#the violation i feel is insane for no reason
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#tw: rant#just got home from a formal event#i feel like im overreacting bcoz i got wolf whistled at by a pair of guys and my mind is just telling me that it could be worse#but im so obviously younger than them by a mile and even so it's no excuse#the violation i feel is insane for no reason#and yh the skirt i was wearing was a tight pencil one but it wasn't short short#but im just blaming myself for it all#idk idk im just shaken#maybe i am overreacting but anyways#forget u ever saw this#just needed to rant
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Okay but consider post Canon over protective Athena who is sick to death of her most devout being raped.
Athena sticking close to the whole family and promising penelope that she'll keep a close eye on odysseus the first time he has to go into the market and penelope can't go with him. (She was going to go anyway. She's never actually going to let any of them out of her sight ever again. And it's an easy promise to her dearest weaver who seems so distressed to have odysseus leaving her side.)
Athena fully manifesting in the market when someone grabs odysseus with godly flashes of snakes and owls and the drums of war to scream /release him/ (odysseus is feeling indulgent for both his patron and his wife it's so cute that they're this worried it's not like he couldn't defend himself just fine. Especially from whatever poor fuck just grabbed him who definitely doesn't deserve a goddess screaming in his face. Hes trying so hard not to laugh if he did athena would send him flying.)
Athena telling all the other gods that yes she knows odysseus is the favorite barbie doll she choose him well after all and to back the fuck off if any of them bother him again they will have made an enemy of her.
Athena disguising odysseus only as an old beggar from here on out instead of an irresistibly tall and handsome man. Because she saw how uncomfortable nausicaa's attention made him.
#The odyssey#Odysseus#Athena#Penelope#Nausicaa#Tw: rape#Tw:rape recovery#Tw: Calypso keeping odysseus as a sex slave for seven years#Tw: forced prostitution#See what happened with circe#I know in ancient Greek stories there's a lot of serial violence in various shapes and forms#But it seems like it happens more to athenas choosen/priestess/most devot#And it feels a little bit more targeted beyond it being a horrific violation#Like it's targeted towards Athena for her choice on being chaste#Which just adds another layer of fucked upness#And I've always felt like this contributes to Athena being cold#And at some point I imagine she'd get sick of it and course correct into overprotectivness from being cold#Headcanon that penelope goes a little bit insane when odysseus gets back (you're never allowed to leave my sight ever again )#(Don't worry it's mutual odysseus is into it he also never wants to leave his wife's side ever again)#Athena: standing protectively over odysseus in full god mood and hissing#Odysseus: not that this isn't an amazing ego boost but (and I can't believe you're making me be the voice of reason ) arent you overreactin#Odysseus: I mean you were never this protective when I was an actual literal child#Odysseus: or when I was fighting in an actual literally war fighting against gods and demi gods#Athena slightly embarrassed but is not sorry she sent whoever grabbed odysseus flying : SHUT UP#Love the fact that this whole group has the time and the support of each other to actually try to heal from their many many traumas#I know I did this in a slightly joking way but healing from abuse of power and violations are so important to me#Stories about healing in general#That's my jam#Anyway not tagging this as epic because of 1. Athena and odysseus's friendship break up#And 2. The change to circes story (which i actually like a lot! But still the odyssey Canon circe was also a sa situation.)
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bleach media literacy is actually just a measure of how you read urahara as a character
#âirredeemable bastard who violated the geneva conventionâ vs. âfunny perv who is in love with yoruichiâ#sorry not âvs.â i mean âandâ#did we actually consume the same series#yâall know that tiktok song that goes ânobody knows me like you doâ? thatâs me abt urahara#yes i acknowledge the fact that this man has performed human experiments on multiple occasions#no we cannot conflate this with him touching yoruichi bc both actions are violations#those r two different kinds of violations and the last one feels so forced by kubo#âoh but âhe doesnât respect boundariesâ IS TRUE but whennn was he weird and rapey like that before tybw#i can think of one-off instances bc thatâs just kuboâs humor but he did him so dirtyyy#ppl js b searching for any reason to ship urayoru like ewww bitch u reel of filler arc đ¤˘#iâm so sorry iâm only ranting bc of that one person on here who likes urayoru and has literal essays typed up abt it#AND THEY SHIP SHINJI AND HIYORI? DISGUSTING AFFF đđ¤Ž#iâm not hearing anyone out bro she acts and look like a child and their relationship is essentially family arguing#getting a ship out of that is insane to me#BYE this is staying in drafts and iâm sc it to send to lilly đ#well sm for staying in drafts#đ#bleach#clorox bleach#kisuke urahara
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if i had a dollar for every time a religious missionary knocked on my door to "spread the good news" while i was actively in an acute mental health crisis i'd have 2 dollars, which isnt a lot but also. how many times does this have to happen before they stop coming.
#technically ive actually had three but the ones where they come to my home feel more violating and embarrassing#heads up im going to talk about grim things but its so bananas that its hard not to talk about#2 years ago i had one come while i was Participating In An Activity One Does When You're Grappling With SI#and it was a very bad time and an overall terrible encounter#especially bc it was obvious at the time i was deeply unwell but of course they didnt want to actually address it#and today i had two come while i was having an active manic episode and looked DEEPLY insane and was in the middle of some bullshit#and both times as soon as i opened the door i can tell theyre like 'oh fuck' and realize that theres something serious going on#but at the same time. play stupid games win stupid prizes.#if someone is having a MH crisis they try to do it in a safe and private environment like their gotdamn house for a reason w/o strangers#and if you just show up unannounced to talk about Mormonism to a random persons house theres a good chance youre going to be-#interrupting something and that something isnt always good#i know door-to-door solicitors are '''normal''' but the whole thing really whacks me out and makes me feel kind of angry
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gnawing on the end of voyager 1x09 prime factors like its a new flavoured chewbone tossed into my enclosure and iâve been starved for 3 weeks
#context: the aliens they meet in this episode have a space-folding technology that could potentially get voyager home. or at least halfway#the aliens have a law similar to the prime directive that says they cant give away this technology#they get offered this technology from some other members of the alien race on the dl as a trade#and janeway is morally conflicted since accepting that trade would violate her principles#SO. THE PART THATS MAKING ME INSANE#is tuvok (who she was working through the moral dilemma with) decides to GO BEHIND HER BACK and accept this trade#the technology doesnt end up working#but anyway he accepts responsibility. and when janeway asks why he did it#his reasoning is that someone had to spare janeway the ethical dilemma. and the logical choice for that someone is him#and she is like. u can tell sheâs SO conflicted about how to feel#like sheâs deeply touched sheâs furious sheâs feeling betrayed and appreciative in one#& i think sheâs also very shaken by the fact that like ⌠tuvok is HER moral compass her steady right hand#so this upsets the very foundation of what she believes their relationship to be ⌠& the person she believes tuvok himself to be#idk why this is all in the tags it SHOULD be the post sorry i just love tags teehee#anyway i feel like a wild animal. i love them and their dynamic#they are both constantly trying to protect each other and bear each otherâs burdens and muddle through ⌠sigh i love them sm#voy rewatch
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If you constantly infringe on your adult child's space and attempt to control the most insignificant aspect of their life even though you have never actually helped them when they needed your hel, I just want you to know that they hate you and you are going to die alone in a nursing home. You're not slick. They know that you are aware of what you're doing, and they hate you for it, and their therapist probably hates you too.
#vent post#I'm so tired of getting home from therapy and feeling violated because once again she entered my room and moved things or took things#You have no reason to be in my room. None.#I'm going insane I am going to lose my shit one day and remove the lock to take it into a shop and have a key made#STOP CONTROLLING MY LIFE YOU RUINED ENOUGH OF IT
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I need to get ready for bed but I remembered the dentist appointment that's coming up in less than 2 weeks and ended up dissociating for over 2 hours (I'm honestly not sure how long it's been) and I do not feel good in the slightest after that
#personal#thoughts#đŹ post#vent post#it's not the treatment that's the issue. it's literally just that it requires sedation. I would be fine if not for that#and our brain keeps fixating on it to try and find some kind of solution or something that would help#but we can't think of anything. I don't know if there actually is any way to get around this#and it's not a fear of anything bad happening#it's that the concept of someone else being able to control whether I'm conscious and whether I remember anything#just inherently feels so incredibly violating no matter what actually happens during the appointment#logically I do not want to deal with the appointment. sedation is a great option. you don't have to experience any of the shit that happens#but the entire premise is so triggering I can't talk about it without getting shaky and hyperventilating and bursting into tears#also like... the recovery period afterwards where you're really out of it and say weird shit freaks me the fuck out#specifically the idea of being in that state around other people or just in a place that isn't at home in our room on our own#basically I can't handle a stranger giving me a drug that'll stop me remembering anything that happens for a while#and then make me really woozy and spaced out while I'm around other people#there's also another reason the concept of being made to just not experience a certain amount of time by another person is an issue for me#but I'm fully aware that it sounds deeply unhinged and stems from specific source stuff and I cannot explain that to most people#but it's a thing that there really isn't a workaround for and no matter how well we handle the rest of the issues around it#that will almost certainly fuck me up regardless. probably more than the other stuff would#but trying to talk about it would probably make me sound kind of insane because like... I probably kind of am#either that or I'll explain it to someone and they'll be like ''oh yeah no I totally get that''#but I'm more used to being treated like my issues are incomprehensible and I need to just stop being such a freak
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OBSESSED: GETO
A/N: Suguru is a patient, kind, wonderful, completely out-of-his-mind-insane man. I just had to capture it on paper. (The Yuuta installment is up next, this one was just crawling out of me lol)
C/W: Voyeurism (the real Shibuya incident đ¤) Mature, 18+
Suguru should stop.
He really should fucking stop.
You two are friends. Innocent. Platonic. The very best of friends.
And yet, here he is. Watching a live feed of you walking through your apartment door.
Keys to the left.
Heels kicked off to the right. Youâll come back to those later.
He drapes the bath towel around his neck. Catching the last few almond water droplets from his thick, near waist length hair. Heâll be at your place later; he wouldnât forgive himself if he was the reason you caught a cold.
And capital punishment for anyone who rouses a single strand of hair on your head.
6:38 PM. A little late today. But itâs a Wednesday and thereâs a farmers market in the town square. You always stop for chocolate croissants too late on Wednesdays. The vendor leaves before youâre out of work.
There are four of them on low heat in his oven right now.
Because Suguru now knows the vendor on a first name basis. Heâs paid him well over asking price to have 4 chocolate croissants (made 2 batches later than what he sells during the day) be delivered to his place every Wednesday.
Because youâre his friend.
His best friend. And he canât stand the thought of you going a second without anything you want in this lifetime.
Oh fucking hell.
Your (his) favorite blazer is off. As is the demure mint silk button up that it was covering. Both now wistfully draped over the corner of the kitchen island. He finds the way you throw your things around haphazardly so adorable.
But that doesnât matter right now.
Like clockwork, Suguruâs left hand drags down his sweatpants, just enough to let his overgrown, painfully hard cock free. It bounces well past his belly button, like a fresh wire spring.
And with cinematic timing, you lean over your kitchen island. In nothing but your lacy bra and snug little pencil shirt. Mindlessly catching up on your social media.
The way your plush, pouty rose lips hang slightly open. And your fucking perfect tits spill over the top of your slightly undersized bra. The lazy S curve from your petite shouldersâŚtapered down to your waistâŚback out to the swell of your hips.
âFuck,â a king cobra hiss escapes his lips.
Youâre dizzying. Utterly fucking intoxicating.
Suguruâs chest rises and falls. The pace of his hand around his cock crescendos. Almost angrily.
How could you do this to him?
Youâre his best friend for fucks sake.
Precum slicks from his thick, blunt tip. Squelching around his knuckles.
Your back arches into a mini crescent moon. And Suguru might as well have swallowed a blow torch.
âNnnhhgh fuck, g-godâŚsoâŚâ Sharp drags of air mix with his poorly choked down moans.
His hand grips harder. Hips now rutting up off his desk chair. Hungry. Needy. Imprecise pumps into the slick ring of his fingers. Chasing another high he so desperately wishes you could personally give.
Because the way he feels right now?
The sheer malevolence in his mind. The depravity. You trust him completely and he canât trust himself with you at all.
Beautiful, enchanting girl.
You reduce him to a perverted, bird brained slave to his desires.
You make him want to violate you. To fuck a cock-shaped hole through the back of your skirt to your cervix.
He wants to pick you up and bounce you along all 10 inches of his length and watch himself bludgeon through to your stomach.
He wants to pin you down and use your pretty little throat as his personal cocksleeve. And watch you garble and cry and drool around his invading length while you struggle for air. And listen to the melodic sounds of you gasping and muffled around his dick when he makes you apologize.
Apologize for being so goddamn irresistible. For bringing this depraved shell of a human being out of him.
Electricity runs the length of his manhood. His breaths are jagged, tendrils of wavey hair matted to his forehead.
The sound of your ringtone slices through the static in his brain. Tethering him back out of his criminal spiral.
âH-hey, pretty.â Suguru forces his baritone to level out. Hand still stroking his length.
Your wispy, girly giggle almost finishes him instantly.
âYouâve gotta stop with the pet names, Suguru! The trail of women in your wake hate me enough as it is.â
âHa-I c-couldnât care less.â Talking is harder than breathing for him.
You lean up from the counter and start twirling your hair in a way that makes him want to carve out another galaxy for you. Just for you. Anything for you.
âMovie night? Iâve been wanting toââ
âYes.â Suguru is almost embarrassed at how quickly he cut you off. Like a fucking dog.
You laugh again and stroll to your refrigerator. He knows youâre lamenting the missed croissants. And he knows you know thereâs a 99.99% chance heâs already gotten them for you. Because he is silly putty for you. He crumbles to stardust in your hands.
Because heâs your best friend.
âI got them.â Suguru rasps out. Hands moving so fast up his shaft, precum surging out his tip. Heâs so close. So fuckingâ
âGod I love you.â
And he snaps. Hot, thick ropes of his cum splay everywhere. Suguru draws metallic from his bottom lip, clenching down so hard not to give himself away.
You said it so innocently. So platonically. And it shifted his entire world on its axis.
His best fucking friend.
âLove you too, Iâll be there at 8.â
PART. II
#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader smut#jjk fanart#geto suguru#geto x reader#jjk geto#jujutsu geto#geto smut#getou suguru x reader#geto x you#geto x y/n#geto satoru#geto sama#gojo smut#jjk gojo#gojo x reader#jjk fanfic#jjk smut#jjk x you#jjk suguru#stsg#stsg x reader#gojo x geto#geto fanart#geto fanfic#gojo satoru#jjk satoru#nanami smut#jjk x y/n
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Just have to share this absolutely disgusting thing that just happened to me.
I was going to be selling at a one day event in Ottawa in July, called Fanaticon. The organizer asked me to send three prints and a photo of myself for the promo ad. Without my permission he then used an AI filter on said photo. I feel violated and disgusted because 1) how fucking ironic is it to use AI to promote an ARTIST for a con where AI art is NOT ALLOWED; 2) I do not identify as female and I am now feeling such an aggressive gender dysphoria it's insane; and 3) he didn't use AI on any other vendor promo (or maybe he tried and they all likewise disapproved), so to ME, that's implying that I am "not pretty enough" to be presented as is. Btw you can check out the other vendor promos on the instagram page
Anyways clearly I've asked for a refund, but I doubt I'll get one, since when I paid it was all "no refunds for any reason etc".
TLDR: IF YOU ARE PROMOTING ARTISTS FOR A CON WHERE SAID ARTIST IS SELLING ART, DON'T FUCKING USE AI IN THE PROMO AD FOR THE ARTIST.
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i wanna turn you on.
loser!luke castellan x f!reader
summary: (title is inspired by the smashing pumpkins - today) luke castellan basically watches you from your cabin window and mutually (but not mutually) masturbates with you.
warnings: smut, luke is a bit weird. luke is giving virgin but thatâs up to the reader honestly, reader gets sexualized by luke, written in mainly lukeâs perspective but it does switch to the readers, masturbation, bathroom breaks (if you catch my drift from the previous tag), luke is a manipulative piece of shit but itâs very hard to know at first read.
You werenât kidding when you had the sneaking suspicion that one had always been watching you. All of your darkest moments felt violated, invaded, or even threatened.
Maybe you thought wrong. Thatâs what everyone else thought when you confessed to your friends, saying that âNobody would bother to try and watch youâ or, âYouâll be fine. Campâs safe.â
What you were unaware of was that Luke Castellan, the brave and noble leader who aspired many at camp for his dedicated devotion to his people and the gods.
Were you wrong to think otherwise?
â˘âââââââââââââââââââââââââ˘
He was desperate. Desperate to understand you, feel you, and even taste you. His heart (as conveyed by those personal to him) was kind, logical, and even charming. He welcomed everyone who was unclaimed, and those who were claimed. The sweet little âheysâ and the âhellosâ are what people paid attention to. His demeanor and morality were nothing but pure.
You knew that for some reason, Luke had the right intentions. But for some part inside of you, something twisted his image into something so much more darker and malevolent.
He wasnât dark, neither any of the things you thought. Contradicting, yesâbut he couldnât help but stare at you whenever you walked past, staring at the back of your body and sometimes your ass. He tried to snap out of it, tried so hard to keep his control, but he couldnât help it.
He realized that you were his new obsession. Occasionally, Luke would sometimes go to the bathroom stalls to stroke his painfully rock-hard cock that leaked small beads of pre-cum, wiping onto his hand and leaking all over the base of his cock. His mind would drift to how your voice was maternally caring, sweet and dripping almost like nectar. Your lips and the way they would part open and close, rubbing them together against your pink-glossed lip gloss. The thought of the sticky consistency and shiny glow of your lips wrapped around the base of his cock as he steadily thrusted his cock hard and fast into your mouth like it was nothing but made for him would make him grip the top of the stall door.
Luke would try to feel disdained by these thoughts, try so desperately to think of other problems he had. But you were his only problem.
One day around Camp, he noticed how one of the Ares boys were sticking around you like you were some kind of fly trap. The boy would try and lift you up, slinging you over his shoulder like you were some prized possession.
âPut me down!â You laughed as you nudged your body, particularly your hips noticeable to both the boy that was carrying you and to Luke.
The Ares boy took notice of the sudden tension and put you down, before accidentally (but obviously, not totally) pushing your ass into his pelvic region when he grabbed your arms and pulled you back. Youâd laugh, the impact of your ass in those little black shorts bouncing against his center drove Luke fucking insane.
Luke ended up getting one of the hardest boners ever to pain him, and he would occasionally watch your body move around, your hips swaying and the way your ass was barely fit into your outfit made him palm his cock, pretending to adjust his jeans.
On a dark night, Luke realized that you had the same routine. Specifically, it was your night routine. He didnât expect to remember it, but he remembered one specific incident where he followed you to your cabin.
He watched as you opened the door and closed it, slamming it behind you in what may have been frustration. Then, he got the idea to get a closer look.
Luke inched near your window, crouching below the window pane just to see perfectly into the dimly visible light that instantly let him see into your own world. It was so wrong, but it was so worth knowing that the blinds were pulled up all the way, almost as if you personally wanted somebody to watch you like you were a product on display.
You walked around the room, his eyes following your every step, even when you sat down on the bed and looked through your dresser, going through the top drawer that contained your underwear and nightwear. Pulling out a black mesh nightgown, you got up and started to strip down to your bare and naked body. He carefully focused on how the t-shirt you wore hiked up above your amazingly flawless breasts. The way you pulled it off and threw it down to the bed caused the two of you to moan, unknowingly so. You seemed frustrated with something, but he was high as fuck on this moment.
His cock rubbed against the barriers holding him back, and it wasnât getting better. When your thumb tucked underneath the waistband of your underwear and shorts, you pulled them down and off your legs. Your ass was visible for him to see, and he dared to peak his head up a little more to see how it motioned as you walked to your bed.
He expected you to put back on your nightgown, but he thought so, so fucking wrong. You flopped down your bed and pulled your legs up to show him how your pussy looked dripping wet. His mouth dropped, his hands going down to his pants and subconsciously unbuttoning them so he could stick his dick out through his boxers and thrust his half-erect cock into his fist.
But he didnât want to touch himself just yet. He needed to see more. What more could you give? It didnât make any sense, but it finally did when your long and slender fingers tucked under your weight, where you parted your cunt apart with two fingers in a âVâ shape. You moaned as the cold air hit your hot and wet pussy. Lukeâs hands fumbled to pull his cock out, his eyes glued to the way you were now dipping your middle finger into your sopping wet hole. You pressed a finger into your gummy walls and started to create a rhythm along with your hips and your hand.
He rubbed the leaking pre-cum all over the tip of his cock, pretending like your thumb was doing so. He wrapped his palm around his dick and jerked himself up and down in a slow and deliberately painful manner. Your fingers moved to your clit and began to rub it in a circular motion, your lips all puffy and your eyes closed from the pleasure you were giving yourself. So much was going on for you that your back arched off the bed, and Lukeâs cock was being fucked even faster from his own hand. He whined a bit louder, involuntarily thrusting into his own hand. The both of you could sense your own respective releases, and it wasnât slowing down anytime sooner.
Luke would whisper his name to his own self, pretending like it was you who was calling it out through the muffled sounds of your moans inside of your cabin. Your legs twitched and two fingers were now deep and invasive inside of your tight cunt.
He hoarsely whispered to himself. âFuck, Iâm gonna cum so hard all for you,â softly swearing as he could feel his own semen dripping out of his cock and lubricating his fist.
Your fingers worked harder, and your clit was getting rubbed to the point where it felt like it was numb for pleasure. You let out a steady and sharp moan, lifting your ass off of the mattress and pumping now three digits into your pretty and pink pussy. He watched you, all goggly and eyes wide like heâd miss one second of you. He couldnât waste the opportunity to miss you cum.
Luke was now practically moaning and hyperventilating as he let out a sigh and came all over the place. Webs of white and hot cum coated his overstimulated cock and the fist of his hand. You followed along, cumming and tightening all around your fingers as you vocally expressed one of the best moans one could ever experience in an orgasm.
All tired and weak, your legs fell down against the bed as your swollen clit pulsated from such intensity.
With realization, Luke snapped his eyes down to see the mess he made just crouching below your window. He groaned, shaking his hand to get rid of some of the cum that was on his hand. His cock was now soft and finally pleased, so he tucked his cock right back into his boxers and pulled up his jeans, remaining low and among the bushes before he know it was safe to walk alone.
When Luke was approached by a wandering cabin mate, heâd just make an excuse.
âCouldnât sleep. Had to kill time,â knowing damn well with a smile that you just solved his nightly frustrations.
#UGH THIS IS SO BAD#FEELS SOO RUSHED#luke castellan smut#luke castellan#smut#stalker#pjo tv show#percy jackson#percy jackson smut#fanfic
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'Wilson' as an episode fucking slaps. I'm obsessed with Wilson's complete lack of boundaries and I'm obsessed with the way he acts out to express resentment while still being completely incapable of saying no. He gave a patient part of his liver!! The man is in no way hinged.
For all the emphasis that gets placed on Wilson's failed marriages and infidelity, we don't ever actually see it directly on screen. This is a narrative choice I love, for the record. We see Wilson's relationships through House's eyes and it allows us to understand Wilson as a deeply flawed person without ever making him unlikable, because Wilson's flaws and contradictions are what make him irresistible to House. It's so effective, the way these failed relationships say so much about Wilson's character while being constructed largely out of inference.
In this episode, though, we watch his inability to self advocate play out in real time, and I guarantee that this is what every one of his relationship meltdowns looked like from the inside. On some deep fundamental level, James Wilson doesn't believe "I don't want to" is a valid reason not to do something. You know the fantasy trope of an obedience curse, where the victim is inescapably compelled to obey other people's requests? Wilson casts that spell on his own damn self, and he'll hold true to it even to the point of violating his own bodily autonomy. When you lack boundaries like that, it becomes almost impossible to even know what you truly want, let alone to act on it. So Wilson says yes and yes and yes until it breaks him, and then he still can't say no.
When saying yes feels like surrendering to torture and saying no feels like committing murder, the only option left is escape. So Wilson goes out drinking to trash the liver he's going to donate. He gets dinner with the pretty nurse instead of going home to his wife. All of it is him scrabbling at the bars of his cage. And the irony is that the cage is unlocked, he just has to walk through the open door, and that's the last thing he could ever bring himself to do.
I'm pretty sure that when he went to Cuddy and told her his plan to donate, he wanted her to say no. She almost did! And I think she should have, because her first impulse was right, it is insane. Unfortunately this is the Insane Lack of Boundaries Hospital, and she can't actually be expected to guess when her employee's mouth is saying yes but his eyes are saying dear god no. By the rules of universe that House MD operates within, this doesn't even break a 7 on the "unhinged measures to save a patient" scale, and Wilson invoked the power of friendship. What was she supposed to do?
And through all of this, House is the person Wilson lashes out at. I love, love, love that House is the person Wilson lashes out at. Wilson can't even admit to himself that he's angry about the position he's in. How can he be angry when he's the reason the patient needs a new liver? But House sees right to the heart of everything going on with him, and he says all the things Wilson wants to be true and can't afford to believe. Because if he lets himself believe this wasn't his fault then he might not be able to say yes. And he's going to say yes. And he hates that he's going to say yes. And he hates that House knows he's going to say yes.
So he gets angry with House, because it's safe to get angry with House. He lashes out, because with House, he can. He tells House he's wrong about him, and demands House move out, and that's not at all what he really wants but he feels helpless and coerced and he desperately needs to exercise some kind of control over his own life. The fact that he can let go like this with House is in part about knowing House isn't ever going to leave him - the closeness of their relationship is always defined by what Wilson wants, House has never once pushed Wilson away and fights to reconcile when Wilson wants distance. But it's also about knowing that he can't hurt House by setting boundaries with him. Mostly this is because House will walk right over any boundaries he considers unacceptable, but in fairness, the fact that House is kind of a terrible person is part of his appeal. If Wilson had issues around other people violating his stated wishes, House would be the last person in the world that he should have anything to do with. But Wilson's issues lie in the fear that not being compulsively available and accommodating to everyone around him might permanently fuck up the life of someone he loves. House's fucked up life is never going to be Wilson's fault and even if it was House would still kind of deserve it, so Wilson's anxious people pleasing compulsion can chill the fuck out for five minutes at a time.
I don't want to idealise, there are times in their relationship when Wilson absolutely makes fucked up sacrifices for House. I don't think it's the case that he earnestly wanted to every time. But it's also true that House brings out authenticity in Wilson that few other people manage to. House knows him. House allows him to give in to his selfish impulses without guilt and consequences, and for all the people who love the best in him, House knows and loves his worst. While Wilson is caught up in trying to bend himself into whatever shape someone else needs him to be, what House wants more than anything is the truth. For Wilson, who is so out of touch with his own desires, being an object of fascination to someone obsessed with drives and motivations must be a rush. And if we accept the throughline of this episode, it might just be the case that House's boundary pushing and obsession is something Wilson needs.
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Let's Talk About How Book 3 Ruined Aang
If you've seen any of my prior ATLA posts, you know that I don't hate Aang. In fact, I quite liked him in Books 1 and 2. He was flawed, as all characters should be, but the show didn't shy away from those flaws or justify them. He was called out for burning Katara and rushing his firebending, Sokka and Katara were rightfully upset when he hid Hakoda's letter, he willingly owns up to the fact that his actions helped drive Toph away, and his entire arc after losing Appa and finding hope again in The Serpent's Path was beautifully done.
(Hell, even in The Great Divide Katara says what Aang did was wrong and he agrees. It's played for comedy, but the show still makes the effort to point out that what he did wasn't the right thing to do. You're just meant to understand that he was fed up and acted off of that)
Those flaws and mistakes were addressed and improved upon and helped Aang to grow as a character.
But for some reason, that aspect of Aang's character was completely flipped in Book 3.
The best examples of this are in both TDBS and EIP. Both the show and the fandom are too quick to brush off that Aang kissed Katara twice without her consent, one of which after she explicitly said she was confused about her feelings.
(And yes, she is angry in response and Aang calls himself an idiot. But after this, it isn't really addressed. They go on like nothing happened for the rest of the episode. Aang's lamentation comes from screwing things up with her romantically, not that he violated boundaries)
The show never really addressed why what he did was wrong. Not only because he wasn't given consent, but also because both times he isn't thinking about what Katara wants. In both instances, Aang is only thinking about himself and his feelings. This is something that persists through a lot of the third book. And by Sozin's Comet it ultimately ruins any character development he had built up in the second book.
One thing I feel was completely disregarded was the concept of having to let go of Katara in order to master the Avatar State.
For me, the implication wasn't that he had to give up love or happiness necessarily. He was emotionally attached to and reliant on Katara, to the point where she was needed to stop him from hurting everyone around him and himself. This is obviously detrimental to his functionality as the Avatar. And the point of him "letting her go" wasn't that he had to stop caring about her, it was that his emotional dependency on her was stopping him from being the Avatar he needed to be and that was what needed to be fixed. I don't even think it's about the Avatar State itself, it's about being able to keep your emotions and duty as the Avatar separate.
(If you look at Roku, he loved and had a wife. It wasn't his love for her that messed everything up, it was his attachment to Sozin. He wasn't able to let Sozin go and not only did he lose his life for it, the world suffered for it. It's the unhealthy attachments that seem to be detrimental, not love itself)
And Aang realizes that in the catacombs, which is how he's able to easily enter the Avatar State and seemingly control it. He let Katara go.
So then why does it seem like his attachment to Katara is not only stronger, but worse in mannerism? He liked Katara in Books 1 and 2- obviously- but he was never overly jealous of Jet or Haru. He only makes one harmless comment in Book 2 when Sokka suggests Katara kiss Jet.
But suddenly he's insanely jealous of Zuko (to the point of getting frustrated with Katara over it), off the basis of the actions of actors in a clearly misrepresentative play. Katara showed a lot more interest in Jet and Aang was completely fine with it.
(Speaking of EIP, Aang's reaction to being played by a woman was interesting. He wore a flower crown in The Cave of Two Lovers. He wove Katara a flower necklace. He wore Kyoshi's clothes and makeup and made a funny girl voice. He willingly responded to Twinkle Toes and had no issue being called that. And for some reason he's genuinely upset about being played by a woman? Aang in Books 1 and 2 would have laughed and enjoyed the show like Toph did. His aversion to feminity felt vastly out of character)
I guess my point is, why did that change? Why was Aang letting go of Katara suddenly irrelevant to the Avatar State? It felt like him letting go was supposed to be a major part of his development. Why did that stop?
Myself and many others have talked about The Southern Raiders. The jist of my thought process about it is his assumption that he knew what was best for Katara. And the episode doesn't really call out why he was wrong. Maybe sparing Yon Rha was better for Katara, maybe it wasn't (the only one who's allowed to make that choice is her). Pushing forgiveness? That was wrong. But the episode has Zuko say that Aang was right when the course of action Katara took wasn't what Aang suggested.
Katara's lesson here was that killing him wouldn't bring back her mother or mend the pain she was going through and that Yon Rha wasn't worth the effort. That's what she realizes. Not that she needed to embrace forgiveness. How could she ever forgive that? The episode saying Aang was right wasn't true. Yes she forgives Zuko, but that wasn't what Aang was talking about. He was specifically talking about Yon Rha.
And that was wrong. Aang can choose the path of forgiveness, that's fine. That's his choice. But dismissing Katara's trauma in favor of his morals and upbringing wasn't okay.
I know it sounds like this is just bashing Kataang. But it's not simply because I don't like Kataang, in my opinion it brings down Aang's character too, not just Katara's. But let's steer away from Kataang and Katara for a minute.
The one thing that solidifies Aang's character being ruined in Book 3 for me is the fact that he- at the end of the story- does the same thing he did in the beginning.
He runs away when things get hard.
Aang couldn't make the choice between his duty and his morals. So he ran. Maybe it wasn't intentional, but subconsciously he wanted an out. And this is really disappointing when one of the things he was firm about in Book 2 was not running anymore. His character went backwards here and that's not even getting into the real issue in Sozin's Comet.
There's been contention about the Lion Turtle intervention. For many- including myself- it's very deus ex machina to save Aang from having to make a hard decision. And that in turn doesn't reflect kindly on his character.
Everyone- Sokka, Zuko, Roku, Kyoshi, Kuruk, and Yangchen (who was another Airbender and was raised with the same beliefs he was and would understand which was the whole point of him talking to her)- told him he had to kill Ozai. They all told him it was the only way. And he refused to listen to any of them, rotating through his past lives until he was given the answer he wanted.
And before anyone says that I'm bashing Aang for following his culture, I'm not. Ending the war peacefully, in my opinion, wasn't the problem. In a way, I think it allowed the world to heal properly. However, that doesn't make up for the fact that Aang refused to make a choice and face the consequences of that choice. Instead, he's given an out at the very last second.
Even if he couldn't kill Ozai and someone else had to deliver the final blow, that would have been better than the Lion Turtle showing up and giving him a power no one's ever had before. It would have been a good compromise, he doesn't have to have blood directly on his hands but what needs to be done needs to still get done. It would also show that being the Avatar isn't a burden he has to bear alone. That when things get hard, he can't run away but he can rely on the people closest to him to help him through hard decisions.
All these issues aren't necessarily a problem with Aang. Aang prior to Book 3 didn't have most of these problems. This is a problem with the way he was handled
#aang critical#anti aang#tagging just in case#i don't want aang stans accusing me of cross tagging#it's really not anti aang tho#long post#anti bryke#this is their fault#look how they massacred my boy#anti kataang#katara deserved better#she's not the focus here#but i thought I'd add that there#character analysis#atla critical#anti book 3#which is kind of an exaggeration#because a lot of book 3 is great#it's just most of the latter half
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i posted this on twitter also but itâs still eating at me. iâm so fucking embarrassed to be jewish rn. i dont want to be associated with this ongoing bullshit from israel. why do we need our own state. theyre just making every jew across the globe look bad in general even though many of us are conflicted about zionism and the legitimacy of israel as a state
people have hated jews throughout history for no fuckin reason but now israel exists but now its like. GIVING people reasons to hate us as a group. note that i DONâT conflate zionism with jewishness, but a lot of people in the world donât know the difference because theyre uninformed and been dripfed cultural antisemitic tropes their whole life and thatâs the scary part is them falsely putting two and two together. like what the fuck israel stop youre just putting fuel on the fire for people around the world to hate an entire group of historically persecuted people if youre being this shitty with your insane colonialism and apartheid likeâŚâŚI Want No Fuckin Part Of This. youâre spelling our own doom. you cant just swoop in and go âmine nowâ and then oppress the people you took land from under a regime without my blood boiling at the injustice no matter WHO you are. even if my lineage is tied to you. so when news outlets support israel it doesnât feel like they have the best interest of jews as a people in mind. itâs in the interest of a zionist ethnostate and whatever that christian zionism belief is about the jewish people returning to the holy land as prerequisite for the second coming of jesus. its not like they care about us as a dispersed ethnocultural group, itâs all for that religious narrative that a bunch of people in the US are backing.
saying you want all jews to die is antisemitic. beating someone up because theyâre jewish and no other reason without knowing their views is antisemitic. criticizing human rights violations perpetrated by israel and the belief that one group deserves more rights another is not antisemitic. and the fact that israel has the ability to pull that antisemitism card in response to criticisms of the violations they commit because their state is the âjewish homelandâ drives me fucking insane. take fucking accountability for your actions. and yes, there do exist full-on anti-jewish groups in the middle east that go beyond hatred of israelâs policies and existence as a state and iâm tired of people pretending there arenât in fear of appearing to seem like they support the state of israel. on the other side of things many people overestimate this by fearmongering and saying EVERY arab is out to get jews worldwide, telling people like me âthey want YOU deadâ. this is not the belief every person in the middle east and it really rubs me the wrong way that people group millions of individuals into all-encompassing lumps like this. many people there do understand nuance of this political situation.
even if i have that âright of returnâ by israeli law or whatever, i donât feel obliged to it; it does not register as fair. why do i have a âright of returnâ when iâve never even been there in the first place while palestinians who have homes there canât return to them? whatâs the basis for that? substituting objective reality with an imaginary reality? i donât think like that. i can hypothetically come and go whenever i please but palestinians are severely limited in mobility? what makes me more entitled to that land than the people who lived there for centuries? nothing that comes from natural law thats for sure. itâs all artificial and inflated.
but at the same time i also dont want to be the target of antisemitism and caught in the fray just for being ethnically jewish. once people start calling for the genocide of entire groups weâve got issues (and you better believe this absolutely applies to the palestinian victims in gaza too), because people who dissent to the violence perpetrated by the loudest are caught in there with the people who are perpetrating the violence. lack of nuance. people conflating israel and its zionist apartheid policies with jewish ethnicity and culture worldwide. other people conflating being terrorist anti-jew with muslims worldwide (like that 6-year old palestinian-american boy that was just stabbed to death in chicago). scary times man. but as a jew i canât just opt out of this if itâs how i was born as. i donât have control over that. but i can control what i think and what my beliefs are
#israel palestine conflict#israel#palestine#what i feel is right most strongly resonates with secular humanist philosophy#never really found the right way to explain my worldview until i read about it
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I have an idea I would love to request but I wanted to check with you first! I couldn't help but think Astarion would be so infuriated & confused by me. Like when he held a knife at their throat, they're willing to give him a chance. Their reason is he has no real reason to trust them since he doesn't know them at all so they would show to him that they can be trusted. Then he's more confused when the first time he tries to drink blood from them, reader is shocked then immediately asks questions if it hurts, do they need to be healed, how should their position be so it's easier for him to drink, what would happen after that, etc. Even after he drank & they were feeling the effects, they asked if he still needed more. He answered them no confusedly before they were satisfied with his answer then passed out. He is both relieved and baffled at what just happened. What do you think of this? Please tell me if you're not interested! Thanks!
Local Vampire Spawn confused by care and offers of friendship, more at eleven.
~
Astarion, surprisingly, had gotten pretty lucky when it came to his newfound traveling companions. Two master swordsmen, a barbarian tiefling menace, and a Shar priestess were about the best one could ask for when it came to having protection. He could probably do without the do-gooder druid and walking time bomb of a wizard, but beggars couldn't be choosers.
And then there was you. The unofficial leader of the merry band of weirdos. Hyper competent, kind, and a powerful, and admittingly gorgeous, warrior. You would be perfection if you weren't so... frustrating.
Simply put, Astarion thought you were an idiot. A well-meaning, naive idiot, but a moron nonetheless.
What other explanation was there for your delusional trust in him? Your introduction had involved him pressing a damned blade to your throat, with every intent to kill you if you decided to struggle. Maybe even if you hadnt, if you had been alone. The correct response to a first meeting of that caliber would be to completely disregard him. Or kill him, for someone who had any conception of self-preservation.
But no, instead you gave him the offer to come with you, like that wasn't an absolutely insane thing to do. You had been so understanding, insisting that his penance for trickery and threats was justified. That you would be sure to earn his trust, like that was something worth obtaining.
At first, Astarion tried not to look too deeply into it. You were all going through hell, it made sense to travel in a pack, to find solidarity in others while trapped in a land full of endless horrors. It would explain why you kept the violate gith and the walking bomb around, despite their faults. There was also that foolish air of empathetic care about you at all times that helped explain things, one that extended far past Astarion himself. Though it did have limits. Astarion had borne witness to how unforgiving you could be when someone manipulated your trust. Though he completely agreed that the Hag known as Auntie Ethel fully deserved a slow, painful death, he hadn't been prepared for just how... literal you would take it.
So while you weren't completely without common sense, you still lacked a good deal of it. Like the fact that letting a vampire spawn drink your blood at night wasn't included in those same limits.
He hadn't even meant to open that particular door of feeding on you. It was just... so terribly hard to resist. You smelled divine, the scent of your blood always lingering beneath the surface of your skin. Cloying and decadent, the slightest whiff nearly enough to make his mouth water. He had been trying so damn hard to hide his true nature, feeding on whatever he could find in the dead of night. But none of it felt like enough. It should have been, he had more access to sustenance in the forest than he ever had under Cazedor's thumb. And wild boar were certainly better than sewer rats at the least.
But it wasn't enough to tame his growing desire for your taste. It had just happened. One moment he was simply on his own bedroll, staring up at the stars. And in the next the hunger was overtaking him. He was crawling over you before his mind could even catch up to his actions, his mouth already widening.
And then you woke-up, startled enough to knock Astarion out of his all-consuming thirst. You scrambled to your feet, staring at him with wide eyes as he struggled through an explanation. He had every expecation that this was it. This as the moment you would toss him to the side, realizing once and for all that he wasn't worth the danger.
But instead you just nodded along, the first question out of your mouth when he finished a simple, "Will it hurt?"
Astarion blinked at you, confused at you lack of reaction. He had admitted to being a literal monster for gods' sake. And that's what you were most curious about?
"Yes," Astarion said slowly, watching your face for every microexpression, "It will hurt, briefly. Then the pain fades into something a bit more... tolerable."
You nodded, asking another question, "Would I need healing after? Or would a bandage be enough? I would hate to wake Shawdowheart so late."
That was-he-were you actually considering this?
Astarion shook his head, hope and excitement starting to bubble to the surface, "No, a bandage should be fine. You might want her to top you off with something in the morning, but it won't be anything that can't wait."
"Okay," You said, nodding to yourself once before meeting his eyes with a determined gaze, "In that case, should I lay down? Or would standing be better?"
Astarion could scarcely believe your willingness. Part of him wanted to ask if you were sure that you wanted to do this, but his sheer lust for the taste of your blood shut that part down. Instead Astarion was reaching for your hand, gently tugging you down to lay back on your bedroll.
"This will be perfect," He murmured as he crawled back over you, his fangs protruding on their own accord, "Now stay still darling, we don't want to tear anything, do we?"
Astarion could just make out a lovely flush grace your cheeks at the pet name, barely visible by the campfire. It was a good look on you, that mixture of embarrassment and nerves, one that he wouldn't mind seeing again. But for now he had other appetites to attend to.
Astarion bit down, nearly moaning when the divine taste hit his tongue. Somehow it managed to taste even better than it smelled, warm ambrosia sliding down his throat, filling him with pure energy. It was an exhilarating experience, so much better than anything he'd ever tasted before. It was nearly too good, decadent enough for him to feel greedy.
He could feel you shaking under him, letting out the occasional whimper and whine. He was vaguely aware that this had been going on for too long, that he was taking too much. But it was so damn hard to resist.
It wasn't until you were gently pushing at him, whimpering, "I-I think that's enough."
There was the slightest touch of fear in your voice, the only thing that worked to pierce through his bloodthirsty haze. Astarion rolled off of you, licking his lips with a happy sigh. That was... better than he could ever have imagined.
He hopped up to his feet, sticking a hand out to help you do the same. You seemed woozy and unsteady as you stood, proving his suspicion that he had taken too much. It made the smallest lick of guilt creep up his spine. But it's not like you were ever going to let him do it again, he might as well indulge-
"Are you sure that was enough?" You asked, completely derailing his train of thought, "Will you be okay with just that? Or should we try again in a few hours?"
Were you actually insane?
"No my friend. I think I'll be fine," Astarion said carefully, "Another night perhaps. But, uh, are you okay?"
You shrugged, already sinking back down to your knees, snuggling back into your bedroll like nothing was out of the ordinary, "I'm sure I will be. Just a little tired now is all. Good night."
And then you were closing your eyes, out like a light while Astarion stood above you. Confused beyond belief. That was... how were you still alive? If this was the kind of thing you were willing to do for a near stranger, with nearly 0 reservations?
It was insane, idiotic, stupid. And now you just fell asleep right in front of the same man who cannibalized your blood? What the fuck was that? How was one supposed to respond to that? Astarion was grateful yes, beyond so. He went on to have a very successful hunt, even if his catches tasted worse than ever, they still left him feeling satisfied and capable. But he was plagued with thoughts of you the entire time. Thoughts that followed him through to the morning and the days to come.
You were so damn lucky that he was the spawn that was kidnapped. Half of his brethren would have already used your trust to bleed you dry before fleeing into the night. Gods knows what would have happened to you if it was Cazador who was taken in his place. That thought alone was enough to make shiver, clouding his brain with a massive discomfort at what someone like that would do with someone as... kind as you.
Astarion would never allow it. As stupid as you were, it didn't mean you deserved to be used. Well... by anyone besides himself of course. He was starting to think that he could use all of this blind trust to his advantage. Get you attached to him, force himself as a priority in your life that was worth protecting. But for that to happen you would have to stay alive. And that would mean someone would have to protect you from your infuriating self.
Astarion supposed that would just have to be his job. What it meant that the idea of doing such didn't fill him with resentment? He wasn't sure, and he sure as hells wasn't going to try and find out.
#astarion#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#baldur's gate 3#asks#you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands#basically pre-relatioship#but the feelings are there
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STAR STUDDED BAGGAGE [3].
SYNOPSIS. the saying ânever meet your idolsâ exists for a reason. you just didnât expect the reason to be because said idols would end up declaring that youâre their alleged lover from a past life (past lives, rather). now you have three big celebrities vying for your attention, and itâs not as dreamlike as you imagined it to be.
PAIRINGS. choi yeonjun, choi soobin, choi beomgyu x female! reader. GENRES. reincarnation! au, celebrity! au (soloist! yeonjun, actor! soobin, rock band member! beomgyu), slight college! au, slight historical! au, rom-com, angst, reverse harem woohoo. WARNINGS. swearing, talks about stalking, talks about death, data privacy violations, so much emotional whiplash yummy, a very long conversation, google dependent historical information. WORD COUNT. 6.3k.
NOTE. this chapter finally made its way out hell đđđ per usual, please let me know your thoughts on the chapter! a single comment on ao3 inspired me to finish this, so ur feedback really means a lot! enjoy<3
MASTERLIST | NEXT >
CHAPTER 3 â can we go back to being parasocial?
IF SOMEONE HEARS YOUR SUMMARY OF THE EVENTS THAT UNFOLDED WITHIN THE PAST FEW DAYS, they may accuse you of lying. Delusional, even. Youâd think the same had you not been the center of it allâ yet the proof is in your pockets. Your phone. In the album Choi Yeonjun failed to sign, stuffed inside your bag at the last minute before you left your apartment earlier.
The summary. Right. Yes.
âCan they stop sharing that video of Yeonjun excessively flirting with a fan?! Iâm going to kill myself if I see it one more time.â
You were lucky enough to nab a fansign slot. But instead of getting Choi Yeonjunâs signature, you ended up getting a kiss of a hand instead, along with a scrawl of numbers on your album that youâre far too terrified to try to dial.
âHey, send me our photo with Soobin the other day,â nudges Huening from beside you. âIâm gonna print it out and put it in a locket and use it as a family heirloom.â
You bumped into one of your favorite actors, Choi Soobin, in the middle of a late night convenience store run with your friends to fuel your group all nighter, stained his shirt with your ice cream, and got a photo with him in the process.
âBy the way, have you called the business card yet? What are you gonna do with your broken phone screen?â
And Choi Beomgyu may or may not have professed his undying love for you, asked for your hand in marriage, and started crying in front of you in less than ten fucking minutes.
âSheâs zoned out.â
The problem is, you canât even bask in the delightful absurdity of it all because one common thread from all those three separate instances has been keeping you up for nights. Itâs clawing at your brain, lingering in the back of your mind like an incessant stalkerâ which, mind you, is not a pleasant feeling when the very causes of such disturbance were once the bringers of joy and all things good in your otherwise meaningless life as a cog in the capitalist machinery that is society.
âHello? Are you awake?â
Said problem being the fact that youâre pretty sure they all called you by your name at one point.
How the fuck do they know your name?
âI deleted Twitter. I Airdropped it to you. No, I have not called it yet. Now please let me think in peace.â
Crazy. This is all too crazy. In the first place, what are the odds that you bump into three celebrities within one weekâs time? Is this some sort of prank, or something? Are those three filming a hidden camera show together? No, no. That couldnât be because thereâs no fucking way a company is sane enough to stage a risky hidden camera prank during a fansign knowing full well how obsessive and insane fans can get. Youâre lucky your face wasnât caught in any of the videos circulating onlineâ video of you and Choi Yeonjun, mostly him, acting out a fucking sageuk. Youâre lucky you havenât been doxxed yet.
âFinish your sandwich,â Taehyun clicks his tongue, nudging your food closer to you, and you sigh heavily. Maybe youâre just wrong, you think, taking a bite from the bread. Maybe this is just a misunderstanding. Maybe youâre just overthinking.
You eat your lunch and steal some wet wipes from Gaeul in between. Right. Itâs not like youâre ever gonna bump into them again. You live in, as cliche as it sounds, two different worlds after all. Youâre just gonna watch their dramas, listen to their music, enjoy their performances, and thatâs it thatâs it thatâs it.
âProf Jang sent a message. Class is canceled.â
But stillâ
âWoohoo! Letâs go to the new dessert shop that opened downtown.â
Choi Beomgyuâs voice saying I love you, Choi Soobinâs cologne wafting in the air you were breathing in, and Choi Yeonjunâs lips pressed against your skin.
How can a sane person just forget about all of that?!
âWhy do you look like youâre fantasizing about perverted shit?â Woohyun slaps you in the face with a reality check. This is fucking stupid.
âIâm not fantasizing,â you grunt, because they were events that actually fucking happenedâ they werenât birthed from your brainâs insanity. âAnyway, dessert? Where is it?â You ignore your burning face, hoping that your friends decide to ignore it too, but Gaeul has her eyes narrowed at you. Crap. She didnât recognize that itâs you in the videos right? Holy fucking hell, youâd rather die.
âArenât you gonna answer that?â
Oh. Well. Thatâsâ thatâs something. A good something because she hasnât suspected you yet, moitioning instead to your cracked phone that has been buzzing under your notice because youâve been thinking way too fucking much.
You check the caller ID, but itâs an unknown number, and it doesnât match the business card you got from your run in with the alleged Choi Beomgyu. âHello?â you answer, and a voice you donât recognize says your name and asks if itâs you. âYes, this is her. Whoâs this?â
Another item added to the weird as fuck things that happened to your this week. You excuse yourself from your friends, and with knitted brows, you listen to the stranger at the other end of the line. âYou met Choi Soobin the other day at a 7-Eleven in Gangnam, right?â The fuck? Did someone see you that day? Is this a stalker? âThis is his manager. Lee Byeongho. I would like to speak with you regarding a certain matter.â
Now, hold the fucking phone.
âIs everything alright?â
You respond to Hueningâs concern with a stiff smile before turning away from them. âDid I do something wrong?â you fuss into the call. âI didnât post any of the photos from that day. I never talked about it online either, and Iâm pretty sure my friends havenât either. Wait. Wait a minute. How did you get my number?â
âYes, it was difficult to obtain knowing only your first name and university.â That doesnât answer your question. That just gave you more questions. âBut, no. You arenât in trouble. Actually...I called because youâre the only one who can help usâ help Soobinâ get out of trouble.â
Your face scrunches up.
âIâm at your campus right now. Parking lot. Do you mind meeting me for a moment?â
Just what did you get yourself into?
âYou havenât finished your food. Where are you going?â
âSomewhere,â you reply, quickly snatching your half-eaten sandwich from the table as your friends follow your swift movements with matching looks of confusion. âIâll be right back. Itâs nothing, donât worry.â However, you are quite worried. Youâre pretty sure Lee Manager, or whatever, is committing some data privacy crimes against you, but the one thing you want at the moment is answers. Your brain is about to explode from all the fucking questions and confusion. Thereâs a sliver of hope that meeting up with this sketchy guy can answer a few of them. Youâd take that chance to air out your head.
Thereâs a black van in the parking lot. Itâs the first thing you noticed because one of its doors are open, and thereâs a familiar looking guy waiting just in front of the exposed seats.Â
He notices you approaching. âItâs nice to finally meet you,â he says. Whatâs with men youâre meeting for the first time treating you with familiarity? Youâre going to rip your hair out and throw yourself into moving traffic.
âSure, but can you get to the point?â you stiffly say. âIâm a little busy. I still have classes in a bit.â
âOf course, Iâm sorry. This whole situation mustâve come off as a shock to you.â Great, now youâre feeling bad. Soobinâs manager (allegedly) looks like heâs been through a whole lot as well. âAnyway. You are a fan of Choi Soobin, correct?â
âWell,â you blink. âYes.â
âHow about the dramas Kang Jaehee has written and directed?â he follows up. âAre you a fan of those as well?â
Your brows furrow. âI guess?â Peach Tree. That Summer. Mogi. Those are the titles that come right at the top of your head. âWhat does that have to do anything with me?â Manager Lee spares you a look of pity. You feel like this meet-up is just set out to making you even more fucking confused.
âI sincerely apologize. I didnât want to drag you into this either, but Iâm afraid youâre the only option I have,â says Manager Lee despondently. âSince...since you are a fan of Soobin, and I assume that means you also care about his career, soââ
He pauses. Like heâs practicing the next set of words heâs about to say inside his head.
ââdo you mind meeting up with him to convince him to take the lead role for Kang Jaeheeâs upcoming drama?â
But nothing couldâve prepared you for that.
What.
What the fuck?
âMr Manager. Sir,â you start, appalled beyond comprehension. âIâd appreciate it if you start making a bit more sense.âÂ
âTrust me, I canât believe Iâm doing this either.â
Youâre speechless. Your mouth is hanging open with no words coming out because, again, what the fuck? Manager Lee looks just as defeated as you, as if he werenât the one who had just presented that ridiculous proposal. You are, quite frankly, at a discernible loss.Â
Manager Lee lets out a sigh and digs a hand into his pocket. âIâm afraid this is all the time I have today. But please contact me once youâve made a decision.â Another business card acquired. This is just dandy. âI am really hoping for your cooperation, miss. Iâm sure youâre aware of Soobinâs inactivity lately, and my intention of approaching you today is simply in order to help my starâs career. Please consider the favor positively, and we will compensate you as much as my authority can allow.â
With that, youâre left with another laminated piece of paper in your hands. Gosh. This is a headache. When you get back to your friends, they notice the distress youâre in, further justifying a visit to the new dessert store, and seeing how your soul has completely left your body, youâre dragged along with them with ease.
âHey, pick one. My treat,â says Woohyun. You let out a grunt and point at a random pastry on display. Next thing you know, youâre seated in between Huening and Gaeul at the store you donât even know the name of.Â
Huening is force feeding you an eclair. âEat.â Your scowl disappears when you allow the eclair entry into your mouth. âSeriously, whatâs going on with you? Who did you meet earlier?âÂ
Seeing as you show absolutely no intentions of telling them, they refuse to question you about it further. Good on them, because thereâs no way in hell youâre spilling your predicament. Not until you find out exactly what kind of situation youâre in, at the very least. The two business cards feel like theyâre weighing your pockets down, a constant reminder of their existence along with the scrawl Yeonjun left behind. Â
âI know exactly how to make you feel better.â
The declaration comes from Gaeul, who slides her phone over to you, and when you look down to see what exactly her miracle medicine is to make you feel less manic, you hack out a cough upon seeing Choi Yeonjunâs face on her phone screen. âThe hell is wrong with you?â asks Taehyun from across, giving you some water to push down the eclair lodged in your throat. âI know you like him, but even that is an overreaction.â
Jesus, youâre close to losing it. When youâve avoided choking to death, Gaeul puts an airpod into your ear, and you hear Yeonjun reading out some comments. âChoi Yeonjun, you look really happy lately, did something good happen? someone asked,â he says while having snacks of his own. âFirst of all, why are you calling me Choi Yeonjun? Itâs like youâre putting a wall between us. I donât like it.â
Gaeul makes a noise of some sort and had you not been subjected to this weekâs insanities, you might have reacted the same way too. Instead, you simply listen to his live in caution, feigning disinterest as you watch him nibble on some pretzels and churros through the screen, continuing to answer the slew of questions in the comments.
âAnyway, youâre right! Something good did happen.â Yeonjun hums while picking out a pretzel from the paper bag, rustling noise and a lively tune filling the audio for a momentâ a short moment, right before he continues speaking. âThatâs because I finally met the love of my life.â
Taehyun has to give you his water again.
âOh? Oho, whatâs with the exclamation points?â he laughs. âDid I meet them the other day? Hmm...thatâs a secret. Youâre curious? You think it might be you? Well, letâs see. Should I describe her?â
âGod, heâs so fucking messy,â says Gaeul from beside you. âThis is why I like him. How many calls is he getting for his manager and company this time?â
âWhatâs going on? Why is she so startled?â
âYeonjunâs talking about his apparent soulmate, I donât know. Wanna listen?â
âDidnât he get in trouble for doing the same thing last time too?â
Now, youâre not one to give a shit about his love life, and you like to stay out of that side of celebrity gossip as much as you can, but Choi Yeonjun himself is droning on about the love of his life right now. You canât not hear about it even if you want to. However, as much as you want to let things come into one ear and out through the other, you canât. Becauseâ wait. Wait. His description is eerily familiar. His description is making you double take and second guess what youâre fucking hearing.
âSounds a lot like you,â Taehyun remarks without much thought, right after Choi Yeonjun says that the girl he likes has a bit of an attitude, but he likes that about her.
Huening lets out a snort. âYeah, thatâs definitely you. Why donât you go in a wedding dress the next time you attend a fansign? Who knows, you might have a shot.â
You snap them a dirty look. Fuck. This is making your head spin. For the second time, Choi Yeonjunâs tendency of putting himself into headlines and the trending searches for doing something insane is giving you nothing but stress.
âI did give her my number, but she hasnât messaged me yet, so Iâm quite hurt.â
Number. Hold on a fucking second.
âThe comments are going crazy.â
You grab your bag from underneath you, dropping it down to your lap.
âHey, if youâre watching this, plâeeeeease contact me. Kim Noona thinks I have a phone addiction now because Iâve been dying waiting for your call.â
You quickly get up from your seat.
âYo, where are you going this time?â
âI need a minute,â you announce, eyes scanning the store for a quiet place alone while hugging your bag to your chest. Thereâs nowhere. Looks like you have to get out.Â
âDamn, we were just joking. As if you have a chance with a celebrity like him.â
Hueningâs joke is ignored and you quickly leave outside the doors, making a sharp turn around the corner, slipping through the passersby downtown until you find an empty alley. Your heart is racing. Your heart is racing like crazy and you may be reaching right now. You may be acting crazy, but what Choi Beomgyu said during the interview with Yeong-Il the other day is echoing in your mind, andâ in conjunction with everything else that had happenedâ youâre starting to think that maybe he wasnât joking.
Your cracked phone screen greets you when you take it out of your pocket. On your other hand is the first business card you got this week.
âWhoâs this?â
âHello. Good day.â You tell them your name, the events that led up to you receiving this number, with the hope that maybe youâre finally on to something. âIâd like to talk about the compensation for my broken phone.â
Whatever that something is, youâre gonna get to the bottom of it.
*
Itâs already beyond closing time at Kwiyeomdongmoim Cafe (a mouthful, you know), yet your pink apron is still neatly tied around your waist as you pace back and forth, to and fro, in circles inside the breakroom. The time is half-past nine in the evening. You shouldâve clocked out thirty minutes ago, but youâre still waiting.Â
The knock on the door signified the end of your wait. You turn to see your bossâs head popping in through the half-open crack.Â
âThree guys are waiting for you,â informs Seokmin. âThey all seem handsome. Are they your suitors?â
When you ditched your friends at the still unnamed dessert store the other day, you did it to make a few calls. Three, to be exact. Today is the culmination of those calls, which is why youâve been erratically nervous the entire freaking day. Choi Soobin, Choi Beomyu, and Choi Yeonjunâs managers all answered respectively when you called all the sketchy numbers you got and made some negotiations (apparently, the mess on your album is Yeonjunâs number, but he got his phone confiscated after that livestream).Â
âAs if,â you say, walking up to the door leading back into the cafe. Suitors, more like stalkers. Fans stalking their idols is common, but the other way around is a pretty fresh idea. âAnyway, thanks, Kyeom. Thank you for letting me use the store for a while.â Because this is the only private place you can think of outside of your own homeâ and thereâs no way in hell youâre letting them in there when you donât even know how they managed to get hold of your personal information.
âWeâre closed anyway.â Seokmin smiles and makes way for you to pass by. âGo ahead and do your thing. Do you want me to stay inside or keep watch?âÂ
âYou can stay inside, itâs alright.âÂ
He nods. âCall me when youâre done. Scream if you need backup. I can handle all of them.â
You laugh and thank him once more, a pat on his arm before you decide to peek out the door first as a precautionary measure. From your spot, you can see three thoroughly covered men in windbreakers, caps, and masks sitting on three separate tables in the store. The blinds have already been rolled down, so you canât see anything outside, but there doesnât appear to be any cameras around, so you take it as a safe sign to finally leave your hiding spot.
The moment you do, the break room door creaks, and all three pairs of eyes immediately fall on you.Â
They stand up. They call out your name in unison.
Holy shit.
And when they do, they all look at each other with a sudden flash of hostility in the air.
Um. Well. How are you supposed to do this? âHâhello,â you manage to squeak out, prompting their attention once more. Soobin takes off his cap and removes his mask, the other two following suit, and oh my god. Oh my god. You suck in a deep breath. Today, you are not a fan. You are an interrogator. This is not a fansign. This is an interrogation.Â
âIâ uh, I asked your managers if I can meet you all toâtoday for a specific reason.â Wow. Good job. Your hands are shaking and you canât look up from the floor or else youâd start losing your mind. âButâbut, before thatâ would...would you like some drinksâŚ?â
Interrogation paused. You need to get your shit together first.
âPlease enjoy.â
With the help of your boss (because your hands wouldnât stop shaking and you dropped the first one you made), you managed to whip up four iced teas and settle all three of them into one table at the very back of the store. You send a stiff smile at Seokmin after he placed all the drinks on the table.
God, you owe him so muchâ especially when heâs being unreasonably glared at by the three men sitting with you right now. Choi Beomgyu to your left, Choi Soobin to your right, Choi Yeonjun directly across from you and holy fuck, you have yet to look at them properly yet for your own safety. They havenât been talking to each other either, simply sitting and waiting for you to speak. Youâre pretty sure they know each other though, at least by name, being in the same industry and all.Â
To say that the tension in the air is suffocation would be an understatement. How...how do you start this? The fuck should you say first?
âYou know, I was really happy when Kim Noona told me you called.â
Apparently you donât have to start it. Choi Yeonjun does it for you.
âBut why are these two crashing our date?â
And thatâs when things also start to get messy.
âDate?â Choi Soobin interjects. He sounds offended. Why does he sound offended. âWhat are you talking about?â
Choi Yeonjun doesnât get a chance to make his case. Because Choi Beomgyu from your left suddenly snatches one of your hands from the table, prompting you to look at one of them for the first time tonight, and your eyes fly wide open. âIâd...like to apologize for the other day. I was just overtaken by my emotions. I hope you werenât too freaked out.â
You are quite freaked out because holy shit, this is too much maybe. Not maybe. Yes. This is too much. Too. Much.âHey, why are you holding her hand?!â you hear Choi Soobin exclaim from your other side. Choi Beomgyuâs soft expression suddenly disappears into a glare and a sneer the moment he shifts his gaze.
âYouâre holding her hand too!â
âWhy canât I?!â
âHey, this isnât fair! One of you switch with meââ
Dizzy. Youâre feeling dizzy. Your head is spinning and youâre suffocating from the heat emanating from your very face. Whatever theyâre arguing about isnât even reaching your ears anymore. Youâre getting lightheaded and your sweaty hands start slipping out from the twoâs weirdly tender hold on your hands because your body is physically breaking down.
âShut up! Oh my god, my headââ
Your vision actually starts spinning for a second so you quickly bring the bottom of your palms to your temples, elbows on the table to balance yourself, only to be wobbled and shaken because the three suddenly jolted off their seats in panic.
âAre you okay?!â
âIâm fine, just pleaseâfor the love of godâ sit down and shut up.â
They sit down and shut up. You massage your temples in silence. You remove your hands from your face and, after sucking in a deep breath and releasing it thereafter, feel your heartbeat settling into a normal rate. As normal as it can get in this situation.
âWhew. Okay. I think Iâm ready. Letâs get down to business.â Finally, youâre the one steering the conversation. You give each of them a once over as quickly as possible because now you know that prolonged eye contact will only hurt you. You settle with looking at the gaps between each of them. Thatâs fine. Youâre fine. âChoi Soobin, Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu.â
Itâs like three bulbs just lit up in succession. Your brain is starting to hurt.
âAâas I was saying, you three are some of South Koreaâs biggest celebrities and although I am, in fact, a big fan of all three of youââ Why is Choi Soobin growing pink. Why the fuck is he blushing. ââthatâ that does not make me fail to recognize the amount of weird shit thatâs been happening lately, and I think I need answers.â
They are still sitting down and shutting up. They listen to instructions well, at the very least.
âFirst, how the fuck did all three of you know my name without any prior introduction. Secondââ
The words get clamped in your throat. Itâs lodged in there very tightly because you make the mistake of looking one of them in the eye, only to notice that all three of them are looking at you with the same expression. An expression you can only describe as longing.
And your face starts burning.
âSeâ second, whyâŚwhy do you all keep looking at me like Iâm an ex you want to get back together withâŚ?â
Maybe you asked the wrong question.
Because for some reason they all look sad now. Really sad. Really fucking sad and itâs making your stomach clench and nerves all numb and funky because making three big celebrities all sad simultaneously is a bragging right at one end of the spectrum, and a national crime at the other.
Itâs Choi Soobin who cracks the silence. âIâŚI had a feeling when I saw you again for the first time at the store.â Again? âDo you not remember me?â
Your face furrows. âNoâŚ? Did we ever meet before you became an actor?â
Hurt. The look of sadness has now spiraled into hurt and one might think you just stabbed and twisted a knife into his fucking gut. âHowâhow about me?â Your attention turns to Choi Yeonjun who isnât looking any better. Itâs like his entire world view was just proven to be wrong and why does it feel like youâre the one to blame.Â
What else can you do but shake your head in denial? Now he looks like heâd just been told heâs adopted!
âYouâreâŚyouâre joking,â he tries to laugh it off, but it only comes off as strained and shaky, then, in one fell swoopâ desperate. âRârightâŚ?â
âGreat!â
Before you start feeling even shittier, Choi Beomgyu finally decides to join in.Â
âAnd here I thought her forgetting about me was the worst case scenario.â His tone is bitter. Thereâs a snap in his words. âI didnât think thereâd be other bastards in the same situation as me. God fucking damn it.â
Thereâs a moment of silence. You watch as realization hits the other while youâre still left in the dark. Choi Yeonjun juts his seat closer. Choi Soobin tries to reach a hesitant arm to your direction, but youâre tugged to the other side by Choi Beomgyu, whoâs suddenly a little too, too close.
âHey.â
Your hands are clamped together.Â
âI meant it when I said I love you. I do. I have loved you four hundred years ago and I still love you now, and if whatever god or deity decides to make you meet you for the third time, Iâll still love you then.â
Beomgyuâs holding both of them in between his in a firm grip.
âSecond life is about you. Blue Spring is about you. Youâre the person Iâve been waiting for from the beginning of this life until the last.â
Now, if this situation wasnât crazy, your heart would be skipping a beat right now.
But it is crazy. This is fucking insane. And you look around to see that thereâs a weird look of sympathy and understanding in the other Choiâs eyes, clearly not recognizing the visceral insanity of this situation, which fills you with a swallowing lump of existential dread. You pry your hands out of Beomgyuâs grasp (you swear you can hear glass breaking), and slowly turn to Choi Yeonjun and say, with a very hesitant, very cautious, âY...you tooâŚ?â
The look on his face says it all. And then you swivel over to Choi Soobin.
âAnd you?âÂ
âIâve loââ
âNo!â you snap. âDonât finish that sentence. Please. Oh my god.â
You see Seokmin popping his head out from the corner, mouthing an are you okay? and you shakily bring up a weak thumbs up. âWell, isnât this interesting,â you hear Choi Yeonjun say, which feels like a slap in the face because what exactly is interesting about this. âHere I thought I was special.â
âGet off your high horse,â retorts Choi Soobin, a sneer in his voice. You double take. Choi Soobin is supposed to be sweet and gentle and kind. Who is this man? âWhatever kind of past you had with her doesnât mean anything. I met her first. I met her at the end of King Danjongâs rule.â
âHa!â Choi Yeonjun starts. âWe got married under King Taejong. Iâve loved her before any of you did.â
Now, what the fuck?
Choi Soobinâs face pales and he chokes over his words. âMâmarried?â
Thereâs a smug grin on Choi Yeonjunâs face. He leans back against the chair with his arms crossed in victory. âYou heard that correctly. Married. Pack up your bags. Unless you want me to tell you everything we did on our weââ
âShut up, shut up, I donât want to hear it!â
Marriage. King Danjong. King Taejong. Second life. The gears are churning inside your head. You donât like the direction where the gears are pointing.
âWhat about you?â
Choi Yeonjun raises the question and the attention is now on Choi Beomgyu. Heâs been quiet. The other two wait for him to say his pieceâ a feigned air of disdain and arrogance but thereâs an unconcealable undertone of nervousness underneath it all. Your iced teas have been left untouched. Choi Beomgyu simply scoffs and presses his crossed arms against his chest.
âI have no reason to tell you any of that. This is between me and her.â
And at your mention, you receive the undivided attention of three pairs of eyes once more. Your heart rattles. God fucking damn it. Listen, youâre an avid consumer of the entertainment industry. Youâve watched a good amount of dramas and have read a good amount of manhwas to surmise a conclusion with the bits and pieces of stray information being tossed back and forth between the three. And itâs all ridiculous. But you have nothing else to work with unless they come spilling their guts themselves.
âSo,â you clear your throat. âAre you three, likeâŚa coupleâŚhundred years oldâŚ?â
They all look offended.Â
âNo!â
Well, maybe youâre wrong about that part. But after a very long, convoluted discussion, the âfactsâ (if you can even call it that), are finally laid down on your feet.
They say youâve all met before. Separately, in three separate lifetimes, with this one allegedly being your fourth unless there were lives in between that they canât remember. One thing for certain is that the three of them remember the life they had while loving youâ and they loved you very much apparently because those feelings and memories got carried over even after they got reborn into the present day.
The problem is, you donât have the same symptoms. You donât remember anything about your past lives. Hell, you canât even remember anything in this life before you hit two years old.Â
You slump in your seat. The table rattles. They get up from their chairs and come circling around you in concern.
âAreâ are you okay, do you need to lie down? You could rest in my van for a while andââ
You swat Choi Yeonjunâs hand away before it could land on your shoulder. Youâve now got your hands on your face in stress, and peeking through you see Choi Soobin on your right, crouching down and looking up at you with furrowed brows and big, sad eyes. On your left is Choi Beomgyu, half-seated on the chair. You let out a very long, very anguished and muffled groan. This is too much. âIfâ if what you guys are saying is true,â you say. âWhat does it matter?â
Thereâs a tense pause in the air.Â
âWhat do you meanâŚ?â
You spring up from your seat and turn around, Choi Yeonjun in front of you.Â
âI mean what does it all matter? King Sejeong, Joseon era, or whateverâ I donât care about all of that. Weâre in the twenty-first century right now. Iâm neither your lover nor your wife. Iâm just a fan of your dramas and music and performances and that's it.â
You squeeze your eyes shut. You donât really want to see their faces right now. You let a huff of air slip past your lips, turning back around to collect the untouched glasses of drinks on the table.
âThank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to meet me and explain. I hope itâs all settled. Thanks for clearing everything up today. You can now all leave.â
Itâs Choi Yeonjun who races after you when you make your firm and quick strides to the counter. He cuts off your path. âIâI donât understand,â he chokes out. You make the mistake of meeting his gaze and see the threat of tears glazing his eyes. âWhatâwhat do you mean?â
Admittedly, that hurled a giant pang against your ribcage, knocking the air out of your chest, but you move forward. You brush past him, setting the glasses back on the counter, andâ after a momentâs pauseâ you turn around, a heavy weight on your shoulders. Itâs like gravity is trying to suck you deep into the mantle. âWhat Iâm trying to say is we should all just get over what happened all those hundreds of years ago and live our lives in the present. I mean, I donât know any of you. Donât you think itâs unhealthy to keep clinging onto the past, especially when you guys are nothing but strangers to me in this life?â
Dead silence. You donât dare look at any of them in the face. You try and retreat to the break room as quickly as you can, hands fumbling to untie your apron along the way, but you stumble over your steps, screeching to a halt the moment you hear someone sayâ
âDo you think itâs that easy?â
You could hear your heart in your eardrums.Â
It takes all the strength in your body for you to look back, to see the pained expression on Choi Beomgyuâs face standing the farthest away from you out of the three. âDo you think I put my name out there so that itâd be easier for you to find me, wrote all those songs about you in the hopes that I could see you again if youâre someone I can just easily forget?â
Your throat tightens. Itâs like youâre swallowing a boulder.
âIf you wanted me to forget about you, you shouldnât have died right in front of me then. You shouldnât have told me you loved me right before you went cold in my arms if you wanted me to fucking forget.â
Oh.
Oh, god.
Choi Yeonjun and Choi Soobin donât look any better. It hits you that you might have been more than a little bit unfair.
âIâm sorry.â
You donât know your history. You donât know what the fuck happened between you and them throughout those years that made them feel so strongly about you. But it must be harder for those who remember than for those who forgot.
Itâs not like they chose to live in the present with half of their souls stuck in the past, either. Youâve been acting awfully unfair.
âI was being insensitive. Iâm so sorry,â you exhale. Your knees feel like theyâre about to buckle. Your head is spinning in circles. âBut to be honest, this is all still very overwhelming, and Iâm having a hard time comprehending and making sense of everything. It doesnât feel real.â You try to take a step closer, but your legs give in. Choi Yeonjun quickly rushes to balance you back on your feet.
âDonât push yourself,â he says, softly. You canât look at him. God, these guys really know how to bring your guilt all the way home.
âThanks, um, anywayââ You breathe in. Shit, you canât believe youâre considering this. âAgain, I really canât and wonât be able to understand the magnitude of yourâ well, uhâ feelings, since I really donât remember anything. But how aboutâŚI spend some time with each of you individually, and maybeâŚmaybe it can help in jogging back my memories?â
The atmosphere shifts. Ah. This feels like a fucking trap.
âYouâ you mean it?â
To be honest, youâd much rather just not deal with any of this, just stay at home and continue living your life with these three men as persons you only know behind the screen. But those looks in their eyesâ hopeful and melancholicâ make you feel your organs are being rearranged every five seconds, and youâd feel bad leaving them with the pain of this conversation especially after they poured out their hearts to you.
You canât deny the joy and escape theyâve given you for the past couple of years youâve spent as their fan. Maybe entertaining this unreality is the least you can do.
âI mean, well,â you start, clearing your throat. âChoi Beomgyu, you still need to pay for my phone. Choi Soobin, your manager wanted me to talk to you about something, and Choi Yeonjunââ
You look at the guy who still has one arm pressed against your back, two hands in a firm grip on your shoulders. Heâs looking at you and batting his eyes expectantly. You let out a sigh and set yourself loose.
âI need to discuss something with you soon, too.â As in, please stop vaguely mentioning me in your live streams because I fear I might find an angry mob in front of my house. âI think I have all your contact information anyway.â
There arenât any more reactions coming from them. This seems like the best possible solution for all of you. You sigh again. This has been an emotionally draining evening. You canât wait to get some fucking rest.
âIâll be in touch with you or your managers soon. For now, letâs call it a day.â
STAR STUDDED BAGGAGE. Š hannie-dul-set, 2024.
#tomorrow x together x reader#txt x reader#choi yeonjun x reader#choi soobin x reader#choi beomgyu x reader#txt scenarios#tomorrow x together scenarios#txt x you#tomorror x together x you#soobin x reader#yeonjun x reader#beomgyu x reader#txt fanfic#choi soobin x you#choi beomgyu x you#choi yeonjun x you
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Maybe this is smth you've already added to your excellent svsss cheat sheet, but does the System ever EXPLICITLY say (or even firmly imply) that SQQ will be killed if he spills the beans? And going further, even if his account WAS "terminated," is it ever explicitly confirmed that he's dead in the modern world/ that his body is dead and going back would kill him? We all know our mans is king of wild assumptions, and I can't remember if/where that was said. Thank you for your service as always.
So the system did say if Shen Yuan violated its rules, he'd be sent back to his original world. It's sound to assume that being returned wouldn't mean he goes back to being alive in his world. Shang Qinghua DID get the offer to return to his world, but that was after he "completed" his role.
We also know that when Shen Yuan came close to returning (before he changed it to the Bingge punishment protocol) it was painful for him.
But really, there's no way to tell for sure if it's a Shang Qinghua type situation or if he'd end up as a ghost back in his world.
As for him revealing his identity... I never thought about it, but now I do think there was never a rule saying he can't say he's a transmigrator. (If I'm wrong about this, feel free to reply with a correction!) Also whenever Tianlang Jun questioned the amount of knowledge Shen Yuan has about the mausoleum, the system didn't say anything, which implies people being suspicious of his identity doesn't matter
This probably means the only reason Shen Yuan never said anything about him being a transmigrator is probably because
1: He thought no one would believe him (it does sound a bit insane)
2, and more likely in my opinion: he just didn't think it mattered. From the beginning he dove headfirst into the role of Shen Qingqiu. Even after the OOC function was unlocked, he didn't stop with the aloof master act. I think he just... wanted to preserve Shen Qingqiu as a person in Binghe's 'story' - he wants Binghe to watch him die, move on, and go get his harem so he can be happy. Revealing his identity would just complicate that... not to mention how much he suppresses things about himself. Talking about things like his old family or life would be like talking about ... FEELINGS and there's no way in hell he'd do that. But again this is just my personal guess
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