#the simpsons switch au

[gummytweek]

Switch AU >:))

[kwanisms]

Kinktober 「10:03」 — b.chris, l.felix

» stray kids menu | bang chan menu | felix menu | kinktober masterlist «

➮ bunyip!Chris × fem!reader × bunyip!Felix wc: 6.6k summary: Y/N is convinced her map is wrong when she finds herself utterly lost on what was supposed to be a short hike from her camp. When she comes upon a small river and stops to fill her canteen, she finds more than water waiting for her. genres/themes/au: angst/fluff/smut; supernatural, horror, thriller; non idol au, monster idol au warnings: adult dialogue, female reader, supernatural and horror themes, mild existential dread of being lost in the middle of nowhere, mentions of: camping, getting lost, Australian Outback; sexual content (18+ mdni), see smut warnings under the cut! taglist has been moved to reblogs join my taglists! taglist for kinktober is CLOSED. Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. AGELESS BLOGS WILL ALSO BE BLOCKED.

a/n: this was a LOT of fun to write! I would have like to added more but time crunches are real lol this also serves as Chris' birthday post! so hbd to Chris! bunyips are an interesting mythology because reports of what they look like vary but about 60% of sightings claim they look very seal-like so that's the direction i went in. i also slightly changed the prompt to include "him" cause Y/N is sandwiched between them lol anyways, thanks for reading! the next part is oni!Jeonghan so stay tuned as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only.

smut warnings: teratophilia (aka monsterfucking), threesome, water sex, unprotected sex (do not do), oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), dom!Chris, switch!Felix, sub!Reader, use of pet names (hers: babe, baby, sweetheart, angel, honey; Chris: sir; Felix: babe), and that should be all of it but let me know if I missed some. kinks: Threesome + pool/water sexdialogue prompt: ❛❛ Make Me. ❜❜ + ❛❛ God, you’re so beautiful when you’re fucked out under me/us/him. ❜❜

═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════

When you first told your family and friends about your plans to brave the wilderness of Central Australia during a solo backpacking trip, they were quick to insist you didn't partake in such a daring feat. They called you insane, pleaded with you to reconsider but you had been determined to prove you could do it, taking months of survival and wilderness courses in preparation.

After several months of courses, collecting the appropriate gear, you were certain you were ready for your trip through the Tjoritja / West MacDonnell National Park. The flight from Brisbane to Alice Springs took just over 3 hours where you took a bus to the telegraph station where the Larapinta Trail Head was located. You had everything you needed; water, camping gear, food, and a satellite phone with a solar charger.

Everything had been carefully planned out, permits obtained, and you were ready to start your trip.

Or so you thought.

The first section of the trail took you from the telegraph station to the first campground at Simpsons Gap. The trail was just under twenty five kilometers and took roughly nine hours to complete. The trail had been mostly deserted despite being quite popular in the area. The next day, you visited the gap, snapping a few pictures before packing up and heading to the next spot.

This stretch was longer, at just over 26 kilometers, and it actually took less time at eight and a half hours. You stayed in the campground at Jay Creek with another camper which was an older couple who shared their dinner with you. That night you slept better than the first and when you awoke in the morning, you were the first to head out.

The next few days went by without incident and you were finally about to start the last section of the first half of the trail. The next section would take you from Hugh Gorge to Ellery Creek. At a distance of nearly twenty-nine kilometers, it would take between ten and eleven hours to complete. After spending the night near Hugh Gorge and replenishing your stores, you headed on your way. 

Your first stop was Hugh View before continuing on. Your plan was to stop at the next campground, Rocky Gully, where you would camp for the night. The hike from Hugh Gorge campsite to Rocky Gully only took a few hours which left you some time to explore the surrounding area.

You set up your camp at the abandoned campsite, taking a small bag to go on your small trip to explore the nearby area, following the trails around the campsite and following them east and south. You snapped pictures, hiking through the brush and taking in the sights.

After following the paths you came to a horrific realization.

You were lost.

You dug through your back but couldn’t find a compass and immediately started cursing yourself. You tried backtracking but somehow got even more lost. As you scanned the area, you started to look around for any potential water sources. Each step took you further and further away from camp.

Your water container had started to run empty and the sun was almost at its highest point in the sky. You needed water and you needed it soon. 

As you walked further, you climbed over the crest of a small hill and felt relief flood your body as you spotted a glimmer in the near distance. It was a small natural channel with water at the base. Upon moving closer, you could tell the water was a decent depth, maybe about to your waist.

The water was dark but when you dipped your hand under the surface, you could see it was surprisingly clear. To be safe, you would use a purification tablet. Opening the top of your canteen, you dipped it just under the surface, allowing water to flow in and showing you that there was a slow moving current as you filled your receptacle.

“Thank God,” you whispered as you stood up straight and pulled your bag forward to dig out one of the purification tablets and drop it into the canteen. As you started to turn away, you heard a soft splash and turned to look behind you. Scanning the water, you saw nothing. “Probably my imagination,” you murmured, bringing the lid of your canteen up to screw it on.

As you moved to step forward there was another, much larger, splash and you felt a presence arise from the water behind you. A loud roar startled you and you were too shocked to move. Your flight or fight response didn’t kick in, instead you froze.

“Wh-what the hell?!” you yelled as you felt something grab your ankle, pulling back and forcing you to fall to the ground. It had a firm grip on you and pulled again, dragging you back towards the water and away from your pack. You clawed at the red dirt, desperately trying to find something to grab onto but came up empty.

Your canteen lay forgotten, water spilling out of it and soaking the ground under it as you were pulled down into the ditch. You screamed, kicking at whatever had a hold of you, fearing the worst. Water enveloped your lower half and had you not been fighting for your life, it might have felt nice in the hot Australian sun.

Finally you managed to turn yourself over and your eyes widened in shock. A massive creature, the size of water buffalo but it was not a water buffalo. It had an almost panther-like appearance but something about it was vaguely seal-like. It had sleek black fur, black eyes with bright green irises.

It opened its mouth, displaying its teeth, all of them looked like they could tear you to shreds. You let out a scream, bringing your arms up to shield your head. Though, with an animal this large, there was no way it couldn’t just bite you in half. You chanced a glance through your arms at the creature. 

It hovered over you, its hot breath fanning over you with each pant as it stared you down. You let out whimper, shielding your face once more as you silently begged for it to not kill you. You heard the creature shift away, the heat of its breath disappearing. You waited for a few moments, only uncovering your head when you heard a splash in the water.

The creature was gone.

You sat up and looked around, expecting to see it lying in wait to ambush you but saw nothing. Looking down you saw that you were half submerged in the water and sighed in frustration as you attempted to stand up but you felt a hand close around your ankle again, yanking you back down into a sitting position. You let out a yelp, water splashing around you.

Seconds later, a head appeared, emerging from the water. Topped with short bluish green hair with waves and curls and a pair of striking green eyes that looked back at you. Your heart hammered wildly in your chest as you watched the head rise further, revealing the face of a handsome man. As he lifted his head from the water, he tilted it to one side, almost as if he was curious by the sight of you.

His shoulders followed, the water stopping about midway down his chest. His bare chest. You tried not to stare but it was evident that he was not wearing clothes but you didn’t want to think about that. “What the…” you trailed off as you looked at him. A smile graced his face. You half expected to see pointed teeth but instead were met with surprisingly human teeth.

“What are you?” you asked softly. The man tilted his head in the opposite direction. Paired with the smile it was slightly unsettling but he dropped the smile, a look of confusion passing over his features. He seemed to be mimicking your expression as your brows rose, so did his. “Wh-what are you?” you asked again, a little louder. He straightened up, moving through the water towards you, climbing up the slope. As more of his skin was exposed, it seemed that the silky black fur melted away to expose his golden skin tone as he crawled over you.

Soon he had you pinned, unable to get away as he looked down at you. He wasn’t answering your questions and you decided to change tactics. “Do you er… have a name?” A look of excitement came over his face and he opened his mouth. 

Whatever you were expecting to come out of him was not what you got. In a voice you weren’t expecting from what you could only assume was a creature you’d just seen, he answered. “Yeah, I’m Chris,” he said, a slight accent you recognized. It wasn’t too different from yours.

“Ch-Chris?” you asked, feeling slightly relieved when he nodded eagerly. “And he’s Felix,” he added, jerking his thumb over his shoulder towards the left. You turned your head, almost letting out another scream when you saw another pair of bright green eyes staring at you from just above the surface of the water. The head raised and you were surprised that this one looked so different from the first.

‘Is this some sort of mimicry technique?’ you wondered to yourself as you looked between the two.

The second one, Felix, was equally as handsome and looked like some kind of model. He had freckles littering his nose and cheeks, looking like stars dotting the sky. His hair was longer than Chris’, blond and swept back, a few strands framing his face. He had a much slender build.

“F-Felix?” you asked, looking at Chris. The one named Felix nodded, moving closer, his body gliding through the water with ease. “What’s your name?” he asked, his voice, which was much deeper, took you by surprise. “Y/N,” you answered as he neared you, also crawling up the slope of the embankment until the water hit just above his navel. Or where you assumed a navel would be.

You felt a hand on your knee under the water and your attention snapped back to Chris. “What’re you doing?” you asked, trying to squirm away but a firm hand held you down. “You can’t leave,” Chris said sternly. You looked from him to Felix and back. “Wh-why?”

“Because,” Chris started. “You took something from our stream,” Felix interjected, resting his head in his hand as he stared up at you. “You’re really pretty,” he added with a smile. “Th-thanks — wait, timeout,” you said, holding up your hands. “What exactly did I take?” you asked, looking up at Chris.

He nodded at the top of the embankment. You followed your gaze to find he was looking at your canteen which was occasionally dripping water onto the dirt. You turned back to Chris. “Water?” you asked. “The water I spilled when that.. that thing — grabbed my ankle?”

Chris looked mildly offended at your words. “I’m not a thing,” he retorted. “I’m a bunyip.” Your eyes widened as you stared at him. ‘A bunyip? The legendary maneater from Aboriginal mythology?’ You turned your gaze towards Felix who raised his brows, giving you a flash of a smile before you turned back to Chris. “You’re that creature?” you asked softly. Chris nodded.

“We both are,” Felix added. “Well, not the one you saw,” he clarified. “That was all Chris,” he explained. “Grabbing your ankle and yanking you down. I was over there.” Felix pointed down the way to where a log was sticking out of the water.

You nodded slowly. “But you’re still the same… creature?” you asked. Felix nodded. “Bunyip,” he corrected. You turned back to Chris. “I only took some water because I’m lost,” you explained. “I went for a hike and now I can’t find my way back to my camp.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Felix said, still resting his head in his hand as he stared at you. “Very unfortunate,” Chris chimed in. “But you still took without giving and now that water has been wasted. Not very nice of you in a place like this,” he continued. You glared up at him. 

“I only spilled that water because you grabbed me by the ankle and dragged me backwards. I wouldn’t have dropped the canteen if you hadn’t done that!” Chris turned his head to lock eyes with Felix before his gaze returned to you. 

“Regardless,” he started. “You still took from us and we demand a toll.” You stared incredulously at him, “A toll? For water? In the outback?” you asked. “Are you fucking kidding me!?” You looked between the two who merely stared at you. Clearly this wasn’t some joke or prank. “You’ve got to be kidding! We’re in the middle of the fucking desert!” you snapped. Chris leaned forward, making you lean away, your back pressing against the dirt embankment. 

“Do I look like I’m kidding, sweetheart?” he asked, tilting his head. His close proximity rendered you speechless as you stared up at him. “Wh-what do you want?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. Chris glanced at Felix who had moved, shifting closer to where the two of you were.

“Just a toll,” Chris finally answered. “Payment for the water you took and then spilled.” A frown formed on your face. You were about to respond but Felix spoke instead. “I think the spilling was your fault. You can’t fault the poor thing from her reaction when you grabbed her by the ankle and knocked her down. You don’t even have ankles,” Felix countered. Chris glared at him before sighing. “Fine,” he said.

“Just for taking the water then,” he said. “I don’t have money on me,” you said softly. Chris chuckled. “That’s alright, sweetheart,” he said, reaching a hand up to caress your cheek. “We don’t want your money,” Felix added. He was now right next to you. “That’s not the kind of toll we want.”

‘If they didn’t want money, what could they possibly want?’

“Then what do you—” you started, your words failing when Chris leaned in closer.

“We want you,” he interrupted. You stared up at him, eyes wide, like you were prey, caught in the eyes of a predator. “M-me?!” you asked, your voice cracking. You felt fingers brush your arm and turned to look at Felix. “Yes,” he said softly, giving you an angelic smile. “We want you, honey.”

You looked between them again. “Like… to eat?” you asked. Chris and Felix exchanged looks before they both burst into laughter. “You think we want to eat you?” Chris asked, his laughter subsiding. If they didn’t want to eat you, what could they possibly want?

“Okay,” you said softly. “Now I’m confused.”

“That’s alright, baby,” Chris said softly, resting his weight on top of you. “Would you like me to explain or would you rather we just show you?” he asked, his lips ghosting over yours. A shiver ran up your spine as the realization settled in. They didn’t want to eat you.

They wanted to fuck you.

The idea should have been preposterous. Not one, but two massive legendary creatures known for killing and eating people wanted to fuck you. You should have been sent screaming for the hills but instead you were intrigued. The forms they took on were much better to look at than the massive seal-like creature you’d initially seen but would they stay that way? Or was it a ploy to get you to agree and then actually eat you?

A million questions were swirling inside your brain but you only managed to ask a few.

“Will you stay like that?” you asked, gesturing to him. A smile crossed Chris’ face as he realized you were actually considering his and Felix's proposition. “Of course,” he answered. “Wouldn’t want to scare you off,” he added with a wink. “And you promise you aren’t going to eat me?” you asked.

Chris snorted, laughing in a low tone. “We aren’t going to eat you,” he replied. “Speak for yourself,” Felix said, giving you a very smirk as his eyes roamed over your body. “I’ll eat something,” he added. 

Chris rolled his eyes. “Down, boy,” he said before returning his attention to you. “Any other questions?” he asked, cocking his head to the left. “Are we doing this right here? Out in the open?” you asked, looking around the ditch. Chris scoffed, sounding almost indignant when he spoke.

“You think we would do that? Have you out in the open where anyone could just walk right up and watch?” he asked. You shrugged wordlessly. You didn’t know what was going on in their heads. It wasn’t like you did this often. You’d never been in a position like this before.

Chris shook his head. “No,” he said softly. “We’ll take you back to our lair,” he continued. More private, and out of the sun,” he added, looking towards the sky. “And much cooler,” Felix chimed in. “How does that sound?” he asked, caressing your arm. “A nice and cool spot where we can have you all to ourselves?” You swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat before nodding slowly.

“It’s settled,” Chris said, sitting back up and holding out his hand. You stared at it for a moment before taking it and allowing him to pull you up. “Where are we going exactly?” you asked as Felix moved, shifting to the middle of the stream. “Our home,” he said, dipping down until just his head was visible. “Is it far?” you asked as Chris pulled you deeper into the water.

“It’s not far,” he answered. “It’s a nice series of caverns,” he added as he moved behind you, wrapping one of his strong arms around your midsection. “You might get a little wet,” he continued, whispering in your ear, his breath making your hair stand on end and tickling your neck. “Oh,” he added as you started to float along the slow moving stream, his arm tightening around your stomach.

“And you might want to hold your breath.”

The route to their den was so hidden that you would have never spotted it from above and unless you were in the water, you still would have never seen it. There was a massive hole in the ditch which both Felix and Chris dived through. You had taken a deep breath before being submerged.

The tunnel led from the ditch to a large underwater cavern. Here, Chris resurfaced in a small air pocket to let you catch your breath before continuing on, taking one of the many tunnels that branched off from the main cavern. The tunnel wasn’t long but it was dark and impossible to see. You were left to the mercy of the man — creature? — holding you tightly against his chest as he swam.

There was a power he had, swimming along with what you could only assume was a tail. You never actually saw the lower half of his body so you could neither confirm nor deny if he even had legs. Though you did vaguely remember Felix saying Chris didn’t have ankles so perhaps that meant they didn’t have legs.

You didn’t have time to dwell on it as your lungs started to burn with the lack of oxygen. You started to panic, wondering if you might drown down here and you felt extremely embarrassed at the thought of the potential circumstances surrounding your disappearance from the human world.

‘All for some dick, too.’

As you started to struggle in Chris’ hold, he tightened his grip and sped up, kicking harder until the tunnel opened up. It was still dark but not like the tunnels had been. There seemed to be a little bit of light coming from above. Chris pulled you to the surface and you gasped, coughing as air filled your lungs. He kept a firm hold on you while you struggled to breathe.

“Take your time,” he said softly, keeping you afloat. You focused on breathing, inhaling deeply and slowly. Felix was nowhere to be seen as you looked around the air pocket. You cast your gaze up and noticed that there was a small round hole at the top of the cavern, letting a little bit of light into the cavern. 

“Are we underground?” you asked. Chris nodded. “We are,” he answered. “Pretty far actually,” he added. You looked around but saw nothing other than the rock. “You ready to keep going?” he asked. You nodded, taking another deep breath. “We’re almost there.”

The rest of the journey to the den went by without incident and soon Chris was pushing you up onto a small smooth incline made of stone. Felix was already lounging nearby, the lower half of his body submerged in the water. You looked around, noticing a small sandy area further back.

Looking up, you noticed that there were several holes in the ceiling, allowing sunlight to filter in, bouncing off the rocky surface of the walls. The entire cavern was about 12 meters in diameter. From the water’s surface, the rocky walls ran up before starting to curve up towards the flat top. Deep grooves decorated the walls, almost like massive claws had dug into the rock, leaving behind marks.

The sandy pit area was small with a partial rock wall separating it from another area that was hidden from view. You felt weight on top of your legs and turned back to find Chris crawling over you slowly. “Looking for an escape route?” he asked with a sly grin. You shook your head. “No,” you answered softly. “Just taking in the scenery. I didn’t even know there was a cave system down here,” you added as you looked up at the holes in the ceiling.

“Are we under a mountain or something? It seems so large.”

Chris chuckled, his laugh drowned out by a splashing sound. You turned your head to find the place where Felix had been lounging was now empty and the blond was nowhere in sight. “You’d be surprised by a lot of things here in the Outback,” he said softly, hand skimming up the outside of your thigh to your wet shorts.

“Oh right,” you said, looking up as he got closer. “We sort of had a deal.” Chris chuckled as he drew level with you. “Indeed we did, honey,” he said, stopping so his lips were almost grazing yours. “I won’t do anything without your permission,” he added. “So you have to say it, out loud, that you’re okay with this.” You nodded. “I am,” you replied. “I’m okay with this.” Chris’ eyes flashed, the green seeming to illuminate in the low light of the cave. “Good,” he simply said before crashing his lips against yours. 

You felt his hand cup the back of your neck as he guided you down onto the rocky surface, your press pressing into the wet fabric of your shirt. Chris’ lips left yours, making a path down your neck to the top of your shirt. He pulled back just enough to untuck your shirt from your shorts and tug it upwards. You let him pull it off you, his lips reconnecting with yours as his hands moved skillfully over your skin.

It made you wonder if he’d done this before.

Your thoughts were short lived as he undid the front clasp of your bra, quickly and easily sliding the straps down your arms and tossing the garment somewhere you couldn’t see, hoping it had been towards the sand pit and not into the water. That was your favorite bra.

Goosebumps erupted over your skin as Chris’ hands cupped your chest, gently squeezing and kneading the flesh as he parted your lips with his own, tongue slipping into your mouth to find yours in a mix of heavy breathing and saliva.

You whimpered as his fingers gently pinched and rolled your nipples. He pulled back, lowering his head and taking one into his mouth, tongue swirling around the bud. As your eyes fluttered shut, you heard light sloshing of water in the background.

Lifting your head, you caught sight of another pair of bright green eyes watching you from just above the surface of the water, wet blond hair swept back. Felix was swimming back and forth behind Chris, just observing as the blue-haired man’s lips moved lower and lower, reaching your navel.

He pulled back, his deft fingers making quick work of your belt before quickly undoing the tack button and zipper of your shorts. “Lift your hips for me, pretty,” Chris breathed. You did as he asked, allowing him to tug the wet material of your shorts down your thighs and discard them on the rocks beside you.

Once he had you completely naked, he shifted down, shrugging your legs over his shoulder before bringing his face level with your sex. He didn’t even spare a second glance before diving right in, parting your lips and dragging his tongue slowly over your clit. Your fingers tangled in his hair, hips rolling as he ravaged the nub with his tongue.

You heard another splash and lifted your head to find Felix was even closer now, eyes instead on where Chris’ head was between your thighs. He had an intense look of hunger on his face but judging by how he still kept his distance, you figured there was some kind of hierarchical order at play here. Chris must have been the more dominant of two but you weren’t about to let Chris have his way with you without giving Felix some attention.

After all, they had both said they wanted you. It seemed only fair.

Letting go of Chris’ hair you raised one hand up to beckon Felix over to you. His eyes shifted from Chris to you and back, clearly hesitating until he got permission from the larger of the two. “Chris,” you said, choking back a moan. “Don’t you – ah – don’t you think Felix deserves a reward for being so patient?”

Felix turned his gaze back towards you as Chris merely grunted in response. Taking his response as the go ahead, you once again beckoned Felix over to you with a finger. Chris’ grip on your hips tightened as Felix approached slowly. You heard a growl rumble from deep within Chris but light tugged his hair.

“You don’t have to stop,” you gasped as he dug his tongue into your hole. It was inhuman how his tongue seemed to fill your cunt, lapping at your walls and finding that soft spongy spot that had your back arching. Felix had crawled part of the way up the rocky incline, keeping his eyes on Chris, ready to bolt in the event that the large male lashed out.

There was another deep growl but Chris merely tugged you down, further into the water as he continued to fuck you with his tongue. Once he was level with your body, you reached out, taking Felix’s chin in your hand and turned his gaze towards you. “Eyes on me,” you said softly. Felix nodded silently, lips parting slightly.

“C’mere,” you said, pulling him into a kiss. The moment his lips touched yours, Chris pulled his tongue from your cunt, instead dragging it back up to your clit before sucking on the nub. You moaned into Felix’s mouth. The smaller male shifted, hovering over the top half of your body. One of his hands moved to gently grab and squeeze your chest. Another growl emanated from Chris but he allowed the contact to happen. 

Your entire body felt like it was on fire from the touches of both men — creatures? At this point you weren’t even sure what they were. The top half of them, the part out of the water, was human. But from the waist down you couldn’t even tell. You really didn’t even care at this point.

Not when they were both making you feel so good.

You moaned against Felix’s lips as you felt Chris push two fingers into your cunt, your walls squeezing around them immediately. Chris slowly pumped his fingers in and out of you, resting his head against your inner thigh as he watched your makeout session with Felix. “I have an idea,” he said suddenly. Felix pulled back, turning his head to look at the older male.

“Take her spot,” Chris said, pulling his finger from your wetness and dragging you further into the water. Felix moved into the spot you had been. “On your back,” Chris instructed, turning you around in the water to face Felix. “Look at him,” Chris whispered in your ear. You did as he said, eyes widening now that you could get a good look at Felix.

The top portion of his body was just as you already knew — human.

But where his hips began, the human toned skin blended into the dark, smooth seal-like fur. He didn’t have legs like a human. Instead it was almost like he was half man, half seal. The end of his tail was in the water so you couldn’t see the tip but could surmise it was also probably like a seal’s. Your eyes wandered over his body and you noticed the lack of a certain appendage.

Before you could ask, Chris pushed you through the water towards Felix.Your knees met the edge of the rocky incline and Chris made you climb up over Felix until you were face to face with him. “I think he needs some more attention,” Chris said as he backed away a short distance.

You looked over your shoulder at him. Felix grabbed your chin and turned you back towards him. “Eyes on me, angel,” he said in a soft but commanding tone. Without Chris nearby, he let his more dominant side come out. You nodded as his hand moved down to your throat, fingers flexing lightly around your neck before he slid his hand around to the back and pulled you into a messy kiss.

You allowed him to take the lead, one hand resting on the back of your neck as the other moved to pull you over him as he laid back against the rock. You let out a moan as your core came into contact with the smooth skin of where a groin would be on a human. There was a rather large bulge you were pressing against at the base of his torso.

Both his hands moved to your hips, guiding you to grind against him. The friction felt amazing since Chris hadn’t quite gotten you over the edge. “That’s it,” Felix whispered, breath hot against your lips. “Keep going.” Your body started to shudder as you chased your high. As you got closer, you felt something warm against your cunt.

“What’s that?” you asked breathlessly. “What do you think it is, baby?” Chris’ voice asked from right behind you. While your attention was focused on Felix, he’d managed to sneak up behind you. Your mind was sent reeling with the possibility of what you were feeling between your legs. It was warm, slick, and pulsating. “Use your brain, sweetheart,” Chris added, brushing his lips along your shoulder.

Using what crude knowledge you had of their anatomy, you figured it was potentially some sort of reproductive organ. “Is it…” your words failed you, heat rising to your cheeks. Would calling it a cock be appropriate? Was it even a penis? You couldn’t see it, only feel. “Is it what?” Felix asked, amusement in his voice as he tried to coax an answer out of you.

“Is it… a… dick?”

Chris chuckled, his hot breath fanning over your shoulder. “What else would it be?” Your cheeks burned even more as you realized you were caught between their bodies. “Well, I don’t know,” you whined. “I can’t see it.” 

You let out a squeak as Chris hauled you off Felix, pulling you back towards the water just far enough that you got an eyeful of Felix’s body. Your eyes widened as you took in what you were seeing. The bulge you had been rutting against had split open at a vertical slit in the middle revealing a long deep bluish-purple appendage. 

The base of it was slightly thicker, tapering up to a slightly flared and angled head. The color wasn’t uniform throughout, being more blue at the base and more purplish at the tip. It was long, maybe twenty centimeters from base to tip. If you had to guess the circumference, you’d say it was fifteen to seventeen centimeters.

“Are you just going to stare at it?” Chris whispered into your ear. “Or are you going to do something?”

His breath made a shiver run up your spine as you stared at Felix’s cock, walls clenching around nothing as it twitched. Without speaking, you pushed away from Chris, climbing back over Felix and crashing your lips against his, pushing him back against the rock.

Felix’s hands moved to your waist, groaning as you grinded against him. He guided your hips, grinding your clit against the underside of his cock. You whimpered into the kiss, rolling your hips faster. You pulled away, pressing kisses to the underside of his jaw as you heard water sloshing behind you.

“Settle down,” Chris said calmly. You lifted your head, looking back at him. “Make me,” you retorted. The moment the words left your lips, you regretted it as his hand darted between your thighs, two fingers pushing into your sex and making you moan. He held them there, feeling your walls contract tightly. “Oh, I think she’s ready,” Chris said, addressing Felix. “You’ll get your turn,” he explained as he moved behind you, grabbing your hips and holding you in place.

“What’re you —” you murmured, lifting your head only for Felix to grab your face and make you face him. “Eyes on me, angel,” he whispered, green eyes staring into your own. You stared back, admiring the freckles that dotted his cheeks and nose.

You let out a groan, eyes fluttering shut as you felt the head of Chris’ cock press against you. Having seen Felix’s, you hadn’t expected Chris’ to be much different but you momentarily forgot that Chris was the larger of the two. Chris pushed into you, the head breaching your entrance and making you gasp out in pain. Felix’s arms wrapped around you, holding your body against his.

“Relax,” he whispered into your ear as you buried your face in his neck, body shuddering and tensing violently. Chris made no attempt to move or remove himself, instead keeping perfectly still as your walls slowly adjusted. “It’s okay,” Felix cooed. “Just relax, baby.”

You took several deep breaths as you let your body slowly calm down, the tension in your muscles lessening as the stinging pain of Chris’ cock stretching your walls ebbed away. When he felt your body was lax enough, Chris pushed further into you, his thick cock sliding inside slowly.

Felix guided you through it, whispering words of encouragement into your ear and peppering light kisses on your cheek and shoulder. The pressure of his hard cock throbbing against your clit as Chris filled your cunt made you whimper. You felt the head of Chris’ cock kiss your cervix and he finally stopped.

“Hold onto her,” Chris said softly to the blond as he moved his hands to support his weight, palms flat against the rock. Felix’s arms around you tightened and before you could ask what was going on, you felt Chris start to pull from you, making you whine but as quickly as he retracted, his hips snapped forward, thrusting into you with a strength you didn’t expect.

You cried out both in shock and in pleasure, the wind being knocked from your lungs with the first powerful thrust. He set a steady, but bruising pace, pounding into you from behind. Each thrust made your hips rock forward, grinding your clit against Felix, making both of you moan.

You buried your face in Felix’s neck, muffling your cries of pleasure. The lewd squelching sound of Chris’ cock ramming into you repeatedly echoed around the cavern along with his grunts and Felix’s moans. You felt impossibly full of his cock, having never taken anything this big before and somehow he managed to fit all of it inside you.

“God,” you heard Chris groan. “You’re so beautiful when you’re fucked out under him,” Felix added, moving a hand to cup your cheek, chuckling breathlessly when you leaned into his warm palm.

Your walls spasmed around Chris’ cock as the orgasm that had been building since he had you on your back finally crashed over you, waves of bliss spreading throughout your body as if shuddered, your clit still grinding against the underside of Felix’s slick cock. His hips started to buck, grinding hard against you as he chased his own high.

“F-uck,” he groaned. “Gonna cum!”

His warning came just in time as you felt a warmth gush between your bodies as his release spilled out of him, painting his stomach and spilling onto the rock under him. His hold on you pulled you closer, this cum sticking to your body as well as Chris thrust harder into you, each movement erratic but still powerful as he neared the edge.

“Hold her still,” he growled, which Felix complied instantly, holding you in place as another orgasm washed over you, your cunt convulsing around Chris’ cock, taking him over the edge with you with a loud moan. Chris’ teeth sank into your shoulder as he came, muffling his growl as he released into you, his hot, thick cum coating your walls and spilling out of you.

He continued to move, thrusting and fucking his cum back into you until he stopped, burying his cock deep inside, the tip resting against your cervix as another surge of cum spilled into you. You could feel a small pressure build in the pit of your stomach, moaning as his cum spilled into your womb. It was unlike anything you’d ever felt before.

“She’s passing out,” you heard Felix murmur as he tilted your head, your eyes fluttering shut and their voices starting to fall to the background of your consciousness. “Clean her off,” you barely heard Chris say before everything went black.

When you came to, you were lying on your back, cool air hitting your skin. Your eyes opened abruptly and you sat up, looking around to find you were on the outskirts of your camp. The sun had long since set and the sky was littered with stars. You got up, looking down to find you were dressed in semi dry clothes. Your bag sat next to where you’d been lying.

You brushed yourself off and grabbed your bag, finding your canteen full of water. You stumbled back into camp, thighs sore as you looked around. You found your tent and walked over, unzipping it and peering inside. You slunk into it, turning to zip it shut and started to mull over what just happened.

Had you passed out from exhaustion and imagined the whole thing?

The ache between your thighs said otherwise. You opened your bag to check your things, grabbing your flashlight to inspect the contents. Nothing seemed to be missing as you pulled everything out until you saw a small note inside one of the small pockets. Placing the flashlight between your shoulder and jaw, you used both hands to hold the bag and pull out the paper, unfolding it before grabbing the flashlight and reading the note.

©️ kwanisms 2024 | all works on this blog are protected under copyright. Do not repost, continue, or translate my works. All graphics made by me.

[amadholes-lostre]

Modern Westeros/Freaky Friday Au

Creativity has gripped me again. And when I meant grip, I meant it is struggling me like Homer Simpsons to Bart.

It takes place in a modern Westeros like my previous au, only that the monarchy is already abolished decades. Houses, however, are still relevant like the Targaryen, Hightower, and Stark. The idea that Rhaenrya (they're nonbinary/masculine, use they/he pron. and prefer the name Rhaenor or Rhae) is dating Alicent, and they're in college. They both in college, either in their first or second year (they're both 19).Rhaenor is pursuing dracology (Syrax here, still a dragon but size of a large cat), and Alicent is majoring in theology (still a devoted 7-faithist, but she is an Adolent (a Reformative denomination of the 7-faith).

The idea is that, after having pre-marital sex with Alicent the previous night, Rhae wakes up in her canonHotd-bed. Like a typical person will do, she freaks thr fuck out, summoning a maid which Rhae scream at, which summon her swonshield she also scream in flight (she naked mind you). Meanwhile, canonHotd Rhaenrya is in Rhae and Modern Alicent (who is naked, too) and she too freak out and cause Alicent and cat-size Syrax freak (she almost burned down the dormitory, again).

The idea that the two try to navigate in her alternate self, though canonHotd characters immediately know Rhae isn't their rhaenrya. One idea is that instead of switching body, their actual bodies change places (so Rhae will have her undercut short-hair), and Rhae kept her phone. And shenanigans assure.

Like the idea Rhae is allowed to attend Small Council meeting, and she outstanded all the Council members by her high school degree (mind you, a private academy because they're a nepobaby and how they met Alicent) and like 4-5 college terms. She awestruck and said outloud that Maesters are abolished and seceded by a college-like system. Beesbury immediately likes him while Melos hates his guts. When he questioned that they should examine if Rhar's has his maidenhood (all of them keep mispronouns them), Rhae will laugh at him and said maidenhood doesn't exist.

Another is Rhae meeting canonHotd Syrax and going apeshit: "look at you! You're fucking huge! My baby is now a mighty dragon now!" And Syrax doesn't really mind them.

Also, Rhae having his phone freaks out all the canonHotd characters, too.

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (7-13 Apr 2024)

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🥰 If This Is As Far As We Go (BeauRadley) - 124K, stucky no-powers AU - after a year of being phenomenal hookup buddies, bucky ends their arrangement & throws steve into a tailspin - slow burn, angsty, oblivious steve slowly realizing his true feelings, good supporting cast

😊 Bunt! Striking Out on Financial Aid (Ngozi Ukazu & Mad Rupert) - cute graphic novel about art students forming a softball team to exploit a financial aid loophole

😍 Death in the Spires (KJ Charles, author; Tom Lawrence, narrator) - historical murder mystery set in 1905 Oxford - another KJC absolute banger: incredible sense of place, fantastic characters, perfectly done 'whodunnit' tension and a HIGHLY SATISFACTORY resolution. Loved every word

💖💖 +76K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

The Man, the Myth, the Legend (sparklyslug) - Check Please!: gen, 2.9K - Holster's beatboxing skills brings all the a capella groups to the Haus - a short, fun, funny, outsider POV fic

Say it louder for the people in the back (redhook) - MCU: shrinkyclinks, 14K - reread, forever fave - sometimes you just get a yearning to reread the best glory hole fic ever written

In Focus (sparklyslug) - Check Please!: zimbits, 6K - Jack's photography eye knows what's up before his conscious brain does

Entering Orbit (museaway) - Star Trek AOS: spirk, 30K - good post-AOS canon-divergent fic where Jim goes home to Iowa to escape the press & Spock joins him

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Hot Ones - Conan O'Brien

QI - series S, ep 13

Game Changer - s6, e5 {Bingoception}

Um, Actually - s9, e4

D20: Fantasy High: Junior Year - "Dawn of Justice" (s21, e14)

D20: Adventuring Party - "We're Running on 200%" (s16, e14)

Death In Paradise - s11, e4-8; s12 e0-8, s13 e0-8

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Working - How to Be Both a Critic and a Creator

Worlds Beyond Number - WWW #10: Of the Reaching Green

Worlds Beyond Number: Fireside - Fireside Chat for WWW ep10 "Of the Reaching Green"

Short Wave - How Climate Change And Physics Affect Baseball

Consider This from NPR - Bad Omens Or The Cycle of Nature? How The Ancient World Viewed Eclipses

⭐ Armchair Expert - Anna Kendrick [Rerelease from 1/9/23]

Today, Explained - Is college still worth it?

The Sporkful - Jewish Food Is More Than Matzoh Balls

WikiHole - BEYONCÉ (with Zoë Chao, Nat Faxon and Poppy Liu)

⭐ All Songs Considered - Songs to make you laugh, with 'Weird Al' Yankovic

In Defense of Fandom - Season 2 Episode 2: Putting my theory to the test

Dinner’s on Me - Orville Peck

⭐ Switched on Pop - Chasing old sounds: Djo's "End of Beginning" with Joe Keery

⭐ 99% Invisible #577 - The Society of Ambiance Makers and Elegant Persons

⭐ Vibe Check - A Special Conversation with Ada Limón

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Brown Mountain Lights

Short Wave - The Order Your Siblings Were Born in May Play a Role in Identity and Sexuality

⭐ Code Switch - How Frederick Douglass launched generations of Black and Irish solidarity

⭐ Decoder Ring - Can the “Bookazine” Save Magazines?

⭐ Imaginary Worlds - African Sci-Fi Looks to a Future Climate

Worlds Beyond Number - WWW #11: Promises Promises

Worlds Beyond Number: Fireside - Fireside Chat for WWW ep11 "Promises Promises"

What Next: TBD - Does Google Suck Now?

Short Wave - What To Know About The New EPA Rule Limiting 'Forever Chemicals' In Tap Water

Code Switch - Reflecting on the legacy of O.J. Simpson

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Atlas Obscura Live: Two Places And A Lie

Dear Prudence - I Lost a Lot of Weight and Now I Enjoy Being a Mean Girl. Help!

It's Been a Minute - The car culture wars; plus, the problem with child stars

Endless Thread - RIP Lil Miquela

Shedunnit - You Probably Imagined It!

Armchair Expert - John Cena

Worlds Beyond Number: Fireside - [One Shot] A County Affair: Prologue

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Presenting Bonnie Raitt

Lowrider Oldies

Huge House Anthems

Djo

Classic Soul BBQ

A LA SALA [Khruangbin] {2024}

Presenting Khruangbin

Happy Beats

'80s One-Hit Wonders

Feel-Good Classic Rock

[bleachbleachbleach]

Meme

Tagged by @r473n! Thank you! Check out their responses as well!

Rules: Answer and tag 6 people!

Favorite color: red; but to wear, purples/greens/blues Last Song: N/A Currently reading: I just finished Erasure by Percival Everett and A Bestiary by Lily Hoang (I prefer other books by both authors to these two, though...). No current book because I need to switch gears and care for my browser tabs! My current tabs are:

40 Acres and a Lie by Alexia Fernández Campbell, April Simpson, and Pratheek Rebala

Dr. Renji AU, part 1.5a+b by @recurring-polynya

Crow Jane Makes a Modest Proposal by Saidiya Hartman

<3333333333

Currently craving: I wanted a taquito so I already ate (...three). Coffee or tea: t e a! <3

from a shelf-organizing session. not all teas are pictured

Raspberry passionfruit black tea from Grandma's Cheesebarn in Ohio; hazelnut chocolate from DavidsTea (my favorite dessert tea but I don't think they make it anymore? :(((); a sencha from an omiyage brand that's everywhere but that bag is from Minamikyuushu; manoomin tea from Thunder Bay, ON; strawberry green tea from the Nikkei Museum in Vancouver, BC; Soba Cha from the Oakland Tea Company; lapsang souchang (my Matsumoto tea) from T2; and some very fancy Taiwanese oolongs sourced by a couple teashops in Seattle.

I no-pressure tag the 6 most recent people in our Activity! @cymraes99, @boredisme, @nightjarred, @terriblepuns-n-roses, @suprememysticalbeing, @adaneth

[tetraandtheapples]

Thisss omfg. I actually love to think about how characters were coded, esp universes.....

I really love to think of Dream and Nightmare coding wise being almost completely the same. In fact, to such an extent that Nightmare's code is literally copy/pasted from Dream's with only a few variables changed here and there. If you were to have a look, you'd find multiple large chunks of code with comments like "// Dream's torso" or "// Dream's left leg" etc etc etc. The only parts that would be corrected to actually say Nightmare would be things that actually differ, like personality or his eyes being purple.

With their orb forms specifically (seen below LOL) I like to think between the two of them, the only difference in their code would be a single boolean (TRUE or FALSE value) deciding whether they are made of positive or negative energy... because then it sorta has this narrative add-on where legit they could've been very very similar if it weren't for how they were treated as children by the villagers. Whole nature vs nurture thing ykyk lmao

As for universes, I think it should be stated that Undertale's code is. Not the best! Fun fact, did you know all of Undertale's dialogue is one giant switch statement? For those without any programming knowledge, there are better ways to do this LOL.

But that aside, when coding an AU, I definitely think there are multiple ways to do so. I love to think the way Error actually destroys universes is that he actually is able to corrupt data... based on this bit of dialogue.

When Error goes to destroy an AU, he does state that he has to inspect it a bit, before nabbing the human to prevent any resets and such... undoing his work. When he does inspect though he's subjected to however a creator has made their own world. I really love to think certain worlds are harder to destroy for him just because the code is unreadable EHAHAHA.

For example, take these two simple programs I made in about 5 minutes:

Functionally, they do the same thing - take in a whole bunch of numbers given by the user and then spit out an average of all those numbers. However, where these two differ is that the first one is fucked to read - shitty variable names (pissShit, shitpiss, i hardly know her!), no spacing, no comments. Versus the much more readable second version where you can actually get an idea of what's going on. (I know the example is probably unneeded LOL but I like rambling and yapping. Sue me :P)

So there's Error, and sometimes he'll get very neat and tidy universes that are easy to read, understand, comprehend, etc etc. Hooray!! And from there he can be real slick with his destruction - maybe change a few important variables here and there and then immediately watch a world crumble into nothingness. Easy in and out job. Flawless. Sleek!

But then sometimes he'll come across this hellish AU - code completely incomprehensible. The creator decided it would be a good idea to use both the variable names "Fucked" and "fucked" and he didn't notice the capitalisation for an embarrassingly long time. Or they decided for whatever reason to write their AU in the joke programming languages Brainfuck or LOLCODE. And he'll go around crushing random bytes in a temper tantrum out of frustration only to see a single tree being deleted from existence, and then Ink decides to show up and it's all horrible and nothing goes his way ever. >:[

I also like to think he has to deal with these sorts of comments in his code... HEHAAHA (These are all from Simpsons: Hit and Run).

But yes..... ramble over.......... wah

Do u think that the way a character is coded affects how others perceive things once they're around them?

LOLE, HEAR ME OUT

what if the way u can know that Nightmare is nearby isn't even his aura, but the sheer LAG that happens? What if part of the misery comes from the fact that some people can identify these things w/ game behaviour, and they realize what is happening. Like, there are people noclipping through the walls, teleporting, and you speak something at the same time somebody answers something u said 2 minutes ago because Nightmare's code is held together by glue and prayers, and checks if there is negativity in an *immense* radius every second, yandere dev style?

I mean, how would it affect other characters? How would it affect battles? Nightmare is stated to know that there is something else outside of the multiverse, so I don't think it'd be mind boggling for him to know it's a game.

But a bunch of the other major characters have experienced realizing that things aren't real at least once. They would realize quickly. How would each of them individually react? Hell, what about the likes of Dream, which never had experience with anything like that?

AND ERROR.

OH lord, things must get impossible when Error's close to Nightmare. You try to move and you don't, and it's as if you're in a dream, and the hallways go on forever. What if AUs literally crash and restart in situations like this? I bet it'd annoy Error to no end, tbh. Man just wants to destroy an AU, but it keeps rebooting. :(

I also think Dream makes things laggy af. His radius is probably smaller, tho, so maybe it's less? I think that'd be part of why he's kinda warm.

Maybe Nightmare is not as warm because his body works like a cooler, but it could get really hot depending on situations.

Maybe he can get a hell of a lot cold if parts of his code get "innative"?

[egcdeath]

i am so grateful to have 400 of you all, and to celebrate i decided to host a challenge!

much like wanda maximoff, i am a lover of sitcoms. similarly to her, i think it’d be fun to insert myself into a few of them. this is why my challenge will be centered around sitcoms!

the groundrules are:

no RPF, ddlg, incest, or a/b/o

all genres of fic are welcome, angst, dark, smut, light, fluff, whatever your heart desires.

send me an ask/message to tell me which prompt you’re doing

please stick with chris evans characters!

no minimum/maximum word count, no limit on using the same prompt & no limit to your submissions

use the tag #egcdeath400challenge and send me a message when you’re finished so i can read & reblog!

you don’t have to follow to participate

it can be based off of an episode, the plot of the whole series, a certain relationship in the show, a quote, even a song from a show! it just has to be inspired by a sitcom in some capacity.

this challenge will close officially on november 30, 2021 (i may extend this date)

you can write about any show you’d like, even if it isn’t listed, but just for some inspiration i’ll leave these here.

shows

the office (or a workplace AU)

parks and recreation (or government employee AU)

friends 

schitt’s creek

arrested development 

community (or a study group AU)

new girl (or moving in with strangers AU)

scrubs (or a hospital AU)

superstore (or a grocery store AU)

2 broke girls

the simpsons

veep (or political AU)

30 rock (or a tv set AU)

how i met your mother

the good place (or an afterlife AU)

bob’s burgers

brooklyn nine-nine

common sitcom plots

someone has to pretend to be someone/something they’re not

characters go to jail

roommates move out, but end up moving back in together.

character a and character b have a nasty misunderstanding that could be solved with a conversation

going on vacation to a place that turns out to be a dump

someone has a date with two people at the same time and have to go back and forth between dates

a sick character is annoying their caretaker

character a’s pet gets lost/shaved/dies on character b’s watch, and they have to find a lookalike of their pet

characters accidentally get married

a character randomly gets famous

someone wants to make someone else jealous, but it backfires

a date auction

a forced friendship becomes real

an unlikely pair takes care of a baby

a character is afraid to say ‘i love you’

a couple is keeping their relationship secret, but their friends find out

one lie is told, then other lies have to be told in order to keep up the initial lie

a couple switches roles for a day to see who has it tougher 

someone finds a pregnancy test in the trash

someone goes into labor at the worst possible time and location

characters are trapped in an elevator

a character has two dates going on at once

sitcom couples*

*this can reflect the couple’s dynamic, the pace of their relationship, etc.

nick & jess (new girl)

schmidt & cece (new girl)

winston & aly (new girl)

jim and pam (the office)

dwight & angela (the office)

holly & michael (the office)

ben & leslie (parks and recreation)

andy & april (parks and recreation)

chris & ann (parks and recreation)

jake & amy (brooklyn nine-nine)

chandler & monica (friends)

rachel & ross (friends)

lucy & rick (i love lucy)

jonah & amy (superstore)

bob & linda (bob’s burgers)

chidi & eleanor (the good place)

jason & janet (the good place)

quotes*

*if a quote has a name or pronoun you’d like to change, feel free to do so! it’s also not necessary to use the full quote, or use the quote as dialogue.

“Put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out.” - Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation

“I don’t want to kiss and tell, but I ruined my dresser during intercourse. Will you go to Ikea with me?” - Jess Day, New Girl

“She’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with her.” - April Ludgate, Parks and Recreation

"You know, Dan, watching you try to be nice is like watching a baby smoke a cigarette -- it's kind of cool, but also very disturbing?" - Mike McLintock, Veep

"Accidents don't just happen over and over and over again, okay?" - Annie Edison, Community

“I wish I could. But, I don’t want to.” - Phoebe Buffay, Friends

“I would say I outdid myself, but I’m always this good. So I simply did myself.” - Tahani Al-Jamil, The Good Place

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was my fault that your life sucks and you’re so miserable.” - Winston, New Girl

“Sarge, with all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.” - Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"It's called chemistry, I have it with everybody!" - Jeff Winger, Community

“I can’t believe Michael betrayed us again, why is it always the ones you most expect?” - Jason Mendoza, The Good Place

“I spewed out so much bullshit, I'm gonna need a mint.” - Selina Meyer, Veep

“What happened in your childhood to make you believe people are good?” - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

"Let's do what people do. Let's get a house we can't afford and a dog that makes us angry." - Jeff Winger, Community

“I miss you so much, it hurts sometimes.” - J.D., Scrubs

“Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.” - Marshall Eriksen, How I Met Your Mother

“Congratulations! It’s official: you’re a whore.” - Max Black, 2 Broke Girls

“I don’t wanna get married right now, maybe ever, and if we got together, I’d feel like I’d either have to marry you or break your heart, and I just couldn’t do either of those things. Just like you can’t turn off the way you feel.” - Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother

“Nothing in this world worth having comes easy.” - Dr. Kelso, Scrubs

“If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called ‘talkings.’” - Nick Miller, New Girl

“Lies are always more convincing when they’re closer to the truth.” - Michael, The Good Place

“First time I was punched in the face, I was like “Oh no!”, but then I was like “this is a story..”” - Troy Barnes, Community

“Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of a game is that?” - Kelly Kapoor, The Office

“I hope no one minds if I live-tweet this bitch.” - Donna Meagle, Parks and Recreation

“Stop doing that with your face.” - Alexis Rose, Schitt’s Creek

“We were on a break!” - Ross Geller, Friends

“This ass is closed for business. This ass is in clench-down.” Selina Meyers, Veep

“You can’t cling to the past, because no matter how tightly you hold on, it’s already gone.” - Ted Mosbey, How I Met Your Mother

“So, what is this? Casual, serious? I need to know how to make fun of you.” - Rosa Diaz, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

“Marriage. It’s not for everybody.” - Monica Geller, Friends

“Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been there. OK. You’re always there. Even when I don’t want you there, you’re there. That’s what a husband does. You fight for me. That’s what a husband does. You care about what I eat. That’s what a husband does. You’ve cooked for me even when I don’t ask. That’s what a husband does. When I pass out you comb my hair so there’s no knots in it. That’s what a husband does. So guess what? You’re gonna be a great husband to Cece ’cause you’re a great husband to me.” - Nick Miller, New Girl

“Principles aren’t principles when you pick and choose when you’re gonna follow them.” - Chidi Anagonye, The Good Place

“Kids are horrible. Why do we keep making them?” - Bob Belcher, Bob’s Burgers

“Nobody can ever know that we had sex, all right? I have spent years cultivating a reputation as somebody who sleeps with bike messengers or better.” - Gina Linetti, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

“Lies are always more convincing when they’re closer to the truth.” - Michael Realman, The Good Place

“I’m relaxing, I’m getting blackout drunk, and you’re leaving me alone.” - Charlie Kelly, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

“You can’t even wash your own underwear, you dumbass!” - Winston Bishop, New Girl

“I don’t want to be married in a tent like a hobo.” - Angela Martin, The Office

“I promised myself I was not going to cry tonight, and I’ve already broken that promise five times. But I will not break it a sixth.” - Chris Traeger, Parks and Recreation

“If you weren’t all the way on the other side of the room, I’d slap your face.” - Lindsay Bluth, Arrested Development

[mythgirlimagines]

ANON-CORRECT QUOTES

----------------------------------

(In Scar's clinic, after Myth's birthday party...)

Myth: (feeling her teeth in pain) Ugh! I think all of those cakes gave me a cavity...

Myth: (turning to Scar) Do you think you could schedule a dentist's appointment for me, Scar?

Scar: (smirking, going to his computer) But of course, High Demon of the Heart! How about 10 tomorrow?

Myth: (smiling, not wasting this opportunity) No thanks, Scar! I know it's my birthday and everything, but I don't need THAT many appointments!

Scar: (grumbling in irritation and exasperation)

Source: Meme

Image Source: (https://ifunny.co/picture/me-i-need-a-doctor-s-appointment-receptionist-ok-checks-o503Pwxn8)

----------------------------------

(After Eldritch decided to tail Purple and Fusion II on their "library hangout" to find biblical proof to support his conspiracy theories...)

Eldritch: (grabbing a book off of the shelf) "M-Man-K-K-Killing Snakes of the Am-Amazon".

Purple: (dropping all of her books in shock, before looking at Eldritch in appallment)

Fusion II: (appalled) ELDRITCH! Never say "Amazon" in a BOOKSTORE!

Source: The Simpsons

----------------------------------

(How Wyre and Nerd's first meeting probably went...)

Nerd: (walks into the Con building, just minding his own business)

Wyre: (snickering to Myth, gesturing to Nerd) Oh, look! A robot!

Nerd: (deploying his identification scouter) Target identified: the paleontology industry's clown.

Wyre: (rage brewing) Is it mechanically possible for you to F*** YOURSELF?!

Source: Mortal Kombat XL

Video Source: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXJZhtnHUlE)

----------------------------------

(In Fusion's seminar room...)

Fusion: (smiling, to the rest of the Anons) Hello, and welcome to my standing-up seminar!

Iris: (trips on pure air and falls on their face)

Janon: (flops on the ground, with a dead-eyed stare)

Fusion: (deadpan and unimpressed) And you BOTH failed...

Source: asdfilms

Video Source: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6g98fTxg6Q)

----------------------------------

(In an AU where Sparkle takes up Dream as her acting protege...)

Sparkle: (from backstage, doing her best attempt at a whisper) REMEMBER, LITTLE ENERGETIC ONE, WHAT THE SPECTACULAR SPARKLE HAS TAUGHT YOU...

Dream: (giving Sparkle a nod, before facing the audience)

Dream: (dressed in a sparkly prince costume, loudly and flamboyantly) I'm Dream Anon! And I AM the dancing prince of Hope's Peak, honey!

Dream: (doing the dance moves that she's describing) I SPIN! I KICK! I FLIP! I JUMP off the stage in three inch soles! That's what brings the prince in this!

Source: RuPaul's Drag Race

----------------------------------

Curious: (happily sticking post-it notes on the backs of unsuspecting Anons)

Egg/Wet Sock: (looking at the child they've raised)

Egg: (looking to the camera, to the audience) Sooo...Curi found out that you can put post-it notes on Anon's backs without them knowing!

Wet Sock: (also looking at the audience, unimpressed) But they don't know that should say stuff like "KICK ME", so they all just have smiley faces on them...

Source: Unknown

----------------------------------

(Before the Mastermind Reveal...)

The Mastermind/Fancy One: (innocently, still in their normal clothes) Everyone thinks I'm just some bubbly little Anon-boss! But I'm not!

The Mastermind/Fancy One: (switching to their Mastermind clothes, and striking a pose) I'm also a WAR CRIMINAL! And a CORPORATE SELLOUT!~★

Source: Tik Tok

Video Source: (https://m.facebook.com/loveKLoveee/videos/not-just-your-bubbly-little-girl-bossalso-a-war-criminal-and-a-corporate-sell-ou/319567336471409/?_rdr)

----------------------------------

As always, I hope you like the quotes I've sent out, and Happy (belated) Birthday, Myth!

-Fusion Anon

[gummytweek]

Simpsons kids sheet 🙏

[compo67]

Are you still working on the time travel AU?

Hi, anon!

Oh my goodness, thank you for asking. The short answer is yes. The long answer is below the cut.

Letter to Follow is a J2 AU fic I've posted on Patreon as part of bonus content. It will be housed on Patreon until completed in full, where it will then transition to AO3, just like any other bonus Patreon fic in the past. It's at about 30,000 words and 50% finished, so it's a long fic, slow burn.

LTF takes place in Naples, Italy, 1985, where Dr. Jensen Ross, Distinguished Professor of Physics, works at the prestigious University of Naples. Jensen is a respected faculty member and expert in his field, and he specializes in particle physics. He often works with his colleage, Dr. Haji Siqqidui. She keeps Jensen balanced and integrates him into her family. One day, Dr. Jared Padalecki, of New York City, shows up, ready to start his sabbatical and write a book about the history of physics and engineering in Naples. Jared holds two PhDs--engineering and history--and teaches at NYU. At first, Jensen dislikes Jared's outgoing, "American" personality. But the more time they spend together, the more they explore Naples, the closer their bond. This fic takes into account everything going on in/around 1985, including the HIV/AIDS epidemic, the stigma of gay/queer identities/culture, and pop culture. The fic also incorporates pictures and media throughout, sort of like a photo journal. Jensen's working on something new, on the verge of a groundbreaking discovery--but is it really in the name of physics? Or is he working on something more personal?

I love this fic. I love it because it taught me so many new things. I discovered a love of physics. In high school, I was so good at chemistry and math, but only if I had the extra help/guidance. Since I was better at English and the arts--read: it was easier to do--I put all my focus on that. Then I think of the plot to Letter to Follow and wow! All my love for science came rushing back. Let me tell you, dear, that I put so much time and effort into learning and understanding the concepts that Professor Jensen is (madly) in love with--I spent so many hours writing on white boards, watching YouTube videos, listening to podcasts, reading textbooks, and taking notes. I can tell you how a particle collider works. I can map out the Standard Model of Physics.

But.

I can't tell you how time travel works.

And *that* is what I ran into--head first. Ouch.

I thought I could write it away. Every time I worked on LTF, I thought about that Simpsons quote, where Homer wants to make a movie: "It's about a killer robot driving instructor who travels back in time for some reason. His best friend is a talking pie."

D'oh! How the fuck can it happen? I wanted to go with neutrinos, but then ran into problems there. I thought, okay, let's switch to dark matter. Nope. God particle? Fine. Particle accelerator. Right, but exactly what particles? And how would Jensen access a particle accelerator on par with CERN? Then I read the news about muons and thought--AHA! I gotchu now, physics!

And then my personal life crashed and burned. This is back in September, when I stopped working, went into IOP, and struggled to function. I was also taking a class for grad school and that needed/used up all my attention. From October to November to December, it was hit after hit after hit. I'm only now just standing up, shaky, but there. I thought losing my beta would result in not being able to write anything. But it turns out, wow, I /can/ write on my own. I wrote on my own for years before getting any betas (okay, some of that shows, yikes). Am I always perfect with grammar? Fuck no. Do I always get continuity right? Nope. But do I approach these verses and characters with enthusiasm and love? Hell yes, I do.

For a while, I thought LTF wasn't worth finishing because... it's different than any other fic I've written. There's no a/b/o or mpreg. Not a lot of smut and it's a slow burn. Jensen is very dry in this verse, and increasingly affected by the stress of his work.

But I found the answer: Jared. I'll be switching the POV to Jared going forward. So the first half of the fic will be Jensen's POV--extremely necessary and sets us up well with physics content and side characters. The second half of the fic will be Jared's POV--extremely necessary and sets us up well with the engineering side of physics and the modern era.

This way, dear anon, I do *not* have to figure out the specifics of time travel and I get to play to my strengths with content about engineering, HIV, and culture. Jared is a pip in this verse. He compliments Jensen very well. I can't believe the answer was there this whole time. Now, I don't need to stress over the fact that it's actually really hard to come up with a plausible approach to time travel. Like, really, really hard. I reached out to two particle physicists and even with their guidance, could not put the puzzle together in a way that made a stronger argument/sense.

I know it might sound silly that I expected myself to solve time travel or come up with such a detailed, plausible explanation for it, just for a fic. But that's the kind of writer I am. That's the kind of person I am. The pandemic hit just as I had booked a visit to the Fermi Lab. It's still not open to visitors. I wanted to create something that wasn't "a wizard did it" or "black holes! lolololol." (Please, don't ever attempt to time travel through a black hole. Yikes.)

I did this kind of thing with It Takes a lot of Water and wanted to improve upon it. But I had a lot of self-doubt: did people even like this fic? Are my readers interested and engaged? Is Jensen too dry? Too boring?

But the more content I've consumed surrounding physics--and the more physicists I've spoken to--I understand that this narrative is actually pretty accurate.

So. There you have it. Short answer yes. Long answer yes, I just need to come back to it. I need a reread, a refresher, and a walk through of my notes. I need to believe in myself again that I can balance more than one WIP.

Thank you for the interest, anon. You've re-lit my engagement with this fic and I appreciate that so much. <3

-Cal

[regbeckblk]

modern day regulus headcannons:

- uses this emoji 😐😐 religiously

- plays lacrosse, soccer, or volleyball (or all)

- makes fun of people on twitter (lowkey has a lot of followers)

- never posts on anything else. although he does have a finsta and a private account on twitter with no followers just to rant about his life.

- listens to male manipulator music (the smiths, death grips, jpeg mafia, kendrick, MF Doom, radiohead, tame impala, mom jeans, tyler, playboi carti, earl, etc)

- one of his guilty pleasures is being a 1D stan

- quiet in class

- sirius posted a tik tok with him in it one time and all the girls were simping and asking for his @. but he refuses to give it out

- however, he is addicted to tik tok but will never post

- almost all of his classes are advanced placement/honors

- juuls in the bathroom

- in group projects, everyone will make him do the handwriting because it’s really pretty

- plays bass guitar and piano

- leaves people on read or open all the time

- best-dressed 😌 rings, cross chain, docs, cuffed jeans, lots of layers... yk the vibe

- will always try to spark drama just to keep school interesting 💅

- favorite anime/mangas are death note, tokyo ghoul, and maid sama

- smoked one time and greened out. so he’s terrified of smoking ever again

- doesn’t like school dances but he gets dragged to them all the time. never has a date bc he doesn’t want one

- middle school regulus was edgy. listened to the emo holy trinity (but paramore and pierce the veil was his favorite), cried when XXXtention died, posted sad bart simpson edits, etc 🙄

- that type of white boy who would say some shit like “MBDTF is better than To Pimp a Butterfly” or “J. Cole is a better rapper but Kendrick is a better lyricist”. boy stfu

- also the type of guy to say “i’m socially democratic but economically conservative” STFU I ACTUALLY HATE HIM

- maybe later in his high school career or college he picks up the communist manifesto and switches up

- will always doodle and sketch in his notebook while taking notes

- fuckboy 😒 doesn’t matter which au he’s in.

[swordmaid]

You know if Brienne is related to the Targaryens through Daella or Rhae, her great-great grandmother would be a Dayne, a member of the family who has the Sword of the Morning and the cost of arms featuring a sword and a shooting star.

Also the Dayne coat of arms is purple, which is just red or pink mixed with Blue (Tarth’s coat of arms). I would imagine this might be read to foreshadow Brienne merging both being a Lady (in all senses of the term), a Knight, a mythical hero by as you said in another ask/answer by “bring[ing]...her knightly values into the political landscape” just as she brought many values of Ladyship and Femininity (TM)— compassion, maternal instincts, patience, empathy—into the Knighthood sphere already.

Like the great Marge Simpson, I just think it’s neat that GRRM has intentionally, unintentionally, and theoretically layered all this symbolism involving astronomy and gender roles into Brienne’s story from her association with bears & lions to her confirmed & probable ancestry to Tarth’s sigil & political title. It’s also cool that the moon and sun are usually gendered constructs in mythologies, but which gender the sun and moon depends on the culture.

In Norse and Japanese traditions, the sun is a woman and the moon a man. While in Greek and Aztec ones, the genders switched. So knowing global mythology, it is interesting to see that blurring of and difference in gender and gender roles reflected in Brienne’s character. It’s also interesting to note that Eos, the goddess of the dawn—a period arguably caught between moon and sun—is a woman.

And Astraea—a virgin goddess of innocence, the stars and justice—ascended to the Stars because humanity became too lawless. She plans to return to usher in a new golden age of justice. Because of all this symbolism, it would be fun if Jaime and Brienne end up with 7 daughters both as a shout out to the Seven Sisters Star cluster and that lion prides are mostly female relatives.

To my knowledge, dragons aren’t connected to the heavens. That said, you could say dragons are ‘lightbringers’ because of their fire breath. While and Martin is mostly working out of a western storytelling tradition, dragons are considered rain and aquatic deities and forces in Chinese and Japanese traditions. That could work for Brienne since she is associated with light and water. Anyway, I am now really digging the concept of a Melusine AU

It’s also interesting to consider how lion symbolism coincides with the Lannister siblings. In alchemy, the lion in general seems to symbolize enlightenment, ascension, the keeper of alchemical secrets (I read this on a website so I am not sure how accurate it is) while the red lion symbolizes the final stage of making the philosophers’ stone. This emphasis on wisdom fits Tyrion really well. In Jungian psychology, the lion represents the dangers of being devoured by unconscious desires and

and passions, the Egyptian lion-headed goddess Sekhmet has a blood-lust, and the alchemical green lion eating the sun can represent the consciousness being overcome by violent and frustrated desires, which is very Cersei. For Jaime, the lion means military might, strength, and justice. The Strength Tarot card is usually represented by a woman gently opening a lion’s jaw, representing the strength of compassion & gentleness overcoming physical strength, paralleling Jaime’s journey towards

paralleling Jaime’s journey towards finding new ways to be strong after his maiming and reclaiming his knightly ideals. And the lion’s association with the sun, the moon, and the liminal space between day and night connect him with Brienne’s astronomical symbolism as well as her journey regarding how to be ethical in a world where the lines between lawful and unethical are often blurred.

For all three, the lion represents the “subterranean sun” (gold), pride, royalty, and the dangers of power corrupting when ethical and moral values are missing. I think all three siblings’ stories are connected to leadership and ethics in different ways, which fits into GRRM’s statement about ASOIAF being about Aragorn’s tax policies.

dont have anything else to add to this but wow what’s it like having a big brain. but these are all so interesting to think about though! brienne’s great grandmother being rhae or daella and her having an association with arthur dayne would ALSO be another link to her with the ‘true knights’, and adds more heroic imagery to her character as well as really build up the ‘born for greatness’ trope that i think her character has. and i do agree i dont know if it’s intentional or not but i really like how germ has implemented the duality of her character through the visual and symbolic cues that’s surrounding her. it’s a really Neat way to character build.

[tarripup]

May was... well the stream was basically me biting off more than I could chew, given the level of exhaustion I was fighting at the time, so it did take a teeny while before I continued the stream just a few days ago... but we got there! We did it!! :D

And now, the patrons who requested, and what they requested:

Vin: Hilda, climbing. Osaka: The mermaid Mizuko, singing. Zanko: Bernadetta, from... somewhere I can't remember. xD MaxWhittemore: Lisa, aka "The Lizard Queen" from the Duff Gardens episode of The Simpsons. Edtropolis: Porkchop, wielding a machete, from Doug. Timbomb: A Seedot, from Pokémon. leemcd56: Bandit, from Bluey. MichenSneeuwhart: Marie, from Tamberlane. MysticMind89: Mae, playing bass guitar au natural, from Night in the Woods. And I just drew little Tarri from Happy Mart, a bit older, playing a Switch. :3

[peter-parkourwrites]

Heartbreak Summer 3

Bucky Barnes x Reader, College AU

Summary: James Buchanan Barnes broke your heart two years ago. Now, after settling down finally in college with your group of old and new friends, he ́s transferred into your school, and maybe back into your heart.

Word Count: uhhh idk

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of death, slight thor x reader, jealous buckaroo, crying, fluff if you squint

A/N: TAG LIST IS OPEN!! Also uhhh sorry this is a lil late my laptop is broken and i can’t use the schools to post it here so i had to improvise and use my phone for it so thats also why it’s not edited completely 😤 but thank you for reading 💖

Feedback is always appreciated! Thanks for reading loves, I hope you guys like it!

*Gif not mine, credit to owner*

series masterlist

It’s hard to actually pinpoint the exact moment you fell for Bucky, it always has been. Maybe it was when you met. Steve had invited you and Wanda out to one of their highschool football games because he knew Tony would tag along, and you were almost certain he would ask if he was coming. That night he simply ignored anything anyone besides Tony said, leaving yourself, Bucky, Sam, and Wanda to chat. Bucky's whole aura made you giddy, he kept you on your toes and laughing. His blue eyes reminding you of an ocean, that you wouldn’t mind drowning in. Or maybe it was when he saw you walking home in the pouring rain and offered you a ride in his mom's minivan.

Sure, you tell people forever. But that’s only because you’re a bit prone to dramatics. James Buchanan Barnes had your heart, and always would. No matter how many people you dated, you’d always be his. And you realized that, lying awake at five am, the sunrise peeking in through the windows, and showing how much dust you really had in the small room.

“Steve I told you, it’s fine. I’m not mad. A little annoyed, but not mad. I just wish you would have told me.” You sighed, taking the cup of coffee his outstretched arm was holding. “Besides I am so over him. And I have more important shit to focus on than thinking about old flames.”

“What like school? Psh that shit is boring.”

“Wow I must be in another world, first Bucky comes back, and now Steve Rogers is saying ‘shit’? I should just head down to the psych unit in the medical department.” You tease, bringing the cup up to your lips.

“Please, (y/n/n) you work on that floor anyways.”

“Hey! It’s not by choice you idiot, my professor wants us to switch things up every few weeks. But thankfully I start my internship soon.”

“With professor Coulson?”

“Yeah.” You hum and walk over to the couch, that has a plethora of pillows tossed about. “Starting on the pediatric floor I think.” You mumble into the cup of coffee as you slowly lift it up to your lips for another ling sip.

Steve sits across from you on the old black recliner he’s had since you could remember. He loved that squeaky old thing. Even if everytime he actually reclined in it, it’d send him flying violently backwards.

“That’ll be cool, you’ve always been good with kids.”

“Only because of Becca, I called her earlier and told her about it, and she reminded me of when Bucky, you and I had to take care of her. Man that whole weekend was a mess.”

“Yeah we had to beg his parents not to leave us alone for the weekend ever again.” He laughed, crossing an arm over his chest like he was on SNL. You rolled your eyes and finished the rest of the coffee.

“Oh whatever, anyways thanks for letting me come over at ungodly hours.” You grinned, kicking your legs up on the rest of the couch and craning your head to the side to look at him. Steve nodded and placed his cup on the table.

“I’m always here to talk, you know that (Y/N).”

“Don’t get all sappy on me now.” You groaned, grabbing a pillow from beside you and tossed it at him. He caught it without a glance and turned on the TV. “Showoff…” You muttered, crossing your arms over your chest and turning to face the now illuminated screen, as a rerun of Law and Order started playing.

You and Steve lounged around for a good hour and a half, now being around seven. He got up to make breakfast for everyone while you clicked through the guide.

“You guys have shitty TV, this is all football.” You moaned, dramatically flopping against the back of the couch. “Don’t you guys ever watch anything interesting? Like The Simpsons, or Criminal Minds? At least one of you has to be a sucker for crime documentaries.”

“That would be me.” Sam announced his arrival as he walked out from the hallway and to the front door as a rapid knocking was heard. He pulled open the door and Tony came rushing in, hair disheveled and eyes wide.

“I thought you died!” He yelled, waving his arms around wildly in your direction.

“We told you she wasn’t dead.” Nat said with a groan as she walked in behind him, dragging a half asleep Wanda behind her. “Hey hun, he woke us up yelling that you were gone.”

“He made up,” Wanda yawned, “So many theories…” She groaned and flopped down on the couch, laying her head on your thighs. You chuckled and patted her forehead, continuing to scroll past the plethora of sports channels.

“Like what?” You asked, turning your head slightly to glance at Tony. He was having a hushed chat with Steve and turned his attention back to you, now holding a steaming cup of coffee.

“Oh ya know, you an Buckaroo getting back together, you got drunk and left the apartment without even knowing, or Thor had asked you to go over for a quickie.”

“Gross!” You hissed, chucking the remote at him. It went sailing past him and landed on the floor with a thud. “We do not have quickies.” You muttered, crossing your arms over your chest and letting out a huff of air.

“Hey does anyone know how Buck takes his coffee?” Steve asked, eyes scanning over the different creamers.

“Black with two sugars. Unless it’s from Starkbucks, then creamer. Says it’s too bitter” You said, the words flying out of your mouth before you could even stop them. The kitchen went silent and you faked innocence as Nat raised a brow at you for an explanation. “What?!” You yelped and raised your hand in defense. “We dated for three years, and it's not like it’s that hard to remember.”

“Uh-huh just keep telling yourself that you love sick fool.”

“Tony shut up I am not.”

“Yes you are.”

“No.”

“Yessss.” He said in a sing-song voice as Steve walked over with a plate of pancakes. Wanda sat up from your lap, only to move beside you. Nat sat on the floor next to Sam who kept picking food off her plate, you could have sworn Nat threatened to stab him at least twice. Steve sat in his usual recliner, and Tony sprawled out next to you on the couch.

“Jesus what did I miss?” Bucky’s raspy morning voice filled your ears, and you shuddered, a chill running down your spine. You shook it off by reaching for the syrup.

“Pancakes and yelling.” Wanda beamed up at him before grabbing the syrup from your hand. “Share.” She muttered, sending you a glare. You stuck your tongue out at her before beginning to dig in to your second pancake.

“(Y/N) never shares her food.” Bucky chuckled and began fixing two plates of food. Shooting him a cold glare, you finally looked at him. His long locks were an absolute mess, per-usual in the mornings, he had black basketball shorts, hanging low on his waist and he was shirtless. You gulped, your eyes not daring to scan his god like body.

But you failed, like usual. And oh you wished you hadn’t looked. He still looked as if he was sculpted by the gods, that much was obvious but there we small red and purple marks littering his collarbones. Hickies.

You gulped down the last bite of your food and with a shaky hand, placed the plate on the coffee table.

Sensing your mood change Nat sat up, but still chewed on her blueberry pancakes. Wanda already had a hand pressed up against your lower back, but you brushed her off as you stood up.

“Actually James, I do, just not with you.” You muttered, before walking over to your stuff. You pulled Thor’s sweatshirt from the back of your chair and slipped it over your head, then stuffed your phone into your pocket. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have class and I’d rather not be here when your little… plaything wakes up.” With that, you opened the door, stepped out, and slammed it shut. Then you took off down the hall to your own apartment and threw yourself in.

“Fuck fuck fuck!” You chanted, tripping over furniture, tears already spilling from your eyes.

You did have class, that much was true. Then you had a study group with some lower-classmen you were helping in biology. So you weren’t really lying, even if it was at noon, not eight in the morning. But you had to get out of there, you could barely hold yourself together seeing him alone after a one night stand, but seeing him with the girl? No way in hell you would have kept it together. Not like this.

You wiped the tears off your cheeks, rubbing under your eyes. Red cheeks replaced the pale ones you had moments before, and the bags under your eyes were way more noticeable. Turning on the faucet, you splash your face with cold water and run your fingers through your hair.

“Get it together…” You muttered, not even wanting to look at yourself in such a disheveled state.

-

“No that’s not right.” Peter’s voice became a distant memory, your head falling limp in your palm as you fought against the sleep that was pulling your eyelids closed.

After the mini reality check from earlier, you managed to take a quick shower, and throw your hair up into a ponytail. You looked presentable at best, but it was better than not showing up at all. You managed to toss on one of Thor’s old sweatshirts you stole, along with a pair of leggings, and some slippers. Because the weather was surprisingly cold for early fall.

“Sorry, what?” You blinked as MJ tapped your shoulder.

“Peter wants to know why blood sugar levels are so important.” She mumbled, not even sparing you a glance, her nose dug into a book.

“Because, Our blood sugar refers to how much glucose is present in the blood. Glucose is important for cells to be able to make energy and build other complex carbohydrates. However, too much glucose can be toxic for the body. So we need to know if it becomes too much, or too little. You should know this.”

“And you Miss (Y/N), shouldn’t be falling asleep.” Peter teased, sticking his tongue out at you as you shot him a glare.

“Listen kid, I didn’t sleep last night and I haven’t had enough coffee. Stark is dropping me off some.”

“Just get the coffee from the front desk.”

“Parker I am going to pretend you didn’t just say that. Library coffee is horrible. I need fresh brewed from home, or Dunkin.”

“Oh or that nice little place on Manhattan blvd.” Ned added and you nodded, shooting him a warm smile.

“Yes, the absolute best.”

“I heard my name.” Tony said with a grin as he placed the steaming cup in front of you.

“If you mean the absolute worst? Then yes, yes you did.”

“Harsh, I have been wounded. Maybe I’ll just drink this coffee myself.” The brunette mutters, pulling the cup just out of your reach and taking a small sip. You shriek violently and fling your textbook at him. Tony simply steps out of the way before shooting you a sly grin.

You let out an annoyed groan, standing up from the chair and picking up your textbook, and that's when Tony really sees what you're wearing.

He knows this small step back into what you used to be, like dipping your toe into the pool to test the water before diving in.

Under Thor’s blue sweatshirt, is one of Bucky's red henleys. He had plenty, they were his favorite shirt. And he’d be damned if they ever got stolen… by anyone other than you of course.

Tony's breath catches in his throat as you yank the sweater back over the fabric to refrain from prying eyes of passerbys, your friends, and most importantly Bucky.

“Y/N-”

“Please don’t…” You choke out, holding back a soft cry. He nods, understanding, but not ready to completely let it all go. He places a gentle hand on your wrist and waits for you to look up at him. Your eyes are slowly turning puffy and red, even more so than they already were. Your free hand is picking at imaginary lint and he lets out a sigh.

“Okay… not here.” He confirms and shakes his head at your pleading face, that's begging him to drop the subject completely.

Tony doesn’t give in to the puppy dog eyes that make everyone else but him and Natasha melt. He places a short peck to your forehead, hands you your coffee and walks off after saying a quick hello to Peter.

You clear your throat, take a small sip of the now lukewarm liquid and sit back down in the creaky hard chair.

“Sorry, where were we?” You ask, looking around the room instead of the freshman in front of you.

“Lets get some lunch.” MJ announces, abruptly standing up and shoving her books into her bag, clearly over the study session.

Of course she was done with the study session, anymore talk about isotopes and she might have exploded. But she also noticed how uncomfortable you got when Tony had started whispering to you. She had some inkling as to why. When you were a senior in highschool, she was a freshman. It was uncommon for the two classes to mingle but you and her got along great. Her, Peter, and Ned were tossed into an AP Calculus class, and you of course had gotten stuck with them. But it wasn't all bad, yourself and MJ had often made snarky comments towards the boys, and would mumble obscenities under your breath as the teacher would get things mixed up. MJ was observant, and quite the character, so when you and Bucky had split up, she knew it immediately.

Everyone was truly shocked when you both split. Bucky had left for Europe the day after, and you showed up to school, alone, with puffy eyes. She recalls when you were taking your final the next day you had ran out in the middle of it, tears pooling down your cheeks.

And she resented him a little for it, but then again she didn ́t know what happened, and she didn't know why, and she didn't know Bucky.

But it wasn't like it was rocket science to figure out that he was what had you so shaken up. MJ heard a rumor about him coming back, but refrained from saying anything because… a rumor is just that, a stupid rumor. And she didn't want to upset you if she didn't have to.

“I want the extra crispy grilled cheese.”

“You get that every time Ned.” MJ grumbled as she scanned over the blackboard that held all the options on the menu.

“Okay but it’s really good.” You chimed in grinning at MJ, you pulled out your wallet as everyone ordered and reached out to pay. Peter shrieked and smacked at your hand, shaking his head.

“No no no my treat, you always help us with studying and we don’t even pay you. Let me get this.”

“Such a gentleman…” You cooed, giving him a cheeky grin. “But its work study so I get paid anyways.” Peter simply shrugged you off and handed the cash to the cashier, who grunted in response. You recognized the kid from your Economics class, and attempted to wave but he simply turned away to grab your food.

~

“I still don’t see why you didn’t want to go out tonight.” Wanda muttered as she handed you a bag of goldfish to snack on.

“Because I have homework, and I have an econ test to study for. Plus it’s movie night.”

“Econ can suck my dick.”

“Who’s sucking whose dick?” Sam muttered as he flopped down on the love seat, hanging his feet off the side.

“Econ is sucking Wanda's dick because I didn’t want to go out.”

“Well it is movie night Wands, we can't just skip it.” Nat hissed, curling up on the longer couch, settling herself comfortably beside Wanda.

“Not like everyone shows up all the time.” Wanda muttered before leaning forward and cradling the warm cup in her hands. “Where the hell are Steve and the other asshole. Or were going to start without them.”

“Relax ladies we’re here.” Bucky announced, giving Sam and cheeky grin. He nudged his legs off the side to sit, but Sam shook his head and kicked his legs back up.

“What movie’s first?” Steve asked pulling out the large box of DVD’s from behind the TV stand.

It was a large clear plastic bin with half scratched off stickers. The memories of Becca sticking them all over Bucky’s things was fresh in your mind as you stared off into the distance. She’d constantly have any sort of glittery, scented, or stickers with her favorite foods on them. When Bucky had shown up to take you to prom, there was a pink glittery heart on his shoulder.

“I vote we watch Terminator.”

“Sam we always watch that movie.”

“Yeah well get used to it (Y/N) it’s a good movie.”

“Well I for one think we should watch The Princess Bride.” Wanda announced as she dug her hand into a bag of M&M’s.

“Nope, we’re watching The Lost Boys.” You said, standing up and grabbing the box out of Steve's hand. He rolled his eyes and stood up, moving to sit in your spot.

“That shitty eighties movie about the vampires? No thanks.” Sam groaned and took a handful of popcorn from the bowl. You scoffed, placing the disk in the player and turning to face him, your hands resting on your hips.

“Shut your trap, it’s a good movie.” You hissed, sticking your tongue out at him. He gave you a playful wink and turned his attention to the screen. Surveying the area around you, you noticed Steve was now occupying your seat. Pursing your lips, a small groan left your lips. The only empty seat was next to Bucky.

Unwillingly you trudged over and plopped down beside him, your heart obviously had a different plan from your brain.

Curling your legs up into your chest, and resting your head on your knees you relaxed as best as you could beside him and focused on the movie.

The movie played quietly in the background of your thoughts as you wondered why he came back. You thought he loved it over there, from what Steve had told you, he was having a wonderful time. But then again, Steve was never good with translating sarcasm. No matter if it was in person or over text. He sucked at it, plain and simple.

Bucky also wondered why he came back sometimes. He missed his friends, his sister, and his home… you.

Bucky had always lived a hectic life. He grew up beside Steve, ever since birth they had been close. Their mothers were friends so it was only natural the pair would become close.

Steve eventually went from a scrawny kid with asthma who had a knack for fighting bullies to, Steve the football player, no longer stricken with the burden of not being able to breathe. A chick magnet, who was so kind to girls it was almost unbelievable he hadn’t dated anyone.

And then Steve met Y/N. You became fast friends and Bucky could have sworn you knew one another since you were born just like him and Steve. He had met you in sophomore year. Three years, and Steve had finally introduced him to you. But it wasn’t just simple you. Bucky was introduced to the person who changed his life. A beautiful girl who he swore made his heart beat louder than it ever had. But of course, Bucky thought you and Steve were in love. You were the only one who he allowed to refer to him as ‘Stevie.’ He hated that nickname, but not when you said it. So Bucky backed off, until your large group of friends all got smashed at a party and Steve embarrassingly kissed some dude on the track team. You practically burst with joy for him for finally doing it and all Bucky could do was sit there, beer in a cup now warming due to the burning in his hand, where you gripped it in pure joy for your shared best friend.

It was then that Bucky had made it his plan to get you to fall for him in the same way he fell for you. It was easier said than done, but he eventually won your heart.

You became his favorite person. The one he would constantly visit, and stop whatever he was doing to see you. You became his home.

He thought your voice was smooth like honey, and as sweet as the sugar his mom would put on his cheerios when he was younger. Your voice would seep into the cracks of his soul, to remind him he’d always have you.

He even had you now, as your head rested against his shoulder, the rest of your body slumped against the back of the couch. Soft snores rang through his ears, focusing only on you. He’d be damned if he or anyone else woke you up. The movie ended about an hour ago, and everyone had gone to bed. But not without some snide or silly comments on how you were cuddled up against him.

However, he paid no mind to them. All he thought about was how he missed your arms around him, your body heat radiating off of you, keeping him impossibly warm. The familiar scent of lavender and vanilla filled his nostrils as he relaxed all parts of his body but his right arm where you were curled up against. An odd position, yeah but for you? He’d fall out of a plane if it meant keeping you safe. (I’m sorry forgive me for that reference lol)

He felt you stir beside him, and Bucky froze, his breath halted in his lungs as he very slowly glanced down towards you. Your face scrunched up as you wiped at your cheek, after pulling up from his shoulder. Your eyes blinked open, and Bucky quietly watched your eyelashes kiss at your cheeks every time they fluttered shut. He froze again, praying you wouldn’t freak out, and that you’d calmly get up and go to bed, or curl up next to him again.

You chose neither and sat up fully, hunching forward and grabbing the remote from the coffee table.

“‘Nother movie?” You asked, leaning back against the couch and looking over at him. He nodded and focused his gaze on the screen as you chose a crappy netflix original. “ ‘M sorry for falling asleep on you by the way…” You mumbled, running your fingers through your hair. Bucky let out a faint chuckle and shook his head.

“I’m happy to be your headrest doll, long as you don’t drool.”

“Shut up Buck, that was one time…” You groaned, lightly punching his shoulder. He just shook his head and kept his eyes trained on your face, and he swore he saw a hint of a smile curling at your lips.

Smiling at him? Maybe, he could only hope.

Discarding the thought, much to fast for his own taste, he busied himself by grabbing some popcorn and tossing it into his mouth.

Maybe one day he’d work up the courage to actually talk to you, not some silly banter that was somewhere on the cusp of anger and misread feelings from old times… maybe.

—

TAGLIST: @thatsbucknasty @itz-kira @cassandras-musings @petlaufeyson @itzmegaaaaaaan @ambrosesnerd @thatoneslytherinbeater @sebastianstan-posts @retrxbarnes @nervosaa @vvinch3st3r @lost-in-t-h-e-abyss @spn-obession @greeneyedgirls4 @learisa @avipshamitra @uaterer @aletteredaffair @formulafun @smexy-bucky-waifu @jitterbuck @marvelsbitxh @justanothergirlwithdemons @blueeyedboobear @ladymidnightt @greatballsofeffingfire @kaithezaftig @cookies186 @mywinterwolf @buckysthing @postredetucora @coraz0ndcristal @mc225g @section-79 @eves-library

[buzzheadchick]

I’ve had a Simpsons AU I’ve been working on for awhile. I’m making a sideblog for it, but I’m mentioning it here in case anyone might be interested in hearing more.

It’s basically a “reboot” of sorts, as if the show was started today, with some seemingly random alternations in order to keep a consistent continuity and better relate to modern America. Roles might change, ages might be different, specifics and histories could be switched or ignored. Tons of one-off characters could have more reoccurring roles, whereas other characters may be more minor. I’ve already put a lot of thought into it. It’s more of myself than anything, but if anyone else likes it too, that would make me really happy.

[homeofjonicles]

The Jonicles - Entry 4

Note: This is the fourth entry of The Jonicles, hence why the date does not match when this is being posted. This was written back in May of this year before I started this blog, and there will be errors or developments in how this series was being written. Please enjoy (or don't enjoy) the fourth entry of The Jonicles! (i promise this note will disappear soon)

It is (still*) currently the 27th of May, 2022. It is 3:20 pm on a Friday and I have returned from school, and it is still day #9 of my Jon Arbuckle fixation. The day of reckoning is close, my friends.

This entry is special, and compared to the last one, this entry is a lot more lighthearted. This entry is, first of all, the (*)second entry for today, as the previous was Entry 3.5. I usually wouldn't do this if it weren't for the fact that I had some very important news to share.

This is where my second point comes in. Yesterday, on May 26th, I bought the original Garfield Kart on Steam for exactly 82¢ $AU at around 7-ish (Steam didn't save the exact time). I saw in a comment on the track "Sneak-A-Peak" from Garfield Kart (the best song) that mentioned the soundtrack having a good rating on Steam, which prompted me to exclaim "wait wHAT ITS ON STEAM????". I frantically looked up the game's store page and lo and behold, there it was, shining with its bright orange tinge as Garfield's happy little face beamed at me contently. I was in utter disbelief, but upon noticing Jon Arbuckle's happy, excited smile as he drove in the game's cover art, I instantly knew I was sold. I had to get my hands on this. The game was on sale (80% off to be exact), and upon seeing the hilariously low price of 82¢, I immediately bought the game and installed it, excited for the experience of finally committing vehicular manslaughter as Jon "Quincy" Arbuckle.

Upon opening the launcher, I decided to just play the game as is without changing any keybinds or graphics properties, leaving them on "High". I started up the game and was immediately blessed with the image of Garfield cruising around on said kart, looking at me with those beady, sarcastic eyes of his as a city spun around behind him. Then, it transitioned to the title screen, aaand...

The background was black, for some odd reason. In fact, all the backgrounds were like this, including the game itself, and I was thus unable to see what I was doing, so I restarted the game and went to configure the keybinds and graphics options. Keeping the graphics on "High" turned out to be a mistake, so I set them on "Medium" and configured the arrow keybinds to the titular WASD keys I'm used to. Then, I relaunched the game, and was truly blessed with Garfield Kart's immaculate beauty.

The sight of a colourful, cartoony neighbourhood blessed my eyes, and the equally pleasing music also blessed my ears. The music was nice, as Garfield Kart is known for having a surprisingly great soundtrack, but it was odd as it was slightly compressed like it was playing from a New 3DS, and sounded strangely like it could have come from a mix of The Sims and Simpsons Hit And Run. Calming yet goofy. Just like Jon. I like it.

I chose the tutorial stage as I wanted to get a gauge at learning to drive in this game. I had to restart the game multiple as it strangely did not save my keybinds, noting that it should have a keybind profile to quickly switch to, but I evetually got it working right. Like a child on Christmas Morning, I hurriedly started the tutorial race, being guided by a random spider (who acted as this game's answer to Lakitu from Mario Kart) and felt the joy of finally being able to cruise around in Garfield's hometown. Granted, I couldn't choose to play as Jon, but I did spot him near one of the houses and happily approached him, only to be met with the slightly terrifying realisation that he had absolutely no animations or collision as Garfield phased right through him. Additionally, he also had a vacant, blank stare upon his handsome polgonal face. From this, we can assure that this Jon is not the real Jon, but simply a fake decoy to give Garfield the illusion that all his friends and family are cheering him on. Horrifying.

The game started to have it's admittedly funny problems when I approached some wrapped lollies and boost pads. The game began to lag, and as someone with an idiotic sense of humour, I joked and laughed about how the game couldn't handle all these high quality models on the screen at once. Additionally, I was terrible at driving, particularly at drifting, which also contributed to the funnies.

Finally, I got my masters degree in eating lasagna and driving like a drunkard on a late Friday night, and I was finally ready for the Reel Deel™. I went into a race, immediately chose Jon Arbuckle as my main, chose a stupid car and chose the highest speed I could (I like my racing games FAST AS FUCK), which was 150cc. It's not 200cc like I expected, but it would have to do and I accepted it. (Additional note: Jon's description calls him clumsy and not very clever, which first of all, is rude, and second of all, made me think about how cartoony and goofy Jon is in modern comics and media, and I really quite miss seeing his more balanced serious side.)

I let out a burst of laughter upon seeing Jon's content "no thoughts, head empty" smile he seems to always have on his face and seeing him revving up for the race. God, Jon is so fucking adorable, just look at him preparing for the big race... A-Anyway, my experience was quite similar to the tutorial level, just with the added joy of playing as Jon Arbuckle. Of course, not being a very good driver, I kept crashing into things, still not getting the hang of drifting and whatnot. But it was fun, I enjoyed seeing inertia take its toll on Jon and probably causing some form of minor concussion from how violently he was being thrown around in that kart. I like how sometimes when he equips an item he ends up consistantly saying the same line twice every time he says it, say for one exception when he was interrupted by my poor driving. Heck, I clipped right through a garbage can at one point. It was fun. The only bad thing was that when I inevitably came last, Jon expressed feelings of sadness, disappointment and failure, looking glum and shaking his head solenmly. I can personally relate to those deep and crushing feelings of not being good enough to amount to anything, even something as simple as a kart race. And I just want to say, Jon, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are still a valued and loved person, even if you came last, that does not determine your worth and just how much you mean to so many people. And you may fail and fail again, and some people may laugh, but if there's one thing to remember, it's that at least I will never look down on you for your failures and low moments. And you can trust me on that. You may have come last in the race, but that doesn't mean you come last in life. I love and care about you, Jon, and I once again welcome you with open arms into my splattered mess of a memory organ I call my own brain. Enjoy your stay, buddy.

Last edited at 9:23 pm. No it did not take me  6 hours to write this, I just took a very long break and kinda forgot I was writing this.

Not much to say here other than the PC port of Garfield Kart slaps, except for when it keeps resetting the controls, and that this purchase of Garfield Kart would eventually forshadow my unending hatred for Squeak. I may write an entry about that later.

Also I really like the bit where I mention the Jon decal with no collision. I literally when "Hi Jon!" when I saw him and immediately became terrified when I drove inside him. It's like those horror movie scenes where a character sees their friend from the distance and is so happy to see them and they turn them around only to realise that their friend has been horrifically murdered and they start screaming and crying

And yeah, "lollies" is what we call candy here in Australia. No NO not THAT type of lollies. I mean the type of lollies you find in the confectionary section of Coles. Those ones.

This is probably one of my favourite entries, apart from the "Turnip Jon" one. Oh my gosh, you're gonna love the Turnip Jon entry.

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 19th of July, 2022 at 7:00 am