#then shes going to tell my aunt 'she said she didnt want to do it' or something ridiculous

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Being reminded by my mom on her phone to her friend about the time we fell out with my moms side of the family really has me questioning why the fuck young me took me my best friend at the time with me to that family event because why the fuck-

[autumnoakes]

the urge to explain to everyone that i'm autistic so i do things they may find weird vs. the urge to never tell anyone ever because they're going to accuse me of lying 🫠

[not-the-grave]

the depth of abandonment trauma i'm discovering i have is kind of insane

[thursdayg1rl]

so there is no suitcase and my sister has just told me to start packing (presumably on behalf of my aunt)

[thedepressedjuggalette]

You never looked at the evidence if you really believe all they have is cropped screenshots. Your rhetoric about unrelated events in the past has nothing to do with your disgusting attitude towards people genuinely hurt and abused by that monster. It's clear all you've done is do exactly what Lily says to do and refuse to look at what her victims post. They are her VICTIMS. THE SAME VICTIMS YOU CALLED PREDATORS BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO CLICK A FEW LINKS AND READ THROUGH POSTS THAT SPOONFEED YOU EVERYTHING SHE DOES.

Really love how you ignored the fact that I said and I quote "I've watched plenty of videos going into the abuse allegations" and I've even name dropped Ethel (aka Essence of Thought) as an example.

I really loved that. It's adorable. Learn to fucking read.

Also I am a victim of Pedophilia and fyi my abuser actually is a free man because the courts said there was a "lack of evidence". Thanks for reminding of that, asshole.

But let me give you a simple thought experiment that I KNOW you're not going to answer or are going to find a way to weasel your way out of answering:

Lily Orchard stated that her parents were extremely abusive, her sister even stated this in her own blogs and in her interview with Essence of Thought. Her sister's Tumblr Bio even has her bragging about how she was their parent's favorite -- not Lily.

So let me ask you, if Lily's sister was the golden child and Lily was the scapegoat... WHY DIDNT HER SISTER OPEN HER FUCKING MOUTH?

Lily even stated that IF she was such an abusive disgusting asshole her parents would've MURDERED HER. Point blank. PERIOD.

IF Lily's sister was such a favorite, such a golden child, their parents would've killed Lily a long ass time ago.

Now let's look at recent events.

It's been confirmed by Lily and KP herself that KP tried to get Lily and her sister into a call together....

IF Lily was SUCH AN ABUSIVE ASSHOLE...WHO THE FUCK THINKS ITS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT AN ABUSER AND THEIR VICTIM IN THE SAME CALL LET ALONE THE SAME ROOM WITH EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHO THE FUCK THE THIRD PARTY IS????

That shit is NEVER a good idea. But what makes this shit even more sus to me is the fact that KP got UPSET when LILY FUCKING ORCHARD was the one to say "No!" LEAVE THE CALL when this idea was brought up. KP stated this.

Do you want to know what this says to me. This says that Lily wasn't the abuser in this situation.

Lily was having a trauma response.

But Lily's sister was the one open to the idea of getting into a call with her supposed abuser... WHAT THE FUCK???

As a victim of pedophilia I can honestly say to you that if someone tried to get me in a call with my bio father - my abuser - I'd run so fucking far I'd change my name and move to the other side of the fucking planet if I had to.

My own mother tried to get me to interact with my cousins, aunts, and uncles from my bio-fathers side of the family and the answer has always been "No!" every single fucking time.

Why?

Because I don't want to be anywhere near the IDEA of my abuser let alone anywhere near him.

It makes me sick. So tell me why the fuck is it that Lily's supposed victim, Lily's sister adopts Lily's name, actively reached out to one of her friends and even reached out to her on Deviant Art to INTERACT with Lily?

Everything that the sister does doesn't scream "this a victim of an abuser."

It screams "THIS IS A POWER PLAY FROM AN ABUSER!"

So let's look at what this entire situation says to me.

Lily Orchard didn't want to be forced by KP to join a call with one of her supposed "victims" and is her sister who has been BRAGGING about being their parents golden child and could've gotten her murdered at any time said sister felt like it. Lily said "No!" and left the call.

Predators LOVE to have power over their victims. They LOVE having info on their victims and former victims. It's like crack to them. It always has been. So IF Lily was a predator... Why is it that she's been avoiding her sister? Her supposed former victim...

My abuser used the fact that I was just a naive 7 year old against me all the time. That my mom would never believe me. And he was damn near right until he broke up with my mom in another one of their heated arguments and after a month of him being gone I spilt my guts and my mom kept asking me "Are you sure?" until she finally faced reality and realized that he was in fact a predator.

Can't wait to see how you'll ignore all of this shit and all of these questions in the next ask which I'm 99% sure is going to be you twisting yourself into knots to not answer them and bitch about whatever perceived slite you find in this.

Also before I forget I'm mature enough to see that Lily was obviously annoyed and saw plenty of people whining about her about anime and just took it out in that ask and thus I didn't take it personally. I don't have to take every insult someone gives me personally.

I didn't call her supposed victims predators. You just did though LOL. Way to out yourself there bud.

What I've been doing is pointing out that the shit being thrown at Lily is the EXACT same things that have been thrown and accused at LGBTQIA+ people for years, especially in the current Political Climate. Marjorie Taylor Green and JK Rowling have been throwing pedophilia and grooming allegations at the Trans Community for YEARS.

And what makes this shit all the more suspicious to me is that A LOT of Lily's haters dead name her and misgender her so often it's expected of them and when Lily's sister first came on scene, and this was pointed out by Essence of Thought herself, she misgendered and deadnamed Lily until she realized that Ethel was going to continue to correct her so she had to use Lily's name and gender.

It's no secret that the majority of Lily's haters are transphobes so it's not hard to expect that they'd use the very talking points transphobes have been throwing at the trans community for YEARS.

[charlesswife]

Una Noche En Mónaco ii

Mateo Con Una T (Mateo with one t)

unem masterlist

pairing: charles leclerc x latina! reader

summary: after a one night stand between you and charles, he continues on with his formula one career. until two months later, you come back claiming to be pregnant with his child.

warning: bad writing, charles is a bit of an asshole at first, google translate because i dont speak french, teen pregnancy, english isnt my first language so there might be some grammatical error.

a/n: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU GUYS HAVE SHOWN IN THE FIRST EPISODE! It makes me so happy to know that you guys really liked it. I really have sooooo many ideas and twist for this book, like you guys have no idea, so always expect the unexpected hehehe

Just to clarify y/l/n is your last name. This is your story so I didn't want to give reader a last name.

second A/N: for some reason i can't write chapters on my phone because the letters are black. I have it in dark mode but i didnt have that problem before. does anyone else have that problem?

gif is not mine!

May 2018 

Charles Leclerc was a gentleman. That's how I remember him. The way he took care of me after the several rounds of sex we had. He is definitely the kind of man I don't ever want to forget. He was very sweet and caring. 

But he was only a one-night stand. I don't really know him, as him. The fact that I have to tell him I'm pregnant with his child absolutely terrifies me. I wish my parents were here. If they were, I don't think I would be in this situation. 

Charles sent me the address where he was staying at. As I got closer to the place, I realized it was the same place where I woke up. Is this his apartment? 

Steph left me at the doorstep. I needed her as moral support, just in case things didn't go as planned. 

"Go," Steph said as she hugged me. "I'll be waiting in the car, don't worry. If he does anything, we'll sue him. You have the money for it" 

Money wasn't a problem for me. I just wanted him to be there, I'm scared and I don't want to do this alone. I know Steph is here for me, but it is not her responsibility at all, it is mine and his. 

I took a long breath and rang the bell. Steph went back to the car and after a few minutes, Charles opened the door. 

He had such a bright smile on his face. "Oh, cara mia," he pulled me into his apartment and then close the door. He grabbed my face with both of his hands and try to kiss me but I pushed him slightly by his chess. His thick brows frowned a bit and then he asked, "What's wrong?"

I looked at him in the eyes and said. "We need to talk" 

February 2023 

I walked to my bookstore with Mateo in hand. Steph was the first one to greet us. 

"Auntie!" Mateo let go of my hand and ran to my best friend. 

"Maty!" Steph got down to the level of my kid and hugged him. "Uff, why are you getting so big, huh? How is my favorite godson doing?" 

Mateo laughed. "I'm your only godson, tia" (aunt) 

"How would you know, Alexander Jules?"

"Mommy told me, and Mommy would never lie," he pointed at me. "Verdad, mami?" (right, Mommy?) he looked back at me. 

"Si, mi amor (yes, my love)" I nodded at him. "Stay with your tia (aunt) while I check stuff in the store, okay? And don't forget to pick up a book" I told him, to which he nodded. 

Mateo Alexander Jules Y/l/n is four and one quarter. He likes to remind people of that. He is the most educated boy I know, and I'm not saying that just because I'm his mother, but because it's the truth. I have seen other kids and they are horrible, ungrateful brats. I hate kids. Except for my son. I want to think I did a good job raising him. He looks a lot like Charles. From the eyes' color and shape to the dimples to the hair, to the lips. 

I walked around the store, checking books that needed to be restocked and putting some books back in place. I went to the cafe and got my regular iced coffee. 

I walked around again until I got to my favorite section. Murder & Mysteries. In there, I saw a lady. Probably in her mid-50s. Blonde hair, she was dressed casually. She was looking around at the books. Picking one up, reading the back, and then putting the book back on the shelf. 

"Do you need any help?" I asked her. 

She turned around and looked at me up and down. "Oh, dear. I thought I was alone. You work here?" 

"Something like that," This answer seemed to confuse her. "Is there anything I could help you with?" 

She turned her sight to the books again. "Well, I'm trying to find a good mystery book but none of them catches my eye. I'm looking for something similar to Alexander Y/l/n or Perla Campos. They are my favorite authors" 

I stared at her for a second. What are the odds? I looked back at the bookshelf until I found the book I was looking for. "This one should do."

She looked at the cover and asked "The Seven and 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle?" 

"It's not as near as good as what Alexander Y/l/n and Perla Campos used to write, but if you like their books, I'm sure you'll like this one," I explained as I see her read the back of the book. "Another option would be 'The Secret Inheritance' by Cassandra Matthew." (lmao idk if that book is real) 

I handed her the book and she took it gladly. She read the back and then looked at me. "These are very good suggestions! Thank you, dear. What's your name?" 

"Y/n," I told her. 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Pascale" 

August 2018 

Pregnancy wasn't easy. I never thought I would cry so much in the span of 5 minutes just because I ran out of my favorite gelato. 

Today was my fifth visit to the doctor, and I was nervous as hell. I am more bigger than a regular pregnant woman, it has me fearing for my baby's life or even mine. 

"Okay, Y/n. You know the drill. Lay down, and lift your shirt up. As always the gel is cold" Dr. Williams said. She is always so gentle with me. Maybe she pities me. 

"I have concerns," I told her. She looked at me as she was putting on the gel. "My belly looks bigger than normal, is that okay?"

"It depends, in most cases, yes. It means the baby is healthy. But let's take a look" She moved her sight to the machine. The image of my baby appears immediately in the sonogram. She moved the transducer to another spot on my belly and I could see her eyes widen a bit. She was going on up and down in the same area. "I think I have a better answer to your question." She looked at me and said, "You're having twins" 

February 2023 

"Mami, can I read Nancy Drew?" Mateo came running to me as he showed me the first book in the series. 

I looked at the book and say "I don't think so, love. It might be too much for you. This is for bigger kids" 

"But I am a big kid!" The old lady, Pascale, laughed. 

"This is your son?" she asked.

I nodded with a smile. Mateo looked at Pascale and stayed quiet. He knew it was rude to interrupt conversations. He got behind me, hiding.

Pascale tilted her head for a moment, narrowed her eyes a bit, and murmured "He kind of looks like... never mind. What's your name, little boy?" 

He looked at me for a second. "Answer her, baby. It's rude to not answer to elders" I told him.

"I'm Mateo with one T" he lifted one finger.

This made Pascale laugh again. "Nice to meet you, Mateo with one T" 

"Why don't you take the book to Tia and tell her I say to check it out" Mateo nodded and ran towards the register, he stopped for a second and came back walking. 

"Goodbye," He said to Pascale while giving her a little waving and then walking back to the register. 

"He looks like a bundle of joy," Pascale said as she sees Mateo walk away. 

"He is," I agreed. "Is there anything else I can help with?" 

"No, that's all. Thank you for the help. I'm ready to check out." 

We walked to the register and started the process to check her out. I did the usual routine. I asked if she had an account with us, which she didn't, but she decided to get one. 

"Okay, Pascale. What's your last name?"

"You can just put an L," I did as she told me. As I was checking out her books, she said "This is such a pretty bookstore. I have never been here before." 

"Thank you," I said. 

"She's the owner," Steph spoke as she was playing hands with my son, who shushed her for butting in the conversation. 

Pascale looked at me with wide eyes. I laughed at her reaction. She inserted her card and paid. I put her books in a bag and grabbed one of the coupons. "Here is a ten-percent coupon to use on your next visit!" 

"I will definitely come back. I need to tell you if I like the books or not." 

"Oh boy," I laughed.

"I might even bring one of my sons with me" Oh boy... This isn't the first time a mother has try to set me up with their kids. 

"Please do!" Steph yelled. Mateo put his small hands in her mouth and murmured a small 'no tia, don't talk'. 

"See you next time, Pascale" 

"Bye Y/n," She walked to the entrance as she passed my boy, she turned and say "Goodbye, Mateo with one T" 

"Bye-bye." 

After she left the store, Steph turned to me. "She didn't say goodbye to me. How rude?" 

"Jesus Christ, Steph. Why would you tell her that?" I elongated the a in 'that'. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I know I left you guys with open scenes between the first and third scenes but everything is for a reason!!! I might do Charles POV on the next one!!! Trust the process guys, things are going to get sooo good.

If you guys don't know (just in case) Pascale is Charles' mother.

Please let me know what you think of it. I would really appreciate any type of comment, whether is your opinion or just anything! It would def motivate me to keep going. I would really appreciate if you guys like and repost as well! So other people can be aware of this story.

@mac-daddy-210 @infinite-wanders @rbrsavage @itsyogurlkel @bbygrlllllll  @nerdreader @imnotcryingyouare1 @killerangel88 @obx-mylove-things-blog @triorion @daniellarogers @insssanemind @bosinclairsgf @rb-danny @shyshva @booksobsess @ogfangirl @ravenqueen27 @masonspulisic @yunnie-f1 @simxican @ushygushybaby @graceverstappen11 @maximoff-xmen @severenswife @ferraribabe @pjofics @harrysdimple05 @mloyer @teti-menchon0604 @imagineadream @reidsworld @heavengirls111 @scentedskydreamer @christianpulisic10 @formulas-bitch @topguncultleader @hc-dutch @moonclaine @miureiz @tall-tanned-tattoo @madisontaxarn @bisexualbith  

For some reason, it's not letting me tag some of you so people make sure your tag is correct. I want everyone to get the notification and this is beyond me.

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

guys wait modern muggle au prongsfoot fic idea . james potter born & raised in india has his parents die when he's fourteen and he's sent to live with his father's brother, charlus potter, who fleamont didn't have a close relationship with and so james is distant from charlus and dorea. he's moved from india to england where he doesn't know anyone barely a week after his parents funeral and is completely isolated from his friends. he starts acting out and at first it's excused but once he restarts school it becomes worse. he yells at teachers, he gets in fights daily, he yells at his aunt and uncle, he's out late at night. it goes on for maybe two or three months before he gets in a massive fight. it's barely a fight, more of a brutal beatdown, james doing the beating. police get involved, james is starting to realize he may need to control his emotions, his uncle and aunt are more disappointed than mad (it's worse) (it's familiar) and he serves a shortened juvie sentence of two weeks.

enter sirius black. he's james' roommate and james' first look at him is sirius getting (quite roughly) handled by a few guards for something he said or did and james' first thought is oh he's cool and they kind of hit it off instantly when sirius tells james he was getting hurt restrained for switching out a guard's lunch for something he was allergic to + adding a divorce letter from his wife which included details on how she wanted to fuck guard's brother instead. james is like. oh my god, he is so cool. they share life stories in, like, two days of knowing each other. sirius is pretty closed off from james, who spills out words without a thought, but james gathers something about running away from home, and he knows sirius is here for a variety of different things and has been here a while.

once james leaves, he's aching to meet sirius again. he needs it, so he does good in a handful of tests and smiles at his teachers and begs his uncle for permission and he can visit for forty-five minutes a week.

idk. i didnt rlly think this out.

sirius is in for gta, drug possession, aggravated assault and numerous accounts of hacking and/or identity theft. he ran away a bit younger, here, maybe around fourteen so like same as when james' life went downhill. he was homeless, got into shady shit and shady people. once he's released his biggest worry is that - housing, getting back into that shit. obviously, james thinks its very obvious that theyre going to live together. also !! james has bpd, it's diagnosed and its partly the reason his sentence is reduced. sirius has bipolar type 2, depression, substance abuse issues, ptsd & struggles w derealization. something something sirius feeling very out of it because when he gets out james is going to college and sirius literally has no one so he just... tags along. as in he moves in the apartment near the big fancy smart kid college james is undoubtedly going to and sirius just. feels stupid. hes not used to feeling stupid. he feels left behind and hes realizing how everyone his age is very ahead of him where as he's been basically dissociating for two years. then yk ofc james forces him to enroll in courses and sirius does great and they live happily ever after

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for sleeping with my friend’s crush?

a couple days ago my friends and i had a sleepover at my friend’s (we’ll call her A, 18F) aunt’s house. A invited us (me (18F), L (18M), R (19M), and B (18M)) as well as her other friend, H (18F), and H’s brother D (19M). L has had a crush on H for a while now, but he’s only ever referred to her as “record store girl”, so we didn’t know it was her until we all arrived and he started acting weird.

in the middle of the night (probably like 2am or so, idk), H woke me up and asked if she could sleep next to me since she felt nervous. i was half asleep, didnt think about it too hard, and said yes. the next morning, when we all woke up, L was gone from the room we were sleeping in.

we spent a couple minutes looking for L, then he came barging out of some room down the hall with all of his stuff packed. i asked him what he was doing and he said he was leaving because he saw me with H. i told him nothing happened and he said it wasn’t about that, he knew nothing happened, it was that i knew he had feelings for her and still got close with her. at this point H apologized, saying she didn’t know he felt that way, but i told L that H was just another girl in the long list of girls he’s crushed on but never did anything about anyways.

at this point L got really upset. for context, the previous night, we had gotten into an argument because i said god didn’t exist or care about humanity at all given the horrors of the world rn and then L told me he was a christian. i had gotten upset bc i couldn’t believe he could uphold something as harmful as religion, but then after we cooled down a bit we talked it out and he told me he liked the feeling of not being alone that religion brings for him. i had apologized and told him that he’s not alone regardless, because he has me and our other friends, we hugged it out, and i thought that would be the end of it.

well, L brought that back up, saying that i didn’t respect his feelings or his religion, and i clearly don’t want him there. i tried telling him that he couldn’t just leave and he should stop being so immature, but he was insistent, so i got out of his way and unlocked the front door for him.

it’s been a couple days and we haven’t really talked. R says i should just apologize to him again so we can all be friends but i think L needs to grow up and realize that he can’t just sit around pining and praying and expecting it to get him anywhere.

also, if this is relevant at all, i am a girl who likes girls. i’m not going to go into the details of my relationship with christianity, but for me, believing in god has done more harm than good. i do respect L’s life choices and i can see where he’s coming from but i’m never going to be involved with religion again.

What are these acronyms?

[jj-maybanks-daughter]

Jj x daughter

She gets home from having a fight and she tries to hide it but the pogues notice but she tries to hide it so she goes to her room and jj comes and she cracks in cried in his arms and he soothes her

Fight

It had been a rough week. Y/ns boyfriend, tristen having an ex made it worse.

Her name was Kat with a K y/n always made fun of the k in her head but never outloud. They didn't really have issues. At least y/n didn't

At the party

"so, y/n, what's it like being a home wrecker?" Kat came up behind her and put her hand on her back while y/n was talking to her froends.

"what?" She asked turning around

"you heard me, bitch" Kat yelled, getting attention from the people around her

"you see, the music's really loud and I wasn't talking to you. I did not hear you" y/n said leaning to one hip and putting a hanf on the other

"your a home wrecker." Kat yelled

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but you broke up with him and I got with him after. Something is not adding up"

Kat lunged to y/n and y/n just step to the side and gave her a staredown . then out of no where she got a fist to the face.

"your gonna regret doing that, sweetheart"

Y/n punched Kat back but harder, sending her go the ground. She normally wouldn't do that, but the beer had already gotten to her head. She shook her fist (like John b did when he punched topper) and walked away.

"get outta here!" One of the girls yelled from the house

Y/n flipped them off and walked home. She had a bruise on her eye, bruised knuckels and a cut on her lip. She didn't want to tell her dad about the fight so she was just gonna go to her room.

"hi dad, I'm home" she yelled to him. The lights were off so she was in the clear.

She scurried up to her room and sit's half way shut the door to get some makeup on the bruises.

"hey y/n" pope said as he walked by her room.

"why are you doing makeup, it 10 pm" jj laughed.

"I don't know I just felt like it" she smiled

"can I help" Sarah practically begged. She always helped y/n with makeup

"no."

"come on kid, let your aunt do it" Jj said in the doorway

"what's that?" Followed after. He walked into her room and she turned her face away.

"nothing, go away" she said walking to her bed

"there's something on your lip, let me get it" he sakd reaching for her face and pulling it towards him. He squinted his eyes at the makeup and lip. "What the he'll happened" he asked

"Kat." She cried

"come here, its alright" he said hugging her and putting his ead on hers.

"she said I was a home wrecker when she broke up with him that doesn't make any sense"

"I hope you didn't punch her first" he said taking a look at her eye

"I didnt" she said n looking down

Sarah had gotten a Snapchat notification and opened it.

They heard her gasp and they turned around to see.

"what's wrong " y/n sniffeled.

"damn you got her good" Sarah chuckled, turning the phone around

"fuck" y/n mumbked . that was the last thing she wanted. They got everything on camera.

People made edits of i, and she had to admit, they made her look pretty cool, but she didn't want it to be a big thinf.

"that'll show Kat with a K to mess with my daughtee " Jj said giving g her a high five.

She looked down and smiled. She got a notification from tristen. She held her breath as she opened ut.

Tristen <3

Thanks for beating her

Ass. I love you <3

She let out a sigh. It was all gonna be ok.

[notanerdyprude]

richie headcanons because by GOD do i love this

appearance

• richie is TALL. lanky mf. he was shorter that pete in middle school and then shot up to 6’3 in highschool.

• richie constantly dyes his hair. paul hates it, mainly because of the mess he makes of it. its partially a stress thing partially him wanting to make it gleamingly obvious that hes queer.

• has like an Okay sense of fashion, mainly thanks to ruth. he took the idea of layering stuff and RAN with it.

• always has a shit ton of pins and badges, some anime themed, some themed with other stuff.

• paints his nails sometimes. he tried nail art and it turned out shit but he liked it anyways.

personality

• this. man. is. a. BITCH. if max wasn’t the coolest guy in school richie would be such a cunt to him. well, more than he already is “i didnt mean to walk through YOUR hallway 😒”

• very blunt, he will tell his friends what he believes without sugar-coating it.

• richie is his friends number one hype man if he actually believes in them. in the audience of every school show screaming at the top of his lungs when the tech crew get thanked.

general

• gay, trans man. he/him pronouns user

• plays the drums! yes this is because i play the drums get out of my house.

• LOVES photography, will take photos of pretty scenery whenever he gets the chance. paul got him a proper camera for his 18th and he nearly cried.

• listens to 80’s rock/indie rock

• blur fan. not elaborating.

• will order boba tea or coffee that is 90% milk + sugar whenever the nerdy prudes get drinks.

• HUGE sweet tooth.

• theatre kid, the only reason he doesnt do the school musicals is that he thinks theyre all shit.

• works after school in a bookstore, spends most of his time studying or drawing.

• had a massive among us phase. he refuses to speak of it.

relationships

• paul is his uncle, emma is basically his cool wine aunt. she helps him dye his hair most of the time, and they gossip together.

• him and ruth are basically brother and sister, attatched at the hip, basically have twin telepathy. richie is the ultimate wingman.

• had a crush on pete in middle school that he got over. he still hasnt told pete about it.

• stephanie: kys

richie: you first whore

stephanie: do u want chilis

richie: yes

• (no one dies/everyone lives au) max and him have a frenemy type thing going on. after max DIDNT fall at waylon place, richie saw that max was less god more human, and felt more comfortable arguing back with max. they both prefer this, it makes class more fun.

• once made grace cry with the shit he said about his anime crushes in a groupchat

richie: i wanna #### him and ### his ####

grace: I hope I get to watch God offer you His divine judgement when you reach the gates of hell so I can laugh as you are banished from the Kingdom of Heaven.

[whoslaurapalmer]

it's not even like I'm living extravagantly or luxuriously or anything but it's like. well now I have to stare at the ceiling and wonder, can I keep cable television. should I bundle the internet with my phone. should I stop this service. would I save money going forward if I paid for this instead. phone calls I have to make about if I have to open my own accounts. if I rent what are my options? what can I take? I can take This but I can't take That. can I poke holes in the wall and hang clocks and posters and pictures. can I paint. what's available to me. I might be able to keep the house. I might be able to buy. I might have to rent. so little is available on my income. but that's what programs are for and my cousin's wife knows a lot about what my options are and where to start because I don't know where to start!! and she knows what I'd like so she's coming over on Friday to talk about everything

calling people to cancel my mom's upcoming appointments. wondering what I should try and sell or keep. should I return this. can I take that with me. is taking a couple puzzles considered an extravagance. it shouldn't be, BUT. where would I put This. can i take the pile of notebooks where my mom and dad wrote notes for each other to update each other about their day and family stuff because some days they didnt see each other when my dad worked weird hours. i want it because thats a piece of my life and it's them but where do i put it if i move. it's not stuff that has to be decided TODAY it's literally been just two whole entire days. but it's stuff that has to be decided soon. by the end of this month. so basically. now. I should measure things tomorrow. I should think about donating and selling and. everything.

my aunt: okay this is just my opinion but I think the house is too big for you and you'd be living alone

me: ....................I'd be living alone regardless??????

and it really isn't a lot of house. like. I'd rearrange things, I'd paint, I could, make my mom's room into a craft room, she always wanted me to have a craft room!!!!! but do I need a dining room!! and!!!!! I don't know. if I had a smaller space I could maybe have a craft section in a dining room. would I even be able to get something with a dining room. I just want something comfortable with room thats mine where i can sing and my brother can come over and do his laundry and i have space for all my things and i feel okay. but there are certain debts to be paid with the house, if i stayed and if i didnt stay. we have to handle the car too. my cousin's wife said don't rule out any options!! we'll look into it and talk about it!! and I'm glad she's being so helpful and optimistic. and I shouldn't worry about housing in particular until we really talk on Friday. but it's in my mind. of course.

I! am still holding it together okay!! There's a lot to get in order and think about and at least I know where everything is and it's, occupying. but it's also like. yes I'm doing such a good job and I'm proud of me but I'm only doing all this because my mom isn't here. my brother says something funny and I want to tell her. the guy on wheel of fortune tonight solved puzzles so wrong and I wanted to see her face when he solved wrong and hear her laugh. I want to watch dancing with the stars with her tomorrow. we didn't get to finish watching halloween wars and now all the holiday baking has started. she's not gonna find out who killed lester on only murders. I still have to go to the endocrinologist on Thursday, because it's too close to try and reschedule. I have to go to our cardiologist for my annual at the beginning of December and i have to tell him that my mom that he saw for over 30 years and was supposed to have a double appointment with me isn't here anymore. I have to see my eye doctor in January and tell her and I know she's gonna cry. i have to switch my insurance but that's also because my plan's not being offered next year so unrelated but it's another phone call. it's a payment I have to make now. it's a phone call I wanted to make with my mom so she could tell me I was doing it right. I know what questions to ask and everything but. I wanted her there. I still haven't told my sister. my mom didn't want me to say anything to her. and I respect that and I'd never talk to her again, for my own reasons, but I should tell her anyway. but now I'm the one that has the copy of her birth certificate because the little safe of all our important papers is mine now. and I'm only 80% sure she has one, so first i have to ask her boyfriend if she has one for sure. which is like. man what a pain.

but my brother and I watched some episodes of crime scene kitchen together and he really enjoyed it and that made me happy. the christmas episode of andy griffith was on tonight and it made us laugh. I put my mom and dad's wedding photo in my room and it makes me feel safe to look at it. and right now I just have to go to bed. and see what tomorrow looks like. Tuesday when my alarm goes off, the radio station I have it tuned to does one of my favorite segments. my best friend made me the BEST chocolate chip cookies in the whole world and there's still three left for dessert tomorrow. my second cousin posted a picture of like six years ago when her daughter was born and my mom held her and it made me feel all warm inside because I wasn't expecting to see a picture of my mom and she loved holding babies. my brother is still drawing the comic he's been working on. we played super mario wonder today. we really like being able to play a mario game where we're both playing at the same time and my mom was really excited when I told her that the other day. pusheen still exists. I'm here.

[sicknessbysalem]

i didnt want to be this person but i’ve been following your blog for a while and i was hoping it would change but it hasnt. I think its bold of you to say your blog has no AI when your characters are basically rip offs of existing characters or real world people, or characters you took from another user. AI is awul for artists and needs to be separated from art and this blog is basically AI with how many rip off characters you have. You say you don’t write rpf or fanfic but over half your characters are basically rip offs of existing characters or real world people (youre going to tell me that Cassius and Calypso arent ripped off from Gravity Falls, Hemlock isnt stolen from Danny Phantom, Novak is basically a subtle rpf to that one nfl quarterback in florida, the list goes on). If you aren’t going to even try why do you have a blog?

Hey Anon, this is actually insane.

For starters, I didn’t even want to think about this message because you didn’t even have the guts to come off anonymous to tell me you felt that way. The only reason I’m answering this is because its actually insane you think this.

Let’s bust out the crayons for this lesson, shall we? 🖍️ i’ll explain this the way i explained a similar thing to some kids at the daycare i volunteered at in college.

🖍️ "Inspired by" means you see something you like, and you use it to come up with your own ideas. It’s like seeing a cool picture of a duck, and then drawing your own duck but making it look different, maybe with different colors or wings. You use the idea, but make it yours.

🖍️ "Copying" is when you take something someone else made and do the exact same thing without changing it or making it your own. It’s like tracing that duck picture and saying it’s yours, even though someone else made it first.

So, being inspired is using an idea to create something new, and copying is just making the same thing!

Let’s look at the characters you mentioned.

Cassius and Calypso are witches. Twins. This isn’t the first time witches have appeared in media, of course. After all, Harry Potter is incredibly popular. Let’s not forget Sabrina the Teenage Witch! Also! Twins are a real life biological phenomenon! I won’t lie, the relationship Cassius and Calypso has is drawn from Gravity Falls, but if you remember the creator of that show even came out and said they were based on him and his sister. How are they mine, you ask? Well… theyre under contract with their aunt and uncle, they perform regular shows showcasing their abilities, and the biggest thing in their lore is Calypso’s deal. Calypso made a deal with a demon who she knows nothing about and hardly knows anything about what she got into but she doesnt care. As long as her brother is safe. They have their own exclusive personalities too!

Was Hemlock based off Danny Phantom? Hell yeah he was. That show was a banger. Is Hemlock a copycat of Danny Phantom? Believe it or not even though he is half ghost and half human and can shift (as is Juniper!) at his will usually, he is NOT actually Danny Phantom. Hemlock is a transgender man, he is a student, he just got his abilities at twenty one. Did I take inspiration from the show? Sure. But is Hemlock also a classical musician, an occult student, a researcher, and a study driven academic with an ironic background in ghost hunting? Yep. And guess what? He also has a whole personality!!

Let’s look at Novak, because he is one of my favorite characters ever and he’s a lot of people’s favorite character. The quarterback you’re looking for is an amazing man, really. I volunteered with that team on an internship for one of my degrees during one of his seasons and he is one of the most genuine people I’ve met! (I went to a game in January, tickets were a Christmas gift, and he actually remembered me by name and I gave him a friendship bracelet like it was the eras tour and I’m pretty sure he wore it for a while). But is Novak a copycat of him? Let’s look. See, I don’t know him (that player you’re talking about) personally! But I can tell you Novak is a linebacker which is an entirely different position. Novak is also a single father who was SA’ed (because that happens to men too) in college. He was a foster kid who went through eight homes, six of which were abusive. He was a double major in college while being a once in a lifetime player for the college football team. He would do anything for his mom, his daughter, and his loved ones without a second thought. In fact we see more lore in his book but Novak has a hefty (six figures) fund for his daughter to go to college or buy a house or whatever she may need later in life. He regularly donates to his mom’s art gallery to make sure it stays running and local artists are supported to the highest possible level. Also, interestingly, that quarterback youre talking about is very Christian (very nice about it. But very christian) and Novak is actually agnostic! Novak also retired after a few years after he acquired a really bad concussion and started having seizures. As you say, ✨the list goes on✨

As for the AI thing, because what the absolute fuck… I never use AI to write my stories. I have used ChatGPT before, but I have used it as a means to get my thoughts organized in a prompt so I can write. Other that that, all me baby.

So, if you have any other comments, feel free to keep them to yourself from now on! My characters are mine or used BY REQUEST from the author who originally create them. So, again. All me baby.

If you don’t got anything else, feel free to see yourself out!

[marvelita85]

Living in The red keep after your marriage wasnt always easy, most of your time was spend with your husband , when Sir Criston Cole wasn't around, honestly you couldnt stand the man, and thanks to Helaena who made your days happier and complete, your aunt, now sister too looked foward to your afternoons in the godswood with her children who you had doubts they were Aegon's because of how sweet they were

You wrote to your mother quiet frecuently and your mornings were spend in the library after break your fast with Aemond looking for new books to read to your convalecent gransfather, he was very happy you were living there with them... it was like having Rhaenyra again

You shared your mother's figures and looks one of the reasons the queen acepted you to married Aemond, but the truth was both of you married for love, you grow up together and fell in love for Aemond there wasn't any other choise

But spies and maids loyal to the queen was what abuded in the red keep, even you tried to be carefull in what you informed Daemon and your mother and doing so in Valaryan you knew you were being watched

You tried to live as normal as you posibly could but sometimes you wanted your dragon to call "Dracarys" in all of them

- princess...

- queen Alicent... - you were always respectfull of her tittle but you never called her my queen...

- I wanted to see you... my maids informed me you havent bleed in a month...- you looked at her surpriced but what she was saying was not lie... but you didnt think much about it

- I didnt think much of it, I've been busy...

- you should let the maesters check on you... I will arranged it myself...

- thank you queen Alicent but is not necesary... my mothers ladies will come with her shortly

-I dont think is necesary to wait...

- is not that long and if it is true the reason I'vnt bleed is still going to be there, Im sorry but the king is waiting for me... - you gave her a little bow and dissapeared in the corner

Alicent couldnt find to have a close relationship with you, you loved her son but her not so much, you saw her as a traitor to your mother

That night your maid was preparing for bed and Aemond entered your shared room

- leave us... - he said and the maid left not saying a word... - is it true what my mother said? You havent bleed in a month? - you smile a little and nod your head looking at him... - ynn.... - he aproached to you and you stand hugging him

- we shouldnt get our hopes up jusy yet... it could be but maybe not..

- then why you dont let the maester look at you...

- I dont want them near me... he is the same one who butchered my grandmother while having a boy... I want my mother's maids...

- do you think that I would allow them to do anything like that to you..

- of course not, I trust you Aem... Im just asking you this, we have time, we can wait...- Aemond kiss your forehead

Aemond talked to his mother because she didnt insisted you again until your family arried to Kings Landing for Jace wedding, your mother throught your ravens knew about your situation and her and her ladies were in your room first thing upon arrival

- I miss you my little dragon..

- I miss you too momma... - you were sensible but you were missing your family, Rhaenyra was always a good mother, leaving her only girl in the hands of the greens was a struggled for her but she knew you loved Aemond and he loved you, she saw that love and the way he treated you despite the way he was with your brothers, it was a different relationship but you looked happy and that was all it matters

- you are with child princess... congratulations...- you had tears of joy in your eyes, your mother pregnant herself was crying aswell

- you are creating your own family my love...

- is so overwelming... I have to tell Aemond...

- I'll go and fetch my brother....- you laught at the way she said it and smile to your mother, you wished her relationship with her siblings were different but a child of you and Aemond meant peace between your family, your marriage was to united the two branches of it, this baby was to solificated it

- what happend?

- come... I have great news... the ladies of my mother confirm what we suspected my love...

- you mean you are...

- we are.. with child...- Aemond never thought he could feel this full, and complete, he was married with the woman he loved, the almost only thing he thank his own father for because y/n wasn't his mother's choise and now they have created a little life who was theirs and it was undiscribed what he was feeling, he grab you in his arms, felt your body warm against his and knew he would do anythkng for both of you because he loved you but what he felt for that baby already went beyond imagination to the ledges he could go for him

- I have a request from you... before this baby arrives... I wish for him... or her to be born in Dragonstone...- before Aemond could say anything you understood his hesitation...- before you say anything hear me out, the only reason your nephew and even you were born healthy was because of your grandfather, he always wanted his blood in the Iron Throne and your son... our son or daughter will be in direct line of it after my mother and me, we are women and we understand what that means... just imagine if it is a boy... they wont hestidate a second to kill me and raise this kid to their shape and form...

- I wont let anything happend to you...

- then come with me to Dragonstone to have this baby... Luke will go to Drifmark and Jace will be in Winterfell over his honeymoon...

- we are going on Vahgar and your Dragon will follow.... I dont want you to be recless while pregnant with my child...

- as you wish my prince... - you said with a little smile

- I'll do whatever you need of me y/n as long as you and our baby are safe

[saddleseatollie]

just finished rereading fourth wing and i am experiencing so many emotions i cannot put a single one into words.

*spoilers*

liam dying somehow hurt even worse the second time around, even though i knew it was coming.

i didnt like dain from the beginning even on my first read but my hatred was so much more intense the second time around knowing he was violating her mind every single time he touched her

i dont really like comparing book series' but xaden and his shadow wielding is so azriel coded (that's honestly where i think the similarities end though)

i really really hope rhiannon gets to be in the next book and i really hope she somehow gets brought into the revolution because she's genuinely one of my favorite characters and i think violet needs her support

i'm so excited to learn more about brennan in the next book, he seems like he's gonna be such a great character and definitely is a great brother to violet and leader among aretia

a part of me hopes that violet's dad is also secretly alive but i know he's not

the brief mention in xaden's pov chapter about his mother hinting at some kind of trauma? i'm so curious about whether the "not going there" was meant to imply is she was maybe abusive? or if maybe she betrayed his father or something.

xaden is genuinely one of the best love interests ive read in a long time. like yeah he makes some mistakes (he should have been more open and honest with violet as soon as things started getting serious between them) but i love that he admits his mistake and wants to make it up to her. not to compare to ACOTAR again since so many people already do that but Rhys would never (i'm not a rhys hater but i'm just saying)

violet is seriously my favorite fmc of all time. i was worried in the beginning when she was described as being so physically frail that she would follow the "y/n so tiny and helpless" trope but when she said "i will handle my rucksack and i will handle myself" i immediately knew she wasn't gonna be like that and loved her for it.

the book being mobility aid positive and the treatment of violet's eds i thought was really good (obviously aided by the fact that rebecca yarros has the same condition) but i loved when tairn tells violet not to be ashamed of using the saddle and that having a body with different needs doesn't make her less than or less deserving of riding

tairn and andarna are the best. tairn reminds me of a grumpy but loving dad (my daddy issues were screaming whenever he told violet he was proud) and andarna reminded me of a sweet little sister. even sgaeyl reminded me of a slightly scary but not unkind aunt.

ive preordered iron flame and will now be sitting and waiting for november 7th to come.

[arinmoss]

Feel like venting about a very stupid thing that's been happening in my life that i keep vagueing about so feel free to ignore lmao. this is so tmi and also stupid long lol. i just, idk need to type it out.

but basically, me and my mom live below the poverty line. She makes barely $20,000 a year. My grandma knows this. She knows we're on snap ebt, and what that means. She knows my mom has no money and that when my dad died he left us nothing but his debt.

Now my grandma? She owns land, and leases it lol. She has a son who lives with her and i imagine pays for things, cause he's the one that runs their business. She also owned a beach house, however technically speaking her and her husband and all 5 of her children own a part of that property. However, my dad is dead so technically his part is now owned by my mom. Legally, she owns part interest in that property, and if my grandma were to sell it (which she did) she would first have to get my moms permission, and then some of that money would go to my mom. Which didnt happen. because my grandma didnt want to give her any of the money, even though it was legally hers and also she fucking lives in poverty.

Like when my grandma found out my mom owns part of it, she told my mom to sign over interest to her (also my mom didnt even know she owned it until my grandma asked her) and my mom said that she would if she gave her some of the money from the sale. cause you know. POVERTY. my mom is straight up broke and makes barely any money cleaning houses!!! and you know what my grandma said???? NO! that she needed ALLL the money and that it was ALLLL hers (which is legally not true lmao)

Like my grandma was so awful to my mom, blaming her for not signing it over to her since my grandma had technically already sold the house lmao. And whats crazy is my grandma made it sound like in order to sell the house, my mom NEEDED to sign her interest over to her and that she's why everything is going wrong. But mom could have just sold her share to the ppl buying the house herself!!!!! but at the time she didn't know that she even had the power to do that, she didn't know that was an option and my grandma certainly wouldn't have told her if it was since that would mean my mom would get part of the money.

but since my mom never properly claimed the property, since she honestly was confused on the whole thing, she then lost ownership and then it defaulted on to me and my 2 brothers. i think i was 18 or 19 when my grandma started shoving papers in my hands to sign and to give the property to her. again, i owned part of the property, but i was a teen so that literally meant nothing to me. And the way my grandma explained the situation, she made it sound like i HAD to sign over my interest to her in order for her to sell it. Which wasn't the case, she just wanted full ownership of the property so alll the money went to her, even if legally me and my brothers owned part.

she kept acting like this was all my moms fault, one of my aunts even got drunk and started getting mad at my mom, calling her fucking greedy of all things (like surrrreeee lady my mom living below the poverty line is greedy) she did apologize afterwards, but my mom certainly didnt forget this.

And back in july i think, me, my mom, and my 2 brothers got served. The ppl buying the property were filing a suit against my grandma, and we were confused cause every time my grandma shoved those stupid papers in my face i signed them like an idiot, despite my mom telling me not too. but apparently none of those times counted since the papers needed to be notarized. and so even my brothers started bugging me about getting the papers signed and notarized.

hell, my grandma had planned to drive over to my apartment and drive me to get the signature notarized, but my brother told her i didnt have an ID (which i didnt at the time lmao) and that you need to show one in order to get it done. She then was like what is her mother doing, why isn't her mom helping yada yda blah blah whatever. Anyways i did end up getting my id in time to get it notarized since every one kept bugging me, and everyone made it seem like this would end and the ppl suing would drop the case if i just sign over interest to my grandma.

I remember the day i handed those papers to my grandma. I asked if we had to go to court since i finally signed, she said no and that this would solve it and they just sent those papers as a scare tactic to get things done faster. lmao. i remember she hugged me after and told me she loved me. i also remember a little before that, when she asked how i was doing i mentioned that i still didnt know what i was gonna do about my apartment situation, and she swiftly changed the subject to her dog lmao and i just. went with it. Basically im gonna lose my apartment by the end of the year, and my moms moving back to mexico to live with family since she cant afford any apartment, but i didn't want to move to a different country just to escape homelessness.

so i asked my grandma if i can stay with her for a bit. she basically gave a long winded answer that was pretty much a no, saying something about like i shouldnt have to depend on other people that thats not what she wanted for me, and like how shes not in the mental head space for this or whatever. mind you she has like 4 empty rooms. plus she mention my aunt was gonna move in and i thought oh so she can but I cant? lmao and she has money but i dont.

whatever anyways she ended with "we'll talk about this later" which we never did. tbh one of my biggest anxieties right now is that i still dnt know where im gonna go. i really dont want to move to mexico, even for a few months. i shouldnt fucking have to. plus when we come back, all i'll have waiting is my moms friends couch lmao. since my moms friend offered up her couch to us. some random lady ive never met would let me sleep on her couch cause she cares about my mom.

i think thats what broke my brain a little bit, ya know? like ive never met my moms friend. but she offered that. because she loves and cares about my mom. but my grandms does not view my mom as family, hell when i lsot my house when i was 16 she straight up told my mom, to her face that if it wasnt for me she never would have taken my mom in. thats her fucking daughter in law. Her daughter in law, who is not only HOMELESS but also a WIDOW! in fact my dad died like 3 months prior to us losing our house.

whatever anyways. even though my grandma said we didnt have to show up in court, my mom did. she talked to the lawyer and he gave her some information. We then got served! again! for some reason! So my mom wanted to talk to this lawyer again to see whats going on, and we had a meeting yesterday. he explained how i own part of the property, and that the suit against us is ridiculous since we didn't sign off on the sale, and most notably how i dont have to give over my interest to my grandma. like technically my grandma was right that i need to, but i needed to in the sense that in order for her to have the full title and get all the money she needed my signature.

but i could have just sold directly to these people myself. he explained, legally i own part and these people, whether they be the ppl buying it or my grandma, have NO RIGHT to compel to do anything!! that even though he works for my grandma, he told me that the best thing would ne to sell my part my self and then i'd get money! which technically should have been my moms to begin with. but a wins a win.

except now im confused. cause i signed over the interest already, even though i wouldnt have if i fucking knew any of this, but the ppl suing still served us? so maybe we still got it wrong and the paper i signed doesn't count, or it does and the people dont know yet, or the lawyer just doesn't know yet since my grandma has another lawyer for out state we live in. idk. this whole thing was awful and strange, and lawyer himself said that things didn't have to become the mess it did if she just listened to him lol. he kept telling her to not just sign ever paper those people put in front of her. and she really had no right considering she didn't fully own the property.

so theres a good chance she just fully owns this property now. and she did tell my brother that she'd give us some of the money, though the only reason she offered this now in 2024 was because this thing had been going on since 2018/2019 and she wanted this over with and i imagine she plans to give us less than what we'd get if we sold directly to the buyers. but idk. idk either way that should've been my moms. that was my moms. my mom wasn't even asking for all the fucking money, just the portion that is LEGALLY and RIGHTFULLY hers. and my grandma made her feel so bad about it. even my brothers. even i would get annoyed, but my mom was right the whole time.

and like. its hard not to feel like racism didn't permeate through this whole thing. like my mom is a brown Mexican immigrant, she moved here when she was 19/20. and my grandma is an avid fox news watcher, complains about the border and claims she "doesnt see color" she's racist in that "nice" "polite" subtle New Englander way. lol.

and idk. i just hope she does give me some of the money so i can give it to my mom. but if the paper work was once again some how faulty, then i have no interest in handing the property over to her. i never would have if i just really knew what was going on. she made it sound like i had no other choice, that this was the ONLY way to sell the house. she made my mom feel awful like this was all her fault. and for what? for some more money? to uphold her comfortable white life? lmao. this whole thing makes me feel so strange and weird and a little sick. i keep crying cause like. idk.

is this something a grandma would do? is this something your grandma would do to you? would your grandma, knowing that you are poor, knowing your mom is poor, refuse to help you? knowing that she could help you? is this something grandmas do? Am i being insane? am i being irrational? is my anger and sadness irrational? and im blowing this all out of proportion? cause sometimes i feel like maybe i am. and then i sit with this for a while and start to cry.

like i thought families are supposed to help each other out, pool their resources together, be there for each other. i thought. i dont know. i just hope that she keeps her promise. its not gonna be the money im actually owed, im sure, but anything would help right now. but that doesnt change that none of this needed to happen. my mom shouldnt have to suffer the way she has been. i just feel so strange and awful all the time. and im sure the next time i see her im just gonna smile and pretend im not nearly as hurt as i am.

you know she's my only living grandparent? and she did house me for 2 years. like i do think she loves me but i cant help but feels there's some unconscious bias in the back of her head that sees me in some aspect differently than her other fully white grandchildren. its hard not to think this after everything. and i keep crying every night.

anyways this post is so fucking long and i dont think a single person is reading this whole thing. i just needed to type it out. i have literally no one to talk about this with. and i dont. i dont really know what to think or how to feel. its just a bit overwhelming. i dont feel like im really family...but also maybe im being ridiculous. idk.

[baby-yaga]

my dad died. march 17th, st patricks day.

i went to the hospital. i saw him, but hed already gone. my family was there, including my mom. she was working that night and stayed with my grammy and puca, uncles, aunt, and his ex-wife/current girlfriend.

weve been doing funeral arrangements. looking for pictures for the memorial. i picked out his coffin. he wanted to be cremated, and my brother and i wanted that as well, but his parents wanted a christian burial.

my mom and maternal grandparents made food to take to my other grandparents. i choose a flower arrangement.

i looked at pictures of him from before he and my mom divorced. i chose pictures where he looked handsome, or like he was having fun. i chose pictures where he was making silly faces and annoying my mother. or me.

i thought about how these photos are all i have of him now. i took every single one i could find, even if it just had his foot or hand in it.

i thought about how he was supposed to go through a parent dying before me. i thought about how he was supposed to show me what to do by example. my mom said, "theyre going through something i never have."

in a way, i feel like im planning a party. like a retirement, or a birthday, or an anniversary. ive cried dozens of times, for hours, but i still dont feel like hes gone. i keep wandering from place to place, because thats where im needed, and i keep making choices, because thats what im needed for, but i cant really feel like hes dead. i guess i dont know what thats like. ive never experienced a death of this magnitude before.

no one told me how to handle his death. everyone loved him. he was known for his intelligence, his sense of humor, his love of music and movies. he was adored by everyone who knew him, except for his 3 children. wed all more or less accepted that he was a shitty father years ago.

some people are born to be parents. i think my dad was born to be a fun uncle. my cousins apparently used to tell my brother he was so lucky to have him as a dad.

i loved him, and everything is different now.

i hated him, and nothing has changed.

im relieved. i dont regret a thing.

i feel like my hearts been carved out and i miss him.

ive always missed and not missed my dad. loved and hated him. accepted his absense in my life, and wished hed be my dad again.

i suspect my family will think i regret not seeing him more, or patching things up, but i dont. we had the relationship we agreed to have. but god, i wish it didnt have to be that way. i wish he wasnt dead. i dont want him to be. there were times where i thought it would be easier if he was. its not though. i wish he had agency in his absense from my life.