#the way she SOBS in the final verse of i dreamed a dream

[spale-vosver]

were the set conditions for the les mis movie absolutely atrocious? yes

did anne hathaway still serve cunt? also yes

[kyracooneyx23]

I loved you Leah Williamson fic! I was wondering if you could do a Lucy Bronze x matildas reader where reader and lucy both player for barca and then they verse each other in the world cup semi final

Don't Be Sorry - Lucy Bronze

Lucy bronze x matildas!reader

summary - the Matildas lose to England in the semi final of the womens world cup and you take the blame.

warnings - death threats and hate comments

90+ minutes of you playing your heart out, the hope of a World Cup final promised if your team could get the result you desperately wanted slipped through your fingers as the dreaded sound of the full-time whistle rang through your mind. You collapse to the floor, face buried in your hands as you feel your tears wet the floor around you. The salty taste burned your already parched throat as you sobbed into your hand.

You were never an emotional person over football, but you had the weight of an entire country resting on your shoulders and you had let them down.

This was the moment you had spent your life working towards, ever since you were 4 years old, when you first watched a game of women's football you had made it your goal to one day be like the women you had seen on your screen. You promised yourself that one day you would represent your country in a World Cup, and now that dream had become reality you had stuffed everything up.

The haunting images of the ball flying past you and into the net still haunts you. You had the chance to stop the ball from going in but stuck your leg out too far and the ball went right past.

Not only did you feel like you had let down your fans, you had let down your teammates as well. It was your job as the team's main center-back to stop the goals and you failed. It was a stupid mistake for Tony to pick you to start, even more stupid that he'd kept you on the full game.

You felt the England player's hands patting you softly on the back, but you didn't bother getting up to congratulate them on their success not feeling up to facing other people.

'Hey, it's going to be ok y/n/n.' You hear the soft, comforting whisper of your captain, whose voice makes you sob even harder. You roll over onto your back so you can see her properly, out of everyone on this pitch you knew you owed her a proper apology.

'I'm so sorry Sam.' Your voice is hoarse and it pains you to see her tear-stained cheeks 'I let the whole team down, I know how much this meant to you. I'm sorry for ruining it, you deserved the win.' You burst into tears again as your captain pulled you into a warm embrace, rubbing your back to try and calm you down.

'This is not your fault.' She says, her voice is stern but you know she's not using the tone in a mean way, 'You played your heart out. I'm not allowing you or anyone to take the blame for the result. Every single person who has pulled on the green and gold jersey this tournament needs to be proud of everything they have done. We've made history this World Cup and that can't be forgotten because of one game. We still have the bronze medal match, we need to dust ourselves off and focus on winning that.' Your breathing slows down, knowing you were overreacting and that Sam was right. You needed to concentrate on the third-place game, there was still a chance to bring home some silverware for your country.

As you rose from the ground, extending congratulations to several of the Lionesses for their victory, you found yourself mid-conversation with Kyra and Mini. Suddenly, you felt the gentle embrace of two arms encircling your waist and a head nestling into the curve of your neck.

You turn around, enveloping your girlfriend in an embrace, the silent language of your intertwined bodies speaks more than any words could in the moment. It was a relief to be in the arms that felt more like home than anywhere else, her presence was all you needed to feel slightly better. Tears trickle down your cheeks again, a release from the flood of emotions that have become too overwhelming.

After a while the silence is broken 'I'm so sorry,' Lucy whispers into your ear 'I know how much this meant to you baby, I wish it didn't have to end this way.' You shake your head at her words, not wanting to ruin the special moment that she had also worked so hard for.

'Luc, don't be sorry. I'm not hearing it. Go and make the most of this moment. You deserve it.' You say pulling out of the hug, not wanting your disappointment to ruin her occasion, you knew better than anyone how much effort Lucy put into getting here in her career.

Lucy looks at you with sincerity in her eyes, you can see how excited she is to have made it to a World Cup final, but she still stays with you instead of celebrating with her team. You know you would've done the same thing if the roles were reversed but you still feel bad for keeping her away. 'Babe, go celebrate, I know you want to.' You tell her, your tone almost demanding.

But she doesn't leave your side and for the next 15 minutes she's constantly peppering your face with kisses and expressing words of admiration and respect, acknowledging the relentless dedication you had put into getting here. You keep trying to push her away but she refuses to leave, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and keeping you tucked as close to her as she possibly could not letting you free anytime soon.

Whilst you walk around the pitch together the fact that you two are rivals dissolves, no one would know that one of you had just lost to the other in a World Cup semi-final if it wasn't for the two different jerseys the two of you were wearing.

You gaze at her, and you know that you look like the biggest simp for her as you send her a loving look. The fan's edits after this match would be crazy.

The two of you were a popular couple that the fans adored even though you two had never properly gone public with your relationship, you just weren't the best at keeping it much of a secret.

Neither of you minded though, you found both the tiktoks quite funny.

After a little more walking around with Lucy, you know you can't let her stay with you any longer. 'You've poured your heart into every match, every training session,' you murmur, your voice barely a whisper against the loud atmosphere. 'You deserve this win more than anyone. This victory is yours, you've earned it through all your determination and hard work. Now please go and celebrate, I know that you'll be greatly missed in the changing rooms. I refuse to keep you to myself anymore, we'll have so much time just the two of us back in Barca. I love you, now enjoy your win' You tell her managing to wriggle free from her tight grip and place a light kiss on her lips, which she tries to deepen before you pull away laughing lightly at her clinginess.

'I love you sunshine.' She tells you blowing you a kiss before running over to her teammates who all bring her in for a large group hug. You smile at her almost forgetting how you'd felt only a short time ago.

Seeing Lucy happy made you happy.

'Hello, Miss Bronze.' Caitlin says standing beside you and you can hear the smirk in her voice. 'Care to join your team anytime soon or are you going to keep staring at your girl like a freak for the rest of the night?' She laughs and you shove her slightly.

'I'm coming, you can piss off now.' You tell the brunette, following her towards the team huddle not too far away from where you were. Steph and Kyra wrap their arms around you as you squeeze into the team circle.

The circle is quieter than your previous huddles, the energy gone from the disappointing loss and everyone exhausted from the game you'd just played.

Tony speaks to everyone, telling us it's not over yet and we can't stop working. The talk is coming to an end when he begins to talk about how we should all be very proud of ourselves 'You girls should all be extremely proud of what you have done,' he waves his hand across the sea of fans in green and gold, still screaming and cheering despite the loss. 'Every single one of you has won the hearts of a nation, you have inspired generations to come, and have changed the future of women's football in Australia. That is an incredible achievement.' A small round of applause echoes throughout the group and Tony finishes up the talk letting everyone head off.

All the girls do one more lap of the field, thanking the fans for their support before quickly getting changed and heading back to the hotel, everyone wanting a good nights rest after the long day.

The next day, the bright sun and Kyra's snoring wakes you up. You chuck a pillow at her, laughing at her annoyed grunts and swearing before getting out of bed, showering, and getting changed. You're quick, not wanting to be late for Lucy as the two of you had planned to go out for coffee this morning. You were excited to see how hungover she would be, you'd be surprised if she even managed to get out of bed this morning.

You weren't meant to be meeting Lucy until 10 and it was only 9:15 when you got out of the shower, so you took the extra time to scroll on your phone.

You had hardly thought about the game last night, knowing it would only affect your upcoming game if you worried about that too much. But as you open your phone, which you hadn't been on since before the game, your stomach twists and you feel like you're going to be sick.

A million notifications pop up on your screen. DM's of people telling you to kill yourself and posts that tagged you showing the two goals you couldn't stop yesterday. You tried not to read them but there were too many and you couldn't stop yourself.

Y/N L/N can go fucking throw herself off the Sydney Harbor Bridge for all I care. What a fucking joke this is, I knew women's football would suck. You're telling me that a 'professional' fullback can't stop the easiest goals. hope she fucking dies, let down a whole country.

Morning Y/N, hope you slept terribly last night. Let down a whole country with your shit performance. I'm sure many people would appreciate it if you took a break from football and found a job you're good at. I don't want to see you step foot on a pitch ever again and if you do I'll make sure you're sorry for it.

L/N just proves that female athletes are all just sluts, lost her team a world cup semi-final and all she did after the game was eye fuck Lucy Bronze, what happened to being a team player?

Hi Y/N, thanks to you my daughter cried herself to sleep last night, what happened to inspiring all the young girls, get a fucking life and get back into the kitchen. women like you don't belong on a football pitch. Never touch a football again thanks.

There were so many, all saying the same kind of things that it all just blurred together. Your thoughts from yesterday returned and all you could think about was about how all these people were right. You let down your country and you were a joke.

You were so caught up in everything that you hardly noticed the time slowly tick past 10:15 and all the notifications from Lucy asking where you were. You just sat on your bed, not quite sure what to do. You'd never felt more like a failure in your life, tears poured down your face they were practically choking you but you didn't mind.

You had let down your country and thousands of people agreed with you.

When you didn't answer Lucy's fifth call she got seriously worried. You always had your phone on you and you never ignored Lucy's calls. She called you one more time and when you didn't answer, she took matters into her own hands.

As soon as the Uber arrived outside your hotel, Lucy sprinted up to your room. Until security stopped her at the front desk, demanding that she prove that she was staying at the hotel before they let her in.

She was begging them for a good five minutes until it got to the point when she was offering money for them to let her in. Fortunately, Alanna spotted Lucy at the desk and after seeing her desperate expression she decided to go over and see what was happening.

'Is everything all right?' She asked both the receptionist and Lucy.

'She's not letting me see y/n/n' Lucy snapped shooting the desk lady a dirty glare.

'I need proof, I can't just let anyone in.' She says matter-of-factly causing Lucy to roll her eyes. Alanna ignores the lady giving Lucy all her attention.

'I thought she was going out to see you?' Alanna asked confused 'That's what Kyra told everyone.'

'She was meant to, but she didn't show up and hasn't been answering my calls, I need to know if she's ok.' Lucy's forehead creased with worry, her girlfriend was never late and always picked up the phone.

'I'm sure she'll be fine, I'll take you to go and check her room and see if she's there.' Alanna tells the brunette before turning around having a quick word with the receptionist who mumbles something under her breath before turning to Lucy and allowing her to go up, apologising for the trouble.

Her words aren't heard by the English footballer who is already speed-walking up the hallway despite having no clue where she is going. Alanna jogs lightly to catch up to her grabbing her wrist to stop her from walking. At first, Lucy tries to pull her wrist away but stops when Alanna drops it.

'Her rooms the other way.' Alanna says softly, causing Lucy to turn around and start power walking in the opposite direction. Alanna laughs lightly at her. 'Slow down, you're just going to get lost. I'll take you to her.'

You're curled up under the blankets in your bed. You'd been lying there for almost an hour. Your phone was on silent so you hadn't seen all the missed calls from Lucy, you felt guilty for not showing up but surely she wouldn't care too much. No one in their right mind would want to be seen with a mess like you, especially not the Lucy Bronze.

You lay in silence for a while longer, nobody disrupting you as the do not disturb sign was up and all the girls were out for the off day. You were almost too caught up in your thoughts to hear the knocking on the door and Alanna's voice calling out your name.

'Y/N, are you in there?' She asked again 'Y/N?' You groaned pulling the blankets up so they were almost covering your head.

'Go away Lani.' You mumble only just loud enough for her to hear. You are shocked when she agrees and you hear her footsteps getting further away.

You roll further into your bed, groaning when you hear another knock on the door. 'Baby, are you alright?' Your girlfriend asks, your stomach flips with guilt.

'I don't want to talk right now Luce.' You tell her even though you know that's not going to stop her from coming to see you.

'I need to know that my girlfriends ok.' She tells you and you hear the doorknob twist, the bright light that fills your room makes your head pound and you bury your face into the pillow.

When Lucy sees you lying in the darkness she immediately rushes to your side and places a hand on your forehead, probably checking to see if you had a temperature.

'What's wrong my love?' She asks sitting next to you on the bed and stroking your back. 'Are you sick? Do you need me to get anything for you?' The brunette asks the worry evident in her tone. You turn around to face her, only seeing her concerned face makes you burst out crying.

As tears streamed down your cheeks, you poured your heart out to your girlfriend, the weight of disappointment and guilt heavy on your shoulders, you couldn't not tell her about what was going on.

The two of you told each other everything.

In the quiet of the hotel room, you confessed her insecurities, voice choking with emotion. 'I'm a failure,' you whispered, hands trembling as you recounted the mistakes that haunted you from the semi-finals and all the awful messages you'd received after the game. With each word, Lucy listened intently, offering comforting words of reassurance. 'You're not a failure,' she whispered back, gently wiping away your tears. 'You're brave for putting yourself out there, for giving it your all. Football doesn't define you; your resilience does. You are the best player I know, you didn't win Player of the Year for nothing. All the girls were talking about how well you played last night, just because the result didn't go your way it doesn't mean you're a failure.' She places light kisses over your face 'The people hating are all just dickheads, I can't imagine them doing even half of what you've achieved. Don't let them get to you.' She tells you, midway through your conversation she had laid down beside you, wrapping you in her arms. You had your head lying on her chest, the beat of her heart helping calm you down.

You don't know how you got a girlfriend like Lucy. But you were undeniably grateful for her no matter what. She'd been there for you through the worst and best parts of your life.

'I'm sorry Lucy.' You whisper to her.

'Don't be sorry.' She tells you placing a light kiss on your forehead 'You've done nothing wrong.'

'You're meant to be enjoying making it to the final, but instead you're stuck looking after me.'

'Yeah, but being stuck with my favorite person in the world is my kind of heaven.' She tells you softly causing a small smile to break out on your face 'I love you y/n/n.'

'Love you more.' You say back to her.

'That's impossible baby.' A small smirk appears on her face 'I'll always love you the most.'

[squarebracketsmileyface]

It's bad takes music anon back at it again with probably my worst take yet... Jay would 1000% listen to White Horse by Taylor Swift and cry himself to sleep about Alex... Back in college Jay? Current Jay? Your pick, I see both.

-🚫🎵

Dude, if your takes are bad takes I have no idea how freaking amazing the good takes must be because oh my god??? Yes??? This song is perfect????? (it got kinda long and messy again so, weird very rubbish song analysis hidden away)

This song is definitely one Jay first found in uni/college (after Alex started dating Amy and just up and dumped him, except technically he didn't dump him because they were never technically together, so Alex going off and talking to Amy with the intention of dating her was also technically not cheating) and it fucking destroyed him, like, full on breakdown every time he heard it, it was actually a problem. ALSO. I think Alex got him into Taylor Swift (yes I'm making Alex a swiftie in sorry it's locked, shut up I can do what I want lmaooooooooo) and so by extension Alex introduced him to this song, which just makes it even more painful :D

After uni he got a little better about the song, it still made him sob like a baby, but he had a bit more control over it and didn't just break down instantly. It's that song you put on when you need a really good cry, for him.

Then after seeing Alex again in Sorry It's Locked it comes all the way back full circle to how it was when he first found the song. He's completely fucked up by it all over again and there's nothing he can do about it but cry until he can't breathe. Like, dude is not okay. He needs copious amounts of therapy. ALTHOUGH!!!! I do think that it'd also be the song that (if Jay were to live long enough) would help him finally finally get over Alex a bit (with Tim's help). Because damn if I don't have songs and bands that a 'ex' got me into that ended up helping me get the fuck over them lmfao.

"'Cause I honestly believed in you"

"Stupid girl, I should've known, I should've known"

Ouch, yeah, Jay's thoughts back in Uni 1000000% He sat in his car and cried to this shit on the radio so bad lmao (I'm ignoring the fact that technically this song wasn't out when he was in uni/college cos it came out in like 2009 or something and I'm pretty sure Jay finished uni in like 2006? ANYWAY It was out when he was in Uni in this universe)

"This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town"

I mean, Hollywood isn't exactly known for its queer rep, but Jay 100% imagined himself and Alex as the love interests in shitty movies (especially in the shitty movies Alex made him watch and talked over the entire time with complaints and shit, because this is Alex Kralie and of course he would). He totally understood why Alex didn't want anyone to know they were fucking, but damn if it didn't hurt when he realised that that was never going to change and that they wouldn't ever graduate to dating in secret. And that Alex would go and get himself a girlfriend out of nowhere to try and pretend like he was straight so that no one knew. (Alex is bi in this, and Amy is Panromantic asexual because I say so, and she absolutely laid into him when he eventually told her all about his and Jay's thing)

"Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes

And never really had a chance

My mistake, I didn't know to be in love

You had to fight to have the upper hand

I had so many dreams about you and me

Happy endings, now I know"

This whole verse. Just. Yup. Poor Jay. This just explains every damn thing for him, like, idk how to explain it this was just his and Alex's relationship back in uni. This was it lmao.

"'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale

I'm gonna find someone someday

Who might actually treat me well

This is a big world, that was a small town

There in my rear-view mirror disappearing now

And it's too late for you and your white horse

Now it's too late for you and your white horse

To catch me now"

Jam :]

Jay in uni 100% didn't think he'd ever get over Alex (aaaaaand he doesn't entirely, but he does a little bit so) but after meeting Tim again he definitely starts thinking like this, like maybe if Alex came back he wouldn't just immediately go back to him, like he'd hesitate and maybe even refuse and instead choose to stay with Tim.

[mandysxmuses]

Send 😴 for a dream my muse has had about yours (group chat verse Toddie)

"... I should have listened to you. All I needed was to listen to you." It was a sentiment that echoed in his head again and again, with all the haunting consistency that old voice used to have. "But I was so hurt, and I wanted to be angry, and I let that get in the way of someone who ... knew everything I had been through firsthand, and still cared about me, and ..."

His head was resting on Damian's shoulder. It felt unusual to have this conversation so peacefully with him, especially when they were both sitting right on the edge of a cliff -- the bottom of the drop so far beneath them it couldn't be seen.

"... You said you'd kill me for that guy, Damian. You never said you'd want to. We -- We all do things we don't want to do. God, should I have thought of that. ... And I'm sorry for not thinking about that. I should have listened to you."

He kept looking to Damian expectantly for a response, but he never spoke, at most just giving him a sideways glance that ranged between neutrality and disgust...

But eventually, the cold look in his eyes melted, and Trost felt an arm extend around him in a sideways hug. His sobbing turned to that of relief, and he let out a soft, strained laugh.

As Damian lowered his arm, however, Trost finally got a verbal response. And it wasn't from him.

"But I can't think of a single fucking time you've listened to me!"

Trost blinked and opened his eyes. He didn't know how it happened, if he was pushed or chose to jump, but Damian was falling from the cliff and vanishing from sight. He wanted to react, but it felt like his sight was forced behind him, in the direction of a distraught and betrayed Flora.

He'd never seen her crying so hard, and found himself struggling to speak with what everything was making him feel.

"I told you again, and again, and AGAIN how dangerous he was. And you just kept covering it up! What, was him doing exactly what I said he would not enough?!" She gestured ahead, one of her hands reaching to grip at her hair and rip some of it out. "GOD! Why won't you listen to me?!"

"I don't know..."

"I even told you this wasn't your fault. And you won't even listen to that, you can't even listen to that. You... hahaha, God, you brought him down here..."

"... I'm sorry."

"I would never treat you the way you've treated me, and all the things I've worried about. I-- I can't believe you're making me say this, but I'm starting to think Renee was right about you. That you're just beyond hope."

Trost could feel the cliff's edge starting to break. Though he'd never seen anything like it before, he saw his spirit called out into her hand... and saw it vanish. The look in Flora's eyes was empty, now.

"... Maybe that was why you kept clinging so hard to someone like that. You knew who you really were ... and ... I wanted to think you were better. But I'm done with the wishful thinking, from both of us."

"Florie...?"

He felt his stomach drop, and then he fell. The cliffside ascended rapidly, and he reached out for leverage dozens of meters away before he suddenly woke up, and found his pillow drenched with tears.

[amberjazmyn]

shane filan one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - my blood

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - description of bullying, crying, big brother x shane filan, swearing, flashbacks, the other three westlife boys being protective uncles

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - whilst watching her older brother shane and fellow band members, kian, nicky and mark film their new music video for their new song "my blood" with the westlife kids, valeria is transported back to the times mentioned in her brother's verse before she's gestured to join before they continued the rest of the music video 𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i hope my vision for this really comes alive because i absolutely love this westlife song and it can easily be relatable for everyone. flashbacks will be in italics and lyrics will be in bold and italics. enjoy my loves! 

masterlist

- - -

you came home crying from school today, walked past me trying to hide the tears there on your face

shane had come home early from tour to surprise his youngest sister, valeria, after being out of the country for two months, thinking she'd be well excited to see him again. however, it was the opposite when valeria finally stomped through the house hours after the school day had actually finished. the fifteen-year-old was crying her eyes out and it was basically dinner time when she rushed through the house, walking past everything and everyone in such a rush that she completely bumped into her elder brother and not even acknowledging him nor the fact he was home after two months of touring with westlife - which she would usually be so excited about. after recovering from his shove into the wall behind him and rubbing his arm, he noticed the way his sister looked and how it seemed only he had taken notice, the rest of the family obviously oblivious to it. taking into account that her hair was messy which was the complete opposite of how his sister would have definitely left the house in the morning, her arms looking black and blue and bruised, and how her entire body trembled were really the tell-tale signs for shane that valeria really didn't have a good day at school. and that, she was still being bullied and harassed - something that mae, shane and valeria's mother, had promised the elder had been sorted and dealt with - which it clearly wasn't sorted and dealt with if his baby sister was coming home hours after school hours were over and in tears and complete distress. 

it's hard for me to explain, how humans find the pleasure of causing people pain

knowing that shane couldn't let his sister cry herself to sleep again like he just knew she had been previously when he was gone, he needed to fix what he could fix. whilst he couldn't fix the emotional pain or the bruises right away, what he could do was stop those tears and he could clean valeria up so, that's what he did. but, that didn't change the fact of how much he hated seeing his little sister cry broke his heart the same way it did seeing his own children cry. shane will never forget the first time nineteen-year-old shane saw his at the time two-year-old valeria burst out crying because she fell off the couch and hit her head, and how terrified he was hearing the fall and then the screaming sob that left her mouth seconds after. another thing he never understood was why those kids at his sister's high school would constantly harass and bully his little sister as if what they were harassing her over was something she could control and change in five minutes. because for those who weren't aware of basic human decency, one golden rule is that if someone cannot change something about themselves in five minutes, do not comment on it. and one thing that valeria couldn't change in five minutes was that her older brother is in a very successful boy band and those high schoolers were stuck in school because they didn't have the courage to reach out for their dreams like westlife did. 

so, in a rush to help his sister, he sped up the stairs, shane feeling his heart tear into two as he heard her sobs behind her bedroom door. hesitatingly making a fist, shane knocked his special knock on his sister's door, only hoping that would get her excited enough to open the door for him. he honestly thought it wouldn't have worked and he would have been met with silence, however, he wasn't when he heard his sister's small, tearful, tired, scratchy voice respond back quietly which broke his heart even more. 

"...shane?" valeria whimpered from behind her bedroom door as shane exhaled in relief that his plan had worked 

"yeah bubba, i'm home. can i please come in?" shane muttered sweetly, resting against his sister's door as he heard a sniffle before the door was heard getting unlocked

"yes, you can..." valeria muttered as shane smiled to himself before grabbing the doorknob and opening it 

when he opened the bedroom door, his shoulders sagged sadly when he saw the state his precious little sister was in. her face was red and puffy from crying, her hair was a complete state from the physical bullying and her arms black, blue and bruised also from the physical bullying. as shane closed the door so the other siblings and mam and dad wouldn't suspect anything, shane sat with the girl on her bed together. 

wiping away his sister's tears, shane spoke up again, "...what did they do this time?" this clearly wasn't the first time that his sister had been bullied and physically assaulted but, it was the first time that shane had really seen it in full with all of her injuries and her hair a tatted, tangled shamble of a mess

sniffling, valeria responded, "what they always do..." she trailed off as that piqued shane's curiosity, he really didn't know what "they always did" so, he asked again 

"...what do they always do?" shane questions softly, wiping his sister's tears away with some kleenex and grabbing the marbled hair brush to take care of valeria's hair 

taking a deep breath, valeria explained whilst shane brushed her hair, "they start off with verbally teasing me, taunting me with all sorts of names and taunts. this is honestly the worst they've gotten though so, don't worry--" 

"--don't worry? val...i, don't you dare tell me to not worry! of course, i'm going to worry about you. i barely see you throughout the year when i'm with the boys and touring! i worry about you every goddamn second because you're my baby sister! you say that this is the worst they've gotten with the bullying? what do you mean by that? is this the first time they've physically assaulted you or is this the first time they've realised they can actually go further since they didn't get caught the first time they assaulted you?" shane needed to take a breath at the end since he had gotten so worked up and aggravated about the thought of his little sister being physically assaulted and verbally taunted 

valeria sighed softly as shane brushed his sister's hair, "it's the last option...it's the first time they've gotten this physical and this bad since realising they didn't get caught the first time they beat me. and, i know you're going to worry about me shay, it's just, i don't like it when you find this shit out because yvonne and denise can't keep their mouths shut and tell mam which then means she tells you because she knows you're the only one i actually talk and open up too...i'm sorry shane, i just, panicked because for the first time, i stood up for myself and told them to stop and it was after telling them to stop they started all of this and finished me off with a lovely little threat of causing harm to my family as usual..." valeria trailed off softly as shane's eyes softened but became wide in shock 

huffing softly, shane placed the hairbrush down, his sister's hair no longer a tangled, matted painful mess and squished up closer to her, "...you don't deserve to be treated that way in an environment that should be making you feel and keep safe which includes keeping kids that bully others, whether that's verbally or by being physical, it shouldn't be tolerated nor allowed. secondly, i'm so glad you acknowledge that i'm always going to worry about you because i'll never, ever stop worrying about you and i can totally understand why you wouldn't want this information to be told to the rest of the family. especially with yvonne and denise's big mouths *giggle* however, they thought they were just doing the right thing by telling mam and having mam tell me because it's a good...great thing that we're having this conversation and that i'm getting to help you. and, honestly, even though you hate it, i'm glad that i'm being told when something bad happens to you because you do need to open up about it and let go of those emotions because if you don't let go of them, it's unhealthy and it'll do so much more damage then good if you don't tell someone. remember mark repressed his sexuality from everyone for twelve years and how unhealthy that was for him and how happier he was after he came out and told everyone? not that i'm even comparing and trying to guilt-trip you into anything, i'm just trying to give an example of why repressing any sort of emotion is an awful and unhealthy thing to do and it's something you need to stop doing..." trailing off again, shane caught his breath and continued 

"...however, hearing that you stood up for yourself and told them to stop makes me so very proud of you that you did stand up and attempted to defend yourself. even though it didn't work out in the way you hoped and wanted it to, i'm still proud that you did try because that's all i could ever ask of you is to try and you tried your goddamn hardest for them to stop even though they didn't. and, honestly, i could care less if some fourteen/fifteen-year-old hormonal teenage boys are threatening me and mad at me for being a successful musician whilst they're just sad, lonely little boys taking out their own insecurities and hurting someone who is just innocent. but, have you tried sympathising with them and saying that in some way, you can relate to their feelings?" shane questions as valeria nods her head, a fond smile on her face

"yeah, i did. that was how holly, jaxon and those four girls became my best friends. those six, they wouldn't ever bash my head or backhand me but, they would call me names and tease me occasionally and, one day, i bravely walked over to them and apologised for the fact that holly and jaxon's home lives weren't as glamourous as ours was as seen in that one weird teen magazine that one random time last year or two ago *giggles*. i apologised for the fact that they didn't have kind, loving families to come home to but that if they ever needed one to come to, ours was that safe, kind, loving family and house they could always refuge in if it got too unsafe at their own houses. and, for the four girls, i apologised that those words and taunts they were calling me were what they were being called at home every day and that they deserved better and, like holly and jaxon, if they needed a safe place, my home was safe where they wouldn't get abused and for the other two that they were beautiful just as much if not more than me and they shouldn't be allowed to say otherwise. that's why they all stayed for that month that one-time last year when you were recovering from a westlife tour and there was suddenly an extra six of us, their homes weren't safe enough for them to be living in at the time, holly and jaxon's families under investigation by the garda and child protection services..." valeria trailed off as shane sighed with a small smile, proud that one positive and six of her best friends came out of them being her former bullies because she sympathised with them and allowed them to change their ways, giving them a second chance, knowing there was a reason behind their unusual bullying because shane had met all six of them and they were great kids that had been dealt the worst cards for a family 

"...that's amazing, val. who do jaxon and holly live with now by the way as i assume the six other girls still live at home with their families?" shane questioned as valeria smirked, looking out of her window that was behind where shane sat in front of his sister 

"both holly and jaxon's parents lost custody, and custody was then given to their respective godparents who they now live with next door to us on both sides, jaxon on our left and holly o our right. and the six girls, they all told their parents and everything has since been dealt with, all of their abusers were removed from their houses so, the girls are much safer," valeria smiles brightly as shane smiled back, tilting his head to the side, wondering why he would always hear three voices at 10 pm when he'd be absolutely destroyed from a recording session, she'd be talking through her window to holly and jaxon 

"wow, i mean, that's a happy ending for a sad start to a story," shane teases, glad his sister was no longer a sobbing, injured mess since valeria had taken care of all the injuries as best as she could 

"yeah, i just wish i wasn't so scared to do that with the lads that do throw me against walls and smack me across the face..." valeria sighed as shane pouted but was glad that it wasn't her former bullies now besties that were physically hurting her, as he thought up an idea that maybe wasn't as amazing as he originally thought it'd be 

"...maybe you don't have to be so scared to..." shane trailed off which confused his sister who tilted her head to the side 

"...how so, shane? even with holly, jaxon and the girls, i fear for my life every time i see those boys at the end of the school hallway!" valeria sassed out softly as shane smiled, rubbing his sister's back 

"the boys and i will go in for you?" shane proposes casually as valeria's eyes widen as her jaw slacks low 

"you mean, you, uncle kian, uncle nico and uncle mark will tell these four boys to stop pushing and shoving me around the schoolyard in areas that no teacher can find and they'll all of a sudden stop and i'll feel the safest i've ever felt at that school since i started?" valeria almost laughs in shock at the fact her brother was so sure he could stop his sister from being afraid of walking the school hallway every day due to her bullies 

however, shane's face didn't change and he was serious, "wait, you're actually being serious?" valeria asked incredulously as shane nodded his head, his face deadpan 

"dead serious, valeria. you and your friends for that matter deserve to feel safe walking those school halls and that won't happen if these boys don't get caught and removed! do you think i wanna continue seeing you come home crying and beaten up silly at 7 pm every night?" shane was desperate to help his sister at this point so valeria just smiled 

"okay, fine. just, please make sure those boys are never allowed to see me or come near me and my friends ever again?" valeria pleads as shane's eyes soften and he nods his head, pulling his baby sister in for a hug, mumbling into her freshly brushed hair 

"i promise," he whispers into her hair as they hug for as long as they are able to before getting called down for dinner (which was late since denise made it known to mae that valeria was home late)

but sometimes there's more to the story, and we don't know what's going on in that home, behind closed doors, maybe there is something wrong. 

after shane, nicky, kian, mark and the school's faculty with valeria and the help of her friends found and expelled the eight boys who bullied and assaulted valeria and gave them their own individual punishments as well, it had been found out that the real reasons why all those eight boys were hurting and taunting their filan girl. two of the eight boys were hurting valeria because that was what their normal at home was. those two boys were constantly getting abused and taunted by their own siblings and sadly, their parents were completely oblivious to it since it always happened when they were at work or away for a weekend so the siblings were never put in trouble, not able to make the siblings' wrongs a right so, the two very impressionable fourteen-year-old twin boys thought that hurting those they liked and wanted to be friends with was what was normally done. another two of the eight just did it because they truthfully hated the ay they looked and decided to take it out on the young filan girl because they thought that she was the prettiest girl they had ever seen and started to project their own hate of themselves onto valeria, which was why they'd berate her and call her the same mean names they referred to themselves as, similar to the four girls that used to bully valeria but were now her best friends. and then, the other four of the eight abused and teased valeria because those four were fighting over her because they were attracted to her and thought that, like in the classic rom-com trope, if you're mean to a girl it means you like them, so that's what you should do to get them to fall in love with you. however, all eight boys promised and swore on their lives that they never thought their self-hatred, home life and amateur crushes on valeria were never meant to actually hurt and scare her as much as they ended up doing. 

even after profusely apologising and pleading to valeria and the school board, only four of the eight boys were given the chance to come back to the school because it was only those four, the ones that weren't physically touching and causing the physical injuries that valeria had the courage to forgive. and it went back to her being able to relate and sympathise with those four boys and their reasoning for why they hurt her. she could also tell that those four boys genuinely didn't mean for their verbal abuse and hurt to go for that long. when it came to the other four boys though, she couldn't even look at them because they scared her so much. you'd think being found attractive by four prepubescent boys would be attractive and nice however, for valeria, it was absolutely terrifying when it manifested into those four boys throwing her and pushing her into lockers and brick walls every single day on top of the name calling that they also did as well as the constant threats to her and her family. the four boys also didn't seem to care about being apologetic, they weren't even sorry in the slightest, they were just trying to justify their actions whereas the other four boys were completely sorry and utterly apologetic and truly wanted to make their wrongs right again and maybe even someday in the near future befriend the girl. but, the four other boys did not and it was very obvious the moment the school board gave the verdict when the other four nodded their heads in understanding at their punishment and the other four screamed and continued to hurl their now empty abuses towards the poor filan girl. 

so be brave, my little one, i know you can be strong cause you are just like your mom

shane watched in pride for his little sister as she was as brave as could be when he watched her forgive four of the eight but refused to forgive the other four all due to the way they reacted to their punishments. shane knew his sister could be strong and it was all truly due to the fact that his little sister was exactly like their mam, mae. 

as the five, shane, nicky, kian, mark and valeria, left the high school to go back to the van, shane picked his sister up and hugged her. causing the girl to hysterically giggle, she rested her head against her brother, questioning why he was holding her like a toddler. 

"...what's this for? you haven't held me like this since i was like, i dunno, a toddler?" valeria chuckled as she could hear her uncles, kian, nicky and mark coo at the sweet big/little sibling moment behind them as shane chuckled too 

"i'm proud of you! you were so brave and strong, just like mammy! you stood up for yourself, you still had the warmth in your heart to forgive four of the eight boys because you understood their reasoning for why they verbally hurt you and understood that they would learn from their mistakes and learn to make their wrongs into rights. but, you still had the strength to refuse to forgive the other four boys because you didn't understand their reasoning for hurting you because it was disgusting and you hated the way you were being crushed on by boys who were constantly rude to you and pushing you around as if that's how you get a girl to like you back and find you attractive!" shane smirked with a disgusted look on his face as valeria giggled as she shrugged 

uncle kian had overheard the siblings' conversation and then jumped in, "shane is right and everything he said is true, valeria. you were very brave and strong and you stood your ground and you didn't back away from your decision when the four boys tried to sway it to favour them over the other four. you did not cave under their pressure and you stood solid on your decision, that's not an easy thing to do especially when it's with people who had previously used your bravery to threaten you to change your original choice out of fear. you should be really proud of yourself for that because you even challenged some of the senior staff members to be more assertive and pay more attention to what their students are actually doing which is amazing," uncle kian smiled, giving his niece (by law) a kiss on the cheek which made her cheeks run a light red as she smiled, hiding her face away like a child would (which she used to do when she'd be invited onto stage with westlife and asked to speak into the microphone)

thanking her brother and uncle, valeria couldn't swipe the triumphant smile off her face the rest of the day as she spent it with her brother and westlife uncles just singing and messing around. 

say my name, when you're hurting darling, i'll take the demons away 

valeria smiled as she watched her brother, uncles and the westlife kids film the music video for westlife's new song, my blood. it was her favourite song on their new album and was immensely glad it was one of their singles off the album and getting a music video. however, she didn't think in a million years she'd be asked to join in the music video...

"...valeria, join us! come be in the music video!" shane, valeria's older brother calls out as valeria's eyes widen, she had been unknowingly phasing in and out of flashbacks from when she was fifteen and getting bullied in high school, something she related shane's opening verse to from the song 

before valeria could protest her way out of it and literally run out of the studios they were filming the music video in, her niece and nephews (her brother's kids) nicole, patrick and shane jr ran over to their aunty, begging her, to join them in the video with their dad and uncles. and, when her niece and nephews beg her and ask her to join them, she can never say no to them. 

"please join us, aunty val! it'll be fun!" nicole, shane's eldest asked lovingly, grabbing a hold of her aunty's hand whilst her brothers and now the other westlife kids had swarmed them to beg for their aunty to join them whilst the lads watched on in hilarity 

valeria smiled at her niece and decided she couldn't say no, "oh, alright! only because you asked so nicely and i can never say no to you!" valeria giggled as the kids roared with excitement and cheers, the westlife dads cheered as well which made valeria giggle even more and roll her eyes 

but you know there will come a day when i won't be there, but i know you'll be okay, 'cause you are my blood, you're my blood

as the music video started filming again and the rest of the chorus played, valeria started crying the moment this lyric played, turning to her brother as he pulled her in for a hug. shane knew why his sister was crying, since finding out that their mam and dad were both terminally ill, with cancer, it terrified her that one day there would be a day when their parents wouldn't be there. however, shane always reassured her that no matter what, they, as a family, would be okay because they are filans and they all share the same blood. 

hugging his sister as tightly as he could, shane could tell that this song was a very special and meaningful song for his sister. especially with the knowledge of their parents and knowing that there will come a day and very soon when their parents may no longer be around. valeria quickly began to compose herself as she giggled at the three extra people that had joined her and shane. nicole, patrick and shane jr had run over to comfort their aunty. 

valeria adored her niece and nephews and was ever so grateful for them so, she didn't hesitate, especially since they were being filmed for a music video when they joined the now-family group hug. after composing herself, they continued to sing the song together, valeria sitting on her brother's lap whilst patrick (attempted) to sit on valeria's lap whilst nicole and shane jr watched on in hilarity at their brother, aunty and dad being silly but surprisingly not falling off the chair or breaking it since there were three people technically sitting on it. 

oh, i was 22 years old, my mother told me that you learn more as you go. but i've spent many nights alone, do i need more for me to make this house a home? 

valeria sat to watch mark film his two verses in the music video, completely and utterly taken aback by the imagery of it all. then, all of a sudden, because mark didn't have his gorgeous daughter layla in the video until the very end since she wasn't born until just afterwards, valeria decided to join mark for his verses and made sure he wasn't "on his own" during his verses. 

seeing the happy smile on her uncle mark's face when she joined him really made valeria glad that not only did she agree to come to the video shoot but also join in for it. i mean, valeria was already well-known by the westlifers since basically being born because she was seen everywhere with the band however, it was one of the first music videos that she would be featuring in, much like her nieces and nephews. 

whilst mark was lip-syncing to his verse, he and valeria were just having fun together and making each other laugh by tickling each other, poking each other and just acting like the absolute best of friends like they legitimately are. 

'cause sometimes, there's more to the story and they don't know what's going on. my life behind closed doors, maybe there is nothing wrong and i will keep holding on. i know i can be strong, cause i am just like my mom 

and it was true, both mark and valeria were strong because they were both like their mothers. they laughed together as they could hear the laughter and joy coming from the other children who were also waiting to film their parts for the music video as well. after dancing and singing together, mark and valeria needed to stop since the camera would have to now focus on everyone so, valeria said goodbye and went back over to join her little filan squad whilst mark had fun on his own again.

and she told me, "say my name when you're hurting darling, i'll take the demons away. but you know there will come a day when i won't be there, but i know that you'll be okay, 'cause you are my blood". 

jamming to the rest of the song was possibly the best thing for valeria to be doing with her brother, niece and nephews. it just gave her a peace that she didn't have at the ages of the westlife kids were now. most especially at the ages of nicky's twin boys, rocco and jay because that was around the age that the filan girl was getting heavily bullied all for the reason that she was the youngest sister of a boy bander. she loved this song and, it was for sure one of her favourites that they have ever released because it was one that really resonates with her and makes her feel emotions she hadn't felt in so long because she hadn't felt like she had this safety net even though she always did. just being reassured in the form of a song that she would always be okay and that she is strong and brave and courageous was everything that valeria could have ever needed in a song from her brother and uncles. 

(my blood, my blood) you're my blood (my blood, my blood) you're my blood. 

at this point of the song and music video, all the lads and the kids had joined together so it was just literally a mixed bag of sweeties and lollies at this point of how the kids were acting. cobi, kian's youngest little fella, was just running around everywhere and making everyone laugh. shane's two boys, patrick and shane jr were trying to keep kian's other two boys koa, zekey and nicky's little girl gia occupied whilst nicole, valeria and nicky's twins rocco and jay were just jamming to the music and having a grand old time. 

then, all of a sudden came to the final choruses of the song and the group decided to join together and sing the last two choruses. 

so say my name, when you're hurting darling i'll take the demons away. but you know there will come a day when i won't be there but i know that you'll be okay, 'cause you are my blood. 

valeria giggled as she bopped cobi, who during the filming of this video, was the youngest westlife kid, up and down on her hip whilst she joined in the singing of the song with everyone else. however, the reason why valeria was laughing was that cobi was saying some very, very funny and interesting interpretations of what he thought were the lyrics to the song. and, he didn't stop because it was clearly making aunty valeria giggle and then everyone else so, he just kept on blabbing his interpretation of the lyrics until the song finished before gesturing to aunty valeria to be put down so he could run away, only for uncle nico and aunty valeria to attempt to run and grab him. 

(my blood) my blood, you're my... (my blood) yeah, you're my blood, you're my blood. (my blood, my blood) ooh-ooh... (my blood) you're my blood.

the moment the video shoot ended, everyone cheered and applauded. valeria couldn't hide her smile nor could she prevent it because she finally felt happy again. 

- - - 

this was so much fun to write and i don't think i hate this! so that's good and as i mentioned previously, i absolutely adore this westlife song and music video and how it features all the westlife kids, especially that sweet little cameo of what was newborn layla and mark at the very end of the music video. i think my next westlife one-shoot will be a kian one since i adore my sweet precious kian but i'm still not sure whether it'll be a happy one or not as of yet so, just wait for that and it should be arriving soon! ohhhh and happy 2023 by the way, how did i forget that? 

 ok ily bye xx

wc; 5552

[lcvewaslcst]

she was grabbing her morning cup of coffee when she heard the news - summer north had come out with a new single. the title alone forced molly to face the fact that i love you, but i need another year was unequivocally about her. she had already been tagged in a flurry of articles, posts, and varying fan edits that she had narrowly avoided, unwilling to let the rest of the world see her fall apart. so, she rushed home instead. sinking into the plush depths of her couch, cradling her phone in her hands as if it held the key to unraveling the mysteries of her heart. The room was dimly lit, a quiet sanctuary she had fashioned for herself in the wake of summer's departure. connecting to the speakers, she braced herself. the melody of her ex wife's voice began to fill the space, and with each note, molly felt the floodgates of her emotions threaten to burst. as the first verse unfurled, molly's gaze fixated on an invisible point in the distance, lost in the memories she and summer had woven together. the lyrics danced through the room, weaving a tapestry of longing and heartache. she clutched the edges of the couch, her knuckles turning white, as if grounding herself in the present was the only way to keep from drowning in the past. "I can't salvage your mind while I'm losing mine, and nobody should have to deal with this. but I need ya, I don't wanna leave ya" her voice echoed through molly's soul, each word a painful reminder of the fracture that had torn through her own love story. she closed her eyes, letting the lyrics wash over her, allowing the raw honesty of the song to crash into the carefully constructed walls she had built around her heart. her head fell forward, desperate to reach out. to get to summer and explain that she'd simply spend a lifetime here. waiting.

tears welled in molly's eyes, blurring the world around her. the room seemed to sway with the music, a reflection of the tumultuous emotions making her stomach turn. the ache in her chest, the weight of unspoken words and shattered dreams, threatened to engulf her. like a ship lost at sea, she was tossed around by the storm of her own emotions. "i love you, but i need another year," the refrain echoed once more, and molly couldn't help but feel the echoes of her own silent pleas, the desperate hope that time could heal what had been broken. but time, like the song, moved forward, indifferent to the ache in her heart. regardless of just how stuck she had managed to feel. in that moment, with the vulnerability of the music wrapping around her like a bittersweet embrace, she allowed herself to break. the dam she had built to hold back the tears finally crumbled, and the release was practically painful. silent sobs wracked her body, and as the final notes of the song faded away, molly clung to the remnants of the melody, letting the echoes of summers voice linger in the air. her thumb raises and falls, pressing the back button, allowing her ex-wife's voice to roll through the air once more. and there, she fell apart. again. // @canthelps

[sirensatyr]

~A/N: Couldn't sleep, and while listening to this cover of La Llorona, I got inspired to write. So enjoy this drabble I wrote about the early days in Beltane's second life.~

The man sat with his almost empty cup in his hand. He stares down into the dull brown liquid as the haze of his drunkenness settles in with a delightful blur around the edges of his vision. He is vaguely aware of the sound of the jukebox somewhere to the right of him flickering to life but only perks up a bit when the familiar slow, melancholy tune of La Llorona begins wafting out from the dusty speakers.

He looks up to see a blurry visage of a woman in front of the machine. He can only see her from the back, but even in his drunken state, he would bet she was a beauty. She wore a simple blue dress that hugged her hourglass shape, her long, thick waves of brown hair barely contained in twin half braids that fell to mid thigh. She sways lightly to the music before turning away from the jukebox, and he finally gets a glance at her face.

His breath catches as he takes in her gorgeous features. Hooded umber eyes lock onto his, a small sultry smirk graces her plump lips at catching him staring before they open and the most angelic voice pours from her mouth as she sings along to the music. He feels a heavy warmth settle over him as she continues to serenade the otherwise empty bar. Her voice echoes and bounces off the wall in haunting and melodic waves.

She then turns away from him, continuing to dance by herself, her arms wrapping around her own body as she sways. He watches her as she lightly twirls and dances across the bar. Before he realizes what he is doing, he is out of his chair and inches from her body. He hesitantly reaches out, considering for a moment if this was a dream, but her shoulder is warm and soft where he touches...she's real. She continues swaying with her back to him, and he sidles closer, his other hand reaching around her waist to slide across her stomach.

The next verses of La Llorona continue spilling from her luscious lips, filling his ears like liquid honey.

"You are very beautiful, and your voice...angels would be put to shame to hear such loveliness," He slurs slightly as he whispers into her ear, pressing himself fully against her back. He breathes her in; a scent of citrus and balsam fills his nostrils, warming his chest. She slowly turns to face him, her arms coming up to rest on his shoulders.

"If you thought so high of me, then why did you kill me?" The woman asks, but it's not the same woman...her face is different...familiar...sickeningly familiar. Dark dead eyes bore into his as he tries to pull away. Gone is the beauty from before, in her place is the dead and rotten visage of his late wife.

"L-Lupe?" He whispers incredulously. Caught up in his horror he barely registers the sound of singing continuing on, louder, sadder, and somehow accusatory as he scrambles away from the decaying mess before him. Her skin is bloated and grey, water surrounds her bare feet, making audible slapping sounds with every stiff and awkward step she makes towards him.

"You...you killed me, Miguel...and our children...you blamed me! Why? Was I not a good wife? Were they not good children?" The vision wailed at him. The man, Miguel, tripped as he continued his backward retreat and fell into his seat from before. Tears sprung in his eyes while the ghost came ever closer.

"I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry, Lupe! You weren't meant to be there, it was meant to look like an accident! The kids....I didn't want them but you were so happy! I tried, but the stress of it all! It was too much!" He confessed, his tears devolving into heavy sobs. He yelped and cringed away, scrabbling mindlessly for something to pull him away from this nightmare that was crawling its way into his lap. The ghostly woman cupped his face and forced him to look at her head on, searching his face for any sincerity.

"But you're not sorry, Miguel...I can see it in your heart...did you never love me?" The wretched thing asks, leaning in way too close. The smell of wet earth and sweet decay filled his nose now, and he vehemently shook his head in answer.

"I did-I do with all my heart! I'd do anything to take it back! Please! I love you, I'd do anything for you!" He blubbered out in a panic, fear making his heart pound painfully fast in his chest.

"Would you? Then you know what you'll need to do to prove it....the children miss you so, Miguel. The children need their father...and I...I need my husband," The ghost replied, the look in her eyes expectant. Before Miguel can articulate a response, her wet lips are upon his and he screams into the void of her mouth as he fights to throw her off. Her strength outmatches his and he is left seizing in his chair as the life is sucked away from him. His final involuntary spasm sends his whiskey glass flying, the cup shattering on the dull brown wooden floor. His eyes are still wide open and glazed by the time his final breath leaves him.

He's alone on the chair now, slouched with his head hanging over the back of his seat. Unseeing eyes still open and staring in frozen horror at the ceiling of the bar. The final song notes play out on the jukebox....and from the last corner table at the back, sits a beautiful woman, with long wavy hair barely contained in twin half braids. Her dark umber eyes stare at the man's still form as her velvet voice finishes singing the final verse of La Llorona...

[mrpenguinpants]

Xiao: String of Fate [Soulmate AU] HCs

Hey anon! Okay, I’m just gonna level with you. This request? This request right here? Probably one of my favourites. I went feral over this at 3am and my monkey brain fabricated an entire life story for Xiao when he’s not even out yet.

I sorta combined this request with my feral plot idea (which is honestly a 20k word fic at this point), but ahem, I hope you like and np^^ gotta make so many offerings so Xiao hopefully blesses me. Have a lovely day anon!!

--- Xiao Semi Series

[ Friendship ] [ Falling in Love ] [ Cuddles ] [ Protective ] [ Affection ] [ Jealously ] [ Opposites Attract ] [ Fainting ]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @sunnshiii @hanniejji​  @snowy224 @mayumintsu @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki @legionqueensav​ @youaskedfurret​

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Xiao: String of Fate [Soulmate AU] HCs

The red string of fate is a concept that those who are connected by a red string are destined to meet and fall in love. Regardless of place, time, or circumstances. The red string can never be broken unless one connected passes away.

Alatus

For the past few days, Alatus would wake up early and scale the mountains of his small village to pick Qingxin flowers. The morning dew would still be on the petals before the sun came by and evaporated everything. It became a bit of a small joke that the elders used to make, that a earth spirit would appear at the break of dawn to place the flowers for harvest. Not that Alatus minded, he was grateful that whatever celestial spirt was out there made sure to replace the ones he took. Remembering to always offer a prayer of thanks and a small offering, you would scold him if he didn’t.

He quickly scaled and vaulted over the wooden beam and slipped into your room. He winced at the sound of his shoes landing on the wooden floor but you didn’t seem to stir. You were still sleeping peacefully as Alatus took the fresh flowers to add to the ones already in your small vase beside you. They were your favourite flower after all. He reminisces about when you were both children and how you would drag him to mountains and tell him all about how at the very top there was his beautiful white flower. But you were both too young with small limbs to even attempt to climb it, plus if you somehow managed to do it, it would take too long and both your parents would be worried. It never seemed to deter you as you reasoned that a wind spirit would help your journey. Come to think of it, you always put a lot of faith into celestial beings. But he goes along with your plan, never one to contain your desire to explore.

He’s suddenly snapped out of his memories when he hears a soft knock on the door. It quietly opens to reveal your mother. She gives him a small smile as he looked a bit guilty for getting caught breaking in before waving him over to hand him something. You left him with a small bamboo package that you had wanted to give on his birthday. On top of the bamboo, you had wrote a short but warming message that you were worried about him always running off outside and that he might catch a cold. He smiled softly at your words, ingraining the way your ink brush flowed down the bamboo sticks into his mind. He offer’s a small thanks as she gives him a comforting hug. Whether for him or her he doesn’t know and she leaves.

He carefully untied the brown string keeping the package together to unravel a blue, white, and gold sleeve. He silently marveled at how beautiful it was and held it up to the light, it almost seemed to shine with subtle highlights. He has no idea how you managed to create this, he had never even seen the dye of red or gold used in clothing before. Perhaps the celestial beings decided to bless you for your prayers and devotion. He gives one small squeeze of your hand as he ties the sleeve to his arm and he slips out through the same window he came from. He looks up at the mountain’s he’s scaled before setting on the tallest one. One so tall the elders say that it could reach celestia.

As he scales the mountain he can feel a taint tug on his thumb, before it slowly disappears. He closes his eyes for a brief moment, breathes in deeply, and continues upwards.

The Golden-Winged King

One of his first adepti duties was to investigate the place he once knew as his home. There had been a dream eating demon that had been spreading curses onto unsuspecting youths. Putting them into eternal sleep before they bodies finally succumbed and they passed away. It was horrible and Alatus swore he would do everything in his power to make the dream demon suffer. Unfortunely, seeing as this was his first time venturing out back into the moral world and still recovering from his trials, he was assigned to work with a senior anemo adepti. One who was well-versed in using polearms that could “show him the ropes” as mortals would say.

This other adepti was too loud and erratic for his tastes compared to the calm and peaceful friend he once knew. Always getting side-tracked and flying around Alatus like some overgrown pixie. Never taking anything serious even though the both of you were tasked to destroy evil. But he held his tongue since this was his senior, gripping his sleeve when he was especially annoyed. This only seemed to spur the other anemo adepti further and inquire about the sleeve. Naturally, Alatus was hostile and guarded. That was first time he ever raised his voice which instead of becoming offended or angry, the other adepti was impressed.

From then on the other adepti seemed to want to interact with Alatus at any given moment. From checking in with him on his latest mission or if he heard about how the delicious flowers tasted. Who even ate flowers? Either way, every instance of communication was brushed aside, he would always make some weak excuse that he needed to train. Which lead to the other challenging him. The both of you were the same element so it would be a good time to see who was the best at wielding it. Overtime he began to look forward to your weekly spars. Even finding a bit of joy out of them. Ever since he had climbed up the mountain it had been constant training and hardships but when it came to these spars. It was fun. Alatus began to open his heart a tiny bit, let’s himself relax and fall into amusement when he see’s his partner’s face pop over him as they hovered over him.

He even began to feel his locked up heart start to beat a bit faster whenever he saw his partner perk up and wave at him. Whenever you threw your arm around him he never brushed you off like he used to, just basked in your presence as you rambled about how this stuck up bird was running everyone through the ground with her demands. It was amusing for fresh adepti’s to see you both interact. The ever stoic and aloof Alatus that taught them through strict rules loosen up immediately and smile whenever your head popped up to scold him for his training methods.

It was fun. Until the day he became possessed and killed you with your own weapon.

Guardian Yaksha

Guizhong was concerned. Ever since Rex Lapis had saved the poor adepti man from his possession, he had locked himself in. He still fulfilled his duties with alarming accuracy but it seemed that he completely on auto-pilot. He could stand in the pouring rain without realizing it or he always seemed to be in such a rush. Asking to do anything that needed to be done rather than relax. He was going to end up running through his long years at this rate. She brought it up to Rex Lapis and his fellow Yaksha but none of them had the time or want to check in on him. It was a time of war after all. Except one.

You watch him stand in the rain. Any attempts from you or Guizhong to ask if he was better always failed and you didn’t want to push. But this was already past the point of simple concern. So the next time you saw him relapse you walked over and embraced him. He usually carried himself as stiff as possible but you swore you were holding one of Rex Lapis’s pillars. You braced yourself to get thrown off or at the very least be questioned but none of those things happened. He just stood there and to be honest, you weren’t sure if that was even more concerning. You both didn’t say anything even when the rain stopped until Rex Lapis had summoned you both over.

You and him never developed a close friendship but he never seemed to brush you away whenever you sat beside him ever since you hugged him in the rain. A bare acknowledgement on good days but that was alright. Just sitting in each other’s presence when the war wanted to be quiet somedays was nice. On harder days when fighting took too much of a toll on your body you would lean your head on his shoulder. He never shrugged you off or seemed bothered by it, in fact, it almost seemed as if he leaned back against you. You both never spoke during these moments, just a silent understanding looming over you both.

Then when Morax announced that Guizhong had passed away, you felt as if you somewhat understood how Xiao felt. You didn’t even register that you had walked back to the same place Xiao was standing back when he was in the rain. The war was finally over but after everything that had happened to get to this point, it was hard. You knew that a few of your other Yaksha’s were ready to return to Jueyun Karst or return to earth. You blink quickly as you feel two arms wrap around you and you realize how funny fate seems to be. You choke out some unintelligible noise that’s a mix between a laugh and a sob as you cling onto him and let your bottled up emotions pour out.

He’s the last person you see in the newly established Liyue, wishing him luck in the rest of his journey, as you return to the earth. You aren’t sure what you’ll turn into but you hope that the peaceful atmosphere you both created will remain.

Xiao

It was completely out of the blue when you asked if he wanted to come on an adventure with you. You were both sitting under the tree that held the Wangshu inn up when you suddenly sat up and pointed in some far off direction across Liyue. Asked if he wanted to come with you after the lantern festival was over. He was a bit taken aback, you were a traveler first and foremost but you never asked if he wanted to come with you. You had always assumed that he wanted to stay as a protector of Liyue but after what Morax, now Zhongli, had said and how it was time to him to step down. You decided to ask him. It didn’t have to be far, you both could go to the stone gate if he wanted, just if he wanted to come with you anywhere.

His first instinct is to decline but you end up cutting him off before he can say anything.

“I know you have your reasons and loyalties to stay as Liyue’s protector. That’s why I’m not asking for you to accompany me across Teyvat. But I don’t know when I’m going to be back and after what happened in Liyue, I thought it would be nice to just, take a break, and go anywhere. You don’t have to accompany me if you don’t want to but I think it’d be nice to wander together,” you say as you continue to look across the land from the balcony. He can’t see where you’re looking at exactly but he ponders your words.

To wander and go anywhere. Just the two of you. He’s never even considered leaving Liyue even after all the demons were replaced with weak hilichurls and slimes. He gazes up at the tree’s leaves, looks further to see celestia, and even further back to his home. Guizhong always said he needed to relax and live in the moment of now rather than running past everything but was he really ready for that? 

“Ah, sorry was that a bit too forward? I really didn’t mean anything ba-”

“Yes. Let’s go,” Xiao cuts you off as his eyes shine in a new light of determination, “Wherever you want to go, I will come with you.”

You blink once, twice, before a bright grin stretch's across your face as you quickly ask if he’s joking. He’s not, and you cheer excitedly as you list off different places you’ve wanted to explore. Perhaps the shoal? Maybe even further into the chasm? Actually wait, the electro archon has closed that area off so maybe not there. Xiao patiently listens to you ramble as he smiles softly. Your excitement is addicting and he can feel his heart flutter just a bit. How long has it been since he felt this way? He can feel a small tug on his thumb, he looks down but he can’t see anything, but there’s a comfortable weight that he’s felt has been missing for a very long time.

---

If this seems interesting and people seem to enjoy it, I can post the actual fic when Xiao banner drops as a bit of a catalyst. It’s basically the same idea.  Though it’s kinda long so I have no idea when that’s going to be finished. It might turn into a thank you gift instead. (or ahem, you know, if you wanna commission me and see it earlier there’s that haha just kidding;;).

Honestly, I took a lot of liberties. I read the lore on adepti and Xiao but most of this is my monkey brain and previous semi xiao fics (which you don’t have to read but it would be helpful to see extended parts). Phew, this took a lot of time. It’s not as cute as my other fics but hopefully you all enjoyed it^^

Actually, nevermind. I hate this. I’ll keep it up since I haven’t posted this week yet but I hate this. 

[morganofthewildfire]

The Lucky One - Part 1

Masterlist

Based on the Taylor Swift song

So… here we go!! It’s finally ready! I’ve put so much of my time and effort into this, almost since the beginning of 2021, so it’s wild that it’s finally ready for me to share! Thank you to @seasonofthewicth for being an amazing beta reader for me! I couldn’t have done it without your help!

This fic is one of the darker ones I’ve written, and because of that it’ll delve into a lot of difficult topics. I’ll make sure to appropriately note them for each chapter.

I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I have writing this!

~ 10k words

CW: mentions of drug abuse, NSFW, not suitable for readers under eighteen

——————————————————————————

We don't have to figure out, What hasn't happened yet

Through whatever whirls around us, I won't let you forget

You're my lover

- My Lover : Birdtalker

——————————————————————————-

Now

Aelin slid down the door, feeling the cold wood against her back as she fell into a crouch and sobbed relentlessly. The tears wouldn’t stop coming, and she didn’t think they ever would. Not with what had happened.

She should’ve known, she should’ve known. That’s what repeated in her head, over and over and over. She should’ve known it would turn out this way. But she’d been blind. Out of self preservation? Out of arrogance? Out of misplaced naivety and ignorance?

Either way, it didn’t matter. It didn’t change the path she had taken, and the place she’d arrived at.

Because for all of Aelin Galathynius’ life, she’d wanted to be a star. From the moment she saw her first movie, and was enraptured by the faces on the screen, she’d known that that’s where she belonged.

But not like the movies nowadays, with giant action stunts and cheesy and demeaning roles where the only thing the women were there for was a cheap sex scene and some feminism points. No, she’d make a name for herself, be the sole star, like those old glamorous black and white stars, where the time may have been discriminatory, but the women were always fierce.

It was her dream, her goal, her destiny.

She just knew it.

Because also her whole life, she’d been praised for her beauty, her elegance, her grace. As a child, she’d heard “What a pretty little girl!” “Oh, she’s going to grow up to be such a knockout!” “She could be a model! Have you ever thought of signing her to an agency?”

And given her age, she’d been impressionable, and she’d taken that all to heart, admittedly becoming a bit arrogant. But the confidence was just part of her charm.

But it only got worse as she got older, as she got to high school and boys were tripping over their feet just to look at her and talk to her. Aelin was on the homecoming court all four years, voted homecoming and prom queen senior year. She was popular, she was wanted, she was admired, she was loved.

At least, that’s what she thought love was. She’d never learned it any other way.

Her parents weren’t always the most present. They both had high stress jobs in the city, generally working overtime and leaving Aelin to get home from school to find an empty apartment, a list of restaurant delivery numbers on the kitchen counter. She’d become well versed in the Orynth subway system, for the days her chauffeur was busy with her parents and couldn’t come pick her up.

They’d go on business trips a lot of the time too, leaving her home alone. Aelin had taken advantage of that time to throw parties, becoming the party queen as well as the prom queen. By the age of 17, she’d had an amazing tolerance, well versed in alcohol and various substances that she took when she got bored.

Perks of being rich she’d always thought. She didn’t realize until much later how lonely she’d actually been. She hadn’t had any real friends. The boys just wanted to get in her pants and the girls were just using her to get to the boys, but she’d ignored that until she met Rowan Whitethorn.

He’d been the reason for that self reflection, but he was gone, driven away, and Aelin couldn’t blame him. They’d met in college, both of them majoring in film studies. She’d wanted to be an actress and he’d wanted to be the director of the masterpieces they’d make together. But it hadn’t turned out that way.

Because right as it was all going to shit, he’d run.

She should’ve run too. But gods, she’d been too lost in her dream to notice.

Because she had still longed for the silver screen, and had been willing to do anything to get there.

But she’d realized too late that the life of a movie star was actually a den of vipers, and she was stuck before she even knew she needed to get out.

-----————————

5 years earlier

“Celaena Sardothien?”

Aelin glanced up, brushing her hair behind her ears as she met the eyes of the attendant. The woman gestured to her and she stood up from the waiting room chair, walking toward her and the door she was holding half open. She sucked in a nervous breath as she made her way over, running through her lines in her head.

It was her third audition for the week, and she was determined to get it right.

That had been one thing she hadn’t anticipated when moving to Rifthold, the tediousness of it all.

Fresh out of college, 22 and ready to go, Aelin had rebranded herself, going by the name Celaena Sardothien to remove all connection to her parents and her old life. She was determined to do it all on her own merit, not piggybacking off of her parents’ success, especially when they’d all but disowned her for becoming an actress. Or attempting to become one at least.

Six months after arriving in Rifthold, she still hadn’t scored any roles outside of a few quick scenes as an extra and an insurance commercial that she wasn’t sure was even airing in this country. It was frustrating, but she hadn’t given up yet.

She would never give up.

Aelin composed herself, lifting her chin and looking graceful as she entered the room, coming to a stop in front of a panel of three men, the casting directors for the movie she was auditioning for.

It was a low budget mystery/thriller, not her usual forte, but she had to start somewhere. Even playing the slightly sexist depiction of a 1960s secretary. It wasn’t her favorite role, but she had no other choice.

The brunette man sitting in the middle leaned back in his chair, arms crossed as he appraised her. The man on his right yawned and took a big sip of his coffee, and the last one adjusted his glasses before picking up the script to read through the lines with her.

They all looked exhausted and fed up with the day, which was fair. They probably had been through almost a hundred women just like her, who looked similar enough and read the exact same lines, auditioning for the exact same part.

Aelin was just hoping she stood out enough. She’d put extra care into her hair and makeup this morning, hoping to highlight her natural beauty that had gotten her through high school and college if she was being honest. A little lean forward to show off her cleavage, a slight puppy dog eye and a small bite to her lip to make it flush pink and to give the impression that she was going to cry got every male teacher to change her grade whenever she wanted.

Rowan was the only one who that hadn’t worked on. He'd actually laughed in her face when she’d tried it, when he’d been the TA of her Film Production class and she barely got a passing grade on a test. Turns out, her film studies degree had been pretty useless in retrospect, as she didn’t need to know the ins and outs of every single production detail to be the one acting in a film, but it looked better to her parents, rather than a drama or theater major. Even if that didn’t matter in the end.

But she wouldn’t regret it, because she’d met Rowan that way.

“Okay, Miss…” the man looked down at his paper, “Sardothien,” he looked back up, “you may begin whenever you’re ready.”

Aelin nodded and took a breath, trying to immerse herself into the scene. She could picture it all in her head: the 1960s attire, the short bouncy hair, the cars and the buildings and the fashion and everything that made up the era, minus the immense racism of course, these types of movies chose to gloss over those parts of history. It was all glamorized, but she just had to deal with it. She was an expert at glamour anyway.

“Detective Thomas!” She called out, waving her hand as if trying to get someone’s attention. “I’ve got the evidence you wanted from the station! The warden was hard pressed to give it to me but I managed to convince him.”

“Perfect, let me see it,” the man on the left said tonelessly, and Aelin almost huffed. It didn’t exactly make it easy to act perfectly when no one else was invested in the scene with her.

“I haven’t gotten a chance to look at it yet,” she said, looking down and furrowing her brows, pretending like she was flipping through pages of a document, “but I think it’s incriminating.”

“Just give it to me, peach,” the man said, “I’ll look through it, you can go back to the office now. Or better yet, just go on home, I wouldn’t want you to tire yourself out.”

Aelin clenched her jaw, she hated that line. She’d read it when she got the script for the first time, and immediately had rolled her eyes at it. She hated the sexism laced in it, sexism that she’d unfortunately seen rancid around the film community. Once she got farther up the ranks it would be better, she was sure of it.

She opened her mouth to keep going, to say her next line, when she froze, no words coming out. She couldn’t remember what she was supposed to say. How was that possible? She never forgot lines.

A few awkward beats of silence rang out as she scrambled for something to say, but then the huff from the man in the middle crushed it.

“If you’re going to waste my time, sweetheart,” he said, “please at least be a little more efficient about it.” She darted her eyes to him, eyebrows raised in surprise. “As pretty as you are to look at, you can’t forget lines if you want to actually be considered for this role.”

Aelin gaped, unsure of how to respond, unsure of how to fight the crushing nausea and anger in her stomach at the words. What the hell? Where did that even come from? She was indignant.

“Just get out,” he said with a sigh, gesturing with his head to the door, “we have a lot more girls to see.”

A frustrated tear slipped out of her eye and she turned away quickly, so they couldn’t see it, and stormed toward the door, not waiting for the attendant to open it before she was slamming it open and huffing and puffing her way past all of the other girls, who stared at her with wide eyes.

It was usual to see someone leave an audition in tears, but Aelin was raging, not upset.

Yet, the farther she got away from the room and the closer she got to the door out to the street, the more dull she became, the more defeated. Another tear slipped out as she made to open it.

But someone else beat her to it.

It got roughly pulled open from the other side just as she was leaning toward it, and she stumbled slightly, the loss of support making her lose her balance in her heels. She was caught by the person though, her elbows supported as they straightened her, and she looked up to meet a rough looking face with brown eyes, framed by ruddy brown hair. The man looked at her like the man in the room had, like he was appraising her, and it made her vaguely uncomfortable so she just murmured a “thank you” before moving past him, not paying attention as his eyes tracked her as she left.

Aelin sniffed again as she made her way down the busy street, trying to avoid running into someone else and getting accidentally pushed into traffic. It wouldn’t be too surprising given how chaotic Rifthold was, but she didn’t want it to happen to her.

Gods she was just tired. Another bad audition, another failed opportunity, another one marked off the list.

The craving to be back at her shitty apartment, in Rowan’s arms, was so strong that she zoned out for the rest of the walk, entering a sleepy haze as she made her way down the few blocks to her building.

She was lucky the casting office hadn’t been too far away from her this time. Last week she had been forced to take the metro, which she hated, to avoid at least an hour-long walk.

Aelin contemplated just taking her heels off and walking barefoot, as they ached unbearably, but she wouldn’t. They completed her outfit and the sidewalks were disgusting. But she was sure the backs of her heels were bleeding from how much the shoe was digging in.

When she finally reached her building, she climbed up the stairs painfully, the old complex not having a functioning elevator, and trudged to her door, fumbling for her key from her clutch and unlocking the door slowly.

She wiped her face before she entered, trying to hide any evidence of tears from Rowan, but he looked up from his spot on the couch and spotted her, his face immediately softening as he saw her.

“Another bad one?” He asked sympathetically as she threw her bag on the tiny dining table and walked over to him on the couch, practically throwing herself on top of him. He pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, chuckling softly at her antics.

“Yeah,” was all she said, murmuring it into his chest, the soft material of his t-shirt rubbing against her cheek. “I forgot my lines halfway through, which I never do, and the casting people didn’t even give me a chance to say anything before I was being kicked out, unnecessarily disrespectfully.” Rowan grumbled in agreement with her, despite not even knowing what they said, and rubbed her back soothingly in comfort.

“Well fuck them,” he said, causing her to laugh slightly, and she looked up, placing a hand on his cheek before leaning in a pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“Thank you.” She smiled, full of love for him. He didn’t even have to say much, his support was clear in everything he did, and she would always appreciate it. They were fortunate that Rowan had gotten a job offer at a small Independent Film production company pretty quickly after moving out here, because she wasn’t really picking up any income. They had been ecstatic when he’d gotten the call, as that was the type of work he was aiming to be in. He wanted to be a director, but not for the type of films Aelin wanted to be in. He wanted to work on the smaller stuff, on movies with a bit more creativity, and he was well on his way.

They’d been dating for three years, ever since they’d met her sophomore year of college. Well, after she finished the class he was the TA for, as he insisted on not doing anything improper. They’d graduated the same year, him staying five years to finish up his Master’s degree early, and then moved out here right when they got the chance.

“Of course,” he said, pulling her back to him and pressing kisses all over her face, her jaw, her nose, her cheeks, making her giggle. “Now let’s get you some dinner and some soda and watch a crappy TV show, alright?”

Aelin nodded with another grin, managing to push herself to a stand. Always soda, never wine. Never again. Three years of dating, and three years of sobriety, all because of Rowan. He’d taken her from the wasted mess she’d been, the extremes from her partying in high school, and brought her to where she was now.

And just as she was determined to succeed, she was determined to never repeat history. She was better than that.

———

Aelin woke up to soft kisses, the light feeling tickling her bare shoulder blades. But she kept her eyes closed as her lips curved into a smile, trying to pretend like she was still asleep. The touches traveled up her neck until they nipped at her earlobe, and she couldn’t help her slight giggle.

She turned around then, rotating in the sheets to face Rowan, a smile of his own matching her grin.

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, pressing one last kiss to her forehead.

“Good morning,” he said, his voice raspy from sleep and utterly sexy. His shirtless torso wasn’t covered by the sheets and she didn’t hold back from admiring it, the tan skin stretched deliciously over muscle and the mouthwatering tattoo all had her clenching her thighs together, remembering what all of that felt like on her body.

“Good morning.” She laughed again and pursed her lips. Rowan obliged, leaning in and pressing a kiss to her mouth, but it quickly devolved into something deeper as he slanted his mouth over hers and slid his tongue between her lips. Aelin moaned slightly and he rolled on top of her, pushing her back into the sheets and pressing a knee between her legs.

She was tempted to say fuck it and just go for another round, they were both already naked, but she also couldn’t help the urge to mess with him.

So she pushed up on his shoulders a little bit until she broke free, and then she was chuckling and rolling away.

“We’ve got a big day today, Rowan,” she said with a smirk, “we can’t waste our morning doing this.” Her boyfriend frowned and collapsed against the bed, crossing his arms and looking like a petulant four year old.

“I’d hardly say this would be a waste,” he said, “I’d make it worth your time.” He dragged a hand slowly up her arm. But she pulled away and fixed him with a look. “Ugh fine,” he groaned, relenting. “What do we have to do today?”

Aelin leaned over and placed a quick kiss on his lips before darting away again. “We have to go to the grocery store.” She grinned wickedly and rolled out of the bed, sauntering to their closet to grab clothes before moving to the bathroom to change and get ready.

“The grocery store?” Rowan asked, dropping his head back into the pillow. He looked so put out she thought that at that moment he would do anything to get her back in bed. Maybe she could even convince him to sing to her, the song he always sung. Their song. His voice was way better than he liked to admit, and the deep timbre always calmed her down. But they did have to go to the store, it wasn’t all a joke.

“Yes,” she said, poking her head out of the bathroom door. “Have you seen our kitchen? All we have left is a few crappy salad mixes.”

“I like those salads,” he pouted, and she laughed.

“Of course you do, you buzzard,” she said, “but I don’t and you just got your paycheck and I have a bunch of tips left over from last week, so it really is the perfect time.” Aelin had picked up a job at a local restaurant as a waitress to make ends meet. The place sucked, but the tips did not.

“Buzzards eat dead animals, not plants,” Rowan corrected with a relaxed smile.

“Even better.” She smiled back. “Now get up and get going, you lazy buzzard.”

He made an unkind gesture toward her, but she just laughed and shut the bathroom door. Gods she loved him.

——-

Aelin pushed her foot off of the ground, letting the cart glide across the tile like she was a kid. It was her favorite thing to do at a store, but she didn’t get very far, because Rowan grabbed hold of the basket, stopping her from careening into a shelf.

“You’re going to die before we finish shopping,” he laughed, a fond look on his face. She shrugged and hopped off of the cart, letting him grab the handle from her as she walked to the shelf she almost hit and snatched a few packets of ramen off of it.

“Better to die having fun than to live a long time being boring,” she said loftily, to which he scoffed at as he grabbed a box of off brand Cheerios and dumped it into the cart. Cheap groceries for a cheap budget.

“I’m plenty of fun,” Rowan said, with light hearted offense in his tone. Aelin just bit her lip to hide her smile and looked him up and down suggestively.

“I suppose you are,” she crooned exaggeratively, and he rolled his eyes.

“Gods help me,” he muttered, shaking his head. He started walking down the aisle, pushing the cart, and she sidled up next to him, bumping into him every so often before she sighed.

“We both could use a little break, you know?” Aelin spoke, a little more morosely. “We’ve been working hard.”

As if he could sense the sorrow and exhaustion coating her voice, Rowan stopped walking, let go of the cart, and pulled her close. She let her head fall into his chest, grabbing his shirt with her hands while he wrapped his arms around her.

“You’re going to make it, Fireheart,” he whispered into her ear, “you’re going to be a star. You’re beautiful and talented and perfect, and you’re going to show all of those shallow fuckers what they’re missing.”

Aelin chuckled slightly into the fabric covering his skin, breathing in his calming scent. “How elitist of you, Rowan.” She pulled back and smiled teasingly up at him. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“What?” He joked. “You know I prefer my hub of independent film weirdos to the cesspool that is mainstream Rifthold.” She snorted.

“Isn’t that true,” she said sarcastically before placing a quick kiss to his lips. “And I appreciate your kind words, but I already know I’m beautiful,” she teased, “I wouldn’t have won both prom and homecoming queen senior year otherwise.” He raised his brows, but her smile faltered. “Of course, I was supplying the whole student body with drugs,” she added disparagingly, “but I was too high myself to realize that that’s why they liked me.”

“Hey,” Rowan said sternly, tilting her chin to make her look at him, “none of that, okay? You’re better now, no looking back.” Aelin frowned slightly, her eyes shuttering with memories of her escapades, her lonely days and nights without her parents, her fruitless relationships and the times where she’d been so drunk or high she’d wake up with a boy from her school that she’d never even talked to before, so out of it that anything was possible. It was horrible but it was also freeing, a great escape from the stress of life. Gods she was so much more stressed now. “Fireheart,” he said, calling her attention back to him, concern in his eyes as he saw her slipping. “Five things, okay?”

Aelin hesitated but nodded. Five things. It was something they’d started back when he’d helped her sober up, when he’d still been her TA but had already been so much more. She would name five things about her life that she loved, five things that brought her joy, to help keep her from slipping back into the allure of fading away.

“You,” she started, “our crappy apartment, seeing actual movie sets and being inches away from working on one, being thousands of miles away from my parents, and…” she grinned up at him, “trips to the grocery store.”

Rowan rolled his eyes and pinched her side gently, before dropping a soft kiss on her forehead. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you more,” Aelin said back, smiling at him.

“Well I love you most, so..” he grinned, and it was her turn to roll her eyes. But she accepted his kiss before prancing off down the aisle, heading toward the chips. She examined the bags on the shelf, making sure to check the prices. It had been difficult transitioning from buying whatever she wanted in high school using her parents’ credit card, to surviving on a struggling actor’s and a fledgling director’s salary. But she was going with it, because it was her dream to be here, to be working toward this, to be with Rowan.

“Do we want off brand Lays? Or off brand Pringle’s this week?” She turned and asked him with a laugh, blushing slightly at the look on his face. He opened his mouth to respond, but her phone rang, pulling her attention away. She grabbed it out of her pocket and answered it unconsciously, not checking the number.

“Miss Sardothien?” A female voice crackled through the line.

“Yes?” Aelin asked, holding up a finger in pause to Rowan, who had walked over and looked about ready to say something.

“This is Miss DuVency speaking, from the Hamel Acting Company in Rifthold.” Aelin froze. Shit. “We’ve recently become aware of your presence in the industry and Mr. Hamel would like to offer you an audition here for a spot in his agency.”

Her jaw dropped open in shock and she battled for what to say, ignoring Rowan’s curious expression. Arobynn Hamel was a legend in the film world. His agency was always considered the best, listed as number one on every magazine ranking, touting the biggest actors and actresses and claiming hundreds of awards over the years. For them to be calling her, even just for an audition… it could change everything.

“Miss Sardothien?” The woman, likely the receptionist, on the line said, and Aelin realized how long she’d stayed quiet, processing the news.

“Oh yes, sorry, I’m here,” she said, shooting a small glare when Rowan chuckled at her.

“Would this be something you’re interested in?”

“Of course,” she said breathlessly, “This opportunity is amazing.”

“Well,” the woman said a little snarkily, “it’s just an audition, nothing is guaranteed.”

Aelin furrowed her brows. “Yes I know, but I very much appreciate the chance to be considered.”

“Great!” Her tone was fake, lathered in sugary sweetness. “We’ll reach out soon with information for the audition time and date, as well as the address and any paperwork you need to bring.”

“Thank you so much, that sounds great,” she gushed, excitement rushing through her. She couldn’t believe it.

“Of course.” And then the woman hung up, leaving Aelin hanging, but she couldn’t care less. She lowered her phone, sliding it into her pocket before glancing up at Rowan.

At first, she hid her expression, masking it into a cool look that had him wary, but she couldn’t hide it anymore and squealed, practically throwing herself at him.

He laughed, but caught her easily, grabbing her around the waist and spinning her in a quick circle, ignoring the fact that they were in the middle of a grocery store.

Rowan set her down, pulling back to aim a questioning look at her, as if asking if she would deign to explain the news to him.

“I got an audition,” she breathed through her blinding smile. “I got an audition at HAC! It’s not a guarantee of anything,” the words rushed out of her, “but I’m so fucking excited.”

“Aelin, that’s amazing!” He laughed incredulously and hugged her again, abandoning any guise of shopping. She wanted to say more but was too overwhelmed. And he knew that, so he just held her.

This opportunity was everything. When they’d first moved here, she’d considered the merits of trying to sign to a talent agency, but quickly discovered that it wouldn’t be worth the effort, because without any proof of her talents first, no agency that would help her in any way would give her a chance. So she had decided to just stake out on her own, try and get a few roles on her belt before making her rounds again. But if she got this, she wouldn’t need to. She’d be signed to the biggest agency in Rifthold, and she’d get much more exposure than she ever would’ve before.

It could be the answer to all of her problems.

It took her a second to realize she was crying, a tear slipping down her cheek, and when Rowan noticed her sniffing, he pulled back, placing a hand on her face.

“They’re good tears,” she assured him, a watery smile on her face. “You know I can’t help it.”

“They better be,” he laughed. “Because you’re going to rock that audition, and get signed by an agent and land a million roles, and then I get to tell everyone I’m dating a movie star.”

It was something he said all the time, a way to get her mood up if she was feeling downtrodden. But maybe this time he was right.

———-

Aelin was running on pure adrenaline, nerves, and panic as she desperately looked for her other high heel, having five minutes before she absolutely had to be on her way to avoid being late.

“Where did you last see it?” Rowan asked calmly, relaxing on the couch, and she huffed and glared at him, sitting up from where she had been looking under the couch.

“I wore them the other day to my last audition,” she said, eyes scanning the room as she looked for a hint of the black fabric. Aelin gnawed on her lip as she pushed herself to a stand.

“Did you check the bedroom?” He looked at her with a small smirk. “They were kicked off quite violently if I’m remembering correctly.”

She huffed a small laugh and rolled her eyes, but headed to the bedroom, crouching down to look under all the furniture, rolling her eyes again when she found it wedged under the dresser. She reached under and pulled it out, returning to the living room in a rush as she slid it onto her foot.

“Okay,” she breathed, straightening her pants and looking at Rowan with her hands on her hips. “I’m ready to go. Wish me luck.” She leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her boyfriend’s cheek before walking back to grab her purse.

“Good luck, Aelin,” he said with a smile, “you’re going to kill it.”

“You bet I am!” She laughed before swinging the door open, stepping out into the hallway of their crappy apartment building.

Her smile faded as she kept going though, as she made her way out onto the street, ignoring other pedestrians and cars as she began the journey to the talent office. With her sunglasses, her long sheet of golden hair, her heels and flowy pants paired with a dressy tank top, she understood why some people she passed stared. She looked like a million bucks, not like that was anything new, but she didn’t want to get engaged with any of them. Not when she was dating Rowan, and not when she was almost late.

The office was only about a ten minute walk, if she hurried, so she was sauntering quickly down the street, on a mission. It would give a bad impression if she was late, and she needed to do the exact opposite of that. Aelin was sure of her talent, but she wasn’t sure whether other people would give her the time of day to see it themselves.

So far she’d been disrespected and brushed aside, but this would be different. It had to be different.

That’s what she was telling herself all the way up to the agency’s door, steeling her nerves as she stepped inside, eyes immediately widening at the opulence.

Rifthold had some wealth, obviously, and most of its architecture and design showed that, but this was something else.

Marble floors, marble desks, large sleek leather chairs and couches in the lobby, two story tall ceilings, and a mirror along the upper half of the wall, giving the place an even airier effect.

But Aelin didn’t have time to gape, so she strolled up to the desk, smiling in greeting at the blonde receptionist. Miss DuVency her name tag said, the lady she’d spoken to on the phone.

“Excuse me,” she said, waiting a bit impatiently as the receptionist typed away at her computer, taking a few moments before glancing up, a frown on her face.

“Can I help you?” She said, her cheerful tone clearly faked. Aelin was a bit affronted, but answered calmly.

“Yes, I’m Celaena Sardothien, I’m here for my audition with Mr. Hamel,” she said, raising her brows.

“One moment,” the lady murmured before snatching up the phone on her desk, dialing a few numbers. “Hi, Mr. Ha-“

A pause. The woman nodded.

“Okay,” she confirmed, “I’ll send her up now.” Aelin furrowed her brows, barely having time to question how he knew she was already here before she was being shuffled toward the elevator, past other people patiently waiting their turns in the lobby. The receptionist left her as the doors were shutting, and Aelin just stood there chewing on her lip as she went up to the next level.

Her heels clicked on the floor as she walked down the short hallway, her eyes immediately catching on the door with the name Arobynn Hamel printed on it. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She could do this.

“Come in,” a smooth male voice said, and Aelin pushed open the door, eyes wide as she hesitantly walked in. At the desk, there was Arobynn Hamel himself. Auburn hair, cool grey eyes, and a smile as he saw her. A quick glance to the right had her looking out over the lobby, a window that could be nothing else but the mirror she had seen below.

So that’s how he’d known she was here.

“Welcome, Ms. Sardothien,” he greeted, standing up from his seat. “Thank you for taking the time to come out here this morning.”

“No, thank you for the opportunity,” she replied, nodding her head and clutching her purse as she stood in the middle of the room. She had a monologue prepared, was ready to read lines if she had to, to improv or whatever, she was ready for anything he could throw her way. She wouldn’t screw this up.

But all he did was type something on his computer before perusing her with his eyes, tapping the desk contemplatively as she stood there.

“If you’re wondering how we knew to contact you,” Mr. Hamel said, and she raised her brows, “my associate, Tern, was at an audition of yours the other day, and brought you to my attention.”

Aelin’s brows furrowed, she didn’t remember seeing anyone besides the staff from the film at the audition. But she ignored it, staying silent as he continued talking.

“ I figured I might as well look into it.” He stood up, crossing his arms behind his back as he headed out from behind the desk. Aelin kept her eyes on him. “So tell me a bit about yourself, Ms. Sardothien.” This she could do.

“Well,” she began, hooking her hands together in front of her. “I’m originally from Orynth, and I majored in Film Studies in college there. Since being in Rifthold, I’ve landed several smaller roles, my most recent being a commercial for the company Bria-”

“No no,” he cut her off, shaking his head. “I already have your resume.” True, it was in the file of paperwork she’d emailed the receptionist when going back and forth with the audition details. “I want to know more about you, not what you’ve done.” Aelin hesitated. “I make it my mission to have a more personal relationship with all of my clients.” A bit of hope rose in her at the words. It certainly sounded like she was being seriously considered. “So what makes up Celaena Sardothien.”

Nothing really, given the fact that it was a fake name, but she composed herself, absorbing her two identities into one.

“Well, I’m twenty two years old,” she started, “and I’m from Orynth, like I said.”

“What about your parents?” He asked, beginning to circle her contemplatively. Aelin tried to keep her eyes on him the whole time, but she couldn’t, so she just kept her back straight, ignoring the way his gaze was putting her on edge.

“Dead,” she murmured quietly. Even if the words weren’t true, it was easier than explaining the truth.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he said, bowing his head sympathetically. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she kept talking.

“Thank you,” she replied, taking a deep breath.

“What about your other interests?” He asked. “Besides acting of course.” He chuckled, and the sound relaxed her a bit, fulfilling the purpose of the joke, and she chuckled too, trying to calm herself down. She didn’t want to have to name five things, not here, not now.

“I like reading,” she supplied, tracking him as he moved, “and I used to play piano. My boyfriend tries to encourage me to play more, but we don’t have a piano in our apartment so I can’t really,” she babbled. Mr. Hamel came to a stop in front of her, leaning against the desk.

“Boyfriend?” He questioned, and Aelin smiled unconsciously.

“Yes,” she said, softly at the thought of him. “His name is Rowan. We’ve been dating since we met in college.”

“Hm.” The sound was short, and she furrowed her brows.

“Is there an issue?” She asked, confused.

“I just want to be sure you’re really committed,” he said airily, and a shot of nerves went through her. “Other clients I’ve had with significant others tend to … not give everything that it takes.”

“You won’t have to worry about that,” she assured, “Rowan is very supportive, so he won’t stand in the way or cause any problems.” Mr. Hamel’s face tightened, but he smiled.

“That’s good to know.” He crossed back behind his desk, sliding smoothly into his chair and leaning back in it, leaving her standing alone. “So why do you want to be represented by my agency?” He tilted his head.

“Well, this agency is the best one in the country, maybe even the world,” she flattered, smiling prettily. She wasn’t above using her looks. “And it’s been my dream since I was little to be a film star. I believe that you can help me get there. And it would be an honor to be able to work with someone of your prestige and experience.”

He smiled again, something hidden in it that she couldn’t identify. “Well then, Celaena Sardothien. I’ll make you a star.”

-----------

Aelin couldn’t hold back her grin as she practically flew down the street, her purse clutched in her hand as she pushed past people. Only a short walk left.

They were filming at their small studio today, Rowan had told her this morning, so that’s where she was headed, a radiant smile that she was sure was drawing attention on her face as she made her way.

Gods, she was so unbelievably happy. So godsdamned happy. This was her chance, her moment. She was finally getting a chance. Sure, she didn’t actually have a role yet, but this was just one step closer. Or more like ten steps closer. With the name Arobynn Hamel behind her, she would be taken much more seriously.

She giggled with happiness as she pushed open the door to the small building. After searching the front room and finding no one there, she headed toward the back, to the door that she knew would lead to the larger warehouse-like room that they converted for all of their different films. She’d been here a few times, but not nearly as much as he was.

Just then, a side door to an office, and a familiar blonde popped out.

“Hey Ace,” Fenrys called out, shooting her a smile as he made his way up to her, clearly heading for the front office. Because Rowan still called her Aelin and not Celaena, and because she still thought of herself as Aelin, his coworkers knew her real identity, although they’d been sworn to a joking secrecy. It wasn’t uncommon for actors to use a stage name, it was just easier if the number of people who knew who she used to be was limited. “Looking for Rowan?”

“Yep,” she said, smiling back at the man. “I have some good news to share.” He chuckled, and tilted his head to gesture toward the back, where she had been heading anyway.

“He’s back there,” he said, “maybe you'll be able to cheer him up.” His expression darkened. “Maeve’s keeping him late tonight, pushing him to finish all the scenes for the week.” Aelin frowned. They focused on her struggles so much that it was easy to forget that he was struggling too.

She nodded and murmured her thanks as she headed back toward the door, pushing it open and smiling again as she saw Rowan. He was facing away from her, leaning over a tripod as he fiddled with a camera, swearing. A few other people lingered around the set, talking to a dark haired woman, Maeve, the boss of the company. But they were all a good distance away from him, so Aelin crept up behind him, smiling before she threw herself against him, hugging him around the waist.

He jerked in shock, but quickly turned around in her arms, wrapping her up in his arms and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Hey love,” he greeted warmly, and even when he released her, she stayed tightly against him, soaking in his warmth. Gods she loved him so much. She didn’t know what she would do without him. “What’s up?” He asked, a mischievous smile on his face.

“Oh nothing much,” she played along, “I had a pretty boring day actually. What about you?”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling through her. “Not much either, just chugging along you know.” He looked down at her, his eyes crinkling as he smiled, a soft look full of love that made her blush slightly. But her grin was growing again, and it was only another moment before she was blurting out

“I got in!” She giggled, shaking her head and moving the curtain of hair that fell around her face. Rowan swept her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he hugged her tightly, laughing too.

“That’s amazing, Fireheart,” he said into her hair, and she closed her eyes, burying her face into his neck. “I’m so fucking proud of you.” Emotion was clear in his voice, and tears pricked her own eyes as he spoke. “I knew you would,” he continued, “they’d be fools to turn you down.”

Aelin grinned as he set her down, spinning her quickly.

“It went much more smoothly than I was expecting,” she said, brows furrowing as she thought of the encounter. “He didn’t even have me read lines or anything.”

“He?” Rowan questioned, and she nodded.

“Yeah, I was interviewed by Mr. Arobynn Hamel himself,” she said dramatically, but she frowned when he furrowed his brows.

“What did you do at the audition then? If not lines. Did you recite the monologue you prepared?” He asked, sliding his arms down to hold her hands.

She shook her head. “No, he just asked me questions about myself.” She shrugged. “It was pretty easy.” She could practically hear the gears turning in his head, but then he smiled, shoving the thoughts away.

“Well I’m absolutely thrilled for you,” he said, leaning down quickly to steal a kiss from her. “This is huge.”

“I know,” she said, “this is everything I’ve been waiting for.” They shared a soft smile.

“Let’s go out to eat tonight,” Rowan proposed, twiddling their fingers where they were connected, “to celebrate.” She nodded, laughing a bit. They didn’t go out very often, in an attempt to save money, but this could be an exception. “I have to stay a bit longer to finish up here,” he groused, “but then I’ll sweep you away on a romantic getaway in the city. Does that sound good?”

She giggled and nodded again. “Of course. Anything for my loving boyfriend.”

“And anything for my wonderful and spectacular girlfriend.” He kissed her gently yet deeply, a claiming kiss that made her knees weak. He pulled away too soon, both of them breathing deeply. “I’ll see you at home, Fireheart.”

“I’ll see you at home,” she replied, even if her home was right there in front of her.

————

Their dinner that evening was full of soft touches and secret smiles, quiet conversation held at a small back table in the fancy restaurant they were at. Aelin was far too distracted by the way the candles lit up the planes of his face, and she knew he was distracted by the way she looked that night.

They were definitely splurging on the food, but the chocolate hazelnut cake they’d shared had been absolutely worth it. Of course, she ate more than him, and just had to embarrass him by moaning at the deliciousness of it, but all in all, it was nice to do something nice for themselves now and then.

And now, on their slow walk home, Aelin couldn’t imagine any place she’d rather be. Yes, sometimes she missed the comforts of wealth, the old childhood desire for her parents’ love, but she’d grown pretty much past that, and now, everything she wanted was right there next to her.

She clutched his waist, leaning into him as they walked down the street. His arm came up around her shoulders, holding her tight as they walked in silence. She sighed, a small smile on her face.

As they walked home, she watched the city go by. At this time of night, there weren’t many people out and about, a few other couples wandering home just like them and some stragglers that looked a little worse for wear. Lights were still blinking in some of the buildings, streetlights and signs lit up, and her eyes caught on one as they passed.

It was one of the oldest movie theaters in the city, The Stygian Theater, with the classic architecture and the signs on the front, listing out the movies showing right now.

It was lit up with the classic light bulbs, surrounding the black lettering.

The Blood Oath

Starring Dorian Havilliard and Nehemia Ytger

Rowan tracked her gaze, following it until he landed on the same sign.

“You’ll be up there one day,” he said, squeezing her shoulder. “One day soon.”

“And you’ll be dating a movie star,” she joked, referencing his joke from earlier. Rowan laughed.

“Yes I will.” He pinched her shoulder. “Then we’ll both be living the dream.”

—————

Aelin giggled in between kisses as they managed to move into the bedroom, staying as close as possible and tripping over each other’s feet as they went.

“I love you,” he murmured, pressing light kisses all over her face. She nipped at his bottom lip to get him to kiss her mouth again, drawing him in by dragging her tongue across it. Rowan cradled her face, keeping her close and devouring her as they stumbled toward the bed.

The backs of her knees hit the edge and she fell, pulling him down with her so he was covering her. His kisses traveled down to her neck, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling his hardness against the spot she needed him most, and she groaned as he began to rock into her, nipping at the delicate skin behind her ear as her eyes rolled back into her head.

“Off,” she said as she tugged at his shirt, laughing as he cursed and pulled back to yank the buttons undone, throwing the shirt to the side and revealing his miles of tanned muscle, the smooth skin making her mouth water. Aelin pulled him back down, hands sliding over his back, his shoulders, his neck, trying to feel every inch of him, but he didn’t let her for too long, grabbing her wrists with a hand and holding them above her head, pressing them against the pillow as his teeth traveled down her neck, edging toward the neckline of her dress.

Her eyes closed and she let out a gasp as he used his free hand to roughly grab her breast, massaging it while he used his teeth to pull the strap of her dress off her shoulder. Her core was heating, and she rocked up against him as he pulled her dress all the way down to her waist, baring her chest to him.

Aelin moaned deeply as he wrapped his mouth around a nipple, laving at it as she panted, her breaths getting caught in her throat. His other hand worked at her other breast, rubbing and pinching and circling the peak as she sighed.

Soon enough, his hand was traveling down her body, brushing lightly down her bare stomach and making her shiver. He pushed her dress down until she was kicking it off, leaving her in her underwear. He then released her hands dragging both of his down to roughly grab her hips, edging his body down until he was between her legs.

“Gods,” she breathed, grabbing his hair as his nose brushed over the fabric of her panties, right over where she needed him. Rowan chuckled, the sound and the vibration sending a shock of heat through her, and she fell back onto the bed, her attempt to push herself to her elbows failing.

He tugged her panties to the side, licking a long stripe up her folds. Aelin moaned, whimpering as he pulled back, curling his fingers against the sensitive skin below her navel. She tugged on his hair as he dropped his hand to brush over her clit, teasing the sensitive nub before dropping to her folds, brushing them open with a finger.

“Rowan,” she sighed as he slipped the finger in, attacking her clit with his tongue. And after a few moments, after he inserted another finger, curling it and reaching that sensitive spot inside of her, while circling her clit with his tongue, she broke, shattering into her orgasm.

He kept up his ministrations as she shuddered, clenching around him. And he was panting too by the time she came down, dazed and turned on even more by the look in his eyes, especially as he crawled back up over her, licking the wetness off of his fingers, her wetness.

Aelin began pulling at his pants, desperate to feel him inside her. “I need you,” she breathed, and he cursed, unzipping and yanking his pants off, pulling his undershorts off with them. He slid her underwear off too, ghosting his hands down her legs and tossing them aside before crawling back up and kissing her roughly.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, Aelin Galathynius,” he whispered into her lips, “I love you so fucking much.” She whimpered, and then… she was full, so godsdamned full.

He stretched her out more than she had ever thought was possible, but the feeling was glorious. They paused for a moment, their breaths intermingling as she stared into his green eyes, seeing the love and desire radiating through him.

And then he began moving, and her world stopped.

Every thrust into her started a new fire in her, making her sigh and gasp and moan his name, his groans into the skin of her neck making her eyes roll back into her head. Even after years together, she’d never gotten tired of this. And she didn’t think she ever would.

Her legs wrapped tightly around him, her arms clutching his neck, and she kept him as close as possible until she shattered yet again, falling off that cliff of desire, feeling his warmth inside her as she pulled him with her.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he breathed as he pulled out, each phrase punctuated with another kiss to her sweaty face and hair. “I love you.” Aelin barely managed to murmur the words back, too overcome.

He was her everything, her one and only, and she was so godsdamned lucky he was in her life.

————

The next few months flew by quickly. She’d been carted to audition after audition, getting much farther than she ever had before, scoring several callbacks, especially when she threw out the name Arobynn Hamel, or when the staff for a film got a call from the man himself, nudging her forward as a candidate.

But despite the ease of her getting into the agency, she’d had to work just as hard as she had before to keep her spot and to work toward getting an actual role. Name recognition certainly helped, but she was pushing herself just the same.

Arobynn had helped with that, getting her access to lines for an audition beforehand and running them with her in his office before she went. She certainly was grateful for his assistance, she always felt like she was more prepared than she’d ever been for an audition.

Especially this one. One she’d been anticipating with nerves, excitement, and fear all wrapped up in a big ball of trepidation.

It was the perfect film for her, the perfect role. It was set in the old days of film, with the old glamorous stars and the old classy clothing. It was everything she’d grown up watching, everything she’d dreamed of doing. She just had to get the job.

So she had to do well at the audition, which meant she had to be well rested, which was a problem, because Aelin couldn’t sleep.

She shifted again, rolling over and huffing when she still felt sleep drift away from her yet again.

It was the damn audition the next day that was stressing her out, keeping her brain spinning and spinning out of nerves and anticipation. She wanted that role, she wanted it so bad. And because of that, she couldn’t relax.

“You’re still up?” Rowan’s groggy voice came from the other side of the bed, and she turned to look at him, finding him wiping his eyes tiredly before looking at her.

“I can’t fall asleep,” she grumbled, dropping her head forward onto his shoulder. His hand came up to brush her hair, movements weak with sleepiness. An idea struck her and she looked up at him, eyes bright. “Can you sing to me? That may help me calm down.”

He chuckled lightly, but he wrapped his arms around her too, rolling onto his back and pulling her so she was laying on top of him, her head on his chest so she could hear every heartbeat.

“I should learn how to play the guitar someday so there’s actual music for this,” he joked quietly, the words rumbling deliciously into her own skin. Aelin smiled, bringing a hand up to caress his face lightly, slipping down to his shoulder when he started singing, the gentle words a rasp in the quiet room.

“Crystal dream,” He hummed, “Cali queen.” She closed her eyes, letting the words to their song wash over her. “Radiant hand, vibrant sand.” Her breaths evened out, feeling the grasp of sleep. “I’m shocked, it’s a golden thing she’s got.”

She was asleep before the next words reached her ears.

——-

Aelin sighed, shaking her hands out and rolling her head to try and release some tension. The waiting room in the bland building was filled with some other people, a few girls who didn’t necessarily look just like her. The appearance required wasn’t specified in the casting call, and it seemed like that was followed. Which was all for the best anyway, it would help her stand out even more.

“You’ll do fine, darling. Stop worrying,” Arobynn’s voice crooned, and she nodded, vaguely agreeing with him while chewing on her lip. He was likely right, she’d read the lines so many times, reciting them in the shower, while she worked at the restaurant, forgetting customer’s orders in favor of her lines, while she was in bed with Rowan, cuddling up to him as he read the lines with her, holding the paper and helping her through the scene.

There weren’t many for him to say, as most of it was her. The audition description said to pick your favorite monologue from a movie from that era, and she’d combed through her collection, finding the one she thought she could perform best.

She was ready. She was ready.

“Yes, you are,” Arobynn said, and she looked up in shock, realizing she’d said the words out loud. But he gave her a reassuring look and she smiled weakly. He’d insisted on coming with her to this audition, although he didn’t really need to. Sure, it was kind of nice having someone there, Rowan had wanted to but he’d gotten tied up at work, but it was a bit odd nonetheless. “You won’t fail this time,” he added, and her smile faded.

Because that’s what everything prior to this was. Failure. And she was determined not to fail again.

So when the casting assistant stuck her head out of the door, calling for Celaena Sardothien, she steeled herself, breathing deeply. She would succeed. She wouldn’t disappoint anyone else.

Walking into the room, she was a bit numb, and she barely registered the three people sitting at the table in front of her, so similar a set up to so many other auditions she’d been to.

“Okay, Miss Sardothien,” the one in the middle said, and she breathed again, centering herself. She could do this. She could do this. She could do this.

“Begin.”

taglist:

[just-horrible-things]

‘Verse: Resistance Story: Unlikely Salvation, co-author @whump-sprite Timeline: Arc 2, Alex and Ari are getting used to living together

Ariadne Burns Herself, pt3 [ First | Pt1 | Prev | Next ]

The whip waits for Alex in his dreams. Waking gasping and terrified is an almost nightly occurrence. Usually the warmth and softness of a real bed is enough to be sure he’s out, he’s not shivering on cold tile or concrete waiting for the whip to come down again.

This time he wakes feeling trapped. Drenched in sweat and suffocating, a weight on his chest too heavy to fill his lungs, unable to kick the covers off because he is pinned.

For a few seconds he doesn’t understand at all. He is paralysed, struggling to breathe, unable to decipher where he could possibly be.

Then memory returns and he recognises the weight draped over him as interrogator - no, Ariadne – and he remembers falling asleep like this, and he understands. Panic edges back a few inches. But he is no less trapped.

He’s too warm and he can’t breathe and he knows she isn’t going to hurt him like this but he still needs to get away from her, he needs space and he can’t have it. Every breath is effortful and the air he does get is stiflingly warm.

The street lights outside cast stripes through the blinds, yellow against the ceiling. Alex tries to focus on that and not on panicking.

Very gingerly he gets his elbows under him and tries to shift. Her grip on his hips tightens, her face presses against his stomach.

Alex can’t breathe.

His chest hurts from trying, his heart is pounding faster and faster with every passing second. He’s too warm but he’s trapped and he can’t get enough air and he can’t move and he can’t breathe.

He can’t tell how long he’s stuck there, hyperventilating.

Eventually she stirs. She lifts her head, and he can barely make out her features in the dark but he sees her eyes go wide –

– and suddenly she’s moving, scrambling to get up, a hand pushing down too hard on Alex’s leg but it doesn’t matter because she’s pushing away from him. “Oh shit,” she is saying, “I’m so sorry–”

And then her weight is off Alex and he can breathe. He gasps in deep lungfuls of air, nearly sobbing, a trembling mess in the middle of a tangle of sheets, as Ariadne backpedals and practically tumbles off the edge of the bed.

“I’m so sorry,” she repeats, still backing away, sounding as breathless as Alex, “I didn’t… I didn’t mean…”

The snap of the whip is still vivid from Alex’s dream. The way she stood over him, looking down at him. But so is the fever heat of her skin, tear-filled eyes looking up at him, a whimper on her lips.

Don’t hurt me, he wants to say. Please don’t hurt me. 

They’re still the first words in his head, even though she is sorry, even though her back is pressed to the wall as if she is the one in danger.

Don’t hurt me?

Shouldn’t he know by now that she won’t? She’s told him so many times. What if he annoys her by keeping on asking? What if that’s the final straw that gets him hurt?

Carefully he sits up. In the darkened room she looks scared and overwhelmed and not dangerous at all. “A-are… are you okay?” he asks. She doesn’t answer at once. Alex can’t see if she’s crying now but he remembers her tears so clearly. “I’m fine.” Her voice wobbles.

She is the heartless interrogator who broke him. She is the guilty, frightened woman who cried into his leg. She hurt him. She hurt herself. 

She can’t be both.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats weakly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… shouldn’t…” In the empty space between apologies, Alex makes a decision. “You can come back if you want.” “... I can?” A little hopeful, a little concerned. “Yeah.”

It’s only about a pace from the wall to the bed, but she manages to start and stop twice on the way, as hesitant as Alex. Away from the wall she’s swaying on her feet.

“Are you… just saying that?” she asks tremulously. “I… I don’t want… I only wanna if you…” Her words trail off into the strained silence of the sleepless room. She is tired and confused and unhappy, just like Alex. “Come here,” he says, and she does.

She climbs onto the bed next to him, legs almost brushing his, and folds her knees up to her chest in the dark. Alex reaches out nervously, and she leans forwards to let him check her temperature. Too warm, still, but much better. He doesn’t have to be scared for her any more.

He pats the sheets closer to him, and she obeys. There’s a stop-start frightened-animal nervousness to her every movement, but she lets Alex lean her against his shoulder and put an arm around her back.

If he’s holding her like this, if she’s letting him hold her, she cannot be about to hit him. The two realities cannot coexist.

She’s shaking, just like Alex. “I don’t want revenge on you, Ariadne,” he tells her softly. “I know,” she murmurs. “I’m never going to want that.” “I know, I’m sorry. I … didn’t mean it to be your problem. It was stupid.” There’s so much venom in her voice when she talks about herself like that. Alex squeezes her shoulders a little tighter.

She’ll let him hold as tight as he wants. She’d let him do… all kinds of things, Alex is sure. She’s not dangerous, like this.

“I also... don’t want to be alone,” he says. “I’m sorry,” she starts again. “You deserve better–” “Ariadne.” He cuts her off, and for a second his heart stops at the boldness of it, but she falls silent obligingly. “I left the Resistance because… because the idea that some people deserve to be in pain is why the whole world’s in pain.” She nods, slow and uncertain, against his shoulder. “If you think I deserve better,” his hold on her tightens again, “then be better. From today on. Because you’re what I have. I forgive you. Please forgive yourself.”

Maybe she’s too feverish to really understand what Alex is saying. Maybe that’s why he’s able to say it.

Her shoulders shake, but she turns towards him for comfort, not away. 

Gingerly at first, Alex runs his fingers through her hair. There’s an undeniable thrill to being able to do it and know that she won’t lash out. When she stays relaxed, he gains confidence. His fingertips comb across her scalp and sense that her headache is back, so he uses a little magic to soothe it away like he did before. She sighs softly in relief, and Alex smiles.

[Next]

[ronaldofandom]

This is why we call you the ANGST QUEEN!!!

Finally in a state to comment. So here goes.

I wanna say this is your best work. But then I think of A son called Akhtar and Ofcourse the Lullaby. Too many masterpieces to pick from. But this is right at the top. Maybe tied with the Lullaby.

I love everything here. Every word. Every setting. Every sequence. Every emotion.

Akhtar’s unconditional devotion for Ram. Wanting to dress well so he doesn’t embarass his worldly Anna. Worrying that he can’t give him anything in return, so he will offer up his life to him 🫠. Sobbing quietly when Ram mentions loneliness, unable to share his own pain with Ram. Frustrated that Ram doesn’t share it with him either - does he not love him enough or trust him enough? Poor baby doesn’t know which one it is.

Ram’s internal struggles. Wanting to find a shred of peace and realness in the fake world he is living in. Worried that his dream with Akhtar could break anytime. But realising that it won’t change a thing for him. The mission still takes priority every which way. Even though Akhtar will hate him for it, when he realises he is one of the oppressors. Akhtar will be made to watch in the crowd as an example if set in front of the people. He will be one of the faceless and Ram will be one of the oppressors.

The scene with Rasika Bai - uff. What a learned, insightful woman. Her appreciation of Akhtar’s depth - not the ferocious Gond leader but the sweet, innocent man-child with a heart of gold. That took my heart. Her instruction to Ram to take care of Akhtar, knowing that Akhtar doesn’t understand the ways of this world like Ram does. So would need someone to look out for him.

The scene in the cell. Bheem’s torture. His cries. The context you had set on mutilation of the worst kind. And then the full disrobing of Bheem. It was haunting.

And the last bit - the sheer disgust that Rasika bai feels knowing that Ram has sold Akhtar out for his own gain. The way she shuns him. It’s like - Ram’s conscience knew what he did was unforgivable. But this was the universe telling him too. That he’s rotten inside and out.

And now, saving the best for the last - the Urdu verses. I don’t even think I should comment on that coz I am not qualified enough. It’s like me telling SSR ‘oh what a thought.’ But the fact that you write those - and how stunning they were in both Urdu and English. THAT, I can safely say is your best poetry so far.

I can write pages and pages on this more. And I will still not be done!!!!

Summary-

Bheem may not know the English language. But that does not stop him from being a poet.

What fate do poets meet in a world not built for them?

Or

Ram takes Bheem to the house of a courtesan.

Note: This story is canon-compliant

Excerpt-

“What is it, young man?” there was a hint of challenge in her dulcet tones. “Am I that pleasing to your eyes? Or have you too been rendered blind by my radiance?”

Ashamed of his reaction, Akhtar quickly recovered and lowered his eyes. “My apologies,” he whispered. “I meant no disrespect.”

“Disrespect?” she laughed. “Why, is it disrespectful now to admire a work of art?”

Taglist-

@vidhurvrika @bleedinknight @fangirlshrewt97 @rambheemlove @rambheem-is-real @burningsheepcrown

@kookiries @iam-siriuslysher-lokid @fadedscarlets @hufhkbgg @connerwrites @rorapostsbl @ronaldofandom @ronika-writes-stuff @pine-breeze

@bromance-minus-the-b @obsessedtoafault @jrntrtitties @tulodiscord @rambheemisgoated @dumdaradumdaradum @sulthaaan @stanleykubricks @mizutaama @thewinchestergirl1208 @jadebomani @sally-for-sally @waywardmorgan @annieginny @voidsteffy @stuckyandlarrystuff @meastradeur

@mesimpleone @filesbeorganized @kaagazkefool @badtabbywhitecat @bitchy-bi-trash @braveheartinthedark @yonderghostshistories @veteran-fanperson @yehsahihai

@eenadu-varthalu @budugu @ssabriel @teddybat24 @ladydarkey @chaanv @jjwolfesworld @milla984 @boochhaan

Note- If you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please let me know.

[darkandstormyart]

Xicheng fic recs

(figured i might make a list of my own)

(to be expanded as i dig out more treasure/remember stuff)

in no particular order:

Deep as the Yearning Night by FreckledStarKnight

“At first, it was pure chance. The second time was accidental. And the third time? Well, they say the third time’s the charm, after all. Lan Xichen discovers that Jiang Wanyin sings beautifully and is immediately enamored by it. His pursuit of Jiang Wanyin’s secret talent leads to a discovery and a series of events that he did not anticipate at all. Not that he’s complaining, of course. He got what he came for and more. Or, how two sect leaders get together through the song called love. CQL-verse.“

post-seclusion lxc

trying to get jc to sing

bonus lxc & jin ling feels i hadn’t considered before

cute

Always use protection by hesselives

“In which Lan Wangji attempts to hire a new bodyguard for his older brother, a well-known traveling exorcist. Jiang Wanyin doesn’t even make his carefully considered list of Top Ten Candidates, and yet here he is.

Lots of wandering in the countryside, distant yelling, and mildly inconvenient spirits.”

bodyguard au

honestly just really intersting worldbuilding

Rewrite the stars by Arashii

“Five great kingdoms have been fighting for years and when the kingdom of Yunmeng is destroyed, the Crown Prince Jiang Cheng vanishes.In Gusu, Lan Xichen makes an offer impossible for Jiang Cheng to refuse. His life or revenge? There’s only one option and Jiang Cheng swears loyalty to the man he hated the most his whole life, the Crown Prince of Gusu, Lan Xichen himself.Written for XiChengFest2020 - Day 4“

ROYALTY AU ROYALTY AU

enemies to lovers!

flashbacks! i love flashbacks so much ohmygod

No paths are bound by Arashii

“In seclusion, Lan Huan has the support of a ghost no one has seen since the massacre of Yunmeng Jiang. His feelings start changing with the often visits and conversations they share. Before Lan Huan can confess though, he ascends, leaving everything and everyone behind him.

Two hundred years later, back to the Human Realm and without powers, the Martial God Zewu-Jun has a mission to uphold. His Heavenly Calamity started. The clues are little and the support comes in the most unexpected form, the current Ghost King: Sandu Shengshou. Now they need to stick together to contain a menace that is slowly growing.“

TGCF AU TGCF AU

ghost king jiang cheng come on

doesn’t follow tgcf plot, just the setup so no spoilers

jiang cheng gets the dogs and the xichen he deserves

once upon a dream by cafedeolla

“Xicheng soulmate AU

An au where your dreams are small snippets of your soulmate’s day. They’d show small things like buying coffee, reading a book, or hanging out with people from their perspective.

The problem was that people always have expectations and Jiang Cheng knows he always falls short of them. Time and time again.“

soulmate au, but being soulmates is more a problem than a solution

misunderstandingssss all over the place

now with a squel (in progress?)

Lan Furen series by jagaimocchi

“Jiang Cheng leaves Lotus Pier before the Wen Internment Camp and before the destruction of his home. When he meets Lan Xichen on the run from the Wens after the burning of Cloud Recesses, his plan to live a peaceful life away from cultivation sects is quickly derailed. Now, free to make his own choices, he cannot find it in himself to leave the other man's side.

With love, patience and time, Jiang Cheng finds his own happiness and peace with his past.“

have you ever wanted a fic where jiang cheng peaces out from home in search for a better life, bc he’s Had Enough??? jags got you covered

adorable xicheng

good uncle-dad-figure Lan Qiren

ongoing <3

Just around the riverbend by JungleJelly

“One day.

Jiang Cheng just wanted one day of peace and quiet, away from home, away from his responsibilities, away from his idiot brother and his nutcases of a mother and father. Just a few hours alone — him and a boat and nothing else.

Clearly, that was too much to ask for.”

now with a new story in the series which is adorable too!!!

mermaid!lxc need i say more?

Bad ideas (where they lead) by JungleJelly

“Jiang Cheng is a busy man. Fortunately, he is also a huge pushover when it comes to his sister, so when she recommends that he start doing yoga, he agrees pretty easily.Featuring Lan Xichen in yoga pants, Jiang Cheng’s inability to handle a crush, and, perhaps most importantly, a big fluffy dog.“

done for 2020 MXTX MiniBang

yoga instructor Lan Xichen

Jiang Cheng is: struggling with a crush on the yoga guy from youtube & very angry about that

If there’s a price for rotten judgement by TheWanderingHeart

“All Jiang Cheng wants to do is, well... his job, really. Other than that? Keep the city safe, keep his nephew alive, keep his sanity intact (if possible).

So when his brother calls with unexpected news, he knows all of that is about to fly out of the window.

***

[Every instinct is telling him don’t ask, you don’t want to know. By this point, Nie HuaiSang has scooted closer to listen. Jiang Cheng takes a steadying breath and pulls out his antacids. “What did you do?”]”

superhero au, come on

jc just trying to do his job in peace

(he can’t)

i love it so much oh my god *sobs*

The Form of Boneless Ice by TheWanderingHeart

“Mythical beasts have long ago been driven to extinction by the gentry — hunted for sport, but more importantly for their magical cores. Since then, there remains only one creature that has never been caught. The Jiang’s retreated a long time ago. Abandoning land altogether, they sought safety where the humans could not reach.It all comes to a head though, purely by chance. (Or is it by fate that a spontaneous decision allows for them to meet? If fate were a rock!) Jiang Cheng suddenly finds his whole life balanced on the head of a pin — on the flimsy promise of a human boy. In his opinion, things cannot possibly get worse!(But then they do when the Wens decide it’s finally time to search for the elusive merpeople, and suddenly nowhere is safe.)“

there she goes again, with another beautiful xicheng story full of awwww and mythology

actually one of the first xicheng fics i read

i chose it because there were mermaids

painfully accurate takes on Jiang family dynamics

kids! lots of kids!

Let me Slytherin to Your Heart by TheWanderingHeart

“Jiang Cheng never thought he'd return to Hogwarts, but in hindsight, he probably should have known that someday he would.With his nephew about to start school, he reluctantly takes his good friend's bad parenting? career? advice and ends up tumbling head-first back into the madness that he hoped he'd left behind... and rediscovering some feelings he thought he'd left behind too.“

Harry Potter au!

just really fecking cute

lots of snakes

[I am not going to link all of Jo’s fics, though I probably could, just my 3 favourites. UOSB is there by default]

Talent Hunt Crew Finds Angry Guy Shouting On College Campus, Recruits Him For Vocal Projection Abilities by oh_fudgecakes

“Jiang Cheng, resident Angry Guy and heir to a conglomerate empire, has never been the apple of his father’s eye. Quashed under the shadow of his brilliant brother, the music prodigy Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng sees his chance to turn things around when he is recruited by the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt. One problem: he can’t sing to save his goddamn life.As he struggles to develop his nascent singing abilities, Jiang Cheng finds himself sucked into the whirlwind drama of reality TV, helped along by his adoring siblings, his irritable vocal coach Wen Qing, and strangely enough, the unfairly attractive host of the All-Stars Lan Talent Hunt, Lan Xichen. Somewhere in the glare of the stage lights and an unexpected first love, Jiang Cheng stumbles upon the thing he was searching for all along: the courage to dream — and to attempt the impossible.“

done for 2019 MXTX Big Bang

uuuuuuuuuuh i might have cried maybe

heartwarming? painful at times? lots of family love?

slowburn xicheng being lovely

The Provenence of Hope series by velithya

“A chance meeting on a night hunt sets a course of events into motion that will change everything. Featuring Xicheng getting together, recovery for Lan Xichen, healing for Jiang Cheng, and always, always, hope.“

got everything. feels. hope. love. ~~healing~~

A Small Measure of Peace by Sandstone112

“With his brother in seclusion, Lan Xichen finds himself in temporary custody of his nephew with little to no expertise in the child-raising department. Uncertain and alone, Zewu-Jun is willing to do everything to be the person Yuan needs—even if it means inviting Sandu Shengshou to a playdate.“

a loooot of adorable family times with jc and lxc taking care of their nephews

good grandpa lqr!

canon but fixed and less painful

🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋if you wish to avoid scurvy:🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋

Some day I’m gonna make you mine series by locketofyourhair

xicheng getting together through the years

friends with benefits but the real benefits are the friends we made along the way

Take me over (take me tonight) by velithya

jiang cheng has a tattoo and lan xichen doesn’t stand a chance

i'd be the sweet feeling of release (mankind now dreams of) by piyo13

two bros, chilling in a cave, no feet apart because they don’t want to lose their cultivation powers what are you gonna do

haven’t read yet and shame on me, but AM GONNA:

Upon Our Silver Bridge by TheWanderingHeart obviously

““When the path ignites a soul, there's no remaining in place. The foot touches ground, but not for long.” ― Hakim Sanai

**

Lan Xichen's sorrows have caught the attention of something. Unlike the adventures and foes they have faced before, there is no obvious enemy here to defeat. If this is the same thing they thought had taken Nie Mingjue's life, then he believes it is fated for him to die as well. Nothing can stop the black fire when it wants to burn.Jiang Cheng is sure his part in this is over. Wei Wuxian is back, his grand adventure concluded, and he'd never been at the centre of it anyway. So what does it matter what happens to him in the end? Slowly, he will come to realise that there will always be a battle to fight, a story to tell, a choice to make, and there is no such thing as an end to anything.“

it was difficult to do things in 2020 and few i regret not doing more than not reading uosb yet :’(

i will tho

Emergency Help Wanted by piyo13

“EMERGENCY HELP WANTED I lied when I got my job. I told them I had a kid so I could leave early from work to pick him up from daycare, take him to doctor's appointments, and occasionally miss a day when he's sick. Long story short, I'm in too deep. I didn't think it through. Looking to rent a kid for bring your child to work day. Must be a boy ages four to six, longish dark hair, likes soccer. Must also be artistic as the macaroni noodle paintings I made seem a little advanced for his age. Also, I will pay extra for someone willing to play the role of husband when dropping him off. He's a prosecuting attorney who often brings his work home. Message me for further details. Serious inquiries only.“

Running Our Hands Through Embers by MarvelousMar

“If asked, Jiang Cheng would compare falling in love with Lan Xichen to a moth inevitably drawn to a flame.It burned.***In which Jiang Cheng discovers that even death can't help him escape from his trauma, so he embarks on a quest to save the people he loves, fix what he can, make the love of his life fall for him, and maybe, somewhere along the way, do a little bit of healing.”

The Beginner’s Guide to Moving On by InvincibleMel

gone from ao3, but i think there’s a link with a pdf going around

[nekocchin]

Still into you – Lysander X Reader

— Like/Repost if you like!

— Songfic: Still into you – Paramore

You had achieved your childhood goal by making a living from music. It wasn't glamorous or extravagant at all, your songs didn't always play on the radio or compete with other songs to be the most played of the week, but just being able to pay all your bills and treat yourself sometimes was more than enough for you. leave immensely satisfied. You were fulfilled and happy, or was that what you desperately wanted to try to convince yourself of every day. After you suddenly broke up with the love of your life and were forced to move to another city because of your father's work, you never felt complete again. As much as you achieved many of your goals, you could never celebrate any of these achievements with him, you never heard that sweet voice singing the songs you wrote thinking about the two of you, and you can never fulfill your dream of starting a band with him. You missed Lysander. And he never managed to get over the fact that he couldn't even say goodbye to him when he moved to another city. And that when he finally returned, he found that the boy had returned to the farm after his parents died. You blamed yourself even more after hearing those words leave Rosalya's lips, you wish you could have been with Lysander in that moment and comforted him, as he always did when you were going through difficult and seemingly unending times.

– I can't count the years on one hand. That we are together. I need the other one to hold you. Make you feel, make you feel better. – You started another one of the countless songs you had written for the two of you. The bar that night was full of people, all eyes on you, stunned by your physical and vocal beauty. Your melancholy air as you sing the verses were enchanting in the eyes of the audience, your way of guiding the song by feeling all the lyrics and their meaning was too beautiful for anyone to even dare take their eyes off you. - It is not easy to love each other. But when our fingers intertwine. Can't deny it, can't deny it, you're worth it. Because after all this time… – You sang every word remembering those heterochromatic eyes reflecting you, his gentleness in your first kiss was still a vivid memory in your mind – I still have a crush on you – You sang, loud enough to the microphone was not even needed at that time. And, it was at that moment that you saw an albino guy enter the place. His eyes couldn't believe it. Could it really be him? Had his pleas really had any effect on fate snaring your future again? Then, without thinking twice, you left the stage and started running towards the corner where the albino had headed and, in some corner, you saw him. It wasn't a lie. He really was there, with a small smile on his face and a notepad in one hand.

“L-Lys…” His voice came out in a whisper. It was so weird to see the love of her life again. Years had passed since she'd last seen him, and even after years apart, her heart was beating frantically in her chest like she was that reckless, bumbling teenager from Sweet Amoris.

– [Nickname] – Lysander's gaze at you was like an arrow to your heart. He kept that serene and caring look, that look… in love.

– Lysander! - Without thinking twice your legs instantly moved towards the boy, enveloping him in a warm hug and enjoying that smell so characteristic of the albino - I-I missed you... - You started to mumble, feeling the tears fill your eyes - I'm sorry… I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry… - His voice was broken and full of pauses due to the intensity of the crying and the sobbing that started in an insistent way.

– I missed you too [Nickname] – The boy smiled, taking a hand to his hair and stroking it as he returned the hug and hid his face in his chest – We'll have plenty of time to talk – You heard the boy say, while he stayed trying to control her tears and sobs. – Because I, too, after all this time… I'm still into you.

[issaxcharlie]

Ghost of you (1/2)

Pairing: Luke Patterson x Fem Reader

This fic is inspired by Dancing with your ghost by Sasha Sloan and specially Ghost of you from 5SOS and one of its verses also makes an appearance.

It’s also a collaboration I did with the lovely @cookiebuba, thank you for trusting me to write it, love! (I really hope you like it🥺)

Summary: This first part is angst and is basically Y/N catching up with her boyfriend Luke one last time in the 90’s and then Luke founding her once he’s back in 2020.

And that's the only thing I'll say because I really don't want to spoil you. I also adored to write it🥺💖

1997

“Hello again, my love.

Today marks 2 years since you left, And it's still as hard as the first day. One of the hardest things is waking up. Sometimes I stay almost an hour on bed, looking towards the door. Terrified to turn to your side and find it empty again.

Every night I try to rest for hours until finally exhaustion allows me to sleep wrapped in one of your old shirts, pretending that you are quietly sleeping next to me. Sometimes I have to play the only slow song from the first and last Sunset Curve record to ease the craving of you and in the hope that it will help my mind to meet you in my dreams. Those nights when I am lucky enough to find you are what keeps me relatively sane, because no matter how much it hurts to have to say goodbye, not seeing you again would be so much more painful.

I could dream of us anywhere, doing anything. But it’s always the same dream, what I yearn most projected in it. It always starts with me opening the door of our house, you are writing a song in the living room and as soon as you look at me you smile as if you had not seen me in years, wrapping me in your arms with all your strength.

You tell me how much you love me, and that when you are without me you feel as if your soul is missing. And then you ask me to promise not to leave you again. And it hurts, it hurts like fucking hell. Because I know I’m dreaming. Because I know it’s not actually you. Because I know I can’t promise you that. And god, how much I want to promise you that.

I divert the conversation crashing my lips on yours because I don’t want to lie to you, even if it’s only a dream. You pick me up and I hang my legs around your waist. And for a second I allow myself to forget. I sink in your perfume, in your arms, in your kisses, in how your tongue feels inside my mouth, in how your hands walk all over my body, In how my name sounds almost magical in your husky voice.

We spent the rest of the day just being us. Laughing, writing, playing, singing.

I sing to you the last song I wrote, the one I wrote especially for you after the first dream. The first time it just came out naturally, like it had been there the whole time. When I woke up I decided to write it down and complete it, and the next time I dreamed you I started playing it for you, just like all the following times. Because it’s the only excuse I have to cry there, for you to comfort me. Because it’s the only way I have for you to understand a little of what I am suffering without ruining the illusion.

“Come here beautiful, you’ll never have to experience something like that, I promise. You’ll dance with the real deal.” If you only knew, love.

That's when I melt on you. The tears don’t stop falling as you practically wrap me in your arms and we dance calmly around the room, I’m sobbing like crazy while you sing in my ear to try to help me relax.

I can tell you’re freaking out, comforting someone while crying was never your strong suit, but being me you always try your best,and that was more than enough.

The dream always ends with me in your arms, when I finally calm down and our heartbeats sound as one. Everything feels good for a second until suddenly I can't hear yours anymore. I beg you to hold on to me but little by little you fade away. I try to dance alone, pretending that you are still there to try to make you reappear, but I never get it. I never get you. So I keep dancing and crying until the stabbing pain wakes me up.

And I know it sounds awful and heartbreaking, but I can assure you, If to see the shine in your eyes, hear your voice and feel your lips, I have to end up dancing with the ghost of you, I’ll do it every single time. It's worth it... you are worth it. I would happily pay for the suffering I go through when I wake up every day in order to continue living the good moments.

I officially released the song a month ago, and it's doing fairly good. I knew I had to come to tell you, and it was a good excuse to finally dare to tell you that I still find you recurrently in my dreams. You will always be the love of my life, my biggest dream. I love you Luke, yesterday, today and always.”

After talking to him for hours, she gets up, wipes her knees, and examines the tombstone of her beloved for a few more seconds before leaving the cemetery.

The only thing on her mind right now is how unfair life was with her.

2020

After several months Julie finally decided to hear the music that she used to listen with her mother at full volume every day. Iconic songs from the 90's that marked the life of her mommy and later, in some way, hers.

‘Ghost of you’ starts playing and Julie can't help but feel even more connected to the song now that she lost Rose and the boys came into her life.

Just as she thinks of them almost as if she had summoned them, Sunset Curve appears. Reggie is about to speak when Alex puts his hand on his mouth. The three turn pale and begin to search where the sound is coming from, until the three approach their friend's laptop, a tear instantly falling from Luke's eyes.

“Ghost of you by Y/N Y/L. The story says that the poor thing lost the love of her life when she was just a teenager, she couldn’t recover from that loss. 2 years later she released this song to honor his lover on the anniversary of his death, and ended being one of the most iconic songs of the 90's era."

“Dancing through our house with the ghost of you. Cleaning up today, found that old Zeppelin shirt you wore when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt.”

There is no doubt that she wrote it for him. The pain on the young woman's face makes him want to hit his head against the wall until he’s unconscious.

Reggie and Alex aren’t in better shape, they both seem about to pass out. Julie wasn’t expecting them to be so affected over an old love song.

“I know the feeling guys, her voice is breathtaking and heartbreaking at the same time, is insane. I know she would have done a lot more of amazing music if she’d had more time.”

If Luke's heart continued beating it probably would have stopped at that very moment.

“Julie, What do you mean with If she’d had more time?”

“She died a month after releasing the song in a car accident. I think in 1997.”

THANK YOU FOR READING, part 2 HERE✨

[karis-the-fangirl]

Worth the Cost - Wheel of Time (book!verse), Lan x Nynaeve fic

Post-series, Lan and Nynaeve are rebuilding Malkier, but Nynaeve continues to be haunted by the pain of Lan's near-death. A little hurt/comfort, with an excessively fluffy epilogue.

Fandom: Wheel of Time (book)

Pairing: Lanaeve

Word count: 1530

Rating: G

CW for mention of childbirth

also posted on AO3

Any worldbuilding or continuity errors are genuine mistakes, so feel free to point them out!

The first time it happened was just after they’d finally moved from their tent into a restored royal suite—still bare of anything but their pallet and pieces of portable campaign furniture, but swept clean of filth, the roof and windows repaired. Not on the first night, when they’d fallen into their bed, triumphant but exhausted; nor the second night, when celebrating their improved privacy ended in a different kind of triumph and an equal measure of exhaustion.

It was the third night when Nynaeve woke screaming, doubled over in pain, her hands clutching over her stomach. Lan was alert at once, hand going first to his sword, then dropping it to grasp his wife’s shoulder as dread squeezed his heart. He searched their bond, to feel her pain, anticipate what she would need—but he found only phantom agony, tightly wound with fear and grief, and rising panic. Understanding dawned as she twisted in his hold, her own cold fingers fluttering across his chest anxiously. He felt the chilly tingle of her power as she delved him for injury, felt her sobbing gasp of relief blow hot against his skin as her searching touch found the place where he had once sheathed Demandred’s sword in his own body. There was not even a scar to mark it—not after Narishma’s skillful healing—and Nynaeve kissed the smooth skin, pressing her face against him. Her tears slid over Lan’s belly as he reached down to cradle her head in his palm.

She had felt it. He had known she would, had asked for her forgiveness in his heart before that last moment—what he’d expected to be the final moment of his life. He had regretted the grief he had always feared for her, but Lan realized that he had not fully understood the physical pain she must have felt. He had been numb to it, wrapped in the ko’di, resolved and stoic to his duty, but he had forgotten that Nynaeve never numbed herself to anything. She felt everything, for good or ill, to a greater depth than anyone else he’d ever known.

Light, what must that blow have felt like to her?

He could feel the echo of it still in their bond, a memory of pain so great it had seemed to be in her own body, cutting her in half. Lan stroked his fingers through her hair, combing it gently back from her wet face.

“My heart,” he whispered, cupping her cheek, his voice thick with regret.

She turned her head to kiss the heel of his hand, then pushed herself upright, sniffing and scrubbing her own hands over her face.

“It was just a dream,” she said, and smiled shakily at him. “Just a dream.”

---------

It came at uneven intervals, the phantom blade cutting through Nynaeve’s sleep. She fought not to scream again, and would shudder awake with her jaw clenched so tightly it ached, a minor pain compared to the agony boring through her middle. And while that sharp, searing pain only lasted a moment, it left her shaken and sick in a way that neither herbs nor Healing could touch—and she couldn’t suppress her need to press her hands to her husband’s body, to be sure that he was whole.

Almost two years had passed, and the queen of Malkier lay curled around her husband, her head resting a few inches above his hip while he stroked her hair. Tears had dried on her cheeks, leaving an itchy residue. Nynaeve was too wrung out to get up and wash her face. Lan would have brought her a cloth, but she preferred him where he was, solid and warm and very alive.

“It should be me,” he said suddenly. He was scowling up at the ceiling. “It was enough that I made you suffer once—it was my choice, and it should be my pain to bear.”

“Your pain is mine,” she reminded him, quoting long ago vows. Lan leaned up on an elbow, hard muscles tensing under her cheek.

“I accepted the need to cause you that pain once, ” he growled. His gentle fingers caressing her arm seemed all the softer for the roughness of his voice. “If I could have foreseen you reliving it again and again, I—”

“You would make the same choice,” she said. He grunted, but Nynaeve’s weary laugh stopped him from denying it. “You made the choice you had to make, my husband, man of legend.” She shifted, moving to tuck her head against his shoulder. “You would make the same choice,” she repeated, “because you are too mutton headed to have found another way.”

He snorted, but after another pause Lan said softly “I did not mean to curse you with this pain, my heart.”

Her sigh fluttered across his chest. She spoke reluctantly, as if the admission were dragged out of her. “I think it’s my fault.”

His hand stilled against her hair for a moment, but he only resumed the light strokes and waited.

“I think I keep repeating it in my dreams because…because I’m still so afraid. When it happened—when I felt it, when I thought I would feel you…” Nynaeve shuddered, pressing closer to him. “I keep trying to figure out how to keep you alive, to use the bond so that you share the slowing, or something , because I imagine living for so long without you, and I—" She broke off, turning to bury her face in his chest even as he rolled onto his side to wrap her up in his arms.

“We always knew…” he began, voice gentle, and his wife did her best to punch him in the ribs.

“You always knew you were going to die alone in the Blight,” she snapped. “One of us has to be invested in keeping your skin whole, and it was never going to be you. I’ll find something, and then it will stop. I know it will.”

The king of Malkier, knowing that it was better to choose his ground in battle, held his tongue.

----------

Lan felt his wife’s pain through the bond, the sharp stab of it cutting through her abdomen. He heard Nynaeve cry out, while he could only stare helplessly at the door that stood between him and his beloved, his fists clenched.

Nynaeve insisted that a birthing room was no place for a man. The other women had agreed, tart sniffs showing what they thought of the very idea, and Lan had not been able to pretend it had ever been a custom of Malkier. The birth was women’s business, and he had promised to stay outside while his queen labored to bring an heir into the world. A child. Their child.

Suddenly lightheaded, he sat down, only to leap to his feet again immediately.

Another wave of pain, and he heard Nynaeve let out a blistering curse. Something smashed against the wall—the water ewer, he thought. And then—

Tears spilled down his own cheeks as he felt Nynaeve’s sobs, and heard the high, lusty wailing of an infant split the air. Only his assurance through the bond that his wife was well—exhausted, but full to overflowing with joy—and that therefore all was well with the child kept Lan observing decorum outside the door, waiting to be invited in to the women’s sanctum.

He felt a brush of loving humor from Nynaeve in response to his impatience, and one of the ladies opened the door. Lan nodded politely, but he could not have put a name to the woman if a knife were held at his throat, because he had eyes only for the disheveled, sweat-soaked, breathtaking loveliness of his wife as she smiled at him, radiant, joyful, and more than a little smug, a bundle of blankets held against her chest.

“Come and see your son,” she said.

As he knelt at her side, brushing reverent fingers over the baby’s damp black hair, Nynaeve leaned into his shoulder, letting the arm he wrapped around her back support her. Light but she was tired! To think she would do this twice more, at least!

When her first pain had come she’d thought it was the old dream again, that her fear of losing her husband had summoned the remembered agony from the hidden corners of her mind. Instead it had been the first in a very long day and night of many pains. But it was worth it, she thought, as little Maric opened eyes that were almost the blue of his father’s.

She would never stop looking for a way to keep her husband alive, to draw his lifespan out to match hers—and surely no man had earned it more—but here was a part of him that would live on, regardless. This was what Lan had bought with his pain, with her pain--the land around them, freed from the Blight, the graceful towers, the clear lakes. This room, comfortable and intimate in the candlelight, and now the child in her arms, red-faced, rooting fitfully at her robe, already making his father laugh softly.

"It was worth it," Nynaeve murmured.

[secret-engima]

Tomorrow is looking up to be - absolutely terrible. Can I beg you for some RWBY or FFXV snippets, please?

Of course! I know it is the "tomorrow" you speak of but lemme see what I can dig up-

Team Gremlin:

There was silence for a long, long time. Nothing but Ruby’s sobbing and Yang’s pounding heart and the fear that pressed down on them from all around. Formless, but not nameless. Then she heard the stairs creak and for one moment Yang was sure that “Salem” was coming upstairs to get Ruby.

But then the door opened and Yang saw Dad’s boots, “Girls? It’s okay. Come on out.” Yang didn’t move, Ruby just sobbed a little louder and clung tighter to her. Dad sighed and bent down to peer at them, “You heard all that didn’t you.” He looked … not mad, but stressed. Maybe scared, and that made the fear worse for Yang. Yang clung to Ruby, her precious baby sister with silver eyes that no monster should be able to get to, and nodded. Dad’s face pinched, then he gave a smile that even she could tell was fake, “Come on out, girls. It’s okay. I promise. That was all just- that was adult talk okay? You don’t need to worry about that until you’re older-.”

“Ruby’s eyes,” Yang bit out, “R-ruby has Mom’s e-eyes.”

“It’s okay, Yang, Ruby, I promise. We’ll take care of it-.”

A creak of wood behind Dad and he frowned before straightening up and turning to face whoever was there, “I’ll be down in a minute, just let me-.”

“Taiyang,” Professor Ozpin sounded weirdly calm, more calm than Dad did, “may I speak to them?”

“…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

A sigh, “I am well aware of your opinion on this matter, Taiyang, and I respect it. But they have already heard enough to be terrified. Telling them to forget it now is not only impossible but potentially worse than talking to them. You made your stance on this matter very clear, but that does not apply to your children if it will put them in danger.” Professor Ozpin’s voice softened, “Either I speak with them or Qrow does, but please. Let one of us help.”

Dad didn’t move for a long time, then his boots made for the door, “Fine. But don’t drag them into this more than you have to.” A deep breath, “Girls? I’m going downstairs to check on your mother, if you need anything, just shout, okay? Professor Ozpin is going to talk to you for a little bit. He’ll be very nice.” The last bit was said in the same voice he used when warning Zwei not to dig holes in the yard.

Dad’s boots disappeared and fancy black shoes came closer. There was a pause, then, “Would you prefer to stay under the bed?” Ruby whined and Yang glared without a word. She didn’t know what was going on, but Dad seemed mad at Professor Ozpin and everything was scary and so yes, she wanted to stay under the bed. The tip of his fancy cane tapped the floorboards a few times, then there was a hiss and a whirr of gears like from her parents’ gear and the tip disappeared. With a grunt, he knelt down and then lay down on his stomach like even Mom rarely did. He pillowed his chin on his crossed arms and it was so strange seeing a fancy, famous person lying on his belly on the floor of Ruby’s room that Yang snorted despite herself.

Professor Ozpin’s face crinkled into a faint smile and it looked real and warm, “Hello there. You must be Yang and Ruby. I am Professor Ozpin, I’m a friend of your uncle and your mother. Can I safely assume you heard the most important parts of that conversation? The Grimm and the silver eyes and,” the briefest hesitation, “Salem?”

Ruby finally pulled her face away from Yang’s shoulder to whimper, “I-is she gonna take Mom away and m-make her a Grimm? Is she gonna t-take me?”

“Ah. You have silver eyes,” Professor Ozpin murmured, then his face fell back into that faint, warm smile, “Your mother is alright now, and now that we know what is going on, we will be much more careful. I promise, I will do everything in my power to keep your mother and you safe. But to do that … I would like to tell you a story, and you must both promise me to never tell it to anyone. For the safety of you and your mother.” They nodded, hesitantly, even though Yang certainly didn’t want to hear anymore scary things today. But if it would help keep Ruby and Mom safe-.

Professor Ozpin’s smile faded, but his eyes were still warm, “Once upon a time,” he began, and they listened intently as the man with white hair slowly outlined a story that sounded right out of a fairy tail.

...

Always I Dreamed verse:

Summer had no idea what Professor Ozpin had been thinking, making her the leader of Team STRQ. Then again, the only other real option would have been Taiyang, and as much as she enjoyed his company and was coming to think of him as a good friend and teammate, he wouldn’t have been able to handle the Branwen twins.

Not that Summer was much better at handling the Branwen twins.

They hadn’t done anything to get the team in trouble, but she didn’t know how to deal with them. Taiyang made sense, even if he had a few oddly adorable hangups on things like “modesty” —they were two guys and two girls living in the same room, she didn’t really see what modesty had to do with anything when they weren’t out in public—. Taiyang understood her when she tried to … bond with the team, tried to get them to be more than just four strangers living under the same roof and tackling the same assignments in class. Raven and Qrow on the other hand…

Every time she suggested a group activity, they watched her like she was going to bite. Like they couldn’t fathom the point of learning more about or bonding with anyone outside themselves. Taiyang had suggested it was an out of kingdom thing, but Summer had lived outside the kingdoms until five years ago, and she had never acted like that. Her family hadn’t either. That feral behavior, wary distrust and eerie staring in the middle of the night like even the room wasn’t safe to sleep in without a watch wasn’t anything like what Summer and her family or neighbors had grown up with. The only ones who had acted even similar had been-.

Oh.

Now that’s an idea.

...

Blood of My Blood verse:

The next one was a whole month after Grandma Crepera had first appeared and only a week after the scary man with the mace, but three times was enough for Dionysus to be able to immediately tell what was happening when he blinked his way to awareness in a dream. He looked around uneasily, afraid of being yelled at by someone again, but … there was no one scary nearby. He was in a small little building inside a big, unfamiliar garden. The building was just a roof and little pillars holding it up and a stone floor to stand on with a little table inside and-.

A woman.

She was sitting at the table, working on something, but instead of it being paperwork like Grandpa or taking care of a sword like Uncle Cor, she was … spinning mud? She was making mud spin and pulling at it with her hands, changing its shape with her fingers, and Dionysus hadn’t realized he’d drifted into the gazebo to watch her in awe until she glanced up from her work and smiled at him. She went back to watching her mud, and when she spoke, her voice wasn’t echoing and scary, “Hello. Would you like to join me? I have enough for both of us to use if you like.”

Dionysus watched the spinning-spinning-spinning in awe, but shook his head and tucked his hands behind his back, “Iggy says I can’t play in the mud cause I’ll get dirty an’ it’s unb- unbe- bad for a prince.” He blinked up at her, “How come you’re playing in the mud? Iggy says old people don’ like mud.”

The spinning slowed to a stop as she stared at him and he wondered if she was going to get mad. But then she started laughing, an old, deep sound that felt nice, all the way to his bones, “This is not mud, Cheeky Prince, this is clay. People use it to make things like mugs and teapots and vases. Come, come sit and I will show you how.” She waved her muddy hand and set down a chair next to hers in a flash of magical rosy-blue sparks. So she was family, just like the last ones had been. Dionysus hadn’t known he had so much family before. Then again, he was pretty sure they were all dead, and that’s why they were talking to him in dreams rather than when he was awake —and a part of him wondered if that should scare him, but it didn’t, so as long as they didn’t act scary, he didn’t bother trying—.

Dionysus climbed onto the chair and watched her in curiosity. It still looked a lot like mud to him, but it was a different color from mud, so he supposed it could be something else. The woman was spinning her clay again, fingers deftly shaping and pinching and rubbing, “My name is Nyssia, though some once called me the Just.”

Dionysus thought of the Hall of Arts and all the pictures and statues in it, including some of Grandma Crepera, and wondered if she was one of the pictures in the Hall, “Just like Grandma Crepera?”

An amused twitch of her lips, “Yes, I am like Crepera. We are both related to you, but we are older than King Regis.”

He tilted his head, partially mesmerized by what she was doing with the spinning clay, but curious despite himself about other things. She was like Grandma Crepera and the others, but she hadn’t used a scary voice at all, “How come?”

She hummed without looking away from her work, “How come what, Cheeky Prince? I cannot read your mind.”

Dionysus pouted at her, because wasn’t it obvious what he was asking? But then he said, “You don’ have a scary voice like they do.”

Now she did glance up at him with a look like Grandpa had when he said something silly, “Oh, don’t I?” Dionysus jolted in his seat, startled, but not … scared. Her voice had echoed just now, deep and layered like when Grandma Crepera or Leon had spoken, but it didn’t make him feel like he needed to go hide. It reminded him oddly of the big, booming bells that hung from old church in his favorite movie, loud but mellow. He kind of liked it, but he was still glad when her voice went back to normal as she shrugged, “I merely thought you would not like it if I used that voice. So I did not.”