not-the-grave

[not-the-grave]

just found this and now i’m googling self lobotomy

[not-the-grave]

[not-the-grave]

so. bad news. we have to keep going tomorrow. good news is that I’ll keep going with you

[not-the-grave]

[not-the-grave]

It doesn’t happen like that. You don’t just wake up one day and find that everything has worked itself out. You must get out of bed, morning after morning, and make a conscious effort to control the circumstances of that given day. You must learn to handle your issues with grace because you respect what they are attempting to teach you. You must drown your insecurities slowly, one self-realization at a time. You must allow yourself to feel the fear bubbling just beneath your skin but you must never allow it the satisfaction of crippling you; grit your teeth and march on. You see, they never tell you how hard these things will be. This fight to reclaim yourself is not easy or straightforward but, my god, is it necessary. 

[not-the-grave]

"everybody hates me" factoid actually just a statistical error. The average person doesn't hate you, especially not your friends. You, a person who sits in your room experiencing self loathing every day, are an outlier adn should not have been counted.

[not-the-grave]

[not-the-grave]

NOVEMBER 2023 (I loved you completely, and you loved me the same. The rest is confetti.)

Louise Glück / Eli McMullen / Caitlyn Siehl / Cheryl Strayed / Guimi You / Molly Fisk / Sara Teasdale / Vahan Teryan / Madeleine Jubilee Saito / Mary Oliver / Marya Hornbacher / Zheng Wei Gu / Victor Frankl / Mine / Weyes Blood photographed by Neil Krug / Victoria Chung / Mine / Marie Howe / Marion Sonet / Rosanna Warren

[not-the-grave]

it's rotten work, but without the rot nothing can grow

[not-the-grave]

ten years ago you were so scared of such different things, but you survived them anyway. the same goes for five years ago and two years ago. everything that has ever felt like a hurdle, you’ve passed through. so be afraid, identify your fears, and then allow yourself to remember that in just a little while, this will be another thing that you have overcome.

[not-the-grave]

how it feels knowing life is a cycle and everything will be okay eventually

[not-the-grave]

oh I see. it was the crime of wanting. that's why I deserve it.

[not-the-grave]

i need to learn how to accept the idea of death and live with and eventually recover from my fear of it

[not-the-grave]

[not-the-grave]

for what its worth i still like our old system name

[not-the-grave]

breathing in. breathing out. do not fly to the other extreme. it's so good you're going down the path of recovery but you cannot jump to being in denial and acting like you're a singlet and knee jerk getting very upset as being referred to as plural and flinching at the idea of systemhood related to yourself. you have a system. you have did. to some people you are a system. if they refer to you and your alters and parts the wrong way you must correct them, not run away from all of it. you will be ok. there are many of you and all of them will be okay. we will find the balance. together

[not-the-grave]

holy mother of word vomit