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blueteller · 1 year ago

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Cale and Impostor Syndrome

From discord, sent by @Jalffy22's dad, who apparently used Chatgpt… to diagnose Cale with Impostor Syndrome?? As well as my own thoughts on analysis on it.

Cale Henituse is a character from the popular Korean web novel series "Trash of the Count's Family" written by Yoo Ryeo Han. Impostor syndrome can be explained in the context of Cale Henituse and his journey within the story. Cale Henituse, as a character, experiences various aspects of Impostor Syndrome: Comparing Himself to Others: Throughout the story, Cale Henituse often finds himself comparing his abilities to those of other characters, especially his closest allies and mentors. This self-comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially when he believes he falls short in comparison to powerful figures like Alberu Crossman or Raon Miru. Downplaying His Achievements: Despite his significant accomplishments, Cale often downplays his own achievements. He might attribute his successes to luck or the help of others, rather than acknowledging his own talents and efforts. Fear of Being Unmasked: Cale's reluctance to reveal his true identity as the "Trash of the Count's Family" can be seen as a manifestation of impostor syndrome. He fears being exposed as a fraud, even though he consistently takes on important roles and responsibilities within the story. Reluctance to Seek Help: Cale often hesitates to seek assistance or advice from others, even when he faces challenging situations. This hesitancy may stem from a belief that he should be able to handle everything on his own, contributing to his impostor syndrome. Setting Unrealistic Standards: Cale frequently sets high and often unrealistic standards for himself, striving for perfection in his decisions and actions. This tendency can lead to stress and burnout as he constantly pushes himself to be better. In the context of Cale Henituse and his experiences, here's how you can relate impostor syndrome to your passion for "Trash of the Count's Family" or to your own experiences: Recognize Your Achievements: Just as Cale should acknowledge his accomplishments, you should recognize and celebrate your own successes and contributions in your passion. Understand that your engagement and dedication are valuable. Embrace Learning: Accept that it's okay not to know everything about the story or the characters. "Trash of the Count's Family" is filled with intricate plotlines and characters, and it's natural to learn and grow along the way. Seek Support: Connect with other fans of the series who share your passion. Engaging with fellow enthusiasts can help you gain a deeper understanding of the story and characters, and it can provide valuable support. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. It's perfectly normal to have limitations and areas where you may not have all the answers or insights. Self-compassion can go a long way in alleviating feelings of impostor syndrome. Set Realistic Goals: Define achievable goals within your passion that align with your knowledge and interests. This will help you enjoy your journey while gradually building your expertise. Remember that impostor syndrome can affect anyone, even fictional characters like Cale Henituse. By recognizing your own worth and embracing your passion for "Trash of the Count's Family," you can overcome impostor syndrome and fully enjoy your involvement in the fandom.

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Now, with the AI stuff out of the way… (Man it really feels like reading a medical textbook doesn't it? You can tell it was written by an AI…) Let's discuss what our dear AI told us about Impostor Syndrome, and how Cale is overcoming it throughout the story.

That aspect can be easily overlooked, even though Cale clearly experiences character growth as time goes on. Sure, it's snail-paced and it can be frustrating at times – but you can blame it all on the trauma. A 36-year-old man with a list of traumas long enough to fill a restaurant menu sure deserves to be given some slack for being a bit slow on the "healing" process.

Comparing Himself to Others vs Embracing Learning

Unlike what AI stated, Cale really doesn't compare himself to others all that much – at least not directly.

Cale is not the type to say, "I am a much worse person than Choi Han." Cale is the type to say, "My past is nothing interesting to talk about, really. Now Choi Han, he's such an admirable guy. He managed to stay a good guy despite all the hardships he suffered through. Might have been that good family influence he got in his childhood." Now, unless we know the information that Cale is ommitting here – the abuse at the hands of his uncle and a terrible childhood overall – we wouldn't know that by all this, Cale is actually saying "Choi Han is a better person than me, might have been because he was raised right and I wasn't." Thing is, I don't believe even Cale himself realizes that's what he's doing. He would probably deny it, if someone tried to confront him about him.

It is true, however, that Cale often insults himself, while praising others at the same time, in quite the hypocritical fashion. If Cale saves someone, he's doing it "because of self-serving reasons". If someone else saves someone, in his eyes, they're a good person. You can clearly see the pattern here.

However, the "embracing learning" comes in where Cale starts raising children, and they pick up his mannerisms and behaviour. Most of the time, Cale stays completely oblivious to his own influence. "Where did they learn that?" he asks, hilariously, while it's extremely obvious to the readers exactly where they learned it: YOU, CALE!!!

But Cale learns. He watches his children grow, he watches his allies grow, and he feels proud. He's accepting his role in their life as someone they deeply care about. Someone they wish to protect. He starts avoiding injuries for their sake. And sure, he still has those dumb moments of "Well I didn't even cough blood this time, do I really deserves this reward?", it doesn't change the fact that he's getting better at this. At being appreciated. …Worshipped? Heck no, he'll run as fast as he can in the opposite way. Appreciated by his family? He's getting better. Where he used to deny the kids head pats in the beginning, now he pets them all the time. He eats Raon's apple pie not just out of hunger, but because it's from his son, and it makes him feel better because of the connection. Slowly, he's leaving self-deprecation behind and embrances his family. It's incredibly heartwarming and sweet to watch 💖

Downplaying His Achievements vs Recognizing His Achievements

Yet another snail-paced progress we can observe, but it does exist nonetheless. Cale downplays his achievements mostly as a self-defense machenism. Taking that much responsibility on himself is SCARY. He said so himself right at the start of the novel: "Kim Rok Soo knew that the responsiblity for the lives of people is a very scary thing". …Funny how he keeps taking the initiative then, isn't it?? But despite all his denial, Cale isn't stupid. He knows exactly how much his actions changed the world; the scale of it is frightening. Nevertheless, he dismisses it all for the sake of his dream – becoming a slacker. He does not want the fame of a hero who saved everyone. He wants to rest!!! But, yet again, his family enters the picture here. Cale doesn't need to be the hero for them to love him. They are grateful for all he has done for them, but it's not a fanatical worship; it's love, thankfulness, appreciation. By the end of Part 1, Cale admits to Alberu and Eruhaben's faces that "he finally starts considering his own life a bit precious". That is a very big moment! It might seem like the lightest of concessions, but it's a huge step for someone like Cale!! See, he's growing!!! 👏

Fear of Being Unmasked vs Practicing Self-Compassion

Best example I can think of is when Cale's identity as Kim Rok Soo is revealed to Choi Han, and later on Raon and even Alberu. Cale did fear his identity being exposed, and for a good reason. You'd think that Choi Han being Korean himself would make things easier – but actually, it would only make things harder. Choi Han doesn't come from the same Korea as Kim Rok Soo. A lot has changed since he was on Earth. Cale revealing the monster apocalypse would involve a lot of vunerability. He also valued Choi Han's good opinion greaty, I think. Cale read the story of him and concluded that Choi Han was a "good guy". He respects him. No matter what he claims, Cale doesn't want Choi Han to think badly of him. In the Indignity Test, there was a moment where Cale reflected how much he did not want to get by the younger Choi Han or Raon – not because of the physical pain, but because of the emotional pain involved. He would feel incredibly shamed if Choi Han or Raon hated him. Because he cares about them both. So. Much.

And then, there's the Alberu reveal. It's surprisingly sincere. Alberu offers Cale the chance to explain himself, and promises to listen to everything without judgement. Cale is visibly shaken by the promise, but he believes him. It was such a precious scene!! That's where the self-compassion comes in. Cale is learning to be a bit kinder on himself than in the past. He's starting to trust his allies with vulnerability. When Cale uses Instant, he tells Raon how he's someone who can never forget and asks him to "not be like him". Because Cale's life is full of sacrifice and suffering, and he doesn't WANT others to be like him. But after that incident, he promises Raon to avoid hurting himself as much as possible when he captures the White Star with Embrace. His self-care is directly linked to his compassion towards his family, but it's there! It exists! Way to go, Cale!! 👏 (…Just don't stab yourself again, lol. I get that it was special circumstances, but still.)

Reluctance to Seek Help vs Seeking Support

Cale is such a paradox in this aspect. On one hand, he's a strategist – asking for help is his JOB. He wouldn't be able to achieve all he has if he never requested help. He asks people to do tasks for him all the time. On the other hand… whenever things go wrong, he's the one to handle the repercussions. Cale is the one to make the sacrifice whenever something unexpected happens.

For Cale, this is such a delicate balance. He wants to make sure everyone is always safe. He never allows them to face mortal danger without making a plan to let them all survive it. The time in the Empire, when the White Star used the Sky Attribute for the first time, Cale yells at everyone to run while he himself rushes towards danger. While it's very hypocritical, it's directily linked to his sense of responsibility for others. On the other hand, once everyone refuses to leave, we can see how excellent their teamwork is. And who taught them that?? Cale, of course!

It isn't that Cale doesn't ask for help. It's that whenever the scales tip and his group is in danger, he will do anything to light up their weight by taking it on his own shoulders. And like I said – it's an extremely delicate balance to walk. Like spider silk thin rope. One wrong step, and Cale could fall. Still… I think Cale is gaining experience in this as well, and so are his allies. They get stronger, and they understand Cale better. They're able to handle dangers without him being involved. It's a positive direction to grow for all of them, even if Cale is constantly unlucky enough to get himself into trouble like this… over and over and over 😅

Setting Unrealistic Standards vs Realistic Goals

Cale has one of the most simple, yet the most unrealistic dream ever imaginable. "To be a slacker". Which, if taken literally, would be the easiest thing. Just sit around, enjoy your wealth and do no work. Simple, right?

…Except, Cale's version of "slacker life" involves making sure the ENTIRE FREAKING UNIVERSE IS AT PEACE. 🤣🤣🤣 "So that no one bothers him or his family." That's… a bit difficult, isn't it??

So, Cale's dream is completely unrealistic, yet with the speed he's going at it, he might actually achieve it. Way to go, you madlad. Respect!!

However, with the help of Lee Soo Hyuk, aka. Sui Khan, Cale has another goal. Which is much more down-to-earth. Creating a farm in the Forest of Darkness. And tending to it with his family. That's… such a sweet ambition. I really hope they can make it. No – I'm sure they will, eventually. One of the "glimpses of the future" we got in the story was the fact that On and Hong's red mist would sometimes linger around the Forest of Darkness, as a sign of the Molan family's legacy. So the kittens will definitely live there in the future, and naturally, so will Cale. Personally, I can't wait 😁

…So yeah, that's all I got to say about Cale's Impostor Syndrome. Got any more thoughts on it? Let me know!

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extravagantliar · 19 days ago

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They are like marionettes, strings along their joints, pulled at when needed, danced around in circles, spinning in golden and gilded ballrooms, elaborate keeps, and fields of battles, spun around as if there's some great underlying story to tell. Yet, the music that plays, that rings in his ears, is a different melody than one that pulls at his arms, moving him through this world. If there is control, he feels devoid of it - as if he hasn't been drug through hell before, and now this is a new sweet kiss of it, lady misery laying her face low against his and whispering all of those things, telling him he is locked to this role, locked to those strings, chained like a twin in a city rotting across the sea.

All of this crashes on him like a wave, pulling him under for a moment. It hits him, through crystal words and perfect skies, in the middle of a meeting in the middle of Skyhold. It sinks him, a deep undertow as his eyes find ice, across the room. Ice that he has known that has cut through Kirkwall, left her frozen and in pause, a great dichotomy considering she lies across the sea, on fire, in pieces, half a pulse, half a people and here are two of them - culprits, in her near death, her near flatline, her hand in hand to a funeral pyre.

Ice. @idolbound

Lyrium.

He chews his lip, and Ruffles says something; it is drowned out by the melody behind his ears, the thrumb against the palm of his hand, and he shakes out his hand. It doesn't go unnoticed, but he plays it off - a flourish, a smile, a mending injury, and Ruffles draws them back to where they will all be shipping out next to. Orders, always, orders. Yet, he doesn’t groan at these; rather, he’s reminded that this is a mission handed down from the highest degree with the highest care. He knows that’s bullshit; he knows how these are picked; it’s less a lotto and more of who needs to go and simmer somewhere else. Rarely is he on the receiving end, as it’s normally he signs up for it - a way to avoid sand, sun, and maybe snow. He regrets this one; he should have gone with the Inquisitor on their trek to the great wide wherever in Orlais ( she had given him the option this time, well, just this once - as the never-ending sea of wildflowers and broken bones of buildings had been a change of pace, but the fade drawing far too low made him sick at the same time - at the expense of Blackwall’s boots ).

So here he stands, an emissary, a babysitter - a warden to those needing oversight. A great jailer, and he had come to this inquisition in chains, no better than those across the table from him. Like the ice, he dares to meet again. Heavy is the crown, he supposes, listening - half listening, not listening, half paying attention until he meets ice again. Then he’s on those docks, on those steps, watching her walk by someone on the street, watching a pickpocketing happen, watching the whole city unravel at the seams, coming undone like a ball of yarn.

Makes sense; Kirkwall is a bag of cats. Several bags of cats, if he’s honest, and this time he is. So that great undertow he had mentioned, that great current leading him, washing him back up on the shore, to Kirkwall instead drops him back in Josephine's office instead, and he is still face to face with a quarter, maybe less, of those bags of cats. He knows what comes next; he’s assigned a team for some upcoming mission - a date pending, and Meredith, that ice he’s mentioned at least three times now, ends up on his roster. He is not plunged into some great cold water, nor is he taken by surprise. Ruffles does what she does best, and her coordination is paramount, a service even to their inquisition and their inquisitor. Yet.

Yet.

Yet, for a moment.

For a moment, he wants to say Josephine’s impressively long and titled name and add some epithets onto it, glorious, golden, insulting epithets. Others move around them, yet Varric remains, rooted in place, eyes still on Meredith, even as the other members of their team filter past him.

“I guess we should talk.” He states, turning, one boot on the step in front of him and out of the office. “If this is going to work that is.” It’s not an entire dismissal, but it is harsh, dripping with latent anger, crumpled and discarded somewhere under rubble. The light in him flickers, and he shakes his head.

“C’mon, follow me.” He states it’s not aggressive, nonchalant. There is no Hanged Man here; he will not take her into the garden, and those souls lingering out there will not rest with the beast lingering within him and the deeds inside her heart. So he moves, rather to the door and into the Great Hall. There is that roar of people. It reminds him of a roar of a square somewhere far across the sea. Toiling in a troublesome manner, taking his earnings to rebuild and regrow, like a vine against stone - Kirkwall too, she will rise, out of ash, smoke fire, the templar that follows the stone of his back. He cuts through the noise, to his fireplace - a nearly holy second place.

Home? No, that wanders, meanders somewhere far from here, changing like the tides, but his desk is a refuge of books and papers along with several chairs. “Take a seat, or move the books out of one; I’m behind as always.” He jests; it’s half flat, pained nearly, but his ears are still ringing, anger and blood coursing quietly through his veins. If it were any other, he would offer tea or something stronger; rather, he takes a seat as well.

Words have been building, toiling in the pit of his being for months, for years even, but they turn to ash. Like Haven, like the conclave, like Kirkwall - like the both of them, both of them stuck in some endless cycle and unable to give it up. “Well, this is going to be a change.”

No shit.

“First,” He starts, without thinking, getting himself ahead of his mind, “I don’t tolerate bullshit on my teams; that’s a way to get your ass sent back to Skyhold.”

#.is it a dour song? ( IDOLBOUND )#.v: act two ( INQUISTION )#.t: does it heal all wounds; never?#hello lexie I am here to cause a problem and the problem is for the dash #this is brought to everyone by a whole bunch of sleep token three weeks of editing and maybe some cannabis #also this may be the third draft and the happiest i will be with this as i don't think i can widdle my way to perfection as isnt a thing #You feel free to do what EVER with this #please do not match my fucking essay he just has a lot of things to say at all times

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