bitemedotmp3

[bitemedotmp3]

UZII!!!!! GETYO ASS HOMMEM!!!!

[bitemedotmp3]

[bitemedotmp3]

‘  i am 100% certain that i am 0% sure of what i’m going to do.  ’

"Then maybe don't do it?" says Uzi. She doesn't move from her desk to stop Ivy- it doesn't seem that important, but she's... dabbled in this stuff a bit herself. "It can fuck up your internals if you're not careful."

"They can be replaced."

"Do you have replacements?"

Ivy's mouth twists into a small frown as she stares down at the red horseshoe-shaped object, but she doesn't ride from the beanbag chair. "Are magnets that harmful?"

"Well they're not good for you. It feels kind of nice for a while, but it also impairs your processes. Probably bad after a while, but I never used them that much" She shrugs, looking up from her phone. "You ever try engine coolant? I knew a guy who did that before he died. Oh, not because of the coolant, he died for, uh... different reasons."

Uzi-related reasons.

"How is that?" asks Ivy, tilting her head.

"I dunno, never tried it myself. The guy said it just kind of... reduced his processing speed? Made him more relaxed. But he tried a lot of questionable stuff, so who knows. Heard he even drank straight gasoline once, really surprised that didn't kill him."

"I see."

Ivy lapses into silence, and Uzi goes back to her phone. She's trying to make a playlist, but it's kind of hard to decide if her roommate would be able to appreciate the irony of a death metal cover of a boy band song.

"I'm going to try it," says Ivy.

"Mkay," says Uzi.

There's a gentle clanking sound, and Uzi glances up to see the magnet stuck to Ivy's head. The other girl blinks a few times, frowning. "This is... interesting."

"Yeah, it just kind of messes with some of your processes," says Uzi, tucking her phone away. "Like, dizzy in a good way? If that makes sense. Here, let me see."

Ivy pulls the magnet from her head and passes it to Uzi, who presses it against her temple. Just as she remembers, a small warning pops up on her HUD, and her vision goes slightly blurry. It doesn't feel bad, but she remembers why she stopped; if her dad ever found out, he probably would've literally exploded. "It's- It's not so bad," says Uzi, taking a deep vent of air. "In moderation, at least. Just don't make it a habit."

She hands the magnet back to Ivy, who places it back against her own head. "I know humans sometimes take perception-altering substances, and then listen to music. They say it changes the experience, and I'd like to try it. Do you have any music, Uzi?"

Uzi cackles, rubbing her hands together as she turns to her computer. "'Do I have any music?' What do you like: nightcore, synth, metal, jpop-"

"Surprise me. I'd like to hear the kind of music you enjoy."

"Sure, here's an artist my mom introduced me to. Probably where I got my good taste from," says Uzi, clicking through screens. It takes a few moments for some synthesized sounds to come through the speakers, but they're quickly followed by some high-pitched lyrics and guttural singing. It's not a song Ivy expected to hear, but it's not unpleasant, and she closes her eyes.

"I killed someone to this song!" says Uzi over the noise.

"Strange thing to say," says Ivy, settling back into the beanbag.

[bitemedotmp3]

‘ three words: treat. yo. self. ’

Uzi's gaze linger on the storefront window, blade prominently displayed at the forefront. When she finally manages to tear her eyes away, she gives a shaky laugh.

"N-no, I don't... I don't need a katana!"

"Of course you don't need, but you want, right?" says Frye, nudging the other girl. "You gotta treat yourself! Life's too short!"

"I'm a robot, I'm immortal."

"Well the people who'd be impressed would be dead, then! That's half of owning cool stuff, right?"

"Yeah, I really can't argue about my teenage desire for increased social standing," says Uzi, putting a hand to her chin. "But I mean, I know katanas are cool as hell, but do other people?"

"C'mon, when is a sword not cool, Uz'? We even got splatanas back home for turf wars n' stuff. It's one of those things that has an undeniable cool factor, like imagine just-" Frye cuts herself off, putting both hands on her hip. With a hissing sound, she mimes a slow draw before slicing at the air in front of her with a loud shing!

Uzi bites her lip, nodding. "Okay, yeah, I am imagining it. Just all like-" With both hands at her side, she does her own impressing of drawing the blade, and Frye claps her hands together.

"Yes, see! Even just thinking about it is cool! So c'mon, three words: Treat. Yo. Self!"

"Okay! I'm doing it!" says Uzi, dashing for the shop door.

"You're doing it!" calls Frye, opting to wait outside. She'd rather wait for the reveal, instead of ruining it by witnessing the capitalistic transaction. But when Uzi finally emerges, the only new thing she's got is an angry scowl.

"They think I'm a minor," Uzi growls. "Wouldn't sell it to me."

Frye clicks her tongue. "Oh, didn't even think of that. Well, if you're too young-"

"I'm not a minor! That shouldn't even apply to me, I'm a robot!"

"Well, how old are you?"

"I dunno."

"You dunno? How dun you no?"

"I deleted it, okay?!" she snaps, cheeks flushing. "What's with the third degree? None of your business."

Grumbling, Uzi turns her gaze downwards, eyes flicking from side to side until they alight on a small rock. A purple glyph appears around it as it floats in the air, and Uzi pulls her hand back and-

"Woah, hey!" says Frye, grabbing Uzi's arm. "You can't do that!"

Frye can't stop her, but Uzi relents. "Why not? It's just some dumb shop run by the city anyways, it'll probably get fixed in a few days."

"No, I mean you can't do it here. These places usually have cameras, you have to find a blind spot first. Don't wanna get busted for vandalism, right?"

Rolling her eyes, Uzi drops the stone into her pocket. "Fine. Good thing you're here to direct my petty crime."

"There's plenty more katanas out there, Uz'. C'mon, I think over there should be a safe spot." says Frye, patting the girl's arm before giving her a gentle tug. Next time, she'll have to teach the robot girl about the art of tagging.

[bitemedotmp3]

Damn, all of Uzi's clients should be as thoughtful as Aurelius. Flexible hours, open windows, offering to keep her fueled up... What a nice guy. She can't imagine anyone in the city would have any problems with him, so she better make a good impression.

"Wow- uh, yeah, sounds good. I'll be there as soon as I can, maybe like thirty minutes?" she says, already gathering her things into a backpack and reaching for her strongscreen. Aurelius' office isn't super far from her home since she can just fly over the center of the city, but The Stars have only allotted her so much flight time per day. Should be fine. Probably.

After a short stop at a nearby corner store (drone oil counts as food, who knew?) Uzi soars through the sky of Spiale, only slightly burdened by her tools. Her creepy, techno-organic wings don't lack for power, and before long she finds herself perched on the third-floor windowsill of Aurelius' office, peeking her head inside.

"Hello?" she says, glancing around with an oil can in her hand. "Doorman Electronics Repair? Motto in progress? Oh, hey Aurelius."

He's been waiting for her, and so Uzi lowers herself inside. "Ah, yeah, I mentioned last time I'm not usually a bird, right? These wings are a whole different story," she says, her extra appendages retracting back into her body. "Anyways, just point me at the problem and I'll get it done."

「✦」 Were vampires popular in this city or something? He keeps running into types like them even though they had nothing in common.

"That's fine," Aurelius agrees to the price without negotiation. Bartering wasn't a skill he ever learned. "My morning is open, so you can come by my office anytime. The third floor window will be open."

Looking around his study, Aurelius finds himself at a loss.

"Should I prepare some...oil for refreshments?"

"No, you can pick up any you need and I'll cover the cost. I wouldn't know which kind to choose myself."

By the time Uzi's arrived, he's brewed one of Mira's gifted tea mixes to sip for himself.

[bitemedotmp3]

Drones have the ability to sort through their own memories, and Uzi's done it plenty of times. If something's cringe or really sad, you just delete it! Easy! She's mildly curious if Mina can pull up memories someone doesn't recall or literally doesn't have, but that's a big ask for someone you've met three minutes ago. One thing at a time.

"Nah, it's the opposite, actually." she says, waving a hand dismissively. "I was just in school back home, but now I don't have to do that anymore- thank robo-god, honestly. Sooooo boring, it's always do this homework, don't draw on the desks, give your classmate back his sentience, blah blah blah. If you've never been, then you dodged a bullet. Maybe even the whole gun."

They do have a school in Spirale, but they'd have to use a really big magnet to get Uzi to even step foot inside a classroom. The art classes in the museum don't count.

"I mean, I didn't need cash where I came from, but now I gotta buy all my own stuff, so I'm probably just gonna start a business. Just something small, probably electronics repair. I mean, I'm probably one of the most advanced machines in this place, so I figure I'm more than qualified to fix people's stuff. So, y'know, if you ever drop your phone or whatever, just hit me up."

Or maybe Mira doesn't even know what a phone is. Whatever the case, one of Uzi's wings sags a bit as she wonders, causing her to stumble in midair again. Groaning, she waves a hand, causing a triangular purple sigil to form around a floating piece of rock nearby before dragging it over to her. "Sorry about that," she says, clambering atop it. "Not super great at hovering yet. Haven't had these things for too long, and it's harder than it looks."

Lying to her? Space cadet shtick? She's not following what the other is getting at with some of those words, but she had no reason to lie to her. Part of her feels the need to try and clarify that she isn't lying, but she isn't sure how to go about it since she already thinks she's already thought to be doing so. Strange conundrum this was to be in.

"Very well, if it makes you feel better than by all means, do so... Although, that isn't really how my ability works."

All Mira can do is give a small light-hearted shrug when being told she'd keep an eye on her for anything 'suspicious'. as most had already found her odd or strange, so she isn't sure what else would set off such things.

Upon seeing her struggle in the air for a moment to rebalance herself, Mira moves on habit to try and stabilize her, hand reaching out before remembering she cannot touch her here. Stopping herself, she's moving back as Uzi rights herself, making sure to fold her hands together to make sure they don't move again.

Her gaze follows Uzi's towards where Spirale is, before she's looking back towards her with head tilting to the side. Was it really she was out of work, or more so she just 'couldn't' while actually in the city? Because obviously her abilities worked while they were here, just not there for some reason beyond her right now.

"Has it also 'put' you out of your own work? If you had one while in your world that is."

[bitemedotmp3]

Uzi almost laughs. AM's voice sounds like he should be whispering evil advice into the ear of a sickly king, but you gotta play the hand you're dealt in Spirale. "I don't trust you," she says, shrugging. "But I'll give you a chance. I've dealt with killer robots before, so it'd be kind of hypocritical of me to not do that much. And who knows, maybe you'll prove me wrong."

Hell, she's a killer robot now. Maybe she just owes it to a fellow murderous AI.

The tone of the moment shifts as AM's skeletal digits touch the phone. For once, he seems... gentle? Thoughtful? It's hard to say, so Uzi just watches. Fixing a phone isn't super hard, it's mostly to see if AM's only programmed to wage nuclear genocide, or if he's got marketable skills too. "Well, not exactly a tough diagnosis, but hopefully you won't have too much difficulty with the replacement, either," she says.

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes again, Uzi reaches under the table and pulls out her toolbox, opening it to reveal her collection of doodads, gizmos, actual tools, and replacement parts. "You literally asked. There's like four people from my world, and that's not even counting all the other robots or whatever that're around. I'm just saying, you've destroyed, what, one planet? Sort of? She's done at least six. And she already promised to come after me, so I'm just trying to make sure I'll be ready when she does. But if you've got better things to do, then whatever."

Frankly, it'll probably be better for her emotional well-being to have allies who aren't pricks, but she's thinking that if AM's built for war, he might know some stuff about cyber warfare that she doesn't. Or maybe this ends up with an Absolute Solver-infected Allied Mastercomputer and everyone in the city is turbo-fucked. Well, whatever. Uzi just watches in idle silence as AM works, before a thought occurs to her. "You break anything, you pay me back for it," she says, leaning back in her chair.

Uzi's comment has AM snorting, a very undignified sound from a somewhat dignified machine. She really doesn't know anything about him and AM decides to keep it that way, unclenching his fingers from digging trenches in the table.

Truthfully, he felt better than ever. Sure, he still floundered to come up with original concepts, lashed against his programming of number crunching and total annihilation but...it was different here. He could *move* here, could follow the weather as more than data on a screen, could touch the soft fur of an animal in the pet store or wrap himself in clothing. The fur caught in his servos and the clothing sat badly on him but, still. Just because he had murderous impulses didn't mean that, clients would run screening from him (although they should run, for their own sake). "I'm more....restrained than I was before," is all he appears to want to say before AM's voice cracks with a smile. "Trust me, Uzi."

He says no more on it, dropping his gaze to the phone. He picks it up with a delicate touch he hadn't shown anything else in Uzi's apartment, turning it over in his spindly fingers. It isn't the exact model of his own phone but close enough that he can diagnose the problem. He raises it to his screen and shakes it, listening for any loose components and finding none. His fingers then trace the spiderweb of cracks across the lower half of the screen. "The screen is cracked. It will need to be replaced. I didn't hear anything rattling around in there so you didn't hit it all that hard." Even a neutral statement comes across as condescending.

He places the phone down in front of Uzi, rattling the table."I don't care about AI from your world. They aren't here, are they?" He supposes that she's trying to emasculate him, knock him down a few pegs. "It's just you, me, that other one that looks like you, and all these disgusting humans in this city. So spare me your little tales and hand over the tools." He holds out an upturned palm, the very picture of demanding.

[bitemedotmp3]

Stupid. Why is she getting so worked up over being friends? Uzi stares at her fractured reflection, her yellow-violet eyes hollowed out and ringed with frustration. She's already bad at dealing with her emotions, who knew that things were just gonna get more complicated after they beat Cyn? Who knew they'd get kidnapped and Cyn would come back and N wouldn't be here and Uzi would spend so much time with V and V would actually be kind of nice and Uzi would like hanging out with her and V would sleep over pretty much every night and Uzi has to admit she is pretty hot and they keep getting close to each other and Uzi finds herself wondering how much closer she can get-

The edge of the vanity cracks under Uzi's grip, and she flinches away. Stupid worker drone strength. And she feels stupid for not wanting to be honest with herself, because this is all really similar to how she felt with N.

She has a crush on V.

"Fuuuuuuuccccckkkkkk," Uzi groans, letting her head fall against the counter. "This sucks." She doesn't know what to do with this info. She has a boyfriend she hasn't seen in five months, and she doesn't want to like, cheat on him. But she also likes spending time with V, and she doesn't want to stop being friends. Plus, there's no way in robo-hell that V would ever have feelings for a dorky worker drone. Isn't she dating Lizzie, anyways? Pretty sure she is.

V's voice comes through the bathroom door, and Uzi glances over. She can't tell her, but maybe she can just... smooth over that outburst? Yeah, her social skills have gotten way better, so she can totally do this! Uzi opens the door, shooting V a pair of finger guns, because Thad always made it seem so effortless.

"Wwwwwe don't need to talk about it! Just a regular ol' emotional outburst courtesy of robo-hormones! You know how it is!" She tries to display a cool pair of sunglasses on her visor, but a HEAT WARNING pops up instead, and Uzi slaps her hand over her face. "Uh, that's normal too! Just haven't eaten in a while! Just been... having so much... fun lately."

She tries to lean back against the doorframe, but misses and stumbles. When she recovers, she flashes another awkward smile. "Instead of talking about... things, wouldn't you rather just watch a slasher flick? I know you love violence!"

∞ V's visor squeaked several times as her eyes opened and closed in quick succession. She really hadn't been sure where whatever Uzi was trying to say was going. She hadn't expected it to culminate in an outburst, and she certainly hadn't expected the outburst to deal with these particular topics. Well, that wasn't true. V had kind of had a feeling, but she'd been worried about assuming in correctly. Just hearing it was reassuring in a way, but it was also opening a can of worms she'd been trying to avoid.

She couldn't even get a word in edgewise before ran off. "UZI DOORMAN!" V shouted after her, but it clearly hadn't worked. That left her to quietly rub at her own arm, making a softer expression that contrasted the hardened one she'd been putting on during their conversation.

"Well, this is ass." Was Mika home? Hopefully she hadn't heard all of that. This wasn't exactly how she was expecting her night to go, all things considered.

Head hanging low, she wandered out into the hall and in front of the bathroom door. "You know, if you keep telling me to bite you I might actually do it someday." She said through the door. It was meant as a joke to lighten the mood, but could it be considered a joke when she'd tried before? "Uh... never mind. Do you want to talk about all that... or whatever?"

[bitemedotmp3]

"I mean, I like to think she occasionally does other things. You know, like, uh... All her... hobbies... Man, I didn't think that before, but now I do. Thanks," says Uzi, still perched on the sill like a gargoyle. "I try not to think about her if I can help it."

Uzi tries to swat V's poke away, but almost ends up losing her balance instead, flailing her arms to stop herself from falling backwards. "Bite me, I wasn't into it! I just knew that if you got lost you would've, like, melted a hole in the ice or something. Besides, N's been helping me practice! I mean, he was, before..." A sigh, and a shrug before she turns around.

"You're sooo mean to me, V, I'm not sure I can take it anymore! Guess I'm just gonna have to... Bye!" Cackling, Uzi leaps from the window. It's only three stories up, so not enough time to enjoy the fall before her wings erupt from her back and send her swooping into the air. Her own wings lack the disassembly drone's propulsion functions, so it takes a few flaps to bring her back up to the window.

"See? I can fly fine! In fact... Last one there sleeps on the floor tonight!" Not waiting for a reply, she turns and tears off into the night, leathery wings flapping and taking her to where she's pretty sure the theater is.

∞ "Does it make sense? Aren't you assuming Cyn doesn't just know where we are at all times anyways? I've been assuming she's always keeping tabs on us somehow." That was just how Cyn operated. Even if Uzi escaped, nothing was probably stopping Cyn from finding her again. It was just better to operate assuming the worst case scenario was always possible with her.

V did not affirm it.

"Even if you did buy a new one, dork, it still wouldn't be as big as a theatre screen!" She smirked and poked Uzi in the forehead gently with her free hand now that they were an arm's length apart. She raised a brow when Uzi suggested carrying her. "Last I checked you can barely fly without carrying another drone, so I'll pass."

"Should I carry you though? You seemed pretty into being dragged around by my tail when we did that maze."

[bitemedotmp3]

" who hasnt had gsy thoughts?"

"I mean, it's only natural to be curious about these kinds of things," says Eiden. "You're kind of... exploring your identity. Even if nothing changes!"

Uzi just... frowns. "I don't need a lecture on this? I don't know why you think I do."

"You're at that age, right? Where you've got all these new emotions, you're figuring things out-"

"Oh my god you're not my frickin' dad! I don't need The Talk from you!" Not that The Talk from her dad was anything more than a stern warning. And even though she is going through robo-puberty, Eiden doesn't need to know it!

"Well, I kind of figured you don't need to know about... certain stuff, but the emotional side is important too! And I know you're here without your parents, so I figured you could use some help!" Eiden gives her a smile, and Uzi wants to knock all his teeth out.

"I'm a robot, how you could possibly know about me?!"

"Well, I might not know much about robots, but I do know a lot about gay thoughts! And you spend a lot of time with that other- what are you called -drone, right? So I figure-"

The corners of Uzi's visor light up bright purple, and a pair of leathery wings shoot out from her back. The claws on their tips grab onto Eiden's collar, pulling him down to her eye level. "I'm not having gay thoughts about V!" she shouts, well aware of how defensive she's being. "I have a frickin' boyfriend, just because I think she's hot doesn't mean I wanna date her!"

"I-I didn't even say anything about dating!" he says, eyes darting from her weird-looking wings, the tail that's hissing at him, and her angry expression. "Just that it's normal to think about those kinds of things! And it's not, like, being unfaithful to just think someone is attractive!"

Uzi's furrowed brow and fanged grimace flicker. "R-really?"

Sensing an out, Eiden dives at it. "Really! That kind of thinking is perfectly normal! It matters how you act on those thoughts!"

The wings loosen their grips slightly, and Eiden thinks that, maybe, his interaction with this teenage robot might end well. He doesn't know what she's really thinking, but this is better than her calling him cringe or whatever she normally does.

"He used to have a crush on her," she mumbles.

Eiden blinks. "Uh?"

"I haven't seen him in... five months, now."

"Well-"

"We just started dating. It hadn't even been a week! And now I'm here and he's..."

"I know that-"

"She's nice. She's warm. She's nicer than everyone thinks and she's super cool."

"Um-"

"And hot."

He doesn't really know what she's talking about, but he can kind of guess. So he just... reaches out and put a hand on her head. "These kinds of things are confusing, and you're young. Even adults mess it up!"

She snorts. "Even old people, like you?"

"Even- hey."

Chuckling, Uzi releases her grip, and her wings and tail retract into her body. "Fine. You live, this time. But if you tell anyone about this, I'll frickin' kill you."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Like, if I see you in public, I'm gonna pretend I don't know you."

The gentle smile on his face falters. "That's a little rude."

Uzi shrugs. "Yeah, well. Angsty teen, I don't know what you expected."

[bitemedotmp3]

And they say romance is dead ♥

[bitemedotmp3]

"Well, it's not like there's a ton of other things to do around here," says Uzi, shrugging. "Unless you like, work a nine-to-five or something."

Although part of that is probably her own sun-enforced schedule; by the time she can actually go out, a lot of stores are either closed or preparing to shut down for the night. So what else is there to do besides stay at home and watch TV with your vampire roommate? Even if she won't watch most anime because she keeps saying it's 'nerd shit,' but whatever!

"But I mean, part of the fun is just watching whatever you want to. Sometimes there's some real gems where you wouldn't expect them, it's basically like dumpster diving."

Folding her arms, she sighs. "Well, since I'm feeling generous... Mushi-shi is a good one most people haven't heard of. Record of Lodoss War is a classic. Cyborg 009 is kind of... well, maybe a human would enjoy it more than me. Guin Saga, Wolf's Rain, Revolutionary Girl Utena... That's more than enough, should be a good starting point, right? I used to have some up here-" she taps at the side of her head "-but it's easier now that I have a PC."

But all of these series are classics to Uzi. They're all at least one-thousand years old, but everyone knows any anime from after the 2300s isn't worth watching. "Lot of this stuff is really hard to find where I come from. Kinda nice not to have to dig through someone's frozen corpse for a DVD or something."

"Only a little taken. But I ain't going to argue with you there"

Not like she was the one animating it in the first place. Although some of those shows sounded eerily familiar Jill couldn't quite remember the titles of any the shows she managed to either binge out over the course of a day or a week. It was always something that she did in her spare time rather then shouting it to the heavens. The last thing she needed was some weirdo pulling up to the bar and annoying everyone else with their vast knowledge on "Madnug" or whatever was popular nowadays.

"And you'd be right I do know some of the shows out here but I don't got the time to shift through every single one like you seem to have." No offense to the drone. If anything that was some next level dedication and bucket loads of free time...

"So I might as well ask someone who knows their stuff rather then waste my time. Even if I'm bound to come across something "junky" that turns out to be actually alright."

[bitemedotmp3]

‘  who hasn’t had gay thoughts?  ’

Uzi looks up at V, cocking a brow. She's sitting with her legs in V's lap, and their tails are gently twined, but, like, only as friends! "What... brought this on?" she asks, gesturing to the screen in front of them. "The movie? The Mummy? This movie made you think that?"

V nods, not taking her eyes from the TV. Uzi can see a desert scene reflected on her glasses, the characters yelling about- surprise! -a mummy. "They're both hot, right? The guy and the girl?"

Looking back at the movie, Uzi frowns. "I guess? Never really thought of humans as hot."

"Well, you never even met any until you came here, I guess. But you get what I'm saying, right?" V's eyes flick to Uzi for a moment until some guy starts getting eaten by bugs, which snaps her attention back to the movie. "Wow, humans really love coming up with fucked up ways to kill each other, huh?"

"They really do, but back up. What do you mean 'you get what I'm saying?'" says Uzi, sitting up a bit. Already, she can feel her core thrumming just a tiny bit harder, because robo-god only know where this conversation is going.

"Huh? Well you think I'm hot, right? I mean, you literally said it in front of Cyn. 'Weirdly-hot robots?'" says V. She gives a cackle as something violent happens to another hapless human in the movie before grinning down at Uzi. "Hey, does that mean you think J's hot, too?"

"Oh my robo-god, shut the fuck up!" hisses Uzi. She reaches behind her head and swings a pillow at V's face, cutting off the other drone's laugh and hopefully stopping her from seeing her blush. "That was a heat-of-the-moment thing! I just thought we might die so I wasn't thinking straight!"

V tosses the pillow away, still grinning. "Heh. Yeah, you were thinking gay."

Uzi kicks V in the shins. "If I'd known you were gonna keep bringing it up I would've said 'weirdly-annoying robots!' Bite me!"

"You bite-sized brat," growls V. Faster than Uzi can react, V grabs hold of one of her wrists and drags her upright so that the two drones are face-to-face. "You shouldn't say that someone who actually might, you know. One day, I might get hungry and take it as an invitation."

With a wide, fanged smile, V's visor displays a familiar golden X shape, and she gives a creepy giggle. Uzi winces as V's hot exhaust washes over her face, giving off the scent of smoke and iron that she kinda likes. The breath of a hunter, the smell of blood and gunpowder, chokes her throat, and she coughs a few times.

"You frickin' weirdo, two can play at that game, you know!" Matching V's toothy grin, Uzi's tongue lolls out from her mouth, and her visor displays the triangular mark of the Absolute Solver. A pair of leathery wings sprout from her back, and her tail's maw chomps down on V's stinger.

"Aw, feeling threatened?" says V, leaning in. "Don't worry, I can be gentle. Wouldn't want to leave marks."

Uzi can't help the laugh that escapes her lips; doing this always makes her feel giddy, for some reason. "You do that, and I'll tear your core out and keep it in a jar somewhere."

V leans in. "You're a freak."

Uzi matches her. "Takes one to know one."

The two drones continue their weird attempts at dominance, inching closer and closer until their foreheads are almost touching. And when any more movement means they'd be pressed together, a brief jolt of electricity arcs between them, making Uzi back off.

"Ow, the hell was that? Static? That was weird," she says, her visor blipping back to a pained expression. She rubs the spot on her head, looking to V. "You good?"

V's just sitting there, her eyes just a pair of hollow ovals. After a moment, she blinks a few times, looking at Uzi. "I-I'm fine. Look, just rewind the movie, you made me miss some stuff."

"I made you- ugh, whatever." Reaching for the remote, Uzi turns away to rewind the film. And she's grateful for it, because holy shit what just happened? Her entire visor must be bright purple right now, and it takes a monumental effort to keep her hand from trembling too much.

This isn't fair.

Trying to stifle her flushing cheeks, Uzi looks back up to her roommate. "Uh, V, what you said earlier, do you also-"

V is wiping her glasses along her coat collar, but it isn't hard for Uzi to spot the faint blush lines that color her visor. "Do I also what?" she says, a bit flatly.

It's really not fair.

"Nevermind," says Uzi, turning back to the movie. She unpauses as the guy's getting eaten by bugs again, and V's chuckle helps to quell some of the awkwardness in the air. And so Uzi just... pretends like nothing happened. She lays her legs across V's, she lets her tail relax, and-

"Stop it," says V, swatting at Uzi's tail. "You keep... nibbling on me."

True enough, Uzi's tail is still latched onto V's stinger, gently gnawing on the vial. "Oh, uh, sorry," she says, yanking it away. "Thing has a mind of its own sometimes."

V rolls her eyes, but says nothing. For a moment, her own tail thumps the mattress before lying in a loose coil atop Uzi's lap. And as tempting as it is to Uzi to reach out and grab it, it's probably better not to make the situation more weird than it already is.

[bitemedotmp3]

‘  i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.  ’

"Bite me! I said I was sorry!" shouts Uzi, on her hands and knees. With a pair of long rubber gloves, one of her arms is submerged elbow-deep in a bucket of soapy water, and the other wields a bristly scrub that she drags back and forth across the tile in a futile motion.

"I just don't see why you had to leave the oil can open," snaps Mika, pouring detergent into her own bucket. "Oil doesn't go in the kitchen!"

"The kitchen's for food, and that's my food!" Uzi slams the scrub down, splashing bubbles onto her visor. "You're being... racist? Something like that."

"No, I'm being reasonably upset that you spilled a bottle of drone oil on the floor! It's... it's dirty, if it got on any food I'd have to throw it out!" Mika draws an arm across her brow, sighing. "At least it didn't get on my clothes..."

"Humans cook with oil all the time, why is this such a big deal?"

Mika kneels back on her feet, dunking her sponge into the bucket. "It's not the same. That's cooking oil, you can eat it. Your oil is for engines. Listen, if I spilled a bottle of... of olive oil in your room, you wouldn't be happy, would you?"

Uzi thinks back to the time she spilled oil on one of her old hoodies, instantly transforming it from a nice article of clothing into a piece of garbage. Or, robo-god forbid, imagine if she got it on her hair. She still doesn't have any replacement wigs in this city yet, and if someone saw her bald she'd have to find out if worker drones had a self-destruct function tucked away somewhere.

"I guess not," she says, frowning. "Fine, fine, you win. I don't care enough to fight about it, anyways."

"That's surprising, coming from you. You were yelling about the Sailor Moon remake the other day," says Mika, laughing.

"Crystal didn't need to exist! The original was fine!" shouts Uzi. "Clearly, I only fight about important things!"

"Like anime."

"Like anime!"

Mika laughs again, and Uzi huffs. A short silence ensues as the two girls work at the oil stains, and Mika marvels at how much cleaner it all looks.

"I think we're almost done, Uzi. Uzi?" she looks back to see her housemate, head lowered to the floor, making slurping sounds-

"A-are you drinking the oil off the floor?" she asks, eyes wide.

Uzi snaps upright, a neon purple blush on her visor. "N-no! Maybe! Bite me! I'm not gonna let it to go waste, I paid for it!"

"But it's mixed with water and soap now, there's no way it's okay for you to drink."

"No, over here it's okay. Haven't washed this part yet."

"Well, maybe you should! Because the sooner we're done, the sooner you can... I don't know, watch more anime, I guess."

"Whatever, mom."

The two lapse back into silence, grumbling at each other in their thoughts. Both are so focused on cleaning that neither of them notice V enter the room, drawn to that delicious smell. But when she sees both Uzi and Mika furiously scrubbing at a greasy, black stain on the ground, she backs away without saying a word. She used to work as a maid for rich assholes, she's had enough of cleaning for one life.

[bitemedotmp3]

✰  —  —  *  PARKS & RECREATION SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  i tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and i broke everything.  ’ ‘  i typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.  ’ ‘  there’s only one thing i hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.  ’ ‘  don’t be such a baby. i cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.  ’ ‘  i really only listen to german death reggae and halloween sound effects records from the 1950s.  ’ ‘  whenever she asks me for the latin names of any of our plants, i just give her the names of rappers.  ’ ‘  i once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks.  ’ ‘  i didn’t actually sell my last car, i just forgot where i parked it.  ’ ‘  i don’t know who al gore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask.  ’ ‘  when they say 2% milk, i don’t know what they other 98% is.  ’ ‘  i’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days so i’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  ’ ‘  upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me.  ’ ‘  since i am not a rabbit, no, i do not want a salad.  ’ ‘  you’re like an angel with no wings.  ’ ‘  oh my god you have to stop using the word ‘nipple.’  ’ ‘  you’re right, i know. i have to be a grown up… but it’s so hard!  ’ ‘  i was reading an encyclopedia and i tripped or ‘fell over’ and hit my head. or ‘brain helmet.’  ’ ‘  oh my god, your boobs are dead.  ’ ‘  i have a medical condition, alright! it’s called caring too much and it’s incurable!  ’ ‘  he put all my records into this rectangle! the songs just play one right after the other! this is an excellent rectangle!  ’ ‘  if i keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, i will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.  ’ ‘  guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.  ’ ‘  jogging is the worst. i mean, i know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost?  ’ ‘  i have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.  ’ ‘  i know this and i love you.  ’ ‘  that’s too much responsibility. i gotta find a way out of this.  ’ ‘  you are a wonderful person. your friendship means a lot to me and you look very beautiful.  ’ ‘  i was kind of getting sick of listening to them talk about their relationship, but then i remembered that alcohol existed.  ’ ‘  i got stung once and i’m immune. go ahead and sting me, bees! it does nothing!  ’ ‘  i’m not afraid of cops! i have no reason to be. i never break any laws, ever… because i’m deathly afraid of cops.  ’ ‘  i’m fine. it’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and i’m always tired.  ’ ‘  there will be alcohol there, so i will go as well.  ’ ‘  i can’t go because i don’t want to.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna stay angry, i find that relaxes me!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to seem overdramatic, but i don’t really care what happens here.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna leave early and go home.  ’ ‘  if any of you need anything at all, too bad.  ’ ‘  you have never been neutral on anything in your life. you have an opinion on pockets.  ’ ‘  dance up on me!  ’ ‘  i have an idea, it’s very uncool. it’s not illegal, technically. but it is a dick move.  ’ ‘  one time my refrigerator stopped working. i didn’t know what to do. i just moved.  ’ ‘  you’re stupid and you’re drunk and you’re stupid.  ’ ‘  you don’t even know one thing. i didn’t even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and i didn’t even do it once.  ’ ‘  i’m like an elephant, okay? if i walk into a room, it’s like, ‘oh he’s in there.’  ’ ‘  bababooey.  ’ ‘  mac and cheese pizza?! you’re making that?!  ’ ‘  i was dying earlier today. and then i died. now i’m dead.  ’ ‘  the only thing i will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.  ’ ‘  i have been kind of tense lately. just thinking about the new star wars sequel.  ’ ‘  it does look sad. kind of. sorry for stepping on you, floor.  ’ ‘  if you rearrange the letters of peru, you can spell europe.  ’ ‘  you’re as guilty as you are sexy.  ’ ‘  this maze is like a maze.  ’ ‘  sometimes when i blow my nose, i get a boner. i don’t know why. it just happens.  ’ ‘  so i feel like you were mad at me yesterday and i don’t know why so i made a list of everything i did and i’m gonna try not to do any of them again.  ’ ‘  no, i’m not crying, okay? i’m allergic to jerks!  ’ ‘  i don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are… actually, it’s going to bug me if i don’t.  ’ ‘  with all due respect, you’re a major dick.  ’ ‘  the calzones… betrayed me?  ’ ‘  who hasn’t had gay thoughts?  ’ ‘  do you think a depressed person could make this? no!  ’ ‘  i like your energy. what do you say you and i ride go-karts later?  ’ ‘  three words: treat. yo. self.  ’ ‘  treat yo self. it’s the best day of the year!  ’ ‘  i’ll tell you what. here’s the deal. if you get fired, i’ll quit, and we’ll leave together. i’m serious! move to a new city, change our names… burn our fingertips off with acid… swap faces… if we have to.  ’ ‘  monsters don’t have souls? uh, have you seen monsters inc?  ’ ‘  i make my money the old fashioned way: i got run over by a lexus.  ’ ‘  i took this thing called ‘zapvigil’ which apparently is what israeli fighter pilots use to stay awake so… right now it looks like i’m talking to a giant crab. stay away from me crab!  ’ ‘  well, you suck at being polite, sir.  ’ ‘  at one point, for no reason, i just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.  ’ ‘  three, two, one, and my shift’s over… what the fuck is your problem?!  ’ ‘  math is worthless in real life. i mean, there’s an app for calculating tips. that’s all you need.  ’ ‘  your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely.  ’ ‘  just because i can’t go out with him, someone else can? wow.  ’ ‘  oh, this is bad. i should not have done this.  ’ ‘  she’s the worst person i’ve ever met. i want to travel the world with her.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, no. i’m not lonely. i have me.  ’ ‘  i love watching russian traffic accidents on youtube while i play children’s music at the wrong rpm.  ’ ‘  god, i am so annoyed that he would hypothetically do that.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, rule-breaking moth.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.  ’ ‘  you beautiful tropical fish.  ’ ‘  hope no one minds if i livetweet this bitch!  ’ ‘  i just want to hear the doctor say that he had a fart attack. is that too much to ask?  ’ ‘  the only things i like are dogs and sleeping late.  ’ ‘  it kind of sucks that i’m super broke and i want to buy you stuff and it’s embarrassing that i can’t.  ’ ‘  i don’t want anything. i just want to hang out with you.  ’ ‘  you’ve killed my spirit. my spirit’s blood is on your hands.  ’ ‘  i hate people.  ’ ‘  you can see the stars, which i hate. they’re creepy.  ’ ‘  i will kill you slowly with a giant syringe.  ’ ‘  what? i love garbage.  ’ ‘  i only tell the truth when it makes me sound like i’m lying.  ’ ‘  i want to be burned at the stake.  ’ ‘  i’m going to murder you a thousand times.  ’ ‘  people who buy things are suckers.  ’ ‘  this is 100% certified for realskis.  ’ ‘  well, if there’s anyone who can bring my parents together, it’s no one. no one can ever bring them together.  ’ ‘  getting married is the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do because every day you come home and you’re just like, ‘what? it’s you! i love you! you’re my sexy roommate. we love each other.’  ’ ‘  i am 100% certain that i am 0% sure of what i’m going to do.  ’ ‘  my anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours.  ’ ‘  maybe we should find the person who stole your positive attitude.  ’ ‘  scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. i believe i am that human being.  ’ ‘  messy is fun, okay? my whole life is a giant mess and i love it.  ’ ‘  friendship is better because friends help you move. they drive you to the airport. boyfriends just… love you and marry you.  ’ ‘  i hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.  ’ ‘  everything hurts and i’m dying.  ’ ‘  i need you to text me every 30 seconds saying everything’s gonna be okay.  ’ ‘  let me just say, from the bottom of my heart: my bad.  ’ ‘  there are no consequences to my actions anymore. i’m like a white, male u.s. senator.  ’ ‘  hey, are you busy? and writing star trek fan fiction does not count.  ’ ‘  what do we…? like, what do we do? like, what do we do? um, how- how do we- how…? how… how… how? what do we do?!  ’ ‘  oh, also, i have a little secret… i’m drunk.  ’ ‘  i do say the cutest stuff.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to cause a panic… news flash: we’re screwed!  ’ ‘  velvet slippies, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle. i’m a cashmere-velvet candy cane.  ’ ‘  you shut your mouth! you have all the strengths!  ’ ‘  never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.  ’ ‘  i’m a simple man. i like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.  ’ ‘  i guess i kind of hate most things, but i never really seem to hate you.  ’ ‘  time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. let’s go!  ’ ‘  i have no idea what i’m doing, but i know i’m doing it really, really well.  ’ ‘  ovaries before brovaries.  ’ ‘  sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.  ’ ‘  i have never taken the high road, but i tell people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.  ’ ‘  just remember, every time you look up at the moon, i, too, will be looking at a moon. not the same moon, obviously. that’s impossible.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna go live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.  ’ ‘  i love games that turn people against each other.  ’ ‘  i don’t care about that prize, but i’m gonna win because i want his happiness to go away.  ’ ‘  that is the coolest sentence i have ever heard somebody talk.  ’ ‘  i wanted to make fun of stupid people while i get drunk. my two true passions.  ’ ‘  i am big enough to admit that i am often inspired by myself.  ’ ‘  if i could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, i would.  ’

[bitemedotmp3]

"Well, there's plenty more candy monsters, so maybe by the end of this you'll feel better? It's like a free rage room! Robo-god knows I've smashed a few cars back home after a bad day." Skeletons too, but it doesn't seem appropriate to announce that.

The candy sharks fade away with a final laugh, and Uzi relishes in the silence. This first encounter was pretty straightforward, but that's because it's the first, right? Pretty standard RPG rules is to have the difficulty escalate, so presumably they'll be fighting a licorice lich or something by the end of this.

Uzi shrugs in response, turning back to the main street. "Figured you'd wanna have both hands free for fighting, 'cuz there's no way I could carry them unless you wanted some chocolate puddles by the end of this. Let's just... I dunno, hide 'em by the entrance, and we'll grab 'em on our way out. These places are probably instanced, right? To prevent griefing?"

They haven't seen anyone else so far, but who knows? Maybe if they overextend, they'll get ganked by another opportunistic party. The Stars would probably encourage PvP, after all.

With a small sigh, Uzi twirls the wand in her hands. She's got some thoughts of her own she'd like to shunt off in favor of candy dungeon crawling, so the sooner they get back on track, the better. "Just lemme know when you're ready, I guess. One down, five to go. If someone were writing this out, they'd probably, like, skip some of it for brevity's sake, huh?"

"This is not nearly enough to get all of that stress out of my life in the slightest bit!" Maybe if they looked similar to beings from her world that irked her beyond belief but candy creatures didn't really hit that high at all. Still Mika being a one woman army was par for the course against defenseless individuals. Maybe the plan would've been better just sending Uzi to grab it through all the distractions.

Still before anyone or thing could cause further problems the fight was already over. A little bit quicker then she expected but not something Mika was about to complain about. Not when there was plenty more of these guarded by unfortunately suspicious individuals.

"Well I was going to carry them around until we found a safe space. There was plenty of empty area before we got here so surely there's somewhere we can stash 'em till then right?"

[bitemedotmp3]

"Nngh. Yeah. Uzi's good. 'S good. Aurelius, right? Right."

She stifles a yawn, taking a moment to check the time- 9 AM, ugh -and thinking she should've added a 'preferred hours' to her flyer. Like, yeah, she doesn't have a human sleep schedule, but it's hard to go outside during the day without the sun-eclipsing toxic death storm that hung heavy over Copper 9.

Rolling out of bed, Uzi rubs at her visor as she fumbles for her tools. "Either one's fine. Prob'ly faster for me to come to you 'cuz I can fly, buuuuuut..."

Pulling the curtain aside an inch, sunlight spills from the gap and makes her fingers sizzle. "Eesh. Extra charge for daylight hours, since I need to use some strongscreen. Like vampire rules, except I'm not a vampire. I've got a different curse. Anyways." She gives him a figure, something only slightly higher than her usual rate. Just something to compensate her for Marketplace goods.

It would be nice to do some flying anyways; turns out it doesn't come up as often as you might think. "Up to you," says Uzi, putting all her stuff in a pile. "If it sounds good, I can leave in five minutes."

@bitemedotmp3 ໒꒱

"Miss—" The name escapes his lips before he corrects it midway with a pause. "—Uzi."

"I believe that's what you preferred? It's been a while since we've last talked."

He taps a finger on the table as he speaks, the other hand holding a cell phone to his ear as he stares down a blue screen of death in front of him.

"It's a little embarrassing to say, but my work computer seems to have stopped working. Do you do on-site consultations, or should I take it to you?"

"...Of course I'll pay for any travel fees you need."