back within a year,” the guy that's talking to him says – Viktor can't even remember his name, and he doesn’t really even care – and he just shifts his eyes back to the guy slowly. 

“A year?” he repeats, with the barest amount of feigned interest, and the guy goes off in a whole new tangent. Viktor shifts his posture, and lets his eyes glide over to where you were again. 

One of those idiots, one he thankfully doesn’t have the displeasure of knowing personally but who must be the son of some crooked diplomat, says something to you and you scoff through a smile, roll your eyes, and lean further into the counter at the bar. Viktor has to pretend to be present for his own conversation – yes, the new coating material for the wires was more heat-resistant, no, there was still the issue of mechanical stress, they were working on it – and you say something in answer to the current idiot (third of the night, he’d counted), and it is killing him that he doesn’t know what it is. 

You’d turned down the first two, from what he could tell. But this latest idiot was still talking to you, like he was in any way entitled to your company. And it's making something inside Viktor raise its hackles, and he doesn’t especially like feeling like that, because he couldn't justify feeling like that to himself in any tangible way, and then it all just boiled down to a resigned even if she deserves better than that i have no business dictating that for her. 

He's just about to focus on the conversation he was supposedly participating in again when something happens. He can't make out the details, but imbecile number three seems to lean way too close to you, says something, and smiles in a way that makes something cold creep down the back of Viktor's neck. And your expression coldens, too, and you say something to him, and turn away, more rigid than you'd been the whole evening. 

“Excuse me,” Viktor is saying to the Investment Guy before he can fully think it through, his own voice feeling distant in his ears, and then he's walking to the bar. 

You're alone – the idiot had had the sense to leave you alone quickly, at least. That's good. Viktor isn't sure what he's doing, but then he's leaning to the bar next to you and ordering another drink and trying to look like he isn't thinking too hard about what to do next. 

“Whatever he just proposed to you,” Viktor says slowly, looking over the bar instead of directly at you, “I assure you you can do better.”

He can hear you take a deep breath, shift a little, and sigh it out with what sounded like almost a laugh. 

“Yeah,” you agree, “I don't know what it is about people like that that makes them think they can just…” You sigh again, and make a hand gesture towards the room. ”You know.”

“Unfortunately,” he answers, resigned, “yes. I do.” 

He gets his drink and thanks the bartender, and then leans to the counter too, mimicking your posture, holding the drink and letting it swirl around in his glass. “Have you talked with anyone actually worth your time tonight?” 

You hmm. Then, “there was a little girl earlier that told me some fascinating things about insect metamorphosis.” You say casually. 

And Viktor laughs. Without meaning to, he laughs, and you smile in response, visibly relaxing a little.

“I don't think she was on the guest list though.” You continue. 

He hums in response, and rearranges his grip on the handle of his cane. “Sounds much more interesting than the conversations I've been in tonight.”

“I know,” you answer, and he can hear the smile in your voice, “you think we could swap out one of the main speakers with her?” 

He hmms again, looking over the stage thoughtfully. “I think it would count as a public service,” he nods a little, considering the list of speakers yet to come, “what do you think, who'd be a good target?”

You shift in your place, looking over the same list of speakers, plastered over the walls on both sides of the stage. “The financial talk,” you answer, “Mr. Ross. I'd much rather listen to insect facts than another boring talk about investing.”

Viktor nods. “You distract him, I'll whack him unconscious?” he offers, and you laugh. You laugh, and it warms something in him. 

“And then what?” you continue, still smiling, and he has to look away to keep his composure. 

He shrugs. “Eh,” he answers, “we drag him to a bathtub somewhere and act like he just passed out there?" He shrugs, "I happen to know three ways to get out of this room that I'm pretty sure we could use unnoticed.”

“Uh-huh,” you answer, “and then we just find the girl and ask her if she wants to talk about bugs for half an hour. Easy.”

“Exactly,” he agrees, “and then we congratulate ourselves for making the evening better for everybody.”

"Except maybe Mr. Ross."

"No," he counters, looking over the crowd, "I think he would prefer a nice little nap. Surely not even he wants to hear himself talk all the time." He takes a sip of his drink, "and I think waking up in a bathtub would be a nice change of pace to the rumors of other places he seems to have a habit of waking up in after events such as these."

“Good point,” you shift in your place, settling to lean to the counter a bit closer to him. “Perfect plan. But why'd you get to whack him unconscious and not me?”

Viktor blinks. Lifts one eyebrow. “Because you are by far more distracting than I am,” he answers, “and I thought the plan could use the distraction.”

“I don't think that's true,” you answer, “I think you're plenty distracting on your own.”

Now, he lets himself look at you. Really, properly look at you, and not even half-trying to hide it. You're smiling now, shoulders relaxed, holding your drink with fingers wrapped loosely around it, and in the warm lights of the bar there's a golden glow on your skin, and something breathless at the bottom of his stomach is aching to get closer to you, to touch you, to see if his hand would fit on your waist as well as he thinks it would, to see how you would react to that, if he could make you smile in a different way, what sounds he could get you to make for him–

“Agree to disagree,” he says, averts his eyes, and takes a sip of his drink. 

Tries to tell that wild-hungry purring thing in him to behave. 

Someone reasonable comes to talk to you – and it's about work, which is…something, probably, he has to stop himself from thinking it's better than those earlier idiots, because who's he to decide that for you? He gives you a casual wave and a nod as you depart with a smile and get swept up in the conversation about new ideas and solutions and this-new-thing you've been looking at. And he watches as you start talking excitedly, all golden and glittering, easy conversation and confident smiles, and quietly (not-so quietly) he concludes that maybe you hadn't had many worthwhile conversations with any of the guests that night because you were the most worthwhile person in there to talk to. 

He stays there sipping his drink and wondering what would be the closest appropriate time to slip out. He'd made an appearance, and technically nothing could be expected from him beyond that point. Sure, Jayce might tell him he could've stayed a bit longer, he could use the support, but nothing dramatic would happen. 

The party drones on, and he makes no effort to move – and really, he tries not to think about it too much, but that was at least in part because he wanted to keep looking at you. He promptly ignores this, even when you're laughing at something someone else said and that heavy-dark-purring something at the bottom of his stomach doesn't like it very much. 

Someone comes to ask for his opinion on something, and with a tiny sigh, he lets them pull him into the loop of conversations again. Yes, we are trying to simplify the design, no we can't cut back from the materials, they are what they are for a reason. 

Somewhere around his third ‘Why would you think that?’ of that particular conversation, he's had enough. People were stupid, and he's had enough. He's just trying to come up with ways to get out of the conversation preferably without starting a scandal of some sort, when he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turns around to look at who it belongs to, and then everything in his head is quiet for a moment. 

“Hey,” you say, smiling, “sorry to interrupt, but can I steal you away for a moment?” you ask, slipping your hand feather-light down his arm, and he has to suppress a shiver. 

Viktor furrows his brows and opens his mouth, and then, like an idiot, says nothing. But he turns to leave, thankful for the window of opportunity.  

“You remember that thing we talked about before?” you continue as you steer him away from the earlier group smoothly, “I found someone who's interested in those three escape routes you had up your sleeve.” 

“Who?” he asks, because that's the only thing he can think of. You've linked your arm with his, and you're leaning on him, and you're soft and warm and you smell good, and he doesn’t trust his ability to form a full sentence. 

“Me,” you answer, “and judging by how you just looked out there,” you continue, “you.”

Viktor swallows, and something in him purrs at the idea. 

“This way,” he says, nodding towards an old stage exit, and honestly, he doesn’t even care why you want to leave, he's just grateful for the distraction and the company and drinking in every warm square inch of skin contact that you're willing to give him, even if it is just walking with your shoulder pressed against his. 

If it turned out to be a plot where you actually wanted to whack someone unconscious, he'd worry about that later. For now he was just happy to leave, and happier that you were leaving with him. 

It's easy to slip away from the crowd, and into the space between the stage curtain and the wall, if you know where you're going. You effortlessly fall a bit further from his side but keep his hand on yours, letting him pull you along, and quietly he wonders how and why and holy shit. He decides not to question it though, and keeps walking through the dim space between the cold old wall and the cascades of warm heavy velvet curtains. 

“Do you want to leave the party,” he asks, voice quiet now that the background buzz of people was muffled by the curtain, “or just get away from it?” 

You hmm behind him, clearly through a smile, and he makes the mistake of looking back at you. Surrounded by the dark red velvet curtains and only slivers of light from each side, his head – and the rest of his body – get entirely the wrong idea of what you're doing in there, because you look like a goddess in the small dim space, and he might crumble into ashes if he keeps looking at you, or he might do something stupid like pull you closer and press you into the wall, to see if your eyes would widen, if you'd gasp from the cold wall, if he could find other ways to make you gasp–

so he turns his eyes away and keeps talking. 

He quickly finds he has to clear his throat before he can do that. “There is a staff entrance that goes past the kitchen a little ways further,” he says, and motions forwards, “or there is a disused indoor balcony surrounding the stage. You would be able to see the party, but it'd feel…removed.”

You lean closer, close enough that when your voice is muffled by the surrounding velvet, it feels like you're speaking right in his ear, and he has to swallow and remind himself that that's just situational coincidence, nothing more. 

“Why do you know so many ways to get out of here?” you ask, “You sneak out a lot?” 

“I am a fan of interesting architecture,” he answers, “and not as much a fan of pretentious social gatherings.” 

“Fair,” you answer, then lean your chin on his shoulder, and he feels like his spine might spontaneously melt. “In your expertise, what would you recommend?”

“Well,” he says, trying to make it sound casual and like he wasn't breathless at all, “I think the balcony has some fairly interesting architecture.” And the lights of the party would look pretty from there. And you'd both get a breather away from the crowd. And he'd get to keep talking to you a little bit longer. And, as selfish as the thought felt, he couldn't deny it; he'd get to keep having you to himself for a little bit longer. 

“Show me the balcony,” you smile, and he obliges. Happily, he obliges. So he pulls you into a narrow staircase, and then, up. 

At the end of it there is a room that could, only by technical definition alone, be called a balcony – it was more like a hole carved into the wall, having at some point been used for seating or equipment space at events and concerts, and now just served as half-forgotten extra storage. It had, he supposed, once upon a time looked like the banquet hall did, all smooth surfaces and warm lights and thematically switched-out decorations, but now it was mostly the standard red velvet and dark wood and light marble, forgotten by the party and some of the golden light from the hall spilling into it by pure coincidence. There were velvet curtains on each side of the room, and you drop his hand to go look over the railing, and down at the party. 

His hand instantly feels cold without yours in it, but he tries his best to ignore this, and follows you to look down at the party, too. 

It looks much smaller from up there. Less chaotic. 

“I didn't know there was a space like this here.” You say quietly, “can they see us?” 

“Part of the design,” he answers, “you're not supposed to notice these spaces unless people want you to. Good place to hide extra orchestra pieces and make it feel like the sound is coming from nowhere. And–” he looks over at the people, colorful and mingling, “no, they can't. Not unless you want them to.” Then, he smiles, just a little. “But they'll be able to hear us, if we direct our voices upwards and wait for things to quiet down there first.”

You turn to look at him. 

“Sloped ceilings,” he explains with a shrug, “again, good for a hidden orchestra accompaniment.” 

“But they can't hear us talking?*

“Not over themselves,” he answers, “ironic, I know.”

You hum thoughtfully and turn around, with your back to the railing, and then you look at him and he needs to kick his brain back in line. You were gorgeous in the dim lighting, all relaxed and smiling, and–

He grips the handle of his cane a little tighter. 

“Good,” you say, and the way you say it – all quiet and warm and liquid – makes something in him purr again, entirely against his better judgement. 

“Why is it good?” he asks, because he has to hold on to some semblance of logic here, because otherwise he might just vaporize out into the atmosphere. 

“Why do you think?” you ask, slowly turning to face him, and oh that just isn't fair. You're just there, just a warm breath of space away, all soft and pretty and languid–

He doesn’t know what to say, so he goes with what feels like the safest course of action. 

“In case we want to plot any more ways to violently derail the evening's program?”

You exhale a small laugh and lean back. 

And then you lift a hand on his chest, and he's pretty sure his heart might be overheating soon. 

“Sure,” you answer, “that.” You inch closer, and Viktor is having a hard time remembering how to breathe. “Or anything else we might not want them overhearing.”

“Like?” He exhales, careful not to break the moment, and then you smile, warm and private and for him, and his insides liquify into warm, honey-thick goo, and oh, he’s not going to recover from this. 

“Like,” you repeat slowly, and then you push yourself away from the balcony railing, just slightly, into the side of the wall covered by the velvet curtain, and he lets you pull him with you, he's not stupid. His brain – along with the rest of his body – might be in the process of actively melting, but he's not stupid. If you wanted to pull him into a shadowed, velvet-covered corner, he would follow no questions asked, especially on a night like this when his insides were buzzing and you looked like that. When you looked at him like that. You smile again, and stop moving when your back hits a wall, and then you pull him just close enough to whisper into his ear. “...Anything else we might not want them overhearing.” you repeat, and, yeah, Viktor is close to becoming the best documented case of human combustion in recorded history. 

In the dim lighting, he searches your eyes into his, and you watch him, waiting, radiating heat between him and the velvet-covered wall. He's not sure why you were acting like this, but all signs were pointing towards you wanting the same thing he did, and he's not sure what he did to get this lucky, but with his every cell buzzing and vibrating and keening over to get closer, he wasn't about to let the opportunity pass. 

He wants to ask ‘why me’ or ‘are you sure’ but what comes out is a broken, desperate whisper of a “can I touch you?”, and you answer with a grin and with your fingers tangled to the front of his shirt, pulling him closer. 

“Yes,” you breathe, “please.”

And really, he wouldn't have thought it would be so simple, but it's the please that does him in – just one whispered word and his brain short-circuits in an overflowing flash of white-hot need. Need to trigger that again, need to please, and need to finally give in to the pleasure waiting to boil. And then it all comes rushing out; the hunger. 

His hands are on your waist in an instant, and his cane clatters to the ground as he leans his weight on you and the wall and for a moment, he has the sense to hope the curtains don't come tumbling down, and they don't, which is good enough for him, because then he can let go of that particular worry and focus solely on finding your lips to his and making the most of every second of this that you're willing to give him. 

The sensations hit his brain like flashes of bright light; how soft you are under his fingers, like he'd hoped, the fabric smooth and silky, giving away easily under his touch. How warm you are, warm and breathing in a fluttered little gasp, the dusty old velvet mixing in with your sweet scent, and then when he gets his lips on you–

After that it's just golden-dark-velvet-honey-thick bliss. You breathe out a small sound that drips down his spinal cord and goes straight to the purring pit at the bottom of his stomach, and he swallows it with a hungry, greedy, desperate groan that comes from somewhere deep inside his chest, and his head is swimming with warm and real and soft and for me–

He is happily overloading his brain with this, and he doesn’t even care. He presses closer to you and you exhale another sweet little sound that makes him bare his teeth, and then his lips are on your neck and he doesn’t know anything except that he wants you to keep making those sounds and he likes the way your hands tangle in his hair and tug. 

“Tell me what you want,” he mutters to the skin of your neck, pulling you closer by the waist, and absolutely relishing in the way your chest rises and falls with short little pants he can hear you take in and out. In and out, and as he tugs at your waist again, just a bit closer, and drags his teeth against your pulse lightly, one of those exhales turns into a sweet little whine. 

He grins against your skin. 

He doesn’t waste the time or energy pretending he isn't an absolute mess over you, right now – his own breathing ragged and fast and his heart hammering in his ears, his whole body buzzing with want – but that didn't mean seeing you react that way didn't make him want to purr. 

Didn't make his insides heat up with I did that. I got her like this. She made that sound for me. For me. It's mine. 

You take a breath, slow and rugged, and then you tug him towards one of the velvet-covered seats. And he moves like he's floating, letting you guide him, because what else is he going to do? You tug him into the seat and he sits on it, gladly, and stays there looking up at you with his eyes wide and only half-lidded and his heart hammering, waiting for more. 

You give him another one of those small, private, knowing smiles, your eyes hazy, and then you step to stand right in front of him. 

And then you hover over him, just waiting for him to pull you into his lap. He does, because he is selfish and greedy and burning, and he's pretty sure he's going to implode if he doesn’t get that delicious pressure on him soon, and his hand fits your waist perfectly, and then when when you do straddle him, your hips pressing down on his, he whines. He lets out a breathless little whine, he can feel it in the base of his spine, and it makes that hunger in him want more. 

“Only the voices directed upwards travel down there, right?” you ask, voice quiet and dripping right into his ear and pooling at the bottom of his stomach. 

He swallows. “Yes.” 

You hum thoughtfully, and press your body closer to his, all soft and warm and perfect, sinking your lips down to his neck and he shivers, instinctually tilting back his head with a sigh, exposing more of his neck to you. 

“Better keep quiet, then.” 

[bluecookies02]

Viktor x Wife!Reader

Marriage headcanons that nobody asked for. Fluff, Hurt/Comfort.

word count : 0.5k

cw: none

Being his wife is a chore and a half.

The limited time spent together, the stress of his job, the snappy attitude he gets when he's being swarmed with deadlines, inventions, investors, the council....

But then he's waking you up early every morning, just so he could spend those sweet 30 minutes before he has to leave for work, having tea or coffee with you until the very last moment. Then he's texting you during every 5 minute break he takes, and if the occasion allows, he calls.

At night he's tiptoeing into bed as to not wake you(you hear his cane from the hallway), laying perfectly still until he can't help but put an arm over you, or touch your legs together. It's endearing to watch him hold his breath as you pretend you've fallen asleep.

If he notices that his research kept him away too much that month, he will start inviting you to his lab. He won't have a lot of time to give you his full attention, but he will scrap up those sneaky little moments until they add up to something significant. He lives hoping that it's enough, and he's always battling with himself, knowing that you deserve more.

He is giving you everything he possibly can. You know this. His time off is scarce and pitiful, yet it's almost exclusively spent with you. Time holds more weight, when it's coming from him, rather then it would if you were with anyone else.

Despite what many people think, he comes to not reject PDA. All within social norms of-course. He holds your hand and he lets you kiss him without much complaint(he secretly likes it bc it boosts his ego a lil). It took him getting that comfortable over the years but it's wonderful.

He isn't an initiator. That can make you feel moody and neglected at occasions. He also can't say a mouthful of loving words to you, it's impossible for him, like there's some sort of a lump in his throat that will never let him.

He will reply to your "I love you's" but he will rarely be the first to say it. He more often says things that look like love confessions if you squint. He makes up for it by being touchy. Puts your legs on his lap when you're resting together, pets your waist or your stomach while you're sprawled out on the couch, softly squeezes your shoulder...etc etc

The worst part of your relationship comes when he fully shuts down emotionally. You had to learn to navigate these sudden switch ups. They used to upset you a lot, they still can if you're being honest. If you do or say the wrong thing, he will say so many ugly things that stab right into your heart, with intention to hurt you and make you hate him, because under that anger is guilt of 'wasting your time' and feelings of complete inadequacy to keep you happy.

He does his job with an insane amount of passion, and that's one of the main reasons why setbacks or pulled fundings easily get him in this state.

You used to have screaming matches, dramatic throwing of your rings to the floor, slamming doors and leaving the apartment...All excepted considering you married quite young.

Now, to save you both the emotional toll it left on you, he tries to shut into his lab for a bit to calm down and you try not to nurture his self sabotage if it comes to it. It isn't the healthiest but it does work.

You recognize when he starts getting intentionally mean and you completely ruin his plans by leaving the room and telling him to get his shit together and come to bed once he's equipped to act like a proper husband you know he is. These become more rare the longer you're together aswell, because the security into your relationship grows exponentially with time (they come back full force once his disease progresses...please don't let him push you away🥹)

idek where i was going with this, i just want this man as my husband.

These are like, delulu headcanons, i have plenty different ones for when I am not feeling biased. For one, this dude ain't marrying anyone, at least not legally.

[tarotwithavi]

I get money, I am a star

How can you make more money? How can you attract abundance into your life?

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

How to choose a pile?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.

This is a general reading, so take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

Masterlist 💌 paid services

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT 🫶🏻❤️

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

PILE 1

You have a special ability to attract people, and that's because the way you see and understand life is very different from everyone else. I'm also getting the message that you can use your unique perspective and appearance to earn more money. For example, you could become a social media influencer or start your own blog where you share your opinions with others. You might even consider writing articles or books to share your knowledge, which could also help you earn more.

You have a talent or skill that could lead to great financial success. All you need to do is focus on developing it. This might seem like a random message, but I sense that some of you have hacking skills that could be used to catch online predators. You could make money while also doing something good for society, and you can do this without revealing your identity.

I also heard the phrase “secret superstar,” which might have special meaning for some of you.

You can attract abundance into your life just by being yourself. You don’t have to follow strict instructions on how to manifest things. You are fully capable of discovering new methods that work for you when it comes to manifestation. Remember, sometimes you need to "fake it till you make it." Don’t worry about what others might think or say; be the most confident and imaginative version of yourself. Believe in the impossible, and you’ll see it become reality. Dream big, and don’t hesitate to manifest the most outrageous things, even those that seem out of reach.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

PILE 2

I see that some of you are thinking about choosing a business major in college, and I want you to know that this is a great choice for you. I got the message that you have the potential to make more money by helping others learn how to manage and grow their own money. You could become a freelancer, offering advice on how to use money wisely, or you might even start a course where you teach people how to invest and handle their finances.

You have a special knowledge or skill that could be valuable to others, and you could exchange this knowledge for money. Some of you might also be excellent teachers, guides, gurus, or counselors. You hold the key to success—your ideas, inspirations, and whatever thoughts come to your mind right now could be what lead you to success.

I also see that some of you don't feel the need to make a lot of money; you just want to earn enough to live a good, comfortable life. You don't necessarily desire a luxurious lifestyle. Some of you could even become great spiritual teachers.

You can attract abundance into your life by growing spiritually. However, I also notice that some of you have been slacking on your spiritual practices. For example, something you used to do regularly, like manifestation, meditation, or journaling, you now barely do once every two weeks. These practices help keep you emotionally stable. If you start doing them regularly again, you'll notice a significant change in the energy around you.

At this moment, you need to focus on your studies and avoid chasing temporary pleasures. Concentrate on the things that will bring you long-term fulfillment and happiness.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

PILE 3

You need to break free from the cycle you're currently stuck in, and I'm getting the message that this may be connected to your ancestors. It’s possible that your family has experienced a fluctuating cycle of wealth and poverty over time. As a result, you might be afraid of making more money because you fear that you’ll end up facing the same ups and downs as your ancestors did.

I also see that you have a mindset of lack when it comes to money, and this needs to change. If you don’t shift your thinking, you may struggle to manifest more money in your life. Another issue is that you tend to overspend on things you want but don’t really need. Then, when it comes time to spend on something you actually need, you might find yourself short of money. It’s important to learn how to manage your finances better so that you have enough money for both what you want and what you need.

Some of you might be thinking about starting a business or entering a partnership with someone. This could be a good opportunity, but you need to be very careful about who you choose to partner with. For others, starting your own business could be a great option. I see that some of you are considering businesses related to jewelry, clothing (especially thrifted clothes), or decorative items.

You also need to let go of habits or memories that are no longer serving you. You can attract abundance by releasing an addiction or behavior that is holding you back. For instance, I see that some of you may be spending too much time on social media or on your phones. You need to be mindful of how much time you’re wasting on these activities. Instead, invest your time in something that will benefit you. If something isn't adding value to your life, don’t waste your time on it.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

[starsworldd]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬-𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐚𝐱𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬

PLEASE READ:

long post - thank you for 2k! i apologize for the wait but this took me a longggg time to prepare.

it’s also important to note that planets in taurus/scorpio will effect how you resonate with the interpretations below

reminder that readings are open! i’m now selling persona chart readings of planets/angles as well

take with a grain of salt

1st (scorpio) - 7th (taurus)❤️: relationships are a source of comfort and wisdom. scorpio risings’ experience of reality has to do with trust, hard truths, and taking back your power but their relations with others often bring a sense of peace and value into their lives. people may perceive you to be useful and smart in these similar qualities as well. your partnerships help to balance out the chaos and even insecurity you face at times with your identity and precense in the world

2nd (scorpio) - 8th (taurus) ❤️‍🔥: you are powerful in your resources/skills and in the way you support yourself overall. in this lifetime, how you find worth and appreciation for yourself and what you have (skills, physical resources, etc…). you may feel suppressed or face much controversy for what you value or for how you choose to support yourself monetary-wise or as a person. your biggest comeback story in life may have to do with self-esteem and with how you accumulate worth and value (physical or moral/mental) into your life and goals.

although there may be much turbulence and important realizations/truths that are found in how you support yourself and your goals, the transformations and scary things you face in life ironically enough can bring you lots of support if you choose to make good use out of it (which taurus is naturally good at). of course, this is the house of fears and traumas so a big part of your life story may include building your own sense of independence by learning from times of distress.

3rd (scorpio) - 9th (taurus) 💋: you could be especially sensitive to input from others and be able to pick up undertones and double meanings from others easily. communication, creativity (especially having to do with hands or written words), is your superpower. you grab others’ attention easily with your stories and artistic output when you learn to harness your fears/limitations effectively. this also makes you very intelligent of your community + gossip because scorpio rules over extremes as well

while in your everyday communication and daily life you may uncover and discuss skeleton’s in other people’s closet and may be doing a lot of activities that use a lot of your energy (scorpio is ruled by mars, planet of action), this makes you very comfortable (taurus) in being able to adapt to different environments and perspectives (9th house). having taurus in this house can make someone very wise because they find value and meaning in variety.

4th (scorpio) - 10th (taurus) 💄: people with scorpio in this house have usually had some sort of significant event or trauma regarding their family or childhood or may have regrets as to their actions in the past. these people could be born out of either extreme poverty or wealth too. these people’s sense of safety/privacy can be very important to them or they could feel like this aspect of their life is being compromised often (mars = conflict) but you could also find safety/comfort in curiousity or things that are “off-limits”.

if the private/emotional life of the native is exacerbated and transformative for them the career and reputation for the native is where they feel appreciated and most creative. having these signs in this house-axis can be indicative of a strong comeback story (extreme poverty to extreme wealth or even the other way around). the career-field can be very fulfilling (emotionally or monetary wise) and where you are grateful or feel lucky for the events your work presents.

5th (scorpio) - 11th (taurus) 🌹: feelings of creativity, romance, and happiness are taken to extreme lows and highs throughout life. if you’re a cancer rising, i believe this is where the “moody” reputation for us comes from. like leo rising, there could have been significant changes or revelations during childhood that changed your way of deriving happiness and familial support. these people may crave for luxury and overindulgence and can do so by turning their pain into power. scorpio in this house can make someone very grateful as well.

if our sense of happiness and luck undergoes significant change and gives us our “comebacks” throughout life, the 11th house is where we have already found peace and prosperity with our place in society. we encounter valuable experiences when polishing our individualism (5th) within our community (11th). we can find personal contentment and growth in accepting our individual, unique role amongst the people around us. you may like to surround yourself with confident people as well.

6th (scorpio) - 12th (taurus) 👠: these people can feel very unlucky or trapped throughout life, with the 6h ruling bad luck + burdens and scorpio relating to extremes. scorpio is a smart zodiac i’ve noticed as well, so these people usually have a certain way (especially that requires much energy) of doing their work and job that could defy others’ expectations. extreme focus on a certain obstacle or insecurities is also possible and can take awhile to finally figure out what makes you feel secure and satisfied with how you manage your burdens.

if your everyday burdens and responsibilities test your strength to the max in this lifetime, your imagination, creativity and solitude is where you find peace. it could also be that these people do unusual things to satisfy their need for pleasure and wholeness, because the 12th house is where we are easily misled. these people are internally comfortable with their thoughts and ideas, regardless of how odd they may be because it takes them to a place of stability from their scorpio 6h.

7th (scorpio) - 1st (taurus) 🍒: these natives’ partnerships/commitments make the native have to look more deeply into their underlying intentions or feelings with said partnerships/commitment. this can bring a lot of disturbing but also very eye-opening and insightful experiences that affects the native’s identity and ambitions going forth. scorpio can also be a curious sign so there can be a little bit of investigative or persistent approach to your partnerships and this is where your power can derive from.

it may seem like your partnerships “destroy” parts of your identity, because you approach the world from a sense of wholeness and peace. at least, these are circumstances that you are ambitious to achieve in your life. pleasure and steadiness are big life themes and at first it may seem like life is rather dull or boring, but similar to scorpio in its opposite function, taurus asks us to dig a little deeper into the simpler things in life and to find enjoyment.

8th (scorpio) - 2nd (taurus) 🍫: when dealing with other people’s problems (financially, intimate connection, debts, etc…) it brings about experiences that require you to fix what’s wrong or holding you back in life in rather uncomfortable ways. this can indicate someone who is afraid to acknowledge psychological blockages or who lacks the necessary bravery/instincts to attack underlying problems. you could earn valuable assets (tangible or not) from others when you engage with activities that are “gross” but healing/heroic.

this native survives on feeling complete. having a sense of wholeness is very important to these people and makes these people very resourceful because they are able to make the seemingly mundane valuable and able to work in their favor. these people are good at feeling in control of their life, future, and choices because they are committed and secure in their abilities. these people place much importance on authenticity, diversity, and self-sufficiency.

9th (scorpio) - 3rd (taurus) ❤️: when achieving mastery/global knowledge, and self-discovery it may have to do with bringing up topics that you ignored or swept under the rug especially having to do with your identity/precense (in context of the world and society). your global approach and experiences have to do with dealing uncomfortable topics in order to achieve better awareness and understanding of all aspects of the world. how you navigate foreign environments and your sense of flexibility is your strength.

if foreign experiences provide you with strength through perseverance, your intuition and familiar environments provide you with strength through growth (tangible or not). although it may seem like the everyday social rituals and ideas (including intuition), can appear mundane, this setup of houses gives an opportunity to grow a garden that provides roots, beauty, and good taste in the way you perceive and express yourself local environments.

10th (scorpio) - 4th (taurus) 🪭: these people have to have a ton of intiative when working in their career and towards their big goals in life. it may feel as though these people have to start from a bad hand of cards (compared to everybody else) in order to make it to the top or that their working conditions and/or responsibilities throughout life may feel difficult to complete or deals with high stakes/status. but even though there are difficult tasks they have to be done and you have drive/resourcefulness to do it!!

if the workplace is where you see the thorns in your garden (where you have to get rid of them) your home life and condition is where you see the roses. taurus is good at being able to attract good circumstances for themselves because taurus is very representative of wholeness and the feeling of completion. there’s probably more opportunities for you to setup and manage your domestic life the way you like. wisdom may be found through your domestic life too.

11th (scorpio) - 5th (taurus) 🧨: your surrounding communities/people who support you seem to try to pick you apart. you may feel as if the people who you’re around with don’t actually support you or that there’s something incomplete or “wrong” with the circumstances and people that made you successful, imposter syndrome possibly? your supporters/friends could show you things you couldn’t see before, likely for the better although they may reveal this in dramatic or difficult circumstances.

if you feel incomplete about the people/circumstances that support your public achievements, your creativity and lust for life is where you find contentment. these people feel most stable and appreciated for their talents and way of enjoying themselves. for these people, they find stability, growth, and satisfaction when they engage with activities that bring them happiness. they find beauty and appreciation from others for their self-expression/creatvity.

12th (scorpio) - 6th (taurus) ♠️: your drive to feel complete is what can you mislead you in life. this may be because you feel as if there’s always something missing or not being to shown to you but you are persistent in finding what that something is. this same energy can make the native very wise because they have to overcome their demons over and over again throughout life. but at the same time, you could also feel like your sense of resourcefulness and strength fails to manifest in reality.

if there’s conflict/determination in trying to protect yourself from things that induce bad energy, then there’s likely to be tranquility and acceptance in doing activities that can put your life back on track. the 6h is known as the house of bad fortune in astrology so these people are good at being able to find the most reliable way out of a difficult situation. and while these natives could be good at finding solutions, slacking off and overindulgence can lead to oversight with tasks.

once again thank you for 2k!

hope you enjoyed🥰

[fxirybun]

🪷 PAC: your romantic soulmate’s personality

this is a collective reading ! take what resonates and leave what doesn't. i cannot guarantee 100% accuracy. take the pac reading lightly ჱ̒ ｰ̀֊ｰ́ )

ෆ⸒⸒ pink teacup 🌸

your romantic soulmate is someone thoughtful about their words and actions. they have this patient energy within them and they seem to prefer to take a practical approach to certain situations or people. they're the type of person who's willing to put in the work in order to achieve their long-term goals. i sensed that they're very careful and can also be reflective about their decision. it seems to me that your romantic soulmate would try to evaluate where they are in life. they would even make some adjustments when it is needed and don't seem to complain much in terms of investing their time and energy into things that matter to them.

i felt that something happened to them in the past that made them feel scared of being alone. your romantic soulmate may have experienced some kind of setback that led them to feel cautious and set their guard up. i felt that it has something to do with finances since i'm getting the energy of being worried about losing stability as well as their place in their working environment. even though your romantic soulmate carries this fear , they don't seem to show it from the outside perspective. i do think that they relate to individuals who also came from the same position as them and that it made them feel empathetic to those people.

i sensed that they have this urge to help those who are going through a difficult period as they also faced those same struggles and know the way out of it. at the same time , there's this feeling of trying to distance themselves from any form of conflict or negativity. it seems to me that your romantic soulmate prefers a calming domain. they seem to be leaning more towards the quiet , introverted side. they're the type of person who is introspective and more so focused on personal growth. i do think that they always seek to leave or be away from any stressful situation. they seem to value having peace of mind and aren't afraid to move or change their place as a way to protect their mental state.

ෆ⸒⸒ blue teacup 🫐

i sensed that your romantic soulmate has a complex relationship with their family. they seem to have some kind of unconventional mindset when it comes to traditional values. they felt disconnected and could be questioning or perhaps rejecting their role within their roots. they may also be the kind of person who lives more in the present moment and does not worry too much about the future. i'm getting that your romantic soulmate feels uncertain about their long-term plan for themselves. it's also possible that they're struggling in trying to balance their emotional and physical aspects. i felt that there was this instability in these areas.

your romantic soulmate is likely to cherish their remarkable memories. i'm getting that they have a sentimental nature within themselves. they seem to value a simple connection that stems from innocence. they also place a lot of importance on having a close and meaningful relationship wherein they get to show their warm and caring side of them. i can see that your romantic soulmate has this playful or youthful energy in them and possibly have a childlike attitude. i felt that they're emotionally sensitive too and at the same time , they're someone who can be very attentive to those that play a significant role in their lives.

in addition , your romantic soulmate is the kind of person who is resilient and gained inner strength within themselves. they know how to regulate their emotions well enough. even though they face an obstacle in their path that can make them feel vulnerable , they would do anything to remain calm through the midst of it. they're someone who has this composed quality as well as having a strong-willed attitude in trying to move past a difficult moment. your romantic soulmate possesses the characteristics of being gentle , and determined , and exhibits kindness whilst also being firm when needed. perhaps they may have empathy within them too.

ෆ⸒⸒ red teacup 🍄

i can say that you're romantic soulmate is the type of person who spends most of their time in solitude , an introvert if you will. i sensed that they prefer to think about something by themselves alone before they take the necessary steps for action. they seem to be in a constant search for deeper truths and wisdom. it is possible that they're more mature and intelligent despite their age. it's as if they've gone through a lot and from it they gained some personal insights or valuable lessons. your romantic soulmate may as well be leaning more on hiding themselves from society in order for them to process their current thoughts , feelings , and emotions.

perhaps this is what the outsiders think or their first impression of them because i'm getting a different side of their personality. it's likely that they only show it to those that are deemed close. even though they seem to be timid , they have this igniting character that can make the crowd shock. your romantic soulmate is an adventurer at heart , they have this quality of being curious about something that caught their attention. he has this passionate energy of wanting to experience what is new to them , an explorer. while they may be thoughtful and quiet , they are also open to fresh ideas and seem to enjoy pursuing things that can light up their inspiration.

because of their dual nature , your romantic soulmate may struggle in trying to balance their sides. they may be having difficulties in juggling their multiple responsibilities , and trying to keep everything in order. as a result , they end up having an occasional feeling of being overwhelmed or in a state of burnout. your romantic soulmate may tend to reflect their tendency to take too much of everything at once. perhaps they're struggling to manage their time or which priorities they need to spend most of their time on. nevertheless , they're always ready to dive into something exciting and at the same time be introspective about it.

[hwnglx]

dating enhypen maknae line pro's & con's

based on tarot. i don't know these idols personally. energies are always changing. everything i state is for entertainment purposes only, alleged and NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

sunoo

pro's

immensely lively -> he's a boyfriend who can bring a lot of excitement, fun and laughter into his partner's lives

there's this mischievous energy to him, where i can see sunoo really enjoying to poke and provoke his lovers, often in a way where you can't really be mad at him

like this boy is so incredibly charming and has this coy side to him, he really knows how to wrap people around his finger and can often enjoy jokingly messing with his partners in that way as well

i keep seeing this image of two people just throwing things at each other back and forth -> the dynamic is likely to be very playful (i heard 티격태격 which refers to unserious “tit-for-tat” type of bickering)

he really likes there to be a natural and comfortable vibe between the two of you, and especially enjoys it when your conversation flows in this effortless manner

can be very receptive and sensitive when it comes to intuitively sensing the emotions of the person he's with

has a side to him that's much more softhearted, compassionate and nurturing than one would expect

can be very empathetic and gentle, especially if his significant other is hurting or going through something

knows how to serve his lovers according to their individual needs and likes making them feel cared for, i can especially see him expressing it through small but meaningful acts of service (does sunoo like to cook? i keep seeing him cook in my mind's eye, he might especially like taking care of people when they're sick)

can have this healing and soothing effect on the people he's close to -> spirit keeps showing me this image of wounds being bandaged and covered up

not the type of boyfriend who'll make you feel suffocated, controlled or stifled -> approaches romance in a more lighthearted and free-spirited manner

i also see a spontaneous side to him, where he's likely to be down to do some random and fun things on a whim

note; i keep seeing so many different dream-like images and scenes in my head, sunoo definitely seems to have a vast imagination and a lot of different fantasies about romantic scenarious in his head. it wouldn't surprise me if he's the member who enjoys sappy k-drama's.

con's

not the most trustworthy and reliable

can blow hot and cold, and be very moody and unpredictable in a way where it's difficult to understand him, find a middle ground or match yourself to him

i keep getting the feeling sunoo has no clue what he genuinely wants himself which can result in him giving his partners confusing and mixed signals

prone to putting on a more prideful front than what's actually reflective of his genuine emotions -> it'll be quite rare for you to catch him openly showcase his negative emotions, such as his insecurities but also his regrets, his sadness, his disappointments, etc.

i'm feeling this sense of embarrassment about it, he can feel immensely uncomfortable about anyone seeing him in that (in his eyes) “weak” and vulnerable state

doesn't enjoy the burden and responsibility that can come with a serious and committed relationship, which is why he's more likely to keep things light and easy

seems to have been through a decent amount of disappointment in regards to human relationships, which is why he can have the tendency to expect the worst before it even happens as a form of self-protection

and often mostly finds himself closing chapters before they could even go anywhere deeper

like “if i don't open myself up to this person and remain emotionally distant, they won't even have the chance to come close enough to hurt me”

also, if sunoo feels like the relationship comes with a lot of sacrifice or tiring work, i don't see him wanting to willingly invest his energy and time into someone else

he seems more like the type to enjoy the lovey-dovey honeymoon stage but not want to deal with anything that goes beyond the pleasant aspects of a relationship

there's this feeling of.. believing he's destined to be on his own? he feels like he can genuinely struggle matching himself to others and believes it's just easier for him to remain focused on himself most of the time

can also get incredibly dramatic and over the top, especially if he loses himself in a heated debate. he can get quite blunt and harsh with his choice of words

can be quite two-faced in a sense where he can go from immensely sweet and caring to surprisingly cut-throat

can therefore give a disingenuous and fake impression

jungwon

pro's

fun, excited and adventurous boyfriend who's open to exploring and experiencing different things with his lover

i can see him being the type of lover who makes even the trivial and most mundane things feel very special and memorable to the two of you

doesn't seem like the type to hold on to grudges for long or endlessly dwell on negativity -> forward-thinking and optimistic energy in him, which can be quite contagious

tends to be very supportive and have this encouraging and empowering effect on his lovers

let's say you find yourself stuck in your head, anxious, stressed or overthinking to the point of agony, jungwon is someone who's good at helping you get out of that negative mindset and providing you with more positivity

the type of boyfriend who boosts your confidence and makes you feel special

he's also very quick-witted and in possession of a sharp mind -> someone smart with good communication skills you can hold very intriguing conversations with

likely to be incredibly honest and blunt, he'll straight up tell you things the way they are

therefore it's unlikely for you to catch him lying or sugarcoating -> usually what you see and hear with jungwoon is what you get, he isn't afraid to be direct

not the needy or overly whiny type of boyfriend who gets extremely attached to his lovers

accepting and even encouraging of his partner's individuality and freedom as well -> not the type to latch and tightly hold onto his lovers and suffocate them

plays the role of the provider in the relationship -> displays a stable and dependable existence for his partner

i see him liking to show off his means and his abundance, so he could definitely enjoy gifting his lovers expensive things in order to impress them

con's

i immediately heard “master of my own world”

jungwon is very much a person who primarily has his own objectives, goals and desires on the forefront of his mind

therefore it's not unlikely for him to only be with a person as long as he himself feels like it, or as long as he feels like it serves him well -> i don't see him actually caring too much about how the other party feels

very very, almost overly independent -> not the type to cry after his lovers, he can see himself as too good for that (i heard “아까워” which means “it's a waste”)

there is a lack of accountability over his actions here

in jungwon's head, the way you feel about something is moreso the result of your own doing

meaning, let's say you're upset about him breaking things off with you, it's not unlikely for jungwon to play the “well you shouldn't have gotten that attached to me in the first place then” card (gaslighting tendency..)

also immensely stubborn guy, good luck trying to have this man budge or give in

he reads as the type of person who's always right in his head, very know-it-all and bossy type of energy

(this is a very virgo thing, especially moons) i can't shake this feeling he just looks at people as dumb very easily lol like “nah you don't even know what you're talking about”

i heard “according to my rulebook” he isn't necessarily controlling in an extreme manner, but moreso has a very clear and firm opinion on how things should be and doesn't easily move away from that narrative

let's say he gives you advice on something, he won't really like you not following his word or being doubtful of what he's saying (omg the taurus mars is coming through. i've met several of them and they can be sooo persistent and hate people disagreeing with them)

obsessed with stability

therefore, if jungwon feels like the boat is rocky and the relationship is becoming strenuous, it's likely he won't wanna deal with it or put effort in to work things through

especially if the connection displays a disruption and nuisance to his own individual life, he will not like or want to tolerate that

ni-ki

pro's

can get quite enthusiastic about starting a new relationship, so especially the beginning stages have the potential to be fun with him (i really don't think he's had much experience yet, so many things can still feel new and exciting to him)

pretty open-minded and down for cheerful experiences together with his partner -> i can see him liking the thought of trying something out that's very new and therefore thrilling to the both of you (e.g. trips to a unique place you've never been to before)

i also thought of amusement parks, especially sky-high rides that are scary, he's likely to enjoy dates like that (the inner kid in him coming out lmaoo, cute)

there's this non-judgemental energy to him -> doesn't seem like the type of person who looks at others with some sort of prejudice in place, he's likely to accept the person he loves with their little quirks and eccentric traits

very perceptive and observant lover, especially in the beginning stages, he gets a good understanding of the person he's with by studying and observing them

has this very easygoing and laidback type of uncomplicated energy -> isn't someone who'll be obsessed, intense and crazy in love from the get-go (if ever) and will make the relationship feel comfortable by allowing you to embrace yourself in the connection

isn't gonna be extremely attached to you either

dating him can moreso feel like you're dating your best friend who's just pleasant to be around

this boy is very intelligent and intuitive as well

definitely has some wisdom beyond his young age, so he can be surprisingly good at offering advice to you

is ready to lend an open ear to you when you're stressed out and need a place to let out your worries

i see ni-ki genuinely caring about the people he's close to, he just isn't someone who really knows how to express it yet, in a way where it doesn't come off overbearing (tbh it rarely does, but he can get scared to bother people)

there's this very sensitive and loving side to him that probably only the people closest to him really know of

con's

struggles to be assertive and can lack confidence when it comes to taking charge in the relationship

his energy is quite.. hesitant, indecisive and uncertain when it comes to how he should proceed -> doesn't feel sure enough in himself to make the right decisions and strongly take action in the connection

i mainly just see this as the result of a lack in experience, he always reads as immensely career-oriented moreso than a person who's used to building human connections

therefore he can find it difficult to establish a balance between the two (his professional and private life)

prone to overthinking a lot, but it's very unlikely he'll openly share his worries with you

i see him turning cold and distancing himself primarily

(oddly similar to sunoo) showcasing the more negative aspects of his feelings, like his insecurities, can just feel immensely uncomfortable for him, he doesn't wanna make himself look easily hurt, fragile or weak

can also get pretty tunnel-visioned when it comes to his own career -> doesn't want his partners to interfere in that and might put his work above you if he feels like you don't respect his passion for it

not the type to enjoy openly dating, i'd be so surprised to see ni-ki go public with his romantic relationship

can get scared about his relationship ruining what he worked so hard for, especially in terms of his public image and reputation

there's also a tendency for ni-ki to become surprisingly sharp-tongued and harsh if you manage to poke him too deeply or pinch a weak spot of his

he's relatively patient in general, but if ni-ki feels like you're taking it too far, he can get blunt, rude and inconsiderate with his choice of words

i can especially see this happening when you provoke him too persistently, he gets particularly sensitive about people not respecting his need for privacy, so if you continue to bother him after he's told you to leave him alone, ni-ki will hate that

if he's already told you he doesn't wanna talk about it and needs his space, it's best to just let him sort out and gather his thoughts on his own -> this can result in his lovers feeling left out in the cold and concerned

[mswyrr]

really enjoying the journey here. this was a transitional episode, so aside from the delight of it confirming some things i'd speculated about (Arada takes Pin-Lee for granted and Ratthi is there as a spur to growth out of that immature dynamic; Gurathin is head-over-heels in love with Mensah and trying to be chivalric about it), it raised more questions than it answered -- because episode 9 and 10 will be the pay-off for a lot of what this was setting up.

-somehow i've managed to actually avoid spoilers about (a) whether or not Murderbot did, in fact, kill those 57 miners and (b) if so, under what conditions -- i'm fascinated to watch whatever they're doing there unfold

-it might take into next season to fully explore such a fraught thing that Murderbot itself doesn't really remember or seem to understand though? and certainly its humans are struggling and might be struggling for a while with this... LOVED the way Noma played this moment

i like that she can have a moment of weakness -- i like that she's a complex human being and not the endlessly giving, perfect Mom to everyone parts of fandom want to her to be

personally, I think she's beating up on herself (and being UNFAIR to herself) for exposing her people to danger and letting her deep feeling of connection with Murderbot make her want to defend and include it -- but also, like, that was the *right* thing to do as well. And unfortunately there's no easy fix for their situation; there's no one thing she could have done to protect her people besides listen to Gurathin and not come on the mission at all. The circumstances aren't ones where, if she hadn't felt and cultivated that connection to Murderbot, the team would be safer.... actually, they'd probably dead already or with worse chances of survival!

And she hasn't ever treated it as a "pet" -- but, again, i think she's stressed beyond her endurance and brokenhearted at what she just saw and learned and really beating herself up in this moment. I don't think she's yelling at Ratthi primarily -- I think she's yelling at herself (and being really unfair to both -- because Ratthi hasn't treated Murderbot like a "pet" either!! He's a bit oblivious, but he's just a bit immature and really sweet but overly enthusiastic and oblivious with other people overall, human or bot! It's a character trait we see throughout his relationships)

-i think there's going to be a "twist" in the Sanctuary Moon plot.... John Cho is coming back, I can feel it! and i think that will coincide with things improving between Murderbot and the team, which.... the significance of its own life meaning enough to it emotionally that it can't focus on comfort tv because that's its "new show"? that's such a combo of "ow" and "aw"!

extremely seated with my popcorn and beverage for the next two episodes!

[disassembly-required]

So I know it's common for folks to headcanon Khan was always obsessed with doors, and that obsession was more or less an arbitrary passion he had... but I can't help but feel there's a really important detail that, when considered, suggests otherwise?

In episode 4, when Khan is showing the contents of "Nori's kooky insane ramblings" closet, one of the things he quotes Nori said was "build doors against the coming sky demons"

I feel this implies

a) building doors to protect from the murder drones (that she apparently had an intuition about) was Nori's idea

b) Khan, on some level, believed this was a "kooky insane rambling" and not something he took seriously

(important to remember Nori had some level of memory loss/disorganized cognition when she was recovered from the lab; Khan didn't know the significance of her history there, and Nori wouldn't have been able tell him everything, only these ominous bits and pieces that didn't entirely make sense.)

Therefore, c) Khan likely didn't even start building any doors before the murder drones came, since in the exposition intro, the workers were otherwise just living casually, not hiding away in the outpost.

So I'm led to believe perhaps... when the "sky demons" were real and they killed Nori, Khan felt responsible for her death because he didn't listen to her. He didn't build the doors.

And perhaps that's where his obsession stems from, that fatal mistake he never wanted to make again. And we can say it's pretty maladaptive, since he became so preoccupied with doors, he was more emotionally invested in them than Uzi. But in his mind, he must have thought his life's work WAS all for her, to keep her safe, where he failed Nori. Khan also became way too comfortable in his maladaptive coping, feeling SO sure behind his doors, he would never have to actually face a murder drone ever again.

All that said, it also puts his actions in the pilot into a bit of a different light, when he abandoned Uzi. I don't think Khan was simply frightened seeing a murder drone and acting cowardly. I think he was having a flashback and a panic response. I mean, Uzi's appearance takes after her mother, yeah? It must've reminded him of Nori being attacked, which is.. even more harrowing with the heavy implication N was the specific murder drone who killed Nori. Even if Khan didn't actively know it or recognize him, looking at N's face filled him panic. He was being brought back to Nori's death.

I think there's a few different reasons he may have chosen to close the door. I don't think it was done in a sound mind "this is clearly for the greater good, only losing one drone instead of the whole colony" thought process. I'm sure that was part of what he was weighing the best he could possibly process. But I think another reason may have been the fact that he already felt like he already failed Uzi, and by extent Nori once again, and he ....didn't want to see it happen again. Whether he didn't believe Uzi's gun was strong enough, or believed he wouldn't be able to aim, or believed wouldn't even have a shot at all before N attacked him too, ultimately he must've felt like the scene would play out the same (we are left to wonder if Khan tried to fight back when it was Nori...) and he didn't want to see Nori (through Uzi) die again.

Which sounds awful of course, but PTSD will do that to you. You'll make terrible, impulsive decisions because your mind is trying to protect itself from further damage. Had Uzi actually died, I think the regret would have hit him like a truck and destroyed him. I don't think he would have stood by a decision he made during a panic attack.

Anyway I got a little sidetracked re: Khan's trauma, but my main thesis here was: doors was Nori's idea. Khan didn't listen until it was too late. Then his entire world became doors.

[songmingisthighs]

Maudit

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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epilogue

ch. xciv - body glitter

cursed!jongho × reader

genre : mythology!au, smau

rating : mature; crude jokes and filthy language

buy me coffee ?

wc : 2.9 k

a/n : there's a hidden message on this chapter. can you guess what it is?

so long i've been here, so long are the stories i've written. of what i gathered and lost, loneliness becomes me and pain refuse to depart from me. i've embraced that which ate me away so when you came along, i had no part of me left to give.

The business with the realtor was rather quick, thanks to Mingi and his connection (and absolute distrust towards Beomgyu and the people he chose for some reason). Everything was straightforward, but the same can't be said about your emotional state because the moment you stepped into the house, you felt a great sadness wash over you. When you saw the living room, you somehow felt like something big had happened there, something that was significant enough to force a lump to form in your throat.

Headache attacked you just mere minutes after being in the building, and that was when you realized that the experience of coming back to a place you used to call home was rather emotionally taxing. You would pinpoint the pain on your grand uncle suddenly taking off without as much as a goodbye to you, which was rude of him to do, but there was something that made you say that it was not it. Having had enough of the pain, once the business was done, you immediately took off.

It was a rare occasion for you being out and about alone, you decided to take advantage of the opportunity and walk around a little. The problem was, you absolutely had no idea where to go. You thought about looking up places on Naver and just deciding on whichever's the closest (or cheapest), but for some reason, you couldn't find anywhere that seemed half as interesting.

Still immersed in your phone, you didn't realize that your legs had brought you to a street that you swore you had never went to but somehow it felt so familiar to you. When you managed to look up from your phone, you realized that you were in Gwanghwamun, particularly in the area where history was a big thing. The familiarity of the area felt like a confession at the tip of your tongue, waiting for the right time to unveil itself, yet you still couldn't place what exactly it was that got you feeling so.

It wasn't until you bumped into someone that you snapped out of your head.

"Shit, I'm so sorry!" you quickly apologized as you tried to stabilize yourself. The person you bumped into grabbed your arms and you took it as him helping you not to fall, but as you looked to his face, you realized that he was looking at you with such... Intrigue? Longing? Pain? "I... It's fine.... Are you- are you okay?" The guy asked before the two other guys behind him jumped to your sides as well, "I can't believe that you-" the guy on the left was immediately pinched in the arm by the shortest guy of the three, "Yeosang, don't be so harsh, it's not like (Y/)- I mean, this lady meant to bump into San," then he looked at you with a charming grin that was absolutely genuine and welcoming but somehow made you want to cringe and roll your eyes just out of habit. "Are you okay, miss?" the guy you bumped into, you presumed his name was San, as told by the grinning idiot guy, "Y-yeah, I'm fine, I'm just- I wasn't focusing I guess, I'm just looking for somewhere to just... Sit down? I'm not familiar with the area, that's why I was glued to my phone so much," you said sheepishly.

The guy who was pinched, Yeosang? Suddenly spoke up, "If you're looking to go somewhere, might I suggest this cute little tea shop? It's just straight down this road, then you turn into the path right between the Japanese Bakery and GS25, the tea shop is on the right side, styled like a Hanok." You squinted your eyes at him slightly and joked, "This is not a ploy for you to trap me in some cult, right? Because I can call a friend and he'll come in bulldozing and I'm pretty sure he'd actually get a bulldozer." The three of them laughed and you swore you heard one of them muttered 'as if Mingi has the braincell to operate one' which was followed by a smack but you didn't know who said or did what. "No, no, I can promise you we're not trapping you or anything, Yeosang here means no harm. But really, ask anyone in this area and they'll tell you that the tea shop is the best in this area and it's gonna get packed soon," 'San' said.

Hesitance loomed over you because why should you listen to strangers, especially since strangers giving recommendations to other strangers is such an impossible concept in a city such as Seoul.

"Ehm," the shortest guy cleared his throat suddenly, "Well, we need to go now, let's leave this young lady alone unless she'd prefer to enjoy the evening in my company, then I'd gladly drop my friends even if it's off a building," he winked. While the two guys gawked and scoffed, you actually cringed and, without missing a beat, you deadpanned, "Not if you wanna spend the entire time watching me eat shards of glass." The other two men immediately burst into a fit of laughter while the guy who shamelessly flirted with you stood there looking offended. Well, for a moment, before his eyes suddenly turned... sad? Though his lips curled into a small smirk, which was odd for you.

Eventually, the three guys went on their way (the two normal ones dragging the shameless flirt), and you found yourself following the recommendation of the stranger. Walking past the path that you swore was the first time for you, but felt a bit too familiar.

Not long after, you arrived and true to the guy's words, the tea shop was cute, and it was starting to get packed. Luckily, you managed to find a seat, dropped your items to tag the spot before going to the cashier to order something.

Displayed on the right side of the cashier were cakes and pastries that looked absolutely delicious without being obnoxiously over the top while behind the cashier, on top of the wall, was a chalkboard with a list of drinks. The line was moving at a pace that gave you adequate time to make a decision, but still, you couldn't make up your mind, not even when it was your turn to order. You kind of felt sorry for the people behind you and also for the worker who was looking at you like she didn't even have her own soul which was ironic since the tea shop was beaming with life.

"Boss!" The employee exclaimed when there was a sound of a mug breaking, which caught your attention. The person you assumed was the boss was looking at you with his jaw hanging and eyes wide, seemingly really surprised which made you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. "W-Wha- Sorry, sorry, Yooyoung, can you- can you please help clean this? I- I'll handle the order here," he said, sending his grumbling employee to the back, not that he seem to care as presumed by the way he was gawking at you, "Sorry about that, w-what can I get you?" he asked, voice shaking slightly.

Understandably, you were a bit weirded out, but you decided to just overlook the situation and continued ordering. "I actually don't know what to order, so do you think you can recommend something?" The boss guy's eyes practically sparkled as he nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, yes, of course! I absolutely recommend the iced matcha latte and strawberry fresh cream cake; it might seem that the combination could be too sweet, but trust me, they work," he proudly said. "Great, give me one of those, please," you said, handing him your card. As he was tapping, he suddenly paused and looked back up at you, "I... I recommended that because I used to have this, uh... Friend, I guess, who understands my sweet tooth and would often bring me those two when she came by my place, which was usually for work since she worked for- with my other friend so the combo holds a special place in my heart, I guess," he smiled, a bit sadly. You wanted to be weirded out but there was this feeling in your chest and for some reason, you could almost taste iced matcha and strawberry fresh cream cake in your tongue, as if you knew the taste of his memory. "Well, I'll try to enjoy them... I guess," you awkwardly said, not knowing how else to respond. The boss cleared his throat and cleared your payment before handing your card back. "I..." He seemed like he wanted to say something and you waited until he shook his head slightly and gave you a tight-lipped smile, "Please enjoy, and I hope you'll come back."

The interaction left you slightly puzzled, but you completely forgot about it the moment your food and drink arrived. With just a bite and a sip, you absolutely understood why the boss recommended it. The taste was somehow nostalgic; the sweetness of the cake reminded you of pathetic, bitter laughter over complaints about work, and the smoothness of the matcha reminded you of rainy days and art. Immersed in your cake and drink, you completely missed the three huddling figures in the corner of the room. "You just had to make contact, didn't you?" Hongjoong teased, smirking at Seonghwa, who scowled and smacked him with a tea towel, "I couldn't help it, I was shocked!" he defended. "That's pathetic, hyung," Yunho said, rolling his eyes but Seonghwa snapped his head at him and glared, "Hey, I wasn't the one who came rushing in just because San texted about seeing (y/n)." "Hey, I came here because I was already planning to, Jongho wanted to hang here, so who am I to pass on mocking his mopiness?" Yunho stated. The two older men stared at Yunho with eyes the size of saucers. "What?" Yunho asked, oblivious. "Are you saying that Jongho is coming here?" Seonghwa asked, making sure he didn't mishear. "Yeah, why?" It was obvious that Yunho was still clueless about the situation. "Dude," Hongjoong then looked between him and you, trying to clue him in, but it was obviously not working, seeing how he was still looking at the two older men confusedly.

Just as the conversation was happening, you were getting yourself comfortable with your headphones and Spotify playlist. You were just about to settle on a podcast about some music industry conspiracy theory when a playlist caught your eye. "'Absolutely Tasteful Music'?" You muttered to yourself, opening the playlist and saw a list of songs that you didn't remember ever having enough interest to put them in a playlist. But the titles intrigued you, and you pressed the shuffle button and the first song to play was The Chaser by Infinite.

go first, I will win her back Even if you’re ahead for a bit, I will catch up

"Oh my God, you're such a nerd," "Excuse me? Which of us is majoring in history?" A memory flashed the moment you heard the lyrics, and it was so vivid yet so vague. You saw a living room and someone sitting across you on the couch, and it was the same person in the same setting from your other memories, a place that felt like home, but you couldn't even remember.

Protect her, so she won’t forget me I will go till the end to the place where my person is Narrow the streets so I can catch you I will risk everything to find my person

New memories flooded you, this time of a guy sitting in front of your campus library at night, looking guilty and nervous. "You don't seem like you belong. What are you doing here?" "I came to see you... I don't think I'm human anymore". Though the memory made no sense as you didn't remember the whole context, for some reason, you absolutely understood him, and you feel like you... Sympathized with him to the point that you just wanted to hug him and tell him everything will be better, and things will turn out his way soon.

Yes, I tried to cast you out with a spiteful heart As I trampled on my instincts My obsession toward you became faint And I’m calling it all love once again Again today, I can’t let you go or cut you out As if I’m possessed, I chase after you, who is filled in my eyes

"God (y/n) are you being serious right now ??? You hurt me, deeply, (y/n) and you betrayed me. I trusted you so much, maybe a little too much." Without you realizing it, you were openly tearing up in the middle of the cafe. It wasn't the words that stung you, it was the fact that you knew you did something bad and you really hurt this person. It wasn't the guilt of unfinished business that weighed your heart, but it was the unspoken word that would probably be lost forever, the word that you knew encapsulated your feelings for one another, feelings that you shared. Feelings that were left up in the air because you didn't get the chance to tell it to him.

Don’t be sorry, you can abandon me spitefully and leave If that’s what you want, yeah, goodbye But that doesn’t mean I have given up too

Hours that felt like they had just passed turned out to be merely the span of one song, and your thumb just immediately paused it before it could change.

Outside of your flashback bubble, people were enjoying themselves, completely oblivious to the absolute emotional roller coaster that you just went through. Your head spun slightly, and your hands trembled. How can one song bring so many feelings out?

Looking at your phone, one part of the lyric stood out to you the most.

My love wins

Ordinarily, you wouldn't be much affected, nor would you overthink random words that you found by chance. After all, coincidences do happen and sometimes something should just be perceived at face value, nothing much to it.

Visions of flashbacks still played, however, as if telling you that it was important for you to remember them and maybe even find out what they were exactly.

Every day, since the moment you woke up at the hospital with Mingi next to you, you felt like there was a missing part in your life.

So you took off your headphones and contemplated whether you should leave the shop or stay a bit more because there was something, a force you could say, that felt like it was whispering for you to be vigilant, to wait. Not knowing what it was, you convinced yourself that

You opened your eyes, and immediately, you were met with a pair of eyes that looked surprised. You swore you didn't know him, but his eyes looked so familiar, as if you had spent hours staring into them. Strangers were usually of no interest to you, but this guy was different. Something in your heart was calling out to him, as if it wanted to reach out to him and tell him that you missed him. How could you miss a stranger? But as he looked at you with a look that made you feel butterflies in your stomach, you had a feeling that he felt somewhat similar to you.

One minute turned to two, you both kept staring at each other, not knowing what to do as it felt like there was a whole history that unravelled that changed the trajectory of one of your, or even both of your lives. For a moment, the man looked like he was contemplating something, seemingly perplexed as if he wanted to run away. But before he could do anything and before you could stop yourself, you smiled at him. "This may not make sense to you, but would you believe me if I told you that I feel like we should get to know each other?" you asked, nervously because the stranger might think that you were crazy. But oddly, his perplexed expression melted away into a smile as he gave a small nod, "This may not make sense to you, but I feel like we already knew each other somehow," he said. You tapped the empty chair at your table as a gesture to him, "I heard this place gets crowded and as solo visitors, I think I would be wise to just... Share a table," you pointed out, biting into your bottom lip nervously. The man raised his eyebrows in surprise, momentarily taken aback. But he immediately recovered and nodded in agreement, "I guess you have a point," then he moved from his table to yours. "I'm (y/n) by the way," you said, putting a hand out, and he took it gently, "Nice to meet you, (y/n), I'm," "Jongho," you blurted out. His eyes widened, and so did yours. "I- I'm sorry, I didn't know why I just said that, It's just... You have this vibe and the name was kind of itching in my brain and I just-" "That's my name, Jongho," he cut you off. Your heart skipped a beat at the confirmation because you just knew that it had to mean something. The surprised look on Jongho's face shifted to something that was unreadable to you.

"Unlikely as it is, but perhaps fate really wanted us together... Here, I mean," he sheepishly said. You could be freaked out by a stranger saying that to you, after all, you had just met, right? But with him, there was something different, something safe. So you simply nodded in agreement and smiled, "I couldn't agree more."

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[ivesambrose]

PAC : September 2024 Mini Messages

1. 2. 3.

And we're almost in fall 🍁

To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at ivesambrose@gmail.com

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Picture 1

You'll be feeling the urge to socialize or reconnect with friends and loved ones this month. Likely even connect with new people that inspire you and reignite a spark within you. It seems like as you're headed for autumn you begin to experience your personal spring. There's a lot in your mind and heart and it's been repressed there for quite some time now because you haven't found the right means to express them or the people to express them to but this: shall change. I see you wanting to maintain more balance and diplomacy in your life this month instead of extremes. In a way you've told yourself, "Hey I've done enough push and pull, let me allow things to fall in place." A lot of you might focus on regulating your nervous system, some of you might be starting therapy or just being more attentive about your mental health. Some of you might collaborate or work with others especially if you're an artist or creator of any kind. I also see a select few coming out of hiding and gaining the confidence to put themselves out there. This month will also end on a joyful note for you. You'll also be pursuing something your heart feels really called to. You'll also feel cherished and cared for, this could be from a special someone or your friends and family or the community you're proud of. You'll feel a lot less alone, you never really were.

Picture 2

Leaving all that heartache behind. Bit by bit. Holding your life by the reigns by finding the courage within. There's no need to wait for anyone to help you through this, just begin. I know certain anguishes weigh rather heavily but it doesn't have to be a permanent resident there. A lot of you are planning on moving away from a present location that hasn't been bringing you peace you'l likely end up executing it before this year ends. Sometime around this month itself you'll find yourself feeling emotionally renewed. Opportunities coming up that you had been praying for since long but you feel nervous taking up because emotional fulfillment somehow feels scary to you. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Take the plunge because it'll lead to you feeling proud and successful of yourself. I also see a peak in finances or you saving up enough to afford something that makes you really happy. If you have pets you'll be spending more time with them or even consider adopting one. You'll start finding joy in the things you used to years back. Hold onto this feeling. For some reason the song, 'Innocence' by Avril Lavigne came through for this pile as well. If you resonate deeply with music, then this song definitely has a message for you.

Picture 3

A mental breakthrough. I see you being assertive and maybe even cut throat with your goals. I also see a lot of you disciplining your mind to the maximum. Correcting any negative thought and assumption. You'll also find yourself emerging victorious no matter what situation you're facing. There's a specific turn of events and fate for you. Fall overall is a significant time for this pile. I see you embracing joy diligently, making new friends and connections and making plans with your loved ones. You have chosen to let your inner child experience everything they have been forced to let go of. Do not dim your own light this month. You were meant to shine. You were meant to stand out. Some of you might also have a significant secret admirer as well. They see you as the break of dawn after a dark and solemn night and want to pretty much make you feel the same it seems. You'll find yourself wanting to relax more and allow things to come to you. Stressing and forcing on the other hand might lead to discord and feeling burnt out. It seems as though you had been fearing the worst but there has been a pleasant change of plans for you. You will be starting a new chapter in your life, you'll be rather stubborn about it too, brainstorming quite a bit, might encounter a few conflicts here and there but nothing good team work can't solve. This will eventually lead you to the version of you that you have in mind.

[calebslittlecrow]

The Glorification Of Struggle

“Is enduring part of the etiquette?”

The sacred art of struggling. The universally beloved tale: one brave soul simply must suffer deeply, cry dramatically (preferable during a rainy moment), be emotionally crushed, and then, after enough cinematic trauma, they’re finally deemed worthy of getting what they want. The more pain, the more it counts, right? The meat and potatoes of the hero’s journey. You’ve probably seen the movies. Read a book or two with that trope. We’ve been practically marinating in this narrative since birth. Struggle? Glorified. Sacrifice? Romanticized. Pain? Your ticket to the self worth club. Because if you aren’t sobbing into your pillow at 3am after the 12th failed attempt at shifting to a mildly improved life, are you even trying in the first place? We’ve been trained to believe that suffering = significance. That hardship makes things real. That if something doesn’t cost you blood, sweat, tears and one emotional breakdown, it probably isn’t valuable or worth it. So obviously, if we come to something as “big” as shifting, the ultimate act of rewriting your life to whatever you want it to be, we expect it to be a soul wrecking final boss battle. And then someone comes along and says: “Shifting is easy.” The collective gasp occurs. The pearl clutching, the little eye twitch. What do you mean, easy? Where is the suffering? The angst? The endless nights of crying while ambient piano music plays in the background? What do you mean I do not have to sacrifice my sanity first?

It doesn’t feel right to see shifting as easy. Not because the notion of shifting being easy is wrong, but because it clashes with our pain based programming. So what do you think we do? We sabotage shifting. Subtly. Subconsciously. But we do it spectacularly.

We start overcomplicating. Put 15 more steps in our shifting routine. Rewrite our script 27 times despite barely anything changing. Searching for “the real way”, “the one way” of shifting as if that shit is hidden behind a paywall and a dark night of the soul. Because if it’s too simple, it can’t be real or right, surely?

We don’t trust ease. It feels fake. Unfair. As if we are cheating in some way. Let’s be honest, a lot of shifters deep down don’t feel like they deserve to shift unless they struggled through some soul crushing journey beforehand. And that thinking? That’s a trap.

We don’t actually need to suffer to shift. But we insist on it. We expect it. So we create struggles where there actually doesn’t need to be any, just so we can feel like we’re worthy of the reward. Because we’ve been taught: if it’s hard, it must be meaningful. If it’s easy, something’s wrong. It’s like we don’t know how to want things and simply have them. We need the montage. We crave emotional bruises. We want our own phoenix-rising-from-the-ashes moment, even if we lit the fire that burnt us ourselves. But shifting doesn’t care about your emotional performance, it doesn’t hand out trophies for “Most Dramatic Attempt”. It’s not waiting for you to hit rock bottom to say “Okay, you suffered enough, to your DR you go”. You don’t need to burn out, break down or be worthy enough. You don’t have to earn ease. You can just… go. You can shift just because you want to. Because it feels good and because you’re allowed to. And despite that, here we are. Writing post after post doubting that shifting can be easy, making it harder than it needs to be. Doubting ourselves every time it feels too light, too good, too possible. Next time you doubt the “shifting is easy” narrative, ask yourself if you really think it’s impossible to be easy, or if you are just so used to struggling that you don’t know how it feels to simply let go and be at ease.

[enden-agolor]

i fucking LOVE the way you draw/write jesse, as someone with a chubby/buff build i kind of struggle with insecurities about my size but the way you draw him makes me feel very good. idk im describing it badly but i wanted to ask if your design for him is more chubby or muscly?

Dude thank you 🥺🩵 You described it very well.

It really depends on which time frame I'm drawing Jesse in actually.

In the beginning, I imagine Jesse is quite scrawny. I mean did you see his work out routine in the beginning? He was was doing sit ups and punching flowers. He was definitely lacking muscle (but had enough to be able to lift Reuben up and down that ladder) and as the first couple episodes progress, he stays scrawny but progressively becomes more scarred up until the Portal Hallway episodes.

The Portal Hallway episodes, it takes place many months after the events of the Witherstorm. Jesse and his friends are going on many more adventures, really honing their skills that they acquired over the past few months. Jesse is much more built now. He's buff and tough with the true heart of a hero. Although, once he and his friends get stuck in the Portal Hall, that's when things take a really devastating turn for him. Feeling hopeless and lost for weeks on end, he begins to feel withdrawn from the positivity he was feeling before he ended up stuck here. Traumatic events keep occuring, and with these events, Jesse is of course drawn to remember and replay the events of Reuben's death in his head. He keeps the most of these feelings to himself because his group is already feeling so disheartened about their current situation that the last thing he'd want for them is to know that he's breaking emotionally, so he ends up taking less care of himself. He starts eating with the idea that he has to stay strong for his friends, but even those moments are rare. Food is scarce depending on what portal they are in, so when he finds food, he'll take anything that will keep his energy and strengths up.

By the end of it all, he's actually put on a significant amount of muscle. But it's kind of like a 'at what cost?' scenario.

Things get a bit better for him between then and Season 2 where he's eating better again and keeping all that muscle, but once Season 2 comes and goes, and with everything that happens in the Sunshine Institute and the Underneath, he loses a lot of weight.

It's only after Season 2, where he stays in BeaconTown and eventually finds a love life with Lukas when he really begins putting on weight once again. He's done with hero work. He's done with going on crazy life threatening adventures. Now he just wants to live life for himself rather than putting others first. Lukas helps him a lot through this, with body positivity and lots of love and affectionate touch, it's all the reassurance Jesse has ever needed to feel okay with being himself again. So he ends up putting on that happy weight that couples typically adopt over time when they're in a healthy relationship. Lukas treats him so, so unbelievably well. Finally Jesse gets to eat food for himself without the idea of needing to keep himself strong and powerful once he's finally retired. He indulges himself in his sweet tooth and loves to eat cookies, cakes, and other baked goods that Lukas will bake or bring home. He also really enjoys the fact that he doesn't have to eat alone anymore. He loves sitting at the table and enjoying a meal with his hubby. And the best part, which is something Jesse was horribly self conscious about, is that Lukas loves and adores his pudge. He is so supportive of Jesse's eating habits, but he doesn't hesitate to sneak veggies and fruits into Jesse's lunch box for work.

So yeah uh Jesse is chubby, buff and loved at the end of it all 😍

Here's some lil doodles of him I have lying around. The first one is pretty old and could probably use a touch up since now I don't see much of a difference, but you get the point ☠️

[astroa3h]

Chiron through the signs ✨

Chiron, the wounded healer, is a celestial body that carries profound significance in our astrological journey. Its placement in your chart reveals where you harbor deep, often unspoken pain, and paradoxically, where you possess the unique power to heal others. But let's get one thing straight: Chiron is not a fluffy, feel-good part of your chart. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s the stuff we don’t talk about at dinner parties.

If your Chiron is in Aries, you’ve likely struggled with your sense of identity. You’ve been burned by rejection, by the feeling that no matter how hard you try, you’re never quite good enough. You might feel like you’re constantly at war with yourself, and this inner conflict can manifest in a need to prove yourself over and over again. But here’s the truth: the only person you need to prove yourself to is you. Stop fighting battles that don’t exist. Instead, recognize that your wound is your power. You have the ability to lead, to inspire, to be the trailblazer who shows others that self-acceptance is the greatest victory. When you stop looking for validation outside of yourself, you’ll find it within.

With Chiron in Taurus, the wound runs deep in your sense of security and self-worth. Maybe you’ve never felt truly stable, either financially or emotionally. You might cling to material possessions or relationships, thinking they will fill the void inside you. But I sense that this is a trap. The more you try to hold on, the more you lose sight of what really matters: your own intrinsic value. The key here is to redefine what security means to you. It’s not about what you have; it’s about who you are. When you start to appreciate your own worth, you’ll find that the external world mirrors that back to you. Your healing comes from knowing that you are enough, just as you are.

Chiron in Gemini speaks to wounds around communication and self-expression. You might feel like you’re never truly heard or understood, like your voice is lost in the crowd. This can lead to a fear of speaking up, of sharing your thoughts and ideas. But let me tell you, your voice is powerful, and it’s needed. Your challenge is to push through the fear, to find the words even when they don’t come easily. When you do, you’ll find that your words have the power to heal, not just yourself but others too. Your gift is in connecting the dots, in seeing the big picture, and helping others do the same. Don’t shy away from that. Your voice is your superpower.

If your Chiron is in Cancer, the wound is tied to your sense of belonging, to home and family. Maybe you’ve never felt like you truly fit in, or perhaps there’s a deep hurt connected to your childhood or your relationship with your mother. This wound can make you feel emotionally exposed, vulnerable in a way that’s hard to protect yourself against. But here’s what you need to know: your sensitivity is not a weakness; it’s a strength. You have the capacity to create the safe space you’ve always longed for, both for yourself and for others. Your healing comes from nurturing, from creating a sense of home within yourself. When you do, you’ll find that the world feels a lot less hostile.

With Chiron in Leo, the wound strikes at your sense of self-expression and creativity. You might feel like you’re always in the shadow, never truly able to shine in the way you want. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, like you’re not special enough, not talented enough. But I’m here to tell you that this is a lie. You were born to shine. Your challenge is to step into the spotlight, to own your gifts, and to stop comparing yourself to others. When you embrace your uniqueness, you’ll find that your light not only brightens your world but illuminates the path for others too. Your creativity is your medicine; use it.

Chiron in Virgo touches on issues of perfectionism and self-criticism. You might feel like you’re never quite good enough, like you’re always falling short of some impossible standard. This can lead to a constant state of anxiety, of feeling like you need to fix yourself or others. But let me give you a reality check: perfection is an illusion. The more you chase it, the further away it gets. Your healing comes from accepting your imperfections, from realizing that you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love and respect. When you let go of the need to be perfect, you’ll find peace. And that peace will allow you to help others find their own.

Chiron in Libra brings wounds related to relationships and balance. You might struggle with feeling like you’re always the one giving more, always the one trying to keep the peace. This can lead to resentment, to feeling like you’re never truly valued for who you are. But here’s the deal: you need to stop seeking balance outside of yourself. True balance comes from within. When you find that inner equilibrium, your relationships will naturally start to reflect that. You have the ability to create harmony, to bring people together, but only when you’re in harmony with yourself. Stop trying to please everyone and start pleasing yourself.

With Chiron in Scorpio, the wound is deep, connected to issues of power, control, and transformation. You might have experienced trauma or betrayal, something that has left you feeling powerless or out of control. This wound can lead to a fear of intimacy, a fear of being vulnerable. But here’s what I know: your power lies in your ability to transform. You have the capacity to rise from the ashes, to reinvent yourself in a way that others can only dream of. Your healing comes from embracing the darkness, from facing your fears head-on. When you do, you’ll find that your power is unstoppable. You are the phoenix; don’t be afraid to burn and be reborn.

Chiron in Sagittarius touches on wounds related to belief systems and the search for meaning. You might feel like you’re always questioning, always searching for something that feels true. This can lead to a sense of restlessness, of never feeling truly grounded. But I sense that your journey is not about finding the answers; it’s about embracing the journey itself. Your healing comes from trusting your own inner wisdom, from realizing that you don’t need to have all the answers to be on the right path. When you embrace the adventure, you’ll find that the meaning you’re searching for is already within you.

If your Chiron is in Capricorn, the wound is tied to issues of authority, responsibility, and achievement. You might feel like you’re always carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, like you need to be the strong one, the responsible one. This can lead to a fear of failure, of not living up to expectations. But here’s the truth: you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Your value is not in what you achieve but in who you are. Your healing comes from letting go of the need to control, from trusting that you are enough just as you are. When you do, you’ll find that success comes naturally, without the struggle.

Chiron in Aquarius brings wounds related to individuality and belonging. You might feel like you’re always on the outside looking in, like you don’t quite fit in with the crowd. This can lead to a fear of being different, of standing out. But let me tell you, your difference is your gift. You were not born to fit in; you were born to stand out. Your challenge is to embrace your uniqueness, to find your tribe, the people who get you, and to stop trying to conform. When you do, you’ll find that your individuality is exactly what the world needs. You are the change-maker, the innovator, and your healing comes from embracing that.

Finally, with Chiron in Pisces, the wound is connected to spirituality and the dissolution of boundaries. You might feel like you’re always picking up on the emotions of others, like you’re drowning in a sea of feelings that aren’t even yours. This can lead to a sense of confusion, of not knowing where you end and others begin. But here’s the secret: your sensitivity is your superpower. You have the ability to tap into the collective consciousness, to feel deeply and to heal others through your empathy. Your healing comes from setting boundaries, from learning to protect your energy while still being open to the world. When you do, you’ll find that your compassion is your greatest strength.

Chiron is not here to break you; it’s here to make you whole. By understanding its placement in your chart, you can turn your wounds into wisdom, your pain into power.

Blessings,

Ash ✨

Get your own reading at astroash.net

[iscdisc]

Platonic 2012 Capril rambling-

Because I can't do art today (I'm not at my drawing tablet today- 😔), I'm just going to ramble a bit- Lmao

I know the writers for this series dropped the ball with a lot of relationships / development of main relationships (i.e. Some of the brother dynamics like Donnie with Raph or even Leo to an extent, April with all of the brothers basically, Splinter with his kids, etc.), so I don't know how generous I can reasonably be with this specific topic here, but something I personally think is really neat (Especially if intentional-) is April and Casey's dynamic during the Farmhouse Arc !

In the first episode of Season 3 (EP 1, "Within the Woods"-), we see this turbulence between Casey and April over the situation that their in upon Casey asking April if something was wrong considering her distance towards him as of late (Mind you, they're three months into their stay at April's family Farmhouse in upstate New York-). She blows up on him a bit, believing he's being unreasonable with this question and asking too much of her (At least, that's my interpretation of her words-). I know I'm very 2012 Casey biased, so it's completely fine if you disagree with me here, but I personally don't believe Casey meant anything malicious or manipulative by this question-?

It seemed very genuine and implies the two have a close enough relationship for Casey to notice her (mentally / emotionally) pulling away- I can understand his asking personally, since I would probably do the same in his position. It also could've been his way of reaching out, and since he often gets misunderstood despite his good intentions, April took it the wrong way (Not trying to say she was "in the wrong", but it did feel a bit of an overreaction in my eyes. I personally feel like she was just stressed out and shaken up in that moment, as we see in the screenshot above April getting spooked by a tree branch in this same scene scenario, which led her to take it out on him-).

As shitty as this scene is (For Casey specifically, especially considering he was very understanding and didn't make her feel bad for it or even bring it up again at all-), I mention it because of what we see with the two episodes later. In S3 EP 3, "Buried Secrets"-

Out of everyone April could've gone to about her Mother / the ultimatum she was being presented with by said Mother, she went to Casey about it. Besides S2 EP 9, "The Kraang Conspiracy", April doesn't talk about her Mother much with the Turtles (The Brothers were only exposed to her Mother via Kurtzman as well, not April herself volunteering that information-). The only ones we've seen April open up to about her Mother (On her own accord-) are Karai in Season 1 (EP 21, "Karai's Vendetta"-) and now Casey in Season 3. This felt like such a significant moment given the interaction we see them have in, "Within the Woods". It seems like Casey was proven to be genuine in his concern for April as her friend and April truly acknowledges that better now. Why else would April choose to be so vulnerable with him after having such a shitty moment together episodes prior (Where she felt he was being very insensitive / inconsiderate of her feelings-)?

I also have a personal theory that these two were testing the waters of a relationship during Season 2 (Which I've mentioned before-), and if my theory is correct, that could also contribute to their closeness and April's willingness to share such personal things with him specifically. Also given this theory, I'm not saying it wouldn't have been surprising if April thought Casey was attempting to "weasel his way back in romantically" when he asked her about whether or not they were okay during, "Within the Woods" (Which feels substantiated by Donnie making such a emphasized point about them being "two teens who like each other going into the woods alone" a scene prior-), but like I said before I really don't think that's what Casey was trying to do at all. I think he was being genuine.

I just really like this moment that they share here, and it really seems like their dynamic is moving towards a more platonic direction- We can even backtrack a bit to the beginning of this episode when they're having the cleaning montage- Even this had a different energy to it for me personally. I feel like from this episode ("Buried Secrets"-) moving forward, a lot of the "advances" Casey makes towards April come off kind of jokey and very clearly not taken seriously by April whatsoever.

Maybe I could be wrong, but it really felt like two exes (Or rather two people who were exploring a relationship but then that fell through-)?? Casey's going to poke fun because that's just in his nature, and they both know where they stand with each other now so April's not going to really comment on it and just find these jokes "annoying" (But in a way that you find your friend annoying, you know?).

It's also the way that April seems to be a lot livelier as a person with Casey, which I think also speaks to their better grounded friendship (And possible implication of romantic closeness, since that past vulnerability could have made it easier for April to really be herself around / with Casey ! Definitely not in the way she can "be herself" around Donnie, since in my personal opinion, it always feels like she's putting on some kind of face for him-). I didn't get a screenshot of it, but the moment between them at the end of this specific episode (S3 EP 8, "Vision Quest"-) speaks to that too in my opinion. The little banter that they're having over April breaking the wood and the finger snaps thing that she afterwards- I'm just saying that we don't get this kind of energy from April outside of her interactions with Casey (In my opinion-). Lmao

Again, I don't know how much I can attribute this to the writing since I'm not entirely sure that this was an intentional thing, but I think regardless it's cool to see their dynamic throughout the Farmhouse Arc !

I also really like this particular platonic closeness between Casey and April (Especially under the context that they were a relationship that didn't work out but are still super close / have moved on from it-), because I feel like this would be a better way to explain Casey's continued "protectiveness" over April + annoyance with Donnie in relation to her. Not that I'm trying to shit talk 2012 Donnie here, but he is a massive weirdo towards her for a significant amount of time in the series and I'm sure if April and Casey are as close as I'm assuming they are during this time, April has expressed that to Casey before. So it's kind of nice to view Casey continuing to be this way towards Donnie as a means of defending April from uncomfortable interactions with Donnie rather than him still seeing himself as a viable candidate for her "love" or something- You know what I mean?

Although, I know this particular instance (From "Buried Secrets"-) doesn't exactly hold up as well as I would like it to here, given the episode prior (EP 2, "A Foot Too Big"-), April literally kissed Donnie- Like legitimately kissed Donnie. So I can't exactly say Donnie's persistence here "doesn't make sense", cause April really was giving off some weird signals / messages. Again, as always, we can thank the piss poor writing. Lmao

There's also this moment that I wanted to talk about outside of The Farmhouse Arc when they return to New York City (Specifically from S3 EP 10, "Serpent Hunt"-). Objectively speaking, this felt like kind of a weird moment from April that I didn't really understand? From a canonical writing perspective, this came off as the writers trying to still continue this, "Will they, won't they?" aspect of April and Casey's relationship-?? But maybe this thing can be viewed as April possibly reminiscing fondly about the past (If my theory about them having a failed relationship throughout Season 2 is accurate-) and appreciating Casey still being by her side? I honestly feel like I'm grasping at straws with this interpretation- LMAO

Anyway that's my ramble about those two- They just felt like a lot of lost / wasted potential as far as like having a boy and girl friendship that wasn't weird? Lmao ✨