#the stresses of being asexual in the dating scene

[katkitpaddywick]

(trying out a tumblr vent, don't mind me)

[aroace-musings]

My AroAce Journey

I would say that I first knew I was AroAce at eleven going on twelve even though I didn't use this exact term to describe my experience until much later.

In 1995, I mainly only saw heteronormative couples in shows and movies. The exception being The Birdcage. I thought the romance shown in these shows and movies were fantasy. A figment of the writer's imagination. And any scene of a sexual nature utterly baffled me. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to perform that act solely for pleasure.

It wasn't until I played Girl Talk with my friend that I began to suspect that my relationship to sexual and romantic attraction differed significantly to my peers. In the game, you're asked about crushes, who you'd like to kiss, who you hoped would ask you out on a date, how many children you wanted, and the like. I had no answers for a majority of them. And for the ones I could answer, I would provide the following responses: 

I don't want to kiss anyone. Why would you want to swap spit with someone else? Sounds disgusting. No, it doesn't sound romantic. It sounds absolutely vile.

What do you mean by crush? Butterflies in the stomach? Do you mean the feeling you get when you have the flu? No? Then I don't understand what you mean by "butterflies in the stomach". 

I don't want to marry nor do I want children. No, I'm being serious. I don't need a spouse. I don't need children. I'm just happy with having a friend or two. No, my life will not be lonely. No, my life will not be sad either.

In junior and senior high, my classmates started having their first dates, their first kisses, their first sexual experiences. And I was left alone on the sidelines. An observer to this foreign and bizarre mating ritual that made not a bit of sense to me.

People called me a "late bloomer". Told me not to worry. That I would find someone, someone special. Insisted that soon my libido would kick in, and I would start experiencing this mystical wonder called a crush. They believed that everyone experienced this and if I didn't, then there must be something wrong with me. Something that a doctor could fix.

Then, I went to uni and had access to the internet for the fist time. There, I learned the words aromantic and asexual. I discovered people who had similar experiences to me. I came across AVEN and found my people. Eventually, I found the term AroAce and its flag. I also learned that the initialism lgbt had been expanded to include others in the queer community: lgbtqia+. 

Upon this discovery, I tried to join a rainbow alliance at my uni, but the president of the club thought me not queer enough to join. Because I suffer from rejection sensitive dysphoria due to ADHD, this negative interaction put me off going to any more queer spaces. To this day, I've still not gone to pride, for I don't want to go somewhere I'm not wanted.

I don't remember "coming out". I didn't know it was a thing I should be stressed or concerned about. I just told people for better or worse. If they didn't know what AroAce meant, I told them to Google it. If they took issue with it, I simply cut them out of my life, for I don't need to associate with toxic people. Seriously, life's way too short for that!

Also, I didn't take issue with being AroAce myself. I just accepted it and moved on with my life. At that moment, I had more pressing concerns to worry about. Daily, I experienced chest dysphoria due to being agender. In addition, I was dealing with having undiagnosed AuDHD. Both took up all of my spare time and attention.

At thirty-six, I came across AroAce representation for the first time: Georgia Warr in Loveless by Alice Oseman. Even though the protagonist's experience differed greatly from my own, I'd never felt more seen in my entire life. Shortly after finishing the book, I learned that the author also identifies as AroAce. Despite not actively reading young adult literature, I binged all of her published works during lockdown. 

Then came the Netflix adaptation of Heartstopper. Instantly, Issac Henderson became my favorite character. If only I had this show as a teenager, what a difference my high school experience would've been!

Now, I'd like to write a novel with an AroAce protagonist. One who is also agender and has AUDHD like myself. Perhaps I can make this a reality in the next five years or so. Once I've finished all of the writing projects that I'm currently working on.

Well, that's all I have for today. Until next time, take care and say curious.

[ettawritesnstudies]

Aspec prompts part 2

because I can't find something like this and so I guess I have to make it myself. This is meant for characters on the aromantic or asexual spectrums (grey-ace, demi-ace, romance-favorable, etc.) who are in relationships but doesn't erase that part of their identity

Watching TV together and the ace one ruthlessly mocks the bad romance subplots or analyzes why the compelling ones work so well, their S/O mentally takes notes

The ace one cringing at kissing or sex scenes in movies or TV shows, their S/O gives them the remote so they can skip it. (They get a kiss for being so considerate) (jokes are made about double standards)

The extended family finds out the avowed spinster/bachelor cousin finally got a s/o and the gossip chain lights on fire. If this comes out at a family gathering, someone might faint. Interrogations ensue. Pictures are demanded to know if this person really exists.

People make comments about looks and whether or not s/o is attractive and they get incredibly defensive "no they're the most gorgeous person in the world how dare you" while also being befuddled because "the looks aren't the point they're beautiful because they're a lovely human being why are you all so shallow?"

S/o gets a new haircut or tries on a new outfit (or for an angsty version, gets some new scar or illness or something that makes them self conscious about their appearance) and asks ace partner how they look, ace responds with some combination of genuine aesthetic advice, flustered approval, or "you always look lovely to me" because the trappings don't change anything about their emotional connection.

Going from one "level" of intimacy (hand holding to hugging to kissing etc.) can take a LONG time. Like, "they were friends for three years before dating" and "they've been dating for over a year before they have their first kiss" long time. The slow burn to end all slow burns.

Allo S/O never pushing for physical intimacy, genuinely (but pleasantly) surprised if grey-ace or demi-ace partner is into it because it was never expected. Grey-ace partner is just as surprised as they are.

Ex: after dating for a year+ the grey-ace partner gets caught staring and gets all flustered, less because they got caught (they are dating after all) bit more because they were staring and it feels weird but nice but awkward but nice

S/O must meet the seal of approval from friends/siblings/trusted mentors, their advice is invaluable but also comes with a healthy degree of heckling.

Non physical forms of affection, you already know these but double down on them:

Quality time: dropping everything to meet each other for lunch, scheduling weekly date nights, parallel activities and sharing ideas, watching their favorite TV shows or reading their favorite books to share the fandom experience. Inflicting absolutely terrible memes at each other.

Gifts: getting trinkets while on vacation, memes at 1am, painstakingly hand making something for a birthday or anniversary, "I got you a coffee because you're stressed, I have your order memorized"

Acts of service: doing dishes or other cleaning for each other on bad days, researching solutions to problems, getting groceries, taking care of admin adulty bullshit so their partner can have a moment to relax.

Giving each other space for their projects. "I know you barely have any free time to work on this Thing you care a lot about so I'm going to make sure no one disturbs you today"

Words: leaving poetry or little notes around the house, praising each other for their accomplishments, "do you want me to kill [nemesis, asshole professor, etc.] for you?"

[narabea06]

Tell me your Nina headcanons silly person

Or tell my HC on anyone you want to!^^

You. YOU. I like you. /p

Nina the Killer Headcanons

TW: Abuse, Manipulation, Death, Toxic Relationships, Meltdowns/Breakdowns, Murder, Implied Ableism

Nina is polyamorous, biromantic asexual, transfem nonbinary, and goes by they/she/it/neon.

She is currently in a polyamorous relationship with Jane and Mary and loves both of them with all her heart.

She had severe mommy issues, but had a great relationship with her brother and dad. Her dad died while in the military in a plane accident when she was 12.

She was in a friend group with Jeff, Jane, Jesse, Mary, Liu, Clockwork, Lyra, and Toby pre-incident. Now she's still close friends with Jane, Jesse, Mary, and Liu, and now that she's reunited with Toby, they are attached at the hip. Jeff and her are currently at odds with each other, and she hasn’t reunited with Clockwork or Lyra yet.

Jeff was able to manipulate her so easily because at the time, she was already at her limit with her mother, as well as accidentally isolating herself due to so many of her friends going missing/dying (namely Clockwork, Toby, and Lyra). Nina is still upset at Jeff, but wrongly blames herself for getting manipulated.

She was a band kid, and was in the wind ensemble. She also did color guard for a few years.

She is an absolute scene kid.

Her, Toby, and BEN are very close friends and hang out a lot, and see each other practically as siblings. She hates to admit it, but BEN severely reminds her of Chris. BEN knows and tries to ignore it. Still hurts though, especially since BEN is scared the only reason Nina hangs out with him is because she misses her brother.

Nina grew up in a Mexican household and fluently spoke both Spanish and English. She ended up teaching Jane and Jeff some Spanish as well, and is currently trying to teach Toby.

Their mother was named Michelle, and her dad was named Tomas.

She and Clockwork dated in highschool. They had a very healthy relationship but they broke up from Natalie being too scared of commitment and the idea of their relationship being long term. They broke up on good terms, though Nina still had some feelings on her end after the break up.

They are stubborn as hell, and hate accepting help from others, even if it's for something small. This is due to growing up being told to figure out everything on her own and being unconsciously taught to never ask or accept help because she was considered "useless" if she couldn't figure out how to take care of herself.

She listens to a lot of different artists, but one of her favorites is Melanie Martinez. Her favorite song is EVIL. Nina also listens to Penelope Scott, Insane Clown Posse, and 6arelyhuman religiously.

They have generalized anxiety despite being an extrovert, as well as consistent panic attacks caused by stress. She is also prone to sensory meltdowns that Mary often needs to calm her down from.

She was a true crime listener growing up, and would often hyperfixate on it a lot. Nowadays though, she can’t get herself to listen to it anymore due to her sometimes running into her name on there and immediately having to shut it off.

Clockwork and her never reunited, so as far as Nina knows she’s dead.

Her comfort food is either a blue raspberry gas station slushie or sour gummy worms.

Her dad and her shared a birthday, and when she was young, he would often take them out to a cheap gas station and buy them a bunch of snacks and candy, and they would drive around town together until midnight.

She trolls people on the internet sometimes, and loves messing with random people and sometimes will get BEN to hack social media accounts of people she hates.

They have AuDHD. Michelle, her mother, couldn't afford to keep her in therapy for any longer a couple months after her dad’s death, so she never got properly diagnosed. This lead to many teachers in Nina's life not having a lot of faith in her and not trusting her when it came to her symptoms.

Ngl, these are just the tip of the iceberg of my Nina hcs, but I only had so much space bc Tumblr wouldn't let me post the full list for some reason-

Part 2!!

[luvo27]

for the fanfic game (sorry if it's too late, ignore me!) 16, 28? :D

castles it is NEVER too late to give me an excuse to ramble on about my fics!!!!

16. word or phrase i think I use a lot: probably anything to do with breathing. i'm a sucker for a "breathe in, breathe out," or anything along those lines!! drawing attention to a character's breathing feels like, an anatomical comma in the way that it makes you pause for a moment and also in how i probably overuse it!!

28. oh man i answered this one in terms of dc fic, where I ended up going with the first fic I wrote a character as explicitly aromantic in - you might see where I'm going with this.

On Haunting vs. Being Haunted was supposed to be a maybe 1-2k singular scene of an open ended-messed-up baron and riz interaction and then I accidentally started with writing the scene where riz talks to fabian about the briefcase first on the blank doc and then I started writing the scene where Riz tells Sklonda that he's dating Baron (i write so out of order. i often write like, only the dialogue of the middle of several different scenes out of order and then reorder them and finish writing them.) Then I got maybe 5k or so into it and realized I wanted it to have a happy ending. But see, at the time, if I were asked, I probably would only have said I was queer, and only that I was aspec if I was feeling courageous, so as I was figuring out the ending, I had no idea what Sklonda could possibly say to Riz that would feel true - how could I assuage the fears of a fictional character if I could not do the same for my own? and then i thought about the friends that I'd made in the last couple of years. I actually messaged one of them as I was writing to say that their friendship was what let me write the fic, and that writing the fic was making me question whether or not I wanted to use the aroace labels, and then I posted the fic, and then so. many. people. commented. It is an absolute honor and a privilege to be told that they were able to relate, or feel seen, or just had a good time reading. I hold every story that people felt comfortable enough to share there in my heart. So i was getting those comments, and I was getting comments on the dc fic i mentioned before, and the sequel to haunting wasn't originally planned to have a riz epilogue, but it turned out there was more I wanted to say! There's so little representation of asexual characters in media, and not a lot in fanfic, even less of aromantic characters in most media, and even less in fanfic, and even more so for aromantic characters who do not want qprs or something that might look like one, and it is hard to imagine a happy ending is possible if you never see it realized! again, it's genuinely been one of the most special things in my life that I was able to give people this story, happy ending included, and hear their stories in response. rizs internal monologue at the end of stress vs love started as like, an imaginary open letter to everyone who read on haunting, but most importantly, to myself. I am aroace, and I do not have to be afraid forever :))

castles, thank you so much for letting me ramble on about this. i've thought about sharing this personal little behind the scenes a lot and I'm so happy to finally do so because this story and the response to it really means so much to me!!!

[ask-the-no-killing-game-au]

Ooh, what a fun idea of for an au!! Starting simple, what’s the cast’s gender/ pronouns and sexualities?

(ooc) Here's all of them, plus a little fun fact about each person :D

Ace: He/Him, transmasc & gay

He still has the secret he has canonically, however because it's a much more positive environment in this AU, people close to him are helping to recover.

Arturo: He/They, transmasc & bisexual

Unlike canon, he has quite long hair. He's not the type to style it usually.. but Veronika is, so whenever they're together, he ends up with a random new hairstyle.

Arei: She/They, feminine presenting genderfluid & lesbian

Despite the lack of killing game, the scene in the infirmary between her and Eden still happened, just for a different reason. Because she doesn't die, she's able to improve herself into a much better person.. and yes, she's best friends with Eden.

Can't say their name, but the ultimate chemist: Tells people he/him, but secretly finds she/her or they/them more comfortable. Questioning their identity, she's actually transfem but they've not figured that out yet. (Whit thinks he knows.)

They see Nico as a sibling, and they see her the same way. Because she doesn't have her older brother (who they remember in this au), and Nico's family hated them, they kind of became unofficial siblings to support each other. Hu is a bit like the mom.

David: Any pronouns, transfem & nonbinary

Even though there's no trials, she still had the scene from the chapter 2 trial, just not in that environment. He wasn't manipulating people as there was no reason for him to there, but it turns out she has very bad mental health. Hu and Xander help her a lot, and even Arei sometimes, as he never manipulated her.

Eden: She/Her, transfem & lesbian

Eden always likes to hold events between everyone, especially the female cast, as she's a little scared of the men after Arturo still got mad and threatened her (in a different situation). In this au, they even managed to successfully make the cake, and after a talk with Whit about the subject, she's secretly excited to start inviting the ultimate chemist to her events.

Hu: She/Her, female & bisexual

Now that she's not under as much stress, Hu still likes to act as a parent to others. She's always there when people need help (but finds it very difficult to trust others sometimes). Also, multiple people from the cast deal with age regression*, so she loves to be there for them too.

* Xander, David, Teruko, the ultimate chemist, J, and Nico.

J: They/He, transmasc nonbinary & bisexual

After their identity was accidentally revealed (outside of the secret motive) and they realised how much they hate their birth name and being a girl, they came out as nonbinary & transmasc. Arei and Eden love trying to help in every way possible, even deliberately not inviting them to Eden's events.

Levi: Any pronouns, bigender, genderfluid & bisexual

Levi was always familiar with showing other people clothes, but during this au, they took up the hobby of making their own clothes. They looked a little silly at first, but overtime she became really good at it. She made something for everyone in the cast.

Min: She/Her, female & lesbian

Min is currently dating Teruko after she realised she experienced more than just friendship with her. Because they're in the academy they can't go out on dates, however they will watch movies, bake things, and often sleep in the same room.

Nico: They/Them, nonbinary, bi & asexual. Not particularly interested in a relationship but can experience romantic attraction. (They haven't canonically discovered neopronouns but they would love any themed around animals especially cats if they found out they existed.)

They carry a plush toy cat everywhere with them, even to simple events like lunch. They're canonically autistic in this au and it's comforting to them. Because of this they also experience other things related to it such as stimming and meltdowns, but with a bit of education to those unaware, it was happily accepted.

Rose: She/Her, transfem & lesbian

When Rose signed up to spend her life at Hope's Peak Academy as it was better than the outside world for her (that applies to everyone here !!), it meant she could break the contract that meant she couldn't have any of her own art. Now that she can call it all her own, she loves painting with Nico, and they're very close friends.

Teruko: She/Her, female & unlabelled sexuality

Despite the fact that she still has her bad luck, a lot of things have been put in place to try and assist her, and she's living a much happier life within the academy than she ever could've outside. Also, because there's no killing, she's best friends with Xander.

Veronika: She/They, transfem & pansexual

Just like Nico, Veronika is also canonically autistic (though she has low support needs, Nico has medium). She's very different to Nico, though, and both of them hate when they're seen as similar just because of their disabilities. Despite this, because they both end up spending so much time with Hu, she also sees them as a bit like family (though nowhere near as much as the ultimate chemist).

Whit: He/They, transmasc & bisexual

He's canonically dating the ultimate chemist, and after realising they aren't comfortable with their identity, he's the one helping them.

Xander: Any pronouns, genderfluid & bisexual

Because there's no killing game, he remembers his past in detail. She finds the difficult to deal with, but David is there to help them.

This took forever to type, so I hope these facts are interesting !!

[roseofhybrids]

The best way I've found to describe being aroace goes a bit like this.

Let's take a straight man for example. He's attracted to women, but not other men. No matter how handsome or kind, no matter how well he gets along with another guy, he simply isn't attracted to a guy like how he is with ladies. No matter what your sexuality is, straight, gay, bi, pan, you simply are not attracted to your family members. No matter how hot your parent or sibling is, you just simply don't have those kinds of feelings for them because they're a close relative.

For me, it's like that but with everyone. No matter how beautiful, or how well we get along, those feelings of romantic and sexual attraction simply DO NOT occur. Be it some wires in my brain not connecting or just some mutation in my mind, whatever the cause, I just don't experience those feelings. That's just how it is, c'est la vie.

Many can try to find a reason why they don't occur, find a mental switch that if flipped would make me be able to feel that way about another person. Personally, I don't see the point in doing anything about it.

Say they created some pill that would turn me from ace to allo. I probably wouldn't bother taking it. Not because "Oh not if I'm not ace I'll just be straight and I can't have that." (and the price this hypothetical drug would have in the US of A aside). I wouldn't bother because I don't see the point in doing so.

One night, before I knew what asexuality was, I can remember laying in bed thinking it over. I thought to myself, "Well, I don't like guys... but I don't like girls either... So, I guess I'm straight but just won't ever date anyone." It wasn't till my final year of high school that I realized the flaw in that logic.

It took the better part of a year to put two and two together. Learning the word asexual didn't make me ace, it just gave me a word to describe a concept I already knew. Heck, I can distinctly recall learning the word and finding the definition very relatable. But my thought wasn't "Oh, so that's what I am" no, my first thought "neat, good for them." It wasn't until health class when I started to think about it more. I learned that the age of consent is 16 in Ohio and was confused. I thought to myself, "what's the point of it being less than 18? We're all still kids, why would anyone want to sex?" Upon later hearing my classmates talk about sex and being in relationships that it started to click that I was the odd one out. The age of consent of 16 because teens have those feelings for each other. Yet I was a teen and I didn't. It was only then that the pieces feel into place.

In a way, it was the same as when I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. My therapist telling me that I have SAD (GAD now) didn't give me a mental disorder. It just gave me an explanation about something that was already happening. Why other people weren't scared into silence when meeting strangers. Why other people didn't have random panic attacks in the middle of class. Why others didn't get so stressed about being late for work that they give themselves 30 minutes to do a 10-minute commute.

Why does all that happen to you? Because you have generalized anxiety. Why you've never wanted a boyfriend? Why you get uncomfortable during movie sex scenes? Why it's never occurred to you that other high schoolers are horny? Because you're aroace. That's just how the dice fell, that's just how it be sometimes.

So, what would be the point in trying to change it? People can come up with X and Y reasons why I have to, and I have a counterpoint to all of them. But none of them matter in the face of one thing:

As I am now, I am happy and content with my sexuality. It's my life to live, and I'm happy to live it as an ace of spades.

[splatbandcanons]

High Tide Era headcanons:

Nishida:

Okay,so I headcanon him as being originally from 'Sea Atoll' (or like the Splatoon equivalent of Seattle) and grew up close to the grunge music scene

Just like the absolute sweetest guy, like ye,this is the guitarist to bring home to meet your parents

He is self taught and worked three part time jobs to buy his first guitar

Parents love him, kids love him, girl urchins with not a lot of dating experience love him...he's just a lovable little bastard man

Self deprecating humor is his coping mechanism

Gets stressed out way too easily

Out of the three of them,he is by far the one who cries the most (except for Taka when he gets broken up with)

Only drinks iced coffee but Kuze is slowly selling him on herbal tea

Kuze:

funky fresh asexual weed uncle

Went to fashion design classes and freelance designs costumes for other bands

Has a baritone singing voice

Opera enjoyer

Herbal tea aficionado

he high key worries about his band brothers and checks up on them often

He can cook really well and often cooks extra to give to Taka and Nishida because he knows that without his intervention those two would continue to forget mealtimes

Doesn't drink,but enjoys the ambience of bars

Played competitive chess in highschool

Taka:

Once let his intrusive thoughts win and spontaneously pierced his own ears

He won't admit it,but he has a major sweet tooth

never grew out of the child prodigy mind set, and you can tell, he's kind of a dick

Took ballet classes when he was younger

Smells like either axe body spray or Bulgari green

This boy has so many student loans

One look and you know for a fact this boy owned a fedora back in the day

The Bi panic is strong with this one

He's a major flirt and hopeless romantic

Bad at boyfriending

[cynicaldom]

I’m starting to explore sex & sexuality with another person (longtime lurker here but always did solo stuff) and we’ve been experimenting. I’m still figuring out whether I’m on the dom/sub side. Some aspects of dominating & control really turn me on... but outside of that, I don’t have a lot of desire to lead. I have a strong fantasy to be blindfolded and tied, let her be in charge, and give up a lot of control. I find much more attraction to being submissive, free, and being hers. (I’m also asexual so I think that’s part of why “leading” is difficult for me — I don’t have a ton of instinctual desires to guide me and fall back on. It’s genuinely scary being in charge bc I feel rudderless.)

At the same time, outside of the bedroom, I am a natural leader. I ask questions and listen well; to my anxious friends, I am the stable rock in the storm of anxiety; people ask me for advice and listen to it (sometimes too much, it’s frightening sometimes). I’m even at my best when I get to plan dates and romantic activities; I am decisive and form plans, and people seem to enjoy and trust me when I lead them.

All of this to say that, across all of the blogs I follow here, all of them display an archetype that I feel like I am hopelessly unable to fit. I want to be able to help & support my partner by being a leader, except when it comed to sex I want someone who will take charge and free me from the decisions, planning, etc. I can’t be the only person like this, but I feel like it’s rare and I’ll be unlikely to find someone who matches me in this way.

I hope you see this bc you & Amy have great content and I respect your thoughtful writings / posts on here! Cheers.

@amysubmits is on tumblr much more than I am so I asked her to chime in, but she ended up saying everything I would. I want to emphasize try not to stress fitting into an archetype. Nobody fits anywhere perfectly, and more often than not worrying about something like that just makes things worse. The rest is from Amy:

I definitely agree with you that here on Tumblr (and probably in other D/s or kink communities as well) about people who take the same “role” inside and outside of the bedroom (or play). But of course that isn’t how all people are. It’s certainly possible to be a sub during play but to be a dom otherwise. As far as how easy or hard it might be to find a partner who has needs that alignment, I really can’t guess how likely or unlikely that is? I think finding the right match is tough for almost everyone, but I’m sure there are people out there who would enjoy topping/domming in the bedroom but who are subs or ‘followers’ otherwise. You mentioned that a few aspects of dominating or control excite you as well - so depending on how significant those interests are, you might be able to find a good match with someone who likes to switch in the bedroom but you could be their Dom in the lifestyle sense?

It’s also common for people to enjoy power exchange during sex or scenes but to not have any agreed-upon power exchange dynamic outside of play. So if you like to lead but don’t necessarily need or want full spectrum D/s as far as rules or protocols or so on, you could have your playtime where you sub and then the rest of your relationship could just be based on your natural personality, so you’d be able to lead in the ways you naturally are inclined to, but not have a formal/intentional D/s agreement outside of play as long as your partner doesn’t need or want that. 

It’s easy to feel like the norm in D/s is to look at a few different categories that exist and smush yourself into one of the options. But in reality, a lot of people don’t fit perfectly in the popular categories. Even for those of us who have a bedroom role and a lifestyle role that do fit fairly well into a category, we may not fit into other kink categories perfectly such as cg/l or m/s or whatever. I like to advocate for customizing your relationship based on what you and your partner need and want when it comes to rules or titles and other things…but I think the same applies for your whole relationship, really. I hope you’re able to find someone who has needs and wants that are well aligned with yours! :) 

[kitkatt0430]

F and G?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"Oh, really? So you all didn't manipulate me into being the one who convinced Master Ansem to make that special lab for running experiments on hearts? I wanted so badly to prove I was one of you, that I could be taken seriously despite my age and you all… you used and lied to me. Every single one of you. Because Xehanort had us all so caught up in his cult of personality that you told a child that his guardian… his only remaining family had abandoned him. And that it was my fault for helping hide our experiments from him. You made me think he'd gone mad and I was to blame. I knew our experiments were wrong, but you were the adults. I followed your examples because I thought I could trust you to do the right thing, to protect me. I shouldn't have needed protecting from you!"

Part of Ienzo going off at Aeleus in Hearts in a Void

The full scene is that Aeleus started teasing Ienzo about his 'girlfriend', who was a friend who'd read into Ienzo's friendliness the wrong way since Ienzo is aromantic and instead of accepting she'd made a mistake and staying friends with him is now giving him the cold shoulder. It's sort of a 'straw the broke the camel's back' moment. Ienzo hasn't been feeling respected by Aeleus or Dilan as a coworker already and he's been stressed over realizing he isn't interested in romantic relationships and the way he was treated as a child was very manipulative and abusive - something Aeleus and Dilan were a big part of. And they never really apologized for any of it.

It was really cathartic to write, really. When I was first figuring out that I'm aromantic, my sister wasn't taking my refusal to sign up for online dating seriously - she never signed me up without my permission, but only because my brother-in-law convinced her that'd be a bad idea. Thank goodness for him, really. In retrospect my parents didn't really realize I was telling them I was queer when I came out to them the first time around. And my dad has a tendency to treat verbal arguments like he's won if I tear up - guess who stress cries easily?

Writing a character confronting someone who'd wronged him and wasn't listening when repeatedly corrected was something I really needed to write out. And while things have improved for me over the years - my sister is now a big supporter despite our differences and my parents actually understand that me being aromantic and asexual are my queer identities now (though dad's still a dick when we argue about something - he doesn't like to be told he's wrong and absolutely moves goalposts mid argument, multiple times, if it means 'winning'). I think the feelings I got onto the page for that fic are still with me and have influenced other fics as well. But there was just something particularly special about writing for Ienzo in that fic that I come back to when I'm struggling with my family over something.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

So I usually write start to finish. But not always, which would frustrate me a lot before I started treating my ideas as something that could stretch across a series of fics. That way I can write a single fic, start to finish, but in terms of its placement within the larger story, maybe it's way down in the timeline and the next fic I write could be at an earlier point. I still mostly tend to write the separate fics within a series in chronological order, but I'm a lot more comfortable writing things out of order than I used to. It doesn't lock me up or frustrate me which has definitely shown itself in how much I write and post these days.

Send me an ask about my writing :D

[greyzoneeeeee]

Intro

I felt inspired by Pride Month, and occasionally throughout the year I get curious about #asexuality on tumblr, so I'm writing some stuff. :)

I've known I'm asexual for quite a while now. I'm a Cis Woman in my early 30's, but probably discovered the term "asexual" when I was....18-19 maybe? I don't reeeeally remember how I found out about that word but it was a very underwhelming moment haha. It wouldn't surprise me if I discovered it through tumblr though. I remember seeing the word, reading about it and being all "Oh that's me! wowww, well there you go", went about my day, and now here we are lol.

I've been incredibly lucky with the timeline of my sexuality. I did obviously grow up in a world where the default was straight, LGBTQIA+/LGBT I don't recall ever hearing or seeing. So when there were questions like "What does your ideal man look like", "What would be the perfect wedding" etc, I could answer those. I never had much thought or feeling behind it, but they weren't really hard to answer. I think that's also another benefit of being a naturally quiet/shy/introverted kid growing up; you're not really as involved in conversations. I was able to grow up with almost no hounding about who I like, why aren't I dating, do I have a boyfriend, etc. Also romantic and sexual conversations were quite...minimal? I wasn't ignorant to the fact that it all existed, but I wasn't in social circles where it was frequent conversation either? It allowed me to live in a very quiet bubble, so quiet that I never actually felt different from others and never got upset that I didn't have a crush or whatever. I kinda just assumed it wasn't my time yet, it'll happen eventually, and I kept thinking that until I found the word asexual haha.

On the flip side it made it a bit more difficult for me to resonate with #asexuality on tumblr. For the most part the posts I saw were about feeling like an outcast/different from everyone else, having trouble explaining asexuality to people, all sorts of things. All of which are incredibly valid, and I'm lucky to have lived a basically stress-free asexual life so far. Me who lived in my bubble for so long, who isn't "out" to anyone, means I don't ~feel~ asexual cause I've never felt....different. Or just different enough to care. Over the years I discovered more ribs under the asexual umbrella, and some of them I've thought "oh yeah I think that explains me more", but then I'm also never quite sure either lol, so I just stick with the broad term asexual. s*x mentioning below.

In regards to sex I think I float between positive-neutral-repulsed lol. Maybe it's because we grow up so exposed to sex being part of an intimate relationship, so in works of fiction I can look forward to that. Especially when it's the first time for a couple. Most of the time I stay in neutral in regards to myself, and then here and there float towards repulsed. Funny ole brain. I have noticed over the years that I can get exposure fatigue? to it. I can enjoy written sex scenes in fiction but if it's happening often in the book I get sick of reading about it. The same thing happens with TV shows, so you can imagine Bridgerton gets a lot of random skipping ahead from me hah. Also I find p*rn far too graphic so I don't watch it. I think I like the silhouette of it from afar? So basically movie/tv/book romance sex.

Attractions musings are next.

[whimsicaldragonette]

ARC Review: Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky

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Publication Date: May 3, 2022

Synopsis:

Dear (never-been-quite-over-you) Crush, It's been a few years since we were together, but I can't stop thinking about the time we almost... Wren Roland has never been kissed, but he wants that movie-perfect ending more than anything. Feeling nostalgic on the eve of his birthday, he sends emails to all the boys he (ahem) loved before he came out. Morning brings the inevitable Oh God What Did I Do?, but he brushes that panic aside. Why stress about it? None of his could-have-beens are actually going to read the emails, much less respond. Right? Enter Derick Haverford, Wren's #1 pre-coming-out-crush and his drive-in theater's new social media intern. Everyone claims he's coasting on cinematic good looks and his father's connections, but Wren has always known there's much more to Derick than meets the eye. Too bad he doesn't feel the same way about the infamous almost-kiss that once rocked Wren's world. Whatever. Wren's no longer a closeted teenager; he can survive this. But as their hazy summer becomes consumed with a special project that may just save the struggling drive-in for good, Wren and Derick are drawn ever-closer...and maybe, finally, Wren's dream of a perfect-kiss-before-the-credits is within reach. A feel-good summer LGBTQIA+ New Adult RomCom, perfect for fans of Red White & Royal Blue, Boyfriend Material, and What If It's Us.

My Rating: ★★★★★

*My Review below the cut.

My Review:

This was suuuuuuper cute. Wren does come across as very young at first, but as the story settled into its groove I felt like his reactions and thought processes were actually very accurate for a 22-year old. He starts the novel fairly immature and at loose ends, but through the course of the story he gains confidence in himself. This is helped along by his managerial position at Wiley's Drive-in (where he has to find the line between working with his friends and being responsible for his friends' mistakes), his blossoming friendship with reclusive former film star and director Alice Walker, and his rekindled friendship and burgeoning relationship with his high-school crush Derick.

What begins as a terrible drunk decision - sending emails to all his former crushes and almost-kisses - ends up with a real chance at happiness.

Wren's friends are adorably quirky - sometimes a little too much so - and sweet. Reading the scenes of them together took me back to my college friendships. Derick is a bit of a mystery for pretty much the entire book and I think it could have benefited from some Derick POV chapters. The mystery does add drama and move the plot along in places, however, so I can understand why the author chose to do it this way. I also really appreciated how many of the characters were LGBT+ and how matter-of-fact it all was. There was a little bit of drama between Derick and his family but it wasn't too much and didn't detract from the sense of queer joy that develops throughout the book.

I listened to the audiobook version of this and really like the way the narrator chose to read it. His voices for all the characters were easy to tell apart and fit the characters very well.

I was fully invested in the story from beginning to end, and came away with a lot of nostalgia and also a real appreciation for how the author handled the story.

Also! It was SO nice to see demisexual rep in this story! Ace rep of any kind is hard to come by in fiction, and demisexual rep even more so. It was also explained really well without taking the reader out of the story and really fit Wren's character and experiences. As someone who is demi, I really appreciated the rep. It made me feel that much more connected to the story and more sympathetic to Wren. Especially when he decides that "queer" is how he's going to identify, with the knowledge that he's also gay and demisexual. It was very relatable. Society doesn't know how to handle asexuality for some strange reason, and it can feel very alienating.

The best parts of the story, hands down, were the scenes with Alice Kelly, reclusive film star and brilliant director - and cantankerous old lady. She really came to life in my imagination and quickly became my favorite character. The way Wren approached his friendship with her, slowly drawing her out while making sure she is always comfortable with what is happening, was wonderful to see.

I loved her story that was slowly revealed even more than Wren's and Derick's tbh. I would definitely read a book about her life. I'm glad she became such an important character and her story interwoven so thoroughly with Wren's and Wiley's Drive-in.

*Thanks to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Casablanca for providing an e-arc for review.

[moonlightfilly]

(trying to fit what I wanted to say in the replies was killing me too sdkjfh)

Honestly! For all the author claims to have researched, the results are truly lack-luster. You can tell when they're out of their depth, because they can't properly talk about any of the issues they bring up in a natural, significant way. Even the feminist aspect of the comic seems lacking, with the author preferring to make it "women can do no wrong and men are always in the wrong" in this comic. Even if the women do something wrong the author either ignores it (or doesn't even understand they're wrong) or cooks up something worse the men can do to absolve the women (hello Veronica cheating on Nacho). Ethel never learns, the author never thinks she needs to, so it's all just... bad.

The aroace rep feels so badly done here... there seems to be no real understanding about what it's like to live as an aro/ace/aroace individual, not to mention the fact you can barely call it rep because it's hidden away so much. To villainize Jughead for things he did in high school (+most of those things are just from Ethel's POV), which turned out to be just him not being certain about his sexuality and being a confused teenager, and then not even talk empathetically about how he felt pressured by society to be straight or let him say the words aromantic asexual out loud?! Nothing about Jughead's story was his, it was almost exclusively told through the lens of all of the other characters, and even when he got to talk briefly about being aroace after being locked in a vault and forced to talk about it (yikes, and then the author had Jughead thank Trula for crossing his boundaries) it was still all about Ethel's feelings.

You'd think the multiple POVs on the "Jughead situation" would culminate in people realizing they made a lot of assumptions and harsh judgements without even asking the person they're talking about what's going on... but no. No learning moment. No acknowledgment that the situation wasn't as black and white as it was made out to be. No empathy shown towards aspecs trying to navigate an allonormative society, even when we could see how being aroace but not realizing it really weighed on Jughead in high school. His peers were all pressuring him to date, he's always blamed for "leading girls on", Ethel was constantly pursuing him which was very stressful to him, but not once does a character reflect on how their actions affected Jughead or even how their current treatment of Jughead has been unfair. The entire focus was on Ethel's hurt feelings that he ghosted her, to the point that even Jughead's coming out was motivated by the desire to make Ethel feel better. It was all about him begging for her forgiveness and there was nothing from Ethel's side. The blame for their conflict was firmly placed on him and his orientation, Ethel says they're good now (though she's back to not being good with him in s2 even though he doesn't know that), and that's all we get on the topic. I'm shocked that even his so-called best friend didn't care to understand his side of the story and jumped on the Jughead hate-train, and we still haven't seen him or any other character acknowledge they did anything wrong to Jughead. Like... is the conclusion really meant to just be "aspecs hurt allo people and they have to take accountability for that"? Yikes.

The author was so proud of themselves, posting the book on asexuality they were reading on instagram "for research" and then they didn't seem to take anything from it at all. When we finally got that scene in the vault and Jughead got to speak for himself a little it felt very 101 at best, aphobic at worst, and then the author didn't even let him state his identity out loud for some reason even though that would've been the moment to do so. And having Jughead say that people tell him "you just haven't met the right person" and then have the author immediately confirm that those people were right?? because Trula is his exception?? Mess. Of course he could be demi/gray, but the way all of this information was presented just made things feel like really bad barely passing rep, and I'll admit it's hard for me to trust the author's intentions in making a character that in previous iterations had no exceptions have one after how poorly they've handled the aspec topic. Making Trula in particular the exception also gives me the ick because she was literally the one trying to mess with his head to "fix him" (make him allo) in the original comics.

The author needs an editor and needs to do more reading on the subjects she wants to broach for real...

(Also yes to anybody else reading this read Jughead 2015!!)

Big Ethel Energy Season 2 Episode 19

Just diving into it today.

Overall, I feel like the webcomic continually tries and continually misses with its presentation of serious topics and in turn those topics feel shoe horned or surface level as I continue to read. Some topics are treated well, but I think the primary difference is that in those instances where the presentation is better, multiple pages are dedicated to the topic rather than a few speech bubbles. If the time or effort isn't going to put into the issues when they come up then I feel like it's meaningless for the webcomic to try to present them because it present such an unsubstantial surface level discussion or commentary on them.

This perspective isn't wrong, but Veronica didn't treat Tim like that at all. Perhaps it's the way I read the encounter between Tim and Veronica or if it was portrayed overtly. Veronica certainly had an abrasive attitude, but they both did during their first meeting.

Big Ethel Energy continues to shove perspectives down the readers throats and villainize characters without displaying them doing wrong or sticking to that characterization. At least make it apparent. Like if Veronica had stereotyped or perceived Tim in a myopic way because he was gay I would understand and agree with what Tim was saying in the context of the story and how it happened, but my issue is that their meeting didn't read like that to me. They were equally abrasive and snide with each other. It was on the same level.

He called her out on her history of bullying and she accepted that. If he called her out on any of her other wrongs like the body shaming or cheating I would have understood that. I understand Tim is doing all of this with the intentions of protective Ethel, but bringing this up without the meeting displaying it feels empty and feels like a failure on the part of the comic's presentation/display.

...I'm going to real I have no idea what Seth's ethnicity is because I don't think it was mentioned until now. I'm assuming he has an Indigenous American background because of the comment he makes here, but I'm honestly not sure because I don't believe it was mentioned until now. But I will be checking on that and editing the paragraph accordingly.

But I personally feel as if this exchange between Tim and Seth is clumsy and continues with with the pattern of the comic bringing up important topics and issues just for the sake of bringing them up, but never expanding upon them.

Big Ethel Energy continues to mention these important topics and perspectives, but the comic really does nothing with them. They feel shoe horned as I've repeatedly stated across my reading of the webcomic because the characters do nothing with them. I understand being stereotyped as a racial minority myself, it's a lived experience and at times it feels like you can do nothing about it in social situations, but having a couple characters talk about race and sexuality and the stereotyping that comes with these aspects of one's self when interacting with people and then having no real conclusion or message other than "We contain multitudes, bro!"

It feels simple? Shallow? A way to cut off the conversation with an easy and nice bow? I'm not sure how others are perceiving this moment. Like of course we contain multitudes. It just feels...way to simplified. Personally at least.

Other than that in this episode. I am glad someone finally said this because I wasn't sure if I was reading it correctly. The comic is pointing toward Seth and Ethel potentially being a thing.

Just considering Ethel's crush on Seth I wonder if the same issues/anxieties she expressed having with dating and that she solely associated with Jughead are going to come up again? If they don't I feel like her issues with dating were really more just issues with Jughead.

[cucheallaigh]

Am I Actually Interested In Dating Anyone Or Am I Just Lonely And Bored: The Recurring Aro Ace Dilemma

[curseofaphrodite]

I put the ace in Space Boy

asexual! Regulus Black x Reader

Summary: headcanons and scenes. Had this idea for a while so here it is!  Warnings: mentions of sex, very fluffy and cheesy.

Requested by my own asexual self.

‣ Regulus had mentioned that he’s asexual when the two of you first started dating. You didn’t mind it all, but he hadn’t talked much about it since then.

‣ After an year of dating, the both of you still had boundaries, but he felt stressed because it was the part of a relationship where all the other couples seemed to have sex, sex and more sex. 

‣ You never made any kind of hint that you wanted something more but since it’s been so long after he said he was asexual, he thought you might have forgotten about it altogether. 

‣  He’s nervous. He want to mention it again. He knows he had no reason to. You were very happy the way things were, and so was he. But he had to mention it again, right? Things were getting serious and even if you gave up your sex life, you could never have biological kids. 

‣ Needless to say, our boy Regulus was nervous. What if you break up with him? He knew you probably won’t, but the words what if existed just to taunt us.

‣  He doesn’t know how to start the conversation so one day he just comes to your place, gives you a bunch of flowers, looks at you straight in the eyes, and bestie, you thought he was going to propose or something.

‣ But instead he says (and very seriously, might I add), “I put the ace in space boy.”

‣  You tried not to laugh at how anxious he looked. Emphasis on tried.

“I know that already, Reg. You love space and you’re ace.” “You remember it?” He felt himself relaxing. “Why would I forget?” “Remember when you forgot to turn off the oven, black smoke filled the house, and I almost died—” “ONE TIME! THAT WAS ONE TIME SIX MONTHS AGO. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LET THAT GO!” “When you leave the baking to me.” He said, grinning.

‣  Did I not mention he loves baking? Well, he does. It’s his favorite pastime. He loves the way you’d smile when he brings you new cakes and pastries. He always smells of cinnamon and vanilla, both of which he uses a lot on his dishes. ‣  Anyways, now that he finally knows you remember he’s asexual, a huge weight lifts off his chest. He keeps saying he’s sorry that he can’t be with you in every way possible, but you firmly looks at him and says that sex doesn’t have to be everything. You loved him for him and he loved you for you. You did not want to have kids anytime soon and if you do, adoption is always an option!

“Adopting, hmm, that does sound good,” he said, already imagining little kids running around the house. “Oi, don’t start working on the adoption papers now! It was just an plan, I don’t want kids right this moment!” You said sternly. “Okay, but imagine adopting two babies! We can name one after your dead relative or something-” “We’ll name one Nicholas.” “Seriously? You’d name our kid after your fictional boyfriend?” “Fine, what about Cal?” He’s silent, looking at you like you just did a tap dance. “What?” you asked, alarmed. “Are we seriously thinking of baby names now?” He laughed.  “Just names! No babies!” You said sharply, but it did feel good to talk about it. You made a mental note to start looking at adoption agencies online. 

‣  From then on, he’s more carefree around you. He brings you flowers every few days, each of them unique and different. 

‣  He loves visiting the art museum with you! He knows a lot about art history, so he goes on about each piece and when he’s done he’ll remind you that even if all of the paintings are beautiful, none of them could even come close to your radiance.

‣ You’ll accuse him of being sappy but let’s be real, you love it.

‣  He’s just precious 🥺 He always kisses you on your hand, and when you’re overworking yourself, he’ll pick you up from behind and carry you away to the bedroom. You’ll kick and push and try to go back to your work, but he’ll demand you stay there while he gets you something to drink. (Just not coffee, because he wants you to sleep)

‣  When he’s the one that’s tired, you’ll call his name in an exasperated tone and he’ll give up whatever he’s doing, and drag himself back to bed. You’ll probably be reading some book and he’ll place a pillow over your lap and fall right into sleep.

‣  You’ll brush your fingers through his soft hair every few seconds, and when you’re done reading, you’ll slide to his side without waking him up, and sleep while hugging him. 

‣  For some, forever seemed like a scary word. But the both of you cherished it, because it was what you said to each other. Forever, just the two of you. And it was a promise you intended to keep.

[shinpredicts]

Pick a BTS Member Reading - Surprise Reading

You pick a BTS member from this group photo and then you will get a surprise reading.

How to do this reading:

1. Close your eyes and get into a relaxed mode.

2. Do not pick your bias. Clear your mind and simply pick a member from the picture below that you think will give you your answer.

Remember, this is a general reading so take what resonates and leave what doesn't behind.

Going from left to right:

#1 - Min Yoongi/Suga

#2 - Jeon Jungkook

#3 - Kim Namjoon/RM

#4 - Jung Hoseok/J-Hope

#5 - Kim Taehyung/V

#6 - Kim Seokjin/Jin

#7 - Park Jimin

1. Suga/Min Yoongi

Love will be quite challenging for you. You will have long periods where you are single or you will feel that every time you get into the dating scene/a relationship, there'll be a lot of drama and chaos. You will often feel that it's easier to be by yourself.

Intimacy will also be tough for you or you may want to have an excess amount of intimacy. You may be asexual or have a sex addiction. It's likely that you either have a tough time with people touching you, you've been deeply hurt in the pat related to love, or you keep wanting to satiate your sexual desires.

It's more likely that this life time, you will have to learn to love yourself and to be comfortable with being alone. It's more likely that you will not marry this lifetime. You may have chances of getting into a long-term relationship, but it is more likely that you will stay single when you are older.

For this life, it is more about learning to accept yourself and love yourself. It is more about focusing on yourself rather than on others.

2. Jeon Jungkook

Finances will be a very tough part for you this life. Money can come easily, but it can also go very easily, or you can find it overall just very difficult to save money. Many times people will be after your money or you just have to spend it unexpectedly like to pay for repairs and some fine. Often the money you lend to others won't be returned.

You will also tend to be more generous with money and overspend, or you will be very frugal yet somehow lose money too. A lot of times you don't have much luck with money. Inheritances are unlikely to happen and even if they do, they come at big cost somehow like fighting with siblings or relatives in court. If you happen to win the lottery, it's harder for you to keep the money; things just happen that lead you to being in debt.

You can also have a habit of stress shopping or stress buying. You probably don't have very good saving habits. For the ones that do save a lot, when you invest, it's very hard for you to earn a lot of profit for the long term. Somehow investments or businesses go wrong for you.

This lifetime is for you to understand that even with money issues, you can still be happy and still survive. Money is not everything.

3. Kim Namjoon/RM

Your mental health is an area where you will struggle with a lot. You will likely get depressed or anxious easily. It's likely that you've suffered a lot during your childhood. You've been exposed to situations that have caused a lot of trauma.

You will find it often hard to connect with others and others can be very judgmental towards you. Often you are subject to criticism and racism. You will often feel like a victim. You tend to think pessimistically.

This lifetime is for you to cope with your mental health struggles and to heal from the trauma. It's a time for you to see light when you feel there's only darkness.

4. Jung Hoseok/J-Hope

Friendships will be a very tough area for you. You will find that it's very hard for you to make friends or be friends with people who actually care about you and treat you well. Often your friends are only there to use you or trick you.

You will often get hurt by your friends. They can betray you easily or see you as an easy target for fun. You tend to trust others too easily. You also tend to believe in whatever your friends say. Your friends are often very charming and are good liars.

It's also difficult for you to maintain friendships or gain new friends. You can have a hard time opening up to others over time and trusting others over time. You also tend to be shyer and are not the type to interact with others first. You can be quite lonely at school or at work etc.

This lifetime is for you to learn how to understand others better and to know who is actually there for you and who is just there to use you. You've also likely hurt a lot of people in your past lives so they are more likely to want revenge on you this life.

5. Kim Taehyung/V

You are prone to experiencing weird things around you or accidents. You can go through freak accidents like being hit by lightning, attacked by a bear, etc. You can also go through paranormal experiences or feel that you've been hurt by some unknown being.

It can be very hard for you to fall asleep at night. You often dream a lot or have a lot of nightmares. You will also be drawn to the occult. You might do spells or curses etc. You like knowing about the unknown.

For this life, you will need to learn that some things can't be controlled by you. You need to accept your fate and no matter how you change things, things will be set how it should be. Delays are only delays.

6. Kim Seokjin/Jin

You will often feel trapped this life and feel like you are living a secret/double life. You can be hiding your fantasies from others. You can be hiding your hobbies too from others. You can possibly hide your sexuality too from others. You can be hiding some dark family secret from others. You likely have many secrets that you don't want others to know about and will take to your grave.

You will often be attracted to a lot of desires that are perceived as "dark" or "negative" by others. They can be sexual fantasies or fetishes that can be frowned upon by the majority. You can also have "weird" quirks or pet peeves that people just don't get.

This lifetime is for you to accept yourself and to stop worrying about what others think about you. It's a time for you to learn to be free and to be confident in yourself.

7. Park Jimin

You likely have a lot of issues with your family. Family is a very difficult area for you. You can have very toxic parent(s) or relatives or siblings. It's possible that you've experienced living with very manipulative family members. You can feel bullied by family members. Family members often discipline you, judge you, negatively criticize you, or use you.

You will find that many family members are only there to get money from you or seek some use from you. They'll want a lot of favors from you in the name of "family". They can also disrupt your love life and friendships.

You can have parents who want to control your life fully like you feel you can't do what you want for your career. You can't marry who you wish like you're forced to an arranged marriage. Your parents can also use you to live out their dreams.

It's also possible that one or several of your family members are sick or get sick and you have to look after them a lot. Taking care of them will be very tiring for you mentally and also financially.

It's also possible that once you marry, your extended family can cause issues for you too. If they live with you, you can feel very stressed out and be controlled by them.

This life, you will need to learn how to manage family relationships and realize when it is time to cut out family. It's also time for you to forgive and move on.