#the worst part is that it isnt even all that bad.
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drawing a silly little version of myself in silly little shows because creating silly little fantasies and daydreaming about silly little characters is no longer enough to keep my silly little mind from exploding.
#maladaptive daydreaming#maladaptive coping#maladapting daydreaming disorder#actually mdd#autism wasnt enough so i had to have mdd aswell#the worst part is that it isnt even all that bad.#its just kind of tiring to “wake up” from something you carfully curated uet isnt even real#and you put so much work into so many different stories or fantasies only for you to blink twice and see its fake#but it's keeping me alive#maladaptive behaviors#mha#haikyuu#hq#my hero academia x reader#haikyuu x reader#jjk#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaison#naruto#Naruto x reader#izuku x reader#bakugou x reader#sukuna x reader#button mashing for fun lols!!#rottmnt#self insert art#artists on tumblr#help
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Odd to me that the whole "x trans group has it worse, actually" people seem to both be really optimistic about how cissexual cisgender society views trans people of every stripe, just about different groups. Like they don't see any of us as one of them. There's still regular degular transphobia and its fucking everpresent for literally every trans person there is. There's no passing so successful that you opt out of society beong transphobic on literally any side.
#i mostly think the hashtag transcourse or w/e on here is like. amusing and entertaining. because its always people trying to corner the#market on things that happen broadly to shitloads of groups that just don't usually also overlap with being white and middle class#but i was sitting around offline and was thinking about something someone else had said on a post that was particularly stupid#and like was an argument on the 'transmisogyny is the worst oppression of any group' side that somehow managed to contradict one of the core#tenets of transmisogyny theory in the process#and it was just like. for such a cynical attitude you are really really optimistic about Society huh. you really think you can actually#pass hard enough and your acceptance will actually come huh.#hell even the concept and the way passing is approached in Trans Discourse TM vs in race theory is really something#eh im gonna quit running my mouth in the tags and go to bed bc i gotta be up in like 6 hours but last parting shot#why is everyone on here so obsessed with making Theories of Xyz that are like 'this is just a personal thing that applies to people' and not#Structural Analyses that Discuss Structures. like misogyny is a structural issue and its ingrained in every layer of our society its like.#an understood quantity that misogyny isnt just something that Happens To Women but a fundamental part of how power institutions etc are m#built and structured and why feminists of the past had to fight for things like the right to manage their own money and why women as a class#are disenfranchised relative to men as a class. right#how is it that everyone hotly debating niche gay and trans and etc theories on here are incapable of discussing these things as structural#elements that play off of and feed into one another in lieu of making them into like personal things. that happen to you if you are#personally something or other but don't like permeate our society on a fundamental level somehow. the actual transmisogyny theories are#structural so why are you all so bad at it. i dont know if transandrophobia even has a theory and if it has any structural critiques i#havent seen them personally#like idk its just fucking funny to me. and kind of weird.#why claim to be super adherent to one structural critique and philosophy and then refuse to engage with the structural results of that#structural criticism. are you even reading what you're riffing off.
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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2 years ago i fucked up a friendship w a girl (that im pretty sure i was in love with). to this day i think of her and sometimes when i see her on the street i just wanna cry. i understand your plight very much.
yeahhh man im sorry to hear that!!! it genuinely fucking sucks and i would never wish this upon anyone. cuz like it makes you fully think about all the what ifs and i genuilnely dont think ill ever find someone like her again
#im not trying to sound dramatic im being so serious she was so fucking perfect for me#i geuss the difference is shes the one who broke up w me and i know i didnt do anything wrong#neither of us did#its just like fuck!!! you know?? like we could have been so much#serious relationships dont need to be longterm to be serious you know???#one of these days im going to get tipsy and then 'drunk' text her even though i fiully intend to text her#and then claim i was just drunk because im notl ying im just not telling the full truth#like i fully considered it last night but i knew it would be a bad idea and i know if i do it its just gonna fuck things up more#but im soooo tempted man#like i dont know what itll even do#i know inside my goal is to maybe convince her that its not our time to end but i know in reality#its just gonna make her feel guilty and push her away even more if i show her how much ic are abou ther#i just seriously wish i understood why she even did it#i also thought being back on campus would help and i mean it has for sure becuase ive had my friends to distract me#but the thing is im not enjoying anything. like im not being distracted im just being numbed ykwim#cuz the moment i leave my friends all i do is think about her#and even when im WITH my friends ill be in the moment w them and then 2 minutes later ill start zoning out thinking about her#like the worst part about this is i dont have any anger *against* her#maybe im angry about like the general situation but the anger isnt against her#and while being angry is its own kind of pain in a way it can be easier cuz at least then youre tempted to have a good time and show off#but when its like this where youre just sad at the situation like what am i actually gonna do except think about her#sorry anon im not trying to dump on you i just start ranting in the tags sometimes#sunny rambles#anon tag#asks
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alr so i’m bored and feeling very faggoty and trans so y’all are gonna see my transition goals right here rn yessiree
et voila
#the worst part is that i’m really not that far off#all i need to do is work out cut my hair get a binder and go on t#honestly initially the t isnt even necessary i just wanna have facial hair and a deeper voice#thats all i need from t and any other masculinity i acquire is greatly appreciated as a bonus#i just wanna be a boy dude#transmasc#nonbinary transmasc#transgender#nonbinary#i love how part of my goals for my future self is literally just to have a bunch of big sensory aids#sensory aids are so cool !! and sexy !!! and they’re not bad or ugly or shameful !!!!
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can not fathom why she thought shed be a good therapist. girl ive been responsible for your mental health in one way or another since the day i was born and i have never met a person as overwhelmingly pessimistic as you in my entire life.
#the worst part about it is that no matter how angry i get or what reprieve those moments bring i always just end up feeling bad for her#after our fights when i see her next and shes sad i just want to comfort her and hug her and tell her im sorry and that its going to be okay#and i hate that i want to do that because she shouldve done that for me#i shouldnt have had to lie and tell you that youre a great mother even though im scared of you. but i did.#it wasnt my responsibility to talk you down from suicide when i was fucking 12. but i did.#and then when you find out ive been hurting myself your first instinct isnt to comfort me its to start fucking screaming at me#you were all i had for so long why couldnt you even be kind to me
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#im all for curating ur online space to just the things u like#but whats just annoying to see is when a page shows their stance on a very important political issue and comments r like#“i thought u were a [content] page. why are u bringing politics into this?” maybe YOU would like to stay blissfully ignorant#but to the cc it was important to show people where they stand on it. and its not even off brand for their page either#theyre BUNNY TRAINERS. if this persons been actually reading the things the cc has been posting about its VERY on brand.#its basically taking people away from their living space and putting them in foreign environments and no resources#is obviously bad for their mental and can leave them with trauma. no support system or safety either in undamiliar places.#thats so scary. and to be forcefully removed is the worst part. and she literally says she works w mammals and thats the connection#on why she feels she needs to address it or how she'll support her statement like. its not rocket science.#and anyway i understand curating your online experience but asking why people living in a that country are addressing#political issues is just fucking stupid. AND ITS JUST ONE POST MIND YOU.#and again shes not even like a cute bunny page or anything. shes a bunny trainer.#none of her posts are “look at this cute bunny🥰” its literally shit like#if ur bunny is biting u its scared of u and probs thinks ur a predator#and if u react aggressively ull reaffirm their beliefs and ittl get worse. also some bunnies are so scared that even just yelping#even if u werent aggressive can startle them. so sometimes u just have to just gloves and show them biting doesnt do anything.#LIKE ITS THAT KIND OF SHIT. ofc she would address it this way like it literally makes sense😭#and shes very firm on her stance too! ^^#but yeah my thing is like. im also very shut off from everything but not this shut off.#why do people so badly want to close themselves off from reality like this? it doesnt make sense. esp if it isnt affecting you.#address it and support those who are willing to support others who need the help. you could scroll past one post.#youll live. but other people wont. like it makes me so mad when people shut things out and blatantly say shit like#“ughh politics 🙄” GIRL SHUT UP!!#i do understand if there are maybe graphic pictures attached to every post and you cant take it so you have to block a tag#or avoid news. fine. i understand it makes people uneasy. but this person does not seem bothered by people being wronged.#they just seem to want this to be a cute bunny viewing page. which it literally fucking isnt.#anyway. fuck that person and fuck the rest of you who cant just hit unfollow or scroll past ONE post before you fucking yap.#SOME PEOPLE CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE IN DANGER. the LEAST these pages can do is explain whats going on and how its bad.#44597
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hm
#ok time to bitch and whine bc i wanna :3c#first off i want to say that i know all the nuances and i dont have it the worst and i think my mom is fine but. im also allowed to be upse#and i dont want to backpedal on that so i will try my best to not excuse behaviours with 'but also's. if i do fucking hit me with hammers#sillyposting#ok. early-mid 2021's. starting to get into the bad stuff for me.#im just getting aware of the autism and. other circumstances.#fine sure yesyesyes. i want to sit with my knee above the table bc its more comfy and i dont see a problem. my parents apparently do#i persist bc. there isnt a fucking problem and their points are stupid. i still think so and luckily theyve gotten over it now but.#anyway. alongside the rebelious action offf: wanting to sit comfortably!! i also sometimes have issues with sensory overload. SHOCKER.#especially then as i was getting worse in every aspect and. having actual physical symptoms because of it. my ticcing was bad during it#anyway. apparently having headphones on during dinner is also bad. most of the times i didnt want to cause more trouble so took them off.#akaaaa i was just forced to dissociate during almost every dinner instead of. having the 'privilege' to be normal.#the worst day with this was during fall break when my grandparent were also there.#i think it was just before the dam broke for me or maybe it was during but....#during dinner in an unknown vacationhouse with more people than i was used to and chairs that scraped the floors: i wanted to keep my headp#i didnt have music on. i was actively participating in conversation! i just needed a little less noise.#but it was for some reason too much to handle. and my parents werent grown up enough to let this slide.#taking care of myself was less important than upholding their useless ideals. ok.#i was denied dinner. because i needed something different than what they personally wanted.#so i went to my room and cried. 17 y/o. aside from everything else that was already happening inside me this still hits me the hardest#its the fact that. they didnt consider me at all. i still dont know why they were so upset over me doing something slightly different#the fact that they couldnt even properly explain why (because there wasnt a real reason) didnt help my view of them during that time.#anyway. im doing better now. i dont think theyre abusive anymore or have ever really been. *gets hit with hammers* ow okayyy#but. it has stuck with me. very much so.#so now when my mother keeps her headphones on during dinner bc of overstimulation. it hurts. it hurts so much.#you couldnt give me this during the beginning of the worst part of my life. but youll take it for your own now?#i wont say things bc ill get hit by hammers so. i get to be upset about this.#i do. i should be.#i want things to have gone differently. i want them to have understood it earlier. if not that; i want her to not take what i was denied.#I... *get hit with hammers*.... =3=
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okay i know im the only person here but if superman and lois puts jordan on a villain arc i will be forced to change my name and disappear into the void
#superman and lois#because like. What The Fuck?????#i havent Watched the new episode yet but how could the first two episodes set up such a good story#and then immediately undo everything by giving jon powers and bringing back clark like??? the fuck????#like jordan ISNT bad he genuinely wants to help people? just because he's rebellious he's supposedly villain material??#did we all just forget it was jon who took and dealt superdrugs and was evil in bizarro land because he got powers and jordan didnt#like i know everyone likes jon but this feels like weird fanservice getting death in the family vibes from this#even clark didnt have control over his powers as a kid like jon does so what the hell?#literally why is this happening#and WHY undercut the first two episodes like that by bringing back clark????? like give it some room to breathe. the fuck#why undercut 3 seasons of development and lois's bond with jon???#and the worst part is i feel like i am the only person in the world mad about this
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Sometimes I get so pissed off I want to kill myself which may seem counterintuitive but does immediately end the situation for me thus meaning I've still ultimately won
#i dont even experience genuine suicidality anymore#but god i just get so fucking angry#and i cant fucking change any of this shit!! i cant keep fucking watching all this shit crumble#and watch any progress be immediately destroyed#if i was allowed to kill about 10-15 people on this planet. the amount shit could change is insane#and it pisses me tf off so bad#because i cant do that#and no one can#and the shit that can be done just isnt enough#life is only going to get worse and harder from here#and theres nothing i can fucking do about it#i dont even want to die#im actually pretty into being alive rn#which is the worst part#im excited about a life i may never get to really live
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had to donate blood earlier today because my blood cell count was too high at my last pp appt to get my t renewed and god. why didnt anyone warn me about your arm going all hot but also cold and not hurting but definitely feeling insanely weird and uncomfortable and Bad. LITERALLY NO ONE TOLD ME SO I WASNT READY AT ALL AND I STARTED MONKEY BRAIN FREAKING OUT
#like yes i anticipated it feeling funny and uncomfy but THAT. SUUUUCCKEEEEDD.#i was only able to go like halfway before i started squirming around too much and when the guy said i could stop whenever i IMMEDIATELY#went I WANNA STOP even though i shouldnt have urrghhhhhh i was just in genuine panic mode which is a little embarassing.#my roommate was there with me to help calm me down and after the fact told me that the guy taking my blood apparently said that#having an instinctive panic response was normal because well. your brain feels all your blood sucking out and thinks FUUUCK IM BLEEDING OUT#(roommate had to tell me because i was like. writhing and whining and trying not to black out so i wasnt hearing anything LOL)#i have the lab followup appt at pp ooonnnn friday where theyll do another finger poke and i swear to god. if my blood cell count isnt low#enough for them to be able to refill my T. im gonna freeeaaaaakkkkkk#cause im already getting reeaaalll low on T so this is already cutting it close but if they have to turn me away again im fuuugggeeedddddd#and the worst part is that im probably gonna have to start regularly donating no matter what anyway =_=#on one hand yes its bound to get easier the more i do it...... thats the case with the little tiny vial blood draws ive been having to do..#but hooooly freak guys. i really wasnt prepared at all for how intense it started feeling WHICH IS DRAMATIC I KNOOOOWWWW#it wasnt helped by them apparently using a much bigger needle so i FELT it POP in and the guy went “wow i really had to force it in there”#or something so i was immediately off to a bad start LOL#AAAAAANYWAYS. SIGH. being on T is awesome but of course im one of the unlucky ones who starts getting way too much blood about it#so now im doomed to be stuck with needles all the time forever#mumbling
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I did in fact rewatch s2 ep2 for the rewrite. God its like. Actually is genuinely just the shows worst episode huh
#its such a nothing episode like#the parts that should have been expanded on werent and zulius has no growth? like yeah. we KNOW he can stand up for the herd. this isnt new#he really wants to organise this thing for some reason? but then it never shows him doing that#splendibs cut scene is a LOT more obviously gone than i remembered its like. where is he he should be here#the jokes arent as funny. i mean parvesh cheena delivers but hes done that on some of tfrbs worst episodes#no hate to the crew obvs but DAMN . what did they even want to get out of this??#THERES ONLY ONE TRUE SONG. WTF#idk if its trying to be an mlp fandom joke or a reality tv show joke? its all just so confused#again theres no fucking character.#im like astounded its awful#i thought on rewatch itd be a typical funny centaurworld episode but with a bad premise. its somehow so much worse!!#waterbaby im so glad to see you sweetie#also the animation is goofy as hell for some reason
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I ran out of tag space but oomf had some good notes
smthn easy for today (sorry)
#Kronos is the worst dad no. 1#I remember that fic where he made it obviously that Acronix was unwanted until he found out he's the master of time too 💔#<- prev tags#prepare for a whole rant that doesnt make sense from me#its not really a hc BUT in my brain the time twins are the first and only time in ninjago history that a power has been used by two people#so when krux was born first... kronos just assumed he was the only one to get time. this is coupled with the fact hes a faster learner than#acronix. so he was the first one to actually present the power of time. i think nix finally did YEARSSS later but until then he was seen as#a bit of a failure... my son who is very smart and has this strong power ... and then my other child who never listens to me and is weak#(acronix having adhd and being treated like a bad child because he presented undesirable traits... yeah)#and because of this there was quite a bit of animosity between the twins. even though they loved each other. nix was very very jealous of#krux for soooo many things. krux was treated better and it wasnt like it was *his* fault .. they were KIDS !!! but when youre a child angry#at the world... its harder to express that anger to the adult causing you harm vs someone on more equal ground to you. if that makes sense#'i will not yell and scream at my warrior father but i will refuse to play games with my brother' . obvs this didnt last forever but yknow#neither of the brothers were really able to be who they wanted to be. they couldnt really express themselves properly. but krux was always#able to mask better than acronix. so a bigggg part of that jealousy is also misunderstanding. like krux isnt happy either but when youre a#child its hard to clock how others feel. idk. and then after nix was discoveres to be a master of time .. straight to the grooming to be#child soldiers !!! the culture 60 years ago in ninjago was veryyy different. during the serpentine war i imagine most of the elemental#masters to be 20 ish ? some in their 30s but they had been elemental masters for basically MOST of their lives#esp wu and garm... they grew up and had to fight and never really had that time to be kids. which is how i like to imagine the time twins#theres a lot of parallels between those 4 and i want to gif their fight bc i realized that nix kept looking to krux like 'what do we do'#time twins are very codependent on each other. wu and garm rapidly aged when they were separated. etc#dont think nix couldve lasted those 40 years without his brother. krux takes big brother leading the way to the next level#3 minutes apart !!! but you wouldnt be able to tell that bc they act years apart. well prior to them actually being years apart#the way krux was piloting the iron doom and nix was the co pilot. the plan to go back to the past. nix just going along with stuff#hes more prone to stick to a plan krux makes than krux is to stick to a plan nix makes ... which is kinda canon#like how krux sent the snaks to destroy the borg store (veering off the plan) vs nix who kindaaa needs his brothers leadership or he'll die#in my version of s7 krux gets sent to the time vortex and then acronix is the one waiting years and years. ALSO FUCKKK smthn i realized :#wu isnt really one to hold a grudge like that and so i find it interesting that he WAITED for acronix at the monastery#like for morro and aspheera . they came to wu. vs wu who came to acronix to finish what the twins started all those years ago#thinking about how the time twins were heroes at one point. thinking about how the ninja didnt recognize them in the painting. thinking abt
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I have such a low tolerance to weed its infuriating. Like I barely had any and I'm in such a dreamlike state. Worst part is this is my first time and I'M AT A FAMILY GATHERING. I am so nervous someone's gonna notice. My brother says I'm fine but I'm going in and out of awareness. Also I can't find my phone. But I legit thought I was dreaming. Thank god for my bro though I would NOT be okay without him.
#like yes getting high there were some fun experiences#but I'm so paranoid about getting found out rn#and I dont want my bro to get shit for it#because I know he would get blamed for it even though this was my doing#it struck all at once#these hours are going by so slowly#AND THE WORST PART?#THEY'RE SLEEPING OVER#SO THIS ISNT SOMETHING I CAN JUST SLEEP OFF#and now Im super dehydrated cause I drank a bunch of caffeine#bro said that it would help me stay alert while high#i dont know if thats helping#so now im trying to drink water but it feels like i have to pee every five minutes#if anyone asks me im just gonna say i have a headache#cause i do#from the dehydration#whatever#im known for hiding during family events#i just feel bad about hiding now and the fact that i got so high during a family gathering#drug tw#drug mention#if anyone has advice PLEASE share it
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#im really just ranting so pleasr ignore this post it really isnt that serious i just need to vomit it all out before i crash#i wish i knew who i was i wish i knew who i was going to be who i would havr been before everythong went to shit#before my parents beat my soul into submission before i retreated into myself so hard im killing myself just trying to come out again#i dont know who i am or what i want or even how to begin ttying any of that#my therapist started saying all the same things my dad would say abiut me and about my qork and about my life#id been with her for over 5 years so maybe she is right maybe my dad was right maybe my parents were right maybe i do deserve nothing#i hate my body but my partner says its beautiful i can barely face the day but my partner is happy when i do#they say my parents were wrong in so many ways but why is it taking me so long to prove it#ive been bad my whole life o was a bad kid a bad friend a bad adult but i wanna be goood so bad ii might puke#i know i can be good but why cant i prove it why is it stopping me why cant i push my my brain why cant i hit the override and just LIVE#its hard being 25 when i didnt think id make it to 15#its hard living when all you want to do is give up i want to give up i wish i could and maybe a few years ago i would have#but now for the first time in my life i want to live i want to do good but my brain body and soul have no idea how#i think im autistic and the worst part is realizing how much of me that is how much i should havr been cared for#i have to learn how to live in the world but the world is so scary and it hurts and my therapist talkrd a lot about getting used to it#she wanted me to dive in and didnt understand no matter how many qays i tried to explain to her how much it painrd me to try it her way#i wish i could just do it that i could grin and bear it but i cant anymore i cant just do it#i wish i could just become who i was supposed to be someone without the pain and the torture and the constant berating#someone who can have a job and cook dinner and still feel whole after it all#i jist want to live i want to be good i want to get better and i feel like peeling my skin off my body i feel like ripping out my teeth#it makes me feel awful every time i cant do sometbing because i was getting better i couod feel it and now im in hell this is worse#i feel like im experiencing depression for the first time all over again ivw never been so violently thrown bacj into the pit#please i want out i want to hear creaks without thinking someone is 8n my home i want to clean like someone isnt watching me#i want to move around my home like i dont expect to be graded i want to be able to sleep at night and not have tomorrow ruined by flashback#im so so tired and for the first time in my life o dont wanna give up i wanna be better but i dont know how#every time i try to get help something goes wrong and i run out of insurance soon so im probably just fucked#my antidepressants arent doing shit and my birth control makes everything harder and i jist wish i could take medication and live#im tired im tired but ive been crying in the bathroom for over an hour because sometbing so stupid triggered me#and now im a child again and i have work tomorrow and i cant scream and cry into my partner cause they have work#they work so hard for us and i can barely do a day im so fucking pathetic and yet they stay with me
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😔
#im gonna spill some woes here so get ready yall#ughhhh i hate working so much its sosososooooooo stupid#why cant they just give me the pay i dont wanna go there every day#and the worst thing is#i like the tasks theyre alright#i like like. making sandwitches and brewing coffee carrying plates whatever#and we dont have difficult customers like almost ever its chill#even washing dishes isnt rly that bad#its the having to work with my coworkers part that pisses me off#theyre not even like bad theyre okay#but im only there for summer so im so slow and dont know anything and stuff#and a. i feel bad that they have to pick up my slack and like do more work or stuff cause of me#but also b. im kind of pissed the boss doesnt consider it or whatever that obviously stuffs gonna take longer if theres newbies doing it#and sometimes the coworkers are soo like. not even condesending but like talking to me like im stupid#like girl i assure i can figure some of this out myself i know two papers need to be stapled together so they stick together#and then other times theyre like surely you can wash four racks of dishes in 20mins right? and carry it all back to its place obiously?#and then when i struggle theyre like :/ okay#AND cause im so stiff and awkward and bad at socializing its even worse#cause i cant 'small talk' or anything i try but i fucking suck at it#theres like one person who treats me normally istg#AND the boss keeps fucking. drowning me in shifts#and i keep telling her i want the ampunt of hours we agreed on not as many as you can give#and she keeps acting like I didnt communicate it to HER#ugh#ughhhhhhhhhhh#i have EIGHT closing shifts in next few weeks even tho she ASKED if i want nights or mornings and i SAID MORNINGS#im gonna fuckingggg haul myself into the sea#HATE having a job#next time im going to get a job where i dont have to talk to a single person the entire shift#my post
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