#the show’s camp enough that i think it would work either way. it’d just have a completely different tone

[shimmerluna]

yk i feel like rowan could’ve served more cunt. it wouldn’t have worked tonally since it’s meant to be a really dark storyline about mental illness but just imagine a world where rowan served cunt like the Do Revenge girlies served cunt for a minute with me. it’s a world not too different from ours

[ruegarding]

hello! I hope your having a good day! If you don't mind me asking, what is your opinion on the Cupid Scene in Hoo? And if you could how would you change it?

my opinion on the cupid scene…well, i don't think a traumatic coming out scene is automatically bad. the problem i have w it is that rick capitalized on shock value instead of good writing. rick retconned a bunch of things to make nico alone and miserable so that he could have this scene, and it was completely unnecessary. ppl can have friends without coming out. and, as i’ve repeatedly said, the way hoo is written is literally a repeat of his arc in pjo but worse, because we’re acting like important events in pjo didn’t happen in a series that’s supposed to be a sequel to pjo and rick is inconsistent so the payoff is questionable.

the solution is…good writing. creating a cohesive and intriguing plotline where this scene is either necessary or scrapped if it isn’t.

thus begins an unnecessarily deep dive into all the retcons, inconsistencies, and general what-the-fuckery of nico’s arc in hoo bc i’m the verbose king and we've accidentally stumbled into something i have a lot to say abt.

first retcon. in son, frank explicitly says that nico does not make him nervous and describes nico as mysterious. not weird, creepy, off-putting, or anything similar. and nico is! he is clearly hiding things and shows up infrequently. this is a neutral description, and frank goes on to say that pluto’s powers, and specifically the underworld, isn’t enough to make him dislike pluto or nico.

also this, showing nico is comfortable enough around frank:

but then in hoh, frank thinks going somewhere with nico, alone, is terrifying.

at worst, frank would’ve felt awkward. they’ve never had to talk alone bc nico is at camp jupiter for hazel and doesn’t have any reason to talk to frank by himself. if frank didn’t want to be alone w nico bc of that, it’d make sense. but that’s not what’s said or implied! and nothing has happened! nico got kidnapped, they saved him, and since then he’s been chilling on the boat, exactly as weird as before, if a little more understandably distressed. like, nothing happened to change frank’s opinion this drastically. even the difference between pluto and hades (wealth vs death) doesn’t matter bc nico uses his powers in son. also frank literally summons a skeleton guy in son and hazel is a zombie, like…

(the source isn’t important but i've been quoting these five seconds for years)

oh! and that’s not all, it gets worse!

these scenes from hoh are incredibly infantilizing. why are we treating nico like a feral dog that needs to be domesticated??? yikes. and once again, it’s not true! nico was fine talking w ppl in pjo (if a bit over-enthusiastic). and then in son he was perfectly civil and was fine having the conversation abt the quest. his issue w ppl was that his powers/parentage put ppl off, and, even in son, that he had to keep a secret.

nico is perfectly capable of speaking like a normal person and working as part of a team (see: final botl battle, final tlo battle, the sword of hades). like, nico’s struggle in hoh should be 1) that ppl are calling him creepy behind his back (and therefore has nothing to do w his social skills) and/or 2) that he just survived an incredibly traumatic experience and is understandably withdrawn. neither of these are properly addressed and instead the implication is that nico is hiding himself bc he’s gay and everything will be solved if he accepts himself.

edit: i never actually explicitly stated this, but nico's queer coding and disability coding overlap, which is why this infantilization/ableism is important enough to highlight despite the conversation specifically being abt the queer aspect of it.

second retcon. percy…as i’ve said many times before, percy explicitly calls nico his friend in tlo.

this immediately makes hoo trying to act like they don’t know each other and were never close a retcon. they were friends, they saw each other frequently, nico made silly jokes w percy…and we’re ignoring all of this in hoo.

i've talked abt this previously (in response to tsats), but nico is the one putting distance between him and percy. percy reached out to nico repeatedly thru pjo.

when percy notices that nico excludes himself, percy finds a private place to talk to nico and assures him that percy wants him around and offers solutions to his discomfort (this is not percy’s responsibility. percy is a child). when nico insists that he won’t stay, percy sees it from nico’s perspective and, instead of forcing nico to do something against his will that may totally backfire, says “i hope we don’t have to be enemies,” leaving room for nico to decide whether he’s willing to be friends.

bc percy understands the root of nico’s issue (that no matter the accommodations made at camp, there’s always going to be the implicit message that he doesn’t belong there), he addresses it and uses his wish to make sure that nico has a home at camp.

and when nico tries to prove he’s useful, percy proves he would’ve invited him in whether nico was or not. bc he thinks nico deserves to be a kid.

“i wonder if [nico] had ever had a birthday party,” percy thinks at his own birthday party where he didn’t invite his friends bc he felt it was too much of an inconvenience, in a story where he never had friends prior to these ppl he didn’t invite, and the only person he had for twelve years of his life was his own mother. and percy uses his own loneliness to empathize w how lonely nico is.

percy is not some distant figure nico is idolizing. he's a kid trying his best to care for another kid at a time where no one else did, while experiencing his own trauma. all of their hang-ups exist bc of that.

going back to their relationship in hoo, even trying to make percy uncomfortable w nico’s powers (and therefore not wanting to associate w nico) doesn’t work bc percy has gone on record and said he thinks some of nico’s powers are cool and has neutral responses to others, not to mention percy is also a big three kid who makes other ppl wary (i could write a whole meta on how what percy finds disturbing w nico’s powers is directly tied to what percy finds disturbing w his own powers, but i’ll restrain myself. please clap).

and if that wasn’t enough, the entire reason percy stood up to hera in botl is bc she was willing to let nico die specifically bc he doesn't fit in bc of those powers.

this plotline was tired before it even began.

you could argue that all of this changed w nico’s betrayal in tlo. but then why didn’t percy tell anybody when it happened in tlo (annabeth would’ve reacted to it if he had)? why did percy trust nico to come when he called? why didn’t any of percy’s animosity come out afterwards at camp? and in the throne room, percy didn’t have to single nico out w his wish. he didn’t have to watch nico to make sure he was settling in. but he did. and because he did, any writing that suggests percy doesn't trust or care abt nico bc of that is bad writing. maybe rick forgot this, but u can be angry w and hurt by the ppl you love and still love them.

even the justification that nico lied in son isn’t good enough to completely change their relationship, bc it’s pretty clear why nico lied and percy says he can’t stay angry at nico when they rescue him, and let me remind u, anger is a core part of percy's character. while nico lying might be enough for characters like leo and jason, who have no rapport w him, to doubt him, it’s not enough for percy. and why are we so obsessed w dismantling percy and nico’s friendship anyway? why is that necessary to the story? like i said before, ppl can have friends without coming out. isolating the only queer character (at the time) isn’t necessary.

this conflict doesn’t even work in hoo bc their distance is still one-sided…

when did percy not give nico a second chance in hoo? the only times they’ve interacted prior to this was when percy remembered nico in son and tried to talk to him and then when they saved his life. and then nico brushes off percy's gratitude and tells him to back off. this is not nico idolizing percy who doesn't care abt him. this is percy reaching out and yet again nico putting distance between them.

and, obviously, this doesn’t work at all w pjo when the entirety of botl exists, you know, where percy chose to trust and protect nico and then went out of his way to make sure nico knew percy held none of nico’s anger against him. it’d be one thing if nico was supposed to be wrong, but considering how there’s an entire arc in hoo abt jason being the first person to trust nico, and tsats seriously acts like percy only ever talked to nico when he needed something, it’s safe to say this comes from a place of stupidity.

ok. this sections getting long, so i moved the it was stupid to have percy give jason a reason to doubt nico section to a new post. but know that i'm aware and i think it's stupid.

back to the point of all these retcons w percy. there's nothing in hoo that necessitates changing percy and nico's relationship from pjo. while percy in hoo is never cruel to nico, they act like strangers for some reason. so, it's changed for no reason and it's written poorly.

sigh. and then all of chb is retconned (or recycled if you’re feeling generous).

the ppl at camp accept him while his cabin gets built. pretty nice. then in boo nico reveals they got tired of him after a week–which is still summer–despite there being an influx of kids from all descents, some of whom would be weird or uncomfortable or whatever this justification is. that’s not even mentioning how percy’s own experiences (remember how he was ostracized…multiple times…) should have made them more accepting of nico.

why…was this necessary at all…? especially when u have an entirely different camp that treats nico as weird bc they didn’t have that good experience w him? this is really what gets me. if rick wanted to be lazy and repeat nico’s arc, he could’ve done so without retconning things.

for example, with the seven, leo, piper, jason, and maybe annabeth (she doesn’t have much to say abt nico in pjo), i could understand having animosity towards nico, as well as camp jupiter, but retconning established relationships to make ur only (at the time) queer character isolated and miserable only to then have his coming out be violent and traumatic is. well. bad! especially when the person who is w him for that experience is not someone he has built any sort of camaraderie w. nico isn’t choosing to trust jason, he’s being forced to.

and the whole nico-needs-to-learn-to-trust-ppl plot doesn’t work anyway bc of rick’s inconsistencies.

jason has a moment much like frank where he doesn’t want to go anywhere w nico bc nico is so weird and scary. nico has every right to pull himself away from ppl who treat him like he’s got something contagious. and there’s more:

“since when does jason defend nico,” as in they have shit on nico before and jason has not, in the past, defended nico. as in nico had every reason to not trust jason prior to this bc everyone, including jason, were talking shit behind his back. why are we acting like nico is being unreasonable? oh no, y’all are talking behind my back…clearly it’s my fault bc i push everyone away and that has nothing to do w ur behavior or anything…yes this is good writing.

and we’re supposed to believe that jason (and reyna and hedge and will) is the first person to be kind/reach out to nico, but we have this scene from botl where percy comforted nico and gave him a piece of his childhood back:

and this is after percy cleared the air to make sure nico knew he didn’t hate him and offered to make accommodations for nico at camp and then respected and understood why nico wouldn’t want to. like,

woah, you’re telling me that a character reaches out to nico after a traumatic experience in an act of kindness and this helps nico grow as a person? and it happens multiple times?! yeah, apparently rick and fandom have completely forgotten abt this (also hazel exists???). they’re even phrased similarly! “maybe it’s time to take a risk and embrace something you’ve pushed away.” furthermore, they both support their point by helping nico, percy by inviting nico into his home to enjoy cake and ice cream, jason by drinking from the chalice. once more w feeling: nico has been loved the entire goddamn time!

i get what rick was trying to accomplish w the whole cupid scene concept. which is that it’s okay to be gay and that it can feel very “othering” to be gay. nico has to accept himself in order to make friends. that’s what this

and this

are trying to say, right, but this doesn’t work when you’ve blatantly retconned established relationships to have characters push nico away for his powers/parentage/whatever. nico’s struggle is not an internal issue that can be solved by accepting himself, it’s an external issue caused by how other ppl treat him for his powers/parentage (which he has never been shown to reject btw).

the thing is, the powers-as-queerness metaphor only works when you don’t have, you know, characters who aren’t queer going through similar ostracization. not only was percy ostracized at chb in tlt for his powers/parentage (very similar to nico!), percy has a moment in this same book where his powers terrify annabeth, and then piper in the next book, in which he, you know, lets himself almost die to poison bc he feels like he “deserved it” for using those powers. again, this is not queer-coding for percy (unless…?). moreover, like i said, nico doesn’t reject his powers, so the whole queer-coding w powers and needing to accept himself is already iffy (...rejecting powers...hold the fuck up…percy isn’t…unless…). even the out-of-time metaphor doesn’t work bc it’s something he shares w hazel, who is not canonically queer (unless…?!). so, already, we’re on shaky metaphorical ground. all of this could work, theoretically, if combined w strong writing, but combined w the retconning and inconsistencies, this plotline makes no cohesive sense.

we’re supposed to believe that nico is the one pushing everyone away while they are secretly super supportive while simultaneously being shown that everyone talks and thinks shit that affirms nico’s thoughts abt them that makes him want to pull away. and then in boo we completely ignore that these ppl have been pushing nico away and suddenly everyone (reyna, hedge, will, etc) is supportive.

pick a struggle!

also nico’s coming out scene in boo sucked (yeah this is the segue).

this is the culmination of nico’s arc in hoo. he’s finally accepted himself enough to speak the truth without pressure. we ruined percy and nico’s established relationship for this. and they don’t even have a conversation. then nico walks over to will bc percy, “regular guy” percy, is “not [his] type.” don’t look too deep into that.

so, how would i fix the cupid scene? well.

there were a million different ways to write a better arc for nico and earn that cupid scene. for example, rick could’ve stuck to a plotline.

the trust plotline could’ve been good. bc this exact thing is what causes the accidental kidnapping situation in tlo. nico doesn’t trust percy enough to tell him the truth and chooses to manipulate and lie to percy instead. this choice is what sets up their conflict bc percy views this as betrayal (something that’s important to a guy who’s fatal flaw is loyalty).

it’s also interesting bc nico does choose to trust ppl in hoo; he eats the pomegranate seeds despite not knowing that someone is coming for him, he just trusts that someone will (we’re ignoring what boo says abt nico’s tartarus experience bc fun fact! that is also retconned). and it pays off, bc not only does he get saved, we see hazel and percy even willing to challenge the other members of the seven to make sure he gets saved. so, it’s not a lesson he’s already learned, it’s a lesson he’s learning. but, going back to the main question here, would the cupid scene still be necessary? was being dragged into tartarus and almost dying not enough spectacle?

regardless, my biggest problem w the cupid scene in all of this is that it gives the impression that u have to come out in order to have ppl love u and trust u. a much better message to send is that the ppl who love u will love u before and after u come out. no isolation necessary.

[texas-writes]

Many Paths

Set a little while after graduation. Leon and Reader are both almost nineteen.

Warnings: unprotected sex, slight degradation, mention of pregnancy, Leon is fucking *built*

“You’re not really going to go, right Leon,” you ask, tucking your legs under you as you settle into the couch cushions.

He sighs and flops down next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you towards him. “I… I’m not sure. I feel like it’s the right thing to do, but I feel like leaving is wrong too.”

“Then stay. You can wait another year before going to basic. You just graduated, you’re young, you’re free. Just spend the summer with me Leon, please?”

“Then what am I gonna do for work until then, huh?”

“You scored great on all your tests, all you have left is boot camp. You could come be a host where I work, it’d be nice to see you every day.”

He sighs and kisses the top of your head. “Yeah, I guess I could do that. It would be nice, but think of where we could go if I joined up now. We could go to like, Europe or something.”

“We?”

“Well, yeah, of course. Course I’d take you with me.”

“Wouldn’t that be…expensive because I’m a civilian?”

He chuckles and pulls you into his lap, draping his arms around your shoulders. “Not if we got married.”

“I- You- Le- married,” you splutter, turning to look him in the eyes. You’d been together since you were sixteen, almost three years, but you were still surprised by his forwardness. It was simply in Leon’s nature to joke about serious things like that, usually because it made him uncomfortable to wear his heart on his sleeve like that.

“What? You don’t want to marry me? I thought that’s what you wanted,” he asks, throwing his hands up defensively, feigning hurt.

“Well, yeah, I want that, but I thought you’d wait a long time to ask.”

“And risk losing a girl like you? No way,” he chuckles, bringing his lips to yours. “My parents aren’t gonna be gone until Thursday. Do you want to go to my room and, y’know,” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“Only if you carry me,” you tease, wrapping your arms around his neck, making it easier for him to scoop his arms under you and carry you up the stairs.

“Anything for my Princess,” he jokes, untangling your arms from him and tossing you over his shoulder, making his way up the stairs to his room.

He tosses you on the bed and steps back, noticing how you watch him pull his shirt off and toss it into the hamper in his closet. His muscular back ripples as he moves, and his sweatpants rest low on his hips, allowing you to see the trail of blond hair that trailed down his belly and disappeared into the waistband, the sharp v cut of his muscles, God, he didn’t have on boxers either.

“You like what you see,” he taunts, stretching his arms above his head just to show off some.

“Mhm,” you whine, your hand trailing down your body and between your legs, gently touching yourself through your panties.

He leans forward, resting one hand on your thigh, using it to bear his weight while the other wraps around your wrist, pulling your hand away from your pussy.

“Come on now, you know that’s my job,” he chided, kneeling at the foot of the bed, throwing your legs over his shoulders and pulling you towards him. The sensation of him ghosting his fingers along the gusset of your panties before pulling them to the side is enough to make you shiver.

Leon’s breath fanning across your exposed flesh tickles as he pushes his face between your thighs, making you instinctively squeeze them together. His tongue is pleasantly hot as he presses it against your dripping sex, your taste making him salivate. He pulls away for a moment, spitting on your clit before grabbing your thighs and shoving his face into your pussy, kitten licking at your clit before dragging his tongue through your folds and burying it inside of you.

You use one hand to pull your skirt above your waist so you can watch him devour you, and the other slides into his sandy blond hair, cradling the back of his head while he mercilessly fucks you with his tongue, his nose bumping against your clit from time to time, making you squirm and tug at his hair.

He releases one of your thighs and replaces his tongue with two of his fingers, curling them inside of you as he pulls away, moving his other hand from your thigh and splaying it out across your belly, keeping your hips in place against the bed.

“I want you to cum on my face, I know you can do it,” he teases, curling his fingers into you, brushing against you with his thumb and smiling to himself when you whine and buck against his hand. “Can’t even speak, how pathetic, I haven’t even fucked you yet.” He returns his mouth to abusing your pussy, sucking harshly at your puffy clit, savoring every sound that comes out of you, holding himself back from just pouncing on you like an animal.

Your thighs quivering around his head only urges him to eat you with more frevor than before. His tongue laps at you softly while your cunt squeezes his fingers as they slow their pace inside you, easing you through your orgasam. He pulls away and admires the way your thighs glisten and your weeping pussy flutters around nothing as he pushes his sweatpants down his hips and stands before you, completely naked.

Leon is an absolute sight as you rake your eyes up his body to meet his. A mixture of his saliva and your juices drip down his chin and he wipes it away with the back of his hand, giving you a small smirk. You grab at the bottom of your shirt and begin weakly trying to pull it off of you, eager to get to the main attraction of the evening. He comes around the side of the bed and wraps an arm around you under your arms, pulling you up the bed so your head rests on one of his pillows. His scent fills your nostrils, making you sigh and relax. He makes quick work of pulling your shirt off you and is pleased to find that you didn’t bother wearing a bra when you decided to come over.

“No bra,” he teases, hooking his finger in the waistband of your panties and pulling them down your legs, tossing them somewhere behind him. “Whore.”

You whine at his degrading choice of words and spread your legs, reaching between them and spreading yourself open for him to see. He just laughs condescendingly and climbs onto the bed over top of you, wasting no time in lining himself up with your entrance and pushing his engorged head into you. You try to roll your hips against his, trying to get him to push deeper into you, but he just holds your hips down and stares at where the two of you are joined, relishing in the fact that he’s the one that gets to use you like this, that it’s his name that falls from your lips when you touch yourself, that you belong to him.

The very thought is enough to make him consider finishing inside you, but then again, you were already enrolled to start your college courses in the fall. It would be cruel of him to take that from you, but by God did he want to fuck a baby into you. You just looked so damn good, and took all of him so well. He never said it but he knew that if you ever left him he would be a lost man, indeed.

Finally after what felt to you like ages he bottoms out inside you, not even bothering to let you adjust to being full before he’s pounding into you relentlessly. You just felt so fucking good around him, and the way you moaned? It was heaven to him. He grabs your ankles, pulling them to rest on his shoulders, making him groan when he hits a deeper place inside you, turning his head to kiss your ankle.

You’re a whimpering mess under him as you reach your second orgasam, squeezing him so well that he’s not sure if he even has the willpower to pull out, but he does, finishing all over your tummy as you lay there trying to catch your breath.

He chuckles and unzips your skirt, pulling it off of you and using it to clean up his mess before tossing it aside and falling into bed beside you. “That was nice,” he murmurs, pulling you into his chest and pressing a kiss to the back of your neck.

“Mhm,” you agree softly, lacing your fingers with his.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, Leon.”

“I’ll stay here until you go to school if it’ll make you happy.”

“You mean that,” you question, releasing his hand and rolling over to face him.

“Of course baby, the military can wait another few months to get ahold of me,” he whispers, pressing his lips to yours softly. “You need anything?”

“Nap.”

“Looks like we can agree on that too,” he chuckles, resting his forehead against yours and letting his eyes fall shut. Before you can even think of a response he’s snoring softly beside you.

[overgrowth-wc]

Our four intrepid heroes have done their part, but there's still a few loose ends. Now, it's time for some familiar faces to pick up where they left off. 

THUNDERCLAN: round two, start

              Turtlepaw could not ever remember a time she had been this tired. Her paws hurt. Her eyes hurt. Hell, her whiskers hurt. Slumped besides her brothers, Rainpaw snoring softly, Owlpaw sprawled next to her, the morning sun warming her fur, she felt like she’d never move again.

              “Turtle,” Owlpaw whined, flopping onto his back, “do you think we’ll get a retirement ceremony instead of a warrior’s ceremony? I feel old Adderstripe has more moxie than me.” At least I’m not suffering alone.

              “Maybe we can have our retirement ceremony the same time as dad’s,” she mused, then flinched. Great, Turtlepaw, way to be insensitive. Owlpaw was impossible to offend, though, so he just hummed thoughtfully.

              “That’d be neat. Maybe Mintfrost will change our names to something cool too. Isn’t Dad thinking about changing his?” Badgerstripe’s injuries were bad enough to warrant a name change, and for someone like their dad, that was a mark of honor.

              “Yeah, you know how he is. He thinks that kind of stuff is really cool.” It’d have to be something like Tornpelt or Raggedfur, which Turtlepaw didn’t find appealing at all, but it wasn’t her name, so she didn’t have much say in it. Aspenwing wasn’t thrilled either, but she usually seemed unimpressed by her mate’s antics, so that wasn’t surprising to anyone. I wonder how Mintfrost is doing. Or is she Mintstar now? Probably, they’ve been gone for a while… Turtlepaw’s mind wandered as she slowly started to drift off, only to be disturbed by a rustling at the entrance. Snowdrift emerged into the clearing, looking asleep on his paws, and behind him came her mentor, stoic as usual. That was no indication of how she might really feel, though, so Turtlepaw shot to her feet, bounding over to her new leader with renewed energy.

              “Are you alright?” She blurted, trying to assess if she’d pushed herself too hard. “How’s your hip? Do you need me to get some snow? Fernfire showed me how, you know, it’s pretty clever.” Mintfrost- Mintstar?- waited patiently until Turtlepaw finished, giving her an affectionate blink.

              “I’m fine for the moment, but maybe later we could get some snow together. I need to make an announcement, now, but we’ll talk more after. Do you know if everyone is back in camp? Has there been any runners yet?”               “No runners, everyone’s probably still bone tired,” Turtlepaw said quickly, walking beside her mentor as she started making her way to the Meeting Stump. “And everyone should be back by now, but I think most cats are asleep- do you want me to wake them up?” The little calico was still holding out hope for a growth spurt, irritated by the fact that she had to take two steps for everyone one her mentor took, especially the way her paws were aching right now. They arrived at the Stump, Turtlepaw looking around the camp, trying to plan who she would go wake up first.

              “Don’t worry about it. I’ll call whoever is awake, but I’m just letting everyone know I’ve returned and that I’ve successfully received my lives and name. I won’t be announcing my chosen deputy until later. And, well, telling the story of the past few moons.” Turtlepaw blinked.

              “Who’d you pick?” Mintstar hummed, shooting her a mischievous grin.

              “Oh? Do you get to know before everyone else?”

              “Well, not everyone else,” the apprentice muttered, gaze on her feet before focusing on Mintstar’s nose. “Just, you know, I figured being the leader’s apprentice entitled me to some… insider knowledge.”

              “Ah, I suppose it does. Well, you can keep a secret- I will be asking Whitefoot upon her return to camp later today to accept the position.” Turtlepaw nodded happily. Whitefoot is kind, and smart, and her and Mintstar are really good friends. That will work well.

              “Good idea! I really like Whitefoot.” Mintstar laughed, Snowdrift giving the apprentice a tired grin.

              “I’m glad you approve. Now, let’s get this over with- I want to talk to you about hunting more here in a little bit. You’re a huge help to us right now, Turtlepaw. Thunderclan is lucky to have you.” The calico couldn’t help the way she puffed up in pride at the compliment. Yeah, she was bone tired, but she wanted to help, and if Mintstar needed her to hunt to feed her friends and family, then, well, she’d hunt until her paws fell off. Hopefully not literally.

              True to her word, Mintstar only gave a brief announcement. The clan was relieved to hear of her acceptance by the ancestors and reception of her nine lives, and took the news that the deputy was yet to be announced with minimal grumbling and disappointment. And everyone was still much too tired to discuss… current events. Turtlepaw couldn’t help but notice that Snowdrift looked distracted and a little upset, however. When Mintstar slid down from the Stump, the apprentice hurried back over to them.

              “You okay, Snowdrift?” She pressed, eyes flicking from his nose to his ears to his feet and back to his nose, feeling uncomfortable and antsy for some reason. Something feels wrong. The medicine cat sighed, giving Mintstar an unreadable look. At the leader’s nod, he returned his tired gaze to Turtlepaw.

              “I received word from the ancestor’s at the Moonstone… Poppypaw has yet to be seen in Starclan. The other cat’s spirits have found their way home, but she- she hasn’t.” Turtlepaw felt distinctly ill. Oh no, oh no no no. So Stonestar was right? Poppypaw hadn’t been put to rest because Featherfall hadn’t been put on trial, and now, they couldn’t find Featherfall anywhere-

              “We need to find her,” Turtlepaw stressed, “I mean, we need to find Featherfall, we can’t- that’s not-” Mintstar pressed her nose to the tip of the apprentice’s ear, halting her desperate ramble. Poppypaw was my age when she died. I don’t know what I’d do if I were a ghost, especially a ghost forever.

              “We’re going to work on a plan for finding Featherfall as soon as possible, but it will be a massive undertaking. Would you like to help us?” Turtlepaw nodded jerkily.

              “It’s not right. I- I didn’t know Poppypaw, you know, but I don’t want that for any cat.” That being eternal wandering. “I’ll do whatever I can to help.” Both Mintstar and Snowdrift let out rumbling purrs.

              “I’ll hold you to it.” Mintstar mewed. Just then, there was another rustle at the camp entrance, and a Windclanner slipped into the clearing, holding a bundle of herbs in her mouth. As Mintstar and Snowdrift went to greet her, Turtlepaw stared after them, mind spinning. I promise you Poppypaw-

                We’ll get you home.

WINDCLAN: those left behind

              Gorsestorm was- well, not in a great mood, but much better off than he had been the past two weeks or so. Things were slowly returning back to normal after the battle, most of the warriors healed and even Daisypetal back home, on the mend. She’d gotten an eye clawed terribly in the battle- thankfully, she hadn’t lost it, but Teaselpaw doubted she’d ever get her vision back.  She was in good cheer despite it. Hell, everyone was. The clan morale was higher than it had been in moons, happy to know that justice had finally been secured and their ghosts put to rest.

              They were mostly correct.

              It seems that Poppypaw, little Poppypaw, his friend, the cat he thought he would one day guide his clan alongside, was still lost to the ancestors. Teaselpaw had returned from the halfmoon last night with the devastating news- Shalestar elected to keep it quiet until they could meet with the others and determine a course of action. It seemed like it would take finding Featherfall to rectify the situation, which was seriously bothering him, because how the hell were they supposed to find her? Yeah, he’d volunteered to help search the Town, back when they first were talking about bringing the murderers to justice, but he hadn’t actually believed they would need to. He’d banked on Featherfall’s arrogance and need to see things through driving the queen to being there at the final confrontation, but maybe he had underestimated her cunning. A good leader always has a backup plan for a backup plan, his father had told him once, and while Featherfall might not be a good cat, he couldn’t deny that she knew how to lead. It seems she had kept many things from him when he thought he was in her confidences. Of course she wouldn’t have trusted me, Gorsestorm thought bitterly, she wouldn’t have gotten so far with her plans if she took such foolish risks. Featherfall must have had multiple groups of rogues at her beck and call to get away with what she did.

              There was one thing Gorsestorm was certain of though. Featherfall wasn’t done with the clans yet. It had almost scared him, the single-minded focus the queen had on eradicating the medicine cats. He feared for the clans as a whole, now- if she’d had such a strong drive for revenge against a whole class of cats for losing her leg, how terrible would be her retribution be against those who killed her mate? Whatever it was, they needed to be careful. It seems we might not have our peace just yet.

              How bothersome.

              Gorsestorm sighed. He was sitting in front of Falconstar and Poppypaw’s graves. The mint that had been growing at his father’s grave was gone now, shriveled away, but a few tendrils still clung stubbornly to Poppypaw’s. A part of him wanted to claw it away, thought maybe that would set her spirit free, but, well, he’d tried that a few days ago. And now, the plant was back, it’s sharp scent and bright green leaves almost mocking. He let out another heavy sigh, this one more frustrated. There was a slight crunch in the snow behind him, and he felt a warm presence.

              “I’m alright, Teaselpaw. You should spend your time worrying about more important things than babysitting me.” Silence. “I mean it, shouldn’t you-” Gorsestorm turned to look at his former apprentice, halting mid word when he saw nobody there. His brow furrowed. Odd. Maybe I just imagined it. He let out a mighty yawn. I am exhausted. Stretching, he turned to amble his way back home. It was about evening, the sky a wonderful array of colors. He managed to snatch a rabbit on the way back, proud of the unexpected catch. It would be good for Littlestream and her kits to get more than the bare minimum to eat- plus, it would give him a chance to see Nightkit. He hoped that Shalestar would apprentice the little tom to him when he was old enough. Quiet as he was, Gorsestorm could already see the beginnings of a sharp mind in the kit, and was confident he could help build that up. Mom always did say one of the only things I had going for me was my brain. He snorted. He could picture her now- whiskers twitching, eyes fond. Well, you certainly can’t count on your personality, my little burr.

              Upon reentering camp, he was greeted by Teaselpaw and Dipperwing, the two working their way around the edges of camp, the medicine cat a few steps away from the warrior to allow him the chance to navigate on his own. Dipperwing’s confidence had taken a blow after the battle. Gorsestorm couldn’t blame him- it’d been frightening enough, that terrible night, being able to see and defend himself. Not sure if I could’ve handled the situation like he did, given the opportunity. Teaselpaw had an endless well of patience and was happy to help the tom recover some security, thank the stars, and they now spent a considerable amount of time each day reacclimating Dipperwing to moving around on his own. Gorsestorm padded over to greet them, mildly surprised when Dipperwing nearly cracked his neck whipping around to face him, muscles taut.

              “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” he mewed around the rabbit in his mouth. The other tom stood still for a moment, brow furrowed in confusion, before giving a small shake of his head.

              “No, don’t worry, you didn’t, I just- thought I smelled something strange, is all.” It was a little hard to tell what Dipperwing was thinking, these days. His eyes had always reflected his emotions like a puddle reflected the sky. Now, it looked like he had his eyes always closed, only the slightly sunken eyelids and thin scars across his face hinting at anything amiss. Gorsestorm paused for a minute, confused, but decided he didn’t have the energy to deal with it right now.

              “Alright then, I’m off to the nursery to drop this off. Have fun, you two.” Dipperwing nodded, flicking an ear at Teaselpaw.

              “I… actually think I’m going to go lay down for a minute, Teasel. I’m not feeling great all of a sudden.” The medicine cat looked concerned but let him go, coming over to stand with her former mentor.

              “Guess I’ll accompany you to the nursery, then. Not much else to do.” Gorsestorm rolled his eyes, about to make a comment about second choices and priorities, when he noticed Teaselpaw’s expression. The molly was suddenly frozen, eyes fixed on something to the left of him. He glanced over to see what could have garnered such a reaction, but there was nothing there. He pinned her with an unimpressed look.

              “What? What are you looking at?” Teaselpaw’s wide eyes snapped to him, then back to the spot.

              “You mean you can’t see her?”

              “See who?”

              “Poppypaw. She’s right there.”

RIVERCLAN: wander back home

              “Then by the powers given to me, I give you your warrior name. Littlepaw, from this moment on, you will be known as Littlesong. Starclan honors your kind heart and intelligence, and we welcome you as a full warrior of Riverclan.” His clanmates cheered his name, Goldenthorn sitting tall besides him, and Littlesong couldn’t help the way he swelled with pride as his new name echoed around the camp.

              “Littlesong! Littlesong! Littlesong! Hey, come on now, wake up!”

              The golden tabby started awake, blinking blearily up at an unimpressed Goldenthorn.

              “Up you get, lazy bones,” she mewed, tone absent of her usual bite. “Don’t you have one last practice before tonight?” Ah crap, Littlesong thought as he scrambled to his feet. Is it already that late? Golden light was peeking through the woven reeds of the warrior’s den, signaling that it was in fact closer to evening than afternoon. So much for a quick nap. He thanked his sister hastily before hurrying out of the den, loping out of camp and towards the practice clearing without even bothering to fix his pelt.

              Technically, the night of the battle had been the Long Night Gathering. It was typically a celebratory Gathering, marking the middle of the winter season and the turning point towards spring. Apprentices usually competed in various activities for the entertainment of the clans, from spars to memory games to silly things like who had the longest tail, or the pinkest nose. It was a fun night, as many warriors as possible usually in attendance, but the biggest event was the performance Riverclan would put on at moonhigh. The specific story changed each year, but typically revolved around the different myths and legends each clan told. This year, they would be telling an old Riverclan legend about a queen whose kittens were turned into river stones by a water spirit, and the different trials she had to overcome to change them back. Littlesong had a minor role, playing a wood sprite who guided the queen to some herbs she needed through a series of riddles. It was all good fun though, and he had worked hard to memorize the tricky tongue twisters the sprite used to try and befuddle the queen. Larkwing would be playing the main role, Ripplepaw the water spirit, with Berrybush, Hollyclaw, and Stormfang playing the other challenge givers. The elders would be playing the three kittens, a comical work around to the fact Riverclan had no young apprentices now to play the roles. The troupe was meeting one last time to practice before tonight, and Littlesong was officially running late.

              His sheepish apologies were dismissed in good humor, most warriors too excited about the newfound peace and the celebrations tonight to let something so small annoy them. They passed the evening together pleasantly, Littlesong successfully performing his lines without a hitch, and trooped back to camp for a bite to eat before they needed to head out, laughing with each other as they went. The golden warrior sobered as they made it to the camp entrance, bidding goodbye to the others so he could go find Piketail, a weight in his gut that he tried to ignore. Tonight will most likely be the last time we eat together- at least, the last time for a long time.

              Piketail was joining Shadowclan tonight.

              It had been decided a couple weeks ago, after things had really settled following the battle. Piketail had gone to Oakstar, explaining his heritage and desire to join his father’s clan, as well as relaying that Rosestar had agreed to allow the transfer, provided Oakstar had no problem with it. The old tom had thought it over for a nerve-wracking day, Piketail spending most of it a ball of nerves. Littlesong had finally insisted on taking his old mentor out hunting, declaring that all that anxious energy should be put to good use. Together they had managed a decent haul, and upon their return to camp that evening Oakstar had given Piketail his reluctant permission. It pains me that we couldn’t make a good home for you here, but I understand your desire. I hope you are blessed with much happiness with your family. Littlesong was… mostly okay with it. He was happy for Piketail, he really was, but he also couldn’t deny that he would be devastated to see his mentor go. I just have to trust in his promise. And besides, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again. Anyway, Piketail was still here now, and he would enjoy what time they had left together.

              His old mentor was sitting outside the medicine den with Squirrelnose, seeming to have just finished talking to the ginger tom when Littlesong padded up. He was glad to see that the two of them were at least civil now. It had been awkward when his and his sister’s mentors couldn’t even be around each other for more than ten minutes at a time.

              “Hey Piketail, want to grab something to eat? Ripplepaw said she caught a carp earlier.” Piketail nodded, bidding a polite goodbye to the ginger tom before padding off with Littlesong. They found the carp in question, settling down together near the medicine den. They could hear Ripplepaw’s excited chatter and Splashpaw’s quips and comments, the siblings’ conversation a pleasant backdrop to the meal. The two warriors ate in a comfortable silence, Piketail letting out a sigh as they finished. “How are you feeling about tonight?" Littlesong asked.

              “Nervous, and very happy, and very sad.” Piketail replied quietly, looking down at his paws. “I’m excited to, well, start over, and grateful to get to know my family, but… I’ll miss this place. I may not have the fondest memories for most of it, but Riverclan has been my home for most of my life. Nothing will ever change that.” Littlesong nodded, ears drooping.

              “Well, you can always come back,” he mewed, and it was only slightly a joke. Piketail smiled, eye creasing in genuine mirth.

              “Thank the stars for that. We’ll see if I can survive with the bog rats, hm? I have to tell you now though, if I ever start saying that I enjoy eating frogs, you need to drag me back here.” Littlesong laughed a bit, trying to force away the sadness that was already welling up. Piketail noticed, because of course he did, and leaned over to give Littlesong a supportive nudge.

              “Remember what I told you. And besides, I have a feeling that you’ll still be seeing more of me than you would probably like.”

              Stars, I hope so.

SHADOWCLAN: the spark

              “Come on dad, please?” Emberkit begged, pinning her ears back and opening her eyes super wide in a pleading look. Usually it worked, Rosestar letting out a huff before reluctantly acquiescing, but now he just refused to look at her. Cheater.

              “No. You’re only five moons old-“

              “Five and a half, and, and, that’s just a guess, we could be six moons old-“ Sparkkit piped up, but their father kept going.

              “And there are rules. In the Code. That specifically bar this sort of thing from happening, and I’m not risking my eternal reward just because you three want me to bend things to your advantage. Sorry, froglets, but there’s always next year.” Emberkit and her brothers were desperately trying to convince their father to make them apprentices so they could attend the Long Night Gathering. It was evening now, the stars just starting to twinkle, and they were growing desperate. Days they had been pestering him with no success, and now, in the final hour, it seemed they would fail. “Besides, your mother would claw my ears off.”

              “But you’re the leader!” Sunkit said, a similar pathetic look on his face. “Isn’t the leader’s word law? That’s what the Code says!” Rosestar shot him an unimpressed look.

              “My word is law for Shadowclan, yes, but your mother’s word is law for me. And if my word is law, why do you keep pestering me about it? Again, I’m sorry kittens, but it’s not allowed. There’s always the Midsummer Gathering- you’ll all be apprentices then.” Crushing disappointment. Emberkit didn’t stomp her foot, because that would just prove his point about them being too young, but she couldn’t help the frustrated tears that welled up. Who cared about the Midsummer Gathering? That was moons away! The Long Gathering was tonight!

              “You’re asking the wrong questions, kits.” Came a voice, and hope welled up in Emberkit’s chest. The little tortoiseshell turned her pleading gaze to Auntie Briar, who always knew what to do. Crowcall, or was it Uncle Crowcall now? Was standing beside her, the two wearing matching grins. Rosestar eyed them warily.

              “They are, are they?” He asked, and there was a warning in his tone that Briarmask gleefully ignored.

              “What you should be asking is if you can just go to the Gathering as you are. The only rule about kittens outside of camp is that they have to be accompanied, correct? And if you had cats willing to chaperone you…” She trailed off, and now all three kits whipped around, hopeful eyes pinning Rosestar in place.

              “I should put you on tick duty,” he grumbled, but he seemed to be crumbling under the weight of their expectant gazes. A heavy, familiar, conceding sigh. “Ask your mother. If she’s ok with it, and if Briarmask and Crowcall promise to be your chaperones for the whole night, then you can go.” Emberkit leapt to her feet with a triumphant yowl, taking off towards the nursery where Pinenose was. Sparkkit and Sunkit stayed behind, Sunkit dancing around their aunt’s paws and Sparkkit tugging on Rosestar’s ears, but Emberkit was on a mission.

              A few minutes and minimal pleading later, Pinenose had agreed to the conditions Rosestar set forth, and the three kittens deigned to let her groom them until their coats were neat and gleaming. The siblings sat sandwiched between Briarmask and Crowcall, waiting for their father to say it was time to leave. Their nursery friends were only a little disappointed they weren’t allowed to go, but honestly, the six of them were still afraid of going outside the camp, so this was better anyway. And Brooksong’s babies had only just opened their eyes, so they didn’t count. After an eternity Rosestar appeared, stopping before his children to fix them with a firm look.

              “You do exactly what your Auntie tells you or your apprentice ceremonies will be delayed. Deal?” They nodded excitedly, used to his empty threats, and he let out a huff before calling for the departure. Now, Emberkit couldn’t lie- she was exhausted by the time they made it to the hollow. But actually seeing the Four Oaks and all the other cats washed that all away in an instant, and she barely could restrain herself from leaping forward and diving into the crowd of cats.

              “Alright kittens,” Briarmask announced, “this is what we’re going to do. There’re a couple different events that will start soon, but before then, there’s some cats I need to talk to. You can either come with me or wait here with Crowcall. What do you say?” Emberkit elected to go with Briar, but her brothers decided to stay with Crowcall, wanting to make sure they got good spots to see the spars. Emberkit was much more interested in meeting other warriors, especially the ones her aunt was friends with. They had saved the territories after all. Much cooler than watching some apprentices tumble around. The group her aunt led her to was made up of an assortment of warriors, all of whom seemed noble and majestic and awesome- she must have look star struck, as Briarmask took one look at her and snorted.

              “You think they’re impressive now, but wait until they open their mouths.” She murmured. They arrived at the group then, a fluffy white tom and a scarred gray warrior shuffling apart so Emberkit and Briarmask could sit with them. “Alright, you lot, this is my niece, Emberkit. Rosestar made an exception that she and her littermates could come tonight since they’re so close to their apprentice ceremonies and, well, he’s an indulgent father.” They went around introducing themselves- Snowdrift, Turtlepaw, Piketail, Teaselpaw, Gorsestorm… the tortoiseshell next to the Windclanner’s didn’t introduce herself, which Emberkit thought was weird and maybe even a little rude, but nobody else said anything so she stayed quiet too. I don’t want them to think I’m a nosy kit! And the tortoiseshell winked then, giving her a smile, so maybe she wasn’t too bad. Maybe she’s like Spiderpaw. “Emberkit, Piketail is actually the one joining our clan tonight. He’s Marshfoot and Frogthroat’s brother, remember?”

              “Wow! So you’re the babies’ uncle?” Emberkit chirped, looking up at him more closely. “Well, I guess you look like Graykit at least.” The tom froze, Briarmask rolling her eyes with an exasperated sigh.

              “… Graykit?” Piketail mewed hesitantly, single eye darting to her aunt.

              “Frogthroat was going to ask your permission, but they’re a moon old now and need to be called something. Sorry for the abrupt reveal.”

              “Oh, sorry, are their names a surprise?” Emberkit whispered, ears drooping, but Piketail looked back at her kindly.

              “Ah, no worries guppy. I’m happy to know. What are the other two named?” Emberkit was all too happy to tell him about Newtkit and Fernkit as well, and how she and Beekit were happy to have other mollies in the den, because oh boy their brothers could be so annoying…

              The leader’s called for attention a short time later, Emberkit happy enough talking to Piketail as the other’s chatted around her, and the Gathering commenced. Emberkit cheered loudly for Spiderpaw when he won his spar, booed when a Thunderclan apprentice won longest tail against Loudpaw, and laughed at a joke contest between warriors from each clan. Crowcall won, a proud Sunkit and Sparkkit trailing after him, Briarmask rolling her eyes. He’ll be insufferable now! As the night wore on, Emberkit found herself yawning, slumped beside her aunt as she spoke quietly to her friends. She almost fell asleep when she felt someone sit down beside her, and looked up to see the tortoiseshell from earlier.

              “Oh, hello,” she yawned again. “I didn’t get your name earlier. My name is Emberkit.” The molly smiled down at her.

              “My name is Poppypaw,” she said kindly, and Emberkit gave her a friendly nod. Have I heard that name before? “I need to ask you something, Emberkit.”

              “Uh, sure. Can I help you with something?”

              “Yes, or rather, you will. When spring comes, and the first flowers bloom, look for me in the pines. Can you do that?” Emberkit narrowed her eyes.

              “How are you gonna be in the pines if you’re not from Shadowclan? We’re not supposed to be on other cat’s territory.” Poppypaw laughed.

              “Right you are, but I’m a medicine cat, and we can travel when we need to. So, do you promise?” Well, Emberkit didn’t know if the molly was telling the truth or not, since she didn’t remember Fernfire or anyone mention her, but it seemed harmless enough. She could always ask her parents or her aunt about it later.

              “Alright, I promise.” Another yawn, and she was so sleepy now…

              “Thank you, little ember. I have one piece of advice for you before I go. Can you stay awake to hear it? It’s important.” Medicine cats deserve your respect, so do what they ask you, ok? Her mother’s voice rang in her head, so Emberkit forced herself to sit up, blinking sleepily up at her fellow tortoiseshell. “There will be times ahead, very difficult times, and you might feel defeated and want to give up. When that happens, remember this- some things need fire to grow. You will endure any flames that seek to consume you, and come out stronger for it. Never forget that.” What? Now Emberkit was confused and a little alarmed, but she blinked and all of a sudden Poppypaw was just… gone. Am I dreaming? She tried to look around for the medicine cat but then Briarmask was nudging at her, telling her it was time to go home, so she obediently trailed after her, mind spinning. Difficult times? Consuming flames? Did Poppypaw mean that literally?

              How can any cat survive burning up?

First / Prev

[campbluelake]

though when the day is nearly through, i might see the same way too | saya | 1.5

Man. Where to even begin?

(Saya wants to pat Mason's head soooo badly. He's right there crouching next to her. But it'd be inappropriate. Life isn't fair.)

So she fixes her gaze, first, on Tommy.

"My plan was dumb? I'm not the one trying to chase monsters in the fog, Tommy. But let me break it down for you- what else was I going to do? If there was a way out of this mess that didn't involve murder, wouldn't it have been found already? Exactly. As far as I'm concerned, my plan was rock-fucking-solid. But suuuure, I'll be happy to step down as camp nurse. I'm not even a fucking nurse." 

Guess she's just nasty.

So Not-Nurse Grey turns her attention elsewhere and pouts at Abbie.

"Also? Rude! It'd be a net benefit to kill you because then I can do whatever I want in my cabin! I respect the sacred bond of Garfield dedication, Abbie. Hmph." 

She considers saying something to Warrick, but doesn't. She does feel a little bad though. Despite everything, Saya does like him- enough to have put him in the DO NOT KILL section at least. But he's probably mad at her, which she guesses is valid, and ugh, is this the end of the Garfield sessions? Lame. Lame!

Next is Kaede, and- 

What is there to say to Kaede? She's feeling a mix of emotions, but the easiest one to express is...

"Don't give me that bullshit. Didn't you hear what Mason said? I didn't have a gun to your head forcing you to kill. You're a grown-ass man who makes your own grown-ass decisions. What the hell else was I meant to do? Medicate your way out of this? Newsflash, asshole, that's impossible. Getting you into a state where you're perpetually unafraid of the spooky shadow monster would either kill you with an overdose or deplete all our medicine stocks- which, quite frankly, I don't think Ranger Buddy is nice enough to put infinite refills on."

"I gave you a list of targets, I showed you how to kill someone nicely, I sent you on your way. If you hadn't killed anyone, you know what I would have done? Nothing, because I don't like getting my hands bloody outside of work. Cry and scream all you want. You beat my friend to death and then had the audacity to pretend like you're a little baby victim in this? Fuck you." 

Sigh. Anyway! Last is Eri...

And...

To Eri's credit, Saya actually looks a little freaked out. She doesn't have a response to this one! Yikes! Good thing she's still wearing running shoes so she can try to get the fuck out of here the moment Buddy lets them all go! 

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What would happen if you were sent back and ended up in the orphanage with Tom Riddle—and say you also had magic?

Oh boy.

Well, there's a lot to question here. Judging by the... spirit of this ask, I presume I'm... pretty much reincarnated. I'm in the orphanage, I'm much younger than I am now and a child, I'm pre-Hogwarts age, and I retain my current knowledge.

For the purpose of this ask I suppose I also retain my current mental faculties. Despite being in the body of an eight-year-old, I'm not The Carnivorous Muffin at eight.

Welp, there's a lot to consider here.

First, I probably don't realize I'm in Harry Potter for quite some time and instead assume I've been reincarnated to some parallel universe. It's the 1930's, I'm in England in the depression, WWI has occurred and the vast majority of major historical events I know about seem to have happened in the right order, and this Earth is eerily similar to the Earth I left behind.

Strange that I appear to remember everything of my past life with my adult mental abilities, but alright universe, I guess that's how we're going to play this.

What I do know is that I'm dirt poor, presumably still a woman which does not bode well for my career prospects, and if I want any prospects in life period I'm going to have to fight tooth and nail for it. It'd be great if I got adopted to help with this, and might be nice to have people in my life who love me, but there's a lot of orphans in the world and a lot of orphans who are much less weird than I am.

The orphanage is the orphanage and not great, Mrs. Cole is overworked, the orphanage is chronically understaffed, and the kids are running wild beating the shit out of each other.

Being a girl, I probably don't have to worry about getting the shit kicked out of me quite as much, but I still probably try to keep my head down and don't aggravate the particularly beefy looking orphans.

Yes, there's some very angry gremlin named Tom Riddle around who will shove you down the stairs in retribution, but that's just a weird coincidence. And then supernatural shit starts happening. Billy's rabbit hangs itself, people get injuries when Tom is nowhere near them, and I start wondering if this is really the Tom Riddle.

I'm in Wool's Orphanage, my matron is Mrs. Cole, Tom Riddle is running around lighting things on fire. It's possible, though it could all be a strange coincidence.

Now, how things go from here depends on how controlled my own magic is. Since accidental magic typically does manifest at least once or twice, it probably does manifest for me for.. something. If Tom Riddle's there to witness it then...

Well, I imagine he's very offended. Here he was, special, different, better than everyone else, and then some girl in the orphanage (who dares to get very good grades on her assignments in school) has it too.

And I just stand there, smiling, going "Tee hee".

He probably confronts me to prove that he's better at it than I am, and he probably is unless the universe hates both him and me, but having someone else with the Shining around probably prompts him to take me as his protégé (in part so he can show off and in part because he's genuinely excited to be able to share this super cool talent).

I am now apprentice to eight-year-old Tom Riddle. Whoop de doo.

Well, I don't remember this part of Harry Potter, so now I'm probably confused as to where I am again. Regardless, I try to advise Tom on how to tone it down and not, say, traumatize Amy and Dennis for life and antagonize all the other orphans forever. He probably doesn't take me seriously. What do I know, I can't even light that patch of grass on fire?

Hanging around Tom Riddle gets me a reputation to, given the difference in genders, probably a fairly nasty one at that. When Dumbledore arrives he's undoubtedly told hot gossip about how eleven-year-old Tom and I have had sex in a ritual to summon Satan. Dumbledore takes this seriously.

Dumbledore probably meets us both at the same time and it's a disaster. I tried my best to prep Tom without revealing I'm a prophet, Tom first doesn't believe there might not be others, then doesn't believe they would be antagonist/anything but amazed by how awesome he is.

Well, Dumbledore lights his wardrobe on fire while I sit there. Dying inside. Dumbledore probably also does something to me too, to teach me some kind of lesson about something.

I imagine he temporarily disfigures me/makes me appear very ugly, then sticks a mirror to the wall, that way I realize that looks aren’t everything/being a whore is wrong. Tom, still traumatized over the wardrobe, is no help and my magic’s probably not controlled enough to do a thing about it.

I spend a day looking like a pig, Tom and I are given just enough money to buy new wands and second hand/barely functioning everything else and given the world’s worst directions to Diagon Alley. Thanks, Albus.

Well, months pass, we get our wands, Tom gets excited for Hogwarts and I... start seriously considering the future. WWII is coming, the Blitz is coming, Tom and I live in east London and must be able to evacuate during the bombing of London (which went on well past the Blitz to the end of the war). I also start considering my future in the wizarding world. Do I now actually have career prospects?

Probably not because I’m muggle born and a woman. My best bet is doing very well in useful subjects and finding employment with the goblins, I can’t imagine they have the same hang ups as the wizarding world.

Tom wants to go to Slytherin, of course, I tell him this is a bad idea. “Gee Tom,” I say, “Not sure how I know this but I have this feeling that Slytherin is filled with people who loathe our very existence and will shank us. Why don’t we pick Ravenclaw or Gryffindor instead?”

No one shanks Tom Riddle! Tom says. Tom is still eleven and while he admits that sometimes I may, in retrospect, have been right about certain things that doesn’t mean he wants to go to the house known for hard work. That’s code word for everyone there being a moron and having no other redeeming features than tenacity. As for the other two, Ravenclaws sound like smug, elitist, nerds and Gryffindors like dumb jocks.

Better to be known for ambition, cunning, and actually being competent.

Well, there’s no talking him out of this one, and goddamn it we’re all each other has.

I’m the closest thing Tom Riddle has ever had to a friend in all these years and in the orphanage the only one who could hold a decent conversation with him. And while it’s not my moral obligation to keep Tom from becoming a domestic terrorist, and there’s no guarantee I even can, dumping him for one of the other houses and drifting apart won’t help.

Not to mention that, after all these years, I’m undoubtedly lonely, I’m in this foreign land, and he’s now the closest thing to a friend I have.

Looks like I’m going to Slytherin, YOOOOOLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO! I shout as a battle cry as tears run down my face. I may have to convince the hat to put me in Slytherin, but like all human beings I am a mixture of many qualities. I’m not cunning in the least, mind games exhaust me unutterably, but I’m full of ambition. 

This confirms every bad opinion Dumbledore had regarding me and Tom.

For the next several months, Tom probably beats the shit out of dormmates who steal his things/harass him. He beats up mine too because feminism (TM) means that he should treat all people equally when guilty of the same crime. I... am not sure I can win that fight so I just resign myself to having to adopt some of Tom’s tactics to make sure I’m not shoved in lockers, have tampons thrown at me, or pig’s blood dumped on me at the prom.

Once again, everyone thinks Tom Riddle and I are dating. I don’t even know if they’re wrong at this point.

Well, being in class with eleven year olds who seem to have had little to no prior education, Tom and I are undoubtedly blazing through class. I imagine I’m bored out of my mind (the Hogwarts curriculum sounds unbelievably boring) and Tom is... well, probably devouring the library but probably also bored. I decide to try and see if I can find some real history texts on this world (there are probably none, the wizarding world seems to only have two historians and both... have a different approach to history than current modern thought as I know it) and discover what magic even is. That shit is fascinating: wingardium leviosa is not.

Dumbledore likely gives neither me nor Tom points in class, I think the house cup is stupid, so I really don’t care. I have no interest in playing quidditch, neither does Tom, so that doesn’t happen.

The second world war starts up, Tom, me, and the muggle borns are the only ones who give a flying fuck. I work harder on figuring out how to get lodging during the Blitz/the bombing of London. Unfortunately, Mrs. Cole hates me too for being the Bride of Satan, so that’s a no go. Third year, 1939, I probably write her in earnest anyway telling her to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, send Tom and I instructions for the summer/where the orphans are staying/how they’ve been dispersed to the countryside. As a back up plan, I try desperately to shmooze shopkeepers in Hogsmeade during every Hogsmeade weekend to get myself and Tom part time jobs and lodging over the summer. As a back up back up plan, I spend my time badgering Tom to become very good at survivalist wandless magic and if the Lord has pity on me gain some ability in it myself.

Hopefully, either Mrs. Cole or one of the Hogsmeade shop owners take pity on us. If not, then Tom and I are going extreme camping. Given Mrs. Cole (and the brain damage brought on by Dumbledore erasing memories left and right) and the likelihood of Hogsmeade shop owners just not getting it, Tom and I probably go extreme camping.

(Tom, meanwhile, asks Dippet and Dumbledore if we can stay in Hogwarts over the summer. He’s told no exceptions. London’s being bombed, you say? No exceptions. Toodles. Tom is never the same.)

Me, Tom Riddle, a tent we made ourselves, several rabbits we had to catch and skin ourselves, and the pitiful fire that we can keep going through pure will alone because if we try to use real people spells then we’ll get arrested. It has the benefit of making Tom feel very manly and impressive, catching his own food, but both of us are well aware that this sucks.

But hey, we aren’t dead.

Well, I’m sure Tom doesn’t appreciate that and this is where I imagine he seriously starts talking about violent revolution. I imagine much of my time is spent discussing the merits of not violently overthrowing our ant overlords. I imagine a thirteen-year-old Tom isn’t impressed by my pacifism, but he’s not married to Voldemort yet (probably).

Then I imagine the horcrux thing comes up and... Well, I will argue hard against it. Humans die, it is a truth of the universe, and simply something we have to accept. Horcruxes are not a measure against that, they can be destroyed, given infinite time they will be, and the sacrifice they require is too high: human life as well as the very essence of who you are.

What is a soul? I’m not sure, we never really learn in HP canon, but whatever it is, it is in some way the essence of yourself. If you take half of it and throw it somewhere else, you will cease to be you, someone or something else is walking around in your body while the other half of you exists in endless agony.

If you must chase immortality, create a philosopher’s stone (as I darkly wonder why it was that couldn’t be replicated and what Flamel had to do to make it in the first place). On second thought, maybe we should search for the Holy Grail.

Whether I can talk Tom out of this or not is... unclear. I’m going to say that I can, in part because I imagine he’ll want to show the chamber off to me, tell me when he realizes he’s Heir of Slytherin, and in doing so I can prevent the basilisk incident from occurring. Without that, there’s no dead Myrtle, which means no first victim. That summer, when he goes to the Gaunts, I’ll go with him and convince him that it’s not worth it. He can just turn around and leave these people alone, I hopefully can talk him down. Which means no second victim.

I start writing Flamel to see if Tom or I can get an apprenticeship (Dumbledore probably beats us to the chase and poisons him against us, but it’s worth a shot).

Then, should all go well, I can convince Tom to find employment with the goblins rather than shady antique dealers on the bad side of town. Hopefully, I can convince him to never become Voldemort, and instead we travel the world together looking for the origins of magic or something.

Dumbledore goes around taking people’s memories of us in preparation for when Tom becomes a dark lord and I his lady of the night darkness.

TL;DR Apparently my life would become an SI/Tom Riddle fic. So, thanks anon.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: Something causes Lan Qiren to just SNAP, go absolutely fucking feral, and run off to become a rogue cultivator.

Beautifully Spent

- Chapter 1 -

aka Five Times Lan Qiren Left The Lan Sect Behind

“It is your duty, Qiren.”

“Is it?” Lan Qiren asked coldly. “I believe you’re thinking of my brother. You might remember him – the sect leader?”

He’d never spoken that coldly to anyone, least of all an honored elder, one of his own teachers, but he had no choice.

Ever since he was young, Lan Qiren wanted to become a traveling musician - to wander the world freely, without the burdens that would fall on his older brother, the prospective sect leader. Even as he got older, he'd never quite let go of that ambition, refining it until it had become not only a dream but a plan.

He would see that plan come to fruition, no matter what it took.

His teacher looked at him helplessly. “What’s gotten into you?” he asked. “You know your brother has chosen seclusion –”

“I know that in the eyes of the sect I have never been a quarter the man he is,” Lan Qiren said quietly. “I know that in each instance that we have argued, you have all taken his side. I know that I was asked, time and time again, to yield – because he is the elder, because he is the heir, because he is the more talented of us two. I have always yielded, because I am a filial son, a good brother, and I love my sect. I have always yielded.”

His teacher cast his eyes down to the ground.

An acknowledgement of guilt.

“I will not yield this time,” Lan Qiren said simply. “This is the rest of my life, honored teacher. This is my entire life. For once, let himbe the one to yield – to do his duty to his sect, as he was always meant to.”

“But –”

“I have always been here for him.” Lan Qiren did not allow him to interrupt. “I have been his scapegoat when things have not gone his way, I have been his pawn in political games, I have even been his punching bag when he needed to vent his irrational anger. Everything he has had the freedom to do, he has done because he has had me here. If I were not here, would he be able to go into seclusion?”

His teacher was silent.

“He would not,” Lan Qiren concluded. “To go into seclusion when you are the only option to lead the sect is to be an unfilial descendant of our ancestors. And so, if I am not here, he would be obligated to live up to his duties.”

“His heart has just been broken. Do you have no empathy for him?”

“As much as I do for the woman who was forced by circumstances to agree to marry him, and no more.”

“Qiren…”

“Think of it as me being dead, honored teacher,” Lan Qiren said, and ignored his teacher’s flinch at such inauspicious words. “Do you need me to remove my forehead ribbon before I go?”

“Qiren! Of course not!”

“Ask my brother,” Lan Qiren said dryly. “He will have the final word, as usual, and he does not like not getting his way.”

He left that day, his head held high.

He did his best not to think of his brother, who had, in his own way, wanted freedom, too.

Lan Qiren travelled, after that. It was just as he’d always planned it: quiet nights along forest paths, visits to small towns in out-of-the-way corners of the world – inquiring and then solving any issues they had that required a cultivator, and playing for them when no such issues remained. He had anticipated hardship, knowing himself to be a rich young master who’d never really faced the world; he hadn’t anticipated kindness: a few married women in one town taking the time to show him how to do laundry, giggling at him all the while, a group of young woodcutters in the next the best way to forage and cook food when one was hungry, a merchant and his wife teaching him how to bargain to avoid getting cheated…in time, through the generosity and enthusiasm of others, he learned all the skills he needed.

He refused payment for night-hunts – amazingly, his sect did not cut him off as he’d almost expected them to, and he was still able to collect his usual allowance – but accepted it for his music, and from his place behind his guqin he watched, quiet and content, as life swirled around him in all its myriad forms.

In between music and night-hunts, he idly taught some skills to the children in the towns he passed through – the vast majority were common people, completely lacking in cultivation skills, but his sect’s rules and the philosophy behind them were applicable in far more situations than that, and basic martial skills in even more. Whenever he stayed somewhere for more than a few days, he added in lessons in basic literacy, mostly because the idea of not having books at hand was abhorrent to him; the parents involved were generally more grateful that he was keeping their children out of trouble than especially interested in what he was teaching them, but it’d never hurt anyone to know a little bit of reading.

When he happened upon a place already governed by another sect, he did not take particular care either to avoid or to approach them; if they happened to meet, and to invite him to stay with them, he would. Lao Nie tracked him down six times for that very purpose, citing increasingly less plausible excuses, before Lan Qiren finally agreed to make the Unclean Realm a regular stop on his travels just to make him stop; in contrast, Cangse Sanren just showed up at the camp he had made for himself one day, her husband as always by her side, and simply refused to leave for the next three months.

He did not visit the Cloud Recesses.

Not when he heard about how his brother had, however reluctantly, come out from seclusion and begun to do the work of sect leader, and do it well, the Lan sect prospering under his leadership as they had always expected to. Not when he got news that his nephew was born; not when he heard that one nephew had become two. Not even when he heard that his brother’s wife had died, though the thought of that miserable woman’s self-inflicted fate had moved him enough to write a letter of condolence to his brother – their first contact in seven years.

Lan Qiren did not expect anything to come of that impulse, though perhaps he should have known better: it wasn’t more than a week later that he received a letter in return, the heavy formal parchment used by the Lan sect as familiar to him as the back of his hand, his brother’s equally formal calligraphy very nearly as familiar.

The words on it weren’t familiar at all.

I have made a terrible mistake, his brother wrote. I need your help.

Lan Qiren was perhaps not especially filial to his sect, having abandoned it as readily as he did – but despite everything, he did love his brother.

He went home.

“Lan Huan, courtesy name Xichen,” his brother said, nodding at the small child, pudgy and fat and adorable, quivering like a pudding even as he tried to force a smile onto his face, clutching onto a baby only a few months old, the little one strangely solemn despite the inexpert manhandling. “Lan Zhan, courtesy name Wangji.”

Lan Qiren was not as shy as he used to be, and he had gotten better at dealing with children. He knelt down until he was level with them, though he did not force himself to adopt any expression that did not come naturally. “Hello,” he said. “I’m your uncle.”

“Hello, uncle,” Lan Xichen said.

Lan Qiren held out a hand and waited, even as his brother took his leave, busier than ever. It took a little while, but Lan Xichen eventually put his own hand in his, and walked with him; after a little while, he even entrusted him with little Lan Wangji, fussing until Lan Qiren had tucked him into the corner of his arm in a manner he found appropriate.

By the time his brother found them again, Lan Xichen was chattering on and on about his xiao lessons, while Lan Qiren nodded along and added his own observations – he was decently skilled at the xiao himself; while it was not his preferred instrument, there were times when it was easier to carry than a guqin, and he had had time, when he was younger, to indulge himself in learning more than one instrument.

When Lan Xichen saw his father, he fell silent at once. He did not hide behind Lan Qiren’s robes, though Lan Qiren half-thought he wanted to – his little hand trembled in Lan Qiren’s palm.

“Would you like to take your brother back?” Lan Qiren asked him. Lan Wangji was a good baby, crying only a few times, each time responding well and easily to the usual things a child his age wanted – milk, a burp, attention. Moreover, Lan Xichen was good with him, thoughtful and careful; Lan Qiren had no concerns entrusting the baby to him, and Lan Xichen brightened a little when he realized that, nodding happily and taking Lan Wangji, pausing only a moment to glance worriedly at his father before scurrying off.

Lan Qiren looked at his brother.

“He’s afraid of me,” his brother said. “You can tell, can’t you?”

A blind man could tell. Lan Qiren said nothing.

“Wangji cries whenever I hold him, too, even though he almost never cries the rest of the time. He’s not even a year old, and he already knows.”

“Knows?”

His brother looked out into the horizon. His hands were behind his back, clasped in a formal pose. “That I’ll ruin them, too.”

Lan Qiren put his own hands behind his back as well. After a few moments, he said, “You care for them both. That’s not nothing.”

Their own father hadn’t managed even that. He had treated Lan Qiren with utter indifference, while treasuring his eldest beyond the point of reason, encouraging him to always think only of himself; the seeds of their estrangement were planted long before either of them knew it, each of them learning different lessons from their father’s mismanagement – Lan Qiren how to be inferior and doubt himself, his brother to be self-absorbed and careless with the feelings of others; Lan Qiren to bend himself to the point of breaking, his brother to refuse to bend at all.

It had served neither of them well.

“I don’t know what love is, except possession,” his brother said. “Xichen torments himself to try to live up to my expectations, and all I’ve managed to teach him, other than fear, is how to say yes to everything just to make people go away. I find myself falling into the habit of thinking of him as an extension of myself, which is still more than I can do with Wangji, who doesn’t even cry like a regular child should…” He paused. “You didn’t cry much as a child either.”

Lan Qiren glanced at his brother, surprised. He hadn’t known his brother had paid enough attention to him back then to even notice.

His brother smiled thinly. “Our family is known for its quiet children, did you know? I hadn’t, but they told me after Wangji was born. Apparently, there’s a few in every generation: a little slow, a little strange, with minds that don’t work quite the same way as the rest of us. The ones that don’t like to look you in the eye – sometimes they learn to speak, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they’re brilliant. As babies, they’re generally a little too quiet. There were three in our father’s generation, but in ours there was only you. And now, there’s Wangji…”

He shook his head.

“I wronged you before, Qiren. I don’t want to do it again – I don’t want to know what sort of father I’d be to a child like you. I’m not willing to risk waiting to find out, either.”

When Lan Qiren left the Cloud Recesses, he took with him a qiankun pouch weighed down with more money than he’d ever had in his life, two children, one smiling happily as the other burbled quietly, and his brother’s trust.

He had no idea what to do with any of it.

[the-closested-bisexual-himbo]

Neil sent Billy to boot camp pre-Hawkins

Before they moved to Hawkins, Neil tried to “put Billy straight” (oof the phrasing) by sending him to military school, that’s where Billy got into fitness as an escape and release. As well as drinking and smoking.

That’s also where he found out he liked boys. One of the smaller guys there that was just as scared, was a goof ball with him from the start. He talked Billy up with each week's gains, always joking, bro manner of course. He helped him feel better about himself after a life time of being cut down by Neil.

A couple times when he’d find him emotional and hiding, Billy comforted him and the other boy would console him the same when Billy was in his isolative, quiet moods, as well as the rare, but intense, breakdowns.

They even held each other a few times, which really solidified the worries in the back of Billys mind his whole life, each time. In those moments they were intimate for the comfort of the other, though in the embrace, all Billy could think was, “fuck, I still feel the same way. I thought it’d go away.. thought it was a one time, two time thing. Just an isolated incident type thing. But nope.. I feel the same.”

A few times after they held each other they sat there, back in the safety of separate selves once more. But Billy would feel the need creep up the second the pull away started. He’d sit there in the ache of wanting it back, wanting.. wanting more. He’d sit there in that silence waiting for something, anything to either take him away from the feeling or.. (he hoped) towards it, falling, deeper into it.

He longed more then anything to just fuckin stop fighting it and give in. To open his mouth and speak his way into a direction, to shake free from that stuckness of the spot he always seemed to land himself in. He couldn’t though, but one time. One god damn night of drinking and he was praying, literally praying to whatever the fuck be, that they’d have mercy on him. That they’d provide some peace for him, if only just a moment! And he got just that, JUST.. fucking.. that.

Drunkenly they talked in the showers, which was a separate, small building, far enough away from the places where the others slept that they could speak freely. So when everyone was asleep, this night, they did just that.. only they got emotional and that comfort finally turned into the more he had dreamed of.

They pulled back, signaling the ending of the hug and Billy almost found the will to just touch his face, to maybe push further even.. to kissing him. But no he couldn’t, but the thought or the feelings must have shown because Billy settled back into the personal spiral he always had after. Alone again, he felt, transfixed by all the ghosts back out to play, he hadn’t noticed the guy was slowly coming back into his space.

On his hands and knees just the few feet over but feeling like a life long strip tease granted just for him. Billy was wasted at sea, being pulled down in the heavy waves of self hate so all he could do was look over, head back, sprawled half on the floor, propped up against the wall. He swallowed watching him come closer. Billy’s breathe quickened as he looked the other, over taking in the moment of ‘maybe’.

The other boy looked around, nervously, checks bursting pink enough so that, even in the bit of moon light through the windows he could see it. He looked fuckin beautiful and it made Billy’s heart race but he was still stuck. “Please” Billy thought, “fuck, PLEASE give me more, please I need you, I neeeeed more but I just…. I CANT DO IT! I can’t be the one to-Please.”

He mustered up a small smile at the other that came across, he was sure, as very awkward, but he was trying to show that he was at least comfortable with whatever he was trying to go for. His anxiety made him huff a small laugh out, he wet his lips a bit. Left his mouth open a bit once he let the smile drop.

“Could I- would you be mad if I asked you for something?” The other boy whispered, inches from him. Billy nods ‘no’ swallowing anxiously again, trying to find his breath, feeling his stomach tighten with heat.

The other boy rested his hand on Billy’s open thighs further driving home his next question “are you sure?” Billy still can’t speak but he nods yes as he looks down at the others hand, swallowing with the thoughts of hope that arose.

“Could I- maybe- if you don’t want to just tell me, don’t get mad okay?.. please.” He took a moment growing redder “But.. can I.. kiss you?” Billys stomach tingles with excitement, heart aching, he nods as much of a yes as he can muster in awe that it’s finally has happened! His prayers have been answered! The boy using his leverage on Billy’s thigh to push up and lean over slowly to kiss him. Dragging it out just as slowly as Billy wanted it, to take in every fuckin detail of that moment.

Low lids, looking each other over until their lips met and they melted. Eyes closed in ecstasy, Billy let out a little muffled whimper. Then the other boy was coming in, packed tightly into him, to sit right between his limp, spread legs. Billy suddenly felt a jolt of electricity when his hand slide from his thigh to his hard bulge in his pants. Whimpering again, sighing his relief into the others mouth.

As he knew the creator had a fucked sense of human, a moment of peace granted was only that. Suddenly he heard something, saw streams of hash lights abruptly washed over them. There’s a couple of guys with flash lights, then the main lights shocked the depth of the situation through him, in an instant, outpouring the lesson Billy still had a ways to learn.

They started yelling about how they’re gonna tell. Fear makes Billy black out some but next thing he knows, they do just that. He’s sent home early as dishonorable as they can state things, they tell Neil.

Billy has to lie that the guy had tried to put the moves on him and he was drunk and asleep in the showers. It didn’t stick as well as he’d like but it still was just enough to let Neil think he wasn’t gay or at least not the type of boy that went out looking for it but the horny one, who, if under the right circumstances, if one crawled into his lap and asked nice enough..

——

Then they moved and.. well.. he thought he’d left this all behind, that he’d be able to leave these childish thoughts behind, then he sees Steve fucking Harrington.

Steve reminds him of the guy a lot. Maybe that’s why he finds himself fixated on him so damn hard. That’s probably the reason for the anger that comes rippling through him like a tsunami every time he sees the beautiful fuck. Probably why he finds himself trying to get close to him at a every possible chance, even if that closeness comes from Steve being on the other end of his blind rage, at all that Steve symbolizes for him.

Even if he’s on the receiving end of Steve’s own rage, he doesn’t care one bit, loves it even. He hates himself for it but every punch given or taken really does feel like a kiss to him.. like that moment that had dragged on in the showers. The blows tasting like love and lust, like blood and tears, like the ones he bites back so often, at night, alone, quite as he can.

They taste like the most ugly delights he dreams of, the want being crushed back down forcibly by Steve’s fists into his face. Like warm waves crashing over him. The closest to freedom he’ll get.

The lust, piercingly struck into the very face and body Billy wants, feral rage of a mask keeping the truth at bay as best he can in those moments.

But Billy wondered to himself sometimes, in times when he’d get too close, took a bit too long for a comeback or blow, that Steve may catch it in his eyes the same way the other boy had. The thought gave him the same stupid hope he had then too, and yet he’d still find himself stealing those extra moments. A victim to his desires. Straddling Steve mid-yoking him up by his shirt to meet a hit.. and just, dazed for a moment too long.. he was so helpless to it though.

That’s why you see, he was helpless to Steve and that’s truly what made his jaw tighter (every day in this hell hole of a town), his fists hit harder, his words that much nastier, always leaving a bitter taste of irony behind, because those were the only tools at his disposal. Those things kept him armored, kept him from being found out, from being totally dumbfounded by his want for the other and stuck still as a statue without an ounce of control left in him. If he put these masks of violence between him and this problem they helped him keep some level of restraint, control. But the longer this went on for, the more he wondered just how long he’d be able to do this for.

(Because in the short time since the first boy he’d had a real crush on, to now, the hurt had grown too much to bare, just that alone, enough to drive him to sickness. Add in to the equation of the same feelings, the same dreams, for some new pretty boy. Add in that since, said new crush, his decline of mental health was all too visible to every damn person. But try as he did, he couldn’t grasp at the sides of this slide, just nose dive down, down, down. His best attempt at helping?.. wetting his way down with booze. If that didn’t kill him, or the smoking, or the bold moves he’d shoot Neils way to feel some odd sense of actual strength, would.

It was odd, cause when he worked out it was only to fight the thoughts, the voices in his head, which never helped him feel any better. But standing up to Neil gave him a high he didn’t know just quite why, but, it’s like Neil was the only man he could truly stand up to without feeling a shred of that “maybe”(for obvious reasons), only pure animosity and that made him feel, finally.. out of its death grip, finally able to stand solid in some semblance of power. Even if the hurt to come was hell. Sickly comforting in a way, it was his own personal hell loop he couldn’t help but keep on playin into.

‘Only for so long’ he thought back to himself weary in bed, a silent tear rolling down his check. He was tired, and on the highway to the real hell, only a matter of time, but something in him begged, some part whimpered these pleas out, once more (just about every night, at least the ones he could remember) like prayers whispered into the vast ocean of the universe, in hopes that maybe, before he gave way to these ravenous tides Steve would somehow.. for some reason, find it in himself to, despite everything, throw him a lifeline.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid, no guy that perfect, no boy that soft in every sense of the word.. beautifully so, could ever find it in him to love a boy like you.” A voice would speak something like this every time he prayed his last hope out, ‘even still, doesn’t hurt to try’ in the smallest of ways like he did. He’d think back. ‘I can’t help but hope as it is, but even that flame will die some day, hopefully, with me.’)

—————————————-

The line “and then the main lights shocked the depth of the situation through him, in an instant, outpouring the lesson Billy still had a ways to learn“ is referring, in a poetic sense to John 8:17, (ESV) “For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.” Thought it’d be cool since he says he’s praying to ‘whatever be’ to slide in a little reference to that one quote, being that it’s a fitting cliché on secrets. Also.. gay. Repressed gay feels. As much as I’m not a believer of monotheistic religions, I feel it just helps highlight things for us repressed gays. I actually, out of Billy like rebellion, want to make a super metal and dark arts quote filled work too. 🤘🏻🤪🖤

(Also wouldn’t it make sense he doesn’t cut his hair in rebelling against them shaving his head for it)

[95jezzica]

TimeTraveling Thoughts

If I had more time I would write fanfiction(s) with this concept, but I think a missed opportunity many “Kakashi Time-Travels” fanfictions skip is the fact Kakashi has canon knowledge of Fūinjutsu. It’s part of why he was choosen as Naruto’s teacher, on top of the fact that he was “the only person in the village with Sharingan” at the time. (Since Sasuke was still counted as un-awoken at the time).

The biggest issue for Kakashi early on in the series was his depression and lack of chakra.

Now, assuming time-travel, Kakashi would already have the knowledge of his Mangekyō Sharingan, Obito and also have worked through his depression - but not have nearly enough or power to back up a spamming of Kamui. The Naruto series is kind of muddy about how you gain more chakra, but in general the fandom seems to mostly agree it’s a bit of a combination between growth/maturing as well as physical training and training mental abilities.

However, the “easiest”/quickest way to gain more chakra would obviously be to become a Jinchūriki. It’s not an ideal solution given their reputation at the time, and obviously the logic of how Kakashi gains a tailed beast depends a lot on how far you have him travel back in time, but if it should happen I say the likeliest candidates would be Minato’s half of Kuruma (instead of Minato getting it), or Isobu/the sanbi.

[ Sadly there’s no lightning beast, so ironically enough I think Matabi/Nibí or Kokuõ/Gobí would have been the best fit, but they’re busy sooooo... ] 

Either way, IF Kakashi became a Jinchūriki the smart thing would probably be to try and keep it as secret as possible, and just tell Naruto later on when the time is right.

.

Another option for more chakra would be that Kakashi gets to start actively training for more chakra early/earlier on, instead of spending YEARS in the Anbu. Honestly, after getting Yamato out it’d be great if Kakashi just excused them both and went on a Training Camp Year to get away from Danzo as well.

Kakashi was only 14y old at the time Minato and Kushina died - there’s no chance he’d be allowed to adopt Naruto. So, imagine if Kakashi at least got to spend 1-2 year(s) travelling and training with Jiraiya/Tsunade? Even before the sharingan Kakashi was/is canonly a genius with perfect chakra control, and his dad Sakumo canonly rivaled the Sannin in strength. Who knows? Perhaps Kakashi would even be able to convince Jiraiya and/or Tsunade to get their acts together and show up (earlier) for Naruto.

Seriously though. Imagine what knowledge/strength Kakashi could gain if he got the same opportunity as his Team 7 later gets? Actually getting to train under a Sannin for 1-2 year(s)? Add that to the knowledge Kakashi already has from his time-traveling and he’d be Terrifyingly strong by the end of it. With power comes influence. With influence comes further power. Kakashi could easily grow to Sannin level of strength and influence by the time he hits 20y old with those conditions. In a time-travelling scenario Kakashi would (hopefully) not spiral into a destructive grief-fueled depression after Minato’s death either, so he’d be able to focus on getting away from the village and train for a while.

Training with Jiraiya might be necessary in order for Kakashi to learn more Fūinjutsu - but given Kakashi’s status as a genius, self-studies in that area would absolutely be valid as well. [ Besides, I feel like getting Yamato to Senju Tsunade would benefit them all. Tsunade was still afraid of blood at that point in time, but she would still be able to teach Kakashi and Yamato a lot of useful stuff. Kakashi has perfect chakra control just like Sakura too, so who knows, he could perhaps even learn some basic healing.]

Additionally, a time-traveling Kakashi would likely be a MUCH more stable teacher in general. Kakashi was not doing well mentally when he originally got Team 7, but they helped him. In a time-traveling scenario he would already BE better, and would thus be able to help them better from the start. The fact that Kakashi would actually have some teacher-experience in a time-travelling scenario absolutely helps as well.

Kakashi’s knowledge in Fūinjutsu would potentially also allow him to help Naruto build a relationship with Kuruma earlier, his new chakra building-exercises would strengthen Sakura from the start, and well... Assuming Sasuke isn’t the only Uchiha in this time-line because Kakashi managed to in-directly or directly stop the massacre, Sasuke hopefully wouldn’t need as much emotional support. Or, in case Sasuke is still the last Uchiha in the village, Kakashi would be more ready and experienced on how to help him.

[ In Sakura’s case I just say generally strengthen her, because I really don’t want to take away Sakura’s training with Tsunade either. Maybe Kakashi can teach Sakura some genjutsu like he originally intended and/or generally strengthen her taijutsu, which would still leave Sakura’s training in healing and chakra-punching to Tsunade. ]

For Naruto, imagine if Kakashi teaches Naruto something like Air Bullets? Not necessarily a strong jutsu, but it’s mid-/long-ranged and would be AMAZING in combination with Naruto’s shadow clones - and if nothing else it’d at least give Naruto something else to fire off than Rasengan.

Not entirely sure about what Extra Thing that Kakashi would teach Sasuke, but some extra emotional support would likely do wonders no matter if what the Uchiha situation is like.

.

Anyway, this is turning long and it’s 3:40am, but here’s some random thoughts about time-traveling for Kakashi. Also, Kakashi should get to kill Danzo. As a treat.

[legoshi-plz]

How about birthday prompts (Like how they celebrate your birthday and how you celebrate theirs)?

Warning: NSFW-ish themes (Riz and Bill’s part),

All Characters are adults, around mid-20s here. So basically a couple years after college. Except for Gouhin, Oguma, and Gosha who are their canon ages.

Reader is Gender Neutral

Louis:

Your Birthday:

- Mr. MoneyBags here is going to go all out as far as expenses go.

- Fancy Dinner at an elegant restaurant, picks you up in his ridiculous sports car which you’ve rode in a million times but it’s still exciting. (Also, Louis drives extremely fast. He’s a good driver but if he’s not going at least 30 miles over the speed limit, he feels like he might as well be parked in the street. Also has a bad habit of running red lights and stop signs just because he can.)

- Buys you a brand new outfit just to wear to dinner and has it delivered to you in the morning in a red velvet box with a silk bow. You’re a little uncomfortable with the whole high society scene but you go along with it anyway for Louis’ sake.

- At dinner, he orders for you. He has a bad habit of doing that, even though you’ve told him multiple times you’re capable of making your own decisions. At least he usually orders you something you end up liking.

- Night concludes back at his place, he pulls out another velvet box similar to one from this morning except this box is much smaller which only meant one thing: jewelry.

- “Louis... Are there diamonds in this?”

- “....”

-“Louis...”

-“.... Maybe...”

- You refuse to accept the overly expensive gift, refuse to even look at it. You give it back to him and you could see he’s a little hurt but you assure him you know he means well but everything was just a little too much and you felt out of place.

- He accepts your criticism gracefully even if he is a little frustrated you wouldn’t accept his gift he spent so much time picking out. He promises to tone it down next year.

His Birthday:

- You actually really hate Louis’ birthday because he almost never spends it with you.

- He always works on his birthday, not seeing it as important enough to halt business.

- You’ve tried everything from bribing his assistant to haggling his bodyguards but nobody can get Louis out of his office in his birthday.

- You’ve learned to let it go, and usually surprise him by doing something special the week before.

Legoshi:

Your Birthday:

- All about being sweet. Values time and effort over anything and hopes that you see it that way too.

- Makes you breakfast in bed, he’s a pretty good cook all things considering (it’s a skill he picked up while being a waiter.)

- Takes you out for lunch, the two of you spend the day doing pretty regular couple stuff but you’re just happy to be there with him.

- Your present is something that’s both useful and to your taste, like along the lines of a sweater or cardigan in your favorite color. He makes sure it’s oversized because he knows how much you love to wear his sweaters and he even has your name embroidered in small cursive letters above the heart.

- You love your gift and how the two of you spent the day.

His Birthday:

- You two spend it almost identically, just with he roles reversed.

-Legoshi is still a little uncomfortable with extra attention so if you want to incorporate his friends into anything then you’ll have to be really stealthy about it.

- No surprise parties please, he literally would melt into the floor with embarrassment. Best to take him somewhere and his friends slowly join in organically (or at least, you hoped it came off as organic but it really didn’t)

- “Hey Legoshi, fancy seeing you two here at this restaurant in this reserved section. Mind if I join ya?” By the tenth time that exact excuse was used, the cat was well out of the bag.

- Legoshi appreciates your efforts though, even if he’s not one for attention. He sort of clings to you the entire night, whether it be holding your hand, gripping your thigh, encircling your waist, etc. as long as he’s touching you, he feels calmer and it helps tone down his anxiety.

- Overall, Legoshi’s the type to be fine with almost any birthday celebration (or even none at all) as long as he can be with you.

Juno:

Your Birthday:

- Makes you do something spontaneous for once, even if you’re hesitant.

- Takes you somewhere like Skydiving, or Paragliding, or Bungee Jumping. If you’re adamant about making it to your next birthday not risking your life then she will settle for something a little more mild like Scuba Diving.

- Can not stop gushing about how hot you look in your wetsuit and flusters you in front of the Scuba instructor (he’s an older Walrus and finds it cute to see young animals in love).

- The two of you end up having a blast and you’re happy you went along with Juno’s plan, even if it tired you out completely.

- Once the two of you get home and shower, you collapse onto the bed and fall asleep almost immediately, the exhaustion from the deep diving really taking it’s toll.

- Juno enters the bedroom holding a cake with lit candles and wearing brand new sexy lingerie she purchased just for you to rip off of her. She’s a little disappointed to find you unconscious but she figures it is your birthday and you can sleep if you want to.

- She blows out the candles for you and puts the cake in the kitchen, then she throws on a robe and snuggles up next your slumbering figure.

Her Birthday:

- She wants to travel for her birthday and she can’t think of anyone she’d rather take a trip with more than you.

- You two go somewhere hot and tropical, probably somewhere near a beach (she loves any excuse to wear a bikini and sunbathe)

- You two probably find a bar near the beach and get drunk, her moreso then you because you start to sober up as the night goes on so you’re able to take care of her.

- You take her back to the hotel and tuck her in after helping her get ready for bed. She a giggling, flirty drunk mess the entire time but it still makes your heart soar because you know she had fun.

- Before she falls asleep, she whispers to you that this was her favorite birthday yet.

Riz:

Your Birthday:

- He’s waking you up with morning head, no way around it. You wake up to him kissing your neck, then your collarbone, down your stomach and he just keeps going down until he has you whimpering and falling apart beneath him.

- Then the two of you take a shower together and he’s making you cum for him in a totally different way.

- But once you finally pry his humongous paws off of you, you think you’ll be able to relax but he has other plans.

- He sends you off to the Spa. He’s not going in with you because he wouldn’t be caught dead in one but buys you the best top of the line experience . You enjoy the peace and relaxation but you’re kind of lonely and just want to be with him.

- When you get home, he presents your gift to you which is probably something big and wooden that he made himself because he’s great with his hands and actually an amazing craftsman. Probably something like a intricate Wooden Gazebo outside so you could sit and enjoy your garden.

- “Riz, how the hell did you get this back here without me knowing?” You ask, your arms still wrapped around his neck from where you squealed in excitement, lavishing him with kisses.

- “Built it off site, just needed a few hours to install it,” Riz winked, cupping your ass with both hands and lifting you up so your legs could wrap around his waist.

- “So that’s why you made me spend my birthday alone?” You pouted.

- “Yeah, m’sorry about that, baby. But I can make it up to you...” Riz growled, carrying you inside to the bedroom.

“Wait, I wasn’t done looking at my gift,” you giggled as he began nipping at the fur at the base of your neck.

“Trust me, it’s not going anywhere,”

His Birthday:

- Riz loves nature and outside in general. So for his birthday you plan a camping trip deep in the forest.

- You don’t tell him anything about it, you just make him request two days off of work, no questions asked.

- You two leave early in the morning, drive deep into the forest and then you spring it on him. You also let him know that if he doesn’t like the idea, theres still time to turn back and spend his birthday in the city.

- Not a chance if that happening though, this man LOVES the outdoors. He’s already halfway out the car before you could even put it in park.

- The two of you have a blast setting up the tent, making the campfire, cooking dinner over said campfire, and communing with nature.

- “There’s a river that runs north of here, it’s about a 15 minute walk from here, I figured we could go fishing there tomorrow morning,” You tell him as you sit in his lap, admiring the fire.

- However, the two of you don’t make it there until we’ll into the afternoon and it was a miracle you made it there at all. Riz had fucked you senseless last night, the atmosphere of nature giving him a newfound surge of energy. It’s a good thing no one was around because the two of you were almost embarrassingly loud.

- Anyways, Riz thoroughly enjoys his weekend of wilderness and fucking you like a wild animal all throughout the forest. You enjoy it as well despite the fact he has you almost limping by the end of the trip.

Bill:

Your Birthday:

- Honestly, he forgets. If you wait on him to remember or ‘surprise you’, then you’ll only end up ruining your own birthday.

- If you remind him on the day of, he takes you out to eat at a nice restaurant but it’s still very last minute.

- If you remind him the day before, he’ll at least get you a gift but it’s last minute.

- Overall, if you want to actually enjoy your birthday with him, you better plan it yourself

His Birthday:

- Plans an entire house party himself and invites everyone, it seems, but you. He wasn’t exactly aiming to exclude you, he just thought it’d be a given that you would be there. However, if you didn’t show up, he wouldn’t really notice either way.

- It’s wild and crazy. A ridiculously huge amount of people show up and there’s alcohol coming from every direction, and Bill is soaking up every ounce of the attention.

- Once you finally had enough of being ignored, you go home. You doubt that Bill will even notice you’ve left.

- You’re at home, showered, and about to head to bed when your phone starts ringing. It’s an unknown number so you let it ring out. But then they call back again, and again, and again. Disturbed, you accept it on the fourth call just in case it’s an emergency.

- “Finally they picked up! Y/N? You there?” It was one of Bill’s friends. Apparently in his drunken state, he went into a rage when he couldn’t find you and had been crying for you to come back for almost an hour. He was inconsolable and his friends knew there was only a matter of time before he started a fight at his own party. You were irritated but you still allowed them to drop him off at your place.

- The second you answered your front door, the giant tiger in question was all over you, squeezing you right and asking why you left him. You helped him inside and laid him in your bed.

- He cuddled with you for maybe 10 minutes tops before he was out like a light. You end up falling asleep next to him, finally enjoying a little peace for once tonight.

- That peace doesn’t last long though, Bill wakes up the next morning horny. Like extremely horny. You wake up to him grinding against your thighs, whimpering and begging to let him fuck you. You give in to the belated birthday boy and he proceeds to give you the sloppiest, most sensual, earth-shattering morning strokes of your life. You’re so mind blown by how good he fucked you, you forget about how angry you were with him.

- After a well needed shower, he takes you out for breakfast to apologize for how much of an ass he was on his birthday. You accept but tell him if he ever pulls something like that again, he can look for a new lover.

Collot:

Your Birthday:

- Surprisingly wants to spoil you on your birthday but unlike Riz, he actually minds being apart from you (he’s hella clingy, he just hates to admit it) so whatever activities he has planned, the two of you are doing it together.

- Takes you to a fancy resort, somewhere in the mountains where it’s cold and there’s snow on the ground even during the summer months.

- The two of you attempt skiing but you’re terrible at it and he ends up laughing at you falling majority of it.

- You two also enjoy the giant jacuzzi the lounge has to offer but Collot can not keep his hands off of you and eventually you two have to run back to your room for a midday quickie.

- His birthday gift to you is something simple, like a necklace with your birthstone in it. You love it and allow him to put it on you.

- The rest of the evening, it’s just you and your man, walking along the Snow filled grounds, sipping warm apple cider, and enjoying the break from the rest of the world.

Gouhin:

His Birthday:

- This man wants REST. No need to go all out, his life is crazy enough the other 365 days of the year. Just give him some peace and relaxation and he’s good to go.

- He also loves your cooking and wouldn’t be opposed to you cooking him a huge meal.

- Also loves your body and wouldn’t be opposed to you doing that thing that he really likes in bed ;)

- Your gift to him would be something he can use but also is a little unnecessary. Something like a ridiculously fancy, golden calligraphy pen for his office or a brand new crossbow with genuine leather straps. He’s pretty hard to shop for so it’s always best to go with something he already has, just a newer model.

- Honestly just wants to spend his birthday with his baby (you) as if it’s any other day.

Gosha:

Your Birthday:

- Gosha is so lovable, he’s probably more excited it’s your birthday than you are.

- He’s picked up quite a few skills over the years and baking is one of them. Bakes you a giant birthday cake in your favorite flavor. You’re grateful he was so thoughtful and made such an extravagant cake but there’s no way you’re going to finish this entire thing.

- You end up inviting over friends just to get rid of some of the cake, which they’re more than happy to do since it’s absolutely delicious.

- A few of your friends bring group dishes and fancy wine and soon it’s a whole party underway. The small gathering is actually a blast and you can’t think of a better way to spend your birthday other than surrounded by the people you love.

Oguma:

Your Birthday:

- Mr. Moneybags 2.0

- Gets you a crazy expensive gift like a brand new car and calls it a day.

- Not really much for spending time or celebrating traditionally. But to compensate, he’ll buy you the world (even after you’ve repeatedly told him you don’t need all that.)

- Probably won’t even see you on your birthday because his schedule is so overbooked but sends you plenty of gifts to remind you that he loves you.

- It stings not seeing him on your birthday but at this point in the relationship, you don’t really expect anything else from him.

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of PD and Med: Season 0: The Backstory (A Halstead! Brothers + Halstead Sister! imagine)

Hey, I had an idea to pick episodes from every season of PD and Med and write them as if Will and Jay had a younger sister involved. This is the first installment and it will deal with some big things in Jay and Will's young adult years and Y/N's childhood years! Stay tuned for the next update which is season 1 of PD (I'm not gonna say what ep it is yet because I want you guys to be surprised.) I just made up a name for Mama Halstead since she hasn't been named in the show...I'm still waiting on that crumb that the writers neglected to add.

Anyway, enough of the long note, enjoy!

Will's age: 20

Jay's age: 18

Your age: 4

"Dad, I'm leaving tomorrow! It's not like I can change it now!" Jay yelled at his father as he paced the living room, his mom and dad sitting on the couch. His mom was trying to calm his dad, but that wasn't working very well.

"Both of you, keep your voice down," Amelia Halstead hissed at her husband and youngest son. "Y/N's sleeping. And if either of you wakes her up, there will be hell to pay tomorrow."

"Sh- Crap," Jay fixed his language quickly, knowing that he shouldn't swear around his parents. "Y/N."

Amelia's eyes went wide. "Jayson Halstead! You haven't told her yet? You said you wanted to be the one to tell her!"

"He won't have to tell her anything if he doesn't go," Pat Halstead shrugged.

"Patrick." Amelia gave Pat a warning look. "He's his own person and as much as we both hate it, he's an adult in the eyes of the law and can make his own decisions. One of which is whether or not he wants to join the military."

"I just think he should go out and get a real job. Why is it that none of my sons want to do that? Will wants to become a doctor and waste God knows how much time and money in school and this one wants to go and get himself killed. And for what? Because you want to play with guns?"

"Dad," Jay groaned. "We've been over this. I want to help protect people and I want to do that somewhere outside the country because there are others over there who really need it. Also, I like the adrenaline rush."

"Jay, not the time," Amelia scolded in reference to the last part.

"Sorry, Mom," Jay mumbled.

"I'm still not okay with this, no matter your reasoning. I don't need you to come home in a coffin!" Pat yelled.

You heard the booming voice of your dad down the hallway and jumped awake. Why was he yelling? Shouldn't he be sleeping just like you had been? But, maybe he was just yelling at the Blackhawks game as he did that often. Maybe if you got up he'd give you some juice. Your mom was always strict about no sugar before--or during--bedtime, but your brothers and your dad were a lot more easygoing.

So, you slid out of bed and walked down the hallway, excited to see if you'd be able to get some grape juice in your favorite princess cup. You clutched your Build-A-Bear in your hand, which was also dressed in pajamas, as it was bedtime, and walked down the hall. But, you stopped short when you heard that Jay was yelling as well.

"I'm leaving tomorrow and there's nothing you can do about it, Dad! If you hate it so much, feel free to stay home when we all go to the airport!"

Jay was leaving? Did he have another seven-sleep-long soccer camp? He always had those in the summer. And, when you went to his games with your mom when the leaves changed, he scored lots of goals.

"Jay wait--"

"Mom, I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Jay got halfway down the hall before he saw you.

"Hey, what are you doing up? Isn't it way past your bedtime?" Jay asked, his voice softening as he crouched down in front of you.

Your lower lip started to tremble and you pulled your Build-A-Bear, who you had affectionately named Beary, close to your chest. "You go to soccer for lots of sleeps again, Jay Jay?"

Jay sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Of course, you had heard him say he was leaving. And of course, the only thing you had to compare it to was him leaving for his soccer camps which he always went to at the end of July.

"What's the biggest number you can count to?" he asked, trying to sound excited.

"Um...um...um," you furrowed your eyebrows, trying to remember what you had learned at daycare. "Ten," you finally answered.

"I'm gonna be gone a long time," he told you.

"So, ten sleeps?" Ten was a long time. It had two numbers!

"Longer than that." He placed a hand on your shoulder and went to hug you because he saw the tears in your eyes, but you ran away from him. "Y/N, wait--"

"Mommy!" you yelled as you ran into the living room as fast as your little legs could carry you.

Amelia Halstead jumped up from her place on the couch. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" She crouched down and then picked you up.

"Jay Jay," you hiccupped as tears rolled down your face. "Jay Jay leaving for more than ten sleeps! He not my favowite broder anymore!" you wailed.

The door opened, revealing Will who had just returned from the library since he was taking some summer classes. "What am I, kiddo? Chopped liver?"

"Will my favowite now."

Will put his backpack in his room and then entered Jay's, who was sitting on his bed with what looked like a new outfit for your Build-A-Bear right next to him.

"So, I'm assuming you told her?" Will asked after he had sat down next to his younger brother.

"Yeah. And she hates me now, so there's that."

"Nah, she's just confused. She's four, Jay."

"I know that."

"Did you tell her why you're leaving? Where you're going?"

"No. When I told her I'd be gone for more than ten sleeps she started to cry and then ran to Mom. I made her cry, Will. You're the only one who's supposed to do that."

"Hey," Will smacked Jay upside the head. "I stole her bear once and I'm forever dubbed the horrible brother, yeah okay."

Jay laughed. "I mean, it's true, though. She hated you and cried for hours until you came home and gave it to her because you hid it in your car."

"I agree. It was a dick move." Will picked up the bear outfit. "What's this?"

"I got her a military outfit for her bear. Figured maybe it'd help her feel like I'm not so far away. And, it wouldn't freak her out when she sees me in my uniform tomorrow."

Jay and Will looked up at the sound of his door being opened. "Someone wanted to see you," their mom said, still holding you in her arms. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

You nodded. "Down peas," you said, trying your best to say please.

The minute you were safely on the floor, you ran to Jay's bed and hauled yourself up all by yourself. "I sowwy," you told your big brother.

"It's okay. But you know what will make me feel better?" you shook your head no. "A hug."

"Okay!" you jumped into Jay's lap and hugged him, unknowingly jumping somewhere that hurt him, causing him to grimace and Will to burst out laughing. After a warning glance from your mom though, Will stopped.

Once Jay regained his composure, he grabbed the bear outfit from next to him. "I have a present for you."

You pulled away from him and looked at him expectantly. "Weally? But I was mean."

"I know you didn't mean it. I forgive you."

You had no idea what he was talking about, but nodded anyway.

"You know how the good guys fight the bad guys?" Jay started. You nodded. "I'm leaving to fight some really bad guys."

"So you a good guy?"

"Yes," he chuckled. "And I wear something that looks like this. So, I thought maybe Beary would like his own. That way, you know that me and him are both the good guys and when I'm gone, he'll fight off all the bad guys in your bad dreams."

"Beary can fight da bad guys?"

"Yes, it's because he has this. He can even just wear the hat and be fighting bad guys."

He handed you the camo shirt, pants, and hat for your bear.

"You not wearing dis," you told him.

Now it was your mom's turn to butt in. "It's because he's sleepy. He doesn't wear it to sleep. But, he'll wear it tomorrow and Beary and Jay will match."

"Beary match Jay Jay 'morrow?" you asked, looking up at your mom expectantly.

"Yes. And they'll match faster if both you and Beary go to sleep."

"Weally?"

"Really. Now, how about we go to sleep and you can put Beary's new outfit on tomorrow?"

"Okay. Night night, Will. Night night, Jay Jay."

Once your mom had taken you out of the room, Will spoke up. "Damn, now I'm gonna have to get that bear a white coat once I graduate from med school just to one-up you."

"His name's Beary," Jay told him.

Will rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'm gonna have to get Beary a white coat when I graduate from med school. Happy now, little brother?"

"Beary happy."

***

You, your mom, dad, and Will all walked into the airport to say goodbye to Jay before he boarded his flight. Beary was dressed in his camo, but you hadn't seen Jay dressed in his yet as he had left early to say goodbye to Allie and some other friends before you had gotten the chance to see him this morning.

"Look, there's Jay," your mom said, trying to be as happy as she could so that you wouldn't get sad. But, on the inside, her heart was breaking. But, once again, this is what her son wanted to do, so she wouldn't stop him.

"Hey guys," he said as he walked up to you, again, trying to be as happy as he could. But, since you couldn't really read the tone yet, you missed the nervousness in his voice.

"You and Beary match!"

"I told you we would! Would I ever lie to you?"

You shook your head no. You trusted both your big brothers to always tell you the truth.

"C'mere." Will was the first one to give Jay a hug. "I'm gonna miss your annoying--" Will leaned in to whisper in Jay's ear, knowing that if his mom heard him swear around you, he'd never hear the end of it. "--ass."

"I'll miss you, too. And all that annoying school talk you do. Dad?"

He turned to his dad and he hugged him, shocking both Jay and Will. "Stay safe out there, son."

"I will."

"Mom, please don't cry," Jay said as he turned to your mom, who was still holding you in her arms.

"I just love you so much. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Mom," he said as he swallowed a lump in his throat and hugged her. "I love you, too."

He pulled away and then looked at you. "And you, I am gonna miss you the most."

"Weally?"

"Yes, don't tell Will, but you're my favorite."

"Mommy! I'm Jay Jay's favowite."

"Flight 51163 now boarding."

"I gotta go. But, remember what I told you, okay? Beary will always fight your bad dreams for you because he has his own uniform now."

"Just like you?"

Jay nodded. "Now, can Mommy put you down so I can get a big Y/N hug?"

Your mom set you on the ground and Jay crouched down to your level and enveloped you in a hug. "I gotta go," he said as he pulled away. "Be good for Mommy and Daddy."

"I will. I love you Jay Jay."

"I love you, too." He stood up and looked at the rest of his family. "All of you."

He turned and started to walk away. More than ten sleeps is too long! And, before your mom could pick you back up, you ran towards him, dropping Beary in the process.

"No no no Jay Jay, peas stay!" you yelled.

Jay's head whipped around just as you attached yourself his leg with tears running down your face.

"Y/N, Jay's gonna be home before you know it," your mom said.

"But- But I don't want Jay Jay leave. I want Jay Jay home!"

"I know, I know. But remember what he told you last night? He's gotta get all the bad guys. And, you want him to get all the bad guys, don't you?"

"You pwomise to get all da bad guys, Jay Jay?" you asked, still holding onto his leg.

"I promise."

Your mom reached down to grab you and then lifted you up into her arms.

Another guy wearing the same clothes as Jay came up to you. "Is this yours?" he asked you.

"Beary! I dropped Beary, Mommy!" you exclaimed as you reached out and took your bear from him.

"I see that. Now, what do you say?"

"Tank you!"

"You're welcome," he said.

Then, you waved goodbye as your mom walked away with you and returned to Will and your dad. All the while, you clutched Beary, making sure he didn't fall out of your grasp again.

"Kid sister?" the guy who handed you Beary back asked Jay.

"Yeah, she's four. Doesn't really get what's going on. Thanks for giving that back. She would've gone crazy if she got in the car and it wasn't there," Jay answered. "I'm Jay Halstead by the way."

"Greg Gerwitz," he replied. "But everyone calls me Mouse."

***

Will's age: 22

Jay's age: 20

Your age: 6

"Mom is gonna be shocked, man," Will said to Jay as he parked his car in the driveway. "I just hope she doesn't me kill for keeping it a secret from her."

"I think that'll be the last thing on her mind when she sees me. Now, you said that her and Y/N are leaving at 8:15, right?"

"Yeah, so you better go stand outside my car now because it's 8:14."

Meanwhile, inside you ran back down the hallway to your room. "Y/N!" Your mom shouted after you. "We have to go! You don't want to be late on your first day of kindergarten, do you?"

You ran to your room and then grabbed Beary. You had changed him back into his military uniform outfit--or, what you called Jay Jay's clothes--earlier this morning. It was the only thing Beary wore during the day since Jay's been gone. You'd put him into his pajamas at night and then right back into the military uniform outfit when you woke up.

"I'm back, Mama! Beary's coming to school with me!"

"That reminds me," she pulled out a small toy backpack from behind her back. "Beary can't go to school without a backpack now, can he?"

"No, Mommy! Thank you!" you quickly put the red backpack on Beary's back and then your mom took a picture.

Then, you and your mom stepped out the front door.

Jay and Will were both leaning against Will's car. Tears came to Jay's eyes when he saw that your bear was still in that military outfit he'd gotten you two years ago before he left for basic training and then for Afghanistan.

Through a rushed phone call a few months ago, Jay had asked Will when your first day of school was. He didn't want to miss it, being the good big brother he was. So, once he had a date, he went on a mission to get himself off his tour one week early. Somehow, he was successful. Then, he coordinated with Will about what time his flight was landing in Chicago and he'd picked him up. The two brothers spent the night at a hotel--Will saying he was staying at a friend's house--and then driven home that morning.

You were having a very intense conversation with your mom about what you hoped kindergarten would be like when she stopped in her tracks and put her hand over her mouth.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" you asked, looking up at her with wide eyes.

"Hi, Mom."

You knew that voice. But, usually, it only came through the phone and your mom wasn't holding the phone right now.

You looked away from your mom and towards the sound of footsteps.

There, right in front of you, was your big brother in his military uniform that matched Beary's.

"Jay Jay!" you yelled and sprinted towards him.

"There's my favorite kindergartner!" Jay exclaimed when he picked you up. "Did you miss me?"

"I missed you this much!" You spread your arms out as far as they could go.

"Really?" You nodded your head. "You missed me a lot, huh? Well, I missed you more!"

"Did you get the bad guys?"

Jay swallowed, images from his deployment and having people bleed out in front of him coming to the forefront of his mind. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, Y/N. I got all the bad guys."

"Good!"

"How did you- How did you both do this?" your mom choked out, in tears.

"Mommy, don't cry," you told her, still in Jay's arms. "Jay Jay's home, be happy."

"I am happy, baby. These are happy tears. But how did you do this? I thought you weren't supposed to be home for another week, Jay!"

"Me and Will talked about it. I found out when Y/N's first day of school was, and the rest just fell into place. I couldn't miss walking my favorite sister to her first day at big kid school, now could I?" he asked, tickling your stomach, causing you to giggle.

"No, stop! Jay Jay stop!" you giggled and he set you back down on the ground.

"How about you walk to school with us and then the three of us go out for breakfast?" your mom suggested.

"What about me?" you asked, looking up at your mom. "Can I come?"

"You'll be in school, honey. And, remember what I said you'd get after school?"

"A donut!" you exclaimed.

"Wow! Someone's lucky!" Jay said, overexaggerating it.

"Make sure you tell them it was your first day of school, Y/N," Will started, "because I know they'll be sure to put extra sprinkles on it."

"Mommy! I get extra sprinkles!"

"So, I heard. But, we better get going, we don't want to be late."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Mom," Will started, "But I gotta start heading back to New York."

"Med school can't wait another day, huh?" Jay asked.

"I've already missed one lecture, but it was on the ethics and implications of not respecting a DNR...which is common sense in the medical world. But, I don't think I can afford to miss anymore. Sorry guys."

"You'll be back soon though, right?" you asked.

"Yup, I'll be back for Thanksgiving. A lot faster than Jay got back."

"Okay!" you exclaimed. Then, you grabbed your mom's hand and Jay's and walked to school in the middle of them, excited to have your big brother who fought the bad guys back home.

***

Will's age: 25

Jay's age: 23

Your age: 9

It's been three years since Jay's first tour ended, and he was currently overseas on his second tour. You were in third grade now, so you enjoyed getting to write letters to him and tell him all about school. You'd also send some to Will in New York so that he didn't feel left out. And, Will would send you these super cool things called postcards with pictures of different places in New York on them!

Overseas in Afghanistan, all hell had broken loose. Jay and Mouse were in the same unit again, which was great, but what wasn't so great was what happened with his Humvee. The Humvee had hit an IED and left Jay and Mouse as the only two survivors. Jay was trying to do his job the best he could, but he wasn't sleeping, the images of that day etched in his mind and always there, even when his eyes were closed.

In the northeastern part of the US, Will was procrastinating all his homework--but somehow still turning it in on time and doing well on exams--while he worked long, unpaid hours at a hospital, learning everything there was to know about treating patients and performing surgery. He was also partying a lot in his spare time. He had seen one of his professors, Yates, at a party, so that was weird and freaked him out. A grown man partying with his students? Why? But, Will had more important things going on to worry about than why the hell one of his professors was at a big ass house party.

Back at home, your mom was crying and you had asked her what was wrong, but she told you not to worry about it. Despite that, you were worried. You had never seen your mom cry like this. She didn't even cry this much when Jay and Will left!

"Mom?" you asked when you got home from school to see her sitting at the kitchen table crying.

She frantically wiped away her tears to try and play off that nothing was wrong. You looked down at the stack of papers in front of her and noticed that one said something about a will. There wasn't an "a" in front of Will's name! He was just Will!

"Mom! They messed up Will's name! See? I'll fix it!" You picked up the pen next to you and uncapped it.

"No!" your mom yelled.

"Why? It's wrong."

"I'm sorry,  baby. These are just really important papers that you can't write on, okay? They're adult papers."

"Will and Jay are adults?" you asked, your eyes going wide. No, they weren't; your mom still called them her baby boys.

"They are!" She laughed at your expression.

"When will I be an adult?"

"You've got nine years yet, baby. You have to wait until you're-- until you're eighteen," she stuttered, trying not to get choked up as she realized that she probably wouldn't be here when you turned eighteen. If the doctors were right, she wouldn't even be here for your tenth birthday.

"Mom, why are you crying?" You sat in the kitchen chair next to her and looked up at her with curiosity in your eyes.

Now was as good a time as any, your mom thought to herself. Both Will and Jay knew and Jay said he'd be home any time now since he had been honorably discharged between the Humvee and IED incident and your mom getting sick.

"Sweetie, mom's really sick," she told you.

You cocked your head to the side. "So, you just need to go to the hospital or get Will to fix you up."

"I wish it were that simple, baby. But, the sickness is way inside my body and is moving around too much to have Will fix it."

"But can't they go inside with those fancy tools that Jay's scared of?"

"It's not as simple as going in with a few needles, baby."

"But what about that yucky stuff you give me?" you asked, referring to the grape flavored medicine.

You heard the door open. "The important thing is that I'm okay right now. I'll just be a little tired and we might have to go to the hospital soon."

"Mom? You here?"

"Jay!" you yelled and ran to the living room, the emotional talk with your mom long forgotten the moment you heard your older brother's voice.

"Y/N!" Jay yelled, matching your enthusiasm as he crouched down and opened his arms wide.

"I missed you!" you told him as you squeezed him tightly.

"I missed you, too! Now, is Mom here?" he asked as he stood back up.

You grabbed his hand. "She's here. Did you know she's sick, Jay?"

You led him to the kitchen, where your mom was still sitting at the table.

Jay glanced over at the paper sitting in front of your mom. He swallowed as it all quickly became real for him.

His mom was dying and he was home. But, his older brother wasn't. Will was off partying while their mom was dying.

***

"No, chocolate's better than vanilla," you argued as you and Jay both walked the short walk home holding your ice cream cones.

"No, vanilla's better. You're just a weirdo. Now, how about you eat your ice cream before it melts and drips on you and you get all sticky?"

It was the first day of May and Jay had been home since February. Your mom's condition was rapidly deteriorating as the cancer spread throughout her body. You had noticed she had been more tired than usual and that your dad hadn't been as excited to watch you at soccer practice. He didn't even want to come with you and Jay when you went to the ice cream shop today. It was opening day for the season, and it was a Halstead tradition that the whole family go get ice cream together. And, Jay wasn't going to let his dad wreck that for you, so he took you.

Jay had finished his ice cream and you were at the bottom of your cone when you walked up the front porch steps.

"You're just going to give up, Amelia? You do know that's what this is right?"

Luckily for you, you were so focused on finishing your ice cream, that you didn't hear the yelling between your mom and dad right away. But, Jay did.

"Hey, Y/N?" you looked up from your cone at your older brother.  "How about you go grab your soccer ball from the garage and I'll get some water bottles and we can go to the park and practice for your game on Saturday, how does that sound?"

"So I can get better at stealing the ball from the other team?" you asked.

"Yup. Now, let's hurry up, okay?"

"Okay!"

As soon as your back was turned and you ran off to the garage in search of your soccer ball, Jay entered the house.

"Pat, that's not what this is and you know it!" Amelia argued, using what little strength she had after chemo to stand up.

"Then what is it?" Pat roared.

"I don't want Y/N to see me deteriorate!"

Jay rushed into his parents' bedroom. His mom was clutching the bedpost as if her life depended on it.

"Mom," he started, causing both his parents to focus their attention on him. "How about you sit down? You're tired."

"Jay, will you get me the phone please?" she asked, still standing.

"Amelia, you are not making that call!"

"It is my life! You are not taking this last big decision away from me!" Her voice softened. "Jay, sweetheart, the phone please."

"What's going on?"

"Your mom wanting to stay at the hospital is what's going on," Pat spat.

"Mom, no. You- you can't. Stay here. Please," he begged. He knew this was the last straw. Staying in the hospital likely meant she'd die there. She only had a limited time left. And, he wanted her to be here, at home with him. He had missed so much when he was away in Afghanistan. He just wanted more time of her staying home, of them being a normal family, despite her battling cancer with all her might.

"It'll be better for me there, Jay. They can give me painkillers and probably other things to help me feel better."

Jay hated it, but his mom was right. It probably was what was best for her.

"Okay, I'll get you the phone."

He walked into the kitchen to grab the phone and walked back to the bedroom to give it to his mom.

He reached out his hand to hand it to her, but it hit the floor with a thud.

"Dad! What the hell?" Jay yelled.

"You know what! She's staying here, Jayson!"

"Last I checked, it was mom's decision, not yours! And, she said she wants to go to the hospital! Respect that!"

"Like you and her respected what I had to say when you wanted to leave for the army? You didn't respect what I had to say then, so why should I respect what she's saying now?"

"Because she's your wife and she's dying!" Jay yelled. "You're stressing her out and stress is bad for her."

He picked up the phone and went to hand it to his mom. She took it.

Pat reached out his hand, but Jay stopped him. "You touch her or that phone, and I will lay you out where you stand. It's mom's decision."

"You'd really hit your old man?"

"Try me."

There was silence for a moment before Pat turned. "I'm going for a drive. I'll be back later."

"You didn't have to do that, you know," Amelia said to her son once Pat was out of the room.

"You did the same thing for me when I left to go to the army. You respected my decisions, so I'm respecting yours, Mom."

"When did you grow up so much?" A tear rolled down her cheek.

Jay sat down next to her. "Army will do that to you."

"Jay? You ready?" Jay heard you call for him.

"I'll be right there, Y/N!" he hollered back. Then, he turned back to his mom. "I was gonna take Y/N to the park, but I can stay here if you want me to?"

"No, go, Jay. You're a good brother. Promise me you'll watch over her when I'm gone?"

"Mom don't say--"

"Promise me. She needs you, both you and Will to look out for her. Who knows how your dad will get through all this. She needs her big brothers."

"I promise, Mom."

"Jay?" he heard you yell for him from outside.

"Be right there!" he yelled back.

After grabbing and filling up two water bottles, he walked outside to be met with your puzzled face. "What's wrong?"

"Why'd dad leave?" you asked, holding the soccer ball under your arm.

"Uh," Jay faltered. No way in hell was he going to be the one to explain this to you. Him leaving for the military, yeah, he could explain that one. But your guys' mom dying and telling you that she was going to the hospital because the end was near? Yeah, not gonna happen. He'd leave that to someone else...someone that was not him. "He's running a few errands," Jay answered.

"Oh, okay. Can Ben come to the park with us, too?" you asked.

Ben was your best friend and also your neighbor. Jay had dated his older sister before he left to fight the bad guys far away. Sometimes, when Jay had to babysit you, Allie would come over and bring Ben. And then, you'd get lots and lots of candy and get to watch movies for a bit. And, they'd promise you both Mcdonald's if neither you nor Ben said that Allie had come over. It always worked. You didn't know what the two teenagers were doing, but all you knew was that you got french fries and candy out of it, so both you and Ben had kept your mouths shut...despite it being against both your parents' rules to have a boyfriend or girlfriend over when they weren't home.

"You know what, I think that's a great idea," Jay answered. And then, you made your way to the Corson's and then to the park, thinking nothing of it.

***

Jay was sitting in the hospital room, clutching his mother's hand, just wondering how his life had turned out like this. Will was almost to the hospital; he'd gotten a last-minute flight from New York to Chicago, knowing that that would be faster than driving. Your dad was picking you up from school an hour early on a Friday. But right now, right now Jay was alone. And his mom, well she was still here, but he knew it wouldn't be for long. He knew that she was sleeping right now, and he wanted that for her because at least she wouldn't be awake to feel the pain of death, but at the same time, God, he wanted her to wake up. He wanted her to wake up so bad. He wanted to tell her that she was the best mom in the world. He wanted to tell her that he should never have had gone to Afghanistan, that maybe Dad was right, maybe he should've stayed in the States. Maybe he should've stayed in Chicago. He should've stayed home, just so that he could have had those three missed years with his mom. So that there could've been those extra two years before Will went to med school where the five of the Halsteads would be a real family. Because, in a matter of hours, hell in a matter of minutes, the Halsteads would dwindle down to a family of four forever. And, then, when Will left to go back to New York, it would dwindle down to three, at least for the time being.

Damn it. He just wanted more time. More time with his mom. He'd give anything for just a little more time.

"Jay! Jay! How is she?" Will burst into the quiet hospital room looking more worse for wear than normal. He had just gotten off an eighteen-hour shift of his med school rotation when he had gotten the call from his dad to get to Chicago as soon as possible. He found the first available flight--not caring about cost--and left, not even glancing at the clothes he threw in a duffle bag.

"Shhh!" Jay hissed at his older brother. "She's sleeping. And, shouldn't you know from your fancy schooling that as long as those monitors are still beeping, that she's still alive? Or did you just get too drunk and not even study and leave me to deal with dad and a very distraught and scared Y/N?"

"Man, you know I stopped doing that once I started working long shifts at the hospital!" Will whisper-yelled, trying to keep his voice down.

Jay sighed. "I'm sorry. We can deal with this later."

"You said Y/N's scared. What's she actually doing?"

Jay swallowed, trying to hold back the tears of what you'd been asking him those last two and a half weeks. "Um, every morning when she wakes up, she asks me if Mom went to heaven when she's sleeping. And then- And then before she leaves for school, she tells me to tell Mom she loves her if I go to see her."

Will rubbed a hand down his face. He didn't know what to say. He knew he should've been in Chicago for his little brother and sister, but he hadn't been. And, he couldn't change the past now. And, he knew he couldn't stay in Chicago after the funeral. It was no use telling Jay and you that he could stay; it'd just be an empty promise.

"William," Amelia's hoarse and groggy voice broke through the silence.

Will rushed to the opposite side of the bed to grab his mom's hand, the one that had the pulse-ox on it. "Mom, I'm here. I'm here."

"I need to- I need to tell..."

"Here, Mom." Will held the water cup with a straw in front of his mom. "Drink a bit. Please."

Amelia obliged and listened to her oldest son. After all, he was going to be a doctor one day. And, she hoped a damn good one at that.

"Thank you, baby," she said once she had taken a few sips. "My ring."

"What about your wedding ring, Mom?" Jay prompted.

"It's not a race...but whoever finds...the right girl first...gets it."

"Mom, don't say that," Will choked out. "You'll be okay. Everything will be fine."

Jay wanted to scoff. Leave it to Will to say that. He wasn't the one sitting in the hospital every damn day just watching their mom deteriorate and waiting for the inevitable.

"But, I'm supposed to wait until Sunday," you told your dad as you entered the hospital room, clutching the present you had made in art class for Mother's Day.

"I think it's close enough. And, it'll make Mom super happy," your dad answered you.

You nodded, the clay heart clutched in your hand. "Will!"

"Hey, kiddo."

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too. Now, what about this mother's day present? Why don't you come over here and give it to mom?" God, he didn't know how he did it, how he talked to his little sister like this was just a normal day and their mom wasn't minutes away from leaving them forever. He thought that his time working in a hospital and watching doctors and nurses deliver devastating news to families might have something to do with it, though.

"Mom." You stood on your tip-toes so that you could fully see her since her bed was tipped so that she was in a semi-sitting position.

"Yes...baby?" she asked, her voice no more than a whisper.

"I made this for you. I'm supposed to give it to you on Sunday since that's when Mother's Day is, but Dad said I can give it to you now." You passed the ceramic heart which was painted a shade of lavender and had I love you, Mom carved into it in your messy third-grader handwriting. "Do you like it?"

"I love...it, baby...I'll...cherish it...forever."

"I love you, Mommy." You hadn't called her Mommy in years. But, you knew it always made her happy when you called her that. Maybe, this would make her feel happy.

"Where's...Dad?" she asked weakly.

"He had to go to the bathroom," you answered.

"I love...you...my three...babies."

The sound of the monitor flatlining filled the room. Jay let out an agonizing scream, one unlike you had ever heard before.

"No," Will sobbed. You'd never seen him do that before. He always tried to be the big brother who didn't cry. Both your big brothers did.

Will wanted to start chest compressions, but he knew they'd be no use.

"Mommy," you whispered, shaking her shoulder. You knew it was no use, but maybe, just maybe she'd wake up. "Mommy, come back. Please."

"She's gone, Y/N," Jay said. "She's not coming back."

"Jay!" Will yelled.

"She needs to know that! Mom's gone, dammit!"

Jay slid down the wall, his anger, sadness, frustration, all of it, getting the best of him and he cried. Sobs racked his body.

He heard whispering near him and vaguely made out that Will was telling you that Jay didn't mean to sound so mean. And, then, he felt a pair of little arms wrap around him.

"Jay Jay," you whispered.

And that just made Jay cry harder.

Will came over and joined the hug, all three of you sobbing.

You heard a gasp and the sound of someone running into the room. Then, you heard a blood-curdling scream, the sound of a husband losing his wife way too soon.

The ceramic heart you had made for your mom fell to the floor, finally becoming too heavy to stay put in her lifeless hand now that there was no grip left. It shattered into sharp, lavender pieces, much like your real hearts. Despite still beating, they may as well stop, too. Because, just like how that ceramic heart would never be whole again, without your mom, your heart would never be whole again either.

***

Jay's age: 24

Your age: 10

It had been about a year since your mom had died. Day by day everything was getting easier. But, a part of you was missing, and you'd come to accept that it'd never be filled. Jay moved out right after your mom died and you'd see him sometimes. He worked different hours now since he was a police officer. But, even if you wanted to watch one more movie with him at his apartment, he wouldn't let you and he'd never let you spend the night. He'd always bring you back home to your dad.

You were in bed, Beary laying next to you since you had let go of him in your sleep, when you were woken up by the sound of sirens.

You located Beary from beside you and walked out into the hallway. The light was on as you still didn't like it when you woke up to go to the bathroom and it was dark. So, you walked to your dad's bedroom and pushed to door open.

"Dad," you whispered as you placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hmmm?" he asked, opening his eyes. "What's wrong, honey?"

Since your mom died, you and your dad had grown a lot closer. You'd always watch hockey games with him and he'd come to every single one of your soccer games and take you out for a snack after. He always made sure he was home from work before it got too late so that he could help you with your homework and make sure you weren't scared of a thunderstorm at night. He was the dad that Will and Jay never had. He just hated that it took the death of his wife for him to become a better father.

"Why- Why are there police officers at Ben's house?"

"Police officers? At the Corsons?" your dad asked.

"Yeah, from my window I saw the flashing lights. What's going on?"

"Just give me a minute and we'll go see if they need anything, okay?" he asked, not knowing there was crime scene tape everywhere.

Once your dad was ready, you walked outside, holding tight to his hand and to Beary.

"Uh, yeah, tender-age male. From the looks of it raped and possible cause of death being asphyxiation."

You had no idea what anything he was saying meant, but you knew that Jay was the one who was talking. He was here! Maybe he'd know what was going on! And, maybe he'd know where Ben was, because, from the people around, you hadn't spotted Ben yet.

"Jay!" You let go of your dad's hand and ran towards him, ducking under the bright yellow crime scene tape.

"Shit," he muttered as he ran towards you, trying to block your best friend's body from your view.

But, he was too late.

"B-Ben?"

Jay grabbed you and pulled you close to him so that his body was blocking you from seeing the body any more than you already had. But, he knew that it was no use; the image of your best friend laying in the grass with a rope tied around his neck and duck tape on his mouth and wrists, pants on backward and shirt haphazardly threw on, would forever be etched in your mind.

"Ben!" you wailed.

"I'm gonna take her back to the house. You got it from here and I'll meet you back at the station?" you heard Jay say to who you assumed was his partner.

"Yeah, who is she?"

"My little sister. Kid was her best friend."

"Take as much time as you need, Halstead. I'll tell the sergeant that you might not be back tonight."

"Thank you."

Your dad stayed with Danny and Gail, while Jay brought you home.

"Do you want some water?" Jay asked quietly as you entered the house.

You shook your head. "What happened?"

"Maybe when you're older I can explain, okay?"

"So, he's with Mom now?" you asked, looking into his teary eyes.

"Yeah, he's with Mom now. She'll look after him." He pulled you into a hug. "I love you, kid. You're my favorite sister."

"I'm your only sister, Jay."

"That's why you're my favorite."

Jay took a deep breath as he held you tight. That could've easily been you laying on the ground instead of Ben.

After that night, any day that Jay didn't have to work in the mornings, he'd walk you to school. He did that for the rest of the year. He never told you why; he'd only say that he wanted to spend time with his little sister and sometimes he'd even bring you a donut. But, you knew it had something to do with Ben...and the fact that the person who hurt him had never been found.

You weren't supposed to know that information, but you figured it would've been on the news if they found the person who did it. After all, the case was on the news when it first happened.

Little did you and Jay know, that it would be three years until justice would be served and that Jay would almost lose his badge over it.

A/N: Hey, sorry this took me so long to post! It took me a while to write since most of the scenes were sad. Anyway, as I mentioned at the beginning, this will be a series, so look for the next installment! Those will be better because the age will be when Y/N's a teenager...and I write those a lot better than I do when I have to write times when Y/N is a kid.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to comment! It gives me so much motivation to continue writing!

[0littlestwolf0]

All that matters

Yandere! Percy Jackson

Ship: Yan!Percy Jackson x innocent/fragile reader

Warnings: Violence, over use of powers.

Requested by: @xxscreamingcolorxx

It started off innocently enough. Way too innocent for that matter, maybe that’s what ignited him.

You were just the new kid in the big apple, someone who just moved there because of your parent’s job, and like any teen would have, your mind started wandering off, imaginating all the possibilities, all the movies that could come true before your eyes!

As for him, it was just another year in yet the same school (something he was really grateful for), only the first day and he was already counting the days until he could return to camp, to his friends.

Annabeth.

The name stung him like a bee, scratch it, it felt more like an angry wasp, but he ignored it, she was the closest person he had, who could actually understand him, and hey, he did love her, maybe not in the way she did him but for all he knew that was it for everyone, maybe that’s why people say that friends end up falling in love, more like a ‘next step’ thing than actual love.

Was that even real though? He surely didn’t know, but he was comfortable with what he had, and that was good enough, so he tried to shrug the thoughts away and finished getting ready for his day.

Soon enough he was already in his seat, headphones blasting a playlist he had spent the night downloading from questionable websites, and his head between his hands, doing everything in his willpower not to start a mess.

Naturally he didn’t notice someone new entering the classroom, he tried to stay away from most others, and people didn’t really like him either, much of a troublemaker, they’d say.

His lack of social skills made sure you got a seat on your first day. But he didn’t look up as you seated, his senses did however, perk up at your perfume, some wildflower and another thing he couldn’t quite pinpoint, but it reminded him of camp, so he couldn’t help inhaling even deeper, he made the silent decision to start sitting near you.

And it could have been that way, you being your a scent he liked, just another person, but the fates had other plans, as did the first teacher, who didn’t waste a second on explaining the week project to be done in pairs.

His music was gone at this point, and he sighed, he didn’t like working on teams for school. Better yet, he didn’t like ending up with whoever else didn’t have a partner. Just then he felt a finger poking his arm, with a raised brow he turned to see you.

And your breath got stuck in your throat, he was probably one of the cutest boys you had ever seen, yet, his resting face (or so you hoped it was his resting face) looked just a combination between angry and dangerous. But you didn’t listen to your gut and talked “Would- uh... Sorry! I’m new and I was wondering if you’d like to partner up?”

Your voice had to be the sweetest thing, he was already starting to take a liking to you. You see, he isn’t the type of yandere to just get obsessed, it was your scent that drew him to you, yet, your willingness to spend time with him did make him feel better.

“Are you- Yeah, sure” he had to stop himself from pointing you to another person without a partner, not yet believing you’d want to partner up with him. But your enthusiasm changed his mind.

—

Before any of you knew, the day was over and you were waiting for him on your designated spot just outside the school, it didn’t take him long to reach you.

You saw his expression change as he crossed the glass doors, first a schooled glance to the floor, not allowing himself to even look at anybody else, you didn’t understand that, he didn’t look that strong but when you touched his arm you did feel hard muscle, then, why would he avoid trouble so much?

He didn’t seem to see you at first, but he did, trust me on that, he was just afraid of you changing your mind and would very much rather if you just left than the direct confrontation, but he couldn’t understand why, why the idea of you turning your back of him turned him inside out.

But of course you didn’t, you approached him with the sweetest smile on your face and stood right in front of him “Hey!” He couldn’t hold a smile at your voice, you just sounded so eager “Should we go to the library?” Were you always this eager? No, that seemed impossible, maybe you were just happy to be with him, that certainly made his smile bigger

“Uh- I mean- Sure” he was nervous, which made him want to laugh his ass off, sure he could fight gods and monsters but send a pretty girl his way and he’d stutter “I mean, I was actually thinking we could do it on the park” he finally added, the park was a bit far, but if there were any monsters he’d be able to deflect them easily on an open place rather than a dead-quiet-library.

“Yeah! Sounds good to me!” You agreed with a sweet smile and allowed him to lead the way “Just help me with the whole getting back thing, I still don’t really know the city” he nodded eagerly, almost as much as you had before, it was an excuse to spend more time with you.

Now this didn’t concern him as cheating or misleading Annabeth, for he didn’t think you’d like him, you see, he doesn’t seem to find himself as someone most girls, especially girls like you, would feel attracted t him, so even if he felt the this growing killer bees on his stomach every time he saw you, nothing would ever happen.

You walked with him through numerous streets, he took advantage of your lack of knowledge and took you through the long path, he didn’t even notice that he’d done that at first, but you were just so engrossed on your retelling of that X-Men movie, that he wanted to hear you talk like that for hours, suddenly, you stopped, your head held down “I’m sorry, I just get a bit excited sometimes” that sobered him “No, no, it’s okay, please continue, I really want to know what happened to this Logan dude after that”

You blushed but tried to hide it with a laugh, still looking down “It’s okay, I know I can talk a lot, and it might be stressing” you added, it was your attempt to stop yourself from boring the first friend you made on that school, but it made his blood boil, people just didn’t understand you fucked up the world was, fighting every day against monsters, losing friends on the way, and how amazing it was to hear stories from someone like you, someone without the blood that he had in his hands.

“Well, I like it, and I really need more context, so the future isn’t the future then? He just changed it and that’s that?” He understood the story, but sometimes making an easy question was the easiest way to make others talk.

And you went on, you arrived to the park and sat on a desk with him, taking your supplies and started working on the project, you were open, and gave ideas, still never shut any of his, you asked for his opinion every step of the way and used almost every idea he had.

That made him feel warm, you were most likely the first person to trust his ideas and hear him without a scowl or a frown, he couldn’t understand how would anyone shut you down when you talked? Every time you looked down and scratched your arm he noticed you were stopping yourself from over sharing.

Why would anyone hurt you like that? He just wanted names, they didn’t deserve someone like you in their lives, not one bit, they deserved to suffer for making you ashamed of your words. It surprised him, really, that rage boiling inside him, and how soon it’d be gone as soon as you smiled back at him.

And then it happened, a manticore loose in the park, running around and tearing people apart, he saw the moment your instinct kicked in, you could see through the mist.

He took Riptide from his pocket and stood up, but you grabbed his arm and pulled him down, holding a finger to your lips “Don’t” was everything you said, and he gulped, maybe you did care about him a little, his mind started wandering, maybe you felt as connected to him as he did you, he wanted to nod and stay with you under the table, to keep you from danger, but the only way he knew was by killing it.

“Please” you pleased “it’s going to hurt you” he laughed humorlessly, “Not my first rodeo” was all he said as a smirk took over his mouth and winked your way, maybe he also wanted to show off a little.

It was weird, he had never wanted to show off before.

But oh well, the manticore was closing in as soon as it’s nostrils flared up with the demigod scent on him, he needed to stop thinking and start moving, natural talent and years of training in camp made it easy for him, more like a dance than a battle, not that he’d ever been good at dancing, but you get the idea.

A move to the left, an angry manticore to the right, sarcastic comment out about how bad the sun had treated the manticore’s skin and a “you should really get some moisturizer for that crack in your skin” and proceeded to stab it directly on the belly as the manticore jumped.

And he laughed, allowing the rest of adrenaline to leave him, after getting so worked up with thoughts of people hurting your feelings, killing something felt really good. Maybe too good.

He turned to look at you, and his stomach dropped, your throat was being held tightly, lifting you ever so slightly from the floor by an empusai, were monsters working together now?

Of course it would happen to him, out of all demigods in New York.

Now he realized, his blood hadn’t been boiling before, but it was now, burning his very skin from the inside, the empusai giggled and he gave a step closer, then you were struggling again “Now, now, one more move and your pet dies”

Pet? Oh now it was personal, he didn’t understand his blind rage, maybe by an outside point of view, you had reminded him of what light was, even with the ability to see monsters you saw the good in people, that much he realized from your speech about Magneto being just misunderstood.

Maybe you weren’t as innocent as he once thought but you still tried hard enough to make conversation with him, you even tried in your way to keep him safe, and now, everything he’d seen was good and worth saving was being threatened.

It didn’t took him a word, just a small move from his left hand to the side, and now it was the empusai’s blood that boiled, literally, she started crying, he didn’t stop, all the fluids in her body boiled now, and started moving inside her, desfigurating her, she screamed and let you go, he didn’t stop.

You ran to him and he threw Riptide to the ground, instantly feeling the (now lesser) weight of a pen settling on his pocket, with his now free arm he grabbed you by the showlders and held you to him.

“Don’t look” he warned, grabbing now your head and pulling it to his shoulder, one last move of his left hand to the right and the empusai’s blood chocked her to death, streaming down her ears, nostrils and eyes, her mouth forever set on a silent scream as she fell to her knees and finally turned into ichor.

Just then did he allow himself to fully hold you, his arms wrapped tightly around your as your heavy breath tickled the side of his neck, your arms wrapped just as tightly around his waist.

He realized with guilt that you were shaking, you were probably scared of him now “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” he repeated in a whisper against your hair, unable to let you go.

“No” you shut him and separated your body from his by merely centimeters, his stomach dropped “I’m okay, you’re okay, that’s all that matters” you said grabbing his face, forcing his wandering eyes to stay still on yours “Survival of the fittest, right?” You joked and he allowed a worried breath to leave his body, you weren’t treating him like a freak.

He nodded and you hugged him again, just as tightly, he still felt you shiver every once in a while.

I’m okay, you’re okay, that’s all that matters,

I’m okay, you’re okay, that’s all that matters,

I’m okay, you’re okay, that’s all that matters.

He repeated in his head over and over like a mantra.

You were too good for this world, and if that evening showed him anything was that monsters were probably going to come for you at some point, and he wouldn’t let them get even a step close.

He promised himself then and there that no one would ever harm you, monster or otherwise. After all, the gods owed him, he could get his way this once.

[collecting-stories]

Cardigan - Rafe Cameron

Request: heyy for the ts anthology, can u do one for cardigan with rafe? love ur writing🤍 

TS Anthology Series | Outer Banks Masterlist

_ . ◦ ⭐︎:*.☾.*:⭐︎◦∙._

The summer you turned thirteen was the same summer your dad showed up again. Driving the same lemon of a car that he’d pulled out of the driveway in when you were six, he looked like he hadn’t aged. Or maybe you just didn’t remember him all that well because his face felt the same but you were different. When you missed your best friend’s birthday, a trip to the gymnastics gym on the mainland and a towering cake with fondant replicas of all her favorite things, she was rightly pissed.  

Thirteen felt monumental, like the movie the two of you had snuck onto your mom’s Verizon bill, and you had both made a pact that you would be there for each other no matter what. That promise included birthdays and, more seriously, dads who showed up after seven years of radio silence because they didn’t want to “miss anything else”. But you didn’t mention your dad because hers was so great and you felt a little like you were floating on an island and no one could understand you enough to reach it. But then you missed her birthday and she swore not to speak to you and that felt more crushing than the dad thing until her brother stepped in. Always the one playing referee in when you fought, Rafe was a few years older and, in your mind, a lot smarter.  

It felt pretty important that an older boy would make the time to talk to you, especially when he had to know that his sister was avoiding you at all costs. He’d just gotten his permit and, like any good brother, showed up in the car he wasn’t supposed to drive with a minor in the passenger seat, to take you around the island for the afternoon.  

“My mom said she thinks we’re gonna move.” You mentioned, less casually than you would’ve hoped. The windows in the truck were rolled down and you had your legs up, feet placed precariously on the window ledge. There was a particularly nasty bruise on your knee from falling off your skateboard three days ago and a few short hairs you’d missed shaving. You were relatively new to both shaving and skateboarding so there were bound to be mistakes, you just wished they were less visible.  

“Off the island?” Rafe asked, concern etched into his tone. You assumed the concern was for his sister, what would Sarah do if you moved? Who would put up with all her antics?

You shook your head, “to the cut.”

“Why?”

“She can’t afford the house on her own anymore and my dad has been lousy with child support.” You repeated back all the things she had said to you. Why she didn’t take him to court like the other kid in your grade with divorced parents was beyond you. Rose told her that it was the only way to ensure he paid what he was supposed to but she hadn’t been able to bring herself to hold him accountable.  

Can’t believe you’re gonna be a pogue.” He said it like it meant something worse than you moving to the mainland.

“It’s not forever. My grandma’s house is there, we’re gonna stay with her until we can get back up on our feet.” You shrugged, “at least my dad’ll stay away then.”

But you dad wasn’t the only one who kept their distance. It felt like the distinction over your mother’s life choices held a greater impact on your friends than they had let on. A year into pogue life and Rafe seemed to disappear almost completely. It had always been an odd kind of friendship in the first place but you’d thought that it could’ve withstood a change in address.  

Sarah kept in touch, unbothered by labels or mailing addresses. She’d been to your grandma’s a hundred times before you moved and she continued to go there to see you after. The two of you played in the backyard, doing tricks on the trampoline until gossiping about kids at school became more important than cartwheels. You’d lay there whispering as if someone might overhear, telling each other stories from the week that you were separated. Rafe always came to pick her up, staying in the car and honking the horn for her but never coming over to see you.  

It felt a little lonely even though you technically retained most of your friends.  

-

In tenth grade you got the role of Eponine in the teen camp production of Les Miserables that the local theatre was putting on. You were technically sharing the role with another girl your age but you couldn’t help being excited nonetheless. The boy playing Marius was in two of your classes, a senior who had lofty city dreams and a nice smile. He flirted almost constantly with you, brushing your hair back, telling you how pretty you were, inviting you out after practice. You told Sarah you were “pretty sure” you were on your way to having your first real boyfriend.  

But maybe the ominous casting of Eponine over your life should’ve been hint enough that things weren’t destined to work out that way. The boy who played Marius had an actual girlfriend, home from vacationing with her family in time to watch her boyfriend on stage, and you were supposed to accept that he was just “connecting to the character” when he was with you. Either way, your On My Own struck a different chord in you and after the show was over you didn’t join the other cast members in the lobby to greet people.  

“So when you get to New York...do I get to leak all those videos of you and Sarah doing your Genie in a Bottle routine?” Rafe asked, pulling a chair next to you at the makeup table. Yours was halfway off but you’d stopped scrubbing at your face to stare at yourself in the mirror. Self-pity was a powerful procrastinator.

“You’re supposed to be in the lobby.” You pointed out, ignoring his comment, “I look like a ghost raccoon that just climbed out of a dumpster.  

“Now there’s an analogy.” He laughed and picked up the cotton pads you had sitting on the counter, soaking one in micellar water and turning your head to face him.  

You bit your bottom lip as you tried to keep your composure. It’d been a while since you and Rafe had been alone and last time he was just your best friend’s cute older brother. Too old for you and way out of your league but you were fifteen now and seventeen didn’t feel so far away.  

But Sarah was your best friend and she would be mortified if she found out that you had even entertained the idea of her brother, let alone had serious thoughts about it.  

“I’m sorry,” you said as he swiped the cotton pad over your cheek.

“What for?”  

“I know we’re all supposed to go out tonight for dinner but I kinda just wanna go home.” You replied.  

“Sarah might’ve let it slip about-”

You groaned, “don’t even say his name.” You weren’t sure if it was embarrassment at having let yourself totally believe he liked you but hearing Rafe bring it up made you feel even worse.

“Hey, you’re so much better than that loser,” He insisted, “I’ll beat the crap outta him though, just say the word.”

-

It was that same year, just as school was ending, that you turned sixteen. A short stay in the cut at your grandma’s house had helped your mom get back on her feet. A new job, better than the one that let her go, afforded a moderately sized house back on Figure Eight and a birthday with all the friends that had left the two of you behind.  

Sixteen felt a little more important than thirteen had, especially because, for two whole weeks, time suspended and you were technically only a year younger than Rafe. You still hadn’t told Sarah that you liked her brother, though she did seem a little suspicious when the crush on your co-star dissipated almost overnight. The boys of the past had no hold over your growing infatuation with Rafe. Maybe it was foolish but you couldn’t help thinking that maybe it wasn’t.  

Especially not when he showed up at your house the same way he had when you were thirteen, though this time he had his actual license and not just a permit. He told you it was birthday drive around the island, that he was in charge of stalling you while Sarah set up a surprise party at your house.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to tell me that it’s a surprise.” You teased, sipping at the iced coffee that Rafe had brought you when he picked you up. You swished the ice around once before sipping again.  

“It’s a party either way.” Rafe replied, shrugging his shoulder.  

“So, we’re just driving around until she texts you?” You asked. Rafe turned into the Island Club, circling the parking lot once and then turning back around.  

“I’m yours until Sarah says otherwise.” He said, the words erupting butterflies in your stomach. You could practically feel yourself heat up thinking about what those words could mean if he wasn’t just your best friend’s brother.  

“Well...then do you wanna go to the beach?” You suggested, “Jaxon showed me this really cool spot on the south side that’s practically hidden.”

“Jaxon?” Rafe sounded judgmental when he said the other boy’s name, whether he meant to or not.  

“Yea, we’ve been on a couple dates. You know him, he took me to prom,” you supplied, thinking of the way Rafe had sulked on the staircase while you and Sarah had gotten your pictures taken on the front lawn of Tanney Hill. The last picture in the bunch, despite his sulkiness, was of you and Rafe. You’d asked and he had obliged, coming down onto the porch to take a picture with you before everyone left for the dance.  

It was your favorite picture, even more than the countless ones of you and Sarah or the few of you and Jaxon. He was just a place holder anyway, someone to take your mind off the thing you couldn’t have. Not that it was working, especially when you were driving around with Rafe at the moment.  

“I remember him.” Rafe replied, “so this special part of the beach?”

“It’s so pretty.” You confirmed, “Sarah and I went there a couple weeks ago but she only ever wants to sunbathe.”  

“Don’t say it like you’re surprised.” He said, pulling his car off to the side of the road when you told him to.  

You were out of the car first, letting the door fall shut behind you as you headed up the wooden ramp to the beach. The drop off at the top was a little steeper here than anywhere else, the beach mostly desolate. You stopped at the top of the walkway, turning back to wait for Rafe. He was standing at the bottom of the ramp staring up at you.  

“Are you coming up or what?” You called.  

“Yeah,” he nodded, walking up the path to you.  

“I know Sarah’s planning a big birthday for me, but I’d much rather have this...” you admitted, “just like, coming out to the beach with you...”  

“Oh yeah?” He asked, grinning down at you.  

“Don’t tell Sarah,” you joked, “she’ll be mad-”

“Why, cause I’m your favorite Cameron?”

Maybe it was being sixteen or maybe it was that you were feeling particularly bold, out here on the beach with just Rafe, no threat of prying eyes to interrupt you. Either way, you had been thinking about telling him for a while now and it felt like the time...even if getting rejected ran the risk of ruining your birthday.  

“I know I’m just Sarah’s best friend but...I really like you Rafe.” You said, “and I know it’s like a million to one that you like me back but I just felt like I would explode if I didn’t tell you.” You waited a beat for him to say something and when he didn’t you kept talking, “Sorry, I know this is so weird-”

“It’s not weird.” Rafe cut you off, “I’m just shocked that you seriously think I only see you as Sarah’s best friend.” His tone was teasing as he brushed a piece of hair behind your ear and cupped your cheek. “You’re so much more than that.”

-

It was Sarah who told you, days before your eighteenth birthday. She’d seen Rafe with someone else when her family took a weekend trip out to Chapel Hill to see a game. There was a girl there, hanging all over her brother. He swore she was just a friend, told Sarah not to tell you, but Sarah wasn’t dumb and she wouldn’t help her brother cover up an indiscretion. So she told you flat out that her brother was cheating on you.  

When Sarah first found out that you and Rafe were dating, she had been as mad as her thirteenth birthday. How could you go behind her back and date her brother? The anger dissipated slowly, over the course of the summer it became clear that were not going to leave her in the dust for Rafe. She wasn’t wholly supportive of the relationship but she was supportive of you and if Rafe was who you wanted to be with than she’d be happy for you.  

But if she had to choose, it would always be you over Rafe.  

“I didn’t want to tell you, I really thought about not saying anything but...you deserve to know.” It was the justification she used as your face fell, all the giddiness from planning your eighteenth birthday fading in the blink of an eye.  

“He cheated?” And it felt like a punch to the gut. “Are you sure?”

“He said she was just a friend but...I don’t hang on my friends like that.” Sarah remarked.  

You fiddled with the phone in your lap, Sarah’s comments turning over in your head. You could refute them, tell her that you’d just talked to him the night before and he told you how excited he was to see you, how much he loved you. He’d used the word love...that had to mean something right? You could call him, ask him straight away if he was actually cheating, but you suspected that he would only lie to you. And if he wasn’t cheating, if he did tell the truth, would you believe him? Sarah was your best friend and once she had planted the seeds of doubt in you, they seemed to flourish there.  

You didn’t say anything else about it to Sarah that night and when Rafe called to talk, like he always did, you pretended that everything was fine. But that could only last for so long. A week before your party, on the same special part of the beach that Rafe had first kissed you, things ended. Rafe had sworn to Sarah that the girl at school was just a friend but he couldn’t lie to you, and he didn’t try to either.  

“It was a mistake,” he insisted, as if it was the type of thing you could brush off.  

“But you still made it.” You replied.  

“I didn’t mean to.” Rafe didn’t have any good reasons for why he had cheated on, only that he had and that, since you now knew, he was apologetic. “I don’t even talk to that girl anymore. She meant nothing to me.”

“Obviously she meant more than we did.”  

Rafe had been it for you for a long time. He seemed so out of your league and you had thought a million times that you would’ve done anything for him. He was the ideal for everything that you wanted and for a while, when you had it, had him, it had felt like a dream. But now you were waking up to reality and it wasn’t a sunset on the beach.  

“I love you.” He said it like it was something you were neglecting to remember.  

“Not enough.”  

[tobesolonely]

never have i ever

summary: y/n and harry go on a camping trip, but things don’t go according to plan

a/n: thank u for reading! please reblog/leave feedback if you enjoy! its very encouraging to me :’)

warnings: smut <33 18+ please! mentions of alcohol/drinking as well

word count: ~4k

my ko-fi! thank you :)

Never in your life did you think you'd ever agree to do something as outdoorsy as camping, yet all it took was Harry asking you very sweetly one time, and you immediately agreed. You'd never been one to spend an excessive amount of time with nature. You loved a good sunrise and sunset, just like most people. Sometimes you'd even wake up early and go on a sunrise hike with Harry if he promised to make you breakfast once you were finished. Occasionally, you'd go on walks and runs with him, and spend some time down at the beach. That was the extent of the outdoor activities you'd partake in, though. However, Harry had the grand idea to go camping for the weekend as he had a bit of time off, and this was something he'd been talking about wanting to do for a while.

"Don't you wanna be one with nature? Help me pitch a tent? Get your hands a lil' dirty?" He asked you when you started having second thoughts about going with him, the idea of sleeping on the hard ground inside a small tent a major turn off.

"I mean, I can think of better ways to spend my weekend," you tell him, stirring the pot of soup you were making on the stove. It's the night before you were supposed to leave, and Harry already had the car packed, way too excited to wait any longer. "You know I always get the worst bug bites."

"That's what bug spray is for!" he tells you cheerily, snaking his arms around your waist and placing a wet kiss to your neck. "C'mon, Y/N. I promise it'll be worth it."

You sink into Harry's kisses, feeling wobbly in your knees as it was one of your most sensitive spots— and he knew that. "I suppose it'd be nice to get out of the city for a bit. Jus' me and you, yeah?" You didn't want anyone else to see how out of your element you were in the outdoors as you found it to be a little embarrassing. Harry hums, placing more open mouth kisses on your skin.

"Just me," he pauses to kiss you. "You," another kiss. "And the birds ‘n the bees." You blush, choosing to ignore his sexual innuendo.

"I guess it's too late to back out now, especially since you already took it upon yourself to pack a suitcase for me," you tell him, rolling your eyes and turning off the stove. "I'll give it a try, Harry. Besides, it's only a weekend, yeah? What could possibly go wrong?"

⋆⋆⋆

As it turns out, many, many things could go wrong during a weekend-long camping trip.

Harry told you that you didn't need to pull up directions because he knew where he was going, but you quickly realized that your stubborn boyfriend was hopelessly lost. "I don't think we're heading in the right direction, darling," you informed him from the passenger seat, opening up the Maps app on your phone. "You're positive you don't want me to give you directions? No shame in admitting you're lost."

Harry mutters under his breath, squinting his eyes to look at the freeway signs. He sighs, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. "Think I missed m'bloody exit," he tells you, clearly growing frustrated. "Can yeh tell me where 'm supposed to be, love? I think once I figure out the exit, we'll be good."

You and Harry were choosing to not venture too far out of Los Angeles, but far enough so you would be able to enjoy your time together without prying paparazzi. For this reason, he settled on a spot known to be a little more remote, about 50 miles north of downtown. Once you pull up the directions on your phone, your suspicions are confirmed. Harry was headed in the complete opposite direction, and he missed the exit nearly ten miles back. "Yeah, you're gonna need to take the next exit you see, and then we have to go back in the opposite direction. Just about ten miles too far."

"Ten miles? Lemme see tha'," he holds his hand out for your phone and pulls the car over on the freeway's side, turning on his hazards. "Huh, you're right. How'd we miss that, babe?"

"We missed it because you insisted you didn't need directions," you remind him, exasperated. "I'm from here, and I don't even know how we're supposed to get there!" Harry laughs, re-emerging onto the freeway.

"I guess I should've just let you read me the directions, huh? Don't worry, we'll be there soon. S'what? Ten miles? We'll be there in twenty minutes."

However, twenty minutes quickly turned into forty when you found yourselves stuck in the morning commute traffic. Harry fiddles with the radio as you go 5 miles per hour (on the freeway!), trying not to let the infamous Los Angeles traffic get him down. Although you were a bit behind the schedule he'd created, it was still only 7:30 am. You had the whole day ahead of you, and he couldn't wait to get you out in the wilderness and teach you how to pitch a tent and make the perfect s'more."

Eventually, you make it to the campgrounds. You had to admit that it was absolutely beautiful— tall, looming pine trees, snow-capped mountains, picnic tables, patches of even ground you figured would be perfect to set up the tent on, and even a couple outhouses. Harry gives you a smug look when he sees your awestruck face, glad that he was the first to show you something from your own city.

"It's beautiful up here, innit? So peaceful. Looks like we're here by ourselves too," he gestures towards the empty campgrounds. "Nice and private."

You nod, unbuckling your seatbelt as Harry puts the car in park. "I'm already feelin' more relaxed," you joke, opening the door and stepping out to stretch your stiff limbs. "Should we walk around and take a peek at everything before we get ourselves set up?"

"Yeah, s'good idea," he gets out of the car himself and walks around to you, grabbing your hand. "Maybe we can go hiking later? Hear there's a nice little waterfall somewhere around here. Would love to see that." You hum in agreement, walking along the dry ground, leaves crunching under your feet.

"That sounds nice. I can't believe I've never been here," you tell him incredulously, swinging your hands. "It's so gorgeous. And is it just me, or is the air here like, super crisp?" Harry chuckles, nodding in agreement.

"I don't think it's just you, poppet. We're finally away from all that L.A. smog, can take some nice, deep breaths. This will be great for m'asthma." You laugh, and a comfortable silence falls between you. Occasionally, Harry will say, "Look at tha' bird!" or "That's the biggest tree 've seen in my life!" but you walk in silence, for the most part, enjoying each other's company.

"Do you think we should turn back?" you ask your boyfriend, stopping to look back in the direction you came from. "We've been walkin' for a minute. I don't think we should venture too far from the car." You were starting to grow tired and weren't in the right shoes for walking much longer.

"Yeah, let's get back and get that tent set up. Also gettin' kind of hungry," Harry tells you, turning you back around in the direction you'd come from. "How's tea and eggs sound?"

⋆⋆⋆

"Harry, you've got to be fuckin' kidding me!"

"Y/N, I swear I packed it! It has to be somewhere in here!"

"We've emptied out the entire car, Harry!"

Upon returning to the campsite, your boyfriend was excited to get the tent out of the car, so you could "really get this camping trip started," as he said. Yet, when he went in the trunk of his car to retrieve the tent, it was nowhere to be found. Neither one of you panicked at first, figuring he might've squeezed it in the backseat instead, as the trunk was pretty full. It wasn't there, either. Now, your suitcases and cooler was laid out around the car, but the tent was nowhere to be found. He runs his fingers in frustration through his hair, tapping his foot while he contemplates calling one of his assistants and asking her to bring it to him.

"Harry, don't make her do that. You already told her she could have the weekend off. It's not her fault you forgot it," you scold, digging your shoe's toe into the dirt. "We can just sleep in the car."

"That's so uncomfortable," he mewls, placing your suitcases back into the car. "Maybe we should just go home. We're not off to a very good start, maybe it's a sign?"

"No way, H. I've already called off work to come here with you, we're staying," you insist, reaching back into the car to grab the electric tea kettle you've bought. "Let's get a little breakfast in our stomachs and then go see that waterfall, how's that sound?" Harry gives you a reluctant look but agrees, reaching in the cooler to grab the carton of eggs you've brought along. He grabs the small skillet, albeit your favorite one that you told him not to bring here, and grabs a small charcoal bag to light the grill.

"Have yeh got a lighter on ya?" Harry asks, walking over to the small grill beside the picnic table. You raise your eyebrows at him.

"Me? You didn't ask me to bring it! Are you telling me we can't even light the grill now?" You couldn't believe everything that could go wrong on your camping trip was going wrong, but now it seemed like you wouldn't even be able to prepare hot meals for the next two days.

"Yes, I did, Y/N," Harry argues back calmly, not wanting to raise his voice. "Remember? I bought that long one so it would be easier to use. Said, 'Babe, make sure yeh grab the lighter off the counter.'" You think for a moment and then shake your head, sure Harry did, in fact, not tell you to grab the lighter, and he was just trying to push the blame to you.

"Now what? We can't cook the meat or vegetables all because you couldn't remember to bring the lighter," you tell him sharply, feeling yourself growing more annoyed by the second. You were incredibly frustrated because you weren't keen on the idea of camping in the first place, but you came along anyway, not expecting so many things to go wrong.

Harry closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath, a thing he does every time things start getting heated between the two of you because he hates fighting. "Well, it's at home, and there's not much we can do about it, so 'm sorry for pointin' fingers at you. Did we bring anything we can snack on that doesn't require cooking?" You rummage around in the cooler and find a box of cheese, some cold cuts, a loaf of french bread, and a couple bottles of wine.

"Hows some cheese, bread, and meat sound? We can make little sandwiches," you tell him, pulling out the food. "Maybe some wine?"

Harry chuckles, walking over to you. "Y/N, it's not even 10 am."

"We're on vacation, aren't we?"

He shrugs, walking over to you to grab the bottle of wine. You grab plates, napkins, and a sheet you bought to double as a tablecloth, laying it out atop the picnic table. "'M actually starving," he calls to you from beside the car, reaching to grab two wine glasses. "Can't wait to eat this."

You cut into the loaf of french bread and cheese and add slices of salami and ham, quickly assembling mini sandwiches for you and Harry. "These look good, don't they?" you ask him, half teasing, half-serious. You hand him his sandwich, and he grins, grabbing it from you.

"Looks delicious, Y/N, thank you. Cheers," he gently taps his sandwich against yours, and you both take big bites, moaning at your first taste of food all day. "Want some wine now?" He asks, pouring you each full glasses. He slides the glass in front of you and you grab it, taking a long sip.

"S'good. Where'd you get this one from?" you question, taking another bite from your sandwich.

"Italy," he responds sheepishly, tasting it himself. "I know how to pick a bottle of wine, don't I?"

You giggle at your boyfriend's subtle bragging, continuing to eat your breakfast. You realized that there was no way you and Harry could comfortably spend the whole weekend here camping. You'd most likely have to call it quits before it got dark. However, you were still glad you'd get to spend time with your boyfriend outdoors, eating "emergency sandwiches" and sipping on a 500 dollar bottle of wine.

⋆⋆⋆

"Never have I ever had a one night stand," you say loudly, giggling in the process. You and Harry were both absolutely plastered, having already finished one bottle of wine and working on the second. You've decided to play a good old fashioned game of Never Have I Ever, and it was getting more raunchy the drunker the two of you became. Harry narrows his eyes at you and takes a swig out of the bottle of wine, shaking his head.

"You already know 've had one because I've told yeh about it before, yeh lil' cheater," he exclaims, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Here's one. Never have I ever shagged in the backseat of a car." You choke on your wine, widening your eyes at him.

"You actually think I've done that? How kinky do you think I am?" you smack him on his arm, laughing at his ridiculous statement. Harry doesn't say anything, running his finger along the rim of his wine glass.

"Here's a more specific one," he leans closer to you, and you can smell the wine on his warm breath. "Never have I ever shagged in the back of my car, in the middle of the woods, while on a camping trip with my girlfriend." His hand goes to rest on your thigh, and you swallow thickly.

"Thought you wanted to go see that waterfall?" you ask him, your words jumbling together slightly. Harry turns to face you, so his legs are on either side of the bench, and he pulls you closer to him by your waist.

"Don't care much for the waterfall when 've got a beautiful woman sat in front of me," he blurts, sucking on the underside of your jaw.

"What d'you want then?" you challenge, tilting your head slightly, so Harry is better positioned to place kisses to your jaw.

"Want you," he responds simply, grabbing your hand and placing it over his growing bulge. "Y'know how wine gets me goin', love." You hum in agreement, palming him through his trousers.

"I know," you respond breathlessly, pulling away from him to down the rest of your wine. "Why don't we go to the car then?" Harry gives you a surprised look, a dopey smile on his face.

"So we're really doin' this then?" He asks, standing up from the picnic table and holding his hand out for you to grab.

"No one's around, why not?" You knew that your sexual boldness came from all the wine you'd consumed, but at that moment, you didn't think there was anything you wanted more in the world than your boyfriend's cock down your throat. "Need to taste you." Harry groans, leading you hastily toward the car. You both stumble to get there in your intoxicated stupor but make it in one piece, giggling and clinging onto one another.

"After you, m' lady," he opens the backseat and curtsies, causing you to both erupt into a fit of giggles. You clamber into the backseat, scooting all the way to the other side so Harry could climb in after you. He shuts the door, and you sit in silence for a minute, catching your breaths. "Tight squeeze back here, yeah?"

"Yeah," you readjust your body, so your back is against the door, and your legs are over Harry's lap. "How are we gonna do this?"

Harry's quirks an eyebrow at you, undoing the button on his pants. "Yeh really wanna just straight into it, don't yeh, minx?" You nod, readjusting your position, so you're now on your knees, having to crane your neck slightly, so you're not hitting the car's roof.

"Let me taste you," you offer, seeing his hard cock straining to get out the confines of his tight clothing. He wordlessly nods and lifts his hips, tugging his pants down to his mid-thigh. He's not as hard as he can get, maybe due to the amount of wine he's consumed, but you know he's nearly there. You reach over to grab him, hands shaking slightly. "Can't believe we're doing this in the middle of the woods. Makes it even hotter, though."

Harry's head falls against the back seat's headrest as you flick your tongue out to capture the drop of pre-cum that was beginning to run down the side of his head. "Take me in y' mouth, Y/N. What are yeh waiting for?"

You place your hands on his thighs and lower your mouth onto his cock, taking him almost entirely in your warm mouth. Harry lets out a loud groan, not even bothering to quiet his sounds of pleasure since he knew no one was anywhere nearby. You come back up for air and lick your lips, giving him a sultry look. "You mean like that?" Harry grips the back of your head and roughly pushes you back down onto him, not in the mood for your teasing.

"Don't be cheeky now, lovie," he warns, bucking his hips up roughly to fuck your mouth. "Yeh want me to help you cum later, don't yeh?" You moan around his cock, not wanting to answer him, so you don't break the rhythm you were going at. As your sex life with Harry grew more adventurous throughout your relationship, you've only gotten better at deepthroating him, able to get him close to his orgasm in minutes. You always joked between the two of you that giving him head was one of your greatest talents, and of course, he never disagreed with that sentiment. You come up from his cock to take another breath, inhaling deeply through your nostrils. Harry immediately pushes you back down onto him without saying anything. He begins thrusting into you with even more vigor than before, and you know he's almost there. "Y/N, 'm gonna cum—"

You pull off Harry's mouth with a loud plop!, lifting up your dress and shoving your underwear to the side. "Can I ride you?" you ask sweetly, already situating yourself over him. Your boyfriend nods, completely flustered from being pushed so close to his orgasm, and then denied the opportunity to cum.

"S'course," he answers with a shaky breath. "C'mere." He grabs your waist and guides you onto his length, helping you sink down slowly. You rest your head on his shoulder, feeling him deep within you. Every ridge, every pulse, the warmth— it makes you feel completely feral. "That's a good girl, Y/N. Takin' my cock like it's nothing, aren't yeh? This is easy for you, hmm?"

You nod against his shoulder, starting to bounce around slowly on him. "So easy, H. Fit inside me so well," you moan, squeezing your eyes shut. "Feels fuckin' incredible, stretchin' me out like this." Harry squeezes onto your sides, leaving bruises in the shapes of his fingers. Harry places a kiss against his lips, slipping his tongue into your mouth.

"You like tha', Y/N? Such a dirty girl, lettin' me fuck ya in the back of my car like this. Kinky lil' thing, you are, pet," he mutters, thrusting his hips up as you slam yourself down to meet him. You nod, moving your hips in a gyrating motion.

"Love it, H. Fuckin' into me so well, fuck," you let out a particularly loud cry when Harry repositions you slightly, hitting your g-spot int he new position he has you in. "Don't stop please, keep going." You urge your boyfriend, throwing your head back. It's incredibly hot in the car, and you realize that maybe you should've cracked open a few windows before starting, but there was no way you're going to stop now to tell him that, not when you were this close.

"Y/N, I'm gonna cum," he cries out, his breathing becoming labored. "Let me have yeh in another position, please, 'm so fuckin' close."

"There's no room," you choke out, squeezing down on him. Harry moans loudly, muttering a quiet "shit" under his breath. He lifts you off of him and lays you down across the backseat, bending your knees up to your chest while he situates himself in between your legs. It's cramped and uncomfortable and hot, but you're so close, just a few thrusts away from reaching your high.

"Put your legs over my shoulders," he demands, resting on hand on the car's headrest while the other grips your breast. You nod and place your legs on either side of his shoulders, now being able to feel him in a completely different way. He re-enters you, so much deeper than before, and you swear you see stars. "Fuckin' hell, Y/N. Love your tight pussy, babe. All fo' me, yeah?"

"All for you, baby," you cry, gripping onto his broad shoulders. "'M gonna cum now, let me cum." You're a begging, writhing mess beneath him, squeezing down on his cock.

"Do tha' again," he asks, his rhythm becoming sloppy and hurried, just wanting to get the two of you off. "I'm almost there too, babe, squeeze 'round my cock again like you just did."

You clench around Harry and he lets his head hang, squeezing onto your breast even harder. "'M cummin', Y/N," he announces immediately before releasing inside you, his warm load coating your spongy walls. Your bite your lip and squeeze around him again, the coil in your abdomen becoming tighter as you quickly approach your peak shortly after he reaches his. You know Harry is exhausted, but he doesn't stop, never wanting to leave you hanging. He reaches in between your bodies and rubs quick circles on your clit with the hand that's gripping the headrest and flicks your nipples with the other hand. "Come on, love. Can feel how close you are, I know you're nearly there."

Harry spanks your clit while increasing his speed, and your eyes roll into the back of your head, your vision going hazy. You feel like you're underwater— his voice sounds muffled and a little far away, and that's how you know the orgasm was good. Your eyes are still shut, and you feel him slowly pull out, trying not to get his seed all over the backseat of his car. After coming down from your high, you open your eyes, a blissed-out smile on your face. "That was incredible." You let out a quiet chuckle, wiping the beads of sweat from your forehead. "Can you open the door? I can hardly breathe in here."

Harry laughs and slowly sits up, opening the door and inhaling the cold morning air. The car's windows were completely fogged up, and you're happy no one was walking by because if they did, they'd definitely know what the two of you had gotten into. "Guess you can't say you've never fucked in the backseat of a car before anymore."

[fleetwood-mac-andcheese]

My thoughts while watching Holes for the billionth time

It’s fucked up that the movie starts with all the supporting characters watching their friend attempt suicide

How long was Stanley’s trial and how short was Zero’s trial? Because we know that Zero got arrested the day after Stanley did, but he arrived at Camp Greenlake significantly earlier. Like, he knew Barfbag, he already had a nickname, people knew he liked to dig. How long was he there before Stanley showed up?

In the book when they sing the song, they howl on the word moon (it’s written “moo-oo-oon”) and I wish they did that in the movie

The Yelnatses screwed Stanley over by not getting him a lawyer. The little bits we see of his case prove they had no clue what they were doing. And when they eventually do get a lawyer, he’s let out almost immediately.

I love how Dr. Pendanski is written. He’s such a terrible person who has convinced himself and is trying to convince those around him that he is the nicest guy around. He fucking sucks and I love how he’s written and how Tim Blake Nelson plays him.

“Today’s menu: Chili, string beans, re-fried beans, garbanzo beans, green beans, and banana jello” — aren’t green beans and string beans the same thing?

The cinematic choices made in this movie are just *chef’s kiss*. The way they jump from timeline to timeline without ever losing pace is masterful

Eartha Kitt is flawless.

While Eartha Kitt is flawless, I want it noted that in the book, Madame Zeroni is described as a one legged Romani person (Sachar actually used the G slur) and Eartha Kitt is neither one-legged nor Romani.

Zero is the fastest digger in the camp, but they never really explain how big the camp is. Like, is he the fastest out of 25 people? 60 people, 140 people?

Just to revisit point 8, I fucking love Eartha Kitt

The yellow spotted lizards are such an excellent plot device

All the inmates are either A) mentally ill B) people of color or C) severely traumatized. But most of them are D) all of the above

When Squid throws out Stanley’s letter, catch Zero in the background with a pool cue ready to beat the shit out of that motherfucker

It’s weird that they show Sam as some kind of snake oil salesman when we know that his product actually works. The yellow spotted lizards won’t bite you if you’ve eaten his onions. Why claim they cure baldness or that Mary Lou is over 100 years old?

Zero back at it again ready to throw hands for Stanley, this time with a billiards ball

The fact that magnet got locked up for stealing a thousand dollar puppy

“You are here on account of one person. You know who that person is?” “Yeah, my no good, dirty rotten, pig-stealing, great great grandfather. That’s who it is”

Henry Winker provides such comedic levity

When Zero asks Stanley to teach him how to read and it’s such a nice moment of vulnerability, only to be shot down by Stanley. I just want to cry

What happens if someone actually dies at Camp Greenlake? Like, Zero and Stanley ran away and Barfbag got sent to the hospital, but they all survived. What would the protocol be if someone just dies while digging? Clearly there’s not a lot of oversight because Stanley can get away with Zero digging his hole, so what happens when one of those kids get overheated working all day in the Texas sun and just collapses in their hole one day and nobody thinks to check on them until the next day when the buzzards are all gathered around their corpse?

I’ve waited long enough to say this. Sigourney Weaver in this movie is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. I fucking love her

Sam and Katherine. nuff said

“Well then I guess you’d be in a lot of trouble if your boat leaked.” *sobs*

Just casually reciting Edgar Allen Poe from memory as a way of professing my love to a woman I legally cannot be with due to racist laws forbidding interracial relationships.

I can’t help but remember that Scott Plank died during the post production of this movie. Respect to him and his ability to play such a good villain as Trout Walker

“No one ever says no to Trout Walker.” “I believe I just did.” SAY IT LOUDER, KATE!

Sam

I love that Kate’s MO came from a racist sheriff sexually harassing her

The sunflower seed thing reminds me of something that happened to me at RTC and it’s just a really nice moment for me

Stanley acting so casual by not doing the one thing he’s supposed to be doing

The look on Magnet’s face right before Stanley covers for him

I really want to know more about the Warden and Mr. Sir’s relationship

I also really want a bottle of that rattlesnake nail polish, but maybe that’s just me

I also really like that Sachar didn’t shy away from the racial implications of a white guy having a black guy do his labor for him. Then again, the whole story is an indictment of racism and the American prison system, so it makes sense he wouldn’t ignore that

The way Stanley gets so excited when Zero mentions that park. Like ‘oh, we have something in common. We used to go to the same park!’ and Zero just shuts it down with “I used to sleep in the tunnel next to the swing and bridge” Stanley may have been cursed, but he still had a home

Zero finally gets to throw hands on Stanley’s behalf. He’s been waiting to do that since point 14

Pendanski really is the shittiest

“No one cares about Hector Zeroni” “I do”

I love that Twitch was just instantly ready to help Stanley steal Mr. Sir’s car

What are the chances of Kate, Zero, and Stanley all finding Sam’s boat in the middle of the desert? And I know Kate probably spent years looking for it after the lake dried up and for Zero and Stanley it was destiny, but still

Zero, you gotta ration that sploosh

One more time for emphasis: I love Eartha Kitt

Kate dying and she hallucinates Sam, only to be snapped out of it by Trout Walker. Just Trout stopping them from being together one last time

“It hasn’t rained here since the day they killed Sam” and you think whatever deity made that happen is gonna let anyone in the Walker family end up with Kate Barlow’s fortune?

“I can’t leave without Hector.”

“Call my mom. Tell her I said I was sorry. Tell her Theodore said he was sorry” cue Small Steps

Justice reigns over the Walker family and rain falls over the Walker estate

I would love for someone to find out just how much that treasure chest was really worth. Can one of those theorist channels get on that, please?

Hector finding his mom is nothing short of heart-melting. I’m not crying, you’re crying

“Camp Greenlake was closed and the boys were released on time served and sent to real counselors” Wait, are you implying that forced labor is an unjust prison sentence? Someone better tell the prison industrial complex!

So what happened with Sweet Feet? Did they sit him down and explain the misunderstanding before or after signing him as the spokesperson for their product? He was the prosecution’s lead witness at Stanley’s trial, but nope! All is forgiven!

The soundtrack slaps

Point 53, however you have Shia Labeouf and Eartha Kitt in the same movie and you put which one of them on the soundtrack? Just wondering who made that call. Like, you layer ‘I Want To Be Evil’ or ‘Burned As A Witch’ over any of Kissing Kate Barlow’s scenes, it’d be perfect. But no, instead we get the dude from Even Stevens trying to rap.

[sw124]

BonelyHearts Reader Insert4

{Female!ReaderXSkeleton household}

Camping! Pt.3

[Warning: I’m gonna be descriptive with the food so please eat something before you read this. No theirs nothing graphic, its just I’m describing the process of cooking some food, sorry if it makes you hungry]

You could’ve sworn that the trip wouldn’t be that long, guess you were wrong. Well never the less it was time to start dinner, before the trip even started you had volunteered to do ‘dinner’ on the camping trip while the others did ‘breakfast’. It was only four in the afternoon but dinner prep was gonna take a little bit plus you had to set up dessert too. If you started now you’d have it done in less then forty minutes, well no time to waist...especially with these boys.

You got out a few pots, two larger ones an one smaller one, one for boiling water, another to make the sauce and lastly the third was to collect the water. It was expensive but you bought two small propane burners, after the camping trip you can gift one out to a friend and keep the other for when you’d make Hotpot dishes for winter.

You filled the first pot with water, bottled water to be exact. Then put that on the first burner, you turned it on and set it to high, you added a touch some olive oil into the water and let it sit. Now on to the sauce, you reached into the cooler and pulled out a two large cartons of heavy whipping cream, a container of grated Parmesan cheese, a stick of butter, garlic paste in a squeeze tube, chopped parsley in a small ziplock and lastly the bag of mixed veggies. Zucchini, asparagus, onions, mushrooms, yellow squash and lastly carrots.

In the pot you threw in the stick of butter and a dollop of garlic paste, you put the pot on the other burner and melted the butter with the garlic, you threw in the veggies when the butter had just melted. You waited till the veggies were cooked throughly, mostly caramelizing the onions and mushrooms. Once that was done you added in the heavy whipping cream an Parmesan an started stirring. After you let that set you checked on the water, it was at a full boil now-

.....

“Boss I thought I told you I was handling dinner, either you go sit by the fire and wait or go for a walk.” You growled.

The one thing you hated was Boss leaning over you while you cooked, he knew you were preparing a pasta dish an by the law that is Boss he has to supervise you...not this time.

“I need to make sure your not going to add anything...unessesary to the dish.” He countered.

You groaned under your breath, you wanted this to be a bit of a surprise but of course that was wishful thinking....you shook your head and continued. Grabbing two boxes of spaghetti you poured them into the pot.

......

You looked up to find that Boss wasn’t alone, all of the skeletons were now crowding around the kitchen tent, intently watching you cook. You wondered if they were hungry and was planning to offer something to tide them over, that thought passed when you saw the remnants of chip crumbs on some of their clothing.

“Can I help you boys?” Your voice going mono.

“We’re just watching, gotta do something to ‘pasta’ time way, ya know?” Said Sans, earning a glare from half of the group.

Ash and Poplar strategical placed themselves near you, Poplar blocking Boss and his...needling gaze. Everyone else was just watching quietly, well Nox made a comment or two about the sauce bubbling but that was ok, he even reminded you about the parsley. It was also nice to have Russ help you strain out the water when the noodles were done.

“Ok, everything is just about ready. You boys get your bowls an I’ll start plating ok?”

The boys did as told, it was kinda cute seeing them all shuffle to get their bowls together. You had your bowl there along with your fork, Red got back first and you first filled his bowl partly with the noodles before ladling on the sauce...well it’s as more of a soup but you called it sauce. You make sure the noodles were half submerged. You repeated this until all ten skeletons had their portion, you filled your bowl next before joining them at the picnic table.

“Ok boys, lets dig in!” You announced.

You didn’t hesitate, you instantly twisted a bundle of spaghetti on to your fork along with some asparagus. It tasted heavenly, the creamy, buttery sauce mixed with the Parmesan was just delightful. You were happy that it turned out so well, you looked up. To your surprise and delight everyone seemed to be enjoying the food, Boss even gave you an approving nod.

“Wowie! I’ve got to tell Undyne about this, she an Alphys would love to try this dish!” Papyrus was beaming as he examined his food, his smile was just so cute.

Nox seemed better off eating in silence, but you couldn’t fake a smile of content like his. Blue was engulfing his noodles, you had to suppress a chuckle when he stared fanning his mouth, of course the food would still be hot. You poked at the carrots you had in your bowl, you were hoping they were cooked right and not too hard. After one bite you were delighted to find it had a little crunch but it was cooked properly.

“Whatcha call this anyway?” Asked Stretch, twirling his fork.

“It’s kinda like Alfredo but with a few stuff added in, it doesn’t really have a name. I just made this dish up one night when I was super hungry and didn’t want to go out in the pouring rain to get food, the only difference is the veggies.” You were slightly embarrassed in telling the story, despite it being true.

“Its still good though, you should invent dishes more often!” Said Blue, shoveling another bite into his mouth.

You smiled, thankful the food was cooked well. Ash and Poplar really seemed to like this dish, you wondered if it was because of the vegetables or the sauce. Either way it was cute seeing him try to get at least one of each veggie on his fork along with the noodles.

Soon everyone had finished eating and cleanup was underway, you noticed how quickly the sun had begun to set. Yep winter was fast approaching, cleanup didn’t take long at all with everyone helping out. Once everything was washed and put away for the evening it was time to bust out dessert. You hurry back to the van where you kept it, pulling out three large bags of marshmallows and a bag of frosted gram-cracker cookies. The top halves were frosted in chocolate, it’d make things a lot simpler.

“Ok boys time for dessert, we’re making s’mores!”

You handed each skeleton a long stick too use, they all were sharing a bewildered expression...had these boys not heard of s’mores?

“Do you guys know what s’mores are?”

“I’m afraid we don’t.” Said Papyrus.

“Oh well its a fun, interactive snack and common camping treat. I’ll show you how its done.”

You began by skewering your marshmallow, you got the large flat ones so it’d be easier for the skeletons to handle. You held your marshmallow over the fire, you loved this part so much, watching your marshmallow turn golden brown or even catch on fire and burn just a tiny bit. Once the marshmallow was done you showed them how to sandwich it between the gram cracker cookie, you told them that normally they’d have a plain gram cracker and a bit of chocolate to do it but you wanted to make it easier and quicker. You even mentioned that to them while you were making your s’more.

“An there you have it, your very own s’more!”

You held it up and showed them, you then took a big bite and just like you expected the marshmallow stretched out...and it tasted amazing. Gooey, sweet and crunchy, the chocolate was melting and it wasn’t dripping on to your fingers.

You watched everyone follow your lead, you also said they can just eat the roasted marshmallow if they wanted or the gram cracker cookie instead. Which was what some of them did, Russ was having fun making the s’mores. Awe he looked like a little kid when he took that first bite, Nox though didn’t seem that impressed and settled for just the cookie. Stretch was pouring some honey on his s’more, Blue was scolding him about it, Poplar and Ash were throughly enjoying making s’mores together.

Papyrus was yelling at Sans again, Sans marshmallow now turned into a comet, Red and Boss settled for the gram cracker and roasted marshmallows. It was cute watching them all experience a traditional treat of camping, you made another s’more and switched to just making roasted marshmallows. Nox was kind enough to get some drinks but just for you and Russ, when questioned by Blue he countered saying he wasn’t everyone’s servant and they all had legs that weren’t broken. An besides he got one for you cause you were a lady and you had prepared dinner, it was only proper.

After having your fill of marshmallows you were about to get up and start the process of cleaning up the dishes. Well that was the plan until you felt Poplar’s hand rest on your shoulder.

“No, no don’t get up. We’ll take care of clean the dishes and everything, you just relax.”

You blinked, surprised. “Are you sure, there’s a lot to clean up-“

Sans stood up. “Rule is if you make dinner then you don’t have to clean up the kitchen.”

“A rule that you don’t seem to follow brother.” Growled Papyrus but smiled. “But he is right human, you shouldn’t shoulder the burden of clean up. The ten of us will have it done in no time!”

“If your sure then alright, the communal wash station is just up the way there; Sans I’m sure you can show them.”

Sans nodded, everyone else got up and started cleaning up the kitchen tent area. Nox was sure that Russ didn’t slack off, Red wasn’t happy about being forced to get up and work but he couldn’t say much with Boss standing over him. You watched all ten skeletons shuffle off over the hill, it was nice of them to do the clean up but at the same time you felt kinda bad since you made a little mess while doing it. Well you knew how to remedy that!

You stood up, walked to the kitchen tent and started preparing mugs of your special coco for them. Coffee was going to be rationed so you felt slightly bad for Nox but it was too late for coffee anyway, you filled each mug carefully and smiled. You took some of the left over marshmallows and put them in the mugs, you had just put the last marshmallow in when the boys came back.

“Hey guys, the coco is ready if you want some.”

You didn’t have to say it twice, the boys were all over that coco. Though Nox wasn’t happy about not getting his coffee but he digressed, he put his marshmallow into Russ’s cup. You smiled an enjoyed your own cup, the rest of the night was spent chatting and playing word games with them. Word games like ‘Going to the picnic’ which was your favorite game cause you could be as sarcastic as you wanted to be.

After finishing the fourth game of ‘going to the picnic’ you checked your watch. It was fifteen minutes to ten, that meant bed time. You wanted to get up early to start the second day of camping.

“Ok boys its getting close to ten lets start getting ready for bed.”

Unlike with most people no one groaned, they all simply agreed that it was getting late and it was time to sleep. First thing you were going to do is take a shower in the communal showers nearby.

“H-Human are you going to take a shower?” Asked Russ.

“Yes, why you gonna get one too?”

You noted a lot of the skeletons looked...concerned, was something wrong with the showers?

“Actually we’re in need of showers as well, let us accompany you if you don’t mind.” Said Boss.

“Oh, well grab your things and follow me ok?”

That wasn’t a problem, you grabbed a bag with your toiletries inside along with your sleeping attire you picked for camping. You were about to leave when you noticed...only Russ and Boss had got their things. Everyone else was busy trying to find their things.

“Shall we go human?” Asked Boss.

“Don’t you want to wait for everyone?”

“They said to go on ahead, they’ll catch up with us.” Said Russ.

You shrugged and headed for the showers with Boss and Russ, you noticed they were walking very close to you...despite you were leading the way with one of the flashlights you brought with. You tried not to think about it, what you wanted was a shower. The hikes today had been sweat inducing and you wanted to freshen up, you walked into the women’s side and found you weren’t alone. Other women were in there from the other campsites.

It was fun chatting with them as you all showered together, one of them was a elderly woman in her mid-sixties enjoying her forty-fifth anniversary with her husband. You gawked at the number, wow forty five years. The other woman with you was a younger lady camping with her fiancée, you had a laugh with the two women comparing them together. The young lady getting married turning into the older married lady with many years of happiness.

You enjoyed chatting with them, once you dried off you walked outside. Boss and Russ were there having showered and changed, you hoped they didn’t wait long. You were escorted back, was it you or were the two of them very vigilant on the way back. You felt like one of the s’mores when they were walking so close to you, your arms were even touching them. Once back another group went to shower, it was weird but...you chalked it up to them being concerned with you walking in the dark. Though you were sure there were no wild animals.

You gave a small yawn and crawled into your tent, you took off your shoes and slipped on some thick socks. Your feet got cold quickly, your pajamas for this camping trip were sweatpants and a light sweater. It was gonna get kinda cold since it was autumn, you turned on your camping lamp before going back outside. You made sure everything was put away and the fire was properly put out with, once that was done you crawled back into your tent. You zipped up the flap in your tent but unzipped the other two sides, most of the skeletons had come back already.

You dimmed your light and took out a book, you weren’t quite sleepy yet so decided a book was nice for a while. You said goodnight to your boys before zipping up the flaps on both sides.

It was only ten minutes later you felt your eyelids getting heavy, you put a bookmark in the book, turned the lamp off and tucked yourself into your sleeping bag.

Lulled to sleep by the sound of nature....and some skeletons snoring.

To be continued..

[For context, I’ve gotten questions on why I had the reader start dinner at four. Where I’m from in the upper Midwest it gets dark very quickly in both Fall and Winter so for that reason why dinner started early, that and in my family we start cooking around 4-4:30 so that everyone can get something done before supper. Examples are making a call, doing a chore, going to deliver something etc. This is dedicated to the @bonelyheartsclub I hope you enjoy this I’m having a lot of fun writing these.]