#the reason I could barely function the same as my friends who didn't even try

[princessflaw]

"I def have adhd lol I just feel so hyper today" "isn't adhd just being quirky/loud?" "everyone is a little hyper/distracted" "this is the new tik tok trend"

[lenaswritingandstuff]

All I had • Mattheo Riddle x f!reader

Requested: No well I lowkey did

Pairing: Mattheo Riddle x f!reader

Summary: After his girlfriend y/n is killed, Mattheo has to deal not only with pain and sorrow, but also cruel accusations (complete original prompt here)

Word count: long as hell 2.4K

Warnings: mentions of death, lost, and grief

A/N: When I had this idea a few weeks ago I didn't think it would actually be so hard to write and I hate it lol :) I can't remember for the life of me if people in universe know Voldemort wants to be immortal, so for this one be an angel and pretend they do :) Might write a part two with a certain someone if many people ask 👀. ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE.

Hogwarts, 1997.

The two Aurors were walking right behind him, firmly holding his arms to prevent him from running. Run where? he thought. Not that he had somewhere to go. Snape, who had always looked at Mattheo and his brother with an annoying suspicion, was walking ahead of them, his robes floating behind him. Mattheo didn’t know where they were going, or why. Not that he actually cared. Even though the Auros were leading his movements, his legs still seemed to be carrying him on their own, and if he didn’t try to resist, protest or at least ask questions to the silent Aurors, it was only because he didn’t have any energy or will to do so. Everything, including his body, felt numb and his mind was clouded, not functioning properly at all, barely noticing or hearing what was happening around him, instead full of the events of the night, as if it was trying to look for a reason. The only thing he could feel was the grip of the Aurors on his upper arms, the painful dryness of his blurry eyes, his throat sore from crying, his still wet cheeks, and this feeling of unbearable pain, anguish and confusion inside his chest.

After walking through countless corridors, they finally arrived in a smaller corridor, where Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were apparently expecting them. It often came as a surprise to those who didn’t know, but Mattheo actually held great respect for the old headmaster. How could he not? He was the only person his father had ever feared. Dumbledore was still the same as usual, looking calm and serene, while McGonagall looked at Mattheo with what seemed to be sadness. As they came closer, Mattheo saw a simple gray door on the right, which suddenly opened. 

“Mr. Riddle,” Dumbledore said with a calm, almost kind voice, and Mattheo only raised his eyes towards him for a quarter of a second before looking at the ground again, “I will have to ask you to sleep here tonight. If you are in need of anything, please feel free to ring the bell. But I assure you, everything will be alright.”

‘Alright’? Mattheo would have laughed if he could. Behind him, the Auror snigged. Mattheo didn’t speak a word, and when he turned to pass the door, he saw Snape give him a more suspicious look than before. He managed to enter the room, which was a rudimentary bedroom with a bed, two chairs around a small rounded table with a small golden bell on it, and a sink. No window whatsoever, only a few candles floating in the air and drawing shadows on the walls. 

“If you wish to turn the candles off, just ask them to sleep,” Dumbledore told him.

“We will be back in the morning,” one of the Aurors told the Headmaster, and then the door closed abruptly, leaving Mattheo completely alone with his thoughts and the cold silence of a cold room. 

After a long, boring day of classes, he had spent the evening in y/n’s dorm, talking and cuddling, enjoying the comfort and peace only her could make him feel. Then Theo texted him, asking him if he fancied a smoke. Mattheo initially wanted to refuse, not wanting to leave y/n’s embrace, but she told him to go, that she didn’t want to keep him away from his friends. And so Mattheo went, going to one of the darkest corners of the castle where he and Theo knew they wouldn’t be caught by any professors and especially Filch. But the smoke break lasted much longer than usual, and when Mattheo went back to y/n’s dorm, planning on continuing their night together and eventually falling asleep with her in his arms, he walked by the castle’s courtyard and, in the dark of the night, saw something strange on the courtyard’s ground. Frowning, he had hesitated before slowly walking towards it, curiosity leading his mind. The closer he got, the more the strange “thing” on the ground, the clearer the mass on the ground got, and soon it appeared to be a body. Despite the fear that it might be someone he knew, Mattheo had quickened his pace, and barely a few meters later, he recognized whose body it was.

Oh, God. No, no, please, no. Not this. Anything but this.

At the second he recognized y/n’s body, he ran towards it and fell beside her, immediately holding her to his chest, gently shaking her despite his panic which grew every quarter of a second. 

“y/n?! y/n, can you hear me? Baby?” 

But he didn’t get any answer, and when he checked her pulse, he had almost felt his heart break from the pain. 

“No, no, no, y/n, please! Fuck!”

Tears had started to feel, and he was now screaming. He didn’t know how long he spent here, holding her body as tight as he could, crying like he never thought he ever would and begging her to come back, to not leave him alone, but at one point, someone had seen him, had a loud gasp, and had ran to tell someone. Soon, Professor McGonnagall and two Aurors were here, and they tried to take her from him. He screamed and protested, not wanting to let her go, but they managed to separate them, and Mattheo was then led there, his entire being shattered in pieces and his mind unable to work knowing she was gone. 

Not caring to take off his shoes, Mattheo laid on the bed, and tears started to run down his cheeks. She’s gone, she’s gone, his mind kept screaming, and yet, it refused to accept it.

This is just a nightmare. Just a nightmare. I’m gonna wake up soon. 

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink or eat, Mr Riddle? Professor Dumbledore insisted.” 

Mattheo barely looked at the Auror sitting on the other side of the metallic table, and kept silent. He could hardly keep his eyes open, too tired from not sleeping at all the night before - and yet not feeling sleepy at all. 

“Well,” the Auror continued, putting a long, thin black bow on the table. “I guess we can start, then. Mr Riddle, do you know why you’re here?” 

Mattheo shook his head. 

“Really?” the other Auror asked, sitting next to his colleague. “No clue? At all?” 

This time, Mattheo raised his eyes towards the two men for a few seconds, and tried not to find weird the way they were looking at him - with disdain, coldness, and something he couldn’t quite get yet - as, after all, a lot of people looked at the son of the Dark Lord with suspicious - Snape included - or even fear, and he got used to it. Why would their eyes matter, when y/n’s eyes looked at him with nothing but love?

And now I won’t ever see them again. Mattheo felt his eyes becoming watery, and tried to fight tears as much as he could. 

“Because y/n is gone,” he said, looking at the table. 

“You’re right,” the Auror on the left said. “But allow me to be more precise, Mr Riddle. Miss y/l/n is gone… because you killed her.”

Mattheo’s mind, still as cloudy as the night before, suddenly cleared up like and working like a machine being turned on. He looked at the two men, and suddenly understood the reason they had been looking at him like that ever since they came into the room a few minutes earlier. They think I’m guilty. 

This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. This isn’t real. I’ll wake up any moment and see her sleeping next to me. 

Shock, anger, and a bit of panic and confusion came into him like a gigantic wave. “What? I didn’t kill her! Why the hell would I kill her?” 

This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare.

“Oh, you would be surprised at all the reasons why a man could kill his girlfriend. She caught him cheating, he caught her cheating, she saw something she shouldn’t have seen…” the Auror stopped, and looked at Mattheo with malice. “Or maybe he wants to prove himself to his father.”

If he could, Mattheo would have laughed. Here it is. The “son of the Dark Lord” bullshit. He ran his hand through his hair, and sighed.

“You think I killed y/n because my father asked me?” he asked, trying his absolute best to remain calm. “Why would I have accepted?” 

“Well, you’re the second son. The spare. Your father likely planned for your brother Tom to be his second in command, and, if he were to die, his heir, didn’t he? And then, what do you have left, Mr Riddle? At best, you remain the spare and then your brother’s second in command your whole life, and in the worst case… Nothing.” 

y/n. I would have y/n. 

“Dumbledore told us your father tried to contact you last summer,” the second Auror spoke. 

Mattheo felt annoyance growing inside of him, “and did he also tell you that I refused, and hid from him the whole time?” 

“Yes,” the first Auror admitted. “He did say you told him that. But how can we be sure you didn’t lie?” 

Mattheo closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. 

“So, you guys think I’m a murderer just because my father is? For no other reason than that?”

“Actually, Mr. Riddle, the main reason we do believe that, is because…of that.”

The Auror took the long, thin black bow he had put earlier on the table, and opened it before showing the inside to Mattheo, whose eyes opened in surprise. 

“My wand?” 

“Yes, Mr Riddle, we-”

“I lost it,” Mattheo interrupted with a louder voice, feeling his heart beat faster, “I lost it yesterday sometime after class. Where did you find it?!”

“You lost it?” the Auror asked while crossing his arms, sounding amused, “Well, did you tell anyone? Any teachers?”

“I went to tell Professor Snape,” Mattheo answered, “but he wasn’t in his office. I waited for him for almost an hour but he never came back. My friend Lorenzo saw me, I asked him if he knew where Snape was.”

The Auror shared a look that told Mattheo they already knew Lorenzo had seen him - and yet didn’t believe him.

“Now,” Mattheo continued, more annoyed by the second, “where did you find my wand?” 

“Why, near you, Mr Riddle. When we found you near your victim’s corpse,” the second Auror said as if it was obvious.

The dark-haired boy stared at them in disbelief. “What? No, you’re…You’re lying.”

“And when we used Prior Incantato, we saw that the last spell your wand used was the killing curse.”

“That’s why he brought you here, Mr Riddle”, the second Auror continued immediately. “If we didn’t find your wand near you, our theory wouldn’t be based on anything. We might even have believed you when you’re telling us you didn’t kill miss y/l/n.” 

“I did not kill her!” Mattheo screamed. 

The Auror sighed, “Mr Riddle, please. Out of respect for miss y/l/n and her family, do tell us the truth. They deserve justice.”

“You’re lucky, you know?” the second Auror went on, “If it wasn’t for Professor Dumbledore, you’d be in Azkaban, awaiting your trial.” 

“I’m innocent!” Mattheo yelled, feeling himself going mad. “I told you the truth!”

“Alright,” the Auror said with a loud voice, putting a clenched fist on the table. “If you didn’t do it, then who did?” 

“How would I know?” Mattheo snapped. “I found her body in the courtyard, and I didn’t see anybody else.”

“See? You can’t give us a second option. Our talks with teachers and students told us Miss y/l/n had no enemies, was loved by both classmates and teachers alike, and her parents are good people. No one had a reason to kill her, except for you.”

“We don’t need to know the reasons on why you did it, Mr Riddle,” the first Auror said in an almost kinder, more patient tone. “Even though we have some ideas about the ‘why’. Just admit you did it.”

“Admit you did it because either your father asked you to do it, or because, despite your best efforts to make people believe you’re different from him, the truth is, you’re just like him.”

“I didn’t do it!” Mattheo screamed. “How many do I have to tell you?! I didn’t kill y/n! Someone must have taken my wand and killed her! How can you not see that?!” 

The first Auror sighed, meanwhile the second clenched his jaw. 

“Mr Riddle, y/n-”

“DO NOT USE HER NAME!” Mattheo shrieked. 

But the Auror ignored him, closing his eyes for a second, “y/n had a family, friends, people who loved her, and a whole life with a bright future ahead of her.”

Yes. And all I had was her.

“You took enough from her. Do you take away from her grieving parents the satisfaction that their daughter’s killer is not in prison, paying for his crime.”

Mattheo put his face in his hands, feeling tears burn his eyes. 

“I want to see my brother.” 

“Your brother?” the first Auror asked, and this time he sounded genuinely surprised.   

“Well,” Mattheo spat, raising back his head to stare at the two men, “someone should find y/n’s killer if I’m going to be in Azkaban soon, don’t you think?”

“So you admit it? You killed her?”

“No! For fuck’s sake, no I didn’t kill fucking kill her!” 

They didn’t understand, Mattheo thought with desperation and frustration, putting his head back in his hands. Mattheo couldn’t even remember how life was before he fell in love with y/n during their third year. All he remembered is that two years ago, in their fifth year here, he finally gathered the courage to let her know how he felt, and, by some miracle, this beautiful, sweet witch with a heart of gold felt the same way about him. Ever since, all that was inside his mind was y/n, how his heart, life and soul belonged to her and her only, how she was the only one to not see him as Voldemort’s son but how he really was instead, how she was always there for him, especially when he started feeling anxious when his father came back after the Triwizard Tournament, and how their kisses, their hugs and cuddles and sleeping with her in his arms were the most important things to him. And now, he had lost it all. 

The two Aurors suddenly rose from their chairs, and left the room, leaving Mattheo alone with his broken heart and nonfunctioning mind. 

This is a nightmare, this is a nightmare.

PART 2

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Masterlist

[schizopositivity]

So I was searching for a new psychiatrist online, and every website filter, every description they have, for individual providers and medical groups will include a whole bunch of different mental illnesses and life situations that they specialize in. Basically every mental illness and stressful life situation you could think of. But I didn't see schizophrenia or psychosis on any list. They had mental illnesses that can have psychotic symptoms (like bipolar disorder or PTSD) and mental illnesses that have overlapping symptoms with schizophrenia (like ASD and ADHD) but didn't have psychosis or schizophrenia anywhere.

And this is so frustrating, because I'm used to therapists not knowing how to treat schizophrenia/psychosis at all, that's been every therapist I've ever had and I've sadly learned to deal with that. But for psychiatrists, I'd really love to be able to be prescribed high doses of antipsychotics by someone who knows how that affects people. Someone who has enough experience to list that as a specialty. I live in a small city with a long list of psychiatrists, I even checked ones farther away that could do online sessions. Still after hours of combing through websites I found nothing. I was even told by my therapist that normal primary care providers regularly hesitate or refuse to prescribe antipsychotics because it's a "liability".

And it feels so unfair. Seeing psychiatrists say "mental health is so important! I can help you find your best self!" while ignoring all of us who rely on antipsychotics to function. For me my antipsychotics are the biggest reason I'm alive today, that I have a job, that I have a long term relationship, that I have friends, that I can even function. Going off of antipsychotics is not a safe option for me.

The pharmacy requires refill approval from a psychiatrist or Dr. so that I can have access to my meds. And I shouldn't have to keep settling for mental health care workers who don't understand my illness, don't want to prescribe my meds, and don't care to try.

I don't understand how there can be such a major gap in mental health care that's never even talked about. For a lot of us with schizophrenia, antipsychotics are extremely important, and going off of them can have major consequences. The fact that medication can dramatically improve our lives is incredible, but the fact that so many mental health care workers don't understand it, don't want to prescribe it, or just guess when prescribing it is horrendous, and has life-changing consequences for us.

It feels so isolating to not even be on a long list of mental health problems, and to speak to countless people who've dedicated their life to the mental health field, yet don't even consider you as an option. I just got rejected by a group of 6 psychiatrists working in an office together. In a quick email they said they wouldn't be able to provide care for me. Apparently all of them, who are available and licensed to care for people with mental illnesses, don't even think it's possible that any one of them could help me. All I need is medication refill approval, but apparently they can't do that. It feels so defeating but I'm going to keep trying because I have to.

I am not an anomaly, I am one small part of a large group of people with my same diagnosis. And we all need care at the bare minimum, but we deserve care that has us in mind for once. One day, I'd like to think, that a profession centered around helping people with various mental illnesses and struggles, would add us to the list. Because we are here regardless.

[oneatlatime]

The Desert

Alternate title: Gimme Appa back.

"But I believe, Aang can save the world." no pressure kid.

I had completely forgotten about these two chuckleheads. For once the 'Previously On' segment is useful rather than spoilery.

Ok Aang is going to get the world's biggest pass this episode, because he's in the suckiest of all situations. But even so, how exactly was Toph supposed to come and get them, when she was both actually blind for once and the only reason the library hadn't drowned them yet?

Aang has something of a history of running away. Does going after Appa count as running away from his friends?

Zuko's theatre kid tendencies are genetic.

The way Iroh said "What Now?" you know he was actually saying "fuck's sake."

Zuko's hair seems to grow very quickly. I thought that I could use his hair growth to measure time passing but this is not tracking. He barely had a buzz cut in The Chase and now he's fluffy.

Two things: a) this guy has eyes greyer than Aang this episode. b) He's cocking his hands like that ridiculous Henry Cavill scene from Mission Impossible where he cocks his biceps.

This guy's spear has piercings. And is coming out of a Dragon's mouth.

I don't know that I'd call these guys legendary. They're zero for two against an Avatar in Drag and two starving refugees with three functioning arms.

Doesn't Katara ever change out her water? Or even use it up and have to refill it?

I said it last episode, and I'll say it again: why did five people, a lemur, and a ten tonne sky bison travel into a desert famous for its desertiness with only a single water pouch between them? Admittedly, if they'd brought extra water and left it on Appa, they'd be having the same problem, but still...

Is a kids' show actually going to go there?

They actually went there!

Honestly if you're dying of dehydration in the desert, eating strange plants is absolutely the way to go. I'd rather trip my way into the afterlife than just shrivel up and die.

I love the way Aang's glider shadow moves over the dunes. Another one of those tiny details that the animators could have left out, but they didn't!

Sand benders must get crazy high speeds if Aang can't spot even a trace of Appa from up high. He wasn't Appa-napped very long ago.

Everyone go watch the scene where Aang blows up the mushroom cloud. Go right now I'll wait. And pay attention to Sokka's mouth. It does the wave.

His mouth does the wave and his arms do the worm. Someone really had fun this episode.

Zuko breaking the world record for highest number of Fire Nation wanted posters. Despite being the only person on that board who's unquestionably loyal to the Fire Nation. What a nice reward he got for his loyalty.

How is that one wrestler dude's hair so shiny?

Why, other than plot convenience, would Zuko and Iroh be at the Ice Spring?

I see now that the left hand shadow is Sokka with a Momo on his head. But for just a second I thought it was Ramona from Scott Pilgrim.

There are some really beautiful colour gradients in this desert.

"We won't survive without Appa." Well yes, but you have to try.

If this is a normal desert they're going to freeze their butts off overnight.

No comment. Just vibes.

Hey this is a Katara episode! Toph is blind, Sokka's zoinked, Aang's given up, so it's Katara time baby!

This episode has no business being this pretty.

"Sokka. I was there." I'd be very surprised if Katara's voice actress doesn't have an idiot older brother. That line was delivered a little too perfectly.

I'm not going to comment on every Sokka is high joke, but rest assured I'm finding them all hilarious.

Those drinks cost a gold piece each. Where did they get five gold pieces from?

Colour me shocked. The chuckleheads actually had a good idea for once.

Colour me shocked again! I vaguely predicted this!

Zuko. Honey. How are you this dim? He's so very good at missing exactly what's in front of him.

"Gold?"

Big muscles. No brains.

Very pretty. The sand texture is good too.

Well that was mean.

Passive aggressive glider deployment. Also how low is that cloud if Aang can reach it to bend it?

Aang is not shining this episode (understandably) but Katara is going from strength to strength. I NEVER would have thought that she was someone who could keep her cool under pressure like this. Happy to be wrong!

I have no idea if Sokka is going to remember or be aware of this epic trip he's on, but this is probably the best time he's had in months. Certainly since Yue died. He deserves this. Bad timing, but he needed a break.

"You must forgive my nephew. He is not an initiate, and is dumb as shit and incapable of reading the room."

Why is there a flower shop in the middle of the desert? What clients do they have? Obviously it's a front for this pai sho secret society thing, but why did they pick such a nonsensical front?

Toph has so much personality that it's easy to forget how tiny she is. Like a little gargoyle.

Sokka talking like a Greaser was the thing I didn't know I needed.

Poor Katara. Now you know how your brother feels every time he has to save your bacon from your weekly prison break.

I am losing my mind over these colours. Especially after The Library.

"I have a natural curiosity." I'm going to start using that.

Oops they found the circle bird nest.

Hey showrunners, you're going to take Momo from me too? You sure you want to do that? After last episode? Don't give me a pretty sunset with a latte swirl. Give me back Appa, put down Momo, or I'll sic Toph on you.

I do like Toph as a piece of artillery.

Turns out a combined Appa and Momo -napping is what it takes to get Aang to break his no killing rule. I now know how to defeat the Fire Lord.

The Audacity. Going to Ba-Sing- however the hell that's spelled. The sheer audacity. But then what? What's the plan after they get there? Just live the rest of their lives?

Rejected Mortal Combat guy.

You ever have one of those days where you do only your top lip?

Whoever made that door, and that lock - good job!

Nothing to see here, just making a delivery of two giant planters in the middle of the desert. The Owl decided to spruce up his entryway.

Y'all are fucked. Y'all deserve it. Aang has completely lost control. He's spent the whole episode losing it more and more and now he's gone completely off the rails. Has he ever zipped into the Avatar state that fast before?

Never underestimate the power of a woman who's fed up with everyone's nonsense. Just so fed up.

Well that was sad.

Badass name of the day: Malachi Throne, voice of a character whose name I don't recognise.

Final Thoughts

This was Katara's episode. I'm not going to forgive not getting Appa back, but Katara actually keeping a level head for once was an unexpected delight.

This episode was pretty unrelentingly heavy in the A-plot, which is why I don't understand why Sokka and Momo tripping worked so well. It did work, and I very much enjoyed it, but it should have stuck out like a sore thumb and it didn't. The beat up Sokka quota fulfillled from within by chemicals was a nice creative touch.

I am very happy to see Iroh take the wheel, although I'm not convinced there's a long term plan here beyond get food and shelter. Which, fair enough, goals tend to be short term and immediate when you're in dire straits.

This episode really stomped all over Aang. And then stomped some more. I was surprised how negative and shouty he was at the beginning, but by the end I was surprised how long it took him to lose it. Apart from his staff and his clothes, Appa really is all he has left from before he got frozen. That sandbender punk was rotten to the core.

So I guess we're going to the earth kingdom capital regardless of the eclipse information. Is the rest of the season going to be getting there? I also can't help but notice that it's where Iroh and Zuko are headed as well. Zuko could actively run in the direction opposite to the Avatar and he'd still end up tripping over him. The earth Kingdom is ginormous. And yet, like every two episodes Zuko runs into the Avatar. Is it fate? Is it plot convenience?

I should dislike this episode. It's 24 minutes of our faves getting beat down and not finding Appa, with a b-plot of Zuko being more oblivious than usual. I should dislike it, but I don't. This is definitely going on the rewatch list. It was a very pretty episode, which helped. Beyond that I can't put into words why I liked it, but I did!

[peachymilkandcream]

Break Me Slowly|Part 13| Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: I'm trying to get back in the swing of posting these the same day every week but I've been brainrotting about Afton in the movie, everyone's saying hear me out he's hot and I kinda see it-)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

===============================================

The whole way back to this new place Evelyn was supposed to be staying she was numb. It was no surprise that she was pregnant, Levi had kept her locked away for so long filled with cum she should have been expecting this. But nothing could have prepared her for this, nothing could have helped her cope with the idea she was carrying his child, the awful, disgusting man's child.

"You doing okay..?" Reiner's voice had come out of nowhere.

"How can I be...I just got told I'm carrying my abuser's child..."

"You could get rid of it..?" He offers weakly.

She shakes her head. "I can't do that, this child didn't commit any crime against me, I couldn't think to do that." She hoped she sounded convincing, the real reason was of course Levi finding her, even if she did it now, he'd know.

"Sorry, stupid idea." Poor sweet Reiner, he was trying his very hardest to be supportive and comforting, she should be a bit nicer to him, after all he was sticking his neck out for her, if only knew how pointless that was.

"Thanks for everything by the way, I know you didn't have to do this."

Now he perks up, since her discovery she had barely said two words to him. "Hey don't sweat it. It's the least I could do after all the shit he put you through." Clearly he was uncomfortable talking about Levi, and she couldn't really blame him, it wasn't exactly a sweet subject.

"Hey Reiner?" She ventured.

"Yeah what's up?"

"We were friends, I know it's awkward, but we're on the same side now, right? Can we go back to how things were before all that?"

"Oh yeah, of course, sorry I'm making this weird."

"No it's okay, I'm the weird one." Her ears were burning from how tense and forced their conversations sounded, silence was better for now.

So they continued on, until they stood outside, staring at each other a moment before he opens the door.

"So you live alone?"

"Not exactly-"

Before Evelyn can ask a clarifying question an older woman is waiting at the door, arms crossed and deeply annoyed.

"Hey mom-"

==============================================

"You look terrible Levi." Erwin broke Levi out of his head of thoughts.

His head raised out of his hands to look up at his Commander, his eyes burning from lack of sleep. "Thanks Erwin you know I value your opinion so highly."

"What happened to you? People are asking questions." He covers his nose. "And you've been drinking."

"No shit." He rakes his hands through his unruly hair. "I didn't think it would be so hard to live without her."

"You can't be serious. This temper tantrum, is because your wife isn't on your beck and call right now?"

"I can't help it, I can'y sleep or function without her."

"If you had upheld your end of the deal and gotten her pregnant this would've never happened. Plus there's Eren, if you had kept him in line he never would've left and we wouldn't have had to send anyone after him."

Levi chooses not to address that one. "Who's asking questions?"

"A few low rank soldiers, but Hange especially."

Levi curses under his breath, that was the last person he needed poking around. Hange knew him, Evelyn, and Erwin better than they knew themselves. While she could be a bit dense sometimes, she'd know if something was wrong.

"What did you say?"

"Well she knows the situation with Eren, but I told her that Evelyn has been gone because she had a nervous breakdown when she found out about Marley's threats. Therefore if Evelyn ever tells Hange the truth she won't believe her. Damage control."

Levi sighs with relief. "Thank you Erwin. I owe you."

"Oh yes you do. I gave you your wife, don't waste it by being a drunken fool. If you're the lonely go find a prostitute or something, I need you back to how you were so when the time comes to go get them you're perky."

"Despite everything I'm a faithful man." He sneers.

"If that continues to affect your work I'll order you to go sleep with someone. What about that Petra Ral? Your assistant? She'd be willing at any moment."

Levi thought of Erwin's suggestion, but Petra wasn't that much to look at, and no one could get him going like his wife could. Ultimately, he rolls his eyes. "Whatever you say Commander."

Erwin points at him. "Get it together, I'm serious. Sleep, get laid, loose the alcohol, whatever it takes. I need you." He leaves before Levi has a chance to stand and salute, almost colliding with Petra.

"Oh C-Commander." She was slightly startled to see him here of all places, sure Levi was his direct subordinate, but he still rarely visited him since the wedding, she hoped it was because he didn't approve of it. Just like he had approved of the idea of Levi having an affair with her, which in and of itself sent goosebumps all over her.

"Petra." He says in greeting, trying to brush past her.

"Wait uhm, sir, could I talk to you a minute." She asks innocently, Levi rarely gave her any information on his marriage, maybe she could squeeze Erwin for the details.

"Of course." He walks a ways with her. "What do you want to talk about?"

"It's...Captain Levi, he's been acting so strange, and usually he opens up to me, but.." She wills tears into her eyes. "He isn't, and I'm worried for him.."

Erwin pauses for a moment. "Levi is just taking it hard that Evelyn is on a mission without him right now. He'll get his act together soon I'm sure, loneliness was something he always had a hard time dealing with."

Warmth fills her, Evelyn was out of the way for who knew how long, perfect for her to swoop up poor lonely, and perhaps drunk Levi. Maybe now she could seduce him and then he'd compare the two and find Evelyn lacking.

"Oh I see, I'll try and lift his spirits Commander." She salutes. "Thank you."

"Of course Soldier." Erwin simply walks away, not giving her large grin a second thought.

Once he was out of sight Petra ran to her barracks, digging out anything remotely sexy to put on. She came across the lingerie she had bought when she made up her mind who the man of her dreams was. She hadn't worn it and wanted Levi to tear it off in a moment of passion.

Over top of that was a lace red dress that made it look like she had cleavage. She cursed Evelyn's larger chest but figured that Levi was to refined to care too much about things like that. Her hair was teased into a small clip on the back of her head, an easy access to hickeys. She wanted everyone to know she had given her virginity to the most perfect man alive.

With a last application of bright red lipstick she pictured the red rim around the base of his dick, she knew Evelyn couldn't deep throat him like she would, in that she'd be better. In her opinion she looked hotter than that whore, and she thought Levi would think so too. Tan high heels completed the outfit, with a final look she blew a kiss at the mirror and headed out.

With a shaking hand she knocked on his office door, most everyone had gone home or to bed by now, but she saw the light at the bottom of his door. Without a wife to go home to right now he was dedicating himself to work, as he always pushed himself too hard when no one stopped him.

"Come in."

Now was the time, now her dreams would come true, everything she had hoped for was finally happening. The door swung open with a tiny squeak, getting his attention. His head was buried in his hands, bottle of liquor open with a shot glass in front of him, and he might have even been crying.

"Petra? Why are you dressed like that?" He seems confused before his eyes widen. "Petra-"

[gojonanami]

lmaooo I’m starting to feel bad for prof geto — also it’s funny because there was so many people who were just doubled down on prof geto and now everyone is like yuta 💕🥹 which I’m glad for!! lmao you make fair points — I mean the point is for it to be a mistake! But it’s also understandable to try something even if it doesn’t ultimately work out — because you really don’t know until you try. he also has a lot more work because the last dept head fucked things up but honestly poor yuta is caught in the crossfire of this situation — he will have his own happy ending though 🥹💕

Look, I want to defend Professor Geto.

I think Professor Geto's actions make sense. They do. And I think this chapter prevents Professor Geto from turning into a Gary Stu.

It's hard to maintain a long-term relationship, and it is not the same as having a relationship in person. It is not. Having a video call with someone over dinner is not the same thing as seeing them in person. There is a reason why the people you're closest to physically and geographically end up being your closest friends. For instance, one of my friends from school who I was not that close to but still friends with ended up becoming one of my best friends because we attended the same university. And another friend of mine I now barely talk to because we live continents and time zones away and because the rhythms of our lives are so different and we are now out of sync. It didn't happen because I didn't want to be friends with her, but simply because ten to fifteen minute calls could never equate to meeting up with someone in person every day and sending hours talking to them or just being in their presence. I am getting off track now, I know, but the point still stands: given that long-term relationships are not the same thing as having a relationship in person, and given that you love that person and want them to experience the maximum amount of happiness possible, if it comes at the cost of your own unhappiness, does that not make sense?

Yuta is a new character that we don't have an established relationship with. Fine, he is nice, I will concede. And he is nice to her. But to play the devil's advocate, he seizes upon the opportunity of her having a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend. He pays attention to her phone calls, subtly presses her about her boyfriend, and positions himself in her life in such a way as to function as a quasi-replacement for her boyfriend. For her birthday, he does not offer to throw her a birthday party with the Student Committee or ask her about her family or her friends. Instead, he wants her to spend the day with him and with him only, and while that is not strictly stated, such a reading can still be read into and made (I don't have the time to isolate sections of the text currently).

Coming back to Professor Geto, though. Professor Geto is young, smart, accomplished, and handsome, with phenomenal career growth. Despite his young age, he is successful. He is influential. He has published countless articles and books, given lectures, travelled to conferences and other universities, and functioned as a poster boy for both the university he was employed at and for the field of ethics at large, which is in desperate need of such poster boys to attract interest and even students. While it is not explicitly stated (perhaps for reasons of my selfishness), I am assuming that he works at a very, very good university, too. He is a fantastic man! A Prince Charming embodied and reinvented for our age and for the female gaze. Now, for such a character to exist, he has to have at least some flaws, no? And procrastination is believable. Look, I am using the term procrastination because, in his behaviour, I can recognise a pattern that is manifest in me and some of the people around me. Social relationships are tough to maintain sometimes, even with the people you love more than anything, and work is often all-consuming (especially for someone like Professor Geto). Sometimes, stress eats away at you and worms into your mind, and you feel an urge to delay, procrastinate, focus on something else, stare, and debate, and this just causes more and more time to pass. Once a specific socially accepted passage of time for replying has passed, you almost feel like you can't send a message at that point, as you've been an utter imbecile for failing to do so beforehand. And if you're working in the field of ethics, it may bring with it a certain sense of indecisiveness (or, perhaps, it attracts personalities who tend to overthink – a double-edged sword of sorts). What is the best outcome in a situation that does not favour you? What do you owe to yourself and to others? Is what you owe yourself more important than what you owe others? What does it mean to have a happy life? Is having a successful career more rewarding than having a successful relationship? Is it fair to calculate the chance that if one is an attractive character with an amiable character, they will be able to find a sustaining relationship for them later down the line, while in the world of work, age does play a part and employers spend time looking at employment history and any potential gaps? Adding to that, is there a point in snatching career opportunities, and should they come at the cost of personal happiness? And speaking from personal experience, sometimes, it feels like delaying, and not sleeping to the point of utter exhaustion will alleviate the situation as it reduces you to a state of numbness. If you're a perfectionist, too, crafting the perfect response or apology can be a horribly difficult task, and while I am lucky that my sister entertains my twenty messages of 'Does this email sound okay?' Not everyone has that, and unfortunately, as you age, due to social perceptions/constructions/deviations in schedules/etc., you find yourself having less and less people to whom you can write fifty messages regarding a situation like 'Did I misunderstand this message?' or 'If she just replied using an emoji, does that mean that she doesn't like me as much as a friend anymore?'

I think the way Professor Geto acted makes sense. Just because he thought that he was behaving according to a mindset wherein he prioritised the future and the minimisation of pain for his partner does not necessarily equate to him being a bad partner.

And the infatuation with Yuta is, in part, due to: 1) recency bias; 2) the fact that we haven't seen as much of his character, psychology, or weaknesses (which is fine; he's a side character; not every character in a series, novel, or whatever will get the same treatment); and 3) his presentation and manifestation of the self in the world in which he manufactures an image of himself that is favourable in part to curry favour with the woman he is attracted to.

I would just like to add that I do not think that Yuta is a 'bad guy'. I just think that his character can be read in more complex ways, as can Professor Geto's.

I firmly believe that with the way in which this series is unfolding, an ending wherein Professor Geto gets back together with his girl narratively makes sense.

Also, other points to consider are: 1) She sought out Yuta's presence as a replacement for Professor Geto, and in her mind, considering the connection and sheer attraction that she harbours for Professor Geto, Yuta will inevitably be compared to Professor Geto in almost every way; 2) Relationships manifest in different ways, and in the case of our protagonist, in my reading of her, for her, it is not just the spiritual, soulmate-like, friendship-level connection that is important, but also the element of intense attraction, too. She did not feel that with Yuta. She did not feel this overwhelming, intense, possessing, all-consuming, delightful, and powerful connection, attraction, and pull towards Yuta. Rather, it was a feeling of comfort and, in some sense, convenience, a recognition of him harbouring affections towards her and that being a convenient outlet for distracting herself from her lingering (and still very powerful) feelings for Professor Geto. As a reference, I would like to draw attention to the beginning of the chapter, when she is trying to find a way of occupying herself by joining the Student Union; her entering a relationship with Yuta could be considered in a similar light.

Overall, then, I would like to strongly emphasise that there is a strong case to be made for the overseeing of narrative progression in such a way that it guarantees Professor Geto reuniting with his girl.

okay this is amazing and I have no notes 💯

I really did have this chapter to prevent prof geto from becoming too perfect — he needs to make mistakes and he needs to have flaws, otherwise he’s just too good and no one is like that.

yuta truly does have reader’s best interests at heart — but is he taking advantage? A little bit — he is putting himself there in a position where he and reader could be taken advantage of by the other. but we’ll see that all unfold in part five.

narratively, it is correct that reader and prof geto end up together and they are supposed to!! that’s the point. this is a period for them to realize what their lives are like without the other after experiencing what is it like to be together 🥹💕

[ghost-proofbaby]

Hi again. I am doing okay despite the circumstances. A lot of drama went down the past month and my mental health really took a hit but I'm starting to bounce back slowly. I had a really rough few weeks after seeing him at his housewarming party and didn't go to work for a whole week bc I could barely function. Then my mom has the bright idea to send him a very scathing message a few weeks later and while I appreciate her having my back, she just doesn't understand what boundaries are and that I didn't want her to do that. Then I told him off for going to a bunch of concerts and stuff even though one of his reasons for breaking up with me was not being able to financially handle a relationship while he went through everything. So he blamed being distant with me on the message from my mom and while I probably wouldn't want to talk to somebody if their mom sent me that message, I'm tired of everyone leaving me bc of her. I told him that and we haven't talked for a week. 😃 I'm trying to focus on myself and get into college and hopefully meet new people and not let my mom push them away. Yesterday I went on a solo shopping trip and it kind of helped my mood to buy some stupid stuff just for myself to bring myself some joy. And I bought myself a Lego set and I built it all by myself which was hard and healing all at the same time bc I always built Legos with him. Who knew little plastic bricks could bring up so many emotions?

oh, love.

first of all. i am so so sorry i’m seeing this days late.

second of all, as someone in a very similar situation in regards to the mom factor of it all — i get it. i think the important thing to remember is that other people’s actions do not define us, and the people who matter or care enough about us are going to recognize that. your mother’s actions are not your own; you can’t control her, you cant babysit/stop her from getting involved as she has, and he should know all of this. especially if he cared enough to get to know you, understand you, so on and so forth. it’s super exhausting, and it definitely makes making new friends extremely difficult sometimes. but i think the people meant to stick around are going to see past it all. gonna realize you aren’t your mother, and would rather help you set boundaries rather than just shut you out for what she’s said or done.

i hope you continue to focus on yourself, my dear. the lego building sounds like a really good healing exercise in all honesty! don’t let people ruin things for you has to be my top advice in life ever. there’s so many bands/songs/musicians i struggle to listen to, so many places i won’t even go anymore, even a decade later. and that’s unfair to us — life keeps moving. if he can move on and do all that, you most certainly can.

sending you all the hugs and love and good/healing vibes right now <3

[daddyd0nt]

Its weird how almost all my friends grew up in the special ed system but I grew up in the gifted system even though we function on the same level. Like I was given almost 3 hours of reading a day (DEAR time, a resource room type program where they pulled me from the class to read for an hour during crafts and every other gym class, and most recesses I read by choice) and I was also pulled from history class to do the advanced history class in a trailer with this terrifying elderly man who I think was a veteran or something who taught us about the Rape of Nanking and unit 731 in 3rd grade meanwhile all my friends had like aides and resource room and special needs classes and like Im not any smarter than them they were kept from their full potential by the special ed system and I had my needs ignored as a "gifted" child.

Like we former gifted kids are not mad that the "real world" doesn't treat us special we are mad that they didnt diagnose our autism until our 20s when it started to fuck with our grades in college playing catchup trying to get services that have been waiting for my friends since before puberty that Im now scrambling to get in place as an adult.

Like I said Im not smarter than them AT ALL but they barely got an education and it is so unfair. Like Luke actually LIKES the classics he could have gotten an English degree just as easily as I could if not easier he would have thrived in college and instead he was locked up in a group home how many brilliant minds are being wasted in group homes because they couldnt sit still in 1st grade.

I wasn't "gifted" I was autistic and terrified of authority because I was growing up in a scary home thats the only reason my behavioral problems didn't come out until middle school.

Im also bitter at how the school treated me like a cash cow, constantly pulling me out of class to write papers for competitions to get funding or get a new library or some other bullshit that I saw no benefit for but thousands if not hundreds of thousands of dollars were gathered for that school on the back of my writing.

[myatuesday]

[I'll post the context at the end]

As someone who is having a hard time connecting with other people and who lives an extremely solitary life, which others either criticize or try to coax me out of, I find takes like these (below) extremely confusing and/or misguided.

But is it just me? Like...

Ok. If this is the case, why the fuck do we need other people? I could argue that we don't. Yet people INSIST that we do. Ok. Then... how does that not contradict with this women's take? I don't get it.

This was my response:

"We don't have friends, lovers, nor choose to interact w family members all to just grey rock eachother. I understand the point you're trying to make, but there's a reason that relationships require the effort of *both* parties. Otherwise, we could literally all just live in solitary confinement for our entire lives. How do we connect with someone who isn't meeting our needs? We don't. And that's why relationships fail. Again, even the healthiest most internally fulfilled person has emotional requirements of a partner. Otherwise, wtf is the point? Just to have someone to split the mortage with? They still need to treat you decently and live in a cycle of reciprocity if you're sharing a roof. I feel like you're equating being an emotional vampire w having basic needs met. There's a sizeable disparity between the two. I find it hard to believe that you don't ever need a hug or words of encouragement or appreciation from the people in your life. Or that you don't provide those for others. That's literally the point of relationships. Support. Which requires reciprocity in order to function and be healthy for both parties."

Now (though I didn't explicitly state it) this is concerning how interactions should be within a relationship. Moreso than it's addressing if relationships should exist at all (though I did touch on that).

Idk if it's me or other people. Idk if this is a ND thing. Or an introvert thing. Or what.

But I don't get how we're supposed to fulfill our every need (not that I feel we shouldn't - just hear me out), yet... we "need" relationships w other people?

That makes no sense to me.

If all our needs are fulfilled, we don't need anyone else.

I just don't get it.

_

Context is: This was a discussion in this dating group I'm in (that I honestly hate). A friend of a guy (this is a women's group) was discussing how her male friend didn't feel appreciated in his last relationship.

Another woman said he needed therapy to work through his unmet childhood trauma or some shit like that (I thought it was rude and misguided, in this particular instance).

So I said,

"We all deserve to have our needs met in our relationships though. A range of very basic needs exist, regardless of our childhood or how much therapy we've had. And there are plenty of people out there, with their own issues, unequipped or uninterested in meeting those needs. That doesn't make the person wanting the bare minimum (heaven forbid) the broken one. Stop assuming the worst in people and pathologizing the human experience."

Now since this exchange happened, based on her last comment (which occurred after I already starting posting this), I realize part of this issue is we just have a different POV of the guy being discussed.

But seeing as I'm just looking at the whole thing in a general sense, this was my response.

"I get that. I think we just have a different POV on this guy having issues vs maybe him actually having a shitty partner and his issues in that relationship being completely valid.

If we have a partner for the sole purpose of them validating us, that's a problem. But at the same time, a loving partner should be validating us. Does that make sense? That's more my point. And if they aren't, regardless of how much validation we already feel within ourselves, having a partner who isn't also validating, imo, isn't a healthy partner. Therefore wanting to leave that relationship for a more validating partner makes sense to me. You also could opt to not date, sure. But wanting a partner who validates you, vs not wanting one who doesn't, doesn't mean you're dating for the sole purpose of being validated. That's my take away from the issue this guy was having. But that's just my POV."

_

My aforementioned (original) questions/issues still exist though. I feel like there's definitely a conflict btwn the concept of "fullfill yourself" but also "YOU NEED RELATIONSHIPS SO SURVIVE".

Which one is it?

And if it's both, explain how.

I agree we need to fulfill ourselves. But it's the latter I find confusing. As in, if we've done that, why do we need anyone else? Feels kindof superfluous if not co-dependent for literally no reason.

[heliads]

Hello <3 i love your writing and your stories, I was wondering if I could make a request for Newt from Maze runner? My idea is that Newt and Reader don't exactly get along, for some reason they are always having some lighthearted discussions and disagreements, but deep down they care about each other, however they do think that one hates the other. Until one day they get stuck together alone for some reason and share a moment, Newt asks why she hates him and she doesn't really know how to answer, and maybe Newt kisses her or something, but she pushes him away because of the surprise. Newt gets sad, like really, because he thought that deep down she didn't actually hated him... Until she comes to make things right and comforts him <3

hrmmm

masterlist

Newt is thinking again. Thinking about her.

This isn’t nearly as rare an occurrence as he would like; although Newt is kept busy day and day out, practically wearing his feet down to the bone from all the times he has to keep racing across the Glade to sort out yet another problem, he somehow always finds the space of mind to keep one person in his head, and one person only:  Y/N.

He shouldn’t be as hopeless as he is. If you face the facts, and Newt would like to clarify that he does try to do that as often as possible, despite all evidence to the contrary, there should be nothing special about his relationship with Y/N. In fact, there isn’t much of a relationship at all. They are both in the same Glade together, yes, both bound by those same desolate stone walls, but they have nothing more in common. 

They don’t talk much, they don’t even do much more than that same awkward half-wave across the grassy fields whenever they have to see each other. By all accounts, Newt should think of her as rarely as he does Aidan or Carl or any of the other boys who have faded into obscurity in the back of Newt’s mind as soon as a few months passed after their arrival to the Glade.

This, however, is not the case. Despite the fact that they almost never spend time together, despite the fact that Y/N seems to be perfectly fine treating Newt as if he were yet another grass or stone to be ignored, he cannot return the favor. Every bone in Newt’s body seems to be attuned to her, and he could sooner forget about the Maze itself than go a day without turning her name over and over in his mind.

It’s not a healthy habit to have, and Newt knows it. If he were smart, he would stop with this infatuation, and either actually talk to her for once or drop the matter entirely. It would be the easiest thing in the world to just end this pointless addiction. Despite the forced proximity of the Glade, Newt has done it countless times with other friends who’d once been like brothers to him and are now nothing more than has-beens, past memories of inside jokes that have long since been forgotten.

He could leave her be, or so he claims. In truth, Newt knows that there’s no way that he could ever really let go of Y/N so quickly. The problem, of course, is that he’s not in this alone. Y/N exists outside of his conscious control, and in all of her free will, she’s decided to hate him.

That’s the worst part of this, Newt decides. It would be one thing if she were merely apathetic towards him and Newt could force himself to realize that it was all in his head, but no. He doesn’t know quite how to put a finger on the matter, but Y/N definitely doesn’t like him. 

When she first arrived at the Glade, Newt would keep coming up to her with a question or a favor to ask or something, anything, but every time she would turn him away. All he would ever get from her was a cold shoulder or a few muttered words’ worth of a functional response. She gave him the bare minimum time after time, and eventually he stopped trying at all.

Now, they regard each other across the expanse of Newt’s known life, all of their interactions hemmed in by the walls of the Maze. Y/N is no longer quite so harsh as she’d been in the beginning, but they’re definitely not friends.

In truth, Newt doesn’t know if it would be better or worse if they were more than this stilted silence. He doesn’t know why he had to go and fall in love with her of all people, the one Glader here who actively hates him, but it’s not like he can do anything about it now. Still, perhaps the crush would hurt even worse if they were closer. Would a forced closeness make his heart ache a duller tune than it does now, or would it turn his bruised feelings into a new sort of death?

In the end, Newt supposes that he’ll never know. All he has is this world, the one in which Y/N barely tolerates him on good days, and it’s not like he can do anything to change that. This has been Newt’s core tenet throughout his entire existence in the Glade, after all. No matter what happens, you grin and bear it. There’s no point in imagining a better, brighter life for yourself, all that does is make your current situation seem even worse than before.

So, Newt buries his feelings yet again, and decides to distract himself with Gally and Dan, two Builders who are trying their hand at finishing yet another new project. Newt isn’t sure why, but the guys seem convinced that what the Glade needs most is a jail. Sure, in the months that boys started appearing within the confines of the Walls there have been a few fights, but surely building an actual penitentiary is a waste of their resources.

Alby, however, seems to think they need it, so the Builders are hard at work. Alby’s been tougher on all of them, especially because in a couple weeks they’ll reach the six months mark of the first boy’s arrival in the Glade. The reality that it may take a long time to escape from this godless Maze, if they ever do, is weighing heavily on everyone, and Alby is no exception.

Thus, when Alby asks Newt to help out with the production of the jail cells, Newt obliges without a single complaint. The last thing Alby needs is someone arguing with him, not when tensions are already so high.

That being said, Newt would much rather supervise the building than actively participate. However, Gally seems to have an eye for when people are suffering, and he asks Newt if he can jump down into the rudimentary cell and see how strong the bars are. Hypothetically, the plan for the so-called Slammer is a concrete cell half-buried in the ground, with an intricate web of bars locking the exit out. Gally needs to make sure the cell won’t be escaped easily, so he’s volunteered Newt to be his jailbreak test subject. Fantastic.

Newt lets himself down into the concrete cube, then squints up at Gally and Dan through the bars. He flashes the two Builders a thumbs up, and they start to lay the mass of tied bars in place. Distantly, Newt wonders how Gally is able to construct a jail so well. Perhaps he’s spent some time in a holding cell of his own before all of this. Newt could definitely picture the guy in cartoon classic handcuffs, after committing some no doubt terrible crime. Maybe murder.

Newt certainly wants to murder Gally after the sun starts to scorch him due to so much time spent standing still. He feels like an ant trapped beneath a giant magnifying glass, and he retreats to the edges of the cell so the shadows can save him from cooking quite so much.

His terrible mood only worsens when Gally calls for someone else to jump down on the opposite side so they can have multiple points of view. Of course, just his luck, Newt’s fellow prisoner is Y/N. They’re sure to have marvelous conversations about how much they can’t stand each other, even if it’s only true for one of them.

At last, Gally takes a step back and looks upon his work with satisfaction. “Alright, you shanks can come out now. I think we’re done here. Seems solid enough to me.”

Newt reaches up to shake the bars. “In case you forgot, Gally, you’re going to have to let us out. You locked us in here, remember?”

Gally’s face flushes a disturbing purple and he sets forward to undo the lock. Newt watches as the Builder’s hand casually reaches for his front pocket so he can get the key, but the fingers come up clutching nothing but air.

“Everything alright?” Newt asks, trying not to sound too alarmed. “You do have the key, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Gally blusters, but despite rummaging around in his pockets for a while longer he still comes up with nothing.

Eventually, the guy has to admit that he must have misplaced it. Newt fights the urge to groan with irritation. It would be just like Gally to leave him in here for a while, wouldn’t it?

“Sit tight,” Gally orders, “I’ll get one of the Builders to make us a new key. Hey, this is just extra proof that the cell works, right?”

He disappears before Newt can do something tempting, like launch a chunk of concrete at the other boy’s head. Newt watches him go, then slowly turns around to face the other occupant of the cell with the air of a gladiator watching a lion approach him, paws and jowls bloody. He forgot about that part in all the kerfuffle, but he’s still locked in a very small cell with Y/N, someone who pretty much wants him dead. This day just keeps getting better and better.

“Well,” he tries for a smile, “Looks like we’ll be in here for a while.”

Y/N nods slowly. “He’d better find that key fast, or I’m going to have some words with him.”

Her expression is so severe that Newt finds himself chuckling. “Sorry,” he apologizes immediately, “It’s just, well, I don’t know that Gally has ever really responded well to words. They kind of fly right over his head.”

To his surprise, she cracks a smile. “Well, it’s either my words or one of Frypan’s knives, and I think Alby would like it better if I didn’t immediately land myself back in this cell for attempted murder.”

Newt shakes his head solemnly. “He wouldn’t have to know. I wouldn’t rat you out, we’d be conspirators.”

Y/N smiles at that. “Sounds good to me. I’ll make the kill, you hide the body?”

“I’ll bury him in the Track-Hoe plots,” Newt ventures, “None of them do enough work to ever find him.”

“Better yet,” Y/N counters, “Throw him down the Box Hole. That way we can act surprised if his body ever returns.”

Newt grimaces. “I don’t like how easily you came up with that. Have you been plotting Gally’s death for a while now?”

Y/N laughs. “Who hasn’t?”

She’s got him there, and Newt admits as much. He lets himself really treasure this moment, the two of them smiling in the golden sunlight. Truth be told, Newt never thought he’d be able to have such a simple and pure moment with her. For once, Y/N isn’t trying to avoid him or anything like that, they’re just enjoying each other’s company. It’s so easy to do that Newt wonders why they’ve never been able to manage it before.

The words tumble out of him before Newt can stop himself. “Why do you hate me?”

Y/N stares at him, evidently bewildered by the sudden change in conversation. Newt hurries to explain himself, or perhaps just dig himself into an even deeper hole.

“I mean, we’ve never really talked like this. I tried a few months ago, but you’d always walk away or reject me. No one else has such a strong reaction to me, but you do. Why?”

Y/N swallows hard, then looks away. “I don’t know,” she says softly, but Newt gets the feeling that isn’t quite true.

He walks closer to her, forcing her to look at him. “Really,” he says, “I just want to know. I want to know what I can do to have days like this happen more often.”

Newt’s eyes flicker to her lips before he knows what he’s doing. Y/N realizes it too, but instead of backing away, she leans infinitesimally closer. It’s all his perilous heart needs to convince him to close the distance between them and kiss her.

She jerks away immediately, and Newt could throw himself into the Box Hole in his anger. What was he thinking? They were barely talking, and he thinks he gets the right to kiss her.

“I’m really sorry,” he begins, but Y/N starts talking over him.

“Wait–it’s not–” 

She takes a deep breath to try and control herself, but in the meantime Newt’s mind is racing at a thousand thoughts a second. Some part of him hadn’t truly believed she hated him, but even if she was feeling neutrally about him before, she’ll really hate him now. Why would he kiss her? Sure, Newt has been wanting to do such a thing for a long time, but he’d never slip up like this. What is it about these close quarters, the lack of prying eyes, that makes him want her and nothing else?

Y/N has started talking again, but Newt barely hears the first few sentences. He starts to calm down after a while longer, though. Something about listening to her makes his breathing slow, his temper even.

“It’s not what you think, Newt,” she says, “I don’t hate you. I never have.”

Newt laughs sardonically. “Well, you have a fine way of showing it.”

Y/N sighs. “I know, and you have every right to be mad at me. I haven’t been mad at you, Newt, I’ve been afraid. Afraid that if I talked to you half as much as I wanted to, or let myself smile with you like this, you would realize it.”

Newt’s breathing is shallow. “Realize what?”

Her voice is quiet, barely audible above the hum of insects in the air around the cell. “That I loved you.”

Newt feels as if the floor beneath his feet has opened up, letting him spiral into empty air. He’s falling, flying, but the only thing keeping him from fully committing to a plunge through the sky is Y/N’s eyes, still locked on his.

“You love me?” He asks, scarcely daring to believe his own words.

She nods once. “It wasn’t hard to fall at first. Everyone likes you, Newt, even if you haven’t realized it. You make people feel important. I knew from the second I saw you that you would wreck my life if I let you. The only problem is that the Glade isn’t somewhere you can lose yourself, so I had to keep my distance so I wouldn’t fall completely into pieces. I never wanted you to think I hated you, I just wanted to do everything I could from losing myself over you.”

Newt stays still even after she finishes speaking, just trying to make all of the pieces of the picture line up again. It finally makes sense, all of it. Her distance, his feelings, how none of them ever went without reciprocation. All along, they’ve both been in love, yet neither of them realized it until now.

Newt reaches his hand up, gently tracing the curve of her cheek. “Does that mean I can kiss you again?”

She blesses him with a quiet smile and a nod. This time, it’s perfect. The sun heats her skin to a blissful fire, gently sparking against his lips until he feels everything and nothing, all at once. Newt would gladly stay there forever, were it not for the fact that he can hear the Builders approaching a few paces away.

Newt grumbles against her lips. “Of course they pick now to actually be productive.”

Y/N laughs, and kisses him one last time before pulling away. “Well, I’m not entirely sure that’s their fault.”

She pulls something out of her pocket with a wink, and Newt sees a brief shine of metal before she tucks it away again.

“Is that the key to the cell?” He asks, stunned.

Y/N grins. “I needed a chance to talk to you, something where I knew for certain that none of your friends would be watching. I couldn’t exactly leave that up to chance, could I?”

Gally is looming overhead now, flinging open the bars with a flourish. Y/N stands up as if nothing could be the matter at all, and Newt watches her with stunned awe. She pulls herself out of the cell, then reaches a hand back down to him.

“Well?” She asks through a smile, “Aren’t you coming?”

At this moment, Newt realizes that he’s in terrible trouble. It’s not good to think that he might follow her anywhere, through any danger, but he would. He’s well and truly lost on her. For once, it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.

tmr tag list: @rogueanschel, @ellobruv, @retvenkos, @neewtmas, @thatfangirl42, @hiya-its-amber, @gods-fools-heroes

[kramaku]

I hate when people say that Bakugou deserves only redemption and not forgiveness for Izuku's bullying. Of course it's Izuku's choice to make, but I'm saying that it wouldn't be undeserved if he's forgiven.

And that for 2 reasons.

(alert manga spoilers)

1. He was very young.

There's one thing that's evident but some people almost deliberately forget it seems: kids under the age of (around) 12/13 can't (or can barely) make their own opinion. If a dad keeps telling his son that women are annoying and useless, the kid will make fun of girls and tell them they're annoying and useless. That without really trying to understand why. A kid is too young to think that far and it's literally a survival instinct. Kids being small and weak, nature made them pretty apathetic. A kid can be kind but in any situation where they feel in danger or unsafe (about their life, happiness or sense of self worth, really anything), they'll run to protect themselves and only themselves without caring about others, maybe step on others on the way too. Of course the human brain being the smartest and most complicated of this universe, some exceptions exist were kids are selfless (Izuku I'm watching you) but it's rare and they need a very special education to end up that way.

So in conclusion, if a kid is mean, says/does horrible things, they're just doing what an adult did, or listening to what an adult told. Everyone kept treating Bakugou like he was superior thanks to his quirk so it's only logical for him to think that way as child, just like everyone treated Izuku like he was inferior so because of Bakugou's self conclusion (because of their bad society) that your quirk is what makes your worth, he was led to look down on Izuku.

Now, that doesn't mean he wasn't an asshole as a kid (he was I hated him the two first seasons lmao) but you can't hold him accountable for his bad actions as a child when even teachers don't say anything when he bullies Izuku in front of everyone, like it wasnt a bad thing to do. You could have held him accountable for his actions if he turned out like Endeavor though. Endeavor was an adult when he abused his family, he had the mental intelligence to know what he was doing was bad and question himself but he was too blind by his will to be the number one hero. Bakugou, though, started to question himself at 15 years old, which is young af. Most insufferable kids I've met back in my younger years are still assholes today in their 20/30s.

He changed his entire way of thinking, that really forged his personality deep btw, and even apologized in just a few months. The most incredible of it all is that he doesn't ask for forgiveness. Even most adults irl ask for forgiveness when they realize their mistake without even thinking about rather or not they deserve it or trying to atone, and even get mad or sulk when they're not forgiven.

Bakugou doesn't think about his own benefits here, he just wants to atone for all the bad things he said and done back as a kid without wanting anything in return, and that, may I repeat myself ladies and gentlemen, as a teenager. He's not even an adult yet.

Just. Bakugou's a good guy that received a terrible education but put himself back on the right track very fast (compared to endeavor who took idk how many decades for example)

2. Izuku isn't traumatized.

Y'all like to use "trauma" at any occasion way too much. A trauma is, by definition, a damage or injury (physical or mental) that results in challenges in functioning or coping normally after the event. I'm not saying Bakugou beating him down, insulting him and humiliating him didn't hurt him- it really did- but none of Bakugou's actions impacted his mental health. He was always a nerd and pretty shy because he didn't have friends and couldn't develop social skills like other kids which made him stutter and be intimidated easily in the first seasons. Izuku would have been the same if Bakugou weren't in his life at all. Unconfident, reserved, feeling worthless.

What traumatized Izuku into thinking he's worthless is the whole society judging people based on their quirks, the fact that his mom apologized to him after he got diagnosed quirkless, implying it was bad, the fact that his classmates looked down on him, but most importantly his own idol telling him that you cant be a hero as a quirkless person. All Might's words hurt him way more than all of Bakugou's bullying, please. Bakugou told him to jump off the roof, he didn't even consider it. Bakugou told him to stop dreaming about being a hero, he never gave up. Bakugou told him not to go to UA, the boy stood on his grounds.

Bakugou never had any long term impact on him, Izuku never cared, meanwhile he was already thinking about a most "realistic" future not even an hour after All might told him to give up.

The only impact Bakugou's bullying had on Izuku was the little fear that Izuku had each time he saw Bakugou at the beginning of the manga, jumping and slightly panicking when Bakugou approached him that's all. Besides, he didn't fear him that much as he didn't hesitate to defend himself multiple times.

(I didn't mention it before bc I forgot but it's so important. Bakugou was ready to give up on his own dream and life to save Izuku. That's all. Admire that precious child.)

so yes, Bakugou hurt him a lot, but did not traumatize Izuku. Can they be friends already please they're each other's everything T_T

[evierena]

The Brothers eavesdropping to MC accidentally confessing their undying love for them. Part 1.

INTRO

MC was having their monthly catch-up call with their best friend in the Human Realm. At first, their friend could not believe the situation MC was living, but after a few calls they had finally come to accept the whole "I was summoned to Hell, but it's called Devildom, and now I have to live with 7 hot demon brothers and they are actually kinda nice" situation (yeah, Levi would be proud of my naming skills). Anyhow, during this specific call MC was filling in their friend with the latest update on their newfound feelings for one of the brothers, not knowing that said brother was actually outside their room, eavesdropping! And then, their friend asks "What is it about him that you love so much?"

What did MC respond? How did that brother react and what did he do with that information? Well, let's see...

Lucifer

- He was doing his nightly rounds, making sure everyone was in their room, and when he passed by your door he caught your laughter and he stopped for a second, just to absorb the sound and allow himself to relax a little. Then, out of the blue, he heard you saying: "I think I'm in love with him".

- Well, that was unexpected. He would never admit to anyone the way his heart skipped a beat for a moment there, and absolutely will never let you know that those simple words could stir such feelings within him.

- And then, with his demon senses, he heard another voice coming from your room. "Why? What is it about Lucifer that you love so much?"

- Now, for him, the world completely stopped moving, he put all of his demon hearing to work and capture every little sound around him, even his heart stopped and his blood froze in his veins to allow more silence around him.

- "He takes so much pride in his family, you know? In his position as the protector of his brothers and as the right hand of Diavolo, at first I thought that was it" you said, unaware of the petrified demon outside your door. "But now, I've come to love not just that. I love all the sides Lucifer has shown me, vulnerable, sick, angry, sad, stressed even murderous. He makes me feel motivated to be better, to strive for more, and I feel so proud knowing he trusts me that much. I just love him"

- After that, Lucifer's heart started beating like crazy in his chest, his blood running rampant through his body, and almost all reason escaped his mind. Almost.

- He managed to compose himself but he couldn't help the smug grin remaining in his face.

- Lucifer went back to his room after hearing your accidental confession, although he couldn't sleep thinking about his next move.

- For the following days he started to ampp up his game. He was always smiling at you, asking you to be by his side a little longer each time, lingering gloveless touches everywhere, he wanted to feel you and for you to feel him.

- You thought you were going crazy for sure, you didn't want to put your hopes up, but you couldn't help the throbbing sensation he provoked everytime he came a little closer a little longer, the flirty remarks, the intense stare and the knowing smile everytime you met his ruby gaze.

- So, finally, you went to his room in the night, determined to confess. And before all the courage you managed to gather escaped, you didn't even wait for him to completely open his door before spilling your heart out.

- "Lucifer, I'm in love with you!" you said closing your eyes, afraid of his reaction.

- But he lifted your chin to face him properly and you were welcomed with a smug smile and "I know" from his lips before he stole your breath in a deep heated kiss.

- In conclusion; after knowing you loved him, Lucifer intoxicated your mind with him until you confessed directly, so he could rely his own feelings to you.

Mammon

- It's a bad habit of his to just barge into your room without announcing himself, however, after so many times of you begging for him to just say something before entering, he finally remembered.

- So, he stopped himself on his tracks before doing exactly that, and that was all it took for him to hear your conversation with your best friend.

- "You are a moronsexual, I'm telling you"

- The heck is that?

- Mammon was completely confused, who was a moronsexual? What is a moronsexual? Is that something he could sell? Now, he is interested and waiting for your answer.

- "Shut it, don't call him a moron, 'kay? Besides, I don't see any problem with being in love with Mammon"

- Whoa, whaaaat? Who is in love with Mammon?... Wait, no, Who wouldn't be in love with THE Great Mammon, right?

- Mammon pressed his ear against your door, thinking he could hear better that way, but really it just suffocated the noise, and then he remembered he could just tuned his hearing. He was also beet red by that moment, internally thanking that none of his brothers could see him like that, he would never hear the end of it.

- "But, really MC, what do you love about Mammon?"

- Mammon catched his breath abruptly, remaining as still as possible.

- "Well, I love him because he's Mammon, and that means that I'll never be bored with him, and that he'll always be there for me when I need him, that I can trust him with my soul and he would never let me down. I love him because he is so generous even when he pretends he isn't, he is so sweet and cute but also really cool, and he is a total tsundere but he has opened himself to me, and everything about him is so complex and simple at the same time, I just... I love Mammon"

- You, my sweet MC, have officially broke Mammon.

- All of his blood was in his face, his heart was going rampant, his mind absorbed your words but couldn't understand what they meant, he was both ecstatic and terrified.

- And since he stopped functioning, he didn't realize you were walking towards the door until you opened up to stumble upon a teary eyed, flushed and very embarrassed Avatar of Greed.

- You knew he listened, there was no other motive to his state.

- Mammon stared at you intensely, deeply and loving and your face blushed as furiously as his. You finished the call with your best friend in stuttered, barely comprehensible words, and started fidgeting under Mammon's gaze.

- "Mammie?"

- You see, his brain wasn't aware that he was staring at you like that, he was just marvelling at how beautiful and precious you were. He was remembering all of your conversations; the way you always stood up for him, how you were always smiling at him, and that you never degraded him at all. And when you said his name he snapped back to reality.

- Then, in a both usual and unusual Mammon way, he launched himself at your arms in a very tight hug. Like you were his lifeline, and let's be honest, maybe you were, but he was yours just as much.

- "I love ya' MC" he muttered next to your ears, causing you to hold onto him even more.

- "I love you more, Mammie"

- "Nah, I love ya' much much more"

- And now you were in a duel to see who loved the other more, that eventually led to admit that you both loved each other and that was enough.

- You both spend that night in your bed, simply enjoying the other's warmth, pouring your love to your heart's content.

- And if you ever think that he will be separated from you ever again, you are terribly mistaken.

- Not that you minded, tho.

- In conclusion; Mammon would not wait another second away from you after hearing that you also love him as much as he loves you.

Leviathan

- Boy was going over to your room, to invite you play a new game he had just bought. As always, he had to take a second before knocking on your door to convince himself he wasn't being annoying.

- Then he listened to your rambling.

- "I feel so lightheaded when I'm with him, and I can't stop replaying everything on my mind when I'm alone, and I'm afraid he'll notice and be weirded out that a normie like me is head over heels for him"

- OMFF (oh my f***** father) what is this?? Is this like that time in "I accidentally eavesdropped on my normie best friend and discovered they're in love with me, how can I confess to them without being creepy?" (Ok, Levi would not be proud of my naming skills) no, no, no, waaaait, this could not be possibly be about him. Oh, no, you couldn't have possibly fallen for a yucky Otaku shut-in like him, there's no way... Right?

- "So, tell me, MC, what is it about this Leviathan that you love so much?"

- He was already sweating and trembling, but his heart definitely stopped for a concerning amount of time. If he wasn't a demon, he would most likely had already passed out right there and then.

- "I love how passionate he is, and how he always respects my privacy and he waits until I'm ready to talk, he doesn't pressure me into nothing, he gives me my space, I love how he can talk about what he likes so earnestly. I love that sparkle in his eyes when he's winning a difficult game and his razor focus when he is being really challenged by something. I feel so happy with Levi and I just want to make him see himself through my eyes so he could just stop belittle himself".

- Leviathan.exe has died. That's it.

- He literally passed out the moment those words came out of your mouth, so you heard a loud thud right outside and you found Levi face first on the floor.

- Nervousness is short to what you felt during the agonizing time he took to actually give any signs of being alive.

- When Levi woke up he didn't understand why was he laying in the floor of your room, but the moment his memories came flooding back he stand up and try to run away, his face a blushing mess.

- And as much as you wanted to stop him and apologize, you let him go, because he was clearly not ready for that conversation.

- So, a week passed and everyday you tried to contact him to no avail. Until you were finally done with playing hide and seek, you marched firmly (only in your mind 'coz you were shaking like a leaf) to his room and practically forced yourself in.

- The conversation went as you would think, stuttering, muttering, blushing messes both of you while confessing face to face your feelings for the other.

- And finally, after reassuring him, that yes, this is real, and yes you do love him, him, Leviathan, Avatar of Envy, not one of his brothers or anyone else but just HIM, he accepted your love.

- Levi gathered all of his very little confidence and went for a slight hug.

- In conclusion; this snek boy needs time, and a lot of reassurance to accept the truth and realize it's not a dream, you also love him.

Satan

- He was trying to retrieve one of the books he had lend you to study for your classes, but just before knocking on your door, he thought to himself to better do it tomorrow, it was already late and you were probably getting ready to sleep.

- That is, until he heard your giggling on the other side.

- "But, tell me, what is it about Wrath that you love so much?"

- Satan was confused and intrigued, what's this conversation about? Obviously, something about him, so he's going to listen.

- "First of, he is not Wrath, I mean Satan is the Avatar of Wrath, but he is not just Wrath, at all. He is so much more than that, he is his own person with his own feelings and thoughts, even more so than we are, because he has lived for thousands of years. He knows so much about a lot of things that are completely beyond my comprehension, but he always manages to make them reachable for my limited mind. I love how he can go from being a pain in Lucifer's ass to a soft and doting cat dad, the way he loses himself into compelling detective novels. I got it bad for him"

- Satan was speechless. His brows raised almost up until his hairline.

- He felt a pleasant warmth spreading through his body, did you really thought of him that way?

- Oh, boy, was he blushing, he even brought a hand to his face to cover from any non existent prying eyes.

- He heard you shuffling around in your room, so he decided to retreat to his own, already planning his confession as he was walking away in the hallway.

- That night, Satan wrote you a poem, an essay and a ode to you. He tried to portray his feelings, but he also felt something was missing and he cracked his head all night searching for it. He redid everything over and over again, looking for more beautiful, deeper words to describe the extent to his love for you.

- However, Satan fell asleep on top of all the manuscripts and drabbles of his "failures", and the next morning guess who was asked to go and fetch the blond demon for breakfast?

- Ok, could've been anyone, but for the sake of this HC, it was you, ok?

- So, you went, and knocked, and waited, and called for him, and knocked again, but nothing. So you enter through his surprisingly unlocked door, and found him sound asleep. And it was such an endearing sight, you just couldn't force yourself to disturb him.

- However, you did tried to cover him with a blanket from his bed and obviously (this is also for the sake of this HC) he woke up at the feeling of foreign touch.

- When he saw you, it clicked on him the thing he was missing for his confession.

- Eye contact.

- Satan jumped to his feet, held your hands, and declared his love for you with a deep blush in his cheeks, a little stuttering in his words, but so much honesty and passion in his green eyes, you were lost.

- In conclusion, Satan would try to make a romantic confession but he would ultimately just convey his feelings in a heart melting, brain wrecking monologue, you can't do nothing but love him even more.

If there's any grammar or spelling mistake I apologize, english is not my first language, and I would appreciated if you could kindly point it out for me so I can get better

Thank you for reading.

Atte. Evie

A/N: Part 2 is up! If you want to be tagged in it just ask me & I'll be delighted to.

Have a wonderful day/night and stay safe!

Tag list:

@anonymous-hq

[dragon-kazansky]

Yes, sir! | Niki Lauda

Professor Lauda AU! 👨‍🏫

Gender neutral reader

Dedicated to @lieutenantn and @scuttle-buttle

I'm using the first names of people I know in real life for the friends, so I apologise if you share the same name 😅

And thank you @scuttle-buttle for letting me make references to your fic 'The interpretation of dreams'

Some of my German translations may be wrong, I'm still learning 🥺

[Next chapter]

Part 1

You sat outside on campus. Your classes didn't start until tomorrow, but your friends started today. You agreed to meet them for lunch. You hadn't been sat outside for too long when they came out. Upon seeing you, they rush over, smiling.

"Lucky you with your extra day off," Katie says, grinning. She was studying music. This girl and her guitar were a force to be reckoned with, that's for sure.

"It's only one day," you laugh.

"One day more than we got," Michael added. When it came to computers, you knew no one better.

"Still, must be exciting not that you've started your classes. I'm not scheduled until tomorrow."

"Speaking of, what did you even pick? You never actually told us," Michael asks, sitting down next to you.

"Literature and languages."

"Ooo, look at you with your 2 subjects," Katie laughs.

"Just wait until I can tell you fuck off in other languages, then we'll see who's laughing," you grin.

"Funny. Can we go eat now?"

You nod and the lot of you go to the nearest cafe for lunch. The Red Wing is a nice little place to meet with friends and catch up, and it was really close to the university.

You grab a table near the window while Michael goes to order for everyone.

"Do you want to know who your Professors are going to be?" Katie asks, pulling out her phone.

"You know?"

"You can see the teachers on the website, I can check for you," she says, already signing into the website.

You say nothing and try to peek at the screen as she searches for the right page.

Michael returns and takes a seat.

"Uh oh," Katie says, looking at her phone strangely.

"Uh oh? Why uh oh?"

She looks at you with a bitter expression.

"Your language professor... you have Professor Lauda," she tells you.

"Professor Lauda? Why is that uh oh?"

Michael and Katie share a look.

"He's, uh... he's a bit of a perfectionist. Kind of strict. He has thrown students out of his class if they haven't kept up with assignments or he thinks they're just wasting time," Michael tells you.

"Oh, I see. I'm sure it will be fine. I'm taking languages because I want to."

Katie shrugs, "well, your funeral."

You narrow your eyes at her. They were making it out as if he was some demon teacher who worked here. You were sure it would be fine.

"What about my other professor?"

"Professor Barnes? He's alright. Cute. People like him," Katie sighs.

"There we go then. I'll be fine!"

Michael and Katie share a look again. You roll your eyes and ignore them as your food arrives.

You're back at your apartment early, in time for an early night so you can be refreshed for your classes tomorrow.

You weren't worried about what your friends had said. You were sure you could handle what ever this Professor Lauda would throw at you.

You arrive to your literature class early. Professor Barnes is friendly and welcomes you into his class. You take a seat near the front and wait for the other students to arrive.

When everyone has settled, the class starts.

Barnes introduces himself, introduces you the schedule for the term, and spends a bit of time getting to know his class. He makes a joke here and there. He's definitely going to be a favourite yours, you just knew you would enjoy his classes.

He dismisses you all with a gentle smile.

You have some time before your languages class. For some reason a lite bit of dread settles in. You really wanted to do well here, but what if you didn't? Would he actually kick you off the course?

Michael was able to meet up with you as you made your way to your next class. He had just left his class cor the day when he saw you on the way to yours.

"Hey!"

You stop and let him catch up with you.

"On your way to Lauda's class?"

"Yes."

"I think it's very brave of you to take this risk," he says, placing his hand on your shoulder.

You roll your eyes.

"You're over exaggerating! He's just a Professor!"

"Y/N, there are only two professors in this university that scare me, and Lauda is one of them."

"Who's the other?"

"Professor Kreizler, but you're not taking his class, so you don't have to worry about him."

You chuckle softly.

"I'll be fine. I have to go! See you later."

Michael watches you go.

You arrive to the class just in time. The class isn't as full as the other class. Just a few students scattered about. Absolutely no one was sitting on the front row. The professor has his back to the class as he organised papers on his desk.

You headed to the front and sat down, taking out the things you would need.

The professor turned around.

Never has anyone made such an impact on you before just from their presence. Your mind ceases functioning as you get a good look at your Professor.

Soft brown curly hair, dark brown eyes, not too tall, not too short, toned, but not buff. Gosh, did he look good in that turtleneck sweater.

His eyes scan the students. The room was only about half full, not that he cared much. He knew he had a reputation in the university. People couldn't deal with him, but it didn't matter because he wouldn't be able to deal with them either.

His eyes land on the only student brave enough to sit up front. He would be able to see you working from there, but that wasn't what made him stop to look at you. No, it was the fact you were probably the best looking person to ever walk into his classroom.

He flickered his gaze away before it could be read into too much by anyone.

You hadn't seemed to notice he was staring.

Still, he was a professional and he would remain so. Nothing wrong with having good looking students in a class.

"Hallo, willkommen. I am Professor Lauda, your languages teacher. This class is for German. Please, if you had no intention of being here, leave now."

No one shifts.

"Very well then. I have written the schedule for the term on the board, copy it down if you must, I will not be repeating it after today."

You note it down, using all your will power not to just look at your Professor.

"I must ask, does anyone here have any basic knowledge of German?" He asks, eyes scanning the class.

A few hands go up. Better than his last class where barely anyone had any former knowledge. Your hand is up too.

"Gut. You," he nods at you, "introduce yourself auf Deutsch."

You hesitate for a second, not expecting he would pick you. Though, you are sat up front. You're an easy target.

"Hallo, ich bin Y/N."

Y/N. Wunderbar. He had your name. He moves onto the next student who put their hand up, and then the next. You were none the wiser to his little trick of just wanting to know who you were.

"Now, listen here," he says, gaining everyone's attention after introductions, "if you so as waste my time, you are off this course. I only want students who mean to learn. If you fail my tests, you can walk tight out. If you fail to hand in an essay, you can leave."

He scans the faces of his students.

"Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir!" The class all spoke together.

"Gut. Now, pay attention."

He begins the introduction for the course. Though you are paying attention, you're slightly distracted by his voice. English or German, you could listen to him talk all day.

You write down notes as he speaks, not wanting to miss anything. You almost miss some details because you just wanted to sit and listen to him talk.

Class is over before you know it. Time had passed far too quickly for your liking.

"Dismissed. Don't be late."

Everyone gathers their things before they go. You close your notebook and glances up at your professor. He once again has his back to the class.

"Danke, herr Lauda."

Lauda glances over his shoulder to see you standing there. He looks you up and down quickly with his dark eyes. He turns back around without saying anything.

You leave, feeling a little awkward.

Michael is waiting outside for you.

"How was class?" He asks, falling into step with you.

"Not that bad. Professor Lauda isn't that bad!"

"You're lying! He's so intimidating!" Michael exclaims.

"He's fine. Maybe I should I meet this Professor Kreizler for reference."

"He's intimidating too."

"Do you actually like any Professors here?" You ask.

"....not really!"

You chuckle softly and keep on walking. Michael has to jog a little as you pick up the pace.

"I dare you! Though he might be OK if his assistant is there."

"His assistant?" You look at him curiously.

"Yeah, pretty sure they're together."

"Hmm. Cute."

"If you say so, Y/N. Right, I have to leave, there's a computer with my name on it," he grins.

"Yeah, whatever. See you!" You laugh as he walks away.

You head back to your apartment, done for the day. You would go over your notes and have some dinner before turning in for the night.

Tomorrow was another day, and you were eager to return to your languages class.

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[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Can I just say Bones does not get nearly enough credit for how well he reads people?? Like, we all forget that he is not only a doctor, he's a psychiatrist as well. And not only is he insanely good at reading Jim, we also see him read and understand Spock (who is his opposite and with whom he frequently disagrees) and push him when it's necessary. It's Bones' words that make some of the most powerful exchanges out of all the 79 original episodes. Here is proof (and there's a lot of it):

Balance of Terror

Jim's doubting himself and is dealing with a lot of stress because of all his responsibilities and the burden of making decisions, and asks Bones, "What if I'm wrong?" This is an incredibly vulnerable moment for Jim, who always has to be strong, and when Bones starts to answer, Jim gets up and says "I wasn't really expecting an answer."

Bones immediately puts his hand on his shoulder, stops him, and says, "Well, I've got one." Completely unexpected by Jim. Bones starts off by saying "This isn't something I'd usually tell a customer," then gives the speech we all probably know, about how there are millions of possible earth-like planets, "but in all of that, and possibly more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."

Let's break down why this is so good. First, Bones lets Jim know that he sees how vulnerable Jim is being and that he's talking to Jim as a friend. He recognizes that Jim's identity is fundamentally tied to his role as a captain, and also acknowledges how deep Jim's doubts are going, and at the same time reminds Jim that he is the one in control of himself (something very grounding for Jim) and he is not alone (because Bones is supporting him). Most of all, he doesn't dwell on the vulnerability Jim's expressing, but encourages him to take action, which is Jim's natural bent. He perfectly adapts to how Jim functions and knows what to say to get him back into a place where he can do what he does best: lead.

The Ultimate Computer

Jim has been been feeling insecure and threatened this entire episode, because a computer may take away his role as captain. Twice he seeks out Bones for comfort. First, he tells him that he has concerns about the computer, but worries about his motives. "You have my psychological profiles; am I afraid? Of losing my job? ...Daystrom's right, I could do a lot of other things. Am I afraid of losing the power, the prestige? Am I that petty?"

Bones replies, "Jim, if you're self-aware enough to ask that question, you don't need me to answer it for you. Why don't you ask James T. Kirk? He's a pretty honest guy."

Breakdown: Bones responds beautifully by once again reminding Jim that he knows himself and is in control. That sense of confidence is all Jim is after. He also establishes earlier in the conversation that what Jim is feeling is not unusual and can be understood. Brilliant.

The second time Jim reaches out to Bones (this episode is my favorite for a reason), he's doubting his role even more intensely, having just been blatantly insulted and called useless (affirming his insecurities). He left the bridge, silently, by himself, and even Spock didn't follow him out. Bones knew he needed help and went to him, with some drinks (Jim initially responds that he's not interested in eating--coping by losing interest in food) and a joke and light-hearted attitude, so that Jim can feel comfortable expressing himself. Jim puts on an air of not caring (shutting himself off from his emotions) and says he's never felt so useless, and makes a cynical joke as a toast, "To Captain Dunsel" (the insult from earlier, meaning "unnecessary").

Bones stops him, looks him in the eye, and says "To James Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise." Jim says softly, "Thank you, Doctor," and when he downs his glass, Bones follows suit.

There's just so much good about this. Bones seeks him out even when he was trying to isolate himself because he knew Jim tends to distract himself and unhealthily repress things. And he doesn't let Jim get away with being blasé about how he's been hurt, but he doesn't force him to be honest either; instead, he lets Jim know he sees how he's feeling and how deeply he's hurt, and also reaffirms that Bones still cares about, respects, and most of all, believes in him. When Jim starts talking after the drink, Bones just listens and lets him talk, and when Jim responds to the call to the bridge, he follows him out. Back in action, and another job well done.

The Trouble With Tribbles

Just a brief point with this: Spock is just being silent here, which is typical for him. But Bones asks him "What's the matter, Spock?" seemingly out of the blue. Spock responds with, "There's something disquieting about these creatures," which means that he was feeling off, and Bones picked up on it. Bones then makes a joke ("Don't tell me you've got a feeling!") which lets Spock know that Bones sees what he's saying but isn't treating it as unusual (since the joking between them is their normal behavior). And when Spock continues talking, he hears him out (although it eventually degenerates into their typical spat).

All Our Yesterdays

Spock has begun degenerating into a pre-reformed-Vulcan version of himself. He gives up on trying to get back to their proper time and becomes irritable. Bones notices that something's wrong almost immediately.

He starts by asking about Jim (because he knows how deeply Spock cares for him), and Spock responds apathetically. This clearly shocks Bones, who then says "I don't believe it, Spock. It's just not like you to give up trying." When Spock doesn't acknowledge something's off, Bones presses him: "I understand. I never thought I'd see it, but I understand. You want to stay here. In fact, you're highly motivated to stay in this forsaken waste!" Spock deflects again, and Bones keeps pressing, which leads to Spock grabbing him by the neck and saying angrily, "I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure." Bones simply looks him in the eye and asks calmly, "What's happening to you, Spock?"

Instead of hassling Spock about why he isn't doing more, he focuses on what's wrong with Spock himself, and he clearly has a deep understanding of who Spock really is. He starts by trying to get a feel for Spock's emotional state by going to ground 0: Jim. And he doesn't back down when Spock tries to blow him off.

Seeing that he's getting nowhere, Bones bides his time, and then starts something with Zarabeth, knowing Spock will jump to her defense.

When Spock pins him against the wall, Bones calmly says, "Are you trying to kill me, Spock? Is that what you really want? Think! What are you feeling? Rage, jealousy--have you ever had those feelings before?" Spock is clearly affected by this, and says it's impossible, since he's a Vulcan. Bones sees his opening, saying "The Vulcan you knew won't exist for another 5000 years! Think, man! What's happening on your planet right now, at this very moment?" Spock answers with the facts, and Bones tells him flat-out what's going on: he's reverting. Spock falls quiet, and says, "I've lost myself. I do not know who I am."

Bones is specifically structuring his responses (both here and earlier) to cause Spock to evaluate himself--to think, which has always has grounded Spock. Bones indirectly (so that Spock doesn't feel as threatened by the accusation) indicates that Spock's being too emotional. He wants Spock to see for himself that something's wrong, so Bones asks questions or makes open-ended statements so that Spock will have to respond. He also provides enough evidence (pointing out the emotions Spock is feeling) to prove he has a point and guide Spock towards a conclusion. He's talking Spock through it, using reason and logic, which Spock has always responded to. Bones' questions are also phrased so that the answers are objective facts--he's bringing Spock back to the verifiable, Spock's comfort zone. Finally, he does the analysis for Spock, telling him what's undeniably happening, but leaves the course of action open to Spock, so that he can regain control of himself by deciding how to proceed. Bones smoothly and logically guided Spock to the delicate realization he needed to have.

Of Bread and Circuses

Then of course we have this iconic exchange. Jim's been separated from the both of them and they are all in danger. Spock is pulling at the bars although he knows it will be futile.

Bones calls him out on this, and then thanks him for saving his life. When Spock brushes him off and keeps his walls up, Bones says, "I know why you're not afraid to die, Spock. You're more afraid of living. Every day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip--and let your human half peek out." Spock is silent and looks away, and Bones continues, now smiling slightly: "That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling." His face makes it clear he's gently baiting Spock, who then looks back at Bones and says, "Really, Doctor?" Bones replies softly, "I know. I'm worried about Jim, too."

First thing: Spock's theme starts playing when Bones corners him. So we're supposed to get that Bones is really laying him bare. But starting from the beginning of the scene, Bones recognizes Spock's anxiety through his illogical behavior. He takes the time to thank Spock for saving his life, in an effort to remind Spock that he is competent and in control--basically, trying to calm Spock down and reassure him. When Spock refuses to deal with his emotions productively, Bones is having none of it, and shows Spock just how much he knows. He can tell Spock isn't worried for himself ("you're not afraid to die") but also is well aware of Spock's actual fears (which are coloring his current behavior towards Bones). Basically, Bones is saying, "this facade of yours can't keep me out. You're understood. You're not alone." Saying it in those terms, though, would just make Spock feel weak for unsuccessfully trying to mask his behavior, so Bones frames it as a gentle challenge. When Spock looks away, he can tell he's hit the nail on the head, and he smiles because he's getting through to him. His face as he says "you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling" telegraphs to the audience that he's not actually serious, but is looking for a response. And he gets it--Spock acknowledges, as Bones had intended, that he is currently dealing with emotions. And that's where Bones wanted to get him, because now that he's admitted it, he can move forward; but Bones doesn't want this admission to go unrewarded, and definitely doesn't want Spock to go on believing that Bones meant what he'd said about not knowing what to do with feelings, so he again tells Spock that he understands what's really going on, but without challenge this time. He just accepts it and reassures Spock that he's not alone: "I know. I'm worried about Jim too." They're in it together, and now that Spock is a little more vulnerable, he's able to see that Bones is right beside him.

So that was a lot, but there is definitely even more. Basically, give Bones the appreciation he deserves, because his emotional intuition is off the charts. (After all, as he is so fond of reminding us, he is a doctor!)

[sweetestlamb]

Bring Me To Life

Summary: Kang Sujin has never had anyone to turn to, hiding behind a façade her entire life. Someone begins to peek behind the mask. 

Author’s note: My two favorite characters in TB are Seojun and Sujin, both characters who are honestly treated like trash by the writers. I cannot begin to tell how upsetting it was to see Sujin’s character assassination or how painful it is to watch her being physically abused knowing that the writers will not give her therapy or a true happy ending. She’s just here to be beaten and vilified. Seojun, I won’t even rant everyone knows what the problem is (idk who told them we wanted to see Start-Up the high school edition.) So I wrote this after watching the most recent episode and hating most of it for these reasons. I don’t know how far it’ll go or how often I can update, but I need my two babies to have a happy ending preferably together because the visuals are just a dreammmm. 

The rain crashes down loudly from aggrieved storm clouds bellowing above her in the sky, the chilled condensation plastering her thin satin pajamas to her trembling body. She had to get out, the pain in her cheek numbing and electrifying all at once.

How dare she tell him that she didn't want to get married, want to stand on her own two feet without a man giving her value?

His hand had flown across the room before she could sidestep the blow, the fragile glass filled with water in her hand- the very reason she'd left her room in the dead of night- shattering into jagged pieces as it collided with a greater force. Just like her.

She hadn't been trying to eavesdrop but it was hard not to hear him chuckling deeply on the phone, offering up his only child like she was an item on a menu.

"Yes we should set them up. It seems Suho isn't interested and she should marry young, that's when women are worth the most."

Nausea rolled like waves in the pits of her stomach and before she could think logically, her feet were sprinting into the living room, air barely filling her lungs as she stared at the man she'd never once thought of as a father. The last time she'd made the grave mistake of calling him daddy he'd smacked her so hard that was how she lost her first tooth. He'd been father ever since or Mr. Kang. She tried her best to avoid him at all cost, she would never be good enough and it was getting harder to hide the marks he left behind.

It was difficult to remember clearly what occurred seconds after her refusal to marry a man she didn't know left her lips, his fist connected and she was knocked back onto their coffee table the sharp edge cutting at her cheek. As she looked at him, anger painting his face a demonic red, fear crippled her and her hands twitched desperately wanting to wash them raw. Then he grabbed a thick marble ashtray from the table and her instincts took over and she was out the door, running as fast as she could, knowing her life was at stake and she couldn't afford to stop.

When the cloud in her head cleared that was when she found herself at the bus stop.

Judgmental whispers breeze by her ears as people passed by with umbrellas, shocked to see the young girl crying in her pajamas at the stop, but none stopped to offer her help or inquire about her situation, happy just to pass judgement. She ignores them all, panicking racing through her blood until she's unable to breathe, choking on nothing as she twitches in the harsh air. Her throat constricts as she screams at herself, breathe. 

Breathe.

BREATHE! 

But it's useless as her body shuts down, forgetting how to do the basic function, she sways as she starts to feel light headed from the lack of oxygen and with a final wheeze she collapses. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He signs as he weaves past cars moving far too slowly, adrenaline rushing through his veins as he marginally misses nipping a car to the left of him, easily dragging his motorcycle away with the fluid movements of his body. He glares up at the sky before cursing, "Fucking weather report didn't say anything about a sudden rainstorm." If he'd known he would have stayed home, always hating the rain. It brought back bad memories.

Halting at a red light, he puts his leg down for balance bouncing slightly in place. Pulling the shield up on his helmet he glances around, recognizing the area easily, before something in his peripheral catches his attention, a lump on the ground. Tilting his head he revs his trusty iron steed to live, riding over to the direction of the mysterious mass on the wet ground. As he gets closer his heart falters, it's too evident now. 

It's a person.

Jumping off his bike and pushing out the kickstand he flings his helmet off, his hair immediately drenched under the downpour as he races over to help. As he nears the figure, it becomes clearer it's a woman wearing what looks like sleep clothes. Momentarily he wonders if this is a crazy person and if he should just mind his business but a frightening image of his little sister unconscious on the ground and no one coming to her aid flashes in his mind.

"I'll just check if she's breathing and call an ambulance. That's all, if she tries to attack me I'll just ride away." He takes a deep breath, collecting his courage before closing the gap between him and the unconscious woman.

Crouching beside her, he reaches out a hand hesitating before sighing and shaking at her cold shoulder. No response. He shakes harder now, watching the motion quake through her entire body, but still she is unresponsive.

"Hey! Hey! Are you okay? Wake up, you're scaring me!" He starts to jiggle her with both hands, before he crawls into her space not caring about his safety any longer, the idea that this unknown woman might be dead is making him nauseous. People are always dying without his permission. It's so frustrating.

"Wake up! Come on!" He shouts at the figure now holding both her shoulders and turning the woman over, lifting her face from its place on the ground, cradling her limp body in his lap. After two more vicious shakes, she starts to cough and groan in his arms. Relief swims through his veins as he watches her come back to life, anxiously watching as her dewy long lashes flutter open and he's caught in a lifeless deep gaze.

"Han Seo-Jun?"

It takes a long pause for him to register that the woman has said his name and then a longer moment to recognize who she is.

"Kang Su-Jin?" He replies in genuine shock, taking in the wom--young girl in his arms. She's shivering so violently that it's becoming difficult to hold onto her, vibrating out of his hold before he grips her tighter, whipping off his jacket without second thought and wrapping it around her. Goosebumps raising on his skin as his body mentally berates his lack of survival skills.

"What are you doing here?" She looks at him bewildered as if the stranger occurrence is his presence and not her own.

He squints his eyes looking back at her, "I could ask you the same thing. I found you unconscious here. I thought you were...." He trails off unable to utter the rest of his sentence.

"You should have left me here. Maybe I would have. If I was that lucky."

"What? Are you crazy, you want to die? Did you do this to yourself, what are you on?!" He roars at her, rage flooding his system as he shouts at the stupid girl, how dare she try to kill herself and leave her body for him to find? He wishes he had taken a different route, that he'd never come across her. He was in no state to comfort someone who was suicidal, still too raw and hurt. What was so hard about living that made people want to do that? Hot tears gather in his eyes as he abruptly pulls away from Sujin, unapologetic as she tumbles to the ground without his support.

She starts at him, stunned before righteous fury twists her features and she roars back at him.

"Who are you to judge me! I didn't ask you to help me, leave me alone!"

He glares back at her ready to yank his jacket away and run away from her but a small movement stops him, as she's screaming at him a small muscle twitches in her cheek bringing his attention to said cheek. It's nearly purple, standing out obscenely on her pale skin and then he notices the split lip and the bruises on her neck and he's so ashamed of himself he could bawl.

He deflates before speaking to her, "What happened to your face? Who did this to you?"

He doesn't know what kind of look he has on his face but before his questions can even settle between them she's sneering and twisting away from him, throwing his jacket on the ground before making her escape. Unprepared for her sudden departure he reacts too late, before chasing after her. It's easy to close the distance separating them with his long legs and within seconds she's merely inches in front of him, he reaches out a large hand to grab her wrist but hesitates recalling the bruises littering her frame. Instead he races past her, blocking her with his body swerving to the left and then the right when she tries to dodge him. They play this cat and mouse game before she finally gives up, glaring up at him with moist enraged eyes.

"Why do you care? We aren't even friends!"

Her piercing shout rings in his ears as he looks down at her passively. He can't answer that question, doesn't know what brought him to this area so late and not understanding why he was the one to find her in this condition. He doesn't know why he cares. But maybe things could have been different if Se-Yeon had someone to chase him. Maybe he'd still be alive...

So he answers her honestly.

"I don't want anymore people to die."

To his complete shock she starts to cry, tears falling rapidly from her eyes before she crumples to the ground, the rain pounding on her head and he stands still unsure of what to do before he drapes the jacket he'd rescued from the ground over her head, shielding her from most of the thunderous downpour. When she looks up to see the jacket protecting her, he almost falls backwards as her head slams into his chest, her tears simmering hot on his chilled body. It's almost painfully uncomfortable but he doesn't move away. Letting her cry on his chest, his shirt is soaked anyway this makes no difference.

He doesn't know how long they are crouched there on the ground, so dark that the sidewalk is completely devoid of anyone else, it feels like they are the only two people left on Earth.

"If we stay here you're going to get a cold."

He voices his concern but the only reply he receives is a gross sounding sniffle and he grimaces, knowing that his poor shirt is probably damaged beyond repair covered in snot and tears.

Sighing he starts to repeat himself before she whispers, "I don't have anywhere to go."

"I can take you home." Her fists tighten in his drenched shirt, he can practically feel the fear wafting off her, he'd assumed the marks on her face were from a possessive unhinged boyfriend but her reaction makes him uneasy. He tries to push those unpleasant thoughts to the corner.

"What about your friends? Why don't you call Su-ah or Ju-Kyung, I’m sure they’ll help you.” 

She stiffens in his arms before shaking her head in decline.

"No. I can't let anyone else see me like this. I don't need them looking at me the way you did, like I'm a sad pitiful puppy. I never want anyone look at me like that again."

He can respect that, he never wants to appear weak in front of others. It was easier to become angry and lash out rather than showing your true heart, nobody could hurt you that way.

"Then what? Where do you want to go?"

"I have nowhere to go. I'll stay here until morning. I'll be fine, you can go."

He looks at her dumbfounded, what kind of man would leave a battered woman alone in the rain? He wasn't raised by animals, damn it.

"Let's go." He makes a point not to touch her, their only point of connection are her hands twisted in his shirt.

"What?"

He bulldozes past her confusion, looking at her with what he hopes are comforting eyes.

"I'm taking you to my house. I can't just leave you here."

"Are you crazy? Don't you live with your mother and sister, what will they say?"

He winces at the logical inquiry, he had already considered that himself, thinking of his mother's subsequent smacks and his sister's teasing once they learned what he'd done but still deciding that he has no other choice. He can't just leave her here.

He shrugs, "That's my problem to worry about. I'm not leaving you here, I'd really like to get out of his rain. Let's go." He repeats himself harder, pleading with her.

She looks away and he's prepared to throw her over his shoulders and face the consequences when he hears her response, "Okay. Let's go."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It's a quiet ride back, the engine rumbling through the aching bones of her frozen body. Han Seojun. The last person she ever expected to see after being roused from her panic induced collapse. Her arms tighten around his thin waist as he swerves around a car, adrenaline and fear battling for dominance in her body. When her fingers accidentally brush across wet bare skin she quickly moves her hands higher, fighting the embarrassment that washes over her.

If he notices she can't hear his reaction over the roar of the motorcycle.

When they finally pull up to a small apartment, she loosens her hold on him cracking her frozen digits.

"You didn't need to hold that tightly, I wasn't going to let anything happen to you. I ride this everyday you know."

She doesn't reply focusing on getting off the bike, swinging her leg over and hopping off not graceful but effective, a small proud smile spreads on her face before she gazes back at him.

He stares back before shaking his head, as if lost in a daze before he stomps off for her to follow.

Wordlessly she trails behind him, feeling foolish in her duck pajamas, a gift from Su-ah.

When he pushes his front door open, letting her in first she steps out of her sopping wet house slippers standing awkwardly looking around.

"Stay here. I'll get towels so we don't trail too much water."

She nods at his command, gazing at the floor and seeing how much water is already pooling around her feet.

"Here." He hands her a fluffy pink towel, she raises an eyebrow at the color.

"It's the guest towel. I wouldn't give you my towel."

That makes sense, sharing towels is far too intimate for the relationship they have. That being none. 

She rapidly towels at her hair, before running the towel down her body and wrapping it around her waist.

"You can use the bathroom. It's the second door on the right. I'll bring you dry clothes."

She steps cross the doorway, finally entering his home. Before she turns back to him staring directly into his eyes, "Than.... You didn't have to do this." She loses her confidence but his answering smirk lets her know he understood enough, with that she walks to the bathroom locking herself inside.

The sight of her bruised face in the mirror makes her pause, reaching up to finger at the stark purple mark on her cheek. She's crying before she can control her emotions, tears dripping into the sink as she remembers her night, how close she was to the end despite what she said to Seojun she wanted to live. As her father stood above her ready to snuff her out like a mere nuisance in his life, she realized with a burning passion how desperately she wanted to live.

A soft knock drags her back to reality as she rapidly wipes her tears away.

"I'm leaving clothes by the door. You can come out whenever you're ready. I'm making tea."

When she hears the light steps of his feet moving away from the door she opens the door a crack, picking up the neatly folded pile of clothes. Sending the boy a mental thank you before closing the door quietly.

It's clear that these clothes belong to Seojun, draping off her body, too large for her frame, a black T-shirt with a microphone on the center and sweatpants that cover her feet as well, he'd even remembered to bring her socks. Instantly she feels her body warming as her body temperature returns to normal. 

Folding her wet clothes and splashing water on her face then using the towel to rub it dry, she exits the bathroom walking towards the light she sees assuming that's the kitchen.

"The water's almost done boiling. Sit down."

His deep voice greets her as she follows his orders and takes a seat.

"Are these your clothes?"

"What? Oh yeah they're mine, sorry my sister locked her door. They're very old though, I haven't worn them in years I thought they would fit you better." He eyes her as he says the last sentence, "I guess it didn't make much of a difference I'm just too tall and manly for my own good."

She scoffs at his narcissistic comment rolling her eyes "Tall and manly my foot. You're so skinny I could probably pick you up with one arm."

He immediately turns at her comment, affronted look on his face, "Shut up! It's hard for me to put on weight, I'm not that skinny."

He places his hands on his hips, looking down at himself before puffing his chest out to make himself appear broader, it's so ridiculous that she can't control her reaction.

Sudden uncontrollable laughter.

She laughs breathlessly, folding onto her lap trying to contain her giggles but his scandalized look makes her laugh harder and she has to stuff her face in her elbow to prevent herself from waking his family.

After a few minutes of random spasms of laughter she finally peers back up at him.

He looks just like he did outside when she'd smiled after successively getting off his motorcycle.

"What? What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. I just never see you smile at school."

"Well you never do anything worth smiling about." She quips back, wondering if she'd gone too far but he doesn't reply beyond a slight smile that's gone too fast to even be titled that, he places her steaming cup of tea before her sipping at his own after blowing on it.

They drink in comfortable silence.

She's the first to rapture the silence, "I don't need pity."

"I don't pity yo--"

"But thank you. Thank you for stopping. Thank you for this, thank you."

He stares wordlessly before nodding, a slight blush on his cheeks before he hides his face in the cup of tea. She doesn't bring attention to it.

"You can sleep in my room. It's the door next to the bathroom."

Humming she looks up, fatigue hitting her like a brick at the mention of sleeping.

"Where will you sleep?"

"I have a perfectly good couch, don't argue you're sleeping in my room. That's final. It's better that my mother doesn't see a strange woman on the couch when she wakes up."

Well, she can't argue with that logic.

"Okay." Drinking the last of the soothing beverage, she stands up walking over to place the cup in the sink.

"Good night." She starts to walk back in the direction of the bathroom, seeing another door next to it. Seojun's room. Twisting the doorknob she pushes it open, before she hears his voice from behind her.

"If you need anything I'm right outside."

Blinking her tears away, she nods without looking back, too vulnerable with his palpable concern.

When she lays her head down on his pillow, his scent fills her senses and she falls into a deep restless slumber feeling safer than she has in long time.

Tomorrow will be horrible.

But tonight, she will allow herself to breath easy knowing that someone is on her side.

[silverynight]

"Oh, yes George, it's you again," Newt grins at the curious seal, looking at his camera and laptop. "How are you doing today?"

The seal moves towards him and makes happy noises, Newt chuckles and his laughter resonates all over the cave he just walked in.

The people who live there warned him about some kind of monster that Newt thought was probably some creature; he knows no animal is evil or dangerous, people just need to respect their space and not to bother them.

So when the creature comes (which makes him feel really excited) he'll be ready to leave the cave or do whatever is necessary to make it feel like it can trust Newt.

He's been working as a marine biologist a few years now and he's had experiences with all kinds of creatures, he also has a couple of scars that can prove it, but Newt has never regretted any of it.

He loves studying and helping creatures as much as he can.

George goes back to his family and Newt has a few hours to clean up the cave; sadly some of the trash people throw in the shore ends up there because the waves that crash into the cave.

Once he's done he takes a few pictures of the place and proceeds to take notes on the fishes he sees in the water.

Then, just for a moment, he has the weird feeling that someone is watching him, but when he turns around and finds himself completely alone, he relaxes and keeps typing.

After two hours, he decides to go back to the house he's staying at and return the next day.

***

"Oh, hello!" When Newt sees the man with mismatched eyes swimming inside the cave, he smiles excitedly, thinking about all the questions he could ask him about the place.

"Why are you not scared?" The man asks, getting closer to him; Newt notices his bare chest and wonders how he could be there without any kind of suit and looking perfectly fine. He must be freezing.

"Why should I be?"

"The monster," the man says, like it's obvious and Newt notices his accent then, but can't tell where he is from. He doesn't sound like most of the people there.

"Well, you're the one inside the water," Newt points out and the man can't help but grin in return. "Besides, based on what I've been told, it's most likely an animal, one that lives in the water and therefore not a monster. The creature is probably angry because it feels like humans are invading its territory."

"Exactly," the man agrees, looking particularly amused for some reason. "But you're here too..."

"When the creature shows up, I'll try to let it know I'm not a threat, if it doesn't work, I'll leave," Newt tells him. "I just want to study the animals here."

"Don't worry, the monster is not going to be mad at you," the man assures, staring at Newt with so much intensity the biologist starts blushing. "You're beautiful and he likes pretty things."

"I don't think animals have the same concept of beau–"

"He does," the man uses his hands to sit next to Newt, making him gasp when he realizes he doesn't have any legs but a beautiful green fin that's still touching the water.

After his initial shock, Newt realizes he's probably the first or one of the first biologists looking at what people would call a merman.

"Can I see?" He beams at him and the merman smiles back.

"Yes," he mumbles lifting his fin. "But only if you tell me your name."

"I'm Newt."

"Gellert. It's really a pleasure to meet you. I've never seen a human so beautiful before."

Trying not to get too flustered, Newt gets closer to the merman and starts asking him questions.

He's never been that excited in a long time.

***

Gellert is with Newt almost all the time, he even follows Newt to the house he's staying by turning his fin into two perfectly functional legs.

Although Newt had to cover him with his coat to the merman's amusement.

"I've explored your world a couple of times in this form, Newton," Gellert says, taking the biologist's hand in his. "I didn't like it that much, there was nothing interesting for me here, until now of course."

Newt would've blushed if it wasn't because he was pretty much distracted by the fact that there could be more like him.

"Does this mean I can meet other mer-people like you?" Newt grins excitedly, not noticing the frown upon Gellert's face. "Or maybe I should go back to the cave for–"

"Not many of my kind decide to explore the world of men like I did," Gellert tells him, looking slightly irritated. "Besides, you can't meet anyone else because you're mine!"

Newt looks back at him in shock, until he realizes that Gellert is jealous.

"You'll always be my friend. I just want to meet others like you to ask them questions about the way you live, but they're not my frien–"

"We're not friends, Newton," Gellert almost growls as he takes him by the waist and pulls him closer. "You are my mate and I'm going to claim you."

A shiver spreads through Newt's back as his face turns bright red; he likes the possessiveness he sees in the merman's eyes.

"But, we can't–"

"Why not?" The irritation vanishes to be replaced with vulnerability and fear. Gellert is afraid of losing him. "I love you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Don't you want the same?"

Newt stares at him for a moment and realizes quickly that he hasn't actually thought about leaving him. It'd tear him apart. He can't imagine himself being without Gellert.

"I... I want the same."

The merman starts kissing his neck affectionately and Newt shivers again when he feels Gellert's sharp teeth on his skin.

"Wait. Are you sure about this? I'll have to travel and–"

"I'll go with you, my love. Anywhere." Gellert assures him. "We can even get married to. I know your people like that."

Newt chuckles before kissing him; he's not sure if he can marry him or what his brother will say when he meets him, but he knows he wants to spend his life with him.

***

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