#because I wasn’t fully disabled before that. but I was pretty distinctly fully disabled after that.

[cesium-sheep]

arin hit a snag with the financing for her bike so she texted to check with me if at least asking the dealer about their options was okay and now I’m stressy :( she said we still have wiggle room even though the deposit will be a hit and she won’t take a bad deal just cuz she wants the bike and I don’t need to worry but. aaaaaaa I hate worrying about money so much, I was supposed to be done worrying about money because my allowance is squared away if my patreon doesn’t implode. and I won’t really have time or energy to find extra work until january at the absolute earliest. the doc said they really want to buy a blanket off me so I have that option in my back pocket if I need it I guess, although I worry about the potential ethics consequences they could face which is why I haven’t already made them one even though it’s not a gift it’d be a fairly compensated service good, albeit one made on speculation.

10 months. in 10 months she’ll start getting paid and I can stop worrying for real for real.

[ghoultyrant]

More Metroid fangames

Back on Zebes and Metroid: Between Worlds are a couple of Metroid fangames I’ve worked through in recent weeks. They share the same engine, made personally by the lone developer, so it’s not surprising they share several faults, but overall I’m fairly impressed.

Back on Zebes is the less impressive of the two, which isn’t surprising given it came first. It’s reasonably accurate to think of it as a cut-down, simplified version of Super Metroid. The simplistic plot is pretty much ‘Samus has to go back to Zebes again, because Mother Brain and company are up to their prior plots again’, with no attempt made to explain why the planet literally exploding hasn’t made this plot impossible from the start. That’s okay, because Back on Zebes is more like a test run or prototype than anything else; it shows that the creator can assemble a game-like program successfully, and anything beyond that is gravy.

Most of the power-ups are familiar, though the exact physics are generally different from what you’re used to. Particularly notable is that unlike official Metroid games, enemies and projectiles that are off-screen are fully-functional/existent, which once you’re aware of it makes many of the game’s long corridors a bit of a joke: just fire blindly ahead and everything will die without you ever being in danger. As for the actually new power-ups, you’ve got a ‘magnetic shield’ that makes you immune to most sources of damage, but which is disabled if you fire a Missile or go into Morph Ball -surprisingly, firing your beam is fair game, though your ability to abuse this is limited by your invulnerability having an ‘ammo’ supply that drains quite quickly. The game uses this invulnerability for the fairly obvious ‘you’re supposed to turn invincible and walk across these spikes’ quoteunquote ‘puzzles’ common to games that include such a concept, but more unusual and creative is that a few rooms require you use it so you can activate the Speed Booster. It’s a nice little twist on two familiar concepts!

The other new thing is a fire beam or flamethrower, which has a short range but rapid fires, and more importantly some blocks can only be destroyed by it. This isn’t particularly inspired, but... well, it’s not like Metroid Prime did any better with its own flamethrower, aside the looks department. Nor is it like the main games have done a lot to experiment with the beam space. There’s certainly room for creativity in the Metroid beam set, but it’s genuinely difficult to find it. So hey, fair enough.

Back on Zebes generally attempts to approximate, rather than recreate, bosses and minibosses, and in one notable case a Super Metroid miniboss is outright replaced with one patterned after a Zero Mission miniboss. Crocomire, for example, has a regular health meter, and merely steps back as his health drops, instead of shoving him back being how you kill him. The first Torizo instead jumps you in the corridor just outside the Bomb room, instead of the Chozo Statue shedding its stone shell to attack you. For the most part, the results are unsurprisingly lackluster, with Draygon in particular being underwhelming for how exploitable his pattern is. (Admittedly, Super Metroid’s Draygon isn’t actually not exploitable) Kraid also stands out in a bad way, but instead for the fact that the game forces you to consistently ride Kraid’s spikes -an idea that is okay by itself, but made instantly horrible by the fact that the engine has no mechanics for you riding the spikes, instead having them magically slide right out from under you. This makes the fight much, much harder than it would otherwise be.

Ridley and Mother Brain are notable oddities. Ridley is an aerial duel on a timer, where you’re forced to Space Jump indefinitely because the solid ground is all under super-lava that hurts you through your Gravity Suit. This is probably the most challenging fight in the game -it’s also the one that most bluntly illustrates that the game assumes you’re using a controller, as only a portion of the keyboard controls can be edited, and doing the boss with a keyboard is quite literally physically painful. That issue aside, it was reasonably enjoyable and an interesting realization of an unusual possibility that’s long existed in the Metroid series but never been explored.

Mother Brain actually has a weird fake-out element. You fight her brain-in-a-jar form, it works out roughly as you’d expect, only once you’ve defeated that form... the self-destruct starts. Okay, the engine is clearly not suited to form changes for bosses and whatnot, that’s a little disappointing but not terribly surprising-

-and then partway through your (timed, remember) escape you stumble into Mother Brain on her body. Surprise!

Overall, Back on Zebes isn’t a game I’d recommend playing unless you’re wanting more context on the development process that lead to Metroid: Between Worlds. I enjoyed it for that aspect, but the actual core gameplay is fairly lackluster; enemies are quite sparse past the first third or so of the game, and non-boss enemies are almost never a real threat. Bosses themselves are generally simplistic, and not an elegant simplicity. Instead, the simplicity of bosses is often what makes them extraordinarily threatening: there’s not a complex pattern that once understood can be mastered reasonably readily. There’s just Phantoon constantly trying to ram you, his wonky flight physics making it very difficult to consistently avoid being hit, with periodic plasma eyeballs thrown out to make things even harder. The graphics and music aren’t going to pull you in, being primarily reused assets from Super Metroid, with a little bit of Zero Mission and Fusion thrown in. The narrative is barely there, and the creator clearly doesn’t speak English as their first language. I could go on for longer, but I think you get the point.

Still, there’s glimmers of an awareness of what a good game looks like, even if this particular game isn’t a strong implementation of this awareness.

Which brings us back to Metroid: Between Worlds.

As noted earlier, Between Worlds has a lot of the faults of the prior game due to having the same engine. It’s still a game that assumes you’re using a controller, to your physical detriment if you insist upon a keyboard, such as because you don’t have a controller compatible with a PC. The animations are less-than-great, with many enemies having no animation at all beyond their sprite sliding around, and Samus still doesn’t animate properly when firing while running. (She goes into her firing pose for literally one frame and then goes right back to pumping both arms)

Even so, it’s vastly improved on virtually every level.

The plot is a bit more sensical and fleshed-out. Samus is returning to SR388 because it turns out the Metroid problem wasn’t properly dealt with during her original trip in Metroid 2; while the game doesn’t give an explicit timeframe, it’s not difficult to guess this is meant to be occurring sometime after Super Metroid but before Fusion. That’s reasonable, even if it would probably be wonky if you tried to insert such a game into the canon timeline.

For the first half-ish of the game, that’s really all there is to the story. I’ll come back to that in a minute, though.

The gameplay in the first half is more polished than Back On Zebes. Enemies are more consistently existent, and more consistently relevant. Save points all fully restore you, which makes the process of hunting Metroids much less tedious than it might otherwise have been. There’s a fairly steady stream of microbosses in the form of Alpha and so on Metroids, which while simplistic in a broadly similar way to the Back On Zebes bosses that simplicity is much closer to elegance. As bosses were probably the strongest part of Back On Zebes, this is distinctly a good thing!

The first half-ish does drag a bit. It’s reasonably enjoyable, but I was starting to wonder if it was worth the effort to actually complete the game a good half hour or so before things picked up, because new things were being doled out at a slow pace and if it weren’t for the Metroid counter I’d have thought I was about to hit the endgame.

Then things picked up.

You pick up a power-up deep in SR388, and a self-destruct timer starts up. Okay, a little abrupt, but not completely unprecedented in a Metroid game. You keep running, and you hit Spore Spawn. O...kay. Sure, timed boss fight. If you played Back On Zebes first (I hadn’t, but whatever), this isn’t even surprising. Okay, just... kill Spore Spawn and then get out.

Oh.

Um.

Its HP is dropping... really slowly. Was I supposed to collect more Missiles first? Am I missing some trick in how to damage it even when its core isn’t exposed? Do I need to restart?

Boom, everything explodes.

And instead of a Game Over screen, you get some narration from Samus. The Space Pirates have stolen your armor, and it’s time to escape and get a replacement.

Yes, a Zero Suit Samus sequence ensues. I was fairly impressed. It hadn’t seemed likely to be within the technical ability of the creator from what I’d seen up to that point. It’s not anywhere near as good as the similar sequence from Zero Mission, but the basics of sneaking through a Space Pirate ship are kind of there. No alarm for being caught, but you’re stuck stunning Space Pirates and running. The Paralyzer even has a cooldown period, if a clearly kludged-together one.

But it gets better, as you take some sort of teleporter or something and it turns out the game has more twists. In addition to the map you’ve been running through so far, there’s a whole other map area, a dark mirror to the one you’ve been operating in, a Phazon dimension. And that notion of it being a Phazon dimension isn’t a simple recoloring of art assets: your HP actually ticks down so long as you’re wandering this place!

This part is actually a much more effective stealth sequence than the Space Pirate ship area. The game may not have any kind of ‘you’ve been spotted!’ mechanic, but it doesn’t really need one when you’re on a fairly strict timer and can’t waste time on enemies, let alone risk them hurting you.

You eventually find a Phazon Zero Suit, which is of course a black version with a distinct resemblance to one of Zero Suit Samus’ alternate costumes in the Smash Bros games. That’s a pretty clever allusion! Just don’t think too hard on why SR388′s dark doppleganger happens to have a Zero Suit that perfectly fits Samus. (Though, if we’re going there, one has to start questioning Samus’ power-ups in general, so is it really fair to hold this against this fangame?)

Anyway, this Phazon Zero Suit is not complete immunity. This makes narrative sense -for starters, Samus is still wandering around with her head exposed- and mechanically it’s used to lessen the urgency of your exploration of Dark Phazon SR388, not remove the threat of Phazon entirely. That’s pretty good design! It’s especially impressive when you consider that one of the wonky elements of Metroid Prime and especially Echoes is how your final suit upgrade is the mandatory removal of the omnipresent threat of the Hostile Environment. In Echoes’ case getting the Light Suit outright makes Dark Aether the safer place to be, since you still get to benefit from Light Crystals healing you! That’s exactly the sort of subtle problem I’d expect a fangame to faithfully recreate, not sidestep.

It is possible to eventually get a Phazon Suit that does render you completely immune to Phazon, but it’s a hidden, technically-optional bonus. I wouldn’t want to try to complete the game without it, but it is possible, at least in theory, and that makes a world of difference in the experience, especially if, like me, you actually end up not finding the Phazon Suit until you’re already through a fairly significant portion of Dark Phazon SR388.

On the topic of Samus’ actual Power Suit, this is a non-trivial misstep with the game. When you transition to the Zero Suit sequence, Samus makes an allusion to going to the ‘Golden Temple’. If you happen to regularly pause to look at your map and pay attention to map names, you’ll know that’s the Chozodia-esque place you had to pass through. If you don’t do one or the other of those things, you’re going to have to flail somewhat blindly.

Fortunately, while this is a misstep, the game is actually surprisingly careful in minimizing the damage. I actually ended up reloading a save after a bit of exploring regular SR388 when I managed to find my way back there as Zero Suit Samus, convinced I’d gotten myself into an unwinnable situation and the actual answer was back in Dark Phazon SR388, but it turned out that was unnecessary and my belief incorrect; the world is actually carefully constructed to funnel you toward the Golden Temple, with a particularly blatant example being a horizontal line of bombable tiles that seem to serve no purpose when first passing through in a Power Suit. (Unlike in Zero Mission, Zero Suit Samus can’t break bomb blocks in Between Worlds) This prevents you from haring off into completely the wrong area and potentially getting trapped.

It’s possible there is a way to get stuck permanently in this sequence, but it’s not nearly as relevant a concern as I’d have expected from a basically-one-person game.

Getting back the Power Suit of course involves a fight against the Zero Mission ghost statue mirror... thing... which is actually a pretty enjoyable fight! How you go about doing it is completely different from the Zero Mission fight, but once you’ve wrapped your head around the mechanics at work it’s an interesting twist on things. Certainly, it’s a lot less frustrating the Zero Mission’s version of the fight.

The rest of the game from there is largely focused on hunting down the myriad Metroids hidden in Dark Phazon SR388, with a few actually hidden away in regular SR388 in places you couldn’t previously access, but while the game would probably have benefited from somewhat reducing the sheer number of Metroids to kill, it starts making an effect to actually make different Metroids challenge you in different ways. Zetas that have spikes interrupting their floors, complicating the fight. Other Zetas where the ceiling is low, giving you less time to get under them to attack them. Etc. It’s all a bit primitive -it would’ve been nice to have some new attacks or other behavioral variation in later Metroids- but it’s reasonably functional all things considered.

Also, the game has a fair few non-Metroid bosses to fight. If you’re coming at it from Back On Zebes, you’re going to recognize several of them, with a cringe being merited for Kraid returning and still having his spikes slide right out from under you while you have no ground to stand on aside said spikes. Most of them are better-tuned now, though: I actually quite enjoyed fighting Phantoon in Between Worlds, for example, because his flight physics were a lot less janky. When he killed me, I came away feeling like the death was very much on me and I should refine my skills and understanding for next time, which is how a player should basically always feel when dying in a video game.

Ridley remains a timed aerial-only battle, but this time it’s fairly obvious the room is slowly getting smaller, instead of there being an explicit timer in one corner. It’s still a fight that makes it ridiculously obvious the game was tested first and foremost on a controller, and is still a great concept with a reasonably solid execution.

The endgame is also put together surprisingly well! It’s actually decently atmospheric. The final boss itself probably should’ve been tuned a bit differently, but overall Between Worlds manages to do a fairly good job of a Metroid-like largely-silent story being told through the game environment and so on.

If you’re looking for something as polished as, say, AM2R, you’re probably going to be disappointed, but all things considered... Between Worlds is actually a pretty good game in its own right, and I’m genuinely interested in seeing what the creator makes next, be it another Metroid fangame or something original using their engine.

See you next mission.

[animerunner]

This actually genuinely pisses me off as someone whose been in both fandoms.

For reference:

July 07: Deathly Hallows (the last book) released

Oct 07: Rowling first mentions Dumbledore is gay

As someone who read the books backwards and forwards growing up. There was never any real contextual clues that Dumbles was anything but straight.

Heck before this came out McGonagal/Dumbledore had a rather decent sized following. Lord knows how many fics with those two together I read.

There were definitely LGBT ships in the fandom, pretty popular ones too. But ones with Dumbledore? Practically unheard of in my experience. Though I know they were out there.

There was nothing distinctly to really give us any context that Dumbles might not be straight. And considering the time period and what we know about Rowling now. It makes sense.

It for all itense and purpose appeared to have been done just to earn brownie points. (Though it being 07 makes that a bit odd)

But it’s not like she hasn’t done stuff like this elsewhere. Making Hermione black was still a decision I’m almost certain was reaction pandering. Since most early descriptions have her described in passages as being pale white.

And to be clear I’m not invalidating anyone who says Harry or Hermione as a POC. How you think Hermione or Harry looks isn’t the issue.

Oh and then there’s the time Rowling tried to make the werewolf thing a metaphor for AIDS. Which considering how werewolves are usually viewed in the series...that’s a very bad metaphor and is just below the terf stuff in the ‘How the hell does she think doing that is okay?’

It’s Rowling who has always been more reactive then proactive. And this is another examples along with Dumbles.

Dana on the other hand:

16-17 starts creating Luz with the intent to be ND something she says herself in the interview

2020- Owl House S1 runs and many including myself pick up on the ADHD tendencies

NYE 2020 - Dana says in a Q & A that it wasn’t her intent for Luz to be ADHD she says how we view her as valid.

April 2021 - Dana now says that she believes Luz is ADHD after having done more research since the NYE Q&A.

There are two major differences here. 1) Timing. 2) Dana did actual research both first when creating Luz. And then when fans asked her about the possibility of her being ADHD. She changes her mind because she didn’t fully understand what it encompasses.

And you know I’ve seen people with ADHD not realize something isn’t part of it. So I buy Dana just genuinely didn’t know originally.

And there’s also the fact, ya know, the shows still going!!

Dana confirmed the contextual clues. While Rowling started pulling rep out of her ass.

Multiple times may I remind people.

Also coming from a disabled viewer I would love for this fandom. To not compare the show runner who has written in arguably two canonically disabled characters that they handled well. With the person who has been quoted as saying there is no such thing as a disability in the magical world.

Apparently there’s now a wheelchair user in a mobile game. But again see my whole thing about how Rowling is more reactive then proactive. And I’m guessing that the wc user came about due to some backlash at some point.

Which actually gets hilarious when you remember that Harry has glasses. Because needing corrective eyewear even if it doesn’t make you completely blind is still technically a form of disability.

Old link to the disability thing and she’s apparently changed her mind since. Which just proves my point. She isn’t proactive in her inclusion. She’s REACTIVE: https://marauders4evr.tumblr.com/post/107374030237/accio-representation-how-jk-rowling-secluded-a

Do not compare the person who has been inclusive since the beginning. To the person who only becomes so when under pressure.

DO NOT DO THAT.

Apparently people are unironically trying to say that Dana Terrace is pulling the same shit as J. K. Rowling, and I'm just wondering how many people I'm gonna have to fight.

[melien]

Eden Lee Tisdale for @socialjusticesimblr‘s Slaughter or Salvage BC

Over-Emotional / Good / Friendly / Natural Cook / Photographer’s Eye

Eden Lee, 23, is a cheerful and friendly person who’s always open to expand their horizons, yet in fact they’re full of insecurities, which they mostly prefer keeping to themself. However, deep inside Eden Lee is hoping to find this special person who they can share everything with, and who will accept and love them. That’s why Eden Lee decided to enter Lorelei Kessler’s bachelorette challenge, genuinely hoping she’s the one. Of course they’re a little bit nervous because of their hearing impairments, struggling with which (along with trying to find their place in society) often results into mental kind of disorders, but they believe Lorelei and other people in the house will be supportive and make them feel like they belong.

TOU: Don’t claim them as your own or reupload, don’t change their genetics and face features. You can change anything else in their look (hairstyle, makeup, clothes, your own defaults etc.). Tag me if you use them :)

CC: hair / blush #9 / pattern

Private download unless they’re eliminated.

Interview under the cut.

Universal Questions: Personal information! Age, gender identity, species, place of usual residence, etc. I'm Eden Lee (yeah, usually people call me by my double name), 23 years old. I identify as non-binary and use they/them pronouns. I'm a human, and came from Bridgeport, where I live in the suburbs with my family: parents and younger sister who’s sixteen. What are the specifics of your disability / disabilities? Is there anything we need to do in order to accommodate you and your needs fully? When I was fourteen, I had a really bad accident followed by serious head injury and lots of surgery, which resulted into hearing complications that I still continue to struggle with. I can slightly hear only some sounds very close to me, so I have to ask others to speak distinctly and preferably into my ear, if they don't know the sign language. The next year after the accident I entered high school, and this wasn't the best time. I always felt rejected because I genuinely tried to make friends, and some people just turned their backs and went away with obvious irritation whenever I politely asked to repeat something they said. I've been dealing with major depressive disorder since then which caused lots of self-hate and mood swings, and even though I feel it has become better lately, the symptoms still can kick in whenever I experience some kind of stress. So, I really hope people in the house will talk to me, notice me and be my friends. That’s all I ask for... not treating me as an empty space. No matter what, I still believe in humanity. I heard this challenge is a safe place for people with disabilities, so I'm optimistic. How would you describe yourself? How would your friends describe you? I'm just a regular person who tends to be too emotional and anxious at times, as well as too kind and indulgent, which isn't my best quality - I would give everything to become stronger and learn to stand my ground, because I’m quite easy to manipulate. I don't have a lot of friends, we communicate in sign language with those few I have. They usually say that I'm the most harmless and least selfish person in the world. That's good, right? But I take other people's problems very seriously, to the extent of them becoming my own burden, and always overthink, which isn't good for my mental health, so I guess I still have to learn to put myself first. I probably shouldn’t list only negative things... Sometimes, when I’m able to think clearly, I notice that I actually like myself in general. I can’t imagine being different, and I’m proud of who I am. Random bit of trivia about yourself, or your hobbies, or your romantic past My hobbies involve cooking and taking photos of the world - it's my huge inspiration and comfort whenever I start feeling down. I have a photography blog where I post my pictures, and my followers make me feel like I matter, they're seriously the sweetest. Hmmm, romantic past? I'll tell you the truth - I haven't really been with anyone. For long years I've had higher priorities than relationships, moreover constant hospital appointments took a lot of my time and powers. I had some crushes, but they were short-lived... Why did you enter this BC?* Are you nervous? What do you hope to attain? ... so I guess, it's time to regain what I missed and start looking for true love? Everyone deserves it. My demons kept telling me that I won't be good enough for someone, especially someone as great as Lorelei. But I perfectly understand it's not true. So yeah... of course I'm nervous, but it's a good kind of. I'll just try to act like I usually do, without thinking of competition and pressure. It's not the main point for me. Lorelei's feelings is what matters the most: if she likes me, I'll be really happy and grateful. If we're not meant to be, it's fine. But deep inside, of course, I hope for the first option. Lorelei Specific Questions: What are your thoughts on Lorelei herself? What made you decide to try to win her hand instead of Lyra’s? Both ladies are beautiful inside and out, they inspire me to be the better person and I admire them for starting this challenge - this is a truly great thing to do. However, I had to choose, and I felt like we have more in common with Lorelei. Just looking at her picture made me feel like she might become this awesome friend I never had, and we'll exchange support in our hardest times. I have a lot to learn from her. By the way, this strange feeling that I'll be safe by her side... that I made a right choice... is it just me? Never mind. What are your greatest fears? Oh, man... My greatest fear is that I'll waste my life. That I'll never accomplish anything great, or make a significant difference in this world. Honestly, I really want to help people with the same disabilities as me, I feel like it’s my mission. But I don't even know where to start... my mental issues haven't gone anywhere and I'm still struggling, so how can I help others when I'm a mess myself? Uh... Alright, I don't really want to tear up right now, because trust me, when I start crying, it lasts long. I’m an ugly crier, ha... Next question. What is your moral compass like? Do you believe in absolute good or absolute evil? I’m aware there can’t be absolute good or absolute evil: life isn’t just black or white. However, no matter what has happened to me before and almost made me lose my faith, I would like to believe every single person has got something good in them. How interested are you in music? It’s one of Lorelei’s on-off special interests, so you may need to be proficient in it to catch up. I love music! Before the accident I was pretty good in playing piano. Even though I'm partially deaf, I can hear music when I'm wearing my earphones and listen at maximum volume, and I'm really grateful to my medical care providers for not letting me stay completely deaf after the accident, because I wouldn't be able to survive without music. I like a lot of different genres, mostly easy-listening acoustic songs that help me relax. I also try to keep up with the trends and check the top chart positions every week. The only thing I strongly dislike is electronic music, as it is too heavy and gives me headache. If you lose, will you be able to cope? I won't lie, I'm quite sensitive and it's hard for me to deal with rejections, but it honestly depends on the circumstances, so I can't say anything exact for now. First of all I have to meet Lorelei and other contestants, and I can't wait to get started!

[westfallingforchaol]

Salaam! I’ve started to think that I should just stop apologizing for disappearing for weeks on end because I feel guilty, and then I end up making promises I can never keep, and it becomes a vicious cycle. So, no more apologies. Just that school started, and it’s already kicking my ass. Also, my laptop broke down- I have no clue what happened. One day, it just up and decided to become stupid, and I couldn’t use it for about a week and a half. That happened. But I got it back this afternoon, so I thought I’d start off by doing a much-needed January wrap-up.

Even though I wasn’t blogging much, January was a pretty decent reading month for me. I read a total of 8 books, which is good since I wasn’t reading anything at all the past couple of months. Quality-wise, you probably know how I am by now… it goes up and down. For the most part, the books I read ranged from good to pretty good, and that’s honestly all I can ask, ha. I did read something awful though, but more on that later.

Personal

So… guess who I met? If you don’t follow me on Twitter, you might be unaware of this but I met Zayn a week or so ago. I love him to death- I think he’s both an incredible artist and an incredible human being. I was never a One Direction fan, but I distinctly remember thinking that Zayn was super attractive and had a unique voice; when he went solo, I really began to pay attention to him. Almost a year after his album release, I still listen to his songs almost every single day. I’ve binge-watched interviews and videos and stalked his social media, and he’s such a humble, grounded, adorable person.

Meeting him was incredible. He was so gracious and lovely; when I was taking a photo with him, my hand was shaking out of nerves so he reached out and steadied my phone. He was so kind to all his fans… and just in case you’re wondering, yes, he’s just as attractive in real life. :)

I also saw one of my favorite bands live! I’ve seen Kings of Leon live once before back in 2014, and they’re so incredible that I couldn’t possibly miss their 2017 tour. Protip: there are two things you need to do in your life:

See a rock concert in Madison Square Garden

See Kings of Leon on tour

I won’t pretend like I’ve seen a ton of concerts, but I’ve been to a few big rock ones, and there’s something that sets Kings of Leon apart from the rest. They make sure their fans get their money’s worth of performances. They performed 28 songs. One after the other with minimal pauses in between- so energizing, so rapid-fire but so, so good. If you like even just a couple of their songs, I’d highly recommend seeing them live. Despite not being my favorite band of all-time (that crown goes to Linkin Park) I still prefer their concerts over anybody else’s.

On Choosing a Different Path for Myself

Some of you might know this already, but I’m studying Applied Psychology at NYU. I just started the second semester of my junior year, which means I’ll be graduating in just over a year- which is insane just to think about. But I’ve decided that I want to switch…

Well, not really “switch” per se, but do something more advanced. Which is medicine! Surprise, surprise. When I went to Los Angeles over the winter break, I had a talk with a couple of my relatives, both of whom are psychiatrists. By talking to them and their constant affirmations that I was born to go into medicine, I started thinking. What do I want from my life? What do I want out of my career? And you might judge me for this, and I know this is probably why I’ve been sorted into Slytherin my entire life- I want to be successful. I want to be rich, lol, and I want to work for the money I earn. I want to travel. I want a good house, and a nice car. I want to be able to give my parents the chance to retire and sit back and relax while I am able to fulfill their needs. I want to buy stuff without looking at the price-tag, and I want to be able to give to causes that I support without compromising my day-to-day actions for lack of finances.

But that’s not just it. I wanted to become a psychologist so I could help South Asian youth who suffer from mental illnesses and are stigmatized and dehumanized. And I can do that. I can do that if I become a psychiatrist. I can do something good all while making a decent life for myself and my family. It’s going to take many extra years, particularly because I’ll have to take an extra year after my undergraduate to fulfill my pre-med requirements. But that’s a cost I’m willing to pay, you know? It was a scary decision to make. I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’m still not sure I have the brains to get into med school, but you know. I’ll go down with everything I’ve got. It’s honestly a little terrifying, but I’ve enrolled for the first class that’ll help me get there, and I’m ready.

But that’s all I’m going to ramble about. You came here for a reading wrap-up, so here it is!

Reading Wrap-Up

Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon | 1.5 stars | Review

This rating may come as a surprise to many, but I really disliked this book – not because the technical aspects were bad, but because the themes were so offensive that it didn’t sit well with me. I was enjoying it at first; the fun additions of notes and charts and illustrations added character, and I was interested in the character’s experience with her disability. But then the love interest was introduced, which made the book extremely insta-lovey, and that was also when the ableist themes came into play. This book was one big message of: you can’t be happy and you can’t have a normal love-life if you have a disability. Which is wrong on so many levels and completely downplays the experiences of so many. I explain it better in my review, so if you’re interested in learning more, check that out!

Goodreads | Amazon

If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo | 3.5 stars | Review

I had high hopes for this book, and for the most part, it did not disappoint. The main character was immediately likable, and you fully empathized with her desire to move on from a traumatic event and to fit in with a new group of people. My favorite aspect of the book was definitely her topsy-turvy relationship with her father; the nuance and complexity of their dynamic definitely added an extra layer to the otherwise happy book. I also thought that the romance was incredibly cute, even though I thought it was a little insta-lovey. Also, let’s talk about how little attention is given to great female friendships in YA- if you’re looking for a good female-friendship dynamic, check this book out. Trigger warning for transphobia, depression, suicide attempt and outing.

Goodreads | Amazon

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire | 2.5 stars

I had very mixed feelings about this book; on one hand, I thought the world-building was incredible. Or rather, the potential for the world-building was incredible. Conceptually, the book was so strong, but I felt that a lot of the potential was wasted in execution. A ton of the world-building happens through dialogue rather than actual action. Which really bummed me out and kept me from enjoying the book. The characters fell flat for me too. I did, however, really enjoy the balance between whimsy and dark; I thought the plot was brilliant, and had it been carried out better, it would’ve definitely gotten a higher rating from me. Look out for my full review!

Goodreads | Amazon

Not If I See You First by Eric Lindstrom | 4 stars

This was perhaps my favorite book of the month, which was a surprise because I didn’t know what to expect when I went into it. I’ve only ever read one other book with a blind protagonist, and this one was completely different in tone from that one. I was wary at first because the protagonist is so bitter and mean and sarcastic, and I approached it with caution because it seemed to give off the vibe that she was that way because she lost her sight. But as the story progressed, as the main character developed and grew through relationships and interactions with the people around her, as she learned more about her past and her life and came to terms with her vulnerabilities, the beauty of the book came to light. It was truly a beautiful book, and another one with really amazing female friendships. Definitely a must-read! And look out for my review!

Goodreads | Amazon

The Young Elites & The Rose Society by Marie Lu | 3.5 stars each

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So, I know I’m late to the game, and I know everyone and their mother loves this series- and I understand why. Even though I didn’t give either book a great rating, I really enjoyed them both and am definitely looking forward to the finale. I think what makes this series stand out so starkly amongst its peers is the fact that it’s basically a villain’s coming-to-power story and then I’m guessing her subsequent downfall. I love the complexity of Adelina’s character; I enjoy how you empathize with her but also constantly criticize her choices because she’s going too far. I love the world-building, and the writing’s solid. I sometimes feel that the secondary characters feel flat, and also that Adelina’s still too likable to be called a villain. I want to see her pushed further so I can fully give her the label of villain, because I don’t think she’s there yet. Which was my main gripe with the second book. I won’t be doing an individual review for each book, but I’ll do a joint review for the trilogy!

Goodreads | Amazon

The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace (ARC) | 3.5 stars

I don’t read a ton of poetry, but I picked this one up because I’m mutuals with the author on Twitter, and it won an award, and it’s been getting a ton of hype. It’s basically word porn. I think a lot of the poems in this are incredibly relatable; it covers topics like mental health, body image, family dynamics, loss and death, abusive relationships, moving on, self-love, feminism and strength. A lot of the values I hold myself were reflected in this, and Lovelace definitely has a way with weaving words together so that they say a lot in very few characters. I enjoyed the first two parts of the book much, much more than the last one- which I felt was a little dragged and didn’t fit in with the tone of the other parts. But if you’re looking to get into poetry and aren’t sure where to start, check this out.

Goodreads | Amazon

Life in a Fishbowl (ARC) by Len Vlahos | 3 stars

Okay, so let me preface this by saying that the premise of this book is very misleading. The reality television aspect of it doesn’t come into play until well past the 30 or 40% mark- and believe it or not, I was really, really enjoying the book before the TV part was introduced. Definitely the strongest feature of the book is the writing. Vlahos is incredibly gifted; he’s clearly honed and polished his voice to perfection. It’s snarky, it’s intelligent, it’s satirical and hilarious and also surprisingly simple. Just reading his words made the experience delightful. His decision to tell the story from approximately eight perspectives was a gutsy move, but he pulled it off. The relationships, the themes were all spot on. It’s just that the storyline began to drag after the 60% mark, and the characters didn’t undergo any development, which I would have really liked to see. Even so, this was such a fun, fast-paced book, and I’d recommend it to anyone. Full review to come!

Goodreads | Amazon

Blogging

So, I’ve talked a little already about how I basically failed at blogging this month- I’ve never been so far behind my reviews. Because blogging sucked so much, I’m not going to do a post-to-post wrap-up like I usually do. But I’ll just leave a link to the Diversity Bingo 2017 event that I, and a few other friends are hosting. It’s basically a year-long reading event where you need to read 36 books that fit into a bingo sheet, each fulfilling a facet of diversity. You can find more information (and my TBR) here.

I also compiled a list of the diverse books releasing between January and June of this year. I know that I could have really used a masterlist, and in compiling it, I introduced myself to so many awesome-sounding books. If you’d like to check it out (and share, if you can please!), you can do so right over here.

The last post I’ll feature is my top 10 books of 2016. If you’re interested in seeing what the standouts of last year were, you can check them out here.

Also, I’m making a massive change to the blog- something that I think is important for my sanity, ha. I’m getting a co-blogger! I’ve already spoken to someone about it; she’s a friend that I got to know over Twitter. She’s incredible- kind, open-minded, thoughtful and just super wonderful in general. I’m not going to announce who exactly it is just yet- we’ll do that together when she writes her introduction post and she can officially be integrated into the website. Which also means that a URL change is in order. I can’t have a co-blogger and keep it my name. I’ll purchase the bookshelvesandpaperbacks.com domain soon, so just a heads up!

What I’ve Been Watching and Listening To

So, y’all probably know by now that A Series of Unfortunate Events was released on Netflix, which I binge-watched and freaked out over. The books were such an integral part of my childhood, and it felt so wonderful to revisit the characters and the story. The show stays so true to the books- from the narration to the sets to the whimsical, weird, magical-realism-type tone, everything feels like home. The casting is spot-on. I love Neil Patrick Harris as Count Olaf, and it took me some time to warm up to the children, but I love them all dearly now. Go check the trailer out:

As for music, I’m going to be fully basic and just talk about Zayn a lot more, ha. I barely listened to anything except for his new track with Taylor Swift. I really don’t like her, guys. The fact that the song is the soundtrack for Fifty Shades Darker really doesn’t help, but come on, it’s Zayn. I had to give it a try- and I haven’t stopped listening to it since. I’ve often wanted a version where it was just him singing, and guess what- yesterday, he dropped an acoustic version where it’s just him and a guitar. It’s honestly heaven-sent, and even though it was released in February, I couldn’t go without including it here. Check it out- it almost seems like a completely different song, and I haven’t listened to the original since!

So that’s it for last month’s wrap-up. I know, I had a lot to talk about- it was a busy month and a lot was happening in life. Kudos to you if you made it this far into the post. Let me know in the comments below what your month was like? As always, thanks for stopping by and happy reading!

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Wrap Up | January ’17 Salaam! I've started to think that I should just stop apologizing for disappearing for weeks on end because I feel guilty, and then I end up making promises I can never keep, and it becomes a vicious cycle.