#there are some sins we consider objectively worse for many reasons but it’s all still sin in God’s eyes

[insanechayne]

Next time you can just @ me sis ✌🏻💖

[lhs3020b]

The General Election Fallout Post

Hello again; I, uh, forgot to visit Tumble Dot Com for a bit.

Anyway, I'm back. For now, at least.

And yes, Election Day has been and gone. So let's start with some anti-Tory schadenfreude: ROFL, LMAO, LOL, get fucked, idiots. Good riddance, rust in pieces, you will not be missed.

Unfortunately, the overall political picture is - well, let's be honest, for a massive anti-Tory defeat it's ended up more bleak than I would have considered likely.

Unfortunately, the Tories didn't quite collapse in the way I hoped - they had a very bad night, but they're still the official Opposition, so the party will survive as a corporate entity. And that means we'll probably get it back at some point, which I'm not exactly thrilled about.

Meanwhile Labour managed to produce the most flimsy landslide anyone's ever seen. I say flimsy because actually, they took fewer votes than they did in 2019 - remember how our good friends the wise and all-knowing centrists assured us that that was a true sin unto the ages, and we should all hang our heads in shame and never be seen in public again? Yeeeeaaaaah. Your boy Keith did worse, guys. Meanwhile, Labour's fraction of the actual vote-that-was-cast was ... actually not great, either, at 34%. While he won, it's clear he's not loved.

Yes, that's right, their performance is barely a percentage-point better than 2019. And, uh, about 10 percentage-points down on what the Very Serious And All-Knowing Opinion Pollsters claimed it would be. So yes, there's been another fuckie-wuckie from the pollsters; unfortunately, as they technically got the headline result right (if none of the details), I suppose they'll get away with it :(

(Rewards for failure; it's very on-brand for the 2020s, isn't it?)

The only reason last night's landslide happened was because the Tory 2019 voter-coalition disintegrated (though, not as far as the pollsters claimed it would - honestly, we're overdue a period of silence from those guys).

In fairness yes, Labour get to form a government and yes they have a huge majority. But, what they pulled off yesterday will only work once - there will be no second Tory collapse - and their economic plans in particular have some ticking timebombs under them. A hint: what if the GDP Growth Fairy doesn't visit these sceptred isles after all ... ? How will Starmer's leadership ratings cope once their fiscal rules force them to deliver another austerity budget? What will they cut? What public services or government departments will simply stop?

TBH I wouldn't be even slightly surprised if, even one year in the future, Starmer's ratings and his party's have imploded. Yes, I'm fallible and I could be wrong, maybe they'll land another massive landslide in 2029 - but I'm worried about the future.

This brings us to Reform, Nigel Farage's latest vanity vehicle/puppet party-shaped object.

Unfortunately, a lot of the ex-Tory vote went to Reform UK, and if there was any question that Refuck are actual full-fat fascists, then I think the recent mini-scandal put paid to that. (For those who don't know, some Refuck activists were recently caught on camera by Channel 4 News, literally calling for asylum seekers to be machine-gunned, demanding a police pogrom against LGBTQ people, and so on. In as many words. No dog whistles, no coded remarks or anything like that. It was literally - and horrifyingly - what it sounded like. A call for deliberate, directed State violence against minority groups. Centrists, please, if you can't see that for what it is, then please consider why that might be!)

So, given that Refuck have won 5 seats, we now have actual, unambiguous fascists in Parliament. And that was something that had never quite happened before - our politics could often be an awful cesspit but even during the worst parts of the post-2016 crisis we hadn't quite tipped off that ledge.

Not now. Yay us, I guess?

You can tell I'm not enjoying this post anywhere near as much as I wanted to, can't you?

Anyway, fuck the Tories, fuck their ex-MPs, fuck their remaining ones and as for the people who still voted for them in spite of everything, honestly, what's wrong with you? (Seriously - why? What do you see in them? They've done nothing for you. They spent lockdown pissed on expensive wine and laughing at you. Why are you still supporting them?)

The other news is that the Lib Dems are back. They've done a surprisingly-efficient job of turning votes into seats - in fact it looks like they barely wasted any votes anywhere, and so have managed to get from 12 seats to 71 - yes, 71! - while taking only about 12% of the vote. Well, credit where it's due, I suppose. And much as I will never forgive the Coalition for setting us onto the path of ruin that we're on, nonetheless during the campaign Ed Davey was the only person who actually seemed to be enjoying himself. It seems to have worked out - the LDs have had their best election result since the 1920s.

If you want to look for some (possible) rays of light in this mess ... well, the Green Party did relatively well. Their vote went up, and they now have four MPs, vserus 1 in the previous Parliament. (Full disclosure: I voted Green. I don't think they're perfect, I'm not a stan, but Sir Keith's "changed" Labour Party has obvious contempt and loathing for people like me so ... fine? We'll go our separate ways, then.) Much to my surprise, they came second in my constituency, which I genuinely hadn't expected. Apparently my vote was less wasted than usual, it would seem. And the Greens' growth happened in spite of them being resolutely ignored by the entire print and broadcast media, so apparently they don't need the media to keep making progress. It is possible that their growth could continue, and maybe another election-cycle might give us back a semi-worthwhile left-of-center opposition party ... but here I am committing the Sin of Optimism, aren't I?

Also, well, lots and lots of Tories are miserable today. Grant Shapps has had a case of the slaps, Rees-Mogg has been time-warped back to the 18th Century (honestly he'll probably be happier there, it's for the best for everyone) and Liz Truss got yeeted feet-first into the Sun. (Sorry, Sol.)

Also a lot of bootlicking newspaper opinion columnists are having a proper meltdown today, and that is genuinely funny. They certainly deserve no sympathy.

So yeah, the overall picture is a) good riddance to Sunak, b) fuck the Tories and c) oh dear goodness, it's somehow all still a mess.

[tradmidwestman]

How Catholicism is warped.

Let's have a discussion about this. I'm open to having my mind changed, but I'd like to explain some reasons I'm not Catholic and refuse to be. And I'll use the Bible directly in my arguments as to why. Feel free to let me know if I'm wrong about Catholicism and what I get wrong.

And yeah, there's small stuff. Like the Bible says not to call a priest "Father" (Matthew 23:9), which Catholicism calls for. But let's get into the more meaningful issues.

Salvation by sacraments and good works.

As I understand it, Catholics believe good works are your way to buy into heaven. As long as you do enough good deeds, then you're all set. However in the Bible, Ephesians 2:8-9, clearly states that it is by grace and faith that you are saved, not good deeds. This is also where the idea that you can be absolved of your sins at your deathbed comes from, which is not at all Biblical.

Praying the rosary.

The idea of using some object to pray to or use as a sort of focus in seeking to be forgiven is nowhere in the Bible. In fact there's quite a bit of talk about idols, but I'll get to that. Counting the rosary is a very foreign concept to the Bible, but is a basic practice in Catholicism. Instead Acts 16:31 tells us to believe in Jesus to be saved.

Praying to/worshipping Mary.

Arguably the most obvious of idols. Mary was certainly a wonderful woman to be praised, but she is not a figure to be worshipped. She was a normal human woman. I understand some also consider the mention of her being "full of grace" or similar to mean she was sinless. Hopefully I don't need to quote the Bible about Jesus being sinless, but he was the ONLY human to be sinless. As 1 John 1:8 points out. This would include Mary, and to claim she was sinless is outright ignoring the Bible's teachings.

Transubstantiation.

Catholics believe that the eucharist is the literal blood and flesh of Jesus. Ignoring that this was only started in the 13th century, it already feels pretty outlandish to imagine wine and bread being turned into blood and flesh (nevermind the many ethical issues that brings up, especially cannibalism). The Bible is clear that the bread and wine are SYMBOLS to remember Jesus by. I strongly urge reading Luke 22 and focus on it. 22:19, saying the bread is in remembrance of Jesus. And 22:18 where he states he will not drink from this fruit of the vine again. He's saying it's still literally bread and wine. Jesus also said he is the door, the lamb, the way, the light, and other things. No one believes that he was literally any of these things. And yet the wine and bread are supposed to literally be his blood and flesh?

Catholicism has a history of refusing the Bible.

I hope I don't need to dive into much history to point this out, but there's few things that would make Catholics want to kill than someone who actually read and followed the bible. Is it any surprise that Martin Luther's 95 Theses came only a few decades after the Gutenberg Bible? Before that, Catholicism treated those who branches off to follow the Bible as worse than Muslims. We could talk extensively about the political corruption of the church since it ever began (but then we get "The Catholic Church is the original church," as if every other Christian branch can't claim the same, much less act like that carries any value is noting the constant warping and shifting the Catholic church has gone through over the centuries including today). Even today the Catholic church is very clear that it's okay to read the Bible if you really want, but you're strictly forbidden to take any interpretation that the church doesn't itself offer. Similarly catholicism pushes tradition (which is consistently inconsistent) instead of God's word. Which 1 Peter 1:18 is clear that Jesus paid your ransom with his blood, not the tradition of your forefathers. And especially in the case of Catholicism, following many pagan practices.

Mass

I'd argue this is one of the most blasphemous acts that Catholics perform. Turning Jesus' death itself into an idol. The idea of Mass is that Jesus is sacrificed again on the cross for our sins every mass. Clearly Jesus' actual death wasn't good enough as far as Catholics are concerned. Even when Jesus said "it is finished" (John 19:30). There really is nothing more to be said or done. Jesus does not need to be killed again every weekend, yet Catholics seek it. Hebrews 10:18 also says that it is no longer necessary to sacrifice for our sins. So why is Mass still performed against the Bible's word?

Purgatory

Purgatory is a core belief in Catholicism. It doesn't exist at all in the Bible. Clearly a great fear tactic of the Church to get more money as part of earning karma points, buying your way into heaven. Purgatory is another pagan belief, like the Greek myths of Sisyphus or the lack of toll in crossing the river Stix.

The Pope

I'm all for having leaders in the faith and having one man to lead the faith. I'm not for a man acting as if God speaks to or through him, like a prophet. Or that he is infallible. Or that a pope is even Biblical (I hope I don't have to explain that Peter was NOT a pope). The practice of the Pope is, at best, very warped. And at worst a pagan practice that Catholics happily follow. The Popes throughout history have contradicted and condemned each other. Something that wouldn't happen if they were all acting in God's place or, at least, a messenger of God.

I can go on, but this also already very long. So feel free to point out where I'm wrong and your concerns. I'd like to understand how Catholics handle all these issues.

[bloody-wonder]

heyyy okay so I just saw a post where people basically called the fandom out for ignoring the fact that Andrew is “abusive as fuck” to the other monsters while still bashing seth and aaron for their homophobia and I just uhhh- I would really like to hear your thoughts on this pls? Cus while I can definitely see how andrews relationship with them is not at all normal or healthy in many ways, I don’t really feel like abusive is the right word for it, is that just me?

firstly, while we’re on this topic i’d like to say a couple of words about the aaron discourse that seems to be back in fashion.

in fandoms we have this interesting desire to rank *problematic* behaviors in order of their graveness and then act as if this ranking is objective for all people everywhere. this is where the “you hate aaron bc he’s homophobic? well your fave actually killed a person so“ argument comes from. while there’s logic to the idea that being murdered is worse than being called a slur, for people who experience homophobia irl on a daily basis a fictional murder will never be as upsetting as fictional homophobia. conversely, other fans who don’t fall into this category but might relate to aaron for different reasons (bc he happens to be a well-rounded character) are confused by how he’s branded as the worst while the other foxes (especially the monsters) are right there and feel the need to make the fandom appreciate him more by writing that kind of posts comparing his flaws and shortcomings to those of the other foxes according to the questionable but binding ranking of all sins. and round and round the discourse goes bc the latter party can’t imagine how for many people homophobia can take the highest rank of Problématique despite being “not as bad as murder” or whatever.

if you’re able-bodied and able-minded it’s likely that all the ableism in aftg went over your head. if you’re not queer and haven’t experienced homophobia it might be easier for you to look past it in aaron’s case and be able to appreciate him as a character despite it. if “asexual spectrum” and “amatonormativity” are terms you don’t give much thought to in your day-to-day life, you probably see nicky in a completely different light than i do. all of these things are objectively wrong but if one is worse than the other is completely subjective for each individual. there will always be people who like aaron and those who dislike him and i’m afraid no amount of discourse will drastically change their opinions.

returning to your question, a lot can be said about andrew and all the bad things he does. a lot has been said. if you’re after some good andrew bashing i feel like there are quite a few blogs out there who can provide. even in our corner of the fandom where we worship and idolize andrew joseph minyard we still discuss his flaws from time to time. the only reason we haven’t done that recently is bc according to our latest decree “andrew hasn’t done anything wrong ever and we love him and in fact he deserves more opportunities to stab people”. so the argument that andrew’s problematic behaviors don’t get discussed enough doesn’t seem true to me. but it’s not really about that, is it? it’s about not enough people liking aaron and seth and too many people liking andrew - according to op. whereas his crimes are higher (or at least as high) in the ranking of crimes - according to op. but here’s the thing - like i said all of this is very subjective, some people just like andrew despite everything and will never like aaron no matter how strong your argument in his favor is. they’re not politicians in an election campaign, they’re imaginary people who we get attached to bc they make us feel better about ourselves. but if they were politicians and the election was held on tumblr andrew would win in a landslide just bc the voters are mostly queer and andrew’s gay and aaron’s homophobic. that’s how it works.

and finally as for the word “abusive”, before i used to get mad at how people use it all too often and dilute its meaning but nowadays i’m just wondering if this is just simple etymological evolution: at first “abusive” was used to designate only the gravest kinds of mistreatment, but then people became aware of its rhetorical effect and now this word seems to mean “acts i personally find unacceptable” - which can range from more to less harmful. for the sake of intelligible discussions it would be helpful to use different words for different acts in that range, but you can’t really generate enough engagement with words like “annoying”, “offensive” or “harmful” and many users don’t really pursue intelligible discussion anyway. i personally like the word “problematic” which suits me well bc it requires futher explanation of why you perceive something as a problem and it doesn’t have the indicator of its graveness built in. however, i can also see how bc it’s been overused in the past to the point where it itself became a meme, some people can’t take it seriously anymore. “problematic” sounds like a joke so people have to call things “abusive” to be taken seriously. “abusive” is the new “problematic”. this is something i perceive as well so i often try to distance myself from the word by writing it in funny ways but i still use it bc i know no better umbrella term for things that i consider “not good” but wouldn’t go as far as to call them “abusive”.

that being said, what exactly you designate as *problematic* matters as well. for example, i would call some of andrew’s behaviors problematic bc, you know, they are a problem, but i wouldn’t call his relationship with the monsters problematic. strained, difficult, lacking communication, even “not a friendship” if you wish, but no, not problematic and certainly not abusive.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Alignment

Figuring out where on the spectrum of beliefs, morals, and neutrality your character falls can be a challenge. One individual’s Chaotic Good is another’s Lawful Evil. To help clarify things, most campaigns include alignment for significant NPCs, and one can often draw a line between that NPC and that alignment. This doesn’t apply to every NPC, but the more important someone is, the more they come to represent a specific section of the moral grid in a campaign.

Ravnica does this as well, with most of the alignment chart represented by a Guildmaster. This isn’t completely uniform, however, so there’s wiggle room for an NPC to lean one way or the other as fits the story. There are some pretty safe bets, however, who can be counted on to check certain boxes at all times.

Isperia of the Azorius Senate: Lawful Neutral

Isperia represents the goal of the Azorius; objective devotion to upholding the laws as they are written. She was elected to her position because of her ability to look passed right & wrong, instead focusing solely on interpreting Ravnica’s 10d6 of Psychic damage legal system for all disputes.

Lazav of House Dimir: Neutral Evil

Lazav is the Dimir at their most annoying but least murderous. Blatant disregard for everyone’s privacy, but preference for stealing, secrets, and information over assassination. Lazav infiltrates every Guild, including his own, always determined to stay several steps ahead of any potential threat. This is not to say he won’t kill people if necessary, but his is a cold, “bloodstained calculus” methodology. It’s never personal.

Rakdos of the Cult of Rakdos: Chaotic Evil

On this plane, Rakdos is the living embodiment of Chaotic Evil, a title he takes very seriously. It’s just about the only thing he takes seriously, as he prefers to live without rules and have everyone else do the same. Unrestrained hedonism and mayhem are his bread & butter. You do what you want, whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want, regardless of what anyone or anything else says. No restrictions, no inhibitions, no hesitation. Encouraging this kind of destructive chaos in the streets is the only thing keeping Rakdos from embracing more orthodox Chaotic Evil behavior of slaughtering millions, enslaving thousands, and bowing to no one.

The Obzedat of the Orzhov Syndicate: Lawful Evil

Hard to believe there can be something worse than an actual Demon given permission to encourage every sin imaginable, but that is what the Ghost Council are. The Obzedat exist to stretch, bend, and twist every law designed to maintain order, neutrality, or justice so as to benefit themselves. What’s worse is how the Orzhov play innocent when they do it. Unlike the Dimir or the Rakdos who accept and even embrace society’s interpretation of their actions, the Orzhov refuse to be seen as anything but humble, spiritual, gracious public servants. The very antithesis of what they actually are; arrogant, miserly, manipulative bastards. They will point out exactly which laws they are not breaking, which laws there is insufficient evidence to prove they are breaking, and which laws prevent you from punching them in the face right now.

Trostani of the Selesnya Conclave: Neutral Good

If there’s one thing to be said for Selesnya, it’s that they are rarely the problem. The Conclave is perfectly content to keep to their fields & forests most of the time and focus solely on building up their own Guild. In a city where every Guild has a problem with every other Guild, Selesnya is the only one who at least tries to get along with everyone else. They don’t tend to get involved in matters that don’t concern them, but theirs is always a safe haven for those who seek it. Trostani is made up of three dryads representing Harmony, Life, and Order. You don’t get much more Neutral Good than that. The only problem is that Trostani basically never leave their Guildhall, so their influence only spreads so far. The reason they can live so peacefully is because so little of the chaotic city life overlaps into theirs.

Besides them, everyone has wiggle room and gray area to move around in. Both Niv-Mizzet and Borborygmos are canonically Chaotic Neutral, but with their most prominent personality traits being vanity & anger, respectively, the “Neutral” part of that can go out the window quick. Still, almost every Guild has at least a semblance of a position somewhere on the chart to start from. You can basically count on a member of each Guild to be at least:

Azorius Senate: Lawful

This is the Guild that writes the laws of Ravnica, after all. They literally draw their power from this ancient legal code, so it makes sense that, whether an Azorius leans more towards Good, Evil, or Neutrality, they do so lawfully.

Boros Legion: Good

If the Azorius follow the intellectual letter of the law, the Boros follow the passionate spirit for which said law was originally written. Justice, not legal-ese. Sometimes the law is good enough, but sometimes it fails its citizens. A Boros should be an inspiring force for Good, whether Lawful or Chaotic depends on the individual.

House Dimir: Neutral

The best a Dimir operative can hope to achieve, morally speaking, is neutrality. If you are working for this Guild, you are lying & stealing. Odds are you are infiltrating another Guild to find/steal information to report back to your superior(s). Not every Dimir agent does this willingly, however. Maybe a character only became a Dimir operative after finding out their mentor was. Maybe a character had nowhere else to turn and no one else to depend on. Maybe they just needed House Dimir’s connections to get them close enough to someone in another Guild who wronged them. Whatever the motivation, cling to that gray area of neutrality like your life depends on it. It’s all you’ve got.

Gruul Clans: Chaotic

Gruul are many things. “Lawful” is not one of them. If you’re a member of a Gruul Clan, you’ve definitely got a bit of a temper on you and a strong disregard for authority. Now, a Gruul can absolutely be a force for good, or, conversely, evil. Maybe you joined the Gruul after your ancestral home was bulldozed over for a smelly Izzet facility. Maybe you had a mental breakdown after decades of trying to uphold law in a city where the laws mean jack shit unless there’s a guy in blue sitting at his desk. Maybe you got tired of planting trees and getting stepped on. Maybe you don’t like the pretentiousness of so-called “artists”. Maybe you just like hitting things. Whatever your reason, the Gruul will welcome another anarchist.

Golgari Swarm: Chaotic/Evil/Neutral

The Golgari Swarm are the first Guild where you’re really going to find a lot of diversity in alignment. Some definitely fall into the chasm of Chaotic Evil Necromancers, others stand firmly in the fields of True Neutral Rot Farmer, and some idly wander between the two. Necromancy is pretty normal in Golgari society, and “Evil” can be considered a harsh word to describe it. It’s definitely more normalized in the Undercity than it is on the surface. A lot of typically Evil behavior is like that for the Golgari, lest we forget that this society of giant bugs, necromancers, zombies, medusa, etc also run the sewage system and food stamps program for the city. That said, there are definitely Golgari with sufficient ambition/motivation to become ready-made Big Bads. What is a Lich, after all, but a wizard who says, “No, I’m too important to die!”

Izzet League: Chaotic

If there’s one predictable aspect of the Izzet, it’s that they are unpredictable. For a Guild whose founding principle is “I wonder what would happen if....”, it’s best to accept that you’ll never be Lawful. Your job, as it is, is to look at laws (nature, physics, etc) and poke at them with electrodes to see what happens. Your focus will always be on things that haven’t been written down yet, as opposed to what already has. It’s almost literally impossible to be Lawful and Izzet for that reason alone. As far as Good, Evil, and Neutral go; that’s up to the individual. This experiment could replicate food so we never have to eat Golgari rations again! Or it could replicate essential personnel to prevent understaffing! Or, it could even replicate.... ME (cue maniacal laughter).

Orzhov Syndicate: Lawful

The Orzhov, like the Azorius, draw their power and influence from the laws of Ravnica. Evil is expected, though not mandatory, but Lawful is a requirement. An Orzhov who doesn’t know their way around Ravnica’s laws is a loose end, and the Orzhov don’t allow loose ends to jeopardize their schemes & ambitions. One can absolutely be a Lawful Neutral Orzhov, also known as an Accountant, but such individuals rarely find their way into a life of adventure. A Lawful Good Orzhov can exist, but your greatest adversary will be the large majority of your Guild who sees you as a potential threat to their illicit activities. In which case, you’ll want to know those laws even better than they do.

Cult of Rakdos: Chaotic

Chaos is mandatory, evil is encouraged. By “Evil”, we mean “things people tell you are Evil”. Anything you would do while drunk you should be able to do at all times! There’s really only three rules in the Cult of Rakdos:

Rule #1, Rakdos is #1

Rule #2, JUST DO IT

Rule #3, Don’t be boring

Being Neutral breaks Rule 3, being Good breaks Rule 2 and/or 3, and being Lawful breaks all 3 rules. Which reminds me of the fourth rule:

Rule #4, NEVER break Rule #1

Truthfully, being Chaotic Good or Chaotic Neutral is perfectly fine as long as you don’t impede on someone else’s hedonism without a reason, or lack thereof. As long as you’re being free & crazy, that’s what really matters.

Selesnya Conclave: Good

As stated with Trostani, Selesnya is a pretty consistent force of Good, if nothing else. They don’t really do hate, you know? Life in the Conclave is pretty uniformly Good, so why make trouble? Why can’t everyone just be Good? In short; ‘cause they don’t wanna, none of your business, go hug a tree, and/or because fire is FUN. Lawful fits some individuals but can just get in the way for others. Neutral is pretty solid but some things must call you to act. Chaotic is if you really want to embrace being a Nature Warrior in a planet-sized cityscape. Selesnya is the Guild for goodie two-shoes, as if that’s a bad thing.

Simic Combine: Any

The Simic Combine is the one Guild that can honestly fall anywhere on the alignment chart. The Guild started out as Doctors, Naturalists, and preservers of life. Now it also operates large-scale bioengineering. You can have a Lawful Good Simic Paladin committed to preserving life and health, a True Neutral Simic Forcemage (Druid) dedicated to living a simple life bolstering plant growth, or a Chaotic Evil Simic Wizard who has decided on everyone’s behalf that flippers and gills are now mandatory. Just like science can be used for great Good, great Evil, or mundane routine, the Simic Combine can turn its experiments to any purpose, depending on the individual. And whereas the Izzet are firmly Chaotic, the Simic have the foresight to think ahead before they try an experiment. You can be anything you want in the Simic Combine, just plan it out.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

You want me elaborate on my little idea? Ok. I have to go on a 2h road trip for a regional meeting today, so I got the time. I don't know how long this will get but let's go.

Starting with a base

- Demonic ranks/hierarchy in christian mythology follow a sistem very close to what we see in monarchies anyways so that part is easy to understand. We got Kings, Princes, a bunch of other high but not so high ranks (Duke, Marquis, etc.). Than we go a little lower on the ranks and there's a entire Senate, a Chancellor, Presidents... Than we have minor demons and minions which are the demmons that constitute the legions the higher rank ones command (much of the status of a demon correlate to how many legions they command), also the ones that most commonly interact with humans - succubus and incubus are in this category.

- I don't have to explain how the food chain woks right? You know... stronger animal nomnoms weaker animal, developed tools of survival, territorial control, blah blah blah

- why are hybrids in this version of the current times? (I am actually giving a origin story for hybrids?? wtf). Remember how things were during the first industrial revolution? Yeah, that's right. Medicine was still a brutally experimental baby, toxic materials that looked cool were everywhere cause we didn't know they were bad (think radium girls, cough syrup with cocaine, wallpapers with arsenic, insulation with asbestos, etc), air was rancid with much pollution, mass hunting and deforestation... but instead of all that making our bones melt and lungs collapse, we instead slowly mutated, acquiring traits typical of other species that render then more resistant to certain things. What type of hybrid mutation your family develops depends of what challenges their location presented when it all started.

- why do the demons have animal characteristics too then? well, in most texts demons are described as taking a human-like form. They take on our image to seem more attractive or tempting to humans - especially minor demons whose sole purpose is to interfere directly with humans. Once humans became hybrids, demons adapted to new look too.

- humans and demons coexist like it's normal, why? Again, first industrial revolution - no human rights, no minimum wage or minimal work hours, not much done to protect human or children as more than some man property, experimentantion on humans galore, colonialism is still a thing as well as slavery in many parts of the world, and the list of human awfulness still goes on. Let's just imagine things kept getting even worse for a while to the point where there was no point for the literal embodiments of awfulness to hide themselves in the shadows, and so they went from being perceived as ominous omens of bad influence, to clear as day physical presences that go around undisturbed. With time however humanity got their shit together and started doing some advancements in trying to make the a relatively more decent place to live, but there was no turn back anymore for the demons - they were here to stay. And that's the main reason humans now look down on demons - their presence is a marker, a scar, that keeps reminding humans of how they were at their worst, a reminder of how much damage we can do and the shame we feel towards it.

Now let's get to the actual story lol

During Beomgyu’s lifetime the roots of his sins were related to his all-consuming love, his uncontrollable desire for an object of obsession and adoration. His most heinous acts of insanity boiled up from his blind devotion to what he considered love and overflowed into a level of chaos that would bring him to commit sins of the highest level, including the worst of all: patricide. After he dies, there's no other way... for the severity of his sins his soul is too tainted to be grace with another chance at human life and salvation, he is to be turned into a demon. Because he abused of power in his life, he is to be devoid of much of it and become a minor demon. Because of the nature at the core of his sins, he is bound to become a incubus - bound to go around for all eternity obligated to seduce whoever and hunt for any sort of sexual pleasure to feed of and stay alive.

But when one is turned into a demon, they don't forget their human or angelical memories. There are religious texts that depict demons reminiscing their times in heaven and wanting to comeback - their personalities and feelings stay roughly unchanged. Beomgyu never forgot oc, he never stopped loving her. He couldn't. His whole soul was consumed by it, wasn't it? But on his first few centuries as a demon he was so desolated for losing her again, believing that because of his new condition he would never be able to find her again. In his mind his beloved oc could only have become an angel, right? So more than hopeless, the one thing that stopped him from even trying to find her for a while is that he kept contemplating "what will she think of me if she sees me like this? I am no more than a filthy lowly demon... what if she finds me disgusting? what if she hates my appearance?". Beomgyu would actually hide himself in rejection of his new reality, only ever going out to feed when nearly dying of hunger to do what gotta be done, and everytime he has to touch a body that is not that of his beloved oc he feels more and more disgusted by himself and eternal punishment heaves a little more on him.

That is until the big communion of the words began (the demons showing up on full to humans thingy). Around that time beomgyu decided to become a courtier - if he can't be a royal no more than he is going to at least surround himself with royalty and other powerful people and gets his fix all in once (yes, he is living the royal hoe life he tried to trick oc into in the original story). And he stays like that for a while. Being sorrownded by luxury again and adored by people of status help him shake away part of shame he feels on himself. And so with renewed attitude and ever growing lovesickness - every day away from oc still feels like a stab to the heart - he decides to finally start looking for her. Since his food sources travel a lot, he began tagging along in those trips as an excuse to travel the world to look out for her anywhere.

He does find her once. But this reincarnation of oc was just a teenage girl being raised by a very religious secluded family, and when they saw her talking to a demon they freaked out and decided to sacrifice her body to save her soul - the very next day beomgyu heard that a girl had been found in the middle of the forest with her body laid on the floor covered in white linen and her head decorated with flowers hanging from a cross right above the body. He has lost his beloved oc again. But at least now he knows she is still human, so he would keep looking for her again. Just next time he would do everything he can to hide his demonic nature from those around her so that the same thing doesn't happen again.

How oc and beomgyu meet again now? How does he befriend her? What has this version of oc life is like? How does she look like? Well... those I will leave up to you and your creativity to have fun with (and yes, your pre-existing writing of bear!hybrid beomgyu can enter here).

Is that enough development for you?? 🤣🤣 Don't ask me how I came up with this whole thing, I just poured itself out of my brain like a acid trip. I don't even know if it's understandable lol. I definitely went a little of the rails a few times but I trust your brain capacity to make sense of it (you are better than me, I know it! ♡).

Honestly it feels more like a messy prolog than a summary but you get it, right?

~♡anon

oh dear lord i asked and you delivered 😭😭😭😭 this is more extensive world building than all of my stories combined 😭 you have a GIFT

i really love how deep your knowledge on demonology goes. i grew up muslim and we didn't really have that kind of thing, not to that level at least, so this is so fascinating

for the hybrids i would've gone with immoral experimenting ala the german and japanese experiment but what i like about your idea is that it allows for a real hierarchal system to develop. like the lower class will have needed to develop beasts of burden type of mutation while the rich and aspiring rich would've taken on ruthless predatory characteristics. and even though times have gotten better, you can still tell what someone's family background is from the type of hybrid they are and that allows for discrimination. maybe oc's family is from a line of prostitutes and so they took on the bunny characteristics to always be ready to be fucked and bred and so gyu takes on the bear characteristics to protect her (even though he himself is a sex demon lol)

i also really love all the backstory you did for gyu's life as a demon i'm literally in awe 😭 i also wonder how i might integrate his disgust and shame at his new form in the story and his relationship with oc. ahhhhh so good. did you ever think of writing babe? or perhaps you already do write?

anyway i unfortunately have a few hangups.

1) this plot line doesn't allow hybridization (get it) with the demon gyu plot i already have in mind. i'll think about it more but i think they can't mesh so if i do it, it would have to be two versions of yamqn sequels or just cut off this version or the other entirely from yamqn and provide one of them with another lost lover backstory. for my version i was originally planning to have gyu and the oc both having been demons or cruel people of some sort and that they're both being punished this way by the creator so i could stick to that

2) while you've provided extensive explanations for both the hybrid and demon involvement I feel like this is just too complicated to exist in one story. it might be too much to keep track of and one of them would've been sufficient for the plot

3) i still can't come up with the actual plot part of it 😂 you had too much faith in me because all the question you left up to me i have no answer for 😂 i need the first letter and then i'll try to complete the rest 😂 the only lead i have is like i said oc being a bunny hybrid and gyu protects her and then she goes into heat and has locked herself up but gyu (being an incubus) is summoned by her desire and he tricks her into letting him fuck her. but then i don't know where to take it from here as that was only a oneshot idea and i don't want to waste this whole backstory you've created.

ahhhh i'm going crazy over here and my mind can't begin to make sense of it all. i'm not smart enough 😂 someone care to help?

[iheartbookbran]

Anthony, Penelope, Marina and Colin deserved better...

Beware, rant ahead

Ok I wish I didn’t feel such strong need to continue beating this dead horse but oopsie, I will very much be beating it some more.

Like, my fave books of the Bridgerton series are Anthony’s and Colin’s books, so I’m seething about what they did with their characterizations, Anthony and Penelope in particular, because Colin’s only real sin was being boring, and if you remember how funny he’s in the books it makes me wanna fall on my knees and ask Chris Van Dusen whyyyy omg why would you do something like that to such a dynamic character. So yeah, Colin is boring af and a moron but at least he isn’t an asshole the way show Anthony and Penelope are, and I’ve seen people say that they can always be redeemed in future seasons, if we get them, but that’s exactly my problem, because they never had to be redeemed in the books, to begin with. Penelope more so than Anthony but let me begin by defending my boy.

Is he a jerk sometimes? Sure. Is he actively awful and uncaring towards those close to him, especially his family? Hell no, quite the opposite, in fact. Not to be controversial on main but in the books... he was right in not wanting Daphne to be courted by a man who he knew damn right had no intention of marrying her and as far as he was aware was only making her waste her time, and he was right in demanding Simon pay for compromising her honor. Could he have been more mindful of what Daphne had to say and listened to her wishes? Of course, but considering Simon and Daphne (both in the show and in the books) aren’t exactly masters in communication themselves, Anthony doesn’t come off as the biggest offender in that situation.

What he never did was force Daphne, or any of his sisters really, to do anything; if they didn’t like a guy then that guy was out of their lives no question asked, and he loved them enough to always have their best interests at heart, for his sisters and his brothers, to the point that even though he’s traumatized and thinks he’s gonna die young he’s still willing to get past that to do his duty and marry, because he doesn’t want to pass that burden on to his little brothers (so him deciding to leave all his responsibilities to Benedict so he can fck off with his mistress is... like, a choice lmao). In fact all the subplot with Siena felt like a choice on the writers part, like they truly liked Benedict and Sophie’s story so they just slapped it on Anthony so he could act all sad and sexy while they gave us foreshadowing with the subtlety of a warharmer that he’s ending up with Kate anyways (and that Benedict is ending with Sophie anyways too, so they would be using that storyline twice, unless they do make him bi and fall in love with a man, but maybe that’s too much of ask for this show), so what was Siena’s purpose in the story? Who tf knows not me.

Now Penelope, my god. Yes I know I joke Penny has never done anything wrong in her life, and I still love her, but she was wrong. Very much so. What she did was significantly worse than what Marina did, which I still don’t condone at all. Like yes, I still maintain that Marina tricking Colin into marriage was wrong (and I’ll go later on why that whole subplot was racist af), but what Penelope did could have not only ruined Marina and herself and her sisters reputations, but it was basically condemning an innocent unborn child to a life in the streets, that’s messed up. Even if Marina was rose-coloring her potential life with Colin and he might have grown to resent her, at least the baby would’ve been alright. And my problem with that whole subplot is that all of it was resolved so neatly, with Sir Phillip sweeping in to save the day so we don’t have to actually see what Penelope’s actions could have caused, but the implications are still very much there.

And I’m cracking my mind trying to figure out whether the showrunners just... really hate Colin’s book and Penelope as a character so they’re trying to inflict some kind of character assassination on her so they can get away with writing him off with another person without causing much outrage, or if they just thought there wasn’t enough ~drama~ or stakes on their book so they have to add them, and give him some kind of bullshit tragic romantic past to explain why he doesn’t want to marry, whereas in the books, the reason he doesn’t marry anyone is because he doesn’t feel like it, and that’s ok, there’s no need for every character to have a tragic backstory and to be riddled with angst; Colin is that character, he’s an easy going guy who’s just not interested in marriage until he falls in love with Penny AND THAT’S VALID, just because he doesn’t have the most complex motivations out there doesn’t mean he isn’t a compelling character. The stakes in his story after he discovers Penny is Whistledown are, as he points out, that she has insulted so many people there’s no way some of them wouldn’t want to retaliate if word came out, and he cares for her and doesn’t want her to get hurt (there’s also a dumb part about him being secretly jealous of her accomplishments as Whistledown, but thankfully he gets over that pretty quickly).

But while I am on that, it is true that Penelope wrote some uncharitable things about the mean people around her, but she never ever ruined someone’s reputation, let alone endanger the future of a child. Was she a bitch sometimes? Yeah, but she was also kind to a lot of people and her criticism was never unwarranted and never did more damage than maybe annoy a couple of girls like Cressida. I just hate the idea of this needing to turn into some sort of ~redemption arc~ for Penelope because, again, in the books she really didn’t have to make up for anything, definitely not to Colin, who was actually the one who had to do much of the heavy lifting in their relationship when he realized that he literally slept on her for years.

And now regarding Marina, like yes, she was wrong and I stand by that statement (but not as wrong as Penelope), but tbh I find it hard to be mad at her when they gave her such a racist storyline, as the scheming woc who gets pregnant out of wedlock and then tries to seduce the innocent white man, until the virtuous white girl needs to step up to save him. At least that’s what I thought initially as the writers intention, but honestly I’m not so sure anymore, I doubt they will continue to write her and Colin as a couple otherwise they would’ve bothered to show them interacting outside of her manipulating him and him acting like a bumbling idiot, the most sincere moment they had together was when he comforted her about the lie, but by that time this bitch (me) was empty and didn’t give a shit anymore. Literally all their other interactions where shown through Penelope’s POV to let us know she was sad, and Colin’s most significant scenes where again... with Penelope (because it isn’t as if he has a family and his own moments in the books outside of being an object for Penelope to pine after).

And as I said before, Marina had a—relatively—happy ending: married to a man she doesn’t love (just as she didn’t love Colin) but who will treat her right and care for her and her child in comfort. Is arguably a better ending than if she’d married Colin because now she doesn’t have to go through the trouble of explaining things to her new husband and run the risk of him resenting her forever. Phillip may not love her but he knows who he’s marrying and why he’s marrying her. That’s literally the same fate Marina had in the books, and it makes me wonder why, oh why would the writers do that.

Why create such a contrived plot to give a character who appears in one(1) chapter of an 8 books series then promptly dies, all at the expense of the characterization of one of the most beloved heroines of said books series? Why would you write this racist storyline for a character whose fate is dying? And now I’m horrified at the repercussions that can come with Marina committing su*cide like in canon, because the implications would be that Penelope would be responsible for it (and I hate the idea of blaming one person for the su*cide of another, fictional or otherwise, is harmful and we need to be careful with making such implications), which would make her even less redeemable or like, likable in general. Not to mention that would be like putting the final racist nail in Marina’s coffin by giving her that ending.

It makes me wonder, seriously, if Chris Van Dusen hated Romancing Mister Bridgerton that much, if he loathed the idea of writing a fat character finding love and getting sex that much. I just wanna know why lmfao.

[whatsyourcolor]

Dragnet - Chapter 9 - Kingdom of Thieves.

Read on Ao3

Thank you to those of you that are still reading Dragnet! In previous chapters Kogami and Akane conducted a mission that resulted in technology malfunctioning, suspicions arising and Akane almost getting killed. Kogami broke up their short-lived (or so he thinks) association for reasons and emotions still confusing to him. Here’s Chapter 9:

KINGDOM OF THIEVES

Pliable, suspiciously warm, the sofa's leather cushions in the analysis lab sank underneath Kogami's weight, comfort suffusing his tense limbs like an anxiolytic. Undoubtedly, Kunizuka had made a routine pitstop here prior to heading to the interrogation room with Ginoza for another round of fruitless grilling. Which would explain the mellow, secret melody Shion was humming as she typed away on her keyboard. At least someone in Division 1 was having fun. Banished from the interrogation room and having severed the only connection he had to that other world, lulls of silent anticipation such as this had become nearly intolerable for him because, like a stray dog, his mind would go—insistently, shamelessly—back to her.

If only his ruminations had been centered in the pragmatic aspects of their relationship (what was her exact link to the syndicates? When did it start? And why?), he could have forgiven himself more easily. But it was the way his name sprung from her direct mouth, and how it meant she was not cross with him (as opposed to Inspector), and that furrowed brow each time she sermonized about things not unlike those he’d spend hours perusing in books—things he had strictly forbidden himself to linger on; things he’d never dream to speak about out loud. It was her scrutiny, never sub rosa. Not when she looked at him with unabashed eyes, not searching for a weakness or a fault—he suspected—but for something like a virtue, something that would warrant their unlikely partnership in her eyes.

So what did it mean for him to be sitting here while she was still out there, meandering in the dark? Stubbornly continuing this, insisting on this, and she would lose more than her hue. Kogami palmed the cellphone inside his pocket and then thought better of it because—what right did he have to care? To ask anything from her? Who was he in her life but an accident of chance? Or, perhaps, had his threats managed to compel her, and had she gone back to an ordinary life where she didn’t want to change the world? No, he thought sullenly. Even I know that about you. But it’s not like you’re alone either, is it, Tsunemori? Not that it makes you any safer.

On a large screen, a corner-side vantage of the dark interrogation room. Light spilled from a lamp above onto a table as a cuffed man swaggered in like a circus bear that's figured out the master's whip is made of hay. A braggart's smirk splashed across his face as he flumped on a chair. Kogami perched his elbows on his legs, interlaced hands under his nose to summon all his objective focus on the screen, but all he could think about was how much he'd love to pummel that sneer off again.

"A different species of inspector today," proclaimed the Arumajiro man, all affected bravado to Gino's bespectacled, sober professionalism. Still bearing the marks Tsunemori had gouged on his tattooed skin, he slammed his arms on the table, presumably to stir a wince from Ginoza, who only blinked with imperturbable disdain. "And you even brought a woman to protect you. That a habit of Sibyl's dogs?"

"The type of technology found in the interior of the truck you and your comrades were riding on is not something that can be built with metal scraps scavenged from Ougishima,” Gino said with no inflection in his voice. "Who is funding your association?"

The man acknowledged the question with a caustic snort for answer, a sort of growl. His eyes slithering over the less illuminated corners of the room—methodically, as if searching for something.

“He’s watching, ain’t he?” he eventually muttered. “He wouldn’t miss this.”

"You'll have enough time to look at walls when you go to the isolation facility. No need to strain your eyes so hard on these,” Gino spat back. “Answer the question. Your syndicate knew about the crackdowns by the MWPSB. How did you acquire a signal jammer? Who programmed it?"

"Inspectors in the blocks," the man began in a low voice. "You lot stick out like a pack of wild hens running around with your dominators. Of course, everyone always knows when you're there, with your holos and your drones. You’re not exactly low-key, you know? The eyes of Sibyl might see us only when they want to, but we’re always watching.”

"And so your syndicate figured they'd try to go undetected and invest on an illegal piece of technology impossible to acquire within the abolition blocks.”

"Impossible,” the man echoed as if mulling the meaning of the word. As if, Kogami thought, what a Sibyl detective would deem impossible, even preposterous in his world, was something that acquired a different value where he came from. A perverse grimace spread on the man’s face, a sort of smiling frown full of certitude. "Nothing is impossible in the abolition blocks. Not anymore.”

“Not exactly a charmer when he finally decides to talk, is he?” Shion drawled with a slow plume of smoke, her profile silhouetted by blue light in the haze. “What could he possibly mean?”

"At least he's taunting us now,” Kogami murmured dryly. “But I don’t perceive urgency in his behavior. No negotiation or surrender. If he’s decided to talk it must be for more than dull temporizing, though I don’t think his objective is to necessarily give us what we want.”

“Hmm. Who knows.” Shion gave an affected gasp. “Could it be he likes Ginoza better?”

Kogami chuckled softly, and Shion smiled, proud of herself. He figured he probably had been looking as dismal as he felt.

“Definitely,” he acknowledged with a cool sigh, lifting himself up from the softness of the sofa, and starting to hanker for a smoke. He shoved the flaps of his navy windbreaker aside and thrust his hands in the pockets of his pants. “Gino can be a darling when he wants to. But I should head over there now. Might as well put some pressure now he’s talking.”

“I thought Ginoza said—”

“I know. I know he instructed all of you to keep me at bay. But this case might be bigger than we think and I can’t just wait idly by.”

Shion exhaled coolly, swiveling her chair toward her station again. “Very well. Just be careful.”

Freely, brashly for an interrogation, the man went on blathering on the screen. “But impossible things have been happening. People disappearing. Tunnels hidden behind holo. Miracles, even. The last of which involved a woman intercepting a truck in the tunnels, armed with nothing but a bat���so what I’ve been wondering is, how did the excellent and competent MWPSB get a double-crossing bitch to do their job for them?”

Doors glided open in front of him as Kogami’s step came to a standstill. Jaw clenching, he whirled round to face the grainy image of the man again.

��You’d do well to remember I’m the one asking questions here,” Ginoza retorted impatiently, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “This isn’t an exchange of particulars between two commensurate parties. This is an interrogation, and your time is running out.”

The man leaned in over the table and Kunizuka’s back went upright, her hand circling around her waist as a warning. “You see,” he said. “I can’t help but be intrigued as to how a single woman gained the trust of the underground resistance and helped them against the syndicates, all while working with the police.”

Kogami stiffened. Was that the reason behind Tsunemori’s ironclad secrecy? Did the man not kill her only because he was working information out of her? Even if Kogami had entertained a similar notion before—with her overt spurning of the system and her criminal consorts—something in him refused to admit that she could be, for lack of a better word, his enemy. But if what was being said was true, then the accusations he’d hurled at her—the same ones that had been tormenting him since he’d said them—may have been wholly understating.

“Justice for traitors and informers, know what that is? That wretched girl hanging from a wire in the ports of Ougishima where anyone else with funny ideas can see. Or worse—No. Better—her chained to a bed in the filth of a brothel. See that pretty hue turn black.” The man spoke slowly but without pause, in his visage a pained expression that evoked menace in lieu of sorrow. “Imagine, if you can, in a place crawling with people both desperate to cleanse their sins and itching for something unsullied to defile, just what coveted merchandise a clear-hued Sib would be. Not just any Sib, no. A plant by the MWPSB. A traitor. Hell, for all we know it might be her own people that get her first.”

With clenched fists, Kogami made his way back toward the screen. It wasn’t that the man’s tirade didn’t incense him greatly, considering to whom his poisoned darts were being aimed. But there was something else: the fact that he spoke as if he wasn’t in Sibyl’s claws. In his claws.

“That brat is too smart for her own good. Messing with things she don’t understand. Stealing things that don’t belong to her. Out of all the crummy chumps the so-called resistance has produced, this one might be the trickiest one. Should’ve snuffed her out when I had the chance.”

“This resistance,” Ginoza cleared his throat, “is it an anti-governmental group?”

The man stared superciliously, almost amused. “You Sibs think the blocks are seedbeds of chaos where the scum of society oozes like a weeping blister in your clean world. It’s not for me to deny it. I’ve seen men rip out each other’s guts over a cigarette. I’ve slain many more myself, men and women, for less than that. Why? You worried the pus might spill onto your streets? You afraid hearing these things will make you catch that disease?” A spark of relish in his eye. “What if I told you there’s a cure for that?”

“A—a cure? A cure for what?”

“The illness of evil—the illness the Sibyl system diagnosed for the rest of us. In fact, I’ll prove it to you right now,” the man invited with an almost affable tone. “Point your dominator at me.”

“What? What are you talking abou—H-Hound 2! No one ordered you to withdraw your dominator!”

Kunizuka, arm fully extended next to Ginoza’s face, had her sights aimed directly at the space between the eyebrows of the Arumajiro man. “I’m sorry, Inspector. This is the only language men like these speak.” A heavy mute second was filled with Ginoza’s eyes flitting from the dominator, to the man, back to Kunizuka until at last, haltingly, she lowered her arm and her jaw dropped with shock. “Th-There has to be a mistake. We checked his hue this morning and it was—a-and besides, he just said—”

Kogami didn’t wait to hear the rest. He bolted out of the analysis lab and down the corridor in the direction of the emergency stairs. His mind raced. One victim found dead in a factory. A second victim mauling herself to death in Nona Tower. Disparate timelines and intervals in both casualties, as if the pill’s dual mechanism could be detonated at a distance, at will. It made no sense. He hurtled down endless flights of stairs many floors below, gnawing despair lodged deep in his stomach. He’d seen him strangling her. He’d tried to drown him. No doubt he was a murderer. It couldn’t be. Nausea and doom had overtaken him by the time he tore past the doors of the last hallway and turned the last corner, silvered walls bouncing all around him as he caught sight of his mark leaving the interrogation room behind Ginoza and Kunizuka. He couldn’t see or hear until his hands were on the man. Until he felt other hands trying to pull him away.

“Shepherd 2! Get a hold of yourself!” Ginoza thundered, forcefully jostling against him. “Stop this right now! Kogami!”

“You fucking bastard,” Kogami growled, both hands yanking the manacled Arumajiro man by his threadbare shirt. “You know about the pill. You know what it is. You’re gonna tell me everything even if I have to kick it outta you!”

“Seems like someone’s found the antidote to Sibyl,” the tottering man hissed back, reveling in Kogami’s stunned expression. “Whatever it is you want to call it.”

“Yeah?” Kogami’s grip was taut on the collar around the man’s neck. “Then you must know about its side effects. Does that make you smile also?”

“I’d be more worried about that hue of yours, Inspector. I’d even go as far as advising you to choose your friends and allies wisely. Before she ruins you.”

A sobering shudder ran through Kogami.

“Search for her,” he rasped with bared teeth, “touch her again, and I swear I’ll find you and kill you with my own hands!”

“That’s enough of that!” Masaoka shouted from somewhere. Next thing he knew, Sasayama was there too, shouldering his way between them, tearing Kogami off as Kunizuka and Gino pulled the man away. Still, Kogami shoved and kicked and cursed as the man crossed the threshold of a door shutting closed, and then his vision went askew as a sharp pain had him hunching down and looking at the ground, immobilized.

“You need to cool down, son.” Masaoka tightened his armlock and Kogami heard himself pant helplessly, his forehead beading with sweat.

“Don’t you realize,” Kogami grunted through the pain, “that’s the one lead we have in this case?”

“And what good will it do if you end up in a rehabilitation facility?” Sasayama’s shoes came into view and Kogami was just able to shift his head up to shoot a glare at him. “How is pulling this bullshit gonna help you catch him then?”

There was the slow squeak and hush of a door opening and closing again.

“I hope you know this is all your influence, Sasayama,” Ginoza roared. “And if you think I won’t have a few words to say about you in the report of this incident, then you’re awfully misguided.” Masaoka loosened the grip of his metallic arm, and Kogami yanked his own free. He straightened up to meet the withering, unforgiving gaze of his partner. “Masaoka, go assist Kunizuka in the discharge of the witness. Kogami, you and I need to talk.”

“Gino, we can’t let him go,” Kogami protested with a gruff voice. “You saw what just happ—”

“Would you rather we do this in the presence of the Chief?”

Kogami squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to steady himself, but rage still boiled inside of him. “Fine,” he grumbled with frustration. “Fine.”

---------

Outside of Nona Tower the sun had set but the city was blazing like it was the middle of the day. A shine as artificial as that of the abolition blocks, though sleeker, clearer, new. Not the dizzying red and yellow twilights that led the way through the narrower, angular alleys of the abolition blocks, nor the darkened hollows and crannies where eyes and knives glinted. From a holographic billboard the large face of a woman donned in traditional garb gazed at him, her pale face dissolving into a pink forest, carpeted with what looked like pink snow. The next thing he noticed was that there was no distinct smell.

He walked the stretch of the plaza. Guardedly. Drawing near to where another hologram had attracted a multitude, but still keeping a cautious distance, he stood to watch. Three large fish swam in a hoop, floating in sync until one of them broke the formation to playfully pursue the others, making a squealing sound similar to that of rats, but louder and full of delight. Something like a fog, a vague sensation taking form, disturbed him. A nebulous recollection from years ago, of childhood in the blocks. A discoloured picture of animals like these nailed to a cracking wall. A wrinkled old lady calling him evil before falling with a thud. He remembered her body being warm even after he’d withdrawn his knife more times than he could count. The eyes in the eyes of his first kill looking deep into him and then…nothing. It’s cold, he thought, and that’s why I’m shivering. He peered at the crowd. Oblivious onlookers and their marveled profiles. His gaze drifted upwards and behind the surrounding skyscrapers. They didn’t know a few kilometers from here people burned. Soon they would.

He pivoted to two pairs of gawking eyes pegged on him. Youngsters. They approached him with slimy passivity, before gushing admiringly.

“Woah, mister, you really went out of your way with that cosplay! See? I told you the tattoos weren’t holo!”

“Of course they’re holo! How do you think he’d show to work with those tattoos? But isn’t the convention until next February though? If it was today I’m sure he’d win first prize!”

He snarled at the two pests, which only seemed to excite them more. A flashing light blinded him for a second, and before he could curse them out, they were scuttling away. It was then he took notice of the woman wearing a red long coat standing beside him.

“Do you actually know where you’re going, Igarashi-san?”

Unblemished skin. Long, silky hair. Almond eyes evenly shaped with a strange green sheen to them, and a thin, pointy nose. An enigmatic smile that could’ve been wider but wasn’t.

“Choe Gu-sung?”

“I knew Makishima-san was right to put his trust in the Arumajiro.”

“Your holo is too perfect,” Igarashi answered with blunt disdain. “No one looks like that.”

“That may be true in the abolition blocks, but as you can see, people love illusions here.”

Minutes later they were driving through the elevated highways of Tokyo. A light rain fell aslant, pins of purple and pink hitting on the windshield of the driverless vehicle. Igarashi kept a wary side-eye on Makishima’s lackey sitting beside him, though underneath that stupid holo he was more unreadable than usual. Not that he didn’t understand how such concealment was necessary for serious matters, but it pissed him off that important work should fall on the lap of a foreigner out of all people.

“I hope your doubts about our plan are settled now, Igarashi-san,” said Choe Gu-sung as if reading his mind, the faintest hint of mockery in his voice.

“Our plan requires certain arrangements we’ll overlook for the moment, but I know the Arumajiro won’t be so sparing afterwards.”

“It’s precisely that ruthlessness that Makishima found so compelling for this project to start with. In this brave new world of Sibyl, few men are willing to go where the Arumajiro go, and so your clan is instrumental for what needs to be done.”

All the sickly ass-licking made Igarashi turn his face toward the city flashing past. “To think you’re the first person to

address me by my name since I was arrested,” he muttered with disgust.

Once they had arrived at the high-rise hotel, an elegant wooden door embellished with the metal knocker of a spider admitted them into a vast suite decked out with fine furnishings. A low gray sofa with plush cushions half-mooned around a glass table where a steaming cup of tea had been set. An open book rested onto the lid of a black piano, and above it, a strange light fixture glittered from the ceiling like a dancing bride. Igarashi was becoming acutely aware of the thick, green rug underneath his tatty boots, but unlike him, the silver-haired man contemplating Tokyo out of the ceiling-to-floor windows fit into the room perfectly. Deceptively.

“I’m glad you made it out safely, Igarashi-san.”

Obscured on the reflection, Makishima’s features betrayed his otherwise harmless semblance as a truer, more sinister face smiled at Igarashi from the glass. Long gone was his first impression of a wealthy, over-spoilt child uttering words of revolution because, where the pointless, clumsy violence of the blocks rose and fell with no consequence or significance, Makishima had given them the means to overthrow an evil bigger than all the gangsters of the underground.

“The MWPSB has an informer in the blocks. That’s how they were able to get us. It’s Lemonade Candy.”

Piqued by his words, Makishima looked briefly over his shoulder. “The mastermind of the resistance works with the MWPSB,” he said, turning again toward the city. “How interesting. It only makes it the more impressive for you to have survived such a predicament, being attacked, as you were, by both sides.”

“It was one of their own group who gave them away. An unregistered who’d worked for Bunzo.” Igarashi’s fingers trailed the soft fabric on the arm of the sofa without daring to sit. “Wanted to settle a score or somethin’. Went mad, and for a moment there I really thought we’d turned the tables on her.”

“Her, you said?”

“Lemonade Candy is a twenty-something woman. Small and thin as a reed. And still the bitch was able to take out our lights singlehandedly and then escape through one of their hidden tunnels. We followed, and for a moment I had her, until an inspector showed up.”

“She ensnared you,” murmured Makishima. “She used herself as bait knowing you’d follow her. What appeared like recklessness at a cursory glance, was a calculated gamble.” He turned around and ambled across the room, feathery and lithe, with hands in his pockets. “We’re not the only ones with the will to choose to bet, it seems.”

Again there was that mysterious smile on Makishima’s lips and, like an obedient disciple, Igarashi felt the irresistible urge to supply more. “The resistance is not our biggest problem. Getting the syndicate to get rid of her now that I’ve seen her should be easy. But there’s also the police. That detective, especially. He don’t seem the type to let go of things.” An ear-to-ear grin spread on his face. “And he’s a hot head for that woman. Nearly slugged me when I mentioned her to him. Threatened to kill me, even.”

“Are they not merely enforcers?”

“No,” Igarashi assured with a sharp shake of his head. “He’s the one who’s been interrogating me. Or trying to, at least. Today I heard his partner refer to him as Kogami. As for the woman…haven’t seen her since that night.”

“Kogami,” Makishima echoed with flash of eagerness in his amber eyes. “Are there still humans in this city who are not afraid of themselves, I wonder? And, if so, is it a coincidence that we happened to lure two of them out of hiding? Is this what the sentimentalist calls ‘destiny’?”

Across from him, Choe Gu-sung ambled over and sat on the other side of the sofa where he opened a laptop. He’d remained so quiet, Igarashi had but completely forgotten about his presence, and his appearance, now devoid of holo, glared like a sour reminder. He began typing something hurriedly.

“They’re vermin—that’s what they are,” crossing his arms, Igarashi commented while looming over Choe. “All those who can’t rise by their own strength deserve to be squashed like roaches. It’s the rule of the world. Eat or be eaten.”

“You know, Igarashi-san,” Makishima lingered by the piano, slowly turning over the pages of the book. “I’ve always admired men like you. The ones who agitate the whole world through the sheer strength of your desire. If the world sings blue, you’ll force it to sing red until it matches your vision. A common man in an uncommon world. Please,” his eyes rose from the page to watch him intently. “Understand that this is the deepest of compliments. You see, in this sterile, plastic world, that type of primal life force has been forgotten. The human animal domesticated, his soul depurated, sterilized, until he became nothing more than the ruins of what he once was—and ruins are only beautiful after a great war. Anything else is…mockery.”  

“Well, that’s the way of the blocks. The only way we know. And now, thanks to you, these things will be ours too.” Not until he said it did it seem true to Igarashi—that they would rule over this world just like they ruled over the underground. Dominators, cymatic scanners and drones could not stop them anymore, and the weak children of Sibyl would succumb just like their evil mother. “And even the enemies of the Arumajiro won’t mind it if it means destroying this system.”

“You are correct. Anger has an interesting way of vitalizing people in ways no other need or cause does, notwithstanding how pure or lofty. That vein those spurned by the system share is what the Sibyl system has cut off and anesthetized, to the extent where the masses can’t even recall it ever being there. Their senses lay dormant as if they could truly exist as humans without them. Others even claim to want to live forever. But what value does a life have when it’s benumbed and protected from the knowledge of its own mortality? When it loses all primitive instincts in a beautiful cage where there’s no danger? As in the yesteryear, we need men like you to remind us what it means to be alive.”

In more ways than he could understand, Makishima’s words made Igarashi feel strangely satisfied. Comforted, even. Never before had he thought of his life in any aspect beyond, well, living.  What for was a question that hadn’t occurred to him. But for all the things he’d seen and done, he never would have guessed it’d be this man the one to weave meaning into his life.

“Do you know what intrahistory is, Igarashi-san?”

Choe Gu-sung’s annoying typing made it difficult for him to hear the question. “Huh?”

“Intrahistory,” Makishima continued as he ran his finger down a yellowed page in the book, “Is the history that’s left outside of the books. Think of it as the blank margins on the paper. It’s the story of the nameless people who made history but who are never mentioned. Without them, History with a capital H is unconceivable.”

Igarashi gave a sly smile. “Is that the people from the blocks?”

“Indeed. The men who wrought the world and thrust it forward through blood and fire. You can see why the system made sure we never hear about them. Those who dare to be the actors of their own existence have no need for Sibyl.”

“Like the Arumajiro in the blocks.”

Makishima closed the book carefully. “Like the gladiators who died devoured by the lions under the impassive eyes of an Emperor. Or the soldiers in the vanguard bringing us closer to victory with their sacrifices. The anonymous martyrs who enrage the survivors. The strongest within the strong.”

It was quiet now. Choe Gu-sung had abruptly stopped his noise. A bizarre, undeniable aura of expectation hung in the air. Igarashi swallowed something he’d not felt in years down his parched throat, his mind scrambling to decipher what Makishima was getting at with his incessant blabber.

“Violence can be captivating, even beautiful. But like any art, when it’s empty, it’s hopelessly corrupted and vulgar. You do not need to worry about that, Igarashi-san. I’ll be sure to make your sacrifice meaningful.”

Dread surged in Igarashi like a freezing chill. “What the hell are you talking about?” he murmured. He’d kill the two of them. He could take them both easily, rip them apart with his hands, bludgeon them to death.

With a flourish, Choe Gu-sung made a single clicking sound on his keyboard, and Igarashi felt his body drop and crash into the glass table. A hail storm of white particles infested his vision, followed by a green crooked line and a tea cup rolling on the floor. Beyond that, Makishima’s feet trod toward him with the precision of a ropewalker, and he felt fear.

“I know you don’t like this gruesome part, Choe. You may go.”

Igarashi’s wild eyes tried to meet the mechanical eyes of the hacker, but he couldn’t move because a rumbling began inside his body; his blood boiling and searing and cauterizing from the inside. He clenched his teeth and grunted, his body growing rigid as pain travelled through his veins like a jagged marble—excruciating pain that made it impossible to think on anything except on it being over. With what little mind he had, he started wide-eyed at a slice of a window visible between Makishima’s legs, wishing with all his rotten heart he could jump from it. Then he heard himself howl a beast-like howl over and over again.

“’Alas, what is good and what is evil?’” Makishima said looking down on him. “’Are they both one single thing with which we furiously attest our impotence and passion to attain the infinite by even the maddest means? Or are they two different things? Yes…they had sooner be one and the same…for if not, what will become of me on Judgement Day?’”

[five-rivers]

Long Night in the Valley, Chapter 6

Plans were made.

And discarded.

Different plans were made.  

These were also discarded.  

The problem (besides the fact that their best planners (except Yaoyorozu) were out of commission) was that no one knew what needed to be done. If anything.  Yes, Midoriya had run out of the testing center.  Yes, the whole situation where Midoriya was initially placed in a group apart from all the rest of them was shady.  Yes, the fact that Aizawa and the other half of class was still missing was distressing.  

But they didn’t know what was actually happening.  They didn’t know if the others needed help, or what help they would need.  They didn’t know why Midoriya was running, chased by heroes of all things. Jirou had wondered out loud if Midoriya had been mind-controlled by a villain with a quirk like Shinsou’s.  In response, Kaminari had a (brief) breakdown agonizing about whether he had inadvertently helped a villain kidnap his friend.

What a mad banquet of darkness.  

Luckily, they were training for… well, not situations like these, to be honest, but situations.  Just. In general.  Dark, mysterious situations, where one wrong step could send a person plummeting into an abyss of misery.

Anyway.  

When in such a vexing a perilous situation, the thing to do, as Momo had pointed out, was gather information.  

Was Jirou plugged into the wall?  Yes.  Did Shouji manifest enough ears and eyes to make even Fumikage slightly disturbed? Yes.  Did Yaoyorozu make tiny listening devices that fit on the mice and insects that Kouda had called?  Yes.  Did Kaminari spontaneously manifest hacking skills that no one knew about and then deny that they were hacking skills?  Yes.  Had Dark Shadow pressed herself flat to sneak under doors and temporary room partitions?

Also, yes.  

He tugged on Dark Shadow with his mind, directing her to return.

“Find anything new?” he asked.  Tsuyu, his current partner in not-crime-quite-yet and lookout, leaned closer as well, interested.  

“The lady whose quirk they were using passed out,” reported Dark Shadow.  “Everyone she used it on is still asleep.”

“Nothing about Midori?” asked Tsuyu.  

Dark Shadow’s facial expressions were often limited, but, this time, her scowl was clear.  “Stupid stuff.”

“Like?”

Dark Shadow huffed, and Fumikage felt her annoyance. “Like he’s a villain or a spy. Stupid.”

Tsuyu closed her eyes and swallowed with obvious distaste.

“Do you think that’s why he ran?  It seems unlike him.”

“Huh?” said Dark Shadow.  “Midori didn’t run.”

“What are you talking about, Dark Shadow?” asked Fumikage. “Speak clearly.”

Dark Shadow elbowed him.  “Midori’s friends ran!”

“You mean Ochako, Todoroki, and Iida?” asked Tsuyu.

“No, they’re still asleep.  His friends.  Like you and me are friends, Fumi!”

“You mean his quirk?”

“Uhhuh,” said Dark Shadow, bobbing.  “They’re like us.  Isn’t it obvious?”

“Not really,” said Tsuyu.  

Fumikage leaned and against the wall and slid down to put his head in his hands.  “What a mad banquet of darkness, indeed.  It is as if we journey at night, through a verdant and shadowy valley—”

“Come on, we have to tell the others,” said Tsuyu, nudging him.

.

“What happened?” asked Hitoshi, softly, not quite believing what he’d heard.  He rubbed his fingers over the folds of his artificial vocal cords, stored in the top pocket of his backpack.  Legally speaking, he wasn’t supposed to have it, or any hero support gear, outside the school he wasn’t licensed, even provisionally.    But Hizashi had insisted, and Kayama-sensei didn’t object, so…  

“According to the Hero Commission,” said Hizashi, voice tighter than his hands around the wheel, “Shouta and some of the 1-A students were targeted by a villain at the testing center.”

“What?  What villain? Shigaraki?”  That was the one that had been targeting 1-A again and again and again.  The one that had hurt him so badly at the USJ.  

“No,” said Hizashi.  “They said it was Midoriya.”

Hitoshi blinked, his brain first trying to find a villain that matched the name before shoving his fellow student’s face into his mind’s eye. “You mean, he’s the one that wound up fighting the villain.  How many bones did he break this time?  Or did he get a new quirk?”

“No,” said Kayama-sensei.  “They’re really saying that Midoriya is a villain.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” stated Hitoshi. “They think the second coming of All Might sunshine child is a villain?  If he got locked in Tartarus, half the population would, I don’t know, start confessing their sins and become model citizens before the day was out.  If his quirk wasn’t bone-breaking nonsense, I’d say it was the power of friendship.”  He stopped, considered that last sentence.  “Wait, this is about his quirk, isn’t it?”

“We don’t know,” said Hizashi.  

“They’re saying he kidnapped All Might.”

Hitoshi wondered if this was what people felt like when he used his quirk on them, because his brain had just bluescreened and was struggling to restart.  

“They’re what?” screeched Hizashi.  It was a good thing he was the one driving the car.  Hitoshi winced and covered his ears.  

“Didn’t All Might steal Vlad-sensei’s car?” asked Hitoshi, feeling dazed.  “How do you get from that, to Midoriya kidnapping him from across town.”

“I don’t know,” said Kayama, “but it’s all over Heronet and the commission is starting to release it to news networks.”

“That has to be the- the stupidest thing I ever heard! I’d put more money on Yagi kidnapping Midoriya,” said Hizashi, loudly and angrily.  

“What the rat god said before we left makes much more sense now,” said Kayama, mournfully.  

Hitoshi blanched at her reference to the principal.  But then curiosity got the better of him.  “What did he say?”

“That to keep custody of all our staff and students, we were going to have to be creative.”

.

Hizashi had expected many things upon arriving at the testing center.  Being refused access to the unconscious teacher and students was one of them. Obstructive bureaucracy was one of them. People telling him something was illegal or forbidden by protocol when he knew it wasn’t was one of them.  Chaos was one of them.  Confusion was one of them.  Lack of organization was one of them.  

In these things, he was not disappointed.  

What he didn’t expect, however, was for the remaining half of Shouta’s class to not only be one hundred percent down with kinda-sorta kidnapping, but to have already laid a lot of the groundwork for it already.  

Maybe he should have.  But he didn’t.  How was it that Shouta, aka Mr. Expulsion, aka Mr. ‘you have no potential,’ had kept all the students from a class that had no scruples against committing things that most people would consider crimes?  A class that, having been given time to bond, would probably collectively turn to villainy rather than betray one of their number?

He paused and considered his long relationship with Shouta. Mentally squinted.  Never mind.  He could see it now.  

Well.  It wasn’t as if Hizashi wasn’t like that, too.  He’d never really considered expelling any of them.  Except Mineta.  Grape Juice was on thin ice.  

“We most likely would have acted already,” Yaoyorozu said as the rest of the class distracted the commission officials who were supposedly supervising the pickup of the children, “but we didn’t know what we’d do after. No escape plan.”

Reasonable.  The bus driver (Green Light, the Transit Hero) had gone back to the school after dropping them off and had to turn around once he heard the news.  

But, now, Recovery Girl was coming around with a fleet of ambulances from the hero hospital UA contracted with.  A hospital that was, incidentally, not the same as the one the Hero Commission wanted to bring all the people still affected by Saito’s quirk.  

Ambulances had room for riders.  It was unorthodox, but it would work.  

“Well, you have one now,” said Hizashi, quietly.  No one expected him to be quiet.  It made him almost invisible when he was.  

“I know you already have a plan,” interjected Hitoshi. “But is there anything I can do?”

Momo blinked.  “Actually, yes.  We could get them out anyway, but it would help a lot if we had the keys.”

.

The search for Uraraka hadn’t been going well before the city started to fall apart around them.  In fact, it had been going incredibly poorly, because various versions of All Might kept popping up to try and punch Suzuki’s face off.  Literally.  At least two of the All Mights had declared that as their intention prior to attacking.

Tenya wasn’t sure if he should be concerned about his friend’s mental state or baffled about his incredibly violent mental view of All Might.

Perhaps the eyeless villain in Kamino had left a strong impression on him?  But All Might couldn’t have been responsible for the villain’s injuries! It was All Might.  He hardly ever injured villains he took down.  

On the other hand, the villain at Kamino had been terrifyingly strong.  If there were to be an exception to the rule, he was certainly it.  

But the real reason, in Tenya’s opinion, the search had been going poorly was Suzuki.  The man would not stop talking.  His theories were even worse than Todoroki’s!

“That All Might is fake,” he was saying.  “He isn’t even using his quirk, just like Midoriya.”

“I think we all know that the All Might that exists in Midoriya’s mind is not, in fact, the real All Might,” said Aizawa.  

“This destruction is just another ploy, another distraction—”

“We get it,” said Aizawa.  “But it isn’t centered around us, so, logically, it must be centered around Uraraka.”

Suzuki scoffed.  “We should be looking for what Midoriya is trying to hide.”

“The only reason we aren’t beating you up right now,” said Aizawa, “is that we are looking for Uraraka.  So, shut up.”

“What about me?”

Tenya whipped around to see Uraraka stooped over behind them, breathing heavily, hands on her knees.  “Sorry,” she said, “I ran all the way here.”

Aizawa hurried over to her.  Tenya noted that he never quite turned his back to Suzuki.  

“What happened?” he asked.  “Where were you?”

“D- Izuku wanted to talk to me,” she said.  “He said something dangerous was about to happen, but if we went farther in, we could maybe get out?”  

Under normal circumstances, the overly vague report would have been cause for scolding, but Tenya could see how her eyes flicked to Suzuki. There were details she didn’t want him to hear.

“Did he say how to go further in?” asked Aizawa.  

“No.  That happened and he ran off.”  She gestured towards another building that was slowly collapsing.  

“Wait a moment,” said Suzuki.  “If you’re here, what’s there?”

“Uh,” said Uraraka.  

“He told you, didn’t he?  What did he say?”

“Excuse me!” said Tenya.  “You are being very rude right now!  Uraraka has just come back from a harrowing experience!”

Tenya was not very good at lying, but this wasn’t really a lie, per-se.  

The distinction didn’t seem to matter to Suzuki, who gave him a brief, incredulous look before turning back to the gathering storm.  “He doesn’t want us to see this.”

“Don’t you dare,” said Aizawa, eyes narrowing.

Suzuki didn’t listen.

Tenya caught up to him without any trouble and punched him in the back of the head.  “Ow,” said Tenya, who had forgotten he wasn’t wearing his hero costume.  

“Did you break your fingers?” asked Aizawa as he dragged Suzuki back by the foot.  

“I’m going to have you all arrested and stripped of you licenses, unless—”

“Because we didn’t help you with an illegal interrogation? No, you’re not,” said Aizawa.

“Nana!”

The voice bounced off the buildings and was swept away by the wind.  

“Nana!  Master, where are you?”

It was the voice of the younger, vigilante All Might.  

“Is he calling the name or the number?” asked Uraraka.  

“Master!  Please! Answer me!”

With a shuddering heave, the building right next to them tipped over, falling into rubble before it even hit the ground.  The storm wind, heavy with rain and lightning, whipped down the street with all the force of a hurricane.  Tenya had to brace himself and cover his eyes.  

When he could see again, it was to discover Suzuki had run off again.  Towards the fallen building.  

Tenya was honestly torn between letting him get beaten up by whatever had flattened the building, whether it be Midoriya’s subconscious, the illusory All Might, or something worse.  Although, arguably, all those were the same the same thing.  

But Tenya was training to be a hero.  Heroes couldn’t pick and choose who to save.  He, and everyone else took off after Suzuki.  

They all stopped, though, when a boy in a torn UA uniform clambered over the rubble.  The boy cupped his hands around his mouth.  “Nana!”

That hair was recognizable from a mile away, not to mention the height.  All Might. Yet a different version.  Tenya had known UA was All Might’s alma mater, but seeing him in a uniform like this, seeing him vulnerable, not in the way of a man at the end of his career, but as someone just starting out, someone like them, was oddly humbling and completely terrifying.  

What pushed him to this?  What put that distraught tone in his voice?  What put that bloody slash in his uniform and bruised his face?

Tenya had a sinking suspicion he knew what.  He didn’t even want to come into contact with the memory of that monster from Kamino.  

All Might was scanning the ground, looking for- Looking for something.  Someone?

His eyes fell on them, and even from this distance, Tenya could see them widen.  All Might began to scramble down the hill.  

“You,” he shouted, as he came closer.  “You—Underclassmen.  Have you seen-?”  He gasped for air.  

Even Suzuki, from what he could see, looked taken aback.  

“Have you seen a woman about—” He hesitated and adjusted his hand downward, to about the height of his chin.  Which was still taller than Tenya.  

All Might was tall in high school.  Or, at least, Midoriya thought All Might was tall in high school.  

This was confusing.  

“A woman about this tall.  She’s—She has black hair, and she wears it, um, half up.”  All Might fanned his hand behind his head to illustrate. “She’s a hero.  Wears- Wears yellow gloves.”  He paused for a moment, eyes flicking from one to the next.  “You haven’t seen her.”  He whipped back around.  “Nana!”

“What even is this supposed to be?” demanded Suzuki.  

“Truly,” said Todoroki, “their bond is inspiring.  For All Might to tell Midoriya even of this tragedy…”

“Todoroki!  That’s entirely inappropriate!” exclaimed Tenya, turning to face his classmate.  

The wind picked up again.  The buildings began to twinkle.  

Earlier, you said something about being a vigilante. What was up with that, anyway?

Midoriya’s voice sounded like it was right next to him, and yet the sound was entirely sourceless.  

The colors shifted.

.

Izuku wasn’t sure if he wanted to curse the bystander culture encouraged by the hero system or bless it for its unintentional effects.  Even though Toshinori was clearly suffering, slumped against a wall and shoulders heaving, no one stopped to help him.  In fact, most people were averting their eyes, barely looking at him.  

Generally speaking, Izuku decided, he’d curse it.  In this particular instance, however, it benefitted them.  

He looked back and forth before dashing across the street, not caring about jaywalking at the moment.  He jogged up to Toshinori, swallowing the name before it left his lips. Right.  They were undercover, and the commission definitely knew Toshinori’s real name.  

“Dad,” he said instead, and mentally felt himself collide with a wall.  Couldn’t he have picked something else?  Come up with some fake name?  Or just not used a name to begin with.  With effort, he picked himself up and his dream-self kept running.  “I got your text,” he said, instead, for the benefit of anyone listening.  He inserted himself under one of Toshinori’s arms.  “Let’s go home.”

He smiled at a couple of people who were staring and hoped they wouldn’t report this.  

“I can walk, I can walk,” said Toshinori heaving himself off the wall with a shudder.  “I’m fine.”

This was a lie.  Izuku could still see the flashback playing out in his mind’s eye.  Even so, he nodded and tried to give Toshinori space, even as Toshinori put one hand on his shoulder and leaned on it heavily.  

This mental invasion was wearing both of them out.  No.  All of them out.  This was not, they reminded him, at all normal.  

Five gently pressed ways of dealing with flashbacks into his awareness.  Thank goodness for Five and his comparative normalcy.  

“We’re okay,” he said.  “We’re just on a street in Musutafu.  You can feel me, right?  And the sidewalk under your feet.  And you can hear the traffic and smell the cars.”  He kept going.

Toshinori gave a hum of assent after each item Izuku listed, but he could tell it wasn’t enough.  He might be able to see and hear, to touch and taste, but he could do the same things to that mental battleground.  

“What if,” said Izuku, desperately, “you tell me a story?”

“A story?” rasped Toshinori.  

“Y-yeah.  Earlier, you said something about being a vigilante.  What was up with that, anyway?”

.

It isn’t well known, said Yagi’s voice as the world came back into focus in an entirely different city with entirely different weather and signage, but I didn’t grow up in a terribly pleasant area.  

In fact, there was quite a lot of crime.  

Aizawa caught sight of a familiar head of yellow hair positioned above a plain gakuran.  The younger version of Yagi was staring down an alleyway.  

Suddenly, Aizawa felt himself pulled to stand right behind Yagi. A man with a mutation quirk was being mugged by two young men with fire quirks.  He blinked.  The scene didn’t change, even behind his eyelids.  He couldn’t see his students, or Suzuki.  

What was this, a cutscene?

I, ah, rather disliked that.  Obviously, my thoughts about become a symbol of peace for the world were, well… Just thoughts.  But even then, for my own little corner of the world, I wanted to make a difference.

Yagi, showcasing the fact that he’d always been a bit of an idiot, pulled on a medical mask and threw his bookbag at one of the muggers and punched the other one in the face.  At least he wasn’t using his quirk to do it.  The villain would have been paste on the side of the building.  

On the other hand, this was presumably some imagining of Midoriya’s, possibly based on a story he heard from All Might, if the voiceover was anything to go by.  

Oh, said Midoriya, I did that a couple of times.  Stop a mugging, I mean.                                                                                                                                          

I thought you said you weren’t involved in any vigilantism.

It wasn’t vigilantism!  They were just things I happened to run into, and I couldn’t just not help.

Sometimes, I wonder if your quirk really isn’t something like a villain magnet…

The scene shifted again, making Aizawa feel dizzy, even though he wasn’t moving.  Except, maybe that was why he felt dizzy.  Motion sickness.  

I never knew my parents.  I grew up in a foster home.  

Aizawa blinked, and the scene became clear.  A small apartment building with a tiny, tattered lawn. Someone’s shoe had been left on the sidewalk in front, and Yagi was climbing the stairs to the door.  

Then, Aizawa was inside, and internally wincing at the noise level.  Screaming preteens were so far out of his comfort level you couldn’t see it with a telescope.  

(The exception, of course, was Eri.)

As he watched, Yagi was shoved several times, tripped, and had a water-manipulation quirk used to drop something that Aizawa suspected was toilet water on his head.  

Overall, the attitude towards people like us wasn’t quite what it was now, but to be parentless on top of that?  Many of the other children at the home thought there had to be something wrong with me.  There was a sigh.  Judging from what I’ve seen of your memories, I suspect you had the worse time of it.

I had Mom, though.

Aizawa found himself in a small bedroom.  Pinned to one of the walls was a corkboard.  Which looked distressingly like Todoroki’s.  Yagi crossed his arms as he contemplated it.

Once I had built up my confidence, one of the things I was trying to do was find out about a human trafficking ring.

Oh, yeah, those suck.  

… Why do I feel like you have personal experience in the subject.  

It wasn’t my fault.  

Soft, fond laughter filled the room before it was whisked away and replaced with a warehouse that just screamed ‘villain hideout.’

There was a fight.  

I tried my best, tried to be sneaky… I knew I wouldn’t win in a straight-out fight.  But…

Yagi was surrounded and clearly losing.  Then the doors burst open.  A figure floated, framed by the threshold, backlit by the streetlights.

First contact, whispered a voice like the wind.

Nana, said Midoriya.  

Nana, agreed All Might’s voice.  She saved me.  I… Didn’t want to get caught.  I ran. Went back to the muggings.  

And then?

And then—

Another change in scenery.  A sidewalk by a stream.  Yagi stood in his gakuran a few meters away from a woman in a hero costume.  The yellow gloves stood out.  

And then, a week later, she found me.

The woman’s head snapped in Aizawa’s direction, and he had just enough time to realize she could see him before the scene glitched out and he was falling through an empty sky.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: You Had Me At Jell-O (baon)

Summary:  Edge trusts Stretch with so many things. His heart, his soul, his very life. Even his kitchen...but that might be about to change.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationship, Humor, Domestic Bliss

Notes: Thank you so much for all of you still reading! I know updates have been erratic and I haven't been as good at replying to comments as I could be, but please know I treasure each and every one. I still love these boys and I love playing in their world.

I've been missing some humor with these boys lately, please enjoy.

Part of the ‘by any other name��� series.

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Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

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As much as Stretch still liked to joke about the quality of his cooking (some jokes never end and old comedians never die, they just can’t stand up anymore), there really wasn’t any truth to it these days. He’d truly been practicing, events of culinary destruction were behind him, and if his attempts ended at the slightly overdone end of the spectrum more often than not, they had at least firmly moved out of ‘burnt to charcoal’ territory. Reasonably edible, that was a goal that many home cooks aspired to and Stretch could take his place amongst their ranks.

In any case, it made it less unusual for Stretch to spend time in the kitchen and Edge didn’t think much of it that afternoon as he sat at his desk in the living room and worked through a little paperwork. Not until he went for another cup of coffee, his mind absently split between the newest overseas trade negotiations and delicious, liquid caffeination.

Both thoughts came to a screeching halt right along with Edge as he froze two steps inside the kitchen, hardly noticing the door swinging shut behind him. One socket twitched as he stared at the unspeakable horror that dared to take up space on his kitchen counter.

Gelatin at least he recognized. Not a favorite of his, but it was often served as a treat down at the Y. This was not like the little plastic cups with their foil lids that the Human children gobbled down. This mold was huge and round, a geometric mountain of quivering goo. The outer ring horrifically blood-red and there were…things…encased within it, unidentifiable objects entombed in a wiggly sarcophagus. Nestled into the center of the ring was a curdled white gunk that threatened to ooze from its confinement and who knew what destruction it might wreak if it escaped from its gelatinous prison.

It sat there, alone, as it glistened threateningly in the overhead lights.

“hey, babe!” Came from the other side of the kitchen as Stretch stood up from where he’d been looking in the refrigerator, slamming the door shut with a clatter of the jars and bottles within. “i see you’ve met. say hello to my little friend.”

Edge did not take his gaze away from the shimmery intruder to his once-safe kitchen as he said, slowly, “Stretch, I’m aware that you have a wide variety of friends and acquaintances from all walks of life. This is your home and you’re allowed to have guests over. But I’m afraid I must insist that none of them bring infectious diseases with them, your expertise is in physics, not viral disorders.”

“heh, yeah, but i’ve got experience in going viral, which this already is!” Stretch said gleefully. He walked over to the counter right by where the awful thing sat. Edge resisted the urge to pull him to safety. “this, my heart, is a molded gazpacho sour cream salad.”

“That is not a salad,” Edge said, decisively. On that point, he was certain. “It has none of the shape, form, or accoutrements of a salad. If it ever were a salad, it lost the right to the title after its years-long imprisonment in the back of Bela Lugosi’s pantry.”

“nope, it is definitely a salad, per my good pal the dictionary,” Stretch held up his phone with a waggle, “i checked, merriam and webster are on my side. now,” He took a pinch from the little bowl he’d gotten from the fridge, tossing a sprinkle of what Edge recognized as chopped parsley over the nightmarish concoction. So far it was the only thing in the entire dish he recognized, and he wasn’t sure if that lessened his horror or not. “my twitter groupies are waiting patiently, and not so patiently, for your opinion. whatcha got for me, babe.”

“My opinion?” Edge asked, disbelieving, “My opinion is that you discovered a plague-riddled moldsmal and brought it home for vivisection, which is incredible cruel to their family, I expect better from you.”

Stretch gave him a look of mock outrage, silent laughter shining in his eye lights. “i’ll have you know this is an actual recipe from an actual book that YOU happen to own, ‘the best served cold’ cookbook, as a matter of fact.” He slouched down to lean on the counter, dangerously close to the so-called salad as he propped his chin on one hand. “so what do you think of that?”

“I think that the publisher needs to fire their health standards committee and I need to vet my cookbooks more carefully before they can fall into your treacherous hands.”

“too late now, my hands have been alllll over it,” Stretch leered. He was nearly shaking with barely stifled laughter. “c’mon, babe! everyone is waiting.”

“Waiting?” Edge demanded, “For what, a catastrophic meltdown because if that’s happening, we need to get to a minimum safe distance immediately.”

“you only need to take a bite. one little bite.” That placating tone very nearly masked the words and understanding came with a horror all its own.

“You’re actually expecting me to taste this? Hold on.” Edge pulled out his phone and made a show of calling out, and it was a show, because they both already knew he was going to taste it. Of course he was; he’d do it with a sigh and probably plenty of regret, but he would. A single bite of some godawful presumed salad was a small price to pay for Stretch’s delight.

Stretch only sighed, shaking his head with a grin, “okay, i’ll bite, who are you calling.”

“Our life insurance company, it might be best for you if I raise the current payout.”

“seriously, i should’ve recorded this from the start, no one could deny your sense of humor anymore after watching this, funny guy.” Stretch’s grin faded, switching over to what Edge mentally dubbed his wheedling face, all wide sockets and pleading eye lights. “just one, babe, a single, solitary, teensy weensy bite, do it for—"

“Don’t you dare say this is for science,” Edge warned. “There is nothing remotely scientific about murder jello, not to mention that it goes against our strict policy of no science in the kitchen!”

“—for me,” Stretch amended smoothly. He raised one brow bone and held out a fork, “unless you’re scared.”

“If you’re trying to appeal to my pride, I’ll have you know that anyone who isn’t afraid of that is a fool or a liar.” But Edge snatched the fork away. One bite, that was all.

One.

He poked it gingerly with the fork tines and shuddered as it jiggled moistly. The petrified contents within pressed to the sides as it moved, like unholy demons trying to escape from their viscous hell. Surely Edge was not a minority in his belief that savory foods should not wobble with such gleeful irreverence. The smell was reminiscent of spoiled dog food mixed with unforgiveable sins, tied together with a hint of ketchup, and with a hasty gesture and a silent prayer, Edge tore free a small bite with his fork and ate it.

As it turned out, the only thing worse than smelling it was eating it. Edge did not gag, he sat perfectly still, focused on keeping that single bite down since the only thing worse than tasting it once would be a second, slightly used time.

“well?” Stretch prodded, phone at the ready, his thumbs hovering, preparing to transmit the verdict to the entirety of his twitter harem who were surely waiting with bated, and baited, breath. “how is it?”

Edge said nothing. He careful set the fork aside and picked up the tray, carrying it directly outside to dump it, tray and all, into the trash can, and firmly put the lid on top it lest it attempt to crawl back out from the dark plastic depths to which it had been banished.

Stretch followed him out, no longer bothering to stifle his snickers, “that good, huh?”

“I think the best word I can manage considering your character limit would be ‘memorable’,” Edge told him dryly. “If you ever attempt to murder me again, I’d appreciate a more straightforward approach. A simple knife in the back will do, there’s no need to create something that might unleash havoc on the entire town. We’ll be lucky if the trash collectors don’t quit in protest rather than empty it.”

“knew i could count on you for an honest review,” Stretch grinned. He gave the trash can a nudge with the toe of his untied sneaker, perhaps to verify that vile thing was staying down. But what he said next froze Edge down to his marrow. “welp, that’s a good start for my new weekly food review.”

“Weekly?” Edge sputtered. Apparently there was a limit to what he would do to make his husband happy and on this day, they’d finally found it, trapped within a gelatinous mass that had a taste reminiscent of a shrimp cocktail left at a nuclear testing site. “My wedding vows were for in sickness and health, I made no promises about helping you achieve internet points!”

“nah, relax, babe,” Stretch slung both arms around Edge’s shoulders and leaned in for a soft kiss, and that he didn’t immediately lurch away from the remnants that surely lingered on his breath was enough for Edge to permanently doubt his sense of taste. No wonder he didn’t like risotto. “i’m gonna have new guests every week. lotsa monsters and humans would love to help out, i just figured you’d be a good starter package.”

“Alternating people will increase your survival rates, I’m sure.” But he gave Stretch a light kiss of his own, lingering briefly, then leaning away to say sternly, “Going forward, I’d appreciate advanced warning if you’re going to use my kitchen for evil.”

“deal. c’mon, i made some actual lunch, too, it’s in the oven.” He tugged Edge along and he followed, with slightly less confidence than he might have had only ten minutes earlier, “plus, i got a great shot of your boots walking out to the trash can. your shoes are more internet famous than i am, babe.”

“Wonderful,” Edge could only sigh, “I’m glad that both my footwear and my nausea could be of service.” This was what he’d set himself up for when he’d married Stretch, a lifetimes’ worth of it, richer, poorer, sickness and health, in gelatin molds and the slightly overcooked tuna melts freshly pulled from the oven. All of it, for the rest of his life.

He couldn’t wait to see what happened next.

-finis-

[citrineghost]

Humans Are Historically Known for Being Terrible

Hi I’m here with an opinion today. Let’s see how many words it will take for me to adequately get it across on this very fine 15th of January

I personally believe canceling things from the past* is fruitless, pointless, and accomplishes about as much as censorship does

*We aren’t talking about shit like nazi Germany, let me elaborate further

So, as I occasionally do, I have seen a post on my dash today criticizing something historical that people are ‘problematically partaking in.’ That thing today was the wellerman sea shanty due to its ties with colonialism, slavery, and so forth. 

I’m not going to dive into this specific example, because I don’t know enough of the details and am not interested in going to find them out because I’m not planning to defend it or its history, so there’s no point. I learned what I needed to know from said callout post and it’s enough to work with.

To me, it is important that we remember that people, in general, have been historically pretty terrible.

There’s colonialism, there’s slavery (of all kinds, including chattel), there’s thievery, murder, genocide, sexism, the murdering of queers. There’s lying, manipulation, propaganda, and so many more things that I couldn’t possibly list them all. I’m not saying that everyone was equally shitty. I am aware that, especially in the most recent couple hundred years, white people, especially Western Europeans and Americans, have been pretty Shite.

Am I excusing them for their actions? Absolutely not. I think it is always important to bear in mind the way they played a part in cultures’ growth, death, and, ultimately, development from one year to the next.

The reason I’m pointing this out is because the result of people being historically shitty is that most, if not all, of our historical content, our history, is steeped in horse manure. 

There is not one thing you can enjoy from centuries - even decades - passed that is not here because of something inhumane, unjust, or otherwise terrible.

The only thing keeping us from canceling every other historical thing that we enjoy is our lack of awareness of how each thing ties into the whole mess.

So, we’ve learned that wellerman was sung by slavers and thieves and colonialists. What about that nice little folk song from uh, idk, Ireland or something? Let’s take this metaphorical song and ask the question, “who wrote it?” The truth is, for many folk songs, we just don’t know. There is a very very good chance that 90+ percent of nice, soft folk songs about lying in the grass or feeding chickens or baking bread for your spouse were written by racists, sexists, abusers, homophobes, and so forth.

Does that make it wrong to enjoy that song about lying in the grass and looking at the stars? I don’t think so. No one is profiting off of you listening to it, regardless of who wrote it. It’s hundreds of years old. Do you even know the name of who wrote it?

Remembering that times were different may not absolve something of its wrongdoing, but it does provide us context.

We have to allow ourselves to admit that most, if not all, historical things, came from or benefitted from atrocities or injustices that we would not stand for today. That’s just how human progression works. Frankly, if people 200 years from now don’t look at US, CURRENTLY, and think we’re terrible assholes, I am actually very concerned by that. 

The nature of humanity is to get better and better over time and to build a world and a society where we don’t feel the need to be controlled by greed or to consume unethically. The problem is, it takes time. It takes lots and lots of time. Would it take less time if certain people weren’t terrible, terrible people? Yes it would. But they are, and so it doesn’t.

The fact is, human progression and improvement will never reach its end because, as things improve, our perception of our past actions will change as well and we will begin to realize that what we were doing wasn’t acceptable and is no longer necessary nor excusable. 

Hate Jeff Bezos? Look around and see that 90% of people still buy from Amazon, because it provides the only affordable source of many products for people who don’t make enough money under capitalism to buy from a small business.

Hate Bill Gates? How many of us are willing to switch to Linux to quit using Microsoft? Speaking of Microsoft, they own Minecraft. Do we stop playing Minecraft?

Think Steve Jobs is a terrible person? Why are people still buying iphones, ipads, and macs? Why don’t we stop buying those so that he and current CEO, Tim Cook, quit making billions of dollars?

These are just a tiny amount of examples, using big names. We also must consider, if you have 100 books on your bookshelf, how many of the writers of those books are racists, homophobes, sexists, or abusers? I guarantee you it’s a non-zero answer. The thing is, an author who’s relatively nobody is not someone who gets canceled. No one knows anything about them but that they wrote a neat work of fiction and it’s a good book.

The question is, should we be expected to quit buying, consuming, and enjoying things made by problematic people?

In some cases, the answer should be yes. If someone is currently profiting massively from people consuming their media or products and people are ignoring their atrocities, that person could end u making millions or billions of dollars despite being terrible, which is something that undoubtedly affects all of us, economically.

In the other cases, the answer should be, do you want to? If you’re not comfortable with something, you should, of course, stop consuming it. If you can ignore the thing, you might not need to bother. And, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re excusing it.

If we look at all of humanity, even in the present day, mathematically speaking, 50% of people are more bigoted and terrible than the rest. There’s no other way for it to be. Less than 50% would be a mathematical fallacy. Does that mean we only consume content from the better 50%? Does that mean we rigorously research producers and creators and their personal lives only to decide it’s not worth the risk of ��contributing’ because they have no trace online except for a private Facebook account? Is them having a Facebook account enough of a ‘sin’ that it’s not worth it to buy their book?

This brings us to the censorship point

If you know your history, you know that censorship is a nasty thing. When one person decides who or what is unethical to consume from, they sometimes seek to get rid of that thing so that no one has a choice - so that no one is Allowed to consume that thing.

This has led to book burning, the destroying of decades and centuries of research about sexuality and gender. It’s destroyed religious texts. It’s destroyed content created by women that painted any single man in a bad light. It’s destroyed progression.

“But I only want to get rid of the bad thing that everyone agrees is bad!”

It doesn’t matter. If you open the door to censorship for yourself, those who wish to use it for worse reasons will become just as justified, in their own eyes, to do the same. You’ll have Christians saying it’s okay to get rid of gay content because it’s objectively wrong according to the bible. You’ll have conservative parents burning books with complicated topics like abuse and assault because they don’t want their children to have access to anything controversial or complex like that.

You cannot open the door to censorship for one group without opening that door for everyone. And that is why we do not censor things.

The question then becomes, but what of the people consuming that media? Even if it’s not censored, consuming it still makes someone bad, right? 

Not necessarily. People consume problematic stuff all the time - things considered objectively bad. However, people don’t always consume said media because they support it being normalized in the real world. For example, fanfiction or books with rape in them may be something a victim reads to cope with their own past or present. A book with abuse depicted may actually make a young teen aware that what they’re going through is abuse. Content largely seen as ‘problematic’ can often play a part in solving the problem it portrays.

Then there’s historical, problematic media. Now, this is an area where I feel things have actually been OVER complicated.

Because everything historical has some tie to injustice, there is no ethical way to consume it. 

There is no ethical consumption under passed time.

So, how do we judge whether something should or shouldn’t be consumed? It is my opinion that something historical should stop being consumed and become shunned when its meaning is well-known enough and its message is still pervasive enough that it is actively causing problems.

For example, we generally try not to consume content when it is made by someone who is a known nazi. This is because nazis are still a problem in our society, presently. We have antisemitism all over the place. Therefore, we cannot let the message become that it is okay to be a nazi by way of us treating nazis like normal people and allowing them to succeed in society without consequence.

However, there are certain problems that are no longer particularly prevalent or which are agreed to be terrible on a large enough scale that consuming the content does not necessarily imply you believe it is okay. For example, if you look at literally any media from the 1800s or which is placed in the 1800s, you will see a lot of casual sexism and gender roles. Should we despise that time period because sexism was readily available at every turn? Should we refuse to enjoy 19th century fashion or culture because it had problems? I think not. I think it would be pointless to refuse to consume, read about, or otherwise engage with the 19th century. It wouldn’t change the past and it isn’t going to somehow undo the progress we’ve made on women’s rights. 

As a matter of fact, if someone merely suggested that perhaps the people of the 19th century were right for forcing women to wear long dresses and darn socks all day, they would be laughed into oblivion and called a shitty, sexist incel (which would be correct).

Does enjoying media from or placed in the 19th century mean you support sexism? I certainly hope not, since I enjoy it very much and know a lot of progressive people, women especially, who do enjoy that kind of thing. It is common sense enough, at this point in time, that people don’t generally believe that the sexism of the 1800s was acceptable. I am not going to see someone watching a period drama and assume they desire for our present-day social laws to be like what’s portrayed. That would be a ridiculous assumption. However, I could not assume the same about someone I saw watching openly antisemitic content. I would quickly wonder if they’re an antisemite/nazi/white supremacist.

So, what about that one thing I heard had a sordid past?

Listen, if we’re being honest here, most things from history have a sordid past. Sea shanties? You bet. But then when we talk of sea shanties being steeped in colonialism, we have to look at the bigger picture. What about pirates? Pirates were, by and large, a huge contributor to slavery, theft, colonialism, and murder. Does that mean enjoying media with pirates is glorifying or contributing to slavery, theft, colonialism, and murder?

(I’m about to talk a lot about pirates but this can be applied to anything that was historically bad but is no longer prevalent)

Pirates of the Caribbean is only a movie, but pirates did once exist and they did kill people. They did raid ships of merchants and tradesmen and they killed them and stole their goods. They took many good men from their families and even killed working children aboard the ships. Does that make enjoying pirates in media a contributor to these things? No. It doesn’t. We are looking at a dramatised, cleaned up version of the original piracy. I think most people are aware that pirates, in the real world, are bad and harmful and should not be supported. That doesn’t make pirate media any less fun in theory, and under our own terms.

Then we arrive at our perception - because most of this does come down to perception. When you watch pirate media, should you enjoy that, are you able to divorce yourself from their actual history enough to enjoy the media? If you can, you might enjoy it a lot. If you can’t watch a movie about pirates without thinking the entire time about how terrible they were and how much damage they did, then pirate media just isn’t right for you. But, it doesn’t mean you should attempt to take it away from others. Your opinion and perception of pirate media is not the global perception.

I have to ask, do you think others view it the same way you do?

When you read that question, you may be wondering what exactly I mean. What I’m asking is, do you believe others view that media with the same “clarity” that you do? Do you believe they understand the atrocity of real pirates and Feel that the entire time they watch the media and still enjoy it anyway?

Perhaps that’s why your response to someone enjoying something you feel guilty partaking in is, “these people all must not care about the real-world damage pirates did. The fact that they can watch this (despite sitting here and feeling the same things I do) makes me sick.”

However, if that is the case, you must remember that for a lot of people, the awareness of real world consequence is suspended during dramatised depictions of it. It doesn’t mean they have forgotten about the real-world consequences of piracy or that they don’t know it at all. It just means they are choosing not to think about it in that light while consuming media.

There is also the assumption that people must not know about something when partaking in it. You may think, “How can they enjoy this media? They wouldn’t be able to stomach it if they realized what really happened with pirates.”

In many instances, you would be correct. A lot of people are ignorant to what pirates have done in the real world. If you told every ignorant person the truth, maybe 5% of them would then become turned off by pirate media, and the other 95% would keep the truth in mind and then divorce themselves from it to continue enjoying said media.

There are realities that it is safe to divorce yourself from, and there are those that are not.

Is allowing yourself to enjoy dramatizations of pirates making you ignorant to present day conditions? Not largely. There are still pirates today, but not nearly enough for the average Joe to need to take them seriously. Those who need to know about them and do something to stop them are aware.

However, it is not safe to divorce yourself from, for instance, the holocaust. Divorcing yourself from the holocaust and seeing it as merely a dramatic setting with dramatic events and not a present-day real-world problem is exactly the kind of thing that leads to young teens being sucked in by white supremacy and naziism as well as what leads to many average conservatives believing the rise in white supremacy isn’t actually real or is not a big deal. They have distanced themselves so far from the real-world atrocity of the holocaust that they have forgotten it was real and that real people, like them, were contributors. They don’t want to believe that everyday people had any power in it and that it was tiny acts of willful ignorance that made concentration camps so successful. 

All in all, there is a different answer for everything we consume.

Want to know if something you’re consuming is okay to consume? Ask yourself: is this produced by someone who is contributing to present-day conditions? If the answer is yes, quit consuming it. If the answer is no, ask yourself, does this media make me uncomfortable because I’m aware of its roots? If the answer is yes, stop consuming it. If the answer is no, it’s probably fine. You are most likely not doing any damage, so long as you are aware of what is wrong with the content and are not using it as grounds to perpetuate harm. 

If, when thinking about something problematic in an old piece of media, you cringe? You’re on the right track. If you feel inclined to make excuses for it or justify the wrong in it, it’s time to step away and reevaluate why you feel the need to do so. If you’re doing so because you feel guilty for consuming it, you need to realize that it is actually more harmful to make excuses for the wrong in order to justify your consumption than it is to admit, “Yeah, this media is problematic and contains a lot of sexism, but I still enjoy it for its other qualities.” It is better to admit that you enjoy something problematic than to spread the message that what is happening in it is okay.

Some of you may be thinking, “Or, just stop consuming problematic media.”

I think in many cases, especially recent media, where your consumption has an effect on production, this is true. However, for media that is no longer being produced, I will remind you that most things have something wrong with them - yes, even pretty recent stuff.

Supernatural kills off women constantly, queerbaited the fuck out of its viewers, and sent a huge character to fucking mega hell for confessing his love.

Scrubs has no end to its sexism, transphobic and homophobic slur usage, and other problematic content.

V for Vendetta glorifies and shines a heroic light on a character who kidnaps and tortures a woman for what appeared to have been weeks or months so that she would be forced to understand his trauma and “no longer be afraid.”

Star Wars has incest, the producers/directors abused Carrie Fisher and sexualized her as a young teen, and probably a lot more that I’m not aware of because I haven’t seen the movies nor read the books.

I don’t even need to start on shows like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Community, That 70s Show, and so many more. Almost every popular piece of media has something worth canceling in it. There is no point trying to curate your media consumption to only unproblematic content, because it simply can’t be done.

Curate where it makes a difference. Sigh heavily the rest of the time. Make yourself aware what and how things are problematic. Put critical thought into how your consumption is capable of supporting or perpetuating a problem and how it is not. Make informed decisions.

Do not feel guilty if you are unable to flawlessly live up to the standards of purity culture. None of us can - not really.

[sepublic]

Something that I do think is very delicate and very good work the Owl House crew is doing is balancing the thematics of when characters actually mess up versus surviving and being scared. Amity is a good example. Amity bulling Willow and the burning of her memories - very bad, with problems happening and the narrative tags her on that. It is distinctly shown as bad. Her not fighting her parents - carefully neutral. It's not a good thing but it's not a moral failing.

I think that same treatment might have also happened with Lilith actually. Her cursing Eda, nearly killing Luz and general not being a good person? When did she actually succeed at anything this season? But her attempting to hide her betrayal from Belos? Lilith is a coward so it's not a good thing - but in contrast to how that fed into Eda's curse and everything else... Nothing additional is added on to events for the cowardice. Just the already present ramifications of the betrayal Nothing more

-

           It ties into yet another major theme of this show; About how the system can be incredibly skewed towards people, and sets individuals and groups at each other’s throats just to survive! Indeed, a lot of people ARE forced, or at least encouraged and enabled, to do terrible things just to get through in life… Lilith did claim that she and Eda came from humble beginnings- And given how presitigious the Emperor’s Coven is framed, membership there could be seen as a means of escaping poverty for some!

           Of course, individual accountability, as I’ve said before- It IS a thing, and even if you had reasons and the system was definitely enabling you… You’re still guilty, and one must acknowledge this! Amity acknowledges, maturely, that she was too harsh to Willow… But unfortunately, she’s a bit too harsh when she blames herself for not outright defying her parents, like she’s not a little kid who’s desperately trying to survive abuse!

           It leads into this question of where you draw the line, of someone just trying to survive and doing the most reasonable, pragmatic thing… And when even if they WERE doing what was best for them, they still screwed someone over and hurt them? Even if someone were to cross that line… Well, it doesn’t ALWAYS have to be impossible to fix things, or at least make them better! We see that with Lilith…

           And it gets to this theme of addressing the systemic cause and root of an issue! That sure, these people are still to blame… But in the end, punishing them isn’t productive, and while getting them to change their behavior helps; More people are gonna keep doing bad things if the system is still around! That in the end, it’s everybody’s top priority to dismantle an inherently oppressive and corrupt system! THAT is the main target, that’s the source of it all; And once you take it out, you can properly focus on mending those who HAVE been hurt and/or encouraged by the system… Without having to worry about more issues coming, further down the line.

           It’s kind of like how Luz is someone who gets to the ‘root’ (ba-dum tsss) of the issue between Amity and Willow, instead of just letting Amity speedrun through the damage and going back to how things adversarially, or at least neutrally and painfully, were- Luz says NO, we’re discussing why you and Willow severed ties, and for both your sakes, we’re confronting this! Even if you won’t be friends again, it’s still going to be better than what’s been going on beforehand… And it’ll probably mean that you won’t hurt other people for similar reasons, and Willow herself won’t be in as much pain!

           In contrast, Lilith is a character who doesn’t tackle the root cause of an issue… She instead focuses on symptomatic things because that’s easier for her! She doesn’t really consider why she cursed Eda, or at least tackle the cause of this, her own insecurity… Instead, Lilith just keeps deprecating herself! She doesn’t consider the root cause of Eda being distant with her, Lilith just focuses on the fact that Eda IS and tries to incentivize her sister to join the Emperor’s Coven, without actually reflecting on her support for such a corrupt group!

           But as you said; While Lilith is definitely to blame for a LOT, the Coven System isn’t exactly helping issues either, and laid the foundations for her sins. And sometimes, the way the system is set up… You can’twin, it’s a lose-lose scenario. No matter which Magic Track you choose, you’re still losing most of your magic; If you choose to be a Wild Witch and embrace free magic and individuality, you’re also persecuted! And if you join the Emperor’s Coven, you become a corrupt enforcer and a covenscout!

           The most people can do is just… Lose as little as possible. Minimize losses. That’s what Luz and the others did in the Season Finale, right? Because in the end… They lost a lot of things! They lost Luz’s way back home and her contact with her mother… They lost all of Eda’s magic, and most of Lilith’s! Luz says it herself, she lost… But then, she may as well ensure that while her own losses are minimized, Belos’ are maximized. If Luz can’t win, she may as well try to take the system down with her. Sometimes you can’t always ask for more, sometimes you just have to hold onto what you have, and appreciate it… And Luz is someone who already does this anyway, so it hurts to see this happen to her!

           With Lilith, it’s a bit more karmic as she still needed to address her support of Belos and his corruption; But even then, it’s worth noting that openly defying the Emperor himself has a lot of consequences that she’s intimately aware of. Even if you’re critical of someone for doing bad things to survive, in the end, sometimes you just don’t want them to keep them suffering… Because wasn’t suffering the reason why so many people did so many terrible things? Tearing down what others have or gained isn’t productive, but building things up IS…

           Of course, sometimes- The only thing to do is tear down! Specifically, the corrupt system that caused all of this… Whether Belos gets to survive and change for the better is irrelevant for now, because the Coven System hasto go! There is no keeping it around, and maybe there IS making it better, as Lilith may have aimed to do… But really, the only way to improve upon the Coven System is to delete it entirely, or reform it well past recognition!

           In the end, it’s for the best of a person to tackle their own issues; But sometimes, you just can’t bear to be too harsh or critical on them, for not being their absolute best! Sometimes a person not hurting others is enough… And it’s why people like Luz, who are so productive, can help people! Luz recognizes a problem and KNOWS it’s bad and treats it as such, and is intent on keeping it from ever happening again… But she also recognizes that holding a grudge isn’t necessarily going to make things better!

          Sometimes you have to focus on what you DID manage to at least do, or not do (such as not hurting someone). Give yourself some space to breathe, because even if what happened was bad, you need to at least give yourself a little credit because you’re just trying to survive in a system that’s skewed against you! And once you’ve caught your breath… As we see with encouragement from people like Luz; THEN you can focus on improving things! Every little step and bit of progress helps, don’t be TOO critical for not immediately fixing things, or doing what others have done.

          As long as you make the intent and effort to be better or at least stop doing worse, and then work from there… It’s good. Because sometimes, you can’t make things better, and can’t improve on them, nor hold onto what you already have… Sometimes, all you can do, as seen with Amity and how she handled Willow in the past- Is try to minimize your losses. And know that while what happened is bad, it’s important not to be too critical of oneself, and to ultimately focus energy into eventually fixing things, or at least finding an opportunity to do so… Or again, managing to salvage and protect what you DO have; Which is imperative for Amity, as she really needed to learn to at least protect her own sense of self-worth.

           Sometimes, all you can ask of yourself or a person, is to survive… And while what happened was indeed objectively bad, maybe the person themselves isn’t too terrible… Or at least, there’s room for understanding, and using that understanding to tackle the root cause of the issue, even if that understanding won’t necessarily lead to forgiveness. Mostly, it’s better to just focus on what productive things you can do- And when the chance comes to make things better, as seen with Lilith, or Amity… You better take it, because you don’t know if another chance is ever coming around!

          You’d better take that chance, if you really DO feel bad about what happened, even if you did ‘have no other choice’, because that means instead of beating yourself up or trying to reset what can’t be undone, you’re instead focused on preventing more incidents and tragedies from coming! And in the end… Is that not enough, or at least all you can do? Just as Eda can’t repair or undo her trauma in life, nor seize that education she deserved… The least she can do is ensure that people like Luz at least get to have that missed opportunity!

          If you can’t help yourself, you may as well help somebody else…! Eda or the Bat Queen can’t erase what was done to them, but they can at least pave the road so others later down the line can have something better, and never experience what they had to suffer. It’s just how Luz is someone who can’t undo her past ostracization from society; But she can work to change the system so that nobody else has to feel alone, nor left out! It’s because she went through terrible things that she’s so insistent on others being excluded from such experiences, and it goes to show how Luz really DID learn from what happened- Even if she shouldn’t have gone through it to begin with! Really, you just gotta work with what you have, even if it’s not ideal.

[ranibell]

Disney Fairies Shipping Rant

(Warning: unpopular opinions ahead. You may disagree, but I’ll defend my opinions! I don’t mean offense to any of the people who like certain pairings in this series--what you like isn’t a reflection of you as a person, or your intelligence or heart, it’s that simple--I just have a hard time understanding why it is some of these are as popular as they are.)

I marked 4 “NOTPs” on that shipping meme, and...let’s talk about it, I guess!

I’ll start simple. Tink/Bobble:

This was particularly big back in the day with the first couple of TB movies before the majority latched onto Tink/Vidia. I never really “got it” but for the most part I wouldn’t have ever had reason to dislike them as a ship if it hadn’t been for the shippers themselves...

I liked Terence as a character, as well as his relationship with Tink, and the Bobble/Tink fans were very vocal about disparaging Terence in favor of Bobble, when that’s really unnecessary. It’s possible to like an underrated character without the need to bash a popular one just because you’re personally not interested in them.

I basically won’t go into it any more than I have in the past--after I did a two-part video reading of comments on this one Tink/Bobble fan art piece, I wrote up my feelings here and it still stands up. Basically the sight of the ship leaves a bad taste in my mouth not because of the characters involved themselves, but by the attitude the ship seemed to be entirely based on.

The only thing I would add is that I ship Bobble/Clank and to me, they’re as good as an old married couple that just wasn’t confirmed because it’s Disney :(

Clarion/Milori:

What can I even say? I’ve ranted extensively on my old blog, but to rehash, here’s the deal: There was no reason Milori’s character needed to be invented in the first place. The major plot holes and inconsistencies in The Secret of the Wings seemed to have prompted his becoming a character, but I think more importantly it was for the cliche, forced “forbidden romance” sub-plot between him and Clarion.

They didn’t need to replace the female Minister of Winter from her position to bring in this Lord of Winter, his role and existence wasn’t properly set up, and his backstory + relationship with Queen Clarion wasn’t developed at all, they just relied on the fact that having a tragically star-crossed love interest who’s attractive is enough for people to accept at face value.

And they were right, I guess... 🙄

So again, for me it’s not that the pairing of these two characters in inherently a bad thing, but it has never tracked for me that such an underdeveloped, boring pairing is one of the most popular in the fanbase, like most people just accepted it because it was canon and I’m like “we’re allowed to....NOT ship canon pairings, if they add nothing to the characters and story...you don’t have to just accept it”

Zarina/James:

This is another one that is a majorly popular ship in the fanbase, and to me it’s similar to shipping Anna with Hans, but possibly even worse. He manipulated her and tried to get away with murdering her. In James’ case, he emotionally/psychologically manipulated Zarina for A YEAR before betraying her and then tossing her into the sea to die.

There are a lot of people who think Hans should be able to have a redemption plotline, and I’ll make no comment about that, but the big difference between him and James is that we KNOW Hook will never be redeemed. We know he has never and will never feel remorse about his actions or treatment of Z.

He goes on to become the most fearsome pirate of all time, murdering without second thought--and still goes on to manipulate Tink and capture her in a lantern, because, I quote, “a jealous female can be tricked into anything.” His line in TPF mirrors this attitude (“Fairies are such gullible creatures”) so like....he is and will always be a misogynist who never held respect for Z or Tink or any fairy/female.

Also, The Pirate Fairy was as poorly written as SotW if not more so, and Z herself wasn’t a well-developed character, so I should say “to each their own” for anyone who wanted to believe there was chemistry between Z + James and ship them, but it’s gross and disgusting and wrong. (no offense)

Tink/Vidia:

Back to something much less sinful, but even more heretical within this fanbase. Vidia is one of THE most popular fairies from the movies, and Tink/Vidia is one of the most popular ships. That’s fine. My stance happens to be different, because I guess I don’t view things the exact same way.

Vidia was cruel to Tink at first--and she’s nowhere near as bad as James; she’d never seriously want to hurt/kill somebody. But even after she is redeemed from her antagonist position....she’s honestly still pretty b*tchy to her so-called “friends.” I won’t be forgetting the scene in Legend of the Neverbeast anytime soon when Gruff sneezes/gets snot on them, Rosetta says “ew, my mouth was open!” and Vidia replies “It’s always open.” Like, there’s just no need for that, ever, it’s mean-spirited and didn’t need to be said, it didn’t help anything.

People seem to love sarcastic characters with a secret heart of gold, but I just can’t dig the way Vidia is treated like this amazing character just because she didn’t turn out to be genuinely evil, no matter how her attitude stayed. In the books, her character is more interesting to me--and she’s portrayed as a mean person, but also she knows it and the narrative doesn’t treat her like one of the girls who, oh, it’s just okay that she treats her friends poorly!

So yeah, Tink/Vidia never sat right with me. Also, within the books, they actually hate each other, not even like a sassy frenemy relationship, they can’t stand each other. Tink does NOT have a lot of patience--she would never stand for Vidia’s nasty attitude and just not call her out on it every time. They would never work in a relationship.

So, the reason people will hate me for having this opinion is because many seem to embrace Vidia as this lesbian icon (like those posts about how if she was your favorite fairy growing up, you’re gay) and Tink/Vidia as this natural pairing to come from their interaction in the movies. Lots of people automatically ship it, and I can see the distaste toward Tink/Terence as if it’s the boring, straight ship with no merit besides being basically canon.

Nobody has to ship Tink/Terence if it’s not their thing--I happen to like them, but they objectively have a LOT of development throughout the books, films and other media. More so than any of the canon ships like Clarion/Milori which people ATE UP even though they had NO development. If you ship Clarion/Milori and think Tink/Terence is boring, ya basic and hypocritical, but I digress.

What I mean to say is that if you’re not into Tink/Terence or basic, overhyped “straight” ships in general, your other option is not immediately Tink/Vidia. I’m bisexual myself, so it’s not like I’m anti-Vidibell because of homophobia or something. I really enjoy and appreciate f/f and m/m ships as well, and there are so many amazing fairies to ship Tink with who would have a more healthy and beautiful dynamic--which I think...good representation is better? Just me??

Tink had a lot of chemistry with Silvermist, in fact, someone who is genuinely kind and caring for Tink and vice versa. Tink/Sil is probably the most beautiful and natural pairing in the whole movie series, and it’s like no one has ever even CONSIDERED it because it’s so much more entertaining to have an enemies-to-lovers dynamic with the fairy who was mean to Tink, rather than the one who objectively cared the MOST.

Also, Tink and Zarina--they had a helluva dynamic in TPF. Stay hydrated with a drinking water game every time there’s a potential moment to read into wrt shipping them in that film. But then people want to ship Zarina with a man who tried to kill her instead.

So that’s the thing--I’m not mad at Tink/Bobble and Tink/Vidia because they go against Tink/Terence, but because of the attitude about it when arguably there are way better options than the ones people promote and those ones get entirely ignored and overlooked. It just grinds my gears. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you ship these pairing, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings by calling them out like they’re these awful things--tbh the only one of these that I genuinely think is entirely and inherently bad in concept, is James/Z and I have no remorse if I offend anyone who ships that. Unfollow me, nasty.

To explain that in practice: if a picture of Clarion/Milori, Tink/Vidia or Tink/Bobble is cute, I’m still gonna reblog it and even tag it for those who enjoy the ships, because it doesn’t hurt me or anyone even if it’s not my taste. If J/Z is ever even implied I’m blocking people XD

[pamphletstoinspire]

Third Sunday After Epiphany by Father Francis Xavier Weninger, 1876

“Lord, if Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean.”–Matt. 8: 2.

The leper of whom we read in today’s Gospel believes that Christ has the power to heal him, and he is not mistaken; Christ, stretching forth His hand, said: “I will, be thou made clean!”

What leprosy is to the body, that sin is to the soul. Many of the children of the Church, many who call upon Jesus, are covered with this leprosy. They believe in His Power and Will to cleanse them from sin, and yet they are not cleansed, and why not? Because they do not earnestly will it.

It often happens that the sinner, while apparently desirous of conversion, has in reality not the will. And why? That is the question we shall answer today. O Mary, thou purest of the pure, pray that we may be filled with a true desire to be cleansed from the leprosy of sin, through Jesus Christ our Lord! I speak in the most holy name of Jesus, to the greater glory of God!

“Lord, if Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean,” cried the leper. How much more natural it is for us children of the Church to address Christ in these words, since we know so much better than the leper in the Gospel who Jesus is, and why He came into the world.

The leper did not doubt that Christ possessed the power to heal him, but he was not certain of Christ’s willingness to perform a miracle. In regard to the leprosy of sin, we have no reason to doubt Christ’s willingness to cleanse us. For this He came into the world, for this He sacrificed Himself on the cross, for this He gave His blood and life, for this He established His Church. Do not the Apostles teach us to say: “I believe in the forgiveness of sins?” To give us a remedy against sin, Christ called us to His holy Church, freed us in baptism from the inherited leprosy of our nature, and gave us access to all the Sacraments, those fountains of grace for the purification of souls.

Verily then Jesus is willing. If we are not cleansed, in whom lies the fault? In ourselves. The sinner is wanting in real sincerity and in the earnest desire of being cleansed. And why? Because he feels his own misery too imperfectly. He is not sufficiently disgusted with sin; he is not thoroughly penetrated with fear at the consequences of sin.

The leper was disgusted with himself. Leprosy is, as is well known, a revolting disease, and everyone is careful to avoid those who are stricken with it. But what is such a disease compared to the disfigurement of sin, which makes us resemble Satan in repulsiveness? Not only mortal, but even venial sin is leprosy. Not a moral fault but is more disgusting to God than all the ulcers and sores in the whole world.

Could the sinner but see himself, were he aware of how his soul is deformed by sin, how intense would be his desire, how great his haste to go to Jesus and beg of Him to be cleansed. Unfortunately, the sinner is seldom thoroughly conscious of his deplorable state. He generally believes that his moral condition is not so bad, and, regarding his sins as human weaknesses, consoles himself with the thought that there are others who are worse. He fails to consider God’s horror of sin, the disgust of the angels and saints, who have reason to be ashamed of him if he regards himself in communion with them, or perhaps even calls them his brothers and his sisters. He does not realize that the sight of his sins drives away his guardian angel, all angels, in fact, and saints. He never thinks of the misfortune into which sin has precipitated him, robbing his good works of all merit, and rendering him unable to earn anything for heaven; how sin has opened the gates of hell, so that he is liable at any moment to fall into the abyss, where he must bewail in eternal torments those sins which he here committed with so little concern.

He who stains his soul with many venial sins can not consider how these prevent him from lessening the flow of divine grace, diminish his merits, how they augment the debt that is to be paid in purgatory. Moreover, he can not reflect on the danger his waywardness exposes him to of falling into grievous sin. The consequence of this thoughtlessness is that the sinner hastens not to seek Jesus, and to approach Him in the person of His minister to receive, after sincere repentance, the forgiveness of his transgressions.

Secondly.–The sinner goes to confession and apparently is desirous of being cleansed from the leprosy of his sin, but in reality he is very indifferent. How few of those to whom sin has become a habit–a class of sinners who especially resemble the leper–examine themselves conscientiously before confession on the number of their mortal sins and the circumstances that affect the nature of their transgressions. The leper feels day and night the misery of his disease, and knows every place where it has settled. The habitual sinner does not take the trouble to consider the evil of sin on his soul, and hardly deems it necessary to examine his conscience. Why? He is not really in earnest to be converted.

If it were a bodily illness he would immediately send for a physician, and explain minutely all the symptoms of his disease; but as the condition of his soul is a matter of little concern to him, he gives but a superficial account of its state, and not unfrequently makes a bad confession. It but seldom happens that a habitual sinner accuses himself fully and freely without aid from the priest. Jesus stretched out his hand and touched the leper. The priest should spiritually do the same to the sinner by his words, but as the sinner has not thoroughly opened his heart, the priest is not able to touch the affected parts and heal them by words of advice.

The sinner confesses, but he has not the earnest desire to make a frank and open declaration of his faults. He is satisfied with a lame, cursory accusation, hoping that the confessor will impart a speedy absolution, and not trouble him with many questions. He is not anxious about the future, how he may avoid relapses, anticipate temptations or combat them, when they do assault him, with effectual weapons.

The sinner, moreover, has not the determination to use the proper means to obtain grace and to advance in the ways of virtue, namely, prayer, spiritual reading, the reception of the Sacraments.

Happy are you, O sinner, if you are conscious that you are, earnest in your desire to be converted, to avoid all occasions of committing sin, and to resist temptations, so that you can truthfully say before Jesus and his minister: I will. Christ will say the same to you. And if you unite your will with His, do not doubt that you will be cleansed from the leprosy of your sin through Jesus Christ our Lord! Amen! 

THE LEPER–THE FAITH OF THE CENTURION

Once when Our Lord was coming down from a mountain, followed by a great crowd of people, He entered the city of Capharnaum. At the city gates there was a poor leper, who, bowing down profoundly, addressed Jesus and cried out: “Lord! if Thou wilt, Thou canst make me clean.”

Leprosy is a very filthy, disgusting disease. The whole body is covered with a false dry skin like scales, so that the person becomes a most hideous and loathsome object. In the East and in this country, too, leprosy is considered contagious, and the laws of sanitary boards separate people afflicted with it from those that are well, and will not allow lepers to come into the cities. This picture is but a very insignificant description of leprosy. You must see it to know how loathsome it really is.

When you read the description of leprosy think of that other kind of leprosy of the soul, for sin is the leprosy of the soul, and is as filthy and more so than the leprosy of the body. Yes, it is the leprosy of sin that makes the soul a horrible sight before God and the angels. The leprous souls that live in so many human bodies in cities and villages are not subject to any laws. They can remain where they please, and still we know that nothing is more contagious than the leprosy of sin. Thus it is that sin is continually growing and spreading, until we find it in every nook and corner of the world. How rare it is to find youths not infected with some vice or other! How few are untouched by this contagion, or who have preserved their baptismal innocence!

If you are already covered with the leprosy of sin, ah, then cry out: “Lord, you see how miserable my condition is! Heal me–cleanse me. You see that my mouth is infected because such bad words, blasphemies, and curses are continually flowing from it. You see, O Lord, that my body and my senses are infected with this terrible disease, for it induces the soul to commit the sins of impurity.” If you pray in this manner, humbly and confidently, you will hear in your soul the consoling words, “Yes, I will help you to overcome that vice. I will forgive you and give you the grace of remaining good.”

But Our Lord adds: “Go and show yourselves to the priest.” The priest is the minister of God. He will extend his hands over you, and you will be made whiter than snow. You will start up into a new life, in which you will acquire again the merits of your good actions, which would never have been any benefit to you unless you had thus repented. From slaves of Satan you will become adopted sons of God, co-heirs with Jesus Christ.

But remember well, my beloved children, that you must have a good will. St. Augustine says that God cures all evils, but only those which we really want to be cured.

The unhappy leper really wished to be healed, for he realized the sad condition he was in, and Jesus immediately extended His hand and touched him. We admire the power of Christ, for at once the whole body was healed. It was again full of vigor and health. Jesus did not give him time to burst out in sentiments of wonder, exultation or gratitude, but said: “See thou tell no man, but go, show thyself to the priest.” The man obeyed, and as he went he could not help letting people know what Jesus had done for him. The fame of this miracle spread about the country and drew many to look for help from Our Lord.

There was in Capharnaum a centurion, a soldier and a heathen, whose servant lay at the point of death. He came to Our Lord and laid his trouble before Him: “My servant lieth at home sick of the palsy, and is grievously tormented.” “I will come and heal him,” said Our Lord. But the centurion did not expect so great a favor; he repeated those admirable words: “Lord I am not worthy that Thou shouldst enter under my roof, but only say the word and my servant shall be healed.”

These words are so applicable to all poor sinners who are about to receive the visit of the Lord, that the Church has borrowed them and uses them three times when communion is to be given. “We should repeat them with a heart full of confusion, because even though we possessed the purity of an angel and the sanctity of John the Baptist, we would not be worthy to receive in our heart Our Lord Jesus. Therefore ought we do all in our power to be free from sin, that we might be the less unworthy to receive Jesus in the great Sacrament of His love.

There are few young people who are so impressed with the sublimity of this holy Sacrament that they approach it with sentiments of respect and veneration. On the contrary they generally go without proper dispositions. They do not endeavor to excite in themselves the sentiments of devotion and love of God which are required to make a good communion.

But there are many, too, who are unworthy to receive Jesus in their heart because their souls are blackened with crime. They defile their tongues with impure conversations, and they dare to receive on them the body of Christ. They defile their bodies with impurities and into these they dare to introduce the Holy of holies. They give scandal and they wish to receive Jesus.

They go to confession and if the priest refuse them absolution because he sees no signs of amendment, they go to another, who is easier, so that they may get through. How blind such young people are! They do not comprehend that they are making a bad communion.

Go, of course, frequently to communion, but do so with a pure heart, and free from sin, full of humility, reverence, and love. When the time approaches for communion, call on the angels, the archangels and all the holy spirits, and beg of them to accompany you to the banquet of Our Lord.

When Our Lord heard the humble words of the centurion He was struck with astonishment and said, “Amen, I say to you, I have not found so great a faith in Israel.” It was certainly a great act of faith, and that was the reason it drew on the centurion that commendation which the Lord seldom gave. The centurion trusted in the power and goodness of Our Lord. He knew, too, that it was not necessary for Our Lord to come to his house. He knew He was God, or at least had the power of God at His command. For this faith and trust Our Lord broke forth into unusual praise.

Even among faithful Christians it is rare to find those who really trust in God. They put trust in their friends, in their own smartness and strength, but they do not remember that they have a God at their command to whom they may go with all confidence. We trust too much to our friends in many things and even prefer them to God. Here is a young man who, meeting his companions, goes with them to lunch. It is Friday. The young man refuses to eat meat, but his companions persuade him. “Oh, eat it! What wrong can there be?” He yields, and the sin is committed.

Another meets a companion on the street. “Where are you going?” “To hear a sermon,” is the reply. “Oh, don’t be so foolish as to sit there to listen to such an insignificant preacher. That is good enough for doting old people or pious women. Come, let us go to the theatre. You will see nice things; you will laugh and be happier there than in church.” He goes out of friendship for his companion. He witnesses the derision of his religion, or immoral scenes; he sees many things that please the eye and stir his sensuality. He hears many improper things; his mind is filled with loose sayings and bad thoughts, and all this has happened simply to please a friend. You see then how obsequious you are to your friends, but of God and Christ you make no account.

When Our Lord had said the words of commendation to the centurion He added: “Many shall come from the east and the west and shall sit down with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven, but the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into the exterior darkness.” God is merciful to all; He calls all; but they must have the faith of the centurion. Then He turned again to the centurion and said, “Go, and as thou hast believed so be it done to thee.” That same moment the servant was healed, and when the centurion arrived home he found the man perfectly restored to health. Just reflect a moment on these words of Our Lord. “The children of the kingdom shall be cast out into the exterior darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Terrible words; but which will prove as true to many Christians as they were to many of the Jews. Not a day passes but many infidels and idolaters come to the faith, are converted, and enter the kingdom of God, while many Christians born in the faith, brought up and educated in it, perish miserably in eternal damnation. A damned soul once returned to the earth and asked whether there were any good people still on earth, for he had seen such innumerable multitudes going to hell that he thought there could not be one left.

St. Bernard understood so well the misery of those who went to hell that he used to say, “If out of all the human race, who number thousands of millions of souls, it were known that only one was to go to hell, I would tremble with fear lest I should be that miserable one.” O, my dear young people, let us make up our minds that we will not be of the number of the wicked Christians who will lose their places in heaven which were marked out for them from all eternity had they remained faithful. Are we, the sons of the kingdom, we, the adopted sons of God, to be excluded from our future heritage in heaven and thrown out into darkness? Oh, since the Lord has been so good to us that we have received the grace of being born in a Christian family, let us beg also the grace to remain faithful to Christ and love Him so dearly that we may enter the heavenly kingdom which is ours by right. At the same time knowing that many places are left vacant in heaven by bad Christians, let us beg Our Lord to send His light to the east and west and bring many to occupy these seats of glory. 

[natsubeatsrock]

Guide to Avoiding Fairy Tail Criticism

Fairy Tail is far from a perfect series. I'm not here to argue otherwise. I've made plenty of critiques about Fairy Tail over the years and I've been a strong proponent of people being allowed to say things they don't like about the series.

Though, as I watch the fallout of Hbomberguy's video on RWBY and how its fans are dealing with it, it's hard not to think about the stupid things people have said negatively about Fairy Tail. This series has its fair share of stupid, bad faith complaints repeated by critics over and over. While I've talked about some of these in the past, I think it's worth talking compiling a list of things that people who hate Fairy Tail say that I can't take seriously.

"Fairy Fail."

Let's just get this one out of the way. It's not clever in any way. I can't believe this has become as popular an insult as it has. I've seen so many people jokingly refer to this series with this name. No one who unironically uses this is genuinely interested in engaging the series on fair terms at all.

More than that, it's not even true. Despite any issues regarding the series, Fairy Tail is still a fairly popular series with fans, especially outside of Japan. It's one of Kodansha's most successful IPs of the 2000s. The fact that people put it on the same level as Shonen Jump's Big 3 is impressive. If this is what a failing series looks like, I can't imagine what success would look like for Mashima.

"Mashima didn't plan anything."

This is one I've fallen victim to in the past. To be fair, Mashima hasn't been the best at explaining this to his fans. For critics, it's easy to see that Mashima says he comes up with plot points as he goes. Of course, the reason this is a critique is that this is as far as many go.

As Mashima explains it, it's not that Mashima didn't have any plans for future events for the series and how future events would go. While he didn't start the series with many concrete plans aside from the basics, he has had plans for how the series would go. But rather than being fixed plans, Fairy Tail's decisions have been more fluid paths Mashima chooses to go down as the series continues.

This isn't a bad way to write a story. As a story progresses, you may realize that certain ideas may be less possible than others or things you've planned at the start make less sense than you originally thought. Again, the critique could be that Mashima's style of writing is responsible for some of the series' weaker moments. However, it's wrong to say that Mashima shot from the hip every week, as some people have described his writing. Luckily, Fairy Tail is the only series Mashima has written this way. Both Rave Master and Edens Zero have been planned more from the beginning.

"It's like One Piece, but worse."

I've seen it thrown around that Fairy Tail looks like One Piece. If that's all there was to it, I don't think this would be on this list. Despite what people tell you, Mashima was never an assistant for Eichiro Oda. Mashima got into the landscape without being anyone's assistant. That's easy to dismiss.

However, I've seen people argue that Fairy Tail is a poor attempt at trying to copy One Piece's formula. Ignore for a moment that Edens Zero is closer to following that model and even it isn't a copy. Or that every series this side of Dragon Ball has been accused of being similar to it and people have been doing the same with series after Naruto.

The focus of Fairy Tail isn't similar to that of One Piece. There is no grand treasure or giant goal that the series revolves itself around finding. A lot of the main conflicts to Fairy Tail present themselves less as threats to the individual goals of characters or but to the guild's existence.

"There is no point to Fairy Tail."

I've talked about this one in the past. One thing you'll see people say regarding Fairy Tail is that there wasn't a goal the series was getting to. People will often make the poor comparison to Bleach in this regard, despite Bleach's focus being Ichigo's growth towards being able to protect the people that care about him.

This is a point that even fans of the series miss. I've recently been describing Fairy Tail as a series told through the lens of its main characters about the guild. The focus isn't on how the Fairy Tail guild grows towards being the best, especially since they start at the top. We're meant to watch the characters in the guild as they interact with the world around them and the other guild members.

If that sounds like a weird way to run a series, it's not. Durarara has a similar setup but splits the focus from one core group of characters to several groups and individual characters split up across its main city. Its plot focuses on how each different group connects with each other in ways they don't know and we can't expect as viewers. I wish people would engage Fairy Tail criticism on this level because there are ways to criticize in its implementation of this. However, people see that there's no "I'm gonna be Hokage" or "I'm going to find the One Piece" plotline and think that the series has no point to it.

"Natsu/Lucy is a bad protagonist."

This is related to the last point. The series is less about how Natsu or Lucy achieve their specific goals and more about the guild after they meet each other and start working together. If the series were about those things, we'd get more time focusing on Natsu's search for Igneel or Lucy's growth in the guild. Once you understand what the series is about, the focus the series takes makes sense.

However, I want to spend some time explaining the functions that either character. Again. While the series is, for the most part, told through Lucy's perspective, Natsu is the main driving force of the series. The comparison I've been making for years now is the Sherlock Holmes stories. If Natsu is Sherlock Holmes, Lucy is Dr. Watson. Mashima's referred to both as the main character and the argument could be made that this focus expands to other main members of the Strongest Team.

"Juvia had no arc."

Yet another one I've been responsible for sharing. I've had a weird arc over the past few years of writing about Fairy Tail going from tacit defense to reluctant attacks to my current stance of nuanced critique. However, I've never been a huge fan of how Juvia's been written, despite liking Juvia herself. It's been thrown around that Juvia didn't have a real character or arc, especially outside of Gray.

Juvia's arc involves coming to experience love better. She goes from learning to love other people as friends to engaging with romantic love. She even gets the opportunity to share that love with others. While the focus of that arc becomes centered around Gray, it's not as if Juvia becomes less loving of others or that her arc focusing on Gray makes no sense considering he started her on the path of becoming more loving.

As much as I should sympathize with this argument, it's become a lot more annoying to see this kind of argument levied towards female characters. You're not seeing people argue that Jellal's change is too focused on Erza. I'm not even saying this as someone who loves how this has been played out in the series. It's just annoying to see at all.

"Watch Craftsdwarf's videos on Fairy Tail!"

I've talked about a few of the issues I have with the series already, but I keep seeing this brought up. I'll give credit where it's due. Craftsdwarf's "Overly Long Analytical Tirade on Fairy Tail" does make good points about the series. And considering it's broken up into different parts, it's more digestible than that rant about RWBY. I'm a big fan of the kind of media analysis videos and I've often linked some of my favorite videos in my posts here.

However, Craftsdwarf's videos aren't perfect. The videos come at the series from a hilariously uncharitable point of view, resulting in repeating many of the points I've already mentioned in this post. Their analysis of both Fairy Tail and Rave Master is often shallow and ill-formed. It might be helpful to watch the series to see a negative perspective about Fairy Tail. However, I worry that the points made in that series will be the foundation of future criticism of this series.

“Fairy Tail is the worst (popular) battle action shonen.”

It’s funny seeing this one levied towards plenty of series that aren’t Fairy Tail. People say this about Dragon Ball. People say this about the Big 3. People say this about other hits in Weekly Shonen Magazine like Seven Deadly Sins and Fire Force. People say this about the current popular stuff from WSJ like MHA and Black Clover. Fairy Tail is far from the first or last series to get this complaint.

Even ignoring how hilariously hard this is to quantify as objective fact as opposed to personal preference, I’ve noticed that most of the people making this claim don’t do the work to understand why things they don’t like happened. To be honest, I don’t know too many fans who are willing to do the same. A lot of fans have the infuriating mindset of “it’s bad, but I still like it”.

Despite whatever anyone tells you, Fairy Tail has internal logic outside of “nakama power”. Characters face genuine loss and win for logical reasons. Even if it’s not as consistent as fans would like it to be, I don’t think the anime/manga fandom is worse for this series being as popular and beloved as it is.

Let me know if I forgot any or if you’ve heard another one.

[magic8realism]

Chapter 1: Therapy

It was an all too familiar experience, sitting there with nothing but the sound of deafening silence. How many times has it been now? Eight? Nine? Maybe less? Was it sensible to keep count? No, she promised herself she would not entertain such thoughts. She reminded herself that she was here to get better. Yes, that is precisely what Michaela told her. She needed to get better, but was that even possible? Is it possible for someone who had been through what she had gone through to get better? Michaela said she should not give up, that she had made some excellent progress, but her mind knew that Michaela had no idea that it was all an act, a false persona. People need to put an act sometimes to get by. Life demands it. Certain professions would not allow its occupants to survive without it. Her situation was not different.

“Miss. Collins, are you okay? You haven’t said anything for a while now.”

Her eyes darted towards the blond middle-aged woman sitting right across from her. Mary Grove was her name, was it? Michaela told her she was the best therapist in the city. Her friend did say the same thing about other therapists before her, yet not a single one of them had been able to help her. Maybe she was a hopeless case. Maybe she should just accept the fact that she would never overcome the experience and just give in. It would be nice, leaving this world with all its troubles. The ironic thing was that her traumatic experience had left her brain so fragmented and incapable of aligning its contradictory demands that she would no longer know if death was really what it wanted. She would find herself at one point at the pit of a spiral of depression so intense that she would wish she was dead. Her sadistic mind would even go on to devise one method after another in search of the best way to go. A few moments later it would recoil in terror. Her heartbeat would race, her whole body would start to convulse and her chest would struggle to fill her lungs with air. The episode would go on and off for hours until it totally annihilated her grip on reality and sent her crawling into a corner to wait for her impending doom.

“Lesly are you okay?”

No, she was not okay. No one in this god-forsaken city was okay. What made this woman believe anyone was okay? Isn’t that what they say any way? That every single individual suffers from an issue of sorts?  

“Do you need me to get you anything?” Mary asked with a concerned look on her face.

“I’m fine,” Lesly finally decided to answer.

Mary nodded her head, acknowledging the response she was given. She started scribbling on her notebook before she finally decided to address her newest patient, “Shall we continue?”

When Leslie smiled emptily in response to Mary’s question, Mary proceeded, her gaze cantered undividedly on Leslie, “Michaela told me about your situation, but I would like to hear your story.”

Oh yes, the story, that god-awful story. She must have told that story like a hundred times. Although she would like nothing more than to forget it, her brain would make sure to remind her every once in a while. True to its sadistic streak, her brain would not only reminisce on the moments when she was most helpless and scared but would also make her relive every excruciating detail of that experience every chance it gets. Nightmares were quite common and as awful as they were, they were still preferable to the far more harrowing and intrusive flashbacks. Yes, sharing the story should be a breeze. Why would she object to telling it?

“You already know it. Why go through it again?” Lesly answered dryly.

“That’s fine. We won’t discuss it then,” Mary responded with a smile. It seemed that she had had her fair share of difficult patients before Lesly showed up.  

“How’s work Lesly?”

Was Mary trying to approach the problem from a different direction now? Lesly had encountered that strategy a lot, especially when she was reticent. It was obvious what Mary was trying to do.

“You are familiar with my line of work,” Lesly answered calmly.

“Michaela told me you are a brilliant lawyer.”

Brilliant indeed. She could barely afford these sessions. Ever since the death of her younger brother seven years ago, she had been suffering this overwhelming guilt that robbed her of sleep. That guilt would only be eased a little when she distracted herself with work. However, it was not long before she lost the sense of comfort that work gave her. Every case she took made her feel miserable, not only because some clients proved to be the absolute worst human beings on earth, but also because she was the reason the people who really needed help found themselves financially crippled soon afterwards. Eventually, she began taking more cases pro bono. She convinced herself that she was balancing some of the bad with a little good, but sadly that was not the case. People do charity work for different reasons. There are those who help out of the goodness of their heart, and there are those who help for purely selfish reasons, to fix their public image, deceive people into thinking they are somebody that they are not, or even use their charity organization as a front for illegal activities. She could easily fall into the second category. Helping was one way she could convince herself that she was not a bad person, and because she knew that was a lie, she found herself charging her clients little to none over and over in an effort to mask that reality. It was not long before her savings dried up and she found herself downgrading everything in her life to make ends meet. That did not bother her much. As long as she was handling that overwhelming sense of guilt, she was fine. Soon afterwards, she joined Sonata, a charity organization concerned with helping the victims of human trafficking and putting an end to their suffering. Unfortunately, every case she took through Sonata following the incident was nothing more than a blatant reminder of what she had gone through.

“Lesly?”

“I’m sorry. I was just thinking about a case I encountered at work today,” Lesly finally decided to answer, realizing that the long time she took to respond was also a sign this Mary person could use to figure her out.

“Care to share it with me?” Mary asked patiently, hoping to get Lesly to finally open up.  

Lesly sighed, wondering whether it was worth it to say anything at all or not. She eventually decided to randomly choose a case and to present it to Mary as a way to fill the silence.

“There is this woman, early twenties, who came to the city of Redlyn in hopes of finding a job that would support her and her five-year old son. She trusted the wrong people and ended up in a prostitution job that she could not leave for fear that her son might get hurt. We managed to save her, but we can’t find her son.”

“That is awful.”

“Yes, that is what people normally say, and yet no body is doing anything about the problem.”

“Lesly, what makes you think the problem is getting worse?” Mary asked after a moment of silence.

“What makes you think it’s getting better?”

“Wouldn’t you consider the changes the newly elected mayor promised to make a step in the right direction?” Mary clarified.

Leslie could not help but laugh at this point, “Politicians!”

Unable to keep her real thoughts to herself any longer, she continued, “The slave-trade has grown prosperous due to the city’s stagnant environment, yet despite the growing numbers we announce, politicians still insist that we exaggerate. Why do you think that?”

“You tell me.”

“Because they are entangled in that mess. The persistence of the problem helps them. They get paid a handsome some by the syndicates running the show to stay quiet. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the city’s major political figures are involved in the lucrative sex-trade that such an activity gave rise to.”

Silence again. The crime rate in the city of Redlyn was high. That was an undisputed fact. The factors behind the increase in crime rate, however, were a source of a major controversy. As with any community, there are those who believed that hijacking people’s freedom through stricter laws was the answer. There are the conspiracy theorists who would either trace the problem to some foreign powers or locate it in the existing government. And then there are the religious fanatics who would simply interpret every occurrence as God’s punishment to the sinful.

“That is…an interesting analysis, Lesly,” Mary replied hesitantly after a moment of silence.

Great! She must have already been categorized as another conspiracy theorist. Lesly did not normally care what other people thought of her, but she did not want Mary to needlessly prolong those sessions. One session every two weeks was torture enough.

She leaned forward in her seat and tried her best to control her simmering temper as she reasoned, “Dr. Grove, how would you explain the rising crime wave? The inadequacy of the law enforcement system? The corruption of the judicial system? And the fact that parts of the city are totally controlled by syndicates and criminal organizations rather than a functional government body?”

Mary would not answer the questions. She just sat there waiting for Leslie to voice the one experience that was the source of this seething, yet somewhat controlled anger.

Realizing that she had revealed more than what she wished her therapist to find out, she stood up, turned her back to the middle-aged woman and began walking towards the window. Lesly took a couple of deep breaths and tried to think of way to handle what remained of the one-hour session. She wanted to leave that instant, but Michaela was waiting outside. Leaving would mean subjecting herself to the hellish nagging, crying and pleading that resulted in the guilt-ride that brought here in the first place. No, leaving was not an option, and apparently beating around the bush and answering questions with questions was not working either, especially since she was exhausted and sleep-deprived. What else was there to do?

Her eyes scanned the small garden through the window. The sound of children playing and laughing immediately caught her attention and had her search their surroundings for the source of their amusement. She soon found out that it was a small golden retriever running around the kids in circles and chasing after a toy they were holding. Something about the scene evoked a surge of emotions within her. She could not understand at first why the scene affected her so much, but she soon managed to put a name to the phenomenon…nostalgia…but that was not all there was to it. Something else was making her eyes burn. They were tearing up. The more she fought that, the harder her eyes pulsed. She tried to keep herself composed, but so many things were out of order right now that she could not keep track of everything. Something was bound to slip out.

Almost involuntarily, she found herself whispering, “Things would have been easier if he was around.”

“Who Lesly?”

“Christopher.”

“Your brother?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

What was there to talk about? The guy lived his whole life treating her like nothing but the family he always wanted, but she never returned the sentiment. She hated him at first because he was her father’s love child. Christopher was twelve when she first met him. He was four years younger than her. His mother had passed away when he was two and he spent the next ten years in the care of his maternal grandmother. Her father kept his existence a secret from her up until he could no longer do so. Christopher’s grandmother passed away and her father had no choice but to bring him over. What made it easier for her father to do so was the fact that her mother was no longer around, too. Her father only had one person’s feelings to worry about and those were hers. She spent the next year fully ignoring Christopher’s existence for her sanity’s sake up until the moment she went to college.

Lesly finally got to acknowledge Christopher as a brother when her father passed away. She had just graduated from college and she was trying to put herself through law school. The sight of Christopher weeping at her father’s funeral tore at her heart strings. She realized that Christopher had just lost the only family he knew. Their relationship grew from that point onward, but it was not long before it hit another hurdle along the way. She did not know whether it was the lack of guidance or the fact that he had been spoiled by everybody who cared for him throughout his life, but Christopher had grown up to be the most irresponsible person she had ever encountered. He could not keep himself in college and would not even bother looking for a job. His reason, of course, was that he did not need the money after he was finally granted access to the trust fund left to him by his maternal grandparent. Every encounter the two had followed the same routine course. She would criticize his irresponsible behaviour. He would call her a stuck-up a bitch, and then the two of them would keep their distance until he sought her out again. It was always him who initiated the contact, never her. He was the one who would call to check on her. He was the one who would arrange dinner appointments to meet her. He was the one who constantly called her office to plan things around her schedule. It was obvious that he loved her a great deal. She loved him, too, but for some reason, she was never capable of showing it, and now he was dead and his blood was on her hands alone.

Why didn’t she keep her mouth shut? If she had tried to reason with him rather than criticize and point his flaws every time she saw him, he would not have stormed out of her flat in anger and got himself killed in a car accident. Why did she do that? Why was she so harsh with him? She was an attorney and a damn excellent one. She should have been able to use her words in a more effective manner than that. Did she still resent him for being her father’s love child? Was that the real reason? Did she secretly want him dead? Did she even love him or was she lying to herself the entire time to make herself feel better? Maybe she deserved what happened to her, getting incarcerated, tortured, and raped. She should have died that day. She should not have been rescued.

“Lesly, what are you thinking?”

“Nothing,” Lesly answered in a small voice.

At this point, Mary could not help but sigh in frustration at her patient’s lack of cooperation. She placed the cap over her pen, put her notebook aside, took a deep breath, and tried to reason one more time, “Dear, I’m trying to help you. You are obviously suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. What you have been though is horrendous in every sense of the word. You have to open up.”

Still not convinced, Lesly asked, “What’s the point? It won’t erase the fact that it happened. It won’t erase the fact that I deserved it.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I’m a horrible human being,” Lesly replied softly.

“Lesly, it is common for sexual assault victims to blame themselves. The most important thing to remember is that…”

“Did you not hear me? I deserved it,” Lesly interrupted, almost breaking down.

Mary tried to hold back from saying anything that would further enrage Lesly. She took a deep breath, tried to rearrange her thoughts, and then proceeded one more time to convince her patient to speak, “Lesly, perhaps you can help me understand the situation better by telling me exactly what happened.”

Lesly tried to calm herself down. She closed her eyes to keep the tears that were threatening to fall from falling, and counted to ten. She could handle this. She could power through if she wanted. She had done it before, and she could do it again.

She slowly walked back to her seat, sat down, then spoke softly, “I helped someone.”

“And?” Mary asked encouragingly.

“I paid dearly for it.”