#the video is so interesting and the dancer so compelling like i just want them to be okay

[lookninjas]

Look into my eyes tell me I’m wrong When I say this ship is sinking Listen to my words tell me I’m right Cause that’s what I wanna hear

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

How's go Princess Precure for you so far?? Also do you watch AzenZone's videos? if not you should he is well informed on Pretty Cure/Super Sentai/Kamen Rider

I haven’t heard of that channel, but I’ll be sure to check him out.

I’m not really sure what to watch after Go! Princess for now. I’m still interested in possibly checking out either Mahoutsukai Precure (mainly because I might be going through critical Owl House withdrawal) or Healin Good Precure (I was explicitly told to watch it in the finale of Star Twinkle after all), though I’d be open to other suggestions.

As for Go! Princess, I recently finished Episode 16 I really like it so far.

While I heard this show was held in high regard by the fandom, I was still pretty hesitant because of the main character Haruka/Cure Flora’s dream of becoming a princess, mainly because a similar Toei show, Kamen Rider Zi-O tried something like it by having the titular Rider dream of becoming a king while doing nothing to achieve that goal outside of sayin he really wanted to be one, but I was thankfully surprised to see Haruka do stuff that Zi-O never did: SHE ACTUALLY LEARNED ABOUT BEING A PRINCESS. 

Several episodes of the show follow Haruka taking etiquette lessons for stuff like afternoon tea ceremonies, ballet, tennis, dress making, and other activities associated with princesses. Haruka clearly doesn’t expect to become a princess because she’s special. She knows there’s a lot of work to be done in order to do so, in spite of how klutzy she can be at times. And her hard work tends to pay off with how she manages to learn the skills she sets out to learn, despite how daunting they can appear at times. The entire reason she got into a prestigious middle school, Noble Academy, is because she studied her ass off in order to do so. At the same time, she can still be impulsive with her diving into learning a new skill and can overestimate her abilities, though she is still capable of realizing her errors. 

Haruka makes for an amazing role model for all ages, and the way she works to achieve her dream goes perfectly with the show’s theme of following one’s dreams and desires. She’s honestly my favorite character so far.

Minami/Cure Mermaid serves as a good foil to Haruka in terms of personality and skill. She is a stellar student, a skilled ballet dancer, an amazing violinist, and generally serves as a mentor to Haruka in her training to become a princess. She also parallels Haruka with her own desire to join the ranks of her family in the many companies they own, sort of like a less evil version of Jeff Bezos.

Of the core three Cures, I’d have to say she’s my least favorite right now because of the lack of focus episodes she gets compared to the others, but I still find her sisterly relationship with Haruka to be incredibly wholesome.

Kirara/Cure Twinkle also serves as an interesting foil to Haruka as for the most part, she’s already achieved her dream of becoming a famous model, and knows the responsibility that comes with it. Even when she first becomes Cure Twinkle, she gives back the transformation trinket because she just wanted to kick the monster of the week’s ass for ruining one of her shows, citing her own life is too busy to spend time fighting monsters. At the same time, she shows how tough her job is, as opposed to Adrien “Calls Posing for a Few Shots Busy” Agreste. One of the earlier episodes goes into greater detail about what being a model is all about by explaining the kind of etiquette it takes to pose for shots, and being able to tell good shots from bad ones, all while balancing that with her other extracurricular activities. If we got more stuff like this with Adrien, I think I’d understand his struggles a lot more.

Kirara is also the funniest character in the show in my opinion. She’s just so lax with how she goes on about her daily life and has some playful comment about the situation, making a lot of scenes with her a blast. She’s my second favorite Cure, only barely losing to Haruka.

Also, I can’t be the only one who thinks she kind of looks like Lila’s long-lost sister.

The fairies Pafu and Aroma, are also pretty fun characters, mainly Aroma for his desire to be the best butler he can possibly be to Haruka. My favorite episode so far, Episode 15, really showcases what being a butler is like and how they dedicate themselves to their masters. I doubt he’ll ever reach Alfred levels of greatness, but I still like him.

Also, in Episode 15, Paru and Aroma take on human forms, and Pafu spends most of her screentime close to Minami, leading to incredibly wholesome images like this.

The villains, Dys Dark, are also pretty cool with how they abuse the dreams of their victims and turn them into monsters because of it.

Dyspear is a pretty intimidating big bad, even if she sits on her throne most of the time.

Close had a really cool punk design, and was incredibly fun to watch as a starting antagonist.

Shut is a pretty bland villain with him being vain and all that, though he has a fun rivalry with the more memorable Lock.

Dyspear’s daughter, Princess Twilight serves as a really compelling rival to Haruka, as she believes you can only be born into greatness instead of working, the complete opposite to Haruka’s belief. The fact that she has her own version of the Dress Up Keys to use to power up the other generals also raises a lot of questions about her as well.

I don’t really have much to say about the supporting cast other than Yui, a classmate of Haruka who actually finds out she and the others are Precures, and serves as their secret keeper and ally in battle, a really interesting idea that I want to see explored more.

There’s also Prince Kanata, though I think I’ll talk about him more when I see more episodes focusing around him.

Overall, I’m really interested in seeing where this series goes because of how investing all of the characters are

[abrigailcinema]

Final: Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock was an English film director, producer, and screenwriter. He was considered the “Master of Suspense” and some of his most well known films include Rear Window (1954), Vertigo (1958), North by Northwest (1959), and Psycho (1960). I will be mainly focusing on Hitchcock’s 1954 film, Rear Window. Although Hitchcock moved to Hollywood at the beginning of his career, many mannerisms in his films come from his roots in London, England.

His career began in London, when Paramount Pictures was just opening a studio there. He worked as a co-writer, art director, and production manager for over a dozen silent films. Hitchcock then moved to Gainsborough Pictures in Germany after Paramount had pulled from London. He worked on minor films there, until he moved to Hollywood in 1939, where he completed several films throughout and after the time of World War Two. The most successful years of his career ranged from 1954 to 1964. His films following this period were known, but not entirely successful. In his late life, he was knighted in 1980, and due to his health declining, passed away a few months later. Hitchcock distributed his films in Hollywood through various production companies such as Warner Brothers, and in the instance of Rear Window, Paramount Pictures. His filming techniques were unique, to compel the audience to experience the film as if they were immersed in the story. In the case of Rear Window, many of the shots in the film involved the camera panning across the screen, through the eyes of the main character.

Rear Window was nominated for multiple Oscars in 1954, including best cinematography, best writing (screenplay), best sound, and Alfred Hitchcok was nominated for best director for the film. But, to the surprise of everyone, did not receive any of those awards, only the nominations. Alfred Hitchcock did not write the film from scratch; he had an inspiration - a short story, The short story was titled “It Had To Be Murder” and was written by Cornell Woolrich as part of Dime Detective, in February of 1942. It runs an hour and fifty two minutes, and takes up twelve reels of film. Despite being filmed in the early 1950’s, the film was shot completely in color. Alfred Hitchcock was actually enthralled in the writing process, sometimes more than filming itself, because that’s when all of the great “lightbulb” ideas happen. In an interview with Hitchcock himself, he describes why he loves the writing process so much. He states:

“The most enjoyable part of making a picture is in that little office, with the writer, when we are discussing the story-lines and what we’re going to put on the screen. The big difference is that I do not let the writer go off on his own and just write a script that I will interpret. I stay involved with him and get him involved in the direction of the picture. So he becomes more than a writer; he becomes part maker of the picture.”

The film itself revolves around L.B. “Jeff” Jeffries, a New York magazine photographer stuck in his home during the summer due to a broken leg. To pass the time, he sits in his wheelchair and stares out of his apartment window at his neighbors. He is visited by his nurse, Stella, who disapproves of his spying, and his girlfriend, Lisa, who is a model. His neighbors all have personas created by Jeff, such as Miss Lonely Hearts, who often entertains an imaginary dinner date. Miss Torso was a dancer, juggling between three men. There was a traveling salesman, living with his bed-ridden wife, and a struggling composer that plays the piano. Jeff does more observing, and after a few suspicious events happen in his neighborhood, he believes that the salesman, Lars Thorwald, murdered his wife. After numerous attempts to find clues leading to Thorwald being guilty, tension builds as the audience wonders what will happen next (and no… I will not be spoiling the end of the film).

One of the most intriguing parts about Rear Window is the fact that Jeff has the ability to observe much more clearly in his apartment than he would if he were out and about. Observation was one of the main themes of the film, because without slowing down, nobody picked up on anything that Jeff did. Alfred Hitchcock’s repertoire of mystery thrillers is vast, but in my opinion, the scariest part of this film is the fact that sometimes it doesn’t take deep investigation, but observation. Imagine how much people would be able to learn just from stopping and looking around themselves.

In terms of technique, Alfred Hitchcock wanted to capture the film through the eyes of the main character. Typically, he would use the camera to show what the main character was looking at, as if it were through their own perspective. Another popular technique that Hitchcock used was creating montages during his films, including a series of close up shots that were right in the actors and actresses faces. He would use cameras to almost pan around a character to capture every detail about them. For example, the opening scene of Rear Window includes shots of each person’s apartment, panning from one neighbor to the next. It would cross through each apartment, as if someone were looking around (using his own technique of creating a character's perspective) and then swing around to reveal Jeff. The camera followed Jeff’s leg starting from the foot and led all the way up past his wheelchair right up to his face.

Another interesting part about Alfred HItchcock’s films were his decisions when casting. A lot of times, he would work with one or two actors and use them in multiple of his films. He would initially grow a personal relationship with the people he was filming and directing, and then after growing fond of them, he would want to use them in another work of his. However, as much as he might have favored them and used them in his films, he didn’t necessarily think highly of them. There was one instance where he actually referred to his actors and actresses as cattle, because they needed a lot of direction. He tried to hire people that were easily manipulable, and could be as much of a blank slate as possible when working with him. That way, he could turn them into the characters as closely as possible, rather than interpreting the characters a certain way and acting in a way that Hitchcock didn’t like. Something interesting about his casting was that he almost always cast blonde females in his work. Even though it’s a completely ridiculous thing to think, he believed that blondes appeared less suspicious than brunettes did. For that same reason, when a blonde does something deceitful or unexpected, he thought it was a greater shock than when someone with dark-colored hair did the same exact thing. Although this is completely untrue, he believed this and it heavily impacted his casting for all of his films, just to increase the amount of suspense or shock that he wanted to capture for the audience.

In this particular film, L.B. Jeffries was played by James Stewart, better known as Jimmy Stewart. He was in multiple Hitchcock films, including Vertigo, The Man Who Knew Too Much, and Rope. But, one of his most famous films that he was in is still regularly watched during the Christmas season - It’s a Wonderful Life. Lisa is played by Grace Kelly, who was also in To Catch a Thief, Dial M for Murder, and Terror in the Aisles, all creted by Hitchcock. Stella, the nurse, is played by Thelma Ritter. Despite being a famous actor during the time, this was the only film that she was cast in directed by Alfred Hitchcock. As you can see, there is a pattern as to whom Alfred Hitchcock wanted to work with. Rear Window is only a small inside look to how often Alfred HItchcock actually used the same actors and actresses in numerous films of his.

Alfred Hitchcock focused some of his films on the idea of voyeurism, which is the desire or behavior to observe people. Typically this would be used in the context of spying on people undressing or being naked, but this wasn’t the particular case in Rear Window, as Jeff was just spying on all of his neighbors in general. Voyeurism is a global issue, often seen in criminals who are either stalkers or pedophiles. Although Jeff’s instance is not nearly at this level, in the modern world we live in, it is a problem that unsuspecting people have endured. Voyeurism can be seen in a handful of Hitchcock’s films, but is the most apparent in this film. Jeff’s ability to “spy” on people provides him with entertainment while being held up in his home until his broken leg heals. Through this, he finds some satisfaction in finding out information about his neighbors that other people normally wouldn’t pick up on. However, there is some controversy as to whether Jeff is doing something illegal by spying on his neighbors or if he is simply observing his neighbors in the sense that he is a photographer looking for inspiration. The central idea of voyeurism in this instance isn’t to give Jeff pleasure, it’s to satisfy himself in being able to create his own entertainment.

Overall, I highly recommend this classic mystery-thriller to anyone that enjoys watching films. It takes you through a journey of emotions, between the collection of drama and suspense during the film. Alfred Hitchcock created an incredible, spine-tingling repertoire of work, but I believe that Rear Window was a breakthrough, beginning the peak of his career and exemplifying the themes of some of his most popular work.

VIDEOS:

https://youtu.be/m01YktiEZCw

https://youtu.be/j9lZRDAoecs

SOURCES:

Teachout, Terry. “The Trouble With Alfred Hitchcock.” Commentary, vol. 127, no. 2, Feb. 2009, pp. 43–46. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com.libserv-prd.bridgew.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=lfh&AN=37360095&site=eds-live.

Lawrence Howe. “Through the Looking Glass: Reflexivity, Reciprocality, and Defenestration in Hitchcock’s ‘Rear Window.’” College Literature, vol. 35, no. 1, Jan. 2008, pp. 16–37. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com.libserv-prd.bridgew.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edsjsr&AN=edsjsr.25115476&site=eds-live.

DeRosa, Steven. “Writing with Hitchcock: John Michael Hayes and the Making of Rear Window.” Worcester Review, vol. 38, no. 1/2, Jan. 2017, pp. 110–120. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com.libserv-prd.bridgew.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=lfh&AN=134934180&site=eds-live.

“Rear Window.” (1954) - Turner Classic Movies, Turner Classic Movies, 1 Jan. 1970, www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/87777/rear-window/#overview.

Mikulec, Sven. “'Rear Window': Hitchcock's Cinematic Exploration of Voyeurism Disguised as a Top-Notch Thriller • Cinephilia & Beyond.” Cinephilia & Beyond, 12 Nov. 2020, cinephiliabeyond.org/rear-window-hitchcocks-cinematic-exploration-voyeurism-disguised-top-notch-thriller/.

North, David. “Voyeurism and Subjective Understanding in ‘Rear Window.’” University of Chicago Philosophy Review, 17 Apr. 2019, ucpr.blog/2018/12/13/voyeurism-and-subjective-understanding-in-rear-window/comment-page-1/. 

[spiderman-spoilerman]

SPIDERMAN EXPOSED BECAUSE OF TAYLOR SWIFT ADDICTION: What Is Peter Parker to Spider-Man?

This shit that has been going on for months now has finally been solved. For the longest time I’ve been following Spider-Man oh so very closely, eager to find out his identity—not to expose it to the media vultures, oh no, our hero deserves more than that. But… to satisfy my own curiosity. He’s the only Avenger hiding his identity, you know? You’d think they’d be okay with it after all these other superheroes get to run around freely…

Anyway!

As you all know, countless names have been linked to Spider-Man. He seems close with Tony Stark, but that’s hardly relevant. There’ve been links to JD Slinger, the American Pop Singer, in a very poor attempt to sell records—you’re not Hannah Montana JD fucking Slinger! Stick to your trash music!!!

However untrue and disappointing Slinger’s attempt at fame is, he’s not the only one with musical elements that is linked to Spider-Man.

A few months ago, a viral video entering adorable and kind of pedos-get-the-fuck-out-of-here-territory circulated around the internet and into our nightly news, as does every baby goes viral video does. You can check it out on the link below for a good dose of endorphins.

[Link: Baby boy wants to be Taylor Swift, re-uploaded by djflash]

[Description: A six-year old boy is standing in the shower with a towel draped over his body like a makeshift cloak, he is clutching his tooth brush on and seems to be furiously lip syncing. The camera shakes as the person behind the camera stifles laughter.

May Parker, the original uploader and aunt of the then-toddler Peter, asks: Aren’t you tired Peter? From all the singing? You’ve been singing for two hours. Aren’t you cold?

Peter is intensely staring at the mirror as he lip-syncs but pauses to look at May. He says in a tired and raspy voice: Yeah, but, but my fans! I need to sing, Auntie May, for the fa— [looking harried] DROP EVERYTHING NOW, MEET ME IN THE POURING RAIN—

The sound of Peter singing is drowned by May’s scream as Peter falls on his butt, having jumped with his passion for the song, and tripping.

It cuts off with May laughing while taking Peter in her arms, phone capturing her picking him up and hearing Peter crying as he tries to get back to the mirror: It—doesn’t hurt May. Need to get back—my! My concert!

Video ends]

Now how does a viral video of a baby Taylor Swift fan connect to Spider-Man?

Well, May Parker posted it on Facebook when Flash Thompson, who claims to be a good friend of Peter Parker (although I highly doubt this, he’s only in it for the clout and Spider-Man’s love, click here for more on Flash), decided to share it to everyone. One of his reposts on Twitter propelled it to viral success.

Weeks later, May Parker decided to bless us again with more content by taking a video of her now teenage (17 years old—PEDO’S STAY AWAY) nephew singing, once again, a Taylor Swift song.

[Link: I’m so glad im seventeen and can properly thirst upon this wonderful hooman]

[Description: They are in the kitchen this time and May Parker is being discreet with her video-taking. A Taylor Swift song ends softly from his phone’s tiny speakers. A Spotify ad interrupts but the video cuts it off two seconds later for another Taylor Swift song to filter in.

We take in the scenario. Peter is in his pyjamas, shaking his booty while singing Stay Stay Stay. He flourishes his hands a few times, dramatizing, “That’s when you came in wearing a football helmet, and I said, [he changes voices] “Okay, let’s talk” [he finishes one pancake and pours a new batter in before using the ladle as a microphone, as if in anticipation for the moment, and, back bent, face scrunched up, belts: STAYSTAYSTAY I’ve b EEN LUH-VING YOU FOR QUITE SOME TIME- TI-HIME! YOU THINK THAT ITS FUNNEH WHEN I’M—OH MAN, I spilled batter on my shirt!”

The camera shakes with May’s silent laughter. Peter does not seem to notice. He looks side to side, almost as if he is looking for something to wipe the batter with, but there are no paper towels in sight and his shirt is dripping with the excess batter the size of his fist.

In the most compelling, and understandable, moment of decision making, Peter has chosen not to be responsible and strips instead, to the utter delight of seventeen-year old’s in the world (and ONLY those younger than that! Pedos, I swear to god, if I see you, I kill you, that last blog was the last time you make me burn my eyes!)—a wonderful set of abs and toned muscles you would not expect from a seventeen year old boy singing to Taylor Swift with the squeakiest voice in the world.  Adorable. Ten points for my good boy ranks.

The video ends with Peter staring further at the shirt and licking at the batter before it violently cuts off to the roaring laughter of one May Parker]

It is peculiar, to watch May navigate the wonders of technology, too, because the first video was on her Facebook years unnoticed before Flash Thompson unearthed it for the world to see (Mr. Thompson, what exactly were your intentions going through a beautiful May Parker’s Facebook pictures?). But this time, she also apparently intended to send it to Peter’s friend’s Instagram account. However, the fluke came when she posted it and tagged them instead.

People who have followed her upon the first viral video have now decided it to be God’s work to distribute the video, making it viral within days. The very same people were the ones who noticed that Peter Parker’s singing style is the very same as Spider-Man’s.

I hear you gasp. Well, of course. I spit my tea as well, when I realized it too.

See, unless you were living under a rock, about a year ago, Spider-Man was exposed as a Taylor Swift fan when he saved a ten year old girl and began teaching her about the History and Influence of Swift’s discography and career, before proceeding to sing with her the hit song Speak Now. All of it was caught on camera, of course.

The people who spread this new video started a conspiracy theory that Spider-Man and Peter Parker are very similar people. One user @finn-man-the-aquaman pointed out that Spider-Man and Peter Parker’s voice are very similar. Another user @maxine_and_spider-man compared the dance moves from the two videos, putting frames of each steps beside each other, and found that it was so uncannily similar that it couldn’t have been a coincidence. It was an interesting point to make, because both Peter and Spider-Man had particular steps, all seemingly on a whim, but also matching each other perfectly. They are by no means good dancers, God no, but their whimsical dancing looks like two bad dancers following one choreography, couldn’t follow it technically but committed to it emotionally.

Twitter user @emiliar summarized it the best: the chest pump, the feet extension, the little jig, and the butt shake, before leaning backward and singing at the height of their emotions— apparently this is a common dance choreography?

To which @pissshitcry responded with a video that would bring us the wonderful breakthrough that I’ve been walking you all through.

[VIDEO uploaded by spidermansavedmetwice]

[Caption by @pissshitcry: No. Apparently: ]

[Video Description: Spider-Man is swinging through the buildings before stopping by Midtown High School, in front of a harried looking student, screaming frantically, and this is it folks: CAN YOU GIVE THIS TO NED LEEDS, TELL HIM SPIDER-MAN THANKS HIS FRIEND PETER! tHANKS! Before zipping away

Video ended]

Now. Okay. I know, calm down guys, I’m trying so hard not to run up the hills and do an Irish Jig, because I am so, so, so excited about all these new revelations! Nobody has quite documented this, too, so people, watch out for more of my content in a few weeks.

SO! Implication one: Spider-Man knows Ned Leeds.

Implication two: Peter Parker helped Spider-Man somehow.

Implication three: Spider-Man knows Peter Parker.

Cut, do it again, but with more emotions: SPIDER-MAN KNOWS PETER PARKER.

Let’s zoom back to a few weeks after the viral hits and Taylor Swift posts a video of her watching the video and then saying into the camera, with that iconic red lipstick and perfectly sculpted eyebrows: I have never thought this would be something that will happen to me in my career ever, but seeing a super-hero sing praises about me and teaching my [and she quotes from Spider-Man’s erratic explanation about her history] “unattainable song-writing prowess equal to that of the rock singing legends of ye old—” really does bring a smile to my face! More than that, Peter Parker is an absolute cutie too! He looks like such a sweetheart, baking those pancakes, apparently, for her aunt? Be sweet to your aunts guys! But also. I came here to cordially invite both Spider-Man and Peter Parker to come out to my concert in New York in two weeks! I’ll be there May 25th at the Lincoln Center, and maybe we can all sing together!”

She ends the video with the iconic Spider-Man wrist flip. The video has been circulated and has now gained over an estimated 100 million views.

It sparked a buzz of interest among the people, Peter Parker having received much of the spotlight. He hasn’t said anything in relation to Spider-Man but had reluctantly agreed to go to Swift’s invite. And I cannot emphasize the reluctant part. Kid looked so uncomfortable, but maybe he’s just shy!

Okay. Now, this thing is the most glaring indicator of what I will be telling you. The night of the concert. Everyone is there for Swift, but everyone is also there waiting for the much-awaited Spider-Man and Peter Parker saga. Halfway into her song list, Taylor Swift stopped to talk. The time has come.

Peter Parker walks into the stage, and the crowd welcomes him with adoring cheers, similar to Swift’s entrance herself. She introduces him, even though she absolutely does not need to, and the people scream their approval.

When Swift gives him his own mic, he almost drops it before catching it with his incredible reflexes. Swift calls for Spider-Man to reveal himself, much to the delight of the crowd, chanting his name as if it was a concert for him, which, in many ways, it kind of was. However, Spider-Man didn’t appear after that and the duo had to continue on.

It was a cute performance, with Parker stumbling a few times before getting the groove with Swift and belting it out as well. Everyone joins in on them singing and enjoying her old songs, Swift smiling and laughing the whole time.

Peter leaves the stage Spider-Man plushies and roses thrown for him, to which he received with a graceful bow. Swift resumes her concert after a few hearty jokes thrown in—but wait! What’s that?!

A screaming insect crashes at one of the large LED walls at the stage and the camera [and the collective crowd] is surprised to see the superhero—SPIDER-MAN!

“Ehehehe, hello Miss Taylor Swift, Ma’am!” He says, in a particularly deeper voice. Autotune? Before they sing it out, as they would—Swift laughing, and Spider-Man trying—Spider-Man explains that he was nervous meeting Peter Parker, before scrambling to correct that it was Swift he was nervous about meeting.

Swift then teases Spider-Man about a potential crush, which.

BRINGS US TO MY BREAKTHROUGH POINT.

TAYLOR SWIFT WAS ABOUT TO BRING US THE GAY COUPLE OF THE CENTURY, BUT SPIDER-MAN WAS TOO CHICKEN TO GET TO IT.

Okay, alright, I hate pedos, and we don’t exactly know Spider-Man’s age but we do know that he’s very young, what with all the pop culture references he’s been dropping with the intuition of an internet native. So, he’s young, alright? Possibly Gen-Z, even. Here’s a post you can see about his age analysis.

SPIDER-MAN. HAS. A. CRUSH. ON. PETER. PARKER.

[Insert hand chopping movements]

AND THEY ALMOST HAD A CUTE MOMENT ON STAGE HAD SPIDER-MAN BRAVED IT THROUGH.

PETER PARKER, AND I MEAN, PETER PARKER! SPIDER-MAN HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!

We’ve established that Spider-Man knows Peter Parker. They’ve met. Peter has possibly helped, or even saved Spider-Man himself. Now, saving a superhero is something that not just anybody does. And Parker himself is a student at Midtown Science High—he’s a smart kid! And seeing as these events just happened months apart, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to imagine them meeting again, perhaps, with Parker making pancakes in dewy mornings, and a tired (and yearning) Spider-Man is watching from the windows as Peter dances along to Swift’s songs.

The watching from the windows theory and thus getting to know the choreography might not be so creepy if you factor in the fact that Spider-Man might be hiding his crush for Parker’s safety!

It is like the modern incarnation of Super-Hero romance, only now, its more inclusive! To exist in such a beautiful world, and to watch such an innocent tale bloom in this cruel, cruel world. We could only hope to see more of them together, maybe as something... more?

--

COMMENTS:

reblogged by thunderstrike: this is like someone trying to overanalyze twilight for some depth—THERE ISN’T ONE!

thunderstrike reblogged by spidahmanna: come on, give them some credit at least for recounting the most batshit insane crossover in the universe as we know it so far

reblogged by skdfas: this person needs help, but very entertaining to read

reblogged by nedleads: oH MY GOD 

reblogged by kliyon: new ship, age appropriate Spider-Man x Peter Parker

reblogged by ekeke: um yes, i need a dash of meet-cute with one cup of flavored angst—soda please, I like it to hurt— large fluff, a BFF serving of some of them yearning, and a happy sad-meal for one please.

reblogged by unaunann: im done with this site, who wants to burn the internet with me?

3, 000 reblogs in 1 day

--

 Tony, reading the blog: Hmmm…

[Later]

Tony: Okay so I read this blog and I have remedied it.

Peter: Oh my god thankyoumisterstark I swear I didn’t mean to—

Tony: You are now the biggest shareholder for Spotify because I know you don’t want me to pay for a premium account, but if you’re gonna listen to those damn ads while singing to Taylor Swift, at least earn from it, you know?

Peter: …that’s what you took from the whole thing?

--

NEXT ARTICLE: The Avengers film a parody of Queen’s I Want To Break Free. Is Captain America is as beautiful as Rogerina, or is he too buff??? Tony Stark is an iconic drama queen, perfect for Freddie Mercury, and more!

[virtchandmoir]

How do Canadian Olympians make a career off a gold medal? Social Sharing

The secret to turning a moment on the field of play into a successful, post-athletic career

September 4, 2019

Ice dancer Tessa Virtue is one of Canada's most successful athletes both on and off the ice.  (Geoff Robins/The Canadian Press)

Jon Montgomery walking through Whistler, B.C., with a pitch of beer in hand. Mark McMorris stepping onto the Olympic podium, just weeks after breaking a rib. Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir sticking a final pose, proving a picture-perfect long program does exist.

The common ground? These Canadian Olympic moments transformed into careers off the field of play.

Montgomery now hosts a TV show. Virtue and McMorris cashed in with a plethora of sponsorship and business deals.

But what about the hundreds of other Canadian Olympians? In today's climate, where social media and sponsorship opportunities have skyrocketed, how does an athlete cash in on a medal, particularly gold?

It seems that making that happen starts well before the Games begin.

"Storytelling is the currency of the Games," says Russell Reimer, president of Manifesto Sport Management, a company that manages Olympic, professional, and action sports athletes amongst other branding and content ventures. "In the same way you would put in all the time, mostly in anonymity, to train for your sport, you also have to put that level of care and time into what it is you want to become and telling your story going into the Games."

Virtue with Canadian athlete agent Russell Reimer. 

Secrets to developing post-athletic success

Reimer's company represents several of the most successful Canadian Olympians — names like Virtue, McMorris, Montgomery, hockey player Hayley Wickenheiser and sprinter Aaron Brown.

Before founding Manifesto, Reimer was a producer with NBC at the Sydney and Salt Lake City Olympics. There he noticed all athletes faced the same challenges of cyclical interest, partners that weren't committed and marketing rights that fell into increasingly narrow windows.

It's the same issues most athletes face today.

He also noticed the untapped business of bridging an athlete's story and marketing opportunities. And since all Olympians are there to win medals, it's what an athlete stands for that separates them from the crowd and makes them attractive to sponsors.

"I think from an Olympic perspective you get to tap into a more emotional connection than you maybe could with other sports," says Matt McGlyyn, vice president of brand marketing at Royal Bank of Canada [RBC], a Canadian national team sponsor since 1947.

"Performance always goes up and down, but we always stay focused on athletes that have a strong and organic connection to our brand."

Building a sellable brand is a big ask from athletes, considering they're already working to be among the best in the world at their sport.

But so is every other athlete.

"Zero times an Olympic gold medal is zero," Reimer says. "You should have no expectation of a commercial outcome if you aren't willing to do the work and storytelling…before the Games."

Of course, there are outliers. Think Penny Oleksiak or Andre De Grasse; two relatively unknown Canadians who turned Olympic performances into immediate success after the 2016 Rio Olympics. Both are Canadian red carpet staples with brand partnerships relevant to their sports — Vichy Canada for Oleksiak and Puma for De Grasse.

But coming into a Games with a defined mission statement, or being shrewd enough to capitalize on the attention is how a pitcher of beer multiplies a skeleton gold medal into a hosting gig on national TV.

"All you have to do is ask yourself a tough question about why [you're doing this], what your deepest motivation was," Reimer says. "And if you say something compelling in the moment you have Canada's attention, the United States' attention. You have created yourself a commercial and career opportunity."

McMorris set the tone, Virtue doing it best

Take McMorris for example.

"He's had a camera with him since he was eight years old," Reimer says of the Canadian snowboarder. "And we were able to tell really great stories about Mark and we took the time to construct a real critical path of content going into the 2014 Games."

McMorris was also a trailblazer in social media. He was named most socially engaged Olympian at Sochi 2014 by the Sport Business Journal and Hookit, a sport sponsorship analytics platform.

It didn't hurt that McMorris has won enough X Games medals to be compared with American legend Shaun White. But when the comparison happened, McMorris' story and content were primed and ready for when people Googled his name.

But right now, Reimer says the Canadian athlete doing it best is Virtue, now a figure skating legend.

"When you see the transition she's made, it's really a massive leap — a leap that hasn't taken place in Canada from success on ice or snow to commercial success," he says.

Since competing in her final Olympic Games in 2018, Virtue's personal brand has aligned with endless high-profile companies: Nivea, Adidas, and MAC Cosmetics to name a few. She's appeared on shows like Mr. D and MasterChef Canada. Rock The Rink, a skating exhibition, starts its Canadian tour this fall with Virtue at the centre of the show.

All this happened post-Pyeongchang, her third and final Olympic cycle, and arguably, her most successful.

"I was clear about my mission," Virtue said. "And my goal was not to be a well-known figure in Pyeongchang, my goal was to be the best ice dancer in the world."

That meant turning down sponsorship and media opportunities to focus on training. But Virtue found an effective way to stay visible and tell her story: Instagram.

Virtue wasn't even on the app in Sochi 2014: her first post was the following summer. But through videos of practices and choreography sessions, alongside thoughtfully curated posts reflecting her personal and professional mission statements, Virtue built a following that grew by more than 200 per cent in Pyeongchang.

Virtue wants all her business relationships and ventures to reflect her bottom line, which is inspiring young girls and women while fostering a supportive network where  people can strive to be the best versions of themselves.

"There's no easy way to the top of anything, but it's a lot of hard work and I feel maybe I have the confidence in that recipe, or the confidence in myself," Virtue says. "So maybe it's an investment in myself and getting back to authenticity, just trusting in my story and who I am to the core."

And that all comes down to what Reimer says is the bottom line.

"She's the model for how you build enduring appeal… What matters is the story."

—CBC Sports

[versuswhitescar]

Malam Manor

We all grow up with that once upon a time, crap. When you're little, you believe it. Who believes it as an adult? I mean, really? We have smartphones, rumbas, and clap on lights. No one meets a 17-year-old vampire who supposed to be 52. But I have, and I found his tapes by accident. Now I'm living a filliping ounce upon a time that Anne Rice would drool over. If I don't find the f-ing cave his sister is trapped in, I'm going to be enjoying a lot less sunlight for damn sure.

I know if I could figure out the details, I'll find the cave. And the murderer and maybe be spared, or I fail, and I'm the next Elena Gilbert. I sure hope not.

I'm just a damn tutor who needs money for her master's degree. Why did I even think that posting a flyer online was a good idea? Hell, my only tinder date turned out to be a 300 lb guy catfishing for a date to his sister's wedding. I stupidly, no innocently thought I'd get some pimply high school sophomore struggling through R and J and Shakespeare word salad.

Man, was I wrong? Mr. Cain Haywater answered my ad. Normal name for an average guy, right? Well, who the hell names their kid after the first murder in the Bible, but I'm getting off track. My ancient 98 jeep with more rust than metal is not going up the hill to the "Malam Manor." Later I Google it and turns out the word is Latin for bad. I should have asked Siri sooner. Too late, Cain Haywater a ward of the state. Because he's 17 and wicked rich is paying me 50 bucks an hour to help write his family's history.

This house is unusual in ways I can't even begin to describe. Its windows seem to follow you like eyes while I rev up the circle drive. The brick looks like it's from out of the Hogwarts rejection pile. The height makes it at least three floors, and there's a damn covered entry that carriages pulled under in the 19th century. Besides the semi-creepy outsides, even though it looks well maintained, I'm coming here close to 9 pm. Ounce, the sun is down on the hottest July night in history. I should have done a business major instead of English lit. Follow your bliss, my mom said. What does she know she's a nail tech for the last 12 years. She probably has brain damage from the polish fumes.

I can't imagine anyone hears my lame knock at the gigantic door. But I swear to God it seems like a cat or something opened the door. I thought maybe the heat melted my brain, but it looked like a fuzzy ken doll. It darted behind a curtain. Before I could investigate Cain, hold my breath beautiful, Haywater stands ten feet in front of me in his large foyer in black jeans, skin-tight grey shirt with a badass blue tattoo that seems to have a deep center that radiates over his forearm. I'm shook in so many ways I can barely speak "Nyx, Nyx Jackson?" My name never sounded so smooth coming out of any humans mouth ever. That was when my brain should have clicked over to reality that he wasn't human. He hadn't been human since 1989.

Sadly only 2 hours into my best tutoring gig ever, I discovered Cain Haywater was indeed a real vampire. And his beloved twin sister Danielle, Dani, as he referred to her, was just as dead only traped in a watery caved transformed into a rusalka for the last 34 years. I was Cains's last chance at finding her cave and the wort boyfriend a girl could ask for. Jefferson Granton. A 200-year-old vampire that he needed to kill. My life wasn't fair and only made worse by the fact that I'm sure I'm going to fail, and my last meal was crappy ramen.

It was my stomach and too much curiosity that made me start playing with the vintage tape recorder Cain had on the black walnut desk. He heard my growling belly and while he searched for food. I pressed play. Big mistake, I'm not sure where he went to kill the food, but I listened to almost one side of a cassette tape. The quick spark notes, once he came back with cheese, apples, and fancy crackers to catch me, went fast.  

Back in May of 1986, he and his twin sister were graduating from Xaiver highschool. Somehow she latched on to an older college guy that wandered into town on a semester off to find himself. Jefferson Granton was mesmerizing, according to Cain, tall blond lovely to look at and even more interesting to listen to. He swept naive Danni off her feet on a cross country trip. He had a long term plan. One he had been cooking up for at least 100 years when Cain's family made a fortune in lumber and now stocks.

Jeffy boy started life as Jacarde Gulomar in the Brittany region of France. He accepted the gift of eternal life from a Norse vampire who wanted a mate. Jeff never entirely made his fortune and became a bad luck symbol for the covens all over Europe. Eyes on the new country to the west, he hopped a ship and arrived to wonder the grandness of the US just after the civil war. Comming upon early decedents of the Haywater clan. William Percy Haywater knew the deal equipped each member of the family with a hawthorn stake, holy water, and a warning against a freshly minted newly named Jefferson Granton.

No one fell for him until Danni, with all her beauty and openness, fell in love, and became a target for her trust fund. By the time the twins were 17, their parents were dead at the fate of a drunk driver, and a deaf Aunt looks after them. Danni fell under Jefferson's spell forgetting all caution to follow to the whispering cave. Now oddly in the middle of the mind-melting story, a flash caught my eye, and I met the grandfather like ken doll Cain shared his mansion with.

Pere was a domavoy who kept Cain and Malan safe as much as he could. Cain respects and adored him, so I was polite. Over the next three weeks, I moved in search their land every day when Cain joins me and feasts on Pere's cooking skills. His little face sparkled at each new dish he made for me after decades of blood bags. On steamy Saturday, July 31st, I finally found, or more fell into the mouth of the cave. Much of Cain's memory was erased on the night he watched Jefferson murder Danni while he hogtied in the corner of the damp cave. Only to meet a fate worse than Danni by forcefully being turned and compelled to kill and drain his Aunt of all her blood. Jefferson helps smooth it all over with some compulsion and tricks, but Cain secured his wealth in the next few days only to vanish. He picked a small fishing village in Maine, where he met Gabriel 100-year-old vampire who taught him to live and gave him advice on how to avenge Danni. Gabriel's plan centered on Cain coming home as his namesake's son Cain Haywater II. The mansion and his tie to Danni or Cain's greatest strength. It was clear why Jefferson failed to control them.

The night I stumbled into the cave, I wore my Danni look-alike costume Pere helped me pull together. I looked like a backup dancer on a Wham video. It was. It was to trick Jefferson, but oddly I caught the attention of another creepy creature a leshii in the woods. I thought it was Cain because the voice fit, and I felt drawn to the being. Only when it had led me halfway across the land did I catch a glimpse of its eyes. Pure white scalaris was not a hint of iris or pupil. Taking off back towards the cave, I felt two forces moving me one I can now sense with Cain, and the other I was damn sure was Jefferson. He'd been down a rough road probably because, in life, he was a bit of a narcissist. Only to have that enhanced by his Vampire Life, he thought I was Danni, and he'd Follow Me to Hell to get that money. Once we made it to the rippling silver pond within the cave, I laid eyes on Daniella. My wham costume was a joke compared to her beauty.

She swept as close to us as possible, shouting silently in my brain to turn now. Cain stands between me and Jefferson stake in hand slowly I fell to the wash of a cool breeze flowing over us which I knew mixed with my warm body temp to engulf Cain it was in that moment I saw the vague outline of a man just like he left a speakeasy in 1926. He became more gas-like to almost solid, yet I could still see right through him. He is handsome except for that visible gunshot wound to his right Temple. Why was I surprised that we now have a ghost to add to the mix. Pere spoke of the cave as whispered he claimed someone took their life after the 1920 stock crash here he was with eyes for Danni.

The extraordinary power Cain had wasn't just his home or his connection to his twin. It was that he could feel loved. He survived and lived by keeping his Humanity. I saw beautiful sparkling Jefferson with his flowing blonde hair realize it too. Cains power made the cave hum Jefferson was cocky, and that was very clear. He charged expecting to deflect the steak easily, but with Danni's strength and God help me my feelings for Cain. He drove the stake straight and true into Jefferson's lean chest.

Before I can blink Cain without a blade from his boot and with incredible strength severed the head like clockwork Cain without a new Zippo lighter and flicked it on to Jeffy. Making a roaring vampire candle. Can quickly turn to glance behind making a connection with Danni. "find your bliss" I heard in my head, and I knew Cain heard it too. The 1920s gentleman back into Danni as they drifted further back into the cave. We're only water held the floor we stood still.   "Nyx?" his velvet voice floated over me. I can only gape open mouth, watery eyes, and some snot beginning to flow. At that moment, my stomach rumbled loudly. He smiled a genuinely genuine smile with all the years that he waited. I knew without any doubt Cain Haywater would be in my future Tech probably my whole life, and I smiled too.

Let me know what you think and If you want more 

[elejah-wonderland]

Always/8

Fanfiction

Part 8

Elijah Mikaelson x reader/Elena Gilbert

ft Klaroline, and Stebekah

AU TVD/TO story

a/n: thanks so much for reading and liking. xoxo I sooo appreciate it. 😘😘😘

Summary: Y/N/E was attacked and after it she was in a coma for a year. As she woke up she finds she is married to Elijah Mikaelson. 

tags @rissyrapp20 @dendrite-lover @cassienoble2000 @captainshurley @goddessofthunder112 @elejahforever @hides2000

___________

Stefan Salvatore arrived late at the Ball and looked now for his brother and his sister-in-law. Coming from the hallway, Rebekah now stumbled upon him and stood in front of him like he was a being out of space.

"Hello-how are you? Rebekah Mikaelson?"-Stefan said. "Yes. That's me. Oh, Dr Salvatore-"

"Stefan. Just call me Stefan"- he said.

"Right, Stefan"- Rebekah said and quickly switched back to the hostess mode-"If you are looking for your brother, well, they are with Mrs Lockwood- she wants to get one of them interested in one of the projects."

"Thank you"- Stefan said-"I hope you will have time to spare a dance later?"

This was not something Rebekah had expected. The way he said it was warm and sweet.

"I will- spare a dance?!"- she said somewhat clumsily. It was rare that someone shook her to the core in just a second. She had met him that once as she went to visit Y/NE with Elijah. She looked him disappear in the crowd smiling.

Y/N/E and Elijah mixed with many acquintences, who they knew through work and Elena's art circle. Nearly all of them were happy seeing Y/N/E well, but to Y/N/E, it all seemed false. She had, nevertheless found everything quite enlightening. One thing was sure, and it was her enjoying dancing even though it was quite elaborate in the gown she was wearing. "I can't imagine having to wear this kind of clothes every day"- she said to Caroline as they sat down for a little break as Mrs Lockwood presented the good work their organization had done in the previous year, as well as the projects to come.

"The corset is killing me"- Caroline admitted.

Both women laughed a little.

"When I said to my colleagues that it is not just a Ball, I didn't believe them. I organized parties- but this is another level "- Caroline said. "I guess, it's Rebekah. What I found out about her, nothing is done half-way."- Y/N/E said. "Well, I get that now. Explains Klaus so much"- Caroline added looking at Klaus who was conversing with one of his clients.

Y/N/E noticed Caroline's dreamy look and said- "It's like they have this magic that compels you straight away" "Ha?"- Caroline turned to Y/N/E getting out of her momentary daze. "The way you looked at Klaus just now. Something draws you to him and you can't help yourself. I remember when they told me about Elijah when I got out of my coma, about who he was to me, and when I saw him- this man is my husband-really? Even though I didn't quite understand straight away what it meant. And everyday, I was looking forward to seeing him."

"I just know him for a few weeks, and, yeah, there is something magical"- Caroline admitted-"but at the same time feels like -wow-isn't all this a bit too fast- I don't want to get burnt. I got burnt before, not once- I went too fast in with my heart"

"Love is about the heart though"- Y/N/E said.

Caroline looked at Y/N/E and then at Klaus who was now coming their way. Whatever it will be she would at least have fun this evening and let her heart aside for the moment.

Everyone was asked to find their partners as another set of dancing would commence.

Stefan now found Rebekah politely holding his hand out for the dance. She silently took it and they walked towards the dance floor. Her heart flattering as they swayed to the song.                          

I close my eyes and there in the shadows I see your light You come to me out of my dreams across the night

Caroline avoided Klaus' gaze as if making sure she would not fall under his spell. Klaus, on the other hand sucumbed to her charms letting himself be bewitched.

Sophie found Kol on the terrace. He looked completely shattered. The Ball was another dark reminder of everything that was haunting him. Sophie brushed his cheek lightly with her hand. He looked at her with eyes clearly showing despair. "I love you and everything will be right again"- she reasurred him. "I don't deserve you"- Kol said-"I don't know what you see. I am such a screw up"

"You have a good heart even though it gets lost from time to time"- Sophie said.

Kol now embraced his firmly wife kissing her on the head.

And Y/N/E and Elijah were sitting this one out as Y/N/E felt a bit faint as they walked to the dance area. Elijah urged them to leave, but Y/N/E said that it wasn't that bad. She was even checked by Bonnie and she said that her blood pressure was slightly high, but there was nothing alarming.

"Please go dance. I am fine. I will take my medicine and I will be ok."- Y/N/E said to Bonnie.

"But if this persist and you continue to feel faint- you will need to go to the nearest ER"- Bonnie said.

"I think we should go"- Elijah said.

"No. It is nothing. Please, don't fuss. I am having a great time."- Y/N/E said-"I just felt slightly dizzy. I was like this the other day and then I was fine, and nothing happened. Even at the check-up they said this could happen and I was to sit it out."

She took Elijah's hand and then said-"I love this song. It is a bit ott but - it just made me feel like - how about we renew our vows"

He was stunned at this comment.

"For always"- Y/N/E said as she listened to the refrain.

"What brought this on?"- Elijah now said.

"Everything"- Y/N/E said.

"What-? Do you remember?"-

"A moment ago - I had this glimpse- when I spoke to Caroline-"

"A glimpse?"-Elijah was happy.

"I am not sure- maybe I have imagined it- but we are at the gazebo - I have a blue flower in my hair"

Since they had no photos and Elijah didn't detail all of what she wore that day.

"It was not a flower"- Elijah said-"I don't know what it really was - but it was blue. You had to have something blue- OMG- you remembered something!"-

"I did- I want to go down to Mystic Falls. I need to see this place. Dr Salvatore's exercises helped!"- Y/N/E was happy.

It was a great breakthrough. They both revelled in it. Finally, things were moving in the right direction.

Elijah leaned over to her and gave her a little peck-"And I like this thing with renewing our vows"- he said-"for always"

Mikael came up to them apologizing for the interuption, but he needed Elijah's assistance on a business matter. And as a financial adviser Elijah was the man he would trust. Reluctuntly, Elijah agreed and left with his father, but not before he made certain Y/N/E was ok with it.

"Sure. There, Sophie will watch over me, not that I need watching"- Y/N/E said.

Sophie asked what it was about, but Y/N/E didn't want to go on about it and asked why she was not dancing. "Kol is not much of a dancer"- Sophie replied. And then their conversation focused on Rebekah and the fact that she was having a great time with Srefan. "I think he could be the one"- Y/N/E said.

"Really- why do you thibk so?"- Sophie continued.

"He is pretty calm and Rebekah is boisterous- but that's maybe a crazy observation"- Y/N/E then said-"even though they all wear masks- somehow they can't hide the twinkle in their eyes."

"Yeah- "- Sophie said pensively.

Y/N/E drew a long breath and then stood up telling Sophie she was going to the bathroom. Sophie offered to accompany her but Y/N/E said that she didn't need to be chaperoned. She felt she needed some fresh air and went to the terrace.

She got to the edge and gazed into the bright city lights listening to the constant buzz of the traffic.

"This is where you are hiding?!"- a man behind her said taking his mask off.

Y/N/E turned around and recognizing the man from the photo Vicky showed her said-"Mason?"

"Yeah-"- Mason said-"You look good as ever. I am glad you're better."

"Not completely, but I'm getting there. Wish I can turn back time"-Y/N/E said.

"Oh, yeah-I wish we can turn back time"- Mason now took a step towards her and Y/N/E stepped back, but Mason now pulled her swiftly to him and kissed her. She pushed him away looking at him astound-

"What are you doing??"

"Come on-you always had time for me, married or not"- Mason shot back.

"What??"- Y/N/E said in panic-"Not true"

"Don't give me that"- Mason continued-"you were such free person- look what the Mikaelsons have done to you-"

"Done to me? You are mad. I am not listening to this"- Y/N/E now tried to rush away from the man, but got caught up in the gown and nearly fell.

"Run to the people who killed your brother and covered it up"- Mason spat in anger

Y/N/E turned around and stepped forward to him and slapped him.

"Yeah-slap me. They are the once needing a kick in the guts. They are masters of manipulating everything and everyone."

"Kol did not kill my brother!!"- Y/N/E shouted back.

"That's what yhey wanted you to think, but I have proof!"-

"What proof?"

"That he is still involved with the drugs and making deals tonight at this very Ball!"- Mason shot back at her.

"You're pathetic! Vicky told me about you. This is because I went to marry Elijah?!"

"Please-Maybe this will open your eyes about them"- Mason now took his phone out showing her a video of Kol offering a deal to one of very respectable business man.

"This is not true"- Y/N/E muttered-"this not true"- now holding her head with her hands feeling it pulsating as if it was to explode any minute.

The only thing she could hear was Mason saying -"This is very true. This is what the Mikaelsons are like" and seeing Elijah appearing heading straight for Mason punching him before she fell down blacking out.

___👔

Y/N/E's flashback

"Where is the money?"- shouted at Y/N/E as the other one grabbed hold of her with his arm around her neck.

"Take what you want. Here's my bag. Just don't hurt me please"- Y/N/E gasped looking horrified but thinking how she would kick the goon off. So she tried stomping with her heal on his foot and he screamed and Y/N/E thought she got free, but the other one got hold of her and now kicked her in the stomach. Y/N/E fell on the floor gasping for breath. He got hold of her hair now pulling it.

"This is not a game. We don't want your few bucks. Jeremy Gilbert double crossed us! So where is the money? And don't tell me you don't know. You were tight. You look after him. We know that! SO TALK!"

"I really don't know. Please-"

The man was getting really angry and now slapped her across the face as he pulled her up to sit down.

"Talk! That scum played us all". He slapped her again. Blood was now running out of her nose and mouth.

"I don't know-"- Y/N/E murmurred-

That only angered the man and now he punched her hard.

"That is what I remember"- Y/N/E said looking into nothing as Elijah held her hand wishing so hard this was not the memory that would float out first.

"I am sorry"- he said gently as he now put her hand on her chin making her head turn to face him. There was a numb look in her eyes and she then muttered-"I had a surprise for you that night"

Elijah thought her heart would explode as his knew she was going to mention the baby.

"I did a test that afternoon. I was pregnant"- she continued in her numb state.

Tears now streamed down his face and as he wiped them off with his palms he nodded-

"They told me. There was nothing they could do to save it"

The ER felt as cold as a tomb. There were people, doctors, nurses buzzing around, but the of them felt like the whole place emptied.

Rebekah who stood not far from the examination area, stood silent witnessing all that Y/N/E had said, cried as well. Klaus walked in putting his hands on his sister's shoulder nudged her a little to get ouy of there. "He needs me"- Rebekah said making Klaus move her arm off of her now-" I have gone through it with Elijah once before".

"They need all of us now"-Klaus said-"go and wash your face. Then find Kol. I don't know where both Sophie and him are not answering any of my calls. Can you do it?"

Rebekah nodded.

"Good. I have sorted things out with mother and father."- Klaus informed her.

"I should have known that Mason Lockwood would stir up shit"- Rebekah said.

"You know the Lockwoods. Arch enemies never sleep."- Klaus said.

"Caroline?"- Rebekah then asked.

"She left."- Klaus said shortly. It was clear that this was one subject he didn't want to discuss further.

Rebekah now took her phone and dialled Sophie. Klaus went into the examination area.

×👔××

Elsewhere, Kol went away from the Ball oblivious to Mason's clash with Elijah, sending a message to Sophie that he needed to slip away.

And Sophie left shortly after the message being a  nervous wreck eversince she found out he was doing the undercover job.

At home, she listened to all voice mails Klaus and Rebekah sent. Her heart was in turmoil, but she swore she would keep quite till it all ends.

She took her phone and sighed as she now pressed Rebekah's name on speedial.

"Yeah, Bex- huh, sorry- no. Kol is not here. I am home. We got -  we argued and he stormed out. He had one of his crazy moments. How is Y/N/E?"

"Why - what happened?"- Rebekah now mellowed a bit as previously she was not so pleasant as she picked up her phone.

"You know that he gets into this mood - after the prison. I deal didn't go the way he wanted- so I tried to calm him down and he just blew"- Sophie continued with the pretence.

Flashback A few hours before the Ball

"You have to keep your cool"- Kol said to Sophie kissing her on the forehead-"Rebekah had already picked up that you are not your happy self. She's been asking me questions if things are not r8ght with us. They can't know anything. She will tell Elijah, Klaus, too- and he would get involved and things could fold. I have to make things right."

" I hate all this lying. Rebekah is my best friend"- Sophie said.

"I shouldn't have told you either, but you are my strength and I just wouldn't be able to go through with it otherwise"- Kol said.

Sophie nodded in acknowledgement.

Rebekah and her soon finished the conversation. It was now about finding Kol. And he was i meeting the suppliers.

The FBI Agent, who picked up what went off with Mason and Y/N/E just before Elijah got to the terrace, managed to do some damage control, and took Mason away acting as a guy who just happened to be there to break up the fight between Elijah and Mason.

And so, all was just a brawl beteeen ywo men over a woman.

But Y/N/E had told Elijah about Mason showing her the footage about Kol's drug deal. And telling her that the Mikaelsons killed her brother- seeing Elijah punch Mason and the blood coming out of his nose- all of it brought her to the breaking point that was like a dark key unlocking her memory of the attack on her and everything else just stormed out. Although not completely. It left them shattered like a mirror smashed into pieces.

Y/N/E was released from the hospital after she was checked by Meredith and Stefan. Elijah took her home.

Both Klaus and Rebekah followed them. They didn't let Elijah alone, even though he reassured them he could manage. But Rebekah was not letting it be.

Klaus and Rebekah went to the kitchen as Elijah helped Y/N/E to bed. The siblings now discussed Kol and Sophie’s supposed fall out.

"She has been so edgy lately"- Rebekah remarked-"if they wete having problems why wouldn't she talk to me?"

"It's their marital stuff"- Klaus said-"maybe she thought you wouldn't get it"

"Seriously? We've always talked about Kol, even when they were dating. All the stuff they went through while he was on trial- please- there is somethung really odd going on here"- Rebekah then said.

Klaus took some beer out of the fridge and handed it over to her. "I need something stronger"- Rebekah said.

Elijah then appeared and they inquired how Y/N/E was doing.

"She’s asleep"- Elijah said  and added-"I need to talk to you two" It sounded ominous-

"Right"- Rebekah said-"but first- whiskey! I need it. This so doesn't sound good"

She went in the living room to the liquor cabinet.

"What is it?"- Klaus asked.

Elijah took the whiskey glasses from the cupboard and put ice in them saying-"It's Kol"

Rebekah walked back with the bottle and poured them a drink each-"What is with Kol?"- she slipped.

Elijah took a good sip of the drink before he told them that Mason was accusing Kol of dealing drugs.

"WHAT?"- both Klaus and Rebekah said simultaniously.

"Yeah"- Elijah confirmed taking another sip of the drink.

"Mason Lockwood would say anything -he hates us. You especially."- Rebekah said.

"Maybe-"-Klaus said, which made Elijah and Rebekah looking stunned at their brother.

"Do you know something?"- Elijah looked at Klaus infuriating.

"No!"- Klaus replied-"but- it makes me think. A few times he would get these calls and it would make him go all serious and he always walked away like he was hiding something- I don't know"

"Sophie and him had a bust up tonight."- Rebekah added.

"Now-well, she either knows or suspects - the puzzles fit the picture"- Klaus said.

"OMG! Please no!"- Rebekah said-"but why? He swore on Davina's grave he would never do it again. We were there!"

"It's Kol"- Elijah said-"it's like the devil gets inside of him and he loses it. You never know when he is going to flip. "

His siblings could not dispute that. As a boy, Kol was very mischiveous. As a teenager, very problematic, getting involved with drugs and very shady people. All through the college years until his girlfriend Davina O.D.ed That threw him. It was a wake up call and he stopped. Cut all his ties. Then met Sophie and hope of love, new life came in giving him the will to leave the past behind. And as Elijah started dating Y/N/E, he met Jeremy, who was no different from him as he got involved with the drug demons. Several times he looked out for Jeremy on his own accord. Same as the night before Jeremy was shot dead.

"When he gets home- and he will-I will go and confront him"- Klaus said.

" Oh, no. I want to be there"- Elijah said-"I want to see it in his eyes when he denies the truth!"

"You are way too pissed off and hurt and - to go there"- Rebekah shot at Elijah.

"This could cost me everything. My marriage- my life. I have already lost a child! My wife was more than a year in a vegetative state!"- Elijah burst out angrily.

"But that was not Kol's doing"- Klaus then said and Rebekah now stood up as she saw Elijah seeing red and on the verge of lashing out on his brother and her gown got caught up falling down awkwardly twisting her hand in the process.

It felt like that night had no ending. Subsequently Klaus then took her to the ER where it was concluded that she had a sprain.

Elijah, who stayed behind, received the message sitting on the balcony with the nearly empty bottle of whiskey lighting another cigarette as the sun appeared on the horizon.

×××××😘😘😘 Later that day

Y/N/E woke up feeling as if her whole body was bruised. She turned around and looked at Elijah's side of the bed. It was not slept in. And as if she was a robot she walked to the bathroom. There, she washed her face and as she wiped it of she looked at herself in the mirror. Almost all her memories were back. She had her life back, but she was not rejoicing. She sighed a little putting the towel away and now went on to brush her teeth. She heard her phone ringing, but she ignored it. She could not stand talking to anyone. When she finished freshening up, she went to look for Elijah, finding him on the balcony asleep. She saw the empty bottle and ashtray nearly full of cigarettes.

Y/N/E's flashback First few months after the wedding

"Are you hiding up here to smoke?"- Elena jokes as Elijah lit a cigarette.

"Just one"- Elijah said.

"I thought you're  a man of great will and character and you said you had beat this monster!"- Y/N/E stood there scolding him for still sneaking around to smoke.

"Ok, warden! Here done!"- Elijah put the cigarette down.

"I married you knowing all your demons and darkness- but- still- I know I am not perfect either-"

He interrupted her there enveloping her in his arms-"Oh, you're perfect. The rarest of flowers. My rarest flower of all and I can see that your nose is smelling my bad cigarette breath and not liking it"

"Well, I want to kiss you, but - huh- the cigarette taste- no- sorry. I'd rather kiss a frog"

"Ok, let me turn into one quickly. Stay here. I'll be right back" ***

Y/N/E now kissed him on the top of the forehead that made him move nearly jumping up.

"Y/N/E- is everythina all right?"

"Yes"- Y/N/E replied and then took the bottle and the ashtray away. He followed her apologizing for having drank too much as well as smoking.

Y/N/E didn't say anything and said that she was going to make coffee.

As she trailed away to the kitchen he stayed standing in the hallway wishing he had a magic wand and go back in time.

The breakfast went in silence. Y/N/E was absent-minded and he later wrote to Rebekah-

"I don't what is worse- her being locked up now with all her memories back or then when she couldn't remember anything"

"I think it is the loss of the baby that hit her hard. She so wanted to have baby"- Rebekah replied-"You got to talk to one another. What does her therapist say, come on. You two are what true love is about"

In the therapy session, Y/N/E revealed that she felt lost, that something was ripped inside of her, that she was not feeling herself anymore. That she wanted to curl up and sleep forever.

And then a few days after she came to a decision she now laid down to Elijah at breakfast.

"I got to go"

"Go? Where? Ok. Do you want to take time away from everything and go to the Hamptons? It's ok. Being away would do us good"- Elijah said.

"No. I need to go away on my own- I just- inside of me I have this knot here in my chest and - all rreminds me of that night- all the time"

Elijah felt like someone had kicked him in the gut really hard.

"On your own?"- he paused taking her hands in his and then continued-"we said we would weather any storm together, remember? Always!"

Y/N/E's eyes watered-"Yes, I remember"- and she kissed him and looked him straight in the eyes-"I need to find myself again, so I can come back to you"

"I don't understand this logic. I - just got you back. I love you"

"I love you, too- I do, but I need to- I just need to get away from here. I just have to. But we will talk every day. Elijah - I just need to- I everything is-"

"Where would you go?"

"I called Vicky. She is taking time off and I asked her if I could stay in her house "

It was done. She went to Bodega, California. And before she got into the taxi taking her to the airport she gave him a hug whispering-"Love you- Always!"

________

[monstaxnight]

Hi! I just found your blog and I've been reading through it these days. I'll say I can be kind of prudish but your posts are really interesting! I wanted to ask what do you like about/find attractive in each member?

Oh, anon. I could probably ramble on about this until the inevitable heat death of the universe begins to kill me off, so I’ll try to keep it somewhat succinct. hah, as if.

I had another anon ask me about my MX bias, which is a very messy, fluid and open state of affairs, so I’ll combine both of your questions into a what I love/bias about each member post.

It was Wonho who first attracted me to the group. There was something so… enticing and alluring about his Beautiful teaser pics, specifically the one where he’s lying in the milky bath and it’s shot from the wrong way up. Man… There was such intensity in his eyes, yet everything was still so delicate and gentle, and I was just like oh YES. So when I then aggressively looked deeper into the group, it was with finding out more about him as my main objective. But the others complicated that somewhat.

Shownu is so manly and perfectly made. There’s a real protective vibe about him. He gives off the impression he’d keep you safe, that he’d never let you down. He’s an effortless dancing!king with such a natural and compelling sexiness to the way he moves. He always stikes me as such a dilligent and reliable leader and is clearly such a good influence on the rest of the group. The more I learned about him, the more I realised he has a surprisingly quick and dry humour, too. And I’ll always stan dry humour.

I remember watching that video where members took turns wearing headphones and the others shared thoughts about them, and when it was Minhyuk’s turn, one of the members said something like: ‘he’s so hyper and talktative all the time. I’ve never met anyone who talks like him. I remember thinking that when he’s sad or contemplative he’ll surely shut up. But I think that only makes him worse.’ and I was wrecked by Minhyuk so hard in that moment. He’s so funny and real, there’s always this suppressed deviacny in his eyes that makes me hot and bothered wish I knew him irl. I bet he’d be fun annoying af. He’s also woefully underrated as a vocal and dancer, and being someone who hates injustice, that makes me stan. I also very much appreciate his ruthless commentary on life and the people he supposedly likes.

Kihyun reminds me of someone very dear to me irl. He has this pride, self-confidence and man-i-srsly-cbf-wif-ur-shit-ness that I love in people. He really knows his worth, knows his voice is the absolute shit, and isn’t afraid of people knowing that he thinks highly of himself. I find that attitude so refreshing. He seems to take such good emotional and physical care of his members and gives me the impression he’s a really good natured, understanding and mature person. The way he nags and bosses them about cleaning and whatever else gives me life. He’s also a photographer, and that will wreck me in and of itself.

Ah, Hyungwon… Hyungwon is an incredibly interesting person, and I’ve always been really drawn to his personality. On the surface, at least, he’s rather understated in his character, but it somehow still manages to stand out so strongly amongst a group of people who could be considered to have an outwardly stronger personality than his. Sort of like Wonho, I see Hyungwon as full of dualities; he’s soft, yet often quite distant. Quiet, yet forecful my god when I thought his fight with #GUN was real, I was somewhere between turned on and terrified, totally goofy and iconically expressive, yet quite phlegmatic. His constant state of exhaustion is a big fat mood and makes me stan, his beauty and ease of dancing makes me stan, his sense of humour and inadvertant sense of comic timing makes me stan.

Jooheon is a total babe. He has everything you’d not only want in your favourite musician (talent, ambition, swag, visuals, good nature, stage presence) but he has everything you’d want in a boyfriend, too. With Jooheon it’s not a question of what do I like about him most, it’s a question of what do I NOT like most about him. He’s kind, charismatic, likeable, funny, sexy, adaptable… also, his dimples kill me.

If I have a definitive, set, unchangable bias wrecker, it’s Changkyun. My god does he give me sexy, dark, mysterious!boy vibes. He’s maybe probably nothing like that irl, but there’s something about that quiet voice and aura and the way he moves/dresses/expresses himself that just makes me melt. I find his fight and self-assuredness so, so admirable. The way he overcame all the hostility and adversity of NO.MERCY to get to where he is today is amazing and really speaks to his mature, older-than-his-years attitude. I also love the way his abstract mind works and I stan the heck out of his clever!boy persona. If any of them were closest to my own ideal type, it’d be him.

But then there’s Wonho, who reminds me so, so much of myself. As I’ve spoken about before, I feel he highlights a real problem in the attitudes of kpop fans and wider society in general; this idea that someone sexy can’t be sweet and someone sweet can’t be sexy. Those who know Wonho only for his body and looks think he’s some kind of hardcore sex god, while many of his soft stans view him as unrealistically pure and innocent. Wonho is both sweet and sexual, pure of heart but perhaps not so pure of mind or body. And that’s okay, and it’s valid and it’s beautiful and it’s one of the things I love most about him. He’s also one of the most genuine, sincere people I can think of. He’s open and honest and inclusive of everything and everyone and I stan the hell out of that. Plus, his smile. Ugh.

[timeagainreviews]

Classic Baddies for the Thirteenth Doctor!

As a fan of classic Doctor Who, one of my favourite elements of the new series has been the anticipation as to which classic villains will make an appearance. Not only is it cool to see more of these older monsters, but it’s also exciting to see how they update their look. Some really nail it too. Keeping the classic design of the Daleks while making them look more tank-like and utilitarian in 2005 was a masterstroke. I liked that they embraced the Ice Warriors’ original look as well. While I may not be as hot on the updated Silurians, or Autons, it’s always fun to see classic villains regardless.

When Chris Chibnall mentioned that there would be no classic villains in series 11, my heart sank a little. Are they necessary for Doctor Who to be successful? Not hardly. But it’s fun dammit. Even if they were cameos like the Macra or the Movellans, these were moments I looked forward to. I have a sort of checklist I like to go through with each series of new Who. Are there classic villains? Check. Does the Doctor meet a figure from history? Check. Series 11 has one of those.

It’s been no secret that a major criticism of series 11 has been its lack of compelling villains. I myself have been vocal about this disappointment. So I thought I would make up a list of 10 classic villains I would like to see the Thirteenth Doctor go up against. I’m basing these off a few factors. Personal favourites, Jodie’s vibe, the era, etc. Enjoy! And feel free to add your own!

1. Autons

First Appearance: "Spearhead from Space" (1970)

I know they have already returned. I know I said I didn’t like their update. That’s exactly why they’re on this list now. I didn’t exactly hate the updated Autons when I first watched them. At the time, I didn’t have any classic villains to compare them to, as they were new to me. I thought they were pretty corny and not very scary, even as they did openly murder people in the streets of London. But when seeing "Spearhead from Space," for the first time, I was supremely creeped out. The newer Autons remind me of the movie theatre scene in “Human Traffic.” Just a bunch of dancers doing the robot. Not very scary. And turning the Nestine consciousness into a big vat of CGI goo, as compared to a giant plastic space squid seems like a crime. They’re due an update.

2. Voord

First Appearance: "The Keys of Marinus" (1964)

These guys creep me out. Their costumes are really stupid, and I still find them creepy. They’re like spiky fish men mixed with Egyptian gods. Ignoring the weird "Voord became Cybermen," storyline, and focusing on the fishman aspect would be the way to go. Could you imagine their costume if updated correctly? I picture a mix between Edward Scissorhands and a scuba diver. I’ve wanted to see Jodie encounter these guys ever since "The Ghost Monument," reminded me of "The Keys of Marinus." Something about First Doctor villains with the first female Doctor kinda works for me too. Speaking of First Doctor villains…

3. Zarbi

First Appearance: "The Web Planet" (1965)

Ok, so this one is a bit of a cheat. I know the Zarbi aren’t really a villain by their own doing. In many ways, these oversized ants are just dumb animals. But the biggest way this is a cheat is because I just want them so we can have the Menoptera! I love those stupid moth cuties. I think an updated one of them could look really fun. Think the aliens from the queue scene in the "Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy," movie. Something between realistic, and fantastical. They would also add a much-needed sense of levity to the Chibnall era.

4. The Dominators

First Appearance: "The Dominators" (1968)

The Dominators are a race of men whose name pretty much describes their modus operandi. Having long ago developed beyond the need for women, these guys seem an obvious choice to go up against a female Doctor. Their look is simple enough to update. They need only to look armoured and militaristic. Their robot drones, the Quarks, would be the real challenge to update, but I’m sure they’d nail it. I would be interested in seeing a more bureaucratic ruling class of Dominators as well. Perhaps instead of having a male and female population, they have the soldiers and the suits. Could be a really interesting way to talk about the insular nature of toxic masculinity. This would fit in well with Thirteen’s villains being chauvinistic shitbirds that don’t like women much.

5. Axons

First Appearance: "The Claws of Axos" (1971)

I’ve heard the Axons get a bit of flack in the past, which is bananas to me. There’s so much potential there. They have a rather psychedelic look, and then they get super gross. I’ve always seen them as very retro style monsters. Jodie’s costume has a real 1970’s "Godspell," look about it, so I always picture her going up against monsters that look the part. They wouldn’t be hard to update either. I would make the golden lines on their humanoid forms slightly raised, like a system of fibres across their skin. And of course, their squidgy red form could be a tangled mass of CGI that kinda bubbles up from the gold lines. The transformation scenes could get very visceral. They’ve got a sneaky nature about them. Like anglerfish, their beautiful golden appearance conceals a horrific monster. They’re known for making Faustian deals with people fool enough to believe their lies. How could we resist?

6. The Mara

First Appearance: "Kinda" (1982)

Many people love the Kinda/Snakedance storyline. I wasn’t sure what to make of either serial, as the quality of both waivers. Over time, though, I’ve come to really appreciate them as stories. I have a love for characters that exist as a sort of gestalt. There’s something very unsettling about a hive mind. As The Doctor has three companions this time around. There’s lots of room for one of them to go off and become possessed by an evil snake god for a while. Either Graham or Ryan becoming hosts for the Mara could be an interesting way to explore their relationship. While the DVD release saw an updated version of the Mara’s snake form, I’m sure the modern show can do one better. They’ve already done giant spiders, now let's see them do a giant snake!

7. The Rani

First Appearance: "The Mark of the Rani" (1985)

While I am aware many people dislike the Rani, and the idea of Chris Chibnall choosing a character created by Pip and Jan Baker is unlikely, I still don’t care. Any character can be made good in the hands of a competent writer. All it takes is one good idea. Personally, I’ve never really gotten the guff she’s been given. As a woman capable of cruel scientific experiments, the Rani is a ruthless Time Lady with more guile than the Master. People want to see Thirteen with Missy because they’re both women now, but we’ve had an evil Time Lady for years, and I’d be interested to see what regeneration might bring for her��� or him?

8. Rutans

First Appearance: "The Horror of Fang Rock" (1977)

First Mentioned: “The Time Warrior” (1973)

The Rutans are long enemies of the Sontaran race. I would love to see them amp up the danger by getting stuck in the middle of a skirmish between the two races. I would like to see the Sontarans presented as formidable once again. The Doctor Who video game "The Gunpowder Plot," did update their look, to a decent degree. Either way, modern Who could make a Rutan look much more imposing with CGI, or even practical effects. I’d imagine something like a green man o’ war. Jodie’s Doctor’s tendency to mediate during conflict could land her trying to broker peace between the two races. Could she be successful or would she have to count her losses?

9. Drashigs

First Appearance: "Carnival of Monsters" (1973)

Here we have yet another Robert Holmes creation! (The other two being the Autons and the Rutans) While mostly just mindless monsters that can eat through anything, I’ve always loved these horrific beasts. With heads the size of a Volkswagen bug, and an appetite for anything in their way, these guys could really add in a danger element. I doubt they could really carry an episode by themselves, but they’d make a great threat! They may be alien snake monsters, but you may have a creeping familiarity when looking at them. This is because the puppets used were constructed around the skulls of real dogs! While I’m sure these pups died of natural causes, the information has always given them an air of creepiness and realism. As Third Doctor era baddies go, these toothy terrors were some of the more believable creatures yet! They wouldn’t need much of an update, looks wise. Part of me would still want them to be puppets. I’d imagine Thirteen’s compassion for misunderstood creatures would send her on a danger defying attempt to save their lives!

10. The Scorchies

First Appearance: "The Scorchies" (2013)

Ok, so this one is another cheat. Technically these aren’t "classic Who" villains. They come from the audios, but I’m counting them because they’re from a Third Doctor era storyline! If you count the mention of the Rutans in "The Time Warrior," this marks the fifth baddie from the Third Doctor era. What is it about that period that is so mineable? Originally a species with bodies, they lost their corporeal form when their planet was invaded and they were transported to safety via television broadcast waves! In their new puppet bodies, they go from planet to planet hypnotising their inhabitants and burning them! Why? Because they’re salty. So why them?  Well, for starters, look at these guys! Jodie’s Doctor has always reminded me as a bit of mad kids’ show presenter, with her bright colours and friendly appearance. Seeing her with puppets almost feels natural. I love the idea so much that I photoshopped it! It would also make Doctor Who history. While the Eighth Doctor mentioned his audio companions in "The Night of the Doctor," no audio characters have ever made an appearance in the show (at least to my knowledge). Appearance wise, they’d be easy to create. If they wanted to go the extra mile, they could partner with the Jim Henson Creature Shop for an added distinction. I feel like no matter what you do, these little critters could draw a crowd. People would watch just to see if Doctor Who has lost its damn mind! If done right, it could be a fun romp! Who says Doctor Who villains always have to be serious?

Well, that’s it for my list! Did you agree? Do you think poor Natalie needs to get her head checked out? Feel free to reblog with your own additions! I’d love to read what you think! Expect the review of this weekend’s Doctor Who either Sunday or Monday. I’ve not yet re-watched Marco Polo, which I might actually do today, but it’s on my list to write it next week! It’s going to be the first reconstruction I’m doing, so it should be interesting! I’m not sure if I will supplement any of it with the Target novelisation, but I am thinking not. We’ll see! It’s still early into the series!

[purple-moonlights-blog]

STRAY KIDS 10th MEMBER AU

INTRODUCTION

This AU is heavily inspired by @k-llama-llama ! If you don’t know her I highly suggest checking out her blog, she and her writings are really sweet (also some good drama just started in her AU). 🌸

I’m not 100% sure where I’m going with this AU, so please feel free to request and suggest what could happen. I really want to take in ideas from people who are interested in the story. Don’t be shy loves! ♥︎ 

☾☼ 

Btw. I didn’t use her name until the very end because my dumb ass forgot to give her a name.

Also, in this scenario, Stray Kids themselves aren’t very present since it didn’t really fit. However, I promise that next time will be a lot of Stray Kids content! 

▸ Check out the Profile HERE

▸ Request for the AU HERE

▸ MASTERLIST

Words: 2342

Warnings: Swearing?⎮ And weird grammar and spelling mistakes, English is not my native language⎮

I. NEW 〈NOVA〉

(gif not mine)

With her eyebrows knitted together and her upper-lip slightly twisted up, an expression her friend David stated to be her “trying to be polite but can’t help but judge“ look - or in other words, her being a twat visage - she stared at the man, probably in his mid-thirties, in front of her. 

For the past five minutes he spoke very fast and in a very strong Satoori accent, she had difficulties to understand, and thereby wildly gesticulate with his arms. The longer he talked the more he began to sweat and looked noticeably more nervous. She wasn’t intentionally trying to be rude by not saying a word the whole time, even though she was more than once encouraged to respond to his rambling. However, due to her having a hard time progressing what he was saying - her Korean might be quite good, thanks to her mum compelling her and her brothers too Korean lesson since the early beginnings of their childhood, yet she only learned standard Korean - and immediately doubting what he was saying to be true, she kept her mouth shut until she had a clear picture of what was going on. From what she could grasp, the man was responsible to recruit trainees for entertainment companies, which in the end should turn them in successful idols, that bring big profits and put the companies into positive spotlights. 

He explained that he was from JYP and that Park Jinyoung personally placed in order, after allegedly seeing a video of a street performance of her dancing and singing, to track her down and convince her to audition for his company. He further explained that JYP - the company - planned to form an idol group in the upcoming month of October through a survival show and JYP - the person - wanted her in it because she would in his opinion fit perfectly into the concept. 

Bullocks, she instantly thought when he told her that. 

She didn’t believe a word coming from his mouth. Yes, it was true that she appeared in multiple videos of street performances that are posted on YouTube, however, she was neither an outstanding dancer nor a Whitney Huston, at least in her opinion. The more he talked the more it sounded like the plot of a Wattpad fanfiction and as the result of her distinct sense of reality, which often came across as her being pessimistic, she knew stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life. It’s called Fan Fiction after all.  

The whole story sounded like a lie somebody, who kidnaps young girls and boys for human trafficking by exploiting their naivety and their dreams to make it big once, would tell. By that, she suddenly remembered her 14 years old cousin Junsuh conspiracy theory rant about the Korean entertainment industries. Two weeks ago she visited her relatives in Ilsan, where her Junshu, as usually, didn’t stop talking. According to Junsuh, the industry is through and through corrupt - a single stronghold of prostitution rings, human trafficking, child exploitation and even religious cults and a secret origination that controls the whole south of Korea. 

Even though Junsuh tends to get carried away with his theories - she strongly doubted, that one of the big three companies (he refused to tell which one) pays a religious cult to use black magic on the public, so they will only buy the albums of their artists - however, that it wasn’t only glamorous and that pressure and hard work take big role in the idols life, wasn’t a secret. 

Earning her livelihood through music has always been a dream for her. From small on she loved to sing - back then extremely out of tune - and dance around. When in 2008 her cousin Jia (Junsuh’s older sister), while she and her family visited their relatives in Korea, showed her Shinee’s debut MV Replay, she fell in love. Immediately she learned the dances and lyrics to the songs and dreamed of being an idol herself. The combination of vocal, rap and dance fascinated her. 

Yet, after time passes and she got older, her initial spirit disappeared almost completely. More and more she realized that she didn’t fit into the standard female idol category. Beginning with her appearance ending with her personality. She wouldn’t call herself a tomboy since she despite her boyish tendency still liked typical girly stuff. In end, she always thought of separating certain things in a boy and girl category as stupid. 

One day, her aunt took her to the toy store when she was made 5 years old. She asked her aunt if she could have Hot Wheels for her birthday present. The saleswoman, however, who should help her to find something, asked if doesn’t want something that is more fitting for a girl. Her five-year-old self suddenly feeling insecure choose a creepy doll, which the sale woman suggested - she ended up giving the creepy doll to the family dog to play with. 

„Look, you don’t need to say yes right now. But please just come to JYP building tomorrow for the audition. Well, it’s not really an audition, you are basically already in. You just need to say yes.“ The sudden change to a clean Seoul accent made her startle up from her thoughts. The man in front of her got now her full attention. He almost looked desperate. 

It is probably favorable for his career if he gets me to come to the “audition“. South Korea is highly competitive after all, she guessed

„Okay.“

„It doesn’t take long either you….wait, what?“

„I said, okay. When should I be there?“ He looked at her seemingly being genuinely surprised to hear her agree. Sure, she only accepted because she felt bad for him. Also, her class started in 5 minutes and she simply didn’t want to be rude and refuse after his effort. Nonetheless, the fact that he knew her name and where she went to University, still creeped her out. 

„Umm, well 10 a.m. Wait in front of the building, I will escort you in.“

„Good, I will be there.“ She said and then added quickly before she went ahead to run to the other side of the campus to still be on time for her class. „Have a good day.“

————

 At 09:30 a.m. sharp she was in front of the JYP building. She always tended to come over punctual, mainly because she included the time she will need in case anything goes wrong by her taking the bus - a short 25-minute ride - from Seongdong District on the north bank of the Han River to Gangnam District, which lies on the south side of the Han River. 

Traffic jam, traffic collision, plane crashes, nuclear attacks, apocalypse and what so ever. Her constant nagging anxiety back in her head made her throw her common sense out of the window more than once. 

Certainly, she didn’t expect anything, she highly doubted that the apparent JYP staff member was being legit. Either somebody was playing a prank on her or one of Junsuh’s theories will be confirmed and she is going to be sold. 

In a girl group, she would stand out and not in a good way like a pretty flower would. No, she would stand out like a purulent pimple in the middle of one’s forehead. Not like she was particularly ugly or different looking. The fact that she was not special looking was the issue. In general, she was glad about that. She was never big on being the center of attention. However, in the entertainment industry, like it or not, talent is not everything. And her being as interesting as an empty sheet of paper, surley didn’t take a chance. 

After awkwardly standing around for good 25 minutes, somebody came out of the building. She immediately recognized him as the man from yesterday. 

He wasn’t lying about working for JYP then, she thought. 

As he looked to his left and saw her standing there, he sighed with relief and beckoned her over to him. By his reaction, she assumed that he obviously didn’t believe that she will come. But she was not the type to do tell somebody she would be there and then shamelessly not come without giving the other person a notice.    

„You won’t regret this, believe me.“ He said as they walked through the lobby to the elevator. „They really want you in this group.“ Who he meant with they, she wasn’t sure. He chuckled awkwardly since she didn’t respond to anything he said but rather she just nodded and gave him a forced smile. Again, she wasn’t trying to be rude, for sure not, after all in her family having good manners was an essential part. Her very English grandmother would personally fly to Korea and beat her ass if she was being rude. 

In the elevator were already three guys, she guessed them around her age, absorbed in a discussion about, from what she could understand, song lyrics. 

„Listen, I swear it’s good.“ Said the guy, with the darkest hair of the three of them. „You can be Fiona today, I’ll be Shrek. Ugly kind immature swag.“

She snorted and quietly chuckled to herself. The guy closest to her with silver, curly hair her, who heard her laugh, looked over to her. He raised his brow’s at first and then gave her a shy smile, which she returned.

On the fifth floor, they left the elevator and male staff knocked two times on the first door in the hallway, before he opened it and showed with a quick hand gesture that she should follow him. In the room was big glass table where three men already sat. She immediately recognized the man seated in the middle. 

 It’s JYP, It really was not a joke after all.

„Ah, there she is. Please take a seat.“ JYP said and gestured on the chair opposite of him. She bowed and sat down. 

After he asked the staff member to leave he continued: „I’m really glad you are here. When I saw your performance I know you will fit perfectly.“ 

„I was told, if I would accept the offer, I will participate in survival show, right?“ She asked, slowing starting to feel excited. Even though, she gave up on her dream of being an idol a long time ago - better said, she never really tried in the first place. Deep down she still wanted to achieve that and such an opportunity she couldn’t refuse. Even if that meant she had to change herself to fit in. 

„Yes, exactly. I really hope you take this chance. Even though you don’t have a training period as the other trainees participating, I believe you have potential.“

„Okay, I’m in. Where do I have to sign“ she said, full of newly found elan. The three men chuckled surprised about her sudden enthusiasm.

„The formalities we will sort out later.“ JYP answered, „Stray Kids, the name of the group you might debut in, has currently nine male trainees, which your leader Bang Chan handpicked himself.“

„Boys?“ She questioned confused.

„Yes, the management and I decided by making Stray Kids a co-ed group it will be more favorable in the future.“ He continued undeterred. She had to stop herself from making a snarky comment and asking them if they are trying to be edgy be doing that. 

There is no need to act like a twat right now!

„But none of our female trainees fit in Stray Kids. So, I was obviously pleased when I found you. I hope I’m not going to regret this.“ The last part sounded bitter and her previous enthusiasm was slowly suppressed by the anxiety creeping up her throat, making her feel sick.  

She didn’t want to back away now. 

Maybe it’s better to be in a male-dominated group. It’s not like I fit in a girl group either, she tried to calm herself down mentally. 

However, the fact that all other trainees were chosen by Stray Kids leader personally and that she basically was being forced onto them, made her feel like she was going to vomit. 

„They are already informed about your addition to the group. In fact, I want them to get to know you right now. Teamwork is important and the faster you warm up to each the better!“ With that, he stood up, bowed to his colleges and told her to follow him. She bowed to the older men too and left after JYP.

„The kids are probably in the practice room right now. Since they got the chance to debut, they have been prating twice as hard.“ He said, obviously proud about the trainee’s dedication. „I heard they are very excited to meet you.“

Bollocks! I will be extremely out of place. No way any of them are excited for a possible female member. 

Despite, her anxiety she didn’t wanna give up this time. She can’t just run away every time there was a construction put in her way. At last, trying wasn’t going to kill. 

They went down to the second floor. At the end of the hallway, JYP opened the wooden door to the practice room and stepped in. As JYP and she entered, four guys who sat on the floor rushed to stand up and joined five other guys to bow to their CEO. Some looked very young to her. She would have guessed at least two of them fifteen years old at most.

„Please introduce yourself to them,“ JYP told her and encouraged her with a quick hand gesture to step in front. 

All eyes were on her now. Some of them seemed curious, others just stared at her expressionless. And then, there was the guy with the silver hair from the elevator. He looked at her like he wanted to burn her down with his gaze. She honestly couldn’t take offense at that. Like, she understood his seeming dislike of her. 

„My Name is Seol Nova and I hope we can work well together.

[mst3kproject]

812: The Incredibly Strange Creatures who Stopped Living and became Mixed-Up Zombies

Okay, first off, fuck that title.  You know how I write out the full title of Attack of the The Eye Creatures every time I refer to it, out of sheer spite?  I'm going to do the opposite here.  I'm not even going to type out the full acronym. From here on, this movie is known simply as Mixed-Up Zombies, which would be a perfectly good title for a movie made by somebody better at movies than Ray Dennis Steckler.  Apparently the title he originally wanted was even longer, being a riff on the full title of Dr. Strangelove. You can google if you want to know what it was, because I'm not typing that either.

The posters bill MUZ as the First Monster Musical, which is a big fat lie.  I'm pretty sure that to qualify as a musical, a movie has to include more than one song-and-dance number that helps to tell the story, in situations where no sane person would be singing and dancing in real life. Horror of Party Beach (which billed itself as the First Horror Monster Musical) is also not a musical, because its songs have nothing to do with the plot and are all performed by the Del-Aires, who are presumably getting paid for it.  I Accuse my Parents is closer to being a musical, because the songs do express the status of the relationship between Kitty and Jimmy – but it's still not quite there, because Kitty only sings as part of her job.  Mary Poppins is a musical.  Singing in the Rain is a musical.  Fucking Jeeves is a musical.  MUZ is not.

The actual plot of MUZ is somewhat mysterious.  I can tell you that this is the movie where Alex the Chimp's creepy robot double wants us to get our tickets here! and the episode in which Mike and the bots keep making transvestite jokes that really didn't need to be made, but I'm not entirely sure what's actually going on in the story. I guess there are these two carnival performers: Carmelita is an exotic dancer luring men into the clutches of her sister Estrella, who turns them into zombie slaves and sends them out to kill people. Why the two of them do this I have no idea.  Possibly it has something to do with Estrella seeing the deaths in her tarot cards.  If her predictions won't come true on their own, then damn it, she'll make them come true!

This rather vague story is told to us through a character named Jerry, played by writer/director Steckler.  He bills himself as Cash Flagg, which is only slightly less stupid of a stage name than Touch Connors. Jerry can't touch Watney Smith on the Hate-O-Meter but he still scores a solid eight out of ten – he's a rat-faced, lecherous man-child who refuses to work because “life is meant to be enjoyed”.  I imagine this is what Steckler himself would say whenever his parents asked him when he was going to stop making terrible movies and get a real job.  Jerry takes his rich girlfriend Angie to the carnival and then ditches her in order to watch Carmelita's strip show.  I think we're supposed to believe that Carmelita hypnotized him into it but nothing in his prior behaviour suggests that this isn't something he would have done anyway.  Under Estrella's mind control, he murders a couple of dancers and then almost kills Angie when she obnoxiously twirls her umbrella at him.  In the end he is unceremoniously shot by the police, who do that a lot in these movies.

One thing that is unavoidably noticeable in MUZ is that somebody, possibly the costume designer and possibly Steckler himself, has a thing about female body hair.  We never see any actual body hair in the movie (even on the men), but the female dancers wear costumes that almost seem designed to make up for the lack!  Marge the dancer's outfit consists mainly of black mesh with a few opaque patches where something naughty might show, and the bit that covers her crotch is a black inverted triangle that looks much more like pubes than it does lingerie.  I thought this might be my own pervy imagination, but then we see the lead dancer at the girlie show.  She also has a black triangle on her groin, with a feathery top to it that makes it look like her pubes come up past her belly button, plus she's wearing that feathery thing around her shoulders that often looks much like armpit hair.  I don't know what to make of this. It's really weird.

Another thing that draws the attention is how tediously uninspired the nightclub scenes are. These, as Tom Servo observed, make up a significant portion of the movie, but they're just not very interesting to watch.  The comedian has the same repertoire as your divorced uncle at Thanksgiving dinner.  Marge and her partner look like they're at their first ballroom dance class and are doing their best to follow the teacher but have no idea what's going on.  The girlie shows Jerry attend consist mostly of dancers walking in circles or doing very limited steps in place, and singers who just stand there.  It's like we're watching video of a junior high talent show.  It's hard to say who's at fault for this... the direction certainly isn't very interesting, but neither is the lighting or the choreography, and the performers are okay-ish at best.  I think we're just looking at a paucity of talent across all fronts.

The various nightclub acts are irrelevant, anyway.  They're nothing but filler, and the movie uses filler to try to distract us from the fact that we never have any idea why these things are happening.  What is it that Estrella and Carmelita are trying to accomplish through their seduce-and-zombify routine? We don't know, because the two of them never talk to each other.  The sisters ought to have some kind of symbiotic relationship.  Carmelita brings Estrella gullible men to make into zombies, and we'd assume that this must also benefit Carmelita in some way – but how?  Is Estrella eliminating competition by killing other dancers who might rise into Carmelita's starring role?  If so then Marge, who is a drunk on the verge of losing her job anyway, was not the best victim to illustrate that.  If the two of them have some kind of larger plan, like world domination (or at least carnival domination), then we never see any hint of it.

The movie would honestly have been way more interesting if it had actually been about whatever the sisters' evil plan is, but instead, it's about fucking Jerry. I think Jerry's story is supposed to be a tragedy, in that Estrella and Carmelita take this happy young man and completely destroy him, but it's impossible to make that work when Jerry really doesn't start off with anything to lose.  He has no job, no ambition, no hobbies... he seems to live as a leech on the ass of his pompadoured, foreigny friend Harold, and his idea of a good time is watching bargain-rate strippers.  There are probably plenty of real people much like him, but they're not the people the average movie-goer likes or admires. A tragic hero is a man who loses everything, but Jerry never had anything except for his romance with Angela, and he ruined that all by himself.

Jerry is not only a singularly un-likeable character, he's not even any fun to hate.  The rednecks in Giant Spider Invasion were so absolutely awful that it was a good time just watching them scream and get eaten.  Jerry is too bland for that, even at his worst.  We fundamentally do not care what happens to this asshole, and as a result, his story is not at all compelling.

As dull and unfocused as the movie is, I think it might have an intentional theme.  Recall that Jerry doesn't want to get a job – he's a free spirit who wants to do his own thing and enjoy himself.  You occasionally hear self-proclaimed free spirits refer to those of us with real jobs as 'zombies'.  Maybe this is a story about Jerry finally having to bow to capitalism, which ultimately destroys him.  The scene about Jerry's joblessness and the fact that the movie bothers to contrast the semi-squalor in which he lives with Angela's wealthy family is just enough to make me think Steckler could have had some kind of economic point to make.  If so, the metaphor is not sufficiently well-developed to really say anything, and we aren't interested enough in Jerry to care in any event.

A lot of MSTies think this movie visually resembles Manos: the Hands of Fate. The two films do share a lack of decent lighting, a warm late 60's/early 70's pallet, and a general 'somebody's last known photograph' feel.  But while Manos' cinematographer was a guy named Robert Guidry who had never done the job before and never did it again, MUZ was shot by fucking Vilmos Zsigmond. You've never heard of him, but only because nobody knows the names of cinematographers – him doing MUZ is kind of the equivalent of finding out Hans Zimmer wrote the Haunting Torgo Theme.  Fifteen years after MUZ, Zsigmond won an Oscar for cinematography on Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and he went on to be nominated three more times, for The Deer Hunter, The River, and The Black Dahlia.

Ray Dennis Steckler also kept making movies, but his have titles like The Thrill Killers and The Sexorcist. Unsurprisingly, these have been nominated for zero Oscars and are too obscure even for the Razzies.  I'll see if I can find a couple of them for Episodes that Never Were.

[bulletfrootboyzz]

there are four things that make me think that Jungkook was aware of his sexuality before joining BTS.

1) he was crushing on GDragon and cited him as his impetus for wanting to be a trainee (thereby positioning himself to be closer to his idol, like many trainees do.  I mean did he even WANT to become an idol himself? Evidence shows otherwise. He used to cry when ppl asked him to sing, and was thinking of dropping out and just being a backup dancer when Jimin talked him out of it. He said himself he was not ambitious about being an idol. He most probably only wanted ACCESS to the pretty, who doesn’t?)

2) he didn’t want to shower with the rest of the boys. Was he afraid he’d get an embarrassing reaction to seeing other naked boys, or did he see himself in danger of being sexually harassed by them, who knows? in either case shows awareness of homosexual sex. I’d guess the latter, because....

3) in American Hustle Life, during that tasteless racist prank they subjected the boys to, when big black men entered the van and hijacked them.  Jungkook was clearly terrified.  But the interesting thing was that he was afraid not that they would beat him up, kill him or rob him but that they would “sell me.”  Excuse me??  Again, awareness of his sexuality as pertains to other men.

4) Again in AHL, his complete disdain for the other boys gathering around the gorgeous music video models, he couldn’t even pretend to be interested in the women. In fact, he seemed a bit jealous.

So there you have it, the totally circumstantial evidence that becomes more compelling in aggregate and in hindsight (as does everything jikook). I’m not saying he was or wasn’t. I’m saying these are the things that point to me like he was. LOL.

Hi! I've been seeing posts recently claiming that JK was "clockable" and that he knew about his attraction to men since the early days. Do you agree with that? I'm wondering what he has said/done for people to reach that conclusion. JM always seemed like the more confident one in my opinion.

I have heard such claims too, and I ask myself: based on what?

We don't know yet, for sure, that he is attracted to men. He most definitely hasn't told us so.

If assumptions are made as to the nature of JK & JM's relationship, it's based on hours of footage, their interactions, things they have said to each other and about each other, things they have posted or uploaded for/about each other, the way they look at each other, touch or not touch each other, the development of the relationship over the years and so forth.

Whatever unveiled itself here, looks like it started end of 2014. That's when it seemed JK was showing an attraction towards JM (the way he looked at him, the way he touched him, the way he searched for his proximity). He may have struggled with his identity prior to that, or was struggling with his identity during that period, I don't know.

So, we think JK was attracted to JM. That is an assumption, yes. But beyond that I am not willing to make other assumptions as to JK's sexuality. Is he attracted to men or only JM? Is he only attracted to men or also women? and so forth. These are questions we will probably never have answers to, unless JK decides to share it with us.

So my final answer would be that I can't agree with such claims. Not because they aren't true, but because we have no way of knowing. I do think he was showing signs of struggling with his identity and image during those early years (2013-2014), but what that entailed exactly I don't know.

[reporthers]

Q&A: Sruthi Pinnamaneni of Reply All

Sruthi Pinnamaneni invited me into her home in Brooklyn almost a year ago for this interview. At that time, I had been toying with the idea of a ReportHers podcast but didn’t have many audio skills to speak of back then. I recorded the interview and then spent the next year paralyzed, too afraid to post it. I was convinced that it sounded terrible and it was all my fault. There’s mic handling noise, a room echo and some terrible plosives. I cringe listening to it. And I edited it back then in Premiere Pro, a video editing program, because that’s all I had access to at the time.

Anyway, it turns out that comparing yourself to someone as talented as Sruthi is a bad idea. Instead, you should aspire to make work like hers. Aspiring leaves space to learn and make mistakes.

So, here is the interview, recorded at Sruthi’s kitchen bar. I had to edit it in Pro Tools as one combined track because I no longer have access to Premiere Pro, and I lost some of the original files in a shift to a new computer (ugh). But let’s maybe let the content overshadow the audio quality. Sruthi’s was a pretty interesting interview.

—

ReportHers: What was the first story that you were like, ‘This is an interesting scene. I want to record it.’

Sruthi Pinnamaneni: I was studying broadcast journalism at Columbia, which means TV news and documentary stuff. I found out about this girl, she was in high school up in Harlem and she was a dancer. People were talking about how she was doing this incredible African dance stuff and performing. She was deaf and so I wanted to do a story about her. Then I met her teacher and really the story became about the relationship between the teacher and the student. The teacher was this incredibly forceful, passionate woman who really believed in this girl and there were moments when I just spent time with them where you were like, ‘Ooh. Is she going a little too far? She’s pretty strict with her.’ But at the same time maybe that’s what the girl needed.

I just shot tons of footage with them. I would just follow them around in class, outside of class and just keep shooting. That was, for me, the first time I felt a sense of, when you get to melt into the wall and you’re really just a part of the scene and just observing the people that you’re filming and trying to understand their relationship and trying to understand kind of the larger story of what was going on. I feel like that’s the first time I had that addictive feeling that you get.

RH: How many stories are you working on at once and how do you stay present in multiple stories over time?

SP: It’s hard because it’s simultaneously a gift and also a punishment to be able to work on a story as long as you need to. Because everybody really just wants to keep working on a story and never to finish it, especially me. So generally I’m working on at least two stories that are bigger, longer-term stories that I’m reporting and then a couple of stories that I’m helping somebody else produce, so either an outside reporter or somebody at Reply All, maybe Alex or PJ.

There’s one story that we finish a couple months ago that I started working on when like the first day I started at Reply All. It was a PJ story and it was funny because like it took two years to complete and that entire time I’d been working on other things, and you always knew that there was a story at the back of your brain that you’re like, I really want to finish that story. But some things just take time. The thing we’ve learned is to let stories sit for a while. So you work on something intensely, or I work on something intensely for a few weeks and then I kind of give it a break and then I work on it again. Generally once a story has been put on our schedule, like we know this is the day that we want to put this out, then I will turn all my attention to that.

It’s hard for me to really finish two stories at the same time so generally in the last month I’m one hundred percent focused on one thing and just trying to get all the pieces together.

RH: How long on average would you say you work on a story?

SP: I don’t have an average. There are stories that I’m really proud of that I reported that I finished in ten days. And then there’s a couple stories that I’ve produced with PJ or Alex where we’ll record it on Thursday one week and then it’s out the following Wednesday. Those are great because somehow you know when you start a story there’s a certain amount of energy and curiosity you have and to finish making the story in a compressed amount of time, you keep that energy. Whereas when you hold on to a story for a long time, often you really start to doubt it. You wonder, what’s the story? I don’t remember. Is this really a thing? You kind of you lose a lot of the original surprise So that’s been the challenge with the stories we’ve sat on here for a while.

The average, I have everything from two years, to one year, to like five days, so the average is really, I have no idea.

RH: Can you talk about the evolution of the show in the couple years that it’s been at Gimlet?

SP: I think the technology angle was always a bit of a skinny tether, you know. For me what a Reply All story is, it really comes down to a certain aesthetic, like a certain feel. It’s a certain looseness that still takes a lot of work to create. It’s never been the technology angle. I think different people at Reply All feel more or less strongly about the tech stuff. We are about to do stories where if we’re really just interested in the thing then well we’re going to do it. And I think that will always upset certain people, but I think a lot of our audience started to recognize that there’s more to Reply All than our so-called technology angle.

I’m perfectly happy to be in the tech bucket. I feel like that’s a nice place to be. There’s tons of great stories in there but I feel like we’ve all grown as journalists in the last few years and if there’s something that we’re really interested in then we’re not going to let that hold us back.

RH: The show to me feels more like it’s a show about being human, which I think is why it’s so compelling

SP: There’s a feeling that you have when you’re doing mindless surfing, like falling into a rabbit hole on the Internet, where you start off with one question and then it takes you to a different question, which pulls you into a totally different question. And it’s this really delicious feeling of falling. I think that’s really what we want the show to be. You can say it’s about the Internet but really we want it to be the feeling of the Internet.

RH: That makes me think of the piece you did about the woman, Hope, who had a medical mystery and the way you reported out that story, it wasn’t like you did all this reporting and then you structured the story with a beginning middle and end. You brought us along with the phone call with Jill, was it? At the New York Times.

SP: Lisa, Lisa Sanders.

RH: Right, Lisa Sanders. We were kind of along with you for the reporting. Can you talk a little bit about that story and how was part of the decision making process of how you would tell the story?

SP: So that one was such a joy to produce, also because that was one of the few that took me ten days from beginning to end. And it started when I’d seen this news article about this website called CrowdMed. In the news article they said this website has an 80 percent rate of success diagnosing people who’ve had no luck through the medical establishment. I found that statistic to be kind of mind blowing to the point where I was skeptical. I wasn’t sure, like, is that real? What does that actually mean to diagnose somebody who hasn’t been diagnosed by these other more formal means? So I reached out to the company. I looked at a few cases that they had in their solved column and I got the contact information for this woman, Hope.

I said to her right off the bat, I don’t know if this story’s going to work. I just want to hear what happened to you. We’ll see, no promises. I didn’t do a pre-interview. I don’t usually do pre-interviews. I just called her up. It was it was such a janky connection. I think I called her on Skype and made her record herself using her iPhone. She was just a beautiful storyteller, one of these people that it took a little bit of wrangling right at the top just to make sure she told the story in a linear way. Most people, but especially people have had long-running medical issues, they tend to really skip through facts because they’re used to abbreviating everything. So she was like, ‘Yes, it started on this day and I had this problem, that problem.’ And I was like, ‘No, slow down. I just want to feel everything that you felt as it happened to you.’ So I had to kind of hold her back a few times. But once she got that rhythm she really just stuck to it. I was riveted. I was like, ‘Go on. What next?’

RH: This was all in the first phone call?

SP: Oh yea. First phone call. The entire time I was like, I don’t know what she’s recording. I don’t know if her phone is dead. I was so petrified because the Skype line was unusable. It was way too crackly and the whole time I’m like, she’s going to send me the recording and it’s going to be just shit and you’ll never get this again. It only happens the first time. So we talked for three and a half hours like that. I kept making her save the conversation on her phone. It was just this heartbreaking story and she was just this amazing, wonderful person. She told it the way you hear it [on the episode].

The way she told the story was, she had this thing and then nobody could figure it out and then she went to CrowdMed and she got this answer and her problems seem to have gone away. So I was like, oh great. Story’s done, with the beginning, the middle and the end. There’s some writing that needs to be done just to patch it all together. But then – I can’t remember why. Why did I call Lisa Sanders? Why did I email Lisa Sanders? Oh right. I was trying to understand the biology of the thing. So I went to the medical science library in New York and I was like looking at different books about muscles and conditions. I had emailed Lisa Sanders just saying, ‘Hey, here’s a story. I’m curious what you think.’ She wrote back this kind of emergency e-mail saying, ‘Hey, this could be something very serious that was missed.’ So I asked Hope to get this test and immediately my whole story, which had this very convenient ending, was just thrown up into the air.

I had a moment where I went to, I think, Tim Howard who is our executive producer, and said I don’t think the story is done. Like, I don’t think we should air it. I don’t even know what it is anymore. And he loved it. He loved that there was confusion and doubt. Any time where most people would kill stories because they seem unresolved, Tim has this wonderful gift where he just leans into discomfort. And he’s like, ‘Great. You thought you had an ending and now you don’t. That just makes the story so much more interesting.’ And so we interviewed Lisa with Hope and then we basically ended with Lisa telling her to go and get this test. And then thankfully it turned out – we did an update on the story – and it turned out that she did not have the thing that Lisa was worried about. All is well.

RH: So is that uncertainty with how stories are turning out something that you have always been somewhat comfortable with, to just have faith in the process? Or is that something you’ve developed at Gimlet?

SP: I’ve always been really stubborn. I think most people who work with me on stories, even before I came to Gimlet will say that I tend to do a lot of interviews. I tend to keep pushing at things. If there’s somebody who doesn’t want to talk to me, I tend to keep trying and emailing them or calling or showing up, and say, ‘Hey, are you sure? Here’s a good reason to talk to me.’ So I think all of that has been put to good use at Gimlet. Whereas before, maybe it was a lot of spinning wheels, here stories can go in directions that you just didn’t expect and that is all for the best.

I think it’s very uncomfortable to be a reporter and think you have a certain ending and at the last minute have the bottom fall out from underneath you. But are Reply All, at least I feel like I have the support with the whole team where they can really step in and help me find a way to turn that non-ending into an ending. Or find ways to articulate why that makes a story a better story.

RH: If you don’t know how a story is ending, or for this example where you thought you had an ending and it completely changed, how are you deciding how to structure these things?

SP: We often tell stories in a pretty linear way. This is the way we discovered it, this is how the story moved on, and this is the point at which it ended. So as long as you keep that reporter perspective I think it’s pretty straightforward. An example is the boy in photo story, the one that I worked on with PJ for two years. We had certain questions and confusions at the very beginning of that story and it was important to tell it so that the listeners were always with us at that point in time. That, I think, buys you a lot at the end because they’re with you at the moment where it ended for you. You don’t have to make any big conclusions. It’s like, if they’re if they’re in your head at that moment, they understand the thing that you see. You don’t have to say, ‘This is a story about blah blah blah.’

RH: You’re not artificially being like, ‘This is the bow I want to put on it.’

SP: Yeah, exactly. The reporting is the story. The challenge is then to not be so meta about the thing. We have to be really careful in stories. How much are we talking about, I mean the boy in photo [story] is a great example where a huge part of the story was PJ’s discomfort in following this random person from the Internet who really just wanted to be left alone. And having me and Tim kind of push him into following him. But you can’t talk about that too much because then it’s a story about a story. I hope we are humble enough to know that just talking about what we’re feeling at any given moment does not a story make. You can use that for a second but then it has to quickly move on.

RH: This is sort of a little bit of a technical question. If you were out in the field, how would you create a little studio if you had to?

SP: I’ve done this before Reply All. I have a very thick duvet, which every radio producer should own, and I sat in my closet and I would record all my narration. As a freelancer without access to a studio, that’s how I did it. It was totally fine. Now I just record interviews out in the field but I’ve never had to record narration outside. I could do it. I could stick to my blanket method. The problem is you have to make sure – especially when you’re doing a long episode, most of the stories I’ve done are over thirty minutes that’s a lot of tracking – and so you have to make sure it all matches in terms of sound. Tracking an 8-minute story is super easy under the blanket. Thirty minutes, you probably might want to get one studio and stick to that one studio.

RH: What was your set up under the blanket?

SP: I had to have a headlamp so I could see my script if it wasn’t on my computer. Oh I didn’t used to have my computer because it would make an annoying fan noise so I’d print out my script to get a headlamp, sit under my duvet, sweat profusely. So I’d have to come out for air every now and then and just do it. I would do it differently, honestly, now if I had to do it. It’s so helpful to have a friend track you. One of the things at Reply All, we almost have another producer in the room. So they can tell you like, ‘Hey, do it again,’ or ‘More conversationally,’ or like ‘Close the computer and just tell me what you want to say.’ So if you want that level of support then get a bigger duvet or maybe even phone in a friend so they can tell you how you sound.

RH: Do you mean get a bigger duvet so your friend can be under it with you?

SP: I know. It’s a ridiculous idea. You know Meghan Tan from the Millennial [podcast]? She has a system, which I think is pretty brilliant, where she has a photo of her best friend with a martini glass, I believe, and she sticks it in the room in the closet where she records. And so when she’s tracking she’s like talking to her friends

RH: I think that’s all the questions that I have. Thank you so, so much for your time I appreciate it so much.

SP: Thank you.

[travisapel]

Interview with artist, Allegra Hangen

Last year my family and I saw the Frida Kahlo: Letters and Photographs exhibition at El Museo Latino in Omaha, Nebraska. That is when I met Allegra Hangen, the museum’s Education and Exhibitions Coordinator. We sat down at a craft table and she demonstrated for us how to make a miniature weaving with scrap yarn on cardboard. During our brief conversation at the table I learned that she is also an artist. Soon I looked into her work.

Allegra Hangen is a multidisciplinary artist whose work is highly influenced by her background in photography. Through the use of found footage and images from the archive, she addresses concepts around memory, family and their representations in mediated images, linking them to other issues including visual culture’s role in politics, the power of visibility, and language. Her video installations tend to include found and mass-produced materials that refer to repetition, fragmentation, the home, and the screen. 

Allegra received her BFA in Photography from the Art Institute of Boston (now Lesley University Art and Design) in 2014 and her MFA in Visual Art from the Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México (UNAM) in Mexico City in 2019. She was selected as a recipient of the Stephen D. Paine Scholarship in 2014. Her work has been shown in various places in the United States, Mexico, Argentina, and Canada. In 2018, she had two solo shows in Mexico City: Weightless, exhibited at Salón Silicón and Visibilities: Iconicity and Intimacy on the Screen at Pandeo. She is currently a 2020 fellow at the Union for Contemporary Art in Omaha, NE. 

Allegra agreed to join me in discussing her work in a meaningful way. Here is our conversation:

Travis Apel

This situation that we are in with COVID-19 is difficult to make sense of when and where things will get back to the way we remember them. How has this pandemic changed or affected you? 

Allegra Hangen

It’s affected me in so many ways, as I think it has for almost everyone in the world. It’s flipped around previous priorities in different areas of my life, it’s given me some really amazing alone time, it’s allowed me to completely convert my living room into my studio and to consider where—or into what—I want to pour my attention. (Unfortunately social media has proven to be a huge time and energy suck but I’m working on that, as I imagine many others are at this point, too). Of course it isn’t always so idyllic as I’m making it sound, but I have definitely been enjoying much of it.

I don’t think we’ll really get back to things the way we remember them and honestly I hope we don’t. I think all of this has made very visible the toxic and unsustainable structures which have been widely accepted as “normal” but that desperately need to be uprooted. Lately I’ve been thinking critically about how I can react to this on a personal level, how I can remove myself and my ways of thinking and being in the world from these oppressive structures, whether that be from under them or from perpetuating them. I think this can be a huge opportunity for us to really critically look at ourselves and our complacency toward so many things happening in and to this world, and to search for innovative ways to construct something new.

TA

Yeah, I totally get your point about this being a critical time to reflect on how precarious this whole situation has been for way too long. This is a sobering moment when we think that it may eventually come to an end and the power brokers will try and pull us back. It’s happening now. But on a positive note, you got a show coming up.

In about a week you and co-curator will present a virtual exhibition in A Memory Held in You, sponsored by Amplify Arts Generator Grant. How will that event look for viewers who will be keeping a safe distance?

AH

Yeah it will probably be a tough process coming out of this but the most important thing is to just take care of ourselves and our communities right now, I think.

And yeah! Alex Jacobsen and I are opening (launching?) our exhibit A Memory Held in You both online as well as in the physical Generator Space. We’ll be utilizing FB, IG, and Amplify Art’s new virtual gallery space on their website to post and share things over the six weeks that the exhibit will be up.

The initial idea was to perform in the physical space with two dancers and an installation around which the audience could walk. But in light of the pandemic, we’ve had to really rethink “space” and how we share it. This is one of the reasons why we decided on utilizing various virtual sites to upload different aspects of the show: so the viewer has the ability to hop from platform to platform, constructing their own virtual, but still somehow spatial, experience of the installation. We’ll be uploading content every week on these platforms throughout the course of the show, and the first week of May we’ll kick off the exhibition with a livestream performance on FB/IG.

That being said, we’re still going to install in the gallery, but as a kind of “window display” that uses the whole space. People are encouraged to walk by the gallery on one of their daily walks (or bike or drive) to look through the window and get a glimpse of the videos and sounds that are playing in the locked space—held in the space. 

TA

That’s interesting how you and your group will provide new content every week and using many virtual platforms. It sounds like the exhibition will be “living,” which spans over a period of weeks, rather than the single moment in time like a reception that we’re used to attending. 

AH

I love thinking of it as living! Thanks for that word. It will definitely be more immediate than a physical gallery exhibit at least, anyone can access it from their bed, probably on the same device they’re using to read this. I think moving forward many more things will be virtual, especially arts-related, and I’m so excited to see how platforms will be utilized, or new ones established, to accommodate for “real experiences” online.

TA

Yeah, it will be new seeing how things move forward.

At what age did you become interested in collecting archival footage for creating your content?

AH

It was when I learned about the technique of found footage in my experimental film class in undergrad. I was already attracted to archival images and my family’s VHS tapes, but learning about its history made me understand that it was a viable way to make art (whatever that means…) and not just another hoarding pattern of mine, ha! Maybe it all still comes from a hoarding tendency, but at least I can justify it better now under the concept of found footage. It actually really started with one specific tape that contains material from converted 16mm and 8mm films that one of my family members filmed roughly between the 1930s and late 1950s in Iowa and Nebraska. Someone compiled all of the film footage onto the VHS tape to show it at a family reunion many years ago, but when I found it again during college I was really impacted by it both personally and for formal and conceptual reasons. I still react very strongly to these images and continue to work with the tape.

TA

Our condition of completing repetitive duties in the workforce often for years can bury past experiences into dormancy. What is it about your practice that can bring an audience to recall memories that were once forgotten? Why does that matter?

AH

I don’t know about making anyone recall a forgotten memory, I can’t even do that for myself! But I tend to look at the political and cultural patterns that show up in this found footage: in the way it’s shot, what the person actually decided to film, and the various objects and behavioral patterns that appear in the scenes. This inherently makes the images seem familiar to a wide range of people in this country. Friends, professors, or other people who have watched these videos but who aren’t from the U.S. have mentioned a familiarity with these images too, although this is a very different sensation of familiarity because it’s a mediated one that comes from (and references back to) American cinema from Hollywood. There’s something really interesting, as well, in that kind of mediated memory, or a distanced familiarity with media messages…

I’m not sure if any of this matters in the grand scheme of things but it’s something that I’m still very much interested in and continue to go back to in my work, in terms of looking critically at my identity as an American from a Midwestern family, in terms of trying to understand my country’s propaganda, and looking at how national patterns become integrated in our own intimate ways of being. (I’m thinking more specifically here about things that came up in work that I made while in my MFA program at UNAM in Mexico).

TA

Invitation to Ceremony was compelling to me. I am curious about the collaborative nature of the work. Did the performers create their choreography around Alex Jacobsen’s Baptism, or independent of it? Can you explain the process how these layers came together? 

AH

Everything happened (and is still happening) really fluidly and naturally with this collaboration. Invitation to Ceremony isn’t necessarily a standalone video, I was always thinking of it as a documentation of/for a potential performance (which, if we were able to commune in a space, A Memory Held In You would have been that performance). The dancers, Gayle and Isabella, created all their own choreography but in a very intuitive and maybe even minimal or deconstructed way (I wonder if they would describe it that way…). They had a few repeating choreographed gestures based on some concepts we had talked about but they also played around with other techniques, responding to each other through movement. They improvised for a couple hours to a few different tracks of Alex’s and I just kept recording.

While editing the video, I was thinking about overlapping memories, the many memories held in a body or in a space, and recalling a memory through a bodily, physical gesture.

TA

Your PIP editing of Invitation to Ceremony presents a balance between the simultaneity of double footage and context for place. What did you enjoy most about putting this project together?

AH

Yeah, I saw this as a pretty literal tool to talk about that idea of overlapping or simultaneous memories. I also saw it as a way to combine all the different elements that would be present in an installation: movement, sound, and found footage/video. Because as an installation they would all be experienced at the same time in a physical space, I wanted to collapse that space in the video as well.

I enjoyed really just being able to play around with this project and to create again after a year of many transitions, long-distance moves, job changes, etc. This project really jumpstarted a bunch of new ideas around different ways to make and show work, and it kind of kicked me back into the routine of making again.

TA

Let’s switch gears a little and talk about your photography. Your black and white series titled, Vista is an interesting exploration with capturing a nude figure in a forest carrying a mirror. At first I was deceived by the mirror thinking the images were collaged. What was the intent of those photographs?

AH

I feel pretty distant from this particular project now, but I still see it as having marked the coming to light of lots of theoretical concepts and visual tendencies that I’m still working with now. What I was mainly concerned with at the time was questioning our trust in the photographic image and distorting human figures. 

Deception was definitely a sensation I wanted to provoke with these. They’re manipulated images but the photos are not; I’m always drawn back to this fine line that exists between the falsity and the truth of photography (thinking of images used for propaganda, for example).

These are large format photos (4x5), so the details are pretty sharp when printed and the black borders of the film sheet (and the silver-gelatin print itself) try to reinforce the idea that this is a “straight” photograph on film, printed in the darkroom and without any post-production manipulation. This “photographic proof” confirms the truth of the photograph as an object, but the subject matter (the image) remains distorted. A lot of my work tends to play with the tension in the perception of images in a similar way.

TA

I am really impressed by your Mirror + Light Studies. These works like your videos carry a consistent theme of play between opacity and transparency, and overlapping layers in space. I love how you set up an environment with variance with light sources, reflection and refraction on glass edges. The overlapping of projected light through fabrics and onto wood grain creates beautifully graphic images. Some of the photos play tricks on me with disorienting perspectives. Will you tell me about the evolution of these photographic studies?

AH

I took the majority of these photos in college when I started really getting into experimenting with projections and materials instead of just printed photographs. These materials are still main elements in my installations: mirrors, glass, wood, light, video projections, fog. At that point I was really inspired by the work of Sara VanDerBeek (and forever will be), and I remember one image of hers that utilized a yoga mat, a few other 3D elements, and light to create an abstract composition. At the time it really made me consider the formal elements of found objects and I started experimenting with building and shooting within my own “environments,” thinking a lot about fragmentation, abstraction, and flattening especially through the use of mirrors. These photographs were sort of by-products of other video projects I was developing, but just as it happens so many times, I ended up liking these studies more than the final videos of these environments.

TA

Back to your videos for a moment. The experimental work, Paperdrip could be a suspense flick in five minutes. Do you see yourself making more collaborative works like this one in the near future?

AH

Haha! Thank you. This video is mainly about the sound; it was the first project where I really worked with recording and editing sound (it really needs to be mixed though, yikes). As a video it’s a pretty banal split-screen video of a paper towel and black ink but the sound really overwhelms and makes it feel suspenseful. I remember showing it at a pop up show in my school right after I made it and someone had to take the headphones off because it was too intense, but watching the images alone seemed somehow playful (at best, but more like boring and slow). Before making this piece, I was pretty naive to the power of sound.

I tend to err on the side of eery with a lot of my videos and I gravitate toward deep and intense sounds, so something like this will definitely come out again in the near future—and I think a few of the more recent things I’ve been making already do exhibit this suspenseful or dark vibe, I don’t know. I kind of have to check in with myself and ask “Ok, is this just off-putting now?,” but at the same time I’m learning to embrace that and even lean into it.

TA

I agree, sound can be so powerful. It can be as soothing as a lullaby, or harsh as a weapon. Anyway, I’ll be looking forward to your application of sound in new works. 

Because your experimental videos focuses on memory I think that your use of archival footage playing on a loop and/or in reverse is an effective way to address memory retention. More than an art form, your videos have a relevant function. It simulates the rumination and rehearsals that occupy our minds at times. Given the profound disruption that we are still dealing with, have you imagined works that are specific to this moment and if so, will you elaborate?

AH

I’m definitely thinking about works specific to this moment. Alex and I are talking about that for a few of the videos that we’ll release during A Memory Held in You over the next few weeks. We’ve been talking about our devices and sort of rhetorically questioning whether they can be better at holding our memories (and tastes and interests and…) than we are. I’m also thinking about all the new possibilities (and limitations) that technology and social media are really offering us in this time—in so many aspects—but especially creatively. The computer has been my main tool and medium since I started working principally with video, but now I’m thinking about my phone and social media both as potential mediums for creation as well as tools for editing, sharing, and collaborating in a completely new way.

I think interacting in a solely mediated way (through our phones, computers, or whatever other device) is going to really change our perception of memory in the long run, in a similar way that our perception of time has already quickly begun to change (disintegrate?) while in quarantine. I’m not sure exactly how this will play out but there’s something beautiful about it being such a collective and virtual experience.

* * *

For more information about A Memory Held In You, visit 

https://www.amplifyarts.org/virtual-generator-space-1

A Memory Held In You: Opening Virtual Performance on Friday, May 8; 8-9pm

Facebook Live: https://www.facebook.com/amplifyarts1/ Instagram Live: https://www.instagram.com/amplify_arts/

To see more work of Allegra Hangen, check her out at

allegrahangen.com

vimeo.com/allegrahangen

Instagram @allegrahangen

Facebook facebook.com/allegra.hangen

[kelseysmellison]

Passions and Promises

Hello you! I hope you’re good!

I don’t come on tumblr everyday as much anymore but when I do, I seem to get a bit personal, so I’m sorry. But I feel like I should document this as sometimes I will write these kind of entries at pivotal or difficult moments in my life, and then a few years later, I look back and reflect in awe of how things have changed! And I think that’s a good thing! I feel like you should know too, so if some things go down or some things change, you’re not like wtf is going on??? It’s long, it’s a big story time haha.

So, as some of you may know, when I first started having a more online presence, I was at a private musical theatre school, one of the top ones in the country. I got in with a scholarship. Usually to get one, you do a normal audition and then if they think you are very talented, you do a scholarship audition. However, the headteacher saw potential in me on the first audition and I was the second person in the history of the school to be given a straight scholarship. Shook was the least I could say I was.

I had an incredible time at college! I made one of my best friends there, I moved from home at 17 in my second year and grew as a person a lot! I did well in classes, especially lyrical dance, in screen acting and singing! We were promised if we worked hard, we would be successful. It looked pretty true when I got given an award from a highly appreciated person in the industry at the end of my time there and a small hint that I could join a very good agency after I left. However, in my third year, there was always something nagging me in the back of my mind. As much as I loved musical theatre, I just wasn’t sure if it was me. I loved doing all 3 things separate (singing, dancing, acting), and I loved watching shows...but especially when I was given the Lady Gaga project in my third year, I knew creating, being a character, researching and dressing as that character, doing my own kind of show felt more right. But I put that to the back of my mind. I’d been doing musical theatre for years, it’s what I loved!?

I graduated college and none of those promises really came true. I couldn’t get an agent. I don’t fit the standard musical theatre look. I’m too small for cruises and most chorus lines. And I’m not a good enough singer to be a principal in a show. I auditioned a lot, even moved to London prematurely in my opinion (because that’s what everyone else was doing, it’s where you needed to be!). Nothing.

But then I came across my ex music manager through connections at college! She was looking for a small, brunette dancer and singer. I was in her music videos, and also backing sung for her for a while. I also got signed to a dancing agency, things were looking up! (I was promised lot’s of jobs from them, but I’ve only got 2 since.) Then, a huge fork came up in my life. I auditioned for a job in Disneyland Paris...and I got it. At the same time, my manager said she wanted a meeting with me and an investor of music, to develop me as a solo artist, they promised a lot of things, they made it sound very compelling and I was very naive of the music industry. The thing that stood out to me was that “Disneyland Paris is always going to be there, this opportunity might not be.” That thing that was nagging me in the back of my head when I graduated took over. I took a shot and signed with the newly formed record label, I was their first artist!

We wrote songs for a long time (Boom Boom was wrote in 2012!!) and I found a passion I knew I had, but didn’t know I could actually do! Songwriting, making music, video concepts, styling. Basically creating. We finally came out with Pom Pom and it did very well online! But with various unlucky events things went down in the label and I was basically left to do most of the things myself. Booking shows, making my own music videos (boom boom) etc. This went on for years. I had to move back to Barnsley because I was struggling financially. At this time, my youtube was also doing pretty well, and I really enjoy doing it, so thought I should continue with that too! I wasn’t making enough to have either as a career so I had part time jobs at bars and at Barnsley hospital too.

I was stuck in Barnsley, I love my hometown and I love my family, but there is nothing there for me. A lot of my friends were in London, and so were the opportunities. I wanted to audition for things, but it was hard. I went to London on the megabus twice a week sometimes to go for classes in London and meetings about youtube, music etc. Since I was a bit stuck, I decided to focus on youtube a bit more, as it was another passion of mine! I got promised by a network that they would help me get brand deals, help me with my channel, take me to events for networking! I was excited about this. But it never happened. I’ve not got one deal or event from them. I’ll be cutting them out very soon.

Finally I saved up enough money to move back to London.Just!! But a job popped up on facebook that looked perfect! Work at Harrods on commission, on the hours I wanted to do! It was great because I could still do youtube, music and audition for things! I took a leap because I knew two others who wanted to move too and did it. This time I was more mature and aware, I was more financially secure too!

A few months after I moved, I decided I wanted to get more music out, I was emailing and meeting back and forth with my music management. Then, they had an idea about forming me into a group. I loved the idea and I still do! At that time, my label had a lot of promising things going on, a huge PR company backing them, major labels taking interest. I was promised good things. We started on K.OH! and started writing with a few people, who also had faith in me and the group and promised me things. But then, a series of unfortunate events again made everything fall through. The financial backing was pulled because the section of the major label that was interested was also pulled for financial reasons. Making the video for Ponytail was left to me again on £50 of my own money. We did it and I’m proud of it!

After Ponytail came out, I discovered my contract had ended with my music management months ago and was never made aware. Basically K.OH! are on our own. One good thing about this though is that I’m now not tied to one music project, I can still do my own music...and other things as I’m not in a 360 contract. It ended on good terms still and even though they can’t really help financially, I am still getting advice and guidance from them. However, now I’m on my own I’ve faced a lot of obstacles. I’ve been thrown into managing things I can’t handle myself. People have become distant and don’t want to work as much with me because I don’t have that promise of making them money because I’m not backed. It’s looking very tough. But I don’t want to give up as it’s something I’m very passionate about.

This year, I’ve also been getting small acting jobs on films and on adverts. What’s weird is that on every job of these I’ve done, I’ve never wanted to come home. I’ve wanted to do it everyday. This has rarely happened to me. I remembered being highly complimented at musical theatre about my screen acting skills. Acting is something I’ve actually wanted to do since I can remember. When I was a kid, I had some Disney Princess costumes, I would put them on in the morning and would act as that character the WHOLE DAY. I wouldn’t answer to Kelsey, I wasn’t her, I was that Princess. I would imagine I was on a film and I was that person. My mum would literally have to explain at school who I was and the teachers would have to play along haha! I love cosplaying, bringing people’s creations and characters to life, and if you’ve seen my videos, whenever I do a character, I will act as them. Also if I’m doing lookbooks, I will also put on a different character for each outfit (especially my hogwarts one). I’ve never considered screen acting or wanted to even try for it. One, because I have very little experience or training in it...two because of how I look. Why would a casting director go for someone with a distracting eye over someone with perfectly normal eyes?

I have an extra job on a HUGE film at the moment (I can’t tell you what, but I’m a huge fan of it and they are being so top secret about it). And I had a conversation with someone in the industry. They picked me out and gave me a lot of encouragement and tips, said I should try acting, and...promises. I was very excited about this, but then I thought.

I just don’t know if I can trust what anyone in this industry says anymore. I don’t know what I should do anymore. I’m actually in a pretty good point in my life right now, I’m working at viewster creating videos, so I have a job that pays rent and lets me also freely do youtube, music and performing jobs...but still, I feel like I’m at another fork in my life or just stuck.

I know I want to continue making music to my abilities as best as I can. I know I love youtube. But this new, (well not really new, since I’ve always thought about it) burning passion I have that I can’t stop thinking about for this past year is also eating at me. I know it would be fucking hard. People won’t cast me because of that specific reason, but people may also cast me despite or even because of it. But I have to be good at what I do, I have to be better than maybe some people because of it. I have to have thick skin and honestly, I think I have a pretty thick one, all of these things that have happened have helped in a weird way. What if all of these things were bringing me to this part of my life?? Or what if it’s just another promise and passion that’s going to end in nothing.

Might as well have a go since I don’t really have anything to lose and I’m not really committed to any contracts or anything any more. Let’s see how it goes. First off I am going to look in to actually getting a bit more training. I’m going to get some headshots and I’m also going to apply for student/independent/no budget films for a showreel and just to see if it is something I really want to do.

If I never hit the big screen, at least I’m on your youtube screen! I also may try and incorporate some of this passion more into my videos. I may stop doing weekly uploads and concentrate on bigger, more higher quality videos. I’m not sure yet. 

But yeah...that’s where I am right now. Hello lmao

[theyoilibrary]

Youtuber AU Masterlist

The Bells And The Beats -  nuclearchinchilla

Summary:  In which Leo and Guang-Hong become famous YouTubers, Yuuri and Viktor get married, and large nets are somewhat involved in all this.

Birds of A Feather -  nocturnal_wanderlust

Summary:  Katsuki Yuuri is a 20-year-old dance student at an arts college. He dreams of one day gracing the world stage with his unique dance style. However, he usually holds himself up in his room watching Youtube videos of his favorite dancer, Viktor Nikiforov. When Yuuri gets the opportunity of a lifetime he's not sure how to respond. Follow Yuuri on his journey towards becoming a more confident dancer and winning Viktor's heart.

Break Me Down, Down, Down -  legolifesaver

Summary: Yuri refused to let anyone call his videos “pointless”. He spent too much of his time on them and he wasn’t about to let some asshole question him.orYuri runs a fashion channel, Otabek makes covers, and they both meet in the middle.

Changing Seasons -  Soigne

Summary: Seasons come and go, mostly in the same fashion of obsessions and numerous phases. Nearly all of the greater bit of the population go through these small trifles and continue on with life without a second thought- but not Victor Nikiforov. He has an undying interest in a smaller YouTuber by the name of Katsuki Yuuri, and what makes it even worse, is the fact that he has no idea whatsoever as to why. He doesn't even want anyone to find out about his seeming obsession, and still, he's still watching his YouTube videos at four in the morning when he can't sleep. Better yet- he can't stop watching the younger male's videos with great integrity and character being discovered within himself. Viktor can't find himself becoming bored with whatever is drawing him to the other YouTuber, and he's even becoming concerned for his own mentality at the same time. Of course, there's no real harm, as he would never be able to meet the YouTuber in real life- that is, until he stumbles upon him at PlayList Live, and fangirls like a complete imbecile in front of thousands of his subscribers.Also, the fic in which all of the characters are absolute dorks, and Viktor is too gay and sassy to function.

Collab With Me? -  SindarDragonRider

Summary: After Phichit posts a video of Yuuri watching Viktor Nikiforov's latest video, one thing leads to another and suddenly Viktor's flying to Detroit to do a collaboration with Yuuri.Viktor, of course, is excited to get to know and befriend the beautiful vlogger he saw online and quickly became infatuated with. Yuuri's freaking out because THE Viktor Nikiforov - one of the most successful YouTubers in the world - is talking to him and he has no idea what he's doing (of course, he's secretly just as excited as Viktor himself)aka the YouTube AU where Yuuri's a cinnamon roll and Viktor loves him for it

Cook Cook Fall in Love -  Blackbeyond

Summary: Victor Nikiforov is the most decorated chef in the world.Yuuri is a YouTuber who happens to cook his recipes.There's only so much Victor can resist when there's a cute, Japanese boy complimenting him and correcting him and saying he'd be an amazing teacher.What else is he supposed to do but teach him?

Go for Tech -  HopeCloudsObservation

Summary: Yuuri and friends(?) volunteer as staff at a convention. Yuuri tries his best to keep himself together, but that hasn’t exactly gone well for him before. It’s one thing being manager; managing this department in particular is another challenge entirely.“I’m not sure how I survive it every year to be completely honest.”

Haute -  Watermelonsmellinfellon

Summary: Yuuri is a hot dancer and a dedicated fasionista. He doesn't care what the haters have to say on the matter, he knows it and his subscribers know it. Shockingly, Victor Nikiforov seems to think so as well. And when Victor's attention is focused on Yuuri, life begins to take an interesting twist.Has Victor always been so extra?

Hello World! -  nocturnal_wanderlust

Summary:  Yuuri Katsuki is pushed into creating a YouTube channel by his best friend and roommate, Phichit. Through his channel Yuuri is able to gain a following and the attention of one of his favorite YouTubers.

helpless -   Barricadesatfleetstreet

Summary: The 'they are small Youtubers who just happened to find eachother online' au absolutely no one asked for.

How to save a life -  obtainjh

Summary:  Music AU in which Yuuri is a somewhat known musician who due to family issues had to leave music and focus in his studies but never quite left music and started a YouTube channel that got even more popular the moment Viktor Nikiforov, a reknown musician, watched one of Yuuri's renditions of his songs.

How Would You Feel -  aypreal

Summary:  “I have a feeling that Mr Evil Hamster’s main goal was for me to announce my status quo to the world in guise of having to play an acoustic love song. Anyway, let’s get this over with. This one’s for you baby.”

I love you, my dear -  indianchai

Summary:  Musician au where famous YouTube singer Victor is practically in love with a famous singer/lyricist named Lilith (who has never revealed his true identity to the public). Victor feels compelled to go to Lilith's first show of his world tour (even though he's never met him) and on the flight there, he sits next to this guy named Yuuri, completely oblivious to the fact that Yuuri is his idol, Lilith.

ILYSB -  aypreal

Summary:  The excuse was; the last available flight from Kazakhstan to Moscow was three days before the main show, the 2017 Spring Fashion Week, the next flight was a day after the closing of the season. Someone must have played a joke and somehow misrouted all the planes for the Kazakhstan-Moscow route. Then of course, given that it was crowded for the Moscow Fashion week, all hotels were booked and Yuri was one of the higher staffs under Viktor that doesn’t have any partners nor family members staying with him. So as courtesy for the imported DJ, Yuri was tasked to host the man who will bring the music to Viktor’s schemes. Otabek Altin.

Intertwined -  FutabaYoshioka

Summary:  Phichit is a YouTuber and Yuuri has been harbouring a crush on Viktor for way too long. After Yuuri's poor performance at the Grand Prix Final and the depression that followed him afterwards, Phichit decides it is time to bring them together.

On New Found Determination -  ReccoFanfiction

Summary:  A helpful stranger pointed out the high points of Yuuri's performance at the Grand Prix and it causes a changes throughout Yuuri's life and future.

Polyamory 101 -  Bassarid

Summary:  Based on a prompt by Lorienleylines: "an au where Phichit, Guang Hong, and Leo are all college students, Phichit is a semi-famous youtuber, and he invites Guang Hong and Leo to join him on his channel to answer submitted questions about polyamory. (Established relationship pls)"

Show Some Pinterest! -  Goggles_McGee

Summary: After a devastating defeat at a big cooking competition, Yuuri Katsuki is distraught but his friends come up with a way for him to continue cooking without that much pressure. And it's just a great way to have run and share their interests with others. They start a YouTube channel called: Show Some Pinterest!They find pins on Pinterest to try, like recipes, DIY crafts, and workout plans.Yuuri loves it. He loves the comfort of working with his friends, he loves that he still gets to cook. Sure, he's a but upset that he utterly failed at his favorite competition, not to mention, failed in front of his idol chef. But he tries to put that all behind him.But how can he do that when said idol tracks him down in Detroit and wants to coach him so he can redeem himself at the very competition he failed at?

sugary sweet -  kevincriesblood

Summary:  Katsuki Yuuri works at a coffee shop. Unfortunately, it is a coffee shop that happens to be his idol's favorite. He regularly sees the vlogger he has posters of, which he's not sure if that's good or bad. Yuuri also has a not safe for work blog that he updates, with a rather sweet, odd anon. It's also an issue that he fantasizes that this anon is his idol. He'd never really date a guy like Yuuri, right?

You Have (1) Notification -  arzenpai, hosarin

Summary: Katsuki Yuuri wouldn't call himself an internet sensation, no matter how many people followed them for their skating videos and Phichit's prank vines. Despite the number of people who would recognize him and ask for a selfie on the street, his life is plain.On the other hand, Viktor Nikiforov is an internet sensation, but he needs inspiration.He finds it when Mila shows him a video from the channel Shall We Skate.

Yuri and The Science Experiment -  ushijimascacti

Summary:  Yuri Plisetsky is quick to become addicted to something, whether that “something” be breaking a world record held by his Japanese rival or learning about biology and the scientific world. The young 16 year-old is the secret face of the youtube channel “Как сделать”, or “How to Make”. This channel features a variety of videos from anti-aging potions to the creation of the Homunculus, one of Yuri's greatest achievements (other than earning gold at the Grand Prix Final the year previous). He is very proud of this fascinating discovery and made it by entering a random donor’s sperm into the yolk of an egg. After this step, he covered the egg and left it to incubate for many weeks. Over time, he has created two successful organisms and in this story attempts to make one more. This time, though, he is too impatient and the outcome is a bit… annoying. (P.S. idk russian so pretend he’s talking in russian!!!!!)