#the real reason the courier wants them dead

[dykedvonte]

A good evening to everyone but whoever gave Swank and Benny those ratty little mustaches in the All Roads comic. I hope ur pillows are warm and ur comforter stiff.

[youhideastar]

WujiWatch: CQL Rewatch Episode 24

I’ll be honest – I find this episode really hard to watch. Wei Wuxian is so deeply unhappy. He’s expected to do a job that he used to love but physically can no longer do—but he can’t disclose the fact that he can’t do it, so instead it looks like he’s just being an asshole. The two people he loves most in the world keep trying to force him to go back to being the person he used to be: Jiang Cheng pushing him into his old sect role as head disciple, and Jiang Yanli pushing him into his old family role of cheerful jokester. But he can’t be that Wei Wuxian anymore. That Wei Wuxian is—perhaps literally—dead. So instead, he wakes up every morning knowing that this will be yet another day in which he will be a disappointment to the people he loves most… but that escaping the situation—leaving Lotus Pier—would only hurt and disappoint them more. No wonder he’s drinking heavily to self-medicate.

Then along comes Lan Xichen. And for a moment, Wei Wuxian thinks maybe there’s a way out after all. He’ll go visit Lan Zhan! They’ll sit together in the library just like they used to—only this time, Lan Zhan will be the one making copies, and Wei Wuxian won’t have any responsibility except to keep him company. He spins the fantasy out in the air between them, wearing what finally looks like a real smile, thinking of a place he was happy, once – a place where he had, and would have, no real responsibilities at which he could fail. Thinking of a person who made him happy, who doesn’t need anything from him, who saw him at the Yunmeng Courier Station and knows very well that he’s not that happy-go-lucky kid anymore, who wouldn’t be disappointed—

And then Lan Xichen tells Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji still wants to try to “cure” him with spiritual music; that, if he went to Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji would expect him to try to pick up the sword path again. In other words, Lan Xichen reminds Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji, just as much as Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, wants Wei Wuxian to be someone else. That he’d be just as big a disappointment in Cloud Recesses as he is in Lotus Pier.

I am the last person to downplay Wei Wuxian’s sincerely altruistic reasons for helping Wen Qing rescue her brother and her people, two episodes down the road. But man, it also must be such a fucking relief for him to see a person who doesn’t expect him to be Past Wei Wuxian; to have at least one person from whom he need not—and cannot—conceal his brokenness.

[maccreadysbaby]

male fo4 companions +arcade & butch (bc I see them on your master list) rank them on being able to take care of a severely injured sole/lone/six?

Okay! this goes from best to worst, I really hope arcade and butch aren’t ooc! I try to do my research on them :)

Ranking Male Companions Taking Care of an Injured Sole/Lone/Six

Arcade is the best for very obvious reasons. It’s his job. As soon as Six is down, he knows what he’s doing and he executes flawlessly. Definitely griping at them while he works, but nonetheless, he gets everything done nice and tidy. Very capable of separating emotions and work, so he won’t have shaky hands or be panicking like some of the others. Will shamelessly call them dumb if they got hurt doing something dumb. He’s glad they’re okay, really, but also don’t be stupid and you won’t get hurt. Will withhold the stupid comments if it was a very serious injury, like they were shot or something.

10/10 - The best male companion to have on hand for Couriers that can’t stop getting hurt. (And his grumbling is entertaining.)

Nick may be a synth, and doesn’t require real first aid, but c’mon, he used to be a policeman! He still remembers most of that aid and is extremely knowledgeable and good at helping. He’s always a little hesitant about things like using his metal hand, but that won’t stop him from helping Sole. Tries to talk to them — distract them, even — and never fails to make them crack at least one smile. Unmatchably gentle, even more so than Preston. Will take them to a real doctor after but they probably won’t need much attention because Nick already covered it all. Can help with things from little scrapes to punctured lungs and does so with deadly accuracy, seems to somehow materialize medical supplies out of nowhere.

10/10 - Probably the most comforting companion to have by Sole’s side when they’re hurt.

Preston may not be a doctor, but he has the heart of a medic buried somewhere deep inside of him from his time with the Minutemen. Also very capable of keeping himself together while helping Sole. Unlike Arcade, when he works, he’s constantly asking Sole if they’re okay, how they’re feeling, what hurts, what else they need from him, etc. Sees them, momentarily, as just another one of his men because he works most efficiently like that. His face stays blank (but at least he doesn’t look angry.) Moves slow and treats them like they’re fragile. He knows surprisingly more first aid than anyone would think, but definitely wants to get them stable and to a real doctor.

10/10 - Good at what he does and unmistakably gentle, with words and first aid, while he does it.

Danse is no stranger to combat aid, though he isn’t the best with less casual, more complex aid. Will definitely be a little more nervous than the others while tending to Sole. Dead silent when he’s working because he’s trying so hard. Gritted teeth and set jaw, rarely muttering things quietly that Sole can’t really make out. Looks kind of angry the whole time just because he’s focusing so hard. But he will do a good job nonetheless, and is incredibly efficient at getting Sole to a real, trustworthy doctor afterwards. They always tell him he did a good job and it never fails to make a little smile quirk up on his little dork face. He’s actually just glad they’re okay.

9/10 - Sole will think he’s mad the whole time but he’s actually just trying really hard.

Deacon is cool as a cucumber on the outside, but internally, he freaks out. Constant rambling and so many jokes. Pretends like he knows what he’s doing but he’s always kinda winging it. He knows general first aid, but nothing major, and he’s really anxious about doing a good job. Probably tries too hard and screws up because he’s trying so hard. Pretends he didn’t screw up. His hands might shake just a little if the injury is particularly bad, but he’ll play it off cool. He ends up covered in blood and looking like he’s the one that was hurt. Looks worse than Sole. Isn’t bad at first aid, but isn’t good at it either?

Drops to a solid 7/10 — At least he pretends to know. Good at easing Sole’s nerves.

MacCready will start crying before he does anything. Can not panic internally. His hands hover, unsure of actually what to do, and shakes like a freaking arthritis patient. He is pretty good at first aid but the shaking and crying gets in the way. Always uses way too much medicine and might make Sole high. Hugely overcompensates, usually not in a good way, trying so hard to help them that he isn’t actually doing much good. He’s just panicking because they’re injured and he couldn’t save Lucy and what if he can’t save them, either? Will forget how to breathe, Sole will have to remind him not to hold his breath if they can. Will probably get dizzy and nauseous if he thinks of losing them. Can and will get it together (eventually) and provide little first aid.

6/10 - The fact that their caretaker is sobbing profusely and looks like he’s gonna pass out is never helpful for the nerves.

Hancock simply isn’t very good at first aid. He’s a ghoul, and his body is different than theirs, responds differently. Is internally crying, screaming, and throwing up. Will offer chems and then backpedal because they don’t need chems they need help. Shaky hands, shaky breaths, will need a hit of something because he can’t stop shaking. His first aid is messy and quick. He jabs them with so many needles they can’t even count them all, and he mumbles to himself under his breath the entire time like some kind of narrator. The thing he’s perhaps best at is locating and getting them to the nearest doctor in record time. Dude goes pedal to the freaking metal. Will stay annoyingly close and ask the doctor questions until they blow a gasket. He just wants his sunshine, the first friend he’s had that wasn’t just casual, to be okay.

5/10 - Sole’s probably incredibly high at the end of it but at least they’re alive, right?

Gage knows first aid, but the moment the overboss is injured, it all flies out the window. He drags them by their hair to someone more equipped for this crap. Probably grumbled at them about getting hurt in the first place. If he absolutely has to help, he is rough and just wants to get it over with and them to someone else. Will mutter under his breath the entire time with that dumb little accent. Incredibly violent with the first aid stuff. Tells them never to do this again because it’s annoying. Probably gets angry at the first aid supplies and throws them across the room or something to that degree, only to go grab them again because he actually needs them. Rolls his eyes a lot. He cares deep down, but he’s gonna give Sole a lot of crap about it for a while.

3/10 - Being reprimanded when you’re bleeding out usually isn’t great for the morale.

Butch has no earthly idea how to perform any more first aid than bandaging up knuckles and icing bruises, let’s be honest. He will definitely be panicking. The second most likely companion to start crying. Not from the past, like MacCready, but because Lone is injured and he doesn’t know what to do, he’s more useless in this situation than an actual bag of bricks and he feels so worthless and why do they even travel with him if he can’t help? Lone, being a doctors child, will probably have to talk him through the first aid step by step like the wikihow. Will get some of it wrong even if they tell him how to do it four or five times. Can’t really see because he’s freaking bawling but will try his best anyway. It’s probably in Lone (and his) best interests if they just go to a doctor.

2/10 - Honestly, not comforting or helpful in the slightest for him to be self-destructing while Lone’s trying to talk him into stitching them up before their organs fall out.

X6-88 immediately relays into the Institute. If it’s gone, immediately relays somewhere else. Very rarely does he do the actual first aid. Coursers don’t need standard first aid because they aren’t human, and they don’t get hurt as easily. Plus, when X6 gets hurt, he doesn’t deal with it himself, he just relays in. Knows what to do in the back of his mind but absolutely botches it if he tries. Is focusing so hard his tongue sticks out the side of his mouth but more focus makes it worse. He doesn’t actually know what he’s doing because he never does this crap. Will take them to someone qualified in human first aid and probably give them a lecture about tact and the fact that they need to not get hurt because he doesn’t have it.

1/10 - At least he doesn’t let Sole die without a lecture.

[nekioka]

I've mentioned a couple of times now that I'm writing FNV fanfic but I haven't mentioned my plan to force my brother to read it. He hasn't played FNV so I made a separate info document that should help him understand what's going on in the story. That document includes character introductions and for some reason I thought that it would be a great idea to draw a picture of every single character that appears in the story. Here's just some of the most important characters, further ramblings about them under the cut.

Yes Man - The best boy! Georgia may be loyal to House but she just couldn’t bring herself to destroy Yes Man. Instead she hid him in her apartment in Novac where he has been for years all alone. Don’t worry, he’s totally fine with it (:

Bingo - The previous leader of Boot Riders. He challenged Benny to a duel, which didn’t go well for Bingo. He might be dead but his legacy still lingers. In ‘All Roads’ comic there was one panel that showed what Boot Riders looked like so I based Bingo’s clothing on that panel combined with some of my own ideas.

Robert House - For once I wanted to draw him wearing something other than a suit. He’s interesting character because even though the fic revolves so much around him and other characters quostioning his decisions and actions I try to make him appear only rarely in-person.

Swank - It's hard to see but he holds jack of diamonds, the same card FNV collector's edition card deck assigned to him. While Benny was away Swank acted as temporal leader of Chairmen. Honestly he feels like even before that he was the one who actually run the place.

Benny - You all know him, he's one of the main characters! If Chairmen knew even half of the things he has done they would hate him. So he didn’t tell them any of the shady things he did. And to his bafflement he slowly realized that the only person he can be honest to is Georgia.

Georgia Well - Courier Six! The other main character! She may be widely admired around Mojave but she only lets very few people get to know the real her. And she absolutely latches onto those people. Unfortunately when she sided with House that caused domino effect that eventually caused her closest friends, Arcade and Boone, to leave her. So all she had left was House. Then Benny returned

Jane - In my version Jane was an actress who also happened to be literal rocket scientist. People tended to focus on former part of her identity while House became enamored with her because of the latter part.

Emily Ortal - In my fic Emily has become the new regional administrator of Followers of the Apocalypse. I like Julie Farkas but there were already too many characters and the story worked better if Emily had that role.

Dorothy de Struction - an OC. Some FNV characters are based on historical figures, for example House on Howard Hughes and Benny on Benjamin Siegel, and Dorothy is based on countess Dorothy Di Frasso. And if you know anything about the relationship between her and Siegel you can guess what kind of relationship this Dorothy has with Benny.

[w98pops]

How did Wendy get her courier job? 👀 If its not a spoiler for your story (if it is give me any headcanons/lore you want to instead)

The Nashes adopted her! Well, kinda.

By the time she met them Wendy was 5 years out of the Legion, so she wasn't really helpless. She was a pretty good hunter and a decent fisherman (still is) and survived mostly by hiding and hunting. With NCR influence spreading across the Mojave it became really really hard for a person to live independently without being claimed a raider and a squatter and getting shot (even if youre just a random homeless teenage girl), so she kinda moved into more close spaced area aka. started to just steal shit from people and live in their attics. That's how she met Nashes :)

They let her Wendy and employed her! She really liked her job & Johnson and Ruby. I like to think she reminded them of their son 😭.

Also she didn't deliver the package to the Divide in my canon. Wendy did walk the Lonesome Road™ but Ulysses called for her for different reason. I'm thinking about 'the sins of a father' type deal, but it can't be ALL about Aletus being a fucking dick. Or can! I'm still thinking about it, but one thing i know for sure: she knew Ulysses before the Divide and he did too.

Thats the only DLC that my Courier was a part of. With all respect, Old World Blues sucked ass (i hate the PENIS VAGINA CUM jokes that both OWB and Fallout 2 are build upon. It's just not funny and it's hard to focus on what little serious lore the campaign has with these annoying ass robots screaming about penises all the time 😭 Im sorry OWB fans I really tried to like this DLC) and I refuse to believe Honest Hearts are real. Dead Money is much fun but it would be really uncharacteristic for Wendy to try and believe the Sierra Madre stuff. She's a very simple person and she doesn't care about money :)

Also yeah Wendy totally kept in contact with Nashes post-canon and even frequently left little Sharky with them! He totally thought they were his real grandparents until he was 15.

A small small detail I just can't resist telling about!!! In his courier au, Aletus found this self-porktrait of wendy in Nashes' house. After he killed them. Because that how justice looks in the eyes of an unjust man.

[potatoesandsunshine]

“Amazing,” he babbles, while the Ranger’s sticking him with a stimpak. “She was... she was amazing. Quiet like death, loud like angels are.”

What the hell that means, Cass isn’t sure, but religious types’ll say all sorts of things when they’re messed up like this. The poor kid.

The second one makes it to them ten minutes later, just as unsteady, and he can’t say a damn thing. Just shakes his head, squinting his eyes against the lantern.

The third one comes walking up the road at dawn, arm slung over the Courier.

She’s bloody all over, it’s crusting in her hair and splashed on her boots, and she doesn’t quite stumble under his weight until the medic’s getting the soldier laid down.

“How many Legion left down there?” the Ranger asks her, ready to move his people in.

She looks at him, first rays of the sun glinting off the new machete at her side, and Cass is at that spot between drunk and sober where metaphors seem like the thing to do. The Courier’s the sun itself, bright and white hot, grin gleaming when she tells him, “Not a damn one.”

(From "there's no end to this road (but it's alright)")

thank you so much!!!!!!!!!! small jobs time!!!!

“Amazing,” he babbles, while the Ranger’s sticking him with a stimpak. “She was... she was amazing. Quiet like death, loud like angels are.”

so what happened here was, i listened to chasing twisters by delta rae about fifty thousand times while writing this installment. the courier... her cathedral is the badlands. does this line make me wince a little bit in hindsight? yes, it reads a bit corny. but it is still precious to me because of how earnestly i thought i was Doing Something with it at the time.

What the hell that means, Cass isn’t sure, but religious types’ll say all sorts of things when they’re messed up like this. The poor kid.

i have about ten thousand questions about religion in fallout. we know they have the bible, we know somehow mormons still exist, there’s interesting stuff re: churches in fallout 3 & 4, but i need to know more. there’s a reason it only gets mentioned as something peripheral in small jobs - i don’t have time to figure out what i think about it! there's probably a great meta post about this on this website somewhere but i haven't seen it yet. this is also a nice moment of sympathy from cass; i think about her dialogue around the people you encounter in the wasteland a lot, and in my opinion she’s a lot more sympathetic to general human suffering than she’d really like to be. when i’m writing her, and this was especially true earlier in small jobs, it’s important that her kindness always be begrudging. 

She’s bloody all over, it’s crusting in her hair and splashed on her boots, and she doesn’t quite stumble under his weight until the medic’s getting the soldier laid down.

my notes in the margin of the paper outline were: COURIER LIVES, MOST BEAUTIFUL THING CASS HAS EVER SEEN. she probably should have had worse fluids on her, considering she went through nelson with a machete, but i wrote that line out for being too gross.

She looks at him, first rays of the sun glinting off the new machete at her side, and Cass is at that spot between drunk and sober where metaphors seem like the thing to do. 

i had to give her liberator, i love all the named weapons scattered throughout new vegas. i was also really pleased at an excuse to let how in love cass is bleed onto the page - she’s not ready for it to be real, but it is.

The Courier’s the sun itself, bright and white hot, grin gleaming when she tells him, “Not a damn one.”

yay! everybody cheer! but i also wanted to bring in the sun as a symbol because of how violent a thing it can be, especially in the desert! there's no end to this road (but it's alright) is peak ‘the courier sees herself as the weapon and not the wielder’, which is something i really enjoy gesturing at throughout all of small jobs. i’m playing dead money on her save right now and this theme is doing something to my brain.

thank you again!!! i love talking about this so much, small jobs is my very favorite thing to write and think about!!!

[blookmallow]

so i went after benny. walking through caesar's camp was a thoroughly unpleasant experience, i do not care for a single one of them but i didnt want to start shit since i knew there was no way i could fight them all off and i figured if they're gonna be stupid enough to invite me in im gonna take advantage and steal as much information as i can (which... unless im forgetting something i dont think i ever actually got to do anything with any of the info i found?? maybe there's more if you progress further in the ncr plotline than i did i guess)

this is how i feel about legionnaires 💖

god. they have children in here. i truly hate to think what a generation who grew up like this would be like. i dont even know what the solution is here. how to you even approach something like this

i dont know how i was supposed to feel about finding benny like this. it didn't feel vindicating or satisfying to me at all. it just felt kind of pathetic. i know this man tried to kill me multiple times but i just had no desire for revenge. i honestly wanted to let him go but i tried a few times and he just kept getting dead immediately so i went to like. research if its Possible to get him out alive and it seems like even if you're REALLY determined nothing really happens and he just kind of vanishes from the game anyway. seems like he was Supposed to die here one way or another. i decided the machete duel was the most in line with my character - if i cant choose mercy (whether he deserves it or not, doesn't matter) im at least going to make it fair

fighting him with a knife and nothing else felt very. barbaric somehow. i did not like how it made me feel. but i like that it made me feel that, if that makes any sense. i dont know if it was supposed to feel like a victory or revenge but it just kind of felt like "what are we doing here, what is any of this for, why are we fighting like animals" and i feel like that goes... pretty well with the overall vibe/message of this game. war never changes and nobody ever wins, eye for an eye leaves everyone blind, etc, etc

i dont know, something about this whole section felt real heavy to me. i think my courier has some pretty serious trauma over it. i didn't go back to talk to caesar after the fight or anything. i just left. i just wanted to get away from them all

im headcanoning that the legion gave my courier benny's stuff as a like "to the victor go the spoils" type deal since, like, i wasn't just gonna leave it there but it wouldn't really make sense for her to go out of her way to go grab his suit lmao

anyway she kept them but doesn't use them for anything. she has no desire to Display them like trophies but felt the need to keep them anyway. i think probably she still uses his lighter. claims its just useful and she doesn't care where it came from but i think it means Something to her. reminder of the past. i dont know

ANYWAY. that's. that on that

i dont think that counts as a bed

i really dont understand the brotherhood of steel, like, they kinda weird me out and i dont get what their whole deal is but they haven't really done anything ive observed that was like... blatantly Evil or anything. i ultimately chose to just leave them alone bc i dont want them as my enemy and i just didn't see any good reason to kill them all. mr house told me to kill them. the ncr told me to kill them. yes man kinda went oooookay! terrible idea, but you're the boss! when i said i didn't want to. i dont understand what they're trying to do but i don't see why mass murder is necessary here either

i love super mutants though. i love this guy

i love this guy as well. i also feel like i probably shouldn't have supported the great khans, i know they're drug dealers who frequently work with fiends and raiders but like. when i tried to negotiate peacefully they were willing to work with me and i convinced them not to support the legion so i feel like that's a win. i dont know i really just went into most conflict situations in this game from a "how can i resolve this problem with the least amount of unnecessary violence possible" standpoint and was repeatedly quite impressed with the number of times i had that option. new vegas really gives you a lot of different ways to deal with a situation before you have to pull a gun on someone. i have connections all over the mojave, i have a lot of science/medical skill points and can usually find a way to pass a skill check one way or another, you really don't have to kill people all that often if you're willing to pull some strings

i pretty much only directly oppose/kill on sight if it's legion or fiends. both of which have a history of Known Rapists. legion has slaves. fiends mutilate people and leave their bodies hanging outside their camps. i feel like im justified there

i found some aliens??? wake up america

i really appreciate whoever felt the need to update this old sign

people making use of whatever busted up remains of civilization they can find is one of my favorite parts about fallout games i still love the novac thing

the textures on this entire section of ground broke. thanks bethesda

and this. as well

and that robot over there which was awkwardly scooting backwards for a good 30 seconds before it finally got back on track

what is happening here

this was a weird wasteland perk thing but i dont understand it in the slightest

[what-even-is-thiss]

Lonesome road is literally just a road. Just an excuse for you to have a chat with Ulysses tbh. And Ulysses is a well written character I guess but he also annoys the hell out of me.

Yeah I guess the courier delivered a package that ended up causing some destruction but clearly it was a pretty unassuming package because your character doesn’t remember it. And the saying “don’t shoot the messenger” exists for a reason, Ulysses. And I as the player didn’t do that. Why are you getting so mad at me about it? What about all the other terrible things I’ve done since then?

Dead Money?

Uh… I like the police pistol. But the rest of that whole ordeal isn’t worth going through just to get that police pistol.

Honest Hearts isn’t the worst but it’s on rails and it’s got a major noble savage problem. I know the story thinks it’s being respectful but it’s really not and so many details in it make me want to hide under a rock out of cringe. Like the tribes are heavily heavily implied to be descended from real Native American tribes living on tribal lands in the southwest, likely the Navajo or Hopi based on the descriptions of where they’re from.

And like. Those are real groups of people who have maintained distinct cultural identities for centuries under severe oppression through what basically amounted to their society’s own apocalypse and you’re telling me that once the US government blew up that they forgot about all that and started sticking feathers into baseball caps? It’s like. How was this published? Honestly. You could’ve had a tribal warfare plot without all that. You really could’ve. You’ve figured out how to make it work before. But you just had to inject some benevolent white men take over these tribes of innocent savages and save them from themselves into all of it.

Old World Blues is just some well thought out nonsense that lets you do like whatever in addition to the plot which automatically makes it better than all of the other DLCs.

Finished Old World Blues. That’s the last of the New Vegas DLC I had yet to finish and tbh it’s the best one. Actually feels like a proper quality DLC instead of a series of rails I’m being pushed along.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Villain: Attero, The Ledgermaker

One-fifty-one thousand, six hundred people die/

Every day on Earth/

And if that's not a reason to cry/

Well, it's an awful lot of paperwork/

-The Stupendium

Death is a kingdom with many emissaries, psychopomps that guide departed souls from the waking world to their rest in the land of shades. While some of these grim couriers wear a friendly face or approach their duties with a solemn reverence, there are some others that detest having to deal with mortals day in, day out, the way a discontent stablehand detests having to muck out stalls.

Attero  is one of those sorts of spirits, taking the form of a spiteful sprite of a lad with a heavy tome, dressing ostentatiously to mock the seriousness of his charge. Like each preceding entity to hold the Ledgermaker title, Attero possesses a book which marks off the time, place, and circumstance of every death he is responsible for from now until the end of time, a staggering responsibility he circumvents at every pass by cooking the book of the dead: bringing about early deaths for the mortals he is charged with reaping to leave himself with free time before his next appointment.

Adventure Hooks:

The subversion of the natural order is no easy feat, even for one charged with upholding it: Attero must stalk his victims for days or even weeks at a time, mapping out their life in the labyrinthine tome to ensure their end slips under the watch of his fellow death-wardens or other arbiters of destiny. Such manipulations are easier to spot from the mortal side of fate’s tapestry, manifesting as a series of improbable accidents or odd coincidences (such as seven people in the same town  with the first name john and the last initial B all dying of cartridge accidents on the same day).  After a sequence of a sheerly improbable series of accidents befalls a minor noble, he becomes convinced that his conniving relatives are out to murder him for his estate and hires the party to investigate... his only real lead being the sightings of the creepy child glimpsed at the site of two of the accidents.

Psychopomps are supposed to guide their charges to the right sort of afterlife, either matching them up with their sworn deity or leading them to the shade lands where they can spend eternity quietly. Attero, in line with his childish appearance, is more prone to shoving wayward souls into whatever underworld is handy like a kid tidying by shoving all the mess into a closet. Should the party suffer a TPK, they may find themselves in a dread realm or other unpleasant reach of the shadowlands, entitled to a cosmic do-over if they can escape hell and find a post-mortum manager to talk to.

When an overly ambitious necromancer attempts to bind the Ledgermaker and steal death’s account, Attero is happy to play along and give the mortal what he wants. Having your icon of power stolen is a great way to play hooky from work and watching his “captor” slowly go mad attempting to decipher the tome has been great for a laugh.  As the party encounters an escalating number of fate-sundered undead wrought by this necromancer, they’ll be steered in their quest by one of those previously mentioned arbiters of destiny: an angel of the goddess Istus who’ll use subtle disguises to nudge the party into “freeing” the Ledgermaker without confronting him directly.

[lesbianmarrow]

watched legends of tomorrow 5.13 “i am legends.” good episode. i personally really detest zombies so i was not thrilled that this was a zombie episode but i still thought it was really good. i feel like this episode hit a lot of common zombie movie tropes so i bet people who are fans of those movies really enjoyed the episode. 

i feel like the overall theme of the episode was demonstrating how precious life is by contrasting it with senseless death. you see it both in the main storyline and also the side plot with gary and astra. i guess this is probably a common theme in zombie movies. so it’s cool how they used the zombie story conventions to explore this theme. and then i guess there’s also the trope of a person only understanding the preciousness of mortality after becoming immortal. so you sort of have that in this one since they became temporarily immortal. the main storyline had a lot of mushy romance stuff both with sara & ava and with zari & constantine and i think that worked really well in conjunction with the plot of them being hunted by zombies. that dire situation makes the emotional stuff feel even more poignant since the stakes are so high. the general team bonding stuff like them breaking out of the transport vehicle and them sitting around a table drinking together while waiting for the courier to charge was very nice for the same reason. these interpersonal connections are what matter - everything else is just to get us to the place where we can explore them. 

i love how calm sara was about heading to her death. on the one hand you can read it as her having cheated death so many times and expecting to do so again but i think more than that she just knows there is no better way for her to go out than by sacrificing herself to save the rest of her team. ava’s reaction was so heartbreaking. i love how this show is able to tell this tragic wlw romance story in this episode but then have the characters come back to life in the next episode and it’s fine. the show gets to have its cake and eat it too. even though we know nobody is dead for real i thought the scene where they finally get overwhelmed by the zombies was very powerful, especially with the added tragedy of ava watching the woman she loves die in front of her. good stuff. also i thought it was so cute how sara & ava called each other co-captains. i firmly believe that sara and only sara should be the captain and ava can just be like her little companion or consort or what have you. but it was cute. 

yay zari constantine romance :) you know i think constantine has a thing for being negged and thats why he likes zari so much (i am joking). when zari scolds him for smoking and shes like “ugh it’s so gross” but really she’s worried about his health....oh its so sweet. i guess the essential conflict between them is that zari has a strong will to change the world for the better and constantine believes such efforts are futile and he just wants to look out for himself and the people he cares for. because of these differing perspectives i dont think a romantic relationship between them would last long. but oh the sexual tension! it’s so cute how they both really care about each other and are kind of embarrassed and annoyed that they do. and then of course they have sex on the mission. zari and sara can start a club for people who had sex with constantine while on a mission. i liked when charlie realized what zari and constantine had been up to and we got to see her reaction, very fun. 

return of gary’s BUNNY. when they said the bunny was having tummy problems it gave me secondhand anxiety bc tummy problems are no laughing matter for bunnies! the rabbit who plays gary’s rabbit is so gorgeous and so well-behaved! world’s most chillest bunny. i bet he rakes in the big bucks. ok i should probably talk about gary now instead of just his bunny. the stuff with him and gideon was absolutely bewildering to me. it was just like so bizarrely horny and i felt like i was watching something that was not meant for my eyes. it was nice to see human form gideon though. where gary really shines in this episode is when he’s talking to astra. asking her about her mom and the good memories she has of her....i found it so touching. because you know gary isn’t just saying it to save his own skin, he actually genuinely cares, because he’s gary. i think it was a very good choice to have astra and gary interacting, because astra is so doom and gloom and gary is so positive. even though they are so different he is able to get through to her! shows that astra isn’t as evil as she wants people to think. astra’s and gary’s deaths hit the right emotional beats for me. even though i know theyre not dead forever, seeing them both murdered still had an impact on me. 

oh i also did want to mention when all the legends were saying how they would reshape their lives with the loom i thought most of their answers were pretty much what i would expect but when mick said he would go back to being a criminal i thought that was unexpected and fantastic. literally his life is so much better now and he’s kinder and happier but things were just simpler then so of course he misses it! but he knows he can never go back. very honest and powerful. sometimes you become nostalgic for bad times. 

[torntruth]

For no other reason except that I want to talk about Emily Kaldwin,  here’s a more in depth look at her choices:

-    the only blood her blade ever sees is ramsey’s:   and it’s the only time she ever makes a mess,  a noise,  the only real chaos.   she just walks through the door after listening to him talk to his guards.   he’s greedy,  he’s corrupt,  he killed alexi and she’s blindly angry.   she fights him next to her bedroom.   leaves him on the floor to bleed out,  picks up the already dead alexi and leaves the woman on her bed.   there’s nothing she can do now. -    the only two people that knew of her presence leaving dunwall were the courier and meagan foster.   she didn’t make a peep.   didn’t make a sound.   she was an absolute ghost.   she barely even disturbed a rat.  -    she gave back to karnaca as a traveler,  helped mindy,  helped the woman in addermire,  even so much,  so powerful that she rectified the sins of the past,  changed time itself and saved aramis stilton from a horrendous fate of insanity.  which also saved all the miner’s of karnaca.  karnaca lived more peacefully   ...   and not a single soul even knew that there was a future of dust and death.  -    the only victims of her blade continue to be bloodflies.  -    not only does she save alexandria hypatia,  but emily helps fund the revival of alex’s institute.  which in return,  once more,  gives the people of karnaca hope because hypatia is a kind, caring doctor and she will take care of them inside of addermire.  they all have someone to rely on again.   alexandria hypatia is an angel that had to be fatefully disguised as a devil.   emily reinstated her significance as an angel. -    she didn’t kill kirin,  but that is something she mournfully regrets enough that she’s thought about passage to the clockwork mansion again to end his misery.  he didn’t even see her coming.  didn’t know she was there,  she surpassed the maze and technology of his mansion with the ease of a shadow.  he never even woke up as himself,  she took his intelligence away from him,  like she was a bitter god herself.   he woke up as a shell of himself and merely stared as emily walked away from the mansion. -    the abbey is extremist,  paolo has a vengeful soul.   the dust district needs a new start.   the howlers can have their blocks,  can have their land,  they can have a seat within karnaca’s council to help better the city.   with one exception:   paolo doesn’t get the vice overseer.   he’s being sent away. -    the duke is a pitiful man.   he doesn’t even deserve thought.   even his double knows this.   emily strikes an agreement with the double,  he doesn’t end up disappointing her.   he plays the role of a leader much kinder,  he actually looks into karnaca’s problems and seeks to resolve them from atop his large mansion and new mound of gold. -    breanna ashworth was used by delilah,  romance and power are powerful tools.   emily can only remember the pain in ashworth’s eyes when she fell to her knees,  powerless and now romanceless because delilah certainly wouldn’t talk to someone who know longer has the magical powers she used.   emily merely bowed her hed and exited the conservatory.   a place she once thought was beautiful and that she wanted to visit with her significant other.    emily had taken those powers,  found a way,  and now it all seemed empty.  -    delilah is delusional and emily thinks that she can have her delusion as long as there’s no chance for delilah to ever cause terror again.   emily traps delilah in her own painting.   the terror is over with. -     meagan foster revealed that she’s actually billie foster and that she played a small part in the murder of emily’s mother.   emily has no more room for anger,  she’s exhausted and wants to end delilah’s terror.    ‘people change,’   emily says and then takes meagan boats and leaves for home again.  jessamine kaldwin deserves to rest in peace.   jessamine kaldwin deserves to remembered as a loving,  extraordinary mother.   she deserves to be remembered as a fair and caring empress.   let it all rest.  

[dykedvonte]

i ADORE how you describe benny! why do you think he slept with the courier AND left without killing them the morning after? i know the game designers had to have that happen but with almost every other option (unless you're able to convince him you'll stay away) ending with him attempting to kill you, i don't see why he wouldn't at what could be a perfect opportunity.

Benny is not at messy and petty as people portray him.

His “cowardly” or stupid actions are really pragmatic when you actually take the time to think about them from his point of view instead of “Omg he’s so goofy what a loser this is obviously a discussion a loser makes.” Before I get to sleeping with Benny I think explaining his other weird moves helps.

The first is by far him waiting for you to wake up before shooting you in the head. It’s an odd thing to do as it holds him up, gives you a glimpse of your attackers and doesn’t match the less than noble things he does like abandoning the Khans and how he took care of the singer in the all roads comic. But it makes sense. Benny has a rather strong sense of personal morals, skewed and contradictory as they are.

If it is a detriment to him and the Chairmen he becomes cold and calculated, he will leave you for dead or make sure you can’t get to him or them. It’s why he tries to kill you at first, per your contract you will hunt him down and that is very bad for a man trying to be discreet. But you seeing his face? Him apologizing about you being in the middle? He expected you to die, to never be found and in a way he puts your loose end to rest. He buries you in one of the few places that is specifically for a dead body. Benny doesn’t want unnecessary collateral and what he deems necessary/unnecessary really just depends of how he accesses you as a risk. It’s the same reason he leaves Emily Ortal alive. It’s very unlikely a Follower is gonna stop a plan for an independent strip even if they’ve been cheated.

It’s why he leaves the Khans. He already dislikes them but the Khans are still raiders/tribals like him and the other casino families. A rose by any other name and all that. Even if they made it and he paid they have such incriminating evidence against him that he’d never be able to stand up to them if they decided to hang it over his head. Yeah he’s making more unnecessary enemies but in his mind it’s that or having another very real threat over his plans.

Benny makes these assessments very quickly. It’s not that you’re some silver tongued charmer when you get him alone but that he genuinely thinks it’s better at this point to keep you alive and get you on his side than kill you. Of course, this is if you can convince him of that and not have him set a trap for you. When you sleep with him he basically thinks you’re fucked in the head, outside of the two bullets he put in there, and more curious and vengeful. It’s quick fun and he dips after because whether you mean to help him or not he’s now on crunch time as it’s impossible House won’t notice his Courier showing up sans one platinum chip.

Most of Benny’s actions towards other people is dictated by if he sees them as a liability. It’s very odd to think deeply about because it clashes with the cool cat persona Benny puts on but it’s very in line with his raider/tribal roots he keeps trying to erase. He gets vulnerable and drops the acts and gets with the Courier because there was no perceived threat, it’s like how Caesar invites you to the Fort even if you like are vilified thinking you’d just like listen.

It’s less the sensible thing to do and more the comfort of your playing field and not feeling threatened in the moment.

[papakhan]

I can honestly see why Jessie would want the NCR to wipe the fiends out, because when you get right down to it, there’s a pretty huge difference between the Khans and the Fiends: the Khans are traditional in the way that they’ve kept up what made them The Great Khans (I.e their toughness, their raiding parties, Papa, etc.) while the fiends are just monsters.

Like, the one Khan who did the most fucked up thing was Oscar and honestly you can see things from his perspective of being riddled with PTSD and anger and not being able to let go having been separated from the tribe for so long, and you can even talk him down from it and convince him that it’s time to head home.

The fiends have Cook-Cook. I rest my case.

I'm assuming this is about this post? Which yeah, I get that, I didn't mean that it was a negative part of Jessup's character or like a "plot hole" or anything that he wants the Fiends gone, I just thought it was an interesting look into his own opinions conflicting with the Khan's alliances and yknow everything that's happened to them. I also love to see Jessup being called Jessie :')

Personally I'd give the Khans a lot more credit then that. They've got traditions, crafts, education, families, as well as their reputation for being tough and mean but completely reasonable. And Oscar harkening back to the New Khan days as almost like a trauma response is interesting on it's own.

But yeah Jessup hating the Fiends because they're so distruptive and violent and he's so family oritentated is pretty interesting. He's got a little spice it's fun! Even Diane puts aside how she feels about the Fiends because "Papa likes them attacking the NCR" but not Jessup! I can imagine a lot of Khans thinking that the way the Fiends act is dishonourable and stuff anyway since Jessup and McMurphy don't even rob the courier of their caps or weapons. It makes me think that Khans don't approve of rifling through a dead person's pockets--which the Fiends and courier do

That being said I do think the Fiends could have More to them. I'm really not a fan of the way drug addicts are handled in new vegas in general and the Fiends being a mob of ~violent drug addicts~ to shoot at isn't great either. I prefer the interpretation of them being "disinfrancised people reacting poorly to the situtation they've been put in" though I'm not sure who came up with that.

I have a few mods installed and yesterday two of them came together quite nicely where I watched a group of Fiends and a group of Khans patrolling the same route together, and then rushing a group of Vipers together. I couldn't get too close because the Fiends were still hostile to me but it was kinda nice to see and I think the Khan/Fiends relations could really be worked on.

Like. idk Fiends who realise "ah shit these are real bad people I need to get the fuck out of here" but not being able to get close to Westside because of their clothes being able to slip out into the safety of the Khans.

But yeah Cook-Cook is not allowed within 100 metres of Red Rock Canyon or he will be taken out by a Khan sniper like guarenteeted.

tldr: i think theres a scale of Fiends from like the Just Kinda Rowdy And Using Violence To Cope to the Actually Vile People Up Top. I don't think Papa respects the Fiends "leaders" enough to even accept visits to his home from them and most Khans interact with either Motor-Runner or one offs on the outskirts like Razz

[missmensis]

no gods, no masters, iii.

Pairing: Benny x F!Courier

read ch. 1 here, read ch. 2 here. read ch. 3 on ao3.

They were all feeling a bit beaten-up after fending off the Legion; the victory was just that, but it felt hollow. They'd be sending assassins after Ava until there were none of them left or she kicked the bucket. The latter was unlikely. She was being quiet as usual, but this quiet felt different. She wouldn't stop looking over her shoulder, a vacant stare in her eye as she did so, and her pace had slowed down considerably compared to the last few days.

The ambush had taken more of their time and energy than they'd planned, and they decided to stop at the 188 Trading Post for the night. There were a handful of NCR soldiers occupying the spot, so it'd be safer than just stopping on the side of the road or off the trail. There were no free beds to spare, but all they needed was a relatively safe place where they wouldn't have to sleep with one eye open; nobody was new to the occasional necessity of sleeping on the ground.

Once they found their own little area to hold up for the evening, the Courier sat down to rest and make a fire. They gave her some space. Boone pulled Benny aside, far enough so that Ava wouldn't hear.

"Right, so," Benny stuck his wrists out in front of Boone, "Gonna leash me back up, huh?"

Boone shook his head, "Actually, no. At least... not now, anyway. That's up to her. About today-"

"Oh, yeah," Benny chewed his lip, taking the gun out of his waistband, "Here you go."

He held it out for the other man to take, but Boone waved his hand, "Keep it. For here. Just in case."

Benny gave him a funny look, "You sure, cat?"

"Yeah," He nodded, glancing behind Benny in Ava's direction, "Just... watch her, alright? She's hurting."

"I will-" Benny moved to stick the pistol back in his pants, but not before Boone grabbed his arm.

"Take advantage, or try anything and I swear to god," Boone said, lowering his shades to look Benny straight in the eye, "I'm not far away. I will be watching, and I will put a bullet in you."

"You're gonna have to come up with a new threat," Benny replied with ire, "That one's getting stale, dig?"

"Be less of an asshole and then maybe I won't have to threaten you." Boone rolled his eyes and turned to walk away. He whistled for Rex, who trotted to the sniper's side and followed along obediently to keep watch.

Boone's 10mm in hand, Benny made his way back to check on Ava. He stashed the gun in the back of his waistband again, hoping he wouldn't need to use it. At least, not tonight, anyway.

Ava was sitting in front of the small campfire she'd made, her legs splayed out in front of her, the toes of her boots tapping together to some beat only she could hear. There was a bottle of whiskey in her lap, and it looked like she was making solid headway on it.

"Hey, hey," Benny crouched down next to her, "What's shakin'?"

"Benny," She turned to him, a dazed smile on her face, "I’m trying to get drunk. Shakin' with you?"

"Ah, nothin' much," He settled down, stretching his legs out next to hers, "Gettin' smashed, huh? Can I get some of that?"

"Mmmmmhm," She hummed, handing him the bottle and watching as he took a deep swig, "It's good shit."

"It's... not bad," Benny swished it around a bit before swallowing, "Got better shit at the Tops, though."

"Yeah, yeah, you're so high and mighty at the Tops, aren't you," Ava poked him hard in the side with her finger, her eyes hazy, "'Benny's gonna show you the Tops', hah."

"Shut up," He snickered, "I did, though. The dent in that mattress was permanent."

She looked over at him, the light from the fire dancing on her features, "I remember."

It was astonishing how terrifyingly stunning she was. That handful of months ago now, when she'd been kneeling on the ground in front of him, her life flashing before her eyes, she'd just looked like a kid, nothing more than a clueless girl who had no idea what kind of package she was carrying.

How had that not been enough in itself to make him reconsider what he’d been doing at the time? He hadn't even thought twice; once he had that chip between his fingers, it was a done deal. He could've let her go, she probably wouldn't have come looking. Even the Great Khans had reservations about the whole thing, but it hadn't stopped him. Shit. He was a piece of shit, an untrustworthy fink, and he knew it. She knew it. Everyone knew it.

Benny looked over at her out of the corner of his eye, "Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

Benny rolled his eyes, "Good goddamn lord, woman."

"I'm fucking with you," Ava mused, "Go ahead."

"Last night in Novac. And... earlier today," Benny started carefully, "You, uh, kinda freaked. You looked really messed up."

Ava looked down at her hands, averting her gaze, "Yeah."

"What happened?"

"Ah.... yeah... so, my head does that every now and then," She answered with tight lips, "Ever since... y'know, I got a bullet to the brain from this checkered bastard I know."

"Right," He said guiltily, "Shit."

What could he say that wouldn't sound stupid or disingenuous? He'd shot her in the fucking head and now she was living with the consequences. God, there was a lot he wanted to tell her, but none of it would come out the way he wanted it to.

He sat next to her, quietly cursing himself when she spoke up again, "I get these like... migraines mixed with small bursts of panic attacks. I don't understand them. I've even asked a doc and he doesn't know. I have dreams all the time about people that I don’t recognize. I see their faces and it’s like I’m supposed to know them and I just don’t," She sighed, the heaviness of the conversation beginning to sober her, “And even when I’m awake, sometimes, I see them, too. In the back corner of a mirror, in the desert heat, they're just watching me. Like I'm riding on Daytripper in a bad way, but I'm stone-cold sober. I'm living with ghosts, Benny. People I'm supposed to know, to feel something for, but all they do is confuse me and make my head spin."

Benny frowned, "You don't remember them. Not at all?"

"No. Don't even know if they're dead or alive. It's not like anybody's come looking for me," Ava shook her head, taking a small yellow and green box out of her pocket that said MENTATS on it in rusted red lettering, "The way I see it, everyone from my past is dead, or I'm dead to them. Or I'm just not someone worth searching for."

She said it with bitterness, her brows furrowed and eyes glued to the horizon as she popped a Mentat on her tongue.

"Do they help?" Benny asked, gesturing to the box of chems as Ava rubbed her thumb across the letters.

"Kinda? I mean, everything from before Goodsprings is a blank. I haven't forgotten anybody I've met since then, but I get these, like, little flashes of moments that seem like they're mine, but they're not. At least, not mine anymore. That's when it hurts. When it turns into something like what happened today. I saw somewhere else, like here, but worse. More desolate, if you can believe that. It was like the whole place was in pain, screaming at me. Kinda think it's better that I don't remember."

She shoved the Mentats back into her pocket and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as she filled herself with the dry Mojave air, "Everything before Goodsprings doesn't matter anymore, not really. Who I was before is gone. I just want to make sure I remember who I am now."

There was a beat of silence, the two of them just sitting and staring at the fire as the wind began to pick up around them. Ava tucked her knees up and rested her chin on them as she stared at the sun slowly making its way towards the edge of the world.

"I'll make sure you don't forget," Benny said quietly, "Been a goddamn fink to you so... I owe you that much. I'll never stop being sorry. I mean that."

Ava turned her head to look over at him, her brows slightly raised in disbelief at his words.

"And for what it's worth, if anything at all," He continued, "I think you're someone worth searching for."

Her eyes softened; he'd never seen her look at him that way before. It was something like... fondness? Appreciation? A lapse in judgment from the whisky and chems? Whatever it was, it pulled at the corners of his mouth. Ava smiled back, the first real one he'd ever seen from her, and it was infectious. Her cheeks dimpled, and she looked almost a little nervous before she settled into it, which made Benny wonder just how many reasons she'd even have to smile these days. A gust of wind blew through their camp, and Ava visibly shivered. Wordlessly, Benny shrugged his jacket off and put it over her shoulders.

"I'm still really fuckin' mad at you," She whispered, "But thank you, Benny."

She didn't wait for him to reply before she scooted closer to him so that their sides were touching. Ava reached for his arm and gently slung it over her shoulders as she rested her head against his chest. He was stiff for a moment, not quite sure if this was a sick joke or not, but when she didn't do anything else besides lean into him, he finally relaxed.

The girl knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to take it; he dug that.

They sat for a while, neither of them saying a word, as the sky grew darker and darker. Vegas glowed like a lantern off in the distance, a stark contrast to the rest of the Mojave bathed in black. With how brightly the skyline shone, the stars had a hard time competing, even though the sky was littered with them. It wasn't often that Benny spent a night out in the dust - that was now more a thing relegated to a former life - and though he wasn't one to live in the past, he couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia as he stared up at the constellations. Years of his life spent as a nomad walking the Mojave with the Boot Riders, countless nights just like this, and how quickly he'd tossed it all aside for caps and comfort. He'd have done all that again, he knew, but as he felt Ava relax fully against him, he had more than one regret in the back of his mind. Benny was careful as he glanced down at her, her eyes closed and mouth slightly open as she slept soundly on his shoulder, and gently moved some of the hair away from her face. As he did, his eyes caught the edge of the scar from the bullet.

Yeah, sure-as-shit, more than one regret.

[fallout-lou-begas]

A lot of people have accused yjj of being racist, particarily in regards to one of their comics involving Joshua graham, and in general saying that they glorify colonization. I mainly understand the other things they’ve done, but the racism seems inexusable. A lot of people have also been saying that yjj and their followers have harassed people. I want to get both sides of the story on this, so basically I’m asking what the deal with all this is?

Hi, anon. I'll provide my thoughts since you asked politely.

This post is quite long and can be considered an extension of my previous post on the matter.

Besides the infamous and self-admittedly ill-informed chancla comic, for which they've apologized, essentially all of the claims that Yesjejunus is racist stem from their depiction of the Dead Horses and Sorrows relative to their depiction of Joshua Graham and their original character Joan in their fanfic No Light (and to a lesser extent Learnin’ the Blues), which is heavily grounded in the setting of Honest Hearts. I think it's unambiguous that the depiction of vaguely defined "tribals" in Honest Hearts, assembled through a mishmash of disparate signifiers and recycled stereotypes and named like Warrior Cats and completely helpless without Joshua Graham's guidance, is indeed thoroughly racist, even if it was intended to be more nuanced and came from a place of self-admitted ignorance on the part of the developers. What I struggle to understand is that the developers and writers of Honest Hearts—and of Fallout: New Vegas as a whole since the entire game is rife with such mishandled, insufficient depictions of "tribals" with no explicit inclusion at all of any specific Indigenous people or presence—are given miles and miles more sympathy and leeway for their poor handling of these characters in the source material than a fanfic writer is for using the tools and setting that they were given by that source material, including the "lore" and naming conventions of the Dead Horses and Sorrows, to tell a story that means a lot to them personally, inspired by their own deepest fears and experiences with abuse, and ignited by their charismatic yet deeply and blatantly monstrous interpretation of Joshua Graham. Given that it uses the setting of Honest Hearts as a backdrop, there aren't any living characters in Honest Hearts who aren't "tribals" besides Joshua Graham and Daniel, and post-canon, Daniel wouldn’t be there. When Yesjejunus is accused of sidelining the Native characters or relegating them to the background, it's because they're just not writing a fanfic about Follows-Chalk or Waking Cloud as main characters: they're writing a specifically intentioned story about the Courier and Joshua Graham, a story that for better or worse remains faithful to the source material’s depiction of Joshua Graham’s unilateral authority over the tribes in Zion, a baked-in element of Honest Hearts and a critical narrative component of No Light. To accuse Yesjejunus of being racist on this principle in and of itself would be like accusing me of being lesbophobic if I wrote a Dead Money-set fanfic with Father Elijah as the main character instead of Christine. If you want something that centers these other characters then you'd just have to read a different story, or write it yourself.

As a final note, I do think that Yesjejunus is a skilled writer. This thought exists simultaneously with the acknowledgement that like everyone else in fandom, they're writing as a hobby and do not have the oversight of an editor on the work that they produce personally and for free. It's not lost on them that there's things about their story that they could have handled differently or more sensitively, such as the oft-cited example of the death of the pregnant Dead Horse character in No Light, with more forethought or planning at the time—even if they were bound by the constraints of Honest Heart's own setting (such as the dearth of non-tribal characters who could have possibly been in the scene instead) while writing the story. Everyone is free to critique this aspect of the story as much as they are to critique any other aspect, or to be discomforted by the whole thing (given it's a very intentionally uncomfortable story throughout), but the suggestion of so many of these "callouts" that Yesjejunus must have been cackling maniacally about the plight of poor access to medical care among real Indigenous people is a suggestion made entirely in bad faith, and one that I simply don't care to entertain.

As for the point about harassing people: if anyone's only evidence of being "harassed" by a single, specific person is anonymous messages on tumblr dot com, then I don't believe the evidence. If people are accusing Yesjejunus' "supporters" or "associates" of harassing people, then if the accusation is that this harassment is occurring either on Yesjejunus’ behalf or otherwise with their approval, then it is also going to require more evidence than the mere existence of the mean anonymous messages themselves. This goes for the rumor that they have "spies" in fandom Discord servers or whatever, too, which is a rumor that I think has only manifested among its spreaders by either self-appointed individuals speaking on no one's behalf but their own, and by the metaphorical snake eating its own tail in paranoia. Yesjejunus, and I, and all of our mutual friends have been nothing but annoyed at best and horrified at worst by the efforts of some self-appointed individuals to "defend" them with such excess vitriol. Speaking plainly, we generally avoid literally any kind of anonymous or public interaction with anyone who's vocally opposed to us as a rule, specifically to avoid this kind of debacle, and when I say "we" and "us" I'm not referring to some sort of shadowy cabal of conspirators scheming to advance the nefarious YJJ agenda, but to a group of friends. I don't know how to explain to some people who question why we praise their work or share their art sometimes how normal friendships work online.

I also take severe umbrage with the validity of the breadth of these anonymous harassment accusations because of how patently fraudulent several other claims are. Yesjejunus has recently been accused of "grooming,” for example, an accusation only even worth considering if one temporarily forgets what grooming actually is and pretends that grooming is when someone older interacts in literally any capacity with someone younger. Some will say that they’re not accusing them of grooming per se, or not of grooming by that name, but in any case, the meaning is that Yesjejunus has interacted with minors and this on its own is intended to scare and upset you. I have seen only two users actually named as "victims" of these “interactions,’ however, sas-afras and comrade-shrimp, but both users have publicly refuted this accusation because neither of them were minors when they first interacted with Yesjejunus. Frustratingly, though, these literal refutations from the literal so-called "victims" are either dismissed out of hand or muddied by hand-wringing mutterings of "well, I could have sworn they were actually minors, though" and "well they claim that they weren't actually groomed, but who really knows." The spreading and trust in completely anonymous accusations, combined with the total rejection of statements from the only people named in these accusations when their statements contradict the accusations, suggests to me that the existence of these actual interactions (and assuming these interactions occurred both intentionally and with Yesjejunus’ being fully aware of the other person being a minor) is not nearly as important as pushing the narrative that "Yesjejunus is a groomer" or “preying on minors” onto the fandom, and ensuring that anyone who doesn't take this claim completely at face value appears complicit in something horrible. As for anyone who still feels "uncomfortable" at how sas-afras or comrade-shrimp or me or anyone who is very much an adult but just so happens to be younger than Yesjejunus could ever become endeared to them, I reiterate that sometimes I don't know how to explain to people how normal friendships work online.

I want to conclude by saying something that I've said many times before: you don't have to like Yesjejunus (or me, or everybody, or literally anyone else) and no one is holding a gun to your head to befriend them or read their work or look at their art. The block and filter and unfollow buttons are very conveniently located on your dashboard and are totally free to use. Everything I've written here is not intended as some argument as to why everyone on the planet needs to be following their blog and leaving kudos on Learnin' the Blues. Still, while I think everybody has the right to curate their own dashboard and remove the content that they don't want to see, I also think it's reasonable for me to not want my friend to get their name dragged through the mud by the exaggerated and misinformed claims of petty, grudge-bearing brigadiers and self-aggrandizing fandom security guards when they'd like to just dump funny shitposts about the Burned Man's chode in peace.

[kisskissbanggang]

Death Warmed Up

[<15Min Read/~4K Words - Coffee Shop Au - Felix x Neutral Death!Reader - Fluff, Minor Angst - Dogs, Death, Coffee]

[Originally slated for the skzwriternet Cozy Collab, but here it is! Hope you enjoy.]

Nets: @skzwriternet​ @kwritersworld​

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You stared at the assignment you had found on your desk. This was late… by two years?

The notion was fully ludicrous. Even with a file like this, there was no way that it could reasonably have been delayed by two whole years. Then again, the idea of getting saddled with an interesting case intrigued you. It sort of felt fancy — important, even — to see this in your inbox when you sat at your desk. You flicked through the file again. Felix Lee, 21 years old: living on Borrowed Time since he was 19.

You hadn’t been an Arbiter very long, and you mulled over just how little Borrowed Time you’d really seen since your appointment. There was the tiny old grandmother — Jane, you thought her name was — a matriarch of her household and a staple of her community, but even then her Arbiter, Bill, could only find her a year from scraping together everything he could. He had told you all that when he did finally meet her at the end, he was in tears along with all her family, and she was the only one smiling. The fact that this kid could be afforded two years was a feat in and of itself, to a point that you were morbidly curious who the previous Arbiters were. The most recent was Jisung, a surprising name to find. Jisung was nice, he liked to maintain how he looked when he died in the mid-nineties, nose ring and flannel and all… and he currently worked as a first-level Arbiter, watching day-to-day activities between humans and the world around them. When you got transferred into the department you’d had no idea that he used to be up on this level. The previous Arbiter’s name was Chan: a name you didn’t recognize and had never heard around the office. Whatever had happened, you didn’t want to hear it. You didn’t want to get distracted by excuses. You needed to see for yourself.

◇─◇──◇──🍂──◇──◇─◇

It was a surprisingly balmy autumn afternoon when you finally found the cafe. Even with all the extra instincts and wherewithal you were afforded by your position, you still had to search around for the little coffee bar, a humble cubby hidden away in an alley off a side street in the bustling city. Some trees lined the sidewalk outside and the orange leaves managed to drift on by, and there was a young man sweeping them off the stoop of the cafe before he turned to go back inside. You opened your portfolio and pulled out your file again. You examined it closely. Could that have been him? The guy now cleaning up behind the bar? There was no way that was him. You stepped closer down the alley.

Thankfully, even if the young man in the window did look up, he wouldn’t see you in this plane you were currently occupying. Your body was only as real as your conscious willed it considering you were already dead, and right now you were perfectly content watching the barista bustling about behind the counter. A little old man with smart half-moon glasses waved from where he sat in his cracked leather armchair by a tall bookshelf, getting his attention.

“Felix, dear, could you top me off?”

Well, there, then. This was the guy.

He didn’t seem so special.

Felix didn’t look like his picture. That was your first hint. The photo was always a snapshot of the client at the time the referral was made to Arbitration, and he looked much worse for wear a couple years ago, laying in a hospital bed and hooked up to a spiderweb of tubes. Here, now, Felix stood tall and healthy, slim but fit under his apron, a modest but present definition in his arms showing through the rolled sleeves of his shirt as he set about making a new drink for the tottering old man. A spray of freckles adorned his dainty nose and rested among the golden glow of his cheeks, and he even had a little satisfied smile curling at his lip as he got the foam just right on the old man’s coffee.

You still didn’t see what all the fuss was about.

A dog ran up to Felix behind the counter, a panting golden retriever asking for pats, and your heart begrudgingly melted. In fact, there were even more dogs you hadn’t noticed. A small scotty rested at the feet of the old man. A tiny chihuahua slept in a basket on the counter that barely roused as Felix stepped over to add the drink to the man’s tab. A sleek sheepdog sat up from behind the counter to let him by, and a basset hound raised its head from where it sat in another chair when Felix set the warm cup on a small table by his elderly customer. Felix pet the dogs in a round and wiped up a string of drool from the basset with the corner of his apron before he returned to the counter and washed his hands.

Fine, so Felix was good with dogs.

But being good with dogs didn’t automatically mean you were entitled to Borrowed Time.

◇─◇──◇──🍂──◇──◇─◇

You returned with gusto the next day, ready to confront this supposedly difficult client. Your getup was simple, fully materialized now and dressed as a package courier. This form was common when working on this plane, even popular with other people in your department like Jisung, the previous Arbiter, who actually did use to deliver packages back before he died. It made sense in getting a feel for who a client really was. This was a blue collar worker that people were used to seeing and seeing through, and could really show who a person could be, given the right situation. And you really wanted to see who Felix could be.

You strolled into the cafe, large box in hand with a clipboard sitting on top and a pen tucked behind your ear. Felix perked up when you let it thunk onto the counter, the weight taking care of the poignancy.

“Delivery,” you boredly greeted. “Can you sign for this?”

“Er,” Felix stared — at you, the box, and back at you, “what is it? I wasn’t expecting anything.”

You laughed out loud as you held out your pen to him. “I don’t know, I’m just delivering it. Can you sign for this, please?”

Felix bit at his lip before he grabbed the proffered pen and signed, and you looked amused as you stood and watched him slice open the box with a pair of scissors from under the counter. What surprised you was that this old trick — this misdelivered box of assorted mugs and pens — only made Felix laugh.

“I didn’t order these!”

“That’s too bad,” you shrugged sympathetically. Admittedly, his smooth and deep voice was pleasantly unexpected, catching you off guard. “They’re addressed here and you signed for them.”

Felix’s eyes widened as he plucked out a piece of paper. “There’s an invoice?! With a balance on it?!”

But he still only laughed. You were a bit stumped.

“I guess I’ll pay this before I return it,” Felix shrugged. “I’d hate for someone to get a late bill on a mistake like this.”

You were puzzled, to say the least, as you turned to leave, but then Felix stopped you.

“Hey!” He called. “I feel bad that you had to come all the way here just for this to not be mine. Can’t I at least get you a drink on the house? Do you like dogs?”

The most astounding thing of all was you felt yourself heat up at his offer. This was well and truly bizarre, but you needed to check this out as well. There had to be fine print. You should’ve looked closer at the file.

You dumbly nodded as Felix gladly directed you over to a seat at the bar by his register. When he asked what you liked and you added a dumb shrug to your list of unintended responses, he shrugged in return and said he’d love to surprise you, then. Felix ground some beans down to a dense powder, pressed it into a puck, and pulled a couple espresso shots. You found yourself intrigued, having never seen or paid any attention to someone doing this by hand before. He steamed a small pitcher of milk until a modest head of creamy foam sat on top and carefully poured it in the center of the shots. He proudly slid the cup over to you on a saucer.

“A flat white,” he humbly presented. You silently nodded your gratitude and tried it. This was utterly confounding. The same misdelivery stunt got a shoe thrown at you by a client a few years back. You had to put the cup down as soon as you tried a sip.

“Is everything alright?” Felix worriedly asked. The fluffy lab originally sleeping on the rug in the center of the cafe got up to check on you, his wet nose leaving a slight print on your uniform pants.

“Er, yeah,” you gulped down the hot drink on your lips, “this is just really good. Are you sure I can’t pay you?”

Felix raised a hand to deny you. “Wouldn’t dream of accepting it. I’m sure you’ve been working hard all day anyway.”

“Sure have,” you stiffly lied. “Well, I can at least tip you.”

You conjured a wallet with a sizable bill inside, more than enough to cover the coffee as you quickly downed the modestly sized beverage. Felix beamed as you waved goodbye.

Fine.

So Felix was nice. So Felix was really nice. Felix was really nice, and kind, and he made good coffee.

But you’d have to try anyway. There was something in him that could convince you that he wasn’t 100% good, even though that shouldn’t have been a reason from the beginning.

◇─◇──◇──🍂──◇──◇─◇

You returned two nights later, but you didn’t enter the small side street. Instead, you paced in front of your parked bike out on the sidewalk, over and over again, working up the nerve. After a while, though, you knew it was time. You would goad Felix into dropping the act, into showing who he really was under all the sugar and sunshine. After making sure the sizeable package was sitting precariously on your handlebars to match the one on the back of your bike, you revved the little engine as Felix swept the stoop for the night. You barreled down the street, apparently unable to see much in front of you beyond the shoddy headlight. This was fine. This was easy. You’d done this before, and a saint of an old schoolteacher beat the snot out of you with their cane for it a while back. Felix noticed you at the last second, eyes widening comically as you reflexively honked.

You couldn’t do it.

Your finger barely squeezed the brake, but the front axle jackknifed and sent you ass over elbows onto the pavement.

Everything went white for a second and you definitely did not miss being alive in this moment, because this invariably sucked. And now Felix was there.

“It’s you!” Felix gasped and immediately offered you a hand up. “You scared the daylights out of me!”

“Uh,” you stammered and groaned, “I can say the same.” You could not wait to leave this plane and not feel the pain radiating in your hip and back. But right now, Felix was already pulling you into the cafe and fretting.

“Are you in a rush? You should at least sit down a moment.”

You sighed and let Felix seat you in a comfy chair by a heater in the small cafe, only lit by warm lamps at this time of night. The basset hound watching from a basket on the low windowsill came to sit at your feet as Felix hurriedly set about making you a hot cup of tea. He rushed over, light on his feet and pushing the warm mug into your hands. You nearly spat as you looked closer at the ceramic cup. “Is this—?”

“From that box you brought me the other day? Sure is.” Felix let the force of his belly laugh carry him into a chair beside you. “The funniest thing, really. I tried calling the phone number on that invoice and only got busy tones, and I tried looking up the business and only found dead websites. I figured I could always use pens and mugs, so now I have a supply and a funny story.”

You could crumple into dust, honestly. You set the mug on the little table by your chair, albeit a tad roughly. “I’m so sorry,” you shook your head, “but what is your deal? You’re literally the happiest person I ever met.”

Felix’s eyes pointed sharp into you. There it was.

But he wasn’t angry. He seemed embarrassed.

“Well,” he sighed, even still attempting to maintain his persistent smile, “it’s a long and tired story. I was really sick a couple years ago and I pulled through when no one thought I could.”

“I’m sorry—” you meekly interjected, but it was too late. The shine in Felix’s eye finally dulled, if only a little. You’d cracked him.

“It’s fine,” Felix reassured you. He gently patted your knee before he got back up to his feet. “You go ahead and enjoy your tea. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Of course, yeah,” you babbled as you got up and followed him anyhow, “I’m just glad I didn’t hit you.” You set the mug on the bar and sat down as he walked behind the register. The chihuahua in his basket drowsily got up and walked into your hand for pets.

“I was going to say the same,” Felix nodded tiredly with a worn smile. “It’s happened before. I guess I should put some lights up outside. A cute delivery boy almost ran me over with his bike about a year ago, too.”

“Delivery boy?” You asked starkly. Felix caught your look before falling right back into stride. His grin seemed to get its warmth back.

“Yeah,” he nodded amusedly. “He had an adorable nose ring, I remember I was terrified I almost ripped it out when he helped me up.”

Felix looked confused at the very least as you choked on your tea.

“I’m sorry,” you sputtered out. “You know I — it’s weird that — I just remembered I need to be somewhere. Thank you again, for everything.” You dug out entirely too much money for the tea and clapped it down onto the counter before grabbing your things and sprinting out the door.

◇─◇──◇──🍂──◇──◇─◇

Jisung looked caught as you slapped Felix’s file on his desk. “Hi,” he squeaked as you towered over him.

“What happened when you tried to crack him?”

The young Arbiter let his head drop back with a hard sigh. “You got the file? I knew he couldn’t last long.”

“You only gave him another year, you had to know this was coming.”

“He was just so—? He’s so nice, and genuine, and warm?” Jisung blathered on as he sat back up and flipped through the file. “He was never the same since what Chan did. He was the most amazing turnaround I’d ever seen.”

“So you gave him a year—“

“I didn’t.” Jisung shook his head. “Look closer at the file. I put him back in the queue for Reassessment.”

“What do you mean you—“

“Look,” Jisung insisted. He grabbed your sleeve and dragged you down the hall. “I put him back in Reassessment and was lucky to only get demoted. After what Chan did, I couldn’t bring myself to do more.”

“What are you showing me?”

“Here.”

Jisung shook out his hands and you found yourself standing beside him in a graveyard. This was a pleasant enough place to end up. The grass was neatly trimmed and there were trees and benches to sit on. The orange and red leaves scattered around looked like confetti, a graceful celebration at the end of life. Jisung stood between two headstones.

“I made the mistake of looking at what Chan did, except Felix’s family wasn’t gone yet when he had the file. They were on their way out, though. He saw that they were leaving soon, and Felix would be alone with his grandfather at his cafe. His grandfather would be all alone after losing all of them, and that would be after everything Felix would go through, getting sick and getting better and learning to live again. Chan saw a horrible ending to an awful story and put a stop to it, and he got banished for it.”

“That’s not fair though,” you shook your head, “no matter how much you or he wanted it.”

“But look at him!” Jisung reeled. “That decision made one of the brightest humans I’ve ever seen. When I put him back to Reassessment, I just spent time around him before I was called back. I suggest you do the same, no matter what you choose. I hope this helped.”

Jisung haughtily folded his arms before he vanished. You finally looked more closely at the headstones. Those years were much too close together. Your heart hung low in your gut.

◇─◇──◇──🍂──◇──◇─◇

Felix grinned wide when you returned to the cafe. He immediately set about making you a drink.

“I was wondering when I’d see you again.”

“You were?”

This was feeling familiar, like you were home or at a friend’s house, while you sat yourself in an easy chair and let the panting sheepdog sit between your feet so you could scratch under her chin.

“Yeah!” Felix brightly called over. “Because you asked why I’m like this, I sort of only gave you half an answer.”

“I’m sorry again,” you lamented.

“It’s fine,” Felix said adamantly as he set a warm mug in your hands. He gestured grandly before sitting down. “A latte. Now, I only gave you half an answer. The fact of the matter is that I spent a good while tied to tubes and machines with nothing to do and no choice in the matter. Now, all this time later, I’m just happy to be here, because I know the day after could be any day now.”

“The day after?”

Felix nodded. “When you come away from something like that, later it just feels like a day. One big day, or week, or whatever is tangible, but it definitely wasn’t forever. It feels like one big day to me. This, in the grand scheme of things, is the day after that, but the day after this, when everything actually does end— I’m expecting it. And I’m not scared, but I’m going to be enjoy my time here as much as I can.”

“You’re not scared?”

“Not anymore,” Felix shook his head in determination. “I had to cope with my own loss like everyone else was getting ready to cope with losing me. I didn’t get to have that luxury of not expecting it anymore, because I know what it looks like and I know what’s coming. To do anything else would be a disservice, so I’d rather walk into it with a clear mind and a full life.”

You thought of Bill and Jane, how she was the only one not crying at the end. It was hard to place exactly how you felt, sipping your coffee made with loving hands in this small cafe full of an inordinate amount of golden afternoon sunlight for being so hidden away from the main road. Felix fit here — cosmically, almost, in the least dramatic way you could muster.

“I’m really glad you feel that way,” you said, hoping that the added sincerity hidden behind the sentiment was felt.

The shimmer in Felix’s eyes told you it was. “I am, too. And I’m especially glad you’re back, because I like seeing you around. I don’t think I’ve given away this many free drinks since that delivery boy last year.”

“I like seeing you, too, Felix.” You finally admitted it, and it was true, even more so as Felix’s shining smile grew even more. You did like seeing Felix, and you would continue to see Felix as much as you were able, all the way to the end.