#the worst part is that it isnt even all that bad.

[cvnt4him]

drawing a silly little version of myself in silly little shows because creating silly little fantasies and daydreaming about silly little characters is no longer enough to keep my silly little mind from exploding.

[thebigqueer]

2 years ago i fucked up a friendship w a girl (that im pretty sure i was in love with). to this day i think of her and sometimes when i see her on the street i just wanna cry. i understand your plight very much.

yeahhh man im sorry to hear that!!! it genuinely fucking sucks and i would never wish this upon anyone. cuz like it makes you fully think about all the what ifs and i genuilnely dont think ill ever find someone like her again

[queernarchy]

okay i know im the only person here but if superman and lois puts jordan on a villain arc i will be forced to change my name and disappear into the void

[schizoidalia]

Sometimes I get so pissed off I want to kill myself which may seem counterintuitive but does immediately end the situation for me thus meaning I've still ultimately won

[butchtoads]

If there's one thing I can't stand its people going off on others who ask questions genuinely and without ill intent. There have been so many times where I just needed clarification and people take it as a personal insult assuming I didn't "read carefully enough" or am "questioning their authority". I need specificity. Sometimes people won't have the same experiences you do and something seemingly obvious to you won't have come up for someone else. Just because someone asks a question it doesn't mean they mean harm or to be rude. They might just not understand.

[dephoraowo]

Posts that defend abusers will always be ridiculous to me, but there was this one particular post that did it. It's basically a Madam Yu stan post where op said that both Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian were shitty parents that fucked their kids (& wwx) up in various different ways. But in op's words, also said that they will forever be more sympathetic to a frustrated woman in a patriarchal society stuck in a toxic marriage than to the man who has power and authority to change something but refuses to do it because he doesn't like conflict and pretends like nothing is wrong. (?????) They make it sound like Madam Yu was forced into the marriage and never wanted to marry a man like JFM when it's actually the total opposite 🫠. The real reason the relationship is so toxic is BECAUSE OF HER 😭😭😭💀.

Then the reblogs went on, and gosh, it gets worse because people were reblogging stuff like "justice for yu ziyuan", "shes such a badass", "oh shes so cool with her lightning whip". Another guy said that "You can say a lot about yzy, but you can't say she lacks courage." (Girl, courage?? Where??) They also said Jiang Fengmian has just exited that marriage, he's physically there but emotionally absent, it doesn't have to be a love marriage to be a real partnership, but he won't show up for that either and he makes decisions that carelessly undercut yzy's choices, like dissolving jiang yanli's engagement, and weaken her power, by his treatment of her son and their heir jiang cheng. (Oh, I guess her daughter's happiness never mattered to her?) They also said JFM also totally sucks as a sect leader. She's out nighthunting and training the disciples. Then they ended it by saying yzy and jfm's entire dysfunction made the whole household unhappy and damaged the kids for life, but at least one of them is at least trying to fulfill their responsibilities to the household and the sect and it's not jfm. I literally lost braincells after reading this smh.

I see that you've been in the mdzs fandom for quite a while. I would like to ask, what's the most ridiculous or outrageous post, or maybe any post that you really don't agree with during your time here.

Wei Wuxian irl would be a Republican (American politics) from literally last year. @jiangwanyinscatmom @admirableadmiranda @chai-chahiye-yr @grewlikefancyflowers wanna join?

[tojisth3rdwife]

BabyDaddyToji didnt react to your positive pregnancy test the way you expected him to. He was surprisingly chill about it despite all of the conversations the two of you had in the past about him not wanting anymore kids. Megumi was school-aged and wasnt nearly as bad as Toji made him out to be but you could understand his standpoint. Kids are a big deal. Theyre expensive. Theyre loud. They smell. They amplify your anxiety to the nth power. So yeah, you got it.

But for someone who didnt want any more kids, Toji wasnt that great at doing things to prevent them. He hated condoms and you understood birth control wasnt 100% effective, but there he was nutting you every night anyway.

So naturally when your period never came and your started to feel strange, your mind went straight to those conversations and how he would react if you were indeed pregnant.

He surprised you though. It was actually him who encouraged you to get a test because he’d noticed the change in you. And when you were sitting on the closed toilet seat, staring at the pee stick in shock with trembling hands, it was him kneeling in front of you with his huge hands resting on your knees.

“Tell me what it says.” he said calmly, his thumb skimming over your skin soothingly. Your jaw clenched and your eyes stung with the flow of tears threatening to coat them. Taking your silence as a response, Toji takes the pregnancy test from you and flips it to see for himself. When he sighs, a knot forms in your stomach and you brace yourself for the worst as his hard expression never changed.

“Toji..I..Im..” you begin, not even sure of what you wanted to say. Your voice shook with emotion, the sound making Toji’s cool green gaze jump from the test to your face. Before you could blubber anything else, the pregnancy test was set aside and Toji’s arms were pulling you from the toilet to join him on the floor. He stumbles back so that he’s seated with you cradled in his lap, rubbing your arm and cupping your cheek. You were crying by now, coherent words impossible as you sobbed into his chest.

“M’s-sorry..” you huffed and Toji furrowed his brow in confusion.

“For what? Im the one that did it..” he chuckled, though you didnt see what was so funny. You pull away just enough to brave a look at him, chin trembling pitifully.

“You…Youre not mad?” You blink, fat tears rolling down your face. Toji sighs at the sight of your sadness, feeling his heart was being squeezed and twisted just from looking at you. His expression remains stoic though, apart from the soft smirk on his lips.

“Nah..” he shakes his head. Your eyes flutter shut as Toji’s thumb rubbed over them to wipe the freshest tears away before continuing.

“Why would you think that, pretty girl? Hmm?”

This wasn’t part of your plan at all. Not that you were the traditional or conservative type but you at least wanted to be further along in your relationship with Toji before something like this happened. It had only been a few years of you being in a relationship, less than a year living together. Megumi was just now getting used to you being a consistent presence in his life and now here you go bringing a baby into the picture, someone else he’d have to tolerate and get used to.

And then there was Toji. He didn’t seem like the type to cut and run out on you over an unplanned pregnancy but would he resent you? Would he treat you differently now that things were about to get even more serious than they were?

Thinking of it all overwhelms you to the point of hysterics, and you hide your face in Toji’s neck to keep from facing the disappointment you just knew you’d find in his eyes.

If only you know how the only concern he had was comforting you.

“I just know this isnt what you wanted…I feel so stupid..” you find the strength to say between maintaining a steady breath, and Toji hugs you tighter. He kisses your forehead and exhales heavily, resting his cheek in your hair.

“It’s all good baby. None of that matters. Im here. Not goin anywhere, I promise.” He assures you, keeping you in his steady embrace until your breathing was no longer shuddered. You’d been quiet for a few minutes before Toji’s deep voice cut through the silence.

“Whew..hormones fucking you up already, huh? Damn…” Toji jokes half heartedly, earning him jab in the abs that he laughs off as he continued to hold and console you.

So boom. There you were. Pregnant af with Toji’s baby.

Much to your relief, Toji didnt change the way he treated you as the weeks passed. He was still sweet , in his own way, and very present. He went with you to the first appointment to confirm everything and make sure you were ok. He held your hand when your blood was drawn and watched the large monitor on the wall with interest when you were probed with the transvaginal ultrasound device.

“And there we are...” the OBGYN mutters distractedly as the probe stalled in a particular position inside of you, showing the small cavity of your womb and the little bitty bean nestled inside of it. Your eyes widen at the wiggly blip and it’s tiny heartbeat, your own starting to kick up in pace. Toji says nothing but he watches your reaction to seeing evidence of life growing inside of you. A life the two of you created.

Damn.

“What the hell...” you exhale, making Toji chuckle.

“Yep! Theres your baby. Id say youre about 9 weeks. Projecting your due date to be around...” the doctor pauses, typing something into the keyboard quickly.

“May 17th.” she finished.

She withdraws the scope and hands you a box of tissues to clean yourself, leaving for a minute to give you some privacy. Once alone with Toji in the small room, you looked to him with mixed emotions clear in your eyes. His expression is as stoic as it usually was but there was a warmth in his gaze that you found comforting.

He smirks.

“Looks like I knocked you up good, huh?” he jokes and you giggle.

“Yeah. It would appear so..”

You sigh as you sit up to get dressed and Toji sits back to watch you wiggle your booty back into your jeans. A magic trick if you asked him. You turn to him as you zipped your fly, uncertainty still clear on your face.

“What you thinking bout over there?” Toji asks, his eyes falling from your face to your trembling hands that worked over the button of your jeans. You exhaled a nervous laugh, shaking your head.

“Im honestly still in shock. Seeing the baby moving didnt bring me the feeling I expected it would..”

“What were you expecting to feel?” your man asks and you shrug solemnly.

“I dont know…Like I’m not making a huge mistake, I guess.” You chuckle humorlessly, blinking to resist that stupid urge to cry.

Toji’s head leans slightly, his eyes panning over you with concern. He sits up in his seat, offering you his hand.

“C’mere , mama..”

The irony of his usual pet name wasn’t lost on you but you were too emotional to be amused by it.

You walk towards him to stand between his legs and his hands come around to rub the backs of your thighs over the denim. He looks up at you with a softness that immediately disarms you, causing the tension in your body to melt away on contact.

“You cant worry about all of that shit right now. This is all gonna feel weird and new and scary but bright side is, you wont be going through any of it alone. Lucky for you, Ive kinda been through this before. Well..not being pregnant but..you get what Im saying..”

“I get it..” You smile at Toji stammering and lift a hand to cup his cheek, sliding it back to tug on his ear affectionately. Toji leans into the touch, grunting softly in reaction.

“Good. I also have some dad experience under my belt. Megumi survived a whole 3 and half years before you came into the picture and you see how he is. So you’re not just dead in the water here, babe. Ive got you.”

The image of Toji struggling with Megumi as an infant on his own comes to mind. You didnt know him then, only having his stories of that time to paint the picture for you. You couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for Toji to cope with the fact that person he thought he’d be spending his life and raising his son with was gone, leaving him to take it on alone. The sleepless nights and tearful days, with very little support since she was all he had.

You never told him, but there was a soft spot in your heart for Toji’s deceased wife, since she was the one who taught him how to love in the first place. And it was her love that lived on in him and Megumi that was allowing you to step in. What a privilege that was, that you didn’t realize until this very moment.

Of course he wasnt going to tell you that he was terrified. Terrified of history repeating itself. Terrified of him not being able to save you. Terrified of fucking up royally and leaving another gaping hole in his chest that he wouldn’t allow anyone else in to fill. He’d never show you his fear when he saw the amount of it you were already battling.

With a soft smile and another squeeze, this time on your ass, Toji pulls you into a hug you wouldn’t dare refuse. His head rests against your chest and he inhales the scent of your perfume.

Youre pulled out of your moment when a few knocks at the door have you both turning to look just as the doctor is peaking her head in.

“You two ready to come back in the exam room for a consult to go over everything?”

You look to Toji and he gives you a wink and a soft pat on the butt before he’s standing.

“Yeah Doc. We’re ready.” he responds before you can, giving you a tiny smile of reassurance as he encouraged you to walk ahead of him.

Part 2

[alicentsgf]

shauna is a bad person because she was a good one and its fucking fascinating. "I didnt start out a bad person" is one of the Best lines in the show because it sums her up so succinctly and melanie lynskeys delivery is a gut punch

she naturally cares so much about people thats literally why shes like this. she was always flawed (impulsive, self-destructive, etc) but there were so many moments in season 1 where she went out of her way to be kind. its why she cant ever accept anythings her fault because deep down she feels so much of it is and if she ever acknowledges that even slightly its over. too much has happened and she cares too deeply for it to not totally fucking destroy her. she had to lie to herself to survive. its why her subconcious regularly revives the person she loved most just to say mean things to her. it is the worst punishment shauna can imagine and so thats exactly what her imagination delivers. at least then its someone else saying it. it means she can still hide from herself. pretend the punishment isnt self-inflicted. as an adult she creates her own demons. no one damaged the breaks or locked the fridge, it was always only her. she even kills the one person who helped her feel happy and free for the first time in 25 yrs just because he seemed too good to be true. ghost jackie warning her on the bridge that someone was going to get hurt was shaunas own mind creating a self-fufilling prophecy. it couldnt end well, shes not allowed to be happy (she had to make sure)

even the awful things we see shauna doing this season as a teenager, the person she's become, came about because of how much she cared. in keeping them all alive, she destroyed her entire sense of self. she emerges from it all convinced she's a terrible person now so she should just accept it. embody it. and shes so full of pain and rage that its so easy. someone needed to be okay with the worst parts of it, otherwise they didnt eat. otherwise they were vulnerable. she just cares too much. its the root of it all. it would be so easy to take extra rations (she doesn't). shes lost her child, imagined him ripped apart and eaten. (she'll cut into someone elses. rip him apart. they’re depending on her.) there's a purpose and fulfilment in the act. (she hates herself for feeling it but she needs to). shes lost everything and maybe she'd rather curl up in the snow by her babys grave and sleep. (they have to eat, she has to feed them.) they don't even thank her. she'll resent them for it later. (she still cares.) she hates them.

shauna may be be paranoid and vengeful but shes not a narcissist and shes not righteous. there's no wilderness god, no greater good, just reality. the place where they grew hungry enough to hunt each other. she wonders aloud why the hell melissa likes her, because shes aware shes unlikeable. it might not be a conscious choice but its deliberate. its a form of self-harm and its self-preservation. better to be feared and hated than pitied, at least then theres some power in what shes lost. (shes so desperate to feel powerful. she's earned it hasn't she?)

even when shes older and she tries to move on, always quick to blame others for her problems, deep down she will always feel responsible. its her fault jackie died so it has to mean something, her relationship with jeff has to be real. so she marries him out of guilt and has a child so she can continue to punish herself indefinitely. ofc it makes sense she can hug a confused old man because hes seeing his daughter instead, but she cant hold her own daughter the same way. cant love the way she wants to. (she could never let her go. she’d leave claw marks in her skin) she doesnt deserve her. cant let herself love callie like that. (she loves her anyway). because shes no good. because she knows what she could become (again) if she lost callie. she hurts people. shes a bad person and she deserves to be feel like this, to be blamed for everything, to freeze to death (because karma).

so yes shaunas a bad person. but shes not very good at it. and it wasn't pre-destined. she took on too big a burden, lost too much, and it broke her. that's what makes her tragic. most innately bad people dont spend their entire adult lives self-inflicting emotional torture.

[mamawasatesttube]

tell me about tim hitting on supernova and being a whore 👀

also asked by @derp-a-la-sheep !!

"tim drake hits on supernova. whore.docx" is some futurefic identity shenanigans. i.e. tim drake, hapless civilian that he is, visits his sweet ol country boyfriend conner kent in metropolis, and the two of them say huh, it'd be fun to go down to that park and check out all the food trucks and little market stalls this weekend! and tim drake, since he's a nice boyfriend, offers to step into the bank on the way over and get some cash at the atm, which would be all well and good if a bunch of wannabe bank robbers from out of state didn't also step into the bank in the interest of cash.

what this turns into: oh no!!! 😱 there's some guys with guns!! in the bank!!! ...yes, seriously, some people tried robbing this bank with guns, regular old normal guns, in superman's city. don't worry guys, supernova's got this, as soon as he can stop laughing, anyways.

so we have tim, stuck on the inside of a hostage situation, pouting. because he could have handled it himself if he had his costume on him. but noooo, he has to play the scared rich prettyboy from out of town because it's keeping the robbers attention on him and not the other people stuck in the bank. ugh. he hates having to sit around pretending he's helpless. he's so mad!!!

and then we have kon effortlessly scaring the shit out of the bank robbers, clearly having a great time, making a bunch of bad jokes. and tim is just like. oohhhh im so mad. i need to go make out with my sexy boyfriend who just disintegrated 15 guns and maybe then i won't be as mad. the worst part of this is that tim ISNT even hitting on supernova. he's just staring at him like 👁️👁️. and then someone next to him goes "yeah. dreamy, isn't he?" and tim's like. um. (how would a civilian from out of town who has never actually grabbed that butt react to this.) y. yes? yes. dreamy. yeah. totally?

and of course that means when kon is getting him "to safety" he's like. wow, you think i'm dreamy, citizen? and tim goes :/ i have a boyfriend. and kon, giggling in midair, is like, oh yeah? is he cute? and then, because i make memes about my own wips instead of writing them sometimes, we have a visual aid for the choice tim suddenly finds himself facing:

anyway its just lighthearted shenanigans and a look at what kon's ttk looks like to "outsiders" and people on the ground. and also kon making fun of tim when tim is ALREADY pouting about being stuck as a civilian during this whole incident. shouldnt actually be too long if i can just... write it... ough!

[fxckn-sxck-fr]

id lovee to hear ur rankings of the comic book men from appearing to be the most normal to something is obviously wrong w them (if that makes sense... like,,,, who is and isnt an obv red flag)

ur writing keeps me fed :3

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐆𝐒…

!!! GN reader, manipulation, gaslighting, mentions of stalker-ish picture-taking, mentions of schizophrenia and anxiety, poor treatment of mental illness, mentions of violent behaviors, murderous Bucky Barnes, Tim Drake (he’s just a problem), mentions of suicidal tendencies, can be translated as platonic or romantic.

EAAAAATT!!!!! EEEEAAAAATTTT!!!!!!!!! EAT MY WRITING!!!! CONSUME IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember, this is from least to most, meaning we’ll talk about the seemingly well-adjusted folks first and gradually move up to the, “okay, what the fuck is wrong with him” peeps.

Wally West: The way he’s playing everyone like a fiddle is downright disrespectful. He’s filled to the brim with green flags, easily appearing as one of the safest guys on the planet. Even when you start to suspect something, you have to constantly second guess yourself, because come on… it’s Wally. What the fuck can he do wrong? Don’t even bother voicing any of your concerns. No one — and I mean no one — will believe you. Having problems with Wally West? The embodiment of a warm summer evening? Damn, that sounds like a you problem. Poor Wally, having to deal with a crazy weirdo.

Dick Grayson: He’s got an amazing personality and pretty privilege working for him. At this rate, the masses manipulate themselves. Only those who are extremely perceptive will pick up on the cold glint in his eyes, and even then, the mystique only adds to his charm. By the time you realize he’s been hiding a darker side, it’s too late. Everyone’s too captivated by how endearing Dick is to hear you out. Even those who know him personally — who know about his struggles and rough patches — think you’re full of shit. Dick’s an emotionally mature man, so why don’t you just talk it out with him?

Steve Rogers: This is a bit unfair, considering the leverage he’s granted as Captain America, but hey… work what you got. While it may seem obvious to you that he’s way too overbearing and protective, good luck trying to get other people on your side. Everyone else thinks it’s a part of his 40s charm. Social norms were just different back then; why can’t you be more appreciative of his old-fashioned care? Besides, you’re probably overreacting. Is it really that bad? Steve is the leader of the Avengers, so maybe you’re just taking his authoritative demeanor the wrong way.

Clark Kent: I’m gonna be so for real, any man from a fuckass state like Kansas is going to come with some personality quirks. People will probably give him the benefit of the doubt by default. Just a farm boy trying to navigate the big city and can’t even hurt a fly. Sure, he can be odd at times, but nothing makes him an inherently bad guy. This is the same man that helps old people cross the street, for god’s sake! He most definitely means well, it’s just a matter of setting boundaries with him. What’s the worst he can do?

Remy LeBeau: Despite what differing opinions may say about The Gambit, Remy seems like he’s got his head on his shoulders. His “red flags” are more on the blurry side. Do you count excessive flirting as a red flag? What about hiding behind charisma and a fake ego instead of going to therapy? Some people may say yes, others no. But in terms of glaring red flags, Remy’s relatively clean. We’ve all got our issues, no? Being a thief doesn’t make you a psycho. That being said, due to Remy’s shifty past, people may be more inclined to listen should you ever express that something’s wrong.

Peter Parker: Honestly… he’s a bit of a weirdo. Nothing obvious at first, but the longer you know him, the more behaviors you may pick up on that make you go, “oh… well… that’s weird”. Take his Polaroid obsession, for example. He’s got at least one photo in every jacket pocket, dozens in his wallet, and a fuck ton in his desk. Poor guy accidentally spilled them all over the ground once, which naturally sparked rumors. But Peter’s a sweetheart. Clingy, but still a sweetheart. Maybe he’s just a little messed up due to everything he’s lost in his life.

Bruce Wayne: Okay. Red flags in the playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne? Absolutely unheard of. He’s an absolute angel. According to all of the stan accounts out there, he could do nothing wrong. But red flags in the real Bruce Wayne? Where do we even begin. Distrusting as fuck, paranoid, argumentative, the occasional fit of violence, a known manipulator and liar… want me to keep going, because I can. It’s very hard to rank Bruce due to the ginormous contrast between general public opinion and those who actually know him, so he goes smack in the middle. Billionaire Bruce Wayne would never be a horrible person to you, but the real Bruce Wayne 100% would.

Jaime Reyes: Because of how mental illness is stigmatized, Jaime’s unfortunately labeled to be dangerous. But it’s not really his fault. That damn scarab has him muttering to himself like a crackhead, and naturally assumptions will be made. When actually given a chance, people will learn that Jaime’s a nice kid. He just probably struggles with schizophrenia or really bad anxiety. Yes, his paranoia can get bad, but again; mental illness. He’s never proven himself to a threat, despite what others may think. He just needs help (but there’s no way to combat the manipulation of Khaji Da. Jaime lost that battle the moment he became Blue Beetle).

Hal Jordan: Oh, yeah. He’s got red flags alright. But they’re mostly normal ones, like his ego and horrendous stubborn streak. Lots of guys out there are like that, and are they considered freaks? No. Well, not all of them. However, it is a bit concerning that he’s willing to throw hands at the drop of a hat. Bro’s one major freak out away from catching assault charges like they’re Pokémon. But if it’s any consolation, it should be noted that he hasn’t gotten into major legal trouble. On Earth. Yet. Some call him rough around the edges, others call him a severely troubled individual. Either way, he definitely needs to seek professional help.

Scott Summers: MAJOR red flags. He’s an overbearing control freak that really needs to work on his… well… his everything. Emotional intelligence, temper, daddy issues… yeah, no. He’s an amazing leader, but probably someone you should steer clear from otherwise. Most wouldn’t be surprised if you two were having issues. It’s not like he wears all of his problems on his sleeve; the iceberg goes much deeper than that. Though he sure as hell doesn’t present himself as a well-adjusted member of society. Proceed at your own risk. Don’t say you weren’t warned, because you probably were.

Bucky Barnes: This is the opposite of Captain America’s case. His reputation as the Winter Soldier kind of skews the perception of him to be a walking red flag. And you know, he really is. Bucky is extremely dangerous. Down to snap necks anytime, anywhere, no amount of charm or endearing quirks will make people feel fully safe around him. His history of violence did not stop post-brainwashing. And it’s not like he’s hiding it, either. There’s this crazed gleam in his eyes that just screams “fuck around and find out,” no matter what his mood is. Who in their right mind would involve themself with THE Winter Soldier?! Yeah, no shit you’re having issues with him. He is an issue.

Tim Drake: Bro is the epitome of “you’re scaring the hoes.” He could be walking down the street — face neutral, hands in his pockets — and total strangers will get the sense that something is deeply wrong with him. The aura around him exudes the reddest of flags. Yes, his face and intelligence are attractive, but even those who have fallen for his pretty boy swag can’t help but sigh dreamily and think, “he really needs to be institutionalized.” Disturbing humor. Creepy staring. Mood swings. Suicidal tendencies. Sadomasochism to the max. The list goes on and on and on. If Dead Dove: Do Not Eat was a person, it’d be him. What were you expecting? It’s Tim fucking Drake.

[aleeyenn]

TALK POST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER!!! hi guys!!!

art has been So hard for the past few months… like way harder than ever… the only art i do is for school at this point :[ i barely even doodle!!! it makes me really sad……. i think a lot of it has to do with my mental state. keeping it reaaall i’m currently in one of the worst emotional points in my life and have been for a while but Ugh!.. it’s gonna be okay in the end… aside from that i think it’s also art class that’s made it all so hard …

for those who don’t know, i’ve been in special art schools since 6th grade, like, schools you have to audition to be in… it’s been great!!! i love(d) meeting likeminded people and being able to relate to each other in a bunch of different ways!! i’ve made SO many friends and so many good memories!!! i’m now in my senior year of high school, half way through… it’s the final stretch for realsies! and i’m reflecting on how the art programs have made me feel about art….

there are SO many benefits that came with the programs minus meeting new people… my art wouldn’t be at the point it is at now without the lessons and expertise and critiques i’ve received from my teachers. i’m grateful i was even accepted into those classes in the first place!!!!!

the main gripe i have with everything tho is how CRAZY it kills your creative flow and enjoyment for art in general… i don’t necessarily blame my teachers, they’re just doing what they’re taught! but i feel like what they’re teaching is wrong in lots of ways…

they put mindsets on students that just… don’t make sense? “art block isn’t real! just draw!” art block isnt just not being able to draw… “every piece you make should be better than your last!” you shouldn’t have to constantly try to one-up yourself!

it’s just all these standards left and right that you have to meet to “be successful” and for your art to be “good”. all of my art classmates and even from the grades below me agree that it’s certainly not the best!!! i can see why everything is the way it is, it’s for improvement and building skill, but i think it’s more damaging than helpful…

i’m SO nitpicky about my art. it’s hard for me to feel proud of things anymore because there’s Always something wrong with what i’m doing… and the way you have to compare yourself and your creations to other people as a grade to begin with is UGH! it’s just teaching students to be SO hard on themselves when art is literally just creating something!!!

the way your art looks shouldn’t determine your value, success, or even worth. art should be FUN!!! it’s a visual extension of yourself. it’s meant to be created with any intention in mind… it’s a reflection of YOU. it’s YOUR unique touch… it shouldn’t have to fit in any criteria!!! you should do what makes you happy!!!

art school can be a blessing but also such a buzzkill… i enjoyed it a lot but it also broke a part of me and it’s really unfortunate… i hope one day i will be able to reverse all those mindsets and relearn my love for drawing. i miss it so so so much…

my lesson to you guys is to not stop… do what makes YOU happy. don’t do things just to look good to others, try to impress YOURSELF. or don’t! just create! because your art is YOU. treat it nicely and don’t ever lose it!!! you can do ANYTHING! you can MAKE anything! if you really think about it, everything’s possible!!!

i think i would word everything better if i was on a stage with a microphone… i think i missed a lot of points too but i hope you all can get the gist of my perspective…

all i know is that i’m not going to be doing any professional art stuff in the future… it suits me better as a hobby!!! i want to be a nurse instead!

no more art school ranting… despite my poor mental health right now, things haven’t been all that bad!!! i hang out with my friends a lot and that’s made everything so much better! i love my friends!!! i love playing games with them and talking with them and going places with them SOOO MUCH!i also have a super amazing partner now too!!!!! they’re the best partner i could ever ask for!!! fun fact, over summer they watched bfdi to get closer with me when we went back to school ISNT THAT SO SWEET AAHHH also our nails are currently painted fireafy colors!!! we are matching!!! so cute… i appreciate them indulging me whenever they can HEHEHEHEEE

anyways i think i’m done talking now…. i’ve said my piece! i haven’t been active for a while So this is catch up time!!! ok bye!!! do something that makes you happy today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or tonight!!!!!!!! or afternoon!!!!!!!!!!

[v-arbellanaris]

i go out of my way to tag my critical posts because i dont want to interrupt people's enjoyment of the game, but ive gotta say im getting really fucking annoyed at fan attitudes about anyone who has criticisms of the game at all

white people in the da fandom will hear "hey, why isnt the fact that racism/classism exists (which THE GAME has made clear for like 15 years now), and is systemic, ever mentioned or acknowledged in any real way in this game" and immediately have the worst bad faith take on the statement ever to immediately scream about how evil it is that People (because ofc they never imagine that any person of colour might be upset at the blatant erasure) Want Depictions of Bad Things like racism in their media

as an example, there is no consideration of slavery as a systemic practice in dock town - even as 'the poorest of the poor' social level, soporati are not slaves. i dont know if youve ever interacted with members of your society, but we do not fucking exist in a vacuum. dock town is not magically Not part of tevinter or tevinter politics - the fucking black divine literally has a whole fucking home base there. it literally wouldn't have taken that many changes either. we could have heard ambient banter about how the pay's shit, etc, but We All Know It Could Be So Much Worse (you could be enslaved). an ambient dialogue/banter about maybe someone working themselves desperately to the bone to try and buy their sibling back from servitude from a magister. like those are ugly situations, yeah, but do you see how that 1) lends some fucking depth to the population that is both consistent with the lore of previous games and 2) emphasising that people in dock town are not magisters, and are as subject to the whims of the ruling class as slaves are (can't believe i want class consciousness in my media, i know) and c) creating social and power distance between the magisters of tevinter and everyone else. but i dont recall getting anything like that in the game, but i do recall the two dockhands trying to awkwardly go on a date together. this is because veilguard is not interested in delving into these topics, which is a decision that was made, that i - a person who paid money for this game - get to criticise. on my own damn blog. under a read more on a correctly tagged post that you can choose not to engage with so as to not spoil your own hype.

YOU can't deal with your guilt so it makes YOU uncomfortable to see depictions of racism, but i dont have that problem. i don't get to opt out of racism in real life, i don't get to opt out of classism and casteism in real life, and so it's important to me to represent these experiences authentically and respectfully. if that kind of storytelling is not your cup of tea, that's fine, you can literally just say that - we all have different things we want out of our media. i might privately judge you but that's a valid take to have. but im getting really fucking annoyed by people acting Holier Than Thou and like Superior Understanders, and constantly undermining valid criticisms of how flat the sociopolitical contexts are in veilguard are either just Coming From The Racists, bad faith interpretations and/or illiterate idiots in the most fucking condescending way possible

[cy-cyborg]

I'm getting a little tierd of the idea because amputees get more representation in media, it means rep for our disability is better and we "have enough"

People are right, we do have way more rep than really any other disability, im not going to deny that, and ive joked before about how often people write amputees without even realising it. So you would think, by sheer numbers, we should have at least some good representation, but by-and-large that is not the case. Legitimatly, the closest example I can think of to point to of good amputee rep is Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood and even that uses multiple tropes I hate (the miracle cure/quest for the miracle cure, the almost perfect prosthetic replacement/forgetting the chatacter is an amputee until it breaks or needs repairs, refusal to call prosthetics, "prosthetics" (automail), the amputee who can't do anything without a prosthetic) and they call Ed a slur for another disability (m*dget) CONSTANTLY. I love fmab deeply, it legitimatly helped me feel seen and represented as a childhood amputee in a way no other show has even come close to, and when it gets it right, it gets it really right, but it's also very far from great and should not be the best example I can think of. Especially nearly 15 years after it released...

A big part of the reason why I don't read many books anymore is because of the sheer amount of books with downright offensively bad amputee rep, some of which were touted as good by people with other disabilities and were recommended to me as good examples. others times, I wasn't even looking for books with amputee/disability rep, it just popped up. It has ruined one of my childhood hobbies for me. Ive tried to get back into reading again as an adult but it hasn't gotten better in that time i was away. I was kicked out of 3 different scifi writing groups on facebook and reddit for asking people to remember "cybernetic enhancement" users are amputees - a real group of people, and maybe debating weather or not we're less human isnt great, and for pointing out seeing those discussions every day was making me feel pretty unwelcome in that space (yes i know, "real" cyberpunk isnt trying to say that, i had to turn notifications off on my post about the topic, it doesnt change the fact that newer creators in the genre dont seem to get that bit, that ive seen cyberpunk writers in these spaces say that debating weather people who loose more parts of their body were less human was, in fact, their intent but they hadnt even considered the fact this made their chatacters amputees, it doesnt change the fact that these tropes, intentionally or not, help make those spaces hostile for disabled fans/creators, especially amputees).

But yeah, I should be thankful I get more rep than other disabilities, no matter the quality, right?

It doesn't just stop at being me being made uncomfortable, though. The sheer, overwhelming amount of amputee chatacters with "perfect prosthetics" has had a noticeable impact on how we are perceived irl. In my lifetime, the general idea people have about multi-limbed amputees in particular has gone from "literally the worst thing that can happen to a person and the worst disability to have" to "is it even a disability? The prosthetic fixes it". These are both wildly untrue and harmful ideas about my disability that were both perpetuated by media, but now that the second one is taking root, it's causing real problems. I have not been shy in talking about how I have to fight to maintain my NDIS funding every time I get something done with my prosthetics, and had to get my prosthetist to sign off, twice, that my fancy prosthetic knee that costs the same as a higher-end new car ($125,000 AUD) is not, in fact a cure and I still need help with other things. It took me nearly 2 years to get a new wheelchair because they didn't understand why I needed it if I had the prosthetics - which to be honest, is not comfortable for me to wear, let alone use all day every day. Guys this isn't just assholes on the street or on twitter saying dumb shit, it's the people in the government body who decide how much funding I get to help with my disability who beleive it. People who have very real control over my life. It's not entirely the media's fault, but when the sheer, overwhelming majority of representation for people like me confirms that belief, it's hard to ignore the possibility that these portrayals are contributing to it, you know?

Which makes it so frustrating when I come on here and see other disability writing advice blogs saying to not write amputees because they have so much representation already. We do, I can acknowledge that, but the vast, vast majority of it is shit, and no one, not even other disabled people, are listening to us about it. And what makes it even worse, is the people they're advising to not writing amputees are the creators who care enough to be doing the research. They're the ones willing to listen, to ask questions. They could be the start of the positive change. But instead they're advised to not even bother with us.

And don't get me wrong, other disabilities ARE under-represented. There are so many disabilities, including some I have myself, that I've never seen represented as anything other than the butt of a joke. There does need to be more reprentation of disabilities other than amputation and limb differences. 100%! but can you please talk about that without saying "amputees have enough"

This isn't even touching on how amputees/people with limb differences who dont/cant use prosthetics, or even folks who use prosthetics sometimes but not others, are almost never represented unless it's for pitty-porn, or how the non-fictional media's (news outlets, etc) portrayal of amputees in particular is used to justify hurting very real, very vunderable people but this rant is long enough and honestly, ive got enough thoughts to make whole other posts on those subjects. That second one in particular deserves its own (more thought-out) spotlight and shouldn't be a footnote in a frustrated rant post lol.

[iznyangwoni]

STRINGS OF FATE, chapter four

You’ve been to parties. Lots of parties. Well, formal ones for the most part. Its not like you haven’t been to other parties, you do remember going to a couple back in high school, but then again, it was high school and you were too much of a good girl back then to drink underage or anything else.

But this is completely different. The music is so loud its making your head hurt, everyone seems so drunk already and the smell of sweat and smoke is getting in your throat, if thats even possible.

There’s one good thing here though. Heeseung is there, looking at you with a little smirk on his face as he tells you to come closer to him with his hands. You smile at him, and say bye to Minjeong and Minju, not even waiting for them to answer before you walk towards him.

“hey.” Oh. He’s hot, he’s very very hot, and you’re very very weak. He offers you his drink, you have no clue what’s in it, but after all you already pregamed this a bit, and you certainly dont want to look like a loser in front of him, right? “You look pretty.”

You smile at that, your ears already getting red as you drink whatever he gave you. You do a twirl in your little white dress and he looks very much amused by that. “Well, thank you. This party is uh.. peculiar.” “Never been to a prince party before?” You just shake your head to say no, nothing to hide here, its obvious that you and Heeseung have two different interests when it comes to go out.

“Are your friends here too?” “Jimin and Chaewon are. Jungwon doesnt really like parties.” Well, that’s something you and Jungwon have in common. If it weren’t for Heeseung inviting you, you would’ve probably stayed home reading or swimming in the lake, but your here and as alluring the thought of getting inside the water is, you can’t really just run away.

Heeseung and you chat for a little bit longer, you already know that you guys dont really have much in common, you realized during those walks towards your classes when you ‘accidentally’ bumped onto him every morning, but its nothing that a couple of drinks cant help with. So you do that, its starts with the drink he gave you, then another one, and another one until you lose count and his blabbering about parties and castles and stuff is nothing but a distant sound.

You find yourself dancing with him, his hands on your hips, yours behind his neck. He’s still whispering things to you but you’re way too distracted to hear him. You wonder about a lot of things, where your friends are, if they’re having fun, you even wonder what Jungwon would do alone in his room when none of his friends were available, you really think you should be his friend. And god, you want to swim, so damn bad.

Heeseung’s hand under your chin wakes you up, you look at him in the eyes, you know he’s hot for a fact, but you can barely make his face out. “You look cute. Can i kiss you?” That takes you by surprise, kiss you? Isnt that going a bit too far? But then again, you’re drunk, and if a hot guy wants to kiss you why shouldn’t you agree.

You nod and he doesn’t think twice before going in. You’ve kissed only a couple of guys in your life, and with this third one coming in, you could make a list from bad to worst. It doesn’t feel natural, nor does it feel as magical as people like to describe it here. It just feels wet and confusing. You pull out after a minute, not really wanting to continue. “Should we go find a room?”

Oh. Of course thats what he wanted. You should’ve been smarter about this, you’re way too drunk to reject that offer in a normal way. “Uh.. I.. I don’t think..” Your head hurts by now, you can only think about going for a swim, you want to touch the water and see the lake, you dont really want to keep this up. But your words come before your thoughts. “Sure, let me go to the bathroom first.”

He smiles at you and lets you go, but what he doesnt know is that you’re far from searching for a bathroom, you just need to go to the lake right now, so that’s where you’re headed.

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[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being ex-HYDRA and Bucky being your mentor

Bucky Barnes x teen!reader

warnings:

a/n:

prompt: @marvelflame2010: “Hello, can you write headcanons for Bucky Barnes being a mentor to a teenager (around 15-16) that was ex-HYDRA and is trying to be a hero? read your request rules, so I hope that this is proper. Thank you!”

sometimes it felt like no one knew what you had went through, being abducted and forced to be a weapon for a secret organization whose purpose was to gain more control

but when you met these avengers, it felt like everyone and their momma knew what it was like

bucky barnes, for example

the winter soldier, a WWII soldier deemed missing in action, presumed dead, and happened to be a prisoner of war and beyond

the experimentation and mind control he endured was much like your own, which gave you some comfort

“does it ever feel weird hearing one of your trigger words as a civilian? you know, now that we got ‘reset?’” -you

“not…no, not really? who’s speaking russian around you, y/n?” -bucky

“uh…i mean, no one. i’ve just been watching a lot of russian tv recently” -you

“why would you naturally assume i am also doing that?” -bucky

“why did you assume i didn’t?” -you

ok, thats not the greatest example of bucky mentoring you, but it’s a great example of sarcastic bickering!

honestly, the hardest part was learning how to be gentle again

if you could even say you were ever gentle to begin with being taken so young

it was hard to be so ruthless and unfeeling and have to start feeling

the nights of panic and anxiety were the worst, they made you wish you had that switch in your mind still. you’d whispered the trigger words to yourself sometimes to see if they were still there and if they could “help” you turn off those feelings

but bucky knew. he knew and he learned and he stuck with you

“y/n, those feelings are good” -buck

“no! no, they’re not. why are you saying it’s good to feel bad? i can’t breathe! i can’t think!” -you

“because you have feelings now. it’s the same as when you’re happy. you get to feel happy, it comes with all that other stuff. you have options, opportunities, this is one of them. you just have to take deep breaths” -bucky

combat training was the strangest feeling

“nope. too hard” “pulling your punches now” “your aim there was lethal” “you can’t put that much force into a chokehold” “cutting someone’s finger off isnt cool, y/n. kind of a dick move” “you automatically try to inflict severe injuries, arteries should not be the go-to. disarm your enemy first, if anything”

nothing ever felt right

if you were fighting effectively, you’d risk killing someone, which isn’t what you do anymore

if you held back too much, you’d be injured or killed, and all this would be for nothing

there had to be a sweet spot, but it was never what you were trained for. you were trained to eliminate your targets by any means

but you understood bucky all the same

bucky was there to help you acclimate to the norm too

like, whatever that was

says the guy with the metal arm and fought in world war ii despite the fact it was now like. 2020-something

like a normal ass dinner

“you know, i rarely ever got to go out to eat as a kid” -bucky

“can you ever say something that doesn’t make you sound ancient?” -you

“hey, you wanna pay for your meal tonight or do you want me to?” -bucky

“sorry…” -you

you liked to watch dumb tv shows (the american kind) with him

he’d indulge for a few minutes and then walk off unless he was REALLY interested

actually, he really enjoyed the office

“which avenger would each character be?” -you

“don’t…don’t make me do that” -bucky

“come on! you know, i kind of think phyllis and bruce are alike. like, theyre soft until they get mad and then all bets are off” -you

“that is…dumb” -bucky

sam really loved that bucky was there for you

but he saw that bucky was kind of doing it to distract himself too

“you know, me and steve found bucky just minding his business a while back. all he wanted then was to be alone, mind his business. this? this was what he needed” -sam

“what? a teenage hydra defector?” -you

“i mean, if youre gonna put it that way” -sam

“no, i get what youre saying” -you

steve actually didn’t come up too much, you know?

you thought bucky was trying to keep himself in the present as much as he could

which was what you were trying to learn from him in the end. how to move forward

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[christmasjade]

My thoughts on Married in Red+ My general thoughts on Studio Investigrave !

So I really like this game

It was fun to be able to play it on my own with no help from Youtubers and stuff ^^

The game has 1 ending, though you can have 2 different kinds of game overs lol (I'll get to that later)

The mc (Bok-su) and her relationship with the bride (Da-Jeong) is sad , but not shocking lol. You can kind of tell from the promotional art (and the theme of atonement said in the itch.io description) that Da-Jeong and Bok-Su are not on good terms.

I like that Bok-su was able to get her revenge on Da-Jeong. Obviously her way of doing it is horrible, and the groom (Myeong-hoon) being a main part of her revenge is sad, because he had nothing to do with this.

However, I dont feel that bad for Da-Jeong at all. Yeah, two wrongs dont make a right, and people panic, but she essentially ruined Bok-Su's life and reputation to save her own ass, so I really can't bring myself to feel too bad for her.

Sure you can argue that the situations are different, with Bok-Su purposefully killing Myeong-Hoon meanwhile what Da-Jeong did was a mistake, but I personally am a firm believer of getting your lick back, so 🤗..

I also like how the deaths and reactions are the exact same lmao.

The patient Da-Jeong killed was a man, and his mother said something along the lines of like.. "You killed my son" (I dont exactly remember, depsite me literally just playing LMAOO) and Myeong-Hoons mom literally says the same thing/something adjacting to that too Da-Jeong.

Da-Jeong runs off and during her break down says "I didn't do it-", which is what Bok-Su says when shes retelling the story of what Da-Jeong did to her.

Bok-Su had to goal of getting her payback to make Da-Jeong atone and she accomplished it. And the crazy thing is, despite everything that happened, Da-Jeong never said sorry.

She never said sorry. Not when Bok-Su showed up to the wedding, not when the two of them where alone in the garden, and damn sure not when Da-Jeong had "enough" of Bok-Su being there.

She never said sorry, not even when she pointed the blame onto Bok-Su. In fact, Bok-Su repeats a line that Da-Jeong said to her when (I'm assuming so anyway) the incident happened. Da-Jeong told her that she didnt have anything to worry/be mad about.

The ending of the game, obviously, isnt really a happy ending. Bok-Su gets her revenge and makes Da-Jeong go through what she did but 10× worst. So sure its happy for her,but its still horrific lol

Which is why I love endings for the games that Studio Investigrave makes. With the exception of Cold Front, all of the endings across all the games arent truly happy ever after kind of endings.

With Dead Plate, Rody either has to kill Vincent after finding out his ex was killed and turned into food by him AND after he tried to do the same to Rody.

Yeah Rody makes it out alive, but theres still a horrible and traumatic incident that happened. He knows why Vince did it, and was able to get rid of him, but it doesn't erase the fact that Manon is still dead. (Or with the other ending he leaves the restaurant and never find Manon, because shes in the fridge "missing".)

With Elevator Hitch, the cycle repeats for Protag. When he finally gets the chance to leave the Elevator and the building, hes stopped by some..guy ?? (Who looks like an alternate lmao) and is convinced that he needs the job. The exit doors then open up into the elevator again. He never leaves that building, and is probably stuck in a time loop.

With Eloquent Countenance, Angelica either gets the ritual redone on her by the cult, or is stuck in the cult with the knowledge that shes not the only one in her body. But that she shares it with an angel pretending to be the dead wife of the cults pastor.

Yeah, she lives, but she has to wait until Forcas can fully save her from her possession by said angel. The ending, like Dead Plate and Married in Red, is horrific.

And then with the other ending of Cold Front , if you push Winnie off the stairs, he dies in the crash and Auggie takes his place. It's a happy ending for Auggie, sure, but he never gets the closure or the realization that Winnie was never the wicked and mean person he made him out to be in his head. Its disturbing how content he is with it, with the fact that his former best friend is dead and how he replaces him.

But yeah, erm... the game was fun, 10/10 ^^