#the person whose tag this is
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Actually, yes. DO use strong language at God. That's exactly what I'm saying. You're not gonna make the God of the universe blush with a few "fuck"s.
Just to clarify my thoughts (since I've had a number of people ask me about it) re: Job and cursing God. There's a big difference between cursing God as used in Scripture and how we generally would think of cursing at God today.
Cursing someone, in the Bible, has a lot of depth to it. It's not just saying "screw you " in anger, it's got a sense of forsakenness to it. It's the opposite of a blessing, a removal of blessing. If the blessing is presence, your face shining on the person you're blessing, then a curse is absence. In some translations, Job's wife tells him to "renounce God and die," which I honestly think makes a lot more sense to modern ears.
Job says a lot of unpleasant things to and about God in his anger and grief. So do the Psalmists. A number of the Prophets. So can we. God can take it if we come to him with honest expressions of our emotion, including those not-so-nice ones directed at him. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting mad at God and saying, "How dare you, you bastard" when you suffer unjustly. You can say much worse, I think, without sinning, though I don't feel particularly inclined to give examples. But as long as it's an honest expression of your heart, I think you're doing exactly what prayer is for. You're presenting him your heart with an open hand. He can use that. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference, etc.
Job doesn't renounce God. Neither should we. But I think when you're truly suffering, you're gonna have those feelings toward God either way. He'd rather you address them with him directly than try to avoid them. Cursing at God in the modern sense is actually a great way to keep the relationship strong and not end up cursing/renouncing him in the Biblical sense.
#first year of college i can count on one hand the number of times I seriously prayed#second year of college i joined a small prayer group and it really loosened my tongue up#i don't actually think there are that many f-bombs but i know there was a period where i said 'bullshit' a bunch of times#like. way more freely than i do in regular life. trust me i almost never curse#but i think the virtue of strong language is that it's cathartic to use#and sometimes I think prayer is just catharsis in God's direction#certainly not it's only function but i think a very important one#and one that we in the modern western church tend to be kinda bad at#theodicy#pontifications and creations#also note: i am really not trying to come for this person in particular#the person whose tag this is#if you see this i really hope you aren't hurt by it#i really wanted to respond and this was the best way i could think to do it
175 notes
·
View notes
Text
staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%
grace image os i get to look at her
#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the#first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post#for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !!#bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny#EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically#also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am#anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things#also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode#i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep#and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves#also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc#id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever#it wld b fun !!!#oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically#a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday#ya !! :3#flappy rambles#inaccessible#ask to tag#(<- idk. just in case)
34K notes
·
View notes
Text
anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
pelican town, ‘72
#stardew valley#stardew valley spoilers#sdv#sdv spoilers#grandpa#mister qi#mr. qi#idk how dates work in stardew universe im just bullshittin#i love qi’s huge fucking eyebrows you dont notice them at first but theyre there#(gives our collective grandpa a ponytail) i think he had one. whatever#’why isnt mister qi blue’ my hc is he is blue from long-term iridium supplementation#and was originally just a regular person#but also it’s nice to see ur fav be like a normal human color#if u read tag essays tho consider this:#qi discovers secret to immortality (consuming iridium in a specific manner)#wants to share discovery with his farmer (player’s grandpa) and in that way. they will have all the time in the world to build#a perfect farming/business empire whose legacy will last forever and ever and theyll be 2gether forever#but it turns out. like a lot of normal people would. his farmer does not want to live forever#and obv he doesn’t#in an attempt to try not to ever lose the thing that means more to him than anything else in the world. qi inadvertantly ensures he will#because his farmer is dead. and he’s going to live forever#but. it’s kind of ok. because he has infinite money and was able to figure out how to talk to his dead bf#and now YOU help them fulfill their joint goal of making the farm’s legacy last forever#smile. heart#sobbing
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
pathologic fest day 19
"In the Darkness"
where nobody dwells but the earth herself
#pathologic#pathologic 2#herb brides#pathologic_fest#моросентябрь#pathologic fest#мор утопия#nonsexual nudity /#my art#i STAY herbbridesposting......... having a blast#fun fact this one's been in my WIPs for months now#and getting to finish it because it fit the theme so well.... blissful#herb brides can have a little Pythia moment... as a treat#can't believe i have to do this /!\ THIS IS NOT DIONYSOS-RELATED. THOSE ARE NOT MAENADS. THOSE ARE FICTIONAL MEMBERS#OF A FICTIONAL CENTRAL ASIAN-INSPIRED PEOPLE PARTAKING IN MOTHER-EARTH WORSHIP WITHIN A FICTIONAL#CENTRAL-ASIAN INSPIRED SPIRITUALITY. /!\#/!\ THEY WORSHIP AN ALL-MOTHER EARTH-GODDESS WHOSE PROGENY IS THE ENTIRE WORLD AND NOT A MALE GOD OF WINE PASSION THEATRE [...] /!\#/!\ THE OP HAS PERSONAL AND INTIMATE SPIRITUAL/RELIGIOUS BELIEFS AND WOULD NEVER MAKE DEVOTIONAL ART TO A MALE GOD /!\#this would be my portfolio tag if i had a portfolio [portfolio tag]
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
^ guy that’s been in a coma since the 80s
#i’m sorry random person whose tags i saw in the dilf poll but i thought this was kinda funny#surprise he’s a father! (he’s been a father for decades)
3K notes
·
View notes
Note
miku w/ zundamon? up to shenanigans perhaps...
a high being of absolute chaos, completely undefineable by any human standard…and hatsune miku.
#hatsune miku#vocaloid#piapro studio#doodle#ask#pinky-lemon#zundamon#zundamon is one of those mascot whose gender is just ‘zundamon’ and uses a mix of fem and masc personal pronouns#(personal hc territory for rest of the tags)#and yet i cannot bear to use any third-person pronouns in english for zundamon#somehow even they/them does not cut it for zundamon#zundamon is simply zundamon no matter what anyone says about zundamon
313 notes
·
View notes
Text
“ - but have you ever considered, I don’t know, not sucking all the time? Just a thought.”
It takes the combined grips of Nuisance and Hound to keep the wriggling, snarling body beneath Fox from throwing him off its back. With three years’ practice of having to fix his own rickety desk chair over and over again, the movement merely ruffles the proverbial fringe on his helmet.
“And I don’t mean that as an insult, necessarily. Well, I do a little bit. But also I have some amount of empathy for the no doubt immense amounts of trauma that had to go into the creation of something so dysfunctional as you, on a very personal level, so have you considered going to the root of that in a way that’s like… useful? Instead of wasting it all on kriffing Kenobi, I mean. Look at the guy. All he does all day is drink tea and commit warcrimes. I bet he knits for fun. Bit of an embarrassing nemesis, don’t you think?”
“I”, says Kenobi, then pauses. The space between his eyebrows is creased with uncertainty, and he looks deeply torn between continuing rocking the shaking Duchess of Mandalore against his chest from his corner of the throne room and re-activating his lightsaber to continue losing his fight against the Darksider Fox is currently sitting on. “I feel like I should object to some part of that, but I’m not entirely clear on what. Or how this happened, again. Isn’t Mandalore a few star systems from your purview, Commander?”
“Probably the warcrimes”, mutters Nuisance underneath his strained breath.
“About as far from my supposed assignment as yours, General”, says Fox a little louder.
Kenobi twitches. Fox cannot claim to know which of them does it. Both, maybe. Probably.
“I will - taste - your - flesh!”, heaves out Darth Maul, snarling and hissing.
“Oooh, kinky!”, calls Grids, from the corner where she’s got her stun-setting aimed at the other Zabrak, currently passed out cold. Fox sighs deeply. He knew he shouldn’t have taken those three - any combination of Grids, Hound and Nuisance in a room together usually spelled chaos.
Unfortunately, it also spelled competence. The Basic alphabet can be funny that way.
The point being: as of some months into the war, one of Fox’s assigned tasks is the surveillance of all GAR-wide communication. All command-class staff theoretically got that memo, but no one seems to have read the fine print where that includes both professional and personal communication, as well as any and all comm devices registered or suspected to be registered to that person. Especially not one Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala.
The point further being, if that sounds both immensely impractical and sort of terrifying in a democratic supposedly non-surveillance state, you’d be bang on the credits, and to Fox’ eternal chagrin the singular person in this whole useless army who’s spent the second of thinking necessary for that conclusion.
The final point being, when one frantic General’s mad dash across the Galaxy to rescue his teenage sweetheart from the spectre of his supposedly dead nemesis crosses his desk on its way to the Chancellor’s inbox, it doesn’t take much time for him to block any and all trace of it across the digital space of the GAR commboard and take matters into his own hands.
“ - which is why I told Thorn to suck it up and be in charge for a few days, and also why you’re still alive, your Highness, very welcome, was no trouble at all”, he concludes, drily. The Duchess stares the wide-eyed look of someone attempting to reconcile clones with ‘sentience’ or perhaps ‘personality’ in her head, but won’t say it outright.
Or the look of someone who’s just been violently overthrown and nearly murdered, perhaps, Fox allows.
“Um -��, Kenobi hedges, blinking rapidly.
“And the reason you’re still alive, probably. You’re welcome for that too, by the way”, Grids calls from the back of the throne room, cheekily.
“Alright”, says Kenobi, loudly. There’s color back in his deathly-pale cheeks, Fox notes, even if that color is a lot of red. It doesn’t fade very gracefully into his beard. “Opinions on whether or not I had everything under control notwithstanding -“
“You really didn’t”, Hound supplies helpfully.
“ - opinions notwithstanding, I am admittedly still lost on why you’re now sitting on Darth Maul and attempting to, to - jeer at him, Marshall Commander!”
“We’re not jeering, we’re trying to create a safe space and lay the groundwork for more open communication”, Fox says, primly.
Maul screams into the ground, attempting for the umpteenth time to rear up and visit great violence upon Fox, which admittedly has him rattling in his crosslegged seat atop his back.
Kenobi raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Safe space?”
“He’s restrained and not stabbing anyone, I personally feel much safer than before”, Grids muses. “Watch the teeth though, Hound. Little biter.”
Indeed. Fox’s right greave will have to be replaced posthaste.
“And anyways, the point isn’t to jeer at him, it’s to make clear that he’s focusing his energy in the wrong places and could be doing much better things with his admittedly not-great life”, Fox adds, shifting to cast a pointed look down at Maul. The Sith is panting open-mouthed into the durasteel floor, sharp teeth gnashing wildly as his piercing yellow eyes shine with barely restrained rage. “I’m just saying - aim higher. You aren’t seeing the forest for the Kenobis, Maul. Can I call you Maul?”
“I will feed you your own entrails”, yowls Maul.
“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Right now, I’m an easy target to focus all that built-up rage on, but is killing me really going to help you achieve any of your goals? No! Think about it - when it all comes down to it, who sent you on that mission to Naboo in the first place? Who made sure the Jedi and, by extension, Kenobi would be there to kill you? Who used you as a dejarik piece and then cast you aside the second you outlived your usefulness?”
Beneath him, Maul slowly stills in his struggle, still panting heavily. Hound and Nuisance don’t let it deter them in their vigilance, because they’re damn good vod’e and possess an ounce of common sense.
“And, look, I get it. I could spend the rest of my life punching every civilian who spits on me in the streets and it would even be satisfying. I could hit back the Senators who think of clones as easy targets. Or - I can aim my sights at who’s on top. And I think you know who I mean, because you know as well as I do the same damn man has ruined both our lives.”
Kenobi makes an alarmed noise, and Maul an interested one - not that Fox is going to let him walk out of this place awake. Still, he tilts his head in a way he hopes conveys his helmeted grin successfully to non-vod, as well as the bloodlust behind it. “You’re also welcome for the fact that the Chancellor won’t have heard of your spontaneous resurrection yet, by the way. You’ll retain your element of surprise instead of gambling it away on petty revenge on Kenobi.”
“He cut me in half!”
“He killed my master!”
Fox waves their protests away.
“Also, that’s treason!”, Kenobi adds, sputtering. Fox grins. Kenobi purses his lips, and continues. petulantly, “…do you have any proof?”
“So. Much. Proof”, says Nuisance, dreamily. “Like, do you want it alphabetically or by date?”
Which is when the Duchess, of all people, bursts out into barking, crazed laughter.
“You - you’ve certainly given yourself an edge in that fight, Marshall Commander”, she wheezes, brushing tears from her eyes. Fox raises his eyebrows at her, which she somehow seems to be able to tell, because she gestures at the clunky handle dangling from his belt.
“What, this old thing?” He unclasps the black rectangle from its hook, holding it up in the air. Maul stills strangely beneath him, and Kenobi goes ghostly pale again. Fox is starting to get a bad feeling.
“I took it off Viszla and beat him over the head with it. I figured he’d taken it off a Jedi cadet or something. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
#sw tcw fic idea#commander fox#sergeant hound#obi wan kenobi#satine kryze#darth maul#savage oppress#corrie oc nuisance#corrie oc grids#corrie guard deserves better#darth maul deserves… murder?#fox does not find the revelation that he is technically mand’alor very funny. unfortunately everyone else does#sw equivalent of taking deadbeat relatives (mandalorians) to court (becoming their spiritual and somewhat legal sovereign) for child suppor#(recognizing their sentience)#oh the poetic irony of jango fett’s least willing and most feral clone succeeding him#the only person who hates it more than he would is fox#cody is on thin ice. why fox wants to bum it off on him? well he’d do an okay job probably and it would be funny#but back to darth maul yes i’m making fox collect all darksiders#seduced to the sort of light side by goverment coups and political assassination#they might even become ‘friends’ some day if friends means reluctant allies of convenience who sometimes try to tear eachothers throats out#maul may have a bit of a crush#so does savage#hey chat is tasing someone a good wooing tactic? asks grids#grids my love#one of these days i will write out a full introduction scene for my girl even though i’ve spoiled her full name in tags#yeah i’m definitely messing up this cw arc but consider: i don’t care#fs in the chat for obi wan kenobi who’s having possibly the worst day of everyone in this#and he’s not even the one whose sister made him a political prisoner and then tried to kill him by association#will kal skirata be first in line to back fox for mand’alor? maybe. will the nulls bring him the separatist councils heads in bags?#duh
226 notes
·
View notes
Text
sg-1. babylon 5. blake's 7. deep space nine. where are the even numbered sci-fi shows
#couldn't think of one with a three anyone wanna finish the joke for me#also hi mutual whose post inspired this one i'm sure you know who you are#i'm not actually into any of these shows personally so i'm not gonna tag them i'm leaving this one to the hand of god#my posts
175 notes
·
View notes
Text
I want an accomplice. I want an eager traitor, a willing piece of bait. I don't care if they say they're a lesbian, or bi, or a "straight man" - as long as they have a fertile pussy, and a sweet little girlfriend to offer me.
I want to lure their girlfriend over one day - with a picture of their wet, needy cunt, and a text begging for her to come fuck it. And then have the girlfriend find them lying on their bed, bound and gagged, helplessly pleading with their eyes - and me hiding behind the door.
It would be so fucking satisfying to force her down on top of my bound-up bait so that I could rape her from behind. To have that wet pussy she'd come over to taste rubbing against hers every time my hips hit her ass. To see my cum leak out of my victim's cunt and right into my little helper's.
I don't even know which one I'd rather knock up. If my seed took root in the girlfriend, my accomplice could try to convince her to keep it, could tell that they loved her so much that any baby she gave birth to would be a blessing. But if it was the bait who conceived for me, they wouldn't need any convincing - they could just tell their girlfriend that no matter what had happened, they couldn't blame it on their baby-to-be. And she would just have to watch them grow, knowing that every drop of the cum that had bred her beloved had leaked out of her own pussy.
And all the while, my little traitor would be rubbing their pussy frantically beneath the covers every time their girlfriend fell asleep - knowing that they'd carefully framed the picture which drew her over to be raped, and chosen every word that pulled her in.
#this story would have had more misgendering if it weren't so hard to grammatically disambiguate#to the person whose DMs with me this is adapted from: let me know if you want credit in the tags ;)#reorientation writing#reorientation originals#lgetsd#dykebreaking#lesbian breeding#ftm breeding#ftm misgendering kink
235 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's been interesting now that Dorian's back to watch certain segments of the fandom fixate on the idea that he's more than his relationships and claim it's reductive to focus on those aspects of him. Because on one hand, I agree that he's a complex and interesting character on his own; I've written several lengthy meta on him because I just think he's neat! On the other though, it feels disingenuous to claim that people focusing on how he relates to others are somehow belittling his character, because he's one of those characters whose relationships are deeply important to how he moves through the narrative.
He's very other-centred! His morality is focused on his friends and their well-being above all else, to the point he's made some noticeably Not Good choices or suggestions (Making his deal with Lolth; suggesting the group kill all the Pumats in order to get the magic items in the shop) for their benefit. The thing that initially caused him to leave Bells Hells wasn't any need to go on a personal journey, it was because he had to keep his brother safe. What brought him back was that the Sendings he got from Orym after the Solstice made it clear that he needed him. Even mechanically, he's a bard, the sole true support class in 5e. And the way Robbie plays him as such meant we didn't definitively know his subclass for months because he prefers to use his uses of Bardic Inspiration to buff his allies rather than to use Blade Flourishes. How he relates to and supports people is a massive part of his character and trying to erase that erases a large part of what makes him a nuanced and interesting character in the first place.
#how some people talk about him reminds me of how some people talk about vex#as she's also a deeply other-centred character whose personal arc derives from how she relates to others#and a part of me suspects that#just as that discourse around vex arose because she's a woman#nevermind that her player and primary writer is also a woman#that some people talk about dorian this way because he reads as indigenous#nevermind the fact that the person making the choices on how his narrative is taking shape is himself an indigenous man#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#cr discourse#for the tags moreso than the post#dorian storm
163 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think the craziest part of ice ado cancellation to me is like. i remember checking the yoi tag last year and was disappointed by just. the absolute flood of "i lost my passion for this show my inner yoi fan is going into hibernation until ice ado comes out" type posts, but just kinda shrugged and went on because hey, i kinda moved on to different fandoms too.
but than the cancellation news dropped and i check the tag and yeah. there's a lot of people expressing their disappointment and anger with mappa, but there's also so much new art, new posts of people expressing their love for the show and what we were so fortunate to have been given despite everything and i just.
can we promise to keep this fandom alive? to survive just like we did back in 2017-2019 when there was nothing new but the occasional official promo art or a stage play or even skygem's retirement au? older fandoms than us have survived for longer with their newest canon content being decades ago, surely we can all have fun rediscovering and continuing our love for this wonderful story of rediscovering and reinventing what the word love means, whether on the ice or off it.
#yuri on ice#maige's posts#wanted to make a somewhat more positive post for the tag#like yeah im mourning and angry. but that grief and anger comes from the genuine love i have for this anime#for the show who gave hope to a deeply closeted and uncertain 11yo me and for the show thats suddenly so much more relatable now to me#as a finally openly queer person whose abt to enter their 20's and try to discover what i want out of#love and life. i hold this show and its characters so so deeply in my heart and im using this news as an opportunity to finally express tha
152 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.
hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.
so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.
those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)
there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.
i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.
i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.
if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??
the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?
so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.
you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.
they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.
this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.
you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.
#bark bark#ocd tag#actually ocd#also i want to say this now: if you do not experience ocd i do not want your 'well actually' takes on this.#again. this is not a site-wide thing i think everyone should do#do not mistake this for me saying that it's ~okay~ to be wilfully ignorant about genocide or climate disaster#i am speaking to a very specific clinical population whose brains do not work in a way that people outside of that population understand#the guilt you experience with ocd is not the same guilt that everyone has just turned up#it warps your entire personality. it warps your sense of right and wrong#you will deal with it for your entire life unfortunately#(even medicated i still absolutely have Intense White Guilt episodes lol#i just try not to make them my loved ones' problem#because part of handling pathological guilt has to be responsibility without overresponsibility)
106 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking of writing a fic where Wiggly calls Nibbly the "least evil Lord in Black" (a canonical fact about him fyi), and Nibbly responds by deciding to supposedly 'prove him right' by sabotaging his latest apocalypse and working with the humans. Just to fuck with him. As brothers do.
No clue if anyone would even be interested in it but I'm highly considering it. Maybe I'll see where this goes.
edit: turns out people are very interested in this, so I've started writing it! if you're intrigued enough here's the ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51812965
#hiding this in the tags#as the story goes on i think it would be interesting to explore Nibbly's relationship with his whole. evilness.#and maybe even end up with it as an exploration of how an evil god turns ''good'' (more like morally gray)#as he gets attached to the humans he's working with (a few select main characters of the trilogy)#and as he pretends to be a good person he sort of. almost becomes one.#and how that would feel to a god whose sole purpose is to be cruel and evil. and hungry.#but idk if people would be interested in that#which is why im hiding it in the tags#hello if you're reading this :)#i've watched Nightmare Time btw i know the lore B)#npmd#starkid#nerdy prudes must die#lords in black#nibblenephim#nibbly#writing#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#hatchetfield fanfic
335 notes
·
View notes
Text
20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
Would you bend down to kiss him and steal his hat. be honest
Hatless + b&w version
#saker#art tag#my art#star wars oc#chiss oc#sw oc#personally I would lick the sweat off of him but that’s not the question I asked is it#though feel free to tell me what exactly you’d wanna do to him in the tags I love hearing that shit#dedicated to my bestie @birdnanas whose birthday was yesterday 🎊🎉#I know you love it but I rlly am sorry for drawing MY oc for YOUR birthday#well I guess he’s *ours*#ANYWYA I will draw Tami next#also yes: beardker real
54 notes
·
View notes