#the turtle is causing both the noise and the stress

[iamthecomet]

Woke up with a great idea for some Swiss/Dew nipple play. But my turtle has not stopped attempting to escape his tank since I woke up. It has been so many hours of constant scrabbling (and me getting up to give him a look like "hey get your hands off the top of your tank right now stop that") and I am now flirting with actual insanity. This is the reason I will never have children. So, uh, that Swiss/Dew nipple play idea might end up a little more insane than I originally planned. You're welcome.

[scholastic-dragon]

Ooh, that kissing prompt is a good one. It was hard to choose.

I would love some Bayverse Blurple. (Or just Leo or Donnie) and either kissing in the heat of the moment, or laughing while kissing.

Thank you in advance if you take this ask, or if not, that's okay too!

A call for blurple is one that must be answered

For you friend, absolutely

Disclaimer: turtles and reader are over 21 in this because they're drinking. They are adults!!! No minors!!!

Leo x Fem!reader x Donnie

Two Nights

Warnings: some drinking, reader, and turtles get a little tipsy, turtle smoothces, neck kisses, gets a bit steamy and suggestive at the end, vern almost being a co*k blocker, spelling mistakes,

It was Friday.

The sun had set, the night was cold, and yet you and one of your best friends were giggling and sitting up on the roof of your apartment building.

You'd bought cheap wine, chocolates, and candy from the store and just let the weeks stress go.

You popped another chocolate into your mouth and glanced at your friend. A 6' foot tall vigilante turtle with a heart of gold.

The blue banded turtle sighed as he looked out onto the glowing city.

"What really brought you here?" You take a sip from the wine bottle, carefully setting it down between you too.

"I'm so nervous about tomorrow," He chuckled, taking the bottle and having a long sip. He licked his lips, shivering slightly.

Untucking your own blanket, you scoot closer and throw half of it over his shell and shoulders. Thank goodness you picked the large blanket.

"Tomorrow should be exciting, though, right? I mean, it's a big ceremony for you guys and the police station,"

He nods, taking another sip. He offers it to you, and you take it, the liquid starting to make you feel warm and fuzzy.

"You sure we should be drinking? Wouldn't want you to be hungover tomorrow," you chuckle softly. "Or worse, what if Splinter finds out?"

Leo chuckles. "My dad isn't going to find out, and I'm not going to have a lot, just enough for the nerves to calm down,"

You roll your eyes, taking a sip. A harsh breeze rolls through the air, you tuck yourself closer to his side.

He moves his arm to wrap around your shoulders, pulling you flush against his side. His hand resting on your shoulder.

Now that was a warm and fuzzy feeling.

Picking up the cardboard box of chocolates, you pop some into your mouth before offering some to Leo.

He takes one with a smile, both of you enjoying the silence of the city.

"Oh, I also have these!" Digging into your bag you pull out a plastic bag of different assorted candies. All different shapes and colors.

You both picked some out of that, but you got annoyed noticing that Leo was taking all the blue candies.

"Pick a different color! Everyone knows blue jolly ranchers are the best!" You complain, trying to grab said candy from his large palm.

"Have you not seen the mask? It's my thing!" He drops a handful of blue candy into his mouth, chewing loudly.

"You're gross," You nudge his shoulder, wrapping your arms around you.

He laughs, pulling you into his lap, handing you a green jolly rancher.

You angrily take the candy with a mumble of, "it's still not blue," and curl into his chest, resting your head on his shoulder.

He readjusts the blanket, pulling it over the both of you. You feel him sigh heavily, his shoulders were so tense.

"Why are you nervous about tomorrow?" You whisper, your cheek resting on his cool scales.

"I've started to kinda get a fear of crowded spaces, I hate the loud noises and the flashing lights, and then there's a whole section of the party where I have to be on stage with everyone staring at me,"

You nod, chewing on a candy. You wished you could get rid of his fear. "I think tomorrow is going to go great,"

"Yeah?" He peers down at you, you lift your head off his shoulder. "And why is that?"

"'Cause you're fucking awesome and deserve every award the police have,"

He starts chuckling at that, his eyes lighting up. You see the dread and disbelief flash across his face. Oh no, you couldn't have that.

"No, don't doubt it!" You start to poke his sides, making him yelp and try to move away from you.

"Y/n! Stop!"

You kept poking and tickling his sides, making him laugh and scoot back. Since you were on his thighs, you just went with him.

"Say it, and I'll stop!" You started to laugh with him, leaning forward.

"Y/n-"

"Say it!"

Instead of answering, he presses his lips to yours. Normally, you'd freak out, pull back, and ask why he did that. But given the wine, you started to kiss him back, giggling against his plush lips.

His hands landed on your upper back, holding you against his chest. He gently nipped your lip and licked the seam of your mouth.

You opened with a soft moan, giggling even more so as he tounge tasted of blue raspberry.

He pulled back, his eyes glossy and pupils blown wide, his hands rubbing your back comfortingly.

He was just so cute.

You leaned in, giggling and pressing quick pecks to his lips.

"What does this mean for us?" He asks between kisses.

"We'll figure it out tomorrow,"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were buzzing with energy the next night. Staring in the mirror at your dark indigo outfit, the straps made your chest look amazing, and you couldn't wipe the smile off your face.

Your phone buzzed, peering at it, you see that Donnie had texted you the address of the party. You called an Uber and arrived at Verns apartment.

He loved to show off, and these stupid, expensive police parties were a clear favorite.

Giving the bouncer your special plus one card, he leads you to the large open sitting area, full of people.

It was a large room, with vaulted ceilings and a gigantic TV. Everything just looked expensive, and knowing that almost made the place seem ugly.

It's not hard to spot your friends. You happily run up to them, giving large hugs and compliments.

"You guys look amazing!" You gush. Mikey and Raph both gave soft chuckles, adjusting the jackets on their suits.

"April found a tailor that was willing ta do strange measurements," Raph pulled on his red tie, clearly unused to the attire.

"But you are right, babycakes, we look fabulous," Mikey pretended to flip hair over his shoulder.

You giggled softly, turning to Donnie. He was wearing a black suit with a dark purple button-up shirt underneath. He looked very handsome.

"You look great tonight as well," Donnie smiles warmly, gesturing to you.

You shake your head, a small blush dusting your cheeks at just staring openly at him. "Oh, this old thing? It's been in my closet forever," You both laugh softly.

You glance around, taking in the large crowd, then suddenly, something feels out of place.

"Wait, where's Leo?" The boys make awkward faces, glancing to each other, debating on telling you.

"He's...grounded," Mikey rubs his palms on his pants.

"Grounded?" You repeat, glancing between the three of them.

"Yeah, Mr. Honor Boy himself got caught drinking last night. Came home tipsy, and Splinter benched him for a month," Raph crossed his arms over his chest. He almost seemed sorry for his brother: almost.

"What?" Thankfully, the guys took your shook as surprise and not guilt.

"I know, it's completely out of Leo's character! He even volunteered to go to the Hai'shi so he wouldn't have to tell Master Splinter about it," Mikey piped in.

You suddenly felt hot, and guilty. Oh, you knew it was a bad idea to share the wine with Leo.

"Are you alright?" Donnie asked, his hand gently touching your shoulder.

You jumped back: it felt like his touch had burned you.

"I...I need a moment, excuse me," you ducked out through the crowd, only watching the floor, but traveling deeper and deeper into Verns penthouse.

Throwing open the nearest door, you quickly rush inside and slam it shut behind you.

It was an office, whether it was Verns specifically or just for guests you weren't sure. There was a large brown desk to your left with floor to ceiling bookcases lining the wall in front of you and to your right.

You didn't bother to turn on the light, the window behind the desk providing just enough light from nearby buildings.

You started to pace, chewing on your nails.

This was not how the night was supposed to go. You and Leo were supposed to be dates, he had promised to dance all night with you, and you were finally going to discuss...well, whatever it was you both wanted.

You couldn't help the guilt, you had egged him on a little, but you never thought it'd end up like this!

"Y/n?" Donnie's head poked in through the door, he seemed worried. "Are you alright? You looked pretty spooked out there,"

"Yeah, it was just a bit stuffy in there," You waved a dismissive hand, feeling sweat start to drip down your neck.

He nodded, opening the door more and closing it with a light kick of his foot. He came to stand in front of you, a strange smirk on his face as he leaned in and whispered in your ear.

"You sure it's not because you were with Leo when he was drinking?"

Your stomach dropped, your face and neck flushing. "I-Wha....how did you...?"

"He was drunk!" Donnie gave a small chuckle, hooking his thumbs into his suspenders, still leaning down toward your face. "He told me everything,"

"Like, everything, everything?" At his nod, you swallowed hard. You'd be lying if you said you didn't also harbor some feelings toward the purple banded terrapin.

He and Leo had infected your heart and brain, but you never made any moves out of fear. One wrong move would either destroy your relationship or the brothers, and you weren't willing to take the risk: yet.

Your breathing picked up, trying to read his features.

Damn him, and his poker face!

"Are you mad?"

He leaned back, rocking on his heels as he clicked his tongue. "Mad one of us finally made a move? No." He stepped forward, out of instinct you stepped back until your back bumped the bookshelf. "Mad that you kissed him first, a little bit,"

"I...I don't understand," He leaned in, inches away from your face. Even though his hands were still in his suspenders, you felt caged.

He smirked, licking his lips as he leaned in. His lips ghosting your ear as he spoke. "Leo and I know how to share,"

He barely pulled back before you jumped forward, winding your arms around his neck and smashing your lips to his.

He didn't waste a second, one arm pressing into the small of your back and the other entwining his fingers in your hair.

His kisses were hard and passionate, finally letting out all those harbored and stored up feelings.

He pulled you away from the bookcase, his hand moving from your hair to the strap on your outfit.

His fingers dug under the fabric, pulling it down your shoulder, almost ripping the silk as he went.

You gasped. He pulled away, messily kissing down your jaw, then your neck. Placing wet kiss after wet kiss down until he reached when his hand was pushing at your dress strap.

"Donnie," You gasped, feeling his teeth run along your collarbone. He inhaled deeply as he ran his nose up your neck, taking in your scent.

"You smell amazing," He raved, going back in and kissing your swollen lips.

His tongue licked the seam of your lips, and just as you opened, the door swung open.

You and Donnie jumped away from one another, staring wide eyed at an equally shocked Vern.

He had a pretty blonde on his arm and a champagne glass in his hand. Clearly he had the same idea as you two.

He groaned, taking it your appeances. "Really, guys?"

It snapped you out of your daze, pulling up your dress strap and fixing your hair.

Donnie stepped toward Vern, reaching past him to grip the door.

"I'll reimburse you for any broken furniture," He slammed the door in Verns questioning face, locking it, ignoring Verns protests.

He turned back to you. "Wanna see if Verns pure oakwood desk was really worth the money?"

tags: @thelaundrybitch @turtle-babe83 @red-phoenixxx @happymoonangel @sharpwindow @dilucsflame33 @m1dnyt3-w0lf @strawberrycakeblog @mysticboombox @sketch-and-write-lover @sewerninno

[raphieeee]

How I think rise and 2012 would get along:

- Rise!Raph would defiantly be so defensive of 2012!Mikey, always making people apologise for being mean to him and giving him an actual chance to speak

- BUT! He would also be willing to try explain to the others where their faults are with the help of Dr Feelings

- Rise!Leo would be OBSESSED annoying the hell out of 2012!Raph, teasing yet also he would help build up his confidence? I feel like he could recognise Raph’s insecurity

- I think rise!donnie would like 2012!Loe ya first because he’s more serious and quiet but then end up missing his twins noise too much

- alternatively, I think he would also be the second (mikey being first) to realise that 2012!Leo is just putting up a front and is just as silly and goofy as his brothers

- 2012!Donnie would feel so small compared to his counter part, and Rise!Donnie wouldn’t pick up that his excited rambling on his ache im eyes was making the other upset, until Rise!Leo explains it in a kind way to BOTH of them

- cue Rise!Donnie explains to 2012!Donnie that he’s so confident because he knows his brothers trust him and that, being totally serious, if he has the power to create a fully working robot from scrap, he can do literally anything. (After a while he also explains that he too feels small, but when compared to the mighty power of magic)

- Rise!Mikey is going insane, they’re all so emotionally constipated and he’s getting a migraine from switching between Dr Delicate Touch and Dr Feelings

- Rise!April is so worried for her country part “are you eating enough?” “Can you really fight with just a fan?” “You dad WHAT?!”

- 2012!April feels like she just gained a big sister, even if she rather politely tells her not to speak about her crush on Donnie

- 2012!Raph shyly coming up to Rise!Raph after him and 2012!Mikey show each other their teddy collection, finally having the courage to join his little brother

- if it’s medic!rise!leo then he 100% pesters 2012!donnie about being more careful about overworking himself and managing his stress after his own Donnie got sick from it and had to be in bed rest for almost a whole month

- I love the whole rise!Raph helping 2012!leo with leadership but the main thing I see happening is him explaining the difference between leading a team and guiding a family.

- I also see rise!Raph helping 2012!splinter understand that he’s allowed to grieve the life his lost, not just his love, but also everything that came with being human. I think he learnt that that was what caused his own fathers shortcomings at the start and wants to help the other before it’s too late by helping him know that he’s allowed to want things to be different and that it doesn’t make him a bad father.

- 2012!mikey getting embarrassed about how bad his cooking is, genuinely ashamed when he sees how his counter part is, but rise!mikey loved a challenge and is determined to help him learn!

- 12!leo: “hey where did you get *super rare science thing*?” Rise!Donnie: “Oh I took it from the Foot Clan.” 12!turtles: “YOU WHAT?!”

-

I’ll add more as I think of them!

[robiinurheart33]

Writing rottmnt Headcanons because I have a whole folder on my notes app and I’m digging my claws into this show I will not lose hyperfixation on this.

Beware it is VERY LONG and some won’t make sense unless seeing other versions of the brothers first but I’m posting raph first

Raph (she/him) bi transfem

- used to chew everything or bite as a kid

- Had a big ass tail he uses to throw enemies

- Laughs/ smiles when he’s mad

- Once when they were younger, Raph changed his headband to like Leo and mikey and Donnie cried rlly loud because he wasn’t matching w Raph anymore

- Turtle food trash can

- Would often accidentally cut himself with his snaggletooth because he has a habit of biting his lips

- LOVES LOVES LOVES turtle plies

- Loves cats but bad with them (takes cat pics from a reasonable distance)

- Doesn’t like nuts

- Had a peanut allergy (I think this is in the show)

- Watched the pjo movie with mikey and listened to him rant about how bad it is

- Actually likes his human form (sometimes he puts on his cloaking brooch and stands in front of the mirror staring at himself) - mikey once walked in on him and they both got startled

- Sometimes his left eye will loose his vision and he’ll panic but it always comes back after a few hours

- Likes to doodle along with mikey

- Makes fun of Donnie for his obsession with the frozen soundtrack

- Puts on eyeliner cause then he looks pretty

- Eats guacamole straight from the jar

- Drinks milk from the carton and then sprinkles cereal into his mouth and chews

- Likes wedges

- Stress relief crochet with mikey

- Likes to tie his strings in a bow

- Churrs when happy (REAL)

- Once asked Donnie to install his own Shelldon in his room (Donnie said no)

- Once got rlly excited during Pictionary and threw a plate and it broke (if you get the ref can we be friends)

- When in arguments he can’t make eye contact properly so he settles on concentrating on something else - usually any object in front of him, the background or the floor

- Every once in a while he’ll drop the most dubious call out ever to one of their brothers just to laugh at their facial expression

- Started sobbing at the finale of Steven universe despite not watching the whole series before

- ^^ due to this he watched the movie and cried even more but decided not to watch the series in fear of just straight up crying every episode

- Listens to jazz to calm down

- Once raph went on all fours at 4am cause he couldn’t sleep and wanted to try out how an actual snapping turtle would walk and he scared the living Jesus out of Leo

- Each of them got a jellycat for raph and he felt so touched he cried

- She likes to chew on salad for the crunch (she just goes CRNBGGGCHH CRUNCCHZHHH it’s amazing )

- Scared of dogs (just a bit)

- Likes making random noises with his mouth whenever he’s bored or just doing anything menial

- Once he was hanging out with Donnie and meowed really loud which scared the fuck out of him

- “Lalalala” to most of his friends and family and everyone loves him for it (that one See You Again trend)

- Doesn’t like to be reminded that the meat he eats used to be alive

[scarytello]

Maybe just some NSFW Leo hcs with a fem!reader🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I LOVED YOUR DONNIE WRITING BTW HDHFJG

Thank you so much! ^_^ I'm having a lot of fun lol

[LEO NSFW HEADCANONS, FEM!READER]

CONTAINS: PRAISE KINK, SWITCH!LEO, SWITCH!READER, BREEDING KINK, HEAVY NSFW! MINORS DNI

Leo is ABSOLUTELY a switch, no doubt about it. He usually leans more dominant, but when he bottoms? He's a /huge/ brat.

If you top him, you'll have to tease him until he's begging and crying before you can actually get him to /behave/. He has a heavy breeding kink that goes both ways due to turtle instincts, and also has a huge weak spot for praise.

He loooves dirty talk, his need to talk giving him an absolutely filthy mouth. He also loves oral, and will stay between your thighs for hours. Absolutely a service top.

Leo likes to be tied up, you could even call him a rope bunny 👀

He also loves cockwarming, content to just bury himself into your cunt for as long as possible. It's intimate and relaxing for him, and he's definitely fell asleep with his cock inside you before lol

Leo is also the KING of aftercare, making sure you're clean and content before cuddling you for hours and purring like a particularly loud cat.

He's very vocal, and definitely has caused a few noise complaints...Or more than a few.

He loves to tease as well, but will crumple like paper if /you/ tease him, sitting on his lap and grinding against him but not letting him drop.

He'll go weak in the knees if you flutter your fingers at him, due to it being a mating behavior.

Speaking of mating, prepare to be fucked on every possible surface during mating season, because he isn't stopping until he's /sure/ you're thoroughly bred.

By the way, he's gonna use your tits as stress balls. He'll even go "Honka honka"!

[tmnt-obsessed-ace]

At what age were they allowed to go topside? Cause i feel leo would be much more over protective and strict compared to og!splinter in the show

Well there are a lot of factors in it.

First of all the turtles are different ages. If he kept them underground until they were all fifteen like his father did that wouldn't exactly be fair. (That would mean that Rafa goes up to the surface first and the other three dont or they all have to wait till Michel turns 15 which wouldnt exactly be fair either)

And theres also the fact that the people of this New York are denser than a bag of rocks. (Considering the sheer amount of times Leonardo got called a furry/scalie is extremely high)

If the turtles are mostly covered up majority of people wont pay too much attention to them.

Unlike in Leonardo's dimension where most people scream at the sight of mutants.

So...he can work with this.

There are rules of course. The boys have to stay covered up, do not talk to anyone, stay in the shadows, stay close to him, etc

He takes them up to the surface one by one when they hit the age of 10. Its a test to see if they will be able to handle the surface.

Rafa obviously goes first, and despite getting distracted by several pigeons and crying when they passed by a Mrs Cuddles display in the toy store window, Rafa passed with flying colors.

Leon was next the following year. He kept running off too many times so it took a few more tries for him to pass. (He almost ran into the busy street at one point, Leonardo swears his heart stopped for a moment.)

Dani's time up on the surface was two weeks after Leon's. It was marginally alright until the poor boy got sensory overload from the busy city (too bright, too loud, too much happening) and he ran away. It took Leonardo almost an hour to find him in a dark alley, head buried in his knees and hands clamped over his ears. Another pair of hands were also pressed over his. That pair belonging to an eleven, almost twelve year old girl named April O'Neil. That test was a bit of a train wreck but nothing a pair of noise canceling headphones and sunglasses couldnt fix. Dani passed his next test with flying colors.

(And he got a human bestie out of it too)

Lastly was Michel.

If he passed this test, Leonardo would let them all go to the surface by themselves.

Michel's test was the one that somehow went both horribly wrong and yet he passed on the first try.

Michel got lost. The crowd had got him separated from Leonardo. He could see his father anymore among the sea of people. He was alone. When Leonardo finally noticed that his youngest wasnt next to him anymore (maybe doing this test while he had a massive migraine was a bad idea. But he had promised Michel that they would do the test that night) he panicked. He panicked badly. He was running through the crowds, trying to find his baby, until he was kicked into an alley by a yokai of some kind

Meanwhile Michel was wandering the city streets, until he saw a very familiar piece of graffiti on one of the walls. And once he tapped it he saw a very familiar Skeleton yokai.

Back with Leonardo he tried to fight the offender but it was difficult. (Highly stressed plus bad migraine)

And suddenly he has a knife to his throat, the perp demanding his money and Leonardo wouldn't be harmed.

The voice is familiar. One he hadn't heard since the fire ten years ago. Leonardo rips the yokai's hood off, revealing it to be Splinter. Now a homeless mutant rat.

"Its you." They both say, having not expected to meet each other again.

And then Splinter is smacked in the head and knocked unconscious. Señor Hueso pulled Leonardo to his feet, Michel wrapping his arms around his papa.

He went to go get help in uncle Hueso. Which made him pass the test.

Leonardo hugged his baby boy and started dragging Splinter home. Michel passed the test. He handled the stressful situation like a champ.

Until he was safe in papa's arms. Then he bawled his eyes out.

Leonardo didnt blame him.

On the plus side they got another uncle out of the situation.

[melancholysway]

Serendipity (2007!Raphael x Fem!Reader) 7

CHAPTER VII: Connectedness

Chapter key:

——— = a flashback is happening or ending (——— followed by italics means the flashback is beginning)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ or ====

= perspective change

~ = small time skip

It had been a couple of weeks since you first met Raphael’s family. Determined to learn more about each member, you took the time to know each turtle individually.

You started first with Leonardo. He was the one you sensed that was wary of you the most. In just a few weeks, you learned some about who you later found out was the leader of the brothers.

---

“Leo?” After a couple of soft knocks on the shut wooden door, Leonardo pauses moments from beginning his meditation. He recognizes your voice and gets up from his criss-cross position.

Sliding the door open, he’s greeted with your smiling face. The only time the two of you have exchanged words was when you first met him, and the little comments you made here and there in a group conversation together.

“Hey, I was actually gonna start my woo-sa session,” Looking behind Leonardo, you see the different shelves full of lit candles and ambient white-noise playing from a tiny speaker.

“Did I interrupt? My bad, I just wanted to say hey to you,” Leonardo shakes his head and tells you it’s okay, inviting you inside the dojo.

“The vibe is nice in here,” You compliment, Leo seemed very clear of mind, and he thinks about how you would feel if he asked if you wanted to join him for a bit. Judging by the way Raphael has been acting around you, it’s clear that the turtle has a thing for you, and he didn’t want to get in the way of it or cause his brother to be jealous.

“That’s the point of meditation, you need a clear room with good energy and a good mindset to reach nirvana,” Sitting back down in his position on the chestnut rug with Japanese kanji text woven into it (thanks Raphael, for knitting that,) he pats the spot across from him, and you walk over to sit, accepting his invitation.

“Wanna try?” He asks. Leonardo seemed to enjoy meditation when it was on his own, but he was pausing his session to teach you how to do it. So, why not take this opportunity?

“Yeah, I’ll give it a shot.” You mimic Leo’s position, and sit criss-cross, your elbows resting on your knees. He takes a deep breath in, and you do the same.

“The goal is to clear your mind, anything negative you may be feeling prior to this session should be gone by the end of it.” You like the sound of that, the only thing you’ve been stressed about somewhat is work. Everything in your life has been going great so far, you repaired your friendship with Raphael, and you expanded your friend circle when he introduced you to his family. Was there something else that might be making you slightly stressed?

Maybe the fact that you were struggling with your feelings toward the hothead. You’re trying to find some type of courage to figure out what to say to him. I mean, what’s the worst he can say? He doesn’t see you that way? Besides, there’s been plenty of times you both have flirted with each other (although in a joking manner.)

So yes, maybe you needed this meditation session.

You follow Leo’s instructions, and he takes his time teaching you the proper way to begin meditating. It’s something new to you, but you were open to trying something that infatuated one of Raph’s brothers. Copying Leo, you’re breathing in and out the same time as he does, and you soon find yourself calm. Closing his eyes, you do the same, darkness now engulfing your sight.

Your mind on the other hand immediately raced to Raphael.

Your friendship hadn’t changed, if anything, it was better. But he constantly made his way into your thoughts, especially when you were down in the lair.

Speaking of the lair, it was a great place. Something new always happened down there, and you came to love it. Whether it be Leonardo trying to cook something, Donatello blowing something up in his lab, Splinter giving you the latest gossip on his soap opera, or Michelangelo playing a new video game and skateboarding in places he shouldn’t.

Raphael seemed to like spending the most time with you when he could anytime you were down in the lair. Alone, might I add. Sure, he spent time with his brothers and you as a group, but he much preferred to be with you alone. Whether it be trying to impress you in the dojo when he decided to give you some self-defense lessons, or just chilling in his room (you came to like Raphael’s room, it was quite comfortable.)

Speaking of, Raph’s room (although it might be pretty shocking to some,) is clean. During Leonardo’s absence and when he was the Nightwatcher, Raphael only really used his room to sleep. Unlike his brother Donatello who had tiny little inventions scattered on his desks everywhere, and Mikey who had a bunch of random items he bought online with his Cowabunga Carl money. Leonardo is the turtle with the cleanest room, and Raph comes in second place. Raph’s living quarters become slightly cluttered if he’s having a not-so-good day, or Mikey’s been inside. Not only that, but he makes sure it’s spotless when you visit (just in case.) he usually only had weights neatly stacked if he wanted to get a quick workout in his hammock.

Anyways, back to your meditation session.

Unbeknownst to you, a whole hour had passed. You opened your eyes after you felt several taps on your shoulder by Leonardo. He smiles, “How was it?”

“I feel like…” “Brand new?” The brown-eyed turtle finishes your sentence. You laugh slightly and nod, “Yeah, brand new.”

“Glad I was the one who popped your meditation cherry,” You give Leonardo a poker face and he gives one back, and suddenly both erupt in a fit of laughter and snorts.

“Mikey is constantly moving and distracted, Donnie can’t seem to clear his mind, and Raph isn’t always up to meditate most of the time.” It was mainly Leonardo and Master Splinter who took meditation seriously and made it one of their hobbies, so you were open to meditating more.

After talking with Leonardo a bit after, you realized he was a pretty easy-going turtle. He sometimes could be cocky due to his leadership title, but he always was able to back it up. Not only that, but he was still getting used to being back in New York. He was so used to foraging and finding food in the outskirts of the South American village he protected, that his diet didn’t go back to normal until a whole month after his return. He gladly told you stories about the people he protected, how they didn’t have much but were so appreciative of every little thing they received. He still regrets prolonging his training, as it hurt his and Raph’s relationship, but he’s trying. Trying to make up for lost time. Trying to make up for the fact his brothers at one point thought he was possibly dead in South America when the letters stopped, and it took a toll, especially on Raphael. Leonardo knows that he and Raphael are indestructible as a pair, so it’s important to him that he mends their relationship.

While Raphael and Leonardo argue often (usually about the dumbest things, like “where’d you hide the remote,” or “did you eat my leftover pizza you thief,” you get the idea,) it’s just sibling rivalry. In terms of combat, Raphael is always Leonardo’s first choice when it comes to teaming up or splitting into groups of two during a mission. Although it’s hard for Raph to follow orders if he has a better idea, he still teams up well with Leo. The reason tensions were at an all-time high when Leonardo came back was because Leonardo was inserting himself into things about Raph’s life he wasn’t around for. So, who was he to just stroll in and tell Raph what he should and shouldn’t do when he’s been gone for nearly two years?

Not only that, but Raphael wants to lead. Since Splinter chose Leonardo all those years ago when they were 15 to be the leader, Raphael has wondered what was so special about the oldest brother. It could’ve been Donnie, who was smart and thought every plan through before they even started, (not Mikey, definitely not Mikey,) or Raph. Raphael has a strong personality that often clashes with Leo. Raph is more direct, crude, and uses violence to get his way when it comes to criminals and the Foot, while Leo is the opposite. He’s more glass half full, uses reasoning, and is calmer (he also doesn’t put up with Raphael’s shit most of the time, and lets him know that.) The difference between the two, and why Leonardo was chosen, was because Raphael lets his anger get the best of him at times, and that is the most lethal trait to have.

You noticed Raphael’s anger showed the most when he spoke about criminals or Leonardo during his training. It was never directed to you intentionally, although you may get a sarcastic remark back sometimes when you talked to him, or one-worded answers when he was not at his best. Raphael displayed anger when he talked since he didn’t know how to express how he felt through words at times.

---

“You seem down tonight, Raph.” Sitting beside Raphael on your bed, he sighs as his metal form lays on your bed in frustration.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem like it,” you retort.

“I said I’m fine.” You were still getting used to Raphael. Even though you both talked over dinner for the first time a couple of weeks ago, you were still getting to know him. Just a few moments ago, Raphael came knocking on your window. You had opened it up, and he greeted you with a quiet ‘hey,’ then proceeded to plop down on your bed.

Instead of prying inside Raph’s mind, you decide to stay silent. Besides, some people liked to have company while they sat in silence. You knew how it was when you had a bad day and didn’t want to talk to anyone. But, you enjoyed having Stella beside you while you quietly were in your thoughts.

So, you sat next to Raph in silence. His helmet indicated he was staring up at your ceiling and said not one word.

You didn’t mind it, though. Raphael was never a burden to you, anyway. No matter the few times he randomly came over without notice. So, you grabbed a book from the nightstand next to your bed to pass the time. You needed to read a chapter for your 11 AM class the next day anyway, so now was a good time.

After what appeared to be an hour and change, Raphael sits upright and turns to you.

“Me n Casey were doin’ our regula route, until we got on the roof n heard a woman screamin,' ' Setting down your book in front of you and turning to Raph, you give him a confused look.

“I don’t…no, I do know what happened, I just…fuck!” He angrily slammed his metal fist on your bed, and if it wasn’t a soft surface, it definitely would’ve scared you. You’re wondering what exactly Raphael saw to make him act this way, so you ask.

“Tha same that woulda happened to ya that night,” You caught on, and it made your stomach churn. “But we were too late. I failed…an…how can fuckin’ people be that way?!” Raphael continues to yell about how the Purple Dragons are pieces of shit, and he’s right. He goes on about how he saw red and beat all of them up in one shot while Casey helped the woman. She saw The Nightwatcher fight her attackers, then passed out; and was scratched and bruised. They bring her to the hospital, and they take it from there. He’s so heated (and for good reason,) that he doesn’t realize you get up to stand in front of him on the bed.

“Raph, I know, it’s the worst thing a woman and even a man can experience. I know, people are terrible. But think about how many more ‘Purple Dragons’ are out there that do the same thing that we don’t even know about, you at least are stopping those terrible men in this city.” You have a point there, and Raphael knows it. But, it’s the way he thinks, even though he can’t save everyone.

“You’re a protector, I see that. You have empathy, I feel that. You constantly keep New York City safe, and you saved this woman from being left out in the street vulnerable. She’s going to wake up knowing there are good people in the world. She’s going to wake up knowing you saved her. It’s a traumatic thing anyone can go through, I know that, but just think about how grateful she was when you saved her from any more harm.”

It wasn’t the way you spoke or the passion in your eyes. It was your words. You constantly found the right words to make Raphael feel better, and if not all the time, you were always right.

You wondered if you said the right thing to Raphael, as he is still looking at you through his visor. He lifts his arm and gently moves you to the side. Raphael gets up, and heads toward your window.

“Um…did I say something wrong?” You ask, confused as to why Raph is acting this way, he shakes his head, back turned to you.

“Nah, you…” He pauses, then sighs, “I needed ta hear that.”

Raphael leaves, and you’re alone again in your room, content that you said what you said.

11:30 PM

You always know what to say n what I need to hear without even tryin

11:32 PM

You didn’t fail, Raph. I don’t see it that way, and nobody in New York sees it that way either. I'm sure of it, you’re a protector.

Sometimes, Raphael was caught up in beating himself down (much like Leonardo does,) that he doesn’t see all the good he’s done. He was glad that he had a friend like you to level out his mind when he got that way, and he couldn’t appreciate you more.

---

You were satisfied with your meditation session and would try to integrate it into your nightly routine as a way to sleep better. You could thank Leonardo for that.

Leonardo thought you were pretty chill. Though he didn’t say it out loud. Initially, he was wary of you and wanted to know the full story about how you knew about Raphael. So, you told him after meditating when he asked.

He was sympathetic towards you once you told him.

“The Nightwatcher wasn’t his best time as it went against Sensei’s wishes, but I’m glad he saved people. He used his skills for good, that’s for sure.” He responded.

Then, he started to talk about how he felt after coming back from South America.

“I wasn’t…myself at one point. I was so caught up in being the best leader I can be, I failed to see that my brothers needed me,” Leonardo was sincere, and you could tell he still regrets his extended time abroad.

“You can’t change the past, but you’re here now, Leonardo. From the looks of it, I see the relationships you have with your brothers are pretty healthy.”

Leo needed to hear that.

He needed to hear that he was doing just fine. Someone other than Splinter to tell him he was doing a good job, on the whole, coming back from South America thing.

“Although I wasn’t here before you left for your training, I see a stronger leader in front of me who cares about the wellbeing of his family. You’re doing just fine, Leo.”

Leonardo’s eyes widen, he isn’t used to hearing such sincere words from anyone but Splinter or April. So when he hears it from you, someone he hasn’t known for so long (and whose words are spot on,) he’s appreciative.

“Thank you, Y/n.”

All in all, you felt closer to the leader in blue than you did the first day you met him.

~

Two days later, you came back to the lair.

Now it was Donnie’s turn.

You were sitting with three out of the four brothers, as Donnie was cooped up in his lab working on something.

“I win, little brother!” The winning Mortal Kombat cutscene is displayed on the TV screen, and Leonardo basks in his victory. Mikey sighs dramatically and gives the controller to Raph. The four of you were currently having a Kombat match against each other, and you reigned victorious against Leonardo, while Raphael beat Michelangelo, leaving them two to figure out who would make fourth place. Looks like it was Mikey. To be fair, Mikey was up all night previously “training” for this match, so he was playing half-awake.

“Best two out of three?” Mikey asks sheepishly, and Leonardo looks at him laughing, “Sure, watch me beat you again. Raph, keep count of how many times I win against Mikey.” Leo seemed to be into video games when it was necessary, and he liked the little competition it brought.

“I feel like Donnie would win against you, Leo.” You say, looking over at the lab. You hadn’t seen Donnie since you got here. Raphael had told you one night that Donnie was always working on something, always trying to stimulate his brain, always trying something new. He had only come out of the lab for more coffee, or to toast up a pop tart (yeah, his diet is terrible, poor guy.)

“You think so? I disagree.” Leonardo seemed to have a personality shift when he wasn’t in “leader mode,” He was more outgoing, less bossy (according to Raph,) and loved to find a way to have a little brotherly competition. Raphael did say Leo was always in leader mode when he got back from South America, but he’s slowly but surely going back to how he used to be.

So, you did exactly what Leonardo ordered: get Donatello.

Getting up from the spot next to Raph on the couch, you make your way down the hall to Donatello’s lab. You can hear soft classical music playing on the other side of the door, and you knock.

“Come in!” He calls out, opening the door, you see the purple-clad turtle tinkering with a small device on his table, holding a tool that looks hard for someone with larger hands like him to use.

“Oh, hey, Y/n. I didn’t know you were here,” Donnie says as he looks up at you, you smile as he continues working on the little item in his hands. He has these magnifying goggles on, and he looks pretty funny. His brown eyes are much bigger because of them, and you can faintly see specs of light honey brown in his eyes.

“I’ve been here for a good hour and a half,” You say, “Mortal Kombat tourney.”

“I totally forgot about that, has Mikey lost yet?”

“He was the first to.”

“I knew it, he owes me twenty bucks now.”

Donnie offers you a seat next to him which you accept, as you watch him staring intently at what now looks like a broken phone with a shell on it.

“I didn’t take you as someone who likes classical,” You motion to his PC that’s gently playing music.

Donatello smiles, “It helps me focus better.”

After a short small talk with Donnie, he tells you that he’s working on fixing Mikey’s shell-cell, (this also was when he told you he invented functioning phones that were probably better than the phones today, as they were slightly more technologically advanced thanks to his smarts.) Mikey accidentally dropped it while skateboarding the other day, and it cracked. You wondered what else the turtle has made, and he tells you.

He explains anything he can get his hands on, he’ll fix or upgrade. He helped Raph make his bike, and other than the shellraiser (that wound up being Mikey’s Cowabunga Carl van,) it’s his most fun invention yet. How years ago when they were still in their young teens, he “upgraded” an animatronic at April's job at a kids' pizza party place, and it turned into a disaster.

“She got fired, but hey, it gave me an excuse to fix something,” He finishes.

He then explains what else he’s made. How he used to have insecurities about his weapon of choice. He wished he could have a weapon as lethal as Leo’s, or as sharp as Raph’s. So, he tried to upgrade his weapon. After fighting with it during a mission to stop the foot from transporting mutagen from TCRI, it malfunctioned. Long story short, he’s content with his bo staff now.

Donatello also talks about the many times he’s fixed objects around the lair. After explaining how Leonardo can’t cook to save his life, he says he has to fix the toaster often. Other times, he has to repair the practice dummy in the dojo, because Raphael has so much energy to let out after sparring or training, that he takes it out on the poor guy.

He’s scared he’s been talking too much; that he might bore you to death as he does to Raph. He can’t help when he gets excited about his inventions. But, this leaves his mind when he sees a graceful smile upon your lips as you ask the question that’s been in your head since he started talking.

“Which invention are you most proud of?”

“Well,” He pulls an item out of the drawer beside him, and it’s a small MP3 player that looks peculiar.

“Around the time we were almost 17, we busted into an abandoned TCRI lab, I was searching for scraps I could use, and I found an incredibly advanced micro-chip made from, get this!” Donnie starts to rile himself up, and you can see the excitement in his eyes. His voice is higher, and he sounds like a teenage girl geeking over her favorite boy band.

“Self-assembled chain-link copolymers!”

“Wow!”

“I know!” He squeals.

“I don’t know what that means exactly, but it sounds interesting, Donnie!” It appears you set off a light in Donnie’s head because he grins widely and puts Mikey’s shell-cell to the side.

“Now, if you don’t mind, let me tell you about the origin of chain-link copolymers,”

After 20 minutes of Donatello giving you a history lesson (you were very lost, but he seemed excited to tell you about it,) he tells you that this advanced piece of military technology causes the MP3 player to continuously upgrade and download new music by itself. It’s really interesting, the way Donatello explains it. His vocabulary is extremely complex when speaking of science.

The topic is changed when you find a common interest in a most recent conspiracy theory that’s brought up soon after. Donnie is a really intelligent turtle, from his knowledge to his vocabulary. His personality was a mixture of a nerdy smart ass, and a fangirl when it comes to science. It was easy to talk to him, however, he would bring up a scientific theory you had no knowledge of briefly, but he gladly took the time to explain it to you. Donatello speaks quickly because he has so much pent-up knowledge that his brothers really don’t want to hear about, he has to let it out in some way. Afterward, a few knocks are heard on the door, and Donnie grants them entry. Once the door is opened it reveals his older brother, Raphael.

“Leo thinks he can beat cha, and he won’t shut tha hell up ‘bout it, I’m gettin’ tortured out there,”

“Statistically speaking, I have a much higher chance of beating Leo than all of you combined,” You giggle in response, and Donnie gets up from his seat.

You follow Raphael and Donatello out of the lab and take a seat back on the couch.

“Booty Shaker Nine Thousand is out of his cave!” Mikey exclaims, earning a laugh from everyone but you and Donatello.

“Will you ever put that to rest?” Donnie sighs.

“I’m never gonna let you live it down, bro.”

“Live what down?” You ask curiously. All three brothers smirk, as Donnie tries to steer them away from the story they’re about to tell.

“Four years ago, Splinter had us handcuffed together for a bonding exercise. It was meant to build our team's morale,” Leonardo starts. Donatello rolls his eyes, honestly, his family and friends knew the story at this point, so it’s only right they tell you.

You were damn near laughing by the end of the story.

During this team bonding, Donatello was handcuffed in between Mikey and Leo, and couldn’t type on his computer. So, when Raphael was trying to figure out the password and got it incorrectly four times (another will lock him out of Donnie’s computer,) the purple bandana turtle caved in.

“It was booty shakah’ nine thousand, wit what?” Raphael snickers and smirks at his little brother, who sighs in defeat.

“Capital B and three Y’s. What? You knew I loved to dance,” You chuckle at the funny story that puts a glimpse into the turtles' lives when they were a couple of years younger. You wondered what other stories they were keeping from you.

“You guys remember when Splinter had us gang up on Raph during sparring and allowed us to insult him?” Mikey breaks down in laughter at the thought, and you couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Dontcha fuckin’ dare, Mikey!”

~

Oh, Michelangelo.

The final turtle. You had already felt pretty close to Mikey from the moment you met him. The baby blue-eyed turtle. He seemed very excited every time you came to the lair for the past couple of days. He was extremely talkative and loved your company. He remembered how Donnie fixed your camera and asked if you could bring it when you came down.

He did in fact use up all your film (which you didn’t mind, Mikey is allowed to be starstruck by a polaroid camera, and you were flattered he was intrigued by your hobby.) Mikey took more photos than you did in one day. He would take surprisingly good off-guards of his brothers (Raph actively avoided Mikey when you came down to the lair with your camera.) and you planned on getting Mikey a small photo album book to keep them in. The one Splinter has is filled up already with photos from their youth (you have yet to go through it with him and the turtles.) The first photo he took on your camera was the two of you, and you had to take another one to keep for yourself. Michelangelo was a bundle of joy and clearly was the comedic relief of the group.

Needless to say, the time you’ve spent so far with Mikey has been welcoming.

So when he heard you were coming down to the lair today, he was ecstatic.

Splinter had invited you to watch the brothers spar to pick up on some self-defense moves. Leonardo was ready to show off his skills, Donnie was nervous, he always wasn’t so good when people watched him spar (especially April, even today he still gets nervous.) Michelangelo was always excited to show some of his moves. Raphael on the other hand was actually feeling anxious. Sure, you’ve seen him fight before once, but not without his suit, or with his real weapon. He made sure he was in tip-top shape for this sparring session, as he wanted to win against all of his brothers. It wasn’t the competitive part of him, it was the “I want to impress Y/n” part of him.

---

“Ya actually comin’?” Raphael asked as you continued brushing your hair in the mirror. Sparring normally started around 7 AM every morning, and finished at around 9 or 10 depending on Splinter. When Splinter informed his sons after having the conversation with you about it, Raphael took it upon himself (like he always does,) to swing by your house and walk you to the lair. He was shocked you were wanting to see him and his brother's spar. He wondered how he was gonna wake you up, but he didn’t have to. There you were through the window, bright and early brushing out your beautiful h/c hair while Stella watched from your bed.

“Shell yeah I am!” Raphael couldn’t help but smile slightly at the way you picked up on him and his brother's lingo. “I get to pick up on some of your moves-”

“Just my moves?”

“You know what I meant,”

“I actually don’t,” Looking at Raph through the mirror, you see him smirk at you, to which you stick your tongue out playfully.

“Who knows,” You turn around after placing your brush on the vanity dresser. “I might get to see you get your shell kicked- again-, that’s a great way to start my morning.” You responded to Raph’s sarcasm, to which he laughed.

“Ha! Don’t make me keel ova laughin’ this early. Ya have no idea what ya’re ‘bout ta witness, Y/n,” Raphael says. His pride was not to be tampered with today, and he was anxious enough. But, he was ready for you to eat those words once the sparring began and ready for you to be starstruck.

But still, what if somehow, he was caught off guard?

---

Michelangelo was notorious for using his pranking skills to his advantage and often would play around during sparring. He would trip his brothers with his nunchucks at such high speed, that they never saw it coming. Other times, he would pull out a smoke pellet or water balloon and throw it at them (Splinter still doesn’t know where he keeps them, he has so many.)

So whenever Raph went up against Mikey, he wouldn’t mess around. Losing to Mikey solely because of a water balloon to the head was embarrassing, to say the least.

Finishing up, you take a look in the mirror one last time. Lately, you’ve been taking a bit of extra time to make sure you look presentable when you meet up with Raphael. It didn’t bother him, per se. In fact, he cheered on the inside when you decided to wear your hair out in its natural state. And, the little things. Like today, where you ditched the oversized sweats and put on a pair of loose shorts. Both were equally comfortable, and it allowed you to let some skin show. A long sleeve tee with a pair of vans, and you were ready to go.

You were undeniably beautiful. Raphael still beats himself up for that one night in the city with you where he completely embarrassed himself talking out loud. He remembered the look of pure happiness on your face when he accidentally turned his thoughts into words. He wondered how it would’ve gone if he told you how he was starting to feel about you right then and there.

Yes, hothead Raphael. tempered, rash, crude, and violent teddy bear Raphael is embarrassed because of an innocent college girl. Although he was your age and mature enough, he still has the hopeless romantic teenage boy inside of him (much like Donatello.)

~

“Good morning, Miss Y/n.” After following Raphael to the dojo, Splinter is the first to greet you. Leonardo is there, too. He sits alone beside the candles along the worn wooden shelves, polishing his katana blades. His chocolate brown eyes have a glint of admiration in them, as he carefully cleans his weapon with ease. He smiles to himself as he looks through his reflection in one of the twin blades.

The dojo is beautiful. It has many different weapons from Japanese culture during the Samurai period. Beautifully smelted katanas sit in their cases on the top shelf, with midnight black and wine red wooden carved sheaths surrounding them. The floor is an old wooden tile that’s been polished and used for training. There’s a large tree that sits around the middle of the room, and you wonder how it grows without any sun. There are many different Japanese symbols around the dojo. There’s one on the rug near the blades, but you aren’t quite sure what it means. Next, there’s black paint in the middle of the birch wooden floor that makes out a kanji symbol as well. It’s a beautiful atmosphere in the dojo currently, and you can’t wait to see the turtles fight.

“Good Morning, Master Splinter; Leo.” As Leonardo finishes up, he replies with a “Good morning” back. Afterward, Donatello and Michaelangelo both come into the dojo, and everyone is there. Mikey walks up to you and gives you a big hug, to which you give back. He smells faintly of fresh spring- probably from the soap he used this morning. Raphael glares at his youngest brother, although Mikey hugs anybody he could get his hands on. Donatello waves his hello, and you return the gesture. You could tell by Donnie’s body language that he was on edge.

“Each of my sons will spar against one another, feel free to ask questions if you have any. I or Leonardo will be more than happy to answer.” Leonardo looks up and gives a slight smile towards you after hearing his name from Splinter as if to let you know to not be afraid to ask as many questions as you want. You feel comfortable to be observing and kneeling next to Master Splinter, giving you a full view of the center. You see that each turtle is in one corner of the room. Leonardo is to your top right, Donnie your top left. Raphael is at your bottom left, and Mikey is at your bottom right.

Splinter begins by pairing up Leonardo with Mikey. Already, Mikey’s groaning in defeat when the fight didn’t even begin yet.

“Come on, Sensei! You know I’m gonna lose the second we start!” Michelangelo was hoping he could go up against Donatello first. They’re around the same skill level, and he’d sure pick Donnie over fighting Leo. Although Mikey knows he's guaranteed to lose this round, he still has some tricks up his shell.

“You will never know unless you try, Michelangelo. Hajime!”

~

“Ow.”

“Ow!”

“DUDE!” After being pinned by Leonardo once again, Mikey manages to flip over back on his feet. He’s not tired at all, and neither is Leonardo. If it were up to Mikey, he could probably go for around 2 hours with the right competitor, so long as it’s not Leo.

“What? It’s trai-” Catching Leonardo slightly off-guard from his outburst, Michelangelo throws a smoke pellet in front of him, then disappears. You’re watching in awe, wondering how he just did that without Leo noticing.

“The goal of defense is to divert your opponent’s attention to get an opening, Miss Y/n.” Master Splinter says to you, not taking his eyes off the fight. A cloud of smoke appears behind Leonardo, and Mikey is right behind ready to make his move.

However, Leonardo knows his brother’s tricks too well.

This goes on for quite some time. Mikey is dropping smoke pellets every time Leo gets close, and laughing as he moves to different areas of the dojo. Leonardo is slightly annoyed but knows that Mikey has to preserve the rest of the pellets for the other spars. Once Mikey finished teasing Leo, he’s now looking for a way to get him to be distracted, while Leonardo is waiting for Mikey to call it quits. He’s already feeling bad enough that he’s his little brother’s first opponent of the morning. Suddenly, Leonardo catches his little brother off guard while doing a backflip, and he messes up his landing.

Now, Leo is on the offense, jabbing his katanas in places Mikey can easily defend for the sake of safety and sparring. He’s continuously doing this, not giving his brother a break at all, which is just cruel, Leonardo.

Before it gets too close, Leo grabs Mikey’s nunchuck and flips him over once again on his shell, but this time, Leonardo sits on top of his plastron.

“Yame!” With that, Leonardo gets up from Mikey and extends a hand for his little brother to grab. Groaning, the blue-eyed turtle accepts his hand weakly and slowly stands on his two feet, rubbing his head in discomfort.

“You have fought well, Michelangelo, but I have told you, there is always a way. No matter who the opponent is, you must give it your all, even if it is against the leader. Do not automatically assume you will lose just because of Leonardo’s title. He has weaknesses, too.”

“Hai, Sensei.” Bowing down, Mikey kneels in the corner. How this works is, that he will wait for the next person to lose (or win) against Leonardo to spar with next. No matter the victory or defeat, each turtle will spar with one another at some point during this session.

“Donatello, it is your time.” It seemed like Donnie was in his own thoughts because as soon as he heard his name, his eyes and head perked up at the sound of it. He chuckles nervously at his Sensei and walks toward the center of the dojo.

“Um, hey Leo.” As Donatello retrieves his wooden box staff from the back of his shell, Leonardo draws his katanas and gets into his fighting stance.

“You look nervous.”

“No! Me? Never!”

“If you say so Donnie,” Looking over at Master Splinter, Donatello sighs. His Master can sense the nervousness within him, and thinks it’ll be a short round. But, who knows?

Donnie gets into his fighting stance, but he looks very tense. Not relaxed, unlike Leonardo.

“Hajime!”

~

“How can I…” Donatello says to himself as Leonardo runs straight to him with his attack. Donatello has been able to get some hits in, same with Leonardo. However, Donnie is carefully watching how Leonardo moves, and his mannerisms. Thinking analytically of what his next move should be. However, Leonardo can think on his feet and beats Donatello to the punch with an attack. Donnie tries to do what his younger brother did to Leo and throws him off. After pressing a button the end of Donnie’s Bo staff turns into a blade, and Leonardo is cautious (although he knows Donnie won’t hurt him,) and is on the defensive. He dodges multiple attacks from Donatello, all while Donnie is thinking about each move he makes and how it’ll affect the outcome of this sparring match.

Donatello is not the best when it comes to strength, he’s more of the weaker ones in the group. He is, however, stronger in the intelligence category.

He’s well aware of his limits and how long he can fight and strives to overcome them by stepping out of his comfort zone. He’s already up for a challenge when his weapon requires extreme skill to do damage to his opponent.

This fight goes on longer than the last with Mikey, as it’s a lot of circling each other for Don and Leo after the first few attacks. Donnie is analyzing Leonardo, and Leonardo is waiting for his attack so he can counter it and finish.

This comes quick, as Donatello dodges the sudden attack from Leonardo, and before the leader can get back to defend himself, Donnie sweeps him off his feet with his Bo staff, tripping him. It’s not normal for Leonardo to lose, but sometimes, he may mess up a time or two.

“Yame!” Although Leonardo could’ve easily gotten up and taken down Donatello, Splinter calls it quits on this round. Donatello found a way to weasel around Leonardo with his thinking process and was lucky enough to have it be perfectly executed.

Leonardo and Donatello bow to one another. Looking over at Splinter, the rat smiles sincerely at the tech-savvy turtle.

“You still have yet to become confident in your abilities, Donatello. Although you are older, you still have yet to learn to find it within yourself to be self-confident. You are stronger than you may think. Rely on your raw physical talents, not your mental talent, you may not always have time to think during a fight.”

Donatello takes in what his master is saying. He does have a confidence issue, as he thinks he isn’t as good as his brothers when it comes to physique. If anything, he’d rather leave the brute fighting to Raphael.

“Hai, Sensei.”

“You may return to your post, for now, Leonardo. Raphael, please take his place.” Cracking his neck, Raphael is pumping himself up for which brother he has to fight. Donatello is praying to the Gods it’s not him that Raph spars with first because everybody knows the first person Raphael fights against will receive 1000% of Raphael’s pent-up energy.

~

“Sucks to be you now doesn’t it, Mikey?”

“I’m shaking in my shell, dude!” Glaring at Donnie after his comment, Mikey walks toward the center of the dojo, meeting Raphael halfway.

Unfortunately, Michelangelo will be the one to fall victim as being Raph’s first opponent.

Raphael couldn’t seem to smirk at how easy he had it. He thought he would have to go up against Leonardo first, but he figured Master Splinter knew that would be a long fight and to save it for last. He circled Mikey like he was a rabbit and he the lion, waiting restlessly for Splinter to say the lovely word that allowed him to release all his energy. Raphae’s amber eyes were devoid of any emotion other than passion, he was ready to perform the art he grew up loving so much. Ready to use the pair of sai he’s trained with since he picked them up for the very first time in yet another sparring match; they were so reliable. Mikey’s eyes were filled with anxiousness, which was normal before he sparred with his older brother.

“Hajime!”

===

~

You felt like you were watching a master at work.

You couldn’t help but admire Raph, and only Raph. The way his different muscle groups would flex depending on the move he was doing, or the way the small beads of sweat littered his emerald skin, causing it to glisten in the light. While the point of observing today was to watch both of the opponents, you couldn’t take your eyes off Raphael. You watched as he sprinted toward Mikey immediately after Splinter’s word to begin. How he did multiple flips and spins to throw his baby brother off, stabbing inches away from Mikey’s limbs, and jabbing his sai in Mikey’s plastron when he couldn’t avoid his attacks quick enough. How Raphael does this thing where he looks at his sai’s for a split second before he does another attack on Mikey, to fix his grip if it’s loosening up. Or how he pushes his mask tails out the way when they rest on his shoulder after moving so much, and how sometimes he would purposefully put them over the front of his shoulder so Mikey couldn’t grab them and pull him down.

Raphael is gifted, he knows that.

And now, you finally see why.

You see how he goes for the punch, not thinking twice about his actions. His weapon is close-combat oriented, so he has no time to second-guess himself and his moves.

Raphael clearly has the upper hand in this fight, he’s the strongest member of the team. Mikey knows this and uses rather odd approaches to better his chance at beating Raph.

Like throwing a water balloon at Raphael’s head as he was running toward him.

~

“Mikey!” Raph’s voice booms throughout the dojo. You’re scared for Mikey, knowing he’s probably going to get his ass beat because of that. Raph’s face is slightly red, but you can’t tell if it’s from sweating and adrenaline, or embarrassment.

It’s some of both.

You watch, giggling softly at the comical scene in front of you. Raphael is chasing Mikey around the dojo, and Mikey is throwing smoke pellets left and right to get away from him.

~

“Say ‘hi’ ta Don~” Raphael teases, he tightens his grip on the headlock he has on Mikey, and he uses his sai to make his baby brother’s hand move to say hello to a laughing Donatello. You feel bad for Raph’s little brother right now, but you laugh regardless.

“Hi, Donnie…Okay okay! Mercy!”

Raphael then glances at you, his green lips curling into a smirk along with a wink before he flips Michelangelo over on his back, immobilizing him.

“Yame!”

“Hit me…with…a fuckin-“ “Raphael. Language.” “-sorry, Mastah Splintah. Freakin’ watah balloon again…n’ see what happens,” Getting up, Mikey blows a raspberry at his older brother, then retreats to his designated corner. Raphael stays in the middle, and you continue to observe the rest of the duels.

Raph vs. Donatello ended pretty quickly.

Donnie vs. Mikey, this one was probably the most entertaining in your opinion.

Or so you thought.

Humor-wise, it was fun, but hands-down the best spar to watch was Leonardo vs. Raphael.

It seemed neverending, watching them both completely match each other’s energy. You watch as Raphael uses his sai as a means of offense rather than the defense on Leonardo’s twin katana. The sai were made to defend against the katana, which is what made this exhilarating spar all the more interesting.

It’s coming to a grand climax, Leonardo is getting some great moves in on Raphael, who takes them like a champ. That is until Leo makes him stumble on his two feet, and by that point, he’s retaliating and going on the attack. The loud clash of tamahagane against metal rang all throughout the seemingly quiet dojo, with only the heavy breathing from the two oldest brothers to be heard. You wait in anticipation to see which brother will catch the other in a split-second weak moment, and jump at the opportunity to win the sparring match.

This anticipation, however, is stopped abruptly by Master Splinter.

“Yame!” Suddenly, Leonardo and Raphael back off of one another. You can’t tell who won this exciting finale, but you think it’s a draw. Both are equally talented, and you are sitting wondering who would’ve won if they were able to continue. But, you sit next to Splinter, feeling slightly edged at the fact that you’ll never know who would’ve beat who. Seeing Leonardo and Raphael spar against one another just for that satisfaction is almost a guilty pleasure.

“Although I would like to see how this will play out, I will also like to see Cody break up with Donna. You are all dismissed, and if you need me, I will be watching my morning stories.”

So, that was it, huh?

That was a great start to your morning, and it seemed like an amazing morning workout for the four brothers.

As they all gather their weapons (and Mikey picking up his mess of popped balloons off the floor,) you watch Donnie leave the dojo first, more than likely to claim the shower. Donatello never liked sweating, anyway.

“Makes me feel slimy,” is something he would definitely say.

~

“I knew I came for good reason,” You say as you walk up to your red-banded friend. Raphael glances at you by his side, and he ruffles your h/c hair, his green fingers lingering on your head when he’s finished.

“Ya got ta see Mikey get an ass-whoopin', a well-deserved one too.” He replies. You can tell he’s still on edge, not putting his guard down. This is probably common, Raphael looking around in search of Mikey, to make sure he doesn’t get pranked while being in the comfort of his own sewer.

“Don’t forget the water balloon to the face, I know I won't.”

“I think ya’re a masochist, love seein’ me in pain.” You laugh at Raphael’s response

~

~

~

God, you hated this.

This feeling of anxiousness when you were around Raphael. It was getting harder to ignore it, and you felt like your younger self again in high school crushing over a boy. It was getting quite annoying, that fluttery feeling every time Raphael was around. It was quite frankly, dumb.

Dumb for you, let’s be clear.

Look at you, in freaking college! The last thing you have to worry about is confessing your feelings to a guy, you have, like, 10 assignments due.

And also, you aren’t a sappy teen anymore, you’re a woman! And it’s time you take some charge.

Better said than done, might I add.

Like right now, as you walked with Raphael as usual down to the lair, it seemed like the more the two of you did, the closer you both got. Physically speaking. If you heard a noise in one of the tunnels, you would automatically shift slightly closer to Raph. Who knew what else the sewers could be harboring anyway?

So when Raphael actually insisted on carrying you back home on his shell, as you were visibly tired from your long visit with his family, you knew you had to muster up the courage and tell this turtle you were falling for him.

---

“I gotcha, Y/n,” Raphael whispered. After the movie night with the family and April and Casey, it was around one in the morning. You and Raphael had actually made it to the end of the 4th movie you all had watched awake. Mikey, the most excited for this night, passed out first during the start of the second movie. Everyone followed soon after. With Donatello snoring quietly next to you, and you using Raphael’s shoulder as a headrest, you found yourself ready to fall asleep. That was, until, Raphael said he would take you home. For one, he knew you’d be more comfortable in your bed. Two, it gave him the opportunity for more one-on-one time.

Raphael wondered why he suddenly turned soft when he was attached to a female. It may be because he realized his mutant body is already a turn-off, and his attitude might enhance that. He also didn’t want to scare them off with how dangerous or violent he could be; no- he would save that side of him for combat.

The last thing he would want is to hurt you. If anything, he wants to protect you.

Raphael is notorious for being the most violent, moody, and 2nd place sarcastic member on the team (1st place for most sarcastic goes to Donatello.) But, he’s growing up. Part of growing up for him and his brothers was realizing their flaws, and how to mature past their teens.

For example, Michelangelo tried to implement training more into his days rather than gaming. He’s slowly getting better at it, and this was enhanced during Leo’s absence. He had to stay in shape somehow working with all those deadly children.

Donatello was already mature for his age when he was younger, but he tries little by little to fix his diet- he knows he’s getting older, and he can’t keep living off of pop tarts and coffee because he’s too busy to cook for himself or eat Mikey’s food.

Leonardo is the leader- he had to mature long before his brothers did. He carries the burden of the leader, which means acting maturely in different circumstances when it comes to battles. Leonardo has yet to realize he isn’t Mr. Perfect, no matter how much he trains. To him, his main flaw is that he can’t cook. There’s no way he can fix this, but he hopes that someday he’ll magically get better at it (just in case he gets a girlfriend and wants to cook for her, you know, so he’s preparing for the future.)

Raphael on the other hand is in the middle. Physically, he’s very much matured beyond his teenage years. Mentally, he struggles with his temper at times. It’s not as bad as it was when he was a teen, but he still struggles with it. He’s yet to realize he can’t be mad at the world for being, well, the world, and can’t fix it to his liking all by his lonesome. Raphael’s flaw would probably be the lack of words since he’s always struggling with putting his emotions into sentences. He’s done pretty well with you, but he wonders why he can’t be like that with his family. It may be because he wants to uphold the image as the brother that doesn’t take shit from anyone, or the brother that a lot of things just don’t phase him.

“You’re just as tired as me Big Red, I can walk.” You reply softly. Raphael scoffs, and his half-lidded eyes stare into yours as he smirks.

“I ain’t tired. Com’ere,” Raphael motioned for you to come over after he quietly got off the couch, and you followed suit. He bent down slightly in front of you, welcoming you on his shell. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. Raphael liked having you on his back. He knew you would be safer that way as opposed to mirroring his parkour. The obvious look of tiredness in Raphael’s eyes is what made you feel bad, but he insisted, and Raphael was one stubborn turtle.

The ride on Raph’s shell home seemed to go fast. You were going in and out of sleep when Raphael was going through the sewers, and the only sounds you heard were his steady breathing and water dripping from the many drains. After a couple of minutes, you were out.

Raphael noticed this and took more precautions for the ride to be less bumpy.

Once out of the manhole, he hoisted you up again and back on his back, going up the fire escape and onto the rooftops. He picked up speed and jumped when necessary to not wake you up. Your arms wrapped loosely around his neck, and your legs snaked around his waist, this was the closest he got to you physically.

Finally, Raphael arrived in front of your window. He gently tapped you awake- and as you woke up groggily, he put you down back on your feet. You’re now on the roof next to your apartment window. You faintly see your reflection from it, as well as the blackened sky that was rid of any stars, only a single white dot that resembled the moon. You see Raphael beside you as well.

“Thanks, Raph.”

“Ya fell asleep quick, started snorin’ in my ear n everythin,” He joked, letting out a slight yawn.

“I…don’t snore, do I?” You squinted at your turtle friend, and he laughed at you overthinking about snoring in front of him.

“It’ll be our lil’ secret, alright?” Raphael watches as you struggle to find the key that unlocks the window. He hopes you don’t find it at all, so he can be with you a little while longer. But at the same time, he hopes you do so he can get some sleep himself. After fishing it out of your bag, you unlock the window.

“It was nice to spend some time with your family, I loved it,” Smiling at Raphael tiredly, you slide the window open.

“It’s always nice ta see ya, Y/n. Ya know dat.” He responds.

“God, I don’t remember the last time the two of us just hung out in my room, you know?” You were right. Ever since the whole Winter's Corp thing happened, to meeting his family, and spending some time with his brothers, you and Raphael haven’t had any time together. It was only right, Raphael was your first friend out of the four, who you’ve known the longest, and who you felt the closest with.

“Are ya sayin’ ya wanna just hang out like…tha two of us? How we used ta?” He asks. Confessing to you about how he’s feeling may be easier than he’s making it out to be, he thinks.

“I…yeah, I am saying that.” You let out a tired yawn, and Raphael doesn’t want to keep you away from your bed, so he ends it.

“See you tonight?” Raphael watches as you enter your room, and stands in front of the entrance. He’s hoping he could see you tomorrow (well, today, you know what I mean,)

“See you tonight.” You smile tiredly at your friend, and before you could slide the window close, he stops you.

“And don’t stay up any longa, ya look ‘bout ready ta knock right ‘bout now.”

“Yes, mom.” You reply jokingly to Raph, as he rolls his eyes.

Raphael watches as you get comfy in your covers before dozing off, realizing he needs some advice.

And who better to ask than Casey?

Okay, no. He probably should ask April. But, he needed a guy’s perspective. Hopefully, Casey can give him some decent advice later on in the day.

---

“April says you should go for it ^•^” Raphael reads the message over and over again from his bud Casey, but he for some reason can’t make sense of it. Go for what, exactly? What should he ask Y/n? Or what should he tell her? Why is it so hard?

He’s not a teenage mutant ninja turtle anymore. Well, he’s still a mutant. He's most definitely still a ninja, and he’ll always be a turtle.

A teenager! That’s right, he’s not a teenager anymore.

Coming to terms with his feelings and expressing them with words is going to be the most non-teenage thing he’s done.

He’s not sure when the right time is to tell you. Honestly, when is there a good time to confess your feelings? Is he even ready to be that vulnerable to you? To lay his romantic feelings out on the table?

He knows it won’t be like those corny romance movies April watches, that’s for sure. It sure as hell won’t be as dramatic as Splinter's telenovelas, either.

He’s overthinking how he’ll talk to you. Overthinking how you’ll react.

He decides to tell you when he sees you later.

~

Actually, no.

Wait.

Does he?

It can wait.

Looking at his reflection in his room from his hammock, he sighs. He’s lying down with his head facing the mirror, as he thinks: this is what she sees.

It’s what everyone sees.

He WANTS to be normal. He thinks it would be much easier to tell you (and he thought the same with Sabrina,) that it would be much easier to speak his feelings if he was human. He’s confident in all categories, except his looks.

So, he decides to wait. Let this night be the last one of you both being friends before he changes that with his words.

Getting up, he starts getting ready to head over to your place.

Nothing special, just coming as he is. He’s still getting used to not wearing his suit around you. It’s much more difficult to hide his facial expressions with no visor to cover them.

As he uncovers the manhole, he goes through the city on his usual route to your place. Not thinking much of his pace, his usual light jog.

That is until he gets to your window and sees it broken from a distance.

Suddenly, his jog becomes a sprint, and he utilizes his vision that was preserved from when he was a turtle to better see into the darkness that was your room. He can’t see anything, but he panics as he realizes he can sense there’s someone who’s not you inside.

It was at this moment he knew he would confess to you the moment he found you and you were safe with him.

===================

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: HERE

NEXT CHAPTER: HERE

Taglist:

@bee-1n-space

[margoteve]

River Dance

This is a bit of a longer drabble. You get to see another detail of Kara's character! Also this is stupid idea I had couple days ago that didn't leave my brain and made me laugh so thar.

Kara is Deaf and uses ASL, hence <dialogue>

Rating: T

Enjoy! (also if anyone wants to be on a tag list lemme know lol)

It was just this tired conversation at 5am. She was staying up for a big deadline on one of her projects, and he had a new idea that needed working out. They both were too tired to think anymore and just laid on his bed in the brothers’ lair - Kara between Donnie’s long legs facing him. She was spacing out for a second there and he finally noticed.

He looked at her and gently waved his hand to get her attention. <What are you thinking about?> He asked. 

She hesitated at first, her eyes were a bit unfocused from lack of sleep. <It’s stupid.> She signed slowly. 

<Go for it.>

<I was wondering if you’d be good at that Irish dance, cause your legs are so stupidly long,> she finally admitted.

He snorted. <What?>

<Well!> Her hands flailed a little. <I was watching Youtube earlier today and these guys were there and they have long legs and do the dance and you have ridiculously,> she stressed the word, gesturing over his limbs, <long legs!> She was trying very hard not to grin but she was losing, getting close to laughing. <How dare you have legs this long and sexy!>

She slapped his shin and he laughed.

<That is weird,> he snickered. 

She huffed a little but she shook her head, still smiling. He pulled her close and she nested over his stomach so easily. His tiny missing peace. He kissed the top of her head and she nuzzled his chest. Not two seconds later both were passed out snoring.

The topic of Irish dance never came up again really. Mostly because Kara simply didn’t remember the sleep deprived conversation her mind took them to.

Until one day. 

Kara came back to her apartment. The lights were on and dimmed and she saw a few candles here and there. Confused, she went over the calendar in her head. Did she… did she forget an anniversary or something? She went further in and saw a bouquet of flowers on the kitchen’s countertop and Donnie leaning over said countertop with a rose in his mouth.

She blinked at him, completely stumped and made a strained noise at the back of her throat as she noticed a mustache drawn in sharpie on his face. What the hell was going on? 

He took out the rose from his mouth and with a flair swooshed it towards her trailing a petal over her chin. Smitten, yet wary, she took it taking in the sweet scent.

She noticed he was wearing a pair of brand new trousers with also brand new suspenders and…a strange pair of shoes.

Looking back up at him she noticed a hand stretched to her. Confused, yet amused and curious where this was going she took it. 

Donnie led her to the sofa. The piece of furniture was pushed back and she saw a board on the floor that wasn’t there before… okay? 

She sat down. 

Donnie took his position on the board and clicked a remote for the music to start. 

Honestly, she was half expecting her turtle boyfriend to start stripping and not… not start wild River Dancing. She bent in half laughing then clapped and applauded the show. 

When it ended she jumped up and reached her hands up. Donnie, a bit out of breath, bent down and received a flurry of kisses all over his face.

<Don you are the silliest boyfriend,>she signed and nuzzled his neck. <What brought this on?>

<Well, you did mention it once in regards to my, and I quote, ‘stupidly long legs’ and I was kind of bored one day so…> He grinned.

She giggled and kissed him again. <Weirdo.>

<Did you like it?>

<My face hurts from laughing, yes, absolutely.> She looked at him with mirth in her eyes. <Now come on, I need to make out with you right now. God, you’re so silly.>

<Yes!>

She giggled more and pulled him with her to her bedroom. They had some horizontal dancing to do.

Tag list (if you wanna join shoot me an ask?) @madammuffins

[bluesakurablossom]

Hi! Hope you’re doing well :)

(I’m not sure if this is the right place for requests so I’m sorry if it isn’t)😩

This one is for Bayverse Raph!

So could you do a oneshot where his fem s/o is a famous singer, and him (and his brothers😁)sneak into one of her performances to realize that she wrote a song all about Raph and their relationship? Maybe even some naught innuendos thrown in there if you catch my drift😉😉😉😉

Oh you got it right love! No worries! Oh this ask is amazeballs! I even have a perfect song for the couple! <3 @thatonegothicgirl

Being recognized and famous, that is something that most people would want in their lives. Having so many people look up to you for what you do, inspired to be just like them, and having so much praise, compliments and fans adore you, that sounds like the perfect life. Although it's unfortunately not cut out for some. For Raphael, an unseen hero of the city who saved the world twice from darkness and destruction along side his brothers, it seems like the dream would forever be a dream. Even with the offer given by the police a few years ago, he thought it would be better off staying hidden, that not a lot of people would understand him. Not the way you did.

You were his soul, his heart, his everything. The reason he got up each morning was because of you. You both have been in a relationship for three years now and things have changed for the better. Although fame didn't work out for him, he was more than happy fame worked out for you. You were singing since you were a child and when he first heard your voice when you invited him down to your recording studio, he was smitten. You did all kinds of music from rock, pop, slow songs, but your favorite would have to be country. Even for being a city girl you just felt at home singing country. Although it could be stressful at times, you always made time for each other and could perform a private concert for him every now and again.

You were working on a new song that was an inspiration from the constant support of your lover. You sung the song softly to yourself as you wrote down the notes and lyrics, smiling how well it was coming together. Once you finished your last lyrics, you strummed your guitar as you played out the song, the melody was perfect and described your relationship with your turtle so well. You couldn't wait for him to hear it. Once you put your guitar in its case you got a call from him, playing a fast and furious ringtone. After all you both were addicted to the movie series.

"Hey baby!" His deep voice heard on speaker

"Hey yourself Vin Diesel", You giggled, making him chuckle. You actually said part of your song without him realizing it, you were so excited you had to bite your lip to from squealing "You coming to my concert tonight?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, have any idea where we can sneak in?"

You walked out further on to the stage that soon would be filled with thousands of your fans and spotted an overhang where the jumbotron was hanging for other events at the stadium. "I got an idea, you know the jumbotron where you guys go to Madison Square for basketball games you hide out in, you guys can hide in the one here, its right above the catwalk!"

"Sounds like a plan, be the best seats in the house!"

You smiled to yourself and looked down at your papers in your hands. "Oh forgot to mention I have a new song written up I am trying out tonight!"

Raph perked up a bit hearing that. "Well I have a feeling I am gonna love it just like all your other songs, just as much as I am gonna love seeing you in those favorite tight jeans of mine"

"Count on it big boy, well I think this one you are really gonna love, cause its pretty special, can't wait for you to hear it" You giggled innocently

"Well I can't wait to hear it, I will see ya soon beautiful!" His deep Brooklyn accent murmured before giving you an air smooch

You smiled hanging up and started to prepare for the concert. A few hours later, the stadium was filled up with every seat taken and you peeked out from around the corner and could see the many anticipating fans ready to hear you perform. You felt your phone vibrate in your tight jeans, and saw a text from your boyfriend. "Look up"

You looked up and saw Raphael and his brothers waving from inside of the jumbotron and you jumped with excitement, they were just in time. "Get ready for the new song!"

You placed your phone in your back pocket, and walked out on stage and the noise level sky rocketed, enough to drown out the noise that is made in the city you called home, as you carried your guitar waving to your fans. When you got the microphone, you smiled happily and looked up to see the boys waiting excitedly and you looked towards your fans getting closer to the mic and began to talk.

"Support. Support is everything. It helps someone get through the hardest parts of one's journey and you will always know that they got your back no matter what. Tonight I have something special for you all, this song I wrote was an inspiration for someone who has been there for me for many years and someone that I love very much, I wouldn't be where I was it wasn't for him. Whenever I would be at my lowest during my career, he was always there to make it alright. And he is out here tonight and I wanted to say, I love you Raphael"

The crowd awed at your sweet words and you looked slightly up to see your turtle looking at you with surprise, you wrote a song about you two? This was something he wasn't expecting and you give him a wink and began to play your guitar with the rest of your band playing behind you.

Somedays its just tough getting up

Throwing on these boots and making that climb

Somedays I rather not show and lie low

Before I lose my mind

But when he says baby

Oh no matter what may come my way, he ain't going no way

He runs his fingers through my hair

And saves me

Oh that look in his eye gets me coming alive

And driving me a good kind of crazy

When he says baby! Oh when he says baby!

Some nights I come home stressing mad

Feeling like running my fists through the walls

Is it even worth what I have been fighting for, I am feeling torn

Oh the hell with it all!

But when he says baby, oh matter what may come my way

He ain't going no way, he runs his fingers through my hair

And he saves me

Oh that look in his eye gets me coming alive

And driving me a good kind of crazy

When he says baby! Oh when he says baby!

Everything will be alright, just lay down my side

Let me love you through this ride

Yeah he is a perfect man of faith

When every bit of my own is gone

Something I can have in a best friend

And heaven sent me a love to lean on

When he says baby, oh no matter what may come my way

He ain't going no way, he runs his fingers through my hair

And he saves me

Oh that look in his eye gets me coming alive

And driving me a good kind of crazy

When he says baby! Oh when he says baby!

Yeah that look in his eye gets me coming alive

And driving me a good kind of crazy!

When you finished your song, the crowd went wild with cheering for your new song and you couldn't help but smile with happiness, it was a huge success. You looked up to the jumbotron and saw the boys above cheering for you and you came to lock your eyes on your lover and there was that same look in his eyes that got your heart racing and he licked his lower lip.

You blushed all pink in your cheeks and you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. You bowed to your fans before running across the stage to get ready for your next song and you went behind the curtain and pulled out your phone to see a text from him. "Oh so my look in my eye drives you crazy huh? Well after this concert is over, get ready for a back stage experience and I think you know what is gonna happen, a new inspiration for a new song and my hands all over that ass"

"And you will get the VIP treatment ;)" You giggled to yourself and couldn't wait for the night to be over to finally have him in your arms.

[polarbearaone]

☔︎ Sayuri

✞ synopsis: Aone thought your life with him was supposed to be long and happy, but all good things must come to an end right?.....

✞ pairing: Aone x fem! reader

✞genre: angst :(

✞ warnings: character death! mentions of v*miting, pregnancy and health conditions

The look on everyone's face when Aone proposed to you was to die for. Within the crowd there were surprised team players of the VC Date team along with elated coworkers from the construction firm that Aone invited. Oh, failed to mention that Aone proposed during one of his volleyball games. Soon you would be (Y/N) Aone, married to Takanobu Aone. Dating for the past six years, Aone was the best partner you could ask for. He never left your side, even accepted you with you and your past. When he met your parents, Aone told your father a trick to keep his plants from freezing during the harsh winters from Japan, since that day, your father began referring to Aone as “son”. Five years later, Aone was sitting on his soon to be in-laws couch, asking for your hand. Your parents understood how amazing Takanobu was, they knew he would never leave your side and always protect you.

“What theme should we have for our wedding?” Aone blurted out one day while dinner was steaming on the stove. “Already thinking about themes huh?” the way you looked at him, wearing his shirt while you made your way to the stove. If it were up to him, Aone would marry you in that very kitchen. The kitchen was where there were so many memories waiting to be made. “A turtle theme would be nice” you jokingly said. Aone started to lightly tap his chin, considering the theme. “Babe, I’m joking,” you said giggling. “oh” Aone said, in his little voice. “(y/n), can I ask you something?” Aone asked, playing with the strings of his shirt. You gave him a quick nod as you continued cooking dinner. “Can we get a turtle?” he said, a soft blush appearing on his face. Putting down what you had, you walked over and cupped his face. “Is it going to be our first child?” replying with the biggest smile on your face. The blush on his face matched the red shirt he was wearing. His brain was going wild, his dream was always to have a family with you. Kissing his forehead, you replied, “We can go tomorrow to the pet store”

The headaches began around a month after the proposal. You thought it was the stress of planning your perfect wedding. Aone noticed you were hurting when you did not accompany him to feed Kame, your turtle. He did not open the curtains like he usually did, nor did he give you a forehead kiss in fear that he will cause more pain. He started brewing tea and gave you some medicine. He let you stay in bed that day, and the day after that, also the whole week. Aone was worried sick, he knew stress caused headaches but every single day? His mother reassured him that the stress of working, trying to plan a wedding but also being there for Aone was a lot and that he should pamper her. Aone cleaned the whole house that afternoon, he even cooked your favorite dinner. It was supposed to be a perfect night, but you came home with a pale look on your face. The mere smell of the food made you run to the bathroom. Anything you ate that day came out of you as you hunched over the toilet. Aone held your hair back, softly rubbing your back. After emptying your stomach, you leaned into Aone’s touch. You needed him, his support, his love. As you slowly fell asleep on his lap, one thing ran through Aone’s mind, what if you were pregnant? You two were sexually active, plus it would explain the nausea and headaches. His mind was going wild once again, Kame finally will not be your own child anymore.

“hey honey, can I ask something?” Aone whispered into your ear as he massaged your head, a common occurrence in the morning. You hummed an answer. “do you possibly think you could be pregnant?”. The question lingered in your mind. Could you? It would make sense. After taking some medicine, you booked an appointment to the doctor. With Aone next to you, you knew you would be ok. The days leading up the appointment felt like forever. You were still with nausea and headaches, but you were excited to find out if a mini Aone was formed in your stomach. Finally, the day arrived. Aone was nervous next to you, you felt his handshake as he held yours. “Baby, you are more worried than me” you said giggling at him, “I just want you to be ok” he replied. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N)” The nurse called. “Wait here ok?” you reassured him before entering the hallway. After many tubes of blood later, the doctor asked you to come back when the results were done.

A week later, Aone and you were waiting for the doctor in his office. All Aone wanted to hear that you were pregnant so his worries can subside. The doctor entered with a gloomy face. “Unfortunately, the blood test we did let us know that you weren’t pregnant but there is something more concerning” the doctor stated. The grip Aone’s hand on you faded away, at this point he did not care if you were not pregnant. He wanted you to be ok. “What’s more concerning?” Aone asked the doctor. “ We see some hormones that are way higher than they are supposed to be, we only see these types of numbers when a tumor is present near the pituitary gland, we would like to do more studies to confirm our suspicions” Tumor was the only word in your mind. You could have a tumor. The doctor requested more blood work, and scans. The weeks following, many of your symptoms began to worsen. Your vision began to blur, migraines began more and more frequent, even had a seizure. Aone was terrified, but even with fear, he never left your side. He held you every time you felt weak, he spoons fed you soup his mother taught him to make. The wedding was postponed until you felt better but you told Aone that both of you should get married legally before having any celebration just in case anything happened. “Nothing is going to happen (y/n), you and I will get through this ok?”

You seemed to get worse. You had to be admitted to the hospital due to your condition. After many more scans, it was revealed that the tumor in your brain was a mere 5 centimeters long. Despite being so small, it caused you excruciating pain. The physical pain you felt was nothing compared to the news you received two weeks later. “We have extremely bad news” the group of doctors who had been treating you said. “The tumor located inside your brain is too dangerous to live with, it cannot be surgically removed” Your sobs could be heard from across the hallway. Aone tried to calm you down, he held you so close to him, he could not lose you. Your sobs subsided when the doctor cleared his throat “That is not all”. “It’s not your fault that you didn’t notice since pregnancy symptoms are similar to your symptoms but you’re roughly two weeks pregnant.” The room had an eerie silence to it. The pain inside of you was so immense that crying was not an option anymore. “You have to do something! She cannot live like this! What about the baby?” Aone practically yelled at the doctors. Despite knowing him for 5+ years, you had never heard him yell. “Baby, shh, its fine. They did what they could” You said, trying to calm Aone down. “B-but” Aone was choking on his own sobs. Now it was you holding Aone. The doctors made it aware that the last weeks of your life should be spent at home, with your Fiancé. The baby would not survive much longer, therefore the both of you should cherish the small amount of time you had.

The following weeks were filled with smiles and pain. You were getting paler, weaker. Aone could see life leaving you as the days progressed. He saw how tired you were, each day you got more and more tired. You could barely walk over and see Kame anymore. Aone resulted into bringing him inside for you. Kame specifically liked when your soft blankets covers his shard shell, Aone loved seeing you two sleep with one another, well three. Aone remained strong for you. When you would sleep, he sat near you, crying. The love of his life, the one who was supposed to be there for him through it all, was dying. He felt that he could not keep his promise to protect you. You nor his child. He got into bed next to you and Kame, wishing you a beautiful night. That morning was like any other, except it was Kame who nudged him to wake up. He groggily got out of bed to make your tea for your medication. Something felt off to him. Usually you nudge him to wake him up. He ran towards your shared bedroom, turning on the lights. He knew you would kill him if he did but he needed to know your awake. Despite the bright light shining in the room, you were silent. Kame on the other hand was making an array of noises. He walked towards you, tears threatening to fall. “Baby?” he whispered. He fell to his knees. He felt weak, he felt empty. Aone began to shake you, trying desperately to wake you. “(Y/N) this isn't funny, wake up” Aone shook you one last time, before screaming into the bed. He ran to dial an ambulance. The paramedics looked at Aone with sorry eyes, he knew what those eyes meant. “Take her to the hospital now” Aone said, growing at them. “ Sir-”... “I SAID TAKE HER”.

The doctor who was treating you slowly sat next to Aone in the waiting room. “She was strong” Like you a couple weeks ago, the pain Aone felt didn’t allow him to cry. “I know that nothing is visible yet but here” The doctor handed Aone an ultrasound picture. “The baby is too small to see yet but they’re there. No matter how much it hurts, know that they will both be there, forever.” The doctor gave Aone one last hug goodbye, before walking back to the hallway you once entered through. Aone stood outside the door of your shared house. How could he enter without you? How could he ever live without you? His thoughts were erased when he felt something hit his leg. Looking down, he saw Kame rubbing his head on his leg. Slowly picking up Kame, he headed inside. Sitting on the couch with Kame, he showed the turtle the ultrasound. “This is your sibling Kame, I’m not sure what gender they were but this is Sayuri, my small lily”

a.n: NOT ME CRYING UNCONTROLLABLY AT THIS. also I wanna thank @nuttymouthful for this idea! It was originally an reincarnation au! but I got lost at the end :( so I closed it with a bittersweet (?) ending. Reader was supposed to reincarnate as Kame but idk kame is a himbo turtle but that’s ok. PLZ REQUEST MORE ANGST I LOVE THIS

tags: @elianetsantana @girlofdystopia @kara-grayson04

[midnight-queery]

Superwoman

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28476486/chapters/70718184

One second Kara was zooming through the weird light show the universe-jumping device always put on, eyes wide as she flashed through universe after universe on her way back to her own. The next second she blipped into existence right in the middle of an alien brawl and a giant purple fist hit her in the face. The next second? Nothing but darkness.

When Kara came to who knows how long later she was in the DEO, laid up in a hospital bed and with a familiar, worried pair of green eyes looking at her.

“Kara,” Lena sighed in relief. A moment later, however, she was glaring at her. “I know your journalism is very important to you, but you can’t get that close to an alien brawl.”

Kara stared at the dark-haired woman, blinking owlishly several times before finally opening her mouth to speak. “Lena, what-”

“Me? Lena? Pfft, I’m not Lena,” the person who was definitely Lena said defensively, her eyes looking anywhere but at Kara. “I’ll go get the doctor, you must have been hit harder than I thought.”

Just as Lena turned to go, Kara finally letting her eyes drop from Lena’s face to take in her outfit and physique and realizing that this Lena wasn’t her Lena, a commotion began in the control room. Lena turned towards the noise with wide, confused eyes, and after listening in Kara realized why: she was the one causing the commotion. Or rather, this Earth’s Kara was.

“That’s not me!” The other Kara yelled, running through the parting crowd of DEO agents and towards the med bay. “I saw,” she paused and gasped for breath and Kara felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, because if this Earth’s her was out of breath, and Lena was dressed like that, it could only mean one thing. “I saw you save her, on the news. And she’s not me, Superwoman.”

Lena turned to Kara with narrowed eyes, her brows scrunched together furiously, and Kara was fairly certain she was about to be laser beamed. She, however, had a much more pressing issue on her mind.

“Superwoman?!” Kara yelled, jolting to a seating position and pointing at Lena. “Superwoman? HOW? This didn’t make any sense in the first place and now you’re telling me you get to be Superwoman? And you even have pants already?!!” Kara was fuming, so angry the rest of whatever she was going to say was just a series of indignant and unintelligible sputters.

Lena looked taken aback at the blonde’s anger, and she took a few steps to the side so she was standing protectively in front of the other Kara.

Kara’s phone ringing cut off her attempts to form angry words from her angry spluttering and she yanked it out of her pocket, wishing she’d chosen to wear her suit instead of her civvies, discretion be darned. “What?”

“Kar? You good? I’m getting some weird readings from your suit,” Alex’s voice crackled through, broken up and staticky. Kara fiddled with the clunky device strapped to her phone and the yellow blinking light on it turned a steady green. “Kar? You there?” Alex’s voice was crystal clear now.

“Yeah, sorry. I had to adjust the turtle.” Kara’s focus was on her phone, though when a pale hand tried to snatch it away at super speed she easily evaded. “What the heck, Lena?”

“You’re communicating with Alex Danvers?” Lena hissed, her eyes actually beginning to glow blue. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Please tell me you didn’t blip into existence in the middle of one of Lena’s board meetings,” Alex said over the phone. “She was going to be pissed enough that we didn’t tell her you were going to another Earth!”

Lena’s eyes widened at that and she took a small step forward, crossing her arms tightly over her chest and concealing the searing red symbol of the House of El that stood out starkly against the mostly black super suit. “You really expect me to believe this Kara is from another Earth, and not some twisted clone you made, Alex?”

This Earth’s Kara rushed over and stopped beside Lena, her eyes wide. “You’re me from another Earth? A- and your Alex is good?”

Kara’s brow crinkled as she looked between the alternate her and super Lena (she was not going to call her Superwoman okay). “What do you mean, is my Alex good? Of course she’s good. Why wouldn’t she be?”

“Kara,” Lena said quietly, wide, concerned eyes trained on her Kara, whose chin was wobbling from the urge to cry.

“M- my Alex,” other Kara began softly, eyes trained on the floor. “She’s the head of an organization called CADMUS. She hates aliens to the point that it drove her insane. She’ll stop at nothing to kill Superwoman. She- she’s even used me against her a few times since she knows we’re friends.” Other Kara sniffled as Kara’s jaw dropped.

“Kara.” Alex’s voice sounded strained. “Please tell me that doesn’t mean what I think it does.”

“And what about Lex Luthor?” Kara asked, ignoring her sister.

“What about me?” Lex asked, strolling into view. He was wearing very familiar tactical gear. “I’m Lex Luthor, Director of the DEO, though it seems you already knew that. Care to explain how?” He narrowed his eyes at Kara, and she was astounded at how… normal he looked. The Lex in her universe had cold, dead eyes. This one’s eyes were hard, yes, and distrustful, but he stood close to his sister and the other Kara, almost… protectively? What was going on here?

“Oh Rao,” Kara breathed in realization. “Lena and I are switched in this universe. That’s why Lex is suddenly a good guy and Alex is, well, Lillian and Lex from my universe rolled into one.”

“What do you know of Rao?” Lena demanded, just as Alex asked, her voice sounding even more strained, “What do you mean you two are switched? And I am not Lillian and Lex rolled into one, Kara, you take that back or you are notgetting the last potsticker at game night ever again, I swear to god.”

“On my Earth I’m Supergirl,” Kara said, looking Lena dead in the eyes as she yanked her glasses off. The brightly colored suit materialized, and Kara had never been more thankful for the pants upgrade in her life. Being Supergirl was humiliating enough, but a skirt? Oof.

“Not Superwoman?” Other Kara asked curiously.

Kara grimaced at her human self. “Miss Grant wouldn’t budge on the name.” When she turned to Lena the woman’s eyebrows were furrowed.

“So you… grew up on Krypton, then? Like- like me?” Lena asked quietly, her voice vulnerable.

“Zhi,” Kara said quietly, her lips upturned in a small, sad smile. “I grew up Krypton, and I… I watched it explode right before my pod got stuck in the Phantom Zone.”

“Were you-”

“Awake?” Kara interrupted. Lena nodded, gulping. “Intermittently. It wasn’t…” Kara stopped and took a deep breath. “It was cold and dark and lonely and I thought for sure I’d be trapped there forever. Luckily for me, Aunt Astra needed a way to get Fort Rozz to Earth, and she was able to use my pod to do it.”

Lena and Lex exchanged a loaded look at the mention of Astra, and Kara had a feeling Lex had killed Lena’s aunt just as Alex had killed hers.

“Okay, weird as all this is,” Alex’s voice interjected, “The turtle currently has more charge than the device you’re using to get from universe to universe. At the rate the battery is draining you have two and half hours until you’ll be stuck in the universe you’re in right now, and you only have enough energy for one more jump. I think we need to call-”

“No!” Kara shouted, causing everyone gathered around her to jump. “No, Alex, you can’t call in Lena, she’ll be pissed that we didn’t call her in sooner and I’m really trying not to stress her out anymore than she has to be to run L-Corp. We can’t tell her I’m about to be stranded on an alternate Earth because I accidently broke the part of the jumper that controlled which Earth I land on! Maybe, uh, maybe this Lena can help!” Kara turned to super Lena with wide, desperate eyes. “Please tell me you’re as tech savvy here as you are on my Earth.”

“You do run a branch of LuthorCorp,” other Kara chipped in thoughtfully, “so you could probably help her. Me. Whatever, you get it.”

“I- wait, I’m not, what?” Lena spluttered, looking from her Kara, who apparently knew she was Superwoman, to the other Kara and back. “Oh Rao I didn’t correct her earlier! Lex!” Lena glared at her brother for not catching the slip, and he held his hands up in surrender.

“I was as delightfully distracted as you, sister dear,” Lex said lazily. “Besides, we both know Miss Danvers, at least thisMiss Danvers, isn’t exactly a security risk.”

All of their heads turned to the phone in Kara’s hand when they suddenly heard the muffled sound of several voices, most panicked, before it went silent. Then, “Kara Zor-El Dan-” a familiar voice growled. Kara’s yelp cut them off.

“Oh Rao! Alex, I told you not to call Lena in!”

“She didn’t,” Lena’s voice answered smoothly. “And Director Danvers will pay for that later. Right now we are going to get you back to this Earth, and then you and I are going to have a long, long talk about what exactly determines need to know information, are we clear?”

“Yes,” Kara muttered, staring sulkily at her phone, her bottom lip jutting out.

“Kara darling, I can hear you pouting, and it’s not going to work,” Lena said wryly, though she at least sounded a bit amused instead of the previous rip roaring enraged.

Other Lena didn’t seem to have heard a word of the conversation as she was still staring dumbly at her human Kara, and she finally managed to blurt out: “How did you know I was Superwoman?”

“Did I just hear that Earth’s version of me call herself Superwoman?” Lena’s voice purred, and Kara could just see the smirk on her face.

“You told me you flew to CatCo on a bus,” human Kara said, grinning at a now-blushing Superwoman.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Lena groused over the phone. “There is no way I would ever say that. Do Kryptonians have special idiot genes?”

Human Kara gasped as super Lena and Kryptonian Kara winced. “You can’t be mean to Lena,” human Kara scolded. “Even if you are a Lena! It’s still not allowed!” She put her hands on her hips and glowered at the phone Kara was holding, which Kara instinctively cradled closer in case the other version of her got any ideas.

On the other end of the phone Kara was pretty sure she could hear Alex laughing. Her Lena mumbled something that could maybe pass as an apology before telling Kara to stay out of trouble while she made a retrieval device and hanging up.

“Why is your Lena so cranky?” Other Kara asked, her eyes narrowed as she stared her doppelganger down. “Did you do something stupid?”

“I did something brilliant, actually,” Kara replied, smirking to herself. Her audience didn’t get it at all, of course, but she still found it funny. “Now then, since my Lena is working on things, it looks like I’ll be here for a little while yet. What else is wacky?”

“How would we know?” Lena countered, arching her eyebrow.

“It’s not fair that you can still do the eyebrow thing and you get superpowers,” Kara grumbled. “Being a superhero was my thing, darn it! And in one of the universes I accidently landed in, you were also a reporter, but I wasn’t a CEO! And in another one we were both CEO’s but we’d met when you tried to buy out my company! It isn’t fair!” Kara’s lip jutted out and her puppy dog eyes were in full effect now, and Lena looked surprisingly contrite considering she really couldn’t control any of that. Other Kara just rolled her eyes.

“Oh whatever, Supergirl. Put away the pout and let’s go get potstickers while we wait for your ride home.”

And so it was, that half an hour later, full of (literally) otherworldly potstickers and having momentarily forgotten that a pissed off Lena was waiting for her, Kara was perched happily on a chair in the DEO conversing with this Lena in Kryptonese (while human Kara watched enviously), waiting for her phone to ring.

Only apparently her Lena was feeling dramatic because instead of her phone ringing the portal device beeped a brief warning before opening a swirling vortex of light in the middle of the control room and a moment later Lena strutted out, angry eyes finding Kara immediately and one eyebrow already arched dangerously. “Thanks to you I had to wear my heels an extra hour,” Lena said, her glare somehow intensifying.

With a small eep Kara sped over and gently scooped a willing Lena into her arms. “Sorry, baby.”

“My stomach isn’t the one you should be apologizing too,” Lena grumbled, turning her glare to her very obviously pregnant stomach (though the glare immediately melted into a soft, if exasperated, look). She looped her arms around Kara’s neck and let her head fall against her shoulder as her eyes wandered the astonished crowd. When her eyes fell on herself, decked out in a supersuit and looking both hopeful and afraid at this sudden development, she rolled her eyes. “I’m assuming my lovely wife neglected to mention the fact that in our universe we’re married?”

“Uh, yeah,” other Kara said, her rounded eyes not leaving Lena’s stomach.

“Wait so the reason you didn’t want to stress me, uh, her, anymore was because I, I mean she, is p-p-pregnant?” Super Lena stuttered.

“Oh my god,” human Kara breathed in realization. “That why when I asked if your Lena was cranky cuz you did something stupid you said you’d actually done something brilliant and had that weird smirk on your face! You meant you did her!”

Super Lena choked on air at that one, and Kara’s wife gave her an exasperated look. “Really, babe?”

“Is it not true?” Kara counted, smirking at her wife for a moment before pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head. “I am sorry for not telling you I was aimlessly universe hopping. I was just worried.”

Lena sighed and nuzzled into Kara’s neck. “I know. We’re still talking about this little incident later, though.”

“Where are the rings, if I may ask?” Lex queried, a strange look on his face.

Lena flinched at the sound of his voice and burrowed impossibly closer to Kara as she turned her wary gaze to her not-brother. Silently, she held up one hand, her ring glinting in the light. Kara, meanwhile, shot a significant glance to her own wrist, where a matching bracelet could be seen peeking out of the sleeve of her suit.

“How did I not notice that?” Super Lena whispered to herself, eyes now caught on the bracelet. She only managed to pull her gaze away when she realized her favorite heartbeat (her Kara’s) was pounding especially hard, and she chanced a glance over to see what could only be a look of longing on Kara’s face.

“Go for it,” Lena encouraged, happily going back to ignoring Lex’s existence and closing her eyes. “Also we’re going home now. I need a foot rub. And a nap.” A massive yawn punctuated her statement and Kara gave her an impossibly fond look before shooting her human self a wink and walking through the portal, her wife cradled safely in her arms.

[misteria247]

Forgotten

Chapter Six

It was infuriating being forced to sit quietly while his hands are bound to keep him from getting away. Casey had explained what had happened while he continued to glare at the group of strangers that currently resided in the room with him. It was making him uncomfortable how they all gave him looks of various emotions all directed at him in some way. The rat was looking at him like he'd just watched him be stabbed right in front of him, the perfect picture of grief and disbelief. The red turtle was looking at him in anger and pain, almost as if he had no idea how to handle what he'd been told by Casey and April. The purple turtle was looking at him with concern and despair. And the last one, the orange turtle was looking at him like he'd personally shanked him in the kidney. Betrayal and confusion all over his expression.

It made him feel uncomfortable and to his confusion slightly guilty. He couldn't help but feel like it was his fault that they were feeling this way even though he didn't know these people. These strangers who kept calling him Leo, who kept looking at him like he was something important. It made him uneasy. It made him feel conflicted and on edge even more so than he'd originally been.

'I wish I had stayed in my forest.....'

He thought in a bitter manner. With each passing moment he found himself regretting his decision to leave his home in the forest more and more. Surely he could have taken those strangers in the forest near his shack on. He was decently strong and could fight well enough. If he'd just remained calm and thought things through then the people with the red footprint would have no longer have been a problem. But no. Instead he panicked and ran away hiding in an old pickup truck and making his way to this cursed place and being caught like an animal in a trap. He had no one to blame but himself for the situation he was in, no matter how much it unnerved him and made him afraid. The turtle was knocked out of his head by the sudden accented voice filling the room.

"So what are we gonna do Casey?? If what you're saying is true then that means that our brother doesn't even know who we are!! How are we gonna fix him?!?"

The red turtle snapped, frustration seeping into his tone. Casey didn't seem too bothered by his outburst, the man just reminded quiet as the turtle yelled.

"I don't know Raph. If I knew how to fix this I would have and you know that!"

Casey responded in a somewhat irritated manner despite the calmness he radiated. The red turtle, Raph was quick to jump on the tone his eyes narrowing into slits. But before he could say anything in response the purple turtle and April were in between them, quickly trying to defuse the situation before it exploded out of proportion.

"Raph calm down! I get you're upset, we all are but if we lose our heads now then we'll be of no help to Leo!"

The taller turtle exclaimed, his reddish brown eyes filled with nervousness and pain. Raph turned an angry green eyed stare towards him, the obvious frustration and newfound grief getting to him.

"How can I calm down when Leo's like this Donnie?!? How can I not lose my head when he doesn't even know who we are anymore?!?"

Raph exploded. Chaos erupted shortly after with several voices speaking to try and get Raph to calm down and to keep Casey from snapping. The giant rat was quick to try and get to his boys while the two humans were speaking over one another. He sat there silently, curling in on himself due to all the noise. He wasn't used to chaotic atmospheres like this, he was used to the peaceful atmosphere of his forest and the welcoming embrace of the trees and other wildlife that he'd lived in. As the group continued to somewhat shout at one another he was suddenly startled by the presence sitting near him. Dark nervous blue eyes quickly flickered in the direction of the unknown presence only to meet baby blue hues filled with concern and nervousness. The orange turtle had moved closer to him during the confusion, keeping a watchful eye on him the entire time he moved closer. The turtle stiffened in slight fear and stress as the smaller one moved a bit more towards him.

"Stay back."

He hissed in what he hoped was a threatening manner. The other turtle didn't pay any heed to him instead moving a little bit closer. At this point he was practically invading his space, just close enough to make out his features yet far enough that he wouldn't be able to cause any damage to the younger turtle. It scared him how undeterred the orange turtle was to move closer despite the earlier threat on his life.

"Get away....! I'm warning you if you don't back off right now I'll-"

His threat was cut off by the gentle hand that suddenly touched his shell. He felt the air leave his lungs as he froze in his place, his mind going blank from the bold move. It took a moment for him to realize what the other teen was doing. He was rubbing his shell in a soothing way, gentle circles touching the hardened surface in an attempt to give comfort. It left him stunned, unable to understand nor believe in what was happening. The other turtle continued the gentle gesture, keeping a focused gaze on him.

"It's....it's okay bro. I know you're scared and confused but.....but it'll be okay. I promise. You don't need to be scared anymore."

He said softly, his voice sounded innocent and kind. It baffled him how this other turtle's voice seemed to actually make him relax much to his horror. He didn't understand exactly why he found this fellow turtle teen suddenly comforting, why he couldn't attack him like he'd threatened earlier. Confused dark blue eyes watched him as he continued to comfort him.

"Why....why are you....?"

He croaked softly startling the other teen. Big blue eyes looked at him before soften slightly.

"Cause you need us.....just like we need you. You need me right now and I'm gonna be there for you because you're my big brother and...."

The younger turtle paused seemingly in thought for a brief moment.

"And you'd do the same thing for me if I was in your shoes....."

He finished staring at him head on. The older turtle sucked in a sharp breath, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. He'd never met this child before in his entire life, yet the way he looked at him and the way he spoke to him......it was so sincere. Unbearably sincere that it threw him off. It was at this point that he'd realized that the room had gone suspiciously silent which made him tense up again in unease. Tearing his gaze from the other he looked to see that the group that had been arguing had gone silent, their eyes watching the two interact. The purple turtle had what looked like a somewhat small smile on his face, his gap in his teeth peeking out a bit.

"Well it seems like Mikey already has the right idea on how to help him."

The tall turtle Donnie said seemingly relieved. The shorter turtle Raph was looking between them with an unreadable expression but his posture was relaxed now.

"Of course it'd be the baby of the family. Leo always had a soft spot for ya."

Raph said in a gruff tone. The rat was watching them with a small sorrowful smile before looking at Casey and April.

"Thank you both for finding my son. We're forever in your debt."

He said giving a grateful look towards the humans.

"We were happy to do it Master Splinter. Leo's family after all."

April said softly her gaze landing on him. He just stared back at her, confusion and caution on his face.

"I'd keep the zip ties on him till you get home at least. Leo maybe docile now but I've got a feeling that once that wears off he'll go and try to kick someone's ass."

Casey said in a blunt manner. Donnie gave him a small glare at the reminder of the zip ties that currently bound him and cut into his wrists. The orange turtle, Mikey frowned as he took in his wrists obviously not liking it. Raph and Master Splinter just stiffened a bit before surprisingly letting it go.

"Noted. I think it's time to head home, I've got to go check over his wounds and make sure he isn't hurt anywhere else."

Donnie said in a deathly calm voice. It made the tied up turtle stiffen even more at the underlying threat.

'If you ever do something like this again you'll regret it friend or not.'

Was the unsaid thing that hung in the air. Casey nodded understanding perfectly. He didn't have time to process anymore before he felt two strong arms wrap around him and yank him up only to throw him over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He felt himself panic a bit at the sudden touch and started to squirm to try and break free.

"Hey, hey! Careful Fearless you're gonna get hurt even more if you keep squirming!"

Raph's gruff tone filled his ears. Dark blue eyes quickly moved around the room in a slight panic before Mikey's eyes came into view, Donnie and Master Splinter watching him with a concerned look.

"It's okay we're just taking you home bro. We're not gonna hurt you, I promised remember?"

Mikey spoke in a somewhat soft voice to try and help him relax. The turtle looked at the group that currently had him, looking for any signs of a lie. Seeing nothing but the same sincerity that Mikey had he relaxed much to his dismay and allowed Raph to carry him. All too soon they were out of the apartment and heading towards a large vehicle where with surprisingly gentle hands Raph settled him inside. Once the others had hopped into the large truck they drove away, the apartment that held April and Casey disappearing behind them. Despite the nervousness and still lingering fear that prickled in the back of his mind he couldn't help but feel safer somewhat. He didn't know these people but they hadn't harmed him yet so he was going to go with it. If worse came to worse he could escape later. The turtle teen suddenly felt exhausted as the events of the day started to hit him full force. He shook himself to try and stay awake until a gentle rubbing to his shell relaxed him. Blinking he found himself looking at the red turtle Raph who was doing the same thing Mikey had done earlier. Bright green eyes softened slightly and no longer holding the earlier frustration and anger.

"Get some sleep Fearless. I'll make sure you're okay."

Raph said softly, somewhat embarrassed by his own voice. That was all it took for him to lean on the short tempered teen as he finally gave into sleep and leaving his fate up to the unknown future.

*I'm alive and yet somewhat dead whoop-! Okay so obviously our boy Leo is having a not so fun time with all of this but luckily he's got his family to help him out! Also I couldn't pass up some Mikey, Raph and Leo bonding time even if it's incredibly short and protective Donnie was a must. As this series goes on it'll focus on all of the family bonding with Leo and helping him in anyway they can. Anyways if any y'all read this I hope you enjoyed it!*

[davids-cartoon-corkboard]

Do you think that if Shredder!Raph will occur in rottmnt, the aftermath might result in Raph inheriting some of Shredder’s rage even after saved? Maybe that is how the crew is going to implement Raph’s trademark temper throughout previous generations and maybe even make him have to step down due to it, making Leo the new leader?

Short answer: “Inheriting the rage of a centuries-old demon" is a dope-ass idea, so if you’re a writer I would definitely encourage you to use that in your own stuff. But I think that if Raph’s temper worsens throughout the show, it should be because of his own character development and not a magical effect. However, a Shredder!Raph scenario could contribute to said worsening temper by inflicting emotional/psychological damage instead. :)

Long answer ahoy!

Looking at “Many Unhappy Returns” from the Shredder’s perspective makes it very clear why he does what he does. Like, he’s been dead for five hundred years, and then something went wrong with his resurrection. He’s waking up with no idea where he is or what’s going on and oh shit those guys are pointing weapons at him, that’s a threat!

Note that he doesn’t even bolt for them immediately, he does a warning stomp and screech (back off!) before starting to approach.

Those other guys are yelling, that’s also a threat,

and they’re closer so he’s gonna attack them first, actually. (None of the Foot wind up even comically injured, suggesting that flailing them around was an intimidation tactic rather than genuine Murderous Intent.)

And then the first group attacks, so of course he’s going to retaliate.

And then suddenly he’s somewhere else, with other threats (the animatronics), and then the first group that attacked him is back, so he’s gonna fight them again.

And these jerks just keep following him? He’s not going to ignore that. And WOW that’s a lot of bright lights and loud noises, which are also threats, what the fuck is going on?!

And then this tiny human girl chucks a giant metal box at him, holy SHIT?! Sure, the Shredder is a dangerous antagonist, but at this point I wouldn’t call him a “bad guy”, he’s literally just responding to what’s happening to him.

In summary, the Shredder was stressed tf out because he didn’t know where he was or what was happening, he retaliated against perceived threats, and quite possibly wouldn’t have attacked the turtles in the first place if they hadn’t just rushed in without understanding the situation.

Gosh, doesn’t that sound familiar?

So yeah, I’m waiting for Rise to give us that good good Shredder!Raph content.

As for the possibility of Leo taking over afterwards... no, but also yes, sort of? On the one hand, we know that Leo does have leadership capabilities, and it would be a waste for the narrative to not explore that. On the other hand, Rise has broken from the status quo in many ways, and it would also be a waste for the show to do a complete 180 and return to Leo Being The Leader™.

Consider how the “leader” role has influenced Leo in past iterations: his perfectionism wears on him and his brothers, any failure tanks his self-esteem, he feels isolated from the rest due to taking on such a large share of responsibility, being an authority figure grinds everyone’s gears, etc. It’s just bad for his mental health.

No doubt all this responsibility will also wear on Rise!Raph as the story progresses and the stakes get higher. It will be bad for him as well. But if Raph steps down, Leo will once again suffer from the weight of this role. So if neither option is quite correct, if neither brother can shoulder the burden of leadership alone, then the solution is just... for neither of them to shoulder the burden of leadership alone. Sure, Raph will probably remain leader in title and in spirit, but Leo taking on a sort of “deputy” role makes sense from a strategic standpoint, and would be good for his character development.

Here’s how I think it could go down:

The Shredder!Raph scenario will be different from the Shredder!Draxum scenario. The Shredder was starved for mystic energy the first time around, so he immediately chewed Draxum up and spit him out. But Raph could be compared more to a battery than a meal; it will take a while for the Shredder to drain him. And at this point the Shredder could be back in “evil samurai” mode, and thus will understand the value of holding Raph hostage.

Y’all who have followed my blog for a bit know about my “Raph is a system” theory; that when he was little, he got separated from his family and pursued by some cryptid hunter. This trauma formed Savage Raph, who is able to handle “being lost/alone/threatened” when Host Raph cannot. “Pizza Puffs” didn’t give us a lot of info about who I’m calling “Red Raph”, but he made his presence known when Host Raph was sort of... "emotionally alone”? In that his brothers were dying a little bit and too stoned to care.

So if Raph is trapped inside a living cage, scared and helpless and hurt and exhausted, his family unable to help him... he’s not going to be able to handle it.

Or, rather, Host Raph isn’t going to be able to handle it.

These two can, though.

I’m imagining a scene in the mindscape where the Shredder says something like “Your pathetic family cannot bear to strike you down, and so there is nothing that can stand in m- wait, why are there three of you OW FUCK-” Red and Savage will mentally kick his ass long enough for the other turtles to rip off a chunk of the armor so Leo can portal it into another dimension or something. Shredder gets K.O.’d since he’s not whole anymore, and the battle is won.

Since the armor didn’t drain Raph as severely as it did Draxum, he won’t become as weak as Draxum did. However, it will still take him some time to recover. Raph trusts Leo in serious moments as of “Many Unhappy Returns”, and he already took charge when Raph wasn’t available back in “Man vs. Sewer”. So Raph will be like, “Hey Leo, can you handle the Mad Dogs for a bit? Just long enough for me to get back on my feet.” And Leo will be like, “Sure bro, I’ve got this.”

He does not, in fact, “got this”. Leo’s ego has caused trouble before (”Shell in a Cell”, “Minotaur Maze”), and being in charge will no doubt go to his head. This has the potential for both comedy and seriousness, leading to wacky mishaps and genuine danger. Being the leader is hard work and it’s not always fun, but someone has to do it and Leo will have to put the others before himself for it to get done. Once Leo realizes this, he could bond with Raph by asking for his advice on leadership. Sometimes Leo will follow the advice and sometimes he won’t, sometimes that will work out and sometimes it won’t, laying the foundation for the idea that there are situations where it will be better for one or the other to lead, rather than having one lead all the time. But that will only happen for a few episodes, because Raph will heal quickly and he’ll be the leader again and everything will be fine!

Everything will not, in fact, be fine. Raph is the strongest in the family, the tank, the one who can take a hit so the smaller ones don’t have to... the idea of being hurt, of being weak, scares him because his family is also in danger if he’s unwell. So I don’t think he’ll acknowledge to anyone, not even himself, that getting possessed hurt him emotionally as well as physically. And when a wound isn’t acknowledged, it doesn’t get tended to, and when a wound isn’t tended to, it gets worse.

That he’s a system will add another layer of complexity to this. The Shredder!Raph incident would make all the alters aware of each other via mindscape shenanigans, but it would also leave them with the fear of not being in control, so I think they’ll come in conflict with each other for a bit. They’ll argue with themselves, switch, and lose time more often, enough that it impedes their ability to function and the other characters start to notice something is wrong.

Host Raph will convince himself that Everything Is Fine and try to get things “back to normal”, which probably means he’s just straight-up not going to acknowledge that he's a system. He’ll rationalize that he’s always “gotten weird” from time to time, so it’s nothing to think too hard about... right?

Savage Raph will be on high alert because they just survived a near-death (a near soul-destroying) experience. He’ll probably take the front and go overboard fighting some villains that Host Raph could have ordinarily fought on his own. It might also take a while to convince Savage Raph that these “sewer monsters” who keep following him around really don’t mean him any harm.

Red Raph will get snappy (pardon the pun) about the more social aspect of “not being in control”; that Host Raph asked Leo to be in charge and then Leo started being an egotistical dumbass. And when Leo does make the right decisions, Donnie and Mikey might side with him over Raph, and that will also grind his gears.

Mix all that together and you have a recipe for a capital b Breakdown.

So yeah, I can definitely see how the Shredder!Raph incident and its aftermath would worsen all three of their tempers, trauma will fuck up your emotions real bad. Perhaps Host Raph loses faith in himself and tries to step down and get Leo to replace him as leader... only for Leo to be like “Bro I cannot do this full time I will one hundred percent have my own Breakdown if that happens.”

The life lessons here are that Leo learns to offer support by sometimes taking the leader role; not to benefit his own ego, but because he wants to help Raph. And Raph learns to accept support by letting Leo be in charge sometimes; not because he’s weak or incapable, but because he can’t always be a Staunch Immovable Rock and he needs to let himself rest by trusting Leo.

And then the Raphs can work on communicating, cooperating, letting their allies know about them, digging into their trauma, etc. now that they have some breathing room.

(Do you think the Hidden City has therapists? Steven Universe and Mao Mao both have therapists can we BLEASE get one for Raph.)

[keysszz]

Simular In Many Ways

A ROTTMNT Fanfic

Leo sighed as he started the next movie on the TV.

It was three in the morning, and he was wide awake due to the usual case of insomnia. He didn't fight it anymore since it was so common for him to just be up late at night, so he would go and watch movies in the living room until he fell asleep or until his other brothers got up. That would be hours later, and he would be groggy by then.

But with every passing movie, he couldn't enjoy them. He had his mind set on something else.

...If he was a true member of the team.

It was really starting to get on his nerves. He knew that he was wanted, appreciated, and loved by his family and his friend April, but the back of his brain told him he was useless. These thoughts would pop up in his head at random, and no matter how hard he tried to forget it, they would rush back to his brain.

Talking it out didn't help either...

Well, maybe it would if the slider wasn't so stubborn. If he let his brothers ask him about this topic, maybe he would be more willing to tell them how he truly felt. Maybe he would show them that he felt worried, scared, and just utterly useless.

Mikey even tried to use Dr. Feelings on him once, and though the box turtle thought that everything was all good now, Leo would just mask it behind the millions of one-liners and smiles he had.

Raph wasn't the best to talk to either. He was good at feelings; sure, but he just didn't understand Leo.

And Donnie was way out of the question.

He didn't like feelings at all, so why would he know or care about how Leo felt?

Sighing again, he paused the movie and just stared into the darkness. It wasn't like he was watching it anyway, and the quiet was nice.

He then heard footsteps approaching and he turned around, smiling softly as he saw his twin. Sure, Donnie wasn't good at feelings, but they could always talk about other things.

And Leo was definitely gonna make sure they talked about anything other than his problems.

Once Donnie finished up making the coffee he came for, he took his mug and sat beside Leo on the couch, the two sitting in silence as he drank.

"Working in the lab?" Leo asked with a smile.

Donnie nodded in response and sat his mug on the coffee table, looking up at the TV.

"What are you watching?" he asked the slider.

"Nothing now," Leo answered. "I got bored."

It went silent again as Donnie stared at the screen, trying to see the name of the movie before Leo had paused it.

"Insomnia?" Donnie asked him.

"Yeah, she's the worst," Leo sighed. "It sucks that I have to stay awake because of it."

"Did you try the new tea I got you?" Donnie questioned as he looked at his brother.

"Yeah, but it won't work," Leo groaned. "Tea doesn't seem to have any effect on me anymore."

"Huh, that's weird," Donnie replied. "There's gotta be something that can help you."

"It's no big deal," Leo waved his hand. "I've managed for this long, so I'll be fine."

Donnie nodded and he was about to ask the slider something, but he turned back to the TV screen.

"What?" Leo asked, raising a non-existing eyebrow.

"It's nothing," Donnie answered as he grabbed the remote.

"Oh come on, don't do that Donnie," Leo sighed. "Am I gonna have to force it out of you or are you just gonna come out and say it?"

"It's nothing Leon," Donnie responded as he clicked through the movies. "I'm fine."

Leo huffed at his brother, taking away the remote from his grasp. Donnie looked at him angrily and Leo sighed again.

"Don, you know this never ends well," Leo told him. "So how about we talk about this so that I don't bug you all night?"

Donnie glared at Leo before sighing and looking the other way.

"It's just... I've been thinking..." the softshell started.

"About what?" Leo asked.

"About the team," Donnie answered. "It's nothing bad, per se... It's mainly me just thinking about my role."

"Um, you're the scientist, duh!" Leo said as he nudged him. Wow, Donnie could forget stuff sometimes but this was just weird.

"You invent stuff, what's there more to think about?"

"No, not that!" Donnie groaned. "I mean... you guys have mystic weapons and stuff."

"Yeah?" Leo said with a confused stare, not getting what the genius was saying.

"So am I really needed?" Donnie asked with a sigh. He looked in the other direction as he waited for Leo to respond.

Leo stared at his brother. Did he really just ask that?! Of course he was needed! They would be nowhere without him!

"Of course you're needed!" Leo exclaimed. "Why would you even think that?!"

"With your mystic powers and weapons, you can accomplish so much more than what I can!" Donnie said as he turned to look at Leo again. "You don't need my science!"

Leo looked at his brother in shock. He couldn't believe what he was saying.

...Were those tears in Donnie's eyes?

Was Donnie really serious about this? And if so... Would he really cry about it? Leo knew that the genius was always reluctant to cry and show his feelings, and whenever he did the softshell would let everything out.

He knew that from the previous arguments they had in the past. The amount of shouting that would go down would be insane, and he didn't want that to happen right now, not when the rest of the family was asleep.

"Donnie, you are definitely needed on this team," Leo told him.

"Says someone that actually has a purpose," Donnie scoffed. Leo stared at him in shock before his face turned into an angry scowl.

Donnie thought he had a purpose?! Oh, now that's funny!

"You wanna talk about purposes?" Leo asked. "Cause lets do that. I have no point in being on this team. You guys have talents; you're the brains, Mikey's the artist, and Raph's the brawn. And what am I? The face man?! Without me, you guys would be just fine!"

"That's not true!" Donnie remarked. "You come up with so many plans on the spot, plans that I would never have thought about!"

Leo could feel his face get hotter, the tears flooding into his eyes as he spoke.

"I'm sure you're just saying that to make me feel better," he replied back.

"I am not Leon," Donnie told him. "The plans you make are amazing, and if you can do that, then why am I needed? I'm supposedly the 'brains' of the team, but you guys can do some much without my input as it is!"

"Can you stop saying that?!" Leo shouted, covering his mouth as he realized that he had gotten loud. Mikey and Raph did not need to hear this right now. Leo didn't want to explain to them what was happening, and he knew Dr. Feelings would have another session with him if he found out.

"You are needed, we wouldn't have defeated Shredder without you-"

"I used a handkerchief Leon, a handkerchief!" Donnie yelled, not caring if the others could hear him. His voice got louder with every passing word.

"The stupid thing didn't even work on him for long! You know how much that says about my fighting skills?!"

"At least you're trusted!" Leo shouted. "Me? You guys don't trust me at all! I'm sure if I wasn't around you'd all be much better!"

"You think that's bad? At least you're not a failure!" Donnie stated. "I have to live with knowing that my inventions and creations are nothing but failures. All of them either go evil or haywire!"

"I am a failure!" Leo shouted back, wiping his eyes from the many tears that had begun to flow.

"Have you not seen the many times my portal has failed?! The plans I create!? Fails are my life!"

At this point, both of the twins were in tears. They stared at each other angrily as their faces turned into frowns of shock. They had realized what the other had said, and they knew that they were wrong for it.

"Donnie... you're not a failure..." Leo said quietly. "You're amazing."

"You're not a failure either," Donnie sighed. "I don't know why you would think that..."

"I've just had so many mess-ups," Leo replied. "But I guess I should stop thinking this way."

The room fell silent as the twins stared at each other, the only noise being their sniffles.

"This is a weird way to spend a night," Leo chuckled softly. "Didn't think I was gonna cry."

"Neither did I," Donnie smiled softly. "Though I guess I needed it."

"You know, it makes sense that we're twins," Leo grinned, getting a groan from his brother. "Just think about it, we feel the same way about ourselves. I never thought you felt like you weren't needed. And I know you hear me say it all the time."

"Yeah," Donnie replied. "I just never thought about bringing it up."

"Ok, but be honest," Leo smiled. "Are you jealous of our weapons?"

Donnie looked at Leo with a raised eyebrow and sighed.

"Maybe..." Donnie answered. "But if you tell the others, you're dead."

"Trust me, my lips are sealed," Leo saluted.

The twins smiled at each other as Leo grabbed the remote and looked at a movie they could watch. Though they didn't say it, it felt nice to finally let go of their anger and stress. It was definitely something the both of them had needed to do.

~~~~~

When Mikey and Raph finally got up, they found the twins lying on the couch fast asleep.

"Wow," Raph gasped. "Never thought I'd see them in the same room together, let alone this close."

"Did something happen while we were asleep?" Mikey asked.

"I'm not sure," Raph answered. "I mean, I did hear some sort of noise last night, but I couldn't tell what it was because I feel deeper into my sleep."

The two turtles looked at each other before they shrugged, walking into the kitchen to get something to eat. They'd ask the twins later, and hopefully they would get a response from them.

But since they were so good at keeping secrets, Raph and Mikey probably won't get an answer for a while.

[colitisandme]

Self care, don’t care.
Before I start this blog post, I want to say last month was probably one of the most exciting months of my life as I became a finalist at the Wego health awards 2021 for Rookie of the year category. I could not and still cannot believe that my blog, Social media page and general posts resonated so strongly with you lovely lot and is recognised so highly by Patient leaders across the world. So thank you. That night and the excitement I felt throughout the whole of the month is something I will never forget. I love you all. 😊
So, the reason that I have not posted a full blog for a few months is … well honestly like I have felt like over cooked spaghetti. You know when pasta is cooked to long, and it all gets sort of mushy and stuck together, people avoid it, make appreciative noises when you bring a plate of it out, and when your back is turned, they stuff it behind some sort of pot plant or when it becomes so claggy you could use it as some kind of DIY alternative for tile glue. Well yeah, like that. I think the thing that started it was the realisation that I would have to go out into the world after lock down – back to work, seeing people, whilst still trying to stay safe and well and not feel like wallpaper paste. It was also the scary realisation of how Phyllis has very much become a permanent fixture in my life and how my mobility and general staying ‘uprightness’ has got worse in a year. Suddenly the safe cocoon I had built for myself, and my husband was obliterated. I suddenly became very wary of others, especially large groups of people with faces. The walk that I could complete which would take me to the bus stop a year ago became this game of Russian roulette to see how impossible it would be to carry myself, a bag on wheels and walk in a straight line on a 60mph road with no pavement, and I was pretty sure there was a higher than likely chance, if I fell over, I would get rolled on by a vehicle or 6 coming in the opposite direction and I would spend the rest of my life in 2D. Pre fibro, I used to be able to hop in a ditch with care free abandonment, waving merrily to all the passengers in the cars going past, letting the cars whizz past me in the knowledge that I was safe and sound (albeit muddy) but oh Mama those days are long gone. Since Fibro makes me feel like my legs are tied together with bungee cords and my reflexes are not up to par, hopping anywhere would require me to be lifted up on a trampoline by a team of 4, said team pressing me up and down in unison in some kind of bouncy motion, then hoisted up by winch, until a team of workers could create some kind of solid landing platform for me to land on. However I fear the reality of me trying to leap out of the way as a car comes screaming towards me, would cause me to losing my footing and end up arse over face, in a ditch covered by twigs, moss, grass and last nights remnants of KFC, then trying to scrabble out of said ditch, swearing, removing, chicken wrappers out of my hair, apologising to the squirrel I have just rolled on. All whilst some twat face leaned out of a car window, absolutely wetting themselves at the sight of this mad Stig of the dump like creature covered in mud and tears, stopping only to take a video of me for their social media page. Then once I had managed to dig my way out of said ditch and on two feet, I would have to drag my poor bruised, hair straggled self to a bus stop filled with suspicious people all wondering why I look so dirty and smell of chicken and suddenly have 3000 views on you tube. That thought is stressful. All those tasks I didn’t have to worry about whilst safe in my little bubble, became now something extra to worry about and I have to admit I have not coped with the change very well. As well as that my darling husband, (yes we still like each other after a year of us both working from home) suddenly started a new job, a better more shiny job, and I didn’t see him as much. I missed him, in fact I still miss him. I lost my lockdown buddy and suddenly the world became much more difficult to navigate with chronic illness, and I retreated into my shell like a sad turtle, not sure how to re-integrate myself back into society. 
I know I have not been alone in my thoughts. I met up with one of my darling friends a few weeks ago, and she confessed she had been struggling over lockdown. Her feelings very much echoed my own, except I felt all the things she was feeling now the world was opening up again and so I wondered why? Why now when we have the choice to go out more and explore and be free, dance in the sunflowers with our hair blowing in the wind, why now am I feeling like the feeling of going out fills me with dread and anxiety? I think it’s the feeling of losing control. In my bubble, I had complete control of my own actions. For one whole year, I went out about 6 times throughout the pandemic. I created this lovely, safe, nest for myself and my husband. It was comforting and familiar. Now I feel like I have lost that. I have returned to the office where I work, I know because I am alone in my house I need to do things to upkeep my own mental health and now feel like I have to go out. Its this horrible catch 22 situation where I feel nervous leaving the house but then sad if I stay inside. There’s no safe space for me anymore, plus I had to fully confront head on the effects of fibro and the chronic fatigue syndrome a year on.. One person asked me ‘ So, why were you able to do….. and not able to now?’ and my answer was ‘BECAUSE ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I HAD TO AND PHYLLIS IS NOT HAPPY WITH THE NEW ARRANGEMENTS’ followed by ‘Please by all means if you have any grievances, take it up with her I am sure she would be delighted to answer any complaints you have to why I am suddenly not able to walk without looking slightly drunk/ lob sided, speak without repeating myself, and losing the words for toast but be please be aware she likes to swear and bite’ …. and that’s why I feel like over stretched cheese. 
So I have had to regroup…. and quite honestly, I am not there yet. It is hard. I am falling into a rut where I am struggling to leave the house or get out of a very stale routine. I have become reliant on my ‘comfort things’ to help me get me through my rough days…. An abundance of tea, MasterChef Australia, MKR, Disney and pyjamas (whilst at home) and I feel like I have lost my Jess spark and not sure how to get it back. I know I am going to have to put a lot of work into self-care to get me back on an even keel, drastically reduce my tv time drastically, start arty projects again, go and see real people with real faces, stop glaring at strangers not wearing masks, follow a routine, say my self-affirmations once again, listen to mindfulness exercises, complete more meditation…. Its going to be hard work. But I refuse to lose myself again. So, if I am quieter than usual, or seem a bit lost, It’s because… because well I am a bit lost. This new world is hard to navigate whilst juggling fibro and LC and CFS and sometimes I just want to drop all my juggling balls and quit the circus. So, for a little while I am going to focus on Jess. And gently supporting myself to feel like me again, one step at a time. I know Phyllis is going to hate me and with all the change I have spent more time on the toilet than recommended dealing with Colins ever changing habits and demands…. But its something I need to do, and for others trying to step back into the world after all this upheaval and unease, I just want to give you a big hug. You got this. Whether you struggled through lockdown, or are struggling now out of lockdown, please be gentle with yourself. One step at a time and if you need to regroup and recharge, then you do that. I am going to try and speak about the way I am feeling and encourage you all to do the same. After all, with this ever-changing world of chronic illness, symptoms, medication, appointments and this new normal, then its important we all support each other because we are all in this together.

[halothenthehorns]

TLTNL- SNAPE VICTORIOUS

Sirius tried to start as calmly as he could, even trying to sound curious instead of outraged at what was being done to Harry. He'd never heard of someone being left on the train before, honestly if he'd thought about it he would have said there should be some magical means to stop this happening. No matter what his mind tried to offer in peace though, he began reading so hectically, they all had to concentrate very hard to even understand him, as if they weren't doing that anyways.

Harry could not move a muscle. He lay there beneath the Invisibility Cloak feeling the blood from his nose flow, hot and wet, over his face, listening to the voices and footsteps in the corridor beyond. His immediate thought was that someone would surely check the compartments before the train departed again. But at once came the dispiriting realization that even if somebody looked into the compartment, he would be neither seen nor heard.

"Maybe somebody else will come in and step on you!" Remus said half hysterically, while Sirius gave a mechanical laugh for a sentence he never thought he'd want to hear.

His best hope was that somebody else would walk in and step on him.

Sirius was so distracted he didn't even seem to realize there had been a repeat for once.

Harry had never hated Malfoy more than as he lay there, like an absurd turtle on its back, blood dripping sickeningly into his open mouth. What a stupid situation to have landed himself in... and now the last few footsteps were dying away; everyone was shuffling along the dark platform outside; he could hear the scraping of trunks and loud babble of talk.

James was jittering so much in place he looked like he had to run to the bathroom, Lily half expected McGonagall to shout any moment for Potter to sit still. Of course she was as stressed as the rest of them, but she really couldn't understand the guilt he was trying to smother with that same expression.

He caught his wife staring at him and tried to martial his expression better, hoping not to give her any extra worries, as if they needed them now, by saying, "surely Ron or Hermione will notice he's gone and tell someone! This won't be a problem!" He still ended in an agitated grimace that this was happening at all. How was it possible of all the times his son had used the only gift he'd left him, it had ended up worse more times than useful! Why couldn't anything ever work out like it should!*

Ron and Hermione would think that he had left the train without them. Once they arrived at Hogwarts and took their places in the Great Hall, looked up and down the Gryffindor table a few times, and finally realized that he was not there, he, no doubt, would be halfway back to London.

Lily was distracted from James at once, making a high agitated noise this was happening to him! Everybody would be panicking, any number of things would go on before the spell began to wear off hours later and Harry somehow managed to get in contact again!

  He tried to make a sound, even a grunt, but it was impossible. Then he remembered that some wizards, like Dumbledore, could perform spells without speaking,

"The difference is, they're still holding their wands while they do!" Remus uneasily corrected, clearly trying to rid the awkward silence hanging above them all for this. "You'll actually be starting to do that this year, assuming of course-"

"I get off the train first," Harry finished for him, causing Remus' mouth to snap shut again at once.

so he tried to summon his wand, which had fallen out of his hand,

"Let's just be grateful Malfoy didn't take that," Sirius muttered.

by saying the words 'Accio Wand!' over and over again in his head, but nothing happened.

"Do you even know how to get yourself out of that spell?" Remus couldn't seem to help but question. "I've hardly heard anyone tell you Finite Incantatem, though you certainly picked up on other spells just by watching them-"

Sirius gently placed his hand on Remus' back, but insisted threatening, "Moony, if you don't shut up, you'll need much more than that spell to be able to speak again."

Remus had to use a conscious effort to keep himself shut up, he knew not to take that threat ideally.

He thought he could hear the rustling of the trees that surrounded the lake, and the far-off hoot of an owl, but no hint of a search being made or even (he despised himself slightly for hoping it) panicked voices wondering where Harry Potter had gone.

James gave his sons shoulder a shaky pat, not at all blaming him for that one, they were all wondering that same thing.

Lily was biting her tongue in the effort to stop herself hoping aloud the train wouldn't even take back off if a student stayed on for some reason, surely some magic would hold it there; or even better, it wouldn't move at all until the end of next year, and why would it! Obviously someone would find him by then, they were panicking for nothing...

A feeling of hopelessness spread through him as he imagined the convoy of thestral-drawn carriages trundling up to the school and the muffled yells of laughter issuing from whichever carriage Malfoy was riding in, where he could be recounting his attack on Harry to Crabbe, Goyle, Zabini, and Pansy Parkinson.

Harry groaned miserably, as if this wasn't all bad enough! He couldn't believe those around him weren't laughing yet either, it was quite close to the most humiliating thing since Skeeter's articles.

The train lurched, causing Harry to roll over onto his side. Now he was staring at the dusty underside of the seats instead of the ceiling. The floor began to vibrate as the engine roared into life. The Express was leaving and nobody knew he was still on it...

Lily couldn't help but grouse none to silently with her fingers at her temple, there went that wish! Her mind was steam rolling as fast as that train with all the horrible ways this was going to go!

Then he felt his Invisibility Cloak fly off him and a voice overhead said, Wotcher, Harry.

"Tonks is back!" Sirius whooped at once with so much joy he nearly tossed the book across the room again. The others were so relieved that finally this had been resolved so quickly, they hardly even noticed his shout, let alone to question yet why she was there.

There was a flash of red light and Harry's body unfroze; he was able to push himself into a more dignified sitting position, hastily wipe the blood off his bruised race with the back of his hand, and raise his head to look up at Tonks, who was holding the Invisibility Cloak she had just pulled away.

"Yes, yes, yes!" James kept repeating over and over, a ridiculously stupid smile stuck in place as suddenly all their worries before just seemed silly now. Even their kid couldn't get into all the trouble they'd been imagining because of such a sideways scenario.

She told they had to get out of here, quickly,

"And thank Merlin," Lily breathed in agreement, she didn't fancy the idea of that being decided any farther away from the school than was necessary.

as the train windows became obscured with steam and they began to move out of the station. She said they'd have to jump for it.

Harry hurried after her into the corridor. She pulled open the train door and leapt onto the platform, which seemed to be sliding underneath them as the train gathered momentum. He followed her, staggered a little on landing, then straightened up in time to see the gleaming scarlet steam engine pick up speed, round the corner, and disappear from view.

Remus still couldn't help one more uneasy laugh, whoever would have thought he'd find a train menacing.

The cold night air was soothing on his throbbing nose. Tonks was looking at him; he felt angry and embarrassed that he had been discovered in such a ridiculous position. Silently she handed him back the Invisibility Cloak, asking who'd done it?

"A dead ferret," Sirius vowed, Malfoy would pay for this, surely someone would see to that!

Harry bitterly answered Malfoy, before awkwardly thanking her.

She returned it wasn't a problem, without smiling.

"I'd hope not," James sniffed. If there was anything not funny, they'd certainly found it.

Harry looked a little dumbfounded he so clearly thought this, he'd been sure at least him or Sirius would get a chuckle out of it eventually.

From what Harry could see in the darkness, she was as mousy-haired and miserable-looking as she had been when he had met her at the Burrow.

"Oh dear," Lily murmured, in unease again at once. Considering all Tonks had just done for Harry they all hated the idea there was something so clearly wrong with the bubbly girl they'd first been introduced to. She again worried about the poor dear's health, that maybe that fight at the Ministry had done something permanent to her and she truly was sick with something.

She offered to fix his nose.

"Last I checked she couldn't fold socks, not sure I'd trust her with something so vital as my face," Sirius tried to crack a grin again, though it fell flat with everyone still uneasy about what Harry had just avoided and at immediately falling into worry about a girl they didn't even really know.

Harry did not think much of this idea; he had been intending to visit Madam Pomfrey, the matron, in whom he had a little more confidence when it came to Healing Spells,

"Well Tonks is a trained Auror," Remus defended half-heartedly, both Sirius and Harry still looking like they agreed with this, but Tonks deserved this credit. "Give her a break, I'm sure she's plenty good at her job, aside from stumbling over her boots now and again."

"Let's hope her aim doesn't rely on her balance then, I'd not like all my cartilage removed this time," Harry huffed, easily ignoring whatever was wanting to make him laugh about Remus vouching for Tonks like that.

but it seemed rude to say this, so he stayed stock-still and closed his eyes, as she said Episkey.

Harry's nose felt very hot, and then very cold. He raised a hand and felt gingerly. It seemed to be mended, and he thanked her gratefully.

She gave no acknowledgement, just telling him to put the cloak back on, still unsmiling.

As Harry swung the cloak back over himself, she waved her wand; an immense silvery four-legged creature erupted from it and streaked off into the darkness.

"Ooh, wonder what her Patronus is," Sirius said at once with high curiosity, he loved knowing about those.

"If I would have guessed before that, Peacock," James snickered, easily imagining the girl turning into a brightly colored bird.**

"It does make one wonder though, if she chose to be an Animagus, could she change that animals coloring at will," Remus' mind at once began spinning curiously to all the possibilities her biology would offer to other means of magic. "What of Polyjuice Potion? Or simply Charms in general meant to change your physical appearance? Would the effects simply not work on her physically, or she'd hide them well enough?"

Lily looked highly interested as well, she certainly didn't know of many studies done with this considering Metamorphmagus were so rare, but Sirius interrupted the pair, "I will never understand your mind! I asked one bloody question and you go on a full essay about the woman!"

"It's interesting, I'm sorry it's not about snogging some broad or you might have a care as well," Remus said a little snappy, what was the harm?

"Hurtful," Sirius rolled his eyes, "and not relevant! She's not hear to be doing this now, so can we remain on subject."

"You just want to hear Harry getting revenge on Malfoy," James pointed out to Remus rolling his eyes right back.

"Well he could have just said that," Remus conceded, he did want to hear that too.

Harry asked if that was her Patronus, he'd seen Dumbledore send messages like this.

Lily interrupted this time just to tick all of the boys off, "I honestly hope Dumbledore's working on developing that method of communication now, I can't wait to learn it."

Sirius groaned loudly and tired to keep going around her no matter how much he agreed.

She agreed she was sending word to the castle she had him, or they'd worry.

"Guess I should be relieved," Harry muttered, though his mind was now on the curious topic of how even Tonks had noticed and found him, but he kept his mouth shut in hopes he'd ask her.

They set off toward the lane that led to the school as Harry asked how she'd found him?

She'd noticed he hadn't left, and seen that compartments blinds closed, so she checked it out.

"Thank Merlin the woman does her job," Lily sighed in relief, they were all feeling the same for that deduction.

Harry asked what she was even doing here?

Her job, she was stationed at the school now for extra protection. It wasn't just her, Proudfoot, Savage, and Dawlish were around as well.

Harry recalled Dawlish as an Auror Dumbledore had attacked last year.

"I'm sure he's just thrilled with the assignment," James snorted.

They trudged up the dark, deserted lane, following the freshly made carriage tracks. Harry looked sideways at Tonks under his cloak. Last year she had been inquisitive (to the point of being a little annoying at times),

"I remember well, her and Moony would get along swimmingly," Sirius rolled his eyes while Remus made a face at him, it wasn't that uncommon a trait. Sirius could get that way as well when he pulled his head out of his arse.

she had laughed easily, she had made jokes. Now she seemed older and much more serious and purposeful.

"Ironically, that's nothing like me," Sirius tried to grin, though it was soured a bit as he wondered like the rest why the change. Surely it wasn't about him? He really hadn't thought they'd gotten on that well...

Was this all the effect of what had happened at the Ministry? He reflected uncomfortably that Hermione would have suggested he say something consoling about Sirius to her,

Lily made a loud tisking noise to hide her clutched throat for the reminder, speaking quickly to cover that, "would it really take Hermione's voice? Have you no conscience?"

"It seems to appear as her," Harry uneasily tried to laugh back.

that it hadn't been her fault at all, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was far from blaming her for Sirius's death; it was no more her fault than anyone else's (and much less than his),

Sirius had to swallow hard around a heavy lump in his throat and even still managed to give Harry a critical eye. His face however was distant, a now familiar look of trying to hold back a memory, and so Sirius hoped that whatever it was his pup wasn't still holding that against himself now. Sirius was sure he'd made himself clear on that front.

but he did not like talking about Sirius if he could avoid it, so they tramped on through the cold night in silence, Tonks's long cloak whispering on the ground behind them.

Lily did sigh with some disappointment though. Not that she would have been any happier Harry bringing it up, for the successive eighth chapter now, but she'd like some kind of answer for what was wrong with Tonks if it wasn't that. Even not being able to help the poor dear, it would have been nice to get an answer, maybe some clear hope of helping her before the problem even started.

Having always traveled there by carriage, Harry had never before appreciated just how far Hogwarts was from Hogsmeade Station.

"Harry clearly hasn't been to Hogsmeade enough," James mumbled, that idea never not boggling his mind his son didn't know those grounds as well as him.

With great relief he finally saw the tall pillars on either side of the gates, each topped with a winged boar. He was cold, he was hungry and he was quite keen to leave this new, gloomy Tonks behind.

They all winced, Harry hardest of all, no matter how true it felt. As if they needed more depression in their life.

When he put out a hand to push open the gates, he found them chained shut. He said confidently Alohomora, pointing his wand at the padlock, but nothing happened.

"I would be genuinely disappointed if it did," Lily pointed out while the perplexed look on Harry's face turned agitated.

Tonks said that wouldn't work, those had been bewitched by Dumbledore himself.

Harry glanced around himself and suggested climbing the wall.

"I wouldn't recommend that," James snorted softly, both parents enjoying that look growing on Harry as he was clearly expecting an answer from them as well as Tonks any second.

Tonks flatly said that wasn't possible, anti-intruder jinxes would stop him.

Harry, starting to feel annoyed at her lack of helpfulness, just suggested he'd sleep out here till morning then.

"An option, though pointless as you know she's already sent a message," Sirius tacked on while Harry heavily rolled his eyes at the lot of them, glad they were getting their kicks in.

James was just baffled why Harry wasn't silently thinking of getting into the castle through at least two of the entrances he knew of down in Hogsmeade.

Tonks promised someone was coming down for him now, and when Harry turned back he saw a lantern bobbing towards them. He was so pleased to see it he felt he could even endure Filch's wheezy criticisms of his tardiness and rants about how his timekeeping would improve with the regular application of thumbscrews.

"The man's truly a delight if you don't think about him," Remus agreed sarcastically, none of them forgetting he should have been sacked after what he'd tried to pull last year. They'd be as disappointed to hear of him again as they would if Snape had been back.

It was not until the glowing yellow light was ten feet away from them, and had pulled off his Invisibility Cloak so that he could be seen, that he recognized, with a rush of pure loathing, the hooked nose and long, black, greasy hair of Severus Snape.

Sirius' mouth sagged open in shocked disgust, and they all sat like that for a few moments before Lily shook herself out of it, "seems we were wrong on all accounts," with a still snide mutter. She of course didn't hold the position the rest of the boys did, whom had all blamed Snape at least in some part for the events in last year. They'd all accused him of delaying passing along what Harry had told, not trusting Snape to be of any help. Lily vehemently disagreed he'd never shirk such a duty, but it didn't mean she was looking forward to another year of his mouth.

"What is he even doing there!" James demanded, looking physically ill as the news of this chapter never seemed to get better for a single moment! "Slughorn took that joke he referred to as a job! Unless he's actually replaced Filch, and honestly even that laugh isn't worth this!"

Their minds scattered, and then Remus went a pasty color in shock. He bit his lip hard to stop himself blurting out what had occurred to him, but a quick look around showed he didn't need to say it either. There was only one other vacant position in the castle that they knew of...

"No!" James snapped in outrage of his own question. "There's just no way he got the DADA job!"

"I mean, at some point, when there's literally only one person who will do it," Lily sighed, her hands twisting painfully in her lap. Snape had said he'd never had it before because Dumbledore thought it would bring back his darker side. It didn't feel like a good omen he'd finally been given that chance now of all times, when that was more in question than ever.

Sirius still made one last guttural noise of frustration, they really just couldn't have one nice thing! Their hope of the two most irritating people in this castle being gone this year had been ruined back to back, and his bad mood lingered more than ever for all this happening around Harry.

Snape sneered as usual upon arriving, taking out his wand and tapping the padlock once, so that the chains snaked backward and the gates creaked open. He greeted it was nice of Potter to turn up, though clearly had forgone the schools robes to enhance his own appearance.

"It somehow made you look worse," Remus snarked, "I don't blame Harry."

Harry began to explain, but Snape cut across him.

"Why did you even bother?" Sirius sighed.

"I was still surprised it was him, though Filch wouldn't have listened either, so I honestly don't know." Harry sighed.

He told Nymphadora she was free to leave, Potter was in his safe hands.

"If we wanted him back with a body bag!" James sneered.

Lily's hand twitched, looking very close to smacking him for that one, but restrained herself purely because her mind was hovering on something else, something she was not looking forward to the boys realizing but had her rather worried all the same.

Tonks didn't move, frowning at him and saying she'd meant to send that message to Hagrid.

Snape allowed Harry to enter as he explained Hagrid had been late to the feast, so he'd accepted it. Incidentally, he was interested to see her new Patronus form.

"You can have a new Patronus?" Harry interrupted in surprise.

Remus looked thoughtful for a moment before saying slowly, "it has been known to happen, when a great emotion comes along you've never experienced before. Something that would change your very soul," he finished with an uneasy frown, all of their worries greater than ever for what Tonks was going through.

He shut the gates in her face with a loud clang and tapped the chains with his wand again, so that they slithered, clinking, back into place. He finished she was better off with the old one, this new one looked weak.

They all tensed for that hateful comment, wishing to throw a curse at such a thing being said to a woman clearly going through something traumatic! Harry in particular as for some reason he felt that was a slight against more than Tonks, not that this made any sense.

As Snape swung the lantern about, Harry saw, fleetingly, a look of shock and anger on Tonks's face. Then she was covered in darkness once more. Harry called a good night over his shoulder, thanking her for...everything.

Lily gave one last uneasy sigh for her as well, very much hoping the next time she was seen things would somehow be going better for her, someone deserved it by now.

Snape did not speak for a minute or so. Harry felt as though his body was generating waves of hatred so powerful that it seemed incredible that Snape could not feel them burning him.

"I'm actually quite sure he can, he feeds off that after all," Sirius stated.

He had loathed Snape from their first encounter, but Snape had placed himself forever and irrevocably beyond the possibility of Harry's forgiveness by his attitude toward Sirius.

"Was there any chance of that before?" James asked, a bit dumbfounded Harry would think otherwise.

"After all Dumbledore said for the man, maybe, but not now." Yet even as Harry said the words the conviction just wouldn't hold, no matter how much force he put into them. He felt fuzzy, his tongue a bit swollen for saying that, and flattened his hair in agitation his own instincts could never make any sense.

Whatever Dumbledore said, Harry had had time to think over the summer, and had concluded that Snape's snide remarks to Sirius about remaining safely hidden while the rest of the Order of the Phoenix were off fighting Voldemort had probably been a powerful factor in Sirius rushing off to the Ministry the night that he had died.

Sirius sighed deeply for that, but looked up with the faint hope he wouldn't find the same thing still mirrored onto his pup now. To his relief, he was certainly holding himself together enough to prove otherwise. He met Sirius' eyes and tried for a smile, even put up a flippant tone, "I know, I know." It was slightly maddening Sirius honestly couldn't tell though if that was just residual grief holding him back, or he was trying to hide that his own guilt weighed on him as much as he blamed Snape.

Harry clung to this notion, because it enabled him to blame Snape, which felt satisfying,

Lily couldn't help but open her mouth reprovingly, she couldn't judge Harry for whatever he was feeling to cope but she certainly wished he'd find a healthier way of it-

and also because he knew that if anyone was not sorry that Sirius was dead, it was the man now striding next to him in the darkness.

but after hearing that, all that came out was a grumble of agreement. Of course Sirius wouldn't be any better if roles were reversed, but the difference was Sirius wouldn't hang around and taunt everyone around him, making their lives just as miserable for it as Snape so constantly did to Harry.

Snape started off taking fifty points from Gryffindor, then congratulated him for making a record, no one had put their house into negatives before pudding even started.

Harry mock raised his hands in triumph, though a genuine smile did appear when James looked just a bit proud, saying, "couldn't have done better myself! You find the best ways to tick off that tick."

"Remember when he was a first year fretting over five points?" Lily sighed in pity her boy turned into such a rebellious snot, though she was hardly any better. She knew she would have been egging a teacher to do more as well if they were going to be such an arse to her for circumstances like this. It's not as if Snape knew Harry had got himself into the trouble, he just assumed it.

Rightly so in this case, but entirely not the point.

The fury and hatred bubbling inside Harry seemed to blaze white-hot, but he would rather have been immobilized all the way back to London than tell Snape why he was late.

"More like send him back to London in that position," Remus huffed, why hadn't they ever thought of that?

Snape continued his thoughts aloud about Potter wanting to make an entrance, and with no flying cars available decided bursting into the Great Hall in Muggle garb would have to do for dramatic affect this year.

"Yes, because that's something we've seen him strive to do every other year!" James mocked.

Still Harry remained silent, though he thought his chest might explode. He knew that Snape had come to fetch him for this, for the few minutes when he could needle and torment Harry without anyone else listening.

"How he survived all summer without you is anyone's guess, though I still wish he hadn't," Sirius snarled.

They reached the castle steps at last and as the great oaken front doors swung open into the vast flagged entrance hall, a burst of talk and laughter and of tinkling plates and glasses greeted them through the doors standing open into the Great Hail. Harry wondered whether he could slip his Invisibility Cloak back on, thereby gaining his seat at the long Gryffindor table (which, inconveniently, was the farthest from the entrance hall) without being noticed. As though he had read Harry's mind, however, Snape said, no cloak, just as Potter had clearly wanted.

Lily's face was flushed red with hatred as much as the boys for Snape treating Harry like this, the man could clearly never learn his lesson that those hateful statements having consequences!

Harry turned on the spot and marched straight through the open doors: anything to get away from Snape. The Great Hall with its four long House tables and its staff table set at the top of the room, was decorated as usual with floating candles that made the plates below glitter and glow. It was all a shimmering blur to Harry, however, who walked so fast that he was passing the Hufflepuff table before people really started to stare, and by the time they were standing up to get a good look at him,

"No shame, honestly," Remus rolled his eyes heavily for kids doing that.

he had spotted Ron and Hermione, sped along the benches toward them, and forced his way in between them.

Ron was goggling him as much as everyone else in the vicinity as he asked what had happened to his face?

"Yes, but at least he has a right," Sirius sighed, knowing this wasn't going to be any more fun to hear about the second time.

Harry grabbed a spoon at once to see what was wrong with it.

"He's getting as vain as Fleur," Remus half heartedly poked fun.

Hermione worriedly pointed out it was covered in blood, while raising her wand and saying Tergeo. He felt the newly dried blood vanish and thanked her, but said he'd explain later, well aware of all the eager listening ears.

"I can't even blame you, I wouldn't even be wanting to tell Ron and Hermione," James agreed.

Hermione tried to protest, but Harry insisted.

"Trust that, please," Lily sighed, knowing Hermione was one to nag, but surely Harry had earned enough trust if it was vitally important he'd have shared. She could understand her worry of course, but hoped Hermione would trust his word more.

He hoped very much that they would all assume he had been involved in something heroic, preferably involving a couple of Death Eaters and a dementor.

"Right," Sirius drew the word out with a concerned look at Harry. He was very sure he was joking, but even still, the truth wasn't much better than that ghastly scenario that would only cause further questions. "Credit for trying to spin a tale though," he offered.

Of course, Malfoy would spread the story as wide as he could, but there was always a chance it wouldn't reach too many Gryffindor ears.

Lily clucked her tongue and rolled her eyes, her son often seemed to miss the fact those two houses could very well be friends thank you.

He reached across Ron for a couple of chicken legs and a handful chips, but before he could take them they vanished, to be replaced with puddings.

"Honestly, not even a bad reward for the day," Remus sighed, remembering trips where he'd wished he wouldn't be woken up until the pudding started.

Hermione uneasily changed topic to pointing out he'd missed the Sorting.

"How on Earth do you manage to miss that three separate times?" James muttered to himself, he'd enjoyed every one.

Harry asked if the Hat had said anything interesting, and Ron said the same old toff about uniting to face enemies or some such.

Harry asked if Dumbledore had mentioned Voldemort yet, and Hermione said no, and he likely wouldn't until the end of the feast.

Harry began Snape mentioning Hagrid being late, though was interrupted to ask how he'd seen Snape.

Harry evasively said he'd just bumped into him.

"Right, because that's always just a casual conversation," Sirius snarked, even knowing better made his mind want to blame Harry's late appearance and bloodied nose on that dingbat.

Hermione answered Harry about Hagrid only being late by a few minutes, and Harry looked around to indeed see him waving at them now. McGonagall was a few seats over and looking at him disapprovingly for this enthusiastic greeting.

"How dare he show favoritism! It's as if he let a first year onto the house team!" James smirked.

Harry was surprised to see the Divination teacher, Professor Trelawney, sitting on Hagrid's other side; she rarely left her tower room, and he had never seen her at the start-of-term feast before.

They all looked surprised at this, but then Sirius deduced, "I'll bet she's putting on a bit of a show after last year, prove she's still around while the toad isn't," he finished viciously.

"I'm sure only you would do something like that," Lily rolled her eyes at him without admitting she wouldn't be surprised if that were true.

She looked as odd as ever, glittering with beads and trailing shawls, her eyes magnified to enormous size by her spectacles. Having always considered her a bit of a fraud, Harry had been shocked to discover at the end of the previous term that it had been she who had made the prediction that caused Lord Voldemort to kill Harry's parents and attack Harry himself.

"Thank you for reminding me of that, I'm back to wondering whether I should outright kill her or just shove her in a closet for the immediate future," James sneered.

The knowledge made him even less eager to find himself in her company, thankfully, this year he would be dropping Divination.

"About bloody time," they all sighed in relief. While occasionally amusing, that had been far more grating that anything.

Her great beacon like eyes swiveled in his direction; he hastily looked away toward the Slytherin table. Draco Malfoy was miming the shattering of a nose to raucous laughter and applause. Harry dropped his gaze to his treacle tart, his insides burning again. What he would give to fight Malfoy one-on-one...

"You never did finish that midnight duel," Sirius sneered. "Challenge him again and see how it goes!"

"And let him pull another slip on me with Filch," Harry disagreed. "I'd have to do it somehow publicly, otherwise he'd always find a way to duck out."

"Cowardly little ferret," James seethed.

Hermione directed the conversation back to the train ride, asking what Slughorn had wanted.

Harry shrugged, saying same as everyone else, to find out what had happened at the Ministry.

Nearly Headless Nick interrupted to say this was even a topic among the ghosts.

Harry huffed and grumbled a bit about that somehow making it no more important to him, but held the worst of it back like he had at the time.

The other ghosts considered him something of a Potter authority when asked about it, but he'd made it widely known they would get nothing out of him if he even knew, he would die rather than betray Potter's trust.

Then his face smoothed and relaxed into a calm grin, happy to know that his conversation at the end of last year hadn't left them on uneasy terms.

Ron observed that wasn't saying much, he was already dead.

Nick's tone was affronted as he replied Ronald was once again showing all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.

"Well he's not wrong," Sirius laughed outright at this, though Harry was unsure if he meant Ron or Nick.

and he rose into the air glided back toward the far end of the Gryffindor table just as Dumbledore got to his feet at the staff table. The talk and laughter echoing around the Hall died away almost instantly.

Hermione gasped in surprise what had happened to his hand.

She was not the only one who had noticed.

"I'm sure it's hard not to," Lily murmured, even picturing it was rather difficult and would surely stand out.

Dumbledore's right hand was as blackened and dead-looking as it had been on the night he had come to fetch Harry from the Dursleys. Whispers in the room, Dumbledore interpreting them correctly, merely smiled and shook his purple-and-gold sleeve over his injury, promising it was nothing to worry about.

"Yes, because that's always instantly put people at ease," Remus rolled his eyes.

Hermione's expression continued to be nauseated even as he launched into his start of terms notices, she said it looked as if it had died.

Harry squirmed uncomfortably as well, not at all reassured no one in here could offer much comfort for this.

While Dumbledore began Mr. Filch had put a blanket ban on any Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes items.

All three Marauders gasped, looking personally affronted for this, while Lily burst out giggling not only at their faces, but the imagined pride the twins would surely carry their products were that infuriating to the old caretaker.

Then he continued to the staffing change, beginning with Professor Slughorn, who had kindly come out of retirement to take his old post as the Professor of Potions.

The last word echoed all over the Hall as people wondered whether they had heard right.

No one in here even had the good mood to rub in they'd known better. If they'd been able to think ahead far enough, they may have even desperately started hoping he'd come back to teach a new subject, better him for the DADA job than Snivellus! 

Ron and Hermione turned accusingly to Harry, but Dumbledore had already continued, having to raise his voice to continue that their teacher Professor Snape, would move to the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

Harry sighed and slumped back into his seat, the news being confirmed didn't make it any better to hear the second time.

Harry shouted no so loudly that many heads turned in his direction. He did not care; he was staring up at the staff table, incensed. How could Snape be given the Defense Against the Dark Arts job after all this time? Hadn't it been widely known for years that Dumbledore did not trust him to do it?

Hermione insisted Harry had told Slughorn would get that job.

Harry had thought so too, but he was now racking his mind to recall Dumbledore actually saying so.

"You hadn't a need to ask," Lily agreed with a sigh on that lapse. "Though now I am going back and wondering all over again why he wouldn't have mentioned this."

"Guess he figured Harry would find out soon enough, stopped him asking the question and getting an early answer he'd just bad mouth," James wisely thought through, knowing exactly that's how it would have gone.

Snape, who was sitting on Dumbledore's right, did not stand up his mention of his name; he merely raised a hand in lazy acknowledgment of the applause from the Slytherin table, yet Harry was sure he could detect a look of triumph on the features he loathed so much.

Sirius' disgusted sneer went suddenly blank at that, then a high pitched giggle escaped, which quickly turned into outright laughter.

The others waited impatiently for that to subside, but Sirius hardly did, still a little breathless as he exalted, "Snape got the Defense job!" Finally working past his frustration of that man still being around, he could look ahead once again, and all but dance in place, "which means that our celebrating his departure only came one year early!"

The news struck them fast after that, Harry and James high fiving with excitement and Remus bursting into snickers only just more restrained than Sirius had before. Lily rolled her eyes and pressed her lips together to stop herself snapping at the lot of them. She wasn't going to pretend to be happy for this, but she wouldn't deny either it would honestly be nice to go one year without hearing him gloat over her boy, she'd just have to wait a little longer for it.

"What'll you think it'll be!?" Remus demanded, his voice still a bit high from laughter. "Never had a repeat event, so we can sadly rule out being Obliviated, though that's still my favorite."

"Really? I quite liked the idea of locking him in a trunk and his voluntary retirement after that," James smirked.

"Dumbledore's never sacked anyone before. Maybe we'll finally get lucky and Dumbledore will do away with him himself," Sirius' hand twitched eagerly to flip to the back already and find that one out, though he restrained himself by the barest amount as he reminded himself that could potentially hurt Harry.

Harry gave an uneasy laugh of agreement to all of the above, but that squirming unease from before only intensified in him, and he had to quickly beat down the feeling lest they notice too much. It wasn't working, his mother certainly noticed and her worry increased just what would happen to Snape at the end of the year to cause that expression, but Sirius certainly hadn't noticed and kept going with the first hint of joy he'd ever had for one of Snape's classes. He'd be able to spend them all thinking up new ways to get that man out of the castle permanently.

Harry savagely pointed out at least Snape would be gone after this year then.

"I'm pleased how quickly you grasped on that," Sirius beamed with pride at him.

"Always has been able to pick up on the important things," James agreed proudly.

Ron at first didn't grasp what he meant, so Harry went through the list of their past teacher, personally crossing his fingers for another death like Quirrells.

Remus couldn't stop the involuntary snort, while James and Sirius outright laughed again and Lily huffed at all these idiots. He'd never gotten quite that bad, though at some of his lowest points she couldn't pretend she hadn't wanted to hex him herself. Just nothing irreversible.

Hermione was shocked and reproachful, while Ron pointed out he may just switch back to teaching Potions after this year.

"Argh! Ron, don't try to ruin this!" James demanded.

"Besides, no previous teacher has ever tried to stay at the school before either, surely Snape couldn't manage that," Sirius agreed with a slightly bitter tint in his words at the end while trying not to glance at Moony. He liked Hagrid, but surely he might have stepped down for a more qualified person, and it wouldn't have killed Remus to stick around for that one at least. He'd thought this and so many other options for him though since the revelation he forced himself to keep going past it rather than dwell on it again.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were not the only ones who had been talking; the whole Hall had erupted in a buzz of conversation at the news that Snape had finally achieved his heart's desire. Seemingly oblivious to the sensational nature of the news he had just imparted, Dumbledore said nothing more about staff appointments, but waited a few seconds to ensure that the silence was absolute before continuing, that as everyone knew, Lord Voldemort and his followers were at large and gaining strength.

"I'm truly shocked he didn't stop to say, told you so," James rolled his eyes.

The silence seemed to tauten and strain as Dumbledore spoke. Harry glanced at Malfoy. Malfoy was not looking at Dumbledore, but making his fork hover in midair with his wand, as though he found the headmaster's words unworthy of his attention.

"I'm quite sure that's exactly what he's thinking," James huffed, imagining taking his nose off again for the dozenth time already in retribution.

Dumbledore could not emphasize enough these dangerous times, and implored all students to be on their guard. To report anything even slightly out of the ordinary, and to conduct themselves in the safest manner it was possible.

The four from this time sighed, that was much more like how their start of terms had gone, all warnings and dire cautions. It really had been a pleasure skipping those in Harry's time.

Dumbledore's blue eyes swept over the students before he smiled once more. He knew they all wanted to get right off to bed, so they'd be nice and rested for their lessons tomorrow.

"I always loved how he actually managed to say that without sarcasm," Remus couldn't help a little smile as Sirius no where near managed the same.

Then he gave a casual goodnight.

With the usual deafening scraping noise, the benches moved back and the hundreds of students began to file out of the Great Hall toward their dormitories. Harry, who was in no hurry at all to leave with the gawping crowd, nor to get near enough to Malfoy to allow him to retell the story of the nose-stamping, lagged behind, pretending to retie the lace on his trainer, allowing most of Gryffindors to draw ahead of him. Hermione had darted ahead to fulfill her Prefect's duty of shepherding the first years,

"It's nice to know she ranks that higher than my nose," Harry gave a slight smile at the remembered look she'd flashed him before doing this, he was not out yet from explaining himself with her.

but Ron remained with Harry, asking what had happened to his nose. Harry waited until everyone else was out of earshot.

It was a mark of the strength of their friendship that Ron did not laugh.

"Or he was just infuriated like the rest of us at that blighters existence," James seethed, the anger from that not yet dissipated enough to be surprised Harry would think otherwise.

Ron darkly said he'd seen Malfoy joking about a broken nose, now that made sense.

Harry shrugged it off, mostly, and instead filled Ron in on the rest of what he'd heard. He'd expected Ron to be stunned by Malfoys boasts, but with what Harry considered pure pigheadedness however, Ron was unimpressed.

"Well, Ron is that too," Sirius chuckled while Harry's agitation at his friends denial of this only grew.

He pointed out Malfoy was just showing off for Parkinson, what would You-Know-Who have him doing?

Harry insisted Voldemort could need someone inside Hogwarts-

but Hagrid interrupted from behind them, reproachfully telling Harry he should stop using that name.

"I've been doing it for years now, even Ron stopped flinching every single time," Harry said in exasperation.

"I can imagine some will never get used to it though," Lily shrugged with some defense, though it was an oddity in itself to picture someone like Hagrid afraid of anything, let alone a name.

Harry stubbornly insisted Dumbledore did.

Hagrid waved off that was Dumbledore. Then he asked where Harry was, he'd been worried.

Harry stepped around by just saying he'd been held up on the train. Then asked about him.

Hagrid enthusiastically said he'd been with Grawp,

Harry frowned at first in concern. Even knowing Hagrid could take care of himself just fine didn't make the idea of his friend in the Forest with those Centaurs a happy thought.

had a nice cave now up in the mountains.

"I, can imagine," Lily said slowly, clearly trying to build up a warm, happy voice for this, but the idea a giant was so close to the school still gave her head a bit of a spin.

James and Sirius were just happy it was out of their Forest.

They'd been having a good chat, he was much happier out of the forest.

"Sounds like his English has improved," Remus said in an honestly congratulatory voice, unlike the others who were still just trying to picture such a thing.

Harry was careful to keep his voice neutral and not glance at Ron; the last time he had met Hagrid's half-brother, a vicious giant with a talent for ripping up trees by the roots, his vocabulary had comprised five words, two of which he was unable to pronounce properly.

"I'm sure Hermione will be so disappointed to learn her nickname hadn't stuck," Sirius snickered.

Hagrid hardly noticed their hesitancy, boasting Grawp was doing so well he was thinking of training him as his assistant.

"That would be a sight," James got a laugh out of that.

Ron snorted loudly, but managed to pass it off as a violent sneeze.

"Far more than I could have managed," Sirius shook his head.

They were now standing beside the oak front doors.

Hagrid departed he'd see them tomorrow in his first lesson, he couldn't wait for them all to see Buck- err, Witherwings again!

Raising an arm in cheery farewell, he headed out of the doors into the darkness.

Harry and Ron looked at each other. Harry could tell that he was experiencing the same sinking feeling as himself.

"Why?" Lily asked in surprise.

Harry confirmed Ron wasn't taking Care of Magical Creatures this year, anymore than he was.

"Oh," they all muttered in surprise, that hadn't crossed their minds.

"Well I'm sure Hagrid will understand," Lily said at once. "You just don't have any drive to further advance yourself in that class, you hardly a need for the extra work."

"Right," Harry muttered, still a bit red faced with shame, it felt like a betrayal to his friend no matter his intentions.

Ron half-heartedly asked if Hermione was, and Harry shook his head.

James sighed. The one time he wouldn't have laughed at the girl taking an unneeded class, if anyone could have handled that it would have been her, and he could see how it would offend Hagrid just slightly less if all three of them hadn't dropped it.

Exactly what Hagrid would say when he realized his three favorite students had given up his subject, he did not like to think.

"I finished," Sirius said, shoving the book to Harry with honest relief. That chapter had been nothing but rotten from start to finish, hopefully his pup would get something a little better.

HPHPHPHP

*Is James right about his thought? Let's find out;

Instances of Harry using the Cloak:

The Bad- Getting caught on the Astronomy tower and the subsequent detention, going to save the Stone, going to see Aragog, Snape took it in front of the Whomping Willow, nearly getting caught with his egg, and sneaking into Umbridge's office only to get caught by Umbridge, also this instance of getting caught by Malfoy.

The Good- Using it to go see Hagrid in CoS, but he got arrested that night, but they didn't get caught, so I'll count that as good, getting in and out of Hogsmeade in PoA, sneaking out again to go see Hagrid in GoF, plus using it to leave the Dursleys as extra precaution in five is technically a useful/ good thing. Oh, he technically sneaks into Umbridge's office twice, but got away with it the first time talking to Sirius and Remus, so that's a good.

Technically seven bad to five good, depending on how you would personally count the Stone and Aragog, James may or may not be correct.

Harry using it in GoF just to avoid the school before his dragon task is kind of a good thing but not outright helpful, same as all the other times he randomly uses it through four. I'm honestly at a toss for the mirror, that's a bit of both bad and good. Counting the others total, Harry using it to spy on Snape and Malfoy later is mutual not good or bad as it doesn't amount to much in the end, I don't count him using it to get to the Inferi lake since that would have happened with or without the cloak since he was with Dumbledore, same as all the uses in DH. Only one of those comes to saving him while he's under it with both of his friends, so that's seven for six, though he did use it in the end to literally go die, so the final tally would be eight to six for me.

Let me know if you think that should be swayed in either direction.

Ron or Hermione using it by themselves doesn't count for this, but they did both get away with it their solo times, seems it's just Harry who has bad luck with it like everything else. This is the longest * I've ever had, but the most fun to, counting all that up.

** Actually it was a Jack Rabbit, funnily enough, before it changed. Luna's is a Hare, which deeply amuses me, since I wish we'd gotten a scene of them together. Their personalities would have been great to play off of each other.