#the other solution is to actually try to remember shit my mother tells me when she has me helping out

[mishkakagehishka]

If i end up inheriting this place, that poor garden's gonna go thru quite the ordeal until i get the hang of taking care of it

[kiwipineappleparasol]

oh Yeah I forgot I never Posted the rest of my Thoughts on the TTYD remake ... Whoops! These things happen I suppose. Since it’s almost OG TTYD’s NA release again, might as well post them now ! Spoilers below for the whole game and post game!

THE EXCESS EXPRESS IS SOOO PRETTY WITH THE NEW LIGHTING !!! I had to take so many screenshots. Especially at sunset or at night. And the MUSIC… The evening atmosphere in general is just soooo good. I would keep trying to get images of my partners sitting at the dining tables to little success.

I remember getting a taste of all the new poses before the remake came out with some comparison images but it's still so cool to me

I had Vivian out when I inspected the stains on the dining car floor and . Actually I'll just put the clip here . Beldam SUCKS (we knew this it's just being reiterated)

the Ghost T sequence looks awesome. The light of Heaven…. Of course I read his diary, and holy shit the glitching effects and stuff wasn't what I expected at all (can’t remember if they were in the og) but it really adds to the DEATH CURSE .

my mother asked why they'd bother to tie up Doopliss because he did nothing wrong . This is true Doopliss has never done anything wrong in his (after)life (joking statement)

Riverside station is soooo pretty….. Unclear how the sun is supposed to be going through the mountains like that though. Not like it matters when it looks so Cool and Wavy.

The inside of the station looks less run down than it did from my memory and moreso just old and abandoned, in a way that I like. It just feels so …empty in a good way.

When you're supposed to hit the Smorgs with your hammer, if you have any partner other than Goombella out and use the Partner Hint, she will tell you as much -- but if you have Flurrie out, Flurrie will instead tell you that, and that she can blow them away! Such a neat touch. They really thought of everything.

the scene of TEC shutting down … It just has such Drama to it. I didn't get to that part in my last playthrough so I can't compare it mentally but I liked it.

Slight Detour: to defeat Bonetail and save a kid’s dad ! Gotta wait for Frankly anyways right

Anyways! back on track . I forgot to write many notes for the last two chapters Unfortunately. Here’s what I got:

AWESOME SHOOTING TO THE MOON CUTSCENE

if you have Vivian out during the cutscene entering the X Naut fortress she's like "not this place again…" I love how she actually references being there before

LORD CRUMP'S STUPID EVIL LAUGH POSE is so good . I love all the new poses so much and I don't think he had it in the original? But idk . He literally only has it for like. Two seconds. But either they thought it was so important and I respect it.

he sucks up the audience with his .. um. his. why is the vacuum coming out from between Magnus Von Grapple's legs.

The scene of the Thousand Year Door opening was so sick I had to watch it multiple times . The crystal stars look so awesome here, and the presence the door has … The way it cracks and opens to this swirling darkness… Awesome.

We get to finally give Beldam a taste of her medicine, or as Vivian said "it's her turn to get punished" … Sad to see Doopliss get duped in this nonsense. In the tattle log it said Beldam specifically sought him out … Definitely after he ran by them crying after Chapter 4 . Beldam loves targeting people she thinks are weak! How likeable. She is directly called abusive by Goombella in Doopliss' tattle -- not that it isn't obvious but you know, happy to see it called what it is.

There's another puzzle moment where you could use either Koops or Yoshi Kid -- you're expected to use Koops but if you have Yoshi Kid out he'll say as much. So cool. I loooove accounting for multiple solutions.

when Grodus said the world is mine. Well. I had to laugh. Someone show him Miku. Also when he got INCINERATED BY THE SHADOW QUEEN. That moment has always been so funny to me. He's so fucking stupid did he think the demon would actually listen to him. That's what he gets for trying to kill Lord Crump off LMAO. also for what he did to TEC I Guess 🙄

THE HANDS CRAWLING ACROSS THE LAND . LETS GO

The epilogue of Goombella visiting everyone has always been sweet, showing that while direct interactions between everyone weren't really shown, they did become friends -- but they all had their own lives before this. So they take their new inspirations they gained on their adventure with Mario to continue on new paths and all.

PAUSE! welcome to my STORY CRITIQUE SECTION! (Yes, I can criticize my favorite video game of all time. These problems were in the original however so it's not a remake thing.)

Listen we love Goombella threatening Beldam to never hurt Vivian again but Vivian deserved an ending outside of her life with her sisters. Yes, it's in character for her to want a happy ending with them but c'mon. Noone deserves to stick around Beldam. If you asked me I would have changed her ending with her reconciling with Marilyn and Doopliss but not Beldam because those two were also victims of Beldam -- and Doopliss literally replaced her as the scapegoat lmao. They have so much to talk about. I think that's my one critique with Vivian's storyline. Grubba never showed his face again; Beldam didn't have to either.

I can absolutely believe that Grodus ditched the full on evil act though. I mean. He's just a head now. And now he has to have his minions carry him everywhere. Plus getting incinerated at the apex of his World Conquest Plan probably killed off his motivation. He's so pathetic now. Definitely still a bad person but what is he going to do about it. Beldam however suffered no such consequences aside from … I guess getting beat up in the Palace of Shadow once? Which is unfortunate and she doesn't deserve any forgiveness from… Literally anyone. So I don't see why she would ditch being an Asshole -- especially considering unlike Grodus, the shadow queen actually respects Beldam. Beldam should feel more robbed because this was her victory that Mario & Co took from her. But I guess they just wanted to give everyone a happy ending -- I just don't think any ending with Beldam in it is happy for anyone involved.

OK BACK TO SHAMELESS GUSHING!

THE CREDIT SEQUENCE ANIMATIONS ARE SO CUTE!!! THEY MADE THE CREDITS SEQUENCE ALL ANIMATED IN THE REMAKE FOR ME!! IT IS SO . FUCKING GOOD. AND ALL THE IMAGES IN THE BACKGROUND ARE ACTUALLY UNIQUE FROM RHE GAMEPLAY??? THEY HAVE MULTIPLE PARTNERS AND UNIQUE PERSPECTIVES AND HUHHH?? THEY MADE THIS SO COOL??? I need to rewatch it because there's so many segments I love . A complete and total upgrade from the original and so much more in line with the charm from the Original Paper Mario's credit sequence . We loveeee you people who made the remake credit sequence you did this for meeee

THE REDONE PAPER MARIO 64 THEME WHEN YOU TALK TO BOW !!! I love it I listened to it in the music player a bunch … Also her and Bootlers new poses are great.

The Prince Mush fight is actually a perfect extra hard boss that takes advantage of the unique battle mechanics and I absolutely love it. Like, adding an optional boss to the remake that has to be defeated by superguarding is such a great way to put a mechanic not everyone will be using to the forefront, and that naturally makes this boss difficult until you master it. I know I failed several times, but I also had the unsimplifier badge on… Once I took that off I won without even needing to heal. Felt so cool.

The New secret fight in the Pit of Hundred Trials was also really neat ! I think I cheesed it a bit using Vivian's Veil, but the amount of damage he can rack up is crazy . Took out multiple of my partners, but I ultimately beat it the first time without even using my healing items. I still need to find out what trial stew does…

And with that, I had gotten every tattle, recipe, badge, and completed every trouble (my final trouble was removing the graffiti in the Pit of a Hundred trials, did that on the way to that secret fight you get after you had beat the pit once and some other requirements)

In Conclusion: I FUCKING LOVE TTYD !! still can’t believe this is real just reading back through my notes and looking at my screenshots, it feels like a dream. I’m so glad I got to experience this.

[thatgayash]

I'm hoping venting here is ok. I was 12 and I met them I befriended them because I felt different for a character it's fnaf and barely anyone understood me so I wanted to be close our relationship wasn't great he was very obsessive with the idea of fame it was gross pre-say constantly pushing me to give him shoutouts and find ways to make him more subsbers and fame in the end, moving on to early 13 after 12 if I say which he'll target me he's trying to make it look like he was innocent after someone explained to him I was correct and Its ok to have 'opinions' on fandoms. Basically it was a video fnaf I was trying to suggestions on what to change or include the character I thought of came up he called me dumb lots of other stuff I have a mental disability for reference he's aware said by himself due to the slurs most in community tab which he deleted to prove he's innocent which is just gross. Basically I made a few reply videos saying what's happening I explained it was harassment and then he was trying to prove I was harassing him ofc he didn't have prove claimed I didn't my proof is his channel I was a kid expressing myself and again I made gacha videos during the time so my storage was sorta always full I was one of those kids who took indiviual screenshots to make YouTube videos I know it's weird I have a better solution now but again I was a kid almost 13 during the time or was not sure. Basically he used my face a minor and asked people to talk to me having many people threaten me based off stuff he knew wasn't true he photoshopped stuff which most of it is deleted right now because yes he's trying to look innocent I remember a specific video he called my mom sexists slurs because I told her and threatened me when he found out she was actually a mother it's honestly disgusting but truth he got multiple friends who were female to prove I was lying ofc he lost most of them after they found out but still, turn down to now he had people attack me a lot I was very open about mental health I know he's aware because he openly admitted to stalking my socials so I'd stay quiet on him and "exposed" my vents and made sure if I ever told my friend people would publicly mock me so I couldn't feel safe he gave me PTSD and I self harm so tbh I'd love to hear him prove he's the one in pain especially when he mocks me constantly publicly still dose. I death threat him it's not good but tbh I was reporting roleplaying with my friend and that's why I felt better YouTube tells viewers to report content. If you recognize this post be aware he's trying to make me delete my accounts so it looks like I'm obsessed it's gross but tbh true also pretending to be me and acting stereotypically how he claimed I'm like in his videos so it's very obvious but just letting everyone know his user is DallenNye

Holy shit

I’m so so SO sorry to hear that love :(

Yes venting is okay

Let me know if anything happens <3

and btw you sent this ask two times lol

[fansnails]

What helps you break from sameface syndrome in art?

i know ive heard the phrase but i honestly dont think ive ever actually took at that seriously or cared about it all. The only time i remember thinking about it was getting the compliment that was like "its like you have the opposite of same face syndrome" and i still didnt really get it. So sorry if this is a long response that doesnt help at all but ur getting my essay because this stuff bothers me.

first time i saw it used in a way i think makes sense was back when i saw the frozen critique thing going around tumblr. They literally have the same face as each other, the main characters, and as their mother, but male characters NEVER have this issue, in the SAME media(show, movie, w/e). My solution to that is just simply...stop designing your women the same. If you need to, design a male char and then sex bend it trying to change as little as possible and see if that helps you notice how ur accidentally limiting yourself for your women. Most of the time the problem isnt "same face", its that we dont give women the same depth of expression and variety of design. whole other essay but yeah...

In that similar vein. Same face feels like a...way to avoid calling it sexism to me in the art. It then is used by all artists to just find a way to shit on art styles without actually providing useful critique. "Same face" is actually quite beloved and marketable.

Simplistic designs could be called "same face" which belittles the fact that designing minimalistic and aesthetically pleasing designs is quite difficult. These designs are distinct, recognizable, and very beloved. They are cute and nice to look at! These are actually so well designed i hesitate to call them same face but i wanna try and show the "two dot eyes and a mouth and dot nose" could be called same face. But with limited elements, each face is actually clearly distinct. Even the twin guys lala and kiki, (altho if u make them both smile and they wouldnt be but u get it)

Another minimalistic design that relies heavily on minute differences in the face(as well as other elements of the design) to distinguish them.

i like these examples because perhaps the average tumblrina might agree that everyone thinks sanrio looks good, and might say they dislike homestucks style, but they use similar design rules.

here is another example of a style some might just consider ugly or lacking skill(im a personal fan and dont agree but hopefully u get what i mean). A distinct part of his style is making every character have distinct eyes. probably for the same reason i find mobpsycho 100 and homestuck styles charming and pleasing, they cannot be accused of sameface(atleast not to me ill come for you LOL). This may be a kind of fundamental reason i dont struggle with it, im a particular fan of this method of design. It just is a part i focus on. it was never a concious choice i made as an artist.

Some artists find different elements pleasing or enjoyable to draw, and same face is actually quite beloved(and marketable) its not the end all be all design rule is my point... examples of beloved styles where its quite easy to switch the faces around and it may become difficult to tell it has occurred.

heres another style people consider ugly but doesn't have same face(again, im a fan, so it really might just be a thing i like in art, also yes the women are more similar but this rule does still apply to his women...just with much less variation :\ see again my original "same face obscures sexist design choices" point)

so yeah TL;DR i dont believe in same face as a fundamental design flaw, you should draw whatever you like and improve things you are personally dissatisfied with.

TL;DR 2 (ACTUALLY ANSWERING THE QUESTION) "i want more variation in faces when i design" treat eyes, noses, lips, forehead height, face shape, chin, eyebrows, eyes, hair coverage, moles, freckles, dimples, cheek bones...(and whatever else you can think of) as all different elements and include more variation of them. experiment.

im not a professional i am self taught and just some lady these are just my observations and opinions.

[van-oskuro]

How I would change the ending of XC3.

Mainly by changing the character of Z.

Everything else goes like the actual story, until they meet with Z. ‘So you have arrived’ Z says standing up to greet the Ouroboros. ‘You have overcome enemy after enemy, obstacle after obstacle, even your own reflections. And now, Sir Noah and Princess Mio (Mio looks startled at him calling her that), Origin is yours to command.’ The Ouroboros along with Monica and Ghondor look at each other confused. ‘What the snuff mate?’ Asks Lanz. ‘Aren’t you supposed to keep us from activating Origin.’

‘Why should I,’ answers Z. ‘The necessary preparations have been completed and required fuel has been produced. All that is needed is for Mio and Noah to activate it.’

Z notices the heroes’ continued confusion, ‘Perhaps it is best I explain.’

‘We know all that’s needed to know about you.’ Mio says.

‘All you know is the persona that I selected to portray before N and M. You do not know me at all’

‘Why should we listen to you’ asks Taion.

‘Because there is doubt in your minds.’ Z explains. ‘I am an AI, a program created in both Keves and Agnus to operate and maintain Origin, made by Melia and Nia, the ones you refer to as queens.’

‘That’s impossible,’ Mio tries to interject, pointing out that neither queen told them of this.

Z tells her, ‘You mother and Melia never suspected that I would be capable of this level of cognition and deluded themselves into seeing me to as a different being entirely from what they had created, as I was not what they intended.’ Seeing Mio’s surprise to him referring to Nia as her mother he hads, ‘She never told you? So she now views you as only a tool. My condolences.’

At this point Ghondor interjects, ‘Oye! Who gives a shit about all this!? It’s obviously bull. C’mon, Mio is the princess of Agnus, who’d buy that?’

The others are not so quick to dismiss, as the similarities between Mio and Nia are very apparent, especially their core crystals. Taion then asks why Z had done all this.

Z replies that during the merge of the two worlds, Origin lacked the power to merge then fully safe. He tried to warn Melia and Nia, but they dismissed it as him malfunctioning. So, he took the only course he saw he could do. Create the time stopped world of Aionios and try and create more power to finish his programing. He originally tried to achieve this with the flame clocks, but it became apparent that they were not going to be enough. But a new solution arose when the founders of the City came about. Using the war to now fuel the Lost Numbers and other city dwellers to rise and populate, Origin can now use them to power itself.

Ghondor and Monica are then detained and captured in tubes, with Gilgamesh being hacked to imprison the city’s denizens and bring them to be fuel for Origin. Z then tells the Ouroboros that he had another epiphany during his time in Aionos, Melia and Nia are not fit to be the rulers of the new world. Eunie asks if Z will be its ruler, but Z replies that after Origin is finished, he will deactivate having fulfilled his function. Instead, Noah and Mio will be the chosen rulers as they have proven themselves over their various incarnations. All they have to do is sacrifice the people of the City, and Aionos will be no more. Origin will activate and Z’s function will come to an end.

Noah and Mio of course reject the idea of sacrificing so many innocents, even if it is for their own and the other kevesians and agnusians’ benefits. Z counters this, saying that they wouldn’t remember. Besides, even if they could find an alternate source of power, the city denizens would be erased regardless by origin’s activation. Noah refuses to accept this, and attacks, triggering the boss fight. After the two stage boss fight, Z is deleted and the queens arrive on origin. They are told of the situation, and the queens are considering using Z’s plan. Mio, disgusted by this, slaps Nia, much to the shock of everyone. ‘I am ashamed to be your daughter,’ she tells Nia. The genuine hurt in Nia’s face proves to everyone that Mio is indeed her daughter, making the characters wonder if everything Z said was true.

At this point I would have two endings, as one ending requires the dlc that came in wave 2. The first ending is Ghondor activating Origin without anyone’s consent, sacrificing herself and the rest of the City to power Origin. She tries to justify this by saying the ouroboros won’t remember. The at the end credits, the reborn Noah looks into the sky. ‘You’re wrong’ he says.

My second ending which I consider the TRUE ending is after completing all missions and unlocking the world of Nopon archsage. After reaching a certain point, the archsage will give Noah an item that can transport a large number of people into his realm outside of time and space. After the battle with Z, Taion comes up with the idea of using Gilgamesh along with the various other ferronis mechs to power Origin. Noah then gives Monica the item to transport the city into the archsage’s realm, protecting them from Origin’s rewrite. Origin activates, then end credits with the same scene of reborn Noah looking up, but now the City appears then takes off into the sky as he smiles.

[liminal-lover]

I'm hoping venting here is ok. I was 12 and I met them I befriended them because I felt different for a character it's fnaf and barely anyone understood me so I wanted to be close our relationship wasn't great he was very obsessive with the idea of fame it was gross pre-say constantly pushing me to give him shoutouts and find ways to make him more subsbers and fame in the end, moving on to early 13 after 12 if I say which he'll target me he's trying to make it look like he was innocent after someone explained to him I was correct and Its ok to have 'opinions' on fandoms. Basically it was a video fnaf I was trying to suggestions on what to change or include the character I thought of came up he called me dumb lots of other stuff I have a mental disability for reference he's aware said by himself due to the slurs most in community tab which he deleted to prove he's innocent which is just gross. Basically I made a few reply videos saying what's happening I explained it was harassment and then he was trying to prove I was harassing him ofc he didn't have prove claimed I didn't my proof is his channel I was a kid expressing myself and again I made gacha videos during the time so my storage was sorta always full I was one of those kids who took indiviual screenshots to make YouTube videos I know it's weird I have a better solution now but again I was a kid almost 13 during the time or was not sure. Basically he used my face a minor and asked people to talk to me having many people threaten me based off stuff he knew wasn't true he photoshopped stuff which most of it is deleted right now because yes he's trying to look innocent I remember a specific video he called my mom sexists slurs because I told her and threatened me when he found out she was actually a mother it's honestly disgusting but truth he got multiple friends who were female to prove I was lying ofc he lost most of them after they found out but still, turn down to now he had people attack me a lot I was very open about mental health I know he's aware because he openly admitted to stalking my socials so I'd stay quiet on him and "exposed" my vents and made sure if I ever told my friend people would publicly mock me so I couldn't feel safe he gave me PTSD and I self harm so tbh I'd love to hear him prove he's the one in pain especially when he mocks me constantly publicly still dose. I death threat him it's not good but tbh I was reporting roleplaying with my friend and that's why I felt better YouTube tells viewers to report content. If you recognize this post be aware he's trying to make me delete my accounts so it looks like I'm obsessed it's gross but tbh true also pretending to be me and acting stereotypically how he claimed I'm like in his videos so it's very obvious but just letting everyone know his user is DallenNye

Venting here is totally okay. That's mainly what this blog is for, and I encourage anyone to vent here!

Holy shit I'm so sorry about that. What he did seriously isn't okay. I disagree with him on so many levels. He is a walking red flag.

Your opinions matter, and you can express them.

He shouldn't have forced you to do anything, especially if you're uncomfortable with it.

Him saying slurs and treating your mom, you, and others like shit is fucked up. I really hope he learns what the fuck being an actual nice human being is so he can become one.

[iamshay]

The Importance of Respecting Your Parents

Anyone who doesn't respect their parents is a piece of shit. Regardless of how much shit your parents give you, they are your parents. I have gotten so much shit from both parents growing up. That is not shit; that is called tough love. You will understand when you get off your high horse and experience more shit in your life. When you are more grown, you will understand why your parents were so tough on you. I didn't have a perfect childhood. I was born into war and saw things a child should never see. I had many siblings, and they were tougher on me. I obeyed everything, but they were still tough on me. And I turned out amazing.

You are the way you are because you come from a broken home, and it's not your fault. But that doesn't mean or give you the right to disrespect your parents. It's not always your parents' fault. It's life choices when you are in your adult life. Your behavior is on you. As an adult in your 20s, you should know better. You are not a child of 6 or 7 years old. In your 20s, you should know what right and wrong mean. Blaming your parents always just shows whose fault it is. I don't blame your parents for giving up on you. They are also human beings and will reach their breaking point. They also try their best to raise you, and when you don't respect them and listen to them, it's disheartening.

If your parents give you tough love and tell you not to do or say something, you should respect them. They've been around longer than you, dumbass. Religion or not, paradise lies under your parents' feet. If you disrespect them, you will never smell paradise.

You will not always have your parents around. Whatever the issue might be, link up and find a solution. Be the bigger person and find tolerance so that one day you can tell God that you tried your best, and God will not hold you accountable. No parent wants to hurt their child, except monstrous ones. I avoid people who talk smack about their sister, mother, or father, which is the main reason I am not friends with them. Me and one of my sisters are not on good terms, but I am not walking around online talking smack about her. We still have mutual respect. When we meet, we say hi and bye. We just keep things cool out of respect for our mother.

The fact that I see so many people online blaming their actions and behavior on their parents is surprising. It's the main reason your father or mother left. I would disown my child if they behaved in such a bad manner. Your mother didn't carry you for months just for you to bring shame to the family. When your parents have principles, and you tarnish your family name by acting out online or in real life, it's a serious issue. When you become a parent, you will understand. I understand because I grew up helping to raise my nieces and nephews.

I might not have given breast milk, and neither did their mother, except for the first niece. None of the others were breastfed. But I did everything their mother did: gave them baths, changed diapers, fed them, put them to bed, helped them learn new words, etc. I witnessed how demanding children can be. So, I got a taste of motherhood already, especially considering the way I was raised. I was not a handful child. I was actually quite easy and quiet, and I still am unless someone provokes me. That’s one thing my dad loved more than anything: he knew my boundaries. So, whenever my sisters tried to blame things on me, my dad simply said, “Shay would never do that unless you provoked her first, she’s the quiet one.” He never took sides and would yell at me too if needed. He kept things super fair. He knew everyone’s boundaries and was not easily fooled. He was the boss and the man in the house.

So next time you blame your behavior on your parents or the absence of a father figure, remember there are always two sides to the story. Maybe your mother hasn’t told you the full story. You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Why you complain about. In other country people have no food or both parents because they lost their in war. You the luckiest had everything handed to u. YET you still bitching?

xo.

Shay

[darkenedreaper]

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader, Avengers x Reader

Featuring: GoTG, Peggy Carter

Warnings: Angst, sad I suppose

Summary: 2 years after her death, your struggling even more. And it’s killing the team to keep their secret. (I changed Endgame because I can. Come at me. I might make it into chapters.)

Masterlist

‘It can’t be undone’ she said

*2 years ago*

You had gone through years with her. Years with the Avengers and the Guardians of the Galaxy. You had gone through love with her. You had gone through the 5 years with her. You had gone to Vormir with her. Yet you had won the final fight without her.

When you all came back from the time travel success you had to try and keep yourself from collapsing. You saw the others standing with smiles on their faces but all you saw was her. Her lips and eyes pleading you to let her go. Her body descending forever. And her sprawled out onto the floor, a pool of blood surrounding her head confirming Natasha Romanoff no longer wondered the earth.

“Are you telling me this actually worked?” Rhodey questioned, followed by Thor’s wheezy laugh. Their faces became confused when they heard a long bang. You have dropped down onto your knees, stone in hand and body wet from wherever you had been teleported to after she had sacrificed herself.

“Y/n where’s Nat?” The big green guy said. Your eyes were stuck in front of you. A sorrowful look on your face. You couldn’t even move. You couldn’t speak. You could’ve all been there for hours or seconds. But Steve lifted you up by your arms and tried to read your expression. With the help of Nebula you were taken to your bedroom you shared with Natasha. The both of them tried to gently take you to the bed but instead you walked shakily to the bathroom and shut the door. Of course Steve was upset. He had a lost a part of his family. He had shed tears while he walked with you. He could only imagine what the scene must’ve been for yourself. The unspoken news of his friends death was indescribable, but having to be there in an unimaginable situation would’ve been even harder. And he understood that. Nebula grieved, she barely knew the woman. But she grieved. She saw the distraught and pain on your face and in your eyes. She placed her hand on Steve’s shoulder and took him out of your room.

In the bathroom you had caged yourself into. You had your hand gripped to the sink. Your eyes trained to the sink bowl. Your eyes drifted to the left for you where her makeup and hairbrush had been layed out this morning. You took a step back, nervously clasping your hands together. You tried to calm down before someone got hurt. You looked down at your hands and you were maintaining some level of sanity before you remembered that your hand had let her go. If anyone would walk past your bedroom door, they were bound to hear glass smashing and screams and words of anguish.

You didn’t speak to anyone. You completely shut yourself down. The only reason you spoke to someone was to communicate over the earpiece when you were fighting. There was a short debate over the coms as to who was going to steal the stones from Thanos. You nearly went into a fit of rage and upset before Carol ordered you to look into her eyes. Your excuse to use the stones was so you could be with her again. When Tony clicked his fingers the enemy became dust, and the world became a little more louder and a bit more lighter. The battlefield was filled with new and old faces. Tony’s snap had been so powerful he was able to bring back the people that mattered the most to those around him. Steve had Peggy in his tired arms. Clint had Laura and his children. Wanda had Vision. Quill had Gamora. Thor had his mother and brother back. Tony had Pepper. He was unharmed and Bruce’s arm had healed. Everyone had someone. You had someone. You had your whole family. But your special someone was Natasha. You had never felt so lost. Natasha would be holding you, you holding her. She would tuck your head into her shoulder while letting your arms envelope around her. But all you got were sad looks.

Some of the ‘newbies’ had questioned their closest. After a lot of loud whispering, there was silence. The battlefield was silent in memory of Natasha. The only noises were the hundreds of sniffles and sobs of those who had the news broken to them. The dying fires crackling. The next minute footsteps were approaching you. You had internally begged for it to be Natasha. But you looked up to see a short boy. His suit red and blue with a spider on it. His brown curly hair was tinted with grey. His teary eyes gave you the saddest smile before and steadily put his arms around your shoulders. You accepted the young boys embrace. You were thankful for it.

The news were around the place as quick as they could’ve been. Pictures were taken. Statements were took. The public had tried to surround the heroes but were pushed away by the helping police. It has been released to the enormous crowd that one of the most heroic heroes had died. The crowds became distraught. They sounded like how you felt inside. They tried to surround you and shout out their condolences but you kept walking. Where to? Who knows.

*2 years later/present time*

You spoke to no one. You spoke out in bursts of anger. Anger if someone tried to tell you to come away from your desk and to stop working and trying to find a way. Peggy, Steve’s wife, had became close to you. She understood how it felt to lose a loved one. She understood she wasn’t Natasha. She understood why you were working yourself so hard. She would never judge you, if you looked all disheveled or smelt from not taking a shower. She encouraged you to do your best, but she never pushed you. 2 years ago, you found a solution to stop Thanos. 2 years ago you lost her. 2 years ago Steve returned the stones. You haven’t been able to go through any videos or voice messages of her. Just a photo that you have framed. There were and still are memorials for her, but you would never attend any.

You had only cried to yourself. But right now you were on the edge of having a definite breakdown. Tony and the whole team of Avengers, Wakanda, GotG and Carol had wanted to check in as you had been back to Vormir. Which you greatly regret. Scott had made an extra time travel refill for you. All you were told by red skull was a ‘soul for a soul’. You argued with a ghost. You lashed out a ghost. You didn’t dare look to the edge. Knowing you would either throw yourself of or cry so much you wouldn’t be able to move.

They all met you at the Compound. At the platform that sat on top on the lake.

Steve and Peggy. Tony and Pepper. Rhodes. Bucky and Sam. Clint and Laura. Thor and Loki. Bruce. The Guardians were there. Rocket was by your side. Peter was there with Happy. Carol was at the edge of the platform. Wanda and Vision. And the rest were all there. You had your back turned to them. You were silent trying to understand why they all had such guilty faces, except Thor. They all had a secret. One they had agreed to not tell you, for fear it may completely break you. But they decided enough was enough. They had to tell you.

“Look we need to get her back to stop this shit with the Avengers get it together.” Thor spat at Steve, as he still saw him as the Captain.

“Can’t get her back.” You spoke up, causing everyone’s attention on the two of you.

“Wh..wha..what are you..?” Thor mumbled out.

“It can’t be undone. It can’t.” You said quietly looking at him from over your shoulder.

He laughed at your words before saying, “Look.. I, I’m sorry but your a very earthly being okay, we’re talking about space magic and can’t seems very definitive. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah look I know that I’m way outside my.. my paid rate here. But she still isn’t here is she?” You said. Tony took of his sunglasses, getting upset.

“Yeah well that’s my point.” Thor said in a hushed manner.

“It can’t.. be undone.” Your voice cracking, your tears had crawled their way down your face now. “Or that’s at least what the red floating guy had to say. Maybe you wanna go talk to him. Ok, go grab your hammer and you go find him you talk to him!” You yelled at him. He looked down to the floor. You shouldn’t be angry with him. He missed Natasha. But you couldn’t help it.

“It was supposed to be me.” You admitted with a breaking voice. Bucky let a tear fall freely from his eye. “She sacrificed her life for that goddamn stone, she bet her life on it.” You started to breakdown in the middle of everyone. Angry at how she could’ve died for nothing. How it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Even Wanda began to breakdown. She felt your pain from far away. Your longing. And your grieving. Rockets fur was wet as he was upset just like everyone else.

He couldn’t take it anymore. The lies. Not the acting. But the lies. Clint stood up and said, “Y/n we’ve been lying to you. Natasha is here. She’s perfectly fine. She’s alive. You just can’t see her.” No one else bothered to look up as he said what was needed to be said. You slowly turned around to him. “What?” Was all you could choke out. Steve stood up and walked towards you before keeping a distance. “When I returned the stone. He told me that we could all get her back, after all it was a soul for a soul. But the one who travelled there has been cursed. You can’t see or hear her and I don’t know if you ever will. But she’s alive.”

You took time to observe his words.

She was standing in front of you. Her arms crossed but her eyes were stuck on your face that was wet from the tears you had cried. Your eyes brows moving in a sorrowful way. She wasn’t crying for herself no. She cried for you. For your pain. She had never seen you so upset. And because she had been with you ever since she got back, she’s had to watch you cry almost every day.

Natasha wishes you could see her. She has been next to you this whole time. She was gone a few hours and then she was back. She couldn’t find you and instead ran into Sam who held her tightly. Instead she sped off to Tony’s cabin where she found Bucky and Steve, who explained everything.

She wishes you could hear how proud she is of you. She wishes you didn’t have to see you break yourself and live in your mental anguish. It hurt her. Every night you fell asleep at your desk, she would drape a blanket over you, and almost cry at your confused state in the morning of who had been to your office and covered you.

She wishes you hadn’t been traumatised by her silly yet heroic actions. She wishes she could tell you how much she loves you and how she wants to be held by you and she wants you to be able to hear her words, “I love you.” The others heard it. But they didn’t dare tell you.

She was determined to get her words to you. If not by speaking to you then by page. Determined to prove that she was with you all of this time. She wants to tell you how much she loves you.

She wishes there was a way.

If you would like a part 2, let me know.

[latetaektalk]

(he)art thief | jjk [i, preview]

“jungkook is charming, kind, smart, and funny. jungkook is the guy to fall in love with. he is perfect in every sense, except that he is also a member of a notorious heist group and only getting close to you to steal from you. but what does he do when he starts to fall for you? who does he choose? his brothers or you?

genre: heist! AU, thief! jungkook, art curator daughter! oc, ocean’s! AU, fluff, angst, sexual themes/implied smut (in later chapters)

pairing: jungkook x female reader

estimated word count: 35 to 40k

warnings: cursing/swearing, a bit of alcohol consumption

a/n: this is loosely based off the ocean’s film! to be added to the taglist, shoot me an ask/message! also, gureum is jungkook’s dog! and thank you to movie club for helping me come up with this amazing title!!

coming sunday, may 30th 2021  

Jungkook avoids playgrounds.

Does so because when he was at the tender age of just seven, he fell off a swing. He ended up in the hospital (his first but not last visit); seven stitches, his mother told him, but he could swear it was a million.

Needless to say, Jungkook has been avoiding playgrounds like the plague ever since.

But here he is, in the middle of one, dog leash in his hand, and heart pounding in his chest so violently it might just explode.

A mob of boys runs past him, all of them no older than six—which means that, for the most part at least, they’re harmless—but still, Jungkook flinches. It’s embarrassing, even more so because Gureum turns and stares at him. If one of them should flinch, it should be Gureum, with him being a dog and Jungkook a full grown adult, but God, today is just not his day. He’s stressed! Out of it! Nervous! A wreck-

“Did you just flinch?”

Jungkook feels his heart drop. Fuck, he thought he walked out of sight!

“No, I didn’t, Tae,” he hisses, pressing the earpiece further into his ear.

“You flinched! We can still see you- ah, okay, not anymore. But we saw that-”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I definitely did not flinch-”

“Denying it is pointless. We all saw it. Back me up here, Jimin.”

“You definitely flinched.”

Jungkook stops dead in his tracks, is about to walk back to the car and tell them that they must be hallucinating because he definitely did not flinch when-

“Can you see her already, Kook?” Namjoon asks and for a moment, Jungkook forgot why he is here, you.

He looks around himself, and it doesn’t take him long to find you, sitting on a bench, under a big tree, soft shadows dancing on your skin.

“Yeah, I-I see her,” Jungkook says under his breath.

“Okay, good. I’m gonna need you to focus up then,” Namjoon continues, and Jungkook nods like Namjoon could see him.

“Yeah, if you screw this up, it’s your fault if we end up in jail-”

“Tae!” Namjoon warns, and judging from the ‘ow’ that follows, someone punched him. Jungkook’s guess is Jimin.

“What? I’m just saying-”

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you come,” Namjoon mumbles and runs a hand down his face. “Hey, Kook, don’t listen to Tae, yeah? He’s just messing with you.”

“Yeah… I know,” Jungkook mutters, and he means it. He really does know that Taehyung is messing with him, but there’s a part of him that takes it to heart, that is worried sick about how he’s going to fuck this up and be the reason for why they all end up in jail.

“Don’t worry, Kook,” Jimin cuts in, taking the phone from Namjoon. “We’ve got your back. All you have to do is repeat after me, say what I say. You’ve got this. Remember what I taught you?”

“Always smile and laugh and never talk about yourself. Keep the conversation about the other person because people love talking about themselves,” Jungkook repeats, and looks at you again, heart heavy in his chest.

He shouldn’t feel like this, wishes he wouldn’t. But he can’t help it. This isn’t how he imagined he’d meet you. Jungkook thought he’d meet you at some fancy event, sipping expensive champagne, or at some luxury clothing store maxing out your parents’ credit card—after all, your mother is a world famous art curator. But instead you spend your time at playgrounds, babysitting.

There’s actually no reason for Jungkook to be this nervous. Jimin did practise with him this exact scenario, but he can’t help but think that with a flute in his hands and some alcohol buzzing through his system, he’d feel more comfortable. But here he is, in the middle of a sea of children.

“Kook, do you copy?”

“What? Sorry, I wasn’t…” Jungkook pauses. He shouldn’t admit that he wasn’t listening.

“Get your head in the game, please,” Namjoon tells him over the earpiece.

“Sorry, you’re right. I’m here,” Jungkook says and starts to walk again even though he still feels fucking lost as a goddamn adult at a playground. Gureum follows him when he tugs on the dog leash.

“Okay, good. Just- just try your best,” Namjoon says, voice a bit muffled. “You’ve got this.”

Jungkook could swear that there’s a waiver to his words.

“Don’t worry. We’re here,” Taehyung tells him before Jungkook can think about it too much, distracting him from the quiver he heard.

He stops behind a tree, close enough for Gureum to spot you, but not close enough for you to spot them. His knees crack when he kneels down to stroke Gureum’s ear.

“Hey, Gureum? I’m gonna unleash you in a second and then I’m gonna need you to run towards,” Jungkook points as discreetly as possible to you, “her, yeah? Just like we practised? Remember? Remember how you ran towards Seok and Yoongi? Do it exactly like that again, okay? If you do, I’ll get you your favourite treat.”

Gureum doesn’t run away instantly when Jungkook unclips him because he’s trained, but when he points at you and whistles, he’s gone.

You react surprisingly calm to a dog barreling towards you, barely flinching. You lean down and greet Gureum.

“Approaching target now,” Jungkook mumbles quietly and can only faintly register how Namjoon tells Taehyung to be quiet from now on, all of his attention on the mission now.

With the leash in his hand, Jungkook jogs towards you, heaving extra hard to sell the act of a dog-owner-who-has-been-chasing-his-dog-for-the-last-ten-minutes to you.

You look up to him when he stops in front of you, eyeing him. Jungkook stands there, bend over, his hands on his knees, breathing like he’s struggling to catch his breath.

“Uh…. hi,” you start, brows pinched together.

Jungkook puts on his most charming smile, ignoring his thumping heart to the best of his abilities.

“Hi.”

“Oh, we’re starting- okay, showtime: I’m sorry, are you okay? My dog- he just ran and I couldn’t stop him. I’m so sorry,” Jimin says in his ear.

“I-I’m so sorry.” There’s a quiver to Jungkook’s voice, and it isn’t on purpose. “Are you okay? He just ran and I-”

“It’s fine,” you tell him with a small smile, still petting Gureum who has clearly taken a liking to you. During practise with Seokjin and Yoongi, Gureum always ran back to Jungkook, but now he’s staying at your feet, relishing in your pets. “Is that your dog?”

“Yes, yes, it is. I’m so sorry. I just unleashed him for a second, but then he ran away and I couldn’t catch up with him. Are you okay?”

“Yes, and I’m so sorry. I just unleashed him for a moment, thinking it was okay, but-”

“Can you prove it?” you interrupt and Jungkook pauses. “I mean that it’s your dog. It’s just that he isn’t really reacting to you, you know?”

Jimin’s response comes a bit late. “Oh, yes, I can. His name’s Gureum and he is- what’s the breed of your dog again? I don’t remember. If you look at his collar, you’ll see I’m telling the truth.”

“Oh, yeah, I can,” Jungkook smiles, wiping the non existent sweat from his temple. “His name’s Gureum and he’s a white Maltese dog. If you look at his collar, you’ll see that I’m not lying.”

You actually look at the collar and part of Jungkook is offended that you don’t just believe him. Does he look like a liar to you? “Actually, I have pictures too-”

“No, no, it’s fine. I believe you,” you say before gesturing for Gureum to go back to Jungkook. He does, but somewhat reluctantly and Jungkook doesn’t know how to interpret this.

“Ask her if she’s okay again.”

“Are you really okay?” Jungkook says and offers you a smile the way Jimin taught him to. “I really am sorry about-”

“It’s fine,” you tell him and wave him off. “Nothing happened. Don’t worry about it. Just leash your dog.”

And then, you turn away from him. Jungkook stands there awkwardly for another moment before kneeling down to Gureum, absentmindedly petting him, mind filled with questions because what now? How does he communicate to the others that you turned away from him? That the conversation has ended and he has no idea how to start it again?

“What’s going on Kook? Is she smiling-”

“Ah, Gureum, no,” Jungkook cuts in. “Don’t turn away- I can’t leash you if you do that. Don’t turn away.”

“Oh, shit, she turned away, huh?”

“What now, Jimin?”

“Shush, Joon. Let me think, yeah?”

Jungkook fiddles with the leash like he has a problem clipping it, hoping that maybe you’re going to offer him your help. You don’t. And why would you? He’s an adult after all.

Before Jimin can come up with anything though, the solution to the problem presents itself. It comes in the form of a girl running and tripping right next to Jungkook and him catching her just in time before she can faceplant in the dirt and scrape her knees open.

“Oh, hey, careful here!” Jungkook brings the girl back up on her two feet. She stares at him with big eyes, and he recognises her from the pictures. It’s Siyeon, the seven year old girl you babysit regularly, the reason why you’re spending your afternoon at a playground today. ”You okay?”

“Kook, what’s happening right now?” Namjoon asks.

Siyeon looks at you, and you’re already kneeling beside her, fixing her hair.

“Siyeon, I told you not to run. See, you almost fell now!” You say it the same way a mother would, less strict though. “If he hadn’t caught you, you would have hurt yourself, wouldn’t you have? Now, what do you say?”

“T-thank you,” Siyeon mumbles, and Jungkook isn’t sure if she’s staring at her hands because she’s embarrassed or just about to cry.

“Who’s that? Who are you talking to? Who’s he talking to?”

“Was that a kid?”

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks Siyeon, ignoring Namjoon and Taehyung to the best of his abilities.

“Y-yes, thank you.” She won’t look at him.

Jungkook smiles. “Well, I’m happy that you didn’t get hurt there.”

“Kook, answer please. Do you need help?”

“Should we interfere?”

Jungkook’s about to snap. Does it seriously sound like he needs help? He’s talking to a seven year old, for fuck’s sake! Sure, he didn’t practise this scenario, but God, he was capable of improvising!

“Thank you. She’s really clumsy,” you say to Jungkook.

“Ah, don’t worry about it. I’m like that too. After all, I let,” he looks down at Gureum and finishes his sentence by gesturing to him and then you. You laugh.

And that’s when Siyeon seems to notice Gureum for the first time, eyes growing big at his sight like she has never seen a dog before. A chance.

“His name’s Gureum. You wanna-”

“Do you think we should go over there? See if he’s okay?”

And with that, Jungkook snaps. Yoongi is going to give him an earful for destroying his oh so precious equipment, but he can’t do this any longer with Jimin, Namjoon and Taehyung in his ear. So in one smooth movement, Jungkook digs out the earpiece and crushes it between his fingers, hiding it in his hand.

“Sorry, a fly, I think,” Jungkook says, swatting at his ear, and before you can think about it, he moves on. “Do you wanna pet Gureum, S- Is it okay if I call you Siyeon?”

Siyeon stares at Jungkook like he can’t believe he just asked her that. It’s probably the first time an adult has asked her for permission to call her by her name, and she seems to appreciate it immensely because she beams at him and gives him a huge nod.

“Okay, Siyeon, do you maybe wanna pet Gureum? He doesn’t bite, I promise.” Jungkook can feel your eyes on him. He’s doing it, charming you!

Siyeon turns to you.

“Can I-?”

You hum. “If Gureum is okay with it-”

Siyeon kneels down. “Hello, Mr Gureum. Sir, can I please pet you?”

Jungkook melts, and so do you.

Receiving no response from Gureum, Siyeon looks back up to you. Jungkook quickly takes his paw and waves. “Hello, Mrs Siyeon, if you promise not to hurt me, you can pet me. I like it especially if humans pet me at the back of my head. Just, please, be nice to me.”

In all of the years he has had Gureum, Jungkook has never tried to imagine what his voice would sound like, but he knows for a fact that he doesn’t sound like a chain smoker. It’s a questionable choice, but he doesn’t regret it. Because not only does it make Siyeon laugh, it also elicits a chuckle from you.

You look at him with a grin. “I don’t think I’ve introduced myself yet, have I?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Jungkook says, and you two rise to your feet when Siyeon starts to pet Gureum and he doesn’t bite her.

“Well,” you stretch out your hand, “I’m Y/N.”

Jungkook swallows the ‘I know’ that wants to slip him and takes your hand. He has to stop himself from bursting with pride, only allowing his smile to grow into a blinding grin.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” he says, and he means it. It’s really nice to meet you. “I’m Jungkook.”

coming sunday, may 30th 2021

[creatingnikki]

What 2020 has taught me

1. Those things that seem like content for sci fi or pure fiction are actually things that can happen. To the entire world. Like a pandemic. And to you. Like a seizure.

2. Everyone is sad. Everyone is struggling. In different ways and in different measures. Makes no one special. But you still get to feel sad for yourself and be compassionate towards others. But it's also okay to draw boundaries because you're everyone too. Remember, not special? You're sad and trying to deal with it too.

3. Every job you have will not add value to your life. It will not teach you new things or give you people you'll want to stay in touch with. Sometimes some jobs will only be a season of your life. Even if the season lasts for over a year. It's okay.

4. You know how you thought picking a college and picking a major and picking your first job and picking a specific industry were all the career decisions you had to make? Yeah, no. It's never a one time thing. You could have a job as a marketing strategist for two years and then want nothing to do with it. And then you'll have to make another decision and work towards it. So I'd like to call it moves. It's like chess. You always have to make a move. And it always has to be strategic, yes. But the truth is in your 20s it probably won't. Even if you try. And as long as you're trying, you'll be fine.

5. You may have different sorts of friends like the one you only talk to about kdrama with or the one you met when you went book shopping alone and the friendship is all about books really. That's normal. But irrespective of why and how you became friends with them, if you consider them a friend then there has to be this basic sense of care, respect and empathy for each other. I don't care what people want to say. If you're faced with the worst trauma of your life, the least your friends can do is check up on you regularly. On text. And if they don't even do that then guess what? They aren't friends. They are acquaintances. Social media and quick promises make everyone seem like your friend. But they are not. They are just nice people who will be nice to you for specific periods and then wander away like you are a speck of dust floating in their journey.

6. You speak a lot and write and you express yourself and you’re emotionally mature but oh my god. You still hold in so much. You’ve known that at a subconscious level and over the last year people - experts - have told you that. You have also realized that you make your pain and sadness about pettier things because dealing with them, admitting about them, sharing that with your friends, is easier. You do that so that you don’t have to deal with the real stuff. Because it’s so damn painful. And you don’t know how to do it. Yet. Acknowledging is the first step anyway right? I know you’re confused about how exactly to let go of all this pain and sadness and feel lighter, and you know that talking to people really isn’t the solution, but I also know you’re smart enough to figure it out. 

7. Talking about being smart...you know you’re different than others. Better. Special. Smarter. None of these are the right words. And you never voiced this out until this year because you knew it would make you come across as narcissistic. Some would say it’s because you’re an INFJ. But my mother once said that this may be the first time we are consciously living life but our souls are old and so our instinct and the things we know but can’t explain are because this isn’t the first time for our souls. The connections we feel with certain people, the reason we are so different from our siblings who grew up in the exact same environment with the exact same opportunities, our sense of right and wrong...it’s all because our souls learn and grow with each time and that’s why we are who we are. I think that’s probably how I can explain what I have always felt. That I am living in a different universe than everybody but I have to pretend to be in this one and dumb my emotions and thoughts down. Maybe that’s because my soul has lived through thousands of years while most around me are living their 100th life. Or maybe I’m just narcissistic, who knows?

8. You shift between talking in first person and second person but that’s because that’s how you think in your head and talk to yourself and live your life. You ask yourself things and you accuse yourself of things and you apologize to yourself and you comfort yourself. I think that seeps into your writing and the changing of the voices. 

9. You always genuinely thought that you’d not be afraid of dying. And then what happened this October proved you shockingly wrong. I know it’s not so much being afraid of dying but the unbearable pain of knowing what that would mean to your family. So you have to be more prudent and less reckless with your life and the choices you make. 

10. Regret is not something that plagued you but this year the realisation and pain of giving away your favourite books from your own personal collection to people you care about as a show of affection and them turning out to be ass holes or losers has hit you so hard. So, yes. No more of that shit. I really fucking want my copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower back. UGH. With the childhood picture of me inside it! 

11. Sleeping at 5 am in the morning stops being fun or romanticised when you realise just how much harm it does to your body and mind. Literally every single disease and disorder can be traced back to a shitty fucking sleep schedule. It’s not just the hours you sleep but also the quality of sleep and the time you sleep at. So yes sleeping for 8 hours is healthy but not if that 8 hours is from 5 am to 12 pm. ‘Not a morning person’ is just another construct of capitalism and you don’t realise how many industries profit from having you believe that and staying up late or all night. Entertainment. Food. Alcohol. Pharma. Biologically and naturally you are a bloody morning person. And you don’t need 3 cups of coffee to begin your day or your phone notifications to get you to open your eyes and brain to wake up. 

12. Sometimes you really have to stop taking people so seriously. I know the idea of treating people as casual friends or entertainment makes you want to fight that concept but you know what? Some people like Pineapple are ever only going to be good for that. No matter how much they ‘grow and change’. So keep them in the background for whenever you want some entertainment or drama. But please don’t clear up your busy schedule to meet them or send them gifts on their birthday. 

13. If you don’t have the fruit juice or green juice within half an hour of making it then you are losing out on its most optimum health benefits. Or when you remove the white stringy stuff from oranges. That’s where all the actual nutrients are.

14. I am privileged and so are most of the people I interact with. The global pandemic has been hell for a lot of people around the world. Health wise. Financially. Losing people they care about. But I was blessed enough to be safe at home and have a job that I could smoothly do from home and not have a pay cut or 4-hour long Zoom meetings. So honestly when my friends tell me 2020 has been bad I have to stop and ask them why? Yes, the crippling uncertainty and anxiety is not something that can be undermined. But most people I know had very great positive life-changing milestones this year like moving away to another country for college or taking their first solo trip or getting married. So I have to ask them. Because I am not going to agree that everybody’s 2020 and pandemic narrative is the same. 

15. Money gets spent really quickly. When I left my job earlier this year because of personal issues, I thought I had enough savings to last me a year. Full disclosure - I mean to last my personal expenses because I live with my parents. But it didn’t even last me 3 months. And so to use money wisely and buy things that provide utility than instant gratification is something to follow. Also buying one pair of really expensive but quality shoes is better than buying 5 pairs of affordable but low quality shoes that will have a very short life and force you to buy more. I know that higher price doesn’t always mean better quality but sometimes it does. And as an adult now I want to do the whole quality > quantity thing even with things and not just people. 

16. Everyone in their 20s went through a crisis of what they should do with their lives and their careers and it’s not unique to the 21st century and the challenges of today. Whether it was Vincent Van Gogh in the 19th century or Sylvia Plath in the 20th, every single person, as brilliant as them went through the torture of making these decisions and living with their consequences. You may think I picked wrong examples for they both killed themselves but you know what? They were the people who really want to live more than anyone. They knew what life meant. And maybe if mental health help was more accessible back then their lives would be longer and more peaceful. 

17. Telling people everything is overrated. You don’t have to talk about every single thing that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. The good and the bad and the mediocre. You have to be mindful about how much of yourself you’re giving away. 

18. Re-watch Suits when people at work feel intimidating because the confidence + negotiation tactics that they show can actually work irl cos at the end of the day no matter in what position you’re dealing with people who have emotions and fears and insecurities and desires. You understand how to leverage that nobody can get the better of you. 

19. You belong to yourself. No matter how much you love someone or how much they have done for you or how much you owe them - you belong to yourself. You can’t live your life for someone else. Everyone belongs to themselves first. No relationship, no promise, no circumstance should make you feel like you have to give up your life and make it all about them. If and when the time comes to die for them, go ahead. Take a bullet. Donate that kidney. Write them in your will. But live your life for yourself. And let them live theirs. 

20. Twenty three was a challenging year. When it started you claimed the age 23 sounds boring and insignificant. Guess it proved you wrong. It hurt so much now. But that only means you’ll look back on it later and see how it added so much wisdom and resilience to your being. It doesn’t mean that it makes all the bad things that happened to you okay. Or that you should be grateful to them. Fuck no. It means that you should be kinder to yourself because at the end of the day, your mind and body find it in themselves to deal with whatever is thrown their way. They have your back. It’s time you learn to sit straight. 

[smoochkooks]

—chapter one: the beginning of an end

this is a part of my an ode to a broken heart drabble series.

pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

genre: unrequited love, best friends to (?), heavy angst, future smut

word count: 1.4k words

summary: loving jeon jungkook is, above all, the beginning of an end.

previous || next

You’re positive your favourite sound in the whole world is the rhythmic, repetitive sound of your fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Everyone has a different approach when it comes to coping with stress and anxiety. Some people drink away their unwanted emotions, some drown themselves in work, some watch yet another, mediocre Netflix show. But your solution, your little panacea has always been writing.

You’re not the best when it comes to expressing your true feelings. You can struggle with saying ‘I love you’ to your mother and then write a long, affectionate letter for her birthday that makes her eyes turn glossy. You may stutter and tumble on your own words while trying to order coffee and then complete academic essays with ease.  

Whenever you feel like you’re overwhelmed, boiled up with mixed emotions, you do exactly what your school counselor told you many years ago: you let it out. She never mentioned any specifics, simply encouraging you to find your own way. And that’s exactly what you did – you picked it up yourself. First, it was writing a diary. No less than two weeks into it, you got bored. Turns out describing in detail every single mundane day of your life was never your forté. You threw away your old notebook, bought a new one and decided to write there whenever you felt like you really wanted to, not out of obligation.  

And you continue to do so, these days you opt for a use of modern technology often. You open your laptop and pour your feelings onto a digital sheet of paper. It’s cathartic, in a way. Getting rid of what you feel like is weighing you down.  

Jungkook however, your dearest best friend, has always been on the other side of the spectrum. Loud, obnoxious, a life and soul of the party who happened to miraculously befriend the most quiet introvert in class. Sometimes you still wonder how your friendship has managed to survive almost twenty years. You’re two polar opposites. Fire and water. Storm and chilly breeze. A confession screamed in the middle of the night and handwritten love letter.  

You’re a dichotomy. Made of the same atoms, pulling in and pulling away. And if the phrase ‘opposites attract’ held any significance, maybe you would’ve ended up together. But in your case, it’s yet another platitude. Something that seems to work out only in books and movies. Because, if that was true, he would never fell in love with a female version of him, just graced with a sprinkle of pure sweetenes Jungkook sometimes lacks.

Soojin is everything you will never be. Polite, outgoing, sociable and so likeable you hate yourself for despising her. Truthfully, there’s nothing bad you could say about her. No wonder he’s fallen head over heels for her, not you.

What’s there to love about you, if you willing chose to pin for a boy that’s so out of your league? It’s actually hilarious to even dream about him returning your feelings.

You stare at the screen with half-lidded eyes. The clock reads quarter past midnight, letters start to blur into nothingness. Yet another chapter of your miserable life is completed as you save the document and slam your laptop shut. You don’t bother to shower or take off your clothes. Sleepiness hits you right when you close your eyes.  

You dream of wedding halls and never spoken love confessions.

You read once on Twitter that being an adult means checking your e-mail as a part of your morning social media routine and since then, you haven’t quite related to anything more in your life.  

At the very top of your inbox there’s yet another e-mail from your Creative Writing proffesor, Kim Namjoon. He’s a very stubborn man, you decide, as you scroll through the contents of his message. He still wants you to consider what he told you a few days ago after class, it seems.  

“Miss ___? Can I talk to you for a second?” 

“Sure.” you replied and awkwardly walked up to his podium.  

You might have been madly (and miserablely) in love with your best friend, but Kim Namjoon has never failed to make you feel like a silly teenager with a crush on her older teacher. To say Kim Namjoon was intimidating was an misunderstanding. His presence was thoroughly electrifying. You remembered a very disappointed sigh the girl sitting next you let out when she noticed a ring on his right hand. You couldn’t judge her. His wife had scored probably the finest man on this damn planet.  

“I read your latest assignment and I must say, your novelette was outstanding as always. Dare I say the best among others,” Namjoon said. You bowed your head in acknowledgement, praying he wouldn’t notice your rose-colored cheeks. “Regarding that, I actually have a proposition for you.”  

At that, your eyes widened. “What kind of proposition, sir?” you asked.  

He picked up a sheet of paper from his desk and handed it to you. It was a flyer, you realised, and read it through quickly. VARIETÉ Publishing was organising an annual contest for young poets, which you had heard about before. Your English Literature proffesor mentioned it during her lecture a week ago. However, poetry had never been your strong suit. As much as you enjoyed reading it, you weren’t really fond of creating your own poems. So why did Kim Namjoon decide to tell you about this all of a sudden?

“I know what you might be thinking right now, but I’m not actually encouraging you to take part in this competition,” As he smiled, two dimples appeared on each side of his mouth. “Do you know anything about VARIETÉ Publishing?”  

Slightly confused, you gave him a nod. “It’s one if the biggest publishing companies in the country.” 

“That’s very much true,” Namjoon agreed. “VARIETÉ's vice-chairman, Lee Jongi, is actually my old friend. We used to study together here, at this university. When I chose a teaching career, he got a job in a foreign publishing company, climbed up the ladder until the very top and now he’s vice-chairman and I’m a simple college professor,” He chuckled. You were too stunned to form a coherent response let alone laugh along with him. Lee Jongi and Kim Namjoon being buddies? It was a small world, after all. “Jongi has always been very fond of young, aspiring writers. When I discover a student with huge potential, I send him their works. If he finds them interesting enough, he might even take a risk and propose a publishing deal. This doesn’t happen quite often, but I want you to know that you have a pretty big chance to impress him.”

You stared at him, wide-eyed because holy fucking shit, did he just say he can help you publish your first book?  

“I don’t know what to say, sir. I’m shocked.” you responded truthfully. You had heard people complimenting your skills before but this was extraordinary. “Let me just process all of this: you know personally VARIETÉ'S vice-chairman and you want to show him my works?” Even said out loud, it still sounded surreal to you.  

“Correct. But of course, I won’t do anything without your consent.” Namjoon said. “That novelette you sent me recently was amazing. I’d love to show it to Lee Jongi one day.”

The task was to incorporate a hidden, symbolic message into a story. You decided to use your favorite flowers, magnolias, and its meaning. They represent eternity, because once they bloom they will continue to bloom for a long time. In your story, a girl gave her best friend magnolia's seeds, wishing her love for him to be everlasting. A day later, she received a pack of seeds from the boy as well. She happily planted them in her garden and when they bloomed, she discovered they were yellow tulips. A symbol of love that will never be reciprocated.

“You make people feel things with your words, ___, and that’s a very rare gift,” You heard Namjoon add. “Promise me you’ll consider my proposition.”  

There was thousand thoughts per hour running in your head, but you gave him a curt nod. “I’ll think about it.”  

As you’re staring now at the screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard, you think about the girl whose only dream was to be loved by her best friend. Maybe it’s finally time for you to move on. Bury the past and plant a seed of new life. Because, loving Jeon Jungkook is, above all, the beginning of an end.

With shaky hands, you start writing a response to your proffesor.

[favefandomimagines]

Be Kind (r.c)

Summary: the facade Rafe puts up has caused tension in your relationship

AN: this is inspired by the song ‘Be Kind,’ by Marshmello and Halsey. also threw a little klaroline quote in there

quick PSA, i don’t condone anything Rafe does in the show at all. He killed a cop and was just a sadistic asshole. SO THIS IS NOT CANON RAFE i just wanted to make that clear and i DO NOT condone domestic violence of any kind, verbal or physical.

You’ve put up with Rafe Cameron for two years. But you didn’t used to phrase it like that until recently.

Rafe puts on a mask when he’s with Topper or Kelce or any of his other Kook friends. He never used to do that with you. He wasn’t afraid to show how he was really feeling. But when he turned to drugs, that mask was kept on permanently.

He wasn’t kind to you anymore. Didn’t call to ask how your day was, didn’t stay up late with you combing his fingers through your hair while he vividly described your future after college.

It was almost as if the cocaine made that version of him dormant. It wasn’t something you ever planned on getting used to. But for the foreseeable future, you had too. 

There was a huge Kook party that was being held at your house, your younger brother Topper being the host.

That’s how you and Rafe initially got together. It didn’t matter that you were one year younger. The connection was there. 

All of your ‘friends’ were there and you somehow managed to convince Topper to invite the Pogues. They were more your friends than anyone on Figure 8 anyways.

You didn’t know Rafe had brought the drugs. Not until Kiara was the one to point it out. He had told you he quit a long time ago so you had to see it for yourself. 

“Y/N, I thought you said Rafe quit?” She asked. You followed where she was pointing and saw your boyfriend doing a line off the glass coffee table.

Both Kie and JJ saw your face contorted with not just anger, but disappointment and disgust as well.

Rafe gets angry when he’s high so you knew you had to get him somewhere quiet until he came down. Usually he always started a fight with JJ or some other random person just for the sake of fighting. 

You carefully approached him, him having at least four inches of height over you.

“Baby, maybe we should go get you some water.” You said sweetly, touching his arm gently. “I’m fine, Y/N.” He protested, pulling his arm back rather violently. “Rafe, come on.” You said, masking the fear you were feeling. 

You kept pushing and hoping he’d give in to your pleas. “God, Y/N, you’re so fucking clingy! No wonder none of us like you.” He spat back at you.

By that point, everyone was watching in anticipation to see how you’d react to your boyfriend speaking to you like that. “That’s enough, man.” Topper interjected.

His words hurt you and that was clearly evident due to the tears that welled up in your eyes. “Alright, fine. You wanna be an asshole, that’s on you.” You snapped, turning to walk away from him. “Don’t turn your back on me!” Rafe bellowed. “I should have turned my back on you months ago with all the shit you’ve put me through!” You yelled back. 

You thought he’d scoff and roll his eyes like every other argument. What you didn’t see coming was Rafe bringing his hand up as if he were going to hit you. Rather harshly by the looks of it. 

The action made you flinch as Topper moved quickly to stand in between you and Rafe, as JJ and John B pulled you away.

The realization of what Rafe could have potentially done finally hit him when he saw the look on your face as JJ had his arms wrapped around you and his face softened.

“Y/N, I-I don’t know-“ He started before you cut him off. “Fuck you, Rafe. We’re done.” You sneered, before letting JJ and Kiara take you away from the party.

Once you had left, the mood of the party died completely. People beginning to clear out and Rafe standing there, trying to understand what just happened.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Topper yelled at his friend. “Topper,” Rafe started. “That’s my sister, dude! And she loves you, would do anything for you and you were going to hit her!” Topper said. “She was good for you. And you threw her away.” He added, before walking off to clean up the mess.

Rafe stood there, not a single ounce of a solution in his brain. Topper was right. You were the best thing that happened to him and he treated you like shit. And he knew he was doing it too. It was always after his dad tore into him about something he messed up. So he didn’t believe he deserved you so he pushed you away.

Ever since he started doing drugs, he gave you every reason to leave. But you never did. Not until you thought he was actually going to physically hurt you.

Rafe would never think of laying a finger on you in a way that would hurt you. But when he was on cocaine, he wasn’t Rafe. And clearly that didn’t stop him from hurting you verbally.

The Pogues brought you to the Chateau after JJ pulled you away from your own house. You hadn’t said a word since then and it was starting to worry JJ and Sarah.

JJ had known you just as long as he had known John B and he knew you better than most. You were a Kook but long before the prejudices started, you were their best friend.

Which was why he knew that when you weren’t talking, there was too much going on in your head.

The rest of them went inside while you sat on the front porch. JJ and Sarah stopped in the doorway and looked from you to each other.

JJ slightly nodded his head before walking over to sit by you.

“You can talk about it. You know you can tell me.” He said. You let out a deep breath before resting your head on your friend’s shoulder.

“He didn’t used to be like that. He was good to me but then he started doing the drugs and it just got worse.” You started. “Do you think it’s me? And it isn’t really because of the drugs?” You added.

JJ moved so he could look at you before he spoke. “You’re my best friend, Y/N. And I can tell you that it has nothing to do with you. It’s on Rafe if he can’t see what he’s had next to him for two years.” He said.

You have him a sad smile before putting your head back on his shoulder.

—

It had been two weeks since you had broken up with Rafe. His efforts to get you to talk to him happened every day, relentlessly.

Rafe showed up to your house not knowing that you weren’t there. When the door opened, Topper saw a very distraught Rafe standing there.

“What are you doing here?” Topper asked. “I need to see Y/N.” Rafe answered. “She’s not here. She’s with Sarah and Kie.” Topper told him.

That was when Rafe had taken off the mask, taken down the facade, and let all of his emotions show.

Topper had never seen his friend in such a fragile, emotional state before. “There’s no way out of this, bro. She’s never gonna come back to me.” Rafe cried.

“You know what you need to do then? Stop doing drugs. Stay sober and never even attempt to lay a hand on her again.” Topper told him. “I need to see her. I need to know that there’s still a chance.” Rafe said.

Topper sighed before checking the time on the Rolex on his wrist. “She’ll be home in fifteen minutes. You can wait for her upstairs.” He said.

Rafe thanked Topper quickly before rushing upstairs. He entered your room and felt the difference of tone in the room. It felt sad and different and he knew that he was the reason for it.

He could easily spot out the holes on your dresser where picture frames used to be. Pictures of the two of you that you couldn’t stand to look at anymore. He noticed the top drawer was open and empty. The drawer that held a couple of his t-shirts and sweatpants for when he’d spend the night. They were now in a duffle bag on the floor. 

Another thing he noticed was the Midsummer’s dress you were supposed to wear to match him. It was placed back in the garment bag and hanging on the back of your bedroom door. Probably so your mother could take it back. 

He remembered how excited you were to wear it, you tried it on for him and modeled it for ten minutes before he convinced you to hang it back up in your closet. 

About fifteen minutes later, Rafe heard the front door open before hearing your voice call out to your brother, causing his heart to speed up.

“Topper, I’m home!” You called, as you walked up the staircase to your room. “Wait, Y/N, I need to warn you.” Topper stopped you. “About?” You questioned. “Rafe.” Topper answered.

Your face fell at his words, not needing a further explanation. “He’s here?” You asked. “Yeah. He’s in your room.” He said.

You sighed as you nodded your head curtly before continuing your trek to your room.

Opening the door, you saw Rafe seated on the edge of your bed with tears in his eyes. A photo of to two of you in his hands. It took everything you had not to just run over there and tell him everything was going to be okay.

“What are you doing here, Rafe?” You asked, keeping your composure. “I needed to see you. To apologize for-“ He stopped himself, not wanting to relive that night’s events.

“I’ve been clean since that night but I can’t do this without you. It’s so hard. I start thinking about you and then how I lost you and it makes me want to just forget about it for a while. I need your help, Y/N. Please.” He added.

You looked at him, the broken boy who sat in front of you and sighed. This was the Rafe you missed and it seems as if you were starting to get him back.

“No more drinking. And no more drugs. Rafe, what you did scared the hell out of me. I’ve never seen you like that before. Yelling at me and telling me that I’m clingy and bitchy is one thing but hitting me is unforgivable.” You spoke.

Rafe stood up and approached you feeling a sense of hope. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I will never do anything like that again, I promise. Just please forgive me. I love you.” He said.

You took a moment to process his words and to find any trace of a lie. But when you couldn’t find one, you gave in. 

“If it happens again, I’m done.” You said quietly. “It won’t. I promise.” Rafe said. You nodded your head as Rafe pulled you into him. It wasn’t until then that you had let out the sobs you were so desperately trying to keep in. 

The two of you stayed that way, holding each other and just crying for what felt like hours. 

“You’re a mess.” You laughed, wiping the tears off of his face. “Yeah, you’re one to talk.” Rafe replied. “You know that I love you, right?” He asked. You nodded your head before speaking. “I love you too.” You replied. 

[jademakean]

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Timothée Chalamet x Reader

𝑷𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

  Drizzles of water began coating your body as you rushed to your best friend's porch, hurriedly knocking on the wooden door.

The extra holiday break from school allowed you to spend more time with Pauline, meaning: chaotic sleepovers

“Hello?”

You looked up meeting a pair of green eyes you hadn't seen in a long while. “Timothée?”

Once the slender figure came to the realization of who was waiting at his front step, his mouth went agape mirroring yours.

You both had been close since you were little. You became friends with Pauline in middle school and met Timothée through her. From then on you were a trio and would do everything together, but that all changed.

Him, being three years older than you meant that he'd go to college first and in the end, there would simply not be any time for you both to be together. You did try to hang out once every two weeks but his college was way too far and he needed to spend his time focussing on his studies. It ended in a bad note, with many hurtful words shared.

Before you knew it, Timothée had you in bone-crushing embrace  “I haven't seen you in months, more than a year maybe! God, I missed you.”

“Why didn't you tell me you came back?” you couldn't hide the slight disappointment of him not thinking about letting you know. “I wanted to but I switched phone numbers and my sister wanted me to surprise you instead. I just didn't know I was going to see you this soon.”

Though you both shared your relief in seeing each, there was some strange tension in the air.

“I gotta visit my aunt right now but we should celebrate tomorrow or something.” He suggested, breaking the silence.

“Yeah totally. I'm sleeping over anyways so we'll probably see each other after dinner. Just be careful, the weather seems to be getting worse.”

“Oh yeah of course. If you need some clothes you can get some from my room, they're in a box on my bed. I know that Pauline's clothes are too small for any human being to wear.”

You giggled at his over-exaggeration nodding “Thanks. Stay safe.”

Once the door shut you felt your mood change. It's not like you weren't happy to see him, you were, but not being able to have the same connection you once had made your heartache.

“DJ Paulina in the house mother fuckers!”

You jumped at your best friend's sudden outburst but laughed nevertheless.

“Holy shit, you're wetter than the pacific ocean!”

You roller your eyes “Really? Damn, I wonder why. It's alright though, Timothée allowed me to borrow one of his shirts.”

“Wait you already saw Timothée?”

“Yeah, he just left.”

Paulina grimaced slightly knowing how hard it might've been for two introverts to reunite after a long period of time, let alone after they had a fight last time they were together. She quickly changed the subject not wanting to upset you.

That didn't mean she wouldn't plan on rebuilding your bond.

۵

The snaps of thunder kept you awake and the heavy drops of rain overtook your mind.

As the time pasted you began wondering what would happen if there was a monster under your bed, if a ghost yanked you by your leg, or if the shadow of the hanging coat was actually a person.

Full-on scaring yourself.

And Pauline's sleep talking was not helping the situation.

Both of you spent the day baking, eating and watching movies. Though it's not how most teenagers take up the opportunity of an empty house, it was more than enough for you two.

What was irritating you at this precise moment was the fact that you were exhausted during the day and still are, except you, can't bring yourself to actually fall asleep.

Creaking sounds were heard throughout the room as your feet made contact with the wooden floor.

You grumbled making your way to the kitchen for a cup of fresh cold water.

The bright electronic clock on the stove displayed the time. 2:23 A.M.

You were so dazed and distracted by the clock that before you could fill your glass with water, the cup fell on the counter.

You felt your heart stop the second the loud sound emitted throughout the quiet space, fearing you'd break your best friend's parent's glass. But once you realized that everything was still stable, you proceeded to finish your plan.

“What are you doing still awake?”

Your body jumped at those words. You turned to see Timothée with hooded eyes and slumped figure, clearly more than half asleep.

“Sorry, I'm a light sleeper and the thunder was keeping me awake.”

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

He smiled softly with a droopy gaze

Not gonna lie, initially some inappropriate thoughts crossed your mind, but vanished once you remembered how every time you had trouble falling asleep, you'd get in his bed and he'd make conversation until you fell asleep.

“Sure.”

Timothée was probably too out of it to understand why it had taken you so look to answer, which you were grateful for.

He lazily intertwined your fingers and led you to his room.

It looked the same as before, maybe some items we're missing so he'd be able to decorate his new apartment, but other than that, still the same.

You hesitantly laid down turning your body away from the curly-headed boy. You felt yourself heating up as last time you shared a bed you were a quite innocent 15-year-old, and to be fair you've always seen him as a bother figure.

But two years have passed and he was now 20, it felt like being with a stranger even though he wasn't.

“You alright?”

He mumbled quietly

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.” You chewed your lip anxiously. You've never been good at confronting people.

“Is there a reason why you got mad at me when you left. All I remember was you telling me how we couldn't be friends because of all the work you had and how you couldn't handle too many things at the same time. But in the end, you suddenly got mad at me and it ended in a huge fight.”

You could tell that Timothée was now fully awake, definitely not expecting you to mention the topic at this time of night.

“Well, in all honestly I knew you wouldn't want to give up on our friendship. I've always seen you as a loyal strong friend and I didn't want to disappoint you by continuously bailing out on our plans.”

Thought his solution was a stupid one, you understood what he meant. You would most definitely get let down many times and eventually get mad at him, even if it wasn't fully his fault.

“I understand. Just-- Just don't do that again. I'd rather have a relationship with you even if we rarely saw each other, instead of not seeing you at all. I miss being with you.”

Timothée's heavy arm hugged you closer to him. So close you could feel his gentle heartbeat against your back.

“I'm not as much of a mess I was back in the first year of college. I have more spare time, even if college is too far we can face time and meet once a month.”

It was nice to witness his change in attitude regarding the situation, he's now more open-minded and optimistic.

“Is that why you seemed so tense when you saw me today?”

You suddenly felt yourself redden from slight embarrassment “I mean yeah. I kinda overreact a lot, but you know that. I didn't even recognize you, you've changed and I didn't know how to feel.”

You felt chest shake from a deep chuckle as you played with his fingers “Is that a good thing?”

He was making you flustered and he knew it.

“I mean, yeah. You look mature for a 20-year-old. When you were 18 you still had your baby face- it's not a bad thing at all, but now you, um, okay I'm just going to stop talking.”

Once again, Timothée's body shook slightly from his laughter which eventually died down.

There was silence once again, the downpour was hitting the window aggressively but managed to make you feel calm. The heat that radiated from the man's body was wrapping you in a warm blanket, his cold breath tickling your neck.

“How do you see me?

The silence was halted by your simple question “What do you mean?” his raspy voice asked, not understanding the question very well.

“Before you said that you saw me as a loyal friend. How do you see me now?”

Timothée turned your body to face him “Well, you've changed as well. You don't look like a little kid anymore.”

You hummed in response staring into his eyes. The moonlight was shining through the window behind Timothée, illuminating his hair, making it look as though he was wearing a halo around his head.

“Has anything interesting happened while I was gone? House renovations, dead grandma, boyfriends..?”

You had to cover your mouth from bursting out laughing “How the hell do you go from dead grandma to boyfriends?”

The boy shrugged his shoulders waiting for an answer “I had a boyfriend for a little while but it didn't work out.”

Timothée nodded for you to keep going

“He treated me differently when we were around his friends, kinda like he didn't want me. We would get into a lot of arguments and I just wasn't happy. So I ended it.”

He took your hand caressing it carefully with his thumb. You knew he was trying to make you feel better though you weren't actually sad about the breakup. You decided not to say anything against it since his action-filled your heart with butterflies.

“He's an asshole for doing that.”

“Yeah well, most of them are.”

There was a small pause in the air before Timothée spoke up again

“I wouldn't do that to you.”

You were taken aback from his sudden confession. You expected him to joke around about some dumb stereotypes.

“If you were my boyfriend, or just in general?” you asked genuinely curious to which he answered:

“Both.”

You being the anxious human being you are, decided to play it off as a joke. Like always.

“Yeah right, you would never date me, you might as well be one of those extra frat boys that-”

“Why would you assume I wouldn't date you.”

You were becoming more and more agitated, not fully grasping the meaning of his words, and why he was now saying it.

“I've always adored you. The reason why I never said anything is because I'm three years older than you and didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Why are you saying this now?” You shuttered out as he moved closer to your body.

“I didn't realize how much I loved you until we separated. Now I'm realizing how much time I wasted.”

Timothée began breathing heavily, his eyes focusing on the different features your face held.

“Would you date me now?”

He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. “Even if we wouldn't see each other often?”

He nodded once again, this time speaking “I haven't seen you in two years and I still have feelings for you, they won't go away even if I tried.”

Timothée let his fingers gently brush against your lips studying them thoroughly making your mind hazy.

You were so focussed on each other that the background noise was now muffled.

Your mouths were agape wanting one thing and one thing only.

“Can I kiss you?”

He whispered breathlessly. If he wasn't studying you so closely he would have missed your little nod.

But he didn't miss it.

The second the small gesture was caught, was the second his lips made contact with yours.

The kiss was heated and desperate, your eyebrows furrowed hopelessly from the connection. Tongues soon intertwining as Timothée held himself on top of you for better control of the situation. Not giving you room to escape.

You sighed through your nose not being able to break from the kiss, not wanting to break from the kiss.

His front pressed flush against yours, allowing his hands to travel all over your body with no hesitation.

You mumbled Timothée's name against his lips before you broke apart. “Did I go too far?”

You smiled at his worried state “No, I loved every second of it.”

He copied your smile resting his forehead on yours “Sorry, I could help myself.”

He laid on his back before you cuddled to his side, leg wrapped with his and head resting on his shoulder.

Timothée observed your crimson cheeks and swollen lips. He wanted to tease you about it but he knew damn well that he looked the exact same.

Sleep eventually took over you. The soothing sound of the storm was the last thing you heard, and the motion of Timothée's chest calmly rising and falling was the last thing you felt.

[aiyexayen]

So uh that essay about how Wei Ying takes after Yu Ziyuan? I am LISTENING

There were two things that really made me start to think about this, one was this tweet which says, "You know what we don't talk about? Wei Wuxian getting his cry-laughing from Madam Yu" and this incredible ChengXian video which sets their relationship to the tune of When Doves Cry and wrecks me every time I watch it (I just watched it now when I went to get the link and I'm whimpering).

As to the first matter:

seems fairly conclusive.

The second matter:

maybe I'm just like my father, too bold maybe you're just like my mother-- she's never satisfied

Was there this much meta thought put into one line of lyrics in a video set to When Doves Cry? Hard to say. There is now, though! Because dang, what a line. Essay under the cut.

There's a (valid) tendency to pull out the ways Jiang Cheng is more like his mother, and the ways Wei Wuxian is more like Jiang Fengmian, especially where their relationship is concerned.

Jiang Cheng wants proof of care through passion, through a willingness to fight. He will provoke and poke at things better left lying, with no shame and no regard to who else is around, dredge up old hurts and old grudges and old matters even if they're long buried or long forgiven, so long as he thinks it will get him the reaction he's looking for.

He wants Wei Wuxian to fix things by rising to the bait, rising to the challenge, giving him pushback when he says blatant lies, showing him that his shige still thinks he's worth it.

This is terribly unhealthy, of course, don't do this at home kids, but it's one of my core Jiang Cheng Truths.

Jiang Cheng shows that he cares in turn by being willing to fight, by pouring his emotion out even if those often end up as negative expressions. He's messy and unrestrained when he feels things, not all of which is from his mother--a lot of that is just Jiang Cheng--however, you can see the way he tries to rein in his emotions when he's embarrassed about caring or is trying to pretend that he doesn't care. Whether it's pretending to shrug off Wei Wuxian and walk away when they have a problem, or trying to rein in his temper at Lan Wangji on Dafan Mountain. Because from his mother, he's internalised the message that to engage in the fight is proof of care, so the opposite is also true.

And oh, when he hurts, he seeks to hurt back. That's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

Wei Wuxian, meanwhile, frequently defaults to calming and placating with Jiang Cheng. Not as much as Jiang Yanli does--but more on her, momentarily. We see Wei Wuxian complain at Jiang Cheng to not get riled up, tell him he's being stubborn and just to accept the peace offering, etc. The difference is that, at first, with Jiang Cheng, a lot of that is just general pouty childishness and Wei Ying-ing, general sibling shit.

Plus, he was still willing to fight/express himself fully. They fought a lot. He always ran after Jiang Cheng, always roped him into expressing himself, always let Jiang Cheng fight it out. He understood, at least intuitively, and he didn't back down. The benefits of having grown up together, and of being an older one/middle sibling in the dynamic.

But when things really started to break down between him and Jiang Cheng, when the conflict was much bigger, much more grown up, much more real, Wei Wuxian started modeling his behaviour even more on Jiang Fengmian in regards to Jiang Cheng, possibly seeing more of Yu-furen in Jiang Cheng and responding the way that felt natural.

(Also, a lot of his own guilt and depression/apathy/intent to die and assorted other issues came into play at roughly the same time.)

Thus, we see Wei Wuxian start to turn down Jiang Cheng more often, and back off. He shrugs it off or rejects it when Jiang Cheng reaches out, and he stops reaching out himself. He tries to placate Jiang Cheng, tries to defuse him, tries to send him away. Some of this is because he cares and is trying to show he cares by taking himself out of the situation; some because he's trying to maintain his lies; some because he just doesn't have the energy to deal with this anymore.

After Wei Wuxian is resurrected, by which point he's done what he perceives as the worst things to Jiang Cheng, this intensifies. Jiang Cheng provokes him beyond reason, lashes out, starts fights, sneers, and Wei Wuxian almost rises to the bait but he stops himself. He lets Jiang Cheng be angry and he shrinks himself down, he backs away, he disengages. A decent portion of this is Wei Wuxian himself, and his faulty perspective on the situation and on Jiang Cheng's anger and complexity of emotion and intent. Some of it is lingering relationship modeling off of Jiang-shushu and Yu-furen's relationship. Either way, he's definitely "being the Jiang Fengmian" in the situation.

Additionally, Wei Wuxian tries quite actively to model himself off of Jiang-shushu's good qualities, which is understandable given that this was his primary benevolent adult figure and liked him quite a lot. We see it in the way Wei Wuxian teaches, the way he instructs with archery, the fact he prioritises archery to begin with, the way he expresses kindness the way it was expressed to him, through encouragement or noticing people who are down and out. Things that Wei Wuxian, at least, attributes to Jiang Fengmian's character (I'm trying so hard not to make this a Jiang Fengmian salt post) even if a lot of that is just his own outlook on life at the end of the day.

But all of these kids were around both of these parental figures/people of authority. This is most clear in Jiang Yanli. We see the way she's become a mediator figure between her parents when they're upset with each other and understands them both.

She takes all the kind intent and patience and willingness to placate and calm from her father, and adds in the knowledge and understanding needed to actually use it interpersonally. She's more open with communication, can identify the heart of an issue, and effectively diffuse a lot of tension. She has middling success with this with regards to her parents, but a lot more success with her brothers. It helps her see eye to eye with Wei Wuxian, and share that spark of playfulness between them too. It helps her understand why Jiang Cheng says things the way he does, and what he means.

We also see Jiang Yanli reveal herself to be the steely, fiery daughter of Zi Zhizhu when someone attacks what is hers. She is just as much her mother's child.

So, too, Jiang Cheng is his father's son. I think this is true much more when he grows up and inherits the sect and has held it for some time in the wake of tragedy. We see evidence that he's become a well-regarded leader, and for all we see cool, flashing, calculating glares and bitten-back sneers, we see worried disciples fussing over his health. We see a mild manner that was learned, and an authority that has accrued with time, and a self-assuredness when dealing with his peers that seems more modeled off what we see of Jiang Fengmian than of Yu Ziyuan.

Jiang Cheng is a match for Zidian, through and through, but he is also steady and determined and bold, good at making and keeping allies, or else how could he have achieved the impossible in rebuilding his sect? He learned to take some of his mother, some of his father, find something left over of himself out of the wreckage of his life, and meld it all together.

That brings us to Wei Wuxian. I had, at the time of first seeing that tweet, showed it to a friend who said:

Are we gonna talk about how Wei Ying gets his cry-laugh from her? Are we gonna talk about how he learned that intense glare from her, too? Or his tendency to act swiftly and decisively even when it might not be the actual best course of action? Or his violent protectiveness of his siblings?

Inspired. And yes, we are.

Yu-furen was a figure of absolute strength in Wei Wuxian's life. Uncompromising, unyielding, impressive as hell. She had the capacity to inspire deep loyalty and was fiercely protective over things that were hers. Her son, her daughter, her family's reputation, her sect, her home, her disciple. (Yes, even Wei Wuxian was hers, too, she made quite the point about that.)

Wei Wuxian is very easygoing. But when he decides something is his, whether that's a duty or a person or whatever, it's his to protect, it's his to do anything for, even cause a scene, even start a war, even lose allies or his own life. It's one surefire way to get him to fight no matter what headspace he's in.

You can see Jiang Cheng realise/remember this in real time in the Ancestral Hall, when he can't get a rise out of Wei Wuxian by talking about himself and his family, and that stings, but he's desperate to get a rise out of him somehow, and immediately he sets in on Lan Wangji. And it fucking works. That's what gets Wei Wuxian to almost fight him. If he'd posed a real threat, and if a whole bunch of other complicated psychological shit wasn't part of the mix for everyone involved, there would absolutely have been a fight.

Wei Wuxian latched onto the Wens, yes, and they were his, too, but they weren't the only ones. Lotus Pier was his, as was Jiang Cheng. Yunmeng Shuangjie was not just a pipe dream, and Wei Wuxian's loyalty was not simply easy to sway. Yunmeng Jiang's strength, their reputation, their future, and Jiang Cheng's along with it were always on his mind.

He lied, and fought, and even left and took himself out of the picture to that end. For Jiang Cheng, and for his ability to carry on. In so many ways, Wei Wuxian absolutely took so much of his perspectives on that from Yu Ziyuan, for better or worse.

Uncompromising, unyielding, even when turned on himself. Never satisfied, always pushing for more, for answers, for solutions, for the right path, even in his own frequently easygoing and curious ways. Unhesitating, across the board. Even if it meant his own life, or his core.

There is nothing wrong with hesitating. Hesitating, worrying, being uncertain, trying to think first, trying to find the right path, and then being able to find it, or choose it anyway, is such an act of courage. That's a quality Jiang Cheng has in droves. He hesitated, when he saw the Wen soldiers coming for Wei Wuxian. And then he chose to sacrifice himself. For Wei Wuxian, there was no hesitation whatsoever. No forethought. No choice, really. Just go. I think that's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

I had to go digging to find that message my friend sent me, and I'll conclude with my response:

If we're going to talk about how Wei Wuxian is like Yu-furen, then we'll have to talk about how Yu-furen knew that. Or at least, the only parts that she ever had cause to see in him while she still lived. How he was hers even if he wasn't her son. How Fengmian's lazy favouritism was intolerable in this way, too, in the way it sowed discord where there didn't need to be any, and was a barrier between her and the things that should have been more fully hers. How the farewell at Lotus Pier was more of a betrayal than she intended. How she thought she and Wei Ying met over more even ground at that moment, because she knew he loved Jiang Cheng as much as she did, in the way she did. How she expected more from him than for him to give parts himself up in such a horrifying way. How she underestimated the actual damage that had been done. And if she'd survived to see it, she just might have been truly horrified.

[anyoneseenadam]

Home: Chapter Seven

azriel x reader (acotar)

summary: (y/n) is a daughter of Persephone, still recovering from the trauma of her fall into Tartarus and doesn’t have time for a stupid, handsome, annoying, stunning, injured man. But now they’re stuck together in the middle of nowhere and there only chance of getting home is if she can heal him, and fast.

warnings: big spoilers for mark of Athena and house of Hades, also for the acotar series, eventual smut, blood, PTSD, graphic descriptions of violence, injuries and torture, enemies to lovers so az is a bit of a dick to start, swearing, 

word count: 3.9k

a/n: I’m entirely writing this to distract myself from the real world but honesty I’m having a great time, I think there will be one more chapter after this one and maybe an epilogue but asides from that, also feel free to message or ask if you want to be tagged :)) anyway enjoy and pls comment and shiz :)

------------------------------------------------------------

Azriel had once joked that you were like an actual flower, needing water and sunlight to use your powers. At the time you had laughed but now as you stood in front of the mirror, wiping the tears from under your eyes, and preparing to walk into the world of all things dead, you understood. The dress you wore was one of the few fancy ones you reserved for the dinners you were often dragged to before your fall. It was lavender, with tulle cascading down your legs from the waist, paired with a tight corset top and tulle off-the-shoulder sleeves. As you sat with a ‘humph’ and started applying your makeup, your stepbrother walked in.

“Well you look cheery,” Nico said, sitting on your bed.

“I look like an evil power puff girl,”

“You look like you are a princess, which you are so my dad is going to be pleased.”

“I really don’t care what he thinks,” you snapped, and Nico help up his hands. He was wearing all black as usual, simple dress pants and a loose black shirt tucked in, his belt matched his rings, and his dark hair and even darker eye bags made him look every bit the Underworld prince. “Sorry, I’m not mad at you,” you said turning back around to carry on with your makeup.

“I know, it’s stressful for you,” he moved to sit next to you, resting his head on your shoulder and you applied eyeliner.

“I don’t wanna get sick again, I have things to do. Plus I’ve got to convince your dad to let me ask for this favour. I just feel like it’s all going to go to shit.”

“I get it, you’ll be fine though. Also I’m pretty sure your mum is going to do anything for you if it means you’ll speak to her again, so she’ll be on your side at least. That’s three vs one.” He nudged you as you put down the eyeliner.

“That’s true.” You bit the inside of your lip and Nico, sensing your worry, changed topic.

“Tell me about Azriel,” He said, and you caught his eye in the mirror.

“Huh?”

“Well I gotta make sure that when you become his problem it will be permanent, I don’t want you coming back,” he joked.

“Fuck you,” you laughed shoving his shoulder and he giggled, rolling onto his back.

“I don’t want to do thisssss,” Nico said in a sing-song voice lying flat on the floor.

“Me neither but I’m not going in alone bitch,” you laughed, starting to feel slightly better. It was moments like this that made you regret pushing your friends away, the thought of seeing them was always scary but when you were with your brother again you remembered why you loved them so much. You assessed your outfit in the mirror and sighed.

“What?” Nico asked, sitting back up.

“This would look really nice with a dark red lip,” you said, biting your lip.

“Do you have one?” he asked, and you nodded. He was quiet for a second before reaching out and ruffling through your makeup, finding your favourite red lipstick. “Do you wanna try?”

“Yeah, but if I cry it’ll mess up my eyeliner.” You said with a shaky laugh. He laughed quietly handing you the lipstick and you looked at him in the mirror, taking in a shuddering breath. You were stronger than this and you could handle it. You closed your eyes for a minute, counting your breaths, before opening the lipstick.

Once it was applied you lifted your chin, staring down the girl in the mirror. Nico grabbed your hand softly and you tore your eyes away, standing and pulling on your shoes.

“Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

--

Azriel was in a shit mood. He was 90% sure that you had cast some sort of spell on him when he was with you, something that made him happy and relaxed, because now that you weren’t here he pretty much wanted to throttle everyone.

Amren had been helping him look for a way to get back to you. The first thing they had tried was winnowing, he pictured your face; your smile, the way your hands felt in his, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t reach you. So they had been scanning books since then, reading up on every theory and myth. Nesta had brought him to speak to Gwyn who had told him about the theory that there could be up to at least 20 other worlds. Amren had also made him talk through every detail about this world he could remember, writing diligent notes as Cassian gave him weird looks when he spoke about Bucky Barnes.

“He’s a character, it’s a simple concept.”

“Yeah but how do you get an emotional connection to a character?”

“Shut up both of you.”

The pain in his chest was only growing as well, and he came to the daunting realisation that if he failed this; if he couldn’t get back to you, or get you back to him, he would probably have to deal with it for the rest of his long, long life.

He felt bad for taking his frustrations out on his family who were just worried about him, but he had never felt this way before. All he could think of was the way your eyes cleared when the realisation dawned on you. The way you had gone from sobs to a different, all-consuming kind of pain, just for a second, your eyes clearing as you realised you might never see him again. He hated himself for not being strong enough to put up a fight, he knew he wasn’t a match for a god, but he should’ve tried, he was too shocked at the time, too heartbroken, but now he was terrified that you might think he gave up on you. He had to get back to you, he was afraid what you might do if you were alone again. If you were alone after having the bond dangled in front of you, only to have it ripped away moments later.

It was almost 3am and everyone else in the house had gone to bed, but Azriel didn’t sleep well normally, and he especially wouldn’t while he was apart from you. He looked up from his book when he heard someone clear their throat, his head whipped up an incredulous smile gracing his features when he saw you sitting there.

“Baby,” he started moving forward but you held your hand up, stopping him.

“Oh that’s just too sweet, you kids are giving me so much content,” you dabbed at your eyes, and Azriel frowned.

“(y/n)? what’s going on?”

“Oh I’m not (y/n) sweetie, but that’s just adorable. My name is Aphrodite, Goddess of love and beauty, I often appear as whoever you find most beautiful.” Azriel’s heart dropped, the brief happiness he felt seeing your face gone as the lady spoke.

“Aphrodite? Hermes mentioned you.” He said, tensing as he realised he was dealing with another god. “In fact he said it was your fault this all happened.”

“Oh Hermes, always blaming someone else. You should be thanking me.”

“And why would I do that.” Azriel knew the look on his face was deadly, but something about seeing a god cower under his gaze was feeding his ego.

“Haven’t you worked out why you can’t travel back to her.” She raised her eyebrows at him, her expressions may be on your face, but as he paid more attention she seemed like a completely different person. “I have the power to move through world’s, you do not. I just thought that poor, sweet girl had been through enough that she should get to meet her soulmate. I waited for you after your mission and then just made you forget and let the two of you fall in love naturally, I mean I get teary eyed thinking about it, you’re just too cute!”

Azriel’s shoulders relaxed slightly, “So why are you here? Are you going to bring her to me?”

“Hmm I could, but I’d get in so much trouble, plus she’s very smart and I want to see if her plan works. You people are so very entertaining.” Her face rippled for a second as she turned, and she briefly looked like Mor, then Elain, then back to you. “But you, poor boy,” He chose to ignore the condescending tone, “You were dealt a very bad hand love wise, so maybe if she doesn’t succeed I could pull a few strings, but I do have a holiday planned so it may be a few decades.”

Her laugh made him feel sick and he glared at her, “What did you say about her plan?”

“Oh yes! She’s going down to the underworld to try find a solution,” Aphrodite was moving around the room gracefully as Azriel sat back down, the weight of Aphrodite’s easy words hitting him. She picked up one of the books laying on the desk and made an unimpressed noise, throwing it back down carelessly.

“That’s where the dead go right?” he asked, silently praying he was wrong,

“Yup! Don’t worry though, her mother lives there too,” she said ‘mother’ with a slight snarl, but Azriel ignored her. “You know I get why she likes you, you’re very pretty aren’t you?” She walked over to him, swaying your hips and he had to remind himself it wasn’t you as she sat down in his lap, forcing his hands to stay clenched at his side. She ran your hand along his jaw, tilting her head with a smile as she stroked his face. Her thumb rested on his bottom lip as he glared at her with murderous rage, trying to reel it in as he remembered she was possibly the only one that could help him.

“Well I guess I better go,” She sighed dramatically then pressed a perfectly polished gold coin into his hand, “Flip this if you need me, emergencies and sex only.” She winked at him, before kissing his cheek and standing, waving seductively before vanishing. Azriel sat for a few minutes, reeling from the interaction he just had. Is this the world I’ve entered now? Gods who can do whatever they want? He wondered if that’s why you avoided talking about the Gods, if maybe growing up with this had made you bitter to them. He wanted to ask you and talk to you about it, or anything for that matter but instead he just pocketed the coin and stood, winnowing to his room, and collapsing on his bed.

--

“Sweetie, you look beautiful,” Your mother cried out as you and Nico arrived, you were leaning heavily on his arm, while surrounded by death, the coldness of a lifeless place seeped into your bones and weakened you, you had learnt as much the first time you visited. You gave your mother a tight-lipped smile and hugged her awkwardly.

“Oh I missed you so much dear,” she stroked your hair, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes.

“You could’ve visited.” It was hard to keep the bitterness out of your voice, after all you had gone through and she hadn’t visited once. A look of shock passed over her face but before she could reply Hades thundered in, his usual outfit, ‘the robes of death and despair’ as you fondly called them, were replaced by a dark suit, his hair slicked back from his face. He came to Persephone’s side and rested a hand around her waist pulling her in slightly, and despite yourself you felt a little jealous of their closeness as your mother looked up at him with doe eyes.

“Nico, my son, how are you?” Hades deep voice silenced the room, the very air seeming to stand still, and Nico flushed red as he was put on the spot. The four of you exchanged pleasantries as you made your way to the ridiculously long table, Hades sat at the head on one side, Persephone on the other, with Nico and you facing each other in the centre. The wood was dark, but the table was covered in all sorts of colourful food and you all helped yourselves while making small talk, only managing to hear your parents due to the eery silence of the room, dead guards not needing to make any noise.

After the first few courses and once you had consumed enough white wine to gain some courage you turned to face your mother.

“Mum, I think I need a favour if that’s okay?” you asked with great caution, extremely aware of the powerful forces surrounding you.

“Well that depends dear. What is it?”

“After the battle and the… fall, I never got my reward remember, I instead asked to be able to come get it when I needed it.”

“Yes of course, I thought that was very smart!” your mother spoke cheerfully but you could feel Hades’ gaze on your back, burning through your skin and bones to the very essence of your soul. “Let me guess, you need it now?”

“If that’s okay, some things have changed recently and I now know what I need,” you smiled at her, “I met a man, well actually he’s a faerie. Aphrodite wanted us to meet because we’re soulmates and after my fall she thought I deserved to see him, but since he’s from another world he had to go back, and we can’t be together.” You wiped away a few stray tears you forced out; this was your game. Your mother didn’t visit you often so she had never seen this side of you, the side that could manipulate even a god into giving you what you wanted. “So I thought, maybe for my reward I could become Fae and be permitted to live with Azriel in his world, and maybe come and visit my friends occasionally?”

“Oh that sounds lovely dear! That’s so alike me, I had to beg my mother and even then she didn’t let me stay here,” your mother rattled on and you smiled at her, but your shoulders were still tense as you knew you hadn’t won yet. You turned to where Hades sat, rubbing his temples.

“I get it. I do. But I really don’t think my brother would allow that, it’s too much.”

“Too much?” you asked, a bitter laugh escaping.

“I understand you went through a lot,”

“Do you?” you couldn’t stop the biting words, “Because the last I checked you both sat and did nothing while I was tortured down there. You could’ve done something, but you didn’t, you made a choice not to, and now I ask for ONE thing, and it’s too much?” Hades’ glare was murderous, but you weren’t going to back down.

“I mean if you really think about it, I’ll be out of your hair if you agree. One less demi-god always seems to be a win for you guys.” Nico said your name in warning, but you slowly stood. “I am not asking for much, I am asking to be allowed to live a life with the man I love and after all I have been through, fighting YOUR battles, I think it’s the least I deserve.”

You held Hades’ gaze for a few more seconds until he spoke. “Are you sure your not a child of Nyx?” he asked, and you grinned, cocking your head to the side.

“Why would that be?”

“You have a pure evil streak in you girl and uncharted power. You better learn to control it, before someone catches on.”

“We won’t have a problem I’m presuming?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he said gruffly, going back to his meal and you relaxed, moving to hug your mother goodbye, whispering thanks to her, before linking arms with Nico and leaving.

--

The next day you awoke to a golden invitation to Olympus, and you smiled, soon. You’d be with him soon.

--

Olympus looked much nicer since Annabeth had gotten involved. You may have been biased but it seemed to hold a sense of home it never had before, the clinical cleanliness now feeling purer and more loving. The throne room however had remained much the same.

You stood alone in the middle surrounded by the arc of thrones, but you refused to take your eyes of Zeus. You had received a wink from Apollo and a smile from Aphrodite as you walked in but beside that it had been eye contact for at least five minutes. You knew better to speak before you were spoken to but the way they surrounded you and stared down on you was bringing up bad memories and you were really fighting a panic attack.

Seemingly sensing this Apollo cleared his throat, “Perhaps we should start father?” While you were grateful a part of you hated how well the flirtatious god knew you, he was the first to tend to your wounds when you first escaped, healing them enough so you wouldn’t die from blood loss but not enough for anyone to suggest he was picking favourites. His warm hands had provided a sense of comfort you thought you had lost entirely.

Zeus nodded slowly, a letter appearing in his hand, “So these are your terms? Transformation into high Fae, permission to live in a new world with visits back to this one twice a year?” you presumed Hades, or your mother had written the letter, neither of them present currently. You nodded clearly, not entirely trusting your voice.

“I guess it’s only fair, but a full transformation will hurt,”

“I’m sure I can take it.” you lifted your chin, holding your shaking hands tightly in an attempt to conceal them.

Zeus laughed, not taking his eyes of you, “I’m sure you can. Does anyone have any major oppositions?”

Aphrodite raised her hand, “I’d like to add that during her transformation, her womb changes shape so she may birth Illyrian children.” You shot her a grateful look, still not entirely sure why she was suddenly so invested in ensuring your happiness, but you wouldn’t complain.

Hera was the next to speak and you fought the urge to roll your eyes, “Why is she getting special treatment again? What did she do that was so different?”

“She was tortured for days!” Athena exclaimed,

“So?” Ares now.

“She was a child, it was brutal.” Apollo jumped to your aid and soon the chamber was filled with shouting voices as they argued over your fate.

“SILENCE.” Zeus quieted the room instantly and every eye turned to him, but he remained focused on you, “Well then? Answer the question girl, what makes you so special?”

You thought for a second before answering, “I don’t consider it special treatment. After the battles I’ve fought and the pain I’ve endured to help your causes, I’d consider it a form of retirement.” You kept Zeus’ gaze and let a streak of the evil Hades had warned you off show, smiling when his smug smile disappeared. He waved his hand, “Very well then, High Fae with altered womb and permission to live in their world and visit our occasionally, that is all?”

You nodded and he assessed you before holding out his hand, his gaze darkening. You furrowed your eyebrows as your limbs started to tingle before pain took over your entire body.

--

You had felt pain so many times before, pain that left more than just physical trauma, but this was different. You felt as if your blood had become fire and every bone was breaking as new ones reformed. You didn’t have any sense of time or place, all you could feel was pain. At one point you thought it was over only to open your eyes, feeling impossibly soft sheets beneath you, and see Apollo hovering over you, sweat dripping from his brow as he took some of the pain away, even for just a moment.

When you finally awoke you were on the ground. You stood up quickly, almost knocking yourself over as your movement were much faster than usual. You were outside a glowing city, it didn’t have skyscrapers like New York, but it was so comforting to look at you felt yourself being drawn in. As you crossed the border however, a beautiful man with dark hair appeared, his eyes narrowing.

“Who are you and why are you trying to get in here?” A shot of fear went through you as you felt his magic, it was thick in the air and powerful.

“I’m not going to hurt anyone, I’m just looking for someone,” you explained, swallowing down the lump in your throat. The handsome man’s gaze turned vacant before softening after a moment.

“I apologise, I’m Rhysand. Let me help you find whoever it is, what’s their name?”

“That’s okay, really. His name is Azriel, but I don’t think he’s expecting me.” Rhysand stopped, his head turning towards you, “what is it?” you asked.

“(y/n)?”

“How do you know my name?” you stepped back but he held out his hands,

“No, no I’m Az’s brother, let me take you to him.” he grabbed your arm softly and suddenly you were standing in a warm room facing Azriel. You felt tears fill your eyes as you stared at him, he uttered your name in question and you nodded running into his arms, completely engulfed by his scent, tears of joy running down your face when you suddenly realised something, pulling away.

“Did you say brother?” you turned to Rhysand, feeling all the plants in the air respond to your calls, when Azriel tugged you back to him.

“Not biological don’t worry.” He whispered and Rhysand laughed.

“I like her.”

“Hmm I was two seconds away from castrating you,” His eyes widened slightly and you laughed, turning back to Azriel as he looked over you.

“How- you, you’re Fae?” His eyes were filled with worry again, afraid he was being tricked.

“I never got my reward remember, I knew I would need it in the future,” you smiled at him as he cupped your face and leaned down to kiss you. You pulled apart, Azriel growling when you heard catcalls, turning, and seeing the room had practically filled. A shot of fear went through you as your eyes landed on another man who had red siphons, and Azriel followed your gaze, a hand stroking your face in reassurance.

“So this must be (y/n), welcome to our home, I’m Feyre,” A beautiful woman stepped forward and clasped your hand in hers, which you noted were stained from paint. Everyone else soon made introductions and they urged you to sit as you found out about this makeshift family Azriel was in.

“Oh! That’ll be Nyx, I’ll go,” Feyre said when a baby started crying in the distance,

“Wait what did she say the babies name was?” You asked, holding in a laugh.

“Nyx?” Rhys said,

“Oh, course, cool cool cool,”

“What?” Azriel asked, looking at you strangely.

“I’ve kind of met her,”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, she’s like the evilest deity there is, and she did not like me,” Rhysand stared at you with a look of shock on his face, but before anyone said anything else, Amren was laughing loudly.

“You must tell me all about these Gods girl.”

--------------------------------------------------

tags: @tastedlikedamnation

[didsomeonesaydaddydraco]

Drown your demons | Draco Malfoy one shot

Request: yes! @daltonacademia (maybe draco with the prompt "are you drunk?"(You don't have to do any of this) but I imagine him drunk on the astronomy tower because his home life is too much and you find him and comfort him maybe???Also ily)

Word count: 2,834 words

Warning: drinking, dark thoughts

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader 

Note: This was a requests from the prompt list. Used prompt: “Are you drunk?” (22.)

Everything has changed since the Ministry announced that He Who Shall Not Be Named returned. Hogwarts, the place that once was home and safety for its students became the main target. Darkness shadowed the place and everyone who was there. It felt like everyone was fighting with their own demons, some of them with even bigger and meaner ones. Students were afraid to walk to class or back to their dorms alone, always going in smaller or bigger groups. The Golden Trio acted even stranger than before, and the Professors kept a closer look on everyone and everything. Everyone had secrets, even those, who looked innocent. Trust became the most fragile and important thing, but they struggled to trust each other. It was impossible to tell who was loyal, and the biggest question was, if they were, who they were to? 

“Hi, guys” Y/N greeted her fellow housemates and sat down next to Pansy Parkinson, who quickly hugged her friend and offered her a cup of pumpkin juice. Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott greeted her with a smile, but immediately went back to their conversation about Quiditch. Y/N looked at the students from Slytherin, seeing familiar facies from higher years, some of her friends, but not who she was looking for. She hadn’t seen Draco Malfoy all day, which was odd, because he never missed a class. They weren’t exactly close friends, but they were in the same group of friends, and Y/N acknowledged the young wizard’s strange behaviour. Draco became even more distant with his friends, and skipped their study sessions in the Common Room. He looked paler than ever, and dark circles shadowed his porcelain like skin. He hardly ever joined them for any of the meals, and when he did, he just played with his food and excused himself shortly after sitting down. 

“Where’s Draco?” Y/N asked her friends, but the look on their faces told her everything. They didn’t know where he was and what he was doing, but they were getting worried about him too. His behaviour wasn’t unnoticed, but every time any of them tried to ask him about his struggles and problems, he shove them away and said they should mind their own business. She sighed and shook her head. This whole situation was affecting their friendship, and she hated to see how her friends chose to act like the problem wasn’t even there in the first place. Their friend clearly needed help, or just someone who checked on him from time to time, just to see that he was alright and wasn’t harming himself “I’ll go and find him” she stormed out of the Great Hall, not exactly knowing where to find Draco. She didn’t know him too well, but she knew he was good at sneaking up to places he wasn’t supposed to. She tried the library, knowing that during dinner time, it would be almost completely empty, leaving it a perfect hiding spot for Draco. But Madam Pince told her Draco wasn’t there, and she hadn’t seen him in weeks. Which was odd, because Draco told them several times, that he couldn’t hang out with them because he wanted to study in the library alone. She was wandering around the castle, trying to figure out where he could be. She even asked Peeves, if he had seen Malfoy, but he only looked at her and vanished away without a word. She was getting worried by every minute, and she almost gave up on finding him, when she remembered something. Draco was fascinated by the Astronomy Tower and he sometimes sneaked up there is the middle of the night when he thought everyone was asleep. Students weren’t allowed to go there alone, but this never seemed to concern most. It was a well liked hiding spot for secret lovers to meet up without anyone noticing them. So of course it was perfect for someone, who wanted to be left alone. She made sure nobody was following her, and Filch wasn’t anywhere to be seen before she sneaked up to the Tower, cursing herself for not bringing her robe with herself. It was the end of October, and the weather was terrible all week. It rained non-stop and the cold headwind of November was already running through the corridors of Hogwarts. The higher she got, the more audible the sound of rain get. She was praying to find him there.

“Y/L/N?” Y/N took a deep breathe and looked up when she heard someone calling her name. Draco was sitting on the floor, his back leaned to the wall. A half empty bottle of Firewhiskey was placed by his side and his long fingers were holding a crystal glass “What are you doing here?”

“Are you drunk?” Y/N was more worried than before. She wasn’t a saint, she knew it. They shared their fair amount of parties that ended pretty badly with a terrible hangover the next morning, but seeing Draco sitting on the ground and drinking by himself alarmed something in her. She felt in her bones that something was wrong and maybe his problem was worse than she imagined.

“You didn’t answer my question” he chuckled darkly and lifted the glass to his lips. She watched as he emptied the glass with only one sip and refilled it right after. She didn’t know if she was supposed to stay right where she was, or if she was supposed to sit down next to him. She just stood there and tried to find the right words or figure out what to do. 

“Neither did you” she bit back and took a step closer to reach the bottle on the ground and take it away from Draco, but the boy was faster and grabbed it before she had the chance “Malfoy, what’s going on with you? You’re not the…”

“Same?” Draco laughed and stood up, but he had to lean back to the wall to stay steady “Oh, please. Don’t act like you know me or care about me” he rolled his eyes and turned his back to her. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be left alone with his thoughts and sorrow. Everything was getting too much for him, and he knew he couldn’t ask his friends help, because he wasn’t allowed to say anything at all. He was alone in that madness and no-one was there to help him. His thoughts were in a very dark place, and there were days when the only solution he could think of was ending his pain. Hogwarts used to be his safe place, where he couldn’t wait to come back every year to be away from his toxic father. But now, no matter where he was, Voldemort was there. At school, people were whispering about the dark wizard and everyone was waiting for the moment he would show up and kill everyone. At home, Voldemort was walking around their home like it was his own. Draco couldn’t found his place in this world anymore, and the only way he could tolerate that sorry excuse of life was if he was drunk. 

“Stop pushing us away” her tone surprised Draco. He always knew she wasn’t someone you wanted to mess with, because she could turn from literal sunshine to deathly ice in just a second and ruin your whole life is she wanted to, but she never used this cold and demanding tone with him before “You think you’re such a good liar, but the truth is, you’re terrible at it. So please, spare us the unnecessary drama and argument, and tell me what’s wrong with you, so I can help”

Draco watched her. She was standing a few steps away, her hands folded in front of her chest. He watched as her chest rose and shrunk with her deep breathes, the mixture of determination and worry was written all over her pretty face. He always found her the most beautiful girl in the whole school. Something about her made Y/N absolutely irresistible, and he often found himself just watching her basically just existing. She was stronger than she looked like. But she was naive. She wanted to believe everyone was good deep down so she treated everyone the same. And Draco knew this would be the end of her one day. Could he trust in her? Could he just open and tell her how much he hated his sorry excuse of a father for ruining their family? Could he tell her how scared he was that his mother would get hurt or worse, killed? Could he tell her about the burning mark on his  left arm, remembering him about all the bad things he had already done and the bad things that were still waiting for him? Could he ruin her with the truth? Draco scoffed and gulped down the liquor in his glass. He needed the alcohol to numb his pain and silence his thoughts. He loved the floating feeling and how he stopped thinking and feeling for a few hours. But he also knew it wasn’t the solution. Draco was used to pushing people away and not caring if someone wanted to help him, but his mind was so dark, he knew he had to found the light again. Maybe Y/N was the light he was searching for for so long.

“Everything seems to be exhausting me, no matter how much sleep of how much coffee of whiskey I drink, or how long I lie down” he looked at her “Something inside me seems to have give up. My soul is tired” his eyes were fixed on her face, looking for the slightest sign of sorry, but all he could see was calmness. She was actually listening to him. She didn’t try to tell him to get his shit together and stop acting like a whining baby. She looked like she knew exactly what he was going through “Every fucking time I ask myself if this whole thing is my fault, the way I feel” he was raging. His lips were moving without his permission and his words were slipping out. Maybe he was saying too much, but he didn’t care. Not there and then. All he knew was he finally had someone to talk to. He was selfish. He knew this could end up with a tragedy, but he also knew he would never let anything bad happen to her. Just the single thought of Voldemort going any near to any of his friends made his blood boil and without thinking, he threw the glass to the wall with full force. He watched how the crystal fall to tiny pieces, and he ironically found similarity to how he fell apart during summer break, when everything changed in his life “This molten inside me screams at me that of course it is. I am sensitive, stupid. I’m making this worse and worse. Everything is my fucking fault”

“Sometimes the word place you can be is in your head” Draco found her voice rather calming and kind. It was new to him. The last few years, the only kind voice was his mother’s, but after everything that happened, she hardly talked anymore. Draco knew she was trying to stay strong for him, but he heard her crying in her bedroom so many times. He hated that he didn’t know how to talk to her about feelings. He wanted to be there for his mother and protect her. 

“I’m a fucking coward” he punched the wall hard. And again. And again, until his skin was bruised and blood was leaking from the wounds on his knuckles. He felt a soft hand stopping him from another punch. Y/N was holding his nasty fist in her small hands, looking up at Draco with a knowing look. Her eyes were so pure and clear, Draco never wanted to look away from them. He found something in there, that he thought he would never be able to find in his life. He found peace. 

“You wake up every morning to fight the same demon that left you so tired the night before, and that Draco, is bravery” she said in a calm voice. Y/N knew it wasn’t going to help if she starts yelling at him. Draco was in desperate need for a soul, who was there to protect him from his own self. He looked at the bottle in his hand and could imagine how pathetic he would have looked like. Standing there, so drunk he could barely think straight or stand of his own legs. Trying to drown his demons, only to realise, the only demon was at his childhood home, plotting a murder on Harry Potter and everyone who was trying to defeat him. He took one huge gulp from the burning liquor and throw it down from the Tower “Draco”

“I’m a bad person” he turned around to face her again. She was shaking, but it was hard to tell is she was just cold or she was scared. He wouldn’t have been surprised if she was terrified of him. He would have hated to be in the same room as him. 

“You’re not a bad person for the ways you try to kill your sadness” she smiled softly at him. Draco felt a little warmness in his heart. She had a pretty smile, it could lit up the whole Common Room. Such a small gesture, but it was a foreign gesture for him, it almost broke him down is loud sobs. 

“Look at you, so pretty and naive” he said and placed two of his fingers under her chin to tilt her head up so he could take a better look at her. Her beautiful eyes were studying his featured, trying to figure out what was going on in his mind, what he was feeling, what he was fearing, but all she could see was darkness and how lost and lonely he was “I’m not talking about the drinking, darling” 

Y/N caught Draco’s quick glance to his left forearm and it suddenly clicked to her. Everything was crystal clear. She wasn’t stupid, she knew what was going on out there. Everyone knew Voldemort was building his own army, and he needed to followers to join the Death Eaters. She knew about Lucius Malfoy being one of them, but she would have never imagined that he would force his one and only son to be one of them too. Draco was a git. A filthy little, arrogant asshole who enjoyed torturing others with his pathetic insults, and he was brought up in a family who only believed in pureblood, but he was a good person. A good, but lost boy, who was never told how to be good. He did what he thought would make his father happy and proud. Death Eater or not, Draco needed someone. 

“You know” he breathed “In another life, where there is no war, no dark wizards” he shook his head “In another life, I would grab your hand and hop on the first plane to take you away from everything and everyone bad, to marry you” Draco couldn’t believe his own words that were leaving his mouth. They were true though. He found his peace in her, and she was still there. Draco knew he didn’t have to say those words, because she already knew. She couldn’t hide the shock on her face, but she was still there, holding his hand that was still tilting her head up and stroking the side of his palm softly. 

“It doesn’t have to be another life” she sat down on the ground, pulling Draco with her and pushing him down to lay his head on her lap “I’m here now. You’re not alone anymore, Draco” that was it. Draco reached his breaking point and let out a loud sob. He buried his face in her stomach and let out everything. All the pain, all the fair, all the loneliness. He was finally breaking free from his own prison and he was trying to found the answer how he got so lucky to have her by his side in such a dark time. She knew she was getting herself in so much trouble, and getting detention was the less scariest one of them. But she didn’t care. Draco was someone who deserved to be loved, and she was willing to do it. She stayed there with him, leaning her head to the wall of the Astronomy Tower, watching the pouring rain, listening how Draco’s sobs slowly calmed down and turned into soft snores. She held him all night, trying to keep the demons away from him for a few hours. From then, Draco was only scared of one thing. That he was falling in love with someone for the first time in his life - and the last time too.