#the pandemic Christmas was the best Christmas I ever had

[idsb]

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[verlovestaylor13]

Dear Reader...

Hi @taylorswift and @taylornation. The twins are back to give you The Story of Us ... updated 2023 edition❤️✨

What a journey these 16 years have been with you. You don’t know me, but hi my name’s Veronica! I’m 28 (turning 29 on 8/11!) and my IDENTICAL twin Victoria (@viclovestaylor13) and I have loved you for years. Your music has quite literally been the soundtrack of our lives.

Vic and I haven’t had the easiest past, to sum it up. We wouldn’t be the people we are today If it wasn’t for your love, strength, music and radiating happiness. Although you don’t know it, we’ve grown up together and experienced impressive milestones with you being a constant along the way. I’m not good at this whole tumblr thing, let alone getting you to see my post amidst the millions I’m sure you’re exposed to. But hey, we can’t ever give up hope! So that’s what I’m doing, here’s to never giving up. And here’s to always hoping that my twin sister and I will one day have the chance to tell you EVERYTHING and most importantly, thank you for everything that you’ve truly done for us. Fun fact is that we’re from Rhode Island so all of our experiences at your tours have been at our favorite place….GILLETTE STADIUM!!!

✨✨Okay lets start from the first tour we were able to attend! As you scroll down you’ll see us through the years until we reach 2023 at the bottom ❤️

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🌈🌈🌈☂️Speak Now Tour  6/26/11  ✨

This was the first time we saw you!! Trust me when I say we wanted to see you MANY times before this but we were young and had no $$$. This show was a combination birthday and Christmas present.

Seeing you live for the first time changed us, to say it was magical is a complete understatement.

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🌹Red Tour 7/26/13 & 7/27/13  ✨

These shows were OF COURSE at Gillette Stadium! Vic and I saved up our money so that we could be at BOTH nights!! After the speak now tour we knew we never wanted to miss a single night. We picked up extra shifts at work and didn’t splurge on anything so that we could be there, buy merch and have the time of our lives. It was incredible and yes it did rain. We happily danced in ponchos.

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🎀1989 World Tour 7/24/15 & 7/25/15✨

Of course my sister Vic and I once again picked up extra shifts at work, ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and saved our money to be at both nights! I can still picture those nights as if it was yesterday…it’s crazy how much fun we had. This was during a tough year and having your shows to look forward to really helped us more than you could ever know.

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🐍REPUTATION TOUR 7/26/18, 7/27/18 & 7/28/18✨

As it has been with all your prior tours, my sister Vic and I saved up our money and gave up on certain things to afford to be there for ALL THREE (3) NIGHTS!! This time we were able to save enough money to afford our outfits! We dressed up and made friends with Gillette staff because of it!!! See the pics below 😇 The rep tour forever lives in our hearts and we’re constantly watching videos and crying lol.

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Lover Fest 🌈🌻💐🌸

Vic and I spent over TWELVE (12!!) hours to get tickets for lover fest east! Luckily between using our phones at work and carrying portable chargers, we secured dates to BOTH of the shows at gillette!

...March 2020

We know what this month and honestly the whole year brought into the world. Vic and I started as REGISTERED NURSES on March 2, 2020...and the federal shutdown in the United States quickly followed suit. Here we were, 2 brand new nurses working amidst a pandemic with no vaccine at the time and people passing away at an astronomical rate. Significant sacrifices were made this year and with that we know that Lover Fest was canceled. Being FRONTLINE WORKERS, Vic and I thought it was the best decision to cancel lover fest given the critical nature of the world. We were of course extremely sad, but it was the best for everyones safety. You continued to be our guidance while the nature of hospital systems turned into crisis scenarios. There were countless nights of physical as well as emotional breakdowns as we tried to navigate this unfamiliar world of nursing during a global pandemic. It was a long few months that turned into years - and now writing this in 2023 the pandemic is not over, but there is a newfound hope. We even wore the “I’m Feeling 2022″ headband to work our NYE night shift in 2021! That was until it had to be removed to go into covid isolation rooms, but it was still present! I attached the picture below.

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Fast forward to us now... and somehow it’s 2023?!

We have come out stronger than ever and now we are ready for The Eras Tour in our home aka Gillette Stadium!!! Like the tours in the past, we knew we had to be at ALL THREE (3) NIGHTS! We saved up and through all the rough shifts in the hospital, we knew a tour would be in the horizon as a reward. We couldn’t be more excited to be happy, free, confused and NOT lonely with the best people...Taylor Swift fans. 

✨✨✨

 ❤️ The Eras Tour 5/19/23, 5/20/23, 5/21/23 ✨

Let’s do this!!!!!

✨✨✨

Here’s where you can find us having the best days💃🏻

🪩FRIDAY MAY 19: Section A5, row 1, seats 11&12

🌟 SATURDAY MAY 20: Section A9, row 3, seats 3&4

💎SUNDAY MAY 21: Section A12, row 19, seats 7&8

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And then later in 2023...

Vic is getting MARRIED👰❤️ this October!!! I’m hosting her Bridal Shower on July 9th 2023 (I think we all know the significance of that date!) I’m also throwing her a LOVER THEMED BACHELORETTE in August! There will be references to the other eras as well just for fun! Then of course we have lyrics from your songs referenced EVERYWHERE for Vic’s wedding. Beautiful and meaningful lyrics selected to help tell Vic’s love story with Brandon. See the pictures I attached below! 

Also, let us know if you guys  @taylornation​ @taylorswift​ want to come because “...at every table, I’ll save you a seat” 🦋

There’s a standing invite to any and all festivities, always❤️

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It has always been and will always be you, @taylorswift. Thank you for every. single. thing. We owe a lot of our success to you and one day we hope to tell you all about it✨❤️

 Until then, thank you for being you and being a constant all these years. Your Rhode Island twin nurses love you more than can ever be explained. Eternally grateful.

Long live🦋❤️🐱

- Veronica (Twitter: @va13x) & Victoria (Twitter: @viclynn24)

@taylorswift @taylornation

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not walking my dog with my neighbor anymore? 

I (20sNB) graduated from my masters program in 2019 and moved back home with my parents. It was meant to be temporary, but before I could save up enough to move out, the pandemic hit. I ended up living with my parents until late 2022. During that time I was responsible for walking our dog. I ended up meeting and connecting with a handful of other dog owners in the neighborhod and we would walk our dogs together and let them play together at a local dog park.  

One of these dog owners, C (70sF) turned out to live right around the corner from me, so we started walking our dogs together very often. Her dog has always been a bit domineering, and my dog has always been a bit submissive. But for a long time they played together very nicely. They would run and chase each other and play with the toys we brought to the park for them. Sometimes they would play fight, but I could always tell from my dog’s body language that she was having fun, and wasn’t actually feeling threatened or scared. 

Of course, C and I also ended up bonding. She’s a retired kindergarten teacher, and she’s very, very nice and kind, and I would consider her a friend. We now exchange baked goods on holidays and she sends me birthday and christmas cards now that I don’t live down the street from her. And since I moved out, whenever I came to my parents’ house to visit, I would call her up so we could walk the dogs together and catch up. 

However, a few months ago, while my mom was walking our dog at the dog park, a different, even worse behaved dog, attacked and bit her. This attack was bad enough to draw blood, and my mom had to take her to the vet and get her on antibiotics and everything to make sure it didn’t get infected. Plus, the dog we had before this one, got sick and almost died because of a bite from an unvaccinated dog, so this was pretty scary for us. But it ended up being okay. No infections and the wounded healed well. But ever since then, our dog, who previously was very social and good with other dogs (we took her to obedience school as a puppy, so she was socialized very early on) has become much more nervous around other dogs, especially new dogs.

We’re trying really hard to resocialize her, and she’s slowly getting better. She still sometimes growls at new dogs, though. Which brings us back to my neighbor and her dog. Her dog is poorly socialized, and growls and barks at other dogs. I know my neighbor tries her best to fix her dog’s behavioral issues and has even worked with specialized dog trainers to no avail. But I’ve noticed that my dog is much more likely to growl at other dogs when we walk with C and her dog, because C’s dog growls. Not only that, but I’ve noticed that when they play together, my dog doesn’t enjoy it anymore. Now, her body language does read as threatened and afraid when C’s dog play fights (C’s dog is a boxer, which means she loves to play fight.) 

So, I’ve started not calling C when I’m in town. I feel guilty about it because I really like C and avoiding her feels like a shitty thing to do. I feel like I'm basically ghosting her. But I know if I reach out to her, she’ll bring up walking the dogs together. Walking the dogs is the entire basis of our friendship and the only reason we spend time together, so I can hardly tell her I don’t want to do that anymore. 

AITA? I just want to take care of my dog, and right now walking with C is not only causing my dog unnecessary stress, it’s re-enforcing bad habits that I am trying really hard to break.

What are these acronyms?

[veronimouse]

✨my experience with loa (law of assumption)✨

long narrations ahead

when i was younger, i think i was about 5 years old, i used to tell kids my age and everyone i meet one thing about me when asked to introduce myself. i was like “my name’s maddy!! and im a very lucky girl 😄”

they would be like “aww, god must love you so much” and i always say “no, the moon goddess does” (i’ve always been fascinated with stars and moon, or should i say astrology way before i even knew about it. and u cannot tell me that the moon goddess doesn’t really adores me !!)

some just shrug it off and just smiles at me, but some elders would scold me because that’s disrespectful to “god”.

so back to the real deal, since i used to say and believe that im lucky and everything goes my way, everything actually does.

and when i say im lucky, i really am.

i used to join pageants when i was a kid, and everytime, i always won. either it’s minor awards or major ones.

whenever i want to buy something, and i dont have any more money, i would always believe that i will find cash at home or even outside whatever happens, and i actually find some.

one time i had a fever the night before the school trip, and my mom told me to not go because i wasn’t feeling well. i went to sleep fully expecting to be perfectly fine the next morning, and yeah, i indeed woke up perfectly fine and was able to join the trip.

during Christmas, i always always always get the best gifts at school (we used to do random exchange gifts at school). and im also always unexpectedly winning games, even the ones im not good with.

oh, and don’t forget when there are tests and i didn’t study, more specifically in math because im literally just not that good in it, guess what? i still manage to get passing scores. and when i say i don’t study, i really don’t and just use my “gut feeling” when choosing the answers lmao.

those are just some of my experiences as a certified lucky girl.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙* ˚ .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. ˚ *•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

4 years ago, it was the start of pandemic, i got into shifting, manifestation, astrology, and some other stuff. that’s when i found out about loa.

i was like “isn’t this too easy?” because i’ve been doing it my whole life.

i realized that i’ve been doing loa before i even knew about it (2)

you know what’s crazy? whenever i talk about stuff like this to my friends, they look at me like im having psychosis.

it doesn’t really bother me that much. im just like, okay whatever, you do you.

i actually feel a very strong and deep connection between me and the moon goddess ever since i was a kid, and i feel it deep in my soul.

i even talk to them at night whenever i have the time. it’s like you know even if u can’t physically hear or reach them, you know deep inside that they’re listening and are there for you.

this might be the reason why i don’t have much friends my age in real life, but oh well. i really don’t stress over it that much.

and i know that some of u are atleast gonna say “are you sure you’re lucky? or you’re just really smart and good at everything” type of shit.

and to answer that, yes, i do believe that it’s also because of my hardwork and abilities. but it’s also because of the fact that I ALWAYS BELIEVE IN MYSELF. yes, there also times where im having doubts, but my subconscious knows well that those doubts aren’t enough to ruin my self confidence and the trust i built with myself long ago.

i’m not really that pro when it comes to explaining things, so i hope u got what i wanted to say. happy shifting, my love 🤍

[xiaq]

How did you and B meet?

I'm sure I've talked about this before, but here's the Official Story from our reception invitations:

Erica met B through their mutual friend G while rock climbing at the Austin greenbelt in April of 2019.

Erica had just purchased a new camera and 80% of the photos she took that day were of B. She shyly sent B the best ones and noted he was a lovely subject. B said, “thanks bro” and used those pictures for his Bumble profile.

It was an auspicious beginning.

At the time, B was living and working in Austin while Erica was a PhD student in Dallas. She often visited “home” to see her parents and climb, so they met up regularly over the next two years.

When the pandemic hit, Erica moved back to Austin to work on her dissertation, and isolated with a small group of climbers that included B. They also started playing D&D together.

Erica’s character was a chaotic neutral half-elf bard who cast spells and cantrips exclusively via limerick. Her go-to solutions to problems they encountered were seduction, inciting political rebellion, befriending monsters, and stabbing.

B played a lawful good half-elf paladin who found Erica’s character extremely vexing.

In real life, however, they had quite a bit in common, and started spending time alone outside of group climbing and D&D meetups. Later, they would discover they had a mutual romantic interest at this point, but neither acted on it since Erica had accepted a visiting professorship in Colorado. She moved in July.

When Erica returned briefly to Austin over spring break the following year, she spent most of her time with B: climbing, hiking, grilling at her parent’s place, and staunchly denying there was anything happening between them even if she wished there was because honestly, mom, he's never shown the slightest bit of interest in me (her father scoffed loudly from the other room).

She decided to move back to Austin at the end of the school year. When B (and G) came to visit her a few weeks before she moved, Erica decided to be brave and make her intentions known. While watching a UFC fight with B on the couch, she tucked her toes, lasciviously, under B’s thigh.

Shockingly, he did not respond to this unequivocal romantic overture. But he did help her remove all the temporary wallpaper on her ugly rental cabinets before they left, so that was nice.

The following month, when Erica moved back to Austin, B asked if she’d like to come over for dinner after climbing. She agreed because she wanted to procrastinate unpacking and also she was slightly in love with him. The following day, he asked if she wanted to have dinner again. She did.

“Wow,” Erica said to her mother that morning, “I guess B is really lonely since G moved. He’s been asking me to hang out with him a lot.”

“You're an idiot,” her mother said.

That night, B asked Erica if she'd ever thought about them dating.

“I’m thinking about it now,” she said, cavalier, suave, blasé, and not nervous at all.

This wasn’t a lie, but she had also thought about it once or twice prior to that moment as well.

“Great,” B said, “How would you feel if I kissed you?”

And Erica said, “Yeah, I’d feel pretty good about that.”

A few weeks later, B casually showed Erica an empty shelf in his bathroom cabinet and an inviting space in his closet and a couple spare drawers in his dresser and she, equally casually, moved in with him.

Over the next year, the apartment’s decor and Erica’s diet improved drastically. They traveled, they climbed, they spent time with each others families. They lived, laughed, loved and reduced, reused, recycled. Shortly after moving into their new house, combining bank accounts, making each other their medical powers of attorney, solidifying their retirement plans, and discussing whether getting married would have tax benefits, they realized most people got engaged before doing…a good portion of those things. So they planned to propose to each other.

Christmas of 2022, they took a road trip across Colorado. B proposed to Erica on the gondola in Telluride; two days later, Erica proposed to B on the Train to Cascade Canyon in Durango. They both said yes.

In August 2023 they will elope, with their dog Deacon as a witness, to Mt. Rainier national park.

In November 2023, they’ll celebrate with their friends and family at a backyard reception that will include food, drinks, swimming, croquet, corn hole, axe-throwing and a bounce house (the axe-throwing and the bounce-house will be on opposite sides of the lawn; if it's cold, the pool will be heated). They hope you’ll come and share their joy with them.

[shutupptara]

‘tis the damn season - nathan mackinnon

summary: set during the 2020-shortened season- you’re home for christmas when you run into one nathan mackinnon on a grocery run. it’s been years since you’ve last talked, let alone seen each other, but it’s quickly like no time has passed. and the road not taken looks real good now..

i’ve been writing this since 2020. much like all of my writing i’ve posted, you have @kat-hearts to thank for this. she lovingly bullied me into finishing a piece i hadn’t touched in years. set at christmas, but not a christmas story. also set during the pandemic, so reality is very hand wavy (aka the nhl pushing the season happens, but lockdown isn’t reallllly a big deal) so if that bothers you, maybe skip this one.

is this any good? i honestly don’t know, but i know i loved writing nate so pls enjoy

word count: 13,151

warnings: alcohol use, strong language, explicit sexual content MINORS DNI, a general disdain for life and choices made, a tiny bit of angst, hating on Florida (it’s okay i live there) a LOT of self indulgence

title from ‘tis the damn season by Taylor Swift

It wasn’t that she didn’t like returning home for holidays, it was just a huge ordeal every time it happened. Not only was it a 3,000 mile trip, there was always ice and snow to contend with. Coupled with her well-meaning, albeit overbearing, neighbors, the holidays get to be a bit much for her to handle. Still, there’s something wonderful about the tranquility of home. Refreshing, really. With a year as stressful as 2020 had been, it was a blessing to be able to return home for the holidays.

Her first true day of Christmas break, her mother begs her to go to the store for her: there’s so much baking to prepare for, and while she is happy to do the shopping for her, she knows it’s so she won’t see her wrapping presents. Even at 26, her mom insists upon marking her gifts ‘from Santa’, and the nostalgia of it always makes her smile. So, against her better judgment, she ventures out to the closest Sobeys. She has her jacket and scarf pulled tightly around her, unwilling to admit to herself she really can’t take the cold anymore, but mostly wanting to hide to be in and out as quickly as possible.

She grabs a cart on her way in the store, unlocking her phone and holding it open in front of her, eyes sweeping across the list her mother had sent her with. It isn’t terribly long, thankfully. She makes quick work of grabbing what she needs, moving down the aisles long ago committed to memory with ease. Various other things get tossed into the cart as she moves: chocolate covered pretzels, a case of Diet Coke, her favorite cheese crackers.

When she reaches the wine aisle, she shrugs to herself, deciding it’ll be best to have some on hand, in case of an emergency. She grabs a bottle of Roscato for her mom, and two bottles of cab for herself. Once they’re safely in the cart, she makes her way to the checkout line. There’s quite a few people crowded there, and she tries to maneuver around to a shorter line, her brow furrowing when she spots a rather large looking man a few feet in front of her.

As she gets closer, realization washes over her. “Nathan MacKinnon,” she stops in her tracks, heart swooping in her chest. “As I live and breathe.” It comes out before she really even processes what’s happening.

He turns, almost as if in slow motion, his eyes widening when they land on her. “My god, it’s been ages. What are you doing here?”

She smiles slightly, suddenly hyper aware of how messy her hair is, and the fact that she hadn’t tried very hard when getting dressed this morning. “Could ask you the same thing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you home for Christmas.” She knows for a fact she hasn’t. It was the one reprieve of being back in Cole Harbour - Nate was never here.

“Yeah, I’m usually not,” he shrugs. “I uh, you know with the year as crazy as it’s been, and the season being pushed, I’ve actually been home most of the year. Hanging out with Andy, Sid, Jack, Pete...” There’s a longing look on his face, mirroring the ache she knows is lingering in his chest. There’s an identical one inside of her, and she knows she’s to blame for the pain Nate’s dealing with. This wasn’t a particularly easy run in for either of them, but it’s almost refreshing in a way? She doesn’t care about the buddies he’s spending his time with, she would’ve asked if she did, but it’s obviously important to Nate she know, and she doesn’t want to read too much into that. Maybe he wants her to know he’s not spending time with another girl, and she hates that part of her is hopeful because of that but it’s not fair to be. She can’t expect him to stay single forever, simply because being here and seeing him has every feeling she’s ever felt for him rushing back.

“Sounds like you’ve been busy,” she laughs. “I’m really glad I ran into you.” There’s a surprising amount of truth to that. God, it’s been almost eight years since she’s seen Nate, even in passing, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t followed his career. She’s from Canada for Christ’s sake, of course she follows hockey.

“I am too,” Nate grins. “Hey, you should come by later. There’s a few people coming over, no one you hate,” he raised his eyebrows and she can’t help but laugh. “No expectations, just drinking and fun. It would be nice to catch up.”

Without hesitation, she’s blurting out, “I would love that.”

“Great!” Nate exclaims. She can practically see him center himself in that moment, try to keep it together.

“I’m staying at my parents’ house,” she offers. Though I would much rather be with you, her mind continues, and she shakes her head to try to clear it. “Are you still two doors down?”

Nate reaches a hand up, rubbing the back of his hand awkwardly. “Nah, I bought a house when I signed with the Avs. It’s a bigger one, out on Albany Terrace. I think you’ll like it.”

She smiles brightly. “I’m excited to see it.”

“Yeah?” Nate mutters.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.”

“I’ll text you the address,” he offers. “Guess that means you have to give me your number.”

___

She makes a substantial effort to not show up right at 8 pm. It’s difficult, as she’s been a compulsively early person her whole life, but this time it feels necessary to be “fashionably late”. It helps that she fusses with what to wear for over thirty minutes- this shouldn’t be a big deal, and she doesn’t want it to be, but that doesn’t change the anxiety that’s swelling in her chest. She tells herself this isn’t anything to stress, it’s just catching up with an old friend and if things are awkward, she can always leave. Still, as she pulls up to Nate’s house, she realizes there’s a part of her that’s a tiny bit excited.

She takes in a slow breath as she kills the engine, nodding to herself as she climbs out of the car and heads up the walkway. She’s clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels in her left hand, never showing up empty handed instilled in her at a young age. She rings the doorbell, glancing around curiously as she waits. Her heart is pounding, and she’s ready to turn and bolt back to her car when the door swings open.

Nate’s standing in front of her, a soft smile on his face. She lets her eyes sweep over him, admiring the beige cable knit sweater straining over his shoulders. He looks so relaxed, so incredibly casual. “Hey! So glad you made it. Come in.” He steps aside, closing the door behind her. “That a bottle of Jack?” She can’t do anything but nod, holding it out to him wordlessly. “You haven’t changed a bit,” he laughs. “Everyone’s in the living room. There’s food in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”

Nate leads the way through the house, stopping briefly in the living room on his way to the kitchen. “Hey guys!”

She peers around him, relieved to see there really wasn’t anyone she hated in attendance. Pete, who she's known her whole life and his girlfriend Hannah are first to greet her, ushering her to sit beside them.

“Hey squirt, it’s been ages,” Pete teases.

“You forget I’m older than you,” She laughs. “But yeah, it’s been a long time.”

“Where are you living now?” Hannah asks.

“Florida. Been there for almost five years.” She falls quiet then, eyes glancing at where Nate is still standing.

He fidgets, and clears his throat. “I’m gonna grab a drink.” With that, he disappears around the corner, and she’s left to slump into the couch.

For a while, she mostly listens to Pete talk about his job, or the crappy apartment Hannah’s parents are begging them to move out of. It’s only a matter of time until they end up engaged, she knows, and she’s happy they’ve found happiness. It does little to help her feel like less of a leper, though. As soon as she’s able to find a break in their one-sided conversation, she jumps on it, taking the opportunity to disappear into the kitchen. Nate’s on one of the other couches, talking to Andy about getting a Call of Duty game going, and that’ll be enough to keep him occupied for hours. No chance he’ll notice her absence until she can figure out what the hell she was thinking showing up here tonight.

She heads straight for the freezer when she enters the kitchen, pulling out the bottle of Jack, and grabbing a solo cup laid out on the counter. She drops a handful of ice into the cup, followed shortly after by a hefty pour of the dark liquid. She brings the cup to her lips after taking a long drink.

“Jack on the rocks, eh?” A voice behind her asks.

“‘Tis the damn season,” she mutters, turning to spot Sidney Crosby leaning against the doorframe. She raises her cup to him, taking another long drink.

He lets out a honking laugh, eyes sparkling. “It’s nice to see you again.”

She quirks an eyebrow, “didn’t really think you’d remember me, to be honest.” She had only encountered Sidney a handful of times, and she never thought she’d left much of an impression. Truth be told, she was always a little star struck around him- it was hard not to be.

He furrows his brow, frowning. “Come on, I met you a bunch of times when you lived in Pennsylvania. And Nate talked about you nonstop when you were-“ he trails off, shrugging.

“Pen pals?” She offers. She can tell Sidney doesn’t see it as bitter. There’s a sadness in her voice she probably won’t ever be able to shake when she’s talking about Nate.

He shakes his head, but doesn’t push her, thank god. Instead, he steps into the kitchen, pours himself a cup of Jack on rocks, and clinks his cup against hers. “Here’s to escaping hometowns,” he toasts.

She grins. She takes another long drink, frowning at her cup when she realizes it’s nearing empty. “I think I may get drunk tonight, Sidney.”

He offers her the bottle, “I’m with you. Let’s do it.”

Surprisingly enough, Sidney Crosby is the one to save her from the awkwardness of the evening. True to his word, he does stay in the kitchen and drink with her. They talk about everything from Sid’s most recent cup wins to why on earth she decided Florida was a good place for her to settle down. They tread very carefully on any conversation that can take a turn to Nate, and she’s thankful Sidney read the room. He’s quite fun to be around once you chip away the exterior and he lets his guard down. They relocate to the table in the corner, and keep the bottle of Jack between the two of them, both casually refilling their cups as the night wears on.

When the bottle is almost empty and she can feel her head swimming, she jumps at the sound of another person entering the kitchen. “Ah, this is where you’ve been hiding.” Nate takes the seat beside her at the table, his leg bumping against hers as he maneuvers his chair. “Should’ve known you’d ditch me for Crosby.”

Opposite them, Sidney snorts. “Nah, just needed a drinking buddy, is all.”

“Sid is surprisingly good at drinking Jack,” she offers.

“Yeah?” Nate grins. “Seems like you’re pretty good too. Have you eaten anything?”

She taps her finger against her lips, considering, before shaking her head dramatically. “Nope.”

“Maybe we should fix that...”

Again, she shakes her head. “No room for food. Just alcohol.”

Nate smiles at her, and even in the haze of the alcohol, she feels her heart warm. It’s that same fond smile she’d loved so much when they were together, and she knows she can’t let her mind run away from her, but at the moment, she can’t rationalize why that’s the case. “In that case, let me break out the good stuff.” He stands up, heading to the cabinet above his stove. There, he grabs a fancier looking bottle, a dark brown liquid sloshing around as he carries it over to the table. “Crown Royal XR, so you never forget where you came from.” He takes the liberty of pouring her and Sid a glass before fixing one for himself, and reclaiming his seat.

She sniffs the liquid in the cup, eyes widening. “Ooof.”

“Don’t quit on me now,” Sid goads. He nudges her with his elbow, giggling.

She shakes her head adamantly. “Momma didn’t raise a quitter,” she announces. She raises her glass, waiting as Nate and Sid follow suit. “Here’s to Cole Harbour’s golden boys.” She sees Nate roll his eyes, but he’s smiling when he brings his glass to his lips.

She takes a long drink, her tongue flicking out to lick her lips. “Oh, that is really smooth.”

“Everything’s better when it’s Canadian,” Sid pipes up.

She giggles at this, which makes Nate quirk an eyebrow. “There’s no arguing that point, Florida.”

“Come on, Florida isn’t that bad,” she insists.

Nate looks to Sid, then back to her, shrugging. “The fact that you have to say it that way doesn’t help your case.”

“It doesn’t snow there!”

“Boo,” Sid says.

“How do you even survive without hockey down there?” Nate adds.

“Shut up, there’s hockey! My friend Nick would argue Tampa is a huge hockey town. Wait- oh my god!” She cuts herself off, looking around excitedly. She pats the pockets of her pants, pulling a face when she can’t find her phone.

“What are you doing?” There’s a distinct amusement in Nate’s voice.

“Where’s my phone? I wanna FaceTime Nick. He always gives me shit about knowing y’all. He pretends he doesn’t believe me because he’s never met you, so somehow that means I haven’t? I don’t even know...”

“Nick your boyfriend?” Nate grumbles, voice low.

She just snorts out a laugh, and takes her phone when Sidney slides it over to her. She clicks around on it for a second, then the distinct sound of a FaceTime call fills the room. She drums her fingers against the table impatiently, eyes lighting up when the line clicks on.

“Hey!” An excited voice fills the room.

“Hey Nick! What’re you up to?” She keeps the phone close to her, keeping Nate and Sid out of the frame.

“Well, it’s almost one in the morning on winter break so obviously I’m drunk with Garrett.”

“Tell him I said hi,” she insists.

“Sure. What’re you doing?”

Her eyes light up again, and she grabs her glass excitedly. “I’m also drunk, but I wanted to show you who I happen to be drunk with.” She downs the rest of the liquid in her glass and slides her phone back farther on the table, angling the camera to capture all three of them in the frame. “I give you Nate MacKinnon and Sidney Crosby.”

“Holy shit. That’s- fucking hell, that’s actually Sidney Crosby!”

She chuckles, turning the phone to face Sid and he waves awkwardly. “I told you, you don’t grow up in Cole Harbour without knowing the pride and joy of the city.”

“But you said you’d only met him a few times! And Nate MacKinnon too, what the fuck...”

“In the flesh. Oh, and Nate wanted to know if you were my boyfriend before I called.” She peers over at him, watching his cheeks flush pink. He opens his mouth to protest, but Nick quickly cuts him off.

He laughs, shaking his head. “Just one of my best friends, dude. You have my blessing. I know she would love to date a hockey player.”

“Yeah? Good to know.” Nate smirks.

“On that note, we’re going back to drinking now. Just wanted to humble brag real quick.” She flashes a toothy grin. “I’ll make them get dinner next time they’re in Tampa. Maybe you and the whole crew can come along.”

“Yes, totally! Have fun! Merry Christmas!” She wishes him a Merry Christmas back, and she’s ending the call, she hears Nick muttering to Garrett: ‘yes that was Sidney fucking Crosby’. She drops her phone down onto the table then, glancing over at Nate expectantly.

“So that’s Nick, my not boyfriend. He’s a big Lightning fan, and he hates the Penguins.”

“Charming,” Sid laughs. “Seems nice though.”

“Nick’s the best,” she agrees. “He and Danielle get me through living in Florida.”

“Ah, so you do admit Florida sucks?” Nate presses. He offers her another drink, and she nods eagerly. When her glass is full, he raises his to her. “Fuck Florida.” She taps hers against his, smiling widely.

“Fuck Florida, indeed.”

___

Another hour slips by as the three of them sit in the kitchen. The rest of Nate’s house is quiet, save for the inevitable hockey talk they’ve slipped into. Nate’s sobered during their time sitting there, his attention focused mostly on her and her half hearted responses. Poor girl is exhausted.

“Time for me to head out,” Sidney mutters. He pushes his chair back from the table, clapping a hand on Nate’s shoulder. “Uber’s outside. Thanks for having me, Nate. Nice catching up with you.”

“Bye Sid!” she brightens up, waving her fingers as he giggles and heads out the door. “Then there were two.”

“Sure I can’t interest you in some food?” Nate offers.

She shakes her head adamantly, eyes glossy, head swimming. “No, I told you... no room for food.” She rests her arms on the table, dropping her head down on top of them and peering up at Nate curiously.

He chuckles, resting a hand on her elbow. “Okay, time to get you home.”

She pulls a face, nose scrunching up in disgust. “Naaaate,” she draws out, “no.”

“Come on,” he laughs. “I’ll even tuck you in.”

She narrows her eyes at him, still frowning, “you promise?”

“Cross my heart.” He offers her his hand as he stands, helping her to her feet as soon as she agrees. He hooks her arm through his when she sways, trying to keep her steady on her feet. “I’ve got you.”

It takes some maneuvering, and a lot of patience on Nate’s part, but eventually, he’s able to get her into the front seat of his truck. He buckles her seatbelt for her when he slides behind the wheel, starting the car as she starts complaining about how uncomfortable his seats are.

“Good thing your parents live less than three minutes from here, huh?” He teases. He glances at her out of the corner of his eye, seeing her head slumped back against the headrest.

She’s quiet for a long time, and he has to tear his eyes from the road to make sure she hasn’t fallen asleep. When he does, he catches her gaze. “Nathan?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles.

“You don-“

She shakes her head, eyes squeezed shut. “No, Nathan, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I walked out I just- fuck, I didn’t want to be a WAG. I didn’t want hockey above all else, always. It wasn’t fair for me to do that.”

He’s quiet, hand gripping the wheel a little tighter. “Well, it wasn’t fair of me to make you feel like that would be your reality.” He hesitates, taking a slow, deep breath. After a moment, he nods to himself. “We can call it even.”

He offers her a shy smile, and she can’t stop herself from returning it. She unhooks her seatbelt and slides closer to him on the bench, resting her head against his shoulder. “Deal. Thank you, Mack.”

___

When they arrive at her parents’ house, Nate kills the engine and lets out a sigh. “Come on. Let’s get you inside.” She groans, but sits up straight.

“Fine,” she grumbles. She pushes the door open hastily, climbing out and crosses her arms over her chest. Nate simply shakes his head, taking her arm again and leading her up the pathway carefully. He knows it’s icy, and the last thing they need is the both of them to eat shit.

As soon as they reach the front door, Nate shushes her, trying to remain as quiet as possible while he pulls out the spare key from beneath the mat. He’s done this countless times before, and truly, it never gets any easier.

“Mack, remember when you tried to sneak me in drunk right before you left for juniors?” She laughs. She just giggles even louder when he presses a finger to his lips, eyes pleading. “You always take care of me.”

“I know, shhhh. I always will. We’ve gotta get inside.” Moments later, Nate gets the door open, tugging her across the threshold. He pulls the door shut as quietly as possible before glancing up, spotting her parents in the living room, sitting on couches reading. “Hi guys,” he sighs.

“Nate,” her mom smiles. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too. Sorry about this.. She was drinking with Sid and I didn’t want her driving-“

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” she whines. “I’m perfectly fine, Nathan.”

Her dad gives him a knowing look, chuckling. “Thanks, son.”

“Lucky to have you around, Nate,” her mom adds. “You know the way.”

He nods, tugging on her arm to lead her up the stairs to her childhood bedroom. She grumbles the entire way, complaining about being “too tired to see” or “everything’s spinning, I’m going to die”. Nate can’t contain his laughter, which only seems to frustrate her more. She glares at him when she finally gets the door to her room open, kicking her shoes off by the door and flopping down onto her bed in a huff. “Who let me drink me so much,” she groans.

“That would be Sid,” Nate leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest.

“He’s an enabler.” She lifts her head up, peering at him thoughtfully. “I was afraid to talk to you tonight,” she admits. “And he supported my stupidity to try to make me feel better. At least his heart is in the right place.”

Nate’s brown furrows. “Why would you be afraid to talk to me?”

She pushes herself up into a seated position, crossing her legs underneath her. “A tiny screen’s the only place I see you now.” Her voice is low, eyes cast downward. “I don’t know what we have in common anymore, or if you’d even want to talk to me.”

“Hey,” Nate says, pushing himself off the doorframe and stepping into the room. Two strides bring him over to the bed, and he sits beside her, craning his neck down to catch her eye. “I asked you to come over because I did want to talk to you. Do.” He hesitates, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know why but I never expected to run into you, and when I did, all I could think about was reconnecting and... I don’t know, being friendly again? There’s a pretty big you shaped hole in my life.”

She looks at him, eyes sweeping over every last detail of his face. She wants to blame the alcohol for how attractive she finds him in that moment, but she knows she can’t. Nate has always been gorgeous, and their time growing, apart, has only increased that. “I’ve got a big Nate Mack hole too,” she admits.

Without wavering, he reaches out and rests his hand on hers, rubbing his thumb across the smooth skin there. “Tomorrow, then. I’m coming by with breakfast and we’re gonna play pond puck.”

She can’t help the groan that falls from her lips. “I’m going to be far too hungover to be on skates tomorrow.”

“Should’ve thought of that before you drank half a bottle of Jack,” he grins. “Night.”

___

True to his word, Nate does come by first thing in the morning. She crawls out of bed at the sound of laughter down the stairs, wincing when the light hits her eyes. She manages to pull herself together to look somewhat presentable, though her headache is enough to have her debating hiding under the covers for the day.

“Oh, look who’s up!” Her dad teases. He’s sitting opposite Nate at the kitchen table, reading the paper like this is the most normal thing in the world.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” Nate laughs. “I brought Timmies.”

“Black?” She mutters, reaching for the cup gratefully. He nods. “Not iced, but I guess I’ll live. Thanks.”

Nate rolls his eyes, bringing his own cup to his lips and taking a long drink. “We gotta get you out of America. Not iced, pft,” he scoffs.

“Nate’s got a point, kid. You’re barely a Canadian anymore.”

She gives him a pointed look. “I didn’t hear you and mom complaining in Florida in January last year.”

Her dad grins. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

“Yeah, sure,” she smiles.

“You hungry at all?” Nate asks.

“Just coffee for me,” she raises her cup to him.

“Alright. Should we get going then?”

“A heroic return to my pond puck career,” she jokes. “Should be great with this hangover.”

Her dad laughs loudly, shaking his head. “Don’t let her fall through the ice, Nate.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He flashes a winning smile as he gestures for her to head out the door in front of him. “Your dad was thrilled to help me find your old skates in the garage this morning,” he tells her as they climb into his truck.

She rests her head against the cold window, eyes shut. “Of course he was.”

“It was nice to see them again,” he says quietly. “I always really liked your parents.”

“Good thing, they love you.” And it’s completely true. To this day, her mother still asks her about Nate. What’s he up to, if he’s seeing anyone... it would be sweet if it wasn’t so painful for her to have to relive every time she brings it up. Her dad is thankfully more subtle- they really only talk about Nate when hockey comes up. Of course they both keep tabs on the Avs, and it’s a common ground that is far more exhaustive than her job that her dad doesn’t really understand anyway. All in all, yes, her parents do love Nate, which made their break up that much harder.

Nate doesn’t respond; her words linger in the air like a bad perfume. There’s a kind of expectation to them, a dare to explore what that means and how it makes either of them feel. Thankfully, Nate pulls his truck off the road before they have to broach the subject. Just ahead of them, there’s a frozen pond, a couple of trash cans tipped over on either side to use as makeshift goals. It’s the same pond they’d played on as kids, hours spent skating and laughing together. It brings back a melancholic feeling, one that seems to sit in her chest when she follows Nate’s lead and climbs out of the car. He hands her her skates and a stick when they start walking, eyes focused on the snow beneath their feet.

She laces up her skates silently, glancing over at Nate every so often. He looks like he wants to say something, but just isn’t sure where to begin. She tries no to dwell on it, and instead let herself have a good time today. It’s been a long time since she’s had the chance to skate.

She uses the stick Nate handed her to help stand and steps out onto the ice, skates wobbling as she tries to get her bearings.

“Looking a little rusty there, Gretz,” Nate teases.

“Oh shut up,” she groans. It takes her a minute, but before long, she finds her comfort on skates again. It’s second nature, something she knows she will never forget how to do. “It’s just been a while.”

“Nowhere to skate in the sunshine state, eh?” He skates around her in a circle, turning around and skating backwards so he can face her. “What could possibly make you want to stay there?”

She gives a half shrug. “My life is there.”

Nate nods. “Right. Your job, your not boyfriend...” The smile on his face suggests he’s kidding, but she can see something behind his eyes.

“Nate...” there’s a warning in her voice.

He holds a hand up in defense. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, I just... what do you?”

“I’m a counselor,” she tells him. She chuckles when he purses his lips, clearly having no idea what that entails. “It’s supposed to be a mental health professional in the schools - someone to help students short term, refer out for bigger issues, teach social emotional skills. I’m just a glorified secretary at this point.”

He narrows his eyes, considering her. “I don’t believe that. You’re too good.”

She lets out a long sigh. “No, it’s true. Nothing I do actually helps anyone, and the one girl I did have a good relationship with, I was too busy to help this year. So she’ll never come back to talk to me now. I’m always a month behind and I don’t know-“ she lets her voice trail off, feeling her eyes sting as they fill with tears. It never hits her like this until she says it out loud, but it’s so alarming to lose your passion. She’s content, but she’s not happy, and it’s hard to feel like she didn’t make a huge mistake with her choices in life.

Nate stops suddenly, causing her to slam right into him. He reaches out and grabs her shoulders, keeping her upright. “Hey,” he coos, “I’m sure she’ll come back to talk to you. This year is unlike anything anyone has ever seen. I’m sure a lot of this is stress.”

This seems to open the flood gates, and against her better judgment, she feels hot tears start streaming down her cheeks. It only makes her cheeks more cold, and she curses under her breath. “I think I messed up, Nate. Florida, counseling, what if it was all a mistake?” She shakes her head, dropping it down to stare at their feet.

Nate reaches out, tilting her chin up with one finger. “Then you make a change. Find out how to be happy again, and go after it.” His hand slides up to cup her cheek, warm fingers wiping away her tears. “You’re incredible. If you made a mistake, that’s fine. Regroup, move past it.”

Her breath hitches, eyes locking with his. She can feel a smile tugging at her lips, her heart warming at his words. It’s an incredible feeling to be validated like this, to know her concerns aren’t ridiculous and she’s not an utter failure for rethinking every decision that’s brought her to this point. It’s tenfold now, standing so close to Nate, her heart beating wildly in her chest. “Nate, I-“

“I believe in second chances,” he tells her. His voice is barely above a whisper now, the rasp sending a tingle up her spine. She can hear the unspoken words behind it, I believe in you, and I believe in us. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but with the way he’s looking at her right now, it’s hard to take it any other way. Maybe she could let herself do this - love again, put her faith in him.

There’s nothing she wants more than to be able to give in, melt into his arms and tell him it was all wrong, but they can fix it now. With his bright blue eyes shining the way they are, she even lets part of herself believe that.

It’s the other, realistic part of her that holds her back. The what ifs and rational thinking of distance and time zones and years past rearing their ugly head. The fear of getting hurt again, or hurting him. There’s just too much to consider, too many sacrifices to ask of any one person.

“I want to believe in them too,” she admits. “But-”

Her eyes tell him everything she’s too afraid to. He inhales sharply, nodding once. “I understand. I won’t push you.” His fingertips brush across her cheeks gently before he drops his hand to his side. A sad sigh falls past his lips, and before he can move to skate away, she’s grabbing his forearm and gripping it tightly.

“We’ll play for it,” she blurts, mostly in an attempt to keep him from walking away.

Nate’s eyes snap up. “What are you talking about?”

“We’ll play each other. Pond puck. And I’ll be yours for the weekend.”

“If who wins?”

“Either of us.” Her hesitance is clear as day on her face, the anxiety swirling in her stomach. Maybe she’s being ridiculous, childlike even, but this is the only way she can give her heart what it wants without giving up her entire life. Albeit how appealing that road looks at the moment.

Gaze narrowing, he purses his lips in consideration. “You’re saying no strings?”

She nods, “I’m saying I won’t ask you to wait for me, if you don’t ask me to stay.”

“So a one night stand?”

Her head shakes slowly, teeth worrying at her lower lip. “No. I want the weekend with you in our own little bubble. I want to ignore reality and just… be.”

“I think we need terms for this,” Nate says. “What’s off limits, what isn’t.”

“Of course,” she agrees. “What you’re comfortable with.”

“If you win, big if, I’m yours for the weekend. You can call the shots; anything you want to do. Fair?” When she agrees, he cracks a small smile. “Great. When I win, you’re mine for the weekend. I’ll call the shots.”

“Sounds reasonable-”

“One more thing,” he cuts in. “You can’t break my heart.”

His words hang heavy between them, shifting the atmosphere. This feels like a contingency meant for more than just the weekend. It makes her chest ache to think about it, but Nate’s speaking again before she can get a word in edgewise. “Alright,” he pulls a puck out of his back pocket, holding it out between them. “First to three, yeah?”

He’s courteous enough to wait for her to get her bearings, both hands on her stick, knees bent, before he drops the puck between them. He taps it a few times with his stick, moving in slow circles. He pauses when they’re face to face again, leaning forward. “I’ll let you have first go.”

“Don’t go easy on me, Dogg,” she teases. “I’m tough. I can take it.” She mirrors his stance, leaning over the puck with her hands spread wide on the stick.

“Game on, babe.” She sweeps her stick over his, cursing under breath when he swipes the puck away from her. He carries it on his stick across the ice, avoiding her attempted checks and steals as he goes. Eventually, she abandons that tactic, instead racing ahead of him and turning to defend the “goal”. She keeps her stick down, watching his eyes to try to read his play. He fakes left, moves right, stopping on a dime as he throws ice across her shins. She blinks and the puck is slamming around in the can, Nate throwing his arms in celebration.

“One down,” he gloats.

She rolls her eyes, flicking the puck out at him. It skids to a stop in front of his skates, and she heads back to center ice, knowing he won’t be far behind. By some miracle, she’s able to gain possession of the puck in the faceoff, doing her best to get a jump on him and head down the ice. In an instant, he’s right behind her, stick held out in front of her, attempting to poke check it away. When she shifts, Nate checks into her from the side, nearly sending her tumbling on the ice. “Okay Mr. Lady Byng,” she laughs.

Nate simply grins at her, taking off after the puck and keeping it a distance away from her ahead of him. Effortlessly, he sends the puck sailing into the trash can, turning around to face her with an even cockier grin. “Not looking too good for you.”

“You’re a cheater,” she mumbles, retrieving the puck and gliding over to center ice. She keeps it in her hand as Nate eyes her, his gaze dragging slowly from her skates to the top of her head. “What?”

He shakes his head, jutting his chin out. “I don’t cheat.” He hunches over his stick, waiting for her to crouch into the same position and drop the puck. The intensity that emanates from him is palpable, his bated breath, clenched teeth only adding to the stakes. When the puck falls from her hand, it’s like time slows down. There’s a frigid breeze across her cheeks, blowing her hair back over her shoulders - the puck clattering against the ice once, twice, before it’s flat and they’re both springing into action. Their sticks collide as they sweep them, neither making contact with the puck at first.

It’s Nate who comes up victorious from the faceoff, stickhandling it until he’s able to turn his back to her. She knows he’s far too advanced for her to out play - his skills are unmatched, so she opts for playing a little dirty, using her own skills to her advantage. When Nate fakes and moves left, she positions herself there, right in front of him. All the air whooshes out of her as they collide, his shoulder pressed against her chest. The startled expression on his face makes her crack a grin, and he’s distracted enough by the move to let her gain possession. Once it’s on her stick, she takes off down the ice in the other direction, keeping the puck out in front of her. She can feel Nate hot on her tail, attempting to swat the puck free, knock her off balance. Her eyes stay fixed to the trash can, and she doesn’t hesitate - just slaps the puck as hard as she can. The bang that rings out echoes through the quiet, and she glances over her shoulder, flashing Nate a triumphant smile.

“Two-one now,” she points out. It’s a ridiculous thing to try to boast about, but it very clearly pushes Nate’s buttons. She’s never known a single person to be more competitive, and it’s admittedly fun to draw that side out of him every now and again.

She can tell she’s struck the nerve when Nate gets huffy, his nostrils flaring as he rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles. “Just get ready for the faceoff.” He reaches down to scoop the puck out of the can, quickly following her back to center ice and watching her get situated. Seconds pass in silence until they’re both ready, and Nate drops the puck.

It’s a hard-fought battle from the moment the puck hits the ice. Nate jumps into action, immediately getting his blade down, trying to gain control. But she doesn’t concede to him as easily this time. She bends her knees a little further, using her body to shove against his side, trying to throw him off. When he chances a look at her, she swats at the puck, nearly situating it on her own stick. Nate chuckles, shifts his weight to his other foot, and steals the puck back. The movement throws her a little off balance, and she reaches out for him on instinct, hand gripping the fabric covering his shoulder tightly. She tugs at it to keep herself upright, ignoring his half hearted scoff when it knocks him away from the puck slightly. Within seconds he rights himself, tearing down the ice toward the goal. He’s impossibly fast, and she knows there’s no catching up to him, so the resounding “clang” of the puck hitting the metal comes as no surprise.

When she lifts her gaze, she immediately spots a grinning Nate skating over to her. The corners of his eyes crinkle in delight. “That’s game,” he breathes as he skids to a stop, throwing snow across her shins. Breath hitching as she draws her eyes up to his face, she notices Nate is so close. Closer than he’s been to her in years, and heart is pounding in her chest. With a clatter, he drops his stick to the ice, tossing his gloves down beside it. Now bare-handed, he reaches up, brushing her hair back off her shoulder. The cold air bites against the skin of her cheek for just a moment before his hand is there, big and warm and so soft. “I call the shots, right?” His voice is barely above a whisper, but her eyes are zeroed in on his lips. His tongue flicks out to wet them after a brief nod of her head, and something in her brain short circuits. Drawing in a shaky breath, she holds it as Nate leans in, lips brushing against hers gently, tentative. On their own accord, her hands are flying up to grip his shoulders, her legs suddenly weak.

The kiss is over almost as soon as it’s started, and it leaves her breathless, eyes blinking open slowly. All she can focus on is the small smile that appears on Nate’s lips, and the deep blue of his eyes.

“Do you have plans later?” Nate mutters.

“No.”

There’s that blinding grin again. “Good.” He leans in, pressing a soft little kiss to the side of her mouth, barely inches from her parted lips. “I’m picking you up at seven.”

___

“Where are we going Nate?” She asks, eyes narrowed. They’re sitting side by side in his truck, driving mostly in silence to their unknown destination. His earlier text was cryptic, merely telling her to dress warmly with a smiley emoji. It’s out of character for him, but mostly she’s surprised he seems to want to be spending time outside. In December. In Canada. Sure it’s been warmer than in past years, but when the sun drops, they’re lucky to be breaking twenty degrees Fahrenheit.

“It’s a surprise,” he says. A small smirk dances across his lips, eyes seeming to sparkle with mischief. He knows how much she hates not knowing, but she understands he’s trying to do something fun too. So she sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, shifting her focus to the road in front of them. “You’ll like it,” he promises. There’s the tiniest hint of uncertainty there, a hesitation that tells her he’s just as nervous and confused about everything as she is. Do they know what the other likes anymore? How much has changed?

“I’m sure I will,” she insists.

They drive in comfortable silence, the low hum of Nate’s truck the only sound filling the air. When she chances a glance at him, she’s met with his calm expression, the familiar curve of his nose, his pursed lips. His concentration is clear as day, and she can’t quite place why it’s so endearing.

Thankfully, she doesn’t have much time to dwell on it. He drives about twenty feet more before he’s pulling off the main road. Immediately, they’re both bouncing on their seats, the uneven terrain jerking them back and forth. Just as she opens her mouth to ask him what’s happening, Nate puts the car in park and kills the engine. Wordlessly, he opens his door, stepping around the truck quickly to pull hers open for her. He holds a hand out to her to help her step down, and keeps a firm hold on it when she’s safely on the ground.

“Nate?” She says finally, head cocked in confusion. They’re parked in the middle of an open field, nothing but trees and the setting sun around them. It’ll be dark soon, and she’s not exactly sure what she should be expecting. “What-“

“Trust me,” he cuts in. He smiles at her when she nods, then leads her toward the back of his truck. He lowers the tailgate with his free hand, then reaches for a handle on the cover. His grip finally drops as he clicks the handle into place and walks the cover back toward the cab. Inside it, pillows and blankets cover the bed of the truck, a Yeti cooler stashed into the corner. When she catches his eye again, he’s sheepish, a bashful smile on his face. “I thought it’d be nice to just sit under the stars for a while.”

“Nathan…” it comes out in a sigh, and she’s thankful for the darkening sky that’s hiding her growing smile. She knows it’ll instantly give away how smitten she is, and that’s a conversation she’s not quite ready to have yet.

“Is it okay?” The hesitation in his voice has her jumping to reassure him.

“Yes, yes it’s perfect,” she rushes.

He dips his chin in a nod. “Let’s get you up then.” He doesn’t wait for her to respond, or really even process his comment before he steps over to her, lifting her easily around the waist and hoisting her up. As soon as her feet are planted in his truck, he gives her a little nudge forward, and climbs in after her. “Sit, make yourself comfortable,” he insists. He busies himself pulling out a flashlight, flicking it on and sitting it in the middle of the truck bed. Next, he’s grabbing food out of his cooler, placing them gingerly beside the flashlight. She merely watches in awe as item after item is taken out: plates, forks, glasses, crackers, cheese, wine, fruits. He’d thought of everything.

“It’s not a meal,” he reasons, “but I figured it’s better than nothing.” He produces a corkscrew from his pocket, then sets in on getting the wine bottle open.

“Nate, it’s wonderful,” she insists. She takes the stemless wine glass as he hands it to her, smiling softly. “Though I’m a little surprised to see you willingly eating carbs and drinking alcohol.” She cracks a grin when he rolls his eyes, making a show of bringing his glass up and taking a large gulp.

“Et tu?” Nate groans, dragging his free hand through his hair.

“I’m just messing with you.”

“You’ve read all the articles, then? Keeping tabs on me?” He lifts his eyebrows suggestively.

“Something like that.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“Nathan.” Her expression is hard, a no nonsense frown on her face. “You do not disappoint anyone.”

He sighs, and passes her a plate of various snacks, keeping his eyes on his hands. “I don’t know how true that is.”

“I do. You’re being hard on yourself.”

He considers for a moment, shrugging. “Maybe. But I need to be. It keeps me disciplined.”

She scoffs, rolling her eyes before popping a cut piece of fruit into her mouth. “I don’t think you need help in that department.”

“I started seeing a sports psychologist,” he mumbles. It catches her off guard, his admission, but it fills her with pride all the same. The Nate she knew before never would’ve taken that step, and he certainly wouldn’t have told anyone about it. That’s growth.

“How’s that been?”

“I like it. Kinda helps me take a step back from things and visualize what I want and how to get there.” He hesitates, opening his mouth before closing it quickly.

“Sounds like there’s a but there?”

“But I don’t know that it's enough.”

“In what way? Like you need more help with your mental health?”

He scrunches his nose. “No, I guess with hockey and stuff. It just-“ he cuts himself off with a sigh. “It feels like I’ve put in the work, and have gotten no results.”

“Because you haven’t won shit?” She offers. She cracks a grin when Nate looks up at her, expression blank. This only serves to make her giggle, and as much as she wants to blame it on the wine, she knows it’s the way Nate shakes his head and cracks a grin right alongside her.

“I haven’t won shit,” he agrees.

“You will.”

“You sound so sure.”

“Because I am.”

“Why?”

She brings her glass up, polishing off the rest of her drink and then sets the glass down. Hesitantly, she scoots forward a bit more, until her knees bump against his. His eyes draw up to hers slowly, the icy blue stealing the breath from her lungs. “Because I know you, Nathan. And you were born to do this.”

“It’s really not feeling like it these days.” There’s so much defeat in his voice it makes her chest tighten. On a whim, she reaches over and takes his hand, rubbing her thumb over his wrist slowly. “Feels more like I can’t do anything right.”

She wants desperately to reassure him, tell him his mind is wrong and playing tricks on him but she knows that isn’t what he needs. He has to navigate this himself. She can offer him support, but this is something he has to figure out on his own.

“I went first overall, I should be doing more for the team. It’s just been first or second round exits year after year. I can’t get us out of this hole.”

“It isn’t only up to you,” she reminds him. “If you feel you’re not playing up to your standards that’s one thing, but you can’t play every position. It’s not fair to entirely blame yourself.”

“Maybe not,” he shrugs. “Maybe I made a mistake with all of this.”

She frowns, eyes narrowing. “With hockey?”

He nods. “Hockey, life. I don’t know. What if I chose wrong?”

“Well, you’re preaching to the choir on that bud,” she says. She hesitates a moment, gathering herself. “For what it’s worth, I know you didn’t choose wrong. Things have been a bit bleak, sure, but you are far too talented to not share that gift with the world.”

Nate’s gaze catches hers, and she feels a shiver travel up her spine. When concern floods his features, she knows he’s felt it too. “You cold? C’mere.” He gives her no time to respond, just leans himself back against the pillows and reaches for a blanket. Once it’s situated over him, he pulls her in close against his side until her cheek is against his chest and his arm is around her back. The blanket gets tugged up to cover her too, and they lay together, cocooned in the blankets under the stars.

“Better?” Nate rasps, and truly, yes. This has made things better. Being so close to him, warm and safe - this is the first time she’s been able to take a deep breath in a long time. But she can’t admit that to him. So she gives a soft murmur in agreement and shuts her eyes to commit this moment to memory.

“I’m proud of you Nate,” she says eventually. “I know that doesn’t really help with all this, but I’m not the only one, ya know? We’re all rooting for you.” She tilts her head up, staring straight into his eyes. It makes her lose her breath, especially when he gives her a small smile.

“I appreciate how much you believe in me,” he whispers. “It does help.” He draws his fingers up slowly, tickling them against the exposed skin where her sweatshirt has ridden up. It forms goosebumps immediately, and she cuddles in even closer, out of instinct. “Being here has been like coming up for air.” He sighs, eyes softening even further. “And seeing you-“

“Nate-“

“Don’t,” he rushes. “We have an agreement, right? You’re mine for the weekend?” The hopeful expression on his face guts her, but she nods. She is. For the weekend.

“Yes,” she agrees. She tilts her chin up far enough for her nose to bump against his jaw, nuzzling it. “I don’t wanna think about after.”

“Then don’t.” He cranes his neck further, until their breath mixes. “Just be here with me.” Gently, so gently, he kisses her. It’s just a tentative brush at first, but it sets her body on fire. Within seconds, she’s hauling herself even closer to him, dropping her body over his as she deepens the kiss. She feels Nate’s big hands come up to grip her hips, keeping her close.

It’s not desperate and frenzied, but it still has her heart racing. The sweep of his tongue across the seam of her lips has her sighing, melting into him. It’s comfortable, warm and familiar, like coming home. She knows she can’t dwell on that thought, so she pours everything she can into Nate instead. Kisses him breathless, then comes back for more.

When Nate breaks away, he lets his head fall back to the pillows, a tiny grin on his face. “I’ve missed this, babe. Missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Nate.” She admits, to herself just as much as she does him. It feels monumental to do so, but she lets herself have this moment; snuggles closer into Nate’s arms and kisses his neck. They have the weekend, and she’s not going to ruin that.

~

Reality starts to feel a bit distorted after laying with Nate in his truck. In a way, it feels like they’re existing inside a bubble - one that gives them a taste of the road not taken. It’s addicting, with the potential to be heart wrenchingly painful if she’s not careful. But part of her knew she’d end up here. Her and Nate had been so strong before fear crept into her mind. The problem now is figuring out how, if at all, this influences her real life that she’ll be getting back to sooner rather than later.

And Nate, bless his heart, seemed to be doing everything in his power to make this as hard as possible for her. He’d taken the “I call the shots” agreement to heart, planning the entire next day for them to spend together. He arrives at her house thankfully much later in the morning than the day prior, with iced Timmy’s in tow. He leaves a dozen doughnuts and two extra coffees on the counter for her parents, flashing that heart melting smile when she insists he didn’t have to go to the trouble.

“It’s no trouble,” he insists as they’re climbing into his truck. He immediately reaches to crank the heat for her, tugging his seatbelt across his body.

“Well thank you,” she says. “What’s on the docket today?”

He eases the truck out onto the road, his tongue poking out between his lips in concentration. Only when they’re settled into the lane does Nate glance over at her. “Thought we’d drive down to Peggy’s Cove. Walk around a little bit. See the lighthouse?”

Her face lights up at the mere mention. Peggy’s Cove is about an hour from Cole Harbour, and it’s always been one of her favorite day trips. There’s something so wonderfully calming about the shoreline, at any time of year. “Sounds good to me,” she says.

She’s pleased to find how at ease she feels beside Nate on the drive down. They happily flick through radio stations, singing along completely off key. Her cheeks start to hurt from the wide smile she can’t seem to wipe off her face, all thanks to Nate. And god, what a thought that is. She’d certainly never entertained the idea of meeting up with Nate at home, nor did she think she’d find herself riding around in his truck. It feels like an alternate reality and surprisingly, the thought doesn’t put a damper on her mood. It just makes her enjoy it all the more.

Before long, Nate is pulling into a deserted parking lot along the shore. He kills the engine then looks over at her, smiling softly. “Shall we?” When she nods, Nate climbs out of the truck and races around to grab her door for her.

It’s a stunningly beautiful day, but it's freezing, even bundled up against the cold. Despite her tightly wound scarf the wind nips her cheeks harshly as soon as she closes his door. In front of them, waves are crashing against the covered rocks, a soothing symphony filling the air. There's chunks of ice floating in the water, and she shakes her head at just how picture-esque it all is. A rare blue sky day in late December, the sun breaking through the small clouds, its rays reflecting off the snow on the rocks.

Nate turns to her, offering his hand and she takes it without hesitation. His gloved fingers wrap firmly around hers, and they start to slowly walk toward, squinting to see.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been down here,” she admits. “I don’t know how I forgot how beautiful it is.”

“I’ve always loved it here,” Nate says. She glances at him, sees his pink cheeks, his hair blowing in every direction. It makes something in her chest tighten, and she squeezes his hand a little tighter. They make their way closer to the lighthouse silently, simply taking it all in.

As they approach the darker rocks, Nate stops suddenly, tugging her into him. His arms go around her shoulders, keeping her close. “This okay?” He whispers.

“Yes,” she breathes. More than okay, she wants to say. It’s touching really, that he’d drive all this way just to stand there with her and stare at a lighthouse. It’s reminiscent of the early days in their relationship, before the drama and the uncertainty, when all they needed was to be together. “Thanks for bringing me Nate.”

He hums, his cheek pressing against the side of her head. “Thanks for wanting to be here.”

She can feel that his words have a much deeper meaning behind them, though she chooses to take them at face value. It's clear they’re going to continue to dance around the obvious, even if it’s rehashing something they’d already settled on. It’s just for the weekend; there’s no realistic way it could be more and they can’t put that kind of pressure on each other. But even though all of this is true, it doesn’t change the way being with him makes her feel. It doesn’t take the warmth out of his smile, or the fondness from his eyes. So maybe she is breaking her own heart here, but what other choice does she have?

***

She and Nate spend much of their day wandering through the small fishing village. They stroll down the boardwalk, through small boutiques and touristy souvenir shops. Nate happily walks through every single open door, stopping to sign an autograph or take a photo every now and then when they happen upon another person. He has no qualms about waiting for her to browse in the bookshop, instead spending his time posted up on a comfortable chair, petting the store cat with a smile on his face.

After a late lunch at the only restaurant in town, they get back on the road, headed for Cole Harbour. Conversation in the car is light and casual, both just catching the other up on life’s nuances they haven’t been privy to in years. It’s more than just work: it’s the song that made Nate cry because it reminded him of leaving for the US when he was just a child, it’s the countless seafood meals she’s turned down in her adult life because nothing can compare to the luxuries of home. The conversation never lulls, though it does veer significantly off course when they spot the ‘welcome to Cole Harbour’ sign approaching in the distance.

“Nate, pull over!” She insists. She’s digging through her bag, ignoring his request for an explanation. After a few seconds, she emerges victorious, holding up a black marker and a piece of paper. She smoothes it out as best she can on his dashboard, then unhooks her seatbelt. “Do you have any tape?”

“What do you need tape for?” Nate asks. He earns himself a pointed look, one that says ‘don’t ask questions’. He sighs, then flips open the center console. “I think I have some stick tape lying around…”

While he tracks that down, she gets to work writing, keeping her arm strategically placed so he can’t glance over her shoulder to sneak a peek. Just a few seconds later, he’s setting the tape down next to her hand and looking at her expectantly. “What are you doing?”

“You’ll see,” she grins. She picks up her sign and the tape, opens the door to his truck and hops down onto the road. It's not very busy, thankfully, but Nate is immediately concerned all the same.

He calls out her name, quickly following after her as she walks. “You can’t just get out of the car on a main road and walk away,” he insists, but she’s not listening to him. She’s still making her way forward, toward the welcome sign and the townline. Once she’s standing in front of it, he watches as she pulls up the tape, ripping it with her teeth. The piece of paper is held against the welcome sign, then secured with tape, and she steps back with a satisfied smile on her face. The writing doesn’t become clear until Nate is standing beside her, and once it does, he bursts into laughter.

Attached to the bottom of the sign, where it reads ‘Home of Sidney Crosby’, she’d taped up her own: “and Nathan MacKinnnon”.

“I’ll have to get a proper one commissioned, but I thought this would do for now,” she grins. As she locks eyes with Nate, she feels her heart start racing. He seems happy, but she doesn’t want to assume he’s not just saving face and she’s made him uncomfortable.

Wordlessly, he closes the space between them, gathering her into his arms. “You’re just- you’re so wonderful.” He doesn’t give her the time to respond, just leans in and kisses her, hard and long. It sets her world on end, she gasps for air when he pulls away.

“Nate-“

“You wanna come to my place?” He asks against her lips, eyes hooded. A brief nod is all that’s needed to get him moving, guiding her back to his truck and opening the door for her.

___

Her hands are trembling when they pull up to Nate’s house. Nate grins at her, taking her hand over the shifter once he parks. He brings it to his lips and kisses it softly. There’s an unspoken understanding in the air, tension hanging between them. “Hey,” he whispers, trying to catch her eye. “You alright?”

Her voice is so soft when she speaks that Nate almost misses it. “I’m nervous,” she admits. “It’s been such a long time and I really want this to be good for you-“

Nate cuts in, brow furrowed. “Look at me.” He waits until she draws her eyes up to continue. “It’s okay to be nervous. I’m a little nervous, but please, don’t feel like you have to do this.”

“I don’t. I mean, I do want to,” she interjects. “I just- what if it’s not… good?”

He actually snorts when he hears this. He’s under no impression they’ve lost that spark over the years. It’s always been good, and he knows it will continue to be. But the hesitance on her face is suggesting she’s not thinking the same way he is. “It’s going to be incredible,” he insists. “Just like it always was.”

“We were kids, Nate. I’m worried it won’t be.” She takes in a deep breath, shaking her head. “I’m worried I won’t be any good.”

He drops her hand, turning in his seat until he’s able to cup both of her cheeks. Then he draws her head up until she’s looking at him again. “You are the most beautiful woman I know, and you’ve been driving me crazy since the day I saw you in the grocery store. I know you’re going to blow my mind.” She hesitates for a moment, but then she’s nodding as best she can with the way he’s holding her. “If you’re not ready, we can wait.”

“No,” she says adamantly. “I’m done waiting.”

This is all the confirmation that Nate needs. He keeps his hands firmly planted on her cheeks and leans in, kissing her hungrily. He slides his tongue into her mouth, groaning when he feels her fingers crawl up to grip his hair tightly. She leans even closer to him, pressing her chest against his, letting him feel every inch of her torso. His eyes are half lidded when he breaks away, tongue flicking out to wet his lips.

Her eyes blink open, and Nate’s smiling softly at her. His eyes are soft, filled with longing, and her stomach is doing flips. It’s tenfold when he climbs out of the driver’s seat, coming around to take her hand and help her step down. He laces their fingers, leading her up the short pathway and in the front door. They shed their shoes and their cold weather gear there, tossing it unceremoniously toward the built in to the right. They’ll deal with the mess later.

“Do you need anything?” His voice is low, raspy, and she’s shaking her head immediately. She’s of a one track mind now, and it seems that Nate picks up on that. He takes the initiative to walk her up the stairs, straight to his bedroom.

“Can I touch you?” He whispers. He rests his hands on her waist, lingering at the hem of her soft t-shirt. When he sees her nod, it’s up and over her head in a hurry, exposing her smooth skin. Nate’s eyes greedily take in every inch of her chest, and she’s surprised she doesn’t feel the urge to cover herself.

She feels a surge of confidence shoot through her; the way Nate is looking at her fueling her ego. It makes her bold, and she pushes back on his shoulders until he’s stepping backwards, and eventually, falling onto the bed. Then, she climbs into his lap, her hair falling around them like a curtain when she leans down over him. “Are you just going to look?” She asks, and the challenge in her voice ignites something inside Nate.

Before she can blink, she finds herself on her back with Nate crawling over her. He reaches up and tugs off his shirt, smirking at her sharp intake of breath. He doesn’t take much time to gloat, choosing instead to draw her in for another kiss. His hands make quick work of her bra, tossing it across the room carelessly. His lips trail down her chest, mouthing at the supple flesh, and swirling his tongue around her nipples. He revels in the breathy sounds falling from her lips when he bares his teeth.

“Nathan, please touch me,” she whines. She wriggles underneath him, trying to draw him up, get his mouth back on hers.

“Patience, my girl,” he mumbles. He kisses the tip of her nose before he sits back, eyes taking in her form. Her hair is splayed out across the bed, cheeks flushed, and pupils blown wide. He slides his fingertips over the red marks he’d left on her breasts, dragging the rough pads down until they’re toying with the waistband of her pants. He glances up at her again, eyebrows lifted to check in, make sure this is still what she wants. He earns himself a frustrated groan and a “come on, Nate”, which he takes as the green light. He slides everything down in one move, leaving her completely bare to him. “God, look at you,” he breathes. He pushes her legs open wider to accommodate the bulk of his shoulders before he drops down onto his stomach. His eyes never leave hers as he leans in close, kissing up her thighs until he’s inches away from her throbbing center.

She tosses her head back, squeezing her eyes shut to try to regain control of herself. Her body is thrumming with anticipation, desperate for Nate to do anything. After a few seconds, she’s rewarded for her patience. Nate licks a long strip up from her entrance to her clit, chuckling against her when she gasps. Immediately, her hands fly to his hair, fingers gripping tightly. Nate flicks his tongue expertly against her before drawing her clit between his lips and sucking. She feels him ghosting his fingers over her lips, the soft tickle making her toes curl. She lets out a moan, and that’s all it takes to get Nate to dive in. He slips two fingers into her dripping entrance, scissoring against the tight suck of her walls.

“Nathan,” she pants, back arching. He’s nibbling on her clit as he seeks that spot inside of her, pumping his fingers in and out quickly. She cries out when he finds it, and Nate presses down hard, keeping his fingers firmly against it while she thrashes against the bed.

She’s sure her grip on his hair has to be painful at this point, but she’s too far gone to care. All she can focus on is the blinding pleasure Nate is giving her. She can feel that coil tightening inside of her, her body wound so tightly she’ll snap back at any given second. When he sucks on her again, she snaps, trapping his face between her legs as she comes, thighs tightening around his head.

Nate keeps his fingers working inside of her as she starts to come down, her breath slowing, though not entirely coming back to her. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he climbs up to his knees, grinning wickedly. “Such a good girl for me,” he coos.

She’s having a hard time replying to him. She can’t get a sentence out, moans tumbling past her lips whenever she opens her mouth. Nate is prolonging her orgasm, keeping her suspended up on cloud nine as he watches her, eyes hungry. “I’ve imagined this so many times,” he admits. “Over the years, when I’m on the road late at night. I love to picture you wrapped around me instead of my hand, squeezing me so tight. You feel so good around my fingers; I can’t even imagine how you’ll feel around my cock. Will you let me have you? Sink deep inside of you and fuck you open, my girl?”

She cries out again, nodding quickly. She grips his forearm tightly, eyes rolling back. “Please Nate,” she chokes out. “God, please, I need you.”

“You’ve got me,” he swears. He leans down and kisses her again, stealing the air from her lungs. He tugs his sweatpants down as best he can with one hand, sighing against her lips when his cock springs free.

Slowly, she draws her eyes up from his cock, enjoying the sight of his clenched stomach muscles, and the strain of his bent forearm. Everything about Nate is absolutely gorgeous. He’s just so big; so wide and cut, and god, he’s going to be the death of her. She grips his shoulders tightly, mouth going dry at the muscles her fingers trace over. She’s trying to commit every moment to memory, the soft pants falling from Nate lips, the way his eyes are nearly black with desire. It’s so different than it had been before, but somehow the same. They’ve both matured so much- confidence emanating off of them now, but that giddiness is still there. That schoolyard crush that makes your heart beat faster and your hands shake. Her head is swimming, with desire, and the disbelief that this is truly happening. That they’d found a way to have this happen again.

She whines when he draws his fingers out of her, the loss leaving her feeling empty, and she clenches around the air. “I’ve got you,” Nate promises her. He reaches over her head to the bedside table and comes back with a condom, tearing it open with his teeth before sliding it down his throbbing cock. Her fingers are still gripping his shoulders tightly, and there’s no way her nails aren’t biting into his skin but Nate doesn’t say a word. He just runs a soothing hand down her torso and grips her hips, holding her still as he lines himself up with her entrance. His eyes are locked with hers as he presses forward, the blunt head of his cock drawing a gasp when he slips inside. He’s so wide; her walls are already straining to accommodate him, the burn of the stretch making her heart pound. Nate takes his time pressing into her, letting her accommodate for his size. As he pushes in, he’s whispering soft reassurances to her, telling her how beautiful she is, and how good she feels.

He grips her waist tightly when he’s fully sheathed, his big hands wrapping around her. “Okay?” He whispers. She can see the strain of holding back on his face, the need to make sure she’s alright before he can let himself go and enjoy this.

“Perfect,” she assures. “Please, Nate.”

He sucks in a deep breath and nods. Slowly, he draws his hips back before snapping himself forward, burying himself even deeper. She’s impossibly tight and wet around him, drawing him in and clinging to him. It doesn’t take long for him to build up a steady rhythm and when he does, he feels like a man possessed. He’s holding her down against the bed, watching as her breasts bounce and her mouth falls open in pleasure. He feels her drag her nails down his back and he groans, driving into her even harder. The force of his hips is pushing her up the bed, leaving her breathless and begging for him.

“I’m so close,” she pants. “Please Nate, touch me.” Her eyes are shining when she looks up at him. He obliges, sliding his right hand down to press his fingers to her clit. Within seconds, she’s coming around him, clamping down on him as she cries out his name. Nate fucks her straight through it, his hips slapping against her ass as he chases his own release.

He kisses her desperately when he feels his body tightening. When her tongue sweeps against his, he’s gone. He drives in and holds himself there as he comes, a grunt falling from his lips. When he’s able to come back into himself, he reaches down, holding onto the condom as he slowly pulls out. He kisses her cheek in apology when she winces, tying the condom off and tossing it into the trash just after. He runs a hand down his face, trying to steady his breathing before he stands. He grabs the first hand towel he can find in the on suite bathroom, running it under the tap and bringing it back into her bedroom wordlessly.

She’s still spread out on the bed where he’d left her, her arm thrown up over her eyes as her chest heaves. He drags the towel between her legs, cleaning her up carefully, before the towel too gets tossed to the floor. “You doing okay?” He whispers. He drops down onto the bed beside her, manhandling her body until she’s lying on her side, facing him.

“Wonderful,” she says, and that’s the understatement of the century. “Was, was I okay?”

Nate’s eyes go wide, and he’s nodding immediately. “That was unbelievable. God, the way you feel-” He cuts himself off, dropping his head onto a pillow dramatically. “It’s amazing how good we still are together.” She peers up at him, sees his eyes closed and the small, happy smile on his face. It makes her heart twist in her chest, her throat tightening. Realization hits her like a bucket of ice water thrown over her head. None of this is real. He’s not her Nate anymore, and damn it, how is she going to walk away from this?

“I can hear the gears whizzing around in there,” he teases. “Tell me what you’re thinking?”

She hesitates, debates deflecting- telling him it’s nothing and avoiding the discussion she knows they should have. They’re adults now, this is the kind of thing they need to discuss, but she’s scared. “Nate,” she sighs, feels tears brimming in her eyes. “I don’t know. I just-“

“You told me you wouldn’t break my heart.” His voice is low. It isn’t accusatory, it’s just sad, like a punch straight to the stomach. She opens her mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. Hot tears leak out of the corners of her eyes, pooling on the pillow case.

“It’s feeling pretty broken right now.”

This has her swallowing hard, gathering her courage. “I don’t want to.” It’s barely a whisper. “But I don’t think there’s another choice.”

“Of course there is,” he assures her. “There’s always another choice.”

“Not when it leads right back where we broke in the first place.”

“Don’t think about that. Tell me what you want.”

“It doesn’t matter-“

“It does matter,” Nate insists. “What the hell are we doing in this life if we’re not trying to find happiness?” His eyes search her face, drinking in every feature. “What would make you happy?”

She doesn’t hesitate. “You. But-“

He shakes his head slowly. “Nope. No buts. I would make you happy?”

“Yes.”

“Thank god,” he breathes. “Because I’m not letting you go again.”

“It’s not that easy,” she says. “There’s too many variables, and it will lead us right back where we started.”

“It’ll be different this time.”

She sighs. “How can you know that?”

Nate reaches a tentative hand out, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “Because we know better. We can make better choices together. I know you don’t want to be a WAG, and I’m not going to put that on you. If you want to stay in Florida, okay. If you want to move to Denver, okay. If you want to move back to Canada, that’s okay too. We’ll make whatever you decide work. I just want you.”

“You… you want that?”

“If it involves you, I want it.” He’s so adamant, speaking with such conviction she can’t entertain any other thought. She scoots closer to him on the bed, molding herself against his chest and resting her head on his shoulder.

“I really want this to work, Nate,” she says. “I really, really want that.”

He drops a kiss to her forehead. “Sweetheart, I told you, I’m not letting you go again. I mean it.”

[goblinwithartsupplies]

A half blood Christmas

I’m a huge lost media buff and I just realized I had this floating around in my phone and thought I’d post it incase the hosting website ever shut down. It is copy pasted directly from the website and all credit goes to Rick for writing it and the translation from Italian was done by Ari Wilde and Cam Baragiola

PJO ITALIA

dicembre 25, 2020

AN HALF-BLOOD CHRISTMAS (UN NATALE MEZZOSANGUE), A SHORT STORY BY RICK RIORDAN —

Rick Riordan posted a new short story on his official site today, set in the Percy Jackson Universe. The story was originally published on La Repubblica, a renowed Italian newspaper. This short story is the first that Rick has written entirely in Italian, a language in which he appears to be fluent in.

Since Italian is our mother-tongue, we were very excited and eager to read this story, and we have decided to translate it in English, and share it with Percy Jackson fans from all over the world!

An Half-blood Christmas

“Where are we?” asked Percy. “Florence,” said Nico.

Percy furrowed his eyebrows. “And why?”

The son of Hades snorted. “It's not like you need a reason to go to Florence. But you told me that you'd like to find a perfect gift for Annabeth, right?”

“Right.” Percy pressed his hands on his stomach. He never liked shadow travelling. “But I thought that we were going to go to Times Square's Christmas market. There are so many stands –”

“Times Square!” Nico shivered. “You're romantic. If you want a gift that's worthy of your girlfriend, you need an Italian gift, everybody knows it. Come on.”

The streets in Florence were empty. The winter clouds were heavy and grey. In front of Nico and Percy, the massive dome of the cathedral looked like a huge medieval spaceship, ready to take off.

“The shop is near,” Nico said, walking across the square. His face was hard to read due to the mask that covered his mouth.

“Which shop?” Percy asked. Nico didn't reply.

Percy looked at the shop shutters, the only people in the square were running around. Even the very tall Christmas tree seemed to shimmer sadly in front of the cathedral. In Italy, as in the States and everywhere else, this was a very hard year. Demigods, like Percy and Nico, couldn't get sick during the pandemic, but they could spread the virus, so they had to wear masks to protect the mortals in their lives, because that's what heroes do.

However, the son of Poseidon was tired and ready for a new year. Recently, monsters were "social distancing" too, and it was difficult to fight monsters with a sword when you were six feet apart.

‘Here we are,” Nico said.

The front of the shop wasn't much different from the others. It was at the entrance of an alley, with an iron grate on the closed door and advertisements on the dark windows: Jewels! The best offers!

“Seriously?” Percy asked.

“When we get in,” said Nico, “act kind and respectful.”

“As usual,” Percy said.

Nico coughed. “Anyway, this shopkeeper will help you find the perfect gift for Annabeth, I promise you. But. . . ”

“But?”

“He's a little strange.”

“As usual,” Percy repeated. He checked his pockets. “And how should I pay him? I have only dollars and an expired copoun for sandwiches.”

“Don't worry,” Nico said. “The shopkeeper doesn't charge for money. He'll let you pay in other ways.”

“Now I'm worried.”

Nico opened the grate, pushed the door and went in. Percy followed him.

Inside the shop, the walls were covered with lockers full of jewels and trinkets of any kind.

Behind the counter, with his back turned, there was a man with a huge red cloak, hair like a wild and white avalanche. He was working on a desk, repairing a diamond necklace.

“Impossible,” Percy murmured. “Santa Claus?”

“Where?” the man exclaimed, turning around alarmed.

He wasn't Santa Claus.

His cloak unfolded, becoming red wings. From his white hair appeared pointed ears like those of a lynx. From his beard, which was also white, boar tusks were lifted. His nose was a beak like the one of a vulture.

Percy swallowed. “I'm sorry. I thought you were somebody else.”

“Percy,” Nico said, “let me introduce you to Charu, the Etruscan god, guardian and guide of the dead.”

“Pleased to meet you,” said Charu, eyes burning like flames. “How can I help you?”

“Excuse me,” said Percy, “are you an Etruscan god?”

“Yes, yes,” Charu said. “Before the Roman intruders, these lands were the home of the Etruscan people. For this reason, this region is called Tuscany, are you following?”

“But why –?”

“Percy,” Nico interrupted him, “Charu is the last Etruscan god. He stayed after the others were gone, to help the dead cross over.”

“Alas,” said Charu. “That's true. I'm still waiting, hoping for other gods to return, but it has never happened.” He pointed a finger at the shop windows. “During the centuries, many have come to my shop, marching towards death. Nobody ever comes back. Well, there was that one guy, Dante, but except for him, nobody. People, and gods, leave me their most prized possessions for safekeeping, as you can see. What are you looking for?”

Percy wasn't sure he wanted to get Annabeth a present that had belonged to a dead god, but he didn't want to offend Charu. He explained the different things that Annabeth liked.

“Does your girlfriend like strategy?” Charu smiled, baring his tusks. “I've got just the thing.”

The ancient god took something from a locker. It was a gold bracelet, made of tiny keys. “This”, he said, “has been crafted by Sethlans, the Etruscan god of the artisans. The keys . . . well, I'm just saying, they can open many things and solve many problems.”

Percy was stunned. “It's perfect,” he admitted. “But it must be expensive.”

“I'll just ask you a question,” said Charu. “Tell me the right answer: why should ancient gods, like myself, celebrate Christmas?”

Nico looked nervous. Maybe he didn't think Percy would ace an oral quiz. But Percy thought carefully at the past year and at his friends, like Nico, who had helped him through it.

“Because”, said the son of Poseidon, “Christmas is for everybody. It represents hope. Especially in those trying times, all of us — gods, demigods, mortals — have to help each other out. We have to remain alert and optimistic, like you, watching over those who cross. ”

The god smiled. “Well said. Here's your gift. Maybe we'll meet again, eh? Merry Christmas!”

Once they were outside again, Nico said: “That was impressive, Percy.”

“Thanks,” said Percy, holding the bracelet. “But I guess the perfect gift is not a jewel. It's a good friendship. Merry Christmas, my friend.”

“Same to you, Seaweed Brain.”

Percy laughed and, together, they walked back into the shadows.

[dee-morris]

An Overdue Rant and a Christmas Fic

I wrote this Hallmark AU last December. It was supposed to be a jokey little one-shot, but man it ate my brain. My average daily word count is 500-1k words a day, and I think I was doing 2k to 5k a day until it was done. I couldn't fuckin stop, and it was glorious.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43616245/chapters/109670092

This is very important to me, because I came to fanfic like a dying traveler comes to an oasis. After the pandemic I became deeply depressed and I developed chronic writer's block. Marketing was an uphill slog, and not being able to go out and socialize at events made it unbearable. When I did go out, the anxiety I felt about COVID made it not fun. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to write again.

Writing fanfiction was a welcome reprieve from all that: no deadlines! No SEO! No depressingly tiny royalty statements! Positive reinforcement with no dollar signs attached! So it was nice, it was fun, but I didn't really get my groove back until I wrote HallMark. That wasn't just fun. That was drive. That was passion. And it was glorious.

After it was done and posted, I couldn't forget about it. I had to know what it was about that story that grabbed me by the brain cells like that. So I went back and read it again, and I read the comments (thank you all kind people you're the best), and I realized that it was about Aziraphale and Crowley, but it was really about my feelings towards how children are raised.

*I'm not going to completely spoil the fic here, but feel free to go read it before we get further bc I'm about to discuss some thematic elements.*

Crowley is raising the Antichrist to be the destroyer of worlds on the surface, but underneath it he cares about the world, and he cares about Adam too. And that is the side of him that Adam responds to, and why he turns out the way he does. And that's what parents don't understand about children. They are only kind of listening to your words. What they respond to, and what nurtures them, is your behavior towards them and towards the world you're raising them in. If you tell your kid that Jesus loves everyone and we should help the poor, but you vote for people who will cut welfare bc you think you'll get a tax break and a new boat, your kid sees you. If you tell your kid that it's a sin to judge others but you glare at a tall woman going into the ladies room bc you think she might be trans, your kid sees you. They might grow up to be an asshole or they might grow up to think that you're one, but either way you lose.

And if you tell your kid that his destiny is to destroy the world and that living things are fit only to be ground under his heels, but you make him sandwiches and worry about him when he's out of your sight and buy him stupid Christmas crap because it makes him happy, your kid might not turn out as evil as you thought.

(don't actually tell your kid he's the Antichrist, btw, this fic is hyperbole for symbolic thematic purposes and not a parenting guide)

Anyway, my point is if you love your kid and treat him right, if you treat other people right, and give him a stable home and maybe a dog if you can afford it, he'll probably turn out pretty much okay. The rest is just flavor.

Parents stress too much about things that don't matter, but it's not our fault. You have to run the gauntlet a couple of times before you can filter out stuff that matters from stuff that doesn't, because the books and guides and parenting classes will just try to scare you about everything. Let me assure you that your baby does not give two shits if you feed with breast or bottle. But your child will remember whether you were happy, and whether you took pleasure in their presence in your life.

So what sucked me in about this fic was the reversal of what I've seen in the real world. My brain conjured a fantasy of someone who's a good parent despite themselves, instead of a bad parent with a church habit and a fat bank account. Of course I had to bring that fantasy into the world. It's how things become real.

[jule1122]

Malex Thanksgiving Ficlet

Just a little holiday fluff.

Read it on AO3

When Michael decided he wanted to host Thanksgiving, he imagined a table covered in delicious, picture perfect food, with their friends and family gathered around it, smiling and laughing.  It was nothing like that.

Michael was so worried about undercooking the turkey that it was quite possibly the driest thing any of them had ever tasted.  Alex had underestimated the amount of time it would take the mashed potatoes to boil so by the time he finished them, the sweet potatoes were cold and had to be reheated.  The crock pot blew a fuse, and Michael cut his hand opening the green beans and bled into the casserole so they had to start it again.

But Maria brought Mimi’s famous cornbread stuffing, and Greg had taken up baking during the pandemic and made rolls that rivaled any bakeries.  The turkey wasn’t bad if you poured enough gravy on it, and no one was more surprised than Alex when his mashed potatoes were deemed worth the wait.

Michael - exhausted from getting up at 3am to start the turkey - fell asleep during Dallas’s blessing.  But Dallas made Max cry so everyone was too busy teasing him to notice Alex nudge Michael awake.  Kyle keeps checking the football scores on his phone, and Bonnie and Rosa get into a loud debate about some band only the two of them have ever heard of.

Liz forgot the pies, but Isobel brought double the wine requested and that seems to make up for it.  After Isobel breaks three glasses trying to clear the table with telekinesis, Kyle takes over and cleans the kitchen to surgical precision.  Alex makes popcorn everyone is too full to eat, and Kyle finally gets to watch the late game.

Alex and Michael fall asleep on the couch while Max and Dallas are bringing the tree in from the garage.  When they wake up the house is empty and quiet, the tree is up, the lights strung, and the ornament boxes stacked neatly next to it.

Alex yawns and hugs Michael to him.  “Wow, that was. . .”

“A disaster.”

“Perfect.”

They say at the same time.

“Best Thanksgiving of my life,” Alex tells him sincerely.

“Mine too,” Michael agrees.  “But we’re not doing it again, right.”

“Hell no,” Alex says, then catches the way Michael winces. “You already invited them for Christmas, didn’t you?”

“I love you,” is Michael’s only reply.

“I love you too,” Alex sighs. “There’s always catering.”

“Or a Christmas miracle.”

[allwaswell16]

One Direction childhood friends to lovers fics with little to no smut as requested in this ask. If you enjoy the fics, please leave kudos and comments for the writers! You can find my other fic recs here. Happy reading!

LARRY

Under the Yellow Roof by kiddle / @bluejeanlouis

(NR, 42k, historical au) A lot can happen in ten years.

 fondre ton absence by @scrunchyharry 

(T, 41k, amnesia au) It changed drastically when Louis was ripped away from him, drafted and sent to the front to fight in a war that Harry had always been sure would never reach him.

 threadbare by kiwikero / @icanhazzalou

(M, 20k, historical au) Harry Styles was eight years old when Louis Tomlinson kept him from falling into a machine in a Manchester textile mill. He was 18 years old when nothing, not even the threat of death, could keep Harry from falling in love with Louis.

i got a heart (but i don't got a soul) by tempolarriefics / @tempolarriefix

(NR, 19k, supernatural elements) the one where louis sells his soul before meeting his soulmate, harry is a popstar with a heart of gold, niall is inadvertently responsible for harry's boners, liam is a meddling angel, and zayn is a demon who made a mistake

 From Christiania with love by @sweariwouldnt

(NR, 18k, Denmark) It's Louis' first field training day as a future police officer. It doesn't quite go to his plan. Or, maybe, it goes exactly to some bigger plan.

 Hello, My Old Heart by @jesapeak​

 (M, 16k, proposal) All Louis wanted was to get through the new school year. Everything was going according to his plan until his childhood friend returned and managed to flip his life upside down, in the best way possible.

Don't Come Home For Christmas by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus

(T, 15k, enemies to lovers) they used to be best friends; they despise each other all these years later; and they’re both staying at Harry’s place for Christmas

in the pub that we met he’s got his arms around you by fearsparks / @onlythebravest

(T, 13k, uni au) Harry's best friend Louis comes to visit him where he attends uni, meets Harry's friends, who point out that they don't know what platonic means

Everything Comes Back To You by @jaerie

(NR, 9k, Marcel au) Louis was only seven when he found himself in a hospital bed alone and scared, confused about what was happening.

Any Man of Mine by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird

(T, 5k, cowboy au) Harry goes to visit his old friend Louis at his ranch in Texas after they reconnect during the pandemic. 

in this life by @alivingfire

(G, 5k, girl direction) In this life, Harry Styles found Louis Tomlinson early, and never let him go.

Summer Love by orphan_account

(T, 5k, proposal) He's gonna marry him someday. All that Louis needs to do is ask him - again.

you and I love like it's a secret by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

(T, 4k, high school)  It's Seven minutes in Heaven, but Louis sort of feels like he's ended up in Hell instead when he's forced into a small bedroom with his childhood best friend slash long time crush.

Down Memory Lane by flicker_album / @niall-official

(G, 2k, high school) Harry, as sentimental as ever, keeps anything Louis gives him in a box under his bed. He doesn’t anticipate Louis finding the box.

my favourite colour is you by velvetnoodle / @femslashy

(M, 2k, love confessions) Harry would scoff whenever the people closest to them would question their lack of an actual relationship, because the idea of the two of them being anything more than friends is the most preposterous thing he can think of.

captivity by momentofclarity / @gaycousinlarry

(G, 1k, older) you get to a point in life when your secrets aren't as holy as they once were.

RARE PAIRS

Make It Up As We Go Along by @lululawrence

(NR, 52k, ot5) When a baby is left on their doorstep, their lives become the definition of chaos...but maybe that is exactly what they need to see what has been right in front of them all along.

somewhere only we know by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

(T, 9k, Zayn/Louis)  Zayn and Louis grew up together, but haven’t seen each other in over a decade. Now they're both in their twenties and meet again on a flight from LA to London, with ten hours in front of them to catch up, and maybe start something new.

Always Keep You Next To Me by @lululawrence

(NR, 8k, Louis/Greg James) When Louis' twin dies, Louis decides to take the birthday road trip they were meant to take together with Will's best friend Greg instead.

[idsb]

hi im new here can you give a brief rundown of like you lol?? where youve lived, jobs, partners, interests, give me the idsb lore please!!!!!

hi!! sure, I have a lot of new followers and I was just thinking the other day abt this and how my blog is like 70/30 my personal life v Taylor so that must be confusing for new people. so yes! here's the spark notes:

My name is Holly and I just turned 28! I grew up outside of Boston and lived in NYC for ~10 years after I went to art school there. I dropped out of college after one semester to pursue my actual dream of touring with artists. After I dropped out I spent a while willingly homeless in NYC so that I could establish myself & my career there. Eventually it worked & I had been doing freelance photography, videography, graphic design and merch sales as steady income since ~2017. I was in a 5 year, emotionally abusive relationship with my high school sweetheart and finally ended it in 2018. A bit after this, I went to Australia for the first time with my then-friend now-boyfriend (Nov 2018). I've been obsessed with Australia since I was like 5 years old and it was an incredible adventure. I spent about 3 weeks there alone without then-friend, and during those 3 weeks met a Man. The last night we spent in Australia on this trip was Christmas Eve, and said man invited me to have an outdoor Love Actually screening and have a wine picnic with him and all his friends. it was one of the best nights of my life. We hooked up and he singlehandedly cured some sex-related fears I had from the previous relationship and I couldn't stop thinking about it for months. Back in America (Jan 2019) I entered my hoe phase in a never-ending quest for validation and slept with every guitarist I'd ever worked with while meanwhile having a big mental breakdown. Enter a John Mayer vibing man we called the Guitarist here, and a lot of Bad Shit he did to me in his own validation quest mental breakdown (May-August 2019). Clearly my only choice was to fly back to Australia to see the other guy! And I did (September 2019)! Then I was mega depresso when I went home bc my life felt hopeless & I'd already lived out all the hope it had going for it :) I continued my hoe phase and chronicled it via Spice Nights where I’d just answer nsfw asks and give advice for like 8 hours straight. This is waxing over it but it was chaotic and I cannot understate the Depression (Feb 2020).

Then the pandemic happened whomp whomp. I lost all my gigs and posted about it on Tumblr dot com, this blog gained a very large following sort of bc of being a Taylor blog and sort of bc of live-blogging all the drama. ms Taylor Swift saw it and she sent me $3,000 to cover my rent for all of lockdown. a lot happened as a result of that but in the end I realized it was not smart to stay in NYC and spent summer 2020 roadtripping around the US with my then-friend who had first come to Australia with me, who had since joined the leagues of guitar-playing-employer-i-was-sleeping-with (there were 4 in total but I was in loveeeeee w this one). Big Cruel Summer vibes. my friend group exploded partially as a result of my behavior and partially bc they were cunts who didn't care about John Mayer vibe man manipulating me. So then I said fuck it and moved to Montana to work in a national park w guitar guy I Actually Loved who had become my boyfriend at that point, and we lived there until winter 2021. Then I started touring again, got insanely successful, was making more money than most people I knew with salaried jobs and booking work all over the world, my relationship ended over some drama I found out about way after the fact but then we got back together & moved in together (May 2023). Going great. Then I got so fucking burnt out from my job I was like stop the presses I am fucking off to Australia I can't do the music industry and the mega late-stage capitalism anymore. so now I live in Melbourne and am a bartender at a fancy cocktail bar and my relationship is sort of a LDR but I’m going home soon maybe(?) and that is what you missed on Glee!!!!

[chronicillnessfromateensmind]

February Baby

A baby born in February whose cries warmed the frigid air of all those around her, a mother's warm embrace, a father’s catchy laughter, an older brother’s playful spirit, all of these things are what welcomed me into the world. 

I don’t think anyone’s family is perfect, but mine is close. 

New years spent covered in glitter and beads, waking up on Valentine's Day to treats and charms, competitive easter egg hunting, summers in the Outerbanks, fireworks and family, back-to-school shopping sprees, costumes and hayrides, stuffing and laughter, and Christmas mornings all felt ever so magical. These are the memories that defined my childhood. It was a picturesque painting my parents so carefully crafted for my siblings and me. There aren’t enough words to describe how grateful and lucky I was to be born into such an amazing family. A family that no matter what my unhinged imagination conjured up, always supported me. 

I was a curious child, bouncing back and forth fixations like a racket ball. From basketball, to gymnastics, to swimming, to horseback riding, to girl scouts, to cheerleading, to school clubs; if I was curious about something I would go for it, and I had my entire family behind me in every decision. 

Some may say precocious, others may say, overachiever, I’ll just go with clever, but from a young age, it was evident that I wanted to be the best at anything I did. Walking at nine months old, reading and writing by three, getting top grades in kindergarten, and being way too hard on myself from second grade. There wasn’t a harsher critic of my work than myself. I’m not sure why I was born such a perfectionist, my parents are genuinely happy with any thing I do, but I’ve always been this way.

Looking back I’ve always been a sickly child, although back then it didn’t seem like much, but now it’s ever so clear something was going on. Like whenever I would get a cold, I would always be sicker than all of my friends, also it would last longer and take me more time to get rid of it. Often a simple virus would lead to secondary infections which prolonged the recovery time even further. 

A frightful and slightly traumatizing incident occurred after an ordinary routine dental cleaning. The specifics aren’t clear, but the doctors assumed that bacteria got into my bloodstream and landed in my femur bone, slowly eating away at it. The technical term is osteomyelitis, and spent a week in the hospital fighting the infection. The doctors informed my parents that if we had waited a further 24 hours, I would’ve had to have my leg amputated. I was in the fourth grade, 9, and petrified. 

I can’t help but draw parallels in my mind as memories from that time flash in front of my eyes, a girl so innocent and so full of love, screaming at the top of her lungs clutching her leg in pure agony as she pleads to her parent’s for some relief. Little did that innocent girl, who was so full of love know that in just four years she would be in the same position; only this time with no explanation as to why she was in such agonizing pain. 

When I was 13 the entire world was in disarray. It was 2020, the pandemic had just reached the states, and everyone was paranoid and terrified of the havoc this virus left in its wake. Depictions of toilet paper battles, milk shortages, mask mandates, and uncertain news reports come to mind. Portrayals of political anxiety and never-ending riots were prevalent, and misinformation and inconsistent media plagued our screens.

Being 13 years old and watching the world you once knew fall apart so quickly on the scale that it did was something to this day I don’t think I’ve fully processed. I don’t know if I ever fully will. 

Days seemed to stand still, the future didn’t seem bright, and quite frankly there didn’t seem to be any light in the outside world. With the melancholy state of the outside world, my family did their best to create a fun atmosphere inside our home. It’s been instilled in me from a young age that laughter is the best medicine, and in a time so dark and dim as 2020, all you could do was try your best to find humor in the smaller moments. So that’s what we did. 

Movie marathons and board games, trashy reality TV and ice cream, laughter and love. It didn’t matter if the rest of the world was bitter, brutal, and broken because our home radiated with warmth, with whispers of laughter encapsulating us, and it didn’t matter because we were together, we were whole. As long as we were together we could weather any storm. Little did we know, the biggest storm we ever would have to face was just hovering over the horizon. 

[tacosaysroar]

Top 5 Meals you have ever had. Either the food, the company, the experience or any mix of those things.

It’s going to be hard to limit this to just five — and it’s gonna get long — but here goes . . .

1) Best meal of my life was at a Moroccan restaurant in Paris the year before the pandemic. (I recommended it recently to one of you, but the name is escaping me at the moment.) It was a dark, cozy little place with gorgeous tile work. I had a black cherry pigeon tajine — my first time eating pigeon — that was SO good. We shared a bottle of the most delicious wine that, sadly, they don’t sell here. We asked the owner to pick out a dessert for us to share, and she brought out a plate of something we didn’t get the name of at the time, but I’ve since googled it and I think it was Ktefa. It was somehow both rich and light. The pastry stayed crisp under the cream/custard, which had a delicate hint of both orange and what you’d probably think of as Christmassy spices. We were SO full by the time we left. But I think about that meal every few months, it was so good.

2) Thanksgivings with my mother’s extended family, which we call “Chrisgiving” because we celebrate Christmas together at the same time. My mother is the eldest of 6 and all of her siblings have between 2 and 4 kids, most of whom have their own spouses and kids as well, so it’s a HUGE group. Very loud. It’s buffet style, with the food filling at least three of those long fold-out tables you can always find in church basements. Almost all of it made from scratch. The food is always good, but obviously this one is more about the company/atmosphere.

3) When Adelaide was still in Montessori, one of her friends’ mothers was from Argentina and we were invited to an empanada-making party. It was supposed to be for the kids, but they were maybe kindergartners, so they were into it for about ten minutes before wanting to run around outside. So it became about the moms all standing around in the kitchen peeling hard boiled eggs and learning to stuff and crimp empanada skins. One from Argentina, one from Russia, one from Bosnia, one from the MidWest, and me. We talked about work and kids and dating/spouses and now I can make (the Argentinian version of) empanadas.

4) Trattoria Al Gatto Nero in Burano, Italy. We’d spent the morning at a glass factory in Murano and the tour guide knew we were heading to Burano, so she got us a water taxi and told us we HAD to have lunch in this place. It’s a Michelin star restaurant and mostly specializes in seafood (no surprise, considering we’re talking about an island). I had these delicate little crab claws that were SO fresh and perfectly seasoned. We sat outside by a canal and rows of brightly painted houses/shops with church bells ringing from the square nearby. It was drizzly and a little cold, so the waiter brought blankets out to wrap around all of our shoulders. It was just a lovely experience from start to finish.

5) I think I’ve told this story here before, so forgive me if a second telling seems like bragging. I dated a very successful lawyer in DC for a hot minute who had a real Alpha Business Guy vibe and looked a bit like a much taller Bruce Willis. He’d taken me to a romantic restaurant in Baltimore, where we’d had a great meal and were enjoying some wine. I was feeling slightly tipsy from mine and thoroughly enjoying his company, so in the middle of his work anecdote I gave him The Look. (You know what look I mean.) And this incredibly powerful, intimidating man actually blushed and got momentarily shy. That was such a heady experience, especially because it wasn’t long after my divorce and I was deep in rejection AND mommy mode and not at all confident in my desirability. One of the biggest power trips of my life.

[farmersliga]

i have less than one more hour of 2023 left, so i want to look back a bit. this year, i…

learned to be a little more independent

discovered how much i enjoyed casual walking, even though it’s always crazy hot here

had my student driver’s license expire because i didn’t finish my required hours of practical training and i was too scared to take the test anyway

got super close to some family members i didn’t talk to so much before

had a very public breakdown for the first time in a long time. also had problems with being overwhelmed more than usual

started seriously considering teaching as a career path because, in what was the kindest move ever by a teacher to me, my native german prof pulled me aside to say he thought i had a gift for it

went on a trip abroad with just my cousins and had a blast. then went on a trip abroad for uni and had even more of a blast

met up with four online friends. shoutout to irena, jade, clara, and cher for being the bestest most lovely people ever <3

discovered new hobbies like listening to cassette tapes and crocheting, the latter of which i was able to use to make tiny little plushies for all of the online friends i met this year

flew abroad four times, which is the most i’ve ever done in one year. i got to visit hong kong, taiwan, the usa, and germany!

speaking of germany, got to go there for the first time ever. it was amazing to be able to experience the place i’d only ever seen in textbooks. i have fond memories of being able to talk to shopkeepers in german now too. but i also came to the realization that there’s still so much more for me to learn. because i went there with only 1.5 years of studying the language, and i was half floundering

stayed with a host couple for a few days in germany and conversed with them almost solely in german. they ended up getting married later in the year and i’m so happy for them

had multiple direct experiences with racism while abroad, including being accused of theft?? which was sad but also funny in a depressing way

started studying italian from scratch and loved it. also accidentally started studying french from scratch and hated it

affirmed a lot of my personal values, mostly with regard to social situations

started seeing a psychologist on top of my psychiatrist sessions

got incredibly emotional hearing my national anthem played during a football world cup for the first time ever, then got even more emotional watching us win a match. when i first watched these girls, they’d almost gotten kicked out of the qualis for the asian cup that got them into the wwc in the first place. and now they’re stars. it’s beautiful to see

finally helped to start fixing a really bad family problem that i’d known about for a few years now that nobody was doing anything about

saw both taylor swift and fall out boy live in concert. these were my first concerts ever, too. and both these artists were my favorites from high school so it was super special to me

watched my first full tennis season and cemented my love for the sport along with it. also got significantly more involved with the tennis side of tumblr and met the loveliest people there

took my baby nieces to their first trip abroad just this christmas <3

and probably much more that i’m forgetting now. but it’s really been a good year, definitely the best i’ve had since the pandemic happened. i dealt with a lot of mental health issues as usual, but i also learned to cope with them in healthier ways. and being able to go out more this year (not just abroad, but outside in general) and talk to more people was a big plus

so i just want to say thank you to everyone who helped make this year a much happier one for me, and i hope you all stay in my life even in 2024!

[daddywright]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @samioli ! (late getting to it, happy holidays!)

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

44... so far :)) (not-so-secret: i actually have a second pseud for one-shots in very small, random fandoms, but i don't use it often.)

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

ah hah. 682,262. i didn't really publish much before the pandemic, but then suddenly all i ever wanted to do was write, and i found such a community online in different fandoms that i haven't really stopped since!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've published (written is a different story, haha) fic for a few fandoms: namely ace attorney, different sherlock holmes properties, witcher, dragon age, good omens (before the show), and most recently, metal gear!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

a badge of honor [ace attorney]

plumeria (new beginnings) [enola holmes]

pressure (pushing down on me) [ace attorney]

your heart is cold (but we will warm you) [the hobbit - the first Real Fic i ever published, when i was a kid]

if i woke up (next to you) [ace attorney]

flattering but not surprising that ace attorney is near the top, as far as kudoses go; i joined this fandom in 2020 and it's just EXPLODED since then. it's so cool getting into an older game series and being able to connect with a thriving online community <3

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I absolutely do! I miss one here and there, on occasion, but i try to say thanks as often as i can. i often return to the comment sections of my more popular fics on rough days when i'm convinced i'm the worst writer in existence kasd;jfalskfjf

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hm... while i tend to avoid endings that leave readers in pieces, i do enjoy some angst now and then. i wrote a one-shot about john watson reacting to holmes's death in OG sherlock holmes titled 'when good men go to war' that definitely deserved the 'major character death' tag, even if it's one of the most famous fake-out deaths in literature LMAO. i've also written canon compliant lanamia, which just hurts. and a miles edgeworth christmas fic, which is self-explanatory. i also wrote a fic for the animated film Klaus a while back that made me cry writing it, which i don't often do HAHA

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmm. 'if i woke up (next to you)' is the epitome of cheesy fix-it for narumitsu, but i think the end of 'pressure (pushing down on me)' was written at a time, for me, when i most desperately wanted to read about a happy ending-- the whole series is a fix-it, but pressure in particular dismantled phoenix's disbarment and brought back characters i missed/wanted more of in a way that was utterly self-indulgent, so for me, that's probably the happiest ending i've ever written. :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, thankfully. but i've gotten enough of unsolicited crit type comments to piss me off eternally-- though i've gotten better at deleting the ones that hurt rather than engaging. (I stopped writing a witcher fic i really liked because i got a comment that a chapter was boring, and it totally shattered me :///)

9. Do you write smut?

Sure! I have been known to enjoy and write explicit fics. I have an academic interest in sex and education about it, and I think some of the best character study fics in the entire universe are explicit. i also think the saddest fics i've ever read have also included explicit scenes, too.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have! I love a good, clever crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. (knocks on wood)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Most recently (published, that is), for pacific rim.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

OOF. well. i have several, of course. i'll always be attached to classic sherlock holmes x john watson. for fandoms i fell into recently, the bangers are narumitsu, taibani (tiger&bunny, aka narumitsu lite), and newly, otasune (metal gear solid) is THE Moment. the MOMENT, damn it, PLAY METAL GEAR SOLID. and then DM me @solid-snaked because i want to TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT.

some more well-known ships i haven't published fic for over the years but still love: leopika (hxh), kakairu (naruto... YEAH. NARUTO.), kaishin (dmck), and superbat (dc). also, i tend to really gravitate towards platonic/gen fic for different fandoms as well, almost if not more strongly than shipfic.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ooooh. toss up between 'call me through thunder' (dragon age), because honestly while i loved writing it, i liked the original writing ideas that came from it more than the actual fic elements and 'when the way is dark' (witcher), because of reasons listed above.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i would like to say my dialogue?? i suppose? i really like writing dialogue and specifically, the framing around dialogue-- i like writing body language and trying to describe facial expressions and tone shifts so that people can hear and see the scene i'm trying to write.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

ahh, i'm definitely guilty of writing intimate/emotional scenes at the cost of pacing, and of favoring tone accomplished by dialogue rather than immersion via setting (i'm bad at like. window dressing and connective tissue between scenes, i think)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

beyond my skillset, I'm afraid

19. First fandom you wrote for?

supernatural. mmhmm. i was a high school sam girlie. the first fic i ever read, also, was supernatural. destiel at age 13. life-ruiner. but i recovered.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

aaaa. overall, i'd say 'pressure' is a fic i'm quite proud of but it's the series overall that makes it my favorite as a writing and a community experience, one that got me through a really tough time in life. however, as far as my writing skill goes, i'm pretty proud of a fic i wrote on a time crunch for Holmestice, a sherlock holmes exchange, called 'the emerald circle', because i got to reference queer history in a way i really enjoyed while writing it.

feel free to pass along this prompt to yourself, fellow writers <3

[vanrocelin]

Favourite drarry fics (44)

Tender by _Melodic_ (Sae) [E, 3.1k]

Draco comes home, horny as hell, and makes use of a mysterious lube left by the bedside. Harry should really put his things away and Draco should definitely be more wary of lube without a proper label…but at the end of the day, neither of them can complain all that much.

Ten below and falling by agentmoppet [E, 8.5k]

In which a pandemic results in Harry being locked in the Astronomy tower with Malfoy while they struggle to find the cure.

Malfoy’s concern vanished in place of one of the biggest eye rolls Harry had ever seen. It looked painful. “I don’t know, Potter, maybe because I’ve been cursed to live in interesting times more than once in my life, and it’s leaving me with the unpleasant realisation that all we have in this world is—conceptually—each other.” He finished with a blank stare, pushing his fork around aimlessly.

“That’s all we really have, when you get down to it,” Harry pointed out, thinking of the two metre distance he was required to keep from people at all times. “Maybe that’s why this one hurt the most; it took that too.”

Release by Anonymous [E, 17.4k]

After serving two years in Azkaban, Draco is ready to finally live his life on his own terms. He gets a job at Borgin and Burkes, rents a crummy flat in Knockturn, and begins seeking out fit Muggles to shag.

Then one night Draco comes across a gorgeous man who’s tied himself up and stuck a message on the wall for any stranger to read: Free use. And what’s even better? The man resembles Harry Potter.

Amantes Visci by paigehawkins [E, 15.7k]

“So not to put an end to the fun but I believe you still owe me an explanation for that magical mistletoe,” Harry said at last remembering what he initially wanted to speak to Draco about.

“Oh believe me Potter the fun won’t end over that, quite the opposite really,” Draco replied waggling his eyebrows suggestively as he patted the space on the bed beside him, “come sit and I’ll tell you.”

Walking over Harry hesitated eyeing the empty space next to Draco. He’d never been this close to the Slytherin Prince, well without brawling that is. Sensing his unease Draco shifted until he hit the wall, he hoped Harry would sit beside him. He wanted him to.

“Relax Potter I don’t bite,” Draco teased patting the space again.

Harry raised a skeptical brow. “Really?”

Draco smirked, “not unless you want me to.”

-------------------------------------------------

It's Christmas Eve and Harry's planning to spend it with Andromeda and adorable 2 year old Teddy. He doesn't expect Draco Malfoy to be there too, playing the part of loving nephew and doting cousin. And what's with the magical mistletoe that seems to follow them around?

An Abstract Courtship by Anonymous [E, 9.3k]

Blaise looks at him for a moment, considering him with narrowed eyes, before he relents. “Alright, Potter, listen closely—”

“Blaise, you’ve been dating my best mate for nearly four years.” Harry interrupts, relaxing slightly in knowing that he is at least speaking with a friend. “I know you have a ring picked out for him. I think we are well past ‘Potter,’ don’t you?”

“In normal circumstances, I would agree. However, I am not speaking to you as a friend right now.”

“Uh…” Harry frowns. “You’re not?”

“No.” Blaise states matter-of-factly. “Because you, Potter, are a complete fucking idiot.”