#themselves and i love when that means they arent always what you expect

[unearthedheart]

ray and emma are t4t to ME

[solxamber]

Madly in love with how you write the twst cast its all so good genuinely read the idia x sentient npc one and its SO GOOD I THINK NBJVSD

Tossing in a request since it seems like theyre open,,

How about headcanons oneshot whatever you feel like writing, for Azul in mer form x a reader, who understands what he feels about himself, since before they were frequently bullied too, giving way for reader having a terrible self esteem and image of themselves, so when they happen to see him in merform, with the knowledge of his own opinions of his merform, theyre actively being incredibly encouraging and affectionate towards him maybe moreso than normal, to show they arent gonna hate him for just being himself

Romantic preferred but go with whatever ya wanna if you do end up writin, have a good day ! :]

Good enough - Azul x Reader

Thank you so much!! I'm really glad you liked it! 🫶 and thanks for the request <3 I hope you like it!

Azul had always been self-conscious about his merform. He’d avoid showing it at any cost, especially to you. The sight of his tentacles felt like a reminder of everything he was insecure about. His mind was quick to dredge up memories of those who had ridiculed him—distant echoes that still haunted him.

But today, fate had conspired against him.

You didn’t mean to stumble upon him while he was in his merform, swimming quietly in a private lagoon, seeking solitude. The moment your eyes met his, Azul froze. Panic coursed through him, and his tentacles twitched in agitation. He wanted to flee, to hide, to get out of sight before you said anything that might sting.

Azul immediately tried to disappear beneath the water, a soft ripple marking where he’d submerged. But you could see the tips of his tentacles, still close to the surface, betraying his location.

“Azul?” you called out gently, trying not to spook him. “You don’t have to hide from me.”

A few bubbles rose to the surface. Slowly, his head appeared again, water cascading off his shoulders. He wouldn’t meet your gaze, his eyes averted in shame. “I… didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Neither did I,” you said with a light chuckle, settling yourself by the water's edge. “But since I am, why don’t you talk to me?”

He hesitated, tentacles curling around him protectively. His gaze flickered up briefly before darting back down again. It wasn’t like Azul to look so… vulnerable. You waited patiently, giving him the time to collect his thoughts, refusing to press too hard.

Finally, with a heavy sigh, he whispered, “I know I shouldn’t care. It’s been years. I’ve built myself up to be powerful, untouchable.” He paused, his voice trembling slightly. “But… the bullying… it still got to me more than I’d like to admit.”

The admission felt like it had been pulled from deep within him, something he’d kept buried for far too long. It hurt to hear him speak with such anguish, the usually confident Azul now stripped of his armor.

You slid closer, dipping your feet into the water as if bridging the distance between you could make your words sink deeper. “Azul, that doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you less than what you’ve become.”

Azul’s eyes flicked up to you, filled with a mixture of surprise and uncertainty. His tentacles, once coiled tightly around him, relaxed just slightly.

“Those people—they didn’t define you. You’ve done that for yourself,” you continued, voice steady and firm. “And you’ve built something incredible, something they could never take from you. But it’s okay if it still hurts. You don’t have to pretend with me.”

He was silent for a long moment, letting your words sink in. Slowly, his tentacles began to uncurl further, stretching out in the water like a silent surrender.

“You know, I was bullied too when I was younger."

Azul's gaze flickered, his usual composure faltering. He wasn't expecting that. You had always seemed so confident, so at ease. He could scarcely imagine you feeling the same shame he had once felt.

"I get it. People can be cruel, and they don’t need a good reason to tear you down. I thought it was because something was wrong with me… because I wasn’t ‘good enough’ for them to be kind."

Azul remained silent, but you saw his posture relax ever so slightly. You continued, voice softer, “But I’m starting to realize… that I’m not what they said I was. And neither are you.”

His tentacles curled in close again, an instinctive defense. His voice was hesitant when he spoke. “And what am I, in your eyes?”

You let out a small chuckle, shaking your head. “Someone who doesn’t have to hide. Someone who’s clever, capable… and worth being proud of. Tentacles or not.”

Azul was staring now, looking for any trace of deception or insincerity in your words. But he found none. Instead, he found your gentle gaze, filled with admiration that made his heart race in ways he couldn’t quite explain.

"You’re... not disgusted?" he asked softly, the vulnerability in his tone almost breaking your heart.

"Disgusted?" You laughed gently. "Azul, no way. Actually..." You leaned in conspiratorially, "I think you look beautiful."

Azul looked at you then, truly looked at you. His eyes were wide with surprise, as though he couldn’t believe what you���d just said. Slowly, his lips quirked up into a faint smile, tentative but genuine.

“Beautiful, huh?” he asked softly, a touch of amusement in his tone, but there was something deeper in his gaze—something vulnerable and hopeful.

You smiled back at him. “Absolutely. And, Azul… you don’t have to hide from me. I see you. All of you. And I’m not going anywhere.”

His heart stuttered in his chest. He’d never expected to hear words like that, not directed at him, not sincerely. And from you? Someone he held in such high regard? Azul wasn’t sure how to respond, so he did the only thing he could—he let your words sink in.

As he studied you—his tentacles uncoiling slowly in the water—you reached out, your hand grazing the smooth surface of one of them. His breath hitched, but you didn’t pull away. Instead, your touch was light, affectionate. Comforting.

For the first time in a long while, Azul felt… accepted. He felt like he didn’t need to hide, not from you. The world might still be cruel, but with you by his side, it didn’t seem so overwhelming.

In a quieter voice, you added with a teasing grin, “Plus, if anyone has a problem with your tentacles, you could just... slap them out of the way, right?”

Azul’s laugh bubbled up unexpectedly—rich and genuine. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You both shared a warm silence for a moment before he raised one of his hands from the water. His fingers were delicate and graceful as he reached for yours, gently intertwining them. “Thank you… for seeing me.”

You gave his hand a small squeeze, your voice filled with determination. “You don’t have to thank me, Azul. I’m always going to see you.”

As you sat there, your hand intertwined with Azul's, the world seemed to slow down around you. The soft ripple of the water, the gentle warmth of the sun filtering through the lagoon, the quiet intimacy of the moment—it all felt like a perfect bubble outside of reality. You couldn’t help but notice the way Azul’s fingers fit so naturally with yours, his touch unexpectedly warm and comforting.

Azul’s gaze was locked on you, something unreadable and intense flickering in his deep blue eyes. His tentacles, which had once been so tightly coiled, now drifted lazily in the water, brushing lightly against your legs. There was a new kind of softness to him, a vulnerability that he’d only ever shown to you.

“You really are something special,” he repeated, this time with a weight that made your heart skip a beat.

His voice was low, almost reverent, and it sent a shiver down your spine. The smile on your lips faltered for a moment as the air around you seemed to shift, charged with a sudden tension that was anything but uncomfortable. Azul’s eyes flickered down to your hands, his thumb brushing over your knuckles in a slow, deliberate motion.

“You’re the only one who’s ever seen me like this,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “The only one who’s ever made me feel… worthy”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you felt your heart pounding in your chest. His words, so genuine and vulnerable, struck a chord deep within you. You hadn’t expected him to open up like this, hadn’t anticipated the way your own emotions would swell in response.

“And you…” Azul’s voice softened even more as he met your gaze again, his eyes glinting with something that made your pulse quicken. “You’re the first person who’s ever made me feel truly seen.”

There was a pause—a heartbeat where neither of you moved, and yet everything seemed to change. You weren’t sure who leaned in first, but suddenly, the distance between you was closing, the world narrowing to just the two of you. The scent of saltwater hung in the air, mingling with the warmth of his presence.

Azul’s free hand came up to cup your cheek, his touch feather-light as though you were something fragile, precious. He studied your face with an intensity that made your cheeks heat, his expression soft but filled with something deeper, something that made your chest ache.

Then, before you could process it, Azul gently pressed his lips to yours. The kiss was soft and sweet, almost hesitant at first, as though he were testing the waters. But the moment your lips met, it felt like everything around you disappeared—the lagoon, the past, the pain of old memories—none of it mattered in that moment.

You responded in kind, leaning into the kiss, your hand tightening around his as if to ground yourself in the reality of it all. His lips were warm against yours, soft and reassuring, and the taste of the sea lingered faintly on them. It was a quiet, tender kiss, filled with unspoken promises and a vulnerability that neither of you had dared show the world before now.

When you finally pulled apart, both of you were breathless, foreheads resting against each other as you shared the same space, the same air. Azul’s gaze lingered on you, his eyes dark and warm with a depth of affection you hadn’t expected to see there.

“You’re beautiful,” you whispered, your voice soft but unwavering. “Inside and out.”

Azul closed his eyes for a moment, exhaling a shaky breath. When he opened them again, they were filled with something warm and tender, something that made your heart feel like it was swelling in your chest.

“And you,” he said quietly, his voice filled with emotion, “are more than I ever deserved.”

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Azul, you deserve everything.”

Azul smiled at you, the expression soft and genuine in a way that made your heart flutter. His hand still cradled your cheek, and as he leaned in again, brushing his lips gently against your forehead, you couldn’t help but feel like, for the first time in a long time, you both had finally found something—someone—worth holding onto.

And in that soft, intimate moment, beneath the soft sunlight, it felt as though the walls he’d carefully built around himself were beginning to fall. Not entirely gone, but for the first time, Azul felt he didn’t need them quite as much—not with you here, not with the way you looked at him, like he was something precious.

Masterlist

[agirlwithglam]

how to have an alluring and magnetic aura always?? even when you feel insecure 💞

hi pookie!

ok so first, fix the insecure part. because you shouldn't be wanting to be attractive and appealing to others when you're not even that to yourself! people see and feel the vibe of how you feel about yourself and if you're insecure, then they can see that. how do you expect people to love and accept you if you don't yourself?

so first to have a magnetic aura, grow yourself. become confident, evolve as a person, learn new things, be cultured, etc. learn more about yourself first. anyways, heres some tips;

how to be magnetic and alluring

⭐️magnetic people are charismatic! take an interest in others, make them feel seen and heard. to be honest nowadays its not even so hard to do that because so many people are obsessed with their phone or all they do is always talk about themselves. imagine how appreciated someone would feel if you actually took the time to make them feel seen and appreciated and loved as a person? stop focussing on making you look magnetic and alluring, and start focusing on how you can make other people feel better!

also along with this, be kind. you do not wanna be one of those fake confident people who think theyre confident but are actually really rude. no. instead, ask people about their day, check up on them. be a good person. be empathetic and show sincere interest in others!

⭐️your vibration. below i have put a vibration chart. when you are vibrating at a higher level with joy, love, and peace, you can easily attract much more and much better into your life! but when you're vibrating in the lower end of the spectrum in fear, guild, and anger, then people can also sense that and will stay away from you.

to get your vibration higher, what you can do is do things that make you happy, make you laugh! whether thats spending time with people you love, watching a comedy, dancing all your heart out (dancing is a very good option btw), do it and see how you feel after.

⭐️dont overshare about your life. let there be a bit of mystery around you. let people wonder a bit about you. dont tell theme very single story of your life- and learn that its okay if theres parts in a conversation where you're silent and have nothing to say. pausing to actually take the time to think about what to ask is much better then desperately trying to fill the conversations with meaningless stories about yourself.

⭐️BE AUTHENTIC. if youre trying to be someone else or copy their personality, how they talk their style, etc completely- people can sense that low vibrational energy! they can sense that you dont feel comfortable in the person who you are which then makes you more repulsive to others. always be fully and truly yourself.

not everyone will like or love you for being yourself, but you need to stop seeing that something so bad and scary. its actually good to be disliked because then you will attract so many lovely better people for you who love you wholly for the person you are!

⭐️present yourself in the best way possible. a way that makes you feel confident in yourself. a way that makes you step out into the world and truly believe that you can do anything. i dont mean be super obsessed with your looks, but take care of yourself. have good hygiene. smell nice. wear nice clothes that make you feel better. when people see that you're taking care of yourself and you really care about yourself, they will reflect that to you.

⭐️have an open body style! make eye contact and dont close your body- that will make you look reserved and as if you don't want anyone to come to you because you're too scared. don't be afraid to TAKE UP SPACE!

your to-do list:

when you're having a conversation with someone else, listen to all the words they say, how they say it, how they feel about it, then ask questions about it it will much more naturally come to you when you arent spending the entire time thinking about what to say to please them

go check up on a friend or a love one right now. text them saying how are you? let them know you're thinking of them.

start doing your favourite hobbies, stuff that your younger self loved doing.

actually take care of yourself when you go out. get your nails done, brush your hair, lip gloss, etc.

next time you're in a public space/ an event/ party, have an open body langauge and DON'T cross your arms!

do something that will raise your vibration

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I love your blog! I think this will be a safe space to talk and i will start this discussion in english but i can’t stand international groups mainly english speakers who occupy the ancient greek space whether it is online or academically. We greeks are taunted and patronised about everything, i don’t see people acting the same way to germans or norwegians when they know barely of their pre christian religions or why they arent vikings like the old times, even countries like india who they aren’t anymore like their great past yet get a pass. And in the end of the day they don’t even know anything else aside from the big three as i call them aka Athens,Sparta and Macedon occasionally Thebes but then again ignore many other smaller city states,kingdoms and islands that existed at the same time and had their own unique cultures. I mean even our name “Hellas” came from a funky epirotan tribe that foreigners would deem as un-greek because greekness to them is antiquity period.

True, for the colonizing nations and the empires who wanted to claim ancient Greece as theirs, Greeks can never win. It's been like this for centuries at this point, because arguments like "Greeks are uneducated therefore they don't deserve this heritage" or "they don't look the same is their ancient super idealized statues, so they are not ACTUALLY Greeks by blood, therefore not having a right to Greek heritage although they're culturally Greek" have been already used since the 19th century at least. Another "argument" that servers the same purpose is "Greek culture belongs to everyone", meanwhile they never say this about Norwegian, Egyptian, Indian, Afghani, Chinese, and other cultures 🙄

I think the same argument of the locals lacking some knowledge has also been used used for India and Egypt at some point, when Western Europeans were doing excavations and research there and considered themselves better than the locals who "dared" not having a perfect knowledge of what those buried things in their country were.

Locals don't have an obligation to have perfect knowledge of their heritage in order to have a right to it.

Those who you can expect an almost perfect knowledge from are scholars, who are specifically getting paid to devote most of their time in the subject. And, of course there were always Greek scholars who studied their antiquity. Not to mention, even scholars can't know everything and have to devote their attention to certain periods.

[vxlentinescookies]

https://www.tumblr.com/vxlentinescookies/752305264828563456/httpswwwtumblrcomvxlentinescookies7522944908?source=share

Thanks! Tbh I thought I'd vent the idea to see if you likes it before requesting a fic or a drabble of it...yaknow, see how ya like it lol!

And now to turn this into a request:

Can you write a fic or a drabble of this adorable thing when you feel up for it? Couldn't decide which so I'll leave it up to you lol! Btw take your time, remember to hydrate and so on lol! Sending ya a hug....or if you don't like sudden hugs or something, a high five. Lmao!

��� ❛Dragons and Wyverns❜

→ Pairing ;Royal Margarine Cookie x Autistic!Reader → Quote ; ❛❛But the truth is, he could never be mad at you.❜❜ → Genre ; Fluff → A/N ; Eeeeee hope i did this request justice, i hope you like it!!

It was a calm afternoon in the Dragon City, birds chirped, the sunset welcomed the air of the evening, and like everyday, Royal Margarine cookie would come out to boast about his alleged achievements. Of course there would be nothing wrong about that, the children found it cool, the ladies swooned or… only laughed if they knew the truth he revealed when he got drunk or from rumors that ran away, and then, there was you, always by his side to aid in the telling of the story to the best of your capabilities.

“And when all seemed lost, I scoured the skies with my trusty dragon and—”

“Wait, I thought Buttercream was a wy-”

“Ah—!”

He loved you, he really did, he admired your motivation and your knowledge on dragons, even if sometimes like these times, it came into play in the wrong moments. Royal Margarine would shush you rather quickly, attempting to continue the story, but you wouldnt let it go, in fact, attempting to be a bit louder which caused some children to look confused, while the ladies and men would simply laugh to themselves, crossing their arms in a “we’ve caught you” notion. That’d mark the end of the storytime for the “dragon” rider, as both him and his partner would walk home calmly, albeit not without chitchat being made along the way, little chatter about how their day had gone, about what they’d have for dinner, until eventually they’d get to the topic of the storytime.

“Right, sweetheart, about that…” He’d begin scratching the back of his head “I’d appreciate it if you didnt interrupt me while telling my stories…”

“But Buttercream is a wyvern!” You’d say as you both approached your home, to which Margarine would look behind him before opening the door for you, after all, he always had manners.

“Yes, but its a secret! People cant get to know that—”

“Why? Arent Wyverns dragons?” You’d ask innocently, once again cutting him off which would catch him off guard, but not for the reasons you would expect. “Sorry”

“No-No, Im not mad at you, its just… How to say this…” He’d close the door behind himself, thinking for a moment before speaking yet again “Uhm, darling… Wyverns arent, dragons…”

It’d take you a moment to register the answer as you’d set down your messenger bag, looking at the couch before turning to see him, an unreadable expression in your eyes as you tried to comprehend what he had just told you. Wyverns werent… dragons? But you had done your research! You learned about as much as there were about dragons as there were tales in the city, but, as doubt began to settle down, perhaps… only perhaps…

“Wyverns, wyverns arent dragons?” You’d ask him, just to make sure that what you had heard was correct, to which the dragon rider would nod slowly, a sorrowful gaze in his face as he realized this seemed to cause a shift in you. “But— The books—”

“They are similar, which may be why they may have been fit together, but they’re not… the same, sweetheart” He’d say, walking to your side to hold your hand and lead you to the couch. 

“Oh…” You’d speak, before turning to look at him once again, already opening your mouth to speak yet again “But— That means Buttercream is…”

“Yes, she’s not a dragon, she’s indeed a wyvern.”

“... Then why do you call yourself a dragon rider?” Your question would come tainted in curiosity, and he’d only chuckle though at the realization that he didnt have an exact answer, he’d only look at the floor before answering.

“Well… Because Wyvern Rider sounds weird, no? Besides, Dragon Rider does sound quite fashionable”

“Ah, I see… Well, I’ll go make dinner, its already late and we should be having dinner soon!” You’d say, shaking your hands softly as you headed into the kitchen, leaving Royal Margarine out in the sofa.

“Sweetheart, let me help you” He’d say, already sprinting to walk to your side, which you welcomed as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders with a smile “Woah”

“Im just— Excited! This is very exciting! I didnt know different kinds of species related to dragons existed! Did you know that—”

And then there was no stopping you as you spoke and spoke about dragon facts to your boyfriend, who only would sigh and smile warmly, knowing he’d be having to take care about most of the cooking this time around save you hurt yourself as you focused on your rambling. Though he didnt mind, he knew you liked his cooking, and he always made sure to make extra for Buttercream everytime.

As so, next time you saw Buttercream, you’d smile and talk to her about how she was a wyvern and not a dragon, but also admit that you knew she probably knew that already. But its safe to say that everytime Margarine told his usual achievements as a dragon rider, you’d butt in to correct him innocently, causing him to try to shush you everytime, and for nearby listeners to either look confused or laugh softly. But the truth is, he could never be mad at you.

[lucigoo]

#269 - Living Weapon @flashfictionfridayofficial

Pairing - Siirus/Remus

Warnings - murder (but we arent sad about it!)

Words - 1018

Summary - Sirius and Remus are about to pay Dumbledore a visit.

They gave their entire lives and the family they clawed together for themselves up for him and his war. That will NOT be Harry's fate!

A03 link here

Sirius crept through the halls of Hogwarts until he meet up with Remus outside of Dumbledore’s office.

They had cast notice-me-not charms and Moffitt so they could whisper without being caught.

“Is he in there?”

“It says so,” Remus said as he checked on the map.

Without thinking, both sets of eyes zoomed to Gryffindor Tower, where they checked Harry was safely tucked in his dorm.

“We really doing this Pads?”

“What choice do we have? You know he won’t stop. He never has. He thinks his is the only way,” Sirius said with a growl.

“Alright love. Just ... this will change everything.”

“Good! I will NOT allow him to become another casualty like we were,” Sirius said as he gave Remus a quick kiss on the lips, lingering there until they had to pull away. “Come on Moony,” he said with a sad sigh before straightening his spine, throwing his head back and marching into Dumbledore’s office, Remus casting privacy spells behind them.

“Boys,” Dumbledore said. Looking as though he had expected them. “What can I do for you?” He asked with that damnable twinkle in his eyes.

Remus had to place a restraining hand on Sirius’ shoulder so he didn’t fly across the room and claw Dumbledore’s eyes out.

“You know why we’re here,” Sirius snarled.

“I assume it has something to do with Harry, no?” Dumbledore said, the picture of calm.

“Of course it’s to do with Harry. What other reason would I have to speak to you?”

“Sirius ...”

“Don’t Sirius me Dumbledore. I’m not your boy any more. I should never have been. You left me to rot. The greatest wizard in the world and you left me to rot, and you ignored Remus until you needed him and you SENT HARRY TO THE MERLIN DAMNED DURSELYS!” Sirius screamed at the man. Panting from the rage he had just unleashed.

“There are reasons Sirius. There have always been reasons. Everything I do has always been for the gre ...”

“The greater good Dumbledore?” Remus asked, venom in his voice. “You know what I found out? I found out he lived in a fucking cupboard and you knew it because it was in his first letter. A cupboard. That boy was treated worse than a house-elf and you knew.”

“Remus, you must understand what we are facing,” Dumbledore said, trying to placate the two men before him.

“Oh, we know. Here,” Sirius said as he threw Ravenclaw’s diadem on Dumbledore’s desk. “That’s the last one. The diary is gone, the cup, the locket, the ring and the diadem. That’s all of them apart from the snake and Harry right?" Sirius asked, glaring at Dumbledore who now looked at them in shock.

“How ....”

“What? Like it was difficult. Lily was amazing, and she protected that boy with everything she had, but that doesn’t mean that Harry should see into Voldemort’s head. That’s dark magic. And when your are looking into dark magic, you find a wizard raised in a dark family with the most extensive library there is. And guess who we have?” Remus said with a raised eyebrow.

“You know about the horcrux’s? Harry?”

“It isn’t difficult to figure out once you have one of the horcrux’s. We had one. We found the others and Bill Weasley is working with Gringott’s to figure out how to get rid of the one in Harry. He will not face his parents’ murderer because you won’t use the resources at your disposal, Dumbledore!” Sirius shouted. Remus’s hand was the only thing restraining him.

“Sirius, my boy ...”

“He is not your boy. None of us should have been. We were children you moulded to fight a war. You should have asked other adults to fight for you. But you didn’t Dumbledore. You used a child army, and you have tried to make Harry the same. He will not die on our watch and he will not become anymore of a murderer than you have already made him!” Remus bit out, pulling Sirius closer.

“I have never made Harry into a murderer. I am not sure what you mean.”

“Of course not. You also know nothing about a door licked with alohamora, which they are taught in their third lesson. You know nothing about a giant fucking snake, or letting dementors lose in the school. And don’t get me started on the Triwizard tournament. You didn’t notice your lifelong friend wasn’t himself? Yeah, ok,” Remus said rolling his eyes, trying not to scream at Dumbledore.

“Well, it seems we are at an impasse, men. I have only ever tried to do what’s right for the greater good. And I shall continue to do so,” Dumbledore declared loftily.

“We know,” Remus said with a sad sigh. “We thought you were great. We worshipped you, trusted you. And I’m sure you cared, but never enough about us as people as opposed to pawns.” Remus then turned from Dumbledore and started walking towards the door.

“Remus, my boy ...” Dumbledore said, trying to placate him.

He hadn’t realised that Sirius had crept up beside him. “He isn’t your boy. He was never your boy. He should never have had to be grateful to be given an education or accepted. Harry will not beg for scraps of affection from you because you isolated him.”

“Sirius, you need to unde ...”

Dumbledore never got to finish his sentence. Sirius stepped over his dead body and grabbed Remus’s hand as they walked out of the headmaster’s office.

They had to get out unseen, which was easy enough for them. Harry would not be a pawn for Dumbledore’s chess board. He may have tried to raise him as a living weapon, but Sirius and Remus were going to show him he was more than that. They were going to show him he was worthy of love and worth the adults around him protecting him for once.

“Moony ...”

Remus grabbed him and pulled him in tight. “It’s alright love, we’re doing this for Harry.”

And with that they walked out of Hogwarts, ready to do whatever it took for their boy!

[highoncatfood]

im going to dump my thoughts on u here cuz i can anyway have u heard of the song Bed of Roses by Mindless Self Indulgence ive been listening to it on loop and i am going to share with u my interpretation of the lyrics cuz it seems im an outlier amongst what people (or atleast whats on the genius page) think it means but my take is so real and true to me

basically Bed of Roses is thought to be a song about being passive in life and letting things pass you by and happen as they do, not caring about making the perfect life, but for me personally it always came off as being about suicidal thoughts and that interpretation not only makes more sense to me but also is far more interesting

'hey its alright my life has never been a bed of roses' is the singer talking about their life, saying how its unlike a bed of roses which are seen as beautiful and also a symbol of love (also searching it up it seems bed of roses is an expression for a carefree easy life) in short theyre saying their life sucks, but thinking of it in the context of it being suicidal its interesting because the 'hey its alright' then sounds like a rationalization, the following line 'this ways better for me' only helps with painting this image. its a person rationalizing their thoughts by going 'hey my life has always sucked, death would just be better for me'

and the line 'i dont care to live the life ive chosen' further adds to this, its explicitly saying they dont care to live their life

then theres the next part, which is pretty similiar to the last but then there is the line 'dont feel sorry for me', they're asking an outside party to not feel bad for their planned demise, and its repetition makes it seem like begging almost. tying this into the earlier verses which can be read as rationalization makes it seem like the singer is a person trying to comfort and placate a close one, by rationalizing that their suicide will be better for them and begging them to not feel sorry

also 'feeling sorrys been my lifes devotion' is a banger line . i have thoughts on what it could be interpreted as but i feel like the connections arent strong enough and the line like speaks for itself i think

i think this part could be about being resistance to change or healing, it could be a negative reaction to this outside party trying to talk them out of it or reason with them, but in the end they still say 'my friend' showing they care and love them. the 'screw you' could perhaps also be read as someone trying to distance themselves from their loved ones in hopes that their death wont be as painful then

i think its interesting how after that the song ends with just a reptition of 'my lifes never been a bed of roses', perhaps im looking too far into it but it could be seen as the 'last stage', of fixating on the worst parts of life as you spiral annnd .

anyway i like this song and i kinda associate this song with seth but 4 different reasons (flower imagery, lifes sucked, not wanting pity, 'feeling sorrys been my life devotion' -> religion with its emphasis on remorse for sins and devotion. etc.)

was not expecting this at all and i dont know this song but! i like this interpretation thank u for sharing honestly i always love to read too much into lyrics and i tend to come up with diff interpretations than wht was most likely the artists intention

for example recently ive been thinking of reuse the cels by car seat headrest as a song abt gender dysphoria and the transition process (when in.reality its abt like. getting back into a relationship with someone which havent worked out in the past or whetevr)

i like to think the narrator is actually talking abt themself 'i should be glad to have you back' the 'you' being their own sense of identity

'i know every frame so many times that ive seen' refering to their own body, reminiscent of how a lot of trans folks experiencing dysphoria who tend to worry abt their self image and the ways their body looks, r constantly thinking abt it and spotting every detail, being forced to look at it everyday, wishing it was something esle/wanting to change it

this chorus and lines to me r abt hrt and like. thinking of times before realizing they were trans, times when maybe they were oblivious and not yet so worried abt their body and/or identity and wanting to not have to worry again and be happy with themself, hoping tht hrt will help with that. but at the same time the fear and anxiety that comes with not knowing if medically transitioning will guarantee being freed from all the insecurity and pain caused by the dysphoric feelings. asking urself what if it doesnt satisfy. wht if going through all that trouble, all those changes, spending all that time and money doesnt even bring the result ur hoping for. is it worth it? u dont have to do all of that. wht if all it does is drain u of energy and hope and actually make u into something further from wht ur goal was (symbolized by fading colors on reused animation cels [idk much abt that but also u could interpret it as like real body cells i guess] like.... the repeating process of replacing hormones, going through constant physical changes and stuff) so generally like. indecision and thinking too far ahead/overthinking i guess. does any of that make sense im jst saying whtever comes to mind at this point i gave up on trying to keep this cohesive

'doesnt it seem an awful waste' and 'will i lose you again' can be the narrator again referring to themself, thinking that the person they were pre-transition will fade away. that they couldve lived a completely different life, that all they do is bring 'that girl or boy they couldve been' to an end. replacing them with the desired version of themself, but not sure if thats still even the same person they used to be

and. i think it should be obvious but this is all based on how i myself deal with and think of my identity as a trans person. i feel like i should clarify that this isnt me saying that this is the experience of every trans person, each of us is different etc etc

um anyway yeah thanks for the ask wiki i might listen to the song u talked abt at some point <3

[cartoonrival]

can u explain (at least ur interpretation of it) the meaning behind the catgirl art cause i feel stupid for not getting it at all 😭

the way i interpret it is that its about how people refuse to see meaning in things outside of themselves. if something isn't about them they're going to make it about them, and they'll ignore it's uncomfortable elements so that they can SAY its about them. being online makes everything and everyone hyper visible, but there remains an expectation of relatability that just. is not always there. sometimes it isn't about you. but people especially online like to scrub the meaning and the sharp edges off of things so they can make it relatable to them, or so they can make it into a funny joke. loose examples off the dome are people going into the comments of a video about bean soup and being like what if i dont like beans? or when people make animatics of their fave loving mlm ships set to songs about abuse or the struggles of being a woman of color.

using catgirls as the subject 1) connects it to a type of art that is frequently used for relatable jokes for the sake of irony and baiting the audience into WANTING to try to make it about them and 2) ties it closely with internet culture in general because that is what the piece is commenting on. overwriting the original text, which clarifies part of the art's intent, with "me and who", and rewriting the thought bubbles from the girls thinking about how they're in pain to how theyre in love takes the original piece and does the exact sort of sandpapering that its commenting on and warding against through the original text. "i am in severe love" isn't even correct grammar, which highlights how in a lot of cases the original intent of a work doesn't even HAVE to be heavily shrouded in poetry or flowery difficult language for people to willfully misunderstand it.

halfway alternative is that rather than commenting on OTHER PEOPLE'S willful misunderstanding, its about how artists feel the need to make their own struggles more palatable in order to appeal to a wider audience, fear of being open and known and being afraid that people won't understand the unique struggles you're trying to articulate if you don't sand them down into something recognizable (like the "me and who" meme).

this is obviously just what i read from it i cant say what op intended. maybe im being an asshole and the ppl in the notes saying "^im a catgirl in chronic pain #mecore" arent getting it wrong at all

[facelesspassport]

Don't listen to those people. There are not always clear signs that a man will hurt/kill you, and even when there are signs we can not always be expected to recognize them. A man's sudden withdrawal from the relationship is no clearer an indication of danger than his sudden lovebombing. It is absurd (and disgusting) when people say that a woman, "should have known to leave", before her husband killed her. And it is absurd to believe that any woman would be able to walk away from years of marriage with ease- not when society constantly tells us that refusing a husbands authority is one of the greatest evils a woman can commit.

I can assure you that the last victim of femicide felt like her marriage was worth fighting for. Im sure she genuinely believed that her husband had a good heart deep down, just like you feel about your husband. When she told people, "my husband has been really cold and distant for the last month", absolutely no one said "he is about to kill you, girl, leave!". No. They only said "love is hard work", and she couldnt argue with that. Sure, she was worried but she never felt as though he would kill her. Because that would be insane! I mean, really. What sane woman could suspect her own husband is evil? What normal wife doesn't feel a deep sense of trust and love for her own husband?? It is good that we are approaching the fifth wave, recognizing this pattern, and protecting ourselves by staying vigilant with male partners. But even with our vigilance most of us still wouldnt know when to leave a man, because of our instinct to be loving and pressure from society to trust our husbands unconditionally. When women express fear or concern we are branded "paranoid" and "hysterical", and when our male partners exhibit red flags it is often excused and ignored by others. No matter how you slice it, the most common cause of death in adult women is homicide via a male partner/relative, and I refuse to believe that these millions of murdered women are simply too dumb to protect themselves- rather they are just subtly gaslit their entire lives until it is too late. Im sure that 99% of them were told the same things youre being told right now: "oh, dont be so worried over nothing, silly goose. your husband would never do that! if he really wanted to hurt you it would be sooo obvious and you would have plenty of time to escape so dont worry at all! :-) you should never be scared of a man because theyre not all dangerous but even if some of them were dangerous you still wouldnt need to worry because its soooo obvious when they are dangerous! and you arent stupid like other women you are smart so you would be able to tell right away :-)) ".

Like.

[fantasy-fields-bitty-center]

Hi! I would like a match-up please! I currently have a Campbell (@sourbitties), an Umey and a BlackPearl (@alphamamalioness), and a Dove (@thecrimsonrescue). I'm very affectionate towards my bitties, but I am always sure to respect their boundaries. I love to cook, play videogames, read interesting stories, create my own, and draw! I have ADHD so I get distracted very easily and forget things a lot, but once I'm focused I concentrate very hard. I'll gladly take any bitties you recommend!

Lets seeeee lol, a lot of the bitties here would get along well with your bitties!

If you send in another ask after this I can give you more specific bitties! But with the lack of info about your specific bitties it's hard to pick any bitties, so ill be stating stuff about the bitty types!

-

Russ(UnderSwap Gaster Neko): They are cuddly and caring and will help clean up! They also love to read! Both by themselves and with/to others, so can help when you arent around or are busy! And with your other bitties they should do great! They hate being alone so already having a few other bitties around will help them and they can help your other bitties :]

Rib(UnderTale Monster kid Carno): They are full of energy and love to play! They are also super affectionate and wont mind other cuddly bitties(especially if they wanna play fight lol), they can be a little clumsy with their stiffer tails, meaning corners/turns are not exactly their friends when running(or sometimes walking lol), though they have an easy enough time getting up by themselves so you don’t have to worry about them to much!

Steak(UnderTale Goner kid Carno): These lil guys love water! And while they're a Carno(and still like the play fight) they arent as into play fighting as Ribs, though if you adopt them with a Rib they'll play fight with each other(and save your other bitties from some horns lol) and they are very patient with others as well!

Gingko(HorrorTale Sans Amarga): If you don’t mind a bigger bitty that needs a lot of food, they can be super cuddly and are super social due to being a herd bitty! So if you plan to get a lot more bitties they would be a great bitty to adopt as they prefer larger packs but can still get along well in smaller packs, just make sure they pretty much always have access to food, though unlike most horror bitties they wont get aggressive, they just need a shit ton of food,

Qurgi(UnderSwap Sans Inusune): These lil guys are bitties that like to have other bitties around! They do tend to need some sort of job to do like keeping track of all the bitties/making sure they stay where they're supposed to(like herding lol) or patrolling the house/yard! They can get separation anxiety but as long as they have something to do and other bitties around it's easily manageable! But expect a lil guy following you around when you get home lol,

-

You can tell me what bitties you want and what sizes and other things and I can pick out the right bitty for you!(just send another ask in lol)

[littlelambdrgnfly]

Oh my gosh i would die for an animated beatles series. i think that would be so cool. I'm so passionate about art of the beatles in general, more than i can express, and i think that would fit a lot better/ be more interesting. I think it'd also be better if so many people are so expectant for the casting to look like them. No problems on casting if you can just animate them :)

I will honestly be relieved if it doesnt happen. music biopics arent my thing either. many will disagree with me but i hated the freddie mercury biopic :( </3 loved rocketman though. But im always suspicious of movies being made about very complicated topics, especially if theyre making it just to make money. i think if they do end up making 4 movies about them, it will inevitably be bad since all 4 of their lives are so hard to represent in the format of a movie (thats at least what i feel)

And i didnt even think about their lives being almost similar during their times as beatles since they spent maybe like 60% or more of their time together up until maybe 1967. Great point. Even if it was about when they were more separated from 1967-1970, i still dont think their lives were varied enough to make 4 individual films about them

sorry im going on but you are still a beloved blog i go back to now and then (lol) and a cool person i think, so im glad i could get your opinion and also just love talking about this (since i havent been able to talk about it with another beatles fan so far) - person who sent the question about the biopic

Honestly, ever since I mentioned it, I’ve been obsessed with thinking about an animated Beatles series! Like, my god, it has the potential to be so good! I keep planning it out in my head, like each episode would be at a specific time, early years, Hamburg, Beatlemania, etc… A talented animator can express so much with so little in a way that live action usually can’t touch, and that would be so important in a rich story like the Beatles’. You could even do each chapter in a different style, or with different artists, just to highlight the changes they’re going through! God, someone get me in a room with a Netflix producer, PLEASE.

I didn’t even see Bohemian Rhapsody and I adore Queen and Freddie Mercury. As soon as I heard that the band was involved with the making, I knew that it wasn’t gonna be good. 😅 I really don’t watch any musician/actor biopics. Celebrities, and families of celebrities, are always going to make themselves look as good as possible, even if it means making a worse movie. But the whole genre is just so predictable— you’ve got a young person who loves entertainment but they’ve got some kind of barrier holding them back, they break through, they experience fame, they hit a low point usually with substance abuse, and then they either get better or die. You can’t really help it, it’s just the nature of a celebrity’s life, there’s always going to be the same elements. I mean, there’s a connection as to why Amadeus is so heavily fictionalized, not even told from Mozart’s perspective, and why it’s the best music biopic ever lol. There’s a real fine line between keeping enough of the true story and making an engaging film, and I don’t think that many filmmakers are up to the challenge.

Thanks for sending these asks! I love talking about film and television and the awful awful decisions Hollywood seems intent on making lmao! 💖

[otaku-tactician]

there a lotta beautiful posts about the dream of dating a monster and i get it! great if u feel like outcast, means u have epic partner, and whatnot. but i do think to reach the fantasy stage all parties involved will likely have a lot of differences to navigate.

communication is likely different to the expected kind of humans. a lot of emotional pains or repressed feelings may all rush to the surface. there may be past trauma and tension if the human and monster started off as enemies before they end up together.

they probably may also take a long time to open up especially if they are used to being a complex or even commonly isolated creature in certain ways. and the behaviours arent always gonna be cute or "aww my monster loves me" 😭 and there may also be caveats with touch- could a single claw rip you in two? how will you both navigate touch together and negotiate it?

and what about your own limits? you deserve to feel okay and safe. how will you navigate that in a climate where the monster may be hurting a lot. if the monster got a lot of emotions that burst out (sometimes in painful ways) you must prioritise your health as well. and when they open up, they may not proceed as expected. would u be ok with changing expectations or playing things by ear. would you be ok sharing what u need too even if you feel bad for the monster?

because no matter how tragic the monster's story is, you must be safe and content in the relationship too. its not just monster's need that are important- so are yours.

and depending on the kind of monster the way they express themselves and their feelings will vary a lot. is it through shared dreams? touch? word? duty? or something a human may not understand at first? what would be both parties' general understanding of things?

MY 1 AM THOUGHTS ON THIS DAY

its not impossible but after these thoughts i realised depending on the monster its a definite commitment to reaching a stable point if in a relationship with one. 🤣 not me over thinking again. dw most monster romances arent this overthought or overwrought with the farçe of realism.

whatever lol i think regular human relations can be this complex as well

[enrapture]

I know ur bi & since ur single whats ur type in men specifically?

I'll make a list! but go in depth. sorry this is a lil long.

-I struggle w/ certain things like adhd, anxiety and trauma so they gotta understand that and accept that and if they still like me afterwards then there ya go lol

-I like depth, fuck the small talk. be different. for ex: lets talk paranormal stories.

-if you’re too distant I’m uninterested lmao

-someone who takes care of themselves. (eats their veggies/a decent amount right, their vitamins, drinks water, works out kinda is just generally in shape. etc)

-men that don't make fun of my likes/hobbies/special interests but try to understand them whether they dislike them or not maybe do research/ get into them bc they know i like them and like seeing me happy.or at least make the effort to hear me boast about them idk fuck. just general understanding would be fuckin cool.

-effort effort effort that shit is fucking sexy as shit to me.

-don't waste my time and i won't waste yours. Be direct with that you want.

-compliment meeeee, I like someone protective. If we can be weirdos together then that’s a match.

-when their words MATCH their actions.

-I'm expecting / used to people treating me like shit. surprise me and be a GOOD PERSON to me in my life lmfao.

-good at communication and know how to healthy communicate their thoughts and feelings, wants and needs no matter how difficult

-men who don't fucking lie. worst thing you could ever do to me is lie, make fun of my interests, talk shit about me, be toxic and manipulate me and use me among gaslight me etc etc. 100pts. I'm very selective with who I let into my life, I have trust issues due to trusting the wrong people and got burned for it many times. scarcity is value. Don't make me regret my decision. men who don't hurt my feelings!!!

-men who like me for more than just my body. who like my personality and shit so much more. 1000pts

-i don't like clingy but i also like the healthy amount of quality time spent together so. I don't need to talk 24/7 i guess but we do gotta see one another a few times or make lil dates or something in order for it to work. it can't be constant to nothing at all. healthy balance???

-I avoid fuckboys like the plague but i can't help but fall (emos, musicians, skaters, skinny, fit, nerds, the funny weirdos LOL. that sorta vibe. etc)

-men who are genuine. gentle. yet aggressive (when its the right time to be) who care about me, support me (call me out on my shit if its not healthy or if im just misinformed and will KINDLY inform me and help me understand/enlighten my way of thinking. Intelligence is soooo incredibly attractive to me, if you can teach me something in some form Its 50pts in my book.

-men who send me stuff like "this reminded me of you, I know youd like this" etc who get my sense of humor and make me laugh. Who try to cheer me up if I'm sad. Men who are open minded, loving, sweet, mean well. caring mmmm

-men who realize mistakes happen and that growing is a process, healing isnt linear as I would with them. Growing out of unhealthy habits and changing for the better:) there is always room for growth.

-if you tease me / are playful / bully me kinda I'll probably end up crushing on you. I like me that are smooth talkers.

-connection is cool, men who have similar hobbies or interests (I like anime, cinephile, video games, reading, art, concerts, exploring, hiking, camping, writing sometimes, music, content creating sometimes, social media stuffs, baking once in a while, photography...) etc. you dont have to have the same exact interests I would prefer you to have your own set to show me that would be cool. but I do like having interests to bond over specifically though lol.

-i guess for an example of men (their body types / personalities) I like are: timothee chalamet, awsten knight, ryan gosling. (abs, arms, hands, eyes, mouths) hnnnnnng everything so sexy FUCK.

-I like men who arent egotistical dickheads. confidence is nice, but if you think you're the shit and are entirely full of yourself youre absolutely disgusting.

-men who are respectful, hold the door, arent afraid to call / video chat. upfront and straight forward, who don't play mind games. direct. sometimes buy me gifts or surprise me with them (I've never had anyone do that. my last relationship they only cared about trips.) nothing wrong with that I liked the trips we went on but i like feeling appreciated idk physical shit is nice too. call me shallow. I like gift giving/ receiving. I do like going on trips but we hardly went on any lol. living is expensive.

-idc how you dress, what you do with your body. don't tell me what i should be doing with mine.

-be my best friend first I don't like rushing. get to know me as i will you slowly over time. lets take our time and feel it out. Who knows it may not be what we want later on. some people like jumping into something immediate. I have to write it out lmfao. that i do not want that or am looking for that. idc if we have "history" or not.

-everyone has things deemed as red flags, struggles, issues, immaturities etc. Lets not be assholes and judgmental pussies. but lets understand and try to grow past them and become healthier better versions of ourselves after all our inner child would want that. change is necessary don't stick to negative habits. be fluid.

phew, I think thats all I can think of at the top of my head atm.

[mossterunderthebed]

oho. ohohoho. now to make it goyuu... i need a knight au

ooh what if they're from different kingdoms. and yuuji is the king's only remaining relative so he is unfortunately the Heir. and was dragged to the palace after his uncle found where his father had taken his grandson away from the palace to live out his days in ignominity because he was once a great general but his son sukuna who was greater even than him instigated a violent takeover and disposed of half the previous nobility

and hes a tyrant but a lot of the commoners love him because to be fair his actual policies arent too bad just bloody as fork and super strict and hes big into conquest which hey makes money and brings their country glory so it works.

enter gojo.

emperor of neighboring empire thats not technically much bigger in terms of land mass but has way more people (this has advantages and disadvantages). and yuuji has risen to the rank of general and is known as the tiger of the west which he thinks is embarrassing. and he hates that that's what the people know about him and what they like about him because he wants to be a good ruler. but he doesnt know how only he doesnt think it should be like sukuna rules

and then gojo who ofc would lead his own armies so he and yuuji end up clashing in an unexpected place. and gojo uses guerilla/ambush tactics they werent expecting bc they thought they had the advantage of numbers and yuuji is captured.

and he expects to be tortured and stuff but this gojo guy is actually... really nice? and insanely smart? and really funny too? and pretty handsome too wow ok. and then they kind of end up becoming friends?? and yuuji confides that he doesnt know how to rule well but he really admires gojo whos so smart and has gathered such good people to him (unlike many people who have critisised him as being honourless because of his tactics but its because he and yuuji both understand the value of a life as opposed to expectations of 'character' which is actually just a load of crap the nobles to make themselves sound/look good)

and yea i dont know things snowball and in the end they have a long-lasting long distance love affair until gojo's heir (yuuta) comes of age. bc surprise surprise gojo never wanted to rule esp not after the betrayal of his closest advisor and best friend in his youth. and finally he goes to live w yuuji who disposed of his own uncle in a very moving morally heart-clenching scene

and they live happily ever after and travel back and forth a lot and every time gojo visits his home he acts outrageously but hes still always just as intimidating as ever and even in his late forties h makes a soldier who spoke out of turn piss himself in a public spar.

and he and yuuji are insufferably chaotic and loving until they die and are buried side by side on the land yuuji rehabilitated (his childhood home w his grandfather that was wrecked by sukuna) and they plant little yellow and blue wildflowers over the graves and years in the future the two crossbreed and spawn a lovely little new breed of flower that symbolizes the powerful kind of love that would wait for years and years. a patient kind of love.

and centuries later records are found of them and the graves are unearthed and little artifacts are found and their letters and etc etc etc and their love story becomes known as one of the greatest of all time and stories and plays and poetry are written about it and their letters are translated and published and are turned into a saying 'i would write you a thousand letters' which basically means 'i would love you with dedication through great obstacles and hardship' or more simply, 'i will love you even when its hard.'

and yeap thats the that.

Bonus: at the very very very end theres a little cutscene of their reincarnations meeting for the first time after accidentally bumping into each other and gojo drops something so yuuji kneels and offers it to him and for a second they both get mad deja vu and just stop and stare at each other like they're the most beaufiful thing the other has seen and for that moment rest of the world doesnt exist

*holds back tears* and then they fall in love and get married and adopt some cats and maybe a kid and live in a cozy apartment and stay together for a whole 'nother lifetime and retire to the Sendai countryside and tend to a garden full of Their Flowers which they find out on the second date are both of their favorites for a reason neither of them can quite describe and ughhhhhhhhhhhh

sorry i got emotional. ok bye.

horniest battle moments:

- taking your ally's weapon out of their scabard to use yourself

- using someone else's shoulder as a rifle stand

- nudging someone's chin up with the tip of your weapon

- freezing with your blades against one another's throats, breathing into each other's mouths

[castlebyersafterdark]

re the we live in a time quote. I feel like that’s a made up pr angle to sell the film...

perhaps! although seeing as its a british film, just like european or arthouse directors have very different sets to hollywood, i think things may be different. its a lot more low key. and if you have a small crew and a sequestered, intimate shoot, then sure, i think actors could get to that place. depends on the atmosphere fostered. i think metoo has had powerful shockwaves politically, but you'd be surprised how much hasnt actually changed beneath the greenwashing, to use a phrase incorrectly. well, garfield did say he was constantly checking in with pugh and they got to a place of comfort. personally i love that story and hope its true, not because its sexy or even funny, but because it speaks of freedom in artistry and that yes, its still possible to blur boundaries and take risks in art, even though a loud group online expect art to be made a certain way now, ways approved by the rulebook (often people who arent even artists or performers themselves so dont have personal experience of what it means to make art). i like the idea that we can do risky things that result in joy and great art, that doesnt always end in trauma for actors or women feeling harassed. it seems like just the kind of awkward thing that absolutely could happen. the intimacy co-ord whereabouts wasnt mentioned during the anecdote itself so perhaps they were in the other room with the director.

i sound very defensive but i really love these personal stories where awkward things happen when making art, because honestly, stringent rules as a result of safeguarding and metoo etc sometimes do have a sad side effect, which is art itself becoming sanitized or losing some zeal. its a tricky subject though, so most people err on the side of following rules, but i think many artists and performers would agree that losing yourself is when the magic happens. its just that we mainly hear about the bad things that happen, cos bad news sells.

Thank you for the alternate perspective. This is more in line with how I thought things worked - at least, on a lot of the types of things I tend to watch. Genre and actors and directors and rating and just... vibe of the set all are going to play into it.

It's important to recognize art for the sake of making art. I think the reason a lot of people engage with the creative arts, whether that's writing or acting or painting or songwriting, etc etc - a lot are looking to transform something or express vulnerability or just create. And film, there's gotta be space for experimentation and expression. It can't be all bad, doom and gloom and harassment. There's a lot of beauty and a lot of (safe, consensual) weirdness. Good weirdness. Artistry and taking risks, absolutely.

Again, thank you for the additional insight and thoughts. Always worthwhile to explore different perspectives.

Losing yourself is definitely where the magic happens. It's just fanfiction, but remove the just. Art. It has been vulnerability and losing yourself. I've found that to be true as I've practiced and experimented and created in this fandom the past few months...

[mosesdumpin]

It's kinda disheartening at times, although it definitely feels like... a stupid gripe to have. As much as I try, its not always easy to take situations (scenarios? cultural pivot points? whatever) without directly comparing it to situations that are not as personally relevant but obviously facing a more severe version or more pressing negatives.

Without sitting down to think about it too much (again, not the point of this musing) an easy comparison would be how dark your skin is allowed to be while also being a western sex symbol (this even... horrifyingly... translates to the global south and east asia) along with the elevation of "white" features vs the more representative features in a cultural/ethnic group.

The above is obviously a more damaging and wide reaching problem than the one I am presenting here, but since I am quite white and skirting on mostly scots-irish features in a german/ashkenazim body type, the above issue only indirectly chafes my experiences.

I know that overall personal hygiene is almost universally (source: I am so horny for a counter example tbh) considered a desirable physical trait, with exceptions tending to be for CONTEXT around why someone isn't appearing hygienic. That isn't really what the gripe is about (I am not going to say "white men should be allowed to be sloppy and also expect immediate physical validation" lol)

Its just... tbh most white men I have consistently hung around were not someone who could be posted on twitter to hunt for a mob of sweaty gifs. I nearly called them "ugly," quotations and all, there but fucking hell, they arent. And I don't mean their personality made them more attractive, or even the nebulous "how they carry" themselves. I mean like... physically they were interesting, distinct, and attractive.

For example, the first guy that comes to mind was the incredibly skinny and average heighted kid I was close with in the later years of high school. When I say skinny, I don't mean slim. I mean skeletal, even though he wasn't unhealthy or anything. His skin was worn tight around his features, his muscles more function over flash, his movements highlighted by features that seemed longer by the visible joints and bone.

He had large eyes, but they weren't bulging. A crooked hairline, and even in those young years his crown was thinning. The classic thin white boy lips, and angular features. We were all awkward, but his stumbling coming-of-age screamed eternal. He didn't have the height that other boys with similar body types could lean on, and wasn't inclined to strenuous physical activity like sports or weight lifting (not lazy, mind you)

I remember him, along with a surprisingly diverse group of friends he and I belonged to, because he felt the anger and despair that comes with thinking you just simply weren't born the right way to get the kind of love you deserve. It manifested exactly how a funny jokester on twitter might lay out - a bitterness towards women and more physically acceptable men that stretched far outside what was reasonable without tracing the problem any further than that.

Now me. I am strikingly average. Not in the "all white men look the same" kind of way, but in a bell curve kind of way. I was average weight, average height, average face shape, etc. Looking at my individual features might paint a more novel picture but somehow putting them all together gives me god damn chameleon powers. I will note that these judgements come from YEARS of self-assessment both internally and with external validation, and is not meant to be self-deprecation NOR am I implying that this is the conclusion people will always make when they look at me.

My point is actually that people have yet to be compelled to look at me without some non-physical stimulus. With adjustments and realizations, this suits me quite well tbh. I will never be eye-grabbing, but I can play any social role a white man can play with just a little prep time, and I've had to work on who I am internally in order to be remembered.

I bring up my friend and myself because I considered us both in the same boat, when I know he did not. I was just close enough to the general acceptance of physical attractiveness to not be a problem, but far enough away to make him feel isolated. That he was the only "ugly" one in the room.

I will skip some of the obvious problematic lessons this boy had to learn. You can probably guess some of them. These days, however, he wears his hair wavy-messy in a way that doesn't cover up his bald spot since it seems to just affect his crown, but changes it from a problem to a quirk. He is still skinny, and pale (did I mention that?) and frankly doesn't really look much different to me after all these years besides the hair. HOWEVER, the awkwardness that prophesized to be eternal did leave him at some point, and now when he moves all the tight skin and telltale bones and joints seem intentional. He moves his arms, hands and fingers deliberately and slowly but most of all, he moves them at the same time. It generates a grace that doesn't come from your typical sources of agility like sports, yoga, dancing, etc. He simply accepted his body in a very subtle and (to me) impressive way.

this isn't going to be a "he loved himself for who he was" story.

He aged a bit, got some laugh lines and forehead creases. His pronounced skull is now defined as sharp and handsome. Of course, he didn't physically change. He adapted and adjusted. How he got there from the MRA-incel adjacent angsty 19 year old I left him to be is a mystery, but he isn't far off from my own personal ideological vagary of egalitarian compassion. Its not something it happens often and knowing him and feeling the same bitterness its hard... sometimes... to remember that what awful man he COULD have been is the unexpected abberant... and not a reasonable response from a kid that was stoked through progressive lefts calling every bad person ugly or creepy on twitter as a clapback or being told he has to earn love, somehow, through means that are a mystery to him from some chode who clearly landed upper management at their father's lawfirm with the Chris Hemsworth face.

Obviously the less-than-ideal white men aren't destined for the worst outcome, and its not what I'd call an excuse since clearly there is a path out. I will eat my PC if that path was exclusively internal and without some kind of validation though, and with how we treat people... why be surprised? You helped make this hell casserole. Stop putting shit in the casserole.