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typical-simplelove · 2 years ago

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Nervous (E. Pettersson)

Summary: A compilation of your and Elias' relationship, based on the title song by Maren Morris.

Author's Note: It's finally here!! This is for @antoineroussel's fic exchange, and I've had the honor of writing for @ya-pucking-nerd once again! I'm sorry this coming so late in the game, but I hope you enjoy this! I had so much fun writing this :))

Warnings: implied!female reader; mentions of puking, heart attacks, and seizures (but only in a general sense and like once); mostly proofread

Word Count: 5.6k

There were many moments in Elias’ life that he knew were the most nerve-wracking moments of his life. Some moments were the typical butterflies or nerves that came from doing something new for the first time, such as learning to ride a bike. Some moments were so monumental that there was no telling if he knew what was going on. There were some moments, on the other hand, where if he didn’t control himself, Elias would puke all over the place.

All these moments spread across the span of his entire life. However, when it came to you, he was having nerve-wracking moments just about every time he saw you.

How was it possible that one person turned Elias’ entire world upside down? It was truly love at first sight, and sometimes, Elias can’t tell if he’s the luckiest or the unluckiest man in the world because while he has you in his life, his stomach just never stops lurching, and his heart never stops beating erratically, and his face is never not as hot as an oven.

Plainly, you make Elias nervous, and there’s just nothing he can do about it.

. . .

The first moment Elias met you, your back was to him. He was at one of Brock's house parties at some random time in both the season and the year. Since buying a house over the summer, Brock was obsessed with throwing parties, and they were always fun to attend.

Normally, nothing extremely exciting happened. Elias would show up, make his rounds, eat some good food, have a couple of drinks, and call it a night. Most of the team and their significant others would be at these parties, so Elias often had someone to keep him company.

This one party, though, seemed to be the exact opposite of what he was used to. None of his go-to conversationalists were in attendance, and worse, Brock seemed to treat this party as a rave. The music was too loud, the drinks were warm, and the food was atrocious.

All Elias wanted was to enjoy himself for an hour or two and then go home, but the party just sucked, and he couldn't find Brock in order to say goodbye.

Just when Elias thinks he's found his blonde friend, his entire world stops when he sees the back of your head. He's captivated by the way you're wearing your hair and just how it seems to complement the color of your outfit and the curves of your body. It's captivating, magical, and world-stopping.

It's as if there's a spotlight on you.

Like a genius, Elias just stands there, wondering how he got so lucky for an angel to fall from heaven right in front of him (he probably can't use that line on you, right?).

His heart is beating erratically. Was he having a heart attack? Was he going into cardiac arrest? Was he having a stroke? Was this a seizure? All Elias knew was that he should be checked into the Mayo Clinic for how fast his heart was beating. This couldn't be normal, could it?

In an attempt to assuage the erratic beating in his chest, Elias looks down at the ground and rubs his hand over his chest. That seems to slow down his heartbeat enough that he looks back at you, and suddenly, his heart starts acting up again.

Maybe he should just walk up to you and talk to you. What's the worse that could happen, right?

Slowly, Elias makes his way toward you. He's overthinking absolutely everything. What happens if you don't like him? What if he can't get any words out? Would you shame him for the reaction you're giving him?

His stomach drops when he sees Brock walk up to you and give you a friendly hug (note: friendly). Elias was suddenly seeing green. Of course, Brock managed to do what he wanted to do. Would you even notice him when Brock was right there?

For some reason, Elias doesn't stop walking, and within seconds, he's standing right next to his best friend.

The glistening smile that you send Elias shocks him to his core. How is it possible that you were so beautiful and friends with Brock? Neither of them was worthy to be in your presence, yet you were talking to Brock as if you two were old friends.

"Petey!" a drunk Brock yells, pulling his friend into an embrace.

"Petey?" you repeat, a questioning tone in your voice. "Is that a nickname?"

Elias has gone mute. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. All the neurons in his system have no more electrical signals, and his cerebrum is no longer working. Despite Elias' lack of response, you don't seem deterred. You continue smiling brightly and give him a reassuring look.

"This is Elias," Brock fills in, right before repeating your name for Elias. "A teammate."

"Ah, a hockey player."

Elias hopes his job isn't a problem. If it is a problem, Elias will quit hockey and get a corporate, nine-to-five job. At this point, he would do absolutely anything for you.

"Yeah," Brock replies, too drunk to say anything else, really "Anyway, I have to go greet some more guests, but you two talk and get to know each other. Elias, make sure you actually talk."

Elias can't help but roll his eyes at that, but his face still goes crimson red. He spares you a small glance, and he knows you've noticed his demeanor. Great, that must be what turns you off from him.

It appears it doesn't, though. You send him an amusing smile and take a sip of your drink.

"Hi," you say, a cheeky smile adorning your face.

"Hi" is all Elias manages to get out. He doesn't say anything else, but you can tell he wants to, so you take his hand in yours and lead Elias to some empty chairs towards the far end of Brock's backyard. Maybe some space from the rest of the crowd will help Elias open up to you.

The moment you take Elias' hand in yours, he knows he'll follow you to the ends of the earth.

Maybe he actually would be able to if he got over his nerves and talked to you.

. . .

Despite your first meeting going disastrously, you still seemed to try to want to know Elias, much to his surprise.

It was another one of Brock’s parties, but it was much smaller and only for his teammates and their families and a few close friends. The majority of the guests were seated on lawn chairs around Brock’s outdoor firepit. You were helping a few of the children make their way out to their parents when you notice that there was an empty seat next to Elias. Hoping that this might be the chance where Elias will open up to you, you walk over to him and the seat.

“Is this seat taken?” you ask.

“No,” he shakes his head. Even in the dim light of the fire, you can see the blush overcoming his face.

The smile that overcomes your face when you hear his voice is indescribable. His accent was cute, and it was decided right then and there that his voice would be the one you compare everyone’s voices to.

“Thanks,” you murmur, taking the seat. “How are you tonight?”

“Fine,” he grunts out. Confused by his tone, you turn to Elias. At that exact moment, Brock opts to turn on the backlights, so the entire backyard is illuminated in light. That’s when you see how red Elias’ face is. You’re sure that if you lean your head close to his, more warmth would emit from his face than the fire just a few feet in front of you.

“I’m doing well; thanks for asking,” you tease, nudging him with your elbow playfully.

“Shit,” he murmurs under his breath, and the warmth that exudes his body is enough to overheat your body. “How do you know Brock?”

He asks as if he doesn’t know exactly how you two know each other, as if he didn’t interrogate his friend the day after meeting you, as if he didn’t already stalk your Instagram four(ty) times.

“We grew up together,” you begin. “I moved out here last year for work, and Brock’s been trying to help me make new friends.”

Elias nods and doesn’t say anything. He can’t look at you. If he looks at you, you’ll likely be able to see just how much he wants to hold you. You’ll be able to see the longing in his eyes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Elias sees you give him a small smile before turning your head to face out toward the fire and everyone else. You have a content smile on your face; it’s as if you know. It’s as if you know that his lack of communication and terse replies aren't because he doesn’t like you but because you drive him insane, crazy, mad. He’s unable to adhere to appropriate societal norms around you, but with that smile, it’s as if you know that it’s not because of you but because of him. He wants to get out of his head and talk your ear off, but you just sitting there is enough to short-wire every part of his body.

You make him so, so incredibly nervous.

Leaning over, you whisper in his ear, “if you’re up to it, I’d love to be your friend.”

Elias turns his head towards you, slightly, and gives you a soft smile. “Yeah.”

“We’ll go on your terms,” you continue, briefly kissing his cheek before resting back in your chair.

His terms? It was going to be a long fucking ride then.

. . .

Elias finally managed to ask you out at brunch one afternoon. One of the boys was trying to implement a once-weekly brunch with a small group of people, and because they know how you make Elias feel, they included you in the list. While the invitation was to help out Elias, it was also to get more teasing and blackmail info on Elias.

You were seated right next to Elias as it was the only empty seat left by the time you got there (the other empty seat had everyone’s jackets). The minute you sat down, Elias’s body went warm from the feeling of your body wedged up against him. It was a tight restaurant, and it took everything in Elias not to spasm from the contact.

Once everyone has placed their orders and the small pleasantries amongst everyone have passed, smaller conversations overtake the table, and you and Elias are the only two sitting there not engaged in conversation. You can’t help but wonder if that was purposeful.

After taking more than acceptable sips of your drink in order to ease the awkwardness, you figure you’ll make the first move.

“How’ve you been?” you ask, nudging Elias in the arm with your elbow. At the immediate contact with your elbow, Elias’s entire body stiffens. Despite knowing that it’s not because of you necessarily, it still hurt a little bit. You quickly make yourself as compact as possible with no parts of your body touching Elias. You’re staring down at your lap, so you don’t see Elias’ slight frown.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur.

“Nothing to apologize for,” he replies, his hand itching to touch yours.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” His pinky finger slightly prods your thigh, and you can’t help the smile that overcomes your face. “I’ve been good, by the way.”

“Good,” you continue, your brain is the one to short-circuit this time from his touch. “I’ve been good, too.”

“Glad to hear,” Elias answers. You can hear the smile on his face, so you look up, and you’re met with his piercing blue eyes. That’s enough to send shooting heat through your body.

Blinking rapidly, you whip your head away from his face from how overwhelming his eyes are. You take a sip of your ice water, but to no one’s surprise, it’s not enough to calm the heat radiating through your body.

Elias nudges you. “Hey.”

“Hi,” you say, leaning into his warmth. What was this guy doing to you?

“Do you want to go out with me?” he asks, leaning down, a nervous look on his face.

You can’t help the wide smile that overcomes your face. “It’s about time you asked.”

“So, yes?”

“Yeah,” you murmur, intertwining your hand in his.

. . .

It’d been six weeks since your first date with Elias, but he still seemed tense whenever you were around.

Currently, you were sitting on his couch as he’s invited you over for a movie night. What you thought would be cuddling into Elias’s side, underneath a blanket, with Elias’ warmth surrounding you ended up being you and Elias sitting at opposite ends of his very expensive couch. Every time you shifted closer to him, he’d make an excuse to get up so that he could get as far from you as possible.

Most of the dates that you and Elias have gone on have gone well. He was still relatively tense and stiff, but you felt that you were making progress with him. This current situation, however, is proving how wrong you were.

“Is there anything I can get for you?” Elias asks at the end of the first movie.

“Just some more water?” you request, softly. What you really want is the witty and sarcastic but compassionate Elias that you’ve been getting to know these past few weeks.

“Sure,” he answers, sending you a soft smile.

When he returns with your water, he places it on the coffee table, right in front of you, and sits in his spot on the other side of the couch. You sigh.

“Is everything okay?” he questions, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Yeah, but you know you’re allowed to sit next to me, right?”

“I am?” he asks, confused.

You can’t help but laugh. “Of course, you’re allowed to sit next to me. I mean, this is a date, right?”

“Right,” Elias confirms, nodding his head briefly. “I’m sorry; I’m not very good at this.”

“At what?”

“Dating. Having someone as pretty as you be interested in me, and you make me really fucking nervous,” Elias explains. “My entire body lights on fire, and it’s like every muscle in my body is stiff.”

“Yeah, I figured that, ‘Lias,” you say through a snort.

A small smile overcomes his face at the small nickname you’ve given him. No one really calls him that, and now, he really wants you to constantly call him that, so long as he hasn’t messed things up with you.

“What do you mean?”

“Every time I go near you, you grow like another inch from how far you’ve straightened and tensed up,” you tell him. “Your face goes as red as a tomato. It’s kind of obvious, babe.”

“Babe.”

A comical smirk overcomes your features. “Babe. Do you like that?”

He nods, almost like a robot. “Very much.”

“Then, will you let me sit next to you?”

His nod is slight, but you see it, so as happy as a five-year-old on their birthday, you go to Elias’ side and let yourself feel his warmth along the side of your body.

“Well, that’s not quite close enough,” Elias murmurs. Before you’re able to ask for clarification, Elias hooks one arm underneath your thighs and another behind your back before he’s lifting you onto his lap. He adjusts himself so that you can rest comfortably on his lap. “Is this okay?”

“More than okay,” you whisper, your voice tickling his throat from where you’re resting along his chest.

“I thought maybe I was being too forward.”

You shake your head. “Don’t worry. I liked it. You know, you really confuse me.”

“How?”

“One moment you’re all ice-cold and tense, and the next you’re pulling me into your lap and holding me as if your life depends on it.”

“Well, maybe it does,” Elias remarks, tightening his hold on you. “I’m not good at this, but I really like you, so will you let me figure out how to do this?”

You nod, giving Elias a small kiss on the pulse point of his neck. “I’m not giving up on you, ‘Lias, because I really like you.”

With a blissful smile on his face and cheeks as red as wine, he leans his head against the wall behind his couch and closes his eyes. “I’m not giving up on you, either.”

And with that, Elias’ cold exterior was ripped open, and he let you in, and it was the best feeling possible.

. . .

There was no pronouncement of you and Elias officially calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend. It just fell into place. It was a seamless transition, and there was nothing you were more sure about.

As the holidays crept closer and closer, you began to decorate your apartment with little holiday and winter decorations. By the time your place was all decked out, you decided to start decorating Elias’ apartment. He was such a guy, and the only decorations he had were the ones his mother bought and placed for him or the two picture frames you gave him of the two of you for his birthday.

When you asked him about holiday decorations, he just shrugged and mentioned he didn’t have any, so you planned an excursion.

On one of his days off, you took (more like dragged) Elias to Vancouver’s iconic Christmas market. It was cold, really cold; especially with it being on the water, the wind was bitter. Your hands were cold even with gloves on, and your ears were red despite wearing a hat.

“Is your head not cold?” you ask Elias as you’re both standing in line to look at one of the artisan’s booths. You couldn’t help but notice that his hat wasn’t sitting on his head very well.

“I guess a little bit,” he mentions. “Why’d you ask?”

“Your hat doesn’t look all that warm,” you point out.

“It works.”

“I don’t think so. Bend down?”

Without a second of hesitation, Elias bends his neck so that his head is at a better angle for you. Delicately, you reach your hands up and pull the hat further down his head; it’s covering his ears and lower head much more now.

“I think this will feel better,” you say once you’ve finished. You lean into his side and bring your gloved hands up to your mouth to blow warm air on them. As you’re focusing on warming up your hands, you don’t notice Elias meticulously watching you. He wants to make a move to warm you up, but then it’s your turn to look at the goods that he waits until afterward.

Roughly twenty minutes later, you’re placing your wallet back into your purse, and Elias is getting a solid grip on the bag of the mini-winter village you just purchased. Part of it would go in Elias’ apartment, and the other half would sit in yours. He grumbled the entire time you were picking out the people and buildings, but as he always does and always will, he relented when you gave him a smile and a small, pleading “please, ‘Lias?”

“Hot chocolate, now?” you ask after a few minutes of walking when none of the other shops interest you.

“Yeah,” Elias replies. What he does next surprises you.

He takes your right hand (as he’s on your right) and intertwines his fingers with yours. He then proceeds to place your intertwined hands into his pocket. The gesture makes you flustered and silly. No one’s ever done something like that to you before, and despite being in public, the intimate act is enough to send your internal fires blazing. Who knew this man could be so romantic?

“Is this okay?” Elias asks once you’re both in line for hot chocolate. As he made the move moments prior, Elias’ heart was racing through his skin. While he felt extremely comfortable with you, his heart would still constantly race. He didn’t know if one wrong move would ruin everything. Because the relationship was still relatively new, he didn’t want to do anything that could jeopardize it because, ultimately, Elias couldn’t lose you. Losing you would be quite literally the end of his world.

“More than okay,” you whisper, leaning into his side.

Those three words weren’t the “big” three words, but to him, it was the equivalent. Elias loved you, and when he got the courage to tell you, he would. But for now, he’ll sit in the comfort that he found someone who he loved more than anyone and anything. He finally understands what it means to love someone to the moon and back.

. . .

There was a beating in his ears; it sounded like drums. It was a freaking rock concert, that was how fast his heart was beating. He thought he knew what being nervous was, but nothing comes close to the nerves he was feeling right now.

What if you said no? What if he was reading the signals wrong? What if the hints he thought you were dropping weren’t really hints? What if you weren’t ready for what he was ready for? The nerves were leaving his inhibitions exposed. What if—

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears you step out of your shared bedroom. You were stunning, as per usual, but you were gorgeous tonight. Maybe it was the love and emotion he was feeling that illuminated you further tonight.

Tonight, everything would change. It would be one of the best nights of his life or his biggest heartbreak.

“Ready to go?” you ask as you slip on your jacket and adjust your heels. “You look really nice.”

“Thank you,” he replies, his smile terse. You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion at his tone but chalk it up to him being his usual, normal self. Despite being together for almost three years, Elias still had his bouts of terse-ness and acting up-tight with you. You didn’t mind; it was cute and endearing and it only made you love him more. “You look beautiful.”

In response, you smile and kiss his cheek. You lace your fingers in his and pull him, gently, out of your apartment and towards his car.

You don’t notice him frantically patting the right side of his sports coat, in confirmation that he had something.

By the time you and Elias reached the restaurant, Elias was a ball of nerves. His armpits were sweating, and thank goodness he was wearing gloves because his palms were so incredibly sweaty. With one look at you, though, Elias knew that everything would make sense. Everything would work out the way it was supposed to. Either way, he would manage.

There was a relatively small crowd outside the restaurant with an even bigger crowd inside in the waiting area. Restaurants on Cambie, always busy.

“I’ll go in first and confirm our reservation,” Elias tells you. “I’ll call you if they’re ready to seat us right away.”

“Okay,” you murmur, shoving your gloved hands deep into your pockets as a bitterly cold wind sweeps past you. Elias gives your forehead a small kiss and makes his way inside. When he feels how warm it is, he instantly wishes you were there, too; he could tell that you were cold.

“I’m sorry; we can’t seat you right now,” the hostess tells Elias when he gives his name and shows them the confirmation email.

“Even though I have a reservation?” Elias asks, his entire body throbbing with stress and nerves.

“We’re extra booked. Maybe you can reschedule? We’ll comp half your meal; I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“It’s fine,” Elias mumbles and heads out to find you. When he sees you, Elias can’t help but feel like the night is ruined.

“Do we have to wait long?” you ask, a smile on your face despite how cold you were.

“They’re extra booked and can’t give us a table,” Elias explains. “They’re not going to be able to seat us tonight.”

“Oh,” you answer, your voice slightly faltering. “We can always have a date night at home.”

“Yeah,” Elias mumbles. His plan was all but ruined now. He pulls you into his chest. “Come here.”

Instead of wrapping your arms around his body, you bunch your arms on his chest as Elias takes the open parts of the jacket and wraps them around you.

“Ouch!” you say, reeling back a little bit. “Why do you have this hard thing on your stomach? Did you get hurt?”

He’s confused for a moment, but then he realizes what it is.

The ring box.

“Oh, it’s fine; don’t worry about it,” he quickly rushes out. He wasn’t going to ruin this for you, too (not that the restaurant thing was his fault). This part of the plan still had to work.

“No, no, it could be serious! What if it’s like a hernia or an edema or like a growth?” You immediately begin patting around his clothed abdomen and try to figure out what the issue was. “‘Lias, I’m not going to let you pretend you don’t possibly have a serious injury so that you can still play hockey.”

“It’s not an injury,” Elias barely gets out because just as he tries to convince you he’s fine, you’re pulling the velvet box out of his pocket.

“Oh,” you say, your voice shaky with shock and confusion.

“Open it,” Elias requests, and you do. You open it, and a ring is sitting inside; a ring that is exactly like the one you’ve always imagined having.

“‘Lias.”

“I was going to propose inside the restaurant, but clearly, that’s not happening, so no time like the present, right?” Elias takes the box out of your hand and gets down on one knee. The conversations around you two stop as everyone stares and contains their excitement.

“Everyone says to marry the person who feels like your closest friend, and while you’re that, that’s not why I want to marry you. I want to marry you because I love you. I want to marry you because there’s the whole part of me that went undiscovered until I met you. I want to marry you because you make me out of control. Every emotion I’ve ever had has been taken through the ceiling since I met you, and I never want to experience what life could be like without you in it, so I’m asking you, will you marry me?”

Nerves course through his body as he waits for your answer.

One moment you’re standing there, your eyes wide, and Elias is looking directly into your soul, and the next moment, you’re jumping into his arms, screaming with delight, and just like that, the final puzzle piece in his life made sense.

“I take it as a yes?”

“Yes, yes, yes, a million times yes!”

A wide smile overtakes his face; he stands up, holding you tightly, and you wrap your arms tighter around his body. You nuzzle your face into his neck as the crowd around you two erupt in cheers.

It all fell together and made sense. Finally.

. . .

He wasn’t sure why he was so scared to ask you this. Like, he already asked you the hard question. He already asked you to marry him, so asking you what question you wanted your first dance song to be shouldn’t be freaking him out.

Planning the wedding was fun; it was exciting. He loved doing every part of it from the venue to the flowers to designing the invitations. The first dance, though. That was one of the most intimate parts of the day, and Elias wanted it to be perfect. Naturally, Elias was nervous.

Then again, everything to do with you made him nervous.

“Hey,” Elias says one night, nudging you softly.

“Hi,” you say, not quite looking up from your phone.

“What were you thinking about our first dance song being?” he asks, nerves shaking his body. He starts rambling immediately. “We can go cliche with Vanessa Carlton or Ed Sheeran or Dan and Shay or we could go completely unique and do Bach or Tchaikovsky or—”

“How about Forever to Go by Chase Rich?” you suggest, your face breaking out in a wide smile.

“I’ve never heard it before; can we listen to it?”

You immediately squeal in excitement and pull the song up on your phone and play it. Even though he’s never heard the song before, Elias knows that it’ll be the first song dance because you requested it.

He’d do anything you asked.

The first opening notes began to play, and Elias can’t help but feel like it was perfect for the two of you. It started like your and Elias’ love story, and he could picture you and him dancing to that song.

It was perfect. “That one.”

In line with the song, he loves you more than yesterday, and he can’t wait to grow in love with you.

. . .

When the final person in your bridal party walked down the aisle, Elias’ eyes went to the ground. This was what you and Elias were calling your hybrid-first look.

You were going to do a first look, but you ended up arriving at the venue late because of traffic, so in order to stick to the time schedule, you and Elias decided to forgo the first look. Instead, Elias said that he’ll keep his head down until you were situated at the base of the aisle. When you were ready, you’d nod at the minister, and they’d gesture for Elias to look up. There it is—the first look.

While his head was only down for a few seconds, it felt like forever. Truly, all today was about was a big party and signing papers. Elias wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, and frankly, for him, his forever with you started years ago. He didn’t need the government to recognize it, but you wanted all of that, so Elias went through with it.

Also, refusing to get the government involved seemed like the best option considering how nervous he got just falling asleep next to you.

That’s to say, he was nervous. He was freaking out, and his breaths were short. He was so. Hot. Like, ridiculously hot. What if his hands were too sweaty and he couldn’t slip the ring onto your finger? What if his hands were too sweaty and the ring you slipped onto his finger fell off? What if he couldn’t read his vows because the sweat on his hands made the inky smudge? Was he smelly? What if the sweat from his feet makes him fall down when you’re walking down at the end?

Thankfully, his thoughts were abruptly stopped when the minister taps Elias on the shoulder. With a deep breath, he looks up, and he sees you standing at the start of the aisle with a smile on your face. You’re looking directly at him, and he can see that you’re nervous, too.

Good, because he’s so nervous.

When the Wedding March begins to play, you and the person you asked to walk you down the aisle begin to walk.

You look so stunning in your dress. It fit you so well, and it looked like you; you looked comfortable and relaxed despite how nervous he knew you were.

How in the world did he get so lucky to have you in his life?

Once you reach Elias and the minister, you give your escort a hug before making your way to Elias. He takes two strides toward you and pulls you in for a tight hug.

“I’m so nervous,” you whisper, “and I have no idea why.”

“Same, you have no idea how sweaty I am”

“We’ll just be sweaty messes together; how about that?”

Elias snorts. “Yeah, that’s good. That sounds good.”

It was forever with you; it always was going to be forever with you.

. . .

It was another one of Brock’s parties, not like the one where you and Elias first met. It was a more mellow party. Everyone was sitting on lawn chairs or picnic blankets and having soft conversations with each other.

You and Elias are sitting on separate lawn chairs, but the chairs are as close as possible to each other. Elias’ arm is hanging over the armrests with his hand in your lap, intertwined with you.

It was always a joke amongst the teammates and friends that you and Elias were inseparable. He was always by your side, and if you had to go somewhere on your own (say, the washroom), he’d be pouty until you returned. He was pretty mellow and unbearable on road trips because you weren’t there.

It’s been three years since you and Elias got married, and it’s been six years since that first party where you met Elias.

He measures his life before you and after you. Before he met you, Elias was living his life and going through the motion, and sure, he enjoyed life, but he wasn’t really living life. His life truly began when he met you and got to start living his life with you and being by your side.

That’s when his life truly began.

You were when his life truly began.

#elias pettersson #claudia writes #elias pettersson x reader #elias pettersson fic #elias pettersson imagines #hockey fic #hockey writing #nhl fic #nhl writing #hockey #op: 2023

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sunshinechay · 1 year ago

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If we keep with the Pride and Prejudice parallels, this episode really cemented for that Put is the closest thing we’re going to get to Mr Wickham. I’m not here to say he’s as awful as Wickham or an irredeemable a-hole or anything like that. Ultimately, Put is a much more sympathetic character…at least so far and I’m hoping it stays that way as I really don’t think the show needs that kind of angsts and drama when it has enough already.

What I mean by this is that, in the original Pride and Prejudice, Darcy and Wickham served partly as parallels and partly as foils. They are both men with similar backgrounds that come from respectable families (Wickham’s family wasn’t gentry but it is still made obvious that Mr Wickham senior was a good man who worked well and honourably, much like Mr Darcy senior). However, they went on wildly different paths due to their very different personalities.

Darcy is awkward and quiet but underneath that is a man who treats his people well, is honourable about all things and above all, learns from what Lizzie has to tell him. While Wickham is charming and friendly, he is ultimately a man who is completely out for himself with very little regard for anyone who might be hurt or suffer in the pursuit of him getting what he wants.

Most importantly, both feed into the narrative that being prejudice for or against someone can be very bad. Again, Wickham is presented as charming and friendly, someone Lizzie gets on well with almost immediately, while Darcy is almost the exact opposite. He and Lizze butt heads almost immediately due to their differences in lived experience and world view. Wickham’s charm hide his insidious nature, while Darcy’s awkwardness hinders his ability to relate to other people and often renders him as that guy at a party that others tolerate because he is rich and they don’t want to be on the outs with the rich guy.

How does all this connect to Step by Step…well, Jeng and Put basically are these two archetypes. Jeng is that awkward guy that people tolerate because he’s rich (the son of the company president, the one you don’t want to piss off if you want to have success) who is ultimately a good person, who wants to continue learning how to be a better person while Put is the charming and friendly guy that everyone loves but isn’t all that he appears to be.

To reiterate, I’m not saying Put is a bad person, or a bad character. He is a much better person than Wickham, that much has already been shown. He genuinely cares about Pat, but ultimately he is not going to win the battle for Pat’s heart, because while he loves Pat and wants to be with him, he doesn’t want to be with Pat at the same time. He wants Pat, but he wants the idealized version of Pat that he spend the years since their breakup pining over. But that isn’t the Pat that exists today. I find it very interesting that much of flashbacks we’ve seen of their relationship, have been on Put’s end. They’ve been obviously rose tinted from the beginning and present a version of Put to the audience that looks like he is just a guy who loves Pat and wants to get back with him and who is sorry for what he has done in the past to cause their break up (you know, the part where he ghosted Pat).

One only needs to look at his initial interacts with Pat after Pat comes back to Thailand and they meet again. He is so focused on Pat and their past that he can’t seem to see that he is making Pat uncomfortable. Or at least, if he does notice, he doesn’t care. He shows up at Pat’s apartment, possibly drunk and proceeds to ask questions that are definitely not his business (asking who Pat got a ride home with and seems upset that Pat would accept a ride from another man). He ignores Pat’s feelings at almost every possible turn until Pat has to almost yell at him to stop because it’s making him uncomfortable and he’s trying to do his job…and then once again asks him on a date.

This episode just kind of made it all worse. Even if we didn’t have the scene with Jeng to parallel, his reaction to Pat making him dinner is lacklustre to say the least. He almost completely ignores Pat for most of the evening, too concerned with his job (I’m not saying his being concerned about his job is a bad thing, it’s not). I get the feeling that his being so concerned with his job was a major issue in their relationship in past. One that Pat never had the confidence to bring up, and probably still doesn’t. Pat seems like he has just accepted that this comes with a relationship with Put. He is always going to have to put his job before Pat.

The longer time goes on, the less likeable he becomes. He clearly cares for Pat and isn’t a bad person, but it’s becoming more and more obvious that he also clearly hasn’t thought about all of the ways their relationship likely wasn’t working before. Pat’s first impression of him before ended up not working out for him. His first impression this time seems to be working out even worse. Has Put changed? Yes. Has he changed for the better? I’m not so sure about that.

This is all made even more interesting when I think about it in the context of the broader message the show is trying to make about the BL industry as a whole. So often, actors have to act a certain way in public. They have to be a nice, more charismatic, open and personable version of themselves. They have to hide their flaws and only showcase the good things about them. Any time Put is shown to be around people who are not in his private life, Put acts exactly like that. He is more friendly, more open, more charming, more everything. In private, it is not like he isn’t still those things, but he has also been shown to be selfish, manipulative, smug and even uncaring (or at the very least, unobservate about the feelings of others, especially Pat). None of these traits make him a bad person, not even all of them together. But they do make for a person who is very different from the way he acts on a stage, so to speak. It also speaks to his emotionally immaturity. Self admittedly Put broke up with Pat because he needed to come to terms with a lot of things about who he was as it related to job and how some part of him are incompatible with his chosen profession. The part I don’t think he spent nearly as much on, is the emotional maturity required order to have the kind of relationship that Pat wanted to have with him.

One of this shows central thesis’s seems to be (to me at least) that the way a person presents themselves in public is not the full story, especially for a BL actor (I mean, most of them are straight guys who are being paid to pretend to be with their screen partner, both on and off screen in some cases). In Pride and Prejudice, besides Darcy, Wickham is the most obvious example of this. His first impression is fantastic and his initial relationship with Lizzie one of ease and that of two people of a similar mind getting to know each other, even if Lizzie never truly considers him a suitor. As the novel goes on, this impression gets worse and worse until it is ruined beyond repair, when Wickham convinces Lydia to run away with him. The same looks like it’s happening with Put. While his initial impression to the audience isn’t a great one, through the tiny POVs we get from him, we see that he is not a bad person. He is sad and heart broken and utterly aware that he has no one but himself to blame for feeling that way. He is overall, a sympathetic character that the audience can root for, as any good second lead love interest should be. As time as gone on, we are seeing more and more of the unflattering character traits that he has. We are seeing more and more the reasons why him and Pat wouldn’t have worked in the long run, even if they hadn’t broken up before.

In fairness to Put though, the show clearly doesn’t want anyone to be overly invested in his relationship with Pat, since it tells us from the get go (the pilot trailer) that this show is, at it’s core, the love story of Pat and Jeng. One can only hope they don’t have Put completely crash and burn and become utterly irredeemable like Wickham is by the end of Pride and Prejudice. If they did that, I definitely feel like it would be a disservice to both the character and the message the show is trying to send.

#step by step #step by step the series #put sbs #put step by step #pat sbs #pat step by step #putpat #i want to reintegrate again that i don’t hate put’s character #quite the opposite #the character himself is interest #especially as it relates to the message the show is trying to send about the bl industry #it’s just his relationship with pat #it’s not a good one #plus the panda parallels are getting to me #put is wickham #or at least the closest we’ll get to a version of him #i can’t get it out of my head #this post isn’t meant to attack him or anyone who likes him #just to be clear #this is just something that i noticed #and i can’t unnotice it #this is a long post #and i’m not sure if really makes sense #this post is once again brought to you by the version of me that exists at 3am #what do you guys think?#cap watches step by step #cap speaks

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citrineghost · 3 years ago

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Warnings for autism and ADHD related ableism discussion

I think there's something really interesting about the different traumas acquired by being autistic or having ADHD in a shitty ableist society.

The two disorders have a significant amount of overlap. Of course they're not the same and each comes with its own challenges that the other may not have but, when compared with other disorders/neurodivergencies, for all intents and purposes they are very similar.

However, society's perception of them is almost the exact opposite, which gives people who have one or the other wildly different kinds of disabled trauma.

Society at large likes to think they know a great deal about each of these disorders, but really knows almost nothing. What it comes down to is this:

Society believes and treats autistic people as if their entire personality, capability levels, and potential to succeed as a human is hinged to their autism, and they don't have a confident outlook on that, so they treat autistic people as if they can't do anything or are stupid. Autistic people have to continuously fight to be seen as something other than their autism (or in addition to it, of course, because I don't mean to say they're trying to escape their autism)

And on the flip side, society believes that ADHD is a myth, an excuse, a made up word for children that won't behave or are undisciplined, or a childhood disorder that 'goes away.' People consistently underestimate the symptoms/traits of ADHD, aren't aware of them, or don't believe them. People with ADHD are constantly told that these symptoms/traits are their own shortcomings rather than part of their ADHD. ADHD people have to continuously fight to be seen as having the disorder that massively affects their lives.

Because of these nearly opposite societal takes on each of these disorders, despite their similarities, autistic people and ADHD people end up, largely, being traumatized in opposite ways.

On the one hand there are autistic people who have any failure blamed on their "inherent inadequacy" due to their autism, taking away their sense of ownership, control, and agency of regular, human mistakes or failures they've experienced. And on the other, you've got people with adhd who have failures that are actually caused by symptoms of their disorder being told that they simply didn't try hard enough or that they clearly don't care or it wouldn't have happened.

(also to clarify, I don't mean to say that autistic people don't also have failures or mistakes caused by symptoms and that ADHD people have some that aren't, just that no matter what caused it, this seems to be the societal response)

In the end, you get commonalities in both groups that are directly caused by these societal traumas. Actually, there are two extremes that happen in both groups for the exact opposite reasons, and, often, these extremes coexist/alternate depending on the company.

The first extreme is refusing to unmask and making yourself very serious. For autistic people this seems to also come frequently with a kind of shyness because they're afraid if they say something that's "wrong" or that shows they missed subtext, they'll give ammunition to those who infantilize them. For those with ADHD this extreme comes with constantly overworking themselves, killing themselves with stress, and minimizing every struggle because they're terrified that if they relax for one second, or validate that something was difficult because of their ADHD, the people who called them lazy are right and they're just making excuses for their shortcomings. They seek desperately to prove to themselves and others that they do try.

The other extreme is leaning heavily into the stereotypes and abusive accusations they've faced their whole lives. For autistic people, this can mean taking on learned helplessness and refusing to try new things because they believe they really can't do it by themselves, ending up with less agency because they rely on help they don't really need but are too scared to forego. For those with ADHD, it can mean developing class clown syndrome and completely giving up on trying because no matter how hard they try, they can never get a result that satisfies society when they're constantly fighting symptoms that hinder their success. Both of these are self fulfilling prophecies that end up pushing them into the hole they felt it was impossible to avoid.

People with both disorders get to flip a coin on which trauma they get more of. Regardless of which one led to more trauma, the results end up looking the same - they're likely to fit into one of the two extremes.

Anyway, I don't really have a solid point to all of this - it's just some observations I've made on how the trauma inflicted on both of these groups is wildly different and yet often yields the same results for opposite reasons.

If anyone has anything to add, I really would love to hear!

#disability #actually disabled #nd #neurodivergent #autism #asd #actually autistic #actuallyautism #adhd #actually adhd #actually add #trauma #ableism #ghostpost #adhdghost

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dextixer · 2 years ago

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RWBY is not hopepunk though it had the potential to be

WARNING - A really long post.

Over the past 2 or so years i have noticed more and more people refer to RWBY as a part of a genre called "Hopepunk" (HP after this). Its a relatively new genre that has emerged as an opposite to the "Grimdark" genre of writing. Besides calling RWBY HP i have seen some claims that THIS is the reason why many critics do not enjoy RWBY as much as they could. I have also seen claims that because RWBY is HP, it does not follow the usual tropes of a lot of media and instead goes its own way.

This has caused me to gain some interest in the subject and research it in the hopes of seeing if the claims are true. This thread is the result of that research and the opinions that i have come to.

Hopepunk

Before continuing on we first have to understand what HP is. It has been generally described as a genre of writing in which fighting for positive change is encouraged no matter how hard it is, and even if it fails. A genre in which society itself rises up to change an unjust current system. It is about challenging the status quo.

Whereas Grimdark focuses on how hope fails and how no matter how you try, you will most likely be beaten back. Hopepunk focuses on how hope can succeed and should never be lost through hardship.

It is very much a genre of "resistance" and "change". And it has arisen in response to our current world. In which the fight for positive change can sometimes feel hopeless and yet people will still try.

It is also fair to say that due to being a relatively new creation hopepunk is still kind of in its infancy, it still is a little bit vague as a concept and encompases many different aspects into itself.

RWBY is not hopepunk

And if i am being completely honest? RWBY is not hopepunk. At least, for the most part. For almost the entirety of the series the protagonists of the show are doing the exact opposite of trying to fix broken systems or enact change. It is best exemplified by how they are fighting against the White Fang, seemingly the only force fighting against racism in the world of Remnant. It would not be so bad if the protagonists had an alternative, but they didnt. They just defended the status quo because the way the WF went about things was "wrong".

One could argue that in Volumes 4-5 Menagerie, Blake was trying to uplift her community to enact change. But that is not what happened, Blake shames her community into once again fighting the White Fang. And that is it. There is nothing more after that. All the work after that is left to her father and Ilia. And that is something that stopped existing at the start of V6.

In fact the whole faunus subplot is an example of how RWBY is not hopepunk. There are no systems of abuse being shown. Even when they are told, for example the SDC, the show goes out of its way to then remove it all. Is Adams scar example of systematic abuse? No, he got in a fight. Are faunus treated like slaves? No, they are paid equally to humans in the same jobs.

So the result of that is the world itself not even having a proper "enemy" or a system to fight against. And then team RWBY is left to fight only FOR the status quo.

Let us ask ourselves. What systems are our protagonists fighting against? What injustices? They are fighting against inhuman monsters and their dark godess. Its your very standard fantasy. Even during Volumes 7-8 where the systems of classism could be fought against our protagonists are instead not even involved with Mantle that much. They work with Ironwood. Does Weiss get to change her company? Does Blake get a role as a partner to Robyn in a fight against injustice? Does Robyn even get scenes where she organizes the community, gives them resources or anything of the sort as Robin Hood of stories does?

No, there is nothing.

There are no systems that are fought against. Our protagonists for the most part enforce the status quo and arguably have only 1 rebelion in the shape of getting away from Ironwood. But even that is not about systems as much as it is fighting against an (at that point) evil and insane madman.

It reminds me of how people praise Harry Potter for also being hopepunk.

Just like RWBY, Harry Potter has the window dressing of hopepunk. At the end of Harry Potter no systems are challenged, the protagonist becomes a police officer, nothing truly changes in the world besides the big bad and his evil followers losing.

And even then at least Harry Potter actually gave systemic problems in its world. RWBY has not even managed that.

And if i sound/feel angry, its because i am...

RWBY could have been hopepunk

And its because RWBY COULD have been hopepunk and went out of its way to blaze ahead in this new genre of writing.

After all, the main bad guy of the show cannot even be defeated in regular ways. "There is no victory in strength". It is the unification of humanity that is required for her to finally possibly be removed from the world.

This is a PERFECT set-up for a journey to fight against injustices in the kingdoms!

Fighting racism in all of the kingdoms! Fighting monarchists in Vacuo. Fighting against militarism and classism in Atlas. Fighting the nationalism of the kingdoms and uniting them together against all odds by adressing systemic problems of society!

The best we get in the show are hints of these things or them being cranked up to 11 and never adressed at their core, only beaten down.

I would PAY money to see Weiss take back the SDC and then financing and offering political support to Blake who recreates the White Fang in her own way in EVERY kingdom, fighting racism both through word and action. I would PAY for seeing Robyn unite with Blake and both going out and helping the people of Mantle, maybe even distributing food, organizing the construction of new buildings and the like. I would PAY to see Ren and Nora try to give help to the homeless and the abandoned due to their own experiences.

I would PAY to see Ruby and Yang organizing huntsmen to be less focused on the Grimm and more focused on being pillars of their communities, spreading out throughout new settlements and villages to not only protect them but also help them in other ways.

Remnant is a WORLD OF POSSIBILITY to create systemic problems that plague our world and then FIX them!

And instead NO problems are adressed as we have to fight the immortal Sauron rip-off that sits on her arse half the time doing nothing! Our protagonists do not organize communities, they barely engage with subplots that should by all rights be theirs. The systemic problems are beaten down through violence or just outright dissapear.

Critics love hopepunk

Many people see the critiques that many of us critics have an imagine us to be "conservative", to be against RWBY because it has female leads fighting against forces of darkness and characters like Ironwood. That we want everything to be "grimdark".

That could not be further from the truth.

Most of the prominant critique (that is not on youtube) of RWBY as a show comes from the left-wing perspective. RWBY as a show tries to be progressive, it tries to include positive messages and subplots that could facilitate those messages.

But at the end of the day those messages either fall apart of are never fully realized because the writers have writen themselves into corners.

It is writen not in a "progressive" way but more in a "liberal" way. RWBY is writen by accepting that progressive ideas are "good" but without any understanding of WHY progressive ideas are good and why people strive for them.

In many discord conversations amongst various critics we have constantly shared various Anime with the hopepunk premise. Of people building up fantasy kingdoms that have to tackle real world problems like we have, and doing so through the building up of a community.

And this is why RWBY frustrates us. Because it had the potential to be that, but instead chose to be just a fighting show with some messages that barely qualify as Hopepunk.

Ending word

I will apologize if my words seem heated but do not take them as anger, rather as passion. You see for a relatively long time now, maybe a year i have been interested in hopepunk stories (without actually knowing the term), especially cross-over fanfictions in which characters from one world go into another and fix problems there. I love it. I love because it feels good to read those kinds of stories, to know that darkness can be banished.

But in regards to RWBY all i see is the potential of what could have been, but never was. And it somewhat annoys me when people praise RWBY for being hopepunk and then say that THAT is the reason why we critics dont enjoy RWBY.

Believe me, if RWBY was hopepunk, i would love it more than anything else in the world. But it just is not. And most people who use that label do not seem to understand what it actually is. Hopepunk is not "just" about having hope against overwhelming odds, it is not about a "bright" world.

Hopepunk is about dark and twisted worlds, worlds that we the people can fight against collectivelly. It is a genre of rebellion, of change. And RWBY just is not that....

Do keep in mind that this is all my opinion and not stated as fact, especially since "Hopepunk" is an extremelly new genre (Officially coined in 2017 i believe?) as such many things, especially interpretations can be in the air.

But please, by all means, comment with agreements of disagreements if you like, i am not against discussion or being corrected on things.

#rwby #rwby discussion #rwby discourse #rwde #hopepunk

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heliosrisingheroesimagines · 3 years ago

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2. ♥ When they have a crush on someone, how do they let them know?

Brad Beams:

Brad viewed his feelings as an inconvenience but there’s no easy way to rid himself of them, even burying himself in work didn’t keep you off his mind. He contemplates for awhile about what the right approach would be as it wasn’t like he was in a good position to have a relationship, but the heart wanted what it wanted. He had never subscribed to such a belief before but then again he had never been plagued with romantic feelings before, and it was beginning to show him that logic could be thrown out the window when it came to pursuing emotional matters.

Dino Albani:

Dino is pretty straight-forward about his affections, not really seeing a point in holding back. He’s unabashedly found of you from the very start and his feelings are obvious without him having to say a word, but he does want to reassure there’s no mix-up on the extent of his feelings. He’s very much head over heels for you and he loved to spend time around you constantly, eyes glowing at the very mention of your name. He’d probably constantly ask you out on pizza dates when he wasn’t busy so you could get to know each other more.

Faith Beams:

Faith is at a loss. Normally he’s the one who gets approached first and he has a plethora of lines at his disposal to use on you yet he can’t find one that really fits the moment. For the first time in his life he finds himself tongue-tied and while frustrating, it was also a bit exciting. He liked that you weren’t the one chasing after him, that you were making him put in the legwork even if it was unintentional. It allowed him to gather his cards and play them at the exact moment he felt ready to, knowing he’d have to break up with a number of ladies if he expected any peace and happiness with you.

Keith Max:

Keith is a fan of the ‘keep my feelings inside until I die’ club and there’s not much that can make him budge on the concept. He hated that he had feelings for you and hated even more that he felt completely unworthy of your company, even if you were friends he didn’t know if he deserved to have those little parts of you. He didn’t voice these concerns because he enjoyed your company and he didn’t want to drive you away but it pained him having to hear you gush about any potential crushes while feeling like his own feelings might never be reciprocated (but he brought it upon himself).

Marion Blythe:

Marion went in the opposite direction of his feelings meaning he treated you like dirt whenever you were around because he had no idea how to handle these feelings. It annoyed him that you gave him this fluttery nervous feeling and he disliked feeling thrown off in your presence, thus he avoided you as much as possible. You still somehow plague his thoughts so it becomes clear to him that he won’t be able to avoid confronting you about this for long but he would try to put it off as long as possible.

Oscar Bale:

Oscar doesn’t recognize what he’s feeling for you at first, thinking that maybe he just had a deep admiration of you and your actions. When he becomes aware that it’s not something normal that everyone feels towards you he started to worry, especially when it distracted him while he was trying to train with the rookies. He doesn’t know how to work out his feelings nor does he really know how to bring it up to you, eventually settling on being as blunt as possible about the way he felt and hoping you could work out what he was getting out.

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tokoyamisstuff · 3 years ago

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Tender Ch. 2 - Loki x Mute! Reader

Summary: Winning the favour of the God of Mischief is not an easy task - even if he has already fallen for you.

Warnings: None.

Words: ~1600

A/N: Since I am writing several Series at once, together with Oneshots in between, the chapters are gonna be a bit shorter so I keep no one waiting. Hope that is alright!

[Story Masterlist] [All of my Works]

Taglist: @austynparksandpizza @queenariesofnarnia @commonintrest @buckylokisimp @just-someone-who-likes-to-write @lxdyred @frostay

The first weeks after your arrival at the Avengers Compound passed by rather uneventful.

Due to the fact that you neither had a family you could be attached to, nor many belongings ever since HYDRA had kidnapped you and destroyed your home, Tony insisted on you living at the tower - like many of the other members as well.

Everything was just so new and exciting, not even Loki’s gleeful mockery could bring you down from that high.

Little did you know that all of his pep talks about those ‘inferior heros’, the ‘illusion of power’ or how no one was ever truly good or evil had a completely different reason:

An attempt to get you to leave, for your own good. After everything that had happened to you, the god was worried how another fight would affect you.

Anyway, it was a luxurious life compared to your old one, with so many kind persons and new perspectives. And you were sure to return that favor once you’d learn to control your powers!

So until then, you would train as hard as possible and care for your new friends through little acts of service. Caring for others came quite natural to you, may it be listening to their problems or simply complimenting them to see their faces brighten up.

And for some reason, that particular character trait was the one thing Loki found the most annoying.

How could a person so naive and pure think they could actually join in battles against evil? You’ll only end up getting yourself killed - and to be honest, Loki thought this to be a waste.

And even though he’d never admit it, but jealousy was starting to get the better of him the more he observed you getting along with everyone.

They adored you - and they were very right in doing so!

But that would mean that you were just nice to everyone, not especially to him, right?

Every time you’d help Bucky through a panic attack, braided Thor’s hair or helped Banner in the laboratory, Loki only wished you’d be with him instead - and if he had to burn this whole place to the ground for this to happen.

Yet his pride kept him from voicing that desire.

For you on the other hand, it was frustratingly hard to get through to the God of Mischief. In comparison to how he treated the other Avengers, he was always reserved and courteous towards you, yet also unreachable distanced.

Only on a weekend where the other Avengers were on a mission, the two of you found a way to actually bond with each other, if only a little.

Loki had once again read every book he borrowed from Stark’s library, now having a reason to leave his room again. At least those subhumans won’t be there to drain on his nerves...

When he crossed the living room on his way to the elevator, he blinked heavily as he saw you plainly chilling on the sofa. He was just about to turn around and leave, when you hectically gestured for him to stay.

“Hey, Loki! 😊” you wrote on a notepad, holding it up for him to read.

“Greetings...” he spoke between gritted teeth, but your smile wouldn’t falter, so he stood rooted in the middle of the room.

“Do you want to watch a movie together?” How blunt could you be to ask a literal god directly, just like that?!

“Actually, I-” When your eyes met, Loki cut himself off, the words being caught in his throat. “Well, if you’re in dire need of my sublime company...”

You were quick to sit up straight, offering a bowl with popcorn to the Odinson which he curiously accepted. When he answered your question about what sweets they eat on Asgard, he wouldn’t understand why you’d laugh. Apparently ‘nuts and grapes’ are not considered treats on earth. Got it.

Yet that little huff you blew out of your nose instead of making an actual laughing sound came somewhat endearing to him, especially in contrast to your other noisy companions. “Adorable...”

Without even asking first, you’d wrap the other half of the blanket around Loki, effectively closing the gap between you two.

“Wha- I’m not cold!” he blurted out, visibly overchallenged by the sudden closeness. “I’m a Jotun, hel!”

What was he even so worked up about? Geeze...

“But the weather on Asgard is rather humid, right?” you wrote down, with him nodding approvingly. "It allows all kinds of flowers to blossom, other than this metal brick” he explained, your excited look not failing to keep him talking. “You should see it some time.”

Loki’s eyes were now locked on the screen, and you could basically grasp his homesicknes, very well aware that a failure and war criminal like him would never be tolerated in those holy grounds ever again.

Great...now you had achieved the exact opposite of what you wanted.

You tugged on his arm so he’d shift your attention to you again, quickly writing something with a barely there sulk on your face:

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you sad.”

Tears were already forming on the rim of your eyes, making Loki’s insides churn. “So sensitive...gods. Keep yourself together, would you.”

The Odinson instinctively wrapped an arm around you, his free hand petting your head as he pulled it to his chest. He was awfully warm for a frost giant, and his heart was hammering against his chest in a fastened pace - maybe just your imagination, though.

“Well, it’s winter...” he uttered, acting as if he actually cared about the plot of the movie. “I may not freeze, but you seemed cold. That’s all.”

You let your hand run across his collarbone, making him look down to you once again. He bit his lip as his icy glare met your warm one, eyes shimmering with earnest affection while you formed silent words with your lips:

“T-h-a-n-k y-o-u.”

“N-no need to thank me.” Just now Loki wondered what kind of spell you were using on him, being reduced to a shaking and stuttering mess.

No curse, no beauty ever before had bewitched him so much that he would lose his cool, let anyone peek under his confident mask, after all.

Not so long ago, when he was still considered the handsome Prince of Asgard, he would bed a different lover on each night, though never settling for anyone.

And after the revelation of his true heritage, even those fleeting encounters to ease his loneliness would falter - all that’s left was certainty that the theory he had ever since his childhood had proven to be true:

That everyone had always secretly despised him, the failure of the family and disgrace to all of Asgard. Only through his Jotun blood they had found a reason to not play along with the royal courtesy anymore, showing their resentment up in the open.

But you...you looked at him with completely different eyes than anyone ever did.

Maybe he had become softer, weaker over time - or simply more mature. His mother once told him to seize the moment when someone truly special would cross his way, and to never let them go.

“We could do this more often.” You shoved the notepad in his line of sight, and just now he noticed that two hours had sure passed in an incredible speed.

Just the two of you, cuddled up on the sofa, enjoying each other’s presence instead of dealing with the troublesome past.

“Well...” Loki clawed into your upper arm softly, no intention of letting you out of his grasp already. “I am sure your other companions are more fun to be around. As you most likely already noticed, I am known for ruining the mood.”

Loki had a habit of talking ill about himself, and letting himself down as well. Yet as he saw you eagerly scribble on the notepad, he knit his brows together, impatient to what you’d say next.

“But I want to see you.” The word ‘you’ was written in a thicker font, underlined several times.

“Why?”, that was the first and only thing crossing his mind. And yet there you sat, shoving the notepad into his face with a stern look on your face.

Loki was rooted on spot as you put the notepad on the table, instead laying your hands on his cheeks and softly tugging on the edge of his lips. “S-m-i-l-e!”

“E-enough!” he carefully pushed your hands away, afraid you’d detect the mild blush on his face. “Then it shall be. What did you have in mind?”

“Whatever you want.”

Loki finally arrived at the library to return his books, even though with a few hours delay. Realizing just how much he had enjoyed that spontaneous meeting with you, he began to panic.

Was it really a good idea to repeat this?

He was almost 100% certain that it would only end in him ruining your trust in anyone completely, if he’d ever allow you to come close to his core.

Due to him having saved you back then, you probably see him as something better than he actually was - and gods, how disappointed you’ll be once you’d find out what he really is like...

It was probably for the best if this would never happen, with him just keeping on to admire you from afar...

After a while of just staring into the void, mentally debating about your offer, he couldn’t help the fact that he was already looking forwards to meeting you again.

Uncertain how to approach the matter, Loki was at least eager to show you his goodwill.

For you have been the first person who - despite everything he had done - was willing to give him another chance.

"Greetings. I need every available book about sign language.”

#Loki #Loki x Reader #Loki x You #Loki / Reader #Loki x Y/N #Loki / You #Loki Odinson #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Friggason #God of Mischief #Marvel #Disney #Writing #Fanfiction #Self Insert

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bokutoslittlebird · 4 years ago

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Request: Omg requests are open!!!🥰 also I hope you’re doing good 💕 Can you do NSFW stalker tsukishima and lev (separately) as models who are in love with the photographer?

I'm doin great sweetie😘. I hope I did well with both of them, since I'm not too familiar writing them, but I hope you enjoy nevertheless!

Warnings: Tsukki's mean comments, yandere themes, m. masturbation, stalking, noncon, fingering, mentions of Alisa briefly (accepting/supporting Lev's actions)

Tsukishima

> Tsukishima is one of the more unapproachable models who often has people quitting because of his constant rude comments and his resting bitch face, but lots of people want to work with him because he's a good model... he just has a sour attitude.

> Recently, however, his comments have hit the point where you don't know if he hates you or likes you. One moment, he's calling you an idiot because you forgot your camera, but then he's offering to get it for you because you just sat down. He treats you the nicest, but it is still weird.

> Then it gets even weirder, because now he's only spouting rude comments to you. He makes your life miserable, never listening to you and constantly changing his schedule without notifying you. He has you running around like a chicken without a head, to and fro trying to please him.

> The thing is... he gets off on that. Watching this little photographer do anything in their power to make him happy? The fact you don't even show interest in quitting despite his rude and blunt commentary? Your sweet smile when you get a good shot of him and then proudly show it to him, ignoring his scoff and continuing to smile? Makes him sick on the outside, but it just makes him more twisted deep inside.

> He wants you to be underneath him, unable to do anything as he forces himself on you. Knowing you, work the next day would be the same thing, but your smile would be gone. He doesn't mind, enjoying the idea of having you all to himself gets more and more tempting as you interact with more and more people.

> A common evening for him involves him reminiscing on how cute you sound whenever he randomly pops up behind you, or how joyful you look when something turns out just right. He wants to take that away from you. He doesn't want you to look at him like he's put the stars in the sky, but rather as if he's taken the sun from the day and covered you in his darkness. Of course, he often has his hand wrapped around his cock as he imagines fucking you as you cry out.

> Then the perfect opportunity arrives. You're taking a few shots for your portfolio, it's late at night, people have left to go home, he's enjoying all of your attention and already thinking about where the cameras are and how to avoid them when the lights go out. It's like this was his moment. No cameras, no witnesses, and your innocent self thinking he could care less about you.

"Tsukishima-san, what-!" you gasp out, feeling a hand cup your ass. Spinning around, the lightning outside flashes to reveal a wicked smirk painted on his lips. Another flash reveals he's stepped closer to you. "What.. what are you doing?"

"What am I doing? I'm taking what I rightfully deserve," he simply says, hands dropping on your shoulders and forcing your knees to buckle. "I taking you, but first," another flash illuminates the room, revealing your horror-struck face and his deranged smile, "I want a taste."

Lev

> He's the exact opposite of Tsukishima. Tsukki doesn't like people, but people love him because he's a popular lone model. Lev loves people, and people love him, but it's mainly because him and his sister are two hot models people can get major bank working for. He doesn't get lone modelling gigs until you come along, working for a company that wants to advertise men's clothing.

> Lev is ecstatic because you didn't mention his sister's name even once. You are only looking for him, only needing him, so he's over the moon! He's so thankful, he even offers to walk you home after you run over the basics with him. He's too kind to leave you alone at night, so he follows you home just in case! He's looking out for you!

> He's a giant puppy, honestly, he just appreciates how you're only looking to him as a model. He wants to be friends! His hugs are something you have to get used to, but you set boundaries he constantly ignores. Hugging you whenever you drop in to get him from one of his and his sister's shots, only for you to squirm away and tell him to not do that here. He pouts, making you give him a proper hug.

> He sees nothing wrong. Alisa thinks it's sweet. Everyone else? Your relationship is unprofessional. Their looks of disapproval doesn't help you're young in your field. It also doesn't help that you have to mention to Lev your time with his is almost over. Two more outfits to model and you'll be leaving. When you finally tell him...

"I won't let you go! You're my friend!" He shouts across the studio. It's broad daylight and anybody could hear him, but would they care? He's one of Japan's top male models - you're just a photographer. You're cowering on the floor, at the mercy of his outburst, broken camera beside you as he ruins the set for the photoshoot.

"Haiba-san, plea-" you begin.

"Lev! You always call me Lev!" His outburst interrupts you, your hands covering your ears. It isn't until he's pushing you down onto the cold floor do you realize he's getting angrier. "You can't leave me behind, [Y/N],"

"Lev," you try again, wetting your lips as you look up at him, pity in your eyes. "It's not my choice. It's the company's,"

"Then I'll have you working for me. If you try to leave me," his eyes are blown wide, frantic as his large hands begin to tug at your shirt. Feeble hands are no match for his strength, his hands worming their way down into your pants and rubbing at your most sensitive area. "I'll tell everyone you tried to seduce me. I've seen the way they look at you. You're below them in everything, only here because of me. You'll fall and crumble because of me; you don't want that, do you?"

"Lev, stop-!" You beg, feeling two of his fingers enter you as they rub against your walls, but he just smiles down at you.

"You feel even better than I imagined, you know? I hope you don't mind me indulging in myself. My sister's been dying to meet you - got your room set up and everything. You'll love living with us - you can be our little photographer, but you have to remember you were mine first okay?" He continues to blabber on as your hands weakly try to push him off, feeling your walls fluttering on his digits as he continues to pump them into you. He isn't listening to your cries asking him to stop and you're almost positive you won't be walking from here without a limp.

#Tsukishima.Spice #tsukishima x reader #Tsukishima.hcs #lev x reader #Mr. Lev #Mr. Kei #Haiba.Spice #Haiba.hcs #haikyuu smut #tw.stalking #tw.yandere #tw.noncon #cw.masturbation #tw.masturbation

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shihalyfie · 3 years ago

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Shounen anime character archetypes, and how the Adventure and 02 characters don’t entirely follow them

Adventure is a kids’ show, and so it’s only natural that its characters would have certain surface archetypes common to others in the genre, like “the impulsive leader” or “the cool-headed rival”...except it actually doesn’t, really! It was actually a deliberate decision to make the characters go against their archetypes, and even the ones that did toe closer to it still had a number of nuances that distinguished them greatly from what you would usually expect from these kinds of characters. A lot of this was a deliberate attempt to make the characters relatable, so that it would allow each and every one of them to have their own unique strengths that their usual archetypes wouldn’t generally allow them to.

To be clear: tropes are not a fundamentally bad thing, especially since fiction very much relies on them to communicate (Adventure and 02 sometimes being so contrary to media expectations that they often frustrated viewers for not apparently making sense), and moreover, there are tropes that still are very true to reality (for instance, although the archetype of the “crybaby child” wasn’t in this series, many people have stated that Tomoki in the significantly more conventional Frontier was no less a realistic representation of what a child his age might do in an unfamiliar world). It’s also quite foolhardy to claim that Adventure and 02 never indulged in tropes at all, of course. However, things that fall outside the conventional mold are much more difficult to find proper representations of, and there’s an unfortunate trend of many (especially those in the mainstream who don’t quite remember the series well, or mainstream press) often pigeonholing Adventure and 02′s characters back into those tropes because that’s what you’d normally expect of them, sometimes to the point of negatively comparing them to other things -- and that’s just something that really isn’t fair to the series!

Disclaimer: Note that the following post works first and foremost off of the original Japanese version, so if you’re coming purely from the American English dub, there may be some substantial differences in what’s described (most noticeably in regards to Mimi and Daisuke).

Taichi

While shounen media has been a lot more willing to change things up a lot since Adventure first aired in 1999, the general idea you get of a shounen protagonist is a hot-blooded one who charges recklessly into everything on impulse. Taichi definitely fits a handful of the traits on principle in that he’s a passionate sports boy, and one who takes an “action-first” philosophy and often acts on impulse, but there’s a lot more nuance to that than you might expect.

Firstly, it would be very off to pigeonhole Taichi as the belligerent type to like fighting and to charge into everything thoughtlessly, because while Taichi does get cocky in the midst of battle while riding the adrenaline, he’s not the kind of person who likes fighting enemies just for the sheer sake of fighting and defeating them (and, in fact, it would probably be incorrect to say this about any Adventure or 02 character). As is pointed out by Koushirou even when Taichi is at one of his most haphazard and reckless in Adventure episode 16, Taichi’s actions are still always out of consideration for others, and he’s the kind of selfless person who in fact only hits his most reckless points when he’s cracking so much under the pressure of needing to do things for everyone’s sake that he even throws himself into the fray out of self-sacrifice. Even during the late points of the series in Adventure episode 45, he felt that the method of “pushing forward despite everything” was the best way to repay the sacrifices their Digimon friends had made for them -- he has a tendency to advocate for actively doing things because he firmly believes that sitting around doing nothing won’t solve anything, or would result in more victims. He has had introspective moments of weakness (see Adventure episodes 17, 20, 21, etc.), and it’s specifically because he has to reconcile the facts that he knows nothing good will come out of being a sitting duck, but he also has to figure out a way to do it that won’t accidentally cause collateral damage.

Taichi is “impulsive” in that he tends to play things by ear, but that doesn’t always mean he advocates for the most aggressive solution -- in fact, there are times where he’s often too chill and is picking the simplest and least complicated thing to do for now while he tries to figure it out later. Plus, it’s not like he recklessly charges into battle against everyone’s wishes -- the few incidents he does are explicitly marked as his moments of weakness, and in fact the reason he gets into conflicts with Yamato so much during the early part of the series is technically because he’s taking the time to argue back at him and try to make his point instead of just going ahead and doing it anyway.

Taichi doesn’t have that much of an ego! Adventure episode 28 reveals that he’d never even thought of himself as the group’s “leader” to begin with, nor did he necessarily think he should have the position (by all means, despite how unreliable he was at the start of the series, responsibility belonged to Jou as the oldest in the group). But Taichi has a remarkable knack for seeing things on the bird’s-eye view, and that’s what makes him suitable as a leader -- not in the traditional shounen sense of just aggressively pushing everyone forward into battle, but looking at the full picture and making judgment calls, delegating jobs, and bringing people together. It’s a much more true-to-life description of what a “leader” needs to be beyond what media (or even real life resources, honestly!) would usually suggest, and Taichi being someone naturally suited to this position encompasses most of his personality -- it unfortunately makes him not very good at seeing the little things in front of him, but he’s capable of assertively and firmly making decisions for the sake of everyone’s welfare.

And even when Taichi does hit the general shounen lead trope of being on the argumentative or irritable side, a lot of it has to do with the fact he’s a bit of a playful troll who doesn’t take things seriously enough, not that he’s brash and wants to start a fight -- he sometimes makes insensitive remarks because he was under the impression others shouldn’t be taking it so seriously (”it was just a joke!”), or he gets defensive when someone (usually Yamato) calls out his plan for not being that great. But on the flip side, the fact he treats people equivocally and without distant weirdness allows him to have a sense of charisma to bring people together (it’s the very reason Koushirou was willing to approach him to begin with), and because he has a priority of pushing everyone forward productively with a sense of firmness, he’s able to conclusively make judgments and decisions during times others would hesitate. Even if they turn out to not be great decisions in the end, they’re still decisions that he consciously thought through to at least some degree, made for the sake of helping everyone and pushing them forward.

Yamato

Yamato’s archetype is one that goes down to appearance -- the cool-looking, bishounen rival who advocates for a more “rational and cold” approach in contrast to the lead protagonist’s hot-bloodedness, who looks down on him for being stupid and irrational, and refuses to get near anyone due to looking down on them (or the concept of having friends in general). This is to the point where his own voice actor saw his design and immediately expected him to be this archetype to the point of worrying that he might not be able to pull off this role, only for himself to find out that Yamato is the exact opposite.

Yamato is, in fact, one of the most openly emotional and compassionate people in the entire original Adventure group, and given that Taichi is actually someone who often is too chill and doesn’t take things seriously enough, Yamato is actually the one who actively instigates fights with him and escalates things to physical levels, because he perceives Taichi as being inconsiderate. His first focus episode (Adventure episode 3) has him completely go off his rocker for Takeru’s safety, but while Takeru definitely elicits the most extreme reactions from him, he really does escalate fights immediately the moment he feels sufficiently offended on others’ behalf. So in other words, “rational and cold” are just around the last words you should be ever using for Yamato.

Moreover, what seems to be detachment from the others ends up ultimately just being a byproduct of awkwardness -- even as early as Adventure episodes 6 and 18, he had no problems openly laughing and smiling with the others, and it was just his prior lack of friends beforehand that made him unsure of how to open up to others. Adventure episode 51 has him directly say in words what his actual reasoning for his awkward behavior and friendless background was: it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be near others, he was just so obsessed with being independent and self-reliant that he felt that he shouldn’t be dependent on others. He liked others’ company, and he didn’t look down on them at all -- he cared a lot about the others’ welfare, he was just averse to the idea of actually being emotionally dependent on others, until he was able to be snapped out of that mindset and able to understand that relying on others doesn’t indicate a personal failing.

These kinds of characters usually are fueled by some kind of pride or condescension, but in fact Yamato doesn’t have that at all (in fact, you could more accurately say that it’s insecurity more than anything). Even when he openly breaks down into a crying mess in front of everyone (he has the highest cry count in Adventure, at that!), he doesn’t seem to have any shame about having exposed some of the rawest parts of himself to the others -- think about how this archetype would usually get embarrassed about people finding out they’re “soft” -- and there’s no evidence that he has any sense of superiority whatsoever.

By the time of 02, since he’s portrayed as having become openly sociable and cheerful, for all intents and purposes, the only thing he has left in common with the archetype is just the fact he seems to be really into a sort of edgy aesthetic. Otherwise, he’s just as emotional as ever, makes even some of the funniest facial expressions in 02, is on fantastic terms with Taichi (it is very important that the single punch he lands on him is purely in a sense to snap him out of it and not made out of anger or condescension), and, really, if you want to say that he has a responsibility of reining Taichi in, considering Taichi’s penchant for being a little too assertive about his decisions, it’s just in the sense of lightly reminding him not to get too ahead of himself, which is not any worse than keeping an eye on a cat with a track record of getting into willful trouble. This is especially because, after all, Yamato is someone who has compassion for others’ welfare and feelings -- and that includes Taichi, too.

Sora

This kind of character is usually thought of as the “badass action girl”, especially since Sora is established as also being rather physically active much like Taichi, but one thing that often comes with this sort of character is that they often “have it together” all of the time and are seemingly implacable in personality. Adventure goes out of its way to indicate, even as early as episode 3, that while it is true that Sora has it together and is capable of pulling her own weight, she is also not a saint -- that is to say, she’s capable of having moments of pettiness, poor judgment, or irrationality like any other flawed human being. In fact, her first focus episode (Adventure episode 4) has her outright look down on Piyomon for being, in her mind, overly mushy and clingy and not really up for the job of protecting her, only to be proven very wrong at the end of the episode.

One thing Adventure and 02 don’t shy away from is the concept of “selflessness to the point of self-destruction” -- it’s good to be kind and considerate, but at what point are you doing so much for other people that you’re not properly taking care of yourself? In Sora’s case, the problem is defined as compulsive -- even when, in Adventure episode 26, she claims herself to be an inconsiderate person who doesn’t care about anyone and is incapable of love or affection, it’s revealed that, despite consciously thinking that, she’d still gone out of her way to help everyone behind the scenes in the last few episodes because she still couldn’t stop wanting to help people. Even her own flashbacks (and rather inaccurate testimony) about her past with her mother have a constant thread of her working for others’ sake more than she’s doing anything for herself.

In other words, being this image of a perfect, well-behaved, reliable person whom everyone can depend on no matter what is actually pretty unhealthy for her, because she’s capable of cracking under the pressure and not being allowed to be, well, a normal human being once in a while. Being that sort of person requires constantly catering to obligations (real or perceived) to others, which she’s unfortunately capable of falling so deeply in and not thinking of herself at all to the point she gets self-destructive. Because her problem with this is so bad, Jou and Yamato reaching out to her in Adventure episode 51 literally just involves reminding her about the sheer concept of personal will and volition, because without that, she’d basically considered herself a piece of the situation who does everything she does because that’s what she has to do.

And yes, indeed, a “lead” female character in this position would usually be played up heavily with the main lead male character, because media traditionally loves to hint that the sheer existence of a male and female lead with any kind of relationship whatsoever means that they have to be fated to be in love, but given the philosophy of not wanting to apply tropes unless there’s an in-universe rationale for it (of which “pairing the main male and female leads” is directly cited as one potential such trope), it is true that just because Sora knew Taichi from the soccer club and is usually the first-listed female character in Adventure doesn’t really necessarily indicate she should be obligated to fall head over heels in love with him (especially because they don’t interact nearly as much as you’d expect two characters with that kind of backstory to, and Koushirou, who’s also from the same club, hangs with him much more prominently) -- and in fact, when the issue of her love life does come up in 02, it’s treated as a very non-dramatic issue that becomes a background element of the narrative, which is not how you’d usually see the issue of romance or a love life usually treated in the kind of media that loves to bring that front and center most of the time. While the fanbase loves to treat it like it was some kind of love triangle, that kind of reading actually requires an extra dose of interpretation from a very ambiguously portrayed situation that ultimately isn’t given much fanfare by even the characters in-universe, because, really, two fourteen-year-olds dating is...rather commonplace and not actually that big of a deal, especially when compared to something like preventing monsters from blowing up the city.

Koushirou

Adventure actually has two plays on the traditional “nerd” character, separating the archetype into one who’s good with data and random trivial information (Koushirou) and one who’s good at rote memorization and doing practical calculations that are good for school environments (Jou). So already, there’s a bit of subtle nuance in the fact it makes this distinction at all, in that there are different ways to be “smart” -- Koushirou’s depth of knowledge is significantly less practically applicable than Jou’s in most ordinary situations and isn’t tailored well to institutional expectations like school and exams, but he has a much wider range of things he knows about and ends up more directly pertinent in regards to his knowledge about computers and data analysis.

In any case, a “smart” character would often have an angle of being condescending, i.e. lording over others that they know so much more than them and knowingly being showoffs as a result, or actively disliking people and considering machines to be superior. In the case of Koushirou, however, it’s established that while he does have a certain level of intimidation around other people and find himself more comfortable around his computer, and while he can get absorbed in gathering information or rambling off about things because he’s passionate about it, he doesn’t actively dislike nor look down on others (rather, he’s actively intimidated by them, according to Adventure episode 38), and he states outright in Adventure episode 10 that he doesn’t want to spurn Mimi nor does he care about his computer more than he cares about others, he just genuinely thinks that what he’s doing right now will benefit even Mimi in the long run, too.

Koushirou may not be experienced in dealing with other people and may be a bit uncomfortable in high-pressure social situations, but at his core he’s a very kind and compassionate person who cares about others! The fact he’s constantly polite to others isn’t just out of awkwardness, but also out of a genuine desire to keep courtesy and distance, and as the series goes on it turns out he really is as polite and humble as he sounds -- he’s doing it because he’s shy, not because he considers himself above the others, and by Adventure episodes 38 and 54 he says that he would like to be able to speak more casually and be closer to others, it’s just that it’s going to take some time for him to do so. And even if he does mess up a social situation, if he’s informed he’s messed up, he’s easily capable of taking this to heart and trying to do better (which makes up all of Adventure episode 10 when he eventually realizes he went too far with Mimi). Just because he may not be fantastic at handling the fallout doesn’t mean he doesn’t fundamentally care or want to minimize harm to others. Not only that, he’s also one of the youngest in this group, and for all it’s worth, he shows every indication of being properly respectful of his elders from his position.

Moreover, while Koushirou is so heavily associated with his computer, the series doesn’t take long to establish that the computer really is not the focal part of his character as much as it’s the concept of “gathering and analyzing information”. However much knowledge Koushirou had gained prior to the series, and whatever tech skills Koushirou may or may not have (if you look closely, his tech feats aren’t actually that impressive within the scope of Adventure and 02, and a lot of what he does in terms of tech feats is heavily outsourced), are considered relatively unimportant in comparison to his actual attitude about it, which is that he never stops wanting to learn more or dig deeper into things whenever something’s piqued his curiosity. The conflict in Adventure episode 24 that establishes the true, functional meaning of the Crest of Knowledge has very little to do with computers at all, but rather Koushirou insatiably pursuing more about the Digital World itself and Gennai, and, really, the topic could be anything as long as it’s new and interesting -- it’s just that computers (especially ones connected to the Internet) are a convenient place to gather and analyze different kinds of information, and the Digital World happens to be an absolute treasure trove of new things to discover.

In other words, Koushirou knows a lot of things not because it gives him some status of superiority over others for being “smart”, but rather because he’s genuinely passionate about exploring and learning about things, and you can also see it in the difference between the way he approaches “gathering” information versus “disclosing” information. During times he’s focused on gathering or analyzing information, he focuses on it and tends to shut others out because he wants to make sure he’s uninterrupted and can get every little detail out of it, and whenever he’s talking to himself, others might sometimes get lost in his rambling, but whenever he’s put in a situation where it’s of importance that he explain to others (examples being Adventure episodes 19, 28, and 42), he clarifies when people have questions, sometimes checks to make sure everyone’s still following, and, in general, has no sense of condescension about the fact he knows more than them, with the implication that wants the others to be able to understand and appreciate the information he’s passionate about.

Koushirou is also one of the most visible seniors in 02, because as someone whose defining trait was “curiosity and inquisitiveness”, it stands to reason that he’d be the one most curious about what his juniors are getting involved with, what’s going on with the Digital World, and anything else to do with it (hence why he occasionally asks his juniors to test things for him, such as in 02 episode 17, and hauls himself all the way down to Tamachi to pick Ken’s brain about anything he knows in 02 episode 33). Again, like in Adventure, his character portrayal actually has very little to do with computers, despite what the imagery and archetype would suggest -- it’s more about how he’s now become able to take a leadership role like that of the computer club and start coordinating and organizing people to be able to figure out even more things, while also being able to personally unravel more of the mysteries behind the Digital World and the story itself.

Mimi

Coming from a background of being a bit pampered and spoiled, Mimi aligns a bit to the “pretty girl” archetype that generally has a few things associated with it -- someone who might be a bit materialistic or fixated on appearances, and someone who’s a bit condescending or high-horse in compared to others. So it’s interesting that Mimi is actually portrayed as, for the most part, not that absorbed about appearances or materialism (it’s not to say she doesn’t care at all, but any references she makes to appearance are vanishingly rare in the series, and she’s even willing to warm up to the Numemon or Scumon/Chuumon and not hold grudges against them), and in fact all of her “complaints” that she makes in the early parts of the series are meant to be in line with what an average child would have in her situation. Complaints like “I don’t like this” in reaction to little things like having to get dirty or endure something tiring aren’t complaints she makes because she looks down on it as much as she’s just had a very sheltered upbringing that hadn’t involved a lot of hardship, so now that she has to grit her teeth and go through a lot of difficult things, she simply has low tolerance and high sensitivity and is having difficulty coping.

Beyond that, Mimi is consistently portrayed as likeable and devoid of malice or condescension towards anyone -- so much to the point that even at the beginning of the series, she saw no reason to look down on Koushirou or make fun of him when her classmates did, because she didn’t see why she should. Mimi is said to be someone who is so naturally likeable that she has no problems making friends with anyone, which is why she’s the one who’s able to gather together allies at the end of Adventure -- because she lacks condescension or malice, and is compassionate enough to never get on the wrong foot with anyone, everyone ends up able to get along with her with no problem. As one of the youngest in the group, she’s polite to her elders and uses proper honorifics on everyone, and moreover any lashing out she does is purely defensive and not aggressive towards others. She lashes out because she doesn’t like herself or her friends being hurt, but otherwise she doesn’t care to do anything cold or rude towards others, nor have a grudge; her first focus episode (Adventure episode 6) involved her having absolutely nothing but "they don't seem like they're having fun" towards everyone making fools of themselves in front of her, and she even goes as far as to outright call them her “friends” at a time in the series when everyone barely knew each other! This is also why 02 depicts her as having already made a ton of friends in America (such as Michael, or the attendees of the huge party in 02 episode 14) despite having been there for only a year; she’s that likeable to the point she can get along with people from even an entirely different country easily.

Mimi is “extremely empathetic”, which means that she won’t cause harm or pain to others because she herself feels their pain when they’re in trouble or hurt -- the closest she got to being on a power trip was her “princess” mental health crash in Adventure episode 25, which almost immediately led to her having nightmares about everyone feeling betrayed and potentially hating her and turning around in less than one night. Hence, she won’t do anything to hurt others’ feelings, because she herself feels hurt if she does. However, that means that once the Dark Masters arc kicks in and many of their friends are hurt and killed in the process, her feeling every bit of that makes her the first to take it the hardest and become unable to fight (and, by extension, is very tied to that “extra sensitivity” that made her so sensitive to pain or unpleasant experiences at the beginning of the series). Mimi is consistently portrayed as a pacifist, and while many other shounen battle series would portray this as a weakness, Adventure episode 50 establishes that while it of course isn’t good for her to sit around doing nothing, it would be inhumane to force Mimi to personally participate in something that causes her so much pain, and instead may be better channeling her abilities to bring people together by amassing allies and contributing to the struggle in other ways. While Mimi does eventually get herself together enough to participate in the direct fighting in Adventure and 02, she never gets portrayed as someone who enjoys it for the sake of it besides the end goal of protecting others, and in 02 her ability to bring people together and not hold grudges is a much more significant influence on her juniors (especially Miyako).

As a side point, this kind of “pretty girl” character is often also stereotyped as being rather lacking in common sense or airheaded, but while Mimi certainly isn’t the paragon of intellectuality compared to some of the others in the group, she’s never portrayed as particularly lacking in common sense, and in fact her sense of empathy and sensitivity makes her very able to “read the room” and say things or act in ways that are in fact extremely helpful to others. “Emotional intelligence” is a fairly prominent character trait for many characters in Adventure and 02 (particularly in regards to Digimon partners), and, especially in a narrative where the characters are dealing with a lot of stress and emotional issues, is no less important of a role in terms of figuring out what’s going on and figuring out the best possible solution for everyone going forward.

Jou

Jou’s got two archetypes going on here: one being the “studious nerd” type (touched on earlier in Koushirou’s section), and one as “the oldest and therefore most responsible” -- except we quickly find out that Jou is extremely stress-prone, often high-strung, and not particularly put-together (especially because, as it turns out, he’s actually the youngest of his own siblings, meaning he’s not particularly used to being in the role of the oldest). Nevertheless, he takes his role as the oldest very seriously, but the way it’s played is interesting: while he initially seems like the type to hold his position as “the oldest” over everyone and act as if they’re obligated to treat him with respect, Jou actually doesn’t have any indication of caring that much about status or esteem as much as he considers himself obligated to fulfill the role of the oldest and take care of everyone. Hence, why he’s willing to even throw himself recklessly on a Unimon in Adventure episode 7 -- he’s a very selfless person whose main drive is to protect others and help people more than he cares about his own status.

That extends to his role as a “studious” person too -- someone like him who comes from an “elite” family of doctors would often be portrayed as someone who themself cares about the prestige and honor of being a doctor, or at least is proud of being an honor student over everyone else, but there’s no indication in Adventure or 02 that Jou has any interest in the act of studying itself or the status that comes with it as much as he considers it part of a “comfortable routine” that’s integrated into his life, especially compared to the stress of being in an unknown world (Adventure episode 6 even has him preface his statement with “don’t laugh at me,” acknowledging how unusual it would normally be to miss something like studying). Adventure episode 35 has him be mostly rather unfazed about getting a bad grade, past an initial (understandable) bout of disappointment, hinting that this whole affair is actually him going through the motions moreso than he has any real attachment to this lifestyle. Jou doesn’t have a condescending bone in his body, and in fact a lot of his behavior has heavily to do with high stress and a feeling of obligation to help others.

Eventually, via his brother Shin, Adventure episode 38 clarifies the reason for Jou’s behavior of being the “studious type” yet also not really being into it all that much -- Jou’s doing this out of his obligation to his family more than he even personally cares about it, and the “elite” track of being a doctor was never something he personally wanted as much as something his father wanted of him. So in other words, Jou had no personal investment in status and thus can’t be motivated to do something with passion unless it’s something he personally has a reason for wanting to do. He certainly was very motivated to throw himself recklessly into situations where he could sacrifices himself for others in Adventure episodes 7, 23, and 36, because it was a no-brainer that he wanted to help people, but something like the status of becoming a respected member of society is comparatively nebulous and vague to him, especially since, as per Adventure episode 38, he has a phobia of blood that makes the profession outright uncomfortable to him.

Because Jou is the kind of person who wants to do his best for others’ sake and help others, it’s only when he rationalizes that with his father’s desire for him to be a doctor that he’s able to form a desire for it -- namely, the Dark Masters arc has him witness pain and death, and combined with him outright coming to terms with the fact that he's not that great at fighting to begin with (in Adventure episode 50), he decides that the Digital World is rather lacking in healers and that he needs to be there for them. Hence, why his goal to become a doctor is still “unexpected” in its own way, because he’s not doing it for the status of becoming an “elite” doctor the way his father wants him to, but rather one specialized in helping the denizens of the fantasy world that society isn’t all that aware of. It’s also why, in 02, he seems to be fairly unfazed by the prospect of having to temporarily ditch his studies in order to get Gomamon or his juniors out of a pinch -- because if he allowed there to be casualties on his road to becoming someone who can help people, that’d be pretty hypocritical.

Takeru

The “designated kid character” usually manifests in one of two ways: one who’s an immature brat who often causes a lot of trouble, or one who’s much weaker than the others and holds the others back from constantly being emotionally overwhelmed. While neither of these are really things you can blame a child for being at this kind of age for being (especially in such a stressful situation), Takeru is nevertheless neither. Mainstream media, and sometimes even people in the fanbase itself, will talk about him being a “crybaby”, but Takeru’s moments of breaking down into tears or having extreme emotional reactions in Adventure are actually quite uncommon (Yamato’s moments of such outstrip his by a landslide, and almost all of the situations Takeru ends up that way aren’t particularly more unusual than any of the other characters in this cast, especially Mimi).

In truth, Adventure episode 43 makes it clear that Takeru detests the idea of being a “ball and chain” holding everyone back, so, as a result, he’s going out of his way to be “put-together and well-behaved” -- hence, why he, as one of the youngest, keeps on his best behavior in front of his elders and has a constant sense of responsibility. Moreover, there are multiple indications that he’s covering up his own emotions to unhealthy extents as part of his attempt to be so “put-together” -- he has moments where it’s obvious he’s thinking about the impact of his parents’ divorce (a freeze-frame in Adventure episode 3, his reminiscence in Adventure episode 12, or his talk about dislike of “family” getting separated in Adventure episode 26), but constantly tries to veer away from the topic or even lie about it (see Adventure episode 12 where he basically pretends he doesn’t remember anything at all about his young childhood despite the fact that we as the audience are shown that he very much did).

The fact that 02′s incarnation of Takeru has him show a lot more viciously negative sides of himself may catch one off-guard, and it’s sometimes been said by observers that he seems to have taken a mysteriously nasty turn in his personality, but, in fact, Takeru’s habit of being dishonest about and hiding a lot of negative emotions had existed as early as Adventure -- observe him blowing a complete irrational fuse at the well-meaning Tokomon/Patamon in Adventure episodes 22 and 33, just because things had hit him a little too closely (the latter episode is especially notable because Patamon’s statement had been completely innocuous for the most part, only for Takeru to suddenly get angry at him). Such a thing isn’t something you would have expected from an eight-year-old child, given that the archetype is usually portrayed as “innocent”, but it had remained largely unaddressed by the end of Adventure, and it’s only natural it would have gotten worse over the three years in between Adventure and 02, especially as Takeru became older and more independent. When Iori points out the strange “duality” between the kind and cold sides of Takeru in 02 episode 34, he’s really just directly stating what had been going on since the very first episode of Adventure.

That said, it’s also not like Takeru’s trying to be dishonest or guilty of subterfuge -- it’s just that his coping mechanisms are very poorly developed and that he’s constantly trying to keep the peace and come off as pleasant while suppressing all of his negative emotions under a smile, only for things like anger and personal grudge to explode all at once at inopportune times (his punching of the Kaiser in 02 episode 19 being the most famous, but you can see traces of it emerging even beforehand in 02 episodes 11 and 13 whenever things get a bit too personal, to the point it almost jeopardizes his ability to help Hikari in the latter). Hence, why the positive development for Takeru by the end of 02 involves him becoming someone who’s better able to express his thoughts and feelings with the help of Iori, who, despite being younger than him, is also significantly more blunt and straightforward.

Hikari

Being tied to a Crest that’s linked to “life itself”, Hikari comes off as the sort of saintlike figure who has purity of heart all the way through and has nothing but peaceful thoughts about everything. However, a lot of her appearances in Adventure were heavily impacted by context -- other than the fact she was sometimes held back by illness, Hikari was otherwise portrayed as an ordinary playful and cheerful young girl, and there are multiple layers to her character added or enhanced in 02 that indicate that she’s not quite the saint that her archetype would suggest.

For one, like with Sora, we again see how “excessive selflessness” can actually lead to self-destruction if left unchecked: Taichi states outright in Adventure episode 48 that Hikari’s penchant for putting others before herself means that she won’t do anything for herself even if it results in self-harm. Hikari herself confirms this in 02 episode 31, stating outright that she compulsively cannot express her own feelings even if she wants to, to the point she’s outright jealous of Miyako for being able to do so. Because she’s so inclined to not burden others and to work for others’ sake instead, when something bad is about to happen to her and only her, such as the Dark Ocean-related incidents, she can’t bring herself to do anything and is forced to either rely on others’ help or simply resign herself to her fate.

That said, Hikari is also not characterized as someone who’s passive in general; because this passivity is tied to “excessive selflessness”, anytime the issue has to do with anyone else’s sake, she doesn’t hesitate and will even be firm in taking a stand. She’s so assertive that she even momentarily freaks Miyako out in 02 episode 18! In the end, it’s a textbook case of “it’s easier to do it when it’s for other people, but harder to do it when it’s for yourself, especially when doing it for yourself means bothering others,” and this is also something that had dated back as early as Adventure, when she’d made a lot of fairly independent decisions about things she felt strongly needed to be done, like giving herself up for everyone's sake in Adventure episode 36 (very much against her friends' will), or standing up for the Numemon in Adventure episode 49, or even being much quicker to accept the inevitable need to kill an enemy than the emotionally wrecked Miyako in 02 episode 44, because they’re all things she truly and strongly felt needed to be done for the sake of others.

Plus, it’s also not like Hikari’s such a pure-hearted, saintlike person who can do no wrong even at the base level -- 02 episode 6 indicates that she’s not above toying with Daisuke’s feelings for her in order to get what she wants, and in general, the fact she’s aware he likes her but isn’t doing anything about it has both the nuances that she probably doesn’t want to hurt his feelings but is also capable of exploiting an extra level of leverage over him as well. The fact that Hikari is seen as “charming” gives her a certain degree of power of persuasion to get her way, and it seems she’s quite well aware of it...

As the younger sister of Adventure’s lead protagonist, Hikari’s often also stigmatized as having some kind of unhealthy fixation on her brother, or a brother complex (also a rather common anime trope among “younger sister” characters), but this kind of reading requires a huge amount of exaggeration and extracting the relevant lines out of context; at no point in Adventure or 02 is Taichi and Hikari’s relationship portrayed as particularly unusual relative to a reasonable level of concern a pair of siblings that get along should have, especially since any behavior that is particularly notable or unusual or dependent is strongly contextualized as having to do with the above issues regarding Hikari being potentially self-destructive if left to her own devices, and how both Taichi and Hikari react to it (hence why the problem is ultimately addressed most effectively by Miyako, who has no real personal stake in the siblings’ relationship).

Daisuke

Daisuke has been stated outright by Adventure and 02′s director Kakudou to have “the most anime-like personality”, and it is true that even going beyond his base profile, a lot of his characteristics are much closer to that of an idealistic shounen anime protagonist than Taichi’s are, including (as the article in question points out) that he’s a lot more “hot-blooded” on principle but suddenly loses his head when around a girl he likes. Past that, however, there’s a lot of depth going on that reveals that Daisuke is in fact quite the deceptive character.

The first thing you might realize after watching Daisuke closely enough is that while he may initially seem aggressive, he’s actually not very assertive or aggressive at all, especially in the earlier parts of the series. It's very common for the others to shut him down or overturn his opinions in the earlier parts of the series, no matter how much he may ostensibly seem argumentative about it -- he very quickly backs down, at worst seeming a bit irritated, or even going into full-on disappointment with “Oh...okay...” Hence, why Kakudou refers to him as being “prevented from doing very much in the first half,” because for the most part a lot of the decisions made by the group in said first half are made by the entire group in agreement more than they’re made by him specifically, and becoming someone who can make more firm statements is a major point of his growth throughout the series. The first major moment he’s able to do such a thing is 02 episode 20, where, despite everyone’s opposition, he continues to assertively put his foot down that he doesn’t want to pull back when doing so could result in more victims -- and that ultimately becomes the start of him starting to be more confident about doing things even when others disagree with him. Even when he does become more assertive, at no point is Daisuke ever said, in-universe, to be the “leader” of the 02 group as much as he’s simply the one giving them the drive to move forward while they all work things out as a group.

Beyond that, another point that comes out of this is that Daisuke is actually a very deeply emotional person, which means that he has very strong emotions in every direction, including those of empathy and kindness. In fact, similarly to Mimi, Daisuke’s “abrasiveness” and “lashing out” are more defensive than him ever going on the attack, since he usually does this when he feels like he’s being put on the spot, or insulted, or is suspicious. There’s a reason I like to compare him to a puppy with a louder bark than its bite -- said puppy might bark at anything it doesn’t like or understand, or get pouty and offended at times, but also will immediately switch to open adoration or genuinely wanting to make you happy, and that’s also Daisuke in a nutshell. You may notice that he never, ever says anything condescending towards others nor does he dunk on them without reason, and 02 episode 7 indicates that if he realizes he’s stepped over the line, he won’t hesitate to apologize -- something that Taichi, who often veered into the insensitive, was rather bad at doing. Moreover, whenever something deeply hurts him, he also becomes genuinely, truly upset about it -- see him openly weeping over Wallace’s problems in Hurricane Touchdown despite having just met and bickered with him, and him being very audibly on the verge of tears during the situations in 02 episodes 20, 26, and 43 (Kiuchi Reiko’s acting especially brings this out). He’s a dramatic person with an extreme emotional reaction to everything, and that often means blowing small things out of proportion, but it also means that he really, truly does feel for others and care about things with large stakes.

In addition, someone who’s this sort of “hot-blooded” would usually also be portrayed as self-absorbed and arrogant, but Daisuke reveals as early as 02 episode 8 that he’s actually extremely humble -- he knows when he’s out of depth, acknowledges when others are better than him (such as knowing even from the very beginning that he was likely to lose against Ken and the Tamachi team), and actually just enjoys being around others on sheer principle. Read between the lines and you’ll realize that a lot of his behavior actually comes not from arrogance but rather insecurity -- he doesn’t expect anyone to adore or respect him, rather, he ends up running himself in circles trying to impress others (especially Hikari) because he wants the validation of them considering him cool. Hence why he never looks down on anyone nor insults anyone, because he’s much more confident in their awesomeness, and every time he’s around elders or respected seniors, he immediately takes a much more well-behaved and respectful tone in general. For all it’s worth, he’s a pretty deferential person, and has a genuine appreciation for even the little things in life, which is why he’s okay with running a ramen cart in the future -- sure, it’s not super-flashy as a career, but it makes him happy, and that’s all he wants.

So in other words, Daisuke likes people, and he likes his friends a lot; it’s just that his tendency to need validation from others, combined with his emotional tendencies to get really dramatic about everything, makes for a surface temperament where this isn’t immediately apparent. Even his original motivation for fighting comes not from liking fighting, but from his frustration that he wasn’t strong enough to protect others three years prior (also reiterated in the Adventure novels). In the end, pretty much everything he does comes from a desire to protect others and help them, which means that he of course resents those who hurt others, and it’s why he takes Ken exploiting his otherwise admirable abilities for harmful purposes so personally in 02 episode 8. Hence why Kakudou described him as having no evil in him, and that “the only thing bad about him is his head” (i.e. he’s not very smart) -- because once you get past the initial abrasiveness, he’s extremely friendly, all-loving, and loyal, and he isn’t malicious nor does he hold significant grudges.

Even Daisuke’s penchant for being “an idiot” is played a bit differently from the usual, because it’s consistently shown to be a byproduct of the fact that he’s “simple-minded” and doesn’t do well with complex thinking or overthinking, which, in many ways, is an asset as much as it’s a drawback. It means that he doesn’t do well with complex problems and isn’t very intellectual, and it also means that he gets overly suspicious at things that aren’t what they seem or aren’t being straightforward (which is why he initially gets so antsy around Takeru and Wallace, especially the latter, whom he was suspicious of before he started flirting). But it also means that he won’t easily get distracted by platitudes or overthinking, which, during situations where the simplest answer is the correct one, will sometimes conversely result in him being the smartest person in the room. Being so simple-minded gives him a certain degree of pragmatism; while everyone else is getting caught up in moralistic issues of forgiveness or non-forgiveness, Daisuke, who doesn’t get hung up on things like grudges, becomes the most open-minded towards Ken because he practically observes that Ken is not causing problems anymore and thus should be allowed to take responsibility for his mistakes, and also successfully dissuades Ken from recklessly throwing away his life in 02 episode 26 because, as “symbolic” as that kind of penance might be, it’s also very unproductive and will make things worse for everyone. It’s also why he’s one of the first to emotionally come to terms with the potential necessity for killing enemies in 02 episodes 25 and 43; it’s not like he enjoys it, but he’s the first to point out that if they hadn’t done it, even more victims would have been taken.

And as for Daisuke’s interest in Hikari: it’s basically there as a character note as to how Daisuke will completely lose his brain cells and bend over backwards when he’s trying to impress someone he has on a pedestal, and it becomes completely irrelevant to the plot and not even brought up after 02 episode 35, so while it’s not something that vanished completely (especially since it makes a return in post-02 material), it’s also treated as an example of one the many weird hangups that Daisuke will put aside when other things become more important, and an ultimately fairly shallow thing that he hasn’t thought through very clearly (he never directly asks Hikari out nor verbally expresses having a particular crush on her at any point in the series because he’s so wishy-washy about it, which is why she’s so easily able to dodge it), rather than a guiding part of the narrative or his character.

Interestingly, Daisuke’s unusual position as a shounen lead is hinted at even in franchise meta; you might notice he’s the only lead Digimon protagonist to be so heavily associated with blue instead of the warm colors of orange or red, and when you think about it, despite having Taichi’s goggles and supposedly having the “hot-blooded” personality, you could draw just as many parallels between him and Yamato, who’s also friendly behind all of the initial awkwardness and is also a passionately emotional person.

Ken

Really, the single most unusual thing about Ken’s character and his character arc is the fact that such a plotline even exists in the first place. How many series would take the main antagonist of the first half (not an underling, but the actual primary antagonist) and not only reform them but also turn them into the best friend of the protagonist for the second half? And not even in a “begrudging edgelord rival” sense, but legitimately the person who becomes a straightforward best friend with no standoffishness and full-on social-life supportiveness to the protagonist?

In any case, the entire concept of the Kaiser and his story is unusual even from the get-go -- we’re initially introduced to him as an “evil genius”, which is a common villain archetype because it’s very terrifying to have an enemy who’s one step ahead of you, but the Kaiser ends up being rather pathetic -- he’s constantly losing territory to a group of elementary school students, his “tactical abilities” have no real sense of scale beyond a soccer field sort of affair, he’s incredibly petty and will make irrational decisions just because his pride was wounded (see 02 episode 8), and seems to have no real long-term goal besides conquest for the sake of it. Eventually, 02 episode 20-21 reveals that he’d been doing this entire thing because he’d thought the entire thing was a game -- in short, he wasn’t taking this seriously at all, and the entire affair had been tantamount to an eleven-year-old throwing a tantrum.

The point being made here is that the facade of the so-called “evil genius” is significantly less brilliant than it’s made out to be, and, actually, when you think about it, Ken’s initial reformation is mostly kickstarted by himself and Wormmon moreso than it is the other Chosen Children, because while they’re there to drive the nail in, Ken had already been emotionally falling apart and realizing he wasn’t cut out for this for the entirety of the last handful of episodes, and it was ultimately his own realization and mental breakdown that did the honors -- the other kids were really mostly doing cleanup duty at the time, and Daisuke’s influence on him is more important to his process of healing than it was the initial calling it quits. Moreover, as we get to see Ken more in his proper element in the latter half of the series, it becomes apparent that the “true personality” of Ken is actually the more assertive, level-headed one, whereas the Kaiser was the childish and fragile facade; Ken is significantly more comfortable being in his normal element to begin with, and he’s not standoffish or edgy because he doesn’t even like being condescending. If anything, the Kaiser was a manifestation of him forcing himself into an uncomfortable mold in an attempt to emulate his brother, so of course he isn’t going to feel comfortable doing that once all is said and done.

While Ken in the second half does initially express some traits that can be misconstrued as standoffishness, because he’s significantly more level-headed and assertive in this state, it becomes clear that he’s not doing this because he looks down on the others or anything; it’s just that he has very strong opinions on what he thinks needs to be done, and he doesn’t hesitate to explain why he feels this way when he’s asked (he says outright in 02 episode 25 that he believes they shouldn’t be responsible for cleaning up his mess). 02 takes a stance of favoring the concept of “taking responsibility for one’s mistakes” over “penance and punishment”, so even though Ken himself does have moments of devaluing his own life due to his sins (such as in 02 episode 26), ultimately, he states that his primary goal is to fix the mess he started, and he’s not averse to working with the others for the sake of that goal. If he does initially push the others away, it’s simply because he thinks he’s burdening them too (and, likely, that he doesn’t feel he has the right to be around them), but even when he’s at his most irrational about this in 02 episode 30, he turns out to be fairly capable of being reasoned with in pretty short order. So he’s not standoffish or “edgy” just for the sheer sake of it nor for drama, and it’s why he ends up on a very conciliatory relationship with Daisuke and the others by the end of the series, with very little, if at all, in common with the usual “rival” archetype you’d expect in this kind of series.

Considering that Ken is characterized as “kind” and “soft”, it’s easy to not realize that he’s actually one of the most assertive people in the group, and more so than Daisuke (note that he never seems to be all that easily intimidated even when the universe seems out to get him, and in 02 episode 29 he even offers to do the “dirty work” of potentially having to kill an enemy in lieu of the other kids if push comes to shove because he knows they’re uncomfortable with it). Although the issue of the Dark Seed makes it ambiguous as to how much of his turn into the Kaiser was supernatural interference and how much of it was himself, either way, the series doesn’t try to absolve Ken of his sins just because there was something extra pushing him over the edge -- again, the series operates less on “fault” than it does “responsibility” -- and when you look at these kinds of traits, you realize that the Kaiser existed because Ken had always been capable of this kind of aggressiveness, he just doesn’t do it because he doesn’t want to unless it’s necessary, nor does he like it. It’s also why he banters so playfully with Daisuke in most post-02 material -- like many of the other characters in this narrative, being “soft and kind” doesn’t mean he’s necessarily a saint, he’s just someone who willfully chooses to be a good person for the most part.

Miyako

Miyako is a character who has a lot going on with her at once, having a ton of traits that you normally wouldn’t see combined into one character because they usually occupy separate archetypes (and, in a textbook case of reality being a lot less clear-cut than fiction, she’s the one character out of this group said explicitly to be based off a specific person). The fact she’s outwardly aggressive may make you think of the “badass action girl” type, but she’s also the kind who gushes over hot guys and fits the stereotypes of the “materialistic girly-girl”, and on top of that she’s a computer specialist working under Koushirou who begs the image of a “nerd girl”, and, unlike all of these archetypes, she’s a rather sloppy mess of a person who ends up loudly running her mouth, being prone to panic, and spitting out the first thing on her mind without restraint. On top of that, these traits tend to mix easily, so as much as she’s in-your-face about trying to physically fight things, she’s also the kind who’ll aggressively hug or dote on anyone she likes (which is a lot of people). Miyako is closer to the shounen brash hero archetype than even Taichi or Daisuke are, and yet is also closer to the “materialistic girly-girl” archetype than Mimi is at the same time.

Much like Koushirou, the part about being good with computers is much less of a prominent part of her character arc than you might initially think -- she herself doesn’t actually bring it up much during the course of the series, and, much like computers are an outlet for Koushirou to follow his thirst for knowledge and insatiable curiosity, Miyako’s connections with computers and tech have a lot to do with how she constantly goes out of her way to be helpful to others, such as being helpful to Koushirou as his junior, or helping out Iori’s mother with their computer (02 episode 1), or helping Yamato’s band (02 episode 29), or getting to do something helpful for the group in general (Diablomon Strikes Back). She’s not particularly show-offy or even all that fixated the actual subject as much as she’s proud of the fact she got to do something helpful and useful, and it ties deeply into her personal struggle with how to be capable of doing good for others when she’s actually not the striking image of a mature, put-together person who would usually be good at that kind of thing.

Miyako is consistently portrayed as having a complex about her “aggressive” tendencies -- she negatively compares herself to Mimi (02 episode 14) and Hikari (02 episode 31), on the grounds that she’s less put-together and more insensitive than them, and labels herself a “bad partner” for being such a sloppy person (02 episode 18). She does not want people to get hurt because of her actions, especially because whenever she loses grip on herself like this, that’s something that’s very liable to happen (which is exactly what happens with Hawkmon in 02 episode 18), and her tendency to be judgmental or to have no brain-to-mouth filter means she can be occasionally insensitive (see 02 episode 31). She even ends up fostering an idea that Hikari must be thinking of her badly, while she’s at it (02 episode 31)!

The end result of Miyako’s character arc is that, while she ends up needing to adjust the more negative aspects of her personality that involve causing trouble for others and being insensitive, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she has to completely change her personality to accommodate that. Hawkmon assures her in 02 episode 18 that he likes her the way she is, and, as it turns out, Hikari and Miyako both realize in 02 episode 31 that Miyako’s in-your-face, aggressive personality is very helpful when dealing with someone who’s so closed-in and repressive like Hikari, because it means Miyako has the right temperament to go out of her way and reach out to her despite how high of a hurdle that would normally be. On top of that, a consistent thread from the beginning of the series is that her over-the-top antics bring the group proper cheer, with the kids genuinely enjoying the vibrance she brings with her dramatic Digital Gate entrances, and multiple significant scenes indicating that her being dramatic and silly will make people laugh and be happy. So in other words, Miyako is capable of being emotionally supportive and helpful while also being her aggressive and messy self, and there’s no need for her to have to change herself drastically to resolve the supposed “contradiction” that one might initially think this poses.

Miyako’s also generally the first female character billed in 02 (mainly because Hikari’s returning from Adventure), but she isn’t particularly teased as having any romantic relationship with Daisuke; not that they don’t have a compelling rapport, but any idea of them having any real feelings for each other isn’t exactly stated to any significant degree over the course of the series. Miyako herself comments on multiple people being attractive over the course of the series, and it’s interesting in how this is played; the earlier parts of the series involve her completely losing her head and getting weirdly hung up and fixated on her targets of attraction to the point of getting derailed over more important matters (see 02 episodes 6, 8, 14), whereas she’s later able to express this in a lot more straightforward of a manner without being weird about it (02 episodes 38, 39), and so in the end, it’s not exactly a fundamental sin for Miyako to be open about the concept of attraction, especially as it ends up not really having a huge place in the overall narrative, which is consistent with Adventure and 02 not really treating romance or attraction as if it’s such a game-changer for these kids at this point in their lives.

Iori

Iori is the youngest in this entire group of twelve, and yet carries himself with a sense of maturity that goes far beyond his age, to the point he even comes off as one of the most mature in the 02 group despite being younger than all of them by a significant margin. Even taking into account the concept of the “precocious kid”, however, Iori’s not only polite but also very stoic and stern, meaning he often can come up with some really passive-aggressive or stern remarks (completely in polite Japanese). Of this entire group, the youngest one is the most likely to completely roast you with some well-timed statements.

However, one important fact to keep in mind is that Iori isn’t doing this because he’s “naturally” stoic or emotionless, but because he’s deliberately suppressing himself in an attempt to be well-behaved. (A really big clue in the Japanese version that Iori’s facade is “slipping” is that he ends up losing his composure and using casual Japanese instead of the polite form that he so constantly adheres to.) This is something that partially comes from his upbringing from his family, especially his grandfather, but even said grandfather is concerned that he’s a bit overkill in this regard (see 02 episode 6). By all means Iori should be allowed to express himself a bit more freely, but he keeps restraining himself and trying to be well-behaved in front of all of these elders that he develops a complex over the one time he allowed himself to act excited and cheerful in 02 episode 16, to the point the episode ends with Submarimon basically dragging him out on an undersea trip so he can enjoy something for once, dammit.

Iori is described as “clumsy at expressing himself as a child”, and 02 depicts the problem that comes out of the flip side of a young child being so mature that they have more comfortable company with older kids than kids their own age: Iori is outright isolated from his peers because of how different his mentality is from theirs (02 episode 3), and moreover, his stubborn insistence on doing things a certain way to the point even his grandfather thinks he’s overdoing it is, in fact, his own way of being “childish”. He’s basically trying to follow the honorable principles he wants to follow from his family, but taking them to their logical extreme because his view of the world is too simple-minded from his lack of life experience. Hence, why he develops such a black-and-white view of morality trying to categorize people into boxes of “good” and “evil”, and why he ends up trying to follow principles to pretty impractical extremes such as thinking that a single white lie is going to send him on a path to moral debauchery. In short, he’s a young child trying to deal with very abstract concepts much bigger than him, and dealing with it in a very simple-minded, overly reductive way befitting that of someone his age.

However, one thing Iori does acknowledge is that he’s probably not going about this the right way, and that he needs to understand more about others if he wants to do better. From the very beginning of the series, Koushirou (02 episode 2) identifies him as someone who has a “curious mind” like himself, but while he initially expects Iori to be like him in terms of being curious about the Digital World, Iori’s “curiosity” ends up manifesting more in terms of wanting to know about how humans work and what’s the right thing to do. This is how he ends up breaking through to the very convoluted and repressive Takeru, because he has the drive to poke through Takeru’s many layers and figure out what’s going on with him, and it’s how he eventually manages to become more open-minded about the issues surrounding Ken and Oikawa despite initially having been so hostile to them. All things considered, “understanding morality” is a pretty heavy burden for someone who’s supposed to be the designated kid character!

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #shihameta

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asset35-maya · 3 years ago

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RED DRESS

Part 2/2 of Nice Things

“Come on, we’re going to be late.”

“Five minutes, sweetheart. Please.”

Gavin rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed with a thump. The day had finally come when the human was more punctual than the android. He sniggered at the thought but refrained from saying it out loud. Nines looked far more serious than he ought to for a Friday night.

“Babe, it’s just the guys. And Tina.”

Nines ignored him in favor of twirling a mascara wand through his lashes.

“We’re literally going to Abick’s. That’s like the oldest, grungiest cop bar you can-”

“It’s not the place or the company, sweetheart.”

Gavin watched Nines finish off with eyeliner. Somehow even androids’ mouths hung open in concentration while doing that.

He stood up from the little pouffe and shook his long hair out with a flourish. Taking that as his cue, Gavin got up and pressed himself up against his lover’s back. He curled his arms around Nines’ trim waist and rested his chin on his shoulder.

Their eyes met in the mirror of the wooden dresser that Gavin had built for Nines.

“Whatchu so gorgeous for?”

Nines tried, but couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.

“Shut up and zip me up.”

It wasn’t like he couldn’t reach behind himself and do it on his own. The RK900 model was supremely dexterous, flexible to the point of double-jointedness.

It was more of an implicit request for the human’s approval of the outfit. Nines didn’t need it, but he asked anyway… just like later that night, Gavin would ask him if it was okay to splurge on a bacon cheeseburger or order an extra shot in his whiskey coke…

They were codependent like that.

Gavin left one hand on the android’s stomach and placed the other on the small of his back, just at the opening of the dress. His thumb grazed the zipper, but he didn’t demonstrate any further intent to pull it up.

��You said we were going to be late.”

Gavin swept the dark curtain of hair aside and pressed his lips to the exposed skin at the nape of Nines’ neck. When he spoke it was a whisper.

“Why’s my babydoll looking like something out of a movie for my dumb little promotion party?”

His hand slipped into the open flap of the dress. It was a simple knee-length a-line. Fairly modest, but something about it set Gavin’s heart racing. Perhaps the colour. A vibrant, lusty, sexy, show-stopping red in sharp contrast to the milky white synthskin.

Nines couldn’t help the gasp that escaped him at the touch. Sighing, he tipped his head back and let Gavin nuzzle his neck.

“Hmm?”

“Now we’re really going to be late, sweetheart. Zip… hhhhh… zip… me up…”

“Come on, doll. I don’t want someone accidentally spilling beer or mustard on this pretty little thing you got on. It’s just gonna be a chill night out with our friends. They demanded a treat for my promotion, and Hank said he’d come too, so I picked a place he’d be more comfortable at, and I realise that’s not exactly your scene, but I’m glad you’re coming with me, but I really gotta say this dress-”

Nines turned around in Gavin’s grasp and silenced him with a kiss.

“It’s not the place or the company,” he repeated, putting his arms around the human’s neck.

“It’s your promotion party. It’s about your achievements, your hard work, YOU. And in case you haven’t noticed, you’re the most important person in my life. My partner in more ways than one. My everything.

Your rise in stature means as much if not more to me than my own accomplishments. I’m not the RK900 with the impeccable solve rate. I’m Sergeant Reed’s better half.

If I had it my way we’d be doing something much grander, but this is how you want to celebrate and that’s fine, but please don’t stop me from dressing for the occasion.”

They looked at each other for a long moment. Steel blue and storm green locked in stalemate.

Then Gavin pulled Nines into a tight embrace. He released him abruptly and spun him around, zipping up the dress in a flash. Avoiding eye contact lest the tears pricking his eyes betray him, Gavin caught the android’s hand in his and marched out of the apartment.

Connor greeted them at the entrance of the bar and waved them over to where the motley crew sat, already well into their first round of drinks.

Hank raised his beer glass in greeting, wearing an orange striped shirt he apparently deemed worthy of festivities. Tina enveloped Gavin in a giant hug. For a good thirty seconds he could see nothing but flannel. Then Miller, Person and countless other officers took turns congratulating him and bringing up past cases or incidents they couldn’t believe hadn’t held Gavin’s career back.

Nines extricated himself with an artful wave of long fingers and settled onto a bar stool beside his older brother Sixty and his husband Allen. Serious, snarky and clad in their usual black leather, these two were more Nines’ speed.

Ignoring Sixty’s irritated grumble, Nines took a sip of his thirium drink to see if he liked the taste and ordered one for himself. He was prepared to spend the rest of the night sitting still and not touching the many sticky, greasy surfaces in the bar. It wasn’t his idea of fun, but he was happy to let Gavin and his friends do their thing.

Gavin, however, didn’t seem to be in the mood. He humoured his friends (many of whom were now his direct reports) and played along with whatever they insisted on doing, but Nines felt his partner’s eyes on him the entire evening.

“You punishing him?”

“Hmm?”

Sixty was squinting at him shrewdly.

“For coming to this shithole to celebrate. That’s why you wore this? Poor bastard can’t keep his eyes off you.”

Nines swatted his brother on the chest.

“I don’t play games like you.”

“Who says I play games?”

Allen shook his head but didn’t look up from his phone.

“I have a fashion sense, Six, not an agenda. I’m not punishing him for anything.”

“Well, you’re certainly distracting him. Reminds me of the time Allen said something stupid while we were getting ready for a shift so I put on lingerie underneath my gear. He nearly fell off a roof that day.”

Allen buried his face in his hands while Nines laughed out loud.

“Shiiit. Your guy looks fucking lovesick. In front of all his staff too. They’re gonna think he’s a total sap. A new authority figure like him has got to show some grit.”

“Six, your husband follows you around like a lost puppy but that hasn’t interfered with his ability to lead your unit. Gavin will be fine.”

Allen didn’t know whether to consider that an insult or a compliment and settled for sipping his drink in silence.

“So what are you gonna do?”

“To?”

“Make the torture worth his while.”

At that exact moment, Gavin gave Nines a look from across the bar that could have only one interpretation. Sixty noticed and barked a laugh.

Nines self-consciously tucked his hair behind his ear and smoothed down his dress. If he were human he’d have blushed bright red.

Back to idly scrolling through his phone, Allen spoke without looking up.

“Let him do whatever he wants.”

Nines’ eyes widened. Sixty nodded wisely.

“His imagination is probably running all over the place right now. All you have to do is let him act on it and you’ll make him the happiest man on earth. It’s his promotion. You should be the prize.”

Allen put down his phone and scooted closer to Sixty, wrapping his arms around the android. They both looked at Nines with identical expressions that were anything but innocent.

“Yeah, Nines. Dress like a present, expect to be unwrapped.”

Raucous cheers erupted as Gavin lost yet another game of beer pong. The new sergeant barely noticed and took the shot glass thrust into hand by a very jubilant Connor. Nines raised his glass in a silent toast and the two downed their drinks together.

The rest of the evening was an exercise in painful self-restraint. Gavin entertained various playful requests and posed for photos and thanked each and every one of his colleagues for their strong support. Hank clapped him on the shoulder proudly, and Tina even teared up at one point, emotionally overcome with happiness for her oldest and closest friend. Nines watched it all quietly from his perch beside Sixty and Allen.

As soon as they slid into an autonomous taxi, Gavin’s lips were on his, smothering him in heated, demanding kisses. Intoxicated and utterly uninhibited, the human put his hands in Nines’ hair… all over his body… and up the pretty red dress. No words were exchanged the entire ride home.

The fact that android skin could not be marked or bruised was the only thing that let them walk through their busy lobby and ride the elevator up with dignity intact.

As soon as the front door slammed shut, Gavin was all over Nines. He touched and groped and claimed and conquered.

The dress zipper was pulled down as quickly as it had been pulled up before they left for the bar. Nines stepped out of the puddle of red fabric as delicately as he could and pulled Gavin’s shirt off too. It was only the high quality gyroscope of the RK900 model that kept them from crashing to the floor before making it to the bed.

Nines allowed himself to be pushed onto the bed and parted his legs for Gavin to easily settle between them. From there, he expected things to go at lightning speed… for Gavin to plough into him and come with a loud roar after a couple minutes, finally sated after a night of frustration.

The exact opposite occurred.

Even after all the tequila shots Connor and Tina made him do, Gavin was somehow still lucid enough to put his lover’s feelings over immediate physical needs.

“Babe, I… am soooo… sorry…”

One hand wound up in his hair and the other gripped his hip.

“Like.. you dressed the phck up… like you looked soooooo damn beautiful, baby… I’m gonna cry.”

For a moment, it honestly looked like that was a possibility until Nines reached up and stroked the human’s stubbled cheek.

“I know Abick’s is kinda crusty but you came anyway… looking like a million bucks but I didn’t spend a second with you… T and Con and the crew… they kinda took over…”

“It’s fine, sweetheart. It was our whole team’s night as much as yours. I’m glad they all had their fun.”

“I didn't. Have any fun.”

“Really? Not even when Chris did that Fowler impersonation?”

“Couldn’t stop… thinking of you… you’re so damn good to me… and I…”

“I was fine. You invited Six and Allen to keep me company and it was fiiiineee.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. Now come on, sarge. Show me who’s boss.”

Nines rolled his hips against Gavin’s and that was all the conversation there was to be had for the night. They were both still getting used to having nice things… but they were doing well.

Inspired by @marndraws

#reed900 #rk900 #dbh rk900 #dbh nines #dbh gavin #gavin reed #gavin900 #gavin x rk900 #gavin x nines #background allen60 #long haired nines #red dress #tooth rotting fluff

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floralseokjin · 4 years ago

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⤑ made-up love song drabbles

First date: Seokjin’s POV

kim seokjin x reader warnings; none! words; 2,196 words

↪︎ read the series here / and drabbles here

Seokjin felt like a drink. It was nine o’clock in the morning, so absolutely out of the question, but it didn’t stop him from craving it. Whiskey. Definitely whiskey. Nana’s PA had just been to pick up Arin for the weekend – Thank God. Finally she would be able to spend time with her mom after a month, which he was over the moon about, and selfishly, that meant his date with you could go ahead. Even if he was so nervous he could throw up.

Work had been a great distraction for the past two days but once he’d woken up this morning the realisation had dawned on him. He was going on a date tonight. His first in a decade. He still couldn’t believe he’d actually gone through with it and asked you to dinner. He’d faced his fears, possibly made a fool of himself and shared too much about his personal life in the process, but you hadn’t seemed to mind at all. You were so easy to talk to, it was refreshing. He’d felt brave for the first time in months – years. But it still didn’t stop him from being on pins as soon as he’d opened his eyes this morning.

He’d showered early, just after Arin had woken up and then he’d helped her get ready for the day too, allowing her to eat her breakfast in front of the television as he tried to swallow down his bowl of porridge too. It tasted like cardboard – but then again, it might have been his cooking. Misook usually made the food around her, when he wasn’t dining out or ordering take out of course.

Arin had noticed his strange mood straight away. Obviously.

“Daddy, what’s wrong with you this morning?” She’d asked, looking over at him warily before hesitating. “I am spending the weekend with mom, right?”

“Of course you are, sweetie” he’d rushed, shaking away the surge of anger he’d felt. It pained him to know she was always expecting the worst lately. “Your mom just text me to say Jia is on her way.”

She’d smiled then, her face lighting up and he couldn’t help but match it, his nerves disappearing for a while. That was until he was left all alone, the house now empty and silent. He eyed the bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter (where he’d left it after his small nightcap last night) and shook his head. He should drop you a text, just to check in and see if you were still on for tonight. He needed to find out what time to pick you up anyway. He probably should have messaged you the day before, he panicked suddenly, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled his phone from his sweatpants pocket. Oh well, there was no time for regrets, that’s what his father always said.

It took him at least ten minutes to figure out what to say. His first draft sounded too cheerful, too false, he was trying way too hard and had added an examination point. His second was too formal, fifteen years of sending business emails back and forth obvious. He settled on something in the middle – he hoped.

Unknown (9:32am) Hi Y/N, It’s Kim Seokjin, Arin’s father. Just wondering if you still want to have dinner tonight? If so, please let me know and I will send through the restaurant details. We can decide on a time for me to pick you up. Regards, Seokjin

Only, reading it back after he hit send he began to second guess himself. Of course you knew who he was, his confidence might be lacking a little right now but he knew he wasn’t totally forgettable. What an idiot. Not that he could do much, there was no turning back. He’d committed.

He busied himself with a bit of Saturday morning cleaning while he waited for your reply, and by that he meant straightening up the pillows he and Arin had been sitting against earlier. When he returned to the kitchen, your message was waiting for him.

You (9:43am) Of course, send the details. I trust your taste!

See, exclamation points suited you. It was cute. He could just imagine you saying it in person, your dazzling smile, maybe that little giggle you’d made a few times on Wednesday. He felt something warm in his chest as he got lost in his thoughts, nerves easing once again. You were excited for tonight, he told himself. Maybe you were even just as nervous as him possibly…

He spent yet another few minutes composing his reply. A lot more casual this time, signing off with just his name. He didn’t always text like this, Namjoon could vouch for him, but he didn’t think you were both quite there yet. He wanted to show his best self after all. He wanted to impress you. He wanted to make you like him as much as he liked you.

Seokjin (9:50am) The sudden pressure… The restaurant’s name is KIM. I hope you like it. Is 7 alright to pick you up? I made reservations for 7:30. Seokjin

In truth, this restaurant was one he co-owned with his brother. Seokchul was the executive chef and they were both very proud of how successful their business venture had become. He knew taking you to such a place might seem like a cop-out – or worse, a brag – but that wasn’t the case at all. He wanted to treat you in a place that meant a lot to him. He could have chosen multiple restaurants, he was a regular at quite a few and could easily get a great table, but see, that did seem like he was showing off and he did not want to give you that impression at all. It was the complete opposite of his personality. KIM was a good choice, he was sure of it, and it helped that his brother didn’t work weekends, so there was no risk of bumping into him. Although, he had let him know about the date (and had begged him not to spill to their mother).

You (9:52am) I will. 7 sounds perfect. I’ll send through my address. See you later!

You followed up with a Google Maps link to your home, and he sent a quick thank you – sans his name this time. With a quick sigh he pocketed his phone again, it was time to get on with his day. He had some paperwork from yesterday to complete by Monday morning so he should probably make a start. He stopped to order a light lunch at midday, ate it as he scrolled through his very limited social media before getting back to it.

He called it a day around 3pm, a call from his mom interrupting his flow. He spent an hour talking, their weekend phone calls were habitual by now and he enjoyed them immensely. He loved his father of course, but their conversations mostly revolved around work. Despite stepping down as CEO three years ago, he was still a vital member of the company, and Seokjin continued to consult him at every opportunity and lean on him for support when things got stressful. With his mom, she was the woman he could still be a kid around. They could talk about anything and everything, but for her own benefit he left out his plans for tonight. He knew what she was like, she’d get way too excited and overwhelmed and before long she’d be sobbing down the line while simultaneously asking to meet you. She’d been wanting him to meet someone new for so long, much like Mrs. Shin. It was a surprise the two women weren’t conspiring behind his back.

No, he’d keep it a secret for now. If things went well tonight, then possibly his mother would get to find out. He wasn’t getting his hopes up though – or at least he was trying not to.

It was just after four when he got off the phone, too early to start getting ready just yet, so he sat in front of the television and tried to concentrate on a series he’d recently started. (It wasn’t going well. He was on about one episode a week out of a nine season TV show.) It was no use though, the nerves were rearing their ugly head again.

He decided to choose his outfit. Seokjin wasn’t much of a thinker when it came to fashion, he just grabbed whatever he saw first that morning, but tonight he wanted to at least put some effort in. After much deliberation he decided on a navy two piece paired with a white dress shirt. It wasn’t over the top, he thought, but nice enough to make that impression that was so very important to him. He kept his hair simple. He’d managed to squeeze in a haircut yesterday so it made things easier, but upon closer inspection in the mirror he noticed those pesky grey hairs of his glittering in the sunlight. He grimaced, worried now. He didn’t know your exact age yet, but it was obvious he was a few years older than you. He was no spring chicken, especially with those wrinkles around his eyes. He had been called handsome all his life, no stranger to it, but right now he was dubious.

He pushed his trivial concerns away and concentrated on the next decision. What car he would take. He didn’t want to go too flash – again with the showing off thing – so the Aston Martin was definitely off the cards. He hadn’t actually driven that one much, going through some sort of so-called midlife crisis when he’d bought it straight after his divorce, so he made a mental note to take it out next weekend. He decided on the Mercedes convertible (roof on, of course). It seemed like a suitable choice, not too flashy at all really. He didn’t want to run the risk of putting you off him or overwhelming you with showy displays. He was well aware of the differences between your lifestyles, not that he cared at all, but it didn’t stop him from understanding. The things that seemed slight to him could very well be enormous for you. He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, shape or form.

Shit, on second thoughts maybe his restaurant was a bad idea…

Seokjin was always punctual, he prided himself on it, but tonight it made him nervous. He’d said 7 but it had only just gone quarter to. He couldn’t very well stay in the car for fifteen minutes, you’d spot him out the window, so ever so slowly he opened his car door and stepped out, his heart thudding against his ribcage. He was sure he noticed his hand shaking as he closed it behind him. He was such a mess it was embarrassing.

You lived in a nice little neighbourhood, it seemed quiet, and he admired your pots of flowers in the patch of garden you had as he made his way up the path that led to your front door. He took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, adjusting his suit jacket as he waited for you to open up. It’s fine, Seokjin, he told himself. It’s just dinner. You’ve done much scarier things in your life. Pull yourself together, man.

A few seconds later the door opened in front of him and you came into view, looking as beautiful as ever. I’m fucked, he thought immediately.

“Hi,“ he forced himself to say as he smiled. He was probably staring but he couldn’t help himself. You looked stunning, your dress deep red in colour and incredibly flattering. His throat felt dry and he swallowed quickly.

“Hey,” you greeted back.

“You look beautiful,“ he couldn’t help but awe, hoping he wasn’t stepping out of line with his compliment.

"Thank you,” you smiled almost shyly. It was adorable. “You look…really good.“

He couldn’t help but burst out laughing at that, aware the sound was probably highly unfaltering, but he couldn’t help it. "I’ll take it. Thanks.” He tilted his head to the right then, composing himself. “Are you ready to go? I’m a bit early, I know. Sorry about that."

He really couldn’t tear himself away from your beauty, but luckily you didn’t seem to notice, busy nodding as you clutched your purse to your side. "I, uh… I would invite you in to kill time but my best friend’s embarrassing.” Your voice raised as you continued, your head turning slightly down the hallway.

He raised an eyebrow, a little confused, but he guessed said best friend was in the house somewhere? He smiled and shook his head. “It’s fine.”

As you stepped forward, a breath of a chuckle slipping from your throat, he moved to the side, outstretching his arm to let you lead the way. You accepted with a brief nod of your head, your gazes catching for a split second. God, you were gorgeous.

His nerves might have eased a tad, but his heart was still beating just as fast – if not more.

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

#seokjin fanfic #bts fanfic #mls:drabbles #fic:mls #floralseokjin:writings

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rouiyan · 4 years ago

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𝘐𝘛'𝘚 (𝘜𝘕)𝘊𝘖𝘕𝘋𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘖𝘕𝘈𝘓. [ 𝘭.𝘥𝘩 ]

⧏ hyuck’s installment of the undone at twenty-one collective ⧐

synopsis: where you and donghyuck realize that falling in love is not just a matter of time but of circumstances, impulsive decisions, and reckless emotions. well, mostly just reckless emotions. or in short, the two times you dumped him and the one time you didn't.

✧ lee donghyuck x (fem.) reader + bestfriend!lee jeno ✧ college au, slight enemies to loverz, fake dating au

✧ genres : angst, fluff, pining ✧ word count : 18.3k ✧ disclaimers : swearing

✧ author’s note — months in the making and it's finally here. please make yourself a cup of tea and get toasty in the sheets because this bitch is huge.

it was a valentine's dance, a stupid valentine's day dance, where lovers would go if they truly had nothing else to do. it was where elderly couples would boast of how long they'd been together, clichéd stories and all. you'd only gone because your best friend, jeno, had been in charge of the whole event to begin with. it made no sense to you, jeno was always a sucker for parties but not the sappy, cookies and streamers, no-alcoholic-beverages ones. he had said it was because he needed community service hours, something about how it would look like he genuinely cared for the community on paper, but sometime during the night while watching him excitedly put up the red and pink balloons, you realized that he actually enjoyed this. he enjoyed watching over the dance once it was in full swing and you saw how he'd let the smallest of smiles adorn his face as he refilled an empty pitcher of fruit punch.

but you knew the exact reason he held the dance in such high regards when he slipped from your presence as some slow song started to hum from the speakers and the fluorescent pink lights dimmed. you’ve been friends with jeno’s girlfriend for long enough to know that she was such a sweetheart. jaein was the type of girl that sent her grade reports back home to her parents and always had her location on. she was the type of girl that slept at eleven and declined frat party invites. she was just the girl that'd come to these types of parties and just the girl jeno deserved and loved. to nobody’s shock including your own, the two had started dating a few months back after being so obviously head over heels in love with each other for years.

while jeno had spent most of his time with you, he now spent an equal half with jaein and you weren’t all too sure what to do with the allotted free time. sure, busying yourself with studies was a good idea, not a very fun one though, so you resorted to attending the valentine’s dance jeno had set up, to support him as well as not to miss out on free food. jeno had tried, really, to get any one of his single (as in, ready to mingle) friends to come and try to woo you, but none had shown up, opting to go to more bustling parties than to babysit his lone best friend. none had shown up, except a specific brown-haired boy, with a shy smile and a lame excuse as to why he would choose to spend such a day here, of all places.

donghyuck. lee donghyuck. your polar opposite. to be fair though, you wouldn’t actually know all too well because you’d never particularly ventured to get to know him. every bit about him struck you as obnoxious and entirely unnecessary. he was this loud, boisterous enigma at your college, always sunshine and smiles and making people laugh at jokes that bordered between funny and offensive. you felt, no, you knew that he was no good. he was never committed in serious relationships, gaining labels such as being a ‘playboy,' and you doubted he ever had a serious conversation with anyone, much less himself. lee donghyuck was the moodmaker of your friend group and while that may rest peachy with others, you found it exhausting to have to always be in the mood to laugh at his jokes or else be deemed undeserving of his attention. truth be told, you thought he felt the exact same way towards you, seeing as how he never attempted to make conversation with you and how he simply acted like you didn't exist when in big groups. how wrong you were.

lee donghyuck was the last person on your mind when jeno had said to you absentmindedly that one of his friends could accompany you that night. jeno was clearly proud of this, with the knowledge of donghyuck's blatant crush on you, the matter being a secret to no one but yourself. donghyuck had really debated coming, not wanting to enforce one-on-one confrontations with you since he knew you disliked him a certain amount. but he also thought of all the things he could say to you, all the questions he'd been dying to ask since day one (all the questions that jeno hadn't begrudgingly answered already). for him, the whole day had been spent staring at jeno's simple text (hey, u should come keep y/n company at the dance) and tossing himself through his sheets, wondering if he should dare be bold and actually show up.

turns out, even after deciding to go, showing up had been an astonishing feat in itself for donghyuck, having spent the last hour and a half brushing and re-brushing his teeth, styling and restyling his hair, and choosing and rechoosing his outfit. he'd settled for simple black jeans, torn at the knees, a white tee topped with a black denim jacket and white sneakers, his hair split in the middle and almost stabbing at his eyes. he felt his heart speed up while reversing out of the driveway of his house, he felt his heart speed up as he thought of you while driving, and he felt his heart almost stop when he entered the venue, his eyes narrowing in on you and almost doubling over at how gorgeous you looked. leaning on the drinks table, you were donned in a simple satin blue slipdress with chunky sneakers to dress it down, one side of your hair was clipped back with some pearly accessories and your equally pearly bag sat atop the table behind you.

he took careful, calculated steps, stopping at the candy table to grab a lollipop, so as to seem like he wasn't beelining right towards you. stopping a few feet away from you and gaining your attention, he held out the heart-shaped lollipop, a shy "hi," slipping from his lips. you took the candy with a small thanks before fixating your gaze back on him and questioning his presence, "what brings you here?" though you knew the answer, you really doubted that jeno could convince donghyuck here without any willpower of his own. he bit down on his lower lip before giving out a shrug and untruthfully admitting that he, "had nothing else to do," and, "thought it would be a nice change, considering i really only attend frat parties."

taking the excuse as his word, you nodded slowly before telling him you didn't know if this was a good idea and that maybe you should just go because you didn't see much of a point in staying, completely missing the way his eyes rounded ever so slightly and how his lips twitched into a frown before he quickly fixed his expression. you were just about to turn away from him when his hands found themselves barely grazing your forearm, stopping you in your tracks so that he could voice out his inner worries, "i'm sorry if i'm making you uncomfortable but…i really would like to spend the night with you."

in his mind, he felt as if time slowed as he watched your hair rustle as you turned back around to face him, as your eyes flashed for a brief moment of consideration, and as you brought your hand up to his, effectively removing it from your arm before looking him straight in the eye to say, "okay."

donghyuck went through all the possible scenarios he'd thought up to come to a conclusion on what to say. he noted the way most people at the event were on the dance floor, slow dancing with a loved one, and thought it was a good place to start. meanwhile, you had traced his line of vision and interpreted his ideas, quickly saying, "no, we're not dancing," and effectively trashing his one and only plan rather abruptly. donghyuck's eyes nearly bulged out of his head and he made a mental note to not be so damn obvious in front of you. he took a quick glance at your lips and decisively tossed out the first thing that came to mind, "then, have you eaten yet?"

you shook your head lightly and he took from this to offer, "then how 'bout we go grab something to eat? my treat." you barely considered the situation upon hearing the last two syllables, replying with a "sounds good," quickly grabbing your bag. exiting the venue, you looked for jeno and saw that he was still busying around his girlfriend. you took it upon yourself to text him whilst on the way to dinner.

donghyuck felt light on his feet as he walked through the parking lot with you by his side. the cold air felt liberating on his skin but he noticed how you'd caged yourself within your arms, in attempts to ward off the wind. without thinking, he'd already shrugged off his jacket and propped it lightly over your shoulders. his confidence skyrocketed as you clutched the article of clothing tighter to your frame and muttered a small thanks. surprising even himself, he even replied with a, "no problem, you look good in it," his cheeks now flushing a bright red, the same color spreading to his ears.

not much else was said as he opened up the car door for you, gently pushing it shut after you were seated. you mentally cursed yourself for being so easily persuaded but moreover, the thoughts that filled your head were akin with 'since when was he such a gentleman?' and 'what's with him all of a sudden?' the air in the car smelled like fast food takeout and the cupholders held everything but a cup, miscellaneous items ranging from candy wrappers to spare change occupying the space instead. donghyuck entered beside you and noted your gazes, feeling slightly embarrassed. he put the car in reverse and placed an arm behind the head of your seat, his own head tilting as he backed out of the spot. without meaning to, you glanced over, only to be met with his side profile, jawline and all. it was no question that he was handsome, and though you never thought you would be actively thinking about it, you found yourself at the foot of his beauty, with many other girls by your side.

the whole ride there, you were texting jeno (even though he wasn’t texting back), making small jokes about how you've been kidnapped by the man he hired to accompany you and how he didn't even bother to tell you where the two of you were headed. it's odd because to this day, you still don't know what it was that compelled you to come along with him. perhaps it was really just the food, or maybe his sudden boyish charm, or mayhaps it was even the lollipop he held out to you, a shy smile lighting his face.

fifteen minutes later, the eerily quiet drive came to an end when he pulled into a spot on the side of an empty road, expertly parallel parking in the small space between two moderately sized trucks. before you could process his movements, his hand was on your arm again and he let out a small, "wait here," before he slid out the car and briskly walked to your side, opening up the door for you once again. stepping out, you took a look at the building before you that hosted a fancy restaurant, seemingly halfway empty. you found that odd, especially since it was valentine’s day, but you put into consideration that it was located on the side of town that no one really frequents.

“wow, when you said we were going to grab something to eat, i didn’t think it’d be fancy.” donghyuck felt a sense of pride in his chest as he opened yet another set of doors for you, replying back with sincerity. “i didn’t want to half-ass this… sorta date.” it felt weird coming out of his mouth, the word ‘date,’ even more so that the date was with you, but he caught the little quirk of your lips and he wondered if he really had to joke around all that much to get you to smile. on any other day where you’d hang out with the rest of the group, he’d never been able to get your still face to lift, no matter how many idiotic jokes he had to crack.

meandering in, the waiter sat the two of you at the table against the front window and you felt subconscious of the people walking by, peering in at the pair of you like they were window shopping. donghyuck saw the way you shifted, eyes glancing out the window every few seconds and he raised his hand to catch the waiter’s attention. “can we get another table, please?” after moving to a more secluded spot, you eyed donghyuck suspiciously before he bluntly said, “what? i didn’t wanna sit by the window.” the lie slipped easily past his lips and the almost overt hope that lined your irises diminished to a pointed look and eye roll.

the restaurant was dimly lit, with the only source of light being the candles lining the wall and atop each table, accompanied by a small rose in a clear vase. you’ve never been on a date somewhere this fancy, the boys you’ve dated in the past being utterly incompetent, for lack of a better word. and it’s not like a fancy dinner was what you’d epitomize as a ‘good’ date, you’ve just never been pampered in a way that made it seem like you were of importance. somehow though, the way donghyuck laid his eyes on you, with care and genuine curiosity, you couldn’t help but feel… important to him, for whatever reason he hadn’t graced you with yet.

you didn’t question him as he ordered a pasta and a steak, getting the feeling that this wasn’t the first time he’s been here. “so this is where you take all the girls, i’m assuming?” donghyuck’s eyebrows shot into this hairline, clearly not expecting such a question from you. he cleared his throat before voicing, “only the ones i like a lil' more.” you scrunched your nose in distaste at his dating habits but you didn’t say anything else. he seemed to catch up on this as he fervently picked up the exchange once again, “not that you’re one of them.” this caught you off guard, pursing your lips slightly before disregarding the thought from your mind. donghyuck thought he’d said too much but it looked as if you were already past the topic, moving your hands to unfurl the provided cloth and laying it upon your lap. he did the same as he searched your expression in attempts to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable within his presence.

donghyuck didn’t think much of the girls he dated. they were fleeting, he knew that much. and he also knew that they simply paled in comparison to you, mere pastimes while he waited out for his chance with his actual love interest. he’d never thought that you’d express dislike towards the way he chose to date around instead of committing but now that his mind was on the matter, he felt ashamed that he didn’t even seem remotely your type. donghyuck saw this in the way you always stuck to jeno, even in a platonic sense, and how your eyes always seemed to gravitate to guys that were more or less just…better than him. he knew relatively little about your love life, though he knew for a fact that you were currently single, and (from jeno) that you had dumped all the guys you’d dated before. even just liking you, he felt immense pressure and the impotent need to impress you whenever and wherever. with that in mind, he took a second to breathe before trying, at the very least, to show you his potential.

donghyuck initiated casual conversation while the two of you waited on the food to arrive, doing his best not to seem overly enthusiastic or like he was trying to make you laugh. he kept the usual over-the-top jokes out of the air and focused solely on getting closer to you, asking questions like, “how are your classes?” or “when’s your birthday?” and giving minimum effort to reply when you’d ask the same question back. he spent most of his brain power memorizing your answers, subconsciously scheming when he could put the information to use, before popping the question he’d been wanting to ask all night, “then, what’s your type?”

“mm, like looks-wise or personality-wise?”

“hmm, how ‘bout...both?”

“then, looks-wise, well first off someone that dresses well. i think things like facial features and body build don’t matter all that much but the way someone dresses or like, presents themselves, shows a lot about them.”

“so like, any particular style?”

“nothing particular, but nothing over the top. i think they just have to look put together and just…feel confident in what they wear. if that makes sense.”

donghyuck’s pleased with your answer, and by the way he was nodding at you, you continued your thoughts.

“personality-wise, just someone who knows what they want and someone that’s willing to put in effort to get what they want, i think that’s important.”

his eyes were just about sparkling when you finished and you wanted to ask him if he felt okay but instead shot back the same question he had asked you, not wanting to come off as fussy. “what about you? what’s your type?”

donghyuck didn’t miss a beat when he blurted out, “you.”

the waiter interrupted the moment by placing two plates (or rather platters) of food onto the table, but donghyuck could see, between the waiter’s arms, the way you bit back a smile. you snuck a glance at him, unsure of how to feel at this revelation. his eyes were unwavering on yours and you’d never felt more enticed by just the way someone was looking at you. oh, how confused you had become in such a short period of time. the boy in front of you was your type, a shy but self-assured boy that was smooth, no doubt, but more importantly he made you feel something.

dinner went as fast as it came and donghyuck paid, true to his word, leading you out the restaurant and back to his car. once in, he didn’t take off immediately. sitting in silence, the two of you exchanged a couple of looks before he said with a smirk, “let’s date.”

you were barely caught off guard, nodding minutely, and looking him in the eye. “yeah, let’s date." it was a blessed day for donghyuck, one that would always replay in his mind from that day onward. he thanked whatever higher entity graced him with just the perfect words, just the perfect actions, and just the perfect scenarios to get you from hating him to looking at him with such adoration in your eyes. all in one night.

it was a miracle day, a shared thought by the two of you.

it had been a wild forty-six hours since donghyuck had dropped you off at your apartment. the sunlit sky was just about to tip into the depths of night and donghyuck had come to pick you up to hang out with the rest of your friends. the only one of the boys who knew of the progression with donghyuck at the moment was jeno, the one boy you could never keep anything from, and he still thought that you were simply playing out a giant prank on him. you felt giddy, with the rush of newfound feelings for a handsome boy you could call your own.

approaching his and his friend’s house, an unsettling feeling began to gather in the pit of donghyuck’s stomach. around you, he found it rather comfortable to just lay back and speak his thoughts. the last couple days spent with you had shown him that you liked donghyuck the way he was, and even though his fun side was appreciated, it wasn’t needed. but coming up to the front door and bringing out his keys, he thought of how he would act with the boys and you in the same room.

“wow, who would’ve thought these two would come together?” it was jaemin that spoke, his eyes narrowing at you, coming in tow behind donghyuck. “imagine how awkward the drive must’ve been. y/n hates his guts.” this time, it was renjun that spoke, his lips curling into a smile as he conjured the thought of a silent, glare-filled drive. “actually,” donghyuck began countering, “we’re dating now.”

the room fell silent as they watched donghyuck wrap his arm around your waist, your head finding a place on his shoulder. suddenly, after seven whole seconds, the room burst into a cacophony of commotion, jeno dragging you to the side to question if you were sane, jaemin and renjun laughing at the absurdity but taking time to spout a few incoherent sentences, and jisung and chenle openly gawking at the unfolding situation.

it was a whole twenty minutes before everyone started to notice how quiet donghyuck was, only talking when he was talked to and even then, replying with straight and not sarcastic answers. all the boys seemed to find it strange and renjun finally voiced, “the hell happened to you, did y/n threaten you or something?”

the world seemed to shrink around him as donghyuck felt his throat constrict, looking between you and the boys as if any of you could give him a clue as to what to say. your eyes were just as curious as the rest but he knew they held some sort of expectation. you’d grown to like the real donghyuck, not the funny, boisterous one. but the boys were all expecting him to burst into giggles and crack jokes like they were all he was made of. his head whirled, not wanting to choose between you or his friends and feeling like the entire situation was unfair. it was unfair that he couldn't rest easy just being himself. that he had to be a certain someone in front of his friends so that he could feel like a friend. but despite the inner rumbling of thoughts, he ended up plastering a wide grin onto his face, quipping back at renjun with a, “‘course she did, she hates my guts.”

the boys all glanced at you expectedly, seeing if you would laugh at what your boyfriend had said. now it was you that felt uncomfortable. squirming under all the stares of your friends, you could only give a small smile, feigning a chuckle, before the boys deemed that enough to move on. it's right then and there that you realized exactly what the fuck you'd gotten yourself into. you felt the teeniest bit disappointed, in him and in yourself. him for having all that damned pride and you, for forgetting that he had all that damned pride.

it was at the forty-eighth hour of your relationship when you finally had the chance to drag the boy into the silent laundry room off the hall and confront him, dumping him for the first time because what the hell were you thinking? the usual, careful (not carefree) y/n that you'd known all your life had been replaced with this foreign and terribly impulsive persona in the face of a pretty boy. somehow, you’d let feeling of infatuation and desire revert all your cumulative dating experience and deem your rationality useless. all for a boy. a boy who could go on for days about how you weren’t ‘one of them’ when he really meant that he just thought you were prettier than the others. you felt like you were really just another one of his date-and-ditch girls. like he was slapping his dick in your face, and not even in a sexual way.

the last day of your weekend elapsed quickly and you had already found yourself cornered by donghyuck before your first class. you would have blatantly ignored him, had he not been screaming your name at the top of his lungs, alerting everyone within a mile radius. his face was drawn into a playful grin and you felt yourself cringe internally because you couldn’t piece together how you could’ve possibly dated a boy that would yell at you to get your attention with a goddamned smirk on his face the day after you had dumped him.

dragging him by the elbow to the nearest bench, you forcibly sat him in the seat, looking down at him like a mother giving her child a scalding glare for misbehaving. his face now donned something you hoped was guilt but edged the line of being shameful. “why are you embarrassing me? it’s nine in the morning.”

indeed, his voice was small and he seemed upset that you used such a reprimanding tone on him. “sorry, i just wanted to get your attention.”

“and now you have it,” you huffed, “what do you want?”

once again, without missing a beat, he blurted out, “to get back together.”

your mind longed to reminisce the feeling of his eyes, sincere, on yours but even then, you felt like a joke to him. “no.”

“but y/n-“

“no, hyuck. i don’t want to be another one of your girls that you think are 'pretty enough' to take to that fancy little restaurant you frequent.”

“you’re not.”

“oh, so all of a sudden i mean so much to you.”

“not all of a sudden, i- i’ve-“

donghyuck’s throat closed up before he could let you divulge in his little secret. he knew he would’ve probably been better off telling you the truth, as embarrassing as it would be for him, but it was too early, he told himself. he wanted to be sure about your feelings for him. he wanted to build a relationship with you, not pressure you with words he knew you weren’t ready for.

“you’ve what? lost your ability to speak?”

oh, how he would’ve loved that snappy attitude of yours had it not been directed at his poor self. he gulped visibly before settling for a half truth that wouldn’t make you freak out and avoid him like the plague, “i’ve started to like you, y/n. and not the way i like the others. you’re different, i swear.”

you bit down harshly at your lip, wondering if you were destined a shitty love with a disloyal boy. shaking your head, you pulled your phone from your tote, more than ever wanting class to start as soon as possible. to donghyuck’s dismay, it was. slipping your phone back, you raised your head to be met with wide eyes and you cursed yourself for almost wanting to ruffle his hair or tug at his cheeks or pull him into a hug… anything to get that little pout off his face. but you digressed, giving him a placid smile and a, “i have class, see you later,” before turning on your heel, thankful that you hadn’t succumbed to such silly urges.

class had been uneventful, a flurry of taking notes that you would later go back to and realize didn’t even make sense. your friend and usual seat partner, dayoung, had decided that today was the day to ditch. you supposed she’d either blacked out from drinking or had an incurable hangover, the cost of her monstrous drinking habits. it was a shame, you thought while packing up, that you would have to go to the cafeteria alone and eat alone.

exiting the lecture hall, you’re met with donghyuck once again, eyes burrowed into his phone. his brows are drawn together in concentration before he hears the shuffling of feet, courtesy of your fellow classmates, and you saw how he immediately searched the crowd for you, or you're assuming. you wanted to screech at him, what in the name of god was he thinking? picking you up after class? but you turned on your heel, almost getting ready to sprint to the back door of the building. before you could even get two steps in, donghyuck’s fingers were gently tugging at your elbow, forcing you into a spin to face the culprit of your classroom daydreams. his grip tightened as if afraid you’ll shrug him off and you saw the way he nervously shoved his phone into his back jean pocket, fumbling around for a bit until it finally slotted in. he let go of you rather abruptly, seemingly suddenly aware that his hand was there in the first place, and cleared his throat a little louder than he had aimed to.

“do you want to go get lunch with me?” his voice was shy, and it caught you off guard in the slightest because of how collected he seemed. nevertheless, you’re persistent if nothing.

“no, i’m eating with dayoung.” the lie fell past your lips like honey and you’re about to give yourself a mental pat on the back when a small, knowing smile eased onto the boy's face.

“dayoung’s at jaemin’s. she’s got a bad hangover from yesterday’s party.” damn, you would’ve been celebrating two victories, one for successfully lying and another for being right about dayoung’s tendencies, if you hadn’t forgotten that the girl was jaemin’s girlfriend and that jaemin was one of donghyuck's best friends. your lips flattened into a thin line as you grasped at nonexistent excuses to toss at him. his smile had widened, the light in his eyes shining, before he, again, took you by the elbow and led you to his car, admittedly not giving a fuck as to whether you were okay with it or not.

“come on, i didn’t wait a whole hour and a half outside to just let you go off on your own.” his little comment had you stopping in your tracks. he looked back at you, confused, the little frown on your face igniting unease in his mind. “you waited?”

“of course i did, baby.”

“don’t call me that.”

“okay fine, y/n.”

“why would you wait?”

“because i like you,” another smirk, “i said what i said and i meant what i said.”

(it’s not everyday that flustered!y/n enters the chat but when she does, god, hyuck swears he’s never been more in love with just the way someone blushes. he loves it, he lives for it.)

you escaped the gaze of his star struck eyes by stalking to the passenger side of the car, standing by the door and waiting for him to unlock the vehicle. willing himself out of his fanboy trance, he thumbs the key in a hurry and gets into the drivers’ seat with even more enthusiasm. with each progressing second he spends with you, he can't help but want more and more to get to know you. his actions were eager, putting the car in reverse, easing out of the parking spot, fingers nimble on the gear stick. as usual, the drive was dead silent off to a place that donghyuck didn’t bother to mention. you figured out soon enough though, as he parked the car in front of a local thai restaurant. as you gathered your belongings, he took the opportunity to quicken his exit to open the door for yours. “you don’t have to do that, you know. i’m perfectly capable.”

donghyuck didn’t let your statements derail him as he also opened the door to the restaurant for you. you gave him a disapproving frown, even considering to just not go in, before begrudgingly entering. the place had a cozy feel to it, somewhat akin to a rainforest cafe except without the fake exotic animals and random trees. donghyuck rushed, as if it were his life’s duty, to pull out a seat for you, and you willingly let him see your eye roll. “i know you’re capable, y/n, i just want to do it for you, really.”

you scrunched your nose in distaste and ignored his late reply, opting to skim through the thickly binded menus the waitress had set upon the table. you take it upon yourself to order this time, despite having never been to the place, but you figured a pad thai and khao pad were the way to go. his eyes were on you the whole time, watching the way you articulated yourself to the waitress. you knew this but pretended, for the sake of your heart, to be oblivious to his antics.

unsurprisingly, donghyuck slipped back into his usual persona that he seemed to portray whenever he was around you. being in his immediate presence seemed to make your heart quake these days, reminding you of his charming smiles and smooth lines. maybe it was because of this that made you think it was a bit too selfish to assume that dating him would mean that he would willingly change his entire reputation, you doubted he liked you that much.

by the end of the meal the two of you were sporting matching shy smiles, feet fiddling with each other under the table and silent snickers with flirty cocked eyebrows. the air felt different when you were around him, the him that you adored. he made the worries on your shoulders lift and lightened the tight hold that life had on your heart. donghyuck was good to you, in all the ways that mattered and in all the ways that did not. it was a shame that you didn't let yourself fall for him sooner.

he took the initiative to end the mini date there, briefly informing you that he would be dropping you off at your apartment before the car ride blanched out into an airy silence. it would have been outright ignorant for you to dismiss the way your heart pressed against your chest and how it beat quicker than whatever pop song that was tuning in the background of your worries. thinking, you felt it was something that you should take upon yourself to right the situation. whatever you were feeling, whatever he had told you about how he was feeling, was something you just couldn't ignore. staring listlessly into the abyss of the creamy satin that laid against your lap, you took deep breaths that shuddered the nerves on your spine. donghyuck was an ex, but you also dated and broke up with him in such a flurry of emotions that there was no way to tell if it was justified or not.

pulling into a spot outside your building you rushed your mind to do anything, say anything. "hyuck," you began, not even in full comprehension of what you were about to say. his ears perked and his heart lurched at your usage of his nickname, the feeling of closeness boosting his confidence and affection for you. "yes?"

"what if we- no, i-," grappling at your hair you felt the words come short as they neared being voiced aloud. donghyuck could sense the tension that you incited with your stuttering but he felt drawn to the way your eyes flitted to everything except his own. he wanted them on his own. letting his weight shift onto the middle console of the front seat, you allowed his careful fingers to caress your chin and lift your sights to him. donghyuck's eyes were warm and inviting and instead of feeling a chorus of nerves, your voice found strength in the expression that graced his features.

"yesterday... i think i made a mistake," his eyes narrowed and his fingers moved to cup your cheeks in his hand. "what do you mean by that?"

"i mean, i want to get back together. i'm sorry if it seemed like i was expecting something from you."

donghyuck openly stared at you, wanting to memorize the way your face fell shy and conserved. he wanted to be the one to open up your heart and to be the one to treasure it. he wanted it all. so while you busied yourself with rapid blinking, your mouth opening and closing in attempts to cover up what you thought might have been yet another mistake on your part, he closed the distance between your lips and his, in a fateful crash. there was a certain passion with which he kissed you with that told a tale of longing and thoughtfulness. he was as warm as he looked, his lips showing you more than he had said in words. from a small but heartfelt kiss, you saw him in so many ways you hadn't before. his sincerity leaked through the simple but profound way he subtly sucked on your bottom lip and in your state of realization, you tried your best to form words from the emotions that had dawned upon you. with a hand on his neck, light but rubbing deep circles you leaned back into his space so that your breath would tickle with his, "i don't know how much i like you, hyuck. i can't even give you an estimate but i know that i like you. that, i know for sure."

"and that's all i need to know, baby." donghyuck slid the hand on your cheek to take purchase of the crown of your head and brought your figure into his. your arms fell down to his back, encasing him, as your temple hit the skin above his collarbones. he felt like home more than anything else. years of knowing of him and only days of actually getting to know him were all you needed for your heart to calm with his gaze, goosebumps to smooth over with his touch. donghyuck, you believed, was a good man, a beautiful, sunkissed man with a hearty laugh that would ring in your ears even in the moments after.

hyuck's presence, in so many ways, was already mounting to more than you thought it ever would and it was something that nagged in the back of your mind, ever so slightly, between the waves of adoration that swept through you with every interaction you held with him. it was dangerous territory, you thought, to be left alone without his persona by your side because then you would be utterly alone. alone to all your thoughts that kept you up at night because rationally, none of this made sense. rationally, he should not have been able to penetrate through your defenses, to break down your façade, to see the real you. it was a matter of days, not weeks, not even months, much less years. rationally, liking him was a no go. and being with him in any serious context was out of the question.

"woah. dragging me into the laundry room. well that can only mean two things, honeybee." his little remark would normally incite a small eye roll but you're too far in your head to really process the lightness of his joke, the lightness of his tone. two deep breaths, keep your hands away from him.

"hyuck, let's call this off." a serious tone.

"wait what?" it's been like barely a day." his gleaming eyes seemed to take it in anything but seriousness.

"i don't think i really thought this through. i just- it's all a little quick don't you think?."

"but babe look-"

"i'm sorry, again, but i really am not looking for something serious with you. that's what you want and i don't want to be the one who drags this on and makes it harder for me and you. whatever this was. let's just preten-"

"y/n, i'm not going to pretend this never happened, okay?" a pause, "because i know something happened. maybe you can't get serious with me but i know, for a fact, that you felt something at one point or another in this… this relationship." donghyuck's eyes are glossed over now with fresh tears. the very eyes that were filled with glee not two minutes ago. despite how wretched he looks, he continues without a hitch.

"you wanna break up? fine. i respect that but don't fucking say that this never happened. don't deny that what you felt, what i saw, never happened. it happened, baby. we happened."

taken aback in humiliation, you blinked back the oncoming wave of tears that were threatening to fall. he was right, you were impulsive, and indecisive, and though it was nowhere in your intentions to be selfish, that's what you were. two times now, that you've fucked yourself over.

and with your leave, donghyuck found himself at square one. or even negative one. he dated you, he dated you and he still found a way to ward you off, again. not even four days in total had he dated you and he felt the knots in his stomach tighten and curl up against his internal organs. he fucked it up, no matter if it was you that broke it off. he couldn't help but think that he was the one that scared you away. that he was the one that pushed you to fall for him so quickly and carelessly with flirty smiles and stupid chivalrous actions. donghyuck felt the tension build in his insides because he was so enamoured with being yours, for catching your eye, you heart, that he forgot to build a relationship with you, to build trust and reliability with you.

now, if you were to even look back on your relationship with him, or to even look at him in any sort of romantic way, you would only see the boy who could win smiles and little flutters of hearts but never any more than that. he found himself in the pits of regret and utter annoyance at his past self because he couldn't take a step back, for even one second, and show you more of how much of a partner he could be. he drowned in the possibility that he would only ever mark as pretty sex appeal and quick playboy fling in your charts. peak devastation.

but you, you will never admit the twist in your heart as you slipped out of the laundry room that day. not to hyuck, not to jeno, not to yourself. whatever games you believed hyuck to be playing on you, whatever games your own mind was playing on yourself, you were through with it. there was no way around that.

a headache, in bed. maybe a bedache. uncomfortable no matter how you positioned yourself. the sheets were crisp but cold to the touch and you found yourself drawing your limbs nearer to your torso, your arms encircling them to ensure a warmth. perhaps this bedache had been brought on by how you hadn't left the bed since early last night, how the sun had been up for awhile now, or even by the phone pressed between your left ear and those crisp sheets. radioactive stuff, you figured. jeno was drawling on and on, about what you couldn't put a finger on. if your best friend was any one thing in the world, he was a rambler. never knew when to stop and could never comprehend the general mood of the room. especially when it was just the two of you, you couldn't help but have your mind wander off onto other topics because frankly, you weren't sure if he himself knew what he was saying at this point. maybe if he could pick up on the fact that you were tired, or so so out of it then he would stop. maybe if he was a little more adept in noticing things about you, maybe if he was a little more like… like hyuck.

hell, you would've totally crushed on jeno if he had just a bit more common sense in social interactions (it's a total wonder how he has such an attentive girlfriend). but no, if anything hyuck was more your type than any of the guys in the group. huh, hyuck. how did he even end up in your train of thought?

sprawling your back flat upon the mattress, the cold curling up your tendons and rippling a small shiver down your spine, you thought about the events of yesterday morning. breaking up with hyuck--a good choice decidedly--suddenly seemed like a dick move on your part. surely you could've just worked through it right? you liked him, undoubtedly, why was it so hard to stay with him? the possibility of being hurt was relatively low, despite who he was, you figured because of how he acted around you, gentlemanly. the possibility of it ending up more than just a frenzied fling was also very high, with how much you had liked him in consideration. your mind was going on, still to this moment, about how quick it had been, about your secret fears of it being no more than a joke, about how you had seriously fallen for such a joking person. but then again, you couldn't just call him up and tell him, "hi, it's y/n. let's date. again. because i suddenly feel okay with it. again." (though in all honesty, donghyuck would still say yes).

the best course of action, you decided, was to wait it out. maybe school could keep your mind off of him and before you know it, the sight of him wouldn't make you suddenly self-conscious. and the sound of his voice wouldn't make the hairs stand straight at the nape of your neck. the aftereffects of his boisterous smile would stop, for once, from making your heart disentangle itself from the hold of your ribcage and the butterflies would stop flying all together. to your dismay, monday morning was comparably awful, just godawful.

your eyes are still wide and you're only slightly panicking when you say with a flat voice, “repeat.” donghyuck heaves another exasperated sigh. “i said,” he gives you a look that either means he thinks you’re annoying or he thinks you’re stupid (or both), “renjun thinks we’re still dating so he made a bet with me that if we stay together for a whole month, he owes me a hundred bucks.” his sneakers are tapping in such a rhythmic fashion that your eyes feel like they’ve been tranced but they’re pulled to his face when you finally process his words. “wha-“

you’re attempted response is cut short when he says, eyes rolling back, “i’ll split it if you fake it with me.” gosh, you wanted to smack him. you weren’t tight on money at the moment but an extra fifty dollars for a new dress, or the pair of heels you’ve been eyeing, or maybe even that one overpriced lipstick…your mouth seemed to work faster than your mind. “fine, a month,” his face lit up at your words, “but nothing extra, like no weird stuff when we’re alone.”

he nodded, a smirk slowly forming alongside his retort, “that is, if you can resist my pretty face.” it was your turn to roll your eyes and shove his frame farther away from yours as you were reminded of every reason you hated this kid. he was annoying, no way around that. you checked your phone and it lit up with a 9:57. you were going to be late for class.

you took brisk steps away from the boy towards your class across campus, not even bothering to bid him a farewell. "hey, wait up," he jogged to your left, trying to match your pace, "where you going? i thought we should drop by my place, renjun should be there with the rest of the boys." you quickened your steps, making sure that donghyuck couldn't distract you further before answering curtly, "i have class in like, less than three minutes." instead of backing off like he should've he only sidled up to you more saying, "oh okay, what class?" you huffed, clearly distressed that he couldn't take the hint and just go. "organic chem."

at that, his face seemed to grow even more excited, for god knows what reason, and he caught up with your fast-moving frame with a few skips, "at the kinley building? 'cause i could drive you." this time, you stopped in your tracks, weighing your options. if you declined and walked the whole way, there was the possibility you'd be late and donghyuck would probably tag along as well. if you went with him, there was no doubt you'd make it in time. you figured you would have to suffer being in his presence either way so might as well make it to class on time. "sure,” you muttered under your breath, upset that you had agreed to all his inquiries today.

his left hand clasped around your wrist, as if to lead you to his car, but you promptly unhooked it, not even chancing a glance at his face as you followed behind him. skinship had been prominent while you and him were dating, despite the time being short, and you didn't hate it but it freaked you out nonetheless how he could be so touchy without knowing you all that well.

approaching the parking lot, you could already spot his beat up 1998 honda civic, sporting the signature scratched navy blue paint. sliding into his car, you could recall the very first night he'd taken you to dinner. how his cheeks had been pink the entire drive there, anxious that you would notice the remnant smell of the fried chicken he had the night before. you could remember, with striking detail, how clouded your mind had been and how you'd let donghyuck's childish antics keep you from realizing what exactly you'd done.

shaking your head from the memories, you kept your gaze straight and mouth shut for the rest of the ride; donghyuck seemed to notice this and followed suit. you were struggling to think about anything except the boy next to you but you persisted to fight it because the complications were too much for you, donghyuck was too much for you.

class? uneventful. your mind? bustling. with what? donghyuck, donghyuck, donghyuck, and fucking donghyuck. the end of class signals an expectation you were pondering in class and upon exiting, you find it to be true. donghyuck is leaning up against the wall adjacent to the door to the lecture hall you were just in and he's already smiling at you, kind and sweet. the drive to the boys' house is strikingly quiet in the most uncomfortable way possible but it's immediately the least of your worries when you pull up upon the driveway of the cornflower blue painted house. donghyuck pulls the keys from the car and you don't allow him to open the door up for you, stepping out just as he reaches for the handle. his hand, hovering midair, swoops back to the curls at the foot of his neck, twirling them as if he was originally to make a dramatic gesture out of a simple act.

before donghyuck can turn the key into the keyhole, he sets an arm around your shoulders, without looking you in the eye and clears his throat. "we might wanna at least seem, you know…" his comment is received with your head on his shoulder, the same position the two of you were in while walking into this very house less than a week ago. he chances a glance down at you but regrets because his face is quite literally all up in your space. he can see the little ridges of your eyelids and the individual hairs of your eyebrows, all the miniscule details of the light makeup you adorned and the blush on your cheeks that's far too pink to be solely composed of any powder or swash. he briefly wonders if the causation is of his sudden proximity but is interrupted when the door in front of you splits open, the keys departing from donghyuck's clutches and jangling against the wood.

his face is still mere centimeters from yours and renjun is looking, delighted and sickened at the same time so you take the liberty to peck a quick kiss upon the bridge of donghyuck's nose before shooting a shy smile at renjun and brushing past him into the house, leading hyuck by the hand. the boy himself is halfway zoned out because of the fact that you had initiated pda first. snapping from his momentary daze, he feels a sudden courage surge through his chest, his flirty sweet attitude fully consuming the doubt and insecurities that were once peeking through his composure.

"so how you guys holding up this time around?" renjun questions as he perches himself at the edge of a one person couch, already occupied by jisung. the younger boy pushes him off playfully and is, in turn, shot a death glare and a muttered curse. jisung merely shrugs which makes the aforementioned boy even more riled up, the whole situation giving you and donghyuck a few moments to give each other looks confirming who's to be answering. his little nudge gets you spitting whatever tumbles out first.

"better than ever actually, we're kinda just ignoring the fact that that first breakup happened. you know, it was just a small fight." donghyuck's eyes nearly bulge out at your slip up but he's already wracking his brain for a backup reason in case renjun catches the mistake.

"first? what do you mean first?" you can already see the smirk growing on renjun's face, preparing for his hundred bucks. thankfully donghyuck, quick-witted as ever, is right on his tail, "yeah we got broke up a few hours after we got back together, a sick joke on y/n's part."

silently, praising hyuck for how skillfully he handled the near-debacle, you follow up with a realistic, "you thought it was funny too though, don't act like you didn't enjoy my acting!" at this, renjun's quirked eyebrow returns to its rightful place and he retrieves his phone from his jacket pocket to get everyone's pizza preferences for delivery. jaemin enters at this moment. his eyes are sparkling with mirth and he's walking backwards, both hands interlaced with a noticeably tipsy dayoung.

"shit, dayoung. already? it's three in the afternoon," you voice while ambling in her direction. you see the way she barely acknowledges you while burying her face into jaemin's chest, mumbling incoherent sentences but jaemin supplies your question by telling you that, "she had a shit day, forgot to write a whole essay and a half." blinking in somewhat understanding, you then cross the room to where donghyuck is now sitting on the couch and while he pats his lap, you take the spot on the floor in front of him so that his knees peer at the sides of your head. immediately, you feel him sit up to accomodate you by softly raking his fingers through your hair.

dayoung, currently sitting smack in front of the tv and successfully obstructing everyone's viewing experience, now speaks with a slightly more sober tone, "ya, y/n, i can't believe you didn't tell me that you and donghyuck are dating. i had to figure out through jaemin. imagine how shocked i was to hear that! i thought you absolutely despised him…" the room is awfully silent and you hear the beginnings of words come from donghyuck behind you when dayoung finishes up her little spiel, "... i always thought you liked him though, or at least thought you two looked good together."

the rest of the boys beside donghyuck are absolutely loosing their shit because y/n liked hyuck for how long?! donghyuck is equally loosing his shit though he tries his best to suppress the blush that's sure to be washing over his features. his heart is pumping at a haphazard pace and his fingers have slid down from your hair to your neck, then shoulders. he hopes you can't feel the shakiness and lack of confidence that seeps through his demeanor, making his pupils shake and ever so conscious of how you are stilled in this moment. donghyuck wants to see the look on your face.

your face, unbeknownst to the boy behind you, holds no surprise. dayoung had said that same line to you over and over again, claiming that your dislike towards the boy was all part of a covert operation to mask your true feelings for him. in all honesty, the topic of this had replayed in your head for quite some time as well because although in the forefront of your mind you knew that you genuinely did not like donghyuck's character, you couldn't help but ponder the specifics of why exactly you always sought to be upset with him when really you could have minded your own business. and with that thought, you seldom admitted to yourself that donghyuck did draw some sort of your attention to him, attraction or just wonder in general.

you almost want to rush and clap a hand over her mouth as another of her drunken speeches comes into play but she beats you to the chase. "let's go on a double date! or triple, yes, triple! i wanna see this 'relationship' up close, y'all are suspiciously cute."

donghyuck's heart speeds and yours drops.

turns out, drunk dayoung and sober dayoung are pretty alike when thinking, proven by how sober dayoung had no recollection of her drunken triple date proposal but had also suggested the same exact thing in a sober state. the mirrored version of you that you are so carefully inspecting at the moment looks slightly fucked up, you think. sure, your outfit and makeup are on point as usual but it's the way your stomach churns and eyes shift uneasily that give way to how you're really feeling. nervous.

walking over to where your small array of handbags are perched upon the windowsill above your fair selection of shoes, you slip on a simple pair of square-toed picnic heels to go with your blue and white 'modern-day belle from beauty in the beast' look. your doorbell sounds throughout the apartment just as you're about to pick out a bag and you scuffle over, still trying to get your toes lined up, to the front door so as to not keep donghyuck waiting. upon opening, you give the boy a quick once-over before deciding that his simple outfit of washed blue loose fit jeans and a semi-fitting white shirt matched perfectly to your own.

"am i approved?"

a small smile graces your features before you nod lightly, turning your back to him but leaving the door open at his leisure. "you most certainly are." stepping within the confines of your space, donghyuck's face breaks into a childlike grin when he notes, "look at us, we're even matching."

you give him an absentminded chuckle in agreement, much too focused on whether a wickered crossbody or the pearled mini tote would do your coordination justice. shaking your head in a frenzy you snatch up the pearled item, astounded that you even thought of introducing a whole new color and texture into an already perfect ensemble. donghyuck watches with an amused grin but paid more attention to your actual apartment than the girl that lived in it. suddenly, you're aware that this is his first time being allowed up into the premises and how awkward this would play out in your mind now that you're aware but you do your best to shake the thought and return to loading your bag with your assigned lipstick, keys, and phone before ushering the boy out altogether.

the two of you are the last to arrive of the three couples, unsurprising to him only. donghyuck will never leave this out for discussion but he purposely drives slowly, so as to give himself as much time with you as possible, even if you end up hissing scornfully at his delayed turn and the way the space between the car you're in and the car in front always seems to increase.

with the drive in consideration, you are slightly annoyed as you exit the car without the assistance of donghyuck and is slightly relieved to see jeno and jaein walking from the parking lot as well. catching up to them, again without donghyuck, you make small talk with jaein while jeno eyes you will curiosity. before you can jump head first into a heated debate about your shared nutrition professor with jaein, donghyuck's arms slots behind your back and you're startled for a split second. noticing the glare you give hyuck, jeno asks good-naturedly, "something happen on the drive here?"

huffing exasperatedly but relieved you get the opportunity to complain, you reply in the most sincere manner given the topic of discussion. "hyuck here, drives so unbelievably slow, i don't know how we got here even remotely on time." said boy is chuckling with an amused face but removes his arm from the small of your back and instead intertwines your fingers. he adores it when you get riled up with insignificant actions. shaking your head, you let donghyuck lead you to the end of the clearing where jaemin and dayoung are at looking across the landscape.

it certainly is the most picturesque spot for a date, the lavender fields sprawling lazily between the two hills. along the view there are several, maybe five or six, couples that seem to have gotten the same idea in coming here but you're pleased that today would be a fairly undisturbed date. your group of six quickens the pace along the trodden dirt path and you're all too aware that wearing heels, albeit low, with a stick heel was a nightmare on soft terrain. you found yourself sinking into the ground with each step of the way and it's only natural that hyuck picks up on this, being only steps behind you, hands still interlocked and now sweaty.

he switches the hand in which he holds yours and connects his other with your adjacent. taking a large step, you feel his front press against your back as his voice pulses softly into your ears, "want me to carry you, babe?" a chortle crossed with a scoff passes your lips but before you could quip back a line on just how capable you were, the heel of your left shoe caught particularly deep in the soil and upon trying to retrieve it, your balance was replaced with incoordination. hyuck steadies you by moving his left hand around your waist and rights your stance but then slides his other arm beneath the alcove of your inner knees and swiftly removes your weight off the floor. you're not left breathless or starstruck by his smooth actions but his eyes, now matching your gaze, are enough to stop you from retorting to his kind gestures. surely, he meant nothing more of it than a simple solution to a friend's problem and a token of performative pda.

arriving at a particular grassy clearing about half a quarter mile into the field, you see that jaemin and dayoung who were at the head of the group had already spread wide the picnic blanket they had brought, the large wicker basket that jaemin had looped around his arm on the way here was seated atop. donghyuck only lets you down only when he's right at the foot of the blanket and dayoung gives you a playful grin, which you return with a shit-eating one of your own, followed by a giggle that erupts from jaein as a spectator of the scene. the weather is warm but not hot, the rays of the sun light on the skin and far from blinding, and the grass is dewy but dry enough for it to stop from clamping through the thin fabric of the pink blanket. sure, you admit, a triple date on a day like this, with a view like this, was definitely a good idea.

hyuck makes sure to grab a few napkins as soon as the basket is opened and he trods back over to where he had set you down, crouching and lifting your left shoe off your foot so he could clean the soiled heel. he does the same for the other, all whilst you're looking up at him with such sincere and loving eyes. it is far from intentional but donghyuck knows that the easiest way to your heart is found in simple but profoundly touching actions.

an hour into the brunch, you seem to have grown accustomed to donghyuck feeding you food, refilling your drink, and just being the most attentive you have ever seen him be. you chalk it up to the fact that he's just closer to the platters of food set in the center of the blanket as well as the fact that he needs to make as much of a show as he can out of this. chatter is pleasant, the other two couples equally as enamoured with one another over the whole group in itself, giving perfect leeway for donghyuck to squeeze in some one-on-one time.

"y/n," his voice causes your head to snap in his direction, eyes wide. "what?"

hyuck licks his lips, eyes glancing down to your own before realizing that now was definitely not the time. you felt like you could see the gears turning in his head when he answered, "let's go take pictures." nodding, you let him help you up and lead you to the nearest path, his hand guiding you slowly so as to not cause another inbalance. the path he chose ended up circling down further into the valley and he walks you down until the terrain flattened and treads back up the slope to get a picture of the flowers fanning out around you on all sides. his breath catches, keeps catching, with each second he stands there, focusing more on the little you on the screen than the picture he was taking of you. a few shots later and jaemin and dayoung had rounded upon the spot as well, jaemin offering to take some photos of the two of you together.

a light smile forms on donghyuck's features as he nears you, eyes glistening at contact with yours. perhaps it’s the way love simply works but he swears that even mother nature kneels before you, outlining your skin with a glow that could only be achieved with true happiness, the rays of light reflecting in your eyes gleam like pools of honey, and the way the flowers fan around you that made your figure seem even more sublime. hyuck blinks his running thoughts away as he makes haste to set an arm around your waist, tugging you closer to him. he can quite literally feel your head turn to look at his side profile, your nose barely dusting the heights of his cheekbones. he sucks in a breath and turns face-to-face with you as well, momentarily slowing time and the whole 'posing for a picture' scheme escaping his mind.

"okay, i got it. you guys looks so good together, who knew!" jaemin squeals, effectively drawing your attention away from his stare. you pick up on the small, "i knew," that dayoung lets out in a distaste full tone and exchange a funny glance with her. bringing hyuck's arm from behind you and lacing fingers with him instead, you beam up at the other couple as you offered to take a few shots of them as well.

the six of you only spend an hour longer at that destination, being full-time college students didn't exactly allow full-fledged dates but with the time considered, you had fun. slipping back into the passenger seat of hyuck's car, with the boy closing the door shut behind you, you rummage through your handbag to find the packet of blotting paper you are sure you put in there. just as you see it, your eyes catch onto a bright red, packaged candy lodged in the far corner. donghyuck returns to his side of the car just as you withdraw the stick from the bag, eyes gleaming as you held it out for him to see.

"that's-"

"the lollipop you gave me, that day, at the valentine's dance." you give a small childlike chuckle before unwrapping the candy. he looks almost distressed, "and you're eating it now?"

"yeah, why the heck not."

"i mean, i thought that you'd save it for, you know, sentimental value." your eyebrows raise with his comment.

"huh, i never pegged you as one who cared about that kinda stuff."

"i- well, i guess there's never a better time to learn."donghyuck took a deep breath.

"how 'bout this then?" you position the lollipop up and slightly to the left of his face as your other hand busies around the bag for your phone. swiping to the camera, you take a few shots of donghyuck's confused, enlightened, and then smiling face before withdrawing, "how's that for sentimental value?"

his eyes are in full acknowledgement of your cheeky attitude but he's thrown off guard just a few seconds later when your phone is thrust in his face, your lockscreen the same picture you'd taken moments ago. "cute, right?"

donghyuck's hands are shaking as he reverses the car from the parked spot with feigned ease. "yeah, real cute," he mutters under his breath but just at the right pitch for you to hear. the small smile that graces your snickering expression just shoves it further into his face that any way he tries to rationally run from you, he'd end up right back in your presence, drawn to you in ways even he cannot yet comprehend. he knows that no matter if he tries to avoid the fact that every moment spent with you further solidifies his daydreams into reality or tries to delude himself into thinking that he's in this solely for the fifty bucks, either way, he's fucked.

donghyuck's beyond stressed and more than ever wishing that time could work in his favor for once and pick up pace past the worrisome week ahead. he has an inkling that the library is already packed to the brim but he's convinced that if he wishes hard enough for a spot, one will magically clear itself for his studies. with no time to waste, he power walks past the information desk, past several rows of rich literature, and into the open field of desks. his suspicions, as they turned out, were right. each and every seat was occupied by one of many equally stressed out college students, cramming for the first day of finals that marked just under eight hours from now. donghyuck takes a roundabout the whole floor, just to make sure that he wasn't missing out on one of the coveted cushioned seats by the walls if any happened to be free. he's about to exit the premises, regret lining his already deteriorating mindset at the thought of having to memorize two months of information with chenle's music blasting from above, all three of jeno's cats taking purchase of his lap, and jisung entering every four minutes for entertainment purposes.

he really is about to exit, that is, until he sees you at the far corner of the establishment, earbuds tucked in securely, a sprawl of two computers, a tablet, three open books, and a whole ass stationary store displayed in front of you. in between two tall shelves and peering through a few books, he knows that if anyone were to comb their eyes about the room, they'd think him to be stalking. weighing his options, he decides to let you study in peace, not wanting to interrupt whatever was going on in that organized mess of yours.

donghyuck contemplates though, with the consideration that you had to have been at the library for a fairly decent amount of time to have secured such a good spot. the second the idea is brought to mind, he rushes out the building, almost sprinting and earning a few dirty looks thrown in his direction.

he really wishes he had driven his car instead of biking here, something jeno had convinced him was a good idea, but he makes do with what he has and pedals furiously to the convenience store on campus, a good nine minutes away. there, he buys a few bottles of energy drinks, other extremely caffeinated stuff, candy bars, and decides after a good minute, that chips were not the way to go, the loud packaging would give away to the strict eating policies all too easily. a stupid bright smile is plastered across his face, even as he finds himself paying an extra dollar for a bag to hold all the items. again, pedaling back furiously, he manages to make it to the library in only eight minutes this time but it's for naught since he spends the next fifteen with one knee propped on the seat of the bike, using it as a makeshift table to write and rewrite a little note to accompany the goods.

stuffing the paper bag into his backpack and switching it so that it's strapped on his chest rather than his back, he hurries into the vicinity to find that you're still there. donghyuck waits. he picks up a book on graduate level psychology and attempts to read it with one eye on the text and the other on you, not that that's how it works, both his eyes are really on you. he does this for a total of forty minutes until you finally get up for the restroom and on cue, donghyuck makes sure to be discreet when sliding from between two bookshelves and placing the paper bag upon your seat. he leaves promptly.

donghyuck arrives home with his heart thumping loudly, reminiscent of the feeling after running a whole marathon. his phone dings and his first thought is of you. instead, it's a reminder: religious studies final, 8:00 AM. the time above it reads 1:09 A.M., so much for 'no time to waste,' he thinks.

you're relieved that your quick restroom break was quick enough that your stuff wasn't cleared out by the snappy librarian or any other crazed undergrad. but to your confusion, your spot has now been replaced with a brown paper bag, medium in size and clandestine in contents. with careful hands, you slit open the bag, keeping your distance in the unlikely case that it was a motion-activated bomb (a valid fear, may i add). surprise lights your face as you see a few of your favorite candies, as well as a bundle of energy drinks that you so desperately need. a post-it is tacked to one of them and you pluck it up with two fingers and bring it to sight. 'hope this helps, don't get in trouble for eating tho. -ldh.'

you pause, your breath halts. a small hand accompanies your gaping mouth that regresses into a soft smile. this boy, he was really something else. your dedicated studies continued, but were futile given the fact that all you could think about was lee donghyuck, a sweet, sweet boy who waited god knows how long for you to take a restroom break so he didn't interfere with your concentration. lee fucking donghyuck. dissolving your emotions so you could dutifully return to your misery, you let your shoulders sag, letting out a sigh, what a mess you were in.

with finals out of the way, you're now facing the second big event of the month. a heavily anticipated move. the apartment you're currently occupying is quaint, but small, cozy, but inconvenient. unfortunately, jeno had already headed back to his hometown, having one less class and therefore one less final than you. none of your other friends were equipped with the abilities to be hauling heavy furniture to and fro so you were left to either pay someone or find someone. much of your conscious had already decided who that someone would be but you lacked the courage to carry the proposition through.

you pondered the situation while driving to your new place that was closer to campus, larger in size, and with thicker walls so you wouldn't have to hear your neighbor pounding her boyfriend in 8D audio with only a cardboard wall to separate your eyes from the scene. pulling into a parking space you steeled your resolve and dialed the number.

he picked up in one and a half rings, "y/n? hey, what's up?" donghyuck's voice comes out raspy on your end.

"shoot did i wake you up?"

the boy clears his throat, lying he replies, "no i was just packing, do you need anything?"

"uhh, yeah. a favor. if you could, i just need someone to go to ikea with me to help carry furniture and stuff. and since jeno's out of town, i just thought i'd ask you."

"oh," he sits up straight in his bed, "yeah, yeah i can go with you. when?"

"maybe like...now? sorry, this is so last minute.”

donghyuck is already on the move, unearthing your favorite sweatshirt of his from his already packed suitcase, "no, not at all. i'm basically done here anyways."

"right, cool. i'll text you the address. when will you be here?"

"ten minutes," he blurts out, "i- is that good?"

"okay, see you." you hang up, heart hammering in your chest.

you wish the mirror in your new bathroom was full-length because you are currently stood atop the rim of the bathtub adjacent to it, the crown of your head unceremoniously shoved against the rail of the shower curtain, trying to get a good look at whether your ensemble is fit for the occasion. a baby blue mini crop top with a pair of loose sweats drapes your figure and you wonder if furniture shopping with the boy you like requires something a little more cohesive. sighing, you figure that all your worrying was in vain, since the moving van you ordered with all your packed up clothes in it isn’t scheduled to arrive until 6 in the evening.

just as you finish reapplying your gloss, the doorbell sounds, the unfamiliar ring causing you to yelp in surprise. you answer the door, donghyuck's face lit with humor, "i heard that." your cheeks flame a tad bit before you realize with a pout, "oh, guess the walls aren't as thick as i thought then." donghyuck smirks, an expression that you miss but you go on to list to him the things you were planning to buy that you didn't already have moved in yet. a couch, two lamps, a nightstand, and four very specific potted plants. he watches you with sparkles in his eyes, as if they were reflecting your own.

"right let's go, then," nodding, he snatches his keys.

"your car or mine?"

"mine, the trunk's bigger," he reasons and you nod.

minutes later, you stand dumbfounded as you stare at his 'bigger trunk.'

"so you're saying, that you're gonna shove a whole ass couch in here."

"that's right, sweetie." not even thinking to correct his term of endearment, you slam the trunk door shut, nearly decking him in the head. "if it doesn't fit, i'm having you ride the bus back with the couch."

"sure thing, babe." he answers nonchalantly, seeing as you haven't caught on.

"and alone too, i'm not bouta be seen in public with a man carrying a couch on a bus."

"got it, honey." he’s beginning to enjoy this.

"shit, maybe i'll even have you pay for it if that happens."

"fine by me, love." his smile is on the verge of splitting his ears.

shutting the car door of the passenger seat closed, "gosh, what if i just send you to get the stuff by yoursel- wait, what did you just say?"

donghyuck's face shines golden in the afternoon light, "nothing, dear."

"hyuck, you gotta be kidding me."

"kidding about what, babygirl?" he looks as if he is to burst of happiness.

"lee donghyuck, i'm being serious." but the little smile that edges on your face gives it all away so he goes on.

"as am i, lovebug."

shaking your head, you turn to look out the window in embarrassment as donghyuck pulls out of the parking spot with the stupidest grin on his face. it isn't until you guys are halfway there that he returns to a normal calm but fails to guard his mouth from saying anymore. "you good, sweetpea?"

"hyuck…"

"c'mon, say it back, princess, i know you want to." he gives a few quick glances in your direction, eyebrows jutting up playfully.

the smallest of smiles adorn your face as you let out a, "geez, baby," muttered under your breath. the same old stupid smile is back on his face now, his ears are perked, but you can tell he’s nowhere near satisfied yet.

"what'd you say? i couldn't quite hear you."

silence.

"y/n, c’mon, what'd you say?"

"... i said...geez, my lil’ bitch."

he breaks out into ripples of harmonious laughter that ring in your ears like the first few chords of your favorite song. you follow him, peals of laughter emitting at just the sight of his joyous face. this marks the first car ride you share with the boy that isn’t bathed in complete silence but instead, smiles and comfort and bouts of flirty tension hanging in the air despite no one spectating.

the trip to ikea is straightforward in its purpose, you point and donghyuck carries. he masks the fact that he really isn't the one for heavy lifting jobs pretty well by wiping the sweat off his forehead when you're not looking and taking gargantuous swigs of water when you're too busy measuring dimensions and surveying durability. he also makes sure he has a say in the pieces you decide on, wanting something for you to remember him by whenever you look at the extra flower print pillow cases he convinced you to buy. while you're paying at the checkout, he makes it his job to buy two vanilla ice cream cones for you to commemorate hard work. the smile and shy thank you that you give him makes him feel a good deal important.

donghyuck ends up exerting a lot more energy than he thought he would on this little venture, shoving the gigantic box of unassembled couch half into the trunk and half into the backseat, the rest of your purchases having little to no space to themselves. you notice his fatigued state and offer to drive home in his place. he's hesitant to agree but feels the weight of his arms and complies. as soon as the car doors are shut and the overhead light goes out, the two of you take a few minutes to collect yourselves.

"thanks for today, hyuck."

he closes his eyes, head leaning back on the headrest, "my pleasure, sweetheart." you start up the car.

halfway into the drive you notice that donghyuck has started to nod off. feeling a little more courageous at the thought of him being unaware, you slip a hand into his, one still securely on the wheel. you smile to yourself, nodding along to the upbeat song playing on the radio, the volume turned down to the lowest dial. you pride yourself for being able to get away with the action but you only think you do. donghyuck knows the feeling of your skin on his. he knows the unmistakable sparks that ignite in his little belly of butterflies, and even if he is half asleep, he feels you more than anything. he loves you more than anything.

you convince hyuck to take the guest bedroom for the night, laying newly washed sheets on the bed just seconds before he passes out on top of them. oddly though, you yourself are woken up the following day by a string of curse words that come from the living room. groggy and barely awake, you trudge into the open space to see donghyuck with an instruction manual inches away from his face, his eyebrows drawn in. parts of the couch are sprawled all around him and you wonder when and how he woke up in the first place.

"hyuck, what're you doing?" your voice is still heavily-laden with sleep and you cross the room to the kitchen, reaching for the first water bottle you see. "woke up a bit early and thought i'd do this for you since i have to leave at 10 for my flight and i didn't want you to be doing this alone."

you crouch on the floor beside him and offer him the water which he takes. "that's...very thoughtful of you." he doesn't answer but continues assembling the pieces with a proud smile on his face. meanwhile, you busy yourself by making a small breakfast with what you have in the fridge, a simple egg, cheese, ham english muffin sandwich. he eats it gratefully by shoveling it down hurriedly so he can get back to work, giving you a few feel-good laughs. he's done in about an hour and, not without your help, the couch is up and running (or sitting) and the two of you are reclined upon it, the new-couch smell overwhelming your senses. donghyuck checks the time and mumbles a quiet, "oh shoot," before he stands up abruptly, turning to tell you with sullen eyes that he has a flight to catch. you nod and walk him to the door, standing just across the threshold from him, dolefulness apparent in your expression as well.

"i guess i'll see you in a few weeks then," he voices as he looks up at you, tying his shoelaces.

"yeah, i guess so," your eyes never leave his, "make sure to tell your little siblings that y/n says hi okay?"

"psh, you've never even met them," donghyuck stands up straight now and you're craning your neck a little at his height.

"oh, so that one time over facetime doesn't count now?"

donghyuck gives a breathy laugh, he goes in for a hug that you reciprocate warmly. reluctance lies in his countenance as he draws back, not wanting to leave you so soon. you notice his lingering stare on you and instead of teasing him, or pointing it out, you urge him on with a hand on either side of him, "just go hyuck, i promise i'll call you later this week."

his stomach does little flips, "oh, okay," he says with a small voice, "i'll get going now then."

"okay, be safe."

"i will, babe." he just stands there looking at you with eyes full of mirth.

"oh my, hyuck, just go!" a small pout begins to form on his lips and you get the sudden urge to kiss it away.

"right, i'll be on my way." he turns away from you to walk to his car, but it's this time that you spin him back around to place a quick kiss to the lips, the smile on your face never leaving. feeling the blush beginning to seep into the skin of your cheeks, you rush back into the confines of your new apartment, leaving donghyuck to his own, flustered, devices. his feels lightheaded the whole flight back and it isn't until he is greeted at the door of his childhood home with the face of his mom, that he is brought back down from the heavens.

"donghyuck oppa has a girlfriend," his youngest sibling drawls out the last syllable as if to prolong the shock the simple statement has already inflicted upon him. his eyes are rounded and searching for any sign of disapproval in his parents’ demeanors but more so because he never intended for his family to know of your existence, seeing as it would be imminently irrelevant in just a few weeks. not only was it to dodge otherwise unimportant questions but his resolution was also linked to the fact that making you known to his immediate family felt like solidifying the ever-so-fake bond that persisted between you and him. surely, even though your relationship with him was anything but real, though was portrayed in the most real fashion, he couldn't admit to himself that the idea of you as his girlfriend in the eyes of his family brought him joy.

he watches as his mother claps her hands together in glee, exclaiming with full vindication, "how could you not tell me, hyuck!" she asks for a picture of you, your name, last name, major, how he had come to know you, when did this happen, (did you guys do it yet), and most importantly, if he loved you. he answers a quiet yes to his mother's last question but she seems to have moved on to intently stare into his phone screen that's displaying a picture you posted on your instagram a few weeks prior at the flower field. the first being a solo shot, your hair billowing lightly in the winds that seemed to blow solely for you, the gaze of your eyes fell heavy and serious, a stark contrast to the picture a swipe away, of you and donghyuck gleaming with matching smiles that rivaled the brightness of the sun, the caption reading 'my pooh bear <3.' looking back at the picture now even, he really does understand his mothers coos and 'aws.' you did indeed look ethereal.

he blushes at the thought of you and spends the rest of dinner steering conversation away from you and you-related topics, not wanting to delude himself any further from the truths that were itching in the back of his mind, that no matter how much his mother loved you, or even how much he loved you, it'd be hard for him to say that you held the same intense emotions for him as well. donghyuck retires into the confines of his childhood room as the general buzz of his family lowers into the night and he finds himself staring at pictures of him in high school, before he had met you. he wonders, for the first time, if he liked life better back then. chubby cheeks and a terrible smile, he still remembers looking in the mirror and thinking, handsome, but it's only been a few years in college and he can't remember the last time he looked in the mirror with his first thought being something other than will she think i look okay? donghyuck's string of consciousness derails further into the depths of despair, looking back on the lengths he'd gone to get a girl to getting the girl and loosing her, getting her again and loosing her again, and having to sever his true feelings from his façade just so that he could still claim you as his.

but then he's reminded of you, and how you're so dedicated in your studies but somehow still making time for friends and family. how when you care for people you care and especially of how he feels when he is the subject of your attention. donghyuck brings his little emotional escapade into a full circle when he realizes that he would still do anything to claim you as his because he simply cannot have it any other way. that despite the consistent feeling that he might never be enough for you, he would try to prove himself wrong, time and time again. that despite being dumped twice and a soon-to-be third time, he would still stick by your side, persistent if anything. he didn't just have feelings for you, a part of who he is today is built up by the successes you seemingly made him chase to become a better person in the name of you and for that, he could never see you in a different light and his heart will never fail to fail him at the sight of you.

but tonight, it's the contact name, my love, that lights his phone screen that makes his heart stutter. it's the way that your scratchy voice cracks through the speaker that makes his heart whimper. he gets up in fluid motions to shut the door of his bedroom closed, to allow himself to revel in your attention, undisturbed.

"hey there, i told you i'd call so i called," your think your voice sounds dumb, having rehearsed that same line a few times prior to actually following through with it. donghyuck loves it though, doesn't even acknowledge the rehearsed tone as he takes this as a chance to dive into a piled up vent on how his damned little sister, who shouldn't even know what girlfriends and boyfriends are, had outed his relationship with you in front of his whole family. he's nervous, but for only a split second because your hearty laughter fill his ears and suddenly sets the whole world still and at peace. he sighs in comfort as he listens to how your older brother brought his own boyfriend home and had been received just as warmly. he talks of how his mother's roast duck was slightly undercooked and how right in the middle of dinner he snuck it into the kitchen for an extra minute in the microwave. the two of you laugh at how chenle's proposition for a movie night gets widely left on read by everyone else in the group chat, though you end up feeling bad for the boy (and for laughing) and end up replying and setting up a time for when everyone returns to campus.

you feel a warm squirm in your heart and for once, you know what caused it. the boy on the other end of the line is so very endearing that you have no space for second guessing anymore. perhaps, perhaps.

talk dwindles down as you both get ready to go to bed at a starking 2:17 a.m. but it seems that sleepy you has more than enough to say. your eyes are on the brightly lit moon that's hanging out your window frame adjacent to your bed. you'd like to think that donghyuck is looking at the same moon, thinking the same things. it's a new but welcomed feeling that enters your heart, blooming into your lungs so that at the occurrence of every breath you take, you are reminded of the warmth he brings you. it's a sappy and deeply rooted feeling that you only now realize has been with you for ages on end and with this realization comes the courage to voice it aloud.

"i love you, hyuck. i fucking love you to bits and pieces."

you think he's already fallen asleep, the quiet that he's offering not doing any good to ease your wavering thoughts. not that you regretted saying what you said, it was truly what you felt for him, whether the relationship was real or not. but you weren't sure if he felt even remotely the same so staying under the umbrella of a fake relationship gave you the opportunity, should the times ever call, to recant your words in the name of performative indication.

the seconds were whizzing by quickly and your anxious mind counted to four minutes. four minutes of dead silence on his part. it's fine, you think as you hang up at the fifth minute, he probably just fell asleep. a weird feeling settles in the pits of your stomach that night. lee donghyuck likes you, that's for sure, but maybe you were the one that was rushing into it this time around. maybe hyuck expected you to bring up the fact that the two of you were still unofficially dating. or maybe he just liked to play around with your feelings while he could during this month. it was a mind boggling mess but you refused to let the boy get the best of you as you drifted off into sleep.

only god and lee donghyuck himself know that he heard you loud and clear that night. the three words he'd been yearning to hear finally and in actuality formed from your lips, for him and him only. but fate tells him it was only a figment of his half-asleep imagination, and only god knows that what he heard wasn't a dream.

huang renjun beckons lee donghyuck into the kitchen before the movie marathon begins. today marks one month. donghyuck pulls his phone out to see the hundred dollars even that renjun had transferred, he then transfers fifty of that to you. "so you guys still going strong?"

hyuck feels guilt and worry trickle between his grasps on confidence, "better than ever."

"she actually likes you back, huh, i can't believe i thought y'all would break up." renjun is pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, his gaze is turned towards the living room where everyone is gathered when donghyuck sees his eyebrows furrow. "shit, i forgot chenle invited mark." donghyuck turns to see his 'girlfriend' being hit on by one of his close upperclassmen. you seem to be oblivious but it's horridly obvious whenever mark attempts to flirt. seeing you smiling at his corny pickup lines, not quite laughing but not quite rejecting him either, donghyuck feels tendrils of unwelcome jealousy and hopeless distress as he traverses on light feet to where you're at, placing a hand on your lower back.

"hi, mark. it's been awhile, how're you these days?" he watches and, in what he knows is sick relief, mark blinks in surprise at the placement of his friend's hand that is plainly indicative of a relationship. "i've been pretty good, you?"

"great actually," donghyuck might've said that a little too enthusiastically, "i saw you were talking to y/n here. i don't think i've introduced you guys yet. mark, this is y/n, my girlfriend, y/n this is mark, a good friend of mine." he sees the pointed look you give him and is suddenly overcome with embarrassment. mark takes a few more minutes of your time before moving on to talk to renjun, the latter noting the tension between you and donghyuck and willing the boy away.

"donghyuck, what the fuck was that?" you're upset.

"what? he was being weird with you, i couldn't just sit here and pretend he wasn't." hyuck's attitude is snappy right off the bat and you can't help but seethe at how immature he's proving to be.

you retort, with equal force, "yeah, so what if he was flirting with me? what does that have to do with you?"

donghyuck starts to realize that there might be more to the reason you were so defensive in the first place, something having to do with the fact that in the most technical terms, he isn't exactly your boyfriend anymore. "y/n, why are you being like this?"

"like what? i think i'm being pretty rational."

"no. no, y/n, but he was outright flirting with you and you didn't even tell him you had a boyfriend." he knows he's grasping at loose strings but he needs to pry this out of you. to see how you really feel.

"hyuck, we need to talk about it. it's been a month."

as if you had laid it out straight for him, donghyuck feels the desperation crawl beneath his skin, "y/n, please." his tone is all of a sudden soft and you lock your eyes onto his. "let's not talk about it right now, please, not now." he watches as you bite your lower lip in contemplation and then as you nod lightly. "okay."

donghyuck isn't sure if his impulsive decisions have made him feel more relieved or afflicted with current circumstances. as the lights dim and the movie begins to run, he settles into the corner of the sectional that he claimed earlier that evening with his arms open wide. you don't hesitate to curl up on top of him, the warmth of his skin, all too familiar. both of you are ever so aware that this might as well be the last time your bodies are pressed against one another. and both of you are equally tormented by how true that may come to be.

the clock reads 3:37 a.m. when the movie ends and donghyuck is glad to see that the rest of the boys are quiet in exiting the room to their respective bedrooms. he can still feel the rise and fall of your chest on his and he's oh so careful not to move too abruptly, in the case that you might wake up and realize just where you had fallen asleep. he wishes that he could've spent a few more minutes, at least, admiring the curves of your face in the limited color the dim lights allow to reflect but it all passes too soon as someone (chenle) hits something (a doorframe) with some part of his body (his pinky toe) and wails out in pain (loud shrills), alerting you awake and anyone else that had the pleasure of falling straight asleep. he curses under his breath without realizing that you were right there and awake now, only feeling the embarrassment wash over him as your soft chuckle fills his ears.

"sorry, 'bout that. go back to sleep." his voice is low and you're so close to slipping back into unconsciousness but you will yourself to prop your chin up on his chest, directly above his quaking heart. "i'm hungry, hyuck."

he almost laughs at the absurdity of your statement. he guesses it's not completely unwarranted though since you have been asleep for the past nearly five hours but he still feels a small part of his subconscious mind tug at just how cute you are. so very cute.

"okay, princess. let's get you something to eat," he says as he dips his hands that were loosely looped around your back underneath your thighs and hoists both your combined weight up. your eyes are gleeful as he pulls you even closer to him, your own arms settling upon his shoulders. crossing the length of the room, he sets you down upon the kitchen counter. allowing himself to bask in your unadulterated attention for a few moments, he realizes the eerie silence that envelops the two of you. he slips his phone out from his sweatpants pocket and thumbs around until he lands upon a random playlist of his on spotify. hitting play, he sets the phone on the counter next to you, lowering the volume just a bit so that it wouldn't disturb the others in the house.

as donghyuck rummages through the fridge for some food, you fiddle with the zipper of the hooded jacket you're wearing. you're hit with the realization that the jacket isn't even yours to begin with and that it's hyuck's, the garment having been such a staple in your closet for the past month that it barely smells of him anymore, that it really is all yours at this point. looking around the dark room, you find yourself identifying everything you see in relation to hyuck. before you knew it, this little fake dating stunt had become so real that it was hard for you to swallow the feelings.

attempting to push past the oncoming wave of emotions, you focus your attention on other things. donghyuck's now throwing what looks like a years old hotpocket into the microwave without a plate. his back is turned to you but instead of getting lost in his messy bed hair and broad shoulders you notice the new song that replaces the previous one. it's mellow and soft and it takes you four seconds to realize just what song it is. slow dancing in the dark (by joji). maybe it really is about time to come clean with your feelings, no matter if they could be rejected or reciprocated. it isn't fair to be dragging this on, when it was fated to be ending right now, a reason to which you had broken up with him before anyways. for all you know, donghyuck might even be waiting for you to call it all off, in annoyance since the fifty dollars had already been done deal. looking around, you figure it's now or never as you slide off the counter, landing carefully on sock-clad feet. padding over, you wrap donghyuck in a snug back hug, hoping that he catches on to the situation.

he does, eventually, after you spin him about and lace your hands around his neck, swinging him around in exaggerated and silly motions. he responds with a hushed, "oh!" and continues prancing around with you before finally settling against the steady beat. the song does its job so well in calming your heart that you almost forget the reason you were a jittery mess in the first place. you prep your sappy, truth-laden speech with gruesome effort, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. little do you know, donghyuck is planning the same monologue, equally as gruesome.

the beep of the microwave resounds in the background, alerting you of how you came to this situation in the first place. but with this, his head dips into the crook of your neck as the song comes to a slow and you move your hand from his back to cradle his head. "what's wrong?" the kitchen is now silent, save for the occasional chirp of crickets and your feet shuffling around the tiled floor. donghyuck is silent himself, an inner debate ensuing your question. his chest feels heavy, the burden of a thousand lies resting upon it whilst he can only hold back his tears. he has everything he's ever wanted from you. to rest in your arms, to land a smile upon your lips, to hear an 'i love you' escape those very lips. he feels his emotions bubble up within him, threatening to spill before they really do, in the form of a soft, "i love you, y/n. that's what's wrong, i love you."

he raises his head causing your hands drop down to his back and he instantly misses the way they caressed the locks beneath his ears. he meets your eyes, through the thick haze of blackness that shrouded the room. "and i love you too," you say, voice equally soft but treading carefully; you're still unaware of the problem he's presenting, "what so wrong about that?" you tiptoe so that your foreheads meet and he has to suppress the urge to kiss you right then and there, to evade the hurt he knows will come, and so he simply hugs your body flush against his, as a substitute to his desires. your breaths tickles his nose and he closes his eyes, relishing in the moment before inevitably breaking it by saying, "because i mean it… and you- you don't. not in the way i do." your eyes penetrate his and your mouth parts to voice a response but he cuts you to it. "y/n, my love for you is real. it's always been. and i knew what i was getting into asking you do this with me but, i really wanted a second chance. i wanted it so bad and when renjun brought up the bet, even if it was fake, i just knew i had to take it. and i know this is shitty of me to just drop this on you while we're having this- this moment but i can't keep lying and pretending that my love for you is just- that it's conditional."

donghyuck lets out a breathy sigh as your hands fall from his back, his heart falling with them too. he can't see the expression on your face anymore, his eyes are glossed over with tears that are at the cusp of falling, but he isn't sure that he wants to. he's mad at himself for ruining the most perfect moment, for ruining such a calm night. the tension in the air is almost palpable but it's ripped to shreds as your hands return to cup his cheeks. tilting your head a little, you lean in for a sweet kiss, a small smile lifting the corners of your mouth as you withdraw. "who says i don't love you for real?"

it takes more than two minutes for donghyuck to collect himself, still in doubt of whether he's dreamt up the whole situation or if you are, in fact, being real. you're standing in his arms to remind him that you really are, sneaking small kisses on his cheeks every time he thinks he's finally calmed down. it's a lover's dream to be lee donghyuck, and y/l/n y/n can only fall deeper in love with every blossom of a blush rosing the tips of his ears.

you thank god, or whoever blessed this boy upon your life, that donghyuck was there that night at that stupid, stupid valentine's dance. and above all, you are endlessly indebted to renjun for his stupid, stupid bet. but mostly, you can't contain the utter awe you hold for donghyuck for simply being the perfect man he is. contrary to everyone's belief (and even your own, up until recently), donghyuck isn't an insufferable person. what they see is just a shell of a man who's too afraid to be the center of attention in any way other than 'the funny guy.' and realistically, it's only with the girl who's stolen his heart that he knows it's more than okay to be vulnerable and that maybe, just maybe, it's the only way to steal her heart back.

y/n and donghyuck share a love story they know they're lucky to be able to tell their kids and maybe even their grandkids. and if they have anything to learn from it, it's that falling in love is not just a matter of time but of circumstances, impulsive decisions, and reckless emotions. well, mostly just reckless emotions.

✧ end note — i got my first few likes on this blog a few days back and while i can say with full confidence that i do not write for follows and likes, it made me happy in the small yet extremely gratifying ways that simply writing and posting cannot. so for those few people who interacted with the teaser for this fic as well as anyone else who read up till here, guys, gals, and non-binary pals, i hope each and every one of you enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing this. with love, rouiyan.

#nct #nct fics #dreamwritersnet #nct-writers #nct haechan #haechanxreader #haechan imagine #haechan scenario #haechan fluff #haechan angst #haechan fic #i fucking did it #a whole 2k over projected amount #pain in the ass to proofread #tempted to write a spinoff for jeno and jaein #neck hurts #rouiyan fics #rouiyan writes

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