#the third one takes me out every time
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we won't know. but there will be signs. bonus ±
#red white and royal blue#rwrbedit#rwrb#nicholas galitzine#taylor zakhar perez#casey mcquiston#matthew lopez#userninz#chrissiewatts#userveronika#usersteen#usernuria#userclara#userlang#mine*#WE ARE SO BACK. ASTRONOMICAL LEVELS#that whole run of events tzp did ....... he was fighting for his life frrrrr#the third one takes me out every time#nick when he said there were conversations. oh boy the pr team was truly on his ass after that dkjgdk#we finally made it!!!!!!!!#'i can only dream' YOU GOT YOUR WISH BABYYYY#there are probably some more examples especially during tioy press but im not going back through those again :)#also lets hear tzp's ideas pls
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#I get Phoenix Jimmy headcanons now but I just am NOT on board because#I saw someone trying to push it a long time ago before any curse breaking#and I thought the reasoning was (no offense to them) so stupid and it’s even affecting me to this day 😭#I’m sorry phoenix jimmy truthers I I I I I just can’t take it seriously 😭#ok just so nobody asks I guess I should explain the old reason (IF THIS WAS YOU IM SO SO SORRY I JUST DIDNT LIKE THIS ONE THING)#they said he should be a phoenix instead of a canary cuz ‘canaries die but he always comes back next season so he should be a phoenix’#like FIRST OF ALL: so does everybody wtf#SECOND OF ALL: canaries DONT DIE (unless the miners suck or somethin). they just pass out. so YES you can reuse them.#THIRD OF ALL: the symbolism behind the headcanon has NOTHING to do with him Coming Back so WHY would we use a phoenix instead of a canary#so yeah. the headcanon NOW makes sense since the symbolism is ‘he broke the curse of death’ which totally works with a phoenix#so I DONT hate this modern version but I’m stuck thinking about the old one every time I see it 😭😭#but like nah phoenix jimmy is cool especially with his soulmate n all#I just love him being a birdie. he’s silly like one. forget death canaries are friendly and like to sing just like jim
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mmg,, i might hiatus again,,,
I'd hate to do it, but there's no joy in crab posts as of right now, and also as of a long while ago.
Managing messages and responding to people in replies and being tagged and all the stuff in inbox is. a lot.
I never intended or expected crab blog to get this big, and it feels like such a chore to do at this point. Not that I dont like it, and not that I dont enjoy the fellow crab lovers, but it's certainly overwhelming.
That plus other socials and such that I manage and real life stuff is just. IDK, it's a lot. Usually, if I get to this point, I just drop off, maybe delete the account if I really can't stand it, but I'm definitely not going to do that here.
At the very least, I'm going to empty out the submissions that have been piling up, but after that, I'm not sure. I may not even get through all of those, I've already been relying on those for a long time at this point, and I think that's pretty obvious.
It feels like a hassle to deal with those anyways since most people don't even identify what type of crab it is that they submit, so I have to take the time to find it, which is usually not at all easy. There are so many posts that I've just had to guess what to tag it as because I just don't know, and there's no solid answer that I can find, at least not usually.
Which is also partially my fault, I've never said anything about it before, and I never specified it at an earlier time to make incoming ones less stressful to deal with, but even so I just. I don't know, I don't.
I don't know exactly when it'll happen, but it's the most likely thing to happen from here. I think I'll modify some stuff about how I handle the daily-crabbys blog to make it easier on me when I come back, but I'm not entirely sure what that'll be. I've never managed a successful daily posting account before, I haven't the slightest clue how to make it all easier on me.
Sorry that this has gotten so long, I didn't mean to rant. There's just so much that I feel like I need to say.
This isn't something coming out of nowhere, and it isn't going to be immediate. I've thought about wanting to do this for a while, and I know I did this already not too long ago, but I didn't really change anything for myself, so I'm just burnt out a lot faster.
Sorry again, both for the length of this and the fact that it's going to happen, but I've just got to make things better for myself before I carry on long term. I really just fucked myself over by not doing this the first time, but if I don't do something about it eventually then I'll just end up hating this blog too much to continue.
🦀💜
#not crab posting#heads up that this is quite a long post so in case you may not want to read it all(dont blame you) theres just a few things to know#firstly this isnt a random decision i made. ive thought about it for a while and dont think i was ready to come back in the first place#second is that it will not take place immediately! i dont want submissions to sit for too long so ill empty those out before i disappear#this includes a few that i wouldnt ordinarily post or have never found the right time to post. theyve just gotta go#third is that it is no ones fault. well thats not true. its mine. i didnt make changes i should have the first time i went on hiatus#im suffering severely from that now and have burnt out wayyy too fast. which is again no ones fault but mine#im going to change things to make it easier to handle. i need to if i want to keep this going for a long time which i very much do#i just cant when the thought of posting on here every day makes me so unhappy. im just too overwhelmed#im not sure what the changes will be just yet but they're going to be beneficial to me greatly
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this would be torturous if it weren't so funny :)
#translation: i am focusing on the funny part because if i dont it WILL feel torturous#it is like one of them 1930s comedies where a girl who's doing her best (me) is doing her best to NOT run into boy#because you know you DO have to take measures to guard your heart when things are going off the rails. (i'm not happy about this but i know#it's good for me to at least not seek out every opportunity to see him.)#but who KEEPS running into boy because she keeps trying to not do it#today was the third or fourth time this week i think. Lord help meeeee#i had a >:O moment last sunday when i was congratulating myself on avoiding a 'coincidental' meeting i usually seek out#and was opening the door to leave and bam he was on the other side. i could've wept with hysterical laughter.#the waiting room chapter
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noooo you can let me describe the doctors body trust me i totally wont be weird about it this time
#me explaining why the doctor is hot: well theyre old enough to be my messiah so jot that down#also a body thats died many times#me opening the powerpoint: so before we begin hands up how many of you have spent more time than you should thinking abt jesus' body#church was like and this is body of christ and me being 7 and autistic took that in every way they DIDNT mean#anyway sorry yaz not sure what exactly the sin is here but im pretty sure uhhh it is one#its usually the master doing this#but yaz is taking the masters place in this fic so#that tracks i guess#gonna have to figure out how to take the pronouns out of this too#also look at the third person/second person flipflopping#i do that kind of a lot but i realised in this paragraph maybe thats because..........there isnt a third person imperative uhh mode?#is that a mode we call that idk#there ISNT a third person imperative right? thats just second person?#i think so#but its interesting bc thats like the main way my narration flipflops#idk if thats like bad. bad writer habit or whatever#if it is i dont really care#it doesnt bother ME so#idk if it bothers anyone else#one time i had a fun paragraph in the doctors pov where it went from its standard 3rd to 2nd to 1st. 1st plural i think#and then Back to 3rd distance yourself from yourself dont get too close#anyway
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i keep having nightmare about my piece of shit abusive aunt and im fucking over the subconscious torture she's dead to me she means nothing to me i never want to see her narcissistic racist face again i despise her she's fucking pathetic for stealing everything that was my dad's so we couldn't have anything to remember him by she's delusional if she thinks she helped her dying mother in any capacity bc she didn't even call to check on her and instead looked for her pain medication the night she died she showed her true colors after the shit she said in august I hope she knows her entire family is fed up with her bullshit no one enjoys her company and actively avoid her if it's possible her own daughter hates her she's the worst mother I've ever met and endangers everyone anytime she drives
i never want to see her again I want to forget she exists i need to stop having these fucking nightmares
#sorry y'all this was like the third one this week#this time she was taking more of my dads stuff from my grandpas house claiming it was promised to her or whatever bullshit#and i argued with her until i was screaming#last night she was stalking me at my job and tried to get me fired bc i was coughing#ive had countless dreams atp where im having a good time then she shows upwved everything is terrible#i want to learn how to forget or repress every memory of her i want her out of my life#sorry for this post y'all#delete later
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I’m always so fascinated by people’s bad roommate stories. I’m not sure I’ll ever live with someone I haven’t vetted extensively beforehand ever again
#every living situation where i’ve been assigned roommates randomly; i always seem to get one person who is an absolute angel#and 1-2 people who are honestly fucked up#i lived in halls 1 year of undergrad and everyone was kind of equally insane. honestly no one stood out as particularly bad#because everyone was just constantly screaming. i dealt with it by going home most weekends and getting noise cancelling headphones#3rd year of undergrad i lived in a suite which.. honestly was basically an apartment. had a living room/kitchenette; a toilet; a shower room#and 4 bedrooms#one of my roommates i’m still friends with to this day but honestly they were and are kind of a ridiculous person#like they were actively dealing drugs most of the year and their boyfriend was around most of the time and they would bone LOUDLY#and that’s the good roommate. so you can imagine the other two#one of the others.. honestly wasn’t a bad roommate; she was helpful and clean and civil#she was loud as hell though. she used to have attacks of insomnia and decide to rearrange her furniture at 3 in the morning#and we shared a wall. she also had an illegal pet rabbit.#our personalities just didn’t mesh well; like it became clear pretty fast that we were going to spend as little time together as possible#third roommate was loud; rude; annoying and gross. she’d be calling people at 7am just to yell down the phone to them about her problems#i was like who is picking up the phone to this bitch. she also picked up on my homosexual vibes in that way that homophobic straight girls#always seem to have; and was convinced i had a crush on her. and she bought a betta fish (allowed according to dorm rules) and then it died#because she didn’t want to take care of it properly. and she refused to do anything for herself#like she was always breaking shit and leaving it because she didn’t want to email or call maintenance. so then i’d have to do it#because it was always something we specifically shared. like a set of shelves she put a fucking 5lb shampoo bottle on. twice.#in grad school it was almost the same thing. one angel roommate who was kind of messy but otherwise fantastic#she rolled the best joints i have ever seen. and i still miss her cat cali#it was the men that were the problem. one was an international student who left after a month and bothered nobody#like to the point i didn’t notice when he moved out because he was so innocuous#the other two though….. so one of them started hooking up with my favourite roommate and immediately became SUPER annoying#the other one stole shit; left lights on all the time; left fridge and cupboard and freezer doors open; tried to guilt trip me#into giving him my weed; played mariah carey at 2am; never bought a single cleaning product or household item for the collective#unless you told him to…… he was even using my toothpaste at one point. like. sir.#oh and he was always dirtying other people’s dishes and cookware and leaving them in the sink for days. and leaving big chunks of food#in the sink. it was fucking gross#personal
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if i had a nickel for every time i had a dream that i was scout tf2 & trying to win the love of ms pauling & she seemed to like me back but she was with someone else & i was filled with a sense of deep angsty longing, i’d have two nickels.
which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice
#i do like those dreams tbh it’s an odd feeling of gender euphoria & love & enjoyable angst if that makes sense#if it happens a third time i’ll take it as a sign. no clue of what but a sign nonetheless#dreams#one time i dreamt#scout tf2#and every time it feels very gay. like the total boygirl or whatever type of gender. not totally scout but definitely not just myself#and last time i dreamt it i was like “FINE i’ll go find SNIPER im sure he wants to hang out & be angsty with me”#i never did find sniper
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Okay after freaking out about alhaitham it’s time to be neurotic again that girl is freaking me out sm :D
#like bro I don’t understand wallah I don’t#I’m so confused and it’s literally ruining everything#dora daily#AND I NEVER SAY WALLAH ABOUT ANYTHING THIS IS HOW BAD ITS RUINING ME AAAAAAH#on one hand she’s ignoring me on the other she isn’t and she genuinely doesn’t see any of my posts#on the other she just forgot#ALL OF WHICH ARE SHIT OPTIONS#IT ISNT FAIR#i even tried liking her posts to show her yo I’m alive in case she didn’t see#I TRIED SENDING HER AN ASK ABOUT SOMETHING WEEKS AGO AND SHE DIDNT REPLY#I am trying so freaking hard and it is not working#and it’s fucking me up because what the fuck did I even do man#I didn’t do anything different#why do people ALWAYS do this I don’t fucking get it#it would’ve been much kinder if she just dropped me from the beginning when I was so hesitant with her#before I got so attached because what she’s doing right now is literally not only torture but so incredibly cruel#like I was getting obsessed with this one girl at work once but she ghosted me relatively early on in the very beginning stages of my#obsession coming into fruition and guess what IM TOTALLY FINE WITH IT NOW#BUT SHE LET THE RELATIONSHIP DEVELOP FOR MONTHS#then introduced a third party then now she doesn’t even acknowledge me#she is making me sewerslidal and it’s literally ruining everything#any time I would try to study I think of her and it freaks me out#every time I try to focus I think of her and it freaks me out#even when I go to sleep bro#like 8 ish weeks ago or so it literally was making me so messed up that if I hadn’t gone outside for a necessary out of uni task then my dad#taking me sight seeing in said area I genuinely don’t know what would have happened#because the level of rage I felt or whatever it was#was the most insane form of genuine torture ever#THIS WHOLE POST SEEMS NEUROTIC AND I’m just like I don’t even know anymore man#but what do I even do atp like bro
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one of my roommates just told me they read my comic… holy shit good thing I didn’t make it a thinly veiled story about how much I hate my roommates like I almost did
#I really did not think either of them would ever read it that’s crazy#ok but tbh#Nelly living in the garage while Brutalia lives in a whole ass house is actually lowkey an exaggeration of my life LOL#I literally live in my room because my roommate moved her BF in and they take over the entire apartment while I am sequestered in my room#LOL#i would never do this because it’s simply not like me but sometimes I think about how I could write like the most scathing letter about how#they were the shittiest roommates ever and leave it for them when I go home…#but I won’t because that’s petty#but I could. it would be so beautiful#I won’t though… it will be satisfying enough to delete their numbers when I’m out of this city for good#I JUST HAVE TO SURVIVE UNTIL MAY (graduation)#if anyone’s ever wondering why I’m so annoying all of the time but ESPECIALLY when I go back to college this is why ok it’s because I live#in One Room#I’ve sat on my couch 4 times in the three years I’ve lived here#I become 800 times more normal every time I go home because I’m able to exist in multiple rooms without third-wheeling two fuckheads#GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no it’s okay.
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living for the fact that nami is the sole owner of the brain cell on the going merry. keeps it in a jar and lets usopp hold it on occasion. sometimes when they particularly annoy her she’ll go in her room and shake the shit out of it.
#one piece#luffy: h—#nami: no#luffy: but i haven’t even said anything yet#nami: but you will and if you want to … 💸💸💸#meanwhile zoro’s taking his third nap and he Can Not Be Bothered#you wanna hold the brain cell? better her than the cook#you wanna use the brain cell? she’s gonna charge you for it!#i’m looking forward to finally meeting chopper! on ep like 55 (??) and every time apis screams it scares the shit out of me 💀#kate watches op
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the fucking audacity of watching the pixar short film “going home” while i’m home for my grandma’s funeral.
#like….. yeah#2 weeks ago i did not know id be here rn#i did not know she would take a turn for the worse this fast#im very thankful things worked out to where i could be here#for my wife and her support and i guess my boss and coworkers for their understanding#i have been lucky to not have been here for the very tough times#im thankful to be here with my family now#theyre doing a lot of new housing in my town now#many buildings i walked by as a kid have been demolished and are being rebuilt#we emptied my grandmas room today. she had only lived there for about 3 weeks before passing#we drive by my mom olds house. the house i grew up in. the new owner still hasnt torn down my old curtains in my old room#the old curtains my grandma had sewn for me when i was a baby#my dad is thinking about moving too. too many new buildings too many new people too much noise#two of my cousins have kids now! and the third one is getting married soonish? her fiance seems nice. he seems like he cares about her#my nephew and niece are so big now. i still havent met my other niece#i wonder if any of my old classmates have had kids? if they moved too?#ill be leaving again on tuesday. itll be a looong day#my parents have more and more grey hairs every time i see them#i dont see my brother as much as id like. hes following his dreams and im proud of him. hes a good kid#anyway the guy who made said short film is literally just like me fr#from germany and had been in the us 5 years (at the time) and making this short film?#just like me fr#anyway. this became one of those diaries for me posts haha#it just really captured how it is really well
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google search how to get people in your life to take your suspicions of inattentive adhd seriously when you’ve been an anxiety-ridden overachiever your entire life
#ITS THE THIRD TIME IVE BROUGHT IT UP. STILL WONT DO ANYTGING ABOUT IT#hate it here both adhd and my (i’m 99% sure actually diagnosed BUT NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING) anxiety cause executive dysfunction#but even just talking about that means they write me off as lazy. i am a fuckin mess and as always am screwing my self up at just the last#second (two weeks before finals) just in time to hate myself. this is why i always pick up a new interest around this time of year#i swear it’s like a fucking clock i cope with anxiety by fixating on reading a gratuitous amount of content on smthn new#every december may and august and it SUCKS bc it DOES NOT HELP ME and i still get by by the seat of pants bc i stay up until fuck o clock am#and get lucky. fuck.#sry for the swear laden vent i realized i have slightly screwed myself AGAIN and am AGAIN annoyed no one takes me seriously when i bring up#my actual inability to get a n y r h i n g done. basically ever#special shout-out at the one who has repeatedly made jokes throughout my life about my inability to follow two step instructions#like hi yeah literally a diagnostic. fucking hell.#yes diagnoses are just collections of observable traits that we group together and yes it’s not completely debilitating but i am near physic#ally incapable of doing anything without a looming deadline EVEN IF I WANT TO and the fact that i am good at last minute bullshiting means#i have no ducking clue how to get a handle on it or even get people to take me seriously about it#>:(((((((
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ok bitter bitch moment, but i HATE when people repeatedly do not even try themselves to do something and just want me to do it for them.
even when it's something absolutely idiotic, like idk, bc of construction works the main entrance to the school is closed but there is literally a sign on the door that explains how else to enter. all you have to do is read and follow instruction. it's not like i did anything different yesterday when i got there. "nooo i still dont know im scared ill wait for you outside so you can show me" why. just get the fuck inside. or like when they ask me the time schedule literally everyday and at one point im like. or you could look it the fuck up. yknow. just how i do. since it is a class you also want to attend. it's not like the school desk calls me personally to let me and only me know. "what trains do i have to take to come see you?" i dont know, what trains are there? why cant you do it for yourself . and like i obviously dont mind being asked for help and offering help in general. i do mind it when people my own age start treating me like im their second mom or something. and i know it takes 2, i could just shut up and not be helpful but then most of the times it damages me as well as them and when it doesnt it is still super fucking annoying bc i have to sit there and listen to them whine and do nothing about anything and just. idk. patiently pretend to feel anything other that pure rage. and that does feel like a waste of my time
#i think another problem is that. most things i figure out by myself and it takes me a lot of time and energy and shit. no one helped me#through it or anything. so why cant you put even a little bit of effort? if i did it it's possible to do it#and like sometimes when i say i previously did something they want to do im just idk. im just saying its possible to do it even though its#hard but immediately theyre like oh can you do it for me then#no i fucking cant??#sorry this all spun from getting a text from friend who is always asking me every info about uni wanting the notes from yesterday and#today and it just drives me up the fucking wall like leave me the fuck alone. figure it out. jfc.#+ today ive also been on edge and got even more on edge whenever ive had to say things all over again a second or third time and#clearly i am still pretty fucking pissed. or at least i thought i had calmed down until i got that text#i keep edging between thinking i am reasonably pissed off and thinking im a fucking pretentious bitch. ugh#x
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Theory of Love is definitely one of the hardest BLs to take seriously that I've watched so far (NOBODY SPOIL ME PLS I am up to ep6 and hoping we're gonna switch at some point from Gun POV to Off POV and turn the perspective on its wet-from-water-bottle-showering head, but I don't KNOW for SURE so don't tell meeee) but one thing I'm really vibing with is just how well it captures the sheer disastrousness of disastrous gay friendships!!!
I don't love watching a bunch of dudes be toxically masculine @ every girl that walks past them (though I understand that this performance is the sibling to the boy craziness I performed at all the girls I was in love with in grade school), but I just love the dynamic within the friends group of like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHY ARE OUR FRIENDS SUDDENLY ALWAYS MAD AT EACH OTHER??? WHERE IS ALL THIS DRAMA COMING FROM?????
The drama is coming from Disastrous Queer Friendship. From two friends who cannot/will not communicate how they feel for each other or why "just" friendship is not working. There is no escaping it my guys all you can do is ride the ship through the storm at your bros' side
#and to be very fair to bone and two they ARE doing their level best to ride that ship through the storm so far!!#no idea what's happening one minute to the next who is in love with who who is mad at who whose side to take#but they are gonna stay in it with their bros!!! support whoever has a crush on whoever!! keep the Gang together through hell or high water#i'm watching this very quickly for me b/c i neeeed that pov switch lol i am going to be fr disappointed if we don't pov switch#BUT DON'T SPOIL ME!!!!!!!!!!#theory of love#dear diary#it's jsut interesting because if i watched this idk 10 years ago i'd be very annoyed w/ both third and khai for a lot of their behavior#third being sooooo bitter every time khai kisses a new girl khai treating third's housework and support the way a spoiled kid does his moms#but it's all just so real in a Disastrous Gay Friendship (tm)#it is so hard to unblur and untangle all the different blurred tangled lines and actually communicate past the giant feelings#when third was like 'i meant to be the third thats his friend but i once again ended up the third thats in love w him. i'm angry at myself'#SO REAL!#he knows he is being unfair but he cant HELP it he doesnt know how to navigate his way out of the role he's caged himself in#friendship isn't a cage but it's real easy to convince yourself it is when you see your queer feelings as a threat to that friendship#and it's real easy to see queer feelings as a threat to friendship if you live in a society!!!!#lol this is prob all self-evident but i am just truly enjoying the messiness#back at it again in the shower with my clothes on. bawling.
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Why are British teenage girls so unhappy? Here’s the answer (Caitlin Moran, The Times, Sep 13 2024)
"The report, by the Children’s Society, found that British 15-year-old girls are the most unhappy in Europe.
British girls aged 10-15 are “significantly less happy” with their life, appearance, family and school than the average boy — and their happiness is still declining.
Boys’ life satisfaction, meanwhile, remains broadly stable. (…)
But I still didn’t have an “aha!” moment about why this so disproportionately affects girls until… I talked to some teenage girls.
It was at a party, and I went to vape with them on the patio. Because I take my nicotine like children do.
“Duh — it’s the boys,” one said when I brought it up, as all the others agreed.
“The boys?” I asked.
My last book, What About Men?, had been all about how much boys struggle these days: their loneliness; their suicide rates. I’d spent the past year feeling very sympathetic towards boys.
“Yeah, well, who do you think they’re taking out their unhappiness on? It’s us,” another girl said.
“One boy at school used to draw a picture every day of how ugly I was,” a third girl said. “Every day for two years.”
“They’ve all got ‘Rate The Girls’ polls on their WhatsApps,” the first said. “They mark you down for weight gain, haircuts, what you say.”
“But then, if you’re hot, it’s just as bad, in a different way, because they’ll be talking about how they want to f*** you.”
The girls discussed coping techniques. Bad news: none of them worked.
“The only way you can stop them is if you become ‘one of the boys’ and hang out with them. But then,” the second girl said with a sigh, “all the other girls call you a slut. Because you’ve gone over to the boys’ side.”
“Surely it’s not all the boys?” I said. “There must be some nice boys?”
“Oh, yeah,” one girl said. “But they keep their heads down. Because… well, look.”
She showed me the Instagram account of her friend. Under every picture she posted of herself — smiling in a new dress; with her dog — dozens of anonymous accounts had replied with the most rank abuse.
“Fat.” “Slut.” “You gonna try and kill yourself again, for attention?”
“They’re all boys from her school,” she said. “And look, this one boy tried to defend her.”
I saw a series of messages from a brave teenage boy, posting things like, “You’re all big men, leaving these replies under anonymous accounts.”
As I could see, this boy immediately became a target too. Mainly accusations that he was “white knighting” this girl: “You wanna f*** her, bro?”
“So,” I asked, “you don’t think it’s social media pressure to be beautiful, or the economy, that’s making girls so sad?”
“Well, yeah, them too,” the first girl said. “But, Monday-Friday, 9-3, I’m not on social media. I’m not… in the economy. I’m just with these boys. And no one talks about how horrible they are.”
I thought about another recent report, showing a 30 per cent ideological gap between Gen Z men, who are increasingly conservative, and Gen Z women, who are increasingly progressive.
I thought about Andrew Tate, who has nine million mostly young male followers — and faces human trafficking charges, which he denies.
And I thought: maybe these girls are on to something. Maybe more people need to vape with teenage girls and ask them for the school gossip."
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