#the way I had to force myself to write this thing

[missingininaction]

alright, friends, i might say something you don't like but i think it's important. not just to defend a character, but because i think this is literally making people's experience and relationship with this game worse.

give jimmy like two seconds to exist.

by hating jimmy so much you refuse to even say his name, and judge real, living people for liking him, you are cheapening your experience by boiling down the main character to the most ~yuckiest~ moments. and, by not making a seperate space for hating on him, you are drowning out the voices of people who actually have nuanced things to say about his character. you know, the skilled writers and artists that feed the fandom? limitation is what kills fandoms, you have to know that.

is jimmy a good person? no. is he a good captain/companion/worker? Absolutely Not! he crumbles like dust under any pressure and he immediately shifts blame off of himself, he is an actively harmful individual and it's right to be upset by his actions. i literally had to stop myself from saying "man FUCK jimmy." multiple times because i didn't want to spoil how terrible he got to my friends when i showed the game to them.

but you have to understand; people are more than their actions. thats part of the entire point of the game. thats why its so abstract. you are meant to think about the nuances of their situation.

we can agree that anya was way more as a woman than what happened to her and what she did as a result of it, right? that despite her best efforts, she was a victim of circumstance, and she deserves to be understood and analyzed fully?

then why, seeing a fictional man who has done immoral things, are you so disgusted you won't even draw, write or discuss him outside of hate? what is that doing for you, to ignore literally the main character of the game because of his actions?

now, this is not to say people can't hate jimmy. i understand it! as someone who has been a victim of s/a and abuse, i understand if you hate him and are even triggered by him to the point of avoiding mention of him. (but...why are you in this fandom? ((not aggressive im genuinely asking)))

you can feel however you want about any character, my goal is not to control people. but i thought it was common knowledge to not hatepost about someone in their tag? over actual insight into his character and, you know, the main themes of the game?

jimmy is a man who has struggled his whole life. both him and curly confirm that in the game. he's unable to control his emotional outbursts, and he likely had no idea what to expect from being in fucking SPACE for over a year with people he probably didn't even know before that trip. and pony express and their corporate safety corner cutting certainly didnt help, did it?

for one reason or another, he most likely was never actually taught how to manage his emotions. that's just how it is sometimes, growing up as a man. and it would make sense if he was forced to deal with everything himself, no? he always complains, but he still says he'll handle it. because that's what he's always had to do. and this is just the start of what i could say about what made him the way that he is.

he's a victim too, not only of his own actions.

surprise surprise, people who do awful things can also be victims.

honestly, this entire situation baffles me. how are you going to avoid one of the main characters of the game, let alone the one you play as ninety percent of the time? mind you, curly is also guilty, and i am happy to see at least some people giving him space for nuance. because he is also a victim!!! why is it so impossible to see jimmy as nuanced, when literally every other character also has incredible depth to them??

you're tarnishing and spitting on the beautiful writing of this game just because one character is too icky for you to feel comfortable thinking about for too long. it's horror, you absolute morons. it's supposed to make you uncomfortable.

if you hate jimmy, i dont blame you. but please, please, make your own space for it. be kind to people who want to explore jimmy and the darker themes, and like him for what his character represents. this is a video game fandom, not a witch hunt. and please, learn some fandom etiquette while you're at it, okay? okay. thank you

also just say his name. its not a slur youre not gonna go to hell if you say jimmy. like this isn't as important but still it just feels like a microcosm of this whole thing.

[postoctobrist]

When me and my friends were young (but not that young) our small hometown town somehow got the money to build a 1000ft long pedestrian suspension bridge. We were bored and found that if we grabbed the suspension cable at its lowest point and pushed and pulled it at the right frequency we could slowly build up oscillations in the bridge. You could feel the walkway swaying underneath us and see the movement in the main suspension cable. We would do this with several people with one person counting out the beat until the oscillations got so large that the suspenders attaching the walk way to the main cable started to slam into the hand rail and make a horrible clanging noise. Then we would all be scared, and no longer bored so we would stop.

While doing this I was aware of the differential equations describing first and second order resonance in elastic structures with and without dampening. I had studied several engineering disasters where cyclic loading close to some multiple of the resonance frequency lead to collapse of buildings and bridges. It is a small town and I was bored.

I am bad at transitions, and I would like to ask for advice/articulate something. Mostly to force myself to articulate thoughts I have never spoken about, and you do not have to read all this. Because it is very long and large parts of it are honestly pretty horrible. I have for some time been making a very conscious effort to not think about "my gender". Because I felt that there would be no use in thinking about myself through that lens. Telling myself that I can do whatever I want regardless of gender. This seemed to work for me except I find myself paralyzed. I cannot imagine myself in a romantic or sexual relationship. Romantic or sexual attention I receive feels like it is intended for somebody else. Even in situations that should be simple where attraction is mutual I feel confused and conflicted. As I write this I am wearing clothes somebody gave to me almost a decade ago, they have holes in them and I never really considered what they look like to other people. A couple times a year when I make budget or apply for a job etc I thin about the future but only ever a year or two ahead. This future blindness gets so bad I often can't even make plans for the weekend. I find myself looking at my reflection as if trying to find something wrong with my appearance but I couldn't put my finger on any specific flaw. I look like an attractive man, what else could I ask for.

I have recently allowed myself to think about this and I am not sure that it is helping. I realize now that being a man can be an exhausting constant effort for me, and that certain things that I have been doing can alleviate this pressure. When I wear my long hair down, I do not imagine that I have become a women, but the act of wearing my long hair down and shaving my entire face is not something I would do to look like the manliest man. This almost symbolic rejection of my internal drive to act as a man has a profound effect on me. Especially when I am alone I find this very calming, my mind is a little quieter, my breathing is a little deeper.

However in public this is often over shadowed by a new discomfort. My already ever present sense of danger in public is heightened. Around many men I feel physically unsafe, as if a threat of violence lies just under the surface of every interaction. Around women my discomfort around men and with myself seem to combine and I cannot shake the feeling that I will make them feel unsafe. Making women feel unsafe makes me unsafe and so on. All this is worse the more feminine I am.

My small symbolic gestures of femininity in private would seem to have no real downside. Their benefits seem to come into effect as soon as stop trying to look masculine. However in the perception of others I feel a pressure to appear either completely man or women. I now find myself trying to appear feminine and this might be worse. Outside perception of me feels completely beyond my control. Which is a good excuse for me to repress any thoughts or feelings about it. I want to accept that this is outside my control, and also that I desperately want to control it.

Some of things I believe about this view of me from the outside are not things I would ever want to put on anyone else. I have never seen a person that would look worse with some musculature, and have always found strong people aesthetically pleasing and attractive. I enjoy being strong, it practical utility, the sense of security it provides me, and as an accomplishment I am proud of. Yet at the same time I sometimes find myself revolted by my muscles. My size, my veins, my bones, nothing about them is wrong except that they are there.

I feel I need to juxtapose any feminine attributes against my masculine ones (one earring is allowed but with short hair. Long hair is allowed in a bun but with stubble). To appear as a feminine man and not a failed attempt at manliness. Is this my reaction to a societal pressure or my own misandry against weak men? I have no way of knowing. Similarly I feel that the only way to be extremely feminine or a woman would be to subject myself to sexual objectification, and infantilization ("femboys" are only feminine as long as they are somebodies fetish and because they are boys and not adults). Again I cannot say if this is my reaction to a societal trend or my own judgement on other people. Either way I cannot help but feel that this pedophilic degrading view of femininity and women is a moral sin I have committed. Yet what possible use could there be in applying a moral judgement on my own thoughts? I don't choose to feel or think these things. I don't want to wear booty shorts, or dress up like a princess. Do I think less of those who do? If don't subject myself to this degradation in exchange for femininity will it be because I have the self respect of a man? Or is it just cowardice.

I don't want to look like a trans women. I want what my grandma has. She is a matriarch. The varicose veins on her arms, her short hair, a raspy laugh, a double mastectomy, these things are just the type of women she is. She is a mother of mothers. She might not be asked to pray over the meal, but her wisdom is an open secret among those that are really looking for ruthlessly honest advice. She must enjoy wearing jewelry (or she wouldn't bother) but never seems to take it too seriously. When telling a story about how she fought a bear off her daughters or cracking a joke about how she will die any day now her womanhood is so effortless, so inconsequential, so in the background that it almost seems almost useless.

oh my fucking god lady just take the fucking estrogen

[yelenasdiary]

Hello…I didn’t expect to make this request, but I didn’t know who else to turn to, and you’re the most active writer I’ve followed for so long that is still around. (And I’m happy for that, sincerely)

Well, before I request something, let me explain why. I…I’m saying goodbye. (Not that way, don’t worry) I’m saying goodbye…to the fandom…specifically, to reading Natasha x reader fics. I tried for a while to hope for fics where Reader was more of the knight in shining armor, masc presenting woman, or the top in the relationship, but…well, that didn’t happen much. And I’m not bashing on anyone for writing reader as more of the opposite. Not at all, everyone is entitled to write how they want to write….but I can’t just keep coming here and continue to see it be the same troupe. And no matter how much I request for one (and when requests are asked and open) it never happens, and instead it’s something else I didn’t request. So…I think it’s best for me to bid farewell. I cant force writers to write what I want, that’s not how it works. It’s a dick move

Here’s what I want to ask…for my final Natasha x reader fic request:

Reader is a soldier for the United States Air Force. Natasha has been busy as an Avenger. Reader, on leave, tried to spend time with Natasha but was always met with rain checks. On top of that, Natasha has always treated reader as the frail, need to protect, girlfriend, and reader always made it clear she wasn’t much for the pillow process type.

Anyways, reader decides to re-enlist for another deployment and begin a new life, maybe somewhere in Germany I don’t know. But, as she’s packing to leave is when Natasha FINALLY decides to give her the time of day….but it’s too late.

Reader sits Natasha down and says along the lines this, “I’m not the person you want…and we’ve just become different people and are pursuing different things….” She’d go on about how as much as she loves Natasha, she can’t be the partner she expects of her. She’s tired of being made out to be this woman that’s made to be the trophy wife or something like that. That she should find someone who can connect and click with her. Be her true soulmate.

Natasha is heartbroken and wants to fix things. Not expecting this at all. Pleading for a second chance but reader stands her ground. No tears shed, but she’s not cold to her either. Reader leaves, Natasha follows her all the way to the airport, tries one last time but reader doesn’t give in….she bids the redhead farewell…and thanks her for the memories that were amazing. She wishes nothing but happiness for her and a happy life.

…that’s it. Write it, toss it away, it’s fine. I’m just going to leave this here, do with it what you want.

Thanks for the fics you made, specifically the ones where you portrayed reader as the knight in shining armor.

Signing off.

A Final Goodbye

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Masc! Reader

Summary: You take a step back and do what is best for you, and Natasha. 

Angst, Comfort

Warnings: None, if I missed any, please let me know | 1.1K

AC: Thank you for sending this in, I am sorry to hear that you’re leave and I do hope that you’re still around to read this. I do apologise for it taking me a while to get it out, I also just want to say that I do not consider myself a masc lesbian so I do apologise in advance if anything in this is not giving that representation. Rest assured, this is Reader being the lead in this. I hope you enjoy x

You took a deep breath as you zipped up the last duffel bag, feeling the weight of your decision settle across your shoulders. Your small apartment almost empty, leaving most of your belongings in storage. Carefully, you placed the duffle bag with the others before taking a moment to gather your thoughts. 

It had been playing on your mind for a while now, keeping you up at night while you tossed and turned endlessly, wishing things were different but too much had changed over time. You tried to spend time with her, but you only met with rain checks or last-minute cancellations. You missed her but you couldn’t stop thinking about the drift between you two. 

Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, the woman you fell for. At first, things were great, you both were on the same page and were very much in the ‘honeymoon’ phase almost every day but like all couples, there were things that you would argue about and there were plenty of things that made you both frustrated. One thing you couldn’t understand was why Nat would consistently treat you like a frail and need to be protected girlfriend. As much as you loved that she cared for you, you hated being treated like a pillow princess. It wasn’t you. 

You didn’t need saving; you didn’t need protecting. You needed somebody who understood you and loved you for you. You always made it clear to Natasha that the pillow princess type wasn’t you at all, you always reminded her that you didn’t need her to protect you from every little thing, after all, you were a soldier. But something about being firm with her just didn’t stick. So, you made the decision to re-enlist for another deployment, making sure that the next time you returned, things would be different. Not just for you but for Natasha as well. 

Natasha knocked softly on the door; it was time. You took a deep breath and reached for the door handle, meeting her soft green eyes for the first time in weeks. Her famous red locks still damp from the rain outside, her expression a mix of relief and uncertainty. 

“Hey,” she said softly, her eyes locking with yours. 

You couldn’t help the soft smile that pulled on your lips, “Hey, I’m glad you could come” you replied, opening the door wider for her. 

 “I’m so glad you’re still here. I… I thought you might be gone already.” She said softly, her eyes darting to the small pile of duffle bags. 

“I leave tomorrow” you replied, watching as Nat turned around to face you once more. “Can we talk, please?” She asked, her gaze locked onto you. “I want to give you time to talk but I really need you to listen to me first” you said as you gestured that the two of you take a seat. Natasha let out a soft sigh, deep down she knew she wasn’t leaving your apartment the same woman she came as. 

The two of you took a seat at the dining table, the cold surface somehow bringing a little comfort to you in this moment as you gently reached for Natasha’s hand. You looked into her eyes for a moment, taking in the beauty she held. 

“I love you so much, I always will but I need to honest with you, with us. This isn’t so much about the fact our schedules suck and the rain check are rain check. This is about us and how I’m not the person you want” you paused for a moment, taking a deep breath in before continuing. “We’ve become different people. We’re pursuing different things and different dreams. I can’t be the partner you expect of me. I’m tired of you only seeing me as this fragile person who needs to protect. I’m a soldier, I’m in the air force. I can hold my own and I want to be respected for that” you added. 

“Detka, I do respect you. You’re everything to me, I don’t mean to make you feel like that….I just, I care about you so, so much but I can’t deal with the thought if something were to happen to you” Natasha pleaded, tears pooling in her eyes.

You smiled softly, trying to keep your own tears from building up, “I know you respect me Nat, but, when you’re around others, you’re not the same. We go from being one to two different people and somehow, you think I’m the one who needs to protected and treated differently….” You paused for a moment, your thumb stroking her soft skin. “We both know that love is such a big, beautiful and powerful thing. It means a lot of things and one of those things is knowing when to let go. You deserve somebody who can give you everything you want, but we know deep down it’s not me” you added. 

A silence fell between you both, Natasha’s face falling, her defenses crumbling as you continued. “I want you to find happiness, even if that means without me. You deserve it.”

“But… what if we can work it out? I can be better, I promise” Natasha said, pleading, her voice breaking as her tears began to fall freely down her cheeks. 

“I’m sorry Nat, but it’s too late. I need a fresh start, and I think you need one too”

Natasha’s expression shifted from desperation to heartbreak as she nodded at your words. Wiping her tears on the sleeve of her shirt, she stood up. “I don’t want to hold you back” she said softly, barely able to look into your eyes. You stood up from your seat, swallowing the lump in your throat as she reached out to hug you one last time. 

“Please be safe” she whispered, “and write to me whenever you’re ready” she added, hugging you tightly. You hugged her back, allowing yourself to feel the love she has for you one last time, hugging her just as tightly back. “I promise” you replied in the same soft whisper. 

As you two parted, you smiled softly at her, hoping it would somehow ease her broken heart a little. “I know this wasn’t what you expected but I want you to know that all the memories we share and the time we had, it was beautiful, and I will forever cherish them. I want nothing but love and happiness for you, don’t hold yourself back from find another love. Be happy Nat, you deserve that” you said.

To your surprise the redhead returned a soft smile, “I will always love you” she spoke ever so gently. 

“And I will always love you” you replied. 

Natasha turned, and headed for the door. You watched her leave, closing the door gently behind her, taking with her a piece of your heart. You took a moment for yourself, part of you broken from the words shared but the other half excited knowing a new chapter awaited. The memories of Natasha would always be with you, reminding you that love can be found again.

Taglist:  @boredandneedfanfics | @music-4ever | @karmasgxrl | @milkeeteaa | @marvelwomen-simp | @swaqcenix | @mostlymarvelsstuff | @scarlettbitchx | @mallyka-blog | @itsalwaysskorpioszn | @angel68104 | @x-natsarrownecklace-x | @caporal-nino | @natashamaximoff-69 | @evilcr0ne | @boredandneedfanfics | @teganmiller | @ihavezeroclue13 | @tobiaslut | @anonwhowrites | @itsmelulu | @koinsss | @cigarsandscotchallday | @nuianced-tck-enby | @springsheep | @prentgarcialuvr | @stayevildarling | @mommysgoodlittlebrat | @marvelnatasha12346 | @mrromanoff | @starryskiesandboys | @ddreader04 | @ahintofchaos | 

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[sendpseuds]

WIP Wednesday - Perfect Spiral

desperately trying to motivate myself to write this chapter, but at least I have one scene I can share. hopefully, you won't have to wait too long for the rest.

-

"What are you wearing?"

Anakin's voice is low and husky through the phone, making Obi-Wan's pulse race and blood heat even as he rolls his eyes.

"You know what I'm wearing," he chuckles, the door to his hotel room clicking shut behind him, "You picked it out."

Well.

Originally Anakin had pulled an entirely different suit out of Obi-Wan's closet — a stunning sapphire three-piece from a few years ago that clung to his thighs more than he remembered but the heated look in Anakin's eyes told him the tighter fit might not be such a bad thing. By the time Anakin was done with him, the blue suit was bound for the dry cleaners and Obi-Wan had half a mind to cancel his trip.

A part of him still wishes he had.

"Just arrived at my hotel."

Touchdown to takeoff, Obi-Wan will have been in Alderaan for just over twelve hours, though the trip feels like an eternity — straight from practice to the airport, two and a half hours in the air, only to be delayed on the runway, forcing him to change on the plane into a suit that Anakin didn't immediately want to ruin [which apparently disqualifies anything with a vest,] heading straight to Breha's fundraising gala where he'd smiled through the pain of yet another event without Anakin by his side.

Suddenly the hours remaining between Obi-Wan and takeoff feel entirely too long.

"Couldn't wait to talk to me, huh?" Anakin purrs, his voice so smug Obi-Wan can practically see the cocky grin painted across that boy's beautiful face, "You're so needy."

Shrugging off his jacket and kicking off his shoes, Obi-Wan can't help but smile. "Oh, sure," he replies, pulling off his already loosened tie and removing his copper cufflinks, a benign bite in his tone, low and laced with sticky sarcasm, "You want a mold of my cock for Christmas, but I'm the needy one."

Through the beats of silence, Obi-Wan is certain he can feel the way heat creeps across Anakin's cheeks.

"I was just joking about that."

He wasn't.

"Of course you were, baby."

[fleshengine]

I'm experiencing a weird level of cognitive dissonance rn because I'm a couple weeks into a depressive spiral and people keep being nice to me and I think I don't deserve it and yet.

I just had a meeting with my media writing prof and after learning that it'd probably be the last time I see him this year (our class just doesn't meet the last few weeks), I asked if I could hug him and when he hugged me back he repeated "you're a good person" a few times as he patted my back. I'm really behind in the work for his class, but he said forget it and just work on the final project and he'll pass me. He listened to my problems in my other classes and seems to genuinely care. I don't understand it.

Again and again and again I am shown kindness that I swear I do not deserve. Why? Why can't everyone just hate me? It would be so much easier if I was given up on! I could go home and rot in my room and kill myself in five years when I hit 26 and achieve nothing with my life. But nooooo I'm likeable and people care about me so time and time again they see me stumble and lend me a hand that I sully with a touch. I cannot compare. I cannot balance on their shoulders. The rope ladder they throw down chafes my hands and they reach down and tell me one more rung!

In a just world I wouldn't receive this support. Then again, in a just world the things that made me this way wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't need this support. The world is unfair and I am forced to accept the advantage over and over.

[aspenlovesmedia]

Time to talk about Martin as a Buried avatar because I am aware this seems like an odd choice in my au but I have my reasons.

So, to get a little personal for a moment (this is relevant I promise), I have often felt trapped by my own mental illnesses, my differences to others, and my need for people to like me. For a long time I forced myself to do whatever I could to help others because in my mind if I didn’t then they would have no reason to like me and people had to like me because it was better that I was burning myself out than being alone again. I think you can see the similarities between my own experiences and Martin.

The Buried I think is often overlooked, and I feel like a lot could have been done with being trapped by your own anxiety, where you’re buried underneath the worries of everyone else and can’t escape the hell of your own creation because you’re so afraid to be a bad person.

While Martin very much fits the Lonely and the Web, I feel season 1/2 Martin had such a potential to become aligned with the Buried instead. Rather than isolating himself, Martin becomes more and more desperate to help everyone around him because if he helps them, then he’s useful, but this also leaves him unable to do anything else. He’s so caught up in keeping everyone else happy (or at least as close to it as he can get them) that he struggles to do anything else. His anxiety around how others view him traps him, and the powers around him want him stuck.

Now the Shifted Gaze Martin is in a slightly different situation to canon Martin by the time the story starts as he’s actually friends with Jon. Jon is already well on his way to becoming a Web avatar, so he’s a pretty different person to what he is in canon. He’s still really not the best at socialising, but it’s more in a he says the bare minimum of words he needs to rather than he’s being a dick kind of way. To put a long story short, Martin sees this man who is completely alone, and makes it his mission to ensure Jon isn’t as alone as he is.

The thing is in doing so, he accidentally becomes the one thing keeping Jon’s humanity alive, and that makes Martin the perfect target for the Buried. Martin begins by being trapped trying to help Jon, then that extends to Sasha and Tim when he joins the archival team, and he does not have the time or energy to take care of himself. Martin and Jon’s dynamic in this au is really not the healthiest lol. I’d say it gets better but that would be a lie. Martin so strongly ties himself to the people he cares for he stops caring about what happens to himself, and when certain events happen, well let’s just say the Buried gets a new avatar.

Martin is still aligned with the Lonely in some ways in this au, but the Buried is what claims him.

Btw sorry if any of this is rambly or doesn’t make sense, I am writing this while sleep deprived lol. I feel like this will really start to make sense as I write him in the actual story rather than me explaining it this way since I have to leave out some major things due to spoiler reasons. If you have questions please feel free to ask them I would love to answer.

[wheel-of-fics]

Fanfiction Author Interview Game

Thank you for the tag, @kotaka-kun! I'm trying to get back into writing and am forcing myself to get in a better fic-writer mindset.

How many works do you have on AO3?

14 (but more on FFN, from the olden times)

What's your total AO3 word count?

209.294 (442,145 on FFN)

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Unsung

Out of the Woods

Old Haunts

Turnabout

Restoration

(If we're considering legacy FFN stuff, By Starlight would fall just after Unsung, and The Ivory Tower would probably be on the list, but since it's forever unfinished I like to pretend it doesn't exist.)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Usually! Although they sometimes fall through the cracks. I am really, really appreciative of comments and try to respond earnestly, but I feel like my replies start to sound like a broken record and it's awkward.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

IIIII don't know. Maybe Burn? I almost always turn angst into a happy ending by the end of the story. It's self-preservation.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

See previous answer—can't pick one!

Do you write crossovers?

I have not attempted to yet!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I've received several passive-aggressive comments and seen some not-nice things said about my work elsewhere, but I'm not sure I've gotten any straight-up hate comments, thankfully.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do; it's usually a part of a story and not the sole reason for it (though I have done that, too).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of...

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, Unsung and maybe something else (?) (it's been a while) has been translated into Chinese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I think I would drive a co-author insane.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Uhhhh I can't pick, actually...I'll come back to this later (I won't)

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Red Death Riding JUST KIDDING but it does feel like that sometimes. Still, we persevere.

What are your writing strengths?

Ughghgh I don't know. I’ve been told I'm good at pacing, and that balance between like inner thoughts and external goings-on. (There is a better way to say that, but I'm tired.) Um...I think I'm pretty good at sentence flow? And...punctuating correctly? I sure hope I'm decent at character development. And I like to think I bring original ideas to the table.

What are your writing weaknesses?

The ideation of it all (though this hasn't always been the case��it's a work in progress), and honestly just getting words on the page. It's so hard to turn off the editor brain I use for work, and I feel like I'm always editing myself before, during, and after every sentence. I also wish I could delve deeper into the thoughts and reactions of characters who aren't like me.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Not a huge fan. It can be OK if done well, but it often takes me out of the narrative.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I have enough trouble focusing on my current fic/fandom as it is! Don't make me think about other things!

What's your favorite fic you've written?

I honestly don’t have one. I see each fic as a stepping stone in the course of my writing journey—a challenge that I issued to myself and completed—and I'm usually looking forward to the next challenge instead of back.

I haven't been around much lately and don't know who all has done this! I'll try tagging @musicalhell @les-gnossiennes-fantomatiques @emotionalmotionsicknessxx and @rienerose (but please feel free to ignore!).

[thesightstoshowyou]

Hi hi! I was wondering when you come back to writing requests, could I ask for a Pennywise/Bob Gray FanFiction with a Fem reader sharing her first time with him but it’s noncon but he tries to be gentle with her. She knows about him through the town they live in, reader is home from college which thrills him and finds a way to take her. Maybe some chest play from Penny? I really hope this is okay to ask! I love love love your penny stories there so good! Can’t get enough ❤️❤️

You are an angel for waiting so long for this. Thank you for your patience 🙇🏻‍♀️

Idk if Penny can be considered gentle in this one, but I suppose he’s gentle compared to how I usually write him 😂

~~

Use

Bob Gray/Pennywise x F Reader (NSFW)

Warnings: Noncon in the back of a van baybeee, social anxiety, age difference, objectification, degradation, supernatural elements, nipple play, fingering, loss of virginity, threats, crying, a little daddy kink, put that reader in a mating press—readers love mating press, creampie, cum eating

It starts with a prickle.

The fine hairs on the back of your neck and along your arms raise as your skin tightens and tingles. In your belly, unease writhes like a thousand snakes. Your shoulders tense as your feet dig into aging tile, ready to flee should your nervous system give the order.

Except…. You’re standing in the middle of the grocery store bakery, a warm loaf of freshly baked French bread clutched in your white knuckled grip, paper cover crinkling against your palm. It’s 1:00PM on a Thursday. Why on earth do you feel like a cornered animal here of all places?

Cautiously, you glance to your right. You find nothing more than muffins, croissants, and danishes all gleaming temptingly from their plastic containers. An employee restocks the organic section, her back to you.

To your left….

Your throat goes dry when you meet the piercing blue gaze of the lanky man hovering at the end of the aisle. Buck teeth peek out between full lips, lips that glisten with spit and curl into an unnerving grin. Long fingers slip from a tattered, tweed pocket and raise to greet you with a cartoonish waggle.

Recognition is instant. Robert Gray is unmistakable, even if the last time you saw him was as a child. Though, why the hell he’s staring so intently is beyond you. You barely know the guy.

And he hasn’t aged a day….

Suddenly, the room tilts and your stomach lurches. Your shoes squeak on tile when your legs flail, as though they’ve come unstuck from the ground beneath you. Wildly, you reach out to grip a shelf when you begin to float right up into the air.

You blink.

The feeling vanishes as quickly as it came. Your feet are flat on the floor. On the shelf, your hand shakes as you hold on for dear life.

Had anything even changed at all?

Mr. Gray still leers at you from the end of the aisle. Gasping, trembling, and not knowing what else to do, you raise your own hand and tentatively wave back. He responds with a titter and a wink before slinking away.

Once more you glance around, wondering if anyone else saw this bizarre exchange or your strange behavior. You’re only a little relieved to find yourself alone. Saved from embarrassment, but not the fear that still clings to the back of your throat.

**

At the checkout sits Marge, as round as ever. You recall the powdery smell of her perfume, unchanged from when you clung to the hem of your mother’s dress as a child. Derry remains as static as ever.

She greets you generically as you set your purchases on the conveyor belt. The beep as your goods are scanned fills the space between the two of you and saves you from conversation. You’re thankful she doesn’t recognize—

“Well, goodness gracious, I hardly recognized you!” You spoke too soon, it seems. Marge says your name like a question and you force a smile and a nod. “Where have you been, missy?”

Awkward chuckle, “Ah, college. Just back for a few weeks, visiting mom.”

“Oh I bet she is loving that.”

“Ha, yeah….”

“You kids just grow up so fast. So, tell me about school! How many boyfriends do you have?” You bite the inside of your cheek when she ends her question with a self-satisfied giggle.

“Oh, no, nothing like that. Just…focusing on school, you know….”

You continue on this like for another agonizing minute or two, forcing out answers to Marge’s barrage of questions until she prattles off your total and hands over your groceries.

“Say hi to your mom for me!”

“Will do, thanks Marge.” The bell above the door jingles as you flee to the parking lot. Afternoon sun catches you full in the face and momentarily blinds you. You manage a scrunched glance left and right before crossing the road to your vehicle.

Strained huffing from somewhere nearby makes you pause. Furiously blinking to adjust to the light, you find Mr. Gray at the rear of the white panel van parked next to your car. The back doors are wide open as he attempts to load what appears to be a folding table all on his own. Attempting, and failing.

You only hesitate for a heartbeat. He’s a weird guy, a bit unnerving with his nineteenth century garb and knowing smile, but he doesn’t deserve to throw his back out.

“Need any help?” you ask, setting your purchases on your trunk and hurrying over to him. Where did he even get this from…?

“What a good girl, gracious little thing, helping old Mr. Gray.” The strange lilt of his voice almost makes you wince. His wide, blue eyes rove over your face and down your neck until the hair on your arms raises in alarm once again. Your own eyes flick down to his wetted bottom lip, so slick it appears drool will spill over any moment. You swallow thickly for him.

“Uh, yeah, let me just, um—

Bob moves to the end of the table still sitting out in the parking lot so you have no choice but to take the other end that is half lodged in the vehicle. It’s awkward, crouching and backing into the van while maneuvering the load, but you manage to shuffle all the way to the front seats until the damn thing comes to rest on the floor of the van. Easy enough—

SLAM.

All at once the sunlight disappears but for the weak imitation trickling in through the windshield. It takes your brain a moment to realize Bob has followed you into the van and slammed the doors shut, though how he managed to move so quickly is beyond you. He now sits between you and the exit, cast in shadow.

“Little treat might be too gracious for her own good, hmm? She makes it too easy for ollllld Mr. Gray.”

‘What are you playing at?!’ The question is there, right on the tip of your tongue, but it freezes and dies when Robert Gray’s eyes glow, glow like golden fire burning unnaturally from the shadowed corner of the van. Terror zips up your spine as you choke on a shout and scramble away, intent on clambering over the center console for the driver’s side door.

Long fingers wrap around your ankle and yank. Your own digits slip on vinyl seats and you crash face first into the accursed table top. Onto your back you roll as Bob slinks over you, wedges his hips between yours, and pins you down with an impossibly strong hand around your neck. Every muscle strains as you try to buck or twist or anything, but he doesn’t even budge, doesn’t even give a millimeter.

How, how…?

Wet warmth splatters onto your cheek. Drool has spilled over his lip, a steady stream of spit that reeks of decay raining down on the side of your face and dripping into your hair. It’s further smeared up to your brow when Bob crushes his lips to the side of your head to noisily inhale. He titters, a little giggle you feel inside your head that rattles your teeth.

“Its fear is unsoiled, yes, fresh like a babe.” Confusion at his words plucks at the back of your mind, but your panic is too intense and overwhelming to spare it full attention.

“What—p-please, please stop, I don’t—

“You don’t, no, no, you haven’t. Have you, little treat?” The deep growl of his voice shakes your own chest. He looks at you expectantly as he speaks, buck teeth on full display, golden eyes wide and staring. One of them drifts to the side and you try your best to melt into the tabletop at your back.

Furiously, you shake your head back and forth and stammer out a, “Bob, please, I d-don’t understand—

“No boyfriends, it says. No fumbling hands that prod and squeeze, no one to use it like the meat it is. Sweet. Untouched. Meat.”

You blink and shake in shock. Your mouth opens but no words escape. Bob laughs, high and piercing and you flinch at the ferocity of it.

How…how could he know that…?

“No hiding from me, little bite. Mr. Gray can see it allllll. Now he has you here, all to himself. And he’s soooo hungry.” The last, rumbled word reverberates around the van and you scream, arch, kick your legs only to freeze in place when Bob ruts against you. The hard girth straining against his trousers slides deliberately along the length of your clothed cunt and, suddenly, the end game becomes frighteningly apparent.

“N-n-no, no, oh god please, don’t—

“Not like you had imagined it, is it, tiny thing? No candlelight. No love. Just old Mr. Gray and his teeth.” He sets them against your cheek, his teeth, as his free hand weasels under your shirt. You loose a protesting grunt when spidery fingers push aside your bra to pinch a nipple between thumb and forefinger. Gently, they tug and, thoughtlessly, you squirm. You tense and fall still when the movement grinds your clit against his bulge, a little zing of pleasure shooting through your belly at the contact.

Bob hums knowingly like he can hear what you’re thinking and twists his fingers ever so slightly. Instead of a grunt, a little whine slips past your quivering lips. More unbidden pleasure, more curling heat where it shouldn’t be.

“Mr. Gray’s good little girl. I can smell it now, needy, needy.” He snuffles along your jaw, and slides his thumb away so he can press slick lips to your fluttering pulse. “You stink like a virgin, too stupid to know what you need, hmm? Let him show you. Let him put your meat to use.”

Again you shake your head and open your mouth to protest, but this time the words are a cry as Bob humps you and tweaks your nipple all at the same time. Your head spins, overwhelmed by new sensation and fear of who…what causes them. Something deep down in your guts knows this is no man hovering over you.

The thing called Bob shifts his hips to the side and you tense to act, to shove, to fight, but he’s so much faster. His hand leaves your breast and burrows into your pants. Tricky fingers find your clit and stroke, perfect pressure that makes your limbs twitch and your lungs gasp. Hands poised to claw just moments ago instead fly to his shoulders and grip on reflex.

His digits sink inside you faster than you can inhale. They curl until they reach some spot you didn’t know existed until now. Even just this stretch is more than you’ve ever experienced, but the surprise comes not in the pain, but the pleasure. It doesn’t hurt, not even a little.

Didn’t they all say it would hurt?

You emit a strangled sound and then, to your dismay, a wanton little mewl follows after as Bob works his hand and rubs euphoric little circles inside you. The nails intent on scratching his eyes out have curled into the fabric of his dingy button-up and your legs fall open like they have a mind of their own. No, no, stop, you’re not enjoying this….

You shouldn’t be enjoying this….

Robert chortles in glee and finger fucks you faster until your eyes go out of focus and you arch—toward, not away this time. Still, your mouth tries to lie about your body’s obvious reaction with a stuttered, “S-Stop, I don’t…want….”

“‘Don’t.’ There’s that silly word again. ‘Don’t!’” He mocks your pathetic timbre. Next, his lips move to yours so he can growl against your panting mouth, “You don’t know what you want. Listen to that slippery little hole, hmm?” He jostles his arm and your cunt squelches in answer. “Desperate for purpose, isn’t it?”

Without warning, he rips his fingers from your channel, grabs hold of the waistband of your pants, and gives three sharp tugs. They’re down and off before you can even think to shriek. Bob grips you behind the knees and shoves, bending you in half and spreading you wide.

Fear returns with the sound of his zipper, trepidation that makes you scramble to grab hold of something and pull yourself away. His iron grip keeps you from budging, however, and you’re helpless when his thick cock lines up with your glistening slit.

“And a one, and a two, and a—

“Wait, wait, wa—

The last ‘wait’ is lost in whatever garbled nonsense escapes your throat when Bob eases forward. Unused muscles part around cock and you experience that foreign stretch and pressure for the very first time. Bob makes an inhuman guttural sound low in his throat when your walls squeeze his girth. It’s a sound that dumps icy terror into your veins, but you think what startles you most is the absence of discomfort.

Maybe it hurts, but the main sensation you feel is…delicious. Blissful. Addictive. You close your eyes to keep them from crossing.

“Useless until I found it,” Bob coos against your lips. Heat jolts in your gut and you can’t help the pitiful moan it brings. Is he the reason you’re reacting this way? Are his horrible words spurring you on? What the hell is wrong with you?

“B-Bob,” you choke out when he bucks his hips. In your shoes, your toes curl. He snickers and does it again, and again, each thrust eliciting more desperate sounds than the last. Moans and cries fill the interior of the vehicle and mingle with the sounds of wet slapping and the harsh grunts escaping from Bob’s throat. Any fight left in your fists is gone, replaced by need that has you gripping his shoulders like you gripped that shelf in the store. You could float away like this….

“Float, yes, that’s right, little girl. You’ll float. But first, you’ll cum on Daddy’s cock.”

“I-I….”

“You want to. Say it.” You shake your head and Bob snarls, “SAY. IT. Or I’ll sink my teeth into that supple little throat and paint us both in pretty red.”

“Iwannacum! I want to, p-please…D-Daddy—

“It’s learning, it’s poliTe.” The “t” sound hurts when it snaps off his tongue and Bob cackles when you jerk and shudder in his grip. Still, you don’t release him. You can’t, the insistent, hot pull in your belly too great to ignore.

Frenzied tears well in your eyes as you beg again, “PLEASE, please, I need…need….”

“Neeeeed, now it knows, now it understands what it NEEDS. Cum for Pennywise, little treat. Give it to Me.”

Pennywise…?

Climax hits you like a runaway train and wipes all sense from your mind. You shake and scream, rippling ecstasy washing over you in wave upon endless wave. Bob follows suit and hilts himself, spilling so deep you feel him twitching behind your navel. There’s so much, too much. It spills over and pools beneath you, a sickly sweet scent filling the air.

Wet fingers prod at your lips and you crack an eyelid open one at a time to find Bob insistently poking at your mouth with slick-covered digits. Not thinking, your lips part and the taste of rancid cotton candy bathes your tongue when the fingers push past your teeth.

You grimace at the flavor. Bob grins, too wide, terrifyingly wide. Fear renews like a bolt of lightening to the heart and rational thought whirs to life in your pleasure-addled brain.

Pennywise…. He’d called himself ‘Pennywise.’ Where had you heard that before?

“Pennywise was right to save you for later, yes, yes he was. Let you marinate. Let your meat age.”

Pennywise…. Pennywise the clown….

Your heart beats so fast you fear it will burst. Bob’s eyes are jaundiced, wide and wild. Familiar.

The clown. The clown from your childhood nightmares. The clown from the house at the end of the street.

Pennywise.

“And now you see it all, don’t you?” Bob’s voice is a warbled whisper, slow and solemn. “Now you know why.”

More tears burn their way down your cheeks.

“Purpose, hmm?” Bob chuckles, light and airy. “You’ll be of good use to IT.”

[helpimstuckposting]

TW: mentions of homophobia, brief f-slur mention More silly conversations and goofy friendship moments that Steve hasn't had in a while! I just love the Robin/Steve/Eddie dynamic, it's my favorite out of everything so I hope you like and I did it justice

I’m a ghost and you are a shadow

Part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven

—

After their midnight talk, Steve couldn’t just go back to bed. There were too many thoughts, too many emotions, too much going on in the past day for his mind to quiet enough to let sleep take him. Instead, Eddie kept him company in the kitchen. They talked about the other Steve, Eddie hesitant at first, but Steve reassured him he wanted to know more about the man he could have been, the one everyone saw when they looked at him.

It was interesting, hearing all the differences of his life that appeared from the crossroads of his father living and dying. Apparently, Richard Harrington had died in some sort of travel accident when Steve was four. Eddie didn’t quite know the details, he’d never asked, but the rumor around town was that Mr Harrington had gone off on a business trip the morning of Steve’s fourth birthday. He came back in a casket.

Steve could vaguely recall begging his father to stay home for his birthday that year. He’d begged and begged until his father relented, it was probably the best birthday Steve could remember. And yet, because of that, the rest of Steve’s childhood suffered. Oh, the irony, Steve thought.

They went over some of the pictures hanging on the photo wall, Eddie dramatically re-enacting a few of them, though Steve could tell it was hard. If Eddie’s rings were his armor, Steve thought maybe his DM persona was a shield. Like it was easier to remain detached if he pretended they were campaigns and not memories.

Steve also noticed that since their talk outside, Eddie refrained from calling the other Steve ‘his Steve’. He just called him Steve, just like it was another person who happened to have the same name. It was nice, like Steve wasn’t a replacement or the same person or a mistake. He was just Steve, and so was this other guy. Two different people with the same name, like it was normal.

It was a relief, in those moments, to be someone new, someone separate from the other Steve. It made him feel a little less like he was taking up space he shouldn’t be in, and Steve thought maybe that was Eddie’s intention. He said Steve wasn’t taking someone else’s place, and he kept his word.

At some point, before the sun rose, the stairs creaked with footsteps. The two had been crouched over the counter with cups of coffee, legs too numb from sitting for hours. Robin swayed sleepily into the kitchen, blinking one eye at a time before rubbing at them with her balled up fists. She looked kind of like a toddler who was searching for her parents. Steve snorted into his mug, setting it down before he choked on the liquid inside. Robin’s eyes narrowed at him, before she rolled her eyes and lazily lifted two fingers up in a peace sign.

“Sup, Dingi,” she croaked, voice not quite awake yet.

Steve shared a look with Eddie, scrunching his nose up in a sneer and nodding silently toward Robin, what the hell did she just say?

Eddie snorted and took a gulp from his mug, a silent don’t ask me, sent back.

Robin sighed and pointed to Steve, “One dingus,” she said, then pointed to Eddie, “two dingi,” she concluded, before wandering over to Steve and stealing his mug of coffee. She clasped it in her hands and shuffled over to the other side of the counter island, plopping herself into a stool. “So what were you two lovely ladies talking about at four in the morning?”

“I was telling Stevie here about that one time Steve bet you couldn’t beat his track time and you sprinted so hard you threw up in your lunch bag before band.” Robin squawked, slamming the mug down on the counter and leaning threateningly toward Eddie.

She jabbed a finger at him, “Not cool Munson, we agreed that story went to the grave!”

Eddie laughed maniacally, bouncing in his place, “I lied, Buckley, tough shit!”

As Robin leapt from her stool to chase Eddie around the kitchen island, Steve silently stole his mug back to watch it all play out. He’d dreamed of this so many times, the casual teasing and horsing around just like the kids did. He’d never had a large group of genuine friends, just Tommy and Carol and whoever else they deemed cool enough to join them that week. It was never light hearted jokes and stupid faces, it was silent smoking and jabs that were too sharp, too mean spirited. Carol taught him how to hold himself, how to look intimidating and aloof. She’d never in a million years stoop down to make herself look stupid for a laugh or to cheer someone up. She was calculated, like his mother, but now he wondered if things had been different, would she have been happy too? Does a Carol or Tommy in this universe chase someone around a counter to make them laugh? Or any other universe?

After a couple laps around the kitchen island, Robin caught up to Eddie, tugging his back to her chest and lifting him off his feet. She looked like a wrestler trying to suplex Eddie into the ground but she couldn’t get him higher than a couple inches, tops. Steve snorted into his coffee again as Eddie shrieked, shards of pain stabbing through his nose as he coughed the liquid back out of his lungs and sinuses. There were tears in his eyes from the choking and the laughter and the tightness in his chest, and after hacking up the dredges of coffee in his lungs he kept watch as Eddie kicked and screeched and Robin struggled to keep him in her arms.

Eddie threw himself forward so his feet finally landed back on the ground, and it was Robin’s turn to yell as she was hoisted onto Eddie’s back from the sudden movement. She still refused to let go as Eddie rapidly stalked around the counter, squatting to keep Robin’s weight on his back as she kept his arms pinned to his side.

Steve could watch them fight it out for hours, if he were honest and it had been years since he’d laughed this hard. The rest of the party was going to show up eventually today and they’d have to start looking into the gates, but for now Steve watched and laughed and rolled his eyes as Robin finally gave up her hold and slid off Eddie’s back, pooling onto the floor like a sad little puddle.

“First you break our vow, then you try and murder me, and for what? For what, Munson? I know where you sleep!” She mumbled into the tile.

Eddie crouched down to lean over her, smug look plastered over his face. “I’m pretty sure you tried to murder me, this was purely self defense.”

“And I’m sure the cops would say you had it coming!” She said, lifting herself off the floor and sitting back in her stool. She snatched Steve’s mug up, took a sip and then squinted at him, slowly lowering the mug to the counter and pointing at it.

“Did you spit in this?”

“Not on purpose,” he replied, voice still a bit hoarse from the coughing fit. She gagged dramatically and shoved the cup back in his hands, standing to pour her own.

“It’s about time you learned how to be self-reliant,” Eddie teased, sitting down in the next stool over, across from Steve who remained leaning over the counter, elbows holding his weight on the shiny granite while his ankles were crossed behind him.

“Shut the whole fuck up, Munson, or I swear to god-,”

“How did you three meet, anyway?” Steve asked, cutting off whatever threat Robin was about to throw out. He looked back and forth between Eddie in front of him, and Robin behind him fixing her mug of coffee. He watched as the two shared a look, both a little sad at the reminder that their Steve was gone. Or at least, that’s what Steve assumed the look was, the droop to their smiles telling Steve maybe he shouldn’t have asked. However, before he could take it back, Robin sat back down in the stool next to Eddie and started to answer.

“We were all in band together,” she said as Eddie nodded and silently took a sip from his mug.

“Band?” Steve asked. He knew Eddie and Robin were in the high school band in his universe, but they hadn’t become friends as far as he knew.

“You and Eddie played sax,” she said. Steve tried to cover his flinch at the mention of ‘you’, the reminder that they all expected him to be someone he wasn’t sparking uncomfortably in his head.

“Steve and I sat right in front of Buckley here, who always had a penchant for playing just a little too close to my ear,” Eddie chimed in, shoving his shoulder against Robins.

“Well Eddie here was never a team player, always skipping ahead or pretending to play when he didn’t like the music,” she shoved right back.

“I never-,” Steve started, pausing when the two pairs of eyes locked onto him. “I never learned any instruments.” He sighed, fiddling with the mostly empty cup in his hands. Their eyes felt like lasers boring into his head. “Mom signed me up for piano classes when I was little, but my dad said the arts were for ‘females, fruits, and fags’ so I never got the chance to finish.”

“Well hey, I’m a female and a fruit,” Robin said.

“And I’m a fag!” Eddie said, turning to Robin for an enthusiastic high five. “Guess Mr Harrington was right, huh Stevie?” he said sarcastically. Steve swallowed nervously around the saliva pooling in his mouth. He actually didn’t know about Eddie, had maybe suspected sometimes but it had never been confirmed. It felt… weird that this seemed like something he should know, but he didn’t and now he does but Eddie never told him. Or, well, he did just tell him but he also didn’t and now he knew something that he wasn’t sure he was allowed to know.

“Oh shit,” Eddie mumbled, “did you… uh,” he glanced between Steve and Robin, “did you not know about us?”

Steve shook his head, “I uh, I knew about Robin, but not…”

Eddie winced. The giddy look in his eye from the playful banter was gone, and he seemed… sadder, like Steve had just tossed water over a campfire and killed the light. “Why does it feel like I just outed someone else?” Eddie mumbled to Robin. She grimaced and set a comforting hand on Eddie’s shoulder, sharing a warm look that Steve once again couldn’t read. Again, he felt like an outsider watching over two strangers. The side of the counter he was leaning against seemed cold and wide, a million miles away from where Robin and Eddie sat side by side.

“Well anyway,” Eddie scooted closer to the counter, clinking his empty mug against Steve’s, “regardless of the Eddie you know, I’m gay so… welcome to the Queer Closet of Hawkins, you’re officially on the guest list and it’s a very exclusive honor.”

Steve chuckled, awed by the way Eddie had just closed the chasm between them. The metalhead grinned, patting the stool on his left and closing that gap even more. Steve placed his cup in the sink behind him and walked around the counter to sit in the vacant seat, the gap completely shut with a final click as Eddie lightly patted Steve’s knee.

“So what about you?” He asked, “how did you meet Robin and Eddie?”

Steve laughed, “it’s uh… a much longer story.” Eddie nodded eagerly and Robin pulled a leg up to squish under her on the stool, leaning against the counter to look over Eddie and nod just as enthusiastically. Steve looked back and forth between the two, feeling more whole than he had even just a few hours ago.

He shook his head fondly and launched into the story of Scoops, Russians, Steve and Robin’s unfortunate drug-filled escapade through the mall, and Dustin’s weird ability to imprint on older teens. Eddie laughed at that, tossing his head back and almost falling backward out of his stool.

“I was so annoyed! Dustin wouldn’t shut up about his cool new friend Eddie who played D&D and understood all his references. Eddie who was ‘the best DM ever’, who was ‘so cool, you don’t get it, Steve’ the little shit.”

Robin was leaning against Eddie’s back now, arms thrown over his shoulders to keep him planted in his stool. “Oh, oh!” she exclaimed, smacking Eddie in the chest as she thought of something.

He grabbed her wrist, stopping her from hitting him again. “Jesus, Buckley, spit it out,” he grumbled, shooting eyes at Steve, who just smiled back at him.

“Does your Robin have any game? A girlfriend? Is she cooler than me?” She asked excitedly.

Steve snorted, “I don’t think any Robin Buckley has ever had game.”

“Hey!” Robin exclaimed, and then squinted at him, assessing something in her head. “No, yeah, that makes sense,” she conceded, bobbing her head back and forth.

“She did have a massive crush on this girl Vicky from band, though, and they got pretty close. I always told Robin to go for it, because Vicky? Not straight, not at all,” he swore to them, pointing back and forth as emphasis.

“Ah, Vicky,” Robin sighed dreamily, “she was so cute.” Eddie rolled his eyes, shaking his head at Steve like he’d heard way too much about Vicky for a lifetime. “I never did get the chance to see if Steve was right about that.”

This time Steve rolled his eyes, "Of course I'm right, she was totally giving you eyes, like, constantly I can't believe you would doubt me!" he scoffed, missing for a second that he had slipped in and made himself her Steve, what he'd been trying to avoid this whole time. He had to remind himself constantly; he wasn't their Steve, he was an outsider, he was a different person. He remembered what Eddie had said by the pool; he's not a placeholder, he's not stealing someone's spot, he's his own person.

Still, with the jokes and banter and laughter, it was so so easy to just slip up and forget. He brushed it off, hoping they would too or even better that they wouldn't notice his mistake or the slight dim to his smile before catching himself. Luckily, Eddie and Robin were as close to reading his mind as possible it seemed and the three powered forward as if the slip never happened.

As it turns out, in this universe the Russian fiasco still happened, in nearly the same way. The only difference between Steve's story and Robin's story was that they'd already been friends for years, had applied to Scoops together, just like Family Video. Eddie had been working in the record store on the second floor, but was off with Wayne for a fishing trip at the time. Everything else was the same.

"I can't believe that was our first test of friendship, oh my god," Robin whined, smushing her face up with her hands and dragging them down, pulling her features with them.

"I'm still so mad I missed that, I was so useless and I had no idea until Wayne and I came back and everything was fucked. What if Samwise was on vacation and he just came back and Bilbo was suddenly a hero, missing a finger, traumatized from all this shit Sam had no idea about! I spent the rest of that summer feeling like I had missed your whole lives," Eddie said. Steve wasn't quite sure who the hell he was talking about, but there was something else in his eyes, something that Steve still hadn't translated and couldn't put his finger on. He wondered if Eddie would tell him, eventually, wondered if he'd ever be able to read those looks before they had to shove him back through the gate to his desolate wasteland of a universe.

He shoved that thought away from his mind, locked in a little box labelled 'for later', and trekked on through their morning. It would probably only be an hour now before the party showed up to finalize plans and start splitting up to put it in motion. He sighed and looked between Eddie and Robin, still going through random memories, teasing, poking, and laughing at each other. 'For Later' he whispered in the dark of his mind, joining back into the conversation as if he'd never left. He'd worry about it then, for now he was more content than ever to just sit here at the dark kitchen island as the sun kept up its rise over the horizon. He'd sit, and listen, and contribute, and laugh, and everything else could come later.

—

@devondespresso @weirdandabsurd42 @sirsnacksalot @space-invading-pigeon @aliea82 @goodolefashionedloverboi @emly03 @bestwifehaver @mentallyundone @13catastrophic-blues @estrellami-1 @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @likelylad @aellafreya @wxrmland @shunna @fangirltofangod @howincrediblysapphicofyou

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

[motherforthefamicom]

redownloaded an old art program

[danothan]

i’ve been having a hard time realizing and grieving my naivety/lack of intuition, especially relating to autism and ocd. there’s smth so helpless in feeling like you can’t trust yourself. but i think i’m starting to reach a point of balance. ik i don’t have the best judgment, but maybe my intuition can be the kindness i judged as naivety

i just couldn’t accept the idea that kindness (as far as i understood it at least) could have led me into harm’s way, especially bc protecting myself feels so “cruel,” so maybe that’s not the narrative i have to accept. sometimes i feel like i’m slipping into old habits when i catch myself giving someone a second chance, or the benefit of the doubt, but it’s not the same now as it was before. kindness never led me into harm’s way, it was my lack of trust in myself. i don’t need to dial in my kindness, i just need to strengthen my trust. i need to practice informed kindness

[corpsentry]

ass in the air on my hands and knees searching for link/allen (romantic platonic idgaf in this economy) fanwork i scoured the ao3 tag dry and 8 years of tumblr posts and now i am Two fists deep in pixiv, dodging projectiles of pathetic ai porn, desperately looking for crumbs. i’ve done it again folks i found a more or less dead fandom and got stuck on the niche pairing of the main character and the guy who debuted with a bowl cut and now there is nothing to be done but CRY LOUDLY and then (some time later) EQUIP PEN

[kuromi-hoemie]

hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™

but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.

[good-beanswrites]

Woo hello 🎬!! I kept all of your ask here -- I put it like this for my own easy scrolling, but no way am I cutting any of this, it's so perfect AH

Oughhhhgh Haruka getting more confident from hanging out with everyone and getting such positive feedback… I’d imagine the back to back innocent verdict and night of compliments would do wonders for his psyche ;-; And same for Muu and Amane! Minus the inno verdict, but the sudden influx of explicit compliments and acknowledgement of “hey, that was fucked up what they did to you, okay?” I wonder if there’s any awkwardness since After Pain directly follows Bring it On, but I like to imagine Fuuta and Muu have a deeper talk about things in private (and maybe Muu hesitantly mentions her involvement with Rei in preparation for INMF…)

Damn, who’s going to give the sex talk to the kids after Yuno’s vide-- Shidou. Sidou does. Without hesitation. They have to stop him because no one wants to hear it and everyone there already understands the basics.I love the idea of she, Mahiru, Muu, and designer Mikoto chatting about everyone’s fashion sense (I can imagine them poking fun at Fuuta’s tracksuit and Shidou’s patterned shirts.) And planning shopping trips that include everyone!!! Amane and Kotoko are given no choice in the matter, and a lot of the guys are genuinely interested in coming along.

Awww, I love the thought of Haruka getting into a “boy” interest with Fuuta and Mikoto -- he never knew what it was like to have brothers but he’s really enjoying it <3 (Also I’m cracking up over Fuuta trying desperately to convince them “it’s not cringe!!!”)

ASDFSDF Mappi just straight up sobbing and Mikoto handing her tissues 😂 But yes, she also gets choked up during Magic and Amane can’t figure out why. This begins the adults’ efforts to get her out of whatever situation she’s currently in (which Jackalope was already half-working on, but is definitely spurred on by several angry almost-murderers demanding he get it done now.)

I do like that idea of Red more comfortable with showing skin than Blue. (I know people are very emotional about the stalker theory, but I personally never took it in a harmful way. I always enjoyed how it was a symbol of stripping away everything else until you’re left with your true, whole self.) So I like to think that Blue feels too exposed, but Red/Green are the ones who pitched it in a symbolic sense! 

I’m losing my mind at Kotoko/Kazui/Red talking about sparring. Everyone else is like “hell yeah, let’s see it!” and Shidou just sitting there like “you all are going to be the death of me. You are NOT fighting.” Because I really want to think about it happening, I’ll say they manage to sneak away at least once and nearly break a prop in the process, to which even Jackalope shuts them down.

I think they all manage to get pretty serious again by the time T2 rolls around, but the hiatus is filled with a lot of sweet moments and healing conversations between everyone. Also, making so many plans for the future helps keep them sane when some of the project immersion gets a bit too real. Whenever they start realizing they might be condemned for their actions and worried that they’re too broken/they’re life is ruined, they come back to those plans and relax a bit.

Absolutely no pressure, but I would love to hear your T2 thoughts! 👀👀👀 I’m so incredibly grateful you’ve taken the time to share your ideas -- from the very beginning this au has been a big collaboration, so it’s super fun bouncing ideas around :D

[sysig]

Still normal don’t even worry about it (Patreon)