#then i learned the context of the show and became obsessed

[ethereallock]

okay, i’m not gonna lie. the first time i saw camp cretaceous (the clip where ben reunited with brooklynn and kenji in s2), i didn’t know the context of what was happening. my cousins and sister watched it. and my first assumption was that the show was about these kids having dinosaurs like pokémon and that they were their trainers 😭😭 they gave me power ranger vibes LMFAOOOO

[fruitgummies01]

New Here!

As a new fan of BTS and as someone who is curious/intrigued by the dynamic between jikook, I would genuinely love to know how the fans got to the place where it is now with the ships within the fandom. It's so toxic everywhere, and I'm a little shocked to be honest. I thought Are You Sure would be a cute show that the fandom would be excited to watch, but a lot of fans ignored it when the first two episodes were released (which in hindsight was probably for the best). And since the last episode dropped, there's been nothing but fighting.

For context I became a BTS fan in 2023 and so I don't really know all the history of every interaction prior (I'm still learning). I love every member and root for their success both individually and together as a team. As someone who is just learning about everything (I've been obsessively consuming all BTS content), and when it comes to Jimin and Jungkook's connection, I've seen some of the discourse about them online. To be fair I didn't really have an opinion one way or the other, since again I'm pretty new here, I'm trying to take content at face value. But after the first two episodes of Are You Sure, it feels obvious to me that there is an intimacy there between them. Even in episode three, JK can be seen rubbing Jimin's thigh when they are at the table, something that just looked automatic and natural for him to do. From all their earlier conversations in the first two episodes, to taking care of each other since they were both sick, to the concern, to Jungkook's "you're here. finally". Even though they were filming, it all just felt really real and honest. Plus Jungkook saying he wanted the show to go on for years even after they get out of the military, said more to me than anything else. Jungkook values spending time with Jimin and is already looking towards the future, just the two of them.

As for Taekook, it definitely seems to be the more widely accepted ship (I see so many accounts with hundreds of thousands of likes and followers on so many platforms). Plus there are so many taekook comments under pretty much any content related to BTS, even under content from people who are just reacting to BTS content on youtube or patreon. For all intents and purposes Jungkook and Tae seem to have a beautiful friendship, but I just don't see how people romantically ship them (no offense lol). And it's not because I don't see a connection between them, but because I just don't see how it would make much sense, and I'd want so much more for them from a partner lol. Like what would it say about their relationship if Tae was learning about JK traveling with someone else through a schedule on their BTS group chat, or having to basically invite himself, or how the last group live where JK seemed hyper-focused on Jimin (even though he was already planning to enlist with him), or JK watching hours of Jimin specific content on lives, or planning a travel variety show with someone who you were already planning to enlist/spend every day with, or being all over someone else in bed and repeatedly rubbing their legs (bandmate or not). Like no shade, but I feel like romantically shipping Tae and JK is lowkey insulting to them as people, because they both deserve to a be priority to whoever they are in a relationship with. Also a little confused how fans seem to ignore Tae having been in a relationship with Jennie??

All my confusion aside, I am just really looking forward to watching the rest of Are You Sure, and discovering more about them and their dynamic. I love that Tae joined, even if it clearly shifted the dynamic from the first two episodes, and hopefully all the negativity suddenly surrounding the show won't ruin my excitement and love for it.

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Steven Universe: A Complicated Relationship

I’m starting to fall out of love with this show. I used to be obsessed with it and it was important to me as a way of figuring out my gender and sexuality. Yet, my relationship to it has become more complicated as of late. I’ve defended it myself and have been passionate about it, yet seeing the way a lot of stans have acted has kind of ruined it for me especially due to dismissing any criticism. This is not me saying I hate it or think it’s irredeemable Nazi propaganda but not everyone who dislikes it watches Lily Orchard and there are valid things to criticize about it.

There’s definitely bad faith criticism of the show such as flanderizing Steven into a crybaby with those Jack Horner/Hitler memes or claiming it was made to attack Christians but some people do have valid points. The episodes Bismuth and Gem Harvest may have not intended to come off as racist but one could interpret them as forcing people to forgive their abusers or bigoted relatives. As someone who’s Asian and knows about the way we’re represented, the way Priyanka and Doug were portrayed in the early seasons as tiger parents has not aged well.

One other criticism I’ve seen is that the show copies a lot of old sci fi or anime tropes without recognizing the issues with them or removing them from their original context. I and others have compared the show’s ending to the Highbreed arc from Ben 10 Alien Force. The difference is that the Highbreed were treated as supremacists who needed to be stopped, not as abusive family. People can debate over whether they should have gotten more consequences but they were not treated as dorky relatives. The only one Ben befriends was a low ranking officer who became the new leader and convinced the high council to accept having their DNA changed. There’s also the human zoo, another sci fi trope that’s aged badly with the racist implications.

The series is also compared to a lot of anime. There’s references to Ghibli, NGE, Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball and many have compared the show’s idealism to that of magical girl shows like Madoka Magica. The difference is that those shows didn’t use subjects like colonialism as a backdrop for family drama. SW suffers from that as well especially with the rebels only wanting to restore the old liberal system while taking imagery from the Viet Cong. People who wanted a revolution story weren’t necessarily wrong as that’s what the early seasons did set up.

Some will accuse me of fandomizing the war but I’ve noticed a lot of the hardcore stans are white queers who support Israel or demand complete support for democrats. Not saying every SU fan is a bad person btw. There are a lot of decent people who are anti Zionist and like the show but a lot of these pop progressive cartoons as well as SW, Disney and Marvel/DC are used by people with gross beliefs to infantilize themselves and dismiss any criticism from POC fans. If mainstream kids media is where you’re getting your all political takes from then maybe you do need to branch out and watch more mature stuff. Watching NGE helped me grow up a lot and learn nuance.

As a recap, I’m not saying SU is a bad show or that people are bad for liking it. It was important for my own development as well as a lot of lgbt youth and was a jumping point for a lot of my current interests such as classic anime or Lisa Hannigan, who’s an amazing musician and is pro Palestine btw. Future did help me a bit with mental health yet people are allowed to dislike it or find that even if it wasn’t intentional, there are some implications that should be addressed. I don’t hate it and there’s some stuff worth defending in it but it’s not the greatest show ever and people who get all their politics from it need to grow up. Between it, TOH, Dead End and She-Ra, I think a lot of the pop progressive media that we have today will not age well and that’s something we need to accept.

[btstulip]

Wait, what did I just watch?!

When I first became interested in BTS, it was because my Facebook algorithms thought I might be interested in them and kept showing me fun videos. They were not wrong and I got sucked into watching BTS more and more.

As you can imagine, I quickly started getting fed videos of popular ships... mostly Taekook. Being new to BTS (and K-Pop and "ships" for that matter), there were definitely moments that I could admit looked like the actions you might see between romantic partners and it did get me wondering if any of the BTS members might actually be together. But I also knew close friends could sometimes look like a couple to people that don't understand their relationship. I have friends I kiss and cuddle with, but never once did I plan to date them. Add to the fact that I originally assumed some of this was just fanservice, something I no longer believe after much research here on Tumblr convinced me that BTS doesn't participate in traditional fanservice after their early debut stage. I knew it would take a lot to convince me any relationship was more than that of two very close people that cared about each other very much.

So I watched these Taekook and other videos with a lot of skepticism. I dismissed many of these videos right away as just playful people that enjoyed skinship with someone they were close to. But a couple caused me to find longer clips to check context. Most of these looked like nothing when played at full speed, uncut/edited, or with conversation context. And the more I watched of BTS, the more I could see how close and unique each of their relationships were. I loved how much they cared for each other and I wasn't invested in any of these guys having more than the close family relationship I could see they all shared. Still, I was curious if there was something all these fans knew about Tae and Jungkook that I didn't, so I kept looking.

I should add here that I was only days in to my BTS obsession research at this point. I had lost more sleep than I want to admit watching "one more video" for hours at a time desperately trying to answer the next burning curiosity, but still, I had only just started learning about the members of BTS. At this point, I absolutely believe all the BTS members care deeply for each other. They are family and have a bond I don't think any of us can really understand. These are 7 individuals that each share a unique bond with each other and as a whole. I don't think any relationship "competes" with another and each should be honored.

Though I wasn't expecting to be convinced that any of these members were actually dating, my desire to put context to these cute clips I kept seeing made me want to understand their relationships more... especially Tae and Jungkook because my video feed was FULL of these! I often found tumblr posts explaining the moments/relationships that gave me clues and insights about the members that I didn't have yet. The arguments I read for Taekook seemed possible, but I was sure there were similarly convincing arguments for all the ships. So I decided that I had to research the other ships to either prove or disprove that Tae and Jungkook actually had something extra.

I decided to start looking into Jimin and Jungkook. At the time, I just picked that "ship" first. But I am sure it was because I had already noticed how close those two are. Most of the stuff I dismissed, especially anything on stage. But I kept reading and watching "evidence", rinse and repeat. Definitely cute moments, eyebrow raising moments, some super questionable stuff on stage (2018 I am looking at you!), but I saw that stuff with Taekook too. I saw GCF Tokyo mentioned several times, how Jimin and Jungkook went to Tokyo together and Jungkook made a music video. And somehow this was amazing "proof", so I decided I should look that up.

The skeptic I am, I started watching and saw two guys that are very close, on a trip together, having fun. Lyrics talking about being there for each other. So cute! They are so close and this shows how much Jimin's friendship means to Jungkook. I loved it, but I could not understand how this was the ultimate proof everyone accepted. And then, 3 minutes in, when the video was almost over and I had basically decided it was about a beautiful bromance, it happened...

Boy, I'm holdin' onto something Won't let go of you for nothing I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

Eyebrows raises, well that is definitely romantic. And then, seconds later, my brain broke...

There was a time that I was so blue What I got to do to show you? I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

My jaw was on the floor. What did I just watch?!? That wasn't "proof", that was PROOF! There was no way to spin that other than a full on love confession. Did he actually do that? I can't believe any member of a K-pop group would do something so loud that is almost impossible to take any other way, unless you cover both eye and plug your ears!

I needed confirmation. More context. I read blogs all about GCG Tokyo and they delivered. Jikook fans gave me even more details, things I didn't understand because I was a BTS newborn (still a baby, maybe toddler, but growing quickly). Solo trip together on personal time, big deal. Jungkook recorded and edited the video, releasing it only a week later. Wow. Jungkook is a perfectionist that cares about his art and chose the song for a reason. Check. The song is by an openly gay artist? Why are we still discussing this?!

Still, I wanted an outside perspective. One not looking for this video to confirm anything with little context. So I made my sister watch it. Told her it was these two guys went on a trip together and one recorded and made this video. What did she think? "It's a love confession." Two of my kids also agreed... the third is a teenage boy that is horrified that his mom is obsessed spending all her time watching BTS and he refused to see it as anything other than someone saying "you need to be there for me too".

I suppose it's possible this was just about friendship. I suppose I could be wrong. I'm not Jungkook and unless he tells us, I will never know. But unless Jungkook denies it directly, you CAN NOT make me believe that video was anything other than one person telling another that they love them.

Sorry this post is SO LONG! I didn't expect it to be this long, but it was super fun. Thanks for sticking around and reading my TMI. <3

[evvlevie]

❤️‍🔥♥️ LESSONS I NEEDED TO LEARN IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND SHIFTING ♥️❤️‍🔥

Hi, Hello, it’s your favourite shifting blogger Evie again, and I have stuff to tell you 🫂♥️

Here‘s the situation for people who aren’t aware of what I have been up to: My blog has been dead for a quite long amount of time, because I am in university now and I basically decided to focus on the life in this reality for a while instead of my desired one. University can be quite stressful, too which is why I haven’t even been able to think about shifting, so that it eventually lost importance in my life. I wanna be clear that I have not given up on it or that I don’t want to shift anymore, it just wasn’t a priority for the first time in my life since like April.

1️⃣ You always get what you want.

I know I have been preaching this quite often on here, but ever since I haven’t been forcing myself to shift anymore this became very apparent to me. I noticed that if I had a desire, even if I didn’t make it a dominant thought in my head, that it showed up manifesting in my reality no matter what because I was desiring it and I always get what I want. For example: I met a guy here in Uni and we are in a friendgroup. I am not romantically interested in him, but I kinda wanted him to admit that I was his favourite friend out of the group. I tried to manifest him to say these exact words, but instead a situation arose in which he expressed the same message in a different way, that made me realize that his way of wording that same context made me way more content with the situation. Even if I wasn’t trying to make him say what he ended up saying, he said what I didn’t even know I wanted, but I did. I got what I wanted. He never said „you are my favorite“ but instead he said what my true desire actually was. This was a very important thing for me to learn. I needed to be reminded of the fact that I never fail to get my desires met. Even if shifting is one of them. If I want to shift, I will because I always get what I want.

2️⃣ let go

Manifestations come when you let them manifest. Jello only sets hard when you stop wiggling it around. That’s the idea. My desires manifested after I mentioned that I wanted them to myself once. That’s because if you keep telling yourself „why don‘t I have my desire yet“ you are actively living in a reality where your desire isn’t yours. We all knew this fact and it’s nothing new, but right here where I am, the place where I don‘t really have the ability to even think about something else than my studies, my manifestations came the quickest. I am not dwelling in the old story, I am not asking myself where my desires are and I am literally just desiring shit for a minute and it comes flying at me because I even forget I am desiring that stuff. I needed to be reminded that obsessing with your manifestations isn’t what is going to get them faster to you. I needed to be reminded about the fact that the more time I spend in the state of hoping the longer things will take to manifest.

3️⃣ a simple decision is a manifestation

My favorite way of manifesting is deciding. I‘m honest: I love it. I sit in class and I‘m thinking „wouldn’t it be nice to have xyz right now?“ then I remember that I am a fucking boss at manifestation and I go „okay so it’s decided, xyz is mine.“ and that’s how I go about my day. When I catch myself thinking „oh wait I don‘t have xyz“ I always remind my self „oh no wait I‘m silly, I manifested it a minute ago! Stupid me“ and I don‘t mean that in a panicking or self-controlling manner. I know people love to preach about mental diet on here but this always sounds so harsh to me. I literally take it the most lazy and chill way possible. I decide I want something, I decide it’s mine and after that I treat it like it’s mine. Even if you can’t see it in the 3D reality yet, manifestations aren’t little magic spells that might work or might not. They always work 100% so if you just stay consistent with it it always appears. I can’t tell you how many packages have arrived at ridiculous paces to me because I decided I wanted a certain dress to be here on a very specific day. Shipping usually takes 10 days? Not with me, my shit comes in three days because that when I want it here. I decide that I will be able to wear my dress the day I want to, so yes the dress arrives on time, because I say so.

4️⃣ you‘re literally doing it all by yourself

People who are just starting out to manifest and shift are often under the impression that when you‘re manifesting you are requesting something specific from a certain type of outer force. Like you are placing an order with a sketchy website that might or might not deliver your order because it’s that cheap and unusual. I have been reading it and saying it to my own followers all of the time that „you are giving your desires to yourself“ and that „you are shifting yourself left and right and not some outer energy“. But only like two days ago it actually hit me. Everything IS me. You get your desires because you are giving them to yourself, you just have to decide. You get what you want because you obviously know that you want it. That’s exactly why the laws never fail because you obviously won’t cheat yourself. That’s exactly why the laws can’t work against you, because the only energy that has the ability to change and decide shit is you. Why would you ever work against you? That doesn’t even make sense! When you are doubting shifting you are basically ordering yourself not to do it. BECAUSE ITS ALL YOU. But like it’s LITERALLY ONLY YOU. No god, no ominous universe, no power above you. NONE. It’s you or nothing. You literally want to shift yourself, but your doubts are basically you standing in your own way. There is nothing that has to approve your desires other than you. Your subconscious is you. Think of yourself like a sugar daddy. Your consciousness is a sugar baby who really loves nice shiny things and your subconscious is the sugar daddy with all the money that he wants to spend as much as he possibly can. When the sugar Baby asks the sugar daddy for nice shoes he buys them for her. When the sugar baby wants a new lambo he will buy it for her. And when she requests a whole ducking country he will buy it for her. And bestie when you are your own sugar daddy how the fuck can you not get what you request hm? Exactly! You are the sugar baby AND daddy. You are giving everything to yourself constantly. YOU PLACE YOUR ORDER WITH YOURSELF, HOW CAN YOU NOT GET IT?It’s never something else.

So here we are. Evies realizations after I spent time away from obsessing with shifting and manifestations. I don‘t remember who told me that, but since everything is you, you can always find the answers to spiritual questions within yourself. After these 3 weeks of distance I finally figured out how I (and I mean I as in particularly me, because for you shifting and manifestation can work vastly differently) need to approach shifting and manifestation. Spirituality is very very individual. Don‘t force other peoples mindsets on yourself, don‘t apply a mindset you do not resonate with and don‘t take every shifters advice at face value. Different things work in different people. The real answers to all of your questions are within yourself not on tumblr, not on amino and definitely not on tiktok.

I Hope I was able to help you guys today and I really really hope you guys have amazing holidays ❤️❤️❤️

Thank all of you for 700 followers while I am at it! I appreciate every single follower who decided that my content is worth staying for and worth paying attention to. I couldn’t be more thankful for my blog, there is absolutely nothing that fulfills me as much as helping people. Thank you for being my platform and thank you for being a key aspect to my passion. ♥️❤️‍🔥🫂

Yours in every reality,

Evie <3

[dearweirdme]

Thanks for answering my ask! I was this one: https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/755208541848076288/i-saw-your-comment-that-jkk-tumblrs-were

As for the video, I think it shows how close they are and how delighted they are by each other. I’m not sure why you don’t think JK being obsessed with Jimin and them showing up for each others lives doesn’t count? Or Hobi’s going away doesn’t count when Jkk talk about drinking a bunch of whiskey together the night before? How did Jk learn to play Jimin’s song on the guitar…? Jungkook talked about travelling with Jimin on Suchwita and was giddy. Do you not see it too? Maybe you don’t!

As for the not seeing each other during the first part of the year, Jk was very prolific on wlive (just about once every week or two) while Jimin was busy with Face. After JM was done with schedules, JK also became markedly less frequent on wlive. There were people predicting that JK would go live when JM left the country and then he would! It was uncanny. It happened several times in a row.

We have no idea why Jk didn’t go to JM’s shows, but I don’t think we can conclude it was because he didn’t care. He CLEARLY cared about Jimin and his music. Maybe he’s too distracting to Jimin. It truly could be anything, but do you REALLY believe it was because he didn’t GAF? He knew all the words to all of his songs and learned the guitar to play his song and watched every single video and feature JM put out. He cared.

As to the blogs struggling, they only struggled because they were used to being so well fed! Despite the company barely producing any BTS content during that time, there were still so many days when JK or JM (especially JK) would visit us and talk about the other or they’d interact with each other in some way on social media. It wasn’t everyday, but it was way more than any member of BTS talking about any other member of BTS. It was also addicting, if you’re into that kind of content. That’s what the struggle was.

Finally, as for how much any of them saw each other… well besides JK’s conspicuous sudden absence from streaming when JM was not busy, they did film a travel show together. That was quite a few days of being together that we’ll get to see some of soon. They also applied to be in the military together, which is a pretty involved application process. We can’t know for sure, but they probably saw each other quite a bit during that. But also Jimin started boxing again when he was done with Face schedules. Towards the end of the year, he’d come around with bruised up knuckles. Maybe that wasn’t with JK, but it seems like those two DO have a history of working out together a lot so maybe he was! Neither of them tell us when they are hanging out (unlike how open they are when it’s other members), but we do find out in lots of ways that they do hang out outside of BTS activities. I am happy to tell you why JKks know they hang out a LOT even if they never explicitly say it.

And I mean right now, at great personal cost to each, they are sleeping in the same room every night and bringing comfort to the other, non-stop for 18 months. There is that.

Anyway, I have looked at the tumblr you recommended, but it’s not convincing to me. Because I watch all the original content, I can see how the interactions are cherry picked and not nearly enough to be convincing, especially given the original context of whatever moment. You’re my favorite TKk blogger, so I wanted to know if there was anything that was super convincing to you. I hope you don’t block me for talking with you about this, I really am very curious and I do respect that we have different interpretations of what’s happening.

Hi again anon!

Sigh.. look, you are clearly stuck in Jkk think. I know what Jkkrs think (so no please don’t tell me) and you are just repeating everything the bigger blogs are telling you.. unsurprisingly.

This whole ask of your’s is filled with assumptions, romanticizing, and ‘maybe’s’ that you have no way of backing up with actual evidence. I now know you only watch Jkk content (and sure that might be original content) but you don’t watch content of the other members probably… so this conversation is useless. If you don’t understand why all those things I pointed out don’t count, then I am sure you never will.

I’m not sure how we went from me saying Jk and Jm have a great loving friendship to ‘do you really believe he didn’t GAF?’? Obviously they care a lot, they’re besties. My idea of them actually fits the footage you sent me much better than your idea of them, since I have no questions left at all.. while you are left wondering whether Jk might be too distracting to Jm (here I was thinking they’re in the same band…. 🫠).

Be a Jkkr if you want anon, it’s fine with me… you’ll forever be wrong… but still that’s fine by me.

[picturejasper20]

So, i was trying to think of the strange connection that there is between Danny Phantom fans and Steven Universe fans, aside from SU being a show that was very popular on its moment. Like one show is from 20 years ago and the other is from last decade, both with different executions and genres.

...Which lead me to write a whole essay no one asked for, so here you go:

One of the first things that comes to mind is how the main leads are hybrids- Danny Fenton is half human/half ghost, Steven is half human/ half gem. And like both series give an idea that they are pretty unique in their experience as hybrids and they both belong to both worlds yet not fully to either of them.

Danny has a lot of issues with having to hide his part of himself from the world, his parents included. Meanwhile, Steven doesn't understand certain social norms and can feel disconnected from other teens around his age, having lived a somewhat recluded childhood from his peers. (This gets more explored in Future)

Aside from the struggles that being an hybrid it brings to them, they have episodes about learning new powers or learning how to control them. You see them start rather powerless only to become pretty OP on the long run. -Steven getting tired for summoning one shield to being able to do it without sweat-Danny having his powers glitching at the start to gain a power like Ghost Wail later on, etc.

Another thing that Danny and Steven share in common is that they want to help and be useful. In Steven's case, he wants to help people with their problems or "fix" them. Over time Steven starts to define his identity around helping others a little too much to the point that he doesn't know who to be outside of that.

A pretty common headcanon for Danny in the DP fandom is that his ghost obsession is about having to protect everyone he can, something you can see in the series in a way. After Phantom Planet, Danny doesn't know who to be outside being the hero and feels that people don't need him anymore in the context the world having being saved after the series finale. ( A Glitch in Time)

Both try solving problems talking it out if possible, if it is a misunderstanding or they think the antagonist can be reasoned with.

With Steven, he doesn't need an explanation as most people know his personality, for Danny- it depends on the situation and his mood, sometimes being kinder and other times more violent. I would argue again that he still tries to talk things out when he sees that violence isn't necessary -just not the same as Steven

That's not to say their characters are the same, in fact their personalities are pretty different and their ways to approaching problems differs too. They do, however, share some parallels in their character arcs that i already discussed.

Another aspect are the main antagonists, both Steven Universe and Danny Phantom have their antagonists have motivations outside of being evil for the sake of being evil.

In Steven Universe this is a main theme and i don't think it doesn't need much introduction. Antagonists (most Homeworld gems) have been taught and were socialized to act in a specific way in the totalitarian society they were born into. Examples of this are: Peridot, Jasper and Lapis- these motivations can be mixed with revenge or similar things as well.

In Danny Phantom the main antagonists are Vlad Masters/Plasmius and Valerie Gray, both characters who aren't evil by nature and the series leaves clear that their antagonism comes from what happened to them and the decisions they took in result of that.

Vlad Masters role as a villain comes from the insolation and abandonment issues that came from the Ghost portal accident in college caused by Danny's father, Jack Fenton. Vlad became obsessed with getting revenge on Jack and believing he "stole" a family that should have been his.

Valerie comes from her blaming Phantom for (accidentally) ruining her life and trying to get revenge on him, becoming a ghost hunter. Valerie's role is a mix between anti-hero and antagonist since she wants to protect people but opposes Phantom at the same time. Eventually she becomes a bit of a friendenemy to Phantom over the course of the seasons.

Other recurrent antagonists have their own motives to do bad things ( Sidney, Desiree, Ember) while others are more naturally classic evil (Ghost King, Spectra). It depends on the character one is talking about.

Diving more into Vlad Plasmius, both series have this idea of "legacy", as like protagonist having to deal with what their parent/s "left behind for them".

For Steven is a huge deal for him since many of the antagonists who attack him are for things his mother Rose Quartz did, having Steven deal with all this issues and believing he has to fix them, blaming himself for what how Rose hurt people in different ways.

As for Danny, Vlad Masters' antagonism comes from the portal accident caused by Jack, Danny's father, when Vlad, Jack and Maddie (Danny's mom) were still friends in college. In a way Danny has to deal with something that was caused by his father. It isn't something he choose to but yet still brings him a lot of problems to his life.

I'm not sure which character from SU Vlad could be compared to, but i would say that Spinel is the closest one, since Spinel was abandoned by Rose Quartz (as Pink Diamond), who was her best friend, similar to what supposely happened between Vlad and Jack after the ghost portal accident.

Other theme is the idea of redemption, or how you can be your worst own enemy. As i mentioned, antagonists in SU usually get redemmed and change their ways from the systematic ideas they were raised in. There is this idea that people have the capacity to change if they propose themselves to.

In Steven Universe Future, Steven is "his worst enemy" as he has to deal with his own demons he has been avoiding for years for trying to repress them or being too busy helping other people. He goes through a negative corruption arc because of this, ending with him realizing that he can't hiding his issues and needs help with them.

In the Danny Phantom series, this is very important theme in "The Ultimate Enemy", where Danny is confronted by the possible evil future version of himself, called Dan Phantom in the DP fandom. Danny battles against this version of himself and tries to fix his mistake, proving that he can avoid that future from happening.

Danny also meets Vlad Masters in the dark future timeline in this special, who regrets his actions after so many years passed and how he accidentally helped with creating Dan in that timeline.

A Glitch in Time expands on this theme further by exploring Vlad and Dan's motivations a lot more and giving them second chances. The novel itself shares parallels with Steven Universe and SU Future in multiple ways.

Back to Dan Phantom, he shares quite a lot of things in common with Malachite to the point people have pointed out these parallels.

In Steven Universe, gems can fuse with other, creating more powerful gems. A fusion's personality and manners are determined by the relationship the partipants in the fusion have and a combination of their personalities.

Malachite is the fusion between Lapis Lazuli and Jasper, two characters who hated each other and carried lots of personal issues the moment they fused, resulting in a fusion that is unstable. Malachite represents the toxic codependent relationship between the two characters.

Dan Phantom is the fusion between Danny and Vlad's ghost halves, Phantom and Plasmius. Dan was created in a timeline both Danny and Vlad had a lot of issues, with Danny having to deal the lost of his family and being left traumatized. All this trauma along with Vlad's mental state went to Dan, turning him into a destructive ghost.

These are the elements i see that Danny Phantom and Steven Universe series share in common to explain why fandoms often overlap, i'm not sure if there are more that i'm not able to recall at the moment.

[thoughtspresso]

Hello, sorry I just need someone to voice my op to since none of my circles read or watch OnK :'(

It's so weird to me how Akane's fans interpret that scene when the girls are filming an MV as Akane only having good intention and care for Kana, 'cuz imo even if there is, what she said was still one of her attemps to get Aqua to stay with her. Look at how things played out to her: her business bf wanted to break up, he even straight up refused sex when she offered, and now she found out that right after that he took Kana on to a proper date, Akane's chances were close to zero. She was grasping at straws when she said that and played it under the guise of being considerate about Kana's safety, just like how she said she's okay with breaking up with him yet cried - showing that she wanted the opposite. Because if she only cared about Kana's safety, then what's with the side comment about how actors have it easier? It's like she was saying "Choose me, I'm the safer choice!". I'm not saying Akane didn't have good intention, but it's more like a two bird one stone typa thing where she wanted Kana to be safe and Aqua to continue with dating her (her own selfish want). It was kinda a dirty move from Akane, consider how she knows very well what happened to Ai and how much that'll affects Aqua. Akane always strike me as a good in nature yet also self-absorbed character: She decided what's best for both Kana and Aqua that also benefits her selfish wants regardless of how the other two would feel (& we all know how miserable both Aqua and Kana was during that ghosting period); She decided what to do to Aqua's father without thinking about how he might feel (again); The signs were as early as the LoveNow arc where she tweeted the apology thinking it was the right solution without consulting with her manager first because she thought she knew what was best for her to do in that situation. Even her acting method also kinda reflect this, where if the character's portrayal clashes between her and the director/scriptwriter, she already has a concrete image of the character from her own interpretation and thus has difficulty compromising and adjusting with the production team.

I might even take a wild guess that she was in love (obsessed) with the idea of saving prince charming rather than Aqua himself because to her, their story literally went/was gonna go like the old classic story of prince charming saving the girl -> the girl learns about the prince's past, decides to help him to repay him saving her -> prince charming defeats the bad guy (his dad in this story) with the girl's help -> happily ever after. Akane being a teen + Aqua saved her + it's her first dating experience caused her to have an idealistic view of dating and probably why she tolerated Aqua dating her despite having his eyes on Kana for he did act like the perfect bf on the surface, and that to her was enough to fulfil her prince charming fantasy. Akane is, actually, not that mature in her relationship with Aqua like how her fan keep praising her for, tbh imo it's more akin to what teens think "being mature" is. I know this is one of the appeal of her ship with Aqua, even though some might deny it. As oppose to Kana who might be a potential obstacle to Aqua's revenge whether good or bad, Akane is narratively there as a bonus reward for Aqua after finishing the main quest of avenging his mom if the ship ever be canon again. Akane and Aqua have unfortunately became perfect self-inserts for those who are into revenge and/or trophy girl fantasy (nothing bad about this itself tho). But perhaps because of looking into those fantasy fulfilment rather than the actual context of the manga/anime, they accuse Kana of not understanding the "real" Aqua (I have alot to say about this, maybe 3 paragraphs at least lol) or how she's useless for not helping him kill a person and ignore the entire other half chunk of the story about showbiz problems, where Kana's own story entangle more.

If you've read this far, thank you so so much.

P/s: My wild guess no.2, rather than being a damsel in distress (being Kamiki's target) for Aqua to come rescue, Kana already has a close relationship with Kamiki prior to reuniting with the twins (maybe a mentor-student relationship?). I've always find it weird how Aka just glossed over Kana's past, like he's holding back important info regarding her past that he can't show the readers too soon. So that's why I have this guess. This explains why Aka's been keeping her out of the revenge plot for so long + better than Kana just being a damsel in distress + raises the stakes for Kana (will she choses the mentor who helped her through her dark days being abused by her mom or the twins who she can see the light and bright future in?) + makes Kana a key player in the revenge plot.

Hey Anon! I'm happy to talk to you about some OnK Character Analyses anytime. Sorry to have taken so long to respond, I really wanted to sit down with your question. I've been thinking about this a lot. And I'm afraid my response might be even longer than your ask hahaha!

I want to summarize your main points for everybody else, so that we're all on the same page:

Akane was manipulative when she reminded Aqua that Kana was an idol, and pushed him to choosing her.

Akane wants to reverse the damsel-in-distress and Prince Charming trope, and decides on behalf of others.

Akane fans accuse Kana for not knowing the "real" Aqua

(Bonus) There's a possibility that Kana already knew Hikaru Kamiki.

So, my responses:

#1 Was Akane being manipulative in Ch. 76?

Well, yes. And no.

I actually had a short discussion (argument?) with Skania (who I will not tag for the sake of their mental health, but mentioning here to credit them.) about this very topic. (And I want to thank them for their time and also apologize to have annoyed them!) We have really different interpretations and disagree each other on this part.

To get the fast answer out of the way: Yes, I believe Akane was wholly aware of what she was saying.

She already knew from the Tokyo Blade arc how badly Aqua can get triggered on the topic of Ai's death.

Put it this way: imagine being a teenage girl who was depressed or bullied, and the boy who saved your life started dating you but admits that it isn't because he likes you that way. You start offering him sex if that would fulfill his wants in a relationship, but he tells you that your relationship is about to end soon. You find out from another girl that they went on a date--shopping for suitcases and Brazilian barbecue--a kind of date he never did for you. Then when he invited you to go on a trip, most of what he did was walk you around his hometown to look for something else, and then watch this other girl be really cute in a dress he was stunned by.

Akane is allowed to be a teenager who would want to nudge her boyfriend to stay with her and away from his other crush.

Akane fans like to argue that she was being completely selfless, and was just looking out for Kana's safety too.

I really dislike this reading of Akane's character, because it strips her of agency. Of course she has personal goals, wants, and flaws. She's allowed to be a teenage girl who wanted her love to be reciprocated. She's allowed to be a teenage girl who gets a little jealous, and try as she might to be professional and civil because all of these people are her work colleagues too, she still does things that fulfill her goals. She is allowed to be self-interested, and act on opportunities that align with those self interests.

I also think that if Akane's fans want to believe in her intellect and her masterful ability in understanding people's psychology and detective work, then it stands to reason that they should also believe that Akane was deliberately aware of the effect of what she said to Aqua. She doesn't always make 100% correct bets, but it's reasonable to conclude she made this bet hoping that it could get him to stay.

Akane and everyone else is already aware that Kana is actually not a person who needs scolding on the dangers of being under public scrutiny:

Under any normal circumstance, if Akane simply cared for Kana's safety, she would have simply responded to Kana when she was bragging about the date. Like, "hey be careful about dating in public spaces okay? I dont want you getting in trouble." Or, if she would talk to Aqua about it, she might say, "Please remember to book a private room next time you eat in a restaurant."

But no. If Akane would remind them of safety tips of dating as public figures, it would just lead them to the advice to do Home Dates:

And she doesn't want that now, does she?

She didn't say something as straightforward as that, and neither did the author write it in a more neutral tone. It was deliberately written with Akane implying that if he didn't want Kana killed, he should just date a fellow actor. (Preferably one that the public is actually cheering on to be together, because they were already in a Love Team due to the show.)

I just don't like ignoring what the Author and the Illustrator clearly put on the page for me to absorb the way that it was. I think pretending she was being wholly selfless is an insult to the writers.

#2 Is Akane motivated by the want to Save Prince Charming?

This is the "and no" part of my answer.

When I think of Akane, I don't think of an outright evil person who manipulated Aqua into doing things, wanting to be a hero for that reason. And just like how Tokyo Blade serves as a parallel for the show, it in turn informs us that it is an incorrect interpretation of Saya-hime (or Akane) to think that she outright wants the violence herself.

This part I agree with Skania on: Akane's main flaw is her low self-esteem.

Akane doesn't personally believe that she is inherently worth any value, and any value that she holds is attributed to her hard work.

People have taken notice to the fact that, unlike Kana's experience of abuse and abandonment, Akane had a really good support system behind her when her suicide attempt happened during the LoveNow arc. She had a loving mother and a really kind-hearted manager that believed in her. Yet she clung onto the validation from the agency President more. She ascribes her personal value to the approval of other people, especially positive feedback from her superiors in the industry, her theater troupe calling her a genius, her fans applauding her.

And, on the opposite side of the same coin, she has immense Rejection Sensitivity that makes her extremely defensive when she received cyberbullying, leading her to want to make a public apology right away and appease people.

This leads Akane to be an extremely hardworking person, but also seeking validation and direction from other people (like the LoveNow crew), unable to voice out her views unless it is supported by an authority figure (like when she wanted something changed in Tokyo Blade), and also why when meeting her personal hero and idol Arima Kana in person, when Kana lashed out at her, instead of simply thinking, "okay she's a terrible person, I'm done with being her fan forever", she rejected that idea and went on to study Psychology in the hopes of understanding people like Kana.

All of this manifests in her relationship with Aqua being okay with receiving bare minimum from him, not complaining when she realizes he has feelings for someone else, and also doing anything and everything for him, whatever he needs whether he asks for it or not.

I'll go a little further into my interpretation of her (which I know Akane fans might be resistant to or disagree with, but I hope you stick with me here.)

I also think Akane has a co-dependency on Aqua, and herself has Inverted Narcissism, with Covert and Cerebral Subtypes.

I agree! I sound nuts! This interpretation is crazytown.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has several subtypes, including Inverted Narcissism, which is a subtype where the person craves the co-dependency on another narcissist. They are self-sacrificing to their primary narcissist, feel they are not entitled to anything, but seem emotionally level-headed and highly attuned to the primary narcissist's needs but not much empathy for anybody else.

Because of how little they think of themselves, it gives them a feeling of power and control to be with a person who believes himself to be so special, to have a crucial mission whose victory she can partake in. In a sense, Aqua was someone Akane looked up to so much for having saved her from her suicide attempt, and for turning the public's view of her from negative to overwhelmingly popular.

Akane definitely thought, "I want to be useful to him! I want to make him happy!"

And this man had his own amazing detective mission going on in his mind and trauma to solve. And so Akane thinks, "Let me solve that for you! Let me be useful to you even if it kills me! Use me as you need!"

They say true love is unconditional and self-giving so I will aide my enabler in patricide to prove my worth to him!

According to Professor of Psychology Sam Vaknin, the DSM gives us 9 criteria to diagnose an Inverted Narcissist, and you need to have at least 5 to qualify. Here are some that he mentioned that I think fit Akane:

The inverted narcissist is emotionally stable, but her self-esteem is very low. The inverted narcissist devalues herself as an offering, as a sacrifice to the narcissist in her life. The inverted narcissist is compelled to filter all her narcissistic needs through the primary narcissist in her life. The inverted narcissist feels amplified by the primary narcissist's own accomplishments. The inverted narcissist is pre-occupied with fantasies [...] of an ideal love to be accomplished through the narcissistic partner.

The inverted narcissist feels like she is undeserving and not entitled to anything.

The inverted narcissist is indistinguishably selfless. She is sacrificial. She is anxious in her interpersonal relationships. She avoids assistance of others at all cost. She can only interact with others when she can be seen to be giving, supporting and expending an unusual effort to assist. So she is sacrificial, she sacrifices herself, but ostentatiously, in full view.

The inverted narcissist lacks empathy like a classic narcissist. She is intensely attuned to others needs, but only insofar as it relates to her own need to perform the required self sacrifice. She needs to self sacrifice in order to obtain her narcissistic supply from her primary narcissist. But to do so, she must be attuned to his needs. So this is her restricted use or leverage of empathy.

The inverted narcissist displays extreme shyness, lack of any real relational connections, is publicly self-effacing, is highly moralistic and critical of others, is a perfectionist, engages in lengthy ritualistic behaviors that can never be perfected.

I also mentioned that Akane has Cerebral subtype, in that she believes she has superior intellect, and the Covert subtype, where she seems altruistic and selfless on the outside but internally she is driven by a self-serving need to be useful, to be wanted, because she chases after this external validation to fill in the gaps of her own self-esteem and call to perfectionism.

There is room to argue that Aqua is actually the inverted narcissist and she's codependent on Akane who is the altruistic/communal narcissist subtype. I reviewed it, but it seems she's the codependent one in this scenario.

I think this answer entails that Aqua himself also has NPD, and I think he does have Vulnerable Narcissism with Cerebral subtype. Kana actually picked up on it pretty well:

He does tend to think that he is the sole person who can accomplish this mission of revenge, even though it took him 4 years to crack a passcode and he actually didn't solve anything himself. Like, ever.

He thinks that he has some superior ability to read people and manipulate them (and it's not necessarily true, he just believes so).

And he likes bringing it up out loud a lot, like I used you, or haha she's so easy to manipulate, regardless if he actually did anything.

When Ruby points out he hasn't made any friends, Aqua deflects and becomes defensive.

He also initially thought that he was going to make it big as an actor after the one time he did well as a child, and entreated Gotanda to take him in, but when his PTSD was getting in the way of his acting, he just chalked it up to saying no actually I was never talented in that, because he doesn't want to admit to others that he doesn't have the supernatural inhumane acting skills he thought he did. (Note: He's not comfortable showing those old acting videos to Kana, but is okay with showing it to Akane for this reason.)

He truly believes he's everybody's savior. Unprompted he just thinks he's some main character that caused everybody's suffering. His Behavioral Self-Blame (BSB) about the death of both of his mothers is a manifestation of his wish for control over the situation, which is a known coping mechanism for those with PTSD or Major Depression Disorder (MDD)

Vulnerable NPD subtypes also feel uncomfortable being praised, which is why he reacts that way with Kana.

Vulnerable NPD subtypes also hate being asked to compete, which is why during both LoveNow and Tokyo Blade arcs, he keeps out of the way.

Vulnerable NPD subtypes really really hate rejection, and that's why Aqua says that he can't confront Kana without a Pieyon mask because he's too weak to be shot down by her again.

Vulnerable NPD subtypes are quite anti-social, but again if you confront them about it, they'll just deflect you and say things like they had no intentions to make friends or they're busy observing or something like this.

I mean, look at this dumbass intellectualize having feelings for girls his age like Akane and Kana:

Kana gets it though:

ONLY A NARCISSIST WOULD (half-joke)

This is of course a reminder that people with NPD aren't inherently bad people, they also don't come in one shape or form as there are many subtypes, and they can swing in severity. Most of them are a by-product of either a traumatic childhood or an overly doting one. Akane and Aqua just simply happened to be both of these.

I just came to this interpretation when I kept thinking of why was it that it felt like both Akane and Aqua were using each other. They both felt miserable and yet felt necessary and dependent on each other's emotional comfort. They both lie to each other too. I think a lot of people have picked up on the "feeling" that the two are using, manipulating, abusing each other, there's something dysfunctional about them together, and yet they also genuinely care about each other a lot. And people couldn't pick the right words to describe that. Co-dependents and their primary narcissists can heal together into a healthy relationship, they don't have to stay that way forever. But for the most part, nobody really recognizes that that's what was happening, because the dance they do together looks completely synchronized as a relationship. Who ever says no to a sweet and completely self-giving girlfriend? Who would leave their boyfriend to die alone in a revenge plot?

ONLY A NARCISSIST WOULD (not joking)

#3 Does Kana know the real Aqua:

I think a lot of Akane fans love to cite that Akane knew about the revenge, the trauma, the using, the manipulation etc. She also knows what he's like when he's being silly and playful.

And I don't deny that Aqua and Akane cared for each other.

But I also think that Kana knew Aqua even when he was being unpleasant, making crude jokes about her when they were kids. Kana observes Aqua's acting meticulously and understands the fine details of his style. Kana also has actual conversations with him about his interests too. They read the same books and they jog together, and they're very comfortable arguing with each other about anything.

Most of all, of anybody, only Kana has pointed out that Aqua has chuunibyou/grandiose thinking, narcissistic tendencies, and that Ruby has a co-dependent relationship with him (even when she didn't know about their past as Sarina and Gorou, she just picked it up as the core reason for their clinginess).

#4 [Bonus] Does Kana know Kamiki?

I don't think so.

When Kamiki opened his production company/agency, Kana would have been about 11yo. It was around this time that she had been recording Full Moon and her other songs, and her career had been on a decline. Then her company left her and she started freelancing instead.

Kana's acting style is also diametrically opposed to Kamiki's acting. Which as Akane has pointed out is similar to Ai's acting style. Kana's acting is very emotionally honest and is rooted in her personal understanding of her own emotions, whereas Kamiki and Ai act to deceive others based on the calculated perception they know the audience wants of them. Given this, it's unlikely that Kamiki mentored her in any form.

Lastly, I think Kana would have been the first person to point out that Kamiki looks like Aqua if they knew each other, even if he was acting as the Miki-san persona.

But I did joke before that I think if Kana and Kamiki met each other, they'd just traumabond and be friends until the cops haul Kamiki away. And that'd be the funniest thing ever.

That's it! That was a very long rant. Thanks for the question.

[stemms]

Hello, guys. I’m sorry for being inactive in terms of original content lately, but I’m back, and right now I would like to give you an important update.

I’d briefly mentioned my abusive familial situation in the past, but I never really went into details. However, I’d like to share more context now, as it is directly related to the reason for my sudden disappearance.

I’ve been trapped in an abusive situation for the past seven years, and the longer I stayed in this household, the worse it became. While the abuse was mostly psychological, it escalated to the point where one of my abusers nearly choked me to death. I will elaborate on that incident after giving you some context.

My abusers are my mother and stepfather, with the latter causing me more harm. He tends to always blame me for everything, invent more and more nonsensical rules for me to follow (and randomly abandoning some, only to come up with something else) and get mad if I don’t learn them by heart the moment he introduces them (which happens because of my horrible memory that his abuse worsened). He always expected me to reach out to him if I needed emotional support, but when I was actually struggling mentally, he either preferred to ignore it or cut off the internet because “it was obviously the reason”. Additionally, he’d always get mad at me over the stupidest things ever and use it as an excuse to yell at me for 2 hours. Also, fun fact: some of my top posts are heavily inspired by something he did to me (: (: (: My mother isn’t better because she watched every single time he was abusing me, but never really tried to stop him. Yet, when I tried to confront her about his behaviour and explain that this is literal abuse, she’d gaslight me into thinking it’s normal, and it could’ve been worse, so I’m lucky and he “has good intentions anyway”. She’s also extremely controlling, manipulative, and obsessed with the idea of moulding me into the person she never got to be, as well as always keeping me around.

Since I’ve been dealing with this kind of behaviour for so long, my mental health seriously deteriorated. My hands are always shaky, I flinch whenever my stepfather enters the room, I tremble if he comes too close, I flinch if he touches me, I’m horrified of maintaining eye contact with him, I’m always in the fight or flight mode, I overanalyse his behaviour and always make sure to do anything I can (even if it's humiliating) to ensure that he doesn't hurt me again. Recently, I started going to therapy and taking medication, and it's been very helpful so far.

Although things weren’t perfect already, I didn’t expect my life to be threatened. A while ago, I was having an argument with my transphobic mother about my identity, and after it was over, we had dinner. During the argument, my stepfather wasn’t home, so he was unaware of it, but he noticed the tense atmosphere, and it infuriated him to the point where he went to the kitchen to do the dishes instead of eating with us. I had a feeling that he thought it was my fault, so I followed him to reassure him that my mother’s state wasn’t his fault, and it was just a small argument between us (which was literally true), but he started shouting at me because he assumed I was accusing him of something???? I tried to reassure him some more, and then he lashed out at me and said lots of transphobic shit. After that, he grabbed me, pushed me to the floor and got on top of me, pressing me harder and harder to the floor, started choking me so hard that I could barely breathe, so I bit him, and he continued to choke me and pull my hair. I messaged my English Literature teacher and she called the police. We were interrogated and although my mom told me to downplay it, I was too scared to do so and told them everything, plus showed them the pictures of my bruises.

After that, I couldn’t look at any c!Prime content for a while because it suddenly felt triggering, so I just needed to take a break from my blog and work on my mental health for a while. But right now, I'm doing better and I’m feeling more comfortable about c!Prime again, so I should be able to make more content soon. I must admit, I'm not that hyperfixated on it at the moment, but I’m definitely going to do more c!Prime content soon because these freaks are too fun :)

[millipedish]

On wembling, convincing, fawning, and the antichrist? A Convincing John deep dive.

I wrote this over the course of a week, trying to sort through 13 years of obsession. Why is Convincing John my favorite character, anyway? Content warning for talk of organized religion, a subject I try to stay neutral on. While my experiences with church are mostly negative, someone I know values it because of the community it gives him, while still criticizing the same things I do about organized religion. I'm trying to come to this with that point of view.

In 2011 I was out of college and employed on the weekends. There was a new channel on TV called The Hub. Essentially it was created by Hasbro to market its toys right into the brains of little kids with shows based on its properties, but it also had a number of reruns of old shit, particularly, including a big chunk of the Henson catalog. I think this is where my adult interest in Henson began. There were no muppets, of course, that was Disney, but there was a lot of the weirder, experimental stuff that no one talks about. Like Good Boy!. Does anyone remember Good Boy!(2003)? It’s a. It’s definitely a movie.

While other nerds my age were discovering My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, I was watching Fraggle Rock in syndication. It immediately drew me in with its sets. Mossy caves with rainbow lighting were beautiful but also a little unnerving. Unknown creatures would bounce and slither in the background- nothing to do with the action, they were just there. It was contemplative and mysterious.

Then suddenly a girl was alone in a cage, singing about rivers and sunlight and her desire for freedom. That song had me totally enraptured. That’s the moment I became a lifelong Fraggle Rock fan.

I went on youtube and I looked up the song just to hear it again and to confirm that it was as good as I thought it was. Then I was down a rabbit hole watching more videos from the show and absorbing more songs. 

And that’s how I first stumbled upon this rat preacher guy singing about human beings and doozer towers. Comments sections could not be turned off back then, and I scrolled down to see some weird comment about the character’s initials. Keep in mind that that particular upload has been deleted and the comment has been lost to the void, but it was something like this:

Convincing John is JC reversed, the reverse of Jesus Christ! Convincing John is the antichrist! Or at least that’s what those crazy 80s parents groups said about Jim Henson’s character back in the day. Those silly conservatives! But what if Jim had a message with this character? Makes you think, doesn’t it?

For the record, there is nothing to back that up. Not even anything about conservatives getting mad at the show for John’s character. I checked with the people who know. But, put a pin in that idea. 

Mokey(AKA, the girl in the cage) was my favorite at first! I loved her singing voice, and I loved her complexity. Calm, but insecure. Generous, but vain. Pacifistic, but spiteful. Because she was my favorite, I wanted to see all the episodes about her, so naturally I learned the context of that Convincing John song. 

And I tell you, the way Fraggle Rock introduced him was effective. For context, this is the episode where Mokey is trying to convince the fraggles to stop eating doozer towers. Frustrated that she can’t change their habits, Mokey declares that she’ll ask Convincing John for help, and when she mentions him, there’s a musical sting and her friends gasp.

The next two minutes are spent hyping up this character. “He can convince the rocks to change color” “he’s the type of fraggle no one goes to see”. We don’t even see Mokey talk to him, but we see what he’s done to her: he’s convinced her to wear plastic cups on her hands, and he’s convinced Red to walk around blindfolded. This is a fraggle, not a gorg or a poison cackler. He has the ability to make the girls make decisions that are clearly not in their best interest. Is getting him to change the will of their whole community really a good idea? It feels like making a deal with the devil. Even Mokey calling him a ‘nice man’ makes him seem more ominous. 

If he has that kind of power, what kind of person is he? I mean, yeah, I’d already seen the song, but putting myself in the shoes of someone watching this chronologically. Two thirds of the episode in and he finally shows up, and he’s just about the ugliest fraggle you’ve ever met! I mean that affectionately. He has a cheap suit, and teeth! Teeth built right onto the puppet! They resemble that time Kermit had teeth but not quite as bad. He proceeds to sing his very upbeat, very silly song, which does indeed change everyone’s minds. 

John was played by Jim Henson himself, along with Cantus the minstrel, and they were very much based on the facets of his personality- the hippie and the salesman. 

In The Preachification of Convincing John, John himself is more of a force than a character. We, the audience, always see him when he’s performing, even though we know Mokey talks to him in more private moments. That would change in season 2, episode 14, The Secret of Convincing John.

When his name is brought up, it’s only Boober who seems to display the same amount of fear as he inspired in Preachification. Gobo sounds in awe of the man, but he has other things to take care of. Boober is dreading the experience, and asks Wembley along, but Wembley already made other plans with Gobo. We’ll later see that it was Red who summoned him to make her community wear clown noses, and Mokey is along for the ride. I have to say, of all the fraggles, I’m most surprised that Mokey has not learned her lesson about John. 

But then again, this showing seems to have lower stakes. The Clown Concierto is a party song, and John will only be singing one verse. The Fragglettes exposit that one verse makes for a temporary convincing, ‘perfect for pajama parties’. So this is kind of like a temporary, group hypnosis. Mokey seems enamored with the idea of ‘wearing the nose, and believing in it’.

When Wembley sees Boober, of all people, wearing a clown nose, he resolves to have Convincing John convince him to stop wembling, and this is where the danger comes back to the situation. Making people wear clown noses for a pajama party is one thing, but changing your personality? So it seems like the fraggles fear isn’t so much for John himself but the way he uses his powers. 

When the Fragglettes speak to Wembley, they once again bring up the number of verses. One verse will make him a little confident, two verses will make him totally confident in public but still have doubts in private, and three verses will make him arrogant. But the choice doesn’t matter to Wembley because, in true Wembley fashion, he does not choose the treatment for himself. But this time it’s not his fault: Convincing John leaps in and starts singing over him.

John gets through two verses before Wembley stops him and the Fragglettes, and rather rudely, too. Now his voice is brassier. He says he doesn’t need John’s services anymore. When he returns to his friends, he informs them he changed his name, and starts ordering them around. He’s so definite that his friends dislike him and they think he’s going to hurt himself. It seems John’s convincing worked VERY well on him. Put in a pin in that, also.

His friends force Wembley to see John again to reverse the damage, but this is where the secret comes in. Because they catch John in the middle of a song- a song about his own wembling! It seems John’s choice paralysis is even worse than Wembley’s. And honestly? This is the moment John became my favorite rock character. These twenty minutes of television changed the course of my life forever.

Gobo and the others are surprised by this, naturally. John says that wembling is the secret to his success, although the way he delivers it it sounds like bullshitting. But I tend to think that there’s something to that! 

Let’s look at Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock, Season 1, episode 10, Wembley the Spokesfraggle. The doozers make towers using a material that tastes horrible to the fraggles, and they simply aren’t touching them. An advertising specialist named Jack Hammer says they need a spokesfraggle for their cause, and when he sees Wembling wembling, he chooses him. Wembley goes to become, dare I say it, very convincing as he sings the praises of the weird, pink sticks. It could very much be that Jack sees Wembley as someone easy to mold, but Wembley really does become a good spokesfraggle. 

This arc very much feels like a shoutout to Convincing John. Wembley gets a tie and three backup singers to go with his new role. His friends even deny that someone as charismatic as he has become could still be a wembler. Remind you of anyone? I also love that this is about people to convince people to eat the towers instead of to stop eating them.

So here’s where I get into my theory. I feel like wemblers are just sort of, kind of different fraggles. They are easier to convince, at least initially. In The Secret of Convincing John, Wembley became a jerk after only two verses of John’s song- something that was not meant to happen. In the Wembley the Spokesfraggle universe, Wembley was easily molded into what Jack Hammer wanted him to be. But as soon as Cotterpin told him what the fraggles were really doing with the sticks, he had his doubts.

You might ask for an example of it happening for John, and I would argue that every time we’ve seen John so far he’s been susceptible. You’ll notice, we haven’t seen him so ‘no’ to a convincing job, no matter how disastrous the results might be. More on that, later.

So Wemblers are easily swayed, but they are also particularly compelling speakers. Now, I do have to mention that in Wembley the Spokesfraggle, people seem to particularly trust him because of his reputation. He’s known for his honesty and the careful way he goes about decisions. When he starts telling fraggles that the pink sticks are good, actually, its *themselves* that they doubt. 

But John doesn’t have an honest reputation- quite the opposite, actually! Fraggles are afraid of him because of what they know he can do to them. John’s convincing feels like some kind of spell, and the way they talk about the number of verses affecting the effectiveness makes it feel moreso. Even the convinced fraggles express confusion over why they did the things John convinced them to do. 

So yeah, I totally believe wembling is the secret to John’s success, even if he doesn’t. Now lets examine how his powers work. 

First of all, his convincing can cross the species boundary. Wembley encountered several doozers wearing clown noses on his way to see John. Tests would have to be run to see if he could convince gorgs and silly creatures. 

When Wembley returned to his friends, they were no longer wearing the noses. The Clown Concerto was temporary, just as the Fragglettes promised. So, if John sings one verse, it just wears off on its own. I think we can conclude that the song he sang to Mokey about cups on her hands only had one verse, then, as she no longer wears the cups a few days later. 

So, three verses must be very potent, right? In Preachification, the fraggles got three verses. They pressure Mokey to let them out of the solemn oath. She eventually does, but you’ll notice that they don’t touch the towers until John sings another verse. It makes me wonder if they needed his spellbinding song in order to eat them again. What would have happened if he hadn’t shown up? Would they be able to eat the towers? Or would they find themselves compelled not to do it, despite their own desires? No wonder the fraggles are afraid of John.

So only one verse of the song to break the three-verse spell, and to break a two-verse spell requires a challenge. Maybe. Perhaps Wembley's nature as a wembler means John needed to try harder or use a softer touch to break the spell.

And sure, we don’t know. Wembley might have come to his senses on his own, eventually, and maybe the fraggles really did only need for Mokey to release them from their oath. But giving John all this power- its just a fun headcanon! So that’s the one I choose.

The third thing we know about John’s powers is that they do not seem to work on himself. Despite lamenting about his own wembling in song form, John has not convinced himself into being a definite fraggle. Not as far as we know, anyway. Even more concrete evidence was the fact that he bit into a tower right before singing a reprise of his anti-tower song. 

Now I understand why some random youtube commenter called him the antichrist. Convincing John has this much power, so he must be evil. But is he really? In a show like fraggle rock, where empathy and cooperation is the key, is there really any room for evil characters?

I honestly feel like John is just a guy who loves doing what he does, and he believes that he is really helping people. We also don’t see him say ‘no’ to any convincing jobs, even if they could spell disaster for his home. Is it ever his sole idea to convince someone? Well, he wasn’t told to convince Mokey to wear cups on her hands. Or was he? We don’t see the scene play out. The girls were also there, and likely so were the Fragglettes as it’s established they live together. So the idea could have come from any of them.

Makes one wonder what would happen if Marlon or Pa Gorg asked for John’s help. He kind of comes across more as a people pleaser than this plotting manipulator. And, maybe there’s something to that?

Let's talk about Wembey for a minute. He displays traits of fawners. In Back to the Rock, season 1, Episode 4, Four Wembleys and a Birthday, Wembley begrudgingly agrees to all of his friends’ ideas for how to spend his birthday, even though he doesn’t want to do any of one of those activities. He even justifies it by saying “But, as long as my friends are happy, maybe that’s enough.” 

Wembling’s fawning is especially evident in Fraggle Rock season 1, episode 2, Wembley and the Gorgs. It’s foreshadowed when he’s especially agreeable to Gobo’s suggestions. “If it’s OK with you, it’s OK with me” is a repeated mantra. With the gorgs, his interactions are kind of the literal definition of fawning as a defense mechanism in action. Wembley is in a dangerous situation with people who want to hurt him, and there’s no way he can escape. So when Pa Gorg says he wants to be saluted, Wembley agrees with no question. 

In Four Wembleys and a Birthday, Wembley actually pulled himself so thin that he split and became invisible. Indeed, when you fawn, you can lose your identity. Your whole existence is about other people, not yourself. After the events of the Wembley and the Gorgs, he reflects on his experiences. “I mean, it didn’t seem like I was a slave. I guess some slavery feels like freedom.”

And that's another thing about fawning- it's still your idea. Wembley saluted Pa, his whole heart was in it. There was no part of his brain that was consciously thinking “I’m doing this so that he won’t hurt me.” It was not a conscious decision, even though it was still his idea. It’s kind of hard to explain but when you fawn, you really are totally in it. For the moment, you totally believe whatever it is you’re agreeing to. 

There’s a misconception that fawners are manipulators because of the way we seem to change our minds so quickly, or even because we say ‘what people want to hear’. As if we’re politicians, not just regular people navigating our own lives. I promise you, we aren’t out to lie to and manipulate you. We are constantly operating under a fear protocol and when the fear becomes too much, our brains default to the behaviors that kept us safe when we were children. It harms us more than it harms you, and it takes a very long time to unlearn the fawn response.

Fawners also tend to be fawners because they learned that it kept them safe. They often grew up in situations where they could not always get away from danger, and appeasing their abusers was what they needed to do to survive. I think it’s possible that Wembley was in an unsafe situation before he met his friends. But with their support, he’s learning to say ‘no’ more and more, and especially when its important. Most of his arcs are about finding his voice. In Four Wembleys and a Birthday, he does manage to recombobulate and he tells his friends what he really wants. 

I propose that John is a fawner, too, but it's better at hiding his low self confidence. He is a performer, after all. And he makes a good foil to Wembley. Even his purple fur is a nice foil to Wembley's yellowish coat. John is mirror of what might have happened to Wembley if he hadn’t met supportive friends. If he had met Jack Hammer before and continued down the path of a spokesfraggle. Wembley is a fraggle with a lot of inner strength, but without power. John is a fraggle with a lot of power, but without strength. 

To some things, Wembley agrees full heartedly. Like in The Secret of Convincing John, when Boober asked him to join him for the Clown Concierto. The only reason he didn’t go is because Gobo reminded him that he had previously committed to helping Gobo get his uncle’s postcard from outer space. 

But he doesn’t always jump on everyone’s suggestions. There are times when it’s clear that Wembley does not want to say yes, but he struggles with saying no. So he kind of stalls, saying things like “Oh wow Gobo, you think so? Huh, maybe we could try that?” Even when he does tell people in a direct way that he doesn’t want to do something, it takes him a long time to get there. An example of this is Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock, Season 1, Episode 2, Red and the Big Jump.

(A brief aside but- hello- Red and the Big Jump is *brilliant*. Not all of the responsibility should be on Wembley to always speak up, it should be on his friends to listen, too. John Tartaglia, who wrote this one, understood that perfectly. As you can probably tell, Wembley is the member of the Five I identify with the most, and I’m so glad he was the catalyst for the episode about consent. People aren’t always able to just say no. The Trash Heap makes it clear that the absence of the ‘no’ is not a ‘yes’. That’s a message that even adults seem to have a hard time understanding, which is why it’s so, so important we teach our kids these things from a young age. I’m so glad Red and the Big Jump exists.)

I believe that John has his own way of stalling to avoid saying no. We didn’t see it, but we did see the results of it. Mokey with cups on her hands, and Red wearing a blindfold. He’ll convince people to do silly things instead of giving them a direct ‘no’. He initially did this with Mokey, but only got through one verse before she convinced him.

So was that youtube person way back then correct? Is he the fraggle antichrist? I mean well. No. Not at all. But. Being generous, I think there is something interesting to be said about John and religion. Because I left something out when I talked about his inspiration- he’s a reference to Jim’s personality, but he’s modeled after televangelists. He’s got the bad hair, the flashy suit, and the backup singers, and his debut episode is even titled the Preachification of Convincing John. 

Even the language his song in that episode echoes some phrases you might hear from a preacher on TV. “There’s a mighty day a-coming”, “extra-good-as-gold”, “for eternity”. It’s very interesting to me that in this version, the reasons John gives all have to do with the fraggles’ well-being and not the well-being of the doozers, as this Mokey prime concern. As a preacher, his strategy seems to be ‘scare-em-straight’. It’s not about what the doozers need; it’s about how horrible things will happen to the fraggles themselves if they eat the towers. This is also a hallmark of bad actors in these fields who rely on the fear of damnation rather the love of one’s fellow human beings to compel their flocks to act.

Convincing John features in one last episode, The Secret Society of the Poohbahs. In the story, Mokey seeks to gain entrance into an “Exalted, high, holy, order”. She becomes very stressed out as she believes she’s breaking the rules of the club, but eventually realizes that it’s all very silly. By design! 

John is one of the leading members of the club, and at one point he states that he doesn’t know what ‘innocent’ means. “Doesn’t it have something to do with lambs?” That feels like a vague Bible reference. Honestly, the Poohbahs could easily be fitted into some commentary about religion. A group of people with their strange rituals who are quite scary but when you look close, they’re just your friends and neighbors. 

So, it may not have been intentional, two out of three of John’s appearances had elements that were poking fun at organized religion in a tongue in cheek way. Like everything on Fraggle Rock, it paints a nuanced picture. It’s wrong to scare people to the ‘right’ path, and don’t get so hung up on scripture. Church is meant to be about community, and if it loses that in rituals and rules, then its not right. It’s a light in a tunnel. In a world where kids might have had a preacher tell them they were going to hell if they kissed certain people, this must be a breath of fresh air. 

So why do I love John so much? He reminds me of me. He’s a fawner. He wants to be liked, but the way he goes about is probably not the best, and it leads him to being feared. And John is full of other contradictions. The ugliest fraggle in the rock, but the most charismatic as well. Outwardly confident but inwardly unsure. Powerful but easily swayed. As much a snake oil salesman as he is a preacher. Not good or evil, but certainly flawed. A complex, well rounded character, in other words, who I would love to know more about. 

Scratch that. It’s the teeth. It’s definitely the teeth.

[555-95472]

so two different people have asked me about #18. Favorite Beta troll? and it was already getting long, so. here we go 🎉

i won't sugarcoat my garbage opinions here: its eridan fuckin' ampora. welcome to my ted talk on why i love this terrible idiot.

so for context. i read homestuck when i was 14 and it like 6-12 months before my egg would crack. i was starting to be drawn toward male characters in a way i had never before. and my favorite types of characters were (still are?) under-discussed secondary characters with big "i can fix him" energy. so, naturally, eridan really caught my eye.

i liked the contrast between his tactical skill and his interpersonal ineptitude. b/t being kinda badass and being truly pathetic. b/t his attitude of supremacy and his endlessly deep self-loathing. and, yes, i definitely woobified him Big Time back then.

now coming back to the fandom like 13 years later, i see something more? those contrasts still draw me, but now i think about him in terms 1. what it means to be Villain in homestuck (both in his actions and his beliefs), and 2. erisolsprite

since this became an Essay, im putting the rest below the cut

tldr: examining eridan as a villain shows that some Really interesting choices were made in his creation and show how effectively he fills his narrative role. while erisolsprite forcibly hands someone else's perspective to an endlessly self-centered character.

with regards to villainy, in 2011 we had a totally different perspective on timelines and doom and free will and shit? looking back. and its so clear that eridan Had to be what he was, both narratively and meta-narratively?

what got me thinking about it was actually kanaya's sylladex releasing the matriorb? her fetch modus only releases objects when its The Right Time. and The Right Time was for eridan to fucking destroy it. and i realized that shit would've probably been pretty fucked if they got to the condesce with the matriob (something she wants Badly) and feferi (the heiress she was meant to kill).

narratively, eridan was predestined to destroy the matriob, and had he done anything differently, it would have doomed them. and i know this is the case for literally every decision, but idk something about that perspective hits different for eridan, who acts on his worst impulses and almost never has a positive impact on anything

like, goddamn, his classpect is prince of hope, and his planet is wrath and angels. people talk about whether or not he fulfilled his mythical arc or whatever? but it seems like LOWAA was meant to push him to that place of furious tension and volatile fear. it needed to happen and his planet made it so.

(plus i think there's some really interesting post-canon au stuff to explore with eridan learning to redefine prince of hope from "i destroy with my conviction" (meaning "i kill with magic/science") to "i destroy my conviction" (meaning "i deconstruct the things i once considered my core beliefs"))

and meta-narratively, eridan is Useful and also pretty interesting? imo there needed to be some representation of what the expected hemocaste beliefs of alternia were like. specifically someone representing the intersection of hyperviolence and bigotry that forms that backbone of their culture. eridan, as a war-tactic-obsessed seadweller, does a really good job of that.

but what twists him into something more is his role as an orphaner. in homestuck, eridan is the voice of his society's most violent and genocidal beliefs, and he is uniquely placed in a position to enact them. but he doesn't.

if eridan's bigotry is thought about as a narrative necessity for the arcs of other trolls (♋, ♉, ♐, etc.), it becomes more clear that some really clever choices were made to show a complex version of that (while still not overshadowing how Terrible he is). eridan is meta-narratively given infinite opportunities to do unspeakable violence that he Does Not Take. which serves to both undermine how dangerous he is, and to call into question the depth of those beliefs.

and with all that in mind: holy shit erisolsprite. eridan joined in mind and memory with sollux, a powerfully psionic goldblood who grew up in the shadow of helmsmanship. erisolsprite is so united in their self-loathing that they find unshakable common ground (as opposed to sprite-sploding like others do). its arguably The most stable relationship we see eridan have and the most stable sprite made of 2 trolls, and thats so wonderfully fucked up.

for eridan specifically, who is almost defined by being self-centered, he suddenly has the full memory of growing as sollux, who lived his life in the shadow of his own doom and was endlessly willing to sacrifice himself for others. eridan is literally is shoved into sollux's shoes and given memories of every previous step, all while sollux is still wearing those same shoes.

and while being erisolsprite definitely Sucks Ass, i can't stop thinking about how much that would affect eridan (Positively) if he ever got out of the sprite. tbh im also curious what sollux would walk away from erisolsprite with, but thats a post for a different time. i could go on, but it would probably just turn into a fanfic about it

ok my eridan rant is over. i hope this made sense. thank you for coming. here's a little bonus lowres eridan 💚

(also i havent played pesterquest yet so idk anything about that. ive been meaning to but its dubiously canon so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

[queenofhearts-444]

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

"Lolita, light of my life, fire in my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta."

For starters... I started this book on Valentine's Day. *Ironic, right?*

ONE: Do I think this book is a love story? In the rawest and ugliest sense, yes, I do.

TWO: The entire idea is absolutely genius, whether people can admit that or not, it's the truth. I was enthralled from the first page. I have a special love for classic's to begin with, so this book will never get a negative opinion from me.

THREE: Something I'd like to note, is I understand how this has been and will be romantizised in the future. I have an excerpt for an example.

"My inncocent little visitor slowly sank to a half-sitting position upon my knee. Her adorable profile, parted lips, warm hair were three inches from my bared eyetooth; and I felt the heat of her limbs through her rough tomboy clothes. All at once I knew I could kiss her throat or the wick of her mouth with perfect impunity. I knew she would let me do so, and even close her eyes as Hollywood teaches. A double vanilla with hot fudge---hardly more unusal than that." Lolita By Vladimir Nabokov. Page 48, chapter 11.

That perfectly explains how he views her, and how it's told from his perspective leaves room for people to romanticize it all.

FOUR: You don't really see the odd obsession he has with young girls, or Nymphets as he calls them, until in chapter 13 with the following paragraph. *Context, he and Lolita are sitting on the couch together and she crawls over into his lap*

"I entered a plane of being where nothing mattered, save the infusion of joy brewed within my body. What had begun as a delicious distension of my innermost roots became a glowing tingle which now had reached that state of absolute security, confidence and reliance not found elsewhere in conscious life." EXCUSE ME? OVER A LITTLE GIRL SITTING IN YOUR LAP?!

You can say this is euphoria he is experiencing, which changes nothing. I would also like to say, that people have very clearly done the work to try to understand WHY Humbert is the way he is. My research shows it's a result of his lack of parenthood during his childhood and the loss he experianced as a kid *Staying vague for spoilers*

Connection to that, in Nightfall By Penelope Douglas, the main character is reading Lolita for english class where the teacher says,

"We've all talked about Humbert being an enreliable narrator in the book. How we are all the righteuos heros of our own story if we're the ones telling it."

As well as,

"And how often a matter of right or wrong is just a matter of perspective. To a fox, the hound is the villain. To a hound, the wolf. The wolf, a human and so on." *Page 26-27*

So let's tie that in. When reading Lolita, the attraction Humbert has to Lolita might seem romantic, if not justifiable, but it is only a matter of perspective. *The main character in Nightfall even thinks, in response,

"Oh, please. Humbert Humbert was derailed. And a criminal. Fox, hound, wolf, whatever."

So we see her perspective, which is fair and true. Not everything is as black and white as it seems though, which she learns later.*

FIVE: Part of me thinks this book effected me mentally, on more levels than it's natural disturbing nature. I started to feel like I was running out of time, or like I'm in my 'prime' *Age not disclosed* I was absolutely on the verge of writing my will.

SIX: SPOILERS! SKIP. LO'S MOM?!?! Ugh. I also have to add that her dying was WILD. And so up to chance. I'm sure after Humbert stopped crying and drinking, he was very thankful she was out of the way.

SEVEN: As I read this, I rooted for Humbert, for storyline alone. I was playing along which made it much more enjoyable. At the end of the day, H.H. was a pedophile, and poor Dolores was the subject of it. Does that mean I enjoyed the novel any less? No! I loved it. I loved the idea, the writing, and the whole story. It was told so well and Nabokov did such a good job. Thanks for reading my book review/rant. I would love to add my thoughts for the movie but I want to get this review out! I appreciate all of you who read these and I hope to make more soon, I'm currently in a reading slump.

Tootles

[sometimesimjustsotired]

How I'm learning to Move on from my Ex BFF

Attachment Issues 101

I've experienced multiple breakups and lost many friends over the years. But nothing could have prepared me for losing my best friend of ten years, the girl I grew up with, the person who I knew would always be there for me—until she wasn't.

I met her in eighth grade and for many years we were inseparable, I held her hand through every break-up, cheered her on through her best moments, and even spoke at her wedding as her maid of honor. However, the day of /my/ wedding, she blocked me on everything, which left me without a maid of honor, makeup artist, and hairstylist. For so long I felt like I was in the wrong for what had happened between us, regardless of the fact that she had told me, our friendship was ending because of her jealousy.

When you're the one blocked, when you're the one ignored, you immediately feel like you are the one in the wrong and THEY have all the power. For years I have struggled with this ideology, thinking that I somehow am at a disadvantage although I was the one wronged. 

I kept thinking to myself :

I would have never done this to her

I would drop anything for her, why couldn't she be there for me?

But then I watched the show Lost, and I came to a realization. For context, the show follows a character's backstory (John Locke). In this episode, he reconnects with his father during adulthood, gives his father his kidney, and then is completely blocked out of his father's life. For years, John sits outside of his father's house, just wanting to know why he was wronged. Missing their relationship. 

I became angry for John, I knew without a shadow of doubt that he was the victim, he didn't deserve what his father had put him through- and neither did I.

This episode reminded me of my own situation, for months, I became addicted to stalking her social media accounts (from alternative accounts) and wanting to see what she was doing. Until seeing that episode, I struggled with the thought of her thinking of me or even missing me- but she doesn't and that's okay. I didn't lose my power when she blocked me, I lost my power when I became obsessed with her and lost a piece of myself. Because I so badly craved that friendship, but not her as a person. 

I don't wish harm upon her, I don't wish good upon her. I wish for myself to be freed from her.

So now I force myself not to stalk her social media and every time I want to text her, I remind myself that better friendships are waiting for me and I won't be able to move forward if I keep focusing on the past. I will not give her the power again.

I constantly think to myself, that she has become someone I can't even recognize. In reality, she has always been the victim and in her mind, I'm always going to be the bad guy. You can't change everyone, the only person you can change is yourself so why waste your time on someone who couldn't give two shits about you?

I still think about her and every so often I check her social media, but I'm human and it's okay. It won't change overnight.

I know I sound a little crazy, but I'm posting this so if anyone relates they know, they're not alone. 

[thebroccolination]

Hey, just wanted to say that I'm really thankful to you for all the posts you've made about Krist so far

I didn't know him at all before BMF and only slowly "learned" about him through some people making snide comments about him before the show aired and people in the tags/comments then reiterating all the reasons why he's awful and should be cancelled with links to those standard "proof" compilation videos + posts and it's terrifyingly easy to get caught up in the hate spiral and the image it paints when that's all you hear about a person who at that point in time merely existed in the periphery of the fandoms you hung out in, especially if the people constantly spreading and reinforcing that image were people you used to really enjoy having on your dash. It made me apprehensive of the show before it even aired, which did both the show and Krist a terrible disservice

Your posts gave me a much more nuanced picture of him and the context within which the hatred got started and has kept persisting even now and it's really been a bit of an eye-opener regarding Fandom Discourse™️ and how it can influence your opinion of people you know nothing about even as you try to just mind your own business, possibly even thinking yourself somewhat immune to that sort of mindless cancel culture

I've made some adjustments to my dash and it has become a much kinder place for it now

I'm glad other people I follow also actively loved the show and posted about it and I'm glad you've been so vocal in talking about Krist as a person, it acted like an antidote to all of the vitriol that had one-sidedly poisoned my perception of him

Should it have been necessary? Probably not but that's not what this is about. Sometimes all it takes is one person speaking up and telling you to fact-check your blind bias and it really matters, especially when things have been taken out of context and twisted and amplified as much as was done with him. Thank you for unknowingly being that person for me, I truly appreciate it

Oh, Anon. :')

Thank you so much. I've teared up reading this, and it just makes me so happy to know I've done something small to change hearts.

When I became a fan in June of 2020, I barely knew him. I'd binge-watched SOTUS in May, and the hate went supernova shortly thereafter. I'd just been so moved by his empathetic portrayal of Arthit, I was skeptical that he could be this Deeply Homophobic Bigot that people were painting him as. And honestly, when I saw the IG story the first time, I just thought it had been a half-joking exaggeration to a question that annoyed him and it landed poorly. It wasn't enough to convince me of anything.

Fortunately, because I'd done a watch thread for SOTUS, I'd made a bunch of friends in the Peraya fandom, and a good number of them were queer like me. So I went to them and asked what they knew. They explained the whole thing: that it was from years before, that because KristSingto were the ones who started the "First Wave" they'd put up with a whole higher and wilder level of scrutiny and obsession and homophobia. They told me Krist had had a relationship with a girl at the time, that she and her family, his family, his friends, everyone close to him was being spied on or investigated by people who Needed to Know if Krist was secretly dating Singto. (Later, I found out about the whole KristGun thing, that their friendship had been tested by similar prying and accusations and homophobia and possessiveness by the more unhinged fans of the Real Branded Pairs.)

With that much background, and knowing Krist couldn't have been more than 19 or 20 at the time, I said, "Oh," and figured most people would have the same reaction when they looked into it.

But instead, it got worse.

It was surreal to experience as a new fan. Krist's Thai fans were exhausted by these interfans showing up and baying for his blood in languages they couldn't communicate in, and Krist's interfans were protective of him and impatient with the interfans on Twitter who'd just clap back with "LMAO NOT YOU DEFENDING A HOMOPHOBE?????" and racking up hundreds of likes and retweets for dunking on Krist fans. Any time Krist posted, they'd flood him with cruel replies and QRTs, and I have to reiterate that, like, to get that amount of hatred in foreign languages must have been such a horrible feeling. People demanded he apologize, but he already had. Multiple times. He'd just done it in Thai.

Worse than that, I've been told by an older Peraya that when the IG story was first posted, Thai fans knew he wasn't homophobic, so it didn't blow up with them. It was interfans even back then who misinterpreted him. He did apologize, though, and unfortunately, the fandom was small enough that the only person who translated it was neither fluent in English nor Thai. Apparently he said something like, "I was raised in the genre of Y series, and it's my home, and one I'm deeply proud of, so I'd never harbor any kind of bigotry like that," but the person's language ability limited what they were able to understand and translate, so they posted something like, "I'm a BL actor so of course I'm not homophobic," and of course interfans at the time only redoubled their attacks on him. "He thinks he can't be homophobic just because he was in BL!?" That kind of thing.

And when people have pushed back on the IG story, I've seen people just make bad faith interpretations of Krist's intentions in other scenarios. Like when he and Gawin were watching their sweet scenes in Be My Favorite, Krist hid behind Gawin's shoulder during their kiss scene, and there was a brief but enthusiastic wave of, "SEE HE CAN'T WATCH TWO MEN KISS." Even though…he was one of them?

The people who say, "He was jobless so he came back to BL," when he rarely has a day off, the people who say, "He was poor so he came back to BL," when BL doesn't pay well and Krist bought a house and supports his entire family off the money he makes doing other work. The music shows he co-hosts have higher ratings than literally any GMMTV BL series. They get something like 2.0 where the average GMMTV BL series gets 0.2.

I know it takes time and patience and resources to learn all of this, and I don't expect everyone to do the amount of research I have. I love him, so it's a pleasure and not a pain to spend time learning who Krist Perawat is. All I've ever wanted by talking about him and sharing more about him is to help lessen the hate he gets. He truly, truly doesn't deserve it, and he never has.

Like, Aof recently posted a GMMTV job listing to Facebook and one of the requirements was that you be a woman or LGBTQ+. I think the only way you'd remain employed in GMMTV with that level of community support if you were homophobic is if your family is well-connected or wealthy. Krist famously cleared his family's debt with the meteoric popularity of SOTUS, so he does not come from money, privilege, or connections. Arguably the one thing he had going for him when he was auditioning for SOTUS apart from his acting talent was his ability to Be Pale if he avoided the sun long enough. (Colorism, alive and thriving.)

So, so many of his friends are queer. His close friends. Not just random people he posts in his stories for clout or to Clear His Name or whatever. These are people who cuddle him and call him their son and speak of him with true knowledge of his faults and his virtues and love him deeply. People dismiss this as, "OH SO HE 'HAS QUEER FRIENDS' LOL OKAY SOUNDS LEGIT," but again, you have to look at the depth of these friendships. Oat has been with Krist since SOTUS. He "adopted" Gawin on the strength of how close Gawin got to Krist over the past year.

As far as I know, Krist has never made his sexuality public knowledge. What he has said (apart from the IG story, which, y'know, wasn't super nuanced) is that he doesn't care how people perceive his sexuality, and that if he ever dates someone of the same gender, he'll be open with the relationship because he wants his fans to know that side of his life and the person he loves—no matter their gender.

I see a lot of people saying, "Oh, he was homophobic, but he's better now," but from everything I've ever seen, I just don't believe it. At best, he was clumsy with how he expressed himself, which is understandable because he was nineteen or twenty and I'm sorry to be Like This but it is rare that you find an Overnight Famous Twenty-Year-Old Guy Without Media Training who's going to know how to communicate his feelings about being constantly harassed to the point where his girlfriend breaks up with him and he's bombarded with questions in multiple languages by fans around the world about his sex life with his senior and costar.

(I got to this point and was like, "I should add some photos so this isn't just a block of text.)

He's not homophobic, he never was. He's just a dude who loves his cats, is really good at acting and drumming and singing and causing chaos, is the beloved baby brother of PeBaCa, and wants more than anything to take care of his family.

Okay, I'm done.

Thank you again, Anon. The more I learn about him, the fonder I get of him, and it's harder and harder to stay quiet about how frustrating it is to see him get so much vitriol. I'm so happy you told me. Thank you, really. <3

……………

Okay.

I have to end this tangent on a positive note.

GMMTV, give me a KristGun series I'm so serious or I'll throw durians through every single one of your windows.

[idkfitememate]

Fey wilds????

Do you play DND? :o

I'd love to hear more!

I do play D&D! I’m play a Half-Orc Bard Named Morc the Orc™️©️! (The trademark and copyright are on the birth certificate)

૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა˖⁺‧₊˚

Any since you asked for more here we go!:

The Fae Wilds are a domain connected to Mond filled with - you guessed it - Fae! Though they are… less than friendly.

I took a lot of inspiration from German folk tales and legends, as well as a few others from regions surrounding it! I didn’t directly copy any, as I wanted to create my own (though in the end I may end up keeping a few, or at least making nods to them)

The fae wilds aren’t fully developed but they are getting there!

A few of the legends are as follows:

“The Weeping Woman” : A tale of a woman who was engaged to the love of her life, her wedding day came round and her husband died of a mysterious illness. This left her to weep for days on end. She wandered the grassy landscape surrounding Mondstadt, calling out to her dead lover. One day, the pain and anguish became too great and as such, she there herself off the top of StarSnatch Cliff. They say that you can hear her sobs around the cliffs of the Fae Realm. Those who head her call are sent barreling down a cliff into rock waters below. For children, they may be snatched up a stolen away, forever bound to her by watery chains, to be the children she could never have with her fiancée.

The only way to dispel her is to show her your true love (she could never knowingly separate lovers), show her a picture of herself before she died (she will get distracted and begin fixing her appearance for her love), or a picture of her fiancée (she will be distracted and give you enough time to run)

“The Dancer”: A teen boy who adored dancing for the people of Mondstadt. He would dance day in and day out. That was, until his father told him that his dancing was lackluster at best. He forced himself to continue dancing, and dancing, and dancing until he fell dead in a useless attempt to gain his father’s love and respect. The Fae Wilds took him not long after. Now if you hear old Mondstadtian music flowing on the winds on a particularly cold night, you will be met by him. In which he will beg and plead for a dance. Should you dance with him, however, he will attempt to steal your legs in order to replace his own, so he may dance better to appease his father.

How to dispel his is to either introduce him to a new dance (he will grow obsessed with learning it, only downside is that when he does learn it, you can no longer use that dance as an excuse) or to quite simply tell him you can’t dance. He may be pushy, but if you continue to say you can’t, he will eventually leave you be.

“Army of Death”: A literal army of undead churls. Hili, mita and lawachurls who have been brought back via the wild magics of the Fae, filled with an unending need for bloodshed. They cannot die. They cannot rest. Should you head the battle horn of churl camp? Run.

There is no known way to dispel them. Best you can do is throw a few (or many) pieces of meat and prey.

“The Shop”: Just a little shop on the outskirts of the Wilds!~… Why is that bottle filled with the skin of my relatives :)?

Really nothing you can do. Either you buy something or get out! Of course, they sell anything your heart desires, from ores to fake visions! You can find it all in the shop!

The Fae Wilds are filled with legend after legend, most passed down through families. A few manage to slip through the border that is guarded by Detleif (centaur OC), and that’s why there are rules/quick fixes for meeting them! The duty of keeping the majority of the Fae in the wilds falls on the High Priest. He should spend the most of his week in the Wilds ensuring they don’t pass, keeping the more dangerous Fae in the wilds.

For context about the history really quick: The Wilds were once intertwined with Mondstadt, and there were a few human settlements inside its borders. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean either we’re on good terms, but it was enough to not be constantly fighting. Eventually Celestia decided to be the bitch it is, and try to be rid of it, not seeing the purpose of its existence. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned and they only ended up corrupting the realm. Fae attacks weren’t that common before, but after that it was a daily occurrence. Nearly every hour really.

The unfortunate thing? Ludwig lived in one of these settlements, and his whole family ended up dying around him. This turned their angered souls into Fae, but now he spends his days killing his family over and over and over and over and over and over…

Beyond that, I don’t have too much else to add about the Fae Wilds. As I said, it’s still a bit underdeveloped, but I work on it daily!

☆૮꒰ˊᗜˋ* ꒱ა

Thank you for the ask! I love talking about my baby <3 ૮꒰⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝꒱ა

[briefobservationdreamer]

Kingdom Hearts Characters: Lea/Axel

What I think of the character: So many thoughts about him. Axel was a really fun villain in Chain of Memories and a pretty interesting morally gray character, being the devious assasin throughout his time as a Nobody but was friendly, fun-loving and had a soft spot to him that still made him likeable. However, he did a lot of awful things and deeply hurt a lot of people, but many of them get overlooked once he gets recompleted as Lea and I don't think they should be. I don't take issue with him being a flawed character as long as he learns and fixes his mistakes, but he has a lot of work to do to atone and earn trust and forgiveness. Giving him a keyblade might be fanservice but it was a good way to make him self-reflect, discover what's most important to him, show his determination to fix his mistakes and bring back the friends he lost by his own actions. Unfortunately that potential was lost in KH3 and he didn't really do anything for the war or to atone, he mostly became comic relief with a couple of emotional moments. Xemnas destroying his keyblade and beating him up was just the final insult to his arc. And I think that's a shame because he definitely deserved a character arc and deserved to be more than comic relief. While I don't entirely hate him, I can have a lot of trouble forgiving him for the things he did at times. I do really like his chakrams and keyblade though, and I've always loved fire powers and had a soft spot for characters who use them.

Headcannons:

How he got those teardrop tattoos. We know Saïx gave them to him to help him stop crying, which I like though I wish it had a slightly different context because it's not healthy to discourage crying. Maybe as a charm to wipe away tears, or ward away the need for them? I like to think it happened soon after they became Nobodies, with Lea struggling to cope with everything that happened, especially if Saïx got his scar just before that.

The manga showed that, despite being an extrovert who tries to befriend everyone and taking it upon himself to be the big brother to his group of teens, he isn't as socially smooth and can be a bit more awkward than most realise. He's surprisingly particular about personal space and being touched, and isn't comfortable about physical intimacy with just anyone, only people he's particularly close to. The games kind of hint at this too, so I'm not sure how much this counts as a headcannon, but I'll put it here anyway.

Has a magical connection to the sun, but far more subtle than Isa's connection to the moon. It makes his fire magic easier to use when outside during the day.

Relationships:

Roxas and Xion: I like the idea a lot, and the dynamic is cute. However, what I think a lot of people don't realise is that the relationship is not as wholesome, innocent and harmless as it appears on the surface. Axel used deception and force to keep them with him in the Organisation, and while none of the options were good, it was still toxic and manipulative, and he hurt a lot of other people for them as well. What he did in Days and 2 wasn't healthy, and it isn't cute seeing a grown man do those things because he was obsessed with keeping a pair of vulnerable children. I don't ship Lea with either of them because of the age gap, he's more of a big brother in the role of guardian.

Isa/Saïx: I like the dynamic a lot, and they play off each others strengths and weaknesses very well, and I'm really intrigued by their story. I take huge issue with Axel replacing Saïx and abandoning him when he needed him most, and it's the thing I find hardest to forgive Axel for. I am glad they were able to reconcile, but I wish Lea had taken more responsibility and done more to make up for it and show he really cared about him post recompletion, because there was no excuse. Also no, I don't ship them partly because of what I just said and because I'm not big on romance in general. I just like them as best friends/honorary brothers.

Kairi: It was nice to see them patch things up in KH3 and Lea trying to make amends. It's a shame KH3 was had too much going on to expand on this more, I like to think that Kairi was able to give him some much needed emotional support, help him come to terms with his past and process any guilt he feels about what happened.

Subject X: This is definitely a retcon and sudden thing to bring up now of all times, particularly with Axels many conflicting motivations, but I do like the idea a lot. It adds an extra layer Lea's and Isa's story and motivations, makes things more tragic. It also gives a personal perspective to enhance how messed up the human experiments done by Ansem, Xehanort and the other apprentices did really were, instead of just being facts and figures. Because it's one of many motivations Axel eventually abandoned, despite him claiming not to have given up, its a bit difficult to say how he really feels about it with the "content to miss what's gone" quote from his secret reports in Days. It could be taken to mean he gave up and stopped caring, which would have made his actions and situation with Saix make a lot of sense. But it could also mean he still cares and wants to look, but is 'content to just miss her' for the time being and isn't letting it dominate his life and stopping him appreciating what is going on in the present, which is a healthier attitude to have that is also in line with Lea's personality. We don't know what their relationship was like yet, but I hope they find her in the future.