#them on a her bike aaaaaaa

[azumasoroshi]

suzume no tojimari spoilers ! hi guys im Insane

literature analysis brain is going haywire so here’s a bunch of incoherent ramblings some themes motifs and symbolism i love in this movie because AAAAAAA

Love and Sacrifice.

Obviously, but like the different kinds of love and devotion and how they’re never perfect and sometimes self-destructive but they’re so powerful and just waughhh. It was so important to me how after exploding at her Tamaki (suzume’s aunt, ik im not the only one who forgets names) was like “you know I don’t feel that way all the time, right?” like not denying that yes, she has felt exhausted of taking care of Suzume and sometimes wished she didn’t have to take care of her, trying to be the parental figure she needs while also trying to not encroach on her sister’s memory. It means so much to me that she didn’t deny those feelings but instead told Suzume that it’s not how she always feels, because loving someone means sacrifice and ewughghgghfgfh im not putting this into words well but htrggfhgf.

and ALSO the reciprocation of kindness with daijin - as thanks for the taste of freedom at last, and wanting to be with someone whom you love but not really comprehending that what they want (that “suzume doesn’t love me” killed me) and how by the end daijin helped her pull souta out and sacrificed himself for suzume because he really loved her ggrgfggfhfnfnch

And just. everyday love. This is kind of a mix of themes and motifs but every time we flashed back to the memories of whatever abandoned place they were in - the simple “good morning”s and “be back soon” and “it’s so hot”s made me choke up. the mundane love of Chika and Suzume in their newly found friendship, Rumi’s kindness in picking Suzume up off the street and her love for her children, Serizawa’s platonic love for Souta letting him drive these two crazy women with crazy beef for 7 hours across Japan, there’s just so much expression of love and the hardships people go through because of it and rhgrjgrjhgdhgjhb

Mourning and Closure.

Makoto Shinkai himseld said that he wanted to write a story about “mourning deserted places” (at least according to Wikipedia) so this one is all but textual but like yeah. the motif of opening/closing/locking doors and locking the bike and things like that? AaAAaAaa

To close the gates, you need to imagine the emotions of people who once lived there - i can only imagine what Souta was thinking in the abandoned bathhouse area, but hrhggejghw the school and the amusement park and the shots we got of normal life in tokyo before the worm revealed itself in the climax, it just. really speaks to the beauty of everyday life. im a sucker for that kind of stuff as both a psychology major and just a weird person who thinks “man i wonder what happened to this person for the past 22 years of their life that led them to be here with me in this moment” whenever i pass someone in the grocery store. Hodaka could let japan be flooded in weathering with you because of his love for hina, but suzume’s whole arc was learning about the common people and living their lives and embracing all the kindness they had to offer to herself and others and it really hits that like. of course she can’t just let tokyo get destroyed to save Souta, every person in all of tokyo is just like Rumi and Chika and Serizawa and they’re all people who love and are loved. She finds herself in Souta’s place as one who stretches himself thin between being a gate closer and studying to be a teacher because he loves life as well, and-

oops i forgot i was talking about mourning and closure

anyway the doors keep getting reopened because the grief never fully goes away and the worm of “calamity” is letting yourself be consumed by the grief and destroying the people around you and not being able to move on, and it comes from the Ever-after becomes ever-after is a place where time doesn’t exist and you wish you could be there forever because it’s where you can relive the events of your past, it’s where you can live in denial that time moves forward and you have to move with it, it’s where Suzume goes after her mother dies because she wants people to stop giving her condolences and just give her her mom back. “Ever-after” in itself is a “happily ever after” - a place where mortals aren’t meant to go, no matter how beautiful it looks. Souta goes there too because he is the catalyst Suzume needs to go back and face Ever-after - and it’s no longer beautiful, but it’s torn apart by grief and everything is in flames. The idea of a keystone as well, locking the memories and hurt away, is one that Suzume removes to relive her memories and puts back in place when she’s ready to move on. htrhgfhgfghfghf. she won’t let souta be the keystone because she refuses to move on without him.

Also both Souta and his grandfather tell Suzume to just forget everything she’s seen, but it’s too late for that because connections aren’t so easily forgotten. Even when Tamaki couldn’t remember telling Suzume she’d be her new mother, that doesn’t change that she cared for her for the next 12 years anyway. Suzume visits Chika and Rumi by the end, and obviously she’s never forgotten her mother, both because her chair was still in her room by the start of the movie and because she looks like her by the end. Even though relationships change, they’re never forgotten in the movie, and I think that’s beautiful, really.

(also cool detail: 12 years ago is when the tsunami that killed suzume’s mother struck. the movie came out in 2023, and the touhoku earthquake/tsunami that inspired this film was in 2011. nice)

Reality vs Fantasy

The scenes where Suzume goes out into public again following stopping the worm from destroying Tokyo were especially poignant to me. This girl’s been going on a fantastical adventure with her talking chair and talking cat, meeting nice people and making friends, excited at the idea that she’s doing something important, but after Souta’s gone she shuts down. Her feet are bloodied, her clothes are destroyed, and people keep giving her strange looks and calling her homeless because she may have stopped the worm but even without being consumed by grief, it still isn’t pretty or picturesque. Standing out in Japanese society is discouraged, as most of us are well aware, but she’s been doing nothing but that with all the running around and talking to chairs and flying through the sky she’s been doing. Without a concrete goal in mind, without Souta as company, she’s alone in the world of adulthood and has no one to tell her what she should do, no Souta to guide her through Tokyo. And without that confidence or charm, people don’t come to her aid like they did before. It’s only once she finds her resolve to save Souta, quite literally walking in his shoes/footsteps, that the next helpful stranger (Serizawa) comes in.

She could imagine those abandoned places as alive, but the truth is that they were abandoned and will stay that way - none of them miraculously revived by the end, unless something happened in the credits that I couldn’t see through all my tears. Reality will not bring those places back, but what really matters is how we carry the memories of those places with us? I think. man maybe it’d be easier to write this post if i had actually seen the end credits

this post is really fucking long so im calling it here 😭 makoto shinkai has done it again. goddammit

[dreamwritesimagines]

Here I am, preparing myself for day 7 of Halloween and instead of thinking about today’s costume of choice, I give you entirely random filler HC:

Theo calls Sunshine for his nightly talk, and she’s like “bean, I’m sorry, I can’t stay on long, my phone is dying and the power went out.”

She’s been freaking because her battery is at like 20%, she walked in from work and it went dark in the middle of her shower, and to top it off, Julie borrowed her car and is out somewhere and Jamie and Nik are on vacation so she’s trying to get a hold of any of them just to be like “can I break into your house I’m freezing?”

Theo is bereft, his mother is going to freeze to death and here he is miles away from being able to cuddle her and keep each other warm; cue him RUNNING down every hall, finding Logan chilling doing whatever before he goes to hijack inspect Theo’s hall because he knows it’s about that time (that the love of his life calls her son and he gets to just hallucinate that he’s not an absolute coward who hasn’t asked her out yet). Theo comes in, full hysterics about “Mr. Logan, my mom doesn’t have power and she’s gonna have to hang up soon and then she’s gonna die alone in the cold.” While poor sunshine is having a fucking aneurysm on the other end.

“Bean, sweetie, it’s okay. No, don’t bother anyone I’m figuring it out, I will be fine, it’s not the first time I’ve had a power outage, please don’t tell-”

“Princess?”

“… oh. Oh hi, Logan.”

“Pack a bag, I’ll be there in 20.” And just hands the phone back to Theo, not an argument to be had as now he has to get his truck to rescue her because he’ll be fine on the bike, but she’ll just turn to a sunpop.

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD HC AAAAAAA IT'S AMAZIIIING! 😱❤️

Aw poor Sunshine, she would be trying to sound like everything is totally fine 🥺

Theo is bereft, his mother is going to freeze to death THEO SWEETHEART-

Logan chilling doing whatever before he goes to hijack inspect Theo’s hall because he knows it���s about that time (that the love of his life calls her son and he gets to just hallucinate that he’s not an absolute coward who hasn’t asked her out yet). Yet being the key word😏 He would definitely be like, "Yeah this is very similar to when we have a cabin in the woods with her and she's putting Theo to sleep" and like SIR YOU HAVEN'T ASKED HER OUT😂

And I cannot stop laughing at;

“Mr. Logan, my mom doesn’t have power and she’s gonna have to hang up soon and then she’s gonna die alone in the cold.”

Theo 🤝 Me

Our train of thoughts turning into a rollercoaster of paranoia when something goes slightly bad

I CAN JUST SEE SUNSHINE'S EXPRESSION ON THE OTHER LINE AS SHE HEARS THAT-

Logan to the rescue it's so romantiiiiic! ❤️

he’ll be fine on the bike, but she’ll just turn to a sunpop. Adsfghjkl😂

He will totally pick her up, and Sunshine would be like,

"You really didn't have to do this."

"Don't mention it."

"It's just that Nik and Jamie are on vacation, normally I would've stayed over at their place or Julie's but Julie is busy and- wait, where are we going?"

"To the institute."

"Is there an empty room there?"

"It's a huge mansion, I'm sure we can find one. Or you can stay in my room."

"...Huh?"

"While I-uh, while I'm staying somewhere else obviously."

"Oh. Oh right, yeah because I didn't assume- I wouldn't assume anything like that."

[dangermousie]

And, the end! I love that in the final sequence(s), it's the first time in the entire drama we see spring. Because the characters have escaped the dreary cold long winter of their lives, and can start on growth and happiness and life.

And I love the theme of the bell (like before she's at the cafe, we see him ride by on a bike and the bell jingles on his wrist) and the bell here again - the start of their reunion.

I love how blurry everything looks because it reflects her vision - she got it back but it's not perfect, she doesn't see that well. But she sees enough. But also, this convo where he mentions he loved a woman who was blind, she says it must have been uncomfortable to love a blind person and his response.

This cracks me up SO MUCHHHHH (because he still doesn't know if she can see at all.)

You got your priorities right, girl!

And then we get the whole convo about her chemo being done and when she found out where he was and all that and how she heard his bell and thought it was familiar blah blah and why he didn't meet her right away but under all the mundane talk, there is just so much hope. And the way he was so charmingly unsure of himself...

Hehehehehe

It so echoes back their earlier convos about how maybe if he lived right, he could meet her again for a new start, with a clean conscience or that if they met again she wanted to ask him so many things. Their wishes came true.

The way they are just blissfully unburdened and happy and free to be together and to love and aaaaaaa

Spring has finally come for them.

I have seen people complain about the ending in terms of logistics. Like how did the mobster give up on wanting to murder him, how did he survive the stabbing on the roof, what exactly happened in the 6 months etc etc but I think what those questions don't really take into account is two things:

This was made in 2013 but in a lot of ways it's a very old school kdrama even for back then and kdramas used to love endings that didn't really explain how we got to a happy ending, we just did, because what they cared about was not the plot but the emotional mood and they wanted angst with a happy ending and so that's what we'd get. Think something like Lobbyist - how did Harry survive and pop up at the end to live happily ever after with Maria? Who the hell knows, who the hell cares, he did. Dramas still do this when it comes to people falling off cliffs anyway.

Tied to (1) but even more important - this is not a plot driven narrative. Like all of NHK dramas, it is a mood and character piece and any plot is there only as a set up to explore the characters and their dynamics. We need Oh Soo to be wrongly in mob debt so he'd have a reason to go after FL but also be a good guy. It's like Young's tumor - we need it to come back to up the stakes but we don't want her to die nor do we have any interest in medical intricacies, we just care how it affects the relationship. So she never cared about the details of how Oh Soo was gonna resolve the mobster issue in terms of logistics - he needed to be in debt to set up the story, he needed to refuse to take her money to show his love, and he needed to ultimately almost die but survive to complete his suffering and transformation arc. We could have had five-ten more minutes where the cops bust the mob boss right after the rooftop and Oh Soo gets taken to the hospital and survives and then finds a new job as a chef blah blah but it wasn't anything NHK was interested in because it's plot not character. She is interested in exploring loneliness and trauma and love as salvation and limitations of one's body (and I think she is also interested in blindness or threat of it as how it affects your world- Young here and Hyun Bin's character in Worlds Within -because she likes to write about characters in situations of limits of their body and suffering and dealing with it.) She is about characters and emotions, not plot. I can see if it doesn't work for others but as someone who cares about emotional logic not plot logic, it's perfect for me.

[kroosluvr]

persona (royal trio) tennis au. SAVE ME

- goro sumire and akira sometimes detest it whne the other 2 watch their matches. so they have a little hand signal thjng which is basically “fuck off for half an hour and see if i’m winning. if i don’t give u the signal again then stay”

- sumire takes notes of point scores and unforced errors and double faults when she watches goro and akira. which is partly why it’s a lot of pressure on them when their opponents r tough LMFOAKDJSJSJ she can’t help it tho she just is Like that

- in an almost comical sense, they absolutely refuse to date each other even tho it’s obvious to everyone and their mother that they rlly like each other. goro says “i don’t have time for such pointless things” akira says “well i dunno, i mean what we got going right now is pretty good already” sumire says “oh no i could never, i’d feel bad since i dedicate so much time to tennis” as if 1) goro doesn’t spend every waking moment w them already 2) akira… then aren’t you already dating 3) they’re both insane tennis players too you’re all in the same boat sumire. everyone thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous but also admirably endearing. it’s just so Them. they’ll figure it out one day

- goro likes indoor gym and exercises i.e running on the treadmill and weights and etc while akira much prefers outdoor exercises like hiking, biking, swimming, rock climbing… basically anything like that. “it’s more exciting! and you get fresh air and the lovely outdoors. isn’t it boring seeing only gray-on-gray weights and gym and then tennis courts all the time?” “no” “well like it or not i signed you up for my next triathlon” “HUH?”

- sumire doesn’t rlly have a preference! she likes doing runs around the city though

- in this au sumi and kasumi have a sort of . complex relationship. sumire’s inferiority complex combined with intense competitive spirit means she feels really conflicted all the time in regards to her sister’s support. kasumi doesn’t rlly go to sumire’s matches a lot (mostly due to her own gymnastics schedule, understandable) but also sumire feels a weird pressure to perform whne kasumi is there. to prove “see, i carved my own path. this is my passion, my power lies here, just like with your gymnastics.” and if she loses, then wouldn’t that just be cementing her second place? so sumire has to win.

- in this au royal trio r the closest w each other and as for the thieves, not really. the thieves all know of the royal trio since wow they sure carry shujin’s reputation on their backs, somehow making shujin an almost world renown name (soon enough)! i’d say mishima is a huge fan of akira of course, and he dreams of being a sports reporter, so he always writes articles on the royal trio and faithfully follows their tourney schedules and the like.

- ok i’m sleepy aaaaaaA Goodnight. hehe

[malcolm-reeds-pineapple]

Blorbo From My Shows Wrapped 2023

And rating them on a scale from 1 to 10

Nathan MacKinnon: listen okay he comes around every year around hockey season. This year I’ve gone especially deranged for him and made a fucking top loader for one of my hockey cards of him. He mostly gets points for being Nova Scotian and also looking like he has sustained multiple blows to the head. He is also incredibly fucking shaped. Anyway solid 7/10 - loses points because he’s been stripped of all personality by the NHL in order to be more advertiser-friendly

Vinsmoke Sanji: alright okay I’m a fake fan because I’ve only seen the live action but sweet Christ I want this white man. From the moment this absolute womanizing jackass graced my screen I have been in love with him. He makes me giggle and kick my feet like a middle schooler at a sleepover. He truly is Blorbo From My Shows in the best possible way. 10/10 I think this man is so hot.

John Sheppard: I started watching Atlantis recently and I kind of thought I was gonna hate it because no Daniel and Daniel had been my primary brain rot since I was 9 but John won me over. I love his sense of humour and his relationship with McKay (aaaaaaa Canada Mentioned!!!!) but I also find his insubordination extremely hot like yes babe!!! Disregard your orders to commit intergalactic war crimes!!!! Also I love that we get Sheppard Scruff a lot because believe me that instantly casts a hex on me to lose all thoughts!!!! Foaming at the mouth for him!!! Anyway 8/10 - loses points for being a pilot bc my dad was on the ground crew and my genetic memory is telling me that all pilots are bastards

Tony Markovich (that fucking cop from shameless): listen okay hear me out hear me out……………….. alright I got nothing, I can’t even defend this one. First of all, I’ve only seen the show through tiktok highlights. Second bbg this man is a cop what’s wrong with you??? He mostly gets points for looking like a handsome young man who my mom would love if I brought him home. Like Tony just looks sooooo boyfriend shaped to me?? Like if I brought him home and he told my mom that he volunteers coaching basketball and that he likes to spend his off time cooking with his mom, my mom would literally bawl her eyes out because I’ve brought home the man she’s always envisioned for me. 6/10 - loses points for being a cop and also being too fucking vanilla to even think that his handcuffs could possibly be used for sex.

Ray Stantz: alright so he’s also the type that I would 100% bring home to my mom but unlike Tony, I respect his career. This guy is soooooooooooo husband shaped like he looks like the kind of guy who mows his lawn on a Sunday before the kids wake up so he can teach them how to ride a bike as soon as they finish breakfast. He’s also just so sweet and cuddly in canon and I want him to infodump about all his interests at me. I also like that his so squishy and I just wanna be the one who helps him get the ectoplasm out of his hair while he tells me about poltergeists and stuff. 10/10 - he’s so husband shaped he loses points for NOTHING because he’s EXACTLY the kind of man I want

Daniel Jackson: listen okay we all knew this was coming I don’t even need to say anything. I know this man has not only been living in my head rent free but he also lives in yours because you follow me and you have 0 choice in the matter. I’m not elaborating just go thru #yeet me into the void on my blog and you’ll get it. 15/10 he’s the fucking blueprint.

Jack Ransom: i apparently cannot exist without a white man from Star Trek bouncing around my skull so Ransom makes this list. I love blonde himbos and like the thing is that I know he’d call me a fucking slur but like his superiority complex does something to me idfk I should send this post to my therapist because evidently I need fucking help. 8/10 - loses points for being a cartoon, gains points for his obvious brat taming kink.

Anyway thanks for coming to the annual Blorbo From My Shows Wrapped: a post that if it got forwarded to anyone in my family I’d simply fake my death and disappear. However, my tumblr followers are my priest and this blog is my confessional.

[aettuddae]

AAAAAAA OMG i was still typing but accidentally press enter anyways continuing with my why daerina #exhibit 3: CHAPTER 42 OMG! LIKE WDYM WHEN DAEIN LOOKS FOR KARINA WHEN SHE FEELS SAD. like alright she called someone she likes the least because everyone hates (no not rly) her but like AAAAAA its the fact that daein tells karina about her problems/whats on her mind. like literally no one can convince me that daein actually hates karina #exhibit 4: "is that my hoodie?" hesitated daein from behind inspecting her. "that's my hoodie." she confirmed to herself. LIKE DAEIN DIDNT ASK KARINA TO STOP WEARING IT!!! #exhibit 5: "yes, in one of our first chats." whenever daein spoke, she did so without any emotion.

"and you remember?"

"why wouldn't i?" she disregarded. ALSO THIS??? like maybe it doesnt mean much but oh my days SHE REMEMBERED smtg said ages ago while not liking rina?? like why would you remember something insignificant (not that its insignificant but smtg that shouldnt matter to you) about someone you DONT like. maybe im just being a crazy delusional person overanalyzing every single interaction of daerina because we barely get any where they are at peace with each other. but well i gotta do what i need to do :D also couldve made my life sm easier by uploading all the screenshots i have when i squeal but i rather stay anonymous for now

(here's first two exhibits)

ANON !!!! i can't believe you put into parts all the daerina proofs, it feels like a written version of those larry stylinson moments videos and i'm honestly eating it up

about exhibit #1 and #2 i may add that when hiro got lost and karina asked serim for help, she didn't even hesitate. she may care for hiro only, but still, she got her bike and drove karina around so she could find him 🤓☝🏼

exhibit #3 stronger daerina moment, i mean she did ignore and neglect her after but that's just how daein is 😭 but it's truth tho that daein opens up a lot with karina.

exhibit #4 I WAS HOPING ONE DAY SOMEONE MAY NOTICE THIS MOMENT OH MY GOD, probably my favorite daerina moment (i'm not daerina or daejeong team, i'm just the writer, but i have my moments of both that i'm excited about and this is one). i literally love when people shares clothes, i think i have added it in all my stories til this point, and i find it cute that karina just acts as if they're friends and takes her hoodie 😭

exhibit #5 not even karina could believe serim remembered about her playing piano, that was a particular moment that shook us all. she pays a little attention to her 😔

daerina is a chaotic duo, when they're not fighting they're trying to solve some sort of huge problem, so it's true that there isn't many calm moments, but these are all so cute and i can't believe you take screenshots of them 😭 these make sense, love that you put it in order, i myself squealed too and i'm the author lol

now someone needs to do the daejeong version we can't let this war die down

[ackerfics]

we've established that levi would be a great father via tpt but wb eren as a dad?

ooooh eren as a dad is a fun experience for his kids. i imagine him not being that strict but when certain situation arises (his kid being called in the principal's office or caught fighting with you, their mom), eren will not hesitate to put his foot down. the one thing he wants is for his child to respect you the most and if he hears so much as an argument brewing at home between you and your kid, eren will change his playful demeanor. he's the type of parent who while cooking, will sneakily give his kid some portion of what he cooks before the actual meal (no matter the age of his child) 😭 you'd always look at him disapprovingly but he brushes it off with a laugh and a sweet kiss on the lips. (my dad actually does this every time he cooks and it's so much like eren dnkwns)

if he has a son, expect to see them coming home from bike practice all dirty because eren fell down more than his son all to prevent the boy from falling. he'll never be rough with his son as much as the boy displays some of his attitude (like the recklessness), he'll still handle him with care just like how you dote on your boy. this will end up with your son as the most caring boy until he grows up to be a young adult (eren will often remark how your son seems like armin at this point ndkwns). if you bless him with a girl, he'll always call out "where are my favorite girls?" when coming home from work. will always encourages her to try the things that make her nervous (sports) — will even be her cheerleader in her sports meet, with you laughing beside him as he passionately shouts for your daughter's name in the stands.

aaaaaaa dad! eren makes me so soft sdndije i'm actually planning on making something for dad!eren, maybe it's a series, we may never know 🤩

[whumpmatsus]

Hi! 👋 Two things! First, a fic request (again Ichimatsu whump because I'm sorry but I have to): Ichimatsu takes a hit meant for one of his brothers (be it accidental or on purpose) and is pretty badly injured. Cue the rest of the Matsu Bros. to the rescue!

And second, um...would you be okay with it if, let's just say hypothetically, I made fan art of some of these fics? 😺

FIRST OF ALL thank you for this because it's LITERALLY the longest thing I've written on this blog so far!! so I hope u enjoy it fully uwu

Matsu Bros plus a cameo by Mama Matsu!! <3

second... YESSSS THAT IS ALWAYS DEFINITELY OKAY!!! aaaaaaa you flatter me <3 <3 <3

-

When Ichimatsu first wakes up in the hospital, he doesn’t remember why he’s here. Hell, he barely even remembers who he is.

All he really knows initially is that he’s in a lot of pain. It hurts to breathe, his face is kind of numb in spots, and his leg feels weirdly positioned, plus heavy and uncomfortable. His shoulder feels kind of sore… as does his wrist.

There’s also some strange fog drifting around his mind that’s making it difficult to really focus on anything.

He feels a hand in his own. Not very tight… he thinks it’s someone giving just enough pressure to let him know they’re here. That he’s not alone. That’s comforting, he thinks.

Then he starts to remember things.

He was out walking with some of the others; Karamatsu and maybe Totty? What they were doing is a little fuzzy and isn’t coming to him instantly. He just recalls they were together, walking on the sidewalk. They came to a crosswalk and waited their turn. Karamatsu, as the eldest out of the three, stepped forward first to cross.

Ichimatsu thinks Karamatsu’s intention was that he would hold Totty’s hand to keep the youngest safe while they crossed, and Ichimatsu could follow after them. He doesn’t believe Totty had any objections.

They waited. They followed all the rules they were supposed to. The crosswalk light told them they were allowed to go.

It was someone else who broke the rules, tearing through a stop sign, the car headed right for his brothers. He… thinks he remembers Totty had only just come forward to grab Karamatsu’s hand, so he wasn’t quite there yet. Karamatsu was the one in the most danger.

He doesn’t remember much else. Running forward, pushing his baby brother behind him and yelling for his big brother to move.Then an impact. A lot of pain. Black and nothingness and warmth.

Now he’s awake. Putting the pieces together, he’s pretty sure he shoved Karamatsu forward and ended up getting hit by that car.

He thinks, in his haze, that the car should have hit Karamatsu, because he was the one who went first, because things happened so fast. But he’s glad it didn’t happen that way.

A couple groans catch the attention of whoever’s in the room, and he gets a squeeze to the hand. “Ichimatsu? Honey? Are you awake?”

“Mmh…” It hurts a little to move his head. He does it anyway, getting a glimpse of his mother. “… Mom…?”

It looks like she’s smiling… relieved, maybe. “Yes! Yes, my sweet boy, Mama is here.” She reaches her free hand over to gently stroke his hair. It feels nice. “Thank goodness. How do you feel?”

He closes his eyes. “I hurt.”

“Well, I should hope so! I’d be worried if you weren’t in a lot of pain right now. Do you remember what happened?”

Although he tries to move around, it’s difficult simply because it’s so painful. “Uh, yeah, kind of… I got… hit by a car, right? ― H… hey… Karamatsu and Totty… where are they? Are they okay?”

“Yes, dear, they’re both fine. Karamatsu has a couple of scrapes, but nothing serious. You, on the other hand, are lucky, young man. You’ve got a broken leg, a couple of broken ribs, and a broken wrist. You did have a dislocated shoulder, but they got that back into place. The doctor said it could have been much worse. She said you got off easy compared to some people who get hit by a car.”

She combs his bangs back in a way that mitigates any anger or frustration in her next words. “What were you thinking?”

“The car was coming for Karamatsu…” He frowns as the memory surfaces again, in slightly better detail. Damn. “… And Totty didn’t see it… he was gonna step out, too…”

Everything seemed to happen so fast. How the hell did he manage to get his older brother out of the way and keep his younger brother out of the way when everything happened so fast?

Matsuyo sighs and continues stroking his hair. “Oh, I know… they were both in tears when we all arrived. Totty was inconsolable… saying that Karamatsu would be dead if you hadn’t run forward and that he thought you were dead because you weren’t responding. I should be mad that you scared your brothers… but…”

She leans forward to kiss his forehead. “… You did a brave thing, Ichimatsu. Mama is very proud of you. I just don’t like any of you boys hurt… if you’re inclined to do this again, pull the other person back instead of taking their place. You silly boy,” she adds with an affectionate smile.

“Hah…” he laughs weakly, wincing at the pain in his chest. “Sorry, Mom. Everything hurts… I wanna go home.”

“Mhm, they’ll probably let you go pretty soon now that you’re awake. That’s the main thing they were waiting for, I think.” She moves her hand down to pat lightly at his forearm.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be home before you know it, and your family will take good care of you.”

-

Coming home is kind of weird.

Ichimatsu can’t really walk on his own. Since his leg is broken, the doctor gave him a crutch that he can use with his good hand, but it’s an awkward movement and leaves him feeling unbalanced. It’s just easier to lean on one of his brothers to walk ― in this case, Choromatsu has volunteered to help if Ichimatsu needs to walk somewhere. Though… he gets the feeling that the others would be more than happy to volunteer if the third eldest were somehow busy when he needs to get up.

Every motion, from sitting up to reaching for things to just breathing, is painful thanks to the broken ribs. There’s nothing that can really be done for those, so he’s evidently got to just suffer. He remembers the doctor saying they should feel quite a bit better in a couple of weeks. Most of this is going to take a month or more to fully heal, which is… according to Osomatsu, a ‘major boner-killer’.

Sitting around doing nothing but being in pain is going to be the end of Ichimatsu. He’s sure of that. He can’t go outside to feed the cats, and it’s difficult to cuddle with them inside with all his injuries. That alone is pretty depressing.

The pain medication they sent him home with is also a little frustrating. The first time he takes it, it makes him so tired he sleeps right through dinner.

He falls asleep on the couch in the spare room, he knows, because it’s where he has to be set up for now. There’s noway he can sleep in the futon with everyone else while he tries to heal; that runs the risk of running into someone, or having one of his brothers accidentally run into him.

His leg’s in a cast and his wrist is in a splint, to protect them as they fix themselves, but if those areas have someone roll onto them, it’ll probably result in more damage. Which means more pain and more time added to his recovery.

It’s apparently a bad idea to sleep on the couch. When he wakes up, everything is sore and screaming in pain. Justified, unfortunately, since he fell asleep in the same position he was relaxing in.

Someone else… is here? There’s something warm pressed up against his side.

He glances over to find that he’s evidently been resting on Karamatsu’s shoulder, likely for a while given that Karamatsu’s eyes are closed too. It looks dark out, and Ichimatsu’s foggy mind busies itself wondering what time it is.

There’s a soft chuckle beside him, and looking over reveals one of his big brother’s eyes is cracked open now. It’s swiftly followed by the other one, then the sudden absence of a pressure around his shoulder makes him aware that Karamatsu had an arm around him. “Awake, hm?”

“Yeah…” He tries to stretch, stopped short when a jolting pain in his chest reminds him that it’s definitely a bad idea. “Oww. I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

“That’s alright. You started to get a bit drowsy about half an hour after Osomatsu-nii-san gave you your medicine. We saved you a plate from dinner, though, if you want me to go warm it up.”

Ichimatsu blinks. “I slept through dinner?? Shit. How late is it right now?”

His brother shifts a bit more to take out his phone. “Hm… a bit after midnight.”

“Midnight?” Well, fuck. Although he can justify an hour nap or so, he’s just slept like six hours. He missed dinner, he missed going to the bathhouse, he missed maybe a game of cards before bed.

Karamatsu laughs again, his hand tousling Ichimatsu’s hair fondly. “That’s right, my brother. Don’t worry. Osomatsu-nii-san said fatigue is a side effect of your medicine, and your body needs sleep right now, anyway. So, are you hungry? Mommy made soba and yakitori for dinner, but if you’d rather have something else, just say the word. Your wish is my command!”

Honestly… he’s not really that hungry. He knows he should probably eat; his stomach is just trying to tell him not to have anything heavy. Another side effect of the medication, maybe. “Are you… sure? I kind of just feel like plain miso and rice. Other stuff doesn’t sound good.”

“Of course! I’d be delighted to go heat some up. You simply rest and I’ll…” When he goes to stand up, something catches Ichimatsu’s eye, and he grabs his brother’s hand, weakly, with his own injured one. It’s painful, but…

Karamatsu’s eyes focus on his younger brother, brows furrowing. “Ichimatsu? What’s the matter?”

It’s… that cut on Karamatsu’s face. Ichimatsu didn’t notice it before. Now that he’s a bit more alert, it’s practically all he can see. It’s not very big, maybe the length of one of their little fingers, and not deep. It looks like a scrape from falling off one’s bike or something. He thinks maybe it had a bandage on it at one point. The color has faded into something dull; the skin around is still bright pink, though, suggesting that it’s irritated despite not being cut.

His gaze shifts down to find similar wounds on Karamatsu’s hands. On the palms, where he probably got a sort of road rash when he tried to catch himself after Ichimatsu pushed him out of the way.

His own wrist protests with a violent throb as he reaches to let his fingers graze lightly over Karamatsu’s wrist. Image after image of what might have happened to him if Ichimatsu wasn’t fast enough comes unbidden into his head. Karamatsu could be the one with a broken leg or broken ribs, or it could have been worse.

“Y… you’re okay… right?” As soon as those words are out of his mouth, tears start spilling. All at once he’s pulled into a hug, loose fists resting against his back. He can’t stop himself from leaning in, pressing his face against Karamatsu’s shoulder.

He can feel the soft rumble of mirthless laughter his big brother gives. “You’re the one who was hurt, Ichimatsu. I’m only okay because of you. If you hadn’t seen… I wasn’t paying attention…”

The words, “It should have been me”, hang heavily in the air even though Karamatsu doesn’t say them.

He brushes a delicate kiss over the side of his little brother’s forehead. “Heh… you would have been a better big brother than me. You kept us all safe when I failed. You probably saved my life, you know. Thank you.”

Ichimatsu isn’t sure why it’s now that the full weight of everything has hit him. Now, when he’s home and out of danger, when everything is okay. Shouldn’t he have been falling apart when he first woke up in the hospital? It shouldn’t have taken seeing Karamatsu’s small injuries to remind him that they all could have died when he’s the one in a cast.

It’s hard to keep himself together, to keep his breathing normal so he doesn’t completely go to pieces. (Though, if he did, what better place to do so than in his older brother’s arms?) “… You’d do the same for me, right? So it’s only fair.”

“I would,” Karamatsu hums. “Without a second thought. You’re my little brother and I love you very much and if I could save you from being hurt, I would. I’m… sorry I was so careless that I couldn’t do it this time.”

Ichimatsu grunts, slipping his good arm around Karamatsu’s waist in an effort to be closer. “Don’t feel too bad. The next car’ll be yours.”

-

After eating as much as he feels like he can, Ichimatsu allows Karamatsu to help transfer him to the floor. It’s already set up with a spare futon, a blanket, and a pillow, probably because someone guessed that sleeping on the sofa wouldn’t be comfortable.

He’s still in so much pain. The shoulder that was reduced back into place aches like an old war wound, and his chest is sore even when he’s lying still. To say nothing of his wrist and his leg. His whole body feels like one giant bruise, except worse.

Although Karamatsu insists he’d be just fine to stand guard all night, after a few minutes Choromatsu comes in and sends him back to the bedroom. Ichimatsu doesn’t hear too much of the conversation ― mostly whispers that Karamatsu needs to go get some sleep, that Choromatsu is glad to take a turn.

Soon enough, though, Karamatsu relents and comes to tell Ichimatsu goodnight before he leaves the room. Ichimatsu gets one more kiss on the head and a reassuring squeeze to his good hand and exchanges another round of “I love you”s with his brother, then heads into the bedroom.

Choromatsu came prepared, setting his own pillow up on the couch and tossing a blanket at the end just in case he needs it. “So… how are you feeling, Ichimatsu?”

“Mm… like crap, kinda.” He looks over to where his brother is trying to get settled in. “I can’t believe I slept six hours and I’m still tired. What kind of shit did they put me on?”

“Hah… y-yeah, it’s the good stuff, probably. Is it at least helping the pain a little?”

“A little. Like Mom said before we left the hospital, I… guess it’d be more worrying if I wasn’t in pain right now. I did get hit by a car.”

Choromatsu leans forward and places a cautious hand on his little brother’s head. Once that earns him no punishment, he gingerly combs through Ichimatsu’s hair. It certainly feels relaxing. “You sure did. I… I can’t believe you kept both Karamatsu and Totty safe. Adrenaline’s a… a weird thing, huh? I’m glad you’re all okay. Hopefully the pain medicine will work better once you’ve had a few doses.”

“Mh. I hope so.”

“Yeah. For now, just, uh… just try to get some more sleep, okay? Your body needs a lot of rest while you’re healing.”

Yep, that’s what Karamatsu said, too. Two of his brothers saying the same thing can’t be wrong. … Well, they could be, but it would be weird. “I’ll try. Thanks for… being here. I dunno that I’d really want to sleep alone for the whole night. Guess Totty’s rubbing off on me.”

A low chuckle leaves Choromatsu as Ichimatsu closes his eyes. The sound of rustling suggests that his older brother has laid down and pulled a blanket over himself as well.

After a moment of quiet between them, Ichimatsu becomes keenly aware of a sensation that definitely isn’t going to allow him to sleep. “Uuuugh. Shit.”

“Huh?” Choromatsu is sitting up in an instant, ready to practically spring out of his skin. “What’s wrong, Ichimatsu?”

“― My leg itches.”

“O-oh. So… scratch it??”

He throws his head back in frustration. “No, the one with the Goddamn cast on it.”

“Ohhh. Okay, uh, well…” Choromatsu gets up and rummages through one of the drawers for a few seconds.

After that, a pencil is pressed into Ichimatsu’s good hand with a smile. “Here, try this. Stick the eraser end down in the little space between your leg and the cast, then keep moving it. If the itch is high enough up, it should help.”

Ichimatsu raises an eyebrow at the advice. Well. What’s he got to lose, after all? He spends a moment trying to get the itch scratched after slipping the pencil down, and finally he sighs in relief. “Fuck, that’s a lot better. How’d you know that was gonna work?”

Choromatsu grins self-consciously, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Ah, well… remember when I broke my arm? When I went for my checkup, I had this itch inside the cast that was driving me nuts. So the nurse showed me this trick. It doesn’t always work, but…”

“Huh… well… thanks.” After everything, he’s just really tired and ready to sleep now. He would cross his fingers that nothing else disturbs him if he felt like moving at all.

“Heh, no problem. All good now?”

“I think so.” When he sees his brother straighten up to head back to the couch, his brain evidently thinks it’s good to say something. “H… hey. Choromatsu?”

Choromatsu looks back down, concern etched on his features. “Ah, yeah? What’s up?”

His heart is hammering so fast it feels like it’s trying to break more of his ribs. He doesn’t really want to embarrass himself. It’s just… he feels… “Can you… can you… stay for a minute? Down here?”

“Oh… yeah, sure. I can’t stay too long… I-I can’t sleep next to you. I might accidentally hurt you.” Even so, he lowers himself back down, sitting cross-legged and reaching to stroke Ichimatsu’s hair.

He nods. That’s part of the problem. Even though he normally wouldn’t have much complaint about being left to his own devices… he’s used to sleeping next to his brothers. Right on the end beside Karamatsu. When he’s not feeling well, being absent from them is apparently not doing him any favors. “I know. It’s just…”

His eyes drift closed once more. It must be the medicine making him feel out of it and way too honest. “… I think I’m gonna get lonely sleeping like this.”

“O-oh… gosh.” He can practically hear the frown in Choromatsu’s voice. The other man’s hand combs through his hair, a rhythmic and repetitive motion that makes him sleepy again. “I can probably… sleep like this, propped up against the couch. Is that okay?”

“Mmmh… I don’t want you to have to do that… you’ll make your back sore.”

He chuckles. “Ah, I-I think I can handle it. Even if that’s true, it’d be worth it to me so you don’t have to feel lonely. It’s the least I can do for my little brother.”

“I can’t stop you,” Ichimatsu mumbles. Sleep is scrabbling its tiny, strong fingers at him, trying to pull him down. It’s getting hard to resist. “If you want…”

“Yeah… yeah, I wanna do this for you.” Choromatsu leans down to press a small kiss to the top of Ichimatsu’s head. “Hey. Love you, Ichimacchan. Try to get some rest, okay?”

He doesn’t have to tell Ichimatsu twice. Within a minute of Choromatsu’s urging, he’s fallen back into a peaceful darkness.

-

When Ichimatsu wakes up the next morning, Choromatsu’s presence has been replaced by Jyushimatsu’s.

As much as he loves his immediate older brother, he doesn’t have any complaints. He and Jyushimatsu are very close, and his younger brother being here is pretty soothing to wake up to.

He’s uncharacteristically quiet, though that’s not to say he isn’t his usual energetic self. He appears to be flipping through baseball cards, maybe organizing them in his little album, humming to himself. There’s also one hand free to play with Ichimatsu’s hair, which he supposes is why he still feels relaxed.

“Hey, Jyushi.” His body reminds him why stretching is a bad idea right now, so he settles for arching his back a little in an effort to make something pop. Everything is sore. Even that little bit of movement hurts his ribs enough that he has trouble catching his breath for a minute. “Fuck… morning.”

“Oh! Yeah, it is morning!” Jyushimatsu is chipper as always, though when he leans in for a hug, he’s surprisingly gentle. “How’d you sleep, Ichimatsu-nii-san?”

“Okay, I guess. I still hurt a bunch.”

“Yeahhhh, you were crying in your sleep! But it’s okay! Because guess what? Jyushi is here!” He grins, nuzzling his cheek against Ichimatsu’s. It’s a bit weird, but par for the course as far as Jyushimatsu is concerned. Besides, the hug is nice after the fear of being lonely last night. “Did you have nightmares, huh?”

Now that he mentions it… yep. Ichimatsu’s dreams, or what he remembers of them, were filled with horrible things. The memory of being hit by the car, or the images of either Karamatsu or Totty being hit because he wasn’t fast enough.

He recalls one piece of a dream which involved looking into his own chest and seeing the end of a fractured rib shatter his glass heart.

A shudder runs through his body, prompting Jyushimatsu to tighten his grip just slightly. “Oh, you’re cold! It’s past breakfast, ‘cause you slept for a really long time, but I’ll go get you some tea!! Sound good?”

Given that his appetite hasn’t come back from war, that sounds better than anything else. Though he did manage to choke down that rice and miso last night, he’s not sure if he wants to eat even anything bland. “Yeah, sounds good. Put just a little bit of agave syrup in it for me?”

“Yeah! Anything for Ichimatsu-nii-san! Be right back, okay?”

With Jyushimatsu, ‘be right back’ is typically how it goes. He’s only gone for a few minutes, or at least it only seems like a few minutes.

Regardless, Ichimatsu has a cup of tea in his hand relatively quickly. Almost as if his brother predicted that it would be difficult to hold something very hot with only one hand, the tea is warm, not boiling hot.

It’s easier to balance it with one hand, plus this means it’s pretty much the perfect temperature to drink. As he starts to sip it, he feels Jyushimatsu’s hand, covered entirely by his sleeve, rubbing affectionately between his shoulder blades. “It’s good, huh?”

He swallows and gives the other a nod. “Yeah, pretty good. Thanks.” Thankfully, it should wake him up, too. He’s still feeling kind of groggy.

“Good!! Osomatsu-nii-san said he’s gonna give you your medicine in a minute, since I told him you were up and hurting.” Jyushimatsu shoves his binder of cards away, shifting up to sit on the sofa. “Do you want me to move you up here after you’re done drinking?”

“Probably, yeah. You got anything you wanna do today?” Another sip, and he sighs in relief feeling the warmth flow through him. Damn.He can’t believe he could take something as simple as a cup of tea in the morning for granted. “I can’t really help with baseball practice… but we could watch TV together or something.”

“Sure! We can watch whatever you want!” After only a few seconds, Jyushimatsu wiggles himself back down and leans against his big brother’s shoulder. “Hey, Ichimatsu-nii-san… I’m really glad you’re okay. Even though you’re hurt and everything, you’re home with us instead of… being not home with us!”

The least he can do is let his head rest gently against Jyushimatsu’s. “Yeah… I’m glad I’m home, too. Don’t think I’d rather be anywhere else.”

Jyushimatsu nods eagerly, making a brief, dull wave of pain wash through Ichimatsu. However, he’d rather have that pain than not have his little brother close. “We’ll take really good care of you! Just say if you need anything, okay? I’m really strong and I can get anything! … And if I can’t, Osomatsu-nii-san probably can!”

“Heh.” Ichimatsu takes another gulp of his tea. “You guys are the best.”

-

True to Jyushimatsu’s word, Osomatsu is in pretty soon to give Ichimatsu the painkillers. For whatever reason, even when he can’t be trusted with literally anything else, the eldest is pretty good at monitoring medicine when one of the others needs it.

All things being equal, Ichimatsu has a lot of faith in taking medicine when Osomatsu keeps track of it. He knows how much was dispensed, how many Ichimatsu is supposed to take and how often, how many are left, and all the related things. He’s like some kind of idiot savant who was put on Earth to be a pill counter.

After he takes it, he expects to start getting tired again, so he silently begs Osomatsu to stay on the couch with him. They’re all supposed to be hanging out anyway, based on what Jyushimatsu said, so right now he decides he wants to be close to his oldest brother for a little bit.

Osomatsu seems all too happy to oblige, snuggling Ichimatsu as close as he dares to. It’s probably not a good idea to use normal force, so the touches are… lighter than usual. It’s not so bad.

He settles in on Osomatsu’s shoulder, trying to get his eyes to focus on the show Jyushimatsu turned it to for him. It’s kind of unfortunate that he’s almost certainly going to fall asleep on it. “You guys are taking really good care of me,” he sighs, letting his eyes slip closed. “You want my allowance? Or, like… a bag of sardines?”

Osomatsu snorts. “What? You’re nuts, man. We’re taking care of you because we want to and because you need it. I mean, if I was sitting here with a broken leg, a broken wrist, broken ribs, and had to have my shoulder cherry popped back into place, wouldn’t you all be like, ‘Wow, maybe we should give the poor bastard a hand’? We’re just doing the same thing for you that we’d do for any one of us.”

Ichimatsu huffs. “Yeah, well… you’re all doing a lot. Karamatsu went in the kitchen past midnight to make me miso and rice, Choromatsu probably fucked up his back sleeping against the couch so I wouldn’t be lonely, Jyushi’s waiting on me, and you’ve got my medicine on a damn schedule or something.”

“Yeah, well,” Osomatsu grins, “I can’t leave it up to you, crackhead.”

He can’t help but chuckle at that. Even so, it’s not going to make him totally drop this. “I’m serious. You guys are…”

Osomatsu nudges him carefully. “We’re being brothers, you boner. I know we suck at showing it sometimes, but… you know we all love each other, right? I guess it’s easier to show it when one of us is sick or hurt. Just so happens you’re the hurt one right now. And also your ass is on painkillers, so everything seems weird to you.”

… Okay, so maybe he can’t fault that logic. Still, though.

They’re both quiet for a long moment while they watch the screen, then Osomatsu lets out a soft hum. “You did good, you know. I don’t like that you tried to get yourself killed, but you did good.”

“I wasn’t trying to get myself killed,” Ichimatsu retorts with the nastiest facial expression he can muster right now. “I didn’t wanna get hit, either. But Karamatsu and Totty weren’t paying attention… I didn’t want them to get hit. I was trying to get us all out of that way… I just wasn’t fast enough.”

Osomatsu scoffs before reaching his hand up to ruffle Ichimatsu’s hair. He appears to be getting a lot of pets like that lately, not that he’s complaining. It feels really good and is one of the biggest comforts he has right now. “You protected them, anyway. I can’t say too much, because you didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done if it were me.”

Ichimatsu offers a low, mocking wail. “Oh, shit. I’m turning into you. I think I’d rather be a cat. If I were a really bratty cat, you’d still be nice enough to feed me sardines and scratch behind my ears, right?”

“Uhhhh, I guess. You’re changing the subject, you dick.” A small puff of laughter makes his bangs move. “I just… wanna say I really respect you, man. Sometimes I remember the days when you would kick Karamatsu in the leg just for breathing the wrong way. And when you used to blow Totty off to hang with your friends in high school.”

He gets a shrug in response. “People change. We’ve all changed a lot.”

“Yeah, sure. I know.” His arm shifts down and he squeezes Ichimatsu’s good hand in that reassuring, proud way only an older sibling can. “They haven’t all been good changes. But seeing you trying to keep the others safe… that’s a a good change. Just gotta give you your props, Ichimacchan.”

He’s too tired to really argue with Osomatsu. Despite the fact that he knows he’s the shittiest of them all, he has to at least silently acknowledge that what he did prevented one of his older brothers and his baby brother from being in the same pain he’s in right now.

Instead of saying anything meaningful, he just presses himself in more against Osomatsu and mutters, “That’s nice. I’m tired.”

Osomatsu snorts and Ichimatsu feels a light kiss on top of his head. “Alright, dumbass, get some sleep. The pills are probably kicking in. Let me know if you need anything.”

Ichimatsu thinks that, right now, all he needs is his big brother to be the perfect pillow, and he’s doing a pretty good job of that.

-

Although it’s not dark at all the next time Ichimatsu wakes up, it’s significantly later than he meant to sleep. 3 P.M., meaning that once again he’s slept through a meal ― lunch, this time.

Just like last night, he finds that he’s not really all that hungry. Even so, it might be a good idea to eat, so probably he ask Osomatsu to get him something small.

When he shifts and looks over, though, Osomatsu isn’t there anymore. Instead, there’s Totty…

… Oh.

He’s holding onto Ichimatsu pretty tight. Ichimatsu isn’t sure he can move too much with the way Totty is holding him.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Totty? Everything okay?”

His little brother stiffens, wide eyes suddenly turning up to look at him. Unlike what he noticed about Karamatsu, Totty doesn’t have any physical injuries, but… the skin around his eyes is red and puffy. “Y… yeah, it’s all good. Sorry, am I hurting you?”

“No… not really hurting.” He doesn’t remember having seen Totty too much after everything happened. He visited Ichimatsu in the hospital, all teary-eyed and not talking, before they were all allowed to take him home. Once he got home, though, he can’t recall Totty being around a lot even though everyone else was.

He assumed Totty was freaked out after everything and avoiding him just because he’s emotional right now. Seems Ichimatsu was right about that.

He maneuvers his good arm to put it around Totty’s shoulders, pulling him in closer. “Have you been crying? You sure you’re okay?”

Totty sniffles and dips his head down. “Yeah, sorry… I just…”

“Don’t be sorry, dumbass.” Even though it hurts a little to move so much, Ichimatsu cuddles his brother in against him. “It’s fine, you big crybaby. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I should be the one making sure you’re okay.” Regardless, Totty nestles in, tucking his head under Ichimatsu’s chin. It’s a bit of a weight on his hurt ribs, but it’s not that bad. “… H-hey. I, um. You know. I… I love you.”

Huh. It’s been a while since Totty has said that point-blank to any of his brothers, Ichimatsu thinks. It’s kind of nice to hear. He closes his eyes and offers an appreciative hum. “I love you, too. That it?”

Totty lets out a frustrated sigh, and Ichimatsu can just imagine the pout he has on his face. Kinda cute. He can’t really help himself; the youngest is always gonna be the baby, always gonna be adorable, even when he’s acting like a little bitch or if he wants to deny it. “I wanted to… say I’m sorry.”

“For…?”

“For… everything! Y-you know, for almost getting hit and… I mean, you got hurt trying to protect me and Karamatsu! If I hadn’t tried to follow him without even looking… you wouldn’t have had to worry about me. And… and I haven’t been with you too much since you got home…”

He nuzzles his head against Ichimatsu’s collarbone, kneading his hand against the top of his brother’s good leg. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just… I’ve been… really upset. It was scary, seeing the car hit you…”

The hum Ichimatsu gives this time is lower, pensive and understanding. “Yeah. Mom said you were crying a lot when she got to the hospital. ‘S okay to be kinda freaked out, you know.”

“Yeah, I know… and I was… am.I was scared the whole time… Karamatsu tried to wake you up, but you were just lying there and you wouldn’t…” Totty sniffles and his hand curls into a weak fist against Ichimatsu’s knee. “I didn’t wanna lose you, Ichimatsu-nii-san, and I was really afraid you were gone. I’m happy you’re okay… I just… I-I was pretty sure I was gonna cry the first time I tried to take care of you, so I… wanted to be alone with you. Crying in front of all you guys is…”

Ichimatsu nods to quiet his brother, ghosting a kiss over the top of Totty’s head. “I get it. It’s okay, Totty. C’mere, okay… you don’t have to be sorry for being freaked out and not wanting to cry and all that shit. I’m sure Karamatsu’s freaked out, too. And everyone else. Don’t apologize for your feelings, stupid.”

An indignant huff is the response he gets, before Totty presses in against Ichimatsu’s uninjured shoulder. “It just makes me think a lot,” he finally confesses.

Ichimatsu smirks. “Right. And you’re so out of practice with thinking, it’s hard. I know.”

“Th-that’s not it, you jerk!” Totty whines and brings his arms in, curled against his chest. His knees come up onto the couch, folded under him, as he tries to get comfortable. “It makes me think… anything could happen, at any moment, and that… might be it.And I know we’re all shitty to each other a lot of the time, but… but I love all of you.”

He sniffles, snuggling against Ichimatsu when his big brother pulls him even closer. “The thought that one of us might… die… I-I didn’t… I didn’t know how afraid I was of that… till I thought it happened. If one of us wasn’t here… it… it wouldn’t be the same anymore.”

“… Yeah.” Ichimatsu gives Totty a squeeze that’s maybe a little tighter than necessary. It’s not like he can pretend that Totty is wrong. He’s right. Even though they’re all assholes and treat each other like crap sometimes, the last thing any of them want is for their family to be… incomplete.

They sit quietly for what feels like a long time, holding each other. Breathing. Just existing in sync, in perfect understanding for a while.

Sometimes, it’s true, Ichimatsu is kind of a death seeker. Sometimes he really does want to die. Sometimes he doesn’t care about anything, and just wants it all to end so he doesn’t have to deal with the weight of life anymore.

Sometimes, though… sometimes he fights death with all he has. He thinks maybe that’s what happened after he got hit by the car.

It would have been easy to die then. To just let his injuries swallow him up and put out his life like blowing out a candle.

He’s in a lot of pain right now, but he’s not dead. There must be a reason, right?

He thinks this is the reason.

Holding his youngest brother and realizing how broken his absence would leave his family, thinking about how broken it would be if anyof them were gone, how much they love each other…

… For once, he’s happy to be alive.

[iximaz]

Running thoughts on The Mandalorian Episode 8

This episode summed up in one word: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???!!!

I’m only gonna say it once: MASSIVE spoilers beyond the break!

THEY PUT BABY YODA IN THE BAG ASDFGHJKL; YOU MONSTERS aw cute point of view shot from inside the bag but also HOW DARE YOU

DID YOU JUST SERIOUSLY HIT MY BABY 

did you seriously do it TWICE

Okay these two troopers have big Taika energy and as much as I already hate them I’m laughing my ass off

These two trying some target practice to pass the time can’t shoot for shit and I’m living for it

That other trooper be like

Okay it’s not just me who heard that trooper say “Oh my god”, right??

You go Baby Yoda, you bite that mean trooper WHO JUST FUCKING PUNCHED YOU WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM I HOPE THEY DIE

oh my god IG you better show them what’s what

Breaking that fucker’s arm after he hit Baby Yoda yesssssss

IG is an icon and i love him

“The Mandalorians have a covert down in the sewers” oh that’s neat so that’s where it was

“If we can get down there, they can help us escape” uhhh Dyn how long has it been since they said they’d have to relocate buddy

Oh the troopers are getting out a big gun thing this is fine they’ll just miss with it anyway

...What the hell kind of sewer has access inside a bar lounge?

can we just get more footage of cara with her big gun being sexy and stuff please

SHE’S FROM ALDERAAN HOLY SHIT WHAT

HE KNOWS THEIR NAMES OH SHIT

!!!!! SPELLING CONFIRMED IT’S DIN DJARIN MY MAN I NEED TO GO EDIT MY FANFIC NOW BUT AAAAAAAA

“Night of a Thousand Tears” is this just me or does this just sorta feel like Kristallnacht like seriously yikes and also oof

Ughhhhh I hate Moff Gideon so good job writers on that I absolutely loathe your villain well done

“Mandalorian isn’t a race.” “It’s a Creed.” FUCKIN YES THANK YOU THIS IS SOMETHING FANS WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT

baby din is so precious and i wanna feed him cookies and tell him it’s gonna be okay send help please

ARE THOSE DEATH WATCH MANDOS OH MY GODDDDDDD

Baby Din being carried away via jetpack my heart

Oh man so the Purge would have happened semi-recently which means Din’s clan are a more orthodox version of the Way that’s neat aw shit Imma have to tweak my fic again aren’t I

Baby Yoda and IG-11 on the bike together are just stunning

“I am fulfilling my base function. ... To nurse and protect.” YOU GO NURSE DROID IG

Greef downing shots thinking he’s gonna die is honestly such a mood

hnggg yess more of Cara being sexy AF

MOFF JUST BLEW UP MY HUSBAND HOW DARE YOU

Cara yes RESCUE HIM PLEASE

“If you go near this child, I will have no choice but to kill you.” ME TOO

Oh shit oh shit that’s chunky blood

Not good not good not good

Din baby please you can’t die this is your show

oh god is he gonna need to take the helmet off

oh no he’d rather die than take it off

he wants cara to protect his baby send help

“the foundling” BABY YODA IS CONFIRMED HIS SON NOW AAA

BABY YODA REDIRECTING THE FIREBALL YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

Din asking IG to kill him nooo ;-;

The episode’s only half over and I still haven’t seen some of the trailer shots how’re they getting out of this

oh

oh m

my god

“No living thing has s-seen me without m-my helmet since I s-swore the C-Creed—” Din stoppit stop stuttering and dying you’re breaking my heart

Oh no is this gonna make him stop hating droids so much is this a loophole is this not can he not be Mandalorian is he g

oh my g

Din baby look at what they’ve done to you

(internally: oh my god he’s hot this is not fair imma die send help my ovaries am become explode)

HE’S SO EXPRESSIVE WITHOUT THE HELMET

his reaction to IG’s attempt to make a joke like my god aaaaaaa

I’m just gonna go cry seeing all the helmets and armor piled up here if we’re gonna continue the Jews parallel this is like all the shoes you see at Holocaust museums and I bet this was 100% intentional

Din just slowly falling to his knees seeing it :(

Oh thank fuck the Armorer is actually alive and the preview scene wasn’t from a flashback!

She knows about the Jedi~~~

Din: “So you mean this thing is my baby now?” Armorer: “Bitch haven’t you been watching the entire show”

For real this brings my heart so much fucking joy I can’t even

“You are a clan of two.” ASDFGHJKL; AAAA

HE GOT THE MUDHORN AS HIS SIGNET AFTER ALL

“Have you trained in the Rising Phoenix?” JETPACK?

“When I was a boy, yes.”

JETPACK!!!!!!

BABY DIN LEARNING HOW TO USE A JETPACK ART NOW PLEASE AAA

Also okay so like he says nobody’s said his name since he was a kid but apparently the entire clan knows it? What? Did I miss something? Guys?

Maybe he’s never heard the name from people outside the clan? Fuck it, that’s what Imma go with

Oh my god the Armorer beating the absolute hell out of those Stormtroopers I am so gay for her right now aaaaa

Cara watching Greef and Din trying to move the boat and then she just shoots the dock it’s on XD

aww the little R2 unit’s got little arms WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING IT’S GOT LEGS TOO??

Din: “I don’t suppose anybody here speaks droid?” IG-11: “bish u wot m8″

God the convection from this lava river’s gotta be brutal

omg fire ferrets good bois good bbs

...Literally everything about IG’s death and Din starting to overcome his hatred of droids just in time to watch his savior self-destruct to save them all hurts so hard, jesus christ

oh shit it’s the Moff in a TIE

“Come on, baby! Do the magic hand thing!” Greef you absolute icon i love u

Baby Yoda just fuckin waving back at him and cooing im ded

oh shit it’s motherfuckin JETPACK TIME

wait how’s he wearing it over the cape won’t the cape burn up

Nvm he’s got the cape slung over one shoulder now

HE FLYIN HE FLYIN HE FLYIN

aAaAaAaAaAaAaA THAT CAN’T BE GOOD FOR HIS ARMS

hahaha Moff get fuckin REKT (no way he’s dead though people climb out of worse crashes than that all the time)

Okay Din using the jetpack is way sexier than it should be can he just take me now please i thirst

Cara becoming Greef’s enforcer is just perfect and I hope we see more of these two in the next season also sweet Din is gonna find his life a lot easier now that he’s not running from the Guild

BABY YODA WANTS TO BE PICKED UP BY HIS DADDY MY HEART AAAA IT’S JUST LIKE WHEN DIN WAS SAVED AS A KID

He made Kuiil a grave im not crying ur crying

is he gonna name the baby Kuill

Baby Yoda has the pendant he gave Cara!!

HE GETS TO KEEP THE PENDANT DIN HAS ACCEPTED HE’S GOT A SON AAA

And now we pan back to the wreck where Moff is climbing out of it

or not

fuckin Jawas, man

Now Moff?

wait

oh

my

g

w

o

OH

MY GOD

IT’S

IT’S THE DARKSABER!!!!!!!!

[definitely-gone]

The Gang’s favorite Pokemon generations(and other stuff)

I’m bored and I can’t sleep let’s go. Btw don’t expect more stuff like this, I’ve just had this on my mind.

Bruno:

Probably Gen 2. He loves the legendaries and finds them really cool and mysterious.

Bruno’s goal is usually to catch em all and he feels more fulfilled once he does that than he would if he beat the champion.

He also watched the anime. He still watches the movies. The nostalgia 😤😤😤😤

He knows type advantages like the back of his hand. If you’re like, “Hey Bruno, what’s weak against ice-“

“Fire, Water, Steel, And itself”

Abbacchio:

I’m feeling like he’s a Gen 5 guy. The story, and music is fuckin 👌👌👌😩😩😩 to him. He is quick to get on your ass if you insult gen 5.

For some reason Abbacchio has quite a bit of shiny Pokémon. He always says he forgot how he got them, which is kinda sus, but he literally cannot shiny hunt to save his life because it’s so boring to him. Maybe he’s just lucky???

Abbacchio b like

“I😤😤relate👌👌to N🙏🙏 so much👄👄. N is dePrEsS like me😔😔”

Giorno:

He👏🏽Loves👏🏽Gen👏🏽4👏🏽 don’t try to argue with me.

He talks to the characters that stand around in the game to get that extra spicy lore. He also is one of the few people that enjoys the contest feature(although he prefers Black and whites contests)

Don’t challenge him to a battle you’re gonna lose you’re absolutely gonna lose. He plays casually, yet he is so strategical???

GIORNO PLAYS POKÉMON BATTLE REVOLUTION CHANGE MY MIND, OH WAIT, YOU CANT!

Fugo:

Gen 3. If this boi ain’t a Hoenn boi, idk what tf he is. He DID watch the movies, he DID play the game, and he watched the anime. He likes all the characters(including Wally. Wally haters gtfo)

Fugo likes to read Pokédex entries and compare them to others from different games. Sometimes when he finds a good one, he’ll be like “Oi, Narancia, look at this Pokédex entry” or something like that.

He was so happy when ORAS came out. He loved the new after story and ESPECIALLY the Latios/Latias riding feature. He also really loves the music, and how it’s now orchestrated. He could listen to it forever.

Mista:

This one is hard, h m m m, I’ll say Gen 1. Mista is that one guy that’s always like “haha remember back when we had to use wires to trade Pokémon?” Mista’s probably likes Gen 1 more for the anime.

Mista has actually used a frying pan as a drying pan at one point. I don’t know when, but it happened(if you don’t get this I hate you sorry)

He knows the Poké Rap, but don’t bring it up. He will do the whole thing if you even talk about it so please don’t.

Mista b r e e d s Pokémon alot, and he’s competitive. He knows about EVs and IVs and all that bullshit that I don’t know about hhejjeej

Narancia:

If you don’t agree that he loves Gen 6, well ding dong, your opinion is wrong! Narancia roams around lumiose city on his skates and Cyllage City on his bike! He loves character customization in this game too!

Narancia is one of those players that only has attack moves. He also tends to use the same move over and over. His starter Pokémon is o o f sOOOOO op and the rest of his team are at a lower level.

If he sees a legendary bird he’s gonna be like “GUYS LOOK OH MY GOD ITS MOLTRES” and then someone else is gonna be like “oh my god this is the 7th time you’ve seen moltres today just freaking catch it”

He will not delete his save file

He will not delete his save file

His Pokémon are his friends, and he will not eVER fucking delete them. He’s tried explaining it before but they don’t really get it, and mISTa makes fun of him a lil for it

Narancia runs away during 90% wild battles I’m sorry

Trish:

She loves 7. Sun and Moon is literally her aesthetic. She appreciates the vibe and the colors, and she likes a refreshing change from the normal gym format.

Trish can connect with the main characters of sun and moon more than any of the other games, and she finds the story much more interesting.

Trish has a bunch of shiny Pokémon, but that’s because she actually breeds and shiny hunts. She doesn’t do it for battling purposes, but just because she likes having le sparkly Pokémon UwU

Trish loves feeding her Pokémon and petting them AaAAAAA

[waveypedia]

Reverser Rambles

Marc!!! A writer!! I love him!!

those drawings of Ladybug are so heckin’ cool

I love the art teacher!!

Alix doing street art is so in character and I love it

Chloe arc foreshadowing?

ooh yesss Marc and Nathaniel team up! gay/bi writer/artist Ladybug fan solidarity!

more on Ladybug being an inspiration and important to the people. Yeah, that’s definitely not going to come back and bite her in the butt later.

HAHAHA THE ONE TIME SHE’S NOT SPYING ON ADRIEN HE CATCHES HER IN THE ACT

I love Marinette making friends with other people and bringing them to meet her class

Nathaniel no that was super uncalled for!!! geez!

the music in Hawk Moth’s lair is different. It has the same undertones, but a bit of a different melody, and steel drums or vibraphone or something

Reverser’s voice sounds kind of like Hawk Moth’s.

wait, so he’s only mad at Marinette? Not Nathaniel? huh.

HAHAHA ROGER 

is that bike guy new?

wait.. but Marinette is super clumsy... how is that her reversed form? shouldn’t she be lazy or something?

CHAT LEAPS STRAIGHT INTO LADYBUG’S ARMS YEAH

good luck inverting Marinette lol

Nathaniel hangs out with Alix! Nice!

ROSE AND JULEKA ARE HOLDING HANDS!!!!

oh and Rose was writing a rock song earlier and now Juleka is here with her guitar! to play it! aaaaaaa I love them!

awwwwwwwwwww the scene with the stairs was so cute!

Chloe is just completely unfazed hahaha I love her

well he may be akumatized but at least he knows Chloe’s treatment of Sabrina has got to change!

AW YEAH CHLOE SERVING SABRINA FOR A CHANGE NICE

space dumpster? wtf? how dumb are you mayor

Mylene and Ivan are protesters! nice!

couldn’t you reverse the mayor to be, I don’t know, a better mayor? or a better father???

CHAT IS ALL WRAPPED UP IN HIS LITTLE BLANKET SO CUTE

they should really call on Rena Rouge

Ladybug can get through to Chat!!

ALIX IS FANTASTIC. THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THIS SUPER COOL GIRL.

Alix did the Miraculous Ladybug thing with Ladybug!

THEY MADE A COMIC!!

Great episode. Really funny. Marc is a fantastic new character. So is the art teacher and I hope to see both of them again soon! Marc and Nathaniel are a great creative duo! Also, Marc and Luka would probably get along pretty well too, I hope they meet! #GiveAlixaMiraculous2k18

[cesium-sheep]

arin hit a snag with the financing for her bike so she texted to check with me if at least asking the dealer about their options was okay and now I’m stressy :( she said we still have wiggle room even though the deposit will be a hit and she won’t take a bad deal just cuz she wants the bike and I don’t need to worry but. aaaaaaa I hate worrying about money so much, I was supposed to be done worrying about money because my allowance is squared away if my patreon doesn’t implode. and I won’t really have time or energy to find extra work until january at the absolute earliest. the doc said they really want to buy a blanket off me so I have that option in my back pocket if I need it I guess, although I worry about the potential ethics consequences they could face which is why I haven’t already made them one even though it’s not a gift it’d be a fairly compensated service good, albeit one made on speculation.

10 months. in 10 months she’ll start getting paid and I can stop worrying for real for real.

[little-owly]

Do you have any omo gr//ump hcs??

YEAH DUDE

-arin loves to hold out til the last second, catching him by surprise. he’s loud about his need to piss too, “fuck, i can’t hold it for long, it hurts so bad.” it’ll usually end with him sitting in a chair or on the couch, whimpering and holding his dick while he wets himself.

-dan has it happen to him by surprise, hell be fine and next thing you know the urge hits him. he’ll be stumbling around on his lanky legs trying to rush to the bathroom. right when he’s in front of the bathroom door, he’ll wet. his poor gasps and moans as he lets it all out, hanging his head in shame. 

-ross is /so ashamed/ if he wets. it usually happens when he’s way to relaxed, but not exactly asleep. he’ll be leaning back in his chair at his computer, in between falling asleep and still awake. he’ll feel the warm and wet feeling, smiling before realizing what’s going on, rushing to the bathroom but the damage is already done. he’ll sob and whimper, “fuck no, please please please” before looking down - tears in his eyes - at his own yellow puddle.

-barry 110% has a omo kink. he’ll hold it during episodes, knowing the slightest moan or whimper he’d make would be picked up. after recording, when everyone has left, he’ll make his way to the bathroom and let himself wet, moaning and groaning out loud, shamelessly jerking it in his own puddle. he’ll grind his wet crotch against his own hand before cumming.

-suzy loves to wet in leggings and skirts. she’ll stand in her and arin’s backyard, maybe filming for her outfit videos. she’ll start to shake slightly in her platform boots, her skirt bouncing with each movement. biting her bottom lip, she’ll drop down on her knees and moan, wetting herself and the ground underneath her. she’ll show her wet skirt to the camera, lifting it to show off her wet leggings and soaked panties. (whilllle reminding herself to edit this part out)

-vernon wets because of his shy bladder. he’s only ever comfortable going at the office’s bathroom or his own. he’ll be biking down a lonely hiking path, the urge getting stronger. each time he feels it, he gets off his bike to try and piss, nothing comes out, his muscles as tense as ever. he’ll get back on his bike and keep riding, wobbly as ever. his bladder making him whimper, not being able to take it anymore. his body pushes the urine out of him as he rides, vernon’s blush darkening. the piss running down his leg and the bike to leave a trail behind him, showing everyone his shame.

-brian usually has a iron bladder. that is, until he gets drunk. one or two drinks, hes good. three drinks he starts to feel the pressure, but ignoring it in favor of more drinking. by the time he’s on his sixth drink. he’ll begin to leak, not really minding. in his drunk induced thinking, he assumes it’s just a spot of beer. he doesnt make it past his seventh drink, walking out the bar to catch an taxi before he leans on a wall, all his piss pouring out of him. he groans, feeling it run down his legs and into his socks. he cancels the taxi, opting to call dan instead. it’d be much easier to explain to him than some underpaid taxi driver.

(i hope these all make sense bc they’re all unedited AND i wrote them without my glasses on aaaaaaa forgive me i’m v blind

[dearventingmachine-blog]

Monday, February 12, 2018// 19:19

Today was an okay day. I had showered on sunday evening and I never want to leave my bed the next morning I wake up, Especially when I have put new fresh bed sheets on my bed. So I took about an hour to get out of bed. I actually wanted to get out at 6AM but that ended up being 7.30AM and I had to leave at 9AM to not be late at school. It snowed today so I was scared that I would fall of my bike because of the slippery roads since that has happened three times already this winter. I miss spring, summer and autumn so much already. And those warm sunnny days with like a cold breeze of air. Those are good weather days. When I got in school I was on time but I came across this guy (lets call him C.) and I really want to avoid any contact with him, I think he into me but I only see him as a classmate. It just feels so awkward walking past him, I can feel him staring at me even when I walk away or give him my back. Maybe I am just overreacting, yeah I probably am. Anyway aaaaaaas predicted the group project is not starting well people are already having trouble just setting a date to come together and start the project. uughhhh I’ll just keep telling myself that I only have to be with them for 9 weeks and then everything will be over and I will be in a new group. I have loads of homework and yet here I am writing ‘in my diary’ I have to read 9 chapters and make at least 50 exercises before tomorrow and I have to make a start with the group project since we first have to each make our own version and then fuse all the versions together in the end. 

I just looked to my right and I saw the facemasks I had bought for my best friend. I also bought some pins she can pin on her backpack or a jacket and a photoalbum. I am planning on printing out some of our pictures we took together or pics that I took of her and put them in there. Last year I made a happy jar for her and she is still using it! Thursday we are going to celebrate her birthday. She is actually the only friend I feel comfortable telling my secrets and problems or my own opinions(yet here I am writing my thoughts on tumblr and everyone in the world with some decent internet connection can read it smh). I am so thankful for having her as my friend. I just wish we could see eachother more often, but on the other hand now that we dont see eachother so much, we, or at least I do, appreciate and cherish the time that we spend with eachother a lot more. OMG maybe it would be fun to take her to the flower park and take some pretty pictures there. I just wish I had the money to go there. Well maybe one day. I hope our friendship will last for a very long time. 

I got one of my grades back it’s a 3.4/10. I wish I could just die already. Guess I have to redo the exam. If I told my mom about this or the 5.2/10 she would be so mad! She would probably take away my phone or what not and ground me. But I think the worst thing would be that she would be dissapointed in me. That would hurt me the most. I really hope I will do well on the exams when I will take them again. I only have to figure out when I have them I hope they do not mix up with my work and school schedule or other plans. More stuff on my todo list GREAT. Guess I have to start on my homework and do the dishes when everybody finished dinner. Sometimes I really hate myself and the moment I am stuck in, why can’t I just fastforward to the point of my life where I am a happy, financially stable woman. That would be unfair to others probably. 

Monday, February 12, 2018//19:42

[yeagerprogram]

started bike riding practice with friend today in a parking lot only because i had to leave early because sister isn't sure when she needs me to pick her up from driver's ed and friend's house is a good distance from her school-- but anyway i am so glad we decided to practice after the change of the handlebars aaaand after adjusting them to my height because i really felt like i had MUCH more control over the bike now. it really felt like "this bike is mine" aaaaaaa even that tiny bit of riding around in that parking lot and getting used to the clutch it was just so nice and i'm so glad i get to start practicing sooner because of the odd warmer weather