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hauntedhowlett-writes · 2 years ago

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Title: cruel summer | chapter 1

Pairing: Joel Miller/Female!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+, MDNI)

Chapters: 6/6

Read on AO3 | Join the tag list

Summary:

Joel takes a contracting job renovating a master bedroom and bathroom while the homeowners are away for the summer on a cruise.

He wasn’t expecting their twenty-three year old daughter and the thoughts he’d have about her.

Author’s note: I’m playing fast and loose with ages and timelines here. Joel is 38, reader is 23, and Sarah is 5. No mushroom apocalypse here, y’all.

Additional tags/warnings: explicit sexual content, age gap (15 years), reader is 23 and Joel is 38, he’s a lil guilty about it anyways, pet names, dirty talk, lack of aftercare, oral (f receiving), fingering, begging, angst, drying humping. Let me know if I’m missing anything!

You hear the heavy footsteps of your dad and the contractor coming up the steps to the front door. You turn from the stove, spatula in hand just as your dad comes into view with a man you’ve never seen before.

He’s tall and broad, shoulders stretching the worn flannel he’s wearing to what must be near its breaking point. He’s got a strong nose and sharp jaw highlighted by his tan skin. His hair is brown that’s streaked with gray, messy curls sticking up in all directions.

Woah, you think. Your eyes meet warm brown ones that make your knees feel a little unsteady.

Your dad gives the man your name followed by, “My daughter. She’s home for the summer while she studies for the MCAT. I hope that’s not a problem that she’ll be here?”

“Not a problem for me. Noise might bother you, though, if you’re tryin’ to study,” the man says, deep voice making your mouth go a little dry. He holds a hand out to you. “I’m Joel, by the way. I’m doin’ the remodel on your parent’s room.”

That’s right. Your dad had mentioned that your mom had finally broken him down and made him get a contractor out to update their master bath. They scheduled it while they’re away on a six week cruise, leaving you to house sit while you studied for your exam.

“It won’t bother me,” you reply, shaking his hand. They’re calloused and warm and just the brief contact is enough to have you wondering what they would feel like trailing over other parts of your body. “I’ve got noise canceling headphones.”

He smiles, but it’s short lived. He sniffs the air, brows pinching together. “Is something burning?”

“Shit! My eggs!” You turn back to the stove and shut the burner off, moving the pan off the heat and trying to scrape your now burnt scrambled eggs from the surface.

“Come on, Joel, let me show you upstairs.”

________

Joel returns to the house a few times that week to take measurements and talk materials with your mom. Each time you’re there in the kitchen, books spread around you at the dining table and your head bobbing to music he can’t hear.

He can’t help the way his eyes linger when he comes inside, stomping his work boots against the mat inside the doorway as a courtesy and, if he’s honest with himself, to get your attention. And every time you glance up and smile at him, bright and beautiful.

As soon as he’s back upstairs and remembers he has a job to do, he berates himself for the thoughts he has. He has no goddamn right to be looking at a client’s daughter, much less one as young as you.

His presence in the house is sparing over the first couple weeks of the job, mostly just dropping by for measurements and to get an idea of a plan for demo day. He’s got orders in on tile placed, fixtures picked out, paint purchased. Everything’s in place to get started next week.

Satisfied, he heads downstairs to leave. He both hopes you’re in the kitchen and prays you’re not, if only to ease his guilty conscience.

But there you are, bent over in front of the fridge in shorts that hug your ass a bit too well. You straighten up with a can of beer in your hand, popping the tab and taking a sip.

“You even old enough to drink that?” Joel can’t help but ask, lingering in the doorway.

“I bought it. Why, you wanna see my ID? You moonlight as a cop or somethin’?” You roll your eyes.

Brat, Joel thinks, rolling his lips together. He turns to leave, he’s made enough of a fool of himself for one day.

“I’m twenty-three, in case you were wondering!” You call out as the door shuts behind him.

Fuck.

________

Joel’s been upstairs since early this morning, smashing things with a sledge hammer, prying things with a crowbar, and all sorts of other destruction that filters through your headphones.

It’s almost noon when you decide to give up and give into the temptation to go see what the man is doing. You head upstairs, stepping carefully into your parents room. There’s plastic tarp leading from the door of the bedroom to the door of the bathroom that crinkles beneath your feet as you move further inside.

You peek beyond the doorway of the bathroom and clutch the frame almost painfully when you catch a glimpse of a rather sweaty Joel, white t-shirt sticking to his chest and back as he wiggles a crowbar between the wall and vanity, leveraging his body weight against it to get the fixture to detach from the wall.

He repeats the process a few more times until the vanity is completely removed. He tosses the crowbar to the side and wipes the back of his hand across his dusty forehead. You clear your throat, his eyes shooting to the mirror to meet yours.

“Hey, uh. Hi. I’m about to make something for lunch…did you want anything?” You ask. His chest moves rapidly with his labored breathing.

“Sure,” he finally says.

_______

He shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t be sitting at the kitchen table, watching you move around the kitchen like a picture of domesticity as you make two ham and turkey sandwiches for lunch.

You set the plate in front of him, along with a cold can of Coke, before sitting across from him with your own matching meal. He takes a bite, humming in satisfaction.

“Thank you,” he says when he’s swallowed. You nod, picking up your own sandwich and digging in.

The two of you eat in silence for a few minutes. Joel lets his eyes wander over you while you’re focused on your food. You’ve got a University of Texas tank top on, white with an orange Longhorn stretched across your chest, and another pair of shorts, giving him an eyeful of your long, smooth legs.

Tearing his eyes from you, his gaze lands on the stack of books on the table. “So, the MCAT. Must mean you’re pretty smart.”

“Not to brag, but I did finish organic chemistry without crying,” you reply, lips tilted in a smug grin. “I’m taking it at the end of August, before senior year starts. Dad said I didn’t have to get a summer job if I moved home and saved him some rent money.”

“What kind of doctor are you lookin’ to become?”

“Pediatrician. I love kids.”

Joel’s heart rate kicks up as he thinks about you chasing a toddler around a manicured lawn surrounded by a white picket fence. Or in the kitchen with a baby on your hip.

Jesus Christ. What the fuck is wrong with him?

“Joel?” You ask, breaking through his mental flagellation.

“Hm?”

“I asked if you have any kids,” you repeat.

He can feel his face go soft. “Yeah, Sarah. She just turned five. She starts kindergarten at the end of the summer.”

“How sweet,” you say. “I bet you and your wife are excited about that.”

“There’s, uh…there’s no wife,” Joel replies, clearing his throat uncomfortably. He stands, taking this empty plate to the dishwasher. “I better get back to work.”

Joel feels the weight of your stare on his back as he heads upstairs.

________

It goes on like that for two weeks. Joel gets to the house early and you study at the kitchen table until lunch time, when you ask him if he wants anything to eat. He should say no. It’s not your job to feed him, he’s got a stash of granola bars that’ll do just fine.

But each time he sees your hopeful doe eyed expression, his resolve crumbles to dust.

So he sits at the table each day, eating the sandwich you made him and drinking the Coke you gave him, learning tidbits of information about you.

Like how you weren’t sure about pursuing medicine at first, so you’re a bit behind schedule in taking your studies and will be graduating late. You changed your degree path when you volunteered in the pediatric oncology service at the medical school, sitting with young kids undergoing chemotherapy and making their days brighter. Your last roommate had a cat that always hid your keys, but you still liked him anyways. How your favorite color is yellow.

He tells you about Sarah. About how her mom left not long after she was born and how he’s gone at this parenting thing alone, save for the support of his brother, Tommy. He tells you about how only finished a semester in community college before dropping out to pursue construction. His favorite drink is whiskey, neat, and his favorite color is red.

One day, you’re not at the table when he lets himself into the house with the key your dad made for him. He finds he’s disappointed, not starting his day with your smile.

Upstairs, he’s working on laying the mud for the shower pan when he hears a splash from outside. He peeks out the window of the bedroom that overlooks the backyard.

His mouth goes dry and his pants get uncomfortably tight as he watches you lift yourself from the pool. You’ve got on the skimpiest red bikini he’s ever seen, the top barely containing your tits and doing nothing to hide the hard peaks of your nipples. You wring your hair out over your shoulder before moving to lay down on a nearby lounger. Your body glistens with drops of water that Joel wants to chase with his tongue.

You turn over on your stomach and Joel bites back a groan, greedily committing the view of your ass to memory. Jesus Christ, he’s never felt like a dirty old man more than in this moment.

He returns to his task and tries to chase his lustful thoughts away with manual labor.

_______

You can see him watching you from the window. Your sunglasses keep your own gaze hidden as you revel in the undivided attention of the man you’d been drooling over the last few weeks. You’d put on your tiniest bikini for the occasion, laying yourself out on the lounge like a meal you’d like him to dig into.

He stood there for a few minutes and you could practically hear his teeth cracking from how tense his jaw was. You could tell Joel really struggled with his attraction to you. He’s staring down the barrel of a fifteen year age gap, after all.

You didn’t see an issue with it. You’re an adult, he’s not abusing any sort of position of power, hell, all the man has done is check you out. He hasn’t even touched you. You don’t want him to feel guilty about being attracted to you because god knows you don’t feel guilty for wanting to climb him like a tree.

You don’t bother with a towel or changing when you go upstairs to tell Joel lunch is ready. When he sees you in the doorway he freezes, and you bite back at a laugh at the look of surprise on his face.

“Lunch is ready,” you tell him.

He clears his throat. “I uh…I think I’ll just eat a protein bar. Thank you, though.”

Your bottom lip pops out in a pout. “But I made pasta salad.”

“I got a lot to do,” he tries again. His jaw keeps clenching, his hand wrapping tightly around the tool he’s holding like he’s hoping it’ll anchor him in place.

“Please, Joel?”

That gets him. He sighs, standing with a groan.

“Fine.”

________

This was a bad idea. He should have held strong and insisted he’d eat by himself today.

You’re still in that goddamn bikini and he is fighting for his life sitting at the table as he watches you plate up pasta salad. Usually you would drink a Coke with lunch but today he’s surprised to see you pouring a glass of wine.

“It’s my day off from studying,” you say as you take your seat across from him, sipping from the glass. “I think I deserve a little treat. Don’t you?”

He has to be imagining the double meaning of your words. He gives you a tight nod in response before focusing all his energy in eating his pasta and avoiding your gaze.

“You okay, Joel?” you ask. Your sweet face is pinched in concern and goddamnit, Joel can’t take this.

“Fine,” he grunts. You give him another pout, the same one that broke his resolve upstairs.

You finish before him, sticking your bowl in the sink before picking up your wine glass from the table and refilling it. Instead of taking a seat, you lean your barely clothed hip against the table in front of him.

“You seem tense,” you comment. Joel swallows roughly, throat dry. You set your glass down and take a step closer.

“What are you doin’?” He asks, voice rough and low. He can barely breathe. This can’t possibly be happening.

You plant your hands on his shoulders for balance as you slide onto his lap, legs on either side of his waist and pussy dragging across his hard cock. He hisses, hands grabbing onto your waist before he can stop himself.

“You can’t be doin’ this,” he says, voice strained. “We can’t be doin’ this.”

“Why not? I see the way you look at me. I’ve been lookin’ the same way.”

“You’re young, baby. Too young for an old man like me.”

You loop your arms around his neck, pressing your chest to his and fuck, he can feel your tight little nipples as your tits press against him. “‘M not too young,” you murmur, dipping your head to mouth at his neck. His fingers flex against your ribs. “You’re not doin’ anything wrong, Joel.”

His head drops back as you keep pressing sweet little kisses to the stubbled skin. His hips flex beneath you and you gasp, arms tightening around him.

Joel is so fucked. So, so fucked. Has been from the moment he stepped into this goddamn house and saw you sitting at this very table.

Maybe…maybe just one time. One time should be enough, get it out of your systems, cut through the tension and move on.

You’re whimpering against his neck, squirming over his lap as his hands drag up your waist until his fingers find the edge of one of the pathetic triangles covering your breasts. He can feel your breath hitch as he pulls it to the side, exposing your tight little nipple to the cold air.

“God, baby,” he groans, dipping his head forward to wrap his lips around the little bud. You moan so loud and wanton as he licks you that he knows he’s fucking done for.

He digs his fingers into your still damp hair, tugging your head back so that he can finally drag your mouth to his. You taste like wine and sunshine and he’s never been much of a wine guy, but from your tongue he’ll taste anything.

You open up to him so sweetly, your hands clutching his shoulders and your hips moving against his painfully hard cock as he devours you, dragging his own hands over all that exposed skin like it’ll disappear if he doesn’t touch you everywhere at least once.

It’s still not nearly enough.

He stands and you squeak in surprise as he sits you on the edge of the table. “Holy shit,” you mutter. He glances at your face to make sure you’re okay.

Your hair is messy from his hands and lips swollen from his kisses, eyes wide and dark as you stare back at him. Your top is half off, and Joel can’t help but reach out and tug the other cup down to expose your other breast.

“Pretty as a goddamn picture, darlin’,” he murmurs. He presses a hand to your chest, urging you to lie back.

“You think I’m pretty?” You ask. He huffs a laugh.

“Don’t be a brat, fishin’ for compliments,” he admonishes. He plucks at the strings holding those little bottoms in place, the bows falling loose so that he can push the material aside. “Look at this pretty fuckin’ pussy. You’re drenched, baby.”

“Been like this every day,” you reply, voice all breathy as you squirm beneath his rapt attention.

“That right?” He asks, dragging his thumb through your wet folds. You moan, hips jumping from the table. He kneels, placing one arm around over your hips as he presses your legs apart with his free hand, spreading you for him.

You’re breathing so fast he’s almost worried you might pass out. “Shhh, pretty thing, let me take care of you.”

He licks a broad stripe over your core, his tongue swirling around your aching clit before dipping back down to your entrance. You fight against his hold, hips trying in vain to chase his mouth.

“Oh, god,” you cry out. Your hands find their way to his head, fingers scratching against his scalp as he feasts on your cunt. “Joel, more, please!”

He keeps his arm tight against you and uses his other hand to slip one finger into your wet heat, groaning at how tight you are. His tongue focuses on your clit while he slowly strokes his finger in and out, adding a second then a third when you start babbling about more more more.

“Fuck me, Joel, please,” you beg. He shakes his head against your cunt, the scrape of his beard against your sensitive flesh making you scream. “Please!”

He stands, continuing to stroke his fingers inside you as he uses his thumb on your clit to replace his tongue. “I don’t have a condom with me.”

“I’m clean, I’m on the pill, please, Joel, I need your cock so bad,” you plead. Joel groans. He’s already crossed a line but he can’t go there. He knows damn well that if he feels you clenching around him with nothing between your bodies, screaming his name as he pounds inside of you, he won’t ever leave.

“No, sweetheart, you’re going to come on my hand and my mouth or you’re not going to come at all,” he snaps, hand moving faster, curling against your front wall.

_______

Tears slip from the corners of your eyes as Joel continues to drive you higher and higher toward release, your muscles tightening painfully as his fingers curl inside you and his thumb circles your clit.

You don’t know what you expected from all this, but Joel Miller dirty talking and finger fucking you on your kitchen table was not on your deduction bingo card. He’s better than anything your brain has conjured up thus far and you just know this one time isn’t going to be enough to sate you, especially since he keeps calling you “good girl” and “darlin’” and “sweetheart” in his rough southern accent.

You want him to fuck you so bad, you’re desperate for it. But he’s staunchly refusing to cross that line despite the hundreds that have been crossed already.

You try to hold back your orgasm, not wanting this to end, but it crashes over you anyways, leaving you breathless and sobbing his name as his hand slows its pace.

Joel’s fingers slip from your body and he leans forward, pressing them to your lips. You open your mouth, licking and sucking at his offering.

“Goddamnit,” he groans. “That was gorgeous.”

You sit up, supporting yourself on shaky arms. He steps back, but you hook a leg around his waist to stop him.

“Wait, let me—“

“No, baby, I’m good,” he says, cutting you off and dodging your hands. “I gotta get back to work.”

You can feel your high leave you in an instant. “Oh…okay.”

“Thank you for…lunch,” he says awkwardly. “I’ll be upstairs. If you need me.”

You don’t say anything as he turns to leave.

————

Upstairs in the bathroom, the one not being remodeled that he presumes is yours due to the messy countertop and fluffy yellow towels, Joel takes his cock from his pants and fists his length, grip almost painful as payment for his transgressions.

He cums with the thought of your eyes screwed shut in ecstasy, shouting his name as you clenched around his fingers. Your name is on his lips in the softest whisper he can manage as he cums, hard and hot, into a tissue.

He slumps against the wall, breathless. And while he may have come faster than a teenager, he doesn’t feel an ounce of relief.

Fuck.

#joel x female reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fic #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel is daddy #age difference #no minors allowed #no outbreak #tlou

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so-many-ocs · 3 months ago

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fifty creative writing warmups

1. search for lists of writing prompts, select one at random, and write from it for 15 minutes. the goal should be to write as much as possible, rather than trying to write something “good.”

2. read or watch a scene from a book/film/show/etc. and then rewrite it from memory.

3. choose one of the five senses (sight, smell, touch, taste, sound) and write a brief scene focusing primarily on that sense.

4. write an interview as if it were occurring between yourself and a character you’re writing about.

5. rewrite something you wrote a long time ago.

6. shuffle your favorite music and write something based on the first song that plays.

7. choose a scene from your least favorite book and try to rewrite it in a way that you like. pay attention to the changes you make and why, in your opinion, they improve the scene.

8. choose an object in the same room as you and write as much as possible about that object: descriptions, history, personification, etc.

9. choose an author whose style you like and read one of their works for about twenty minutes before sitting down to write.

10. write a short scene with no adverbs (words ending in -ly such as quickly, hastily, quietly, dimly, etc.)

11. reread a scene from a book you like and write down what you think the author did well: characterization, use of literary devices, foreshadowing, dialogue, etc. then write down the characters, goals/motives, and conflicts of the scene.

12. go outside or look out a window and simply write what you see.

13. write a scene with no dialogue.

14. write a scene with only dialogue.

15. choose a scene from your current work in progress and rewrite it from a different character’s point of view.

16. without editing, reread the last couple of scenes you wrote.

17. describe a room where you live.

18. learn a new word and try writing a few different sentences that each use that word.

19. reread something you’ve written out loud. pay attention to things like sentence flow.

20. write an alternate ending for a piece of media you’ve enjoyed recently.

21. write a short story based on a side character in a piece of media you’ve enjoyed recently.

22. rewrite a classic fairytale, but find a way to turn it on its head.

23. go to a random word generator and write a quick scene based on the first word that comes up.

24. describe your day as if it were the first chapter of a book.

25. choose a book from your shelf. find the fifth word on the fifth page and write something based on that.

26. go for a walk. or, if you can’t do that, try to find a way to move your body around.

27. choose an emotion and write a scene where that emotion is the central focus.

28. rewrite a scene you’ve already written, but switch the perspective—so, if your story uses first person present tense (I, me, my, mine), try third person past tense (they, them, their, theirs), or second person present tense (you, your, yours).

29. rewrite an important scene in your work in progress from the point of view of a complete outsider with no stake in the plot.

30. read three pages of a random book, making note of the author’s style, and then try to write a page in that author’s writing style.

31. write a news article about one of your characters. what is the headline? what is the article about?

32. in public, transcribe a conversation happening near you.

33. write a short dialogue exchange, then choose an emotion to highlight and rewrite the dialogue with that emotion in mind.

34. choose an object near you and describe it three times. each time, try to capture a different emotion or vibe.

35. if you’re within earshot of a conversation, write down 2-4 lines of that conversation and then continue it by making up your own dialogue.

36. write brief, 1-2 sentence descriptions of people you see in passing.

37. pick something you love and write about it as if you hate it.

38. pick something you hate and write about it as if you love it.

39. read something you wouldn’t normally read: an author, genre, style, medium, or subject matter you’d usually avoid.

40. write a goodbye scene between two people three times to capture different emotions: somber, cheerful, angry.

41. find a random photograph online of a person or place and write a story about it. what is the history behind the image? how did the picture wind up being taken—why?

42. find a random image online and write 1,000 words describing it.

43. watch a scene in a tv show or movie and try to adapt it into a written format.

44. read a few pages of a book about writing.

45. describe your main character’s home.

46. describe a day in your main character’s life.

47. set a timer for five minutes and list as many words as you can think of.

48. write a page of pure stream of consciousness. put down anything that comes to mind.

49. write a page describing the appearance of a side character.

50. choose one of your characters and create a new character based on them. for every trait your character has, this new character will have its total opposite—so, generous → selfish, cowardly → bold, short → tall, etc.

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psst check out radio apocalypse

#🌿 writing #writing advice #writing tips #writing exercises #writeblr #writerblr #writing warmups #writing warm up

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devilmen-collector · 6 months ago

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Origin of the names of the angels

Since I have done a post on the origin of the names of the seven kingdoms of Hell, may as well do the origin of the names of the angels.

Warning, this post contains religious content. If you are not comfortable, please ignore this.

Now let's go on with our trivia post

Seraphim

Now I just want to make a distinction. The Seraphim irl are called "the Archangels", but that doesn't mean they belong to the rank of archangel, the second-to-lowest rank, it only means they are the leaders and chieftains of all the angels, including other Seraphim.

Also, Michael, Gabriel and Raphael are the only named angels in the Bible.

Michael

"Michael" means "Who is like unto God?" in Hebrew. In the Bible, Michael is described as "the great prince, who standeth for the children of thy people" (Daniel 12:1), the angel who disputed with the devil over the remains of Moses (Epistle of St. Jude verse 9), the leader of the heavenly army fighting against the dragon (Revelation 12:7).

In the Christian tradition, Michael is the leader of God's army fighting against Satan, helper of the faithful Christians at the moment of death, champion of God's people, protector of the Jews under of the Old Testament, and of God's Holy Church. He is also the patron of many chivalric order of knights.

Michael, having led the battle against Lucifer, is the greatest of all angels, no angel could surpass him in honor and glory.

The feast day of St. Michael in Western Christianity is held on September 29, commemorating the dedication of first church built in his honor in Western Europe. In Eastern Christianity, St. Michael and all angels have their commom feast day on the 8th of November.

Gabriel

"Gabriel" means "strength of God". In the Bible, he appears as the messenger of God who delivers messages of utmost importance: he tells the Prophet Daniel two prophecies concerning the successive empires and the time elapsing before the coming of Christ (Daniel chapter 8 & 9), he appears before Zachary and foretells that his son will be the Precursor of the Lord (Luke 1:5-25), and most importantly Gabriel announces to the Virgin Mary the Incarnation of the God the Son and that she is going to become the Mother of God (Luke 1:26-38). According to tradition, Gabriel was also the angel who appeared in St. Joseph's dream (Matthew 1:18-25; 2: 13-23), and also the angel who consoled Jesus (Luke 22:43). Thus, Gabriel is the Archangel of Incarnation and Consolation.

Some traditions have Gabriel as the angel of mercy while Michael is the angel of justice. Some others have it vice versa.

St. Gabriel's feast day, according to an old tradition, is on the 24th of March, the day before the feast of Annunciation.

Raphael

"Raphael" means "God has healed". The third Archangel appears only in the book of Tobit, in which he helps the young Tobias during his journey, ultimately aiding the young man heal his father's blindness and helping him find a good spouse. Therefore, Raphael is invoked as the angel of Healing and the Patron of finding a good partner for marriage.

Raphael was also the angel who revealed that there are seven Archangels. "For I am the angel Raphael, one of the seven, who stand before the Lord" (Tobit 12:15).

The feast day of St. Raphael, in old tradition, is on the 24th of October.

Cherubim

Selaphiel, Jegudiel and Barachiel

Selaphiel, Jegudiel and Barachiel aren't found in Sacred Scripture, but only in the tradition of Eastern Orthodox Church.

For these three angels, I have already made a post about it. I'll link it here for you guys.

Selaphiel, Jegudiel and Barachiel: Origin of the names

Zadkiel

Zadkiel does not appear in the Bible, although some identify him as the unnamed Angel of the Lord who prevents Abraham from sacrificing his son during the time that God tested Abraham (Genesis 22:1-18). It's the reason why if a church (usually an Anglican church) does depict Zadkiel in its iconography, he's depicted as holding a dagger, for Abraham intended to use a dagger to sacrifice his son.

We will skip over Thrones (or Ophanim), Dominions, Virtues and Powers because there is currently no angel of those choirs in-game yet.

Principalities

Michelleel

"Michelleel" is a name that PrettyBusy completely made up themselves. No angel is known with the name Micheleel. Micheleel is the combination of Michael written in another way "Michelle" and the suffix "el", which means "God".

Archangels

Rashiel, Armisael and Zeruel

Just like with Michelleel, these three Archangels have made up names by PrettyBusy.

Angels

Samael

"Samael" means "Venom/Poison of God". He exists only in Judaism's Talmudic lore. Sometimes he is considered a fallen angel, with some people think he's Satan, while other times he is considered the angel with destructive duties.

#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#what in “hell” is bad?#whb angels #whb michael #whb gabriel #whb raphael #whb selaphiel #whb jegudiel #whb barachiel #whb michelleel #whb leamas #whb trivia

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friendofcars · 11 months ago

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Hello! Here is data on point of view distribution across characters in The Dreamer Trilogy (which I will abbreviate as TD3) as a follow up to my TRC data from last year (viewable here). A rather long-winded discussion of the data, methods notes, and some supplemental figures and tables are under the cut. As it was not possible to include all values and stats in this post (nor in the alt text for image IDs), my spreadsheet can be viewed by clicking here,

This project quantifies and visualizes the distribution of chapters and pages in the books of TD3 across characters from whose POVs the story is told. I didn’t have much of a hypothesis going into data collection/analysis, especially not like I did for the TRC data, but I did expect to see Ronan’s POV having the most chapters and pages for the entire series, given the fact that he is the most central of the protagonists. I don’t think page time is the be-all-end-all for a character’s importance, of course, but it is still interesting to consider how spending more time from certain perspectives affects the perceived narrative. I won’t get much into that aspect of analysis in this post, but if anybody would actually like to discuss that, I’d love to!

Results (and Interpretation):

TD3 consists of 173 chapters and 1184 pages (using the U.S. hardcover editions), making the average chapter 6.84 pages. The longest chapter is 16 pages, and the shortest is 1 page.

Figure 1A: The average chapter in Mister Impossible (MI) is considerably longer (9.26 pages) than the average chapter in Call Down the Hawk (CDTH) (6.00 pages) and in Greywaren (GW) (6.40 pages), which makes sense as MI has just 38 chapters while CDTH has 80 and GW has 55 (see Fig. 2). To me, the effect of the longer chapters (and therefore extended time with the current POV character) makes the various POVs feel more temporally distant from one another- not in a narratively incoherent way, but in a way that echoes the sense of isolation experienced by dreamers and weaponized by Bryde as he tries to convince Ronan and Hennessy to abandon their loved ones.

Figure 1B: Chapter length is fairly consistent amongst POVs across the series. Matthew has the longest average chapter length (8.40 page) over a small set of chapters (5 total)- his character development (as told from his own POV) is limited to a small number of instances, which may have stretched his chapters a bit longer. The 'Other' category has the shortest average chapter length (5.13 pages) (Fig. 1B); it includes the typically short chapters from witnesses of Visionary explosions/aftermath (Mags, Dabney) as well as Nathan's manifesto excerpts. (As a side note, I've described the chapters depicting memories from the Barns as 'Mór and Niall.' These chapters do not collectively portray an equal balance of their POVs, but this was the simplest way to categorize them.)

Figure 2A-B: These graphs are representations of chapter distribution across POVs in TD3 in terms of chapter count (2A) and proportion of total chapters (2B). Some observed trends include Declan's proportion of total chapters remaining quite constant throughout the series, Ronan's decreasing, Hennessy's proportion of chapters nearly doubling from CDTH to MI (and staying at a similar proportion to MI in GW), and Jordan's proportion following an opposite trend (consistent proportion in CDTH and MI, followed by a more than 50% drop in GW). Carmen's proportion of chapters also declines after CDTH.

Figure 2C: This graph compares total chapters per character POV over the entire series. We can see that the largest proportion of the series is told from Ronan's POV (53 chapters, or 0.306 of all chapters). To put that in perspective, Hennessy has the next highest number of chapters (26, or 0.150 of all chapters), which is just under half the number of Ronan's. If all characters had an equal number of chapters from their POV (including the miscellaneous POVs as one category labeled Other), they would each have 21.6 chapters, represented by the horizontal dashed line; Declan, Jordan, Carmen, and Hennessy all have chapter counts relatively close to this number.

Figure 2D-E: These are representations of page distribution across POVs in TD3 in terms of page count (2D) and proportion of total pages (2E). Trends are similar to those depicted in 2A-B, but 2E does make Declan's increased proportion of page time in GW salient.

Figure 2F: This graph compares total pages per character POV over the entire series. The dashed line shows that if each character (plus the Other category) had equal page time in the series, readers would spend 148 pages with each POV. Again, page data is similar to chapter data, but comparing graphs 2C and 2F gives a clear visual indicator that Jordan's chapters (on average, 8.11 pages) are longer than Carmen's (on average, 6.08 pages), since Carmen has visibly more chapters in 2C yet nearly the same number of pages as Jordan in 2F.

Figure 3: Figure 3 shows distribution of chapters (3A-B) and pages (3C-D) in CDTH, as well as average chapter length for each character POV (3E). An equal distribution of chapters would have been 13.3 per character, and an equal distribution of pages would have been 80.0 per character. The 'Other' category included chapters from the perspectives of Lock, Breck Myrtle, Shawna Wells, Jason Morgenthaler (and Lin Draper, briefly, in the same chapter), Mags Harmonhouse, and Dabney Pitts. Carmen's average chapter length in CDTH (4.67 pages) is the lowest single-book average for character POVs appearing throughout the entire series. (Nathan's average chapter length is just 1.00 [Supplemental Figure 2], yet his POV only appears in GW via his manifesto excerpts, and while I have attributed these chapters to his POV, I interpret the POV as actually ambiguous. As with Kavinsky's text in TDT, it's not absolutely certain if we are reading from the writer or the reader's perspective [although in TDT, due to the lack of Kavinsky POV elsewhere, it's probably the latter]).

Figure 4: Figure 4 shows distribution of chapters (4A-B) and pages (4C-D) in MI, as well as average chapter length for each character POV (4E). An equal distribution of chapters would have been 5.43 per character, and an equal distribution of pages would have been 50.3 per character. The 'Other' category included two chapters, both with what I deemed omniscient narration. Declan had the shortest chapters in MI (8.20 pages), and Jordan had the longest (11.4 pages, the longest average for a character for a single book in this series).

Figure 5: Figure 5 shows distribution of chapters (4A-B) and pages (4C-D) in GW, as well as average chapter length for each character POV (4E). An equal distribution of chapters would have been 6.88 per character, and an equal distribution of pages would have been 44.0 per character. The 'Other' category included Nathan's manifesto excerpts (3 chapters), 1 chapter from Liliana's POV, and 3 other chapters with omniscient narration. While Ronan never has the longest chapters, his chapters are shorter relative to other POVs in Greywaren, perhaps as a result of the way his chapters are written during his time asleep/in the sweetmetal sea. I have not yet investigated whether chapters tend to be longer while characters are awake vs asleep or dreaming, but that's something that could be measured from the existing data in the spreadsheet! There is also a dramatic drop in Jordan's POV time in GW compared to the previous two books, perhaps because of her increased divergence from Hennessy and desire to establish a life that follows her own narrative.

Other findings: A major difference I noted between TRC and TD3 was the lack of split chapters in TD3. In TRC, the data analysis was made slightly complicated by having to account for the fact that a non-negligible number of chapters would make a distinct and discrete switch between POVs partway through. While I did not observe this in TD3, I did encounter more ambiguous/nebulous POVs as I previously mentioned. The increased presence of omniscience in the trilogy, for me, contributed to the increased sense of scale and stakes compared to TRC. This increased continuity amongst POV (not amongst core/recurring POV characters, but amongst groups of characters/communities depicted in the omnisciently narrated chapters) also contributed to a sense of dissolution of barriers and identities, perhaps thematically in line with Ronan's character development and increasingly holistic perspective of both his humanity and otherworldliness (although Ronan is not necessarily featured in these 'boundary-breaking' chapters). I also briefly looked at occurrences of back-to-back chapters from the same POV; this happens most frequently for Ronan in all three books, mainly in CDTH, and sometimes featuring a dreaming chapter directly before an awake chapter (or vice versa) in immediate succession. Declan (MI), Carmen (CDTH), and Jordan (CDTH) all have a pair of back-to-back chapters at some point in the series; Hennessy has 2 (MI, GW).

Conclusions: In all honesty, despite this project being quite fun and fulfilling and of course, worth doing, I do not think I have any particularly insightful conclusions about the data beyond what I've already discussed. Ronan took up the largest share of the chapters and pages as expected, although I am not sure I expected this to be true by such a large margin. I also was surprised that Declan did not have more chapter/page time, but it is possible that his notable inclusion in chapters from other characters' POVs increases his prominence in the series (and I suppose this is probably true for all characters who frequently appear in chapters outside their perspective). As with TRC, the number of POVs expands as the series develops, often with the effect of increasing the scope of the story's implications, and perhaps, more importantly, showing the story from additional angles that contextualize and/or distort narrative established by other characters' perspectives. I hope you've enjoyed exploring the data as I have, and those interested in my methodology may continue reading below!

Methods:

Data collection was straightforward in the sense that I simply counted the pages in each chapter and then assigned each chapter to a character based on the POV represented. The POV character assignment was more difficult than it was for TRC, as TD3 has more omnisciently narrated chapters, which in itself is easy to categorize, but they often zoom in on or are 'biased' towards the experience of a particular character, so I had to make some decisions as to what, for me, constituted sufficient focus on a character’s internal narration and expression vs. omniscience. In the spreadsheet, I took notes on these more subjectively driven decisions. Again, you can view it here! It also contains data on whether the chapter is from an awake or dreaming POV, and has the first lines of each chapter, among which are some fun repeating patterns.

For bar graphs with dots, each dot represents a single chapter. You may also notice that the graphs are missing p-values from statistical tests this time around! This is because, since completing the TRC data, I’ve realized that such measures of uncertainty re: significant differences are not appropriate for my dataset, which is not a sample representing a population, but rather a complete group of chapters (so parametric tests are not necessarily helpful or valid). However, I still like to run the tests for my own amusement and to see what the results would be if this were a dataset for which ANOVA and contingency tests were appropriate, so I have standard deviation bars on the graphs where calculable (but no standard deviations in the text of the results section for legibility) as well as the p-values in tables at the end of this post for anyone also curious. I did still calculate the numbers of chapters and pages that would represent an equal distribution across POV characters, which are represented by the dashed lines on the relevant figures. I think this is helpful to visually gauge 'over-representation' and 'under-representation' of character POVs.

Below are the supplemental figures showing all character POVs rather than lumping some together in an 'other' category. The MI data in figure 4 is not expanded below because the chapters designated as 'other' were omniscient and thus would have remained in the same category.

And finally, here are the omitted p-values, if you'd like to pretend along with me that all the chapters in TD3 are not a complete set but rather a representative sample of a greater population of chapters that's out there in the universe. :) When I give a p-value below the 0.05 threshold but still write 'no significant differences amongst any combination of characters, I mean that the p-values generated for the comparisons between each possible pair of characters were all above 0.05, which are distinct from the overall p-value generated from the ANOVA.

#the dreamer trilogy #call down the hawk #mister impossible #greywaren #ronan lynch #declan lynch #jordan hennessy #carmen farooq-lane #long post #rchl #now onto more qualitative/linguistic things! xoxo

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snowdice · 2 months ago

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Big Bang Editing Story [Day 122]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story years ago, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag ‘proofread stories.’ I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54

Not going to do much this morning because I only have an hour or so. I may do more later today however.

Chapter 55 (Logan)

Virgil was beginning to be able to read some of the common instructions in magic books, but Logan still made sure to read out the instructions to him at least twice before setting him loose. He’d started to jot down notes to himself about things, though these notes were not words, but various symbols that only made sense to the boy himself.

Logan had asked about their meaning at one point and received an answer that, while earnest, was unintelligible. The symbols were mostly just pictures of things to represent certain steps in spell casting, but they were filtered through Virgil’s rudimentary penmanship and often bizarre perception of the world.

Though, despite the fact that Logan could not often decipher his chicken scratch, it did seem to help him produce more and more quality charms even as Logan began to introduce more complicated processes to make them. He was a very good student even if he didn’t have the best foundation for learning.

“I add lavender for the next step, right?” Virgil asked, his finger on a word in Logan’s magic book.

“That is correct,” Logan confirmed.

Virgil looked back at the book and mouthed the word ‘lavender’ to himself before turning back to his potion. He grabbed a few sprigs of lavender and threw them into the cauldron.

The liquid popped and bubbled violently, but Virgil didn’t flinch as he once would have, prepared for it now.

After the lavender, Logan knew that it would have to simmer for 5 minutes. Virgil looked down at the boiling liquid, contemplating it for a long moment.

“Can I soak a knife in it?” he asked.

“What?” Logan asked.

“Can I soak a knife in the potion once it’s done?”

“In that potion?” Logan clarified. “In the emergency hand warmer potion?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I think a hot knife would be useful,” Virgil said.

“For what?”

Virgil shrugged. “Cooking food on the road,” he said, “burning wood, stabbing someone and immediately cauterizing the wound.”

“That is… not a standard use for this potion,” Logan said.

Virgil titled his head at him. “Would it work though?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Logan contemplated. “Perhaps. The potion can cause burns if one uses too much of it or if it is used without an appropriate layer between it and the skin. If one were to pick a knife with enough surface area and let it soak long enough, it could in theory get hot enough to do as desired. Hmm…” he thought about it. “There would perhaps be the problem of the potion not sticking to the knife very long as it is intended to soak into fabric. However, cardamom could solve that issue as long as it doesn’t interact with any other ingredients. Let me see that spell.”

Virgil stepped out of his way so he could study the page. “Yes,” Logan said after scanning through all of the ingredients. “I think cardamom would work for something like that. Let me go find some.”

He turned to walk towards where he kept his supplies of potion ingredients. Virgil followed on his heals.

“Can we use a serrated knife?”

“Oh, that’s a good idea, Virgil,” Logan said, nodding as he searched through the cupboard that should hold the coriander. “The knife being serrated would help keep the potion stuck to the blade after many uses and would increase the surface area.”

“That was certainly my intention,” Virgil said smoothly. There was something odd about the tone that had Logan turning and blinking at him. Virgil just smiled at him innocently and Logan turned back to the cabinet finally locating the cardamom.

“So how are we going to use that?” Virgil asked.

“We’ll put it in right before the last step and let it sit for about 3 minutes,” Logan said. “If it doesn’t quite work, we may need to make another batch. There are options other than cardamom, but that’s the first idea that comes to mind and it’s a lot simpler if it works.”

He continued to speak of the many other options they could try as they returned to the caldron as well as how they could test the hot knife. It was already about time for the next step and Virgil did it without interrupting Logan’s rant.

Virgil listened to his suggestions with interest all while still making sure the potion he was making was progressing well.

Logan did eventually take over to finish the potion with the revised steps he’d come up with and they ended up with a potion that looked perfect except it was a few shades darker than the one they’d originally been planning to make.

“Well, it looks good,” Logan declared. “We will need to acquire a knife to test its effectiveness, however.”

“There are a few good ones in the kitchen,” Virgil pointed out. “I especially like the one 10 inch one with the black and white handle.”

“You have been eyeing up the kitchen knives?” Logan asked.

Virgil rolled his eyes as though that was not a perfectly reasonable question to ask him. “We should steal that one,” Virgil said.

“Do you think we’ll be able to sneak past Ms. Heart to steal a knife from her kitchen?” Logan asked.

“We can’t,” Virgil said. The ‘but I can’ was implied.

Logan almost didn’t believe him… and then he remembered the water pouch incident. “It’s the dinner rush,” Logan said. “We should probably wait for a bit.”

Virgil was shaking his head. “The dinner rush is the best time,” he said. “Everyone will be distracted, and all of the knives will be out and in prime stealing position.”

“And if Patton’s mother catches us messing around in her kitchen during her busiest time of day, she will have Father ground us for a week.”

“Then we just won’t get caught,” Virgil said.

“I’m not sure if it’s that simple,” Logan said with a frown.

“You can stay here if you want,” Virgil offered. “I’ll just go by myself.”

“No, I’ll come too,” Logan relented, though he did still have some reservations about the idea.

He let Virgil lead him towards the main dining hall. By now, Virgil knew the kitchens and dining hall very well.

“Stay here,” he said. They were in a hallway a few feet down from the staff entrance to the main kitchen. “I’m going to do some reconnaissance.”

“What type of reconnaissance?” Logan asked, but Virgil had already vanished before his very eyes. With a blink, Logan looked up and saw a dark figure disappear onto a balcony overhead.

Well, Logan really had no choice but to wait there for him. It wasn’t like he could follow him. He could hear the clatter of silverware on plates from the dining hall down the corridor as he impatiently waited. It only took Virgil a bit over five minutes to return. He dropped suddenly from above and landed in front of Logan in a crouch.

“Well?” Logan asked, letting a bit of irritation into his tone so Virgil knew he was displeased. Virgil did not seem to care.

“Got it,” Virgil said with a wide grin, brandishing a large kitchen knife.

Logan flinched back at the unexpected sight of a weapon.

“You said you were doing reconnaissance!” he sputtered. “Not…” he trailed off remembering that while they weren’t in eyesight of anyone right now, they could be in earshot of someone. He lowered his tone, “stealing the knife already.”

“I was doing reconnaissance,” Virgil said with a shrug, “and then I used the information gathered by that reconnaissance to steal a knife.”

Logan narrowed his eyes at him.

Virgil just smiled. “You would have gotten in my way.”

“I would not have,” Logan insisted.

“How many times has Patton’s mom caught you stealing food from the kitchens in the past?” he asked.

Logan pursed his lips. “That is Patton’s doing,” he said.

“Sure,” Virgil said with an eyeroll. “I’ll have you prove it some other day, but for now,” he twirled the knife around in a way that made Logan cringe even though he did seem to have an expert handle over it. “We have a knife.”

“Right,” Logan agreed with a nod. “We should continue the experiment.”

Virgil stored the knife away… somewhere on his person, and they snuck back to Logan’s rooms.

When Virgil handed over the knife, Logan did have to admit it was a perfect specimen for their project: long and saw-like with a heatproof handle.

Logan carefully set it in a shallow dish and proceeded to pour the potion they’d made onto it. They let it sit for a little under half an hour before carefully pulling it out of the concoction with tongs and letting it airdry. Meanwhile, Virgil suggested they set up a testing area with various old sheets and clothing. They’d even found and decorated an armor stand with an old suit that Logan particularly disliked.

“Well,” Logan said once he’d tapped the handle and had not gotten burned by the potion. “I think we can test it now.” For safety, he made Virgil put on thick heatproof gloves before handing him the knife.

“So how do I make it work?” Virgil asked.

“The original potion works through light friction,” Logan said.

“So just start stabbing things?”

Logan went to respond, but before he could, Virgil had already twisted around and sliced through one of the sheets hanging in Logan’s potion room. There was a sizzling noise as the knife cut through the sheet like it was tissue paper leaving two aflame halves flapping about.

Logan leapt forward to tear the pieces of sheet down and the two of them stomped on the flames to put out the fire.

“It’s perfect,” Virgil said with a grin once the charred remains of the sheet were extinguished.

“It does seem to work as intended,” Logan agreed.

“Let’s do it again,” Virgil said.

“Er, well, perhaps we shouldn’t…,” Logan started, but Virgil had already set his eyes on the armor stand they’d set up. That suddenly seemed like not such a good idea to Logan.

He stabbed the armor stand viciously. It went up in violent flames. Logan’s eyes widened as the blaze only seemed to get bigger as Virgil drew back the knife.

Virgil did not seem to share Logan’s worry as he turned and stabbed another piece of hanging clothing, setting it ablaze as well.

“Virgil, no! You’re going to burn the room down!” Logan yelped.

The armor stand, at that very moment, decided to fall to the ground. They had, perhaps, not set the testing area up as well as they should have because it fell directly onto one of Logan’s rugs and set that on fire as well.

“Oops,” Virgil said, eyes wide.

Above the sound of crackling fire, Logan heard a tapping on the door between his bedroom and work room. It opened slightly after a moment and Logan’s father’s voice called out as he was sticking his head into the room, “Um, what do you mean Virgil… is burning the room down!”

The moment Logan’s father fully processed the presence of the flames, he was bursting into the room. He at least remembered that there was a fire extinguishing powder stocked in Logan’s work room even though that fact had slipped Logan’s mind in the chaos. (Perhaps Logan should have thought to set it out when they were testing a fire knife, but Logan would just add that to his growing list of regrets.)

The king managed to put all of the fires out within 30 seconds of poking his head through the door, but the fire left in his eyes when he turned to look at them afterwards was perhaps more dangerous.

Virgil slowly hid the knife behind his back. It was probably a bit late for that.

“What were the two of you doing in here?” the king asked.

“Nothing,” Logan said. Virgil shot him a look that told Logan what the boy thought about his lying abilities.

Logan’s father put his hands on his hips. “‘Nothing’ set the rug on fire?”

“We may have been doing a small experiment,” Logan said.

“What experiment?” the king asked.

“…I do not wish to say.”

“Logan.”

“Virgil wanted a fire knife.”

“A what?”

Virgil frowned over at Logan. “Your resistance to interrogation techniques is deplorable.”

Father turned to look at Virgil and obviously spotted the fact that Virgil was holding something behind his back.

“Give it here,” Father said, though his tone was a bit gentler with Virgil than it had been with Logan.

Virgil debated it for a moment, but then offered over the knife with a pout on his face. Father gingerly took it and the fire-resistant gloves from him. “Where did the two of you even get this knife?”

“You can’t tell her,” Logan said.

“You stole a knife from the kitchens?!” the king asked.

“We borrowed it,” Logan said.

“Can it be used for cooking anymore?”

“…Well.”

“In the intended manner.”

“No.”

“Then you stole it.”

Logan just frowned and looked away.

“I’m going to go put this in a secure location,” Father said, grimacing at the fire knife in his hands. “No more experiments for you two for a month. I’ll sic Patton on you.”

With that, he picked up what was left of the fire extinguishing powder (just in case) and turned to exit the room.

“Well,” Logan said once he was gone. “That was irresponsible.”

“I could steal it back from him.”

“N-no don’t do that.”

“I definitely could though,” Virgil said.

“I did not hear you say that,” Logan said, putting his hands over his ears. “I am not responsible for any more of your actions in this matter. I am going to the library.”

He walked out of the room then and Virgil followed him to the upstairs library. He said nothing more about the fire knife, but Logan would be a fool to suppose he forgot about it.

Chapter 56 (Thomas)

“Good day for a picnic,” Helen commented as she handed over the basket Thomas had requested from her a few days before. He was taking Logan, Patton, and Virgil to the cliffs today and it was perfect weather for it. Spring was truly here, which meant that those of Thomas’s duties that had laid dormant over the harsh winter were about to start up again.

The world had been on pause for a bit considering no armies or agents from any kingdom could get through the snow the last few months, but the concerns of last fall were showing their heads once again.

Thomas had just gotten word a day ago that the queen of Lamir had routed out a second assassin hiding in her ranks over the winter. The assassin had been sent shortly after it was made clear that the queen wouldn’t bow down after the assassination of her mother. Luckily, the assassin sent for Queen Cecil had not managed to complete her mission during the winter months.

While there had been no similar attempt on Prijaznia soil, Thomas couldn’t help but feel it was only a matter of time now that the snow had melted. They were already working on increasing security in the coming weeks and, though it was doubtful an assassin had managed to hide in the castle all winter without revealing themselves, they’d be closely scrutinizing all of the newer staff members.

It would be a stressful time in the coming months, which is why, despite everything Thomas needed to do, he was still going to take his son and his son’s friends on a picnic today. Logan had already started taking on royal duties as of late, but he still hadn’t taken them all on quite yet. Considering this was last summer before Logan was of age, they should at least try to take advantage of it where they could. Patton was a year younger, but the sentiment held for him as well.

Then there was Virgil. Despite their best efforts, they still didn’t know enough about Virgil, but Thomas was fairly sure he’d never had a summer to enjoy until now.

“Thanks for prepping lunch for us,” Thomas said to Helen with a smile.

“No problem,” she said waving them off. “I put in some of Virgil’s favorites.”

“Great,” Thomas said. “Do you know where the kids are?”

“Patton said they were going to go pet the cats, so I’d guess they’re in the gardens.”

Thomas thanked her again and told her to have a good day before exiting the kitchen. There was a nearby door that led straight towards the part of the gardens Patton and Logan had always favored. He figured they’d either still be around there or they would have wandered towards the stables by now knowing that they’d be taking horses to the cliffs.

So, he decided to simply walk the normal path from the door to the stable, hoping to find them.

His prediction ended up being hilariously correct. They were indeed on the path Thomas had chosen. It was clear they (or at least Logan) were attempting to make it to the stable. However, as was typical, a portion of the party had been waylaid by whimsy.

Logan was standing further down the path, arms crossed and frowning as he watched his friends. Patton and Virgil were surrounded by cats. Patton was sitting down, holding two of them in his lap and watching Virgil’s legs being swarmed by the rest of them, maybe two dozen in total.

Virgil looked confused, but not unhappy about the presence of so many cats. He was leaning down to try to pet them all.

Logan met Thomas’s eyes as he approached and waved a frustrated hand at the two of them. Logan couldn’t help but smile.

“Virgil fed one of them,” Logan complained as though he wanted Thomas to somehow go into the past and prevent this crime.

Patton and Virgil looked over at Thomas, noticing him when Logan addressed him.

“You’re going to make Princess Marisol jealous,” Thomas said. Logan frowned at Thomas as he used the ‘Princess’ label for the cat.

“Princess Marisol decided not to come,” Virgil said with a shrug. He continued to pet one of the cats.

“She’s probably sleeping on my pillow,” Logan said, sounding grumpy.

Thomas just chuckled. Princess Marisol was technically Logan’s cat, at least that’s what the kids said, and she did spend much of her time in the royal rooms. However, she was very clearly actually Virgil’s cat. Virgil just spent a lot of time in the royal wing as well.

In fact, Thomas still didn’t know where Virgil was supposed to be sleeping. He and Mr. Deknis had actually tried to tail him a couple of times, but he always ended up sleeping in Logan’s room those nights.

Knowing Virgil, he might just sleep in the walls. Though that still did not answer the question of where his parents or guardians were. They still had not figured it out. Thomas would assume he was an orphan who’d snuck onto castle grounds for safety, but Virgil had told Mr. Deknis during their first meeting that he was supposed to be in the castle, and it had not been a lie.

Then again, it had slowly become apparent that Virgil was good at dodging the multrum’s powers. It was starting to seem more likely that he’d somehow inserted a second meaning into his answer to Mr. Deknis that night than he somehow had some ghost guardian no one was able to locate working in the castle.

“She deserves the pillow more than you,” Virgil said, bringing Thomas’s thoughts back to the situation at hand. The look of audacity on Logan’s face made Thomas chuckle.

Thomas cut in before it could become a fight. “I could get Princess Marisol a pillow, so she doesn’t sleep on yours. Or we can get you a new pillow if you’d prefer, Logan.”

“It’s not about the pillow for her,” Logan argued. “It’s about her inflated sense of superiority.”

“She deserves it,” Virgil declared. Thomas could tell he was just trying to rile Logan up, and Thomas was sure Logan knew it too, but still his son reacted exactly in the way Virgil wanted him to.

“You have enabled and encouraged this behavior from the start!” Logan seethed.

“She’s a Princess.”

“She is not a princess!”

Patton shook his head while squeezing the cats in his arms, completely used to this behavior at this point. He ran a chin idly over one of the cat’s heads while watching the argument.

“We’re never going to make it to the picnic at this rate,” Thomas said to him, “and after your mother made all of this wonderful food.”

“You’re the dad,” Patton said. “Make them stop.”

And, of course, Patton did just mean that he was Logan’s dad with that statement. However, when he glanced back up at the silly argument still going on between his son and the cat covered boy on the ground, it did almost look like a fight between siblings.

Especially with the dark hair and stubborn but mischievous look in Virgil’s eyes, Thomas could almost imagine the boy being his own child.

He shook away the thoughts and glanced at the picnic basket in his hand.

“We do have a lot of food in this basket,” Thomas said, pitching his voice up so that Logan (and more importantly) Virgil would hear them clearly.

Virgil immediately turned to look at him, abandoning all interest in antagonizing Logan to look at the basket curiously.

Thomas was never sure if he should be amused or worried about how food motivated Virgil often was.

“What’s in the basket?” Virgil asked.

“I’m not sure,” Thomas said. “Patton’s mom made it. We’ll just have to see once we get to the picnic area.”

Virgil nodded in understanding and began to gently scoot all of the cats out of his lap. Logan rolled his eyes, but didn’t seem inclined to continue the argument he’d been dragged into. Virgil and Patton got to their feet and they continued on their way towards the stables.

The horses Thomas had requested be prepared for their trip were already in saddles, though the stable hand who had been handling Mr. Apples seemed a bit dirtier and more exhausted than the rest.

The stable hand seemed as happy to hand Mr. Apples over to Virgil as Virgil was to have Mr. Apples handed over to him. Thomas received Bella with a smile and Logan and Patton got their own horses as well.

The Cliffs were about half an hour's ride from the main castle. There was a mostly well-maintained path to it, though it was easy to get lost if one didn’t know the way. Mr. Apples knew the way perhaps better than Thomas himself and seemed annoyed by the fact that Thomas was trying to lead the way.

Virgil and Thomas ended up side-by-side whenever the path allowed it to placate him.

He still marveled at how willing Mr. Apples was to let Virgil ride him, especially when he tossed his head in Thomas’s direction, a horse’s equivalent of giving Thomas a stink-eye.

“Are you excited for the picnic?” Thomas asked the boy beside him.

Virgil glanced over at him and nodded.

“I am too,” Thomas said. “It’s always beautiful this time of year. I’m glad I could find the time to take you all there this year.”

“Are you very busy?” Virgil asked curiously.

“I am king,” Thomas reminded, “and now that the world isn’t snowed in anymore things will be busy.”

“With the war?” Virgil asked.

Thomas paused for a few seconds. “Yes,” he confirmed. “With the war, but you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Virgil asked.

“You’re just a kid,” Thomas said.

“I’m 14,” Virgil said.

Thomas glanced at him. “Exactly,” he said, “a kid, and luckily, you’re in a place that can afford you the luxury of being one.”

“What do you mean?”

“The war has been mainly fought on Mocnejsi soil in recent years. Our boarders have held strong against invasions. Unless something goes horribly wrong suddenly, it would take a long time for the main conflict to get here. The only real threat in the castle would be assassins sent after me personally.”

“Right,” Virgil said. There was an awkward pause in conversation before he spoke again. “You’re winning the war then?” he asked.

“Something could always happen,” Thomas said, “but for the most part, yes, we have quite the advantage right now.”

“Oh,” Virgil said.

Thomas shook his head as they were coming up to a narrowing of the path. “Anyway, today is a day to not think about war. Today we’re going to have a lovely picnic and do some bird watching.”

“Right,” Virgil agreed from behind Thomas as Bella took the lead (to Mr. Apples discontent.)

When the path widened again, Thomas did his best to direct the topic to lighter subjects and soon they made it to The Cliffs.

Chapter 57 (Virgil)

Virgil had never been to a picnic. At least, that’s what Patton had informed him when Virgil had described his past experiences of eating outdoors. Logan had agreed even though he’d admitted that the definition of “picnic” was only eating a pre-packaged meal outdoors which Virgil had done plenty of times.

From what Virgil could tell, the main difference was just how much stuff one brought to a picnic.

In addition to the basket full of food (that Virgil still hadn’t gotten to look in yet), the king had brought a large soft quilt that he had Logan and Virgil spread out on the ground for them all to sit on.

Patton and Logan had also packed some things themselves to bring along. Logan had brought along a book to read, and Patton had brought along a board game (thankfully not checkers but something Virgil did not recognize). Virgil hadn’t brought anything (except for the fire knife he was definitely not supposed to have and was definitely not letting the king see) because he hadn’t known he was supposed to bring things. He wouldn’t have known what to bring anyway.

The blanket was soft and a much better alternative to sitting on the ground, especially because, while there was grass at the top of The Cliffs, there were also a good number of rocks.

The king set the picnic basket in the middle of the blanket once it was spread out and then lowered himself down to sit on one side. Patton quickly followed him, already fiddling with some of his board game pieces, though he wasn’t setting it up yet. Virgil highly doubted that Logan was going to be allowed to read his book unless Patton eventually got bored of the game.

However, they would, hopefully, be allowed to make use of the basket the king had brought along.

Virgil followed the king and Patton’s lead and got to his knees on the blanket across the picnic basket from the king. He peered at the basket curiously.

He didn’t quite know what picnic food was, but Patton had told them they’d be getting ‘picnic food’ and he was very curious about what that meant.

King Thomas smiled at him. “Let’s see what Patton’s mom packed us, huh?” He reached for the basket and flipped it open as Logan sat next to Virgil. “There is a lot more food than usual in here,” the king said, sounding amused. “Let’s see.”

He began to pull out packaged food and glanced in each package to identify it before setting it out.

“We have a few types of mini sandwiches,” he said, putting them down, “and some pasta salad.” He set down the bowl.

“We also have… er something else.” He showed it to Logan.

“They’re hot cauliflower bites,” Logan said instantly upon seeing them. Virgil perked up in excitement. That was one of his favorite foods.

“Ah,” King Thomas said, but shrugged and set it down. “We also have two desserts apparently: cookies and mini apple pies. That last one’s a bit extra for a picnic.”

“They’re very good,” Virgil said happily.

“And we also have.” King Thomas paused, looking confused. “Chicken alfredo?”

“Yes!” Virgil said.

“Why do we have chicken alfredo for a picnic?”

“It’s a Virgil picnic,” Logan groaned. “She packed us a Virgil picnic.”

“Hey, at least momma sent us something too,” Patton said.

“I think I’ll stick to sandwiches for today,” King Thomas said. He looked at Patton and Logan. “Do either of you want…?”

“No,” Logan said. Patton shook his head.

The king nodded and offered the entire covered bowl of chicken alfredo to Virgil. “Here, this one’s yours,” he said.

“Really?” Virgil asked tentatively. It wasn’t exactly strange for people here to offer him food, and he’d expected and anticipated getting to eat on this venture, but the king of the country offering him an entire bowl of his favorite food was something else.

“It’s not really my idea of a picnic food and you seem excited for it,” King Thomas said with a warm smile, still holding it out.

Virgil took it reverently. Despite the time it had taken to get to the cliffs, the bottom of the container was still warm. Virgil assumed it was one of the heating spells the kitchen sometimes used.

“Thanks,” Virgil said, setting it in his lap.

“Of course, Virgil,” the king said.

The bowl was enough for four people to have a little bit, but for one person it was a lot. Still, Virgil was offered a little of every other food in the picnic basket (and he ate a good number of the hot cauliflower bites).

“Where do you put all of that?” the king asked when Virgil finished polishing off the chicken alfredo bowl.

Everyone else seemed to have finished eating long before Virgil, though Patton still had a small plate of grapes, and he occasionally popped one in his mouth. King Thomas was currently setting up the board game they’d brought on the blanket between all of them.

Virgil shrugged in answer to his question. “It’s good,” he said, “and I don’t want to waste any of it.”

“You know we can just take the leftovers back to the castle and eat them later,” King Thomas said. “You don’t have to eat it all now.”

Virgil just shrugged again, watching as the king set out a group of 8 figures on the board.

“Here, which character do you want to be?” the king asked Virgil, gesturing at the group of figures. Virgil had not noticed the figures were different at first glance. They were all copper colored and about the size of his thumb, but they had slightly different shapes. He squinted at them each carefully, finding they all looked like people, but with different clothing. Some worse pants and some skirts, a few had hats, and one was even carrying a book.

After a few moments, he pointed at one that looked like it had vines wrapped around its arms and was wearing a floppy hat that almost covered its eyes.

“That’s the druid,” King Thomas told him with a grin. “Good choice, and luckily not one that anyone usually fights over.” He glanced at Logan who didn’t react to his father’s gaze. He just plucked the figure clutching the book off the board for himself.

Patton and the king picked pieces for themselves. Patton picked one with an apron that kind of reminded Virgil of his mom and the king picked one that was in a suit of armor before putting the other 4 figures away.

Unlike checkers, this game wasn’t just for two people, and so no one had to sit watching people play while bored out of their mind.

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They played a practice round so Virgil could figure out how the game worked, though honestly it wasn’t that complicated, so it wasn’t really necessary.

The theme of the game was all about stealing. They were supposed to steal special tokens from other players as well as characters in the game and the first person with 20 tokens won.

The other three players argued that stealing was not the point and not the main mechanism of the game, but considering Virgil was consistently winning the entire time, he would argue they were just playing it wrong. He managed to collect 20 tokens before anyone else. In second place at this time was Logan with 9 tokens.

Logan insisted on continuing to play the game to determine 2nd and 3rd place, so Virgil ended up watching them play for a bit. Virgil didn’t mind sitting and watching other people play this game, mostly because he still had the joy of victory running in his veins.

Thomas was definitely going to lose, he noted. He kept wasting his money feeding the nonplayer characters who lived on his lands. Virgil didn’t mention this faulty strategy to him in case Virgil ever played him again.

When Logan took too long thinking about his next move, Virgil took in their surroundings.

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He’d been a bit too distracted by the prospect of food and then trying to understand (and then win) the game to truly take in The Cliffs. They were settled a good distance away from the cliffside but Virgil could still see how quickly the edge dropped off. He couldn’t see the large river he was told was at its base from where he was sitting, but he did see a few of the promised wild birds (including doves) flying around. The king had promised they’d bird watch for a bit, and Virgil figured that would happen after the game was over.

A cool spring breeze brushed across Virgil’s face, and he put his hand in his hoodie pockets to warm them. Instead, his fingers hit something icy cold.

For a moment, he didn’t remember what it was. The crescent shape of it was familiar when he put his hand over it, but he had never felt it cold before.

It was the protection charm: the first charm Virgil had ever made with Logan so many months ago. It was meant to ward off small threats as well as warn you about larger threats by changing temperature…

It had always been warm.

“What?” Patton asked, having noticed Virgil suddenly tense. Virgil, despite how he drilled into his friend’s heads to stay alert had gone soft. He’d let himself be distracted by a full belly and warm blankets and fun games.

He didn’t answer Patton. He filtered the other boy’s worried face out as well as Logan’s face as he glanced at him and the king’s still focused on the game for now. He filtered out the picnic blanket and smell of food still lingering in the air and the vine covered figure set in the middle of the board on the winner’s space. He filtered out the sound of the breeze and the breath of his companions and the distant chirping of birds.

And he heard a whoosh.

#proofread stories #not writing

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vclvetfleur · 1 year ago

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Obedient Chapter 5

roman roy x fem! reader

Summary: You and Roman decide to celebrate his small achievement at his apartment over 2 bottles of wine.

Warnings: hints at ED, crude jokes

Word Count : 3.8K

Notes: Alright I needed to be kind to you after the last chapter of the series. Also I can't believe I posted 5 chapters already.

Chapter 5: Parking Lot drop off

After Roman spent a good long while gloating in Kendall’s face, you decided it was enough. You were going to celebrate. Just like you promised him earlier. You both were going to celebrate together. Just you and him and possibly a drink. He needed this.

You both ended at his apartment. This was your first time ever seeing him apartment actually. The location was incredible though. He lived in one the skyscrapers that made up New York City's skyline in Lincoln Square. It was just a 5 minute walk away from Central Park. But something told you that Roman didn’t ever take walks around the city. Why would he? He didn’t need to.

You walked in, expecting the most from it, and were still blown away by his apartment. You walked through the front door and were visited by a long hallway with the entire right wall being a window out to the city. This hallway pretty made up your studio apartment, credit your apartment was small, only having 2 rooms, your living room/kitchen and your bathroom. But your living area was pretty large enough to fit all your stuff in it. But you weren’t ready for the rest of the apartment.

You were completely amazed by how someone could live in something like this. Someone came in and slept here every night. “I get why you never come to the office now.” You were only halfway joking.

Now the living room. That was something else to see. The couch was practically as big as a king sized bed. The walls were either some kind of fancy wood or just a window. And there was a bookshelf full of book, you doubted Roman even read before. You tried not to gawk at it too much. You couldn’t even believe he had a staircase either. There was another fucking floor.

Roman barely paid you any mind though. He just needed to get out of this suit. He pulled his suit jacket off, laying it on top of his couch, undoing his tie and throwing it right onto of his jacket. He undid his shirt a bit so he could breathe better. He was finally relaxed. Not entirely, he never was fully relaxed, but relaxed enough and comfortable enough with you here.

“Okay you can finish scanning for blind spots to rob me at night.” He scolded you, grabbing a bottle from a small cabinet he had with wines in it. He had two glasses in his hand while he settled on the couch. You joined him, kicking your shoes off, pulling your legs up as you practically curled up onto the couch. It was insanely comfortable. You grabbed a glass from him as he twisted the cork open. He poured you a glass before himself.

“Well fortunately for you, I couldn’t find any blind spots.” You took a sip of your wine, resting your head on your arm. You wouldn’t stop looking over at the view. He had such an amazing view of the city. You could practically see the top of most buildings in New York from here. “Well offer is still on the table if you wanted to live with me.” He hinted again. He wasn’t super amused by his apartment. It was just another thing to show off to people. He mainly only did it to seem better than Kendall. Once Kendall and Rava split up, Roman got this apartment because Kendall got his new apartment. He just wanted to one up him in some way. Kendall’s was 29 million, so Roman needed to get something more expensive and higher. Something with a better view. So, he settled for a 38 million dollar apartment. Right across the park from him. Kendall was on the east side while Roman was on the west side of Manhattan.

“Roman.” You exhaled. Your head fell, looking up before looking at him with your answer. It wasn’t going to happen. Ever.

“Jeez alright fuck you. I don’t wanna live with you anyways, probably would give me Gonorrhea or whatever the fuck.” His only defense was a joke.

He always tried to make jokes to cover up whenever he was serious about something. He just wanted to keep people guessing. No one took him serious anyways. Why would they?

“I’m pretty sure between the two of us, you’ve actually gotten or have Gonorrhea.” You striked back before pouring yourself another glass. You weren’t a wine person, but it wasn’t too bad. You were celebrating anyways.

“Oh ya, that must be why I’ve been bleeding out of my dick for a week. I just thought I finally hit womanhood.” He snickered behind his glass. You stared over at him, just enjoying his company.

It was nice. Calm. Nothing to stress the other one out. This was just a moment of contentment that you both shared together in this room. No pressure from work or professionalism.

“You’re a fucking idiot Rome.” You shook your head. That must’ve been the first time you ever called him that. Everyone close to him did. And by close, you meant his siblings or certain people who worked for his dad like Gerri. It caught him off guard for a bit, but he was happy to hear you call him that. It made him feel just a bit closer to you.

“Yeah… I know.” His lips allowed themselves to grow into a soft smile. His eyes were glued to you.

He didn’t care about what or who you were before he met you. Which he usually did. He never really talked to anyone he thought was below him. He had deep rooted classism heavily taught to him, and he never unlearned it, he wasn’t planning to either. But you made him kind of finally see there was no real difference.

But that’s not why he was staring. Not cause he was even thinking about the difference of class between you two. But because he thought you were one of the most gorgeous people he has ever met in his life. The way your hair fell, to the shape of your lips, to how you moved your hands when you talked quick enough. Or even just the way you talked to him. Like an equal. Someone with worth. You were harsh, but behind it, you had such a soft and caring tone to you. Everything about you made him just feel an almost, kind of obsession. You were never something he looked for, he never was really looking for anything or anyone. But here you were. In front of him. Laughing and giggling at all of his jokes and making fun of him back. Celebrating his dumb achievements with him. He wanted you. Bad. But he had so much fear of messing it up that it held him back.

“Aren’t you gonna call me a terrible assistant?” You tried to break the silence that fell onto both of you.

You didn’t mind the silence though. It wasn’t awkward. It was comforting. You didn’t need to speak to each other to fill the emptiness in the room. Despite all of the amazing artwork and other things Roman had in his apartment, they barely existed in the scheme of things. When there was just you and him either talking or not, he was the only thing even grabbing your attention. You tried to move your eyes to look at other things, but that calming effect the city and the light usually had on you was now replaced with Roman. The same calming comfort.

“No... I don’t need to. Cause you did it for me.” His laugh was so weird but so infectious. It wasn’t really like a normal laugh. Logan even once compared it to a hyena. But whenever you heard it, it made you wanna laugh along with. It was usually stifled or muffled. Or broken in between his words. Like he was so excited to tell the next joke. Or say the next thing that popped into his head.

You flipped him off, his hand smacking your hand down. His hand never left yours though once he dragged it down. You stared at him for a bit before pulling your hand away from his. It was too weird. It was too intimate for you.

You used to not be a very affectionate person, swearing off all kinds of touch from whoever. But as you had gotten older and into more relationships, you seemed to relax. Now you did enjoy affection. But sometimes that old habit came back. And right now, with the comfort, and with Roman, and the light, and the wine, it felt too intimate. Too much. You didn’t want to ruin it with Roman either. Even if you didn’t want to admit to yourself it was more about your crush on him than anything else. How could you not at this point?

The way you looked at him and the way you saw him, like actually saw him, was all it took for you to even realize it. But you were in denial about it. Like most of your crushes. You never wanted to admit that vulnerability to yourself.

And first off, you weren’t even allowed to have a crush on him. He was your boss. On every level, you were beneath him. And you didn’t want that kind of attention. So, you need to suppress these feelings as much as possible.

And second off, look at him. He wasn’t really the most conventionally attractive person you’ve met. He was odd looking, he was short, he was weird and disgusting and he wasn’t the most respectful person ever . He was rude and arrogant and selfish. He was the worst person you’ve ever met. Second. Logan had to be the first. But you saw a lot of good qualities in him. Even in his appearance. Every part of his face made sense together. It would look odd on others, but they made sense on his face. Especially when he laughed. You couldn’t explain your attraction to him. Maybe cause you didn’t think you were too different. He was good company. He made you laugh. He made you smile. And he did go out of his way to do certain things. Like getting you the dresses for the party. He knew you wouldn’t have a clue on what to wear. You didn’t even own anything expensive enough to wear at the party. But he had it covered. He was gonna make sure you were comfortable enough. It backfired though when he humiliated you. He had his moments.

“Uh- so how are you settling in now?” He asked. He wanted to know; genuinely. See. He had his moments.

“I’ve been settling in fine. I think it was difficult a bit at first with you not showing up a lot, but everyone’s been super nice. I even met your cousin the other day in the break room.” You mentioned. Roman shifted a bit. He tried to think on what cousin that worked there before he finally remembered the tall dufus who got hired merely on the bases of coming out of the vagina of his dad’s brothers nutsack. Not that he was any better. He just came from the CEO’s nutsack. Granted Logans brother use to be CEO, before Logan fucked him over and practically stole it from Ewan. “He was such a sweetheart.” You praised. A hint of jealousy kind of took over Roman once he heard the compliment leave your lips.

“Yea except for the fact he’s fucking useless. You know I think him and my sister’s husband are fucking. I see them together more than him and Shiv.” Roman began to start a rumor out of pure jealousy and envy. He knew they weren’t actually fucking. Tom was Shiv’s little lap dog. If she said sit, he would do 5 other tricks just to impress her and then sit. He was at her feet all the time. “I wouldn’t be shocked, they’re in an open marriage. I actually dated this blonde Tom fucked at his bachelor party.” He tried to brag. Your face scrunched up in disgust at the thought of dating or fucking someone else that your brother or sister in law also fucked.

“Jesus Roman.” You murmur.

“No come on. It was afterwards. It was some sex party. It’s fine” He tried to blur the lines of how fucking odd that was. He didn’t know how to back peddle his way into making this any less weird than it was. “They didn’t even technically fuck. He just came in her mouth.” He tried to reason. Somehow it was way worse.

“In that case, I don’t want to share a glass with you.” You teased.

“Oh yea?” He asked, his eyebrows raised. He grabbed your glass before licking the entire rim of it. You let out a squeal, screaming his name before he handed it back to you. “You’re so fucking gross.” You whined, getting up to get a new glass from his cabinet.

“Oh, come on, it was so long ago. I should be more worried than you. You can’t act like you haven’t had cum in your mouth before. I bet you let someone cum on your face last month.” He sipped the last bit of his drink before getting up with you to get a new bottle as well.

“Why are you so obsessed with the idea of people cumming on my face?” You jokingly asked. It was mentioned maybe once after you accused him of the same. But it was fun putting Roman on the spot like that. The thing about Roman is, whatever he said, no matter how insane it was, no one knew if he was lying or telling the truth. Only cause what he said all the time was so outrageous. Even the night of the party. Jess calling up Kendall’s dealer. He said it as if it was a joke, but Jess and him knew it was true. It was kind of an open secret. But you hadn’t been working there long enough to know that yet.

“Cause I wanna see what it looks like with cum on your face.” He answered, grabbing another bottle of wine. He helped you find another glass, nonchalantly.

“Roman, you are one of the nastiest people I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting.” You grabbed the glass from him. You rarely ever took him seriously. No one did. Roman always said shocking things to get a reaction. “Let’s not pretend like you don’t want to fuck me too.” He fired back at you. You rolled your eyes at him, assuming that’d shut him up. Reality was, you did. “Follow me. I wanna show off how rich I am.” He led you towards his balcony. You were looked around, getting an entire view of the city. You could see most of it from where you stood. The balcony went around most of his apartment.

Roman sat down on some chairs he had outside, and you followed. Your eyes watched the skylines and then down to the floor. You could barely see people, but you could hear how noisy everything was, all the yelling and the honking and street noises and laughter. It brought a sense of happiness to you. You never imagined being somewhere like this to even see this kind of view of the city.

“You’re not gonna jump, are you?” Roman asked, breaking your gaze from the city to him. You shook your head no.

You both decided to just spend the night together, laughing and drinking. It had gotten too cold outside, and you both went back inside the house where you continued your night. Before you knew it, it was 3 am and you both had fallen asleep. Your head laid onto his shoulder as he was slumped on the couch, his head leaning on yours. Your legs scrunched up and near him. You both kept each other at a distance yet were close to one another.

You woke up to Roman still asleep on the couch next to you. You shot up from the couch, still careful not to wake him. You searched the apartment for your phone before finally finding it. It was dead. Fuck. You found Romans to look up the time. 7:43 am. Fuck. You both have to be in the office in just over an hour. Roman could make it on time. You weren’t sure you could. Your apartment had to be at least 30 minutes away from Romans apartment and then the time it took you to get ready and then go back to the office would take an extra 50 minutes. You grabbed your shoes before hearing a sneaky comment being made right behind you.

“Oh no, did we have a one night stand that we can’t take back?” Roman voice coarse and not as energetic as it usually was. Your line tightened in a thin line before looking over at him.

“I need to get home so I can get ready for work.” You tried to explain. You hadn’t even looked at your makeup yet. it had to look awful after sleeping in it.

“Just get ready here.” Roman shrugged, getting up from the couch finally. He stretched before finally settling. “You know I can’t Rome.” You tried to reason with him. “Yea yea you don’t want people thinking you’re a whore who’s fucking her boss even though that’s exactly what you are.” He headed to his kitchen to make himself a coffee. “Look, i'll send my driver. You won’t be late. Just have coffee with me in the meantime.” He was ready to beg. He sent a quick text to his driver before grabbing you another mug.

“Fine. Uh- Can I just charge my phone?” You asked. Roman nodded and you panicked to find one. You found one and plugged your phone, waiting for it to turn on. “Hey, can you get the fuck up and make your coffee?” He called out to you. You pulled away from the phone and went to Roman. You searched his fridge for milk, not finding a plant based milk. Not shocking to you. In all honesty you couldn’t find much in his fridge. He had just milk for his coffee, water bottles, alcohol and some fruit. Not much. It reminded you of your own fridge.

“Do I not have any milk? Oh god you’re not one of those environmental fucking hippies that only drink dirt and eat grass.” He scoffed. You didn’t have the heart to tell him. You shook your head and sipped on your coffee.

You decided to sit with Roman for a while before the driver got here. You put your cup into the washer for him before leaving the penthouse. And off you went home. Despite the harsh morning yesterday, you do think you found it in your heart to forgive Roman for the party. You just couldn’t tell him.

You removed your makeup and charged your work iPad while getting ready once again to see Roman. And off you were to work. This was so much easier than taking the subway. And way faster than the train from your neighborhood to FiDi. You even had time to get yourself a coffee you’d actually enjoy drinking. You ordered for one for Roman too. He thankfully was on his way from work since you woke him up early. You sat in his office and reviewed your notes. You had been texting Jess all morning. You were planning on finding a new wardrobe for yourself since you were finally getting paid today. Actually, you didn’t even check your paycheck yet. You didn’t want to. You were scared.

Roman burst into the room, grabbing the latte you left for him, taking a sip. “Wait let me see yours.” He insisted, grabbing yours to see the sticker on it saying oat. “God you’re even more pretentious than me. I can’t believe you lied to me.” Romans laugh stifled before setting it back down. He wouldn’t stop mocking as he even went into a bit on you ordering the coffee for yourself, feminizing himself in a terrible offensive way. “Rome. Quit it.” You tried to stop him, but you were too busy laughing at him, which only encouraged him more. He actually seemed excited to work with you. He was still incredibly lazy, but less lazy now that he had someone pushing him to actually do stuff for him. No wonder his dad and brother had assistants. That must be why they got so much work done. Or Roman was just trying to impress you.

You just spent most of your time sitting back after Roman went to meeting after meeting, but he just went you texts the entire time. You and Jess sat back during a meeting together while Roman and Kendall worked on their meeting together. “What are you laughing at?” Jess smiled, looking over at your phone. She was glad to see you so happy after the party. Though she wasn’t too happy about the whole Kendall Roman thing yesterday, it wasn’t on you. It was purely between them. Beside Jess adored you and you adored her. She couldn’t ever take that on you, even if Kendall made her do more work and went off on some emotional roller coaster. All she could think was; at least it wasn’t Roman.

“Nothing. Just a text.” You reassured her before putting your phone away. But Jess saw another text from Roman pop up. She didn’t have the nerve to bring it up. But she saw your face light up and your smile return as you answered it. Oh god. Not you. She was in complete horror. Not you and Roman. The thought disgusted her. As it would with anyone.

“Alright, so where are we going after work?” She wondered. “Do you want to get dinner too?” She offered. She knew about your past issues; she knew how you were still. You ate, just you really took it out on yourself whenever you did not eat as good as you wanted. It was a vicious cycle you went through. But you were doing good enough to get dinner tonight with Jess. You nodded and began to go over your plans of where you wanted to go shopping.

She was excited for you. You seemed happier. You were lighter on your feet. You were laughing more. You were kind of miserable when you first started, but you got the hang of it fairly quick with Roman. And now you actually had a job rather than stressing yourself out about your qualities and skills and not understanding why you couldn’t find anything. You were not in panic mode anymore.

Your heads turned, hearing Kendall and Roman leave together. “Fucking twat.” Roman said loud enough for Kendall but low enough for the board and investors.

“Sorry Jess, I’ll see you again after the parking lot drop off.” You joked before Jess followed Kendall and you followed Roman.

“What the fuck is a parking lot drop off?” Roman asked.

Chapter 6

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mx-heinous · 7 months ago

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El Filibusterismo: Poorly Summarized

Chapter 1: We're on a boat and here are the bad guys! :D

Chapter 2: Eyyyy Basilio! You wanna make a school? (Internally: This will not turn out well)

Chapter 3: Short stories with symbolism. That Ibarra guy? Pffft he's dead. Don't worry about him

Chapter 4: The government ain't shit. Something about crocodiles. Juli would rather be a servant than sell a locket

Chapter 5: Coach Driver Has The Worst Christmas Eve Ever

Chapter 6: Basilio Backstory Time

Chapter 7: Simoun Backstory Time (but you already knew he was Ibarra, didn't you?) + Two weirdos have a philosophical debate in the middle of the woods

Chapter 8: Unmerry Christmas

Chapter 9: People Responsible For Why Juli's Life Sucks

Chapter 10: Simoun sells stuff, and oh yeah, Tales killed 3 people or something idk.

Chapter 11: The government ain't shit pt. 2

Chapter 12: The most relatable guy in the book

Chapter 13: The education system sucks

Chapter 14: Meet the students. You're probably gonna forget about them by the next chapter

Chapter 15: Isagani argues with a guy named Spaghetti or something

Chapter 16: Chinese Guy's in debt

Chapter 17: Woohoo, we're at a fair! Wait a minute, where's Simoun?

Chapter 18: Ah, there he is

Chapter 19: Simoun reveals he's a terrorist to a college drop-out

Chapter 20: Turns out, Don Custodio ain't shit

Chapter 21: The friars make a fuss about a French play, backfires horribly

Chapter 22: Relationship Dramaaaaa. Also, yay! The new school got approved! Nvm, we can't direct it anyway

Chapter 23: Hey kid, wanna be a terrorist? Wait, WDYM MARIA CLARA'S DEAD?!

Chapter 24: Relationship Dramaaaaa pt. 2 (This isn't gonna end well, will it?)

Chapter 25: Eating food and making fun of the government

Chapter 26: The government ain't shit pt. 3

Chapter 27: Wait, a decent priest? No way

Chapter 28: People Are Scared, Tiago kicks the bucket, and oh hey, Placido, there you are

Chapter 29: Tiago's Funeral (that's pretty much it)

Chapter 30: Juli can't catch a break

Chapter 31: Look! A decent government official! Nvm, he resigned

Chapter 32: Literally everyone is out of prison except for Basilio because the government ain't shit pt. 4. Also, Juanito's a girlfriend stealing bitch

Chapter 33: Basilio has an emo arc

Chapter 34: Wedding planning ensues, and look, a pretty lamp that's definitely not a bomb

Chapter 35: Your ex just crashed your wedding but dw, it's a good thing

Chapter 36: Ben-Zayb finally gets his own chapter

Chapter 37: The people finally got some braincells

Chapter 38: Remember Selo? Well, he's dead now

Chapter 39: Simoun finally crokes and Tiburcio's there ig

#el filibusterismo #el fili #simoun #basilio #isagani #juli #i'm not tagging everyone #i did this instead of studying

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butterflydm · 1 year ago

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wot reread: a memory of light (chapter 38-epilogue)

spoilers for a memory of light!

Well, the rest of the chapters have fewer pages in total than chapter 37 did, so this is going to be my last full reread post, though I do have a couple of follow-ups planned.

My timing ended up being pretty good, even though my original intention was just to reread books 1-3 in anticipation of the second season of the show. And now I’ve still got over a month to get good and excited about everything the show will be bringing to the table.

1. We go back to Rand, still deep in his conversation with TDO. The chapter “the Last Battle” really revolved around the battle between the forces outside Shayol Ghul, because it ended when the commander of the other army finally was killed (though there are still a ton of his forces to take care of, the head of the snake was cut off and so was the person who fancied himself Demandred’s replacement).

2. The ‘let go’ that Rand is hearing in his mind is in his father’s voice, and the meaning expands here -- let them sacrifice. it is their choice to make. And then Egwene’s voice -- am I not allowed to be a hero too?

Because this is something that Rand has been resisting over the course of the books -- basically ever since he accepted that he will be the sacrifice, he’s struggled with knowing that he’s not the only one, with knowing that other people are sometimes even sacrificing just to get him here, to this place. And, I imagine, with his tentative plans to maybe even survive this ‘sacrifice’, that’s going to make him feel even more guilty about other people giving up their lives in this fight.

3. He talks in dialogue with Egwene’s voice in his head (given that he’s existing around and between reality, it might really be Egwene’s voice too). He is not in charge of protecting her. He decided to take that charge on himself, back in EotW, but it was never his to claim. Let us die for what we believe, and do not try to steal that from us.

4. And so Rand takes himself through his list again, backwards, this time, releasing his feelings of shame for failing to save them, releasing his need to protect them. Letting go of the mountain that has been crushing him for the majority of the series.

He hadn’t realized how large it had become, how much he had let himself carry.

...

Ilyena was last. We are reborn, Rand thought, so we can do better the next time.

So do better.

5. And now Rand, as he stands surrounded by all time and nothing at the same time, comes to understand that the Darkness was never a being, never an entity of its own. It is the between of everything. It can only win if no one is willing to keep fighting against it.

6. Mat gets the news of Lan’s reported death. As he did with Egwene and with Elayne, he swallows the grief and doesn’t let it show to anyone else, instead using the news to spur the army onward to attack the now-stunned foe.

7. Rand tells TDO that he can’t win, and TDO argues that it has Rand in its grasp right now, and Rand says that that’s missing the point, because it was never just about his victory. The people he lists:

Morgase (?) - a woman, torn and beaten down, cast from her throne and made a puppet

Thom - a man who remembered stories and took fool boys under his wing

Moiraine - a woman who hunted truth before others could

Perrin (?) - a man whose family was taken from him, but who stood tall

Nynaeve - a woman who refused to believe she could not Heal those who had been harmed

Mat - a hero who insisted with every breath that he was not a hero

Egwene - a woman who would not bend her back while she was beaten and who stone with the Light for all who watched

Rand realizes -- “it was never about beating me. It was about breaking me.”

8. Okay, I have to say. I have to! But this is... this is literally also how the Seanchan work. This is their philosophy of life -- to take people and break them to the Seanchan’s purpose. As I’ve said before, there really is no way around the fact that the Seanchan are going to be the Great Evil of the Fourth Age. There are just too many Shadow-Seanchan parallels! Maybe Mat and Min can slow the train slightly but I don’t think they can actually put the breaks on it.

9. But back to now -- Rand and TDO watch the battlefield, where Mat is fighting -- Tam at his side, then Karede and his suicide-slave troops, then Loial and the Ogier. “Outnumbered three to one”. Mat is shouting in the Old Tongue: For the Light! For honor! For glory! For life itself!

I will take a moment to be glad that, despite the first half of this book trying so hard to align Mat with the slavers for whatever fucking reason, he’s not fighting for the slavers in this battle. That he actually did become the General of the Forces of the Light, not primarily the General of the Slavers. Looking back, it really does feel like the change was signaled when Mat first took off his Seanchan clothes and put back on his Two Rivers coat*. That seems to have been a visual cue about his change in characterization -- how he started pushing back more against Tuon, forcing her into more compromises, and standing more aligned with the Forces of Light rather than pandering to the slavers all the time. idk, maybe forcing Mat over to Ebou Dar at the start of the book was Sanderson’s way of trying to finally create a synthesis between the horrible Mat of CoT & KoD and the non-horrible Mat of the earlier books, and he felt like he actually had to take Seanchan!Mat to his worst conclusion before bringing him out again? It still really sucks that the Mat and Rand reunion happened during our low point of Mat’s characterization, though.

(* which appears to have been triggered by the ‘not pleasant’ conversation that Mat and Tuon had after Tuon berates him for not telling her that Egwene was briefly enslaved by the Seanchan. After that (off-screen) conversation, Mat starts being much more combative re: the Seanchan -- after that conversation is when he has his bitter/sarcastic thought that he’s not done much to convince Tuon to stop using damane and when he suggests to Min that she mislead Tuon about her viewings to try to soften her stance on Aes Sedai; so I think we can safely give Egwene credit for the turnaround in Mat’s characterization -- I wish that that conversation between Mat and Tuon hadn’t happened off-screen! like so many important emotional moments!, but it seems like perhaps that was a watershed moment for Mat)

Rand and TDO watch, and TDO taunts Rand “the son of battles. I will take him [Mat!]. I will take them all, adversary. As I took the king of nothing [this is Lan, I assume]”.

10. Mat thinks about how he knows he can win this battle, despite the horrible odds. He just needs “a favorable toss of the dice”.

And, not too far away, with the Trollocs outside his hiding place, Olver gives up on the idea of trying to get the Horn to Mat, and lifts the Horn of Valere to his lips.

11. First Mat, and then everyone else, hears Rand’s voice -- he calls out Shai’tan as wrong, telling everyone that Lan isn’t dead. And just after he says that, Mat hears the familiar golden and clear note of the Horn of Valere.

...wow, the Seanchan feel so superfluous to requirements right now. They didn’t show up until after the final combat was engaged, after Rand had his final necessary epiphany, after the Horn was blown (they have still not shown up, technically).

I’m going to take a moment to daydream about a world where Tuon’s nature as marath’damane was revealed and accepted, so she really did flee with the Seanchan (so that she can try to recover from this blow to her powerbase) and the Seanchan never returned to the Last Battle. This would be a much easier way to de-tangle Mat from the Seanchan than whatever he’s gonna need to actually do post-canon.

12. The Heroes of the Horn return and our first sight of them is Birgitte coming to save Elayne from Mellar, with a shining silver arrow. 😍

Birgitte standing over her own corpse kinda cracks me up. Good for her! It’s also probably the first time she’s felt like herself in books and books.

“That was the bloody Horn of Valere!” Mat announces to his troops. “We can still win this night!” Inside, he marvels over how the Horn was sounded without him, showing that one of the things that he’d believed that he was permanently tied to isn’t tied to him after all.

Well, if that knot can be untied, Mat, maybe another one can be as well.

13. Between losing Demandred and the appearance of the Heroes of the Horn, the Shadow are now the ones who are on the defensive, with some Trollocs breaking and trying to run away.

The mist of the Heroes forms near Mat and he feels a moment of worry, wondering if maybe someone on the side of the Shadow summoned them. Hawkwing rides up to Mat, and tells him, “Do take better care of what has been allotted you. Almost, I worried we would not be summoned for this fight.”

I know, right? The lack of urgency in the Mat-in-Ebou-Dar half of the book about actually getting him to Merrilor to blow the Horn was really frustrating to me too!

When Mat confirms that this mean they’re fighting for the Light, Hawkwing tells him, “We would never fight for the Shadow.” The rumors about the Horn are wrong -- I feel like we learned this back in TGH as well but, you know, Mat was dying at the time, so I don’t blame him for not remembering.

Yeah, here’s the line: “We have come to the Horn, but we must follow the banner. And the Dragon.” So it was Rand, Perrin, and Mat who learned that. But, like I said, I don’t blame Mat for not remembering.

14. Hawkwing and Amaresu both scold Mat for not showing Rand enough appreciation for saving his life. Honestly, so fair and legit for Mat to finally be on the other end of a scolding like that. “I have seen you murmur that you fear his madness but all the while you forget that every breath you breathe - every step you take - comes at his forbearance. Your life is a gift from the Dragon Reborn, Gambler. Twice over.”

Mat feels so scolded. As he deserves.

He’s told that they can fight here because they have Rand’s banner and because Rand is... technically sort-of kind-of leading them... from a distance.

Amazingly, Mat takes a moment out of this encounter to marvel at how pretty one of the heroes is and then Remind Himself again that he’s married. He really does have to keep Reminding Himself. One of these days, he’s not going to remember to Remind Himself until after he’s already slept with someone else. It’s been more subtle in this book than in ToM, but Mat is still constantly checking out Every Other Lady around him.

15. Olver gets dug out of his hole by Trollocs but Noal, now one of the Heroes, arrives to save him. I don’t care about Noal, and Jordan definitely didn’t do enough to build up their relationship in CoT & KoD, but I still got a little misty at the tiny orphan child feeling grateful that one of the people who ‘abandoned’ him has finally come back.

16. haha, this next chapter is called ‘wolfbrother’ so I guess that Perrin is finally gonna wake up. But first, we have Elayne!

She’s able to wriggle lose enough to make the medallion copy shift away from her skin and fall to the ground, and now she can embrace saidar again. Elayne apologizes to Birgitte but Birgitte laughs it off, “Why do you mourn, Elayne? I have it all back! My memory has returned. It is wonderful! I don’t know how you stood me these last few weeks. I moped worse than a child who’d just broken her favorite toy.” Ah, yeah, that confirms that Birgitte’s spiral into bitterness was not meant to be a reflection of Elayne but on the dark place that Birgitte was in, with her loss of memories, I think. But it’s a shame that it feels like parts of the fandom just took Birgitte’s unrelated bitterness as a reason to slam on Elayne more. My girl gets so much undeserved hate.

And Elayne and Birgitte will ride back into the battle together. Not as Aes Sedai and Warder, but as friends. 😍 😍 😍 😍

17. Aviendha! I’ve missed you! Her timeline isn’t advancing as quickly as it has been for those further away from Shayol Ghul, so not as much as happened here in the valley. She can feel the channeling inside the Pit of Doom - “a quiet pulse”. Oh! The wolfbrother of the chapter’s title is actually Elyas, who Aviendha runs across now. The Darkhound Wild Hunt is happening, and hundreds of wolves have come to fight back against them.

Aviendha is about to go fetch channelers to help bring down the Darkhounds, when she spies Graendal a bit higher on the slope, with some Turned channelers, and Aiel guards under compulsion. Aviendha alerts her companions (Amys & Cadsuane) and then begins the fight against Graendal.

18. Elayne has a sword again. Where is she getting these swords? I’m just gonna assume it’s made out of Air or something. More useful than the sword, Elayne creates a banner with the Power, the red lion of Andor, lighting up the night.

19. [Mat] remembered, within those memories that were not his, leading forces far grander. Armies that were not fragmented, half-trained, wounded and exhausted. But Light help him, he had never been so proud.

...

This was the moment he had been seeking. It was the card upon which to bet everything he had. Ten to one odds, still, but the Sharan army, the Trollocs and the Fades had no head. No general to guide them.

...

Elayne’s death had been a lie. Her troops had been in disarray - they had lost more than a third of their soldiers - but just as they were about to be routed by the Trollocs, she rode into their midst and rallied them.

20. Catching up with Moggy! Hi, Moghedien. I bet your Last Battle is going pretty shitty. She kicks Demandred’s abandoned corpse. Oh, his devoted Shendla just left his body there to rot? Yikes. For Moghedien, she discovers that now that so many of the Chosen have been killed off, TDO is ready to let her have a taste of that sweet sweet True Power.

She disguises herself as Demandred and heads to the Sharan forces. I have to admit, given how open Min has been about her Talents, it’s kinda astonishing that Moghedien doesn’t know about her viewings. Min will tell anyone who stands still for five seconds, plus Tuon announced her as a Doomseer and has been plumping her up for the past whatever-number of chapters.

Moghedien starts to gear up for her role as Fake Demandred...

...and then she gets a blast of cannon/dragon-fire in her face from the Band’s part of Mat’s plan.

21. Instead of the Band leaving their caves to fight; channelers are opening them up brief windows to shoot through. Aludra is placed up on a high location with a spy-glass, giving orders to the channelers for the next locations for the booms. Honestly very clever.

22. As Aviendha fights in the valley, plants grow to cover her passage.

They had come right when she had needed them to hide her approach. Happenstance? She chose to believe otherwise. She could feel [Rand], in the back of her mind. He fought, a true warrior. His battle lent her strength, and she tried to return the same.

Determination. Honor. Glory. Fight on, shade of my heart. Fight on.

😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍

23. Aviendha kills a Compelled attacker, only realizing it’s Rhuarc after she has struck the fatal blow. She kills him moments before he would have killed her, and only her shoulder gets injured.

She does her best to convince herself that she only killed a shell. That Rhuarc was already dead.

There is a burst of determination from Rand (Strength, Aviendha) and her fatigue leaves her, and she refocuses on the fight.

24. Aviendha studies Graendal and decides on her approach -- she creates a spear made out of fire and light, and some other weaves in reserve -- and charges for Graendal. See, this makes a lot more sense that Elayne randomly having a sword, because this is a weapon and Aviendha knows and has trained in most of her life. I think that Sanderson Just Likes Swords tbh.

I really love the description here because of how it brings back Aviendha’s Maiden roots as she launches her attack on Graendal. The ground explodes underneath her (her legs get pretty destroyed, it sounds like), but she’s leaping up already aimed like a spear herself, and she sinks the spear into Graendal’s side just as Graendal is using the True Power to Travel... and because they’re touching, she goes along with Graendal when she Travels.

25. Mat rides with the Heroes of the Horn. He gets them to confirm that he isn’t one of them. He can see Elayne from where he is.

Mat saw Elayne’s banner glowing above them in the sky, crafted of the One Power, and caught a glimpse of someone who looked like her riding among the soldiers, hair glowing as if lit from behind her. She seemed a bloody Hero of the Horn herself.

26. And then the great battle is over, at least here on the battlefield.

He would have to thank Tuon for returning. He did not go looking for her, though. He had a feeling she would expect him to perform his princely duties, whatever they might be.

Hmm.

27. He does feel that tugging. Rand needs him. He tries to convince himself that this was his part, out here, and whatever is going on where Rand is... that’s Rand’s business. The dice are still tumbling in his head. This part here manages to capture Mat’s double-think in a way that I didn’t feel like came across in the actual chapter when we had the Rand & Mat reunion.

After trying to talk himself out of it, Mat ends up saying that he’s a fool because “I need to go to Rand.”

As a parting note, he asks Hawkwing to go have a conversation with “their Empress” (Tuon), and hmm, interesting. Okay, I need to break this down a bit.

So, one of the things that gave Tuon the big jollies back in the negotiation chapter with Rand was Mat referring to the Seanchan forces as “our forces”, which she basically interpreted as “haha you’re mine now, no take-backs”. And here, he does not call the Seanchan empress “my” Empress. He says she’s “their” Empress. The Empress of the Seanchan, who he is not currently identifying with, it would seem. So. That’s interesting.

We don’t get to see the conversation between Hawkwing and Tuon, of course, but what would Mat assume about what Hawkwing would tell Tuon? Why would Mat send Hawkwing to talk to her? The Heroes of the Horn follow Rand, pretty explicitly. They literally just recently scolded Mat for not appreciating Rand enough. They are aware of current events in the world and of the Seanchan Empire.

Which is to say... of course, Mat is assuming that Hawkwing will try to set Tuon straight on how to be an Empress without abusing millions of people under her power. Hawkwing told him that they would never fight for the Shadow. I think it’s reasonable for Mat to assume that he would disapprove of slavery. And Hawkwing’s hatred of Aes Sedai in his lifetime was canonically influenced by Ishamael, if I recall correctly, so the idea that Ishamael’s corruption is still influencing him in his Horn-form just seems like kinda silly to me. So. That’s my stance on that. Mat has clearly stated in recent chapters that he disapproves of the damane system, in particular, and that he wants to influence Tuon to soften her stance on Aes Sedai. So we know what Mat’s motivations are in sending Hawkwing off to talk to her. And it kinda fits Mat’s pattern of trying to use other people to influence Tuon to be less awful.

28. Rand has thought about Mat often, here in the battle with TDO. He thinks of him again -- Beneath them, on the battlefield, the Trollocs had fallen, beaten by a young gambler from the Two Rivers.

29. Oh, hey, Perrin just woke up. Page 853. He went to sleep on page 670. Nice long nap. Missed... a lot of stuff.

He learns that the battle at Merrilor has been won, but the battle at Thakan’dar, outside of Shayol Ghul, rages on. He gets his exhaustion washed away by one of the Aes Sedai and goes physically back into TAR (where he left Gaul to guard the cave where Rand fights).

30. In the waking world, Thom is the one guarding that cave entrance and he ponders the various ways that the ending of the world can be turned into a song, once this is all over.

31. Mat goes to Grady and tells him that he needs to be taken to Shayol Ghul. He’s brought Rand’s banner with him. Hanging out with Grady are Olver and Noal. The dice are still tumbling in Mat’s head. As far as I can tell, they haven’t stopped since Elayne asked him if he knew what he was doing.

Mat, on thinking about Noal/Jain becoming a Hero of the Horn:

Well, you wouldn’t find Mat trading places with him. Noal might enjoy it, but Mat wouldn’t dance at another man’s command. Not for immortality itself, no he wouldn’t.

Another data point that I’m placing into the pile.

Grady says that Traveling is wonky in that direction. Can’t be done.

Mat won’t accept that as an answer, and he gets Grady to take him (and Olver) as close as they can get -- a Seanchan scouting camp, a day away.

32. lol, we get a tiny glimpse into Fain the mist god-demon here. This just feels so anti-climatic, to still have Fain around at a time like this. Anyway, he’s basically a walking Shadar Logoth at this point. Fain kinda suffers from the same issues as Slayer, in that it feels like he’s a villain that the story grew past and yet he hung around anyway.

33. Gaul has been standing alone against Slayer all this time in TAR, fighting against him and protecting Rand, on his own, while Perrin was taking his restorative nap. But now Perrin is back to help. On the plus side, because of the time dilation stuff, only two hours has passed for Gaul in here.

34. Since he couldn’t take a gateway to Shayol Ghul, Mat is going by dragon to’raken. And, yes, Mat takes time out of his terror at being up so high to notice how pretty the morat’to’raken is, even as he thinks that anyone willing to do this must be “completely insane”. Olver, who is riding with them, is having a great time, though.

From up high, Mat sees a mist covering the valley below and gets a tingling that tells him... it’s about Fain and the dagger.

35. Then their to’raken gets hit by arrows, killing the rider or knocking her out. Mat undoes his straps and climbs over to take the to’raken’s reins. So he’s... he’s riding the closest thing that this world has to a dragon. Subtext, fun for the whole family.

He does his best to give them a gentle landing. It is not terribly gentle.

36. In the aftermath of the crash, Mat thinks that kidnapping Tuon (aka marrying her) is the worst decision that he’s ever made. Hmm. And this is after she ‘returned’ to the battlefield per their plan.

“That,” [Mat] finally groaned, “is the worst bloody idea I’ve ever had.” He hesitated. “Maybe the second worst.” He had decided to kidnap Tuon, after all.

And he doesn’t undercut that thought with any kind of caveat. He just lets it stand as he moves on to the next thing. Another interesting data point.

37. Mat literally panics when he realizes that Rand’s banner has gone missing during their dragon to’raken flight. Why does it seem like Sanderson is so much better at writing Cauthor-related scenes when Mat and Rand are separated from each other?

Olver points out that the swirling clouds above them are forming Rand’s sign, and then he blows the Horn again, for good measure.

38. Rand breaks out of his frozen battle with TDO and re-enters his own body. “From his watching of the Pattern, he knew that although only minutes had passed here since he’d entered, in the valley outside this cavern, days had passed, and farther out into the world, it had been much longer.”

He points Callandor at Moridin, and Moridin promptly throws a knife at Alanna.

Broke back to consciousness by Nynaeve’s herbs, Alanna pulls herself together long enough to release the bond she forced on Rand before she dies.

...I kinda feel the need to point out that Moiraine has done nothing but be a battery for Rand since she entered the cave with him.

I also feel bad for Alanna, who really disappeared from the story once Min was bonded to Rand and could take over as Cadsuane’s Rand mood-ring, and now is only here so that she can die. I have extremely large beef against Alanna for forcibly bonding Rand but it feels like the story really should have used that beat even more than it did, rather than it disappearing after WH.

39. Perrin kills Slayer. Finally. And then he pulls back out of TAR and is “on the rocks in the valley of Thakan’dar”, near where the Aiel are gathered.

40. Mat leaves Olver with the Heroes and meets up with Perrin at the mouth of the cave. So, yes, Mat and Perrin get another reunion. Why does Perrin! Get all the reunions! This is what I was talking about when I said how annoyed I was that Mat thinking about Rand tugging on him wouldn’t end up with any good payoff. All we get is yet another Mat and Perrin reunion.

That Rand is literally inside that cave and yet the three ta’veren do not reunite here is honestly somewhat infuriating for me. Genuinely those two things: the Emond’s Five reunite and the ta’veren three reunite should have been at the TOP of Sanderson’s priority list! There is a lot that I have enjoyed about AMoL but there are just way too many important emotional moments that were either skipped or didn’t happen at all but should have happened.

And, fuck, letting Mat and Rand have a scene that doesn’t take place during Mat’s weird Ebou Dar adventure. That would have been nice! Once Mat decides that he’s not going to be a lapdog for the Seanchan/Tuon anymore, his storyline and his PoV get so much better and so much more enjoyable and I am just... eternal bitterness that our only Mat & Rand reunion was plopped into our most lapdoggy-Mat era.

Mat came here specifically to protect Rand and then he never sees him! That is just fucking awful. They deserved a better reunion. What was the point of having the Heroes scold Mat if we didn’t actually get to see Mat and Rand interact again after it? This is kinda a place where the epilogue is mostly at fault -- Mat just strolling off to plan a fireworks show for Tuon post-Last Battle conflicts pretty hard with him spending time with his dying best friend, tonally-speaking -- but that really just makes it all the more frustrating that the only Cauthor reunion took place when Mat was in his worst Seanchan-era.

41. Aviendha attacks Graendal with an exploding gateway; and Mat kills Fain/Mordeth/etc.

And Perrin almost takes off to go searching for Faile but manages to resist the urge: If Rand died, then he would lose Faile. And everything else.

Yes. I have tried to yell this at the fictional characters so many times: if the world dies, then so does your sweetheart! It’s nice that Perrin finally listened.

42. And for his final trick, Moridin grabs Callandor, and Moiraine and Nynaeve spring their trap, using the flaw in Callandor to take control of the ‘circle’ that Moridin has accidentally formed with them. With Moridin having pulled the True Power, Rand is now able to enter the link, and Moiraine and Nynaeve can feed him all three sets of Power: saidar, saidin, and the True Power. Light explodes from him, and from Shayol Ghul, as Rand uses the True Power to protect himself as he reaches through the Bore and grabs onto the Dark One.

43. We get a quick beat of people reacting to the light:

Elayne is on the battlefield of Merrilor, as they search for the living among the dead. She feels the “swelling of power in Rand” and her attention focuses on him.

Thom shields his eyes as the light bursts from the entrance to the Pit of Doom.

Min appears to have managed to get away from the Seanchan for now, changing linens for the wounded, perhaps also on the Field of Merrilor.

Aviendha is drawn back from the darkness of near-death by the light and the warmth of Rand inside her, and realizes that her explosion twisted the compulsion weave so that Graendal compelled herself to worship Aviendha. Awkward!

Logain sees the light and knows that it’s what was meant by the message that Egwene sent, and he breaks the seals on the Dark One’s prison.

44. In TAR, Perrin runs across Lanfear. Together, they walk into Shayol Ghul, and we learn that she apparently compelled Perrin a little while ago? He’s able to pull out of it by reminding himself of his duty and of Faile, and he snaps her neck, killing her.

*squints at the scene*

Yeah, I mean. That’s certainly still what looks like happened? Sorry, Sanderson, I’m not seeing your hints here about Lanfear tricking Perrin and surviving.

45. Rand holds the Dark One in his hand. Or the representation of his hand. And, once again, when Rand tells TDO how pitiful he is, all I see are echoes of the Seanchan:

You would have enslaved me as you would have enslaved the others. You cannot give oblivion. Rest is not yours. Only torment.

Rand can feel himself dying, his life blood slipping away. Realizing that the world that he’d seen without the Dark One would have been the truth, he knows that he cannot kill it. So he thrusts TDO back into his prison, braids saidar and saidin together to reforge a new shield onto the Bore.

With this new form of the Power, Rand pulled together the rent that had been made here long ago by foolish men.

He understood, finally, that the Dark One was not the enemy.

It never had been.

(because it only reflected the evil that people were already capable of)

46. The black hole inside the cave expands, as Moiraine and Nynaeve run for the safety of the cave entrance.

47. And now we are at the epilogue.

Much like I did with The Last Battle chapter, I’ll take the epilogue in sections by character. Rand & co will go last, this time.

Perrin

The spirits of the dead wolves fade back into the dream. Perrin voluntarily worries about Rand? Wow, that feels kinda out of character for Perrin, who has always been way better at pushing away thoughts of Rand than Mat has been, but I guess let’s go with it. It seems to exist to tell us that Perrin no longer sees color swirls and no longer feels any tugging towards anything. “Those seemed like very bad signs.”

“Have you sent for the three?”

What a weird way to ask “do Rand’s girlfriends know that he’s dying?”

I’m going to take a minute and count up the PoV & page counts everyone gets in the epilogue.

Rand: 3 PoVs (4 pages total)

Mat: 2 PoVs (1 1/5 pages)

Perrin: 3 PoVs (6 1/5 pages)

Loial: 1 PoV (3 pages)

Moghedien: 1 PoV (1 page)

Nynaeve: 1 PoV (2 pages)

Birgitte: 1 PoV (1 page)

Tam: 1 PoV (1 page)

Min: 1 PoV (1/2 page)

Cadsuane: 1 PoV (1 page)

That’s a lot of Perrin, comparatively-speaking.

Anyway, Perrin finds Faile, happy ending, etc.

...oh, I just looked it up and Sanderson answered some questions about the epilogue (tor[dot]com/2013/01/23/brandon-sandersons-wheel-of-time-answers-from-torchat/)! He added Perrin’s and Loial’s scene(s). Ha! I knew that Loial was a Sanderson addition because he uses “Matrim” instead of Mat (that is, imo, by far the easiest ‘tell’ of a Sanderson scene -- someone using ‘Matrim’ when they normally wouldn’t). And the Perrin scenes make sense too because it really builds off of and finishes the narrative thread that was at play earlier in the book for Perrin, which was presumably all written by Sanderson.

Mat

Mat strolls away from the aftermath of having killed Padan Fain, calling the dagger “a gamble I don’t want to touch”. The dice stop rolling in Mat’s head after he decides not to pick up the dagger. Hmm. Mat avoiding becoming the new Fain for the Fourth Age?

After that, we skip to his scene with Tuon. And there are only those two scenes with Mat in the epilogue -- killing Fain and finding out that he’s been baby-trapped into the Seanchan Empire. Though Perrin confirms in his own PoV scenes that he no longer gets the swirls or the tugging, we don’t get the same kind of confirmation in Mat’s (very short) scenes.

I will say that there is more subtlety in Mat’s ending here than I had remembered -- I was extremely unhappy about his ending but this marriage is pretty troubled already in the text, and so it’s not really the book that tries to pretend this is a happy “babies ever after” ending for Mat; I feel like that’s maybe more of a vibe that I got from fans at the time, rather than from the text. There are a lot of “male power fantasy” fans who just really like that Mat ends up married to an Empress and commanding vast armies, I think, at least from what I’ve seen around the internet (and especially back when the series was originally published).

And Mat specifically forces a grin at the news that Fortuona is pregnant, so he’s not genuinely happy about it (and we got things in recent chapters like Mat thinking that kidnapping Tuon was the worst idea he’d ever had).

But, honestly, I do still hate that it happens. I hate it up one side and down the other. It sucks as an ending for Mat so much. Miserable marriage, awful wife, horrible shackles tying him to a terrible fascist empire built on slavery.

That being said... just Tuon’s rule is incredibly fragile, this marriage is also incredibly fragile (which is probably why Jordan slapped a baby in there to begin with -- otherwise, given his general misery level in many of the Seanchan-related scenes, it’s difficult to see how Mat could bring himself to stick with Tuon for long enough to do whatever plot-related things Jordan was imagining would have happened in the outriggers -- the baby is a trap for Mat, not from Tuon but from Jordan).

There are still so many things about the Seanchan that could end up being deal-breakers for Mat if he finds out about them!

(ex. Bodewhin Cauthon is never mentioned in the books after Knife of Dreams, so it is entirely possible that she is among the new damane who were taken by the Seanchan in recent days, and Mat might end up seeing his sister with a collar around her neck post-canon. How would he react to that? And to Tuon’s unwillingness to let her go?)

In addition to Mat potentially seeing people he knows and cares about in collars, we also have the possibility of him learning just how brutal Tuon’s attack against the White Tower was (there isn’t any indication that he knows about the attack at all yet); or Talmanes telling him about Verin’s letter and Mat realizing how damaging his fear of Aes Sedai has been for the world; or further in the future there’s Mat’s potential reaction to the lethal political wrangling that Imperial heirs are meant to get up to (he was disturbed enough that Galgan liking him only means that subpar assassins will be sent against him -- when he realizes that Tuon might well encourage their own kids to kill each other to win her favor, it’s very hard to see him brushing that off). Plus he’s regained his sense of disgust over the damane system. So there are a lot of powderkegs waiting to be blown sky-high for Mat, post-canon.

idk, Mat’s storyline is maybe the one where I most have to untangle whether I dislike it more because I feel like it was executed poorly or if I dislike it because it sets up a situation that will never get resolution. And how connected are those things?

A big frustration that I’ve had with how Jordan and then Sanderson handled Mat’s storyline over the course of the last few books of the series was how many shortcuts were taken with his character and how artificial forcing him into the Seanchans’ arms has felt to me.

a. Mat getting trapped in Ebou Dar and then all the characters involved taking a vow of silence when it came to telling Rand about it. Mat getting trapped in Ebou Dar is plot nonsense: relatively forgivable. But having multiple characters being given the opportunity to change that situation and just... not bothering to do it is... that’s a characterization issue. It severely impacted my feelings about Nynaeve for Jordan to turn her into the kind of person who just doesn’t bother to tell Rand that his best friend was left behind in that kind of perilous situation. Plot manipulations... that’s just how the plot works. But over and over, characters got broken or bent for the purpose of jamming Mat into the Seanchan storyline.

b. Setalle Anan is a minor character, so I get why people don’t care about her, but she’s a character who pretty much completely reverses her characterization between WH & CoT (in WH, she is anti-slavery and finds Mat charming and trustworthy; in CoT & KoD, she protects and waits on Tuon while treating Mat like the dangerous one, including betraying Mat’s secrets to Tuon -- and her betrayals are never acknowledged by the text in any way; she just keeps on being treated as if she’s a friendly supporting character) and, from what I could see, it’s just so obviously done in order to protect Tuon from ever having even a sliver of character growth rather than it making sense for Setalle Anan’s character.

c. We keep tiptoeing up to the brink of Actually Having A Plot Happen with the Seanchan and then backing away at the last minute without really having a good reason to do it. Incredibly frustrating. This was one of my main annoyances with CoT & KoD. And in AMoL, both Rand and Egwene inexplicably back down when they have Tuon on the ropes and off-balance.

d. Mat’s teleportation to Ebou Dar in-between Towers of Midnight and A Memory of Light. I’ve talked about this one a lot but yeah. It’s just... really bad? I do suspect that Sanderson couldn’t figure out any way to actually make it believable that Mat would go to the Seanchan and that’s why he had it all happen off-the-page. But the careless damage that it does to Mat’s characterization is just horrific. Mat gets ripped out of the action of the first third of the book, and doesn’t get to the Last Battle itself until the book is more than half over. Once Mat is actually engaging in the Last Battle, his characterization steadies a lot but especially those first four chapters with Mat, it feels like we’re only working with half of his characterization and the other half has vanished somewhere in-between ToM & AMoL.

(and if Mat hadn’t been cut-and-pasted from the Tower of Ghenjei over to Ebou Dar, then we would have had a full reunion at Merrilor. So I’m annoyed/bitter about that too)

I could keep going but... let’s keep it at four issues for right now so that we’re not here all day, lol.

All of those issues are problems that I had with the execution of the storyline.

I am not inherently opposed to depressing endings for characters that I love but... it has to be done well. It has to make sense. And Mat’s ending just... required cutting away too many parts of him (and other characters) for it to make sense to me.

But though it is not always handled well (to put it mildly), Mat’s storyline with Tuon (and Tylin before her) is an example of the ‘typical gender roles are swapped’ done in a way that is more down to the very core of his storyline than a lot of other storylines, which are more on the surface.

He’s much less politically powerful than his spouse and needs to use guile, intrigue, and manipulation to get his way and try to persuade her to a gentler and kinder path than her warlike nature naturally aligns towards.

He undergoes something of a gender-swapped version of “The Taming of the Shrew” storyline, in which a fiercely independent person gets coerced/’tamed’ into being a properly submissive spouse (or, depending on your interpretation, into pretending to be one) -- many of the tricks that Tuon and Tylin use are similar to what Petruchio does to Katherine in the play. Mat gets publicly humiliated and starved by Tylin into submitting to her (which is what Petruchio does to Katherine during/after their wedding), and isolated away from his past connections during his time with Tuon, where he constantly has to act to try to figure out how to appease her without provoking her temper (Petruchio compares taming Katherine to falcon-taming, but Tuon would probably compare it to horse-training or damane-breaking), and Petruchio changes her name from ‘Katherine’ to ‘Kate’, which fits pretty well with Tuon’s insistence on never once calling Mat ‘Mat’.

Plus Mat getting his name changed to indicate that he now ‘belongs’ to Tuon’s people fits into this general category -- and historically, in the culture that Jordan belonged to, that’s normally a role given to women, to be given a new name that shows that they are now of their husband’s people and not their father’s; it’s usually their last name but, in the not too-distant past (and maybe currently in some places as well, idk), at least in the USA, women were often referred to as Mrs. “husband’s first name” “husband’s last name” with none of their own name making it into the address.

But a lot of the issues that I have with how this was written is that it felt like Mat was behaving like his hand was forced even when it wasn’t. Which is definitely a writing issue -- it’s a similar issue to the one that I have with the Rand & Min romance, for example, where Min desperately chases after something even though she doesn’t really want it at the start. Prophecy gets used as a way to skip actually writing important character or relationship beats, instead of prophecy being one of many tools in the writer’s kit.

So, yeah, it really is the execution of the storyline that is the biggest problem for me with Mat & Tuon, and the way it feels like he is pulled away from his other attachments whether or not that makes any narrative or character sense.

I really hope that the show does better with them, and with Mat in his endgame (should we get there, etc.).

I will say that I do think that Sanderson handled the romance better than Jordan did; the main problem was that it was already fundamentally broken by how the relationship was written in CoT & KoD, imo (the KoD collaring chapter in particular made me despise them as a pairing and my feelings never recovered from that moment). But in Sanderson’s books, we actually see the effects of Tuon compromising with Mat during various points of the Last Battle (though we see don’t actually see their private discussions and/or arguments that lead to those compromises), and there’s always a throughline showing how miserable the Seanchan lifestyle is for Mat, and those are two things that were majorly missing from CoT & KoD for me, but that make sense as the only way to make the romance even half-believable for Mat’s pre-established characterization from WH and earlier.

The three big issues that I have with Sanderson’s Mat are: the terrible first chapter of TGS (with the gross sexism); the terrible first chapter of AMoL (now featuring inexplicable teleportation); and the deep deep disservice done to Mat and Rand’s friendship (Rand got a personal goodbye with EVERYONE important to him EXCEPT Mat! And Mat got a personal reunion with everyone important to him, except Rand! All they got was the negotiation scene that was ultimately all about Fortuona and the Seanchan treaty, with Mat and Rand’s friendship being the set dressing around the scene).

But the relationship with Tuon honestly... makes a lot more sense in this book than it did in CoT & KoD (once we work past the brain-breaking logistics of the first chapter or so). There are TONS of hints that Mat has uncomfortable vibes going on underneath his casual exterior, plus Tuon actually does make some attempts at compromising with him, and if the well hadn’t been poisoned by how much I despised CoT/KoD-era Mat & Tuon then... I might have had a chance at enjoying AMoL-era Mat & Tuon for the toxic trainwreck that it is.

But, like all the characters & relationships in AMoL, we skip some pretty big moments in the Mat & Tuon relationship -- we see the effects of them compromising but we never actually see them coming to that compromise in private, which I feel like we needed after how unyielding and frankly how annoying Jordan made Tuon about everything.

We do end up with a Mat & a ‘Fortuona’ who remain at cross-purposes -- Mat continues to think of and refer to her as ‘Tuon’ while Fortuona has kinda reversed from thinking of him as a ‘buffoon’ to instead believing that he has the same kind of practical motivations behind his choices that she does, which is also not accurate. But Sanderson did add in some actual give-and-take to their relationship, which Jordan never seemed willing to do, so the AMoL-era Mat & Tuon is a lot more genuinely engaging for me, even if I do still think that they are one of the most obviously doomed fictional marriages that I have ever seen.

Final Mat-related question for the moment: the Seanchan Empire is based on authoritarian governments throughout history, so does how the Seanchan Empire operates mimic the behavior of a cult?

The popular model for cults is the BITE model, which was developed by a man who was deprogrammed from the Moon cult in 1976 (Steve Hassan). It’s an acronym:

Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotion control. BITE.

Do the Seanchan seek to control people’s behavior? (yes) Do they seek to control the flow of information that the people under them learn? (yes) Do they seek to have their members reject critical thought and only apply to the group-think? (yes) Do they manipulate the emotions of their followers, usually instilling fear or paranoia about outsiders? (yes)

We know from earlier books that the Seanchan culture =/= the Seanchan Empire. There are constant civil wars and uprisings in their native land. This is explicitly why they are such good soldiers, because they are always fighting each other. Yet they present themselves as a monolith when they come to the Westlands, bragging about how they’re here to bring ‘order’ to a lawless continent. What they say about themselves does not match the truth of what else we know about them.

How does the Seanchan Empire exercise its control over its people? Everything I included here is something I think we’ve see the Empire do, but I did bold ones that are particularly blatant in the text.

Behavior control: Control types of clothing and hairstyles; permission required for major decisions; rewards and punishments used to modify behaviors both positive and negative; discourage individualism; encourage group-think; impose rigid rules and regulations; punish disobedience by beating, torture, burning, cutting, rape, or tattooing/branding; threaten harm to family and friends; encourage and engage in corporal punishment; instill dependency and obedience; kidnapping; beating; torture; murder

Information control: Distort information to make it more acceptable; systematically lie to the cult members; minimize or discourage access to non-cult sources of information; ensure that information is not freely accessible; control information at different levels and missions within group; allow only leadership to decide who needs to know what and when; encourage spying on other members; impose a buddy system to monitor and control member; report deviant thoughts, feelings, and actions to leadership; ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group; extensive use of cult-generated propaganda

Thought control: require members to internalize the group’s doctrine as truth; adopting the group’s ‘map of reality’ as reality; instill black and white thinking; organize people into us vs them; change person’s name and identity; use of loaded language and cliches which constrict knowledge; encourage only ‘good and proper’ thoughts; thought-stopping techniques to shut down reality testing: denial, rationalization, justification, wishful thinking; rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism; forbid critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy; labeling alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful

Emotion control: teach emotion-stopping techniques to block feelings of homesickness, anger, doubt; make the person feel that problems are always their own fault, never the leader’s or the group’s fault; promote feelings of guilt or unworthiness; instill fear, such as fear of: thinking independently, the outside world, leaving or being shunned by the group; ritualistic and sometimes public confessions of sins; phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about leaving the group or questioning the leader’s authority, no happiness or fulfillment possible outside of group; shunning of those who leave; being told there is never a legitimate reason to leave.

“Destructive mind control can be determined when the overall effect of these four components promotes dependency and obedience to some leader or cause; it is not necessary for every single item on the list to be present.“ (in this case, that would be to the Empress, ~may she live forever~)

(all taken from freedomofmind(dot)com -- not linking because sometimes outside links make tumblr act weird about posts)

On the page, we witness the slow process of Leilwin née Egeanin pulling away and deprogramming from the Seanchan Empire, and then in this book, it feels like Mat has begun that process as well. And it feels like they started the same way -- because of a massive overreach by Tuon, the leader of the cult/Empire. Leilwin née Egeanin gets humiliated and punished by Tuon for no reason; just because Tuon felt like being a brat that day, and that moment of humiliation -- the re-naming and the forcing of the jewelry on her in a way that treated her like a slave -- was really what made Leilwin née Egeanin start to pull away from the other Seanchan and go into the path that eventually led to her being, however briefly, Egwene’s Warder.

For Mat, it really seems like whatever happened in that ‘not pleasant’ discussion that he and Tuon had after she berated him for, essentially, prioritizing Egwene’s privacy over Tuon’s desire to get information from him... that discussion (that we didn’t get to see) really seemed to lead to the more combative Mat who refused to back down and roll over for her. Mat still feels a level of protectiveness and affection for Tuon through the rest of the book but he stops letting her push him around and he starts acting like he cares about doing something about the slavery system in the Seanchan Empire again, which was a part of him that we lost at the start of CoT and I have hated so much that we lost in his character. But it slowly grows back over the course of the second half of AMoL.

Again, my big regret here is that the Mat & Rand reunion happened before Mat started his spine regrowth program. Even though Mat does start to push back on Tuon more here, he still never finished several of his character arcs that were set up over the course of the entire series: namely his own mistrust of Aes Sedai and his fear of Rand as a channeler. Both of those fears were things that he was actively working in the text and that he abruptly backtracked on when Tuon was introduced into his life (because being chill with channelers and being chill with people who enslave channelers is contradictory and so Jordan decided... to go with being chill with slavers). So those are two flapping loose ends for his character at the end of this series that never got to fully be addressed because the ‘romance’ was prioritized over Mat’s characterization.

Loial

Loial is looking for people to help him with accounts for his book and “Perrin ignored me and Mat cannot be found”.

Mat just completely disappearing from the Westlands side of things to go set up a fireworks show for Tuon (and asking Aludra to be the one to set it up, which just seems kinda mean, considering that the Seanchan pretty much completely eliminated the Illuminators) is just... frustrating. Apparently Mat visited the battlefield here “smiling and healthy” but then vanished. So, in theory, there’s an empty place here where Mat might have visited Rand and talked to Elayne & co one last time, since Rand is in the main healing tent on this battlefield.

Loial also notes how odd it is that Elayne and Min don’t seem to feel any urge to go in to hold Rand’s hand while he’s dying (Aviendha is getting her legs looked at). I know, Loial! They’re the worst fake-grievers who ever lived, I swear. If the whole point is to trick people into thinking Rand is dead, then it might be a good idea to... actually try to trick people?

Moghedien

In which Tuon’s people are already breaking the terms of the treaty by snatching up channelers from the battlefield at Merrilor. No hundred years of peace, Rand. I’m sorry.

Rand (& all those who say ‘goodbye’ to him, or who don’t)

Rand leaves the mountain, slipping on his own blood and carrying a body. Shayol Ghul is trying to close before he can leave and he only barely makes it out in time before the cave snaps shut behind him.

Moiraine tells Rand that he did well, and Nynaeve tries desperately to keep him alive, but eventually, and without ever waking back up, ‘Rand’ dies.

Elayne, Aviendha, and Min do the absolute worst job of playing grieving widows ever. Like, if Rand had actually died, I could understand this better. Because they might really be in shock. But they know he’s alive! And their whole job is to convince people that they absolutely believe that he’s dead! Just... pinch your arm until you start crying! This is literally the most suspicious way that they could have gone about things -- Nynaeve is already extremely suspicious of how they’re acting. Seriously, she’s gonna wiggle the truth out of them pretty much five seconds post-epilogue.

Birgitte comes to say goodbye to Elayne because she’s about to be reborn... and to mention that she’s tossed away the Horn of Valere. Sure hope that Elayne doesn’t regret that in ten years when they’re at war with the Seanchan!

Tam hopes that now his son can get some rest. My hope is that Rand will, you know, go and talk to his dad after he’s had a chance to recover from the stress and trauma of the Last Battle. Also, Tam... you’re gonna have grandkids. No thoughts on that, I see. Still no thoughts on that.

The funeral scene frustrates me to pieces.

Honestly, the most frustrating thing about the funeral scene is how easy it would have been to casually mention that Mat and Perrin were there? Like, that’s ONE SENTENCE. Just... the erasure of those years of friendship, because heterosexual marriage, in Jordan’s fictional world, meant that close male-male friendships just stopped existing. It’s depressing. That CADSUANE is considered to have more right to be at Rand’s funeral than his childhood friends who were also vital parts of the Last Battle. It’s insulting. And apparently Tam organized it? But he couldn’t be bothered to invite his kid’s best friends. Definitely a place where Sanderson should have done some editing of the original epilogue. One sentence is all that was needed.

*sigh*

I do think that Sanderson did try to set up why Mat wouldn’t have gone -- we have seen Mat, in several of his recent PoV scenes, swallowing his grief over losing people he loves and not letting it appear to affect him openly, even as it rocked him deeply, so Rand’s death would be another of those gut-punches that he would do his best to pretend didn’t happen. But, fuck... it just sucks that the friendship between Mat and Rand is such a sublimated thing in this last book, when Rand and Mat both got to much more openly deal with pretty much every other important relationship that they had (though I will note that Rand and Sulin never got a reunion either! Rude!).

Perrin didn’t get anything like that kind of subtextual explanation, but Perrin actually did visit Rand’s healing tent while he was dying, so at least he got that much. *shrugs*

Min thinking here about how the assembled people expect a ‘show’ of grief -- yes, they have all found it exceedingly odd that none of you appear to be grieving the man you said that you loved.

Rand wakes up in his new body, washed clean of the wounds that he’d taken over the course of the series. No more missing hand; no more agonizing pain in his side.

I have to admit “she left me some money” feels like a pretty anti-climatic way for Alivia to “help Rand die”? She wasn’t really involved in his “death” at all -- it was really Moiraine and Nynaeve who were the ones who ‘helped’ him die. I mean, any one of Min, Elayne, or Aviendha could have left him some money, since they all know he’s alive. I wonder if Jordan was originally thinking that Alivia would be the one joining Rand & Nynaeve for the cave journey, and it was Sanderson who decided that Moiraine would be more appropriate? Nothing distinctively Moiraine happens in that cave, not the way that Nynaeve was needed to be there to heal Alanna without using the Power. Like, this poor woman was harassed by Min for a handful of books because of that prophecy and all she did was leave Rand some money! Min better find her and apologize to her! (I already know that she won’t)

Haha, so confession: my brain edited out that new!Rand had lost saidin. My brain was just like “nope, of course he can still channel”. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of Rand not being a channeler at the end of the story, so that part I’m not thrilled about. He does have his newfound ability to use the threads of reality to basically channel anyway, though. Or at least I assume that’s what the pipe scene is about.

And then his thought, too, about ‘which’ of the women will follow him - yeah, you’re right that thinking that means you’ve gotten a swollen head! They all have responsibilities! Though since Rand leaves so abruptly here, there’s a lot that he doesn’t know, and the two things that most affect this specific question are: the extent of Aviendha’s injuries and the extent of Min’s involvement with the Seanchan. Literally zero of them is in a position to go chasing after Rand, even if they wanted to! Rand is the one who has no obligations and can easily visit them if he wants (well, maybe not ‘easily’ if Min does end up in the Empire).

But I can still remember, wow, what a relief it was that he was alive at the end, and free and unbound. The rest can be... adjusted by post-canon theories.

In terms of ‘things that aren’t covered but that we can probably assume’:

It does look like Elayne ended up with all three of the medallion copies -- the one Mellar used on her, the one that was on Birgitte’s body, and the third was with Lan and she probably reclaimed it (there’s nothing to indicate that Mat spoke with Lan and got it back), so the slaver empress never gets that medallion that Mat wanted to give her back in ToM. Tragic.

Despite Elayne and Tam speaking frequently over the course of AMoL, they somehow never speak about the whole grandkids issue. I feel like we can assume that this happens at some point, post-epilogue? Elayne and Aviendha both seem like they would go back to Caemlyn to rebuild. And Tam doesn’t really have a reason to go back to the Two Rivers at this point, so I can see him ending in Caemlyn too because: grandkids.

Technically, Min has slipped the Seanchan net at this point and could just not go back if she wants, so she can either go back to the Seanchan or she could go to Caemlyn with Elayne & Aviendha, but if she does stay away from the Seanchan, Tuon is going to try to get her back. Unless she was super-turned off by Min actually standing up to her in front of all the Blood and hastily makes Selucia her Truthspeaker again. That’s another possibility.

Ah, since we were told earlier that Melaine was about ready to give birth and Birgitte tells Elayne that she’s about to be reborn: Melaine might be her mom. I feel like Birgitte being reborn as Aiel sounds kinda fun.

I feel like Rand would not actually enjoy traveling all on his own after a while, given what we know about him, so he would probably end up visiting Caemlyn. And given how suspicious Nynaeve already is in the epilogue, I’m going to guess that she knows the truth by the time Rand goes to Caemlyn.

If Mat decides to leave the Seanchan behind at any point, he will probably also go to Caemlyn, and Mat and Rand can finally have a good reunion.

All in all, there are things about the ending that don’t thrill me but there are also things I really like. And having an ending at all helps in terms of sparking the imagination for fanfiction or meta or... an Amazon Prime television series. I don’t think we would have ever gotten the series if the books had stayed unfinished.

The epilogue checklist (and my theories about how it affected AMoL)

So, while reading AMoL, it felt like Sanderson took a couple of shortcuts in order to bruteforce the characters into reaching their epilogue endpoints, because there simply wasn’t enough time for it to happen naturally. This is my list of things that I believe got shortchanged due to “writing to the epilogue”:

Fortuona is pregnant in the epilogue: at the start of AMoL, Mat gets teleported to Ebou Dar without any kind of narrative or logistical explanation (contradicting his PoV chapter in the ending of ToM, where he was planning to return to Caemlyn, which would have thrust him directly into the main stories at play in the prologue & early chapters). I feel like part of it is that Sanderson really wanted to get that bun in the oven as quickly as possible.

“they expected something from the three of them; a show of some kind” : There’s just a wide acknowledgement in the epilogue that literally everyone knows that Rand has three girlfriends, so everyone just already knows in AMoL that Rand is in a relationship with three women now. No need for anyone to have emotional reactions to it, please! (not even Rand’s literal dad!) This one also ends up being weird because it seems to change from moment-to-moment whether or not the whole army knows that Rand has three girlfriends (if everyone knows already, why is Rand playing spy games with Elayne?).

Min is Fortuona’s pregnancy test: Min instantly respects ~Fortuona~ as an empress even while thinking that she doesn’t normally respect nobility. Bizarre, considering Min’s own history with the Seanchan from Falme.

Mat kills Fain: we got two super-quick glimpses of Fain earlier in the book to set up this moment but Mat had so much other stuff to do that Sanderson couldn’t really do more than say: yeah, Fain exists and he’s bad, lol.

Minor elements I think were affect by the epilogue:

Rand is still pondering over the idea of choosing between Elayne, Aviendha, or Min: we get Rand’s going “am I allowed to love three women? idk sounds fake” when he and Aviendha sleep together in chapter 4, which just was kinda silly. I think the epilogue is also the genesis of the vibe where Rand appears to consider “having sex with Min for months” to not be any kind of “choice” when it comes to the three women, but having a romantic interlude with Aviendha or Elayne would signal a choice -- because the epilogue acts like the situation between Rand and each of the three women is roughly equal, so “months of sex with Min” appears to hold the same emotional weight to Rand as “pining from afar with two nights of intense passion” does when he thinks of either Elayne or Aviendha.

Mat has no thoughts about any of the Westlands characters: I think that this is more of a subconscious effect -- as he focused more on the final book, I think Sanderson focused on the relationships highlighted in the all-important epilogue... and the only person that Mat cares about in the epilogue is himself *cough* I mean, Fortuona, of course, lol. In both TGS and in ToM, Mat’s deep affection for various Westlands characters was constantly on display, as shown in his own ‘loves lying to himself’ way. This gets curtailed in AMoL, especially in the early Ebou Dar chapters.

I think I’m going to let myself might let myself marinate over the various books before I post a final list of my personal ranking of the books.

One thing that I’ve really noticed is that, more than any other character, the quality of Mat’s storyline has a huge impact on my overall enjoyment of the book. In CoT & KoD, Elayne and Egwene (both of whom I love), got pretty good stories. But Mat’s story was so bad that it made it difficult for me to enjoy the good parts. But maybe some time just letting myself think about the series as a whole will balance out my thoughts. Does that make Mat my favorite character or just my most impactful character? idk. I feel like Elayne or Rand would more consistently hit the top of my favorites.

Overall top five characters throughout the entire series:

1. Elayne

2. Rand

3. Egwene

4. Mat (might be higher if not for CoT & KoD)

5. Nynaeve (might be higher if she didn’t basically disappear after she married Lan)

Then, moving on to the next favs, I think there’s more uncertainty there for me:

6. Verin, probably, but it could be Moiraine. Let’s say they tie.

7. Aviendha and Siuan can both go here. Both generally very good and interesting characters.

8. You know, I had a real turnaround with Gawyn in this reread of the books; I’m gonna put him here. He can share this spot with Leilwin née Egeanin.

9. Loial, probably. Needed more PoV; that would have been nice. I’ll put Faile here with him.

10. For more minor characters, I gotta give a shout-out to Narishma (favorite Asha’man), Sulin, Pevara during her Black Ajah Hunter phase, Olver is really good in his sections here in AMoL, Asmodean for being my favorite fail-Forsaken and Moghedien for sticking it out until the very end, Elaida honestly very fun PoV as far as villains go, Teslyn and Joline for being troopers and enduring Mat Cauthon at his very worst, my girl Berelain who always deserved better, the ‘Finn in general always lots of fun, Aludra and Juilin who always kept their integrity intact.

#wot #wheel of time #wot reread #wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #wot amol spoilers #wot a memory of light spoilers #mat cauthon #rand al'thor #elayne trakand #so it really feels like the 'main characters' of the actual last battle #were rand mat egwene and elayne #with everyone else being more of a secondary character #who helped the one of those main four storylines #posting this today because ao3 is being slightly iffy right now #so i'm going to post the next chapter of voice on thursday #and just give ao3 some time to work out whatever the connection issues are

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shankhachil · 5 months ago

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Countdown to JEE (Main): Week 4/33

This week's been a bit stressful because of unit tests and also because I haven't been very well, what with the weather change :') I did my best though!!

Test results:

Allen monthly test: 205/360, rank 2/8. In my defence, the questions were really hard and there were a few chapters I hadn't studied yet....

Topics covered:

Physics: Electrostatics; Electric Potential and Capacitance; Simple Harmonic Motion; Fluids; Modern Physics (5/3)

Chemistry: Alcohols, Phenols and Ethers; Halogen Derivatives; Isomerism; Ionic Equilibrium (4/3)

Mathematics: Matrices; Vectors; Differential Equations; Permutation and Combination (4/3)

Questions solved:

Physics: - Physics tuition question bank, Electrostatics and Electric Potential and Capacitance — 123 questions, 114 correct - Allen Electrostatics module, S — 28 questions, 25 correct - Physics tuition Potential and Capacitance module — 38 questions, 35 correct - Physics tuition Electrostatics module — 31 questions, 27 correct - Allen Student Question Bank, Simple Harmonic Motion — 40 questions, 32 correct - Allen Student Question Bank, Fluids — 20 questions, 20 correct Total: 280/60 questions, 253 correct

Chemistry: - Allen Organic RACE 1,2,3,4,5 — 50 questions, 43 correct - Allen Physical RACE 11, 12, 13, 14 — 40 questions, 34 correct - FIITJEE Alcohols, Phenols and Ethers module, Exercises 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 — 48 questions, 42 correct - Kota Question Bank, Halogen Derivatives, single-choice, multiple-choice, comprehension and matching-type — 162 questions, 138 correct - Kota Question Bank, Alcohols, Ethers and Epoxy, single-choice — 70 questions, 55 correct - Kota Question Bank, Isomerism, single-choice questions — 51 questions, 42 correct Total: 421/60 questions, 354 correct

Mathematics: - Cengage Algebra Matrices, multiple-correct questions — 33 questions, 26 correct - Allen Differential Equations module, O3 and O4 — 20 questions, 16 correct - FIITJEE JEE (Advanced) archives, Permutation and Combination — 31 questions, 26 correct - Yellow Book, Permutation and Combination, single-choice — 26 questions, 24 correct Total: 110/60 questions, 92 correct

GRAND TOTAL: 811/400 questions, 699 correct

I!!!! Still!!!! Need to work on my accuracy!!! it's so frustrating but I promise I am Trying My Best

Upcoming tests:

28/06 (Friday) — Test at physics tuition center (JEE (Advanced) pattern). Topics: Motion in One and Two Dimensions; Units and Dimensions; Electrostatics; Potential and Capacitance; General Organic Chemistry; Halogen Derivatives; Chemical Thermodynamics and Thermochemistry; Alcohols, Phenols, and Ethers.

30/06 (Sunday) — Online test for mathematics tuition (JEE (Advanced) pattern). Topics: Trigonometry; Logarithms; Quadratic Equations; Sequences and Series; Trigonometric Equations; Permutation and Combination; Functions; Limits, Continuity and Differentiability

See you again next week!

#studyblr #desi studyblr #study blog #jee 2025 #joint entrance examination #jee mains #jee advanced #weekly studyposting #porashona

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lovelyladyabsinthewrites · 10 months ago

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From the Ashes Pt. 35

Pairing(s): Pairing(s): Rhaegar Targaryen x Lannister!Reader, one-sided!Jaime Lannister x Lannister!Reader, Jaime Lannister x Cersei Lannister

Warnings: slow burn fic, changing povs, MC POV, long chapter ahead

Words: 6023

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 3.5 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42

Book Two of Dārilaros hen ōrbar se perzys (Heir of Ash and Fire)

Panting and reeling away from her personal brazier, Alizah closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Her face was still warm from the gentle licks the fire gave her as she had been staring deep into its flames. She had to know of any situations that might follow them to Asshai. Especially with confronting the darkins in their own realm. Alizah had never anticipated seeing a screeching dragon in her visions. So clear, the dragon had emerged from an egg that was being held by (y/n). Soaring through the rippling orange and yellow before growing ever larger and landing next to its mistress.

Alizah pulled up a chair and mulls over what she had just seen and the true meaning behind it. If only she was able to write down what she saw like many of the other red priestesses. Alas her blind eyes would merely be able to make scribbles. The only time she ever saw clearly was looking into the heat of the things, the soul of a being. She knew it would be wise to tell High Priest Benerro, after all she was his shining star in the whole temple and was heavily relied on. That’s how the temple knew (y/n) was in Volon Therys. And it was the vision of a box being delivered by a stranger that tied into the scenes she had seen at that moment.

When Ser Barristan Selmy had arrived on the doorsteps with a dark wood box under his arm, she had seen the warmth emanating from inside. It was a sleeping warmth that she had nearly waved off for it was a faint flicker. A box from Thalina.

“Did she actually succeed?” Alizah thought out loud to just herself. Thalina’s talent in reading the flames had been growing steadily before her departure to Westeros. Helped by Alizah and Melisandre, there were high hopes for her but only a handful of people knew of Thalina’s ultimate fate. Thalina had seen her own end but had just laughed it off. She never did like being serious. The air around her was always jubilant and Thalina had always been a smiling fool. That was the impression she left on everyone in the temple.

“I’m sorry. . .” Alizah whispered behind her hand after Thalina had told her how her life would end.

Thalina merely cocked her head to one side, her long braids shifting ever so slightly. “For what?”

“That you will not live a long life. That you will die in Westeros. . .”

Her laugh had surprised Alizah and Melisandre who had also been present. There in that solemn council room sat the senior red priest members Hayri and Iomhar, as they were the ones to be in attendance when the High Priest was unable to physically be there. “Ah, I’m not too worried about that. I’m more so concerned about getting all of my tasks done before that happens. If I can accomplish all that I have set forth in front of me, then I can die happily.”

“You shouldn’t be so callous when talking about your own death.” Iomhar growled but it didn’t dampen her smile. “The temple has so few people who can read the flames as well as you three can. To lose one would be a setback.”

Hayri, although perturbed by the revelations, shakes his head at his younger companion. “Settle down, Iomhar. Thalina is thinking about the bigger picture. We won’t need any more readers if she procures Azor Ahai reborn.”

Thalina beamed and nodded enthusiastically. “Exactly! If I’m able to get her here. . . Then I would have done my job. But there is also one more thing I aim to do.”

“And what is that?”

“Why, bring back dragons of course!”

Bring back dragons. . .

It was too crazy a thought, that’s what everyone was thinking at the time. Melisandre was the only one who didn’t think it quite as crazy. She had said it was exactly what Azor Ahai reborn would need to truly make a stand. Alizah had never thought that Thalina would actually succeed in procuring a dragon egg.

“You were always a crazy girl.” Her voice was sad as she thought back on the girl who was the same age as her yet already gone from this plain of existence. Everything Thalina did, she did fearlessly. An admirable quality. “Guess I’ll have to be the same. You have left her in my care. I will see to it that your visions come true, Thalina.”

Also important in the back of her mind was making sure that Rhiannon would be guided in the right path. That didn’t appear to be a problem. Rhiannon had immediately attached herself to (y/n) and (y/n) to her

They filled the empty spot in which Thalina’s death had left them.

A festive atmosphere had claimed Volantis, especially around the Red Temple; the hub of the ceremony. None of the jovial air reached you though. Thinking of being in front of so many people still made you nervous. All eyes would be on you. You hadn’t felt such trepidation since your wedding. There would be more people at your ceremony and certain expectations had already been set for you. You wouldn’t become Princess (y/n) Targaryen, no, you would be crowned as Azor Ahai reborn; the champion of R’hllor and the ender of the long night.

Your ceremonial headdress solemnly sat on its pillow. Tyrion had playfully tried it on and nearly toppled over, not used to such an accessory. While the robes had once belonged to Azor Ahai, the headdress was completely new, made specifically for you and this occasion. Inanna and another young temple girl named Farah were helping you get dressed, slipping your arm through the gilded sleeves. They chatted excitedly as they did so, apparently the temple was making this a very big deal. After all, their savior had finally been reincarnated and walking on the earth among them. The people of Volantis were already crowding near the bridge to get a sneak peek of the set up. Servants were setting up a pyre right outside the doors of the temple. A special feast was being prepared as well.

While Rhiannon positioned a gold armor breastplate in front of your chest, you examine your painted hands which Siofra had done for you. The dye was a dark brown and in intricate designs. You were worried about smudging it but tall Siofra merely laughed and told you it would not be an issue. The only thing that would wash away the ink would be hot water and soap.

Personally you didn’t think that it was an appropriate time to have your ceremony, but High Priest Benerro along with his council of priests insisted the people of Volantis see the face of Azor Ahai reborn before you left for Asshai.And most importantly to witness Lightbringer with their own eyes. You were nervous, what if you weren’t able to conjure up the flames when the time came? You had still been unable to call upon it freely, not since your fight with Inniros. Without its holy flames, Lightbringer was just like any other sword.

Farah helps Rhiannon by tightening the armor’s straps behind you. When her warm eyes flick up to your face, Rhiannon frowns. “Are you okay? You don’t look too well.”

Inanna pops up, having been helping Tyrion with his own outfit. Even Tyrion looks up with concern. “Perhaps I should get nuha kosh something to eat?”

Tyrion shakes his head. “Get her some tea. You don’t want her to develop an upset stomach and throw up during her ceremony.”

She smiles sweetly, making Tyrion’s cheeks turn a vibrant pink. “Ah, that’s a better idea! Good thinking Lord Tyrion.”

In the corner of your room, lounging at your round table was Jaime and Inniros being briefed on their roles by Alizah and Melisandre. Behind Inniros was Sirvart leaning against the wall but with a cautious eye on the darkin, her whip at the ready. The red priest Kafele, a man in his middle age, was in attendance as well to decorate Jaime’s own hands with the same dye Siofra had used on you. Initially he had grimaced when the older man had walked up to him with it and outright refusing. Tyrion told him to suck it up and to add salt to his wound had Kafele paint his own hands. Jaime, not being one to be outshined, relented.

Inanna goes to the packed table and pours you a cup of tea that would calm you. Carefully you take it from her small dark hands and thank her. A chair is also brought over to you so you could sit down and relax for a moment. Rhiannon helped you sit, holding your robes in such a way where they wouldn’t get stuck under you. “I’m fine. I’m just worried about using Lightbringer in front of all those people. I haven’t been able to summon the flames.”

“When the time is right, you will.” Melisandre says, although it didn’t necessarily make you feel any better. All you could do was blindly trust in her cryptic words.

“Maybe you just need to stab Inniros’ shadow again.” Jaime grins and teasingly looks at the bored darkin.

Inniros doesn’t blink an eye at Jaime’s remark, merely shrugging. “You can try.”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t think that’s necessary.”

Rhiannon hums thoughtfully, sitting at your feet and resting her head against your knees. “What emotions were you feeling when you first summoned Lightbringer’s flames?”

Thinking back to that day, you grow silent and close your eyes. You attempted to put yourself back there in your mind. You remember seeing Jaime, held down by Inniros’ shadow and about to be killed. Rage had filled you. Unadulterated rage ran through your veins and the urge to protect your older brother. Such an intense feeling was something you had never felt. Sorrow was nothing new to you. Even growing up with your cruel sister and distant father, you hadn’t felt resentment, only sadness that they didn’t love you or even care for you. Rage and anger was something entirely new to you.

You look at Jaime who wasn’t particularly paying attention until the red priest puts down his brush and turns around in his seat to face you. Kafele had the starting of wrinkles around his dark eyes and a peppered beard that covered his lower face. The top of his head was bald and shining. “Maybe you should call upon whatever you were feeling during that experience.”

“I’m not particularly angry about anything though. . .” You whisper against the rim of your cup.

“You have plenty to be angry about though!” chirps your little brother as he climbs atop of your bed, his red robes drag behind him. “Just think about all the things Cersei and father have done to you! And King Aerys!”

“I’m guessing you’re not used to feeling such a toxic feeling.” Alizah gently smiles.

“Obviously. Don’t you remember how she looked the first time we met her?” Sirvart speaks up from her place. “She didn’t even look like she could harm a fly. So sweet and wide eyed. Like a rabbit.”

Thinking for a moment, Jaime leans in his chair. “Well Cersei did use to call you a mouse.”

Clapping her hands, Sirvart nods. “That sounds more accurate!”

Blushing at their description of you, you still doubted that you could come up with such an intense rush again. It had nearly consumed you and. . . and something seemed to wake up inside of you. A feral beast that had been sleeping for so long. Just thinking about it made your heart pick up pace.

Rhiannon’s upside down face calms you back down and forces you to put on a wavering smile.

“It’s not the end of everything if you can’t do it yet.” Alizah’s words do happen to give you peace of mind. You trusted her word. “Of course Benerro will want you to show off, an actual testament that you are indeed Azor Ahai reborn. You’re still getting used to fighting with it. The two of you need to know eachother better. You and Lightbringer. It may be a sword, but it’s an extension of yourself and of the power of R’hllor.”

You had never really thought about it like that. If only you knew more about the actual Azor Ahai and how he had done all the things that was expected of him. True, the temple put you through lessons on their faith and history, never on a personal level. You had learned hymns and the many trials that Azor Ahai went through to forge Lightbringer. Definitely nothing you had to do. He had labored thirty days and thirty nights to forge the sword. Even then it broke had he had to repeat his actions again. And then again. Someone made your Lightbringer. Maybe it was because you didn’t put in your blood, sweat and tears into the steel? There was no personal connection.

Finishing up your tea, Rhiannon stood and took it from your waiting hand. She lingers before whispering for just your ears to hear “Don’t worry. Thalina had faith in you. Have faith in Thalina too.”

The first true smile you felt in the entire day warmed you from the inside. You couldn’t worry about it. Worrying now would do nothing for you in the long run. When the moment came, well, then you would deal with it. Thalina had gotten you this far and she hadn’t been wrong yet.

You nod and catch Jaime’s gaze. Hardly ever having his emotions on his sleeves, you saw evident worry in the depths of his eyes. The two of you had gone through so much. You had spent more time with him in Essos than you ever had growing up in Casterly Rock. Growing to know each other like the back of your hands you knew Jaime was concerned with all this fanfare and the pressure it was putting on you. He kept his thoughts to himself and merely pressed his lips together, returning his attention to the artful details being painted onto his hands and running up to his elbow. The dye was meant for warriors afterall. Sirvart was displaying her own designs as her arms were folded, obediently observing the darkin.

Going back to preparing the boys, Melisandre finishes with her words directed to Inniros. “I know you boys will be on your best behavior today. It will be the most important day of your lives. The world will know that (y/n) is Azor Ahai reborn.”

For the first time, Inniros showed interest. “The whole world?”

Melisandre nods, narrowing her eyes at him in suspicion. “Of course.”

“Even all the way to Westeros?”

Rhiannon caught on fast and a new sense of dread made her clutch her skirts. “The king will know she’s alive then. And. . . your sister will know where you are.”

Had she told you that a few months ago, most likely you would have been stricken with the same fear. You felt nothing though. If all of Westeros knew you were alive, Rhaegar would know too. Hope sprung up immediately and you couldn’t stop your smile from widening. “I’m not scared of Cersei. Or of Aerys.”

Melisandre smiled at you with great pride and even Sirvart smirked. The female Fiery Hand chuckles. “You certainly have grown since your days stumbling in Volon Therys.”

On your night stand was the box which the ancient dragon egg had been hiding. You get up from your seat and wander over to it, making sure your back concealed what you were looking at. But Tyrion knew as he craned his neck slightly on your bed. With the hope bubbling in you, touching the rough scales of the egg seemed to amplify that light feeling that tickled your chest. Rhaegar will know you’re alive. Hopefully once he knew maybe he would come for you once the war was over. Better yet, you hoped he would wait for your eventual return. You would always return to him. Now it felt like a closer reality.

Gentle footsteps fall behind you and in one fluid motion, you hide your opal and turn around. Alizah is standing in front of you, that permanent gentle smile. “Nuha kosh, may I have a private word with you in the antechamber?”

“Of course.” Picking up the skirts of your robes as not to get the hem dirty, you walk over to her.

“You as well, Rhiannon.” She addresses Rhiannon who had been polishing your ceremonial headwear. Slightly confused as to her summons, Rhiannon steadily joins you over to the door that leads to the antechamber. The walls are curved making the room a circular shape with a royal blue rug on the floor. A stout, round coffee table was in the center, surrounded by dark orange cushions. Other multi-colored pillows were present for added comfort.

Rhiannon made herself comfortable, laying on her side across the cushions. Honestly it was unladylike since she was in a dress, but that’s what you liked about Rhiannon. She was so comfortable with herself.

Without any assistance, Alizah sits down on the plush ground and looks up at you. Her smile widens at your expression. “Don’t look so worried. I was merely wanting to discuss the matter of that box that was so kindly delivered by Barristan Selmy.”

You had been waiting for one of the Red Temple clergy to ask you about it and you knew it lay heavy on their minds. If it was from Thalina that meant it was something of great importance. The question was on their tongues but they were willing to wait until you were ready to tell them.

Nodding, you decide that you trust Alizah enough to tell her the truth about what Thalina had sent you and the darkin confirming it’s true nature.

None of what you told her seemed to surprise the red priestess one bit. “And Rhiannon, you were the one who solved the puzzle to break open the box. How clever of your older sister. She planned out everything thus far and the events have been executed precisely. (y/n), Rhiannon, Thalina had another goal besides bringing the two of you together. Something else she had foreseen in the flames and that was bringing back dragons.”

That made Rhiannon sit up, her brows scrunched. “Bring back dragons? Thalina saw that actually happening?”

She nods and glances at you. “(y/n) is the key to everything. That is why I’m not too concerned if you can’t summon the fire of Lightbringer. Because during the ceremony you will take that egg and hatch it in front of all to see.”

You gawked at her before laughing nervously. When Alizah didn’t say she was kidding, you stopped and became anxious once more. “I think it would be more simple to try and get Lightbringer’s flames to surface. But, dragons Alizah. . . Dragons haven’t been seen for a century. Even Aerys couldn’t resurrect the last surviving dragon eggs. And now you truly expect me to do the impossible.”

“Thalina didn’t think it too impossible.” Alizah replies but pats the spot next to her for you to sit. “Relax. I have a plan set up. I’ve seen in my own visions a great pyre in which you sit in the center with your dragon egg.”

“She’ll burn!” Rhiannon exclaimed, looking panicked at the mere thought.

You were about to agree with her but then a faint memory arises; you laying down on the cushioned grass, still smelling of smoke while Jaime told you of the events that had previously taken place. You were still weak and slightly ill but you could never forget Jaime telling you how despite your room being up in flames, they didn’t touch you. Even as the fire consumed your bed and the corpse of Thalina. You had remained in one piece with no burn marks.

Alizah seemed to read your thoughts with her vacant, dark eyes. “Fire will not harm you. Not R’hllor’s champion.”

Rhiannon didn’t like it though, her fingers curling into her palm as she rocked on her heels. “We can’t risk it. . . If fire does harm her-”

“That’s the thing about faith. Sometimes you have to squash down your worries and blindly hope that things will work out. When you have a higher power to trust in, anything may be possible.”

“Sure, blindly believe. But what if your theory proves to be wrong? I’m not-” You noticed Rhiannon’s eyes begin to shine with the threat of tears that she tried to brusquely wipe away. “-I’m not losing another sister.”

Ever so slowly your own vision became hazy as your own tears became obstructive. Not even Cersei had claimed you with such pride and worry as her sister. Yet here Rhiannon was, calling you her sister. A lump developed in your throat as you try not to cry. They wouldn’t obey you and tears soon trickled down your cheek. It was too sweet and too heartbreaking.

“You told me to believe in Thalina, Rhiannon.” You took a deep breath and dabbed at your eyes with the sleeve of your robes. “To have faith in her. I’m scared too, but Thalina has yet to be wrong. If she saw that I was the one to bring back dragons, then I must be. Right? And If Alizah sees me not succumbing to the fire, then all I can do is try and live up to her vision.”

Pursed lips, Rhiannon’s shoulder trembled a little bit as her mind spiraled with all of the negative outcomes that could happen.

“In order to even hope to have the courage to go through with this, I need you by my side.” If Rhiannon wasn’t there with you to transfer her endless supply of bravery, you knew you would crumble on the spot.

“You shouldn’t let your fear show, Viserys is like an animal. He can smell fear.” Thalina had told you one day after he had threatened you. You had witnessed first hand the cruelty of Viserys after he had taken a blade and cut off Thalina’s beautiful braids. That incident had made you steer clear of the young Targaryen prince. He had the same malicious tendencies as Cersei.

“But he scares me.” You whimpered.

Thalina laughs. “That little squid? Trust me, he is nothing to fear. He’s just a bully. You just have to show him that you aren’t going to put up with his attitude.”

“I can’t do that. He’s a prince of the Seven Kingdoms. If I do something to displease him, he’ll tell the king.”

Moving a piece of your dirty blonde hair behind your ear, Thalina hums. “But you are Rhaegar’s future bride. One day you will be queen. That trumps being a prince. Viserys will be second in line for the throne until you produce an heir. Then he will be obsolete.”

When Viserys had cut off her hair, Thalina was livid and had grabbed the prince to promptly spank him on his rear. The horror you felt watching it. You had been sure that there would be terrible repercussions from her actions. You had tried to get Thalina to run away, worried that there would be guards showing up at any moment to execute her. But there was none. Only the matronly septa who turned her head, pretending not to see anything. Viserys had run howling to Queen Rhaella but received another reprimand from his mother.

You always wished you could be fearless like Thalina. Being next to her, you could feel her courage seep into you for as long as Thalina was by your side. When she was around you weren’t afraid of Viserys but Viserys was afraid of Thalina.

“I no longer have Thalina in my life. I need you Rhiannon.”

Gulping down her emotions, Rhiannon wipes her face. She was trying her best to put on a tough facade. Helplessly she looks at you with red rimmed eyes and determination.

“Then it shall be done, mandia(sister).”

A weight was lifted off of you. Now you could confidently ask Alizah “What do you need me to do?”

“Promise me one thing.” Jaime had one hand on the handle of the temple’s front door. A giant of a structure that led out to the crowd you could hear waiting with anticipation to see you.

Rhiannon on your left and Tyrion accompanying you on your right, you glance at your older brother.He didn’t look straight at you, choosing to keep his gaze focused forward.

Your entourage that trailed behind you stood silently.

Your left hand held your large opal while the other kept a steady grip on Lightbringer’s pommel. “What’s that?”

“Please don’t burn to a crisp.”

“Jaime!” Rhiannon remarks in a sharp tone before shaking her head with exasperation.

Actually you quite appreciated Jaime’s lighthearted attempt at diffusing your nerves that were already at a debilitating amount. “Hah, yeah, I’ll try.”

“You know what I mean.” He takes a deep breath.

“Do you not think I can do it?”

“Absolutely not.” Finally turning in him, you take all of Jaime in. The scar under his dancing green eyes. His long braid he had incorporated into his hair, casually resting on his shoulder. He wore armor over his ceremonial garb with vambraces that shimmered gold. Rubies and topaz decorated the rimmed arc “I would be a fool if I thought you couldn’t do this. I witnessed the most impossible things. Well, nothing seems impossible when you’re concerned. I know you can do this. Just. . . I’m still going to worry about you and feel like this could go terribly. And Tyrion, you look completely calm.”

“I believe in her too.” Tyrion smiles up at you, his long, curly hair framing his large forehead.

A knock from the outside was your signal to begin your descent to the circular plateau that led out to the plaza market of Volantis.

“The priests are ready for you, nuha kosh.” Melisandre instructed you, her hands folded in front of her and head held high.

Show time.

The booming voice of High Priest Benerro penetrated the door, a stream of words in Valyrian that were deaf on your ears as you tried to keep your composure. Heavily concentrated on your breathing, you stare as the doors slowly open; the other had been pulled open by Iyan. Bright, blinding sunlight makes your eyes squint up. You held the egg closer to your side, mentally trying to reach out to the warmth inside. That soothing closeness that reassured you.

Hanging tapestries that blew in the partial breeze portrayed the Red Temple’s burning heart against scarlet fabric. In the vestibule, the bridge was blocked off by Fiery Hands that held their weapons at the ready. People nearly spilled over them but you knew it would take a lot more to get past your guards. They clamoured on tip toes to try and be the one to catch the first glimpse of Azor Ahai.

The heat from the pyre in the center could be felt from miles away. There was no way you could get past the loud pounding of your heart in your ears to listen to the High Priest’s introduction. At a slow pace, you step forward until the sunlight fully reveals you for all to see. Vibrations from their cries of jubilation shook you to your core and you nearly lost the will to move forward had Rhiannon not given you an encouraging nudge.

Go on (y/n). You can do this. Even if every inch of me is trembling. . .

Summoning strength from your tightly clutched dragon egg you stiffly continue your walk until you are right next to Benerro. He had his arms out, welcoming the world to you.

“Chin up, (y/n).” Joanna smiled patiently, her index finger coaxing your chin up so that your eyes met hers. “There we go. That’s much better. Let everyone see your face.”

Remembering her words, you hesitantly raise your gaze up, your crown pulling you up. His tattooed face breaks out in a smile despite his mouth appearing to actually lack lips, the sun beating down on his bald head. Under the light of day, his pale face almost looked skeletal. You always thought he was a little ominous looking, but he had always been good to you so brushed off his horrendous appearance.

“Se dārilaros bona iksin kivio. Ōñosmaghare's āeksio se Rullor's kosh. Kessa mazilībagon se path va perzys se udrāzma iā azantyr naejot pryjagon se azantyr hen tolie. Rytsas se kosh qilōni kessa iōragon against sȳndror ,(y/n) Targārien. Azōr Ahaī sigligon! (The princess that was promised. Lightbringer's master and R'hllor's champion. She will set the path on fire and command an army to destroy the forces of the Others. Welcome the champion who will stand against darkness ,(y/n) Targaryen. Azor Ahai reborn!)” His thin and feeble stature betrayed his loud booming voice that reached even those who were looking out their balconies and windows. The city streets were completely covered in civilians. Not even when you married Rhaegar at the sept had there been so many people. They moved like a wave vibrating with energy enough to overwhelm you. You stood tall though and took a deep breath.

You knew Benerro wanted you to say a speech. Actions were louder than words though and you passed by him, down the small flight of stairs, Rhiannon falling beside you easily without a word. The red priests that were gathered along the sides murmured nervously, unsure of what you were about to do.

Closer to the fire until even the crowd started to voice their worry. From your periphery you noticed an older priest pull at the arm of a Fiery Hand who merely shook their head, having been given strict instructions from Weles not to interfere.

Face to face with the inferno, tongues of flames whipped out at you. While the heat was indeed intense, it wasn’t so bad as to deter you. No, a comfort of sorts beckoned you closer.

Before you stepped a foot any further, you shed yourself of your gaudy garlands and ancient robes that would be quickly engulfed in flames. Even the spiked crown made of precious gold. Everything that could be potentially destroyed were discarded, leaving you in a short sleeved, white dress made of soft cotton. It had taken so long to put on you yet mere seconds to take off. You unsheath Lightbringer and pierce an opening into the tall flames. The closer you were to the fire, the safer you felt. Worried shouts from the audience were suddenly becoming a mere muffle. Your hearing was overcome with the crackling of wood as the flames appeared to be parting just for you. Making a way to the heart of the pyre. Enclosing you in like a fairy nestled inside of a flower, you stare all around you.

Cozy was the first word that came to you. Flames did indeed start eating at your dress. If this did indeed work, then that meant you would be naked in front of possibly thousands of people. A self conscious thought you couldn’t help but think about as you saw your naked skin become visible.

You look down at the egg you were holding, your sword hand trembling a little as you held the blade up. Alright. . . If there’s still life in you, please, please let this be enough heat for you.

Cradling it closer against your chest, you carefully rest your chip atop of it’s soft teardrop shape. “It’s just us in here. It’s okay.” You squeezed your eyes shut and prayed. They were ancient prayers that Melisandre had told you of in a language that you had never heard before. She said they would help to stoke the flames if the heat needed to be increased. You muttered them quickly and with fervor. Within seconds you felt the temperature rise abruptly and it even made you begin to sweat. Slowly you brought your sword arm down and to your delight, Lightbringer’s own steel was swept up in it’s own flames. They didn’t tarnish your blade and you felt the same swirl of familiarity surge through you. You smiled wide and continued your chanting.

In your arms you felt a heartbeat and around you the flames began to depict figures. One looked like your regal mother, prim and proper smiling at you. The other was Thalina.

The figure of a man you didn't know manifested, tall and burly with long hair that whipped in the flickering flames. Features of his face were obscured and unclear, but you saw his cheeky smile.

The cracking of the shell as you felt the egg begin to budge.

Your orange blanket of safety began to dance erratically.

Pure joy had you crying when you saw a piece of the shell pop off.

An eager mouth poking out.

You became part of the pure warmth of the fire. Twining arms came out to hold you and you swore you could hear your mother's voice whisper in your ear.

The structure around the pyre began to crumble under the pressure of the rising flames as they seemed to reach for the sky.

Many people had begun to disperse, fearful of what would happen.

Jaime was starting to feel light headed, not realizing that he hadn’t been breathing since (y/n) stepped into the fire. His eyes were starting to burn and the smoke was almost unbearable.

The red priests and priestesses were not as concerned. They had been chanting louder and louder. Picking up tempo, Jaime noticed the flames begin to creep down. Intervention of the darkin brought the fire down immensely before his shadows completely snuffed it out, creeping back to their caverns and crevices. Jaime had never thought that the darkin would be able to use his shadow magic against the fire. It was bright after all and the light of it could have eaten his pathetic shadows.

“Have you not heard of that saying, Jaime?” Inniros, seeming to read his mind, glared at him with his only eye. Looking at him made Jaime feel sick. He was unnatural. “The brightest lights cast the darkest shadows.”

Did everyone in the continent have to speak in that annoying, mystical manner? It annoyed him to no end that everything just had to be so vague with them.

With the flames having all but disappeared, he could see his sister and finally he allowed himself to start breathing again. Good, she was okay. Still standing with Lightbringer’s flames still burning despite her clothes having been burned off leaving her in her own skin. Her once long hair had been diminished to the length of her jawline and was patchy but even so she seemed alright.

Nothing could have prepared him for the wriggling creature in (y/n)’s ash covered arms. The creature that mewled pathetically to everyone's great shock as some red priests even jumped back when they heard the abnormal sound.

He knew this had been Alizah’s plan. They had informed everyone before making the descent to the ceremony what was to be expected leaving no time for Jaime to interject. He had to go along with whatever she told him.

Still. . . Jaime could only stare and smile like a maniac.

Of course she did it.

What was left of the crowd were starting to lean in, finding it hard to believe their own vision. Then there was a cheer from the congregation of Red Temple priests. Cheers grew to a deafening roar. Those who had run away at the sight of the towering inferno soon came back hesitantly at the cries of disbelief that were emerging.

The small dragon in (y/n)’s arms stretched its wings, the scales sparkling in different flecks of green, blue, yellow, and pink. Its small shriek could still be heard over the clamour.

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