#the second issue did feel stronger but it still got me thinking

[havendance]

I read the first couple issues of Wonder Woman: Black and Gold and it’s interesting to see how the stories shake out compared to say the Batman: Black and White anthologies. It might be since I read the Wonder Woman anthology more recently so the stories are fresher in my mind, but it feels like it’s easier for authors to write a passable Batman story than Wonder Woman. Like, in the first issue it’s such an interesting mix. We’ve got a story with no passing resemblance to like, any, Wonder Woman canon that I know of that feels like it’s using the characters as stickers or something, a story clearly based on movie canon because Diana’s immortal in it, a story so inspired by comics canon that it’s referencing specific plot points from Rucka’s post crisis run, a light-hearted golden age inspired story, and an origin story for her lasso that lines up with zero existing canon that I know of, but that’s presented as something that may or may not have happened and is otherwise an interesting and well executed story given the constraints. It’s all over the place in terms of who Wonder Woman is.

Compare that with the first issue of the 2020 Batman Black and White anthology and the Batman one has 4 out of 5 stories focused tightly on different foes/aspects of Batman’s past, three of which are written by veteran Batman writers (Dini, Tynion IV, and J H Williams). It’s honestly unusually strong for anthology series. It feels unfair to stack them against eachother. But from what I’ve read other Batman Black and White books, even if the stories are mediocre, they usually feel rooted in Batman and Batman comics (with some exceptions).

I think part of it is the inherent problems that inherently arise with these types of anthology comics (uneven quality, limited space etc), but also does feel like DC’s putting less into the Wonder Woman, both in terms of artistic talent and her having a unified identity.

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Dreams, A Nightmare and A Kiss

Summary: Logan x Fe!Reader -> After you have a dream about Logan, your brain can't seem to forget it. And neither will Logan.

Disclaimer: Descriptions of torture, crying, a creepy guy. Apart from that, teasing, fluff, a little dash of steam at the end. Not Proof Read

You kept having this recurring dream. Or maybe it was a nightmare. It was hard to tell. What do you call it when, what seems like a dream, turns into a very awkward situation where you don’t know what to do with yourself when you wake up? 

Do you try to forget it ever happened? Do you talk to someone about it? Do you talk to the person about it? Are you meant to talk to the person about it? Or would consulting a psychiatrist be easier, considering the person who you dreamt about…was not someone you would, or even should be dreaming about?

“Morning.” 

Storm placed down her coffee on the table before pulling out her chair. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“What?”

Storm pointed at you, “You look like you’re thinking too hard.”

“Too hard for this early in the morning,” you mumbled. 

“Well, then, talk to me. Maybe I can help.”

“I don’t think even the world's best psychiatrist can help me with this one.”

Storm shrugged. “Maybe you don’t need the world’s best. Come on, try me.”

You took a moment and looked at Storm. Maybe it was worth a go…

“Okay,” you sighed. Storm got comfortable in her seat and leaned forward. Meanwhile, you practically had to pull your legs under the table and untrap your hands from between them. 

“I had a dream.”

“You had a dream?”

You nodded, trying your best to look her in they eyes when you spoke. Was you really going to admit this outloud to someone? 

“I had a…dream.”

It took her a minute. “Oh…oh. Okay, well anyone will tell you that’s normal. Healthy even. You know, sometimes-”

“About Logan.”

Storm faltered and then came to a full stop, her hand still in the air and her jaw slacked. “Logan.”

Storm spoke slowly as she looked at you, trying to gauge if this was some big prank you were playing on her. It wasn’t April. 

“L…ogan?” She asked this time, just to be sure. 

You nodded. 

“Our Logan?”

“Do you know any other Logan’s?”

Storm shook her head and blinked her eyes for one second too long before coming back into movement. “No, I guess not. So…what’s the issue?”

You looked at her like she was both crazy and confusing. “You don’t see the issue?”

Storm shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. “Not particularly. I mean, it is a little odd considering…well considering you two aren’t the most…harmonious.”

“Understatement.”

And it was. 

Both yourself and Logan, although civil most of the time, weren’t exactly known for being best pals. 

“So what was it about?”

“Ororo!”

She just smiled, “What? I want to know. How was it?”

“I…I can’t answer that.”

“Sure you can! Oh, come on, Y/n. You can’t tell a girl you and Logan shared…something and not tell her about it.”

You sighed, “Yes, I can.”

“Oh my god,” Storm smiled, leaning back in her chair. “You liked it.”

“What?” You could practically feel your face bursting into flames. “N-no. No I didn’t.”

But she just laughed in response. “You sooo totally want it to happen in real life.”

“Want what to happen?” 

You practically squealed with fright as both you and Storm sat straighter in your chairs and turned to see Logan walk through the door and over to the coffee machine. 

“Uhhh, nothing. Nothing at all. How did you sleep?”

From pouring coffee, Logan repeated your question. “How did I sleep?”

You nodded, willing the redness from your face to disappear. The grip you had held on the back of your chair as you twisted your body was growing stronger by the minute. 

“Yeah.”

Logan placed the coffee pot back in its place and looked to Storm. “Is she okay?”

Then you felt yourself go back to normal. “I’m fine, Logan.”

Logan looked back at you. The general look of disgust and disinterest, a little more prominent on your face. 

“I slept fine.” Logan answered. Then his face turned into a grin he was holding back. Well. Trying to hold back. “How did you sleep, Y/n?”

Storm watched your eyes widen for a second and the blush heated your face once more. “Fine.” you were forced out. 

Logan just nodded and sipped his coffee. “And you? Storm?”

“Like a baby.”

Logan nodded and smiled. “Good. Good.”

Then the bell went. “I better get going. I guess I’ll see you later. Or should I say tonight?”

Logan watched as your face twisted from nothing, to confusion, to shock to embarrassment to…turning around and hiding it completely. 

“Have a nice day, ladies.”

Covering your face, you hid it on the table, letting your muffled voice speak out from your arms as Storm placed a hand on your back. “How much do you think he heard?”

“Not much…I think.” Storm looked behind her, a pained look on her face for you. “If he had heard it all, he would have gloated more.”

You gave a whimper in pain and Storm placed her hand on the back of your head. “It shouldn’t be too bad.”

“It’s Logan.”

“Okay, so you’re screwed.”

Thankfully, you had managed to avoid Logan all day. Jean had found you hiding in the teacher’s lounge when you knew Logan was teaching. Even him thinking you were alone in your classroom was hard enough. 

“You don’t have anything that could reverse time? Or make me forget all of today?”

Jean smiled, “No. I don’t think so. But Storm told me what happened.”

“Oh, God.” You groaned, placing down your food by your feet and burying your head by your knees. “How many people know?”

“Just me and Storm,” Jean assured you. “And Logan,” she added. 

You groaned again. 

However, now that everything was finally silent, you took time to breathe. Maybe Logan would finally drop it. 

Not that he had said anything to you apart from that morning. But…it was Logan. When it came to you, he’d never let you live it down. 

Stepping a little higher on your feet, you reached into the back of the cupboard to try and find the last box of tea bags. Why Scott had been assigned to stock away the one thing he didn’t drink was beyond you. He always put it at the very back of everything on the top shelf of the cupboard. 

Not even on the first shelf at the back. 

No, he’d rather have you pull a muscle or get yet another bruise from the knobs on the oven. 

Finally reaching it, you stepped back and closed the cupboard door just as someone shouted your name. 

You let out a little scream that was followed by his laughter. 

“Logan! Jesus Christ.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry. Was just too easy.”

You gave him a glare and bent down to pick up your box of tea bags before walking away to the other side of the kitchen where you had left the kettle by the sink. 

“It’s almost midnight. Don’t just sneak up on a girl like that.”

“Forgive me.” He was still smiling. Even with your back to him, you could tell. “But I figured you’d be busy dreaming about me.”

“Having a nightmare, more like.” 

“Oh, come on. You had a dream about me. Admit it.”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes before pushing down the kettle lid and placing it back on its holder before flicking the switch on. 

“Oh, please. You just want to gloat.”

“No, no. Okay, maybe a little.” Logan lowered his hands before using them to lift himself onto the counter where you stood by the island, chopping up some carrots. “What are you? The Easter Bunny?” Logan lifted a piece before putting it back down. 

With the knife still in your hand, you made direct eye contact as you pushed the knife down hard, listening to the snap of the carrot before returning your gaze to it. 

“So…tell me.” Logan began, picking up yet another piece of carrot yet this time eating it. “What was it about?”

“What was what about?”

“Your dream.”

“Logan,” you sighed. 

“What? Oh come on, we both know you dreamt of me. You could at least tell me what it was about considering you didn’t ask for my consent.”

You looked at him for a moment before walking away, towards the kettle that had finished boiling. 

Pouring the hot water into the cups, back on the island, you returned the kettle to its place, allowing the bags to steep in the water for a while. 

“Come on, you know you want to tell me.”

“I don’t want to tell you anything.”

“Did we kiss?” Logan asked, trying to find his answers. “Did we have sex? Sorry, make love. Did we get married? Did we-”

You sighed, placing down the knife. “We did nothing, Logan. I had a dream. You just happened to be there.”

“So what happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

Logan gave a coy look and lent down a little so he was closer to you. “Something happened.”

“Nothing happened.” You pressed. “Trust me, if anything you just asked me happened between me and you in any capacity, I’d be calling it a nightmare.”

Logan pouted and held his hand over his heart. “Oh, how you wound me.”

“You’re a grown man, Logan. Deal with it.”

Logan laughed, taking a couple steps back. “Okay, okay. I’ll drop it.”

“Thank you.” 

“For now.”

Leaning closer to you and over you, Logan reached for the second cup you hadn’t realised you had made of tea and took a handful of carrots with him. 

You berated yourself for having closed your eyes for a split second, letting his touch warm you. 

Logan was not a man you should or would ever go for. 

But Storm was right. 

You did enjoy it. 

You just never wanted Logan to know that. 

Over the following days, you could feel Logan’s eyes on you wherever you went. From the both of you standing by your classroom doors, watching the kids leave your classroom and making sure the right ones came in. 

Some students recently had a tendency to swap certain classes for others. 

Or like when you were at dinner and sat outside. From the grass below where he was coaching a game of baseball, you caught him looking at you and smiling as he turned away. 

So, when you saw him again in the empty hallway, you pushed him inside the nearest classroom. 

At least, what you thought was the nearest classroom. Turned out to be a storage room for school supplies. 

“Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“I could ask you the same thing. You know, I think this is against the law, holding someone hostage inside a storage closet.”

“Every day this week, you’ve been staring at me. Why? Do I have something on my face? Or are you trying to see if you’ve suddenly developed telekinetic powers?”

Rather than replying, Logan just looked at you. Was he…studying you?

“You had another dream.”

You reeled back for a moment, trying your best not to squirm under his gaze. “Excuse me?”

Logan couldn’t help but smile. Or maybe it was a smirk. 

“You had another dream.” Logan repeated. “Was it any different, or was this just part two.”

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Logan shrugged. “It’s not every day you learn that someone is in love with you.”

You practically laughed. “In love? With you? Oh, that’ll be the day.”

Logan practically sang what he said next. “Oh, you are so totally falling in love with me.”

“Like hell.”

“Oh,” he laughed. “She’s already prepared the wedding vows.”

“I hate you.”

“Love you, too, Sweetheart.”

However, before you could reply to Logan’s statement, you both turned and found the door wide open. 

“Rouge,” you almost yelled her name in surprise. 

“Hey. Sorry about…interrupting. I just need some…” She pointed to behind both of you where the stack of boxed pencils were kept. 

Logan reached behind him and handed her a box. “Here you go, kid.”

“Thanks. I guess I’ll just uh…” 

Closing the door on both of you, she walked away, hearing a small thud on the door behind her. 

Little did she know it was your head. 

“Be careful, she might be thinking we’re doing something else in here.”

“I hate you,” you groaned. 

“Love you, too, Sweetheart.” Logan repeated, folding his arms and smiling. 

Turning the door handle, you swung open the door and walked out of it. 

It was halfway through the next day before you saw Logan, and it wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when you thought you next saw him. 

The heating on the top floor of the school; the floor which both yourself and Logan, along with a couple of other pupils happened to sleep on, hadn’t been working for a month. 

A trustworthy company couldn’t come out to inspect it for at least that time but now that they are finally here, part of you wished they hadn’t turned up at all. 

Because, for as much as you enjoyed talking to people, one of their tradesmen…you would have happily gone your whole life without ever having spoken to them. 

From the minute he walked in the door, he had been eyeing you up like you were his next meal. He always stood too close for comfort, trying his best to leave his hot breath behind your ear whenever he spoke which only made your skin crawl and when he blatantly started flirting with you…you more than obvious distance and replies of “No,” didn’t seem to do the trick. 

“I’m married.”

“I don’t see your husband anywhere, sweet cheeks. We could always get to know each other a little better, if you catch my drift.”

Then Logan turned down the hall. 

Finally spotting him, you gave a smile of relief. 

“Logan!”

He started walking closer to you. 

“Here he is, my husband,” you took him by the arm, putting him between yourself and one of the tradesmen. “Logan.”

Logan looked at you with a slightly confused look whilst you looked both scared, panicked (for two reasons) and was forcing a smile on your face the whole time. 

Logan took a breath and turned back to the tradesman who had everything, save from the actual word written across his head in bold ink, creepy going for him. 

“Can I help you?”

The guy practically tumbled back. “No, no. Just having a conversation. I guess I’ll get back to work.”

You watched as the guy tripped over his own feet trying to scurry away from yourself and Logan, neither of you missing the way the guy told two other workmates of his that you were, in fact, married. 

“Thank you. I’m sorry I dragged you into that but- Why are you smiling?”

Logan shook his head, standing in front of you, pressing his hands behind his back and bouncing on his feet. “No reason.”

You relaxed your face. “He was being a creep. What would you have had me do?”

“Come and got me.” Logan answered honestly. “But…I was right.”

“Right about what?”

“You had written the vows.”

With your arms crossed, your eyebrows relaxed as you looked at him. “I want a divorce.”

“Ooh, do you not remember, Sweetheart? That night you burned the marriage certificate?”

You started walking away. 

“What was it that you said?”

Logan followed after you. 

“Good luck returning me without the receipt. Now, that is better than Shakespeare, don’t you think?”

“I hate you.”

“See, I don’t think you do. Considering…”

“Considering what?”

“The fact that you keep dreaming about me.”

You sighed. “I already told you, it wasn’t about you. You were just in it.”

“Oh, that’s true love if I ever did see it.”

“Don’t you have a class to teach?” You asked as you turned into the kitchen. 

“I wonder what we did this time? Frolic on the beach? Have to say though, I’m not one to frolic anymore, but I could make an exception-”

You stuffed an apple into his mouth before turning to face him. “Remind me, how does the saying go again? An apple a day keeps your wife from killing you in your sleep?”

Walking away, you headed through the back doors and outside leaving Logan to bite down on his apple, all the while smiling. 

Something that you didn’t think through however, was having to keep the rouse up. And it wasn’t long before everyone knew. At least, all of the team knew. 

“I hear congratulations are in order,” Xavier said as he entered into the living room where you were sitting on one end of the sofa, curled up with a book, whilst Logan sat diagonal to you across the table, spread out, grading papers. 

“I have to say though, I thought I’d at least get an invite.”

Logan smiled, “That makes two of us.”

You just glared from over your book before going back to reading. 

“I have to say also, you both make a very cute couple. Of course, I was betting on it taking an extra couple of months.”

“I think Y/n helped to speed things up a little.”

You continued to glare. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“How could you tell?”

Rolling your eyes, you went back to trying to read your book. 

“Well, I suppose I best leave you both alone. What with you two still being in the honeymoon stage and all.”

Charles chuckled to himself as he left the room, not forgetting to shut the door behind him. 

You and Logan remained in silence for a while longer. However, Logan didn’t miss your gaze. Every couple of minutes you would look up and watch him. He could feel your eyes on him, heating his skin from under all his metal. 

“You know, if you didn’t keep staring at me every five minutes, you might have finished your book.”

“What?”

“Ooh, feigning disinterest. How original.”

After a moment, Logan stood and started walking over towards you. “You know, you could just ask.”

“Ask what?”

Logan sat beside you on the sofa, facing you, leaning in a little closer. “If that’s what it would be like?”

“If…what would be like what?”

Logan’s arms fell to either side of you on the sofa, caging you in. “If that’s what it would be like for us to be in the same room as each other without fighting. I’m sure you’ve thought about me once or twice. It’s nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Am I really that transparent to you?”

Logan practically smirked as his head tilted a little and he came closer to you. “You forget I can hear your heartbeat, Sweetheart.”

Your lips parted for a moment, feeling your heart rate increase even more. 

“I think you’re forgetting something else, too.”

“What’s that?”

Logan reached for you. Or rather, behind you. 

Pulling the cord, the lamp came on. 

“You hate me.”

That night, you lay awake in bed, wishing and hoping and praying on every goddamn star in the sky that you wouldn’t dream about him again. 

That you wouldn’t dream about the way his touch warmed yours, or how he would kiss you in all the right places, willing his name from your lips. That you wouldn’t dream about his arms wrapping around you or how, in a dark bedroom alone, you would hear the shower turn off only to have him emerge in a billow of steam like some kind of Greek or Roman God, just wrapped in a towel looking at you like…that. 

 That you wouldn’t dream about him in a way that you wouldn’t let yourself acknowledge. That you wouldn’t want to outwardly and knowingly fall in love with him, and have him fall right back. 

But, of course, the wishing and the hoping and the praying didn’t work. 

Because when you next opened your eyes, you were left with the memories of a dream that included not only you teaching – like you did most days of the week – but the classroom emptying to allow both yourself and Logan some privacy where he placed his hand against your stomach and kissed you. “She’s got her daddy’s strength, all right. I feel like I’m being kicked by a horse.”

You woke up with the fading feeling of the gentle yet firm hand Logan had on your stomach, and your heart’s growth fading a little when you realised it was just a dream. 

For the fifth dream in the space of a week, you were beginning to think you were cursed. Or, at the very least, had a problem. 

However, it all changed when you woke up in a sweat. 

Finally, three days had passed and no dreams at all. Nothing to do with Logan. Not even a single thought whilst you were asleep. 

And then things grew dark. 

You had been running. For your life. All around you, stars were falling from the sky, hitting the ground and shaking it from beneath you. Each way you turned kicked dirt into your face, making it harder to breathe. Your lungs felt like they were on fire before you finally reached a set of metal doors. 

Inside, you ran around, dipping in and around different stacked crates, your head whipping around you trying to check all angles. “Where are you?” you kept asking yourself. “Please be here.” 

Then you found him. 

But you heard him first. 

A scream. 

Turning, the room turned with you until you found yourself in some kind of lab. Logan strapped to the table, and just as you stepped forward you found yourself being held back by two soldiers who had to be at least seven feet tall and six feet wide. 

No matter how you moved, you couldn’t. 

They were branding Logan. Burning him with needles and different iron poles and wires. He was screaming in pain, unable to turn his body away from it. 

“Stop! Stop! You’re hurting him! Please! Stop!”

But they couldn’t hear you. No glass was in front of you, but there might as well have been. 

“No! Logan! Please! Stop hurting! Just…Please!”

Logan now turned to look at you. And as he did, your heart broke. He wasn’t walking away from this one. Looking at you, you saw silent tears roll from his eyes and down his cheek. “I’m okay. I’ll be okay.”

“Logan…” 

Your body was becoming limp in the soldiers arms. 

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I’m-” With a hot iron rod to his back, he screamed out in pain trying to move away from it. 

You screamed again, willing them to stop hurting him. To hurt you instead. But they wouldn’t. It was killing you. And everyone could see that. Even Logan as he took his last look. 

You called out his name. 

And woke up, calling out his name as you threw yourself to sit up in bed. 

Around you, your entire room was cased in darkness save for the moon-light flooding in. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for you to make out the outline of your room and the things in it. 

It took you a moment to catch your breath long enough to find a clear head to know your body was moving. 

Pulling the covers from you, you made your way out of your room and down the hall before you found his room. Except, as your hand hovered over the knob, it swung open and you stepped back. Whatever breath you had caught in your room was once again gone. 

Logan stood, his eyes adjusting to the light from the hallway, shirtless. Along with the pyjama bottoms Rouge had given him in a set last Christmas. 

“Y/n…I was just coming to check on you. Are you-” 

Surprising Logan, and perhaps yourself, you hugged him. Tight. “Okay?” Logan finished his question but didn’t expect an answer. 

It took him a moment, but he quickly wrapped his arms around you. Even though he could, he didn’t need to hear your heartbeat to know you were nervous, scared and relieved all at the same time. You were still shaking and you were just starting to catch your breath again. 

“I heard you shout me…are you okay?” Logan asked in a soft voice. 

You just tightened your grip. “I thought….I thought…”

Logan shook his head. Feeling your heart bash against your rib cage and into his was enough to let him know now wasn’t the time. 

“You don’t have to explain right now. Come and lie down.”

And you did. 

Letting go of Logan for a moment, he led you inside, shutting the door behind him and lifting the covers for you to slide inside. 

He lay down next to you and held onto your hand, two fingers holding onto your wrist. 

He had more natural light in his room which allowed him to see you a little clearer in the dark as you lay and faced him. 

He pressed your hand over his heart and he spoke to you softer than he ever had before. 

“Just count my heartbeats.”

And you did. 

Logan began counting yours in his head as he held onto your wrist but soon lost count when your gaze eventually met his. 

Your heart rate eventually also began to slow. Rather than having it thunder against your chest, leaving both you and Logan wondering if some kind of Looney Tunes spell had been cast on the school which would make your heart physically leap out of your chest, it beat like normal. 

He watched as your eyes started to grow heavier before they finally closed and your breathing became even. And only once that happened, did he allow himself to relax. 

By the time you woke up, you found your own nose and forehead pressed lightly against Logan’s, your bodies naturally falling closer together as his hand held onto yours whilst his other was pressed under your neck and against your pulse point. 

Then you remembered last night. Your nightmare. Waking up in a sweat. Rushing down the hallway towards his room. Hugging him and never wanting to let go. His own heartbeat against the palm of your hand. His scent enveloping you whilst the heat from his body made you feel safe, warm and relaxed. 

“Hey,”

Softly, you brought your gaze back to Logan’s eyes. You never got to see this side of him. The fresh out of bed – in this case, in – look. 

“Hey.”

“Do you want to talk about last night?”

You swallowed lightly and shook your head. “It was nothing.”

“You had a nightmare.”

You looked away from him for a moment but felt his fingertips press into the back of your neck, begging you to look at him. 

“It wasn’t nothing. Please…talk to me.”

Your gaze flicked back and forth between his eyes, trying to get a read on him. 

He really wanted to know. 

“You died, Logan. At least…I think you did.”

And you went on to explain. About the running, the cave, the metal rods, the screaming, the shouting, the soldiers – all of it. 

Every final detail. 

“All I wanted was to get to you. To make it stop. But I couldn’t. You were screaming in pain and telling me you were going to be okay. I wanted to get you out- I needed to get you out. But every time I tried to move…”

Your voice broke, your eyes filled and Logan felt his own heart break looking at you. How he wished he could erase it. How all he wanted to do in that moment was erase away your pain. 

Logan shushed you a little before pulling his hand from yours that he had continued holding, to allow his arm to go around your back, pulling you flush against him. 

The hand that had been by your neck, pushed to the bottom of your hair line, his fingers tangling with your strands. 

With a pressed kiss to your temple, Logan shook his head. “It was just a nightmare. I’m here. You’re here. We’re both safe. Hey, hey.”

Logan pushed himself back for a moment to be able to look at you. His thumb traced under your eye, brushing the tears away before they could fall down your face. 

“At least this is how I find out, maybe you don’t hate me.”

You laughed a little at that. “You’re a jackass.”

“Maybe,” Logan shrugged. “But you’re in love with me anyway.”

With a scoff and a smile, despite how much you tried not to, you hit Logan in his chest. He chuckled softly for a moment, taking hold of your hand before you could do him any more bodily harm. 

Not that he probably even felt you hit him. He was 90% metal. It probably would bruise you if you actually hit him. 

But when Logan took your hand, things seemed to slow down. 

With his gaze on you, his fingers started tracing your hand. His thumb working its way from your wrist to your palm, all the while his fingers traced up and curled around your own before your hand was flush against his, your fingers only a movement away from falling and intertwining against his. 

And they did. 

Logan took a minute to look at where your hands joined and any control he had over his heartbeat disappeared into an oblivion. 

He looked back at you. 

His fingers locked with yours and you felt your body shift closer towards him. Not fully aware of his own body, Logan had leaned up a little further from his pillow and leaning in closer towards you. 

You were both hesitant, at first. Unsure of what was happening, but fully aware that it was. 

The kiss was soft. Unfamiliar. Neither of you had expected this to happen when you had woken up. In all honesty, neither of you had expected it to ever happen. 

Well, maybe your subconscious. 

But that was a debate for another time. 

However, as it came to an end, reality stuck Logan. He had kissed you. You had come to him because you had a nightmare. You had stayed by his side, in his room, for the rest of the night. And now he had kissed you. 

You were right. 

He was a jackass. 

“I…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

You shook your head and furrowed your eyebrows. Your own internal monologue was having a whale of a time confusing you. Convincing you that the kiss didn’t happen. Then that was always meant to happen. That maybe…maybe it was always meant to feel like that. Or maybe it was never meant to feel like that. 

“Logan…”

For a brief moment, Logan looked confused. Were you going to yell at him? Curse him? 

No. 

Instead, you untangled your hand from his and Logan felt his heart sink. Then stop. 

That same hand slowly, hesitantly, reached for his cheek and you…

Kissed him. 

Again. 

This time, it was more searching and more familiar. More trusted. 

His hand now free, Logan pressed his hand to your own face, drawing you in closer whilst his arm curved around you and he allowed his hand to slip over your shoulder, down you back, towards your hip and up, inside the back of your t-shirt. 

His touch was warming to you. 

Your own hands traced down the side of his neck and up the side of his arm before meeting at the back, your nails scratching at the base of his hairline and neck. 

Finally having moved you onto your back, Logan leaned over you, his weight shifting onto you a little. 

Bringing his hands down to your hips, Logan lifted you a little further up the bed and you let out a small squeal. 

And he smirked. 

“Jackass.”

“You love it.”

Logan caught your smile against his own and pressed further into you, his legs slowly tangling with yours before he found his place locked between them. 

Pushing the hair from your face with his hand, Logan and yourself continued searching each other. Pressing against the boundaries that had been your last partnership together. 

Maybe it would take a short while to find your footing with each other. And maybe it would take even longer before you finally told Logan the truth about your first dream. 

And maybe, when you finally did, he spent the entire night helping you recreate it. Proving that the reality was better and so much more than your dream. 

[euphoricimagination]

Bad Habits

Feat. Aoba Johsai

When you joined the team on your second year, after Iwaizumi had asked you for help to deal with the new first year, everything started normally, you didn’t have any problems whatsoever and got along with everyone amazingly good. But it was by the end of the year that you started to fall into your more unhealthy habits. Habits that had appeared since you entered high school, but that became stronger now that you had to care for the team too

You knew it was due stress, the end of the year was always full of things and you were terrible at managing it properly. You had started to stay up until much later, studying or working on project until way too late, barely sleeping 3 hours at max; because of that, you started to feel incredibly tired through the day, leading you into buying energy drinks often to keep you awake, on your worst days you could easily chug down 4 a day with no issues; also because of your lack of sleep, your eye bags started to become more noticeable, not even concealer being able to cover them properly; and worst of all, because of the stress, you occasionally ended up smoking, and while not an often thing, you still do it

You were able to hide it from the team for a while, but the more the end of the year comes closer, the more noticeable it became.

The first one that notice was Oikawa, who could smell the smoke in your clothes in one of his hugs, but he shrugged it off since he thought it was from one of your friends that was known for smoking. Then Iwaizumi noticed the energy drinks, especially when in one day he saw you drink it at lunch, then before starting practice and then buying two more after you part ways; but again, he shrugged it off since sometimes he has rough days too. Then Kindaichi found you sleeping in a weird position on your classroom, surprised you could even sleep like that

It wasn’t until Kunimi said something on the changing room that they started to connect things together

“Did you guys knew that Yn-san smokes?” he asks

“Yn-chan? She doesn’t, her friend does though, that’s why she smells like that sometimes” Oikawa answers

“No, no, I saw her outside with a cigarette and a energy drink…she honestly looked miserable” Kunimi adds

“Energy drink? Again? She had one at lunch” Hanamaki adds

“yeah, and she arrived with one in the morning” Matsukawa says now. They stayed silent for a few seconds, everyone thinking

“That idiot” Iwaizumi sighs “she’s stressed”

“eh? How do you know?”

“Last year I saw her smoking, I scolded her and made her promise to tell me if she needed help or anything. I hadn’t thought that she fell back on it, I should have realized when I saw her with those energy drinks” Iwaizumi sighs again, looking disappointed

“Well, she does drink them from time to time, but now she seems to be abusing it. Don’t beat yourself up for it, man” Matsukawa says as they go out the room, you were already standing there, looking at the clipboard attentively. Iwaizumi walks towards you and yanks you away from the coaches, the whole team in front of you

“So, Yn-chan, something to tell us?” oikawa looks at you, his hands on his hips

“Ehhh…nope, not really” you say confused

“I see. You know, health is the most important thing, you always tell me to not overwork myself”

“what shittykawa wants to say is, we know about your…unhealthy habits, are you stressed out? Why didn’t you tell me? Tell us?” Iwaizumi asks you

“I…I didn’t want to trouble you, that’s all”

“idiot” Iwaizumi flicks your forehead “Stop smoking, Yn-chan, and sleep more, you look terrible”

“you can drink some energy drinks here and there, but don’t abuse it” Oikawa adds

“I hate that this is coming from you out of everyone” you say, making him squint his eyes

“We love you, so take care of you just like you take care of us” Matsukawa says, all of the team hugging you tightly.

[simp4pedropascal75]

bad guy (Joel Miller x Reader)

summary: since joel came to jackson, you only had eyes for him. but he didn't had eyes for you.... well, he did. but he hid behind a facade of a cold, mean asshole.

trigger warnings: 18+, minors dni, mature content included, some angst, fluff, explicit language, mention of guns, smut (f!nger!ng, p in v, mention of daddy k!mk, praising, degrading), age gap (reader in his 20s, joel in his 50s)

words: 2k

a/n: hey guys, so, this is my first post after a long break now. this was my first time writing smut, i'm still learning yk, but I hope you like it! Please keep in my mind that english isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for spelling mistakes and stuff.

Also I wrote this while driving to Croatia and I'm still sitting in the car, so yeah. There'll be a part 2 of this ff:) now, I wish y'all a fun time reading<3

-------------------♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡--------------------

Why do girls always love the bad guy? Why can’t I just find normal people attractive? And especially men in my age, you think.

Obviously I can’t, because I love Joel fucking Miller.

Since he came with this girl Ellie to Jackson, you couldn’t get him out of your mind. You tried, you really tried. But no, Joel stayed in your mind. Every fucking time he walked past you, butterflies flew in your stomach like crazy. When he looked at you, your heartbeat speeded up. And god, when he talked to you, even for just 10 seconds, you needed to squeeze your legs together, because you couldn’t bear the ache between your legs.

But sadly, he didn’t talked to you often, he didn’t look at you, he just always walked past you. Sometimes you two had to go on patrol, but to be honest, he was an asshole. He didn’t talk much, and when he did, he was mean. He was so cold towards you. The only person where he softened up, was Ellie. You and her got along well, she is a smart girl, with a big mouth, but still smart.

But, what did you expect? He’s like doubled your age. But you always found men, who could be your dad, more attractive than boys in your age. Older men are more mature and… they have experience.

With every boy you slept in your age, has never made you cum, never.

Not to mention your daddy issues.

Actually, you’re on patrol with him right now. It was quiet, very quiet, while you walk through a abounded building with him. You’ve met some clickers on your way, but they were easy to kill. “So, was it already so quiet when Tommy was out on patrol?”, you ask him while you reload your gun. “‘haven’t talked to him”, he answers cold. You look at him confused, because they usually always exchange about their patrols.

“Why didn’t you?”, you ask curiously.

“Why would you care?”, he scoffs and doesn’t even look at you. He stands up and continues to walk.

Asshole.

“We have to move, come on”, he adds. You just roll your eyes at him, get up and follow him. “Well I care, because we have to know what we have to expect.”, you mumble pissed.

He turns around to look at you with a stern look. “If you would shut your fucking mouth, maybe we could hear what we have to expect”

Yeah, that’s it.

“You know what, I don’t fucking care. I understand that we’re definitely not friends, but that doesn’t mean you have to act like the arrogant bastard you are.”, you speak upset. “Guess what, I don’t like you either, but at least I try to be nice to you!”

“Shut up.”, he whispers harshly.

“You want me to shut up?! Did I hurt your ego because someone finally said how you really are, Joel Miller?! I swear I’ll soon kick you in your non-exciting balls-“ He suddenly slams you against the wall and covers your mouth with his hand. “I said, be. quiet.”, he growls quietly. You try to move and push him away, but he’s too strong.

As you give up and stare into his eyes, you hear it too, stalkers.

You feel how the speed of your heartbeat increases and feel the big ache between your legs again, but even stronger as the last time’s. His chest was pressed onto yours and you sense his hot breath on your neck. While Joel’s concentrated on the sound of the stalkers, you get a chance to admire his face closely. His hazel eyes, his lips… and his nose.

Fuck.

As the stalker noises get quiet and disappear, you gulp as he stares into your eyes. He releases your mouth from his hand and you take a deep breath. “s-so.. where was I-?”, he cuts you off.

“You really can’t shut up, can you?”, he raises an eyebrow at you as he asks.

“You fucking basta-“, suddenly he smashes his lips on yours. That’s when you get quiet. Your heart was beating out of your chest while you were melting under his touch. You can’t resist and wrap your arms around his neck while kissing him back.

Joel’s hands run up your curves while he’s pulling you even closer to his body. You feel how his dick begins to harden under the fabric of his jeans. He stops kissing your lips and continues to place kisses on your neck to leave you with his marks. You whimper softly as you feel how his hand glides down your stomach. As Joel slides his hand under your pants, he touches your already wet panties. “god, were you so desperate to be touched? you dirty little girl.”, he whispers in your ear and nibbles on it. “Fuck, Joel-“, you breathe. He pushes your panties aside and his thumb starts to rub your clit slightly.

“you need to be quiet, darling.”, he whispers again as you feel his hot breath on your neck again. As you nod and give him your permission he slides two of his fingers into your core. “Joel- I-“, you begin to breath heavy. You really tried to keep quiet, but as he starts to pump his fingers into you… “Joel, I can’t-“, you moan, that’s when he puts his hand over your mouth again.

“keep fucking quiet, you’re gonna’ get us killed..”, he growls as he stares into your eyes.

While he continues shoving his fingers inside you, your hands make your way to his belt. As you start to unbuckle it, he slaps your hands away. “not here.”, he whispers harshly.

“Please Joel-, I need you.”, you whine.

“No.”, he says with his deep voice, which even more aroused you. You start to feel your climax coming nearer, so does Joel as your inner walls squeeze his fingers gently. “Joel, I’m gonna-“, you cry out and he immediately covers your mouth again. “thats it, baby.. cum all over my fingers, darling…”, he whispers right into your ear and that’s when you reach your climax. He presses his hand onto your mouth to quiet down your moan and a slight smirk appears on his face. As your legs are still shaking, your hands try to unbuckle his belt again, but this time, he lets you do it.

“Fuck, y/n… you really want to get us killed, don’t you”, Joel groans quietly.

“Please Joel-, just-“, he cuts you off while slamming his lips onto yours again. He flicks his younger against yours and gasps as your hand touches his clothed dick. “Goddammit, y/n!”, he growls.

“Please Joel, I need you inside of me-“, that’s when he can’t resist your begging and he turns you around the wall and pushes you against it. “‘risking to get killed, just to be fucked by daddy’s cock”, he whispers and you hear how he pushes his pants down, which leaves a smile on your face. He takes his dick into his hand and rubs the tip at your wet pussy. His other hand glides to your mouth again, because he knows you definitely can’t keep quiet.

And he’s right.

You cry out loud as he pushes his shaft into your throbbing core.

God, he’s big.

“Fuck.”, he exhales. He begins to thrust into you while your moans get louder, he presses his hand harder on your mouth. “Such a good girl, taking my dick so fucking good”, Joel praises which makes you squirm under his grip. His other hand rests on your waist and his breath starts to get heavier. As he increases the speed, you feel how your legs begin to shake again. “how long have you been waiting for this, hm…?”, he breathes into your ear and wraps his arm around you to pull you closer. Joel begins to hit your g-spot and as your breath becomes heavier, your moans do too.

“Use your words, princess”, he groans into your ear.

“S-since you came here-“, you try to answer while he’s trying to muffle your moans again. You hear him chuckle. “‘never thought that you’re such a dirty girl”, he whispers. “‘squeezing my dick real good- you’re gonna’ cum?”. You nod.

“Words.”, he growls. “Y-yes, I’m gonna cum!”, you whine and you rech your climax. As your pussy tightens around his cock, you hear his groan and feel how he fills you up with his cum, leaving you two breathless.

.

.

.

As we walked back to Jackson, he was quiet, too quiet. “‘you’re okay?”, you ask concerned and also confused while he’s walking in front of you. “This was a mistake”, he growls and keeps walking. “What- I don’t understand-“, you mumble confused and grab after his hand so he stops walking. “What don’t you understand?”, he speaks louder and pulls his hand away. “This, was a mistake”, he points with his finger at you and himself. “A fucking big one.”, he growls and turns around to walk. “So, after you just fucked the shit out of me in a building full of zombies, you tell me that this was a mistake?!”, you almost shout and walk after him.

I can’t believe him, you think.

“yes, that’s exactly what I mean.”, he points out and it seems like he really doesn’t care. “Are you kidding me right now?! Don’t you notice how fucked up this is?! You fuck me and now tell me it was a mistake, and you don’t even feel bad!”, you shout after him upset and try not to tear up. “Exactly”, he just answers coldly.

“And now what huh?!”, you try to grab his hand again and finally get him stop walking. He turns around and just looks at you, his eyes were pitch black now. You don’t see any emotions in his face.

“Now, we’re going our separate ways”, he grumbles coldly.

.

.

.

Why do girls always love the bad guy?, you think.

It’s already been two months since it happens with Joel. And like he said, we’re going our separate ways. He didn’t look at you, he didn’t talked to you and he didn’t even went on patrols with you anymore. And you really tried to hate him, and did because of what he did, but you couldn’t get this night with him out of your mind anymore. Every time you close your eyes, you feel his lips on yours and his dick thrusting deep into you.

So, since he really didn’t felt bad and ignored you like you don’t exist, you tried to keep on with your life and tried dating again. You’ve met a really nice boy, Jack. He was two years older than you and he really was a gentleman. He was nice, kind and lovely. He made you laugh and feel safe. Since Joel didn’t go on patrols with you again, he did. And it was fun. Today you’ve had your third date already and as you walk into the bar, you see Joel sitting there.

Fuck.

And that’s when it hits your memory again. His hand pressed on your mouth, his hot breath on your neck and his dick pounding into you. You got pulled out of your mind, as you feel Jack’s hand on your waist. “Hey there, beautiful”, he says with his sweet smile. “Hey”, you smile back and go with him to your table. You thought Joel didn’t notice you, but he did. He saw you with this guy before, and god it has made him jealous. But Joel’s good at hiding his feelings, always hiding how he looks at you in secret.

You and Jack had a good time. Sometimes you took a glance at Joel, but his back was turned towards you. As you two finished eating, you stood up and wanted to look after Joel, but he wasn’t sitting there anymore. “I’ll pay real quick, you can wait outside”, Jack says and places a kiss on your cheek.

You nod and go outside. It’s already dark outside. A breeze of cold air flies against your body and you get goosebumps. That’s when you let your keys fall. “Fuck…”, you swear and try to see them in the dark. As you spot them, you bend down but suddenly someone else picks them up.

As you look up, you freeze:

“Joel.”

-> part 2

[lqveharrington]

Silver Roses & Fallen Snow

8: The Planning (series masterlist)

summary: You finally see Coriolanus for the first time in weeks, but it shakes the both of you to the core.

pairing: young!coriolanus snow x fem!reader

includes: explicit thoughts, explicit language, mentions of death, mentions of cheating

wc: 3.4k+

a/n: this series is the epitome of my life 🤍

To say you were shocked to see Coriolanus back from peacekeeping twenty years early was an understatement. The last time you heard about Coriolanus was a week ago and it was barely any information. You guessed that he could climb his way back up the ranks, but you would never know unless someone told you… However, you kept your shock from altering your facial features, but that didn’t stop Coriolanus from approaching your table. Luckily, Festus came back from grabbing his own drink before a certain blonde reached you.

“Hey, we have to go.” You shut your planner as he began to sit down, making him throw you a skeptical look. You opened your mouth, looking for a random excuse to leave the outing you wanted to take. “I… uhm, I forgot I have to meet Clemmie for the gala plans.”

He raised his brows in surprise. You rarely forgot about something, especially when you kept your planner with you every second since your father moved up the engagement. So Festus knew you were avoiding something with the way you kept your gaze locked on his and how you kept spinning the ring on your finger. “Okay. But just so you know, Clemensia won’t give away any details.”

You tilt your head with a faint smile on your lips. That part was true. Clemensia loved planning parties, so you hired her to become the Lovett family’s official planner. You took Festus’ arm when he offered it, quickly grabbing your hot chocolate and planner in the other. Unfortunately, before you could take a step out of the cafe, a voice called out to the both of you. A distinct voice that made you flinch at the mere sound.

Festus widened his eyes. So that’s why you wanted to leave. He didn’t have any issues with the young Snow himself, but Festus respected your wishes. He squeezed your arm in comfort and turned around with a tight-lipped smile. “Coriolanus! When did you get back?”

“Just a couple days ago. Dr. Gaul has kept me under her wings since I’ve arrived.” Coriolanus shrugged his shoulders when he came face to face with the both of you. He glanced over at you, frowning when you kept your gaze on your paper cup. He watched you for a little longer, making the silence unbearable for each party. Coriolanus cleared his throat, looking back at Festus. “How have you been?

He felt you squeeze his arm, opting to keep the conversation short and sweet for your sake. “It’s been pretty busy.”

Coriolanus tilted his head at the curt answer. He sent the male across from him a puzzled look before responding, “I won’t keep you two long since you looked like you were going to leave. I have to head back before the Plinths rebuke their offer anyway.”

You furrow your brows at his words, finally looking up. His words intrigued you, but you suddenly felt suffocated. Your breath hitched in your throat. You didn’t take a good look at Coriolanus earlier and now you wish you hadn’t looked up at all. He was fucking jacked. What the hell were they feeding him in District 12? Sure, he looked… Pretty much the same. But his build got much bigger and his hair was still growing out from its buzz cut; Of course, you couldn’t help but eye him when he wore such a revealing shirt. You wondered how much stronger he got and how he could—

No. You stopped wondering. You weren’t dating him anymore. Feeling your face warm at your thoughts, you flickered your eyes back from his form to his — now — sapphire-colored eyes. A small smirk played on his lips as he caught you in the act, making it harder for you not to roll your eyes at his antics.

Now was not the time to think about your past relationship together. Even when he looked so fucking hot. You averted your eyes again, mentally cursing him for having such a strong effect on you.

Coriolanus tilted his head down as he smiled to himself. You had shown your cards to him, yet he knew why you didn’t act upon your feelings. He knew that you hadn’t forgotten about his past actions during the Games, causing him to act differently when interacting with you. He spoke softly when he finally acknowledged you instead of just staring — voice laced with an emotion you couldn’t place.

You grip your planner tighter, heart constricting at the sound of your name falling from his lips. Of course, his voice did something to you too. You respond politely, catching a glimpse of his dimples before it disappears. “Coriolanus.”

“How have you been?” He glances at the ring adorning your finger again.

This time, you catch him staring at the fine piece of jewelry, making you hide it once more. “I’ve been okay.” You say quietly. Not even a second later, your mouth went dry, your mind slowly wandering back to sinful thoughts when you catch his hand rubbing his jaw in thought.

Another awkward silence encapsulated the three of you. You and Coriolanus stared at each other, lost in a multitude of thoughts. It’s been over a month since you last interacted with one another and it wasn’t like you both left off on a good note.

Festus glanced between the two of you before clearing his throat when he saw your eyes glaze over. “Sorry to cut our conversation short, but we need to get going. Clemensia is waiting for us back at Lovett Manor.”

Coriolanus snapped his head back over to the male, forgetting he was present. “Go ahead, I’m still waiting on drinks for Tigris and Grandma’am.” His regret-filled eyes met your gaze again, softly speaking. He didn’t really want you to leave yet. Not when he just saw you again for the first time in a while. “It was nice catching up with you.”

You gave him a sad smile and nodded, following Festus out of the cafe. Seeing Coriolanus Snow again was not on your planner.

“Tigris?” Coriolanus entered the Snow penthouse with drinks in tow. He knew by your reaction at the cafe that you were in touch with Tigris more than he thought you would be. Passing the rebuilt and redecorated rooms of the penthouse, he continued to call out for his cousin. He knew he could get more information about you out of her. “Tigris?”

“I’m in here!” The blonde shouted from her new sewing room that was all bought for by Strabo Plinth. She dabbed at the sheen of sweat on her forehead as Coriolanus entered with her tea. “Oh, thank you, Coriolanus.”

He hummed and pulled a chair out, straddling the seat as his cousin sipped the hot tea. “You’ll never guess who I saw today.”

“Who?” She gave a satisfied sound as the hot liquid soothed her throat.

Your name fell from his lips effortlessly — a turned-down smile replacing his cool display. Tigris chalked it up to her cousin missing you dearly, making her rub his back comfortingly.

“How is she?” Tigris sat across from Coriolanus. She watched his smile widen just a little before it dropped. “Coriolanus?”

He snapped his eyes back onto hers, “I was wondering the same thing, Tigris.” Coriolanus clasped his hands together to stop his fidgeting, urging himself not to reach for the silver rose tucked underneath his shirt. “It occurred to me that when you called me, that wasn’t her first time speaking with you after I left. She wouldn’t have been too comfortable looking for you in the coffee shop if she didn’t.”

The older blonde raised her brows, stunned at her cousin’s sudden accusation. Although it was quite correct, she felt that he would do something that wouldn’t be lawful if she admitted to talking to you more often than he thought. “Well, we spent the afternoon catching up, Coriolanus. It had been weeks since I last saw her in person before you called.”

Fuck it. He reached for the necklace and twisted the charm between his fingertips. “So you called her? What did she tell you?”

“If you’re so interested in her life, ask her yourself.” Tigris stood up and walked over to the sewing machine, rubbing her temple in exhaustion. “Coriolanus, I’m tired. We had to sign off on all the contractors for the penthouse and then move back in within a week. They’re still refurbishing the place as we speak.”

“I would ask her myself, Tigris. But she won’t listen. She wanted to leave the second she saw me.”

“Maybe because you cheated on her!” Tigris put her hand out toward him. She wore a look of exasperation as he looked at her, stunned by the words. “Coriolanus, if I were her, I too would avoid the person who cheated on me. Especially when that person said they have loved me since we were children.”

Coriolanus stared up at her like she was insane for shouting at him. Yes, he cheated on you. But it was all for you wasn’t it? He could have come up with a better idea, but he was desperate to win your father over for you. And it wasn’t like he sought Lucy Gray out in the Districts. Sejanus clearly did so. However, Tigris made her point. He knew he had to gain your trust once more; he just didn’t know how.

“Now get out, Coriolanus. I need to finish this dress before the gala.”

Oh. He thought, pushing out of the chair. He quickly shut the door and took quick strides to his room, glancing at the photo on his desk. The gala might just work.

“Hey, didn’t I say not to do that? You could seriously get hurt if you fought with someone untrained.” Finn caught your wrist in a swift motion, eyebrows creased at your tense body and face. “What’s wrong?”

You huff and push yourself out of the rink, leaning against the pole. “Did you know Coriolanus is back from peacekeeping?”

He raised a brow and tossed a water bottle toward you. “No, thanks for the information on blondie though.”

Rolling your eyes, you continue with your spiel. “Anyway, we kind of ran into each other at the cafe. God, it was so awkward, Finn! He kept looking over at me when he would talk to Festus, and I swear, he purposely smiled with his dimples to get a reaction out of me. And when I tell you that he’s like—“

“Uh-huh. No, keep talking about how much you like your ex.”

“What?” You throw him a dirty look. What could you have possibly said that made him think you liked Coriolanus?

“Well, you kept talking about him for starters. I mean, all our conversations end up with you talking about him at some point.” Finn nudged your arm, watching you glare at him with intensity. “You asked!”

“I didn’t mean to say it out loud.” You mutter, spinning the ring on your finger again. It wasn’t your fault Coriolanus looked different…

Stop! You’re not dating anymore!

Finn gives you a worried look as a scowl makes its way to your face from your thoughts. “If you need a reminder, he cheated on you. He broke your trust when you thought everything was going to be fine.”

That sobered you up fast. Coriolanus cheated on you with a tribute. From District Twelve. Sure he apologized many times, but you couldn’t bring yourself to trust him after that. What if he cheated again? What if he lies to you again? No, your broken heart couldn’t handle another day where it could be back-stabbed and absolutely shattered once more.

“Are you okay?” Finn tapped your hand as you snapped out of your dazed look.

You nodded and cleared your throat. You could worry about Coriolanus any other time. Right now you had to train. Especially when the gala was fast approaching. There were other things that you needed to get right before fixing other mistakes like what you were going to do about Sejanus’ death.

His death was surprising. He had been careful when talking about his rebel plans with others he could trust. Which meant someone had betrayed him. But who? Of course, Sejanus wouldn’t tell another peacekeeper about his plans — that was too risky. That meant someone in the District betrayed him. You just had to figure it out.

You relayed your thoughts to Finn, who gave you an intrigued look.

“How are you going to do that?” He blocked your jabs, the mind weighing the options of the set plan.

“Well,” You roll your shoulders before aiming toward his boxing pads again. “The Lovett Gala is coming up, and my father requests more staff as he intends to invite most of the Capitol Elites. He was going to hire more lower-class Capitolites, but since he felt like being… Generous, he decided that he was going to hire those from the poorer Districts.”

He raised a brow, “You really thought this all the way through.”

“Of course.” You give him a quick smile. “And you’ll have an invite. You won’t have to sneak in with the staff.”

“How kind of you.” Sarcasm dripped from Finn’s voice. “I have to put on my best suit.”

“You own a suit?” You tilt your head to the side.

Finn swept your legs, “And your session is officially done for the day.” He pulled you up when you apologized, squeezing your arm. Finn removed his boxing pads as you quickly lost the gloves. He knew you were joking, but his advice seemed fitting for both your plan and your smart mouth. “Please think about your choices before you commit. I don’t want you to be pushed into trouble.”

You gave a curt nod, half listening to his words. Trouble was nothing your mind and heart couldn’t handle.

For weeks, you had been looking for something to take your mind off Coriolanus. And you thought boxing solved your issues, but seeing him reset your entire progress. You were thrown off guard, and the only way to deal with the issue was to face it. But how could you? Coriolanus is, was, the epitome of your entire life. And somewhere deep in your heart, he was still buried there. No, you needed to avoid him for as long as you could.

“Clemmie, I don’t think we need two orchestras.” You read her notes and glance at all the other photos and drawings scattered around your room. When you don’t get a response from her, you look up to find her running around your room to find another pair of notes. “Clemensia, you need a break.”

She stops shuffling through a stack of papers and looks over at you with a quizzical expression. “The gala is in exactly one week, and you’re telling me to stop?” The raven-haired girl flicks through the papers before finding the one she needs, handing you a copy.

You read through the paper, finding it to be an invitation list of all the prestigious Capitolites. Some you recognized; some you didn’t even know existed until now.

“We can’t stop until everything is sorted out. And your father requested that at the end of the gala, you and Festus need to make an announcement on your engagement since you didn’t make the papers when he proposed.” She waved a hand in the air and scrunched her nose. “Honestly, your father is kinda crazy. Sorry.”

“He is.” You shrug but continue to scan over the list, a small frown tugging at your lips at Coriolanus’ name. You twist the end of the paper with your finger, hoping that this is just a draft. “Are we inviting all of these people?”

“Uh,” Clemensia glanced over at your paper and then back at hers. She pulled a face before flickering through another stack of papers. “I think so. That was the list your father handed me a couple of days ago.” She handed you a small, card stock paper. “These were the invitations he chose to be sent out. They just need to be hand delivered today and you should be getting RSVPs as early as tomorrow morning.”

You carefully take the navy blue invitation from her hand, running your fingers over the indents of the words. “But why would my father invite the Snows? I thought he hated them?”

She let out a sigh, “Honestly? I think it's a given that he has to invite them. If not, there would be questions. The Snows and the Lovetts have been bound together since before you were born.”

Raising a brow, you eye the invitation again, slipping it underneath your comforters. “Right, we have to keep appearances up.”

“Mhm,” Clemensia put her hands on her hips and clicked her tongue at the mess. “I really need to get more organized.” She continued to push the stacks and drawings out of her reach, still looking for a specific piece of parchment.

“Anyway, since you’re visiting the modiste later this week, you need a new dress for the gala. Your father wants blue for the theme, but since you’re the hostess, you can pick whatever you please to stand out.” She smiles when she finds the parchment, quickly shoving it into your hands. “Do you like it?”

Your eyes widen at the drawing. The intricate design of your manor’s interior for the gala was beautifully done. “I love it. Clemmie, it’s amazing!”

“Thank you.” She did a faux bow and grinned wider. “All I needed was the approval from you to get this design done.”

You squeeze her hand, “It’s beautiful. The Capitol will be dying to know who designed this all.”

She gladly accepts the compliments before switching back to head planner mode. “The invitations are being sent out right about…” She eyes the clock on your wall before nodding her head. “Now.”

The doorbell rang at the Snow Penthouse, causing Coriolanus to lose his train of thought. He was trying to read a book covering the subject of animal mutants for Dr. Gaul but the thought of seeing you earlier kept his mind occupied. He wanted so badly to apologize in front of the entire cafe, ready to beg on his knees for your forgiveness — but he had more dignity than that. He wasn’t some dog. Instead, he believed he found another way to talk to you. One where you knew you couldn’t escape right away.

The sound of the doorbell ringing again echoed through the penthouse, making Tigris roll her eyes at the impatience of the person. “Coriolanus, can you see who’s at the door?”

He begrudgingly stood up from the sofa and ran his fingers through his short hair, smoothing out any creases in his dress shirt. Coriolanus flung the door open and gave the Avox a bored look, “Yes?”

The Avox handed him the navy blue envelope, nodding at him before taking their leave — leaving a confused Coriolanus. He flipped the envelope to see the Lovett seal, curiosity filling his mind. He shut the door and peeled open the envelope, eyes scanning the cardstock. So your father did invite the Snow family still. Coriolanus bit the inside of his cheek and made his way back over to Tigris, waving the invitation at her. She furrowed her eyebrows at him, tilting her head in agitation.

“What?” She placed her clothes down as she stared at the invitation with zero interest.

“This was at the door, I thought I should let you know.” Coriolanus handed her the cardstock with confusion. “I didn’t think they would still invite us.”

Tigris huffed, “Coriolanus, her father cares about their image as much as we do. They’ll invite us because if they don’t, everyone will wonder exactly what happened with you two. No one knows the full extent.” She handed him the invitation back as she continued to make a silver dress. “Do you wish to go?”

“I was going to ask you that. It’s addressed to you.” He leaned against the doorway with an annoyed look on his face. “I can’t accept it with your name on it.”

“Just RSVP and I’ll take you.” She stopped the urge to roll her eyes at how dense Coriolanus could get whenever the conversation would switch to you. “Honestly…” She muttered as he walked out of the room with the invitation clutched in his right hand.

So the Lovett Gala it was.

Coriolanus’ plan was officially set into motion and your plan was just getting started.

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©lqveharrington - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms

[sakumz]

a/n : tw reader has family issues, slight gore

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[ g. kaldo x fem reader ]

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you slam the telephone down in your office. kaldo slightly jolts from the sudden noise as he placed the daily newspaper he was reading back on the small table next to the couch. taking one quick sip of his honeyed coffee before making his remark.

" what's got you so worked up in the morning? "

" morning? it's already noon! " you scold as you turn to face him, the tears on your eyes barely noticeable.

" they should call you the angry cane, " he jokes as you slump back down on your chair.

" what are you even doing in my office? "

" just chilling, I'm free. there's really nothing for me to do here, I could go home if I wanted to but I'd feel bad for the rest working their asses off. anyways enough about me but let me guess who was on the phone! your sister right? " he had a hand on his chin before snapping his fingers together.

" yeah... "

work was your escape from the family house you grew up in. magic was everything in this world. if your magic was stronger everyone would possibly respect you right? or so you thought. growing up as the big sister and middle child of five siblings. you're bound to be compared to your older brothers. it was unfair if only your parents didn't value one gender over the other. your brothers weren't as great as you. your first brother works in the bureau of magic but you're a divine visionary, also part of the bureau of magic so why? why does your parents still expect more from you? his wife recently gave birth to his second child. your second brother, step brother, is peacefully living his life as a successful bakery owner. both your younger siblings were in high school, both in their first year, one's your biological sister and the other is your half sister or not half but step sister. you're barely 23 and yet everything feels so far apart.

" so incompetent. " you mumbled as kaldo tilts his head.

" why? " you can't help but whisper as tears starts to prick your eyes. kaldo stays silent.

" I'm a divine visionary yet what more can she expect from me? I've done everything I can to be the best... I've even slayed that one dragon beast, earning a title... I've saved countless of people. so why? " you can't help but bawl your eyes out. kaldo gets up from the couch as he approaches you, rubbing slow circles on your back.

" you're more than the best, they don't say it but if they're not proud of you then I am. nothing can change that. I think you're incredible. " he says, calming you down.

you left the house and had been living by yourself ever since high school up till now. you don't have a reason for being in a place that haunts you for not being better than your older brothers. your sister called you earlier, inviting you to the family's dinner party tonight.

" kaldo... come with me to my family's dinner tonight, " you look up at him.

" your step mother will be there? " hearing those words, you can't help but glare at him. your real mother had been dead since your sister was born. that step mother of yours, doesn't even look one bit like you! isn't it obvious she's not your real mother. kaldo did visit your family house once, all the portraits of your real mother were replaced by her face. there's barely any family photos hung on the walls either.

" yeah. " you spat as he smiles.

" am I coming as your co-worker, best friend or potential lover maybe husband even? " you blush at his words.

" c-c-co-worker! "

after work, you and kaldo made your way to the family house. not bothering to change out of your work clothes. nervousness didn't bother to eat you. you felt oddly confident, having kaldo with you. if there's bloodshed today, you're certain it'll be your victory. kaldo feels happy he's going in the house again. he talked to the others about visiting the grand family house and no one was surprised he finally managed to visit it. everyone having gone in once as well but this second visit will make him special! if only he knew the madl family was a close partner to your family's. that means orter and his brother used to come over frequently to play. he didn't know that, of course.

" welcome home. " the house butler greets you, surprised to see you bringing a plus one, a male too.

" good to see you Mr butler, " he smiles at the nickname you've given him, barely remembering the last he heard you calling him that. he takes your coat and kaldo's as he hung it on the rack, near the entrance doors. before walking you to the dinning table.

everyone was quiet for a moment, taking in your appearance and the man next to you. your father sat at the end of the table, your step mother next to him and your first brother on his other side. everyone has taken their seats and the vacant ones were the one directly facing your father, the seat next to it or the two seats next to your step mother.

kaldo pats your shoulder. you take this as a sign to sit. you took the seat directly infront of your father as kaldo sits next to you, next to him was your sister.

everyone starts to eat, the table was quiet. you were surprised how kaldo didn't say anything. the food was a distraction, how you miss the cooking of the house. truth be told, the only good parts to living here was the workers who serve the family. your father clears his throat as the attention shifted to him.

" when are you, y/n going to get married? " he questions as everyone turns to look at you. you drop your fork on the plate as a surprise to the question.

" isnt it obvious, she's dating the guy next to her? " your step brother jokes as you cast a spell controlling his shadow to slightly tug at his leg, making him hit the table. all the plates, glasses and bowls clanks to the movement.

" orter madl would've been the best one for her to marry, " your first brother chimes in. his wife next to him, nods.

" big brother i want to marry him, don't say that! " your step sister says as she slams her hand on the table.

" ew, I doubt he'll even bat an eye at you. remember when he came over to watch the divine visionary candidate test, he said you were incompetent and far from his type. don't try your luck, " you can't help but laugh at what your sister said. everyone turning back to you.

" sorry, but orter would rather stab himself than be with you. " you wipe the tears from your eyes as kaldo smiles.

" anyways, I can't see myself with orter. we're best friends and I wouldn't want to be in an arranged marriage with someone who didn't get the freedom to pick who they'll marry. especially one just to tie the family together. " you finish the sentence as you look directly at your father.

" well we didn't say you'll be in one, marrying the orter madl gives you some sort of high title. you should take it, " your step mother says.

" I'll be fine. besides kaldo here, will be my life long partner. " hearing you say that, got kaldo grinning from ear to ear.

" that man, doesn't look like kaldo gehenna. " your step brother says matter of fact. " maybe you've casted a spell to make some other guy look like him and then brought the man over. "

" that's a pity, if it's true! Hahaha, " your step sister laughs.

" be quiet, is it true? you, kaldo gehenna will marry y/n? " your father says, turning to look at the man.

his eyes open, smiling at him as he says, " yes, and insulting me won't go unnoticed. you shall receive punishment for that. I could get you expelled from easton academy and I can burn down your precious bakery. "

" don't do that, say something! y/n! " your step mother shouts as she slams her hands on the table, dropping down a glass next to the floor.

" shut up, this is beyond my control and why should I control the actions of my beloved? " you question as this bubbles up her anger. she summon her wand, casting a spell to pick up a broken glass to throw it as you. it cut your cheek, you felt the blood run down. you stand up from your seat.

out of anger, you threw the glass next to you at your father. aiming for the wall behind him, he was unfazed. everyone looked at you. have you gone crazy? that's the man who created you with your late mother. the man who spends money on you, lets you live in his house.

" y/n, sit. " your father ordered as you stand, not moving an inch.

" no, thanks for dinner. I'm sorry dear sister. I can't stay for long and if I could, I would have done so long ago. you know I'm strong. I've defeated countless of monsters, that doesn't change the fact I can take the life of humans too. " your step family, shudders at the thought. a cold blooded bloodbath with them? maybe together with your father and big brother too. you turn your back against them. kaldo stands and places a hand over your back.

" she'll be in good hands, family in law. "

" who said anything about letting you into this family? your father work hard raising you and all you do is act like a brat. you're all bark and no bites! if only you were like your big brother. " your step mother shouts as she stands from her seat.

" bark and no bites? " a shadow came over her neck, holding her up slightly away from the ground.

"h-h-help me dear, " she calls for your father as she tries to grab his shoulder.

" drop it, y/n. " your father says.

" yeah, stop it, " your big brother speaks.

the shadow disappeared, dropping her to the ground. she wraps one hand over the place where the shadow was at, little did she realise there was a burnt imprinted left.

" are you sure, you still want to marry that mad witch? she nearly took her mother's life! " your step brother says, as both the step siblings rushed to their mother's side.

" she's not my mother. " you mumbled out loud.

" I don't care, what she does. even if her hands are bloodied. even if she'll kill me. she's mine and I'll still love her. " kaldo takes your hand to plant a kiss, turning over to look at them all.

" let's go, " you say to kaldo as you both took your leave.

walking around the now empty streets, it was already late into the night. you didn't feel one bit of guilt, the glass cut healed immediately after you left. you held kaldos hand eversince you left the house. he didn't want to let go and wished you didn't pull away. now, standing on a bridge. the soft water noises, wind blowing, prettily lit starry sky. you can't help but be drawn to those.

" sorry, " you apologise as kaldo stands closer to you, shoulder to shoulder touching.

" that was a hell of a dinner huh? " you start, sighing. if your real mother was still around. she'll definitely embrace you like she always did.

" don't be sorry, I'd kill too if I had to keep up with all of that till I'm finally free from those horrors. she hates you because you look so much like your mother, " he places his other hand to your cheek. stroking it slow and tenderly.

" no I mean, sorry for making it seem like we'll marry. unless you really want to, " you placed both hands over your mouth.

" HUH!? so you don't intend to be my lifelong partner? were you going to marry orter and prove them right? " he babbles as you laugh, putting your hands by your side.

" I really love you, kaldo gehenna. " you confessed, his eyes shot open and his eyes met yours, so full of love and adoration.

you lean close, nose brushing against his as you shut your eyes and give him a kiss to his lips. you feel his arms snake around your waist, pulling you closer.

pulling apart, to catch your breath. you don't fail to notice his silghtly red face and the soft smile that doesn't seem to go away.

" I promise to be your sword and shield. I vow to be yours. I love you so much, " he takes your hand to his lips, placing a kiss as he drags you along.

" say, if we're together. can we skip the dating parts and just get married? " he says as you can see your house draw closer.

" yeah let's just get married, we've already known each other quite long too. "

" great, the wedding will be next week then! " he cheers as you unlock the doors of your house. you gave him a soft smile as you gave him one last kiss to the cheek before bidding him goodbye and a get home safely.

kaldo couldn't sleep that night, he was over the moon. the girl of his dreams finally said yes to him and had felt the same way as he. he couldn't help but call ryoh that night, gossiping the night away. ryoh too, was so happy for the man but gods he wished he'd shut up. he was tired from work and was looking forward to cuddling the night away with his wife.

" please free me. I have a wife to attend to, " ryoh mumbles out loud, catching the flame cane off guard.

" my, its so late well see you tomorrow and thank you for lending me a listening ear, goodnight ryoh. " he hangs up momentarily, forcing himself to sleep.

the next day as he walked to your office, he heard yours and orter's voices. he decides to wait by the door as he eavesdrop on the conversation.

" after the dinner, your sister called me. she said it was a disaster and they were expecting you'd marry me but you chose kaldo? " orter was leaning on the door, arms crossed after the other as you sat by your desk.

" you wouldn't want to marry me either. besides I just can't imagine you as the father of my children. I want a guy who knows how to wow his kids! " you laugh at the idea of kaldo being the fun parent.

" i see, you're all grown up now. well if there's anything I can help you with, let me know. I might even babysit them once or twice. " he offers, pushing his glasses up his face, not failing to notice the smile on your face.

" what a great best friend you are! do you want a hug? " you beamed as orter pushes himself off the wall. remembering the last time you gave him a hug, it was bone crushing. you managed to manipulate and manifest his shadow into 3d! making that give him a hug.

" no, " he opens the door as kaldo pretends he's just got there.

" get back to work, don't just flirt with her all day. " orter scolds as kaldo sighs, handling him the coffee he prepared for you. he'll just come back with a better and sweeter batch for you he thinks as he walks away dreadfully. he hears you laugh as he walks away, making a smile crawl up his face.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading roundup: May 2024

you guyssssss you guys you guys you guys I've been reading so much this month :)

sometimes my brain gets the itch to just DEVOUR books and it's really been on me, probably thanks to the burst of energy + free time that comes with the semester ending and summer getting started! the days are longer, the last of my season depression has been kicked to the curb, and I can spend hours reading on the porch every evening. the ideal!

right now, as the month ends, I'm feeling a particular hankering towards nonfiction and juicy new summer novels; I reblogged a Lit Hub roundup of new books the other day that got my brain buzzinggggg with excitement for the coming months. we'll see if that ends up manifesting in the June roundup, but for now, here's what kept me busy in May:

Paris Daillencourt is About to Crumble (Alexis Hall, 2022) - this month I read two romance novels picked by my beautiful patreonites; I did a compare/contrast between the two over on Patreon and I'll leave the majority of my thoughts there, but suffice to say that I am not a fan of Paris. definitely the weakest of the three Alexis Hall novels, and a real disappointment since I found the other two delightful. the story is straightforward enough and has some potential for sure, but Paris as a protagonist is a sodden mess who I found just insufferable. thumbs down from me, gang.

Chef's Kiss (TJ Alexander, 2022) - hi, it's the other romance novel. this one is a lot goofier than Paris Daillencourt, which is fitting since it's BA Test Kitchen rpf starring a bisexual Claire Saffitz and a nonbinary Brad Leone. it's frustrating because the story is definitely stronger than the one in Paris but the romance is piteously undercooked, although I was at least fine with the protag and her love interest getting together - they were boring but unobjectionable, unlike Paris and his love interest who I really thought would have been better off as friends. now that I'm thinking about it, you might get a perfect queer cooking show romance novel if you somehow mashed the two of them together. they're both, like, so close to working, but ultimately fall flat.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 4-6 (Ryoko Kui, 2018) - I don't even know what to say except that I'm still loving everything about Dungeon Meshi. the craft and thought that Kui puts into every facet of the world, from the big picture politics between fantasy races to the individual thoughts and feelings of each character, shows so much love for the world without ever being overbearing; it never feels like exposition is being hammered down my throat so much as little details are being tastefully arranged to be enjoyed at whatever speed and to whatever extent the reader likes. the world is getting bigger with each chapter and I'm looking forward to exploring more, especially now that Falin's hottie monster form and that good good catgirl have entered the chat.

Earthdivers Vol. 2: Ice Age (Stephen Graham Jones, Riccardo Burchielli, Patricio Depeche, Emily Schnall, Joana Lafuente, 2024) - once again I've done the worst thing that you can do as a comics fan, which is get invested in a series that's just starting out and is still releasing individual issues. the third trade paperback won't be out until December, so I guess I'm either going to have to go on hiatus with Earthdivers or start chasing down new releases on comic pirating sites, which feels shitty - that's how I read Batman comics that are the same age as me, not new stuff from authors I actually want to support! but Earthdivers might just be worth it. the second installment takes us to a wildly different setting than the first, Columbus-killing collection, dropping fearsome mother Tawny in a prehistoric North America. but while the setting changes, the series is still grappling with the question of what its protagonists are willing to sacrifice and who they're willing to become to change the past and save the world. we're starting to see bigger hints about how much history can be altered and catching some clues about the series' antagonist (???); I gotta know what happens next.

Prairie Fires: The American Dreams of Laura Ingalls Wilder (Caroline Fraser, 2017) - here it is, the book that got nonfic so powerfully on the brain! this is a riveting history whether you grew up on Little House on the Prairie or not (I didn't), tracking Laura Ingalls Wilder from an impoverished girl constantly imperiled by life on the prairie to a beloved icon of American propaganda. for me, personally, this hefty book really picks up when it gets to the endlessly complicated and frequently nasty relationship that Wilder had with her daughter when said daughter was grown; Rose Wilder Lane is a FASCINATING figure in her own right and I'm kind of obsessed with what a shithead grifter girlboss she was. fascinating stuff all around.

The Brides of High Hill (Nghi Vo, 2024) - Vo's series of Singing Hills novellas has always woven from one genre to another, exploring new types of stories just as our protagonist, the cleric Chih, explores new lands. this installation takes us straight into a gothic horror that pulls out all the stops: an isolated manor, an enigmatic madman roaming the grounds, the strangling snares of social conventions, and a blushing bride who isn't exactly what she seems. I read it in one sitting, it's delicious.

Superfreaks: Kink, Pleasure, and the Pursuit of Happiness (Arielle Greenberg, 2023) - a poppin' primer for anybody who wants to learn more about the world of kink and what the fuck is going on out there. at one point I did catch myself thinking that I was a little underwhelmed and that Greenberg wasn't really putting forth anything that radical, but then I realized that speaking extremely candidly about and validating interest in basically any kink or fetish imaginable, and yes I do mean straight up any of them, is actually A Lot for many people to handle. so, yeah, good book, check it out for a friendly and enthusiastic intro to the wide world of kink.

Sex Criminals Vol. 2: Two Worlds, One Cop (Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky, 2015) - the first volume of Sex Criminals left me feeling a little meh, but I decided to keep going because Matt Fraction's Hawkeye run was lifechanging and I know this series is pretty widely acclaimed, so I want to see where we're going with this. (plus it's free via the library, so what do I have to lose?) this volume really sold me on the series and particularly on Jon, who I was pretty lukewarm on initially. he really stole the spotlight in this one, and I like the way that the story is ratcheting up the stakes.

The Stone Sky (N.K. Jemisin, 2017) - GOOOOOOOOOD what a book! what a trilogy! in a series shaped by empires and natural disasters, the story ultimately ends with a quit confrontation of clashing ideologies, a young daughter determined to end the world and a mother equally determined that one of her children should live. and that shit hurts! I read the series a couple of times when I was younger but I was never before able to fully appreciate the work Jemisin does in crafting Essun and Nassun, showing us the way cruelty and fear have shaped both of them into the people they ultimately are and the choices they make. absolutely masterful, a legend.

From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World in Search of the Good Death (Caitlin Doughty, 2017) - this was another reread, and while N.K. Jemisin was blowing my mind, Caitlin Doughty was giving me a warm hug. I don't know what to tell you, reading about the ways that people all over the world care for their dead and take comfort in their memories makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. death can be really beautiful and comforting, if you're not a coward.

The Big Reveal: An Illustrated Manifesto of Drag (Sasha Velour, 2023) - listen, I'm not really a Drag Race girlie. I first heard about this book when Velour was a guest on Nicole Byers' podcast, and while I was very charmed by her I was not expecting to be blown away by her book. it's just a little cash-in for a Ru girl, right? all she needs to do is slap together some cool pictures of her in drag and a few platitudes about being yourself and boom bang, that's a book. but readers, I owe Sasha Velour an apology: this book was so much cooler and smarter than it needed to be! Velour brings an impressive eye to forces of colonialism and capitalism that shape art and conceptions of queerness, and keeps this framework firmly in place while keeping the tone of the book bubbly and lighthearted. she also goes out of her way to spotlight a huge variety of drag performers and gender nonconforming figures throughout history, celebrating all the different means of expression that make up the tapestry of contemporary queerness. a great read, and one that I've already shelled out for. a friend and I are working on a documentary exploring the nuances of queer style, and I know I'm gonna want to pull heavily from Velour's thoughts and the history she's curated.

[rubra-wav]

Hi I have this super specific idea if you could maybe do headcanons for it

Charlie, Lilith and Lucifer met Lucifers ex wife which Lucifer left for Lilith and she has changed alot her personality has gone from a shy submissive woman to a more independent and emotionally stronger woman (if you could maybe add the ex wife's daughter and son that are also Lucifer's which he did now about) could you make it angst and platonic thank you

Charlie, Lucifer & Lilith x Lucifer's ex!reader : 'A Changed Soul'

A/N It got a bit vague with lore at points so I'm sorry if the gaps I filled in were really off (Thinking about Lucifer giving more kids daddy issues bro 💀🧍🏻‍♂️)

She's written as an angel who's gone to hell to look at the hotel for Sera after Pentious is redeemed/ the extermination.

Also yeah ofc this is my headcanons for how Lilith acts and whatnot, could be proved absolutely wrong in S2. Never in a million years thought I'd be writing Lilith directly 😭

Cw: SFW, angst, fem!reader, platonic

Charlie

- When you show up on her doorstep, introducing yourself as (name) and as here to review the hotel, she's in awe of you frankly.

- Charlie would be shocked upon meeting you for several reasons.

- Obviously, you're her dad's ex which is extremely awkward to say the least, but also you're so much more different than what she had heard from all the rumours surrounding you.

- Charlie of course agrees to allow you to look around despite how cautious Vaggie is of you, trailing ahead of you and nervously explaining the hotel's various amenities as she went.

- She calms down slightly when you say that you don't hold anything much against her for simply being the daughter of Lucifer and Lilith. That you were just here for business and nothing more.

- At one point during the tour, you abruptly stop in front of the big family portrait of Charlie, Lucifer and Lilith, fist and jaw clenched as you look up at it.

- Charlie stands near the hall as she watches your halo glowing somewhat threateningly before you sigh deeply and calm yourself. She's sympathetic to your anger.

- It's then when Charlie is utterly horrified to learn that she actually has half siblings that she never knew about as you tell her about them.

- And that's when Lucifer himself finally shows up.

- All in all, Charlie just feels incredibly bad for you, she's not too surprised at how different you were since Lucifer left as she wasn't born at that point. She's more shocked to learn that she has family she never knew about.

Lucifer

- When Lucifer sees you in the hotel next to Charlie who ALSO looks displeased at him, he instantly starts panicking.

- "(n-name)! It's been a while- I-! Whats- uh. How have you... been?" Sweat rolls down his brow as he awkwardly grins, looking rapidly between you and his angry daughter.

- You raise a brow at him, hands on your hips as you eye him. "You mean how have I been after you left me and my kids?"

- Lucifer is floored by the tone you give him and takes a couple of seconds to truly realise how much you've changed since he was in heaven. It's clear as can be that you aren't who he used to know.

- Terrible guilt stabbed into him as he realised he was definitely the reason why your warmth and shyness had seemingly ceased to exist.

- He apologised, looking to the side while awkwardly shifting on the spot.

- Truthfully, Lucifer rightfully felt awful about what had happened. It stung to hear you refer to the kids you had together as not 'our' but solely 'my', and to see it was very obvious that you had moved on from him even if you were still pissed off.

- Lucifer naively followed Lilith away from you and look where that got him: Divorced by her, and left all alone to pick up the broken pieces.

- You shortly left after the small exchange you had with him, thanking Charlie on your way out and leaving him to deal with her confronting him about you and your kids.

Lilith

- Lilith was the last person you'd ever want to see again. However, she was a mark on the mission that Sera had given you, and you didn't want to drag out the rather unhappy trip down memory lane you'd already taken that day.

- You were already irritated as you approached Lilith to find her sipping a cocktail and reading a magazine.

- She looked up as you came to a stop about a metre from her seat. Her eyebrows instantly raised upon recognising you.

- "I have to say, it's not fun to know that the homewrecker who your husband left you and your kids for divorced him and then abandoned the daughter she had with him."

- Your words sent irritation flooding through Lilith, overpowering her surprise at your transformation and making her lip curl.

- "You ought to hold your tongue while in my presence." She coldly hissed, sitting up and folding her arms.

- The conversation with her would be even shorter then Lucifer. You simply telling her that that she ought to pay more attention to what her daughter was doing and the stir Charlie was causing for both heaven and hell alike.

- Lilith wouldn't feel a lick of remorse for her actions unlike Lucifer, and her surprise at the 180 your personality had done would be secondary. She truly doesn't care at all for what she did.

- She would be more angry than anything that you are lecturing her about what she believes is her own business and that you have the 'audacity' to address her in such a disrespectful manner.

Dramaaaaa

[flowery-mess]

Swan Lake

Noah x ballerina reader

I will never forget the way I was feeling at that stage in front of all those people. My parents and siblings in first row, watching me with eyes full of tears and pride. I got the lead role in Swan Lake at the age of 16 which was seen as big accomplishment in ballet world. In that moment I felt happy, proud of myself and stronger than ever. But that didn’t last long.

Just a seconds after the big red curtain was closed and me and other dancers went in the direction of our changing room, I heard my name being called. Screamed, actually.

I turned around to see our trainer speed walking to me. I quickly went over the whole play in my head. What did I do wrong? I couldn’t think of anything, I felt good. She found million reasons to tell me I was a bad choice for playing the lead role, that I’m too fat and I won’t play on the next date.

That was it. That night I told my parents I’m done with ballet and I’m quitting immediately. My mother was ballet dancer too, we talked a lot about how hard it was for me lately, so she agreed with my decision and went to talk to my trainer. I packed my things and never saw that woman again. That felt like a big rock fell off my shoulders. That was 10 years ago.

-

“What are you thinking about?” Noah asked, his hand gently placed on my thigh as we were driving to my family home for Saturday lunch with my family.

“It’s 10 years anniversary of me ending my ballet career. I was thinking about it a lot recently.”

“Thinking about as?” he waited for my response as he didn’t really understand how I feel about it.

“As I miss it, I guess. I was thinking about talking with my mom about it today. Also I looked up some ballet classes in our area. But I don’t know, it was just a silly idea.” I shrugged it off.

I never really talked with Noah about my ballet career. I told him I did ballet for 14 years and quit for mental health issues. I mean, it’s very much known how the ballet industry works, so he understood. I have very mixed feelings about getting back into it at my age, so I haven’t told anyone yet.

I tried to stay healthy and fit, I sometimes go to open dance classes and sometimes I try some ballet steps. I still got it. I am a lucky one, I still have good stretches and I learn steps quickly. I just got bored of doing it only in our living room.

“Really? That’s not a silly idea, it’s actually a really cool idea. Did you find any good places?” I was surprised with Noah’s excitement. He is very supportive of everything I do, but I guess I expected different reaction.

“I like two ballet studios. They have some good teachers and also open classes, just for hobby attendance. One is on Mondays and the other one is on Thursdays, so I can try both and then see which one I like more.”

“Are you signed up already?”

“No, I am not sure Noah. It brings up lot of bad memories, 10 years ago it got me into a really bad place and I’m scared it’s going to be the same this time.” I felt tears coming as I thought of little 13 years old me crying through the whole night, because I was told I’m fat for ballet. That I’m not good enough. That I’m too tall to be a ballerina. That my skin is too pale. That I got in just because of my mother. That I’m never going to make it.

Those memories make me feel little and so vulnerable.

“I’m sure it will be great honey. If you miss it, then you should try it. But it’s your decision, okay? I don’t want to push you into anything. Take your time to think about it, talk with your mom and you will see what’s her opinion on this, right?” he brought his hand that was holding mine in it to his lips and placed small kisses against my palm.

“Thank you.” I shot him a smile which he gladly returned.

-

I loved days like today, spending time with my family. All of them love Noah, so after we have lunch, we are usually both separated and have conversation with someone else. Firstly, I talked to my siblings about college and their new internships, while Noah talked with my dad about new music and their upcoming Europe tour. My dad absolutely loves Bad omens and I am sure he is their biggest fan. When my family visits for shows, he never wants to be in the backstage, watching the show from safe space. He always goes in the crowd, which makes my mum crazy scared every single time.

I used this as a chance to talk to mom about the ballet thing that was going around in my head.

“Mom do you mind coming with me outside for a minute?”

“Of course darling.”

We took our coffees with us as we made our way to the garden and sit on the big couch that my parents had there for my whole life. That thing is going to outlive all of us.

“What is it darling?”

“What do you mean?” I tried to hide my worries, but my mom knows me too well.

“I know when my baby is worried about something. What is it? Is it Noah? Are you sad he’s going to leave for tour soon?”

“Oh no, well, yes that too, but it’s not the first time, that will be okay. It’s something I wanted to talk about especially with you.” I played with the cup in my hands and avoided the topic as long as I could.

“Come on hon, spit it out.”

“I was thinking about getting back into ballet.” I said and kept my eyes low, focused on the green grass. I looked up just because my mom wasn’t saying anything. “What? Are you going to say something? I don’t know what this face means.” I was honestly so confused with the way her face was looking at me. Was she happy about? Sad? I couldn’t tell.

“Well, I was expecting this much sooner than now.”

“What?”

“I always thought you will want to get back to it at some point in your life hon. You loved it. Aside from those ugly things, you loved ballet. I was so angry at that woman who ruined for you.”

“Why did you never say anything?” I was so confused. She was waiting for this for years and never talked about it with me?

“Because it’s your decision, not mine. I didn’t want you to think I was disappointed with you or pushing you back into it. Did you think of where would you start with classes? And would you want to take part in plays again?” She was right. It is just mine decision and with everything she saw me go through I understand she was worried.

“I found two studios near our home that look good. They have weekly open classes that I was thinking about. But I wanted to talk with you first about it.”

Then we fell into long dialogue about everything connected with be going back into ballet. My mom gave me a courage to at least try it. She said my eyes lit up when I talked about the good memories I had from my child age. She also told me that I am more mature than I was back then and even if I don’t think I can handle it, I can. And she was right.

I’m a grown woman now, I can handle myself and protect myself. It’s also just open class for everyone who wants to try ballet, there will be no judgement.

-

“I’m going to try it.” We left my parents house later than expected, so it was dark outside when we were driving back.

“The open classes? Did you talk with your mom about it?”

“Yes and she said I should give it a chance. So I guess I won’t be home on Monday evening.”

“Can I go watch you?” Noah asked.

“What?” I returned him a question, not knowing what he meant.

“I mean I never saw you do your ballet thing and you will be wearing those ballet outfits and I’m sure that will be hot.” He said as if it was obvious fact that I should’ve known.

“You’re not being serious right now, are you?” I tried to hold my laugh in at his innocent clueless face.

“Well I’m not, but I would really like to see your little ballet outfit for sure.” He turned his face to you so you could see his smirk.

“Sure, watch the road you perv.”

-

It had already been a month since I started going to open classes in the studio I chose after the first week. I chose the one closer to our home, their dance rooms were bigger and more modern and our teacher was a lovely girl, possibly my age.

And it felt amazing. It felt like I was alive again. Don’t get me wrong I loved my life with Noah, my work and everything, but this felt like the missing piece.

While I was changing into my clothes after today’s class, our teacher Molly came to talk to me.

“Listen Y/N, I know you said you have bad experience and memories with professional ballet, but we have few spots open in our semi professional group and I thought you’d be great candidate. I see you’re learning faster than anyone in your class and I’m scared you would get bored after a while. There will be auditions, but I can get a word in for you and see if you could skip them. Just think about it and let me know as soon as you decide please.”

That night I came running home to share that news with Noah.

“WHERE ARE YOU?” I screamed just seconds after I opened the door.

“Studio.”

When I opened the door Noah turned in his chair to face me.

“Did I do something?” he looked scared.

“What?”

“Why are you screaming and running, I’m scared I did something.” You let out a chuckle at his words.

“No, but I got news. Great news.”

“Let me hear them.”  I walked over to him and sat in his lap.

“I just got offered a place in semi professional group at the studio. Without auditions, Molly wants me there.”

“Honey that’s great news! That’s amazing news!” he stood up with me in his arms and spined us around.

“So you think I should accept that offer?”

“You haven’t already?”

“No, I wanted to think about it.”

“Judging by your reaction, there’s nothing to think about.” He smiled into our kiss.

“I guess I’m back on track then.” I kissed him back.

-

Long story short, I accepted Molly’s offer and started with my new group. I had classes 4 times a week, which was bit hard to get used to, but after while it was okay.

Noah left for tour, so at least I got something to do with my free time.

Noah leaving was also good for another reason. There is time difference between us, so we usually text each other or have short calls, so my worries are easy to hide.

Last week Molly told us that our group will be playing Swan Lake few months from now on, which brought back some memories. Semi professional groups still play in midsized theatre, I joined them when there wasn’t any, so I expected some play to come soon, but not this one.

I had mixed feelings about it, thinking if I want to play or if I just pass this one. Applications are closing in three days and I still haven’t applied for any role, which was weird for Molly.

She asked me about it after last class, so I told her about my ballet history, how Swan Lake basically ruined it for me. Molly is very positive person, so she told me something that got stuck in my head. She said I could take it as an opportunity and change Swan Lake from something bad to something really good in my life.

Truth is, I am thinking about applying for Odette/Odile, but I haven’t told anyone yet.

-

“Okay that’s enough love, what is going on?” Noah asked through the phone and I saw his forehead wrinkles were making his worried face. It’s scary how well he knows me, but with tomorrow being the last day for applications I needed to tell him.

“Our group is going to play Swan Lake in a few months and I don’t know if I should apply or not. It’s the play that made me quit.”

“Looks like it’s your second chance to make the best out of it. Listen, you were worried about even getting into ballet again and look at you now! I know you’re worried now, but wouldn’t you regret not even trying it?” I felt like I was on the phone with Molly right now.

“I know, I was thinking about applying for the lead role, I did it back then too. But maybe I should do other role?”

“Oh no love, if anyone is supposed to be the lead role in this play, it’s you.”

“You have to say this, you’re my boyfriend Noah.”

“Well wouldn’t you be the same if I was in your position? That’s what you do for your partner. You know how many songs would be forgotten and never released if you didn’t support me? There is lot of them I thought weren’t good enough, but you made me finish them. I may don’t understand ballet, but I understand you and I know you would regret not applying. So you get your ass up right now and fill what ever you need to fill and send it to Molly or I’m going to do it.”

And he was right, I would regret it. But I still couldn’t believe myself when I saw ‘send’ on my screen after I applied for Odette/Odile.

-

Molly informed me that me and 5 other girls applied for the same role, so there will be two rounds of auditions, first one starting on Monday, which gives me 6 days to prepare for it. Noah is also coming back home on Monday, so I’m happy I will share the outcome with him. Either we will celebrate or he will make me his comfort food and I’m happy with both options.

-

I spend the last 6 days going over the choreography for the first round of auditions. Everyday after work I went straight home and practiced. Last night I didn’t get a chance to talk with Noah, because he was already on his way back to the states. I at least talked to my mom this morning.

“Y/N you’re next.” I heard Molly from the ballet room.

-

“I’m homeee.” I heard Noahs voice that I missed so much. I left the pans on low heat and left kitchen to meet Noah in the living room.

I didn’t waste any time and went straight in for a kiss.

“Missed me much?” he managed to say between our kisses.

“Very much.” I looked at his face, tired face, and held it in my hands “Hi love.”

“Hi.” He leaned his forehead against mine as we enjoyed bit of silence and each other’s presence after month and two weeks apart.

“How was the flight?” I broke the silence, took his hand and led him into our kitchen to finish dinner.

“It was okay. I slept most of the time, but I’m still very tired. And I need a shower.”

“You can go take a shower now, it will take few more minutes until it’s done.” I pointed to the food.

“Okay.” Noah got up, left kiss on my nose and went to get shower. That’s what I thought at least. On his way to our bathroom, he realized I didn’t tell him about the audition.

“Y/N? Wasn’t the audition today?” it was, but I wanted to tell him about the result over dinner.

“It was, but I wanted to tell you later.” I tried to hide the smile on my face.

“You got through to the second audition, didn’t you?” he caught your smile and immediately knew the answer. “I guess we can celebrate right now in the shower huh? Are you going to join me?”

-

“So girls, I want to thank you for participating in this audition. It was hard to decide, but in the end, we agreed on one name. And it’s you, Y/N. We were amazed by your performance and we feel like your experience with this play could help us to make the best of it. Congratulations!” Molly gave me a hug and whispered in my ear that she knew it was going to be me from the beginning.

Noah and my mom said the same. My mom made sure she put date of the premiere in hers and dad’s calendar so they wouldn’t miss it. Noah also made sure to clear that day months in advance and welcomed me home with a flower and dinner as a celebration.

-

Breathe in, breathe out. And repeat. I stood in backstage already in my costume. I saw Noah and my parents in the first row as the rest of the room filled with strangers. Strangers that are going to be watching me in a few minutes.

“Are you ready Y/N? How are you feeling?” I felt Molly’s hand on my shoulder.

“I’m nervous, but also excited. I haven’t preformed for over decade, so I hope I don’t panic.”

“You’ll be great. We did lot of work, all of you will do great tonight.”

She then went to talk to other girls and I felt my phone buzz in my hand. It was Noah.

“Don’t be nervous, we’re very excited to see you shine tonight. You’ll kill it babe, I love you.” Oh my sweet Noah. Supportive as always.

-

I stood still in my pose as the curtain was closing. I let out a big breath I didn’t even realised I was holding in when the curtain was fully closed. I turned around to see my friends and in that moment we realized we just finished our premiere of the Swan Lake. And it was perfect. We did group hug, with Molly joining us. It was completely different than 10 years ago. This night was full of support and love.

I went to change into my normal clothes and then to meet Noah and my parents.

My dad and Noah both had bouquets in their hands and my mom had tears in her eyes. She was also the first one to pull me into a hug.

“I’m so proud of you Y/N, you can’t even imagine. You grew up into a beautiful woman and you just showed me how strong you are.”

“Thank you, mom, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Then it was my dad who pulled me into strong hug. My dad didn’t show emotions a lot, so I appreciated him coming tonight.

I really wanted to literally jump into Noah’s arms, but I kept calm in front of my parents. They said their goodbyes and left, because they have long road ahead of them.

As soon as they left the parking lot I turned to Noah and attacked him with hugs and kisses.

“Slow down baby, let me congratulate you and give you this beautiful flower.” It really was beautiful bouquet. Noah always got me beautiful flowers.

“How was it? Did you like it?” I was interested in Noah’s opinion, because it was his first ballet play he saw.

“It was beautiful! You were amazing! I know you can stretch your legs right, but I didn’t know you can stretch them like this.” I didn’t know if I should slap his arm for his stupid comment or laugh at him as he was trying to show me what he meant and trying to do the pose he was referring to.

“Okay ballerina I get it!” I laugh and stopped him from what he was doing before he got himself injured.

“Do you want to go out for dinner and drinks? Or go home and order something? You must be hungry.” We intertwined our hands and Noah led me to his car. He was right, I didn’t eat much today, because of the nerves.

“I think I want to go home, order something to eat, have a glass of wine, have hot bubble bath and then my back could use a massage…”

“I will give you massage only if you let me join you in the bath.” Of course he wouldn’t miss that chance.

“Deal. Let’s get home.” Noah started his car and took my hand in his.

“I love you and I’m so proud of you. I’m getting tickets to every show and I’m making the guys come with me.”

“Okay.” I laughed, but I knew he was serious. I’m sure that at the next show I’m going to see the core of BO crew in the front row.

“But I’m serious, I love you.”

“I love you too Noah, thank you for being by my side for all of this.”

“Always.”

[ananke-xiii]

What about Cas? pt. 1

I love when Sam and Dean fight and the reason why they fight is Cas. I love it for two main reasons.

One, Dean's quick-fire brain is at its best in these instances. One mention of Cas and Dean goes all pew-pew-pew on basically anybody and everybody calls his bluff. Crowley, of course, knew. Even Naomi knew. Lucifer fucking knew it. Well, everybody but Sam.

Two, these fights conveniently happen when Sam is going through his own shit (and doesn't know how to deal with it) to care about his brother's emotional state, making it even more painfully obvious that he severely lacks emotional intelligence/recognition skills. It's "Sam knows and doesn't know" at its best.

I've talked about how the "It’s not an “it,” Sam. It’s Cas" scene in s11 is an interesting example of Dean's rhetoric skills: that man can be on the losing side and still win an argument without breaking a sweat. Sam, on the other hand, not so much. He has a tendency to hyperfocus on one thing and lose sight of the plethora of other things he might need to be looking at.

As a consequence, Dean looks like the one with the heart, the one who cares, the one who's right, while Sam looks shallow, cold and even callous. However, as I've written multiple times, it's a matter of skills, therefore of abilities. Of what one can and the other can't.

So what about Cas?

"What about Cas?" is the first thing Sam says in "Lost and Found" to try and address what happened outside that cabin. With the unmistakable Sam's mark of elegant tact (I love him, he is me) he goes "What about Cas? Is he - is he really dead?" after they've just seen their friend getting skewered by Lucifer in front of their very eyes. To be fair to him, Cas has that thing, you know, that thing that he dies and then comes back. Plus, Sam's sense of what's real and what's not is... something to talk about. However, my heart feels for his total inability to read the room, or, well, the Impala: only 5 seconds before Dean couldn't even say the words "Cas is dead" ("Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—") and the best thing Sam can come up with is "Hey Dean, what do you think? Is Cas REALLY DEAD, UH?". Oh, Sam.

Throughout the episode Sam's still unsure whether Cas is permadead or not: at first he's got doubts, then Dean tells him that that's final. So he confirms Cas' death to Jack. However, when they're about to make the pyre for his body, Sam has some second thoughts: maybe they can bring him back. Dean is peremptory: "No we can't".

In "The Rising Son" Sam and Dean have a minor fight over Jack and his powers because he accidentally hurt the tattoo artist:

Sam: It was a reflex. He didn’t do it on purpose. Dean: Who cares if he didn’t do it on purpose? He did it. I mean, you didn’t see Cas smiting someone every time he got his teeth cleaned. Jack: I’m right here, you know. Dean: Yeah, and what about the vanishing tattoo? Donatello: An archangel healed himself. Sam: Another reflex. Dean: Or maybe he didn’t want to be warded. Sam: Okay, look, yeah, Jack is on Lucifer’s family tree. But we don’t know if that DNA is stronger than Kelly’s, or his connection with Cas. Dean: Oh, you mean the connection that got Cas killed?

I like this dialogue because, once again just like that scene in S11 that I've linked above, Dean's laying his cards on the table. A Crowley or a Lucifer wouldn't have missed that. Sam does.

Dean's the one who's brought Cas up. He explicitily (and unfairly) compares Jack with Cas. Jack hurt people while Cas, his Cas, wouldn't (Oh, Dean you're so wrong my precious baby boy, Cas would hurt people and he's actually done so multiple times and you know it: power imbalance between humans and angels is just what it is, on purpose or not, it's a fact). Dean's also the one who recognizes Jack's real "problem", i.e. he's also an angel, an extremely powerful one at that and his power's an issue.

Sam, however, is the one who brings Lucifer up. He acknowledges Jack's connection with him, Kelly and Cas. Big, BIG mistake. Sam unwittingly turns the knife in Dean's wound, although Dean's mention of Cas before was a huge red flag that Sam completely missed.

This might just be my interpretation but I think that Dean's unconscious eagerness to bring Cas up in any argument reveals his desire to talk about what happened, to vent his anger, to test the waters and see if Sam's on the same page as he is. He's not.

And I think Sam's got a right to be on a different page because this is what S12 was all about: while Dean had found his closure with Mary and had started to see himself as Cas' partner (I've talked about this in my spn s12 tags), Sam's still very much behind. He didn't put in the effort with Mary while Eileen, the one person outside of family Sam's got a connection with (excluding Rowena whom he doesn't trust yet) got brutally murdered by Ketch. Sam and Dean can't possibly be on the same page. Supernatural teaches us that when connections break things are bound to explode.

The dialogue continues:

Sam: I’m just saying, Jack doesn’t have to be evil. We can teach him not to be. [...] Donatello: Oh. Speaking not as a prophet but as a scientist, I don’t think teaching him is in the cards.It’s like asking a lion not to be a lion. Sam: But this is not a lion! This is a human! Donatello: With a strong dose of God juice. Dean: Okay, that’s it. I’m done, all right? ‘Cause he’s not God, he’s not Cas, he’s not Simba. He’s the friggin’ Devil!

That's it, Dean's done. The reason? Jack is not Cas. He throws that "he's not Cas" right in the middle, suspiciously hiding the importance of his statement: the techinque is so blatant that, as it turns out, he couldn't be clearer.

Talking on being on the same page:

Sam: Point is… if you and I are gonna do this, keep Jack on the right side of things, then—then we have to be on the same page. Dean: Okay. Well, that’s the problem, though, Sam, ‘cause we’re not on the same page. Like, at all. Sam: All right. You know what? I know what’s going on here. Dean: Oh. Okay. Well, please, tell me, what’s going on here? Sam: You thinking mom is gone and Cas is gone, and that Jack can’t be saved. Dean, after everything we’ve gone through… We just lost people we love, people who have been in our lives for a long time. Everything’s upside-down. I get it. But we’ve been down before. I mean, rock bottom. And we find a way. We fix it because that’s what we do. And Jack w—wants to do the right thing. Jack’s scared to death of who he is, and he’s scared of you.

As I've said, Dean had tested the waters to see if he and Sam were on the same page but he quickly realizes they're not. Sam claims that he knows what's going on and Dean sort of dares him to spill the beans. Poor Sam is wrong againg because the "you" in "you thinking that..." is actually him, not Dean. Sam's projecting his own fears onto Dean (Is Mom gone? Will I ever have a connection with her? Can Jack be saved? Is Cas really gone?). He starts and ends his little speech with that "you" but he clearly doesn't get what Dean's deal is.

Dean's deal is not just whether he thinks Cas and Mary are really gone and Jack can or can't be saved. Dean's deal is about what happened before Cas died and, more specifically, about what didn't happen. He'll reveal his cards, like he always does because that's what Dean does, he wears his heart on his sleeve, in the following episode.

[somewhat-very-insane]

questions i am sick and tired of hearing as a chronically ill and disabled person (and why i hate them)

this did wind up a bit longer than i expected it to, but by all means, feel free to add on with any questions you hate to be asked (and why!)

abled people, please do refrain from overtaking this post, and, disabled people, please do refrain from making this post entirely about any one specific condition.

"do you really have to talk about being disabled all the time?"

yes. yes i do. i promise that however annoying it is for you to have to endure the absolute agony that must be me making an offhand comment, or, on occasion, maybe actually talking about something that affects me for more than a few minutes at once, it is infinitely more "annoying" for me to have to actually live with the issues i talk about for every second of every day of my whole life. when i stop talking, you don't have to think about it anymore. but i always have to think about it. you get to put your full focus on something else, or, if the conversation is that annoying for you, you can leave! nobody is forcing you to stay. but talking about my problems is the only way i can get any support for them, and even when i stop, they are still there. i cannot "step away" from the figurative "conversation" with my pain. it is always talking to me, whether it be just a small whisper in the background or screaming at the top of its lungs in my ears, that pain is always there. so, while it's unfortunate that you are getting "tired of hearing about it," please do understand that i got tired of experiencing it a long, long time ago; do not destroy my one way to speak about my experiences solely because you do not wish to be made uncomfortable by them.

"do you really need that pain medication? won't you get addicted?"

in response to that, let me ask you this: do you really need that water you're drinking? aren't you afraid you'll get addicted to drinking water? it sounds ridiculous, i am aware. but i will break it down for you, now (as, in my mind, it is an adequate comparison). every human being needs things like safe, clean water, food, and some form of shelter to survive. however, the majority of humans can survive adequately with a reasonable amount of these items and will be able to function without major pain or other symptoms that detract from their general quality of life. some people, like myself, can have our basic needs of food, water, and shelter met, yet still experience major (or minor) pain, which cannot be blamed on a lack of rest, hunger, or thirst. therefore, in order to function the way society expects us to, and in order to not be quite as utterly miserable as we otherwise would, we may rely on other, stronger medications than the average person would, to manage that pain. these medications are medically prescribed, and we therefore have every right to utilize the resources provided to us. if i were to simply stop taking certain "non-necessary" medications, while my body would technically continue to function with the aid of my "necessary" medications, i as a person would not be able to function. imagine, if you will, the worst headache, joint pain, cramp, or other temporary ailment you have ever experienced. that probably wasn't a very enjoyable experience for you, was it? but you might've been able to use some ibuprofen or acetaminophen, maybe a heating pad, and after a little while it got better. now imagine if you tried to use those same things but the pain did not get better; imagine that pain lasting for months, even years on end, which you simply could not get rid of. a pain which you were expected to simply pretend was not bothering you, and continue to function the same way as everyone else, who was not in pain, was capable of. surely, in this hypothetical, you would want the (perfectly safe, legal, usually non-addictive) medicine that could make that pain even a little bit less excruciating? even if you knew that the pain would never fully disappear, not really, you would still want it to be less. so, i will take my medications, and leave you with the freedom to choose what you put in your body, just as i deserve the same freedom over mine.

"have you tried just exercising? eating healthier? meditation?"

the short answer is, for almost every disabled person i know, yes. though, granted that you've come this far, i'm sure you are prepared for the long answer, too. exercise can, for some conditions, help to alleviate or lessen certain symptoms. the key thing to note here, though, is that the exercise must be safe and selected specifically for the person based on how it may negatively affect them, as well. even activities that most able-bodied people regard as minor, such as going on a walk, can be draining, nausea-inducing, painful, and outright miserable for some people. i cannot, personally, go on a fifteen-minute walk on flat, paved terrain, in very pleasant weather, without triggering dozens of sensations that would surely make any healthy person worry that they were dying. when i tried to pick up an exercise regimen without professional help, i made my health several times worse. taking the advice of people who were, sometimes, genuinely trying to help, put me in serious danger. even when i did have a team of three doctors working on a plan for me, it took several rounds of trying and failing before we were able to determine what activities i could safely do, and which would be beneficial to me. now, being told to "just eat healthier" particularly irks me, because what foods i have to eat to maintain a more "healthy" balance of sugars, sodium, protein, and fat in my system varies quite a bit from that which a healthy person might be told is the ideal. i do understand that, generally, a low-sodium, lower-fat, mainly natural-sugar, high-protein diet sounds healthiest to a large percentage of people, the same cannot be said for myself. i have been told, by numerous medical specialists, that it is absolutely necessary for me to consume high amounts of sodium (think: eating salty food and snacks, on top of an electrolyte drink and salt pill every morning). i also deal with highly fluctuating blood sugar, which doctors cannot yet explain why it suddenly plummets (no, it is not diabetes, yes, i have been asked this dozens of times). as a result, i will often have to eat something "unhealthy," such as fruit snacks or a similar gummy candy, to get my blood sugar back up. is a high-sugar, high-salt intake diet generally what outsiders will see as healthy? of course not. but, as these are things i have to do to specifically manage my symptoms, it is always frustrating to be told that maybe they are symptoms i experience because of my diet. they are not. as for the types of people who insist that simply doing a guided meditation session each day can cure me of my dozens of health conditions, you are simply incorrect. while some people may experience a temporary psychosomatic alleviation of their pain in response to practicing mindfulness techniques, no one should ever urge another human being to substitute life-saving medication with guided breathing and essential oils. the two are simply not on the same level, and meditation does not, cannot, and will not help every disabled person deal with their symptoms.

"aren't you too young to be so unhealthy?"

no. and, while i do wish that people would not press further when faced with such a simple, clear-cut response, some people simply cannot grasp the idea that anyone under forty-five could possibly deal with any sort of health complications. people can be unhealthy at any age; even infants can have heart conditions, after all. while old age certainly has a higher correlation with deteriorating health, it is certainly not a reason to believe that, therefore, anyone who is not old cannot have poor health. believe me, i do wish that whenever someone older told me that i really am just overthinking things and lying to all my doctors and somehow faking things like MRI and X-ray results, those problems simply disappeared. unfortunately, things do not work that way, and by saying things like that not only do you invalidate the experiences of countless ill individuals, you (deliberately or not) paint us as bad people, when all we want to do is survive.

[variousxreader]

I DUNNO IF THIS WAS THE RIGHT INBOX OR NOT AAAAA

CAPTAIN KOBY HEADCANONS MY BELOVED

(Haven’t watched that far into One Piece, I’m at like episode 500 so sorry if these are ooc at all)

General

- Doesn’t like coffee, no matter how much sugar or creamer he puts in it’s always not quite right or to his liking, he’s the same way with some teas.

- Keeps a pocket sketchbook or some sort of small notebook hand, sketches or writes about things he sees or thinks about.

- Favorite animal would be otters, I feel like he would see them frequently while sailing and overall likes them for their smarts, such as using rocks to open shells. Though, he absolutely adores how they hold hands or hold their kin while they sleep or float to not get lost.

- Morning person, definitely. Almost always the first one up and awake, walking around and already doing things while everyone else is still in bed.

- While he has grown up and became stronger, he’s still an easy crier. He gets emotional over things and while he can shove down the need to cry, he finds some place private to let his emotions go. He doesn’t like it when people see him cry publically, he feels like that wouldn’t make him “strong” to anyone anymore, especially with everything he has to go through.

- Struggles with anxiety, and I mean this man is brimming with it. His habit of overthinking can lead him to peril, while he has been scolded for “not doing anything and risking lives” due to it, some of his decisions after that could seem reckless, as he wouldn’t even give a second thought to the first thing that comes to mind.

- Definitely sleeps hugging a pillow, cannot sleep without hugging or holding something.

- Personal headcanon (I don’t know if we ever learn about his family or not) I think that while yes he truly did mistake the Alvida pirate’s boat for a fishing boat, he really was trying to sail away for good that day. People in his life would always tell him that he cries too easily or was too skittish about literally everything, overall bringing him down for years of his life. Yes, it was ok when he was younger, but while this behavior continued, people yelled at him more about how he needed to “not be such a crybaby” and not be so afraid of everything. Even now, he has issues dealing with people yelling or raising their voice at him.

- Another personal headcanon, this fella is so trans masc coded to me. When he found Luffy he was scared at first of course, some random ass stranger popped out of a barrel. But what really sold him is that Luffy didn’t question him at all about how he sounded or looked different, but to be quite frank, Luffy doesn’t seem like the type of person to bring that up anyway. Yes, Luffy saved him and he’s happy about that, but he also saw how he was? How he actually wanted to be? AND inspired his dreams?? The boost of confidence he got from that still fuels him to this day as a captain, that’s why he still looks back to that day, the first day someone saw him for who he actually was and didn’t question him. Still questions to this day if he’s valid or even passing for that matter, but that memory always helps him with dysphoria.

S/O

- Loves spooning, he doesn’t care if he's big or little spoon, he’s perfectly content either being held or him holding you. Though, he does have the habit of being mostly big spoon since he wants to protect you and keep you safe.

- His love language would definitely be quality time, especially with how long he has to be gone for sometimes. When he comes back after whatever duties he had, all he wants to do is spend some time with you doing whatever. Could be something as little as just sitting and holding each other in silence, or something more like going shopping or on a date. Though, his favorite thing to do would probably be being able to snuggle up with the person he cares the most about and rest without having to worry.

- Love hugging his s/o from behind and resting his head on their back or shoulder, depending on his height.

- This man is all green flags, will absolutely pamper his s/o if they’re feeling under the weather and sooth them if they’re not feeling 100%.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes btw :3€

AAAAA GOD TIER HEADCANONS!!!! I love them all!!!!!!

Don't you worry, im crawling through Impel Down, dreading 482 and what comes after 🙃 Ace girl things™️

But AAAAA no SADS JUST KOBY

This man has abused golden retriever energy, like rescued and bounced back and is the healthiest boy now.

He is a literal cinnamon roll!!!!!

God he'd cry over every animal he sees because its so cute. Like "S/O! Look!!!!! At them!!! Can we adopt them?!" Its so hard to say no

I loveeeeeeee the idea of him falling for a Pirate. Man is so upset about it too at first, like he is so in denial about it. Till a silly fanfic esq situation gets them alone and he can't deny the attraction, physical and emotional anymore?! Chefs kiss the drama!

I also love the idea for Trans masc Koby, that Garp is just like Luffy in his acceptance, like hes so confused as to why people would be upset that Koby identifies as a man. "You say you're a man so you're a man. " simple as that.

Also, forehead kisses on his scar!!!!!

Steal his bandana to tie up your own hair, the mans heart nearly stops and he clutches his chest.

Also i love the idea of his S/O trolling Alvida in subtle ways. As petty revenge on Koby's behalf. Like just any chance they get, they fuck with her. Steals her hat or something just goofy shit that you know would drive the unhinged woman mad.

Koby would 10/10 write little love poems in that notepad/ sketch book for his s/o or crush. Not that he'd be brave enough to share. He could be convinced. Lol

Hes a precious little Peony

[underratedandoverit]

Too Afraid To Fly Cause They Want Me To Fall

995 words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

first of all, required listening for this fic second, im not over the possibility of kip being the only safe haven left for oc after the best friends break up and betrayal so im gonna run with this thought since tk (the coward) isnt giving it to me on my television. we have a whole au about this thing so consider this a part of that but i doubt im posting more in that any time soon so just. look at this thing lmao

hurt/comfort, on the emotional side. late night anxiety and kissing it away. just a lot of questioning about the realness of things and relationships and such. all with a happy ending. thats it 💜💜💜

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

-------------------------

Cassidy held his breath as he felt the bed shifting next to him. As far as he knew in the moment, Kip thought he was asleep; it had been what felt like hours since he had gotten into bed, claiming to be exhausted and wanting to get a head start on sleep since it was finally a calm weekend of just being at home for him. Kip didn’t seem to think anything of it, just kissing his cheek and wished him good night before returning to the stream room so his potential yelling wouldn’t bother Cassidy’s attempt at getting some rest.

But the truth was definitely more complicated than that. Not that Cassidy would admit it, but he wasn’t even nearly as tired as he was claiming to be. Or maybe he was, but it surely didn’t feel like it with the thoughts racing in his mind all day, and all night, honestly.

All he really wanted was to lay in the darkness, let the thoughts slip out of his mind in the shape of tears forcing their way out of him, not make Kip aware of the pain still pushing through in his chest.

It had been weeks. Months. And yet it felt like it was only yesterday when the Best Friends had fallen apart. Time moved in a haze in Cassidy’s mind, he saw the calendar pages change but it didn’t mean anything anymore; every day felt the same, whether it was going through the motions of a free day at home, traveling for work, being at work. The routine was a highly welcomed numbing sensation, but at the same time it hurt more than he cared to admit.

Cassidy could feel Kip’s arms slipping under his blanket, hand grabbing his, other arm sliding underneath him and around his waist. Kip didn’t care if he was asleep or not, he was going to get in as close and personal as possible, knowing the issues Cassidy still had sleeping alone. The blond felt himself being pulled against Kip’s chest, a soft little kiss being pressed to the back of his neck.

He shivered, unwillingly.

“…Hey.”

The soft whisper left Cassidy’s lips before he could stop himself. Something about Kip’s soft gestures despite thinking he was asleep got to him, temporarily lowering that wall he had built around himself when it came to letting anyone get too close again.

Somehow Kip always seemed to manage to crash through it, however.

“Mmhhmm?” Kip sounded sleepy, mumbling against the back of Cassidy’s neck, making the blond swallow thickly. He could feel Kip gently squeezing his hand, pressing another kiss against the exposed skin on his neck.

“Do you… Do you think we’re going to be okay?”

Cassidy regretted the words as soon as he felt Kip moving, snuggling his head close so it rested on Cassidy’s shoulder, the Brit humming quietly in his ear.

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

He didn’t really know, but the feeling in his gut that Kip wasn’t going to like his answer grew up stronger with every passing silent second as Cassidy tried to form some sort of sensible order of words in his head.

“Clementine?”

“…Do you really love me?”

Kip’s arm disappeared from around his waist, his head leaving Cassidy’s shoulder as he sat up. The blond froze in place, not entirely sure how to react. He could feel Kip’s eyes on him, observing, studying him, trying to find the place where those questioning words came from.

“Of course I do. What… Did something happen?”

He thought about it for a moment, slowly shaking his head as Cassidy sat up as well. Even in the dark bedroom, it was impossible to hide the forming tears from Kip’s overly observant gaze, it taking no time for him to wrap his arms around Cassidy and pull him into a tight embrace.

He was going to hate how those tears stained the shoulder of his shirt, Cassidy knew that, but he just couldn’t pull away.

“I just… After everything…”

Kip gently hushed him at the first hiccup that cut him off, pressing a soft kiss to Cassidy’s temple. He let the tears flow freely, for the first time after what felt like days, maybe weeks, the shaky breaths ghosting down Kip’s chest.

“Of course I love you. You’re my sweet Clementine.”

Another kiss, into his hair. Cassidy hiccuped quietly.

Sweet Clementine.

“There’s nothing that could stop me from loving you.”

He cried maybe a little bit more than before, Cassidy honestly wasn’t sure anymore. The bedroom, the darkness, it all became a blur, he could feel nothing but Kip’s lips on him, Kip’s arms around him.

His soft heartbeat against Cassidy’s chest.

“I know it’s difficult to believe after everything… But I would never lie to you.”

Cassidy could feel Kip pulling away slightly, one hand slipping to his face. The thumb rubbing his cheek stained it with tears in a feeble attempt to wipe them away, but the smile Cassidy could barely see on Kip’s face through them was enough to calm his mind anyway.

“I love you. Forever.”

The floodgates were so close to being fully opened again.

“F… Forever?”

Kip smiled, letting out a soft chuckle before he leaned in for a soft kiss. It was warm, Cassidy could taste his tears in it, the saltiness still reminding him of Kip in a way. He almost wanted to laugh at the thought, feeling the lightness finally, slowly, returning to him. The darkness persisted, but only physically, the bedroom slowly morphing into something more comforting the longer Kip’s lips lingered on his, breathing comforting life back into him.

The Brit slowly pulled away, Cassidy letting out a shaky breath. Kip hummed at him, leaning his forehead against his, trying to match the blond’s breathing.

“Yeah. Forever.”

Cassidy sniffled, feeling Kip’s hand brushing against his cheek. This time the tears disappeared successfully. He wanted to laugh again.

“For-forever with you…. That sounds perfect.”

[dreamkidddream]

I haven’t finished Hades yet bc of Hades’ second boss phase but I still wanted to write for Zagreus bc of my growing love for him 🥹🤍(also Hack this is for you! 🫶🏾) reader is gender neutral!

Ah, Elysium.

It was always easier to breathe up here- the air felt clear, nothing like the heat in Asphodel. It was calm, and the vast ageless structures motivated Zagreus no matter how many times he entered this realm- he was so close to reaching his goal of escaping, so close to reuniting with his mother.

He could tell that he was close to reaching Theseus and Asterius from how many enemies had been spawning more and more in each room, multiplying with no end in sight. But Zagreus was already used to it and well prepared, getting through them with only a few issues.

But the next room surprised him.

He pretty much had most of Elysium memorized (or at least he thought he did through his…many attempts), but yet he had never seen this figure in any one of his travels.

Zagreus’ widened eyes were met with your own.

“I don’t think we’ve met before, have we?”

“Hm,” you blinked and stood up, the faded patched up cloak that covered you slowly gliding around. “No, we haven’t. But yet I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Hopefully good things and not troubling?”

“Well, that would depend on who you ask. But either way, what I’ve heard so far was…interesting.”

Zagreus chuckled at your words and took in your form- you didn’t look like the typical Shade, and he didn’t see you armed with anything. Nor were you talking down at him, your eyes being full of kindness and your tone light and airy.

You weren’t someone sent by his father to stop him. Good.

“I tend to have that effect on some. Seems like I don’t have to introduce myself, but I feel like it would be rude if I didn’t.” He held out his hand and gently smiled. “Zagreus.”

You took his hand and introduced yourself in return, and Zagreus couldn’t help but marvel in your touch. Your touch was so soft and warm- he let his fingers hold onto you for a bit more before he came to his senses and let go.

He cleared his throat, hoping his embarrassment wasn’t that obvious. “Well then, it’s nice to make your acquaintance. It’s always welcomed to see a pleasant face that’s not out to kill me.”

You giggled at his statement, “I’m glad to be of service, my lord.”

As much as Zagreus would like to stay and get to know you more, he knew what led beyond the next doors. He could hear the chants and just imagine the cheeky grin on Theseus’ face. It made him roll his eyes, but he knew that time was of the essence.

It seemed that you understood his dilemma as well, and walked with him to the looming doors.

“I would say I hope we see each other again, but I think that would be wishing bad fortune on you.” You sheepishly smiled, fiddling with your cloak. “But, I do have something that could help you on your journey if you like?”

Zagreus couldn’t help but smile- you really were too kind (and cute).

“I would, actually.” And he felt himself grow stronger, having more chances at battle before the River Styx called him back.

“I truly do hope this isn’t the last I see of you.” He confessed. “Hopefully the next time our paths cross is under better circumstances.”

“Likewise.“ You agreed. “I’ll be waiting for the moment.”

He stood before the entrance and heard the rising chants of the undead. He glanced to get one last look of you, a bright twinkle in your eye as you waved him off.

“I’ll be cheering for you, young Prince.”

Zagreus was able to hear your words before the growing cheers from the arena drowned them, which left him with a new fire lit inside of him. Not even Theseus’ arrogance was able to deter him.

“Alright,” he swung his Stygian Blade and got into his stance.

“Let’s get this over with.”

[lucidia-sys]

In Defense of Pharma

Guys I'm really tired of seeing ppl shit on Pharma solely for the incident with Ambulon. Seeing people defend Ratchet against him. Tired of people being awful to him because of things he couldn't control. People will really support the toxic ones because of the simple fact they are a popular character that everyone loves. I'm tired of pretending I like Ratchet (I adored TFA and G1 only). I don't. He's an awful guy when you look at the case with Pharma. And personally I just don't find him interesting like other characters. Ratchet fucking ruined Pharma pre-Delphi. He was this sweet guy who did his best and I strongly believe Pharma may have BPD, so that only makes what Ratchet did so much WORSE. The way Pharma attached to Ratchet reminds me of one with their FP (Favorite Person). He believed so much in Ratchet, looked up to him, considered him one of his closest friends, his FP if you will. He cared deeply about Ratchet, and it deeply affected him when he just up and fucking left without a proper goodbye. And so began a long fucking chain of him getting fucked over. Another point that gets used against him was the virus he unleashed, that wasn't his fucking fault. Tarn was pressuring him. He was stuck in an incredibly hard point. The DJD would after him if he didn't feed Tarn's addiction, he'd still be fucked even witht he fact he did it. Pharma gets stuck in the middle of nowhere with two people he doesn’t care for, and one of them is a direct target of the group blackmailing him into killing patients. There was nothing he could have done to make the situation better. And I fucking find it such BULLSHIT that First AId went to Ambulons side rather than Pharmas DESPITE THE FUCKING FACT Amublon is a ex-con, he could very well have been conspiring with Sonic and Boom. The fact Pharma got immediately blamed pisses me off. He was just doing his job, trying to keep his job, and juggle his issues with Ratchet appearing. His FP that fucking abandoned him. This is a STRONG example of how mental illness can fuck oneself over. As someone with BPD, I heavily relate to Pharma, so I am very defensive over this (no shit I'm writing a whole thing defending him). I understand his panic. His stress. The need to prove himself. A case too is with the incident of Ambulon. Yes, the way he handled the situation was awful, but think about it. He wanted to prove himself, to prove he was better than the asshole who left him behind. So how does he do it? Give a prompt to Ratchet that he KNOWS he can't fix, prove that Ratchet is not as good as he thinks he is. And as for Tryest, it's another situation of lose/lose. I didn't pay much attention to that bit of the story but I can say that Pharma was dealing with that whole 'I need to prove im better than these jerks so everyone will like me and need me' BPD mess he has going on. A person with BPD often seeks validation from others, needing FPs to love them and respect only them, which is why he usually claims himself as the best medic. He needs the validation, that boost to his fragile ego that is crumbling with every second. Plus Tyrest promised him a place in the forged only world he was planning. It made him feel valid and needed. He chased that feeling. And then Ratchet came along and started to derail his mind. Leading him to do something that ultimately painted him in a bad light. And he proved he was stronger within the Lost Light comics. Issue 4 showed him hurtingTyrest in such a fashion that not even the best medic, not even his "beloved Ratchet" (his words, not mine), could figure out how he caused so much damage. He was pissed off. He was having a split. He was damaged. I believe we should focus more on the goods of a character, the compexity of their issues, rather than honing on one specific thing that was not that big of a fucking deal. This fandom is awful with painting certain characters as awful awful people for simple issues that can be explained very easily. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUUUUSE ME. I'm going to take a moment to nap because I am so frustrated and overstimulated and angry rn.

[sweetflanfiction]

Second Chances - Part 7

Universe: Read Dead Redemption 2

Pairing: Arthur x reader

Disclaimers and Warnings: If you want me to tag you on the chapters let me know! Also leave a comment with your thoughts :D Not finished, not proofread. English isn't my 1st language. All I know about 1899 is from google, so inacuracies will be plenty. The reader is on the older side, and identifies as a female. Header Gif by @miyku

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

• ··········· • ············ •

Arthur grabbed the brush for the horse looking at the woman walking away, followed by the pup, Mac. He let his gaze linger for a moment watching her play with the dog.

They were not keeping him here, there were no shackles, nothing held him down, there seemed to be no second intentions towards him. Both were honest: You work and stay, or you go.

He walked over to the horse, stroking the soft fur, and started on his task of brushing him.

“Darling?” He whispered under his breath. A humourless chuckle escaped him and the horse whined. “Yeah, I don’t like that one either, friend. But if I name you, you're mine and if you're mine you gotta behave. Do what I tell you and all that. ‘Cause I can get you better, I can make you stronger, but you gotta trust me alright?”

The horse snorted, raising his front hooves and kicking the dirt. The cowboy took it as a yes.

“Alright boy. Let's see. When we was at St. Dennis, I read a newspaper article about this young feller who was doing magic tricks, escaping handcuffs and all sorts of contraptions. How 'bout I name you after him, since you’re so keen on escaping huh? It’s much better than ‘Darling’ I tell you that much.” 

The horse blew air through his nose and moved his head gently while the moved through his fur.

“Alright then, boy. I name you Houdini. How about that?”

Arthur chuckled at the horse and brushed him. Thinking of St. Dennis made him think of the Brants' conversation. He had tried to keep relaxed when the word ‘job’ came up. Trying not to show his inquisitiveness. It placed some shadow of doubt on this whole ‘good and trusting’ issue. However, until this point they had done nothing to make him distrust them so he would wait.

“My dear daughter told me you was gonna be responsible for this gentleman’s well being.” Arthur looked towards the main stable door and found Albert standing there, leaning into the frame. His figure was imposing. Broad shoulders, sturdy forearms, the build of a man who did some heavy lifting around the farm. And yet, the feeling Arthur got from being around him was far from overbearing.

“Yes, sir. If that’s alright with you, I think I can help.” Arthur nodded and continued brushing the horse.

“Oh it’s fine with me. The less I have to deal with him the better. You know how many sleepless nights I’ve had because of him?"

The man walked closer, moving his hand slowly to pat the horse's nose. Arthur was expecting Houdini to buck or become stressed, but he kept still, even though the older man seemed to be angry at the beast. 

"Ain't that right boy? You gave me some frights didn't you?" Albert lowered his gaze gently to the animal and Arthur softened his gaze.

This was just a father worried that one of his own was sick and he couldn't help him. His words were not angry or hateful. Just like Dutch did at some point in his life. Arthur looked down, trying to get rid of the thoughts that threatened to burst through. It still hurt. The betrayal. The irrefutable evidence that his own father figure tossed him aside.

"I'll do my best to keep him happy and healthy." Arthur nodded.

"Good. And for the love of all that is holy in this world ... Change his god damned name...Who names a stallion Darling…And then shoots him…kids these days, swear to God."

"I will, sir."

"And don't call me sir. You ain't in the military. Albert is fine." "Now come on. I smell sausages and eggs in the kitchen. It ain't much, but it's filling." 

Arthur thought about Pearson's stew and how everyone complained about the taste. Even though he had done it at some point, everyone was thankful for the man who kept them fed. But the truth was, at some point, his stew started to tasted all the same. This was not because of the cook's lack of talent, but because the ingredients were, in fact, the same.

The smell coming from the house was different, from his memories' stew. He smelled of eggs cooked in grease and sausages. He closed his eyes for a moment, sniffing. Arthur's mouth watered, people would have thought he was heading for a feast.

The man sat down at the kitchen table while you served them a mix of eggs and sausage, before sitting down yourself. As they both exhaled a content sound, you smiled.

"I reckon I deserve an award for doing the most today." You said in an attempt to sound like a spoiled lady, looking at your father who just gave you a mocking annoyed face.

"I shall reward you with an afternoon of stocking the hay and milking the cows." Albert said, holding his fork up like a king's scepter as you groaned, rolling your eyes.

"Fine…I guess that'll do." 

Arthur kept his eyes on the plate, only peeking at the pair as they bickered. It was innocent, lighthearted fun and he missed that. The last days at camp, this type of discussion would probably have led to someone getting a punch to the nose or even shot. But there were times when this was common among the gang.

Something snapped in front of his eyes and he saw your smirking face looking at him, your fingers in front of his face. 

"I also believe Mr. Callahan should be awarded."

"I say the bed he sleeps in is reward enough." Albert said, raising an eyebrow. Once again, his tone was light and non-judgemental.

"It is. Just give me some eggs and a mattress and it'll be enough." Arthur nodded, still uncomfortable with joking around with them.

"Here I am thinking we could allow him a bath…" you got up from your seat and grabbed the plates, as his head jerked upwards at the mention of a bath. "I guess eating and sleeping is enough for the man."

"Judging by the way his neck snapped up when you mentioned a bath I'd say otherwise." Albert joked and helped with the dishes.

"Fine." You looked back at him, your eyes sparkling with mischief and your lips smiling. "I guess if it's not too troubling for you, good sir, you can take a bath."

"It ain't no trouble at all." Arthur grabbed his plate and walked to the dishwater bucket. "I...Well, I'm just grateful that you keep giving me things and asking for nothing."

"You're working for your keep. Taking care of land ain't easy. If we want to keep living the way we do, we have to put our backs into it." Albert nodded and the girl hummed.

Arthur thought back at how those words, said by someone else, say Dutch, would have sounded dishonest. Although, it may have been because the work he referenced was dishonest. 

"Oh! What did Doc Brant say about the job?" 

His eyes looked up and he felt his muscles tense. That single word had such an impact on him that he didn't even know he was holding his breath until Albert spoke again.

"Cattle convoy." The older man said, but Arthur didn't blink.

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