#there are so many movies i want to watch and books i want to read

[gu6chan]

how do you take your tea / coffee? I don't drink coffee like... At all but in the rare moments I DO have tea I normally like iced, peach tea. That's about it. 😭

if you could be fluent in any language at the snap of your fingers, which one and why? Japanese, all this studying and all I can really do is understand it, forget speaking 😔 either that or Mandarin, for it's usefulness.

when do you wake up? About 8 or 9, though it's been hard for me to get out of bed till like 11 or 12 lately...

what was your favourite tv show as a kid? Oooh I didn't really watch many TV shows as a kid since I didn't grow up with cable, but I definitely watched a lot of movies! The only TV shows I can really think I ever watched was an old VHS tape of the Adventures of Teddy Ruxpin (German dub) that got really damaged after a certain point and there was another with a couple episodes of Tailspin? But none of them really had much of an impression on me growing up. I do remember seeing Bernd das Brot someplace as a kid and liking it a bit, though.

summer or winter? SUMMERRRR summer all the way, i hate the winter sm 😭

realist, optimist, or pessimist? I like to consider myself a realist, but I know most people I know would consider me a pessimist just because of my "Nothing good ever happens, so we'll do x" approach when dealing with situations. But I'm mostly apathetic to most bad news/outcomes and haven't been proven wrong very often (Always thrilled when I am though), so I like to think it's just to do with the things themselves and not my mindset...? Right?

rain or sunshine? Sunshine!! Rain is nice and all, but gets depressing after a while and makes it hard to do many things.

how do you mark your spot in a book? I just memorise the page number and come back to it.

what are your favourite shoes like? I don't have favourite shoes, just plain black slip-ons that are comfy and good for most occasions except rain.

what would your non-perfume/cologne signature scent be? Good question, I normally wear my favourite 4771 cologne for most outings and assuming the Old Spice deodorant I use 24/7 ALSO doesn't count, maybe the body wash does? It's a milk and honey body wash and i love it

if you were a dragon, what would you look like? I'd have scales and a snout, probably...? I can't really think of it.

is your handwriting more print, cursive, or a mix? 100% cursive. It's hard for others to read in the US both because it's a bit rushed and also they don't teach cursive anymore I've heard, but I get on decently well in Germany which is a shock.

what colour would your lightsaber be? I don't know, I'm not very much into Star Wars.

what is your defining personality trait? I can't really say...? I guess a lot of people know me for being "modest" or "polite" something along those lines (probably since I tend to be quieter and have a tendency to take up other people's work for them irl), so maybe that, but honestly I'm the biggest prick I've ever known lmao

roller skates or rollerblades or ice skates? Never used any of those, so none.

are you an only child? oldest / middle / youngest? This is an insane answer but pretty much all, though I'd consider myself an oldest child if anyone asked. For the early portion of my life I grew up with an older half-brother and a few in-and-out older half-sisters on both sides so I was the youngest. But then, my brother moved away when I was 7 and I had gotten my only full-blood relative, my little sister, when I was 10. In the EXTREMELY rare event of a family gathering I'd be considered a middle child, around most I'd be considered the youngest, but as it stands since my little sister has been the most consistent in my life I've always considered myself the eldest child.

what would your superpower be? how would you use it? I'd like to teleport so I can see the world and go back between here and Germany as much as I want :)

what’s your clothing colour palette? ...??? I don't really have one? I guess mostly neutral tones like greys, beige, etc. though I don't really purposely coordinate or anything 👀

pet snake or pet bird? Pet snake!!

weapon of choice in a medieval battle I don't wanna fight a medieval battle waaaaaaa 😭😭😭😭 okay if I had maybe like a flail or some type of polearm like a Glaive, I think it's called? Longswords are cool and all but I wouldn't have the strength to use them, the same goes for bows and arrows though i ALSO suck with my aim... A flail is self-explanatory, and a polearm would make me feel save and sound :3<

the best ice cream flavour I like yoghurt-flavoured ice cream!! But I haven't been able to find any in the US and it's been killing me lowkey, frozen yoghurt is NOT the same!!!!!!!!

what spices do you always use when cooking? Salt and pepper, normally I rely on my sister since she's an expert on what spices taste like what and things and I'm too scared to experiment and ruin my cooking if I try lol. I'm not a creative or bold person 😭

default font when typing? ...Arial? Or some variation of it? Depends on what app I'm using, I don't really use anything special so the default for whatever, I think. Though if it's in a word processor like google docs it depends on my muse, if I'm low in motivation I'll usually use some bullshit fun font to keep my interest and then change it to a serif-type font when I'm through.

ask game that tells a lot about you.

how do you take your tea / coffee?

if you could be fluent in any language at the snap of your fingers, which one and why?

when do you wake up?

what was your favourite tv show as a kid?

summer or winter?

realist, optimist, or pessimist?

rain or sunshine?

how do you mark your spot in a book?

what are your favourite shoes like?

what would your non-perfume/cologne signature scent be?

if you were a dragon, what would you look like?

is your handwriting more print, cursive, or a mix?

what colour would your lightsaber be?

what is your defining personality trait?

roller skates or rollerblades or ice skates?

are you an only child? oldest / middle / youngest?

what would your superpower be? how would you use it?

what’s your clothing colour palette?

pet snake or pet bird?

weapon of choice in a medieval battle

the best ice cream flavour

what spices do you always use when cooking?

default font when typing?

[daenysx]

i got bored so here are some modern!james potter headcanons;

um- sunshine energy at its finest!!

james is one of the prettiest boys you could ever see in your life

his smile lights up every room he walks in

he has to take extra five minutes every morning to fix his hair because he always puts his head wrong on the pillow and messes the shape of his thick, wavy hair

heavy sleeper!! (cutest though, sometimes he sleeps with his mouth open)

he's a morning person but he usually goes to bed early, claiming he has to get 8 hours of sleep

sleeps naked. to your delight.

he likes getting slow back scratches and massages, he is addicted to get kisses on his neck and his cheeks, he LOVES being babied

always runs hot even when the room is cold. he's generous too, he holds your cold body in his arms until you get warmer

i once wrote that he makes the best iced lattes in the morning, i still stand by it

he'd practice to be perfect at making your favorite drink (mine is iced latte so i had to say it-)

breakfast fan!!

he never leaves the apartment with an empty stomach, the worst he can do is take some snacks or fruits with him if he runs late

loves morning runs, morning walks, morning work outs, morning stretches. anything to wake his body up

and we probably all know this but james potter is the type of man who knows his body well

he looks good and he knows it

he also knows what he should do to take care of himself and his health

i mean he likes waking up early and starting his day, but he'll stay in bed with you if it means he'll get cuddles (especially when it's cold)

he tries to wake you up by bribing you with promises of a shower together and breakfast prepared by him

speaking of showers-

um- if you don't mind me being a little smutty here,

james potter loves eating you out

and he loves it more when he gets to wake you up to his mouth

and he does it again when he convinces you into shower

he does it for his own pleasure really

because it feels so good to keep his mouth on you and rubbing himself to soft blankets at the same time

this man is never- and i mean never ashamed of coming into his pants

like seriously, just think about it

he adores that feeling of falling apart for you, he doesn't even need to be touched

needy. and that's hot.

he makes noises in bed. never stays silent. always tells you how you make him feel.

he likes being called 'my love'

king of getting you flowers because 'they made him think of you'

he makes fun of his blurry sight every time he loses his glasses

he can't read for long (sleepy boy alert) but he likes it when you read a book out loud for him

tries to compete with remus on how many movies he can watch in a row without falling asleep

he loses of course

he complains about sirius' smoking (stop acting like a saint prongs) but he takes a few drags when he's too stressed

now that's the thing- james potter doesn't like to burden others with his stress

he keeps things to himself when he's not joking

his glossy eyes give him away though

precious boy

he blinks a few quick tears on your neck when it gets too much

let's keep going with happy james because i can't handle the thought of him being sad

the best hugger ever!!!

strong arms, broad chest, smells perfect, knows how to squeeze your body with the best amount of pressure

you forget everything when he holds you

he never pulls away from a hug first

just my dream guy

another thing- he is so proud of himself when you laugh at his jokes

has a group chat with remus and sirius

never stops sending memes, sometimes drives remus insane

his spotify playlists are so complicated because his music taste changes with every song

he wants you to choose the music every time you're in his car

guys- james potter brainrot is something else, i swear i love him so much

that's all for now, let me know if you'd like a part 2

[voylitscope]

This post about fic length came across my dash. It got me thinking about how many truly incredible Stucky fics under 5k I've read — specifically about the short fics that have broken and/or healed my heart.

So, I made this quick rec list of 10 under 5k Stucky fics that are deeply heart-affecting and emotionally devastating.

(There are so many beautiful, moving, and painful fics in this fandom that come in at under 5k. In the interest of keeping this list to 10 fics, these fics are all also canon/canon-divergent.)

💔 Cheat Days | chicklette | Mature | 2,033 words | Pre/Post TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

Only on the very worst days – when he is tired and sore and hurts all over, hurts inside and out. Sometimes it’s the fight that does it, his need to be held, to be loved after throwing himself on the line. Other times it’s something else - something more cruel – a joke that he knows Bucky would find hilarious, a movie that Bucky would have loved, a book. Sometimes Steve is just so goddamned lonely that he feels like he’s going to come out of his skin. Then he has what he calls a cheat day. A day when he closes up his apartment and uses the coin, and sighs into Bucky’s embrace.

💔 029. Mirror | aimmyarrowshigh @aimmyarrowshigh | Mature | 2,400 words | Pre-War

Quote I'm unwell about:

“I wanna sit at his bedside when he’s sick,” Bucky says finally. “And buy him hot dogs at Dodgers games. And uh… I guess, I wanna…” He exhales and looks down, away from Mrs. Rogers’ eyes. They’re too much like Steve’s and Bucky’s never said this out loud, not even to him. “I wanna get an apartment for the two of us and curtains that close, and I want to teach him how to dance to Cole Porter records. I want to finish all his stupid fights. I want… I dunno. A lotta impossible things.” Sarah’s voice is so soft. “Like what?” “I want to see him grow old,” Bucky mutters. “Right beside me. I want it to be a hundred years from now and look to my right and see Stevie standin’ there.” He blinks away the heavy wetness in his eyes.

💔Not the Needle, Nor the Thread | steebadore | Explicit | 2,017 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

"Okay, sweetheart, okay," Bucky whispers, running his thumbs over Steve's brow, his wet eyelids, down that bumpy, ungainly nose--the only physical evidence that Steve is a flawed human and not a figure cut from marble. If you asked Bucky what he loved most about Steve, he might say something like his goddamn earnest heart, or those too beautiful-for-spacious-skies eyes, but really it was this: the bump on Steve's nose, put there by Bucky himself, age eleven. Selfish, maybe, but Bucky never pretended to be otherwise these days. He doesn't know why the serum didn't fix that--Bucky likes to think it couldn't. Steve always said how it didn't change anything, just amplified what he already had, and what he had was Bucky's mark on him, down to the bone. This one's mine, it said. You cannot have him. Not the whole of him.

💔Through the notches in your spine | caughtinanocean | Explicit | 4,460 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

Maybe Steve was right to worry, and maybe he's not ready and—he's breathing too fast, and Steve's going to notice any moment now, going to stop and leave. Steve lets go of Bucky's hand to stroke the side of his face, tender and soothing. He leans in to give Bucky a soft kiss on the lips, and Bucky doesn't feel so panicky anymore. He's with Steve. Steve is inside of him, as close as someone could be, and nothing bad could ever come of that. Bucky wills himself to focus on the moment, to watch Steve's face, soft with affection, to relax and enjoy this. “'s like it's my first time all over again. How many people get a shot at that twice?” Steve groans. He looks flushed and giddy and bright, and Bucky's inordinately proud that it's his words and his body making Steve glow like that. “I'm gonna make it way better for you this time.” “Our first time was bad?” Bucky asks, trying not to sound crushed, even though he feels it a little.

Steve traces Bucky's jaw and down the line of his neck to caress his chest. “No, our first time was perfect. We had no idea what we were doing, but it was perfect.”

💔A History of Birds | OddityBoddity | Not Rated | 2,580 words | Post TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

“I don’t remember,” he says. Steve holds his breath. “I don’t remember telling anybody about that.” It’s like there’s something stuck between his lungs, like something’s pulling them apart in his chest. “You mean about the bird?” he whispers. Bucky looks at him. Not staring, not really, but looks at him like Steve’s looked at paintings before. Like he’s trying to work out how it’s done. “That little bird,” Steve says quietly. When he speaks, he speaks like the words are a spell or a prayer. Like the words are going to reach into Bucky the way his name once did. Like they’re going to catch his arms and pull him up to safety. This secret they both kept. Something so little, so inconsequential that no one has touched it.

💔You Will Meet a Stranger | spitandvinegar | Mature | 3,081 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

"Steve," she says, unruffled. "He needs someone who'll look at him without pining for who he used to be."

Steve sets his coffee cup upright again. He mops up the mess with a napkin. "Honestly," he says, "All I ever pine for is for him to look back."

💔This is the place | dharmashark @dharmasharks| Explicit | 4,654 words | Canon divergence

Quote I'm unwell about:

With a metal hand there, under the small of his back, Steve might as well be weightless. It’s terrifying. For Steve to be so fragile in ways that Bucky isn’t, and might never understand. But Steve has never been afraid, has never shrank away. Not ever. Not even when Bucky could have—when he would have—when he almost hurt him—Steve had only balled his fists and locked fierce, red-rimmed eyes on his. Steve is fragile; he is unbreakable. Bucky’s memory is full of contradictions.

💔i've seen my share of trouble and i've held my weight in shame | inevitablemeow  | Teen | 4,166 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

Bucky is a ghost, still, in the wind so far they haven’t been able to find him. It’s been six months since the helicarrier, and Steve hasn’t lost hope, not fully, but he’s slowed his search. Seeing this heart, knowing that all the others are his, has that hope roaring back to life. They’re his. They’re all for him.

💔sorrow sings a song in me | unicornpoe | Teen | 4,425 words | Post-TWS

Quote I'm unwell about:

Bucky’s note is on a thick piece of cardstock, and the words are a little more steady, this time. STEVE, IT HELPS ME TO READ THESE THINGS. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT HELP YOU TOO. I MISS YOU. I WANTED TO CRAWL UNDER THAT BLANKET WITH YOU, BUT I DIDN’T KNOW IF I SHOULD. I DON’T THINK I’M GENTLE ANYMORE, AND I WANT TO BE GENTLE WITH YOU.

💔more than anything | jehans | Explicit | 2,938 words | Pre-War

Quote I'm unwell about:

Steve is a reckless asshole who Bucky loves unconditionally and wholeheartedly, and when Steve is quietly undoing him in their bed, loving on him openly and indulgently the way Bucky doesn’t always let him, it becomes difficult to keep pretending that Bucky wouldn’t go to the ends of the earth for any of Steve’s whims. But mostly, what makes him so honeyed in these moments is the way Steve transforms. When he climbs on top of Bucky, all of Steve’s usual, too-close-to-the-surface anger drains out of his eyes, clearing away into pure blue skies of utter adoration. It’s an honesty that Bucky cracks under, breaking open the clay of mundanity and allowing him to shine brightly under Steve’s hands.

Fic rec series

[riverashifts]

@ MY BACKSTORY ᰔᩚ . ݁ 🎀 ͘ ࣭ 🎱 ⸰

⌗ 제이's GiRL : introducing my backstory—what i did pre-debut and how i became the idol i am known to be

˳ ׄ ⟡ ◌ ⃘ i want to do something splendid ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ｡‏‏‎ 𓏸𓈒 something heroic or wonderful that won't be forgotten after i'm dead. i don't know what 𖦹 ˚   ⊹   ♡ but i'm on the watch for it and mean to astonish you all ( little women 1868 )

⊹﹒EARLY CHILDHOOD

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ born in the same hometown as i was in this reality, i had a fairly normal childhood for the first five years of my life, i had a loving mother, and a father who would do anything for our small family ] — and then my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness and passed on february 5, 2007

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ this caused several ripple effects for my father and i. my dad became a workaholic and took on jobs he never would've taken before ] — that's when he started taking on international jobs within the company, causing the two of us to move around a lot

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ first to seattle, then all the way to shanghai, then to toulouse, then to berlin, then to yorkshire ] — we only stayed in one spot for about a year or two before moving away as quickly as we settled in

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ during this time, i had to learn how to entertain myself because my father was always so busy with work. this is when i started really getting into music and wanting to become a singer myself ] — however, i was also really into reading—and when i heard they were casting young girls around my age for a role in the book-to-movie adaptation of one of my favourite books, i had to audition

⊹﹒FIRST ACTING ROLE

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ who would've guessed—i got the role!! filming took place in berlin, so for the time being i lived with my aunt and uncle on their farm near berlin. filming lasted for about just under a year—for me, at least, as i didn't have a very big role ] — thanks to this movie, i not only opened many doors to a career as an actress, i also met my first boyfriend, louis partridge, as he was one of my cast mates. we only started dating later on, though

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ gilded, the film, was released in 2012 and filming for the sequel, cursed, started quickly afterwards. the second movie released in 2014—and on the red carpet for the premiere event in la, i met sabrina carpenter, one of my best friends, who was there to promote her upcoming disney show "girl meets world"!! ] — meanwhile, my father was working in london, meeting my future step-mom and step-brother while i was out of the country

⊹﹒GROWING FAMILY

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ my (future) step-mom had recently divorced her husband and gotten a job overseas from korea in england, where my dad worked as well. they became close very quickly—but my dad would keep this a secret from me as i was still living away in berlin ] — when filming for cursed wrapped up, i finally moved back to england with my father, where he dropped the bomb that our family would be growing—they were to get married in a few months

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ i did not like my new family, especially the woman who would be replacing my late mother. i barely paid any attention to my future step-brother and i never even looked at my future step-mom ] — not only that, i was furious with my father for making such a big decision without consulting or even telling me. i wanted to escape

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ and then one day i came back home from school to my step-mom (after the wedding) preparing a meal in honour of my late mother—it was the anniversary of her death ] — from then, i realized that my new mom was not replacing my biological mom, but was stepping up to help heal our broken family. i no longer had any hostility toward them. instead, i started to learn to love them

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ it did not come to a surprise when my brother, hyunjin, started talking about missing korea, and in turn, so did his mother ] — so soon enough, we were packing our things once more and moving to korea as a new family

⊹﹒BEING A JYPE ACTRESS

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ sometime in 2015, hyunjin and i went out with our mom to do some shopping and ... we were scouted by jype recruiters!! ] — we were skeptical at first, but decided to give it a shot and auditioned for the company

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ we both got in. hyunjin as an idol trainee, and me as an actress. i was a little disappointed, to say the least ] — for years i had been wanting to join the music industry, and with this audition i had come so close, and yet they didn't want me to become an idol

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ still, i stuck around as an actress. i ended up starting with some minor roles in k-dramas, and eventually moving onto bigger things such as extracurricular and all of us are dead ] — but that's when i started to have enough. it had been years and i wasn't making any progress to becoming an idol. so, i quit

⊹﹒PRE-ILAND

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ i joined big hit soon after, and that's where i trained for the next year and four months ] — i was known as the "killer trainee" because i would always dominate the monthly evaluations—alongside heeseung, a good friend of mine

. ۫ ꣑ৎ ݁ 𓈒 ๑ [ things were going very well and i was making actual progress toward my dream. i was happy ] — and then the staff brought me together with two other girls (huh yunjin and aris young) and asked us if we wanted to join their upcoming survival show.... and of course we did

[9ofspades]

Honestly kind of astonished that OP missed “this writer I love and trust wrote it”. I’ve seen SO MANY posts all over tumblr to the effect of “this author wrote the most amazing [fandom 1] fics but I finished all of them so now I’m checking to see what else they wrote, and I don’t know anything about [fandom 2] but that’s all they have SO I guess I go here now.”

There’s also another common phenomenon missed in the poll of “I saw really good art/meta/information, and I don’t want to consume the canon but I wanted more of the characters so I went to see what fics there were”. Sometimes the fandom is for a video game, and those tend to cost money; if you don’t game or aren’t into that genre of game, that’s quite the investment just for some characters you like. Fic and fan-meta are free.

Likewise, for shows and movies, maybe your preferred place for watching shows doesn’t have the media in question. Maybe there’s a long waitlist at your library for the book. Or maybe you just exclusive want to read your media and don’t want to pick up a new show/movie. But a piece of transformative work got you into some aspect of the media.

There’s also stuff like… Les Mis has a great deal of high school AUs, but the source material itself has major characters suffering and dying. Maybe you want fluffy content about the characters and aren’t interested in seeing those particular characters suffering under poverty and getting killed. Ditto for other visual media — I know some people love the romantic aspects of Our Flag Means Death but don’t care for pirate media, and some feel the same way about zombie apocalypses.

Anyway, hopefully that answers your question to a great extent. I’m sure there are dozens of other explanations that others in the notes will offer.

Until pretty recently, I had never read fic for a fandom I had never dipped into. It got me thinking about why people read fics for stories they've never followed. Sooo...

*not even 1 episode. None of the book. No more than the movie's trailer. etc.

[slxtarchive]

IGNITED SOULS ⍟ JAKE WEBBER

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬. your childhood best friend introduces you to more than just learning how to shotgun smoke.

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭. yes, you can find it here.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭. SMUT ! innocent!reader, smoking [marijuana], foreplay [oral f!receiving, fingering], edging [if you squint], unprotected sex !?, loss of virginity, non-established relationship, best friends to lovers trope.

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬. i got carried away writing this but this has to be one of my favorites ive ever written.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭. 4.8k

you and your best friend have always been opposite each other. you liked things like school, reading, and learning … but he was the more street-smart type not book-smart like yourself.

you didn’t go to parties or really have many friends, it was just jake — and you were okay with it being that way.

you and jake were just fine by yourselves. you liked each others company more than you liked anyone else’s. jake liked to party but he’d miss a party if it meant spending time with you. so, you and your childhood best friend were currently laying in bed together watching a movie when he spoke up. “wanna get high?” he turned to you propped up on his elbow.

you nodded agreeing with his idea. one thing you admit you had taken a liking toward was smoking. it really helped with how anxious you had become because of high school and jake knew that. when he offered to teach you how to smoke he was hesitant, not wanting to think he was a bad influence on you but then he realized it could do good for you sometimes.

jake brought everything out for you two passing you the rolling tray and sheet of paper. it was like clockwork. jake took the grinder taking the earthy substance that filled the air with the aroma. the rhythmic crunch of jake’s work filling the air before he passed it to you so that you could pool it in the center of the paper and roll it in place. as you did the final seal and twist of it jake smiled leaning back against the headboard.

he took the tin and rolling tray placing it back where he got it from before grabbing his lighter. you passed the blunt over to him so he could light it up. the lighter sparked, briefly illuminating jake’s face before it connected with the end catching on fire.

jake slowly inhaled holding the smoke for a moment then leaning back and blowing it out into the air. he sighed as he looked lazily at you placing it between your fingers as you reached out.

you grinned, taking the blunt into your own hands. you both sat there as you took a hit, knees touching as the faint glow illuminated your face for a split second. you inhaled deeply holding it just as jake taught you to before a swirl of smoke was exhaled out of your mouth. you sighed softly feeling relief.

you both continued those actions repeatedly as the haze of the smoke began to thicken. the silence in the room, comfortable and not at all awkward. it was calm. your most favorite part of the day.

the movie played softly in the background when a thought crossed your mind. “you know… ever since i started smoking, i’ve always wanted to try shotgunning the smoke.” your voice casual but carrying a hint of something else jake couldn’t help but notice.

jake paused as he was mid-inhale blowing out the smoke immediately almost coughing. “shotgunning? like.. blowing the smoke into someone’s mouth?” the smoke flowed between his lips as he spoke.

you nodded with a small smile playing on your lips. “i mean yeah, i’ve seen it be done in movies and shows you know and well, i kinda thought it would be fun to try.” you shrugged, trying not to be so … nervous.

jake laughed lowly his head tilting back slightly. “i mean sure, yeah i get it. uh… but you sure? i mean… it’s me.”

you rolled your eyes grabbing the blunt from his fingers and taking a hit. “yeah, i mean i trust you the most. you’re my best friend.”

jake nodded, feeling internally nervous for some reason. “yeah…” his heart was thudding in his chest but he continued to show a tough front. “you uh… you wanna do it now?”

your heart jumped. now? yes now. you nodded passing him the blunt. “yeah, it should be pretty easy right? um… you blow it into my mouth.”

he nodded bringing the blunt to his lips facing you. “okay, ready?”

you took a deep breath and nodded. you watched as he took another drag from the blunt, the flare of the tip lighting up both your faces as you leaned closer wanting to be prepared.

he exhaled slowly leaning closer, centimeters apart — the smoke streaming toward you. you leaned further in but not quite close enough causing jake to pull you by the waist so you didn't fail. your faces closer than ever before now jake continued his actions — and let the smoke pass your lips.

in that moment, the world seemed to stop spinning. the space between you both feeling euphoric as the smoke continued to pass through — both your breathing mingling in between.

you felt butterflies in your stomach as he pulled away slightly. “that.. was.” you whispered softly then smiled trying not to make it awkward. “cool.”

he gulped mumbling. “yeah…” his gaze was lingering on your lips for a moment, tension filling the room. “really cool.”

you didn’t realize that line of friendship could be blurred but when you felt it was you didn’t know what to do. all you did was grab the blunt from his fingers and continue to smoke it to try to defuse the tension of the situation.

you put your attention on the movie playing now even though you had no idea was was going on.

multiple minutes passed before there was a scene in the movie that made everything even more awkward. they were in the car sharing a soft and passionate kiss. they too looked like that environment was new to them.

another thought crossed your mind as the tv flickered across the room. you bit your cheek before speaking very quietly. “i’ve never had my first kiss.”

your confession lingered in the air when jake’s eyes widened slightly. he turned toward you. “wait really?” his voice softer than usual. his voice was always soft speaking to you… not rough like how he spoke to others but this time … it was way different.

you looked down shyly, your gaze fixed on your lap as you fiddled with the strings of your hoodie. “yeah.. never.”

jake blinked slowly still trying to process the information. “i mean … i just thought you would’ve…” he trailed off not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable. “it’s not a bad thing though. i was just surprised.”

your cheeks flushed thinking about how jake most likely has kissed a girl. “i guess i'm just falling behind? i don’t know. everyone else has and i haven’t even tried.” you hesitated before speaking once more. “even if… i just wouldn’t even know how.”

jake swallowed harshly getting a hint of what you were implying but choosing to ignore it. “it isn’t weird…” he said carefully, thinking of how beautiful you were. “i mean you’re—” he stopped himself from saying what was on his mind.

you fiddled with your fingers before looking at him and then away. “would you… maybe teach me?”

his breathing hitched. “m-me?” he was confused at why you asked him. “i… are you sure?”

you nodded trying to seem confident even though your hands were shaking. “you’re my best friend. like i said earlier i trust you with everything. it’s… it’s only a kiss right?” the question was more to convince yourself. he noticed the way your voice faltered and the way you forced yourself to maintain eye contact. you were extremely nervous. he thought to himself.

he let out a deep exhale as he thought for a few seconds then nodded. “okay, if you’re sure.”

you smiled lightly. “positive.” you were still resting on your knees as he was still sitting back against the headboard.

a silence rested between you both before he turned slightly toward you and you moved closer toward him. your legs were practically touching as he finally settled on a good spot where you could lean forward comfortably.

your heart was beating out of your chest as he began to lean forward. his eyes flitting between yours and your lips. you felt he could practically hear your heart beat as he got closer and closer. you stayed perfectly still feeling frozen. oh my gosh, i’m about to kiss my best friend, you thought to yourself. eyes widening a bit before fluttering closed as you felt his breath against your lips.

when your lips finally met, it was soft and unsure. a very hesitant touch that you weren't sure you could handle. there was no movement as very few seconds passed. he pulled away looking at you for approval. “was that okay?” he whispered, still so close to you.

you blinked slowly mesmerized by him and nodded. “yeah.” your voice was breathless as your lips stayed parted.

“d’ya wanna try again?” he questioned, hesitantly and unsteadily.

your nod was smaller this time somehow becoming even more shy than before. you knew you wanted more. you wanted more than just a peck, that’s what made you so nervous. what if.. if you didn’t want to stop?

regardless, this time you leaned in feeling hypnotized. he understood the cue and met your lips in the middle, his left hand resting on your cheek. this time your lips molded rather than just touched. it was euphoric.

this kiss was different. way different. it was longer, deeper — impossible to pull away from. your fingers experimentally touched his arm needing to gain balance as you found yourself pushing against him a bit harsher — neither of you realizing that you had been instead sitting on your knees, kneeling on the bed making yourself a bit taller than him.

the kiss kept going to the point where you placed your hands on his shoulders as his hands went to your hips helping you straddle him. you could taste the remaining flavor of the marijuana you smoked prior on his tongue.

the time felt slow as if the rest of the world stopped. you kept sensing that feeling as your breaths mingled together.

when you both finally pulled away he swore he could hear a tiny whimper come from your mouth. “fuck — you’re so…” he couldn’t finish his sentence feeling himself become stiff in his pants.

you noticed and found yourself mindlessly grinding on him, your actions eliciting a moan to escape his lips. you stopped, “m’sorry. m’so sorry.” you apologized.

he shook his head leaning his head back against the wall as he tried to control his breathing. “n-no. don’t be… it feels — feels really good.”

you took those words and ran with them as you then picked up your actions once more grinding your center over his hard-on. like jake, you moaned at the sensation it brought you.

he pressed his lips together trying to stifle his moans but decided he would do better with your lips on his so he pulled you by your neck to connect them once again.

you gasped at the sudden move, still mindlessly grinding over him. the kiss was no longer hesitant at all. it was passionate and fast-paced — like you both have been holding it in for so long. it held a deeper intensity.

his hand went from cupping your cheek to your jaw then your neck squeezing slightly. you don’t know what about it turned you on but it did.

your fingers gripped the collar of his shirt tilting your head to gain more access and wanting to deepen the kiss. his hand then moved from your neck to your face along with his other hand wanting to memorize how soft you felt, how gentle.

your movement felt so natural like this is what was meant to happen. your hearts were racing so fast they felt they might burst. every second his warm lips were on yours was another second you were grateful that you were put on this earth.

how long have you felt this way? you didn’t know but you knew it didn’t just come out of nowhere. you’ve felt like this for a while but somehow some way those feelings were buried inside.

later on, his hands found themselves on your waist pulling you harshly so that you were grinding harder on him. he let out short breaths and low groans loving that feeling of your clothed centers rubbing against each other. the space in between you guys disappearing by the second.

your nervousness was completely gone and replaced by something you’ve never experienced before. you felt so helpless and uncomfortable down where your centers were colliding and you wanted to fix it. you wanted to satisfy and pleasure it. you wanted him to satisfy and pleasure you.

in that moment you found your hands clutching at the collar of his shirt desperately — more than before. jake pulled his lips off yours causing you to lean forward but he placed a hand on your shoulder.

confused you opened your eyes looking at his flushed cheeks and pink lips. “yn..” his voice spoke up, low and rough.

you didn’t respond with words. only by wrapping your hands around his neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

he found himself lost in you once more before he snapped out of it. he pulled away once again leaving you breathless snd needy. “yn…” he whined, his voice still low and raspy. “i… we… fuck.” he stuttered, unsure of what to say.

you felt his hardness beneath you desperately wanting him inside you. “i want you, jake.” your hands found themselves back on his shirt fiddling with his collar.

he was hesitant. “i… we can’t. you’re my best friend i don’t want to ruin things and… i don’t have anything. shit…” he groaned, the words you spoke making him want you even more.

you hesitated but at the moment just didn’t care. “jake… i want to do this with you more than anyone else…” you both were so close to each other, it was like a dream “and also i’ve been on birth control since sophomore year… it’s okay.”

he seemed conflicted so you quickly wanted to reassure him. “if you don’t want to i understand, i promise. i don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.”

silence filled the room as he thought about everything that happened in the past minute. he looked at your lips then your eyes exhaling quickly before speaking. “fuck it.”

his lips crashed into yours harshly and strongly. he wrapped his left arm around your waist laying you on your back. the make out going from 0 to 100 in milliseconds.

it hadn’t even been a minute before he was taking off his shirt. when he made eye contact with you he saw the panic in your eyes. “i’ll be gentle for you. i promise.” he caressed your cheek earning a soft nod from you.

after kissing your lips for a few seconds he pulled away pulling up your sweatshirt. you knew what he was trying to do and lifted up your arms to make it easier for him. a few seconds later it was off and his lips were on your neck.

your head was thrown back against the sheets while jake’s hand was roaming your body and the other was propping himself up. one of your hands made their home in jake’s hair just loving the way his lips peppered kisses on your skin.

further, he started lifting up your t-shirt and brought his lips lower. he was kissing your stomach the sensation surreal. you’ve never been kissed anywhere… so feeling how you felt now — it was unbelievable.

you let out a small sound egging jake on causing his right hand to start lifting up your shirt more and more fully removing it and revealing the daintiest white bra. jake noticed how you avoided eye contact and how your hands retreated back to your sides at the feeling of being exposed in front of him.

he grabbed your hands moving them away continuing to look at your body. “you’re so fucking beautiful yn.” he said before leaning down and kissing all over your chest. “most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen.”

those words reassured you bringing a small smile on your lips.

following those kisses jake began to trail his fingers lower and lower to where you felt you craved touch the most. jake was no stranger to intimacy but with you he felt so nervous. he wanted to be good for you — he wanted to be the best for you.

his hands made their way to the waistband of your sweats starting to pull them down. your breathing hitched before calming yourself down. you kept telling yourself, you can do it.

you lifted up your legs so he was able to pull them off your body leaving you in your underwear and t-shirt. he slowly made his way down your body his lips following his trail.

goosebumps came to the surface of where he touched your delicate skin bringing shivers to you. you looked down propping yourself up on your elbows. he kissed your stomach, then hips, then all the way to your most intimate area.

you gently trailed across the waistband of them, loving how pretty and dainty they were. the way they showcased those tiny bows that he found so adorable. he was fighting the urge to just rip off your underwear right now. alternatively, he looked up kissing above your waistband before speaking, “gonna let me take these off?”

you took in a shaky breath. “i…”

he rubbed your upper thigh. “promise… i’ll make you feel so good. if you want me to stop i’ll stop but if you want me to keep going, i swear ill make you feel good. i’ll do anything to make you feel good.”

his words reassured you instantly, showing how much trust you actually had in him. you nodded. “okay." you took a deep breath. "yes, you can.”

he nodded rather quickly beginning to tug them down revealing what he’d been craving. he just wanted one taste… to get you wet enough so that the whole thing would be easier and more comfortable for you.

your underwear was taken off and thrown to the side revealing that pretty pussy that hadn’t been shown to anyone and now he was the one that would be able to pleasure you for the first time. he wanted to make it unforgettable.

he parted your thighs with his hands looking up at you for approval. your eyebrows were furrowed just thinking about how it would feel but your imagination didn’t even come close.

jake used his fingers to part your lower lips and took one small lick. your lips separated feeling that tiny ounce of pleasure. your breathing was still level but was speeding up slightly. you then felt another lick, harsher than the first. then, you felt his lips wrap around you sucking as he groaned against them eliciting a tiny whimper from you. “oh my fuck…” you cursed, the pleasure you received insanely unreal.

the noises you made spurred jake on to keep his actions up. he made sure to put his tongue to action flicking your most sensitive part causing you to go feral.

you couldn’t keep your eyes open allowing them to flutter closed at the sensation. you bit your lip reluctantly allowing your head to fall back against the bed. your hand found its way to his fluffy hair gripping it harshly as he kept his actions going.

he groaned against you, the vibrations sending a shock up your body. you couldn’t… it was so much all at once. it felt so good. “yes… mph.” you groaned with a clenched jaw.

jake smiled against your pussy. “does it feel good?” he questioned getting no response from you as you were in your own little world. “yn.” he spoke louder catching your attention. “c’mon, tell me. does it feel good?” his eyes made eye contact with yours.

you nodded quickly. “yes jake.” your mouth was agape looking at how he completely devoured you. “so so good… holy shit i feel — i feel…” you couldn’t finish your sentence as your thighs started to shake.

jake knew if he kept it up you would cum on his tongue but he found the will to stop. as soon as that pleasure was ripped away from you your head shot up. “why… why’d you stop?” you choked out.

jake leaned up kneeling on the bed in front of you tugging down his sweats. “want you to cum on my cock.” his tone was hoarse as he felt the sweats he was wearing tight on his waist. he got off the bed pulling them down along with his boxers not realizing this would be the first time his best friend would see him vulnerable like that but he didn’t care.

he just wanted you. he’s been wanting you.

he kicked off his boxers climbing back on the bed in front of you. your eyes widened at his size. “oh God…” you gulped. “how… how is that… jake—” you cut yourself off.

he pumped himself noticing you started to panic. he leaned down over you trying to reassure you. “hey… hey it’ll be okay. i’ll go slow i promise. i…” he bit his cheek. “we don’t have to do this yn. we don’t…” he shook his head with furrowed brows genuinely worried about how you’re feeling.

you looked him in the eyes seeing his intentions, how he was worried for you, how he wanted to make you feel as comfortable as possible. you closed your eyes trying to calm yourself down. it will be okay.

you slowly nodded lying back down staring at the ceiling. “okay..” you whispered to yourself. jake leaned more over you wanting to know what was going on inside your head. you looked him in the eyes noticing the worried look on his face. “you’ll go slow?”

he nodded searching your face. “i’ll go slow, i promise.”

after a few moments of silence you nodded grabbing onto his shoulders. “okay i’m ready. just… just do it.” your eyes were shut tight afraid of what was to come.

jake didn’t like that.

“please, look at me.” he begged. you made a tiny noise before opening your eyes. “just keep your eyes on me, yeah? it’ll be okay” you had no idea why you were so nervous but reluctantly you nodded trying your best to keep eye contact with him.

jake nodded eyes moving in between yours looking down quickly to line himself up. you felt his tip touch your clit then lower slightly nudging your entrance. he shifted a bit pushing slightly to make sure he was doing okay before he looked back up at you. “going slow, baby. going slow.” the pet name genuinely calming you down.

you nodded showing you were understanding. it felt like your breath was getting knocked out of you as he entered slowly — so tortuously slow.

then you felt the sting. you couldn’t speak… couldn’t do anything but grunt, clench your jaw, and lean your head back as he pushed further in. you squeezed his shoulders before feeling tears prickle in your eyes. finally, you were able to utter something. “jake…” you groaned your mouth opened wide but nothing, only tiny whimpers of pain coming out.

“m’sorry… sorry i’m going slow im going slow. almost there baby almost there. you can tell me to stop.” he repeated in panic. he hated seeing you in pain especially when all he was experiencing was pleasure. “fuck..” he groaned trying to hold himself back.

you whined and whined before jake decided impulsively to just do anything to distract you. he placed his lips on yours softly allowing you to start kissing him back first. when you did he kissed sensually and slowly, not like earlier. it was soft and passionate as he pushed in further and further.

you still felt the immense sting as he stretched you out but it wasn’t as bad when his lips were on yours. you didn’t even notice that he had pushed all the way in before he pulled away. “i’m in.” he said breathlessly, the veins in his neck prominently popping out.

you look down at your centers connected before resting your head back. “feel so… full.” you groaned, still feeling that sting. the worst was over though. you thought. you decided to move your hands more towards jake’s neck as you moved your legs further apart. “you can move jake.”

he raised his brows. “are you sure? i can… i can wait.” he cleared his throat. you nodded with a verbal yes not wanting to be still for much longer. he took a deep breath. “okay… okay. m’gonna move.” he agreed before pulling out slowly and pushing back in.

you groaned, feeling that sting you thought was gone but it was less uncomfortable. he repeated his actions again and again and each time the sting slowly simmered. still there, but not as strong. your head tilted back as one particular thrust reached deeper inside you making you a strange sensation.

jake found his lips on your neck kissing gently as he fucked you slowly. he was holding back the urge to cum wanting you to reach that peak first. his groans sent butterflies in your stomach.

you opened your eyes looking down at you both once more not getting enough of just watching him disappear inside you over and over again.

you were at the point now where you were starting to feel extreme pleasure. that feeling of him stretching you out over and over again. you couldn’t get enough. “y-you can move faster.” you gasped clutching jake’s shoulders.

he groaned shortly gulping trying to keep himself from falling apart. “you sure? don’t wanna hurt you..” his mouth was open at the pleasure he was receiving as well.

you nodded. “please… please.” you moaned as he hit that same spot inside you. “fuck — feels so good please just — just need more.”

breathing heavily jake obliged moving faster carefully looking at your face to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable in any way only to find the opposite. your jaw was slack as he picked up his pace, your forehead sweaty, and tiny little whimpers and moans escaped your mouth. it was heaven on earth for jake.

he took that as his sign to move faster and faster, nothing but the sound of your skin slapping together and the movie playing in the background. your hands moved to his back trying to grasp anything as his thrusts became relentless. you still felt that simmer of pain but somehow it didn’t bother you in the moment. all you felt was that repeated nudge inside you over and over causing your stomach to tighten.

jake felt you clench around him. “fuck yn — are you… are you gonna cum? i’m really close, please. just… just give it to me.”

you pressed your lips together as you cried out feeling yourself contort in pleasure. you ended up clutching onto jake harshly leaving scratches that you were sure drew a bit of blood. your back arched as you fell apart beneath him.

a few seconds later, jake followed you. his thrusts staggered before he went still finishing deep inside you coating your walls. his head dropped onto your shoulder as he let out a loud groan.

the silence in the room was comfortable afterward. the air electrified by what occurred.

jake lifted his head up and gazed down at you with tender eyes as his heart was still racing. he hoped it was everything you imagined.

you looked up at him with the same intensity refusing to believe what actually happened. many emotions rushed through you before you smiled lightly.

he reached out brushing the hair out of your face. “you okay?” his voice was quiet, comfortably whispering.

you nodded your smile growing wider a quiet laugh escaping your lips. in that moment you felt like you both were in sync. “yeah.”

he let out a sigh in relief. “was i okay?”

you fought the urge to laugh once more. “more than okay.” your hands were still wrapped around him. “thank you.”

his eyebrows furrowed. “for?”

“for being gentle and patient with me.” you said quietly.

a look crossed over his face that you didn’t recognize. “you don’t have to thank me. i care about you yn… a lot.” he said, barely above a whisper.

you fought the urge to tear up as he said that. “i care about you too.”

in that moment, you realized you felt more and wanted more than just a friendship.

as if jake heard your thoughts, he slowly leaned down and connected your lips in a soft kiss.

© slxtarchive

[kquil]

hi pretty baby!! I have a very important question for you:

the year is coming to a close and it has brought us many great things (like your sweet sweet stories) and I'm simply dying to know.... if you were to do a 12 fics for 12 months sort of wrap up of your own blog, what would be your 12 most memorable fics of the year? which of your pieces really stood out to you? I'm eager to hear what my friends' proudest works are!

xx

i'm a pretty baby? my stories are sweet? ( /)///(\✿) AHHHHHHHH!

and that's such a fun thing to do as a way of rounding off the year omg! this requires some thought though, so i hope you don't mind if i take a while to answer

these fics aren't in any particular order but would say that the following are my 12 most memorable fics this year... (i will also include fics from my side blogs as those are my works too hehe~)

DIVORCING ORION BLACK CHAPTER 5

this was the fic that i first posted when i came back from my hiatus so it holds a special place in my heart~

DIVORCING ORION BLACK CHAPTER 6

DIVORCING ORION BLACK CHAPTER 7

i'm including all updates for the DOB series because i honestly think it's my magnum opus and i managed to stay consistent with updates until the end of the year ever since coming back from my hiatus

JAMES POTTER | HOW TO DRESS (nsfw)

this is from my nsfw side blog ; it took me an entire year to write this oneshot for james and it's 16k words long, which makes it the longest fic i have ever written AND it's the first ever NSFW oneshot I've ever written and posted haha! so it represents a big milestone for me

SIRIUS BLACK | BIKER BOY

this was dedicated to one of my dearest moots and close friends here @somewereinthegalaxi / @thebestofoneshots and was a fun little way of showcasing an interest we both share motorbikes, biker boy boyfriends and sirius black (づ> v <)づ♡ 

REGULUS BACK | HOLD HER PART 2

i've always loved the trope of characters being given insight into their futures somewhat, in fact, a niche of fanfiction i adore reading is based on that e.g marauders watching/reading the harry potter movies/books or harry traveling back in time and interacting with the marauders -- this is my little way of finally dabbling in the trope without writing another fix-it fic atop DOB (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

REMUS LUPIN | ONE NEGRONI

this combined a guilty pleasure of mine, mob boss aus and the marauders, mainly featuring our beloved Remus Lupin -- it just seemed natural making him the mob boss  (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵) hehe~

JAMES POTTER | GENUINE

i literally couldn't sleep until i wrote this and i'm so happy i did too because you darlings seemed to really enjoy it too! now i have a deep love for the actor james x singer reader trope (๑>◡<๑)

JAMES POTTER | LIKE LOVERS DO

this was sooo self-indulgent ( /)///(\✿) it's a manifestation of my love for james potter and the friends to lovers trope -- this fic is secretly how i want to my relationship with james to blossom in another universe where he's no longer fictional and i have a chance at making him mine!

JAMES POTTER | BOUDOIR PHOTOSHOOT

i've been seeing tiktoks of this on my fyp for a long time and i kept thinking of james every time i saw it, my real life responsibilities kept getting in the way of me writing it until i finally committed writing it even if it meant sleeping super late again (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑)   

GROUP EFFORT SERIES

this imagines series is from my mcu + misc. side blog and i predict having a lot of fun with it in the future ; i'm writing it from a random thought i had during my hiatus when i got into the mcu fandom, it went along the lines of: i wonder how the avengers would handle babysitting a baby like Jack-Jack from the Incredibles -- i slapped my love for single mother reader tropes on it and this imagines series was made!

THE PRINCESS' SEVEN MERCENARIES

after getting into the mcu fandom during my hiatus, i also fell in love with many of Chris Evans' characters and started reading fics about them too, combine that with my love for fairy tale aus, drawing inspiration from a writer with a phenomenal nsfw fairy tale series and you get this snow white au series with seven of my favourite Chris Evans characters (。>\\<)♡

damn... look at this list makes me realise how much i've written this year despite my hiatus -- i need to give myself more credit since half the time i feel like i'm not writing enough omg! thank you so much for prompting me to do this, my love!

[atleastpleasetelephone]

Gentle on My Mind - Chapter 8

Initially set in 1967 when Elvis is filming Clambake. Feeling miserable and trapped after the Colonel banishes Larry and the spiritual texts, Elvis invites Gloria to keep him company through the last five days of filming. Gloria is an aspiring movie editor and more importantly she's a lot of fun. Will she be what Elvis needs to get him out of the depressive funk he's in?

Catch up with the other parts here.

Many thanks to @sissylittlefeather being my beta reader on this one.

A/N: Just to say there's some fairly dark stuff in this chapter, so please do have a look at the warnings before you read.

Pairing: Elvis x OC - Gloria, a budding film editor.

Word count: 4.3K

TWs: Infidelity, vomiting, graphic descriptions of childbirth, sexual assault (Elvis is not involved), descriptions of an abusive/coercive partner (again, not Elvis), fainting, crying, teasing, oral (m and f receiving), face fucking, size kink, edging, panty sniffing!Elvis.

Elvis knows she’s gone for good as soon as he wakes up and sees the empty bed beside him. He almost feels like he dreamt the whole thing, but as he looks around the room he sees the evidence that he didn’t. The burn on the carpet, a streak of make-up on the mirror, the polaroids on his bedside table. He picks them up and looks through them, staring at the lipstick marks she left and her lazily scrawled message. 

If she loves me, why did she leave?

He starts to cry, big, heaving sobs. His Glory. Gone to get married. 

***

As she says her vows, Gloria feels like she’s outside of her body, watching someone else do it. She keeps telling herself that this is the only thing she could’ve done, the right thing, but it doesn’t feel like it. She watches the Gloria who’s getting married smiling as Roger pushes the ring onto her finger. Watches everyone looking at her, her friends and family, her daddy beaming proudly. She desperately tries to get back into her own body as Roger kisses her, tries to be present in that moment, but her mind still wanders back to him. It’s only been a week since she lay in Elvis’ bed and told him she loved him. It’s not long enough to get him out of her mind. 

***

Roger tells her to throw away her birth control that night, and she does it gladly. She can’t wait to be a mama. Roger makes love to her slowly and passionately, and she finally finds herself almost back in her own body again. They go on their honeymoon the next day. He’d initially tried to suggest Hawaii, but she almost flinched at the word. Instead they fly to Cabo and spend the week on the beach there. Lazy living, cooking and eating outdoors, sex twice a day, cocktails whenever they want. She’s happy, for hours at a time. And then something reminds her of Elvis, and she feels a twinge of sadness. That will pass though, it has to. It’s not as if she’ll see him again now. And she has so much else to look forward to. 

***

The house they move into together is still in ‘Frisco, but a part of the city where she knows no-one else. Her friends are a long and frustrating car ride away, her family too. She walks around the big, empty house and plans the furniture she’ll buy. Wandering into one of the other bedrooms, she holds her belly as she daydreams about the nursery she’ll design for her baby. Not that she’s showing yet, and it’s too early to tell anyone, but she knows. 

In those first few weeks in the house she doesn’t even get the polaroids out. They’re hidden in a book, and she almost forgets about them. Her baby is growing inside her and she’s busy planning and buying, painting and instructing delivery men. Roger comes home every day to a home-cooked meal and he kisses her on the temple and calls her baby. They have sex a couple of times a week, and she tells herself she doesn’t need any more. Soon she’ll be a mama anyway. Sex isn’t that important now. 

***

10 May 1969

Glory!

On vacation in Hawaii and I had to send you a postcard. Congratulations on your wedding, I hope you and Roger are very happy. The sun is shining here and we’ve spent a lot of time on the beach. Yisa loves it here! Maybe tonight I’ll try and cook something on the BBQ. 

Love

Your big boy xx

***

Gloria nearly faints when she sees the postcard. Her legs feel weak and she thinks she might be sick. She sits down on the floor and reads it over and over again. How could he do this? Send her this? When he knows she lives here with Roger? How does he even have her address? Her stomach rolls again and she runs to the bathroom to throw up. 

***

“I DON’T WANT TO PUSH!” 

Gloria feels outside of her own body again, watching the woman on the hospital bed, sweating and bloody and screaming that she doesn’t want this anymore. The doctor tries to talk her down, tells her that it won’t be much longer even though she’s sure that’s a damn lie. Roger left ages ago, he can’t stand the sight of blood and she’d already cussed him out and tried to punch him. Eventually they give her some insane cocktail of drugs that help her give birth but do nothing for the pain. They give her stitches for the tear and hand her a crying, wrinkled newborn. She holds him and cries, not sure whether they’re tears of sadness or joy or both. She’s not in a hurry to do that again. She names him Corey.

***

11 October 1969

Glory,

I’m in Hawaii again and thinking of you. My first shows in Vegas were back in July and August. I wonder if you saw anything in the papers about them. I wonder if you think of me at all. I hope we see each other again some time. I’ll leave tickets on the door for you when I play Frisco. I don’t know when, but I hope to soon. 

Your big boy xx

***

Gloria is in too much of a daze to be upset when she finds the postcard. It’s lucky that she scooped up the mail first, lucky Roger didn’t see it. She hides it with the other one, and the polaroids. Staggers to bed and lies down, hoping to get some sleep before Corey wakes up again. 

She lies in bed that night, waiting for Roger to finish brushing his teeth. He gets in next to her and pulls her close to him, immediately starting to kiss her neck. She grumbles. 

“C’mon, baby.”

He pushes her nightie up and starts to pull her panties down. She stares at him in disbelief. She’s so tired. 

“Roger… I’m still not ready…”

He shakes his head, pulling his pyjama bottoms down and starting to stroke himself. 

“It’s been such a long time, baby.”

She tries to wriggle away from him. He hadn’t wanted sex for a long time. Ever since she’d started to show, in fact. She tried to initiate, but he just rolled away. Even though she’s had her stitches out now and the doctor gave her the okay to have sex again, she feels like she never wants anything else near her vagina. All she can think of is the pain and the tear and it all still seems too raw. 

“Roger, no.”

He leans on top of her, pushing her legs open roughly and starting to push his dick inside. She whines. 

“You’re my wife,” he tells her, firmly. “And I want you now. Be quiet.”

She cries silently as he rapes her. She doesn’t think of it as rape at the time, doesn’t think that’s even possible when you’re married. But later on she realises it for what it is. She said no and he carried on regardless. 

***

The months pass by slowly, the house is finished and Gloria has nothing to do in the days apart from taking care of Corey. There’s not even any housework to do since Roger hired the maid. Gloria thinks she’s too pretty to be a maid really, but the house is always spotless. She fell pregnant again not long after she gave birth, and it’s not long now until she’ll be in the hospital again. As soon as she found out she started to look for news of Elvis in the papers. Left Corey with the nanny and took herself to the movie theatre to see Change Of Habit. She looks at the polaroids every day, and sometimes sits in the bed she shares with Roger and touches herself, looking at them and thinking of Elvis. She re-reads the postcards too. Missing him more than she imagined she could. 

Her second birth is a lot easier, and this time it’s a girl. She names her Jacqueline, Jackie for short. She knows that Roger will want another child so she calls her sister and asks for help. Her sister’s husband goes with her to the doctor to help her get back on birth control. She doesn’t tell Roger and prays he’ll just give up on the whole thing. She hates him touching her, but what choice does she have?

***

“Elvis! She’s here!” 

Those are the words he’s been dying to hear, thinking about them so hard he almost wonders if he’s hallucinated them. 

“What?” He snaps. 

“Gloria. She’s here, E.” Joe repeats. 

“Well move her to a box, make sure she can see properly. And get her backstage afterwards. Don’t lose her.”

Joe nods and just says yes. He decides it’s best not to get into the fact that he’s already moved Gloria and her sister into a box and told them he’ll collect them afterwards so they can go backstage. He’s never seen Elvis so agitated. 

Elvis’ stage fright is worse than ever before. He can’t believe she’s finally going to see him perform. He has to do everything right. Panicking, he runs to the bathroom to throw up.

***

Gloria stares at him as he comes onstage. He looks incredible in white and she can’t help being reminded of Walter Hale. He launches into That’s All Right at almost double-time, ripping through the words and the music as if he’s in a race to reach the end. She feels like he calms down a few songs in, and his eyes finally flick up to hers. She stares back at him and doesn’t know quite what else to do. She tries to make her mouth curl into a smile but she can’t do it. All she wants to do is cry. 

Elvis sees her looking sad and keeps trying to do things to cheer her up. He messes with lyrics, he karate-kicks the air, he talks about all sorts of nonsense between songs. Somewhere around Blue Suede Shoes it seems to have worked, and he finally sees that beautiful sunshine smile of hers. He wonders what has happened since he saw her last to make her seem so melancholy. He doesn’t have much time after the show before he’s driven to LA, but he has to find out what’s wrong with his Glory.

Her sister had raised an eyebrow at the way Joe had run up to her and made them move seats, the look on his face had suggested that Gloria meant a bit more to his boss than just someone he’d worked with on set a few times. But she isn’t one to ask questions. She doesn’t think Gloria is happy with Roger, and as she watches her sister watch Elvis, she thinks that this is the happiest she’s seen her for a while. 

***

Gloria trembles all the way backstage, sure her legs are going to give out. When she finally gets there he’s almost too much to deal with, it’s like he’s glowing with some kind of ethereal light. 

“Glory? Glory!” 

Elvis catches her in his arms as she faints, carrying her to the nearest couch and shooing people out of the way. She comes round and his blue eyes are the first thing she sees. 

“Elvis,” she whispers. “Is it really you?”

He nods. “Really me, Glory. Just take it easy now. Ya fainted, honey.”

“I’m Patricia, her sister.”

Elvis looks up quickly at the slightly stern tone. Making sure Gloria is propped up against the back of the sofa he stands up and shakes her hand. 

“Pleased to meet ya, Patricia. Do you go by Patricia, or Pat? Did ya enjoy the show?”

Patricia wobbles herself under his intense gaze. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen a man so attractive, never mind had all of his attention focussed on her at once. 

“Y-yes, thanks. And, uh… Pat… is fine.” She finds herself blushing like a teenager.

“Good. Glad ya liked it, Pat. And thanks for coming with Glory-a…” he quickly switches to her full name. “I uh.. I had really wanted to see her.”

Pat isn’t stupid, and Elvis carries on laying it on thick. It’s not long before he’s cleared out the entire room, including her, telling Joe to look after her for the next hour or so. He has to find out what’s wrong with his Glory. 

“You feelin’ better, honey?” He asks, after she finishes a glass of water. 

“Yes. Yeah. I think so.”

“You sure?” He strokes her cheek gently with the backs of his fingers. 

She looks at him for a moment and then shakes her head, bursting into tears. “No.” She grabs his shirt and presses her face against his chest, her body shaking. 

“Oh, baby. What’s wrong?” 

He holds her to him tightly, shushing her and kissing the top of her head. “You can tell me.”

“It’s n-nothing. I’m just tired.” She hiccoughs. 

“Is it Roger?” 

She lets go of his shirt and looks up at him, wiping her eyes. “No. Not Roger.” She can’t tell him. Can’t tell him she’s got trapped in this marriage with a man she hates. She doesn’t know what he might do. “Just um… the kids… making me tired.”

His face lights up immediately. “Kids?”

She smiles a little and reaches in her purse for the photos that her and Roger had had taken the other week. “Here. Corey and Jackie.”

“Oh Glory. They are both so beautiful. Just like their mama.”

She smiles a little more. She does love her kids. Even if they keep her awake most of the night and can’t hold a decent conversation between them. 

“Have you got a photo of Lisa?” She asks. Of course she knows what Lisa-Marie looks like. Everyone does. But she wants to see him puff up with pride again. 

“Yeah… yes… here,” he grabs his wallet and pulls out a tiny photo. 

“She’s beautiful.” She looks up at him through her lashes. “Just like her Daddy.”

He beams back at her, taking the photo back and tucking it away again safely. 

“Did you get my postcards?”

She can’t help smiling again. “Yes. Although you shouldn’t sign them off like that! What if Roger had seen?!”

Elvis chuckles. “Maybe Roger needs to know he has some healthy competition.”

“Elvis!” She shoves him playfully. 

“Oh you never used to call me Elvis, Glory.”

She narrows her eyes at him, still smiling despite herself. “I never used to be married.”

He shrugs, grabbing her and putting her on his lap. “It’s never stopped me.”

She can’t stop giggling now. “Well I know that! Do you think that’s a good thing?!” Her hands settle onto the back of his neck as he pulls her closer to him with his big hands. 

“Cilla’s not the girl for me, Glory,” he tells her, his hand moving to her face, pulling her towards him for a kiss. 

She lets him kiss her a little, then pulls back. “Oh really. And who is, exactly?”

“I think you know the answer to that.”

He pulls her into another kiss and doesn’t let her out of this one so easily. Her heart is beating wildly, and she feels familiar warmth spreading between her legs. She feels guilt too. She’s married. 

They pull apart, breathing hard, their noses touching. “Did you like the show?” He asks. 

She nods. “You were incredible. I loved the gospel songs. And the outfit.” She smirks. “And your dance moves.”

He sniggers. “Why are you saying it like that?”

“Those aren’t dance moves, big boy, those are sex moves.”

He blushes and laughs and tries to deny it. “N-no, I jus’... feel the music…”

“Oh yeah, yeah. You feel the music. I’ve seen you move your hips like that before and there definitely wasn’t any music!”

They both dissolve into gales of laughter then. He thinks how good it is to see her laugh like this again. He’d been worried about her when he first saw her. Maybe she is just tired. 

When they recover his thumbs are stroking her hip bones. She looks down and then back up at him and smiles, almost shyly. He smiles back and picks her up, putting her back onto the sofa and climbing down off it himself, until he’s kneeling on the floor. He puts a hand on each of her knees. 

“I’ve gotta go to LA tonight, but I’ve got a bit of time to make ya feel good. If ya want me to.”

She doesn’t hesitate, nodding and then croaking out a “yes,” just to make sure. 

He smiles that cute, lopsided grin of his, and then starts to kiss her knee, then the inside of her thigh, pushing her dress up as he goes. She spreads her legs for him, willing his mouth where she wants it. But Elvis is in the mood for a little teasing, and when he reaches the top of her thigh he skips over her panties and starts kissing down the other leg. She moans a little. He looks up, his eyes full of mirth. 

“Y’got somethin’ to say, honey?” Words buzzing against her skin. 

She snorts air out of her nose. “Thought you were making me feel good?”

His head moves back up again, pressing a single kiss to the outside of her panties. “Ya telling me my Glory doesn’t like to be teased no more?” 

She almost squeaks, feeling the words against her pussy, watching him close his eyes and so obviously breathe in her scent.

Chuckling to himself, he kisses the fabric again, a little harder, pushing it against her pussy and then licking where her arousal starts to seep through. Her hands reach to tangle in his hair, pulling his face against her. She feels him laughing against her again. 

“Elvis!”

He moves his head back. “Uh-uh. Ya don’t call me that.”

She groans, pulling his head back where she wants it as hard as she can. “Big boy…” she mumbles. “Please.” Letting up slightly on his head in the hopes he might move her panties out of the way. 

His hands slide up her legs and a finger hooks her panties to one side for just enough time for him to lick a quick stripe up her, making her cry out. Then he lets them go again, breathes in her scent and almost nips her with his teeth through the fabric. She pulls his hair. 

“You’re making me crazy!”

Squirming against him, wrapping her legs around his head now and hoping that will give her what she wants. She can feel when he’s grinning, when he giggles against her, that he’s finding this whole thing very entertaining. Even gripping him with her thighs, rolling her hips and basically grinding against his face isn’t getting her any closer to orgasm. She lets her legs flop open and lets his head go, groaning in frustration as her head tips back and her eyes close. 

Elvis wastes no time taking her panties off and diving right into her pussy, making her moan and throw her head forwards again to look at him. He’s not giggling anymore, he’s doing everything he possibly can to make her come as fast as possible, and it’s working. Her hands find his hair again and she grips it between her fingers as she rides his face, his tongue deep inside her as his nose presses against her clit. 

“Oh fuck. Fuck…” she mumbles, feeling herself about to snap. 

His hands push her legs even further apart and he somehow buries his face even deeper in her pussy, coaxing that dizzying high out of her. He loves watching her come undone, the way her voice breaks, the arch of her back pushing her breasts forward. With one final moan she comes and he licks her patiently through it, trying to somehow keep breathing despite the way she’s holding him against her.

“Oh my god,” she murmurs as she lets him go, flopping back onto the sofa again. 

“Was it good, baby?” He teases, that amused little look on his face again as he wipes it with his shirt sleeve. 

She opens her eyes and shakes her head a little, grinning back. “Oh yeah. Okay. It was good.” Rolling her eyes a little. “You’re still the best I’ve ever had. Come here.” Patting the sofa cushion. 

He grins and does as he’s told, expecting a kiss or a cuddle. Surprised when she leans over and undoes his belt, unzips his pants and pulls his dick out. 

“Payback time.”

His eyes go wide. “Oh honey… no… I mean…”

“Awwww. Big boy doesn’t like being teased?” She taunts, running her tongue around the head. 

He groans. The way he’d just treated her this was going to be torture. 

“Please, Glory,” he tries. 

She just giggles a little and then takes him in her mouth, swirling her tongue around. His hand immediately moves to the back of her head, fingers in her hair. Just as he’s starting to forget what she’d said about the teasing, she pulls off him and licks the tip a couple of times like a lollipop. He throws his head back and groans. 

“Oh, you think that’s bad?” 

Wrapping her hand around him, she starts to pump his dick, picking up speed as she slides her mouth back around him again. Feeling his fingers grip her hair, pulling it a little, hearing his breathing speed up until he’s panting and she’s pretty sure he’s close… and letting go and just slowly licking him again. 

“FUCK.”

She moves her head back off him entirely and leans an elbow on his shoulder, looking into his eyes. His face is red and he’s breathless, and she can’t help but feel he looks a little furious. 

“You gonna say sorry?”

He bites his lip. “No.”

She bursts out laughing and he can’t help joining in. “No?”

His eyes dart around the empty room and then he looks back at her, almost sheepishly. “Do it again.”

She’s only shocked for a second, and then she immediately goes back to work on his dick, not wanting him to change his mind. Getting down off the sofa, between his legs, she works him slowly until he’s whining for more, and then starts to pick up speed, her other hand massaging his balls. Sliding her mouth over the head again, she flattens her tongue against it, listening to his tells, watching his face, knowing the exact time to pull away and go back to stroking him agonisingly slowly. 

The noise he makes this time actually makes Joe burst into the room. 

“Boss! Oh… ah… sorry…” Joe blushes and then immediately disappears again. 

“Fuck’s sake!” Elvis shouts after him, then looks down at Gloria and can’t help laughing. 

She’s almost hysterical, her head against his thigh, laughing and laughing at Joe’s facial expressions. 

“Oh God he looked so worried!” She finally manages to get out. 

Elvis smirks. “He should. I’m gonna fucking kill him later.”

“I better not do that again. The police might break down the door this time,” she quips, and before Elvis has a chance to answer her mouth is all around him again. 

She takes him in as far as she can, then starts to bob her head up and down, his hand grabbing her hair again to help her. She squeezes his balls as she moves faster, and he rewards her with a loud satisfying groan. Starting to thrust into her mouth, his hips snap upwards, his hand holding her head still now so he can fuck her throat. He doesn’t last long like this, groaning again as he comes hard, his orgasm hitting him like a train and making him slightly dizzy. His hips jerk a couple more times and then he lets her head go, sighing as he flops against the sofa. She gets up and onto his lap, kissing him gently. 

Their foreheads pressed together, he hums with pleasure. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

They’re silent for a while, and then he opens his eyes again and sighs. 

“I have to go soon.” 

She nods silently. 

“You want your panties back?” 

That makes her giggle again. “You want to keep them?” She asks immediately. 

He somehow finds himself blushing again. He’d taken the other pair she’d left in the Clambake trailer home with him, and used them until they no longer smelled of her. He was a little embarrassed the first time he touched himself while breathing in her scent, but that soon wore off. And then so did the smell. He found himself disappointed that he hadn’t pocketed another pair when he’d seen her last. So… yes he really does want to keep them. But it doesn’t seem like the sort of thing he should say, so he just continues to blush and avoid eye contact. 

“Oh, you do,” she teases. She has no idea how she’s going to get around going home without them on, but right now she doesn’t care. “You keep them then.”

He looks up at her, finally making eye contact again. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“I miss the way you smell…” he whispers, almost giggling again in embarrassment but desperate to tell her somehow. 

She hums softly in reply, thinking that she misses the smell of him too. 

“I’ll have to see you again to let you have another pair…”

He pulls her against him tightly. “Please. Please don’t say this is the last time… fuck it. Come on tour with me. I’ll take you everywhere I go and your kids can come too… somehow…” he trails off, knowing what he’s asking makes no sense. 

“You know I can’t do that,” she tells him, pushing his hair back off his forehead. “But I promise this won’t be the last time.” She pauses for a second, and then decides to carry on. Saying it deliberately this time. “I… I still love you.” 

“I love you too, Glory,” he replies. 

***

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[novella-november]

You have no need to be a lawyer, you just need to check your specific countries Public Domain laws, which the USA pretty much has the most complicated and longest terms due to the infamous "Mickey Mouse Protection act".

As a general rule, the USA's Public Domain Law is a work becomes public domain 95 years after its first publication date, so anything published from or before 1929 (as of January 1st, 2025) is guaranteed to be Public Domain, and there's also a bunch of miscellaneous stuff floating around that is public domain for other reasons, which anyone interested can research in their own time.

But to keep it simple:

In the USA: is it from 1929 or before? You can now do whatever you want with it and it's contents!

....Most countries in the world have a far, far simpler system of

70-75 years after the author / Creator's death, everything they created during their lifetime becomes Public Domain all at once in a lump sum, barring anything published posthumously which have different rules depending on the country.

Back in the day, you could choose to renew your copyright status on a work after about 20 years, or it would enter the Public Domain automatically. Most copyright holders never bothered to renew their copyright, because they had already made their money off their work, so there are tons and tons of old movies, comic books, books, etc which are in the Public Domain before 95 years because they were made before a certain point and didn't bother renewing their copyright, or didn't copyright it in the first place, or had a last minute change in title and put out a copyright for the wrong title.

So, to answer your question: yes, that is what our glorious future is, with hundreds of fully color and "talkie" films in the Public Domain, making them fully free and accessible to the wider Public who no longer have to pay tons of money to watch these vintage films, as soon as someone who has em posts them in full somewhere, they belong to everyone!

This is actually how "Its a Wonderful Life" became such a hit christmas tradition -- due to I believe paperwork error, it became Public Domain, which is why so many television channels were broadcasting it Around Christmas time so much, because they did not have to pay any royalties on it, and why you are it recerenced and parodied in all kinds of shows, movies, and books. Same thing with Frankenstein, Dracula, Sherlock Holmes, Tarzan, the Wizard of Oz (looking at you, Wicked), and more!

I wanted to respond to this comment in particular, because there's a lot of people who like to fearmonger about the Public Domain, pretending Disney is going to sue everyone if they dare to use classic Mickey Mouse from the Public Domain works he appears in, and all these people are doing is helping these corporations stifle creativity and keep a stranglehold on characters they should have lost control of *decades* ago.

The simplest, easiest way to make sure you're not violating copyright law is .... Literally just find, and read/watch the Public Domain works, and use them as your base for your designs. You are completely free to redesign the characters, you don't need to keep them looking exactly like their originals if you don't want to, you can completely design them from the ground up if you want.

the only thing you *can't* do is use a carbon-copy exact duplicate design from a copyrighted version of them!

So no, you can't grab a picture of modern Mickey Mouse, or Disney's Tarzan, or the Ruby Slippers from the 1939 Wizard of Oz...

❌🚫🛑

But you *can* use their original designs from 1929 and before:

✅🟢💚

There's also the part where Mickey Mouse is Trademarked, which is seperate from copyright; this does *not* prevent you from using his (Public Domain self) in your works, but it does, *in a highly simplified way*, mean that you cannot market your things in a way that they could be confused for official Disney merch, which is also why you've suddenly been seeing tons of Official Classic Disney™ merch in the last few years, they're trying to preempt the market.

So, pretty much, if you want to sell Mickey and Minnie merch, you have to give them your own unique designs so they are distinct from their "classic" counterparts, and you have to make it clear they are not in any way affiliated with the Disney brand.

Happy New Year! It's past midnight for me, which means its officially January 1st!

Who's ready for Public Domain Day Dash??? 🎉🎉🎉

For the first week of January find yourself a short, newly-Public Domain work you enjoy, and then write a short story based on that work to celebrate the Public Domain!

[haloslips]

last night two cherished friends and i went to the brewery for one round, met some cute dogs, went back to their place for homemade beef stew. i made it until 10:30 before i had to tap out and go home, which i'm pleased with. fell asleep before midnight, woke up at 12:08am, wished myself a happy new year and went back to sleep. got up to my alarm this morning and had brunch with jess, which i am treasuring especially because i won't see her for a few months now. walked around the city i live in and thought: you are living a life.

i never thought about what it meant to be alive. i was suicidal from a young enough age that it never made sense to envision the future. it took me a long time to figure out what living could look like once i realized i was going to do it; to figure out what i like and what i want. but i'm starting to learn.

last year i: watched the kraken shut out vegas with my dad and one of my best friends; witnessed genocide; took thirteen million cat photos (and even a few selfies); saw many inspiring vanity plates; moved into a new apartment; only got one tattoo; had covid again; cried about trevor zegras (a lot); restarted therapy; got a new job; listened to the man who killed my mom plead innocent; went to three different neopets meetups; rode a horse for the first time in years; danced with my friends, giddy and drunk, at one of their weddings; published two fanfictions; broke both my wrists at the same time; saw the northern lights twice; let my friends take care of me; won a game of scrabble; saw my favorite band live; learned many new things; failed at learning some things

the best advice i ever got was that life doesn't get easier, but you get better at doing it. when i first heard it i could only think about everything i had to endure, but i realized that you don't just get better at bad things. you get better at the things you practice.

i've always liked the practice of affirmations, and upon reflection these past few weeks i decided it was time for some new ones. so, for as long as i need them, here's what i came up with:

you are allowed to take up space

you are capable

you will be okay

you are safe

you have time

this year i will: have as much fun as possible by my own standards; be vulnerable even when it isn't rewarded; use my hands to create something beautiful; cry about trevor zegras; listen to so much new music; see as many of the people i love as possible; experience the epic highs and lows of seattle sports fandom; get so fucking goofy with it; miss my mom; let my friends take care of me; act intentionally; cook something new; get nervous when philipp grubauer posts insta stories from gasworks park; celebrate new milestones; take a bunch of pictures; apply for grad school; watch new movies and read new books; appreciate as much as possible; watch as the world keeps ending; rejoice as the world goes on

[inalucky]

there's such a long list of interests and hobbies i've wished i pursued for years but never started. even the hobbies i have i hardly partake in because i'm constantly simultaneously exhausted and restless. i don't even do my schoolwork most of the time; the once in a while that i can force myself to do something it's that. i have all this curiosity and interest and people used to say i was so smart and i'm letting all my passion rot away but it doesn't feel like i can physically do anything else.

[aishasinternet]

We are well into September and I’m so excited for Autumn. School has begun, there is a chill in the air, the leaves are changing colors, harvest foods are in season, and I am fighting off my first cold of the year

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[vibrantvenus]

I know ppl talk about the parallels between Katniss and Lucy/Sejanus/Coriolanus but can I talk about the parallel between her and Reaper for a moment. Tributes from the poorest districts, arguably the ones who you would assume would look out only for themselves, taking the time to grieve openly, to honor the dead. Their defiance of the Capitol, even if it may kill them. That there is a kindness in them that can't be smothered.

I don't think it's an accident that they both take a younger female tribute under their wing, and it's her death that ignites that spark in them.

Reaper Ash, the flame that died out and Katniss Everdeen the girl on fire.

[bluarlequinno]

I can't believe I was right about this, I was half joking because I didn't think Wicked would actually be that much perceived outside of the fandom (somehow I forgot Ariana Grande fans existed and were actually gonna watch it just for her, silly me).

I guess the only thing I was wrong is that it was gonna be bad, as a Wicked musical adaptation it was actually pretty good and I've warmed up to it, I'm aware it was never meant to please the ideal version of the story I have in my head and it's fine.

But oh man...

I hope the Wicked hype dies down completely so our community can go back to normal, I'm tired of people invading a mostly queer space and feeling entitled to tell us that Gelphie isn't real, that we are seeing things as if this hasn't been a predominantly queer fandom, as if Gelphie isn't one of the most important things in the fandom, or acting super ignorant about the heavy political and social topics. Throwing hate to the book and misinformation without reading it and shitting on the original musical or refusing to watch it, dumbing down and reducing Glinda to being Ariana Grande and not being able to see her as a character outside of that.

Forgetting this characters aren't and haven't been this actors always, they aren't the actors. I do love the way Cynthia gave her own take on Elphaba, but she isn't the whole all in all of Elphaba, this character isn't Cynthia and has existed before her.

This is a very surface level explanation of the many things happening in the fandom, but I think it's a manifestation of how TikTok treats fandoms, before this movie, Wicked was barely in TikTok, I mean there were some, but not really much, and the fandom was the same people we've always been, and now people are treating it like a modern fandom without any respect for anything, without even caring about what this is, the level of entitlement and attempt of erasure of literal history for theater kids, queer people and sapphic ships in fandom is insane.

I want to clear out that I'm not saying all the new fans are bad, I'm not even talking about the people who've become new fans, but I'm just so tired of seeing how a fandom space that had been very nice and queer is turning quite stressful, at least for me lately, and I'm gonna say it, it might sound pretencious but I don't care. If you've only watched the movie, you don't know this characters the same way that a lot of us do, it isn't a bad thing because this movie and the way they are in the movie is very enjoyable in its own right, I'm glad for whoever is a new fan that this characters and Wicked the movie was so good to you that you've joined the fandom, BUT this characters and the way we, more older fans interpret them is very hard to explain because the book and the musical are different and we as a fandom have been exploring the way this two can coexist, therefore we integrate them into a way that we can see this characters as a mixture of both, or integrate more here and there, but always with a grain of salt of the differences etc.

These characters have been explored in ways that you'd never see in the movie, with personalities that you wouldn't only get from watching the movie, with conflicts that surpass what has only been presented in the movie. If you've only watched the movie, you really don't know years of interpretation and characterization and writing that we as a community have done for these characters and it does feel quite annoying to have people who's only interaction with Wicked be the movie, come here to talk to us about how we are wrong and try to give an opinion about something that we've been talking about for years with the same problems we've already been discussing for years.

Yeah the "omg the book is dark" was funny the first couple of times, but some of you act like children, I'm tired of having to see such awful anti-intellectual opinions, like we went through this before. Is it so hard to do some research? Is it hard to act analytically about a piece of media? Like seriously why do people freak out so much, I've read the book, you people exaggerate and twist the nature of this book to paint it like it was some fifty shades of grey obscenery or something. Do you even understand what you're reading? Or do you read in a TikTok comment that omg it's dark, and did you know? It has ... Sex

And I'm not talking about new fans, well at least not all of them, although I would not call someone a Wicked fan if they are like the people that I've mentioned prior who've invaded this fandom space.

I'm talking about people who think they know more than literally a decades old community that has cultivated their view of this story from the different mediums it's been. You don't need to read the book or watch the original musical to understand this movie, but don't come to this community feeling entitled to an opinion if you don't even care to engage with it fully outside of said movie.

No one mourns the wicked but I will sure mourn whatever Wicked used to be before this upcoming movie

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

1, 4, 21, 25!

1. How many books did you read this year?

127 (according to StoryGraph), but I'm 70% through The Second Sex and will probably finish a handful more before January.

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

I really loved Seth Dickinson's Baru Cormorant trilogy and am planning on checking out his other works. I also started reading Naomi Novik and am actively resisting her Napoléonic Wars But With Dragons series (Spinning Silver, her latest release, was really tight, but Uprooted was ... less purposeful? And I don't wanna commit to a ten-book series).

Otherwise, I actually did a lot more branching out to explore authors I've already read books by to confirm if it was a fluke or if I consistently like their work — Colson Whitehead (anything that isn't autobiographical is masterfully written), Donna Tartt (this woman has a chokehold on my SOUL), R.F. Kuang (great ideas though sometimes a bit ambitious for her abilities — but she's growing more powerful). I've read stories from Nghi Vo's Singing Hills series and have enjoyed all of them, but I haven't checked out their other works, so it feels disingenuous to say I love them as an author for now, but I'm certainly open to reading their other works based on this. Oh, and I finally read my first Discworld book, so you could say it's all over for me.

21. Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

lol, not even familiar with those communities.

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

My book club friends this year had soft, no-pressure goals of 100 books for the year, so I set that as a passive benchmark for myself. I guess ... reduce the number of books in my to-read pile on StoryGraph? I seem to keep adding more every time I read another book. ^^;