#the wrong number for jeff bit is so funny

[michaelhholden]

Every Taika Waititi film ranked by how much I liked them, while I count down the days to the release of Next Goal Wins (my most anticipated movie of the year!)

DISCLAIMER: I like all Taika Waititi films, so don't get angry at me

7. Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Fun and colourful, I love Korg, Jeff Goldblum is great, but to me this is just a Marvel movie. Sorry, Marvel fans, this movie was just OK.

6. Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

More fun and colourful than Ragnarok, loved Christian Bale, loved the kids, loved Jane Foster's arc (I thought it was well handled!). There was a bit too much Korg, I admit. People say this movie had too many jokes and didn't take itself seriously enough. Well, of course it didn't! It's a movie about gods and aliens and stuff in space! Honestly it was a blast and I liked it better than the third one. I said what I said.

5. JoJo Rabbit (2019)

This is a great film, we all know that. It speaks really well of Taika's filmography that it's so down on the list. It was hilarious and adorable and important. I feel like the comedy-drama could have been better balanced, I couldn't fully connect emotionally. Still, it was great and hilarious, the parody aspects were really well done and I really liked it.

4. Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)

This one is really funny, it doesn't get enough credit for how funny it is. I loved the too leads, especially Sam Neill, I wasn't sure how well he'd fit into Taika's style, but he was fantastic. A really fun film.

3. Eagle vs Shark (2007)

All Eagle vs Shark haters are wrong, this film is great. Lily is the most adorable person, Jarrod is a dick but played with so much love that you can't help but emphatize with him and hope that he gets a redemption. The story was so sweet, I was actually, like, 'awww'ing out lout at times. Also the small town vibes and the awkwardness, and the feeling of having a giant crush on someone you have never really spoken to, it's all so real, I really love it.

2. What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

That I didn't rank this as number 1 is a surprise even to myself. This is one of my favourite movies and maybe my favourite comedy film of all time. I love the show as well, but to be honest I think the film is much much better. It's just- the vibes, man. The documentary aspect is fantastic. Also, Stu.

1. Boy (2010)

This movie feels like being told a secret, it's so personal. It is small and self-contained, but at the same time it creates a world so huge and lived-in that it's hard to believe it wasn't really filmed in the eighties. The kids are adorable, the scenery is so beautiful, the story is so heartfelt and full of emotions it genuinely made me cry (not for anything in particular, just everything had been done with so much love, it made me feel so many emotions and they could only escape through tears). It is Taika Waititi's masterpiece. Where he usually leans more into the comedy, here he lets the seriousness take over when necessary, and it really works so well. I just love this film, it is amazing, go watch it right now.

...and that's it. Taika Waititi is probably my favorite director at the moment, he's got a vision and is very good at realising it. He writes heartfelt and funny stories, likeable characters, amazing dialoge and his films always look very pretty. Totally recoment any of the ones in this list!

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

my headcanons for if cornley put on a production of tgwdlm, for @marvelmaniac715 and any other cornley/hatchetfield folks <3

under a readmore because i have a lot to say sorry

chris plays paul because we know he loves that leading role. paul is supposed to show his love for his friends more and more as the show progresses, but because of everything going wrong, paul ends up becoming more and more angry at everything.

emma is initially played by vanessa (because as i have said before, my favourite goes wrongisms come from people playing characters they are ill suited for, and vanessa playing characters with much more attitude than she has is always funny to me). however, at the end of act 1 somewhere (probably somehow during join us and die), she gets bonked over the head and is knocked unconscious, leaving her unavailable for the second act.

this means that they have to understudy, and who’s the only understudy they have? trevor of course (a la nick lang understudying for lauren lopez). unlike nick lang, trevor doesn’t have a single clue what he’s supposed to be doing, and delivers a monotonous performance.

during the bit near the end where paul and emma almost kiss, trevor forgets to take the blood capsule that he is supposed to spit out. (idk how they do it in the real thing but just go with me on this please). this leaves no reason for paul and emma NOT to kiss. and therefore, they very awkwardly end up actually kissing. for the christrev fans out there <3

just before inevitable starts, vanessa gains consciousness. trevor doesn’t realise. this leaves everyone in confusion as they try to deal with TWO emma’s onstage as they sing.

max plays ted, because once again, cornley playing characters that do not suit them is my favourite thing. ted does not come across as a sleezeball at all, and during the ‘kick my head’ bit, it does not feel like ted is making fun of bill in any way.

however, ted’s enjoyment of show stoppin’ number is not an act at ALL. max is genuinely just having a good time. trevor is very put off by it all. life imitates art and vice versa.

by the time ted finally dies, chris is about ready to strangle max.

bill is played by jonathan, because jonathan canonically has a daughter and i feel like the not my seed angst would feel a bit more real. because as well as making fake cornley productions go wrong, i have to make them a little bit angsty as well. for the soul.

it also means that jonathan/bill is a bit late to all of his scenes (he got stuck behind a door). i feel like there’s many scenes where bill is the first to speak, meaning that the rest of the cast is awkwardly standing there while they wait for jonathan to get in.

sandra does the alice/zoey/greenpeace girl track, as she thinks it will be a good opportunity to show off her abilities in character work. no one comments on the fact that zoey isn’t really a character for her, just kind of how she is in real life.

there’s also a certain awkwardness about jonathan and sandra playing father and daughter that i think is fun.

robert plays hidgens. obviously. the most grandiose part for the most grandiose man. he goes full-out on show stoppin’ number, but then refuses to let hidgens die, wanting to continue his musical number. this causes problems.

annie plays charlotte. the main reason for this is because i want to hear nancy zamit belt join us and die <3 but apart from that i also think it has comedic potential.

the last track left to fill is mr davidson/sam/mcnamara. the only actor left is dennis. i will let you fill in the blanks.

KIDDING i will say more because i cannot shut up about anything. anyway there is a lot of responsibility on dennis because jeff blim has a LOT of singing and a LOT of parts. why dennis was cast in this role is a mystery (in-universe. in real life it’s because i think it would cause so many problems).

he does not come in on time during the title track, which messes the whole thing up for everyone.

he gets confused during what do you want paul, and starts singing it as ‘what do you want chris?’ instead. this brings a lot of confusion to the scene.

sam does not come across as sleazy in his first scene, and instead gets mixed up about which character he is. this makes sandra as zoey’s life very difficult.

during show me your hands, he accidentally starts pointing the gun at sandra and robert as the other cops instead. he also forgets to pretend to be unconscious once he gets knocked over the head, and adds unwanted commentary about the situation (“i think they should go to the hospital, because my brain shouldn’t be blue. even if it’s not my real brain. do you think my real brain is blue too?”)

he forgets what he’s doing in you tied up my heart, meaning annie has to instruct him on what to do throughout. this creates a rather unusual dynamic between charlotte and sam, where charlotte is highly frustrated as she falls for sam’s manipulation, which isn’t very convincing.

chris has to feed him lines during the mcnamara scene. dennis gets confused and throws the watch offstage instead of the phone.

as you may have guessed, america is great again is also a disaster. (“why is america great again? we live in england!”)

also at the very end the entire set falls down. because it’s cornley and they have to end with a bang!!!

anyway if anyone else has any headcanons, feel free to add on. hope you enjoyed <3

[weaselthing]

HI. BIG OVERVIEW OC POST THING. IT'S RAINFOREST FLOODS.

have you ever thought to yourself "hey wouldnt it be cool if there was an oc story made by two guys and it was about a haunted waterpark slash arcade in a fake town in a real state". you probably haven't. but if you have youre in luck! more under the cut ok.

rainforest floods is a terrible no good ocverse made by me and my good friend crawford @dykeseesgod. everyone in it sucks and is horrible except maybe one or two side characters. it's set in the podunk middle of nowhere town of timberline, new mexico, and more specifically a waterpark/arcade called rainforest floods (title drop).

also the waterpark SUUUCKS like its budget is nothing they are in debt. the managers havent paid taxes in 15 years. anyway these are the employees. theyre bad

and these are the co-managers. theyre even worse (and also toxic old man yaoi. these refs were drawn by the aforementioned crawford)

anyway yeah. they get up to wacky hijinks in what will ideally be a tv show coming out in one million years. they're also horrible and tragic. most of it is bruce's fault. some of its not though!

ok also here's some other side characters.

^ running gag that nobody knows her name except kelsey who has a huge crush on her.

^ unnamed girl's younger brother who is constantly faced with horrors and torment at the hands of the rainforest floods employees. dont get me wrong hes annoying as fuck but he didnt deserve to run on that hamster wheel. (ref also drawn by ford)

^ jeff's girlfriend. also the coolest person in timberline new mexico. worlds most unimportant minor character but she is wonderful and loved by the producers (me and cosmo)

FUNNY OUT OF CONTEXT THINGS THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU MORE INVESTED IN THIS OCVERSE

rainforest floods stupidity logic is a thing me and robbie came up with to explain why all the characters are idiots who dont find things out that are important to the plot too soon.

there's a chain gimmick restaurant that andy's whole family runs except him. its like italian food but its like also magicians. their tagline is "so good its practically magic". andy hates it.

kyle has a curse on him so that nobody remembers or recognizes him outside of like. his family. so the rff employees arent even targeting him for their shenanigans on purpose theyre all just weird freaks.

kelsey gives unnamed girl the company landline as her phone number because shes stupid and a ghost and doesnt have a phone.

the employees all get together on wednesdays in the breakroom and compare evidence on whether or not andy and bruce are together romantically. its the one thing that truly bonds them all together.

vincent: is a watchmojo fan, had his first kiss as beethoven in his 12th grade production of dog sees god confessions of a teenage blockhead (2004), gets really christian in some episode subplot, is not a swiftie but he is a gaylor, wishes he was jonathan sims sooooo bad, types like a toddler who was just given a keyboard.

vincent also ruined rainforest floods' lobby playlist

also there's a brand account that we run and post on whenever we feel like it. its more of a sounding board for ideas we may explore more in the future. its fun but it may be a bit difficult to get the full idea with the execution so :-( sorry you wont fully understand our wonderful and hilarious visions

annnd i think that's it. yay worlds silliest yet most tragic oc story. ok bye ^_^

[sublimesublemon]

wicked thoughts, under cut for brevity:

oh no. there is exposition text at the beginning. this ain't a good start, y'all. this is a very very bad start

okay okay this is winning me over, it does just look so joyful in oz, during the overture

why the change from "atrocious" to "uncanny"? seems unnecessary, and i don't think it gets across the anger and hatred as much - "uncanny" is weird, "atrocious" is bad

a burning efigy in the middle of the this cutesy little colourful village

the flash-forwards of their friendship........ guys why are you DOING this??? your audience isn't stupid!!! even if they didn't already know the story of wicked going into the theatre, i think the subtle "glinda the good witch is singing about how wonderful it is that the wicked witch of the west is dead, but has a pained look on her face" acting is an intriguing hook to get them curious about the story to come!!!!! "is it true you were her friend?" "yes... well, i did know her... (*flashes of glinda and elphaba touching hands*) our paths did cross..." is NOTHING. cut that shit out, wicked 2024! (of course, it's a 2-hour 40-minute movie that is the first act of a 2-hour 45-minute musical, so i imagine there will be lots of time for throwing in exposition dumps and whatnot (i swear i'm not trying to go into this with a judgement already. i love wicked so much, and i want to love this movie so much))

i do admit it's nice that the dialogue has a little space to breathe. i've never really minded, but on reflection the stage production is very... rapid

i really do love the environments. like, the sets and costumes and shit in the background - it really is such a fantastical world, cartoonish and childlike and bright

GOD cynthia erivo can fuckin BELT it. this might be telling on myself a little bit, but i was so focused on how stunning i knew ariana grande was gonna be as galinda (i was right, ofc, btw) that i didn't even consider that this newest elphaba might possibly hold a candle to idina menzel (high praise)

get the fuck out of here with ANOTHER FLASHFORWARD????? of something bad happening in oz???????? god trust your fucking audience

oh my god this fiyero is here to FUCK (and i agree with every person at the school also wanting to reciprocate)

the reality of oz such that sometimes people just break into song and/or dance, and that any given group of people can potentially just join in a dance number, choreography and all, without batting an eye - that this is just how the world works is a wonderful way of demonstrating how oz is just simply a different land than our own. much like barbie 2023

i mentioned before that i liked letting things breathe in this movie - elphaba's and galinda's scene where they dance at the oz dust ballroom has literally made me tear up, something i don't think the stage production did, and the ost hasn't

this movie is so gay. we love it

in the promos when i saw oz displayed as an actually green city, i was a little upset bc i've always been especially tickled by the fact that the emerald city isn't made of emeralds. everyone just wears emerald-colored glasses. i think that's a very pointed and sinisterly funny commentary on self-delusion of the goodness of a blatantly shitty government. furthermore, the green glasses were an explicit part of the show. they sold em with the posters. i still have a pair from when i saw the production in high school. i'm very disappointed that they didn't find some way to use them. they would have fit right into this movie. sigh

i do love oz as this exaggerated retrofuturistic steampunk land. that sort of thing was always implied in the book and musical but it's so cool to just see all the gears and cranks and steam and shit

i do like the cameos. i do not like that it's a new song that's basically another iteration of the expo dump at the start. hate it.

jeff goldblum is fucking inspired casting. cold take, but not wrong. love it

okay okay okay we're here at the end of part one, the climax of the show... please don't let me down, "defying gravity" from wicked 2024...

i can't believe they turned a 6-minute song into the last half hour of the movie. i can't believe i was fine with it. it could have been so cheesy, so flat, so pretend. it was...

good. this movie was good. still shouldn't have been 2 movies. i loved this adaptation so much.

[lucitumb1r]

I have no idea what a receptacle is, so I’ll assume it is an unusual object.

Recently, you dropped your phone when fiddling with your keys, it was unfortunate, it was ill timed and generally, it sucked.

So you got a refurbished one for a decent price from a less-than decent fellow, who had you checking your shoulder upon leaving.

Now you’ve charged the phone, since it was handed over empty, and you turn it on.

“Hello? Hello hello?” A strange almost ghostly voice answers like you called someone.

“Uuh, wrong number?” You try, feeling a bit lost.

“How can that be? This is the only place I can call!”

What?

“Who are you?” You ask, checking your drive way to see if you were followed somehow anyway.

“I am a genie! I can grant you three wishes, then I’ll be out of power, and you’ll have to charge me again.”

Oh that sounds like a jackpot, what’s the catch?

“Sounds neat, any rules attached to this?”

The genie makes a small noise of confirmation.

“Yes, I can only grant wishes of requests that a phone can execute.”

That has you pause.

“So, I can ask you to perform three acts on this phone, then it’s empty?”

“Yes.”

“And checking Twitter counts as one?”

“Yes, although the first one has to be to unlock the phone for that.”

Great, no wonder it was getting sold.

“Uh huh.. So you can do what any phone can do, but only three times before you run out of juice?”

“Yes.”

You think about it, genies are powerful, but this one seems to be anything but, more of a nuisance really. But getting them out would cost a lot and you don’t have that kind of money.

Oh wait, money!

“Genie, I wish to gain access to the phone.”

“Your wish has been granted! For as long as the phone has power.” The genie tells you gently, though the voice sounds a little too smooth to be humble.

“I wish to access one of the bigger bankaccounts of Jeff Bezos.”

“Ooh, you’re a smart one, aren’t you?”

“If you cooperate and don’t try anything funny, I’ll get you out of there.”

There’s a bit of silence.

“Deal, make my greatest wish come true, and I’ll return the favor.”

While most genies are found in rings, bottles, lamps, and the like, others prefer different items as long as they find them comfortable. Today, you’ve found a genie living within a rather…unexpected receptacle.

[forensicated]

Some more quotes from around series 18/19/20

They seem to be more Smithy (what a surprise!) Gina, Mickey and Dan than most...!

Jack: "Since I'm coming with you I'll drive." Mickey: "There's no need for that!" Jack: "Look - I don’t wanna pull rank on you! Get your jacket!" Jeff Simpson: It feels very invasive having the contents of your wallet photocopied. Mickey: Well you'll live - unlike some!

Gina "There was a time I could drink any officer under the table. You ask the Super at Barton Street, I've still got the scars to prove it. Alright, hands up, you win, there's a good girl. Now, call us a cab." Smithy *giggles drunkenly* "You're a cab" Smithy "Ahh but you've never taken on a Dale Smith before have you?" Receptionist "Can I see your ID again please?" Smithy *annoyed* "You can take a photocopy if you want!" Debbie "In future Smithy, when I make a decision about a C.I.D case, I'd like you to give me the professional courtesy not to question it." Smithy "I wasn't questioning it. You were wrong!" Smithy (to snotty receptionist) Thanks for your help! *walks off muttering* "It's good to know the NHS is in such safe hands" *After seeing Cam and Kerry hug* Smithy: Oi Oi! *Smithy leaning against the front desk - tries to escape as Mr Lovett enters* Mr Lovett: Hey - I want to report a crime!! Smithy: *mutters* I thought you might . . . The old squirrels been digging up your lawn again have they Mr Lovett?! Mr Lovett: Don't you be flippant with me, sunshine!!

Cam: Kerry helped me out … Smithy: I bet she did! There's nothing they like more then to catch us with our defenses down, makes us easy targets. As long as she didn't take advantage… Cam: Thanks for your concern Sarge, but she didn’t. She wouldn’t… Smithy: No? Well you obviously don't know Kerry that well *walks off* Smithy: *leant against the wall holding Andrew - DS McAllister’s son's - hand* Well I don't usually go a lot for kids but er . .he's quite handsome ain't he! Debbie: Would you mind having. . . Smithy: Nah - you're alright! *Talking bout Des and Reg* Gina: Des was his hero! Smithy: Yeah - who recently tried to kill him! *Smithy and Reg are guarding Niamh's body in the Chapel Of Rest - a security guard is patrolling - they think it's Des. Smithy charges at him and pushes him against the wall, pinning his arms behind his back* Reg: LEAVE IT . . TURN AROUND . . . *Smithy makes the bloke turn round* It's the security guard Sarge! Smithy: *Innocently* Is it!? . . .*lets go* Oh - sorry mate . . . your boss said he was gonna cancel you for tonight! Security Guard: Did he? Smithy: Yeah . . still er. . . no hard feelings eh . . . *slaps him on the back* Smithy: "So the brief says to this probationer 'Was that a yes or a no officer?' and as he opened his mouth to speak he threw up all over the witness box." Gabriel: "That probationer wasn't you was it Sarge?" Smithy: "Very funny." Kerry: "Des is just upset because the kid blew him a kiss before driving off." Dale: "Awww!" Des: "Very funny!" Kerry: "Men and their emotions!" *Arches eyebrow and walks off leaving Dale glaring.* Debbie: "Anything interesting?" Mickey: "Well if you get off on checking phone records yes." Juliet: "She's in a good mood" Mickey: "She's always like that when someone tries to pull her." Juliet: "Really?" Mickey: "Yeah - last night apparently." Juliet: "Anyone we know?" Mickey: "Well with Debbie McAllister’s choice in men it could be any number of psychotics." Juliet: "Oh come on, that's a bit unfair isn’t it?" Mickey: "She's always coping off with nutters. Husband ended up shooting himself. Juliet: "Yeah - I heard something about that." Mickey: "Tom Chandler was as sick as they come. But Debbie - she couldn’t get enough of it." Juliet: "Debbie was married to Superintendent Chandler?" Mickey: "Yeah. I don't know who I felt sorry for sorry for the most till the Super shot himself. Juliet: "Wow!" Mickey: "Anyone who gets involved with Debbie McAllister needs their head testing!"

Mickey: *bout Christmas* “I’m sure you had a lovely time with your family at Christmas. But some of us used to dread that poxy tree going up every year. Do you know, all it meant to me was me old man hitting me mother, me mother hitting me old man, and poor little old me on all fours hiding behind the sofa, begging them to stop. Happy bloody Christmas eh?!” *Kid noses in a folder Smithy: "You alright there?" Kid: "Erm, I'm, looking for PC Taviner" Smithy: *Closes folder* "Well you ain't gonna find him in there are ya?" *About the kid that steals the area car* Dale: "He left bout 20 minutes ago." Des: "Didn't you think of holding him till I got back?" Dale: "What for? Visiting a police station in a built up area?"

Man: (in hospital that Mickey and Duncan are visiting) Come on - get us a nurse lads? Mickey: (walking of with Duncan) Breaks your heart, dunnit Man: I heard that!

*Kerry trying to flirt* Kerry: *Sees hole in Dale’s uniform* “Aww look, you’ve ripped your uniform” Dale: “Yeah I did it on a fence. Don’t do that, you’ll make the hole bigger” Kerry: “Got someone who can mend it for you?” Dale: “I can sew” Kerry: “Well show me when you’ve done it, I’ll give you marks out of ten” *Kerry’s continued attempts to flirt, and Smithy’s first response.* Kerry: “Work smarter not harder, isn’t that what you say Sarge?” Dale: “I don’t appreciate it being quoted back at me though” Kerry: “What even when I’m right?” Dale: “Especially when you’re right” Kerry: “You should take it as a compliment Sarge; it means I listen to you!” Dale: “Nah, look, you’ve been working really well all round lately. Focused, intelligent. It’s good to see. Kerry: “As opposed to what? Earlier?” Dale: “Accentuate the positives.” Kerry: “You what?” Dale: “I’m simply swapping compliments with you PC Young; in fact, I may go as far as taking you out for a drink tonight. What do you think?” Kerry: “Don’t you have to ask me first?” Dale: *Rolls his eyes and clears his throat* OK, “Would you, like to come out for a drink with me? And I don’t mean with half the relief this time. Just you and me” Kerry: “When?” Dale: “Tonight.” Kerry: “Love to, yeah” Smithy: "I wonder if the Inspector would think it a good idea to go behind your Sergeants back?" Kerry: "Probably not!" Kerry: "You're down here cos you fancy me" Dale: "You don’t know what you're talking about!" Kerry: "Big brave solider Smithy. The only thing he can't handle is his own emotions. You're such a cliché mate, it’s laughable!" *Kerry starts to undress* Dale: "What you doing?" Kerry: "This is what you're after isn’t it?" Dale: "You what?" Kerry: "Sex without any strings." Dale: "You're behaving like a slag!" Kerry: "Oooh I love it! You treat me like a slag. But you don’t want me to behave like one. Tell me to stop." Dale: *Eyes her warily* "You're making a fool of yourself." Kerry: "Do you want me to stop? I will if you tell me to" *She pulls Smithy's tie off as he grabs her arm. Dale: "I've told ya" *She kisses him* Kerry: "Come on Sarge" Mickey: (To Jim) You’re their FLO. Shouldn’t you be washing up or something Mickey: Maybe it was Jack the Ripper, come back to terrorise the Larkmead Shopping Centre. Smithy to Des "No, I agree with Reg. If you want a pink panda sweetheart you can have one" Des "I don't want one!" *coy* "it's not my colour..."

Smithy: (to Andrea) We're like two lost souls on a boat. Andrea: what boat's that then? Smithy: I've got no idea... listen, listen Andrea: What? Smithy: It's not the size of the vessel... Andrea: No, don't say it! Smithy: but it's the motion of the ocean

Gabriel: Wonder where we'd have gone for my stag party... Smithy: *mutters* Some dive probably... Gabriel: Well it's usually the best man's job isn't it....and that'd probably have been you. Gabriel: I got jealous some times....it was always Smithy this, and Smithy that...and I was like yeah, alright Kerry... Smithy: Alright Gabriel...

Andrea (about Gabriel): You know he's covering something up Smithy Smithy: Well, that makes two of you

Roger: That could have been the shortest stint I've ever seen. Squished like a cat on your first day. Dan: You're all heart Roger: Oh, Me? I'm famous for it.

Smithy: *to Gina* But I forgot! You don't need any help from anyone, ever, do ya! Gina: ....I haven't got the big support network to fall back on! Smithy: The irony is that you have! You just won't let them!

Jack: Well you might think he's corrupt. But I know my officers. Liz: You didn't know about his affair with Andrea Dunbar... Mickey: The point is, he's married to the prosecution barrister. Jack: So? Liz: Which makes him uniquely placed. Mickey: His marriage his rocky. His mistress is dead. Liz: He's at home, feeling sorry for himself. Mickey: McGowan comes along, offers him a nice juicy bung. Liz: Manson uses his wife to gain access to the witness, who suddenly decides to clam up on us. Jack: This is all conjecture. Liz: It's a theory. For which we need evidence. Mickey: Which is where you come in, Guv. It would make things easier round here if we could have your co-operation. There's a couple of Neil Manson's cases we'd like to look into, for evidence of corruption. *Phil knocks* Alright Phil? Phil: Hello Mickey! Jack: Just excuse me a minute will you? Phil...*takes him outside* Did you know about Neil and PC Dunbar? ....Did you? Phil: *looks awkward before nodding* What's this about? Jack: We've got the national crime squad in there making a fool out of me and this department. Liz: *walks out and looks at them* Just going to get a coffee... Jack: I'm just off to the gents, *to Phil* I think you'll find you need to go too

Mickey: Guv Neil: Hello Mickey. What're you guys up to? Jack: *quickly* Shouldn't you be enjoying your time off? You're not going to have any when you get back here.

[maraczeks]

community s6 thread pt 2

[dreamsister81]

Jeff Buckley and me, taken outside The Trocadero and in front of Jeff Buckley's tour bus.

The Trocadero: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, May 20, 1995

.

.

.

Jeff Buckley and Me

100 Things: Number 56

By Alec Sarkas

I saw Jeff Buckley in concert.

Jeff Buckley was the opening act to Juliana Hatfield when I went to see him in Philly at The Troc. I liked Juliana at the time, but I was there to see and hear Jeff. Juliana started getting heavy rotation on MTV and the audience reflected that. There were the cool people there for sure but there were also the Jocks and tag-along boyfriends.

He was amazing. I had already loved his music so much then that I closed my eyes and let his songs flow through me. I was very close to the stage. I remember these cool girls shoved themselves up to the front when Jeff ended his set with “Last Goodbye” and when people were giving them dirty looks they said, “What? It’s a concert!” I thought that was funny. I could tell they loved Jeff and we started jumping up and down in Rock mode to the then popular ballad.

I left by the time Juliana came on. This was mostly her concert crowd and the pit started to get dangerous and crushing so I squeezed my way out. After making it to the lobby I was staring at all the Jeff merchandise for sale there. I was debating getting a Jeff Buckley tour T-shirt. As I’m sitting there wondering if I’d have to spend all my money and be poor for awhile I spotted Jeff. He was just feet behind me talking to people on the 21+ side. I speedily made my way toward him but was stopped by a security guard but it wasn’t what you think. He asked for my ID to see if I was over 21. I fumbled for my wallet all the while keeping my eye on Jeff.

After a bit I had my chance to talk to Jeff. He was exactly as you would imagine him to be. He gave off an aura of creativity. He was extremely good-looking. He actually saw and remembered me from the audience and said, “You were in front, right? Yeah I saw you!” I fell massively in love with him. I told him how I discovered his music. I said that I found his Sin-é EP and it was hard for me to pronounce the word Sin-é. He told me how to pronounce it and I apologized for getting it wrong. “That’s OK. A lot of people get it wrong.” I said that I wanted a picture with him but that I left my camera in my car because they didn’t allow photos to be taken in the venue. He told me to wait for him outside, in front of the Troc because he and the band had to pack up their instruments soon. He said, “And remember…Don’t leave until we get a picture together.”-via jeffbuckley.com

[itrytowrite-things]

Murder podcasts

Spencer Reid x reader 

Summary: Y/N has a tendency to listen to murder podcasts while doing chores, one day Spencer comes in unannounced scaring Y/N into action. (This summary sucks but it’s fluffy) 

A/N: shout out to @with-paint, she helped me form some of this fic so check them out. 

The eerie background music and narrator filled the kitchen as I scrubbed diligently at a plate. I blinked down at it, trying in vain to remember what the hell I used it for that would cause such a stubborn stain of food. Sighing, I squeezed the soap bottle some more and ran hot water over it. Maybe soaking it would help? 

Grabbing a few of the cups I had washed, I spun around from the sink to a towel I had laid out earlier. I scrunched my nose as cold soap suds ran down my arm, hit my elbow and fell to the floor in a sticky mess I didn’t want to deal with right now. 

I was so engrossed in the podcast playing over the Alexa that I barely even processed the grueling chore that was longer than normal. I was lost in the words, that an hour longer scrubbing at dishes seemed almost fun. The dishwasher had completely died a couple of weeks ago. 

Normally Spencer would speed read the manual to figure out what was wrong with the stupid machine. But unfortunately, his case in Michigan was taking longer than he anticipated. So, he hadn’t been home to look into it, leaving me to hand wash the dishes. I didn’t mind, it was a mindless task and allowed me to catch up on my favorite podcast. 

“They found her body a week later, twenty minutes from their house,” I shook my head at that, case freaking solved. Her husband obviously killed her. I mean there’s no way the police didn’t solve this case, come on.

I moved from the towel back to the sink, sticking my hands back into the soapy water. I always believed that I should be a detective. I could solve these cases easily, Spencer claims that suspicion can only take me so far and the reason that they don’t catch the guy is not because they don’t suspect it, but because they don’t have hard evidence. I normally just scoff and give him a kiss knowing that I would get the bad guy in the end, “hard evidence” my ass. 

“Two months later the police came in and found Jeff’s disembodied head laying on their kitchen counter.” My jaw dropped and I turned around furiously, bringing a wet butter knife with me, on instinct I pointed the knife at the device. 

“Oh shit.” I said to the speaker, as if it were relaying the case itself. Well turns out I was wrong. I cleared my throat and lowered the stupid knife. I placed it down and tried my best to look less scandalized. We all make mistakes. So I might have been a little off in my husband theory, but I mean I had only heard half the case at that point so it doesn’t speak anything of my amazing detective skills. I nodded at that and tossed the knife into a little stack of silverware. The metallic sound echoing around the kitchen. I smirked at my good throw and turned back to the sink. 

I quickly got into the true grove of washing the dishes, listening to the more gruesome details of the case. Turns out the killer did quite a number on old Jeff. I was halfway done with the remaining dishes when I felt a tap on my shoulder sending my heart into a frenzy. 

I whirled around quickly bringing the closest item with me as a weapon. The plastic spatula slapped the asalint straight in the face creating an awfully loud twack sound that bounced off the kitchen walls. I blinked in horror at realizing who exactly was standing in front of me. 

Spencer's cheek turned red immediately. 

“Oh my god! Spence! I am so sorry!” I dropped the spatula and brought my other hand to his face trying to soothe his skin. My hand was covered in water and soap suds, and it dripped down his face onto the already wet floor.

“I am so so sorry. You scared me.” I rubbed my thumb over the spot, feeling his heated skin. Jesus, I felt awful. I didn’t hold anything back when I hit him. I figured I was fending for my life, not greeting my boyfriend. 

“It’s okay.” His much larger hand cupped mine removing it from his face. The redness had died down a little, making his skin a rosy pink instead of the previous bright red. He looked adorable which only made me feel worse. Who looks that cute after getting slapped in the face with a spatula? 

Spencer startled me yet again when a chuckle came bubbling out of him. His laugh was like someone bottled the sound of happiness. It made my own laughter arise every time without a doubt even if I didn’t understand what was funny.

“I guess I don’t have to worry about you protecting yourself.” A loud squeak sound emitted from my body unexpectedly followed by more laughter. I slapped him very lightly across the chest, kissing his unharmed cheek. 

“You're lucky I wasn’t cutting vegetables.” I said,  rustling my way into his arms pulling his body against my tightly, loving the way his laughter shook my entire body. I felt the short press of his lips against the crown of my head before tucking my head into the nook of his neck. I inhaled deeply, taking the scent of him with me. The apartment had started to lose its scent with him being gone for so long. I was beyond eager for the apartment to smell like us again.

“I think those podcasts are giving you wild ideas.” 

“They would never find your body Dr.Reid.” I teased, poking gently at his side making him squirm in my grip. Another round of laughter filled the small space, it was only when it died down that I realized my podcast was still running in the background. 

“Alexa, stop,” I shouted into the air stopping the podcast. “The neighbor did it.” I said with coincidence knowing that my answer was correct this time. Spencer let out a belt of laughter, nodding his head, a big grin on his face. 

I pulled back from Spencer taking in his features for the first time. He looked tired, his eye bags had doubled creating a skunk in effect. I could see the trouble in his eyes, the case was hard. It killed me to see him after a hard case, he looked more and more defeated after each one. However, it was what he loved doing and my job wasn’t to erase the trauma of his job, but to ease him back into daily life. I thumbed his eye bags lazily, a pout taking over my face. 

“You wanna take a shower and I’ll start us some dinner.” I asked gently. Not wanting to completely destroy the quiet we created. He nodded slightly looking younger than ever. I quickly pulled him back into me taking all of his weight. “I love you bub.” His hair felt silky against my fingertips as I disentangled the curls. 

“Love you too.” He mumbled, his heated breath warming my skin. I waited a few comfortable minutes rocking our conjoined bodies in the cozy silence of our kitchen, I took a deep breath and said what was on my mind. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

I don’t ever ask Spencer for the details of his cases. He either goes into a tangent without prompting or doesn’t feel like talking about it. I used to think that talking to Spencer about his job would be like listening to my murder podcasts. It honestly was one of the things I was excited for, but I soon found out it’s nothing like that.

When Spencer spoke of cases it was personal. He felt every death that was caused and saw every killing through the eyes of monsters. He held so much emotion in his voice when he spoke of the victims, that I often can’t help but cry. How a person can hold that much pain and still continue to do it everyday, is beside me. 

He shook his head, squeezing my torso before finally pulling back and placing a soft kiss to my lips. 

I continued the dishes, washing the last few. I left the podcast off, listening instead to the shower from down the hall. I scrubbed off the last of the grime before starting the oven. A simple dinner was always best in these situations. I pulled out a pre-made chicken pot pie from the freezer and placed it in the oven. 

As I moved to dry and put away the dishes while waiting for pie to finish. Spencer emerged from the bathroom freshly bathed. He wore a thin gray shirt paired with some soft looking sweatpants. My upper lip jutted out automatically. God I love him. 

“Feel better?” I kept my voice low, not wanting to startle any peace that the shower might have brought him. He nodded slowly. 

“What did you cook?”

“A chicken pot pie, I hope that’s okay.” 

“It’s perfect.” He smiled and returned to my arms, kissing my neck once before tucking his head into my neck. The edge of his wet hair scraped against my skin in an uncomfortable way, yet I only moved enough to rub circles into his back. 

A loud beep emitted from the oven caused me to jump in Spencer's arms. He let out a small chuckle. 

“Pick us something to watch and I’ll plate us some food.” I hummed turning my back to him. I heard him walking towards the living room as I bent to retrieve the hot food. 

Spencer sat criss cross on the couch, Les Enfants du Paradis was displayed on the TV. I handed him the steaming bowl and sat down, sitting close enough for our knees to knock together. I have no idea what Les Enfants du Paradis was, but I would watch literally anything he wanted as long as he was here. 

“It’s in French, but I figured I could whisper the translations to you while we watch. Or I could pick something else?” 

“No! This is perfect Spence. I love it when you translate, you tell the story better.” He let out a little blush highlighting his previous slap mark. I bit my lip and winced slightly, “How’s your face?” 

He touched the spot faintly, he didn’t wince when his fingers made contact which was a good sign. However, I have an inkling that a small bruise would form in the center of the slap which was going to be a fun story to tell his colleagues Monday. 

“I’ve had worse, but you wield a lot of power with a cheap piece of plastic.”

“I am professionally trained in the art of spatula wielding Spence, don’t try that at home.” I stared at him, my face blank before a blast of laughter came out of both of us. One can only be so serious when you are talking about slapping people in the face with kitchen utensils. 

Spencer started up the movie, and we remained there for the rest of the evening. Laughter and dramatic sighs followed by even more dramatic translations from Spencer. At some point he went so off script that even I could tell his story was bullshit. I didn’t call him out though just allowed him to spit nonsense, I would let him create fake French stories until he was blue in the face if that meant we got to stay in this happy bubble forever. 

[words-after-midnight]

Five things I never get tired of writing.

Open tag!

Thank you @rsdan for tagging me. 😊

1. Foreshadowing. I love narrative symbolism in general, but my forte is absolutely foreshadowing, and that's because I've had a lot of practice with it from a young age. Life in Black and White - my main project since I was 17 - being an ending-centered story (ie. the ending is the "point" of the story, and impacts your perspective in a way that your first and second readthroughs should each be a fundamentally different experience - think Lehane's Shutter Island, if you've read it/seen the movie), it is foreshadowing-heavy. Foreshadowing begins from the first page and permeates the story - it's present structurally, in titles, in motifs, in symbols, in formatting, and in the text and subtext of the story itself. Number of readers who have guessed my ending before I wanted them to? Zero. I'm really proud of this, especially considering how blatant some of the foreshadowing is, lmao. Anyway, thinking of good foreshadowing and executing it in a story never gets old for me.

2. Motifs and recurrent lines. I love to use motifs as representations of different aspects of a story and/or its themes. Motifs/symbols present in Life in Black and White include:

- Midnight

- The moon/moonlight

- Storms and wind

- Candles/fire

- The number twelve

- Clocks/time

- The butterfly effect

- The song "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear" (yes, the Christmas song)

- Examples of recurrent lines: "Something's wrong"; "dead silence"; "is something burning?"

3. Dialogue between characters that have good chemistry and/or an interesting dynamic. Dialogue is one of my strengths and favorite things to write, and I absolutely love writing character relationships where the dialogue/banter just flows effortlessly. Fun fact, this factor was single-handedly responsible for my character Jeff's promotion from guest comic relief character to major character, and ultimately to antagonist of Life in Black and White. His chemistry with my protagonist was immaculate from their first written interactions. Despite the fact that I have extremely complicated feelings about their relationship, I absolutely love writing their interactions. I usually get all of the dialogue for their scenes first, write it down in sequence, and then fill in the blanks with tags and descriptions/body language as needed.

4. Dark queer relationships. A centerpiece of most of my stories is relationships (not always romantic in nature) between queer characters that are toxic, abusive, or otherwise unhealthy. Some will say it's bad representation, but it's these kinds of intense, complex, and dark relationship dynamics that I personally find interesting to write. Luckily, this is not at all reflective of my real-life relationships, and I do have "healthy" queer relationships in my fictional universe - they just typically are not the focus of stories. Don't forget that I'm a crime and horror writer. My characters aren't always good people, so it naturally follows that their relationships are not going to be beds of roses, either.

5. Character-driven stories. This is kind of funny because my long-form stories are pretty much always predominantly genre (usually some combination of crime fiction and horror/horror subgenres), but they typically have at least a bit of a literary-esque narrative style or format, because I really love focusing a story around 1-3 central characters and making those characters super complex and fleshed-out. The con of this approach is that my "side" characters (and their relationships with the central characters) often wind up seeming lackluster in comparison, but I pride myself on creating memorable central characters that readers find fascinating, because I work super hard for that result.

[just-a-creep-babe]

What type of April fools pranks would the creeps pull

-tiny anon

I, ah, went more-so with how they act on April fools instead of what pranks they do, mostly just cause I’m bad at thinking of pranks :”)

ALSO I didn’t have much time to write this & I wanted it out by today, so it might not be as refined as my other writing 😳👉👈

Nonetheless, hope this is alright! ☺️💖

Masterlist: x

Slenderman

No pranks from him tbh

This tired eldritch dad is, unfortunately, probably gonna (unintentionally) get the brunt of most pranks—just cause he’s at the wrong place at the wrong time 😐😔

And, y’know, you would THINK that because he’s telepathic, he’d be able to get a read on what the lil shits are planning, right?

But nope

He never prods into the others’ brains unless he has a reason to (out of respect for their privacy), so he ultimately always ends up paying the price

It doesn’t help that he tends to forget humans have this specific tradition once a year

Otherwise, he probably WOULD peer into their minds to find out what they’re planning

It somehow just always sneaks up on him smh

There was maybe only one year that he just so ~happened~ to remember

And that was pretty much the only year he didn’t get fooled by anyone/anything ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jeff the Killer

Oh boy

One of the absolute worst people to get pranked by

When he combines forces with BEN?

The two are unstoppable

Pranks range from the classic slime-over-the-doorframe trick to some of the most innovative, dickish pranks he can think of

If only he used his powers for good 😔👊

He can & WILL flip the entire mansion around, if need be, to prank people

Nothing’s off limits if it means he gets to humiliate someone

(Even though he should know not to cross certain boundaries smdh)

He pretty much always ends up having to do EXTRA chores for Slender as a punishment for going too far :”)

BEN Drowned

My mans is part of the aforementioned chaos duo

Being a ghost entity that roams the internet, he happens to get ~plenty~ of ideas to fool the others with

He will legit spend WEEKS planning ahead for what he wants to do, how he wants to do it & how it’s all going to go down

Again, if only he used his powers for good :”)

This day of the year is, like, legit the one & only day he plans everything out to a tee

He’s usually a lazy boi™️ but no shortcuts are EVER to be taken on April fools

His fave victims include Masky (it’s funny to see him get so upset), Dark Link (I mean, he’s not gonna pass up an opportunity to embarrass his rival), and, surprisingly, Jeff

He LOVES turning the tables on his prank buddy

Jeff tries to get him back for it, but it’s very difficult to properly fool BEN 👀

Such are the perks of being a super smart internet-lurking ghost, I suppose 🤷‍♀️

Eyeless Jack

Eh, he’s not too keen on the whole thing

He considers himself a bit too mature to deal with that kind of “childish behaviour”

He’s not very fun to prank either, because A) he’s got super fast reflexes, B) he’s got heightened senses, and C) if the others somehow manage to catch him off guard despite that, he’ll just be like “ok cool” and carry on with his day

No Shits Given

Still, knowing how goddamn chaotic the mansion gets during this time of year, more often than not, he tends to make himself sparse

Either he locks himself up in his room, or he sticks around the creeps that also don’t like the tradition, or he leaves and goes,,, wherever he usually goes when he disappears from the mansion sometimes

On the rare occasion that he does stay behind, he might help one of the creeps to get their revenge on someone that pranked them

But only if he’s feeling particular playful that day, which doesn’t happen very often

Honestly, because he takes pity on Slender, if he comes back to the mansion being a mess, he’ll help clean things up

Overall a good boi that deserves some head pats for not turning into a goddamn monkey like the others smh

Masky

Masky is essentially the 2nd tired dad figure that has to deal with “this shit again,” as he puts it

Except, unlike Slender, the others aren’t scared of him, so he might ultimately get the worse brunt of it (even worse than what his boss gets)

Something about the way he reacts just makes for some ✨quality content✨ to the others

And, just because they can, they like to film him

It sucks for Masky, because not only does he get his ass handed to him, but then the others also get blackmail footage of him 😐😐

He hates it lmfaoo

Honestly considers hiding under a rock until the day’s over

But, somehow, they always manage to find him & drag him back out into the fray

This poor manses can’t catch a break

Someone help him please—he’s too tired to deal with this 😔🤘

Hoodie

I know we haven’t gotten to him yet, but Hoodie’s somewhere between Toby & EJ when it comes to the tradition

He’s relatively laid-back & won’t actively go out of his way to fool someone

But, hey, if there’s a prank to be had like right there, who’s he to not go for it?

His pranks tend to be relatively low effort—like a joke or a lie or something that tricks someone into believing something kinda stupid

His victim makes a fool of themselves, everyone has a good laugh, then the joke’s over & people move on

Albeit sometimes, the gag lasts longer than intended

Like that one year he convinced Toby that slugs can communicate telepathically because of all the fungus they eat

And Toby believed it for many months until Slender had to break the news to him 😔😔

Also, somehow?? homeboy’s damn near impossible to prank

Many have tried, all have failed—no one knows how he does it 🤷‍♀️

Ticci Toby

Prank time! Prank time! Prank time!

Boy fucking lives for the day he gets to have fun & mess around with the others

Every year most likely ends up with him getting injured, but hey, nothing new there :/

Unlike BEN & Jeff, he probably won’t turn the mansion upside-down (both figuratively and literally smh) to trick people 

He’s more-so in it for the goofs

Like he doesn’t actually wanna humiliate or embarrass anyone too badly, ya know?

He’ll recruit others & form a prank gang because he knows there’s strength in numbers 😌✨

And it’s an unspoken code that those in the prank gang can’t prank each other

So, honestly?

Toby might be the most wholesome April fools-er out of everyone :3

[whenyouknowyouknow]

Harry the Womanizer

 This thing started because I find the whole womanizer image of Harry absolutely disgusting and wanted people to see how utterly bad and wrong it was.

Please be aware that the following does not reflect Harry’s personality but it shows us the image their label wanted him to be seen as.

Some disclaimer about where the data comes from

written, digital coverage (no print,  1-2 videos, no radio)

google search “Harry Styles”, I looked through the first 20 hits each month but didn’t read all of them ( headlines usually are a dead giveaway if an article contains a new “conquest”)

I did not list every woman that was mentioned in the same article as Harry. Also not those that showed interest in him. But most of those that were said he showed interest in (I might have skipped a few in the worst years just bc it was so freaking disgusting)

Often articles contained offhand comments about his pulling power or unrelatedly recounting his latest conquests in any given article to enforce the womanizer image. These did not make it into the list.

Deleted articles are of course not included (as of Aug 2020)

Some of the women turn up again for a round 2 (or 3 or 4), I only mention them once a year tho

I put the women into the list on the date the news coverage happened/started because many articles date back things by saying  “pics have circulated since…” “They have been reportedly seen together since…” or simply tell a story that supposedly happened a few years prior

Some dates overlap. Thats either bc they pushed several woman at once (very effective to drive the whole womanizer image home) or its bc one woman was seeded in while the other was happening.

Because this is a freaking long post, I’ll put it under the “read more”

About the list

split by years

each year has Harrys age for that given year in brackets

each data set has in brackets the age, occupation and date of news coverage for the woman (if available)

winter gf get their own category as they sometimes overlap with other woman

Some of the woman get brought back up (not just mentioned in passing), those are listed at the end of each year with the dates when they where brought back up

“again” is for those who dated him again

Women linked to Harry

2010 (16)

5(?) girls from bootcamp

Cher Loyd (17, txf fellow contestant, Oct)

unnamed girl fan (13.11.)

2011 (17)

Adele (23, singer, 27.09.)

Sarita Borge (record executive, 29.11.)

2011-2012

Caroline Flack (31, txf, 23.10.-27.01.)

2012 (18)

Pixie Geldoff (21, 09.02.)

Alexa Chung (28, model, 16.02)

Alexandra Burke (23, txf, 20.02.)

Jo Wood (56, ex of Ronny Wood 21.02.)

Denise Welch (54, actress, 21.02.)

Georgia May Jagger (20, Mick Jagger daughter, 21.02.)

Sarah-Louise Colivet (24, photographer, 11.04.)

Lily Halpern (19, singer, 11.04.)

Jillian Harris (32, reality TV star, 13.04.)

Emma Ostilly (18, actor for Gotta be You MV -  22.04.) 

Ellis Calcutt (18(?), friend, deniedm, 30.04.)

Emily Atack (22, TV star, 20.05.)

unnamed girl (Article about her one night stand with H, 06.06.)

Lucy Horobin (32, radio presenter, 24.06., dated back to Aug-Oct 2011)

Caggie Dunlop (23, TV star, 12.07.)

Allyssa Reid (19, singer, 23.07.)

Blond girl with pink bag (from a night out, 26.07.)

Cara Delevingne (19, Model, 05.08.)

Natalie Imbruglia (37, singer actress 28.09.)

 2012-13

Taylor Swift (22 singer 19.10.-07.01. (fling dated back to April 2012 then getting back together)

2013 (19)

Hermione Way (27, reality star, 08.01.)

Millie Brady (18, actress, 24.02.)

Shaniece Nesbitt (fan, 11.03.)

Yvette Fielding (44, TV presenter, 11.03.)

Fia Litton (niece of Preston Mahon (security), 14.03)

Chelsea Ferguson (25, stripper, 14.04)

Kimberly Stewart (33, confirmed by Rod, 27.04.)

Camilla Foss (18, fan in oslo, 09.05.)

Kara Rose Marshall (22, model, 03.07.)

Alexis Allen (19, fan, 21.07.)

Cara Delevingne (20, model, 11.09.)

Paige Reifler (17, model, 30.09.)

Sjana Earp (18, model, 25.10.)

Samantha Armytage (36, TV presenter, 27.10.)

Daisy Lowe (24, model, 01.12.)

Caroline Flack (brought back up, 01.02./11.09.)

2013-14

Kendall Jenner (17, model, 21.10. - 23.02)

2014 (20)

mystery brunette (20.01.)

Alison Mosshart (35, singer, 07.03.)

Daisy Lowe (25, model, 11.04.)

Larissa de Macedo Machado (21, brazilian popstar, 08.05.)

Lou Teasdale (30, hairdresser, 26.05.)

Sinitta (45, Smons ex, 22.07.)

Paige Reifler (18, again, model, 25.07.)

Meghan Trainor (20, singer, 27.08.)

blond woman (at Coldplay concert, 18.09.)

Katy Perry (29, singer, 01.10.)

Erin Foster (31, 08.10.)

Kate Moss (40, model, 03.11.)

two blond woman (leaving a club in LA with H, 30.11.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 12.02./02.03./20.08./14.10./04.12.)

Emily Atack (brought back up, 23.03.)

Caroline Flack (brought back up, 26.03.)

2014-15

Nadine Leopold (20, model, 20.12.- 12.03.)

2015 (21)

Emma Watson (24, actress, 14.01. dated back to 26.12.14)

Suki Waterhouse (23, actress, 05.04.)

Joy Muggli (23, talent agent, 12.05.)

Sara Sampaio (23, model, 15.06.)

Georgia Fowler (22, model, inspiration for Kiwi, 15.10.)

Nicole Scherzinger (34, singer, 17.10., dated back to 2013)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 15.01./13.02./10.03./08.05./13.10./28.10.)

Caroline Flack (brought back up, 24.05./11.10.)

2015-16

Kendall Jenner (again, 30.12.- 31.01.)

2016 (22)

Pandora Lennard (28, model 31.01.)

Lindsay Lohan (30, actress, 10.03., dated back unspecified)

Kendall Jenner (again, 05.09.)

Kara Rose Marshall (brought back up, 07.10.)

Suki Waterhouse (again + dated back to 2013, 11.11.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 01.02.)

2017 (23)

Tess Ward (26, food blogger, 09.05.)

Townes Adair Jones (20s, 17.05., dated back to 2014)

Camille Rowe (31, model, 31.07.)

Sjana Earp (22, again, 05.12.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 18.04./12.05./03.09./09.11.)

Kendall Jenner (brought back up, 31.01.)

2018 (24)

Delta Goodrem (33, voice coach, 27.04.) 

Camille Rowe (ends 31.07.)

Kendall Jenner (brought back up, 15.07./12.12.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 21.03./)

2019 (25)

Kiko Mizuhara (28, denied by K, 12.01.)

Camille Rowe (brought back up, 22.11.)

Kendall Jenner (brought back up, 11.12.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 23.08./04.11./13.12.)

2020 (26)

Daisy Lowe (brought back up, 20.06.)

Taylor Swift (brought back up, 02.03./24.07.)

data from here on is not included in the graphs, I will keep adding when things happen

Tracee Ellis Ross (48, actress, 28.10.)

The age differences

The graph shows clearly how

the age gaps are very big in the beginning, likely to attract an older audience in addition to the usual target audience of teenage girls

the amount of woman linked to Harry gets smaller each year because in later years, articles could just reference his history with woman

the amount of woman linked and mentioned in regards to Harry gets significantly lower after hiatus started

A rough timeline of women that where connected to Harry over the years

Why give Harry the womanizer image?

Would the image of a womanizer not damage the image of 1D?

If they’d portrait him as a sleeze it would have surely damaged the overal image of 1D. But Harrys image portrait him as charming, a bit quirky and overall an airhead that likes people and doesn’t want to be tied down. Thus giving the illusion of being potentially available to every woman and showing them a good, no strings attached, time. Which is a massive selling point for boybands to increase the age range of their fans.

In addition, all his conquests would be used to stir up drama or simply generate attention at crucial times to get 1D in the press without mentioning their current promo focus in every headline.

The winter girlfriends had a special role as they were the only ones actively worked as continuous dating. To build some attachment, have a continuous storyline that could be tied to the just released album and bridge the holiday pause, and when the relationship ended generate more drama to be used for promo.

Harry did keep on using his womanizer image to promote both his solo albums but in a very controlled manner. The numbers of new woman linked to him declined to 1 in 2019, for now we are at 0 (1) in 2020

HS promo used 3 woman as inspirations for songs (Towns, Fowler, Swift) and a tour gf (Rowe)

FL promo only uses the previous tour gf as now ex to push the storyline of a breakup album

He is very visibly changing his image while still maintaining a level of connection to his old image. Whether that's due to contractual restrictions or a strategy to not alienate to many fans is unclear

Jeff Azoff

For what I’ve seen Jeff and Harry seem close (the Azoff family having him on family pictures, posted by Jeff’s brother)

Looking at the timeline of Jeff and Harry

2014-03-25 first mention of Harry at Azoff family home in an article about Irvin

2014-04-23 first pics of Harry and Jeff at a sports event (Jeff named as a friend, no name or position yet)

2014-12-22 Jeff not named yet but identified as his agent

2015-01-10 first time Jeff being named and being the link between Harry and a woman

2016-03-07 Jeff leaves CAA as a music agent and launches his own company Full Stop Management

2016-03-11 Harry confirmed to have joined Full Stop Management

Jeff likely took over as Harry’s agent in early 2014. In 2015 Harry’s image change starts to become aparent and changed drastically after hiatus.

Harry choosing Jeffs management firm as soon as he left Modest is a clear indication that he feels Jeff will represent him how he wants

The Timeline - Women connected to Harry and Promo

I started the visual timeline in end 2011 when his womanizer image started to take off

The instances before where likely used as seeding for this image (first instance was a segment in txf where he was linked to 5 of the girl contestants and funny enough one older guy)

purple - women from the entertainment industry

pink - fans/no-names

lilac - winter gf

dark burgundy - thos who date him again

dusky pink - brought back up

light blue - single release

royal blue - album release

mid blue - other releases

dark turquoise - tour legs

Adendum: a few numbers analyzed,

[ebaeschnbliah]

Still at the centre of the web ….

For the 10th Anniversary of Sherlock BBC (July 2010) the Royal Mail released a lovely collection of six stamps, that display key characters from several episodes of the TV show, as well as hidden messages only revealed under UV light.  (X)

I took a closer look at those stamps in the Anatomy of a Stamp Series:  A Study in Pink   The Great Game   A Scandal in Belgravia   The Reichenbach Fall   The Empty Hearse   The Final Problem

Alongside those stamps and in partnership with The Royal Mint (X),  a special medal has been crafted as well to ‘celebrate Sherlock’s genius – and his nemesis’ ... to explore Sherlock’s ‘turbulent relationship with arch-rival Moriarty’ as the description says. 

A little sideways glance at that medal and the collage of images with which it is surrounded couldn’t be wrong, I thought. :)

TBC below the cut .....

That anniversary medal is available in two versios (cupro-nickel&sterling-silver) and it displays:

on one side - Moriarty’s message ‘Get Sherlock’, the note he carved on the Crown Jewel glass case in TRF, to invite Sherlock to play his game

on the obverse side - ‘The Game is on’, which is meant to be Sherlock’s modern take on the literary version ‘The Game is afoot’

James Moriarty is known to be the famous archenemy of Sherlock Holmes. Contrary to canon, Sherlock BBC introduced that character already in the first episode A Study in Pink and Jim commits suicide (alongside Sherlock) in the sixth episode of the story, which consists of 13 so far. According to canon, Sherlock fakes his suicide and comes back after his hiatus. Although Jim is considered to be really dead for years by now, notes and messages of the character turn up repeatedly on various data carriers ... electronic as well as paper. 

Interestingly, it has been chosen for the 10th anniversary of Sherlock BBC to create fan memorabilia which focuses mainly on the confontration between Sherlock and Jim, whose life ended rather quickly at Bart’s roof in The Reichenbach Fall. A great honour for a character who is long dead and seems to be irrelevant for the ongoing story of this adaptation, in which another character - Mary - married John and shot Sherlock and therefore became a sort of new archenemy. Nonetheless, not only every stamp is - in one way or another - linked to Jim Moriarty, the medal and the collage of images with which it is surrounded, displays also mainly text messages connected to Sherlock’s (in)famous nemesis Jim Moriarty. 

Here’s a summery of those texts + the corresponding screenshots in the episodes. It surprised me though, that I couldn’t match all of them. There are some interesting exceptions. First the obvious ones:

A Study in Pink

Two images have been used to create this manip for the medal collage. Both are visible thoughts out of Sherlock’s mind palace. And both screenshots don’t turn up side by side. Sherlock’s entire thinking process lies between them. Jeff Hope, the man who killed the lady in pink had been sponsored by Jim Moriarty.

RACHE  German (n.) revenge

The correct letter settles into place ... Rachel

He squats down beside the body .... wet

He reaches into her coat pockets and finds the umbrella ... dry

He moves up to the collar of her coat ... wet

He inspects the delicate gold bracelet on her left wrist ... clean

... then the gold earring attached to her left ear ... clean

... and then the gold chain around her neck ... clean

The wedding ring ... dirty

Conclusions appear in front of Sherlock’s eyes ... married ... unhappily married ... unhappily married 10+ years

While the outside of the wedding ring is still showing ... dirty

the inside registers as ... clean

Sherlock has reached a conclusion ... regularly removed

The final deduction about her ... serial adulterer

The Great Game

Three different scenes from this episode have been used for the collage. Two are connected to a serial killer called The Golem, who asphyxiates his victims. One is directly connected to Jim Moriarty, who has planned all the cases in TGG. 

1- The Golem killed Alex Woodbridge, security guard and hobby stargazer. That killer appears for the first time on Sherlock’s radar when he searches on his phone for ‘most wanted’ criminals:

JOHN: He’s dead about twenty-four hours – maybe a bit longer. Did he drown?

Sherlock has called up on his phone: Interpol Most Wanted Criminal Organisations Regional Activities LESTRADE: Apparently not. Not enough of the Thames in his lungs. Asphyxiated.

2- The Vauxhall Arches turn out to be the hiding place of the Golem and Sherlock gets the address from an informant of his homeless network. It’s a note written on a piece of paper:

SHERLOCK: Hold that cab. (John trots back to the taxi while Sherlock goes over to the girl.) HOMELESS GIRL: Spare change, sir? SHERLOCK: Don’t mind if I do. JOHN (to the cab driver): Can you wait here? (The girl hands Sherlock a piece of paper. Unfolding it, he sees that she has written “VAUXHALL ARCHES” on it. Smiling briefly, he turns and walks back to John.)

3- The third image out of this episode is one of the exceptions, because they’re not imagined or written words but an actual text line spoken by Jim Moriarty during his showdown with Sherlock at the pool.

JIM: I’ve given you a glimpse, Sherlock, just a teensy glimpse of what I’ve got going on out there in the big bad world. I’m a specialist, you see ... like you! 

A Scandal in Belgravia

It is Jim Moriarty who adviced Irene Adler how ‘to play the Holmes boys’. It is Sherlock though, who wins that game and is able to get access to Irene’s camera phone. The confirmation of his success appears on her mobil phone screen:

IRENE: Everything I said: it’s not real. I was just playing the game. SHERLOCK: I know. And this is just losing. (Slowly he turns the phone towards her and shows her the screen. She looks down at it, tears spilling from her eyes as she reads the sequence which says: I AM SHER LOCKED

The Reichenbach Fall

Three different scenes from this episode have been used for the collage.

1- Jim Moriarty sends Sherlock his invitation to play the game, while sitting inside the smashed glass cage of the crown jewels, dressed as and equipped with the insignias of a king. The message appears on Sherlock’s phone. This starts the game.

JOHN: Sherlock ... SHERLOCK: Not now. JOHN: He’s back. (Sherlock lifts his head and takes the phone. The message reads: Come and play. Tower Hill. Jim Moriarty x.

2- Sherlock searches for the traces hidden inside the residues of the kidnapper’s footprints. What might be the fifth element? Those five big questionmarks+the number 5 appear as visible thoughts out of Sherlock’s mind palace and are embedded between Sherlock’s rememberence of Jim’s threat ‘I owe you’ and Molly asking about this afterwards. It turns out to be the clue to find the kidnapped children and it marks the beginning of Sherlock’s downfall. 

SHERLOCK: I ... owe ... you. SHERLOCK: Glycerol molecule. He sighs heavily as he struggles to identify the item, seeing it in his head as: 5. ????? SHERLOCK: What are you? MOLLY: What did you mean, “I owe you”?

3- Claudette Bruhl, one of the kidnapped children, seems to recognize Sherlock as her kidnapper. The seed of doubt is sawn at Scotland Yard. Then the letters  IOU appear on the windows of a building opposite. This message proves to Sherlock that it is indeed Jim Moriarty who is behind that kidnapping case.  

LESTRADE: The kid’s traumatised. Something about Sherlock reminds her of the kidnapper. JOHN: So what’s she said? DONOVAN: Hasn’t uttered another syllable. JOHN: And the boy? LESTRADE: No, he’s unconscious; still in intensive care. (In the building opposite Scotland Yard, all the lights in the offices come on. On the second floor, spray paint has been applied to three of the office windows. Sherlock stares at the enormous letters that have been painted: I O U

The Empty Hearse

From this episode two different words out of one of Sherlock’s mind palace deductions have been used for the collage. Sherlock is working on the fake Jack the Ripper case (How I did it), which had been planned by Anderson to lure Sherlock back to London because he firmly believed the detective not to be dead. Sherlock notices the trick though. He comes to the conclusion that the fake corpse is only six moths old and its Victorian outfit had been exposed to first: sun and then: fire damage. (Sun exposure, fire damage, undead .... it’s a bit hard to not get ideas about Dracula here ... X X X  :)

The words ‘pine & cedar’ are displayed again as visible thoughts out of Sherlock’s mind palace. And just like in ASIP those words lie several screenshots appart. For some reasons ‘spruce’ has been ignored: 

LESTRADE: This one’s got us all baffled. SHERLOCK: Mmm. I don’t doubt it. (..... Sherlock sniffs at the body and tries to decide what he is picking up: PINE? SPRUCE? CEDAR NEW MOTHBALLS Moving on, he sniffs again: Carbon particulate ... He sniffs more deeply: Fire Damage

The Final Problem

Images of three different scenes out of this episode have been used for the collage. 

1- The movie Mycroft is watching in his private cinema at his place is interrupted first by images of an old family video, then by Eurus’ message on screen ... “I’m back”. It  announces the return of Eurus, the secret sister.

I’M BACK VOICE: Mycroft ... Mycroft ... MYCROFT: Why don’t you come out and show yourself? I don’t have time for this. CHILD’s VOICE: We have time, brother dear. All the time in the world.

2- Sherlock stands in front of the ‘funny gravestones’ at Musgrave Hall and puts together the dates on the stones until he has a long string of numbers in front of him ... visible thoughts out of Sherlock’s mind palace. This brings Sherlock finally the solution to Eurus’ riddle.

.... 1520 1818 2426 1617 1822 32

3- Just like the numbers, the four verses of Eurus’ riddle appear as visible thoughts out of Sherlock’s mind palace. He connects the string of dates from the gravestones to the verses. It is the second verse that has been used for the collage.

I that am lost, oh who will find me? Deep down below the old beech tree Help succour me now the east winds blow Sixteen by six, brother, and under we go! Without your love, he’ll be gone before Save pity for strangers, show love the door. My soul seek the shade of my willow’s bloom Inside, brother mine - Let Death make a room. Be not afraid to walk in the shade Save one, save all, come try! My steps - five by seven Life is closer to Heaven Look down, with dark gaze, from on high. Before he was gone - right back over my (h)ill Who now will find him? Why, nobody will Doom shall I bring to him, I that am queen Lost forever, nine by nineteen.

The exceptions ...

So far, these have been the obvious links between the images used for the collage and the corresponding episodes of Sherlock BBC. Beneath follow the less obvious and the ones I failed to find a match for. 

Blue chemistry ...

There are two episodes in which chemical formulas are displayed in the form of drawings. 

1- In The Hounds of Baskerville (S2/2) Sherlock is looking for a monstrous hound from hell. Instead he finds the H.O.U.N.D. project in which experiments had been conducted with a deleriant drug, based on fear and stimulus. The informations on this project are key-coded by the name MAGGIE (short for Margaret Thatcher)

2- In The Six Thatchers (S4/1) Sherlock tries - with the help of Toby the bloodhound - to track down the person who smashes plaster busts of Margaret Thatcher in order to find a hidden flash drive with secret informations about A.G.R.A. a group of terrorists. One of the four members had been Mary Watson.

Although there exist several drawn chemical formulas in both episodes, very similar to the one used for the collage, and despite I scanned those scenes screenshot by screenshot, I wasn’t able to find a perfect match. Maybe I still missed something. Maybe that formula on the collage is indeed just an unrelated decoraton .... But it’s interesting to note that the story connects this kind of ‘chemistry’ always to Hounds and Thatcher. (more about chemistry)

Red drop of blood ...

That blood drop used for the collage appears actually in each official episode (TAB as well) because it’s part of the intro. And for the creation of the medal collage, that image has been used two times. In the background there is a smaller and paler version, which is overlapped by a bigger and darker version in the foreground. Of that one, only the lower half is visible. Using two times the same image in one picture, always reminds me strongly of the many Pairs, Twins and Double oh’s mentioned in Sherlock BBC. 

Mostly I connect that ‘sign of two’ with John Watson. In my theory he represents the ‘fixed point in a changing age’, the ‘eternal just-friend and still stubbornly ‘not gay’ Watson, the very aspect in Sherlock’s experiment, that needs to be transformed into a modern version of the same character. In other words: the old king has to make way for the new king. According to the original meaning of the Musgrave Ritual that says about the crown of a king: “'Whose was it? His who is gone. Who shall have it? He who will come.” 

With this in mind it was easy to compare the drop of watery liquid that falls onto a drop of blood in Sherlock’s experiment, to John in the well, drenched by the water Eurus exposes him to. Emotional context indeed. :))))

When a drop of emotions/chemistry brings the blood to a boil ... (1 2)    Drop of blood 

Search: London Bridge ...

That’s the most mysterious addition to the collage. While all the other words and images can be linked to the show .... this one is the absolute exception. A ‘search for London Bridge’ doesn’t happen throughout the whole story. Not once. London Bridge doesn’t even play a role in Sherlock BBC. At least not yet ...

Bridges of Sherlock BBC:

In ASIB Irene Adler texts Sherlock that she can see Tower Bridge from her room. In TST Sherlock stands on Vauxhall Bridge while he realizes the involvement of fake AMO, Vivian Norbury. 

In TLD Culverton Smith gives the cryptic advice ‘We must be careful not to burn our BRIDGES.’ ... at the same time Sherlock walks with Faith through London and crosses Millennium Bridge and Golden Jubilee Bridge beside Hungerford Bridge.

In TFP little Sherlock stands on a small wood-bridge while he is searching for his lost dog Redbeard.

‘Bridge’ as extension of names:

In TGG security guard Alex WoodBRIDGE is found dead at the bank of the Thames, between Waterloo Bridge and Southwark Bridge.

In TSOT guardsman Stephen BainBRIDGE consults Sherlock and starts the case of the Mayfly Man. He is the first of the three guards (Bainbridge, Sholto, Mary) in this episode. (Changing of the Guard)

London Bridge though does not appear in Sherlock BBC so far. This leaves the question ... why is the note to search for that bridge even on the collage? Where does it come from? And why is it so closely connected to the episode spanning double image of the blood drop from Sherlock’s experiment? The words are displayed inside the smaller, paler blood drop. One wonders .....

(Thanks @gosherlocked​ for deciphering ‘London’ in that bridge’s name. :)))

The blue ribbon ...

Something that looks like a ‘blue ribbon’ runs through the lower part of the collage. The very distinctive loop, right under the name Moriarty, gave me the idea that this ‘ribbon’ could be the river Thames. And really, my assuption turned out to be correct, it is the Thames. What’s even better, at this distinctive loop the river coils around the peninsula named ... Isle of Dogs. 

It surely isn’t an unusual thing to add a part from the map of London, including the Thames, to a collage of images related to Sherlock Holmes. After all, Sherlock is a most famous residient of London. It it is also quite fitting, especially for this adaptation, to display Jim’s name side by side with ‘dogs’. Dogs and hounds do play a major role since the beginning and are closely linked to Jim, John and Sherlock. The barking of a dog in the night can be heard right after John wakes from his nightmare in ASIP, missing shoes lead right away to the villain (very similar to the original Baskerville case) and TFP is all about a lost dog/boy. But there is a little bit more that came to mind, when I recognized the Isle of Dogs.

TheGameIsNow ...

During the run-up to TheGameIsNow-Escape Room Event, (summer 2018) a video was released .... a call-out from Mycroft Holmes to recruit volunteers for The Network. As a part of that call-out, Mycroft mentions a ‘rush of incidents across the capital’ and while he speaks, a map of London is displayed on screen on which a red line runs along and strings together the involved locations, which are marked with the ‘eye-sign’ of The Network. And that red line stops exactly at the Isle of Dogs. That’s why I recognized that peninsula immediately.

Again ... one wonders ...

All in all, one can not deny that a lot of considerations, of work and also of knowledge regarding the show, have been put into the creation of those stamps, the medal and the images used for their presentation. And as usual with Sherlock BBC, some little intriguing mysteries have also been woven into it.  :)))

I leave you to your own deductions. Thanks @callie-ariane​ for the scripts. 

January, 2021

[hatchetfieldtheories]

Return to Hatchetfield-Town – The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals Part 1

Alright settle down kiddos. Get comfy, find a warm blanket and hug your favourite fwendy-wend as we start our Return to Hatchetfield-Town series.

I’ll be rewatching all the Hatchetfield scripted content (i.e. not livestreams or interviews) and jotting down what happens, explaining some concepts and delving into some of the key theories in the series (and using the word “implications” that often it will cease to have meaning).

Even though I’ll be doing the rewatch by show in order they came out, there will be spoilers for all Hatchetfield content that is available as of the rewatch.  

I’ve also linked to a number of other blog’s theories here because they are amazing, but if you aren’t happy with your theory being included I will be more than happy to remove it!  Just let me know.

[Part 2]

The Guy Who Really Hated Brigadoon

TGWDLM starts off with the greatest song ever to feature dancing zombies… at least I can’t think of any other notable ones.

In the title song, the cast of singing and dancing zombies explain to us that all great stories have to have a hero, someone who knows right and wrong and that the best way to do this is through singing and dancing in musicals.  This with the later line of “they evoke the philosophical” make me think that Pokey took a class in Campbell’s Hero Myth in College and became that guy.

Hatchetfield Challenge: try not to shrug your shoulders along with the music at the chorus. Its impossible. No wonder the Hive spread so quickly.  Literally killer dance moves.

So then they introduce us to an awful Grinch named Paul and we hit the first point in the show where I laugh out loud every single time I watch.

I know TGWDLM was not originally intended to be the first Hatchetfield show but starting this series with a song which sets up the story so well is truly spectacular.   And is there anything more Starkid than introducing your main character by having other characters sing about how awful they are?

One thing I have noticed while writing, reading and collating Hatchetfield theories is that while most Black Friday and Nightmare Time theories are usually about the overall Hatchetfield lore, most TGWDLM theories are usually quite self-contained and focused on this one show.  TGWDLM – while so fully within the Hatchetfield extended universe, is definitely the show that can best stand-alone without the others.

It’s the end of the world, Paul

If you don’t sing

This is the bridge, Paul

Where we globalize everything

And the words will come to you

We swear we will teach you

What it means to love

What it means to obey, Paul!

On a first watch this is very funny.  On your 10th watch this is terrifying.

CCRP Technical: No-one here knows how to use their printer

Following the absolute bop of a title song we find ourselves in CCRP Technical and all feels very… normal. It’s very weird following all the revelations in subsequent Hatchetfield media, to be watching a show where there was genuinely nothing obviously fishy about CCRP.  We’ll obviously discuss CCRP more when we get to Nightmare Time, but for now all we know is that Paul works in the technical department of CCRP – an unknown corporation, with some key characters, Charlotte, Bill and Ted.

We also find out more about Grinch Paul’s personality and honestly, Paul is me pre-pandemic just outright avoiding social interactions and suddenly going for coffee in the middle of the work day. (I have become a changed woman in lockdown – someone please invite me somewhere… anywhere!)

For all the dark humour and death in the Hatchetfield series, Starkid do know how to bring the joy – I love how excited the town of Hatchetfield are for a touring production of Mamma Mia.  

Fake Fact: TGWDLM is actually an allegory for Europe in the 1970s, when we all became mind-controlled by Abba’s Waterloo.  (Find me a better explanation for Eurovision, I dare you!  The sequins were just too shiny!)

“The idea of sitting there… trapped in a musical.  That is my own personal hell.”

Two words: Emma Perkins – need I explain any more?  

Ah Hot Chocolate Boy.  I really look forward to finding out more about him.  Where does he come from?  He just appears out of the ether. What’s his story?  How old is he? How many hot chocolates does he have per day? I know we have since had some confirmation on who he is, but they raise more questions than answers. For now I will just point you to a gorgeous Mood Board by @hatchetfieldmoodboards which features a bit of a spoiler. 

For real though – is it just me who would love a full version of “I’ve been brewing up your coffee”?

Hatchetfield Challenge: Try not to sing “Shut the f*ck up” along with Emma.

“Watching people sing and dance makes me very uncomfortable”- oh boy Paul… you’re not going to enjoy the next hour and 40 minutes.  Also, Paul, you’re making me uncomfortable watching you throw your brand new coffee around as if you’ve just been given an empty cup.  There’s imaginary coffee everywhere.  Hopefully, HCB won’t slip on it before it’s cleaned up… he’s already having a bad day.

“Thunder and Lightning… very very frightening.  But a big rock hurtling through the clouds is no biggie.” – all the residents of Hatchetfield apparently.

The next sequence happens so fast and we get introduced to a lot of characters.  Notably Greenpeace Girl, Alice and Deb, Sam, and Hidgens (though we don’t find out his name until much later). This scene impresses me because they do such a great job of very quickly bringing out so many characters who nonetheless are memorable when they return later in the show.

Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel is an Eldritch Being. I won’t go into Peanuts theories here as that could be a whole post in itself – and many a person more brilliant than I have written some fantastic theories on this. You can learn all about how a Squirrel took over the fandom in the following posts:

@dahlialupine : x

@frombothofmyhearts​: x

@abiimaryy​: x

And finally mine which is definitely a serious theory: x

It’s… A… Musical!

Now to remember we are actually watching a musical.  La Dee Da Da Day is such a happy joyful song performed spectacularly by a throng of the undead.

The song is about the Hive singing about how much of a great time they are having now they are tap-dancing zombies, and trying to find ways to convince Paul he should join them too. So the grins on all their faces are not at all terrifying.

 It’s worth noting also that according to the laws of the TGWDLM world, only those infected by the Hive can hear the music in the background.  This becomes important later when it becomes clear some characters have started being infected before they are fully turned into zombies, but for now it just paints quite a funny picture of what Paul must be witnessing. I definitely think for him, this whole scene just sounds like this clip of Greased Lightning without the music: x

The important thing here however, besides Mariah’s singing, is that the Hive leave Paul alone.  They don’t actually attempt to turn him at this point.  I have a theory on the implications of this, but note this has big spoilers for the end of the show and Black Friday.  It was written before we knew that the Hive (Pokey) was related to Wiggly but the content still stands: x

Charlotte, Honey, you don’t need that much sugar – you’re sweet enough

For reference:

@melchron​  noted that the lyrics for La Dee Dah sound very similar to the incantation for soul transferal read out in Jane’s a Car, which leads me to two possible implications.

The Freaky Furbies have a language other than English that they use for their incantations so this is why they sound similar.

There is soul transference happening to the souls of the bodies the Hive take over.

Or it’s just Starkid using similar sounding words for their content…. Three! There are three possible implications…

Paul – just print off another copy of the report

From this point on the musical numbers really do come thick and fast.  We move on to the first instance of Jeff Blim encouraging Paul to talk about his feelings, which I am sure is not important and isn’t worth discussing.  Paul goes through a musical rendition of a promotion interview, which is actually the Hive attempting to find out if he will be the “hero” of their story.  They picked out Paul for the role from the start. That he was chosen was inevitable.

What do you see for this company? I'm looking for someone with strong ambition Someone to sell their specific vision Someone to share with precise precision their thoughts 'Cause I want you to want…To want

So it turns out these will be looooong, so I will end here and see you in part 2!  I’m not sure yet what the upload frequency will be.  It takes quite a while to go through the show like this but it is a lot of fun!

Hatchetfield High Homework:

Where do you stand on the Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel debate?

Why do you think that the Soul Transference Spell and La Dee Dah sound so similar?

Go follow all the lovely people mentioned in this post!

Bonus points if you know the reference in the post title.

[Part 2]

[cocochannel00]

Quarantine Date

Boyfriend!Harry plans a date in the era of social distancing...

A big PSA to all of my lovely followers: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WEAR A MASK AND SOCIAL DISTANCE WHEN IN PUBLIC. DON’T PUT YOURSELF AND OTHER PEOPLE AT RISK

Harry knew how important your work was to you. You were an essential worker during the COVID pandemic and had been working rigours 12+ hour shift at the hospital. You had barely seen or talked to Harry over the last couple of months, mainly because he had been locked down in LA for the first half of quarantine and you had been basically living in the hospital lounge. You had been dating Harry for almost a year now so you knew what it was like to have him far away, but this time it felt different. This time all you wanted to was spend your day off curled up in bed with Harry and watch as he tried to imitate Heath Ledger's accent in 10 Things I Hate About You instead of watching it by yourself. I guess you’d just have to spend the day wallowing in self pity with your tub of ice cream. 

You were half way through your movie when your phone rang. Too lazy to look at who’s calling to picked up the phone and spoke a quick hello.

“You. Me. Date tonight. No excuses” the person said through the phone.

“Why Tom Holland I’m flattered, but I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend already” you replied back as a joke.

“Ha ha very funny (y/n) and besides I know you don’t have Tom’s number yet. But seriously, I’ve been home nearly a week and I haven’t seen you in person.” Harry spoke.

“Haz, 4 patients on my floor tested positive for COVID this week. I don’t want to expose you or god forbid Anne or Gemma to it”

“We can do a social distance date, I’ll plan the whole thing,” Harry practically begged.

“Harry I don’t know...” you stated with a sigh.

“I know today is your day off and you’re probably curled up in bed with some ice cream right now so hear me out. You stay in your room and relax for the rest of the day and I’ll spend the day planning our date tonight. Please, love, I really want to see you even if it’s six feet apart and with a mask” Harry pleaded.

“Ok ok fine I’ll go on a social distancing date with you but only if you promise to stay 6 ft away” you said sternly.

“I’ll bring a measuring tape so you can double check” he replied as you laughed.

“Wonderful, I can’t wait. Do I need to wear something special to this date tonight?” You asked curiously.

“That’s a surprise for later”

“Harold you know I hate surprises” you whined over the phone.

“I know that’s why I love them. Now I need to go, I have lots of planning to do for tonight. Love you”

“Love you too, H. See you tonight” you replied before hanging up the phone.

You were excited yet nervous to see Harry in person. Seeing his face through zoom was one thing but seeming all of him in person without being able to run up and hug him could very well crush you on the spot. All you knew for sure was that thinking about this date was take up your entire day. You weren’t one for grand cheesy gestures and you hated being the center of attention so you prayed that Harry didn’t go overboard on the whole evening.

You groaned quietly as you rolled over the the other side of your bed (usually Harry’s side) and checked the alarm clock to see it was only 5 pm so you had at least another 3 hours of wallowing in self pity until Harry came back. For once you just wanted the clock to move faster. Sinking back down into your sheets you ran a hand through your wet hair from your morning shower. You knew you should have brushed it earlier so that it didn’t frizz , but you hadn’t been expecting company and you didn’t really care what you looked like under all your PPE at the hospital. Just as you were beginning to detangle your hair you got a message from Harry.

Harry: Wear pajamas tonight, we’re going extra comfy. Love you - H

You smiled at the message and placed the phone back onto your lap. Nothing could ever put a smile on your face faster than Harry’s name popping up on your screen. Back when you first started dating and you had been stressed about going back to work after visiting him on tour he would send you pictures of puppies every morning just to cheer you up. Now he’s resorted to other much less innocent tactics to try and cheer you up when you’re have a bad day, but you couldn’t complain (especially during quarantine). With all that said, Harry continues to surprise you daily so to say you were excited for your date night would be an understatement. The only thing getting you through the wait was knowing you needed to take at least a 2 hour nap before he got there otherwise you would pass out during your date tonight.

——————— /// ——————— // ——————-

You woke up to the sound of “Kiwi” blasting in your ear as the timer you had set went off. Carefully, you untangled yourself from your excessively long phone charger before check the time and realizing you only had ten minutes to get ready. How many times had you pressed snooze in your sleep? You were in too much of a rush to figure it out as you raced to your closet to put on a comfy pair of pajama shorts and an old college t shirt. Even though Harry said it was going to be casual you decided to still go through the effort of putting on a bit of concealer and foundation to try and cover up the bags under your eyes. You were just rubbing in your moisturizer when you got another text from Harry.

Harry: I’m downstairs, don’t look out your window. Come to the backyard when you’re ready because our date night is about to begin. - H 

You grinned widely at the message and quickly finished putting on the rest of your make-up while also running a brush through your hair. Your hair had definitely had better days but it was too late to do anything besides put your hair in a bun to try and keep the frizz down with the growing humidity. With one last look in the mirror, you went downstairs to go meet Harry.

You carefully made your way to the door and grabbed one of your cloth masks off of the counter before putting it on and opening the door to your backyard. Your porch had been covered in fairy lights and two mountains of pillows had been placed on opposite sides of the backyard. In the middle their stood a giant sheet with a projector set up underneath it. It looked like something out of a rom-com and you were shocked that Harry was able to set all of this up without you knowing. Just as you were about to call out Harry’s name you saw him walk in through the back door with a mask on, a bottle of wine in his hands. He was wearing one of your favorite striped shirts that you said made him look like Where’s Waldo’s cousin. 

“I know it’s not exactly how I would have liked to see you on our first date in months, but I made sure to measure out the 1 meter (6 feet) for the cushions” Harry stated as he placed the bottle of wine down on a table next to a box of pizza. 

Your eyes began to water at the sight of him in front of you. It had been so long since you had seen him in person and so much had happened in your life in the last couple months that all you wanted to do was run up and wrap your arms around him. You impulsively put your arms out and took a couple of steps forward before you remembered that you couldn’t touch him and put your hands down. A tear fell down your cheek just as Harry looked up from the bottle he was attempting to open.

“Y/n what’s wrong love. Did I do something wrong?” He asked cautiously as you shook your head.

“Just missed you a lot. Wanted to give you a hug, but I don’t want to risk it” you replied softly as you took off your mask and wiped the stray tears from your face. 

Harry slowly took off his mask and gave you a sympathetic smile, “Wish I could run up and hug you too, love. Missed you so much these past couple of weeks. Thought I was going to go crazy with Jeff and all that baking in LA”.

You chuckled softly at his efforts of lightening the mood before scrunching your nose the extensive facial hair you didn’t remember seeing before.

“When did you grow that fuzz ball on your face?” you questioned sarcastically as you made your way over to one of the pillow piles. 

Harry scoffed at your remark and ran his hand across his face, “Excuse me miss [y/l/n] but this has taken me nearly four months to grow and I’d say it is much more than just a fuzz ball” 

“You’re right Har, you definitely grew it out to pornstar level. Proud of you baby” you said with a giggle as Harry glared at you. 

“I did not come here to get harassed about my new look” Harry grumbled jokingly as he gave you his cheshire smile. 

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t make fun of your tremendous accomplishments. Thank you by the way, for putting all of this together. This was really sweet. Oh my god, stop, is this your fuzzy sweater” You said with a squeal as you put on his multicolored cardigan he had placed on top of a blanket. You inhaled the smell of his Tom Ford cologne and smiled.

“I figured since I can’t give you a hug yet, you could wear that” he replied back as he carefully opened the box of pizza he had placed on a small table in the middle of the porch. 

You moaned softly as you stared at the pizza just a few feet away from you. 

“Why have I never heard you moan like that for me in bed?” Harry joked as you glared at him.

“That was my foodgasm moan. You know damn well I don’t keep quiet with you so I don’t want to hear any complaints. Now, give me two slices of that delicious pizza please” 

Harry laughed at your response as he placed his mask back on and put on some hand sanitizer before placing two piece of pizza on a plate and pouring you a glass of wine. He walked over to you carefully and placed the food and the glass on a tray next to you that you hadn’t seen. You thanked him before placing the tray in your lap and taking a sip of your wine. Harry began to grab himself a slice when you shouted his name and took out your phone. 

“Wait I want to get a picture of you in person. I can’t keep stalking your fans’ accounts to get pictures of you.” you mumbled as you tapped on your camera. 

Harry nodded grudgingly before he took off his mask and began posing with the bottle of wine. 

“I think I could be one of those influencers” he joked as he nearly spilled the wine onto his shirt. 

“I think maybe we should leave that to the pros” you replied jokingly as you curled up into your pillow fort and began munching on your food. 

Harry sat down in the the pillow fort adjacent to yours on your porch. The two of you talked as you ate and tried to catch each other up on anything that you had missed on your various facetime calls. It was nice to be able to see him in person and know that he was okay. You had been so worried he would catch it while in LA and even though he wasn’t in one of the high risk categories you had witnessed several health people die of the disease and you didn’t even want to think about Harry in that situation. After you had both finished your meals Harry decided to put on “10 Things I Hate About You” and proceed to jump up next to the sheet you guys were using for a screen and act out the entire bleacher serenade live. 

You could not keep the smile off of your face that night. Harry had this way of making you forget all of your problems when you were with him and you were grateful to have found someone as caring as him. 

“ I love you H, thank you for a wonderful night” you whispered as the credits rolled onto the screen. 

“Anything for you love. Glad I got to see for a bit even if you did fall asleep on me halfway through the movie.” He replied back with a grin.

“It wasn’t my fault! You made my pillow fort to cozy, how could I resist a cat nap?” you stated as you smiled at him.

“Can’t blame you for it. Got a couple of cute pictures of you sleeping for my lock screen though.” He replied with a smirk as you groaned.

“Harry I was definitely drooling, you need to delete those” you said as Harry shook his head. 

“Can’t do that. Got to show mom our lovely date night”

“Fine, but no one else sees that picture besides Anne. I can’t have Mitch and Jeff teasing me everytime I see them like with the whole ketchup fiasco.” you mumbled as you began to fold the blanket you had wrapped around your body during the movie. 

“Leave everything there love, you need to go get some sleep before your shift tomorrow. I’ll clean all of this up, you just head inside for me” Harry stated as he turned off the projector and began taking down the sheet. 

“Are you sure?” you asked hesitantly. 

‘Yes, love, you need your rest. Go, come on. I can’t have you falling asleep while taking care of your patients.” Harry replied.

You hesitated for a minute before buttoning up the sweater Harry had given you and putting your mask back on. 

“I don’t want to leave here without giving you a hug” you stated softly as Harry looked at you with a small smile.

“(Y/n) if you want a hug all you have to do is ask, would have given you one the minute I got here. Let me grab my mask.”

“You’re sure you’re okay with this? I got tested two days ago for COVID and the last 6 have been negative but I don’t get the results till tomorrow and I don’t want you to get ill” you replied with a hesitant look. 

“Love I think with all of the hand washing and the masks we’ll be okay, but I’ll only give you one if you want it” he said as he put on his mask and adjusted the nose wire. 

“I want one” you said as Harry opened his arms up for you.

You practically jumped into his arms and nearly started sobbing from the first really physical contact you’ve had with anybody in weeks.

“God I love you so much (Y/n)” Harry stated as he tugged you closer and placed a kiss on your temple through his mask.

“I love you too H” you replied back as you closed your eyes tight and tried to hold on as long as possible.

“Good now come on, get to bed so you’re well rested for tomorrow. I’ll come back tomorrow night with some dinner after your shift so we can eat together again. Would that be ok?” he asked as he placed his hands on your hips.

“That would be lovely. I get off at 8 tomorrow”

“I’ll be waiting for you here, don’t worry” Harry stated. 

“Ok, I’ll go. I love you” you replied as you carefully untangled yourself from Harry and slowly made your way inside.

“I love you too. good night Haz” 

“Night love, see you tomorrow”

———————————————————————

@thereal(y/n) Someone tell my boyfriend that he’s not cool enough to be sponsored by this amazing wine

View all 25 comments

@harrystyles Tell that to Gucci

@annetwist You two are too cute

@jeffazoff Sharing is caring Harold

Masterlist

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 1 of Season 1

"We Only See Each Other At Weddings and Funerals”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it's funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂️ In the Pilot script, it has a woman giving birth to a baby boy in Poland in 1984 (potentially Five or maybe even Luther??) 

☂️ “Picture Book” is an absolute bop and no one can tell me otherwise

☂️ What if someone saw this parade of carriages and noticed that there were seven? Later Reginald announces that he adopted 6 kids, so I wonder if anyone saw the carriages earlier and heard Reginald's announcement and became confused

☂️ The concert hall in the Pilot script is in New York, which I assume is safe to assume in NYC. The script also mentions later that Diego drops the monocle in the Hudson River

☂️ The Pilot script originally had Allison in LA, and Klaus in Amsterdam (which he was supposed to be levitating in that scene)

☂️ Diego was originally supposed to be pretty brutal and violent

☂️ I am a huge POTO fan so having a medley of the songs from the musical is so awesome to hear. The first time I watched this episode and heard the violin starting to play, I was like “Huh, this really sounds like POTO” and then I realized it was! It gave me chills and still does to this day overtime I watch this scene

☂️ The dark and mysterious tones of POTO really matches the vibes of TUA well. It’s just so good, especially as a way to introduce Vanya. The first song Vanya plays is “Phantom of the Opera” which is a nice symbolism when introducing the Hargreeves Siblings. The song itself is Christine discovering who her true Angel of Music is, a strange masked man that everyone knows well but they truly don’t know who he really is, like with the Umbrellas and their separate personalities and struggles as actual human beings and not just as the superheroes the public knows them as. It also plays while showing Diego, who is a mysterious masked figure at that point. 

☂️ “Angel of Music” is basically Christine asking her angel to guide her, which is ironic that it plays while Klaus is getting out of a place that guides him down the right path, knowing that he’s immediately going to go do drugs again and to go down the “wrong” path

☂️ I wonder if the voice in Luther’s spacesuit as he receives his message is an automated voice or his robot named “Ben” like in the comics. I doubt it’s the latter, but who knows

☂️ Okay, here’s another POTO thing. Diego picks up his knife and wipes the blood off of it and tells the family “Your family is safe now” right as the start of “Think of Me” plays. The first lyrics of the song are “Think of me, think of me fondly” which can be seen as Diego wants the family to truly view him as a hero that saved them

☂️ Aaaand here’s another! Again, while “Think of Me” is playing, one of the parts in the song where Raoul sings “Long ago, it seems so long ago, how young and innocent we were” plays while the paparazzi begins questioning Allison about her father and siblings

☂️ Okay okay, last POTO thing. I especially love that "Music of the Night" plays when Klaus wakes up in the ambulance at night. It's so awesome! Especially since the song is basically about giving into your darkest desires, which Klaus clearly did

 ☂️ Goddamn is the music in the show amazing, and I’m not just talking about all of the fun lyrical songs! Jeff Russo you get a thumbs up from me

☂️ Ta-da! Here’s some portraits that are shown of the siblings with Reginald when they were young that are shown in the show

☂️ Even the first person Vanya sees when she arrives home doesn’t greet her/welcome her back 

☂️ Emmy and Elliot really played that awkward hug and greeting between Allison and Vanya well. You can feel the awkward tension (hey sisters)

☂️ According to the pilot script, Diego wears his mask practically all the time like in the comics

☂️ Luther was literally supposed to have a gorilla body in the pilot script

☂️ “Oh, YoU gOt BiG, lUtHeR”

☂️ Godddd the song playing while Vanya looks at the books on the shelf in including her own is 👌

☂️ Ah, there’s a book called “Lunar Living”

☂️ It might just be me, but it seems like the light shining onto Five’s portrait is ever so slightly askew

☂️ Vanya leaving the lights on and sandwiches for Five reminds me of someone leaving food outside for a stray cat

☂️ Five was originally supposed to be gone for over 22 years in the pilot script

☂️ I wonder at what point in each of the siblings’ lives did they realize, or at least they thought, their brother wouldn’t be coming home 

☂️ Babies 

☂️ There’s so many ape and monkey pictures and diagrams around Reginald’s office. Foreshadowing for Luther?

☂️ I love Klaus’s theme. It’s heard in almost every episode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJa9H8SY4wQ&list=OLAK5uy_k2NJivpu0PIwxrOmPVrqN4umBZaahOGWI&index=6

☂️ Why does Reginald have two pictures of himself featuring aircraft? In one of them he’s outside a private jet and the other is him inside a cockpit

☂️ I must say that the dialogue in the pilot script definitely closely mirrors the dialogue of the comics 

☂️ “Told me I should be careful who to trust” 👀

☂️ Something behind Elliot is moving

☂️ I was hoping for this to be a gazelle of some sort above Five’s portrait, but It’s an Gemsbok. However, the Gemsbok is an antelope and all gazelles are antelopes

☂️ “The Walker” playing during the bank robbery scene is 👌👌

☂️ Luther is ready to throw hands

☂️ These robbers really decided to rob a bank at 10:05 am?

☂️ I just love Five popping out of nowhere criss-cross applesauce 

☂️ Something that hasn’t been explained/fully shown is Five’s ability to teleport objects. He teleported the gun out of the guy’s hand and replaced it with a stapler

☂️ Five’s teleportation noise reminds me of something going really fast, like an aircraft breaking the sound barrier. It’s almost like a mini sonic boom, but not as loud

☂️ Okay so I’ve noticed this in most of the episodes, but I don’t think when Five teleports he makes an actual noise. I’ll point this out more as we continue through the episodes. At the bank scene when Five is on the counter, it appears that the first time he teleports the bank robber whips around when Five speaks. The second time the robber turns to Five simply because he doesn’t know where he went and he’s searching for the threat

☂️ “That’s one badass stApler”

☂️ When Ben asks if he has to go into the Vault, he looks at Klaus for reassurance even though Luther is the one speaking to him

☂️ Five was still pretty cocky back in his youth. They, or more like Ben, have more bad guys to take care of and he’s just chilling with his hands in his pockets and leaning back/slouching like he’s bored. His tone with the robber also proves that and the way he just happily bounds out of the bank

☂️ Sir, why are you looking at the camera

☂️ Luther’s little wave to the reporters when the Umbrellas come out of the bank is cute

☂️ The pilot script didn’t include a flashback of a bank robbery, but instead to the Umbrellas training when they were younger. There’s too much to screenshot to I’ll summarize it.

-Luther bench-presses over 500 lbs

-Diego has been holding his breath for about six hours and he flips Reginald off

-Klaus levitates stuff

-Allison is slacking off and when Reginald tells her to continue her training she simply rumors him that she doesn’t have to

-Ben is fighting guards and Reginald calls him “Number Six” to which Vanya, who isn’t supposed to be down there, corrects him that his name is Ben and reminds Reginald that they have names

- Five very quickly and quite brutally rips off the heads and limbs of training dummies, snaps their necks, and stabs them. He is referred to as “A ruthless little war machine.” Reginald calls him “Perfect”

☂️ The pilot script implies that Reginald had alien life mounted on the walls of his office

☂️ There wasn’t a dance scene in the pilot script

☂️ Not to get super into detail about this, but Luther’s room is filled with a lots of models and paintings of aircraft, mainly from WWII. Almost all of them are of Allied aircraft, and more specifially Commonwealth aircraft, like the RCAF. So this could be more of a clue to the Umbrellas living in Canada

☂️ Diego giving that Wildebeest head the stink eye aways makes me laugh

☂️ Klaus is dancing with Reggie’s urn in a Waltz fashion, so maybe he’s just doing that or it’s the ballroom dancing lessons they received as children peeing through

☂️ I love Diego’s dancing skills

☂️ Fuck you Five for ruining their dance party

☂️ Honestly Five’s portal is pretty powerful. Here’s a description of it from the pilot script

☂️ I like that when Luther tells everyone to get behind him and Diego copies him with “Yeah, get behind us” Luther lets his brother use himself as a shield instead be pulling the “I’m the leader, I’m the strongest” card

☂️ When Luther and Diego are shielding their siblings, Diego has his arm stretched out to guard Vanya

☂️ In the pilot script Five’s body is smoking when he comes out of the portal

☂️ What if when Five fell out of the portal he got knocked out so he just laid face down on the ground unconscious aksdhfjsafhd

☂️ “So are we gonna talk about what just happened?” No bitch, let him make his sammie first

☂️ Diego and Klaus had some sort of bet on Five’s time traveling in the pilot script

☂️ Here’s another example of Five’s teleportation possibly not making noise. When he teleports around while his siblings are questioning him, it looks like they only look at him when he appears and not when they hear a noise

☂️ Five in the pilot script is actually 62

☂️ “What part of the future do you not understand?”

☂️ I like that Five styled his hair to the exact style it was when he was actually young, but eventually gets looser throughout the season

☂️ Five is so oddly calm when talking to Vanya in front of his portrait

☂️ “Well, there are worse things that can happen.” “You mean like what happened to Ben?” Yeah there’s also an apocalypse on the way lol

☂️ Five actually got a hug in the pilot script! 

☂️ An ironic moment from the pilot script considering that Five is an assassin and has killed tons of people but this siblings don’t know that

☂️ When Diego is talking about their names and numbers in the courtyard, Five sighs, which I’m sure he’s just bored/has better places to be and is annoyed, but I’d like to view it as “Shit, I don’t even have a name”

☂️ Funny tidbit from the pilot script during the funeral scene “Whatever the hell you are”

☂️ Diego talks about how he assumed Reginald sent Luther to the moon because he couldn’t stand the sight of him, so he must be talking about Luther being like a “failed” leader or something? Like he couldn’t keep the team/his siblings together? Diego doesn’t know about his ape-like body so he’s not thinking about that.....

☂️ I love that Klaus reaches his arm out to guard Five, and that Five simply glares at him and bats his arm away

☂️ When Luther broke Ben’s statue, I can just imagine Ben yelling at Klaus “Seriously? Klaus, why didn’t you stop them?”

☂️ So I’m sure this is just a continuation error, but you can’t see Five walking away in the shot of Ben’s statue hitting the ground. Considering that he had just left, he should still be visible in the background. Again, probably a continuation error or maybe he even teleported inside

☂️ A detail I love about Luther is that his fingernails are dark due to the gorilla DNA

☂️ The bank robbery scene in the pilot script is after the funeral. Not much was changed for the actual first episode, just a few different scenes. Also the Umbrellas were described as gods

☂️ Vanya drawing the tattoo on her wrist hurts my heart

☂️ “Together, you will stand against the reign of evil” gives me chills 

☂️ “This is your home and always will be” is great foreshadowing to S3, and hurts my heart when I think about how it is in fact no longer their home

☂️ When I first watched this episode and saw Pogo watching Vanya I knew something was pretty sus

☂️ Just some gold dialogue from the pilot script during the scene of Five, Allison, and Klaus in the kid area and Five is complaining about coffee (but in the pilot script everyone but Vanya is there)

☂️ “An entire square block. Forty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms” goddamn the Academy is HUGE. Also 42 is just one away from being 43 👀

☂️ “I know how to do everything.” Yeah, like survive an apocalypse and professionally kill people :]

☂️ I’ve pointed this out before, but the license plate on the car that Five takes to Griddy’s says HERMES, which is the license plate of his car in the comics

☂️ The exit sign in the background is only half lit up to where it says EX and if my memory serves me correctly that’s the door Vanya and Leonard enter the Academy through in episode 6

☂️ Diego telling Klaus to lean back is like “Ugh I don’t want him with me, but safety first”

☂️ I love that they added his feral chimpanzee smile from the pilot script into he show

☂️ “You won’t be going home.” Cocky smartass strikes again. Not to mention he smiles when he says that. He also says this to the men before he kills them in the pilot script

☂️ Before I even knew about TUA, I had heard of the “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” scene and looked it up. I remember thinking “Wow, that kid is scary.” Now I think “Wow, that old man is scary.”

☂️ I love the little salute he does before he blinks away, and the way his basically just plays with these men like a cat playing with its prey. He knows he’s going to kill them, but he wants to have fun doing so

☂️ Five had some fancy moves in the pilot script

☂️ Five teleporting his tie around the man’s neck is another example of him teleporting an object. Can we see more of this actually happen in S3 please?? I also love the fact that he takes it off the man’s body and puts it back on

☂️ The way he calmly, or tiredly, snaps the man’s neck is chilling to see from a child’s body. This was also included in the pilot script *chanting* Feral Five, Feral Five, Feral Fi-

☂️ It’s honestly such a cool and iconic scene on the show. It truly shows that Five is fully capable of handling himself, and is/was great at his job

☂️ Having the city at night in the background of Diego dropping the monocle is really pretty

☂️ I really like the way they revealed Ben. Having watched both season and now watching this scene again is a bit awkward when Ben doesn’t talk. He’s probably just tired of Klaus 

☂️ “The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.” This line combined with the music and the previous scene of Five in the apocalypse is powerful and chilling and I love it

☂️ I love that they have The Umbrella Academy theme playing during the credits in both seasons

-------

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!