#May write a more positive essay explaining how I still love it for what it is

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Steven Universe: A Complicated Relationship

I’m starting to fall out of love with this show. I used to be obsessed with it and it was important to me as a way of figuring out my gender and sexuality. Yet, my relationship to it has become more complicated as of late. I’ve defended it myself and have been passionate about it, yet seeing the way a lot of stans have acted has kind of ruined it for me especially due to dismissing any criticism. This is not me saying I hate it or think it’s irredeemable Nazi propaganda but not everyone who dislikes it watches Lily Orchard and there are valid things to criticize about it.

There’s definitely bad faith criticism of the show such as flanderizing Steven into a crybaby with those Jack Horner/Hitler memes or claiming it was made to attack Christians but some people do have valid points. The episodes Bismuth and Gem Harvest may have not intended to come off as racist but one could interpret them as forcing people to forgive their abusers or bigoted relatives. As someone who’s Asian and knows about the way we’re represented, the way Priyanka and Doug were portrayed in the early seasons as tiger parents has not aged well.

One other criticism I’ve seen is that the show copies a lot of old sci fi or anime tropes without recognizing the issues with them or removing them from their original context. I and others have compared the show’s ending to the Highbreed arc from Ben 10 Alien Force. The difference is that the Highbreed were treated as supremacists who needed to be stopped, not as abusive family. People can debate over whether they should have gotten more consequences but they were not treated as dorky relatives. The only one Ben befriends was a low ranking officer who became the new leader and convinced the high council to accept having their DNA changed. There’s also the human zoo, another sci fi trope that’s aged badly with the racist implications.

The series is also compared to a lot of anime. There’s references to Ghibli, NGE, Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball and many have compared the show’s idealism to that of magical girl shows like Madoka Magica. The difference is that those shows didn’t use subjects like colonialism as a backdrop for family drama. SW suffers from that as well especially with the rebels only wanting to restore the old liberal system while taking imagery from the Viet Cong. People who wanted a revolution story weren’t necessarily wrong as that’s what the early seasons did set up.

Some will accuse me of fandomizing the war but I’ve noticed a lot of the hardcore stans are white queers who support Israel or demand complete support for democrats. Not saying every SU fan is a bad person btw. There are a lot of decent people who are anti Zionist and like the show but a lot of these pop progressive cartoons as well as SW, Disney and Marvel/DC are used by people with gross beliefs to infantilize themselves and dismiss any criticism from POC fans. If mainstream kids media is where you’re getting your all political takes from then maybe you do need to branch out and watch more mature stuff. Watching NGE helped me grow up a lot and learn nuance.

As a recap, I’m not saying SU is a bad show or that people are bad for liking it. It was important for my own development as well as a lot of lgbt youth and was a jumping point for a lot of my current interests such as classic anime or Lisa Hannigan, who’s an amazing musician and is pro Palestine btw. Future did help me a bit with mental health yet people are allowed to dislike it or find that even if it wasn’t intentional, there are some implications that should be addressed. I don’t hate it and there’s some stuff worth defending in it but it’s not the greatest show ever and people who get all their politics from it need to grow up. Between it, TOH, Dead End and She-Ra, I think a lot of the pop progressive media that we have today will not age well and that’s something we need to accept.

[coffeesleep-ooc]

Essay on heartbreak points

Just thinking of LBH pining over SQQ along the novel before he finally gets the man

Pre-abyss LBH wants SQQ, but the thing i see in him is not just wanting him, carnally sexually or otherwise, he wants SQQ’s attention and approval bc he admires him, its as simple as that. Og goods already had his admiration just bc he was a great cultivator, he was elegant and beautiful and worked hard af, it was like…if a polished stone like jade was used to hurt rather than be the soft, warm and flawless concept of beauty - that chinese media usually uses -. But then the cold showed a soft inner core! Yes! Our dear transmigrator took over and confused the hell out of t he poor LBH that still struggled to excuse SJ’s behavior. Then though, SY took care of him with love and with smiles, using mdoern sensibilities to measure things like care and affection…and I think that some of those discrepancies between a hellish setting and a soft oblivious SY must have been quite jarring to LBH. He sees someone that believes in inherent good and is passionate and silly, knowledgeable and kind, and can’t help but want to be close! He admires him so much!!

Still pre-abyss, not only LBH admires the heck out of SY, he is also his shizun, and i don’t forget about his teacher kink but im talking about the dynamics of it instead of anything sexual. LBH knows and firmly believes that his position is way below that of SQQ’s, he is protected and cared for, but he longs to protect and care for as well right? Because he has seen that SQQ is powerful but not above everything, because he is knowledgeable but not all-seeing, because he may be taken advantage of by someone crafty that doesn’t deserve his kindness. LBH pretends to fall and be weak and helpless when it’s convenient for him, but he knows he has to take every advantage he can bc he needs to be strong enough to protect SQQ, because the world has shown him that there are many dangers and that someone not of a peak lord’s status isn’t worth to marry (idk how much about this airplane would have put into his work, but lets remember that ancient chinese marriages were a very foemal and important thing that involved status and wealth, not just love). Let’s remember our bun has also been a street rat and probably saw many things at one point or another! We can only speculate and write fics about that last point, but the street is not a good place to be, especially in a PIDW setting. Also, bc he wasn’t strong enough, quick enough, bc his family had no power or money his mother died, it’s as hurtful and as plain as that for him, even if he knows (does he though?) that it’s not his fault.

Onwards to the abyss! It’s shit. That’s what it is. Shizun who he admires, respects and loves above everything, who told him that nobody was intolerable for the heavens went against every fucking shit he said and coldly forced LBH into the abyss. What the actual fuck SQQ (affectionate), you gave him so many issues fr. I can only imagine how confused the poor LBH must have felt when his Shizun yet again changed tune like this in a way he can’t fully explain this time, even more so, he could try, but it wouldn’t change the fact that LBH is currently in the worst place ever because the person he loves with his whole heart threw him there (and possibly wanted him to stay down there? to become one of its creatures? To die? He has no idea???). LBH has strived to be good, to be worthy in his teacher’s eyes since he entered the sect and he has just gotten proof that he isn’t and will never be even though he had the hope of getting there despite everything. It’s just filled with heartbreak and i think that the system only deducted SQQ’s current total points bc he literally had to die to be deducted any more and LBH can’t have him dead and the system knows that extremely well! It also gave SQQ a scenario push remember? And that was only for LBH’s benefit istg, SQQ had no idea.

and talking about death! Funny thing isn’t it? It’s ridiculous that SQQ dies so many times (srsly bro, wtf - again affectionate) but I believe that the first was the most traumatic for LBH. SQQ doesn’t sneer at him like a disgusting mucus but instead is afraid of him! LBH worked hard to just see SQQ again, to reunite the courage to talk to him and ask him if he regretted what he did, to show him he was a good person and that he had power now, that he could impress him and protect him (he has lost a lot of his own self-esteem base and i do believe that’s part of where heartbreak points come from) the person whom he values the opinion of the most -the only one even- thinks him a beast and an unredeemable demon…and when he tries to peove himself not that, the only thing SQQ does is run away from him, to decide to be silent and refuse even LBH’s (biased) kindness. He wouldn’t even take LBH’s robe! Imagine that you love someone and that someone hates your guts and refuses to even acknowledge that they hurt you, oh, and all this while an evil sword is fighting to take advantage of your negative feelings. Post-abyss is also shit, just a bit better bc LBH has the illusion of control, he thinks he can still control the situation and is slowly losing hope of shizun understanding him. But the illusion shatters when SQQ self-detonates to save him. The one he supposedly hates. LBH is probably just eternally confused in sv now that i think about it lmao *pats consolingly*

post death 1 (actually 2 for SY): LBH thought he knew shizun, then he realized he couldn’t explain everything shizun did. Then he tried to ask, not even for a full explanation, just to know if shizun really did hate him (bc LBH truly doesn’t care at that point what SQQ does or what SQQ’s reasons and actions were as long as he still loves him, smhw he is so…) and got instead a blow up in his face, coupled with other ppl’s accounts of SQQ mourning him like he was actually truly dead, missing him and finally he sees SQQ sacrificing himself for him. This surely must be enough fpr LBH right? Well…not really, SQQ could have been sacrificing himself to protect the ppl around him - LQG is there and we all know that LBH is mildly sus of him at this point, it will get worse later when LQG is the one coming by every fucking day to retrieve SQQ’s corpse so mhm…its possible LBH thought they had something (not necessarily romantic) at some point, or that LQG and the other ppl were important enough to sacrifice his life for. Not only that, but shizun was not rejoicing when he came back, he never said anything. He killed himself in everyone’s pov -but SQH’s-without explanation, in the most tragic and confusing way of all, saying he would repay LBH…lets also remember that repaying someone can mean completely cutting ties and leaving with a clean slate. And the only actual thing he did was show LBH he didn’t have actual control over the situation and that it was possible to be completely powerful and still lose the ones you love and care about. Idk (or don’t remember haha…) the moment LBH started building the bamboo house in the demonic realm, but it says a lot about what he wants and what he dreams about, the most probable things he is feeling at this point is desperation and melancholy, nostalgia. He longs for the days where he was secure in the knowledge of Shizun’s affection for him, no matter what kind of affection it was, but at the same time is bittersweet because he knows that shizun will never love him foe who he is and that drives him mad with heartbreak that is just building up over time. He will also feel incredibly guilty over SQQ repaying him with his life, because all he ever wanted was basic communication but Shen ‘i am so emotionally repressed i can’t even tell what I’m actually feeling’ Qingqiu obviously thought he was being hunted for revenge. So rip LBH, he wanted an explanation or just a simple ‘i regret it’ but what he gets is confusion, a corpse he has to reanimate asap, and incredible guilt + more damage to his self esteem

Then SQQ comes back and doesn’t even try to search fpr him? And everything becomes a huge mess quite quickly. But. Luo Binghe watches his shizun go back to his martial family and interact with them in a way that he doesn’t interact with LBH anymore. LBH gets his face rubbed with the fact that what he strongly wishes for (going back) is impossible because he made the mistake of being born. Which, would demoralize the strongest of us honestly. And uta been so long since i read sv that I don’t remember much, but im sure that LBH can’t even think that SQQ does care for him, the trauma and insecurity, the abandonment issues have grown so big that they are like a bull in a china shop, ready to shatter everything in short range. Its only when SQQ gives his life (LBH does not know this but he is aware that SQQ would not have used papapa to save the world with just everyone) and gives him something he kept for so long - and that LBH himself thinks is precious despite being worthless - that he understands a bit that shozun may not hate him so much. I’m surprised that heartbreak points weren’t so used or that we didn’t get reminded of them through the story, because it would have given us an inkling of how LBH was feeling, but also spoilers and SQQ’s obliviousness, i imagine that at the end of sv they would have been lower than what they were (in truth) at the IAC but not completely gone

finally, i think that heartbreak points could be used to gauge how traumatized poor LBH was at eaxh point in time, but also to measure the state of his self esteem and the level of hope he had according to the way SQQ acted along the novel. I think that the points were all gone at some point (i eont remember anymore -cries- ) but i fullly believe that post canon Binghe still has heartbreak points and a whole lot of issuws that start to slowly disappear as thwir relationahip progresses. The only thing is that LBH still ties his own worth to SQQ’s opinion of him, and he will have heartbreak points again if he misunderstands SQQ st any point (unlikely but still).

Anyways…

THIS POOR BABY BREAKS MY HEART! He was terrible but he was also very human and truly, he deserves good.

Sorry about the rambling essay! :D

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Reading Interpretation and You (and the Author) by the one and only Secretary

[id: From right to left. Head with Author written underneath with a block with Conceived Story written inside. An arrow extruding from the block labeled expression points to a box in the middle with Media and Discourse written inside. The middle points to the head on the left with an arrow with interpretation written on top. Head with Reader underneath with a block inside labeled Perceived Story end id]

Have you ever thought about art and how it affects you? I think most of you, and the people running this blog, have been on the left, but have you ever been on the right?

I think some of you haven't - or, I mean, not on a (semi)professional level. Some of you are (hello hpowell in the mentions, luv ur games btw), but some of you might one day reach that weird level of non-notoriety that is still above what anybody on a daily level which produces art may ever happen.

This isn't about that, but more on the fact that being suddenly on the right, and having ideas and a conceived story then having the story be interpreted and dissected by a non-considerable audience, and see how some developed their own perceived story. On a level from an outside perspective, I have experienced that.

For example, the Perceived story of Worm is quite different from the Conceived story. How many of you didn't realize that one of the characters rapes the other? How many of you noticed the unreliable narrator and the change of tone? How many of you noticed that people developed powers on the basis of trauma - but even those without that specific event, still recreate the cycle of trauma? I mean, this is less a 'haha you didn't get it!' and more a 'wow people really read things differently!'

By the way, Worm is kinda bad. I recommend Pact. I digress! This is an essay on Controlling the Narrative and Life Imitating Art, but I have thoughts and opinion about online fiction, and how people develop their own Perceived Story independent from the Conceived Story. Like have any of you watched the Boys?

In the box, the Peceived Story of many is that the main antagonist, a white supremacist rapist, is actually the good guy by portraying the image of a good American. You would think that's obviously wrong, and people would pick up on it, however, that's where you're wrong... because you're making those same assumptions!

Both in Worm and the The Boys (yes, I used two superhero fiction to prop DYVJ. Mix and compare at home), the Conceived Narratives are not accessible to the general audience. What did Wildbow mean by saying this 12-year-old black girl was a slut? What did The Boys's creative team mean by having a main character be raped twice and treated as a joke twice? It could mean anything. The yous at home could potential go: "Wildbow was representing the misoginoir violence that young Black girls faces, and that even someone with a positive read can still be racist" and "Wildbow actually had a racial bias while writing this bit of the story". For The Boys, it may sound something like "The Writer's team is simply using the rape-as-a-joke narrative that the comic repeatedly used as a safe way to create drama as the season ending which mirrored their love interest's arc" or "Perhaps, someone has a crude idea of what is funny, and they genuinely thought this was going to funny."

At the end of the day, neither of these entities has ever come forward to explain their reasoning for choices within their book. Is it their biases? Is it them willing to try to say something? Was it just unintentional and happened? What does this mean?

You may be thinking, where does this entire post fall in for this blog which is based on a direct line of communication (but not access) to us. In a way, this is to ensure that the Conceived Narrative of DYVJ is not kept under wraps. I think, some times, it's good for them to be, and we support people making up their interpretation of things. But it's also a question of balance: it sucks to have interpretation put on you when you have never said anything about the topic or meant something that way.

Anyways, since you are all in the left seat of this book, what is your Peceived Story of Drink of Your Villain? Do you have any questions about authorial contents? Do you think some themes may be intentional or unintentional? Do you think that potential real life biases (racism, transphobia, ableism) may be affecting how this book is written unknowingly?

Okay thank you for reading, bye bye :)

[billerak]

RWTC

As in rewatch get it because it's like team names and this fandom is obsessed with four letter acronyms and-*gets shot*

...

So… I once fixed hyperfixation by rewatching a show and taking notes about it, so imma try the same with RWBY as it's currently taking over a lot of brainpower just existing in my consciousness. I reckon if the rewatch itself doesn't remind me of how much of a mess this show is, taking notes might. Also I really wanna examine the 'Bumblebee was set up from the beginning' allegations. I'm 99.99% it wasn't but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt. Just to make it clear for any bumblebee fan who may be reading this expecting me to be converted into loving the ship: Even if there are hints this early on, their development later would still be a goddamn mess. And just for the record: I will only be taking as 'hints' things that are undeniable. The show is very explicit with its hetshit, I won't take less than that for queerness. (Don't expect this to be an essay I'll just write down whatever I wanna say at any given moment and it will be awful to read, it's basically a diary for myself).

V1: Trailers: Honestly, they're bangers. Music's great. They set up characters. If I had to rank them I'd say R-Y-W-B but I only put Black below the others because I simply like the other fights better. I know why Adam is there with Blake but it kinda feels like he steals a bit of hte spotlight. (And the Dempsey Roll reference in Yellow cannot be beaten, sorry. Well except by Ruby's sheer fucking awesomeness but ykwim). Though tbh ADAM STANDING THERE AWKWARDLY INSTEAD OF JUST JUMPING IS INSANE. YOU CAN CLEAR THAT GAP MY GUY. Also the moon is, well, inconsistent across the trailers. Like you'd think maybe there was something going on with it breaking a bit more each trailer but, no, it jumps from barely broken to even more broken than in the show in Black, then stays the same in Yellow. Which. You know. It's the little inconsistencies that make RWBY, aren't they.

On the Bees: Someone pointed out to me that 'Red like Roses' implies Blake/Yang as the beauty and the beast. I… will grant it the benefit of the doubt in this case. I mean, Monty didn't even fucking know Ruby was standing by her mother's gravestone when he did this I seriously doubt he'd thought that much ahead. But RWBY is inspired by fairy tales, so the use of beast and beauty isn't likely to be coincidental either. This is the only instance where I will grant a 'benefit of the doubt'. I'm more inclined to believe it's actually a coincidence that neatly fit into it later. Blake/Yang have absolutely nothing of the beauty and the beast in their dynamic.

Ep 1: The dust speech at the start feels a bit odd in retrospect. Dust ends up being kind of underwhelming if we look at what it actually does for the plot, it doesn't feel more important than Aura and Semblances. I'd reckon all three could have been mentioned. Is… is that moon transition at the start meant to imply the moon's been breaking off over time? Honestly the creation myth of RWBY is one of the few things I do believe was at least mildly planned from the start so I find it mildly surprising. Maybe they planned for it to break more over time but forgot about it by volume 6 and just had the gods break it all in one go? The rest of the episode is ok. I won't be commenting on the voice acting too much—this was a bit of an indie production, after all. If any particular lines are too awful maybe I'll point them out. That being said, Glenda's semblance is awfully the fucking same as magic. Cinder is using literal magic so that's ok. It really never is quite explained how or even why dust interacts with semblances, is it?

On the Bees: Nothing this ep.

Ep 2: Should I mention the fact that the show never stops to breathe, especially this early on? I guess I'll do it because then when I can be positive about a scene it'll stick out. So… yeah, the whole introduction of Team RWBY is kind of all over the place in terms of pacing. Could ahve used an extra minute or two to make the conversation a bit, well, better paced. Also do Yang's friends ever show up again? I don't think so. And I know it's meant to be comedic but Weiss just swinging about a bottle of dust feels kind of… strange. She should know how stupid that is. That aside, there's a lot of expository dialogue that probably could have been shoved into the classroom scenes. The dust, weapons, etc. Leave room for the characters to actually speak instead of explaining things everyone present should know.

On the Bees: Nothing this ep.

Ep 3: Comedy is VERY hit or miss in general, so I'll just state I… don't really find most RWBY humor funny. I see the intent and I won't criticize it, it's just not for me. On another note: White Rose is my go-to ship in the early volumes. The writers clearly got scared of how much chemistry Ruby and Weiss had so they sort of… barely interact one on one again in the future. Did you know I like Diakko? Because I like Diakko. A lot. Check my AO3. Iykyk. Anyways I don't think the sleepover scene thing is too bad. Could have made Weiss interact with Blake a bit but eh whatever.

On the Bees: So, Yang makes a very pointed comment about being into boys! Very explicit and with no interpretation required! Let's see if we can see similar hints of her bisexuality at any point prior to V6. And on the off chance a bumblebee shipper is reading this: I don't really care how much these minor instances 'don't matter'. If they're such small things, why not have them go both ways? Like, say, the perfect chance that comes up right after with fucking Blake. Which isn't taken. "noo but she says she likes her bow' it's all literal pleasantries to try to get her to talk to Ruby and the second she isn't responsive Yang's like "Nah fuck her." There's more of a romantic interaction here between Ruby and Blake than between bumblebee ffs. Also Yang so far has only shown interest in boys, as evidenced by her trailer. 'nooo she was just pretending' she wasn't pretending here now was she. Anyways if it really was planned this early on what stopped the team from just showing a bit of her bisexuality. Because she also didn't have much of a 'gay awakening' thing moment. Which you'd think they'd give her. Or Blake for that matter.

Ep 4: Nora and Ren are introduced and it's clear Nora's in love with Ren from second 1. Even if it's unclear whether Ren reciprocates or not (And I'm gonna say unclear because dude's kind of very non-emotive in general). I think it's a fine enough introduction to the characters. Weiss is VERY gay towards Pyrrha you cannot convince me otherwise. (just for clarification's sake: I mean it in a shippy way, I know it's not intentionally queer, I'm a yurifag it's what I do). Oh hey look another character getting to be very explicitly heterosexual I'm sure queer folk will get the same treatment in this incredibly inclusive show! Idk if I like Pyrrha's introduction. I guess it's efficient but… well, like everything in this scene, really it coudl use some time to breathe. I could get nitpicky and complain about a lot of things with the 'team selection process' like, uh, the fact that some students have to have died or how there has to have been some terrible teams because of the random nature of it all. And I guess I just did. But I'll also say I'm gonna let it pass because, in the end, it's funny. Also Blake didn't speak a single word this episode. Or get like. Any focus. Like idk a shot of her reacting to other people's shenanigans at least. One of the 4 mcs guys.

On the Bees: Nothing this ep… Like with Blake.

Ep 5: AU where Pyrrha misses her shot because Ruby dodged that bird, and Pyrrha's weapon struck the bird instead of Jaune and Jaune fucking dies. (<- when I say these notes are for me I mean it this is the sort of shit I think about when watching episodes of anything) Like u get what I mean? Ruby and Weiss just have so much chemistry man. I don't get what Pyrrha saw in Jaune acting like a prick back there but idk straight people are weird. And… pretty much that's all I have to say about the episode. There wasn't much of a pacing issue here because it was like, 3 scenes altogether.

Ep 6: So, Yang's supposed to absorb damage to use her semblance. At least in the later volumes. Here she just… Uses it. The trailer version had been fighting and took a few hits so it made sense there but here? And don't tell me it had no effect because she used it to obliterate that bear Grimm. Anyways I think it changes a few times through the volumes I'll be on watch for that. Yang and Blake's meeting is… fucking nothing. More at the end. The, uh, 'fight' with Ruby and Weiss wasn't animated the best. That's all imma say about it. Ok so, Aura is a manifestation of the soul and it can coat yourself and your tools for protection and presumably also enhances attacks and provides healing. Simple enough. But… the thing about understanding light and dark or whatever? Shit never comes up again. Also I seem to remember this is retconned but we'll get there when/if we get there. I don't hate the concept of Aura. Hell, it's almost exactly how I handle at least 2 magic systems I'm currently working on (sans details). I just think it's poorly utilized, being almost always just used as a magical coating and little else. The whole 'manifestation of the soul' thing rings hollow. Also does anyone else ever do the shield-aura thing Ren did here? Leaving aside my problems with Aura in general, Pyrrha's whole thing about helping Jaune manifest Aura: W H A T. T H E. F U C K. Like, did anyone on the team pause to think of the implications of this? Probably not. Definitely not. Just think about it for a second. This implies that it's possible for people with aura to help people without it manifest it. Whether the speech is important or not is irrelevant, let's say it's just something to help someone focus. That's not the freaking point. WHY woudln't they do this to everyone? If Pyrrha could do it with Jaune, who is pretty much a normal ass dude, why not do this for every citizen? It literally takes like a minute. Sure it tires the person who does it but like, what's stopping that person from turning around and doing it to someone else? Let's say it requires training to do it: Why not train people for the explicit job of unlocking other people's auras? And yes, they very explicitly state everyone has an aura, whether it's unlocked or not. Listen to me. LISTEN TO ME. You live in a society where a negative emotion will attract the monsters trying to kill you. Do you know how much safer people would feel if they knew they'd survive at least one or two hits from a Grimm? The panic you could help avoid? Grimm have this thing where they retrofeed themselves, causing panic which attracts more of them which causes more panic etc. By unlocking everyone's Aura you could help avoid or at least severely delay that problem. I don't think this is ever done again. But even if it is, the point would only get stronger, because it's clearly not something only Pyrrha can do. Anwyays back to our regular content, fight scenes with Monty are pretty good most of the time. Ren never uses his bare fists to attack again I don't think.

On the Bees: Every other pairing formed in these episodes had like. A proper exchange when they met. To show what chemistry they had together. Whether it be Weiss ignoring then coming back to Ruby, Pyrrha making a wisecrack at Jaune or Nora's and Ren's whole thing. Yang and Blake? Blake doesn't say anything, she just smirks (I think it's meant to be a smirk anyways). Yang just boasts. I understand Blake's not a very talkative individual but this tells me nothing of what their dynamic's gonna be.

Ep 7: Weiss and Ruby having really fun interactions here and then Yang and Blake have a nothingburger of an interaction. Actually, make that 2 nothingburger interactions. Jaune and Pyrrha get to be comedic here. And that's basically the episode really.

On the Bees: I don't care if bumblebee shippers read a million layers of meaning into Blake not saying shit when they first interact this episde. Fine. But Yang doesn't even have a reaction to it! She doesn't act annoyed or intrigued she literally does fucking nothing about it. Then the pony thing is like… ok. What's their dynamic here? Weiss and Ruby have a really strong dynamic already in place. Jaune and Pyrrha are building one that's at least starting to make sense. Nora and Ren had one from their first seconds together. Seriously. You wanna argue they were planned from the beginning? Well they sure seem like people who ended on the same team and shrugged and said 'whatever' and kept moving without further interaction, unlike fucking EVERYONE else. It pisses me off because you can 100% play Yang's hotheadedness against Blake's more calculating nature, but they don't fucking do that. 'Planned from the beginning' my ass, mfs couldn't even figure out how to squeeze some characterization out of their interactions.

Ep 8: The start of this episode is another case of RWBY humor not really hitting home for me. Another case of Yang just using her semblance for a tantrum. Seriosuly White Rose gets a fucking moment every episode. Yang and Blake barely fucking interact. I'm going insane. The rest of the episode is basically one big action scene, and well, it's RWBY at its best, so no real complains here. Roman is kind of awfully underutilized, isn't he.

On the Bees: I'd love to go on a rant like last episode but honestly shit still applies. The only actual interaction Yang and Blake have here is when Yang is feeling proud of Ruby, and it speaks nothing about their dynamic.

Ep 9: Last episode Blake wasn't saying shit and now she's suddenly a huge part of the redecorating efforts. The problem isn't that I think she should be a loner or aloof, the problem is that it doesnt' feel too consistent. She starts being like "leave me alone I wanna read", she barely exchanges a word with Yang later, and now she joins in on the fun? idk, maybe she could've joined in a less overt way. Other than that it's a fine scene, though it goes too fast for my liking. The classroom scene is amazing because it teaches us basically nothing, other than the mention of the 4 kingdoms. Like it says a lot of shit about 'true huntsmen' which ends up proving mostly untrue through the rest of the show. Which would be fine if it was like, a point made, but it's not really.

On the Bees: N o t h i n g.

Ep 10: More White Rose people really trying to tell me not to ship them because the bees are canon but fuck you THEIR DYNAMIC IS THE BEST PART OF EARLY RWBY. Always with the caveat of 'pacing could be better' ofc. Anyways what the fuck was up with professor moustache flirting with Yang what were they thinking. I think the Weiss/Ruby conflict could have been stretched a bit. Rather than a day, make it a week or something. Still, this is one of the better episodes of the season, iirc.

On the Bees: Nada. Zero. Nanai. But we keep getting fuel for White Rose DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY FRUSTRATION HERE. LIKE SERIOUSLY I WOUDLN'T EVEN MIND THE ABSOLUTE LACK OF ANY EXPLICIT QUEERNESS IN THESE EARLY VOLUMES IF THEY AT LEAST BOTHERED TO MAKE THE SUPPOSED 'PLANNED FROM THE BEGINNING' COUPLE INTERACT PROPERLY. NOBODY WOULD BE CASTING DOBUT TO THE CLAIM IF WHITEROSE HAD ENDED UP BEING CANON.

Ep 11: Ok, here's the thing. Aura is a manifestation of the soul. I can accept it can be measured somehow. The question here is, what exactly happens when it breaks? Like, what happens to your fucking soul? Really, I would just make it vital energy the same way ki or chakra works, because tying it to the soul like that just leads to questions. Anyways this episode is just the setup for the "jaune gets bullied arc". I'll actually not say too much about it because my own thoughts towards bullies are rather… extreme (as in, I would kill them all without hesitation were I given the chance sort of extreme). So instead of commenting on how absolutely terribly I think this arc is handled, I'll… not do that. That being said, none of team JNPR or RWBY standing up for Bunnygirl is kind of bullshit. Also, we know there's cameras everywhere on beacon, so why don't the teachers do shit? Though to be fair, teachers not doing shit about bullying is the most realistic part of this whole thing.

On the Bees: Still nothing.

Ep 12: Ok so the discussion of "making up new races to be racist towards" has been ongoing for as long as the internet has existed, probably earlier than that too. I am white, and I'm not from the US. In my country I'd say we have far more xenophobia than we do racism, and we didn't have a civil war over the the concept of freeing slaves. We just sort of did it. All of this to say: I'm not really in a position to give too pointed an opinion on the whole 'racist towards faunus' thing. With that and my refusal to speak on hte bullying topic, that kind of leaves me with little to say in general about the rest of the volume, huh. That being said, while I don't mind the Jaune/Pyrrha thing, and I do like the idea of Jaune somehow faking his way into beacon��� how? How exactly does he do that? Like, think about all the security shit we've seen over the years. How does anyone create fake transcripts? Woudln't Ozpin or Glynda call the schools of their students to make sure their records are correct? idk. Maybe Ozpin just found the idea funny.

On the Bees: Knees.

Ep 13: I like the conversation between Jaune and Ruby, though it feels a bit… random for Ruby to be saying this? I guess the idea is she matured a bit after the conversation with Ozpin but it doesn't really feel like she's at the point where she should be saying stuff like this yet. I think she and Jaune should've played off each other, instead of Ruby acting like she's experienced about this.

On the Knees: Bees. Or, actually, I think it was wasps in that box.

Ep 14: Pyrrha's semblance is later treated as though it were secret (iirc) but she certainly doesn't seem to care too much about it right now. Wouldn't it be a matter of public reacord, anyways? Like, if you go to a fighting school, I'd reckon they want to know what their fighters' semblances are. Wouldn't want to have Gorey McBloodhands walk into the next sparring session and make someone explode from the inside, know what I mean? I suppose the existence of Salem could work to explain the masking of this but… They put up public tournaments where the best fighters are literally shown to the whole world anyways, and most semblances aren't as subtle as Pyrrha's so, you know. Anyways, that moment when Jaune's aura glows… Is… that supposed to be his semblance? I think it was more just that thing Pyrrha said about Jaune having a lot of aura, but if Jaune can use his semblance on himself, well… Fuck, the implications. Jaune could be the most broken character of this cast. Should be, even. Only semblances like Tyrian's should be able to counter him.

On the Bumbles: What happened to the box of wasps anyways.

Ep 15: Ok, so the only thing I will say about the racism arc: It makes sense Weiss would be racist, I just think it comes out of nowhere, when they had at least 2 other chances to show it in the past to build up to all of this. First thing Sun does when he shows up: Flirt! With Blake! More at the bottom Anwyays previous to final episode of the volume and… we introduce 2 random ass characters out of nowhere. And no, this wasn't planned from the beginning, this was done in haste because Monty thought it'd be cool to have them in a fight scene, and it shows. Monty was a genius animator but the guy could have done a little consulting with his team, really. THAT BEING SAID. I kinda think like they did the best they could. For all my complaints, using Sun as the trigger for Wiess's rampant racism (even though it could've been built up to) is effective enough. And… Ok Penny is a bit superfluous and she… doesn't really add anything to the scene other than being a literal obstacle, but, uh, could be worse really. I didn't much care for penny back in the day, but I do love Penny after V7-8, much as her revival bothers me (I remember when they claimed that no, Penny couldn't be brought back to life despite being a machine. You really want me to believe their claims about other stuff when they pull shit like that? You know the whole racism argument could have been a moment for Yang and Ruby to actually partake in the conversation. Especially yang since, you know, they were totally planned as a couple from the beginning.

On the Bees: Nothing! But Sun had a moment with Blake! Two, actually! And Sun's gonna be the one getting the infodump first. Like, dude's really gonna connect more and more deeply with Blake over a cup of fucking coffee than Yang has in literal months- "But no guys you don't understand there was never anything going on there clearly it was nothing it had no narrative impact it was meaningless fr fr" I'll say more about this over the volumes because holy fuck the level of cope is amazing here. I know I'm gonna sound like a goddamn hetfag complaining about this but you seriously need to understand I'm a yuri connoisseur I fucking hate heterosexuality (in media. real heterosexuals are ok sometimes) (this is a joke but only if the previous comment offended you if not it's real)

Ep 16: Well I already said my piece about Blake telling her backstory to Sun rather than her teammates. Way to go Yang, sticking up for Blake in the face of Weiss's continued racism. How effective is it to hold someone at gun/knifepoint, given the existence of Aura? If Blake tried to slit Roman's throat, even with a shot, its unlikely she'd be able to pierce through the aura, right? Cool fights are cool. Ok, racism arc aside, I do think it's kind of a problem that Weiss just… solves her racism because she 'thought about it'. Like, bitch wasn't even confronted about it, you get me? I like the idea of the 'reunion', the problem is… it doesn't feel earned. Pacing issues, like usual, but especially awful here.

On the Bees: N O T H I N G BLAKE WAS MISSING FOR HALF A DAY AND WEISS HAD MORE OF A REUNION WITH HER AND RUBY HAD MORE OF A REACTION.

Anyways, V1 finished. Veredict? It's a mess. It's RWBY. Despite all the criticisms I've thrown its way, I believe I enjoyed it more this second time than the first, to be quite honest.

And no, this volume did absolutely nothing to convince me that Bumblebee was planned from the start. In fact it kind of pushed me in the opposite direction. Like, the VA's really shipped this from the start? Fucking why? They barely interact, when they do it's fucking dry, and Blake has deeper moments of connection with the other two members of RWBY than with Yang. I am genuinely astounded anyone would believe the claims the bee's were always meant as endgame. Fucking hell.

On a completely separate note: Pyrrha doesn't pass the Bechdel Test for volume 1. Yes I kept track of this.

RWTC 2

[jay-avian]

Finding True Inspiration

So I read this book for one of my creative writing classes called Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott (I highly recommend for anyone wanting advice on writing) and I came across a chapter that was really helpful in terms of truly being inspired to write your pieces. The chapter starts out by saying:

"If you find that you start a number of stories or pieces that you don't ever bother finishing, that you lose interest or faith in them along the way, it may be that there is nothing at their center about which you care passionately."

I firstly felt very called out by this fact. But then I kept reading, and I understood. In this essay, I will try and explain what it means to write morally without being preachy.

Essentially what Lamott is saying is that everyone has some truth they must share, some core concepts in which you believe passionately and whole-heartedly. It is these concepts that drive a story. She's not of course saying to have some overall moral or message to your story. But characters in a book are in fact human, or at least have humanoid consciouses. Because of this, they are beautifully and wonderfully complex, just as humanity is.

You may want to write your stories because you got a cool worldbuilding idea or you want to use a cool character concept. You may want to include some really cool quotes you thought of in the shower or at 3am in bed. But as you write, "...what seems to happen almost organically is that you end up wanting your characters to act out the drama of humankind. Much of this drama does not involve witticisms and shimmer. Yet this drama is best couched in moral terms; the purpose of most great writing seems to be to reveal in an ethical light who we are." We inevitably make our characters into ourselves and those around us. As unrealistic as the world we throw them in may be, good characters should always provide a sense of grounding for the reader and a good foundation for the writer.

Why do we like the books that we do? What makes us drawn to certain characters? A good story is driven by good characters, this is a lesson I'm sure we've all been taught at some point in class or on the internet. But why is this? It is, in fact, because those characters are driven by much of the same things we are, "...they internalize some decency in the world... They let us see that there is in fact some sort of moral compass still at work here, and that we, too, could travel by this compass if we so choose." The plot only leads our characters together. And though they may find themselves lost, their compass still knows the way, unfaltering.

In my classes, we are taught the difference between "literary" works vs genre works. Literary works have some sort of lesson of life within them, while genre is very plot heavy and typically is predictable. I began resenting this esteemed view of literary and nonfiction is much better than genre, it means so much more. But of course, there are quite a number of genre works that can be considered literary: Lord of the Rings, Frankenstein, The Narnia Chronicles, Beowulf, to name a few notable ones. Some of the "classics" as they're called do have the intention of teaching some moral lesson. But this moral message doesn't have to always be a lesson; it's something you must care about passionately. We know that we live in a world of greedy dragons, we don't need reminders of this. Instead, tell us how we should live, how we should care. "A moral position is not a slogan, or wishful thinking. It doesn't come from outside or above. It begins inside the heart of a character and grows from there." Don't just write about the truth, write about your truth. Only then can you be truly attached to your writing. Only then can your readers be as in love with your story as you are.

(p.s. - I wrote this instead of actually writing an essay for school)

[shmowder]

I opened my game to check when I played, and it was in April & May of 2022! No wonder I'm operating almost entirely on vibes alone out here. I also checked my intended difficulty save and I died 10 times, and Maria, Eva, both Stamatins, Murky, and Notkin (😭) had died by the end. So, not spectacular, but not half the town either.

You mentioned not being super familiar with Anna in one of your posts; she's the one I seemed to interact with the least, as well. As far as Yulia and Victor go, one thing I really like about them is that they'll both go to visit at the theater if they're healthy ♡

Thanks for putting together that age chart (and for pointing me in the direction of the P1 Wiki)! P1 Victor really doesn't look 58 but I'll buy it for P2 Victor. Big Vlad is younger than him?? What? Pretty much everyone who is supposed to be in their 20s, I'd guessed to be in their 30s... maybe I'm just bad at interpreting ages 😂 Well, I'm going to tell myself they're in their 30s in P2 :P

The animal + body part thing is so cool! A flamingo, huh. I never would've thought of that, but it makes sense the way you explain it. For Aglaya, I was thinking crow as well, even if it's a little on-the-nose. I love that you mentioned a mourning dove, they are my favorite kind of bird! I've got to go to work soon, but I hope I can spend some more time later thinking of answers to your questions!

Thank you for being so kind! I love your responses (you put so much thought into them, wow) and I'm excited to read the essay <3

🐿️ anon

Yeah Victor really doesn't look that old, let alone older than both Big Vlad and Alexander. The P1 ages are probably just after thoughts the dev team added in the VK posts without considering the timeline or ingame models.

Like you're telling me a 16y old Artemy was best friends with a 13y old kid Rubin? three years is absolutely massive when you're that young, especially when you're at the edgy age of 16.

Or that Caspar is ten?? TEN? A 13 year old Notkin is having beef with a literal ten year old oh my god.

How in God's green earth is Anna 18? A TEEN? I thought she was 35- Aglaya being around Maria's 26 age was also a shock, so was General Block being 40. Aren't they a little too young to hold such high positions of power?

Tho, I do like how Capella is the oldest of the termites. It's fitting, especially with her being the wisest and their leader.

And oh my god. Murky is 8. EIGHT. That's third grade elementary school eight. That's still learning how to write and read eight. That's " just learned the table of multiplication and struggling with anything past number 5" Eight years old.

WHO IS LETTING AN EIGHT YEAR OLD SLEEP IN A BROKEN TRAIN CAR ALONE IN THIS DANGEROUS TOWN FULL OF NIGHT LOOTERS ANDS EASY TO ACQUIRE GUNS.

I am going to personally strangle Victor Kain to death for not building that school and decided that another useless stairway to heaven should take priority. THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN THE BUILDING WHERE MURKY LEARNS HER ALPHABET >:( HOW IS SHE GOING TO KNOW THAT "A" IS FOR "APPLE" NOW HUH? HOW IS SHE GOING TO LEARN THAT THE COW GOES MOO AND THE SHEEP GOES BAAA >:(

I see your vision with Aglaya's animal being a crow. It's classic and fitting. She is one of the few inquisitors who go against the stereotypical manipulation and rather set all their cards on the table when facing a problem, at least that's how her mentor used to behave and she took after him. That's why I thought of a mourning dove, it's a clear contrast against a cunning crow. I'm glad to hear they're your favourite birds! Birds are such a treat for humanity, i feel so bad we don't treat doves and pigeons with the same kindness we extend to cats and dogs.

Crows can be friendly and kind despite the public perception of them, which fits Aglaya. Everyone looks at her and assumes she is trying to manipulate them or get inside their head, just like people look at a crow as a bad omen despite it being another lovely bird just trying to survive out there.

Thank you so much for your sweet messages <3 I appreciate them a lot and your patience when it comes to me taking time to reply ah- I'd love to hear those ideas eventually when you're ready to share them.

[gaysindistress]

LOVED the bucky imagine with them having a secret crush on each other, and y/n confessing before her date❤️ But there was WAY TOO LITTLE GROVELING😭 I need Bucky to be begging her for forgiveness after all he made her go through. I mean, SHE WAS HAVING PANIC ATTACKS FOR GOD SAKE. If you make a part 2, please include some grovelling for my sanity❤️

Hey babes,

It’s time we have a discussion about the expectations surrounding requests.

I’m very grateful and appreciative of the ones that I’ve received as well as all of the new people and support. With this influx, I’ve noticed a few things that I feel need to be addressed when it comes to requests. Id like to acknowledge that the overwhelming majority of people have been very kind and understanding. I’d also like to say that this is not meant to be negative or an attack on anyone and I was already planning on adding a similar note to my guidelines. Moving right along…

First and foremost, requests are not a guarantee.

I do my best to write all of them however I can’t guarantee that I will as not everything will work with my muse. I don’t think it’s fair to post a fic that isn’t up to my personal standards simply because it’s a request. I want everything on my blog to reflect the love and respect I have for writing which means I’ll only post what I feel is good quality. I’m also not going to force myself to write something just because someone asked me to. Again it goes against my quality over quantity rule (which applies my non requested fics as well).

Secondly, writing is a hobby for me.

As much as I would love to get paid to write and post, I don’t. This is all done simply because i want to. I have a very busy life outside of tumblr so my free time is limited and there’s even less to devote to my blog. I also started posting as a form of self care and in order to keep it that way, I give myself limits on how much time I devote to writing and working on my blog. Obviously I’m more active some days than others or not at all and that is okay. Personally I would much rather see a writer go MIA for a few weeks so they can recoup than watch them lose their passion entirely and disappear.

Third and finally, remember to always be kind and have empathy.

It’s easy to forget that there is person behind the username and profile picture. Even though our words may be typed, they still have an effect on people and we have to be mindful of that.

In regard to this particular ask, I truly believe that this person only meant to give feedback and did not intend to insult me. However the fact still remains that I was genuinely hurt by it and even cried when I first read it. Now that I’ve had the day to reflect, I understand what they were trying to say despite the poor word choice which leads me to my next point.

While I don’t believe it wasn’t meant to be hurtful, this is a backhanded compliment and not how you give appropriate feedback. Giving feedback can be very complicated because it’s easy to say and mean one thing but it comes across the complete opposite way.

If you’re going to give someone feedback, always make sure to say something positive it is important to let people know what they are doing well addition to what needs improvement. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate essay where their usage of tone words is analyzed. It can be as simple as commenting on how well they described the setting.

Second; be specific about what needs improvement. If you’re making food and ask someone to taste it because something isn’t right, you wouldn’t want them to just say “yeah it’s missing something.” You would want to be told exactly what is missing and how much to add. The same thing applies to writing. Tell the writer exactly what needs improvement and be prepared to explain your thoughts. In this case, “add more groveling” is the “yeah it’s missing something.” There aren’t specifics for me to focus on and brainstorm for. Making specific recommendations like “I would like to see more of the panic attacks so the audience gets a better feel for how deeply his behavior affected her” are going to give a writer more to work with and thus produce better results.

And lastly a writer is not required to accept feedback. I feel like this is pretty self explanatory; feedback is someone’s opinion and no one is required to listen to it.

All in all, I’m not trying to bash this anon and I hope that if they read this, they don’t see it that way. Had this not been an anon, I would have addressed it privately and just added something simple to my guidelines like I said in the beginning.

Once again thank you for all of the support and encouragement. It means so much more than I can ever say 💕

Love,

Rose 🌹

[lionheartslowstart]

Claire

Back in 2019, my relationship with my best friend of 20 years ended. I won’t rehash all the details, or tell the whole story, but suffice it to say it was an extremely volatile, and in many ways, traumatic, breakup.

It’s been about four years since it happened. So of course with time and reflection, my feelings towards her, and even the situation itself, have changed. Not drastically mind you, but still noticeably different. I find that when I think about my ex best friend, whom I have referred to on here as “Claire,” my feelings are increasingly mixed. Much more mixed than they were at the time.

Claire and I had known each other since Kindergarten. We grew up together. We shared many special moments. And despite how everything came crashing down in the end, I will always love her, and love her in a way I don’t think I could ever love anyone else.

That said, again, our friend-breakup was nothing short of a cataclysm. I mean it was really, really bad. I still hold a lot of resentment, anger, and pain in my heart over the whole thing. Claire hurt me in ways I never ever thought she would, or even could, honestly. Hers was a betrayal that I genuinely don’t think could ever be equalled by anyone else, simply due to both the magnitude of that betrayal, as well as the high position she held in my life. Even if I wanted to, I could never fully forgive her for what she put me through.

Yet, I truly don’t believe Claire is a bad person. I never thought Claire was a bad person. In fact (and I’ve said this many times), I would say that Claire is the only one to abuse me whom I can say with certainty is a good person.

Like I said, I watched Claire grow up. And I’m sorry to say I watched her become an extremely embittered person. At first it hurt simply to watch it happen. Then it hurt because I was on the receiving end of that bitterness. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s much easier to target rage at those with whom you are the most comfortable than it is to target rage at those who have truly wronged you.

Don’t get me wrong, I, too, am an extremely bitter person. But I don’t lash out at other people the way she did. (At least, I hope not!) I take responsibility when I do something harmful to the people I care about. I listen. I acknowledge that just because I am a traumatized person, that does not mean that I am the victim in every situation. I’ll be honest, I used to do those things. But I worked my butt off to unlearn those behaviors and toxic coping mechanisms. For all I know, Claire may have done that work as well by now, but she certainly hadn’t at the time. 

But again, all of that said, I am adamant that Claire is good. I can’t see her any other way. She was just so angry. And I wish with all my heart there was something I could have done to help her.

I’ve always stood by the opinion that I didn’t do anything wrong. I could write an entire essay about everything Claire did to hurt me, but every time I asked her what I had done that made me such a “selfish, bad friend” (her words), all she would tell me is that I wasn’t listening to her, that I never listened to her, and so there was no point in her explaining further. Which, of course, endlessly confused me because, isn’t that exactly what I was trying to do? She was genuinely horrid to me for four months, and I never ever knew why. In my mind, she invented some reason to push me away, and then did so in the most violent way possible. Even a mutual friend told me they asked her directly what I had done, and she couldn’t them give a real answer either.

It’s difficult for me to consider I may have done something to hurt Claire. Especially considering how hard I fought for our friendship while she was nothing but cold and nasty to me. Just one example is during the three months leading up to the end, I asked her repeatedly what was bothering her, since I knew she had started avoiding me. And she just kept telling me she was fine and I was imagining it. I feel I did everything in my power to try to understand where she was coming from, and to try and fix things. I believe with all my heart that I was a good friend. Not a perfect friend. But a good one.

As time has passed, I’ve begun to wonder, could I have hurt her in some way? Could I have said something, or done something, anything, to make her feel the way she did? Sadly, even if that is the case, all that tells me is that she didn’t care about our friendship as much as I did. She had so many opportunities, both during our friendship and during this conflict, to express her feelings and needs to me, and try to work things out, and she chose not to. She chose to let her resentment build instead of just talking to me, and then she just threw everything away. Very easily, I might add.

Even so, I miss her. How could I not? She was such a major part of my life for more than 2/3rds of it! For many years she lived ten minutes away from me, and I saw her almost every day. Most of the time we would just sit in silence, watching TV or going on a drive. We didn’t need it to be anything more, or anything else. Our friendship was special, and nothing else can or will ever replace it.

Make no mistake! I LOVE my best friend. We have our own special relationship, as I have known her since we were 12, and we have gone through some quite unique trials and tribulations that have brought us closer together. She is, far and away, the kindest, warmest person I have ever known. She is literal sunshine. I wouldn’t trade her for anyone or anything in the entire world. Even if, by some miracle, Claire and I ever worked things out, she could never replace my best friend. Never in a million years. Truthfully, she has almost always been a much better friend to me than Claire was in the last several years of our friendship.

Still, none of that takes away from the feelings I will always have for Claire.

We have texted back and forth a handful of times over the course of the last few years. No matter what, I’m glad we’ve been able to have that kind of distant relationship. Several months back, maybe even a year ago at this point, I spoke to Claire on the phone for the first time since everything ended between us. We both cried and told each other we still loved each other no matter what, and always will. It was a really beautiful moment. I’ve spoken to her maybe once since then, and that’s been it. And I have a feeling that will be it for the rest of our lives.

I think about Claire a lot. I sincerely hope things are going well for her, and that she’s happy. I often find myself wondering if there was anything that could have been done. Maybe if I had been more observant, or if she had been more direct. 

I do also think the difference in our neurotypes probably contributed to our friendship ending. Not that Claire would ever consciously end a friendship with someone for being autistic. But we had very different needs and methods of communication, and she would get very angry with me for things I simply cannot control. Sometimes I wonder if things might have been different if I had gotten my autism diagnosis sooner. But I’m not sure it would have made a difference.

There are so many what ifs. So many things I wonder about, that if only x or y had been different, would we still be friends? But deep down in my heart, I know that it could not have been different. I think that, with the given circumstances being what they were, there was nothing that could change the outcome. We were always going to end up where we did.

Twice since the falling out I communicated to Claire that, should she ever want to grab coffee and catch up, I would be open to that. The first time by letter (yes, the snail mail kind, what do you want I’m old fashioned), and the second time over text. The first time she basically told me she didn’t know how to respond, and the second time she told me she was interested, but she had too much going on at the time to put effort into planning it. Both times I told her I was here if she ever changed her mind. But she has never pursued it, so I guess I have my answer. It hurts, but I know it’s probably for the best.

Besides, the fact is, even if Claire did want to meet up for coffee some day, I know it would be a bad idea. It’s truly devastating, but I just don’t think we can be in each other’s lives, and I need to accept that.

--------------------

Friends

by Ian McConnell

I wish coffee made your teeth whiter I wish p*rn was good for your brain I wish artists didn't need money I wish billionaires were less vain I wish cheese were not so expensive I wish doing taxes was fun I wish one night stands were romantic I wish guys could c*m more than once I wish ice cream made you more healthy I wish weed was good for your heart I wish exercise were less sweaty I wish drinks were cheaper in bars I wish we could all be less racist And I wish the Bible made sense I wish phones were not so addictive And I wish we coulda stayed friends When our never-meant-to-be relationship ended All the life we lived and now we're strangers again All the time we put in All the things that we've been I wish I had known what I wanted I wish you had never got mean I wish we had started off honest I wish I had made you feel seen I wish you were less narcissistic I wish I had known how to help Wish you coulda seen what I loved in you Instead of hating yourself I wish I had met you when Covid Wasn't fucking up our whole lives I wish both of us were less lonely From our months of staying inside I wish (you) were more understanding I wish (I was) way less intense Maybe then you could still stand me 'Cause I wish we coulda stayed friends When our never-meant-to-be relationship ended All the life we lived and now we're strangers again All the time we put in All the things that we've been And it isn't all your fault But some of it is And some of it's mine And some of it's just Bad timing And shitty circumstances I wish Amazon were less evil I wish climate change were a hoax Wish I didn't have to be sad as fuck To write my funniest jokes I wish you would someday forgive me I swear I was trying my best And I know it wasn't an option But I wish we coulda stayed friends When our never-meant-to-be relationship ended All the life we lived and now we're strangers again All the time we put in All the things that we've been I just wish we coulda stayed friends When our never-meant-to-be relationship ended All the life we lived and now we're strangers again All the time we put in All the things that we've been I just wish we coulda stayed Just wish we coulda stayed

[undertale-data]

[Image Description: An Undertale chat box that has “WHY FANS LOVE UNDERTALE” at its center. Next to it are a line chart and an Egg from the Dating Hub on its left, and a CRIME measurer (also from the Dating Hub) on its right. End I.D.]

[Image Description: a pie chart titled, “LEVEL OF LOVE FOR UNDERTALE.” The textbox on the top right reads, “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the highest, how much do fans enjoy Undertale?” From the top going clockwise, 12 or 0% chose 5 and below; 23 or 1% chose 6; 98, or 4%, chose 7; 325, or 12%, chose 8; 529, or 20%, chose 9; and 1664, or 63%, chose 10. End I.D.]

It’s clear from all of the data analyzed so far that fans who took the time to answer our survey love Undertale. It is unlikely that they would have taken the time to answer so many questions if they had not, and even less likely that they would have come across our survey in the first place. Naturally, it comes as no surprise that 63% of our responders gave their love for Undertale a score of ten out of ten. 95% gave their love for Undertale a score of eight or higher, and only 12 responders responded with five or below, a number so small that their responses had to be lumped together to be visible on the pie chart. Of those, only 3 responders gave their love for Undertale a score of 1, and based on those responders’ other answers, it is likely that they were only intending to troll. We are very fortunate that the vast majority of responders took the survey seriously, enough so that responses like this are barely a blip in the data.

Now, for our final analysis post of the event, we will delve into the reasons that fans love Undertale so dearly.

(Essay and highlights under the cut.)

There have been countless essays on the impact that Undertale has had on people’s lives. I can hardly add more on the subject than what has already been said, but I hope this summary can provide a brief overview of what stood out among the over two thousand answers given in response to this survey. That said, due to the sheer volume of answers, I could not read every single one in depth—however, I did skim all of them, and some that stood out or were representative of several responses have been highlighted below. If you would like to see what every fan who consented to share their response had to say, you may view the full list of responses here. Note that these responses have not been edited in any way. This document may take a long time to load, as it is over 100 pages long.

(Warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts in the following essay.)

Several responders loved the theme of choices mattering in Undertale. Whether people played the pacifist, merciless, or neutral routes, they enjoyed how the game reacted to their actions. For some, it even made them consider their own morality. One touching response explained the impact that the theme of mercy made on them. “I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.” Many fans left similar comments about how the themes of Undertale made them better people.

Undertale changed how its fans treat others, and it also changed how fans treat themselves. The theme of staying determined and the messages of hope in the game were a light to a very large portion of fans. I cannot list all of the fans who said that Undertale helped them out of a dark place, or that they would not be alive if not for Undertale. “DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.”

Undertale brought fans together in unexpected ways. Some said they met friends or significant others through the fandom. “I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale,” one fan said. A different fan who is non-native English speaking mentioned that the game and the fan community helped them to learn English.

It would be impossible to discuss Undertale without mentioning the fan community. Whether for good or bad, many responders mentioned the fandom in their responses. Overall the feelings towards the fandom seem positive, though many made references to “toxic” parts of the fandom without specifying which parts they consider toxic. Others rejected the idea of toxicity in fandom. One response said: “[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!”

One thing that makes the Undertale fandom unique is the way it embraces various AUs. Some fans are tired of AU content, but the majority of responses show a love for the creativity behind AUs. “Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.” The lack of a judgemental atmosphere seems present in the AU community, according to the responses we saw. There is an interesting balance between AU and canon (sometimes referred to as “classic”) content that another responder pointed out: “The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertale fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)”

Regardless of the many AUs the fandom has created over the years, the original game of Undertale still feels like home for many fans. They wished they could reclaim the feeling of playing the game again for the first time, but even though we can’t reset time in real life, there is still a special feeling for fans each time they play Undertale. One fan said, “Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.” This feeling is one that can be cherished time and time again. In the words of another responder: “It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it.” Others pointed out the strength of the found family trope in Undertale, which likely contributes to this feeling of “home” as well.

As mentioned briefly earlier, the music is part of what makes Undertale feel like home for fans. Even when responses focused on other aspects of the game, many would throw in a comment about the soundtrack at the end. One comment focused on the music said “IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.” Like with the game itself, the music has incredible replay value, an amazing feat considering most of the tracks use the same few motifs. “I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story,” another responder said. “They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.”

If the music sticks with fans in their hearts, then the game’s lore sticks with fans in their minds. Even six years after the release of Undertale, fans are still creating new theories and digging up new secrets. The way the game breaks the fourth wall in particular intrigued many fans and has stuck out through all these years. The awareness that the game shows for the RPG genre makes it memorable. The game plays with the player’s expectations and turns them on their heads, all while reminding the player that they’re in a game. There are few other games that do this on such a large scale, so it’s no surprise that fans cite this as one of their favorite things about Undertale.

Lastly, the LGBT+ representation in Undertale has been a huge draw for fans. Especially in 2015, the sheer volume of non-cishet characters was unprecedented, as one fan pointed out: “It's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. Hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. It's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.” The LGBT+ cast including Frisk, Chara, Napstablook, Monster Kid, Mettaton, Alphys, and Undyne each connected with fans in unique ways. It’s clear how important this is from responses such as: “There are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.” “It made me gay and trans so thanks for that.”

Once again I am overwhelmed with just how much there is to say about Undertale. One responder really understood when they compared Undertale to an iceberg, explaining that there are so many layers to the game that there is something for everyone: “everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans—from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers—is the mark of the coolest games!” I would have to agree with them.

It’s been six years, and despite everything, it’s still you. Thank you for reading, participating in this survey, and above all, staying determined.

Highlights:

DETERMINATION became a metaphor for not killing myself at a really rough time in my life and I’ll always cherish that. Undertale isn’t afraid to go to really dark places but at the same time holds on so tight to its hope.

I think the coolest thing was having the opportunity to watch the AU community grow from its bare roots. It's nearly insane how big and complex it's gotten, unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Roll your eyes at the 50th AU Sans all you want, it's encouraging people to step outside the boundaries of fanart and pushing people to make their own ideas! I mean, hell, it was how I gained the confidence to start making my own original content.

i love how the lgbt rep is so naturalized... there are just gay people! and its nobodys business!

The music is my go to answer, but what I really really REALLY love is how the minor characters have so much personality to them when you talk to them. They aren't incredibly important to the overall story, but they're all so likeable and diverse that you just can't help but like them immediately!

I think it was the first videogame I have played that broke the fourth wall that much. Of course there has been other videogames that broke it but just for one or two tongue-in-cheek jokes. The guilt of killing mama goat was also something intense as well that I appreciated as an experience and that I didn't think a videogame could cause on someone.

I love how no character can be seen as completely bad! Everyone builds up Asgore as some horrible villain, but he turns out to be a 'fuzzy pushover' who's broken and just wants his family back by the time you meet him. Then you think Flowey's an irredeemable killer who engineered the suffering of the monsters across many timelines, and he is... but he also used to be the kind and beloved Prince Asriel Dreemurr, traumatized by his death and subsequent rebirth, projecting his best friend onto you.

The fact that choices matter in the game. Your first playthrough and getting the golden ending for the first time. I can never replicate those feelings again, wish I could erase my memories and replay the game from the start.

I wouldn't have met my now husband without Undertale.

(Toxic parts of the fandom aside) The community is possibly one of the kindest I've ever met. Cringe culture is completely dead, and I feel like I can be myself. I felt a very close connection to many of the characters, and I loved consuming content about them when I was in a rough patch in my life.

just everything, the whole game has just impacted my life so much. i know it sounds really lame, but when the game first came out, i would purposely put my hands in my pockets and sway slightly, like sans' idle animation. of course i dont do that anymore haha, but undertale still really impacts me to this day, and i wouldnt have it any other way :)

it made me gay and trans so thanks for that

I realized that Mercy isn't something that's given to those who deserve it. Flowey didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it myself. Shoot, we ALL need Mercy in our lives.

The thing I love most about Undertale is no matter how many times I play or watch a playthrough it always makes me genuinely happy. It always feels welcoming like home or like comfort food that I never grow tired of no matter how many times I go to it. Toriel still makes me feel all warm and cozy in her home, the Skelebros always make me laugh, and I still cry on the inside watching Frisk comforting Asriel. And on the flip side the No Mercy run still invokes the negative emotions in me as well. In short Undertale just feels like a second home to me and I always wish I could stay.

The reader inserts are my favorite way to decompress after a hard day

I think Undertale helped me discover my love for 8-bit games, and made me realize how IMPORTANT music is in video games.

the worldbuilding and character design are my favorite parts of the main game apart from the music! I’m also a huge fan of the random AU music- not for like underswap or underfell i like the stuff where someone makes a megalovania for a random au where gru from despicable me replaces sans as the character. i think its funny

Just... the vibe, honestly? Even the best fics I've read can't capture that feeling of nostalgia/almost-"coming home" that comes with hearing the music and talking to the characters.

there are canon nonbinary characters 🥺. i have never seen representation of myself before.

[SLAMS FIST ON DESK] I KNOW MOST PEOPLE SAY THE FANDOM IS TOXIC AND CRINGE OR WHATEVER BUT OH MY GOD. The Undertale fandom, both the UTMV and the actual UT fandom, has been so much fun to be a part of. I've met countless friends because of our shared interest in something related to the game! The art people create can be breathtaking and so inspirational, and the fanfics are so so good!! I've seen people write incredible things for this fandom and it's what made me continue writing!

There's a scene where Frisk (the player) is going towards what is presumably going to be their death. They will fight Asgore and he will use their human soul to break the barrier and free his people. The music, despite the player's impending doom, is... triumphant. You are not the triumphant one here, and yet, the score invites you to experience the monsters' joy and happiness as they tell you the tale of their subjugation. The monsters are going to be free. This is their victory, but they don't hate you or want you to die. They're just... happy. That scene has always struck me very deeply. I feel it represents the best parts of Undertale.

I loved how well thought out the Geno route was. It really made me feel like I was doing something horrible, and the characters were very obviously reacting to dire circumstances.

I dunno? I like Undertale for it's characters, story, music, secrets and many more. I am not good with Headcanons but I also like the neutral endings and how different they can depending on who you spare and kill

I was very bad at english before, i thought i couldn't progress because i was very shy and not confident. But my sibling and i wanted to have the best experience with this game so we wanted to play it in english. It's this game and the fandom which helped me to make huge progress in english !

THE SOUNDTRACK. IT'S SO GOOD like I will literally go through the entire thing over and over and not be bored with it. It makes my monkey brain so happy you have no idea.

to avoid writing an essay i will say one word. Mettaton

It is like Toby specifically made the games to fit the iceberg meme and it's awesome, everyone can find something to enjoy in the lore/game regardless of what kind of fan they are! Being able to appeal to various types of fans - from simple happy shipper people to deep dive lorediggers is the mark of the coolest games!

I love almost everything about Undertale as a game on its own. The music, the art and especially the characters and how they interact. They made me feel at home. Undertale means a huge amount to me. (I even got a tattoo of the castle when you and MK walk together!) The fandom helped keep the game alive all these years, with all of its AUs. Although personally, I always enjoyed AUs that kept characters as close to the classic material as possible (dancetale, outertale) I do appreciate the creativity of the fandom. They almost created entirely new stories with new characters of their own! If it weren't for those people, the Undertake fandom would have probably not been as active as it is now. I do feel like we're getting a resurgence of classic content now too! (In 2021)

the mystery. toby fox refused to give answers to anything and i think thats very sexy of him.

I just feel guilty for liking it so much when I'm in my 30's. But I recently got diagnosed with ASD, so I guess it explains things a bit. Many ppl consider Papyrus to be neurodivergent, and some adult fans are too, so seeing that makes me feel a bit better.

i think about "Despite everything, it's still you" everyday of my life.

I like how it's just as funny as it can be serious. All routes are this way. I laughed as much as I cried when I played the Pacifist route and then once I opened the game again and Flowey was telling me to let them be happy, I immediately turned off the game. I somehow felt bad.

The Found Family Trope

The True Pacifist Ending is just...man. And the fanworks about saving everyone even when the game doesn't let you? MANNNNNN

I think what I like the most about Undertale is how the music attaches you to the story. They're simple melodies that stick with you throughout the whole game, and they can remind you of both good and bad times.

there's honestly a LOT to love about this game, but i think one of my favorite things about it is just how many lgbt+ characters there are??? i can think of alphys, undyne, frisk, chara, mettaton, napstablook, monster kid, asgore, mad mew mew, the dress lion, the royal guards, and arguably even papyrus off of the top of my head, but im sure i'm forgetting a few from just undertale alone (there's even MORE in deltarune)!! it's practically unheard of to see so MANY from just one source, especially during its heyday in 2015-16. hell, you can't even GET the true pacifist ending without helping two gay couples hook up. it's really nice to see all of them being accepted for who they are and not judged for their sexuality or gender, at least in-canon.

[Image description: A wordcloud in the shape of the capitalized word UNDERTALE. The text is white on a black background, and uses the font found in the game. Some of the most visible words are: Game, Love, Music, Life, AU, Store, Friend, and Feel, which represent the most common words in the essays people wrote about their love for the game. End of ID]

[talatomaz]

lockdown | jj x fem!teen!reader

a/n: i can’t believe that a year ago today, the last ever episode of criminal minds aired. i miss jj so much 🤧

this is sort of in line with my own experiences (to a certain extent). and there’s not as much jj x d!r as i’d intended but I hope you still like it.

(feedback/positive comments are appreciated)

requested by @ouat2017 : “could you do a jj x daughter where the daughter’s school is on lockdown and jj is worried or something like that?”

warnings: gun violence. blood

word count: 2.6k

masterlist | request list | request rules

r is jj’s 18 year old adopted daughter and suddenly finds herself on lockdown after someone brings a gun into her school

i do not give you permission to repost or translate my fics on any platform - likes/reblogs are okay and are much appreciated

“Look, you’re the one that needs to be tutored so can you please focus?”

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest in annoyance.

You were currently in the tutoring centre trying to help a self-absorbed jock pass English so he could remain on the school’s football team.

Looking around you, you saw a handful of students giving both you and Cameron - the man-child you were tutoring - disparaging looks.

“You’re not supposed to be yelling at me. You’re meant to be telling me the answers.”

The aforementioned narcissist leaned against his chair, smirking at you in a way that made you fight to hide a shudder.

You could have easily wiped the grin off his face by mentioning who your mother was and who she worked for but instead, you decided to just continue ignoring his advances and carry on teaching him.

“That’s not how this works, Cameron. Now either you listen to me or you fail and get kicked off the team. And quite frankly, I’d rather the latter happen.”

You watched as his brows furrowed in confusion. Sighing, you answered, “latter means the second thing of two things mentioned in a sentence. Now, for the love of God, just finish writing your paragraph on Heller's satire of capitalism in Catch-22.”

You let out a breath of relief when he finally relented and started to scribble on his sheet of paper. You glanced over at one of your friends, who was also tutoring for extra credit, and smiled when she rolled her eyes at Cameron’s actions.

Leaning against the large desk that stood at the front of the room, you relished in the long-awaited silence aside from hushed whispers that came from other students asking for help.

Taking out your phone, you glanced at the screen to see that it was only midday and soon the lunch bell would be ringing.

You smiled softly at your lock screen.

It was a photo of you and JJ, your adoptive mother.

It was taken a few weeks prior at your 18th birthday party. You’d been living with JJ for almost 5 years now; her having fostered you before later adopting you when you were 14.

You still didn’t know what she saw in you on that day you’d first met her - you’d lost your family in a home invasion, barely surviving yourself - but whatever it was, you were grateful because you’d gotten a second chance at life.

Several minutes passed and you’d only broken from your train of thought when you heard someone clearing their throat beside you.

Looking over your shoulder, you saw your friend, the one who’d rolled her eyes earlier at Cameron, standing beside you.

“I see you finally got him to do his work.” She whispered, loud enough for your ears only.

“Barely. He still has an essay to write and hasn’t even finished a paragraph yet.”

“I would have smacked his sorry ass by now.”

You laughed before clamping your hand over your mouth, her comment having caught you off guard.

“Ally!” You whisper-shouted, playfully hitting her arm.

She looked at you with a raised eyebrow causing you to smirk, “Trust me, I’ve thought about it but-”

Before you could finish your sentence, a large bang rang out, shattering the silence the room had once held.

With wide eyes, your head whipped to the door where the gunshot had presumably come from and you listened as the hallways were filled with panicked screams.

Running to the door, ignoring the gasps and shouts from the other students behind you, you turned the lock on the door, pulled down the blinds, switched off the lights and jammed a chair under the handle.

Looking up, you saw everyone had the same look of panic in their eyes; a few were crying, including Ally, and others were pale with shock, Cameron was one of them.

“Guys, we’re gonna be okay but we have to be quiet.” You whispered harshly, constantly looking over your shoulder at the door, listening for any indication of the shooter coming your way.

Everyone stared at you, as if you were the leader of a camp and they were small children awaiting for further instruction.

You supposed it wasn’t far off.

By taking charge, you were the one who’d been unwillingly given the role of protector.

“First things first,” you walked over to the group of 10 students, “I need you all to make sure your phones are on silent. We can’t risk being caught.”

You watched as everyone followed your instructions.

“I know you all want to call your parents but that’s going to attract attention to us so for right now, we need to be quiet.”

Your heart was beating out of your chest and as you spoke, one thought repeated in your head. JJ.

Taking out your phone, you scrolled to find your mother’s name in your contacts. You watched as your thumb hovered over her name.

Just breathe, y/n. Breathe.

Tapping your mother’s name, you brought the phone to your ear.

“I thought you said we couldn’t call anyone.”

Your eyes locked onto Cameron’s, his face pale and his eyes filled with terror and a hint of anger.

“My Mum works for the FBI.” You whispered as the phone rang out.

Any other time and you probably would have laughed at the way his face grew paler, if that was even possible. But, in a situation this tense, it was going to be difficult to find any levity.

Your Mum picked up on the second ring and you let out a shaky breath when you heard her voice.

“Hi baby. A bit early for your lunch, isn’t it?”

You closed your eyes at her soft tone, as if you were trying to engrave the way she spoke into your mind lest you would never hear it again.

From your lack of response, the blonde sensed there was something up, “Y/N? What’s wrong?”

A single tear dropped down your cheek as you struggled to maintain a steady tone. Catching a glimpse of Ally staring at you, you steeled yourself and spoke.

“Mum, you need to come quick. Someone’s brought a gun into school.”

“Oh my-AARON.”

You winced when you heard her shout for her boss, listening as you could hear her run up stairs. You held your breath as she filled Hotch in on what was happening before telling Garcia to hack into your school’s security system.

“Are you okay? Stupid question. But are you hurt?”

“Mum,” you interrupted her rambling, “I’m fine. I’m in the tutoring centre with 10 other people. I don’t know how many people are injured. It just all happened so fast.”

“It’s okay, baby. You’re gonna be okay.”

Though you could hear the clear panic in her voice, her words did bring some form of reassurance to you.

“Penelope’s hacking into the system so hopefully she can have eyes soon.”

As she spoke, you could hear the clacking of keys in the background of the call; presumably Garcia doing exactly what JJ said.

“Mum?” You questioned when you heard Garcia swear.

Instead of JJ answering, the usually peppy tech analyst replied, her voice shaky and wet, as if she was crying.

“Y/N, thank God you’re okay.”

“What’s wrong, Garcia?”

“Someone’s disabled the cameras remotely. I can only get them back online if someone reprograms them from the inside.”

Grasping what she was explaining, you nodded, “I’ll fix them.”

“What? No!”

Your mother had taken the phone off of Garcia.

“You are not leaving that room, y/n. We’ll find another way in.”

“Mum, someone needs to fix the system from inside the school. I need to do it.”

Ignoring your mother’s worried shouts, you continued to speak, “Mum, I have to. I love you.”

You disconnected the phone and switched it off, preventing her from being able to call you back.

“Y/N, you are not leaving this room.”

You’d only just realised that everyone had been watching you intently during that entire interaction.

“Yes, I am.”

Moving away from the huddle, you rose to your feet and replied to your friend.

Cameron rose to his feet and towered over you as he challenged you, “No, you are not. You’re going to put us in danger.”

“Do you know how to hack into our school’s security system and then reconnect the transformer and enter the Mastercode?”

His face contorted to a look of confusion making you reply,

“Exactly.”

Turning to leave, you felt a large hand enclose around your arm.

“I said, you’re not leaving.”

Your eyes flickered from Cameron’s hand up to his face that dared you to take another step.

“Remove your hand from my arm before I remove your hand from your body. You may letter in football but I’ve been trained by some of the best FBI agents there are and unless you want to end up in a sleeper hold, I suggest you shut up and do what I say for once.”

His harsh grip almost immediately lessened as his hand returned to his side.

“Good. Now, have any of you been shot? No? I didn’t think so. Well, I have and whoever did get shot is probably bleeding out in the hallway. I can’t not do anything.”

No one dared to respond and instead, shook their head ‘no’ at your asking if anyone else would try to stop you.

Content that you weren’t going to deal with any more unnecessary distractions, you made your way to the door and gently removed the chair that was beneath the handle.

“Ally, you’re in charge. Lock the door when I leave. By my count, the FBI will be here soon. And Cameron, you do anything stupid and I’ll shoot you myself.”

Unlocking the door, you stepped out into the empty hallway and hastily made your way to where the main security hub was located.

Just a couple of hours ago, all you had wished for was silence but now that your wish had been granted, all you wanted was to hear the playful shouts and conversations between your friends and fellow students.

The silence that currently fell on your school was unnerving and unbearable. And with each step you took, you flinched at the sound your shoes made against the marble floor. Each noise practically acting as a beacon for the shooter to come find you.

You let out a sigh of relief when you found the Hub and you quickly worked to reconnect the security system. Typing on the laptop that rested atop one of the servers, you couldn’t help the smile that formed when all the cameras re-engaged.

Tapping on one of the keys, you navigated through the various cameras, looking for any indication of the shooter or of any injured people. You stopped when you caught a glimpse of someone.

Squinting at the screen, you saw, what appeared to be a freshman - since you didn’t recognise him as being a part of your year - laying on the ground, a hand clutching his stomach as blood coated his clothing.

Immediately knowing where he was, you cautiously made your way to the east hallway before running when you noticed him laying on the ground, his blood coating the once-white marble floor.

Falling to your knees, you pressed your hands against his wound, trying to stop the steady flow. He groaned out in pain, tears staining his face.

“H-Help me.” He choked out.

“What’s your name?”

“Jackson. But everyone c-calls me J-Jack.”

“Jack, you’re going to be okay. I just need you stay with me, okay? I’m-”

“Y/N.”

You failed to hide the surprise from your face making the younger teen smile despite his predicament.

“You’re t-tutoring Cameron. Everyone knows who you are. Y-You’re the one who doesn’t take any of his shit. I think h-he likes you.”

“Well, tough shit for him. I may be bi but he’s definitely not my type.”

Jack’s laugh quickly turned into another groan of pain.

Unzipping your jacket with one hand, you used the other to keep pressure on his wound. After removing the jacket, you harshly pressed it against his torso and watched as it barely absorbed the blood.

“I’m gonna die, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not. I won’t let you.” You said, tears filling in your eyes as memories rushed back of when you tried to save your brother after he’d been shot.

“You’re going to be okay. I just need you to-”

You stilled when you heard footsteps come up behind you.

“Well, what do we have here?”

You didn’t recognise the voice and couldn’t bring yourself to turn around to face the person who’d caused all this pain.

You opened your mouth before closing it again, unsure of what to say.

Closing your eyes, you readied yourself for your inevitable death when a shot rang out and a body slumped to the ground beside you.

Jumping at the action, you turned around and almost collapsed in relief at what you saw. Your Mum and her team stood behind you with several SWAT members flanking them.

The tears that had once filled your eyes now spilled shamelessly down your cheeks.

Without saying a word, JJ holstered her gun and ran to your side, hugging you as best she could since your hands were still pressed against Jack’s wound.

Paramedics soon followed and after that it was all a blur. It was as if you were floating outside of your body. Logically, you knew it was the effects of an adrenaline crash but you felt so disconnected from your body.

You barely took note as your mother gently lifted you to your feet, allowing you to be briefly looked over by the paramedics. Nor as your mother escorted you to one of the school bathrooms where she rinsed the blood off your hands.

You didn’t even say a word until you’d arrived back at the BAU where a worried Penelope wrapped you in a tight hug which you returned.

“I’m gonna take her up to my old office, Hotch.”

The Unit Chief simply nodded as he and the rest of the team watched as JJ led you to the abandoned office that was still filled with random case files.

Closing the door, she sat you down on her sofa and stared at you, not touching you in fear that even a simple caress would cause you to shatter.

You exhaled a long breath before finally speaking, “I’m sorry.”

Her brows narrowed, “Sorry? Sweetheart, why?”

You looked at your hands that had been coated in blood less than an hour before and then up at your mother; her blue eyes filled with nothing but concern, love and confusion.

“You told me not to leave and I did. I’m sorry.”

And with that, you started to cry heart-wrenching sobs that made your shoulders shake.

JJ gathered you in her arms, gently rocking you as her long blonde hair draped over you.

“It’s okay, y/n. I got you, baby. You’re safe now.”

Her arms wrapped tightly around you as she laid soft kisses on your head, her hand stroking your back.

That only served to make you burrow into her even more, seeking comfort in her motherly embrace.

You muttered your apologies as she continued to reassure you that you were okay.

JJ was afraid that if she stopped, you wouldn’t be here, safe in her arms.

Still rocking you in her arms, she whispered in your ear,

“I got you, baby. You’re safe now.”

[arizonaconservativegal]

Funny you should mention her hair because I think you're missing the best part here... Last spring when Sister debuted was one of those times when I briefly contemplated quitting the entire internet because I could not handle the stupid. Obviously I did not do that, but here's the story.

EK John*ston, the creator of Sister, commissioned the artwork shown above so she could introduce fans to the character and promote her new book and Brotherhood, which were a few weeks away from their release dates. She clearly thought the reception was going to be positive because she was posting it to tumblr and tumblrinas love trans people, right? Wrong.

There was a big problem with Sister. An unforgivable problem. An affront so egregious, it was downright unthinkable.

She had the wrong hairstyle. She had cornrows. Obviously this was very racist because cornrows are for black people and the clones are not black. They're supposed to be Maori and Maori people don't style their hair that way. And of course everyone in Star Wars has exactly the hairstyle they would traditionally have if they lived on Earth, right? We all know Carrie Fisher wore the space buns to the grocery store all the time, right? Anyway, giving Sister the Wrong Hair was both cultural appropriation and cultural erasure, so the obligatory meltdown was compounded. I should also mention that that accurate Polynesian depiction of clone troopers was already a hugely contentious issue in the fandom by this point. People were getting harassed and bullied off tumblr left and right because a couple of members of the no-fun-allowed crowd (including the one who started the Sister meltdown) really didn't like the Bad Batch streaming series. So, huge meltdown ensues, and EK John*ston is writing a bunch of apologies and taking full responsibility for her horrible oversight and re-commissioning the artist to draw the character with the less-racist hair pictured above and the tumblrinas are just not accepting the apology. Everyone is posting essays about how they are the most racially sensitive human ever, or how they were personally victimized by the artwork, or how EK John*ston is not a good enough ally. This goes on for like two weeks. My dash was unusable. I unfollowed and soft-blocked more people in those two weeks that I have in the twelve years I've been on tumblr. Poor EK John*ston clearly didn't know what hit her and despite her best efforts to capitulate to the mob, I don't think they'll ever let it go.

Now look, I've read all of EK John*ston's Star Wars books and frankly I'd suggest everyone just skip anything with her name on it. Her Star Wars books are decidedly in the YA category so as an adult, I may just have unfair expectations but I have always found them to be simplistic and incredibly anti-climactic. My other gripe with her writing is that she's a big fan of pausing the story and spending three pages giving really performative lectures on why it's One Hundred Percent Totally Normal and Not At All Noteworthy that this side character of no relevance is using neopronouns. Sister is no exception. She's in the book for exactly the amount of time it takes to explain that she is trans and this Completely Fine and Not Weird. She serves no narrative purpose. There's really not even a reason for the rest of that scene to be included in the book - it's a complete detour from the rest of the story.

Conversely, Sister is briefly mentioned in Brotherhood and while it still isn't necessary at all for her to be there, it's not treated like An Event that everyone has to be Super Cool And Chill about. She shows up to deliver like one line unrelated to her identity and she goes away. You could have substituted any clone into that scene and it would have been completely unchanged. To my knowledge, Sister has not even been mentioned in canon since those two books, possibly because Disney didn't want to revisit that fallout. She did nothing interesting. She said nothing interesting. She makes for a good pandering tweet on occasion but otherwise she's entirely irrelevant to the rest of the franchise so she's easy to ignore. Which I usually do. I'm pretty indifferent to the idea of the occasional trans clone (look, there are a few million clones so one or two of them wanting to call themselves women doesn't seem like that big a stretch to me), I just don't want to be lectured to every time she shows up. I had no issue reading Brotherhood but Queen's Hope was fucking painful (for so many reasons, even if you take Sister out of it).

Anyway the moral of the story is that the mob cannot be appeased. No matter what you do for them, it will never be enough.

Also I would like it on record that I am adding the asterisks to EK John*ston's name because she still has an account here and I want to keep my criticism of her works out of any searchable things she might stumble across. I've followed her for years and she truly seems like a very lovely person. She's a lefty and her books are not my cup of tea, but she means well and I don't mean any of this as an attack on her personally or even politically, to be honest. She did not deserve to be treated the way she was. So please don't go tagging her in this.

And my obligatory Star Wars fan nitpick here is that Sister was in the 212th so it does not make sense for her to have paint that is not orange.

In case you needed more proof that the people in charge of Star Wars don't pay attention to their own lore, not only are we now trying to add racial "diversity" to a group that is genetically identical, but out of all the places to put a trans character, they picked the one that had an entire episode, followed by an entire spinoff series, dedicated to showing that clones who come out "wrong" are, well...wrong. They were bred to be the exact same type of killing machine-the Bad Batch may be good at what they do, but they were never respected for it because they were good in ways clones shouldn't have been. Remember 99? Remember how he was treated like a cross between a servant and a court fool? That's the attitude taken by most of the few people who even know that non-reg clones even exist, because this entire project was indescribably morally bankrupt as part of Palpatine's long game to finalize the moral degradation of the Republic. The Bad Batch were able to do what they do because it was useful, but this view of them? It never went away, and (most of) them refusing to follow Order 66 would have only reinforced this belief in the eyes of the newly-brainwashed regular clones and any of the supporters of Palpatine's New Order.

But forget all of that, here's a Stunning And Brave transwomyn PeeOhCee with the new Only Acceptable Black Hairstyle who will have zero character flaws, will be the most badass person in the room for most of the story, and will always be in the right on everything.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Analysis of the Family Agreste Portrait

Quarantine strikes again and since the Agreste family portrait has fascinated me for a loooong while now I decided to put my thoughts into words and write another essay x3

The amount of informations we get out if it is amazing and its not only highlighting the absolute TRAGEDY it is that this family is about to face such a horrible fall out, it also hints at the former family dynamic before everything went to hell.

So make yourself comfortable and get something to drink, because we will be here for a while.

Here we go: My analysis of this beauty of a fictional portrait

Let's start with the most obvious one: Hawkmoth.

Its commen knowledge by now that the background makes it seem like Hawkmoth is standing behind the Agreste family like a bad omen waiting for fate to take its course and cause their doom. The portrait is brilliantly designed so the illusion is created that Gabriels body (here in a blue suit closer to Hawkmoths normals dark purple one) overlaps with Hawkmoths and a darker line is connecting the two faces as well, which rest on the same height right beside each other. The very same line grows bigger as it goes further behind Emilie - coloring her entire background - showing us that EMILIE is all Gabriel sees when he becomes Hawkmoth. But notice that Adrien on the other hand can hardly be concidered part of Gabriels “sight” at all.

Its forshadowing 101 and damn beautiful if I may say so. But this isnt what I want to focus on in this post.

I want to elaborate on two other key factors that tell us about the former dynamic of the Agrestes instead and what they tell us about the present and future.

The heart:

This is hitting me on another level because look at the heart these three form with Adrien right in the middle! He was so LOVED. This family may have never been anywhere close to ideal but still, there was LOVE and now he's gonna loose it all.

Adrien already lost his mother which led to his father getting even more distant and cold and now his father is becoming increasingly more abusive as he falls deeper and deeper into villainy. Gabriel was never a good father, the show has already made this clear with episodes like "the bubbler", “the collector” or "Gigantitan" for example but gosh there was hope for their little family! The end scene in "Jackady" portrayed it perfectly and I wrote a whole other post just covering the sigificants of Adriens and Gabriels hug in that episode. Check it out here if you want, it goes hand in hand with this one.

Miraculous is all about love and the completely different ways it can affect us, our behavior and actions. Because love isnt just wonderful, pure and empowering, it also can be twisted, destructive and cause the darkst nightmares. And with this family the writers know how to portray the complex love in an abusive houshold thats destined to go up in flames and they also know how to hint at their troubled past with the family portrait.

But this heart visual tells us even more in connection with the positions of their hands. And with these two key factors, lets start with Gabriel:

His hands convey it so strongly. He loves/d Emilie and Adrien so much and no doubt this love for them was certainly the reason why he started his quest as Hawkmoth. But he is now losing himself more and more in the pleasure of his villainy to the point where he forgets why he's doing it in the first place and becomes a complete monster (of a father). But this turn and spiraling into villainy didn't came out of nowhere - this root already had to be in him to grow like that. And this is also something the portrait indeed hints at as well.

Because Gabriel is the only one of the three who:

1. We see so completely open and without hesitation reach out and hold BOTH his family members.

2. Is visually “cut off” from them as well.

But this doesn't mean he was excluded and the only one who truly cared and loved, it just shows that things were more... complicated...as usual.

This is best explained with Adriens hand placements:

One hand is holding his mothers but the other one is visibly not reaching out for his father. But as we all know, that's not because Adrien doesn't love him. In season 1-3 it is made more than clear that Adrien does not hate his father - he loves him alot and tries to be there for him and be patient because he knows that the loss of his mother brought his father terribly down.

Sure, Adrien gets frustrated and angry with him, literally how could he not?? But Adrien tries his best to reach out to Gabriel so they can bond and come out of this tragedy stronger.

But this loving willingness to forgive his father for the chance of growing a father-son bond with him doesn't change the fact that these two didn't had a bond prior to this. And let's be honest here, does anybody actually think this distance between them was caused by Adrien? I don't think so.

So notice how Adriens hand - not reaching out for his fathers - is the only one in the portrait NOT inside or forming the heart.

When the connection of the hands between the family members symbolise their connection to another, then Adrien keeping the hand for his father away from the display of love is VERY telling. It tells us very directly what this distance did to Adriens side of the relationship. Despite Gabriels hand being right there, Adrien does not meet the gesture. And I cannot believe that he did it out of resentment, nothing in the show indicated such strong negative emotions from past Adrien.

It's much more likely that Adrien not reaching for his fathers hand is meant to show us that Adrien felt that he either CAN'T return the gesture because he fears that it'll end in an unpleasant reaction from Gabriel - that it isn't Adriens "place" to reach out to his busy and distant father like that, like it's demanding something - or Adrien simply didn't took Gabriel laying his hand on his shoulder, in the context of posing for a portrait, as a gesture of love and affection.

The way I interpret the portrait is that prior to Emilies dissappearence Adrien did not exactly try to reach out to his father the same way he did from s1-s3, which, I mean, of course wasn't the case. Not only is it NOT the 13 years olds (or younger) job to form an emotional connection to their absent parent - when that’s the PARENTS job - it also wouldn't be necessarily "needed" for Adrien to do so.

Because Emilie at this point was still in the picture so and she was the complete opposite. She was a (or maybe the ONLY) safe, reliable and loving constant of parental attention, affection and care in his life and because of these two HARSH contrasts Adrien learned from very early on to focus mostly completely on her in that regard while kinda blocking his father out.

That most likely wasn't even an active choice whatsoever - Gabriel proofed to be an unreliable resource so Adrien learned to subconciously treat him that way out of self protection. That doesn't mean he had any kind of dislike or malice against his father it just means that he wasn't able or allowed to connect with Gabriel the way he needed. Several episodes show that Gabriel deadass only parented like 15 minutes tops in his life with one of the worst offenders kinda being “Gigantitan” ngl.

So yeah, when I see that the portrait wants to tell me that prior to Emilies loss, Adrien - a 12-13 year old at most - is THIS used to rely solely on the strong bond he has with his mother and not even really reaching out for his fathers love, then I can't help but interpret it in the way that... Well... Gabriel was so distant and emotionally unreliable to Adrien for all his life, that Gabriel simply... wasn't needed by his son. Not at that point of time at least.

And while this may seem weird, because obviously Adrien only now starts to stop craving for his fathers affection and approval (which is btw a horrible, HORRIBLE thing and not something good. A half orphan losing the last remaining hope he had left of having the chance to finally get to form a bond with the only other parent he has left, just to be crushed by disappointment and abandonment all over again until he let's go, is REALLY NOT as much of a good thing people will make it out to be. This is... plain awful) it's actually quite logical.

Adriens hand outside the heart doesn't mean that his father meant nothing to him and therefore refuses to meet and accept his affection (that's literally the complete opposite of what the show shows us), it means that Adriens and Gabriels father-son relationship suffers from a fatal emotional disconnection caused by miscommunication/ a lack of communication.

And this was caused by Gabriel. How? Let me elaborate on that by going a bit far afield (cuz lbh we all have time for this. I’m writing this in quarantine and youre reading this is quarantine, so lets gooooooooooooo).

In "The bubbler" Adrien says that his father "always forgot his birthday", but I cannot agree with this in true honesty. Gabriel is controlling his sons entire life, calls him "the epitome of perfection" and temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for him, he definitely never forgot Adriens birthday.

"The bubbler" even SHOWS us that Adriens perspective of the situation is actually not the truth:

This is Adriens first birthday after Emilies dissappearence and it's incredibly telling how Gabriel handles the planning.

What this entire little sequence tells me is that Gabriel is completely and UTTERLY used to NOT be the one to take care of anything related to Adriens birthday. So Emilie was always the one who did it but somehow - now without her - Gabriel apparently still hasn't even considered changing anything about that nasty non-involvement and just expected Natalie to pick everything up where Emilie left it.

Because let's be real here, knowing Natalie she would NOT have forgotten to get a present if Gabriel truly had told her to. Natalie is never presented to do mistakes like that but Gabriel on the other hand IS definitely presented to us claiming things about himself as ultimate, blameless and true when they simply do not reflect reality. A great example: Gorizilla

You didn’t even speared a minutes of your time for Adrien and he DID try to! Asshat… It's a problem guys. The lack of self awareness Gabriel displays in moments like this is legitimately concerning when you think about how deeply this man is falling right now.

But back to the topic:

Because even if Gabriel didn't even consider doing anything himself for Adriens birthday - not even taking the time to SEE his son (who just recently lost his mother, come on Gabe, really?) - one thing one cannot hold against him: he sure as hell remembered Adriens birthday like any decent parent would and it wasnt portrayed as a this-year-for-the-first-time thing.

And yet Adriens statement still makes complete sense. Because a big, BIG problem with Gabriel is just how much he takes things for granted. He EXPECTS things to be universally known and to never be doubted, just because that's how HE sees them. I will write 10 essays if it's needed to make people understand that Gabriel DOES truly love Adrien, it's just that Gabriel HIMSELF is such a rotten, twisted and toxic person that he cannot see how much his (oppressing) behavior and the way he (doesn't) express his love hurts Adrien and that HE is the one at fault. (for more, once again, read this)

Gabriel LOVES Adrien but he takes the love he feels as such a matter-of-fact that he just completely... forgets to show it.

And when we take Adriens words and look at the Family portrait it unfortunately seems that...

…. Gabriel ALWAYS forgot to show it.

Adriens hand - that should at least be reaching out to his father - is outside of the heart in accepting certainty. Because that's what Gabriels non-presence was for Adrien while growing up: an unreliable and unreachable certainty he had to accept early on as safer to not try to emotionally depend on too much or else he will get hurt.

So yeah, Adrien is the one in the portrait who is very openly not reaching out but only because Gabriel never gave him the needed affection and stability to be able to create that bond.

But let me correct what I said a little earlier: Adrien ALWAYS needed his father. Every kid, especially one in a bad situation like Adrien, does need their parents/friends etc as support system to become independent and confident in a healthy way. And if they don’t have that they WILL crave and look for it!

What Adrien has been doing up to now IS normal for a teenager - humans NEED affection, belonging and safety. What ISNT/SHOULDN’T be normal is Adriens disconnection towards his father in the portrait and just how much Gabriel fails to take care and BE THERE for his son in BOTH TIMES!

Collector:

Bother Christmas:

One thing I like about the show is that it portrays their young main cast with one very important truth: The psyche of a child/teenager of their age will react and adapt so it SURVIVES, even if it results in unfortunate consequences in other relationships and places. Thats the psyches main concern and it'll try to cope with the limited experience and development it has in whatever way necessary to get itself to the next day. A coping mechanism is not there to make you a better person, it ensures your SURVIVAL, everything else is a secondary concern.

So seeing pre-show Adrien not react to Gabriels touch and even feel completely unloved and disconnected from him is no surprise to me. Kids are incredibly observant. They may lack the needed experience and knowledge to truly understand that they deserve better and to stand up for themselves but they are masters in picking up red flags in people and can put this danger into perspective while comparing the different danger levels of their options of people and places to adjust their behavior.

Feast:

Stormy Weather 2:

So the broken connection between father and son we see in the portrait (that Gabriel doesn't even notice but Adrien fully internalized) isn’t there because Adrien “didnt needed” or wanted his father, its because Adrien NEEDED Gabriel so much in his isolated upbringing but Gabriel didn’t LET him need him - so Adrien had to adjust to that accordingly. Big, huge, ENORMOUS difference.

Honestly the most miraculous thing about Miraculous is that Adrien was able to bring up the strength to stay positive and friendly and to forgive Gabriel in hope for a better future. That boys situation is 7 kinds of depressing and traumatizing...

It's just flabbergasting to me how well this portrait shows how basically non-existent their relationship was at that point. And it's horrible to know that this estranged and unformed bond is all Adrien had left after Emilie dissappeared, just alot worse because after Emilie incident Adrien states that his father changed alot for the worse as well.

So to think that all Adrien had left wasn't even this former basically non-existent relationship with his aloof father - who would only barely show his true affection for his son because he's either not around enough to do so or he thinks it "unnecessary to proof his affection" for/to Adrien because he already thinks it so obvious and undoubtable.

Well he thought wrong. And GOSH, it breaks my heart!

So now comparing the "Gabriel" hand from Adrien with the one representing his connections with his mother conveys a pretty harsh contrast.

Because last but not least, let's take a look at Emilies hand placements:

But here is now an interesting difference to Adrien. Whereas we openly see that Adriens side of the Adrien-Gabriel relationship is completely disconnected from the heart/love - showcasing just how badly Adrien has always been neglected by his father - we don't see Emilies hand in her Emilie-Gabriel relationship AT ALL.

Once again just like with Adrien, this doesn't mean she didn't love her husband and that Gabriel was used and fooled by the woman he so utterly adored. It just means that from Emilies point of view things were a bit more complicated. What exactly this is, the portrait is keeping secret from us. We have no way of knowing if and how Emilie is returning her husbands gesture. All we can say is that if she does she is definitely not doing it in such an open and unconflicted way as she does with Adrien.

But since when has anything with this family been this easy?

One thing the portrait makes very clear, Adrien and Emilie had a strong and good bond. Definitely the healthiest because the Adrien-Emilie connection is the only one depicted without any kind of disruption from both sides. Both mother and son are reaching out for the other ones hand creating a whole half of the heart, showcasing their affection for another openly and without any of the implied doubts the other connections display. And honestly? Comparing all the hand placements, the one connecting Adrien and Emilie just comes across as strikingly pure and true (which makes it even worse that it was HER Adrien lost…)

As I said it's a HARSH contrast to the one Adrien shears with Gabriel. This contrast is highlighted even further by the way these three face on another.

Emilie and Adrien are positioned facing another and so are Emilie and Gabriel. Telling us that Emilie was "face-to-face" aka involved with both her husband and son. It is Adrien and Gabriel were this looks wildly different. These two have no way of seeing each other in the eyes the way they stand now/then, further displaying their deeply rooted disconnection. It's portrays perfectly how important Emilie was in this family dynamic, because even though Adrien and Gabriel bearly had a connection at all they at least had Emilie as a link between them, keeping the family together. But then they lost her and where this left both father and son off we know oh too well...

So to collect all the informations we get out if this portrait:

-Adriens and Emilies relationship was the strongest and purest. Both of their hands connect and reach out for another in the heart, showcasing that they had a loving and positive bond.

-Adriens and Gabriels relationship is heavily scarred by a deeply rooted disconnection leaving Adrien feeling unloved and unwanted by his father to the point where Adriens side of their dynamic is outside the heart altogether. Gabriel may love and adore his son just like he loves his wife and never thought he displayed his love for him in a lacking way, but fact is: this love never reached Adrien the way it should have and Adrien is the one in their dynamic who got severely hurt and damaged by it.

-Gabriel was the only one completely unconflicted and happily at peace with the former Family situation. He's reaching out to both his family members with open love and affection in blissful oblivion that neither his wife nor son could return them the same way (to different degrees for different reasons). Gabriel was the ONLY ONE in the Agreste family who didn't saw problems in their lives and thought them all happy, hence why he's so obsessed with changing the past and bringing THIS state of their family back. He was happy and he had everything he needed and loved right with him, of course he wants THIS back. He's not aware that Emilie and ESPECIALLY Adrien did not feel the same about their former situation and that bringing all of them back to this is not the perfect happy ending for their entire family as he thinks.

-Emilie may not have been as unconflicted with Gabriel as he was with her but she is NOT feeling the same disconnection her son feels and isn't depicted with negative feelings towards Gabriel. Her side in the Emilie-Gabriel relationship is neither shown outright positive as with her son or outright bad as Adrien with Gabriel. Her side of their bond is depicted through her unseen hand placement in the unknown area in between.

-Despite their not so unconflicted feelings towards Gabriel - and Gabriel himself being aloof - neither Emilie nor Adrien are actively trying to cut Gabriel out. They aren't flinching away from his touch or exclude him from the heart whatsoever. He's happily included, obviously feeling loved. They may not be 100% happy and Gabriel doesn't notice it, but they aren't denying him his happiness and make him unhappy. Again, he's the only one truly happy here. Something neither Emilie nor Adrien tried to take away from him.

-Emilie and Adrien are facing each other as do Emilie and Gabriel, implying the presence of communication and a bond. Adrien and Gabriel do not face each other, showing their disconnected bond. If they could see each others face Adrien would have been able to see that Gabriels hand is a gesture of genuine affection and Gabriel could see that Adriens expression does not exactly display pure happiness the way he thinks. This also goes for Emilie. Emilie just like her husband is placed BEHIND her son, so even if she is facing him she would not be able to really see just how much Adrien is not satisfied and truly happy with his life at that point (meaning how unhappy being looked up, friendless and at distance with his father actually makes him).

- This fascinating family makes me sad and I like it lol

[scorpionyx9621]

Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.

SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.

*sighs*

As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.

The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.

I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.

Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.

Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.

Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired

Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.

Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit

Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.

Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.

Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.

Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.

The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.

(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)

The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.

Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.

(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)

That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.

Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.

I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.

Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.

Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.

What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.

To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.

[writterings]

In light of the new Owl House episode, I have some THOUGHTS about its excellent writing.

So, first things first, I wanna state something that everyone knows but we also kinda forget sometimes; TOH is a kid's show. Yeah, yeah, that's obvious. But also, that GREATLY impacts its writing. However, it also balances this type of writing PERFECTLY with the adult perspective on the world which ultimately does make it great for all ages. And "Yesterday's Lie" is the ULTIMATE example of this.

Luz's story fits the typical isekai plotline - but it also is an example of what real-life kids in Luz's positions want. Like think about her life in the first episode - she had no friends, she wanted adventure and fantasy and magic, and her mom and she weren't seeing eye to eye. She then got whisked away to a magical realm full of adventures, magic, friends (and a girlfriend!), and a mother figure who tries hard to understand her and loves the fact that they're both weirdos. The Boiling Isles is heaven for Luz, just because it's fulfilling all her wants and needs that she wasn't getting in the human world.

As someone who is going into the professional writing field and spends a lot of time in and out of class thinking about writing rhetoric, I've taken one or two classes about writing children's stories/media. And, obviously, children's media is written differently than adult media -- but specifically in the idea of values. Kids value different things than adults because of their perspectives on the world. Hell, the whole reason "whisked away to a magical fantasy world" is so popular in kids' media is because so many kids find themselves in that position in wanting that to happen to them. I sure as hell did when I was Luz's age.

Stories like these essentially are wish fulfillment for kids. And since they are wish fulfillment, that typically means that more real-life concepts such as abandoning family, missing the "real world", or any negative consequences are either conveniently written out in a satisfying way or are left out entirely. (Think how in Harry Potter, he's able to escape the "real" world without negative consequences because his family's abusive.)

(Also, fuck JKR btw but just using this example because this is the example we used in my one children's lit class.)

And what I'm about to say next also explains further how TOH is wish fulfillment, but it starts as a bit of tangent first. Just bear with me, it'll make sense.

Anyways, I've seen a few MP100 posts around that praise the show for having an adult "step in" and tell the child protag that they don't have to fight the villains because they're just a kid. And to me, that shows how MP100 is an adult-focused media -- because a piece of children's media would NEVER do something like that. That's not to say that children's media encourages kids to do dangerous stuff that harms themselves, but it's just not appealing to kids. Kids want to be the ones going on adventures and saving the day. They want to be treated with respect and be trusted as capable as the adults around them. And who can blame them? We all want that - it's just that kids hardly get ANY respect or autonomy. That's why kid's media where the kids are allowed to fight, be the chosen one, or go on adventures is so normal and popular: it's what kids want!

And that, again, is how TOH is wish fulfillment. Luz is allowed to go on adventures, do dangerous and stupid things, and she still kicks ass! Sure, Eda might express concern for her or say she doesn't want her doing something dangerous -- but Eda trusts Luz and is never angry when she goes someplace dangerous (think how she acted in "Separate Tides" when she found out Luz was also there in the cave).

So, ultimately, this is all how TOH's writing reflects its status as a children's show. Which is totally fine! And it's brilliantly written!

But as for the more adult-focused parts of its writing -

To state again, adults value different things in media than kids do. We (since I'm an adult) typically do want to see the more nuanced and darker side of things. We want the complexity. We want subversion of genre. We also want things that reflect our experiences. And TOH does this by addressing realistic negative consequences.

Camilla was upset that Luz left her. She cried and got mad, and even asked the questions of "Were you trying to live out some witch fantasy? Did you hate living with me that much?"

This is a genre subversion because we usually don't get this kind of confrontation in a kid's show. Typically, our plucky young protag who chooses to stay in another world faces no negative consequences for this choice (except for Marcy in Amphibia but for different reasons lol). But here Luz is, watching as her mother cries all because of her choices. It's not explicitly adult and tbh isn't mature - but it's still a level of nuance and character complexity we don't typically get in a kid's show/media. Honestly, it's most likely that adults are the ones identifying with Camilla instead of Luz in this situation - even if we don't have kids. Camilla, essentially, feels abandoned and rejected by her daughter. While some kids might be able to sympathize, it's probably mostly adults (and older teens) who have been through similar situations and emotions. And, in that, shows how TOH can also appeal to audiences in a more "adult" way as well.

But, despite that, it's still not a polarizing scene. It may frustrate some kids watching (or even teens/adults who identify strongly with Luz), but ultimately Camilla's words and actions are still understandable. She's not being evil or mean; she's just hurt. And that's clear! Even Luz sees it! But it doesn't harm the narrative appeal of the show being kids' wish fulfillment because Camilla can't do anything to take Luz away from her amazing life in the Boiling Isles. While she did make Luz promise to find a way back and to stay for good, she ultimately has no power to do anything. The status quo of the show is not changed and it is still wish fulfillment -- though, now, it just has some complexity added to the situation, plot, and characters.

In that sense, the scene where Camilla confronts Luz can still appeal to kids and doesn't make the show unenjoyable for them despite it being a more "adult-focused" scene. Sure, it adds complexity, but it's a type that kids can understand.

And that, basically, is just brilliant writing. It's such a perfect balance of adult and kid-focused,m and the writers definitely understand the values that both children and adults have when approaching media. TOH is definitely one of the best-written cartoons of this decade, and I'm so glad it exists.

Anyways, here's my essay. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

[broomsticks]

Rowling was still a god to us at this time, and “canon was king.”

celebrating JKR and canon (and guessing whatever "genius" she was sure to come up with) was the main goal

yeah -- the amount of author trust allll over elwing_alcyone’s 2004 wolfstar ship manifesto is quite something to look back on in the year 2023!

"JKR didn't have to write that in." "JKR didn't spend three years writing this book to shove in things that didn't matter." heck, it opens with the line "One of the things I have always liked about JKR's style is that, in the books, at least, she doesn't spoon-feed her reader."

Remus is an absolutely wonderful person who has half the fandom in love with him, including me — werewolf or not, you'd expect him to be snapped up double-quick. But he's not. Why? Why has JKR left it so open-ended? She could have sunk this ship in a sentence. She didn't, and now, the odds are that she won't.

yeah about that

not at all to imply it was all sunshine and roses and author love -- seems like there were plenty of people who fell out of love for hp during the OOTP/HBP era. specifically, i did see LOTS of fan unhappiness in regards to how tonks was written during HBP. it wasn't all shipwars-related unhappiness too, though:

I said in an earlier entry that HBP might have broken me as a fan. Thinking about it, I came to realize that what I said as a joke is probably the truth. I was active in the fandom for a year-and-a-half when OotP was released in its defective glory. And I did something people somewhere call "fanwanking." Which is not the thing where you are an obnoxious little brat involved in an online flamewar and get some dishonourable mention in a certain Journalfen community, but rather that you take a text's, a canon's goofs and mistakes and plotholes and lacking characterisation and explain them away. It doesn't matter how badly as long as the fanwanking maintains the illusion that the text's creator is Teh Greatest. I did that with OotP. But the more I did it, the more realized that the number of ethical plotholes was a pretty tough job to fix in two volumes. But the illusion, the belief that Rowling knew what she was doing was stronger than the evidence that the books were really that fucked up and had been that way for a long time… HBP was the book, I was unwilling to explain away. Rowling introducing Tom Riddle's genetic evil was something she had really no good way of ret-conning. And with her not being able to fix it in the future, it became clear that she doesn't even realize it's broken.

---

re. snape -- orson scott card? orson scott card??????? oh god, i want to get my hands on it now.

relatedly, there was also this 2004 RJ Anderson essay "A Deeply Horrible Person": The Unlikely Redemption of Severus Snape, which seems like it gets at something similar:

Many readers of the Harry Potter books regard Professor Severus Snape as an unrepentant sinner with little or no chance for redemption. However, the books themselves suggest that what Harry perceives about Snape is seldom the whole truth and that there may be a rational basis behind even Snape's worst-seeming behavior. As the textual evidence in Snape's favor is presented, his positive relationships with more obviously "good" characters such as Dumbledore and McGonagall are considered, as well as the significant moral choice he made to leave Voldemort's service and join the Order of the Phoenix. In light of J.K. Rowling's observant Presbyterian background and the self-admitted importance of her religious beliefs to the development of the series, the influence of Christian theology on Snape's character arc is examined, and a few suggestions are made about Snape's fate.

there is ALSO, hilariously, this academic article in the journal Religions from 2014, which investigates whether or not snapism constitutes a religion. their conclusion:

As scholars of religion, it is important to consider whether or not our methodological approaches are sound. It is easy to fall into the trap of considering religions such as Christianity to be a base standard for the examination of all other faiths. When faced with a contemporary manifestation of human behaviour and belief such as fandom, it is also common to assume that nothing genuinely sacred can be born of Livejournal, Dreamwidth, and Yahoo Groups. Yet, there is much evidence to the contrary. Snapeism satisfies even the most conservative definitions of religion by having a divine figure who can be channelled, a core inspirational text, and a set of practices that modulate community behaviour and expression. Because the historicity of traditional faiths can and must be challenged, this should lead us to ask why one fictional text is so much more ludicrous than another as a basis for a belief system.

but seriously, the article was a really interesting read. as someone who spends most of their time on the marauders side of the fandom, it was fascinating to see the exact same <my fave> deserved better sentiment expressed with all sincerity by """the other side""":

The idea that Rowling was somehow wrong in her portrayal of Snape or the decisions she made for him is surprisingly common. […] Many Rowling critics are also frustrated by what they see as hagiographic treatment of the Marauders and Lily Evans at the expense of Snape

Many had come to expect a more public display of his essential goodness and loyalty, and some kind of reward for the dangers he had faced. These expectations were shared and supported via two years’ worth of community discussion, speculation, and fanfiction. When his expected rewards did not eventuate, a more extreme wing of fandom began to see Snape as something of an objective reality with Rowling as a flawed scribe who does not ‘own’ him. […] This discourse again assumes that Rowling has done him wrong, with Snape positioned as someone who exists outside of her mind. Fanfiction is used as a creative means of reversing death and restoring dignity, suggesting that Snape (and the project of creating and maintaining his character) stretches beyond the canonical novels. This can also be read as a manifestation of fans creating their own canon.

Oh wow, I was way too young back then but I find this fascinating - i'm referring to that post about the mwpp fandom in the early 2000s. Can I just ask you: what was people's initial reaction to SWM? And Sirius's family background? I mean, was there discourse around, did people generally like it / hate it? Were people upset about their hcs being ruined? I can't even comprehend interacting with the mwpp canon when it was still changing so much. Really really cool, I would like to know more!

Oooooh these are all GREAT questions! And I'm going to tag @broomsticks and @twentysevensummers here, because I think you're better suited to answer these historical questions than I am.

For my part, I was heavily heavily invested in reading Sirius & Harry fics (like I still am now lmao) but that meant having to read a TON of Sirius/OFC fics to get my Sirius & Harry fix. I was way less picky back then about the fics I read, because I had to be, lmao. There were SO MANY stories about Sirius having had a secret wife and kids when he went to Azkaban, and Harry then got adopted into that blended family after POA. Or, if Sirius was a single man when he adopted Harry in a fic, he usually then fell in love with the pretty, young Healer who took care of Harry post-Dursleys. I know, I know. Gag me.

Anyway, all that to say, the headcanons I ran into regarding Sirius's family usually involved him being very straight and having a secret family lmao. I didn't run into much that covered his parents/siblings. At least, not much that I remember anymore, 20 years later.

I don't remember much of a reaction to SWM, mostly because I noped out of the fandom entirely after OOTP. I read a few fix-its, and then HBP came out and ruined any hope of Sirius being resurrected, so I just.........left, lmao.

I also didn't run into much discourse, but then, social media sites where you can talk about headcanons/fics (like Tumblr and Twitter) weren't around. So basically it was me reading fics on fanfiction.net and then screaming internally about them hahahaha. I'm sure there was discourse on LiveJournal, but I spent my LiveJournal years squarely in Sherlock fandom, so I didn't see any of that.

I'm so sorry that I'm the worst person to ask this question of, lmao. I am putting this post in the Wolfstar tag, in hopes that other elder fans can actually answer your questions!

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

I gotta say, I am happy the SL fandom has been more... calm, during the past year. Or, well... not calmed down, but I guess I have settled with it more?? Or y'all have settled with me?

Cause I stumbled across my liveblog posts from when I watched the show for the first time, and a lot of them had comments to them. Which, of course, was very fun! But a lot of comments I remember I got a bit stressed or intimidated by.

I have a way of writing and have a certain energy and I guess it takes a while to really get to know me. I also noticed that, as a newbie, people seemed to want me to think a certain way or want me to know how I was supposed to feel about things. I have noticed I can be the same with newbies, it's often well-meaning. But I didn't feel like that when I was in it myself.

I said that I liked Lumon, people told me "You will forget about them when you meet Simbar, cause Simbar is SO much better!" I said that I saw Nina as ace and I got an anon ask almost immediately asking me to explain myself why I would think that. I could write that I found a scene funny, and get a comment on the post, "this character really gets on my nerves here". Very often it was about Luna, or Jim or Yam. Three characters I often find very funny and sweet, so it wasn't the most fun when I just wanted to write something positive and I got the comment that people found them annoying in the scene - it was like, I was wrong for liking them in the scene. I could express that I didn't like Lutteo and get the comments "HOW CAN YOU NOT?!?!? THEIR CHEMISTRY IS OFF THE ROOFS?!?"

So what happened? I started to do the opposite out of spite.

I never forgot about Lumon. I did love Simbar a lot and I am happy they're endgame, but I never forgot about Lumon.

I don't think Nina is ace anymore, but I did for a very long time. Perhaps because, to some people, this caused a reaction?

I am still very defensive over Luna, Jim and Yam. Especially in season 3 - cause every time I see anyone say that they "pushed Nina to be with Eric" I just hope they'll see one of my thousands essays about it. They did not, and I will die on this hill. As much as it sucks, it was Nina herself primarily who got closer to Eric. Her friends encouraged it because they wanted their friend to be happy. Is it annoying when they go "ooh, I think he likes you". Yes. But guess what? Nina does that to them too. She actually has done that more than they have, they literally really only do it to her in s3. It just feels like you blame everything on them. And in the end, her friends don't give a damn who she dates as long as she's happy. I even think it would have been a little worse if her friends were like "No! You have to try to get back with Gastón! You have to keep thinking about him!" Did they do it perfectly? No, they're literally like 17 years old. They just go from their own life experiences, and yes, they might project their own thoughts onto Nina's situation, but Nina also does that to them. No one is innocent here. Every time I see a "they pushed her" post, I literally wish the person would rewatch season 3 or perhaps, actually watch it properly instead of jumping to conclusions. And if they have watched it then I am so tempted to send them one of my posts. This got very long, and I also have other examples - anyway, if I love and praise them, do not come and be like "they're annoying :/" in my comment section. Literally people being like this has caused me to always be on edge when mentioning them - even though no one has acted like this since last year (as mentioned above, the fandom has calmed down imo), I legit feel like I constantly need to be ready to defend them.

And yes, I still absolutely do not like Lutteo and I will like them even less if you tell me that I will like them. You can't tell me what to do??

Also I think due to how people reacted the first time, this may be one of my fave scenes out of spite, but weirdly enough one of my favorite scenes in the show is the girls talking about lutteo and niric in 3x56. I absolutely dislike both ships. I want them to not be a couple at all. BUT, the girls?? Being so excited for each other?? Luna joking that "what, should we tell everyone at roller to not be close to them" and Jim and Yam going "YES!! IT'S A GREAT IDEA!!"? IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, BUT IT'S SO FUNNY JUST BECAUSE IT'S SO TYPICALLY JIM AND YAM TO THINK IT IS (and guess what, Nina was happy they did that). And I've liked scenes like that before, for example in S1 when Luna and Nina dance away like "someone likes Ramiro!". I don't ship Yamiro at all either, but friends being supportive, teasing and excited for their friends just makes me so happy.

Anyway. Conclusion is, people in the SL fandom I feel aren't as much... questioning me anymore, like I felt people did when I first watched the show. But, as you noticed here, I do go off very easily, and that's because I have I am just used to having to defend myself. Even though, at this point, people are chill, people are fine, it's all good. You never know...