#hazblogs

[northyourdakota]

ASKBLOG FOR EVERY CRINGY UNFUNNY TYPO LOVING CHARACTER KIN EVER!!!! YOU WILL HATE IT HERE. CRINGECRINGECRINGECRINGECRINGECRINGECRINGE Every post will have their respective cw tags.

crossover/rp blog intentionally for every kin under the sun but will be 80% shitposts and silly interactions w/ my friends the north dakota thing is an inside joke

♡ ♡ ♡ HUGE credit to everyone for their hard work at sprites! AuroraTaleSans, PuzzleCrafter, StevenUniverseFan101, TheIceKingYT MTcube7, underlove, Goofbread, 0831_julcy (SORRY AQUA), Addicted2Electr, AidanCoolFella2021, AirBurrito, meloncholic

cw fnf- cw eddsworld - cw newgrounds -cw crossover - cw vintage askblog - cw hazbin hotel - cw unfunny - cw neko arc - cw crude language - cw crude jokes - cw bias - cw tag spam - cw longpost cw fnaf - cw deltarune - cw dsaf - cw neko arc - cw paper mario - cw pokemon - cw splatoon - cw crude language

[reallesbianlucifer]

I'm already regretting getting this site. Too late to turn back I guess. 🌹

CWs:

Hazbin Hotel

NSFW jokes

Lots of cursing

[hey-foreieys]

I made a side blog for reblogging xReader fics, since I know not everyone wants to see those all the time. It's only slightly more embarrassing than this blog!

Might post some of my own ideas too, if you're interested in that sort of thing.

Warning: slobbering over guys that are just objectively terrible. Just. The Worst. But I can fix them

@hazblog-hoetells

[secretshinigami]

Artist: @beyondplusultra For: @hazblogs Prompt: mello, near and matt hugging in a “mello and matt don’t die” AU, after the warehouse scene Artist’s notes: hey there! i loved all your prompts so much, but i’m personally so soft for these three that i knew i had to choose this one. happy holidays!

[elsewhereuniversity]

rescue mission

It’s been five weeks and two days since Fake Dana was kil- disappeared and Real Dana came back. I didn’t know exactly what would happen to me should I complain about it to anyone but the dean, so I was laying low, but… the recent discovery of my roommate’s skin being a bright shade of green changed some of my plans.

When I told him - Threeox - about Real Dana murdering Fake Dana, and now living invisibly on the campus (I’d never seen her again), he sighed, locked the door and windows, before making me sit on the floor between our beds and getting out a small wooden key out of a seemingly lidless box made of shimmery dark brown wood. The box was amazingly carved, so much so that looking at it too long made me dizzy, and I had to close my eyes not to faint as the patterns on the lid started to sway as to a sharp breeze.

“Threeox, what’s that about ?” I asked, a little confused - and a whole lot scared.

That was probably not my smartest move - Threeox doesn’t talk per se, he just… gets his point across in a remarkable way that I had yet to pin down. A series of drawings of a cat with five eyes and a full ten minutes of interpretative dancing later, I kind of gathered that Fake Dana was trapped in the mirrors in the North Dorm, and couldn’t get out because of all the iron.

Naturally, I tried to organise a rescue mission, but gathering partners proved difficult. Real Dana apparently gained quite a reputation among the Student Witches, and everyone kept looking at me weirdly when I asked where Fake Dana was and if we could, like, rescue her maybe ? No one wanted to talk to me for more than two minutes, fidgeting uncomfortably and asking me if I’d packed my suitcase yet. I wasn’t going anywhere without Fake Dana, but hey, who am I to contradict the masses ? I’d just have to lay low a little longer.

It started on rocky grounds but I did gather for this mission a few seniors, all knights that had a history of being kind(er) to the Changelings, even though I’d never heard of them before. Their names were Toll, Bell and Eulogy, which - okay, some of us have weird names, but… It’s not that hard to pick a happy one. I couldn’t quite remember what mine was now but people had no trouble remembering me when I talked to them, so I assumed that was fine.

Add to the knights a freshman, EXO. Freshmen are probably a bit too young and frightened for that, but the fearless EXO wasn’t, uh, exactly a freshman ? Freshperson ? They were at least two metres tall and they had that look in their eyes that told you not to mess with them or they’d do unspeakable things that I, well, couldn’t speak of. Just know they were good for stuff like this. Or so I assumed, since they were the one who brought the knights to my bi-weekly “Where is Fake Dana” search.

We got some supplies: the baseball bat Fake Dana hid under my bed that one night the dean decided to do a room check, a good couple teaspoons of charcoal, some rags, a freaking battleaxe that Toll swooshed around like it weighed nothing, and that one river rock the archivist kindly lent us, and we departed for the wild wild north. Midnight seemed an appropriate time.

The dorm looked fancy, not gonna lie, the iron structure glimmered and almost rippled under the moonlight. I felt EXO shiver as we entered, their eyes losing any life that they might have had, their skin getting that weird greenish hue it didn’t have just moments before. The knights also shivered, but that might have been the cold.

The entrance was deserted, no sign of life save for a calico cat who meowed at us and tried to eat my shoelaces. She promptly departed when I told her they were a gift from the president, though I didn’t specify which president. It was the president of the cross-stitching club I was in in middle school, and she, uh, suffered from a slight eye issue after she looked through my hagstone. I mean, I did warn her about seeing the Nethers through the hole, but she didn’t listen.

Anyways, enough of that. Toll started to hack at the nearest door with his axe, waking up the poor unsuspecting students living there. “Where the fuck is she ?”, I asked, peeking around Toll’s shoulders. The two girls looked at each other, at Toll’s axe, at each other again, and one of them ended up spitting out “Basement. Third door to the left. Hope you die a slow, painful death, girl, you deserve it.”

Eulogy, true to her name, sang a few verses in Tamil, and we all collected our spirits before walking towards the basement. The iron in the walls seemed to sing to the beat of our steps, the doors creaking to the rhythm of our breaths. EXO seemed paler and paler under the dimmed overhead lights, until Eulogy sprayed us all with what I can only assume is water from that Wishing Well we’re not exactly supposed to talk about. That seemed to calm us down a little. I squeezed EXO’s hand when they looked at me questioningly, my smile thin and eyes dulled by fatigue. I couldn’t sleep that well since Fake Dana was gone, so I just wanted this to be over with already. 

The third door was cracked open, but no sounds emanated from behind the heavy iron and the weird, Tolkien-inspired words of advice in elvish. I could recognise “The way is shut, and the Dead keep it”, which wasn’t even the full correct quote. The door swayed to an invisible breeze and it opened way too silently for something made of rusty metal. As we went down the stairs, we could hear the stone crackle with contained electricity, so much so that Toll, Bell and Eulogy decided to stay up to guard our backs. EXO grit their teeth but didn’t stop, grabbing Toll’s axe on the way.

“Good luck, bro, and good riddance, you girl,” Eulogy waved, and the three knights were gone as if they were never here. I wondered what she meant by that, but I couldn’t ask in time. EXO gestured to the stairs, mouth shut tight. I was kind of getting tired of everyone telling me I should leave, so I hoped at least Fake Dana would help with that. Hadn’t I been working so hard to rescue her ?

At the bottom of the narrow stairs were two doors, also made out of metal, and what Threeox told me about - the mirror.

Ten feet tall, circled with iron chains, the metal behind the glass pane was reminiscent of clouds, though it was most likely silver. I could see a prostrate silhouette in the bottom right corner, faint tremors running through her whole body, sobs muffled, whimpers of pain spread between fits of coughing.

I yelled something I couldn’t really understand, a guttural sound that made her raise her head, and I saw Fake Dana’s eyes grow wide as she recognised me.

“Missed me ?” She smiled, teeth sharp.

My throat went tight as she started to slam her fists against the glass. “It’ll be okay soon. I promise,” I said, examining the lock keeping the iron chains together.

“Hey, move, I’ll take care of it,” a voice I pinned on EXO whispered in my ear. “Tell her to stand back.”

I did so, and Fake Dana retreated to the far side of the mirrorspace. With three swipes of his axe, EXO managed to hack away most of the chains, and the rest I hastily discarded, fists pounding on the glass as Fake Dana pounded back. 

“The key. The lock.”

“Fuck.” I started rummaging through my satchel, finally finding the small piece of wood that has slithered into the bag of crackers I keep for the crows. “Where is that fucking lock ?”

EXO gestured to the back of the mirror and helped me turn it around, their skin starting to sea as they kept pushing the metal. They eventually managed to shift it enough that I could wrestle my arm in and fit the key into an oddly shaped keyhole. 

The back of the mirror started glowing a pale green before cracking open, revealing a room barely large enough to fit Fake Dana. Tears welling up in my eyes, I did my best to extract her without causing her too much damage until she finally made it out to the other side.

“Friend,” I said. “I didn’t think I’d ever find you ! Thankfully Threeox helped, and there’s - look,” I continued, turning back to face my rescue team, forgetting it was only me and EXO now.

They were smiling, too, and they gestured at the stairs. I understood what they meant - out.

I turned to Fake Dana again, still somewhat relieved to see her dry her tears and gracefully get up without giving me the time to offer help. She smiled like nothing was wrong. I followed her up the stairs and into the hall, her naked feet sizzling and leaving angry red marks on the floor, probably due to the iron dust covering every inch of the place. EXO swung the the front door open, touching the iron pane with a quickly blistering hand, and as I looked at them more closely, I couldn’t help but mouth “Threeox”. 

“Oh shit, right, come here !” Fake Dana grabbed my face with both her hands, her palms wet with leftover tears and blood, the feel of them sending shivers down my spine. She spat in my eyes like she’d done before, and suddenly the night became less bright, her skin less pale, EXO’s features morphing into the face of my roommate, skin going from that red I’d been kinda surprised about, to the vibrant green that the cat warned me about. 

Toll, Bell and Eulogy were nowhere to be seen. I started wondering if I’d dreamed about them, if they were ever here at all. Their names had stuck in my mind and once again I wondered what mine was. I know Sizzle, my roommate, was quite upset before shoving me out of the room - which room was that again ? 17 ? 23 ? I forgot.

Fake Dana interrupted my thoughts with a light shove on my arm. “You can leave, now, you’ll remember who you are soon. It’s okay, it’s done.”

“What’s done ?” I tried to ask, but my eyelids suddenly became so heavy I had trouble keeping them open.

The last thing I heard were guttural sounds, so unlike Fake Dana’s voice, and a wet caress on my back.

I woke up on this train a few moments ago. I don’t know where it’s going, except from “Far away” and “Not where I came from”. My suitcase is filled with all my belongings, except the iron jewellery I acquired during my two years as Elsewhere U. And as I look at the landscape we are zapping by, I do not recognise the streets nor the trees.

The only thing keeping me from falling asleep again is the sticky red liquid pouring out of my nose, making me curse out loud as I scramble for a handkerchief. The blood stops flowing after a while, and I catch my reflection in the window across me.

I have several streaks of white hair, the contrast sharp with my otherwise dark brown ponytail. My eyes are bloodshot and I have blood caked on my face in the shape of hands. My skin is pale, my eyes gleam a quickly fading red.

I remember it now. My name is Dana.

x

[mihaelkeehl]

thank you for posting the "mello isn't actually the shouty one" meta again... you have no idea how deep it stuck with me and how much i wanted to have that aspect in writing mello since i read it. really, thank you !

This is so kind of you I’m really glad you like it! I think it’s easy to forget that for that period both Mello and Near at their core are just exploited children reacting in the only way they know how to life altering news and it’s easy for the viewers to make a snap judgement based on that. Mello is more similar to L than most would care to admit, for obvious reason preferring a Near comparison, but the makings of L are in Mello too. What a tragic shame for both of them.

[13eyond13]

this was what your post looked like before it loaded and honestly thanks tumblr for providing the khaki "no image" image, very on point...

(also thanks for maintaining your blog <3 been following for ages and you're extremely good to have on my dash, take care for the new year !)

Hahaha omg, I mean I can't really see any difference tbh?? Thank you Tumblr for breaking Light Yagami fashion down to its bare essentials for us 🙏I will tag @hebescus as well bc it's her post originally lol

And thank you @hazblogs for being so sweet, omg I def recognize your name and I can't believe this blog is still going strong somehow, but then again WHY NOT I somehow am still finding it fun, and it's entirely thanks to the funny little interactions like this

[delicourse]

hi !! scrolling through your blog after not seeing it on my dash for a while, as one does, and i noticed your drawings from some years ago of yams and tsukki, and i just. had a very strong nostalgia attack !!! i remember following you since... basically the beginning ? at least mid 2016. and you've changed and improved so so much !!! i still knew it was you at first glance, there's a way you draw soft faces that i could recognise everywhere, but the colours are more present and the movement !! the flair !! idk i just really really appreciate your art and i'm so happy to have seen it evolve. we don't share fandoms anymore but i'm still here because your content is amazing

have an amazing day !!!

oh thank you so so much!!!! it’s really impressive that you’ve been around for so long!! thats been like? 5 years?! makes me realize how long i’ve been on here too lmao!! it’s really cool to hear that my current art still has something thats recognisable to it, after all this time!

also this ask came in at such a fun time since i recently started rewatching haikyuu through showing it to my sister, (we are on season 2 currently) and hoo boy am i hit with some nostalgia as well! i literally have so many sketches for it rn but i was worried that nobody’s still around for me to post them, but honestly i’ll think about finishing them if only bc of this message!! once again thank u i really appreciate it!! you have an amazing day too!

[heleizition]

nosssssss !!! labrador superman sounds so so nice ☹️ he's just SUNSHINE WOOF and he and batman's interactions must be gold. love for the furry AU and for u !!!!! mwa

neither of them are shifters in the end hehe !!!!!!! but superman’s son is a cute dog too so :D !!! and he plays lots with damian (batman’s son) whos a wolf shifter :D !!!!! hope ur liking that haz uwu <3

[lightsturtleneck]

HI HELLO I'M YOUR KIRA AND I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOVE YOUR A !!!!!! XE LOOKS SO SOFT AND SWEET AND THEY'RE TRANS AND ARO ?????? CRIES RIVERS OF TEARS. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

HELLO I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!! I’m not the best artist but that prompt allowed me to do a little bit or writing and art!!!!!!!! Thank YOU for the prompt!!! Also feel free to DM me if you have any questions or want to know more of my headcanons about them :D

[underthemistletoehqzine]

Meet the Writers: Haz

[reallesbianlucifer]

YOU SUCK AT THIS -adam

I guess so. Pretty good at fucking your wives though.

[eyecicles]

happy birth !! i love your blog. i hope your day went well !!

Thank you! 🙏🏻✨ I chilled for the most part, but that’s exactly what I wanted to do ^^

[secretshinigami]

Tangle

Author: @hazblogs For: @beyondplusultra Pairings/Characters: Near/Mello/Matt Rating/Warnings: G Prompt: “mello with even longer hair, braided in some cool style” + “mello x matt x near college AU shenanigans (can be ship or gen)” Author’s notes: ok so you have no idea how hard i hand flapped when i saw your prompt - and then your name. aka i wrote a thing for you last sse which was a very very perfect companion piece for the one i’m gifting you rn. lots of love <333333333

————————

“Matt. Are you trying to tell me something ?” Mello asks.

“Me ? Communicating ? I’ll have you know that hasn’t happened since the great fire of the library of Alexandria. I was devastated and vowed to never speak again, which I would have fully respected had you not decided to spawn a few centuries later to torment me.”

Mello is tempted to chuck the pair of scissors to his face, but that would probably be dangerous. They are adorned with a little bow and a note that says “Put them to good use !” in tidy, loopy letters.

A snicker rises from the then-two-now-triple bed, a small white head emerging from under the blanket. “I see you’ve found my present.”

“Near, I’ll ask this once and once only: why in hell would you ever think I’d cut my hair ?”

They’ve been growing it out very, very patiently ! It took months ! After the incident and the fact that the hospital had to shave most of it off, adding to the fact there’s now a bald scar patch on the side of their head, Mello tried really really hard to gain a sense of… self-love ? Looking at their face in the mirror was never a chore before.

Feeling the wind blow through their now quite long hair had been amazing.

“It goes into my mouth when we sleep,” Near answers. “I’m tired of waking up and having to spit it all out.”

Mello has half a mind to tell him that if he doesn’t like it that much, he just has to not cuddle up to them in his sleep, but that’s unfair - and also unwanted. Mello quite likes waking up to Matt and Near snuggled up so close to them that they feel loved in a way only kids can feel, with their utmost certainty in the good of this world. It’s a nice warmth, spreading from their chest to their toes.

“Ugh. Fine, I’ll tie them up.”

“What ?” Matt almost yells from his place on the floor, a true cave troll. “I’ve been trying to make you do that for months and you always said you hated it ! And Near doesn’t even have to ask ? I haven’t lived that long to be disrespected in this way. I am appalled, I am betrayed, in my own home-”

“You don’t even go to this uni,” Mello usefully provides.

“Fiend. Rascal. I’m looking up hair braiding tutorials right this instant.”

“Oh, let me join,” Near asks, and soon enough, the two friends are completely ignoring Mello’s fuming, too busy looking at EveryDayHairInspiration videos on Youtube, her chipper voice filling the room with detailed instructions.

Nothing more comes of it. Or at least, that’s what Mello thinks, because they haven’t been jumped on and tied to a chair, where Matt’s deft fingers - and Near’s less deft fingers but keen memory - will wreak havoc on their admittedly finicky strands. They have thin, blond hair, though they know not who in their family passed on those genes. The woes of being adopted. It is almost impossible to comb, in spite of their best efforts and the KeraCare Hydrating Detangling Shampoo that Matt surreptitiously bought and sneaked into the bathroom, but that does not deter them.

Nor does the ever growing “Mello’s hair collection” that Matt keeps, like a creep, “So I can sell it when you become a best-selling author of course !” Mello thinks it’s for doll-making purposes, should he take offence to something they did and want to stab them in a more discreet fashion.

In any case, it’s been a few weeks when Mello comes back to the dorm room to find it in a state of upheaval it hasn’t known since Near arrived. There’s at least three cans of hairspray, a million and a half elastic ties of various shapes and sizes, and an office chair. Mello has been complaining about not having a chair to be able to work at the table, but Matt had always whined that it was “unnecessary, and would take up too much space”.

“Mels ! You’re here !” says the obvious culprit. “I borrowed Mikami’s chair, I hope he doesn’t mind.”

Incredible. The chair isn’t even going to stay !

“Will you come in ?” Near smiles, absolutely delighted at Mello’s crumpled features. “We’ve set up the hair salon.”

“Wow, you two have ambition,” they mock. Mello does feel a little bit of terror at the twin gleams in their eyes.

Near simply ushers them towards the seat, detangling lotion ready, and he begins applying ungodly amounts of it while Matt combs through their hair with vigour. It does feel quite nice, Mello muses, to be pampered like they’re worth it. The amount of sappiness can be felt in the air, the love pouring from their friends right onto them making them feel giddy.

“You okay, Mello ?”

They don’t even know who said it. They startle awake, wondering when they even started to doze off, and Matt laughs heartily at their dazed-out face.

“Oh my god, Mels, you look like you’re in heaven.”

“Mrrgh,” they muster the courage to say. 

“Eloquent.”

“Shut up, Near…” 

The energy isn’t quite there, though.

A few moments pass by while Near and Matt keep twisting their hair in weird ways, the tingling sensation on their scalp never nearing pain with how careful they are. And then-

“Ta-da !” Matt says, happy as can be.

“We did good work,” Near concurs. “Wait, I have a mirror.”

Mello sure hopes so. Truth be told, they’re quite curious to see what the other two managed to do. Matt makes them close their eyes, spinning the chair for good measure, and Near laughs airily in the background, hands flapping a little.

“Open your eyes !”

They do. At first, they almost don’t see it - their hair is gathered on their right side, as usual. But then they notice the subtle ways in which their hair glows under the light, a small black hair tie at the bottom keeping it together.

Somehow, they manage not to let those annoying tears flow.

“They like it !” Matt whoops.

Near relaxes - he seemed unsure of their reaction, but Matt knows how to read them perfectly, and he knows, he just knows. The force of habit.

The braid stays on for about two days. Mello keeps forgetting it’s there and running their fingers through their hair only to have them tangled in the braid, or turning too fast and flinging it in someone’s face. Near eventually undoes it when they whine about washing their hair, though it returns soon after. He cuddles closer now - Mello feels their heart jump each time they wake up to their two loves, if they can say the word, and they remember that moment throughout the day when they play with the twists.

[elsewhereuniversity]

hm, so, it has become apparent to me that the small cat following me is not a muted shade of red, but actually full-on green. this temporary colour blindness miiiiight come from the fact that fake dana spat in my eyes "so you'd be safer, sweetheart", before she was tragically murdered by - ugh, i hate remembering that. real dana seems to have understood that i wasn't gonna stay in a dorm with her, but my new roommate's skin is the same colour as the cat's fur. i may need to worry - sizzle

[translightyagami]

oof today is asky day, so uh: based on your fics you're a trans man, you take time to make friends but when you do you're absolutely fascinated, you don't have a partner, you definitely are a more introspective person than most (and it started really young), you want validation but often when it comes it's only a fleeting satisfaction compared to all the setbacks you've had. sorry if this got too personal, feel free not to post this. i love your work and i meant no disrespect

ahhhh! you dug deep! so yes, i’m a trans man, i do take a lot of time to make friends (it’s, tbh, the thing i take most of my time for because i love having a pretty good circle of both irl and online friends), i am single (which probably wafts off my shipping fics bc they are...stellar in their horniess....i rlly need a boyfriend probably lol), i don’t know if i’m introspective, tbh, because i tend to vocalize most of my thoughts and am incredibly chatty. like, i’d say most people i am close with would describe me as an overtalker - which was indeed a thing that started young lol. i love validation so much, and tbh i don’t rlly get fleeting satisfaction. i often revist past compliments, or comments i’ve gotten that really affirmed my self-worth and ability from outside sources and use them to power myself through difficult times. i have a lot of inner doubt about myself, and my ability to do things, so validation is something that i find very important because it usually will reinforce whatever decision i’ve been hemming over as one that i’d be smart to make. it just takes a little push.

it deffo wasn’t too personal, and i’m willing to bet more of this came from my blog than my fics (altho who knows! perhaps my desire for outside affirmation comes out through light’s praise kink....), but thank you so much! its always fun to hear abt the self from others!