ravnicaforgoblins

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

The Boros Legion

History: Founded by Razia, the sword-wielding archangel of fiery righteousness, the Legion stands as a living embodiment of justice, honor, and unity against the forces of evil. Her army consisted of humans, giants, minotaurs, and angels of war seemingly made in Razia’s own image. Razia led the Legion, not just as Guildmaster, but as inspiration and demigod deserving of worship. That is, until her assassination at the hands of Szadek, the Dimir Parun during/shortly after the Decamillennial.

The actual breaking of the Guildpact is a long & convoluted ordeal. The short version is that Szadek tried to kill the Selesnyan Parun/God Mat’Selesnya, but failed. A Boros Wojek (soldier) named Agrus Kos arrested Szadek. Szadek, being a member of House Dimir, could not be arrested because the Dimir’s purpose is to oppose the Guildpact while the Boros’ purpose is to enforce the Guildpact. This infinite loop resulted in the 10,000 year Guildpact suffering a fatal error and falling apart.

Since then, the Guild was briefly under the leadership of Pierakor az Vinrenn D'rav, better known as “Feather”, a firemane angel formerly Agrus Kos’ partner as part of her penance for an undisclosed crime. She was only Guildmaster from the death of Razia until the Guildpact was fully broken, which is probably some sort of record for shortest term in office. Aurelia, one of Feather’s own creations (don’t know how that works with every angel being both female and, well, angel) challenged Feather, stating that no disgraced angel should have the right to lead the Boros. Feather was imprisoned, freed during a mysterious operation led by a goblin mob boss, and went into self-imposed exile beyond the city walls. Aurelia has led the Legion since.

Organization: The Boros Legion has had two systems of organization since its creation. The Old Hierarchy, during Razia & Feather’s reigns as Guildmasters prior to the breaking of the Decamillennial:

Power Band 1: Razia

Power Band 2: Warleaders (oldest & wisest strategists among the war angels)

Power Band 3: Firemane Angels (incarnations of holy war)

Power Band 4: Battleforce Angels (rank & file of angelic warriors)

Power Band 5: Boros Guildmages/Firefists (highest rank achievable for mortals)

Power Band 6: Commander-Generals (one for Wojek, one for regular army)

Power Band 7: Section Commanders (10 Wojeks, one for each district of city)

Power Band 8: Skyknight & Shift Captains (highest rank among patrols)

Power Band 9: Wojek Embermages (battle mages)

Power Band 10: Lieutenants/Skyknights & Skyjeks (most clever/experienced among patrols)

Power Band 11: Wojek Sergeants & Sunhome Enforcers (standard patrols who have proven themselves worthy of guarding the Guildhall)

Power Band 12: Wojek Apothecaries & Flame-Kin (healers & elementals created by the angels)

Power Band 13: Constables, Commandos, & Swiftblades (specialized ground soldiers for making strong statements in battle)

Power Band 14: Thundersong Trumpeters (low-ranking but important, they announce the arrival of the Boros Legion into battle)

“The Grunts” (rank & file members making up the majority of the army)

Under Aurelia’s leadership, the Legion has been reorganized into four much larger, much more focused “theatres”, as well as numerous local forces spread throughout the city. These theatres specialize in threats to the public order. This New Hierarchy isn’t particularly subtle in what it deems to be a “threat to the public order”.

The Theatre of Order deals with Rakdos outbreaks, mobs, rampages, and club activities.

The Theatre of Integrity works to root out Dimir operatives, both within the city and within the Boros. They have a subdivision, the Dead Brigade, specifically tasked with neutralizing dangerous spirits.

The Theatre of Fortification develops weapons and strategies to increase the Legion’s effectiveness. One of its most promising projects is the Warmind Initiative, a collaboration with the Izzet League to develop new technologies to further aid in efforts to keep the peace.

The Theatre of Recruitment searches for potential recruits to the Legion among the Guildless in the city.

Alignment Spectrum: The Boros Legion is about as close to getting paid to be a hero as is possible in a D&D setting. Boros members are iconic in their passion, determination, and belief in upholding justice. They are almost always Good, and usually either Lawful or Chaotic in how they bring it about. Passive Neutrality doesn’t suit them well, unless they want to remain a grunt for their entire career. A Boros soldier exists as the model of heroism all Ravnican citizens should strive to be.

There are two paths that can lead a Boros to villainy, but they share a common issue. Members of the Boros are trying to live up to the example first set by Razia and carried on by subsequent Guildmasters. Living up to such heroic standards at all times can be impossible.

The first path is by extremism. Ravnica is a chaotic place at best, and for someone who puts their life on the line to uphold order only to see other Guilds blatantly undoing everything you work for, it can become too much. The Boros are meant to be the divine hammer of righteousness against the forces of evil. Why do we allow a Demon to hold power in our city? Why do we allow the deceased relics of immeasurable greed to use our laws to feed their own gluttony? The hardest thing for a member of the Boros to grasp is the reality that true peace on Ravnica is an impossibility and that semi-chaotic state of peace-ish must be the ideal you strive towards. Once you let go of that ideal and cross that line, you become a threat to Ravnica.

The second path to villainy is corruption. Being a hero can be a thankless job. The pay is garbage, the work is exhausting, and you’re expected to give up everything for the city, including your life if need be. What is the reward? The city remains standing another day. A name etched among the countless millions of fallen Wojeks over the millennia. Who’s to say anything if you did take a bribe here or there, if it works out for everyone in the end? Who could possibly reprimand you for a small exchange of information with a Dimir agent if the Legion still took down a threat, stopped a dangerous incursion, and protected the citizens? The problem is trust. A phalanx is only as strong as the weakest link. If one member falters, the whole formation falls apart.

Signature Elements: Emblazoned with their signature red & white armor, the Legion can be recognized by their courage, their teamwork, their passion, and their strength. They are always the first one into battle because it is where they shine brightest (both figuratively & literally). Their magic is usually either fire or lightning-based, but radiant is always present when the Angels join the fray. Boros hit hard, never surrender, and fight until the fight is won. One thing you will never see is a lone Boros. Even among the highest ranking members, a Boros is only as strong as the comrades they fight with. That is and will always be their greatest strength. Whereas the Azorius prefer to use detainment magic against threats and only rely on actual weapons as a last resort, the Boros are the best hand-to-hand combatants on the entire plane and use magic (mostly fire & radiant magic) as a fallback or to bolster their already impressive skill. Their main weapons of choice are swords & shields, but spears and dual-wielded blades are quite common. Carrying over from the Old Hierarchy days, Commandos are renowned for their skill with maces, glaives, and warhammers to break through enemy lines. Most of the Legion is human, most of the Commandos are either minotaur or giant (races built for hitting hard), and a decent number of goblins can also be counted among the ranks. Paladins, Fighters, Barbarians, Clerics; Boros usually specialize in combat and little else. Bards are completely viable as battle trumpeters, healers, and inspiring leaders. Strict spellcasting is a rough gig in a Guild that wakes up every day expecting combat, but as long as you can hold your own and support your allies in the heat of battle, you can make it work.

Your Role in Ravnica: As part of the Boros Legion, you have two duties that must be carried out at all times to the best of your abilities. They can be best thought of as your Sword & Shield. Shield is your vow to safeguard the innocent. Whereas the Azorius Senate is more concerned with cataloguing & recording damages/charges incurred, the Legion is here to protect the citizens of Ravnica that cannot protect themselves. You put your life on the line for every Ravnican citizen, regardless of their Guild loyalties or your personal issues with them. The Boros is a shield that cannot be broken, no matter how hard evil may smash at it. This is just as important to your fellow Legion members. No legionnaire ever fights alone, that is an unbreakable law. When your comrade drops their shield, you lend them yours. If a threat endangers both civilians and your squad, the squad protects the innocent for as long as they draw breath. Boros Legion will die rather than break their code.

Sword is your vow to vanquish evil. While the Azorius lean hard into detainment, arresting, and legal process; Boros hit threats until they stop being threats. Ravnica has real dangers that don’t listen to reason and your job is to make sure they are stopped. Boros act while Azorius wait around considering repercussions. As a member of the standing army, you carry orders from angels themselves to use whatever force it takes to bring down a foe. Safety’s off, swords out, give ‘em hell. This comes with it a unique responsibility to be the one who hits hardest in battle. Boros do not hold back and they don’t play games. You hit whatever monster as hard as you possibly can before it can hurt anyone. Whatever the cost. If you fall, your comrades protect you, but the longer the threat remains at large, the greater a danger it becomes.

Your Territory: The Boros & Azorius have taken to splitting the Tenth District between each other. In order to prevent their forces from being spread too thin, different Guilds station patrols in different Precincts. The Boros have the majority of their forces stationed in the constant warzone of Precinct 4, where they deal with Gruul raids, Izzet experiments, and Rakdos nightclubs on a daily basis. It’s the best place to keep Sunhome, the Boros Guildhall & Fortress, wherein the Legion is trained, armored, and most heavily defended. They also station patrols, barracks, & armories in Precinct 6, in order to keep an eye on Golgari & Rakdos operations throughout the area. Lastly, Precinct 2 is firmly Azorius, but what few Boros live long enough to retire can be found living out their years in relative peace. They may not be the warleaders they once were, but they still keep an eye out for wrongdoings and can still throw a punch if need be.

Your Guildhall: Sunhome is the headquarters, castle fortress, sleeping barracks, training ground, weapon forge, and war temple of the Boros Legion. Sunhome is a towering, inspiring monument to heroism & valor. To call it well-defended would be a dramatic understatement. This is the single largest collection of fighting soldiers on the plane. Even with forces constantly being deployed throughout the city, there’s always more legionnaires in Sunhome. Even in the event of a mass invasion, there is no army on this plane that can take the Guildhall from the War Angels that call it their home. You’d have better luck clearing out Tiamat’s nest.

Your Guildmaster: Aurelia the Warleader is not only a Guildmaster, but a comrade and an inspiration to the entire Legion. Whereas Razia existed as an untouchable demigoddess and Feather was exiled for unspecified crimes before she’d spent too much time in the role, Aurelia leads from the front line of battle. She is your fellow legionnaire, your shield brother, and the one who gives you the strength to keep fighting even when the odds seem impossible. No one shall taste defeat while they fight by Aurelia’s side. Personality-wise, Aurelia alternates between warm & friendly leader, and furious valkyrie. Her generosity is just as legendary as her wrath.

Why You’re Awesome: If ever there were a Guild designed for being “the hero”, it would be the Boros Legion. Your sworn duty is to excel in combat, defend the weak, inspire the hopeless, and look badass while you do it all. The finest of armor & weaponry that can both blaze & shock like lightning. Add in the boundless reinforcements you can call upon for assistance as you rise through the ranks, and you can build an army for whatever a mission may require. Giants for Huge+ threats. Skyjeks for aerial assault. Minotaurs for breaking through enemy lines.  And if the angels get into the mix? No entrance has ever been more worthy for “Flight of the Valkyries”. It welcomes Min-Max Munchkins with open arms. That said, it has roleplay requirements to ensure one doesn’t show off too much. The Legion holds unity above all else, if you go off on your own or abandon your duties to the citizens of Ravnica, you are out. The Boros carry heavier responsibilities than members of other Guilds because they are trained to do so. You must set an example for others with your willingness to self-sacrifice for a greater purpose. Supporting your allies is always more important than showing off.

Why You’re Problematic: If the Boros Legion has one weakness, it would be their often blinding zeal. Having no interest in politics, Boros almost never look beyond the obvious threat they see. You definitely have personal prejudices with regards to identifying threats based on your experience. Gruul are savages. Rakdos are insane. Dimir are liars. Orzhov are cheats. Most of these Guilds do present threats to daily Ravnican life, but no Guild is without sin. A fat Orzhov pontiff caught stealing from debt collections may be the obvious culprit, but they may have just been a pawn in someone else’s game. A street brawl between a tattooed Gruul Berserker and a posh Selesnyan Druid can be the fault of an Izzet researcher who dropped an unstable device while walking through the market. The problem with the Boros is that they need to see the world in black & white, good & evil. When things start getting morally gray, they start to hesitate. As stated before, the Boros Legion is founded upon ideals set by celestial warriors, which the average person may be unable to live up to. A Boros’ worst fear is delivering righteous justice to an innocent. It also doesn’t help that the pay is laughable. A Boros PC starts off with the least gold of any Guild, even the Gruul. You are expected to do this for the greater good, not personal success. Lastly, unlike members of the Azorius or Orzhov, Boros don’t know the specifics of Guildpact laws/magic. You act in the spirit you believe the laws were written for, and rarely know what they actually say.

Myths: You are a jackbooted military police.

Boros are dumb.

You are buzzkills.

Boros can only solve problems with violence.

Any man who takes orders from women, angels or not, must have no balls.

Boros can’t do anything besides fight.

You are nothing if someone gets you alone.

Boros act outside the laws and yet claim to be righteous defenders of them.

You march towards your own death every day.

Boros always hit to kill.

Reality: You are the chosen defenders of Ravnica and all of its Guilds.

Boros Legion are the finest warriors on the plane.

You are protectors of the weak.

Some threats don’t care about diplomacy.

Any man who speaks so shamefully within earshot of Aurelia will lose their balls.

Boros study magic, crafting, forging, and art; in addition to fighting.

You are never alone.

Boros care more for morals than rules lawyers.

The only death you fear is the one you could not prevent.

The last time Boros arrested someone it broke the world.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Golbins

The Simic Combine

History: All we know about the Parun/Founder of the Combine was that they were known as “Simic”. With its original purpose being to preserve and nurture lifeforms, the Simic also made up doctors, hospitals, and medical institutions on the plane. As the city expanded, the Combine, in what would become iconic for the Guild, adapted & evolved. The three most important periods in the Guild’s history (those being the three we know anything about) are during the eras of Guildmasters/Prime Speakers Momir Vig (Pre-Decamillennial), Zegana (Post-Decamillennial-Living Guildpact Era), and Vannifar (Living Guildpact Era-Present).

Momir’s Era was marked by the visionary’s desire to not just nurture lifeforms, but to improve on the original design. He developed & championed the cytoplasts, which could be used to improve the lives of Ravnican citizens with missing limbs or even voluntary upgrades utilizing biomancy technology. We can restore sight to the blind, yes, but why settle for normal eyes when chameleon eyes are so much more useful? Which is about when the city’s fear of the unusual but well-meaning denizens of the Guild began finding solid ground to stand on. Momir’s cytoplasts were such revolutionary technology that he became frustrated with the slow pace of acceptance by the rest of the city. The average citizen was significantly less excited about the idea of body modifications than members of the Combine were. At which point, his next idea was to develop cytoplasts that could bond with hosts on contact, negating the need for consent. And with that, the worst fears of Ravnican citizens came to life (literally). The final straw came from Momir’s secretive Project Kraj. On a basic level, Project Kraj was simply a larger form of Cytoplast utilizing cerebral fluid from Izzet Dragons. Momir’s intended purposes for the enormous organism, however, were never discovered, as he was assassinated moments after activating Project Kraj. The Gargantuan Ooze went wild, calling forth every cytoplast in Ravnica to be reabsorbed into it. This was immediately problematic for every Ravnican citizen using a cytoplast for injuries and medical conditions, and then problematical shortly thereafter for all of Ravnica that had the misfortune to be in the path of the rampaging Kaiju-sized experiment. Project Kraj was ultimately stopped after the Demonlord Rakdos was swallowed whole, putting both himself and Project Kraj into respective comas and allowing the rogue cytoplast to be disassembled.

Zegana’s Era was marked by the Fathom Edict, which marked a new start for the Combine after the downfall of Momir Vig. The discovery of the Zonots & underground oceans beneath the surface of Ravnica, introduction of the Merfolk to the plane in greater numbers, and attempts to earn back the trust of the rest of Ravnica were the most notable events of this period. It marked the beginning of recognizing the Simic Guildmaster as Prime Speaker for a council of leaders chosen from the major Zonots of Simic territories. This decision was one of many made to prevent radical biomancers from using Combine resources for more uncontrollable experiments like Project Kraj. Zegana proved a strong choice for the role, being much more reserved than her predecessor, insisting she held her position as Prime Speaker only at the behest of the Council, and would graciously step down if the Council decided her leadership was insufficient.

That time came following the ascension of Jace Beleren to his role as Living Guildpact for the city. Vannifar, a much more radical Zonot Speaker who had been building up followers during Zegana’s era, put forth that Zegana’s leadership was far too passive. She believed Zegana’s Utopian approach to Simic technology advanced too slowly to adequately prepare for impending violence should the Living Guildpact falter in his watch (as he does often). Rival Guilds were amassing armies and encroaching upon Simic territories at alarming rates, and the Combine needed to reassert its power. Vannifar argued in favor of a big risk/big reward system of experimentation, citing her own proto-plasmic form as an example of the rewards of pushing the boundaries. Her method brought about the Guardian Project, a secret army of super soldiers pushing adaptation to the limits of science, law, and morality. This secret project proved itself a major boon when Ravnica was invaded by an army of unparalleled scope & might, but the question remains what will become of the Guardians & Vannifar’s rule now that the war is over.

Organization: The Simic are split up into two main factions; Utopians and Adaptationists.

Utopians, led by Zegana, Speaker of Zonot One, seek to pursue slow, steady growth towards an ideal balance between nature & civilization. These Simic very much keep out of Ravnica’s politics between other Guilds, remaining impartial & neutral as best they are able. It is very much a peaceful philosophy built on ideals.

Adaptationists, led by Vannifar, Speaker of Zonot Three, are those who believe Utopian science to be moving too slow, and that the Combine needs to be prepared for inevitable war. They believe in taking bigger risks, pushing boundaries, and taking a more aggressive approach against future Guild attacks. It could be called a philosophy built on emotions.

Alignment Spectrum: The Simic Combine probably has the broadest spectrum of alignment among the Guilds. Utopians occupy mostly Lawful or Neutral alignments in their efforts to preserve balance, nurture lifeforms, and put the Guild’s dark past behind them. Adaptationists occupy the more Chaotic alignments, spending more time asking “can I do it?” than “should I do it?”. This is not to say Utopians cannot have Evil force mages (druids) who see Ravnica’s titanic cityscape as throwing nature out of balance and seek to correct this imbalance. Nor does this mean Adaptationists cannot have plucky young Lawful Good biomancers (wizards) who believe they are opening the eyes of Ravnica to the good the Combine can do. Every Guild suffers from the misunderstandings between the Guilds, and every Guild makes their share of mistakes to add to the constant state of conflict that is the Ravnican status quo.

Signature Elements: The Simic Combine is the Blue & Green Guild, which has its foundational identity in Intelligence & Growth. This is where Science & Nature combine. All Simic draw their power from nature and use their brilliant minds to advance & apply it to solve conflicts. Theirs is a living, breathing science, as opposed to the more theoretical & elemental science of the Izzet League. Simic science is organic, long-term, and resilient. In addition, as most Simic territory is underwater, everything they do has aquatic elements to it. Clothing, armor, weapons, and modifications contains elements from jellyfish, octopus, crabs, sharks, seaweed, anemones, coral, and every kind of fish imaginable. Every Simic not only learns to swim, but thrives underwater. Merfolk, Tritons, Vedalken, Elves, and a surprisingly vast population of humans make up the Combine, in addition to thousands of experiments that range from housecat-sized to Leviathans. Plus, whereas most aquatic species suffer disadvantages on dry land & especially in urban environments, Simic philosophy has problem-solving as a core tenet. A member of the Combine works at a problem until they devise a solution to address it, meaning that no problem can ever stop you for long. You thrive on change, more so than any other Guild, and are always making progress on a project of some variety. Your magic typically has swirls, coils, and undersea nature elements to it. As is fitting for the Combine, it also leans towards bolstering and adapting your allies, yourself, or nature around you to resolve a situation. If a Simic is locked in a prison cell, they might adapt themselves to an invertebrate form to squeeze through the bars, grow a lobster appendage to break the lock, or camouflage themselves to make the guards think they’ve escaped before ambushing them when they get close. Simic magic always calls back to nature, be it an electric eel for Shocking Grasp, stonefish spines for Poison Spray, or angler fish for Dancing Lights. Last but certainly not least, high-level Simic are known & feared for their Kaiju-sized Krasis, which may lack the inherent strength of a natural creature that size like dragons or elementals, but is still plenty good for a display of power.

Your Role in Ravnica: Simic usually keep to themselves and their Zonots, working on their experiments and making advances in their respective fields. They do projects for the city above relating to bolstering nature in such a manner as to allow it & the city to coexist together, but mostly they focus on the nature in their underground oceans as it has far less people, buildings, politics, and other Guilds in it. The city often forgets (or tries to), but the Simic do have their roots as the medical professionals of Ravnica, meaning almost every doctor’s office, clinic, and hospital is owned, operated, and staffed by the Simic. In this world, that universal fear of healthcare has less to do with affording it and more to do with “I just wanted you to make the rash go away, why do I now have scales?!”. You are the Guild whose doors are always open but whom rarely have visitors. Which is a shame, because Simic are extremely passionate folks who make great drinking buddies. Too many people just can’t see passed the gills and extra limbs.

Your Territory: The Simic territory is largely unmapped, but unmistakable when you see it. Zonots, massive sinkholes that lead into the underground oceans, opened up within the last hundred years and quickly became centers of Combine activity. There are Nine Zonots (numbered as such) that are the largest areas of Simic society, each one represented by a Speaker. Lore & information has only been released regarding some of those nine.

Zonot One, led by Zegana, is the smallest of these nine, but always maintaining their Utopian vision and keeping tabs on Vannifar’s more extremist propositions.

Zonot Three houses the Guardian Project’s secretive headquarters and is led by Vannifar, pushing biomancy as far as it can go.

Zonot Four is led by Trifon, a rare subspecies of amphibious troll, and used to trade with the Golgari Swarm for valuable biowaste materials & fungal specimens, but has become increasingly militaristic as the Swarm has begun encroaching upon its territory with new undead equipped for underwater combat in the lightless depths. The Simic in this ecosystem are also the largest among the Guild, and focused almost exclusively on defending the Combine from potential invaders.

Zonot Five is the tourist Zonot of the Simic, where citizens from the city can explore Simic and stare in wonder & awe at the world under the sea. Very much the olive branch between the Combine and the world above.

Zonot Seven is the most public Zonot, as well as the only one located in Ravnica proper. It houses Zameck, the Simic Guildhall where the Speakers convene. By far the busiest & most populated Zonot, it can be found in Precinct Five of the Tenth District.

The Simic are further divided into Clades, each of which specialize in specific fields of research & study. Hull Clade, which focuses on the military side, develops new armor, weapons, and adaptations to improve durability. Fin Clade works in resources & transportation. Gyre Clan studies magic, patterns in nature, and revitalization. It is also the Clan most likely to cooperate with other Guilds, specifically those with ties to the natural world (including the Gruul).

Your Guildhall: Zameck is where Speakers from all Nine Zonots gather to discuss new developments, update on projects, and propose new ones. It is reserved for only these meetings, never diverging from this one purpose. It has a spiral central table and a podium for presentations by individual Speakers. The whole thing has a very underwater base feel, with glass walls and aquatic features to create the feeling that the chamber is, in fact, underwater.

Your Guildmaster: Depending on your Era, your Guildmaster may be one of a few individuals. Pre-Decamillennial (which I never recommend) would be Momir Vig, the embodiment of the mad scientist who takes science too far and answers to no one but his own undeterred ambitions. Post-Decamillennial would be Zegana, passive, peaceful, and cooperative. Post-Living Guildpact would be either Zegana at the end of her tenure of Vannifar at the start of hers. Tensions are rising, extremist voices aren’t being overruled as much as they used to, and the race to weaponize biomancy is already passing the halfway point. Your relationship with your Guildmaster regardless will be one of receiving orders from above and applying them to your research. You may encounter your Guildmaster in their respective Zonots, labs, or in passing, but you’re usually just as busy as they are. In battle, all are capable spellcaster combatants, but the real threat is almost always their most prized experiment, an apex among Simic creations. A kraken, a sky swallower, a stage 3 krasis, or something along those gargantuan lines.

Why You’re Awesome: You are the most customizable & adaptable Guild on Ravnica. Not only can you change your spells if they aren’t working out, you can change your own biology if features aren’t working out. Being Simic combines the best aspects of being an Artificer, a Druid, and a Ranger into one package. The limitations to these resources will be based on your level & renown within the Guild, but once you’ve started making a name for yourself you can have your own laboratory and bioengineering pods for your experiments! The best way to make progress is to show how your work adapts in problem-solving scenarios, and the best way to engage in problem-solving scenarios is out in the field, or, more accurately, the streets of Ravnica. Your greatest asset in being an adventurer is having your eyes opened to new ideas outside those developed within the closed ecosystems of the Zonots. This Guild is a promising fit for Wizards, Druids, Rangers; as well as Fighters, Paladins, Barbarians, and Rogues if you wish to be on the receiving end of experimentation more than the experimenter. Simic are progressive, it’s the very essence of the Guild.

Why You’re Problematic: It’s been 80+ years, but Ravnica has not forgotten Momir Vig & Project Kraj. Nor will they ever. To many, those of the Simic Combine will always be seen as mad scientists & mutant makers dabbing in laws of nature that should be left alone. They will experiment & create until they are satisfied, and they are never satisfied. This paranoid viewpoint is not helped by the presence of the Krasis, living examples of everything the average citizen fears about the Simic. It also does not help that Krasis are widely known to break out of their stasis pods or off their leashes and wreak havoc in the city. It’s hard being the only one of your kind in an unfamiliar & noisy place. It’s harder when you are a 2-story Frogodile whose natural instincts are to flee, climb, and spit acid at threats. Even under the best of leadership circumstances, you are constantly at war with the "life finds a way” scenario of Jurassic Park with your experiments. At least when the Izzet blow something up, it’s their own property that gets wrecked. Izzet experiments stay in the lab, yours do not. Add in that certain leaders hold more extremist views that push even Simic boundaries of morals & ethics for experimentation, and all that work put into the campaign for acceptance by the general public is in serious danger of being shot in the face.

Myths: You’re all mad scientists.

The Simic play God.

You’ve lost touch with your own humanity.

You’re weird.

Aquatic races suck.

Krasis are abominations that will eat children.

You want us all to end up freaks like you.

Reality: You are passionate.

You see possibility where others don’t, can’t, or won’t.

Simic experiments never strip one’s identity, that defeats the purpose.

On Ravnica, being weird is normal, being normal is weird.

You are the only population on Ravnica that can swim, at all.

A krasis, like any pet, only bites when it feels scared or threatened.

Better half-fish than full-asshole.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

The Azorius Senate

History: Founded by Azor I, the Sphinx responsible for writing a majority of the original Guildpact, the Azorius Senate had a big part in organizing Ravnica’s government and maintain it to this day. Theirs is the most complete history, as its members are scrupulous about keeping records. Recording and preserving history is a core tenet of the Azorius Senate, not just for themselves, but for all of Ravnica. As a result, if you need to find a book or a piece of information about the past, the Azorius should have it. Criminal records, personnel files, building blueprints, personal histories; it’s all here. It’s just a matter of getting to it.

Organization: More than any other Guild, the Azorius Senate is meticulously organized. Its three Columns are represented on the Guild’s symbol:

The Sova Column (judges, arbitrators, legal aides, librarians, lawyers, etc) are in charge of making rulings in legal disputes. They decide what’s legal, what isn’t legal, and provide mediation for tough calls. Their word is final and carries serious weight.

The Jelenn Column (scribes, elocuters, notaries, lawmakers, legislators, researchers, messengers, etc) write the laws. Every member dreams of one day adding a new law they’ve written to the Guildpact. Their knowledge of Ravnica’s laws is second to none.

The Lyev Column (lawmages, hieromancers, arrestors, nullmages, investigators, enforcers, soldiers, etc) uphold the laws. They patrol streets, issuing warnings, carrying out warrants, making arrests, and function as eyes & ears on the streets. They are equipped for the job of detaining, pacifying, or incapacitating lawbreakers from any Guild.

Alignment Spectrum: Azorius are lawful if nothing else. The Guildpact is the single most powerful magic on the plane of Ravnica and the Azorius’ knowledge of it is unmatched by that of any other Guild. Laws are literally the source of their power, so having any other alignment can be a serious hindrance to an Azorius member. Ideally, the Azorius are Lawful Neutral, concerned with enforcing the laws as written, with no favoritism for anyone. Lawful Good are those who want to use the law to make life better for others because they believe in it. Hero cops, basically. Lawful Evil are those who use the law to their own means. Dirty cops, basically. Thing is, as long as an Azorius has the law on their side, their Guild will back them up. There may be repercussions, however.

Signature Elements: Since Guildpact magic is as powerful as it is, Azorius don’t have many other requirements besides a strong commitment to carrying it out. Azroius is largely populated by humans, as well as a good number of Vedalken, and their fair share of Giants. Being primarily booksmart, Azorius are very likely to have high Intelligence. They wear white & blue uniforms based on their rank & position, have notebooks & writing implements on them at all times, ride horses or griffins, and standard issue armor & weapons for those out on the streets. Azorius magic is law magic and typically takes the form of runes, symbols, floating letters, and glowing bonds/chains. It is firm & iron-clad, but always more focused on detainment than injury. That said, a 4′11″ Azorius can stop a rampaging 25ft tall Simic Krasis with a word and a piece of paper. That’s not just metaphor, I literally mean a piece of paper and clear annunciation can have that much magical power. Combat-wise, Azorius prefer weaponry that discourages unlawful behavior, such as spears, shields, and hammers. It only hurts if you insist on fighting. Magically, Azorius prefer to nullify threats with spells like Command, Hold Person, and especially Counterspell. Take away a mage’s spells and they might as well be a normal civilian.

Your Role in Ravnica: Patrol the streets, research the Guildpact, follow your orders, and above all, maintain order. That last one is the single most important aspect of being an Azorius, but it doesn’t have to be as constricting as it sounds. “Order” in Ravnica has a different meaning than it does on other planes. If a Rakdos troupe is putting on a disturbing knife display involving blood magic at one of their venues, your job is not to stop the show. Your job is to make sure it doesn’t get out of control and spill out into the streets. The status quo is balance, not utopia. If a Guild is building up an army, your job is surveillance, if a Guild is overstepping their boundaries, your job is to put them back in their place. If a threat to the city or its inhabitants emerges, your job is to neutralize it.

Your Territory: Within the Tenth District, the Azorius are most heavily focused in the 1st, 2nd, and 5th Districts. 1st District, being central within the city and home of the Guildpact, is patrolled most regularly. 2nd District, being the site of the Azorius Guildhall New Prahv, has the highest concentration of Azorius in the entire city. Not just patrols, but living quarters, barracks, airship stations, stables, legal offices, as well as prison compounds. It is among the most heavily guarded & fortified structures on the plane. The 5th District contains Prism University, Ravnica’s most highly esteemed educational college, as well as the Ismeri Library, the largest collection of knowledge & information in the city. While not strictly Azorius, the Library is generally filled with lawmages, researchers, students, and bibliophiles, all commonplace amongst the Senate.

Your Guildhall: New Prahv is the single largest building in Ravnica. A trifecta of titanic pillars towers atop a fortress prison nearly a mile wide and a thousand feet tall. It is an impenetrable reminder of the Azorius’ presence within the city. It’s not particularly subtle, but that’s very much the point. Azorius might be annoying out on the streets, but here they are absolute.

Your Guildmaster: The Azorius Senate has been through many Guildmasters, some longer than others. Like many real governments, most of the Guildmasters have been elected to the position based on legal merit/standing as opposed to physical strength. Most have been human (Konstantin I-II, Leonos I-II, Lucian I-III, Augustin I-IV, Lavinia I), with one Vedalken (Dovin Baan) and a couple of Sphinx (Azor I and Isperia). Their role is to issue final judgements, much like a supreme court judge, as well as to oversee the operations of every branch of the Senate. It is exceedingly rare for them to leave their posts, and almost unthinkable to see them out on the streets or in a fight.

Why You’re Awesome: Azorius know a lot. Not just about their own Guild, but about every Guild. To them, knowing literally is half the battle. The Azorius Senate are that one kid in class who actually reads the textbook and raises the collective average of the rest of the class by at least one letter grade. Not only that, but you have one of the largest & most impressive arsenals on the plane backing you up. Your job is to maintain order in a city with Psycho Murder Clowns, make no mistake, Azorius are built to hold fast against any threat, no matter how big. Paladins, Clerics, Wizards, Bards, Airships, Giants, and Griffins. Azorius are best equipped for dealing with threats that rely on only their strongest skill. Thugs, berserkers, raiders, beasts, etc who can excel at physical combat but dump Intelligence or Wisdom stats. Wizards and Sorcerers with massive repertoires of spells at their disposal but no backup plan for having every spell countered or nullified. Seeing the expressions on these individuals’ faces when they realize they don’t have a contingency for such situations is priceless.

Why You’re Problematic: To call the Azorius unpopular is a bit of an understatement. The general consensus about them among the other Guilds ranges from pity to annoyance to outright hatred. The Azorius are unyielding and non-negotiable, and read way too many gods-damn books. There’s also the matter of Ravnica’s own legal system being your greatest weapon as well as your greatest hindrance. Part of your job is to record all crimes you see, jaywalking through illegal detonation of a Purple Wurm, and there are utter mountains of paperwork attached to report. In addition, your Guild moves at what could generously be called a snail’s pace, requiring any major changes or decisions to go all the way up the ladder before any action is made. Worse, many of the other Guilds know this, and have learned how to subvert and dodge legal ramifications over the millennia. Orzhov specialize in finding creative loopholes in specific laws, whereas your job is more of a broad understanding of them. Last, but almost certainly not least, the Azorius Senate strives to be the pinnacle of law & order within the city, but the system is far from perfect. Mistakes are made, and the consequences can be alarming. Azorius strive towards a Greater Good mindset, and some of their actions in pursuit of this have been downright unforgivable.

Myths: You're boring.

You have a stick up your ass that could crack an Orc skull.

Laws are stupid and you’re stupid for following them.

You are required to be a Rules Lawyer.

You can’t do anything in a real fight.

You have to play a high Intelligence character.

No one likes you.

Reality: You’re dependable.

They’ll thank you for keeping notes someday.

Law Magic is the strongest on this plane, only a few Guilds actually learn it.

Lawmages specialize in rules, Arresters specialize in enforcement.

Your warhammer isn’t for show.

You only have to be smart enough to know who you can hit and who you can’t.

You didn’t join this Guild to be popular.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Coming Soon: The Guilds

I told myself I wouldn’t do this, but....I guess I’m doing it. Will be putting out individual posts on each of the Ravnican Guilds. Some history, some info, some flavor, some suggestions, etc. I resisted doing this because I don’t want my interpretation of the Guilds interfering with those of another DM, but I think an introductory course in each Guild could provide players with real benefits & ideas. Every single Guild welcomes new members and every character can find a place they can fit.

Your Guild is your family, your job, your culture, and a large portion of how society perceives you, both for better and for worse. Embrace your respective Guilds, gain renown, and rise through the ranks! The day will come when you stand as a representative for you Guild’s core beliefs. Fellow members will admire and/or envy you, citizens will respect and/or fear you, and you may even earn the favor of your Guildmaster if you play your cards right....

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Laws of the Guildpact

Laws are a big deal in most worlds. On Ravnica, laws are literally the only thing preventing ten massive armies of Sphinx, Angels, Demons, Lich, Elementals, Giants, Wizards, Ghosts, Nightmares, and Kaiju from tearing each other apart in perpetual war. How is this possible? It’s possible because the Guildpact is not just words on flimsy paper. Guildpact Laws are Unbreakable Magical Effects. When all ten Guilds agreed to the Guildpact, they granted it absolute power.

How and why would many of the more evil and chaotic Guilds agree to something like this? Because Ravnica’s Guildpact is designed not only to account for each and every Guild’s lifestyle, but to empower it. There are laws that protect necromancy, laws that protect human experimentation, laws that protect torture, laws that protect murder, and laws that actually protect breaking the law. In addition to laws protecting peaceful citizens and law enforcement officials.

How can any civilization function like this? Balance. You may not be able to arrest a Dimir Agent for stealing, but you can absolutely break their face in. The goal of Ravnica’s laws is to preserve all ways of life for the Guilds, for better & for worse. Within your Guild’s set legal parameters, you are not just free but empowered to carry out that lifestyle. That lifestyle is written into the laws and protected by them. Which is why the single most important law is that you’re not allowed to punish a Guild member for obeying the Guildpact.

This is the most important law, but also the law that ended up destroying the Guildpact. House Dimir’s duty is literally to oppose the Guildpact, so when their Parun decided to kill the Boros Parun in broad daylight and got arrested by a Boros Wojek, the system kinda broke itself. Punishing a Guild for obeying the Guildpact by disobeying the Guildpact, resulting in: Error.4 *does not compute*

Fast-forward to the days of Jace Beleren as the Living Guildpact, and the laws have changed somewhat. The only laws that are still magically binding are the laws Jace verbally confirms. Once he does that, the person he says it to need only speak the law aloud and it’s an instantly unbreakable magical effect.

Now comes the tricky, difficult, infuriating part. For being so vitally important to Ravnican life, we don’t actually know what most, or really almost any, of the laws are. How are players supposed to utilize the effects of written laws if they don’t actually exist? Why didn’t WotC release an official Guildpact? That’s because a document that can actually encompass everything the Guildpact is theoretically supposed to be able to do would be an absolutely massive undertaking for a Card Game Company that doesn’t really need it for their card game, just for those of us playing D&D in their setting. Furthermore, even if they did put in the work, create a document, and release it; the internet (that’s us!) would tear it apart for flaws & loopholes. The internet would give the Orzhov, the Dimir, and the Rakdos a run for their money. Hence WotC doesn’t want to do this because it’s literally just a recipe for self-defeat, migraines, and disaster.

So instead, they give us little bits here & there. Promotional materials, card flavor texts, character stories, etc. Here is pretty much everything I’ve been able to gather that is either an Official Guildpact Law, references Law Magic, sounds close enough to Law Magic, or even just sounds true enough to the spirit of a Guild’s core beliefs to be potentially acceptable for invoking Guildpact Magic:

General Laws

*Petty theft is a violation of personal property with a charge dependent on judicial ruling. (Family Values)

*In consonance with the New Accord of the Guild of Ravnica, you are granted the right of exposure and are obligated by duty to present your evidence of financial corruption to the Living Guildpact. (Family Values)

*The Living Guildpact rules that coffee is an acceptable substitution for rest, as specified in subsection . . . whatever. (Catching Up)

*The magic of the Guildpact gives aegis to the spirits pressed into its service. Upon entering the afterlife, they find new focus and are charged with defending the Guildpact against those who would see it broken. (Guardian of the Guildpact)

Azorius Senate

*You have the right to remain silent. (Azorius Arrester)

*Your potential to commit a crime warrants further investigation. (Azorius Justiciar)

*To prevent action is to prevent transgression. (Inaction Injunction)

*We have confiscated your spells as evidence. Once we conclude our investigation, you may petition to have them returned. (Render Silent)

*Thanks to the magic in his Writ of Passage, alms beasts lumbered aside, anarchs bowed their heads, and even Rakdos acrobats rolled their spikewheels out of his way. (Azorius Knight-Arbiter)

*....A clause that ties the average length of prison sentences to recidivism rates. Theoretically, we could end up having negative-term sentences should the rate fall low enough.... Referenced an ancient Azorius Law, 394-H. (The Ascension of Reza)

*Azorius Law 3455-J: Failure to submit proper identification will result in detention for an indefinite amount of time. (The Ascension of Reza)

*If it happened in the Thinktank, I'm afraid we have no jurisdiction there. (The Ascension of Reza)

*Azorius Law 2795-V, Non-compliance with arresters.... (The Ascension of Reza)

*Azorius Law 3343-J, Traveling in a stolen vehicle.... (The Ascension of Reza)

*By the prerogative writ of emergency, and by a unanimous vote, I hereby declare Hendrik Azmerak Grand Arbiter pro tem of the Thinktank Enclave. As the leader of your people, do I have your permission to put the following law into effect? (The Ascension of Reza)

*To be Azorius is to serve as an exemplary model of moral conduct. (Azorius Guild Kit Instruction)

*Always keep your uniform pressed and your armor polished, in accordance with Regulation 654.2, Part 87, Section 28. (Azorius Guild Kit Instruction)

*Should you witness a criminal act, signal the Sky Hussars immediately and begin documenting the occurrence and details of the crime scene. (Azorius Guild Kit Instruction)

Boros Legion

*Your brother’s crimes are your crimes. You stood by and lent support, so you too must face judgement. (Wojek Embermage)

*It promises protection to those in need and proclaims a warning to any who would threaten Ravnican law. (Boros Guildgate)

*Stand tall. Even your posture should embody justice! (Boros Guild Kit Instruction)

*Act with honor, in all things. (Boros Guild Kit Instruction)

*Protect the innocent, at any cost. (Boros Guild Kit Instruction)

*You are never truly off-duty. Evil never rests! (Boros Guild Kit Instruction)

*Stay in top physical condition. (Boros Guild Kit Instruction)

*If you see evil, crush it. (Boros Guild Kit Instruction)

House Dimir

*All those who trade in questions must answer to the Dimir. (Citywatch Sphinx)

*Welcome to the Dimir Public Offices. Not responsible for death or loss of property. Basement off-limits. (Dinrova Horror)

*Do not disclose your affiliations with REDACTED (Dimir Guild Kit Instruction)

*Extract knowledge whenever possible. (Dimir Guild Kit Instruction)

*No fact is unimportant. (Dimir Guild Kit Instruction)

*Always REDACTED. Never REDACTED. (Dimir Guild Kit Instruction)

*Be invisible, silent, and ethereal. (Dimir Guild Kit Instruction)

*Know every exit from any building. it could save your life. (Dimir Guild Kit Instruction)

Golgari Swarm

*Waste nothing. Seek value in what they discard. (Golgari Guild Kit Instructions)

*Death is no excuse to abandon your responsibilities. (Golgari Guild Kit Instructions)

*Take pride in the decay that fuels our kingdom. (Golgari Guild Kit Instructions)

*Fear neither Death nor Darkness. They can be your greatest allies. (Golgari Guild Kit Instructions)

*You are now a part of the Swarm. Every action you take should serve the interests of the Guild, so that we may all rise together. (Golgari Guild Kit Instructions)

Gruul Clans

*We are the heart of the wild, the fire in its eyes, and the howl in its throat. Come, join the battle to which you were born. (Gruul War Chant)

*Nature is the ultimate mindless destroyer, capable of power and ferocity no army can match, and the Gruul follow its example. (Savage Twister)

*They are the voice of the wild, crying out with nature’s fury and bringing forth its primeval might. (Wild Cantor)

*Enter and leave the shackles of society behind. (Gruul Guildgate)

*Burn. Smash. Fight. Win. (Gruul Guild Kit Instructions)

Izzet League

*The only action worth taking is one with an unknown outcome. (Nivix Guildmage)

*Erase “impossible” from your vocabulary. (Izzet Guild Kit Instructions)

*Strive to discover something NEW every day! The point of science is not to endlessly confirm what is known- it is to map the barriers of reality to better demolish them. (Izzet Guild Kit Instructions)

Orzhov Syndicate

*Article 12 of the Orzhovniha, a governing person of Orzhov recognition may be granted entrance to the Obzedat's Chamber with proof of identity. (Family Values)

*Entrance is free. Donations are required. (Syndic of Tithes)

*Alms coins are only redeemable at Orzhov businesses. (Alms Beast)

*The fine print of countless contracts has ensured we are never defenseless. (Immortal Servitude)

*The rights of ghosts are strictly protected under Orzhov bylaws, and those who enforce them can count on the ghosts’ assistance. (Imperious Oligarch)

*Pay in gold. Pay in blood. Pay with the servitude of your spirit kin But pay you must. (Pitiless Pontiff)

*We have no need for military might. We wield two of the sharpest swords ever forged: Faith in our left hand, Wealth in our right. (Castigate)

*Remember by whose gift you ascend. (Gift of Orzhova)

Cult of Rakdos

*If the pig’s blood drips on you, you’re next on the chain. (Gore-House Chainwalker)

*Never suffer alone. That’s selfish. Pain is meant to be shared with others! (Rakdos Guild Kit Instructions)

*Revel in your pain, in all pain, for it is freedom! No wound compares to the suffering of a dull, law-abiding life. (Rakdos Guild Kit Instructions)

*Make a grand spectacle of your pain, and play to your audience! If they aren’t screaming, laughing, or both, your performance has failed. (Rakdos Guild Kit Instructions)

*Blood and fire look good on everyone. And make excellent decorations. (Rakdos Guild Kit Instructions)

*Always be creative, especially in your bloodiest ventures. New modes of carnage delight the Lord of Riots, and it is wise to seek his favor. (Rakdos Guild Kit Instructions)

Selesnya Conclave

*So many oppose us, but we are the reed that bends without breaking. (Druid’s Deliverance)

*From the seeds of faith, great forests grow. (Scatter the Seeds)

*Within the song of Mat’Selesnya, one becomes all. (Camaraderie)

*No one in the Conclave acts alone. (Armada Wurm)

*Just as leaves fall and the tree blooms again, one day I will fall and the Conclave will endure. (Conclave Cavalier)

*Whatever hatred destroys, a single act of trust can revive. (Emmara, Soul of the Accord)

*We are the shield that never breaks, the bough that never burns, the song that can never be silenced. (Join Shields)

*When you hold a shield, lend your shield. (Privileged Position)

*There are no soloists in the chorus of Selesnya. (Trostani, Selesnya’s Voice)

*Enter and rejoice! The Conclave stands united, open to one and all. (Selesnya Guildgate)

Simic Combine

*Life has no mistakes, only experiments. (Skitter Eel)

*Within each of us, the potential for great power waits to be unleashed. (Sauroform Hybrid)

*Look beyond, to the vascular awareness that all life is a map to greater knowledge. (Momir Vig, Biomancy, Volume I) (Biomantic Mastery)

*As I contemplate what is, I dive ever deeper into the depths of possibility. Then I set an experiment in motion and watch the truth rise to the surface. (Gyre Engineer)

*Fruits of magic, roots in science. (Vigean Hydropon)

*The unnatural pressures of life in this city are best withstood by lifeforms that adapt with unnatural swiftness. (Novigen, Heart of Progress)

*Mystery is beauty. Within the unknown we plumb revelation. (Simic Guildgate)

*Analyze every living thing you see, from the smallest tadpole to the mightiest dragon. Each one holds unique secrets of life, ready to be unlocked through careful study. (Simic Guild Kit Instructions)

*Modification of another’s body without their express permission will not be tolerated. (Simic Guild Kit Instructions)

*Learn to see the patterns all around you; let them illuminate truths that transcend species. (Simic Guild Kit Instructions)

*When you study a life form, identify its weaknesses, then eliminate them. (Simic Guild Kit Instructions)

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

One-Shots and Story Hooks

One thing Ravnica campaigns are rarely without is conflict. On a good day, somewhere between nine and ten of the Guilds will be having an issue with one another in some way, shape, or form. This is good for adventuring parties because it means there’s always something to do. While coming up with a session can literally be as simple as picking two Guilds and building off their general reasons for not liking each other (which is as easy as picking a fight on the internet), sometimes you need help. You need something to kickstart those creative ideas again.

Fortunately, the artists over at Wizards of the Coast have had over a dozen sets/releases to craft not just the main storyline of Ravnica, but unique little one-offs as well. They come with absolutely stellar artwork to help build the atmosphere of the City of Guilds, and wonderful bits of flavor text that are prime jumping-off points for your story ideas.

So here are four story hooks taken straight from Ravnica cards to incorporate into your campaign. You don’t have to follow these prompts exactly, but if they spark some ideas of your own, run with them.

Watchwolf

Ravnica can be lonely & intimidating for a Druid. With so much of the world made up of pavement and skyline, one’s connection with nature can feel like a long-distance relationship. You’d be hard-pressed to find a tree outside the Conclave without venturing into Rubblebelt territory. Furthermore, what animals do inhabit the big city have been almost unilaterally conscripted into service by one Guild or another. Azorius hawks, Boros hounds, Gruul boars, Selesnya cattle; to say nothing of the terrifying creations churned out from Guilds like the Simic, Orzhov, or Rakdos.

Even the rats seem to have loyalties.

I was browsing a Tin Street stall for watermelon seeds when I saw it. A wolf, staring right at me from a bridge nearby. I looked around but didn’t see anyone it seemed to belong to. Boros dogs wear armor, Ledev dire wolves are never without their rider, and if it was Gruul it would almost certainly have some sort of clan markings. Could it be a wild one?

Noticing my gaze, the wolf made its way over to me. It avoided the crowd with a comfort you don’t see in wild animals. This wolf definitely belonged to someone in the city.

A few of the merchants were staring at us. Even if it was trained, it was definitely making them nervous. The wolf nipped & tugged at my tunic with its mouth. Not with aggression, but with urgency. Spend enough time with animals, you learn to spot the difference. I bought my seeds, tipped the shopkeep generously, and brought the wolf to a quieter part of the city to speak with it.

Who are you?

Watcher

A watcher? Curious.

What do you need, Watcher?

Help

What help do you need?

Lost

You’re lost?

Watcher shook his muzzle.

Where’s your owner, Watcher?

Taken

Taken? Taken by whom?

Watcher told me.

A what?

Role Reversal

This was definitely one for the books. Even for the Senate, seeing a Sphinx up close is extremely rare. Seeing one at your desk filing a complaint about another Sphinx is unheard of.

“They are Uthlon the Wise. A model among their peers for stoicism, moderation, and sound judgement.”

“And you’re filing a complaint against Uthlon for....”

I checked my notebook.

“....Getting drunk and painting rude words on the temple of Azor.”

“Yes.”

“We’ll look into it.”

I expected a response. There’s always a response when people get angry enough to file a complaint. However, instead of shouting or threats, the Sphinx Agammemnos stepped back from my desk and perched down a few feet away. They were really going to wait there until I looked into this. My lunch was sitting an arm’s reach away. I sighed deeply. I hated this job sometimes.

Then, another Sphinx came in and approached my desk.

“I am here to file a complaint regarding Uthlon the Wise.”

I took my notebook back out.

“For the crime of shouting out ‘River’.”

I had to ask for that one again. Apparently, they were asking someone a riddle, as Sphinxes do, when Uthlon the Wise popped up and shouted the riddle’s answer. For that, I might seek out this Uthlon the Wise for the sole purpose of giving them a medal. No sooner had this thought crossed my mind when another Sphinx, this one rubbing their head and moving as though drunk, wandered in.

“I....am here to....file a complaint.”

“Regarding Uthlon the Wise?”

The Sphinx looked pleased. They do love when someone can guess what they’re thinking.

“Uthlon the Wise hit me over the head with a club.”

I’d just finished writing that down when more Sphinxes came strolling in. I’d never seen this many in one place, not even in Isperia’s court. Then I saw the strangest thing of all. A goblin came in, calmly walked up to my desk, and told me in the best Common I’ve ever heard from a goblin:

"My name is Uthlon the Wise.”

For the love of the Guildpact, what is going on here?

Mass Manipulation

There they are. I thought I made my instructions clear to dress the part. One way you can always spot a Dimir is by their shabby taste. They’re so concerned with being able to keep things hidden in their clothes that they can never wear anything that fits them properly. Orzhov assassins, by contrast, always dress to kill. We turn the art of killing into an actual art. And here this tit comes showing up at the finest diner in the Precinct wearing that awful trenchcoat. Ghosts, I should have hired that Ochran. At least they know not to be seen.

The only reason I’m resorting to this alley skulker is because I need the job done quickly and on the cheap. If this imbecile ruins my appetite, I’m docking the price of the meal from their pay. Then again, if I do that, I wouldn’t be paying them at all.

Seems fair to me.

“Dreadfully sorry I’m late.”

“If this is how you run your business, I may just take mine elsewhere.”

“Now, now, let’s not get hasty.”

The server came over to take our orders, but because of this idiot’s tardiness, my main course would have to wait while they ordered drinks.

“Would you like to see our wine list?”

“Water is fine, thank you.”

Ghosts, I should have hired the Rakdos. This whole day is already a loss and it’s only breakfast. Why did I ever think these fools could be trusted with something important?

The server poured water from the pitcher while I waited.

“So, what’s the job?”

“What’s the job? The job is everything! How you present yourself! How you treat your clients! How you behave in high society! How am I supposed to trust you with a contract when you can’t even show up on time for a breakfast?”

They just sat there, drinking their water. Not even the decency to look ashamed. I’m going to put a word in to the Judge for another purge, this is unacceptable. We shouldn’t have to put up with these dredges.

Finishing their water, they clinked their glass on the table.

The whole diner was suddenly quiet. Not the awkward, shocked quiet of society types pausing to listen. I’ve lived in this city for almost 70 years and I’ve never heard anything like this kind of silence. Every single person froze in their place, some halfway in the motion of eating or talking. Then, every single head turned in our direction at once.

“I was afraid it might come to this. I know you have things to do, so I’ll be brief. When I ask you for the job, I don’t need your background or history and especially not your personal take. I know how uptight you Syndicate types are about contracts & paperwork & details and all that nonsense. I just need the deed and the name of the person it’s being done to. That’s all.”

Every face stares at me with blank captivation. Not a single eye blinks. Not a single mouth draws breath. Including mine.

“But first, let’s talk about the pay. For starters, since the target is probably wealthy enough to afford protection, the rate will double. Second, since you clearly have trouble keeping your mouth shut, you’ll need to be kept under supervision until the job is done, so the rate will double again. Lastly, since the reason I was late was because I was debating whether or not to poison your drink, let’s double it again and call it a deal.”

I swallow hard. I should have never gotten involved with House Dimir.

“Seems fair to me.”

“Excellent. Now, what’s the job?”

Debtors’ Transport

This one will not be easy. This isn’t your standard smash & grab in the Bulwark where the Wojek are too busy busting Gruul skulls to chase after a gang of thieves. Everyone in the city has thought of it at least once; rob the Orzhov. The problem is, everyone knows what happens to anyone who tries; best case execution, worst case servitude. The air surrounding the Orzhov Guildhall is saturated with the ghosts of poor souls still paying off their debts to the Syndicate centuries after death. It’s not a fate you wish unto anyone, least of all yourself.

But still....the temptation is right there. An Orzhov transport, one of those big bloated ones that look like someone took a person, removed their bones, and then blew them up like a balloon. Walking right through the plaza. Every week, same time, same route, same cargo. An enormous sarcophagus filled with more coin than your average Ravnican citizen will see in a lifetime, and the moans of the latest poor soul who fell too far behind on their payments.

From the street separating the haves & have-nots of Precinct Two, around the Hall of the Guildpact in Precinct One, then a straight shot along Plaza Avenue to the Orzhova Church. Roughly one hour to walk five miles of city and deliver the cargo into the greedy hands of the Ghost Council.

They aren’t subtle about their business, but they aren’t subtle about security, either. At least four Advokists and Knights for a light haul, double that for a bigger one, and if they’re really hauling a score you can expect a trio of their fully-plated Giants as well. Not to mention the gargoyles they have perched on roofs for every single street along the route. And the transports themselves aren’t exactly known for being well-tempered when something agitates them.

But you rip off a score like that and your entire crew can afford to buy a mansion on a floating mountain.

Assuming you get away, of course. That’s always the rub. There are few things the Syndicate take more personally than being robbed. You rob a score like that, they don’t just send the Order of Sorrows after you, they send the Angels. The executors of Orzhov justice who don’t sleep, don’t stop for lunch, don’t stop for anything until they find you. At least when the Firemane kill someone it’s an exciting way to go. Better death by immolation than spending every night listening for the sound of feathered wings dropping a scythe down on you.

But if you did it right, made sure no one saw you, made sure no one could trace it back to you, it could be done. It can be done.

But who would be willing to take the risk?

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Exciting Planeswalker Visitors

(Caution: Before we begin, this post is going to be much more opinion-based than previous ones. These are my own homebrew ideas, use them as/if you wish, discard/dismiss them if you prefer.)

Planeswalkers are an integral part of MTG Lore, as well as several of its most iconic characters. Put simply, a Planeswalker is an individual with an inherent gift for traveling between planes, or worlds. The gift does not appear at birth, but is usually triggered by some manner of incredibly emotional (usually traumatizing) event. In addition, each Planeswalker displays a unique aptitude for a particular style of magic; be it plant growth, transformation, becoming transparent, illusions, invulnerability, summoning beasts, structural analysis, setting things on fire, etc. Whatever their specific brand of magic is, it’s usually on a higher level than an ordinary person can hope to achieve.

Planeswalkers, as a general rule, are wanderers by nature. They may have a home plane, or even an adopted home plane, but being able to traverse the multiverse leads many towards lives of constant adventuring/shenanigans. Add in the fact that Planeswalkers cannot bring anyone else with them on these travels (except in very rare cases), and you end up with a special breed of super-powerful magical loner. They show up, make a name for themselves with their big magic, and depart when they feel like it. Did you say, “Instant Adventure”?

Ravnica has a few native Planeswalkers among its citizens; Ral Zarek, Vraska, and Domri Rade. In addition, it has several Planeswalkers who have at some point or another (depending on your timeline) devoted enough time & energy to be effectively considered citizens; Azor, Tezzeret, Kaya, Dack Fayden, Dovin Baan, Gideon Jura, and Jace Beleren. Some of these are currently dead, missing, or magically barred from ever returning. At one point, Ravnica had more Planeswalkers on it at one time than any plane in the multiverse has ever or will ever see. If you are going the War of the Spark direction, good luck. You'll need it and so will your players. For everyone else, which Planeswalkers you choose to include in your campaign (if any), should be based on who will work the best for the story you’re trying to tell. A recommendation; if you find their lore too distracting and complicated, stick to the main beats. A lot of these figures can be boiled down to simple ideas, and you don’t want to bore your party with the entire novel of these usually dramatic/tragic lives. Trust me, the base concepts are enough.

With that in mind, here are four Planeswalkers that I, a random person on the internet, believe would work great for a Ravnica campaign. My choices are not based on who has canonically already spent time in Ravnica, or who would be the most powerful/dangerous to suddenly appear in the city. Several Planeswalkers have their own prior commitments on other planes that are pretty central to their character, and BAMFing them to Ravnica for a quick Bad Guy to take down wouldn’t do them justice. These four characters would slide into various aspects of Ravnica beautifully. These four would be the most exciting visitors to Ravnica.

Ashiok, Dream Render

I don’t think any MTG character could be as good a fit for a Ravnican Guild as Ashiok is for House Dimir. Ashiok is almost literally a walking shadow of secrets and intrigue. Their origins, their age, their motives, their face; hell, their gender is a secret yet unrevealed. Ashiok’s power is creating living beings born of the greatest fears stolen from people’s nightmares. Literally.

It’s like if the Dimir stopped half-assing the art of stealing thoughts and turned it into a weapon of mass destruction. Because even the mightiest of Ravnicans are afraid of things. Ask Niv-Mizzet about the Nephilim sometime, see how quickly he changes the subject. What’s better, for a Guild that prides itself on always having the up & up on everyone, Ashiok is inscrutable. They have no past that can be divined, no secrets that can be stolen, no previous encounters to prepare any for their arrival. Neither Lazav nor Etrata can claim such anonymity, despite their best efforts. Ashiok is a true enigma and a dangerous new weapon for House Dimir.

Ashiok also comes with the ability to create minions and NPCs from out of any PC’s worst nightmares, making encounters a great combination of roleplaying & combat. Fighting them is specifically facing one’s deepest & darkest fears made real. Can you say, “character development”?

Ashiok’s arrival could spread this new magical art to other Dimir Agents for a longer campaign, but it might be best to confine it to Ashiok in order to allow for a cleaner victory. Ashiok is not a fighter, cornering them into a direct confrontation should be enough to make the Nightmare Sculptor run for the hills. The mind is powerful, but also very squishy.

Tibalt, the Fiend-Blooded

You know how the Cult of Rakdos are technically Chaotic Evil but generally just a bunch of artsy hedonistic nuisances? Tibalt is to them what a gallon of gasoline would be to a lit stove. Good for fire, bad for everything else. Tibalt is an empath specializing in Pain Magic. Quite literally, he loves hurting people for fun. Drawn to pain like a magnet; physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc, he is sadism personified.

His brief time on Ravnica during War of the Spark was enough to make a strong impression on the Rakdos.

“I like this one’s energy.”

This is because they do not realize how bad Tibalt would be for the Cult. There is a fundamental difference between the Chaotic Evil the Cult practices and the Chaotic Evil Tibalt delights in. The Rakdos have survived 10,000 years by taking in the freaks, the rejects, and the crazies, and giving them a place where they can live out their most depraved hedonistic fantasies. They are the voice of the outsiders bringing all figures of power & authority down a peg. They always punch up, never down. Tibalt is a young man with no home, no friends, no job, and no interests or hobbies beyond inflicting pain in as many people as possible. Tibalt punches everyone. The most important distinction between the two is that the Cult of Rakdos is a culture, a way of life for people to embrace; it might be crazy, but it welcomes & accepts people no matter how insane the world says they are. Tibalt does not care about anyone but himself. Following his example would see the city turned into the largest, bloodiest, and most destructive riot in its history; with Tibalt inciting and sicking every monstrosity he can find onto the city at once. He will burn the Rakdos candle at both ends and leave them to suffer the consequences of his fun. The aftermath being the city in ruins, the Cult wiped from the face of existence, and him moving on to his next project. In short, Tibalt will hurt the Cult of Rakdos as much, if not more, than the rest of Ravnica. Because that’s how he gets his kicks.

The one thing standing in his way will be Rakdos himself. As the single largest diva on the entire plane, Rakdos does not tolerate anyone who tries to steal his spotlight. As a 10,000+ year-old Demon Lord, Rakdos is in a league of his own, and Tibalt is just a hotshit little pain mage with a few tricks. It’s not a fight, it’s either an exit or a curtain call for the Planeswalker. If Rakdos is around, Tibalt’s spree will be very short-lived. If, however, Rakdos is doing his usual thing of hibernating for weeks, months, or years at a time, that’s a different story. Tibalt is good for if your campaign wants to bypass politics & intrigue and go straight to killing Cultists & Demons. He’s bad for anyone he comes in contact with.

Garruk Wildspeaker

In case I haven’t made my contempt for Domri Rade clear, I hold Domri Rade in utter contempt. As a character, as a Planeswalker, and most of all as a Gruul, he’s a failure. Scrawny, weak, gullible, and stupid. My chief grievance with Domri is that he fell short in all the areas the Gruul Clans idolize. He couldn’t survive in the wilderness on his own without his Planeswalker abilities, he couldn’t fight for himself except against weaker opponents or with herds of animals as backup, and he acted on orders from someone else who wasn’t Gruul. For a Guild built on independence and survival of the fittest, he failed both completely.

Garruk is the real deal. Gigantic, strong, savage, and cunning. Here is a man who, on a fundamental level, has embraced animal savagery as a way of life. He lives like a predator on the hunt, an alpha of any pack, and a fierce threat to all who intrude upon his territory. On a plane like Ravnica, where civilization has encroached on the untamed wilds almost completely, Garruk would be a gamechanger. Not only could he feasibly fight Borborygmos for leadership of the Gruul, he could win, and he could unite the Gruul under his howl of reclaiming the wilds from so-called “civilization”. Garruk would bring animal strength to the Gruul in ways they’ve only begun to tap into, and he’d do it in their language. Because Garruk understands the Gruul, and they understand him. They have so much in common with each other that it’s hard to think of any Planeswalker who could be welcomed so readily into a Guild. They would become so much more than rock-smashers and anarchists, they would become Ravnica’s reminder that nature will survive when all traces of society have crumbled away.

As if taking on the city itself wasn’t big enough already, Garruk has also taken to hunting other Planeswalkers, and can actually track them across the Multiverse. Meaning a few high-ranking members of Guilds and even the Living Guildpact have to take his threat seriously. He’s got a particular grudge against necromancers, dislikes talking, and has a special gift with animals of all varieties. All of which provides plenty of ideas to build from. He’s an 8ft tall Human Druid/Barbarian who willingly chooses animal savagery over intellectual reasoning, can there be anyone more perfect for the Gruul?

Did I say Ashiok was the most perfect fit for an MTG character in a Ravnican Guild? Yeah, scratch that. Garruk is.

Sarkhan Vol

Most Planeswalkers have a theme to their abilities. For some, that theme extends to their personalities as well. And then there are Planeswalkers who can be adequately summed up in a single word. For Sarkhan, that word would be “dragons”. Sarkhan sees dragons as nature’s purest & most destructive form, and carries a fascination with them that is perfectly healthy for anything with wings and scales that breathes fire, but generally less healthy for everything & everyone else.

One of the things that makes Ravnica unique is the distinct lack of dragons (emphasis on the plural). Ravnica has a dragon, Niv-Mizzet the Firemind, who made the executive decision thousands of years ago that he alone was sufficient to represent his entire species. Ravnican dragons are considered more intelligent than dragons on other planes, Niv himself being a prime example of this. Around the original signing of the Guildpact, Ravnica’s Godlike dragons were hunted to extinction, with Niv leading the hunt against his own kind. They were not entirely successful in this endeavor, but what few dragons do remain in the present day survive by staying as far off Niv’s radar as possible. Some dragons live by carrying out Niv’s will under constant supervision, or by hunting in the untamed wilds outside the city, or as sideshow attractions for the Rakdos (usually with their wings cut off to prevent escape). They are effectively stripped of anything that would identify them as “dragons” for the sake of their own existence. Since dragons are such a notoriously touchy subject for the Firemind, few have the nerve or fire immunity necessary to speak out against it.

Sarkhan would be horrified. If he thought the extinction of dragons on his home plane of Tarkir was bad, seeing them living like this would infuriate him beyond words. What would Sarkhan do once the initial shock of seeing his spirit animal (in more ways than one) reduced to pitiful scraps of life as lab rats, scared prey, and freak shows wears off? Let’s make it a game! Do you think Sarkhan will:

A. Cry.

B. Throw up.

C. Embrace this as a plane’s reality that he has no right to get involved with.

D. Scream.

E. Set something on fire.

F. Set everything on fire.

G. Bring back the dragons.

H. Burn the city to the ground with dragons.

I. Kill Niv-Mizzet.

J. All the above except “C”.

If you selected Answer “J”, then congratulations! You’ve just won a free trip to a BURNING METROPOLIS! Sarkhan will absolutely make it his life’s goal to bring dragons back to Ravnica and destroy the whole wretched city down to the last brick. How he would do it is up to you, but it’s a solid bet that even if every other Guild treats him like an apocalyptic madman, the Gruul might side with him over some shared beliefs in smashing the city apart with ferocious animal savagery. They tend to lean towards such ideas with uncharacteristic willful compliance. Ravnican dragons are primarily red, with the most prominent breed still remaining being the Utvara Hellkites beyond the city limits.

Oh, and Sarkhan can turn into a dragon, too. Have fun with that.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

More Awesome NPCs of Ravnica

NPCs are one of the most important tools in a DM’s campaign. Your assorted guards, informants, bartenders, hench-persons, random civilians, and, of course, your quest-givers. Optimistically, you hope to have certain NPCs stick around for a while to have the party build a relationship with them, as opposed to getting murder-hobo-ed because your party doesn’t like their attitude. Which is why it’s so great that Ravnica is filled with cool NPCs who are definitely stronger than your party (for a while)!

A couple notes; I already did a list of Awesome NPCs, focusing on the Ladies of Ravnica, so this time I thought I’d try and give the boys (and Melek) some spotlight. Secondly, as I’ve by now made annoyingly apparent, I’m focusing on characters in the modern era of Ravnica, i.e. after the Decamillennial, because everything before the Decamillennial is a nightmare to figure out and you don’t need that headache.

Tajic, Blade of the Legion

You can’t have the Boros without Tajic. Well, you can, but you don’t want to. Tajic is the Legion’s Champion as well as their Mazerunner, and embodies all the ideals the Legion stands for. Unity, strength, passion; an unbreakable shield against all who would threaten Ravnica’s citizens. He is technically considered a Firefist, but special considerations should be made to give him the flavor he really deserves. Both of Tajic’s MTG cards have had some manner of protection against damage when involving other creatures. In addition, Firefists are actually primarily spellcasters, whereas Tajic is never seen without a blade in his hand or his name. So, to sum up, take a Firefist, add in some manner of damage resistance or even immunity contingent upon having allies present, throw in a weapon trick or two for his big wavy sword, and ta-da! You’ve got Tajic!

Momir Vig, Simic Visionary

I know I said no pre-Decamillennial, but Momir Vig is a special case. Technically, the former Guildmaster is dead, but the shadow of his reign still lingers over the Simic Combine. Momir Vig symbolizes everything Ravnica fears about the Combine; progress without restraint. Vig’s cytoplasts were oozes designed for personalized evolution in subjects to correct flaws and deficiencies (regrowing lost limbs, bolstering weakened immune systems, extra brain cells, etc). The only problem is that the project worked so well that Vig stopped seeing the need for consent, creating a new form of cytoplast that only needs to touch a host to bond with it. This raised some understandable concerns among Ravnican citizens, as well as the other Guilds. These concerns went to 11 when Vig’s Project Kraj, a gargantuan organism composed of thousands of cytoplasts, was activated to purge Ravnica and start over with a fresh slate. They went to a further 12 when Vig was killed, Project Kraj summoned every cytoplasm back to it (maiming, crippling, or killing a large number of hosts), and proceeded to go on a rampage that only ended after it ate Rakdos and went into a coma.

Momir Vig is exactly the kind of mad scientist to escape the grave, go underground, and continue his research unimpeded until it’s ready. A Rogue Guildmaster with no boundaries, or as we like to call it, a ready-made Big Bad.

Melek, Izzet Paragon

As with Vig, Melek is canonically dead, but that sort of “dead” that could conceivably be temporary if the story requires it. Melek is a Weird designed by Niv-Mizzet himself to be the Izzet Mazerunner. A certain sparkmage had other ideas however, so he absorbed the sentient being of pure elemental energy into himself at the start of the Maze and took its place, then tried to shock the other runners to death because, you know, winning. But following the physics principle that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only changed into a different form, it’s believable that Melek could return someday. Probably with a grudge against said sparkmage. Melek is a fascinating build, combining high-level spellcasting with complete elemental resistance or possibly even immunity. Basically, a wizard who can tank. Even more intriguing, any lab run by a being composed of pure energy would be calibrated to channel said energy, possibly allowing short-range teleportation within said lab. This is a brilliant exercise in lair mechanics, so don’t hold back. Lest we forget Melek is a personal project of the Firemind, aka, the single most brilliant, powerful, and egocentric fire-breathing ancient dragon wizard in Ravnican history.

Tomik Vrona, Distinguished Advokist

Given the Orzhov Syndicate’s seeming fascination with being a faceless hierarchy of priests, lawmages, ghosts, tax collectors, etc; it’s nice to have another face with a name. Tomik Vrona is a lawmage who apprenticed under Teysa Karlov herself, making him a master of Ravnican law. It also makes him uncharacteristically open to relationships with other Guilds, as he is effectively Teysa’s link to the outside world during her imprisonment. Tomik carries a strong respect for the law, but is a passionate lover of interesting & creative loopholes. In short, he’s not inherently evil/greedy like most of the Syndicate, but still has ambition in spades. He prefers to use gargoyles for transportation, treasures every book he owns, and is canonically dating/living with that hot-tempered sparkmage mentioned previously. Whether the relationship is public or not is up to you. I personally see it as a measure of trust between the NPCs and the party; it’s a pretty controversial pairing of Guilds. It could even be a Romeo & Juliet (Julio?) kind of affair, just putting that out there.

Vorel of Hull Clade

If Momir Vig represents the dark side of the Simic Combine’s experiments, Vorel represents the infinite possibility they can offer. A former Gruul shaman, he made the decision to give up a piece of his clan’s territory to a Boros Legion garrison to better fortify their home turf, and was nearly killed when they turned on him for perceived cowardice. Vorel escaped and joined the Combine, where he was given Merfolk traits and an environment that embraced his ideas & strategic thinking. Vorel is extremely grateful to his new Guild, and believes himself to be an example of how anything is possible through the Simic, no matter one’s origins. His strong passion & drive have led to great breakthroughs, but he’s definitely more emotionally-driven than most Simic researchers. Here is a Biomancer that isn’t afraid to get dirty or bloody in combat. This could be a fun experiment in crafting a Simic Melee Weapon.

Tolsimir Wolfblood, Ledev Guardian

You know that one leader elf in fantasy stories who everyone else takes orders from but never fights themselves? Yeah, this isn’t that elf. This is what you wish that elf was, a warrior archer who leads his soldiers into battle atop a giant dire wolf and kicks some serious ass. The Ledev are Selesnya’s elite mounted force, skilled fighters, archers, swordsmen, and even spellcasters. They are the cavalry, the breaking dawn on Hornburg, the “oh shit” in an enemy’s mouth. Please don’t make the mistakes of countless fantasy novels by being on bad terms with such badass warriors. Having any member of the Ledev behind you should be a boost to the party’s courage & resolve. Having Tolsimir fight alongside you should be one of the greatest honors of your life. The chance to finally recreate that “besties” relationship between Legolas & Gimli as you see who can kill the most enemies in battle.

Domri Rade, City Smasher

I hesitate to include Domri, I genuinely do. He’s a scraggly little punk who nearly brought about the destruction of the Gruul (and all of Ravnica) ultimately because he was too weak and too stupid. I include him here out of respect for the lore, but you can honestly do better. Domri Rade was considered too small & weak for any Gruul clan, so he instead bonded with the savage animals of the Rubblebelt, eventually discovering he could incite them into stampedes at will. This new power finally granted him admission into Borborygmos’ own Burning Tree Clan, but he panicked during the burial rite of passage and planeswalked away for the first time. Eventually he learned to control his powers, returned to the Rubblebelt, challenged Borborygmos for leadership of the Burning Tree clan, and won by sending wave after wave of stampeding boars to trample the cyclops Guildmaster. He was enlisted by Nicol Bolas to help destroy Ravnica, and failed to realize that meant him too as an eternal ripped out his Planeswalker Spark, killing him. Domri Rade is basically a cheap knockoff of Garruk Wildspeaker, only smaller and weaker and dumber and infinitely less dangerous. He is, however, considered by many to be an omen of the End-Raze, heralding the return of the Boar God Ilharg and the burning down of Ravnica by the Gruul who follow the Old Ways. So maybe play up that angle if you include him in your campaign.

Ral Zarek, Izzet Viceroy

If you only include one NPC from any of my lists in your Ravnica campaign, you must include Ral Zarek. Failing to do so is denying your players the opportunity to interact with the single coolest character in Ravnica. He beats out Vraska for the sole reason that he’s a much more public & accessible figure than the Gorgon Assassin, and an unexpected encounter with him is significantly less likely to end in your death/petrification. Between his good looks, cocky grin, brilliant mind, and lightning powers that put Thor to shame; Ral is certain to make any situation more interesting. He’s a great contact to have within the Izzet, a brilliant researcher, extremely talented with designing gadgets or magic items, an astonishingly powerful magic user, and a fun guy to hang around with. He can definitely have a temper on him, so understand when to back away. Hint: His hair turns from black to white when his electromancy powers are activating. You’ll also probably notice the sounds of static discharge building up around him, perhaps a faint smell of ozone, crackling energy coming from his gauntlet, and, oh yeah, his eyes glow and his smile turns into a growling grimace of death as he fills you with lightning. Whether by design or accident, Ral is basically the mascot for Ravnica, and it’s almost unthinkable for him to be absent from a campaign set there.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Alignment

Figuring out where on the spectrum of beliefs, morals, and neutrality your character falls can be a challenge. One individual’s Chaotic Good is another’s Lawful Evil. To help clarify things, most campaigns include alignment for significant NPCs, and one can often draw a line between that NPC and that alignment. This doesn’t apply to every NPC, but the more important someone is, the more they come to represent a specific section of the moral grid in a campaign.

Ravnica does this as well, with most of the alignment chart represented by a Guildmaster. This isn’t completely uniform, however, so there’s wiggle room for an NPC to lean one way or the other as fits the story. There are some pretty safe bets, however, who can be counted on to check certain boxes at all times.

Isperia of the Azorius Senate: Lawful Neutral

Isperia represents the goal of the Azorius; objective devotion to upholding the laws as they are written. She was elected to her position because of her ability to look passed right & wrong, instead focusing solely on interpreting Ravnica’s 10d6 of Psychic damage legal system for all disputes.

Lazav of House Dimir: Neutral Evil

Lazav is the Dimir at their most annoying but least murderous. Blatant disregard for everyone’s privacy, but preference for stealing, secrets, and information over assassination. Lazav infiltrates every Guild, including his own, always determined to stay several steps ahead of any potential threat. This is not to say he won’t kill people if necessary, but his is a cold, “bloodstained calculus” methodology. It’s never personal.

Rakdos of the Cult of Rakdos: Chaotic Evil

On this plane, Rakdos is the living embodiment of Chaotic Evil, a title he takes very seriously. It’s just about the only thing he takes seriously, as he prefers to live without rules and have everyone else do the same. Unrestrained hedonism and mayhem are his bread & butter. You do what you want, whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want, regardless of what anyone or anything else says. No restrictions, no inhibitions, no hesitation. Encouraging this kind of destructive chaos in the streets is the only thing keeping Rakdos from embracing more orthodox Chaotic Evil behavior of slaughtering millions, enslaving thousands, and bowing to no one.

The Obzedat of the Orzhov Syndicate: Lawful Evil

Hard to believe there can be something worse than an actual Demon given permission to encourage every sin imaginable, but that is what the Ghost Council are. The Obzedat exist to stretch, bend, and twist every law designed to maintain order, neutrality, or justice so as to benefit themselves. What’s worse is how the Orzhov play innocent when they do it. Unlike the Dimir or the Rakdos who accept and even embrace society’s interpretation of their actions, the Orzhov refuse to be seen as anything but humble, spiritual, gracious public servants. The very antithesis of what they actually are; arrogant, miserly, manipulative bastards. They will point out exactly which laws they are not breaking, which laws there is insufficient evidence to prove they are breaking, and which laws prevent you from punching them in the face right now.

Trostani of the Selesnya Conclave: Neutral Good

If there’s one thing to be said for Selesnya, it’s that they are rarely the problem. The Conclave is perfectly content to keep to their fields & forests most of the time and focus solely on building up their own Guild. In a city where every Guild has a problem with every other Guild, Selesnya is the only one who at least tries to get along with everyone else. They don’t tend to get involved in matters that don’t concern them, but theirs is always a safe haven for those who seek it. Trostani is made up of three dryads representing Harmony, Life, and Order. You don’t get much more Neutral Good than that. The only problem is that Trostani basically never leave their Guildhall, so their influence only spreads so far. The reason they can live so peacefully is because so little of the chaotic city life overlaps into theirs.

Besides them, everyone has wiggle room and gray area to move around in. Both Niv-Mizzet and Borborygmos are canonically Chaotic Neutral, but with their most prominent personality traits being vanity & anger, respectively, the “Neutral” part of that can go out the window quick. Still, almost every Guild has at least a semblance of a position somewhere on the chart to start from. You can basically count on a member of each Guild to be at least:

Azorius Senate: Lawful

This is the Guild that writes the laws of Ravnica, after all. They literally draw their power from this ancient legal code, so it makes sense that, whether an Azorius leans more towards Good, Evil, or Neutrality, they do so lawfully.

Boros Legion: Good

If the Azorius follow the intellectual letter of the law, the Boros follow the passionate spirit for which said law was originally written. Justice, not legal-ese. Sometimes the law is good enough, but sometimes it fails its citizens. A Boros should be an inspiring force for Good, whether Lawful or Chaotic depends on the individual.

House Dimir: Neutral

The best a Dimir operative can hope to achieve, morally speaking, is neutrality. If you are working for this Guild, you are lying & stealing. Odds are you are infiltrating another Guild to find/steal information to report back to your superior(s). Not every Dimir agent does this willingly, however. Maybe a character only became a Dimir operative after finding out their mentor was. Maybe a character had nowhere else to turn and no one else to depend on. Maybe they just needed House Dimir’s connections to get them close enough to someone in another Guild who wronged them. Whatever the motivation, cling to that gray area of neutrality like your life depends on it. It’s all you’ve got.

Gruul Clans: Chaotic

Gruul are many things. “Lawful” is not one of them. If you’re a member of a Gruul Clan, you’ve definitely got a bit of a temper on you and a strong disregard for authority. Now, a Gruul can absolutely be a force for good, or, conversely, evil. Maybe you joined the Gruul after your ancestral home was bulldozed over for a smelly Izzet facility. Maybe you had a mental breakdown after decades of trying to uphold law in a city where the laws mean jack shit unless there’s a guy in blue sitting at his desk. Maybe you got tired of planting trees and getting stepped on. Maybe you don’t like the pretentiousness of so-called “artists”. Maybe you just like hitting things. Whatever your reason, the Gruul will welcome another anarchist.

Golgari Swarm: Chaotic/Evil/Neutral

The Golgari Swarm are the first Guild where you’re really going to find a lot of diversity in alignment. Some definitely fall into the chasm of Chaotic Evil Necromancers, others stand firmly in the fields of True Neutral Rot Farmer, and some idly wander between the two. Necromancy is pretty normal in Golgari society, and “Evil” can be considered a harsh word to describe it. It’s definitely more normalized in the Undercity than it is on the surface. A lot of typically Evil behavior is like that for the Golgari, lest we forget that this society of giant bugs, necromancers, zombies, medusa, etc also run the sewage system and food stamps program for the city. That said, there are definitely Golgari with sufficient ambition/motivation to become ready-made Big Bads. What is a Lich, after all, but a wizard who says, “No, I’m too important to die!”

Izzet League: Chaotic

If there’s one predictable aspect of the Izzet, it’s that they are unpredictable. For a Guild whose founding principle is “I wonder what would happen if....”, it’s best to accept that you’ll never be Lawful. Your job, as it is, is to look at laws (nature, physics, etc) and poke at them with electrodes to see what happens. Your focus will always be on things that haven’t been written down yet, as opposed to what already has. It’s almost literally impossible to be Lawful and Izzet for that reason alone. As far as Good, Evil, and Neutral go; that’s up to the individual. This experiment could replicate food so we never have to eat Golgari rations again! Or it could replicate essential personnel to prevent understaffing! Or, it could even replicate.... ME (cue maniacal laughter).

Orzhov Syndicate: Lawful

The Orzhov, like the Azorius, draw their power and influence from the laws of Ravnica. Evil is expected, though not mandatory, but Lawful is a requirement. An Orzhov who doesn’t know their way around Ravnica’s laws is a loose end, and the Orzhov don’t allow loose ends to jeopardize their schemes & ambitions. One can absolutely be a Lawful Neutral Orzhov, also known as an Accountant, but such individuals rarely find their way into a life of adventure. A Lawful Good Orzhov can exist, but your greatest adversary will be the large majority of your Guild who sees you as a potential threat to their illicit activities. In which case, you’ll want to know those laws even better than they do.

Cult of Rakdos: Chaotic

Chaos is mandatory, evil is encouraged. By “Evil”, we mean “things people tell you are Evil”. Anything you would do while drunk you should be able to do at all times! There’s really only three rules in the Cult of Rakdos:

Rule #1, Rakdos is #1

Rule #2, JUST DO IT

Rule #3, Don’t be boring

Being Neutral breaks Rule 3, being Good breaks Rule 2 and/or 3, and being Lawful breaks all 3 rules. Which reminds me of the fourth rule:

Rule #4, NEVER break Rule #1

Truthfully, being Chaotic Good or Chaotic Neutral is perfectly fine as long as you don’t impede on someone else’s hedonism without a reason, or lack thereof. As long as you’re being free & crazy, that’s what really matters.

Selesnya Conclave: Good

As stated with Trostani, Selesnya is a pretty consistent force of Good, if nothing else. They don’t really do hate, you know? Life in the Conclave is pretty uniformly Good, so why make trouble? Why can’t everyone just be Good? In short; ‘cause they don’t wanna, none of your business, go hug a tree, and/or because fire is FUN. Lawful fits some individuals but can just get in the way for others. Neutral is pretty solid but some things must call you to act. Chaotic is if you really want to embrace being a Nature Warrior in a planet-sized cityscape. Selesnya is the Guild for goodie two-shoes, as if that’s a bad thing.

Simic Combine: Any

The Simic Combine is the one Guild that can honestly fall anywhere on the alignment chart. The Guild started out as Doctors, Naturalists, and preservers of life. Now it also operates large-scale bioengineering. You can have a Lawful Good Simic Paladin committed to preserving life and health, a True Neutral Simic Forcemage (Druid) dedicated to living a simple life bolstering plant growth, or a Chaotic Evil Simic Wizard who has decided on everyone’s behalf that flippers and gills are now mandatory. Just like science can be used for great Good, great Evil, or mundane routine, the Simic Combine can turn its experiments to any purpose, depending on the individual. And whereas the Izzet are firmly Chaotic, the Simic have the foresight to think ahead before they try an experiment. You can be anything you want in the Simic Combine, just plan it out.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Goals

Ravnica is a big city. Ravnica is the Big City. The biggest, craziest, strangest, wildest, most awe-inspiring city ever built. It yields to no one, not even the Living Guildpact. They have power, yes, and their words carry with them the most powerful magic on this plane; but only within the written laws that have been in place for thousands of years. Ravnica is not a sandbox for Jace to mold to his will; it is a living, breathing organism that Jace is charged with looking after. Not to keep bullying the Mind Mage, but he has a pretty poor track record of doing a job that effectively boils down to “stay in one place and read books”.

At its core, Ravnica will always do what Ravnica has done for millennia. Mainly claw and scratch for any advantage in the ten-way Tug-Of-War that has been raging since the Guilds first found the end of a rope. The game never ends and never will. Temporary alliances can cause certain Guilds to pull together against other Guilds for a time, but the game always goes back to every Guild making snarky comments about the others eventually. In desperate situations against seemingly all-powerful new threats, the Guilds can put aside their differences to pull together for a time, but always with the understanding that once the threat is over they will all take their places again and resume where they left off. This can be frustrating for players used to or even enthralled by the idea of becoming the Savior(s) of the World.

Ravnica is not something that can be fixed because it doesn’t need to be. Barely-constrained chaos is and will always be the natural order of things. The Azorius Senate will come up with new laws. The Boros Legion will fight. House Dimir will poke its head into other people’s business. The Izzet League will invent. The Gruul Clans will resist. The Golgari Swarm will farm. The Simic Combine will experiment. The Orzhov Syndicate will scheme. The Selesnya Conclave will grow. The Cult of Rakdos will party. Your characters are never going to change any of these things, and that’s all right. Your goals should never be to change this world into something besides what it already is. Doing so would take away the fun of this crazy world.

So let’s talk about what kind of goals you, your characters, and your campaign should shoot for.

Short-Term Goals

If you’re just doing a Ravnica One Shot, or even if you just don’t know how much people are going to able to commit, Ravnica is full to the brim with possibilities. Literally, you can just draw Ravnica-themed MTG cards into a hand and piece together a story from whatever you get.

In these circumstances, your goals can be fairly short-term. Find someone/something, retrieve someone/something, stop someone/something, fight someone/something, do it, have a drink & celebrate. Your character goals can be as simple as just doing their jobs (Azorius maintaining order, Dimir finding information, Selesnya preserving life, Gruul rebelling against authority, Rakdos having a good time, etc). If you want something more personal, finding a connection between each of the party’s Guilds and the target is not only easy but fun to write.

The thing that makes Ravnica such a fun campaign atmosphere is the same thing that can make it frustrating; constant conflict. Any two Guilds can have a thousand reasons not to like each other, or, alternatively, a thousand reasons to work together. It can be differing Guild lifestyles, differences in opinion, shared interests, shared passions, old debts, past favors, or just trust/distrust in an individual. No two Guilds are required to get along, but at the same time, no two Guilds are required to hate each other. If your party has an Azorius Lawmage and a Rakdos Blood Witch, they can be at each other’s throats or they can be old friends who took different paths somewhere down the line. Your Guild is a choice, not a fate. Jace the Mind Mage was raised by Gruul. To this day, he still wears their tattoos.

*Be warned, once you’ve realized the unlimited possibilities this affords your character, you’re gonna want more.

Mid-Range Goals

If your group wants to commit to a longer stay in Ravnica, then it’s time to really flesh out your character and where they stand. It may even be necessary to retcon your characters into another Guild at this point, or begin a storyline to switch over. Anything can be fun short-term, but if you’re determined to go 6-12 levels in a Guild, you’ll want to be sure they are a good fit with your character. All ten of Ravnica’s Guilds come from Magic The Gathering’s 5-color wheel, coinciding with each possible two-color combination, meaning each Guild has common ground with others, but also important distinctions.

The Azorius, Boros, and Orzhov all have law & order as a central theme, but very different interpretations for it. The Azorius Senate write laws and prioritize order, whereas the Boros Legion enforce the laws but prioritize justice. The Orzhov Syndicate value neither and work to subvert each to their own ends.

Both the Simic Combine and Izzet League are built around creativity and invention. However, the Simic are much more rooted in biological (aka, walking, breathing) science, such as the Krasis iconic to their Guild. The Izzet are much more theoretical in their experimenting, endlessly curious to try something to see what will happen. They like playing with elements and physics. Simic experiments are long-term commitments, Izzet are spontaneous bursts of inspiration.

The Gruul, Golgari, Simic, and Selesnya Guilds all have a foundation in the natural world. Their interpretations of such are where the differences come out. Selesnyans build their lives around nurturing and revitalizing nature, while the Combine seeks to improve upon it. The Golgari apply the natural order to everything, including themselves, becoming a walking (possibly shambling) depiction of the plant life cycle in action. Life & death intertwined in an almost infinite cycle. And the Gruul Clans, while once the caretakers and preservers of Ravnica’s natural environments, have over time had those duties diverted from them into the Simic and Selesnya Guilds, leaving them to ferociously preserve the few untamed wilds Ravnica has left after 10,000 years of urbanization and to oppose any attempted encroachment on it from ambitious developers.

The Cult of Rakdos and Gruul Clans are both chaotic, violent, and revel in opposing authority. The Gruul do it out of anger and fairly justified resentment towards the city while the Cult does it literally for shits & giggles. Strangely enough, the savage rock-smashers can have more complexity to them than the daredevil street artists.

House Dimir and the Orzhov Syndicate both thrive on their dealings outside the law and under the table. Strangely enough, while both claim it’s just business, only House Dimir really stick by that code. They are the true embodiment of Neutral Evil, willing to stealing from anyone (including their own Guild members) for the right price. The Orzhov Syndicate, on the other hand, will exploit any loophole they can devise to avoid doing anything they don’t want. While the Dimir know to never be found near the scene of a crime, the Orzhov’s preferred method is to negotiate, lawyer, or bribe their way out of any & all consequences, and call themselves innocent. They are the literal worst.

Orzhov, Golgari, Rakdos, and Dimir all offer assassination services. The distinction comes from whether you want to send a message, erase an undesirable, make a spectacle, or never get caught; respectively.

For new players still learning about Ravnica, a distinct adventure focusing on each Guild is a great way to get comfortable with the setting. It helps how distinctive each Guild is from all the others; your players will quickly learn the differences between a Selesnyan Healer, a Simic Healer, and a Golgari Healer (Hint: one’s organic, one’s bioengineering, and one’s necromancy). By the time you’ve hit all ten, you should have a good foundation for the state of the city worked out for the campaign. Keeping all ten Guilds in line is an adventure all its own, just ask Jace Beleren. There’s always something going on.

Alternatively, you can aim for stopping plans originating from a single Guild. This city has a group for everyone, no matter how strange their beliefs, and the winds of change stop for no one, so taking down one problem is extremely unlikely to stop the higher purpose. There will always be another, bigger, problem. Bring in a spy, his handler steps in. Stop the handler, the cell leader gets involved. Defeat the cell leader, a cleaner gets called. Expose the cleaner, Assassins riding Nazgul descend upon thee. Kill that, and you become a problem for the entire organization.

The BBEG for a mid-range campaign can include a Guildmaster. Depending on which Guildmaster that is, the amount of preparation that will be required to triumph can range from “a shit ton” to “a fucking deus ex machina”. Regardless of Challenge Rating, they are going to be hard. If you think Zegana, Prime Speaker is going to battle without her personal entourage of gigantic Krasis, you are dead in the water. If you think Lazav the Multifarious will be a pushover once he has nowhere left to hide, you are falling right into his trap. If you think you can beat Borborygmos, Mightiest of the Mighty, by flying out of his range and chucking spells at his low AC, there’s a rock with your name on it. If you think Trostani, Chorus of the Conclave, are just a trio of singing tree-worshippers, they live inside the biggest sentient tree in existence.

If you think Niv-Mizzet is just a Dragon or Rakdos is just a Demon; you deserve the humiliating death they bestow you. Honestly, you want to do everything you can do avoid fighting those two if your campaign isn’t planning on going all the way. They are both top-tier monsters; manipulative, intelligent, durable, moody, and terrifyingly powerful. Even worse, they’re smug and masters of gloating. Beating a smug bastard feels awesome, but getting wrecked by them SUCKS.

Long-Haul Goals

If your party is determined to see a full campaign through start to finish, the stakes get bigger. To maintain conflict and challenge all the way to level 20, the threats reflect the amount of power you will be wielding. The Big Bads you are facing will be attempting to upset the chaotic status quo that has existed in Ravnica since its creation. If the Living Guildpact is around, someone is probably trying or has succeeded in killing/replacing them. If the Living Guildpact isn’t around, war has likely broken out in the streets. One Guild may be making a vie for power that will finally give them a conclusive edge over the other Guilds in the endless tug-of-war. Two or more Guilds may be pushing to eradicate several other Guilds whose antics and constant interference has been getting in their way for too long. Or an outside invading force may be materializing on Ravnica’s doorstep with the goal of either subjugating or erasing Ravnica itself. It’s the end of the world as we know it, and that’s not fine. Anything strong enough to challenge a planet-sized city of ten armies on their home turf is going to be, by necessity, seriously nasty.

The Living Guildpact makes for a good MacGuffin. It’s something supremely powerful but also complex enough to develop over a long period of time. They are the most powerful being on Ravnica, but becoming the LG is not as simple as poisoning Jace Beleren’s tea and taking unlimited power from his corpse. Going by the lore, losing one Guildpact will likely necessitate another Maze Run to choose the next. If you want to homebrew another method of transferring the power to an usurper, other problems present themselves. A rogue LG means nothing if the other Guilds refuse to comply. The power of the LG comes directly from Ravnica’s laws. They do not make the laws, they are the force that makes specific laws unbreakable. The process of putting new laws into effect requires the compliance of a recognized representative from every single Guild. Any would-be LG will need powerful influence within each of the other Guilds to make any creative changes to the Guildpact. They can’t just grab a Tom, Dick, or Sue from every Guild and make them say “you’re the Guildpact, Big Bad”. You’re looking for lieutenants powerful enough to be problematic on their own.

If your Big Bad is one or more Guilds going rogue, something will need to happen to upset the stalemate that’s existed among the Guilds for 10,000 years. If the angels of the Boros Legion could just kill Rakdos the Defiler, they would have done it 10,000 years ago, believe me. But not only have they failed to kill the Demon Lord of Riots, they have signed into an agreement with him & his in the name of actual peace. Some Guilds may be more inclined towards Big Bad behavior than others, but every Guild has the capacity to be the Big Bad.

A Big Bad Azorius will basically look like the Roman Empire.

A Big Bad Boros will basically be the Rapture. And/or the Crusades.

A Big Bad Dimir will look like 1984.

A Big Bad Golgari is a zombie apocalypse, plus Medusa.

A Big Bad Gruul is a Mad Max Thunderdome post-apocalypse.

A Big Bad Izzet is whatever Niv-Mizzet has been plotting towards for the last 16,768 years. Think The Matrix, but instead of machines, a Giant Ancient Dragon Wizard.

A Big Bad Orzhov is basically the Spanish Inquisition.

A Big Bad Rakdos is Rakdos actually acting like a Demon Lord.

A Big Bad Selesnya is the armies of the Elves & Ents from Lord of the Rings, and you’re the orcs at Saruman’s tower.

A Big Bad Simic is literally Godzilla.

Taking on something of this scale is going to require your character(s) to draw on every relationship they’ve built within every Guild. Whatever personal goals you might have started with are likely resolved; now you fight for Ravnica’s survival. You are fighting to restore this pain-in-the-ass city of constant conflict to the same barely-functioning status quo it started with. Because by now, you’ve kinda grown attached to it. The thing that makes Ravnica so good at drawing new players in is the fantastic variety of philosophies, lifestyles, and personalities that make up the city. It’s confusing to start, yes, but once you’ve been around long enough, a sort of natural order starts to become apparent. You stop seeing any Guild as good or evil and start seeing them as just different paths for people to take. As crazy as it might seem sometimes, the city works. It may not be perfect, but it will never be boring.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Bars & Taverns

It may be a Dungeons & Dragons cliché, but the reason is solid enough. Bars & taverns are a good place for characters to meet up, adventures to start, information to be gathered, and spontaneous fights to break out because the Fighter/Barbarian wants to hit something.

Seeing as Ravnica is only ever one person’s absence from descending into complete chaos, it’s very important to have places for its citizens to have a drink, have a bite, sing bad songs, and blow off steam. Whether you are an Izzet researcher looking for people to bounce invention ideas off of, a Rakdos cultist looking to build up your fanbase, a Boros wojek getting off a three-week shift in the Rubblebelt, or a Dimir agent eavesdropping on persons of interest; a bar can offer something for everyone. All the establishments listed below are canonical, aka from official Ravnica Lore, but in keeping with the tradition of said lore, there’s very little in the way of description and a good number of them exist outside the District 10 map you have to work with. Are you even surprised anymore? Anyway, here are some of the most intriguing watering holes to grab a drink in.

The First Vineyard

Located in Old Rav (Ninth District), one of the deeper & older areas of Ravnica, lies a Golgari tavern whose main claim to fame is that it is Ravnica’s oldest tavern. How old? Who knows. Considering the Golgari have embraced death, rot, preservation, and fermentation as a way of life, it’s a reasonably safe bet you’ll find the oldest and most well-aged wines in the entire plane in this spot. Some of these bottles are probably older than the Guildpact.

If you need to impress someone fancy and you don’t mind being surrounded by the smell of death, this is the place to go. Orzhov believe expensive taste coincides with great taste and thus place high value on objects of (predictably) high value. Hence they have pretty much cornered the market on the kind of expensive goods they value, meaning one has to buy Orzhov to fit in with Orzhov and one has to be Orzhov to afford to buy Orzhov. If you want to skip all that, this should be your first & only stop. This vineyard won’t break your bank, and a little prestidigitation is all it takes to prepare it for the most snobbish of advokists. As with most things Golgari, the recipient is always much happier not knowing where (or who) the cuisine came from.

Titan’s Keg Tavern

Also located in the Ninth District, in the burned-down & often rebuilt neighborhood of Merrytown, lies a pub designed specifically for clients of particularly advanced vertical prowess, aka, GIANTS. At least 4 different guilds include giants among their ranks (Boros, Orzhov, Gruul, Rakdos), and while the city has gone to notable lengths to accommodate these individuals in all city establishments, whether a chair can withstand one sitting down can still be pretty hit or miss. But not here.

This bar is the best place in Ravnica to find a giant, regardless of guild. This is also the best place in town to eat in silence without causing any fuss. Not because it’s quiet, it certainly isn’t (can you even imagine giant karaoke?), but because every patron in this bar is at least 12ft tall, smashes things for a living, and comes here so they can forget about little people for a while. If you are the little person who disrupts that, you are going to have a giant-sized tavern full of angry giant-sized GIANTS teach you some manners. And it doesn’t matter what level you’re at, 25 giants will kill you.

Just getting into this tavern can be an adventure. As the tavern’s main draw is that it’s built specifically for giants, not being one gives you a definite disadvantage. Imagine walking in and a 15ft-tall host (in a suit) asks you if you have a reservation. Imagine trying to muscle your way in passed a Giant in sunglasses who has skipped “bouncer” and gone straight to “splatter”. Imagine a heavily tattooed Bolrac Clan Smasher meeting you at the door with “Welcome to Giant’s Keg Tavern. How tough you?” Imagine a line scrawled on the entrance that says “you must be this tall to enter”.

The Smoking Wreckage

Located in the 4th Precinct of District 10 (huzzah, something actually on the map), the Smoking Wreckage is a (you might have guessed it) Izzet League bar. Expect mixology taken to places it’s never been before. Your drink may bubble, fizzle, explode, polymorph you into a viashino, trigger a wild magic surge, or teleport you into Ral Zarek’s personal laboratory. Or worse, it might get you drunk enough to try another one.

Most likely you won’t have to worry about bar brawls in here, the beer itself is far more dangerous than the broken bottle. Remember, the name isn’t just for flavor in here. This bar is still an Izzet facility and prone to spontaneous uncontrolled reaction; i.e. blowing up. The setup that makes all of this possible makes The Smoldering Wreckage just as much a laboratory as anything in Nivix, except with booze added to the equation.

And you thought Rakdos clubs were dangerous.

The Broken Toybox and Gore House

Speak of the Demon and his pubs shall appear. Hidden discreetly in Precinct 6 are Gore House, a club notorious even by Rakdos standards, and The Broken Toybox, a tavern/brothel that definitely doesn’t have anything strange going on in the basement. You don’t really go to either of these places for the food.

(Dramatic Voice) You go looking for trouble.

What can you expect at a typical Rakdos club? Blood, pain, fire, sharp objects, and entertainment that is guaranteed to take someone’s breath away. So for Gore House, expect that dialed up to eleven. This is where the heavy hitters of the Cult of Rakdos do their biggest shows. Judith the Scourge Diva, Masters of Cruelty, Blood Witches, and rising stars desperate to give the audience a show they’ll never forget, no matter how hard they try. Attendance is synonymous with madness; if you aren’t crazy going in, you will be walking out. If waking up with no memories of the night before next to a dead body and covered in someone else’s blood was a club, it’d be Gore House.

As for The Broken Toybox, if the name alone doesn’t steer you away, you may already be beyond hope. "Den of Sin” just barely scratches the surface. This is where the Cult brings your most twisted and depraved dreams to life behind closed doors with spiked chains on them. If you or a member of your party wants to go here alone, you might need to have a serious conversation with them. This is not a fun toybox. The only rational reason for delving into this dark sanctuary is trying to find something nasty. A Sire of Insanity lurking in the basement suites, a lead on Massacre Girl’s safe house, or an influential figure with dark secrets. You may wish you didn’t have darkvision after a visit.

Bitter End Tavern

Hidden within Avaric, an official Orzhov territory, but one harboring deep anti-guild atmosphere, lies the Bitter End Tavern. While not officially a Guildless-Only bar, you can definitely expect some nasty looks from the patrons if you are flashing any Guild insignias. It technically exists outside the Ten Districts, so put it wherever you want. Guildless don’t have a ton of lore, which makes this a good location for any storylines or NPCs you might have designed that don’t really fit in with any of the 10 Guilds or even Ravnica as a whole. You can basically hang a sign over the door saying “Homebrews Welcome”.

You might find ancient worshipers of the Nephilim gathered here, or groups plotting a coup against a powerful member of a particular guild. Sooner or later, any notable Guildless or Anti-Guild individual will end up here for a bite. Same time, you can also find large groups of people willing to help out other un-affiliated citizens navigate this confusing cityscape world. Heroes of the Precinct likely drink for free here, and they’re always willing to help someone in a bad place with no one else to turn to. A certain mad Voidwielder might also pop in for a nightcap between insane schemes as well. Or just your garden-variety NPC commoners in bulk, lest we forget half the population of Ravnica is Guildless.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

The Azorius Top Ten Most Wanted

Navigating the social dynamics of a city where demons run nightclubs, lich run food stamps, ghosts run banks, and a dragon runs utilities can be a daunting & confusing experience. One can’t roll initiative every time one sees a minotaur in a china shop, or a vampire at the post office, or a giant covered in barbed wire and blood in a dark alleyway. These are everyday occurrences in Ravnica and odds are if you attack any of them on general principle, it is you the cops will be arresting. You don’t want to find yourself in the situation where you’ve attacked a Medusa shopping on Tin Street and they inform the Azorius Arresters that they will be pressing charges against you.

But fear not! For there are still plenty of threats one can absolutely go to town on! All of the individuals listed below are recognized as wanted criminals by the Azorius Senate. Meaning bringing any of them in can bring one renown among the lawmages, reputation on the streets, and/or coin in the pocket. This could be your ticket to recognition and glory! Just make sure you know what you’re getting into with these individuals. The reward means little if you’re dead.

#10 Ritjit, aka "Ogre Jailbreaker"

Affiliation: Guildless

Crimes: Break-in at Vitu-Ghazi (Selesnya Guildhall), destruction of Tin Street, and escape from Udzec Maximum Security Prison. Target is considered armed and dangerous, but not particularly intelligent.

Ritjit wrecked 81% of Tin Street’s market stalls in under 20 minutes, meaning he’s both faster and more destructive than your average ogre. He’s also a notch above your average ogre in terms of intelligence. While that isn’t saying much, believe me when I say you will prefer your ogres stupid. This is the difference between an animal and an animal that’s discovered how to use tools. Ritjit’s iron ball & chain combines range and destructive power. Expect serious property damage, substantial speed, and a whopper of a multiattack.

Recall the old adage, “I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow to the knee”, but replace “arrow” with “100lb iron ball” and “be an adventurer” with “have legs”. Give the #10 spot the respect he deserves.

Last seen in the vicinity of Selesnya’s Saproling Nursery.

#9 Ruzi & Kuma

Affiliation: Formerly Selesnya Conclave

Crimes: Theft & destruction of Azorius files, arson, assault with trained wolf as a deadly weapon, transportation of contraband across rooftops.

A single Ledev Guardian isn’t that great of a threat. What you’re essentially fighting is a Knight riding a Dire Wolf. Their true strength comes in numbers, formation, and cooperation. A Ledev acting alone must rely on stealth and precision to gain the upper hand in a situation, so count on some serious Stealth and Investigation skills. Speed and Acrobatics as well, given their escape via rooftops. Odds are, any encounter with these two will be less of a fight, more of a chase.

Ruzi & Kuma are rogue operatives on a mission pertaining to the Cult of Rakdos. The exact details are unclear, as the fires used for distraction and escape caused damage to much of the floor, thus complicating the process of which files were taken and which burned. Speculations that it has to do with the massacre of Selesnyan missionaries in the Rubblebelt by a Rakdos assassin are, just that, speculations.

Current whereabouts unknown.

#8 "Lotleth Troll"

Affiliation: Golgari Swarm

Crimes: Non-ritualistic cannibalism, resisting arrest.

The Lotleth Troll is a former corpse eater who decided to save a step and eat other corpse eaters, then random citizens, then law enforcement officers attempting to bring him in. His hunting has effectively shut down all nighttime transport in the Canal District, and his use of the Ravnican pipes system has allowed him to evade capture.

Picture a Troll. Now strip back some skin, add in some Golgari Fungi providing both protection and camouflage, and throw in a trapper-spider method of stalking prey. Now make him a cannibal. Congratulations, you now have pure nightmare fuel for the average Ravnican citizen.

What we have here is an ambush predator that combines savagery, tenacity, durability, and elusiveness. If you fail to take it down in one shot, it breaks for the sewers and pipes. Its troll genes will allow it to regenerate quickly so that by the time you chase it down, it’s back to full health, has homefield advantage, and has gained the element of surprise you’ve lost. High strength for grappling prey, inherent stealth, easy navigation of its surroundings, and if there’s a nastier way to die than being eaten alive in a sewer pipe, I don’t want to know what it is.

The one light in this darkness is that the creature is not particularly choosy about its victims. Its career began out of impatience, so drawing it out may be the easiest part of dealing with it. That said, few want to volunteer as bait for a rogue corpse eater.

#7 Senka, aka "Stealer of Secrets"

Affiliation: Unknown

Crimes: Breaking & entering, theft (contents unknown), agitating the wildlife.

The one called Senka is a Guildless operative with the nerve to rob House Dimir. While the shadowy Guild claim the Dinrova building to be open to the public, in reality only the lobby has full access. The higher floors and particularly the basement are strongly warded to prevent intruders of all caliber.

And this woman slipped passed them all, walked out of the building with a lumpy parcel described as moving, and set loose a Horror kept in the basement to cover her escape. It tore through the lobby, broke out into the streets, and devoured a passing Orzhov Debt Transport (think bulky, land-based Nazgul).

What we have here is clearly someone with extensive knowledge of Arcana, Perception, Stealth, Sleight of Hand, and apparently some remarkable Animal Handling. Tracking her down is hard, nigh-impossible, as even the Dimir haven’t found her. If one does manage to find her, however, she is likely not difficult to bring down.

The real issue will be whatever she had in that bundle. Her loosing of the Horror kept in the basement suggests an affinity for these Undercity monsters, meaning she might well be raising a baby Skitter Horror as her loyal pet. That would be top-quality Bad News.

#6 Bori Andon

Affiliation: Izzet League

Crimes: Destruction of Orzhov cathedral, disintegration of Orzhov theater, partial explosion of Orzhov bank, excessive & reckless experimenting, mass property destruction, and illegal launch of a Viashino.

The Orzhov Syndicate is willing to pay top coin for this one’s head. That said, he’s well-respected within the Izzet League, who consider reckless experimenting a solid asset to one’s resumé and personality.

What you’re likely dealing with is a variant Blastseeker whose most dangerous feature is probably going to be his experiments and laboratory. Izzet labs are prone to explosions, Wild Magic, random bursts of elemental energy, and an unhealthy level of encouragement for any experiment, no matter how dangerous, as long as it produces “results”.

Izzet labs also tend to reflect their owner’s personality and “quirks”, so with Bori’s preoccupation towards propulsion, expulsion, and explosion; there’s a solid chance his lab will try to eject you several hundred feet in any given direction. If the lab is on a high enough floor, this could prove instantly fatal to any character unable to levitate, teleport, or sprout wings. Ravnican buildings range from small office buildings to cloud-piercing skyscrapers. Minimum, 5 stories. Maximum.... there are buildings & structures almost a mile high. Buildings. Plural.

#5 Krenko, Mob Boss

Affiliation: Guildless, Foundry Street Gang

Crimes: Theft from Ghost Council quarters (contents unknown), illegal use of a portal, illegal use of a thrall as an incendiary device, instigation of a riot in Sawtooth Prison, and violent escape from Azorius arresters during transfer to Udzec Maximum Security Prison. Target is to be brought in alive for questioning. Any attempts at unsanctioned questioning or interrogation of subject will result in immediate imprisonment by Azorius authorities.

Krenko’s jacket is mostly available in the GGtR. While he’s not a particularly difficult fighter (he’s a final boss for a Level 1 campaign), getting to him can still be a nuisance. Krenko isn’t a lone troublemaker you can just corner; his main power comes from his connections to Ravnica’s criminal underworld. It’s a fairly simple matter to upgrade his contacts to reflect the party’s level. Thugs, brutes, cutthroats, crooked guards, officials on the hook, and, of course, the mysterious “Mr Taz”.

The real trouble comes from getting involved with one of Mr Taz’ personal projects/associates. This would make Krenko a loose end. The Azorius Senate will only pay up if Krenko is brought in alive for questioning. Under no circumstances is the goblin boss to be questioned independently, and if either of these requirements isn’t met, you’ll find yourself in hot water with the Senate. However, if he starts talking to try and bargain his way out, you can expect to find yourself green-lit by House Dimir.

What does that mean? It means you’re going to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life. Give up on sleeping at night, you’ll make it too easy for them. Every NPC you encounter, every random citizen you pass on the street, the members of your own guild; anyone could be a Dimir agent. Every dark alley, every shadow on the wall, every noise you hear in the night could be a deadly threat. Or nothing at all.

Best case scenario when they get to you, they wipe your memory. It’s standard Dimir protocol, but it can only affect memories from within the last 24 hours. So if you’re already passed that threshold, your options get dicier. Get Feebleminded, get killed, or get on the hook. If you have information, authority, or renown that can be exploited, they will use you to cause serious damage to your guild. If you don’t comply, they green-light your friends & loved ones.

Krenko might be the easiest on this list to physically wrangle, but he comes with a lot of bad attention from scary people. Unless taking on House Dimir is one of your campaign goals, his bounty to the Azorius is not worth the Dimir’s bounty on you.

#4 “The Cozen”

Affiliation: Orzhov Syndicate

Crimes: Unsanctioned executions, bribery of Azorius officials, illegal use of Detention Sphere for purposes of torture.

Real name unknown. Contract killer for the Orzhov Syndicate, trademark is “creative interpretation of contracts”, see below:

The contract specified an appendage for a missed payment. Read the fine print: the head is an appendage.

So, start with an Orzhov Giant. Give him (or her or them) a respectable boost in ability scores, particularly in the Charisma department. Throw in at least a couple of powerful magic items to reflect the high standing of a powerful enforcer within a guild that revolves around both hoarding and grand displays of wealth. Include an Advokist (aka Mage) or two for that sense of organization and official-ness the Orzhov always try to project in their dealings. Have some Azorius NPCs on the take to negotiate targets to the desired location/killspot. Last but not least, fashion yourself a Detention Sphere magical item; most likely an item holding charges for various flavors of confinement, restraint, and submission. These potential spells will probably go all the way up to Force Cage and/or Imprisonment. However, as this is a modified Detention Sphere, each spell also comes with the ability to inflict pain on the target.

All things considered, this will be one of the easier and more straightforward targets to locate. While storming Orzhov property is certainly no walk in the park, The Cozen is a pretty active figure in Orzhov debt collection, meaning one could conceivably see them out on the streets. The main concern one should have is to avoid the Detention Sphere, as being immobilized will turn the encounter into an execution. It’s highly unlikely The Cozen will have the opportunity to perform multiple executions in a single combat, but it’s even more highly unlikely that any member of the party will volunteer for instant death. That said, this one is certain to drop some sweet loot.

#3 Damir, aka "Voidwielder"

Affiliation: Guildless

Crimes: Opening spatial rift without a permit, erasure of evidence, conspiracy against Ravnica, conspiracy against Guilds, conspiracy against Guildpact.

Welcome to the Top 3. Each of the individuals listed is designated as “Kill on Sight” to reflect the extreme dangers they pose, both to individual victims and to Ravnica as a whole. Taking down any of these three will grant city-wide recognition, a massive boost to one’s renown within their guild, and the most sincere gratitude of the Azorius Senate. But be warned, all of these figures have remained at large because they’ve slaughtered, petrified, or erased anyone who’s stood against them.

The renegade mage known as Damir owes allegiance to no guild, no group, no organization, nor even to Ravnica itself. He is a madman even the Izzet won’t touch or defend. He holds a grudge against the Guildpact and has accused every guild of mass murder. Through use of portals and rifts, he seeks to reverse time itself. The rifts are of particular danger to airborne creatures of limited intelligence, like drakes, who fly into these sparkly ripples in the atmosphere without care. On the ground, his trademark method of dealing with anyone who interferes with his work is banishment, obliterating all evidence of his crimes from existence.

You’re definitely looking at an Archmage here, for starters. With a focus on the School of Conjuration, because he’s definitely the sort of guy who’s thinking with portals. As far as “How do I turn a 20ft doorway into a weapon?”, the answer lies in where the portal goes. A Gate to the Fire Plane is effectively a 20ft tall FLAMETHROWER. A Gate to the Water Plane is a tsunami focused into a geyser. A Gate to Nowhere is like opening an airlock in deep space. Given Damir’s general contempt for humanity, he definitely seems the sort of mad mage who would prefer uninhabited planes for his terrorism, but whose to say he doesn’t open up a Gate to one of the nastier Realms of existence and all the beasties within if he wants to? Odds are he hasn’t had much of a dialogue with anyone besides himself and his Unseen Servant(s) in a long time. Who’s going to talk him out of anything?

Damir is smart, extremely smart. Given most portal spells require concentration, the ability to concentrate on more than one spell at a time feels appropriate for maximizing his destructive potential. While it’s true that only the Gate spell can actually reach other Planes, once you have it up, you can pop an Arcane Gate inside that Gate and give yourself another 10ft tall elemental disaster at a location of your choosing. Better yet, Gate lasts only a minute, but Arcane Gate, once set up, lasts for 10. Time Stop seems like a given, but since Damir’s goal is reversing time, as opposed to just stopping it, saving that 9th level spell slot for Gate seems more effective. Let Time Magic be the plot device, not an actual spell. In addition, lots of teleporting for evasion (Misty Step is your friend), and you definitely wanna give him Chromatic Orb so he can do the void magic attack on his poster. Furthermore, while Banishment seems to be the logical choice for, well, banishing anyone who interferes, in actuality it lasts only a minute and can only send creatures to their home plane of existence. It’s more of a delaying tactic than anything. If you really want to maximize portal magic, Plane Shift or Scatter are much more permanent. Counterspell to prevent other mages from interfering. As far as other offensive spells, Evard’s Black Tentacles and Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere both feel very in-character. Especially if combined....

You could also open up a portal to the Past, but since, as mentioned in earlier posts, most of Ravnican history before the last 100 years is an absolute nightmare to figure out, make sure you’re prepared before you jump into it. Plus side, if Damir’s plan is to go back to before the Guildpact, your party might get to see dragons! Downside, your party will be walking into a 10-way war.

Already stated this, but, yeah, it’s worth stating again, kill on sight.

#2 "The Unseen"

Affiliation: Golgari Swarm

Crimes: Plagiarism of Azorius statutes for the purpose of phlebotomy and murder.

Murder of Judge Azka by heart removal

Murder of Arbiter Zivan by bloodletting

Murder of slumlord Branko One-Ear by extraction of brain

Prime Suspect in disappearance of Arbiter Relov

To some, an urban legend. To others, a secret cult. Whatever the identity, the assassin known on the streets as “The Unseen” has been steadily acquiring followers to mesh out their perverted sense of justice on present and former members of the Azorius Senate.

So, yeah, Vraska has a grudge against the Azorius. In all fairness, it’s pretty justified. Think V from V for Vendetta, except it’s a Gorgon Planeswalker Assassin Pirate Queen of the Undercity. So, yeah, think really hard before getting involved in this particular dispute. However, if you are determined to step into this ugly situation....

Vraska, as stated previously, combines all of the most lethal features of an Assassin, an Undercity Medusa, a Pirate, and a Planeswalker. Vraska’s stats should reflect those of a Guildmaster. Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, and Charisma scores at-or-above 20. Legendary Actions, Legendary Resistances, Assassinate/Surprise Attack, Sneak Attack, Evasion, Cunning Action, and a Petrifying Gaze that brought down Isperia, Gargantuan Sphinx Guildmaster of the Azorius Senate. Just so you can properly understand the ramifications of that takedown; that means Isperia’s +11 Constitution (with Advantage) failed the save either by 5 once or by any amount twice. Basically, Vraska is a walking/slithering deathwish either by damage or by instant petrification.

So, step one in surviving against her is to make sure you surprise her, not the other way around. Step two is making sure she goes down, instead of planeswalking away. Meaning when you hit her, you hit hard, and you leave no chance at survival. Don’t go for the kill, go for the overkill. Plus side, although Vraska has considerable influence and followers within the Golgari Swarm, she still values her privacy & secrecy. So, if you can find her Lair, you can conceivably get the jump on her. Get that surprise round, take advantage of her squishier Hit Points as a Rogue, hit her with everything you’ve got, and pray.

Or you could just leave her alone and live a bit longer.

#1 "Massacre Girl"

Affiliation: Cult of Rakdos

Crimes: Murder, mass murder, unsanctioned execution, inciting chaos, inciting riots, massacre of Selesnyan missionaries in Rubblebelt. Prime suspect in 47 open murder cases. Additional information lost during fire at South Records Hall.

Vraska may be the toughest on this list, but the crazed murderer known only as “Massacre Girl” definitely holds the highest body count. She has openly promised to kill any official who investigates or detains her and is a favorite follower of Rakdos the Defiler. Whether she performs under orders or just for her own twisted delight, no one can say. Her trademark is high body counts.

Build-wise, you’re looking at a Rogue/Fighter combination. High Dexterity, Charisma, Stealth, Deception, Sleight of Hand, and every buff the Cult of Rakdos can offer someone. Surprise Attack, Sneak Attack, any ability that involves blood could work. But in order to really let Massacre Girl live up to her reputation, give her as many opportunities to attack as physically possible. Multi-Attack, Bonus Action, Reaction, or possibly even Legendary Actions. With Massacre Girl, quantity is going to be key, as her main weapons are only likely to be a spiked chain and a magic dagger of some rarity. Multi-Attack should include at least 3 Dagger attacks, possibly even up to 5. Utilizing the spiked chain for a Bonus Action to grab potential victims could work, as could leaving behind caltrops or other sharp objects while disengaging or dashing.

Her driving goal will be to inflict as much damage on as many targets as possible. Meaning she’s most likely to turn up somewhere with lots of innocent bystanders and immediately start slaying people. Much of the difficulty in dealing with her will be in getting through the crowds of people running away, and not losing sight of her in the chaos. If she gets behind you, you’re looking at a nasty flurry of stabs with advantage. Make no mistake, she’s going to do everything in her power to turn the encounter into a bloodbath, and no matter how hard you try, someone is going to die.

While you bury the last of her victims, let the knowledge that Ravnica no longer has to live in fear of this murder-crazed psychopath help you find peace.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

8 Interesting Places

Welcome back to another look at the sprawling chaotic cityscape that is Ravnica! Are you tired of the usual taverns and back alleyways common to all D&D campaigns? Are there buildings and locations a normal city would have that just seem to be missing from the limited maps available in the GGtR? Do you not have time to scour through Ravnican lore on a Wiki? Well fret no more! Here today we have 8 interesting, exciting, and possibly extremely dangerous locations for your Ravnica campaign! As with most lore in this campaign setting transferred over from a trading card game, details are very scarce about these locations; where they are, what goes on there, what they look like, etc. You’re going to be filling in the holes with your own details. As you’re probably getting used to doing by now, when in doubt, make sh*t up.

#1 Udzec Maximum Security Prison

This is the Big House. You don’t end up here for a drunken brawl at the bar, kicking an Azorius Lawmage in the nuts, or being exposed as a Dimir operative in the Orzhov Syndicate. This is where the Azorius put away individuals who have proven themselves to be serious threats to Ravnican society. Such acts range from smashing up Tin Street to disintegrating an entire building to threatening the existence of the entire city of Ravnica!

Udzec is located in the Second Precinct of the 10th District (aka, the map you have to work from). Most of the Second Precinct is firmly Azorius territory. Their Guildhall is there, their offices, their courts, their prisons, their officers and officials. To this degree, the greatest defense measure for Udzec is the fact that breaking out of the prison itself doesn’t mean anything if you can’t get out of the whole precinct before every available Azorius arrester is on you.

#2 The Moon Market

Held only once in every 5 full moons, the pretty obviously named “Moon Market” is the mecca of forbidden wares and contraband. Anything guaranteed to get you arrested for possession of will be in there, as well as other potential buyers who, by the very fact that they are in this blackest of Black Markets, should not be messed with. This is where the nastiest, scariest, and most dangerous individuals come to shop. Rakdos Blood Witches, Golgari Lich Lords, Dimir Assassins, Orzhov Tithe Drinkers, and unaffiliated psychopaths just trying to make the voices happy. Good news, you don’t have to worry about law enforcement here! Bad news, anyone here may try to kill you and your body would never be found.

The market is held in the Sixth Precinct, run predominantly by the Orzhov and the Golgari. It’s a safe bet that half the population here is undead, making wandering around the precinct at night at best a death wish and at worst an undeath wish. This means anyone in your group who is a cleric, paladin, or specializes against undead should stay home. They are not welcome in this market and the very act of showing up is likely enough to cause a TPK.

That said, if you need to find something or someone extremely dangerous, this market is, ironically, a safe bet. And if you don’t find the exact evil you’re looking for, you’ll certainly find others.

#3 Duskmantle

There are two Duskmantles. Like with many Ravnican Guildhalls, the old one has fallen into disrepair and become lost to the passage of time. The original Duskmantle was founded by the Dimir Parun, Szadek, and was among the most well-kept secrets in Ravnica throughout his reign. It is now an even more well-kept secret, being forgotten by all, except perhaps Lazav, the current Dimir Guildmaster. While the Dimir are not the type to be swayed by such things as “nostalgia”, “sentimentality”, or “great history”, they are the type to value information no one else knows. Whose to say what might remain in this former headquarters of espionage and scheming? If you wanted to hide something, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better spot than a hidden underground fortress that literally erases your memories of it when you leave.

As to where it resides, that’s anyone’s guess. The Undercity is as big as (and in some cases even bigger than) the sprawling cityscape on the surface. Compounding this is the fact that the whole Undercity is effectively a deadly labyrinth that even citizens who spend their entire lives (or afterlives) residing in will never fully master. I suppose one could ask Lazav, but several things would need to happen first:

1. Find Lazav, who is specifically designed never to be found unless he wants to be.

2. Confront the ultimate spymaster without him escaping or killing you.

3. Convince an individual who is immune to being charmed, frightened, or scryed to give you one of his most cherished(?) secrets.

4. Trust the word of someone who is incapable of being caught in a lie.

5. Traverse the Undercity’s darkest, most dangerous passages and find one of the most heavily-warded constructions in history.

6. Leave with all the memories you entered with.

So yeah, if you’ve already done six impossible things today, why not take a trip to a gloomy underground cathedral for some treasure hunting?

#4 Catacombs of the Obzedat

Within Orzhova, the opulent Guildhall of the Orzhov Syndicate, there are bejeweled catacombs wherein past & present members of the Ghost Council are interred alongside the wealth and riches they accumulated in their lives. This is where the oldest records and dealings made by the Syndicate are kept, hidden away from all but the Guildmasters. This is the heart of Orzhov power. But even beyond the riches, something even more valuable also exists.

Ancient magic predating even the Guildpact lies within these walls, making it one of the only locations on the plane where the magically binding laws hold no sway. There really is no understating the value of such a place. In a city where the laws are the single most powerful magic in existence, immunity to such magic has value beyond measure. This room is one of the biggest secrets in all of Ravnica.

No matter what sort of campaign or story you’re running, this place is a game-changer. Whether a party is intending to rob it for treasure, use it for acts that break Guildpact laws, break free from an ancient debt, borrow some of its power to take elsewhere, hit the scheming Orzhov where it hurts, or have a climactic showdown without outside interference; this is the place to do it. Getting there is the hard part, and getting out again almost impossible if you raise alarms, but there’s no denying the possible rewards if you succeed.

#5 The Jester’s Crypt

Depending on where one lives, one can occasionally forget that a 30-foot-tall Giant Demon Lord of Chaos roams the streets. Under normal circumstances, this would be cause for great alarm in citizens. However, this is Ravnica, and a living embodiment of mayhem & hedonism is not the worst thing you have to deal with on a regular basis. Odds are you have more to fear from your tax collector than Rakdos the Defiler. The Demon Guildmaster of the cult named for him does whatever he wants, and if nothing going on in the city interests him, he may well stay in his lava pit for months or even years at a time, just sleeping.

Having the demon lord’s attention can be a blessing and a curse. Having his ire, however, is pretty much the worst fate one can suffer on Ravnica. Rakdos does not tolerate anyone stealing his spotlight. If you are the poor soul who does thus, he brings you to the Jester’s Crypt to torture you forever. There are no appeals, no one is coming to rescue you, and the only people you will ever see again are similar individuals to be tortured....and Rakdos himself. It’s a door everyone knows but no one ever asks what’s inside. To do so invites suffering beyond measure.

If you are a player, you do not want to ever see this place. If someone you love/care about is sent here, any rescue is going to take preparation out the wazoo. If you’re looking for a breeding ground for tortured souls and individuals capable of challenging Rakdos the Showstopper, there’s no better place to pull one out of. It’s basically a Big Bad breeding ground for demons and malcontents. Considering the spectrum of sins to get one sentenced here ranges from talking sh*t about Rakdos when you don’t think he can hear, to openly challenging him to a deathmatch for control of the Guild, you can conceivably pull NPCs of any & every CR rating from out of here.

#6 The Red Wastes

The Rubblebelt is Gruul territory that makes up the borders around the entire city. Most of it is composed of broken buildings, smashed pavement, and, predictably, rubble. Beyond the Rubblebelt, however, lie the Red Wastes. These are the true untamed wilds of Ravnica, the last in existence. Meaning this is where the beasties too big for the Gruul to wrangle would roam. Wurms, hydras, elementals, and any other giant monsters one can have in a D&D campaign. Out here there is no law, no Guilds, no backup, no nothing. Forest, desert, grasslands, maybe even some tundra; but that’s it.

If your party needs a break from the city or needs to go hunting for rare animals/plants, this is the place they’d go. Pure, undiscovered wilderness savage enough to withstand any attempts at colonizing for over 10,000 years. Anything could be out here.

#7 The Overgrown Tomb

Deep in the Undercity, sparingly touched by rare beams of outside light, lies the lair of Vraska the Unseen. What may have once been a fountain in a plaza is now an underground mausoleum covered in moss and the petrified remains of Vraska’s victims. Given Vraska can range from an urban legend told around campfires to the deadliest assassin in Ravnica or even the Golgari Guildmaster, this, her most private of secret lairs, is one of the most well-kept secrets in all of Ravnica (lot of those, aren’t there?)

If you’ve found the Overgrown Tomb, Vraska will be seeing you shortly. If she’s in the tomb already, prepare for high tension and a strong possibility of certain death and/or petrification. If she isn’t, that’s possibly worse. Anything stolen from her lair will guarantee you a spot on her “Everyone Should Die the Death They Deserve” List. Odds are, if you stole something, she’ll steal an organ or two in return. Which means either you stay awake for the next month straight and die from exhaustion waiting for her to slither out of the shadows to murder you, or you wait around for her and try to appeal to the better nature of a Gorgon Pirate Assassin Planeswalker to hear you out and not kill you on the spot for invading her lair. If your campaign involves eliminating Vraska, this is likely where the final battle will take place. Plus side, there’s nowhere for the assassin to run, which is what assassins typically try to do. Minus side, you are fighting the deadliest individual in Ravnica in her home.

Regardless of the circumstances that might lead one to the Overgrown Tomb, this is one of the coolest places to see from a player perspective. From a character perspective, it’s one of the most terrifying places to be.

#8 The Implicit Maze

Central to The Dragon’s Maze TCG set from Magic the Gathering’s sequel release to Ravnica is the Implicit Maze, aka the Dragon’s Maze, aka Azor’s Labyrinth, aka the Ravnican Mega Dungeon. The Implicit Maze was designed by the Azorius Parun Azor I, a Sphinx, in the unlikely event the Guildpact was ever broken. Like it was. The maze itself winds and navigates its way through the territory of every Guild, hitting each of the wonderfully drawn Guildgates whose art you can post for your players to admire. It goes underground, above ground, through markets, up buildings, and in & out of the entire city. In short, it goes everywhere.

Given the size of the city and therefore the size of any puzzle path snaking its way throughout, the Implicit Maze is truly gargantuan. One could feasibly set an entire campaign around just navigating it. As far as the actual design of the maze/dungeon, there is none, or at least none that’s been released thus far. Which means one can either design their own labyrinth, or find a maze generator, or even steal layouts from other D&D modules/campaigns and just replace with Ravnican NPCs and features. Whatever floats your boat.

If you need a dungeon or even a mega dungeon, this is it. Plus, it’s designed by a Sphinx, who are notorious for being way too smart for anyone’s good (even their own), so it could conceivably have or do anything. It can be whatever sort of puzzle you need for whatever sort of character is tackling it. After all, every Guild’s champion navigated it successfully, from the brilliant mental magic planeswalker Jace Beleren to Ruric Thar the two-headed giant who negotiates corrupt authorities by smashing them with a big club.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

The Guildmasters

Each of Ravnica’s 10 Guilds is led by a “Guildmaster”; a figure or group of figures who holds the highest authority within said Guild. They call the shots, they issue commands, but more than anything, each Guildmaster exists as a representation of what their Guild stands for.

The Guildmaster is often, but not always, the highest Challenge Rating (CR) within a Guild, and all of them are extremely formidable in combat. What does this mean for players? It means you don’t fight a Guildmaster except as an absolute last resort. Most of these individuals have held their titles for decades, some for centuries, a couple for over 10,000 years. Intense preparation is needed to stand a chance of survival against any of them. Which means if your party does encounter one, your first and only priority is to make sure the social encounter does not turn into a combat encounter.

If you’re an Azorius Paladin and Rakdos, Lord of Riots wants your seat to sleep in or your helmet to take a shit in, you give it. Now is not the time to stand your ground. Rakdos will splatter you without losing a step, and he doesn’t get arrested.

If you are a Gruul Barbarian, do not throw rocks at Isperia, Supreme Judge. Because even Borborygmos isn’t going to risk that level of suicidal charge just to rescue your ass. The Gruul know the difference between “chaotic” and “stupid”.

If you are an Izzet Wizard, do not get snippy with Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind. He is a moody, vain, mercurial, 15,000 year-old dragon and has barbecued Izzet he likes more for less. You are not his equal, you are hoping to be included on his endless list of ongoing projects.

If Jarad vod Savo catches you trying to manipulate him, they will never find your body.

All Guildmasters, regardless of their alignment or nature, deserve a healthy dose of fear & respect. Standing against a Guildmaster basically means standing against their entire Guild. And no matter what Guild you belong to, they will not go to war just because you wanted to stick to your guns. Ravnica doesn’t have peace, only peace-ish. Maintaining that peace-ish means weighing & measuring the pros & cons of any situation. Every Guildmaster understands this. The balance of power has remained such that no Guild has managed a decisive edge over another in 10,000 years. That status quo is the ongoing goal for Ravnica.

While they make terrible enemies, a Guildmaster can also be your greatest ally. If they call for aide and you answer, they remember it. Having them on your side can make any number of seemingly impossible tasks suddenly possible. If it’s public knowledge that a Guildmaster has their eye on you, your world changes.

If you’ve earned the favor of Lazav, the Multifarious, consider any open contracts on you cancelled.

If you are responsible for a major payday to the Ghost Council, expect some care packages delivered on your doorstep.

If Rakdos likes you, you can get away with almost anything.

Some favor is better than others. The Golgari aren’t the type for public displays of affection, but if you’re in good with Jarad vod Savo, the Undercity becomes a slightly less dangerous place. Likewise, the best one can usually hope for within the Orzhov Syndicate is to be clear of debt, which is the rarest gift they offer. Simic favors are really only good for traveling overseas or if you have missing limbs. Regardless, a Guildmaster’s favor is still a powerful advantage to have and a Guildmaster’s ire is a dangerous target to carry.

For DMs, Guildmasters are a great way of encouraging, in fact, almost requiring roleplaying. These are the most powerful figures in all of Ravnica and getting into combat with them almost guarantees TPK. If your players are interacting with a Guildmaster, it means they are deep in that particular Guild’s territory and no backup will come to rescue them. Your players will have to pay a lot of attention to the situation, the conversation, and their next decisions. Meta-gaming won’t solve things, the only information that will help them comes from any interactions they’ve had with this particular Guild. “What do they want”, “how do they operate”, and “why should they spare me”.

Any encounter with a Guildmaster they can walk away from is a GOOD session.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

The History of Ravnica

Pack your history books and get your pencils ready, today we shall be covering the entire history of Ravnica! From the origins of the guilds, to the building of the city, through millennia of development and discovery, all the way to the present day!

A long, long, no one knows how long, time ago, Ravnica was formed.

10,100 years or so ago, there was war.

10 armies in particular were kicking ass.

Eventually, these 10 armies reached a point where they couldn’t successfully kill one another without being killed as well.

So they proposed “Not Killing Each Other, For Now”.

Then they proposed making one big city for all of them.

They built a city, but not on rock & roll, but on a magic Guildpact that made their unique ways of life the legal bedrock of the city.

For the next 10,000 years, there was peace-ish.

Each Guild spent the next 10,000 years finding loopholes and workarounds to seize more influence for themselves.

And then on the day celebrating the 10,000th year of the Guildpact, it got broken.

Then there was more war.

Then someone thought up the idea of a new Guildpact that wasn’t quite so fragile. A Living Guildpact.

Each Guild sent forth it’s champion to claim this immeasurable power.

The Living Guildpact was to be the one among them who could moderate and negotiate with all of the Guilds, to see things from all perspectives and bring new peace-ish to Ravnica.

Instead, we got Jace Beleren. A 20-something telepath who disappears from Ravnica for days, weeks, or months at a time.

These are not just the broad strokes of Ravnican history, this is the stuff we know, in the order it happened. Everything else about Ravnican history is pretty much a jumble of names, rampages, and plot twists without dates. It’s next to impossible to even begin any sort of accurate timeline because Magic: The Gathering doesn’t need one for it’s card game, so they depict figures & events that happened at such & such point in whenever and then move on to the next one.

This doesn’t mean there aren’t those who’ve tried to assemble an accurate MTG timeline, but all one needs to do is look at it to become angrier than before. There are literally ten thousand years where nothing happens. Most of the Ravnica sets & releases have taken place over less than 100 years, Ravnica time. The 10,000 years before that? We know a couple things. Teysa Karlov was born, the nation of Agyrem split from Ravnica, and dragons stopped hatching. That is pretty much everything we know, and the only date they can agree on for any of them is Teysa’s birthday, 9965 ZC (basically the 9,965th year of the Guildpact). Everything else? More or less somewhere in those 10,000 years.

What does this mean for you, as a Dungeon Master? It means writing out characters, backstories, flashbacks, or significant events from more than 100 years old is going to SUCK. Because no one friggin’ knows what was happening over 100 years ago, not even the creators of Ravnica. Meaning you’re basically going to have to make it up. Create your own war with another nation, throw in some old Gods (the Nephilim were very much like Lovecraftian Horrors, except their book is less than a page long), start your own storyline that continues to the present day, whatever works for you.

Let me say this once again, because this will make your job as DM so much easier; no one friggin’ knows what was happening over 100 years ago, not even the creators of Ravnica. Make some shit up, lessen your headache by at least that much. It’s still going to hurt and trying to work out even estimations of dates is going to be infuriating. Focus on the now, work out the then with your players when you need to, and when in doubt, make shit up. If someone really wants to be “that player” who fact checks you on all the details to ensure maximum lore accuracy, they can be the one to write up the timeline.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Ladies of Ravnica

Dungeon Masters running a campaign in Ravnica may start to notice a trend with many of the city’s most powerful figures of authority (or notoriety); they are largely women.

Whether this an intentional choice on the part of WOTC for gender equality or purely accidental, most of Ravnica is run by the ladies. Not only do we see equal numbers of each gender represented within each race, each class, and each guild (except the Gruul Clans for some reason), but even a large number of the Guildmasters are/have been female:

Isperia, Sphinx Guildmaster of Azorius Senate

Lavinia, (acting Human Guildmaster of Azorius Senate following Isperia’s death)

Aurelia, Angel Guildmaster of Boros Legion

Feather, (former Angel Guildmaster of Boros Legion)

Razia, (Angel Founder/Parun of Boros Legion)

Vraska, (acting Medusa Guildmaster of Golgari Swarm following Jarad’s death)

Kaya, (official Human Guildmaster of Orzhov Syndicate following death of Obzedat)

Teysa, (unofficial Human Guildmaster of Orzhov Syndicate follow death of Obzedat)

Trostani, Dryad Guildmaster(s) of Selesnya Conclave

Zegana, Merfolk Guildmaster/Prime Speaker of Simic Combine

Vannifar, Hybrid Guildmaster/Prime Speaker of Simic Combine

In addition to this, every Angel and Medusa on the plane is exclusively female, with no exceptions. What does this mean for DMs plotting a Ravnica campaign? It means in all likelihood you’re going to be working on more female voices than male, so get practicing. If you are born a girl, this will be easier for you. If you’re born a guy, you’ve got some work to do. Because if you want to take a hard stance against doing female voices in your campaign, you are likely depriving your players the chance to interact with some of the coolest, most badass NPCs in all of Ravnica.

Lavinia of the Azorius Senate is an icon for the guild’s ideals, a champion for the laws of Ravnica, and steward of Jace Beleren, the Living Guildpact. Everything Jace wants to do with his nigh-limitless power as the embodiment of Ravnican Society has to pass through Lavinia first. She dictates his schedules, official commandments, and public appearances. Most importantly, Lavinia ensures that the most is made of the limited time the frequently-absent Guildpact is around. She is harsh but fair. A great choice for when the DM needs to intervene to save the players.

Judith the Scourge Diva is the Grand Dame of the Cult of Rakdos, it’s most in-demand performer, and the last word on anything that goes on backstage. She has more to do with the day-to-day goings-on than Rakdos himself, as the hedonistic demon Guildmaster rarely attends performances and often spends weeks, months, or even years in his lava pit. She does most of the work while Rakdos claims the adoration of the guild’s fanatics, cultists, and performers. Dramatic, demanding, devoted, demented, and she’s got a thing for blades & blood. She is the closest thing to a ranking member of the chaotic guild of stylized hedonism and carnage that is the Cult of Rakdos. She can be reasoned with.

Massacre Girl is currently the Azorius Senate’s number one fugitive.

Real Name: Unknown

Guild: Rakdos

Allegiance: Herself

Motive: Unknown

Crimes: Murders in every guild, including her own

Signature: High body counts, high-ranking figures, excessive violence

Perks for PCs: Instant Citywide Notoriety for taking her in/down

Drawbacks for PCs: Almost Certain Death for failing to take her in/down

Teysa Karlov, former Grand Envoy of Orzhov Syndicate, currently imprisoned for attempting to overthrow Ghost Council. Teysa is one of the few members of the Syndicate who isn’t motivated by greed or self-interest. Make no mistake, Teysa is as ambitious as they come, but her interests actually extend outside of her guild. She is one of the only high-ranking figures within her guild who actually tries to establish relationships with other guilds. It has dawned on her that the day may come when the Orzhov Syndicate might require the assistance of the other guilds, so maybe, just maybe, they should try to not have every other guild actively despise them. A groundbreaking proposal, the first step of which involved the overthrowing of the Greedy Old Men, aka the Obzedat, and establishing her as new guildmaster. Unfortunately, Grandfather Karlov outplayed her, and both Teysa and her ally Tajic of the Boros Legion were thrown in jail. Tajic was bailed out, but Teysa remains imprisoned thanks to bribes made with high-ranking officials to keep her so. In addition, to keep her from dying and achieving freedom as a ghost, she’s been fed food to magically lengthen her life in prison. All that said, Teysa is the best ally available within the Orzhov, one of the few not morally bankrupt, and knows the laws of Ravnica better than even the Azorius. A perfect choice for a prison break quest.

Emmara Tandris is one of the most well-known faces within the endless bounty that is the Selesnya Conclave. She’s a childhood friend of Jace Beleren, the Living Guildpact, and a public figure for inter-guild cooperations. This, plus the fact that she is a kind & caring individual with a special gift with animals, fey, and elementals, and the fact that Selesnya’s dryad trio Guildmaster(s) Trostani are vague at best, completely silent at worst, makes her a perfect choice for distributing missions, quests, and animal companions.

Last NPC I’ll mention is Vraska, of the Golgari Swarm. Vraska is the Planeswalker Medusa Assassin Pirate Queen of the Undercity. Think of something cooler than that, I dare you. It doesn’t exist.

*Edit: More Kickass Female NPCs!

Etrata, the Silencer. That name alone should inspire fear. Not just a vampire, not just an assassin, she’s more of an urban legend Boros soldiers tell each other about when they get stuck on overnight guard duty and want to spook their buddy. Lacking the tedious mind games of most House Dimir operatives, Etrata is an old-school killer for hire. She cares neither for politics, nor influence, nor subtlety. Your name shows up in her book, you’re gonna die tonight. She’s the only Dimir agent capable of actually challenging Lazav for his position of Guildmaster. What it will come down to is this; is he smarter than she is deadly? Etrata is great because her exploits are much easier to track than other Dimir. If someone is dead from a vampire bite in a locked room, they’ve just had a visit from Etrata.

Izoni, Thousand-Eyed should honestly have been the Golgari Guildmaster. Not only is she infinitely more interesting and distinctive than the run-of-the-mill Lich Jarad Vod Savo, but she embodies the Swarm in a way Jarad just doesn’t. Scuttling by your feet, buzzing around the air, lurking wherever death can be found; Izoni and her ever-present insect swarms have presence. Jarad, on the other hand, has a bow, very little personality, and the only real accomplishment he’s had as Guildmaster is surviving assassination attempts. Which, let’s be honest, for the Golgari, is just par for the course. Izoni has room to grow, to expand, and she’s exactly the sort of cackling, nasty, power-hungry dark witch players like to fight. Except she somehow makes being covered in bugs hot.

Pierakor az Vinrenn D’Rav, better known as “Feather”, was the Boros Guildmaster before Aurelia, and a former Wojek Officer. Her wings were bound and she was forced to serve in the Wojek for some reason that hasn’t been explained, then when the original Guildmaster and Parun Razia was slain, Feather stepped up. Her reign was short-lived when Aurelia challenged her as unfit to serve as Guildmaster given her unspoken crime that she was charged for however long ago. Feather gave up the mantle and left Ravnica, going into a self-imposed exile in the lawless Red Wastes beyond the Rubblebelt. Basically, this means that there is a Guildmaster-Level NPC living all alone in the most savage wilds on the entire plane searching for redemption. The story is literally just sitting there, waiting to be written.

[ravnicaforgoblins]

Ravnica for Goblins

Prologue

Looking for a cool Dungeons & Dragons setting? Someplace loud and busy and chaotic at the best of times, but with all the unfathomable horrors and silent dangers you thought you could only find in an ancient tomb in Godsknowswheres? Do you enjoy the idea of belonging to a group that encourages your decisions to build, invent, rob, arrest, invest, experiment, or break things? Would you trade dwarves, halflings, and dragons away for gorgons, minotaurs, and elephants? Are you fascinated with the idea of recreating the swan dive from Assassin’s Creed? Are you excited by the prospect of “murder is not illegal”? If you said “yes” to any of the above, you are in luck! For there is a campaign setting that has all of this and more!

Welcome to Ravnica, City of Guilds.

Let’s get the basics out of the way. Imagine a plane. No, not the kind you fly in. No, not an empty field. A plane as in a planet, or a realm, or a magical dimension or whatever; that’s almost entirely concrete jungle. Like if you took every major city and scrunched them all together into one big mess of a metropolis, and then filled the rest of the country around it with giant scary wild animals that kill you. Ravnica in a nutshell.

Feeling intimidated? Worry not! For this sprawling skyscraper garden of a world is actually smaller than Rhode Island. Why? Because making a world is hard! And making a bustling city in real-time dimensions is even harder! So you get approximately 5 miles by 10 miles of civilization sandbox to play around in. Feeling safer? Good! Because there are still plenty of things here that will kill you. Wurms, shadow monsters, assassins, zombies, demons, and all variety of giants, trolls, ogres, and brutes who want to break your knees for fun.

But much more dangerous than the random threats to your life are the Guilds of Ravnica. Ten Guilds responsible for all that goes on in the city. The good, the bad, and the strange. Ten special clubs with goals ranging from justice to greed to pretty explosions. Some will help you. Some will hinder you. Some will try to kill you. One may offer to turn you into a newt, but make no mistake, they all want YOU.

Pack your bags kids, we’re going on a ride.