#then tonight was going to rewatch and saw the new episode was on there

[katie618318]

I’m convinced the only reason Kyle hired Party Down to cater his event is because it was the only way he could get Roman to attend

[faerlygraceful]

So I rewatched all of the “Begins” episodes last night and it only managed to cement my head canons about Tommy, which began forming after we saw him again.

Of course I don’t know if they thought this was going to be where the character ended up when they filled the firehouse back in season 2. I don’t know what Lou thought about his character. I don’t know what the intentions were. What I am doing (since this is my head canon), is taking new knowledge and using it to recategorize previous interactions. I’m queer, it’s what we all do.

So I’m going to share my analysis with all of y’all cause this is the internet, and I’m allowed.

Spoilers for… well everything.

Tommy is one of the three characters who shows up in all three Begins episodes, the other two being Athena and Sal DeLuca. His first appearance in the show is Hen Begins, but as we know Chimney Begins is chronologically first, so we’re starting there.

Chimney Begins

1) We first see Tommy when probie Howie walks in. He doesn’t seem to notice that Howie is a probie, asking who didn’t tip the takeout guy. Gerrard quickly takes the role of antagonist, and that’s when we move on.

2) At one point when they’re coming back from a call after Howie has been there a while, Tommy says, in a surprised tone, “You’re still here?” I think this is less of a, “You don’t belong here,” and more of a, “You’ve been here for weeks/months and haven’t been out once, I would have quit, why haven’t you?”

3) While man behind, Howie helps a guy who was having indigestion and a panic attack at the same time. When the rest get back, Howie tries to bond with them over the call, but is ignored. They are talking about takeout options and Gerrard asks Tommy, when his girlfriend is supposed to come in and cook. Tommy sounds extremely contained during this interaction, gives a a day, and when pressed he stammers and promises. The conversation fades off so we don’t hear what he promises, but he didn’t seem all that enthusiastic about his girlfriend coming in.

- Now this is where we really start getting into my hcs. Either Tommy is bi (which we’ll hopefully find out tomorrow) or he’s closeted. The tightness in his voice (which is all we have to go on because the camera is focused on the POV character), tells me that he’s extremely uncomfortable with the interaction. He’s been put on the spot, and he doesn’t like it. I think the girlfriend is either a) a friend he’s brought by the house once and everyone inferred or b) someone he manufactured in order to get out of team events ie, “Oh I can’t go out tonight, my girl is cooking.” He is uncomfortable with what his boss (a confirmed bigot) is asking for, and the man is pressuring him to produce his beard. If she was actually his girlfriend and Tommy is also bisexual, it could just be that’s he’s uncomfortable exposing her to the environment that the 118 is at that point.

4) Howie starts to try and broach the barriers between himself and the other firefighters, only to be rebuked. At one point he corners Tommy in the locker room, and starts naming off all these topics, stating, “Tell me what your thing is and I’ll make it mine.” Talking about his formidable people skills and asking if that means Tommy just didn’t like him that much.

Tommy tells him, “If I thought about you at all, I probably wouldn’t.” Which tells me that Tommy has already built his mask, his persona, and since the others don’t try to look beyond the surface he’s able to maintain it, but he can’t afford to let anyone in. He can’t think about the new guy on the squad, he’s too busy making sure Gerrard doesn’t find out about his closet. That would be just another person to have to hide from anyway.

This is when Howie gets pulled for the ambulance. Eli tells him that it’s not personal, because friends die and funerals are held. Which makes me also think that Howie stepped into the shoes of a firefighter who died. Maybe one who Tommy was particularly close to? Eli goes on to call Howie a puppy who doesn’t get a name until they know it’s gonna come through.

The next thing that happens is Kevin Lee’s death. Which is incredibly sad and is a big part of how Howie develops as a firefighter, but this meta is Tommy focused so moving on.

5) The garage collapse at the mall, and Tommy almost dies. More to it, Howie saved him. So Tommy decides to share some things with Howie. “Love Actually, monster trucks, and craft beer”. Maybe not a coming out story, but he did declare that one of his favorite movies is a rom com. It’s a start.

Hen Begins

1) Tommy is first seen when Hen walks into the house. He’s comes up to the railing after Gerrard calls for everyone and is positioned between the captain and DeLuca. Now it’s my personal opinion that DeLuca is an ass and that’s backed up by these episodes but even Hen defends him in Bobby Begins Again, and that started with this episode. But again, we’re not here to get into Sal DeLuca’s headspace, this is about Tommy. When Gerrard calls Hen an “diversity” hire, we see Tommy looking very uncomfortable, and Sal is the one to take up some of Captain’s dirty work for him (“For real?”). This is the episode where I truly see Tommy as “falling in line” with the captain. He’s opened up a little to Howie (no nickname yet), a little more inclined to joke, but still is holding these boundaries.

2) DeLuca talks about taking his girl to see some vampire movie and Tommy immediately knows it’s Twilight. DeLuca talks about how he likes Kristen Stewart (with Hen agreeing) before saying something about getting behind that, which makes Hen uncomfortable. (According to this, it would put it in 2008, which means she’s a paramedic for ten years prior to Buck joining which I hate. All those movies came out rather fast but could all be classified as “Twilight” so it was probably at least Eclipse in 2010 especially with the references made…. But then we start to go into how much I hate this timeline because nothing makes sense ever) Tommy talks about how he doesn’t understand the attraction to KS because she’s too… (Sal puts in hot here) broody, and Sal asks him if that means he’s Team Jacob (which is what makes me think it’s at least during Eclipse, I don’t see DeLuca being a Twi-Hard, and so his frame of reference would be movie based), and when Tommy acts confused (not sure if an act or not, he knew what Twilight was, but that doesn’t mean he knows about Team Edward vs Team Jacob), Chimney confirms that he’s implying that Tommy is gay. You. See. Him. Freeze. There is a few seconds where Tommy freezes in place like he’s processing before he makes a joke, blowing a kiss at Sal before laughing. Gerrard puts a stop to the conversation, and Hen takes a seat.

— Remember when Tommy has buried himself in the closet? What happened when someone rattles the door with a gay joke? One where it’s being implied that you are gay? When you’re bigot of a boss is sitting not five feet from you at the same table? You freeze to not immediately deny the accusation in a way that would make you look sus, and then you make a joke out of it. It hurts, so much.

———-Ah shit I’m going to timeline this———

From what we know, Tommy was in the army as a pilot. For Timeline purposes we’re going to assume that Eli leaving is the reason Hen went to the 118. During her med student arc it talks about how she was a paramedic for 10 years, so 2012 makes sense there. It doesn’t make sense with other thing’s because in Lonestar’s Hold the Line (2021 would make this make sense), Hen tells Owen that Denny is 10 and she and Karen and her were married for 8 years, (Same sex marriage has only been legal in CA since 2013). Bobby was their captain for a year in Worst Day Ever, they had a captain parade for two years (six captains) and before that they had a someone who was cleaning up after Gerrard. Also Hen and Karen were freshly back together when DADT was repealed. That makes Denny a baby on September 20th of 2011.

Enlistment periods are 8 years but that’s a mix of active and inactive duty. If Tommy signed up out of high school (18), was an active duty pilot for 6 years (24) and then moved to the reserves for the remaining two while he became a firefighter, it means he could have been a firefighter for two years longer than Hen or Chimney while being less than 10 years older than Buck.

Now none of this helps in placing where these episodes fall in the timeline, but I would say that Bobby’s first day falls about a year before the pilot, and Chimney Begins and Hen Begins butt right up together. Also I have no more information on Eli and how long he stayed after training Chim, and I probably never will because I cannot watch Boston.

More timeline BS. Hen and Karen had to have gotten together during the captain parade because Gerrard would not have let her on a call where she got hurt enough that Chim would make the call to Karen.

——————— Timeline bs over ——————

3) Tommy asks about how “New York bitchiness” could be a compliment after Howie mentioning that she has an East coast vibe, and Hen thanks him for the compliment. And then Howie makes it seem like Tommy’s calling her bitchy, but I don’t see it that way. What’s more likely is that’s the only vibe he knows from the east coast, so when Howie suggests she has it, he’s like, wait you think that’s a compliment? Howie treats it like Tommy’s calling Hen a bitch, but it honestly didn’t come off that way, more like Tommy trying to clarify that Howie wasn’t calling Hen a bitch by saying she has an “East Coast Vibe”. Anyway this conversation quickly devolves in Gerrard being a misogynist, and Tommy and DeLuca quickly scamper off.

4) Not Tommy related, but we do have someone with insight into being an openly gay firefighter now. Casey with the 115. He says that they knew he was gay from the moment he walked in, and it didn’t matter that he was the strongest guy in the firehouse. Here we have proof that it doesn’t matter your qualifications, if you’re perceived as gay, you’re automatically singled out. He said it was so hard that he was told to quit and find a new dream by his partner. Now, there is a red flag about your SO tellingly you to give up your dreams, but can you imagine how bad it would have been for the boyfriend to get to that point? The person you care about coming home every night defeated and downtrodden over something that’s supposed to be his dream? The ease in which Casey shed the boyfriend makes me think that they weren’t together long enough to earn those privileges, but the job also gets a red flag for being so bad that you’d advise your short term boyfriend to quit.

5) Hen’s speech. During this we don’t see him often, because he’s off to the side. The camera is more focused on Gerrard, DeLuca and Howie for the most part. But he does seem very closed off, when you do see him, his arms crossed, not standing defensively or challengingly like DeLuca, but like he’s trying to shrink. Actually it kind of reminds me of another queer firefighter that we all know.

6) We don’t get to see much more of the reactions because we go immediately into a call where a party limo crashed into a flower truck. Which we only know about because Hen went looking for it, saving the life of a little boy. Tommy tells her good job, that they would have discovered the secondary wreck eventually but that it would have been too late. She also has now earned Sal’s respect.

7) When they get back the Chief is there. Now remember, she gave her speech, they went out, they come back out and Gerrard is being removed. Nothing that happened on that call or involving her speech has anything to do with this. She thinks she’s being fired, that Gerrard called while heading to or back from the scene to have her removed, but that’s not the case. Her speech wasn’t actually necessary because everyone was already complaining about how Gerrard treated her. They even talk about someone who compared Gerrard and his behavior to hemorrhoids. Which I’m not saying could be from the army pilot who was probably deployed and had to undergo long-term constipation or diarrhea, but it could be.

Now all in all, there nothing really bad about Tommy’s behavior that we’ve seen. He doesn’t approach Hen, but we’ve seen from her interactions with Howie that she barely accepts his overtures of friendship in the beginning, and Tommy is much more closed off, remembering how he only opened up to Howie after he saved his life. He also doesn’t stand up for Hen to the captain’s face, but as an Army guy, he follows the chain of command. Doesn’t mean he won’t file one or two or three complaints through the proper channels. He just can’t afford to put himself in Gerrard’s crosshairs, can’t afford to undergo his scrutiny.

Bobby Begins Again

1) Hen has started a betting pool on the newest captain. Over under is 6 weeks, making me think that that’s the least amount of time a Captain stayed (about a month and a half and if they had 6 captains in 2 years that’s an average of 4 months). Tommy gives Nash a month and has to run to the ATM. DeLuca is obviously the main antagonizer, it sounds like he wanted the 118 and was denied (Also ABC, maybe bring him back ala Billy Tyson? Might be fun.).

2) Tommy has never worked on a farm, or dealt with toddlers. Cause he was floundering and falling all over himself when trying to catch Maurice the rooster. All in all these calls don’t show much. Tommy follows Bobby’s instructions, even though part of time he’s just parroting what Sal says, no arguments. Adds further credibility to the fact that he follows chain of command. It doesn’t matter that this guys only going to last a month, he’s my captain now.

3) During the Guillermo’s fire, Sal breaks rank to save the kid (which considering who that kid grows up to be, it sucks that he was successful). But when Bobby takes him to task for endangering them all, Sal doubles down. I thought I was paying attention during this scene, but it’s hard with the yelling. At least two people try to get him to cool it, one of them being Chimney who calls DeLuca “Fredo”.

4) They’re all at the bar, talking about Sal getting fired when Bobby shows up and the vibes change. Now sometime over the past twoish years Tommy is single, and it seems chronically at least to the house. Maybe because Gerrard is gone he doesn’t have to maintain a beard anymore, but with the endless captain parade and DeLuca being a tool, he doesn’t feel comfortable coming out? I think he’s also classified the 118 as unsafe, so maybe this lended a reason for his later transfer. But as he says, “Single is easier. Having the scars impresses women, getting ‘em freaks ‘em out.” Which gives heavy implications that like Buck in season one, Tommy isn’t dating but hooking up. If he’s gay, then his partners would have to be okay with the fact that he’s still closeted. And mention of women aside, it’s implied that a longer term relationship ended because he got hurt on the job. (This is why I don’t ascribe to the Tommy dated Abby theory. She implied that her relationship ended because of Patricia, and Tommy implies his last was due to injury. Which could be. He got hurt on the job and she couldn’t handle care giver burden for both of them? But that’s also turning Abby into Shannon Diaz pt 1 and while I dislike both women, they don’t need to be same character different font.) Here’s what I think. He got hurt on the job, and his long term boyfriend couldn’t even go to the hospital to check on him because he wasn’t out to his crew, causing them to break up.

Also for all you Buck/Tommy writers, Tommy canonically has a scar on his right side from a piece of shrapnel that he caught. He says it’s from a factory explosion. I don’t have the ability to get screen shots atm, but it’s pretty.

5) Tommy quotes Fight Club with Chim. So maybe another victim of the Han School of Movie References?

6) Bobby starts with family dinners. Tommy decides to transfer. The cake says, “The 217’s lose is our gain,” and they push his head into it.

The very next scene is Buck walking into the 118.

So all in all, we see Tommy as a deeply guarded character. He doesn’t open up easily, he follows orders, he has a soft side. I don’t really know how to conclude this because I sprinkled my impressions throughout, but I hope that this helps anyone who’s looking for Tommy characterization, and we’ll see tomorrow if any of this is right.

[thebisexualdogdad]

An eventful holiday - Thea Queen x Male!reader

A/N: based off the 1x09 holiday episode because I've started a DC show rewatch and forgot how much of a crush I used to have on Thea

When Oliver came back from the dead he had a lot of new things he had to adjust to, one of the hardest being that his little sister who was only twelve the last time he saw her was now seventeen with a boyfriend.

He wanted an opportunity to bring his family closer after learning they stopped celebrating Christmas when he and his father went missing so Oliver planned a big Christmas party to make up for lost time.

However he didn't expect you to be invited as Thea's plus one.

He, Thea, Moira and Walter just got their photo taken when you walk in holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Hi, uh Thea invited me," you say seeing the angry look on Oliver's face, "Mrs. Queen these are for you."

You hand Moira the flowers and she thanks you, Thea kissing you on the cheek and showing you to the food table.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you how amazing you look tonight," you smile, grabbing a christmas cookie and taking a bite of it.

"You clean up pretty nice yourself," she says, drinking a glass of champagne and taking in the sight of you in your suit.

"Well I wanted to impress your brother, I don't think he likes me very much," you admit.

"Because he doesn't know you and he still doesn't want to believe I'm not a little kid anymore," she tells you.

"Maybe we should hang out sometime, just the three of us so he and I can actually get to know each other," you suggest.

"You're putting in a lot of effort to get the approval of my brother," she chuckles.

"That's because I love you, I want him to know that I'm serious about us and would never do anything to hurt you."

Thea smiles and kisses you sweetly, putting her empty glass down on the table, "I love you too and I think we should go upstairs for some privacy so I can give you your christmas present."

"But we exchanged gifts already," You say confused as you and Thea had a small get together with your family a few days prior.

"This is the part of your gift that I couldn't give you in front of your parents," she grins.

You had no idea what was in store for you but you quickly down a glass of champagne as she takes your hand and guides you towards the stairs.

Oliver sees this and glares at you, about to follow you two with intentions of kicking you out of the party but his mother puts her hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Let them be Oliver," Moira says calmly.

"You're really okay with what they are going to do up there?" Oliver huffs.

"They are young and in love, in case you've forgotten your father and I tried to stop you sneaking around with girls when you were their age and yet you still always found a way," she chuckles.

"She's not ready to be in a relationship this serious," Oliver states.

"And you were?" Moira laughs, "you have to accept that Thea is not the same twelve year old she was when you left."

"Excuse me mom, I need to get some air," Oliver sighs, heading to the front door.

Meanwhile upstairs you are sitting on Thea's bed as she locks her door, sauntering towards you and climbing in your lap.

"Go ahead and unzip my dress," she says and you reach up, pulling the zipper down her chest to reveal the black lacy bra she has underneath.

"Wow," you mutter, the top of her dress falling off her shoulders and bunching around her waist.

"You like it?" She asks it.

"You are so beautiful Thea," you say putting your hands on her waist and kissing her deeply.

The kiss intensifies, Thea slipping your suit jacket off and tossing it to the floor before unbuttoning your shirt.

You pick her up and flip her over, letting her get comfortable against the pillows.

Thea moans softly as you kiss down her neck and along her chest while pulling her dress the rest of the way off her body exposing the lacy black panties that matched her bra.

"Merry Christmas Y/N," she says, biting her lip.

"This just may be the best gift I've ever received," you mutter, your lips traveling along her stomach which results in her hips rocking up for any form of friction.

You spend a while exploring her body and working her up, fully enjoying your gift, your fingers are gently rubbing her over the lace and her arousal is starting to soak through the material so you finally rid her of it.

You stand up and remove the rest of your clothes as well but look around, "Wait where's my jacket?"

You spot it on the floor and dig around in the inside pocket pulling a condom out.

"Were you expecting to get laid tonight?" Thea teases as she lifts her chest up to unclip her bra and tosses it aside.

"Not at all but it's always better to be prepared right," you chuckle, taking the condom out and rolling it on.

You reposition yourself back on top of her, spreading her legs apart and settling in between them.

Thea gasps when you ease the tip of your cock inside her, slowly pushing it the rest of the way in.

"Does this feel okay?" You ask and she nods.

You give a few rolls of your hips so she has a chance to adjust before you find a more steady rhythm.

She throws her head back, her chest in the air so you take the opportunity to nip at her neck and collarbones.

"Just like that," she moans, grasping at the sheets under her.

After a few minutes she feels her release approaching and reaches down, rubbing firm circles over her clit.

"I'm so close," she groans.

"Me too," you grunt, picking up the pace.

With just a few more thrusts Thea is cumming, her walls tightening around your cock and her eyes rolling back.

Seeing her like this takes you over the edge as well, riding out your highs together.

After cleaning yourselves up you're blissfully laying naked in her bed, a sheet loosely around your waists with her head on your chest when there's an urgent knocking on her door.

"Thea make yourself decent quickly, Diggle just called and Oliver's been in a motorcycle accident we need to go to the hospital right away," her mother says through the door with an obvious worry in her voice.

"Oh my god," Thea says, jumping out of bed and grabbing her clothes off the floor.

"Hey, what can I do for you?" You ask trying to comfort her as you both get redressed.

Thea opens her door surprised to see her mom is still standing there.

"Y/N you can help by seeing our guests out after we leave," Moira says.

"Of course Mrs. Queen," you say awkwardly, pulling your suit jacket on and kissing Thea's forehead before heading downstairs.

"Walter is bringing the car around," Moira says as they follow suit, "and Thea dear fix your dress, I do hope you two were using protection in there."

"Mom now is not the time for that!" Thea yelps in embarrassment realizing her dress is still half unzipped.

Well this certainly was the most eventful holiday Thea has had in a long time.

[jungkookslipring]

2 am

summary: you and your best friend had a rough day at work, but the group chat remains alive and well

pairings: reader x bff x Wonwoo x Jeonghan x Minghao

genre: slight angst but w/ a happy ending

relationship: platonic

You ever have those days where it starts off shitty but ends on a good note. That wasn’t your situation unfortunately. Today your day started off pretty great. One of your favorite bands dropped a new song, and you FaceTimed your bestie to jam out together at the crack of dawn. But as your day went on, it started taking a turn for the worst. Work kicked both of your asses, more than usual, and everything seemed to get worse before it got better. You two were exhausted by the time you got home from your 9-5. You both talked about it over dinner, knowing that getting whatever was bugging you off your chest would help. It did in a way, but that didn’t change what happened. You both bid each other a good night and went to your separate rooms. Hours passed and you haven’t slept a wink. You tossed and turned for a while, even ignored screen time so you could sleep properly. Nothing. You pulled out your phone and not only saw it was 2 in the morning, you noticed your friend was online. You threw on a shirt so you wouldn’t accidentally flash them, and knocked on their door.

“Yo” they say in a groggy voice. You creaked it open and saw them with one AirPod out of their ear, you could hear the new song playing.

“They filled this shit with crack I swear” they said as you give them a tired chuckle.

“You can’t sleep either?” they ask, briefly pausing the song. You shook your head.

“Nope,” you say yawning into your hand.

“What should we do?” They ask, pulling out their other AirPod. You shrug.

“I don’t know we could watch something?” You ask. They nod as you jumped into their bed and grabbed the remote, scrolling through Netflix to see if any of your shows came out with new episodes. While you were rewatching your favorite supernatural episodes, your phone lit up. It was your giant group chat that had wayyyy too many people in it.

Minghao: Who’s up

Jeonghan: Go to sleep

Minghao: but maaaaa

Jeonghan: Istg

Y/BFF/N: We’re up

Wonwoo: Who’s we

Y/n: Who do you think

Minghao: Kiss

Y/BFF/N: why are you the way you are

Jeonghan: please pardon my dear son

Minghao: pardon?!?!

Wonwoo: I’m going to sleep

Y/N: Who wants free food

Minghao: Bet

Wonwoo: Bet

Jeonghan: Bet

You two shut off the TV and quickly throw on a sweatshirt and sweats. You two hop in your friends car and speed off to the guys’ apartment. You pull up almost ready to honk the horn but remember it’s 2 am and you didn’t wanna get yelled at tonight, again. Your friend texted the guys that you two were parked across the street, and not too long later, three crackheads zoomed down the steps after quietly shutting the door.

“Get in losers we’re going shopping!” your friend yelled out the window, nearly blowing out your eardrum. You gave them a look before slapping their arm playfully.

“What’s the move?” You ask as the three pile into the back of your truck.

“Ice cup and tteokbokki” Wonwoo says almost immediately.

“7/11?” Jeonghan asks giving you puppy dog eyes.

“Step on it!” Minghao and your bestie yell at the same time. You two could already feel your moods lifting. Before you knew it you five were walking around 7/11, grabbing ramen, snacks, and ice drinks. After you paid for everyone’s food, you nodded towards the door, instead of sitting down like you normally would.

“Where are we going?” Jeonghan asks.

“You’ll see,” you say with a smirk, your friend’s face already lighting up.

“Are we getting kidnapped?” Minghao asks.

“Beats going to work tomorrow,” Wonwoo says sipping his drink. You all pile back in the rowdy boys are already fighting over the middle seat.

“Don’t spill in my truck,” y/bff/n scolded jokingly.

“They’ll kick you out on the freeway,” you say with the most serious face possible before you two broke out into cackles. You drove a good 10 minutes until you reached a hilltop that overlooked the skyscrapers. You guys have been up there countless times, but the fresh air after a day like today did your body and mind wonders. You dropped your tailgate and everyone piled in, laying out multiple blankets and dispersing all the snacks. Everyone laughed and ate to their hearts content, groaning at how full they were just from the ramen and drinks an hour later. You all laid in a cuddle pile staring at the stars in comfortable silence until Minghao spoke up.

“God this was so needed” he whispered. You lifted your head to look at him.

“Bad day?” You ask. He nodded slowly. The guys all hummed in agreement. Everyone had stressful jobs, and it was only the beginning of the week.

“Thanks for reaching out Minghao,” Y/BFF/N said as she rested her head back on Wonwoo’s chest. Everyone once again hummed in agreement as you all cuddled closer. Your day may have sucked the life out of you two, but you could count on the ones you love to make your heart beat again.

taglist: @felixmainacc@felixburneracc@myforevermelody143@dunno-wut-to-do@itzsana-kiddingmenow

[wen-kexing-apologist]

What Happened to Trin? aka Paying Attention to My Favorite Straight Boy

Friends. Romans. Country men. 

I have a confession. 

Yesterday I reblogged a Shadow gifset of Josh cuddling Nai in the middle of the night after returning from his evening of smoking in the woods with Dan. In that reblog, I wrote the tag “Josh is my favorite straight boy in the show”. I showered praise upon him for being secure enough in his own sexuality to cuddle with the Known Queer. But I am concerned I may have been mistaken. 

I was chatting with @khathastrophe about some Shadow theories and she sent me a screen shot of a conversation she had had with @brazilian-whalien52 about her theories around Josh. 

Now, I personally do not think that Trin had a crush on Josh, unless they are intentionally obfuscating the context around the two conversations that Trin had with Joe where he did pretty much everything but explicitly state his feelings for Joe. And I hadn’t been thinking about Josh in relation to drugs, because yeah, he smoked weed, but if you couldn’t tell already, I have been hyperfocused on trying to unravel the One Armed Man thread and he is the only one I could remember having explicit ties to narcotics. 

BUT! I had already been working my way through a re-watch of Episodes 1-7 to see if there was any new information I could glean from the show now that I had better knowledge of all the characters and their relationships to one another. And tonight, I was already planning on watching Episodes 5-7, so I said “you know what? I have been 0% suspicious of Josh the entire way through, but this show is steeped in mystery and it would be irresponsible of me no to pay attention to the character that I write off…after all, in a mystery it’s always the inconspicuous ones,” 

And thus began my Josh!focused Rewatch of Episodes 5-7 (shout out to @so-much-yet-to-learn for bullying me about this, thank you for keeping me humble friend <3). 

Some things I noticed in Episode 5:

Anan was running against Trin for student body president 

When Trin is speaking in to the megaphone about wanting to change the bathrooms, Josh is in the crowd of students listening, but he does not participate in the chants everyone else is saying. And the second the Head Master appears, he is running off before he can really be registered as in attendance of this gathering. 

Josh was out of the room when Joe saw Trin’s ghost, he returns after Trin’s ghost disappears, and Josh has left the auditorium when Trin’s ghost reappears and Nai sees him following after Joe. 

Trin’s medical records state that he has bipolar disorder which can cause him to have hallucinations, he was off his medication, and he was using narcotics to treat his symptoms 

It is later revealed that Trin got a medical check up after his arm injury, where it was discovered that he had consumed marijuana. 

All in all there isn’t much to go off of here, expect that Josh seems rather non-committal to Trin’s policy changes, and he does not want to be seen in the company of unruly students. 

Episode 6, however, is where it starts getting interesting for me, because Episode 6 is where Josh invites Dan out for a little smoke sesh.  

Now, I will admit, at the time of my initial watch, most of the conversation between Dan and Josh whizzed right on past me, obviously the only reason he had called Dan out there was to ask if he liked Cha-aim and to showboat a little bit. But on this watch through, thinking about Trin and Josh and drugs, the conversation hit much different, and it warranted a theory. 

The Build Up

Dan asks Josh where he got the weed from, and Josh tells him he got it from a man named Bancha, an alumnus of the school who is a witch doctor. (now that I think about it, that is probably who this person is from the promos for Ep 8-14 (to your question @slayerkitty): 

ANYWAY, Josh tells Dan that Bancha is a hermit who lives near the woods, and is a witch doctor that can treat mental illnesses. He asks Dan if he’s been having trouble sleeping and upon hearing Dan confirm his sleeping issues, tells Dan that Bancha could totally help him get rid of his sleeping problems. 

So why did this start ringing alarm bells for me this time through? Because a) I was watching Josh with more scrutiny these episodes, b) I’ve been paying a probably unhealthy amount of attention to arms in Shadow over the last few weeks and c) I remembered more details about Trin. 

The Puzzle Pieces 

When Trin’s parents come storming in to Brother Anurak’s office pissed the fuck off because their sons medical records got leaked to the press, Brother Anurak mentions to them that Trin about a year ago (which is around the time Trin disappeared), Trin was treated in a hospital for an injury to his arm. 

We open Episode 1 of Shadow with Trin running through the forest, with his left arm bandaged up. 

Brother Anurak also tells Trin’s parents that he had weed in his system when he got that treatment. (When I heard this at first I brushed it off because it felt like between the mention of bipolar, hallucinations, and narcotics use, adding the weed on top was just a few too many things to try to discredit any potential intel Trin might have had and to distance the school more from his disappearance). 

Josh is the only person we have seen with weed (so far).  

Trin was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and did not like the medication he was on. He wanted to feel “normal” and to get off his medication, which we are told through a flashback conversation between Trin and Master Joe in the theater. We also learn that Trin is going somewhere, he wants to give Master Joe a pen of his to hold on to while he is away and tells Joe, “when I come back and I’m rid of this disease, I will give you your answer” [side note: Joe does not take Trin’s pen, yet he has it in his desk in 1999, so he had to get it back from Trin somehow]

In short, Trin wants to be cured of his bipolar disorder and this Banchan guy that Josh mentioned is a witch doctor that can treat mental illness. 

The Theory 

So with these things in mind, that Josh was in a lot of the flashback scenes with Trin, that Trin had smoked weed at some point before his disappearance, wanted to be rid of his mental illness, had an injured arm, and was running through the woods when we first are introduced to him, I came up with a theory. 

Josh played an active role in Trin’s disappearance. 

gif from @pharawee

With the crumbs they have presented to us so far, my theory is that at the beginning of Episode 1 we are seeing Trin escaping the witch doctor that Josh has convinced Trin to go see. Trin had an injured arm at the beginning of Episode 1, and Brother Anurak mentions an arm injury, so I’d have to imagine they are the same injury. Which means that Trin had probably smoked weed with Josh like Dan had smoked weed with Josh. I can imagine that Trin asked the same question about where Josh got his drugs from, and that Josh gave the same answer. I can imagine Josh potentially knowing about Trin’s medical diagnoses, or at least observing in part Trin’s own experience with hallucinations and relying on that to help convince Trin to go see the witch doctor. 

I can see Josh getting closer to Trin, close enough to get Trin comfortable with him, close enough to get Trin to trust him. I can see Josh and Trin sneaking out to the edge of the woods to smoke, and how that might make it easier to get Trin alone, away from prying eyes, and more comfortable with being in the forest at night. I can see Josh either walking Trin straight to the witch doctor’s door, or telling Trin how to get there. I can imagine the witch doctor trying to do something to “cure” Trin, whether that be an exorcism, a poisoning, an attempted murder, or something else entirely, and Trin managing to escape. Which would explain why we see him running through the woods, because as Josh said, Bancha lives right near the woods. 

I see some things repeating themselves in the promo for the second half of the season, namely Dan having his left arm bandaged the same way that Trin’s was at the beginning of the show and running through the woods looking behind him scared the same was Trin was at the beginning of the show.

Do I think Josh is alone in all of this? No. If he is involved in this at all, I literally have no gauge or understanding of how complicit and aware of what he is doing Josh is. If Josh did play a role in Trin’s disappearance, is he sticking so close to Nai because he feels guilty? Or if my theory does hold true and Josh is pulling Dan aside for conversations and smoke sessions, is he intentionally setting something up?

Josh seems really comfortable and at ease with being physically affectionate and flirty with Nai, despite the potential to be subjected to homophobia, yet he also thinks theater is gay and tells Dan not to join because people will think he is a fag (which, I believe is the closest translation of “toot” to English, fruitcake is certainly not it). 

When Trin was getting beaten up by Anan, Josh just puts his Walkman radio on and ignores the entire fight. Anan and Josh both say Trin is dead (and to be fair, if it were me and a student at my high school went missing a full year before, I would probably also assume they had died). 

Oh! And another thing, one of the drawings in Dan's vision of the One Armed Man was a camera, you know who is associated with cameras?

Josh, our resident Photographer and General Assistant

I think @brazilian-whalien52 made a great point in the conversation I had with her: “Shadow seems like the type of drama everybody had a little hand in. Not an individual blame, but a look through society and the roles we play that affect others,” 

All of which is to say, I unfortunately, will be withholding granting Josh “favorite straight boy” status in Shadow until the narrative proves my theory wrong.

[arabellasleopardcoat]

My thoughts after tonight's episode. SPOILERS AHEAD.

I intend to take notes through each episode to save me the pain of looking up the scripts or rewatching while I write. Also good to make sure the characters are charactering. Here goes the first episode (16/06!! Belated bday gift)

No comment on Cregan Stark. Very honorable, original Starks but amped up by ten. Awful wig.

Alicole!!! Oh god, oh god!! That man on his knees!! Implied to happen before. Nasty bussiness, but Criston's hair looks nice.

Rhaenyra's grief. Perfect. Emma D'Arcy deserves their Emmy for this episode alone

Parallels between Rhaenyra and Rhaenys. Nicely done. Grieve the same.

Corlys missing Luke :((( Also Alyn!!! Who seems to be older.

Aegon trying and failing to rule is pretty endearing. His smugness is funny, too. Tom Glynn Carrey knows his thing. I saw him in Dunkerke before and I wouldnz't think it is the same actor at all. He and Aemond compliment each other a lot, both move in very distinctive ways.

"He only wishes to please" Damn right Otto

Daemon and rage. My favorite combo. The scene with Mysaria? The hesitation? Then wanting to send her to the cells? Ser Erryk calling him out on his bias? Excellent. Same for Rhaenys. Overall, Daemon seems unable to see or understand anyone that doesn't react as he does. Everyone must grieve as he. Lovely insight. Also him ready to follow his Queen's orders for revenge? Delicious.

Jace with Rhaenyra!!! Luke's funeral, Baela and Rhaena stealing the show with just a second of screentime. My crush on Harry Collet got worse after seeing him with Joffrey.

Alicent lighting candles. Meh. The episode makes it harder to empathize with the Greens which is either bad writing or the writers have an agenda. She got on my nerves in this episode a bit, which us strange because I loved her last season.

Mysaria being dignified even in rags, very regal and I love that she is set on being her own woman. Good for her.

Daemon in the city bribing Goldcloaks, which were always his, in his little murder cape. Ugh. Blood and Cheese but he orders them to find Aemond and off screen kill the kids?? Yup, writers love him. Confirmed, they have an agenda.

Aemond plotting with Cole, both absolutely bloodthirsty. Both very dumb here, I think. Funny that Aemond and Alicent assess each other in the same way, both are "Angry" The cadence which they deliver the lines is even similar. His mother's son. Even in their choice of company. Cole.

Otto versus Aemond, interesting. I like the tone of voice of Otto's actor (Rhys, I think?) Very well spoken, and calm. I feared he was going to turn into a Tywin and I am glad he hasn't. I found Tywin terrifying. Otto may be, but he is less rude about it.

Aegon getting shitfaced on the Iron Throne, in a not so ergonomic position, yet without being cut.

Blood and Cheese. Fun. They are trying to murder each other, poor dog!!! I underestimated them, they are terrifying. Poor Helaena, always drawing the short stick. She told Aegon and he saw them pass, while getting drunk. At least they didn't taunt her so much. The sounds were sickening on their own, thank god it was off screen. Cole in the bed with Alicent!!!! When poor Helaena comes for help!!! ENOUGH. ENOUGH. THIS IS MURDER. It can't end there.

Final line: I came prepared for GOT'S levels of violence, I am glad it wasn't like that. I was ready to skip those, but it was nice that it wasn't necessary. Most of the things that made me uncomfortable in GOT (And why I never finished it) were the sexual violence scenes. Poor Dany.

Final final line: I leave with a new crush on Harry Collet, Matt Smith and Fabien Castel.

[fanfoolishness]

Random spoilery thoughts for The Apostate based on my deliriously watching it way after my bedtime last night, but before rewatching it tonight with the husband:

Was very excited to see Bo-Katan’s helmet in the credits. She’s really going places this season, huh?

Loved seeing glimpses of the helmet ritual. I was worried that the kid was going to be baby Din, even though he looked absolutely nothing like him; I was relieved to see it was present day, but I still would’ve liked another flashback to kid!Din. Also, does Din just not have flashbacks anymore? I kind of miss them.

A little salty we didn’t see any Mando’a in this whole ritual. But, I loved seeing the Armorer more. She’s always an intense, mesmerizing presence and even though I now distrust her (is she Force-sensitive? the way she somehow realized that croc-monster was coming… not to mention some of her other appearances where she seems to know more than people are telling her) I always love seeing her do her thing.

I want to try and write something about Din wishing he was welcome for Grogu’s sake (so he can be around other Mandalorians besides Din and discover the community for himself) but can’t seem to figure it out.

Wish we saw some more non-human Mandalorians though :(

SPACE WHALES! Purrgil, yes? Man I still need to watch Rebels. But I obstinately want to watch all of Clone Wars first (we made it to season 5! We’re so close!)

I love that Grogu was both entranced by them but also a little scared because they were just so vast. Hence the need for a cuddle, which Din did not object to.

HIGH MAGISTRATE GREEF KARGA, please, if we have to spin off more characters from The Mandalorian to get to their own TV shows, we need to see Greef just Carl Weathersing around. Everything with him is just delightful! Let his cloak get longer every episode, please please please.

Not sure at all about this harebrained IG-11 idea, Din, but I loved that we could hear some of the music that used to play for Kuiil in the theme there, and that Din straight-up called IG his friend.

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN WHAT WAS THAT I did not expect DROID HORROR here!!!

Love to see Nevarro all grown up! Greef may still be a little shady and obviously self-serving but I love that he wants to bring other people along with him too. The more wealth around in general the more for him too, right? So of course Nevarro needs to get respectable and dank farrik, he’s just the man to do it.

I’m glad Cara Dune didn’t die on the way back to her home planet. I’ll miss her presence as a friend and comrade to Din but I won’t miss Gina Carano’s bullshittery. Maybe we can meet a buff female Mando this season to add to the roster if we have to be adding new characters.

Big man in tiny room 😍

GROGU NO omg I love that he is just as awful as real toddlers sometimes 😂

…and yet Din thinks it’s time for him to learn about hyperspace navigation what even is this parenting technique

I still miss the Razor Crest, but I like that the Naboo thing (what is it called again?) makes Din even more menacing as a pilot

Dad Is My Seatbelt ❤️

I enjoy the mossy pirate. He is rather disgusting but I’ve never seen a design quite like that before.

Bo-Katan really has nothing better to do these days than lecture Din, does she? I love how disillusioned she’s become with the Darksaber. “Just wave that thing around and they’ll do whatever you say.” I also love that she calls out Din’s tribe for being superstitious and weird again. Like we all know Din is gonna ride a mythosaur by the end of this season or next and he’ll find the mines and they better be super cool, but I’m still feeling solidarity with Bo-Katan, resident skeptic

I just need Din to really sit down and think, “Do I regret taking my helmet off? It was always to help Grogu. To try and keep him alive, to try and find him, to say goodbye to him. Don’t I owe loyalty to him, too? Do I feel like an apostate?” Figure your shit out, sir!

But in the meantime, keep proudly telling everyone you meet your son’s horrible name. I made myself laugh for a minute straight when I realized Greef is over here thinking Din named Grogu that on purpose

Plotwise, definitely the most scattered premiere of the show, and because of it, not the most effective episode. I’d give it a B - perfectly enjoyable and some really fun, surprising moments, but it’s not asking the big questions that it keeps hinting at just yet. I hope they get there.

[the-words-we-sung]

First impressions after watching season 3

So after being super patient all day yesterday, I finally managed to get back home and binge watch season 3 last night \o/ I'm just gonna put a few of my first thoughts here for now, I'm gonna need to rewatch everything to have more detailed and coherent thoughts 😁 But first of all, I wanna thanks Amber 💜 (@amailboxlemur) for being the best spectator and companion to my live reactions 😂 It was super duper nice to be able to share these with you while I was watching and going through all the emotions 😱 So I liked the season!! It was a lot a lot but I really enjoyed it!! It made me cry, it made me laugh, it made me blush... All the rainbow emotions 💜

Here is my reaction at the end of episode 5, and I think it sums up pretty well my feeling at that moment :p

So a few randoms comments (I will write more about each episode after rewatching them, which I intend to start doing tonight because I neeeeeed to watch it all again):

[It's not spoiler-free so don't read if you haven't watched the season yet!!]

⁂ Simon was incredibly sad this season and it broke my heart. Seeing him cry just made me cry. He was so lost and broken, I really can't wait for the last episode to see him get better (yes I'm an eternally optimist person so I believe he will be happier!!)

⁂ I wasn't expecting the Micke/Sara storyline but I think I liked it! It gave us a new perspective into the Eriksson family dynamic and I felt so so bad for Sara at the end

⁂ I loved to see Simon being truly angry at his sister!! Baby boy is so used to being nice and forgiving, so it was really refreshing to see him actually be mad and stand his ground about it!!

⁂ Wilhelm Wilhelm Wilhelm. My poor boy is a mess! He was so hopeful at the beginning, thinking he could finally have it all, but yeah it was obviously not gonna be smooth sailing. He's such a messy, broken, angry teenager this season and my heart cries for him. He ends up hurting Simon quite a lot but I cannot be truly mad at him. He's a broken boy trying his best :(

⁂ Which leads me to his family: arghhhhhh. So I was hoping that we would get some more info to understand Kristina at least a little bit, but she's just truly awful this season. And the Duke is not better. I hate them for how they behave with Wilhelm. And on a more personal note: I always saw my own mother in Kristina, but this season it's even more flagrant, and gosh does it make me mad for Wilhelm. His lashing out at them at the end of episode 5 was as painful as it was good to see. I've been in his situation. I've yelled like him too many times to count. So I hurt for him. He deserves so much better. Nobody should have these kind of people as parents :(

⁂ The Erik stuff made me so sad!!

⁂ The whole school situation was a bit frustrating at time but it was interesting to see the characters reacting to it all. Felice is a queen and deserves so much better than her "friends". And Vincent can rot in hell 😠

⁂ They're all incredible actors!! And the show is beautiful as usual. I am slightly disappointed with the music (no song captured me as well as the ones in season 1 and 2, but maybe I just need to watch the episodes a few times for that to happen ^^)

⁂ All the cute scenes between Wilhelm and Simon were just the best. Seeing them be silly boyfriends was the best. And yeah, the chemistry is still chemistrying hard between Edvin and Omar :p

I'm gonna stop my list of first reactions there, but I'll continue in more details episode by episode! Overall I think I like this season, though the ending killed me and the week to come is gonna be the longest week ever ^^' I am not really worried about the last episode. I trust the show. I do believe Wilmon will be endgame. And I think not everything will be wrapped up neatly but I do think the ending will be satisfying. So can't wait \o/

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

Aye I actually got to watch the episode tonight

Random 16x07 Notes I took while watching before scrolling my dash:

-Mac playing pool just like he plays hockey and bowls I see <3 something something putting too much power/pressure on things/being too forceful when you gotta guide the hockey puck like a little bowl of cream, or throw the bowling ball with gentle precision and finesse... something something previous years him putting too much pressure/force on Dennis but now...

-On a less conspiracy take note, I rewatched Mac’s Big Break recently and I find it fun how Charlie is just like better and knows more about sports and stuff like that and tells Mac what he has to do to play better. Also plays into this season’s theme of Charlie recurringly being the straight man, able to point out and notice things others don’t, but still being a bit of a helpless observer for the most part.

-Great Sharp title cut today, I should make a list of all the best ones/ones with best timing, I know one of the most iconic will always be Frank Sets Sweet Dee on Fire.

-The cackles and Charlie trying to mirror them <3 love that

-The horror sound effects when the McPoyles turn around and in the next few scenes are on point.

-Following that “Too many ideas, just stick with one” theme again just like in Celebrity Booze... interesting, very interesting. And what’s the main uniting idea that they want to stick it out with huh 👀 (or is it about the blend of ideas, the chili the cheese the fries.)

-Mac touches Den’s arm so much in this ep, they’re both very touchy, it’s nice to see them comfortable with that again.

-First time I’ve been able to watch the rip with commercials, Danny Devito Jersey Mike’s jump scare, how can I connect this to sunny he’s hiding behind the painting with the eyes cut out just like Dennis was in s15 and—*Jersey Mike himself drags me away*

-Dennis saying “it’s too sexually charged” while side eyeing Mac right next to him in frame like that, I don’t even need to comment

-Let’s go, Frank, slow and steady wins the race... slow like the structure, like 16 years wait.

-Artemis saying “hoor” like Frank does, okay, work it.

-Really interesting to me Charlie gets a strike without even needing to focus, something I wanted to say there but I don’t remember. We saw everyone else with their initial strategy and then psychologically affected to fail though and I wish we got to see Dennis in that context as well?

-Mac’s finesse ramble 🤝 Anya in Buffy “I have finesse coming out of my bottom!”

-“Just play the game and we’re gonna win, don’t spin, don’t do it.” This line I like because it feels very much in line with I’ve always been Dennis and you’re you you’ve always been you, and big mo again and just play the game and we’re gonna win, don’t spin, don’t do it, just be yourself, just be, just play.

-I can’t believe they cut off my man on his scream, the injustice! Anyway, gonna need more angst and pain from him, stat.

-Lick

-omg the McPoyle bowling scene was so much better than I expected, that was so funny. Also, Liam wants Dennis so bad.

-They should have trash twin telepathy stuff in this show more, let’s goo, they’re in each other’s heads, they’ve never been apart almost their whole life, we need Dee to figure out how to mess with Dennis’ head next.

-The cgi pin faces will haunt me, they also crashed my computer multiple times like the ep simply would not play beyond that scene.

———

Bonus: DTAMHD trailer thoughts

-Dennis having a new car when the old one is so inherently tied to his identity/the past, iCarly interesting.jpeg, trying to reconcile the new with the old and him not having control of it, a theme of control this season, who is in control? Charlie or Frank in the world of business? Dennis as Johnny? Aaron or Bryan... is it all an act? Is Mac...?

-Putting things under pressure so they become diamonds subplot to putting Dennis under pressure, I see you, I see you.

[sealbirdy]

A long Gravity Falls feelings rant because I am full of emotions rn.

This rant is mostly about my experience with the show and what it meant/means to me as someone who's watched it since pretty much the beginning, not really the show itself. I Also won't go into any plot details of the show or the book.

I just finished reading book of bill, and also with everything happening tonight I'm just so full of emotions, I just need to get it out somewhere.

First of all, the moment I found out about the whole website thing that's happening, I was already super hyped. I felt like I was back in my teenage years eagerly waiting what's happening next and theorizing with other people about what's goin on. Even my boyfriend commented that it was nice to see me so excited about something (I've been having kinda a hard time lately so this was a nice surprise for tonight). Then someone gave me a link to a pdf file that had the whole book of bill and my night just got better. I do want to get the actual book at some point too, but I don't really have the money rn.

At first I was just kinda reading the book quietly to myself, but then there was something that made me laugh so much I wanstd to readi it for my boyfriend too, and ended up reading almost the whole book to him out loud. I skipped a few parts (my eyes couldn't focus and some of the pages in the pdf file were kinda blurry) But I'm going to read the whole thing once I get my hands on the actual book). My boyfriend was aware of gravity falls existence before and had seen a few episodes, but wasn't really in the fandom like I was growing up. (I made him watch it with me after we started dating though and he liked it).

I had so much fun and got really into character while reading out loud. I even noticed a couple things that seemed like they could be references to some things that happened in the fandom back in the day, and had to stop reading just to explain them to him lol (I'm so happy to have found someone who would just sit there while I read almost the whole book to him lol and actually seems interested when I explain stuff to him). It was the most fun I'd had in a long time. And then a bit after I had finished the book, I got super emotional over it (I'll explain why at the end of the rant)

I've watched gravity falls since pretty much the beginning. My mother got us disney channel in 2012 and I still remember seeing the first trailers for gravity falls and being intrigued by it immediately. I also remember being super annoyed by episode two because sometimes if felt like it was the only episode they aired lol. Even now when rewatching the series, I still skip it because I got so bord of it as a kid lol. My boyfriend and I share this sentiment and also skipped the episode when we watched gravity falls together. He didn't really watch the show as much in the long run, but even he remembers that episode being shown over an over again and it getting really boring lol.

At one point I started watching the series from online, because it felt like the fastest way to see new episodes (every time I watched disney channel it always seemed to be the same episodes over an over again). I mostly watched them from youtube with bad quality, but I wasn't really aware of other sites to watch it from. I still remember the moment I saw dreamscapers for the first time, because I almost screamed when bill was finally revealed, after wondering about the zodiac wheel image for too long. the quality was horrible, because I was watching it in the middle of the night from my tiny phonescreen, but that moment has stayed in my memory clearly through all these years. Eventually my mom got rid of disney channel (sometime after season 1 ended), which meant I had no choise but to pirate it. It's actually a huge reason why I finally learned english, since obviously the pirate sites and youtube uploads obviously didn't have subtitles in my language. I stayed up so many nights just watching the episodes and at one point always had Sock Opera playing in the background when i finally went to sleep. some of my favorite Christmas presents to this day were a gravity falls necklace and a pillowcase (both had the bill cipher zodiac wheel image on them). I wore that necklace every day and even when i slept for so long, until it broke. the pendant itself fell somewhere and I never found it again. I still have the pillowcase though, and I actually have it on my pillow rn lol. I even felted a bill cipher out of wool at some point (pretty sure I still have that somewhere too).

At that point some of my classmates had started bullying me for liking the show. Well looking back on it I'm pretty sure they had tried bullying me before too, but I never really realized it so it didn't affect me. But since gravity falls was suddenly really important to me, now they could use it against me. It was mostly just them insulting the show and characters in different ways to my face, which as an adult doesn't sound as bad, but to me the show meant everything and they were clearly saying those things to me, because they knew it affected me. But if there's something I'm proud of my younger self for, it's that I never let it affect my love for the show itself, and I never started hiding how much the show meant to me.

I ordered myself journal 3 after I had already moved out. I hadn't really engaged with the series or the fandom in a long time, but the moment I finally held that book in my hands, I felt so much joy. I wanted that book so bad when it first came out, and that moment made my inner child cry of happiness.

And that's kind of what I felt after I finished reading the book of bill today. I really feel like it healed some part of my inner child/teenager. Especially when my boyfriend let me read it to him out loud and I could just get into character while reading. Even though I to get bullied a lot for something that meant the world to me, I can now still enjoy that thing, and even share it with someone who will just sit and listen for like two hours while I read the book to him, and also listen to my side tangents if I something reminds me of some random thing that happened in the fandom (that he wasn't even a part of) back in the day.

There's been multiple shows and franchises I've been obsessed with during my life, but only two have stuck with me in this way through the years. One being Gravity Falls (and the other one fruits basket).

I just feel so grateful rn. Grateful for Alex Hirsch for creating the show in the first place. Grateful for my younger self for continuing to the series even if I got bullied for it. Grateful for my boyfriend for being such an amazing partner. If you read this far, thank you for reading my sleep deprived ramblings lol (it's like 5am so sorry if I repeat some stuff multiple times).

[i-dont-know-how-this-site-works]

1/?

Well, I decided to torture myself tonight and decided at 11 pm to do an almost full rewatch of season 2 on a whim, so it's currently 4 am and my disney app kept crashing after like, episode 11, so there is that.

However.

My rewatch had a purpose. Sort of.

I specifically went back to catch all those small (and big) character interactions with Tech and the rest of the batch (I will leave secondary characters for a later date).

It made me notice some new things I haven't noticed before and some actually made the finale even worse, if that was possible.

I will go in the order of least to most interactions.

CROSSHAIR:

So, obviously, not a whole lot of Tech&Crosshair, but I still found it quite meaningful.

Despite his outward appearance of not caring (obvs. not true, he cares so much, he just can't voice it), it's telling that during his waterfall conversation with Omega, he referenced Crosshair. You get the feeling that his choice is still hurting Tech, but like he said, he won't take away the free will and agency of his brother. (How much Cross's decision was done with free will, I don't know. I certainly won't get into it in that post).

In the second pic we get it laid out even clearer- just look at his expression. He is horrified at the thought that Crosshair is in Hemlock's custody after reading up on the man. He won't let one of his own get hurt- he displayed this in season 1 with his hesitation to leave dazed Hunter on Daro and obviously, we saw it in s2 finale in the worst way possible.

Pic 3, I think after his conversation with Omega he is slowly coming into actually calling them a family unit. Of course, clones use the word "brother" to any clone, but I feel that it is more in a sense of "brother-in-arms". Here, he is clearly calling Crosshair a brother in a sense that we usually think of- someone you grew up with and have a special bond with.

[strawberry-selfships]

really long ramble inbound about my current state of mind

tl;dr the blorbo of the night is somehow the seventh doctr. idk man.

u kno whats so . crazy . i watched the first doctr's last serial tonite . and also rewatched the first two eps with fifteen. and and so i go to my brain tonight like . "ok , who r we fixating on tonight ? im going to eep soon so i need to pick one" (becasue if im not fixating on a blorbo by the time im putting myself into bed it gives me mental troubles its a whole thing)

and . and my brain looks me in the eyes and goes .

"Seven."

AND IM LIKE ??!???@?$@? SEVEN???@!??!?!?!???!?!???

LIKE . I NEED YALL TO KNOW THAT IVE NEVER SEEN A SINGLE FULL EPISODE WITH SEVEN. MOST OF WHAT IVE SEEN IS BEHIND THE SCENES PICTURES, AND GIFS. AND LIKE..... MAYBE ONE CLIP. AND FROM THAT I SOMEHOW MIRACULOUSLY REMEMBER WHAT HIS VOICE SOUNDS LIKE.

but i think its because i use one seven gif in particular as a reaction gif so often and i used it so many times today . and it just... it put him in my brain.

WHICH I THINK IS SOOOOOOO FUNNY BECAUSE ITS THE EXACT INVERSE OF HOW I WAS WITH THE FIRST DOCTR. WHEN I SAW ONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, IT WAS NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT . I DO NOT REMEMBER WHAT MY INITIAL REACTION TO ONE WAS BUT IT DEFINITELY WASNT "IM IN LOVE WITH HIM."

WITH SEVEN HOWEVER, THE LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IS SO FUCKING TERMINAL THAT IT ACTUALLY HAS ME LIKE... CLAMBERING OVER HIM. SO BAD. LIKE.. IM SO HYPER RIGHT NOW . LIKE I FREAKING NEED HIM . IM TYING MYSELF TO A TREE HOLDING MYSELF BACK FROM WATCHING A SERIAL WITH HIM BECAUSE ITS LATE AT NIGHT RN AND I CANT DO A WHOLE DOCTOR WHO SERIAL RN. ESP WITH A NEW DOCTOR. AND ESP BECAUSE I DONT REALLY SKIP AROUND LIKE THAT. i i ok one of these days i might , for seven . but . but not now . not tonight . but oh man . he . ... . he is the blorbo of the night . gah.

[dreaming-for-an-escape]

How were you able to already watch the new episode of iwtv?

I have AMC+ and last night past midnight I went to rewatch season 1 when I saw that 2x01 was already released. So I'm assuming anyone with a AMC+ account can watch the episodes earlier? I'm still going to watch it at 9PM tonight.

[bibliophileiz]

Ranking Keira Knightley movies I've seen

Found this ranking I made of Keira Knightley movies in one of my old notebooks and had to share with the world this new year's eve (worth noting that some of them like Imitation Game and Anna Karenina weren't originally on the list, so I added them tonight)

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - Keira Knightley is not in it enough. when she is, she's indistinguishable from Natalie Portman. 1/10

Princess of Thieves - baby Keira Knightley chops off all her hair and makes me bisexual. is a cutie with a reasonable amount of chemistry with the charming love interest. wins over grouchy dad by saving england and being good at archery. 8/10

King Arthur - Keira's acting is great but i don't think the writers knew what to do with her. i do love her costumes though. 5/10

Never Let Me Go - i barely remember anything about this movie. book was probably better. -1/10

Atonement - OMG!!! the PASSION. the YEARNING. this is the first tragic WWII romance i ever experienced and it DELIVERS. mostly though it's the green dress. the one she's wearing when she has sex with the faun from the narnia movies. that green dress belongs in Titanic or something illustrious. i don't think this movie's appreciated enough. i think it's time for a rewatch. 12/10

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms - little known (no one but my mom and i ever saw it) but holy SHIT is the world missing out. Keira puts on this high-pitched voice as the EVIL SUGAR PLUM FAIRY in a giant tuto. she is by far the best thing about the movie which unfortunately is lackluster in every way. 6/10 and all 6 are for her

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - this movie should not be allowed to be so darn cute when it's about the literal apocalypse but it is and Keira is cute in it. she gets to go on a roadtrip with Steve Carrell in hopes of seeing her parents again before a giant meteor hits the earth and kills everyone. has a surprisingly touching ending. 8/10

Begin Again - i like anything where Keira sings. she's also a good role model for mark ruffalo's daughter in this. not my favorite John Carnye movie (that would be Sing Street which came out three years later) but definitely watchable. 7/10

Love Actually - why didn't they let Keira do anything in this movie? -2/10

Imitation Game - more tragic WWII stuff, though not as gutting as Atonement. Keira gets a turn playing the normal (albeit v. smart) person playing opposite Benedict Cumberbatch being weird. she does just as good a job as Martin Freeman while being way hotter. (also helps that the movie is better written than Sherlock.) her story isn't the tragic part and i'm not going to make jokes about Alan Turing who deserved much better than he got. 7/10

Anna Karenina - despite plalying the character whose name is the title, Keira was not in this enough. costumes were good but movie was approximately 1000 years long. still haven't forgiven my college boyfriend for making me watch it. -5/10

Pride & Prejudice - not my favorite Austen adaptation but you can't say Keira's not having the time of her life. she's a little giggly -- Elizabeth is more dry -- but she's definitely pretty and does a good job with the material given. Rosamund Pike may be the only person as good as her. 6/10

Bend It Like Beckham - the movie that launched a thousand lesbians. Keira gets put on the map as a tiny cute blond tomboyish lesbian soccer (ahem, *football*) player. she's a treat. 10/10

Pirates of the Caribbean - THE Keira Knightley movies. the dresses? check. the sword fighting? check. Pirate King with men falling at her feet? check, check, and check. best thing about the triology. got to kiss three dudes (sao feng doesn't count), gives a rousing third act speech, and gets to be the character who got the "keeps removing weapons from more and more illogical places on her person" trope. plus she sings! (a little.) disney did not deserve her and neither did any man in those movies. (orlando came closest though) 10 million/10

[johnandrasjaqobis]

bearing in mind I am just barely reaching the end of season 1 of this rewatch (and it's been a hot second since I watched this show before now)

I think there's something interesting in the way the different characters involved with it view the RAC itself.

Khlyen is of course a special case in that he was so directly involved, high enough to wave aside infractions and all that, but that's just it -- he sees it as a means of control, a way to watch things and manipulate events and people, one more tool in his very vast toolbox

Dutch (before episode 9) saw it as an escape. Something she could be good at that didn't weigh on her soul every single time, something uniquely hers, a job that, for the most part, does people some good, and something to keep her going warrant after warrant

D'avin, I think just...saw it as a new command. He was a soldier without orders and the RAC provides a very clear cut objective while also allowing just enough slack and creativity to feel more like freedom than his service ever did. But it's a job, it's a goal, it's something to push after and get better at and master. The RAC points him at a target, but instead of marching orders it just says "see you when you get there"

John. tbh I think John would be happy anywhere Dutch was. He likes the RAC, of course, it gives him puzzles and problems and things to fix, lets him play with new toys, it's fun. But he's also ready to pack up and move on at any point, so long as Dutch is there.

and then. Turin. who is the one who gave me these thoughts in the first place. The RAC is Turin's life. It's not just a job or a means to some end or a distraction, it's everything he's about. and like. Turin is an asshole. He's not a pleasant person. But he's loyal and the RAC is his family, his people, and the idea of it being compromised shakes everything he knows. He cares about his people and he's willing to hit and shout and swear his way through anything that threatens them, because the RAC is who he is. And boy the absolute crisis it brings when that starts crumbling around him. He's sworn off all other loyalties. He takes no sides. The warrant truly is all to Turin, the RAC is everything, and finding out that so much of it has been corrupt for so long makes him question so much.

and i will watch the s1 finale shortly before i sleep tonight but. god the characters on this show.

[underthetree845]

hi hey!!! i am just dropping by to say that i am absolutely in love with your work!! i adore the way you write, everything is so structured, full of thoughtful details and the plots are always so amazing and gripping. i binged your armin stuff today and you’ve really helped me cope with the last aot episode. i just finished reading your multi-chapter fic (i read it on ao3 and left kudos there) and i love it so so much! i am patiently waiting for the next part (take your time obviously!). you’re a really talented writer and you genuinely seem like the sweetest human being! i am your number one supporter fr.

stay safe and take care of yourself <3

NO YOU'RE HELPING ME COPE because I saw this while sobbing after just having finished the last aot episode and it made me smile 😭😭💙

I'm going to rewatch the junior high series like five times, it's a good coping method.

But in all seriousness, you have no idea how much it's touched me to receive this. The fact that people enjoy my stories is already surreal to me, but to go out of your way and say all that? You're a very thoughtful person, thank you for reading my content. <3

The detail part means a lot to me, I try really hard to keep themes ongoing throughout my fics, even if it's just a line a character says at the beginning and end. I always liked it when I would find stuff like that in the things I read, so I'm happy to be able to do that too!

I just watched the new episode today. I already knew what would happen because of the manga, but it all feels so real now, it's an experience I almost can't describe. With a limited amount of spoilers, how would you describe the experience for yourself?

And the fact that you binged my series oh my gosh 😭 As much as I would like to provide one, I don't post on a schedule and my writing time fluctuates greatly. I'm still a student so it really depends, I don't want to make promises I can't keep :< Your understanding is very reassuring, I do plan to continue to update my fic! I'm excited for where it's going :)

YOU STAY SAFE TOO <33 sleep well tonight