#again. this is not a site-wide thing i think everyone should do

[lhazaar]

hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

[deadtired-highkeyenergetic]

I Won't Lose You

I've been told by all my friends who have played bg3 that durge runs should not be the first run of the game but here I am, doing just that. In my defense, I want to go around as a fictional dragonborn trying to kill most things and save scumming on dialogue choices for approval ratings.

Summary: The dark urge takes over when Astarion gets injured in battle. In the aftermath, you flee, afraid of what the others think of you now but Astarion goes after you to bring you back to camp and reassure you that nothing has changed.

When the arrow pierces through his shoulder, all you can see is red. Blood roars in your ears, a scream tears itself from your throat and you change. You become a different person, your legs move of their own accord, the dagger in your hand twirls and you stab downwards. Over and over again you stab, blood splattering all over you but you don’t care. You’re not thinking, everything is a blur except the one word that rings in your head.

Kill.

And so you kill, your dagger tearing into flesh and drawing blood with each sickening squelch. The metallic taste floods your tongue and you grin. You feel alive, powerful, invincible. No one can stop you, no one can take anything away from you ever again. Laughter bubbles within your chest, bursting forth as you stand there, head thrown back. Blood drips from your clothes onto the floor but you barely notice it. Euphoria thrums through your veins, you’ve killed the being who tried to take the only thing you have left from you. It feels wonderful.

You feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders and raise your arms towards the sky, laughing all the while.

“Try it! Try and take him away from me!” You yell. “I’ll kill you all!”

Adrenaline rushes through your veins as the goblins flee in terror from the figure covered in blood. Your legs begin to move, feet pushing off the floor as you hunt them down, a wild gleeful look in your eyes. Your dagger slices through their skin, ripping open arteries, tearing off limbs and you only laugh harder at their screams of pain.

You slam your dagger into the neck of the goblin leader, crouching on its back as the body falls to the floor with a loud thud.

“No one can take him away from me,” you growl. “Not even the gods.”

You look up to see your companions’ various reactions, but the only one you really care about is Astarion’s. As you take a step towards him, reaching out with a bloody hand, he takes a step back, ruby eyes wide with horror. For a moment, all he can see is Cazador, drenched in blood with a grin so wide it stretches his face, and then he blinks and you’re standing in front of him, a look of hurt in your eyes.

Before your name can fall from his lips, you’re gone, running into the nearby forest. Everyone turns to look at him, the same question in their minds: what did he do?

Back in camp, Astarion tries to ignore the gnawing feeling in his chest as Shadowheart heals his injury. He can’t shake the look you gave him before running away, the fear that filled your gaze. He recognised the look, after all, it was the same as the one he wore as Cazador’s spawn – the look of despair.

“I’m going out for a walk,” he says and leaves the camp before anyone can say anything. In all honesty, he has no idea how to find you, all he knows is that he has to. He can’t leave you alone to fend for yourself, especially not in that condition of yours. Letting out a sigh, he makes his way back to the battle site. He can try starting from there, track the scent of your blood and hopefully find you before anything else does.

When he reaches the site, he notices a lone figure sitting by the bloodstained rubble, their knees hugged against their chest.

“Y/N,” he calls out. You look up, and then quickly look back down, curled even more into yourself. Astarion feels his undead heart ache at the sight of your current state. You’ve always been the life of the party – cheerful, upbeat, optimistic. He’s the one who is broody, sitting in the corner and staring at everyone else and yet here you are, sitting all alone in the cold night with no fire to keep you warm.

“May I inquire as to why you have stolen my role as the broody rogue?” He seats himself next to you whilst maintaining some distance. You keep silent, staring into the distance.

“Come now, darling. Let’s head back to camp, the others miss you dearly, not as much as they miss me of course but –”

“Leave.” Your voice wavers. When he doesn’t move, you repeat your words a little louder. “I said leave.”

“But why, darling? You’re clearly cold and hungry, the camp has both fire and food. Don’t tell me you plan on freezing to death while starving? It’s not a very comfortable way to go,” he tuts. “You should choose a better way of dying.”

“I deserve it,” you mutter. “After what I did.”

“After what you did? You killed the goblins and protected the weak, I don’t believe any of that is deserving of such a slow death.” Astarion attempts to lighten the mood but your face remains sullen.

“You know what I’m talking about. I saw it, the way you looked at me. You don’t want me anymore, you shouldn’t. I’m a monster.” Your voice cracks, tears sliding down your cheeks.

“That’s not the worst thing I’ve seen,” his voice drops to a whisper. “And my feelings for you haven’t changed in the slightest. I still want whatever it is that we have, this weird relationship of ours. Nothing will ever change my mind about it. Your appearance simply…reminded me of something I’d rather forget in that moment, but the situations couldn’t be more vastly different.”

Astarion reaches out with a hand, simply holding an upturned palm towards you. A simple gesture, but one filled with so much meaning between the two of you. You stare at it, a hand slowly reaching out before pulling back again when you see how bloodstained your hand is.

Seeing as you are still in no mood to talk, he continues. “Whenever Cazador was covered in blood, it tended to be my blood. Usually it was after he had finished torturing me for whatever sick reason he had and he would smile at me, asking if I would be his good pet. You were covered in goblin blood, vowing to kill anyone even the gods if they tried to harm me. You were protecting me, not harming me, and I am forever grateful for that.”

Astarion takes your bloodstained hand and presses it against his cheek, leaning into the warm feeling, “I need you, Y/N.”

You feel a fresh wave of tears prick at the corners of your eyes, biting your bottom lip to stop the cascade. He shifts closer to you and leans in, ready to pull away should you flinch but you remain still, looking him in the eye and so he wraps himself around you, holding you tightly.

The dam bursts open and you weep, clutching at his tunic. Ugly tears dampen his sleeve, ruining his perfect appearance but Astarion doesn’t care. He’d do anything for you, just like how you’d do anything for him. The vampire spawn rests a reassuring hand on the back of your head while the other rubs circles on your back as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear. Right now, only you matter, and if you needed a shoulder to cry on, he would be that shoulder.

“I can’t lose you,” you sob through the tears. “I’ve lost everything else already, I can’t lose you too. WIthout you, I…I don’t know what to do. You’re the only one who keeps me going.”

Astarion presses his lips to your head, closing his eyes as he takes in your sweet scent, “I can’t lose you either, Y/N, and I promise, we will remain by each other’s side forever.”

His words make you cry harder and you bury yourself into his chest, crying until you have nothing left to give and lie there panting, cries reduced to sniffles. Astarion kisses away the tears that remain on your cheek, lips lingering longer than necessary with each kiss before pressing his forehead against yours.

“All these years, I’ve always wondered if anyone would ever care about me to the point where they would do anything to protect me, and now I’ve found my answer in you,” he murmurs. “I couldn’t be happier knowing that you would choose me over everything else.”

“I love you too,” you whisper back. “Thank you, for accepting me after seeing what I really am.”

“Any time, dearest.” He continues to cradle you in his arms, gently swaying from side to side. As your eyelids begin to flutter shut, he decides that tonight, it can’t just be you who is vulnerable. You trust him enough to drop your guard to this extent around him, he wants to repay the favour.

“I had a nightmare about you, just the other night.” He gently pushes your hair out of your face, tracing your jawline. He’s been wanting to keep this a secret, afraid of scaring you but since you had challenged the gods themselves, perhaps a vampire wasn’t that scary in comparison.

“Did I look hot in it?”

Astarion blinks in surprise. Maybe he was rubbing off on you too much. Amusement colours his face as he gives your cheek a poke and pouts. “First you steal my role as the broody rogue in the party and now you try to take my place as the residential flirt?”

“It’s all your fault,” you huff good naturedly, folding your arms across your chest. “You’ve been a terrible influence on me.”

He smiles softly, giving you a peck on the lips, “I suppose I have. Although I must say, you have a long way to go before you can ever reach my level.”

“I can’t possibly put you out of a job, can I? Whatever will I do to keep my vampire lover around then?”

“You simply need to exist, darling. That is all.”

Your gaze softens and you press your lips against his, kissing him deeply.

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” You ask once you reluctantly break away from the kiss to breathe. He nods, swallowing hard.

“Cazador had you. He threatened to kill you unless I returned to him, threatened to turn you into one of his spawn just like me and make you suffer for an eternity while I watched. You swore and cursed at me, saying all this was my fault, that it was all because of me that you were now on the cusp of being turned into a vampire spawn, and I –” His fingers tremble. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“Star –”

“I hesitated! I thought about putting myself before you, and I –”

“I want you to do that.”

His eyes widen, “darling, you can’t possibly –”

“Star, you’ve spent far too long putting everyone before yourself. You need to start putting yourself before others from time to time, to stand up for yourself. I want you to live your own life, not someone else’s. And if Cazador ever comes for us, well I won’t let him separate us. We’ll have each other’s backs as we always do, and he won’t stand a chance.”

You say it with such certainty that Astarion almost believes you, but a nagging voice in the back of his head reminds him of how strong Cazador is. Yet, looking deep into your eyes and seeing your resolve, a small part of him dares to hope again. Maybe, he really could stand up against his master with you by his side. Maybe one day, he really could be free, but for now, he’s more than content to simply hold you in his arms, feeling your warm embrace and his undead heart soaring.

[forfucksakesniall]

Protective Daddy

Pairing: Dad!Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Summary: Lewis and his partner decide to reveal their pregnancy to the world.

Word count: 889

After Lewis announced your pregnancy on Instagram, everyone's questions and assumptions have been answered.

A picture of your ultrasound and your belly with his face squished next to it.

Lewis is known for his private lifestyle, but he has recently felt the need to address rumors and accusations that have been circulating about him. Speculation has arisen regarding his involvement with certain models and allegations of cheating, including taking them back to hotels, among other things. However, none of these rumors are true, and Lewis felt it was time to clear the air.

On the other side of all that nonsense, you and Lewis have been together for a while now, five years to be exact. He has done some pretty good work on keeping things on the down-low. People knew who you were, but not enough to make too much noise. They knew you guys were dating; you've been seen in a few of the races and even outside the tracks.

But in these few months, people noticed your absence in some of them, and that's how the rumors started bubbling.

Lewis was seen with some people on and off the tracks due to mutual friends, but this caught the attention of paparazzi and gossip sites. As a result, people are slowly assuming that you either broke up or he was cheating.

During all the commotion, you were in Monaco, living the life in Lewis’ apartment. You were laying down on the bed, enjoying your pregnancy cravings.

However, after one too many instances of sneaking your hands into the cookie jar, Lewis caught you red-handed.

“Lew, can I please have one more cookie?” you asked with wide, begging eyes.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" he replied, taking the jar off the nightstand. You, already on edge from your hormones, did the only logical thing and start pouting.

"But..." your voice trailed off.

As you looked up at him then down at your belly, Lewis sighed, "Fine..."

“I love you, Lewis,” you said.

With a small hint of amusement in his voice, Lewis replied, "Are you just saying that because you want the cookies back?"

"No," you answered.

"Then what, my love?" he teases you. "Because if you don't have a good reason, I'm taking this back." while he holds the jar hostage.

"Because.... you.. are... such a good daddy to our baby for giving his mommy what she needs," you replied.

Lewis unable to hide the smile from spreading across his face.

"I'm the best daddy that our little one could have ever asked for," he agreed, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on your cheek.

"So, what about that cookie now?" you asked.

"Hmm..." Lewis hummed in thought, his lips pursing as he pondered his answer.

"You know, maybe one more cookie wouldn't be so bad for mummy," he eventually conceded.

"Of course not," you replied happily.

While you enjoy your last cookie for today, Lewis is on his phone, and his face is obviously distraught.

"What is it?" you ask.

Still not looking at you, Lewis replies, "What is what?"

He seems annoyed whatever was on his phone and is waiting for you to elaborate.

"I know that look. What's wrong?" you ask.

With a sigh, Lewis finally looks over at you and runs a hand at the back of his neck. He pauses before answering.

"I've been reading these... rumors. People have been saying that I'm seen with other women and that we aren't together anymore."

"Well... were you with other women?" you ask.

With a sigh, Lewis leans back against the bed, crossing his arms across his chest. He seems to ponder your question before replying.

"No, I haven't been with other women."

After a moment, he continues, "At least... not in a physical sense. There have been some... conversations with other women, but nothing that should be considered cheating."

"Hmm," you say, curious.

After a few moments of silence, Lewis finally speaks to you again.

"Do you believe them?"

You smile at him. "Of course not. I think it's just that people don't know about my pregnancy, so now they're making up some weird rumors."

Lewis nods slowly, his expression softening as you reassure him.

"Good, my love," he says, using the affectionate term. "Let them talk. They don't know the truth."

Lewis then moves closer to you and wraps his arm around you.

"You and I... we know what is really happening."

"Yeah... but it bothers you," you say.

Lewis is quiet for a moment, then replies, "Of course it does."

He sighs and pulls you a bit closer to his larger frame.

"I may not show it, but I care very much about you, and what people say about us matters to me."

"I know, babe," you say, cradling his face and leaning in for a kiss.

Lewis smiles slightly and gently responds to your kiss, wrapping his hands around your waist.

He pulls you into his embrace, his lips gently pressing against yours while one of his hands rests on your stomach.

Lewis pauses for a moment as though contemplating something.

"I think we should tell everyone that you are pregnant with our child," he says softly.

He seems to be thinking about the consequences of such a public reveal.

"It's a big step, but it would stop the rumors in their tracks..."

"Are you sure?" you ask.

"I want it to be official. Not just between us, but for everyone else to know as well," he says.

Lewis's arms tighten around you.

"You are carrying my child, and I want the world to know," he whispers.

"Okay then," you say.

"Let's go tell the world about our little one," he says sweetly.

With one last kiss, Lewis pulls back and smiles at you.

[absolutelynotararr]

THE MEANING OF NAMES IN THE EPIC: PART 2. POLITES AND EURYLOCHUS

RAR!

Part 1 part 3

Yes, yes, yes, I couldn't ignore these two. And in general, they were the very first ones whose names meanings I looked up on the Internet!

  Let's start, perhaps, with Polites, cause Eurylochus...ha-ha... the most interesting is usually left for last ;)))

The search for the meaning of the name Polites was long, cause I wanted to find something other than 1-2 meanings, but most sites gave the same information, so here I will tell only about these two meanings

• If we translate "Polites" from Greek ( Πολίτης) - then the translator gives us "citizen", but if we try to divide the name into parts, then only one will be, in my opinion, normal - "politics " (Πολίτ). If you try to search for something by this meaning, then deep in the sites it gives out - free citizen, or something like that. That is, the first meaning is completely connected with the political and civil meaning

• BUT-BUT-BUT the second thing that the search didn't give me right away... "Respect". Yes, our beloved good-natured Polites really leaves something good also in his name !!! And, as for me, it's super cute and great (and suspicious), what is such a positive quality as respect and as a result in the musical we have a kind sunshine !

Now Eurylochus-...

• I was 86% sure that Jorge was looking into the meaning of the names to get inspiration for the songs and the changed plot, and now I'm 96% sure of it. CAUSE THE MOST POPULAR ENGLISH MEANING IS "TURNED INTO A PIG BY CIRCE"! AND IN THE MUSICAL WE GET THE OPPOSITE OF THAT MEANING (of course, there are other reasons for this event, that Eurylochus was the only one who was not turned into a pig, BUT STILL-) .It seems to me that Jorge decided to make fun of Eurylochus (at least a little) by putting him in an event that is opposite to the meaning of the name

But do you think my confidence will end there?? NOPE! ABSOLUTELY NOT!

• If we divide the name into two parts again, then in addition to "Wide" from the "Εὐρύ" part, we also get... "Each" (  Εὐρύ again) and "Team" (λοχος) ... That is, if you slightly rework the resulting translation, you get... "Everyone on the team". WHAAAT DOES EURYLOCHUS MEAN FOR THE EPIC FROM A MUSICAL POINT OF VIEW?  True, true, true - the voice of the team, EVERYONE IN THE TEAM!

This cannot but be suspicious and lead to certain conclusions, don’t you agree? I absolutely love finding something like this, you should have seen my shock and joy when I found such a cool detail!!!

I, LITERALLY SINCE THE DAY I FOUND ALL OF THIS:

Updated: I am considering these meanings of names only from the point of view of the MUSICAL, how JORGE could have been inspired by the names for certain moments in EPIC. Here are just assumptions and simply interesting facts that someone might not know and I decided to tell those who didn't know about it! If there was anything here related to the original, I would have noted it first!

[disabled-dragoon]

Gardening with A Disability

Everyone answering my gardening questions has been so helpful and kind. It's made me feel a lot better than when I started the week, but I've reached a point where I'm getting quite a bit of advice thrown at me all at once and it's getting difficult to keep track of it all, so I'm going to note it all down here!

Recommended Plants:

Mint, Tomatoes (Regular, Cherry), Cucumber, Radishes, Strawberries, Peppers. Aubergines, Potatoes, Squash, Lettuces, Chard (Swiss), Beets, Spring Onions, Garlic, French Beans (Specifically Dwarf French), Carrots, Kale, Spinach, Onion, Celery, Bush Beans, Blueberries, Bok Choy, Zucchini, Edible Flowers, Sunflowers, Green Beans, Currants, Lavender, Thyme, Rosemary, Oregano, Sage

Methods:

Fabric Pots

Raised Beds* I was pointed towards Vego garden beds as a starting point. They are quite expensive but I think it's still worth a look to see what you might consider with raised beds.

Trellises

Gallon Buckets

Grow bags in inflatable kiddie pools with a few holes drilled inches from the bottom

Bottomless Pots

Grow Tents and Greenhouses

Nursery Plants

Vertical Grow Towers* Was helpfully linked to this site.

Soil and hay bales

Soaker hoses on the topsoil of small raised beds

Grow bags in bins or on low tables, in 1-2 inches of water

Using a grabber to weed

Long handled tools

Things to Note:

Someone recommended if growing potatoes not to do them in pots as you generally have to lift the pot and tip it over to harvest them.

You can specifically get "container-sized" varieties of plants.

If looking into growing squash and cucumber in pots, look for "bush" varieties, or get "short and wide" trellises for the vines so they're not on the floor.

Big pots for aubergines.

Vertical grow towers are useful because they spin and you can adjust the height, but the price is a bit expensive.

Peppers and aubergines do well in 4-5 gallon buckets.

Cherry tomatoes, cucumbers and potatoes do well in 5 gallon buckets. You can grow blueberries in 5 gallons as well if they are of a "bush" variety

Bush beans do well in window boxes.

You can grow beets in window boxes but they might not get as big.

Strawberries grow well in 1-2 gallon buckets, and can be rooted into other buckets for more plants.

Bok Choy grows great in 2-3 gallon buckets and a "slightly shady" spot.

Containers need more consistent watering and fertilizer than ground plants.

"Lettuce in a “cut and come again” variety should be pretty easy to maintain but do prefer cooler weather".

Apparently immature sunflower heads are edible.

Thyme, rosemary, oregano and sage don't need much watering. Neither does lavender if outside.

Get a bag of soil specifically for container growing.

Buy already established plants and put them in containers larger than maybe necessary.

[fujosh1dreamer]

I hate Alastor and it's all your fault.

This was not always the case of course, way back when the pilot first can out Alastor was one of my faves and the more I learned about him the more I loved him.

The real icing on the metaphorical cake was his sexuality, as someone who identifies as aroace he was the representation I never had. And still don't have.

That's neither here nor there I guess. His sexual orientation has already been solidified there no changing it. However, the problem is with the Fandom.

The people who want to preach on asexuality and tell people who are on that spectrum what for, who want to excuse their disrespectful actions by telling us we're wrong they're the problem.

I would have more respect for these people if they just went and said, hey I hate ace people and I don't respect your or think you belong in the LGBT community and I would have way more respect towards them.

The hazbin hotel Fandom is the worst I've ever been in. Which says a lot I'm not some wide eyes preteen, I'm been around a long time and I've been in some pretty terrible Fandoms. I still get flashbacks anytime someone mentions Voltron, but Hazbin is 1000× worse than Volton could ever be.

I would never recommend this show for people to watch because of this Fandom.

Specifically the Alastor fans you're toxic and terrible. I don't care what side of the argument you're on. I don't care if you agree with the argument about Alastors sexuality or not.

There's a way to talk to people and discuss thing and the way it happens in this Fandom is not it.

It not just the stuff about being ace it's everything about his character that this Fandom makes worse. The way he gets headcanoned and misinterpreted, and the way those same people deny the Canon evidence right in their faces. The way they get mad a vivzie the creator for not making the character "correctly" when he doesn't belong to them.

I hate everything about Alasor now because of the toxicity of this community.

It's crazy how Val fans are more understanding and bearable to be around than an Alastor fan. At least the Val fan base can acknowledge that he's a bad person. At least they're not constantly arguing that secretly deep down inside he's actually kind and understanding. My god man. He's a serial killer.

Don't even get me started on the abuse talk. If I hear one more person say Husk deserved his abuse I'm gonna lose it. Or if I hear one more person say Husk has it better than Angel, and compare their traumas again... you guys suck.

And you're sick in the head.

Current as it stands Alasor is my least favorite character in this whole show. I like Adam more than this guy, and I hated Adam.

What makes it worse is that, things would probably be different if people respected tags. And tagged things properly so people like me don't have to be triggered by things. That's what should me this stupid he'll site better than Twitter is that I can block things I don't want to see. Instead you freaks can't even do that right.

I'd like to think most of the people watching this show are seasoned tumbler veterans. But the lack of proper tagging tells me otherwise. Or maybe it's the lack of respect.

Because that what tagging is all about respecting others, and gving them the choice not to see something they don't want to. Correctly using tags is courteous.

People have been using tags properly on this site and it sucks that the Hazbin Fandom thinks they're about it.

Thinks they're above everyone and everything.

There's probably more I need to say but I can't think of it.

You guys are terrible and I hope you have a terrible day. Screw this Fandom and screw Alastor because apparently yall just don't care.🖕

[toujokaname]

Mischief / Episode 5

Characters: Kohaku, HiMERU, Niki   

"The people who love cooking and aim to be great chefs... They often break down when they face that reality."

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Spring

Location: Café Cinnamon

One week later. At Crazy:B's hangout spot, the coffee shop Cinnamon.

Kohaku: I just can't wrap my head around it...

HiMERU: What exactly are you talking about?

Niki: Nahaha, Kohaku-chan, you're making that ugly face again~♪

HiMERU: Please don't scowl like that. You're much cuter when you smile, Oukawa ♪

Kohaku: Oh, shuddup. I was born with this face, leave me be.

More importantly... I'm talkin' 'bout that show of ours—the one with the name so embarrassin' I can hardly bring myself to say it...

HiMERU: Are you referring to "Kohaku & HiMERU's Daily Joyful Cohabitation Life"?

Kohaku: Yeah, that one. How can ya say that with a straight face, HiMERU-han?

HiMERU: Once you get used to it, it's really nothing at all.

However, since the official name is unnecessarily long, it seems fans have taken to abbreviating it as "K&H JoyLife."

It appears management is also jumping on the bandwagon and using that name in hashtags

Kohaku: Where'd they even get that shortenin' from? I kinda get it, but also... don't?

HiMERU: Well, what's the issue with "JoyLife"...?

As HiMERU predicted, the show has gained notable popularity with the public.

Niki: Right. It's been updated daily for a week now, so... one, two, three... Umm, it's already on episode seven, I think? Probably?

HiMERU: ...How about taking a bit more interest in idol work, Shiina?

Niki: I'm not interested in idol work is the thing! I do like you guys, though, so I've been tuning into JoyLife pretty often.

It's easy to watch, no stress, so I just let it run in the background while I'm stuck doing tedious chores.

HiMERU: Tedious chores? Like cooking?

Niki: Huh? But it makes no sense to say cooking is tedious?

HiMERU: —Anyway. This program has gained wide acceptance, including those who casually watch videos in that manner, and its view count is skyrocketing.

It reaches beyond those indifferent to HiMERU and Oukawa, or even PBB; it's attracting those who normally care little for Crazy:B or idols altogether.

Niki: Yeah. Crazy:B's style was supposed to be pretty edgy, y'know?

It surprised me to see regular parents and kids at the store chatting about JoyLife.

Rinne-kun's been pouting, saying "They beat me to it!" He's so upset, he's been holed up in his room.

HiMERU: Heh. If only everything had been left to HiMERU from the start, instead of Amagi.

In the end, HiMERU is the best at handling Crazy:B.

Kohaku: Hmm... Well, hate to say it, but I might be with Rinne-han on this one. I really don't see what's so appealin' 'bout JoyLife.

Could it be that we're the ones who are outta touch or somethin'...?

Is there really no need for creativity or actual entertainment in a show?

If a show with us just lazin' around is this popular, then we don't have to think or do anythin' special at all, now do we...?

That's no different from the rare creatures kept at zoos or aquariums.

HiMERU: Yes. Which means that is precisely the ideal standard idols should aspire to.

There's no need for us to think at all. All we have to do is act either beautifully or cutely; in other words, just being charming is enough.

Kohaku: That's just like bein' a doll on display. I still can't accept that.

You've been actin' strange this whole time, HiMERU-han, but now even what you're sayin' has gotten weird. Are you seriously fine with acceptin' this?

HiMERU: Once again, we don't even need to accept it. To embody exactly what everyone desires, without a single millimeter of error—

Isn't that what it means to be an idol?

Kohaku: Hmm... Well, seein' how well JoyLife's doin', I can't exactly argue.

But still, it just... don't sit right with me.

Niki: I kinda get what you're saying, HiMERU-kun.

HiMERU: Shiina? You understand HiMERU?

Niki: Ah! You think I'm too dumb to understand complicated stuff, don't you! Well, that's exactly right!

But, it's kinda the same as cooking.

HiMERU: Hm...?

Niki: Chefs always wanna put their own spin on things, get fancy, but that's not really necessary. Fundamentally, you just need to stick to the recipe.

I'm satisfied with just making and eating the food, so I was pretty fine with it, but...

The other apprentices at the restaurant I trained at, they often couldn't handle the burnout and ended up quitting.

They'd say stuff like "We're not just machines in a factory, repeating the same task over and over!"

HiMERU: ......

Niki: Especially in a restaurant, you have to make the same dish over and over and over again. Like a machine.

The people who love cooking and aim to be great chefs... They often break down when they face that reality.

Being a chef and being an idol are different jobs, but in that way? They're kinda the same, right? Maybe?

[ ☆ ]

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[elithilanor]

The Unfinished Drafts

Aka my thoughts on gender and elves isn't super concrete anyone and here's an exploratory draft I had going in themes of forcing myself to write more and get over my imposter syndrome and also it's pride

Aka Haldir is having Thoughts about Gender and Elrond is everyone's dad

Unfinished drafts are things I probably won't complete due to some reason. In this case, my stances on elvish gender have changed so it's not really relevant anymore to my thought process. But it also makes me happy so here it is.

Haldir had spent the better part of a year ruminating over this conversation and yet he found the words still wouldn’t come to him.

“I cannot Shapeshift.” He finds himself blurting out.

“No. I wouldn’t have supposed you could.” Lord Elrond responds, a small tilt of his head as he assesses the Warden. “That is a fairly restricted gift of lineage.”

“Yes, correct. But are there -“ Haldir pauses, his heart pounding in his chest. His hands flutter before he smooths them down at his side.

“Haldir.” Lord Elrond says gently, kindly. He is always gentle and kind; surely he would not think less of him even if it were not possible.

Elven gender is not like the race of Men; they are much more fluid. But he wasn’t changing his role in society or the wardrobe he wore. He was changing the very foundation of his gifts from Illuvitar.

“I - are there ways to change the body's form? Without shifting one’s body? Perhaps… permanently?” He focuses on the roses below the balcony. He finds himself unable to look at the Peredhel Healer.

He’s sure his brothers have guessed, maybe others, perhaps the Lady Galadriel even knows. She has had that mischievous look in her eyes for the past three weeks and his finding Lord Elrond without any additional guests at his side had been surprisingly easy for how busy he was.

But it’s different to say it out loud.

Different to say it out loud and mean it. Different to change things as they are. To change things to what they should be.

He hears Lord Elronds robes brush his legs as he walks away and Haldir’s heart drops. He closes his eyes. Perhaps the whole notion had been ridiculous. He supposes he could try himself, but it truly was a bit too ridiculous to contemplate. Battlefield medic he was, not an elf with the gifts of his Lady.

“There are more than you might think.” Elrond says warmly, squeezing Haldir’s shoulder reassuringly as he appears back in his line of site. Elrond presses a goblet into Haldir’s hand and firmly guides him to the settee. His legs are much less sturdy than he had thought they were. He finds the hand Elrond has on his shoulder the only point of grounding; he feels as light as air.

“Shifting one’s form magically is rare, which means that for ages, others have had to find other means to do. Usually surgically as magic is not precise enough and can cause a host of negative effects. To name a few who have undergone a form of transition to their bodies: Maeglin, Caranthir, King Fingon, Círdan. Elves who farm, and hunt, and clean the floors, and sew garments. Elves who prefer staying in the background; elves who rise in the ranks of the Galadhrim. Elves of all genders changing to what matches their feäs.”

Haldir nods, mind racing. He wasn’t alone. He wasn’t alone.

“I can reach out to some of the others for you? They often like to meet the new and assist with recovery afterwards.” Haldir nods again, eyes wide.

“Please.” He whispers, feä scrubbed raw.

Elrond hums softly and wraps an arm around the younger elf’s shoulders. Some of the tension seeps out of Haldir’s chest.

[oumaheroes]

WIP

Digging through my folders found me this, a WIP I'd started for Cake's birtday before spiralling off into other ones. I had vague notions for it, and although I don't have plans to continue anytime soon it deserves to have a spot in my archives just in case I lose it again

----------------------------

‘Sorry, were you-?’

‘No no, go ahead.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Oh no, I shouldn’t have been there anyway. Just waiting for someone.’

‘Ah.’ Gabriel slides up to the coffee machine and sticks out his hand to the man he just moved, ‘Gabriel. Hello, by the way.’

‘Arthur.’

Arthur’s hands are rough. His handshake is firm, a solid squeeze of Gabriel’s fingers and a single jerk down that feels familiar in its assuredness. He knew someone who shook like that before, he thinks. Someone long, long ago.

‘Lovely to meet you.’

‘Likewise.’

----------------------------

‘So, how did it go?’

‘I’m sorry?’

‘Your interview.’

‘Ah, that.’ Gabriel smiles and leans against the counter, ‘I’m surprised you remembered.’

Arthur shrugs dismissively but looks pleased, ‘Labouring, wasn’t it?’

‘Building, specifically.’ Gabriel looks out of the communal dining hall’s windows to the grassy flatlands beyond. Perfect location, perfect weather- there was a whole estate planned. Two men jog in the distance around the marked-out area, one thin one thick and both almost white blonde, and Gabriel watches the steady pump pump pump of their arms, ‘I wanted to try for site manager but I went for regular construction in the end.’

Arthur hesitates, ‘And?’

‘I got it. Start tomorrow.’

‘Congrats.’ Arthur does not do public displays of emotion. Gabriel has known him long enough to know this, and easily catches Arthur’s arm twitch as if to reach for him. It is over in a second and it stays safely where it is, crossed over his chest. ‘I said you had no reason to be nervous. They always need people.’

Gabriel laughs, ‘Yeah, I know.’

‘And you’re really good.’

‘Thanks, Art.’

‘What are you thanking me for? It’s true. Should have gone for the manager like I told you to.’

Gabriel snorts and looks down into his mug. Coffee still tastes the same, still wrong. ‘I don’t mind. All I really wanted has already happened.’

----------------------------

‘When did you decide to come to Earth?’ Gabriel’s hands are in the grass, knuckles curled down to the soil. It is hard and cool, the earth shaded by the tall, thick tree at his back, ‘Was it long?’

On his ladder, Arthur lets out a breath and looks up at the sky. ‘I don’t know. It feels like forever.’

 They are in his gardens, the ones he keeps just for fun. Outside of the crop fields and orchards which take up most of his time, as wide and long as they could go and lined with glittering greenhouses, Arthur is to be found here: small scrabbled patches of the beautifully useless. Green islands along the edges, filled with flowers that would poison, bushes that would not bear fruit. Things that were grown for the sake of it alone, plants which had no purpose other than to please. Done in his own time the colony leaders could not argue with him doing so.

Gabriel had a feeling that even if they did, Arthur wouldn’t listen.

‘We learnt about Earth at school.’ Arthur adds, returning to his work. He stretches his arms into the heart of the branches and continues to prune, ‘My planet isn’t all that far away in the grand scheme of the Diaspora. But I didn’t want to go truly until I was fifteen.’

‘What happened then?’

Arthur looks embarrassed. He touches the outdated e-tab he always keeps by his side, hung in a sling at his waist. ‘My home city sphere was quite large, enough so for a botanical garden. It was my first time seeing anything like this outside of a tab.’

‘Must have been nice.’

‘It was unlike anything I’d ever seen.’

Gabriel understands. Everyone on the colony does.

He shuts his eyes and breaths in deep and slow. The clouds and the leaves above create a sea of moving shadows across the inside of his eyelids, quick flashes of red like small fish. As the warm wind ruffles his hair, the start of his first ever real summer, Gabriel presses his back against the tree and lets his imagination go.

[romaine2424]

Daily Blog July 3, 2023

Not feeling chatty today, too many errands and chores to do. At least I don't have to buy fireworks this year for the 4th of July. They were just outlawed last year where I live. Before that, we were all out in the street shooting of aerials and and lots of other things. Neighbors around the corner always put on quite the show. Had a few scary moments over the years. But it was all fun until the clean up!

What I'm reading:

Oh wow Everybody Hates a Tourist by anon for the @hd-wireless fest definitely earned it's right to open the fic portion of the fest. It created quite the atmosphere in Brighton were we find one Draco Malfoy living the gay Muggle scene for the last 8 years.

Summary:

On a stag do in sunny Brighton with the Gryffindor lads, the last person Harry expects to run into is Draco Malfoy. After a glimpse of Malfoy’s Muggle life in Britain’s gay capital, Harry’s curiosity gets the better of him and he finds himself returning to the seaside again and again, drawn to the city, drawn to this new version of Malfoy that Harry barely recognises from school. Meanwhile, Draco’s just trying to live his big and best queer life: working for the weekend, chasing hot men, getting lost in Brighton's nightlife, and making friends with the neighbourhood cats. Why does his former school rival and crush have to show up and spoil everything?

There was so much to enjoy about this fic given the summertime atmosphere and just hanging out in the pubs, having some smokes, and eating bits of this and that. Harry in this fic is going through some changes in his life but is still on solid ground physically and mentally. We think Draco is too, but there is a vulnerability there and, of course, Harry wants to fix it. One of my favorite things about this fic is Harry's innocence but also sense of adventure. Draco introducing him bit by bit to his lifestyle and the atmosphere of Brighton and Harry is wide-eyed but also enthusiastic. Very cute. Oh and asking for gossip about fellow classmates was a riot. Poor innocent Harry. :) A lovely feel-good fic with definite moments of seriousness. Read and definitely give MA some love with comments!

Everybody Hates a Tourist on AO3

Drarry Tumblr Fic/Art Resources

I know most of you are probably already following @thedrarrylibrarian, but not everyone goes to the home page of someone's Tumblr site. This is a must for @thedrarrylibrarian because there is so much packed into a few links. The first thing you should do is read the FAQ on the home page before you get started. Especially if you're looking for a type of fic. Some fic genres and tropes aren't covered. Also, if you're looking for a specific fic, this is not the place as noted. That is @lostdrarryfics, another great drarry fandom resource.

What is on here is a Card Catolog, which gives a plethora of subject matters to find fics under. Like Beach Reads, or Spy!Draco or Raising Teddy. And even better, they are being continually updated.

Also there is the Reference Section, which is extremely helpful. Here's a few examples: How to Tag your Fic, How to Gain Friends & Friends Writing Fanfic, and How to Write Fanfic Summaries!

The last category, I've mentioned before and that is Friends of the Library, which is a list with links to the collaborations with other writers/artists/reccers/friends, which includes The Happy Hour events.

And finally, you can always ask for a type of fic(s) to fulfill a certain want or need. :)

A lot of work has gone into the site. It's very easy to use, which I particularly am a fan of. So go play around and see what you can discover in the @thedrarrylibrarian!

Tomorrow is a holiday and I'm not sure I'll be making a post as we have some family plans. Hope everyone enjoys their week!

Rom

[lilnasxvevo]

I was on the incel wiki bc one of you losers cross posted a greentext that mentioned negative canthal tilt and I was like “what the fuck is that” and looked it up and didn’t notice that the result I clicked on was incel wiki instead of regular Wikipedia right away bc the themes are very similar. And the article on canthal tilt on incel wiki is surprisingly even-handed so I did a little poking around on the rest of the site to see if it was somehow similarly reasonable and it largely was not.

The reason Toulouse-Lautrec on the homepage made me scream was just. 1) I severely doubt he would identify with incels/as an incel if he was made aware of the movement and 2) I severely doubt he would want That to be the main thing literally anybody on earth knew/remembered him for. Also I am not a Toulouse-Lautrec expert but I don’t think that’s even true. A quick glance at his Wikipedia page shows that he did have at least one legit actual girlfriend in his life. Especially for artists of the era, just because someone hangs out with sex workers a lot doesn’t mean no one wants to date them.

They go on to list Van Gogh as an incel as well which is nonsense. Certainly there was a long period of time in his adult life where he does not seem to have had a partner of any kind but he had so much shit going on that this also doesn’t seem to have been even in his top 20 most pressing personal problems. He may fit some people’s definition of “incel” but the idea that he’d particularly identify with the movement is, again, absurd.

If incels want a poster boy it would be much more logical to find a historical figure who actually wrote or complained about how difficult never being able to find a partner was for them emotionally and the negative impact this had on them. None particularly come to mind, except idk, maybe Petrarch? John Donne? But incels don’t strike me as the kind of people who read very widely, because to me it’s just such an ignorant, self-obsessed movement. I think if incels did things besides thinking about how single they are, they wouldn’t be Like That. For your primary obsession in life to be, essentially, the fact that you can’t control what other people think of you, I think you must be living a life that is tragically very limited, and for most of them I think most of those limits are self-imposed.

This is all speaking about incels as a broad movement and not the very specific Reddit-style incel who are violently misogynist and obsessed with dividing the world into Chads and Stacys and such. I’m just speaking to the very basic definition of making the fact that your dating life is not going well a major facet of your personality.

I think the reason I assume incels don’t read is because many of them act as though they invented loneliness. If they read more widely they would know that pretty much everyone is lonely at least at some point in their lives, and that even the beautiful people, even the rich people, even the charismatic people have significant troubles trying to find someone who will love them romantically.

And like. In my experience if you read ten novels at random, at least three of them will be by profoundly lonely people. And I think that knowing you are not alone in your loneliness makes it much easier to not fixate on it. So I sort of just think that incels should read a book. Nearly any book will do.

[fujoshiwarrior]

i dont really write posts like these because usually i figure no one cares, and because it's pride month i wanted to keep things mostly controversy free, but every now and then i find myself thinking a lot about specific things about this site's culture

a lot of people attribute the (relative) peace on this site (compared to how it was some 6ish years ago) to the Great Porn Exodus and while i do agree that was a turning point in tumblr culture, i feel like a lot of the mellowing out can be attributed to the fact that people on here literally just grew up. most of us were teens or preteens in 2014-2016, now most of us are early 20s-early 30s

still though, there are some things i've noticed in the way people here act that haven't really changed since then that's kind of...disturbing? for example, there's this pervasive lack of interest in other people's experiences besides your own---if you can't relate it to yourself somehow, it doesn't matter. people will pretend to care about other groups, because that's what a Good Person does, but they won't do any outside reading or research into other cultures, or issues, outside of what's dropped into their lap on tumblr

i remember some time ago when people were discussing the possibility of anne frank being bisexual, someone said that the possibility of her being lgbt made it easier for them to empathize with her. but shouldn't you be able to feel compassion for her anyway, because she was a teenage girl who was hunted down and murdered by a fascist regime in one of the worst atrocities in human history?

i occasionally see this article spread around, and for good reason, i genuinely think everyone on the planet should read it at least once and then maybe a couple dozen more times for good measure. and then every time you remember it, you should drop whatever it is you're doing and read it again. when i see people talk about this, they talk about how this is essentially required reading in understanding trans people. in spite of that, i constantly see people parroting the same exact sentiments the author calls out as bioessentialist and transphobic. this makes me think most of you just reblog the article without reading it because someone told you it was the Good Person thing to do.

i think a lot of the politics on here, and on places like twitter, are predicated on being a Good Person. you want to be a Good Person desperately, and of course being a Good Person means that you care about other people, especially people who aren't like you. so you reblog, you retweet, you share posts about the life experiences of people who aren't like you. this is the most you do. you don't read books, or essays, or articles written by people about their lives and their experiences, you don't look at studies about issues affecting these populations, you don't read literature written by these people.

this sort of thinking results in a menagerie of different behaviors, one of which is something i call "fandom as praxis" which probably deserves its own post at some point. but above all, predicating your beliefs on being a Good Person leaves you wide open to indoctrination, and ultimately, radicalization. this can happen to you literally no matter who you are as long as this is your mentality. the reason why this can happen is because:

there isn't a single person on earth who truly believes they're a bad person or what they believe is wrong. even the most vile of people, whether they be nazis, a terf, otherwise fascist, or any other strain of evil, believe wholeheartedly that they are good people and what they are doing is right. the only people who truly, genuinely believe they are bad people have probably killed themselves.

you don't have any actual understanding or conviction in your beliefs, so you're just going along with what other people have deemed are the beliefs and behaviors of a Good Person. when what determines a Good Person is changed, you change your behavior accordingly.

when put together, you have someone who is especially susceptible to brainwashing.

some time ago, i had a mutual who seemed like she became a terf overnight. it probably wasn't literally overnight, but it was very sudden. this was in spite of the fact that one of her close friends was transfeminine, and that many others in her circle were trans as well, people i assume would consider her a friend and were probably in close and frequent contact with her. i think the reason for this sudden shift is because of both the reasons i listed, in addition to the fact that the person who indoctrinated her was apparently her girlfriend.

i think i should mention that i don't think just anyone can become a nazi or terf; even with the two reasons i listed, what happens usually is that people start spreading harmful beliefs without thinking too hard about what those beliefs actually imply---this happens on tumblr/twitter literally daily---and the people spreading these beliefs are decidedly not reactionary fascists. i think in order to become a True Believer in genocidal fascism of any kind you have to be a very particular kind of evil, but discussing that sort of thing isn't the point, the point is that average, otherwise "good" people can still adopt these beliefs and patterns of thinking without becoming a fullblown fascist.

as i said in the beginning of this post, i wanted to avoid posting something like this during pride because i think we could all really use some moments of levity in times like these, and so i wanted to keep things lighthearted on my blog for the most part.

but i've also had this sitting in my drafts for some time now, and in a time where fascist and reactionary thinking gets more and more inflamed on the daily, i thought it would be appropriate to post this because i think in our fight against fascism, as leftists and marginalized people we shouldn't start thinking that we're immune to this kind of thinking by virtue of being leftist and/or marginalized, and we can't do anyone or anything justice if we refuse to expand our breadth of knowledge.

(please feel free to reblog and comment on this post if you want, or in the tags, i would love to hear what other people have to say on this)

[dzthenerd490]

Tales: The Polar Express

It was 1993 and Iris just sat in her room curled up in her bed. She knew that it was Christmas Eve, but she didn't care, the last thing she wanted was to be around more Foundation staff. Sure, the ones that cared for her greatly outnumbered the ones who enjoyed bullying her but right now she wanted nothing to do with ALL of them. She hoped that those that cared for her would understand her desire to just be left alone. Though her hopes were dashed almost immediately as she heard the door to her room open.

"Go away!" She was desperate for alone time, so she didn't bother being kind to whoever was at the door.

"Iris, what's wrong?" She instantly felt regret as she heard the only voice she enjoyed listening to even now. She quickly got up and turned around to see it was Meri. Iris groaned at her own frustration and just sighed as she looked at Meri.

"Sorry, Meri, I really just want to be alone right now."

"... I, I heard what happened, you should know that jerk got fired today."

"I don't care! not after... It's not what she said, she broke my camera! That was the last thing I had from my parents and she broke it." Meri was shocked by this; she had heard Foundation staff risk their entire careers by insulting anomalies protected by the Anomalous Employment Division. She herself was the victim of quite a few of those insults but never had she heard of something so vile happening before. Meri walked over to Iris and opened her arms for a hug, Iris blushed and tried to look away, but she couldn't resist and hugged Meri.

"Thanks Meri, I do like the hug." Iris then let go of Meri so they could be face to face.

"But I would really rather be alone."

"Oh... I see, but um... if you change your mind, we're having a Christmas sleepover, also it's in celebration of Sigurrós recovery. She's getting healthy and doesn't have to take as much of the drugs anymore. So just this once Ms. Corvio and Harvey are allowing her to have a sleepover with the rest of us on Christmas. Maybe being with everyone will cheer you up? We going to stay up till midnight to open our presents early!" Meri smiled beautifully but Iris was still feeling moody.

"I... I don't know Meri, I think I'll just bring everyone down with my negativity, I'm still pretty mad after all. I don't wanna ruin one of Sigurrós only days where she's out of bed. Besides you know I don't believe in Santa Claus." Meri then let go of Iris but looked down in disappointment, she really wanted Iris to come after all.

"Well, I won't force you, but just know the doors to the lounge will always be open. It's going to be hard to not have fun without you... Merry Christmas Iris." Meri then left the room finally leaving Iris alone. Iris felt bad making Meri sad like that, but she just couldn't bring herself to leave her room right now. She just wanted to be alone and maybe cry in peace with no one around her. Iris laid down on her bed not even bothering to read one of her favorite books like she normally does. She did end up crying a little and surprisingly that was what she needed to fall asleep.

***

The Sound of a train could be heard even within the Foundation Site, it woke Iris almost immediately. She only ever heard such a sound in audio recordings and the occasional cartoons Dr. Zeek and Daniel allowed her to watch. Suddenly it stopped and her door suddenly opened wide which it never would unless someone was trying to enter but no one was. Suddenly she heard a ring of a bell, she looked around but couldn't tell where it was coming from. Then it rang again this time out of her room, she went out of her room and looked around. Again, the ringing happened and was coming from down the hall.

Iris knew this was a bad idea especially to do it this late, but she was curious and also didn't care about making Foundation staff mad right now. She went down the halls and past every door and room she could while following the ringing. At first it sounded like a normal bell but soon as she continued it sounded like a soft jingle of sleigh bells. Finally, Iris made it to the place where Foundation security never let her even get close too. She made it to the exit lobby of the Site, the only entrance in and out of the Site. She looked around; it was quite big, probably to ensure that no matter how big the Foundation would be able to transport anything in and out. Though she noticed on the ceiling for cameras and on the walls were miniguns, electrified net launchers, and missile launchers. Though all the turrets were turned off, and weirdest of all despite Iris being here none of the alarms were going off.

"Iris?" Iris turned around and saw all her friends, Stella, Cidney, Sigurrós, Meri, and even little Abby was there with her necklace that kept them from feeling the effects of her anomaly. Besides that, they were all wearing different colored nightgowns much like Iris was.

"Wha- What are you guys doing here?"

"We could ask you the same question." Sigurrós then stepped forward, Iris couldn't help but smile and actually ran up to her and hugged her, Sigurrós giggled and hugged Iris back.

"Sigurrós! Meri told me you were recovering but I still couldn't believe it!" Iris then backed off from Sigurrós to get a better look at her; however, suddenly her head felt itchy, so she touched the top of her head to suddenly realize she has cat ears.

"Oh sorry." Sigurrós closed her eyes and raised her hand to Iris and suddenly the cat ears were gone.

"I still have a little time to go before I'm fully recovered but Dr. Alvik assured me once he's done, I won't ever hurt anyone again." Iris smiled; she didn't know if there was anyone more scared of Sigurrós powers than her. She was happy for Sigurrós to finally be getting some control over the dangerous powers that forced her into a coma for almost her entire childhood. Then suddenly everyone heard the bell again, that soft and lovely jingle clearly coming out from outside the Site despite the doors being locked shut.

"Is that Santa?!" Abby walked over to Iris and hugged her out of excitement, Iris smiled and gently patted her head. She soon felt guilt as Meri was right about her feeling better if she hung out with her friends. Soon Cidney inched forward of the group so that everyone could see her and said, "What should we do?" is ASL. Thanks to the AED she recently received modifications to make her augmentations easier to manage and her hands not so blade like anymore.

"Should we not go back to our rooms? It's already a bad idea to be here." Stella, who was clinging to Meri, agreed and nodded her head furiously to show it. Iris knew it as well, but her rebellious spirit was already on the rise, so she huffed and walked forward toward the door. Cidney quickly grabbed her and as soon as Iris turned around, she said "Iris! What if it's a trap from one of those bad groups or maybe a bad SCP! I heard there were lots of bad SCP's that look like Santa!" in ASL. Iris sighed, she couldn't deny the possibility that it was an evil anomaly or perhaps the Black Queen's Insurgency finally coming to finish her off. However, as they all heard the jingling of bells again Iris smiled and looked back at all of her friends with determination.

"I'm not afraid, you all should go back to sleep but me, I'm going."

"Iris!" Meri called out to her, but Iris didn't listen, instead she just kept going to the entrance of the lobby. Iris looked around and saw a button on the side of the walls saying emergency open. She ran over to it and pressed it. The hatch doors started opening and from it the cold air blew in but for whatever reason it wasn't too cold. Maybe it was because they were in a desert but still something about it felt odd. But still Iris left the Site and wandered outside without fear, though it was mainly because she was overtaken by wonder. She had never been outside before, so this was a new experience for her, even if it was a little mundane.

Meri was watching Iris with great concern and fear, hoping she would eventually come to her senses and come back. However, the opposite ended up happening as Abby went running after Iris and so did Cidney. Meri tried to call out for them, but Sigurrós grabbed her hand and pulled Meri so that she and Stella would follow the others.

"Come on now, it's not like there's anything out there strong enough to hurt us." Meri was shocked by Sigurrós recklessness but just sighed as she did kind of agree with her. Meri then started walking alongside the rest of them without resistance. Stella still wanted to go back but she continued to cling to Meri out of fear and because she couldn't see. Though as soon as they continued outward they heard someone shouting, "all aboard!"

"What the heck?!" Everyone turned to Iris and were shocked to see her staring at a train that was right in front of the Foundation Site. How this was possible none of them knew, nor did they know why it was here of all times and places. Iris continues closer to the train only to suddenly get confronted by the Conductor.

"All Abo- oh! Ah! There you are! Iris Thompson! What were you trying to pull? Fashionably late? On Christmas Eve of all nights?"

"No I was... wait. you. know me?"

"Uh... Of course! This is you correct?" The Conductor showed her a clipboard showing a list of all the passengers. Sure, enough when Iris looked at it her name was on the list, in fact all of their names were on the list. Soon Meri, Sigurrós, and the others caught up to Iris and were shocked to see their names as all.

"Ah! Good, you're all here! Now then girls, are you all ready to go?"

"Go? Go where?"

"Why, to the North Pole of course! This is the Polar Express!" Iris and the others looked at one another in confusion. They had heard and experienced weird stuff before, but this really took the cake on the weirdest, at least for now.

"Hm, now normally we don't make stops at the uh... SCP Foundation? Am I saying that correct?" Iris nodded so the conduction continued.

"Well, the higher management considered that after years of allowing them to feel nothing but fear for this time of year, that a change was needed. Most certainly with the younger generation. Besides, this seems like a crucial year for all of you, as I'm sure you're aware some of you don't even celebrate Christmas." The Conductor looked at all of them when he said this, but his gaze fell to Iris as he seemingly appreciated that last part. Iris lowered her gaze, she felt she was justified for not wanting to celebrate Christmas but right now the Conductor was making her feel bad.

"Come now girls, the time to go is now as we are-" The Conductor then pulled out his pocket watch to check the time.

"Oof! On a tight schedule! So, the time to decide is now!" Meri and Sigurrós looked at each other in confusion, not sure if this was a trap or not. Cidney was holding on to Iris now out of fear, having a very bad feeling about all of this. However, like before Iris took the initiative and stepped onto the train. Meri sighed but she knew protesting wouldn't get through to Iris right now, so she quickly followed. Cidney was shocked by this and even more shocked when Sigurrós escorted Stella and Abby onto the train as well. Cidney stood there panicking in fear not sure what to do, she then looked to the Conductor who was still there.

"The Polar Express is under no jurisdiction to force you to come. However, it would be such a shame for your friends to meet Santa without you." Cidney was still scared but she didn't want to be alone, so she nodded. The Conductor then extended a hand and helped her as she got up onto the train.

"Alright girls, right this way." The Conductor opened the door for them and inside was a comfortable looking passenger cart. Though that's not what surprised any of them it was the fact that inside the cart were lots of other kids. The kids were all singing and laughing around though some of them noticed the girls leaving the air awkward. Though it wasn't hard to see the reason why, Stella had black eyes, Cidney was part cyborg, and Mira had deer horns and legs. The only ones who looked normal were Sigurrós, Iris, and Abby, ironic considering they had the most elaborate anomalous properties. Thankfully the silence was broken when one of the younger boys looked over his seat and spoke.

"... are you guys' superheroes?" Iris chuckled at that but didn't answer and instead went to get a seat, she grabbed Meri's hand so that they would sit together. Abby noticed this and grabbed Stella's hand so that they could sit together and Sigurrós did the same for Cidney to help her calm down. The six of them made sure to keep sitting close to each other but also in the back as they didn't know anyone in the front. Suddenly a little girl walked up to where Meri was sitting and stared at her for a little while to which Meri looked at her in confusion.

"Uh... Yes?"

"... You're very pretty, are you an angel?" Iris snorted though she did have a similar opinion about Meri.

"Ah... ahem, no I'm not, why do you ask?"

"Hm... I don't know, my mommy says angels are pretty girls with bird wings, but you don't have bird wings, you have deer horns and legs. but deers and birds are both animals and you're pretty, so I thought that maybe you were from a different kind of angle."

"Oh, she is actually." Meri looked at Iris confused while the little girl's eyes sparkled.

"Really?!"

"Yup! You know how normal angles make lights with their halos and stuff. She can make flowers grow." Meri looked at Iris with disappointment but then looked at the little girl who was looking at her with eyes full of wonder. Meri didn't want to disappoint the little girl, so she sighed and held out her hands in front of her. Thanks to the anomalous device within her rosary she was able to control her powers to the point that she could even make flowers grow from anywhere without damaging anything. As such it was no effort for her to grow a single flower within the palms of her hands. The girl was speechless at the sight as her eyes widened with amazement. Meri actually smiled and decided to let the girl keep the flower, the girl did and put it on her hair. The girl giggled and thanked Meri, then ran back to her seat while showing the other kids.

"Ha, and you say my power is cool."

"Your power is wonderful Iris; you just don't give yourself enough credit." Iris blushed as she looked down in embarrassment. Suddenly Meri leaned forward but it was because someone was grabbing her horns.

"Ow! Hey!"

"Woah so they are real."

"Please let me go!"

"Or what, deer? You know men like me hunt you in the forest and eat you right?" Iris got on her seat and punched the boy in the shoulder making him let go of Meri.

"Meri, are you okay?"

"Ah, yeah, he was so rude."

"Hey!" The boy then got off the seat in front of them and faced them from the side.

"What's your problem! I was just trying to see if they were fake or not."

"You were hurting her!"

"So what? She's a freak, stop being such a drama queen!" The boy tried to walk away but Iris got out of her seat and stopped him.

"Hey, apologize to her!"

"Iris stop!"

"No, not until he apologizes."

"Go back to your seat, drama queen!"

"You don't get to tell me what to do!" Iris then pushed the boy which grabbed the attention of all the other kids. They started watching intently at the incoming fight, Meri facepalmed, Cidney covered her face in fear, Abby watched thinking Iris could win easily, and Stella had no idea what was going on. The boy blushed at the idea of being pushed by a girl of all things and felt like he had to act tough with everyone watching him, so he raised his fists despite shaking in fear.

"You know what, my dad always says to my mom that girls need to learn their place!" He threw a fist at Iris, but she easily dodged and punched him back. He held his nose in pain, but he just glared at Iris with even more anger.

"You! Girls aren't supposed to know how to fight!" He threw another punch only for Iris to dodge again and hit him in the stomach. Now the kids were cheering her on, which only angered the boy more, so he tried to throw another punch but suddenly he was frozen into place. Suddenly he was pushed back by an invisible force, Iris was just as shocked as everyone else by this, or at least she was until Sigurrós showed up.

"Ah, freaks! They're all freaks!" Soon all of the kids looked at Iris and Sigurrós, making Iris scared but Sigurrós disappointed. Sigurrós didn't want to hurt people but what mattered to her most was keeping her friends safe. However, her worries were dashed away when all of the kids started cheering both to their and the boy's shock.

"I knew they were superheroes!"

"Some of them are angels too!" As some of the kids continued to praise Iris and Sigurrós, the boy started crying and hid in one of the front chairs. Some of the older kids walked up to Sigurrós and Iris to compliment them directly.

"You guys are awesome!"

"Thanks by the way, that kid was Brandon and he's a massive jerk."

"I know right, why is he even on this train? He doesn't deserve to see Santa."

"How did you guys do that? You were fighting like a ninja but you! You made him move with your mind! Like a real superhero!"

"Was it magic? Can you teach us magic!"

"Ahem! Tickets! Tickets please!" The Conductor was back and quickly everyone got back into their seats. Iris got back into hers in a rush only to be confronted by a very disappointed looking Meri glaring at her with arms crossed.

"What?"

"Iris, I appreciate you sticking up for me, but sometimes it better to just let things go rather than starting violence." Iris pouted but looked down in embarrassment, though she really should have seen that coming. Meri was the most responsible of them all and was a well-known pacifist, so she hated violence especially unnecessary violence. However, they both looked up to the Conductor who was standing beside their seat.

"Tickets?"

"We don't have tickets."

"Come now, check your pockets." Iris and Meri looked at one another but did as the Conductor asked. Surprisingly Meri found a ticket in the pocket of her nightgown and Iris found one for her in her pajama pants. The Conductor took their tickets and started using his puncher to imprint letters on them and quickly gave them back. They both looked at their tickets with Meri's having the letters F and H and Iris's having the letters H and P. Both looked at one another in confusion and then to the conductor.

"Uh what does this mean?"

"It means you are now official passengers of the Polar Express."

"No, I mean-"

"Next! Who's next?" Iris just sighed in annoyance while Meri just shrugged.

"It must be some kind of processing code."

"I guess." Iris then looked out the window and saw that they were going through different towns and places. Iris was quickly wide-eyed at all of the stores and other buildings, but also the beautiful snow that fell from the sky. She had never seen so much of the outside world before; it was for that reason alone that she didn't regret getting onto this train.

Iris looked over to Abby who was describing everything she saw out the window to Stella who was listening with excitement. Cidney was also excited by having small glimpses of the outside world, making Sigurrós giggle at how cute she was being about all of it. Iris only felt more and more justified for getting onto the train, Meri noticed this and rolled her eyes. Though after she turned her gaze from Iris she smiled as she secretly was glad, they were here too.

Suddenly the train stopped leaving everyone confused. Iris looked out the window and saw they were in a place with lots of large buildings that looked worn down and had lots of graffiti on them. The Conductor got off the train and shouted "all aboard!" to the nearest building. After a short while a little boy came out of the building looking very tense and scared. He didn't have hair, had dark skin, and was wearing worn pajamas. He walked up to the Conductor, and it seemed they were having a similar conversation to what Iris had with him earlier. However, the boy backed up seeming not wanting to come so the Conductor simply said, "Suit yourself!" and got back on the train.

The train then slowly started back up, leaving the boy behind, though as it passed, he noticed Iris who was still looking out the window. Iris noticed him looking at her and waved at him to get on the train quickly. He tried to turn around and forget about it but in the end, he gave in and ran for the train. Iris quickly started cheering him on getting the attention of the other kids who were doing the same. The boy was shocked to see so many cheering him on, he never had that before so he was determined to run as fast as he could. However, he ended up falling on the road making him lose any chance of the train. Or at least that would have happened if he didn't start floating in the air.

Iris was shocked by the sight but then turned around to see Sigurrós raising her hand. She was helping the boy float in the air and fly right towards the nearest steps onto the train. Everyone was in awe at the sight and cheered as he was slowly getting closer to the train. Once he got on the steps, he was confused but got on and entered their cart where he was overwhelmed with kids walking up to him with excitement.

"That was awesome!"

"How did you do that?"

"Are you a superhero too?"

"Uh... no... Superhero?"

"Yeah, like them!" One of the younger kids pointed at Iris and Meri, both of which looked at the boy. The boy blushed at the sight of them but then looked at Sigurrós and Cidney and was shocked by her appearance. Then finally his gaze went to Stella and Abby, Stella was once again confused on what was going on, so Abby whispered into her ear what was happening. He was so confused on why Stella, Cidney, and Mira looked so different from everyone else but before he could ponder anymore Brandon pushed past the crowd and glared at the boy.

"Hey, get off the train."

"Leave him alone Brandon!" Brandon looked at the little girl speaking to him and pushed her away, scaring the boy.

"I said get off the train, your kind doesn't belong here." Before things could escalate Iris got in-between Brandon and the boy.

"Want me to beat you up again?" Brandon looked scared now, but he tried to keep up his cool appearance. Though that fell apart quickly when one of the older kids stood beside Iris and faced Brandon.

"You don't get to decide who stays on the train, you wanna mess with them, you'll have to go through me." Soon other kids started joining Iris's side in defending the boy.

"And me!"

"Me too!"

"Yeah, back off Brandon!" Soon all the other kids joined in on jeering Brandon which made him start tearing up. Iris noticed this and actually kinda felt bad.

"Fine! Then I guess your all just a bunch of filthy freaks!" Then her guilt faded as he ran back to his seat while insulting everyone. Everyone started cheering again and were complementing one another at how brave they were. Iris smiled at this but then looked back to the boy and extended her hand to him.

"Hi. I'm Iris, what's your name?"

"... Ethan... I don't wanna fight."

"Hm? Why would I fight you? You're not another jerk, are you?"

"No... I just... I don't wanna fight... "

"Hm, well don't worry Ethan, I won't hurt you."

"... Thank you." Ethan finally took her hand and shook on it; Iris smiled at him and led him back to her and Meri's seat. However, Iris quickly realized they would be cramped if he sat with them.

"Hm... oh! Why don't you sit in front of us!"

"I don't mind that." Meri smiled at Ethan, making him blush again. He couldn't say anything out of embarrassment, so he just nodded and sat in the seat in front of them. Since Ethan was sitting alone, he sat up and turned around to face Meri and Iris.

"Nice to meet you Ethan, I am Meri Clef."

"Hi... are... are you an alien?" Meri and Iris looked at one another in confusion but then quickly started laughing in joy.

"No. Not at all."

"Okay... sorry... " Ethan then slumped back to his seat in embarrassment to which Iris and Meri giggled joyfully.

"He's cute, isn't he?" Iris nodded but then felt a little bit of jealousy hearing Meri say that about someone else. Though she shook her head as she knew it was petty to feel jealousy especially towards Ethan who she just met. Meri noticed Iris blushing in embarrassment and smirked.

"Though, he's not the one who's in my heart."

"Really?" Iris jolted back to facing Meri but realized her and Meri's face were too close together and quickly backed off while blushing in embarrassment.

"Ahem, good to know." Meri giggled and blushed at Iris's cute embarrassment. Though quickly the Conductor entered their Cart again and went for the train's telephone.

"Ahem! Your attention please, are there any Polar Express Passengers in need of refreshments?" Soon all the other kids raised their hands; Stella, Abby, and Sigurrós raised their hands as well and finally so did Iris.

"I thought so." The Conductor then opened the door and suddenly a bunch of waiters that all looked exactly the same, came tap dancing into the cart. Some of them even shifted the seats around to make some kids face one another. Then along with the Conductor they started singing the Hot Chocolate song. The waiters and the chiefs were dancing and jumping around with great reflex and coordination. The waiters even displayed anomalous abilities, being able to make their clothes float in front of the kids as if they were on tables. With amazing precision, the chefs were able to spray the hot chocolate into large cups for the kids to enjoy.

Iris watched them dance while preparing the rest of the hot chocolate with a smile on her face. Never had she seen adults try so hard to entertain children and make them smile, she wished the Foundation was at least half as great as these guys. Once they were done serving the hot chocolate they took the plates, the cloth, and danced away while setting the seats back in place as if they never moved to begin with. Once they were done Iris and Meri looked at one another and saw that they had chocolate mustaches from drinking the hot chocolate. They both giggled joyfully at the silly sight of one another but also hiccupped because of how good the chocolate tasted.

"Ahhh... Still think it was a bad idea to get on the train?"

"No, but I still think it was reckless of you to just get on without knowing how dangerous it could be." Meri smiled at Iris with a hit of mature superiority in her eyes, Iris pouted at her and rolled her eyes afterwards. Meri then giggled though she did actually mean what she said, but she knew that Iris knew that, so she said nothing else.

Cidney noticed Iris and Meri together and smiled, especially since Iris was doing better, she heard what happened earlier today after all. Cidney then heard slurping behind her and saw Sigurrós still drinking hot chocolate. Sigurrós was drinking from it and then using her power to refill the bowl with new hot chocolate allowing her to drink even more. However, upon Sigurrós trying to drink the hot chocolate a fourth time Cidney placed her hand on the bowl to stop her. Sigurrós turned to Cidney who glared at her with disappointment and said in ASL "too much chocolate is bad for you!" Sigurrós smiled at her and with a wave of her hand the bowl disappeared.

"Hey! Aren't you going to have your chocolate." Sigurrós and Cidney as well as the other girls noticed a fat kid talking to Ethan who was still holding a cup of hot chocolate.

"... I... I didn't pay for it..."

"Hm? I don't think that matters. They served it to us, and we all drank some. Nothing happened so why worry?"

"My dad... he says... nothing in this world is free."

"hm... well if you're not going to take it then can I have it?" Ethan looked at the kid but handed him the bowl. The kid thanked him and went back to his seat to drink in peace. Meri went over her seat and looked down on Ethan who still seemed to be afraid of something. She reached down to gently touch his shoulder.

"Ethan?" Ethan jolted up in fear, which also spooked Meri as well.

"Sorry! Sorry... I just wanted to know if you were, okay?"

"... I'm okay... I just... do you think we're really going to the north pole... to meet Santa?"

"... I'm not really sure about that last part, but... I think we'll be okay as long as we stick together."

"You really think we'll be, okay?"

"Of course, Ethan!" Iris stood up and leaned on Ethan's seat right beside Meri.

"We may not look it but we're all really strong, me, Meri, Sigurrós, Abby, Cidney, and Stella. We all may not be strong, but we can do cool things especially when we're together. So don't worry, if something goes wrong, we'll protect you!"

"... but who will protect you?" Iris stopped smiling after she heard Ethan say that she then slumped back into her chair. That was true, she was destined to become another soldier in MTF Alpha-9 of the Foundation. A protector of those that don't see her as fully human, sure some people are nice to her, but they are a minority in the Foundation. No one was going to protect her, but she was going to be expected to protect everyone, even after... No, she didn't want to think about that right now. Though what she couldn't deny was that there was seemingly no hope for her future.

"Iris? What's wrong?" Iris then looked to Meri with sad and gloomy eyes.

"We're going to have to go back to the Foundation once this is over, right?"

"... I would assume yes." Iris then curled up and faced the window with clear depression on her face.

"Then I hope this train ride never stops." Meri was now filled with sadness knowing that Iris was depressed again. So, Meri stopped talking as well and just sat while remaining silent. Ethan looked over his seat and saw how drained of hope both Meri and Iris were. He then looked over to Cidney who noticed this as well, when she saw Ethan she said, "It's not your fault, they've both been through a lot". Ethan then nodded and said in ASL "I think it's something I said though." Cidney looked down for a moment but then said, "it's not your fault, you just met, mistakes are bound to happen". Ethan looked at Cidney for a moment and then said, "Mistakes get people hurt." before turning back to the widow of his seat.

Cidney wasn't sure what Ethan meant by that but as he turned away there was nothing left for her to say anyways so she just left it at that. However, Ethan then noticed that something was in his pocket that wasn't supposed to be there. He pulled it out to see an expensive looking ticket, he was so shocked that he didn't even bother reading it was a polar express ticket. He looked around in fear thinking someone was going to accuse him of stealing it. So he quickly threw it out the window, he then sighed in relief as now there was no evidence of him stealing anything.

"Ahem, your ticket sir?" The Conductor then showed up to Ethan's seat scaring Ethan to the point that he didn't even hear him.

"Sir? Your ticket please?"

"I... I don't have a ticket..."

"Come now try your pockets."

"There's nothing in my pockets."

"Come now... TRY." Ethan then reached into his pockets and pulled out the ends showing the Conductor that they were empty.

"Hm? Now that can't be right, there should be a ticket here somewhere." Suddenly Ethan's ticket flew out of one of the vents and flew close to Brandon. Brandon saw the ticket and took it, Ethan saw this but also saw Brandon mouth to him "my ticket!" Ethan assumed he was telling the truth and nodded, then he faced the Conductor again.

"Yes Sir, I didn't pay for a ticket, so I don't have one. I swear." The Conductor then raised his eyebrow at Ethan.

"Hm, very well. In that case, young man, you will just have to come with me."

"Hey no he doesn't!" One of the other kids stood up and faced the Conductor.

"His ticket was stolen from him by Brandon!"

"It's true! I saw it as well!" The Conductor looked at Brandon who tried to hide in his seat, he then turned back to Ethan.

"Is that true? Did that young man steal your ticket."

"... No! I swear I don't have a ticket!" The Conductor seemed disappointed and so did the other kids as they were confused as to why Ethan was defending Brandon of all people.

"Very well then, please come with me." Ethan nodded and followed the Conductor to the Cart behind them. Iris noticed him and grabbed Ethan's hand to stop him.

"Ethan?! What are you doing? Why are you letting Brandon steal your ticket."

"He didn't steal it, he told me it was his."

"He's lying! Why are you letting him take advantage of you?"

"... I'm not really good for anything else." Iris was shocked to hear this as it shot right through her heart.

"Thank you, Iris... for being nice to me but... I'm really no good... And I don't deserve anything..." Ethan then gently pulled Iris's hand off of him and followed the Conductor as the two left the Cart. Iris looked at her hand as tears fell from her eyes, what Ethan said filled her with sadness as it's how she felt for most of her time within the Foundation. She hated being miserable and she hated how Daniel, Dr. Zeek, Meri and Sigurrós were the only ones who actually helped her. But things were worse for Ethan, he didn't have anyone and thought he didn't even deserve the simplest things in life. She couldn't stand for it, so she stood up and wiped her tears away as she walked over to Brandon. Out of fear he quickly surrendered the ticket, so she took it and walked over to the cart door where the Conductor and Ethan disappeared.

"Iris?! What are you doing?" Sigurrós, Meri, Cidney, Stella and Abby

"I'm going to help Ethan!"

"Why? Iris he's a normie, you hate normies!"

"I don't... ugh... look I hate my life in the Foundation okay, I know complaining isn't going to make things better but that doesn't deny the fact that I hate it! I've suffered a lot because of the Foundation... possibly more than you all can understand." Iris looked to the ground seemingly in despair but then Cidney placed her hand on Iris's shoulder. Iris looked up to see Cidney who said in ASL "You're not the only one who remembers the Reset." Iris was shocked to learn about this, she thought she was the only one, but not apparently Cidney remembered too. Sigurrós then nodded her head and so did Meri, finally so did Abby as tears fell from her eyes. Iris started crying and all the girls hugged each other in comfort.

"That's why we wanted you to join us in the sleepover."

"It's also why we followed you onto the train, we don't want to be separated ever again!"

"We want to stick together, for better, for worse, and within the Foundation!" Iris smiled as she hugged the girls tighter than before then they all let go of each other and Iris wiped her tears away.

"Thank you, guys, I'm sorry I haven't always been a good friend."

"That's okay Iris, just know we're all here for you. So, if you wanna save Ethan then let us help you!"

"We wanna help too!" Some of the other kids from the cart showed up and faced the girls.

"We don't know you guys well but your awesome heroes! So please let us help!"

"Yeah, let us help you!"

"We can help!" As the kids continued to show their Sigurrós and Meri smiled at the sight while Cidney was shocked and so was Iris. She actually shed a tear again, Sigurrós wasn't wrong about saying Iris hated normies or non-anomalous people. She couldn't help it as she experienced anything but hatred from them, but these kids right now were showing here there were people who didn't show hate but kindness, even to strangers like her. However, Sigurrós stepped forward to address everyone.

"If you guys really want to help them, please make sure to watch over Brandon so that he doesn't follow us or do something stupid again." Some of the older kids glared at Brandon who hid in his seat again.

"Besides that, please watch over Abby and Stella." Abby and Stella looked at Sigurrós in shock.

"What?! But we wanna help!"

"Come on you guys, you won't be able to help much where we're going." Abby pouted in annoyance, but Stella held her still and nodded to show she understood. Sigurrós then faced Cidney and Meri.

"Maybe you guys should stay as well." Cidney was surprised by this but before she could nod her head, Meri stepped forward.

"If Iris is going to them, I'm going too." Iris blushed upon hearing this but quickly shook her head and tried to hide her lingering embarrassment with a smile of determination. Cidney admired Meri's bravery despite her anomalous abilities not being able to help in their situation. As such Cidney decided to step forward as well meaning there were four of them now.

"Is that everyone? Alright then! Let's go!"

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Part 2

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SCP: HMF Tales Hub

[strixhaven]

You know, if there’s one thing I do miss about early 2010s tumblr and is something that I wish the broader site could have a wider, much more nuanced conversation about, it’s the openness with which people used to discuss self-harm. Early 2010s tumblr was by no means a very healthy outlet or place to talk about issues like mental health, how it manifests, how to cope with it—especially with regards to self-harm—but the shift from a deeply problematic openness and semi-romanticization to quietly adopting the predominant cultural attitude of outright silence, denial, and shame when it comes to self-harm is… more of a lateral move than anything else. For as much absolutely terrible shit that era of tumblr came with, the loss of open discussion about recovery, alternative coping mechanisms, celebrations about stopping, and encouragements that life still goes on even with self-harm as a presence in it is something that I do genuinely wish the site and people more broadly would embrace again.

I completely understand people not wanting to talk about their own experiences, though. Self-harm is often deeply tied to some of the darkest times in a person’s life, and how people navigate and feel about those times and how they relate to it is something that should be completely up to them. But in the few times I’ve seen people on the site actually broach the subject of self-harm, of living with it, of quitting, and of having it as a part of your past, it’s just an immediate barrage of people accusing them of romanticization for merely mentioning self-harm, people asking that they hide their bodies and experiences as something inherently traumatizing for everyone else to acknowledge, and overall making it very clear that this is not a struggle or a part of your life you can ever discuss openly. The readiness with which so many people will make you try to feel shame and disgust about your own body and mental health as a way to vent their own shame, denial, and disgust at themselves is unreal. It’s a whole-hearted embrace of the broader cultural narrative surrounding self-harm and mental health that seeks to keep its most ugly aspects hidden in order to pretend it’s not a problem that has to be dealt with.

Again, I do not begrudge anybody for not wanting to talk about their own experiences with self-harm, but I genuinely think this wide-scale sidelining and refusal to discuss self-harm and tumblr’s relationship with it is just as much of a problem. It is a deeply isolating and incredibly disheartening thing to have gone through, to know others have gone through, and to know that it’s something you’re likely never going to be able to bring up to other people. The greatest comfort I’ve found and the ability to make peace with my history of self-harm and scars has come from hearing other people just acknowledging their relationship to it and refusing to be shamed for what they endured, how they coped, and what they felt like they had to do to stay alive.

With the more nuanced, open discussions of the “uglier” and less-acknowledged aspects of mental health slowly becoming more common and more mainstream, the absence of self-harm from these conversations only becomes more and more noticeable, and I sincerely hope that the void it’s left is filled with the care and attention this topic deserves. With how on the rise self-harm and suicidality are amongst teens and young adults, as people who’ve lived through and with self-harm as a presence in our lives, I feel like it’s incumbent upon us to be more open and available to discuss these things so nobody else has to deal with the pain that comes from silence and shame about it.

[deedeli-liveblog]

RWBY ReWatch Volume 4: let’s slow it down now

I’ve rewatched Volumes 1-3 multiple times (though it’s been a long time), either by myself, showing it to a family member, or watching a reaction video of it. I have watched Volume 4 precisely 2 times. Once in the original liveblog, once again with either Jay or my mom. And since it’s been so long, this’ll prob feel like a whole new watch for me.

That being said, I remember this part being a lot slower story wise than the first 3 Volumes, so I’m not sure if I’ll have all too much to say about it.

Ugh, RoosterTeeth moving RWBY onto their own site wouldn’t bother me if they would at least put the character shorts in the playlist with the show. I know they aren’t necessary to watch, but you put effort into them, you’d think you’d make it easy for people to find.

i know i’ve got it bad when just seeing tyrian brings a smile to my face

aklhsdkhafjds, Emerald pushing Mercury out of the way so SHE can stand next to Cinder.

okay, wait i lied, I have rewatched the fight between Qrow and Tyrian. multiple times. because i love it. but I think that’s the only thing in Volume 4 I’ve seen more than twice.

Oh that’s right! Oscar’s introduced in this volume.

I really like the song for the Volume 4 op, Let’s Just Live, it’s actually one of my favorites from the soundtrack. But the visuals are a little... lacking. Some parts even look a little goofy when it’s trying to be serious.

I didn’t forget Ren’s history with his village being destroyed by Grimm, but I didn’t remember how... quickly his anxiety over it seems to crop up when in a similar situation. The second they step into Shion he gets way more curt and... passive-aggressive, we’ll say. That actually adds a lot more context to how he acts in Volume 8 too. It’s pretty similar.

Jacque has a single framed photo on his desk and it’s of Whitley and Whitley alone.

With as jumpy and paranoid as Blake was, how did she not notice the guy in a full body cloak tailing her.

Sun’s so funny, I forgot how good he is this volume.

It’s kind of funny seeing Sun complain about Menagerie being cramped while walking on a wide open street, with like, 10 extra people on it, lol. He doesn’t even bump shoulders with anyone.

I still think Corsac and Fennec have really cute designs.

This Life is Mine is also one of my favorite songs on the soundtrack. Having said that, I realized that I actually haven’t listened to the soundtrack since Volume 4. I should get on that soon.

“If they’re so arrogant that they think they can get by without proper kingdom defenses, then I say good riddance!” I wonder how this lady is feeling when the Grimm start attacking her home turf.

yessss, Tyrian is finally here!! this next bit will be me gushing about tyrian

the way he grabs onto Jaune’s shield is sooo funny, but also Jaune has some good upper body strength to be able to hold a full grown man in the air with one arm

and then he just crashes through the wall for absolutely no reason other than the drama

Oh, hey! I forgot Tyrian said he had a slight interest in Jaune. We haven’t seen why that is yet. He glances down at Jaune’s shield when he says it, so perhaps it has more to do with Jaune’s family legacy than Jaune himself.

The way he says “Surprise!”. Tyrian’s voice actor is so great, his character wouldn’t be the same without him.

SO funny how everyone just stands there when Ruby is about to be poisoned by Tyrian, fdakjhdsa. I know the intention is probably that none of them would’ve made it in time, but no one even moves to try either. Jaune is the biggest offender, he just stands there and closes his eyes, lol.

Tyrian isn’t even surprised when Qrow shows up, he just giggles a little akhlakfdhsjha

Qrow just fucking punching Tyrian in the face remains one of the funniest things to happen in RWBY.

And also Tyrian shouting “You BITCH!” at Ruby, lmfaoooo. How dare she dismember him, he was only trying to kill all her friends and family and then kidnap and torture her to death! Such a bitchy response.

I think it’s a good thing I decided to rewatch the show. I remember a lot of the broader information, but a lot of the details I’ve forgotten. Like each of the relics representing knowledge, creation, choice, and destruction.

Oh my god, Ilia! I can’t believe I forgot about Ilia

I can’t remember if Oscar ever said if he told his Aunt he was leaving or if he just ran away from home.

damn oscar, not even gonna say thank you? where are your manners

hhhhh baby ren is so cute

the violin cover of boop playing in the background while baby ren hands baby nora the hammer actually made me start crying

“I’ve got you here, don’t I?” please, i’m still crying

Thinking about the Nukalooka, and if the characters faced off against anything else just as creepy, and then I remembered the fucking Apathy and good god, I am not looking forward to that again.

Tyrian just wants his master to love him, he’s like a little puppy. A completely psychotic little puppy.

Maybe Weiss shouldn’t have worn the loudest shoes in existence while she was trying to sneak out.

“You’ve never trusted anyone but yourself.” “And for good reason!” Good god, Ironwood.

I was actually pretty supportive of Ironwood during this part of the series and I think a large part of that was his actions being framed in opposition to Jacques’. Clearly, if Jacques didn’t like it-- since he is a completely self centered prick-- then it was a good thing to happen. Ironwood had always been extreme, but he ultimately seemed to have his heart in the right place, so his actions weren’t that bad. Now with the context of Ironwood’s downward spiral, it’s all too obvious how fucked in the head he was.

But that’s the great part about rewatching all of this. In hindsight, it’s all so obvious. But just like all the other characters around Ironwood, those who know and support him, it’s hard to see the cracks in the moment.

Soooo, we didn’t see Klein at all since Volume 4 iirc (and I probably don’t), and I can’t remember if it was said why since they’ve been back to Schnee manor a few times since.

I like that the little :3 is still left in the captions while Blake is talking to Sun.

Not quite as much to say for Volume 4, which is what I figured would happen. A good portion of the volume is just quiet character moments and then set up for the next volume. A lot of self explanatory stuff. Still enjoyable, but undeniably slower than what we’re used to with RWBY.

tyrian was the undisputed best part of this volume tho akjhdsklahsd

Anyway, to Volume 5!

[radbutsupersupersad]

Top 5 Tips to Decorate Sofa for Home Improvement

The sofa decoration has a very obvious effect on the decoration of the living room so that it would be strange if there is no sofa in the living room. But just decorating the visit site here sofa with a few sofa covers in the living room is far from enough. Next, the editor will introduce to you the techniques of decorating the sofa.

Small decoration to improve

Sofa decoration has a very close relationship with the atmosphere, style, and taste of the living room. As the most eye-catching furniture in the living room, it should be unified with the color style of the ceiling, doors, windows, walls, and ground to achieve a coordinated effect. We may not have a brain when buying a sofa. I thought about it and bought it back, but after I bought it, I found that it didn’t fit well with the environment at home. I wanted to throw it away but I couldn’t bear it. If I put it there and looked at it, I found it annoying. What should I do?

Second, the sofa blanket changes the sofa effect

The first thing we know about sofa decoration is the sofa blanket. The sofa blanket has a wide range of styles and wide selection. The sofa is worn out for a long time. The sofa blanket can increase the service life of the sofa. And the sofa blanket has a large area. If you don’t like the sofa The style and fabric sofa blanket can also help you cover it well. The easiest way to decorate the sofa is the sofa blanket. It is dustproof, anti-wear, and has a beautifying effect.

Three, the effect of embellishment of pillow

In addition to the guarantee of the sofa blanket color is another way for you to decorate the sofa. Because the sofa is a large object, it is too wasteful to replace it, so you have to think of some coup to improve it. Colorful pillows are not many choices. The sofas of some friends’ homes are single in color and dull. The whole space does not seem to be alive. If you put a few colorful pillows at this time, the effect of the living room will definitely improve immediately, and the pillows are cheap and you don’t need to spend much time. Can easily improve the living room environment.

Fourth, the side help of sofa wall decoration painting

In addition to these decorative paintings that can decorate the sofa from the side angle, our sofa wall decoration paintings. The wall of many family sofas looks monotonous, and the white walls have no decorations, so the sofas look monotonous. Now many designs Everyone started to place some oil paintings or decorative paintings on the sofa wall. This dependence can really enhance the effect of the entire space. The sofa has also been beautified from the side. The editor suggests that if you think the sofa looks monotonous or the wall looks like It is too monotonous to buy a few decorative paintings.

Five, small decorations can easily change the effect of the sofa

Different types and styles of sofas should be equipped with different coffee tables, so the coffee table can also be used to decorate the sofa. If your sofa selection fails, a good coffee table can also add points to the sofa decoration from the color. These are some small decorations means because the sofa is an independent individual, it is very difficult for you to manipulate the finished sofa, so we can only decorate it from the side or some small decorations.

Many home sofas are worn out and reluctant to replace them. After all, one thing still has feelings after getting along for a long time, but putting it there will affect the effect of the whole home space, but don’t be afraid, you can use what I teach you at this time. In this way, you can easily get the skills of sofa decoration to give the living room agility again, embellish the sofa, make your living room more beautiful and coordinated, and pleasing to the eye.