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johnnysuhbmarine · 1 month ago

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Out of Time

Pairing: Chenle x reader Description: You'd be lying if you said feelings weren't caught within the thirteen years of friendship you had with Chenle, but even when you both wanted to be more, you agreed to shut any idea of it down - his future marriage was already arranged as part of a business deal, there was no point setting your hearts up for breaking. So, why is he on your doorstep begging for a chance just three months before he has to go back to China? Content warnings: Arranged marriage au but not with each other; rich kid Chenle; swearing; they have sex, and while no actual smut is written, it’s not exactly glossed over, either; fluff; angst; there is no happy ending to this part but there is in the second one Word count: 16,362 A/n: If you knew how long I’ve been working on this idea, you wouldn’t believe me…but now that this first part is out I’m actually really happy with how it’s come together. Posting this today to celebrate @fullsunstrawberry's last day of class for the semester!!…though this ends in angst so it’s not the best gift I’ve ever come up with 🫠 Anyways, please enjoy, though who am I to tell you what to do…as always, feedback would be greatly appreciated. Take care of yourselves, I love you Read part two here!

Your childhood went by too fast. Though, you assume that’s the only way it could feel when it’s the sole marker of the time you were able to have with Chenle. The two of you grew up together, but through conversations you felt you were too young to be involved in, you both knew that you wouldn’t be able to continue with said friendship in adulthood. The thing about Chenle was, he’s lived with his aunt, right across the street from your parents, in a small Korean suburb since he was five years old. However, where he spent the first four years of his life, and where he would eventually be summoned back to, was with his parents in Shanghai.

There was nothing wrong about his parents. In fact, for most of childhood, Chenle only had positive things to say about them, a wide smile adorning his face whenever he thought of seeing them again. The entire reason he was living with his aunt was because his parents wanted him to experience a normal childhood, so really, they had his best interest at heart. That being said, they did not care about whether or not Chenle would have a normal adulthood. Instead, they were waiting for him to fall in line, learn how to eventually take over their multimillion dollar company, and with that, play his part…and accept the fact that his future marriage, to the daughter of one of their business partners, has been arranged for him since the moment he was born. Finding this out, Chenle no longer had loads of nice things to say about his parents. He lived with a constant resentment towards them since the start of high school, but you were always his one beacon of comfort, where the weight of his future could fall off his shoulders and he could just be a kid again for a little while longer.

It was the summer before freshman year of high school when your parents and his aunt sat the two of you down at the dinner table and explained how Chenle’s future was going to pan out. You were just fourteen years old, having Chenle suddenly upset and arguing about who he’d be marrying felt so wrong, the problem seemingly so far away. You were kids, but because of that moment, you both grew up too quickly - Chenle by force, and you because you refused to let him go through it alone. The real world, outside of school and pickup basketball games in someone’s driveway, now weighed heavily on the two of you, and the only thing you could promise was that you’d navigate as much of it as you could together.

The one thing his parents agreed to compromise on was that, rather than having Chenle fly back immediately after high school graduation, he could stick through that last summer with you, and eventually head back to China when you left for university. That’s the exact period of time that the two of you were in now - almost a full three months where the plans that have been talked about for years were now facing you head on. Stupidly, you try to forget about it, pretend it was just some normal summer, like your best friend wasn’t being ripped away from you at the end of it. You were setting yourself up to be blindsided by the inevitable passage of time, but it was all you could think to do if you wanted to hold onto any chance at smiling this summer.

It was the day right after graduation when Chenle hopped across the street and rang your doorbell. It was the middle of the day, your parents still at work, so you had to be the one to slide off the couch and check who was at the door. Normally, Chenle would text you before he came over, and you would have the door already unlocked for his arrival so that he could just barge in and join you on the couch…or immediately grab your wrist, drag you through the kitchen for two glasses of lemonade, and then out the back door for another basketball match. The last thing you expected him to do was ring the doorbell out of nowhere, but more confusingly, when you open the front door to face him, he’s pacing back and forth. His mind seemed to be going a hundred miles a minute, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look this distraught before.

“Chenle?” You prompt, tilting your head at him still making circles in your front walkway. He snaps his head up and stops moving, seeming not to have heard you actually open the door yet and instead leaving him to get surprised by your voice. As he takes in your bewildered state, he does his best to calm himself, correctly assuming he was the reason for it.

Now, his body faces you full-on, but he still can’t meet your eyes, instead looking towards the ground and sucking on his bottom lip as he figures out what he wants to say. Eventually, he gives up, shaking his head and bringing his gaze up to you with an agitated sigh. “Any way I put this, I come off as an asshole, so please forgive me,” he finally says all at once.

You furrow your brows at him in confusion, your return question bearing a much lighter tone than his own. “What’s up, Chenle?”

He darts his gaze off to the side, biting on his bottom lip again. Though, this contemplation period hardly lasted a second before he’s dropping his head and spitting out his words through one rushed exhale. “Can I be selfish for one summer? Before you go to college? Before I move back to my parents' house? I know we both agreed to be smart enough not to get involved…but before I have to be someone else’s, I want to be yours - even if it’s just for one summer.”

To say you were thrown off was an understatement, but not necessarily because of his confession. It was no secret the two of you developed feelings for each other. Your parents knew it, his aunt knew it, you knew it, he knew it - there was no use in pretending said feelings didn’t exist. However, being sixteen with those feelings and knowing what you had since you were fourteen made the situation less than average.

You and Chenle decided the best thing you could do was flesh everything out. So, one random day of sophomore year, you did. An entire evening kicking yourselves for catching feelings, laughing at the fact that it seemed inevitable, and then deciding that the best course of action now was to try and forget about it. You were not the daughter of his wealthy parents’ wealthy business partner, and the two of you quickly learned that there was no changing his parents’ minds on the arranged marriage. There was no reason to try and pretend an outcome could exist where the two of you could work, where you wouldn’t get hurt. It was both, a pro and a con of being forced to grow up - dumb decisions that your childhood was waiting for you to make were never made, and it was so hard to tell which dumb decisions you actually missed out on.

Chenle was right, the two of you agreed to be smart enough to not get involved, but a part of you was mad that you never took the chance to be a stupid high school kid. It seemed entirely out of left field for Chenle to address the situation again just three months before the beginning of the rest of your lives kicked in, but you’re glad he did.

“One summer for us to make some stupid decisions and break our own hearts?” You echo back, and any trace of hope on Chenle’s face fades away. That is, until you look back at him with a smirk, leaning against your doorframe casually. “Yeah, what the hell. Let’s do it,” you say, and when Chenle whips his head back up to face you in surprise, you can’t stop your smirk from turning into a full smile.

Chenle shakes his head quickly, as though to get rid of all the thoughts on how to respond to a refusal that never came, and instead an easy smile reaches his own face as he looks back at you. “Great! So, can I take you on a date?”

He’s completely serious as he replies and this is where you’re most taken aback. “Oh, starting off with a date?” You only had three months to be together, and to be quite honest, you thought Chenle was going to skip past all the initial dates and dive right in, knowing that you wouldn’t have given it a second thought if he immediately had you pinned against a wall. You seemed to have greatly underestimated the character of your best friend though, because he shoots back with a sure nod, genuinity filling his next words.

“Well, yeah. I don’t want this to just be a physical thing. I want to be able to say that you were my first love. You were always meant to have that title. I want to remember you that way, not as some no-strings-attached summer fling.”

You immediately drop your head to face the floor. Chenle must have grown up some more when you weren’t looking. All at once, you don’t know what happened to the loser you grew up with, who learned to shut off his feelings and fill all that space with basketball instead; but now, here he stood, making his intentions very clear in that he planned to spend the summer falling in love with you, and outside of the shock you’ve felt throughout this entire conversation, a new feeling erupts in your stomach - butterflies.

You look back up at him, regardless of how embarrassingly red you could tell your cheeks were, and a smile reaches your face as soon as the two of you lock eyes. “A date it is,” you say with a nod before stepping back into your house some more and actually letting him inside for a bit. “I’ll have to actually get out of my pajamas,” you say with a laugh. “Any idea of where you want to go?”

Chenle bites on the inside of his cheek before shaking his head. “Well, you know I can take you out on a really fancy date, and if that’s what you want, we can do that. I mean, that’s sure as hell what you deserve…but I was thinking maybe we could just go out to our favorite ice cream shop and then play some basketball.”

Your cheeks puff out in a smile. “So, you wanna hang out?” You tease, and Chenle is quick to shake his head.

“No! I wanna go on a date with you! I know we get ice cream and play basketball a lot, but now I want to do so while also knowing I can go up and kiss you whenever I want.”

You raise an eyebrow playfully. “Oh, now we’re kissing on the first date?”

Chenle just stares at you in disinterest. “Three months, y/n. That’s all I get. I’m not exactly looking to take things super slow. Besides,” he continues, throwing a sly smirk your way as his own brows raise. “You’re the one who’s been wanting to kiss me for the past two years.”

Your mouth drops into a gape as you swat at him, only succeeding in making him laugh like a dolphin, and while you made fun of his laugh whenever you could, it was also your favorite thing in the world. A certain warmth fills your chest at the sound of it as you simply shake your head. “Whatever. You’ve been wanting to kiss me for the past two years as well. Don’t even pretend otherwise.” He’s still getting over his laughing fit as you finish your sentence, leaving you to just roll your eyes at him as you turn and walk upstairs to your room to change, the front door still hanging open for him to eventually follow you through.

When you come back downstairs after getting ready, Chenle looks you up and down with a smile. “I’ve always liked that skirt on you,” he says casually. You let out a light laugh.

“I know. You weren’t very secretive about it,” you reply playfully, causing a light dusting of pink to cover Chenle’s cheeks.

“Is dating you just going to be a nonstop period of you teasing me?” He finally asks in return. His words make you freeze, though. You only had three months but he was serious about it, serious about you, and you couldn’t help thinking about how great the hurt would be for both of you once it was over.

You shake out of it, you had to, and instead send a wink his way as you rush out the door without him. “I guess you’ll have to just wait and see,” you banter back, and Chenle rolls his eyes before following you out and doing your part in locking up behind him.

While you were exchanging greetings with the worker on the other side of the ice cream parlor’s bar, Chenle was just continuously poking at your arm. “What?” You finally snap as you turn to him, though no one would ever be able to pick up even the slightest bit of irritation with his antics based off the smile on your face as you looked at him.

Chenle draws in a deep breath as a confidence booster before spitting out his words all at once. “I know we normally get our own milkshakes and finish them, but if you wanted to do that thing where we get one milkshake and put two straws in it, we could.” He was completely serious as he spoke, and you bite your lip to stop the wide smile from coming onto your face at his attempt to truly make this feel like a date.

Instead of letting him know how cute he was, you resort back to messing with him. “Hmm…less ice cream for me, though,” you say, pretending to contemplate his offer.

“I can buy us another one after that!” He quickly responds, and you can see the typical energy begin to flow back through his body as he relaxes some more. “We can just keep ordering milkshakes to share! I mean, what’s a couple of $5 transactions on a black card?” He continues rambling but you break out into a laugh, immediately getting him to stop and stare at you in bewilderment because nothing he just said was a joke.

“Breaking out the black card for our first date?” You ask, looking over at Chenle as though you were something like impressed. He does not see what the big deal is.

“Of course, anything for you-” That’s where he breaks himself off, his head falling into his hands on the counter as he finally cracks. “God, I feel like a loser,” he groans, but a fond smile paints its way across your face in response.

“You’re not a loser,” you reply calmly, but Chenle shakes his head in his hands, his next words coming out covered in defeat.

“But my face is red and I’m saying stupid stuff.”

“It’s cute,” you reassure him gently, but he is quick to quip back.

“You’re cute.” The statement rolls off his tongue effortlessly and you jump back a little in your seat, eyes wide.

“Woah, lele. I didn’t know you could actually be sweet to me,” you say back, feigning astonishment.

Chenle finally lifts his head up out of his hands to drag his troubled gaze over to you. “Do you see what I’m talking about? I’m a loser! I didn’t mean to say that,” he groans.

You just furrow your brows. “So, you don’t think I’m cute?” You ask playfully. Chenle squeezes his eyes shut, taking an extra long breath before peeking one eye open to look at you and practically whisper his response.

“Yes, I do.”

An easy smile spreads across your face as you take in the fact that Chenle genuinely complimented you, though you were glad to see it pained him to admit it because that meant this was still your Chenle after all. You immediately turn your gaze back over to the worker, who pretended to be super invested in cleaning the counter as your conversation with Chenle drew out, and then you order just one milkshake with two straws. After, you move your gaze back over to your best friend.

“You can just be yourself, you know? I’ve liked you for years already, you don’t have to try and win me over now.”

Chenle sucks on his bottom lip, sighing. “I know but…you deserve to feel romanced and loved, and I want to do that, I just- it’s not my strong suit. My parents just bought me things and then shipped me overseas. A pretty weird love language if you ask me.” He ends with a small laugh, and you’re relieved to see the tension in his shoulders fall as he does.

You shoot a fond smile his way in response. “I know, and that’s okay. Look, these three months for us to be together is just a change in the title of our relationship. There’s not much else that has to change. I won't hate you for struggling with how to express love. I know you like me, that’s enough.”

“Stop being so good at making me feel better,” he says with a weak grin. “I already feel like I’m not good enough for you.”

You roll your eyes, placing one hand on top of his at the counter, getting him to meet your serious gaze. “Lele, you make me happy - that’s more than enough. Plus, you’re rich,” you add, and Chenle lets out his own laugh as he rips his hand away from under yours.

“Oh, whatever,” he replies with a scoff, but the atmosphere is instantly lighter as your laughter is only broken up by the milkshake being slid in between the two of you, immediately redirecting your attention to the shared directive of sucking that down as fast as you could.

As Chenle got his card back after paying for all your rounds of milkshakes, he turned to you with a hopeful grin. “Do you wanna go back and play basketball in our street?” He asks, causing a similar smirk to spread across your own features.

“You know I do, but can you take it easy on me now that we’re dating?” You suggest playfully, though surprise was the last feeling that came to mind when Chenle’s eyebrows furrow in response.

“Absolutely not,” he replies quickly, causing you to sigh. “If anything, I gotta go harder on you now that we’re dating. I don’t date amateurs. You gotta keep up with me.” Your face falls into shock as you lightly hit the back of your hand against his forearm and the two of you break out into laughter again.

“Hey! Thirteen years of pickup basketball does not equate to me being an amateur. I’m a seasoned pro,” you try to say seriously. Chenle raises his eyebrows at you in a taunt.

“Yeah? We’ll see about that. What do you say, loser has to buy-” He cuts himself off from going over the terms of the bet as he turns his attention towards the countertop in disbelief. “I guess I just bought all our ice cream. What are we supposed to use as a bet now?” He speaks as though his hopes and dreams were ruined. You just shake your head fondly at him, sucking on your bottom lip to try and hold back a smile.

“Come on,” you say, moving to grab his hand in yours and pull him away from the counter. “We’ll figure something out. Let’s go before it gets dark.”

Chenle shoots you a look as though you were crazy. “Y/n, it’s summer. We have like- at least five more hours before it gets dark.”

You stop in your tracks, turning back to him with a smirk. “Well, my bad. I just wanted to spend as much time with my boyfriend as possible,” you reply, and Chenle ducks his head as blush covers his face. Though, with one gentle squeeze of your hand, he’s the one now pulling you out of the ice cream parlor and towards the car to go back home.

As always, the two of you started off with a game of horse. It’s typically how you would decide who gets first possession, though you’ve stopped seeing a point to it because Chenle wins every time. At least, that’s how it normally goes. Today, standing in Chenle’s driveway, it was you who was crushing Chenle in horse. With you still at ‘h’ and Chenle just tacking on an ‘s,’ you let out a laugh. “I thought you weren’t taking it easy on me,” you taunt, and Chenle whips his head in your direction seriously.

“I’m not!”

You raise your eyebrows at him as you move to take the ball from his hands and shoot your next shot. “Okay well then, whoever you are, can you go get Chenle back for me?” You ask, turning back to him after successfully making it. “I miss him. He’s your height, looks kinda like you, is good at basketball-” You tease, and Chenle cuts you off as he turns fire red, grabbing the basketball and readying himself to shoot from where you just did.

“I’m good at basketball!” He argues before taking his next shot…and missing. He turns around to meet your raised eyebrows and groans. “A game of horse doesn’t even matter! All it means is that you start off our actual game.”

You shake your head at his antics as he picks up the basketball and passes it to you because somehow, you had first possession today. These ‘actual’ games were where you tended to perform better, but it was the same for Chenle of course, so you still typically only took one out of every twenty games from him.

Though, it seemed Chenle’s poor performance in horse did nothing to actually warm him up, because his game performance was no better - possibly worse. You watched as the famed Lele Curry missed every shot he took, acting as though nothing happened every time he retrieved the ball for you. You wait until he misses an easy layup before finally shaking your head at him from the other side of the driveway.

“Lele, come kiss me,” you say plainly, and Chenle immediately stops in his tracks as he turns towards you.

“WHAT? Wh- wha- why?” He fumbles out through something of a shocked yell, getting you to just roll your eyes at him playfully.

“Cause I have a feeling it’s gonna get you your basketball skills back,” you reply with raised eyebrows, greatly contrasting Chenle’s furrowed ones as he looks back at you in question.

“Huh?” He gets out, causing your shoulders to bounce up and down lightly with a small chuckle.

You look up to face him fondly, the teasing lilt out of your tone. “Look, we’re dating now, we just talked about affection, it’s on your mind and messing with your game, so you should come kiss me and get it over with,” you state as though it were no big thing. It was a big thing to Chenle though, because he just learned you could read his mind. Of course he was thinking about kissing you, it was all he could think about - you were you, after all, and Chenle really really liked you.

You watch as his adam’s apple bobs up and down with a hesitant swallow, but as he looks back up at you, the tension in his shoulders falls. He crosses the driveway to end up directly in front of you. Slowly, his right hand comes up to cup the side of your face, an action that you easily smile into, and Chenle takes a moment to run his thumb over your puffed out cheek as his nervous gaze runs over every inch of your face. “I don’t know how to kiss but- but I promise I’ll do it just right if you let me.”

“Chenle…”

“May I?” He asks quietly once his eyes finally fall to your lips.

You nod your head, caught off guard for a breathless moment at the recognition of this softer, shyer side of Chenle. You had kissed a few guys throughout high school, but you knew he hadn’t kissed anyone before. Once the two of you found out his marriage was arranged, he gave up completely on high school relationships or flings, and meanwhile you tried to kiss as many guys as possible in an attempt to get your mind off of it. None of them ever meant anything, but this one did, and Chenle knew it, too. He wanted to do everything right, but he didn’t even know what ‘right’ was, and any time he didn’t know what he was doing, he fell shyer, more hesitant, always so uncomfortable with unknowns that he tried to just slip away instead. He hardly let you see this side of him because he always wanted to present his best self; but he was soft with you now, because he cared enough about you to admit he was clueless - that the thought of kissing you made his head spin but it wasn’t even something he could truly picture.

“You may,” you answer softly, and Chenle slowly leans into you.

It started out as the lightest kiss in the world, a kind of gentleness almost uncharacteristic of your best friend if you didn’t know all his layers already. You can’t help the smile that spreads across your lips, but you refuse to break so quickly; so instead, you pin your focus on deepening the kiss - pressing back into him, establishing a healthy rhythm sucking on his bottom lip. Chenle’s hand that wasn’t cupping your face soon flies to your waist as he begins to match your pace. As he got more comfortable with the feeling of his lips against yours, he got more desperate for it. You figure standing in the driveway of his house is not where you should teach him how to use his tongue, so with one last soft kiss, you break away.

Your gaze instantly falls to the ground beneath your feet, a cheesy grin across your face that you try to cover up. “See, now you’ve kissed me. Nothing else is going to be as scary as that,” you say playfully. “Now you’re good. You can kiss me whenever you want. Alternatively, you never have to kiss me again if that’s what you want-” You immediately cut off your words as you finally bring your gaze up to make eye contact with Chenle, only to realize he’s staring at you with wide eyes, his mouth hanging slightly open. “What’s that look for?” You ask, suddenly worried you did something wrong.

Chenle shakes his head in an attempt to gather his thoughts, mouth opening and closing in hesitation as he looks you up and down. “Um, I like you…a lot. Like, a lot,” he says as though he were out of breath. The wide grin comes back to your face as you let out a fond laugh.

“Ha! That’s for another time,” you promise, instead bending down to pick the basketball up from the ground and place it in his hands. “Now turn around and shoot,” you continue, nodding your head towards the basket behind him. He does as asked, turning around and not even taking a moment to regain his footing before shooting and immediately making a nothing-but-net basket. You drop your face back to the pavement with a knowing nod. Then, you walk the one step back to meet him again and place a soft kiss on his cheek. “There’s my Chenle,” you claim softly, and watch as his ears turn a deep shade of red.

Biting on his bottom lip, he shakes his head, unable to say anything in response. Instead, he moves to grab the basketball again, passing it to you since he just scored, and you know you’re about to get your ass kicked in pickup basketball.

That was, in fact, exactly what happened. The only difference between this and the games that occurred before you started dating, is that now throughout the game, Chenle would sometimes turn around after making a basket and tell you a play that good deserved a kiss. You would roll your eyes every time but you always obliged - each soft, casual, ‘proud of you’ peck leaving Chenle with the biggest grin on his face.

Your pickup game finally ended when his aunt got back from work, forcing you both out of the driveway but more importantly, breaking the two of you apart from your quick kiss as you scramble into the grass. As she pulls into the garage and turns off the car, she steps out to meet you two still on the side of the driveway. “Well, something’s certainly changed in the time I’ve been at work, hasn’t it?” She says with a playful smirk. You and Chenle drop your heads in unison, but his aunt just lets out a warm laugh, nodding her head towards the door. “Come on, kids. I’ll make us dinner.”

Matching smiles spread across your faces as you rush to follow her inside. As she started cooking, you and Chenle did whatever you could to help around the house where needed, but eventually you were told to just sit and rest a while as opposed to crowding the kitchen and making things more difficult. So, TV remote now in hand, you leaned into Chenle on the couch and he hooked both arms over you instantaneously.

Chenle’s arms around you, the smell of home-cooked dinner, and a basketball game on the TV, there was something so natural about it - as though Chenle’s arms have been around you your entire life, as though you’d have them around you, to come home to, for the rest of time. You knew the idea of it would never be true in the long run, but right now it was as real as it could get - and the second you could convince yourself to simply exist in the present, that fact was enough to make everything okay. You’re sure Chenle could feel it, because at the very same time that peace crashed over your body, Chenle squeezed you slightly tighter to him, placing a small kiss to the top of your head before resuming his task of acting super nonchalant about having you in his arms.

The two of you explained everything to his aunt over dinner, and any disheartening thought she may have had about the situation, she kept to herself. You all had collectively gone through that song and dance all those years prior when the news of Chenle’s arranged marriage first broke. She knew you didn’t need to hear that speech again. Instead, she smiled warmly, claiming that if any two people deserved to be happy together, even for just a little while, it was you guys.

You excused yourself after dinner, figuring it was probably time for you to head home since you haven’t seen your parents all day. Chenle immediately stood from the table with you, gently lacing his fingers with yours and leading you to the door. “I’ll walk you home,” he says casually, but you just shake your head at him.

“Lele, I live right across the street. It doesn’t even take twenty seconds for me to get home,” you reply playfully. Chenle just squeezes your hand in his slightly tighter, and when he speaks again, it’s much more somber in tone.

“Three months, y/n. I’ll take a few more seconds anywhere I can get them,” he states quietly, and his words seem to have hollowed you out so that all you can do is nod your head. Chenle smiles at your acceptance before getting hit with another thought and immediately pausing. “Oh, wait!” He exclaims as you take the first step out his front door.

You turn back around to face him in question, watching as he runs through the house before coming back into view with a hoodie in his arms. “For you,” he says with a bright smile as he holds out the hoodie for you to take. You just raise your brows at him with a smirk.

“Chenle, it’s summer. What am I gonna need a hoodie for?” You ask playfully in return, though your traces of banter didn’t reach Chenle, and instead every feature on his face falls into a pout. You let out a fond laugh at the sight of it, moving towards him to take the hoodie from his arms with a light kiss on his cheek. You immediately slip it over your head, and the sheer comfort of it answered your question of what you were gonna do with a hoodie in the summer - wear it any chance you got. You look back at Chenle, who was stuck staring at you in his hoodie as though you were a goddess. You just pray your face doesn’t show too flustered in the moonlight and grab his hand to actually start on the walk across the street.

As you get to your front door, Chenle tightens his grip on your hand to pull you back some more, now just standing idly on your front porch. You study his figure curiously, watching as he tosses around thoughts in his head so loud you could almost hear them. His gaze eventually falls to the ground but he finally finds his voice.

“I don’t think I’m gonna be great at ever telling you how I feel. It’s hard for me to articulate anything even closely related to feelings. There’s so much in my head but I don’t know how to tell you everything…how much you mean to me. But if today taught me anything, I’m much more comfortable with showing you how I feel. That doesn’t seem as foreign to me for some reason. I can show you how I feel - I want to. I hope it gets across, though. I hope you know every time we kiss…” He drags off, and his eyebrows immediately furrow in irritation that this was just another example of him struggling to put his feelings into words.

You give a fond shake of your head as you stare back at him. “Chenle,” you let out softly, rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand, still intertwined with yours.

He finally looks back up at you with resolve. “What I’m trying to say is that if one day, you get fed up with all my emotions being expressed physically rather than verbally, I can stop. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I don’t have to kiss you all the time. I can try- I can try to…I can-” This time, he’s cut off by your lips on his, and he melts right into the kiss.

When you finally pull back, you place a hand on his cheek, nodding your head lightly. “It gets across, lele. Everything you’re feeling, it gets across. It’s never gonna be too much; we have a lot of time to make up for, I know. So, whenever you want to kiss me, I want to kiss you.”

In return, Chenle gives the most bashful smile you’ve ever seen. He moves a hand up to guide your own back down from his cheek before studying the way your two hands fit with each other so naturally. All hands were meant to be interlaced with another, he thought, but his were specifically made for yours. You look at his soft features with a grin, squeezing his hand gently in yours and getting him to train his eyes back on you in a rush. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says surely, causing you to laugh some before nodding your head.

“See you tomorrow,” you softly return as he takes the first few steps back towards his house. You stand and watch until he finally reaches his own front door; turning back around to see you still outside, he gives an exaggerated wave in your direction, and you didn’t need to see the huge smile on his face to know it was there. You move your hand up slightly to wave back to him, hoping the yellow street light wasn’t enough to illuminate the clarity that had immediately washed over you as you clocked that you only had three months left of his exaggerated waves and huge smiles - the butterflies that had occupied your stomach all day were no match for the void that made its presence known now. A heavy breath escapes you as he finally turns the knob and enters his house, leaving you with nothing left to do but the same.

As soon as you opened the door, the change in atmosphere was striking. The warmth of your parents’ laughter filled the kitchen as they were cleaning up from their own dinner, your dog entirely too wound up as he jumped around waiting for teased scraps from your father’s plate. The pit in your stomach didn’t go away, but instead became more pronounced as another strange feeling added to it. Your parents had much longer than three months to be together; you wondered if they could fathom it - if they could ever wrap their heads around the amount of love shared between the two of them throughout all these years. You wondered if you would ever be able to wrap your head around the idea of loving someone that many years, knowing it wouldn’t be Chenle on the receiving end of it. You hated remembering why the two of you originally promised not to get involved with each other - you hated that those reasons made more sense than ever.

You didn’t realize the door practically slammed shut behind you until the rest of the house fell quiet in response. Your mom makes eye contact with you in the front entryway before smiling brightly and returning to the dishes. “Hey, sweetie! Were you over at Chenle’s?”

Her question is coated with a smile and all you can do is start rambling to try and fight off the nauseous feeling that arose in response. “Guys, I made a really stupid decision and I know it’s stupid so I don’t need you to tell me again and I really don’t need you to be pessimistic about it because it won’t help.” You speed through your words in an instant and the look on your parents’ faces completely flip as they drop what they’re doing to go meet you still by the front door.

“Y/n, what happened?” Your dad asks in a panic, and you figure the vagueness of your statement meant they were currently assuming a lot worse than it was. You shake your head, but it doesn’t do much to dismiss their worry until you follow it up with words.

“Chenle asked me to be his girlfriend,” you spit out, and the tension in their shoulders drops at once.

“And you said ‘yes,’” your mom softly finishes in your place. You shoot your gaze up to her, bringing their notice to the tears in your eyes as you respond weakly.

“I couldn’t say ‘no.’”

Your mom lets out a fond sigh, nodding her head as she throws an understanding smile in your direction. “I know,” she replies, coming up to wrap you in a hug where you finally let yourself bawl your eyes out.

“We only have three months to be together but- but we wanted to be together,” you explain as firmly as you could through tears. “And we should’ve just pressed on these three months like we have our whole lives, I know it’s stupid-”

“Y/n, it’s not stupid,” your mom cuts in seriously. You lean slightly out of the hug to make shaky eye contact with her, then darting your gaze off to meet the encouraging look your dad bore and only getting more confused. You pull back from the hug entirely, now doing your best to collect yourself again so you could have a real conversation.

“I’m gonna be really hurt three months from now, and it’s not Chenle’s fault, it’s mine-” You could only be mad at yourself for so long before your mom cuts you off again.

“It’s not your fault. Sometimes, what makes a decision seem stupid is that there’s no one to blame for its consequences. It’s not gonna be your fault, nor Chenle’s…and it’s weird when you don’t have someone to blame.” Your mom was always the voice of reason, but you figure this time she was taking the same approach that Chenle’s aunt did. The inevitability of you and Chenle was the least of her worries. Her main goal was to keep you from jumping off the ledge before you could even enjoy it.

“I think Chenle blames his parents,” you rebuttal thoughtfully, and your dad just lets out a laugh before he responds more sincerely.

“Yes, but I think he hates his parents enough for the all of us, so we shouldn’t add to it.” Chenle’s disdain for his parents was more than evident, and your own parents never had the nicest things to say about them either - even though they kept their thoughts to themselves, you knew it. There wasn’t a single person in the suburb who understood where Chenle’s parents were coming from; with the quality of life being so starkly different, you figure no one ever would. The sucky thing was, you knew Chenle’s parents were thinking the same thing about you all, and it’s why everyone but Chenle has kept their opinion to themselves - it wasn’t worth it to do otherwise, an understanding could never be made between two different worlds.

You take in his words with a flash of your eyebrows but eventually let out a heavy sigh. “...he shouldn’t hate his parents,” you admit solemnly, thinking of your own family and wondering how heartbreaking it would be for both sides if you viewed them the way Chenle views his.

Your father ducks his head, his thoughts running parallel to yours. “No, but that’s not for us to worry about. I’m just glad you don’t hate yours,” he says with a smile, and you finally move your gaze back up towards your parents, three pairs of uncertain eyes exchanging thousands of emotions between them.

“Is everything gonna be okay?” You finally ask, your voice much weaker than you would have liked. Your mom shakes her head in mystery, a thin-lipped smile giving its best attempt at comfort.

“I don’t know, but was today okay?” She asks in return.

“Yes,” you answer immediately, but then your face turns more contemplative and you shake your head. “No- it was so much better than ‘okay’ you wouldn’t even understand.” Your words come out coated in fondness. You figured it was the first step towards realizing how bittersweet these next three months with Chenle were going to be, how nostalgic you would soon feel for memories you were in the middle of making.

Your mom’s smile widens at your words as she moves to brush over your cheek with her hand, ensuring the two of you make eye contact as she gives the only advice she thinks she can at this point. “Then let’s try not to worry about if everything’s gonna be okay in the future, and focus on the fact that everything is so much better than okay right now,” she says softly, leaving you nodding your head against her hold. It eventually falls into a tight hug before you get embarrassed and excuse yourself to make your way to your room for the night.

It was a few hours later when your parents walked in to say goodnight. Your dad went first and then waited at the doorway as your mom took her moment to kiss the top of your head and bid you goodnight. Before she could take a full step away, though, you caught her hand in yours. Her face whipped back around to meet your soft, wavering gaze. “He kissed me today.” Your tone made it sound as though you had a million thoughts in your mind, but it was clear not even one would manifest itself into more words right away. Your parents both give a warm grin, and as your dad leaves from your doorframe to let the two of you have a moment, your mom joins you sitting on top of your bed.

“Yeah?” She encourages softly. All you can do is nod before frustration reaches the surface and you end up shaking your head decidedly.

“Mom, I don’t want to kiss another guy ever again,” you say, looking up to make sincere eye contact with her. “I want it to always be Chenle,” you continue firmly, and your mom just lets out a defeated sigh.

“For three months, it will be,” she says with a weak smile, trying her best to bring any sense of hope to the situation.

You pull your bottom lip in between your teeth, both coming to terms with the situation and not being able to believe it all at once. “And that has to be enough. How do I make that be enough?” You ask helplessly, the sight of you torn up like this chipping away at your mom’s heart.

“I don’t know, but you’ll figure it out,” she replies, and you figure that’s all anyone would be able to say to that. These are your circumstances, and regardless of if it feels unfair, all you can do is the best you can do; spending these three months trying to resolve a grief that hasn’t even hit you yet was definitely not your best course of action. With the smallest of laughs that still comes across as jarring in the fragile moment, your mom speaks up again. “I would say you could kiss him like every time will be the last, but I can’t have you sucking his face off…his parents would not be thrilled about that,” she teases, and you’re finally able to crack a smile as well.

With one last kiss to the top of your head, your mom gets up and heads towards your door again. “Remember,” she says, turning back over her shoulder to look at you. “Today was really really good. Tomorrow will be, too; and the day after that…and the day after that. So, no stress for at least the next three days, okay?”

Your smile widens on your lips at the silly promise, but it did its job in removing what felt like the entire weight of the world from your shoulders. “Okay.” Then, with one last smile, your mom was out the door.

The next week was spent with you and Chenle not seeing more than an hour of separation from each other unless you were sleeping. Though you couldn’t say this for anyone else you hang out with, you never got tired of Chenle, never oversaturated from his energy; so, spending all this time together was hardly a task - it was just how you were meant to be. You think Chenle held the secret to it all along, the reason you never got tired of each other - though you doubted he was even aware of it, every time he looked your way, it seemed to be with a fresh set of eyes, like it was the first time he’d ever laid eyes on you. You could see it in the glaze of softness that took over his stare for a millisecond. How could you ever tire of each other when every glance gave the illusion of no time having passed at all. The only problem you could anticipate is how shocking it would be when these three months were up, if each passing day still consisted of the butterflies from the first.

It was at the end of this first week when your mom lingered in your room while saying goodnight to you again. You eyed her curiously as she sat down on your bed rather than the typical lean-over to kiss the top of your head. She gives a small laugh as she meets your gaze, then starts her words with a light sigh.

“Y/n, your dad and I have been talking,” she begins, and the color drains from your face.

“Uh oh,” you reply, unsure of whatever it is they came up with but knowing it typically never boded well for you.

At this, she laughs again, shaking her head with a grin. “No, it’s nothing bad. It’s just-” she breaks off, looking as though she couldn’t believe what she was about to say, and once you heard her words, you understood the look on her face completely. “We know how this is gonna go. You guys are eighteen year olds who like each other a lot, the situation only made more dire because there’s a strict end date. We figure you’re gonna want each other as your first time, right? So, just please be safe about it, okay?” She moves to make eye contact with you again, seemingly proud with how she articulated everything, meaning she’s completely surprised to see your jaw dropped.

“Wait, what?!” The volume of your voice jars even you, but you could not believe her words. “Are you telling me you and dad came to the decision that Chenle and I could have sex?! Me?” You question, pointing up at yourself as though your mom didn’t know who she was addressing. “Your daughter? Permission to have sex with Chenle?” At your crazed tone, your mom just lets out another small laugh and a shrug, morphing the atmosphere into something much more chill than you could imagine.

“I mean, you’re eighteen,” she replies nonchalantly, only getting you to gawk at her some more.

“I’m like- still a kid to you guys!” You shoot back, remembering how many times the idea of that played into their many rules for you - curfew during high school is 10:00 but hey, that first summer once you’ve graduated, go crazy, it seems!

Your mom tosses the concept of you being a kid around in her head before returning her gaze to you with a slight smirk teasing at her features. “Eh, I lost mine at, uh- well...younger than you, so eighteen’s honestly looking pretty good.”

“What?!” You exclaim again, this piece of lore about your mom baffling you more than anything else you’ve heard tonight.

You watch as she winces, reliving the truth of what she just said, but her eyebrows eventually raise as she turns to you with a cheeky grin to contrast her serious gaze. “Yeah, don’t tell your father about that one. I’m pretty sure he thinks I lost it at nineteen…” She drags off, and you let out your first laugh of the night.

“I can’t believe this,” you say, and your mom’s smile meets your own as she shakes her head and continues with her actual point.

“Look, some people see being eighteen and an ‘adult’ as a reason to never need their parents’ permission for anything ever again. So, I’m glad that you still want our approval for certain things but, here it is. Just be safe and we’re good,” she says casually, and you just drop your head with a laugh of disbelief.

“Okay-” you begin with a nod, but your words are cut off as your mom seems to light up with another thought.

“Oh! Just please do all that when we aren’t home. Your father and I do not need to-” She cuts herself off abruptly but continues to open and close her mouth as if searching for words to describe exactly what her and your dad don’t need to be around to hear, but you just nod your head with another laugh.

“Okay, okay, I got it. Don’t worry,” you conclude, finally motioning for her to let it go and actually bid you goodnight. With a laugh, she relents, walking out of your room and leaving you completely bewildered…and with news to tell Chenle when you see him tomorrow.

However, when you did see Chenle the next day, the conversation with your mom was the last thing on your mind because your little romantic surprised you with a date to the zoo, saying that you had to go right away before it gets too hot and all the animals hide in the shade of their habitats.

The first hour of the zoo experience was completely normal - snow cones that turned your hands into a sticky mess, which Chenle refused to let you wash off right away because he kept sticking your hands together and pulling them apart again with the biggest smile on his face; and then walking around the entire place actually holding hands, splitting your conversation between genuine facts about the animals and trying to see who could get the other to believe the craziest lie they could come up with at the time.

It was when you were at the prairie dog habitat that things took a turn. You and Chenle were reading the fact sheet when you heard the little girl next to you ask her mom what was happening with the animals. You whip your head back up to see the prairie dogs in a compromising position and immediately hit Chenle on the shoulder to get him to whip his head up as well. The two of you try your best to hold in laughter as the parents with younger children rushed to find another animal habitat to keep their child entertained with. That was when memories of last night came flooding back to you and you turn to face Chenle in an instant.

“Oh, hey! You know my parents said they’re chill with us having sex,” you say quietly enough so that just Chenle could pick up on your words. Expecting a reaction similar to yours when first hearing the news, you were stunned to see that when Chenle turned his head over towards you, his face was completely flat aside from his raised brows.

“So, what are ya thinking? You wanna drop down right here and do it?” He asks neutrally, beginning to eye the floor before scrunching his nose and looking around for a better spot.

“Chenle!” You gawk, and all it takes is one look at your exasperated face before he finally falls into a bout of laughter.

“I’m kidding, princess. God, who do you take me for?” He jokes with a disappointed shake of his head. Though, as you calm down with your own dramatic eye roll, he slips his hand into yours again, bringing them up to kiss the back of yours before dragging you off towards another habitat.

Hand-in-hand, the two of you walked around the rest of the zoo before heading out for a casual dinner. It wasn’t until Chenle was dropping you off at your front door that, in an effort to keep you in front of him a little longer, he remembered the topic he probably shouldn’t have just dismissed earlier in the day. “Oh, hey, before you go,” he starts, and you instantly remove your hand from the door knob to turn back around towards him. He makes serious eye contact with you as he continues. “About what you said at the zoo-”

You raise your brows with a grin but he shakes his head as soon as he spots your smile. “Not the part about all elephants being recognized as ordained ministers,” he clarifies, and you can’t help the small laugh as you remember your attempts at animal facts today. “But about us,” he continues seriously. ��If I want anyone to be my first, it’s you, but I don’t wanna rush into it just because we’ve been told we can. I mean- I just got used to being able to kiss you and hold your hand-”

“And call me princess,” you add with a smirk, not letting him get away with the new pet name that easily. Chenle drops his head bashfully.

“Yeah, and call you princess…” he echos, falling more thoughtful with each word. “And I wanna be able to relish that a bit more before- well.” He shakes his head, getting frustrated at how poorly he was able to articulate everything on his mind. “I wanna be able to be there,” he finally says with resolve, looking back up to make eye contact with you again before continuing. “Be present…and if I still can’t fathom the fact that I get to kiss you right now, I don’t want to try and wrap my head around even more,” he finally concludes with something of an embarrassed laugh to try and lighten the atmosphere that only he thought needed lightening. You just smile sweetly back at him.

“I get it, lele. Hey, I wasn’t the one suggesting we drop to the floor and do it in front of the prairie dog habitat,” you remind him, causing him to face the ground again as he lets out an actual laugh at his own past actions. When you pick your words back up, it’s with sincerity. “If one of us isn’t ready, then nothing’s happening. I’m good to take it slow. We wanted to do this right, yeah?”

Chenle nods his head as he lets out a sigh of relief, as though he expected the two of you to not be on the same page for the first time in thirteen years. Though, when he looks back up at you, it’s with a firm smile. “Yeah.”

You shake your head at it all, your smile alone revealing how endearing you found him despite your best efforts to keep it hidden. You press up on your tip-toes and lightly kiss the top of his nose before moving down to catch his lips easily with yours. “Goodnight, Chenle,” you say once you finally pull back. Chenle’s face is as red as ever, and you knew he wasn’t kidding when he said he still can’t fathom the fact that he gets to kiss you.

“Goodnight, princess,” he replies in kind, getting your own face to flush as he turns to walk the few steps across the street to his house.

A few more dates and countless pickup basketball games later, and it was already the one month anniversary of the day Chenle paced around your front porch and begged you to forget about what’s happening in just two months now. Knowing Chenle, and how much he loved spending his parents’ money while he wasn’t under their rule, you were half expecting him to greet you today in a suit and take you out to the fanciest restaurant he could find. Instead, Chenle barged in through your front door that afternoon with something much less proper on his mind. “Y/n, it’s been a month,” he points out, and you turn your head to face him from where you sat on the couch.

“Yeah?” You acknowledged, waiting to see where he was going with this.

“I think we should have sex,” he states plainly, and you throw your head back with a laugh before you can even think about it.

“Just like that, huh?” You tease, looking over at him once again with a huge grin, not at all as serious about this proposal as he was.

He puts his hands out awkwardly, as if making sure you stayed put and would hear him out. “Look, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the subject-” he begins, and you cut him off with another laugh of disbelief.

“Oh, I’m sure you have,” you joke, finally up on your feet and rounding the couch so you could stand face-to-face with him.

He shakes his head in the meantime, a look of annoyance on his face, all overwritten by a huge grin because it was you he was annoyed at. “Shut up,” he quipped with his own small laugh before continuing with as much seriousness as he could. “What I’m saying is, I think I could make it the best day of your life.”

Your eyebrows shoot up immediately, and it’s hard to keep the tease in your voice when the rest of your face betrays you with a huge smile. “Oh, yeah? Well, I’m sure with all your nerdy research, you’re practically a pro by now.” Chenle opens his mouth to bark out some confirmative response, or more likely beg you to stop with the teasing. Though, before he can do any of that, you just shake your head, grabbing his hand in yours and, with the knowledge that both of your parents were still at work for the next few hours, easily guiding him to your bedroom without a second thought. “Come on, big head.”

Chenle smiled brightly at the back of your head as he followed you up the stairs. “I’m so lucky,” he responds, the sarcasm not doing any good at covering up how much he genuinely meant that statement…if only Chenle knew how lucky he made you feel.

Ever since then, it became clear that sex with you was going to consistently stay at the forefront of Chenle’s mind. He was absolutely obsessed with the opportunity to know you more than he already did after the first thirteen years of memorizing you as his best friend. Each curve of your body was something sacred for him, and he took every chance he could get to indulge in it some more. Two weeks after your first time, Chenle met you at your front door with the same gleam in his eyes as ever.

“Hey, baby,” you say, leaning in to quickly kiss him before moving back so he could actually step inside your house. “What do you wanna do today?”

“Sex!” He immediately answers, his tone as though he were a kid asking for candy. You drop your head with a small laugh.

“Not today, lele,” you reply, and Chenle’s brows shoot up in question, though the playfulness is still coating his every move.

“Was my approach wrong? Let’s go from the top, I’ll make my words more sophisticated,” he jokes with a smirk.

You finally give a solemn shake of your head. “No, Chenle.”

His demeanor immediately shifts as he falls into concern. “Okay, what’s wrong?” He asks, placing his hand softly on your cheek so he can guide your eyes back to his own. You meet his worried eyes and immediately dart your gaze away again, laughing softly in embarrassment.

“Nothing. I just started my period today,” you explain, and Chenle immediately lets out a sigh of relief as you watch understanding wash over his figure. You pick up at the end of his sigh and continue with your answer. “My cramps are always the worst on day one.”

Once sure you weren’t breaking up with him nor banning him from ever fucking you again, he easily slips back into his usual manner with you; in this case, instantly getting on your ass. “Why didn’t you tell me?! I would’ve brought over your favorite snacks and your microwavable stuffed animal you always keep at my place and-”

You cut him off, shaking your head with a small smile. “I don’t need all that, though. I just wanna be with you.”

Chenle renders completely still for a moment. For a man who seemed to struggle with words, yours always ended up hitting him right on. He moves to instead wrap you in a tight hug, a contrasting gentle kiss placed on the top of your head as he just held you there for a moment. He finally moves to instead kiss your cheek and pull back a bit. “Movie night, then?” He suggests lightly.

You flash a soft grin in his direction, eyebrows raising as you stare back at him. “Will you hold me the whole time?” You ask seriously in return. Chenle rolls his lips inwards to hide his smile, though he can’t hide the light dusting of pink now covering his cheeks and tips of his ears.

“Is that even a question?” His banter back is ruined by the sheer softness of it. Your grin widens as you grab his hand and lead him towards the couch in the living room. You lean into him easily and he doesn’t think twice before pulling you even closer, holding you even tighter, as your favorite movie begins playing in front of you. “We’re watching the Steph Curry documentary after this, just so you know,” Chenle suddenly speaks up, a faint laugh in his tone - a strange vocalic considering he was completely serious, but you realize it’s his attempt to be softer with you right now, figuring you had it bad enough with your cramps that you didn’t need his bluntness on top of it.

“I’m pretty sure we can both quote the entire documentary by now,” you banter back with a disinterested groan. Chenle looks over at you by his side with a playful gleam in his eyes.

“Exactly! Which means we have to watch it one more time to really make sure.”

You roll your eyes at him but relent without another word; you still had an hour and a half of the first movie anyways.

It was a little over two hours later when your parents got home from work to find the two of you seemingly in conversation, only to realize the movie in front of you had no sound and it was just you and Chenle switching back and forth quoting each line - neither of you cutting the other a break should there be a moment of hesitation…so half of the script was recounted in between laughs and over the other’s teasing. Needless to say, once the Curry documentary started, there had been significantly less cuddles than before, but your cramps, however painful they may have been, were the last thing on your mind. It was only when you sat down for dinner that reality came flooding back over you, suddenly making it hard to sit down again. Trying not to focus on the pain, you instead thought about how pain-free the past few hours have been. You hated that Chenle knew what would work so well…you hated that he wouldn’t always be here to make it work again.

After dinner, your parents made their way out back to enjoy the firepit and calm night. You and Chenle found yourselves back on the couch, this time old cartoons you used to watch during childhood taking up space on the TV rather than movies. You cuddled into him easily, and he did his best to love on you enough to make the pain go away again.

When your parents finally came back inside, the TV was still running but you and Chenle were asleep against each other, his arms wrapped around you protectively as the two of you shifted so that you were laying down on top of his figure rather than just leaning against his shoulder. Your parents just let out light sighs, sad smiles covering their faces as your dad turned off the TV and your mom laid a blanket over the two of you before texting Chenle’s aunt and letting her know that Chenle wouldn’t be making his way back across the street tonight. They weren’t sure if they were feeding the beast by letting the two of you spend the night together, but it was too hard on their hearts to impose a future reality when you guys were so at home living in the present.

The morning sun eventually made its way through the windows to disrupt the darkness of your unconscious state. Still refusing to open your eyes, you just turn your head so that you're facing away from the window. Though, that’s when a hand lightly trails through your hair to move it away from your face, and you realize you’re still against Chenle’s chest. At once, you blink awake, and when you move your gaze to look at Chenle, you can hear the snap of silence as his breath gets caught in his throat. He shakes out of it with a smile, once again running his fingers through your hair as he begins to speak softly. “God, I wanna wake up next to you for the rest of my life.”

Your face goes fire red and you immediately rush to bury it back in his chest. “Shut up,” you chide. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Because I need you to know that,” he responds in sincerity, kissing the top of your head since your face was still hidden. “I’ll always want it to be you.” His soft confession served to be one of the most reassuring and sweetest things you’ve ever heard, and you knew he meant it wholeheartedly. However, while warmth took over 98% of your body, there was the other 2% overcome with a certain uneasiness. With Chenle claiming that he would always want it to be you he wakes up next to, it was the first time you felt a sense of pity for the girl on the other end of this arranged marriage with Chenle, because while you could never be her, she would never be you.

You push the thought to the back of your mind, sure anyone around you would call you crazy for feeling pity for his future wife. Instead, you pick your head back up and press a light kiss to his lips, and just like that, 75% of the rest of summer nights and early mornings saw you and Chenle asleep against each other.

All too soon, Chenle was accompanying your family as you moved into your college dorm. There was a week left before the first day of classes, and in between now and then, Chenle would have his fateful flight back to Shanghai. You had spent the past few nights crying yourself to sleep - well, if it wasn’t a night you and Chenle were spending together. All you wanted to do was be strong for him, your mind a constant loop of how sorry he looked as he asked to be selfish for the summer and indulge in his feelings. The last thing you wanted was for him to actually feel bad about it, to know how painful it truly was for you, when you knew he was going through the same thing himself. You didn’t need to add to the heavy weight on his shoulders imposed by almost every other figure in his life. So, you kept your tears to yourself. It wasn’t that hard anyways, being in Chenle’s presence meant a constant smile was on your face without ever having to think about it.

Once all your things were put away and you could pass as ‘moved in,’ you stood opposite your parents in the doorway to your dorm as Chenle used the bathroom. With a few words and quite a bit more unspoken ones, your parents made themselves conscious of the time on their watch and then bid you goodbye for a bit.

When Chenle came back out from the bathroom, he looked around for your parents, but his shoulders instantly fell once he failed to lay eyes on them. Instead, he turned to you in complete seriousness, pointing a thumb out to the side towards where your bed was as he looked at you with raised brows. “Can I be the first to fuck you on your dorm bed?” He asks plainly, and despite yourself, a loud laugh erupts from your chest.

“Chenle!” You chide, and the familiar big grin makes its way back across his lips.

“What? Isn’t that a thing?” He laughs off in question as though nothing were amiss. He quickly shakes his head, regaining his serious composure as he begins in his attempts at convincing you. “Regardless, I won’t get to experience it for myself so you should take pity on me. And I want this bed to be able to know me before any other college boy toy,” he states plainly, making you drop your head to hide the smile conjured up by his words.

“So glad you think that after you go back to China, I’ll resort to boy toys,” you shoot back monotonously. Chenle finally fumbles as he rushes to steer your mindset in a different direction.

“Okay, it came out wrong. That’s not what I meant,” he assures, but you stare back at him with raised, uninterested brows.

“Yes it was,” you reply immediately, but with the smallest peek of a smile from you, Chenle loses his tension again, ducking his head into his shoulders with a dumb laugh.

“I know.”

You shake your head at him to accompany the eye roll. “I hate you,” you say through a laugh, much to your dismay because you could not sell the bit to save your life. Chenle knew it, too, as he pops back up to look in your eyes with nothing but a tease behind his own.

“So, that’s a no to fucking on your dorm bed?” He questions, making it seem as though that were your least desired possibility rather than his own. His mind games didn’t need to work, though, as you shake your head with a fond smile this time, taking a step towards him to kiss his lips softly.

“I already told my parents to explore the campus,” you admit, and Chenle’s kissed lips turn into a childish grin that he had to calm down from before he could even think about kissing you again.

“Hmm…I think I like my bed better,” Chenle finally says, tossing your shirt back over to you as you both now sit up in your bed. You can’t help the laugh that escapes you at his words.

“Well, I would hope so,” you tease. “Yours is a King as opposed to this Twin.”

Chenle shakes his head, dismissing your banter as he responds with more contemplation than the situation called for. “No, I mean, the bigger bed is nice but I don’t think that’s it. I think this one is just a little too squeaky,” he concludes with resolve. All you can do is laugh, leaning over to place a fond kiss on his cheek.

“You had high standards for plastic-covered springs,” you joke as you pull back. Chenle looks over at you with raised brows.

“I have high standards in general. That’s why I like you,” he responds, and instead of letting yourself get embarrassed by how flustered that statement was about to make you, you nudge him in the side with a roll of your eyes.

“Whatever. We both know I was too low maintenance for you to originally fathom,” you reply, and Chenle finally lets a huge smile break across his face.

“We were kids in a suburb and I came from money…there was a lot I couldn’t fathom,” he recounts seriously. You move your head to look over at him by your side, a soft smile on your lips as the playfulness behind your eyes begins fading to match it.

“I’m glad you finally came around,” you start with sincerity. “The suburb will be sad to see you go.”

Chenle lets out a heavy breath at your words, the weight of reality seeming to hit you both at the same time. He finally nods his head a little, not in agreement but something like contemplation. “Speaking of, I guess we should get back to it. Now that we moved you in, we have to move me out.” The words are bitter on his tongue. The two of you did an immensely good job at sticking to the present throughout this past summer, but now that the present involved the first steps of the dreaded future, it was hard to stay lighthearted. You did your best, though, responding with a faint laugh.

“Yeah, I’m sure my parents have just about exhausted every way they can keep themselves busy anyways,” you point out playfully, and Chenle finally seems to remember he’s still sitting shirtless in your bed. He looks over at you, realizing he’s the only one to have fallen behind on getting dressed again, and with a matching laugh, he begins to remedy that.

“I can’t believe how chill your parents are,” he replies with a bit of awe as he pulls his t-shirt over his body.

You shake your head at him, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth in thought. “They’re not, they just like you.” Your reply is more serious again and Chenle swings his gaze your way with raised brows. You pull up your own to match, and a small smile plays on your lips as you continue. “If it was anyone else, they would’ve had me by the throat.”

Chenle takes in your cautious figure and furrows his brows, not at all seeing the consequences in the same light you were. “You like that, though,” he replies, nudging you in the side and getting the both of you to laugh. You shake your head, dropping it to cover your face with your hands in embarrassment.

“Sometimes, I wish you had a filter,” you banter back, but when you uncover your face again to look over at Chenle, his demeanor had completely shifted, as though your laugh had reminded him that he didn’t know how many more times he would be able to hear it.

“I’m sorry for having to leave,” he says miserably. “Your family has been so nice to me, all throughout childhood and now trusting me with you…” He drags off, his gaze moving across the bed beneath him and over to you, hair messy and lips slightly swollen from his kisses. He shakes his head. “Like this, and I’m just up and leaving.” You can tell he’s getting pissed at himself with every new word, but he doesn’t give you time to jump in right away. “I put you in a position where I knew you’d get hurt. I feel like an asshole.”

Gently, you bring both of your hands to cover over his own against his lap, and he turns his gaze your way at the contact, allowing you to see him physically break from his reverie and instead soften in your presence. “Chenle, you aren’t an asshole,” you reassure. “I knew what I was signing up for at the beginning of summer, and I told my parents exactly how this was going to go, too. No one blames you for having familial obligations. Not me and not my parents. They aren’t mad that you’re the reason my heart is gonna break in a few days, they’re just really really grateful you’ve been the reason behind the happiest three months of my life.” Your words carry enough weight, it was obvious that that’s truly how you viewed the situation. If possible, Chenle felt worse. He was the bad guy here, and you were reframing it for his benefit. He never felt like he deserved you, and had no clue how you managed to think otherwise for the past three months.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. You whip your head towards his face once you hear his shattered tone, and your lips part in disbelief. You always figured Chenle would be the strong one, but today’s proved to you that’s not the case.

“Hey,” you start, rubbing a thumb beneath his eyes before his tears could fully roll down his cheeks, an accompanying fond laugh to cover over your own heartache. “Don’t get all sad on me now, we still have four days until you leave.”

Chenle gives a weak smile, catching your hand with his own and bringing it from his eyes down to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to the back of your hand before shifting grips and giving it a tight squeeze. “Let’s go find your parents.” His voice cracks again as he speaks, and he’s finally able to let out an embarrassed laugh in response. You just nod your head, leaning over to grab your phone and find a well-timed text informing you they were waiting at a café on University Boulevard. So, with a onceover in the mirror to make sure the general public wouldn’t be able to tell you and Chenle just fucked, you led him out the door.

Once you got back home, you and Chenle hardly ever left each other’s sides…even less than normal. There was a shift ever since you moved most of your things to university, and everything started to feel a little more real as opposed to the way the rest of this summer felt like an escape from that reality. You both were running out of time, and you couldn’t do anything but be conscious of the fact. It affected Chenle the most, and you could tell from his first touch once the two of you got back.

Up to now, sex with Chenle was a full-on activity. It was rough, hot, and passionate to say the least - he would fuck you. However, the last four days, the air had completely changed. Now all his movements were softer, slower. He was trying to memorize you.

His eyes would become distant sometimes, and only he knew that it meant he was replaying the first day he met you - five-year-old him staring judgementally on the sidewalk out front of his aunt’s house as he watched you play with the water hose, getting messy for no reason and having the audacity to laugh with joy because of it. When you met his gaze, you motioned for him to come join you, to which he adamantly shook his head and decided he was never making friends with the kids on the block. However, as he turned around to go back inside, figuring some basketball could wait until all the messy kids were gone, cold water hit his back in a sensation that had him whipping around again. His first thought was to start spouting Chinese words that he heard his parents say sometimes after they got off business calls with ‘imbeciles of clients,’ but instead as he laid eyes on you, just a few feet away now, with a water gun in your hands and the brightest of joys in your eyes, he forgot all his words. All he knew was that he wanted to be friends with the kids on the block. Though, not even that, he just wanted to be friends with you. He swore in that moment you outshone the sun, and he wanted in on your warmth.

If Chenle knew then what he did at fourteen, he’s not sure he would’ve ever allowed himself to get close to you. However, if he knew then what he did now at eighteen, closer to you than he’s ever been, he’s positive he’d go through this heartbreak a thousand times if it meant he got to love you even once, and he wouldn’t have waited so damn long to love you in the first place.

The last day - the last time, the distant look in Chenle’s eyes wasn’t there at all. Instead, it was filled with non-stop whispered words of how much you meant to him, how much he adored you; his voice occasionally catching in his throat when he got too sentimental, and you’d be reminded of how hard it was for him to articulate his thoughts at all; so all you could think to do was pull him down for a kiss and swallow his words instead.

Then you blinked and it was already the day of Chenle’s departure. Your parents had been outside most of the morning helping Chenle and his aunt load the car up with his things. You took no part in it. Instead, you sat in your room, hugging your knees and staring blankly. The only tell that you weren’t frozen was the fact that you were chewing on your bottom lip, truthfully destroying it, but it was the only thing you could think to do to ground yourself at the time.

With a light knock on the door, your mom enters your bedroom and you move your head up to meet her gaze. “Chenle’s sitting outside. We got him all packed up and everything.”

You swallow harshly and your eyes immediately find your knees again. “I know,” you reply shortly, your voice hardly above a whisper.

A sad smile crossed your mom’s face, but when she saw you making no effort to move in response to her words, she let out a sigh. “Sitting in your room doesn’t stop time.” Her words come out flat, like a lecture, and you knew she was trying to juggle how to be both, a ray of comfort and an authority figure. “You still have to say goodbye.”

You shake your head to dismiss the bit of worry held in her tone as she gave you orders. She didn’t have to walk on eggshells around you, it was that you were the one mentally walking on eggshells around your heart. “I’m just trying to keep my emotions from running high,” you say monotonously, finally looking up at her. You watch her eyes widen as she notices the glaze of tears over your own, and shake your head again in frustration before dropping it back down to your lap. “The last thing he needs is to have to leave while I’m in tears. He’ll never want to go.”

Your mom rolls her lips inward, and suddenly she understands why you’ve taken solace in tearing up your own bottom lip before she walked in. Though, with a sigh, she speaks again with her best attempt at unbiased advice. “He already doesn’t want to go - but the fact of the matter is that when you look back on this moment days, months, years later, you’ll want to have said ‘goodbye.’” You shake your head immediately, she was wrong.

“No. I don’t ever want to say ‘goodbye’ to Chenle,” you claim with more force than you thought yourself capable of in such a fragile moment. You glance up to watch the outsider persona she tried to create instead fall away, and she just went back to being your mom.

She fumbled with her thoughts for a few moments, mouth opening and closing again as she shook away everything she didn’t want to say. Finally, she presses her lips to form a thin line, and then is immediately turning around to walk back out of your door. “You can wish him luck, then, but you need to go see him.” As her words come out, straightforward and not open for debate, you realize why she started walking away as she delivered them, because she wouldn’t have been able to face you and give such orders. Her words were still not what you needed to hear, and you both knew that, but she had to exert some authority and get you to at least do what seemed best in the long run; you figure that’s why it was hard for you to take in…you and Chenle didn’t have a long run. The concept of it hurt enough to pull you up from bed and out the front door.

Without a word, you sit down next to Chenle on the sidewalk, making a chair out of the step in the pathway leading up to his aunt’s house. He moves his head to look over at you, registering that you were next to him. With a breath, you turn to face him as well, a smile on your lips that didn’t quite reach your eyes, though the tears once occupying them were successfully blinked back.

He ignores your smile of reassurance, instead just looking over you once and nodding his head minimally before facing the front again and leaning his head on your shoulder. That’s how the two of you stayed for a good five minutes. No words exchanged, just your light breaths and his heavy exhales as you run through every thought in your mind. You weren’t sure which ones to say, which ones would make things worse, or if any of them would make things better.

“Oh!” You startle as the first practical, rather than emotional, thought crosses your mind. “I still have your hoodie, oh my god let me go get-” Your move to get up and run back into your house is ruined by Chenle’s calm words.

“Keep it,” he says immediately, and you whip your head towards him in shock.

“What? Chenle, if I keep it, it’s almost guaranteed you’re never getting it back. We won’t have contact after this.” That was always the deal, he was getting a new phone and his parents were taking any trace of you out of it, blocking your number, the whole nine yards. However, admitting that you weren’t going to have contact after this present moment was incredibly bitter on your tongue. The words make Chenle tense up, too, but he just as quickly continues with a head nod.

“I know. So, keep it. It can be your hoodie, just please don’t forget that it’s mine.” He stops talking once he notices the sorrow in his tone, and you watch as he swallows it back before speaking again, this time with a touch of playfulness. “And even after you stop wearing it, you can give it to your first-born, Chenle, and then it’s Chenle’s hoodie again.” He concludes as though the entire thing made perfect sense, and you didn’t know how to feel with the fact that his banter made this conversation seem so normal. On the one hand, you were grateful when the familiarity fought off any last question of tears, but on the other hand, you hated knowing this was the last time you would get to have a normal conversation with him.

You settle with rolling your eyes rather than figuring out how to feel. “I’m not naming my first-born ‘Chenle,’” you reply, looking at him with raised eyebrows. You watch as a small smile overtakes his face, but it quickly settles into a grimace and then it’s gone.

“It was worth a shot.” He pauses for a beat before turning to face you, his new tone coming off as desperate, helpless. “Don’t ever forget me, okay?”

You shake your head rapidly as you reassure him. “I couldn’t.”

The two of you stare at each other again in silence for a moment. The time to say goodbye was upon you, which is why the conversation died, which is why you remember what your mom had said in your room, and thus you start with your wishes of luck. “You’re gonna do great, you know? Learning how to run a company and everything. No one’s more capable than you. I’m already incredibly proud of you, not because you’re gonna be a crazy successful business man, but because you’re you. So, when you set foot in your dad’s company, don’t lose that, okay? Everything that makes you Chenle. I’d be sad to see that go just for some bottom line.”

Chenle’s shoulders sink as he turns to face the pavement. “I’ll do my best for you,” he assures with a nod. You want to fill the silence again but hardly have a clue what to say. However, that’s when you see Chenle’s lips twitching and you know he’s in the midst of trying to articulate more of his own thoughts. When he does speak up again, his voice is surprisingly steady. “You know, I’ve been thinking lately. That’s all I could ever seem to do these past few weeks. You know I always struggled finding the right words to say, to let you know how much you mean to me. But lately I’ve found my words. And it’s stupid because it’s so easy,” he says with a scoff, and a wave of uneasiness washes over you as you see the smile he’s able to conjure up. “I’ve been saying it over and over again in my head and it’s so natural. I could’ve been telling you this entire time.”

That’s when clarity hits you and you jump to stop him from saying his next words - you couldn’t handle them. “Chenle, don’t-” You speak up in a rush, but he does, too.

“I love you,” he says firmly, finally bringing his head back up to look at you. His eyes are wide in sincerity, making sure you could see every emotion behind them, how much he meant it. “I love you, y/n l/n. I really do.”

Every last bit of strength you had vanished in milliseconds, and instead you bawled your eyes out sitting on that pavement. “You stupid kid,” you cry out, ramming your head into his shoulder. Underneath you, Chenle froze, and you realize he has no clue if you’re sad or genuinely mad at him. “I’m gonna miss you so much,” you add weakly, a hand coming up to clutch at his shirt. Chenle immediately softens, placing both of his arms around you as best he can. All this time, you had been mentally preparing to comfort him, to be so incredibly strong for him so that he could take his next steps and not feel incredibly guilty for doing so…but now he was the one comforting you as you sobbed in his arms. Chenle could figure out how to articulate his feelings but you couldn’t even get this right - he was stronger than you.

No more words were exchanged between the two of you. He held you in his arms as you tried to rid yourself of tears, but you couldn’t even accomplish that before his aunt gave the first gentle warning that they had to get on the road. Chenle felt you freeze in his arms, and he hated knowing that, regardless of how you wanted to frame it, he was the reason you were crying and torn up like this. If it was up to him, he would’ve never left you; but it wasn’t up to him, so all he could do was leave you with something - his hoodie, and the softest of kisses on the top of your head, getting you to finally pick your head up again so he could place more kisses across the span of your face, slowly but surely kissing your tears away until he made his way down to your lips…and there he finally faltered, letting out a heavy breath against your skin. A last kiss sounded horrible, did he even want one so clearly defined, or was it better for your last kiss to have been yesterday, being able to remember it as basked in love rather than tears. His inner debate was more like a war as his eyes roamed over every inch of your face - what to do? What’s best? Tears were still running down your face but he can't shake how beautiful you look right now…he loves you. How does he kiss you goodbye? How could he ever say goodbye? Does he not do anything at all? He loves you. Is a final goodbye best left unspoken? Unkissed?

His state of drowning in his thoughts gets cut off as you make the decision for him, leaning in to kiss him softly, and instead he’s drowning in you…and your last kiss. It was delicate and innocent, with the audience you had, it probably would have been weird for it to be any other way. Regardless, he still chases your lips after you pull back - that couldn’t have been it; but then the car starts and his eyes shoot open as they dart over to where his aunt was getting situated in the driver’s seat. Chenle whipped back around to face you and looked terrified, but the roar of the engine was a constant reminder of where he needed to be - he couldn’t put it off any longer. He opened his mouth to say something but no words came out, instead it was just quick, heavy breaths and a scared shake of his head. None of that meant that he wasn’t in the act of standing up from the pavement, making his way to the car…leaving you.

Every step you watched him take as he left was another drop of poison in your bloodstream, a poison you should’ve built up tolerance for already given how many small doses it seemed like you were taking throughout the last three months. Though, you must be kidding yourself - goodnight kisses under the porch light before watching him walk the few steps to the other side of the road were nothing even close to poison; an antidote, maybe, to last you throughout the night and fight off the poison of when you were apart, but there were no more goodnight kisses to keep you going now. It was a different sting, your muscles tightened, you couldn’t move, couldn’t look away. Though, you refused to watch him go, leaving it up to your tears to blur the sight of it. The scene in front of you was nothing other than a tragedy, an ending no one was satisfied with, not because it could’ve ended differently, but because it was always going to end this way. There was no crazy plot twist or invocation of Deus Ex Machina to change the narrative. No, just the same, sad, memorized ending of a story you forgot was your own. You played yourselves for fools, believing you could outrun a truth that only ever gained on you with each stride - that, together, the only thing the two of you needed was what you would never be able to have…more time.

#Chenle #Zhong Chenle #NCT Dream #Chenle fic #Chenle x reader #NCT Dream x reader #nct x reader #Chenle fanfic #NCT #NCT Dream fic #Chenle fluff #NCT Dream fluff #Chenle angst #nct dream imagines #nct imagines

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urdreamgirlangel · 3 days ago

Text

The Summer I Become My Own Best Friend 🌺 🥥 🌴

highways of my life by lerma de la cruz

You know who’s going to give you everything you want? Yourself.

You know who always has your back? Yourself.

You know who’s never going to leave you? Yourself.

This summer is about creating space to feel comfortable in who I am and setting the tone for choosing the right people to allow into my life. I’m taking the time to invest in myself, not just to be alone, but to trust myself, show up for me, be my own safe place, and my biggest push forward.

Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone ₊˚⊹ᰔ

I like to challenge myself. I want to do that more often, but I’ve built this little safety box around me, and it’s hard to break out of. So I’m taking it one step at a time—slowly removing the box around me so I can grow.

Go places alone (cafes, beaches, theaters, etc.)

Starting conversations with strangers (and I don’t mean randomly going up to people for no reason. I mean if I want to find something out, I’m usually too shy and just thug it out but now I’ll slowly break out of this)

Wearing outfits and accessorizing the way I’ve always wanted to but been too scared to.

Doing something that scares me just a little

Every time I take a step, I grow, even if it’s seems scary.

Mother Nature is my Home ₊˚⊹ᰔ

Nature is so beautiful. Genuinely. It amazes me every time.

Being surrounded by it feels necessary- like a reset. Sometimes all it takes is looking up at the sky to remember how big the universe is, and how small my fears and doubts actually are.

Evening strolls with music or journalling

Taking a book to the park or an open field

Getting sunlight on purpose, to feel alive

Touching grass (literally) when life feels fabricated

Stargazing

Creating intentionally ₊˚⊹ᰔ

I want to create habits that feel like home.

Habits, rituals, and routines that help me feel like myself, but also give me a little boost when I need it.

Looking for and trying new recipes

Dancing around my room with no care in the world

Focus periods (just me and my thoughts)

Creating todo and bucket lists

Solo hobbies ₊˚⊹ᰔ

I’ve learned that the best way to love being alone is to make the time feel meaningful.

If I can fill it with things I enjoy- like hobbies that bring me peace or joy- then being by myself doesn't feel lonely. It feels full.

Learn a new language (basic French and Korean for me)

Reading (i manifested some new books so summer is on)

Beach trips (manifesting a cute beach bag!)

Crocheting (buying a kit from Amazon)

Catching up on shows and giving new ones a chance

Working out (yes I’m going to make working out a hobby)

Colouring

Plant identification + gardening (flowers mainly)

Scrapbooking

Hair care (ayurvedic hair growth spray: fenugreek powder, flaxseed powder, rosemary, hibiscus leaves powder, a small drop of jojoba oil)

Baking + trying new recipes completely - (lemon raspberry cinnamon rolls, irish cream pie, whipped honey coffee, ginger ale)

Boundaries that will always put me first ₊˚⊹ᰔ

Without boundaries, I move on autopilot. And when I do, I shrink into the girl who just wanted to be seen. But that’s not me anymore. So I stepped back from anything that made me feel invisible, too much or not enough. I decided to make a list. Not for them. For me. A quiet reminder to only hold onto what feels like love. No more shrinking. I deserve to take up space.

I won’t stretch myself thin just to keep up with everyone else.

If I’m tired, I rest. No guilt.

If scrolling makes me feel worse, I log off.

I’m allowed to mute, block, or unfollow without warning or guilt.

Just because someone sees my story doesn’t mean they have access to me.

If it feels one-sided, I stop pouring.

If someone’s presence drains me, I don’t force a connection.

I won’t chase anyone for clarity, love, or attention.

I honor my feelings even when others don’t understand them.

I don’t stay where I feel small or unseen.

I don’t abandon myself just to be liked.

If something feels off, I trust that.

I get to choose peace, even if it means disappointing someone.

I don’t wait for others to validate my dreams.

I’m allowed to outgrow people, places, and versions of myself.

I don’t apologize for choosing what’s best for me.

Intentions for the Season ₊˚⊹ᰔ

🍓🌴 I’ll listen to my voice louder than anyone else’s.

🍓🌴I will say yes to things that scare me in a good way

🍓🌴 I will make this summer count

🍓🌴 This summer is mine

@urdreamgirlangel 444 more!

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mayrose713 · 5 months ago

Text

Beautifully Cruel World-Chapter 16

Series Masterlist | Previous | Next

ABO Non-Idol Stray Kids Universe Poly OT8 x Reader 18+ MDNI

Warnings in the Series Masterlist as well as any other information needed

Chapter 16

“Are you excited?” Felix bounces in the passenger seat as Jeongin drives, Y/n in the back.

“You won’t even tell me where you’re taking me.” The omega laughs. “All I can be excited about is spending time with you two.”

“Well, are you excited to spend time with us?” Jeongin looks back at her in the rearview mirror.

“Of course I am.” She smiles. “I love doing anything with you guys.”

“Well we’re here.” Felix points to the building that they pull up to.

Y/n leans forward to look between the front two seats for a better look. “A video game cafe.”

“Do you play video games?”

“Hyuk and I would play a lot before I presented.” She smiles. “And one of my friends and I would play in college too. Can’t tell you how many all nighters we did.”

They all step out of the car, Felix waiting for her before shutting the door behind her and grabs her hand as Jeongin comes around the car.

“Another reason we chose to do this is because Lix is too sunburned to be out in the sun today.” The alpha rubs the other male's cheek that is tinted red from their beach day.

“You and Hyunjin really should have listened to Chan yesterday about sunscreen.” Y/n squeezes his hand as they walk towards the door of the cafe.

“I know I know.” Felix sighs. “I will next time. I’m learning from the consequences as my skin hurts.”

Jeongin laughs. “Your skin hurts?”

“What? It does.”

“That’s just a weird way of saying it.” Felix pouts at Jeongin’s teasing.

Once inside, Jeongin talks to the person at the desk as Y/n looks around seeing all the computers set up with comfy chairs. There's even a few VR set ups around the place. And of course a snack bar.

“Alright, we’ve got one of the VR stations and the three computers next to it reserved for a few hours.” Jeongin looks at the paper he was given to see which station and computers are theirs.

“And this is why you are my favorite alpha.” Felix hugs him. “The other three would never have splurged on one of the VR stations.”

“Just don’t tell them that I did.”

“Won’t they know after they see how much you spent with their card?” Y/n asks as Jeongin leads them to the stations that is on their reservation.

“I’m just hoping they don’t question it.” Jeongin sighs and they all take a seat at the computers first.

“What games did you like to play?” Felix asks as he’s already loading up League of Legends.

“Umm, my friend and I spent a lot of time playing Stardew Valley as well as a lot of horror games.”

“Felix is obsessed with playing LOL.” Jeongin points out. “Plays it all the time at home.”

Y/n looks over at the other omega’s screen. “If you play it so much then why are you still bronze?”

Jeongin bursts out laughing as Felix pouts. “Yeah Lixie, why are you still bronze?”

“Shut up.” He mumbles.

“What do you want to play, Jagiya?”

“Well I’ve never played LOL.” She says as she watches Felix play. “So I wouldn’t mind learning that.”

“I’ll teach you then.” The alpha smiles and they load the game up. “Maybe you’ll be better than Lix and can help him get to silver.”

“Yah!” Felix gaps at Jeongin before pouting again.

After Jeongin teaches Y/n the basics of League of Legends they play for a while and sure enough, the female omega is better and actually carries their team.

“I’ve had enough.” Felix rage quits and pulls up the ordering menu on his computer for the snackbar. “Let’s order food then do some VR. What do you want, sunshine?”

She looks over the menu as he scrolls before pointing at the screen. “Some tteokbokki please. Ji had let me try some of his the other day and I had liked it.”

Felix adds three things of tteokbokki for all of them as well as gets some fried chicken, cheese ramen, and Korean corn dogs for him and Jeongin telling Y/n she can have some of theirs too if she wants.

“Have you ever done VR before, Y/n?” Jeongin asks as he sets it up.

“No, I haven't.”

“Why don’t you look through the list of games and see which one you wanna play and we’ll have you go first.”

She scrolls through the games before her eyes light up. “I’ve heard of beat saber before, it sounded fun.”

Jeongin gets her set up with the game and she has fun for a while playing different songs, failing at a few fast ones before Felix tells her to play Job Simulator. She has fun working the convenience store, throws a few things at some of the robot customers and the boys just watch her as she laughs and smiles, acting so carefree.

She takes a break when the food comes and eats her tteokbokki and some of Felix’s fried chicken and Jeongin’s ramen. She wasn’t a huge fan of the corn dogs though. Jeongin then gets up and continues with Job Simulator playing the mechanic job, confused as he tries to figure out the different car parts.

“This is why when we have car trouble I let the hyungs deal with it.”

“You are definitely no mechanic, Innie.” Felix laughs.

During Felix’s turn he plays at the restaurant. At first he was actually doing really well, until he left the food on the stove too long.

“Uh, Lixie, the steak is on fire.” Y/n laughs as she watches what he’s seeing on the computer screen.

“Oh shit.”

“And this is why Minho hyung doesn’t let you be unsupervised in the kitchen.” Jeongin laughs.

“Minnie and I burned pancakes one time.” Felix huffs.

“Just be happy they still let you bake and help Min.” Jeongin reminds him. “Seungmin isn’t even allowed in the kitchen anymore.”

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

“Hey pups.” Changbin smiles when Jeongin, Felix and Y/n walk back into the vacation house. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah.” Felix purrs as he hugs the alpha, seeming to be in a really good mood.

“Y/n’s better than Felix at League.” Jeongin smirks. “And she had never played before today.”

“Binnie, Innie’s being mean.” Felix pouts into his chest.

“Why does he seem to be so spaced out?” Changbin eyes the omega in his arms before looking at Jeongin.

“I may have heavily scented them both when we left the cafe and they cuddled in the back seat the whole way here.” Jeongin watches the female as she curls up on the couch having not said anything yet. “Y/n’s a bit spacey too.”

“Aww, is my angel all spacey.” Jisung, who was eating a snack in the kitchen, overheard and went to the omega on the couch. “Come here my baby.”

“Hi Jisungie.” She purrs as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her to his chest.

“Why don’t you go join them?” Changbin nudges Felix over to the couch and he cuddles up on the betas other side who is loving every moment of this.

Changbin and Jeongin watch over the three of them as they cuddle until Chan comes back with Hyunjin and sees the cuddle pile on the couch.

“Who allowed a cuddle party without me?” Hyunjin pouts.

“Innie scented the omegas into sub space after their date.” Changbin explains and Hyunjin moves over to lay against Y/n’s back.

“Are they okay?” Chan leans over the back of the couch to check on them and Jisung tilts his head up to look at him.

“They’re good. They’re napping now.”

The alpha pushes a strand of hair out of Felix’s face before looking at Jeongin. “We need to work on how you scent them. Y/n’s still new to all of this and is more sensitive to being scented, especially when you do it so hard like this.”

“She asked me to heavily scent her.”

“Really?” Hyunjin leans up to look at the youngest.

“Felix and I both warned her that she’d slip into sub space if she allowed me to do that and be vulnerable but she persisted.” Jeongin looks down at her. “Felix told me to scent him first so she could see how it is. I didn’t even have to do a lot for her. Like you said, she’s still sensitive to it so she slipped pretty quickly.”

“I’m glad she trusts us enough to be vulnerable like this in front of us.” Chan looks over her closely. “But I can’t help but wonder what is going through her head that made her feel like she needed to slip for a bit to get away from it.”

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin looks worried now.

“Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn’t know.” Jisung looks at his fellow beta. “You and Minnie never feel the need to slip like Felix and I do. Normally we’ll ask one of the alphas to heavily scent us when we’re wanting to mentally get away from everything. Me normally when my anxiety is high. Lix when he’s having a rough day.”

“It’s kind of a safe space for them mentally.” Changbin continues. “And they know they’re safe with us there so they don’t need to be mentally aware.”

“But then why would Y/n ask Jeongin to help her slip?” Hyunjin frowns.

“Did she seem anxious to you at all while you were at the cafe?” Chan turns to the young alpha.

“No.” He shakes his head as he thinks back to their date. “She actually seemed to be so carefree for most of it. The only time she seemed off was when we got into the car and she asked me to heavily scent her into sub space.”

“Let’s not think too much about this.” Chan shakes his head. “She might have not been wanting to mentally get away from something but just wanted to feel what it was like. Lixie might’ve told her about it at one point and she just wanted to try it so she asked Jeongin to do it while having him there.”

“That’s a good point.” Changbin agrees. “But everyone still keep an eye on her just in case. I’ll tell Minho and Seungmin the same thing.”

Everyone nods in agreement and Hyunjin looks at Chan.

“Hey hyung?”

“Yes Jinnie.” Chan moves over leaning on the back of the couch where the beta lays.

“Could you… scent me into sub space too?” Hyunjin looks up at him deep in thought. “I don’t really need it but I want to know what it feels like.”

“I can do that for you sometime yeah.” Chan nods. “But if you’re not needing it right now then it’s best to keep you here. It’ll already be hard enough having two omegas in sub space to deal with.”

“That’s okay.” Hyunjin smiles. “I was thinking more of doing it when we go back home so I’m somewhere I know and am more comfortable in.”

“Sounds perfect baby.”

______________________________________________________________

Taglist is closed for a bit as I am unable to tag anymore right now

Tag list: @pixie0627 @sinfulfic @estella-novella @mbioooo0000 @ms-flowergirl @blindspot143 @ihrtlix @arishoriasims @fic-for-readers @motheraiya55 @hwangrfrnd @lxvxchxrlxttxbxrsx22-blog @juskz @borahae-reads @dreamerwasfound @galaxy4489 @kayleefriedchicken @lostgirlinthewoodss @catkight @royal-shinigami @notevenheretbh1 @passionandsuga @m00njinnie @sukss @n1nme4r @blueberrydish @xxeiraxx @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @aalexyuuuhm @kaleigh-2002 @btskzfav @hyunmikim @ot8girlfie @sillygoosegoose @tr0p1cal @eastjonowhere @hime-honne @furfoxsake22 @luvlino23 @iknow-uknow-leeknow @im-sinking-in-mud @fiest4plum @forevermoremagcon @comicnerd557 @nchhuhi @alyxcatspost @danceonmyheyday @maisyyyyyy @shycreationdreamland @chanshugsaretherapy

@violet-hatake @idkwhoisthis1971 @mo0n13 @yumuramma @nuggiesnuggetdog04

@pineapplekitty3-16

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signanothername · 7 months ago

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How do you headcanon the utmv characters' voices to sound like? I've always pictured dream and nightmare as having British accents for some reason. Am I alone in this or do you share this sentiment?

(Btw I love your art, you're literally my favorite utmv creator!)

Thank you sm!! <333

I actually shared what I think Nightmare’s and Killer’s voices to sound like :D

Ngl never thought of the others much, and I especially didn’t think of accents much, buuut I do have some voices in mind, and I usually match their accents with their creators, but I am not fully sure on it ysgsgsggd

So imma share what’s the closest I have in mind for their voices, and will share the accents I imagine for those I’m sure on, these voice claims can change later, but for now here’s what I have

Killer would have a Saudi accent, Nightmare a Spanish one, but learned to talk in a the British accent a bit, I imagine his British accent to be a bit light, not heavy

Murder

I generally imagine Murder’s voice to be a bit hoarse, definitely on the deeper end, would definitely have a Korean accent

———

Horror

An American accent (not sure which region specifically bxbxvx)

———

Dream

A spanish accent

———

Swap

American accent

———

Ink

I imagine it as a weird combination between this, and this

Ink’s voice is definitely on the lighter end, but tbh I’m not sure how to explain how I imagine his voice except for the fact it’s definitely close to the above two voices in the links shbxbx

I like to think he would either have a french accent, a Japanese one, or a mix between the two

———

Color

Color’s voice is somewhere between the deep and light end to me dhdhhdh

Egyption accent definitely

———

Epic

A Filipino accent

———

Delta

———

Cross

Spanish accent

———

Geno

———

Fresh

Idk why, but Abridged Andriod 17 is the closest I imagine Fresh’s voice to be, just imagine it a bit more lively dhgdgdgd

———

Error (the first character to talk with the glasses is my voice claim for him)

Hot take: Error would have a voice that’s a bit high pitched, on the lighter side, certainly not a deep one

#anothers ask #nightmare sans #dream sans #killer sans #color sans #delta sans #epic sans #murder sans #dust sans #horror sans #swap sans #ink sans #error sans #geno sans #fresh sans

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odileeclipse · 4 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/odileeclipse/775661244514516992/httpswwwtumblrcomodileeclipse775578488590811?source=share

Aahhg I'm fine with whatever!! You decide I don't want to limit your creativity! <3

Pure Vanilla familial connection with Child Reader PT 2.

( can be read as a stand alone or read the first part if you wish to <3)

Word count 6432 (btw I have the Korean dub so shadow milk is characterized like he is in the Korean dub vs Eng dub.)

Beast-Yeast was a daunting place, especially for a cookie who’s innocence and purity’s resolve was crumbling slowly. Pure Vanilla regretted bringing you along to Beast-Yeast but with no one more fit than him to protect you, what was he to do? Watching the faerie cookies fall into deceit, that scared you more than you’d like to admit. You wanted to see the good in everyone. And naively thought perhaps you could change shadow milk too. “Pure Vanilla?” you whispered. You were resting with Pure Vanilla after the banquet in celebration, of momentarily stopping shadow milk. You heard a tired hum in response and took it as permission to continue. “Do you think that maybe we could talk to Shadow milk and tell him to stop?” That immediately took away Pure Vanillas sleep “(y/n) cookie” He sat upright and turned his torso towards you. “I understand your heart seeks understanding, but some cookies are unwilling to listen. Approaching Shadow milk could be dangerous. I wouldn’t want harm to come to you, my light. The best way you can help is to stay safe. Trust me on this” He said gently in an attempt to push any idea you might have. After all, you had no idea what Shadow milk cookie was capable of. Still that didn’t stop you. Making sure Pure Vanilla was asleep you sneaked off, being small made it easy to navigate past the silver tree knights. Directly towards the silver tree. Of course learning from your past mistakes you made sure there would be no roots to trip past. Lest you wanted to give yourself away. You paused, opting to rest on the tree’s large roots. In front of you the tree stood tall and proud. You felt eyes on you. Had they always been watching, maybe. You felt chills. When you heard a whisper soft and hypnotic.

“You’ve come so far…your bravery is admirable” You looked around you panicked searching for the voice. “The others, they don’t understand you, do they? But I do.” You thought back to when Pure Vanilla was discouraging you, it’s not that you didn’t want to trust him but your pure heart insisted there was more you could do. The voice was unsettling soft and oddly soothing, a voice meant just for you. “I see the light in you…so bright, so pure. But light and shadow aren’t enemies, little one. Come closer…Let me show you the truth they hide from you” The voice pulled at your heart closer…you needed to be closer to the tree, your body moved on its own from the roots all the way to the trunk of the silver tree. Oddly enough the tree trunk was warm. “Who are you?” You whispered. “Oh, little one…does a shadow need a name?” You thought for a second. “I-I suppose not but…but it’s rude to not call you by anything” You said thoughtfully. Deep down you knew who it was, but you needed confirmation. “I am the one who lingers, and watches. But if you wish…you may call me whatever you like” You knew the tree had been sealed for good reason but purity and innocence only fueled curiosity. “Call you what I like?” You were afraid to admit you knew who you were speaking to. You came all this way in an attempt to stop him, but it was only natural to fear the unknown. “Ah, you already know don’t you?” Shadow Milk could only giggle. “You can feel it-like a whisper at the edge of a dream. Say it, little one. Let the truth take shape.” You hesitantly spoke up. “Shadow milk cookie?” Whether it was an illusion or not the shadows swirled closer wrapping around you like a cold embrace. The tree was pulsing. “Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner, now tell me-does saying my name make you afraid? Or do you still wish to listen?” You had a strong will and an air of righteousness. “Shadow milk cookie, Does it hurt to be sealed?” He laughed maniacally, you were starting to grow more afraid of getting caught. How could he be so loud you looked around you, it seemed like nobody could hear him but you. “Hurt? Oh little one, pain is such a fleeting thing. You stop feeling it after a while. And then, all that’s left is the waiting.” He chuckled, light and hollow, as if brushing off the truth. “But why ask? Do you pity me?”

“Pity you?” You wanted to sound strong but your answer came out as a question. “Oh? Is that what you feel for me? Little one? How sweet..and yet so foolish. Do you pity the storm before it swallows the sky? Do you pity the night as it falls?” You took his questions seriously. “Those questions are hard…I don't think I understand?” A soft hum lingers in the air. Almost as if he’s actually considering your words. “Understanding is not always immediate, some truths…take time to bloom.” He pauses deliberately, allowing the words to taint your mind. “But I don’t think-” he cuts you off. “But you feel it, don’t you? That pull, that curiosity? It’s why you came here all this way isn’t it? Or am I wrong?” His tone is playful, but there’s weight behind his calculating words, like an invitation…or a trap. “I-I should go, Pure Vanilla might wake and come looking for me.” First you heard silence followed by an amused chuckle, a knowing laughter almost as if he expected this outcome. “Of course! Run back to the light, where it’s safe and simple” his voice was smooth, but there’s an underlying undertone for you to figure out, but it's knowing and alluring. “I’m not running away” You said firmly believing words. “Oh but you are!” He said laughing. The laughter died down. “But tell me, little one…” his tone drops causing chills to run down your back. “When you close your eyes tonight…will you still hear my voice?” The air felt heavier and harder to breathe for a moment lingering before it fades, like a memory. He no longer speaks as if he’s no longer there. He lets you go, but that seed of doubt and curiosity has already been planted.

You ran back quickly attempting to not get caught. But the fear of something watching made your heart pound. Entering through the window slowly and quietly you entered the room where he was. Pure Vanilla bathed in the soft glow of moonlight, he was warm, a stark contrast to the lingering chill of Shadow milk you couldn’t seem to brush off. You climbed into bed, staring at the silver tree from the window. The shadows are gone and yet, Shadow Milk’s voice echoes in your mind. “When you close your eyes tonight… will you still hear my voice?" Pure Vanilla’s calm breathing pulled you away from your thoughts for a moment. You watched him sleep hoping it would bring you some comfort. He was peaceful, unaware of the darkness you spoke to, where you had been.

The next day arrived faster than you hoped. Though you didn’t fear the Shadows, not knowing their intentions scared you. “My friends, I’m grateful you agreed to journey with me to the spire of all knowledge” He said happily, having that air of kindness. “Don’t mention it, Pure Vanilla cookie! That's what friends are for! Am I right?!” GingerBrave said his bravery never faltered. “Exactly you can count on us!” Wizard cookie was inspired by his friend. “Yeah! We’ll follow you anywhere, Pure Vanilla cookie…!” said strawberry cookie a tad bit more timid. You tugged on Pure Vanilla’s sleeve “Am I your friend too?” Pure Vanilla chuckled. “Not exactly…ah don’t feel discouraged, you're much more special than just my friend, you’re my light, my little artist, and most of all dear to my heart.” That only thrilled you. “You’re so silly Pure Vanilla” The playful banter only served as comfort making you momentarily forget where we were headed. Carameleon advised against going to the spire of knowledge insisting “It’s too weird…even I wouldn’t venture there”

You tuned out most of their exchanges more worried about the woods surrounding you. Wondering if perhaps He was there watching. When behind you a cookie came rushing. “Wait for me!” of course GingerBrave was in awe assuming they were a cookie following us from the faire kingdom.You turned to look at her feeling suspicious her actions weren’t pure. “Phew…I…My name is Apple Faerie cooke!” You tugged on Pure Vanilla’s robes and he looked down at you quizzically. “I don’t think we should trust her” You whispered while soft light emanated from your soul jam. “It’s alright my light, not everyone is to be feared” He says to you softly. Apple Faerie chuckles softly.her sugar-glass wings shimmering “See? Even the great Pure Vanilla understands” But the soft glow of your soul jam doesn’t fade. You know what you feel. You held onto your soul jam something was wrong. And yet you see Pure Vanilla’s face is serene, does he not see it? Is he choosing to turn a blind eye? “I heard you’re headed to the spire of all knowledge! Please let me come with you!” The light of purity flickers urging you to do something, but what could you do? Pure Vanilla doesn’t seem to…trust you. No That can’t be right of course he trusts you…he does, doesn't he? Apple Faerie glances at her with a knowing smile, her eyes becoming crimson for a split second. Alarming you but everyone around you seemed to see nothing. “It’s a place unlike any other…A magnificent, yet dreadful place! I can help you, you’ll see!” Apple Faerie sounded reliable but the shadows seemed to follow her. Why did no one else see? Carameleon was more than happy to have her around “A guide?! Well that’s just what we needed!” He said cheerfully. Pure Vanilla too? "We are grateful for your kindness, Apple Faerie Cookie. To have a guide as knowledgeable as you… it is a gift." His staff glows faintly, a soft golden light reflecting in his eyes as he looks at her—not with suspicion, but with hope. “We don’t know what dangers await, (y/n) cookie stay close I don’t know what I’d do if you got hurt.” You continued down the path coming across a shepherd of course GingerBrave and his friends were the first to protect him so you didn’t stray too far from Pure Vanilla. Pure Vanilla forever altruist offered a helping hand. “It’s dangerous to be alone in these woods. We will help you find your sheep.”

“But the spire is the other way!” Apple faerie exclaimed seemingly not wanting to get side tracked. “Don’t worry it’s not going to be much of a detour.” Pure Vanilla seemed confident, you had no other choice to doubt him. Choice? When did you ever want to choose differently. Something wasn’t right it only made you uneasy. You wanted to escape your own dough, the air felt heavy. Perhaps you were just thinking too much. Stuck in your thoughts you followed mindlessly behind the crowd until shouting spooked you “WOLF! WOLF!” cried out the young shepherd. “What?! Was the boy in danger? Wolves are scary but nothing we can’t beat as a team!” Said GingerBrave confidently. The young shepherd giggled. “He he…No! So, when the other cookies came to the rescue, they realized there was no wold, and got so, so angry!” he laughed. Though you didn’t see what was so funny. “It was so funny” Everyone looked at him dumbfounded before he continued with his so called ‘story’. “So, the little boy did it over and over again! He cried wolf, WOLF!” strawberry cookie timidly spoke up “But…why?” you nodded. “Yeah why? That doesn’t make any sense?” It’s like our words fell on deaf ears the shepherd continued “Until One day, a real wolf showed up and took away the entire herd! “WOLF, WOLF!” The boy cried out as loudly as he could… but this time, not a single cookie came to help. You see, they thought the boy was lying as usual.” Wizard cookie had his feathers ruffled and interrupted the shepherd “What a weird story! Why on Earthbread did the boy keep lying?!”

“Yeah, lying is not nice!” Said Gingerbrave resolutely. The shepherd gave such a weird response. “Why, because it was funny.” you tugged on Pure Vanilla “I know we should help everyone but…don’t you find this a little bit strange?” He kneeled down “There is wisdom in caution” His voice is warm, patient acknowledging their doubt rather dismissing it. “And your heart is kind, to be worried for our safety.” He placed a hand over his soul jam. Voice steady and unwavering. “But Kindness is not without the risk, Even when something seems strange shouldn’t we seek to understand before we turn away?” He doesn’t trust my judgement. What? What was that? No he understands he just wants what's best for us. “If there is something amiss…then we shall face it together” You nodded taking in Pure Vanilla’s words doubt filling your heart. You heard bickering between your friends and that shepherd wizard cookie saying. “Funny? You lost your entire herd because of your lie!” the shepherd looked at him feigning confusion. “What do you mean? Oh, we’ve arrived! Look, over there! My sheep!” wolf howls followed. “T-Those aren’t sheep” you said holding onto Pure Vanilla’s robes for protection. Strawberry cookie alarmed looks around. “W-what was that?”

“B-but…those are not…s-sheep!” You nodded in agreement to Wizard cookie’s statement. Innocently the shepherd looked towards but he made eye contact with you almost as if he knew something about you. “Sheep? What sheep? See, I’m not a shepherd, I’m a wolfherd!” Pure Vanilla looked frazzled at the blue boy’s revelation. The blue shepherd left with his wolves and we were all left feeling foolish. “Let me get this straight…The Shepherd Cookie kid was really a Wolfherd Cookie kid?! I’m so confused!” Gingerbrave took the words right out of your mouth. “How are you so gullible, GingerBrave?! That little brat tricked us for some giggles! It was all A LIE!” Shouted Wizard cookie in response to GingerBrave. Pure Vanilla only sighed and attempted to descale things. “It’s…quite alright, everyone. At least no one was hurt, that’s what’s important. Let us continue to the spire of all knowledge. Please lead the way, Apple Faerie cookie.” His voice is steady, never faltering. “Yes of course! Follow me everyone!” She said cheerfully. You looked at Pure Vanilla. He looked sick.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, dusk painted the sky in hues of violet and gold. With nightfall upon us, we had no choice but to halt out journey, gathering beneath the watchful stars to set up camp. You laid beside Pure Vanilla seeking comfort in your protector. The fire crackled softly. A stark contrast to the darkness in the trees. The wind whispered through the trees, but the warmth of the camp is steady and safe. You held onto Pure Vanilla Cookie’s robe. “It’s so dark…and quiet it feels different at night” you said your voice plagued with uncertainty. Pure Vanilla looked down at you, his staff resting beside him, the faint glow of his soul jam shining like a guiding star. “The night can be uncertain, but look” he pointed towards the glimmering night where the stars sparkled like scattered sugar crystals. “Even in the deepest darkness there is always light” He gently wrapped part of his cloak around you, offering warmth. The scent of orchids and vanilla lingered, soothing and familiar. His gentle voice guided your heart. “Rest now. No harm will come to you while I am here.” His voice was a quiet gentle promise steady as the earthbread beneath you. Your eyes felt heavy, still gripping to the soft fabric of his robe. Listening to his gentle steady breathing sleep was able to find you. Safe in the presence of the light of truth.

The warmth of the campfire faded before you, and the stars blurred stretching into an endless swirl of darkness and blue. You blinked a couple times something wasn’t right. It was eerily quiet. Not like night. “You wandered far today, little one.” the voice is neither far nor near. It comes from everywhere, blurring your senses. Soft as silk and deep as an echo. Familiar. You turn around and the landscape changes. No camp, No pure Vanilla, instead it’s a vast open space. The ground is polished and smooth like obsidian. Reflecting your unsure gaze. The sky above is dark but not empty, it pulses. It moves like something more was there. “Tell me was he listening?” A shape forms in the distance, moving closer. Not rushing, patient. Waiting. The edges of the figure ripple like ink bleeding into water. His presence stretching beyond your understanding. “Did he believe you?” You hesitated. Your hands curled onto your soul jam cool and inviting. The soul jam of purity. It’s glow is faint, flickering like a candle against a storm. Shadow milk laughs. “Ah I see.” he isn’t unkind to you. The space around you shifts. The blackened floor ripples and before you it’s Pure Vanilla. You rush towards the light he’s walking ahead, listening to another voice one sweeter, one deceiving. He doesn’t turn to you he doesn’t see you. "You knew something was wrong. You felt it." Shadow Milk’s tone is velvet-soft, laced with something knowing. "But did he?" The vision fades returning to the shadows. “Perhaps you are not ready to see yet…” He murmurs stepping closer towards you, his figure is obscured. “But you will be.” A gentle touch brushes against your shoulder weightless as a breathe, it lingers. “When the light refuses to see, what will you do?” Your breath hitches. The figure begins to dissipate. “Wait, don’t go…I don't want to be alone,” This caused shadow milk to pause. Not in victory, or smugness. Something more quiet and subtle. Something waiting. The vast darkness stills, holding it’s breath. The shadows stop their slow retreat, choosing to curl around your words like a tide that refuses to recede. Your ears are greeted with a quiet chuckle. Not mockingly, not cruel. Just…understanding.

“Ah…” Shadow milk’s voice hums, like an old melody drifting through your heart. “At last you speak from the heart.” Footsteps approach soft and deliberate against the echo of the endless void. He doesn’t appear before you quite yet. But his presence wraps around your being, neither cold nor warm, neither comforting or threatening. Just there.

“Do you think he understands, little one?” His voice is gentle but ever so knowing. It could all be a trick. But your heart is foolishly pure. Too naive to see anything past your nose. “The way you feel? The way you fear?” You gripped onto your soul jam tightly. It doesn’t burn against the darkness. It only flickers. “I…I don’t know” You said in a hushed whisper afraid he could turn on you at any second. Maybe he’s the one who pities you rather than the other way around. “Perhaps then you are not the only one who is alone” The words settle in the air, sinking deeper than they should. Truth wrapped in something else. Something that asks you to answer. Silence follows before he says in a voice softer than before. “Would you like me to stay?” The warmth of the fire of Pure Vanilla’s presence still waits for you. But right now, in this dream, in the quiet. The darkness is listening. And for the first time you’re not sure you want to leave. “Stay” you whisper afraid of what this means. Are you betraying Pure Vanilla? “Good” Shadow milk whispers. His expression is unreadable. But his gaze is deep, endless, unreadable. Knowledgeable. “Do you feel it?" he asks. Your soul jam flickered faintly in your hands no longer pulsing in warning but in recognition. It does not glow brightly, nor does it fight. It simply rests caught between light and shadow. You swallow slowly you don’t know what you feel. Only that for the first time the darkness doesn't feel so cold. “You…don’t feel so scary anymore.” your voice feels different. It’s yours but something isn’t right. Shadow milk tilts his head, a soft chuckle like a distant echo through the empty halls shakes your ground. “That’s because you’re beginning to understand” He doesn’t explain further. “…Am I betraying my friends? Is this what purity means?” your voice is a whisper barely a question. The darkness doesn’t answer. You were beginning to wake. A voice softer than before, woven between thought and shadow. “What is betrayal…but a matter of perspective?” Your stand conflicted your heart aches at the thought of your friends GingerBrave, Strawberry, and Wizard cookie. Pure Vanilla’s kind words everything you were meant to stand for. “But…But purity is supposed to be good?” You say it loudly in the hopes it’ll come true if you speak it into reality. Shadow milk hums. “Then tell me little one, what is good?” His voice isn’t pressing. Leaving you with the question deep in your chest. Heavier than it should be, because for the first time you don’t know. You awoke beside Pure Vanilla in a sweat. Your thoughts were scrambled.

Everyone else seemed Well rested as we continued down the path towards the spire. “AAH! HELP! I DON'T WANT TO CRUMBLE” You stared in shock, fear pulsing through you. But you felt the comforting whispers of the shadows surrounding your soul jam. Dissipating when Pure Vanilla held onto your hand comfortingly. “Don’t worry my light, We’ll help and try our best” he said comfortingly even if he didn’t believe his own words. “That cookie needs our help!” said GingerBrave turning to Pure Vanilla. “We must Rescue him” Pure Vanilla rushed towards the crumbling cookie. “How horrible! There are crumbs everywhere…!” You turned to Apple Faerie cookie, “Pure Vanilla is the best healer we have to have faith he’ll be able to help” You said reassuringly to Apple Faerie cookie. As much as you didn’t trust her you felt it was best to comfort and extend your kindness as Pure Vanilla has. She looked at you perhaps with a glint in her eye. The crumbled cookie coughed “Eh…? A healer…? Please…Help…” You watched intently as Pure Vanilla attempted to help the cookie. Feeling a sense of dread. The crumbled cookie pleaded to be okay. Though it seemed futile as the crumbs were everywhere perhaps we shouldn’t help those who can't be helped. Pure Vanilla would most definitely frown at that. But we can’t help the cookie, they're on their last legs. “I…don’t want…I dont want to…crumble…” Pure Vanilla pleaded with the cookie to stay awake. You couldn't watch any longer. You turn away a small voice in the back of your head. “Little one..” It’s quiet, they don't feel like words, just a presence. Settling at the edge of your thoughts. Not pushing or pulling just there. You tremble at the sight, the cookie won’t make it. "It is a terrible thing, isn’t it?" The voice drifts through them like a sigh, like an old memory stirring just beneath the surface. You don’t flinch this time. You don’t recoil. You just listen. "To be powerless. To watch and know there is nothing you can do." you whispered to yourself “H-He tried” "I know." There is no mockery in Shadow Milk’s tone. No cruelty. Just… quiet acknowledgment. A truth spoken without weight, without judgment. “It is a terrible thing," Shadow Milk murmurs again, softer now, like the wind rustling through unseen branches. "But it is not yours to carry alone." Your hands slowly release themselves of stress. You breathe its quiet. The crumbled cookie becomes a monster shifting quickly attacking Pure Vanilla. Pure Vanilla raises his staff, his golden magic glowing but he hesitates. Unable to stand still in that moment of hesitation you make your move. Without thinking the winds stir, they’re not harsh but cleansing. Pushing back the illusion’s lingering magic. Setting reality into place. Chains of luminous energy form from the ground, weaving between your fingers like threads of fate. The chains latch onto the monsters limbs, slowing it and restraining it. The light of purity doesn’t destroy. But it doesn't allow corruption to roam freely. The monster lets our a guttural, twisting shriek. Writhing against the chains unable to move. Pure Vanilla stares in awe. “You…You can wield it” He says breathless. You have no time to answer the monster howls, shattering the chains. Pure Vanilla is no longer their target, its you, the monster lunges at you. In that moment you feel fear creep into your chest. Deep in your mind you hear a whisper."Steady yourself." It wasn't commanding or demanding. A reminder. Shadow Milk’s presence lingers, a quiet weight behind your strength. He doesnt take control nor does he interfere. You wonder if anyone else feels it too. The eyes that seem to follow you. You stand taller drawing the light into your hands, not as a weapon but something pure, something unshaken.

As the monster lunges, the light floods forward, and unyielding force of purity and…truth? The monster dissolves, unraveling fading to nothing. Pure Vanilla steps forward “You were incredible.” his voice is rich with awe. “You embraced purity without fear, and as much as it was grand, don't do that again, I’m supposed to protect you. Not the other way around.” He embraced you tightly. "I-I just reacted," you murmured "I didn’t even know if I could control it—" Pure Vanilla chuckles softly, shaking his head. "And yet, you did. I am so proud of you” Apple Faerie stood there quietly whispering “pheh. Weak..” but quickly allowed herself to ask “Pure Vanilla Cookie, are you unscathed?!” He looked over “I’m alright” He still felt uneasy though. Strawberry cookie spoke up. “What was that?...Who are they?” White lily cookie held the answers. “It wasn’t a cookie. This Place is riddled with phantoms. It was a trap” Apple Faerie Cookie attempted to comfort Pure Vanilla cooke “Don’t dwell on his words, Pure Vanilla Cookie. You only tried to help!” There were words exchanged? How come you didn’t hear them? The light of purity lit up faintly almost in reassurance. You followed quickly behind heading towards the spire this time, for real. Making it towards the Towerkeeper, a riddle is all he wanted to allow passage through. Riddles were never your strongest suite. You allowed Pure Vanilla and White lily to solve this riddle. And solve it they did. White Lily departed after all she had a new role given to her by the previous Guardian. She wished us nothing but luck. But I have a feeling we would need more than that. The spire was large, the books gleaming and confusing, you couldn’t even read properly. The air feels different. It hums with magic, filled with the quiet echoes of the past. Wisdom long forgotten, voices long silenced. You stood near and close to Pure Vanilla, your fingers against your soul jam. Feeling it’s warmth, but something was off. The deeper into the spire the more the light flickers. The walls seem to shift when you aren’t looking. And then there it is the whisper. At first it’s gentle. Familiar. Like something they’ve already welcomed before.

"Little one…" You freeze. Nobody else reacts you look towards GingerBrave although they’re too busy looking through the books trying to find…? What were they trying to find again. Maybe you should have been paying more attention. You look back up their voices fading, and then before you can run towards them. "I know you can hear me."

You shiver your hands curling, you don’t want to hear. But the whisper isn’t commanding, it’s inviting, patient, and most of all you can’t keep it waiting. In the silence where uncertainty rushes in, you look at the spires twisting halls. The clock chiming at it’s own will. You are alone. You turn slowly, your heart is pounding. The path looks different. The spire isn’t supposed to shift is it? The walls seem to climb higher, corridors elongate. You spot the faint light of Pure Vanilla’s staff; it's a mere speck. Why aren’t they looking for you? You should call out, you should run, instead your feet move in the opposite direction. "Come." The voice is so close now. So near. Like a hand reaching for theirs, waiting to be held. "See what they would never show you." You don’t know how long it’s been or where you are, but before you stands Shadow Milk Cookie, Unbound. But was he ever bound in the first place? You step forward breath shallow, fingers trembling against your soul jam. He smiles, it isn’t sharp nor cruel. His eyes can practically see through you.

His voice is now clear no longer in the back of your mind. “You’ve come so far, haven’t you?" His voice is low, quiet. Not a demand—just an observation. You swallow, your chest tight. You should deny it. You should fight. You’ve been deceived. "I… I don’t know why I’m here." (A lie) Shadow Milk’s expression doesn’t waver “Don't you?” his words sink in. They sting with truth. Because some part of you knew you’d end up here. Shadow Milk doesn’t push, He doesn't use force. He extends his hand. “You already understand, don’t you?” His voice is gentle, coaxing, almost kind. But you know better he manipulated you, suppressed your light. No wonder you haven’t heard your light speak to you. He continues. “What purity truly means?” Your breath wavers. You remember the warmth of Pure Vanilla’s pride, the golden glow of his magic—but also the hesitation. The way his light flickered in the face of uncertainty. The way even he had doubts. You regret that night coming up to the tree. You were warned and you kept quiet. It was all your fault. Shadow Milk never forced you to keep quiet. Did he? Shadow Milk’s voice lowers, smooth as silk. "They would have you believe purity is the absence of darkness." A pause. A whisper. A truth. "But you know better." Your Soul Jam pulses. You don’t pull away. Shadow Milk tilts his head, watching you. Overwhelming your senses.

"Isn’t it exhausting? Carrying the weight of light, knowing it will always ask more of you? Knowing it will always demand you to shine, even when you are tired?" Your chest tightens. Because… yes. It is. It always has been. His hand remains outstretched. Not grabbing. Not forcing. Just waiting. "You don’t have to choose one or the other." His voice is almost a lullaby now, weaving into their very thoughts. "You can have both. You already do." Your breath is shallow. Your thoughts spin. You shouldn’t. You should run. You should— Your fingers brush his. Your Soul Jam pulses— Not in rejection. But in acceptance. And for the first time, the light does not push away the shadow.

Time feels different in the spire. Mindlessly like a puppet you’re set back with your friends. Locked within yourself. You shouldn’t have trusted Shadow Milk he was never your friend to begin with. You step back into the light with Pure Vanilla unaware of how you got there. Your hands tremble, cracking from the weight of what you’ve accepted. Your soul jam no longer flickers. Pure Vanilla was frantically looking for you. His eyes softened when he spotted you. “You’re safe” He exhales, his hands are careful, searching for something unseen. “You had me worried, my light” He embraces you. “Please don’t stray far. There’s danger lurking.” You swallow but not with regret. No refret is no more. Only the quiet knowledge Pure Vanilla doesn’t understand. Not yet. But he will. At first you’re as quiet as ever nothing seems off. Until your soul jam doesn’t shine the same way. The ivory warmth seems to be hiding something. A darker glow. Faint but present. You no longer flinched at the shadows. Pure Vanilla seems concerned. The spire of Knowledge is ancient, alive with stories of the past. Halls twisting with light and shadow. The deeper they go the more the air feels heavy charged with magic older than him. And the shadows they move. The monsters don’t lunge. Pure Vanilla raised his staff ready to strike, but you step forward. And the monsters move. Not away in fear, not curling from the light you still hold. They part. Welcoming, in recognition. He thinks to himself something is wrong. There is a darkness corrupting you, like an infection spreading. The monsters cling to you in familiarity, not because they’re lost. But because your soul jam has changed.

Your sole purpose of being was to lure Pure Vanilla away. And of course you were successful after all you were just a pawn, something between Shadow Milk and the one he truly wanted. The torches lining the hall in the spire flicker. One by one they dim. Something is in the air. And then a maniacal laugh different then what you were offered. The laughter is Light. Mocking. Full of Delight."Oh, Pure Vanilla, Pure Vanilla, Pure Vanilla…" He sings the name. Drawls it. Lets it roll off his tongue like an old joke he never quite got tired of. A shadow twists at the edges of the hall, spilling forward like ink until it peels itself from the darkness—a shape, a form— And then, a bow. A flourish of one hand. A smirk, toothy and knowing. Shadow Milk Cookie. The jester of something old. Something forgotten. Something waiting to be remembered. His bells do not chime, but they should. His smile is too wide, his eyes gleaming with secrets and amusement and something darker, curling like a cat in the sun. He tilts his head, grin never wavering. “Such a look on your face! Tsk, tsk, such serious eyes. What’s the matter, old friend?” Pure Vanilla is unwavering, no smile, no frown, he watches. Unshaken. He doesn’t use his magic. This isn't a battle of magic. It’s a game. A game Pure Vanilla refuses to play. But Shadow Milk, the master of deceit, loves games. You stand there unable to move unable to say anything stoic watching.

“Oh, come now.” Shadow Milk sighs, tilting his head, watching him as a cat watches a bird—idly, playfully, but not without hunger. “You look like I just tore a page from your precious books.” He sways on his feet, hands spread wide, inviting, like a magician about to reveal the grand trick. “You should be proud, really. You raised them well. So thoughtful, so brave, so…” He pauses, eyes glinting. “So much their own person.” His smirk sharpens. “Tell me, Pure Vanilla… is that not what you wanted?” Pure Vanilla’s grip tightens. Not on his staff. On himself. Shadow Milk sees it. Oh, he sees it, and he laughs—soft, sweet, victorious. The game is already won. The puppeteer is a master and you’ve bent to his will unknowingly. The darkness isn’t devouring, or consuming. Rather it’s holding you. Like an embrace, something familiar. Something you chose. Pure Vanilla can’t accept that reality. Not when he spent so much time trying to protect you. His heart is steady but his hands shake. Afraid…this isn't how it was supposed to turn out. And it can’t be how it ends. He reached out like he always has done, prying his magic glows, it’s strong, warm like the first touch of sunlight after a cold night. It’s healing. It’s kindness. It’s every moment he spent guiding you, protecting you, believing in you. And he calls out to you “My light I know you’re there come with me” he pleads his heart aching.

You hesitate still under the control of Shadow Milk who infested your heart. But for a moment your heart flickers something inside you stirs. The memory of safety, of warmth. Of the way his magic always felt gentle and good. Shadow Milk sees it. His Grin is wide, lazy and amused. Yet it’s sharp as a knife. He isn’t pleased. He leans in close to you. His voice is silken, sweet, a whisper curled around the edges of your doubt. “Oh, little light…he’s doing it again, isn't he?” Shadow Milk is using that loving nickname making a fool out of what it means to be Pure Vanilla’s light. You blink and he tilts his head in a way that shouldn’t be possible. He watches you with a knowing smile. “He says he wants to save you.” His voice is soft, playful, poison drizzled with honey. He raises his hand allowing you to move and think and be your person. But places a hand on your shoulder as a reminder that you let him in. You let him take over. “But tell me..did he ever listen to you before?

Pure Vanilla’s eyes widened. He flinches inwardly. Your eyes are different. Not blank not lost searching. Doubt wavers in your chest not because you don’t trust Pure Vanilla but because you’re starting to believe Shadow Milk might be right. Because how many times were you brushed off. How many times were you told what was right? How many times did he assume you wanted to be saved? Those aren’t your thoughts are they? Your head starts to reel. You attempt to hold your head trying to comfort the pain, but a force outside of you stops you. “Answer me.” Shadow Milk presses. “I-...” Shadow Milk giggles, spinning on his heel like a performer before an audience, who should know the ending. “You see, Pure Vanilla…” he hums, tone lilting, playful, teasing, cruel. “You’ve already lost.” And then, in a single motion, he pulls the child closer. Not forcefully. Not violently. Just enough. Just enough to make the message clear— "If you take them, you take all of me with them." He says in a hushed tone. Because this is no longer just about corruption. This is about choice. If Pure Vanilla tries to tear them away—he becomes the villain in their eyes. If he fights Shadow Milk too harshly, too desperately— You will not see it as protection. They will see it as fear. And fear… is not what brings someone back. Love does. But is it enough? Shadow Milk’s grin sharpens, eyes flashing with wicked delight as he leans in— And whispers, so only Pure Vanilla can hear :“Go on, then. Save them. let’s see if they want to be saved.”

#cr kingdom #pure vanilla cookie #crk #pure vanilla x reader #pure vanilla crk #cookie run kingdom #cookie run #cookierun kingdom #shadow milk cookie #shadow milk crk #shadow milk x reader #crk shadow milk cookie #smilk cookie #shadow milk #smilk #cookie run shadow milk

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letmeoutofthebasementt · 7 months ago

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Are SKZ genuinely good people?

I’m gonna preface this by saying I do not know them and am not affiliated with them. This isn’t fact, take this as speculation. This is just a tarot reading for fun. Dont @ me if they have some crazy insane scandal.

ALSO, why did this end up as a psych evaluation? 😭

Probably my most draining reading to date. Like by the end I could barely type.

Overall

They’re all generally and objectively at least decent people. Albeit, it depends on what lense they’re viewed through and what you find acceptable and what you don’t. They act like you’d expect from Koreans culturally except the things like…Thatre genuinely insane and go against human rights, obviously. But some of those things may make them seem like bad people. Some of them also may be morally ambiguous, and easily swayed by their friends this way or that.

Chan

Generally yes, despite his issues, he’s an objectively good person. But he can be very harsh and aggressive, and so blunt that he hurts people and doesn’t necessarily care? Because he’s developed to a point where he’s starting to realize he can’t fault himself when other people complain about things that just aren’t true but it’s also blinded him from the fact that sometimes he has to look at their perspective and explain his reasonings and actions, which can make him seem like a bad person to others. He also overthinks things and forms opinions based on those things. Meaning he can glance at one person and judge/stereotype them very very heavily, and run with that completely. He can also criticize people to the point it’s flat out cruel without realizing it. He’s also very sensitive and emotionally immature. So generally he’s a good person objectively, but subjectively others may beg to differ.

Minho

He’s objectively a good person. He’s solved a lot of his character issues by a lot of inner exploration and thinking deeply about his failed relationships and the reasons for their failure. He’s tried and failed things and he’s learned from what he’s failed. He can be a little vain and moody but he’s compassionate and graceful in the face of those he loves, which is honestly a good thing. He has a strong will and a strong mind, and is constantly growing and probably has someone in his life inspiring this growth. His spirit is very tied to his finances. He likes to be financially stable and independent. Probably the type who wants to be on the level where his family is set for generations. He’s very lucky in that aspect. He also does a lot of charity. But he’s also an overthinker who scrutinizes and judges people a lot. His mind is restless and honestly is probably the type who cannot sleep because his mind is constantly working and working and he’s always thinking. (I can honestly relate. My parents used to get mad at me for it because I’d be trying to sleep then next thing they knew I was in their doorway asking them a random question that came to me. He was probably the same growing up.) he’s never satisfied though. He doesn’t particularly like or find joy in much of anything. (Can relate) and nothing can hold his interest for too long an/or satisfy him. He’s very lucky and probably trusts in the universe a lot. Also I randomly started crying reading this and I was wondering why he’s so uncharacteristically chatty and his energy isn’t as stable as usual so like…Do with that information what you will. He’s, despite what most may think, mildly optimistic. Or at least by nature he is. But that has probably been hammered down into the ground. He’s also very lucky did I mention that? He loves those around him very fiercely and unconditionally. It’s hard for him to even like let alone love someone or something. But once he does there’s no letting go. His love is deep and it’s strong. And he’s always there for others.

Okay I’m getting sidetracked but like some of these cards I don’t think are even on the subject this man is like going through it emotionally. Like he’s DEPRESSED DEPRESSED. I’m talking sobbing, unable to even move or think having a mental breakdown heart racing blood pressure rising whole body trembling thinking he’s dying panic attack. So.

I feel bad.

Despite how volatile and turbulent he is inside, outside he’s serene and is extremely good at keeping secrets. This is the Scorpio coming through. People, even family and friends, only know things about him he wants them to know. Nothing more.

He’s happy with friends and loved ones though. And…Pleasure.

This man can’t go from having mouth diarrhea to having a panic attack to being horny that’s not how that works. Between him and Hyunjin I’m pretty sure I’ll be a leaky faucets the entire reading because WHY AM I CRYING AGAIN? I’m not even sad.

Also Laffy Taffy by D4L randomly came to mind. Dunno if that’s me or him.

Either way we’re done here before III end up with an existential crisis.

What’s also interesting is I started with him not because I necessarily wanted to but I was physically incapable of reading for any of the others first and reading for him kept calling to me.

Do with that what you will.

Changbin

He kind of is. This is another thing where he’s more morally gray because of cultural things. He’s optimistic and compassionate with a lot of trust in the things around him, and the Korean…Bubble in general. He’s also very very lucky. Another whose spirit is…Connected to more material things. But here I think it means worldly attachments, desires, etc. like money and relying on the people around him to feel good. He’s very destructive. Things he does, has done, will continue to do, and will do have, will, and are ruining things for a lot of people. He destroys. I’m getting here he might’ve done something in the past or will do something in the future that may put the entire group at risk. But I’m not about to go into detail about that because I don’t wanna know.

Randomly thought of Beomhan. Which…Coincidentally he had an incident.

He’s a courageous free spirit with a love or life. He’s easily excitable and very very easy to please and make happy. He has a lot of secrets, though, even if he doesn’t outwardly seem like the type who does. He’s very volatile and secretive.

I’ve also been getting some odd hyper fixation with Hyunjin vibes this entire time. Like some parts had that underlying ‘Hyunjin, Hyunjin’. This isnt even the Hyunjin stan in me speaking because I’m never like that and it’s more…Detached. This is coming from Changbin. Either he’s currently obsessed, has done or will do something to him, or has done or will do something with him; either one.

He’s another that’s not easily satisfied. He constantly wants more and more and more and more. He craves it. Specifically affection and attention. I’m getting he may be insecure and craving validation.

He’s very very intelligent and theoretical.

He takes a lot of things for granted and is quick to throw them away for the thrill. People, things, anything. He gets bored when things are too familiar. He loses motivation when things are too easy.

He’s working through some of these issues though. Probably in therapy. (Unwillingly.)

This card popped out with another Hyunjin like underlying energy. Specifically two of chalices. And I’m getting a strong love indicator.

Man why are we hyperfixating on Hyunjin today don’t come for me for this this isn’t even my doing 😭

Hyunjin

True neutral. The good and the bad balance out. I’m also getting compromise here. Like he would’ve been entirely one way or entirely another if he didn’t have one particular person to tell him not to engage in certain behaviors.

So.

Getting this person may have had a Libra moon but that’s not important.

(Got a specific thing here but I’m not about to start shit so imma mind my business 💆🏾‍♀️)

He sees himself as an absolute failure and I’m going to pretend I didn’t get the vibes I got but like…Can someone get this man therapy before he goes off the deep end?

LITERALLY?

Imma shut up now

Anyways, he’s so loving and naive and impulsive. TOO loving and naive and impulsive. To the point where his morals are so easily swayed by those around him. The company you keep is a reflection of you is strong in this one.

He can be more on the conservative side.

He had solid foundations in life and is very very materially secure and values that. He spends money Willy nilly and throws it everywhere not because he’s not good with it but because he simply has the means to. I get the vibes he probably has some very good investments going.

He moves from one thing to the next quickly. He can never stick around. He likes challenges but if he doesn’t perfect it quick enough he throws it away. He doesn’t like things to be easy but he hates when things are hard. It’s like there’s a constant push and pull nothing can ever quite meet.

He’s wise, fair, and open-minded. He cares about how he’s perceived, and is very shockingly very perceptive. He’s also manipulative because he cares so much about how he’s perceived.

He values equality and unity. He also values balance and his close bonds, specifically with his friends.

It reminds me of that lyric that’s like “Cause you only listen to your fucking friends.”

And it’s not a Hyunjin reading if he isn’t oddly horny.

He has a lot of fantasies and delusions. He will make up an elaborate scenario of his partner cheating on him and will become so convinced its intuition he’ll quite literally gaslight himself into thinking he’s right and any and everything the s/o does or says from that point will be twisted into confirmation. This goes for every relationship he has though.

He’s very kind.

He’s healing a lot from old wounds and trauma right now. But healing is also making it all surface and suffocate him. Probably restoring old bonds he probably shouldn’t have

Very impulsive and generous.

He’s been happier because of his group.

And sex. Because of fucking course.

Can you tell I’m already fed up with this reading? 😭

Han

He is. A very generous one at that. Just a very insecure one with 0 self esteem who needs the validation of others to keep himself from being severely and debilitatingly depressed.

He’s helpless and exhausted and can’t focus on anything anymore. His self esteem is probably getting worse and worse. Reminded me of when he had to stop and lay down on stage from what I assume is exhaustion just based on the vibes and body language.

He’s in pain and he’s suffering and there’s a lot of bitter truths here. He also probably wants people to break free of their delusions about him to relieve that pressure. May possibly do something stupid to do that.

But he’s lucky and convinced whatever the hell he believes in will deliver and everything will turn out for the best.

He’s patient, being careful, and working hard in the meantime. Just barely keeping himself afloat. He’s waiting for his chance to be happy.

He has no motivation. He’s burnt out, and taking things for granted and taking unnecessary risks. Which is directly contradicting the earlier statement. I think before is what he thinks he’s doing and this is what’s actually happening.

There’s such heavy emphasis on the sorrow and the pain and the suffering. He’s probably really really depressed right now.

Getting he’s on his knees crying and sobbing and begging for something.

Now I’m crying. I didn’t think he’d be another one to make me cry but I’m crying now and it’s most definitely just from this.

His hope is gone, he’s losing money for some reason, he invested so much into something and it failed, and nothing seems to be going right for him.

He’s impulsive and generous and life is going way too fast for him.

He’s very open and honest and knows how to channel his energy into things.

He’s finding happiness in the group, again. I feel like I’ve gotten this for all of them so far.

Felix

He is, and he hopes he is. Even if his energy is very scattered.

He’s going through a lot of difficulties right now, mentally and physically. There’s a threat to his security in some form.

Someone’s being extremely cruel and aggressive towards him and he’s feeling a lot of shame and guilt because of it, or maybe even doing so to someone he cares for and loves.

He’s trying to heal and lick his wounds but it’s so hard.

Getting heavy Bible and religious imagery here. He strives to apply that to his life because he believes it’ll help him be a better person. Probably praying a lot for the situation to get better.

He’s trying to solve all his issues as well as everyone else’s.

Definitely hiding something though.

Someone’s been indulging in more and more debauchery and it’s scaring him. Overindulging, always drunk and intoxicated. As a form of escapism. And he’s tried to help but he feels so out of control. And the person is probably addicted by now.

He’s restless and anxious. His mind is hyperactive.

He’s feeling more creative though. His will is stronger. So is his enthusiasm for his work.

Again, finding joy in his group.

Seungmin

He is. He’s healing and he has a renewed enthusiasm for life. He’s also reaching more of his potential. But he’s afraid. He’s sabotaging himself and he’s so acutely aware of his limitations:

He’s another whose heart and soul is connected to more worldly things. He’s also very opportunistic and money smart.

He’s lucky and all his wishes usually end up fulfilled, so he’s trusting in the universe at the moment that it’ll deliver for him.

He’s also very compassionate.

He’s content and satisfied with where he is, and I’m getting specifically that he feels very blessed at the moment. And even more generous than normal.

But he’s restless and his mind is running rampant.

He’s also being impulsive.

And I’m getting more of that debauchery and escapism influence here, but more vague because it’s Seungmin.

Jeongin

And finally, Jeongin. He’s a good person.

He knows you always need a balance and compromise in life. He’s balanced with a stable head on his shoulders. But he also stalls things and can be overly passive.

He’s feeling lost. There’s secrets and hidden truths and he’s being forced to hide things he’d rather not be involved with let alone be part of keeping under wraps.

Another who’s probably turning back to religion but not as much as Felix is.

He feels more liberated and rejuvenated now, though. More revitalized.

He’s ambitious and achieving a lot in his work due to his efforts. It he’s also struggling with balancing work and his personal life.

He’s in a lot of pain and suffering right now and there’s a lot around him.

Another who’s very money oriented but good with it.

He’s bored and taking life for granted because it no longer has the same risks.

He’s also being oddly vague which he usually isn’t.

There’s a lot of new things in his life. New feelings and maybe a new s/o. A lot of cameaderie and happiness with his group.

He’s trusting himself more and knows he’s going to overcome. Very disciplined and enduring. Determined he’ll get far.

#kpop tarot #stray kids tarot #skz channie #skz bang chan #stray kids channie #stray kids bang chan #skz minho #stray kids minho #lee know #changbin #stray kids hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #stray kids felix #lee felix #skz felix #han jisung #seungmin #jeongin #i.n stray kids

154 notes · View notes

tttt06 · 17 days ago

Text

Drive-Through

IdolHongjoong x Blackreader

Request are open! I reply quickly. Masterlist here

Synopsis~ You were working under KQ entertainment as a trainee. You would come home from college and go straight into practice. It was stressful, and the walk home was dangerous, but you had it down. That was until Hongjoong, the man who was funding the entire company would catch you leaving at the same time, and offered to drive you.

Warnings~ Y/N says nigga, because she's BLACK. Her group performs at Mnet, don't take the lyrics serious 😭😭 I was kidding. Use of Korean honorifics. Mentions of drinking before driving. Y/N is friends with other K-pop idols. Squirting, soft dom Joong. No protection, he talks you through it, size kink, size training, oral (receiving)

Guys, I edited this entire thing in one day, and Tumblr reloaded and all the editing was gone. If you spot mistakes... no you didn't I'll fix it eventually.

Word Count~ 11.4k

Your girls practiced in the dance studio for your debut. It was exciting because you were the first girl group under KQ.

Not only that, but they were allowing you, a black girl, to debut.

You'd be one of the few black K-pop idols.

As you excitedly shook ass to the song, the girls filed out. They were all leaving for various reasons. As the dance leader of the group, you had to stay behind.

You were careful with the way you moved your body. You wanted everything perfect. You stayed behind for an extra three hours. It was 3 AM, and classes started at 8 tomorrow.

You packed up your belongings and walked toward the practice room. You shut the lights off and went to the lobby area. Before you left, you checked for your items.

The elevator dinged and out walked Hongjoong. He was always here. If he wasn't on tour with the boys, he was here. You haven't spoken to each other, just simple bows.

Hongjoong always looked exhausted, and you didn't want to bother him with the excitement.

I'm sure he knew who you were to some capacity, but you didn't want to bother him. You had a plan of bringing gifts when you officially debuted. The girls were on a mission to find what to give everyone.

Hongjoong's tired eyes looked at you, and he bowed. "Hello."

Hongjoong only spoke English with you. Korean was still a language you were learning.

You said it back, "Hello."

Hongjoong walked out of the building, and you followed suit. You two went in the opposite direction. You were walking home, so you were crossing the street. Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows, "Why don't you park your car in the garage? It's too dark to cross the street like this."

You turned to him, shocked he was saying more than a nice hello. "Eh, I don't have a car."

He quirked an eyebrow, "You need a ride?"

You were yelling from where you two were at this point. You said, "Ever heard of the term stranger danger?" He rolled his eyes, "I'm your sunbae. It's okay."

You shook your head, "It's okay. Really."

Hongjoong was walking over now, "I insist."

He grabbed your hand and walked you to his car. It was a sleek black SUV. It fit his aesthetic.

You didn't expect Hongjoong to be so stubborn, but you guessed he really likes to help people.

Hongjoong sat in the car and put his seatbelt on. "Seatbelt?"

You looked at him. The air felt awkward, but only for you. You're sure Hongjoong felt fine. "Y-yeah, my seatbelt is on."

He smiled and turned on the engine. He started to drive. There was silence for a moment. Hongjoong was contemplating what he should say, and you were feeling awkward.

Hongjoong asked, "How old are you?" You said, "Twenty-three." He smiled, "We're three years apart then."

He asked, "You gonna tell me where you live, though? I have no clue where I'm going." You laughed and told him where to go.

The silence hit again. This time, it was awkward between you both. Hongjoong's tattoo was visible. You read it carefully over and over.

No one like me.

You looked out the window, and Hongjoong asked, "What do you do?"

You said, "I'm just a trainee and college student."

Hongjoong nodded, "Really? That's amazing. What's your major?"

You laughed. You felt antagonized a little, "I'm just studying dance."

Hongjoong smiled as he turned into your highway. Ten minutes closer to your house. Hongjoong said, "You live pretty far. How long is the walk?"

You said, "About forty-forty-five minutes."

Hongjoong didn't like that answer. "In the freezing cold dark? Are you crazy?"

You laughed, "I know how to defend myself."

Hongjoong smiled, "I believe you. Next time, could you leave when there's daylight or come to the studio and ask for a ride."

You smiled, "I'd feel like a bother."

Hongjoong said in Korean, "It's okay." His voice came out soft as he pulled into the dorm rooms. "You live in our old dorms?"

You smiled, "I guess. I don't know." Hongjoong said, "Well, you have a good night. Will you be at KQ tomorrow?"

You nodded, "Yeah."

The next day, you were in the practice room. You were a group of five. Layla, You, Dae, Kimmy, and Lenny. You were the dance leader, Lenny was the vocal leader, Kimmy was the producer, and Layla was the leader.

Your group was well established. All the girls knew their craft best. Layla was confident in her ability to lead. Kimmy asks you (The rapper) and Lenny to record demos.

It felt like a group of friends having fun more than anything else. Now that you were gonna debut, it felt more like a job.

Everyone was working tirelessly to make the dream work.

As you taught the 8 counts, Kimmy was on her computer on the couch, adjusting the final song. You usually worked like that. Kimmy would be the last to learn the dances because of working tirelessly.

Dae was the visual. She was scouted on the street of Daegu, and KQ asked to take her in. She said yes and was added to our group soon after.

She's insecure about being visual. She feels like she's not good at anything, but she's the entertainer of the group.

She's the reason we gained support even though we haven't debuted. She's also the one teaching me Korean.

Dae was an influencer famous for her relatability. She stopped posting, and people found out she became a trainee and have been posting sightings of her.

We've been attentive to Dae's skills because we didn't want her fans disappointed.

Besides, we wanted Dae in our group. She was so funny and kind.

You turned the music down and said, "Dae, you move too slow on this part. Put your foot like this," You showed her the foot movement, and she copied it.

She did it correctly, "Oh! I did it!"

You cheered, giving her a supportive hug. "This is going to be so great!"

The girls were getting ready to go again until there was a knock on the door.

Kimmy half-heartedly opened the door. Minjae walked in and looked at Kimmy.

Kimmy befriended Minjae from Xikers. She also regularly hangs out with Jungwon from Enhypen. She was our tomboy.

The girls and I joke that she's gonna be the reason we get gay allegations.

Minjae said. "Hey, I got back from the store. I got food."

You turned around and grabbed at the bag, "Oh em gee! Thank you!"

You jokingly kissed his face. Minjae's eyes widened as you took the food from him. Minjae said, "Noona!"

You laughed excitedly. Kimmy laughed as she watched all the girls run for the food. Minjae said, "Calm down! I wanted some, too."

Dae pulled out some ice cream and started eating it. "I wanted chocolate."

Minjae rolled his eyes, "It was for me!"

Dae said, "Oh!" She tossed him the ice cream as I popped open the sandwich. Kimmy said, "Unnie? Is it okay if Minjae and I hang out?" You nodded and swallowed, "Be back at the dorms by 9 PM."

She smiled and hugged me, "You're the best!"

Layla said, "Aye! Don't go out drinking! You just turned 20."

Kimmy said, "Puh-lease! I don't do those kinds of things."

Dae rolled her eyes, "Yeah-right. My bottle of henny went down by three-quarters."

You said, "That was me. I couldn't sleep."

Dae looked at you like you were crazy. "How could you."

You shrugged innocently, "I have a drinking problem." You lied. You definitely did not have a drinking problem.

After another hour of practice, the girls left. You went to the employee cafe to get something to drink and study. You paid for the drink and got out your laptop.

You were two pages into your physics before you were rubbing your face in agony. Not only was all the work in Korean, you hated science.

You were good at art and language arts, not SCIENCE.

You let your forehead bang against the table as you contemplated if the schooling was worth it.

You heard the chair across from you move, and you looked up. "Hongjoong. Not now."

You said it without thinking. You cleared your throat, "I mean, hello!"

Hongjoong laughed, "It's okay. You're from the States, so you can speak casually."

Hongjoong was looking you over. "What you got there?"

You moved your laptop to face him, and he nervously laughed, "Hahah.... you're on your own with that."

You rubbed your temples in agony. Hongjoong traced the boho braids running down your shoulders with his eyes. "Your hair... it's pretty."

You blinked. You don't get a lot of compliments on your hair, just questions.

You said, "Thank you."

Hongjoong moved on, "Have you eaten?"

"Yeah, Minjae got the girls some snacks from the convince store." Hongjoong smiled, "Minjae huh? What about real food?"

You shook your head, "I have to study for this physics quiz." Hongjoong asked, "Yeah? And then, how are you getting home?"

You froze. You felt like you were in trouble. "Eh, I'm gonna walk."

You looked at him. His eyes were filled with displeasure, while yours were filled with aloofness. "Really? Why don't you study and eat at my studio? Then, when we're both done, I can drive you home?"

You had a feeling those weren't questions. Hongjoong was telling you what to do.

So, now you were in his studio studying physics as Hongjoong was producing.

You were quiet, only huffing when you got confused. You wrote down notes, and Hongjoong stepped out of the room. He peeked back into the studio and asked, "Do you have any allergies?"

You shook your head, "No?"

Hongjoong nodded and went back to the hallway. You were too focused on what you were doing to notice.

As time went on, you started to understand the physics work. Even though you were reading it in your second language, and there were words in there you'd never heard before, it was starting to make a little sense.

You watched Hongjoong get a message, and he was walking out again. You shrugged it off. He probably needed to answer an important call or something.

He came back with a bag of food. Your mouth watered as the hunger started to take over. You asked, "That for you?"

Hongjoong smiled, "For us."

You got tense, "Okay, I'll pay you back. How much was it?"

Hongjoong just laughed. He opened your portion of food and handed you the chopsticks. You looked at the chicken and discarded the chopsticks.

You grabbed it with two fingers and took a bite. Hongjoong looked at you with confusion. "Ah, you eat chicken with your hands in America."

You nodded. Hongjoong disregarded his chopsticks and copied you. You laughed as you both ate.

Hongjoong said, "I'm done with work. What time do you wanna go home?" You checked the time. 3:24 AM. "I think now. I have classes at 8."

He frowned, "You're only operating from four and a half hours of sleep regularly?" You shook your head, "No, I just don't sleep. I take naps throughout the day."

Hongjoong said, "That can't be healthy." You said, "It's not. My manager told me I should stop staying late for practice. I can't let the girls down."

Hongjoong said, "Some advice. Let your team help you."

You frowned, "That's not the kind of person I am." Hongjoong asked, "What kind of person are you then?"

You nervously laughed. Your head hung back to the chicken as you ate quietly. Hongjoong was a nice guy. He bought you food, offered you a consistent ride, and advised you when you needed it.

He was starting to feel like a friend. Someone to rely on.

You looked back up at him, and his eyes were still on you, "You don't like to talk about yourself?"

You laughed, "It's not that. It's more of, I don't know what kind of person I am."

You finished your last piece of chicken and threw it in your box. Hongjoong said, "You ate first."

You looked up. Hongjoong spoke English to you so often that you'd forgotten. You didn't realize how disrespectful that was. You spoke casually and ate first.

With your eyes wide, you said, "I'm so sorry, sunbaenim!"

Hongjoong laughed from his nose, "I didn't mean it like that. That doesn't matter to me. I meant you're the kind of person to do your own thing. You don't wait on others."

You looked at him as he read you like an open book. "Yeah, I am kind of like that."

Hongjoong smiled, "Yay!" He clapped his hands like he accomplished something.

Hongjoong started grabbing the trash. You helped clean as Hongjoong said, "Alright, let's get you home."

You kicked off your shoes and walked to your shared room with Layla.

She wasn't sleeping. She was up on her iPad doing god knows what.

"Who drove you home?"

You responded, "Hongjoong sunbaenim."

Layla nodded as she continued on her planner. I think she and the manager were working on something.

You got in bed and said, "He's very nice. He got me food, let me study in his studio, and offered to drive me home every night."

Layla turned her head dramatically slow. "Oh yeah? This Hongjoong sunbaenim sounds verrrryyy nice." She dragged out the 'very'.

"He is."

Layla smiled, "Yeah? You're not seducing him, right? It's weird to date your sunbaenim. Don't do anything with him."

You scoffed, "I wasn't even planning on that. Sunbaenim seems like a good mentor."

Layla turned her iPad and lamp off, "Whatever. Just be careful. I love you, little sis."

You frowned, "I love you too."

You both closed your eyes only to hear a loud scream from Dae, Kimmy, and Lenny's room.

You both jumped up to see what was wrong. Dae looked like she was about to pass out. Everyone's hair was messy, but Lenny was the one crying.

"What's wrong?"

Layla's tired eyes inspected her for cuts or bruises. It was the way she looked. Layla can look scary when she's not smiling, so everyone was trying to make sure she wasn't pissed off.

Lenny said, "I had a night terror. Can I sleep with you?"

Layla sighed and grabbed Lenny's hand. Our maknae was in a different group before us. She managed to debut, but she would get abused by the members.

She left for her safety. She was going to go solo, but after we begged her, she joined the group. She was our maknae, and we took care of her.

Lenny slept with Layla that night, and you fell asleep on your bed.

Your alarm went off two hours later, and you were getting up for school.

Everyone is usually asleep at this hour because you all go to bed so late.

You yawned as you scrambled for your clothes. The girls wash your school uniform and pick out your outfits because of how little time you have.

You were racing out of the house at record speed as you started to run to class. You were trying your hardest to make it there in time. You were usually late because the train came five minutes after classes started.

You were in class, though. Dance was your focus, but you did have to pay attention to your English professor. Surprisingly, you sucked at English, even though you spoke it.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket. You were allowed to use your phone if you needed to translate. But in English class, you couldn't because the teacher spoke perfect English.

You peeked at your phone to see an unknown number.

Unknown

This is Hongjoong!

Unknown

Thought I should get your number

Unknown

I asked your unnie for it heh

Unknown

Enjoy class tho!

You were smiling to yourself as you thought of Hongjoong's little smile. But, you caught yourself. You shouldn't think of your sunbaenim like that.

When class ended, you were dismissed to lunch. College was an open campus. You left to pick up food from the convenience store.

Your school friend, Nabi, decided to follow you.

"Aye, who were you texting in English class?"

You looked at Nabi. She had purple highlights in her hair and two curly buns up. She was half Korean. Nabi's other half was black. You two got close quickly because of that.

"Oh my gosh! I have to tell you this!"

She sat at the small table next to the window as she waited for her ramen. "What?"

I said, "Ateez is like your Ult group, right?"

She nodded, "Oh my god! Did you meet San! UGH, I need him to put me in the craziest headlock and rail me."

You said, "No nigga! I met Hongjoong!" Nabi laughed, "That little Twink. Ah." You furrowed your brows, but your smile was still on your lips.

"Mmkay, well, he's the sweetest guy ever."

You rolled your eyes as Nabi groaned. "San... san... san."

She was going through psychosis. She was a little coo-coo for San. Meanwhile, you had an obsession with Stray Kids. You had to keep that under wraps because if you were to debut, you didn't want to look like an obsessed fan.

You ate your ramen with Nabi while waiting for class to start again. "We have two hours at dance class, and then what?"

You said, "I've got practice." Nabi groaned, "We never hang. Let me come to practice with you."

You laughed, "I legally can't do that. You can't hear the debut song."

Nabi got up with you as you walked back to campus.

You got to your dance class. We're learning a new ballet routine.

Nabi was joking around, dancing to LALALALA by Stray Kids. You almost got in trouble with your teacher. You had to stop kidding and get into the Nutcracker.

Jungwon was over your dorm with Minjae as the girls ate. Wonnie was ranting about something Heeseung did as Minjae listened. You were on your phone texting Nabi about physics.

You were still pissed about how you got a D on the test you tried so hard on.

Minjae said, "I say we jump him."

Kimmy hit Minjae, "You're so dumb."

You and Layla exchanged glances. As the parents, you were supposed to look out for the girls. You both suspected that Minjae and Kimmy had a crush on each other.

Jungwon thinks so, too. He third wheels. If not, he hangs with you or Dae.

You said, "I gotta go to KQ, anybody wanna come with?"

Dae nagged, "You're supposed to have a day off."

You smiled, "I did. Saturday, I had no school. It's great."

You got up, threw away your meal, and hugged your girls. "I love you and will see you later."

Lenny puckered her lips and kissed your cheek. You laughed and waved to the boys, "By Minjae and Wonnie."

They waved back, "Bye, Y/N."

You were leaving. Truthfully, you just wanted an excuse to see Hongjoong. You found yourself thinking about him more often in the day.

Hongjoong was always sweet, but you were hoping he didn't think about you as only a kid.

Hongjoong was older by three years, but his knowledge exceeded yours.

You had on your book bag, and you opened the door. You took a deep breath of happiness.

The dance floor was where you belonged. It's where you need to be.

You stretched as you turned on a song to dance to. Something sexy. Working with ballet was hard. You took Hip Hop your whole life. Now, you need to learn ballet to expand your experience.

You took a step as the snap came in. The baseline came through, and a voice that sounded like a sexy siren echoed throughout the room.

Your leg went up as you spun. You dropped to the floor and slid down. Your ass was in the air as you breathed out.

The song was making you feel sexy.

Your hands dragged across your body as you fucked yourself in the mirror. The song ended, and you let out a sound, "Hah!"

You were satisfied. When you turned around to turn off the ad, Hongjoong was there. Staring. His eyes were glued to your body.

You looked so good with the sweat and rolled-down sweatpants.

"Oh! Hey!" Hongjoong asked, "You dance like that often?"

You nodded, "It's kind of my thing."

Hongjoong walked over and spun you. You couldn't help but giggle. He pulled you in by your hip, and you swayed to the charismatic and sexy music.

"Yeah? How do you really like to dance?"

You leaped from his grasp and turned on old-school hip hop.

"Have you ever been taught how to do this?"

Your pin dropped. Hongjoong clapped, "Never! Wanna teach me?"

Now Hongjoong was learning an old choreo you still knew by heart. It was your favorite out of all the ones you learned.

Hongjoong couldn't keep up with your energy. You were still dancing and singing. Hongjoong said, "Wah, you were made for the stage."

You two stepped to the beat and started to footwork. Your arms flowed with the music as you waited for the song to end. "I know. My Mom tells me that all the time."

Hongjoong asked, "Does she live here?"

You shook your head as you paused the music. You got some water and said, "My Mom is still in the States with my Dad."

You smiled, "I ran away to be here."

Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows, "What?"

You waved it off, "That was six years ago."

Hongjoong said, "You were 17?" You nodded, "I felt like it wasn't in the cards for me."

Hongjoong sat next to you and gave you a nudge. "You run away from your problems often?"

You shook your head, "Only when it gets too much. That's why I'm not the leader of the group. I can't handle it."

Hongjoong laughed. His laugh was so sexy when it was next to your ear. "Yeah, the boys can be a trip. I have to scream at them to listen."

You quirked an eyebrow, "You yell at your members? Layla is just plain scary."

He laughed, "Yeah?" You nodded. "She's two years older than me, and our youngest is 19. It's a serious age gap in our group. Luckily, our maknae listens well."

Hongjoong smiled, "Lenny, right? I've run into her. She's very anxious." You said, "She's had a difficult past. We're really protective of the youngest."

Hongjoong asked, "You're the second oldest?" You nodded, and he said, "You would think you're the oldest the way you carry yourself."

You smiled, "I get that a lot. I'm actually a mess."

Hongjoong laughed, "I'd like to see that part of you someday." You looked at his face. His eyes were full of sincerity and serenity. You said, "Stick around."

Hongjoong stuck around. You and him actively talked once a day. He'd drive you home every day. But, now it was time for your debut.

The girls were excited, and so were you. Everyone worked hard to make it. Hongjoong and the entirety of Ateez were rooting for you.

Hongjoong told all the boys to post the debut. Your manager was surprised at how fond they were of you. It wasn't long before they had us doing our own variety show.

It was an early morning of hair and makeup. Leeny was popping on her lipgloss. You said, "You look so pretty."

She beamed at you as she looked back in the mirror. You texted Hongjoong.

Joongie

Don't laugh at me

Joongie

Should we tell the audience that we hang out?

You

Idk.... we might get dating rumors

Joongie

Hm... I mean i'm just your oppa how bad could it be????

You

trueeee but idk

Joongie

let's just do it

You

Okay but let's not mention how often we hang out.

The cameras were rolling as you filed into the white room. You all stood in the line as you did your sign.

"Surprise, we are Party." Everyone cheered as you applauded yourselves. Dae led the speech, "Today, we are launching the first episode of our variety show. Party Animal. We invite guests and do crazy things we've never done before."

Kimmy asked, "Whose gonna be our first guest?"

Lenny said, "Will it be someone we know?"

You went with the script, "I heard it was gonna be an oppa."

Layla read off the paper. "This person has notorious rap skills. He has a high fashion sense and is the captain of the ship."

You held in a laugh as they described your closest friend.

Dae said, "This person sounds familiar."

Hongjoong walked out, and you all pretended to be surprised. Hongjoong smiled and bowed. You all bowed to him as Lenny bit her lip anxiously. "Hongjoong sunbaenim!"

He bowed to the camera, "Yes, I am Hongjoong of Ateez."

He sat on the ground with you. You were the only one in a short skirt. The company wanted to push a sexy concept on you.

Hongjoong noticed and tossed you his jacket. Layla and Dae exchanged glances. Dae wiggled her eyebrows at you as Layla kept a stare going.

You clapped, "This is exciting!" Hongjoong said, "Y/N and I have actually hung out a couple of times. She's a good friend of mine."

You nodded, "Yeah, he's a good oppa."

Layla furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at Kimmy. Kimmy was shrugging.

Dae read the script, "I know Ateez is about to start a tour. Thank you for taking the time to be our first guest."

Hongjoong bowed shyly, "Of course!"

The director waved at Lenny to start reading the ques card. "So, I heard Hongjoong oppa has never gone to prom. Today, we set up a fake prom. When we complete the missions, we're crowned prom king or queen."

Hongjoong smiled, "That sounds fun."

You said, "Let's change and get to the venue."

The director cut. Everyone went their separate ways to change. Layla was two inches behind you, "Seriously?"

You rolled your eyes, "They can cut it out if they want."

Layla sighed and allowed you to your changing room. They put you in a plump green gown. You looked like Princess Tiana.

When you walked out, you did a fake jump cut. Lenny said, "Yes. Today, we're doing a competition. Who is the best all-rounder? Naturally, this person will be fit to be king or queen. Let's get to it."

You got into the car. Your dress takes up the seat next to you. The cameras were rolling as Layla said, "What do you think they're gonna make us do?"

Dae shrugged. Kimmy said, "You think they put Hongjoong sunbaenim in a dress?" Dae burst a lung. You found it just as funny as you made your way to the venue.

There were men everywhere dressed in black with heavy cameras. You pulled your dress up and ran into the venue. Hongjoong was there getting his makeup touched up. He was in a full suit.

Wow, he looks really handsome.

You walked to the center, the ground being marked with white tape. You waited for everyone to follow suit.

The director explained the first game, "The first game is the game of observation."

You nodded. "You'll be given a name, and you draw and pass it down to the next person. The last person has to guess what it is."

You nodded as you sat on the floor. Hongjoong looked at everyone before sitting with you. You raised your hand, "Can we write words?"

Dae laughed. The director said, "As long as it's not THE word. No letters or missing spaces."

You sighed. Kimmy raised her hand, "Can I be the last person."

Layla waved, "Go ahead."

Kimmy sat at the end, switching spots with Hongjoong. Hongjoong and I sat next to each other. My body was less tense as he looked at me. He whispered, "You look silly."

You smiled, "So do you pabo."

You knew you both didn't mean that. Hongjoong was a teaser.

Layla was keeping an eye on you. Hongjoong was using his hands to stay up. One arm was behind you as he leaned a little toward you.

Kimmy was given headphones so she couldn't hear. She beatboxed as soon as she heard the music.

The girls looked at her and started laughing.

You said, "Put Lenny up front. She's the best artist out of all of us."

Hongjoong watched as Lenny switched, and now Layla was next to Hongjoong.

The first word was pumpkin.

Lenny carefully drew out the lines. We only had three seconds, and she was drawing slowly. Dae said, "I don't wanna make you anxious, but Lenny!"

Lenny passed her the board, and Dae started drawing a face. You sighed as she passed it to you. You focused on drawing more of the pumpkin lines, and Hongjoong grabbed it.

He was drawing stems and lights in the background.

Layla shook her head, "She'll think Jack-o-latern!"

She erased the face and put grass around the pumpkin.

Layla passed it to Kimmy, and Kimmy yelled, "UH! HALLOWEEN!?"

You all groaned and threw her in the back of the line.

Dae yelled, "THAT WAS A TRIAL RUN!"

Hongjoong held back a laugh as the director.

In the next game, you all had to find books. They hid 60 books, and you had to take as many as possible.

The buzzer went off, and you booked it. (Pun intended)

You saw three when you first walked in and grabbed them. You put them on the stand. Dae grabbed your foot, and you fell. "Oof!"

Dae yelled, "Kimmy! She already found three! Hold her back!"

You were fighting her off as Hongjoong laughed at the sight. Kimmy's yellow dress was all over your face as they tickled you. Lenny ran over, "Stop bullying my Unnie!"

She pulled Kimmy off, and you escaped. "Thank you, Lenny!"

You ran for more books. Layla had four in her hand, and you tackled her. "Give me those!"

She fought back as she tried to grab your arm. You gripped the book, lifting her body with it. Where was Hongjoong?

Hongjoong was trying to fight off Lenny. Hongjoong and Lenny were giggling as she grabbed two books from his hands.

You looked at Layla and said, "The books in exchange for gossip!"

Layla let go, and you ran for the stadium again. You suddenly had an idea.

You looked in the cabinet and started shoving books in your dress. Nobody would find them there.

You grabbed books one at a time.

The director shouted, "ERRR! All the books have been found."

Layla counted to herself, "There's only thirty-two over here."

You heaved as you lifted your dress, and 28 books flew out.

"Y/N WINS!"

You balled your fist up and bit your lip. Your eyes closed as you let out a victory song. "Ya'll suck! Ya'll suck!"

You did a silly dance, and Hongjoong giggled. He hasn't seen that side of you before. How crazy you could be, how adorable you could be.

Your makeup was messy, your hair was all over the place, and your dress was twisted. You were wheezing as you stared at the camera.

But all good games come to an end.

You knelt on the floor as they crowned the Prom King and Queen. You waited as they walked past you. When you opened your eyes, there was a crown on your head.

"AH!"

You cheered, jumping in the air. You excitedly danced as Hongjoong stood up with his crown. He hugged you, lifting you up excitedly. You yelled, "Chest bump!"

He chest bumped you, and you fell on your ass. "Why is your chest so hard!?" "I work out!"

He offered to help you as you cheered, "I won!"

Dae yelled, "No fair! They're like best friends in real life."

You only laughed.

After the shoot, you returned to KQ to work on your next comeback. Kimmy was in her studio working on a beat progression. You walked in with a beanie and sweats on. Your crop top rose higher with your chest.

You said, "Hey." You patted her head and sniffed. "Stop it, Y/N!"

You laughed, kissing her head, and sat next to her. "You called me here." Kimmy said, "I wanted to know, if I made this a title track, would it be too fast?"

You listened to the beat and said, "Not at all. We can skip beats. Like, five, six, seven, and not a five, and, six, and."

You nodded, "This sounds amazing."

She said, "I don't have lyrics. I have to call in Lenny so she can write."

You nodded, thinking of how to dance to it. You asked, "Can you make the bass louder? The bass is slow enough to make something cool."

She nodded as she put the volume higher. Kimmy called Lenny, "Unnie?"

Kimmy said, "Can you come to the studio when you're free and write to this."

Lenny cheered, "I'm on my way! Am I recording, too? Let me get my teas!"

She hung up. The girls are usually somewhere in the KQ building. Layla was in meetings, Dae practiced singing with Lenny, you were in the dance room, and Kimmy was here.

Lenny's tiny footsteps were heard a mile away. She came in and yelled, "HERE!"

She had her notepad, pen, tea, and phone.

You were laughing. "I'm going to visit Hongjoong."

Lenny wiggled her eyebrows, "Ouu! Unnie has a boyfriend." You sighed, "A guy friend. Plus, I need to study for the finals."

Kimmy nudged you, "Right, this is your last year."

You nodded as you walked out, "See you in the morning for our Mnet performance!"

You laughed as you walked to Hongjoong's studio. It's a floor higher.

When you walked in, he was alone. The lights were low, and he was squinting at the screen.

Your energy came down as you rubbed his shoulders. Hongjoong turned around, "Hey."

You smiled, "Hi! I came here to study."

He pointed toward the couch. You saw the difference. A pink blanket and a small box of snacks sat on the sofa. There was a lap table underneath the blanket. "For me?"

He nodded, "Mingi went to Target, and I told him to pick up some stuff."

You plopped on the couch and threw the cover over you. Hongjoong said, "I had fun at the shoot today."

The back of your head laid against the couch arm as you had the laptop on your stomach. You turned to him and smiled, "That's great. Maybe we could collaborate again in the future."

Hongjoong smiled, "That sounds fun. You can sing, right?"

You shook your head, "Lenny's your girl. I'm the rapper of the group." He raised his forehead, "Oh, you rap and dance."

You nodded, "Not the hardest things. When I watch Lenny belt, she sounds so powerful. I wish I could sing that loud and strong."

Hongjoong said, "You probably can. You just never tried."

You shook your head, "Joong? What's the degree of an acute angle again?"

Hongjoong looked at you like you were crazy, "I haven't talked about degrees in 8 years, Y/N."

You laughed, "True. Why did I put myself through college? Oh!"

You looked at him again, "Wanna come to my graduation?"

Hongjoong said, "Of course! I'll ask the boys to come."

You cheered, "Wonnie said he was bringing his members, too. I was gonna ask Taesan if he wanted to come too."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "You know Taesan, Jungwon, and Minjae?" You nodded, "Those are Kimmy's three musketeers."

He returned to his keyboard, "Kimmy produces your music, right?"

You nodded, "Her and Lenny. Sometimes, I request small details or record the rap parts for Layla and me." Right on cue, I heard the girls screaming outside the door. Hongjoong looked at you as you ran out.

Dae was sitting on the floor as Lenny was checking her. "Dae! Did you fall?"

She nodded and got back up carefully. She said, "I'm fine!"

You sighed, rubbing your temples. They continued to run to the elevator. I'm guessing they probably wanted to record something together.

"Sorry, the girls are downstairs recording for something."

He smiled, "You treat them like your kids." You nodded, "Yeah. I met Lenny when she was 15. She's my kid." Hongjoong asked, "How old is she now?" "19. It's crazy."

Hongjoong laughed, "Understandable feeling."

You laughed. As you focused, it got quiet. It wasn't long before you two finished your work.

Now you were driving home together.

This was the time your talks would get deep. The times when Hongjoong and you would tell each other things nobody else knew.

"I'm scared of letting the boys down as a leader." You reassured him, "You're a great leader. You care about those boys so much. You work hard through countless sleepless nights for them. It shows."

Hongjoong smiled, "Thank you."

You only nodded as you looked out the window peacefully. Hongjoong asked, "Tomorrow is the day you perform for your fans?" You beamed, "I'm so excited! We're thinking of calling them gifts."

Hongjoong said, "That's a cool name."

You smiled and asked, "How much do you love Atiny's? This is my first time having fans. It's weird to think that I'll love a bunch of random strangers."

Hongjoong nodded, "I don't think of them as individual people. They are like an entity. People who come together to support our dreams."

You looked at Hongjoong. The night sky illuminated his side profile. Hongjoong's tattoo slipped from the shadows.

His lips were in that satisfied smile. Hongjoong was really attractive.

"You're pretty at night."

He glanced at you, "What?"

You said in Korean, "You're prettier at night." Hongjoong breathed from his nose in amusement. "Your Korean has gotten better." You thought of Dae screaming Korean at you. She didn't want to leave you out of jokes.

Dae spoke the most English out of the group. Layla talked some, but it was a lost language since she doesn't live with her Dad. Her Dad is black, so Layla was half Korean as well.

You said, "The girls really want me to get better. I don't study. They speak Korean all day in the house now, and I gotta survive."

Hongjoong frowned, "You should come to the dorm sometime. All we do is speak English."

You shook your head, "Nah, I think that'd be pretty invasive."

Hongjoong blurted, "You're my best friend. How invasive could that be?"

You smiled, "I'm your bestie!?" You clapped excitedly. Hongjoong said, "You have two different personalities, you know that?"

You quirked your eyebrow, "What? How?" Hongjoong mentioned, "When you're with me, you're calm and mature. When you're with your group, you get wild. I wish to see the crazier side of you."

You smiled, "It's just because I've known them for so long. They're my family."

Hongjoong smiled, "I'll work on getting closer to you then."

When you got home, the girls were gathered on the couch debating. You couldn't pick up on everything they said, but it didn't sound like an authentic argument. Layla was too quiet for it to be.

"Dun Dun Dun when I strut in the room! All eyes on me, I'm setting the mood!" Jaehyun twerked to your part of the song.

This was the MC interview, and Jaehyun was currently embarrassing himself. Jae and you have been friends for a little over four years. He was your drinking buddy since Layla was too mother-like.

You two have gotten wildly drunk together. Though, you had to wait until Jaehyun turned twenty. He was still hilarious.

You were wheezing as Hanbin joined in. Sohee just stared at the camera with annoyance.

Dae was cheering on Jaehyun as he attempted to do a flip. You yelled, "No, Jae!" He stopped and started laughing. Sohee asked, "Are you going to rip the stage tonight?"

Lenny took the mic, "Though Jaehyun sunbaenim spoiled the dance, yes."

We all laughed at Lenny. When she re-debuted, she got a boost of confidence. We loved her new energy. Dae's fans supported her loudly during the interview, too. I could tell she was going to be our most popular member.

She was the visual.

Layla had an, 'don't care' attitude, and fans loved it.

So far, you were the least popular member. That's because nobody knew anything about you.

When you got on stage, you locked in. Eyes low, and the beat came in. The catchy synth came in as the girls lifted Lenny. She flipped in the middle and said, "One two three, I'm there. Try hard, but your minimum is bare."

Dae sang after, "Let me just say, it's not fair. I gotta bigger things to do than be here."

Kimmy sang, "I'm going out tonight. We speeding left and right."

Lenny sang, "And let me find out."

You screamed, "These (bitches) ran their mouth!"

You danced to the strong beat as you slid to your position. Layla rapped, "I'm bursting through the seams, I got missions, I got dreams, but these people and they greed, tryna get in front of me."

You rapped, "Dun, Dun, Dun, when I strut in the room! All eyes are on me. I'm setting the mood! You see me now. I'll be topping it soon. What Rain said? When I wake up in my-"

You moved so Dae could sing her part. You were back for the chorus.

You looked at Lenny as you two tried not to laugh at the silly lyrics you wrote. Referencing Rain on Iland is a little crazy, but it was too funny not to include it.

The crowd wasn't ready for the serious dance break. You took a deep breath as you danced hard. Lenny and Dae were harmonizing as You and the others were dancing.

The song ended with the chorus and octave higher, and the lights went off.

You ran to the break room as you all cheered. Dae said, "I FELT FUCKING AWESOME!"

You hugged your girls and said, "Thank you!"

We were out of breath as we sat down. It wasn't long before we were going home. We walked to the car, and your phone blew up in the group chat. It was all the girls, plus the group of friends.

Jae Jae

WHAT RAIN SAY? WHEN I WAKE UP IN MY ROOOOM!

Wonnie

Ohhh that's what ya'll meant

Wonnie

I'm actualy weak in the knees from laughter rn

Lenny

Idk man we were just saying anything

Layla

I think it's hilarious

Taesannie

Wtf who wrote those lyrics

Lenny

🙆🏻‍♀️🙆🏻‍♀️🙆🏻‍♀️🙆🏻‍♀️

Taesan

Omg

Like everyone, Taesan has a soft spot for Lenny. She was adorable and the cutest little maknae ever. You want to tease her and make her giggle. You giggled at Jaehyun's hilarious texts as your phone blew up with something different.

Joongie

That performance was insane!

Joongie

I gotta treat you

Joongie

I see why you were practicing so hard! That flip looked insane

You

It took months to get every detail down

You

Manager is gonna take us out on the company card

Joongie

That's fun!

Joongie

Also i didn't know you were such a good rapper?????

You

I don't be spitting on the mic, but I be spitting

Joongie

Can you come spit on my mic

You froze.

What the hell did he mean by that?

You watched as Hongjoong's bubble popped up and disappeared.

Joongie

Girl... i meant my STUDIO MICROPHONE COME MAKE A SONG WITH ME

Joongie

dirty ass mind

You

I'm sorry!!! I freaked out for a second! I ain't never spit on nobody elses mic before

Joongie

Which mic are we talking about???

You

Nvm nvmnvm i'm too little for this conversation

Joongie

You're twenty three years old

You

Shut da hell up! I'll go to KQ with you later. WIll you be there at 10 ish?

Joongie

Yeah I'll be around

You

KK can't wait to spit on your mic

Mic Spitter🗣

Me too!!!

You giggled and clicked back on the group chat to see the girls talking ABOUT YOU.

"HEY! I was not texting my boyfriend! Hongjoong and I are NOT together!"

Lenny giggled, "Just like Kimmy didn't make out with Minjae last night."

Layla's head snapped to Kimmy. My mouth dropped with Dae's. "WAIT A GAWD DAYUM MINUTE!"

Dae was about to pounce, but I held her back. Why? Because Layla was about to ERRUPT.

"You went out last night without asking?" Layla always starts out calm. But, the quieter she gets, the scarier. "Unnie, It was a celebration for our debut. I-"

Layla waved it off, "We'll talk about it when we get home."

The car went silent. Kimmy was now angry at Lenny and scared of Layla. Lenny looked disappointed that it came out.

Dae said, "Layla?" You shook your head and mouthed, "I'll handle it."

The dinner was awkward, and so was the drive home. It was really only You and Dae talking. You were trying to get everyone to gather, but they were pissed.

When you all got home, it was an explosion.

"I'M ALLOWED TO DATE!" Kimmy was screaming. Layla said, "I'm not saying you aren't. You could've told me if you were going out! It's too early in our careers to be having fuck ups like this."

You stepped in, "Guys, take a breather and try to return to the conversation later."

Layla exploded, "YOU have no room to talk! You've been canoodling with our sunbaenim for months."

Lenny defended you, "That's not fair. Hongjoong sunbaenim has been nothing but nice!" Kimmy yelled, "Oh, so you defend Hongjoong and Y/N but can't keep my business with Minjae a secret?!"

Dae sighed, "ENOUGH! Everyone, go your separate ways."

Dae was never one to intervene. Dae's the middle child, so she usually stayed out most of our drama. Today, we are too divisive to agree on anything.

Layla was usually the one we all worried about because of how serious she was all the time. She rarely relaxes. Especially since we're debuting, you felt like she was trying to re-establish that she's the leader.

You mumbled, "I'm leaving."

Kimmy was following behind you as Dae stayed with Layla and Lenny.

The air hit you, and you felt like you were breathing again. Kimmy was quiet. Slightly seething. "You alright?"

She snapped, "Of course I'm not alright! How could Lenny do that to me?!"

You smiled, "It was clearly an accident. You can hold Lenny accountable, but don't be mad at an accident."

Kimmy slapped her face, "Doesn't she know how I feel though? That kiss was a mistake! I didn't want to kiss him, and it was awkward! We like each other, but I'm not sure we should date."

You sighed, "You're too young to be stressing over things like this."

Kimmy stormed into the KQ building, stomping past Hyunwoo. You shook your head in a manner that said, 'Don't ask,' and moved on.

You went to Hongjoong's studio after you finished practicing. Once again, Hongjoong was alone. "Joongie?"

He turned around mid-fry, "Oh, hey! I made something."

He played back the song he was working on and asked, "It'd be cool if you joined."

You sighed, "I'm a little stressed. The girls got into a fight today."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Why?"

You explained, "Lenny told Kimmy's secret, and Layla got pissed at Kimmy." Hongjoong frowned, "How's Kimmy and Lenny?"

You sighed, "Well, per usual, I'm always on Kimmy duty. Layla is on Lenny's duty. Kimmy is currently in her studio, probably making a song."

Hongjoong laughed, "The boys and I don't really fight anymore. All I can say is, you'll learn what pisses each other off eventually." You smiled, "I know. The girls love each other, so we'd never fight that seriously. It still sucks to see them so separate, though."

Hongjoong nodded, "Do you have fights with the girls?" You thought back, "Mm, no. Mostly because I barely spoke the language, and there was an understanding of not knowing the culture. And the girls love me. Layla and I have disagreements."

Hongjoong being nosy, asked, "What? Over what?"

You laughed, "You know, leader stuff. She's in charge of the group. I'm in charge of dance. We disagree on stuff sometimes. We always figure it out. I trust her. We voted her for a reason."

Hongjoong nodded. He turned back around to his keyboard and started writing a song. He was quiet.

It's different when Lenny writes a verse. She mumbles rhymes, repeating melodies, and groans. Usually, she's laid out on the floor. Hongjoong was quiet.

You disrupted the peace, "How do you write so quietly?" He answered, "I write songs in the most chaotic of times. It's pretty easy."

You nodded, "Yeah. I bet the boys are pretty crazy." Hongjoong vigorously nodded, "I'm borderline about to start throwing punches at them."

You laughed, "Don't do that."

You walked over to the soundboard and said, "You wanted to duet? What do you want to make the song about?"

Hongjoong looked at you, "You told me they're pushing a sexy concept with you. I'd probably be talking about longing for someone."

You asked, "You want a different POV, or do you want us to long for each other in the song?"

Hongjoong said, "Probably each other." Your heart fluttered, "You think the company would let us make an MV?" Hongjoong quirked his eyebrow, "That'd be cool if we could be pretend lovers. But, since you're so new, I don't think it'd be good press."

You shrugged, "All press is good press."

You two started writing the song.

Hongjoong got quieter. You were picking up on a weird energy from him. Something you couldn't explain.

Surprisingly, Hongjoong is easy to work with. That, or you're just so sure of yourself.

Hongjoong allowed you to write your verse. Then, you recorded it. Hongjoong was serious. "Yeah, we're layering that part."

He was fixing the automation. You asked, "Wanna get something to eat? I'm hungry."

Hongjoong looked at the song. You could tell Hongjoong wanted to finish the song, but he pulled away. "Yeah. Let's go out."

You laughed, "We could just order Postmates."

He smiled, "Let's go on a walk."

You nodded slowly. Honestly, Hongjoong felt a little off today. Quieter, more in his head.

You were together on the street when you exited the company building. The walk was silent before you said, "What's wrong with you?"

Hongjoong looked at you and laughed. You smiled, "You seem upset about something."

Hongjoong nodded, "Yeah. I had a conversation with Seonghwa about this girl. I need advice."

Your heart sank. It sank deeper than you expected. Why were you sad that Hongjoong was talking to someone. Was it because he never told you about it?

You pouted as you tried to disguise the sadness in your voice, "Why didn't you tell me?" Hongjoong laughed again. His eyes looked over your face slowly.

"You upset I'm talking to girls?"

You shook your head, "You didn't tell me." You were hoping that would cover the feelings you recently discovered yourself.

Hongjoong sighed, "Because you're a tease." You frowned, "Am I?"

He laughed, "No. But can I talk about this girl?"

You gave him the stage. Hongjoong said, "She's the cutest little thing in the world. She doesn't even know it. She's very bubbly when you get to know her, and her smile is killer. I was attracted to how her personality changes when she's with someone she's comfortable with."

You nodded. You were intrigued but also upset.

Scratch that, really upset. You felt tears welling in your eyes as he talked about her.

"The thing is, I'm terrified to confess because she's my closest friend."

You nodded, trying to blink back tears. "This girl means so much to me. She's so different from anyone I've ever met. She's so true to herself."

The first tear escaped your eye, but you wiped it away quick enough. Hongjoong didn't notice.

"Do you think I should ask her out? She might get intimidated-"

Your voice cracked as you cut him off, "Go ahead."

Hongjoong's eyes snapped to your face as he saw your tears. He reached for your face, but you backed up. "Hey, uh... I gotta go."

Hongjoong asked, "Go where?"

"Check on the girls."

That was over a week ago. Joongie had tried to text and call, but you'd ignore it. He doesn't like you, and apparently you did.

You avoided him when visiting the company. When that first video of your variety show came out, you avoided talking about Joongie.

He was probably in a happy relationship. Or not. He never listens to you anyway.

It was when you were practicing your individual dance. You had a solo stage for an award show.

You groaned as you missed the beat. You turned off the music and went for a drink of water. When you turned around, Kimmy was there.

"Aye. When you're done, the girls need you for a studio session."

You nodded as you threw on your shirt. "I'll just go right now. I need a break."

You grabbed your phone from the speaker and walked with Kimmy. She asked, "What's going on with you and sunbaenim?"

You looked at her, "What do you mean?" "You haven't hung out in a week. I see him often in the company, so I know he's not busy."

You shrugged it off, "It's nothing. I've been busy."

Kimmy nodded, "Ah, the solo stage stressing you out?" You nodded, "You think I'm gonna get hate for how sexy it is?"

Kimmy shook her head like you were crazy. You walked in, and Lenny was already in there. "Hi, cutie!" You kissed her head and sat on the couch.

"I rewrote the chorus because it didn't flow." You nodded as you read through the lyrics again. Kimmy clicked on her mouse as she automated the background vocal.

"I'm gonna have to send this to Hyung so he can mix it."

You asked, "Isn't he busy with Xikers comeback?" Kimmy blushed, "Minjae said he'd put in a word."

You laughed with Lenny.

Layla cooled down when she saw how careful the two of them were. She let it go once you talked to her about it.

Layla listens to you when you get passionate about things.

You rapped your part into the microphone and doubled Dae's parts. Lenny asked, "You should sing more often. You have a great voice."

You shook your head, "I'm no good."

Kimmy added a little autotune to sound better. "No, it's perfect. You should really take vocal lessons to be our ace."

You laughed, "Dae's our ace." Lenny nodded, "True, but she's a horrible rapper." You smiled as the girls hyped you up. You got up and stretched, "I'm gonna go back to the practice room. I gotta work on my-"

Kimmy and Lenny said in unison, "Solo stage. We know."

You laughed and waved, "Alright, bye."

You walked out and went on your elevator trip. You walked to the practice room. You spend so much time here that the CEO dedicated the room to you and allowed decoration.

It's a sweet detail, but you still allow others to borrow it.

You walked into the room, and Hongjoong was there.

He turned around and said, "Thank God."

You ignored him and turned around. "Wrong room. Sorry."

Hongjoong snatched your arm back in and locked the door. He had you pressed against the door.

You felt his breath against your nose as you looked into his eyes. "What are you doing?" You asked.

Hongjoong looked like he was debating something. His eyes were full of emotions you couldn't figure out.

"You've ignored me for a week and thought I'd let it go?"

You laughed, "I wasn't ignoring you. I've been busy with solo stages."

Hongjoong laughed darkly, "Like we haven't hung out in the practice room before."

You rolled your eyes, "Joong, I don't have time for this. You should go with your girlfriend or something."

Hongjoong let you walk away from him as he asked, "What girlfriend?"

His eyes followed yours. "You know. The girl you were crushing on last week."

He laughed.

His stare at you was intense as he said, "Yeah. I don't know why I thought you'd understand what I meant. That girl I was talking about was you."

You froze.

There was silence, and in that silence was tension so thick, you couldn't cut it with a knife.

Hongjoong stepped closer, "I like you."

You stepped back, "You sure? You weren't talking about some other chick?"

Hongjoong couldn't take the distance anymore. He ran for you, wrapping you in a bear hug, "Yes, Y/N. It's only ever been you. Please, get out of this fucking practice room for once, and let's go on a date."

You grabbed his face. Your heart swelled at how his cheeks smooshed. He asked, "Wanna kiss me?"

You bit your lip as you nodded yes. Hongjoong leaned in to kiss your lips. His lips were perfect and soft.

They fit together like puzzle pieces. You gasped when Joong bit your bottom lip. e pressed you against the mirror and shoved his tongue down your throat.

He pulled away and looked at you.

"You're so adorable." You asked, "Cute? I thought I was sexy."

He kissed your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. He lifted you like you weighed nothing and pressed your back into the cold mirror. His kisses were getting more heavy.

He licked your hickey before going back in for more sucking.

You shuddered as you said, "We should stop." You didn't want to say that, but Hongjoong stopped.

He put you down and put distance between you two.

"Wanna go to Karaoke?"

You smiled, "Of course I do!"

After that date, you were back in his car. It's where it all started. Where you fell for him first.

This is where it all began.

"Smooth criminal~" He sang. You laughed, "You really love Michael Jackson."

He shimmied his shoulders. He sobered up before driving. He was crazy in the Karaoke bar.

You laughed at how happy he was. "He's my biggest inspiration!"

You smiled as he asked, "Whose yours?" You looked away, feeling embarrassed. "If I tell you, don't get weird about it."

He quirked an eyebrow, "Who is it?"

You said, "Lee Know from Stray Kids." Hongjoong looked at you as the gears turned in his head.

"I know him." You laughed, "I know you do. I watched Kingdom."

Hongjoong said, "You're a stay?" You nodded, "I'm more casual than before. I used to watch them to learn Korean."

Hongjoong said, "What about Ateez? Did you like us?"

You looked at him, "I liked you."

Hongjoong's smile lit up, "Yeah? So you set this all up, didn't you? You got me hooked, so I would ask you out?"

You shoved his shoulder, "You did this to yourself!"

He laughed as you pulled your phone out. You were checking the girl's location.

Layla was at her parent's house, Lenny and Dae were at the company, and Kimmy was at Minjae's dorm.

You looked at Hongjoong, "Wanna come over tonight?"

He froze, "What do you plan on doing to me?" You smiled, "Stop. I wanna chill. I'm not like that."

Hongjoong asked, "Have you dated before?" You nodded, "In high school. Then, I came here, and I can't date someone if they don't speak English."

You watched Hongjoong ask slowly, "You ever have sex?"

You turned away as you whispered, "No."

Hongjoong turned down the Michael Jackson and said, "Sorry, I didn't hear you."

You repeated, "No. I'm kinda a romantic. I like the idea of doing it with someone I love and trust."

Hongjoong looked back at the road, "That's how I was, too."

It was silent before Hongjoong said, "You still want me to come over?"

You laughed, "Yeah. I do. I think.... maybe we should have sex."

Hongjoong's grip on the wheel got tighter. "Yeah?"

You nodded, "I trust you."

You shouldn't have said that. Now, Hongjoong was holding your wrist above your head as he pushed you against the door.

You whined when he pulled away, "Where's your room?"

You pulled him by the sleeve to your room. You turned on your LED lights to red.

Hongjoong laughed a little, "You setting the mood?" You said, "I could turn on the Weekend if you want."

Hongjoong shook his head as he walked closer. He kissed your lips again before whispering, "Get on the bed for me."

You sat on the bed as Hongjoong kneeled in front of you. You felt him kiss your knee as he pulled your pants off. He looked at you and said, "You have to tell me what you like."

You said, "Wait... what if I don't taste good."

Hongjoong couldn't help but laugh. His finger hooked under your panties and pulled them off.

You felt the cold brisk air brush against your clit.

You looked at Hongjoong as he carefully rubbed his thumb over your clit. You bit your lip, and Hongjoong checked for your reaction.

He looked back down and leaned in.

It was slow the way he kissed your core.

Your pussy was throbbing from what could be.

Hongjoong kissed your clit again, and your hands shot to his hair.

Your fingers clawed into his scalp, and he groaned.

You gasped from the vibration and dove your head back.

Hongjoong sucked on your bud, earning a whine.

He lifted your thighs and put them on his shoulder. He spread your thighs farther from how broad his shoulders were.

You heard him slurp, and it startled you.

You looked down to see the mess his mouth was making on your pussy. You felt him push a finger in, and you moaned.

Hongjoong checked, "Does it hurt?" You shook your head as you felt the pleasure.

You've never felt this friction before. The way your walls pulsed against his fingers. The way your stomach felt like you finished a core workout routine.

Your pussy was throbbing with heat as Hongjoong continued to suck.

He added another finger, stretching you out further. You felt more pain than before. Hongjoong kissed and sucked your inner thigh. You panted, "Faster."

Hongjoong obliged quickly. His fingers dug into you until you were out of breath. Still, you didn't cum like you thought you would.

It only felt good.

You whined, "Not enough."

Hongjoong pulled out and kissed your cheek. He sucked on his fingers as he looked at you intensely. "You're not already ready, right?"

You nodded as you pulled his sweatpant strings closer. He leaned in, "I'm bigger than you think."

You frowned, "I don't even know what big is. I just want to cum."

Hongjoong kissed your neck again, "Yeah?"

His hands slid up your shirt as he took it off. "You need some more attention before I give you everything."

His hand slid behind your back and unclipped your bra. You hissed when your tits popped out.

He carefully slid it off your shoulders as he kissed your chest. "You're mine."

He kissed down to your nipple. He sucked mercilessly. You felt his wet and warm tongue swipe around your nipples. Your hips ground into him.

He put his hand on your hips and pushed you down.

You whined, "Touch me."

Hongjoong's other hand slithered down your body to your hole again.

He shoved three fingers inside, stuffing your cunt.

You couldn't help the whimper that left your throat.

As Hongjoongs mouth left clicking noises, you finally felt that buildup coming.

Your fingers flew to your clit as you rubbed in slow circles.

Hongjoong quickened his pace as he softly bit your nipple.

You moaned one last thing, "I'm gonna cum, Joongie!"

You felt yourself starting to spill over as you finally came.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You were panting non-stop as Hongjoong stared in adoration. His smile made his cupid's bow disappear as he kissed your face. "You're so cute, baby."

He kissed your lips as you heard his pants drop.

You fell back on the bed and scooted up. Hongjoong was climbing over you slowly. He took his shirt off, and you couldn't help but whine.

You've never seen this much of him before. His chest was broad, his arms buff, his abs sculpted.

You said, "I want you."

Hongjoong dove down, and you felt his dick swing into your cunt.

Hongjoong grabbed it as he kissed you messily. He rubbed himself while kissing you.

You felt him rub his dick over your clit, and you cried, "Please."

Hongjoong let it slip. Something in him cracked as he heard you beg. He slid himself into your hole, and you shut up.

You went still, your breathing heavy, but no sound came from you.

Hongjoong kissed you again, "It hurts?" You nodded as you squeezed your face.

Hongjoong kissed your lips again, his tongue slipping into your mouth as you relaxed. Hongjoong started his thrust slowly. So slow, you didn't notice.

His touches were gentle as he said, "You're taking me so good, baby."

You whined in his ear as he quickened his pace by a smidge.

You felt his dick thrust into your spot, and a long guttural moan escaped your throat.

Your arms swung to the sheets as you balled them up. Hongjoong got aggressive as he dug into you.

Your legs wrapped around his waist as he went deeper.

Your moan got more high-pitched as Hongjoong said, "Fucking take it. God, you feel so good."

Your moans were getting so high that you couldn't hear them. They turned into gasps as Hongjoong got faster. He whined when you clenched around him, "Fuck Y/N."

You tried to grab Hongjoong, but your vision was too blurry. Hongjoong leaned down to give you another messy kiss.

You panted, "I'm gonna-" You started cumming, and Hongjoong didn't stop.

He put your tits in his mouth as he fucked you mercilessly through your orgasm. "I can't!"

It felt too good. The overstimulation was making you shake under Joong. "Just a little longer. I need to cum."

His pace fastened as he drilled into your G-spot. You felt him moving in your stomach as your pussy began to swell. You shot your hand down to your clit, and you confessed, "I'm gonna cum again."

You felt a watery liquid shoot from your pussy as Hongjoong moaned, "Fuck, you just squirted baby."

You felt him pull out as he came in his hand. His muscles relaxed as he came. His bottom caught under his teeth. "Yeah?" Hongjoong looked at you.

He responded, "You ever squirt like that before?" You shook your head, "I didn't know that was a thing."

Hongjoong kissed your cheek and got up. You saw the shimmer of your juices on his V-line as he walked into your bathroom. He washed his hands and came back with a warm towel for you. He wiped you down and asked, "Do you want some water?"

You shook your head, taking in his sexy face. His hair was sticking to his forehead, but it was messy because of how much you grabbed it.

His eyebrows were furrowed a bit as he breathed heavily from his sharp nose.

His perfectly round lips were in that smile as your eyes traced down his heaving chest. Your eyes read over his 'no1likeme' tattoo again. You said, "Just come here, baby."

He was going into giver mode, and you wanted him next to you. He nestled into your bare chest and said, "You did a good job."

Your legs brushed against the wet spot on the sheets, "I did?"

Hongjoong whispered, "You told me what you wanted." You smiled while looking at him. He looked comfortable with you.

You sighed as you faced the ceiling. Hongjoong continued, "You sound so cute when you moan, too." You whined and turned away, embarrassed, "Stop!"

He laughed, "You're the cutest! What happened to hyper and sexy Y/N?" You said, "She's lost when she's with you."

He kissed your cheek, "Be yourself with me."

Taesan Fan Fic June 3rd

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