#their bad because im not a professional
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Here you go, Kirby fandom! Herr is my contribution to you! 3D models in blender, except they get progressively worse.



#blender#kirby series#kirby#3d model#meta knight#king dedede#kirby meta knight#kirby king dedede#their bad because im not a professional
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I feel like I need to talk to someone about things that are bothering me, but I absolutely hate the idea of doing so and I'm scared of how anyone will react or judge me, so I feel like I'm emotionally in a constant state of this
#'i want to yap but im scared' describes genuinely 90% of my thoughts nowadays#or i do yap and regret it or question if im being annoying like immediately#i technically have a person im supposed to talk to for this sorta stuff#but honestly im even more freaked out about talking to mental heealth professionals about my thoughts because they are the worst#they always just say some fluffy version of 'just stop feeling bad' like i wouldnt have done that if i could or 'youre wrong'#mine#not tes#vent
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You know what. Who wants a damn ramble.
These two pieces of media are very unrelated but I promise they make me feel similar things in opposite ways
Maybe bc i watched both in the same week but anyway


I've seen both Mufasa 2024 and HB several times having their writing and plots compared to "fanfiction" and obviously it's an insult and people never go any deeper than that but I'm tired of accepting that fanfic-y plots aren't hella cool sometimes and that it's all the same bc it's really not and also man it's really not that deep in the end oh my God
Bc you know what. We write/read fanfiction bc we want silly guilty pleasures that we rarely see in "professional" writing and we want to see those cool tropes happening. But then when those tropes do happen people complain that it isn't professional enough??? So what the fuck do you want then
Like Loona having a demon feral wolf form is PEAK deviantart 2012 furry fanfic headcannon but also. That's so fucking cool man. I love her. People ask oh why does she have a demon form but man why should she NOT. Yeah you'd see it in fanfics but isnt that bc we want it. It's in character and in universe and it's cool and I love it bc it's so random but it doesn't destroy the universe and it's COOL it really doesn't go deeper than that man
Meanwhile Mufasa writing is fanfic-y in the way that it has a lot of tropes that you see in TLK fanfiction (white lions, made up lion biology, etc) but it's also BAD bc it's sooo badly connected and the pacing is terrible but also they don't even DO anything cool with it. It doesn't do anything new or exciting with the wacky ideas they decide to use. It doesn't do anything cool with white lions. It doesn't do anything cool with Mufasa being adopted. All comes and goes and leaves no impact.
It'd be the same if they'd randomly introduced Loona's wolf form while she was on the phone or smth. Literally nobody would find that cool the way we are now bc it's hella cool THE WAY they did it
Like fanfics can be bad or good and that's fine bc the only reason they exist is to be self-serving and I give them all the right to be as dumb and as badly written as they deserve and for some people it's just stress relief and some people are literally 11yos having fun. Do whatever you want
But when you have some kind of production then yeah, we expect some level of quality. I just don't think that being "fanfiction level / fanfic-y" is inherently bad you know. It's about how you use it
Both Loona being a feral demon and the whole Mufasa movie have a lot of fanfic tropes but one of them used it in cool ways and the other used it in dumb ways but the tropes themselves aren't the problem you know
I just don't think that fanfic tropes are inherently bad and I'm tired of acting as if they are. Fuck I love THE LION GUARD over Mufasa because The lion guard actually does cool stuff with whatever they did and embraced it being as insane as it is while Mufasa just threw random stuff and didn't do anything with the tropes they used. I would be SO INTO Mufasa having white lions and ghosts and magic and fights and lion monarchies if they bothered to do anything cool with it.
I don't know man. It's not that deep. Sometimes stuff can be silly but also cool. Media can be silly and fanfic-y as long as they write it in a cool way. Which Helluva Boss did and Mufasa didn't and that's the point
Have a great night
#12 yo me is crying bc i so wanted an expanded TLK universe but this is just not it man#it's just bad. like it's a bad movie. it's bad writing#helluva boss is at least cool. its silly and its fun. thats it#mufasa is dumb#not the character#the movie#mufasa 2024#ofc you can think helluva boss is badly written or bad and thats also fine!!#im just tired of saying X is bad bc it feels like fanfiction as if some fanfiction tropes and ideas arent hella cool???#obviously its different from professional writing and im not saying theyre the same but i feek like theres a point im making here#but if it sounds like i wrote this on withdrawl is because i did#helluva boss#furry#fursona#loona#feral#i have so many insane tlk headcanons and fanfics in my head idt the tropes are the problem just pls do smth cool with it#rant#fanfiction#i guess#disney hire me for the next tlk remake#let me show you my Prince of the egypt-esque background for taka and mufasa
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hot take of the day. emailing is the easiest form of communication. theres no expectation to be natural because everyone is professional and awkward over email. and you only email with a purpose and when the goal of the email is accomplished you can just stop talking.
#im so bad at texting because i never have anything to say#but in email when i dont have something to say i dont have to say anything#and if i have that autism swag in emails its just professionalism
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Hey so I hate HTF, why the heck is this show INVADING my mind like, all the time? Is the only thing I can focus on, only thing I can purely enjoy, only thing I feel interested enough to put a lot of time on it without feeling like is getting wasted, I just think about a future dull of HTF thing and HTF inspired outfits and just, make my lifestyle be about HTF.
#happy tree friends#im sure that this ISN'T sane#but i mean#im not diagnosed with anything#my psychologist said he knows shit about mental disorders so#like i can LIKE things#but not fully enjoy them#i like Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony#but my interest on those 2 is ok#like unworthy and easily forgettable#HTF isn't. that shit just devoured any logical thought and replaced everything with itself#i got no brain the only thing in my head is a lil Nutty on a couch.#and if I can't make 90% of my conversations with ppl about HTF i simply don't talk to them#i feel bad#im talking less and less with a friend since i left my Undertale obsession#and just feel so empty and bored if things aren't about HTF#is so weird and annoying. even more because i can't simply share it around bcs is a gore show#AND THERE'S LITTLE TO NO MERCH IN MY COUNTRY#send professional help 😝#vent?
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i think i got very lucky with my parents :,)
#everytime i think they don’t understand how im feeling they always do something that proves me wrong#we were planning to stay over at a relatives house and then we had dinner on their bed that we were supposed to sleep in and my fear of food#and fear of contamination couldn’t deal with that so i told my dad over whatsapp and he said okay then we’ll go :(#also i was feeling very tearful one morning and i called my dad upstairs and asked him to take me to a mental health professional because i#was on the verge of a panic attack and he sat next to me while i ate and took me to a doctor immediately after:(#because i ran out of my medicine#my mom is the same :( she actively tries to get me out of situations where food is involved like if my cousins ate something and didn’t wash#their hands afterwards she makes me sit in the front seat of the car so nothing accidentally touches me and flares up my obsessive thoughts#and anxiety :(#i feel so bad when they do this because i feel so fucking stupid for feeling like this in the first place but it does feel very very real#and dangerous:( i don’t know how to stop:(#like if anyone eats i feel so happy for them but if i make contact with them i feel physically disgusting#so if other people eat in their bed i’m fine with that but i just can’t sleep in that bed afterwards#my parents are the same people who held me in their arms and cried with me when i said i really really wanted them to let me die:(#so i really really love them :(#✉️
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his ass is NOT paying attention to the workplace conduct meeting
#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#art#illustration#redacted marcus#redacted project meridian#project meridian#ets#i gotta do some marcus costumes for each part of project meridian#im already thinking about a lineup where he's super professional and put together at the start#but as he starts to unravel his clothing gets more casual and unkept because of the stress and also imagery#crying and sobbing and begging on my knees for more marcus#he's got some of the best characterisation ive seen anywhere and also he's a little fuckin scrunglo#i need him so bad
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how can i know if i have anxiety or if im just a normal amount of scared and worried a lot
#without seeing a professional cause thats scary#i dont want to slef diagnose either cause i feel like im just lying about it to be special and cooler for attention#because i dont want to say i have it when idrk and make ppl with anxiety look bad#i just cant imagine having anxiety because if you feel this and more im sure i wouldve died already for real#and this is scary to ask because what if i really dont have it at all and i dont seem like i do and im just scared and ppl get mad im faking#and i just sound like im faking with this shit so taht ppl will tell me i do but im not im just bad at explaining how i feel and i think#vent#kinda#i think
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one of my many gripes over the webtoon-ification of the webcomic world is that none of the really popular webcomics now look....bad.
like....every popular webcomic that i see anyone talking about has really pretty polished professional-looking art and it's just...tiring? it feels like quality standards have risen an absurd amount ever since webtoon became The Big Webcomic Platform, and if you aren't a professional artist, it's impossible to gain any sort of popularity. (and a lot of those pretty polished art styles just really seem to be there to cover up a mediocre plot).
i just feel like the concept of reading a comic for the plot rather than the art style has sort of curled up and died. and its really annoying.
#keeping this to the tags in case it breaks containment since its a bit more of a vent#i dont think my art is bad. but i dont think its at the sort of professional level that most popular webcomics are at#and it kinda makes me doubt that my comic will ever really...get any sort of publicity no matter how good my writing is#i try not to care too much about the numbers because im making it primarily as a passion project for myself and myself alone#but...it does get to to me sometimes#alex speaks#webcomics
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i think one of my biggest (and only) gripes with procreate is that they dont have like. a masterlist of features their app has to offer. a full thorough ui navigation. because ive been using procreate for a couple years now and im still discovering preexisting features because they just. dont mention it anywhere
#like being able to drag and drop an image into the color pallette area to create a unique pallette from that image?#had to find that out through an instagram reel#procreate has a habit of compressing things almost Too much to make it less visually busy and more “beginner friendly”#which definitely works to an extent. its the easiest art program I've used to date. and that includes ibispaint#but they have an annoying habit of simply not Labeling Things#so they will have a lot of super cool and useful features that you wont even know exist because they dont tell you about it#and their app tutorials are very vague and don't actually seem to show you have to navigate the app.#they feel more like an ad than a tutorial#this is why procreate dreams has gotten flamed so bad i think#its not even that bad is the thing. its got tons of good features. but the ui is simply TOO simplified#everything is hidden in a dropdown of some kind#to the point that its not beginner friendly OR professional quality#because its equally unnavigatable for both#ANYWAYS im just yapping for the sake of yapping#i love procreate. its affordable and user friendly. theres just some very small inconveniences with its ui#i know nothing about developing and do not know what im talking about. for the record.#this is simply the ramblings of a humble artist who loves nothing more than to complain ❤️
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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently
- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)
- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement
- such as The Academic Text
- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago
- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........
- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff
- and im so so sleepytired :(((
- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((
AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS

purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now
#swedenquest#everything happens so much :(((#but i will be okay...!!!!!!!! no unsolicited advice please#in fact i have been given resources for metacognitive therapy to fight my brain demons and im excited to get more into that#but also how am i supposed to read anything under these circumstances.#tomorrow is self study day and if i wasn't so stressed about Big Project I would've made myself stay at home and rest/unpack#ill simply have to compromise. sleep a little bit longer; couple hours of tinkering at school#take it easy but take it!!!!#also god i was first out to have kitchen cleaning responsibilities this week#which isnt Hard u just need to run the break room dishwasher and take out the trash BUT#the trash bags are the worst quality trash bags i have ever encountered. they tore at my touch.#i tried so hard to remove the trash from the trash cans in a neat and professional manner but it all kept falling apart#and next thing you know there's coffee grounds all over the floor and everyone looks at you with pity#i got some help but it was so stressful and Bad#and there's someone in the 2nd year who keeps emptying the dishwasher even tho it's not their turn and I WOULD DO IT IF U WAITED FIVE MINUT#they did this all the time last year too and it's like. i get that they're stressed out by dishes in the sink or whatever i really do get i#but it's really messing with the system and like... teaching everyone else to not contribute??? because they don't even get to??#AND i lost at minigolf with like 20 more points than everyone at my team#which i genuinely wouldn't mind except i dragged the average score down so bad we could never have won anything#FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL GOING FINE
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Trying to undo years of masking so that the doctor running my ADHD evaluation takes me seriously
#she seems much better than the last man who evaluated me#but i dont trust doctors as a rule#ive had too many bad experiences with them#especially in matters of mental health#the last fuckwit i talked to about adhd said im 'too smart' to have it#ive heard from many actual professionals since then that i should seek another opinion because thats bullshit#so im trying again#i wiuldnt unless i was desperate#having an office job has been very difficult and i think its adhd#so i need some help. wiuldnt be wasting ny time otherwise#gonna get some coffee afterwards because i wasnt allowed to have it beforehand#im prepared for nothing to come of this but for ny sanity i need to try#so fully trying to unmask#im going to be so fucking fidgety and distractable in that office#because unfortunately thats just how i am#very tired. wish me luck
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GUYS i have to give a six minute demonstration speech for my oral/interpersonal communications class later AND. AND like two weeks ago when we were planning it i didn’t know what to do it on so my teacher said something art related since she knows i like to draw. so i chose to. to give a speech in front of like 20 other people in my grade on HOW TO DRAW ANTONNNNN AND I’M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE THAT SPEECH LS TOFDAY AND I HAVENT PRACTICED IT AT ALLLLLL LMAO IM SO FUCKED
#AAAAAAAHHHH#this is gonna be so fucking chaotic i’m kinda excited#i don’t know what i’m doing!!!!#to be fair some of the speeches so far have been. really bad. so i’m not too worried about it#i’ve been going to school with these people my whole life so its not like they’re complete strangers#but still#I HATEEEE GIVING PRESENTATIONS#i will probably have an anxiety attack or something lol#yikes#i am not prepared#and i think that’s actually hilarious#because i laugh when im nervous. a lot#wyrms says stuff#IM THE PROFESSIONAL PROCRASTINATOR#WISH ME LUCK 💥💥💥💥💥💥#also if i fuck it up j can just make up the grade by doing another speech it’s not a big deal my teacher doesnt gaf#also i chose anton because i’ve been drawing him like every day for months so it’ll be easy drawing him in front of people#also i will pretend he’s in my mind hyping me up so it’ll be easy
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was feeling low energy earlier but then i thought about the first date with jiyan and how funny and mildly awkward it was because the series of events leading up to it were out of order
#i join the midnight rangers -> i report to him as vanguard captain -> we stay profesh for years (or at least try to 🙈) ->#one day we’re in a high risk battle -> we get separated from our troops -> he almost dies -> i drag him away#-> we have our first kiss and confession while he’s barely conscious -> he takes a week or two to heal -> we address the elephant in the#room bc like hello?? we kissed??? you’re my general?? what now ?? what are we? -> first date happens#IN SECRET might i add because …… if any of our soldiers saw us it would be over (we fail miserably. the general and the captain having the#same day off? not suspicious at all)#our first date just feels funny bc we’re a little shy even though we already know the taste of each other’s lips#it’s not bad but it just takes a moment for us to adjust out of that professional setting (EVEN THO WE’VE BEEN BENDING THE RULES#AND YEARNING FOR EACH OTHER QUITE SOME TIME BEFORE THIS. we’re fools okay)#IM SORRY THE JIYAN YEARNING IS EXTRA STRONF TONIGHT AND I NEED TO LET IT OUT#chitchatting ᵔᴗᵔ#ryuyan
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I need to be a loudmouth. for my health actually.
#im thinking about doing podcast [AUDIO FICTION] reviews/critiques bc i have so much to say on the topic#[IT'S A SPECIAL INTEREST I'VE REALISED. I HAVE A LOT. TO SAY ON THE TOPIC.]#but no idea if anyone would read them#and also worried that this might tank my chances at breaking into the actual industry like i want to#bc it's fairly close knit & i don't want to give the wrong person a 'bad' review#(i would try to be balanced and professionally critical. i want people to get better at making podcasts not feel bad about how they did)#(however i am opinionated and love to yap. see above post.)#so im incredibly conflicted#but i think i really need to do it because i jsut keep spamming my boyfriends every time i have thoughts#and there is this urge in me to put something out there#and i critique as a creative exercise for MYSELF. i try to learn from everything i listen to.#so i think it would be good. for me.#sigh. maybe.#the system speaks#[you can reblog this shitpost as a shitpost my tags are just bonus content]
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The People VS Gwen Stacy au where Miguel and Jess just picked up the Vulture and left, not stopping Captain Stacy from raising the gun toward Gwen a second time and shooting her on reflex.
Gwen bleeding out on a stretcher to an ambulance, face exposed to the world as a million cameras flash.
Gwen twisted up in the agony of her father choosing to be a cop before being someone who loves her with a bullet in her liver but a hole in her heart.
Gwen Stacy's face posted all over the news before she's even on the operating table at the nearest hospital.
Gwen Stacy arrested for the murder of Peter Parker, handcuffed to the railing of her hospital bed.
Gwen Stacy arriving at the court house in a wheelchair because she is fresh out of surgery and can't walk, meeting her lawyer, Matt Murdock for the first time.
Gwen Stacy villified by J. Jonah Jameson and the police union to the point other heroes, like Daredevil, have to come out of the shadows to protect her from a public lynching.
Gwen Stacy, abandoned by everyone she should've been able to trust.
Spiderwoman alone against the court of public opinion.
#across the spiderverse au#gwen stacy#i ahve been having thoughts about the movie#i've watched the opening a hundred times and im still as insane as i was the first time#like what if her dad shot her because miguel and jess being consummate professional just bagged the anomaly and left#what if it was after he'd seen her face and thus she was forced to face the world maskless#her father appears to be a bad cop in general#conflicting orders and escalation#wouldn't his testimony conflict with any autopsy done on peter's body#matt murdock and foggy saw/heard the breaking news and broke so many traffic laws getting out to Chelsey NY to take a case probono#in light of the mobs of people outside the court house and hospital Matt convinces a judge to release Gwen on house arrest#Daredevil briefly granted custody of Spiderwoman for her own safety#gwen breaking down and crying in the bathroom of his Hell's Kitchen apartment#miguel looks in later and while he feels bad this is the canon of her world#he adds Earth-65 to patrols for other spiders while Gwen is on indisposed and if he happens to lead them well he's the boss#he visits gwen and apologizes but doesn't mention that he could've stopped it#miguel struggling to understand how gwen's father shot her after seeing her face and knowing it was his precious child behidn the mask#gwen clinging to matt murdock and miguel o'hara and the other heroes who come by and offer support and love and let her heal#INSIST that she heal under their wings#gwen's found family#idk who else i'd have in this jsut want my girl to go through it and come out stronger and more loved than anything
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