#the thing with my brother's name is. i have my Family Name which is the first name i chose and is my legal middle name
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Shadow and Maria's Complex Relationship
FOR DISCLOSURE: this thread is going to be discussing the complexities of Shadow and Maria’s relationship based on many different factors. Though I will be including the romantic interpretation (NOT a sexual one – I do not support nor condone sexualizing these two, nor any of the characters in Sonic, as they are almost all minors) as a potential, I will not be arguing to assign a definite label to their relationship – I will, in fact, be doing exactly the opposite (I am also not interested in engaging in shipping discourse over Sonic the Hedgehog characters). I would simply like to disclose that that will be discussed in case the topic upsets you and you would prefer to stop reading now. I accept this post may not be received well by some.
SPOILERS FOR SONIC X SHADOW GENERATIONS
So I've had to break out my Tumblr for this - my usual haunt is Twitter/Bluesky, but those don't really allow for longform posts. This is also a major departure from my usual FFXIV posting, so apologies to anyone who follows me for that.
Sonic x Shadow Generations recently dropped, alongside the short animations “Dark Beginnings” as well as the (non-canonical) manga “The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog.” With it, discourse surrounding Shadow and Maria’s relationship has kicked up again, largely in two parties – that Shadow and Maria held a sibling relationship, or that Shadow and Maria held romantic feelings for one another (some people have also argued that Shadow is her uncle, or Maria is his mother, but I won’t be discussing those views). There are arguments for both drawn from a variety of sources – I will do my best to present both (if there are others I've missed, please feel free to comment and I will add them).
For siblings:
This Twitter post of artwork for Dark Beginnings has the following alt text: “Shadow and Maria reach out for one another in an infinite abyss (as long-lost siblings would) with the Moon and the Space Colony ARK in the background."
The manual for Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) describes Maria as “like a sister to Shadow.” I have also seen another screenshot of a different manual that states that Shadow as "like a brother to Maria," but I've been unable to find which manual it is.
Gerald refers to Shadow as “son” during the climax of SxSG.
For romantic:
Maria saying “I love you” in the Japanese version of SxSG uses the kanji “ai shiteru,” whilst her “I love you” in the Japanese version of the manga uses “daisuki.” Whilst it can be used for familial relations, it is apparently very uncommon for both of these to be used outside of romantic intent.
Shiro Maekawa – the original creator of Shadow and Maria – based them (or at least parts of them) off of a romance manga known as “Please Save My Earth” (with Maria sharing the Japanese voice actress for the female lead from the anime), and has frequently supported them together, often retweeting romantic art and posts of Shadow and Maria.
In a recent interview from Sega, Maria touching Shadow’s face in Dark Beginnings was equated to Beauty and the Beast.
For Tanabata – a Japanese festival celebrating the meeting of the deities Orihime and Hikoboshi, and the separation of them as lovers – Sonic Channel posted artwork of Shadow and Maria reading the story beneath the stars. Sonic Channel has also published fanart for Valentine’s Day relating to Shadow and Maria (although they publish a lot of fanart).
Before I go any further, when the topic of Shadow and Maria in a romantic lens comes up, many of the same criticisms arise that I do not believe are fairly levied – namely accusations regarding their age, species, and familial ties. I would like to address – and debunk – these three before we go any further. Keep in mind while you read these – this is not meant to convince you that their relationship was one thing over another, but only to provide validity to a subjective point of view I feel is unfairly stigmatized.
“It’s incest because Shadow is Maria’s brother/uncle(?).”
While there were notions of family stated by both Maria and Gerald, Shadow was grown in a tube with alien DNA and has zero blood relation to the Robotnik family. Whilst there are abstract labels of “like a sister” or “sibling coding” that are only ever applied in a meta sense, neither of them define their relationship in such a way within the lens of the universe. And it is not as if the topic never arises - in Shadow Generations, Maria herself likens young Abraham Tower as akin to her little brother, but she makes no such distinction with Shadow.
“Sibling coding” is ultimately a nothing statement, and unless a proper adoption is made, it does not magically turn romantic feelings towards the two involved into incest. Frames of reference are often informed by what young people are familiar with, and they sometimes lack the proper tools to acknowledge that their feelings towards each other are more complex than they first believe - to say that this is something that potentially occurred with Shadow and Maria is not outlandish, and not a concept unique to Sonic as a series.
Similar examples to this include Clive and Jill from Final Fantasy XVI (Jill is accepted into the Rosfield household and raised alongside Clive and his brother, only to later enter a romantic relationship with him as an adult), Nero and Kyrie from Devil May Cry (Nero is fostered by Kyrie's family and considers Kyrie a sister initially, only for her to become his love interest as adults) and Sidon and Yona from The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (Sidon grows up perceiving Yona as a sister, only to realize his feelings for her are more complex later on). None of these are incestuous relationships, nor is Shadow and Maria’s were it to be romantic.
“It’s bestiality because Shadow is an animal.”
Bestiality is applicable to regular animals that do not hold human sentience of thought, as they are unable to consent to a relationship, like a dog or cat. Shadow is not this, nor are any of the anthropomorphic characters within the Sonic games - were you to change the anthropomorphic animals in Sonic into humans, basically nothing about the series' content would change. All of them are completely sound-minded beings that are essentially just people who look different. Shadow is not Maria’s pet, he is her fully sentient friend that holds the same degree of thought as she does – given that Shadow’s entire arc is about finding his purpose in life, degrading him to simply a lab animal rather than acknowledging he is a person defeats that entire arc (something the manga also touches upon).
A lot of people also cite Sonic and Elise from Sonic ‘06 (namely the scene where Elise kisses the deceased Sonic) as a reason why Shadow and Maria should not be done - while I think it’s valid if you didn’t like watching a human girl kissing Sonic the Hedgehog, I maintain that a good chunk of that disdain stemmed from two major reasons:
Elise was very poorly characterized in her game. She existed to constantly get kidnapped and be saved by Sonic, and so both the relationship and the kiss came off more like pandering than something earned.
Sonic '06 had a bizarrely realistic artstyle for the human characters, whilst all of the animal characters retained their cartoonish appearances. This clash of artstyles looked its worst when Elise kissed Sonic at the game's climax.
Maria, however, does not fall into these pitfalls. She does not exist to be purely a love interest for Shadow - she’s certainly not someone for him to save, as the entire inciting event of Shadow's character is his inability to save her when she saves him.
For a frame of reference, Shadow is more akin to an alien from Star Wars – a setting where humans also exist. It is not bestiality for a Human to hold a relationship with a Twi’lek, as both races are fully anthropomorphic and sentient. On a similar note, Beauty and the Beast is not considered bestiality either, even though the Beast bears obvious animalistic traits. Some people have also entertained the notion of Rouge and Topaz from Sonic X, even though the latter is human. This is all the same principle, and none of it is bestiality.
“It’s creepy because Maria is young.”
Shadow – while said to be ageless – is not an adult, and to imply that he is one is a fundamental misunderstanding of Shadow’s character – whilst there are many instances where he demonstrates maturity on some levels, he has shown much immaturity since his inception in Sonic Adventure 2 (his desire to destroy the world out of revenge for Maria), and his most recent storyline in Generations involves his naïve desire to change Maria and Gerald’s fates (or rather, an initial indifference to what it will bring). Not only that, but his time on the ARK was mired in confusion over the point of his existence – Maria was the one that helped him field through his confusion, and was arguably the more mature one between the two of them. We can safely say that Shadow is not an adult character, nor is he ever presented as one in the lens of the game.
As the closest thing Sonic likely has to an equal in both body and mind (Sonic holds his own immaturities similar to Shadow), he can likely be placed mentally close to his age of fifteen. This is reinforced by the leaked transcript of Sonic ‘06 that refers to Shadow as 15 (the red squared text in this image).
Maria has no canon age established in game material, but Sonic X lists her as 12. 15 and 12 is the same age gap as Sonic and Amy respectively.
In addition to that, many people have claimed that Shadow is over 50 years old, but this is only true of his chronological existence, not the time he has been conscious and aging. He spent 50 years stuck in cryosleep, and awoke exactly how he was when he was placed in there.
A similar example would be Aang and Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender - Aang was frozen at the age of 12, and awoke 100 years later. Nobody, however, tried to claim that he was 112 years too old to kiss the 14 year old Katara, as Aang was physically and mentally still a 12 year old upon awakening - most people who watched the show were also actively rooting for these two characters to kiss, which they did at the show's finale. It's the same principle regarding Shadow - he is 50 chronologically, not 50 in mind or body.
If we’d like to really get into it, I would point out that nearly every character in the lens of Sonic is in and around Maria’s age range (according to the Sonic Channel). As stated previously, Sonic is 15. Amy is 12, Knuckles is 16, Rouge is 18, Blaze and Silver are 14, etc. Nobody bats an eye at notions of romance between any of these people (not that I’m saying they should inherently).
Romantic intent between minors is not inherently viewed as a bad thing - see the examples of Aang and Katara or Clive and Jill above, or for an in house example, consider the canonical (to Sonic X at least) relationship between the 8 year old Tails and Cosmo - yet for some reason when it comes to Shadow and Maria, a relationship is stigmatized.
To reiterate in the wake of the last point, my discussions of romantic intent ARE NOT SEXUAL IN NATURE. As I acknowledge these are minors, any notions of that are completely off the table, and I do not agree with anyone who would imply their relationship was a sexual one. I want to make that unmistakably clear.
My major takeaway from observing both the Sonic fanbase and those on Sonic Team seems to be that in western circles, Shadow and Maria as siblings is the popular perception, whilst in eastern circles, they are more commonly perceived romantically. But ultimately, Shadow and Maria’s relationship seems to have many contradictory signals that makes it hard to pinpoint a concrete definition, especially in the most recent releases – and I believe that this is fully intentional.
Shiro Maekawa has stated in DMs has stated this regarding their relationship when asked if he saw them as siblings or love interests (translated from Japanese):
“I think they have a special bond that is unique to them that doesn’t fall into either of those categories. Just my personal opinion.”
From the way that the two are written post-Sonic Adventure 2, this appears to be a sentiment that is fully carried forward – their relationship is more nuanced than a canonical label would make it. Maria was the only person who made Shadow feel loved, and Maria unquestionably loved him back. What kind of love that was is up to the viewer, especially given that Maria died when they were both young, before they even had a chance to expand upon their relationship, if that was ever on the table – not that they needed to, given that their bond seems to have transcended both labels. Maria was the only one who acknowledged Shadow as more than an experiment or a weapon, and Shadow was her rock in an environment where she was isolated away from her family and home. Maria was Shadow's person, and still remains that in death.
To disclose for me personally (in case it was not obvious), I have always interpreted their relationship as romantic - or at least having romantic implications - ever since playing Sonic Adventure 2 Battle and Shadow the Hedgehog when I was a kid. I have both a fiancé and a sibling, and the way they treat each other is far more evocative of how I treat the former than the latter (especially in Dark Beginnings – I do not imagine my sibling through a shoujo filter while I wistfully think about cuddling them in a field of flowers). I do not take the awkwardly placed alt text verbiage from the Sonic Twitter account, used to fake-argue with the Wendy’s Twitter account, as gospel for anything, and I think that treating it as a damning disproval is silly. Had she lived, I believed the complex feelings they held would have been identified as romantic down the line. The relationship always just read as too intimately charged for me to perceive as siblings (it still does especially in the wake of seeing how she touches and speaks to him), even before I had a serious relationship. I think that arguing the nitty gritty over Twitter alt text and translations is silly, as all it took for me to takeaway that the relationship was still romantic was to play the game, watch the animations, and read the manga for Shadow Generations - but that's just me.
That said, I will concur that if you are weirded out by romantic notions between the two of them, that is completely understandable, and I would never argue that you should not feel what you feel for yourself. The sibling viewpoint is also wholly valid an interpretation, with or without word from a meta source. Though she had her grandfather and later Abe, she was largely alone on the ARK away from a family that she clearly loved and missed, and it’s not unusual to presume that Shadow filled in the role of a brother for her. I will also acknowledge that many things I have not mentioned - such as Shadow blushing at Maria calling him cool, or her saying "I love you" in general - are not inherently indicative of romantic intent, and can be read as fully platonic interpretations, and I find those that try to state that the romantic interpretation is the objective one just as irritating as those that state the sibling interpretation is the objective.
My intent is only to dispute the idea that romantic interpretations, and the people who hold them, deserve to be scrutinized. The pairing is completely innocent, and the treatment people have received for believing them to be romantic is obscene. Sweeping blanket statements have been made to insult all who do (some going as far as to wish death and harm upon them), all just based on subjective viewpoints held by people who see them platonically. The fact that there is so much discourse surrounding this topic, and that there is evidence enough on both ends to make an argument, means that Sega has intentionally left the relationship up to interpretation - including the romantic take.
Everyone unclutch your pearls.
But with all that said, I will reiterate that this post was not meant to convince anyone of one thing or another, but rather that both interpretations of their relationship are valid, as it is essentially a secret third thing that transcends both labels and is special only to them. Strictly defining their relationship as “siblings” or “love interests” (even as someone who perceives them romantically, I would never want that to be definitively confirmed for this reason) is deconstructing what is perhaps the most nuanced part of a series that does not always tend to be terribly nuanced, and a definition matters far less than acknowledging what Maria means to Shadow in the present – he is who he is because of her, and because of that, he is now living a life for himself. Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) ended in a way that had Shadow let Maria go, and Shadow Generations ends with him carrying her forward with him after accepting her loss. She was, and will always be, the person who loved Shadow - however you define that love is up to you.
Nothing has ever been hard confirmed by Sega, no matter how much either side wants to pretend it has been.
In summary, both points of view regarding Shadow and Maria’s relationship are simultaneously true and not true – it is a matter of interpretation according to the viewer what their feelings towards each other were, yet their relationship in the lens of what it is now after the tragedy of their existence (even before Maria died) is purposefully indefinable, and it should remain that way. Nobody should ever try to say that Shadow and Maria are definitively something - that goes for both points of view. I doubt it will, but I hope this goes towards removing the stigmas towards one of the more nuanced parts of this series, as nuance in Sonic the Hedgehog - frankly - does not come along very often, and it would be nice if that were encouraged rather than smothered.
Thank you for reading.
#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#shadow generations#sonic x shadow generations#dark beginnings#shadow dark beginnings#sonic the hedgehog#shadaria#shadria#shadow x maria#ark siblings#シャドマリ
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stancest prompt :3 teen! stans getting handsy in the locker room after a boxing match
another one im combining together and um anon sorry this took soooo long, im gomma be honest this was my most excited to write but it turned out sm more experimental than i expected. not sure about the end result but i suppose i could always write a second version because i just had too many ideas for this one in particular lmaooo I went with Ford having some secret sadism he is very badly repressing so thats where the freaky style comes in
And uh, another ford pov. ive gotta write one in stans eventually lmao
~~
Ford never liked boxing lessons.
He never liked that the air was rich with sweat and dust barely ventilated through the hotbox of a gym, leaving every kid melting into pools of themselves. He never liked the sounds of rubber gloves meeting skin in vicious smacks. He never liked how their god awful, shitty coach would pit his favorites against the littlest guys of the rack, watching the big kids pummel new and inexperienced in some sick delusion that he was honing their skills but really, he was nothing more than a bully letting other bullies have a sick little power trip. Ford has been on the opposite side of those fists, in and out of the ring. He knows how this works, he knows how it plays out.
If there was one thing to like about boxing lessons, it was how getting called a "freak" im the middle of a match had gotten him a couple unsavory wins (but wins nonetheless) himself through sheer rage. Ford hadn't cared about playing fair then— he doesn't have anything to prove. Not to them.
Stan would usually agree, but this is where another one of their most fundamental differences rises: Stan loves boxing.
Ford doesn't know why, nor can he truly begin to fathom how. Back when they were children, Stan had a bigger target on his back for their instructors to send their seasoned trainees after. He was tempermental, but he didn't have Ford's wit and only ever swung his fists around desperately. He got provoked into losing his focus so easily, one second he's standing, the other he's being pinned on the mat. He was always the stronger twin between them, sure, but what's good with being a strong kid in a room full of stronger kids? Most of all: he was an emotional wreck after losing, which happened really often.
Stan fell hard and cried harder. And he was beaten down for it even more in the ring, and even outside of it. Moses knows their father didn't take Stan 'embarrassing' the family very well.
And Ford knows the way he used to have swab cotton and disinfectant onto his brother's swelling face.
Ford never liked that. Ford hated that.
But Stan didn't. Stan always came back, barely healed and raring for more
And now—
"And the winner— Stanley Pines!"
The name call catches Ford off guard, dragging him back into reality as the crowd around them whoops excitedly. Up in the ring, Stan is pumping his fists in a little victory lap while his opponent slinked off to the opposite corner. Ford scans, his attention on Stan's body, seeing the usual bruises that would litter his sweaty chest and broad shoulders, some landing even on his jaw. Stan rips his gloves off and spits out his mouthguard and that's when Ford sees it.
There's a cut on his top lip, small but red and angry, bleeding into his mouth. Stan's eyes meet Ford's and he grins, not bothered by the injury as soon as he saw his brother, teeth stained red and wet with blood and spit.
For whatever unholy reason, Ford's stomach stirs at the sight of it, an aching need popping but not that Ford knows what that need actually is. The need to take care of Stan again? The need to strangle Stan because even though he clearly doesn't need these classes anymore, he still keeps going? The need to take Stan by the shoulders and—
Then Stan winks at Ford. And that makes Ford's body stiffen, skin burning, making the quiet twist in his gut deepen further.
"And you're going to drop out after this, right?"
They're in the locker room, lucky to have it all to themselves after everyone else has packed up and left after the final fight. Something had come up in shop and their parents hadn't been able to watch Stan's match, but Stan was excited to retell his great victory or whatever it is. That's not Ford's priority, and hell it shouldn't even be Stan's.
"Wha?" Stan asks incredously, to which Stanford immediately muffles with a damp towel pressing against his lip. The bleeding has slowed down enough for Ford to finally focus on after checking the other bruises and inspecting the rest of Stan's body for any more injuries before he showers. There wasn't any more, thank God, but Ford hates having to check in the first place. His brother's casual confusion ate at his nerves now too, as if Ford said something ridiculous, or he just didn't hear Ford right.
Well, Ford has no issue repeating.
"You're going to stop taking boxing classes, right?" Ford say again. Stan's brow furrowed in confusion, which Ford ignores, as he carefully dabs at his lip. "I mean, at this point it's just pointless to keep it up when you've been going for years."
"Pff, as if. I ain't stopping now," Stan replies, and Ford frowns. "Why would I?"
"Stan... you're bleeding. You're hurt."
Stan chuckles. "Yeah? I always am after a match. Earth to Super Genius Poindexter: the point is to hit each other."
"You shouldn't be bleeding this much," Ford says, gesturing to his brother's face, the cut open lip.
"Aw, Sixer, you've seen worse on my face than that, and look at it. Still prettier than yours."
"Ha, ha. Very funny." Ford huffs, annoyed that Stan clearly isn't taking this seriously. Of course Ford has seen worse, has taken care of Stan when it was worse, but it doesn't mean he likes it. It doesn't mean he likes watching Stan get pummeled even if he wins. Doesn't mean he likes that Stan is sore and winded out after a match. Doesn't mean he likes seeing his brother sweaty and exhausted and turning to Ford's hands for care and comfort, malleable into whatever Ford could want.
He doesn't like that. At all.
Stan chuckles. "I got a match next Thursday, I can't stop now!"
Ford pouts, not understanding how that could possibly more important to Stan than his own brother's request. As if he's saying he doesn't believe that stopping his lessons, stopping this, is what Ford would actually want. Which is—
"Besides," Stan interrupts his train of thought, leaning into Ford slightly, palm on the bench they occupied. "You know I ain't mind the pain, whatever it is you're freaking out about. I'm used to it."
"Stan—"
"In fact," Stan continues, using that voice he pulls to mock Ford's use of that very phrase. He grins that bloody, toothed grin again. "I kinda like it."
The twist in Ford's gut tightens once more, and all he can think is fine. Fine.
Taking his free hand to the back of Stan's neck, he crushes his mouth against Stan's, ignoring his twin's pained gasp when the split lip comes in hard contact with Ford's. He doesn't push or pull away, and doesn't protest when Ford doesn't let up, kissing him and sucking on his lips like a man on a mission. The rich, rusty tang of blood lands on his tongue, filling up his mouth and Ford moans against Stan.
Stan barely exhales out of amusement. "I knew you were into freaky stuff like that."
"Shut up."
Smashing their mouths again, Ford drops the towel in his hand to run hands through the sweat drenched hair. Practically crawling onto Stan's lap, his warm, meaty thighs under his ass. God. Ford's been waiting for this. If anything was worth sitting through another one of those matches it was seeing his brother, dripping with sweat and bulging with muscles.
And having him all alone in his hands for 'immediate care'.
And feeling his hips grind against Stan's own underneath him or having Stan's hand around his leaking cock while they finish each other in the confines of the locker room like they have so many times before.
Cupping Stanley's face and craning his neck up, pulling him into a deeper kiss while Stan's hands go under his shirt, calloused hands on Ford's back and belly and squeeze. Ford makes a sound at the back of his throat, making him ache for some kind of retaliation. Instead of allowing Stan's prodding tongue access, Ford pulls back, taking Stan's bottom lip in his teeth and biting down. Hard. Stan jolts underneath him.
"Ow. Fuck, Ford."
"Oh, I though you liked that?" Ford sarcastically quips, not waiting to hear the "yeah, yeah, keep going" to continue kissing and abusing Stan's already injured lips. Blood is in his mouth again from the earlier cut, and damn it it tastes good and it feels good. It's raw. Violent.
For a second Ford almost felt the appeal of the sport itself. The primal and animalistic need to hurt someone asking for it presents itself in Ford in hearing the pained moans Stan makes the more he roughly grinds his hips and presses fingers into bruises and nip at his lips and pull at his hair. It's cathartic, and it twists sparks in him like a lightning bolt, setting nerves on fire.
And this time Ford caused it to Stan. His dick is straining against his pants, begging for release, with Stan's hand rubbing against him through the fabric. Ford's own were running over his bruised, sweaty skin and sore muscles that he hadn't realized that Stan hadn't even showered yet. But Ford is going to need one too when they're done anyway, so he pulls the band of Stan's shorts enough to release his hard cock. Stan unbuttons his own pants, eyes on their cocks now, licking at his red, abused lips while Ford steadies himself on his shoulder, touching them both into completion.
"Ford..." Stan mutters adoringly and Stanford just loves the way he lets Ford take care of him like this, loves the way he goes weak in Ford's hands. Loves the way he shakes while he comes Ford's hands, and loves the way Stan obeys while Ford drags him to the shower, ready to arrive home late after another good match.
Ford liked that. Ford loved that. And he dislikes boxing lessons a little less everytime.
#stancest#OKAY IN MY DEFENSE FOR THIS#I WAS SLEEPY ALL WEEKEND#ask#my writing#i really like fords pov i really like ford being into blood
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The Merciless Timeline
@inashoe and I have been talking lately and it got me thinking about The Merciless timeline.
First, we have to remember that the movie has flashbacks to pre-prison (probably 2013-2014) and the main timeline past the prison, which happens in 2016-2017 (I'm leaning more towards 2017).
I assume Hyunsoo was born in 1990. He is a rookie cop, even if he spent some time working for Golden Cranes. I would say he was around 23-24 before being sent to prison. He would be around 27 when he's out.
Jaeho could have been born around 1970, because between Hyunsoo and him is 20 years, more or less. I'm basing it on what he said to Hyunsoo:
"Even the boss I dedicated 20 years to is trying to backstab me with a smile on his face." "I got started here at your age. Do you know how many have betrayed me in those years?"
His parents died when he was 12 (so around 1982?) and he ended up in an orphanage. When he was a teenager, he began selling drugs. According to the priest in prison:
"Han started by dealing meth in his teens".
Then around 1997, he began working for Ko Byungchul. Once again:
"Even the boss I dedicated 20 years to is trying to backstab me with a smile on his face."
That would make him 27 then, so kind of old, but it also makes sense that first Jaeho would have to go to the military and then work with Byunggap on smaller illegal things to prove himself). He moved to Busan with Ko in 2008, at age 38. He could be around 43 when he was sent to prison and then 47 when he was released.
Now, in a police meeting, before Chun send Hyunsoo to prison, it is said that Ko Byungchul aka Chairman Ko is 52, so he was born in 1962, making him 8 years older than Jaeho. He used to provide strippers for a Russian bar in Seoul before he partnered up with Vladivostok's Gegard mob. In 2008 he relocated to Busan and founded Oceane/Oceans Trading, an aquatic importer.
Ko Byunggap is likely to be Jaeho's age (or really, really close) because he calls Jaeho '친구' (chingu). He's also Chairman Ko's nephew, which is interesting because according to my math, Ko Byungchul was 8 when Ko Byunggap was born. Byunggap mentions that it was his uncle who gave him up for an orphanage, which means that Byungchul had to be an adult then. So my lose theory is that Byunggap could be around 15 then when his parents died (that would make Byungchul 23). Byungchul could have given Byunggap up so he wouldn't get in his way.
That means that Byunggap's father was Byungchul's older brother and Ko brothers could have 10-year age difference because Byunggap's dad should have been at least 18 when he had him (I know he could be younger but let's go with the legal age).
What's interesting, although Byungchul calls Byunggap nephew, they both have 'Byung' in their names and that makes me wonder because in Korea children from the same generation and the same family can have a syllable in common. Maybe they are cousins? Because I don't remember Byunggap naming Byunggap's father as his brother. But this is just a small speculation because I don't know if '조카' literally means 'brother's son' or simply 'blood relative'. I will stick to Bynggap's dad being Byungchul's older brother.
The only person whose age we actually know for sure is Hyunsoo's mom, Jung Kyunghee. Because unfortunately it was inscribed on the tree dedicated to her after she died. She was born on 18th August 1962 (so same as Byungchul according to my math). If she gave birth to Hyunsoo in 1990 that means she was 28 then. And she died on 7th May 2014 at the age of 52.
So, summarising my estimated timeline: 1962 - Ko Byungchil and Jung Kyunghee are born. 1970 - Han Jaeho and Ko Byunggap are born. 1982 - Jaeho's parents die. 1982-1987 - Byunggap gets to orphanage. 1990 - Hyunsoo is born. 1997 - Jaeho and Byunggap began working for Ko Byungchul. 2008 - Ko Byungchul moves his business to Busan and takes Byunggap and Jaeho with him. 2013 - Jaeho is sent to prison, Hyunsoo works for the Golden Cranes gang. 2013-2014 - Hyunsoo is sent to prison. 2014 - Hyunsoo's mom is killed. 2017 - Jaeho and Hyunsoo are released and the movie begins.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
If you have different informations or other theories I would love to listen!
#the merciless#han jaeho#jo hyunsoo#korean movie#sol kyung gu#yim siwan#ko byungchul#ko byunggap#hyunsoo's mom#jung kyunghee#불한당#한재호#조현수#고병갑#고병철#the merciless 2017#if I could put so much effort and thought to my usualy work as I put in to that movie#timeline
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Bodyguard Tamlin!
I don't normally have Modern AU's for Tamlin but this post got me thinking. With Tamlin's military upbringing and his core being a protector I was like hmmm a bodyguard could work!
So, here's a little play on Ana Huang's Twisted Games:
Tamlin hails from a distinguished line of aristocrats yet he often feels like the black sheep of his family. Unlike his father and brothers, he does not take to politics and scheming. However, he finds solace in the fact that his family has upheld the long-standing tradition of enlisting in the military.
During his service, he discovers that he is not only skilled in combat but also has a deep drive to protect others. Once his term is completed he chooses to put this newfound passion into private security. This decision did not sit well with his father. Tamlin was accused of being a disgrace to the family name. The taunts of his brothers, the disappointment of his father, and his reticent mother caused a massive rift between himself and his family.
Years later, cut off from his family's love and wealth, Tamlin established himself as an elite bodyguard. His latest assignment is protecting a royal. A princess to a small nation. She was someone he had known in passing. She had an air of entitlement. This was precisely the type of client he refused to work with. However, when work was scarce, you took what you got.
Tamlin took his job very seriously. The princess did not. She defied him at every turn. Determined to have freedom in her highly monitored life.
Needless to say, they hated each other.
Despite their mutual dislike, the job continued on for months. The ice between them melted as they began noticing unexpected things about each other.
The princess found that her brooding bodyguard had a softer side. She would catch glimpses of it when he would get lost in the musicals he reluctantly attended with her. She found him writing in journals when he wasn't on active duty. Sneaking a peek over his shoulder, she found bits of poems and musical compositions. There was also a darker side to him that she was yet to crack. Bits of hurt and trauma that seeped through his hard façade. She had the urge to learn everything about him.
Tamlin found himself empathizing with the girl. Underneath her carefree exterior was a heart he was not expecting. Genuine care for others and a passion for fighting for their rights. This extended to animals as well. He found her volunteering at their local animal shelter. One, he was a regular at. He spent most of his days off rehabilitating and caring for these animals. All these actions of hers had him feeling like she was much more than just a job.
You can fill in the rest... :)
A little quote from the book that so perfectly describes what I'd like for Tamlin
I met a woman who cracked my ironclad defenses like no one had before. Someone who loved the rain and animals and Rocky Road ice cream on quiet nights. Someone who saw all my scars and ugliness and still found me worthy, and somehow, someway, she’d filled the cracks in a soul I never thought would be whole again
Notes on Tamlin: - Broody (of course), is righteous however he will do anything it takes to protect his client. - Comes off as a quiet, private person. He exists to protect, not to become their friend - Can hurt others if need be but ensures that prevention of such situations is the no.1 priority. - Spends his free time chasing his passions. Whether it's mastering a new musical instrument, composing music, or writing poems/limericks. - Would become a vet if he could, settles for helping instead. - He lives in a small apartment in the city which he despises. He values peace and quiet and nature. He misses his family manor in the countryside. However, his job requires him to be more accessible - His brothers remain a thorn in his side. Popping up every few months just to kick him down. - His mother reaches out every now and then. The two of them would meet up for lunch or dinner. She does not help right the situation but she does show him love and compassion during these times so he takes what he gets - His father is virtually nonexistent. It hurts more than he'd like to admit. - A part of him is grateful to be away from the fakeness of polite society. - Makes friends along the way, Lucien, the only fellow noble he can stand. Keeps him in the loop. Rhysand, another bodyguard who taught him the ropes when he first joined.
Welcome to our Tamlin Community game: Headcanons!
Every headcanons post, we'll drop a prompt asking you for your take on the prompt and our beloved Tamlin.
Fun fact: Did you know headcanons posts count as submissions during Tamlin Week? Headcanons are a great way to participate if you don't have time to create more time consuming submission and we love, love, love hearing all the different ways Tamlin is perceived!🤩
This is a space to share your adoration and your creativity, so don't be shy -- reblog or chat with fellow Tamlin enjoyers in the notes!
What are your MODERN AU Tamlin headcanons?
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Howdy peepers, I've been feeling pretty down lately but I think I'm on the right path to snap out of it!
See yall on monday hopefully
#to be honest recent political news got me anxious and just.. disheartened#not gonna lie rather depressed#but i guess that's a normal reaction#god it's just so awful#change of subject- i might be a bit burned out too because of all the stressing i subjected myself to this month#but worries be damned my grades ain't overall half bad#THO you just can't catch a break when it comes to college it seems#like we have to sign up for our classes on this website#based on your major obviously#and some people just don't pick the right classes hhhhh#and you see the waiting list for the class you need to sign up to is full because the goofs don't know what their course code is#which is weird like 😭 maybe there's a GOOD reason why your group mates' names aren't on the class list#because you didn't pick the right one aaaaaa#get outta here fella pleaaase#also on an unrelated note: it turns out i have a mild case of rosacea#it's not that suprising skin conditions run in the family#my mom's side of family at least#like my grandpa had rosacea. my mom has it too. my sister had acne (not anymore tho). my older brother too has something going on#i just thought i got lucky and inherited my dad's skin but guess not 💀#funniest thing is that almost everything makes rosacea act up#heat? cold? spicy food? stress? exercise? stress? alcohol? GODDAMN SUNLIGHT???#you name it#so yeahh not pleasant#if it won't get better mom will make an appointment with a dermatologist#uhh.. i guess that's all i wanted to say#for now at least#miss you guys hope all of you have been doing well :'>#random squeak
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customer making small talk at work: [legal name] is a good name, i've always liked unique names
me: yeah, so did my parents!
customer, who also clocked my pronouns & definitely just assumed i meant 'Actually, that's my birth name': oh, really?
me, who has a similarly unique birth name but also i inadvertently stole my brother's name with one syllable changed and i dont want to get into all that while ringing up her shopping: haha yeah. i like it though!
#yelling at clouds#work shit#then she told me how she named her daughter smth unique but everyone mishears it as smth more boring#and her daughter was there so i got to make commiserating eye contact#the thing with my brother's name is. i have my Family Name which is the first name i chose and is my legal middle name#but it doesn't start with the right letter and that's why i picked a different first name#and it took me starting a job and actually using the first name for it to click that it is only one syllable off my brother's#idk if my parents realised this before i did. they never mentioned it.#BUT my BIRTH name is almost only one syllable off my SISTER'S name so like it's their fault. for having a naming convention.#if you don't want your kids names to sound very similar dont have them all start with the same letter#anyway this was a couple weeks ago i was just reminded of it
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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I'm not out yet, but I was able to get away with wearing a pride shirt that my grad school department made. Today was the first time I wore it in public. I'm working at the school library right and someone came up to me and told me they liked my shirt and happy pride. I'm over here smiling and trying not to cry. That was the first time someone told me happy pride in real life. Today's a great day. Happy Pride y'all!!
#I was honesty a little nervous about wearing the shirt#my mom actually bought it for me at this ceremony but she wanted to get me another shirt that represented the event#but i always wanted to get this one so she ended up buying me both#when i first brought it home my brother made a comment about the rainbow and did it have to say pride#i never wore it since because i didn't want him to say anything#anyways at work i have name tag with my pronouns on them 'she/they'#which I've only told my friend and i keep it at work so my family doesn't know#it's pretty sad how i have to hide part of myself when I'm at home but nice to see the community outside of my house#my family aren't the only people in the world and that's not going to be my life forever#I'm trying to practice gratitude and find the little things in life every day so I don't get all down about everything else#it helps for the most part#one comment can really mean so much to a person and change their day#i know today was a good day#happy pride#lgbt#queer#pride#nonbinary#aroace
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(feeling a little bad about not having updated anything even though i have Very Good Reasons of real life existing, so have a snippet of Sometimes a Family Is from The Vault!) I have not yet finished the part of this series where Echo and Fives actually reunite, and in fact a large part of me wants to completely revamp what already exists because I'm insane like that, but we're all here for angsty fluff about clones being dads anyway right? I present to you: Fives agonising over what to name the kids who are totally not his kids.
"You know you'll have to name them sometime," Echo said, leaning against Fives as they watched the two youngest kids work together to painstakingly sort shapes into holes. He squinted at the toy they were using. "Is this dexterity training?"
"Dogma said something about pattern recognition," Fives said. "Or - something. He panic reads parenting help articles and I can't keep track anymore. What am I supposed to name them? It feels wrong just giving them a name. They haven't had a chance to find out who they are yet. What if I give them the wrong one?"
"Right," Echo said. "What a tragedy, having someone else name you. Didn't you start Echo?"
"I think that was Cutup," Fives said. "The Kaminoans' little echo." He sounded nostalgic. Echo, having been the victim of that particular barb, was much less so.
"My point is either they grow into it or they get to pick a new one later," Echo said. "But you can't call them the blue one and the brown one forever."
"Who's calling them that?" Fives looked like he was ready to pick a fight about it. Echo tried not to laugh.
"Ven," he said. "You better act fast."
"I don't know where to start," Fives said. "Mine was easy."
"Fives, we picked our names because we had to," Echo said. "I know it's daunting, but - if you don't pick a name for them, it says you didn't care enough to give them better than what we got. I know that's not true. But they're, what, two? Three? They won't know anything more than their namelessness for a long, long time."
His brother swallowed, eyes fixed on the two children as the Pantoran bit solemnly into the edge of a plastic star. It was big enough not to fit in the kid's mouth, and they seemed content to gnaw at it with their purple gums.
"Dogma's got to be able to track down a baby name list or eight," Fives said finally. "We should look for Pantoran names, right? You're supposed to connect kids to where they're from."
That sounded like something Fives and Dogma would know better than Echo. The only kid he'd had to worry about until finding Fives out here was Omega, and she was a clone like any other. Kamino was where they'd come from, but not somewhere they ever really wanted to go. Then again, maybe that proved it: it must be nice for kids like the Jedi younglings in front of him to grow up knowing there was somewhere holding a place for them.
#star wars#clone wars#snippets and sneak peeks#arc trooper echo#arc trooper fives#ALSO just so we're clear dogma and fives are in the parenting trenches together but as brothers. for anyone unfamiliar#they each have their own adopted kids and they are not shipped in any way PLEASE#fun fact: the kaminoans' little echo thing was a name origin i invented for the dead brothers rescue coalition series.#all my works belong to an interconnected multiverse and i change only the base premise of the story#which is sometimes small headcanons like that. sometimes massive things like the fact that in the background of EVERY STORY of mine#there's a whole network of clones and ex-slaves helping clones desert. this is rarely mentioned bc it's rarely important to the main story.#(except. of course. with the clone rebellion fic. where it IS the story.)#all this to say: these tags are foreshadowing some of my deserter ocs meeting Ven and co someday#sometimes a family is#has it been long enough has everyone stopped reading the tags? good these next two are kind of spoilers#Coral (oc)#Kozo (oc)
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Now it can be stressful living with a sibling you’re not out to. But it definetly has its moments of accidental comedy.
Exhibit A: My brother, upon trying to go through my phone’s pictures, saying “Typical girl!” when I told him to shove off. The photos he would have seen were posters for drag events, screenshots of discount codes for packers, 80 pictures of various historical trans men and a lot of Napoleonic War dress uniforms
Exhibit B: “So you’re like, a lesbian, right? Do girls like cannabalism?” Apparently he was trying to get advice on how to ask someone out. This was immediately followed by “Do they like Arctic or Antarctic explorers more?” Oh, buddy. I didn’t know how to break it to him that I’m not a good measure of what The Ladies are into these days (see Exhibit A)… Also, don’t start any conversation with do you like cannabalism if you want to date that person.
Exhibit C: “My classmate asked what your pronouns are and I told her you didn’t have any.”
Exhibit D: “You know [The Theatre] you go to? I met someone who knew you and she called you a ‘he’ and a ‘they.’ So you do drag or something?”
#I’m just sat here like.#mhm. yep. mhm.#but PLEASE don’t try using cannabalism as a flirting device#polar exploration SURE. go for it#it’s yet to work for me but I’ve made a few friends out of it#to my brother I’m just this super butch-y lesbian#I’m not about to explain bisexuality and the spectrum of gender to my brother#not bc he’s transphobic (he genuinely doesn’t care literally the most apathetic person I’ve ever met)#but because it’s like talking to a brick wall….#like. it’d literally not be worth the effort. he’s got no idk reference point I guess#’so re: the wide and vast spectrums of sexuality and gender I fall YES into man but am not male and yet my experiences with masculinity —‘#HE SAW MY CHOSEN NAME ON MULTIPLE ENVELOPES FROM PEN PALS. HE HAS NOT PUT 2 & 2 TOGETHER#honestly it’s on him at this point….#it is COMPLETELY on him at this point if he still thinks I’m a Woman lmaooo#I literally called myself his brother the other day I’m crying#’sibling’ or ‘brother’#if I didn’t know him I’d assume he was just trying to be polite and not nosey#but I do know him. and he 100% would be crawling up my ass#it’s less of a safety thing and more of a ‘I just don’t have the mental energy’ thing#also he might tell our family which WOULD be a safety thing
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family trauma dumping time
#so like#anyone who knows me knows that i was estranged from my dad's parents since i was like 5#like nah fuck those assholes#i didnt attend their funerals and neither did any of my siblings or my parents#there was a tornado before one of their funerals and my sister said it was the gates of hell opening up for her#i literally forget most people have 4 grandparents as standard bc i only ever had 2. those other people weren't my family#i also have a big mixed up family with lots of really super amicable divorces so for me family is very much whoever puts in the effort#ANYWAY i discounted those assholes so completely#that when it came time to choose my middle name i picked joseph#which was my brother's name but he died way before i was born#and it was literally like. a year after picking that and after i had finally gotten it legally changed#that i even CONSIDERED that it means my middle name is my dad's father's name#like. just did not even put that together#and now it's just kind of a 'heh weird' thing#like nah i did not name myself in your honor. i named myself for him#anywayyyy#(also i find it kinda funny that i spent my whole life chafing at being compared to my dead sister. then i name myself for my dead brother.)#(not intentional just funny)
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May not feel great rn but tomorrow I get to see my best friend and we’re exchanging gifts and then afterward I’m going with my sister to pick up a cat
#I don’t talk about this best friend on here a lot lately but he’s great and I love him#platonically and romantically#I’ve had a crush on him for uhh 9 years teehee#he doesn’t know I still feel that way or at least I hope he doesn’t because I don’t wanna make him uncomfy#we dated back in 2013 but I was a pos then and cheated on him because I give in to peer pressure#I’m serious about that btw like the chick that convinced me to cheat when we were official I went over to a friends house and she thought I#would cheat on her because I was so easy to convince the first time lmao#anyway that was forever ago and I am very very different now and would kill past me tbh for that teehee#this is the best friend that stayed with me after I cut off everyone because they stayed friends with my abuser#he’s literally the fucking best and I love him so much and I hope we always stay friends despite my Crazy lol#but also CAT INFOOOO okay so me and my sister went to our local pet store and they partner with a specific shelter? idk I can’t give the#name out because the only pet store listed on their website is the one we go to and that’s too much info about where I live lmao#ANYWAY I was more just showing her the two 4 month old brothers I saw the other day because they’re cute and I was hoping I’d see they were#adopted which they weren’t but they’re chatty kittens they’ll be gone soon tbh probably snatched up for Christmas#but so I had just been there two days ago on the 16th and we went on the 18th and one new cat was there#a 1 1/2 year old black cat named Morticia!! she was so cute they had a hot pink collar and bell on her and her file said she gets along well#with dogs and other cats (perfect for us we live with our parents still so full house) and it said she loves to be held and talked to ☹️☹️☹️#and her arrival date? the 16th so I just missed her but ALSO that’s one of our family dog’s birthday he turned 5 that day!!#also learned today Morticia had three kittens who have all been adopted and you’ll never guess their names#Wednesday pugsly and thing teehee#the fact that cat is just named Thing is so fucking funny#anyway my sister was petting her and she rolled into it ☹️ got head scratches and ear rubs and THEN I was filling out the application for he#while we waited for our parents to call us back and Morticia LAID HER HEAD IN MY SISTERS HAND ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#so yeah my sister fell in love and the naming matches so well with her other cat who is about 2 years old now who’s a long haired tortoise#named Magnolia !! she’s a really chill cat who when it comes to other cats if the cat likes her she likes the cat but she’s also the younges#cat we have rn but my cats half adore her and half dgaf like my older two just want to be left alone by the animals and loved on by humans#but my younger two (8 and 5) still act like babies and run around like kittens so they love magnolia and she loves them so I have no doubt#Morticia is gonna fit in just fine and we don’t have to change her name!!#idk about y’all but we like always change our pets’ names when we adopt them and sometimes I’m glad we do because we have an anxious big#mutt doggie and we named him Chimmy which worked out well because he’s kinda silly and goofy and yknow neurodivergent but his og name?
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when i was a kid the idea of like surprise birthday parties was so like. idk i wanted it and it never happened but now its actually like. gonna happen to me but at a really really bad time when i am going to be very stressed and whatever the surprise thing is will probably make it worse so its like. hmm. early birthday gift of being nauseous with anxiety a month in advance
#my brother had good intentions telling me but also like. i have been tearing up all night and when i tried to explain my reservations to him#i just felt stupid so its. mm. this sucks#its also weird bc like. guuuhhgg i had a weird Thing a while ago that was apparently really bad i guess#so it feels like. idk. my mother trying to 'fix' that with this. so i feel like i cant say no to it#(especially bc she doesnt know i kinda know about it)#but its also like. well. when it happens i might really really freak out badly and that would ruin things for everyone. right.#kind of feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place here bc like i WANT to talk to my mother abt this but also again she doesnt know#that i know and i dont want her to be disappointed that my brother said something to me. even though i dont know what the surprise is#just that there is one planned#also in recent years ive realized i get i suppose anxious when people get me gifts i havent Asked for#so surprises like this arent really my thing anymore. i think when i was a kid i mostly wanted one bc in tv shows theres always a lot#of people there for it and i was a lonely child.#anyway i realize this is something of a stupid thing to complain about#in my defense i feel like a lot of things that should be 'about me'#(however self centered that sounds. it makes me wince to say trust me.)#are made to be more about other people namely my immediate family.#so like my gender isnt about me its about how my mother feels about it. and my birthday isnt about me its about other people celebrating it#again ik ik its a stupid complaint. just saying that because of that *points up* which ive been feeling for nearly 10 years now#its all a bit of a tender bruise. emotionally speaking. for me.#personal
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I am very single and nowhere near marriage and having to worry about this any time soon, but I’ve come to the decision that if I marry a woman someday I’d really be open to any of the last name options. I take hers, she takes mine, we each keep our own, hyphenate, or pick something new together? They all sound nice to me and I’d want to make that decision together for what makes both of us happy.
However, on the off-chance that I do marry a man, he’s going to have to be okay with taking my name 👍
#my auntie is getting married soon I’ve got weddings on the brain#on the other hand I have an extremely english last name and making someone take it could be British imperialism……….#but on another hand the name came from the Irish side of the family so. I’m not sure what my point is#also I still think the idea of a name legacy is weird. like on moms side there is a big ass scroll that goes from like#me and my brothers transliterated katakana names at the bottom to some guy in the 1500s which while neat#is also weird like the obsession of a name living on. but it’s also cool to be able to trace the links between people#but also I can’t read Japanese so I don’t even know if the woman’s family’s are recorded on it? probably not but it is huge so idk maybe#but still I think that’s my main problem when men have this whole thing about their names being their#their like identity thing of I must have this live on. because what about their wives? their own name line just ends then. unfair.
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met my half sister very weird experience but still losing my mind that grown ass women calls my dad dad were SIBLINGS
#personal#she also said something so transphobic randomly my MOM gave her side eye#like overall nice meeting her#definitely fucking weird#especially bc apparently i’m her twin like enough that she was visibly shocked seeing me#i don’t see it and have yet to ask my brother#not what i expected from childhood stories also properly learned her name like two days ago#but also definitely my dads child. like she said some things and i was like yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.#very affectionate but also. idk.#she spent most the trip hanging out and talking with my mom while not in the hospital which also weird bc#mom you throw out any letter she sends half sister you send said letters ignoring that my mom uses her maiden name#but soooo weird my mom was talking about our grandmother#also so weird. so weird they’re so close in age. girl why is my sister ur peer.#anyway and okay so we have the same dad whatever WE GOT THE SAME GRANDMA? WHAT THE FUCK.#it’s just weird like oh my god on a family tree we’d be in the same area oh my GOD. what. what.
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when I was around twelve I used to sit at the family computer and send hatemail to a white french dude named Jacques who was a self proclaimed communist on Tumblr. This was back in the day when you didn't need a blog to send anon hate. I had no real beef with him but I just didn't like his tone. used to send him "SHUT UP Jacques" periodically. and he'd answer every single one of my asks like "who is this?? show your face or I'll fucking kill you" and I'd be like "now now, that doesn't make sense, jacques" all haughty and he'd get so fucking mad at me. One time he posted a selfie and I sent him an ask claiming I was a psychologist and that his hair parting suggested that he wasn't a communist at all. and he took it deliriously serious and went off on a 2,000 word rant. I can remember going to stay at my grandparents over that weekend, so I didn't even respond to the rant until I came back. I could've chosen to end it there, but when I returned, I sent him another ask which was like "psychologist here again: if you were a communist your hair parting would be in the middle. evenly distributed. All behavioural signs point to someone who doesn't take their own values seriously." and he went ballistic. really swearing at me. all caps type beat. he never turned the asks off, btw. which always made me wonder if he didn't know how to, or if he didn't want to cause he was convinced he was fighting a war, and this action would ensure he lost it. anyway this went on for weeks until one day I completely forgot about him like he was some kind of childhood imaginary friend I'd conjured up in my loneliness. but yesterday I happened to recall the whole scenario, because my buddy was like "remember when you were twelve and I came over to your house, and you showed me on the computer how you'd been terrorizing this random French guy for days on end. And you were laughing like fucking crazy. and I said it wasn't funny because he probably had problems, and you were like 'oh.' and you looked a bit guilty for a second, but then you went and got a grapefruit from the kitchen and threw it out of the second story window at my kid brother, who was playing in the street, and then you started laughing again?" Well. when she put it like that, needless to say I felt bad. so Jacques if you're out there I'm sorry I was such a little shit. you had totally normal hair, and you only wanted people to share stuff. If it's any consolation I know every day of my life that I'm probably going to hell for the sick things I have done
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