#their deaths would probably be comfortable anyway
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Some of the different phases in Åse's life.
3-6 Like most are at that age he's a curious but shy kid. He has at that point started to pick up on how a lot of people seem to dislike him but he doesn't know why. His mom and grandparents try to shield him from most of it but he still gets teased and bullied by a lot of the other kids though since he was so little at that point he couldn't do much about it. (theme)
6-9 This is the point he gets big enough to actually defend herself. This period is marked by a lot of visits from angry neighbors about whatever new fight he had gotten into with their kids. His mom usually didn't punish him for this though as even she knew nine times out of ten he was just defending himself. And while he didn't actively start exploring her gender identity until after she moved to America, she did start asking a lot of question about why certain things were only for boys or girls, like having short hair. He ended up cutting it himself after getting into an argument with his mom about it and it was mostly a decision made out of spite and just to see what would happen. (theme)
9-14 When he came into his preteens he had proven to be more trouble that he was worth so most left him alone at this point and just judged him from a distance. She also started making her own clothes and expressing herself though her fashion, taking a lot of inspiration from the fairy tale illustration in her favorite books. She also made her closest childhood friend when she was nine. And maybe she also wanted to look lovingly into her eyes and kiss her but all girls want to do that with their friends right? They stayed friends up until Åse had to move which was also her first heartbreak. (theme)
14-18 Maybe the worst part of her life if you asked her, not that she really want to talk about it anyway. Moving took a big toll on her and after a falling out with her mom she ran away from home. She fell in with a bad person who was very controlling and made her dress more to his liking than what she actually felt comfortable in. She wore a lot of dark colors and she felt and looked the least like herself. (theme)
18-19 After some questionable decisions and a short incarceration she officially became a fugitive from the law and thus started traveling west to escape the heat. He presented fully male at this point as well as starting to bind his chest. Traveling was ok enough and in some ways he got to fulfill a childhood dream of traveling the country. But the stress of not having a stable and safe place to sleep at night and not knowing if one bad run in with a cop could land her back in jail took a toll on her. So did all the back alley fighting matches he took part in to make money, its a miracle he still has all his teeth. (theme)
19-21 after getting scouted at a match in st Louis a subordinate of Atlas got him in touch with her and he offered her a job, to which she agreed. She was a bit of an outsider at first but eventually found her footing. He kept presenting male but did open up about his assigned gender to a few people. (theme)
21-22 while she wasn't all that close to Atlas his death still affected her through the shock waves it sent though the Lackadaisy. She might be the person with the most reason to pack up and leave other than maybe Horatio. Still she stays, because even if he doesn't want admit it she cares about these people. It took me a few tries to land on his default design but I feel he started to come together when I gave him the neckerchief. Its kind of a signature item and I try to include it in most of his designs now. He inherited it from his mom and thus didn't have it as a child. It kind of represent him stepping into being an independent adult. While the general style and length of his hair has stayed the same how I draw it is something I have and still struggle with. This is probably the closest Ive come to being happy with it. I struggled similarly with her pants as well for some reason. They have ended up looking more like bell bottoms than suit pants which isn't all that historically accurate but its ultimately what I think looks best. (theme)
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"I said
Silence.
I warned you, If you won't stop, I would do it myself."
Francis wasn't done with him. Not yet anyway. But he would make him obedient. Wordlessly taking orders like a machine. No more back talk. He would make him perfect. At least… that is....Until Logan shows up.
Chapter 3.
Brand New City
Cw: Dead Dove, Mentions of Rape, Kidnapping, Straight up torture, Various cruel and unusual punishments, Blood, Murder, Feral behavior, Descriptions of pain and wounds, Voices, Hallucinations, Extreme hurt/comfort, Angst, Loss of healing factor, loss of voice- Permanently(!), Character death.
You may experiance lots of crying.
He would hum if he could. Hum along to the electricity he could hear from the light above him. Make a song out of it. Harmonize with the screams.
But he couldn't even do that.
Opening the door was none other then the man who prevented him from ever doing that again. His head lowers on instinct, trying to get a better look through the sweat running down his forehead. He would have loved to explain to the reader how this place stunk. It SHOULD have smelled like rotting flesh, agony, and B.o. But it smelled of nothing.
Nothing at all.
He couldn't even taste the blood in his mouth.
The man in front of him smirked, too smugly for his liking. Clapping his hands together he stood about 2 feet from his chair, rubbing them together as he smiled bigger than the Joker at his batman themed birthday party.
“So. How's your recovery coming? Hopefully the boys weren't too rough with you.” He states, looking down on him like Johnathan Groff as King George did on John Adams. “You know how they can be. You know the saying, Boys will be boys.”
The comment was direct. It hurt. It hurt because he knew that his goons were in fact too rough with him. He knew he wouldn't give a rat's ass if they didn't feed him, punched him, kicked him. He didn't care if they held him down, beat him until he couldn't move any longer, coughed blood in their face or if they had their way with him until they became bored.. and it hurt.
Oh, did it hurt...
Still did..
Look, Wade could take a lot, he was already mentally snapped. So for them to take away that last bit of sanity he held? It was simply cruel. Like hanging a bone to a starving dog JUST out of reach no matter how far it jumps and snaps, always failing, eventually giving up, laying down, and accepting its fate of permanent malnutrition to the point of death. Accepting that by fighting it was only moving up their appointment with her.
With Death.
Wade felt like dying after what they've done to him. He knew he thought about it a lot but… He's never wanted to see her more than now. She would kiss him better.. she would take away his pain.
He was sure that his brain was rotting in places it wasn't before, the flesh of his mind decomposing, hot with dehydration and.. what was he talking about? Oh my god was he STILL talking? For fuck sakes.
Glancing up, Francis was still going on about something. Probably something stupid. Why did mad scientists always gloat to their victims?
He wondered how long he was going to let him rot like this. His limbs were already so numb, so heavy and felt like gravity was close to ripping them off with no help at all. It hurt.
That's all he could keep thinking.
It hurts.
What exactly? Well… Everything. Mainly his throat. God did his throat hurt. It throbbed, was sticky, bloody, and raw. His spine hurt, his toes hurt, his jaw hurt, his fingers felt so numb that he wasn't even sure if they were still attached. The soreness alone was killing him. Whatever he did to him? Wade felt like he enhanced his pain receptors. Taking them from a 15 to a 150.
It hurt so badly to breathe, each breath making his chest shake, rise and fall, trembling. This only enhanced, the sharp pain running through his heavy cheek, flinching as he was slapped.
“What's my name?”
Glancing up at him, Wade was more then confused. His body was falling into pieces and THAT'S what he cared about!? What's worse is he knew that he couldn't answer him. He was physically incapable of it.
“I said ‘What's my name?!” He screams at him, leaning in close, staring as Wade glared daggers at him, his mind already thinking of millions of ways to kill him.
If only he had the strength to fight..
Leaning in, Francis smirked that sick bastard of a smile, putting his hand to his ear. “Sorry, What was that? I don't think I heard you correctly, could you repeat that?”
About 5 full seconds pass before his grin gets widder, breathing out as he stands again, sighing in relief.
“Finally… Silence. What did I tell you? I warned you that If you won't stop, I would have to do it myself.”
He flicks Wade in the nose almost playfully. Wade, who, if it wasn't for the tape wrapped around his head to the point breathing through his mouth wasn’t an option- would have bitten his finger clean off.
Francis punches him. Hard. He breathed heavily through his nose, heaving and trying to groan out but nothing came out. Nothing ever came out anymore..
He laughs, smiling. Wade could count all of his teeth if his eye wasn't starting to swell up. Grabbing his face, tears forced themselves out of his eyes and down his cheek. Pulling him close, Francis put their heads together. “Oh, Look at you. So pretty when you cry.. are those for me? Hm? Ooh yes, Show me those big scared eyes. You aren't so full of quips now, are you?”
His hand reaches down, cranking up the collar around his neck, watching Wade's body shake. Not from fear but because his body was physically struggling to stay upright. He would have already flopped over if his arms and legs weren't chained, making him only slouch instead of fall to the floor.
“Let's be honest, you look better with your mouth shut anyway.”
Looking at him, he was confused. So confused. What was wrong with this guy? What kind of game is this? If Wade's voices didn't agree with him he would have claimed that Francis lost it far more than he did.
He pulls away, trailing a finger from the collar, going up his throat and across his jaw. “So let's make you gorgeous, huh? So… What's my name?”
Wade's eyes widen, his pupils, for once, shrinking. He squeezes his legs further together, trying to turn away only to flick him off with his untied finger, his wrists tied to the chair arms.
Francis slams a fist down on the finger, snapping it back as Wade jolts, silently screaming, huffing, beginning to hyperventilate and struggle against the chair best he could.
FffffUCK that hurt! He didn't remember such little fingers ever hurting that badly. Did it always burt that bad? Jesus christ! He needed out. He needed to escape. But he's already tried all his tricks. It only got him hurt more.
Again he hits him, slapping him with the back of his hand hard enough to bust his lip through the tape. The crimson that flooded his mouth made him flinch, gritting his teeth as he swallowed. It was agonizing. Each movement of his throat muscles was worse and worse, seeming almost paralyzed.
“Where do you think you'll go? Huh? You ain't going anywhere! And now look at what you've made me do!” He shouts, as Wade's head leans back, looking at him through his blonde eyelashes, exhausted, the vein they had in his arm pumping out what blood he was replenishing itself at snail speeds.
“You've made me ruin one of my best works yet… but that's okay. All good bitches break eventually. And then you'll be finally useful. The perfect soldier.”
What was it with people and the perfect soldier thing? Didn't the Winter Soldier already have this arc?? And didn't he already try to make him perfect in the first movie? God the writers are really getting lazy aren't they.. His eyes roll, and again he's hit, the sting running up his jaw and across his cheek, feeling the burn in his nose as it begins bleeding heavier.
“But no, you couldn't behave! So now you're going to die, alone, sitting in your own piss. What? Like anyone would actually come to save you?” he laughs. “You actually believe that? That anyone would actually care about you? You're disgusting. Fake skin and all, I know who you are underneath it all.”
Francis grabs his wrists, leaning forward. “Even your own mother couldn't love a face like that. Could she?”
‘He was probably right’, Wade thinks, feeling himself slipping away. His blood felt as if it were pouring out of him like a barrel of whiskey with holes shot through it.. Why didn't Francis just kill him already? He could easily shoot him. Get rid of him like the nasty scum he was.. but he didn't. He nee-
His mind switches to something else mid sentence in his head. A different voice taking over.
Whiskey… the smell of it stained on Logan's sweatshirts used to be the only thing that kept him sane, But now? It hurt too much to think about. It hurts too much to think about his loss. To think he would never smell that again...
If he thought about it anymore? Well, his heart was already about to die.. might as well go out thinking about that muscley hunk of Canadian. How gently he held him. How hot it was when he protected puppins from big dogs at the dog park or braided Laura's hair… how he loved him.
Truely.. loved him..
‘Never again, I fear’, Wade thinks and believes it brokenheartedly.
“Are you even listening to m-”
wwwwWWWOOOO
His head snapped towards the door, picking up a com as he clicked the button, walking away from Wade. Thank god. He was starting to worry that he'd kiss him. Ewww. He would never kiss someone named ‘francis’ or ‘ajax’ for that matter. Wade didn't like soap in his mouth.
“Turn that off! Now! What did I tell you morons abo-” There was shouting on the other end of the line before a scream. Something along the lines of ‘He's here’
“Who!? Who's here?- Doesn't matter. Shut the whole place down! Hello? God damn it-” he switched a line, the loud blaring of the alarm drowning him out. “Angel! What's going on up there? Hello!?? Why the fuck do I even pay you guys? For what?”
On the other line, there was shuffling, boots, shouting, “Find him!-”
The look on Francis’ face was golden. His little slave trade was getting busted. And Wade was physically chained to his seat to watch, death glaring daggers at him with the smallest, smuggest smirk under his tape, breathing through his nose heavily.
“This isn't over yet. Don't you even dare think I'm finished here! You Will obey me!”
The moment he ran out of the room to go save his research (or possibly abandon it), A rumble came from the wall.
Claws.
What? No. He was hallucinating again. His mind was so cruel to him now. Starved, dehydrated and exhausted, mentally physically and emotionally, you name it.
Leaning his head back against the chair, he sighs, watching as an imaginary Wolverine came through the wall, panting, snarling, feral. Like an animal hunting its prey.
The amount of dust and mold that came from the wall was enough to make him cough, and in an instant, Logan was at his side, tearing through the chains.
Damn.. He'd have to give the imagination team some props upstairs. This seemed way too real. The way the red lights flashed over his eyes made him look so pissed, his frantic worry in those blue eyes, the struggle in his voice to keep from crying as his nose twitched. He was sniffing him...he didn't recognize him…
His mouth opened to mutter something.
What was he saying? ‘Oh- hey! Stop shaking me!’ Is what he wanted to say, only to realize that.. Hallucinations couldn't touch you.
His eyes widened, He had given up on being pretty but if that was the truth he wouldn't know how to survive. But he was anything but pretty right now, snot, tears, blood and piss covering him.
It was now that Logan yelled something, Directing some agents or.. police? It was hard to tell when He felt like the ground was trying to drag him down, gravity taking hold of him as he slouched over in the chair, still in too much pain to support himself.
“I need a code, Get me a collar code, NOW!” he read his lips, though, he could have Said “I saw an old get me a dollar cod now” but that didn't make much sense, Wade thought. Then again he wasn't thinking much at all right now.
When Logan finally ripped off both collars and all of the wiring/tubing, he looked like he would puke at the sight of him. Pushing his shoulders up against the back of the chair, his hands shaking, covered in blood and sweat, tears flooding his eyes.
Aw.. he didn't like seeing Logan cry. He was saying so many things, shouting at him angrily, hurt. Those big Atlantic eyes becoming a true ocean. A soft smile came to his bruised and busted lips, staring at him so fondly, sympathetic. He missed Logan.. he missed him so much that his eyes stung just from seeing him. His love was so heavy, weights he could never escape in a room full of quicksand.
Wade opens his mouth but nothing comes out.
“Wade! Answer me! What did you take? What did he give you!? Honey, look at me! Please! Tell me, tell me anything! Wade!-” he shakes him again.
“Tell me what you took, Wade look at me, Tell me what'd you take? Wilson!.. please.. talk to me. Answer me, Wade!” He shouts.
He flinches. Hard.
“Oh… sweetheart....What did he do to you..?” His voice cracks, bringing a hand up to caress his cheek but Wade's hand comes up to hit it away, trying to instinctively turn away into the chair, hiding. He looked so.. terrified. Like he didn't know who he was.
Something about this sends Logan into a rage, growling loudly and snarling towards the door where he ran off. He stands, hairs on his body raised, eyes glazed over with blind hatred.
Just before he runs to shred the man who did this to his husband, He grabs him.
Shaking from weakness and fear, in that chair sat a man he barely knew, eyes as blue as his own, blonde hair growing to look like a buzz cut. So thin. So weak. His neck was burned, his nose was bleeding down his chin, his lip joining in, his black eye almost swollen shut, deep yellow and purple bruising on his rib cage, hand prints on his throat, internal bleeding in his gut. He could tell by the smell of him. That and the massive pooling that shown on his stomach.
His fingers were gripping on Logan's shirt, and tight from the looks of it.
As tight as his remaining strength would let him.
The pleading look in his eye's begged him not to go. Begged him never to leave his side ever again. Such big eyes.. such desperation.. so much pain.
Grunting, Logan points to the door. “DON'T let him get away or I'm coming after YOU!” he growls, watching as all of the remaining soldiers run out the room, leaving Logan with Wade. And Wade with Logan.
No one else mattered now.
Sitting in front of him, Logan held his hands, suddenly panicking. “Wade!” He shouted, squeezing his hand. It was cold.
Where were they? Alaska? Canada? No.. not Canada. If this was Canada he would have to move to a new city and teach himself how to die, how to bury a memory as his life was burying his own with each passing moment.
“Wade? Stay with me. Come on, Just be strong a little longer! Please- You can't leave me again!!” He shouts at the top of his water filled lungs, but Wade can't see anything. He couldn't feel anything either except the cold concrete against his naked stomach as everything disappears.
Heh… funny.. the one time God answered his prayers… When he said he wished he could see Logan again before he died, he didn't mean this.
As did everyone eventually.. as Logan was destined to.
This wasn't how he wanted to go out but.. he was pretty sure that Fate had lost her patience with him.
And so.. that's it... that's the final bell. Close the curtains.. roll the credits.. This movie's over. No post credit scene.
Just…
The End
#silence au#chapter 3#ajax#francis freeman#brand new city#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool 3#deadclaws#deadpool movie#deadpool marvel#deadpool comics#slight jaxpool#gross#please read#took me a while#suffer <3#:)
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I've kept this to myself for years since at that time I was sort of GA when it came to 9-1-1 (only rewatched clips on YouTube and looked up when the next season would air, maybe read an interview if google recommended it) but now that I'm in fandom spaces is harder not to think about it.
I USED to ship buddie and it wasn't until the end of season 4 that I stopped.
And I mostly did stop because of an interview (don't remember if it was ryan's or oliver's but from what I remember probably ryan) where one of them said something along the lines of not being comfortable with actually playing buddie and that just, clicked something in my brain, and I just decided “Hey, he doesn't want to so I don't think I actually want to see it happen if it means that”
Was I sad at first? Yes, but then it became much easier to not care and eventually I got to see how the unhinged ones were like, especially in youtube comments sections where I got my main source of bestie content.
I'm still baffled at how they can't seem to let go? Like, yeah sure you can ship it regardless no one's policing that, but twisting every word that comes out of the actor's mouths ESPECIALLY ryan's? Or sending death threats? yeah no that just pisses me off.
Anyways, sorry for the long ass ask, this just has been bothering me for way too long.
– former ga anon
Glad you felt good to let it out! ❤️
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This is not the first time they had had to carry Hel. But it was the first they had to carry someone else. Ganglati watched his sister pick Hel up with a considerable ease given their similar size. Having picked her up himself, Ganglati was unsurprised. Some medium sized toddlers weighed as much as Hel on a good day. And it wasn't a good day.
He grunted as he picked up the larger of the two bodies off the floor. It would have been easier if they weren't reaching out to touch each other the entire time but.. he wasn't about to deny them that comfort. Not after all that had transpired.
They moved in a tenuous silence through the firelit halls of Éljúðnir. Hel kept her fingers tight on the fabric of Lucifer's shirt. But it was her eyes that worried her tardy walkers. She couldn't keep them open.
Ganglati did his best to put Lucifer on the bed careful but he was not made for strength and his arms already ached. He dropped him just a little bit. Ganglöt had no such issue, carefully depositing Hel down and lovingly brushing the hair from her face.
Their eyes met briefly and though she spoke no word of thanks, Ganglöt understood the gratitude. The twins, still wordless, bowed their heads and departed.
By now, Lucifer probably understood that they were speaking. There had been exchange. The little touches and stares were not without conversation. He simply wasn't privvy to it.
Hel lacked the ability to move closer, thankful he was of that mind anyway. She leaned her head heavy against his shoulder as his wings came down like a death shroud. She felt fairly close. Death isn't hers to claim, but paralysis magic wasn't too dissimilar.
Her brows wrinkled against his collar, "I hate him sometimes." She admitted in a whisper.
They had not been parted in any real way but his kiss felt like a coming home. The embrace of a love when you've been too long away. Her body still numb and heavy, at least felt warm. She always felt warm with him.
Her heated blanket in the depths of Yggdrasil's coldest realm.
She didn't respond to most of what he said. Hadn't the energy or truthfully, even the focus. Her thoughts were murky. Like clouds of yuck in what should be pristine water.
It was only by chance she looked up at him, heard him when he spoke the most important words one can ever utter. If she were upright, if she were okay, she would have gasped. Instead she softly exhaled and moved to bap his collarbone with her forehead.
"When I can move again.." She had to pause and catch her breath.
She caught a little snooze instead..
A most happy smile on her lips.
When the coast was clear, the tardy walkers, faithful servants, and steadfast companions arrived to collect their Queen and her companion. Together, they would guide them to a place where they could rest, tend to their wounds, and finally sleep. Yet Lucifer clung to her as a castaway clings to the rocks that save him from the fury of the current and crashing waves. She was his safe haven, his sanctuary. His wings cocooned her in a protective shroud—the only shield he could offer, and he gave it without hesitation, freely and completely.
"Rest," he urged softly, his voice thinly veiled with forced levity. "It’s all part of the plan. People love an underdog story, don’t they?" He tried to lighten the weight of the moment, to ease her mind with humor. But the truth hovered between them, unspoken yet understood. He wasn’t an underdog—not really. She knew it, and he knew she knew.
As they lay together, time seemed to hold its breath. The room faded away until it was just the two of them, wrapped in a fragile bubble of solace. Gently, he pressed a kiss to her hairline, lingering there as though the gesture could anchor him. "But you’re safe," he whispered, his voice cracking despite his best efforts. "And that’s all that matters. You’re coming back to me."
When her eyes finally met his, his eyes carried the weight of everything unsaid. And at that moment, he did what he should have done long before—what words should have been conveyed instead of reckless deeds and defiance against Odin.
"I love you," he breathed, the admission raw and unguarded, his voice steady now, though his heart was anything but.
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Everyone shut up about toxic yaoi, nothing you write about will ever be HALF as insane as what Walter White and Jesse Pinkman had going on.
The world’s most toxic codependent relationship has already been written and it involves a man destroying everything his surrogate son figure holds dear to maintain his psychological grip on him. Walt did everything in his power to break Jesse just to get to keep him at the end of the day. He chose to let Jesse’s girlfriend die and then held him and comforted him through the grief. He risked his life to save Jesse’s and then used that as leverage to manipulate him into becoming a killer. He berates and lies to and abuses Jesse but in the quiet moments you realize he loves Jesse. Jesse is family, and Walt would do anything for his family. He despises Jesse but he loves him as a son. He’ll ruin Jesse’s life and then put his own on the line to save it. They try to kill each other but they can’t live without one another. And in the end Walt succeeded! Jesse will never be free of Walt’s shadow for as long as he lives. CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME WHY ARENT WE TALKING ABOUT THIS
#going insaneeeeeee because in his twisted fucking way Walt loved Jesse#he’d do anything for his family and despite it all jesse was family#like Walt letting Jane who jesse loved more than anything die and then comforting Jesse through his grief! insane!!!!#talking about him as a son with Janes father#and then letting Jane die moments later#insane!!!!!!!!!#saving Jesse from the guys who killed Tomas even knowing it would probably be his death!!!!!!#and the. manipulating Jesse into killing gale#begging gus for his and Jesse’s lives in the box cutter scene#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THOS#I just#AAAAAA#lea talks#lea off topic tag#anyways I fucking despise Walter white skylar deserved to gut him like a fish
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i'm sorry, this has nothing to do with sp or my fics, but i just need y'all to know that i accidentally liked too many posts about death note on here bc i was rewatching it and now my tumblr dash is all fucked up
#nina speaks#like no sp#no writer girl stuff#just death note#also yes its my comfort anime no i dont want to hear it#i am a femcel maidenless girlfail red flag but let me live#the L shrine wall in my old apartment was...Frightening#but no this is so funny how do i fix this#i was watching it yesterday and looking stuff up#and now lsdkhkdsfhldfh yes i need to go to jail#i fear jersey would not need the death note#he is the death note bitch#ravenstan would be like WOAH SICK NOTEBOOK#and accidentally kill someone or his handwriting would be so illegible that no one would die actually i am crying#im gonna be honest why is ravenstan a little misa misa coded#in his lil slut-tee gothic emo boy outfits w/ the blonde hair#which makes sense bc kenny is giving shinigami energies anyways and is always looking out for him...LISTEN#the mackeys lackeys crew could crack the kira case i bet#i'm done now this was self indulgent n embarrassing nina lore but its true and if ur wondering why i'm not answering later#i am probably watching dn...so sorry everyone
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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putting on mtt offical themes and fanmade theme songs and group songs when i sleep all so when i fall asleep and dream i can see them and see what theyll be like and then i wont have to think of them 24/7 through my day when i can just think of them during night. this possibility could either end up in me getting killed by them so gruesomely that i wake up traumatized or i wake up happy and satisfied from a restful night of trio dream time
#least deranged murder time trio fan#everyday i whisper to the world. make the murder time trio real please#it would absolutely be terrible for me. it would be bad for EVERYONE#but i just NEED to see them#i NEED to see what they would look like. sound like. interact with eachother#i unironically do this like every other night accidentally. bc i listen to their themes a lot#so when i put on loop and then get eepy i dont have energy to turn loop off. and its lowkey relaxing#you wouldnt expect someone to fall asleep to fucking red megalovania but I DO. I DO.#it hasnt worked yet to my disarray. i dream almost every night and not once has the mtt appeared in my sleep#CMON NIGHTMARE PUT THEM IN MY WILLING MIND. IDC IF YOU MAKE THE DREAM NEGATIVE#lowkey questionnaire is genuinely so peaceful to sleep to. its nice and quiet so you get the comfort of horror sans but also can sleep#makes me feel like im right there man.... dressed in a ragged purple dress and a missing arm..... looking at the axe about to kill me#anyways UGH i say this every othe week but i need the mtt to kill me. i know theyd do it quickly too#they wouldnt care enough about me to put me through torture and suffering thankfully. so they could be the angels i already praise them as#also if i have one wish in life its to see the trio bickering and laughing over my dead body as i bleed out#or is that my death wish. either one man i just really like them a tad#my friend and i have watched up to 0.3 pt 2 of underverse ‼️‼️‼️ shes about to get to 0.4#i cant WAIT to see her reaction when ink betrays everyone. she really likes ink so far. shes an ink fan#it KILLS me (haha PUN) to try and hold back on spoilers but i must#anyways soon shell get to see killer's first appearance in underverse im gonna hype him up so much#she also hates nightmare. probably because i told her once that i wrote him killing a cat. but also she just thinks hes an ass#i was like hes serving his purpose thats exactly what he wants. he WANTS you to hate him..... youre just feeding him your negative energy#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au#eepy.... feel eepy...... its late. spent time outside today surprisingly
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and death shall have no dominion by dylan thomas
And Death Shall Have No Dominion
By Dylan Thomas, 1914 - 1953
And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.
#answering asks#anonymous#dylan thomas#and death shall have no dominion#my favorite poem by dylan thomas is probably Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night#but this one is also very solid#a lot of death speech for mr. thomas#this one feels a lot more... hmmm#pessimistic? than Do Not Go Gently?#pessimistic isnt quite right#Death Shall Have No Dominion seems to say 'Death will not have power when it arrives'#when we die we are but dust#and dust doesnt fear death#why would it? it is dust#it feels very much like it is trying to bring comfort with the thought that#when the world ends when the stars fade when the sun goes out when lovers die when everything is gone#death will have no power#there will be nothing#interesting thought mr. thomas#anyway hello random poetry anon#why did you send me this?#it is a very good poem but i am curious
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i'm obsessively checking my email in the hope that a fanfic i'm really obsessed with is finally updated and i think i'm slowly going insane
#im scared because like all of that fic so far has been hurt&very little comfort and i kinda doubt that the author is gonna change that up#any time soon#and im even more scared that it might get a main character death tag added#wich as far as i know would make sense in the canon of the story (i never played cod and i dont think ill start now i just read the wiki)#but i desperately need these characters to get something closesly resembeling a happy ending#a not dead ending is already great enough and also probably the best you can get out of this#i read in his own image and sex at frigid temperature multiple times i should be used to my blorbos not getting anything even#close to happiness#idk how to write that#the english exam tomorrow is gonna be fun#at least i now know the plot of mac beth#anyways idk maybe moth (the author whos writing is currently killing me) is from california and they have like the entire day left and#its just timezone fuckery#it probably is that#but i need that new chapter#desperately#stuff#text#fanfic
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kind of wish my way of coping with morbid things wasn't to expose myself to them until I become desensitised lol
#saw an iceberg for deaths caught on camera and was like. wow there is a LOT of information to look into and take in and none of it#is going to be nice. maybe i should leave and forget I've ever seen this#but no like obviously now i have no choice but to read in depth about every single death on there#bc i know if i ignore it i'll be thinking about it for longer#this was like with threads bc when i first heard a bit about it i was like. that sounds horrible. and i have a dissertation due in a few#weeks so like. i do Not need this on my mind right now#but that didn't do anything so in the end i had to watch it to get it out of my system#and then i guess it sort of worked bc?? now me and threads are besties#fav comfort film of all time. would recommend to everyone#okay not that. but genuinely i forget how bad i felt when i first read about it and now i think about scenes from it like 😐#is that healthy. probably not. anyway#also at the start of this year i was obsessed with kaylea titford's death and then not long after that shafilea ahmed's as well#that era feels so far away even though it was only like 8 months ago#but like e.g. with the shafilea ahmed thing i'm at the stage now where if it comes into my head i can easily push it away#but i could not do that back in february i literally wouldn't be able to sleep until i'd found out every single bit of information#oh god it's nearly the 20th anniversary of that isn't it#but yeah anyway it's like once you show me something morbid. even just a glimpse of it. that's it there's no going back#i will Not Stop until i know everything there is to know about it. and then it'll be on my mind for weeks until i stop feeling anything#and then i'll forget about it#i remember as kids me and my sister would sometimes see An Image on the unfiltered 2000s internet#like that one pic of the chupacabra that's obviously not real but like as a kid it's terrifying#and my sister's response would've been to close it and never look at it or think about it again#and i remember my parents wouldn't allow me to talk about chupacabras in front of my sister#which waS SO HARD bc my response to it was to hyperfixate#and the image creeped me out so to get rid of it i would look at it like everyday until i didn't feel anything anymore#and then me and the chupacabra image were besties <3 and I'd make jokes about it#idk what the point of this post is I've basically just told the same story three times#and there will soon be a fourth. once i watch this video going through the deaths caught on camera iceberg#which i am not going to do now bc it's 00:35 and if i don't sleep now i never will#ramble
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Benefits of audiobooks- I can listen to them while I work, and I am forced to hear and consider every word, rather than read at my usual flying pace, which means I don’t miss things as much and get a deeper and more sustained enjoyment from a really good book
Disadvantages of audiobooks- When there are emotional details they aren’t blunted by the fact that my uncontrolled eye is already skimming the next passages and there are some Emotions that are not appropriate for working hours
#The Woman in White#Because Mrs Clements saying 'I made her first short frocks' broke me#And yet if I'd been reading a physical copy of that passage I'd probably have flown through it without remembering that sentence at all#Also the bit where Hartright says that Anne is buried in a place that Mrs Clements would have chosen for her herself#Was very upsetting#AND to top it all off I've just gone back an dlooked up the passage again and there's a sentence about how#Hartright 'is certain that she was not neglected in her last moments'#WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WALTER#Ok so she had medical attention and all the kindness that strangers could give her#But she died in a strange place confused as to why she was there surrounded by people who only wanted to use her#and the one person in the world who loved her not only didn't know where she was but never heard of her death until Walter told her#At least I suppose when he says that he means it as a comfort to Mrs Clements and that's totally fair and valid but still#Honestly I quite enjoyed the book but Anne Catherick deserved so much better than a single line on a tombstone#Maybe I'm just susceptible to statements about people who died without their loved ones near them for personal reasons#And I know it's a very common occurrence and even in the Victorian era when many people died at home it was common then#But poor Anne deserved better#Anyway also proof that audiobooks count as 'real books'#Because even though I don't always count them towards reading challenges I actually find that I pay more attention#and get a lot more out of fiction books at least than if I'd been reading them in a physical copy#Non-fiction is a different matter but I learnt to race through novels at an early age and just eat them up without much mulling over them#And it's hard to control my eye even when I'm trying to savour a book#So audiobooks actually make me read more carefully and sensibly#Perhaps the main disadvantage is I never know how the names of people and places are spelt#Especially if the narrator has an accent#reading log
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its understandable to talk about addiction like its a clean good/bad, self care/self harm thing but it really is just bodies making a cost/benefit analysis and landing on impaired and foreshortened survival over imminent death.
#like idk. its definitely Better for you to not be an addict but if you are an addict Better probably wasn't an option at the time you#started using and it probably isn't now either unless your circumstances have meaningfully shifted#which isn't to say oh everything's hopeless anyway why not drink yourself to death and have done with it and never try at all#cause its never too late to try! its always worthwhile to believe enough in the greener pasture just over the hill to force yourself#through the wasteland of reality#(am not talking about DE rn but their terms are useful and descriptive so I borrow)#but its very Simple to talk about addiction as a slow suicide#or make it analogous to something like cancer#when its just cloth mother/wire mother again#if your life is a barren cage and sobriety will keep you fed#but using will swaddle and warm you#if the only soft touch is your hand on a bottle#you're going to return to it repeatedly until the cage opens#would you keep eating in a life without warmth or comfort or pleasure? I wouldn't#the best way to help someone with an addiction is to treat them like a human being and understand that they don't want to die#not as much as they want to live
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Master Chief on Hug Duty
#no but actually he's the only one of the three who's still in chain of command#obviously military bad im NOT saying him being in the UNSC is what makes him a Good Person or that he even IS a good person but#Doomguy has been out of the Marine Corps for so long (and been in hell for so many years) that he's pretty much become addicted to death#he exists to kill maim harm and destroy.#he is a ballistic cannon pointed at (luckily) The Baddest of Bad Guys#he's the ultimate “He's only the hero because his world has a big evil face to punch” of superheroes (although i believe in a vacuum#he's a good guy)#(like. if daisy hadn't been killed. if his comrades weren't eviscerated. he'd still be a really chill dude.)#(and outside of battle he's probably pretty cool. just when he's demon slaying he sees red and just killkillkills.)#and samus is a fucking bounty hunter#she's awesome and a nintendo hero so she usually makes the compassionate and morally sound choice but that bitch is a bounty hunter#and i support woman's wrongs. she should be allowed to kill and also do whatever she wants#but master chief - the only one of them who's had a companion or a community throughout his trials -#the one that isn't most comfortable on desolate destroyed wasteland planets -#it makes sense that he'd understand isaac.#he's been in the system since birth but more than enough marines have crumpled under the pressure for him to see the signs of PTSD#intense severe PTSD#imo isaac's attitudes towards the necromorphs would be similar to survivors of The Flood and MC would be equipped to help#him process the really. really dark stuff he's seen.#ANYWAY#MASTER CHIEF GIVES GOOD HUGS. IS WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY.
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‘ I JUST WANNA HEAR YOU (S)CREAMMM ! ’
ᡴꪫ sum. what’s your favorite scary movie? is it carrie? psycho? or maybe nightmare on elm street? perhaps picking up the phone was a bad idea, but you don’t scare easily! or do you?
wc. 6.0k
warnings. fem! reader, ghostface geto & ghostface nanami, college au, threesōmes, unprotected, brief phone sēx, roleplay, dirty talk, praise, overstim, implied multiple ōrgasms, spit, manhandling, brēeding, hair pulling, oral (f & m receiving), cowgirl dp.
an. from this ask!
“hello.”
“hello?”
“what’s your favorite scary movie?”
you deadpan, almost as if you’ve seen this movie before. it was around close to midnight. you were the only one sober at some random frat party you got dragged to. everyone besides you were probably wasted or shoving tongues into mouths. sitting up on a cushioned bed, you hold the landline up to your ear. “mean girls two. bye.”
“….girl what? that’s not a—”
you hang up, averting your eyes back towards the tv screen that displayed some cheesy soap opera. about precisely thirteen seconds pass before the landline screeches a loud deafening ring again.
sighing, you answer it. “stop calling this number. prank calls aren’t funny.”
“no.” the voice replies, and it’s very deep—you swear you’ve heard something like it before. a best way to describe it was that it had a gruff pitch to it, baritone running all underneath it. his voice was also a bit sly too. “i just wanna talk to you.”
“bother some other girl. bye.”
“don’t hang up on me.”
for whatever reason, you don’t hang up. his voice sounded a bit stern—you sit up before growing quiet. you’re fully alert now.
“good girl. now, i’ll ask again. what’s your favorite scary movie?”
pressing your back against the comforter, your thighs squeeze together. with another vexed sigh, you say the most random movie that comes immediately to mind. “halloween.”
“pft. basic.”
“wha— you’re the one who asked.”
“oh, doll i’m just joking. but anyway, you like slasher movies, yeah?”
for whatever reason, the more you talked to this total stranger, you start to feel a sudden uncanny stir delve around your stomach. you weren’t scared, yet at least, but it was oddly peculiar. his voice sounds a bit familiar the more you listen to it. with how teasing the caller on the other line appeared, it was strangely intriguing. you kind of didn’t wanna hang up anymore, besides this party you were at was quite … not the best.
“not really. i am a jamie lee curtis fan though, i only watched because i make fun of the deaths.” you mumble.
“hmmm,” the voice hums through the other end. it’s as if he’s pondering what his next choice of words will be to you. “so…you got a boyfriend?”
you were taken aback by how abrupt the change of subject was. the man on the other end laughs at your awkward silence before you finally speak.
“no, and it’s not like it’s any of your business.”
“easy, girl. i’m just curious. besides, what if i wanna ask ya out?”
you grow quiet again before rubbing your neck, you were growing a bit hot.
“whatever. no, i don’t have a … boyfriend.”
“ooh. you hesitated there.”
you grumble. “shut up. i’m hanging up.”
the man immediately replies with a chortle.
“wait, wait. heh, serious though. you never told me your name, doll face.”
with an eye roll, you utter, “why do you wanna know my name?”
“because i wanna know who i’m looking at.”
“what?”
“what?”
each word he spoke breaks through the phone due the deep mess of his voice. a few rough sparks from his dialogue punctures through the soundbox of the device. again, he did sound oddly familiar. you just couldn’t put your foot on it.
the man chuckles before responding in a more sly tone—changing the subject again.
“you know doll, you sound kind of out of breath. call me crazy, but before i called you, were you playing with yourself?”
your legs suddenly squeeze shut, you were wearing one of your borrowed hoodies and shorts underneath. any sane person would have hung up eons ago, but for whatever reason—you felt your heartbeat start to race. the more you listened to the deep voice on the other end, the more you started to grow more curious. what’s wrong with playing around for a little bit? besides, what’s the worst thing that could happen—you dying?
you scoff, thinking this was nothing more than a dumb prank call—you decided that playing along wouldn’t hurt. you had nothing else to do anyway.
“so what if i was playing with myself?”
“i bet you didn’t even make yourself finish, doll.”
his voice, the more it spoke in that rough pitched tone—you couldn’t help but press the landline up to your ear just a bit further. you furrow your curled up brows, lowering your guard a bit. probably foolish, maybe you’d regret this later, but alas, reality wasn’t on your mind at the moment.
“are you saying you can make me finish?” you mutter, growing amused now.
“oh i know i can. i can make you get off from just from my voice alone.”
he was toying with you, but it was too late to back down. you intake a honed breath before humming.
“okay, prove it then.”
he chuckles.
“mhm. take those panties off first. actually no, slide them to the side for me.”
you really felt like you were in a movie, shamelessly at this random guy’s beck and call. as the show played in the background, you press the middle part of your thumb against the volume button to turn it down four notches. the room was practically silent now, the only noises heard were from the blaring beat drops of edm music downstairs. sprawling your legs out, you creep a shaking hand between your thighs.
the voice grows quiet, you finally move your panties toward the side before slouching back against the pillow.
“you must be really bored. talking to a random girl at the m-midnight.” you exhale.
“heh, m-maybe,” he mocks your falter. “but i’m sure you’ll keep me entertained with that cute voice of yours.”
he was so smooth. smooth as if he was prepared for every word that flew out of your mouth. as your fingers glide against your now exposed entrance, you let off a shaky breath.
he was right, out of boredom you tried to play with yourself— yet, that didn’t work out because you could never make yourself finish. your attempt was basically useless. with a frowning pout, you reply. “now what?”
“finger yourself, silly. and i wanna hear, put the phone up against that pussy for me, doll.”
he was filthy.
you felt yourself start to throb before removing the landline from against your ear and placing it right against your doused entrance.
with heavy jagged breaths becoming more irregular, the person on the other line hears the wet sloshes of your cunt up against the phone. again, he grows quiet—it’s almost like you can make out his deep attractive breaths and it makes you pulse even more.
“bet you’re so nice ‘n soaked. sounds so sloppy.”
gnawing on the softness of your bottom lip, your thumb briefly skims past the nub of your clit and you whine. you were already a bit sensitive from before, starting to stroke your fingers against it. bringing the phone back up to your ear, you ease a single finger inside. it feels warm—you were slick, coating your own finger with a nice amount of your obscene arousal. it doesn’t take long for you to start to pant, slithering another finger inside of your cunt before moaning. it fits nicely, nice and snug.
“you sound so pretty. i want you to imagine those are my fingers, pretty girl. can ya do that?”
“y-yeah,” you start to stammer, feeling a sudden spongey texture inside of you—you gasp, not expecting to reach your sweetened g-spot so soon. it was a mere bumpy texture, gloopy gummy walls involuntarily accepting your two slender fingers with an open gesture. “fuck, ‘m still a bit sensitive.”
he guffaws lowly.
“yeah, i bet you are. poor baby can’t even make herself cum.”
you swallow, the playfulness in his voice making your thighs start to tremble a bit. with relaxed fingers stretching throughout your walls, you focus on your breathing. each pant that came out of your hot breaths seemed like it was gonna be your last. after a while, your toes start to curl up in pure pleasure—you moan, feeling a sudden rush of weightlessness nirvana overtake you.
“find your g-spot for me. tell me when you do.”
“i- i already found it,” you whine, a sheaf of nerves that store inside of your pussy pulsating at a rapid speed. your head throws itself back as you’re just moaning melodically. “fuck, why don’t you just come over ‘n finish for me already.”
the voice laughs again.
“yeah? you want me to come over instead? maybe i should use my tongue since your fingers are so useless, dollface.”
at this point, you didn’t really care. maybe making simple rational decisions today just wasn’t in your favor. the eerie voice, each second you spent listening to it the more aroused you became. maybe getting off to a pure stranger’s voice was embarrassing but you were feening. the air felt suddenly thick. so thick you could cut it with a knife. with your bottom lip being chewed on like gum, you briskly shiver. cold, wintry air wafts against your skin and you moan for the nth time. an unforeseen chill runs down your spine before you hold back yet another whine.
“f-fuck, just come ‘n finish for me. i can’t do it. please.”
he grows quiet for a solid good four seconds before replying in a cheeky tone.
“okay. turn around.”
your panting stops and instantly, you turn your head the other way—of course, no one was there. figures, the only things your eyes were met with was the wooden headboard. with a disappointed grimace, pulling your occupied fingers out of your cunt, you turn back around. as you’re about to speak into the phone again, you open your mouth before pausing.
there, you’re met face first with what appears to be some guy in an infamous ghostface costume. he was tall, staggering inches on him before you don’t see one but two. they both had the same getup, ghoulish ghost mask, a long black robe, and the same spectral, tilting head-stance.
one of them takes off a mask and it’s suguru geto, your roommate.
your eyes concisely widen. once he yanks off the mask, his silky well-kept black strands fly loose. no wonder the voice sounded a tad bit familiar. the other removes his mask and it was nanami, two of them—now you really felt like you were in a movie. “you always did say how much you liked scream,” and then you glance at nanami who had a sheepish expression. “don’t be shy now, someone’s gotta help ya finish.”
“o-oh,” you remember, sitting up against the bed. now you were embarrassed. just a few seconds ago, you were getting off to your roommate’s voice. suddenly, you felt even more hot. you did end up talking their ear off about your adoration for the beloved franchise, ranting about your cute little ghostface obsession.
truth be told though, you didn’t know they’d make it a sheer reality for you. the two of them get on the bed towards you before nanami brings a gloved hand to your chin. he strokes your chin softly, and geto moves underneath.
“sorry princess,” he whispers. “suguru wanted to scare you but i told him we should just show ourselves,” and as he’s speaking, you get lost in his soft, honeydew eyes. such gentle compared to geto who was a bit more—crazed. “he didn’t scare you too bad, did he?”
you moan once you feel geto run a thumb against your already exposed cunt. with a firm head shake, you huff. “no, n-not really.”
“aw what. i thought i was pretty scary,” and you whimper out once he blows against your folds. for a concise moment, geto stares up at you—dark eyes keeping a strong gaze on you. “tell us what you want, pretty girl. you want us to help you finish?”
you nod, feeling geto spread your legs apart further.
nanami, with a gloved hand purses your lips together, forming them into a tight squeeze before humming. “words, princess. use them, okay?”
the more you feel geto’s breath fan against your clit, teasing you—you were about to go feral. you stare up at nanami before letting off a sweet whine. “i- i want you both to help me finish,” you stutter out, stumbling over your pathetic words like you’d stumble with an untied shoe. “make me cum, please kento.”
he leans in to kiss your forehead and you hear geto scoff underneath. “i’m the one between your legs but whatever,” and you feel his soft lips kiss against your pussy. “kento, keep her distracted for me, will ya?”
“you’re so pretty,” he mutters, lightly lifting up your chin. as he wore black gloves—the fabric gently brushes against your lip, popping a thumb into your mouth. he doesn’t expect for you to happily take it in his mouth, sucking on it. “oh,” he breathes, a bit speechless. you stare into nanami’s eyes, swirling your tongue around his thumb in such an erotic way. lowly hooded eyes stare at him the entire time, you moan once you feel the flatness of geto’s tongue run against your sweet clitoral hood. his tongue—the texture of it was so cold, the moment he digs in he makes you know the pure definition of sloppy. all with his tongue, he slowly flicks it against your nub before delving his tongue deeper between your soddened folds. nanami pulls your chin to face him again before softly purring, “don’t look at him, look at me pretty girl.”
as your eyes focus back towards nanami, you could already feel your legs quavering. you felt hot, the lewd way geto drags his tongue against your pussy makes you gasp out three strained second puffs of air.
“k-kento,” you moan, pawing your hands at the low part of his robe. he watches, lowering his head at you before you reach there. nanami’s bulge, he has an abashed expression as he realizes what you were fondling at. “take it off.”
“ah, ask nicely,” he coos. your lips were now glossed with your own spit he smears against you as he pulls his gloved thumb out of your mouth. even though nanami was more tame than geto, his voice had a bit more dominance in it. he grabs your chin gently, cocking his head toward the side. “tell me what you want ‘n i’ll give it to you.”
your legs felt like they were standing on its last few hinges—geto’s tongue runs down your slit, taking a moment to depart his lips and spit on it, only to then lap it up again. a few annoyed grunts escape out of him partially due to his long strands of hair getting in the way. “so sweet,” he mutters, you whimper once he prods two fingers against your outer entrance. every few seconds he’d kiss near your thighs, leaving a few bite bite marks before focusing back towards your folds. “mhm.”
barely even able to keep focus, you gaze back up at nanami who’s standing near the edge of the bed—you’re laid back against the pillows with geto between your thighs. finally, a sweet mewl of words leave your glazed lips. “i- i wanna taste, ‘ken. wanna suck you off,” and he gives you a playful eyebrow raise, prying his pink lips open a few inches apart before you correct yourself. “pretty please.”
“better,” he murmurs, a hand of his reaching towards your head to give it a good pat. “good girl. go ahead, lift it up ‘n enjoy the meal.”
with a soft slackened sigh, you lift up the obsidian black robe. you’re met with ripped jeans, for some reason you just figured he’d already be sprung out for you. as geto’s still lapping up every drop of your taste, you unzip his fly before yanking down his pants. you were so impatient— and with geto’s demented pace, you were getting close. he chuckles, watching you struggle with the zipper for a bit before finally reaching near his boxers. they were a cerulean blueish color, his bulge was just appetizing. the entire shape of it, you felt yourself starting to drool the longer your eyes made direct contact against it. so rounded and full. with clammy hands, you tug them down before his thick cock springs out.
“it’s okay,” he whispers with a nod, watching you glance up him—a silent gesture as a way of asking if you could go further. nanami brings a hand towards the crown of your head, gingerly massaging his fingers through the crevices of your scalp. “you can be a little messy for me.”
a wretched whine that was raw rips from your throat once you feel geto’s tongue latch against your cunt. by now, he was sucking against your folds. the squelches were so sloppy, a hand of yours grab onto his hair for leverage and he shoots you a sly smile.
“don’t be shy girl, yank on it.”
dark pooled irises linger into yours for a long time before you get a good grip of geto’s hair, dragging him closer towards your entrance. over and over and over.
he giggles, hot breath ghosting against your folds and you throb even more. with dilated irises staring back towards nanami, you wrap your free hand around his length—he was so thick, such full balls that you just wanted to run your tongue all across it. he had a few veins skim down his beige, weighty cock. you could make out a few drops of lustrous pre-cum that decorates near his very tip. “u-ugh,” he shakes, the warmth that your tongue provides has him smothering his lips together. nanami watches, you’re slow but deadly.
pursing your lips together, you gradually start to sink him into your mouth.
geto’s still between your thighs, shoving two fingers in and out of you now—he surrounds your clit with his mouth, the suction he creates with just his lips was brutal. you’re moaning, even whilst your noises were pretty much muffled due to nanami’s fat cock. “easy,” he whispers, tapping a thumb against your cheek. “no teeth, okay? you’re doing s-so good.”
nanami groans, goading the same thumb against your cheek before you inch yourself further and further down. he has a shy smile at the way your hair forms in musses due to his tight grip. within no time, your throat’s already stuffed and few droplets of your own saliva trickles down the sides of your mouth. geto’s still making sure to thrust his gloved digits in and out of your soaked cunt and you don’t know which roommate to focus on.
“m-mphm,” was all you could manage out, your legs in a swift spread-eagle position. as you’re outstretched, you feel yourself about to cum. you’d recognize that feeling anywhere—the feeling when a swelling pool of heat residing inside your stomach tickles throughout your entire abdomen. that same feeling of nirvana courses through your veins as you’re now leisurely bobbing your head. every time you pull on geto’s long hair, he grunts—spanking your clit in response and that only causes you to whine for more. nanami strokes your face as he starts to feel his dick prod against the roof of your mouth. for a split second as you’re breathing through each nostril—you gag, long lashes fluttering in sync together.
your legs couldn’t hold still, geto’s continuously pushing you towards your limit before you whimper out. your tongue lathers over the splotches of pre-cum that paints nanami’s tip a pretty shade of snowy white.
he just couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, especially not with a face like that.
low eyes, sheepish smile, furrowed eyebrows. you’re convulsing profusely all in geto’s mouth, the sides of your thighs occasionally hitting against his face and he titters. “such a sloppy m-mouth,” nanami inhales deeply, and he starts to gently drag your head against his cock. he’s got your mouth filled with so many inches—your cheeks were all puffed up from his immense length, sheeny slobber emanating all down the sides of your mouth before he pants. “gonna make such a mess ‘n your mouth, princess. ‘s that what you want?”
you nod, feeling the vein that runs down his girthy cock twitch in your mouth. you moan, he’s feeling weightless—you’ve got his knees trembling, a hand’s still attached to your head like velcro before gyrating your tongue all over the crownhead of his shaft. “such a pretty face,” he gruffs lowly, swiftly pulling your hair side to side to take every inch. “s-shame i gotta ruin it a little.”
even nanami’s dirty talk was tame— it was cute to witness, the way his blond brows would tug into a furrow. he’s so pent up, and out of nowhere—you feel a sudden rush erupt within your cunt. before you could even react, you end up cumming hard. it shoots out of you like a rough wave, it’s such pure bliss that it takes you a few seconds to realize. geto’s making out with your pussy, slowly sliding his two protected fingers in and out of your sopping wet entrance and you shudder. “what a fuckin’ mess,” he hums, taking sight at how saturated you were. as geto laps his tongue against your folds once more, he stares back up at you and nanami. “aw. look at you two,” and he leans down to kiss your forehead. “slobbin’ everywhere, messy girl you are.”
your eyes go back up towards nanami, he’s sweating.
he felt as if the fabric of his robe stuck against his skin. while he’s holding it up with one hand, you sneak a stare at his abs, perfect washboard abs that looked quintessentially sculpted against his body. “g-gonna cum,” and he stares at geto, growing a bit flustered once all attention’s on him. “suguru, don’t just stand there. p…praise her.”
geto scoffs, kneeling beside you on the bed before moving a few strands from your face. “so bossy,” he grits before giving you your second head pat. he leans up close to your ear, grabbing the voice changer again and brings it up to his lips. “c’mon, doll. make ‘ken cum, yeah. doin’ so good for us. you’re gonna make him whine for you, heh.”
nanami’s legs felt like mush, he throws his head back, his long black robe syncing with his movements before he’s gently pulling your head against his thick cock. he shudders, welts of twinges close in on the undersides of his thighs before he finally finishes. it builds up gradually before you find him pouring into your mouth with a nice amount of parching hot cum. it’s hot, a good mass of satiny ropes coat the flat middle part of your tongue and you moan. “f-fuuuck,” he heaves through heavy lungs, it’s still trickling, you savor the taste. it’s bitterly sweet. he pulls out of your mouth before letting off a tremulous sigh. “good girl, f-fuck.”
“aw. don’t hog her, give me attention too,” geto sneers, softly grabbing you by the neck, making you face him. with his right hand, he squeezes your lips together with a rigid grip. “ah, don’t swallow yet. c’mere.”
with half-lidded eyes, you do—leaning into his touch before geto plants his warm lips onto yours. you’re caught by surprise for the umpteenth time today, prying your mouth open for him and he lolls his tongue down your throat. you let off a whine, feeling his gloved hands rub against every inch of your body. immediately, he tastes the candied flavor of nanami’s cum and it makes him groan. he didn’t even bat an eye—you return the kiss, feeling geto’s hand slither further down towards your ass. he caresses it, giving it a mean spank to make you moan out in ecstasy.
after a while, he pulls away, humming at nanami. “ken ken, don’t be so shy. you want a taste too?”
“yeah,” he mutters, needy eyes staring at your lips that were lubricated with your own sheeny spit. “can i?”
you nod, and he’s so gentle with you. a hand nimbly wraps around your throat before he brings you into a deeper kiss. geto’s still for his hands on you, strumming his fingers near your pulled to the side panties. you let off a soft pant, feeling the spiral of nanami’s tongue go against yours. he tastes sweet — savory even, his flavor was purely mouthwatering. a thumb drags down the passageway of your throat before he pulls away. it’s slow, a polished concoction of saliva departs from each mouth and you whimper. you were throbbing, desperate for more and they both knew that. if this— whatever this was was some sort of movie, you never wanted it to end. you never wanted the credits to roll because you felt like you were floating on cloud nine.
with the two of them, you were stretched in every way possible. if you could compare who was bigger, actually you couldn’t. throughout multiple positions, you felt as if you were gonna snap in half. they had you so stupid. pink tongue rolled out, full lungs of oxygen departing out such hot breaths of air, you were the definition of stupid.
cockdrunk at its finest. each orgasm that got ruthlessly snatched out of you had your head spinning, heart racing entirely.
you felt like something was creeping up behind your shoulder, chills. whenever you’d coax out yet another teeth-shattering orgasm, all you felt was stone cold chills. time after time, it felt like pure bliss—you thought you were in a whole new world, barely even able to move your thighs an inch. being sandwiched between the two of them, perhaps you were a little greedy but you just couldn’t get enough. geto’s degrading you whilst nanami’s whispering sweet pleasures into your ear, you’ve never felt more soaked.
you didn’t wanna stop—
currently, you’re straddling nanami. he’s got two rough hands gripping your waist, intaking every inch of your pretty physique. his stare sends you butterflies, his shaft was underneath you and only then pulls out. with a cute, “phew,” he swipes a sheet of sweat that expands across his forehead. you rode him so good that he couldn’t even figure out what to say. he was so flustered, tips of his ears a reddish hot before he watches geto creep behind you. “think she wants more, suguru.”
“bet she does,” he whispers, bringing a few sweet kisses near the inner corners of your neck.
you’re promptly sat up straight. the brief sounds of booming speakers roar from downstairs as you wrap your arms around nanami. geto licks near your collarbone before purring seductively. “say, doll. how ‘bout you try to take us both? would ya like that?” and with a gloved hand he gives your ass a squeeze. “wanna be the final girl ‘n prove your worth? our final girl?”
without an inkling of hesitation—you nod, mewling out a sweet, “yes, yes jus’ hurry up, sugu. ‘m still c…close.”
“so wet, so impatient,” he whispers once more, and with two hands he makes you sit up from nanami. you gulp—swallowing whatever sanity you had left, preparing to be quite literally double stuffed with your roommates. you aren’t so sure why, but the fact that they both still had on their ghoulish costumes made you pulsate a bit more. geto’s helping you slide back down onto nanami’s length before slowly making his way into you also. “god, you’re so hot in here. gonna fuckin’ swallow me whole.”
you moan, everything goes so slow—your cunt was a ticking time bomb. you clamp down on each before slumping into nanami’s chest. you’re met with kind eyes, he strokes your forehead before kissing the bridge of your nose, panting in a hushed voice. “eyes on me, princess. just relax.”
you wriggle a bit at the positioning—being on nanami’s lap, geto directly behind you, you’re quite literally being filled in every orifice by thick inches of cock. nanami’s words were soothing, filling up your tummy with a pool of fluttering butterflies. you keep your eyes on him, clenching down on geto a bit before you hear him hiss in response. “ugh. doll open up for me a little m-more, yeah.”
his voice was deepened heavily—you let off a cute gasp once they’re both finally in and a few shaky breaths exit past your lips. “hold my hand, i got you,” nanami coos, and that’s when geto starts to rock. he had more control between the two of you, the grip on your hips was firm and you let off a sweet babble. each individual entrance was stuffed, you swallow the invisible lump in your throat as you start to feel the sweltering friction of your thighs slap against nanami. “you’re so pretty like this,” and he kisses the temple of your cheek.
every kiss presented from nanami makes your heart race—being sandwiched between nanami and geto, you really did feel like the main character.
your lip tremors, grinding back and forth between each of them, you feel geto wrap his thick fingers around your neck.
whilst you’re still straddling nanami—you moan again and again, feeling a free hand of geto’s spank your ass. the stretch that you continuously felt had your mouth watering. you heard the harmonic pap pap pap’s until it rang throughout your ears. “fuck, ya like being stuffed don’t you, pretty girl? feel full enough?” geto rasps, pressing his body right up against you. you felt his hot temperature go against your skin. making you feel every amount of his heat. your brain’s swelling up with fog. giving him an inert nod, you hear him click his tongue. “didn’t say to nod your head, doll. i wanna hear that sweet voice.”
whenever geto lowers his voice a bit, you feel the abrupt tension arise between your legs. leaning against nanami, you whine out a, “hngh y-yesss, ‘m so full, sugu. want more, stuff me more.”
“let me stuff your mouth too then.”
and before you could come up with a reply, geto removes his glove—shoving your mouth with two fat digits. he grunts, watching as you’re so compliant with your throat being filled with his fingers. nanami stares at the entire scene in front of him, his dick idly twitching inside of you. your tongue runs down his fingers before your own spit starts to seep down the corners of your lips. it was messy—you were messy. your hips jitter and judder and you knew with having both holes stuffed you weren’t gonna last that much longer. it was probably the dozenth orgasm your pussy’s been introduced with and you could feel the creeping pleasure brew up inside your abdomen.
“suguru, ‘m gonna cum.” nanami groans, bringing his own hands to wrap around your waist. you lessen your tense from his touch before gagging a bit from the prodding of geto’s fingers way back into your throat. “she’s s-squeezing me so good.”
geto snickers, making eye contact with nanami. “are you? ‘ken, you’re more whinier than usual today.”
“shut up.” he grumbles, slapping a hand over his face in embarrassment — nanami wasn’t so known to be all flustered and abashed, but whenever he was, it was so cute.
you’ve still got a mouthful of geto’s fingers before he pulls them out only to shove them into his own mouth. he hums, sharp hips snapping into you repeatedly as his other free hand tightens its secured grasp around your hip. “mhm,” he groans, feeling himself reaching his peak also. “you taste like a final girl. so sweet like candy.”
with the piston of geto’s vigorous hips, you’re so loose that you feel the fleeting sensation of your cunt gaping.
its cavernous, you jerk forward against nanami before seconds later — geto groans, abruptly finishing two seconds early. even his moans were pretty, he tugs his fingers out of your mouth to wrap them around your neck. strands of black hair glue to his forehead and he puffs out a single breath. licking a stripe near your neck, he feels thick volumes of his cum ooze into your hole. it’s so sticky, you bring your hips to a slowing halt before nanami shoots inside you too.
“f-fuck, sugu,” nanami grunts, feeling his thighs stick underneath you. he was panting heavily, each breath that ran from his lips sounding more and more wearied. “damn, so m-much.”
everything spurts into you at once. they mirror each other inside of you perfectly. callused stubby fingertips of geto’s squeeze your neck softly, watching as you’re just being filled with bulky strings of cum, it floods your cunt until it drizzles further into your womb. you’re drooling, it feels so hot, sweltering hot. it sticks against your entrance before your arms wrap around nanami. “so f-full,” you whimper, and he returns the gesture by brushing his thumb against your waist. droopy eyes hang low before nanami pulls you into another deep kiss. you decided—this was far better than some dumb party. the cottony fabric of the ghostface robe pricks against your skin as you lean into his heinous touch.
you shift your weight against nanami’s lap, feeling geto pull out before he leans down between your legs. “spread your legs,” he mutters, and in the midst of your tongue roaming down nanami’s throat, you part your thighs—gasping once you feel geto’s own tongue lap against the freshly created mess. he makes little tiny licks, tasting the ropes of crisp cum that’s sloppily easing out of every entrance—you pulsate before he chortles, warm breath ventilating against your sobbing pussy. “so messy. don’t want any spillin’ out. gotta push it back in.”
you’re moaning, after a while you break away from nanami’s lips before he strokes your cheek lovingly, a cute drowsy look before he huffs, “did you hear me, pretty?” and he gently pokes your cheek. “you always do this..”
confusion hits you before your eyes suddenly open—you jolt up, both of your roommates beside you, gawking at you with a look of deadpan. you’re leaning against geto, the third movie of scream playing in the background—it was near the ending where the killer was being revealed. you sit up, staring down at your legs and you were fully clothed—there was no geto eating between your legs, no being stuffed with nanami, nothing.
“hellooo, earth to roomie,” geto waves his hand in your face, you stare at him before furrowing your brows. “you okay? you fell asleep on me again. what’s got ya so spooked? looks like ya seen a ghost.”
so it was a dream?
a mere glimpse of your lewd imagination—?
you have a sudden sheepish look, running your fingers near the nape of your neck. “huh. oh, i’m fine. i thought the movie would be over by now.”
nanami rubs your back. “we still have like twenty minutes left,” and then he looks at you with a concerned look. so gentle—so tender. “are you sure you’re okay? we can watch a rom-com if you want.”
“i’m okay,” you insist, slumping your head back against geto.
that was weird, out of all the dreams you’ve had throughout your life—none of them ever felt as surreal as that one. for some reason, you were still aroused though. you were a bit out of breath and felt chills run all over your body.
abruptly, your phone rings,
“sugu, can you pass me my phone?” you sigh, trying to relax. you were pretty bummed you weren’t at that party getting stuffed with your two roommates but instead—in your generic dorm watching a scary movie.
he hands you the phone, grabbing the remote to turn it down a few notches.
once you take it, succinctly, your eyes scan across the screen—it reads that it’s from an unknown number. not really thinking much, you decide to answer, swiping the green button to answer. “um, hello?”
“hello.”
“hi,” you rub your eyes. “can i help y-”
“what’s your favorite scary movie?”
rolling your eyes, you peer at your two roommates beside you, nudging them and peeling the phone away from your ear for a moment. “very funny, suguru.”
geto gives you a look of confusion and nanami mimics the same. he shrugs, averting his eyes back toward the movie. “very funny what.”
and suddenly you’re laid back, an unbelieving expression was expressed on your face as you were left with a weird feeling. if it wasn’t them then who—
that same chill eerily creeps up your spine before you put the phone back near your ear. it’s that same low voice you heard from before, each word it speaks pitches deeper before you grow quiet at its final haunting response,
“oh baby, i’m not suguru or nanami..”
#★vegasbaby.#geto smut#nanami smut#geto x reader#nanami x reader#geto suguru smut#nanami kento x reader#geto suguru x reader#geto x you#nanami x you#getou suguru x reader#suguru geto x reader#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader smut#jjk fic#anime smut#female reader#cw sex mention
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a loving family, an unpalatable desire
reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.
a/n: would anyone hear me out if i ever wrote romantic yan! bruce (ft. platonic yan! batfam AND romantic yan clark kent alongside the superfam ofc) with a neglected spouse reader... because uhm, i've been thinking about it lately just yk... so anyways PLSPLSPLS send in asks about this, ive been thinking about it so much lately.
imagine wanting to raise a family so badly with a man who adopts problem children as a side hustle. you're not some invasive spouse, you've always been good, always been loving, so... so accepting, never questioned where or how he picked them up from the side of the streets, never once complaining about the hickeys on his neck or the once neat tussles of his hair now tangled accompanying lipstick stains on his white suit.
you love your children, you tell yourself all the time. you love them, you love bruce— even if he doesn't love you. you said it in your vows, despite it being scripted, despite your family finally sighing in relief in the sidelines at finally being able to sell you off to one of the wealthiest man in the world, rather than being wasting off under their care— your vows are real.
you wanted someone to love you, unconditionally, so viscerally eternal that it eats you up.
really, all you wanted was to play that fantasy life of trophy house spouses. all you wished for was a loving, healthy relationship. the american dream: the picture perfect family frames, your husband kissing you on the cheek as he leaves for work, your children bickering at the dining room, with the scent of homemade meals wafting about the vicinity. all you wanted was the warmth in your chest to flicker like candlelights. all you dreamed about was that domestic life, an escape from the abusive household you were raised in.
yet the manor is too cold, too unforgiving for a soul such as yours.
the longer you stay inside claustrophobic, yet oh-so large hallways, the quicker you drown in a neverending pool of self-hatred.
but you're not allowed to show them your sufferings. they've been through much worse, you tell yourself. they've suffered more, and as what good spouses do, as what you're taught, you stay silent, enabling them to turn you into their own emotional punching bag.
you only allow yourself to cry at the dead of the night, under the sheets of your too-cold blanket and your too-hot pillows. when the manor is filled with deathly silence and a looming sense of dread and ill fitting thoughts of ifs and when they'll come back in one piece, will you grant yourself temporary respite; worry for a family who never even called you their parent.
yet you've always been so considerate. despite the pang in your chest every time bruce flirts with anymore potential love interest at a gala, you chose to instead monitor your chaotic children, who have always never bat an eye on you despite you always gazing lovingly at them.
you know of their interests, they don't know yours, yet you still give them extravagant gifts on their birthdays, with tired, yet glinting eyes, and a silent excuse to return to your room; one separate from bruce.
you know of bruce's hardships, but you don't push too hard, don't force him to talk, only provide him your silence and an offer to serve him dinner; all the time he refuses without looking at you. you give him comfort only if he ever allows you, only if he allows his walls to crumble— but not even his spouse can amount to a warm, crackling fireplace. to him, you're probably only a matchstick under the deadbeat glaze of the snow in a winter night.
maybe that's why you're such a ghost in the manor, stalking through the hallways, looking out for any of your children in case they come across you with any injuries. maybe that's why eventually your resolve weakened.
and maybe the absence of familial love led you to find comfort in another man's arm.
''til death do us part,' is such a tragic saying in your case, because you know it in your fragile heart that bruce's love for you was never alive in the first place. and yet you allow him to play you like a fiddle, allow him to slowly allow you to slip away from his nonexistent grasp.
and now, you're a stand-in parent for clark's son, jon, after the tragic loss of his wife. now, your world seems a lot less bleaker, as you play the fantasy of a loving house spouse, fully abandoning the life you left behind, a life you've never been gifted with until now. you want to feel guilty, you want to feel absolutely terrible but the heartache of neglect has become too much and all you do was allow clark to warm you up each night, kissing away your tears and spooning your deep-seated anxieties away.
you don't let the past eat you up, not when the present is too perfect, too freeing, too delusionally beautiful.
your son, jon provides you every joy a parent could have. parent's day gifts, heartfelt letters at every nook and cranny of your shared bedroom with clark— even reading him bedtime stories, allowing him to sleep in your lap after he slowly nods off, with clark knocking softly on polished wooden doors, greeting you with a loving kiss on the lips and a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand—
it's everything a parent wants, needs even.
and you're everything clark, and especially jon wants, needs in their life.
so it's such a stupid mistake, really. a slip of the tongue, a too-enthusiastic smile, incredibly bright, shining eyes. it's not jon's fault, you still love him either way. but it's an error still— one a complicated matter at hand, so dreadful for you, that jon accidentally, all-too-suddenly, mentions you as his parent to damian.
a loving, wonderful parent, he says, with a picture of you in his wallet shoved right in front of his friend's face.
#🧁... yael's misc.#yandere batfam#yandere dc#yandere batman#yandere angst#yandere bruce wayne#yandere clark kent#yandere superfam#yandere superman#yandere damian wayne#yandere jon kent#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x female reader#yandere x male reader#yandere x gn reader#yandere imagines#yandere scenarios#male yandere#yandere x y/n#yandere x you#yandere x darling#I HATE WRITING HIATUS#this is so bad erm...#im back at ranting in tags but ykyk#why am i so bad at this again 💔
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