#then the house hunt stress
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Starting to feel like I have been beset by a white woman etsy curse based on how this year has been for me.
#charlies health stuff#then the kidney infection that sent me to the er#then snakes sudden uti/cystitis that i had to go to the emergency vet foe#then the house hunt stress#then the bad weather only on days i have plans....#other stuff....#and then the damn fly infestation in MY room because something must have died in the locked boiler room connected to mine that just#has giant holes cut out of the wall for the pipes to run through#and then all the pipe shit jfc our boiler went crazy it sounded like somebody was clanging on them for 2 nights#like bruh what is up with this why is my year being like this#better be fucking done these next two months better see a stark improvement#personal stuff#man we're only 3 months in
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bound my first journal today!!!! and boy is it fucked up!!!! can't wait to try my hand at a book next!! we're doing it lads we're fighting the depression with poking yourself 4738292 times with a needle
#its gonna be my Thoughts journal at work bc i write stories on my work laptop and the amount of times ive accidentally sent them out??#here's our recruiting update oh wait its two military men going at it instead#also the house hunting stuff is getting less stressful so.... that's also clearing the depression
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baby pictures
#toh hunter#toh fanart#the owl house#toh#these are like....the two pictures of hunter in existence before asias#besides like. the EC propaganda posters. or press photos. all with the mask on#the “badge number” comment in hunting palismen made me think that probably hunter did have some sort of id before inheriting the gg staff#no name of course. i doubt anyone knew hunter's name before luz#belos reserved badge numbers 0-100 for his grimwalkers. he was starting to sweat about it too like#hunter pops out of the ground a few years before the eclipse is supposed to happen and belos doesn't THINK he'll go through 16 more#but like. who knows how many child clones of your dead brother you'll need ya know? man's under a lot of stress
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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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So anxiety and writer's block has whooped my ass
Feel free to hit me with questions bout anything caus I really gotta distract myself
#Don't try writing while house hunting/stressing#your mental health will hate you#just dance#just dance 2023#just dance 2024
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So, uh...I'm officially a homeowner.
Moving over the weekend. It's a small house (less square footage than my old 1-bedroom apartment), but it's mine, and I get a yard and a garage out of the deal or something.
Also......
I'm so nervous about this hopefully helpful new step in life. 😅
#myri speaks#homeownership#seriously more nervous than excited right now#and also#people kept telling me house hunting would be an exciting experience#it was not#it was nerve-wracking and stressful#hopefully it's ultimately all worth it
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Writing is slowwwwly coming along, plot is good, themes are good - I figured out some thorny plot issues with late act 3 things, and husband/editor continues to go "ooh" and "oh that's fucked" with appropriate amounts of enthusiasm and shock, so feeling good about that - but I am just a bundle of anxiety otherwise. I feel like the evening in 2016 but all day long. This year has been so stressful my ability to deal with any extra anxiety is just fucked right now :///
Might shitpost a bunch tomorrow depending on how the evening goes, but it will be tagged appropriately so y'all can block tags if wanted. Fingers crossed I'm coherent by Wednesday and can get back to regular life 🫠
#I picked the best time to get back to job hunting can't you tell#and the house sale finally closed! It took that long!!! Which really says it all in terms of stress#did I mention I had a therapy appt and they canceled it 3 days beforehand bc I didn't have the consent forms done by friday 5pm?#that was communicated absolutely nowhere#so for mental health I am painting my nails the most lurid shade of toxic sparkly green#because I feel like a poisonous frog right now#and touching me will end poorly for everyone#delta.txt#wrong reasons fic#election 2024
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i am doing not great today lads
#the talkies#job hunt is looking extra miserable and hopeless#not having a good body image time#spent last night torturing myself w old photos of what i used to look like#breakouts are not fucking going away even with my increased med dose so it makes me sad every morning when i wake up and look at them#mom is extremely stressed at work so the air in the house is getting poisoned and she’s starting to take it out on me#+extra sad abt the passage of time and all the things i still havent managed to progress on in the last few years#just not having a great time overall#anyways my emo rant of the day#hope everyone has something happy to brighten their day today
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Realtors whispering in my ear like they are Wormtongue and I'm King Théoden of Rohan.
"This would be a great investment."
"You could live here for a few years and rent it later. Renters would jump on this even if you might think the location isn't ideal."
Stop, get out of my head!
#house hunting is stressful#im a renter and i dont like the idea of thinking of homes as vessels to make money off of other people#its already difficult out here why would i want to continue that cycle in contributing to houses being bought to rent out#rant
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Waiting for some good news regarding this manhunt for a mass shooter, and all we get is news of more places closing down to follow shelter in place orders for a couple of cities and neighboring towns.
Local grocery store has shut down all of their state locations, regardless of how close the shooter is suspected to be, until 10.
City thirty miles away from shooting location shut down their schools.
I swear the whole state is going to shut down, and then they'll like find the guy drowned in a river.
#If I weren't ready to sleep#I probably would feel more stressed#I was pretty concerned about my younger brother going to work before learning his shift was canceled#as it is#my grandparents live in one of the manhunt areas#They're fine as far as I know#and I feel like they'll continue to be fine as long as they stay home#because a guy who's being hunted by several police departments and the FBI probably wouldn't take his chances with going after people#by going house to house#I think what bothers me most is that gun control agenda has immediately jumped on this to push banning guns#ignoring the fact that there are many families here that feel safer despite the shooter being on the loose BECAUSE they're armed#and also ignoring the fact that it was reported this guy had severe mental issues#but please#let this be your agenda for gun control in a state that was consider one of the safest in the union for a long time despite not having#such strict gun control#let this be your agenda to change this state while ignoring the most dangerous cities have extremely strict gun policies#your agenda makes me feel so much safer#on the other hand#despite the guy's mental issues#there is an element of this that looks premeditated#since two places were hit and there's talk of a second person#a seventeen year old was arrested earlier yesterday for several things including illegal possession of a gun#in the city where the shooting later took place no less#something fishy is going on
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Hunt in Crescent City vs Bryce in Prythian
#on a more serious note bryce will probably be scared and stressed about hunt#bryce quinlan#hunt alathar#cc hofas#hofas#house of flame and shadow#crescent city house of flame and shadow#crescent city 3#crescent city#sjm multiverse#sjm crossover#acotar#a court of thorns and roses#acosf#a court of silver flames
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the struggles of hunting down a recording of a radio show that aired in another continent when you were only 10 years old
#why is this so challenging#why are there like no recordings anywhere#i know it's real; enough scholarly articles have cited it#i even found the production house website!#but not the bloody audio#i will even PAY FOR IT#bbc i even found the bloody radio times listings from when it aired on radio 4 i know it exists#i know this is such a silly thing to get stressed about but like- on the flip side it's kind of annoying#people are saving films and books and songs out the wazoo but i want to save radio dramas too#and this one is (surprisingly) seemingly nowhere to be found#the pickwick papers#bbc radio#classic serial: the pickwick papers#bbc radio 4#2004#I'm a fully grown adult spending a restless night trying to hunt down something that may no longer exist
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had a dream that i opened my emails and the letting agent was like. you can have the house you want but it's 250pcm more than you were expecting to pay. you have ten minutes to say yes or no
needless to say this was a stressful dream
#i can't really afford 1200 but i can't completely not afford it so it wouldn't be an instant no#it would be a no I'd have to think about and would feel sad about!#very stressful!#anyway i hate house hunting
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...
#woof. if all goes to plan Tomorrow is the last day i have to take measurements forever. if all goes to plan. if all goes to plan. but im#not holding my breath bc thats asking for chaos. i think this week ive done a good job of not pushing it#in terms of not torturing myself and making myself insane. which is good bc its exhausting taking measurements with the ambient stress of#apartment hunting from across the country. ive toured 2 places from afar and applied to them. and im meeting with someone to talk abt#potentially being roommates tomorrow. which is terrifying bc i really just wanna beg them like pls pls like me so i can stop looking pls#like i have to rely on my charisma i guess when im a bit asocial and odd. not unlikable but idk maybe they want someone more normie idk#its exhausting. ive sent so many emails and so many places r like no u gotta physically visit. ugh#and i have to clean my whole apartment by Tuesday for my landlord to inspect bc i had to give them a 30 day notice or else they wouldn't#release my info for like referal on background checks. there should b flexibility in when i can leave tho. its just stressful#at least im doing this when im pretty stable and i stop taking measurements tomorrow but i haven't taken a break since last Saturday#and haven't really had time to properly draw which annoys me and apparently i wont get a break this weekend with all the cleaning i gotta do#but oh well. at least im better off than the other person i kno who is moving Tuesday across the country and currently doesnt have a place#to stay. so i guess theyre gonna b living out of their car for a while. im stressed enough a month out from leaving#sigh. im just v tired and my heart is beating too fast and i wanna start cleaning now but im sleepy#whenever we go sampling we joke that we have to make sacrifices to the weather gods for good conditions. i guess i gotta make sacrifices#to the housing gods 🙏 ugh. pls. i dont wanna still b doing this for another week when i wont have time bc ill actually have to focus on#things. ugh. cant wait to b in the future where i dont have to deal with this#unrelated
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i have always been and will always be utterly fucking insane. help
#she bork#tbd#i am so so so so anxious and idk why!!!!! we found a house just need to get two of our roommates subleased from their apartments so it's not#the house hunt and i've stopped worrying about grad school as well since there's no use worrying about all the ifs and pros and cons when#idek if i'll get accepted in the first place so i don't think it's that either. idk i'm just like off the chain like i was putting up ad at#work literally thee MOST low-pressure activity imaginable and i was like about to have a panic attack like why!!!!!! i've had like three#cups of green tea which is caffeinated but not heavily so like probably the equivalent of two cups of coffee so it shouldn't be affecting me#like this. work is also stressful rn bc we keep rolling freight due to call ins so maybe that? i have no idea i just know i want to throw up#lmfao. idk maybe i'm not getting enough vitamin d bc i'm already deficient and daylight savings time has reeeeaaally cut down on my sun#exposure not to mention the weather has been super cloudy so maybe it's that. or maybe the idea of so much change at once is scaring me even#though it seems like it's all gonna work out and ik that it will bc it always does but change is just scary. so maybe that. regardless i#wish i would just fucking calm down i'm miserable
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