#the world 50 best restaurant

[theimportantstuffblog]

DiverXO (Dabiz Muñoz) - Madrid

Profan oder profund?

Dabiz Muñoz inszeniert sich mit blondiertem Irokesenschnitt und rausgestreckter Zunge gerne als wilder Küchenzampano, der die Welt des Fine Dining mit Punkattitüde und allerlei fordernden Ferkeleien richtig aufmischt. Dass das alles nicht nur blutleere Show ist, sondern auf einer Küche mit Substanz fusst, lässt der Umstand vermuten, dass sein Hauptrestaurant DiverXO vom Guide Michelin seit 2013 durchgehend mit drei Sternen ausgezeichnet wird. Da Madrid kulinarisch auch sonst einiges zu bieten hat, zieht es mich für ein kurzes Intermezzo in Spaniens Hauptstadt. Am ersten Abend esse ich spontan im El Club Allard, das seit kurzem von Martin Berasategui bespielt wird. Ein leider enttäuschendes Dinner. Umso mehr freue ich mich nach einem Erkundungstag durch die Strassen der bevölkerungsreichsten Stadt Spaniens auf den Besuch im einzigen Dreisterner Madrids. Es ist immer noch heiss, als ich um kurz nach acht aus dem Taxi steige. Das Gebäude, welches das DiverXO beherbergt, macht von aussen den Eindruck eines typisch grossstädtischen Bürokomplexes. Nach einem Treppenaufgang gelangt man durch eine unauffällige Drehtür in die angenehme Kühle des Restaurants und tritt auch direkt in die Fantasiewelt des Chefs ein. Fliegende Schweine, überdimensionale Ameisen, ein Kaleidoskop von Farben und Formen. Das alles und noch viel mehr soll den Ton für den heutigen Abend setzen. Dem freundlichen, auffallend gut gelaunten Personal folgend bahne ich mir den Weg durch das noch spärlich besetzte Lokal. 20.00 Uhr ist hier eine eigentlich grotesk frühe Zeit für das Abendessen. Das Restaurant wird sich im Laufe des Abends auch noch bis auf den letzten Platz füllen. Im Herzen des Restaurants zeigt sich ein ungleich schlichteres, geradezu elegantes Bild. Die makellos weiss eingedeckten, grosszügigen Tische werden von sanft durchschimmernden Gardinen sehr stilvoll in kleine Nischen getrennt. Man fühlt sich unter sich, kriegt aber doch immer wieder mit, was an den Nachbartischen gerade so passiert. Dass die Inszenierung hier eine zentrale Rolle spielt und eine offensichtliche Vorliebe zur Zirkuswelt besteht, zeigt sich neben Teilen der Einrichtung auch an der Kleidung von Restaurantleiterin Marta Campillo, deren rotes Jackett Erinnerungen an eine Wildkatzendompteurin aus früheren Tagen weckt. Vielleicht gilt es im DiverXO, die Gäste zu bändigen. Sommelier Miguel Angel Millán sieht dagegen auf den ersten Blick zahm aus. Dunkler Anzug, weisses Hemd, als er mit einer Flasche Krug Grande Cuvée 171 am Tisch erscheint und mein Glas füllt. Kaum hat er sich umgedreht, entdecke ich die Flügel, die auf der Rückseite seines Vestons aufgestickt sind. Ein bisschen anders zu sein, ein bisschen loco, ist wohl einfach Teil der DNA des Hauses. Man könnte erwarten, dass sich ein Chef wie Muñoz zu Beginn des Abends in einer Arie von Amuses suhlt. Doch das Gegenteil ist der Fall. Ohne einen ausgewiesenen Willkommenshappen geht es direkt mit dem ersten Gang los.

Krabbe mit XO Kimchi und gegrillten Mini-Erdbeeren wird mit dem Titel “invasive Spezies” annonciert. Die im Gericht verwendete Blaukrabbe wurde erstmals 2012 im Ebrodelta im spanischen Mittelmeer gesichtet, wo sie vermutlich von einem Schiff aus Amerika eingeschleppt wurde. Seither hat sie sich mangels natürlicher Fressfeinde, nur grosse Oktopusse wagen sich wohl erfolgreich in den Kampf gegen die scharfen Zangen, rasant ausgebreitet und den lokalen Fischfang nachhaltig verändert. Doch genug der Geschichtsstunde, schliesslich geht es hier um den Geschmack des Gerichts. Und der ist grossartig. Das jodig-süssliche Fleisch wird vom markant nach getrockneten Meeresfrüchten schmeckenden Kimchi zusätzlich akzentuiert. Wäre die Hongkonger Spezialität nicht in Form von Eis auf dem Teller, wäre es fast zu viel des Guten. Dem Meerwall stehen aber schliesslich auch die entfernt an Walderdbeeren erinnernden Mini-Erdbeeren aus Aranjuez gegenüber. Ihre Fruchtigkeit wirkt lindernd und abrundend. Dazu wecken die Grillnoten Assoziationen an ein Barbecue am Meer und schlagen dadurch die Brücke zurück zu den anderen Protagonisten. Initial ziemlich wild aber stimmig.

Gebratenes, warmes Sashimi von galizischen Garnelen, Honig, Kurkuma und Tamarinde spielt gekonnt mit der Assoziation von eurochinesischem Süsssauer. Allerdings auf ein völlig neues Niveau gehoben. Ultraknusprige, saftige und im Ganzen zu essende Garnelen sind süss und herzhaft, der Honig (aus Mexiko) zeigt ein völlig ungewohntes, florales und leicht scharfes Bild. Dazu die saure Frische der Schoten. Sehr clever und sehr gut.

Ein sicherlich sichtbares Stirnrunzeln entlockt mir die Ankündigung einer gefrorenen Pizza Margarita mit Ziegenkäse, süss-scharfer Tomatenconsommé und auf drei Arten gekochte Pizzakruste. Muss man 2023 wirklich noch eine Pizza dekonstruieren? Man muss nicht, aber man kann. Und wenn man Dabiz Muñoz heisst, dann kann man das ziemlich gut. Vorne in der Schale befindet sich die eisgekühlte Auflage der Margarita, die geschmacklich exzellent ist und durch die Consommé einen lebendigen Kick erhält. Das Highlight ist allerdings der unscheinbare Teig auf dem blauen Porzellankissen im Hintergrund. Ein warmes Stück Pizzakruste, das dreifach gekocht wurde: zuerst gedämpft, dann frittiert und zum Schluss noch im Holzkohleofen gebacken. Ein Aufwand, der sich lohnt. Luftig-leicht ist das, herrlich knusprig und von einer ungekannten Tiefe. Getoppt wird das Stückchen von einer perfekt dosierten Menge Shiso-Limettenpesto, das mit reichlich herber Frische den perfekten Kontrapunkt für den salzigen Teig liefert. Besser geht es nicht. Wow!

Als nächstes wird ein kleines Sandwich aus knusprigem iberischem Spanferkel mit Pecorino, Gänseeigelb und hausgemachter Sriracha serviert. Ein köstlicher Happen mit reichlich Umami und gut dosierter Schärfe. Ein wenig Säure würde der Balance zwar helfen, doch da es nur ein Bissen ist, fällt das nicht grossartig negativ ins Gewicht. Was bleibt, ist die Essenz eines Sandwichs.

Sehr aufwendig zeigt sich ein 45 Tage gereiftes Nigiri von der Forelle im Ökosystem der Pyrenäen. Dieses Ökosystem hat es in sich. Aus gewaschenem Reis wird ein gedämpfter Gnocco hergestellt, der in Nikiri (eine Sauce aus flambiertem Sake und Soja-basiertem Mirin) glasiert und mit frischem Wasabi kombiniert wird. Obenauf kommt traditioneller Sushireis. Den Reis gibt es zusätzlich einmal frittiert und einmal getrocknet als eine Art Couscous, der mit Pinienöl aromatisiert ist. Das Nigiri in der Mitte wird mit dem eigenen Fischfett überglänzt und mit einem Flusskrebs belegt. Der Bauch der Forelle rechts im Bild über einem Robata auf einem Pinienspiess gegrillt, anschliessend mit Nikiri lackiert und in Trüffelspäne getaucht. Zu guter Letzt kommt noch ein Flusskrebs zum Einsatz. Ein Stück Fleisch, ebenfalls vom Robatagrill, mit einer Flusskrebsemulsion. Unfassbar, mit welcher Fantasie Muñoz zu Werke geht, wie er und sein Team keinen Aufwand scheuen, damit dieses Hirngespinst in absoluter Perfektion auf den Tisch kommt. Absolute Weltklasse und eines der besten Gerichte, die ich jemals gegessen habe. Das zweite dicke Ausrufezeichen ist es ebenso. Und das Menü hat eben erst begonnen…

Optische Reminiszenzen an Yin und Yang wecken die Erbsen aus Zamora mit Kaviar aus dem Tandoor mit iberischem Schweinefett, Pistazien, Jalapeño und Macadamia-Kokosnuss-Meerrettich-“Ajoblanco”. Alle Komponenten im Detail herauszuschmecken, gelingt hier nicht. Der Fokus liegt auf fetter Nussigkeit, jodigen Grillaromen und knackiger Gemüsesüsse. Wie fast alle bisherigen Gerichte wird auch dieses von einer subtilen Schärfe getragen. Angesichts der vewendeten Produkte wirkt diese Kreation erstaunlich zurückgenommen, fast schon zart. Einerseits köstlich, andererseits werde ich jedoch das Gefühl nicht los, dass man hier noch mehr rausholen könnte. Es ist wohl gerade die Harmonie, die den Spannungsbogen etwas abfallen lässt. Durch ein disruptives Element oder nur eine pointierter eingesetzte Schärfe könnte aus diesem sehr guten ein grossartigter Teller werden.

Ein Produkt, dem ich sehr zugetan bin, das man jedoch in unseren Breiten nur selten serviert bekommt, spielt nun die Hauptrolle: Seegurke. Kombiniert wird die Meeresdelikatesse mit Aaljus, Manzanilla Sherry, Kabracho (roter Drachenkopf) und Bitterorangen Bouillon, Büffelbutteremulsion und kanarischer Kartoffel. Bereits beim ersten Bissen entpuppt sich diese schräg anmutende Kombo als absoluter Volltreffer. Ein dezidiert salzig-jodiges Geschmacksbild wird mit einer süffig-cremigen Komponente vermählt. Herbe und zitrisch-frische Noten lockern das Ganze auf und verleihen eine besondere Brillanz. À propos Brillanz: das unscheinbar etwas abseits drappierte Stückchen Kartoffel ist unfassbar gut und hat Referenzcharakter. Was (auch optisch) wie eine unpassende Beilage erscheint, hebt diesen Teller sehr zu meiner Überraschung noch eine Stufe höher. Zum Augenschliessen.

Der nächste Gang wird in zwei Teilen serviert. Auf dem Horn liegt ein knuspriger Ochsenschwanzraviolo, mit Koji gereifte Rinderlende, gesäuertes Miso und Pfifferlinge. Das ist nett, wenngleich auch etwas dumpf und lässt ein wenig Verve vermissen. Der zweite Teil sauer-scharfe Bouillon vom galizischen Ochsen, Pfifferlinge, schwarzer Essig und Penja Pfeffer Infusion wird nicht etwa gesondert aufgetragen, sondern befindet sich im ausgehöhlten Ochsenhorn. Ich hätte nicht erwartet, dass ein Drei-Sterne-Restaurant in Madrid Assoziationen an Pagan-Metal-Festivals mit Trinkhörnern weckt. Aber für beides gilt: rein ins Getümmel, ohne Rücksicht auf Verluste. Und dieses wahrhaftige Elixier hat es in sich: pointierte Säure, mundfüllendes Umami, knackige Schärfe, endlos erscheinende Tiefe. Es erinnert an eine in die Haute Cuisine transponierte Hot and Sour Soup aus Hong Kong. Das ist so gut, dass ich am liebsten einen Nachschlag ordern würde.

Beim Spinat von der Guetaria Küste mit Brokkoli Couscous, knusprigem Federkohl, Speckeiscrème, Mandarinenkosho, Aguachile und Rehfilet kehrt Muñoz die Vorzeichen um und degradiert das saftige Wild zum Nebendarsteller. Eigentlich schmecken die einzelnen Komponenten gut, teilweise sogar sehr gut, und sind von spürbar hoher Produktqualität. Auch in Bezug auf das Handwerk gibt es nichts zu beanstanden. Allerdings finden die Elemente nie wirklich zusammen. Somit bleibt das in Summe nicht viel mehr als die zweifellos sehr gute Qualität seiner Einzelteile.

Ein weiterer Doppeldecker wird aufgetragen. Im Bambussteamerkörbchen liegt ein “Tortiyaki” (eine Mischung aus spanischer Tortilla und japanischem Okonomiyaki) mit Hühnerei und Rindermark. Die Idee der Zusammenführung von Japan und Spanien ist an und für sich stimmig, allerdings wird die Herzhaftigkeit für meinen Geschmack etwas zu stark betont, was das Bällchen eindimensional erscheinen lässt. Nur schon die Beigabe eines frischen Krauts wie Koriander könnte ausreichen, um die Üppigkeit aufzubrechen und für Abwechslung zu sorgen. Aber das war ja noch nicht alles. Das leere Körbchen wird vom Service entfernt, um in der Schale darunter eine Galizische Gemüsebrühe von Kohl und Spinat freizugeben. Hier zeigt sich wieder die Klasse der DiverXO Küche. Eleganz gepaart mit Kraft und Substanz. Umgemein köstlich.

Das Skellet eines Entenkopfs ist kein Zufall, rückt man beim nächsten Gang doch teilweise eher ungewöhnliche Teile des Federviehs ins Scheinwerferlicht. Die gegrillte Entenleber dürfte den meisten Gästen geläufig sein. Das oben aufliegende und in Entensaft marinierte Entenhirn hingegen eher nicht. Die beiden Innereien liegen in einer Sauce aus grüner Tomate und Serrano Chili Pfeffer Gazpacho, die mit Bergamotte aromatisiert wurde. Die Leber ist ganz hervorragend, zart, rauchig und süsslich. Dazu passt die abermals exzellente Gazpacho vortrefflich. Auch das glasierte Hirn in der Mitte harmoniert geschmacklich mit dem Rest und profitiert ebenfalls von der säurebetonten und subtil scharfen Sauce. Allerdings ist die Textur nicht so ganz nach meinem Geschmack. Es lässt mich Bries denken, das nicht lange genug gegart wurde und deshalb noch etwas schleimig ist. Die ausgebackenen Zungen, treffenderweise auf dem Schnabelknochen angerichtet, bieten kurzweiligen Knusperspass, fallen ansonsten aber nicht weiter auf. Das alles ist zwar gut - die Sauce und die Leber sogar sehr gut - aber weit weniger aufregend oder gar schockierend, als man vielleicht annehmen würde.

Es ist immer wieder faszinierend, wenn sich Vorurteile, die sich durch die Optik eines Gerichtes einstellen, Sekunden später am Gaumen bewahrheiten. Galizischer Hummer aus dem Tandoor, Büffelmilchhaut, Butter Masala von Tomaten, Tomatillo Chutney und Sushi Reis wirkt auf mich wie eine Kreation, die man Ende der Nullerjahre oft vorgesetzt bekommen hat. Zu stark angedickte Saucenkleckse. Stäubchen und Pülverchen. Forcierte Aromenkombinationen. Serviert auf flachen Platten. Und genau so schmeckt es auch. Es will scheinbar gar nichts zusammenpassen. Der Hummer wirkt verloren in der plakativen Würzmischung und hat eine unangenehme Textur. Der Sushireis schmeckt durch die indischen Einflüsse schal und pappig. Die Tomaten sind kaum wahrnehmbar. Von der verlorenen Himbeere, die keinen offensichtlichen Zweck erfüllt, ganz zu schweigen. Zu allem Übel zerfällt am Gaumen alles zu einem unangenehm griseligen Brei.

Und als ob das nicht bereits genug des Guten wäre, wird ein tischhoher Elefant neben meinem Stuhl platziert. Teil zwei des Abstechers nach Indien, wie der gut gelaunte Service erläutert. Auf dem Elefanten liegt ein Indisches Salmorejo Pani-Puri samt Hummerschere, Hummerkopf Vindaloo mit Huacatay (peruanische schwarze Minze). Dieser Happen funktioniert ungleich besser. Das luftig-knusprige Pani-Puri zeigt einmal mehr die technische Klasse der Küchenmannschaft, die Auflage ist diskret, so dass der Hummer auch tatsächlich schmeckbar ist. Immerhin ein versöhnlicher zweiter Teil dieses Gangs.

Dem Chef sind die 16 offiziellen Gänge nicht genug, weshalb er vor dem Hauptgang noch ein Experiment einschiebt, an dem gerade getüftelt wird: Kabeljau auf Sake-Hefe gereift, Jus aus den Karkassen, glasiert mit Rotwein, “Shirako" (auch bekannt als Fischmilch des Kabeljaus). Letztere ist vor allem in Fernost eine begehrte Delikatesse, der man in Europa aber eher selten begegnet. Doch wie schmeckt dieses Experiment denn? Durch die intensive Jus, die Rotweinglasur und die umamireiche Sake-Hefe erhält der Fisch einen fleischigen Anstrich, der den eher zarten Eigengeschmack zumindest ein klein wenig hervorhebt. Der Fischsack betont zusätzlich die maritime Herkunft, ist dabei aber keineswegs aufdringlich, sondern geschmacklich als auch texturell zart. Wie viele begehrte Delikatessen aus Fernost halt so sind. Diesen Teller als Experiment zu annoncieren, zeugt von falscher Demut. Denn das ist ein in sich geschlossenes, eigenständiges und vor allen Dingen bereits ausgewogen-leckeres Stückchen der Zukunft des DiverXO.

Deftig und im besten Sinne rustikal ist der Hauptgang: Mos Hahn Eintopf, Colunga Bohnen, Epazote (Mexikanischer Drüsengänsefuss) und Sudachi, Hahn Chicharron, Keule, Schenkel und Kamm in gelber Mole. Im Kupfertopf befindet sich die beste Version eines klassischen Hausfraueneintopfs. Enorm reichhaltig und vielschichtig, gleichzeitig feinsinnig und flamboyant. Die erneut umwerfend gute Sauce klebt an den Lippen und bringt pure Wonne. Es geht allerdings noch besser. Der Taco kann nämlich eigentlich nur von einem anderen Stern sein. Angefangen beim Teigling selbst, dessen Nixtamal bereits eine enorme Vielschichtigkeit zeigt. Dazu ist er elastisch und saftig und fluffig und herrlich. Darauf die saftigen Hühnerstücke, die absolut umwerfende, tiefgründige Mole, aufgemotzt mit einigen Tropfen der gegrillten Zitrusfrucht. Diese zwei Bissen entbehren eigentlich jeglicher Beschreibung. Allein dieser unscheinbare Taco ist so unfassbar gut und erfüllt mich mit einer solch unbändigen Freude, dass sich die Reise nach Madrid nur schon hierfür gelohnt hat.

Das erste Dessert könnte ebenso gut als eine herzhafte Vorspeise durchgehen. Der Chef umschifft jedoch jegliche Eisberge, so dass Vanille, Blumenkohl, griechischer Joghurt, gebeiztes Eigelb und Chuncho Schokolade ganz klar in der süssen Welt des DiverXO verortbar ist. Zwar erscheint die dumpfe Cremigkeit des Kohls erstmal übermächtig, jedoch schälen sich nach und nach seine Mitstreiter aus dem kompakten Dickicht hervor. Schlussendlich findet sich alles in einem üppigen, molligen, einladenden, fast schon klassisch anmutenden Ganzenb zusammen, das vor allem eines ist: saulecker.

Noch eine gute Spur wilder hört sich getoastetes Butterrisotto, schwarzer Trüffel, Modena-Rhabarber Vinaigrette, Cookies von schwarzen Oliven und Madeira Spaghetti an. Erneutes Stirnrunzeln meinerseits inklusive. Doch wenn es heute Abend eine Kreation gibt, die Genie und Wahnsinn kongenial vereint, und die Frage nach “profan oder profund" am eindeutigsten beantwortet, dann ist es dieser letzte Gang. Dass diese Aromen zusammenpassen, daran besteht kein Zweifel. Wie zum Teufel soll das aber in einem Dessertkontext funktionieren und schmecken? Nun, die Antwort auf diese Frage gestaltet sich nicht ganz einfach. Durch die Butter und die Aromen der Maillardreaktion erinnert der Reis an einen etwas zu stark eingekochten Milchreis, bei dem unten in der Pfanne etwas angekokelt ist. Die Spaghetti (wann hat man dieses Überbleibsel der Molekularküche das letzte Mal irgendwo gesehen?) weisen eine inhärente Süsse auf, die aber nicht lieblich, sondern eher herzhaft ist. Dasselbe gilt für die Trüffel, die in diesem Konglomerat eher als nussige Strukturgeber fungieren und nicht zu sehr in den Vordergrund gerückt werden. Ohne jedoch überflüssiges Beiwerk zu sein, mit dem man den Gast (über-)fordern will. Den wichtigsten Akkord aber spielt der Rhabarber, der diesem ausserordentlichen Konglomerat Frische verleiht, eine auflockernde Fruchtigkeit beisteuert und alles verbindet. Ganz, ganz grosses Kino.

Keine Zaubershow ohne Zylinder. Oder in diesem Fall vier. Darauf befinden sich die Friandises, Japanische Bonbons genannt. Es handelt sich um eine Art Mochi Eis in vier unterschiedlichen Darbietungen: in Milch getunkte Cookies mit Croissant und Espresso - “La Pedroche” Cheesecake mit 36 Monate gereiftem Parmesan, einem Hauch von Stilton und reduziertem Cabernet Sauvignon Essig - “Madriz” mit Veilchen, Brombeere, marokkanischer Zitrone, Mangostan und getoastetem Sesam - Kalamansi Quark, Eigelb, Limette, Vanille, Kalamansi Gelée, konfierter Ingwer und Kalamansi Marshmallow. Ich probiere alles durch, bin jedoch um kurz nach 1 Uhr nachts, nach über fünf Stunden am Tisch, knapp 20 Gängen und ebenso vielen Weinen und sowie einer Kunstpause nach dem letzten Dessert mittlerweile nur noch bedingt aufnahmefähig. Jedenfalls erscheinen mit die gar nicht mal so kleinen Kleinigkeiten zu diesem Zeitpunkt zum ersten Mal an diesem Abend überrissen. Ob es an mir liegt oder tatsächlich an den ausladenden Aromen und der vermeintlichen Schwere der Bonbons, kann ich nicht mehr abschliessend sagen. Mein Esspartner jedenfalls beisst nur in eines der kleinen Teile hinein und findet es komplett übertrieben.

Dabiz Muñoz ist ein exzellenter Koch, der ohne Scheuklappen und Grenzen kocht und seine Gäste gerne fordert. Zumindest ein bisschen. Klar, Entenhirn, Shirako und Seegurke sind keine mitteleuropäischen Alltagsprodukte. Jedoch bezweifle ich, dass Heerscharen von Gästen durch den Genuss dieser Delikatessen allzu stark herausgefordert oder gar schockiert werden dürften. Dass bei umfangreichen Menüs von fast 20 Gängen nicht jedes Gericht auf der allerhöchsten Stufe spielt, ist keine Überraschung. Auch nicht in einem Drei-Sterne-Restaurant. Doch neben dem Hummer - der forciert anachronistisch wirkte und vor allen Dingen weder gut schmeckte noch angenehm zu essen war - lieferte das DiverXO fast durchgehend auf sehr hohem Niveau. Sogar einige veritable Höhepunkte hielt das heutige Menü bereit, sowohl bei den Kreationen (Forelle, Pizzakruste, Taco) als auch bei den Produkten (Kartoffelstückchen, mexikanischer Honig, Seegurke). Besonders gefallen hat mir auch die belebende, aber wohldosierte Schärfe, die viele Gerichte getragen hat. Immer noch durchaus ungewöhnlich in der Haute Cuisine. Trotz fliegender Schweine, verkappter Gästedompteure und Sommeliers mit Flügeln ist das Storytelling keine übertriebene Zirkusnummer, sondern ein vollkommen erträgliches Mittel zum Zweck. Im Gesamtkunstwerk DiverXO steht schlussendlich das Essen und der Wein im Mittelpunkt. Bei aller Freigeistigkeit und vermeintlichen Wildheit hat das, was auf dem Teller landet, nämlich schlicht keine Effekthascherei und Theatralik nötig. Es ist ganz einfach Dabiz Muñoz Welt, die man mal selbst erlebt haben sollte. Für mich ist das Restauran auch eher Jazz als Punk. Ungewöhnliche Töne, die man nicht alle Tage hört. Manchmal ein wenig dissonant, aber selten profanes Gedudel, dafür umso öfter volles, profundes Vergnügen.

Die Weinbegleitung von Miguel Ángel Millán: Krug Grande Cuvée 171 Trimbach Clos Saint Hune 2012 "Magnum" Domaine Huet Le Haut-Lieu Moelleaux Premier Trie 1990 Sake Brewery Saura Urakasumi (Diverxo) Junmai Daiginjo 'M' Château Cos D'estournel Grand Cru Classé 2000 "Magnum" Gaja Sperss 2013 Georges Laval Les Chênes Premier Cru Brut Nature 2018 Rafael Palacios Sorte Antiga 2020 Fleury Pére & Fils Symphonie D'europe Extra Brut 1992 Tradición Palo Cortado 1975 "Magnum" Álvaro Palacios Quinón De Valmira 2016 Luis Perez La Barajuela Raya 2016 (Saca Especial Diverxo) "Magnum" Domaine Des Perdrix Echezeaux Grand Cru 2007 Perez Barquero Solera De Amontillado 1955 M.Chapoutier Le Méal 2011 Bodegas Cvne Vina Real Gran Reserva 1975 Brannland Iscider Fatlagrad Barrique 2018 Château Climens Premier Grand Cru Classé 1975 Reichsgraf Von Kesslstatt Kaseler Nies'chen Eiswein 2002 Toro De Albalá Don Px Convento Selección 1946

DiverXO NH Eurobuilding C. del Padre Damián, 23 Chamartín 28036 Madrid Spanien +34 91 570 07 66 Website

Unser Besuch wurde vom Restaurant unterstützt. Informationen zu unserem Umgang mit Pressekonditionen findest du in den FAQ.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Red Lobster was killed by private equity, not Endless Shrimp

For the rest of May, my bestselling solarpunk utopian novel THE LOST CAUSE (2023) is available as a $2.99, DRM-free ebook!

A decade ago, a hedge fund had an improbable viral comedy hit: a 294-page slide deck explaining why Olive Garden was going out of business, blaming the failure on too many breadsticks and insufficiently salted pasta-water:

https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgar/data/940944/000092189514002031/ex991dfan14a06297125_091114.pdf

Everyone loved this story. As David Dayen wrote for Salon, it let readers "mock that silly chain restaurant they remember from their childhoods in the suburbs" and laugh at "the silly hedge fund that took the time to write the world’s worst review":

https://www.salon.com/2014/09/17/the_real_olive_garden_scandal_why_greedy_hedge_funders_suddenly_care_so_much_about_breadsticks/

But – as Dayen wrote at the time, the hedge fund that produced that slide deck, Starboard Value, was not motivated by dissatisfaction with bread-sticks. They were "activist investors" (finspeak for "rapacious assholes") with a giant stake in Darden Restaurants, Olive Garden's parent company. They wanted Darden to liquidate all of Olive Garden's real-estate holdings and declare a one-off dividend that would net investors a billion dollars, while literally yanking the floor out from beneath Olive Garden, converting it from owner to tenant, subject to rent-shocks and other nasty surprises.

They wanted to asset-strip the company, in other words ("asset strip" is what they call it in hedge-fund land; the mafia calls it a "bust-out," famous to anyone who watched the twenty-third episode of The Sopranos):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bust_Out

Starboard didn't have enough money to force the sale, but they had recently engineered the CEO's ouster. The giant slide-deck making fun of Olive Garden's food was just a PR campaign to help it sell the bust-out by creating a narrative that they were being activists* to save this badly managed disaster of a restaurant chain.

*assholes

Starboard was bent on eviscerating Darden like a couple of entrail-maddened dogs in an elk carcass:

https://web.archive.org/web/20051220005944/http://alumni.media.mit.edu/~solan/dogsinelk/

They had forced Darden to sell off another of its holdings, Red Lobster, to a hedge-fund called Golden Gate Capital. Golden Gate flogged all of Red Lobster's real estate holdings for $2.1 billion the same day, then pissed it all away on dividends to its shareholders, including Starboard. The new landlords, a Real Estate Investment Trust, proceeded to charge so much for rent on those buildings Red Lobster just flogged that the company's net earnings immediately dropped by half.

Dayen ends his piece with these prophetic words:

Olive Garden and Red Lobster may not be destinations for hipster Internet journalists, and they have seen revenue declines amid stagnant middle-class wages and increased competition. But they are still profitable businesses. Thousands of Americans work there. Why should they be bled dry by predatory investors in the name of “shareholder value”? What of the value of worker productivity instead of the financial engineers?

Flash forward a decade. Today, Dayen is editor-in-chief of The American Prospect, one of the best sources of news about private equity looting in the world. Writing for the Prospect, Luke Goldstein picks up Dayen's story, ten years on:

https://prospect.org/economy/2024-05-22-raiding-red-lobster/

It's not pretty. Ten years of being bled out on rents and flipped from one hedge fund to another has killed Red Lobster. It just shuttered 50 restaurants and declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Ten years hasn't changed much; the same kind of snark that was deployed at the news of Olive Garden's imminent demise is now being hurled at Red Lobster.

Instead of dunking on free bread-sticks, Red Lobster's grave-dancers are jeering at "Endless Shrimp," a promotional deal that works exactly how it sounds like it would work. Endless Shrimp cost the chain $11m.

Which raises a question: why did Red Lobster make this money-losing offer? Are they just good-hearted slobs? Can't they do math?

Or, you know, was it another hedge-fund, bust-out scam?

Here's a hint. The supplier who provided Red Lobster with all that shrimp is Thai Union. Thai Union also owns Red Lobster. They bought the chain from Golden Gate Capital, last seen in 2014, holding a flash-sale on all of Red Lobster's buildings, pocketing billions, and cutting Red Lobster's earnings in half.

Red Lobster rose to success – 700 restaurants nationwide at its peak – by combining no-frills dining with powerful buying power, which it used to force discounts from seafood suppliers. In response, the seafood industry consolidated through a wave of mergers, turning into a cozy cartel that could resist the buyer power of Red Lobster and other major customers.

This was facilitated by conservation efforts that limited the total volume of biomass that fishers were allowed to extract, and allocated quotas to existing companies and individual fishermen. The costs of complying with this "catch management" system were high, punishingly so for small independents, bearably so for large conglomerates.

Competition from overseas fisheries drove consolidation further, as countries in the global south were blocked from implementing their own conservation efforts. US fisheries merged further, seeking economies of scale that would let them compete, largely by shafting fishermen and other suppliers. Today's Alaskan crab fishery is dominated by a four-company cartel; in the Pacific Northwest, most fish goes through a single intermediary, Pacific Seafood.

These dominant actors entered into illegal collusive arrangements with one another to rig their markets and further immiserate their suppliers, who filed antitrust suits accusing the companies of operating a monopsony (a market with a powerful buyer, akin to a monopoly, which is a market with a powerful seller):

https://www.classaction.org/news/pacific-seafood-under-fire-for-allegedly-fixing-prices-paid-to-dungeness-crabbers-in-pacific-northwest

Golden Gate bought Red Lobster in the midst of these fish wars, promising to right its ship. As Goldstein points out, that's the same promise they made when they bought Payless shoes, just before they destroyed the company and flogged it off to Alden Capital, the hedge fund that bought and destroyed dozens of America's most beloved newspapers:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/16/sociopathic-monsters/#all-the-news-thats-fit-to-print

Under Golden Gate's management, Red Lobster saw its staffing levels slashed, so diners endured longer wait times to be seated and served. Then, in 2020, they sold the company to Thai Union, the company's largest supplier (a transaction Goldstein likens to a Walmart buyout of Procter and Gamble).

Thai Union continued to bleed Red Lobster, imposing more cuts and loading it up with more debts financed by yet another private equity giant, Fortress Investment Group. That brings us to today, with Thai Union having moved a gigantic amount of its own product through a failing, debt-loaded subsidiary, even as it lobbies for deregulation of American fisheries, which would let it and its lobbying partners drain American waters of the last of its depleted fish stocks.

Dayen's 2020 must-read book Monopolized describes the way that monopolies proliferate, using the US health care industry as a case-study:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/29/fractal-bullshit/#dayenu

After deregulation allowed the pharma sector to consolidate, it acquired pricing power of hospitals, who found themselves gouged to the edge of bankruptcy on drug prices. Hospitals then merged into regional monopolies, which allowed them to resist pharma pricing power – and gouge health insurance companies, who saw the price of routine care explode. So the insurance companies gobbled each other up, too, leaving most of us with two or fewer choices for health insurance – even as insurance prices skyrocketed, and our benefits shrank.

Today, Americans pay more for worse healthcare, which is delivered by health workers who get paid less and work under worse conditions. That's because, lacking a regulator to consolidate patients' interests, and strong unions to consolidate workers' interests, patients and workers are easy pickings for those consolidated links in the health supply-chain.

That's a pretty good model for understanding what's happened to Red Lobster: monopoly power and monopsony power begat more monopolies and monoposonies in the supply chain. Everything that hasn't consolidated is defenseless: diners, restaurant workers, fishermen, and the environment. We're all fucked.

Decent, no-frills family restaurant are good. Great, even. I'm not the world's greatest fan of chain restaurants, but I'm also comfortably middle-class and not struggling to afford to give my family a nice night out at a place with good food, friendly staff and reasonable prices. These places are easy pickings for looters because the people who patronize them have little power in our society – and because those of us with more power are easily tricked into sneering at these places' failures as a kind of comeuppance that's all that's due to tacky joints that serve the working class.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/23/spineless/#invertebrates

[lepetitlugourmand]

ONICE - Virtuose duo d'une créative cuisine de produit

Voilà une table qui bouleverse la scène gastronomique niçoise. Située dans le très gourmet et étoilé quartier du port, plus précisément celui des antiquaires, ONICE est la nouvelle adresse sur laquelle il faut compter pour un dîner créatif et vibrant. Florencia Montes et Lorenzo Ragni proposent, en duo, une cuisine délicate, vive, ciselée et velourée en parfait accord au terroir local et aux…

[madscientist008]

Central in Peru crowned as the World’s Best Restaurant 2023: Here’s the full list and some travel tips

Are you a foodie who loves to explore the best culinary experiences around the world? If so, you might be interested in the latest ranking of the World’s 50 best restaurants for 2023, sponsored by S.Pellegrino and Acqua Panna. The list was announced on June 20, 2023, at an awards ceremony in Valencia, Spain, and it features some of the most innovative and creative restaurants from different continents and cuisines.

The top spot went to Central, a restaurant in Lima, Peru, run by married chefs Virgilio Martínez and Pia León. Central’s tasting menu takes diners through the Peruvian ecosystem and its produce by focusing each course on specific altitudes. León’s restaurant Kjolle debuted on the list this year at No. 28. This also marks the first time a restaurant with a female chef has earned the top spot, and the first time a restaurant outside of Europe or the United States has won.

The second place was taken by Disfrutar, a restaurant in Barcelona, Spain, that offers a playful and avant-garde cuisine inspired by molecular gastronomy. The third place went to Diverxo, a restaurant in Madrid, Spain, that blends Spanish, Chinese, and Japanese flavors and techniques in an immersive and theatrical setting.

Other notable restaurants on the list include Alchemist in Copenhagen, Denmark, at No. 5, which serves a 50-course menu of experimental dishes in a futuristic dome; Maido in Lima, Peru, at No. 6, which specializes in Nikkei cuisine, a fusion of Japanese and Peruvian flavors; Lido 84 in Gardone Riviera, Italy, at No. 7, which showcases the regional ingredients and traditions of Lake Garda; and Atomix in New York City, USA, at No. 8, which offers a modern Korean tasting menu with artistic presentations.

The list also features some new entries and re-entries from different regions and cultures. For example, Trèsind Studio in Dubai, UAE, ranked at No. 11 as the highest entry for restaurants in the Middle East and Africa. Trèsind Studio serves an intimate and interactive Indian cuisine with a contemporary twist. Odette in Singapore ranked at No. 14 as the highest entry for restaurants in Asia. Odette is a French leaning tasting menu spot that uses Asian ingredients and influences.

Unfortunately, no Indian restaurant made it to the list this year. However, Indian cuisine did receive some recognition from other awards. Chef Garima Arora from Gaa in Bangkok, Thailand (No. 15 on Asia’s 50 Best Restaurants list) won the elit Vodka Asia’s Best Female Chef Award 2023. Chef Manish Mehrotra from Indian Accent in New Delhi (No. 18 on Asia’s 50 Best Restaurants list) won the American Express Icon Award 2023.

If you are curious about the full list of the World’s 50 best restaurants for 2023, you can check it out here. You can also watch the awards ceremony online here. And if you are feeling adventurous and want to visit some of these amazing restaurants yourself, you might want to check out some of these travel deals to the best restaurants.

I hope this draft helps you with your blog post. If you need any further assistance or feedback, please let me know. 😊

[wineup-es]

BODEGAS BERONIA TIENE PROTAGONISMO EN “THE WORLD’S 50 BEST RESTAURANTS”

Los vinos de Beronia (D.O.Ca. Rioja y D.O. Rueda) acompañarán, un año más, a los mejores chefs del mundo en la gala “The World’s 50 Best Restaurants”, que tendrá lugar en Valencia el 20 de junio. Ollauri, junio de 2023.- La pasión común de un grupo de amigos por el vino y la gastronomía los llevó, en 1973, a fundar Beronia. 50 años después, esta bodega conserva ese entusiasmo, reflejándolo en los…

[150en-main]

Mom Etho and Dad Tango bickering in the restaurant.

From Scar's 12.13.24 stream Hermitcraft! Capturing Mobs and Hungry Hermits! [3:13:17~]

Long transcript under cut ↓

Clip 1:

Scar: I never know if Tango is helping or- or hindering. Like he's so hard to read. Etho: He's trolling with this 50% -- Tango: I just like to troll Etho. Etho: -- he knows it needs to be 66, but he won't change it. Tango: Oh now we're going to bicker over 16%? Okay~ Etho: Yeah, we sure are! Scar: [To] be a fly on the wall in these nerd conversations at night, when you guys are like nitpicking these uh, game features. Tango: Etho- Etho just threw away your hard-earned upgrade there.

Clip 2:

Scar: I never know what's going on, you two are like a married couple arguing about these- these upgrades. It's... I never know what's going on between you and Tango. Etho: I'm not arguing anymore! You know, Tango can do what he want with his game. I just have recommendations and he... Tango: Etho's just like, "He can choose to be wrong. It's okay, it's up to him!" Etho: That's right. That's right. Tango: Yeah yeah. Etho: I'm right in this marriage! Tango: Yeah. Etho: I mean...

Clip 3:

Etho: Oh you clear the day at the end? Tango: Yeah. Cuz you're not on a day, cuz you lost. But you're right, it would be nice I suppose. Etho: Alright. I thought you would hook it up with the restart button. Tango: Is there anything else you would like to tell me to correct, Etho!? Scar: You married couple! Tango: I know! He just comes in here and he's like "Ah I thought you were good at redstone! --" Etho: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Tango: "-- Ah that's cool! It's alright if you wanna suck on everything!" ...This guy. Scar: Oh my god these two are delightful. [Tango smacks Etho] Etho: You know I'm right though, that's the thing, right? Tango: I know you're right! I make mistakes, alright!? Etho: Okay, I'm not- I'm not griping on your mistakes or anything, I'm just like, saying like ideally in a perfect world. Tango: You are absolutely correct, it should still display it until the next time. You're right. Scar: Oh god... Etho: I'm not trying to tear you down or anything, it's just like, I- I say these things sometimes... Tango: Say them out of love, I know. Etho: Mhmm.

Clip 4:

Tango: Alright I'm gonna play, who wants to play? Scar: I wanna see mom and dad play. Tango: Wanna see mom and dad play? Okay. Etho: Who- who's mom? Tango: [Laughing] Who's mom? [Etho laughing] Tango: Does that- does the answer to that dictate whether you're playing or not? Etho: I'll be mom. Tango: 'Kay. Uhh... Etho: That means you have to be nicer to me. Tango: I will be super nice to you. No, you're gonna carry cuz you're like fifty times the player as I am at this game.

Clip 5:

Etho: So much trash in this restaurant! Scar: Gotta get a broom over here. Scar: I love this is just a mom and pop shop. Just a couple of mom and pops just keeping the neighborhood fed, doing their best, got the foot of the big-box stores on their neck. [Tango giggles]

[allpiesforourown]

Roommate Binghe would absolutely make the most insanely hilarious Reddit thread that’s so out of touch with reality. I can just hear the comments begging him to give the woman he dates a break and just bend over and fuck his roommate already

That thought is literally what inspired this au for me in my head I had this idea of binghe saying "am I the asshole for not picking my BEST FRIEND OF TEN YEARS over a woman I've been dating for two weeks?" And it's one of those aita posts that have a deceptive title because everyone reads that and goes of course not! Then the actual post is this:

"I (21M) met my best friend (22M) when I was 11 and he was 12. I used to be really weak and scrawny back then, and he saw me getting bullied at the playground and became the first person who ever stood up for me. After that he asked his parents to hire my mom and we could finally move out of poverty. She was really sick at the time and getting a better paying job really helped her get better. I'm saying all this to show how important he is to me and why anyone should understand that he'll always be the most important person in the world to me.

He's also a bit sickly. Nothing severe but he has asthma and picks up illnesses way easier than most people, so I often take care of him.

Recently he said he wanted to meet my girlfriend, so I agreed the three of us should have dinner together at a nice restaurant. She was weirdly quiet the whole time, staring at the two of us talk. When we left it was late, and the night air was making him shiver, so I gave gege my jacket. I thought we'd all head our separate ways from there but my girlfriend got super moody and said it was my job to drive her back too?? I said "I'm not making gege walk back because you want me to drive you home" and she was about to yell at me when gege stepped between us and said I can drop her off and then take us home. It was annoying because she lives in the opposite direction but I agreed.

When we got to her apartment, instead of saying thanks and leaving, she said she wants to talk to me. Obviously I didn't want to leave my friend alone in the car, but he just smiled and said I should say goodnight to my girlfriend. He's always very sweet and indulgent to the people I date, to the point it's a little frustrating.

Once we were alone, she blew up at me, claiming I ignored her all evening. She got mad at me, saying that gege was wearing jeans and a full sleeve shirt while she was wearing a short dress and I gave my jacket to him instead. I explained to her that his immune system is weak so if he caught a chill he'd be sick way longer than if she got a cold.

That was our first argument. She got over it in a few days. but I didn't want her around gege anymore lest she said something about me "picking him over her" and made him feel guilty for no reason.

Afterwards she invited me to be her plus one at her cousin's wedding. I said I'd go but just two days before gege got really sick. I said I'd stay with him, but he insisted I go to the wedding and he'd get someone else to look after him. He mentioned this guy who I absolutely hate and that's when I knew I couldn't leave him in anyone else's care.

Gege's friend is a terrible influence on him. He's an idiot with no brain and a creep who clearly wants to take advantage of him. I absolutely could not leave the two of them alone when he was so vulnerable so I refused to leave him alone even for a few hours. Gege was too feverish to remember the wedding after the first day so he didn't say anything about it.

I was so busy taking care of him, I forgot to tell her I wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. I didn't bother picking up my phone until gege was back on his feet and saw about 50 missed calls all from her. When I called her back she was screaming so loud, gege could hear her even though she wasn't on speaker. After I hung up on her, he looked so sad and said he was sorry for being the reason I couldn't go. I told him I didn't even want to go and it was just her cousin, but for the last week he's had a perpetual frown on his usually smiling face. I feel so terrible. I want to tell him it's not his fault, of course I'd choose his HEALTH over a date, but he's really beating himself up about it... I hate that I made him feel that way.

Top comment: THAT'S THE PART YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR???? THAT YOUR GEGE FEELS BAD????????? NOT HOW YOU MISTREATED YOUR POOR GIRLFRIEND?????

Second comment: just fuck your best friend instead of making her suffer bro 😭😭

[razorblogz]

Celebrated Parsi Chef Anahita N Dhondy: From Mumbai to the World’s 50 Best Restaurants

Anahita N Dhondy is a celebrated Parsi chef who has gained recognition and popularity in the food industry both in India and abroad. She was born and raised in Mumbai. Dhondy developed a passion for cooking at a young age and got insights into traditional Parsi recipes from her mother and grandmother.

Dhondy pursued her culinary interests by attending culinary school and gaining practical experience in some of the top restaurants in India. She eventually became the executive chef at the famed SodaBottleOpenerWala restaurant in Mumbai, where she introduced new, innovative dishes while still staying true to her roots and incorporating traditional Parsi flavors into her creations.

In recent years, Chef Anahita N Dhondy has gained widespread recognition for her culinary skills, with her restaurant being named one of Asia’s 50 Best Restaurants and her being named one of the top 50 chefs in India by the World’s 50 Best Restaurants Academy. She has also made appearances on various cooking shows and has been featured in numerous food and lifestyle publications.

Chef Anahita N Dhondy Story

In addition to her successful career as a chef, Dhondy is also known for her philanthropic efforts, including working with organizations that provide meals to underprivileged children and partnering with charities to raise funds for various charitable causes.

Dhondy’s passion for cooking and dedication to using her talents to give back to society has made her a respected and beloved figure in the food industry. With her unique blend of traditional and modern culinary techniques, she continues to impress and inspire food lovers around the world.

Aside from her work in the culinary world, Anahita N Dhondy is an avid reader and a literature enthusiast. She often incorporates elements of literature into her cooking, using quotes and themes from her favorite books as inspiration for her dishes.

Overall, Anahita N Dhondy is a talented and multifaceted individual who has made a mark in the food industry and beyond. With her love of cooking, literature, and philanthropy, she is truly a force to be reckoned with and an inspiration to aspiring chefs and foodies everywhere.

In addition to her successful career as a chef, Dhondy is also a speaker and mentor, sharing her knowledge and experience with others in the industry. She has been a guest speaker at various culinary conferences and events, offering her valuable insights and advice to aspiring chefs and food professionals.

Dhondy’s dedication to her craft and desire to inspire others has earned her numerous accolades, including being named one of the top 100 women in the food industry by The World’s 50 Best Restaurants Academy. She is also the recipient of the Food and Hospitality World Young Chef Award and the India Today Foodie Award for Best Chef.

In the future, Dhondy hopes to expand her restaurant brand and continue to share her love of cooking and literature with the world. She is an innovative and dedicated chef who is sure to continue making waves in the culinary industry for years to come.

As a respected and successful chef, Anahita N Dhondy has also been invited to participate in various culinary events and festivals around the world. She has displayed her culinary talent at prestigious events such as the World Gourmet Festival in Thailand and the Gastro Summit in Barcelona.

Chef Anahita N Dhondy is also a member of the prestigious World’s 50 Best Restaurants Academy, where she has the opportunity to share her knowledge and insights with other top chefs and food industry professionals. With her passion and dedication to her craft, Dhondy is sure to continue making an impact in the culinary world for years to come.

[hunterrrs]

another sidnate love fest on SC ("he could be 50 and i'd still slide over" - said by man who fucked that old man) (plus he loves mitchy SO MUCH and wants to do a timmies commercial with him, sid and marchy causing Trouble)

Q: I was actually gonna ask you, now that you’re the reigning MVP, you used to have to go over to Sid’s gym all summer long. It was the older one, you spent all this money for the new upgraded one. Now that you’re the MVP does he have to come train with you? How does that work?

A: No, no, it doesn’t work like that *laughs* (You’re still getting bullied?) Oh yeah. Still going to his gym. All good. He’s 20 years in the league, so… Yeah. I train with Batheson so I make him come to my gym. He makes me feel better about myself, so… that’s what I do.

Q: What did you say to Sid when he took 8.7, did you know that was coming?

A: Yeah, I mean *laughs* I remember, like, in July I was like, man, you’re not gonna sing for 8.7. Like c’mon. He’s like, ah, I don’t know, we’ll see. It’s so cool though, the legacy he’s leaving. How much money is left on the table and his desire to still win. He’s still taking less to try and get somebody else this year and next year.

Q: As somebody who’s always looked up to him, he’s 37 now, he’s still doing it. That’s gotta not only amaze you but also kinda inspire you a little bit. Does that surprise you that he’s still doing it or not at all, knowing him?

A: Man, you should see this guy in the summer. My workouts are like a joke. The recovery summers I do, and he is just grinding. He just grinds. He loves it, I think. I think it’s also awesome, not that he wouldn’t be motivated having this Four Nations thing, and then the Olympics. So no matter what happens, he’s got two things to look forward to and be dialled in for and I think being the captain of Canada, I can’t imagine the pressure to be at your best. He’s ready. He looks amazing, All the guys on the ice, it’s amazing he’s 37. He doesn’t look 37.  (Because he doesn’t have kids!) *laughs* Must be the key.

Q: Did you actually have a cereal released in 2021 called MacKinnon Crunch?

A: I did. Frosted flakes. I picked the flavour though, I liked that. (Was that right before you got your deal with Tim Hortons, became a server at their restaurant?) That was 2015. (Do they have you do that same thing every summer?) We haven’t done that since then. We’ve always wanted to do one where we get Marchy in there just because we’re Nova Scotians, and he’s being a rat and messing up people’s orders, and we gotta like sit him down and tell him what to do. They haven’t done that yet. Marchy needs to be nicer on the ice to be more marketable.

Q: Would that be your dream line for the Four Nations? Yourself, Sid and Marchand?

A: That would be cool. (You’d play the wing?) Oh yeah. Yeah, I’m ready for the wing. Definitely. McDavid, Sid, one-two punch. And then everyone kinda figures it out. (In a room like that you’d essentially delegate to McDavid?) You’re not putting McDavid on the wing, that’s crazy! I don’t mind right wing, I’ve played wing, I’m comfortable there and I don’t know if those two have ever played wing. I’m sure they could easily figure it out. They’re two of the smartest players ever. But I think to have those two guys a one-two punch and then if I’m third line centre that’s cool, if I’m playing on McDavid’s right.

Should I tell Sid to go to the wing, do you think? (“I’ve been working at your gym all these years. I’m the Ted Lindsay winner and the MVP. I gotta get something out of this relationship.”) Yeah, I think he could be 50 and I’d still slide over. No problem. Being on a Nova Scotia line it would be really cool. I think we’d work well together too. The way Marchy plays he’s just gonna muck, forecheck, and then Sid’s Sid, and I can try to push the pace.

Q: You said you went to Europe this summer…

A: It’s just relaxing. Just get off the grid. I was definitely tempted to go to Worlds last year. Sid was bugging me and Schenner bout it. (Saying what, if you go, I’ll go?) Yeah. So we were all gonna go, but then I was just like man, I just played 105 games, just lost to Dallas. At this point I feel like I’m all in or it’s hard to go over there and like (Skate around and giggle.) It’s just tough.

Q: You skated in the summer with Marner, how’s he looking?

A: He looks awesome. You hear stuff that’s always negative, a lot of the time it’s negative and then you get on the ice with him and you’re like, how can anyone ever be negative about this? That’s why I think for me, I just admire how good he is because people chirp him a lot. Up in Vail he was sick. Him and McDavid were flying around together. It was so fun to watch.

Also, beloved health freak <3

I used to like going to Popeye’s Supplements as a kid with my dad and looking at protein powder and stuff. I don’t know. I’m just into it.

Q: We heard so much about you policing the food in the locker room. Are you still doing that? Are you still going on there, like no sugars, no sweets. Whit said you strangled Lehkonen because he ate a Snickers bar or something. Is that true?

A: Nawww, stop it. That’s not true *laughs* I’m trying to mellow a little bit for sure. I definitely see some shit and I get mad but I try to keep it to myself. I don’t know, you eat what you want but I just think when you’re at the rink, we’re the NHL, you’re a pro athlete, I think it should be healthy and good food. I just think the least you can do as a pro athlete is be in good shape.

[readychilledwine]

Hi I hope you’re doing well! Can I request an azriel x feysands daughter reader fic where azriel leaves velaris and the inner circle temporarily after elain chooses lucien over him. He comes back like 50 years later and at that point rhys and feyre have two kids, nyx and reader. Azriel meets reader at a bar and the bond snaps, azriel is so shocked by the bond snapping that he doesn’t notice that she looks just like rhys and feyre. After going on dates and stuff, reader introduces azriel to her parents and everyone is hella confused.

Small World

Warnings - best friends daughter, implied smut, angry rhys

A/N - Azriel can't catch a break. Poor guy. Also, peep this cute divider from @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

Part Two is Here

Azriel held your hand tight as you two walked through Velaris. You were running late to a family dinner where he'd be meeting your parents, brother, and a few other people for the first time.

He watched familiar streets passing by, shadows grown eerily quiet. You stopped at a familiar restaurant, one he had frequented over 20 years ago. He came here with Rhys and Cassian almost weekly before they became mated, and he left the Night Court for 20 years.

He had told you his story of a beautiful love forbidden to him due to her mating bond. He had told parts of his past, of his journeys outside of night, of the past years he had spent healing.

He had been back in Velaris for almost 3 years. 2 of which were spent solely with you.

You had been moving into the apartment next to his when you two crossed paths. You had been struggling to carry a heavy box, so he had taken it from you, helping you get it into your apartment.

That quick interaction turned into nights spent reading together so you both weren't alone. Then coffee in the mornings. Then days spent shopping. Evenings spent out to dinner.

You two spoke about everything.

Well.

Almost everything.

Families were a mostly banned topic.

Azriel knew you had a brother 5 years older than you. He knew both of your mother was involved in your life, as well as married and mated. He knew you had 2 blood aunts, one of which was married, one of which was not. He knew your father was a banned topic.

You knew he had 2 blood brothers, the ones who had scarred his hands, 2 chosen brothers, and several others he considered family. That his mother was wonderful, that he hoped his father found a shallow grave.

But you had told him bringing family into your love life normally ended poorly.

And he had told you he had not been around or spoken to his found family since he left.

You two closed that book, choosing to be just you and him.

You stopped before hitting the private back room Azriel had been in many times. "As a reminder, my dad and brother are dicks."

Azriel leaned down kissing you softly. "I can handle a few assholes, angel."

You sighed heavily. "Just remember, I didn't tell you because they ruin everything. Please." He nodded again, resting his forehead on yours.

You two stood there breathing for a few seconds as he ran a hand through your sandy blonde hair. "Let's just go in. An hour," he murmured, moving to kiss your neck. "One hour and then we go home."

Home.

The cabin you two had just purchased and moved into.

Small. Intimate. Cozy.

Everything you two both didn't know the other never knew.

Everything you two wanted as soon as the bond snapped a couple months ago.

You shared one last kiss, opening the door.

Your father and mother had their backs to you, speaking with your brother who instantly paled the second he saw who you were with.

Azriel had gone stiff, eyes locked with a shocked Cassian.

Nesta almost dropped her wine with a gasp, handing flying to her mouth as she stepped back and shook her head.

Azriel looked at you again. Studying you harder.

Sandy blonde hair.

Button nose.

High cheek bones.

Part illyrian.

Eyes that reflected starlight.

Eyes that were near violet.

Rhysand's eyes.

"Mom, dad," you approached them, ignoring the tension in the room and pulling Azriel with you.

Rhys turned first, whiskey glass shattering in his grip before a look of shock and anger hit him. Feyre immediately turned after that. She was too stunned to move. "This is my mate and boyfriend-"

Elain whispered before you could finish, eyes watering with sadness and hope, "Azriel."

Rhys nodded, scratching his jaw. "I know who he is, babygirl."

Azriel watched you as you looked between them before your face fell. "You're that Azriel."

Feyre clapped her hands, forcing light and air into the room. "Let's sit and eat! This is a um, lovely, surprise. We should all be excited!"

Aunt Elain immediately moved, sitting on Azriel's other side. His hand found yours under the table, lacing your fingers together. Your father sat across from him, mother to one side, Cassian to the other. Nyx sat next to Nesta and her Elain as you all eat at the circled table.

"So where have you been," Nyx refused to be intimated by the situation, secretly filing this away as an example of why he was the better child. "And when did you start seeing my sister?"

Azriel shifted, clearing his throat. "I spent the last 17 years traveling the world. I've been back in Velaris for 3 years. I started seeing y/n 2 years ago."

Cassian drank his beer as if it was water before setting the mug down and refilling it. "You have been back for 3 years and didn't think to yourself that you should go visit your brothers?"

"I wasn't ready."

"But you were ready enough to fuck my daughter as a revenge move?"

"Rhys!" "Dad!"

Rhys put a hand up to your mother and gave you a look. "You would feel the same had it been Elain who ran, Feyre Darling. And you," he turned towards you. "You should have told me who he was."

"Do not speak to her like that. She is not a child."

Nesta looked up, sending a silent prayer to the Cauldron. "She is my child," Rhys growled. "You've been bedding your niece."

Nesta slammed her hands down, "Enough! She is not his niece by blood, and she is clearly upset. If you all cannot be civil, I'm taking y/n home." The room went silent with Lady Death's power flickering through it. "This is the first real family meal we have gotten to have in 20 years," a sad gaze met Azriel's. Guilt shook him, reminding him if the friendship he and Nesta had formed. The friendship he had abandoned. "Can we please just enjoy it."

You were uncomfortable, tears beginning to form as his scarred hand refound yours under the table and squeezed. Rhys nodded, going back to his food as the sound of utensils barely scraping and drinks being poured filled the air.

You should have put two and two together.

Scarred hands.

Massive wingspan.

Mysterious male.

Pretty dagger.

Of course he was that Azriel. The Azriel your Aunt Elain had been pining for for years now.

The Azriel who left in the dead of night leaving only a note.

The Azriel whose seat sat empty your whole life as your dad's stare always lingered on it.

You squeezed his hand back, glancing at the white wine on the table and your empty glass. It was a rare occurrence for you to drink, but now seemed like the perfect time. "Daddy, can I have some wine please?"

You hadn't thought about that either as two deep male voices replied as they reached for the wine, "Of course, baby."

The silence was deafening. Your real father too stunned to speak, Azriel's face growing red with embarrassment.

Cassian, always the joyful uncle, broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, as did your mother. The two of them gripping each other tightly as your father sat blinking over and over, trying to erase this moment from him mind.

It was then the tears fell, and you stood, leaving them to eat as you went into the bathroom.

Azriel and Rhys stared at each other. "We have to get through this for her. You have to get over it. It would have happened regardless of me being here or me leaving."

Rhys growled. "You left without warning, without consulting us, without-"

"You told me to do whatever I needed do to move on and prevent war with Autumn and Day. I did what I had to. I got help, I saw the world, I moved on. I did not plan on coming home and meeting y/n. I didn't even know she was yours until tonight." Azriel took a deep breath before turning to Nesta. "She needs you. Please."

She stood, her and Feyre went after the young female without hesitation. Nyx stood, offering an arm to Elain and forcing her from the room as his father and uncles, well, uncle and soon to be brother, spoke. "You want to talk about fucked up abandonment, Rhys? Where the hell have you been the past two years of her life?"

"Do not speak to me about things you do not understand or know about."

"How can he know," Cassian started gently. "How can he know how we're all working on fixing our relationships with her if we don't tell him. We aren't innocent, Rhys. Maybe this is the first step. Accepting them, loving them despite everything," a silent message was sent to Azriel through Cassian's eyes, "Maybe that's what it takes to bring y/n home."

Rhys looked up, eyes being to line with tears. "What does she say about me?"

Azriel sighed, drinking his whiskey heavily. "That her father favored her brother. Despite his power and ability to look and find the truth, he believed her brother without hesitation and would punish her for his actions at times. That he threatened her once by reminding her that as an illyrian, and as a female, her worth was in whom she was sold to."

Azriel watched the visible flinch. "I can't help but to wonder how bad the argument must have been for that to have been what you said to her."

"I caught her with Tamlin," Rhysand's voice broke. "I caught them whispering about running away together. About sailing somewhere and living out their lives, just the two of them now that he handed Spring over to his heir. She didn't know what he had done to Feyre, who he was. I," Rhys shook his head. "I lost my shit without explaining. Tamlin also didn't know she was mine. I hid her so well for her protection. To prevent anyone from trying to purchase her. I did such a great job protecting her that my protection backfired and she began to rebel."

Cassian sighed softly. "She moved out because Rhys told her he gave up. That if she wanted to explore the world without his hands, without our guidance, then that's what she should go do. He set her up with enough money to last 5 years, bought that apartment complex you two live in, and sent her on her way."

"She just doesn't listen."

Azriel shook his head. "Why would she listen when she isn't heard? From her side, you treat her like your father treated Selene."

"I love her much more than my father ever loved my sister."

"Then show her," Azriel leaned back into his chair. "Show her before I take her from this place, too."

Cassian stiffened, his breathing becoming deep but strained. "They're about to come out. Y/n wants to leave."

Azriel stood, "Then we go. I won't force her to stay here. Let me know when you're ready to talk, Rhys. And if you never are, do not be surprised when I do what I have to in order to keep her safe and happy."

You were out the door quickly and into Azriel's chest, shadows pulling you two away to wherever he took you for comfort, to wherever you felt safe. Feyre turned to Rhys, fire blazing in her eyes, "Fix. This."

PS - there will be a part two

General tag list:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanager @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho

@mariahoedt @rinalouu

[adviceformefromme]

8 TIPS FOR A WHOLESOME SUMMER

1] PRIORITISING SLEEP. You’re sleeping with your mouth closed, because you’ve learnt how open mouth breathing affects your jaw, posture and overall health. You’ve got those little sticky mouth strips from Amazon to help support with keeping your mouth shut during the night and as a result sleeping like a baby. 

3] YOU ARE IN YOUR ‘NO’ ERA. Saying no to absolutely anything that doesn’t align with your truth. No to the boozy party because you’ve quit drinking, no to the consuming voice notes and calls with your ‘still’ friends (still broke, still complaining, still getting no where). The more you say no, the more you are creating space for what is meant for you. 

4] ENJOYING HOBBIES. You start pouring more into activities that fill you up. The yoga workshops, dance classes, painting, cycling, running, making fermented foods. You're becoming more wholesome, and its from a place of truth and love. 

5] LOOKING AND FEELING YOUR BEST. You’re not worried about dropping a little cash on some key items for your summer wardrobe, because you know looking good will only amplify your radiance. This starts at home, sleeping in your best night dresses, wearing the kimono robe around the house. Ensuring your nails toes are clean and groomed, even if this is a weekly at home job. You prioritise looking and feeling your best even if this means waking up a little earlier to get ready.

6] LISTENING TO MUSIC THAT LIFTS YOU UP. Not the songs that keep you in the trap of overthinking him. Spiritual songs, songs of praise, affirmation songs, music with soul. As result you feel more connected to God, your truth, and grounded.

7] MAKING ACTUAL PLANS FOR THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO THIS SUMMER. That means booking the flights, the train tickets, the restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. Pull out your diary and make the plans. Go live your life. Even if you do this alone, the most important thing is you don’t let this summer pass you by. You live it, you breathe it, you make it as fulfilling and exciting as possible. 

8] READING. Having a physical book to read, to travel with, to have close to your heart is the perfect way to expand your mind and take a much needed screen break…Fiction, or Non-fiction, go to the bookstore or library and enjoy the feel of the recycled paper on your finger tips as you indulge in something of interest. 

9] REDUCE SCREEN TIME. Whatever your current screen time, the goal is to reduce it by 50%, so if you’re currently on 4hrs per day, get it down to 2hrs. The less time on your phone, the more time in the real world, you’ll find you become more present, and enjoying life instead of being a slave to your device. 

[fictional-orphan-smackdown]

LET THE FINAL ROUND COMMENCE!

All propaganda and what each competitor is from under the cut

Anthony Lockwood (Lockwood and Co)

Lockwood (he's known by his surname mostly) is the mysterious, daredevil and charming founder of Lockwood and Co., a detective agency specialised in protecting people from angry -and sometimes sort of hungry- ghosts in a world where they're rampant. His agency is starting small despite Lockwood bragging it's the best in London but get more and more recognition as the series progress and the agents composing them meet success (when they're not on the verge of dying). Lockwood has open manners but hid his painful past from his coworkers to protect himself. He and George, the first teenager he recruited, are quite stunned by Lucy, a country girl who fled to London after disaster striked in her hometown. Thanks to her talent, she quickly becomes known as one of the best ghost fighter in London and finds her place in the small team despite having the same determination to hide her past than Lockwood, which draws him close to her, making George jealous, but Lockwood's manifest good skills in leadership and the three of them become fast friends while unravelling secret truths and risking their lives repeatedly

He has a lot of trauma and a lot of pain but he always smiles and always has a warm and polite attitude; he’s so protective of the ones he loves that it overrides his suicidal tendencies; at the end of the series he starts to heal from his past; he’s hot but has only two braincells.

Chuck e' Cheese (Restaurant/family entertainment center chain)

Charles Entertainment Cheese grew up in St. Marinara orphanage and he loved singing, especially happy birthday. But he didn't know his own birthday (because he is an orphan) so all he could do was celebrate other kids' birthdays. His favourite part was the pizza. He also loved playing Pong and he went to New York City after winning $50 in a Pong tournament.

[astronomoney]

Waitress

Pairing + WC: Jason Grace x mortal!reader, 2.1k Warnings: NOT canon compliant, this takes place in my world where Piper and Jason realized they were best as friends right after lost hero and Leo never got with Caylpso. also TOA never happened because it makes me sad. Also somewhat not proof read Summary: Jason has been sneaking off for weeks and Leo is detirmened to find out why. Or alternativly: Leo, Piper, Annabeth, and Percy go snooping in Jasons buisness Authers note: Hey hey! first fic in what feels like a million years! I definitely have to shake the rust off a bit but this was a fun one to get back into it! I was listening to Waitress at work and got this idea so i ran with it. Honestly not much of the actual relationship, theres a lot of set up and other characters but I think I may do a part two if this does well :)

Jason Grace was a busy man. Going between camps, building shrines to all the minor gods, serving as Pontifex Maximus, taking trips to Olympus to meet deities, and head counselor duties. Everyone knew he had no time on his schedule. His friends were lucky if they could get him to spare an hour to catch up, much less get him to a bonfire. So why on earth is it that Jason Grace would take upwards of two hours out of his day, three days a week, to walk out of camp and go to who knows where?

Leo was determined to find out. He’d watched Jason sneak off for the past month, and he was sick of wondering. He tried to bring it up but just got a red-faced muttered excuse about it’s just a walk in the woods and I have to finish my work before he'd disappeared into his cabin.

“I think we’re lost,” Percy said, stopping suddenly and causing Piper to almost slam into his back.

“We are not lost!” Leo exclaimed, “I swear he went this way,” 

“We’re miles from camp,” Piper butt in, “he could be anywhere,” she crossed her arms and glared at Leo. 

“We should turn back before someone notices we’re gone,” Annabeth added, looking up and down the road they were on. Leo had seen Jason sneaking off just before lunch and had convinced his friends to follow him. Now, here they were, on some back road heading through the woods surrounding the camp a mile and a half away from the border.

“Guys, c'mon! Don’t you want to know where he’s been going!” Leo turned back to the group. “He can’t have gotten far.” He kept walking backward in the same direction they’d been heading for the past 10 minutes. For a little while, they could see Jason walking along the side of the road, far ahead, but they’d kept their distance so he wouldn’t notice them. Then he made a turn at an intersection, and they’d lost sight of him. 

“Maybe he really is just out for a walk?” Piper offered.

Leo hualted now, “For two hours? No way, he’s definitely up to something out here.” He stared at the group, waiting for someone to disagree. No one did. It was definitely unusual behavior from the son of Jupiter to take so much time away from his work.

“We’ve been walking for 25 minutes. I say we go 5 more and then head back,” Annabeth spoke up, sending Leo a you owe me glance. 

“Perfect, 5 minutes!” Leo returned an appreciative smile before turning on his heel and continuing down the road with his friends in tow.

They rounded a corner a minute later, and Leo couldn’t help the I told you so grin that came across his face. In front of them, just a few more meters down the road was a genuine 1950s-style roadside diner with the name The Doo-Wop Diner plastered over the door. “See!” Leo pointed triumphantly, “Now imagine if we had turned back when you quitters had wanted to,” 

The group walked up to the diner, rolling their eyes at Leo’s antics. They peered in through the windows that lined the front. It was cute, with pastel blue on the walls, 50s-style booths, a jukebox in the corner, and a countertop bar.

“Is he even in there?” Percy asked, huddled next to Annabeth and scanning the restaurant.

“He’s got to be,” Leo squinted from Annabeth's other side.

“There he is!” Annabeth pointed to the far end of the bar where Jason was sitting. He had a cup of coffee and an open book in front of him.

“What’s he doing in there?” Leo asked as if any of them knew. “He walks all the way out here for ‘New York's best black coffee’?” He read off the sign in the window. 

The group looked at him for another minute in deliberation before Piper let out a quiet gasp. “It’s not the coffee he’s here for,” she was staring at something on the other end of the restaurant with wide, knowing eyes. “Look,”

When the three others looked back at Jason, they saw a soft, almost nervous smile on his face while he gave a slight wave. When they followed his gazeto the other side of the resturant, they all came to the same conclusion that Piper had. Jason Grace had walked nearly thirty minutes away from camp to a rinky-dink old diner on the side of the road to see you.

You were dressed in a 1950s waitress uniform and serving some of that aforementioned black coffee to an old couple. When you caught sight of Jason, your face lit up, and you waved back. As soon as you finished pouring the coffee, you brought the pot over to where Jason was sitting, even though he still had a full cup in front of him. The four standing outside were frozen in place as they watched the two inside interact. 

“Hey!” You said as you approached. The smile you had on now was so much more genuine than your usual customer service smile. “I missed you last week,”

Jason’s smile mirrored your own as he put a napkin between the pages of his book to mark his place. “Hey. Yeah, sorry, I had a last minute thing, uh, out of town, I had to do,” he had been called back to Camp Jupiter to resolve a minor god conflict and hadn’t been able to come in at his usual time. 

“Ooo, more of your mystery out-of-town work?” He’d mentioned it several times but, for obvious reasons, couldn’t tell you the whole story, and being the golden boy he was, he couldn’t bring himself to flat-out lie. “Is it something illegal?” You asked.

Jason let out a laugh at that. “It’s definitely not illegal.” He pushed his glasses back into place. 

“Are you sure? Because based on what you’ve told me, it’s out of town, it’s odd hours, it’s highly secretive, and it’s hard work.” You listed things out, counting them on your fingers. “You’re either selling drugs or possibly a secret agent.” You finished with wide, questioning eyes.

He laughed again at your list. You always had a way of putting his mind at ease. When it was swimming in work, and he couldn’t think straight, you always managed to bring him back to sanity. “It’s all boring, I promise. I’d much rather be here.” 

Your grin returned. “Oh really? I didn’t know you held our fine establishment in such high regard.” While you spoke, the cook rang a harsh bell and shouted, "Order up!”

“Thanks, Cal,” You called while you grabbed the two burger plates from the kitchen and walked them around the counter to deposit them at a table nearby. Jason watched you while you worked, the soft smile never once leaving his face as you handed out napkins and refilled some water. 

Once you were back, the conversation picked up exactly where it had left off. “It has its selling points,” he mused. The other half of that sentence, mostly about cute waitresses with the brightest smiles and the prettiest eyes, stayed caught in his throat. The pair slipped into an easy routine they’d established long ago. Jason would sit and drink his coffee while you bustled around, taking orders, running food, cleaning the occasional spill, all the while keeping up a steady stream of small talk. 

It was a mutually beneficial relationship. You got a bit of conversation to distract from the monotony of your work, and his blue eyes always seemed to make your day go smoother. Jason got a much-needed break from everything Greco-Roman. At camp, he always had so much responsibility, and so many expectations were weighing him down. Here, he didn’t have to worry about all that. You didn’t know who his dad was or what quests he’d been on, and you didn’t care. You liked him for him and not for the hero he was supposed to be. 

You returned to your spot across from him and picked up a rag to look like you were still doing something. “Have you told anyone at that camp of yours about this place?” You knew Camp Half-Blood existed. You also knew it wasn't anywhere close to normal based on the folks that came through, but they had the best strawberries even in the off-season, so you didn’t ask many questions.

“No way. Trust me, you do not want them coming here,” Jason had told you about his friends, minus a few details, but he had always emphasized that they were trouble.

“Uh huh, so then, who's staring at us from the window?” You asked with a sideways grin on your face.

“What?” Jason wiped his head around in time to see four panicked faces duck below the window sill outside. “Oh, by all the gods!” He muttered angrily under his breath and made a beeline for the door. “I’ll be right back,” he called to you, knowing you’d watch his book and half cup of coffee.

“Take your time,” you called back as he pushed open the door and stepped outside. 

For a second, all the demigods stared at each other without moving. Four crouched on the ground, wishing he hadn’t seen them, and one glaring at the group from above. Jason grabbed the front of Leo’s shirt and hoisted him up so he stood with his hands raised in surrender. “What are you doing here,” he hissed.

“Hey! Calm down, calm down,” Leo tried a friendly smile but was met with a glare. “We just, uh went for a walk?” He offered an explanation that sounded more like a question

“Wrong answer,” Jason sent his glare at the other three. “Did you all follow me?” He let Leo go and took a step back so he could glare at everyone all at once instead of having to shift his gaze.

“Leo made us come,” Piper threw him under the bus.

“Oh gee, thanks, beauty queen. It's nice to know where your loyalties lie.” Leo shot back, adjusting his shirt front.

Percy gave Jason a sly grin. “We were curious, but we never would have come if we knew you had a secret girlfriend out here,”

“She is not my girlfriend!” Jason cut him off. 

Percy put up his own hands, “Sorry, secret crush,” he corrected.

“She isn't! I don't-” Jason was full-on flustered now.

“Does that mean she’s up for grabs?” Leo asked. He looked back inside before getting smacked upside the back of the head by Annabeth. “What? She cute!”

When Jason looked back through the window he caught your eye and you sent him a questioning, yet very amused, glace. Jason had a bit of panic at that and quickly moved to usher the four away from the window and back towards the road. “Absolutely not! First of all, she’s a person; she can’t be up for grabs, and secondly, you can’t meet her!”

“What? Why not, she seems nice,” Annabeth asked.

“She is nice! And she's normal, and she doesn’t need to know any of you,” Jason managed to get them all about 10 feet from the front door. “Go back to camp. Just follow this road east for a mile, turn right at the second intersection, go straight for another half-mile, and you’ll see the border.” Jason gave the hurried directions and prayed to whichever god would listen that they’d all just leave.

“Whoa, man, we walked all the way out here, and now you're just gonna send us away?” Leo asked, putting a hand over his chest in fake offense.

“Yes,” Jason shot back flatly.

Piper spoke up next, “Wait, what’s her name? How long have you been coming here? How’d you even find this place? Does she like you back? It looked like she did.”

“Really?” Jason asked before shaking his head and focusing again. “I mean, I am not answering that,” he was still trying to shew the group away, but clearly, it wasn’t working. 

“Well, do they have good food here?” Percy added

“I saw ‘Breakfast all day’ on one of the signs,” Annabeth walked around Jason and back towards the door.

“And that burger meal she brought out looked really good,” Leo added. The four demigods went right past Jason and headed for the front door. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Jason muttered as his friends ignored him and went in. “This is not good,” he said to himself, following the group back inside. They obviously had no intention of leaving, and he figured the next best course of action would be to simply die of shame. He knew this day would come; someone would catch him sneaking off, and his best-kept secret would become his worst nightmare. He just didn’t think it’d be so soon.

≻───── ⋆✩⋆ ─────≺

Ahhhh first fic in a long ass time, its not my best work but personally I liked the plot so I got a little carried away and might have to make a part 2

[lovekz]

dumb dick!

syn -> taiju’s bike isn’t the only thing you wanna ride of his.

warnings : smut, rough sex, p in v, oral (male receiving), squirting, use of the nickname mama and baby, overstimulation, taiju has a big dick, creampie

-

you stood inside of the fast food restaurant, waiting on you and yuzuha’s order.

the two of you decided you should have a sleepover to catch up with each other, as college work has been keeping you two apart.

however, you don’t think this was a great idea anymore, because nothing was going right.

your car had broke down so you had to take the bus, and you were stranded.

the walk to the shiba’s house would take pretty long and you don’t want the food to get cold.

taking the bus wouldn’t shorten the time either.

not to mention your horrible experiences with ubers and lyft.

so you called yuzuha and asked if she could pick you up.

“sorry babe, I can’t. I gave hakkai my car so he could take it to his friend to get it fixed.” yuzuha frowned, feeling bad.

she had the same problem as you, but hers had broke down only after she got home.

you cursed quietly, contemplating on what you should do.

you could risk it and get a uber (and possibly have to stay on the phone the entire time and drain your phone's battery) or risk your legs and walk.

neither sounded ideal.

“i can pick her up?” you hear a voice in the background catch your attention.

it isn’t a voice you've heard before, and you don't think yuzuha got a boyfriend during the times you haven't spoke.

"that would be amazing, tai. can you please? i'll send you 50 for gas." yuzuha immediately says, opening her phone.

"no it's fine. you don't have to." the alleged 'tai' had responded, before you heard a door close.

yuzuha had a big smile on her face, and you looked at her with a bit of a smug look.

"didn't know you had a boyfriend." you teased, grabbing your orders and sitting at one of the seats.

yuzuha scoffed, rolling her eyes and leaning back into the comfy couch that she bought.

"hell no. that's just my older brother, taiju." yuzuha replies, tucking a hair behind her ear with a hum.

you nod, not knowing your best friend had another brother considering you only see hakkai.

maybe he doesn't live with them or maybe he isn't really their brother at all.

who knows.

after a few minutes, you walk outside and see a guy on a cool ass motorcycle.

you recognize it being the one that's usually in the shiba garage, but no one ever touched it before.

probably because it was his.

the man looks at you approaching him, and you try not to cream in your panties.

he was so fine.

he had this piercing gold gaze with a scowl resting permanently on his lips, hair blowing wildly behind him.

he wore a turtleneck that hugged his muscles perfectly and a pair of dress pants, dior belt holding them up.

not only was he fine, but he had money just like his siblings.

"you must be zu's friend?" the man begins to speak, leaning back to rest on his bike.

his voice came out gruffer than it had sounded over the phone, fitting his intimidating look.

you couldn't bring yourself to speak, offering him a nod as you got closer to get on the bike.

he stops you, getting off and taking the bag of food from you and resting it on the handle.

then, he lifts you up into the air and places you onto the bike properly, making you even more flustered.

he doesn’t say a word to you, just gets on the bike himself and wraps your arms around his waist.

you hold on tightly as he starts up the bike, before driving off.

the wind in your face actually feels amazing, makes you feel like you have a a lot of freedom in the world.

not only that, but you were offered a ride on a really hot guy’s motorcycle with him on it!

you wonder if he’ll get mad if you just…

you begin to let your hands fall a little lower from his waist, waiting for any reaction.

when there was none, you press a delicate hand on his bulge.

you feel his breath hitch just a bit, before he stops at a red light and turns to you.

“playing with your life gorgeous. can't wait till we get home?” taiju teases quietly, giving you a little smirk.

you smile at him, letting him pull your hands back up to where they originally were.

“sorry. just testing the waters.” you joke, getting a bit closer to him.

you feel him chuckle from his back as he looks back at the street when the light turns green.

you hope he stays so you can ‘test’ more waters on him.

he doesn’t seem to mind.

-

four hours into the movie marathon, yuzuha is knocked out on the long end of the couch.

taiju was upstairs in his own room, probably asleep as well.

the two of you had finished some of your food and had some more to share for hakkai and taiju.

so now it was just you and the movie.

it was growing to be late, but you don’t really feel tired at all.

maybe it’s because you were used to staying up so late to do homework and projects.

so you stayed up until the movie was over, woke yuzuha up to go in the room, and then laid on the air mattress wide awake.

of course this would happen.

you sigh to yourself, before going back downstairs to grab something to drink.

when you get to the kitchen, taiju is sitting on the counter with a mug in his hand.

shirtless, with only a pair of sweats that hang loosely on him.

you catch his attention almost immediately, him give you a little smile in result.

maybe he forgot about what happened earlier.

“hey.” you greet shortly, before grabbing one of the cups and getting some water.

he raises a hand to you, before looking back at his phone.

you lean against the counter yourself, typing away at your phone.

it’s silent for a while, besides the sound of things crashing and booming coming from his phone.

you wouldn’t take him for the type, then again, the shibas are pretty unpredictable.

“how come you’re down here so late?” taiju questions, not looking away from his phone.

you look up from yours, before taking another sip from your glass.

“can't sleep. you?” you reply shortly, placing your phone down onto the counter.

he does the same, wanting to engage in a conversation with you.

“same as you, really haven’t slept here in a while.” taiju explains, nodding his head.

you nod along with him. so he did use to live here, but he doesn’t anymore.

probably just visiting.

it grows silent once more, and you finish your water quickly.

it’s thirty minutes before two, and you don’t feel like staring up at the ceiling in yuzuha’s room.

taiju must’ve caught onto that, and he hops of the counter and moves in front of you.

“if you’d like, you can come keep me company in my room.” taiju whispers in your ear, before making his way upstairs.

you’re flustered now, and he probably knows it.

but you won’t let him get away that easily.

-

when you make it into taiju's room, you notice how well done it is although a bit childish.

he has drawings of what are supposed to be sharks with hakkai and yuzuha's name scribbled on it.

the year at the bottom left had read about 10-13 years back.

his bed sheets were perfectly a deep blue with fluffy dark grey covers over the bed with a clean smell.

they must be fresh out of the dryer they had in their laundry room.

he had a comfortable little couch there too, it was where he was sitting right now.

also where you were kneeling in front of him, between his big beefy legs that could suffocate you if he wanted.

as of right now, you were trying to fit half of his cock into your mouth with a whine.

"you want it baby? gotta get it wet first." taiju encouraged, bucking his hips into your warm throat.

you gag around him just a bit, holding the base of his cock with both hands as you look up at him.

he's looking back at you with a shit eating grin, knowing you can't take more than the four inches you have down your throat.

taiju was a pretty big man, you should've expected him to have a big dick as well.

after a bit more of you struggling, taiju lifts you off of him and brings you closer to his face.

"breathe mama, s'okay. you'll have more practice." taiju whispered, cupping you through your panties.

just from sucking him (and playing with yourself in the first half), you were more than ready to try and take him a different way.

he sits you in his lap and lifts his hips up to shuffle the rest of his pants off, before pulling your panties off.

"want you t'ride me. that okay with you?" taiju whispers, kissing your jawline softly.

even if you didn't want to before, you were so gonna do it after he asked.

taiju doesn’t let you respond though, just lifts you up and lines himself up with your sopping hole.

you hold yourself up on your knees and keep steady with the help of his broad shoulders.

he teases your clit softly, making you roll your hips with a hitched breath.

eventually, he’s stops playing and sits you down onto his tip.

a hiss leaves your mouth immediately, the stretch being something completely foreign.

you weren’t a virgin, but you’ve never been with anyone much bigger than you.

let alone raw.

taiju rests against the couch a bit more, holding your waist to keep you still on top of him.

he’s watching as you sink yourself onto his hard cock, shaking ever so slightly and taking deep breaths.

taiju bores his eyes into your closed ones, feeling you rest your hands on his chest.

eventually, you sit down completely and open your eyes to stare back into taiju’s gold ones.

“you okay?” taiju teases quietly, rubbing your hip in slow reassuring circles.

you nod quickly, letting out a quiet sigh and leaning closer to him.

he notices how much you were tightening around him, and presses his thumb against your clit.

“s’okay. just relax for me, gonna make you feel good.” taiju reassures, rubbing in tight circles.

you moan quietly, following the movements of his thumb with your hips despite taiju trying to keep you still.

"mhm.. open up that pretty pussy for me." taiju groans, grinding up into you.

you begin to bounce and grind just a bit, already feeling overwhelmed from the size of him inside of you.

and you barely started moving.

taiju gains your attention by giving your hips a tight squeeze, staring into your eyes.

"you'll tell me if it's too much, okay?" taiju practically demanded, glancing down at where you two were connected.

you nod immediately, picking up the speed a little more.

soon enough, you were nearing your second orgasm, holding his hands and bouncing erratically on his dick while moaning a bit too loud.

taiju wasn't worried though, he knew his sister has slept through many things she probably shouldn't have.

loud claps echoed through the room every time you slammed your hips down onto him.

"m'cumming!" you cried out above him for the second time tonight, squeezing his hands tightly as you threw your head back.

taiju knows already though. he's mesmerized by the way you squeeze and ride him more desperately.

"go ahead. make a mess on me, baby." taiju grunts, feeling your insides squeeze against him more.

and at his command, you're crying out loudly and releasing on him one more.

taiju groans quietly, letting go of your hands and grabbing your waist.

he lifts you up and practically tosses you onto his bed, before pushing your legs up to your ears and sliding into you again.

you press a hand against his stomach, squealing as he presses directly into your sweet spot.

"w-wait taiju! s'too much!" you gasped out, scratching at his abs to try to push him out a bit.

"mm-mm. move it. it's never too much." taiju says gruffly, slapping your hands away and pounding into you.

you toss your head back and moan, feeling your legs begin to shake like you had to cum again.

taiju lets your legs go and they end up wrapped around his waist tightly, trying to still his movements.

but it does nothing, since taiju is much stronger and bigger than you.

he reaches between the both of you and begins rubbing your clit feverishly, relishing in the feeling of you pulling him in.

you feel something begin to build up in your tummy, something stronger than before.

you cry out loudly, still trying to get him to let up on his thrusts.

"g-gonna make a mess! please!" you squeal, feeling his hand begin to press on your tummy.

"i know mama, can feel it." taiju grunts out, still battering your poor pussy senseless.

before you knew it, you were squirting all over his stomach and the sheets below you.

the extra wetness made the thrusts you continued to receive much louder and wetter than before.

"hope you're on the pill." taiju says to you, feeling his hips begin to stutter and lose its rhythm.

you don't let it bother you, too overstimulated to understand anything he could be saying to you.

he wraps his hand around your throat to keep you still as he pushes deep into you, cumming hard.

his scrunches up his nose and groans, shutting his eyes tight.

and although your sight is a bit blurry, you can't help but watching him closely as he rides out his orgasm.

when he's finished, he pulls out of you and watches his cum drip out onto the bed before moving his attention back to your face.

you were spent, and on the verge of falling asleep.

taiju presses two or three kisses to your lips, before rubbing your thigh comfortingly.

"don't go to sleep yet. m'not done." taiju whispers in your ear, gathering some of the cum up and pushing it back into you.

and you definitely did have a feeling he wasn't.

-

the next morning, you wake up in the airbed more sore than you thought you'd be.

the numerous amount of rounds you and taiju did might be the reason, and not because of the airbed have little to none air.

you get out as best as possible, before making your way to the bathroom and brushing your teeth.

yuzuha was already out of bed and was probably downstairs.

when you finish, you go downstairs and see all three of the shibas standing around in the kitchen.

now that you realize it, they all shared more similarities, though hakkai looked much more like taiju standing next to him.

"good morning sleeping beauty. how ya feeling?" yuzuha teases, oblivious as to what happened last night.

you stretch out your limbs and pick up a piece of fruit from her bowl, chewing on it.

"sore, actually. feels like my body was bent wrong." you complain lightly, sitting on the counter next to her.

hakkai spits out his coffee, before coughing loudly and holding onto taiju for support.

the three of you were confused, watching as hakkai wiped his mouth with paper towel.

"uhm.. okay. when did you come back, kai?" yuzuha questioned, shrugging off her brother's odd behvaior.

when he came to his senses and finished cleaning up, he leaned against the counter with a bottle of water.

taiju rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee, waiting for hakkai's response.

"sometime around two or three last night." hakkai says hesitantly, drinking his cold water.

taiju then spits out his coffee and you begin to choke on the piece of strawberry in your mouth.

you play yours off with a laugh, covering your mouth as you lean on yuzuha so she laughs too.

he had came in around the time taiju had you in his bed, which is probably why he reacted the way he did.

now it was taiju cleaning up his mess and drinking water.

"i don't get it. what's going on?" yuzuha questioned suspiciously after her laugh dies down, looking at her brothers.

taiju shakes his head, looking at hakkai with a unreadable expression.

hakkai clears his throat after another sip of water, before looking at his older sister.

"the coffee is shit, yuzu. is it dark roast?" hakkai questions, pointing to the bag of coffee grounds.

she checks, and (luckily), the coffee that was in the machine was dark roast.

yuzuha curses quietly and tosses the bag in the garbage, along with the pot of coffee that was made.

"shit, my bad. i'll go get another one now." yuzuha says, grabbing her wallet and keys before turning to you.

she was silently asking if you would be okay staying here while she runs to the store.

you wave her off, massaging your hips just a little bit.

"i'm still sore, so i'll probably lay down for a bit." you explain, flashing her a little smile.

yuzuha nods, before changing out her shoes and offering you a smile.

"i'll bring back some painkillers." yuzuha lets you know, before walking out of the house.

when it's confirmed that yuzuha was out of the driveway, you and taiju turned to hakkai.

"i got one hundred dollars if you keep your mouth shut." you say, pointing your fork at him.

hakkai scoffs, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter with a smirk.

"one fifty sounds like a better bargain honestly." hakkai says, looking at you with a raised brow.

"how about two fifty and you eat for free." taiju bargains with him again, crossing his arms to mock hakkai.

you go to protest about the amount of money, but taiju holds his hand up to you.

it shuts you up almost immediately, especially when hakkai's eyes widen with a grin.

"you got a deal-" "but only you! and maybe mitsuya." taiju restates, cutting hakkai off before he got a big head.

hakkai scoffs, before nodding and saying a short 'fine' under his breath.

hakkai leaves the room after giving taiju his cash app, and goes upstairs.

"i don't have two fifty." you sigh, leaning back and letting him find yourself in between your legs.

he presses a kiss your your lips and then along your jawline.

"don't worry about it. i'll pay him." he whispers, massaging your hips for you.

you nod, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you pull him into a kiss.

you hope hakkai doesn't see this, or you fear he'll ask for more money.

[daisydaphne]

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 - 𝐁𝐍𝐇𝐀

Characters: these three dumbass.

Warnings: pregnancy mentions, established relationships.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

Midoriya Izuku:

• Such a warm heart.

• He literally cried the whole wedding, and afterwards too. He swears that he doesn’t have any tears left to cry but it’s such a lie.

• He’s not that husband material as it is said. Yes, he does everything, but 50% of the things are completely wrong. He cooks! But he breaks the glasses. He also clean the house! But breaks the expensive vase your mother gifted to you.

• Honey, he’s so spoiled. Since you’re an excellent lawyer, you always gift him the best suits and expensive things. He swears he feels bad, but always goes to work saying “this??? Oh, it’s a gift from my wife”.

• Well, it is well known that this man would be a perfect father. It was a mistake, but you got pregnant after 2 years of marriage.

• When you told him the news, he couldn’t stop crying -happy tears- for almost 10 hours. After that, he just bought so many baby items that were imposible to count.

• He truly loves his baby boy. Izuku swears with his heart to protect you and the little boy no matter how. He has never been happier than this.

..

“honey, I think it’s time to have the chat with the baby.. “ Izuku told you unexpectedly. “He needs to know how amazing All Might is!!!”

*.’*

Katsuki Bakugo:

• He is the most loyal/dumbass person you know.

• Since the first day, he knew you would be his wife. Something inside him woke up the moment he saw you.

• He is INDEED a well mannered husband. The first weekend of every month, both of you eat in a 3 star Michelin restaurant just to spend time together.

• Since both are excellent business workers, you always gift him nice items and so does he. He bought a pair of baby shoes, but never told you about it.

• Your baby was planned. Katsuki just wanted to have a family with you, if you were comfy with. You were happy about it, and after 2 months, it happened.

• When you told him the news, it was the first time he cried for so long. He couldn’t believe that he would use that baby shoes for the first time.

• He swears he doesn’t care if it is a baby girl or a baby boy, howeeeeeever, he only buys girly things.

• When he knew it was a baby girl, he felt so proud and now worried of the world.

- -

“Stop being so stubborn! It’s time to grow up, little girl” Katsuki is angry because his little girl just broke his new lamp.

“You are a stubborn with 40 years old!! It’s time to grow up, daddy”

Oh boy, you just had two Katsuki Bakugo in the same fucking house.

*••…••*

Shoto Todoroki:

• He’s kinda chaotic.

• He truly doesn’t know anything about established relationship. His life has been chaotic, but he’s a fast learner.

• He doesn’t know a shit about a calm place and true love, so little by little he’s getting used to. He only wants to be happy by your side.

• He doesn’t care about expensive gift, so please invite him to your place to eat something and watch a movie.

• He realized that he wanted to marry you when he woke up next to you. Something inside him felt right and in peace.

• But kids ???? No, not a chance. That is the opposite of his beliefs.

• However, it was a crazy night and you got pregnant. He was in shock, and left for 2 hours.

• You didn’t know where he went, or what happened during that period. He arrived home with pampers and baby things.

• He knows that he can be better than his dad, just needs a little courage, you know?

- -

“What a surprise, I wasn’t expecting two babies…”

He was truly in shock when he saw two little humans being exactly like him. One baby girl and one baby boy with his eyes fully opened, watching his daddy with excitement.

“I hope I can make both of you happy”.

[presidentbungus]

i think demo's the best tipper ever btw. spent his whole childhood working slightly illegal part-time jobs and most of his adulthood angsting over how little good he'd actually contributed to the world so the least he can do with all those gigantic piles of money he eventually worked up to is spread some of it to every service sector worker he sees. his waitress at a breakfast restaurant gets a $200 tip for the $4 breakfast burrito he instantly inhaled. he surreptitiously slides a few hundreds into the pocket of the hardware store employee who helped him find something and then refused his money. the warty kid working the counter of his favorite liquor store watches him drop anywhere from 50 to 4000 dollars in the tip jar every time he comes in. it's the least he can do, really, and what else is he gonna do with the money? grabs your shoulders do you understand me