#the only thing that gets better isn't affecting my mental state at all so it kinda changes FUCKING NOTHING

[path0logicalfacade]

the way i fucking laughed at this message i swear to god, first thing to make me genuinely laugh in a while.

[thependancer]

An analysis of the voices in Moment of Clarity

Before we get into the analysis, a little note:

1- I am mostly trying to show how the trauma has affected each voice compared to them on their normal routes. If they have deviations in other chapters and I have stated them as trauma responses, correct me.

2- I tried my best but some voices are just difficult 😭. So sorry if I couldn't give a satisfying explanation to your favourite.

Without further ado, let's begin:

Firstly, it should be noted that what exactly happened after you decided to stay with The Nightmare is something not even the voices themselves are sure about. But what we do know is that whatever the events were they were horrific. The voices have tried everything up to this point except freeing her. And since nothing was working and it was only making things worse, they are effectively useless now. Even the Narrator acknowledges that they are all extremely traumatized.

So let's see how these voices handle trauma.

1) The Voice of the Broken:

The voice of the Broken has shown incredible resilience and empathy in the past. And in this route he is somehow even more broken. He is also on the "Free the Princess" team, however he only wants to do it because he wants this misery to end. He has the most interesting explanation as to why we(the player) can't remember being here through all those lifetimes.

"Maybe you're shattered in your own way."

Ding Ding Ding. We've found the trauma response. The Broken has been shattered more than he already was. His will and empathy have run out. Where once he probably tried accepting the Princess, the Princess just shattered them further. He just wants to be done with it. As he says, "She smashes us to smaller pieces."

2) The Voice of the Cheated:

The voice of the cheated is the only voice to comment on the absurdity of us having so many voices. And he says it as if he's complaining about it. It's the only thing he can really do in that situation really. The Cheated does NOT like losing. But after complaining for so long and ultimately getting no where, he just accepts defeat at this point.

"It doesnt matter what we do. Because we always find her. And if we don't find her, she always finds us."

Subsequently he is on the "I don't fucking care what happens anymore" team. That isn't to say he doesn't want this to end. He does but he has just given up on trying to 'win' and get an ending. Effectively he wants to quit now. And he doesn't care if it's by completing the game or hitting alt+f4.

3) The Voice of the Smitten:

The voice of the Smitten has an interesting trauma response. The relation here is almost parallel to the relation Broken has with The Tower, except somehow worse. Smitten is incapable of seeing faults in the Princess. And when questioned if we really do love her after all shes done to us he tries to justify his love by saying

"To be given an ounce of kindness from something so pure would be more pure than any other love."

After we say that the voices in our head are wrong, he replies

"She is the ONLY THING that's right."

The Smitten is heartbroken. He's like that ex you broke up with but he still texts 'I love you' every night. Except the Princess has probably toyed with the Smittens love. But the Smitten can't not love her. So he decides he must become good enough to earn the love of "our cruel and beautiful godess". And the only way to do that is to free her. He doesn't want freedom he wants affection.

4) The Voice of the Hunted:

The Hunted was already one of the weaker voices mentally. Here he's just completely silent. He has like 6 lines the whole route. Which is only 1 more than the Stubborn. The Hunted is scared. He is almost paranoid. He doesn't even tell us to do this or that. He doesn't even comment on the mirror.

I personally feel Hunted was so broken that like a scared animal he decided it was better to hide. He does speak out in agreement to Cold when he says we sealed our fate by not killing her. Interestingly, the response is very minimal. Primitive even.

"Kill or be killed."

Which if you know Hunted, is not a normal response. He usually wants to run or hide. He never wants to kill, just survive. But here he says it would have been better to just kill. So whatever Nightmare did has made Hunted go from run to hide to kill or be killed. Wow! This is like prey animal that when cornered will just lash out in violence if they have no other choice. And that's exactly what Hunted is.

Now we start getting into some really interesting deviations.

5) The Voice of the Opportunist:

The voice of the Opportunist is so unbelievably broken its unreal. First thing to note is he already has an opinion. Secondly, he defends his own opinion. That isn't very opportunistic. He doesn't even flip flop like in his other routes. He's so different in this one, almost as if he's gained empathy as a response to trauma. He eve tries to comfort other voices like the Broken.

"You did your best really. There's just a pecking order."

And he is the only voice who tries explaining to Skeptic why his constant questions are bothering them. He does it in a positive way as well.

"They're good questions. Great questions even. But they just don't have any answers."

And he clearly doesn't care what the others think about him at this point. He's also the few voices that have some semblance of sense. Like when Cold tells them to be unfeeling, Oppy says,

"He's not wrong. He's the only smart one left if you ask me."

Again a very different opinion from the rest of the voices that deem Cold to be a nuisance. He's in the minority here. And yet when you return and start making choices, he's so relieved.

"I'm sure whatever you settle on, it'll be the best possible decision you could've made."

The reason he's relieved is because there is someone actually in control. There is a decision maker he can agree with. Finally, someone to try and suade. But this is still the most resolute we've ever seen him.

6) The Voice of the Stubborn:

He is probably the most fed up with everyone else's bullshit. Interestingly though on this route he isn't urging us to face the Princess. The only route where he isn't in a hurry to reach the cabin. He has completely lost the spirit to fight. If you got knocked out, this Stubborn could not revive you. He still wants to get physical, just can't. Who's he supposed to fight? The Princess? That's already been tried. The other voices? Now that's an idea.

"Shut up. You {Contrarion} were here."

Fight me. It's right there he wants Contrarion to punch him so he can punch him.

"Ugh. Here you {Skeptic} go philosophising again. It never goes anywhere."

I'm mocking you what you gonna do about it? Fight me. But it's hopeless. He can't even be bothered to instigate a fight anymore. But he's the macho man. What will the others think of him if he isn't aggresive? The truth is others don't really care. But he does. So he says to smash the mirror. Partly cause he wants to feel the spark of a fight again, partly cause that's what others expect of him.

7) The Voice of the Paranoid:

He is STRESSED. To the point he's constantly thinking about the Princess. He only has one goal in mind. Free the Princess. Escape. Get out of here. Make the thoughts stop!!!!

Such a precious broken boi. He just wants peace. He states,

"(Freeing her) It's the only way to get our thoughts back."

He can also feel eyes on him. Not sure if that's just Para being Para or due to trauma. But he is growing restless because of it.

"She's watching us. She never stops watching us."

He also doesn't talk much. Like he's scared the princess will hear him. He was always quiet but he's unnaturally quiet. He also really really wants to free the Princess. Overall he's Paranoid, can't think about anything except wanting to free the Princess so he can have his thoughts back.

8) The Voice of the Contrarion:

Contrarion has always been a nihilist. Nothing matters so let's just have fun cue laughter. However, here we can't really have fun. So his attitude becomes, nothing matters cue laughter. Which just makes him seem so sad.

"There's no difference between fine and not fine. It just goes on and on."

We know that Contrarion does hate himself. But here he's trying so hard to hide it here. He does not want to look at himself. He doesn't even want to think about himself. When Skeptic starts to question identity. He's also been asked this before but he would rather look away than look at himself.

"Yes this is far from the first time you've asked us about consciousness. (In a mocking tone) 'Who am I?', 'What am I?'; (Angrily) What is 'I'? Who even cares."

The Nightmare has broken him so much but he'd rather ignore it. When the voices are telling us what to do with the mirror in the cabin, he says

"Just go around it."

He's so done with himself. He doesn't even want to look at himself. He thinks that the most disgusting thing he could see HIMSELF. Not only this he tries to dodge almost every question we pose.

"What does here even mean if you think about it?"

He doesn't want to acknowledge anything even remotely related to him. Where was I? It doesn't matter, nobody really cares about me.... atleast I don't.

9) The Voice of the Cold:

The voice of the Cold has barely been affected. Makes sense. But what's interesting about him is he has actually been affected. He either doesn't know or he is purposely ignoring it. He has become more irritable. He develops a form of empathy. He has some pity.

" I've tried to keep them numb but they are all too soft. A shame, really."

That doesn't sound like the backseat driver Cold we know? Cold wants to help the other voices but he well can't.

"You're lucky you haven't been stuck here like the rest of them. There's no other way to keep going. You either need to forget or you need to stop feeling much of anything. They can't do either."

The Cold tried to help them. But the nature of the voices doesn't let them be helped. Cold is severely disappointed because of this. He even blames the player for ending up in this position when he says,

"You sealed our fate when you refused to kill her."

He just wants the player to make decisions independent of the voices. He's seen what they all do. He sees that it always ends in losses. He thinks the player was there when the other voices were having a try. He thinks the player was just listening to their requests.

"You always give too much space to others. It's why you always lose."

He is also the chattiest in this route. He also has many lines where he just tells us to be unfeeling. He's trying to protect us as well. But he's also bored. And he just wants it to end because he's bored.

10) The Voice of the Skeptic:

Possibly the most broken of the bunch. He is TRAUMATIZED. Normally, Skeptic is the most grounded. He's the guy who always has a plan. But here? He's useless. He realises this. And just breaks. He can't answer any question. How many times have we been here?

"Many many many many times."

Skeptic, wheres the numbers? Was I here?

"Are you your memories? Or are you the one perceiving the present moment?"

For someone who really loves answers, he sure doesn't seem to have any. The most logical voice being turned completely insane. He can't accept anything.

"Can we love something that hates us? Can we love something that hurts us?"

He's trying to distract himself. He doesn't want to think about the situation. He doesn't want to THINK. That's so bizarre. The Nightmare has broken Skeptic so much he doesn't want to do the one thing he loves to do. In fact when we reach the Long Quiet his first words are,

"I can finally think again."

11) The Voice of the Hero:

The voice of the Hero has a reaction that would make anyone furious at the nightmare for what she did to our boy. Hero is normally jocund, enthusiastic, understanding, and overall lovely. But here he is depressed. He doesn't talk much which is unusual. He always has something to say. But he's just so defeated. When the Narrator tells you the only thing you can do is go to the cabin, Hero replies

"Or you could just give up."

Hero says that. Not Broken. Hero. Our Hero. The one who is always encouraging us through our journey. The one we can trust no matter the circumstances. Our best friend. This line is the most terrifying part of Moment of Clarity. If we had any optimism going in, it had left us in this moment.

"You're lucky. What I would give to be able to forget."

Please someone comfort our boy. He deserves all the chocolates in the world.

In the Long Quiet

Once you reach the Long Quiet the voices seem to ease up a little. They see death within arms reach and think it a mercy. As Hero puts it:

"Something tells me this is the end of the line, but I don't feel bad about it. I'm ready."

Which is a striking contrast to his usual plea to not look at it. His fear of death is converted to a longing of it. Which could be seen as a another proof of why the Narrator's utopia is wrong. Because people who have lived a nightmare long for change and even death. And so he is at ease.

The Broken says,

"It feels okay."

Which is huge for our boi. Broken never feels alright. He is always sad or depressed. Something is always not okay with him. But after living through a nightmare, things finally seem okay. And so he is at ease.

The Paranoid says

"The fear's gone."

Again an amazing development. Paranoid always feels watched, and he's scared of who it is and why is he being watched. But in his final moments, living through a nightmare, he realises that the fear has no place in him anymore. And so he is at ease.

The Stubborn says,

"I'm done fighting."

This statement is a confession. He had long lost the spark for a fight, but here he can finally admit it. He doesn't want to fight anymore. He doesn't want to resist anymore. He wants to let go, and he does. And so he is at ease.

The Smitten says

"My heart feels quiet."

The fire of passion is fierce. And here it burns the Smitten. He wanted affection. He desired a connection with the Princess. His heart was incapable of doing anything but. Now as he is unraveled, his passion is extinguished. His heart is quiet. He never did get the affection he desired but realised he didn't need it. And so he is at ease.

The Cheated says,

"The game was always going to end."

For him, this is an ending screen for a rage game. He hated the experience the whole way through. He constantly faced losses. But he persevered. And so he found the ending. After all, no matter how extensive the game was, it was always going to end. He is glad he didn't quit. He got to see the ending. And so he is at ease.

The Cold says,

"I'll be free of all of you."

The worst part about this nightmare wasn't the nightmare itself. It was the fact it was hurting the ones around him. They got hurt abd yet he was as unfeeling as ever. He knew he had to be right. After all, wasn't he the only sane one left? Now as death approaches, he doesn't have to help carry the burden of others. And so he is at ease.

The Skeptic says,

"I'm ready for the truth."

The Skeptic was thoroughly broken throughout this experience. A man of reality shatters when reality shatters. And the thinker's response to doubt is to seek. But no answers were present in the nightmare. Now there is something that is very clear in purpose. Something easy to test. The mirror is death? Alright then let's see the truth. There are answers again. And so he is at ease.

The Hunted says,

"I'm ready to sleep."

An animal who has tried everything to protect itself and failed over and over again. A wounded creature who was pushed to his limits. But he is very tired now. He tried his very best. Yet it seems death is inevitable. He has remained vigilant and fearful throughout the nightmare. Now he feels safe enough to rest. And so he is at ease.

The Contrarion says,

"I'm just ready to be anywhere that isn't here."

The nightmare had shown him how low of a person he could be. He has come to associate that version of himself with those wretched circumstances. As he leaves that place behind he leaves behind his self hatred. He wants to get on with it already. He finds esteem in himself and his voice now echoes with joy and pride. And so he is at ease.

The Opportunist says,

"Boys..... it's been an honour."

The one who has never experienced true connection. The one who is constantly at odds with himself and everyone. Throughout the nightmare he garners genuine connection and empathy. He realises that the ones he should truly support are those that he loves not those that are the top of a pecking order. He finally finds that connection in this moment with the others. And so he is at ease.

And so they are at ease.

[girlcowboy1]

I think gen z ultimately lost the war against mental illness when they decided to adapt the older generations rhetoric of "mentally ill ppl who have noticeable symptoms are bad and evil and must be avoided at all costs, they deserve to be alone and die alone" which... most people are not saying that outright, but that IS what they're saying, whether they realize it or not, when they choose to discuss these issues based on personal concepts of morality and punishment instead of approaching it with a mix of empathy and an understanding of science, and how the brain operates.

"Having a mental illness isn't an excuse" is true to a certain extent, but I think a lot of people don't understand that to an extent, it also IS an excuse. The only reason people like to believe that it isn't in any capacity is because mental illness is an invisible disability, and if there's one thing that people love to dismiss the impact of, it's invisible disabilities. Because we can't see what's going on beneath the surface, we struggle to understand the issue, we struggle to empathize with the affected person, whom we may prefer to instead write off as being lazy or malicious, when in reality they are in pain and/or are missing an important tool that helps them function the way they'd like to.

Before getting on medication, I felt and (still sometimes feel) as though I existed behind an invisible glass that separated me from everyone else. I could not understand the point of a lot of mundane things, I couldn't relate to those around me, I felt like my existence was a mistake that should have never happened and the universe was attempting to expunge me by making my life so hard I would kill myself.

And then I got on medication, and suddenly I was able to see things that I had never seen before but had existed in front of me the whole time. I was able to be kinder to people, to be more patient, to talk myself out of bad thoughts I would previously ruminate about for days and weeks. I was able to communicate more coherently, to express my feelings in a way I couldn't before. I wanted to do things again. I wanted to dress up, look nice. I wanted to BE nice.

Of course, these are all still things I struggle with. Like with most tools for disability, medication is helpful in giving me the ability to function in a way that makes life more enjoyable— but it doesn't completely cure the issue. The point is. I tried so hard, time and time again, to change on my own. I tried taking supplements, I tried mindfulness, I tried changing the way I eat, I tried self-help videos/books. But I was a deeply depressed, deeply agitated person whose brain was not wired the way it should have been. So none of what I tried would stick. I would act out in ways I KNEW was wrong, but when you get into a certain state of mind, it's difficult to speak to yourself, to talk yourself down from doing or saying things you know you probably shouldn't. Especially when you feel so isolated from others, and struggle to see the point in anything.

It was only after medication that I made long-term improvements. It was only after my brain chemistry was physically altered in a positive way that my brain could begin to function better, and that my outward behavior improved.

How the anatomy of the brain effects a person is a crucial part of mental health that gets left out of relating discussions too often, I think, and its where I believe gen z unfortunately tends to overlap with gen x and boomers. The brain is an organ like any other, and if it is damaged, or sick, or lacking somewhere in its anatomy.... it will not function properly. The person whose body it inhabits will not function properly.

[vasito-de-leche]

Do you have any specific queer headcannons of r1999 characters if so which ones and why?

I wrote a bunch of stuff for this post but then tumblr fucked me up and reloaded without saving it so here we are..... rewriting it all over again ... OAUGH. usually I default to seeing everyone as Vaguely Bisexual and Not Cis until stated otherwise, but you asked for specifics so here we go!

6 is aromantic or demiromantic.

On one hand, it's because I love projecting on my faves. On the other hand, it's because he genuinely doesn't feel like the type of person to be interested in relationships. But this isn't something that's tied to any potential disgust, repulsion or even trauma related to his Revelation and struggle against fate -- to me, 6 just doesn't feel romantic attraction. At the very least, nothing strong enough to consider pursuing. It's not in his priorities. I really dislike this specific thing that fandoms do in which every single character who is introverted, or who happens to be alone/isolated (either by chance or by choice) is secretly lonely, touch starved, pining and desperate for attention and romantic love. It feels like such a huge disrespect for their equally important platonic or familial relationships. 6 already holds a lot of love for his own community and his childhood friends, a type of affection that is shown in his subtle and unique ways. I like it when his character focuses on those aspects instead!

Mesmer Jr. is aromantic and asexual.

In her case, she's the opposite of 6. Mesmer Jr.'s trauma and OCD is much too intense for her to even consider the idea of an emotional or physical bond with anyone. She's disgusted at the idea of touching others so casually, and she's afraid at the possibility of allowing a person (someone she logically cannot have any control over) into her life because what if they throw her off her schedule? What if they mess every meticulous thing she's planned for herself and her mental stability? What if she loses her grip? Yes, it's plausible that she may find a partner who works perfectly with the way she needs things to be, and yes, you can headcanon that she heals and her OCD becomes "manageable" enough to have a stable relationship, but personally? I just like it when characters don't get to have stereotypical happy endings in which everything gets better through love and friendship and support -- like, yeah everyone loves to see their faves happy and all but eh... It's a bit of projection on my part! Some people don't get to heal and do all the things their disabilities prevented them from doing, even if we're given all this support and love. Some of us just have to find ways around these things, anything that works for us that makes our lives easier.

Sweetheart is queer but has a complex relationship with love. In a somewhat similar vein, Blonney has gone through every single letter of the LGTBQ+ community.

I tried my best to explain my thoughts on Sweetheart but at this point she deserves her own post because it's honestly a LOT, this single part was just too long so I cut it out entirely. Just trust me when I say she's queer and has a very complex relationship with love. In Blonney's case, we discussed the possibility of her being written as comphet and it got me to think a little about her. I see Blonney as the type of girl who presents as a straight bimbo, following the themes of her character and all, but who has constant crisis after crisis in the privacy of her bedroom, the only place she's allowed to be more than just a blondie. This constant journey questioning her orientations and gender happens entirely in her head and in private. I like to think that she just has these long monologues in her head. Sure, she's identified as straight her whole life, but maybe bisexual works better because there was that one girl she kept meeting under the bleachers. Oh, but maybe she's a lesbian, since all her boyfriends are just huge disappointments and none of them ever make her truly happy. Oh, but maybe that's just because she has bad taste in men, there was that one guy in class who keeps making her laugh after all. Ahh, this would be so much easier if she were a guy, her femininity is mostly performative after all. Ah, but she actually really loves pink and fashion... Nonbinary then? No, she's not the type to pick something so vague, it's one or the other. Oh, how about both? Genderfluid! Etc etc. If you ask her about how she identifies, she'll simply brush you off with a "What's it to you? That's none of your business, creep!" and move on, but this is something very personal to her. So far, she knows she likes being femme presenting and that she likes Jessica!

Eagle is a trans girl.

Have you guys seen those posts going around tumblr about how important it is that trans women exist because they fight for their own womanhood and girlhood in a world that constantly looks down upon feminine things and all women as a whole? Yeah. Yeah. Eagle being a scout that fights so hard to prove herself, the feelings of not belonging into the Boy Scouts and seeing how the Girl Scouts are created eventually, a space for her. The fact that she visits her father's grave so that he can see her grow up.

Kaalaa Baunaa, Oliver Fog, Medicine Pocket and Melania are probably bisexual, but they're super busy with work so they don't have time to address that.

Self-explanatory <3 I do like to think that Kaalaa and Medpoc are more chill about it, Kaalaa because she's a grown ass woman who is very mature, and Medpoc because they genuinely give no fucking shits about dating in general, so who cares about confirming whether they're bisexual or not. Oliver Fog is a little more flustered at the idea of exploring his orientation and whatnot, but it's tolerable. BUT MELANIA? I LOVE to think that she's FULLY aware that the MOMENT she acknowledges her bisexuality, she will have a crisis and then what will she do? She has 3 papers due next week and a heist this weekend, she can't possibly sit there wondering about liking girls! She's got things to do!

And here's the extra round of HCs that don't require that much text to explain or that lean towards being more silly!

Eternity has literally outlived the concept of gender. She/They royalty.

37 has QRPs instead. It Just Works. No one but herself and her partners understand the dynamics, though. As god intended <3

APPLe is a raging bisexual and has been spotted in many gay bars. Regulus is also bisexual.

The world would've been a better place if Bette was a butch lesbian.

Balloon Party and An-An Lee play with gender like its playdough.

Baby Blue is Not Cis and she's Not Straight either because none of that shit matters to her anymore, since she's been disconnected from reality and society for so long. She also doesn't care about labelling herself.

Diggers is trans, but no one can figure out which way exactly. It doesn't help that he refuses to clarify either. The same thing happens with John Titor, except she's very vocal about being a transwoman.

Bunny Bunny is bisexual but she hasn't realized this yet. In similar fashion, Horropedia is bisexual but he just forgets about it sometimes.

Druvis III as a trans woman goes hand in hand with Forget Me Not as a gay man. This is why they're both super divorced.

Leilani is pansexual because she prefers the colors of that specific flag over the bisexual one. Spathodea is pansexual because the personal distinction between pansexuality and bisexuality matters to her.

Tennant is bisexual because she can scam and seduce more people that way.

The Fool is nonbinary. Mf should've been born in the 2020's, I just KNOW he would've loved mirrorgender.

Zima is in the closet not out of shame but out of safety. Just in case.

Sotheby assumes that every girl in the world likes girls. So far no one has been able to prove her wrong because all she does is interact with other sapphic girls.

Pavia is nonbinary out of spite. But I also love transguy Pavia HCs so so so much, give that guy boobs, he would never get top surgery <3

Vertin is nonbinary too but she doesn't care about people knowing about it. She does, however, make the effort to be a little androgynous, as a treat for herself.

Madam Z and Katz absolutely had a Situationship going on during university. Katz was bicurious and Madam Z helped her experiment. Now the Situationship is between Madam Z and Constantine, the latter using Madam Z as a rebound after fumbling her relationship with Vertin's mother <- the machinations in my brain will astonish you.

TTT is genderfluid by virtue of being a picture on a TV, so I like to think she can just shift her appearance. In similar fashion, gender means nothing to Alien T and Voyager because they're aliens.

I specifically love the idea of all of the 1.2 gang joking about how Tooth Fairy is their token straight adult figure -- she's actually bi and asexual, but likes to keep that to herself so the kids can make their little jokes and have fun.

Enigma is gay and homophobic because his self-loathing is just that strong.

Turns out that the push Click needed to explore his own sexuality was getting killed on the battlefield, so now he's free to be gay. perhaps bicurious.

[olderthannetfic]

I was an undiagnosed autistic until after I graduated, so for a long time I had a lot of difficulty making friends, particularly in IRL spaces. By the time I was 16 literally every friend I had was online, and since the adults in my life weren't ideal, this online group was really the only support group I had. Unfortunately they were all antis, but they were never the aggressive kind, and I wasn't very well versed in anti/pro discourse at the time anyways, so I just dealt with it. I'd have fun with "problematic" stuff quietly and in private, and everything was alright.

At some point I came across a group of more aggressive antis, and the way that they treated artists in our shared fandom that they didn't like was so jarring to me. I ended up getting into it with them and they held a grudge against me for a long time after that, following and harassing me even after I cut ties and went on with my life with my original friend group. They just would not leave me alone no matter how much time had passed. I'd never seen that before and just tried to ignore them, but fuck were they persistent.

I'd been dealing with a lot more stress after this started, from a wide variety of IRL issues, and aside from not knowing I was autistic, I was also dealing with a lot of other random mental problems that I still don't really fully understand. I think all the stress in my life, from a lot of horrible things that I honestly think I might have PTSD from now, put me into some kind of paranoid mental break. I started behaving really erratically, very publicly. I know it was obvious because I'd constantly get concerned messages asking if I'm okay. People knew I was going through a lot and that I wasn't mentally stable.

With all that being said, this group of antis LOVED seeing me like this. It didn't matter what I was dealing with, that it was destroying my mental health. They had a grudge over some petty fiction stuff, were still upset that I told them off for harassing random people, and they used this fragile period of time for me to amp up their harassment and stalking. I started losing friends I'd trusted for reasons I couldn't understand, and it turned out they'd been telling them I wasn't trustworthy and that they should cut contact. They thought it was so much fun to feed into my pre-existing issues and make things worse.

I don't mean to trauma-dump or anything, so sorry if this is too heavy, but my point is that antis do not and will never care about how much they hurt someone, and that it's likely the entire point to begin with. Even the friends that supported me at the start ended up turning against me once I became too much of a social hazard to associate with. Even the ones who seemed like more "rational" antis, who never went out of their way to hurt anybody. They all turned out to be the same and it never made any difference what our history was or how important they knew they were to me.

It's not worth it to stay. It's never worth it to stay with people like that. Even to this day I'm amazed at how horribly these experiences affected me in the long-term. I go to therapy and end up talking about this period of time more than anything that happened during my childhood. Lots of people I trusted decided I wasn't worth the risk, not even because of anything I did, but just because I said harassment wasn't okay, and because I wasn't in a healthy state of mind. They saw my stress and paranoia and thought "Well, this isn't someone worth helping. People already don't like them. I don't want to throw away my social life for that." All over fiction. I still can't make friends anymore, this destroyed my ability to trust people. The isolation isn't worth the short-term friendships.

Everyone deserves better than that. If somebody is friends with antis... just leave. Trust me. Just get out.

--

What bullies want most is for you to cry in public.

We might not like to admit it, but deep in the core of many people is a seed of sadistic delight in public humiliation, and not the fun kind you do with consenting partners. When people feel small, when they lack control, when their real enemies are faceless or unreachable, they want something soft and defenseless and small to hurt.

Re your "friends", most people are cowards when it comes down to it.

The ones that aren't are 1. going to get harassed too and 2. are the sort of people who walk into that on purpose, which often means they're pretty confrontational and aggressive the rest of the time. Look at the life of any great activist whom we all thank from afar for what they did for our community... and you will often find a person who's not an easy or calm friend day to day. Not always, but not infrequently.

My actual friend friends that I can rely on are not only older but also usually out of the reach of the sort of people who send me death threats. I don't generally reveal their fandom names on here because it would bring a lot of nuisance down on their heads. (And, tbh, a lot of them are quasi-lurkers anyway.) The Fandom Olds you'll see openly associating with me on Tumblr generally have a cast iron stomach for wank and either like fighting or just find all the combatants so pathetically irrelevant that nothing's going to get through to them emotionally.

Antis do suck, but if you look at any sort of big fandom drama or even offline bullying, you'll see that many people will quietly slither away when the public ostracism of their "friend" gets too much. It's sadly not a property unique to antis.

Most would like to think of themselves as that fictional hero they love who stands up for the downtrodden no matter what the cost. Most are lying to themselves.

It doesn't stop me from being friendly to new people, but yes, I absolutely assume they will fold like wet tissue at the first sign of trouble, especially if I only know them online. They're not all mean people, just weak.

But yes, avoiding people such as antis who've openly told you they're hypocritical cowards with bad values is a step in the right direction.

[boneyardbob]

Whoops I said I’d post this like three days ago my bad. Head canons for the masks in Marble Hornets! I may post a bunch of shorter stuff that are general headcanons soon. Also if you want more details on this lmk I’d love to dive deeper @forgottenporkbun @monszsterz

Here's my headcanons for the masks. Honestly I could go on like a huge, rambling essay about why I think these things, my inspo for these ideas, down to the details of what they feel like and how they work but Imma try and keep this short. I plan to put all that other stuff in my fics anyway and if you're reading this you'll probably wanna read my MH fics so you'll figure it out eventually. The idea that Tim and Brian made their mask with stuff from Hobby Lobby is REALLY funny but I have to stick with the idea the masks are gifts from The Operator (TO). Tim got his in college because if he was given it at any point while in the hospital, it would probably be found and taken away. TO waited until Tim was free before gifting it. Its when their "relationship" begun. TO switched from this unfamiliar, constantly looming monster into this warped guardian angel. This is obviously very fleeting because by the time Jay runs into Tim in MH, he's forgotten this entirely, or repressed it, and is back to viewing TO how he did his entire childhood.

During the tail end of college, while filming Alex's project, is when this Masked Era began and it ended for an unknown reason a quarter of the way into MH. My timeline isn't great but roughly that's the situation we're talking about. This is when we get all those videos of Masky and Hoody stalking Jay and Alex. I don't think I could fully call Tim and TO's relationship that of worship but that's the closest I can get. Tim knew what he was dealing with was some kind of unimaginable creature, but it could feel human emotions FOR HIM. At least if he listened. If Tim did what TO wanted, then in return he got benefits. At some point he understood TO needed him-either to keep living or to stay grounded to earth, and things got a little extra toxic. I imagine its a LOT like the Fears and their respective Avatars in TMA. I use you to get food, I give you powers that make it easier for you to get food, win win.

These benefits were really only accessed when wearing his mask. The more he wore it and the more work he put in for TO, the better things got. At the very least it instantly cleared up his lungs so he could breathe easily, he no longer suffered from migraines, he didn't have any hallucinations that weren't purposeful messages from TO, and most debilitating affects from mental disorders were gone so he wouldn't feel depressed or anxious. Fuck if I had a magical mask that made me neurotypical and took away my chronic illness I'd kill people in the woods too/j. More benefits were added on with time like growing stronger, healing faster, its kinda giving the vampires from Twilight ngl. My RP partner and I make a LOT of Twilight vampire jokes about them. It also spiraled Tim into a euphoric mania, giving him the energy and desire to sprint around the woods all hours of the night. This was an addictive sensation that had him craving his mask. He had to share it with someone.

His closest (and really only) friend at the time was Brian so he opened up to him about it and eventually got him involved. Because of Tim's medication and natural resilience to TO he eventually got OUT of this cult-like situation but Brian couldn't. He got to the point he was constantly under that mask and if he took it off for long enough, he'd probably suffocate and die. This explains why he ends up homeless, constantly in his mask state, and seems to have uncanny abilities. He just disappears into thin air, he seems to be doing physically GREAT despite living on a mattress in the woods with no source of food or money, and we only ever hear him cough. That ties back into my idea their vocal cords melt due to the TO disease. He can take the mask off for short bits of time. Its not like an astronauts helmet, more so an oxygen tank while hiking a tall mountain.

[system-of-a-feather]

Re-establishing Baseline Plan

Since moving, I've (completely understandably and expectedly) had my baseline kinda fucked (did not help by with financial stress + job incompatibility + ear infection + really bad post ear infection cold + probable norovirus in literally one month) and so I've been really overloaded, stressed, and just in a place of mostly survival mode where most of my energy is focused on maintaining my mental and physical state in the easiest manners possible

I have been holding up well all things considered and have set up for a probably more compatible job + my fiance has managed to get a job again that he feels will probably work out well for him and I have at least like a week off between jobs to reorientate myself

So to take a good and active effort to make the best of this time, I want to make a plan to set myself up for success. I actually do this every so often when I really need to pick myself up (historically Lucille would usually do it but pros of being basically fully integrated is that I am Lucille as well as me) and I figured it would be a neat thing to display and demonstrate here cause I'd end up making it *anyways* so why not share with the class

If anyone likes this, yall can borrow it ^^

-----

Question One: What current coping skills and hobbies am I currently doing and trying with my time? Are they affective and would I like to change them?

Art, Drawing, Character Design, Art Fight Prep, Story Planning and Writing

This is one of the easiest and most reliable positive coping mechanisms and has gotten me through the majority of the month mostly on it's own. Compared to other coping mechanisms, this one is almost always something I can drag myself to do or at least ask someone to supervise me to make sure I do it when I feel I need some sort of self care. It serves greatly as an alternative when I find that I am doing maladaptive coping that I would rather not do and when in doubt, it has access to some level of social engagement should I feel I need that. With that being said, having relied largely on this for a month, this is suffering diminishing returns and starting to lead to general lack of inspiration and so diversification from this coping mechanism would be ideal

Weekend Gym Trips

This is actually a really good way for me to release energy, give myself space and time to think, and just feel better moving and existing in my body. It also mandates time for me to listen to music and serves a meditative purpose. That said, I have only been doing this on Saturdays and only once on Sunday and I would like to expand that to be at least 3 times a week or at least more spaced out.

Reading Semi Regularly

This is a new habit and coping I picked up and its actually really good! It provides a unique sense of calm when I need it. Unfortunately I've started to drop off the past week due to general stress and illness, so I think its important to return to this. Perhaps set a general goal of "every other day" rather than every day to lessen the pressure.

Video Games

This was helpful but lately I have been not motivated to play anything and I believe its been burnt out. I think it would be good to resume this but it is currently impractical to force at the moment until overall wellness has returned.

TV with Boy

This is helpful but unforunately nothing seems to interest either of us to watch right now. (cri life is hard /lh)

Board Games with Boy

This is a new one and has actually been very nice. That said, it isn't always available and dependent on my fiance's ability to have the energy, time and interest to play them, particularly since I know he is less interested in board games than me. It is good to maintain the interest and offer, but not a coping skill to become reliant on.

Question Two: What sorts of things that I am currently not doing do I know tend to define behaviors, habits, hobbies, and interests that are done when I am out of survival mode and genuinely enjoying life?

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

Engagement in Exploration and just independent travels without individuals

Engagement and interest in occasionally reaching out to Buddhist environments

Producing art work for the story that is more developed and inspired rather than "quick" or "reference" focused - actually focusing on the creative and artistic expression rather than the practical expression

Increased social circle communication irl beyond my online bestie, fiance, and online friend group chat; reaching out to individuals and developing new irl friendships

Question Three: Which of those hobbies do I think could be the most reasonable and easy to meet sooner than later (even better if I can make steps to start that right now / today)? In what ways could I make steps to make those first changes and help set myself up for success on expanding my engagement with life beyond survival mode?

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

While I am not extensively motivated in any manner to watch anything in particular, I am starting to randomly get a lot of bleach related stuff on my youtube and I have been meaning to watch TYBW arc. I have been postponing it because of arbitrary "I wanna read the manga first" and just general other excuses, but realistically those are putting up barriers that I may not get to at this rate and currently I could just use something I'm somewhat interested in to give me some independent relaxing engagement. I think I can set the goal of actually watching Bleach TYBW at least an episode a day starting either today or tomorrow and see if that can bring a momentum and habit into actually being able to watch things that interest me on my own.

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

I can probably actually take my violin back out. The guitar would probably be better but for whatever reason I feel that my brain thinks that would require more - for a lack of better word - work, so I think I can at least try to find time this week to at least play a little bit of my violin.

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers + "increased social irl connection [...]"

I can reach out and text my new irl birding connections to see if they are interested; if not I can at least plan to take a birding trip later

Engagement in Buddhist Stuff

I know there is an area I've been thinking of visiting that has free english services on Tuesday, I can make plans to go there that day, particularly since my Fiance should be working for the first day then anyways.

Question Four: What are additional goals and check points that we would like to try to bring us closer to the life style that we know tends to support a thriving mental state and life satisfaction rather than one of survival?

Independent Travels

During the time I have, I can keep in mind this goal and if I have down time think of potentially interesting and alternative places to go to explore; additionally I can plan birding trips to places I have not yet checked out.

Increased Social IRL Connection

It is dependent on if my now-ex-coworker still is interested, but I can follow up and see if we want to still play board games; if not I think potential more ways to reach out will be more viable to plan once a higher level of baseline is established; potentially see if there are any in person DnD groups around that I could make a habit of going to or any martial art dojos that we can afford

More Inspired Art

I think this is something that will come with time between lessening the burn out of my current art-as-a-coping mechanism goal as well as actually engaging in more media and independent interests as to gain more inspiration.

Question Five: Summarize the Key Points and Plans Discussed in This into a Bullet Points of Take Aways

Modifying Current Coping:

Diversify and lean off of using art as a main coping mechanism; give that one a break

Attempt to go to the gym more frequently or at least space it out more throughout the week

Continue reading; lessen the ideal to every other day in case demand pressure is adversely affecting it

Keep an open interest in playing board games with fiance

Changes I Want To Make Soon:

Start watching Bleach TYBW w/ at least one episode a day

Bring out my violin and try to at least play with it for one hour this week

Reach out to new bird peers to see if they want to plan a birding trip sometime, if not then plan one independently

Make plans to go to that place on Tuesday for the open Buddhist service

Changes to Keep an Eye Out For:

Opportunities to go somewhere new randomly for no particular reason or goal in mind other than to just see whats around us

Spoons and time availability to see out places to expand our irl social circles

Inspiration for art in general

Question Six: Set for Regular Follow Ups to Check Progress

Isn't tumblr's queue / schedule function super neat for this

[meraki-yao]

The taylor zakhar perez hashtag just full of praise for Nicholas acting and twitter full of anonymous messages asking for his recast because he's not as good as Nick. That shit hurts and I can't even enjoy the new content I'm tired of the hate that man has been getting for a year and a half (it's not about Nicholas I love him so much)

First and foremost this is awful and Taylor doesn't deserve any of this unfair critism that are frankly insults, it's fucking sick

I will say this about the acting (and I'm typing this while listening to the podcast where Matthew talks about how well suited the boys are for the roles)

Both of them nailed their roles. But because of how the roles are written, certain things show easily than others.

Henry is more emotional sensitive and "broken", and because that's kind of an unhealthy mentality which isn't the normal state of human being, it's easier to pick up, which is why even with a surface glance audience can pick up on Nick's intensity and level of performing. For example, Henry spiraling on the lake. It's a crescendo of negative emotions, and you can see it go from opposite of the previous emotion (happy and content) to increasing panic and heartache.

Alex is the healthier one, in the movie he doesn't have much baggage as Henry does, but he does have baggage. At first Alex might seem like a sunshine puppy or something but if you paid attention to the details which Taylor does, you can read so much more. His fingers fidgeting whenever he's nervous like when Henry's taking off his clothes or Zahra barging in looking out. Like him clenching his jaw and watching every second of Henry's face when he goes in. Like how you can feel the aggressiveness in him die down as Henry shouts his thoughts during the Kensington confrontation. Like how fucking in love he looks all conveyed in his eyes.

So TL DR and this is my understanding of the performance: the tricky part for Nick is not to go overboard so that it's too dramatic to the point of being unrealistic, while the tricky part for Taylor is too not under perform it that Alex becomes one dimensional. AND BOTH BOYS NAIL IT PERFECTLY.

But for people who watch it passively, or watch it with negative assessment already in mind, it's easier to miss Taylor's details than Nick's details.

I WANNA MAKE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT I DON'T AGREE WITH THE SHIT TAYLOR'S GETTING I DON'T AGREE WITH ANY OF THIS AND TAYLOR JUST IS ALEX TO ME

But this is a speculation from the acting perspective as to part of the reason why Taylor's getting so much shit

Also Twitter people are just another fucking type of crowd who mostly should use their life to do something better (I'm not on Twitter and never will be) and I'm convinced that there's still racism involved in these commentary even if it's internalized or latent

Anyone who says Taylor should be recast or is not as good as Nick either didn't actually pay attention to the movie or don't understand Alex. Taylor read the book 8 times. Matthew and Nick, the two most important people in regards to his performance, have nothing but praise for him.

Taylor is Alex, just as Nick is Henry.

Hopefully after a while these stupid "opinions" die down and only intelligent/genuine/constructive comments will be left and things will get better. And I truly hope Taylor can see more support than insults. He doesn't deserve any of this.

I'm sorry that this has affect you, and I understand it. Honestly this is why I don't directly look at tags, especially the actors' tag, block whoever I don't wanna see or deal with, and don't go on Twitter.

Just from my experience on dealing with shit like this, I would say give yourself some distance from RWRB and social media for a bit, even if it's a day or two, and come back when it hurts less. Take a bit of a break. And avoid places you know you will see shit like this as much as you can.

Both of the boys did amazing, and imo perfectly in the movie and in these roles, and they deserve all the love and support. Both of them.

[sillysnaildraws]

And on another note, please ramble about my favorite character Romeo and any headcanons you have about him

The silly Bri'ish man? Well, better strap in, imma ramble your ear- no, that doesn't make sense... imma ramble your eyes out??

Whatever, god. Where do I start?

TW for an abusive family near the end. if that makes you uncomfortable, don't read it because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I will put a "keep reading" tab to make it easier to avoid.

I do see Romeo as a little skinnier than Xara and Fred, purely for the sake that he definitely relies on his powers a little too much. I mean, we see that in the game, he rarely isn't flying around and using teleportation. So with that, not only would I imagine he is thinner but also most definitely has very soft hands, and hands that are quite small compared to his partners, Xara and Fred. Though he kinda looks like a twink when I draw him with his cunty little poses and clothes, which was NOT intended. Sorry, Romeo..

I definitely think he hates feeling small. He isn't short in my head, compared to most characters, he is an average height, taller than most. But when it comes to taller characters like Axel, Aiden, Mevia, Xara or Fred, he looks small and he hates it. Especially compared to Xara and Fred because he only comes up to their shoulders. It's why I imagine he flies all the time, so he can be higher above people and feel big. Though there is a "good" small, as I would describe it, which is specifically when he is cuddled up against Fred and Xara. Feeling small in a more protected and loved way rather than a weak and vulnerable way.

I do imagine he is a bit insecure, which is related to his shit family, and will get defensive and snappy when someone points it out. He would probably struggle with saying "sorry" too, especially with the ego he has to almost protect himself. Romeo has this strange thing where he wants people around but also tends to push them away at the same time, which only further affects his mental state.

Like, you can't tell me Romeo is perfectly mentally well, he is quite unpredictable and definitely has mood swings all the time. Kinda like a cat but worse, he might be grumpy and not want to be touched but all of a sudden, he's draped over Fred and Xara, demanding cuddles. Though I imagine he can be a bit of a tease too, finding fun in playing little games.

After losing his powers, he definitely lost his confidence too. After all, he felt that his powers were all he had and was all that was important about him, which creates the little wet pathetic mess he becomes. But he doesn't stay like that, after a lot of time and healing, I'd imagine that confident, very close to arrogant personality of his would come back but not so... horrible? Is that the right word? I'd imagine Xara wouldn't mind putting him in his place though if he tried anything stupid. In my mind, I have an Admin oc called Amy who helps revive Fred, so the three are back together and healing with each other.

But like I said, even after they rebuild their relationship with each other or how much they love each other, she wouldn't hesitate to suplex him if he acted up. Then again, she would have done that before!

Gotta love him, even though he definitely does have tantrums. But for some reason, it works so well with a power hungry Admin who definitely has a problem with being too controlling. Which I created a whole backstory to explain why he feels the need to be in control. I'll get into that now.

I wrote about this in an AO3 fic but not in lots of detail. I see him as someone who was born into a family with brown hair and green eyes, so his unusual red hair and blue eyes are quite strange. But his family, instead of being normal and just going "Oh, cool. You have bright hair and eyes" they are dicks instead, using his differences to call him a disappointment or a freak. Though his family aren't the best, if it wasn't apparent. The parents are quite controlling, which is where I derive his need to be in control from. Trauma, put simply.

And, unfortunately, most of his relatives let themselves be basically molded into carbon copies of his parents and are quite horrible towards him, going as far as forcing his head under water before laughing at him when they let go. Though a young Alex and Steve protects him a few times when they saw it. His parents tried forcing him to dye his hair and wear contacts, which at first he refuses but eventually, once broken down, yields.

Upon seeing this, Alex and Steve are worried and Alex, being the hothead she is, goes to shout at the parents though Steve manages to calm her and instead get him away from the family, offering him a place to stay with them. A least a year goes by, and he'll be around sixteen and his red hair has grown out again. His parents find the place and the confrontation leads to him running away and meeting Fred and Xara.

[thesovereignsring-if]

Hello, I wanted to ask...What if mc grows up as an introverted person with a gentle and quiet personality and becomes a person who does not know how to deal with social situations, gets depressed quickly, and cries a lot? I would love to know how ROs and the mc family deal with this type of personality...

I think I answered a ask similar to this when it comes to the family, but I can't find it D:

Oh i do want to preface this as I totally understand how serious and shitty depression is. But some of my characters react will badly in a way that doesn't help those who suffer from depression because they're very flawed and might not have the emotional intelligence or skills to help their partners who suffer from depression/anxiety. I do not approve of their methods, but that's just how some of them are going to react. Ok so-

RO(s):

Finny: He'll get really sad if his lover is sad ): so he'll try to make them happy and comfortable and feel discouraged when it's not as easy. I can see Finny really struggling and grow unhealthy/dependant tendencies/traits because of it. He'll never stop trying to make things right and will carry the burden of any social interaction that the MC is uncomfortable with, even if he's own health, both physical and mental health suffers from it.

Thea: She'll quietly comfort the MC and won't force them to attend any unneeded social situations. She's a quiet person, so she'll always be glad to be a soothing presence for the MC without being too forceful. She'll always make sure the her lover is open with how they are feeling so she knows how to deal with it properly.

Linnet: She has no problem being the more independent partner in situations that the MC is uncomfortable with. She'll also be very hands on with the MC's mental state, making sure they have an active and healthy environment with people they'll feel comfortable talking about, that doesn't include her. Linnet is more likely to be away from the MC compared to the other RO(s) so she often makes sure they'll be okay without her. Like her brother, she might end up neglecting herself to make sure her partner is okay.

Medea: She'd coddle and soothe an MC with depression and anxiety issues. She'll be very protective and aggressive to those might make the MC sad, and will probably get upset at herself when her efforts don't make a difference. She'll see it as failure on herself if the MC doesn't feel better and will most likely lashout. Afterwards she'll come back and apologize and go out of her way to prove her love.

Helios: Uhhh. Look, Helios isn't cold hearted or anything like that. They're pretty kind and selfless person, however they won't baby or coddle the MC. They can't. Helios isn't the type of person who can be with them all the time to soothe their tears or comfort them. They'll gladly do anything to make their lover feel safe and comforted and they'll make sure they have a good support group. But they'll always encourage and suggest ways for the MC to overcome their depression and anxiety. In social situations they'll try to make it as lighthearted as possible to make the MC more comfortable. They're good at doing that.

Eirik: Like Medea, Eirik will probably feel frustrated when the MC doesn't get better with all his efforts. He's the type to throw money at every problem in hopes it would be the solution then get upset when he's back at square one. He'll never abandon the MC and he'll be (for once be vocal about his affections), but he'll probably have to avoid them for a few days so he doesn't take out his temper on them because HE knows that's the last thing his partner needs. ):

Family:

The Empress and Alberich would never push the MC into situations they won't feel comfortable and will only encourage them to have little tea parties with close friends. It'll be something they'll look closely at and slowly ease the MC into being less scared and think with a more healthy mindset. Sieghardt would be very overprotective with the MC and will feel really bad about being so far away from home. He'd always ask about their condition from Alberich and send small gifts and trinkets for the MC to make them feel better.

[thecarrionwitch]

Alright so I'm back to ask something.

For context, I have multiple 'siblings'. I told you guys about the eldest one and my issues with him but maybe a few days ago I was told that the one who spent years sexually abusing me and hurting me until like 2021 got a girl pregnant...

Of course it should be clear why I'm upset. Got a girl pregnant for...what? So you can keep hurting kids when no one is looking? And when those kids grow up knowing they've been used you gaslight them? Ugh. That's exactly what he did to me.

He doesn't live in this household with me thank the gods so I feel like that's already one green light. I can affect him almost as much as I want. I've thought about it, especially since I was his first victim ...(I'm assuming first since everyone else thinks so highly of him.) And I've been losing my mind ever since I became conscious of the fact that he used me in ways he never should have. Now that y'all got that.

The energy in my house has been building and I need to release it before it drowns me. I pick up on energy so well that I know there's a lot I could use for this spell.

I'm going to work on it but for the dark and green witches that practice baneful work what are some herbs you LOVE using? What are herbs you'd use for sexual abusers and assaulters? Ones that could possibly cause erectile dysfunction or mis carries. I know that in. The case that no one has ever dealt with this that one may think this is a loaded question.

I was sexually abused by this man since I was elementary school only for it to stop somewhere between middle and early highschool and then after that he played innocent until I called him out in he punched and hit me and broke my lip. I'm still suffering the effects, mentally having my moments of leaving my body on airplane mode because I can hardly enjoy the fact that I live within it because of what he's done to me.

He is guilty is what I'm saying and I worry for his girlfriend. I don't want her to have this child and carry on generational trauma that my family already refuses to heal. Then if the child is born and grows up horribly who will be to blame? IDC how any of you feel on this situation if you yourself have never been assaulted especially by a 'family member'. This also isn't your case, your life, so if you don't agree with this that's fine. Move on, I'm not talking to you and never stated I was.

What I do care about is what I can do before this baby gets here whether it be talking to the spirit of the child before it's born or something a lot darker but for the sake of them because that would be better than allowing another innocent person to grow up abused or be trained into becoming an abuser to hurt others...

I believe that children are born into harmful households all the time. I don't want that for this child. For ANY child. So please, help me witches.

We are supposed to use our powers to help those who do and who will need it, I'm ready to use mine especially because I had been scared of them before and I refuse to keep being scared.

Not again.

Comment the herbs below and I'll read through everything.

Herbs that cause These specific problems are preferred:

depression

Erectile dysfunction (or not being able to use your 'thing')

Anxiety and paranoia/guilt

Continues pain and suffering

And anything of the like.

[jingerpi]

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you and I'm not sure if this is the kind of question that you normally get, but I am very new to socialism and was introduced to it by my older sister who's a Marxist Leninist Maoist. My understanding of it mostly comes from her explanations but I've also read some works (not really theory, 'The Great Towns' by Engles for example). To me, from what I know, it seems a much better system than capitalism and I generally agree with what my sister's told me about it and what I've seen online from accounts like yours. I would like to read more but I'm not sure where to begin. I am also disabled and one of the ways it affects me is that I get quite severe mental fatigue and so can't concentrate on texts for a large period of time. Do you recommend any 'entry' texts for beginners that teach how to use the tools of analysis? How did you first get into Marxism and what reading would you recommend? I'm hesitant to buy any modern interpretations of it because I'm not sure which sources are genuine or which are imperialist interpretations of it. I'm sorry if this sounds strange; I'm not sure how to phrase it.

Thank you anyway and I hope you have a wonderful day!

hi hi! Firstly, this isn't a bother and this type of question is lovely

Secondly, I got into marxism when I left my family's religion and began digging into scientific worldviews. I made some friends who had similar experiences and many of them were varying flavors of leftist, I eventually started digging into theory proper and it really resonated with me in a way liberal political science never has.

third, as for recommendations, here are a few! Principles of Communism - Engels This work is very beginner friendly. Its a Q&A about communism from Marx and Engels time. Its useful because of the information it contains, but its also a helpful introduction to the language that a lot of theorists use. its not long and you can read a given question and corresponding answer at whatever pace you want. Theres around 20 questions with only a handful of sentences each, so its not bad at all in my experience.

Where Do Correct Ideas Come from? - Mao This one is extremely short, only really one paragraph. You can skip it if you'd like, but if you find theory hard to get into this one can be a helpful primer for the epistemology (theory of knowledge) that most marxist works use.

For a more in-depth, but still short look into Marxist philosophy, I can recommend Dialectical and Historical Materialism by Stalin. This work is my go-to for the topic. It is a bit denser than the above works but it is a very rewarding study. I've read it many times and developped my understanding further each time, so don't worry if it doesn't click Immediately, this isn't fiction so it will take some time to digest, thats normal. Two works which pair well with the above are On Practice and On Contradiction, both by Mao. The first gets into the relationship between knowledge and practice, it elaborates on Where Do Correct Ideas Come from, and also offers some helpful guides for how to change things. The second is a good compain to Dialectical and Historical Materialism, elaborating on it by another author, A lot of people prefer Mao's writing style, so you can gain another perspective on Dialectics. If you're up for trying a book, a good introduction to the politics of Marxism is State and Revolution by Lenin. This work answers most of the common questions about revolutionary marxism, its positions on the state and where that differs from other ideologies. Its split up into chapters and sections within each chapter, so you can take it at your own pace. It took me a long time from first picking up this work to finishing it, so don't worry if you need to take it slow

I would also highly recommend supplimenting theory with other activities. It sounds like you're already participating in those to some degree, so thats wonderful, but just to clarify: Finding discussion groups and communities which talk about marxism is extremely valuable. Whether its a book club or just some friends to discuss with - Marxism is a communal ideology and it is best underestood socially, so discuss with others as much as you can. If nothing else, feel free to send me asks about the above works (or anything else, really)

There are also plenty of other forms of media which are helpful for study, there are several youtubers you can find who discuss marxism, two I find particularly helpful and rarely discussed are Halim Alrah for raw theory breakdowns in regular words (please do check out his channel), and Kay and Skittles, for media breakdowns which apply marxist analysis to media to gain a better understanding of both.

I hope these are helpful! I've laid them out somewhat in order but the important part is to just pick one that sounds interesting and start. I find I often start several works of theory before finding one to finish - don't think of it as a bad thing if you do the same - reading one work of theory often gives you the knowledge you need to underestand another better, so even if you struggle to tackle something particular and move on elsewhere, you're still growing your knowledge base and that will make understanding it easier in the future when you do eventually try again.

Thank you for the ask <3

[goldenpinof]

The fact that looking into technical failures to understand the businesses we are patronizing (and let's be clear every bit of money sent DnP's way means you Are Doing Business With Them in the literal sense) is far from negativity aside... I don't think we should have a knee jerk reaction against anything negative being said as a rule, because that's how you end up platforming and pedestialising horrible things just because your favourite celebrity does them. Like, we need to bring back an understanding of when negativity is "uncalled for" (to do with things that are none of our business as consumers, audiences, and patrons, or otherwise to do with personal/harmless stuff) and when it isn't uncalled for, otherwise we create an expectation of just never being allowed to criticise anything, from the quality of the works presented to us, to quality of service with merch, to collabs with harmful partners, and eventually to misuse of a massive platform for nefarious ends.

Thankfully dnp have had way more integrity than most exploitative content creators out there. But that's certainly in part due to mutual respect between audience and creators and if we start hand wringing about small criticisms we will not be able to maintain that mutual respect and make ourselves easy to exploit.

Not to go on a big rant or anything, I just feel it should be stated that criticisms aren't always bad faith, and it's good that we have people in this fandom (like yourself ❤️) willing to hold some stuff to account where it's important+ where it concerns us directly

~ 🪴

"let's be clear every bit of money sent DnP's way means you Are Doing Business With Them in the literal sense" EXACTLY. and their business decisions affect us, unfortunately.

thank you so much for saying all of this, Hazel. phandom has a weird relationship with criticism. i experienced it more than once, unfortunately (did it teach me anything? no, i'm still here. rip to my mental health). for some reason a lot of people think that if you criticise what dnp do, you automatically criticise and dislike them as people. which couldn't be further from the truth. i try to criticise their work and actions related to their work, not them personally. the same goes for Matryn and his work. and if in the end something gets fixed or just a little bit better, i try to comment on that as well. i like seeing progress. like today with wad merch. i will update my post about irl merch, because i mentioned 9 months to gather the merch from all over the world. but Dan found other way, and that's great! only he confused us with "many weeks" and "i will try" before that.

i realise that maybe a breakdown post (or two) would be better than making 10 about basically the same thing. it's emotions. merch stuff is a rollercoaster. i haven't felt so many completely opposite emotions in a long time. and some of them are ending up on my blog in a form of criticism and yelling.

[pulim-v]

You convinced me to posy about my ocs so now i need an in-depth lore drop of your ocs please x (if you're comfortable obviously)

OKAY SO

Currently I have three OC stories, though two of them are much less developed than the third and as such they will be ✨ignored✨ for the duration of this post

MEET MY OC STORY - FOGGY GLASSES AND CORRODED COPPER

It follows two friend groups in a magic university, and their ongoing drama, which started when Spark (third left to right) caused an explosion in the chem lab and Mist (fourth left to right) was hit by it (though it only affected his hair)

MEET THE CAST

Mist Argentum (he/him)

A rules-obsessed perfectionist, Mist wears his academic success, born from a mix of talent and raw effort, as a badge of honour. Little does he realize, his perfectionism is slowly chipping away at his mental health, and he is rapidly approaching a state of burnout. Mist seems to hide some of his personal troubles from his peers - a rough breakup from high school still weighs on his mind, and his parents are an overwhelming presence on his mind that at times, somewhat contributing to his extreme adherence to rules

Spark Stratunimbus (they/them)

The opposite of Mist, Spark is just as good academically, but their success originates from less raw effort and more clever use of "shortcuts": a rule violation here, an assumption there, Spark's work is never truly foolproof, but they get the same results that Mist does. Truly, Spark was once much like Mist, but has long since gone through burnout, and never actually recovered

Rowan Lantana (he/him)

As much as a perfectionist as Mist, Rowan is the biggest hater that resides in the KIT (Kimoru Institute of Technology), and in turn is the most hated Chem course student. Extremely hard-working, he's consistently very near the top of the class, but almost always gets beat by Mist and Spark. That, surprisingly, isn't what bothers him most! He's usually content with Mist being better than him, but lately, having made his first friends in college, he has started getting weirdly attached to them - whenever he's near his friends he starts feeling a strange emotion, and he can't quite grasp what that is

Fern Penumbrae (he/she)

Fern is. A bit of a mess. A few years older than most 1st year students, she already had a stable job in Mount Kimoru, and sort of just... entered the KIT in a whim. An IT student, he doesn't have many friends, neither in nor outside college, and his family are residents of a far-away country , and is quite isolated in his community. Things are starting to change, though. She's made a couple friends, Spark and Octavia, and has developed a sort of crush on the former. All she has to do now is confess!

Dew Botanyuki (he/they)

Dew is honestly just taking it easy. They've gone through the KIT once and already have a degree, so he already understands what it's like and doesn't go through nearly as much trouble as the others. He should probably try and pay a little bit more attention, though, both to their own feelings as they aren't exactly aware of a crush that they're going through, and to their surroundings as the drama with his friends develops and stuff starts getting dangerous

Octavia Meringue (she/her)

A Sound Engineering course member, Octavia is in her 2nd year in the KIT, and as such, has already made some friends. However, due to taking Calculus classes again (as she failed them on her first year) she met up with Fern and Spark and the three of them became quite good friends! Things are getting a bit messy, though, Spark causing the lab explosion, Fern's developing crush on Spark and even Via's own crush on Dew have left her in a really complicated position and she's getting a tad overwhelmed.

And thats it! For the main cast at least. Sorry that this took 4 days LMAO

[astridthevalkyrie]

to anyone following me who's waiting for the superior update: i am so sorry it's taking so long. it's not just hard to hyperfixate on levi, it's hard to hyperfixate on anything. even though i have ten million hawks wips i started and a couple l&ds ones too, not even mentioning all the old levi ones, i can't actually think about them enough to write. i have the docs open on my laptop and i just kinda stare at them. if i really force myself to write, it's not going to be good. my best writing always just comes out of me naturally.

superior's at 8k words right now and hasn't been updated in more than a year, and that kills me. it's not abandoned. that story is my baby. law school has honestly been a shitshow for me. my grades are fine, but my depression and anxiety have reached the lowest lows they've ever been even though things in my life have actually improved! i've set boundaries with my parents and my grades are good and i do have friends. but even though i'm trying, i'm in constant burnout. i can never tell whether it's my physical or mental health that's the problem. between the depression anxiety adhd and now autism (i still need further testing but i have passed the initial one so congratulations to me hoorah) i'm literally almost always in a bad mood and exhausted. and then i'm dehydrated, severely anemic, and my upper back has been in constant pain since i was 17. my wrists have hurt on and off since i was 16, which obviously makes typing all the more hard.

and if this sounds like i'm whining...it's because i am. i don't wanna be stuck in this state, depressive or autistic burnout or executive dysfunction or whatever it is. i have a vision of where i could be, what i could do if i could just do it and it just depresses me more. i'm in therapy, i'm trying to be nice to myself, but it's so hard. i hate everything and everyone but i am trying so hard to be kind and understanding and not to upset anyone.

i want to hyperfixate. i want to think about a character 24/7. sure it affects my productivity when it happens, but my productivity is already in the ground. at least that way i would be making myself happy. i can barely maladaptive daydream lately. i used to think of scenarios and stories 24/7 even if i didn't write them. and now it's like. i hate the music i listen to. i hate my room. i have no energy to like characters. i barely have energy to wake up. and the more i dwell on these thoughts, the worse it gets.

but still. i am not abandoning this story. i want to finish it so badly. i've just realized that the problem isn't necessarily "oh there isn't any new aot media." it's just. i'm not doing well. yesterday was a better day and i wrote 2k words of analysis. i still can do it. but it feels like the only way i could really heal is if everyone in my life left me alone for at least a week, maybe a month. and that's obviously not happening. so i'm trying to find tips for people with audhd and seeing what i can do to cope but they're all things that i just don't feel are achievable. and because my self worth is so closely tied to what i can do, the more nothing happens, the more depressed i become.

all this to say superior is not abandoned. i'm trying to get to a better place, and i really hope i can have time for my favorite characters and my little stories. i hope you guys can see it soon.

[theallianceofcelestials]

Wooo boy, I disappeared for a bit there lol ^^ Sorry about that

Anyway, I've been having so much fun in the last couple months with the TSAMS lore and I've been thinking of posting a couple times, but just didn't find the time for it. But now, or at least soon, I have time :)

We all know how Moon's been going insane for like, the last month or so, making bad decision after bad decision, and since the episode "You're Making A Mistake in VRChat", I've been thinking Moon might have been corrupted somehow. That corruption probably happened when he talked with Old Moon, because signs of his sanity rapidly declining started after that. Wonder why. ¬_¬

Even before that talk, he was doing horribly, but he at least wasn't having realistic hallucinations of scenarios nor was he sinking so deeply into the whole 'I have to kill to protect my familly' mindset.

In the previously mentioned video Newmoon was hallucinating Oldmoon, possibly as a form of his conscience, but I like to think that might actually be the guy talking. What could have happened (and I know it's a very big if, but eh) is Monty possibly screwing up by not foreseeing a side-effect they should have. But like, also you can't predict every outcome, and being corrupted by talking to an old version of yourself - who shouldn't exist, since ya know, the whole getting erased part - isn't an ordinary outcome, or something that like ever happened.

We know that Newmoon talking with Oldmoon was possible because a sort of instinctual, pre-programmed backup was created of him, one that could be potentially accessed by The Creator. We also know this backup is unable to front the body, or reactivate on its own, but then yet again, was it not poked at? Was it not, in a way, activated?

It is possible that Monty, by allowing Newmoon to access that part of his head, unintentionally reactivated him and may have cause some form of corruption to begin in their shared systems. Since now that he may be potentionally active, they're shared again. Even if he's unable to front, he might still have some affects, that even HE doesn't want.

Oldmoon, for all his faults, wouldn't have ever decided to leave his family alone, unlike Newmoon, who internalised their entire conversation. He also misunderstood I think, because the whole point of his existence is to be the better version. To me it felt like during their conversation, that Oldmoon was trying to tell him to do whatever it takes to protect their family, but he also probably meant for him to stay true to himself and not go on self-destructing spirals and fall to the same mistakes he did.

If we theorise, or headcanon, that during that confrontation in Moon's current hide-out he WAS actually talking to the real manifestation of the real Oldmoon, then it could mean very bad things for Newmoon. Because the only way I can even begin to think that's possible, is corruption of code as I previously mentioned before.

If their AIs are somewhat intermingling with one another, then that is not only not intended, but also probably extremely harmful for their coding. It may also possibly cause insanity or other mental problems, explainging the current state of things. It also brings up questions.

IF that is Oldmoon, then can he grow "strong" enough to take over the body? Even if just partially? IF Moon is corrupted, then is there a way to fix his code without another factory reset?

Or, which is the more likely thing, the aforementioned conscience manifesting in the form of Oldmoon, the person Newmoon can't help but still compare himself to? Possibly (probably)

It is just simply too fun to think about scenarios like this ^^

The what ifs, the burning questions, the Oldmoon content in the last month or so, are just too exciting for me not to think and talk about!

Even if I'm probably wrong about this, and it really is just grief corroding away at Moon's sanity and his conscience manifesting as the most unlikely person, I'll still headcanon until proven otherwise that it's actually Oldmoon. Would explain why it's actually him haunting Moon now.

Monty, my person, my lovely theythem, partner, you may have fucked up. We should all know by now that the dead should stay dead (: