#the videos is real I’m freaking out and I’m just chilling at home | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dilfl0v3rss · 2 years ago

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WAIT CS I HAVE AN IDEA-

Y/n sneaks out to a party that she don’t have no business in going and ony catches her when she get home and fuck ha shit upp Like he always doo

AWWWW SHIT NAAAAAAA. I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOINGGGGG.😩😩😩

party pooper

cw: gun violence

word count: 2.1k

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

you were thinking about this party all week, having an outfit and everything picked so you didn’t have anything to worry about the day of. ony knew you were going out tonight, but you kind of left out the fact that you were going to the trenches to shake ass at a party. he still ended up finding out anyways, telling you to stay your ass home, but who tf want to do that.

he wasn’t supposed to be home until late so you figured you could just sneak out and be back by the time he got home. so that’s exactly what you did. your friend was outside your house by ten and you got right tf up outta there, skirt riding up your ass as you ran to the car in excitement. “bitchhh you ready?” sasha yelled, hands gripping the steering wheel as she shook in excitement.

“nah i’m actually shakin in my boots. if this man find out i think he might kill me furreal.” you and sasha were basically in the same predicament, going to this party without the approval of your boyfriends. “who give a fuck? we live right now and we’ll die laterrrr.” you giggled, nodding your head in agreement as you turned up the music and sung along for the rest of the journey.

the party was jumping. there was bitches shaking ass (including you), niggas selling drugs, and good music playing so loud that it could be heard down the block. you and sasha got comfortable real quick and we’re honestly having the most fun you’ve had in awhile. “this is your song girl you can’t let these hoes outdo youuu!!” sasha yelled as the intro to freak hoe by speaker knockerz began to play. you made your way to the middle of the floor swaying side to side until the beat dropped.

ass shaking in circles as you leaned over and held onto sasha’s arms for support. everyone’s eyes gravitated towards you as you continued moving to the song, that was until three loud gunshots were heard. bodies began to scatter everywhere as the entire party got ruined. people were jumping out of windows and running in random peoples cars just to get away from the cause of the deadly sound.

you and sasha finally made it to her car. pissed that your fun was ruined. “Y/N! bring your ass over here, NOW!!” your body froze as you listened to the familiar voice. while you was too busy being hardheaded and living it up at a party you shouldn’t be at, you didn’t think to try to at least be lowkey. ony and connie were chilling at their trap house when he looked one of his friend’s story. there you were, shaking ass for the whole world to see, skirt practically on your stomach as you gave everyone a show.

“man ima kill this girl” connie looked at his friend in concern before bubbling with the same anger as he watched the video replay on his phone. “i know that’s not my girl in the back. yea we out.” connie grumbled, pointing at sasha who was right behind you recoding as well. with that the two of them sped to the party, guns hidden securely on their waists as they walked inside.

ony didn’t plan on shooting it up, he actually was just gon calmly grab you up outta there for your safety because this is a bad area you were in. he looked around the house until his eyes landed on the center of a big circle of people. once he registered the sight in front of him he could help but reach right for his gun. your boyfriend was nowhere near insecure. he knew it was your body and that you had every right to shake some ass if you wanted, but the sight of the men around you made him sick.

cameras out, zooming closer and closer to your more private areas as you were obliviously dancing along to your favorite song. in no time his gun was out and there were three bullets let off in the ceiling. ony watched the people scatter as he waited inside for the house to be empty. him and connie stood on the porch, watching you stand next to sasha while she scrambled in her bag for her keys.

“m’not playin wit you girl. come over here now or it’s just gon be worse for you at home.” your legs moved slowly as you thought of an excuse as to why you were here. before you knew it, you were face to face with his heavy breathing chest, instantly making you revert your eyes to the ground. “unt uhh look at me mama. ian down there.” his strong hand wrapped around your throat, forcing your head to shoot upwards towards his face.

“here’s what’s gon happen. you gon get in the car, quietly. ion wanna here no crying or whining during this whole ride or ima add it on to the lesson ima teach you when we get home, understand?” his voice was low and menacing as he stared into your eyes, face drained of any emotion. “o-okay.” your lungs filled with air as ony let go of your neck, nodding towards his car.

you sat in the passenger seat scared shitless as you watched him give the guy that threw the party a stack of cash, probably for the damage he caused, before dapping connie up and saying goodnight to sasha. he got in the car quietly, not sparing you a single glacé before driving the two of you home. the ride was completely silent like he wanted. any excuses you thought of were quickly swallowed as well as the urge to cry.

you didn’t even notice when you got home until you felt your door open. “let’s go.” ony mumbled. he walked you to the living room, manspreading on the couch while you stared down at him. “m’really really really so-” he sucked his teeth before throwing you over hip lap. skirt already so short that his brown eyes got a good view of your soaked panties. warm palm caressing your ass as he spoke. “what’d i tell you baby?”

the smoothness of his voice made you shiver. “why you shakin’? ian spank you yet.” a chuckle rumbled from ony’s chest as he listened intently for your reply. “m’scared.” you were terrified. usually when you’d get in trouble your boyfriend would lecture you and make a big fuss so his calmness was very foreign to you.

“good.” a hard smack was brought to your ass causing the pending tears in your eyes to begin to fall. your hands instantly flew to cover your burning skin, sheliding them from his rough palms. “you know why ian want you over there right?” he grabbed both of your hands into his singular one, ignoring your whimpers. “b-because it’s n-not sa-“

“because it’s not fucking safe, that’s right. a nigga could’ve put sum in your drink or snatched you up. that’s the shit that be happening at parties like that and instead of being my good girl and listening to me, you decided to be. a. brat.” three more strikes were made to your ass. each harder than the last as you thrashed around on his thighs. “m-m’sorry papa.”

your tears created a small wet patch to form on the couch. you honestly didn’t mean to make him worry so much. it was just that you haven’t gotten to go out in awhile and wanted to finally have some fun. the wet patch went unnoticed until your cheek was smushed into it. ony removed himself from under you, positioning his body behind your before pushing your back down. “yea i bet you are baby. hold onto that pillow right there.”

head nodding towards the cushion as he untied the strings of his sweatpants. you gushed at the sight of his print through his grey briefs, moaning out loud as you thought of how good he was going to feel. “look straight mama. this a punishment, not a reward.” you obeyed, gripping the pillow tightly as you prepared yourself for the stinging stretch of his dick.

“be g-gentle daddy.” you mumbled as ony gripped both of your asscheeks, pulling your panties to the side and squeezing them as he spreader them apart. “be obedient.” he trusted his full length into you, giving you no time to prepare as he began pounding you into the cushion of the couch. “oouuu fuck mama. you always so tight.” ony groaned, hand flat on your back as his other delivered many slaps on your ass.

you outstretched your arm, pushing at his stomach for him to ease up. “p-pleaseeee aahhgg. jus take a little out daddyyyy.” whining as you were already trying to run from him. ony grabbed the bottom of your shirt, pulling your ass all the way back to him to the point where you were flush against his stomach. “stop running and take this shit. and move your fucking hand. barely even started yet.” he slapped your hand away, continuing to pound into you.

all eight inches of him curving just right in your pussy. as you got more used to his size, your heat grew wetter as the constant friction. moans began flying from your mouth left and right making you tighten round him. “there you go mama. takin me like a good girl.” his hips began snapping into you harder, making it more difficult for you to take him. “ahh w-wait a little bit daddy. s’too biggg.”

ignoring you, ony thrusted into you harder, pushing your back down lower so he could reach that spongy spot deep inside you. your stomach brushed against the couch as your body jolted. “unt uhh baby where’s the big girl that like t’sneak out, huh? where’s the girl that like to go out and shake her ass in a skimpy lil skirt while her man is worried sick about her?” where she at?”

wetness trickling down your thighs as you kept your death grip on the pillow. “s-she said she’s ahh s-sorry. m’sorryyyy daddyyy.” ony halted his trusts, giving you a hard slap on your ass and tightening his grip on your shirt. “mhmm throw that ass back princess. make it up to daddy.” his strong arm started you off by pulling you back and forth by your shirt before letting you do it on your own. ass clapping repeatedly as you twerked on his dick.

his brown eyes rolling as he felt you clench tighter around him. you continued working yourself on his shaft, chasing your upcoming orgasm. “d-daddy?”you were met with nothing but his hips fucking you back as he stared at where the two of you were connected. he was hypnotized by your body. “baby?” his head snapped up towards yours, shaking himself out of his thoughts before replying. “y-yea pretty? ahh fuck.” he breathed.

“i’m r-really sorry. i d-didn’t mean to make y-you worry, honest. i-i jus wanted t’go have funn, and when you told me the day of that i wasn’t allowed i g-got a little upset. i wont g-go over there e-ever again i swearrrr.” you began pushing yourself back harder as you held eye contact. ony’s resolve weakened as he felt his blood begin rushing to his dick, signaling to him he was going to cum if he didn’t get in control quickly.

ony’s hand tangled in your hair before pulling you up to his chest, arm wrapping around your middle as he kissed up and down your neck. his long tongue licked a stripe behind your ear before whispering dirty words to you. “mhmm. m’not finna say it’s okay ‘cause it’s not, but i forgive you mama. now keep making daddy feel good and i’ll give you this nut. how dat sound?” his teeth closed around your ear, gold girls pinching the skin. “y-yes please.”

the both of you moved on one accord, fucking each other dumb as you reached your climax’s. body growing weak and legs shaking as your thick cream rushed down his shaft. ony easily held you up, continuing to use you as his personal fleshlight. “ughh fuck baby m’finna cum.” his pace quickened, hips pistoning into you as you screamed from the overstimulation. he gave you one final trust before kissing you to keep you quiet, moaning into your mouth as his hot ropes flowed into your walls.

the two of you stayed like that for awhile, giving each other light kisses as you panted in each others mouths. “lemme get the water ready mama. we needa take a bath.”

#aot onyankopon #onyankopon x black reader #aot x black reader #onyankopon x reader #aot #plug!ony #plug!onyanopon

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nickeverdeen · 28 days ago

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hello!! i'd like to request a romantic matchup for tlou 2 and arcane pls (suggestive is ok too). i'm a lesbian so women lol

my pronouns are they/she. i've got long dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and fair-ish skin (southeast asian so a light tan?). i'm about 5'2" and chubby/on the larger end of mid-size; top heavy lmao. my facial features are on the softer side, and i've been told i have a youthful face. i tend to dress more fem though i sometimes go more androgynous. my style is kinda all over the place- sometimes [tiktok] twee, sometimes downtown girl, y2k, shoujo girl, etc. i like taking inspiration from a little bit of everything and don't necessarily label my style. overall, i usually gravitate towards more fun but cool looks. i like denim, trim/frilly details, fun prints and patterns, plaids, juxtaposing elements, etc.

as for my interests and hobbies, i enjoy fashion (styling and some designing), music (listening, singing/karaoke, collecting CDs!! i used to play viola and would like to learn guitar), horror (games, analog horror, args, grotesque art?? think like ethel cain, bones and all, etc idk), and DIY (i like to make phone charms and i'd like to get into polymer clay to make hairclips, trinket dishes, etc). i'm into artists like mitski, phoebe bridgers, ethel cain, wisp, big thief, hikaru utada, sheena ringo, tommyfebruary6, artms, yena, etc (i really like music and in my dream world, i'm the vocalist/guitarist in a small band lmaoo). i was a big reader as a kid and have a collection of books at home. not too much of a reader nowadays, but i wanna get back into it eventually. love the rain and storms, and late night drives with friends!!

my personality is kinda on a spectrum. i'm on the more reserved side, but i'm very open to meeting people and i'd like to think i'm friendly. sometimes chill and laidback and sometimes bubbly- especially around friends. i've been told i'm very easily amused, and i'm also a little spacey and jumpy (sigh). kinda a major yapper in writing, but in real life interactions, i'm more the type to listen and nod along to the conversation. though i will yap and am, admittedly, just a tad annoying sometimes. i like teasing people and joking around. i also deal with depression, and have a bad habit of dropping off the face of the earth and bed rotting for days at a time (not good!! i should probably go back into therapy lol). my love language in quality time and (theoretically, if i found someone who would reciprocate) physical touch.

anyways, i hopefully didn't write too much and it's readable ;; thank you <33

I know I’m late and I’m sorry

Your The Last of Us 2 match is…

Dina

Dina would constantly borrow your clothes for her casual-but-edgy looks and gush over how you style yourself

She’d love listening to you sing, especially in moments of downtime—she might even join you for karaoke

Dina would be endlessly entertained by your jumpy reactions to scares and would (playfully) spook you when she could

On days when depression hits hard, she’d bring you little surprises—flowers she found, a new horror movie, or a snack she knows you love

Late-night drives? Dina’s game, blasting music and laughing until your cheeks hurt

She’d support your dream of learning guitar, offering to scavenge strings or help tune it

Dina would always encourage your DIY projects, even if it meant holding up clay hairclips to “model” them

She loves rainy days with you, cuddling under blankets and swapping stories about life before

Dina teases you back just as much but has a soft spot for your thoughtful, quiet moments

Your Arcane match is…

Vi is protective, always throwing her arm around your shoulder when walking together, especially through rough areas

She’s fascinated by your horror interests and would (begrudgingly) sit through analog horror videos, trying not to get freaked out

Vi would often call you “short stuff” just to rile you up, but she secretly loves your height difference

She’d encourage you to belt out your favorite songs during late-night walks through the Undercity

Vi would spar with you playfully, insisting it’s “self-defense training” when it’s really just an excuse to be close

She’d admire your DIY projects, especially when you make her custom trinkets—she keeps them all

On your off days, Vi would climb into bed with you and stay there until you felt better, teasing you into a smile

She loves the juxtaposition of your bubbly, spacey personality with her more grounded energy—she calls it balance

Vi would scavenge vintage finds for you to add to your wardrobe or crafts

#request #matchups #the last of us 2 #tlou #tlou2 #arcane #arcane fandom #dina the last of us #dina x reader #vi x reader #arcane vi

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andivmg · 7 months ago

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give me all the juicy lovey dovey details, i love reading how you think of this man he seems like a real gem - what are your favourite things about him, moments that stood out

(warning: unexpectedly long post ahead)

omg i love this question! i’ll use literally any excuse to talk about him

i think one of my favorite things is that he’s really gentle with me. like the way he speaks to me… his tone is always really soft. i’m a little neurotic and anxious and he’s always really understanding and really good at calming me down. i remember once, we were going to go to dinner or something, i can’t remember exactly. but, i couldn’t find an outfit that i liked and i had a bit of a breakdown about it LOL. (i was just feeling really bloated and insecure that day like i did not feel pretty at all). so i got really frustrated to the point where my eyes were watering and he just held me really softly n was like “let’s just stay in and order something how does that sound?” (or something along those lines) just in the softest tone ever like i don’t think anyone has ever spoken to me like that. we ended up going out anyway after he helped me pick an outfit and hyped me up a little bit and it ended up being a lot of fun. also the way he touches me is also really soft. like when he hugs me it’s like he’s scared i’m gonna break if he does it too tightly. or when he holds my hand, or leads me through a crowd. even when we’re just around friends and family, it’s always very gentle and loving. it’s as if i can feel how much he loves me in the way he speaks to me and in the way he holds me.

i also love how he is around my family. i remember when he met my grandma she ADORED him because he was so polite and helped her reach something she couldn’t (she’s like 4’10 and he’s 6’) my mom also really loves him. when we went to my cousin’s wedding, she got sick and danny was really attentive the entire time, helping her out with whatever she needed. he’ll also just randomly order us food sometimes LOL. like we’ll be chilling at home and he’ll call and ask if we’re hungry and just order us something. also, my dad likes him. my dad doesn’t like anyone. and i mean ANYONE, that isn’t like his friends and a few family members apart from me. i haven’t really asked him how he feels about danny, because our relationship isn’t the kind where we talk about our feelings. but, the other day i took danny to my dad’s office to get a cleaning (my dad’s a dentist) and when we left, my dad pulled him into a hug. mind you, my dad doesn’t even hug most of our family members. the only people he hugs are me and his friends (and even then that’s pushing it). and not only did my dad hug him, he’s the one who initiated it. danny went in for a handshake and my dad just hugged him. i was in shock. but yeah, he’s met a lot of my family members and they all love him. my family is super important to me so this makes me really happy :)

another thing is that he’s really goofy. if you’ve watched any of his videos you probably already know that lmfao but yeah. i’m someone who is pretty serious, at least compared to him. my sense of humor is kinda dry, i get embarrassed really easily, i’m always anxious about something, a little bit of a control freak sometimes etc. i think probably because i was raised to be ladylike and proper. i went to private school and people were a little judgy and like. idk you just weren’t allowed to be goofy and cringe bc you’d just get made fun of and i think that’s just in my subconscious. (it went away a little through the years but some parts are kind of embedded into my brain now) like i went to etiquette school one summer, it was that serious. anyway, he’s the complete opposite in that sense. i don’t think he’s physically capable of feeling public embarrassment. or any embarrassment. like i’ll try to be serious around him and i can’t. he’s too goofy. his lack of shame is too powerful. this happens so often too it’s not even funny. we’ll just be chilling and i’ll get mildly annoyed and he’ll just start making jokes until i can’t contain my laughter. he loves to like. embarrass me in public like he’ll say the wildest shit (out of earshot from people) but it still just makes me go “shut up bro” while laughing. he also loves to annoy me dude. like on purpose. and i mean that in the best way possible like he just likes to get me riled up bc he knows i get embarrassed and annoyed easily and then he just starts making jokes idk how to explain it properly bc it’s so dumb but he always makes me laugh. idk like he’ll just fuck with me and it’s very annoying but in a good way, i love it.

he also just really takes care of me. y’all know about my arthritis, it sucks. sometimes it’s literally crippling. like i can’t move because of how much pain i’m in, crippling. this past week he was here for our anniversary and on two of the days, my arms and hips started hurting really bad. one night, he literally helped me eat, shower, get dressed, everything. because i couldn’t do it myself. and he did it with such care and not a single complaint or anything, just concern and love. i was crying bc of the pain and he just played with my hair until i was able to fall asleep. he also checks up on me and makes sure i’m eating properly. he got me an appointment with a fancy doctor and he’s paying for it and everything just to get second opinions n shit. idk he just really cares about me.

he’s also super supportive. when i decided to go to esthi school he was my number one supporter. he lets me practice on him, he’s even come in to my class as a model so i can work on him. he also just kinda really believes in me. i’ll tell him stupid little dreams i’ve had since i was little and he’s like “i mean i think you’d be amazing at that”. i’ll tell him things i’m insecure about and he has a way of making them feel so silly. like why would i even be insecure about that, that’s so dumb. i think this ties in to his “it’s not that serious” mindset. like he truly believes that anyone can do anything if they put their mind to it. literally why not? i’m not like that, i’m a little bit more cynical but he kind of makes me believe in myself a lot. which is not common for me. i struggle a lot w self doubt and always thinking i’m not good enough, it’s just childhood shit and trauma from past relationships. and this kind of applies to everything, school, work, etc… but, he’s helped me heal that a lot. it’s like in enough for you by olivia rodrigo. the part where she goes “someday i’ll be everything to somebody else, and they’ll think that i am so exciting”. that part. that’s how he makes me feel. he makes me feel like i’m more than enough, like i was stupid for ever thinking otherwise.

also something that i really admire about him is his work ethic. he works so fucking hard all the time and i’m so proud of him every single day. he works seven days a week, for hours. he puts in so much thought and effort into every single one of his videos, it amazes me. watching him work and brainstorming with him feels like a privilege. he’s so fucking smart and talented. i mentioned earlier that i’m a little cynical and stuff but when i look at him, and how far he’s come from where he started, i truly believe he will accomplish more than anything he could ever dream of. it’s not even a doubt in my mind. like i would follow him to the ends of the earth because i know that if he leads me there, nothing but good could come of it.

i think some of my favorite memories with him are our first date, the first time we said i love you, the day he asked me to be his gf, the second time he came to PR to see me, when he took me on a helicopter ride, and our anniversary just the whole day it was so special to me. but honestly, my truly favorite ones are of us just chilling at home, in each other’s company just talking. i think our quiet moments are my favorite.

this ended up being way longer than i originally intended but i just kept on thinking about him and just. ugh. i love him so much i’m disgusted with myself. i promise i’m still cool and awesome i’m just down bad for my man sorry

#andianswers #andi yaps

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autisticempathydaemon · 8 months ago

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your match-up game looks like so much funnn so i'm gonna submit one for myself 💖

dragula by rob zombie …. i only rly discovered it like two weeks ago but it’s one i play a lot while working bc for some reason it helps me focus lol

just took a test and got nine, the peacemaker. idk much abt enneagrams 🫣

hmm yes but only when i’m feeling spicy. and they’re almost always about video games in some regard, like analyses or creepypasta deep dives yk?

i don’t think i ever had a REAL imaginary friend. i remember trying for a little while because i thought it’s what all kids were supposed to do, but i never like. Believed in it

sleep aid audios! lately it’s been redacted (i have a whole folder of faves on my phone lol) but before that it was asmrtists like gibi. sometimes i take melatonin too ‘cause it takes me ages to fall asleep 😪

i changed my name around late 2019 to angel when i was just coming into my nonbinary-ness; i took it from the video game borderlands 2! i went back to my given name in 2021/2022 but being angel was fun for a while <3

milo’s panic attack audio i think. i was just getting into redacted and starting from the top and it just made me feel so cozy and locked him in as a fave :’) OOH also the pack smash tournament!! i love multi-speaker videos and that one was so much fun

vincent ……. i’m so sorry i’ve tried three times to listen to his playlist but he bores me 😭 the farthest i’ve gotten is past adam, though i listened to his involvement in inversion and picked up with him after the summit

do video games count bc if so i can quote resident evil 4 2005 ALLLL DAY LONG it’s my favorite game ever. if not i’m gonna say lilo and stitch ‘cause that’s my biggest comfort movie

HUXLEY. like dgmw i love his non-canon audios & he’d be just the sweetest boyfriend but i want to be his friend so baadlyyy i just need one good huxley hug and i think it would cure me

nooo when i’m sleepy i just get quiet 🫠 i’m not a big talker in general i think

blue raspberry slushie + honey bun OR dr pepper + chili cheese fritos. depends on my mood

recently ummm it’s been a playlist i made called violent devotion, which is basically just yandere-type songs hehe

aw man ok. so i was a big homestuck fan in my teens and i rly loved broadway karkat, & last week i discovered all my faves are on spotify :’) so i made a playlist of them and spent all weekend revisiting my past

HMM okay here’s some rapid fire facts: i’m the eldest of three, i’m a dog person, i’m an introvert, i can be very stubborn (taurus 👋🏻), i tend to prefer video games over tv/movies, and overall personality-wise i relate the most to honey out of all the listeners!

So I consider a lot of factors when I do these, I swear I do. That said- you’re a Honey-kinnie but also a dog person? Who else can I pair you with but Asher?

Your personality types, in addition to your being an eldest child, hint to me that you’re a steadfast, reliable person and therefore an excellent foil to Asher who could use someone like that in his life to ground him. In contrast, I think his extroverted, bubbly nature would bring you out of your shell, endear you to the rest of the pack as the beta’s mate. Also, I think your love of video games and homestuck would really bring y’all together. (Out of all the boys, he’s deffo the most likely to be a homestuck.)

You’d have such a fun, chill life together, because Asher keeps it fun and chill, you know? I think Asher spends a lot of time wolfed out and with his big, dog head on your lap while you play video games. He jumps during the scary games and shifts back during co-ops so he can play with you. He comes home from a gig with either a honey bun or Fritos, because he wasn’t sure what the vibe was today, so he’ll eat whichever one you don’t want. You do 7/11 snack runs and compete to see who has the bluest tongue. It’s a great life.

Song:

Ooh, I'm in love/ It's a mystery/ When I see you out at night/ I start to get dizzy/ Before I see you I pick out some things to say/ Don't want to sound foolish and waste my chance away/ Oh, I'm not gonna make the same mistakes/ I'm not gonna run/ Just pick the boy you like

This song is peak Asher-vibes; do you know what I mean? Like, I think this is the kind of music he’d like, this sort of alternative indie pop rock sound. (Side note, the guitarist’s name is literally Darlin, so that’s a sign right there.) This song in particular is so fun and catchy; I can see Asher singing this at you incessantly no matter how long he’s already been your boyfriend.

Runner-ups:

Milo is a runner-up because you’re a dog person /hj It’s also because I would kill to watch him watch you play RE4 or any other horror game- that would be hilarious. Guy is another runner-up because, behind Asher, he’s the second most likely to have had a homestuck phase.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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clueless1995 · 1 year ago

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woke up from a dream where snoop dog bumped into me in a waiting room (it was After some sort of indoor music festival) and dropped whatever he was carrying and his stuff went everywhere so of course i apologised and helped him pick everything up Not recognising him as snoop dog. and then when i finally stood up and handed him back his stuff i was like Oh. You’re Snoop Dog. Don’t worry i’m not a super fan or anything i’m not gonna freak out but that’s cool (cannot express enough how little i actually know or care about snoop dog, i’m pretty sure i was just dreaming about him because i watched the california gurls music video last night) and he was like. yeah i’m snoop dog. you seem like a nice kid come with me i wanna give you something. and obviously in real life this is red flag central but dream ana was like Okay sure and then we were at a gazebo and my mum was there and she was like ?? a snoop mega fan (she literally doesn’t know who he is irl she exclusively listens to fleetwood mac and she’s so real for that) and so he was just chatting with us about life and whatnot but my mum kept shoehorning Snoop-specific facts into the conversation and it was so embarrassing for Me personally but he didn’t seem to notice (maybe he had forgotten all of it skdjsjs. also im sure none of it is Actually true because once more. i don’t know anything about snoop dog so why would my dream??) but anyway he was like you guys seem cool it’s good to see kids these days be polite like you (i’m a full adult. i’m 24 years old. i’ve got like 15 tattoos and most of them are Pretty Visible most of the time. but i wasn’t gonna correct him) and gave me a bunch of. i don’t really remember what exactly they were but it was the vibe of backstage passes/exclusive festival stuff. for the festival that was already over. but again i wasnt gonna say anything i was just like wow that’s really cool thanks! and he was like yeah no worries. and at this point it was getting dark and i was like it’s been super nice chatting with you snoop dog but we’ve gotta head home. and he was like yeah shit sorry i kept you here chatting for so long here let me give you some money for a cab. and despite my protests he proceeds to open his wallet and starts stacking Australian $2 Coins on the table and ends up on another tangent but keeps count i guess and then is like yeah so thanks for being chill and hanging out here’s $600 and i was like ????? and then his bodyguard/assisstant (who literally didn’t exist before this point in the dream) leaned over and said “he likes to use cash he’s old fashioned like that. just take the money i think he’s trying to get rid of his spare change” and i was like okay cool thanks snoop dog have a great evening. and tried to pick up 300 $2 coins that were just loosely stacked on the picnic table and that’s when i woke up

#don’t ask me how he fit 300 $2 in a normal wallet. or why he was working with aud #sorry i know nobody cares about dream posts but every time i have a celebrity dream it’s a celebrity that i Don’t care about and it always #baffles me #first timmy chalms a couple weeks ago and now snoop dog. who will be next #i had a dream earlier last night about having a baby but i kept losing it but it was also sometimes a puppy. either i had a werewolf child #or im conflating two different dreams #i’ve been sleeping a lot lately #and remembering my dreams more which is weird #i guess because i’m not really doing anything else so my brain has the space?? idk #if you read the whole thing i do think i owe you one of my snoop dog $2 coins

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artistfingers · 3 years ago

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There’s one ~silver lining~ of my iPad being broken: I’ve had loads of time to think about my many half-formed undercover phantom au ideas! Since I have no idea when or what will make it to comic form, here’s the lowdown…. AKA, everything that’s been rattling around my brain recently :P

For context: Danny, Sam and Tucker have never met, and nobody knows Danny is Phantom. When Vlad’s newest bit of tech gets Danny stuck in ghost mode (with the rest of his powers on the fritz to boot), he meets Tucker and Sam��who instantly see through his disguise and lend a helping hand. (Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4!!)

So. After that, Danny—no, Phantom—becomes friends with them. It’s exciting! He was invisible at school even before the ghost powers; he was pretty isolated and lonely and being Phantom for the last year hasn’t exactly been a social boon. Kid’s lonely, ok?

But now… two human friends? Who’re his age & share his interests? It’s like a dream come true! If only they weren’t exclusively friends with his ghost self… and if only they didn’t wanna be so involved in his dangerous ghost hunting things…Uhhh. Hm. Could be a problem.

Danny angsts about the danger he’s putting his new friends in, and about not being able to befriend them as a human. He plays with the idea of telling them Everything but that’s… risky to say the least. He’s only known them a few weeks! ugh….!! it’s too much. maybe he should just throw the towel in.

Buuut Sam & Tucker don’t take no for an answer. Especially after they rescue him a third time.

Thus… Phantom friendship shenanigans!!

Sam filched some parts from the Fentonworks Lab when Phantom took them there, and later convinced Tucker to help her build a custom mini ectogun in case of emergency. They didn’t tell Phantom.

Danny is really sentimental about that DP hat he wore when he first met Sam & Tucker. He wore it as Phantom for a while but it got singed in a fight. He still wears it when he hangs out with Tucker & Sam but otherwise keeps it squirreled away for Sentimental Reasons.

“So Phantom, how old are you?” “I’m 15.” “15 now? Or 15 when you died?” “Yes.”

Tucker has a bunch of awful 90s button up shirts, and gives one to Phantom

They aren’t able to convince Sam to wear one too, but they sure do try.

Phantom won’t tell them when he died, so once he starts wearing 90s shirts they start using terrible 90s slang with him

“I am NOT from the 90s!!! They didn’t even SAY that then!!!” “methinks the lady doth protest too much…..home slice” “NOOO!!!”

“Phantom I have an extremely important question. Like, life or death. SHIT is on the LINE here. Are you listening?? I really need to know…. Do ghosts play video games”

The answer may surprise you (no it won’t)

Sam is completely convinced they can ACTUALLY get a good working guess of when Phantom lived and died based on the fact he liked Nasty Burger when he was alive, since NB’s a regional chain with a not-so-distant past. Tucker meanwhile thinks Phantom probably has a good reason for keeping them at arm’s length—but regardless of method, they can agree: they want to break down Phantom’s walls.

The next arc is less “Undercover Phantom” and more “Undercover Fenton” because the juxtaposition of him having to do hidden identities squared (squared again) is too good for me to pass up. It boils down to this: during a ghost attack at school, Danny finds himself stuck being “protected” by Sam and Tucker.

Sam and Tucker take their new jobs as Phantom’s ghost hunting companions too seriously to let this skinny stranger they just met run TOWARDS the danger. WHY does he keep trying to run TOWARDS the danger

NO YOU CANNOT GO TO THE BATHROOM THE SCHOOL IS ON G H O S T L O C K D O W N

Sam pulls out her ectogun.

Danny: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!

Sam does not tell him.

“Wait, your last name’s Fenton? Like Fentonworks Fenton?” “No, the other Fenton.” “Oh… well, that’s too bad…” “YES LIKE FENTONWORKS FENTON”

Sam is initially wary of Danny because of his parents’ super strong anti-ecto views. Danny is clueless as to why she isn’t very friendly to him-as-a-human when she’s great with him-as-a-ghost. but she warms up after he helps resolve the ghost issue in a way that shows he doesn’t subscribe to his parents’ views.

afterwards you get this excellent situation where Danny is now friends with Sam and Tucker as Phantom and as Fenton, and they’re not connecting the dots as quickly as they did when it was just “that’s Phantom wearing a hoodie and a cap with his own logo on it”.

the potential here? *chefs kiss* here’s a few things but honestly? the possibilities are limitless

Danny pretending to not have a cell phone because he already gave them his number as Phantom

Tucker: *dials Phantom*

Danny, standing directly next to him: *frantically attempting to silence his phone*

Sam & Tucker try to introduce Danny and Phantom. Danny has to make excuses to avoid this happening in both forms.

Danny takes Sam & Tucker down to the Fentonworks Lab to get them some real equipment. Sam & Tucker pretend (very badly) that they’ve never been there before

Rooftop chill sessions as Phantom, late night teenage hijinks as Fenton, plus school AND fighting ghosts does not do any favors for Danny’s sleep deprivation. Tucker introduces him to caffeine pills with… mixed results.

Tucker and Sam teach Phantom some sign language. Later Danny slips up and uses it casually with them as Fenton

…. And many other silly mixups that I’ve yet to think of because I live for that shit

Sam & Tucker have theories about the Fenton-Phantom connection and they’re all wrong but somehow also plausible and that freaks Danny out just a little bit if he ever overhears them

Ultimately, I see this AU having a final arc where a New Situation occurs in which Danny-as-Phantom has to—once again��pretend to be human. This time, he’s with Sam & Tucker as Phantom from the get go, and can’t disappear or transform, even if being Phantom is extremely dangerous at that moment. Somehow this scenario would lead to the Fenton-is-Phantom (or, in this case, Phantom-is-Fenton) reveal…. But the details still escape me :P

so in short………… I really like hidden identities

#danny phantom #danny phantom au #danny fenton #tucker foley #sam manson #undercover phantom au #no one knows au #DP #WHY is this 1000 words long IM SO SORRY #PS if you are reading these tags and you left tags on any of the comics so far with your own ideas for this au THANK YOU I LOVE YOU #PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to add on ideas to this au any way youd like 🙏#it is just a big ol hidden identities sandbox with also lots of teenages hijinks #im hoping to have my ipad fixed by wednesday-ish so more comics........ eventually :"D #in the meantime please enjoy this long text post and maybe some sketchbook things #if i can work up the nerve to post something straight out of the sketchbook lmfao #long post #fic #art writes

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offbrandhange · 4 years ago

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AOT if you were sick | 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

Headcanons on how some of the AOT boys would help/comfort you when sick! :)

Characters: Armin, Connie, Eren, Erwin, Jean, Levi, Niccolo, Reiner,

Gender: Neutral, no references to readers’ gender ! :)

a/n: I haven’t been feeling well lately so badabam badaboom here we go. Also I am trying a new format because I’m pretty sure when I write the bullet points it looks wonky on mobile?...I dunno man :/

𝕬𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓 𝕬𝖗𝖑𝖊𝖗𝖙 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Right off the bat, Armin would ask what your symptoms are. Immediately after telling him he’d rush out to the pharmacy to pick up meds, and probably some comfort food, too.

How does he comfort you?

Armin would comfort you by bringing you things you need like medicine, wet towels, clean clothes, food, etc. Constantly, and I mean constantly asking if you want anything.

He probably would also set up a little sick-station in the living room with a blanket, pillow, cup of water, wet towel, bowl of soup, etc. and put on a TV show you like and just...chill while you watch or nap (if you fall asleep midway through).

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Only if you were super sick. He would 1000% be worried about you while at work, though. You’d get “How are you doing” messages every hour, and he’d totally end up annoying the sh*t out of his co-workers for constantly talking about you being ill. Armin would probably also pick up a little snack/gift for you on his way home.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Most likely not. Armin would be scared he’d get sick too, and then you’d have to take care of him. If you begged him for a quick kiss, or you really whined for some cuddles, then maybe he’ll indulge.

𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊 𝕾𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

“Dang bro, that sucks.” And that’s all he says.

How does he comfort you?

I think if you asked him for something, he’d get you it willingly and eagerly, but otherwise he’s clueless; He assumes you’re good if you don’t say anything.

Connie would comfort you by hanging out with you. Most likely, he’d sit you down on the couch and play video games with you, like Mario Kart; or he’d show you him killing a really hard boss. I think he’d also send you funny videos/tiktoks, and I mean like, the really dumb ones, where it’s like...a fart sound effect over an image of a truck. Or a, “Can I touch that badonkadonk fool?”

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Yup, especially if you asked. I feel like Connie would take any chance he could to take off work, and you being sick would be his opening. He wouldn’t leave you alone all day, either; You’re stuck with him.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Connie does not care if you’re sick. You’re gonna get the same amount of treatment, maybe more if you whine and snuggle into his chest. He thinks you’re even more cute when you’re sick.

𝕰𝖗𝖊𝖓 𝕵𝖆𝖊𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Eren would say something like, “Oh. Are you alright?” If you said no, he’d make you a snack or ask if you want anything. Afterwards he would chill with you and probably cuddle or snuggle you. I doubt he would really worry, he’d be real calm about it.

How does he comfort you?

He’d bring you something if you needed it. The only time I could see him getting fussy about it though, is if you interrupted him while he was totally invested in a video game or on a work call.

Most definitely snuggles with you in bed. Probably would do something to tease you too, kissing down your neck and saying “Are you better yet? How about now? Are you better yet?” I can see Eren being totally down for an afternoon nap together anytime you wanted.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

He would ask you if you wanted/needed him to. If you said yes he would, even if you weren’t really sick. Likewise, if you said you’re fine, but were far from fine, he’d call BS and stay home too; if you kept saying he didn’t need to, it’s very likely his stubborn a*s would argue with you and take off anyways.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Definitely. Eren would still, probably even more than usual, baby the ever-loving sh*t out of you. There’s no escaping his cuddles, kisses, or more...sexual activities.

𝕰𝖗𝖜𝖎𝖓 𝕾𝖒𝖎𝖙𝖍 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Erwin, like Armin, would ask what’s wrong right away. Except he would completely annoy you by asking a million f*cking questions about your symptoms. He’d probably google them too and list a ton of possibilities that are so far-fetched. He’d end up scaring HIMSELF and forcing you to go to the doctor.

How does he comfort you?

Up your A**. Every five seconds he would be like, “Need something? You’re sure? You’re sure you’re sure? I know I was here five minutes ago, yeah, but I’m just making sure. So you’re sure?”

Pets your head, ruffles your hair. Goes out to pick up medicine, snacks, maybe even flowers. Probably tries to brush your teeth for you. You know, Erwin things.

Would they take/call off work for you?

Y E S. Yes. This man would call off the whole WEEK. He wouldn’t leave you alone, either. The whole damn day he’d be breathing down your NECK. Even if the only discomfort you felt was a scratchy throat. He’d make you call off work too.

Are they still physically affectionate?

I feel like Erwin is on the verge of being either, “Yes, princess, let me hold you.” or, “Oh no, no, no, we can’t be having that. Oh no, no, no. No passing illnesses, sweetie.” If the second were true, the only way to get him off your back would be by threatening to hug him while snot was dripping down your nose. This grown ass man would probably be screaming like a (very deep-voiced) little girl and running for dear life.

𝕵𝖊𝖆𝖓 𝕶𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖎𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Jean would be so FREAKING sweet, and nobody can tell me otherwise. He’d say something like, “Awe, baby. Are you okay? Want anything?” He genuinely cares; although, immediately afterward he did anything nice or caring for you, he’d text all his dude friends and be like “yo man I’m SUCH a good boyfriend.” and brag his a*s off.

How does he comfort you?

He’d ask every once in a while if you needed anything, and he’d randomly bring you stuff like soup or a fresh cup of water. He’d probably feed you it, too.

Depending on what you wanted, Jean would either leave you alone or smother you to death. If you wanted him to leave you alone he’d check in on you every so often, and if you wanted him to smother you, he’d literally follow you all around the house. I’m talking like, cuddling or napping on the couch/bed, or straight up just following you around like an overly-attached child. His arms would be around your waist, chin on your head, and he’d waddle behind you like a d*mn penguin. And that includes trips to the bathroom. He’d probably sit outside the bathroom and wait for you, though.

Would they take/call off work for you?

If you wanted him to, were really sick, or if you were incredibly pitiful and acting like you were on your deathbed. Otherwise, I think he’d still go to work. He would bring home snacks and flowers afterwards though.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Oh my god, Jean would still be all over you. Like, there wouldn’t be a moment you’d be free from his hold. He’d probably still want to have sex with you, too as long as you were feeling well enough for it...The only exception would be if you got too over-heated or over-whelmed, then he’d very sadly hold back. Like a scolded pup, he’d just sit there...watching you...wishing you were in his arms.

𝕷𝖊𝖛𝖎 𝕬𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

You would tell him you’re not feeling well, and the first thing this man’d say would be, “What is it? You have the sh*ts? Something not coming out?” He’d get you what you needed immediately after you told him what was really wrong, though; but he’d also, very discreetly slip you a box of anti-diarrheals, too, just in case.

How does he comfort you?

Every once in a while he will ask if you need something. He’s not too over-bearing nor distant. Although, he’s probably constantly slipping you hand-sanitzers, and cleaning your room, or anything you’ve touched. It’s for your, and his sake. Oh, and he’s not handing you anything, either; he’s throwing it at you to catch. Or slipping his hand through the door with a bowl of soup/cup of water, and placing it on the floor/nearest surface. Kind of like when a cat pushes their paw through a crack, then disappears, and you’re like, “oh, would you look at that.”

I don’t think Levi would really want to be too close since he’s kind of a clean-freak, so he’d comfort you through, maybe, sending you low-quality cat memes he found on the web. Or he’d put on one of those full-on, ugly, yellow hazard suits and hold your hand while watching a reality-TV show like The Bachelorette meanwhile mocking them to oblivion. You’re legally required to laugh at the comments he makes about the people on the show; he’s doing it to be funny. He’s just awkward.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

If you were pitiful, or not that sick, no. If you were genuinely pretty sick, then he’d call off work. He wouldn’t bug you, he’d just...stand in the corner and watch you. Just...he’d be there. Also still in his hazard suit. With his arms crossed.

Are they still physically affectionate?

No. Absolutely not. Not unless you’re talking about him and the cleaning supplies. I think if you tried to go anywhere near him, he’d get really mad and threaten you with a spray-bottle filled with water.

I think he would be upset, though. Like, I could see him having a calendar and just...sadly, squeakily dragging that marker down to form an X over the day to see how long you were sick, waiting ‘till you were better so he could hug you again.

𝕹𝖎𝖈𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖔 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

In a worried, but also kind of loving-scolding way, he’d say something like, “Geez, how’d this happen?” Immediately after he’d make you some homemade soup with fresh ingredients. Only after he would give you your medicine, because it needs a, “full stomach to work.”

Additionally, if he makes you food, don’t tell him if you can’t taste it. Please, god, don’t. He’ll feel like he did all that work for nothing then get annoyed.

How does he comfort you?

Constantly bringing you food or desserts. When he asks if you need anything, his mind jumps to a food or drink instead of medicine or a wet towel, because that’s just his strong-suit.

I feel like he would hang out with you and let you lay your head on his chest while you watched TV together. I picture him saying something like, “Hey babe, let’s watch Hell’s Kitchen.” Or, alternatively, “Hey babe, let’s watch Kitchen Nightmares.” Don’t watch Kitchen Nightmares with him. Those unclean kitchens will make HIM vomit, too.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Niccolo probably wouldn’t call off, but he would make you a whole bunch of yummy meals for you to eat the next day. He’d probably leave you a cute little note too, like a “Feel better, love you! :-D” with hearts all over it.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Depends on what kind of sickness you had. I think if you lost your taste he’d draw the line, simply because he needs to be able to taste the food he makes. Also, it frustrates the sh*t out of him when he loses his taste. Otherwise, I think he’d be down to cuddle, and very limitedly, kiss.

𝕽𝖊𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖗 𝕭𝖗𝖆𝖚𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Gets VERY concerned. Wants to take you to the doctor, even if it’s a light illness, because he wants to make sure it’s nothing bad. He wouldn’t leave you alone after you tell him you’re sick, either. Constantly by your side.

How does he comfort you?

You wouldn’t need to ask for anything, because he already has everything for you. You’re surrounded in snacks, bottles of water, blankets, pillows, wet towels, medicine, literally anything you need, it’s already there. He’ll even offer to carry you to the bathroom, just so you don’t have to move.

Reiner would probably cuddle with you and put on a romance, family, or Disney movie. If it’s extra emotional, it’s gonna make him extra emotional. He will be squeezing you for dear life and just saying stuff like, “Boy, I don’t know what I’d do without you...”

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Yes, even if all you had was the sniffles, Reiner would have already called off, and make you call off too. He just thinks that’s what you should do if a loved one is sick. If he left you alone, he’d get worried you’d end up falling or unable to get something you need. He wants to be there for you.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Reiner would, but in a much more sweet way. He’s genuinely really worried for you, and doesn’t like seeing you sick. So be prepared for him to constantly be holding you with your head on his chest, and him peppering kisses all over your face.

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yakumtsaki · 3 years ago

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With the help of the voodoo doll, which has easily become my fav object in the entire game, we conquer shaved-ponytail-geezer’s heart! Well not really, but he got an insta crush! I still can’t fathom that Mr. Big was on the lot and Cyn legit did the vomiting animation @ him and went for this guy instead. At the same time, I can absolutely fathom it.

This poor maitre d’ lady has been watching us romance geriatrics in her place of employment since Culturally Appropriating Drama Prof, maitre d’ lady sweetie, I’m so sorry.

-Don’t be, business among the lucrative grey demo is booming!

Well look at Cyn giving back to the community! Keeping the elderly company, supporting local commerce, what a charitable queen.

We return home, where Sophie has clearly taken my advice to chill on the pet training while pregnant to heart, literally all her wants are about pets learning commands.

-And this, D’vorah, is how you play dead!

Soph please get some goddamn rest before this training becomes too realistic for comfort.

Valentina grows up! She is so cute and chonk, looks just like Abbey with Maxx’s coloring AND she’s a genius <3 Aw Val, I’m sure based on your adorable appearance and cute name you’re gonna be the best doggie ever! (*ominous music*)

-Ok sweetheart, you’ve been an adult for almost 36 seconds now, time to get a job and learn your first command! We’re gonna learn how to ‘shake’!

-Oh, I’ll learn how to ‘shake’ alright.. I’ll shake you losers like you’ve never been shaken!!!

-What a good girl :)

Sophie passed out in front of a cat painting.. if that isn’t a suitable summary of her life I don’t know what is.

Real talk, during this pregnancy Shajar has been A COMPLETE FLOP. Soph has had a pretty rough go of it and Shajar barely interacts with her? To the point where she gave Soph one measly hug and I legit took a pic of it?? For comparison Don -for all his general uselessness AND getting cheated on- is always following Cyn around and serenading her in the hallways and crap.

It feels like Shajar locked this down via the sneaky impregnation bs and thinks she doesn’t have to put in time anymore, clearly those socio Jojo genes are finally making an appearance. Now I don’t mean to play favorites, but Shaj, if you fuck this marriage up and she dumps you, you’re out the door and she’s staying at the house, even your parents like her better:

-So he’s going on and on about how if he gets a chin implant he’ll be a perfect 10 and I tell him, ‘Worthington, you fucking WASP inbred, why waste all that money when a train could run over your face for free? That’d still improve that mug of yours!’ hahaha!

-HAHAHAHA oh Sophie, how delightfully cruel you are!

-Mon Dieu, Francés sùcks, hùhù!!

-What’s so funny? >:| -Oh, we’re just shittalking Frances and Ti-Ning, Shaj, come join! -I like Frances and Ti-Ning >:| -UGH, of course you do. Pay her no mind, Sophie, she’s always been a buzzkill. Literally, she killed my buzz the minute she was born and didn’t stop for 17 years.

Ok things are definitely starting to clear up around here re: Shajar’s recent attitude, and I guess it’s semi-understandable but I only have one thing to say to you, Shaj: get over it.

So our butler was glitching so we got a new one that a) is glitching even more b) is an elder whom Cyn is lusting over. So not only is this guy’s icon glitched as pictured above-

-but he also completely changes his face template when he’s in his swimwear to use our hot tub while on the clock (money well spent). His regular face is the male Kaylyn Langerak one, chameleon king!

You might be wondering why I’m dedicating this much time to introducing the glitched butler, and it’s because this guy ended up glitching so hard he made the entire lot unusable, and I freaked the fuck out fixing it and missed several pics, but more on that disaster when it happens. For now I was all like ‘harhar look at the butler changing faces so he can not do his job undetected’, how sweet and naive of me. But for real if you have a glitchy butler get the fuck rid of him asap.

A mixed day for Sophie’s LTW as Maxx manages to get fired 2 days before retirement, iconic-

-but D’vorah tops her career and earns 10k! Good job, baby!

-Ya no shit, you dumb motherfucker.

I see we caught you in a great mood as always, moving on.

It’s a regular day as Mad Scientist Jojo is debasing himself fixing Cyneswith’s pink computer..

..and Cyn goes to play video games with iVan.. when suddenly..

..JACK DO RUNS IN AGAIN, OF COURSE UNINVITED. BRO WHAT THE FUUUUUCK I CAN’T WITH THIS PSYCHO. WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW???

-I’M HERE TO CLAIM WHAT’S MINE.

WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

B R O R R O R B

WHAT. A. FREAK

I feel you guys are gonna think I’m making this shit up, I swear I’m not, this is all he did, ran in and kissed Cyn. Jack Do aka a) had two lame dates with her in uni b) accidentally broke her and Don up c) currently furious with her for ‘cheating’ on him with Malcolm d) wasn’t even in love with her to begin with literally RAN IN OUT OF NOWHERE AND KISSED HER. CYN WTF DO YOU DO TO THESE GUYS

I’M. THEY WEREN’T EVEN BEST FRIENDS AND THEY GOT INSTA-LOVE FROM THIS??? Literally I had completely given up on Jack Do after the Malcolm incident, I thought him running into our house last time was some weird hilar glitch, but clearly I was wrong af. He’s such a perfect Union spouse, why does he have to be face 1??? Honestly I might just break my holy rule for him.

We have time for one more lover before we’re drowning in screaming infants, so we invite ProbablyJeff over to seal the deal, but he’s playing hard to get and won’t get a crush on Cyn. PJ, bro, no offense but have you seen yourself? Get a grip.

-Nothing Sugar won’t fix, huhu!💗

Who’s Sugar?

-It’s what I named the voodoo doll, silly, huhu!🌸

There we go, that’s better..

..that’s the stuff! God, PJ is fug, why does Cyn either like them old or ugly or both??

Valentina’s charming personality is starting to reveal itself.

-YOU DIE TONIGHT, PROBABLYJEFF, AND BY THE TIME I’M DONE WITH YOU YOU’LL WISH YOU’VE NEVER BEEN BORN

-WHAT DID I DO??

-I’M A JACK DO STAN AND YOU’RE STANDING IN THE WAY OF TRUE LOVE

The butler departs in his swimwear in the snow, I LOVE how that didn’t tip me off that he’s glitched and I should get rid of him, sharp as a fucking cue ball.

-Sophie and Cyneswith, I’ve called you both here even though you’re about to pop a kid any second now, to deliver a long-winded, suspenseful speech about who will inherit my vast fortune once I leave this earthly realm.

-How long-winded, daddy?💗

-Those kids will have died of old age by the time I’m done. Let us begin; I was born in poverty to imbecile parents 63 years ago-

-Sorry, Jojo, this is truly riveting, I just have to take a quick shower and then I can give you my undivided attention! I’ll be right back!

-And I have to go make out with ProbablyJeff and I don’t have any undivided attention to give you, bye daddy!🌸

OMG IT’S HAPPENING. IT’S HAPPENING IN A TINY BATHROOM, CLASSIC TS2. WHERE TF IS SHAJAR, USELESS. STAY STRONG SOPHIE, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

-FUCK YA I CAN! Ok, get out of there you little bastard, come on!

It’s a boy, and he has freckles and KOMEI’S BLUE EYES OMGGGGGGG. BRO ok I legit got kinda emo over this, from Komei’s kids Gunther and Daniel got his blue eyes and Jojo got Vic’s green! So Sophjar bebe inherited those straight from Komei! <3

-Ya ya, the passage of time, life and death, whatever. Now you do remember our deal?

Ok Sophie, I’ve thought about it, and while I can’t in good conscience name the kid Sophie Junior..

-YOU FUCKING WHAT.

..it’s just a lot of pressure for a poor infant to carry your iconic name!

-True, how could he ever live up to that..

He couldn’t! But I came up with the following compromise: we will name him Fernando and add Sophito as a middle name in your honor.

-Alright, so his name is Sophito!

No, it’s Fernando.

-Wanna bet?

Meanwhile Cyn is out in the snow, still trying to get ProbablyJeff to fall in love with her so we can ignore him forever..

-My cuck senses are tingling.

Goddammit Don, go back to bed!

Nevermind, wake up, Don, it’s time!!!

PJ: Wow, finally I see the famous Night Snow Wild Parrot in the flesh! The guys will never believe this.

It’s another boy! He has Don’s exact coloring, let’s hope that’s where the similarities end.

-Aww, I will name you after the most important thing in my life!🌸

You have important things in your life?

-Of course I do! Sugar, my voodoo doll!💗

You’re gonna name your baby.. after a voodoo doll..

-I don’t see why not!🌸

Alright then! Welcome to the world, Sophito and Sugar!

JACK DO ARE YOU STILL HERE. DID YOU JUST SHOW UP. WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM. I CAN’T WITH THIS GUY

So I check inside and see that Sophie has dumped Sophito on the kitchen floor and I’m like oh great, the proud Union tradition continues-

-but it turns out she only did that because she rushed outside to rescue Sugar from certain death since Cyn had dumped him UNDER 2 FEET OF SNOW AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PIC WHERE I’M HOVERING OVER HIM. I LITERALLY HAD TO GO INTO BUILD MODE JUST TO FIND OUT WHERE HE WAS SINCE BABIES AREN’T SELECTABLE. BRO.

-It’s ok little brat, I won’t let you die!

SOPHIE <333333333 More like Sophtie huhu! I wasn’t kidding about the parenting this generation, we’ve really outdone ourselves.

-Ah, motherhood sure is great! I’m a hot young mom now and when I’m older I’ll be a MILF! People are so right, life really doesn’t begin until you have a baby💗

The arrival of generation 4 perfectly coincides with our day-old robot running amok and breaking down, so the omens around here truly can’t get any better.

-Oh ya, enjoy your new fucking family! The family I’ll never have because you KILLED ME

Sandy Fairchild no offense but we literally just almost killed our newborn, like we’re gonna give a crap about you.

#gen 3 #ts2

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drpepperhateblog · 2 years ago

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Some thoughts on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Positives

The songs are great. Many of them manage to describe so many awkward everyday situations that no one has ever dared to acknowledge.

Nathaniel and OG Greg were my favorite characters throughout and the only reason I could bring myself to keep watching. Trent was also hilarious. Valencia, while not consistent in some episodes, also got to favorite character level at times.

Seriously, Nathaniel. I felt uncomfortable by how much I could relate to him. I’m not sure if that has ever occurred to me before.

Okay, this is a Nathaniel thought thread now I suppose, but his parallells with Rebecca are also so interesting. The things that weird him out about her are things that weird him out about himself. But Rebecca lets her freak flag fly while he puts on a suit, plays with a stress ball and holds it all in. Also, I wanted more of Nathaniel at the zoo chilling with the monkeys.

Trent was fascinating because he was a mirror to Rebecca but 1 season back. So if we had gotten a season 5 then I guess that would be when Trent gets his diagnosis (let’s be real, he probably has BPD too). His songs mirroring hers was fun (Season 2 intro one especially) and offered a lot of perspective as well. It’s easy for the viewer to empathize with what Rebecca does, because she’s a woman. It’s less easy and even discomforting to try to do the same with Trent. Fascinating.

I love the major part parenting plays into the show. How someone with demanding, ambitious parents ends up fearful and anxious (Rebecca), someone with emotionally distant parents ends up unable to connect with other people (Nathaniel), someone with understanding and overly kind parents ends up directionless and lazy (Heather). Interesting.

Beautiful exploration of feminism and double standards. “Put Yourself First” especially encapsulates this, but honorable mentions to “Let’s Generalize About Men” and the Season 2 and 3 intro songs.

Negatives

Josh Chan is a painfully boring character. I almost quit the show, several times, because he showed up on screen and I instantly wanted to do other things. I was told to “just do something else while watching”... what is the point of watching a show if not to overanalyze everything? Why should I watch a show without actually watching it?

So much filler in Season 1. So much filler.

Valencia’s bisexuality had zero foreshadowing. Her girlfriend isn’t even properly introduced to us and just ends up being someone who does the same thing Valencia does.Rebecca on the other hand has plenty of things suggesting she is bisexual and it’s really odd that she ends up being straight?

The show doesn’t seem able to decide if the musical numbers are Rebecca’s fantasies or reality. This especially shows in everything about Valencia’s character. “I’m So Good At Yoga” definitely looks like Rebecca’s fantasy. Then you have musical numbers such as “Women Gotta Stick Together” and “This Is My Movement” where Rebecca isn’t in the room and sometimes has no idea of what’s happening, so it’s not possible for it to be her fantasy.

On the other point of straight up impossible, when Rebecca flies to New York and the Dream Ghost takes her home and shows her Greg does care about her - that does not work logistically, in any way. That makes no sense.

Some of the songs “pay homage” to other songs but it ends up looking more like plagiarism than parody in some parts. I don’t know if she show knew what it wanted to do.

The musical bits sometimes have nothing to do with the actual episode. Sure, the song is still great, but what is the purpose? Some of it feels like Rachel Bloom stuck it in because she wanted to do another music video for YouTube. I understand (and I probably would’ve done the same in her position let’s be real, Heavy Boobs is hilarious even if like.. not relevant at all to what’s going on in the episode), but if you’re going to make a musical then make the music more relevant rather than make a 2+ minute song of something that doesn’t actually matter. Same with Fuckton of Cats - the cats became irrelevant within seconds after the song ended.

I also reacted to this during Getting Bi, which has excellent lyrics very relatable to the bisexual experience, but a lot of what is referenced in the song references bisexual struggles that we have not actually seen Darryl go through. It borderline breaks the 4th wall.

Skylar Astin was good but he’s not Greg.

Other observations

Rachel Bloom and Rebecca Bunch sharing initials, zodiac sign, and religion is probably not a coincidence.

To enter mild conspiracy theory territory... Her husband’s name is Dan Gregor...

Gets even more curious when you consider that they didn’t actually plan for Greg to leave in Season 2 but were forced to write him out because Santino Fontana left.

Overall enjoyed the show despite some glaring writing flaws. Second half of Season 2 and first half of Season 3 is the peak.

#crazy ex-girlfriend #cxg #crazy ex girlfriend #rachel bloom #rebecca bunch #darryl whitefeather #nathaniel plimpton

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lucy90712 · 3 years ago

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shopping (pregnancy series)

Series masterlist George:

Since family have known about the pregnancy they have been buying things for us so we have a small amount of clothes for the baby but not really that much and with time moving so quickly George and I are going out today to try and get as much as we can.

We headed to the nearest shopping mall where there was a bunch of baby shops for us to look through. There was so much stuff to look at and an endless amount of cute clothes which of course we had to buy a lot of. I thought I was going to be the one obsessed with all the clothes and just how tiny they were but George was freaking out when holding up all of clothes against his chest.

The next thing we looked for was bigger items like car seats and push chairs which is a minefield in itself. There was a really nice worker there to help us out and tell us all we needed to know about the best brands and how to use each one which made it much easier for us to choose. We picked the ones that worked best for us even if they weren't necessarily the best one out there we found them easiest to use and thats all that matters.

By the time we had left we had spent quite a lot of money but thats what comes with having a baby I guess and its only going to get worse when she just keeps growing and we have to buy all new clothes.

Dream:

Today me and Clay had nothing to do and were bored just sat down so we decided to go to target to look at all the baby clothes because that's something we can just do for fun now which is just the best thing ever. Clay has been super excited about buying baby clothes because he loves just looking at the ones we have and thinking about the fact that our baby will be in those in just a few short months.

At target they had a pretty good selection of clothes and they were all so cute, our original plan was just to look at the baby clothes but we couldn't resist buying a few things and some shoes for when she gets older because they were too small and adorable not to. We have a pretty good selection of clothes at home but we have been told that you need way more than you think because they grow so quick and in general babies are messy so you have to change them quite a lot.

It really freaked me out when Clay put a new born onesie up against my bump comparing how big the baby will roughly be to the size of my stomach and although I'm only halfway through its kind of weird to think that something that size will be inside of me and then have to come out. Surely thats going to hurt so bad, I don't think I'm going to cope giving birth but its too late now.

Sapnap:

I was chilling on the sofa eating a snack because I was hungry when the doorbell rang so I got up to answer it for what felt like the millionth time in the past week. The package was left outside for me so I picked it up and went to the kitchen to open it because it was addressed to me and Sapnap. Inside the package was more baby clothes that bad had sent us which was sweet of him.

A lot of our friends have sent us things for the baby to the point that we have so many clothes for our baby that I'm dreading having to wash them all before he can wear them. It is nice to have all these things though and our friends have been so nice to even think about sending them. Me and Sapnap have got some things ourselves obviously but honestly a lot of it has come from friends and family.

Sapnap came downstairs to see what was delivered and we looked at all of the cute clothes together. He sent a text to bad to thank him for the things he sent then he dragged me to his pc where he already had web pages of baby clothes up. We looked at the clothes together and brought some of them as well as other necessary things like blankets which will end up as more parcels that I have to collect, I should probably just sit outside all day waiting because it will save time getting up and down.

Quackity:

Me and Alex have been pretty proficient at getting a lot of the things we will need but the only things we don't have is a car seat and stroller which we plan to go out and get today. We went to a store that was recommended to us by family and friends and they had so many different things to choose from so we are going to be here for a while.

We worked together to try and work out how the things worked and how you take down the stroller which we both had attempts at to make sure we could both do it. Some strollers were just too complicated for us and not easy to put up which was just not going to work if your holding a baby.

The fact that half of the strollers and car seats were too complicated to work ruled out a lot of options and it may seem kind of stupid when together we could use them but there will be times when one of us has to take her out and it would be way too annoying to deal with. We got a car seat and stroller that we found easy to use and were rated highly by other parents which is just what we needed.

Karl:

We are spending the day with Chris and going baby shopping today we were going to go alone but Chris insisted on joining us to help with telling us exactly what we need. I already had some idea of what was needed from reading a few books and watching some videos but it would be nice to have someone with experience there to make doubly sure that we don't go too overboard.

He showed us a bunch of stuff that we will need and we decided on a car seat but they didn't have the stroller we liked so we decided to order it when we got home. Chris also told us not to buy too many newborn clothes because they quickly grow out of them and its nice for them to have things to grow into so we mostly got 3-6 months because thats what he suggested.

I really enjoyed looking at all the baby stuff because it was all so cute and tiny but also big when you think about having to give birth to something that size but I'm trying to ignore that part at least for now. Chris also offered to give us some of Tucker's old clothes that he does fit into anymore to help out which was nice of him.

Wilbur:

Me and Wilbur have a few things that people have gifted us and a few things we ordered but tonight we are going on a buying spree to get as much as we can online. We would go in person but being in Brighton means that Wilbur gets recognised a lot and we haven't announced things to the fans yet and don't want it to be leaked so we just aren't risking it.

We both had our laptops out and were looking at clothes and other things which we showed each other before buying them. It's not quite as nice as getting to see baby clothes in real life but its still fun to get them in the mail because I often forget what we actually ordered. We managed to find a bunch of things as well as important things like a stroller and car seat which we were recommended good ones from friends that have kids so we trusted them.

Turns out shopping for baby clothes online is much less stressful that in real life because its easy to find cute things and in the sizes we want and its delivered right to our door. So much more convenient.

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ironhusband · 4 years ago

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Read on AO3

Honestly, Bucky had expected that dating Sam would be easier than this.

With everything that he and Sam had gone through to finally get together, he had wanted everything to be smooth sailing once he finally had Sam. Their perfect happy ending, cut straight from the movies and into their lives. They deserved it.

That wasn’t real life, however.

When Bucky finally had Sam in his arms, there were a myriad of relationship things that Bucky had to learn. He had to get used to all of Sam's quirks and he had the entirety of Sam’s family to win over. He had to learn the way to this obscure place where Sam liked to buy his orange juice and he had to study for days to remember that Sam’s aunt liked orange jewelry. But if Bucky was honest? He didn’t mind that part. He didn’t mind getting to know what Sam was like in a relationship or meeting Sam’s family. That would never be a hardship for him.

What he did mind was that stupid fucking drone.

It all started with Sam and Bucky making out on the couch. This wasn’t unusual in itself; sometimes the news was boring and Sam and Bucky got distracted. Sucking on Sam’s tongue was more interesting than anything else, frankly.

Sam was pressed against the couch by Bucky’s hips, his hands wandering under Bucky’s shirt as Bucky took Sam’s lips between his teeth. Sam removed his hand from Bucky's shirt to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair, causing Bucky to pinch Sam’s waist. Bucky was coming up to change the angle of the kiss and-

When he looked up the drone was staring directly at them.

It took a long time for Bucky to recognize that their home was safe and not, as a reflex, shoot at any sort of intimidating sight and sound. Still, he startled and yelled, “why the fuck is your pet staring at us?!”

Sam looked back at what made Bucky exclaim and smiled at Redwing. “Oh, hi, there, little guy,” he cooed, “enjoying the show?”

“Sam,” Bucky hissed, annoyed at his boyfriend’s reaction, glancing back and forth between the drone and Sam, “he is staring at us."

Sam shrugged, wrapping his arms around Bucky's shoulders, "so?"

Bucky spluttered, exasperated, "He is recording us. How can you be so calm about this? What if he puts this on the internet?”

“He won’t put this on the internet,” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Why not?” Bucky challenged, knowing the real reason. Sam was still insisting it was Redwing who put the footage of him falling through the tree on the internet, and he was determined to make him confess it was his doing (that video got 1000000 likes!).

“Well, first of all,” Sam explained, straightening up, smug grin on, “because no one wants to see you kissing.”

“You want to see me kissing,” Bucky countered.

“My one flaw,” Sam teased, “and two, his camera isn’t on. He just likes flying around sometimes.”

Bucky glanced at the drone, whose cold, robot eyes, peeking just beneath the shell on the drone, stared back at him. “Can’t you make him stop?”

“I wasn’t listening when Stark did the seminar about the AI inside him. Lost the manual too.”

Bucky looked at the drone again, and then quickly turned away while he muttered, “there must be a deactivation code.”

“I sorta don’t want to find it,” Sam confessed, “I like his quirks.”

“But he isn’t supposed to be flying around with his camera off. It isn’t what he was made for.”

“He’s sleepwalking,” Sam said, fondly.

“He’s creepy.”

Sam gasped, “how dare you say that?!”

“Robots shouldn’t sleepwalk!”

“Redwing isn’t a robot! He’s a drone!”

“Same difference!”

“It is so not same difference. Besides, Redwing is better than just a normal robot, he is-”

He and Sam bickered for the rest of the evening and Bucky forgot all about the drone when they moved into the bedroom. But it began like this.

~~~

Bucky woke up to get milk the next morning. Sam usually got up earlier than Bucky, waking to go run. He would accidentally wake Bucky up by kissing his cheek before he went out (running reminded Sam of Steve and sometimes he needed a little reassurance), and then Bucky would burrow into the blankets for half an hour before getting up to eat cereal. Bucky liked the early hours of the day when he had the house to himself and could wake up properly before Sam would get home. Before they moved in together, Bucky had made the mistake of getting up after Sam had already returned from his run, and he didn’t have the brainpower to retort when Sam called him a heathen for pouring his milk before his cereal.

When he got up this morning, the drone was there, staring at him.

Bucky was mid-yawn when he yelped at the flying thing in front of his face.

“Holy fucking shit, man, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” he exclaimed at the drone, clutching at his chest.

“That’s not good,” the imaginary Sam in his head said, looking, amused, at Bucky’s clutching-his-pearls position, “you need to watch your heart at your age.”

The drone didn’t say anything. Bucky rolled his eyes. “What are you looking at?” he challenged.

The drone still didn’t say anything.

Bucky moved cautiously, one leg in front of the other while he watched the drone, “I’m just getting breakfast.”

The drone turned his head towards him with his every moment. The whirring, easier to hear in the quiet morning, gave Bucky chills.

He glanced once at the drone and then once at the refrigerator before deciding to ignore the robot. Even if it was creepy that his camera wasn't on but he could still follow him, what would he do? Shoot him? Sam disarmed the drone every time he was off duty. So Bucky opened the fridge and got out his milk, blocking the drone from his view with the door.

Sam hated it when he did it, but he unscrewed the milk and drank some of it (”we exchange spit regularly, I don’t see the big deal.” “You put it so romantically~”). Cold milk always helped Bucky wake up and he “ahh”ed when he stopped feeling the thirst he always felt when he was just waking up.

He shut the door of the refrigerator, and apparently, Redwing has gotten twenty steps closer.

He screamed at the drone near his face and threw the cap at him.

~~~

Turns out, Redwing’s camera was on and Sam laughed for 20 minutes at the footage.

~~~

The next time it happened, Bucky was coming home from one of his therapy appointments. The BARF sessions were always a pain in the ass (reliving his past wasn’t remotely fun) but Bucky knew he sometimes had to go to them to make sure he wouldn’t go all Winter Soldier again. Anything to keep Sam safe.

Bucky liked to come home and cuddle with his boyfriend (who usually also had an exhausting day of being Captain America) when he got home, but today was different.

A purring Redwing was found in Sam’s lap when he went into the living room.

“Hey!” Sam greeted, seeing unable to give him a welcoming kiss due to the robot in his lap, “how did it go?”

“The usual,” Bucky replied casually. He eyed the drone, “does he usually... do that?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, “he noticed I was bummed so he came to cheer me up. Isn’t that right, Red?”

Sam pet Redwing’s red-paint-coated shell and the robot buzzed happily.

“Weird...” Bucky mumbled under his breath and then flopped next to Sam, “why were you bummed?”

“I fucking hate the UN,” Sam announced, “excuse me for not wanting to end up at jail for accidentally scratching some rich dude’s car.”

Bucky kissed Sam’s cheek, “I’m sorry you had a bad day.”

“’ Is okay. We’ll settle it all eventually. Just wish that I didn’t have to do it.”

“No, you don’t,” Bucky pointed out, knowing how much his boyfriend loved being Captain America.

Sam smiled shyly, that smile of his that made Bucky fall head over heels for him, “no, I don’t.”

Bucky kissed Sam’s neck. Sam’s smiles would always get him soft, which meant he had to kiss every inch of him. Sam giggled at Bucky rolling the skin between his lips and he brought a hand to the back of Bucky’s head to caress his nape. Bucky kissed further down his neck, reaching Sam’s collarbone and-

Sam gently pushed him away. Redwing was buzzing irregularly in his lap.

“Hey, there, little fella, don’t be mad,” Sam tried to appease him by stroking him, “Bucky just distracted me for a moment.”

Bucky huffed, disappointed at the interruption. “Not fair,” Bucky grumbled, “I had Sam cuddling dibs.”

“Awww,” Sam teased, his trademark smug grin on his face, “are you jealous?”

Bucky huffed and pushed his shoulder, “no, I’m not jealous. I love you and your weird robot.”

Sam laughed and didn’t retort, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder as they turned on the TV.

~~~

Bucky did get a little jealous when Sam had to sleep on the couch because he didn't want to disturb Redwing ‘napping’ on his lap. He was still jealous, despite how adorable Sam looked with the blanket around his shoulders and drooling on the backrest of the couch.

~~~

Bucky could have handled hogging Sam or Redwing hovering or wondering if the drone was recording while he and Sam were just being domestic, but he drew the line at forcing him to stay in his apartment.

“Okay, freak,” Bucky announced to the drone, “I’m going shopping. Do you need anything?”

The drone didn’t respond. Bucky pulled the jacket on and stuffed his keys in one of the pockets. The drone followed his movements as he got ready to go outside. “I’m going out now,” Bucky informed him before he turned around to leave the apartment.

The drone was staring right back at his face as he moved towards the door. Bucky didn’t jump this time, long used to how Redwing could sneak up on people. “God, how do you do that? Did Stark figure out teleportation or something?”

The drone flew mute, as always. Bucky sighed and went to open the door but Redwing blocked his hand before he could reach the knob. “Ow! Son of a bitch!” he cursed as his hand crushed against the drone, “what, what’s the matter? I can’t leave my home now?”

The drone didn’t respond.

“You know, most pets beg for their owners to take them outside.”

The drone still didn’t respond.

Bucky sighed, and reached for the door, more gently this time, and managed to successfully open the door.

Bucky cheered triumphantly, “not so tough now, huh?”

The drone didn’t show any sign that he understood but when Bucky tried to exit he blocked his way.

“Seriously?” Bucky huffed. He moved an inch to the left quickly and the drone zoomed towards him. “Seriously?” he complained and tried to move another inch, slower this time. The drone followed his painstakingly slow movements, centimeter for centimeter. “You motherfucker.”

He tried to get through the door from the left side and the right side, but wherever he went, Redwing followed him. “I’m going to walk out of this door like a normal person,” he told Redwing, “I’m not going to limbo under you, or jump over you, or fight you or anything like that, so. Get. Out. Of. My. Way.”

Three minutes later, Bucky found himself on his knees, face to face with the drone, “you know, if Sam didn’t like you so much, I would dismantle you piece by piece.”

~~~

Sam paused at the open doorway, looking at his boyfriend and his drone staring at one another.

“Are you having a staring contest?” Sam quipped, “because that’s our thing.”

“It won’t let me leave,” Bucky complained.

Sam raised an eyebrow, walking through the front door, “it? You used to call him him.” Redwing followed him, softly nudging Sam’s head and asking to be pet.

Bucky threw his hands in the air in frustration, “him is for things who aren’t menaces!”

“That’s not my experience,” Sam joked, petting Redwing as it asked.

Bucky glared at him, “that’s not funny. That drone is the executor of Tony Stark’s will and it is trying to kill me!”

Sam laughed, “don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?”

“Two days ago, I swear I saw it give me a withering stare while it was on your chest.”

“He’s a drone, Bucky,” Sam emphasized, “they don’t have expressions.”

“Doesn’t stop him from doing all the other human stuff!”

“Bucky,” Sam shook his head, “Redwing likes you.”

Bucky scoffed, “if Redwing was armed, it'd kill me in my sleep.”

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“When’s our next battle? I bet it'll finish the job then!”

“If only I had a schedule of that...”

“That thing drives me crazy!”

“Bucky!” Sam exclaimed, “all those things Redwing does, he does because he likes you.”

Bucky blinked.

“Think about it,” Sam began explaining, “for weeks after you moved in, he hasn’t moved from his spot, but now he has suddenly decided to move?”

“It has decided it can no longer be passive about me anymore?” Bucky suggested.

“Or-” Sam suggested his interpretation, “-he decided he can trust you and he wants to get to know you.”

Bucky peaked at Redwing behind him, “seems unlikely.”

Sam raised his hands, “don’t ask me to explain his bad taste.”

Bucky looked at the drone, “it likes me.”

Sam nodded, “and unfortunately, so do I.”

"It has a weird way of showing it," Bucky pointed out.

Sam grinned, "well, so do you."

~~~

“What do I do?” Bucky whispered to Sam, panicked.

Sam shook his head. "Pet him, you moron," he told him fondly.

The drone has decided to land in his lap. Changing Redwing’s batteries was like feeding a dog, and now Redwing has decided that Bucky deserved affections. Bucky carefully put his hand on top of the drone’s surprisingly warm metal and started rubbing his hand on the shell.

“There you go,” Sam congratulated him and put his head on Bucky’s shoulder, his hand on the drone, joining the petting. He turned on the TV, “what do you want to watch tonight?”

Bucky looked at Sam, at how calm and happy he looked because of Bucky and Redwing getting along. He looked down at the drone steadily purring louder in his lap.

“Yeah,” he thought, “this is a happy ending.”

#sambucky #winterfalcon #sam wilson #Bucky Barnes #redwing #winterfalcon fic #sambucky fic #winter falcon #falcon #winter soilder #captain america #druwrites #bucky barnes x sam wilson #sam wilson x bucky barnes #marvel #MCU #fatws #falcon and the winter solider #userpavi

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sinner-as-saint · 4 years ago

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My Favorite Kind Of Night - 2.

Camboy!Bucky x CEO!Reader

Part 2 of this series

Run-through: On Friday nights, you are punctual to your virtual meet-up with your favorite camboy over a streaming platform, for your private stream session. You’ve known him for a couple of months now. He goes by the alias of ‘Winter Soldier’ on the platform, which is perfect for the kind of man he is; brawny and drop dead gorgeous. Over the past few months, he has become your favorite kind of night. And secretly, you became his as well. You two get closer over time, and things get interesting when your real, professional lives gets intertwined.

Themes throughout the series: sex worker!bucky, smut, phone sex, fluff, language, dirty talk

James Buchanan Barnes walked into your office not even a minute after your assistant walked out. And you took one look at him and your jaw almost dropped to the floor.

He was tall, broad and very muscular. Blue eyes which made your knees weak even though you were sitting down. His button down shirt seemed so damn tight around his biceps that you feared they might rip at the seams anytime now. Well-groomed beard and a man bun – very few men could pull off this look, but he did so perfectly. You could tell he had long dark brown hair; tied up in a bun which made him look so manly and strong and still boyish at the same time. His facial hair made him look mature and wise and yet, he had a playful smile.

You immediately liked his overall demeanor. And you liked it even more when he flashed that million dollar smile at you. Also, there was something about him which felt weirdly familiar.

“Good morning, Ma’am.” He spoke in a deep voice. Like the kind of voice you know you’d never get tired of. Just the right in between smooth and gruff.

Oh fuck. You gave him your best smile. “Good morning, Mr. Barnes. Please have a seat.”

You had to constantly remind yourself not to stare dreamily at him all throughout the interview. But God damn, James Buchanan Barnes was one fine specimen.

Better than Bucky? Your conscience asked and your eyes widened. Shit. You hadn’t thought about Bucky for even a second since James walked into your office. This man really had you under his spell, huh?

You asked him all the same questions you asked the other candidates, and his replies were well thought out. He was well spoken and carried himself with the right amount of confidence and ease. You could already see him fitting in just right with the rest of your staff. And he was perfectly qualified for the job as well.

You gave him another smile and spoke up, “Very well then, Mr. Barnes. We’ll be delighted to have you here with us. You may start as from tomorrow, is that alright with you?”

He gave you a bright smile back. “Of course, tomorrow’s perfect.” He stood up to leave and you shamelessly admired his back and of course, instinctively your eyes dropped to his lovely butt.

Oh damn. Was there anything about this man which wasn’t perfect?

Before he walked out, he turned around to face you again. “Have a nice day,” he spoke, catching you off guard, he added almost playfully, “Ma’am.”

“You too, Mr. Barnes.” Your voice sounded raspy and dry – mainly because he made you so nervous with just one look.

After James Barnes left your office, you leaned back in your seat with a goofy smile on your face. There was this weird sense of familiarity which lingered around even after he left. There was something about him which made it seem like you had met him before. Had you come across him at a party before? Or seen him on a magazine cover because God knows he belonged on one with all that beauty. You couldn’t put a finger on it.

Regardless, he occupied your thoughts for quite a while. Around an hour later, your phone buzzed while you were typing an email. You checked and saw that it was an incoming call from Bucky. Oh?

You held your phone with nervous, shaky hands. Streams, chats and texting were one thing, but calling? He had never heard your voice and this made you nervous. Fuck it.

You answered the call. “Hello?”

You heard a deep voice groan on the other hand. “Fuck… your voice just had to be as beautiful as the rest of you, huh?” Bucky spoke in that smooth, velvety and playful voice of his. You noticed he sounded a little different on call than he did on video.

You found your face getting hot, your toes curling in your Louboutins and your body getting tingly at the sound of his voice. “But you haven’t seen all of me yet.” You obviously hadn’t shown him your face yet. Which was so bizarre that neither of you knew each other’s name, nor what the other looked like, yet here you were – shamelessly flirting.

He chuckled, and it sent chills down your back and caused the butterflies in your stomach to go crazy. “I don’t have to. I know all of you is beautiful.” He paused. “Also I should tell you, that photo of yours is making it hard for me to go about my day in peace.” He paused again. “Pun intended.”

You laughed and leaned back in your seat. You felt much better now that you heard from him. You had been moody all morning given he hadn’t texted you. But just hearing his voice set your mood straight.

You two talked for about half an hour, carefully avoiding asking any personal questions about each other because you weren’t there yet and neither of you were sure what this… situation was nor where it would go so you both decided to just enjoy it and go with the flow. For now.

Your assistant walked into your office and motioned frantically to her watch – meaning you were a little late to a meeting. So you wrapped up the call with Bucky in the next minute.

“I gotta go. Duty calls.” You sighed, standing up and picking up your laptop.

He groaned again. “Time flies whenever I talk to you.”

You giggled. “Same here, Bucky.”

For the rest of the day, your thoughts kept bouncing back and forth from that flirty phone call with Bucky to thoughts of James Buchanan Barnes. Ah, what a pleasant dilemma it is having two hotties occupying your thoughts.

When you thought of James, your body tingled. The way he walked towards your desk; how he towered over you and how you liked it. How he looked at you with those intense blue-gray eyes, and how his voice carried this tone of comfort but also seriousness when he talked to you.

And when you thought of Bucky, you had more or less the same reaction. You had the shape of his body memorized. His voice when he talked to you on the phone, how he explicitly told you all the things he’d do to you. How goofy he was on text and how equally shameless on call.

Ugh stop. Bucky was a lovely distraction. He pleased you sexually despite being however many miles away and you paid him for it. That’s it. Right? And James was… well, your soon to be employee. You shouldn’t be thinking about him like that.

Oh goodness… what a mess. A hot mess.

Bucky was a happy man when he left your office building and got in a cab, making his way to his apartment. He still could feel how nervous he was when he first entered your office. Mainly because of the interview but also because he had opened his favorite girl’s message right before he stepped into his new boss’ office.

That photo messed with him in the best ways possible. Thank God he was a man who had mastered control, so when he did step inside your office, he didn’t do so with a hard on in his pants.

When Bucky saw his new boss, his jaw almost dropped to the floor but he caught himself before he slipped. And gave you his best smile. The interview went well, he gazed at you whenever you looked away.

Good thing he got the job, which means this wouldn’t be the last time he saw his boss. There was a warmth radiating off the classy, elegant woman behind the desk, one which felt familiar weirdly. But he couldn’t place his finger on it.

As soon as he got home, he decided to call his favorite girl right away. And the minute he heard the lovely voice, all thoughts of his very gorgeous boss left his head temporarily. And he immediately wished it was Friday night already, where he could spend time and pleasure his favorite girl.

When he got off the call. He smiled at the thought of the woman whom he had been flirting shamelessly with for the past days. Then he thought about his boss. What a perfect little mess, being torn between two obviously beautiful women – not knowing who to daydream about the most.

---

Tuesday morning as you stepped into the elevator to go up to your floor, you sensed someone getting into the metal box along with you. You turned your face to the side and met with the prettiest stormy-blue eyes you had ever seen.

Your new office manager – James Barnes. Fucking hell.

“Good morning, Mr. Barnes. Ready for your first day?” you spoke, trying to act like you weren’t hot and bothered as you took in his appearance. The same well-groomed beard and slightly messy man bun. Dark blue button down shirt; which accentuated his eyes, grey tie and black slacks. His suit jacket folded over his arm. He looked good.

Better than good actually, he looked freaking hot. And you always were a sucker for men who knew how to dress properly.

He gave you a big smile. “Good morning, boss.” You chuckled at what he called you. “I am actually, and I promise not to let you down.” He spoke with a promise in his voice.

And you liked his confidence. His stance and demeanor screamed confidence, but not arrogance. Not one bit. “I’m certain you won’t.”

The rest of the elevator ride was spent in silence, both of you sensing the tension in between you two. You couldn’t tell if it was just a thing you had with elevators, or was it being inside a closed space with James which made you feel all hot and bothered.

On your way to the top, a couple of people entered the space as well. And in order to make room for them, James inched closer to you. And you could feel the smirk on his face as he did.

Lucky for you, he would work on the same floor as you. So you parted ways right outside his cabin.

“See you around, Mr. Barnes.”

“See you around, Ma’am.”

This time, the playfulness in his voice was hard to miss.

Your phone buzzed as soon as you sat at your desk, signaling you had a message from Bucky.

Bucky: I hope you’re missing me. Because I am.

You giggled and replied right away.

You: Always am, soldier. Gotta go though, duty calls again.

Bucky: Are you bored of me already? Damn, and here I thought you liked me :(

You shook your head at his message, smiling.

You: I do! I promise we’ll talk tonight.

Bucky: Okay, doll. I’ll wait.

You placed your phone down and got to work. There was a lot to be done today. Bucky lingered in the back of your head, but so did James. And you had to push aside thoughts of both men and get to work seriously.

You were going about your morning just fine, free of thoughts of both gorgeous guys for some hours, when a knock at your door caught your attention.

“Come in.” you called. And in walked one of the most perfect man you had ever seen – James. “Oh, hi. How have you been so far?”

He walked over to your desk with two coffee cups and handed you one. You smiled and motioned for him to take a seat. “Great actually. I love it here. I was getting coffee and met up with your assistant. Then she mentioned your constant need for caffeine so I thought I should get you some.”

You smiled. “Buttering me up, huh? What did you do, Mr. Barnes? How bad did you mess up?” you joked, taking the cup from him.

He laughed. “None of that. Just wanted to see how my boss was doing.”

You giggled. You were sure that by now all your staff knew how much you relied on coffee to get through the day.

You and James had a little chat – just about the company, and work and life in this city – before he had to get back to work. And even after he left, his cologne lingered in the air. You sighed in delight thinking about him. He was easy to be around and talk to. He was magnetic.

And the way he stared into your eyes when speaking made you all tingly and warm.

----

You got home and hopped into the shower. Your thoughts were again filled with James and Bucky. You made a mental note to call Bucky later since you had promised him so earlier in the day. But then, by the time you finished showering, a naughty idea formed inside your head as you looked at the large, floor to ceiling mirror in your bathroom.

You dried yourself, but on a flimsy black thong and posed in front of the mirror. Your arm shielding your breasts barely, as you snapped audacious pictures of yourself – naked, just in your thong; which also left very little to the imagination. Once satisfied, you selected a couple and sent them to Bucky.

Then you got dressed and lounged around in your bedroom; catching up on some reading, and responding to a couple of emails, until your phone rang again. It was Bucky, so you answered with a smirk.

“Hello Bucky.” You chirped, knowing damn well why he was calling.

He sighed, groaning. “Where are you?” his voice sounded so deep and raspy. The voice of a man who’s hot and bothered.

“In my bedroom. All alone. Why?” you acted oblivious.

He groaned loudly. “Get naked, and get on your bed. Now.” he ordered. Sounding so authoritative and stern that his voice sent pleasant chills down your spine, ending in tingles right in between your bed.

Woah… well you certainly didn’t expect that. “But… but today’s not our-,”

He cut you off by growling. “I don’t care what today is, babygirl. Your photos have me rock hard and now, I just need to hear you cum for me.”

Oh.

Your heart pounded at the sound of his voice. And at his request. This was new because he had never heard you moan, or orgasm before, it was always just him on video. This suddenly felt so intimate and it made you burn with desire and excitement.

“You…” you trailed off, not knowing how to reply to that.

He chuckled, and you could tell he had that god damn smirk on his face. “You heard me, babygirl. On your bed. Now.”

You trembled at the sound of his voice. “Okay.” You murmured and smiled as you got on your bed. You put the call on loud and waited.

“Now take off everything you’re wearing. I want you naked for me.” He whispered through the phone, his voice slowly but surely pulling you under his spell.

You took off the oversized shirt, and thong – leaving you bare in your bed. The dimmed lights only added to how hot you were feeling. Now all you needed was Bucky here with you, but unfortunately, despite however much you wanted him here in your bed physically, you’d have to make do with his voice alone.

“Are you done, babygirl?” he asked.

“Yeah.” your voice was just a little shaky.

“Good girl.” He purred and you almost audibly whined. “Now think of me and touch yourself.” he exhaled loudly, which gave away that he was probably touching himself as well. “If I was there, I would kiss every inch of your body, slowly… down your neck, your collar bones, and down your breasts… I would make you squirm and whine under me.”

You gasped as your cupped your breasts and pinched and tugged at your erected nipples. You imagined how those sinfully pink lips of his would feel against your skin. Warm and soft. He heard you, and chuckled.

“Are you wet for me, babygirl?” he asked, clearly smirking on the other end.

“Yes…” you whispered, voice barely audible as your hands slowly trailed down your body.

“Hmm,” he purred. “I wish I was there with you, in your bed. I would kiss my way down your body… your thighs, your pretty little cunt. And I wouldn’t give you want you wanted until you begged for it.” He chuckled. “Come on babygirl, beg for me…”

You whined loudly and obeyed. You begged, unashamedly, wantonly. And he was going crazy on the other end at the sound of your pleas. If only he could have you actually under him, he thought.

“Please Buck…” your voice hoarse and strained as you toyed with your breasts.

He chuckled. “Okay babygirl. You may touch your wet, little cunt for me.” He spoke, just a little breathless compared to earlier.

You lied down, parting your legs gently and touched yourself; imagining it was him. Your fingers slightly toyed with your folds.

“Feel how wet you are for me, babygirl? Fuck… I wish I was there to get a taste of your sweet little cunt. I’d put your legs over my shoulders, exposing you to me.” He chuckled darkly. “And I wouldn’t stop licking and tasting and eating out that little cunt of yours, fucking you with my tongue until you’re sensitive, and crying and begging for me to stop.” He growled.

Obscene sounds escaped your lips as your two fingers slipped inside your entrance with ease given that you were dripping by now. “Bucky…” you gasped, your body hot, your chest heaving.

“Hmm,” he groaned, touching himself at the thought of you. “I’m an impatient man, babygirl.” He chuckled again. “I would be so deep in you by now. Stretching you open, fucking you raw and making you scream and cum around my big cock.” He whispered, speeding up as he stroked himself.

Your back arched off the bed again, causing the air to mercilessly hit your bare chest and causing your nipples to erect even further. The pace at which your fingers effortlessly slipped in and out of you increased – your fingers brushing against every sensitive spot inside you; making you moan out loud.

He growled and swore under his breath as he heard you moan for him. “That’s it, babygirl, fuck yourself faster…” you did just as he asked. “Fuck, I wish I had you here on my lap. I would take you over and over and over again, just fucking you relentlessly, pumping my hard cock in and out of you until your body can’t take it anymore.”

You moaned out loud, back arching off the surface of the bed as you pushed your fingers deeper inside you; knuckles deep and you still wanted more. “Buck…” you gasped, swearing and moaning all at the same time.

“I’m right here, babygirl.” He whispered as he fisted his cock and threw his head back, grunting. “Are you close? Are you so close that you can’t think of anything else, huh? All you want is my big cock, isn’t it babygirl?”

You whined in response and he smirked.

“So desperate and needy, aren’t you baby? But don’t worry, I got you.” He groaned as he stroked himself faster. “Will you be my good girl and cum for me? Yeah?” he was starting to feel a little hazy, feeling his orgasm approaching fast.

You whimpered as you sped up your fingers inside you. “Yes… please Bucky.” You moaned and begged him to grant you your release. He was right, you couldn’t think of anything else. Nothing other than a certain man with a pair of blue eyes inside an elevator.

“Fuck… I love the sounds you make, babygirl.” He sounded breathless as he stroked himself, faster… and faster. He was groaning and clenching his teeth to keep himself quiet as he thought of a certain woman he saw this morning, behind a desk, looking like an angel yet so fuckable at the same time. “Come on, babygirl. Cum for me.”

The palm of your hands rubbed against your sensitive bundle of nerves over and over again; your moans got louder and louder as you felt your body getting warmer and warmer. You thrashed around and whined.

“Cum for me…” Bucky’s voice was a whisper. “Cum for me now!” he growled and you came around your own fingers as he came all over his hand. Both of you gasping, chest heaving and heartbeats ringing in your ears.

“Oh fuck…” you groaned as you let your orgasm wash over you.

Bucky panted, then chuckled. “Well done, doll.” he sounded so calm now that he had released all that pent up tension. His gorgeous boss, and then your photos. He was just a man, he could only take so much in one day.

You giggled as you came down from the high. “Now what was that, Soldier?” you asked, playfully.

He exhaled loudly through the phone and spoke, “Well, since we’re now friends, I figured I should also benefit from the perks of our friendship. Besides, you’re not exactly making it easy for me.”

You laughed. “Maybe I should do that often then, huh?” you teased.

He chuckled. “Like I said before babygirl, you can do and have whatever you want.” He repeated.

You smiled, part of you wondered why you thought of James earlier. And you got quiet for a minute. Bucky didn’t notice, because he too was wondering why he was thinking of his boss lady while touching himself just a minute ago.

“You okay, babygirl?” Bucky asked after a while, and you found your lids starting to droop a little.

You opened your mouth to speak, but yawned instead. Bucky heard and chuckled. “Yeah, just a little sleepy. I had a long day.”

He smiled and his voice came through the phone. “Get some sleep, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Okay. Good night, Buck.” you replied, picking your phone up.

“Good night, babygirl.”

He ended the call and laid down on his back. Well, well, isn’t this a lovely way to end a night?

You sighed as you laid down on your back, lying naked in your bed you thought of the day and smiled. James and Bucky were making your days much better so far.

Just as you were about to doze off, your ‘work’ phone buzzed. You picked it up from your nightstand, and checked it. It was a new number who had texted you.

-Evening ma’am, this is James Barnes. Your assistant suggested that you should have my number. Also wanted to let you know that I’ve emailed you all the necessary details regarding the new project. Which you are not obliged to check right away of course. I can wait, I’m a patient man.

You chuckled a little at his message and quickly added him to your contacts.

You: Very well, Mr. Barnes. I’ll check the email first thing in the morning.

He replied right away.

James Barnes: Alright. Good night, ma’am

You giggled, typing a reply right away.

You: Good night, Mr. Barnes

You threw both your phones aside and fell asleep feeling all tingly.

Was it because of the very steamy phone call with Bucky or was it because James – your new, very hot employee just texted you good night?

Bucky put down his ‘work’ phone and fell into bed with his personal phone in hand. He played around for a bit, checked his socials then found himself staring at the photos you sent him earlier again. He sighed, smiling to himself.

He felt all warm. But he couldn’t tell if it was because of the phone call with you or because of the thoughts of his boss lady. Either way, he was a happy man as he fell asleep that night.

Little did either of you know that the grand revelation was right around the corner…

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes au #camboy!bucky #marvel au #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes

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lune-hime · 4 years ago

Note

May I request drabbles (or headcannons, what you prefer <3) of the chocobros falling in love at first sight? Like, they considered the idea silly, but then they fall in love without warning xD F!Reader and not poly (just to clarify) <3

Eeeee thank you so much for being my first request <3 I hope you enjoy it! I had so much fun writing these, we stan dumb boys in love.

You Had Me at...Oh Gods I’m in Love With You.

↞Noctis↠

The term love at first sight was not a valid concept within Noctis’ mind. His brain was wired too cynically for that. Hell, he had never known the decadent kiss of romantic love before. Love at first sight was as real as his King’s Knight avatar in his eyes. But when that energizing sensation, like being zapped with the sweetened hum of clarity, bathed him in affectionate realization he questioned everything. Perhaps questioned above all that this feeling was cultivated by someone he was all too familiar with.

The waning sun caressed your curves and its rays wove celestial golden lilies into your hair. You were the only one of the group with enough patience and chill to sit with him while he fished for hours on end (Yes even Ignis, the reigning lord of composure, grew tired of it.) Your shorts had ridden up your thighs, allowing the heated wood of the dock to support your tired body after the day’s hunt. Your legs dangled off of the edge, toes rippling at the surface of the modest lake.

You were positively glowing; only you didn’t look outwardly different than normal. The setting sun took with it the invisible blinders Noctis wore. It stole his breath as utter and sudden adoration bubbled up his throat. Hyper awareness of all the moments you had blessed him with an extra heartbeat swam through him like the fish below your kindred forms that danced around his lure.

When you first met in the royal gardens, two children freshly grown out of their toddler stage. Sneaking away to play with the koi fish in the vast pond while your parents, among other delegates, enjoyed dinner with their king.

When you stayed home from prom with him when his anxiety crippled his will to attend (despite the wines and protests of your friends). If he wasn’t there what was the point in watching your friends chase after their crushes; leaving you twirling your punch in your hand as your thoughts circled back again and again to your raven haired best friend. The night was spent deliciously in pajamas, munching on pizza and playing video games.

When you consistently allowed him to drag you (although it was never a chore for you) to royal galas if he needed a date. Whether that be to fend off incessant elites and their thirsty daughters or just to give him a sense of normality among the plastered smiles of royalty.

“Fuck!” You screeched and yanked your toe violently out of the water, pulling Noctis’ adoration out with it. He grunted when you splashed his lap with lakewater but quickly his mild discomfort bloomed into a fit of laughter. A hearty crayfish dangled angrily from your big toe. It snapped its free claw comically as you continued to freak out.

Although not the most opportune time, Noctis realized that he wanted to spend an eternity of days like this bathed in the love he felt for you-and he could only hope you felt the same.

“Noct stop laughing and help me before my toe gets pinched off!”

Love at first sight? More like love at first bite.

↞Prompto↠

Prompto was a hopeless romantic in the purest essence of the phrase. It was embarrassingly blissful to him how often he fantasized about endowing someone he loved with all of the affection and cuddles he could muster. Sure they were pleasant fantasies but did he ever think they would ever actually happen to him?

Gods no.

He could not deny that it was addicting to silently dream of laying his eyes on the love of his life as he went about his everyday high school existence. Would she bump into him as they crossed paths in the cafeteria? Catch his eye across the library, peeking up at him over her book? Or maybe become his sparring partner when he started at the Crownsguard academy; exchanging calculated punches then whisking him away to Crow’s Nest for a burger and shakes.

The droning of the tour guide at Insomnia’s Central Museum for the Arts was drowned out by one said fantasy. Prompto mozied along with the rest of his class on their day-long field trip to the building. He allowed himself to picture the object of his undying love emerging from the sea of students, the classical elegance of the sculptures reflected in her eyes as her gaze grew alight with their eloquence.

Only, she actually did.

Ho.lee.shit.

Prompto screwed his eyes shut and wondered if he had taken these musings a bit too far. To his bewilderment when he opened them, the angel was still standing there.

He absolutely was not exaggerating when he found you more stunning than the carvings of the goddesses you were observing. He stared in amazement at you long enough to be able to count the freckles on your nose until Noctis bumped him in the shoulder.

“Dude, stop staring otherwise she’s going to think you’re a pervert.” Noctis flatly warned.

“Who...who is she?” Prompto asked breathily as if you had stolen all his available air away. He clenched his friend’s arm for support as the intense sensation of sheer infatuation threatened to float his body through the roof.

“I don’t recognize her. She must have transferred here this semester.” Noctis explained nonchalantly. His azure eyes glinted with playful mischief as he watched his friend squirm in longing. In a rare show of PDA, Noctis looped his arm through Prompto’s and dragged him closer to you. The blonde was too swept up in the overwhelmingly deep pool of his instant crush that he hadn’t realized Noctis had dropped him off at your side. Prompto stood as stiffly as the sculpture; camera awkwardly held at chest level, eyes glazed over, and teeth worrying incessantly at his bottom lip. He was a vibrating mess of nerves as he fumbled for something to say to explain his proximity to you before you noticed.

“H-hey.” He croaked. He cursed the rise in his tone as his greeting slipped from his lips.

“Oh, hey!” You chirped. Prompto could have passed out with how delightfully blinding your smile was. Even brighter than the polished marble of the artwork.

Think Prompto, think.

“Do...do you mind if I take a picture of you?” He cleared his throat and gestured to his camera with a cheesy smile.

You cocked your head in curiosity. Prompto’s eyes widened comically to the size of his camera lens.

Shit shit nice going Prompto. You, a total stranger asking to take a picture of a pretty girl out of nowhere.

“It’s for the school paper. It’s okay if you say no!” He babbled, scrambling for any semblance of a normal answer. It was indeed the truth; as a photographer for the paper, it gave him an excuse to have his precious camera on him everywhere. And apparently a way to clean up his awkwardness.

“Of course!” Your giggle was a double entendre. It sent Prompto’s nerves into an extravagant fanfare yet managed to douse the flames of his anxiety.

“I’m Prompto by the way.” He blurted. Your full attention on him sent a stampede of chocobos barreling into his chest.

“I’m Y/N.”

He struggled not to let out a small hum of awe as your posture changed from sweetly delicate to posing humorously akin to the statue. Your last extravagant mimicry of the artwork resulted in you wobbling sideways. Your slight loss of balance caused your phone to fall out of your pocket. Prompto let his camera dangle against his chest as he fumbled to nab it before it hit the stone floor. He managed to catch it but at the expense of flailing into your arms. Your hands flew to his shoulders as you helped prop him up straight.

Your touch blossomed goosebumps on his pale skin like a lush garden of wildflowers. The two of you slowly raised your heads to join gazes graced with mutual deep blushes.

“Are you alright?” You checked as your hands still cultivated more flowers along his arms. Prompto gulped and nodded.

In the commotion, your phone screen had turned on. When he held it out to you he swore his heart was going to implode even more than it already had. The activated device revealed an absolutely adorable photo of you smiling widely next to a chocobo whose feathers were the color of the sky on a cloudless summer day.

“You like chocobos?” He asked softly, internally freaking out at how utterly perfect you were.

“Yeah! I own one, that’s her.” You replied with that same smile-only it was infinitely more striking in real life.

“No way! What’s her name?” Prompto brightened up at her enthusiasm for the bird.

“Lucina. I’m really into this game-”

No. fucking. Way.

“Fire Emblem?” As he interjected there was a brief silence filled with cherried cheeks and bubblegumed gazes.

“Yeah, actually. Do you play?” The way your grin formed on your lips rivaled any ray of sunshine that cascaded through the glass ceiling.

“It’s one of my favorites.” It took everything for Prompto to subdue his buzzing excitement and not shoot out of the building in a rocket powered by serotonin.

“No way, mine too. Lucina just had chicks, wanna see?” You offered and stepped close enough to him that your arms gave each other eskimo kisses.

“Hell yeah.” He exhaled shakily. The overstimulation and attention was becoming too much to handle as you excitedly showered him with pictures of your new hatchlings. He didn’t think it was more possible for your features to shine more than they had already.

“Ms. Y/L/N, Mr. Argentum. If you are done canoodling back there we are moving onto the next gallery.” Your teacher’s scratchy voice boomed over the vast room and elicited snickers from your classmates.

The two of you were the embodiment of deer caught in the headlights of embarrassment. You giggled the awkwardness away while Prompto fanned himself vigorously.

“Um, Y/N?” He asked as you turned to rejoin everyone. The way the syllables caressed his tongue made him long to say it again. You hummed in response as you two began walking to the next room.

“Since you’re into Fire Emblem, do you play smash?” He asked.

“I do.” Your response inflated him with newfound confidence, no matter how momentarily.

“Maybe we can canoodle again sometime? And by that I mean do you want to have a smash bros tournament after school one of these days?” Prompto proposed with his nose scrunched in anxious anticipation.

“I’d love that.”

Poor boy had never simped so quickly.

↞Ignis↠

Ignis squinted at google maps as the little dot pinged upon his arrival at his destination. He was in a rather unusual part of the city and if it wasn’t for his gps he would have thought that he had left Insomnia all together. It was so very green; maples lined the streets while tulips swayed to the silent music of the wind in the park behind him. Between the thick tresses of ivy that clung to the modest building in front of him he could make out a sign.

Sleepless Beans

This was indeed the place. He slipped his phone into the pocket of his dress pants and began walking up to the precipice. A loud clanking, followed by a high pitched SHIT halted him in his tracks. An enormous cat, the likes of Ignis had never seen before, bounded out of the open door of the coffee shop. It barrelled at his shins and he danced around its swatty paws, the animal almost catching his pant leg as it attempted to run past him. He awkwardly shuffled around it, unsure if it was too aggressive to pick up or calm enough not to bolt into the greenery across the street.

“Oh my gods I’m so sorry!” Your voice enchanted Ignis audibly before your appearance did. It was like he was hearing the personification of early morning dew drops on a silken petal.

Ignis had never given more than a passing thought to romance. To what it meant to feel butterflies, as others called it, within his chest. He had much higher priorities; a prince, a city, and a country to mull over.

But he believed he was finally touched by this foreign fluttering of hummingbird wings against the chambers of his heart when he laid eyes upon you. Time slowed as you ejected yourself from the shop, hands threading into the long fur of the animal and scooping it up. The greens of the natural scenery surrounding the two of you instantly intensified to an almost blinding neon as he soaked in your lovely essence.

“I-It’s quite alright.” Ignis consoled smoothly as he watched you struggle to restrain the cat.

My word, he just stammered. He was too eloquently educated to fumble for his words.

When he reached out to aid you in supporting the wiggling cat’s butt, his gaze fell upon your apron and he swore five more hummingbirds had blossomed within him.

The printed lettering on the sienna colored fabric read:

My birthstone is a coffee bean.

He found that insufferably adorable.

Once you had gathered your cat within your arms you exhaled in relief and threw him a tired smile.

“Ebony doesn’t usually leave the shop, he’s too lazy to go anywhere but his cat tree. But I guess that blue jay on the vine made him unusually spicy today.” You said with playfulness once you saw Ignis was not offended.

“I hope you aren’t allergic to cats.” You sheepishly joked and Ignis had to consciously try to not get lost within your captivating cuteness.

“No, not at all. Ebony, that’s a lovely name.” He responded, hoping that he didn’t sound like he had carefully calculated every word of that sentence to make a good impression.

“Thank you! He’s named after my favorite coffee.” You smiled with a groan as you heaved the cat up to your shoulder.

“Ebony is actually why I’m here. I hear you have brews unlike any other.” Ignis continued as he just recalled the reason he had traveled all the way out here.

“You’ve heard right! We’re one of the only coffee shops in all of Insomnia that offers custom Ebony grounds.” Your voice sang to the tune of the summer sunshine filtering through the towering canopy.

“Follow me inside and we can get your order set up.”

The coffee shop was just as cozy as its exterior; various species of plants dangled from hanging baskets scattered across the ceiling, wide windows allowed natural light to softly embrace polished countertops that held up walls decorated with pastelled art and trinkets.

“Alrighty, so here’s a list of all of our flavors-It’s a lot so take your time.” You explained after reaching behind the barista’s station and placing the paper on the counter for Ignis to observe. He was quite content looking over an extensive selection of aromas and tastes. However his stomach flip flopped at the prospect of not continuing your melodious conversation.

“What do you recommend?” He asked simply. His glasses fogged up with his inaudible gasp when your features lit up in enthusiasm.

You launched into a detailed musing of your favorite flavors; the body, strength, taste of each one, and what ones paired the best with each other. Ignis was sucked in by your shared passion for the invigorating liquid and felt a minute pout manifest when you halted your lovely speech.

“Ope, sorry. Look at me rambling.” You chuckled awkwardly. Ignis blinked in disbelief that someone so ethereally charming would apologize for speaking about something they found joy in.

“No need to apologize. I’ll go with the miel and elderflower blend, as you recommended.” His lips curled upward at your own grin.

“Great! I knew such a well put together guy had excellent taste.” You mused and threw him an excited smile only to flush a deep rose when you realized you had just inadvertently flirted with a customer.

Blood was drained from Ignis’ veins and replaced with nectar instead. It ran so syrupy sweet that it momentarily clogged his charisma and ability to form coherent sentences.

“We can either ship it to you or keep it here for you to pick up. What’s easier for you?” You coughed and asked in a more professional tone that betrayed your lingering redness.

“Most certainly pick up.”

↞Gladiolus↠

Gladiolus read a lot of romance novels.

And I mean a lot.

Copious amounts.

And no one teased him about it because-I mean have you seen him? If that man was participating in a library reading list he would already have won six regalias. Yet despite his infatuation with stories about people’s affections, some of the tropes he read on paper most certainly did not translate into the real world.

One of them being love at first sight. The only love at first sight Gladio had ever experienced was with the intoxicating aroma of a fresh styrofoam container of cup noodles.

So it was a jolt to his being when the most peculiar feeling manifested within him on his family vacation to Galdin Quay. Iris and his dad were napping after a long day of hiking along the beach. While his family was completely drained he felt the opposite. Anywhere outside of the concrete and brick cityscapes endowed his being with newfound energy.

He found himself chilling on one of the lavish couches that cradled the grand fountain in the middle of the resort’s lobby. His hair was tied up in a messy bun to allow the sweat from the intense heat evaporate off his neck. His Hawaiian shirt lay unbuttoned against his stomach as he basked in the lazy breeze of the hotel AC.

Gladio was a young man with a healthy vigor, so it was natural for him to first admire a beautiful woman’s alluring curves or the plump swell of her ass. However, when his eyes danced across your form tapping on your phone across the lobby it was as if the crisp AC had been absorbed into his nerves. His body burned with icy heat as everything else in the room faded into monochrome against your chromatic existence.

He blinked as he grappled with how a simple mundane activity could bestow upon you such an intensely luminous glow. His eyes were glued to every part of your being; and not in his usual casual admiration of the female form. He couldn’t explain the electricity that crackled at the soles of his feet and pushed him to get closer to you. His mind raced as he tried to catch up to his heart that was abruptly waterboarded by a freight train of desire.

You were too divine to not let his imagination sculpt the two of you in the bashful interactions and passionate adventures of his latest read. Toes burried the delicate sand and hands reaching towards the vast network of constellations of the bay. Laughs mingling with the soft pull of the waves and touches as feather light as the gulls that rode them.

His chest clenched between the radiant teeth you revealed when you giggled at your phone screen. He ached in unexplainable jealousy.

Fuck, he didn’t even know your name.

He felt pent up by the sweat that dripped down his exposed stomach, by the idea that he had to return to training the moment he stepped through the obsidian doors of the Citadel, by how he just caught feelings for someone who was as much a stranger to him as the waiter who had brought him room service earlier.

His frustration flared when you turned to exit the lobby. His stomach dropped as he felt homesick for a person he had never known.

Until a book popped itself out of your tote bag as you hurried out of the revolving door. Gladiolus didn’t waste a moment before making a beeline for the lost object. When he took up the freshly printed paper in his hands he audibly gasped.

Gods, you were perfect.

“Hey! You dropped your book-” A velvety voice called from behind you. Your sandals halted on the sunbaked wood of the boardwalk. You whipped around to find a man as honeyed as his amber eyes.

“Oh wow, thanks! I didn’t even know it fell out.” You smiled in gratitude and took your book from him, placing it back into your bag.

Gladiolus continued to drink in your lovely aura as if you were one of the mojitos he had ordered earlier. He desperately wanted to order one for you now, sit with you as you watched the ships come in and out of port, and-

“Well, have a great rest of your night.” You said, feeling viscous under his dazed expression. As you turned to leave he seemed to snap out of his daydream.

“You have impeccable taste.” He added with a boyish grin that softened the chiseled roadways of his face. You quirked a brow, unsure of if you had to deal with yet another cheesy pick up line today.

“The book.” He clarified. He leaned against the railing and you tried to avoid lingering your gaze on his toned torso.

“You like this book too?” Your jaw went slack and your question was posed with more of a scoff than you would have liked.

“Like it? It’s one of my all-time favorites.” Gladiolus beamed, causing his dimples to come out of hiding. You giggled and he swore it made the water that lapped at the support beams sing.

“What’s so funny?” He huffed half-heartedly. Rejection brewed in the deepest part of his confidence.

“Nothing!” Your genuine smile quickly flushed away his doubt. “It’s just that-don’t take this the wrong way-I wouldn’t peg you for someone whose favorite book is a young adult fantasy romance.”

Your plush cheeks flushed the shade of the sunset and Gladiolus longed to know what they felt like against his gentle palms.

“Well, never judge a book by its cover.” His smile mimicked the rising crescent in the sky as the two of you continued to talk over the sun handing over the day to the moon.

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