#therapy through words

[escaped-goat]

To the odd spirits who visit my blog, leave kind messages, or wander through like ghosts in the marsh:

Finding passions in life is hard and can even feel daunting or hopeless. But everyone has that hidden spark of flame that finds their heels someday.

When you want to look for the spark that keeps your spirit, that one bit of light that makes you come alive, look backward. Because you will never find the marks you make in the future; it hasn't happened yet.

Look at all of the doors you've opened, the windows you've passed, the hands you've shaken- what color comes away? What gift stains your fingers, coming away from your body like a poorly-contained painter's heart? Because I guarantee you when you look back, it will be entirely too obvious.

And I hope that when you find it, when you see it, you smile. You smile and you shake your head and you mumble, "Of course."

I wish that. I yearn for that. For everyone on this strange little rock spaceship we call home.

[ando666detonao]

don't you ever read a piece of fanfiction so good you just

[rabidhiss]

Excerpt from a conversation over a mixup in getting together. Then my friend said this, and it hit me on a very deep and profound level. I assume everyone doesn’t like me. I assume I’m ugly. I assume I will always be alone, I assume I will not succeed. This sets a course, it goes beyond venting of frustration, it becomes belief and belief sets a path. Is it any wonder why friends don’t call that much anymore? I think not. I think I’ve driven them to fatigue. But even taking her text into consideration and NOT speaking on my own assumptions for why our hangouts are sparse and few in between, I feel fatigue when I hear myself speak about the fucking cage I’ve placed myself in. It becomes a running joke that was never funny to begin with. Shit or get off the pot. End it or Don’t.

I haunt myself over memories of our end. I feel crippled and ugly. I feel I gave so much to be smacked in the face at the end. I feel like a dog abandoned once again. Staring out the window because one day she might return.

It’s as exhausting and pathetically vomitus and pretentious as that. I have to end this cycle. It needs to end.

[chaosgremlim]

I’ll be completely honestly. I will judge you based on how you view Lottie Mathews. If you watch Yellowjackets and go calling her “psycho” “crazy” and judge her abhorent and manipulative for literally just having symptoms of her psychosis while UNMEDICATED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING WILDERNESS, I won’t trust you for shit.

[kindnessoverperfection]

Lately, when I talk about someone I strongly disagree with, I think about my friends.

When I interact with someone who regularly rants about people, and tends to take things in the worst ways (without any attempts at self-reflection or grace), I feel more on-edge. I'm nervous to voice opinions. I'm always over-thinking everything I send them, worried about how they'll receive it.

On the other hand, I feel much safer during conversations where someone is speaking neutrally about those they feel at conflict with. When they feel upset about a situation, but without talking aggressively about the other person. Because I know that if we're ever in a disagreement, or have some sort of conflict or misunderstanding, they won't hurt me or suddenly hate me*.

I used to speak much more aggressively about people. My personality disorders, combined with online toxic environments, were big factors in that. I was stressed and angry constantly, and I felt justified, and I felt afraid and ashamed to respond with anything but anger. But to make a long story short, I had several big painful interpersonal experiences where I realized how my attitude was impacting my friends.

I remember the nervousness in my friends' eyes. I remember the people I've met who are much older and never grew out of that reactive communication style, and I don't want to be that person. I want my loved ones to feel safe around me.

So nowadays, I do my best to speak compassionately (or at least neutrally). Because I want to signal to my friends that I'm not going to be cruel to them, or to automatically believe the worst of them, during a conflict or misunderstanding. I try to vent about situations and my fears instead of people.

I wish I'd realized this before.

*(I discuss splitting in the tags)

[socksracoon10]

look i am not a lando norris fan at all but for the lando fans pls have SOME decorum we're all stressed about the race coming up, we all have our favorite drivers that we want to win I get it, this is a crucial part of the race. At least on my views, i don't want Lando to crash or DNF like yeah it would help max but i wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy so at the same time stop wishing it for max, dont wish that for any driver imo because that's childish and rude on top of all this, lemme clarify max will NOT try to crash into lando on purpose (ive been seeing posts like that)... i fear people keep forgetting that max has matured a lot more than people give him credit for. He raced clean in Brazil, the worst he's done as of late was his classic pushing them off track limits move but any other driver would do the exact same thing at the moment in order to secure their championship. at the end of the day, it's so funny how a number of people that the drivers have never met will go on long rants to tear down another driver. I have my thoughts about lando, I get mad too and I say stuff not ONLINE where others can read. i think we all need to calm down keep our thoughts in our head and if your argument is "b-b-but other people are - but other people are doing it they're saying mean stuff!" THEN BE THE BETTER PERSON??? dont stoop to their level thats all i wanna say at the end of the day youre not their parents, youre not their gf/bf, youre not even an acquaintance... you are a person on tumblr... that they don't know... dont defend them to death, dont whine about them to death just watch the damn race, pray your driver does well and if they say or do something wrong accept that they did something wrong and move on with your life thats literally it ok im done ranting lol (i mightve gone crazy in the tags lol)

[grimreaperofroleplay]

I don't know about you but my bingo card for S3 of maws is just gonna be full of Clark suffering through the after affects of the black mercy shit because God let us see this boy vulnerable and in need of a therapy session, that's the least he deserves after the shit pack the writers put him through, It's also because I want to PHYSICALLY see this 6 something ft man BREAK INTO SOBS AFTER UNABLE TO SAVE SOMEONE BECAUSE GOD I NEED THAT, I NEED TO HIM NOT ABLE TO SAVE SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE SAVED I WANT HIM TO SHATTER I WANT HIM TO CRY AND BREAK!! I WANT HIM TO SUFFER I WANT TO SEE HIM IN SUCH A FRAGILE STATE THAT SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS A MISUNDERSTOOD WORD GETS TO HIM. I WANT HIM BROKEN.

Anyways

Thank you for coming to my pep talk^^

[bg-sparrow]

mcfly july 2024 || 🌲🌲 || day 24 Out in the Desert

Emmett wants to get better. 

Therapy helps. Medication helps more. But he’s not there yet.

He has no energy for sports. He refused insulin and electroshock.

But he’ll try the saxophone.

Trouble is, Emmett can barely hold a saxophone, let alone play one.

But he wants to get better.

He’s too embarrassed to play in his apartment; he left his window open the first night.

So, Emmett went out to the desert so no one could accuse him of strangling a dead goose.

“Hot Cross Buns?”

Emmett spins. “Dr. Oppenheimer.”

“You take requests?”

“If the request is ‘stop’, then yes.”

[milkyspine]

— forgiveness isn't a knife (put it down)

[socdfoe]

i couldn't choose which version is better🥀🥀🥀

[katetorias]

don’t think it should be a crazy take to understand that by definition systems are a collection of dissociated self states found in people with complex dissociative disorders (DID, OSDD, UDD, etc). that’s what the word system means in this context, and is the definition used in books and scientific literature about systems.

complex dissociative disorders are seen by years of research and testimony to be caused by childhood trauma. systems are a symptom of CDDs, meaning systems are caused by childhood trauma. a system is just one of the symptoms of having a complex dissociative disorder, and things like CPTSD, amnesia, dissociation, depersonalization/derealization, depression/suicidal tendencies are also symptoms.

systems are a symptom of a disorder that is caused by repeated childhood trauma. it’s a life saving defense mechanism our brains had to create to protect ourselves from the trauma. the brain dissociates to keep us from experiencing the traumatic events directly. that is why systems exist. that’s it.

it’s not an identity it’s just a symptom of a disorder. if that’s not what you’re experiencing then system just isn’t the right term

[fleshdyk3]

i wish so badly i could be one of those people that wear a billion gaudy rings all the time. however i bear the curse

[sadieshavingsex]

hi everyone. I think I have figured out the “real problem” in my life. I am really starting to understand myself, I think, in a new way. I understand how my entire concept of life fits well into the ideas of borderline personality disorder, codependency, fearful or anxious attachment, boundary issues, and more.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot this morning. Here is what I think is the root problem: i am literally, no hyperbole at all, clinically debilitated by my all-encompassing obsession with love.

What I mean by this is that I am so obsessed with finding a partner, attaching to a partner, stressing about a partner, discarding a partner, and starting the cycle over again that I feel I need some kind of clinical treatment, whether it’s inpatient our outpatient, whether it’s therapy or meds, or I need to join some kind of group like SLAA, whatever I can do to stop this uncontrollable issue that I have accidentally allowed to control my life for years.

I cannot stress enough that I am literally unable to experience life without these obsessions, and I see very little point in living without or outside of this cycle of romantic attachment. The advice to find a new hobby, see my friends more often, or take some time to relax by myself will never be enough—despite hanging out with people or working on a project, I will mentally be in a different place, wondering about my partner/crush or worrying about our relationship. The times are very few and far between when I am genuinely able to forget or not focus on this near-constant train of thought, and it usually happens when I am very busy or have a lot going on in some way. Even when I achieve this state, the moment that I am back to “normal” life with less demands or less concerted focus, the thoughts rush in again. And, much of the time when I am having these continuing obsessive thoughts, I genuinely believe that these thoughts are the most important thing I can focus on in my life, so I will sometimes have difficulty focusing on other stuff, participating in activities with others, or getting things done without these thoughts constantly playing in my mind.

I mean this in the most serious way possible. I am LITERALLY OBSESSED with romance and objects of affection. It sounds like I’m overexaggerating and I think that when I have become vaguely aware of this issue in the past and tried to tell people about it, it has generally been met with the assertion that I MUST be overexaggerating this in some way. And, if I’m not, then it is honestly something that seems super embarrassing to admit or talk about. But the truth is that I feel like I can’t overstate or overexaggerate the impact that this has on my life. I feel like it takes up every moment of my free time and then some, and it has ever since I was a child.

I know this issue essentially fits into all of these diagnoses and issues I’ve been experiencing and reading about, but I somehow feel that it transcends them as well. Like, THIS is the thing that makes normal aspects of life debilitating. THIS is the reason I let my boundaries fall by the wayside so easily. THIS is the reason I repeatedly find myself in situations that make no sense with what I’m actually trying to achieve. THIS is the problem. This singleminded uncontrollable OBSESSION with loving and being loved is INSANE. It is driving me actually nuts and running my life into the ground. It needs to be dealt with and it honestly cannot go on!!!!!!!!

Anyway. I feel encouraged by realizing that but I have no clue how to actually fix it. Thank you very much for reading lol.

[lisutarid-a]

[Gakuen K] Munakata Reisi Route Translation

How to make tea

LIST OF CHAPTERS

[Translation under the cut]

Munakata: …You've become quite used to the tea taste.

Saya: Yeah, I have. But is it okay that I've been treated so many times…?

Munakata: Yeah. I don't mind. Like I said, even if I call on them, they'll turn me down, except for you…

Munakata: Besides, you are my lover. I'm inviting you because I want to spend as much time with you as possible, so please don't worry about it.

Saya: (I feel like we definitely spend more time together. He said he's going to make me fall in love with him, but…)

Saya: (I wonder if he's serious…? Or he's just teasing me again…?)

Munakata: Come to think of it, it reminds me of the first time I served you tea and you nearly collapsed from the tension in your legs.

Saya: Please forget about it!

Munakata: I enjoyed watching you being nervous, so it's a little disappointing to see you get so used to it.

Saya: (What senpai said is a little mean…)

Munakata: Even so, I'm glad I got some good sweets today.

Saya: They were very tasty.I think it might have been a very expensive one. Perhaps they were very expensive…?

Munakata: Not at all, I recieved it from a friend who knows me well enough to know that I enjoy tea ceremonies.

Munakata: It is a gift, and if you don't eat it, it is meaningless, so don't worry about it.

Saya: Okay, I got it.

Saya: Speaking of Japanese sweets, once before Awashima-sensei brought you red bean paste.

Munakata: !!

Saya: I was so surprised to see so many red bean paste and I didn't expect to see sweets under it.

Saya: The red bean paste was delicious…It made the tea taste less bitter and I enjoyed drinking it.

Saya: I miss it. I'll follow the example of Awashima-sensei with anko…

Munakata: …Let's finish up this conversation about anko for another time, shall we?

Saya: O-Okay.

Saya: It is cool outside. It's even a bit cold.

Munakata: Because it's already the end of autumn. Well, let's go home before it gets dark.

Saya: (He said it was fine, but…)

Saya: (I always end up having him make the tea for me…I want to make tea for Munakata-senpai this time)

Saya: (I need to learn to do that properly. I did a little research before, but it wasn't enough…)

Saya: (There are no club activities tomorrow, so I may go looking for a book after school)

Saya: (There were several, but it's easier to understand if there's pictures in the book)

Saya: (Let's borrow this one and go home)

Saya: (Come to think of it, even if I read a book, I don't know if I'll get it right until I actually try to make it)

Saya: (Maybe I should get some utensils. But tea utensils seems expensive)

Saya: (I wonder if they sell them cheap as a set or something like that)

Munakata: Oya, hello.

Saya: Ah, senpai. Hello.

Munakata: That book you are holding, is it a book about tea ceremonies?

Saya: (He found out. Not that I was hiding it, but I wanted to practice first)

Saya: Yeah. Senpai always makes tea for me, and I thought that next time I would like him to drink the tea I make for him.

Munakata: Is that so? I like doing it, so please don't worry about it.

Munakata: But if you want to learn, you are more than welcome to do so.

Munakata: It is important to read books, but since you are here, let me teach you. Do you have some time for this?

Saya: Yeah, it's fine. But, is it okay?

Munakata: I don't mind. I may get to see you get nervous again.

Saya: !!

Munakata: Well then, let's go to the president's office.

Saya: (I'll definitely try not to get nervous!)

Munakata: Now that the utensils are ready, let's get started.

Saya: Okay!

Munakata: Basically, there is also a manner of entering and sitting in the room, but you can read about that in the book…

Munakata: I'll focus my explanation on how to make tea.

Saya: Please treat me well.

Munakata: No need to be so tense.

Saya: I-I'm not tense.

Munakata: Now, I'll do it first, so please watch carefully.

Saya: (Usually I just observe, but today I'll be closely watching senpai's movements)

Munakata: First, warm the teacup and tea whisk with hot water, then pour matcha into the teacup.

Munakata: Then add hot water and stir quickly with tea whisk.

Saya: (After all, senpai is used to it, his every movement is beautiful…)

Munakata: And that's all. Now, it is fine for you to mimic what you have learned, so please give it a try.

Saya: Okay, I understood.

Saya: (All right! Let's do it!)

*A few moments later*

Saya: ….

Saya: Um, I'm sorry about all this.

Munakata: It's fine. I am glad you are not hurt.

Saya: You're not angry?

Munakata: You mean…For you spilling hot water on the tatami?

Munakata: Or for putting too much matcha from the can and using almost all of it?

Munakata: Or shall it be something else?

*More moments later*

Saya: I'm really sorry…

Saya: (He's indeed mad at me…)

Munakata: Fufu…I'm not angry.

Saya: Eh?

Munakata: I said I'm not mad at you.

Munakata: The way you panic was so funny that instead of getting angry, I had a lot of fun.

Saya: T-That's great then.

Saya: (Munakata-senpai…I feel he is being mean to me after all!)

Munakata: Besides, it seems that you worked very hard to make tea for me.

Munakata: The purpose of these things is to enjoy each other's company during the time we spend together.

Saya: To enjoy…

Munakata: Did you enjoy it?

Choice: I enjoyed it ❤︎

Saya: Yeah, I did. It was fun. Though I failed a lot.

Munakata: They say “failure is the source of success". Didn't you learn a lot from that?

Saya: Yeah! If I happen to have a second opportunity, I'd love to make you tea again.

Saya: (Next time I'd like senpai to drink it properly)

Choice: I didn't enjoy it

Saya: I didn't enjoy it much because I made a lot of mistakes and was in a hurry.

Munakata: I see…That's a shame.

Saya: But I learned some things this time, so if there is a next time, I would like to try one again.

Munakata: It is very good that you have desire to improve. Feel free to come back and make some more tea.

Saya: Yeah, thank you!

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[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

Having Oliver Queen be the one to comfort other characters when in situations because he hardly ever got any in his five years and he wants to make sure no one else has to feel that way

[widevibratobitch]

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee