#the this totally means nothing except obviously it does kiss

[softquietsteadylove]

Thena thanks Gil for bringing back Olympia. Kiss on the cheek?

"He's in there."

"Thank you."

Gil straightened up as the door opened an, instead of the club doctor Ajak walking in, it was Thena. She had sent him to get checked by Ajak after rescuing Olympia, of course, but he watched her take Olympia back to the stables herself. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see how you're faring," she said gently, in that pretty accent she had. She closed the door behind her, walking in, still in her boots and her white sweater dress. He could see where she had gotten mud on her from hugging Olympia and wiped it off after.

"Ah, I'll be okay," he smiled, hoping to downplay his current state. He naturally went to rub at the back of his neck, but flinched his hand away before he could upset the burns on his palms. "Nothing to worry about."

Thena visibly chose not to believe him, seating herself on the stool across from the examination bench. "Gil, really--how are you?"

He sighed. He was exhausted. He hadn't exactly prepared for a mountain hike at top speed this afternoon. And even once he had found Olympia, it was no easy feat, getting a horse back up through the woods to the club grounds.

And that was ignoring when Olympia had fallen and he had to all but pick her up, or when she had stumbled and crushed him into a tree with her rib cage, or when she had headbutted him any number of times in her panic. He'd had a rough day.

"I'm okay," he admitted, his shoulders sagging. Thena looked like he had completely lied to her but he raised his hands and shrugged, "really! I mean, it's nothing serious, is all."

"I didn't ask about the severity," she huffed, but didn't lecture him the way she had lectured Olympia about running off and causing trouble. She reached out, running her thumb over some scratches on his cheek from branches hitting him in the face.

He nearly leaned into it, her touch was so cool and so soft. But he restrained himself, trying not to seem like a pathetic fanboy or something. He cleared his throat, "is Olympia okay?"

Thena rolled her eyes as if he were asking about a child they babysat or co-parented. "Do not worry for that spoiled mare, she is safe and snuggled up in a blanket."

Gil chuckled, though. "I know how worried you were."

Thena's more stern facade melted, and the times he had seen this side of her were some of his favourites. She far preferred her horse's company to that of any person here at the club. And she cared for that horse like her own child. "She is uninjured, for the most part. And although she may lack confidence for the next few days, I believe her recovery will not be so hard a road."

Gil hunched even further, resting his elbows on his knees, "that's good."

Thena looked at him again, tilting her sandy blonde eyebrows. "It is thanks to you that she's home safe and sound."

"Hey," he shrugged, rising as she did the same. "I'd do it again--in a heartbeat!"

"I know, Gil."

He blinked, suddenly finding her hands on his. He blushed, but Thena turned his hands over, examining the balm that had been applied to the raw skin there. He hissed as she pressed.

She glared at him, "nothing severe?"

He gave her his most innocent shrug, "Ajak fixed me right up. So I'll have to wear gloves for the next few days. These things happen."

Her eyes flicked up at him, making her annoyance clear as she examined his palms, then the tiny cuts and scratches anywhere else she could see, even pulling his sleeves up just a little. "These things do not simply happen. They happen because someone is...careless."

It would be easy to think she was referring to him, but he caught the downturn of her lips and the little knot between her eyebrows. "Thena, there wasn't anything you could have done."

She tugged his sleeves down for him again, developing a hunch in her own usually immaculate posture. "I should have been out there watching her. I should have gone after her. You wouldn't have-"

"Thena, listen," he cut her off, happy to interrupt her this one and only time. "Look, I won't say it was easy to get her back. But are you capable of lifting half a horse's weight?"

She looked away, not that she really wanted to admit that she couldn't.

"If you had gone after Olympia I would have been out there trying to track both of you. Then it would just be the three of us stuck out there," he chuckled, imagining poor Thena trying to get Olympia's award winning haunches up a mudslide. "I'm glad you didn't have to."

"You do entirely too much for us." He wasn't sure if she meant 'us' as in the club as a whole, or just her and Olympia. And if she was referring to just herself and her mare, then she was entirely correct. It was almost enough for him to have to worry about favouritism. But not quite.

"I do my job, Thena," he corrected, still with a smile. She pursed her lips at him and he just this once admired how the pink colour of them caught the light. "The rest is just because Olympia is, like, my only friend here."

Thena paused for a minute before clearing her throat. He tilted his head but she swatted his hands away from her, "oh, your only friend?"

She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow at him. She was unhappy to be excluded from that.

Gil blushed. "W-Well, I-I mean, I didn't, uh...wanna assume-"

Thena stood from the stool, swiping her lips over his cheek on her way up. "You are so adept at reading the horses, Gilgamesh. I suggest you brush up on your ability to read humans, as well."

Gil had to grin, although he successfully bit back a chuckle; that was rich coming from the Ice Queen. But he his cheek tingled and he felt like he had been given morphine, or maybe pure adrenaline. "I'll study up on that."

"Hm," Thena sufficed to say, collecting herself to leave as if she hadn't kissed his cheek like it was the most natural thing in the world for her.

"Leaving so soon?" Ajak asked, catching her on her way out.

"I came to see how he was doing," Thena used in her own defense, looking down at Ajak and then back at Gil. She kept her expression unreadable but he liked to believe he could see a hint of a smile on her lips. "And he seems fine, now."

He was much more than fine, maybe the best he'd felt in months.

[subwaysurf45]

This is based off reality lol but my partner has adhd so sometimes they forget to text me/contact me and it sends me into a shame spiral because my mom used to ignore me for days when I was a kid whenever she felt upset about anything (I mean she still cries it but I am an adult now so I’ve learned to live with it) but anyway it really traumatized me because now when people g hours without responding I immediately assume it was my fault and I dive into fix it mode (even if I did nothing wrong). So idk maybe you could do something where Bucky forgets to text reader about something and reader immediately panics and freaks out because ✨trauma✨

babe, I got you. thank you for the ask, I totally know what you mean. I have many friends who forget to answer my texts and you can't help but think they are mad at you, I fully understand. I hope this does what you are feeling justice.

A/N: there are a few time jumps, I hope it's not too confusing!

So many years ago… 

“Mom!” you screamed from outside her door, sitting on your knees while tears streaked down your face. 

She had hit the new record for how many days gone without speaking to you; three was the new record. You had forgotten what you had done but your mother definitely did not, she was an elephant with her memory. 

You were invisible to her, she walked right past you with nothing to say. There was seemingly nothing you could do except wait it out, but you needed your mother, you wanted her comfort. As hard as you banged against her door, as loud as you screamed, as hard as you cried; she did nothing. 

It was always the worst when you accepted defeat and headed off to your room, contemplating how you would punish yourself because obviously you had done something very wrong. There were times when you’d punch your own thigh, maybe scratch along your collar where the skin was thin, anything to continue the punishment. 

There had been times when she’d catch the bruises on your legs, immediately giving up the act to get you the bag of frozen peas. Everytime you thought it was over, you really thought she’d continuously love you. But then you’d forget to unpack the dishwasher or say something under your breath after an argument; and the cycle would repeat. 

Present Day...

“Bye, love,” you whispered and leaned up to kiss Bucky, wrapping your arms around his neck as he placed his gentle hands on your hips. His roommates were in the next room so you needed to be quick and quiet, no one needed to know about your kissing. 

“Text me when you get back to your place, yes?” Bucky muttered before leaning down and pressing a kiss to your collarbone, softly pulling the collar of your shirt with it, pressing a loving kiss to the mark that was blooming. 

You grew coy, “of course,” you whispered as you fiddled with the hem of his shirt, “bye,” you said at the last moment with your head still poking in the door. Bucky stood there and waved, when the door closed you headed down to your car and headed home. 

There was something about Bucky that was unlike any of the other guys you got close with, there was something so pure about him; even though he wasn’t all the time. On your first date he got you flowers and the next date you got him a bouquet. All the boys in the house laughed but after putting them in a vase and getting into his car you saw a tear roll down his cheek, just one before he swiped it away. 

He has one of the flowers pressed and in a frame sitting on his bedside table. 

There was an immediate uplift in your life after meeting Bucky, something to look forward to every morning with his texts and always feeling secure. You knew he was your guy, you no longer needed to suss out your mother before calling her to rant. Sometimes she was in a bad mood and would hang up on you, or even worse, sigh loudly until you got the hint. But if Bucky didn’t have time for a phone call he’d stop by on his way home from work or class, just checking in and then either picking you up or stealing a quick kiss before heading home. 

You looked after one another because both of you wanted to see each other happy, there was never a moment of malice between you two, just uplifting spirits. 

That wasn’t to say you were always perfect, there had been big fights and big emotions. But with Bucky, he sat down and talked about them, maybe after taking a walk so he wouldn’t scream in anger, but there would always be a drive to fix things and not let them linger. 

It took many relationships and friendships to realize your mother did a number on you, what you thought was normal raised a few brows; especially Bucky. 

“Babe,” Bucky said in his bed, sitting up against the headboard, “that’s fine,” he patted your butt. You were laying on your stomach and trying not to look at him. 

“But you…” you sighed, “we were-...” you sighed again. 

Bucky leaned over so you had to look at him, “I was in the mood last night- both of us were -and we had fun, even though I’m fine with something doesn’t mean you have to be as well.” it didn’t look like you believed him, Bucky chuckled and laid right behind you, “I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman and have period sex, babe, I don’t,” you cracked a smile, “just because I offer to lay down a towel doesn’t mean you have to agree, alright?” 

“But I feel bad,” you whispered, “but I also don’t like how messy it gets and I was tired because my iron level drops so bad and-”

“And there’s our answer,” Bucky giggled, “remember: we both have to agree, don’t just follow along, alright?” 

“Sure,” you whispered. Bucky obviously didn’t think that was good enough, so he tickled you until you were screaming in agreement, the most enthusiastic alright. 

When you got home you trudged up the stairs and laid on your bed, sending Bucky a text that you got home. 

You: got home perfectly fine, I did in fact almost hit a bunny but it ran out of the way

Bucky: seriously, you gotta be more alert

You: I know I was paying attention but it just came out of nowhere

Fixing your pillow, you sat up and stared at your phone. The typing bubble hadn’t even popped up yet, you needed him to know you were driving safe. With the extra time now you re-read his text, you immediately read it like he was chastising you. Giving you pointers because he felt you were a bad driver. 

You wanted him to answer, so he knew you knew you needed to be safe. As you sat there the gears in your brain began to spin, you shouldn’t be this tied to your phone, it’s unhealthy. Don’t be a clingy girlfriend, he’s not actually mad at you. 

You began to type again: babe? But you quickly deleted it. 

You sat for a moment: did I do something? That was too pathetic. 

Maybe a different angle: I bet that bunny is off with its family right now, having the time of its life. But even that was a little much, you could easily come across as rude. 

Instead you placed your phone to the side and tried to think back, was there something you did that pissed him off? Maybe he was just annoyed with something else and took it out on you. You could barely sit with yourself, this needed to get fixed. You couldn’t leave him mad at you for too long, he’d leave you. 

The thing about your mother was, she would never abandon her kid. But with Bucky, you’re just some girlfriend, easily disposable. 

*****

Bucky smiled down at his phone, looking at the text you sent him. “Gotta love her,” he whispered to himself as he sat on the couch, before he could begin to type Sam poked his head in the backyard. 

“Hey, need you to help with the barbeque,” Sam waved him outside. 

Bucky threw his phone beside him on the couch, “who’s grilling tonight?” 

“You,” Sam smirked, “you always do them so well."  

Steve was already out there, there was something wrong with the propane tank. All three of them used google and youtube to figure out why the tank wasn’t fitting in the BBQ, they had the same tank as last time but something wasn’t connecting. 

“There isn’t even a hiss when you start it up,” Bucky said as he fiddled with the switch, “that’s so weird, man,” Bucky scratched the side of his head. 

“I’m so fucking hungry,” Sam muttered to himself, “if we don’t get this figured out soon, I’m fucking ordering in again and I don’t care how much it costs.” 

“We’ll figure it out,” Steve nodded as he crouched down to try and come up with a solution. 

Though it took a while, they managed to hook up the new tank all by themselves. Bucky now stood by the grill, one hand on the bar on the lid, and watched the timer hit zero. The smell was amazing when he opened the top, feeling the hot steam escape after building up. Steve and Sam were inside, cutting up tomatoes and other toppings to put on their burgers. 

“Hey, bud,” Sam called from the screen door, “your girl is blowing up your phone.” 

Bucky turned around, “pass it over,” he flipped the last patty and walked over. Immediately, his heart sank as he saw the spammed texts and calls that were coming from you. The most recent text covered the others on his lock screen: I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry I made you upset. 

“What?” he whispered to himself, clicking on the notification to see the others in their text chain. 

You: Babe? 

You: the bunny is okay and so am I 

You: are you mad? 

You: I know you think this is so pathetic but the text you sent sounded like you were mad and I want things to be okay if your mad but also I’m freaking out over nothing because you probably aren’t

You: right? 

You: please pick up the phone 

You: Bucky I’m losing my fucking mind, please don’t shut me out if you’re upset, please 

You: please

You: okay

You: I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry I made you upset. 

Before Bucky could do anything, he was frozen as he stared at the typing bubble that popped up. When the text came through his heart cracked to pieces, it felt like he was dying. 

You: I’ve been bad and I deserve it

“Boys!” Bucky called from outside, Sam and Steve both ran out. “Something wrong with y/n, I need to go to her house, I’m sorry, someone’s gotta watch this right now.” 

“What’s wrong?” Steve had never seen Bucky more stressed out in his life, watching as he basically tugged his hair out. 

“She’s-” Bucky held out his phone, “look at this.” 

Sam was the one to take the phone, “dude,” he looked up at Bucky, “you sounded mad at the last text you sent, the ‘seriously’ doesn’t help and then-” 

“Holy shit,” Bucky snatched the phone from Sam’s hands and ran to the door to get into the backyard from the side of the house, fishing for keys as he got to his truck. 

You sat on the edge of your bed, Bucky beside you. “you-I don’t want you to meet my mom.” 

“Why?” Bucky rubbed your back, you looked so sad as you sat beside him, rubbing your wrist raw with anxiety. “I’m sure she’s not as bad as you think.” 

“No,” you shook your head, “she just messed me up,” you looked up at Bucky who was shaking his head, silently saying you aren’t messed up. “She would ignore me for days on end, I wouldn’t know if I was getting fed or dropped off at school somedays, and I was like seven. I-” you choked on your words, leaning into Bucky’s side as he kissed the top of your head, “I just always assume people are always mad at me- especially if I get ignored because I’m so used to it.” 

“That’s why you don’t want me to meet her?” Bucky whispered. 

“She doesn’t deserve to meet you,” you mumbled while you looked at the floor, “she’s in the past and I don’t want my present and past to mix.” 

Bucky nodded and planted a few more kisses on the top of your head, “I’ll always be here, I’ll always be in the present.” 

No speed limit mattered in this moment, the university kids crossing the street were perfectly timed. It was like the universe knew Bucky needed to get somewhere, all the lights were green and no one got in his way. When he parked in the driveway to your off campus apartment complex he almost forgot to turn off the car, he was sprinting out of there. 

He had a key to your place, you had a key to his. 

“y/n?” he bursted through the door, not hearing a single sound. He found you in your room, sobbing under the covers, you didn’t even hear him come in. “baby,” he whispered and quickly hugged you from outside the covers, making you jolt away from him. “It’s just me, I’m not mad, I promise, come here.” 

“You’re not?” you coughed out, looking over your shoulder at him. 

“I was about to text you back and then Sam needed my help with the barbeque and I forgot about it so quickly, you know how I get with that.” 

“I do,” you nodded. 

“And I was in charge of the burgers so I was outside, away from my phone- jesus, I’m so sorry,” Bucky whispered and got under the covers, “it just slipped my mind, I didn’t mean to give you the silent treatment, I really didn’t.” 

“Deep down I knew you were busy but then I just…” you sighed and looked away, “I fed into my thoughts, what I knew since I was a kid: getting ignored is-” 

“I know,” Bucky kissed your temple, “don’t feel bad you went back to what you knew, anyone would do that, I’m just so sorry,” he held you tightly, kissing all around your head, “that text meant to be funny but it so wasn’t and I’m so sorry, but I’m not mad- all you need to know is that I’m not mad at all,” he felt you nod, “all one misunderstanding that really hurt you.” 

“I forgive you,” you flipped around to face him, “I’m just so mad I let her win again, I thought I was over this.” 

“I forgot to text you back for a long time,” Bucky brushed the hair out of your face, “you can only go so long and that’s normal, babe, totally normal.” You used his shirt to wipe the tears off of your face, “you don’t need to feel any shame or any embarrassment, alright?” 

“But I do,” the tears came back again but Bucky was quick to soothe them. He held you close and continuously whispered in your ear sweet nothing, making you feel loved. After a while you believed him, he wasn’t mad at you, and you leaned into his touch. 

“The only thing you deserve,” Bucky cupped your face to make you look at him, “is to be loved and listened to, alright?” 

You nodded, a smile gracing your lips for the first time in what felt like days, “alright.”

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[andavs]

If eddie just kisses buck on his cheek, he would only realize what he did like 5 mins later and he would go 'oh' just as buck sits there frozen trying to process what just happened

I can see Eddie doing it and not even realizing at all until Buck's acting weird because he's overthinking it. It's natural, it's muscle memory for Eddie.

Mwah for Chris, mwah for Buck, grab his keys, out the door.

Meanwhile, there aren't a lot of people Buck gets cheek kisses from, so he would definitely remember if Eddie was one of them. He isn't. Or he wasn't. Until about ten minutes ago. And Buck has no idea what that means.

Chris either didn't notice or didn't consider it weird enough to comment on, and Buck doesn't want to make it weird if it's actually nothing, so he can't just ask. But he also can't just sit there with a freshly kissed cheek like that didn't just happen in the middle of gluing down big cut out letters for Chris' latest science project.

So because he's in a scientific kind of mood and can't do much more on the actual project layout until Eddie gets back with the tri-fold project board Chris swore he didn't need six hours prior, Buck takes a scientific approach and thinks through the concrete evidence he's gathered over the years.

Obviously Eddie gives Chris cheek kisses (and head kisses, and forehead kisses, and though they've waned as Chris has gotten older, every other kind of dumb, exaggerated kisses in dumb places just to make his son laugh). He gives his abuela cheek kisses, and Pepa. His mom and sisters. They're all family, that makes sense.

Eddie does not give any of the 118 cheek kisses. There's plenty of hugs, but no kisses that Buck has witnessed. Somehow he can't quite picture Eddie planting one on Chim at the end of a shift. Eddie considers the team to be family, and has said as much many times before, but not cheek kiss kind of family.

Buck is part of the 118.

Buck just got a cheek kiss.

Which based on evidence would group him not with the 118, but with the Diaz family.

Which does not bode well for Buck's not-quite-familial feelings towards Eddie.

But. He also clearly remembers a cheek kiss or two for Ana. Who was definitely not grouped in with the Diaz family or the 118 family. She was in her own circle on the Eddie Diaz Venn Diagram of Cheek Kisses, and if Buck was feeling particularly confident, he might say he himself occupied the very center of this diagram where all of these circles overlapped.

Except he's not feeling all that confident, and for all he knows, he actually occupies his own mutant growth off of the 118 circle that only gets cheek kisses because he promised to vacuum up the sand they've already spilled on the floor for this science project. Eddie really hates vacuuming, that's a definite possibility.

He's still staring into space at the dining table when Eddie gets back with the tri-fold project board. He's also sitting there totally alone, because he was so wrapped up in his mental Venn diagrams that he completely missed whenever Chris got bored and went into the kitchen to get a snack.

Eddie doesn't seem to find this weird at all as he bitches about the lady in front of him at the check-out who bought the store's entire stock of bagged fake snow even though it's May, and of course each bag had to be rung up individually. Halfway through, he tosses a pack of Reese's onto the table, even though neither he nor Chris likes them very much. Buck loves Reese's, and Eddie knows this, because he always makes a face when Buck licks the chocolate that gets left behind on the paper cup.

He calls for Chris and pulls his chair a little closer to Buck, and when he sits down their thighs are pressed against each other. Neither of them moves away. They might actually end up even closer together as the three of them work through the evening, and after Chris goes to bed, they finish cleaning up the project debris together. Buck vacuums and Eddie gathers up all the cut up bits of paper.

And when Eddie nods for Buck to follow down the hall to his bedroom instead of setting up the couch like he usually does, Buck starts to think that maybe being the center of the Eddie Diaz Venn Diagram of Cheek Kisses isn't such a long shot after all.

[toughandbitter]

Jess Margera general relationship headcanons

Just some headcanons, very sfw.

not spell checked either... sorry :/

I feel like for all the guys they have a tougher exterior but they're secretly sweethearts. They just don't let on about it all that much.

Jess is not an exception and he's very private so it's likely he's not super out there about your relationship

That doesn't mean he's ashamed or anything, he just doesn't feel the need to show you off or anything

However, always has an arm around you or something

and that's more likely to be close to you 

He's kind of like 'casually dominant' ig?? Like, I feel like he has that air about him

Has a way of guiding you to him 

Probably the type of guy to touch the small of your back if he needs you to move or something at a party

Speaking of, I can see him being a bit more out there with his affection when he's had a few to drink

Like I can see him hugging you from behind at a party, you holding a beer or something for you both to share when you're talking to other people. 

I feel like he's probably super affectionate in secret

A big fan of hugs from behind, kisses on the neck, SPOONING 100%

He is always the big spoon idc

but like even if he's not affectionate with you all the time, he's super proud of you

like totally in love

If someone asks about you he's like, 'yeah, that's my girlfriend.'

However, does like a bit of affection from you 

like doesn't mind being kissed on the cheek in front of his friends

kind of brightens up a bit when you do that

ALWAYS watches you walk away

likes to admire the view, obviously???

The guys make fun of him for doing it

The guys love to make fun of him when it comes to you

His demeanor changes a lot when you're around

He always seems a bit more settled when he's with you

Also loves to listen to you talk, looking at you enamoured

Dico noticing it, making fun of Jess' heart eyes for you

You poking fun at him for it when no one's around

Him kissing you to shut you up

He's just totally whipped for you

I feel like it's crucial for your guys' relationship that you get along with his friends and family

I bet Ape and Phil are really welcoming

He thinks it's really cute if you help Ape out as well

Like if he's ever sat with the guys and sees you helping her clean up or cook he's definitely got a stupid smile on his face because of it. 

When he's on tour, you might spend a lot of time at Ape and Phil's or Bam's

It means you're probably featured on Viva La Bam a bit

You being one of the reasons he watches VLB

Likes to see you rep CKY merch on there as well

Plus he thinks it's funny to watch you take the piss out of Bam

It's like you're doing his job for him

Plus being on VLB means you can sometimes get sent to visit him on tour for free when there's like a crossover episode

Both of you finding hard when he's on the road

You guys being really cute when you guys reunite

You picking him up from the airport, being a total cliche and doing one of those hugs where you jump into his arms

Bam saying it's cheesy after seeing it at some point, neither of you care at all

Him enjoying domesticity when he's home because of that 

Likes stuff like home cooked meals, cooking with you, really likes to wake up with you

Low key loves shopping with you, even if he's just carrying bags for you

Likes to just sit and do nothing with you sometimes

it's kind of an unspoken rule that if you guys don't have anything to do in a morning you guys stay in bed waiting for the other one to wake up 

This had to start because he's definitely the type to pull you in closer if you try and get up before him

If he wakes up before you, he will definitely lie there cuddling you, maybe kissing your forehead every once in a while

If you have your back against his chest will kiss your shoulder and the back of your head

This is definitely done if he's leaving for tour that day

You guys wake up earlier to just do this before he leaves

Also being on Radio Bam as well

Always sat next to each other

Bam harassing you for embarrassing things about Jess 

Bam also telling embarrassing stories about him, and both of you just laughing about it

Jess getting fed up of arguing with Bam

You just sitting next to him, playing with his hands while he chats shit with the rest of the guys

He seems like he'd be a chill boyfriend as well

like very secure in your guys' relationship

Never getting mad if another guy flirts with you

Tends to turn the other guy into a bit of a joke

Which isn't hard for him because of how funny he is

Is also able to make you laugh in any situation

He just likes being in your company 

You seem to cheer him up a lot, especially if the band pisses him off

You guys just being a really solid couple and supporting each other

[fangirlwriting-stories]

Before I Go

Summary: Remus doesn't have a lot of time left, but he wants to give living his best shot anyway, and that includes fixing things with someone he never thought he'd see again.

Author's Note: Hi, yeah, if you couldn't tell from the death and noncon tags, this isn't exactly going to be a happy one. No false pretenses here, characters will die, nothing is fixed except for the things the characters fix themselves with their bare hands. That is not to say there is no hope involved, this is a story by me after all, but don't expect all good feelings from the ending.

Honestly I blame Rent. I saw Rent for the first time and it fucked. me. up. (positive), so I had to make my own catharsis. If you're looking for something to be mad at, be mad at the Rent musical. It's not my fault. Except for all of the ways that it totally is.

Anyway enjoy!

AO3 Link

Chapter One:

It is 3:00 on a Wednesday morning and Remus is hacking blood into the sink.  Janus woke up when he leapt out of bed and followed him into the bathroom, and is now rubbing his back, obviously just as exhausted as Remus is.  He has told Remus to shut up the few times that he’s actually tried to apologize, so even if Remus could speak around the blood coming out of his mouth, he wouldn’t say anything.  Or maybe he’d say “I love you.”  Because he does, he loves Janus so much sometimes it hurts almost as much as the actual physical pain that’s coming with the stupid blood he’s coughing up.

He manages a couple gasping breaths in between coughs, but he’s still weak in the knees by the time everything stops and he’s leaning his weight on the edge of the sink.

“Everything done coming out?” Janus murmurs from behind him.

“Never,” Remus says weakly.  “I’m gay, Janus.”

“Not at three in the goddamn morning, Remus,” Janus says, reaching out and pulling Remus’ arm over his shoulder.  He leads him to the toilet and helps him sit down, then heads back to the cabinet under the sink and pulls out disposable gloves and a washcloth.

He spends the next ten minutes wiping the blood from Remus’ mouth like he’s a toddler who got mush all over his face, and Remus is too exhausted to even feel embarrassed.  Finally, Janus helps him up and supports them both back over to the bed, then heads over to the other side of the room and grabs the bucket they’ve kept here since the coughing up blood started.  He sets it on the nightstand next to Remus and climbs into bed, immediately wrapping his arms around Remus from behind and starting to run a hand through his hair.

“I love you,” Remus murmurs, not having the strength to turn around.  Janus just hums in acknowledgement and replies “Go to sleep, Remus,” sounding halfway there himself.

Remus, however, lays there with his eyes open, despite the exhaustion begging him to shut his eyes.

This isn’t the first time he’s woken up in the middle of the night to cough up blood.  It is, however, becoming more common, and Remus is beginning to dread the day he’ll have to move into a hospital full time.  The idea is nauseating for more reasons than the actual nausea in his stomach.  Hospitals mean round-the-clock care from nurses who won’t stop looking at him like dying is his fault.  It means restricted access to Janus.  It means he’s that much closer to actual death.

And yes, he and Janus had agreed to focus on something else until it’s impossible to do so.  Remus doesn’t want to wander around like he’s already a ghost.  He wants to continue living while he’s still around to do it.  They cook fancy dinners and Remus writes songs, writes stories, kisses Janus until he can’t breathe.  They go to bars and drag shows and spray paint slogans on the side of the highway.  Remus refuses to die before he’s dead.

But this is the third time this month he’s coughed up blood, and one of these days he’s going to ruin the sheets.

Remus pulls himself gently out of Janus’ arms, and shushes him with gentle reassurances when Janus shifts and starts to wake up again.

Thankfully, Janus is tired enough to fall back asleep.  Remus looks down at him for a second before heading out of the bedroom, through the hallway, past the living room, and into the kitchen of their tiny ass apartment.

He picks up the phone and stands for a minute, listening to the dial tone as he catches his breath from the short walk from the bedroom.  Finally, he dials, pushing and pulling his finger in and out of the wound up cord as he does.  It’s only as he hits the last number that he remembers it’s three in the morning, but he also doesn’t care.

The phone rings four times, and Remus has almost resigned himself to leaving a “see ya, I’m dying” voicemail when someone picks up.

…

Roman hadn’t been excited to be woken up by a phone going off in the middle of the night since it had meant a snow day, but tonight was an especially bad one.  He was laying in bed in the t-shirt and boxers he’d pulled on in order to not have to sleep naked, curled up on the opposite side of the mattress from Clarissa.  He’d wanted to wait to process thoughts until he could get up and shower the next morning and shove all of last night into a box in the back of his head.

But then he was woken up by the ringing phone, and he groaned, rolled over in bed and buried his head back in the pillow.

“I’ve got it,” said Clarissa, who was much more awake than he was at any time of day.  She climbed out of bed and walked towards the kitchen, leaving the bedroom door open in her wake.

Roman vaguely heard her say something about “what is the meaning of this do you know what time it is” before he slipped back into sleep.

Unfortunately, it seemed Clarissa wasn’t able to handle it, because suddenly Roman was waking up again to her shaking his shoulder.

Roman jerked upright into a sloppy resemblance of a seating position and looked blearily at Clarissa.  Her mouth was pressed tight into a line and her face showed barely concealed disgust.  Roman was about to ask her what was the matter and why she looked like that, but then she answered both questions at once.

“It’s your brother,” she said, pointing behind her back towards the kitchen.

Roman blinked a couple of times, trying to make sense of her sentence.  “Calling at three in the morning?” he managed.

Clarissa just nodded, lips pursed.

Roman shook his head a couple times to try and wake himself up, then pulled himself out from under the covers, headed out through the living room and over towards the kitchen.  If it was Remus, and Clarissa hadn’t hung up on him as soon as she realized, that meant it was bad.

Roman picked up the phone from where it had been laid on the counter and put it up to his ear.  “Remus?”

“Roman, hey,” Remus said.  His voice sounded rough, like he’d swallowed sandpaper, which, knowing Remus, was very possible.

“Remus,” Roman repeated, trying to gather up some sort of disgust or anger in case Clarissa was listening from the other room.  It wasn’t that hard, it was the middle of the night and Remus had called him out of nowhere.  “What the hell are you calling me for?”

Remus was silent for a second, which was so unusual that Roman looked down at the phone, almost concerned.  “Remus?”

“So uh,” Remus said, and suddenly his voice sounded weak, which was definitely not like Remus, and now Roman was actually concerned.  “You know how you always said being openly gay was gonna get me killed one day?”

“What?”

“Well, you were, um, you were right.  Just… not in the way you thought.”

Roman gripped the phone tighter.  “Remus, what’s going on?”

Remus was quiet for another moment.

“…I’m dying,” he whispered finally.

Roman squeezed the phone so hard he heard it squeak in his hand.  “When?”

“Couple months, probably.”

Neither of them said anything for a minute, instead standing there listening to each other breathe through the phone.

“Roman?” Remus said finally, and Roman hated the shake he heard in his voice.

“Yeah?” Roman whispered.

“Can you come here?  Please?”

“Where are you?” Roman said before he really thought it through.

“New York.”

Roman huffed a laugh.  “Yeah.  Yeah, that… that makes sense.”

“I’ll give you the address.”

Roman grabbed a pen and paper and wrote it down as Remus said it to him.  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he said.  “Probably later this week.”

“Thanks,” Remus said, and his voice was still shaking and Roman wanted it to stop.

“Remus,” Roman said, but stopped after that when he realized he didn’t have anything else to say.

Remus was quiet for a minute, then seemed to realize this too.  “I’ll see you,” he said, and hung up.

Roman pressed the phone to his forehead and listened to the dial tone.

“You’re going?”

Roman squeezed his eyes shut without moving.  “He’s my brother, Clarissa.”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know,” Roman said.  He’d say something about ‘since now, since he just told me he was dying,’ but that would be a lie, because Roman was pretty sure Remus had never stopped being his brother.  No matter what he’d said to their parents.

“Roman,” Clarissa said, and Roman heard her footsteps walking forward and he did not want her to touch him right now.

He turned and walked quickly past her, back towards their bedroom.

“Roman!” Clarissa said, starting after him.

Roman went straight for their closet and pulled out a suitcase, then dragged it over to their dresser and pulled open drawers, starting to shove clothing inside.

Clarissa’s voice came from the doorway a second later.  “Roman, I think you’re being a little ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous?” Roman snapped, turning to glare at Clarissa, which seemed to surprise her.

She recovered quickly.  “Yes!  You’re rushing off like it’s the end of the world!”

“He’s dying, Clarissa,” Roman said, standing and realizing in a way he often didn’t that he was several inches taller than her.

Clarissa rolled her eyes.  “Well, whose fault is that?”

Roman’s eyes widened slightly, though he wasn’t actually that surprised.  He still didn’t say anything though, just stared at Clarissa for a couple seconds.

Eventually, she seemed to find it a little uncomfortable, and took a step back.  “What, am I wrong?” she asked, trying to glare up at Roman and falling short.

Roman just looked at her for another second.  “Shame on you,” he said quietly, and this time Clarissa’s eyes widened in what was an obvious shock.

Roman turned and started packing again.

...

Chapter Two

[9leaguesofmirrors]

Ross Gaines x Joseph Lisgoe Things

AKA: Gainsgoe headcanons that have me in a chokehold

When they realise they like the other person, them being less disturbed by the fact they're into guys and more disgusted by the fact they're feeling things that aren't negative

Them showing their affection by bullying each other. I don't mean the playful teasing that normal couples do, Lisgoe will insult Ross, who will retort back with a snide remark, to which Lisgoe will respond to with a threat and so on - nobody else is allowed to do it though, they're protective of each other

Them having frequent back-and-forths/"snark-swapping", but rarely actually arguing because they aren't fussed with typical Relationship Problems™️: work getting in the way? They're both dedicated to their jobs. Future plans? They both think marriage is a waste of time and money and GOD knows they hate children. Insecurities? With Ross and Lisgoe? Now THAT'S a laugh!

But also... both of them lowkey feeling constant pressure to constantly be the best in their field and always feeling the need to compete with others, and slowly, subconciously, learning how to be OK with having off moment

This doesn't stop them from being absolute terrors to the inhabitants of Royston Vasey

Lisgoe secretly having a thing for Ross' eyes and REFUSING to admit that he likes how piercing they are because that's gross and pathetic

Ross liking how angular Lisgoe's features are

Occasionally, he'll absentmindedly run his hands along Lisgoe's collarbones and hips and/or touch his jawline while they're talking - Lisgoe teases him for it, but never pushes him away

"You're doing it again, you handsy bastard"

"I don't hear you complaining"

Ross appreciating Lisgoe's up-front attitude and Lisgoe liking that Ross offers solutions to problems

Lisgoe secretly being the reason Ross stops ranting about how "disgustingly trashy" tattoos are because he keeps seeing them on Lisgoe's torso and arms on the rare occasions that they're exposed and damn it, they suit him

Ross being the only person to call him "Joseph"

Lisgoe being banned from the kitchen because he can't cook (he sets fire to pasta because he doesn't add water, that's how bad he is), and him being stubborn and trying to anyway because he's a grown man, damn it!

"Ross, I said I'm cooking tonight"

"And I said, if I'm going to die, I'm doing it on my own accord. Not by a housefire and DEFINITELY not from your attempt at risotto"

Their physical affection (with the exception of that side of things) being minimal and private because ew, PDA and ew, sap

It usually involves hands (don't be dirty!); a hand on the back, on the shoulder, Lisgoe using Ross' shoulder as an armrest because he's a habitual leaner

On a few occasions, because kissing is NOT what he does (other than... mhm), Lisgoe has a tendancy to kiss the corner of Ross' mouth

And Ross Gaines feels NOTHING about this! He's so NORMAL about it! It totally doesn't take him a moment to steady his breathing because he's SO UNAFFECTED, HE'S ROSS GAINES FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Lisgoe trying to find ways to make Ross swear (which is a rare occurance as it is); sometimes it's because he finds it funny, other times because it's very attractive - it depends on the situation

"I don't understand why someone people don't possess any basic understanding on how to act like normal people. They're vile"

"They're worse than that, surely"

"... I'm not doing it"

"Come on, you're itching to say it. Call them an asshole, or a twat, just let it-"

"They're a bunch of wankers. Happy?"

"Very"

Them being an absolute power duo

Ross is the brains, obviously. He's logical, quick-witted and is able to work his way out of any puzzle - what he lacks in strength, he makes up for in knowledge and application

"I appreciate the effort you put into your story, but I know for a fact that it doesn't add up. And I think you do too, am I correct?"

Many people assume Lisgoe is the "muscle" (in spirit, we all know he's tall and lanky), and that isn't wrong. But, due to the nature of his work (and the fact that he's a tyrannical bastard), he's VERY good at reading body language and facial expressions. The slightest nervous twitch or smug smirk, he'll catch on no matter how small it is

"You're scared. Why? Because you know you're fucked? Or is it because you know I'm about to dash your brains into the fucking pavement?"

Both of them getting jealous when the other gets flirted with; Ross has silent rage, while Lisgoe drags the person away and sorts them out himself

Them being the most feared couple in Royston Vasey

Them REVELLING in their reputation

[legendarybelmont]

The CV3 gang + Dracula for the meme? :>

FINALLY getting to this one, god im so sorry lmao ive been distracted by a certain funky new interest

okie dokie, first up: trevor!

favourite thing about them: uuh okay so basically everything but to pinpoint something specific: his personality? peak. hes a DISASTER. kind of an asshole prick. and i love that! its so good because get this: trevor is, in a way, the Quintessential Belmont, hes the blueprint as far as chronological goes (ignoring leon because he kind of doesnt exactly fit the dracula-stabbing mold im afraid) and he sets mad shit up, he literally befriends the series Big Good. and yet hes still a jerk. hes obviously flawed. hes the blueprint for a bloodline of noble heroes and yet hes so obviously human! hes a guy! hes kind of a bastard, prone to a stupid mistake or two, and of course even then hes still very much a Good Guy. hes loyal, has a strong moral compass, is generally friendly when hes not being a total bitch... you get it

least favourite thing about them: netflix. other than that there is nothing wrong with him. except he deserves better tbh i mean hes kind of underrated? for being the mc of the best classicvania and as i said, Quintessential Belmont, as well as kind of just seeming like the kind of character fandom would latch onto, hes not really talked about much unless its netflix!trevor. on one hand im glad he gets left alone mostly, but on the other its kind of a shame :(

favourite line: "INCINERATE!" but actually, im really fond of all his really bitchy lines to hector. "For one that served under Dracula, you seem much too weak." and "Be that as it may, I am the one who shall vanquish him, your meddling is unwelcome. Leave him to me!" (note, i love how he just Keeps Going when he talks, my man cannot end a sentence or take a pause for the life of him)

brOTP: so that i dont repeat the same thing too much, lets go with hector & trevor! i think they could be good friends :>. julia too, trevor has no qualms about hanging with witches considering he married one (but trevor & grant have my whole heart im sorry)

OTP: trevor/grant/sypha/alucard :D but if i had to pick just one, then i guess it would be trevor/sypha, since. its canon

nOTP: iiii cant really think of one? other than the complete obvious. there are some ships i dont really vibe with but nothing i dislike enough to go full on "fuck no" for.

random headcanon: a version of the events from each casino type game trevor is in did happen, because the idea that he kicked draculas teeth in that many times is really funny. angela from the pachinko or whatever is his friend who he has literally never mentioned to anyone ever because he forgor :)

unpopular opinion: i dont really know whatd be unpopular? lmao

song i associate with them: Belmont the Legend, pretty obviously, but moreso than that: Beginning! i think it fits the vibe of "silly whacky group of friends who may be kissing go on a magical adventure to knock draculas shit sideways". as for actual songs, uh, ummm. Hell's Comin' With Me by Poor Mans Poison :p

favourite picture of them: gotta be one of these

now for best boy grant

favourite thing about them: his friendship with trevor!! very cute it makes my brain explode

least favourite thing about them: konami why did you put him in the basement? give him back now

favourite line: "I can help you a lot because I am very fast." he can help me a lot because he is very fast

brOTP: grant & trevor obviously! but grant & sypha is peak too, they bond over their shared stupid idiot. maybe he could befriend hector because of all the stealing hector does?

OTP: same as ever, trevor/grant/sypha/alucard, but to pick just one itd be grant/trevor

nOTP: havent got one lmao

random headcanon: hes a good cook! he made trevor the curry that you can steal from him in curse of darkness

unpopular opinion: more interesting than sypha tbh im sorry but he is

song i associate with them: i dont really have any :( but he can share beginning?

favourite picture of them: love the sotn fake grant sprite i really do

and sypha time

favourite thing about them: i think its really cool how she serves as the template for a whole bunch of characters after her :D yoko, charlotte, juste, etc etc, lotsa magic users

least favourite thing about them: very underutilised, for someone whos basically trevors main partner as far as canon goes :( also most of her designs suck

favourite line: "I'm Sypha, the Vampire Hunter." awful translation aside, this implies she might have a reputation that trevor would know of. whats her rep goddamnit

brOTP: sypha & alucard! i think theyd be chill. netflix stay away from me

OTP: trevor/grant/sypha/alucard... and sypha/trevor, obviously

nOTP: yea ive got nothin

random headcanon: her and grant barged into julias cabin very soon after curse of darkness concluded demanding to know where trevor was, and the misunderstandings were glorious

unpopular opinion: shes kind of the least interesting to me of the cviii cast... which isnt actually saying much because shes still really interesting, but just less so than the other three. the cviii-ers have a lot of really interesting vague shit its funny

song i associate with them: none, again :(

favourite picture of them:

and now we get to mr. popular, alucard

favourite thing about them: the existence of the secret boots is peak storytelling lets be real here

least favourite thing about them: as the only person in the world who sees alucard as more of a cviii character than a sotn or sorrow character, i wish we got more content of him with his original gang. that isnt netflix. and includes grant.

favourite line: can i go with an unused line? "Farewell, Father. Believe it or not I shall miss you." if not then uhhhh "I'm interested in this."

brOTP: alucard & sypha all day but tbh. arikado & yoko has such potential. arikado & hammer also

OTP: trevor/grant/sypha/alucard, but also just alucard/trevor

nOTP: i dont care if anyone else ships it but alucard with any belmont other than trevor just does Not do it for me for some reason, also mariacard because i just dont care lmao i prefer the sibling dynamic with richter for her

random headcanon: circa 2035 he just puts his neutron bombs in his sink he doesnt care anymore

unpopular opinion: in my heart he belongs with the cviii idiot group the most

song i associate with them: The Tragic Prince! and for not bgm, I'll Know by Red Vox

favourite picture of them:

aaand finally, unexpected suggestion, draccy boy himself

favourite thing about them: hes so fucking stupid how on earth did he fumble leon belmont of all people THAT HARD

least favourite thing about them: half of his designs are peak and the other half kind of suck ass. case in point what the fuck is the crotch mouth on that one final form

favourite line: "Ah, sarcasm." bitch what the fuck are you on. im pretty sure thats just how alucard talks

brOTP: dracula & death friends till the end

OTP: uhhhhh i have no idea! maybe dracula/tomato juice

nOTP: once again i have no idea aside from the obvious

random headcanon: he had a nintendo switch in the year 1455

unpopular opinion: what the fuck is an unpopular opinion for dracula ermmm i guess that i think that his one form in cviii where hes just a mass of melted heads is really fucking cool

song i associate with them: A Toccata Into Blood Soaked Darkness!! peak dracula theme, sweeps Dance of Illusions tbh. Proof of Blood as well (i love Old Enemy but the wraith isnt really dracula to me)

favourite picture of them:

[languidlotus]

2022 Watchlist

Current Watchlist // 2023 Watchlist // 2021 Watchlist // My Favourites / My Art These are all the dramas I finished in 2022. They might not have been released in 2022, but this is when I watched (and finished) them. Year total: 76 dramas watched. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beware, here be spoilers!!

(Everything is subject to change and just personal opinion. My ratings and opinions don't reflect on the quality of the shows at all. Tastes vary!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dramas I finished in 2022.

(Alphabetical order.) 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us (Thai BL) Final rating: 8/10 This show was painful but beautiful. Painful in that I knew from the very first episode that it wouldn't have a happy ending, but the writing and acting and cinematography were still gorgeous to look at. Wang falling in love was tragic, because it was never going to work out. He was the very image of his father, stuck between his (love for his) mother and (his love for) In. Except where his father was on an even setting with the both of them, he's still seen as a child. Him trying to convince the world that he's not was more of a struggle in this show than him being attracted to a man was. He represented his mother and In's greatest fears and regrets. And as a result he was never going to get what he wanted with In, because In was never going to risk making the same mistakes and destroying someone the way he destroyed himself. Beautiful, but painful. So be careful if you watch this.

21 Days Theory (Thai BL) Final rating: 7/10

A cute show that surprised me. I was expecting it to be, well, worse, but it was actually rather cute and I didn't even hate the side characters. I don't really have strong feelings about it, though, which means it was good enough to have me look back on it fondly, but nothing really stood out to me at the same time.

8.2 Byo no Hosoku / The 8.2 Second Rule  (Japanese BL) Final rating: 6/10 A short little series with a main character who finds himself being the match maker for cute guys but never finds one who likes him. Or does he? It's short and not really much of a BL, but it's cute?

About Youth (Taiwanese BL) Final rating: 7/10 I have to admit that I don't remember much from this show. I remember that I thought it was cute and that I was surprisingly into the secondary pairing, but that's all. I may have to rewatch it at some point to be able to give a better review. Ai Long Nhai (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6/10 Oh boy, this one was messy. The two main actors try their best and do have chemistry, but the storyline was a mess and I left the show feeling confused. I finished it because I felt like I had to, but I wasn't really enjoying it. (And this is coming from someone who actually really liked Tonhon Chonlatee and was excited about this somewhat related show, so my taste is obviously flawed.)

Alchemy of Souls (Season 1) (Korean Drama) Final rating: 8.5/10 I really, really enjoyed this show. It's the perfect mix of other worldly fantasy mixed with adventure and great characters. The two main characters were both interesting, the plot a lot of fun, and I actually looked forward to every new episode. Worth a watch if you're into action/adventure fantasy shows set in a beautiful world.

Bad Buddy (Thai BL)

Final rating: 9.5/10 Bad Buddy is already a classic. Every person who's into BLs at all should watch this one, because it's the perfect example of what a good BL should be. It uses, creates, AND circumvents some staple BL tropes but it does it in a great way. The two main characters are awesome together, the actors have comfortable chemistry, and this show has one of the best first kisses known to man. (Also, the moment when Pat and Pran have a sleep over and talk about whether they have a crush on Ink will forever make me cry. Pran's reaction when he realizes that the guy he likes is into someone else is devastating and played so, so well. Heartbreaking scene.)

Be Loved in House: I Do Final rating: 8/10 I actually really like this show. It has a fun - albeit somewhat silly - plot that makes for some great tension between the two main leads. Their characters are opposites in many ways, but gradually you see that they also have some things in common and compliment each other. They make the other better people. Also, the final confession is great. Behind Cut (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7/10 I feel like this show had a lot of potential and I really enjoyed the first couple of episodes. The tension was there and I liked the contrast between the two main characters, but once they got together I wasn't super into it. I thought the best friend of one of the main characters was actually the best thing about the show. He was fun and tragic and his jealousy made for some entertaining moments.

Big Dragon (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 I feel very conflicted about this show, because on the one hand it didn't give me what I'd initially imagined it would, but on the other hand the chemistry between the two leads was great and the story was still very entertaining. The push and pull of the main couple's relationship was a lot of fun and while I'm not 100% sold on the story, the pairing and chemistry from the actors I'm absolutely behind.

Blueming (Korean BL) Final rating: 8.5/10 I always think back fondly on this show. It's one I've watched more than once, mostly because I like how comfortable the main characters feel and how pretty it's shot. As an artist, I just love looking at pretty shows that make me want to draw and this is one of those. It's cute, well produced, and the actors mesh well together.

Cherry Blossoms After Winter (Korean BL) Final rating: 8/10 Much like Blueming, this show is just gorgeous to look at. It has great use of colours and always has a dreamy atmosphere about it. I'm not usually one for step-brothers kinds of relationships, but I actually really like this one. It adds conflict to everything. Also, the younger character being the tallest and more confident of the two is cute. They're just cute, okay?

Choco Milk Shake (Korean BL) Final rating: 9.5/10 If you'd told me a year ago that one of my favourite shows from 2022 would be one about a cat and dog reincarnated as humans, I'd have told you you were crazy. In fact, initially I wasn't going to watch this because it just sounded too silly for me to suspend my disbelief. But, then I saw it was a Strongberry production and I gave it a shot anyway. And, oh my god, was it charming. Somehow the silly premise works and somehow it ends up both breaking your heart and mending it. The chemistry between both pairings is excellent and I still adore how heartbreaking and beautiful the Uncle/Milk pairing is. I still headcanon about them sometimes. <3

Close Friend Season 2 (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 I actually like this one better than season 1, which is surprising because this involves established relationships instead of the journey getting there. Is it phenomenal? No. Does it showcase how cute Ohm and Fluke can be? Yes. Also, I was very into the second/main pairing that this season introduced, which probably helped make it less 'established relationship'y.

Color Rush Season 1 (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 Color Rush has an amazing premise and is absolutely stunning to look at. The use of colour is both important to the storyline as well as the production and you can tell. The main characters have great chemistry and the story is painful, dark, and colourful all in one.

Color Rush Season 2 (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8/10 Much like the first season, this season is gorgeous and there is a surprisingly interesting plot to it. I was skeptical at first because one of the main characters/actors had been replaced, but it worked well and there is something hauntingly tragic about this relationship where one person has spent a lot of time waiting for the man he loves to return while his new lover must now be terrified of that actually happening. Let's just say, if this ever got a third season I wouldn't be opposed to it. Cupid's Last Wish (Thai BL)

Final rating: 8.5/10 This is my least favourite EarthMix show and it's rated 8.5 out of 10. Can you tell how much I love EarthMix as a pairing? XD It's a bit of a wild story, but I was willing to go along with it for the famous comfortable EarthMix chemistry. (Which is funny considering how volatile those two sometimes are together in real life, lmao.) I wasn't even opposed to the inclusion of the sister. It made everything more tense. 'Is he in love with me or my sister?'

Cutie Pie (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 I'm torn on Cutie Pie. On the one hand it's well made, has a unique storyline, and great chemistry between the characters, but on the other hand it has some toxic 'I'm lying to you and making decisions for you for your own good because I am older and more mature and know better' attitudes that I just can't get behind. If you ignore that then it's a fun show, though.

Dear Doctor, I'm Coming for Soul (Thai BL) Final rating: 7.5/10 I have to admit, at one point I didn't like this show and stopped watching it. It took me months to go back and finish it. In the end, it had me crying. It's a weird kind of 'I like it but I don't' show for me, where I'm not huge on the chemistry of the main couple - mostly because one of the characters is a literal angel of death and he's stiff and otherworldly for most of the series - but the story still makes me cry. A timeless, immortal being having to watch their loved one grow old and die will forever break my heart, okay?

DNA Says Love You (Taiwanese BL)

Final rating: 7/10 This is a show that does a lot of things really well. At the same time, it took me a while to get invested. I think it was the big reveal that cemented it as 'this one is decent' for me. And it does say some meaningful things about what love means and whatnot. It just...didn't do as much for me as some other shows do.

Double (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 6/10 I don't...remember much about this show other than what the basic plot was and that I wanted to like it more than I actually did.

It had everything I like in a show, complete with angst and pining, but I just...didn't feel it? Eien no Kinou / Eternal Yesterday (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 8/10 God, this show hurts. Imagine finally realizing your feelings and maybe having those feelings returned and then suddenly your happiness is taken from you. Only, that person is not actually dead. They're still with you, but everyone forgets about them and they're slowly dying in front of you. I know this sounds super tragic and sad - and it is! - but it's also beautiful, because love and affection are why that person was able to live just a little longer. He was able to show his love, talk about what he felt, and just live while being loved. Even if it was just for a little while, that was beautiful. This show made me so sad and yet I'm glad that I watched it.

Enchanté (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 Oh boy. I know a lot of people aren't hugely into this show and I do agree that the writing could have been stronger. (Also, Theo...my man. Decisions were made. Talking would have sufficed, okay?) However, I actually rather like this silly show. The two main characters are very different, but that's the fun thing about them and there are enough interesting side characters to put these characters in various fun situations. Also, ForceBook just have good chemistry and it makes it enjoyable to watch.

Even Sun (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6/10 Look, this show just has me so mad. BounPrem are better than this. So much better. And the sad thing is, this show being bad has nothing to do with them. I don't know what the writers were on, but...it either was way too much or not enough. What the hell was this? I actually really enjoyed episode one and then after about two or three episodes it just went down the drain. The story made no sense - Prem's character is there to get his money back from Boun's character even though it's apparently the other way around? and legally that somehow works? And then Boun's character basically kidnaps Prem's character even though earlier he was trying his best to get rid of him? - and the side pairing was cute but was so disconnected from the main story that it felt like two different shows. BounPrem deserve better. Honestly. I'm so glad they got Between Us.

Fahlanruk (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6/10 Failanruk, more like. Oh my god, was this show a mess. Like a lot of other shows before it, I was fine and kind of interested after episode one. Not so much after episode three or four. Basically, my headcanons were fun and fascinating. Two playboys hooking up and having a friends with benefits situation before gradually realizing they've fallen for each other and having to navigate a situation - genuine affection and an actual relationship - they've never been in before sounds great. But no, one of the playboys just falls in love after day one for absolutely no reason and the other somehow falls in love too after being hounded and pestered for a while. Why anyone would be at all attracted to Fahlan is beyond me, because he is one of the worst (non-criminal) human beings I've had the pleasure of seeing in a BL. He's rude, obnoxious, toys with his own boyfriend and judges him for cheating when he himself has done nothing but cheat on him, harasses a guy who's made it clear he only wants a one night stand, is an asshole to his friends, and is over the top jealous/possessive of his boyfriend several times. Sherbet can't even give or receive affection from his long time best friend when he's injured without Fahlan being mad. This show drove me crazy!! (The side couple was cute, though.)

First Love Again (Korean BL) Final rating: 7/10 Cute but nothing special. The chemistry is okay, but nothing amazing. The story, however, is cute and the tension between the two characters is believable. Imagine waiting thousands of years for your one true love and then they're nothing like you've expected them to be? And imagine having to live up to the expectations of someone who's been waiting for you for that long? Let's just say, my headcanons were epic.

Fukou-kun wa Kiss Suru Shikanai! /  Unlucky-kun Has No Choice but to Kiss! (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 Is it silly? Yes. Is one of the characters basically using the other for his personal gain? Yes. Is it still cute somehow and worth watching? Also yes.

Ghost Host, Ghost House (Thai BL)

Final rating: 8/10 This show pleasantly surprised me. I figured it'd be a ghost story with some comedy and basic chemistry, but it ended up being kind of heart wrenching with a great main pairing. These two have amazing chemistry and the attraction jumped through the screen. The story itself is also pretty good and interesting. If you're not watching for the chemistry between the main leads, then watch it for that. (It's not as scary as it promises to be, btw. The ghosts are generally good people.)

Hard Love Mission (Thai BL)

Final rating: 5.5 Look, I liked the actor playing Yoshi. He tried his best and was cute. That's about it. I can't even headcanon with this show because everything was just...lackluster or downright terrible. Ridiculous plot with sudden villains and next to no chemistry between the main pairing. I liked one actor and that was it. Sorry.

Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai /  I Want to See Only You (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 7/10 Very cute show with pretty cinematography. It's short, which is both its advantage and disadvantage. Things aren't hugely fleshed out, but it's sweet and relatable and feels like your first (summer) love. Like the first time you looked at someone and felt butterflies.

KinnPorsche (Thai BL)

Final rating: 10/10 I might as well just link this post where I talked about it.

Kissable Lips (Korean BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10 This just wasn't my show. All the things I liked - the chemistry between the characters and the two main actors' performances - I got (and better) in the second show they did together. Vampires just aren't my thing, I guess.

Love Class (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8/10 I could have done without the main character's obnoxious friend, but other than that this show was fun and I'll probably give it a rewatch soon.

Love in the Air (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 This show is...questionable. Both relationships have fairly toxic beginnings - one starts out through subterfuge and repeatedly ignoring 'no' while the other is just built on not taking no for an answer - but do end up with clearly mutual attraction. If you can ignore the part where both of the older characters completely refuse to take their future boyfriend's word at face value, it does end up quite cute and with some very nice, steamy scenes. I just...had a hard time doing that. The rating is based purely on the chemistry between the actors and not at all on the story being told or the characters.

Love Like the Galaxy: Part 1 & Love Like the Galaxy: Part 2 (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 7.0/10 & 7.5/10

I was super excited about this show when I first started watching it, because it has my probably favourite actress - Zhao LuSi - in it with an actor whom I really enjoyed in The Long Ballad. And the storyline did seem very promising going in. However, I sadly didn't end up liking it as much as I thought I would. The main female character is fun, but at times she's also a total bitch and gets away with way too much. (All the important, good characters immediately love her even though she's everything a girl in those times would be expected not to be.) And the male character is just...boring. He isn't even near her for huge parts of the story and their chemistry disappointed me. I thought she matched much better with the actor playing Luo Yao. (Whose character I also liked better. He seemed a much better match.) So, yeah, fun show but not as good as I expected it to be.

Love Mechanics (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 This is another show that has a toxic relationship as the main focus. However, the difference is that it being toxic is part of the story. We know that Vee is an asshole to both Mark and his girlfriend. (Of course, his girlfriend also ends up cheating on him to offset this. Convenient!) That's something he has to work on throughout the series to eventually win Mark over. Had I been Mark I would have dumped his ass ages ago, though. The chemistry between the two leads is obvious and carries most of the show.

Love Stage!! (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10

A cute story, but there's not really much to it. Both leads are very pretty, though, and they did have decent chemistry once things actually started happening. Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 9/10 Look, as a grown up and a teacher do I approve of student/teacher relationships where one is a grown ass man and the other a teenager? Absolutely not. Does this show tell a great story and did I enjoy it? Yup. Because it's a fictional story, I was able to get over that and ended up really enjoying the tension and angst and the eventual happy ending. But had this been real life...no way in hell.

Mirror: A Tale of Twin Cities (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 8/10 It's been a while since I saw this show, but from what I remember I was really into it while watching it and for a few months after. The main female lead is a lot of fun and not as obnoxious as a lot of cdrama leads tend to be. Fun, action filled, pretty to look at show with good actors and great characters.

My Only 12% (Thai BL)

Final rating: 9.5/10 This show was made for me. Had the characters been a bit older and not teenagers, this would have been 10/10. Best friends who eventually realize - through a bunch of angsty, painful, beautiful episodes - that they love each other is my aphrodisiac. I love that shit. This show actually made me cry both sad and happy tears. It's comfortable, loving, gorgeous, painful, and heartwarming all at once. Earth and Santa work so, so well together and I actually liked them a lot more than I thought I would.

My Ride (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 This is one of those shows that I kind of didn't care for the first time I watched it, but then liked it a whole lot more the second time around. It has a very likeable main character and the other main character actually being into someone else for the longest time was rather interesting. Plus, older queer character representation!!

My Secret Love (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10

This show is a little messy and the plotline goes back and forth a little, but it is cute and it has some great secondary pairings. I was especially into Tim/Mai for the longest time - they took the longest to develop and had the most angst, okay, I'm a sucker for that - and still have active headcanons for those two.

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwanese BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 This is a really good show. I don't have it rated that high because I didn't completely feel the main pairing, but that doesn't take away from that it's a good show and there is a lot of chemistry. Also, like many shows the secondary pairing was fascinating and I wish it'd gotten more of a conclusion.

Not Me (Thai BL)

Final rating: 8.5/10 Not Me has become a BL staple and rightly so. It's a very good story with some amazing characters and it deserves to be considered one of the best and most popular BLs in recent years. And Gun deserves so many accolades for how distinct the two characters he plays are. The only reason that it's not rated higher for me is that I was one of the few people who wasn't hugely into the secondary pairing.

Ocean Likes Me (Korean BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10 Was it cute? Sure. Did I feel the chemistry? Not really. I love Holland and really liked his co-star in other shows I've watched, but I wasn't 100% convinced on this one. I also thought the storyline was on the weak side. Pretty shots of the sea (Ocean?), though!

Oh! Boarding House (Korean BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10 I may have to rewatch this show, because I only have vague memories of it. To the point where I sometimes come across videos on youtube that have characters from it in them and go 'oh, hey, that show seems interesting. how have I never seen that be- wait, it's oh boarding house...'

Oh! My Assistant (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 A little weird, but cute. One of the main characters has the personality of a houseplant, but I think that's kind of the point? He's still very pretty, I guess. It's short but sweet.

Oh! My Sunshine Night (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 This show broke me. It had so, so much potential and I was so invested in it for about half of the show and then it turned into murder plots and helicopters and completely abandoned what it had initially been about. Look, this show was supposed to be about Ohm and Fluke being tragic and sad because Fluke's characters had a heart condition, but in the end his heart problems didn't even matter to the story at all. I was so mad at the end, because I'd been so excited about everything - especially the secondary pairing - but everything they'd set up got thrown aside for literal murder and subterfuge. The rating is purely for the side pairing and the potential the show had. If you can ignore the last bunch of episodes and just headcanon what a normal show would have done, you're good.

Old Fashion Cupcake (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 10/10 One of the few shows that I've given 10/10 to. As an older queer person, this show resonated with me a lot. It's about older people realizing they are still able to fall in love and discover things about themselves. Alongside that it's a beautiful, aesthetically pleasing tale of cupcakes and adoration. It takes short but sweet to an entirely new level. Please watch it. (Also, Togawa is unreasonably pretty.)

Paint with Love (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 I actually really liked the main pairing. They were different, but that made them fun. It's also really funny that I watched this before I knew who most of these actors were. Looking back I'm going 'wait, Tae? Yoon? YACHT??!' It's also kind of an office romance show, which is currently all the rage. Ahead of its time, I suppose.

Plus & Minus (Taiwanese BL)

Final rating: 8/10 The kind of suffering and pining that LiGong does throughout most of this show is exactly the kind of thing I live for. Like I've said several times before, best friends who come to realizations is my jam and one of them pining for the other for decades is right up my alley. My interest kind of tapered off towards the end and the secondary pairing was a little weak - Yuki is pretty but... - but it's still a really good show.

Roommates of Poongduck 304 (Korean BL) Final rating: 9/10

This is what happens when you give the Kissable Lips boys a better story and it's a blessing. The tension between the two main characters is fun, the arguing amusing, and the chemistry is just undeniable.

JiWoong and SeoBin are so good together and I'm trying very hard to be happy for JiWoong and not sad that we'll deprived of this pairing now for a long time if not forever.

Secret Crush on You (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 SCOY is a bit of an acquired taste. It took me two tries to get past the first few episodes - look, I'm not into people falling for their creepy stalkers and Toh breaks a lot of boundaries that never should have been broken - but once you get into the meat of it it's a charming show with amazing chemistry between the pairings. Nuea/Toh is one of the few pairings that actually feel like they'd bone in public if common decency wasn't an issue. I think it's the sounds and the grinding, to be honest. Also, Sky is a green flag kind of character before that kind of thing was cool. Sky/Jao forever.

Semantic Error (Korean BL)

Final rating: 10/10 One of my 10/10 BLs. Even if you've only seen a few BLs I'm sure you've come across this one. It was even famous in non-BL circles in Korea and it made both of the actors verified superstars. The story is one of contrasting personalities clashing until they eventually realize that they actually work really well together. It's blue versus red. Reason versus emotion. Calmness versus passion. Just watch it. You won't regret it.

Senpai, Danjite Koidewa! / Senpai, I'm in Love! (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 7/10

Not my favourite Japanese BL, but that doesn't mean it's not good. It's an office drama and very cute. It takes a while to show the chemistry between the two leads, but once it does it's pretty good. And the main character is just adorable.

Shining Just for You (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 7/10 I watched this solely for Peng Xiao Ran, whom I loved in Goodbye My Princess. She's great in this too! I'm not hugely sold on the male lead, but the story and Xiao Ran's performance are good enough to have made it an enjoyable watch regardless. It has some similarities to GMP actually, as it starts out in similar settings. Not nearly as heartbreaking, though!

Sword Snow Stride (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 8.5/10 This show had such a pretty first episode that I ended up drawing three watercolour pieces for it before I even hit episode three. I knew Zhang Ruo Yun from several previous shows, so I knew he'd be good and I thought the story overall was a lot of fun and was super pretty to watch. Some of the characters - especially the female ones - were badass. I thought the romance aspect was weak, though.

Something in My Room (Thai BL)

Final rating: 8.5/10 When I watched this it was mere months before watching an influx of ghost related shows and this still remains one of the better ones. It's interesting, the characters work well together, and parts of it were painful. I like my shows to hurt a little sometimes.

Star and Sky: Sky in Your Heart (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 This show was always going to have a tough time ending up as one of my faves because it reminded me too much of A Tale of Thousand Stars and it was never going to beat that. So, it started out on the back foot. However, much like ATOTS it did have beautiful scenery and I wasn't averse to the story being told. Very similar, but still cute. I'd be interested to see if this pairing could do well with a different setting.

Star and Sky: Star in My Mind (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 Much like the other Star and Sky episode, this show was fighting immense odds. School related shows are plenty and some have been way better made than this one. However, I don't dislike it as much as some people seem to do and actually think the main pairing is very cute together. Frustrating sometimes, but cute. Also, after watching their Our Skyy 2 episode I now need Typhoon/Maitee to happen.

Takara-kun to Amagi-kun (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 8.5/10

This is such a soft, pure show. It just exudes first love.

It's very pretty to look at at times and the characters are just adorable together. The ice prince who's been crushing on the innocent dork has kind of become a BL staple, but it works so well here. It's just cute, okay, much like My School President is cute. And soft. And adorable.

The Autumn Ballad (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 7.5/10

I don't remember much about this show, which is surprising to me because it has two of my favourite male actors in it. I do remember it was pretty and that the two leads were entertaining together, but other than that...?

The Blue Whisper: Part 1 & The Blue Whisper: Part 2 (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 8.5/10 & 8.5/10

Any show that has Dilraba in it is guaranteed to do well. That's just a given. This show is no exception. It has some amazing worldbuilding and a great, powerful main character with equally great supporting characters. Hell, one of them even circumvents the 'rival turns evil' trope and makes actual, sensible decisions. Good on you, Hao Qing! Very pretty show that will make you root for the main pairing. Might seem long due to two seasons, but at 42 episodes combined that's less than your average (single season) cdrama. The Eclipse (Thai BL)

Final rating: 8.5/10

The Eclipse is one of the most popular BLs released recently and proved First/Khaotung to be an excellent pairing. And it's deserved, because the show is great and the two actors have a lot of fun chemistry. My only gripe with this show is the ending. Having the perpetrators all be queer characters while the story is supposed to be about how oppressive regimes/governments/etc are and how they hurt those very same people just doesn't sit right with me. Like, all the people responsible for the curse were gay. And they were oppressing the out queer characters and putting them in actual danger. Really? That's what we're going with? The Love of Winter (Thai BL)

Final rating: 5.5/10 I...remember nothing about this show. Which makes sense, as it's only 2 episodes. Whoops? The Tuxedo (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10 I know a lot of people dislike this show, but I didn't think it was actually that bad. Okay, I didn't give it a high rating, but it had a unique concept and I actually liked the way the characters developed. (And this is coming from someone who loathes 'he got better through the power of love' scenarios.) Not earth shattering, but still cute. Till the World Ends (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10

Just...not really my show. The storyline was all over the place and one of the main characters was just completely unlikable for most of it. Like, actively lying to his love interest, whom he pretty much got killed. And that's not even including the time he hit him over the head so hard that he ended up with amnesia. I like Art as an actor, though?

To My Star Season 2: Our Untold Stories (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8/10 It's like this show knows that I don't enjoy established relationships, so they broke them up and went through the pain of bringing them (back) together all over again. And I loved it. Was it painful and tragic and frustrating? Yes. But that's what I loved about it. Because in the end they suffered through all of that because they need each other.

To Sir, With Love (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 I have a weird relationship with this show, because on the one hand I love the relationship Tian and Jiu and I loved Tian's brother, but apart from that I had absolutely no interest in the storyline or the other characters. Like, it wasn't fun to me somehow and so I spent half of the series just fastforwarding to the good bits. And, no, that did not include magic mushrooms. I know a lot of people loved it, though, and I can see why. It just...wasn't for me. Only that amazing relationship. Hell, those amazing relationships because the love between Tian and his brother was just as deep and important. Triage (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 My issue with Triage isn't that it's not a good show with an original plot and good acting, because it's all of those things and I did really enjoy it, but that I didn't think the chemistry - which is there plenty, don't get me wrong - is realistic when it comes to two characters who basically meet for the first time every single day. At least from Tol's point of view the first time around and then the doctor the second. And initially Dr. Tin falls for someone who only ever gets introduced to him and has only known him for a day, basically. Like, how do you fall in love with someone who doesn't know you at all? Who will treat you like a stranger every time you meet him? My brain just...wasn't dealing with that. Still a really good show, though! Unforgotten Night (Thai BL) Final rating: 5/10 Oh, Unforgotten Night... What a mess you were. Supposedly dark and gritty, but in reality just silly and repetitive and throwing away any and all potential. I like Yoon, but I don't think he was right for this. Though I do think he and Ton work well together. The only thing I was really interested in at the end of this show was the relationship between the bodyguard and Baiboom. Which, in true tragic BL fashion, they did nothing with and it had no resolution. Truly cursed. Vice Versa (Thai BL) Final rating: 7.5/10 A really good show with an interesting premise and great main characters. I don't know, it's just a good show. It doesn't really hit my favourite tropes - there could have been more angst about not knowing what the other looks like, etc - and I still don't get why Puen didn't tell Talay who he was, but still a really good show.

War of Y (Thai BL) Final rating: 6.5/10 This show is tricky, because it was basically a collections of shows. Some I was really invested in - well, one, maybe two, I was really invested in - and the others I just...watched because I could. Billy and Seng have such amazing chemistry that I enjoyed the first one quite a bit, but after that it got to be less and less. It also became repetitive. Everything was about 'this thing bad for everyone involved, but the love is real guys!' (Not to mention the contradiction of making a show about how the very shows they're creating are bad and shouldn't be supported while wanting fans to support you.) So, yeah, this show is weird to judge. What Zabb Man! (Thai BL) Final rating: 6.5/10 One of those shows where I find nothing really wrong with it, but I also wasn't invested in it. I was most into the side couple, honestly. I'd like to see those two in more shows together. Who Rules the World (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 9/10 Look, if you put Zhao LuSi in a show I will watch it and if you add YangYang, an amazing story, and an equally amazing world to it? With a badass main female character? Then I'm sold regardless of what happens. This is one of those shows I'd recommend because it's just so much fun and has some great characters with a compelling, entertaining story. Why You… Y Me? (Thai BL) Final rating: 7/10 I primarily watched this because there was such an uproar about Shogun and Maito on tumblr and I get why. I do. They're cute. But in the end my angsty brain just felt bad for Green. Idk, I'm weird. You're My Sky (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 I've seen people talk bad about this show, but I don't really get it. Yes, it's not ground breaking and there is some repetitiveness in the issues they deal with, but overall it had three pairings that I really enjoyed and that were different enough to keep things interesting. It was cute.

[akicult]

an anon asked for relationship hcs, so here you go <3

random levi headcanons

ft: levi ackerman, hange zoë

cw: fluff, levi’s smitten hehe, brief mentions of alcohol, hange being levi’s bsf, idk

—

- he’s always cold. everytime you lean into him to cuddle, you always shiver because of how cold he is.

- he’s protective over you. very. he doesn’t want to lose you, and often he fears one day he could.

- he’s not a social media fan, but he made accounts just to follow you and like your posts. you’re literally his only follower. he doesn’t even have a proper username or profile picture.

- for some reason, i don’t know why, but i feel like levi would love blueberries. like, he’s just always eating them.

- if you call him, he’s immediately answering the phone. longest it ever took was three rings.

- never, ever drinks. except for one time and he got super drunk after only having a couple drinks. such a lightweight.

- if you thought levi sober was clingy, oh boy. he literally couldn’t let go of your hand.

- he’s not super affectionate, though. you’re usually the one to kiss him first. but if you havent kissed him in a while he’ll slowly grow more upset & impatient.

- however, he will compliment you. even if he’s a little shy about it.

- “you look really nice.” basically translates to “you are absolutely gorgeous i can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you” in less words.

- you know what he really means.

- you always say i love you, in which he usually responds with a hum and a nod or a quiet “me too.”he just doesn’t usually express how much he loves you in so many words.

- how he does express his i love you’s;

- he makes you dinner every night. he’s a really good cook.

- always waits for you to finish showering before he flushes the toilet <3

- does your laundry & always makes the bed when you wake up.

- buys your favorite foods from the grocery store without even double checking.

- stays quiet if you end up taking all of the sheets when sleeping. it’s fine, he can use a pillowcase.

- listens to you rant even if your story is confusing and all over the place.

- let’s you watch whatever you want on tv, even if he finds it boring and asinine.

- he’s very gentle when he’s with you. he feels that if he’s too rough, he might end up hurting you. which is the last thing he’d ever want to do.

- loves giving you massages. if you look like you’re even in mild pain, he’ll always ask if he can rub your shoulders or something.

- not big on physical contact, but there’s nothing he loves more than your hugs. especially when you just come up to him and hug him.

- he loves that you already know how he’s feeling. the slightest change in his body language and you just know something’s off. even if he isn’t trying to send that message. the fact that you just know makes him happy.

- you like messing with him sometimes. like, if you’re just texting each other something so casual, even boring, you’ll just send him a nude mid conversation.

- he’ll just stare blankly at his phone for a second thinking about why tf u did that. then he’ll probably heart the photo & continue the conversation as normal.

- he would totally have a folder of your nudes tho if he knew how to do that LMFAOO

- the only time he ever uses his phone honestly to just interact with you. that’s it. his call list just consists of you, you, you, hange, you, you.

- hange calls to annoy him obviously.

- speaking of which, hange absolutely adores you. every single time they call levi, they’re going to ask to say hi to you at some point.

- hange always asked for your help in experiments.

- levi doesn’t like being controlling, but he hates when you help hange. he’s always anxious something is going to go wrong, but he’ll never tell you that.

- he has complained to hange about it though.

- “moblit is your assistant, why can’t he help you?”

- he made hange promise they would never put you in real danger. he’s scary when he’s serious, obviously hange said yes.

- better kiss him goodbye before you leave, or else he’s going to be a nervous wreck until you get home.

—

[starkerhead]

NO WAY HOME IS SO GOOD

No Way Home spoilers below

No Way Home spoilers below

No Way Home spoilers below

This movie is perfect. There is absolutely nothing that I would change.

(I mean except for the fact that if I was Peter I would’ve already clarified all the people I wanted to be excluded from the spell beforehand so none of that would’ve happened, but then we’d have no movie now would we)

All the villains? The SPIDEYS?? I mean Tobey and Andrew were perfect. I love how they mentioned how Tobey’s webs just come out of his wrists (And Tom asking “does it shoot from… anywhere else?” WHERE EXACTLY ARE YOU THINKING OF PETE??) I was so satisfied from seeing everyone I wanted to see included *chef’s kiss* (Matt Murdock is precious “i’m just a really good lawyer.” ) (Ned being worried about turning evil and trying to kill Peter is just. So funny)

Andrew being the one to catch MJ 🥺 MY HEART

And also obviously Aunt May but we don’t talk about that. I understand it was necessarily for the plot but no that didn’t happen <3

The ENDING oh god, it’s like a Christmas romcom. MJ’s memory was wiped so Peter can only pine from afar, it’s so tragic and I can’t even imagine how lonely he must be now that literally no one knows who he is. I’m sure he’ll go to MIT and get to know MJ and Ned again in an “organic” way but I just. What if MJ’s memory of Peter slowly recovers from seeing the flower necklace and everthing???

Now let’s talk about the END CREDITS.

the goo Eddie left behind? My guess is that Peter’s gonna step in it and the symbiote will fuse with his suit like in Spectacular Spider-Man, that would be SO cool. I just want Spidey and Venom interactions, is that too much to ask???

The second end credit scene? Is that evil Strange from the What If universe? I totally wanna see all the weird creatures that he absorbed in their live-action form. I guess he’s not stuck in that little pocket dimension anymore (don’t know too much about these characters so I don’t have much else to say)

But ANYWAY, to conclude, I am very happy. (It might even be better than Into the Spiderverse? 👀)

[panlight]

What do you think about the Amazon coven? How the books versus the movies presented then, their actions, etc.? Do you think they were necessary for the story and how things went down? What do you think they do besides hunt and talk to each other in the Patanals?

I think the Amazons are one of the most egregious examples of SM's "suburban white lady" ideas of diversity and inclusion. Like, "oh, all these international vampires! I'll have them from all over the world [except Asia?] and all different colors!" and then just . . . having very stereotypical ideas about what Indigenous people from South America are like, or what Egyptian people or even Irish people are like. It shows up with the Quileute characters too. She said in an interview that she had always been fascinated by native cultures and the whole co-opting one and re-writing their history and legends to fit your own two-white-people-happily-ever-after totally fits that vibe. I'm not one of those people who thinks she disliked Jacob and made him "bad" so Edward would look better; I think she DOES like Jacob and was totally oblivious to her own negative biases and stereotypes she reinforced (animalistic natives, aggressive brown men with white women, etc) and thought making him kiss Bella and all that was making him a BETTER rival, more intense, ~fighting for love~ rather than being the sweet, gentle friend.

The way she wrote the Amazons as being wild and the least human of all and Bella being scared of them comes off pretty racist when they are also described as having darker skin (well, that "olive toned pallor" which is a whole other racist thing to unpack), whereas the Irish vampires aren't described that way, and even the Romanians, who she says are creepy and very old, are not described as "uncivilized." I think her intention was "yay! International, not-all-white vampires!" but she's showing a lot of her biases here and it's not . . . good. Amun is about as old as the Amazons but isn't described as being wild and fierce. Bella's not viscerally scared of him.

All that out of the way, I do like the idea of them in theory, but it obviously could/should have been handled better. I don't think they were really necessary though. Zafrina's gift doesn't really end up making a difference (it's all Bella's shield!!!!!) and Kate could have trained her alone. I guess Nessie and Zafrina's bond is kind of cute but since I just have an emotional wall about Nessie I didn't care about it.

I think the movies made a mistake leaving out Kachiri, since she was supposed to be helping Alice find Nahuel, and while it's always going to be a deus ex machina that Alice finds the person she can't see and returns with him just in time to save the day, it made a little more sense with Kachiri who knows the area and maybe could have crossed paths with Nahuel and Hulien or their scents in the past. Plus the three of the Amazons are so devoted to each other it felt unfair to leave one of them out.

I honestly don't think SM gave any thought to what they do all day to pass the time; I mean her vampire royalty (the Romanians and Volturi) literally have partially petrified from sitting on thrones doing absolutely nothing for so long, so she doesn't put a lot of effort into what these characters do when they are off screen. But I like to think the three of them are a throuple and have been happily in love for centuries. They explore nature, scare away and/or eat poachers and people coming to chop down the rainforest, etc, make each other laugh, sing, play with and style each other's hair, make clothes and jewelry, inspire local legends about beautiful, kind spirits and/or vengeful monsters. Just living their best unlives.

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

some soft!bakugou brainrot for the soul:

-he likes when you greet him in the morning. will absolutely roll his eyes and say sum “jesus, idiot, it’s too fuckin’ early for pathetic enthusiam like that” but will also simultaneously get pouty if u dont say hi to him first

-very much a quiet boy when it’s late at night. will just sit back with his eyes half-lidded and head in his hands, giving a little “mhm” to everything you say. you think he’s not listening but when you don’t finish a thought he will, without missing a beat go “the hell? really? gonna talk that much and then not even finish the story?”

-will cook meals that you like but will insist that he likes them too. bakugou is 100% trying to convince you that he made it for himself but the entire extra portion with your favorite toppings implies the opposite

-pays attention to what you’re doing in training, and will not outright tell you if you’re doing well,, but when ur alone he’ll just sorta “you looked less pathetic than last time, dumbass” with a slight smirk as he brushes past you

-likes to bicker,, i mean come on, obviously, but what i mean is that he just looks so weirdly happy when u yell at him (def goes heart eyes but literally do not say a word about it pls)

-goes very soft for hand massages,,, just like, ground ur thumb into the heel of his hand and rub at his knuckles. man’s will melt into wherever he’s sitting and close his eyes

-will absolutely bite your head off if you’re reckless, but then spend the rest of his time trying to think of ways to avoid u ever being in that much danger again

-remembers places you’ve been together very clearly. so like, if y’all wanna revisit some restaurant, bakugou is leading the way and ur just like “??? that was 6 months ago how do u know where you’re going” ,, n he just scoffs and “because i’m the best. now shut up and pay attention we’re about to cross the street”

-is very soft about u wearing his clothes but only when no one else is around to see it. idk contrary to popular belief i actually see him being very flustered by the sight of u in his clothes. so he won’t let u wear anything around others rlly, but when it’s just him??? poor bby is so soft for it. like, v much hiding his red face in your neck and just breathing u in type of soft

-has a specific blanket that he keeps for when u hang out. eventually it starts to smell like you, bc obviously, n he’ll cuddle up with it when you can’t be with him

-adores when you sing to him. 100% doesn’t matter if you’re good or not,, bakugou just likes that you don’t do it in front of anyone else

-likes when you get needlessly angry with him. idk how to explain it,, but just like, if he’s bitching at one of his friends and you back him up, purely bc u like the chaos, bakugou will be totally 🥰 over it. only after he’s done yelling tho

-mans has a thing for praise. he does. we been knew. but he rlly has an even bigger thing for mundane praise, like rlly small things like, “wow your handwriting is so neat” or “omg your room is so clean! you’re so organized!”,,, jus tiny stuff in passing that let’s him kno he’s doing good

-will absolutely not admit it but he 100% prays for lint on his uniform so you’ll brush it off for him. it’s like, a tiny little touch, just enough to sate him, but not so much that it feels like embarrassing pda

-is a sucker for someone he can just sit in silence with. like idk, if y’all noticed it, but he literally has like, nothing to say when he’s not bitching, so if he’s not angry he’ll just be quiet. if u can be quiet with him, in the same space but not talking, bakugou is a very happy boy about it

-he likes to know things about you no one else does,, so if u tell him anything in confidence, literally anything, he’ll keep it secret. 100% every time, no exceptions, will never spill a single detail even if someone is begging him to

-probably demands that u say u love him multiple times before y’all go to sleep. its the only affection he outright asks for so u give in every time

-shares whatever he has with u. just wordlessly will hand u a piece of whatever he’s eating. doesn’t warn u if it’s spicy tho,, bc he’s still a little shit

-sort of just follows you wherever you’re going. like, if u tell him u want to be alone he’ll leave, but otherwise he just kinda assumes he’s meant to follow. most times he’s right

-he is 100% the type to know something is wrong without u having to say it. he prob knows exactly what it is too. lmao like, sure, he’s still totally clueless on how to approach/support you but bakugou is the furthest thing from dumb. he knows,, he just does.

-gets super protective about your things. like, god forbid somebody try to write anything in ur notebook while you’re not paying attention,, bakugou’ll threaten them before their pen even touches the paper

-he likes to tend to your injuries. like, even the rlly minor ones. like, let’s say u get a papercut??? pls mans is grabbing your finger, running it under water, and wrapping a bandaid around it before u even register it. he’ll grumble the whole time like “jesus, dumbass, can’t believe i have to do this.” but rlly he enjoys doing it bc it makes him feel important. like maybe he’s someone heroic to u

-if no one else is around, and there’s a lot of trust established, he’ll prob do whatever u tell him to. now ofc there’s gonna be a lot of complaining, bc it’s bakugou, but he’ll do it

-is a big fan of when you tell him he’s your favorite. pls the man is so see-through ahaha,, u could be like “omg! bakugou! you took out the trash without me asking?? that’s why you’re my favorite!” n all he walks away hearing is “they think im the best. i fucking am the best.”

-he likes to watch you do mundane things. like rlly little, every-day things like brushing your hair or tying your shoes. idk he just thinks your methodical movements are weirdly calming

-is a sucker for forehead kisses. like obvi, only when y’all are alone, but like, press a kiss to his hairline?? suddenly it’s rip angry bakugou, soft bakugou hrs only

-doesn’t rlly initiate touch that much,, but when he does mans is extremely petulant about it. like, if u decide u have something more pressing than him, bakugou is almost immeadiately going “that’s fucking stupid. what you’re doing. you should stop.” n then he’s just poking and prodding and needling at u until u fall into his arms

-shadows you at social gatherings. very guard-dog like from an outsider perspective, but rlly it’s just bc when katsuki says he doesn’t like anyone else, he means it. he’s sticking by you bc you truly are the only one he tolerates

-he secretly rlly likes when u fuss over him. like, when u ask him if he’s sore from training or if he has any injuries. bakugou will brush u off like the absolute bitch that he is, but secretly he’ll be so warm about it. he just likes that u care enough to ask

-he tries very hard to be gentle for u. ofc it pretty much never works bc it’s him, but he’ll still forever be reading romance manga n going “yeah, i bet they’d like that. gonna it do it way better though. im the fucking best, i can do it.”

ahahaaha me?? a bunch of bakugou thoughts?? never, idk what ur on about

[yjwhatif]

With the semi/cryptic confirmation of Ed and Barts relationship in the series I have a question:

Do you think everyone knows about them (in world) or do you think they’re keeping it secret from some?

It’s just a thought that’s been in my head recently. It is most likely fuelled by the whole drama of G&B not being able to depict a “specific character” (it’s definitely Bart) as gay. They’ve had to hide the relationship from their audience - because of ridiculous reasons - but there are still moments that bring up the question - Are they? Before the reveals from AskGreg, I kinda thought- well they are clearly not together yet, but perhaps they both have feelings for one another and are just waiting for the other to make the next move because they’re nervous idiots who don’t want to have read the situation wrong — all while their friends are like - seriously guys? just get together already. Kinda like they did in s1 with Wally and Artemis - and I guess early Supermartian as well - which I would have been okay with... though with the likelihood of there being at least another two year time skip you’d probably have missed the getting together moment - which would kinda suck. Anyway. With the information about the chances being they were supposed to clearly be in a relationship throughout S3 — which makes the whole structuring of ILLUSIONS just make sense — it’s got me viewing their moments with a whole new energy. Also, I saw this post by Greg —

And let me just clarify, I have no idea if this is actually referencing the Ed and Bart stuff, it might not be (probably isn't). This is purely me speculating.

My reading of this is they got told they couldn’t depict Bart as gay pretty late on and that specifically affected ILLUSIONS where they likely intended to confirm the relationship with that first shot - the kiss on the cheek moment. Even now that moment is just odd - because it’s there but it’s not - because technically there is no actual kiss… which I think is absolutely the point. It plants the seed without actually breaking any rules - all by keeping the momentum but removing the specific kiss frame. It’s the only moment that I feel is explicit in saying they are in a relationship - everything else you can just read into and imply there’s something - but they technically don’t confirm anything.

The whole thing is actually quite interesting - despite the reasoning for it being totally ridiculous. By keeping/showing what they did... People notice it. People talk about it. People reflect on it. More people talk about it. People writing. Make. Create. Discuss it. An entire audience is formed who want and support it. It’s a whole thing now because people noticed it and generated a positive response to it - and that was before all the AskGreg information. The whole reason YJ got a season 3 is because the fans fought to get it back. Enough people talked about it - and kept talking about it - to convince TPTB that the show should come back. Greg and Brandon know this. They know the power the fans have and maybe they hoped that power would help them again in freeing Bart from these ridiculous restrictions. #letbartoutofthecloset

Obviously, we can't know until S4 is released whether G&B got the permission to confirm Bart's sexuality the way they envisioned - but maybe the responses that came during the release of 3b were enough to convince TPTB that they were fighting a losing battle. But who knows, people in power can be very stubborn at times, so we will just have to see what we get. Fingers crossed they eased up though - and not just because of the Ed/Bart relationship (which I am obviously a fan of -- it's fine if not everyone is) - but because these restrictions on LGBTQ+ content shouldn't be a thing and need to stop -- there is just no validity in them.

Anyhow. despite their not being allowed to officially confirm the relationship, Greg's comment about Ed's having a boyfriend they can't name basically confirms the fact without technically breaking any rules again. Masterfully done Wiesman. With this, it implies the pair are in fact dating during S3 which brings us back to the original question... but who knows??

With the comments of Virgil during ILLUSIONS, it's easy to assume their friends do in fact know. They also seem to have no problem being close and interacting with one another whilst in the presence of others -- that is, except for one moment...

Ever since the first time I saw this episode (ELDER WISDOM) I have always found this moment strange - because Ed seems to get kinda awkward when Barry comes to check on Bart. (Or that's how I see it at least.) He realises Flash is standing there and immediately pulls his head down averting his gaze -- almost like he doesn't want to be seen by the elder. But why? Does Barry not know about the pair -- or maybe he doesn't know about Bart and Ed thinks their current closeness is too revealing -- who's to say Bart's even fully out to the world yet -- who's to say either of them are? We certainly don't since we weren't allowed to be shown. We can't know until we know - so until then we can play the speculation game while we wait.

Bart is certainly a bit of a secret keeper when it comes to being himself. I'm still convinced the Bart we see onscreen is merely his interpretation of what he thinks people expect from a speedster in this time. We saw 'real' Bart, he was snarky and cynical and nothing like the Bart we've had for the past two seasons. He said it himself - he's playing a character - and I don't think he knows how to break out of it - not while the possibility exists that it might hurt those he's grown to care about. Bart wants to be seen a certain way to avoid acknowledging the truth of the past - if people see him as happy and smiley, then no one will question him on things he doesn't want to talk about. The problem with that is you can't hide yourself forever - cracks begin to form and eventually, the truth comes out whether you want it to or not. So who knows how comfortable Bart is revealing any of his true self to those he cares about. Maybe his relationship with Ed will be the thing that finally helps him find comfort in being himself, whilst also trusting others to still accept him as himself... and maybe getting him that bit of therapy he really needs.

This brings us to Eduardo… First, can I just say it made me so happy to see Greg’s confirmation of Ed being gay - though it is slightly annoying that he was robbed of his explicit onscreen reveal in S3 thanks to the drama with Bart. His whole relationship to his powers in S2 to S3 fits the representation of coming to terms with your sexuality/identity from a very negative point of view. Feeling like it’s something that needs fixing or needs to be “cured” - to then finding the light and freedom in accepting yourself for you. His growth between seasons is brilliant. He understands the hate and insecurity the teens are feeling because he felt it himself. He does all he can to help them because he never felt he got that help when he needed it - and no one deserves to feel worse for being who they are. Obviously, the things he talks about are framed in the context of dealing with/accepting the meta-gene - yet there are certain moments where it seems he’s saying more than that…

All of which got me wondering - why did Ed originally runaway? It certainly wasn’t because of the meta-abilities he did not yet have. All he’s ever said on the subject was he thought he wanted to be with his father - the man it seems he barely had a relationship with. No, I think Ed has been running from himself for a long time and his dad just happened to be an actual direction for him to aim for. The way he speaks about his wanting to be “cured” and “praying to get rid of his powers” suggests an upbringing around religion and traditional ideas of there being a ‘normal/proper’ way to be — while anything that doesn’t fit that way is treated as other or something that needs to be changed or 'fixed'. Maybe he ran to avoid being found out and run the risk of being ostracised by those he loved. Or maybe he was found out and leaving wasn’t entirely his choice*. If this was the case, I can certainly imagine him not wanting to come out to his dad for fear of his reaction and completely losing all chance of that father-son relationship they’re both trying so hard to keep. It can seem easier to live in secret than risk the reality of loss. So while the meta-gene likely wasn’t the main thing he was angry about in S2, it was able to become a physical thing he could blame and focus his anger on - without having to think about where his issues truly lied… Though with a bit of time it also became the thing he was comfortable conveying his feelings through...

“I’ve learned to accept, even love my meta-abilities”

I love this line so much and it’s all because of the delivery by Freddy Rodrigues. There is the slightest hint of a pause before he says “meta-abilities”, which gives the impression he was about to say something else before then remembering himself and who he was talking to. Then there’s the small inflecion he put on “love”, which makes it sound like it’s the first time he’s heard himself say the words out loud. I don’t hear him talking about the gene - I hear him talking about finally accepting himself - all of himself - for the first time in maybe ever and finally feeling happy because of it. I hear growth... From being the angry 14-year-old skater who just wanted to run away and escape any way he could. To the 16-year-old councillor/Outsider jumping straight into the danger to protect and inspire those who need it. Both he and Bart are such strong characters with so much more to be seen - especially when it comes to the insecurities which lie behind their masks. They both compliment each other pretty perfectly - both powers-wise and personality-wise - meaning while they try to hide themself from others, I don't think it'll take long for them to realise they can't hide from each other.

Anywho, that’s all the speculatary nonsense I’ve got for today. This turned into such a patchwork of vaguely linkable thoughts I’ve had which barely relate to the one I started with - but that is usually how it goes. Take it as you will…

Also, completely unrelated to YJ, but Bi Tim Drake now exists in dc canon which is really cool - seeing all of the joy it’s sparked has really given me something to smile about this week… There is hope after all. 🌈

— LB ⚡️☀️

* OK so here’s a little random snapshot into the chaos of my mind— as I was writing the Ed stuff I had a scene pop into my head of Ed finally -for whatever reason- having to tell his dad that he didn’t leave his abuelo’s home - he got kicked out. His dads confused about this and asks Why? What did you do? And Ed’s like Nothing… I didn’t do anything wrong… he just… found out something. So Seniors like Found out what Eduardo? And Ed’s getting really nervous now because he doesn’t want to say it - That I, um… I’m… Senior step a fraction closer as he picks up on Ed’s anxiety but remains an appropriate distance - Son? Then after a tensening silence he finally says it - sounding the most vulnerable he has ever been - I’m gay… The silence is there again, heavy and unnerving, neither saying a word. Ed can’t move as he’s lock in his elders unreadable glare. Expecting the worse his head drops to take in the floor - anything that isn’t the disappointment ahead - he feels the urge to disappear burning up inside him - consuming him. Then just as he’s about to escape he’s suddenly grounded by a steadying hand rooting itself on his shoulder. Tentatively he lifts his gaze to witness his father, there, with nothing but love and support in his eyes - Mijo. The clamping in his chest dissipates as all the tension escapes at once, along with the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. Ed embraces his dad and the elder embraces his son. Together. A family.

Anyway. That’s probably a load of rubbish but hey my minds full of it… but basically I really want to see a tender moment between Ed and his dad. For whatever reason. Something where Ed’s in a vulnerable state and in need of some emotional support from his father - and without hesitation his father steps up - because that’s what we haven’t seen from them yet. It would perfectly portray the strength of their relationship as father and son - despite their previous struggles - and prove that Senior is willing to support his son no matter the situation as the father - not just the scientist. Its the final step in their healing journey and I wanna see it so bad!!

[supercorpkid]

hai!! im LOVING that i found this gem of an account of yours 🤩 could i request a scenario where supercorp's reaction to their daughter cutting their hair really short,, (girl crush vibes)?? I'm loving your works the more i read!!

YAY!!! That makes me so happy to hear it!

Here’s how I think they would react like. Thanks for the prompt!

Haircut

Word Count: 1510.

“I wanna cut my hair.” You announce, walking in the kitchen and both Lena and Kara raise their eyes at you.

“Ok. I’ll get the red sun lamps and the scissors.” Kara agrees, motioning to leave.

“No, no.” You stop her before she leaves. “It’s nothing you can do.”

“Kid, I’ve been cutting your hair since you were born. I can do anything.” Kara says and you raise an eyebrow at her.

“Really?” She agrees with her head. “Then why do I have the same haircut ever since I was two?”

“That’s not-” Kara starts, but Lena cuts her off.

“It’s true. You basically only trim her bangs and sometimes the tips.”

“See.” You point at Lena. “I want a different haircut. I want it to be very very short.”

“But you have such pretty hair. Why would you do that?” Kara asks, looking confused. “Next thing you’ll say is that you grew out of bangs.”

“I did grow out of bangs, but there’s not much I can do except wait for it to grow now.” You shrug. “But the hair, yeah, I want to change it.”

“But-but-but” Kara says with tears in her eyes. You look at Lena.

“You know, maybe it’s not a good idea to cut your hair, baby. Wouldn’t it be weird if both Superkid and you got a haircut at the same time?” Lena asks, you first roll your eyes as a response, then you add.

“Superkid doesn’t exist anymore. Besides, didn’t Kara Danvers and Supergirl get bangs at the same time and no one noticed, including you?”

“I’ve noticed.” Lena mumbles. “I just didn’t want to comment on it because I thought it would be impolite.”

“Telling momma she got the same haircut as Supergirl would be impolite?”

“Yeah, and that she was too old for bangs.” Lena shrugs, making Kara snap her head up and look at her.

“What?” Kara furrows her brows at Lena. “I looked great in bangs! Here’s proof!” She points at your hair, and you sigh.

“Ok, whatever. Nevermind.”

But it’s not really whatever. And you might have said nevermind to them, but you mind. You really do mind.

Vou: Hey! Can you do me a solid?

Aunt Alex: What do you need?

You: Can I meet you at the DEO?

Aunt Alex: I’m here!

It takes you a while to get there. You must say, sometimes you miss being Superkid, just because it was so much easier to move around town. Oh, and much faster than a bus.

“Hey!” Alex greets you when you walk in the DEO. “It took you a while.”

“Yeah, I flew here on a bus.”

She laughs, rolling her eyes at your very Kara-like joke. “What do you need?

“Can you cut my hair?” She looks lost at the question, so you decide to give her more information. “You know, red sun emulator and scissors?”

“Right.” Alex agrees, making her way to where the red sun lamp is kept. “Doesn’t Kara usually cut your hair?”

“Usually, yeah. But I want to change styles a little. I was thinking more like 2015 Alex and less like 2020 Kara .”

“That’s a big change. Are they ok with it?”

“Aunt Alex-” You put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m 16. I’ve saved National City a few times. I think I can choose my own hairstyle.”

“Ok, kiddo.” Alex points at the chair. “Let’s do it! I’m up for you looking more like me! And my hair in 2015 was a look.”

You sit on the chair and Alex turns the red sun lamp on, so it dampens your powers. You give her a thumbs up and an excited smile.

Forget about the fact that you’re cutting half of your hair, because you think it would make it harder for people to recognize you. Forget about the fact that you believe it could take the weight off your shoulders. If glasses had been your disguise for years now, maybe a new haircut can buy you some time before people remember about your existence.

You shouldn’t focus on that. You should focus on the excitement that change brings into a person’s life. And maybe this outside change can help you with your inside change too.

“Ok. Oh my God, I swear you look like a total badass.” Alex puts the scissor down and you look to the floor and see big chunks of your hair lost in there. Ok. You hope she’s right. “Here, look.”

Alex raises the mirror in front of your face, and you smile at yourself. Perfect. You not only look like a total badass, but somehow you also don’t look like yourself.

“It’s perfect.” You stand up from the chair, throwing your arms around her. “Thanks aunt Alex. You’re the best. I’m gonna go show Jamie.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m here for you, kiddo.”

So far the reactions to your new haircut have been:

Alex: You look like a total badass.

Kelly: Oh, wow. You look so fancy with this new hairstyle!

Jamie: Oh my God. OH MY GOD! You don’t even look like a dipshit anymore! I love it!

Maya: Uh. You-You-Uh-How-Oh God, it’s hot in here, isn’t it? Babe, you look so good it’s hard to get my words out.

And now, onto your moms reaction:

“Hey babygirl, where were y-'' Lena looks at you with incredulity in her eyes. “You cut your hair.”

“Mhm.” You walk past her, pretending it’s not a big deal. Lena holds your arm before you move away.

“Let me look at you.” She asks, and you stop, staring at her with an expectant smile. Her hands go to your hair, as she feels them on her hands, twisting a lock on her fingers, then putting it behind your ear. “You look beautiful, baby.”

“You think so?” You ask, with a bigger smile now.

“You always look beautiful.” She holds your head and kisses your forehead.

“Do you think momma will like it too?”

Lena furrows her brows. “What? Where did you get a haircut if not with Kara?” Eyes wide. “Don’t tell me you went to a hair salon.”

“No! Mom, come on. It was aunt Alex.” You give her a reassuring smile.

“Alex did this? Huh. Can’t believe I’ve been flying to Paris to have my hair cut when she can do stuff like that to one’s hair.”

“Hey love! Oh, and who’s that?” Kara asks, coming inside the house from the backyard door. You turn around to look at her with a smile. “Oh.”

Kara’s brain seems to be malfunctioning as she only stares at you saying nothing and with no other reaction. Your smile slowly fades as you wait.

“Kara? Say something!” Lena says and she finally blinks.

“Oh, you got a haircut!” Kara furrows her brows. “Who-who cut your hair?”

“Aunt Alex.”

“Huh. Ok. Well, I’ll be right back.” Kara says and she flies away. You look back at Lena.

“She hated it.” You sigh woefully. Pout, and soon, you’re bawling your eyes out in Lena’s shirt. She tries to calm you down, but you can’t be stopped. You didn’t know you needed Kara’s approval that badly.

So you make your way to your bedroom, ready to not get out of bed for a while, wrap yourself in a blanket, and keep crying into your pillow.

“Hey.” Kara shows up a few minutes later. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m not.” But you are. With your face squished against the pillow so she can’t see it.

“Can you look at me?”

“No. Go away.”

“Little one, please. I wanna show you something. Look at me, come on.” Kara asks and you turn your face slowly to look at her. You blink your eyes when you realize what it is that she wants to show you.

“You cut your hair like mine?” You sit up right away, and Kara smiles at you.

“Yes! I mean, I always wanted to cut my hair like that, but I was scared of how it would look, and then you did it. And Rao, you look so perfect! Like, kid, you legit look like a freaking rockstar. So, it would obviously look good on me too, right?” She looks so excited it’s hard to wrap your mind around it. “Right?”

“Yes! Of course! You look incredibly handsome, momma.” You say, and she lets out a relieved breath. “But what about the whole Supergirl and Kara Danvers getting the same haircut at the same time?”

“Oh.” She thinks about it for a second. “I mean, I got away with bangs. No way I won’t get away with this now.”

“I guess.” You shrug and Kara cleans your tears, with a smile.

“Go wash your face so we can take a selfie with the same haircut.”

“God, momma. No. You’re way too old for that.” You joke, and Kara shows you her tongue. But you still take a picture with her, because she does, indeed, look handsome and you want to show off your new haircut too.

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

NSFW Alphabet- Joe Toye

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

 Ok, so here’s the 411- Joe gives it his all when y’all are fucking. He’s flipping you around into different positions, he’s gripping whatever part of your body he can get his hands so he can reach deeper faster harder better, Joe is fully prepared to do all the work. 

That being said, the boy’s EXHAUSTED by the time he’s done with you. You’re lucky if he doesn’t collapse on you in a sweaty, sleepy mess. But after he’s had a second to regroup and rally- he’s totally down for some pillow talk. 

WARNING: it’s going to be in that sexy husky voice of his, which means round two is imminent.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

 Ok, so our Joe’s hot. Like, really hot. He is fully aware of how good he looks- sometimes to the point of arrogance. If he had to pick just one part of himself, it’d probably be his arms. He likes knowing that he can always fight his way out of a sticky situation, but what he really likes is how your hands feel when they clutch at his biceps while getting sexy. (He also really gets soft when you run your fingers up and down his arms/forearms while sitting around and talking with the guys shh shh shh)

On you? Your hands- this boy never thought of hands being sexy until he watched yours dance across a map while discussing plans of action. His eyes followed their motions like a moth follows a flame- and when they touched HIS HAND for the first time? Boner city. Population: this guy.

 C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

MESSY BOY. OH MY GOD.

He’s BIG into marking you, and if you gave him the ok (he always checks first) he’d gladly paint you in it (he gets very caveman when it comes to marking you as his ffs what a horndog). 

But if you aren’t into that? Not a problem. Simply seeing his cum on your hands (which we’ve established he’s super into) is enough for him. Inside of you works too, FYI. He’s very accommodating.

 D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

 He once secretly got off in class while watching you disassemble and reassemble your rifle. Your fingers moved so fast and confidently that he couldn’t help but wonder what ~other~ confident things they could do (his mind instantly pictured you fingering yourself and he’s only a little bit sorry about how depraved he is). He’d kneaded the heel of his hand against his cock under the table and to this day he has no idea how he wasn’t caught.

 E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Experienced is a good way to describe Joe, bc in cruder company he’d be called a fuckboy. He’s had more partners than the average Joe (lol sorry) but not nearly as many as someone like Tab or Nix or Liebgott have had. He just lived a full-ass life and, due to him being a stud, he’s never been wanting for company.

 F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

 Anything with him on top is his comfort zone. He likes feeling in control, and he really likes being able to see how good he’s making you feel. 

Bonus points if he can grip your neck a lil bit.

 G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

 Joe is goofy in the sense that he likes to tease you, maybe antagonize you a lil. He knows that you get off on it- that you like when he points out how good he’s making you feel, or lightly chastising you for how quickly you’re going to cum. He doesn’t mean it, and if you were ever to tell him to back off he’d be totally down.

 H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

 Dark, curly, trimmed but not ~groomed~, you know?

 I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

 Personally, He seeks to establish intimacy during the afterglow, curling around you once the sweat has cooled and your breathing has evened out. Face touches, greedy but sweet kisses? Joe Toye’s your guy.

HOWEVER!: If he thinks you could use some during the act, he’s game. If you ask for it? HE’S WHATEVER MORE THAN BEING GAME IS. Get over here, hot stuff.

 J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

 He does it whenever he feels the urge. It’s not a huge deal for him. 

He’d prefer sex with you obviously, but if you’re not feeling it or it’s not a good time then he’ll take care of himself. In a perfect world, you could both do some mutual masturbation. He absolutely thinks of you while he does it, tho.

 K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

 Choking kink. Wow wow wow. Nothing extreme- he doesn’t feel comfortable cutting off your airflow or anything, but a hand around the throat certainly adds a nice primitiveness to the experience. 

If you choke him, however: different story.

Joe finds that EXTREMELY hot. Oh my God. It plays into his weird obsession with your hands/touch. It reminds him that you’re just as into him as he is with you, and he is a big fan of you getting a lil rough with him now and again. 

Pin him down by his throat as you ride him? He’s done for.

 L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

 Any time, anywhere- as long as he can be sure that you won’t be interrupted. There are exceptions to this (see Risk). 

 M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

 Little touches from you can really get him going. Lacing your fingers with his as you both ride in a truck from location to location. Your eyes finding his as you talk business with someone else. The gentle scratch of your fingernails through the shorter hairs at the base of his skull. You also get a certain look in your eyes when you’re feeling frisky, and the moment he sees that, sexy with you is all that he can think about.

 N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

 Doing anything to you that leaves more than a bruise. Hickeys? Awesome. Speckles of bruises on your hips from where his fingertips dug into your skin a bit too hard? Hot.

Deep shadows around your throat left behind from him holding you a little too hard? NO NO NOPE THAT’S NOT OKAY.

It reminds him too much of violence, of someone trying to escape the touch of another and being denied freedom. Once, a German soldier had tried to choke you out so you wouldn’t alert anyone of his presence and Joe. Fucking. Lost it. His brass knuckles were nearly fused to his skin by the time Joe was done with them.

Tl;dr- deep marks on his girl? He’ll kick someone's ass. He’ll kick my ass. He’ll kick his own ass

 O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

 He’s a fan of both! When he’s going down on you, he’s all about results- what will get you off the quickest and hardest. Overstimulation King (but in a good way).

When you go down on him and make a point to draw the process out as long as you possibly can, he just about cries with need. He’ll beg you to give him more so he can finally cum, but secretly he’s hoping that you’ll keep edging him bc dear god you’re so beautiful and evil and wow your nails scratching down his stomach feels good.

 P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

 FAST. Like I said before, he’s all for getting you off quick and hard. He likes the feeling of his muscles trembling with exhaustion as he pistons into you with ruthless speed, likes the way it makes your body shake and bounce and sheen with sweat. He really likes being able to just fall asleep with you afterwards, so his goal is to tire out the both of you.

 Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

 Ok, so here’s the thing- before you, most of his sexual history could be considered quickies. He didn’t like the idea of lingering too long after doing the do, so a quick fuck in the closet of a bar was his bread and butter. Remember: the quicker the better.

But since you, he’s decided that he’s good with both quickies and...slowies(?). If he’s feeling frisky while you both are out or just about to go out or in any sort of time crunch, he lets you know by coming up to stand behind you and wrapping his arms around your torso, gently pulling you back until you can feel his hardening cock against your backside. 

If you rest one of your hands on his forearm and squeeze it- then you’re not feeling it rn and he backs off (or excuses himself to take care of it bc he’s practical like that). If you lean back into him or turn your head to the side so he can kiss your cheek- it’s go time. Meet him in the bathroom, bc someone’s about to get their world rocked.

 R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

 JOe is fine with public sex as long as he knows/can predict who or what could possibly figure out what the two of you are doing. And even then, it’s going to be sneaky. You sitting on his lap with his dick in your pussy? Nice. pretending to lean over and whisper something to you while sitting at a booth (but actually fingering you? Dope.

He’ll basically go as far as you let him, but his big thing is not letting the two of you get caught by someone who will hold it over your ehad. Do’t fuck with his girl.

 S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

 Two and a half rounds- he always starts with getting you off with his hands, thigh, tongue (that’s the half round), then he cranks out the next two fast and unwaveringly. Ideally, the outcome for him is two orgasms for him and three for you. Bonus points if he can wring four out of you, but he’s not going to push it.

 T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

 Probably didn’t own any of his own, but if you have a vibrator or something he’ll definitely use it on you. Would probably consider letting you use it on him, but only once he’s used it on you a couple times.

 U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

 Not very much in terms of edging teasing, but verbally he can be very antagonistic. 

 V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

 Loud and proud, but tries to keep the sounds in for as long as he can. You can always tell when he’s close by how vocal he’ll become. Huge whiner whenever you suck his cock or give him a handjob, bc you are so perfect and wicked that it literally overwhelms him.

 W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

 Has at least one copy of the Kama Sutra. Bill gave it to him as a joke gift but Joe absolutely uses it for inspiration.

 X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

 Average length but girthy. He’s pretty proud of it. 

 Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

 Pretty high, but something he can control. He knows it’s unrealistic to be able to fuck you whenever he wants (bc otherwise, you’d never leave his bed), so he’s able to channel that desire into anticipation for the next time he gets the chance to fuck you.

 Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

 SO FAST, OH MY GOD. But he doesn’t sleep long- it’s more like a power nap and then he wakes up and helps you clean up/cleans you up himself and then gets cuddly. Then he sleeps again. What a nerd.

~ ~ ~

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[mrsmaybank]

My Little Sun - Reid x Reader

“Ridiculously perfect.” I held her tighter as she looked up at me and our eyes locked, “I’ve fallen ridiculously in love with you.” “So my evil plan worked then?” She chirped.

CONTENT WARNINGS: AGE GAP, VIOLENCE, KIDNAPPING, PREGNANCY, STALKING, LANGUAGE probably the misuse of a Russian word  IF THERES MORE LMK 

A/N: Okay, let me be honest rq this idea lowk scared me but the words really just fell out of my brain really easily so, yk fuck it whatever.  ANYWAY, if you like, please let me know! 

pt 2, pt 3 “I love you Spencer.” The words immediately melted me. 

“I know so many things.” She gave me an unapproving look. 

“I don’t mean to sound cocky, but I do! Now for once in your life, listen to me.” She nodded her head in concession.

“I’ve just read more, I’ve written more, I’ve discovered and studied more than the average person. I could tell you a little bit about anything with one hundred percent certainty. I could--and want--to tell you the names of all the stars, I could recite verbatim the entirety of Prometheus Bound by Aeschylus or Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov, which you know, speaking of I will ‘cause I still can’t believe you haven’t read it,” Her smile flattened into a straight line, and I laughed. “Orrr, I could also tell you something simple, like why we get the hiccups.” I shook my head. 

“Regardless, I know so many things and I’m rarely taken by surprise because of it. Everything in life is a pattern of change, and as a human, we will always adjust and adapt to whatever situation we are in. For better or worse, we don’t feel the same thing for very long. This is why an addict takes a couple more every time, a sadist hits his second victim harder than the first, they’re searching for the high of the first time, and it will never come.”

She nodded in understanding, 

 “I know this is true, it’s factual, and yet every time I look at you it feels like the first. You’ve broken the laws of human psychology.” 

“First time you saw me was at a gas station Spencer.” 

“No. The first time I looked at you after I knew I loved you.” 

“Where were we?” 

“My car. You were dancing. You looked ridiculous.” 

“Ridiculously sexy? You mean?” She smiled. 

“Ridiculously perfect.” I held her tighter as she looked up at me and our eyes locked, “I’ve fallen ridiculously in love with you.” 

“So my evil plan worked then?” She chirped.

“It did indeed. You’ve become my solnyshko moyo.”

“Tell me that’s Russian dirty talk.” She said with a grin. 

“It’s better. It’s a term of endearment you’ve become the epitome of.” 

“And what’s that Dr. Reid?” she giggled. 

“My little sun. You’ve become my little sun. Following me around and bringing light and warmth.” She snuggled herself impossibly closer into my chest, wrapping one of her legs over mine. 

“Except for your feet!” I shrieked at her freezing toes meeting mine. 

“They’re not that cold you big baby!” she shouted. 

I laughed and kissed her sweetly, “I am not the baby here.” I said.  

“Please,” she started until I interrupted her with a kiss, “If you’re not the baby,” I kissed her again, “That implies I’M the baby,” Kiss, “And I’m not a” Kiss. 

“Shush baby.” I told her, but like always, she didn’t listen, instead sitting up to straddle me. My appreciation for her beauty was like how a prisoner appreciates freedom, and yet it was miniscule into what I found in her character. It blew my mind that a girl so perfect existed. 

“Rarely do great virtue and beauty dwell together. Francesco Petrarch.” I started, my hands making their way onto her hips, “That makes you a rarity.” 

“You’re spoiling me with nice words today Spencer.” “You’ve spoiled me. My frontal lobe is spoiled milk.” She laughed, wondering how I was going to manage to make this one romantic. 

“That’s the part of the brain responsible for sensibility and logical thinking, and you, little girl, have positively ruined it. You make me stupid.”

“I ruined the genius Dr. Reid with the 187 IQ? Makes sense. I’m like, way smarter.” 

“You are. So, so much smarter.” 

“I want that in writing.” she poked my chest. 

I pulled her down and kissed her forehead to whisper in her ear. “Not a chance.”

She pushed herself away and rolled her eyes at me like a bratty child does her nanny, and I continued, “ You’re smarter, but I’m more educated. I have more doctorates than you have years in university.” 

“Whatever…”

I brushed the hair away from her perfect face, “You tired baby?” 

She sighed and laid down, splaying herself on my chest, laying on me like I was the duvet. “Very.” 

I held her impossibly close, breathing in her scent and counting every time her heart thumped, her bpm said she was relaxed. Oh god, I wanted her like this forever. Relaxed in my arms, where nothing could touch us but each other. 

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“Must you work?” I sent the message to Spencer as I rolled over to his side of the bed in anticipation. I breathed in heavy, liking the way the pillow smelled like his laundry.

“Unfortunately.”  he responded. “Think you’ll be home this weekend?” 

“It’s not looking like it, little one. I’m sorry.” 

I didn’t reply. I was too sad to reply. I knew it’d make him feel guilty, which I didn’t want to do, cause like, his job and saving people and shit is important. But, it still wasn’t fair! At all. There was something very important I had to tell him. 

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Total darkness, and then way too much light. My head hurt and I couldn’t move. I was handcuffed to a wooden chair. There were chains around my torso and ankles. The room was a medical sort of bright. It smelled like bleach and rotting fruit. The walls were dilapidated, seeming to be made of tiles that were once white, but have turned yellow. 

What the FUCK? 

“Hello!” I shouted. My voice was so coarse it hurt. Shit. My head pulsed so badly it practically hurt to think, but I still racked my brain. 

Where am I? 

How’d I get here? 

Why am I here? 

I woke up again. Fuck, why can’t I think? Why can’t I do anything? 

“Hey, y/n.” A woman’s voice. A very stoic, cold, sounding female voice.

I’m not alone. Thank god, oh my god, I’m not alone. 

With the little strength I had, I lifted my head to see her. She wasn’t what I thought. She was alright, she wasn’t tied. She did this to me? 

She took a sip from her silver flask, “Do you know who I am?” 

I shook my head. “No.” 

“Typical.” She stood up and grabbed me by the hair, “You fucking disgust me.” Like, she said, she threw my hair away like it disgusted her. 

She sat back down on the bench in front of the chair I was chained to, “My name is Brook Austen. I was a professor at Georgetown last year. Taught a couple seminars at your school, that little university you go to, the students there were nothing like mine. Not nearly as intelligent, but as expected, Georgetown is much more prestigious, obviously.”

I was confused, and she knew, but did not care. 

“You’re not the brightest, y/n. Only slightly above average high school grades, strikingly mediocre academic performance now.”

Where the hell is she going with this? 

“And you know it doesn’t surprise me, per say, because every man on this goddamn planet is a piece of fucking shit! But I thought that, maybe, just maybe, Spencer was different.” 

She grimaced, “I thought he’d want more than just a pretty face! ‘Cause you might be prettier y/n, but I’m smarter.” Her words were laced with utter hatred. 

Her demeanor changed, and it almost started to seem like she was talking to herself. “I'm older. I’m more successful. I’m fucking better.” 

She approached me again, grabbing my face so I was looking her in those scarily light green eyes, and she wrapped her hands around my throat.  “I’m fucking better then you! Better, better, better!” Every time she said better she shook my neck and gripped tighter so I couldn’t breathe. 

“Stop! Please! Please stop!” I shouted, “I’m-I’m pregnant!” 

She began to break down, “You’re pregnant?” A maniacal chuckle left her throat, “You’re pregnant?”  

“Is it Spencer’s?” she asked. 

I nodded. 

“Wow.” She laughed once more, “Fucking wow.” 

“How could Spencer choose this!? You’re nothing like him. You are a pathetic fucking college student. A fucking daddy issue ridden slut! I’m a celebrated academic, just like him!” Tears began to slip from her eyes, “How could he not choose me?”

This woman is NOT well in the head. 

“You--you like Spencer?” I asked. 

“You don’t get to ask the fuckin’ questions here.” She pulled a knife out of her pocket and held it to the tip of my chin, “I do. So you’re gonna answer them.” Or, she started manically laughing, “I’ll kill you.” She swallowed, “And your baby.” 

I screamed at those words, “No,” I sobbed, “NO!” 

I turned my head away so I didn’t have to look at the woman in front of me, there was a timed red dot blinking. A camera. 

“Is that-- is that a camera?” 

She nodded, “I want Spencer to see you and his child die.” 

“He….No! No, please, No!” I choked on a sob and she smiled. 

“He doesn’t know.” She paced, “He doesn’t even fucking know!” 

She waltzed over to the camera and brought it closer to us, “Hey Spencer.” She began waving, “Hey Penelope. Aaron. Derek. Jennifer. Emily.” 

Her demeanor changed once more, into that of a cheerleader of all things, “So, quick recap.” Brook pursed her lips, “Spencer your twenty three year old fucktoy is pregnant. Congrats!” 

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Y/N was two things I didn’t know she was this morning: In serious danger, and the mother of my expected child. I felt frozen in trepidation. 

We all watched in horror as Brook greeted us. All by first name. She knew exactly what she was doing and it freaked me out even more. 

“Reid, you need to step out.” Hotch grabbed my shoulder, “Now.” 

I was sick with fear and ill with rage. I sat down because I could feel my knees go weak. Hotch started again, “We know who she is. We will find her. Y/N will be alright.” He paused, “So will the baby.” 

I replayed the events of the live footage in my head, her screams of pain and terror, her trembles and confusion. I’d failed her. I’d failed her and now I knew I’d also failed our child. 

JJ sat down next to me, “Spencer, when did you meet Brook?” 

“I uh,” I wiped my face, “A year and four months ago. I did uh, I taught uh, I taught a string of seminars at Georgetown. It was biweekly. Her office was next to mine. We spoke for the first time when she offered me a coffee.” 

“What did you say?” 

“What do you think I said?” 

“Yes.” 

“Yeah, I said yeah, I fucking like coffee.” I felt instantaneously guilty for cursing, and especially at JJ but I was too frazzled for it to last long enough to apologize. 

“I know Spence, I’m sorry. Just keep going.” 

“Then, the next week, we got lunch together.” 

“Was it, you know, friendly?” 

“What are you implying Jennifer?” I snapped. 

“No Spence, we just need to know. You know that.” 

“It was-- it was just lunch. A very normal colleague to colleague lunch. We talked about the school’s history. And uh, where we grew up. It was small talk.” 

“Ok, was this the last time you spoke to her?” 

“No. There was one more time. Y/N was there.” 

“Tell me about it Spence.” She grabbed my hand, 

I breathed out, “It was the next week I taught after lunch. About two hours before my class. I was lesson planning, and Y/N was doing homework on my desk. She came in. She asked if I wanted to go get lunch. She saw y/n and--Fuck.” 

“What Spence? What?” 

“She asked me who she was, but it was like, she didn’t want y/n to know she was asking. She thought she was…”

“She thought she was what?” 

“A student.” 

“And what did you tell her?”  

“The truth. That she was my girlfriend.” 

“Did you see her anywhere else after that?”

“No. She never came by my office again. When I would see her by chance, she would scurry away. It was strange.” 

“Think really hard Spence. Did you ever see her again after you stopped teaching at Georgetown.”

I racked my brain, “Yeah. I did. It was two months ago. Three days after I proposed to y/n. She was getting a coffee at this coffee shop by y/n’s school.. I was bringing her some lunch” 

“Spencer she's been stalking you. Your proposal was the stressor.” 

“But--I’m a profiler. I would’ve noticed.” I stood up with a realization.            “What Spence?” JJ asked, standing up as well to look at me. 

“She’s been stalking her, not me. She knew I was a part of the BAU, she knew I would’ve noticed.” 

“I’ll tell the team.” 

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A/N2:  If this doesn’t totally flop, I’ll write PT 2, that elaborates on the reader’s and Spencer’s relationship. I think through flashbacks from both Y/N and Spencer would be a cool way to explore their relationship and of course the whole reader being kidnapped thing plot could develop. Again, if you enjoyed this pls let me know!!