#the three musketeers actually has four

[hollowwhisperings]

'Axel, part of 2 trios' wait whats the other trio axels a part of. him namine and riku? or him isa and subject x?

Axel's arguably in THREE trios, if we forget that Ventus only knew Lea & Isa for one(1) day.

when it comes to Trad KH Trios, Axel has the Seasalt Trio (Axel, Xion & Roxas) and another with Isa & a mysterious 'Subject X'.

while we don't know much of anything about 'Subject X' she's very helpful to the overall themes of KH: her inclusion with Isa & Lea allows them to become a more Blatant Parallel of Riku & Sora (something that DOES require more handholding to lead audiences to, sadly)...

...and how clinging to the same friendship dynamics of childhood can do more harm than good as you grow up.

where Xehanort & Eraqus showed us "what if Riku & Sora actually bought into some of the false dichotomies they've been presented with, what if they hadn't had the support of their friends & were entirely alone", Saïx & Axel served as a "okay, even IF Sora &/or Riku isolated themselves from outside support & shut down communication... you can still fix misunderstandings, mend rifts, reconnect again as tje different people you have now become".

i was kind of Relieved to see that KH3's ending montage showed all the different "trios" intermingling, forging new connections independently of each other. it's a sign of growth & trust, expanding your social circle & learning that having more friends doesn't lessen the friendships you already have. the KH fandom and, in a way, the Seasalt Trio & Kairi (in regard to the Destiny Trio) are/were VERY fixated on having these Friendship Trios, often making the natural jump of making them Romantic OT3s (before the whole "Axel, Terra & Aqua are canonically considered to be young Adults: Ventus, Roxas & Xion are considered children/tweens" revelation).

That the "Seasalt Trio" is now sometimes called the "Seasalt Seven" (Hayner, Olette, Pence, Roxas, Xion, Axel & Isa) is something I find quite heartwarming.

(and, never forget that Jiminy has Been The 4th member of Sora's adventure party The Whole Time! the sets of 3 are just a jumping point, not some strict ultimatum!)

[2handsslan]

max verstappen // mv1 fic recs

———————————— 🏎️🏎️ ————————————

one shots

misunderstood hero with a heart of gold - @harrysfolklore

“max verstappen has never been one to read books, but everything changes when he comes across a pretty booktuber who describes him better than anyone else did before”

two sides of the same coin - @monzabee

“the one where you try to convince yourself that you’re not falling for your teammate, but can’t help it when you realise that he is not that different from you after all”

a small request - @postracehair

“even world champions deserve love letters. after missing the mexico gp, you're determined to see max have a good weekend in brazil. maybe all it takes is a handwritten note”

my world (champion) - @italiangirlcoresblog

“the aftermath of the las vegas grand prix with max”

vegas baby - @neferaskingdom

“after winning his fourth world championship, max verstappen stuns the world with a live radio proposal”

work it out - @maxverstappendefender

“mclaren!rival x mv1 (max and reader had a little friends to enemies action, but they are stuck together now. maybe they will work out their issues...)”

the interview - @pucksandpower

“when you are given an assignment to interview someone, you can’t resist asking your boyfriend to be the subject … it’s just a shame that your professor doesn’t believe the interview actually happened”

christ-max - @harrysfolklore

“you invite your boyfriend max to spend christmas with you for the first time, however, your family doesn't quite believe you're dating a formula 1 world champion”

connection - @katsu28

“when a holiday gala that neither you nor max want to be at brings two people from vastly different worlds together, you find out that you might have more in common with the four time world champion than you think you do”

disturbing the peace - @pucksandpower

“an environmental activist disturbs the carefully constructed peace of max’s life and turns his whole world on its head (or in which environmentalism and being a menace both run in the vettel family)”

series

the yapping hour is upon us - @motorsportbarbie13

“in which max decides that maybe doing interviews isn't such a bad thing”

keep on rolling - @vivwritesfics

“lando's best friend having feelings for anyone on the grid? impossible, right? she worked with them, sharing her friendship with the grid with the world via the formulay/n youtube channel”

forbidden - @motorsportbarbie13

“in which you reconnect with an old friend, much to the dismay of your brother”

tamed - @jungwnies

“you're a top pr manager tasked with handling the infamous max verstappen, known for his fiery temper and controversial outbursts”

smau

she’s everything, he’s max - @menagerofmischief

“y/n leclerc starts soft launching a man and soon enough there are paparazzi pictures of the two of them except no one quiet believes that the princess of monaco would settle down with ... max”

we can’t be friends (wait for your love) - @fqlling4it

pt 2

friend of a friend - @norrisainz33

“max meets his dream girl through his friends good friend, pato o’ward”

put it all on red (bull) - @astonmartinii

“her brother won the race? does she know? does she care?”

crying in the club - @pomegranatesarchive

“how should one react when their boyfriend wins the world championship at the same time their brother loses it?”

max & the three musketeers series - @verstarppen

“mercedes’ is just a tiny bit worried about your dates with their archnemesis; once mick, lewis and george caught a whiff of your treason, they had to intervene and stop the villain from stealing their princess”

*these are part of my fic rec masterlist, please note none of these are written by me and the author of each story had been tagged! check out my f1 fic rec masterlist for other drivers!*

[napoleonic-sexyman-tournament]

Propaganda under the Read More:

Alexander von Humboldt:

a. Influential explorer, researcher and polymath with many discoveries in the fields of geography, biology, zoology, astronomy and more. Also has experience with sticking things up his butt. For scientific reasons of course.

Thomas-Alexandre Dumas:

a. “mustache” b. “Tall! Daring! Swashbuckling! A devoted husband and father! Had a personal conflict with Napoleon! Also it was said he could, while holding onto a bar above his head, LIFT A HORSE WITH HIS THIGHS. How is he not on this list ten times already! Vote for General Dumas!” c. “He was so hot that he inspired The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo, and many more books that his son, Alexandre Dumas, wrote. He definitely looked the part of a sexyman, as he son recounts in his memoirs: "My father, as already stated, was twenty-four, and as handsome a young fellow as could be found anywhere. His complexion was dark, his eyes of a rich chestnut colour […]. His teeth were white, his lips mobile, his neck well set on his powerful shoulders, and, in spite of his height of five feet nine inches, he had the hands and feet of a woman. These feet were the envy of his mistresses, whose shoes he was very rarely able to put on." He could crush you between his thighs: "His free colonial life had developed his strength and prowess to an extraordinary degree; he was a veritable American horse-lad, a cowboy. His skill with gun or pistol was the envy of St. Georges and Junot. And his muscular strength became a proverb in the army. More than once he amused himself in the riding-school by passing under a beam, and lifting his horse between his legs." He was so badass he could beat 13 men with 4 and take all the enemy prisoner, and defend against hundreds of men on a bridge by himself. He performed these acts of valour numerous times in Italy. He was so formidable that the Austrians named him the "Schwartz Teufel", or the Black Devil, and his feat at the bridge earned him the moniker of "Horatius Cocles of Tyrol". He wasn't afraid to stand up to his morals and protest against unfair treatment. When unjust executions by the guillotine were happening outside his quarters, he closed the blinds of his curtains, earning him the nickname "Mr. Humanity". When in the Vendée, he complained about the wanton indiscipline in his troops. When in Italy, Berthier wrongly reported his actions as one of "observation" in St. Antonio. Dumas wrote to General Bonaparte that if Berthier was in the same position, he would have shit his pants. Dumas abhorred plunder, never exhorted the locals, and ordered the Directory agent who had come to persuade him otherwise be shot if he dared present himself to Dumas again. Integrity and a sense of moral justice is sexy, mark my words. For Dumas' final qualifier as a sexyman, look no further than this Tumblr heritage post (https://www.tumblr.com/petermorwood/133803437020/hortensevanuppity-elodieunderglass), with 300,000 notes and counting. And I quote: "- daddy general dumas was an immense fierce french warrior who was a 6 foot plus, stunningly gorgeous and charismatic Black gentleman - he invaded egypt - the native egyptians said “is this napoleon? this must be napoleon. we for one welcome our majestic new overlord” - then napoleon showed up - napoleon has all the presence of yesterday’s plain Tesco hummus - the native egyptians were like “… no… no, we’ve thought very hard and we’ll have General Dumas actually” - this did not make napoleon happy - in fact it made him jealous - napoleon felt so emasculated that he launched a campaign of revenge against General Dumas, including taking away his pension, that probably inspired a lot of Alexandre’s rather satisfying scenes in which fathers are nobly avenged and the money-grubbing villains are rubbed in the mud" I rest my case. Tl;dr: He was so hot he inspired multiple books, he was a stronk man who could crush you between his thighs or carry you like a sack of potatoes, and he was so badass that he could take on odds of 1 to 3. He had a foul mouth but a heart of gold and his actions were never self-serving. Posts relating to him on Tumblr have had 300,000 notes and counting. He is qualitatively and quantitatively qualified to be a sexyman.”

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

ooooh, a Luigi-centric episode? This will be interesting :)

(the following is my live reaction:)

we gotta have the sponsor, also hi Mario :D

Happy Memes Giving, guys!

Oh god, the Team's already killing me with the found family stuff, STOP IT /j So much going on, I need to go frame by fram:

I love that SMG3's talking to SMG1 and 2 here

Return of the Side Characters (TM)

SMG4, Mario, and Meggy are such a trio, that we need to come up with a name. Well, we already have the Star Trio (Four, Three, and Mario) so hmmmmm,

The Primaries (as in the primary colors and also being main characters) "But Meggy's orange-" Shhhhh, don't look too much into it, also a version of Meggy wore yellow in the Inside Out episode

I saw InkCap going around which is honestly a good one too

The Sillies (??? /hj)

The 3 Musketeers

I got nothing lol ANYWAY, Tari and Saiko are adorable honestly

Listen, I am a Megari shipper but also a multishipper soooo "wow, two cakes :) "

Kaizo's here too, hell yeah

Melony, Bob, Boopkins, and JubJub.... found family, please? 👀

sorry I just love this so much. If the Team's gonna do a Christmas episode, can we have a scene like this? I already wanted to be 3 and 4 just going shopping together to buy the gifts but it would be sweet to see everyone at the Castle opening their presents. We gotta keep going

Turning Red reference! That somehow fits Luigi perfectly

That's actually very sweet of you, Mario

OH that's right, Mario tried to do a Thanksgiving feast last time and that didn't go so well

It turns out that anyone can cook, and Mario has improved his skills. Anything is possible, very inspiring. Be like Mario :)

"Maybe I really am adopted." PFFT sorry that somehow got me

Aww, Luigi, it's okay. Anyone can have bad days, but you always have your bro to lean on.

....oh shit, what a jumpcut.

oh nooooo, I feel so bad for Meggy CAN I GIVE HER A HUG PLEASE?!

also Three, really? Or are you just putting up a front and do actually care? Because you didn't need to come, but you did anyway. (Unless you were, like, forced to.) We all saw what you did in the "Welcome to Puzzle Park" episode, you tried to save Four & Mario. I suspect that Three's like "Mario went along and did something stupid...again." Well, Three, what else did you expect? Besides, Mario did it for his bro

Mario could handle eating poison sooo it's must've been that bad of a food poisoning. at least he's alive

also TARI NEEDS A HUG TOO, THANK YOU SAIKO FOR COMFORTING HER

and ooohh, Karen feels upset about it too. After all, it was thanks to Mario, Karen was able to bond with her kids.

NOOO LUIGI DON'T FEEL BAD, YOU DIDN'T MEAN FOR THAT TO HAPPEN

holy shit, that car was just speeding (very realistic tbh)

oh hey Old Man, you're free!

[*looks at watch*] Eh, screw finals. It's time for my daily heartattack

OH the voiceacting! Hell yeah!!!

woah Luigi, you were so lucky... OMG PFFT I did not expect the truck to just crash into an orphanage

He did it!

oh Mario got out of the coma, hooray!

also very accurate pfp

"HI GUYS!" "Hi Steve!"

...wot?

they really are brothers :)

(mario without his mustache is still cursed)

ay the alarmo reference is back!

HEY don't you start comparing them! he's doing a fantastic job >:(

HOLD UP LUIGI GOT SOME MOVES, GO LUIGI GO

[*sigh*] how did we get here for this direct to be accurate?

Four still having a grudge against nintendo is so funny to me for some reason

BREAKING NEWS?!

can we have powerpoint presentations on the Wii from now on?

"Year of Luigi 2" I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they did that in real life bc Year of Shadow is doing so good right now

wait... don't tell me... WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GONNA KILL HIM OFF

AAAWWWWWW DUDE STOPPPPPP

TRUE SIBLING MOMENT

HOLY SHIT THIS ANIMATION HOLD UP

wait a second... OMG, IS THAT A REMIX OF PHOENIX WRIGHT CORNERED THEME IN THE BACKGROUND??!??!?!?!?! WHOEVER PUT THAT IN THERE, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

THE BROTHERSHIP MEME, love that

HOW DARE THEY USE MY OWN WEAKNESS AGAINST ME? THAT'S NOT FAIR WTF

LOOK AT ME, NO DON'T LOOK AT ME /ref

can we give a round of applause for this one bc wow this was incredible

anyway, congrats to _SunFlower_sl for your art being featured in the credits 🎉 as it turns out, it's 3&4 as Sonic & Shadow which is honestly perfect (manifesting 3&4 to join Mario in a future Sonic Movie 3 episode, fuck it I'm gonna write it)

actually, this might be a sign hmmmmm

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

BRAVO! BRAVO! This was an amazing episode! I was already in a great mood seeing that we were getting a Luigi episode but the Team really went above and beyond on this one, especially the writing. We got to see some development for Luigi too. I really did love Mario being a supportive and loving brother. As the oldest sibling, this has my stamp of approval! (No, I'm not crying, what are you talking about?) Then, just the little nods here and there with callbacks and references, I really appreciate that.

Now, let's not forget the animation, voice acting, and editing! Great job, Team, as always. You guys manage to surprise me every time. And whoever put the cornered theme, I owe you everything 💙

Overall, 1000/10, highly recommended! I do hope they continue on this streak of well-written episodes. (I wouldn't mind another funny/wholesome episode.) Give yourself a pat on the back, Team, every one of you did amazing!

That's all from me! Now, I have to go and study for uni finals, wish me luck!

[toasttt11]

the four musketeers

Kensington Hughes, Will Smith, Ryan Leonard, and Gabe Perreault

At least once a night at week, The four always have a movie night together even though they usually end up just watching sports, when they all get to Boston they always go to Kensington apartment for their movie nights and the boys usually end up sleeping on the couch or the guest room.

Whenever they are on the bus or plane together Kensington, Will, Gabe and Ryan always sit in one row, two on one side and two on the other side.

They always try to go spend some time at the rink outside of practice or games just the four of them. A lot of the times they will bring a football or soccer ball and just mess around and have fun on the ice to just forgot about everything and make sure to always remember the love and fun they have for the sport.

They are all very competitive and everything is always something that enjoy turing into a competition from board games to hundred of ping pong games.

Ryan and Will have every class together and Kensington and Gabe have four of the five classes with them too, and then Gabe is taking a french class and Kensington has her musical arts class. The four all share theater class and Kensington finds it hilarious sharing the class with the three.

The four end up finding they love chilling in the student hockey lounge after class and before practice, and most of the time Kensington always sit on the couch and Will next to her and she will end up taking like an hour nap, and Will will let her use him as a pillow as Gabe and Ryan goof around with someone on the team.

Ryan and Gabe are waiting for the day that Kensington and Will stop being obviously and noticed their feelings for each other and finally get together.

Will is definitely the best cook out of all four of them, Ryan is alright but it is not always edible, Gabe is a disaster in the kitchen and something is always burnt, Kensington is a good cook but hates cooking so she would rather be Will’s taste tester.

Ryan and Gabe always have to end up dragging Kensington and Will away from animals that catch their attentions because the two could sit for hours petting animals.

Kensington is a very big Taylor swift fan and has gotten all of the boys addicted to her as well, she did drag all three of them to the concert with her. The four did scream all night long to her songs.

Will committed to Boston Collage first and quickly after Ryan announced his commitment to Boston Collage as well. Kensington and Gabe had still haven’t made a decision with all the schools they were accepted too, they decided to go take a tour of a few different schools and they immediately both knew when they toured Boston College that they would be choosing that one.

Ryan had found a small part of the library that no one is ever in and it’s almost likes its own little room with the way the bookshelves are around the couches so if they aren’t studying in Kensington’s apartment the four are all sat around the two couches and the one table.

Kensington has taught all the boys how to play at least one instrument and Ryan is always saying if they fail at hockey they can just become a band.

Ryan, Gabe and Will have all gotten in fights to defend Kensington, Ryan usally is more so the one that fights for her but Gabe and Will have many times. Kensington is pretty difficult to get her to snap and actually fight but the very very few times she had it was defending one of her boys.

Kensington, Gabe and Will all love Ryan’s girlfriend and quickly approved of her when they saw how in love Ryan and Julianna are. Kensington loves having another girl around and Julianna really enjoys seeing a different side of her boyfriend around his best friends.

They have done group costumes for halloween for a few years now, the most recent one was Kensington as Rapunzel, Will as Flynn, Gabe as Pascal and Ryan as Maximus.

When they played in the program for two years, Gabe lived at Kensington’s house for two years and Will and Ryan stayed together for two years.

Will plays with the number 2, Gabe plays with the number 4, Kensington plays with the number 3 and Ryan plays with the number 9.

[philtstone]

psych crew of your choice, "putting a hand over the other's mouth to shut them up"

shoutout to zainab and bbc's the musketeers for inspiring the chaos that is fic

The number of times Gus has had to smack a hand over his best friend's mouth in the last twenty four hours is really starting to get unhygienic. 

It doesn’t help that even while in the throes of crisis, Shawn’s first instinct is always, without fail, to stick his tongue out and lick Gus’s palm. This was true when they were six and is still somehow true now at age thirty. While Shawn’s phone rings – immediately proceeding the third time they’ve successfully panic-crashed back into the Psych office before Shawn can blurt out something that gets them both jailed – Gus tells him off. It doesn’t matter that Shawn could be finally losing his last marble due to the machinations of cosmic irony; Gus refuses to be licked another time. 

“You know how disgusting it is to have your spit on my hand when you literally just threw up two hours ago?” Gus asks, over the irritating jingle of Shawn’s ringtone going wild on the table. Shawn himself has already collapsed backwards onto the couch. Well, really, he kind of tripped. There’s an old pillow pet on the floor that both of them have forgotten to pick up for like, two months, and Shawn’s ability to keep his balance vacated the premises about six hours ago when, mere moments after Gus entered the office, thinking it was going to be a totally normal day for them, his best friend grabbed him by the shoulders – looking vaguely ill, definitely sweaty, and concerningly flushed – and declared, with no little amount of panic in his voice, that he might have actually turned into a real psychic.

A recent phenomenon, of course. Like, just within the last twelve hours. They don’t have any concrete proof, other than the fact that Shawn is convinced he saw, in technicolor, the exact details of a murder that he has encountered absolutely zero evidence for while he was trapped in a supply closet (Gus has no idea how he got there), and, also, had an extremely vivid and detailed vision of himself and Juliet, married.

This last thing happened about twenty minutes ago. 

Shawn’s spiraling. 

“Okay,” Gus had said, an eventful nine hours earlier. “Explain to me exactly what it is you’ve been seeing.”

“When?” Shawn wailed in a high-pitched approximation of Robin Williams’s Mrs. Doubtfire voice. Gus, perhaps unwisely, brushed this off as only slightly less normal than standard Shawn behavior. 

“Yesterday!” Gus said. Shawn had explained – in between three bouts of nausea and one ten minute stint in which he recited all of Ally Sheedy’s lines in St. Elmo’s Fire from memory – that the weirdness started in the middle of the previous night. “What makes you think you’re – seeing things?”

“Because,” Shawn moaned, “I can’t remember why they’re in my head! Or when they’re from. Gus, I woke up at two a.m. and my head was so fuzzy and dizzy that I threw up! And then after I threw up I saw a man, standing in broad daylight, eating two cherry-filled cruller donuts and sporting the world’s ugliest toupe, and then another man falling off the edge of a pier, the pier, it was that pier right outside, but I can’t remember actually seeing either of those two things! Except they’re in my head, Gus! I swear to God they happened! But when?” Shawn, at this point, took a deep long breath, swayed a bit on the spot, and added, “and then I thought maybe to clear my head I should microwave and eat a frozen burrito.”

“Let me guess,” Gus said, in only mild distress, “then you threw up again?”

“Oh my God, how did you know? Gus. Gus. Are you turning into a real psychic too?”

“Man, I don’t know! And, wait a minute, at what point did you end up in the supply closet?”

At this, Shawn put both hands up to his head and looked vaguely deranged. “Gus … there’s no supply closet in the Psych office.”

Oh, boy, Gus had thought.

READ MORE ON AO3

[comtedelafere]

So I just read this afternoon that Ray Stevenson has died at the age of 58 (which is absolutely no age, the poor fella, what a shock).

I'm not gonna pretend to know much about his back catalogue of work or say I was an especial fan or anything disingenuous like that, but I do really want to talk for a quick moment about the one role I really know and love him for - Porthos in the 2011 adaptation of The Three Musketeers.

Now, I know and you know that this version of The Musketeers is massively unpopular for a whole host of reasons - most notably the silly airship storyline (personally, I have such a well-trained suspension of disbelief that I can 100% deal with the airship aspect of it, but I totally get why it's an unpopular addition to the story) - but I will happily die on the hill that it is the closest combination of writing and portrayal of the Core Four yet (sorry, BBC version). Logan Lerman's d'Artagnan was a cheeky 19-year-old rascal who thought he was all that and a bag of chips and didn't care who knew it. Matthew Macfadyen's Athos was sullen and morose (but in a really hot way obvs, cos yknow - Athos) and didn't waste a word of dialogue. Luke Evans' Aramis was quiet, sober, extremely spiritual and didn't go around trying to seduce everything that moved the whole time.

But Ray Stevenson's Porthos? Oh. Oh this was sublime. Up until this adaptation, Porthos had more often than not been played as the comic relief: the large, overweight, affable drunk of no fixed IQ whose prowess at fighting was more down to luck and subtle slapstick than his good judgement. This version of Porthos couldn't have been further away from those portrayals.

He was a quick-witted, smart, physically powerful and agile fighter, whose hand-to-hand combat skills were so notorious that he never needed to use his sword. My absolute favourite moment that showed this fact so beautifully was at the end of the big fight scene with the Red Guards ("Four against FORTY? And you beat them like a drum?! *snort*!" oh, Louis!) when the Guards were reeling a bit, and trying to decide whether to go another round. At that point, Porthos casually pushed his sword from the scabbard with his thumb by about 2 inches - and that was enough to send the Red Guards running for the hills!! I screamed!! Perfect characterisation!! Porthos to an absolute T!!!!!

Not only that, but his version of Porthos was an unashamed yet impoverished dandy, a dedicated follower of fashion who took his time to choose exactly the right cut of new clothes in exactly the right colours - while his rich, married lover happily picked up the tab for him. He understood the way the right clothes and the right combination of appearance and demeanour in any given scenario could give him the upper hand, not only in fighting but also in all of his interpersonal relationships and encounters.

This is the Porthos I had wanted for years. This is the Porthos I cheered and applauded for when I finally saw the version that had lived in my head all those years had finally made it to the screen.

Don't get me wrong, of course the BBC Musketeers owns a huge part of my heart and soul and I love so much about them - but the 2011 Musketeers was so special because for me it was probably the very first time I finally got to see the Musketeers as the book described them, rather than just as the standard accepted carbon copies that had been passed down by Hollywood over the decades, and which bear little to no resemblance to the actual characters in the book. I have no idea if I've actually seen any of Ray's other performances or not, to be honest. Porthos may not be his finest hour onscreen, I really don't know. It may not be the part he's best known for. But if nothing else, Ray finally gave the world a Porthos that Dumas would have recognised.

Despite the fact the film as a whole was received poorly, his portrayal was a genuine gift, and I am privileged to be able to remember him as having given this Musketeer fangirl the abject joy of finally seeing Porthos played as he should have been all along. Not as a large, loud drunk who was just there to be big, strong and funny - but as a highly skilled, intelligent, audacious soldier with a sharp sense of humour and an even sharper dress sense; and who, rather than simply bringing up the rear as The Other Guy or the Big Fella, showed that he was quite possibly the Musketeers' MVP.

Thank you, Ray. Goodnight, and rest well.

[tc-doherty]

First (non-manga) book of the year!

Yes, yes, technically I started this last year but I finished it last night so.

Getting the obvious out of the way: this dude literally just wrote the story of The Three Musketeers into his already existing world and that's fine. Good for him.

It alternated between being pretty funny (in a dry sort of way) to being just dry. It's actually the first of two books and about 100 pages to the end I was thinking I wouldn't read the second one...and then I was starting to come back around…and then everything wrapped up really quickly and it turns out the second book is a separate story with the same characters and I won't be reading it after all.

The dialogue was absolutely bizarre and definitely my favorite part. It has such an interesting scan to it, I don't really know what to make of it, but it was certainly unique. I imagine it's also fairly similar to The Three Musketeers, but it's been quite a while since I read that so I can't say for sure. It's not like anything else I've read recently, at any rate.

Overall it was an interesting, mildly entertaining, and probably instructional reading experience… But I don't think I'll go out of my way to read anything else by him even though I didn't really have any issues with it, necessarily.

On the plus side, he can actually write women decently, there were four female characters of importance, which is sometimes saying something in a fantasy novel with a male author. Tazendra is hilarious.

[cantsayidont]

Hateration holleration:

PRISCILLA: Sofia Coppola feature adaptation of Priscilla Presley's memoir is what a British magazine I used to read would have called "a real spot-the-point exercise." It's attractively composed, but totally lacking in story, characterization, themes, or thesis. The real Priscilla executive-produced, which may be why the film has so little to say about her marrying Elvis at 17 (other than to politely observe her parents' seemingly impotent disapproval), their drug use, or either of them as people. However, that doesn't explain the blank-faced performances of Cailee Spaeny and Jacob Elordi, who seem to be in the film solely to have something on which to hang the various vintage outfits. I have no strong feelings about Elvis Presley one way or the other, but Elordi's sleepy caricature has precisely none of the sexual charisma that made the real Elvis a star. Just read a book — even the most fawning Elvis bio will have more substance than this empty film.

THE THREE MUSKETEERS PART I: D'ARTAGNAN: Given how many times the venerable Dumas classic has been filmed over the years, you'd think someone would at least occasionally do a proper job of it, but this grimy and disagreeable new French version certainly isn't it. The rolled-in-mud mise-en-scène should come with a complimentary package of Wet-Naps; the casting is lifeless and frequently inappropriate (Vincent Cassel is a somnambulistic and elderly Athos, while Éric Ruf is the dullest screen Richelieu in conscious memory); and there's a grievous lack of humor, charm, or sophistication. Worse, screenwriters Matthieu Delaporte and Alexandre de La Patellière thought they could improve on the original Dumas plot and were sorely, sorely mistaken. The biggest problem with the book, as regards film and TV adaptations, is that there's simply too much going on even for four hours of screen time; while omitting sections of the original plot is perhaps inevitable, trying to pad it out with non-Dumas nonsense does no one any favors. This dreary and tiresome film is nearly as wrongheaded as the stupid 2011 Paul W.S. Anderson version and is no fun at all — a deadly sin when it comes to THE THREE MUSKETEERS — with few virtues beyond the frustratingly brief glimpses of Eva Green, suitably fetching as Milady de Winter (who presumably will be more prominently featured in Part II). Stick with the 1973–1974 Richard Lester movies, which also take liberties with the plot, but are actually fun, and exceptionally well-cast if inevitably very English. Even the decaffeinated 1948 American version (with Gene Kelly as D'Artagnan) is better than the new one.

[wuxiaphoenix]

Stray Thoughts: Buck Rogers and K-Drama

I’ve seen k-drama versions of CSI, Criminal Minds, and the Three Musketeers out there. So... what would happen if someone redid Buck Rogers (1939) in a more k-drama fashion?

First and foremost? There would be more women characters. Seriously, Lt. Wilma Deering is the only woman in the 1939 version. And we see three cities on two planets!

Second... more plotting. Oh so much more plotting. Killer Kane’s men, for example, would have more options than just Loyal and Incompetent. There’d be at least one, probably two lieutenant types either playing both sides (the Hidden City and Kane) against each other or scheming to take over. Or both. The councilors would not be mere window dressing to show Kane can order people around. They’d have some kind of visible duties, their own subordinates to fetch and carry, and a couple of Schemes running on the side. Oh, and hereditary grudges against each other that Kane’s manipulating to keep them in line. Sometimes with more success than others.

Third, better design. The costumes would be tailored. The sets would be more realistic. The fight scenes would be much better, not two people high-school wrestling and trying to look like that’s serious fighting. (Granted, modern fight choreography in general applies here.) Hostages would not walk into the line of fire when your hero tells them “I’ve got him covered”. (Or if they did, the bad guy would immediately take advantage of it.)

Fourth, cultural differences might make some implausible stuff in the original... more plausible. For example, a revived/thawed out Buck Rogers being given a position of authority in the Hidden City’s armed forces despite being four centuries out of date on tech, would actually be plausible. In Korean culture you respect your elders and seniors! Even if they’re wrong.

It’d also be a great excuse for Buck to know an “ancient and esoteric” martial art like Krav Maga or Jeet Kune Do. And so have a legit upper hand in fistfights!

Fifth, given there would likely be a bigger budget - or at least, likely access to a studio with similar shows on a bigger budget - we could get in more of the Buck Rogers comics canon on an inhabited Solar System. It wouldn’t just be Saturn that was inhabited. Other planets would have thriving societies, and we’d get some actual plot reasons why the Hidden City either hasn’t contacted them before or has been turned down when asking for aid in the past. Also instead of general Norman/European Medieval style outfits, the Saturnians would likely be dressed in a Silla-era or Goryeo style.

Sixth - love triangle. Gotta have one. Or at the very least someone pining for a person of inappropriate station.

Seventh - even weirder future tech! Though I’d say it’s a one-third split of the odds whether the amnesia helmets would be advanced tech, a drug, or actual magic. Likewise the Zugs... some kind of genetic manipulation experiment, maybe? Actual aliens? Whatever they are, there’s probably a Shameful Secret associated with them. Beam pistols would be better defined as to what they can and can’t do; not “this setting cracks rock or stuns or kills, depending on plot”. The invisibility ray would be tested on a few smaller things, before going all-out to disguise an entire ship heading out of atmosphere. And antigravity belts should equal so much wire-fu. So much.

...Ahem. Just some thoughts that amused me. Now I wish I could see it....

[butterflyintochains]

Those Small Details

Or, five times the Sid and Geno thought something was up with Kris and Erik. And the one time they knew something was up with Kris and Erik.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One - Training

Cranberry is alive again, and the boys could not be happier. Off season lasts far too long, and they all have a score to settle with the league's inane ranking system. Sid, Kris, and Geno skate laps with their new fourth musketeer, Erik Karlsson. He's awesome, and they're all very happy to have him. But, Sid can't help but notice something different between Erik and Kris. They're just about to go for lunch, Sid says. ''Tanger, Erik, you comin' with us for lunch?'' Kris smiles, his friendly smile. ''We won't be long, we just wanna practice some shots.''

Sid nods, unclipping his helmet. ''Oh, okay.'' Erik grins, cheeky as always. ''Well, ready to get smoked, Letang?'' Kris cocks an eyebrow, smirking while gathering some pucks. ''Don't threaten me with a good time, Karlsson.'' The duo share a laugh as Sid walks down the tunnel, he turns around, and just watches them for a moment. The easy conversation, the jokes they're sharing, something about Raleigh and Duncan Keith. And, he wonders what he's missed in the years he's known Kris.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two - The Plane

Every NHL team has a seating plan for the team plane, the ever superstitious Penguins are no different. Sid used to sit with Flower, and now sits by himself. Kris and Geno always sit together at the card table. The trio board the plane to Halifax together as always, and split up for their seats. And, this is where it gets weird. Lars Eller approaches Geno and Kris, and points to the empty seat next to Geno. ''Can I sit here, Geno?''

Geno nods, and moves his bag and jacket. ''Sure, that's cool.'' Kris notices Erik glancing around the plane looking for a seat, and says. ''Hey, Erik, over here!'' Erik beams at him, and gingerly takes the seat. Geno can feel the air change, a sort of familiarity buzzes between the two defencemen. Geno thinks, as they play cards, it's good that they're not clawing each other's eyes out, but it's like they've always played together. There's clearly a history here, he thinks, as Erik playfully nudges Kris' shoulder, and Kris nudges back. Geno looks to Sid, who is probably texting his sister, Sid just shrugs and goes to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three - San Jose

Ten two. Ten. Two. 10-2. Holy shit. They actually beat the Sharks ten goals to two. The bus ride back is remarkably chilled out all things considered. Geno is fast asleep next to Sid, head leaning on the window. Sid is flitting between asleep and awake himself, even easy wins are tiring. He's almost away, when his ear pricks up at hearing a hushed conversation at the back of the bus. ''So, did it feel weird at all? Being back here after the trade?'' Kris asks Erik. The swede just chuckles. ''A bit, it's nice to see what those wins look like from the good side though, y'know?''

Kris quietly says. ''Not really, but I'll take your word for it. Are you liking playing for us, Erik? Do you have any regrets about coming on board?''

Erik has a smile in his voice, and assures Kris. ''I am. It's a damn lot better than the alternative, the company is amazing.'' Kris chuckles. ''You know me better than anyone else does, Kris, the only regret I have is not coming here sooner.'' Wow, Sid closes his eyes, that sounded intimate. Sid feels vaguely dirty now, having listened in on such a private conversation. Whatever the subtext was, Sid is sure he wasn't meant to hear any of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four - Locker Room Gossip

Kris rarely gushes over goals, even his own cup winner in 2016 was 'just another day at work', that's why the team loves him so much. But, Kris and Erik are in deep and excited chatter about his game winner against Toronto. Kris got the assist. After the usual post game stuff, Geno just watches them talk to each other. Knees almost touching, shoulders angled inwards, massive smiles on both faces. ''God, if only Jumbo was still playing for them. He'd be fuming that you actually know how to assist me.'' Erik says, adjusting his tie. Kris runs his hand through his hair. ''If he'd be fuming, Burnsie would explode. He might have your Norris, but you have a better partner.'' Erik bursts out laughing. ''Someone's feisty tonight.'' Kris shrugs, and stands up. ''Pot kettle.''

Geno hates to intrude, but says to them. ''Erik, Legenda - team dinner? Dubas is paying tonight.''

Kris nods. ''We'll be right behind you, G.'' They leave the locker room together. Geno wonders when Kris became such a gossip, sure he'd bounce things off of Flower back in the day, but he'd never actually gossip about anyone on their rival teams. And, why is Erik so cool with Kris gossiping about his old team mates?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Five - Five Assists

Five assists in one period, just back from christmas, and Kris is already making history for his team and the league. He finishes media, and holds his puck tower, almost in disbelief at himself. Sid sits next to him, and pats him on the back. ''That was amazing, man, truly. I am so proud to be your captain.''

Kris beams, and says. ''Thanks, Croz. I just can't believe this is my achievement, I almost feel like this isn't real.'' Sid laughs, and assures his best friend. ''Enjoy it, Kris, we call you 'Legend' for a reason. See you on the bus.'' Kris nods, and they do their secret handshake.

Just as he's left the locker room, Sid hears Erik ask Kris. ''Where do you wanna put those, Kris?'' Kris must be thinking for a bit, but he says. ''With my Masterton, on my award shelves. You've got your own now, so we're not sharing my shelves anymore. Is that okay?'' Erik laughs, and assures Kris. ''That's okay.'' Sid ponders that on the bus ride, Erik has his own shelves now? Where? Was he just living with Kris until he found a place of his own?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six - Home

Jarry and Guentzel were selected to represent the team in Toronto. So, the trio are left with a rare three days off. Sid and Geno, done with a bag skate, get showered and changed for lunch. Strangely, neither Kris or Erik showed up today. So, instead of eating with the rest, they make the drive to Kris' place. Seeing not one, but two cars there. ''That's odd.'' Sid remarks.

They go to the door, and ring the bell. Kris is happy as ever when he says. ''Hi, guys! You're just in time, we're just about to make lunch.'' Geno kicks his shoes off. ''We?'' He asks. Kris nods, and takes them through to the kitchen, where Erik is making stir fry. ''Erik, look who's here!''

Erik smiles, and hands over cooking duties to Kris. ''Hi, guys.'' Sid says, trying to hide his confusion. ''Hi, Erik. What brings you here today?''

Erik casually says. ''I kinda live here, Sid.'' Kris chops up some carrots, eating some as he does. ''We weren't making that mistake again, it's so much easier this way. No repeats of 2017, huh, amour?'' Erik kisses Kris' cheek. ''Exactly, hjartat.''

Over lunch, which is when Geno notices the twin award shelves, they tell the story. Getting together in Raleigh at the 2011 All Star Game, breaking up after the 2017 playoffs, getting back together at the 2019 All Star Game in San Jose, and finally settling down here. ''So, yeah, we're together, and this is our home.'' Kris says.

Erik adds. ''We're so sorry we didn't tell you about this earlier, but we've been so happy, and didn't wanna risk anything again.'' Kris finishes his partner's sentence. ''It took us all of 2019 to move past 2017, we hope you two understand that.'' And, they do, they do understand that. This is something special and private, something no one should ever be able to take away from them both. Not after all they've gone through to get here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi, all! First Kris/Erik fic, and my 65th post (I hope Erik would be proud I saved this for that) I'm gonna link some people real quick. I hope this is good! I had a lot of fun with this one!

@simmyfrobby @mikathemad @couthbbg @coffee-at-annies

[mooglestiltzkin]

I haven't seen the BBC Musketeers show, partially because I've gotten into the book rrecently and also because I'm disappointed in reading about their incarnation of Rochefort. How is the show?

I liked how the book version of Rochefort was like a rival you'd see in a shonen; over confident older guy that frequently fights the younger protagonist in the same fighting style, follows the same code of honor, works for the villains but isn't too evil, and ultimately becomes friends with the protagonist after several times.

I wouldn't be surprised if at least some anime antagonists are directly based on Rochefort, Japan does have a fanbase for classic France literature.

I would say on the whole the show is pretty good! I feel like s1 is fantastic and a must watch, s2 is decent and mostly enjoyable, and s3 I don’t remember much about beyond disappointment. Costumes are great, it’s charming and funny and it’s a lovely take, for most part. S1 especially has the romp and adventure that’s so prominent in the books.

s1

-totally captures a swashbuckling feeling! great fun! good dynamics between the four! they’re all such loveable musketeers! you really feel the bonds for aramis & porthos as a loveable duo, athos & d’artagnan as old/young contrast, but them as a group and various combinations remains adorable to the end.

-they cast howard charles as porthos, and give an episode to his backstory, which i liked a lot, because it gave a really good historical explanation to having moc musketeers.

-i think they do right by constance/d’artagnan, and constance in general, making her a more fleshed out character, who lives to the end. tbh i was more won over by the ship in s2, but i think s1 was… fine for them, even if I’m pretty meh on how they handled her husband. don’t love it but it’s not especially a great role, not particularly likeable but at least he’s not oblivious to his wife having an affair. (i don’t think he found out in the book but… i could be wrong? edit: i was wrong)

-love athos. surly, alcoholic, aloof. his actor tom burke is perfect starting off indifferent to slowly regaining his former self, and how d’artagnan is the push he needs, breathing new life into him that continues in s2… and prolly s3.

-i think santiago cabrera is great as aramis, and how they explain how a spaniard is a musketeer. i think there’s an episode about the french-spanish war? it’s an episode about his backstory that features jj feild, who i adore.

-luke pasqualino surprisingly good as d’artagnan??? not quite as hot tempered, but still feisty and youthful and endearing in enthusiasm, that i enjoyed his portrayal a lot!

-maime mccoy as milady. wonderful! s1, she mysteriously appears and disappears in smoke constantly. the show is more sympathetic to her than the book, tho, but i’m super into the passionate lovers who can’t move on/kill each other/bound by their past, in s1&2. and i think for most part, the portrayal is satisfying, even if she’s not AS sociopathic, richelieu does tell her off for killing TOO much.

-peter capaldi as richelieu is amazing. it’s a great and nuanced performance that makes me wish he stayed on—altho maybe the plan was always one season, idk! but he’s riveting and i love him, and at his best here.

-there’s an episode where the musketeers hustle for money, in which porthos woos a widow. made me surprisingly happy because they do that in the book too! and it being handled here was good? (he actually stays with the widow all three seasons which is cute tho. edit: he does not! he breaks up with her the same episode and dates a different widow in s3, preparing for marriage)

-love the captain of the musketeers! treville is delightfully grumpy and i enjoy his ever growing role throughout the seasons!

cons:

-don’t particularly like queen anne/aramis getting a romance tbh. as hilarious as it is to have athos snidely whisper “you slept with the queeeeeeeen!” iconic, tbh, how it continues in s2-3, with aramis being the father of the dauphin… meh. edit: rewatching athos break the news to porthos/d’artagnan/treville is peak comedy tho.

-tbh don’t love aramis sleeping with the lady that richelieu is seeing? it’s only a pilot issue, i think, and i get that aramis is a womanizer, but. meh.

-d’artagnan dad dies in the pilot. one day there’ll be a version where he’s fine and his son writes him letters, but… not this version.

-the king. is. probably accurately portrayed stupidly. i think his actor is very good, in all honesty. but the character is a lil infuriating to watch bc of how he blindly obeys and is fooled by people and has temper tantrums. might be more of a s2 issue, where he starts dating milady and believing rochefort, but. hmm, elements are probably here too. tho i too would maybe listen to richelieu more than most.

s2

-it’s mostly good? the chemistry of the musketeers remains perfect, tho it departs from the book more so.

-love the messiness of athos/milady/king louis. milady sticking around makes things complicated for these two, but i’m so into it, bc yeah, athos/milady are clearly not over each other.

cons:

-rochefort. god i was thrilled initially bc a) marc warren, yay! b) NO EYEPATCH!!! (christopher lee is a wonderful rochefort but that movie starts the trend of rochefort having an eyepatch and… i hate it actually…) But then, he’s creepy obsessed with Queen Anne, and they give him an eyepatch in the final episode anyway, and his downfall is disappointing and pitiful tbh. He’s just so one note and a waste of an actor, that, yeah, I’m disappointed by it. I will say Anne saying “not once have I thought of you” was pretty neat tho, since they knew each other when they were younger, and she was initially happy to see him again.

-the continuation of the anne/aramis storyline bc she’s pregnant with his child… don’t particularly love that, and how aramis is dating the caretaker of his son once the dauphin is born? she dies, predictably. (actually the dauphin might have been born in s1, and s2 might have had a timeskip, my memory is pretty hazy since it’s been years.)

s3:

uh. everyone gets a happily ever after? there’s a time skip. athos starts dating sylvie, introduced in s3. they’re… fine.

-i think the season could have been good because there are two villains, one played by rupert everett as maquis de feron, who could have been interesting, and i think i read has some historical basis? but they do very little with him in the end. and then there’s grimaud. who was just very boring and pointless.

-milady is brought back for one episode, mainly bc the actress was pregnant so had less time to shoot. where she and athos cut ties for good, and he’s now in love with sylvie and he’s happy, and… yeah. not the way i wanted it to go, but c’est la vie.

-if you’re invested in constance/d’artagnan, anne/aramis, porthos/the widow, athos/sylvie, they all live happily.

tldr, i liked it initially, how it incorporated other historical elements, didn’t mind the divergences so much in s2, but i checked out a lot in s3.

but the camaraderie between the musketeers is cute, so I would still recommend s1-2, despite the flaws, and if you really want to finish the story, s3, but I wasn’t especially a fan of it.

re: book!rochefort. right??? he and d’artagnan deciding to be friends was adorable and I was delighted in Twenty Years Later, at their reunion!!! Why don’t adaptations include this instead of having Rochefort killed off??? >_<

ahaha, probably! There’s the anime dogtagnan, right? They do like Lupin a lot! I loved anime les mis! and anime gankutsuo was a good count of monte cristo for most part. altho now I do want examples of a similar Rochefort & D’Artagnan friendship in anime, bc it’s super cute, and R&D can’t be the only time that happens! i’ll try and be on the lookout for some similar dynamics bc it’s cute.

[napoleonic-sexyman-tournament]

Toussaint L’Ouverture

[no propaganda submitted]

Thomas-Alexandre Dumas

a. “mustache” b. “Tall! Daring! Swashbuckling! A devoted husband and father! Had a personal conflict with Napoleon! Also it was said he could, while holding onto a bar above his head, LIFT A HORSE WITH HIS THIGHS. How is he not on this list ten times already! Vote for General Dumas!” c. “He was so hot that he inspired The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo, and many more books that his son, Alexandre Dumas, wrote. He definitely looked the part of a sexyman, as he son recounts in his memoirs: "My father, as already stated, was twenty-four, and as handsome a young fellow as could be found anywhere. His complexion was dark, his eyes of a rich chestnut colour […]. His teeth were white, his lips mobile, his neck well set on his powerful shoulders, and, in spite of his height of five feet nine inches, he had the hands and feet of a woman. These feet were the envy of his mistresses, whose shoes he was very rarely able to put on." He could crush you between his thighs: "His free colonial life had developed his strength and prowess to an extraordinary degree; he was a veritable American horse-lad, a cowboy. His skill with gun or pistol was the envy of St. Georges and Junot. And his muscular strength became a proverb in the army. More than once he amused himself in the riding-school by passing under a beam, and lifting his horse between his legs." He was so badass he could beat 13 men with 4 and take all the enemy prisoner, and defend against hundreds of men on a bridge by himself. He performed these acts of valour numerous times in Italy. He was so formidable that the Austrians named him the "Schwartz Teufel", or the Black Devil, and his feat at the bridge earned him the moniker of "Horatius Cocles of Tyrol". He wasn't afraid to stand up to his morals and protest against unfair treatment. When unjust executions by the guillotine were happening outside his quarters, he closed the blinds of his curtains, earning him the nickname "Mr. Humanity". When in the Vendée, he complained about the wanton indiscipline in his troops. When in Italy, Berthier wrongly reported his actions as one of "observation" in St. Antonio. Dumas wrote to General Bonaparte that if Berthier was in the same position, he would have shit his pants. Dumas abhorred plunder, never exhorted the locals, and ordered the Directory agent who had come to persuade him otherwise be shot if he dared present himself to Dumas again. Integrity and a sense of moral justice is sexy, mark my words. For Dumas' final qualifier as a sexyman, look no further than this Tumblr heritage post (https://www.tumblr.com/petermorwood/133803437020/hortensevanuppity-elodieunderglass), with 300,000 notes and counting. And I quote: "- daddy general dumas was an immense fierce french warrior who was a 6 foot plus, stunningly gorgeous and charismatic Black gentleman - he invaded egypt - the native egyptians said “is this napoleon? this must be napoleon. we for one welcome our majestic new overlord” - then napoleon showed up - napoleon has all the presence of yesterday’s plain Tesco hummus - the native egyptians were like “… no… no, we’ve thought very hard and we’ll have General Dumas actually” - this did not make napoleon happy - in fact it made him jealous - napoleon felt so emasculated that he launched a campaign of revenge against General Dumas, including taking away his pension, that probably inspired a lot of Alexandre’s rather satisfying scenes in which fathers are nobly avenged and the money-grubbing villains are rubbed in the mud" I rest my case. Tl;dr: He was so hot he inspired multiple books, he was a stronk man who could crush you between his thighs or carry you like a sack of potatoes, and he was so badass that he could take on odds of 1 to 3. He had a foul mouth but a heart of gold and his actions were never self-serving. Posts relating to him on Tumblr have had 300,000 notes and counting. He is qualitatively and quantitatively qualified to be a sexyman.”

[pinkacademic]

My Top Ten Barbie Movies

With the movie approaching, I'm dubbing this Barbie Month, and pushing back on the Studying part of the Masterpost for a little longer. July is pink party time!

Today, I’m sharing my Top Ten Barbie movies, which I wonder if they’ll be controversial! Share yours, lets compare!

10: Christmas Carol. She cast herself as the villain, we love that! This is unironically a good adaptation of A Christmas Carol. It doesn’t beat the Muppets, but there are many worse adaptations that get way more praise. Eden Starling is a fantastic Barbie-fied Scrooge, and I love Morwenna Banks.

9: Star Light Adventure. I love Star Wars, I love Star Trek, I love big dumb himbos whose entire motivation in life is Eat Food, Drive Fast, Drink Respect Women Juice. Sometimes Barbie movies should be ranked by their Ken, and Prince Leo is just great. Also, a unique sci-fi plot that could only come from a Barbie movie.

8: Spy Squad. Listen, sometimes I just like dumb, fun movies. This is a stellar spy movie with a fun premise, quirky characters, a spy HQ in the H of the Hollywood sign, and the baddie is just their rival in a wig. Its cute, its colourful, they give Barbie a knock-off lightsaber. No complaints.

7: Big City, Big Dreams. We’re finally back to a good, queer-leaning Barbie movie! I love Malibu and Brookln’s dynamic, I think they’re so cute platonically or romantically, and I had fun with Mermaid Magic and Epic Road Trip too. I don’t love the tragic miscommunication moment, but I guess they had to add conflict in the last ten minutes. I love the songs and their final performance enough that all is forgiven.

6: Video Game Hero. I just think its fun, ok? This is the “there’s more than one way to ___” thing that Pink Shoes tried (and I still love, just not enough to Top Ten it) but went the wrong way about in my opinion. Video Game Hero is not a groundbreaking political commentary, or a classic musical, but it just has a special place in my heart.

5: Three Musketeers. I genuinely do not care for any other version of Three Musketeers. No one will ever beat Barbie. I love the secret society of swordfighters, I love that Prince Louis changes his tune by the power of… well, the Power of Four forevermore, I guess. I love that every version of Three Musketeers features precisely 0 muskets, and the Barbie version took that new heights with one of them fully just having ribbons.

4: The Fairytopia Trilogy. I think they get better and better with each iteration. I love the story of a wingless fairy getting wings, and then giving them up selflessly in 1 and 2, and I love that the ultimate message is that of kindness and courage. It’s also absolutely just me being blinded by childhood nostalgia, but Laverna is a top tier villain too.

3: Magic of Pegasus. I have a lot of positive thoughts about this one, but the main one is Aiden!! I think his story is quite unique and complex and he’s one of the strongest love interests of any of th Barbie movies. I also think this one is so pretty and purple, and Cloud Kingdom is glorious, and the quest plot is fantastic.

2: Princess and the Pauper. Now I know this one will not be controversial, except that it’s nt number one! Annaliese and Erika are both delightful, Julian and Dominic too, and even the characters lower on the roster are fun. Not to mention the best songs that make me want to do a full stage production.

1: Princess Charm School. This probably comes as no surprise if you’ve read my essay. I think that the socioeconomic implications are intense, I think that the murder plot is exciting, I think Hadley and Isla as Gardania Unsolved have to be among my favourite Friend Characters, and I think Blair is actually a great character too. I also love Delancey’s redemption, and how it comes from being faced with real-world consequences.

[wrestlingisfake]

G1 B Block finals preview

Jeff Cobb (5-3, 10 points) vs. Yota Tsuji (4-4, 8 points) - Cobb is the NJPW World television champion, but the title isn't on the line during this tournament.

Cobb needs a win or a draw to clinch a spot in the top three, whereby he would advance to the knockout stage. If he loses, he and Tsuji will both be at ten points, and it's possible that as many as four other wrestlers will join them in a giant tie. Those tie scenarios are pretty lousy for Jeff. If he loses here, the best he can hope for is if Hirooki Goto wins, and Konosuke Takeshita and David Finlay both win/draw. That would set up a three-way deadlock for third place, where Tsuji, Cobb, and Goto are 1-1 against each other. That sort of thing never actually happens in these tournaments, though, so for all intents and purposes, Cobb can't afford to lose.

Tsuji is in a must-win situation; a draw won't help him. Even if he wins, though, he's at the mercy of the tiebreakers. He'll be in good shape as long as Goto fails to reach ten points. If Goto wins, though, Tsuji's best path is if Ren Narita wins/draws, and David Finlay loses.

There's no specific personal issue between these two. However, at the start of the tournament Cobb was bellyaching about all the talk of a new generation taking over, and Tsuji is clearly at the forefront of that talk. So now Cobb needs to put up or shut up, against the most imposing of the Reiwa Musketeers. I think both guys are cool, so as long as I get a good fight I suppose I don't care which one wins. But realistically, New Japan isn't going to build the next decade around Cobb. Tsuji is the future, so we might as well hurry up and get there.

Ren Narita (5-3, 10 points) vs. Konosuke Takeshita (4-4, 8 points) - Like Cobb, Narita needs a win or a draw to clinch a spot in the top three. If he stays at ten points, he'll need Goto to win and Finlay to win/draw, but that will only set up deadlock ties that may not do him any good.

Takeshita can clinch a berth if he wins and Goto doesn't win. If they both win, however, Takeshita's best path is if Finlay wins/draws and Cobb loses.

I had been expecting this to be a matchup of two ruthless heels. But throughout the tournament, Takeshita has been acting like a babyface, belying the ruthless attitude he has in AEW under the tutelage of Don Callis. Thing is, heel Takeshita might be able to outmanuever Narita's cheating, but a babyface Takeshita is going to fall for every old trick just like every other babyface. I'm not thrilled to predict Narita as the winner here, but I suppose if we have to have one House of Torture guy in the knockout stage, I'd prefer him over EVIL.

David Finlay (5-3, 10 points) vs. El Phantasmo (3-5, 6 points) - Finlay's IWGP global title is not on the line during this tournament. In singles matches, these two are tied at one win apiece.

Finlay can clinch a berth with either a win or a draw. Otherwise, his destiny (like so many others) lies in the hands of Hirooki Goto. If Goto fails to win against Henare, then Finlay clinches no matter what happens in this match. On the other hand, if Goto wins his match, then Finlay can't advance without more help; he'll need Narita to lose, and to avoid a deadlock he'll want Cobb to win or draw.

For ELP, the tournament is already over. The best he can do is fight for pride. You can say that about anybody who's mathematically eliminated, but in this case it means more, given how depressed Phantasmo was at the start. After Finlay kicked him out of Bullet Club in 2023, ELP found new purpose with the Guerillas of Destiny, but in 2024 everybody else in that stable left New Japan to go to WWE. Now Phantasmo has gotten out of that funk and regained his fighting spirit...just in time to face his archnemesis.

Simply beating Finlay would be a big moral victory for Phantasmo, and potentially spoiling his G1 would be even better. But if ELP gets a win tonight, there's a good chance he'll be in line for a global title shot, which would really turn things around for him. Personally I think that's a more interesting outcome than Finlay advancing out of the block, but I'm not very certain it'll happen. Anyway, I'm rooting for Phantasmo.

Hirooki Goto (4-4, 8 points) vs. HENARE (3-5, 6 points) - Henare is the NEVER champion, but the gold isn't at stake here. Since Henare is mathematically eliminated, his primary motivation is to score his first-ever singles win against one of the guys he reveres as the embodiment of fighting spirit.

Of the six wrestlers who are still alive in this block, Goto has the most tiebreaker wins over them, with three. That gives him the advantage, or at least a deadlock, in every potential tie scenario. But he won't be in those scenarios unless he wins this match. And those scenarios won't matter if Cobb, Finlay, and Narita each clinch a berth at 11 or 12 points. Goto needs at least one of those three to lose--preferably Finlay, to avoid deadlocked ties.

Heading into this tournament, I was surprised Goto was the one aging veteran that wasn't put out to pasture--even his tag team partner YOSHI-HASHI didn't make the cut. So I wasn't expecting him to do well, but he's turned a lot of heads with his performance. If he makes it through I think a lot of people will be happy for him. But for me, Goto's been the Charlie Brown of this promotion since I got here, and I just can't work up any enthusiasm for a big comeback. My man is Henare, and I need him to maul Goto like a bear. Just give me this one thing, Gedo, please.

Shingo Takagi & Tetsuya Naito & BUSHI vs. Great-O-Khan & Callum Newman & Francesco Akira - This is a preview of Takagi vs. Khan in the quarterfinals tomorrow. Interestingly, both of them scored big wins over the world champion, Naito, during the block matches. Since they can't both win the G1, I'll be curious to see if either of them decide to chase the world title on the next tour. As for this match, it's basically filler, and Akira or (more likely) Bushi will drop the fall.

Shota Umino & Tomoaki Honma vs. EVIL & Dick Togo - On August 12, Umino handed Evil the loss that finally knocked him out of the tournament. I assume Evil wants revenge. A major factor in the match was Hiroshi Tanahashi running in to counter House of Torture's interference, so it feels like an Evil-Tana program is being set up. I doubt this match will advance the plot very much. Honma will probably lose here.

SANADA & TAKA Michinoku vs. Gabe Kidd & Jake Lee - Sanada, Kidd, and Lee are all out of the tournament and waiting for the next chapters of their respective stories. I suppose Kidd could start some shit with Sanada, but he's got beefs with so many wrestlers it's hard to say which will be his next challenger for the STRONG title. Michinoku should lose here.

Oleg Boltin & Toru Yano vs. Katsuya Murashima & Shoma Kato - Boltin was originally scheduled for a block match tonight against Yuya Uemura, but that was canceled when Yuya suffered an injury on August 10th. It's a real shame, since Uemura had a decent chance to advance out of the block with a win, and I was looking forward to seeing if he could go all the way. In any case, Boltin is finished with the tournament at four wins and five losses, which isn't bad for his first try. This should be a simple squash match for him and Yano; Murashima and Kato have no chance of winning.

[dramatisperscnae]

"i know there's been a lot between us, kyle, but i want you to know i'm... thankful," it's hard to be honest in a place like the one hal's actions put him, but he has to be. kyle held the torch for them all when he nearly snuffed the green lanterns out. hell, if the kid didn't want to look at his face ever again after meeting him as parallax, he'd understand, but here they are, sharing a rare moment of peace.

maybe it's the rare opportunity of sharing a moment at warriors without guy or john watching. maybe it's the alcohol talking already (he shouldn't drink, anyway, but recommendations are not something he follows through often), but he thinks kyle deserves a little honesty.

"i know you think you weren't chosen but even if you weren't, you were better than any expectations anyone could have. doing all you did, with no training? kilowog would've been out of his mind." he chuckles at the rim of his pitcher. "and hey, i know that means little considering i was the one who put you in that spot first thing, but... i mean it. you are one of the best of us."

Kyle really hadn't known what to expect when Hal had invited him out. They hadn't really had much interaction since Hal's return, and the only meetings they'd had before then had mostly been Hal - well. Parallax. - trying to kick seven kinds of shit out of him. And then had come the Sun-eater, and then Hal had died, and now…well, death somehow had a way of never quite being permanent for the true legends, didn't it?

Not that Kyle included himself among that number despite his own death during that Atlantis fiasco, but that was neither here nor there.

But he couldn't deny it was nice to actually talk with Hal Jordan himself for once, without the added weight of Guy and John in the conversation. It wasn't that Kyle didn't like being a part of the group - far from it - but get all four of them together and Kyle tended to feel kind of like D'artagnan to the others' Three Musketeers; a part of the group, absolutely, but still somehow on the outskirts, without the deeper bond the other three had.

He sipped at his beer, the conversation reaching a natural lull for a moment before Hal spoke up again and had Kyle looking up in mild confusion. Thankful…? What, just in general or for something specific? And where had it come from all of a sudden? They'd been just shooting the shit, catching each other up on the more mundane aspects of their respective lives - what few those were - and suddenly this?

But Hal didn't stop there. Kyle stared at him, brain trying to catch up with what he was hearing. No one else had really ever acknowledged the fact that Kyle had never gotten the same training as the others…hell, he'd never even heard the oath until Donna had introduced him to John, and he sure as hell hadn't known the legacy he carried. He'd done his best, of course, but there had been - still were - days where it just didn't feel like enough.

And then Hal had to go and finish like that. Kyle couldn't help the wry, almost disbelieving chuckle as he focused on his beer rather than the man across from him. It was one thing for Kyle's own ego to occasionally talk like that, but to hear it from Hal Jordan? The legend himself? That was something else. Especially since Hal still seemed to think Kyle really had been chosen.

"I wasn't chosen, y'know," he said with a shrug. "It could've been anyone in that alley that night. Could've been the homeless guy. Happened to be me. 'You shall have to do', exactly what he said before he shoved the ring at me and disappeared." And then, a scant few months later, he'd had to fight to keep the damned thing when both Ganthet and Hal had showed up to take it back and claim it personally, respecively. No, Kyle Rayner hadn't been chosen. He had chosen. He'd fought for his right to wear the ring.

"But that…it means a lot, actually, coming from you," he added with a crooked grin. "More than you think. I mean, all that bullshit aside, you're still Hal Jordan, y'know? The living legend, that whole thing?" Supposedly the best Green Lantern ever, depending on who you asked. "When he gave me the ring, Ganthet's only instructions were to 'do what I must'." Kyle shrugged. "So I did. Learned a lot of lessons the hard way, but…I'm still here, so I've gotta be doing something right, yeah?"