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youwerenevermeanttofeelalone · 5 years ago

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Hear It Again | Poe Dameron

Pairing — Poe Dameron x Plus Size Reader (she/her)

Word Count — 5.2k

Request — could I request a Poe Dameron x ps reader? The reader and Poe were raised together, they have always been inseparable. When both join the resistance the reader becomes a spy, whilst Poe becomes a pilot. Reader becomes missing in action. Years later on Jakku Rey/Finn/BB8 find the reader, she helps them escape (she has been stranded on Jakku and has been fixing the Falcon) She gets reunited with Poe, who confesses his love. Maybe she has apart of the map that leads to Luke. Thanks!

Warnings — angst, mentions of loss, war, and violence, Rey and Finn being their cute selves, BB-8 being a baby, reader cuts herself on purpose (not with the intention of self-harming), arguing, fluff, I feel like Poe being Poe should be a warning.

A/N — I enjoyed writing this soooooo much! I fell in love with Poe all over again, harder than ever.

Gif credit

☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎

A spy stranded on the planet they were supposed to infiltrate had to be the definition of ironic. Or moronic, if they asked you.

You had been sloppy, the plan failed too early on and instead of asking for help, you decided to keep going. Compromising the mission wasn’t worth it, you had been trained to do anything but.

The village had been too dangerous, staying there would mean falling into a trap — no one ever knew where people’s alliance rested, so you opted for staying as far away from it as you could. The junkyard wasn’t ideal, but nothing was in a sandy and hot planet.

As if things couldn’t be trickier, your only way out of there was in a ship that needed a lot of repairs. Not just a ship, The Ship. You were sure Han Solo would be close to a heart attack if he knew his beloved ship was abandoned in a junkyard planet.

The Falcon was famous for many reasons, your favorite was the fact that it had always looked like shit. It was silly, Poe would always say so. He liked it because the ship had made the Kessel run in fourteen parsecs — twelve according to Poe who took the difference very seriously.

Poe was your best friend. The two of you grew up together in Yavin 4 — the years you had spent apart while being trained hadn’t been easy so when you found your way back to him by joining The Resistance, you were more than thrilled.

He had laughed when you were done with your first meeting in General Organa’s presence. ”You know she knows the Millenium Falcon, right?”

You had giggled, shaking your head. When you were kids, you often came up with complicated plans to steal it, according to you it would be easy if you did it while everyone was sleeping. ”The hardest part will be finding it,” he would always say, swatting a hand to gesture for you not to worry.

It was easy for Poe to act in such nonchalance, he had always been graceful at many things. Back when things were easier and your only worry was not being caught sneaking out of your house to explore the depths of the forest with your friends, you believed him to be invincible.

You wished for that to be true, for him to be okay. You trusted in his abilities, you had re-trained him personally in case he was captured —not that he needed it, you just wanted to be sure— but you didn’t know what he was up to now.

Oh, how you wanted to be a child again, being teased by your best friend for your obsession with a ship you would never pilot because you didn’t care for piloting at all.

And you still didn’t, you knew the basics because it was part of your training but you didn’t care about becoming the best pilot of the galaxy. How could you when Poe carried that badge with so much pride?

Or at least you imagined he still did. It had been so long since you last saw him… you wondered how he was handling it, if he was still alive — he had to be.

When you weren’t groaning out of frustration or complaining out loud because of the heat, you wondered many things about him; mostly regarding his safety.

Distant sounds made you jump. “Kriff,” you whined, rubbing the top of your head as you ducked to not hit yourself again.

With your free hand, you withdrew your blaster off your belt. A screech filled your ears which prompted you to stand still. Someone was inside the ship, their approaching steps let you know two pairs of shoes were the source of the noise.

A whirring sound, soothing and somewhat familiar joined the steps. You carefully stepped closer to the cockpit with your blaster held up and ready to pull the trigger.

Something bumped your ankle. Your favorite beep greeted you. The young man and woman gushing about the ship a couple of meters ahead of you turned around.

Recognizing the jacket the guy had on, you gruffly asked, “Where did you get that jacket?”

“W—What?”

The girl stepped in front of him. She was protecting him with no hesitation. “Who are you?” she demanded to know.

“You first.” You nodded upward.

She studied you, lifting a hand when her companion started to speak. He clamped his mouth shut. “I’m Rey.”

“Pamaf,” you gave them the name you had been using throughout your latest mission.

“Where are you from?”

BB-8 beeped, demanding attention. You tensed, torn between acknowledging the droid and getting more answers.

“I’m Finn,” the guy said. “The jacket is mine.”

You stared at him, tenser now. He opened his eyes wide, drawing a thin line with his mouth. Oh, stars, this idiot was pretending to be part of The Resistance.

“Do you trust them, buddy?”

BB-8 happily beeped in an affirmative gesture.

“Where’s Poe?” If you knew something about Poe, and you knew everything about Poe, it was that he only left BB-8 behind when he didn’t have another option — no matter how reckless his last resort was. The droid was part of him, just like the jacket Finn was wearing.

Finn couldn’t help himself and explained, “we crashlanded. He didn’t make it.”

You took a deep breath in, barely nodding. Your only hope now was that it had been quick, that he hadn’t suffered.

“We need to get out of here,” Rey sighed exasperatedly, “you can question us throughout the journey. I suppose.”

“The ship isn’t in optimal conditions,” you croaked.

“None of us will be in optimal conditions if we don’t leave now,” she quipped.

Seeing you frown, Finn added, “They want the droid. And to kill us.”

You wished they would for a fleeting moment. What was life with no loved ones but a painstakingly slow crave for the relief of being lucky to see them again, surrounded by the force where bliss was the only thing that existed?

You merely nodded. Rey hurried to the pilot seat, beaming as she got comfortable. She looked adorable, you would’ve expressed it if you weren’t about to crumble.

Had he missed you like you missed him? You supposed he had. The two of you had been close for so long that it was safe to assume he would care about his friend.

Friend. Did friends laugh the way the two of you did? How could anyone be sure? Lines blurred all the time between childhood friends, and with the life you had in The Resistance it was common to grow closer to its members.

Even then, he probably had replaced you after all that time apart. And now it didn’t matter because he was…

Poe was dead.

You had been trained to endure many torture tactics and fight any creature or thing imaginable to human beings. You had been under a lot of pain, in the brink of death — nothing had hurt like the news Finn gave you, nothing had hurt like knowing you wouldn’t ever hear Poe’s laugh again.

You felt numb. Too many things were going through your head and your heart, so many you couldn’t feel anything at all. You knew the ship was rocking, you could hear Finn’s and Rey’s shouts, but you weren’t processing them.

Loss had never numbed you before. It had angered you, wrecked you, made you a tougher woman — a better spy.

Everything went by in blurs. You weren’t sure if you had imagined it or if someone else had entered the ship. It wasn’t like you cared either.

Even BB-8 was avoiding you now. You preferred it that way, you weren’t ready to be around something Poe had loved so deeply.

You were pushed by Rey into a hiding place. Finn handed you a mask and you robotically put it on, feeling the weight of BB-8 against your calf.

The rafter above you opened. Han Solo greeted you, “Hey, kid. What are you doing here? Who’s the pilot?”

Snatching the mask off, you motioned to Rey. “She is.”

You had met Han and Chewie by mistake in one of their smuggling adventures. Han hadn’t been happy when he found out you were part of The Resistance but you promised you wouldn’t say anything and miraculously, he believed you.

True to your word, you had never mentioned him in front of General Organa. It had been somewhat hard not to tell Poe about it, but a promise was a promise. Now you wished you had told him — you could only imagine how shiny his eyes would get as he giddily asked for more details and about The Falcon.

Finn, Rey, Han, and Chewie were speaking. You knew the topic was important but for the love of the stars, the majority of the words escaped you.

Map. Skywalker. Resistance base.

You glanced down at BB-8. The poor droid made a frail noise. Taking it as a sign that you should stay quiet, you announced you would make sure you had done the reparations correctly.

☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎

Visiting Maz Kanata didn’t excite you. Although Takodana looked the same it had the last time you visited, it felt more dangerous than ever.

You were sure Han, Chewie, and Rey could take care of themselves, but Finn worried you. He was jumpy, looking at everywhere as though he was waiting for someone to attack.

Elbowing him on the side, you handed him your blaster. He stared down at it, frowning. You just shook the weapon, gesturing for him to take it already.

His shakiness didn’t go unnoticed by you, and honestly as worried as you were, you couldn’t blame him.

Stars, you really needed to tell them the truth. Clearing your throat, you took in a deep breath. You should trust them, yes. “I know where to find a part of the map.”

“Where?” Finn asked in a hushed tone.

“What if I said my pocket? Kind of.”

“I would kiss you if I didn’t—“ he stopped himself.

You almost chuckled. “Piece of advice?” He nodded so you continued, “she won’t reciprocate if you continue lying to her.”

His face fell. “That obvious?”

You patted his upper back. “Yeah. Fix it before it’s too late.”

Han interrupted your conversation to hand Finn a weapon. “She’s right. Women always find the truth.”

Finn handed your blaster back, nodding downward in a thankful gesture to both you and Han. You put the weapon back in place.

After a few seconds of pondering, he asked you, “how do I tell her I want no part in this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t like war. I’m running away from it.”

“Only mercenaries like war, Finn.” You placed your hand on his shoulder. “Some people don’t like it because of the destruction, others because of politics, and a few because it only takes and takes but never seems to give.”

His kind eyes told you he wanted to ask something. You hoped he wouldn’t because you were sure you would break down sobbing if you had to speak about Poe.

“Why are you still fighting?”

“There’s always something worth fighting for. Freedom, love, family…”

Finn and you shared a look as you entered Maz’s Castle, exchanging a nod to assure the other you had each other’s back.

A mess, that was what the situation you had found yourselves in was. Rey and Finn had each ran away at different times, leaving you and Han to deal with Maz, BB-8, Luke’s lightsaber, and the fact that neither of you had an interest in going back to The Resistance base.

You didn’t feel ready to see your old friends, to find out how many of them had died. You didn’t want to hear their condolences because whoever was still around must’ve known you and Poe were close. Facing Leia would be devastating when she saw Poe as another son, the son who had stayed.

Commotion surrounded you, screams and confused questions overwhelmed you as people ran out of the castle. Han and you followed them, making your way through the sea of people congregated at the front gates. Chewie was there too, with his bowcaster ready.

An incandescent red light shone brightly in the sky, no clouds nearby whatsoever. The ground trembled. Finn’s voice filled your ears, “it was The Republic. The first order, they’ve done it.” He then asked for Rey.

Looking down, you loudly blurted, “Where’s BB-8?”

It was too late. TIE-fighters invaded the planet, destroying everything they could aim at. Han, Chewie, and Finn followed Maz, you stayed outside, helping as many people as you were able to. If you were going to die that day, you would do it fighting like you were taught by the New Republic.

Your companions came out of the ruins, shooting at any stormtrooper that crossed their path. You hid behind a pillar, holding your blaster tightly. Thinking about Rey, how excited she had been to see so much green, you took a deep breath. Poe came to your mind, the fact that he had given Finn his name because he refused to call him by a demeaning code… Finn, his craving for a better life.

Suddenly it felt personal. It stopped being about the cause, it was about the people in and around it — the innocent who didn’t have any other choice. You finally understood, perhaps too late, that you could make a difference because you were on the side that didn’t like war when the other in fact did.

Finn ignited a blue lightsaber, you imagined it was Luke’s, and started fighting too. He was sloppy, but you knew his heart was in the place it should be. Seeing Han and Chewie approach him, you did so too, looking behind you from time to time.

Heavy steps started following you out of nowhere. Shaking them off was impossible, you tried it all with no success — there was only one you, a hungry, tired, dehydrated, and broken-hearted you and dozens of them.

The troopers disarmed you, pointing at the four of you with their own weapons. With your hands on the back of your head, a familiar whooshing brought your hopes up.

Han smirked, sharing a look with you. The troopers around you started dropping to the ground, along with pieces of TIE-fighters that had been hit by X-Wings. You hoped Jess was up there, it would be nice to see her if you made it out alive.

Running behind Chewie, you pried your blaster off the dead hands of the trooper that had taken it from you and followed Han, shooting at any white helmet you spotted.

In the air, the leader piloted like they owned the sky. Finn’s adrenaline was running high and he screamed in excitement.

“That’s one hell of a pilot!”

They were. But they weren’t Poe. Their maneuvers were similar enough for you to cling to the hope that it was him, but Finn had been clear when he said your beloved friend hadn’t made it.

☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎

D’Qar hadn’t changed much, it looked busier but with everything going around the galaxy you hadn’t expected anything different.

BB-8 beeped to gain your attention, rolling excitedly. You followed the droid with Finn close by. He was worried, panting as he ran behind the little droid. You saw a few new faces as you walked through the crowd of pilots.

The droid rolled fast toward an X-Wing and your heart skipped a beat. You stood frozen in place, only able to watch as Poe, yes, Poe, greeted the droid with the same joy he used to greet your mom whenever he saw her.

Finn ran towards him, and Poe ran to Finn. You saw them embrace, their words didn’t register as you could only stare. Warm eyes caught yours, and Finn moved out of the way.

You tried really hard to move forward but your legs weren’t capable of doing it. You felt arms around you, your face collided against a semi-hard surface.

“You’re alive,” he rasped.

His voice was everything you needed to feel like you could breathe again. Hugging him back, tightly, you mumbled a tired yes. Poe’s embrace tightened.

“Finn needs help,” you remembered, “and I, well, he. Both of us… Finn and I need to talk to The General—“

“Shhh, it’s okay,” he said calmly. Parting from you, lingering his eyes on your face — the one he thought he would never be able to see again, he took your hand and with his free one motioned for Finn to go with you.

Finn repeated what you had said. “I need your help.”

“We’re getting it, buddy,” Poe assured his new friend.

You were pried off Poe in order to be pulled into a tight hug. When the shock wore off, you hugged Jess back. Recognizing your body language, she reluctantly let go of you, staring at you with dampened eyes. Gripping her shoulder in the assurance that you were okay, you followed the path Poe and Finn had taken.

Finn looked at you, interrupting whatever he was telling the General. Nodding you lifted a hand for him to give you a moment.

Pulling your dagger out, you discarded your dirty plain jacket. Everyone’s eyes were on you. Stars, you hoped that dagger wasn’t too dirty.

Taking a deep breath, you held your forearm at a comfortable angle.

“Wait,” Poe yelled. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Trust me.”

He fell silent. Even after all those years of thinking you were dead, he trusted you blindly. Fear didn’t spare him, he held his breath as he watched.

Hissing at the sting when you pierced your skin, you bit down your bottom lip. Dropping the dagger, you pulled the tiny card out of your arm. Unwrapping it from its plastic protection, you handed it to C3PO.

“Mission accomplished, General,” you breathed out. Three years later, but accomplished nonetheless.

General Organa nodded. “Go and get that cleaned.”

Ripping a piece of your sleeve, you shook your head and tied it around the wound. “I’m fine. Ready for duty.”

Leia opposed, Poe did too. You couldn’t understand where his attitude was coming from, but it didn’t matter — you couldn’t disobey your general.

The medical exam took a long time, you needed to be tested for everything as part of the protocol. The base had turned silent by the time you were told you were free to go back to your quarters and take a shower, everyone must’ve been attacking Starkiller Base under Poe’s command.

“My clothes are still there?” you incredulously asked.

Latia, the nurse, smiled warmly at you. “Of course, those are your personal quarters.”

“They are? After all this time?!”

Your incredulity broke her heart. Nodding, she placed a hand on your back and guided you toward the hallway.

“Has the code changed?”

“Commander Dameron made sure it didn’t.”

Your stomach flipped — Poe had counted on you coming back. The code, indeed, was the same. Your quarters were in the same state you remembered leaving them, too.

Showers were underrated, you decided under the water as you washed the grim off your hair. Sure, sonic showers were more efficient and quicker but nothing would ever beat hot showers after a long day — or excruciating years.

☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎・・・・・☆︎

Poe could only imagine you were frustrated by not being granted permission to go with them. The fact that your part of the map hadn’t completed it was upsetting even to him.

He was informed you were healthy enough to be allowed to stay in your room when he followed the medical team to the infirmary as they carried Finn. Latia said you needed rest to which he agreed, but she also winked at him. He knew what he needed to do.

You hadn’t received any notification of the squadrons being back nor one for the need for evacuation. The knocking on the door startled you — aiming at it with your blaster, you opened it with your other hand.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Lowering the blaster upon finding it was only a very unfazed Poe, you shrugged. “How did you know I wasn’t asleep?”

Poe chuckled, nodding upward instead of answering the question. “Can I come in?”

You placed the blaster on your bedside table, waiting for him to get comfortable. To your surprise, instead of sitting down on the couch, he did so on the edge of the bed.

His eyes were startlingly heavy on you. He looked like he wasn’t even blinking. You rotated your body to examine him. Poe’s arms wrapped around you tightly, pulling you flush to him.

You hugged him by the neck, trying to hide how shocked you were by the sudden show of affection. His shoulders started to shake. A sob escaped him and you could only tighten your arms around him.

His weeping wetted your top, but none of you cared. Poe was in so much distress and you couldn’t fathom why — he had always performed admirably under pressure.

You whispered his name, “What’s wrong?”

“I thought I lost you.” His comment was muffled by the material of your shirt and his clogged nose, but you understood his words perfectly.

You swallowed loudly. “I thought I had lost you, too. Finn said—“

Lifting his head off your stomach, he exploded at you. “Yes, but you didn’t spend an eternity thinking you would never see me again, that you would have to live the rest of your life incomplete… I did, it fucking sucked.”

“You don’t know what I went through! Or what I felt when I saw someone else wearing your jacket!”

His chiseled face turned red. “You made me watch you cut your flesh open earlier!”

It now sounded like he was just finding things to make you feel bad about. If that was what he wanted, he accomplished it. “It’s healed already, if it worries you that much.”

Poe couldn’t believe your words. Pushing you off him, he stood up. “If I worry that much? Have you not listened to what I’ve been telling you?”

“You’ve been yelling at me for something I didn’t have control of,” you said, hoping he would finally understand your perspective.

“You could be dead right now! I could be planning a funeral if I was lucky enough to…” Poe’s voice shattered. “I can’t lose you,” he rasped.

“And I can’t lose you either, but I can’t stop doing my job because you might worry.”

He nodded, letting more tears fall. It broke your heart seeing him like that, you wanted nothing more than to take every bad feeling out of his system — you needed him to be okay, to be the cocky Poe you had fallen in love with.

Offering him a tissue, you reminded him, “I’ll always try my best to come back home.”

He cleaned his face in silence, with a thought whirling inside his eyes.

“You don’t believe me?” You tried to guess.

“I believe you.” Poe gave you his back to discard the tissues. He gripped the edge of your desk, inhaling deeply.

You worriedly gazed at him, at his white knuckles and the heaving of his shoulders due to harsh breath. Approaching him, you placed a hand on his back.

“Breathe, Poe,” you reminded him, rubbing his upper back, “it’s okay.”

“I saw them kill everyone in that village… you could’ve been there.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You weren’t,” he affirmed, reminding himself that you hadn’t been in that village, that you were there behind him. You were there, rubbing soothing circles on his back and speaking softly to him.

You were there, actually in the room he had kept intact and immaculate awaiting for your comeback. In the room he had slept more times he was willing to accept because it still smelled like you, like home.

Poe wanted to turn around and face you, to tell you all those things filling his heart to the brim, but he decided to be selfish for a few lingering moments and enjoy the warmth of your hand on his tense back.

His breathing finally evened out, thankfully. You were on the verge of crying again, if it wasn’t because your head was about to explode you would’ve been a sobbing mess in front of him.

“Did you miss me?”

The question caught you off guard. You still answered, “I did. How could I not?”

He shrugged. Poe could think of a few reasons, of a handful of fears — things he had never told you, ashamed and scared you would think any less of him. He had insecurities like any other human being that very early he learned to mask and channel, not always successfully but well enough to not worry you.

It sounded silly, hiding things from someone whom he craved the attention of so they wouldn’t worry, but Poe was sure you would drop anything you could to aid him. He couldn’t allow it, no matter how desperately he wanted — you loved your job, and he feared you wouldn’t focus properly because of him like he sometimes couldn’t focus properly because of you. Ever since you became missing in action, it all took a giant toll on him.

A big part of piloting was from muscle memory, at least for him. The adrenaline helped him to focus, to enjoy the thrill running up his body. Poe never became distracted to the point of not being able to do his job thanks to the training you had reinforced him, he would sometimes catch himself slipping but he didn’t allow it to go that far — the moment the mission was done, though? He dreaded those.

He just said it. Hiding it now —in the current political climate, in the middle of a war that would end in so much loss and suffering whether the two of you made it out alive or not— would be a big mistake and a waste of time. “I’m in love with you.”

“Excuse me?”

He glared at you. “You heard me just fine.”

“Maybe I want to hear it again.”

“Well, just say so.” Before you could snappily say it, he repeated his confession, taking your hands in his. “I’m in love with you.”

Intertwining your fingers with his own, you gave him a tired smile, “I’m in love with you too.”

Poe tugged on your hands to bring you closer, letting them go once you were chest to chest. He wrapped both arms around your hips, resting his head on your shoulder. There was nothing more to it, just a tender embrace.

Your fingers tangled in his curls, the pads of your fingers massaged his scalp as he comfortably sighed. “I really missed you,” you told him, wrapping your free arm around his shoulders. “I thought you would have another best friend by the time I could come back, and then Finn appeared with your jacket and said you hadn’t made it and I just... stars, I could be planning a funeral right now.”

“Now you know what it feels like,” he mumbled, nuzzling his nose against your neck to then inhale your scent. “I missed your perfume.”

“I’ll buy you one.”

“It’s not the same.” Poe lifted his head, just enough to kiss your cheek. “It smells better on you.”

You turned to the side to be able to look at him. “Yeah?”

He smiled, gazing down at your lips. Humming, he planted his hands on your lower back. “May I?”

You kissed him first, pressing your chapped lips to his just as the question slid past them. Never had you shared a kiss so tender and full of emotion, one that said what words fell short at.

Losing that would mean losing the only real thing you had left — losing Poe, like you had thought you had, would mean losing yourself. And he felt the same.

Fingers still buried and tangled in his curls, you poured all your gratitude and love into the kiss. Poe did the same, not able to hide how giddy he felt and smiling against your mouth.

“Promise me you will be more careful next mission,” he told you between short kisses.

Humming, you dragged your lips to the side to pepper kisses on his stubbled jaw. “Only if you promise the same.”

“I’m always careful.”

He received a glare from you. You hoped he didn’t need a list of the reckless things he had done ever since you two joined The Resistance because not only were you extremely tired, you would rather have him cuddle you.

As if reading your mind, Poe slowly untangled from you. He started undoing the bed, folding the duvet onto itself. “Get in, sweetheart, you need some rest.”

Sitting down on the bed, you stared at him with your head tilted. “Will you cuddle me, Dameron?”

He was offended by the question, of course he would cuddle you. Your eyes followed his movements as he rounded the bed — Poe bent over, pulling a bag from under the base. Unzipping the bag, he took a pair of sweatpants out.

Feeling your stare, he said in nonchalance, “unless you want me to sleep in my underwear?”

You would never oppose to that, but you had a more important question. “Why was that bag under my bed?”

Scratching the back of his head, he smiled sheepishly. Poe told you the truth, though, you were a couple now. He supposed you were, at least. “I sleep better when I can smell your scent.”

With your heart beating faster, you nodded while telling him he could sleep however he wanted. Two minutes later, you were being spooned by your best friend —and boyfriend—, with his warm breath fanning on your neck and fingers trailing your plump belly.

“Can’t sleep yet?”

“It’s been like five minutes, Poe.” Placing your hand on top of his, you started playing with his fingers. “Where do you think we should look for the map next time?”

He couldn’t believe you were still worried about that. It was mostly his fault for not telling you. “We found it, you don’t have to think about that anymore.”

You rolled on the bed to face him, lightly slapping his arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

It was his time to glare at you which brought him great satisfaction. Seeing you roll your eyes, he brought you closer. Poe laid on his back, making you rest your head on his sternum.

You changed the subject, then, “are you going to go get Luke Skywalker?”

“Rey’s on her way with Chewbacca.”

“Han let Chewbacca go without him?”

“General Solo is dead,” he sighed, a hint of sadness coating his tone. “Did you just call him Han? Since when do you call General Solo simply Han?”

Oh, boy. You hoped he wouldn’t break up with you for hiding your little adventure with Han Solo and Chewbacca for years.

Poe didn’t, he feigned offense and pouted but you kissed it better. You kissed it all better as he held you, close and tightly like he had fantasized for so long.

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x plus size reader #plus size reader #plus size fanfiction #poe dameron #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars x plus size reader

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elbiotipo · 4 years ago

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Ok that was the sequels with the Disney Canon, But MY idea of the sequels would be actually an animated series about Luke’s Jedi Order, it would be basically a Jedi School series with fun adventures and both old and new characters. I know I previously ranted about how I hate both school settings and teenage protagonists but this is different because it’s Jedi School and it’s Star Wars.

So, for this I take what I like from the old canon, other things from the new canon, and drop other things, don’t expect much coherence.

Anyways it’s set about 15 or so years after the Battle of Endor. Things have gotten much better, you know how it goes, the New Republic has grown and the Imperial Remnant are just a fringe junta of all the weirdo warlords of the EU, Han and Leia get married, Lando is chancellor, and Luke marries Mara Jade, because she’s awesome, and rebuilds the Jedi Order.

Since the old method of “kidnapping children” is out for obvious reasons, the Jedi Order functions more like a boarding school or summer camp in Yavin IV. It is much smaller than the prequels order, composed of:

Old masters and survivors to Order 66, like Luke, Mara, Ahsoka, Ezra and a couple others, they try their best but they are ultimately quirky teachers

First generation jedi that were only recently trained like Finn and Rey and still have much to learn

And a whole bunch of Padawans from all ages, species, worlds and backgrounds

The series mostly follows Luke’s son Ben, who is a Very Good Kid with a little of a complex fromhaving such a successful father (and mother) who are praised all over the Galaxy. He’s quiet, shy and isn’t very good with a lightsaber but has a deep connection to the force. He’s friends/rivals with his older cousin Aldera Organa (Han took Leia’s name) who is LOUD, sarcastic, hotheaded, and while overall a good girl WILL cut you up with a lightsaber if given the chance. They’re friends with a pilot jedi padawan from an Andes/Inca inspired world (we haven’t seen that before in Star Wars), a huge Wookiee who plays football (as in the one with foot, not the yanqui version), and a Trandoshan mechanic girl (because they are always shown as villain characters, make them heroes for once). Together, They Fight Crime and we see how they slowly grow from just kids to heroes.

Luke Skywalker meanwhile, tries to be a good teacher. He wakes up every day, drinks his blue milk, and reads pedagogy textbooks to try to become a better teacher, but is very concerned that he’s just winging it all, after all he only got two weeks top of training with Obi-Wan and Yoda included. Everybody assures him it’s okay but he doesn’t believe them. Leia represents the Jedi back at Coruscant, Han trains the New Republic special forces (including New Republic Super Agents Poe Dameron and Rose Tico), Lando is the New Republic Chancellor, R2D2 and C3PO are the official Jedi academy groundskeeper and translator, respectively, and Chewie is just vibing and enjoying his retirement.

Ok, so everything is nice so far. Another year in the Academy starts, all the character meet, Luke and Mara have a parent-teachers reunion, etc. etc. he assures everyone the school is Perfectly Safe, just look at that Togruta lady she has TWO lightsabers isn’t she awesome?

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Galaxy, Han and his Superagents are in a shooting with some aliens who come from outside the Galaxy. They escape in their ship and are headed to the Jedi Academy, Han tries to warn them but the transmission is cut.

So first lessons in the Jedi Academy, Ben is dissapointed that he isn’t as good as a Jedi as the other kids despite being the son of Luke and you know normal school dramas but with lightsabers.

THEN the aliens land. They are like... Vong But Not Really, intergalactic invaders who are able to manipulate and even disconect someone from the Force temporarily, and they are physically very strong. They are a scout team sent ahead of the main fleet to test the strongest force users of the Galaxy and they aren’t very impressed.

They kidnap the children to study them but they escape using Home Alone traps unorthodox tactics. A battle ensues, awesome things happen, Mara blows up their ship so they hide in the jungle at night. The kids are lost in the jungle though, and the Vong close up on them one by one. Just as the leader grabs Ben and does his villain speech, a green lightsaber lights up in the darkness. It's Luke. He gives the Vong leader one chance to free them. The Vong nervously refuse.

Luke Skywalker goes fucking feral on them, Darth-Vader-In-Rogue-One Style, until they finally surrender and free the kids, and then he goes back into Quirky Master mode and asks them all if they are okay. They are, just now are fucking terrified for several reasons.

Nobody is seriously hurt and all the kidnappers are captured so they see little reason to suspend the academic year. They send the Vong prisoners to Coruscant, where Leia resolves to learn more about these invaders before the come, and so the main arc of the series starts, while they fight pirates, bounty hunter, imperial warlords, dark side spirits and all that weird EU stuff, they slowly investigate who the Vong are, what they want and try to prepare for the upcoming invasion.

Other *fun* things that happen include:

Thrawn, who was conspicously absent all this time (though Ezra escaped from him at some point), comes back from the Unknown Regions with his fleet and sees the bunch of jokers leading what remains of the “Empire”. He goes all art student mode and says “hhmmrmm... an empeire need sthe figuer of an empoerer”...

And eventually manuevers over the warlords and crowns himself emperor, and the New Republic has another headache to deal with.

The Mandalorian and Baby Yoda from hit live-action series “The Mandalorian and Baby Yoda Show” appear, he finally found the Jedi after aimlessly wandering the Galaxy, and tearfully entrusts Baby Yoda to them. It’s a babysitting episode where Baby Yoda makes pure CHAOS in the Jedi Academy and eventually the Jedi give him back to Din, telling him to raise him until he’s more mature, much to his delight

Luke organizes a friendly lightsaber tournament to test everybody’s abilities. Ahsoka, Ezra and the rest, who had more lightsaber training than “Obi-Wan teaching me to avoid a floating ball and Yoda making me pile up rocks” wipe the floor with him.

In the villain romance nobody asked for, Thrawn marries admiral Daala in a marriage for convenience and the Jedi are invited to the wedding omg!!! Of course, IT’S A TRAP and the new Imperial couple tell them to serve the rightful galactic goverment, that is, them. And so they crash the wedding instead, it would be hilarious

The kids are majorly concerned about Luke talking to force ghosts and Mara ocassionally repeating orders from a dead Palpatine, and they try to make them get a fucking vacation and therapy for once.

LIFE. DAY. SPECIAL.

Some dark side cultists cloned Palpatine but because he was raised differently in another world he’s just like, an accountant, who gets kidnapped for their dark rituals, and the Jedi have to spend a whole fleet to rescue Some Guy who doesn’t even understand what’s going on.

Of course eventually the Vong invade in full force and the Galaxy is under attack again, the Thrawn Empire has to decide if to follow an old dream of a Sith madman or help the New Republic, and everybody has Choices to make and Tragedy incoming but that’s way in the future to write.

It would be so much fun to have an Jedi Academy series because I’m sure Mark Hamill would LOVE to be casted, the old EU has so much cool things (and stupid crap) to write about, and you have so many characters to make plots and subplots for and make toys and spinoffsHEY DISNEY ARE YOU LISTENING YOU CAN MAKE MONEY WITH THIS YOU BASTARDS

#sw #star wars #cosas mias #long post

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summahsunlight · 5 years ago

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We Belong the Stars, Ch. 29

Rating: Mature (18+ only)

Pairings: Poe/Skywalker!OC

Characters: Poe Dameron, Leia Organa, BB-8, Kaleb Skywalker (OC), Evelyn Skywalker (OC), Karé Kun, Iolo Arana, Snap Wexley, Jessika Pava, BB-8

Taglist: @ms-dont-care, @liadamerondjarin

Taglist is open! Just send me an ask, message, or comment here to be added! Like reading this? Please feel free to leave a comment on the post, in an ask, or even a reblog. I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU❤️

Poe sat hunched over the controls of the Mirror Bright while it flew towards Kaddak. He couldn't stop thinking about Evelyn, the danger she was in and if they didn't get to her before the First Order. She'd disappear--Kylo Ren and Snoke would make sure of that. If only she had given him more time back on Canto Bright to think of a plan...

Kaleb pat him on the shoulder, encouragingly before sitting down in the co-pilot's seat. "Aunt Leia wants us to debrief once we pull out of hyperspace. Seems Dane and Rennick found some information for us."

"Great," Poe mumbled, rubbing his temples. "He must be dancing with glee to stick it to me for allowing Evelyn to be captured."

"I wouldn't say dancing," Kaleb replied. "Kaydel did say he was strutting around a bit more though..."

Raising his head, Poe glared at him. "Really? You're going to joke at a time like this?"

Sighing, Kaleb nodded. "Yes, because if I don't try to lighten the mood--the tension is going to choke us."

Poe closed his eyes. Kaleb had a valid point. The tension had been thick since Black Squadron had returned to D'Qar without Evelyn. "I'm sorry," he said, suddenly.

Kaleb groaned, softly. "Dameron, we've been through this--I don't blame you for what happened. Evelyn tricked you, you were left with no choice but to let her go."

"I made a promise to you--to keep her safe. I broke that promise."

"We both know it was a ridiculously hard promise to keep--she was flying in your squadron after all."

BB-8 chirped some encouraging words; Poe sighed and nodded, trying to remain hopeful. It was hard though, when they were flying towards one of the most lawless places in the galaxy. The Resistance wasn't going to give them much clout on Kaddak. Black Squadron was on stand by if Poe and Kaleb didn't report in 24 hours that they had Evelyn, but even then Poe wasn't sure his pilots would be of much help.

Kaleb's brow furrowed in concern for his friend. Poe was usually the optimistic one. Something was eating at him, and it was more than just Evelyn being caught. "You couldn't have known that Oddy was the mole. He was your friend; he was always concerned when Black Squadron was away and now that I think about it, when Evelyn was grounded, he spent a lot of time with her." Maybe we should have known...

Poe shook his head to clear his thoughts. "It's not that. Oddy was blackmailed into betraying us because Terex felt it was fine to threatening someone Oddy loved. Well, whose to say that won't happen to one of us? What if the whole reason that Evelyn was taken was so you and Leia could be blackmailed? Or me?"

"She wasn't taken to manipulate my aunt or myself or even you--she was taken to be turned into a weapon."

"Why? Because turning Ben into a mass murderer wasn't enough?"

Instantly, Poe regretted those words when he saw the anguish flash through Kaleb's blue eyes. Ben's fall to the dark side had ripped the Skywalkers and Solos apart and while most of the galaxy thought that Ben had died that night at the Temple--Poe was one of the few that knew he hadn't. He'd been on Yavin the night it happened--his father had been with him when the found an injured Kaleb and Evelyn, stumbled across Sela's body--Poe had also been present when Kaleb and Evelyn made the terrible confirmation that it had been Ben that led the uprising, Ben that had murdered their mother. Everything had crumbled after that. "I'm sorry, that was... that was insensitive..."

Kaleb smiled, sadly, and shook his head. "What? It's true, isn't it? Snoke poisoned Ben into believing that the Jedi were evil and he needed to kill every last one of us. He turned Ben into what he is now--if there's anything left of my cousin at all."

Poe glanced away, briefly. "It wasn't your fault--just like it wasn't Evelyn's or you father's. Your family needs to stop blaming themselves for the choices that Ben made."

"You sound like Lando--he said the same things to my aunt and uncle."

"Well--you have to admit we might be on to something."

BB-8 chirped that they were pulling out of hyperspace. Poe turned in his chair and effortless guided the ship towards the planet's surface. They had located a spot far outside of the city to land, away from the prying eyes of criminals. Luckily here no one really checked who was coming in and out of the system--it was essential if they wanted to keep up the illegal business. Poe put the Mirror Bright down near a cave and shut the ship down. "Let's get in touch with Dane and Rennick."

Kaleb sighed and nodded, submitting Dane's comm code. The spy appeared looking smug as usual. "I see you've managed to keep yourselves alive."

Poe resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "We just arrived."

"Ah, so there's still time for you to piss off one of the many gangs here, Dameron."

"Do you have anything for us or did you just want us to call to taunt me, Dane?"

"As fun as that would be--we actually do you have information for you."

"And?"

Dane pursed his lips, realizing that Poe wasn't in the mood to play along. "Terex runs a gang out of Kaddak. He has a compound on the planet--after you left, Oddy contacted us again, giving us security codes to enter the compound, safely."

Rennick appeared in the holo projection then. "Commander, we don't have to tell you how dangerous these men are--if you and Captain Skywalker are caught--well, it was nice knowing you."

Poe sighed and nodded, curtly. Black Squadron had been in some nasty places in the last few months, but nothing compared to the dangers he was facing here with Kaleb. But he needed to rescue Evelyn, and he needed to get her back D'Qar safely. So, if he had to go charging into a compound swarming with gang members--he was going to do it. "We'll contact you if we need anything," he sad, reaching to shut the communication done.

"Wait!" Rennick stopped him. "Remember, if we don't hear from you in twenty-four hours, we're sending Black Squadron and our best special operations forces in, got it, Commander?"

"Got it," Poe said, shutting the communication down. He glanced at Kaleb and sighed, "In case those codes don't work--any thoughts on how to break into a gang stronghold?"

----

Evelyn hated waiting and she decided that she particularly hated waiting to die. Because that was the only way this was going to turn out once Terex handed her over to Hux and Kylo Ren--she wouldn't give them what they wanted--she wouldn't turn to the dark side, she couldn't tell them where her father had gone. Once they realized she was worthless to them, she had no doubt that the Supreme Leader would have her executed. And he would probably have Ben to it since he had failed the first time the night the Temple fell.

Hearing heavy footsteps near her cell, Evelyn glanced up to see Terex smiling at her. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, brandishing a bottle and two glasses of wine. "Care to join me for a drink, my dear?"

"Do I have much of a choice?" Evelyn countered, glaring at him.

"I'm not going to force the wine down your throat if that's what your asking," Terex replied, closing the cell door behind him. He sat down in the small chair kitty-cornered from her cot.

"I'll pass, thanks."

"Relax, my dear. According to General Hux you've been bestowed a great honor to meet the Supreme Leader."

"I think General Hux and I have different opinions of what construes as a great honor," Evelyn snapped.

Terex chuckled and poured himself and Evelyn a glass of wine. When she looked reluctant to take it, he grinned. "Now, Miss Skywalker, why would I put poison in this? Like we discussed earlier--you are worth a lot of money to me, my dear."

Evelyn glared at him but still didn't take the wine. "I hope they're happy you bombed a city street to get me."

"Actually, that wasn't me; seems there are a few turf wars going on between arms dealers. That was an assassination attempt--I just got lucky."

"And if the bombs had killed me?"

"Well then, I suspect the First Order would have dealt with the arms dealer that took their prize from them."

"Believe me, I'm not a prize to them--they view me as another weapon."

Grinning, Terex sipped his wine. Once again he held the other glass out to her. "See? Not poison." He delighted when she took his offering and sniffed it, just to make sure. "I think you and I could have had a beautiful friendship, Miss Skywalker, if circumstances were different."

Curiously, Evelyn stared at him. "Friendship? You were hired by the First Order to kidnap me, attempted to kill my friends... and you think we could have had a friendship?"

Terex nodded. "We're not so different, you and I, Miss Skywalker."

Evelyn glared. "Please. Elaborate."

"Neither of us are a fan of the First Order."

"If that's the case, why are you working for them?"

He shrugged. "I needed the money. Business has been difficult since your family dismantled the Empire."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm so sorry about that."

Terex put his glass down and leaned forward in his seat. He took her chin in his hand, less aggressively than she anticipated. "Your family should have had the foresight to realize that the Emperor wouldn't leave ways for his Empire to return--for him to return."

Evelyn felt a cold dread run through her. Long before Ben's fall to the dark side and the destruction of the Temple, her mother had worried about the possible return of the Empire--Sela had specifically cited that there had already been factions of it breaking off before the Battle of Yavin. "The Emperor is dead. My grandfather killed him."

"So the First Order would like you to think," Terex said, standing. He hovered over her. "The Republic is nothing but a facade, my dear."

"The Senate would never..." Evelyn started to say, until she felt a tingly sensation forming in her limbs. "What...what did you...what did you do to me?"

"Just a little something to relax you my dear," the First Order agent replied, holding a small needle up. He'd distracted her just enough to inject her with the drug. "Now, don't fight it, Miss Skywalker--that will only make it worse."

If she had wanted to fight it, there was no way that she could--already Evelyn could feel the drug taking affect. "Bastard," she managed to snarl just before the ship faded away to darkness.

#star wars #star wars fanfiction #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron #evelyn skywalker (oc)#poe x oc #kaleb skywalker (oc)#leia organa #bb-8 #black squadron #we belong to the stars

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jedimaesteryoda · 5 years ago

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Things I Don’t Like About the New Disney Star Wars

I’m a longtime hardcore Star Wars fan. I was introduced to it as a child, and became a bigger fan when I went to high school. I enjoyed the movies and the Expanded Universe, and still go to Comic Con in Jedi and Sith outfits. I was among the fans that was a little worried when Disney bought Lucasfilm and planned to make movies from the franchise. I am sorry to say my fears didn't prove to be unfounded.

1. Luke Skywalker

The protagonist of the original trilogy that we followed on his path to becoming a Jedi Knight. We meet him in The Last Jedi as he is now a disillusioned, bitter old man haunted by his failure with his nephew, Ben Solo. Now, I love the scene where he talks to his old mentor, Yoda, who gives his signature wise words and points out Luke not being grounded in the present, but stuck looking at the past. I also like seeing this Luke show some character development, and sacrifice his life to save the Resistance.

However, I find it hard to believe that a man who never gave up on his father when everyone else including his mentors told him Anakin was a lost cause, would give up on his nephew. I think it would have been better if instead of Han going to Ben in Force Awakens, it was Luke, thinking he could save his nephew like he did his father. He also states the Jedi record is nothing but failure, which is clearly false as Obi-wan stated that up until Palpatine the Jedi served the galaxy for over a thousand generations (25,000+ years). While there is some truth in what he said in there being arrogance among the Jedi with Yoda stating in Attack of the Clones that overconfidence was becoming common among Jedi, saying that the Jedi let a Sith lord come to power really undersells Palpatine. It wasn’t a case of the Jedi’s incompetence letting him come to power, but more Palpatine being a brilliant grand chess master who managed to outplay the Jedi, and effectively manipulate the Senate into granting more power that he was then able to use to crush the Jedi Order and crown himself Emperor. Luke stating that Jedi felt the light side belonged to them showed that Johnson’s homework left something to be desired, given the possessive attitude towards the Force was more the philosophy of the Sith who saw the Force as a tool while the Jedi philosophy was the opposite, in that they saw themselves as tools of the Force.

I can see Luke living in isolation withdrawn from the rest of the galaxy, having stopped taking on students out of feelings of guilt over his personal failure with his nephew, but I don’t see him deciding to end the Jedi and in doing so, choosing to turn his back on the promise he made to his mentor Yoda on his deathbed: pass on what you have learned. I also doubt the guy who abruptly left training on Dagobah to save his friends (and who also saved his life a few times) would abandon them and the galaxy to their fate.

2. The Handling of Rey

I thought Rey could or rather should have been handled better as a character. The problem is how we are really unable to see her growth as a character. Look at Luke’s journey in the original trilogy. In the first film, he is pretty helpless as he needs Obi-wan’s help when he is attacked by Tusken Raiders and two criminals try to fight him at the Mos Eisely Cantina. He also needs Han’s help on the Death Star, and during the Battle of Yavin. In Empire Strikes Back, he needs his friends’ help when Han finds and rescues him on Hoth. He needs Yoda to lift the X-wing out of the swamp during their training, teaching Luke to unlearn the limits he put on his abilities. We also see Luke abandon his training on Dagobah to save his friends only for it to backfire as not only did his friends not need him to escape, but he ends up falling into Vader’s trap, and gets kicked around by Vader. He finds himself stuck in a precarious situation with his right hand cut off and hanging on an antenna. It is only contacting Leia for help that saves him. He knows he screwed up badly. However, in A New Hope you see him use the Force to fire proton torpedoes successfully into the exhaust port. You also see him use the Force to pull the lightsaber from the snowdrift and save himself from the wampa in the beginning of Empire Strikes Back. The beginning of Return of the Jedi, he doesn’t need Obi-wan’s help as the first scene shows him easily subduing two Gamorrean guards with simply a wave of his two fingers. He also manages to kill a rancor with a rock and his wits and later take on an entire barge full of armed men with the whole thing being a plan he came up with to rescue Han Solo that works. The end of the film has him winning a duel with Vader, and managing to turn him back to the light side. You can chart his progress throughout the films, and see his journey going from a helpless farm boy to a powerful Jedi Knight.

In Force Awakens, Rey manages to successfully use a Jedi mind trick on a stormtrooper and pull a lightsaber from a snow drift despite no training, even though with Luke it clearly took effort to pull a lightsaber from a snowdrift in the beginning of Empire Strikes Back. She also managed to defeat Kylo Ren in a lightsaber duel when she should have lost. Firstly, even if she did have some ability with the Force, Kylo did too, and unlike her, he actually had years of experience and training in using the Force and dueling with a lightsaber. He was injured when he fought her, but even injured he managed to defeat Finn who unlike Rey was a soldier with likely years of training in melee combat, so logically Kylo should have won. Secondly, it made more sense from a story perspective for her to lose for the same reason why Luke had to lose his first duel with Vader: to show that even though she was strong and had potential, she still had a long way to go. If she loses her first duel, it makes it that much more meaningful when she beats him in their final duel as it shows how much she has grown. However, winning her first duel with him makes her defeating him in their final duel have less impact, given if she defeated him the first time, how is it surprising if she defeats him the second time?

In The Last Jedi, she managed to move literally hundreds of tons of large boulders easily without any strain, again despite any training, even though Luke struggled to get his X-wing out of the swamp in Empire Strikes Back, and unlike her, he had some training. She also managed to take on multiple Elite Praetorian Guards at once, who along with outnumbering her, as the word in the name “elite” suggests, were also exceptionally trained and skilled in melee combat, the best of the best. With Kylo it makes more sense given he actually had training under both Luke Skywalker and Snoke while she should have been able to do that and move those boulders only after having undergone extensive training. Having her try lifting some heavy objects on Ach-To with some apparent difficulty would have made her moving those boulders more meaningful as it would have shown a clear progression in her abilities, and created a payoff due to her hard work and dedication. Having her spar with Luke with him giving her some tips would have helped to explain her taking on some of the members of the Elite Praetorian Guard, and even with that, she should have taken them on with more difficulty. Hell, you could have had Kylo taken them on easily to show that on Starkiller Base, he was deliberately going easy on her in their duel as he intended not to kill her but turn her. In the Rise of Skywalker, to Abrams’s credit, we do see her train, but a scene like that was needed in the previous films.

That’s because using the Force isn’t supposed to be like superpowers, where like Superman and Spiderman, one gets and is able to use it easily. There is a reason why both Jedi and Sith spend years training to use the Force. It is a power that requires an extensive amount of hard work and discipline to be able to hone and use. Showing her train, and her astounding abilities coming as a result would have been not just more realistic but better for her character story as a whole.

The trilogy also tries to avoid the fact that she made a mistake in coming to Kylo Ren in The Last Jedi as it proves to be a decision that nearly got her killed. She needs to make mistakes to both humanize her character, and as a form of progression as we see her learn from them. I would go so far as to say that Luke had more character development and growth in The Last Jedi than Rey did in the entire trilogy.

As for her backstory, Abrams likely intended for her to be Luke’s daughter only for Johnson to retconn that, and make her a nobody of any special lineage. Abrams then rectonned that, and made her Palpatine’s granddaughter. In my honest opinion, Abrams would have done well to keep Johnson’s change. It was better with Rey as a nobody. Especially when combined with the scene of a child using the Force to pull a broom, it sent the message that the Force pays no attention to bloodlines when choosing who is worthy, and that anyone can be a Jedi, anyone can have the power to make a difference. That power can be found even in the most obscure places like a scavenger on Jabiim or a child slave on Canto Bight. It also fits with Maz Kanata telling Rey that her path is not behind her but in front of her.

She also chose “Skywalker” as her surname at the end, when I think she should have gone with her actual name “Palpatine.” Luke didn’t exactly go around calling himself “Kenobi” after Return of the Jedi. Rey could have gone by her actual surname, signifying that she acknowledges and owns where she came from, but at the same time, she isn’t going to let her grandfather’s dark legacy define her. I think that would have been the better angle.

3. The Plots of the Sequel Trilogy Films

Force Awakens was basically a copy-and-paste of A New Hope. I would have been okay if it was new characters with some old characters going on a mission to a distant planet to destroy a facility, but not one of the good guys carrying plans for basically a bigger version of the Death Star hidden in a droid on a desert planet, and it ultimately culminates in a final battle with said superweapon destroyed (and a mentor figure killed by the new Vader). That was a bit lazy on Abrams’s part. He played it too safe to the point that the whole film felt generic.

Johnson took a lot more risks in The Last Jedi, and some I felt were good like making Rey a nobody, but it was also the plot of Empire Strikes Back: begins with battle that hurts good guys, hero goes to train with Jedi Master on far-off planet while the others are chased by the Empire and the latter group is betrayed while the hero comes back to save them. He also failed to do what Empire Strikes Back had and even Attack of the Clones had: end the middle film on a cliffhanger. Empire Strikes Back ended with Han captured and Vader having revealed to Luke that he is his father. Attack of the Clones ended with the beginning of the Clone Wars as Palpatine overlooked clones marching and being deployed, the war being revealed to be a machination with Dooku acting on the orders of Darth Sidious from the previous film and Anakin and Padme being married in a secret ceremony. The Last Jedi ended with Luke dying and the Resistance having escaped, but no plot point is left unresolved. Johnson also made the short-sighted decision to wrap up so many plot points that should have been saved for the final film that he basically left Abrams with little left, and played a role in Rise of Skywalker’s foundering. An example being that Snoke was killed off so he couldn’t be the final villain, and Abrams likely decided to make Palpatine the final villain instead of Kylo Ren given the handling of Kylo didn’t leave the impression that he would make a great final villain. Essentially, Abrams had been painted into a corner.

Rise of Skywalker, I already covered here. Abrams was again a bit generic with Rise of Skywalker feeling like Return of the Jedi: more superweapons that are destroyed with one shot while the hero fights Palpatine and turns his subordinate to the light side. I had low expectations when I heard Abrams decided to have Chris Terrio help him write the script, the same man who wrote Batman v Superman and Justice League for the franchise of DCEU, both films being critical flops that were considered big letdowns for the the newborn DCEU. Rise of Skywalker ended up having some of the same issues as those films in the form of poor pacing, too much plot convenience and characters being resurrected in a ham-fisted way. Also, if Palpatine was controlling Snoke and was building a fleet of planet-destroying capital ships, then why have Snoke go through the trouble and expense of making Starkiller Base? Hell, why didn’t they wait until after the Sith fleet was finished, and send the fleet out into the star systems with Palpatine sending the message that he had returned, and blown up a planet (the New Republic capital) to demonstrate his power? That would have effectively checkmated the galaxy.

Rey is apparently Palpatine’s granddaughter, which creates so many questions. If Snoke was being controlled by Palpatine, and Palpatine knew Rey was his granddaughter, then why did Snoke try to have Kylo kill Rey if Palpatine intended to use her?

Disney also made the mistake of having another director make the middle film, The Last Jedi, whose vision was at odds with the previous (and later succeeding) one, instead of keeping one director and ensuring the films have a single vision. The three films felt like each was their own thing instead of feeling like part of a larger narrative arc with each sequel retconning the previous film. You can see it in Rise of Skywalker with Luke grabbing the lightsaber that Rey threw away, and saying that is no way to treat Jedi’s weapon as a reversal of Luke tossing away the lightsaber in the previous film. You can also see it when Kylo’s helmet is reforged after it was shattered in the previous film even though the ship it was on exploded. Would Kylo really have gone through the trouble of going into the elevator to gather all the pieces on a sinking ship? Abrams clearly originally intended for Rey to be Luke’s daughter, but after Johnson’s changes, felt he had to change that to her being Palpatine’s granddaughter and choosing to call herself “Skywalker.” That’s what happens when you use two directors with two competing visions.

While the prequels had plenty of flaws, they at least felt like someone was trying to tell a story instead of being a company trying to cash in on a successful franchise. Another issue is that Lucas was a fan of Dune, Flash Gordon and samurai films, and then he mixed all that together along with some other stuff and made Star Wars while Abrams enjoyed Star Wars as a kid, and then made Star Wars.

4. The Background to the Sequel Trilogy

It is established in the new Disney canon that the Rebel Alliance managed to take control one year after the Battle of Endor, and crush the Imperial military. I’m sorry, but I find it incredibly unrealistic that a fascist government (a kind which historically has placed a great emphasis on the military) with a military large enough to control an entire galaxy could have been subdued in such a short amount of time by a force as small as the Rebel Alliance. Even without the Emperor and the second Death Star, the Imperials clearly still had the military advantage against the Rebels in both numbers and resources.

Legends, for all its flaws, was more realistic in how the Rebel Alliance/New Republic took control of the galaxy and subdued the Empire. Killing the Emperor without him having named an heir basically had them dealing with a snake with the head cut off. The Empire, like many empires throughout history once central authority disappears, fell to factionalism with different Imperial generals and Moffs declaring themselves the rightful heirs to the Empire, fighting each other as well as the Rebels and New Republic. This proved to be a mixed blessing. On the one hand, the Rebels didn’t have to fight a united Empire, and were able to deal with smaller, splintered factions as the Empire gradually weakened and the New Republic gradually grew in strength. On the other hand, this also made defeating the Empire a more prolonged struggle since they needed to subdue each Imperial faction and warlord, and there were occasional reversals of fortune where it looked like the Empire was winning. It ended up taking three years after the Battle of Endor to take the capital of Coruscant, and fifteen years until the last Imperial faction surrendered, finally ending the Galactic Civil War.

Instead of the Resistance fighting the First Order, it could have been the New Republic fighting against the remnants of the Empire led by a newly appointed Emperor or Supreme Commander.

5. Bendu and the Ones

In Star Wars Rebels “Steps Into the Shadow,” we are introduced to the Bendu, a giant being that is the personification of the center of the Force. In Star Wars Clone Wars “Overlords,” we have the Ones, a family of beings who are the embodiments of the Force with the Son and Daughter representing the light and dark sides. They are all immortal, indestructible beings that serve as representations of the Force, or they are essentially gods.

I’m sorry, but whoever proposed these characters clearly doesn’t know anything about the mystique of the Force in Star Wars. In the original trilogy, we were never given an explanation for what the Force was other than Obi-wan’s brief explanation and Yoda’s speech of the Force being a mystical energy force that binds the galaxy together and flows through everything. As acclaimed fantasy/sci-fi author George R.R. Martin noted, you need to “keep the magic magical — something mysterious and dark and dangerous, and something never completely understood,” and Lucas understood that to an extent as he was usually intentionally vague when asked to describe the Force. The idea was that the Force was something so infinitely big and vast that no one, not even the wisest and most skilled Force users like Yoda, could truly comprehend it. It’s true power and scope was simply beyond imagination, and one could only scratch the surface of it. What made the Force have such a powerful effect on the imagination of the viewer is the sense of mystery and magic coming from the unknown. Putting in, essentially, deities who are personifications of the Force actually wrecks that unique aspect that gives the Force so much of its power and mystique.

6. Clonetroopers’ control chips

In the Star Wars: The Clone Wars episode “Conspiracy,” it is stated that all the clonetroopers on Kamino have control chips planted into their brains as an explanation for why they carried out Order 66, and killed off their Jedi commanders. I felt that was completely unnecessary given we were already given a satisfactory explanation in Attack of the Clones when Lama Su stated: "You'll find they are totally obedient, taking any order without question. We modified their genetic structure to make them less independent." In other words, the clones were bred and trained since conception for complete obedience, taking literally any order without question. What’s more, this order was given to them by none other than the Supreme Chancellor himself, the commander-in-chief. Few soldiers would have refused a direct order from the highest authority, especially if they were trained for obedience since childhood.

It wouldn’t be the only time they answered a question that didn’t need answering. Rogue One had the guy who designed the Death Star intentionally build an unstable reactor to explain how firing a a pair of proton torpedoes into the exhaust port destroyed it.

7. Solo

I am not in the minority when I say that Solo wasn’t a particularly great film. It was a film that no one asked for, and was completely unnecessary given we had all the information needed about Han Solo from A New Hope: a loner smuggler. For starters, if Solo isn’t his real surname, then a random Imperial official shouldn’t have given him that name, but rather, it would have been more fitting his character if Han himself picked that name. I also think where the movie started was a mistake with a teenage Han fleeing from a crime boss, the beginning should have either spent a good deal on Han’s childhood, or started in the present with Han and Lando planning the heist with background info filled in through flashbacks or dialogue.

The biggest offense was Han actually helping to fund the forerunners of the Rebel Alliance in the end. That actually made his decision to help Luke in the Battle of Yavin less meaningful. It was supposed to be a self-interested smuggler who only looks out for Number One making the selfless decision to risk his life to help people he just met in the midst of a seemingly hopeless space battle. Now, it’s a guy getting back into the game of helping the Rebel Alliance. If Han was going to help any rebels in Solo, they at least could have done it in a way where he suffers a huge personal loss, ie a close friend (like Qira) dies in the effort, and after that, an upset Han basically tells Chewie something along the lines of “From here on out, it’s just going to be you and me. We’re not going to get involved with anyone or anything, it’s just us from now on.” That at the very least wouldn’t have taken meaning away from his decision in the Battle of Yavin.

8. Bringing Back Darth Maul

I liked Darth Maul as a character, and I think he should have gotten more lines in Phantom Menace. However, I may be in the minority on this, but I don’t think he should have been brought back. That he managed to survive being cut in half, falling and survived by himself despite missing the lower half of his body stretches credulity. Even more so when Palpatine thought he was dead, which creates a continuity error. In the Last Jedi, Rey and Leia were able to sense when Luke died despite how far away he was, and in Revenge of the Sith, Yoda was able to feel the deaths of all the Jedi killed in the Jedi Purge, so it isn’t unlikely to say that Palpatine would have known if Maul survived or died given he would have felt his death in the Force. What’s more, Mother Talzin knew Maul was alive, and we’re supposed to believe that she knew, but Palpatine somehow didn’t? As for after Palpatine learns Maul survived years later, I don’t think Palpatine would have allowed another Sith to survive either given it violates the Rule of Two. Maul had also just tried to kill him, making Maul a clear threat, and Palpatine isn’t one to leave any loose ends.

I’m not against having Darth Maul on-screen again, but I think it would have been better if instead of Maul miraculously surviving his duel with Obi-wan, he was shown in a prequel to the Phantom Menace. We would have gotten to see some of his backstory, his relationship with Palpatine as well as be given a look at how Palpatine operates in the shadows behind the scenes.

9. Time Travel

In Star Wars Rebels “A World between Worlds,” Ezra comes across a chamber in the Jedi temple on Lothal with different portals to time periods and space. Ahsoka Tano is rescued through one of them. I’m sorry, but time travel doesn’t belong in Star Wars. I’m okay with seeing visions of the future or premonitions, but being able to travel through time seems out of place, and makes the whole universe feel less grounded.

10. Lightsaber color explanation

I’ve written about this before, but I think making kyber crystals choose the Jedi wielder is a rip-off of Harry Potter with wands. The Sith blades being red, because kyber crystals are attuned to the light-side of the Force and turn red because they are forced by dark-siders to be used is gilding the lily. I felt the original Legends explanation was good enough: the reason Sith blades are red is because their kyber crystals are synthetic while the Jedi kyber crystals are naturally occurring. It fits the whole nature vs. technology dichotomy of the Jedi and Sith.

11. The Villains

Kylo Ren

As far as villains go, I find Kylo Ren to be pretty disappointing. They were clearly going for a combination of Anakin Skywalker from the prequels and original trilogies with a confused young man and the Darth Vader aspects. Darth Vader did well, because in A New Hope, the first scenes we see him are all the introductions needed: his deep voice, his large, imposing black masked figure as he casually and confidently strolls down the hallway of the Tantive IV and choking a soldier to death helped to firmly establish him as the enforcer for the tyrannical Empire (combined with John Williams’s score), and is able to even harm and kill people without touching them in the case of the meeting with the generals. Kylo Ren doesn’t have the same power in his introduction, hell, he doesn’t have the same effect as a villain. While I admit that stopping a blaster bolt in mid-air was impressive, he generally lacked/s the imposing figure and calm, controlled demeanor of his predecessor. Vader was always subtle and controlled with his actions and movements, usually doing little more than extending an arm to either physically choke someone or Force choke them from a distance, and we never saw him bring out his lightsaber until another lightsaber duelist came his way, generally leaving his subordinates, the stormtroopers, to take care of the Rebel soldiers (except in Rogue One, which i felt was out of character for him). Kylo, by contrast, brought his lightsaber out even when there weren’t any enemies around, just so he could wreck a control panel when he threw a tantrum. He got more temperamental in The Last Jedi as he called for the First Order forces to fire on Luke, constantly telling them to fire "MORE!” and Force choked Hux for telling him to stop as opposed to Vader who only Force choked his subordinates if they either failed him, or showed blatant disrespect towards him. Kylo is just a temperamental, overgrown man-child while Vader was largely a cold, calculating and controlled man.

Yes, I think that might have been the point, that Kylo doesn’t measure up to his grandfather, but it still could have been done in a way that made him a more memorable villain. Having a calm, controlled demeanor would have made him more intimidating as a villain, and behind the mask we could have seen a more vulnerable young man. Abrams was kind of going for that, but he made some missteps and Johnson faltered. Vader also wasn’t defeated in a lightsaber duel until the final film, which helped to sell the idea that this guy was invincible while Kylo was defeated in his first duel by Rey, reducing the size of his threat and making him less believable as a final villain.

Vader’s story in the original trilogy is also more compelling as he starts out as the blackest of villains, with his connection to the main hero of the story later established when it is revealed that he is Luke’s father. This affects Luke’s story in having him deal with the temptation of following in his father’s footsteps and turning to the dark side. Vader, on the other hand, has a layer of complexity added to his character, and by the end, he surprises the audience by turning on the Emperor, and saving his son. Whereas with Rey and Kylo’s connection, she is just a complete stranger to Kylo with no real past or ties to him the way Vader had with Luke. Kylo and Rey’s connection is just some Force connection, and it feels quite forced (no pun intended).

I think his gradual conversion back to the light side might have been okay, and his final decision to sacrifice himself to save Rey. Although, Kylo telling Snoke in Force Awakens he feels stirrings from the light side of the Force was too on the nose. Vader didn’t need to say he felt stirrings of that light, as we could tell through scenes and dialogue such as the long pause at the end of Empire Strikes Back and turning and leaving the bridge without saying a word after Luke escapes without Force choking his admiral like he did throughout the film, as well as telling Luke in Return of the Jedi “It is too late for me.” Abrams would have benefited from using more subtlety and nuance.

General Hux

Hux’s character was mishandled. He could have been the new version of Grand Moff Tarkin, a villain from A New Hope portrayed by the great Peter Cushing who would have benefited from more screen time. He and Kylo were set up as rivals, and could have been taken as representing the two sides of the First Order/Empire with Hux representing the the military hierarchy/practical military side and Kylo representing the dark side of the Force/mystical side. The fact that the trilogy had two directors really showed in how his character was handled. In the first film, with the exception of his passionate speech, he for the most part came across as a cold, disciplined military man akin to Tarkin. In the next film, he came off as pretty hammy, lacking the subtlety and nuance of his character in the previous film as he got emotional pretty easily such as in the beginning of the film when dealing with Poe Dameron. He also hardly got any screen time in the final film, and was revealed to be the spy only to be dispatched easily as if he was just a side character rather than a major supporting character. His performance also felt like he was trying too hard to impersonate a Nazi officer with a kind of faux-German accent.

Snoke

Supreme Leader Snoke is the leader of the First Order, and Kylo’s dark mentor. He is supposed to be Palpatine’s new counterpart. Unfortunately, Palpatine is a villain not-so-easily replaced (something Abrams realized, and tried to over-correct to disastrous results).

In the original trilogy, Palpatine isn’t seen in the flesh until the final installment, and up until then, he had been mentioned in the first film and seen through a Holonet in the second. Snoke was introduced much earlier in the first film, Force Awakens, via Holonet and seen in the flesh in the second. When we finally see him, he dies in the second film, without really making a lasting impression. Palpatine’s threat was largely implied through the other characters’ reactions and McDiarmid’s subtle performance and dialogue, making it more effective. The only hint we get to his character before we see him in Return of the Jedi is Vader telling an Imperial commander that the Emperor is coming for a tour, and the Imperial commander changes his position from complaints about being understaffed in making the second Death Star operational to stating nervously “We’ll double our efforts.” Vader adds that the Emperor is less forgiving than he is (Vader having killed several of his subordinates by Force choking for failing him). Just the commander’s reaction is enough to send the message to the audience that the Emperor is a scary guy. However, when we see him, he is a seemingly frail, old man who uses a cane. For most of the film, Palpatine never showed anger or disapproval, if anything he seemed genial and calm, but with an undercurrent of menace. However, like it was with Yoda, one shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, as this appearance was just a front. Palpatine demonstrated how dangerous he actually was when he did get angry, and shot lightning from his fingertips at Luke as his true nature came out. He chillingly stated “And now young Skywalker, you will die,” showing a certain coldness towards the act of killing this person, and then he gave a slight smile right showing that he was enjoying inflicting pain on him. It was a look that in a matter of seconds went from one of sadistic pleasure to uncontrollable rage as he resumed electrocuting Luke.

Snoke’s treatment lacked that subtlety and nuance. We just see him bully Hux and Kylo around with his Force powers, as opposed to keeping his power hidden until the final moment, and we don’t see any of the characters give any real reactions towards him when he is mentioned that make an impression. Having him shown only once briefly via Holonet in Force Awakens at the end when Hux goes to him for instructions once Starkiller Base is blowing up, and having Hux in the next film show some fear when told Snoke wanted to speak with him after the loss of the Dreadnaught and the Resistance’s escape would have done a better job of selling the threat of this villain.

There is also the case of how Snoke dies, as Kylo killing him doesn’t have the same impression or impact as Vader killing Palpatine. For starters, it wasn’t surprising given how horrible he had been to Kylo in the film, going so far as to use Force lightning on him while Palpatine on the surface seemed to be very chummy with Vader, addressing Vader as an old friend and acting like the wise mentor to him. It made it that much more surprising when Vader turned on him. Snoke is killed when Kylo manipulates the lightsaber on his throne to cut him in half. While I admit that is a cunning and creative maneuver on Kylo’s part, it comes a little too easy. When Palpatine was electrocuting Luke, the camera focused on Vader’s face, and even though we couldn’t see his face through the mask, we could tell he was being affected by seeing his son writhing and screaming in agony. Vader then looked back and forth from Luke to Palpatine, showing he was choosing between his mentor and his son. Kylo had no such moment with Rey.

But then it is revealed that Snoke wasn’t the true villain of the series, but Palpatine. Abrams tries to have Palpatine become the main villain in a way that is pretty half-assed, as he basically just shoehorned him in.

12. Bringing Back Palpatine

The main villain of the Rise of Skywalker turns out to be the main villain of the previous two trilogies: Palpatine. Admittedly, Palpatine is one of my top two favorite characters in Star Wars, and it was always great to see Ian McDiarmid play him on-screen. He was the main highlight in the prequels; I could look at each scene he’s in, and write an essay or at least a few paragraphs about just that one scene. His character seemed out of place in this one.

For starters, they just shoehorned him into this film without him even being mentioned in the first two. At least in the original trilogy, by the time we see him in person in Return of the Jedi, Palpatine had previously been mentioned in the first film, A New Hope, and later introduced via Holonet in Empire Strikes Back, which provided plenty of build up towards his appearance in the third film. He played a key role in the story as he was the dark side counterpart to Yoda, founder of the tyrannical Empire, the one who turned Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader, and was seeking to do the same to Luke. He was the personification of temptation towards the dark side and the Empire, the devil himself, who along with Vader was the final trial Luke needed to face before becoming a Jedi. In the prequel trilogy, Palpatine was the main villain in plain sight all along who was masquerading as the friendly Supreme Chancellor while he was Darth Sidious in the background pulling strings, and slowly turning the Old Republic into the Empire. In the sequel trilogy, he is introduced at the eleventh hour just to give Kylo and Rey something to unite against, and serve as the main antagonist. He didn’t contribute at all to the plot in the first two films.

In my opinion, he should have stayed dead. It seemed more fitting in that despite being the most successful Sith lord in history, having gone where no Sith has gone before by conquering the Galactic Republic and wiping out the Jedi Order, Palpatine still succumbed to the tradition of the Rule of Two, and like his predecessors was killed by his apprentice. The man who destroyed countless lives and betrayed so many people in his rise to power as well as after from the Separatists and senators to his apprentices, himself met his end by betrayal. By making him alive, Abrams also made Vader’s sacrifice in Return of the Jedi less meaningful. Vader originally found himself in choosing between the light (Windu) and the dark (Palpatine), chose the latter largely to save someone he cared about, his wife, and nearly wiped out the Jedi Order. He found himself in the same situation again, choosing between the light represented by Luke and the dark, again represented by Palpatine, and he chooses the former this time for the same reason: to save someone he cared about, his son. In the end, he turns again and in his last act destroys the Sith line, killing the last of the Sith lords, and ending Palpatine’s reign of terror for good and all. He thus fulfills his role as the Chosen One . . . only, whoops, turns out Palpatine survived, and the Chosen One didn’t actually do shit. Some do argue that Anakin did bring balance to the Force for a time, but if Palpatine was the cause of the imbalance and he survived only to be defeated permanently by Rey, then Anakin didn’t truly bring back balance to the Force, Rey did.

Also, I had trouble following his plan. I mean in the prequels you could follow his plans and actions, and see the logic behind them. In the Phantom Menace, he had the Trade Federation invade his planet of Naboo so he could simultaneously get Supreme Chancellor Valorum removed from office, and use the sympathy vote over his planet being the one blockaded to win the race for Supreme Chancellor. In Attack of the Clones, he had Dooku hire Jango Fett to assassinate Amidala, since he was the cloning template for the clone army, and he knew Obi-wan would eventually track Fett down to Kamino and discover the clone army that would be used to fight the Separatists. He had Dooku create the Confederacy of Independent Systems so he could ignite a galactic civil war, and use it to have the Senate give him emergency powers that combined with the clone army could eventually be used to crown himself Emperor and wipe out the Jedi. In Revenge of the Sith, he revealed to Anakin that he was a Sith knowing that Anakin would tell the Jedi, and they would come to try and arrest or kill him, providing Palpatine the purported justification for issuing Order 66.

In Rise of Skywalker, he told Kylo to kill Rey. He then told Rey he expected her to come, and that his plan was for his spirit to go into her body. He then used both Kylo and Rey’s life forces to heal fully. I’m sorry, but what was his plan exactly? If the plan involved Rey in any capacity, why didn’t he just tell Kylo to bring Rey to him? If he needed to use both their life forces, sending Kylo to kill Rey would just result in at least one of them dying, and if it was just Rey he wanted, it would risk her being killed.

I wouldn’t have opposed seeing Palpatine in Rise of Skywalker, but as a Force vision a la Luke’s experience in the cave on Dagobah in Empire Strikes Back.

Then, there was the way Abrams handled him. Instead of not mentioning him, and just saving his reveal for the third act after some building up, Abrams just reintroduces him in the opening. It doesn’t have the same effect. Palpatine also was most effective by being subtle and nuanced with an undercurrent of menace, which clearly wasn’t present in this film. He didn’t feel as threatening as he did in Episodes VI and III. He was also disposed of too easily, all it took was Rey to cross two lightsabers in front of her, to deflect his Force lightning back at him.

With Palpatine, Abrams and Disney just brought back something beloved by fans with no real reason to other than as a cheap throwaway to sell tickets, and proceeded to use it in a half-assed way without any real regard for or understanding of it’s role and importance. The way they treated Palpatine is a perfect symbol for how they treated the entire Star Wars series.

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atamascolily · 5 years ago

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I never actually read Junior Jedi Knights #1: The Golden Globe by Nancy Richardson before, so I figured I’d give it a shot. Like most of Star Wars Legends, it is a trip, but in a fun, if confusing way.

The academy was built to train people to become Jedi Knights, protectors of freedom and justice. Only beings who had shown they were skilled in working with the Force had been invited to attend the academy. Anakin was one of those chosen to attend the first session created for younger children and aliens.

So... Jedi Hogwarts, then. The first Harry Potter book was published in Britain in 1997 and in the US in 1998, and this book was published October 1, 1995, so it actually predates Hogwarts, but I’m still calling it that.

Leia “can’t bear” to have all three kids away at Jedi Hogwarts at the same time, so now it’s Anakin’s term. I’m raising my eyebrows because Leia is a politician assuming she’s not actually Chief of State right now; she’s super-busy and Winter took care of the kids for much of their childhood. It does explain why we never see anyone from the YJK books in this series, and the good-bye scene between Anakin, Leia, and Han is 300% more believable and heart-warming than anything in the Disney ST, so I approve.

Also, here’s some world-building for all your Yavin 4 fics:

“The Great Temple hasn’t been changed much on the outside,” Luke said. He had sensed his nephew’s curiosity. “But we had to change the inside in order to create the academy rooms. We’ve divided some spaces into sleeping and refresher units for you and your classmates. And we’ve hung heavy drapes above the open windows. The windows in the Temple have no glass because the climate here is so warm that we rarely need it. However, every few months we have terrible storms. The temperature drops and rain and winds whip through the jungle. When that happens the heavy drapes keep the temple warm and dry. There’s one place that we haven’t touched, though-the Grand Audience Chamber at the top of the Temple. All of the instructors and students here agree that it is just too beautiful to change,” Luke explained.

(And then everyone who’s seen the movie would be confused! LOL)

HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I LIKE THAT TIONNE IS A MAJOR PLAYER IN THESE BOOKS? Because I do. Traveling with Luke and rescuing kids, singing songs, being kind... #legend. I don’t think we ever see Kam, though, so I don’t know what he’s up to. It’s literally just Luke and Tionne, plus a bunch of NPCs here.

I don’t get how Anakin can be so good with droids yet not understand Artoo’s Binary, but okay. I love how Artoo just follows him around for... reasons, or he would except Anakin cheats by using the stairs. Ignore Artoo at your peril, kid.

More world-building:

Anakin had reached the Grand Audience Chamber. It was the highest room in the Temple, and unlike the other rooms, it had not been rebuilt for the academy. Gently Anakin pushed open the large doors. He walked into the center of the Grand Audience Chamber. The walls were a deep tan stone, worn smooth over the years. Blueleaf shrubs, the most common shrub on the moon, poked through several cracks in the stones. They attached themselves to the stone with suckers. The shrubs were electric blue, and as Anakin leaned close he could smell a spicy perfume.

(As an aside, I don’t understand why Legends makes the Grand Audience Chamber at the top of the Temple - the room we see in ANH seems too large to fit at the top of a pyramid the size the ones in Chichen Itza. Does anybody have any drawings of the interior of the Temple of Kukulcan or any other Meso-American step-pyramids to confirm or deny this? Also, I don’t get why an audience chamber would be at the top of so many stairs - it seems like you’d want that to be closer to the ground for easier access for the plebes, and keep the upper levels as private space for the aristocracy. But I digress...)

Anakin meets Tahiri, who is from Tatooine and raised by Sand People, because we need to have more movie references and there are only like 5 acceptable planets for Star Wars writers, because movies, so that’s fine. Her defining character traits are impulsiveness, constant chatter, and a distaste for shoes.In light of the prequels, her comments on sand have aged well:

“Where I’m from it’s hot and there’s sand everywhere - gritty sand that sticks between your toes. So, aren’t you going to say something?”

Tionne shows up and sends them to bed. Anakin’s not a morning person. #Relatable. At breakfast, his reaction to Tahiri’s account of her dream in which he saves her on a river is priceless:

Anakin was silent. So this was what his brother Jacen was always talking about. I guess girls do get crushes on boys and say things that make no sense, he thought.

LOLOLOLOL. Also, Anakin says Jacen and Jaina are his best friends and Tahiri laughs and says No, I’m your best friend now like I said yesterday, and MY HEART. These kids. I love them.

Anyway, Luke lectures them on the Force, and it’s mostly Yoda’s sayings all mushed together, and apparently “Believe and you succeed” really is a part of it, so okay then. We swing suddenly from Anakin’s POV to Luke’s and it’s kinda jarring, especially since Luke is only interested in recapping his own personal history and has nothing new to say.

Anakin starts dreaming the same dream as Tahiri and hearing voices, so they sneak out to investigate even though Luke has explicitly warned them not to. Anakin’s so worried about being kicked out, it’s charming...

LOL, Tionne expects them to lift 2-kilo weights with their minds on the first day. What. They do it through the Power of Friendship, because of course they do, in between plotting how to get out of the academy and investigate the dream.

Fortunately, Artoo is there to help! Good old Artoo! He’s got a lot of practice in being sneaky. I have no idea why the raft is conveniently there waiting for them in the jungle, but okay. Tahiri falls in during the storm, but fortunately Anakin is able to use his lesson in TK to save her. They lift Artoo out the same way once they get to their destination, but Tahiri drops him in the water when her control slips. Good thing he’s waterproof!

Anakin name drops Exar Kun and a bunch of Yavin IV backstory. I like that Anakin is Indiana Jonesing his way across Yavin while simultaneously wondering if his uncle’s going to kick him out. Also Artoo brought the only light. They find a mysterious golden globe and a cute animal named Ikrit and cover themselves in glitter before heading back.

Tahiri’s already willing to sacrifice herself for Anakin in case Luke wants to kick them out and they’ve literally just met and this makes me wish I didn’t know what I know about NJO, because now everything hurts.

Luke’s waiting them for them, all stern in his Jedi blacks and.... Artoo steps up and lies for the kids, and he decides he’s not going to end their careers as a Jedi students just yet. LOL.

Meanwhile, Ikrit is curled up in Anakin’s bed - turns out he’s a secret Jedi Master and the voice in Anakin’s head. Turns out the globe is full of trapped children because Exar Kun is a jerk and they can’t tell any adults or it will be destroyed. Ikrit’s been sleeping for hundreds of years waiting for the right kids and he chose them. Of course, Anakin and Tahiri vow to do what they can to help, even though it’s going to be difficult, because of Luke’s lecture earlier, which Anakin can recite from memory (he really does have an eidetic memory, doesn’t he?). The end.

I have so many questions. Why did Artoo help them out? (I assume Ikrit, but I don’t remember if that’s ever explicitly spelled out. And can Jedi talk to droids with the Force? How did Ikrit meet Artoo? It just raises more questions.) Was it Ikrit or Artoo who set up the raft? How did they do that and where did they get it? Does Ikrit even have thumbs? Why couldn’t Anakin and Tahiri just walk to the Palace of Woolamanders or whatever? Did Ikrit really hibernate for four centuries straight or did he wake up every couple of years to stretch his legs and whatnot? Why did he do that rather than, you know, get help or something? Why has Tahiri been dreaming of the river her whole life, only for the dream to suddenly jump to Anakin? Is Ikrit sending her the dreams or is the Force?

I like how there’s such an emphasis on training, when they’ve been on-planet for less than a week (three days??) because that’s how fast the plot moves when you’re eleven (and Tahiri is NINE!). These kids! Did I mention I love them?

Ikrit is technically a Kushiban and not a Hoojib as I’d originally thought. I’m not sure exactly what the difference is, since they’re both sentient telepathic lagomorphs, but that’s fine, I guess. I am fond of the Hoojibs, but I didn’t know about them until @joysweeper posted some Star Wars Marvel comics from the ‘70s with Plif, so they’re not exactly common knowledge. That said, I really like the illustration of Ikrit on the cover, and I’m also absurdly fond of him in spite of the fact that canon is so flimsy here.

#star wars legends #junior jedi knights #the golden globe #book reviews #eu fuckery #jedi academy shenanigans

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crqstalite · 5 years ago

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SHAN, Overture.

Among the fires, the crashing rubble and whatnot around her, time stops. She realizes she's probably staring down death. It's not unusual, she'd done it before and come out of it stronger. Cults that she oversaw called her immortal for a reason, after all.

She can still grasp onto what she has during it all. Onto her spiraling sanity as chaos reigns in the ship, screams of troopers Republic and Imperial falling around her. Her hair is pasted to her forehead with sweat as the world spins, gripping her lightsaber and throwing a droid backwards into a wall. They fall apart with ease, the crunching of the durasteel comforting during these trying times.

How had she gotten here?

Well, that question was answered easily enough, she deadpans in her thoughts, helpful questions only. A shot from behind surprises her, as she just barely deflects it and sends an arc of lightning right back at it. The droid is electrocuted and quivers before her as she stabs it through with her doublesaber. Staring out a viewport once that's dealt with, she wonders where in blazes her personal ship is. No one has answered for ages and she's terrified for their fate.

Given a moment to think as the onslaught by the droids pauses, that's what she does.

Lexulle Kallig can remember the first time she met Theron Shan rather clearly. She had still been damp with salty ocean water from Manaan's endless sea (her weave was entirely ruined, and she'd just gotten it done days earlier on Dromound Kaas), suspicious of his intentions but willing to compromise with her newfound ally (it was one of the first times he'd saved her), Lana Beniko and not throw a hissy fit over nothing. He'd had a chiseled jaw, stubble, a strong form. He'd been nothing more than a liability at first, for she didn't trust anyone who fought for the Republic and tore down Korriban brick by brick, but no one would ever say that she had the best taste in men. She couldn't afford to keep her standards high, not like she was anyone but Darth Occlus. She thought about him for a while during the months they were undercover on Rishi, but nothing that ever bothered her. Nothing that ever kept her up at night. The flirty lines that she'd dropped had shocked him, yes. That was always the look she was looking for, the one that filled her with satisfaction. His force presence had been locked off to her for very long time, but his hazel eyes had always said otherwise. He piqued her curiosity, and with his actions during that time, it was safe to say she'd done the same to him.

There were quite a few flings during that era that she could name and place a face to. Plenty more that even after some thought, she still couldn't remember. Not that many could say they'd been with Darth Occlus, but the man or woman in question could always remember it with pleasure.

She didn't keep in contact. Lexulle didn't keep ties, those were dangerous to have as a Sith. You never knew who wanted you for your body, or who wanted you because they were a spy for one of her enemies. The less people who knew where to find her, or what drew her in to someone, the better.

Lexulle seemed to gather quite a few enemies within her time on the Council. People either loved her, or hated her for loving her. The love letters were sweet and typically were genuine, the threats made her laugh.

It was such fun to watch them struggle with these ideas. Call it wrong or stupid, but she wouldn't care. Lexulle never cared for rules or social norms, she was never one for them to begin with. It wasn't like she had anyone waiting for her at home, and with the commitment debacle with Andronikos, she didn't need any reminder of her failures. Rumors be damned, Lexulle was a siren and people would always listen to her songs.

Then Rishi came.

If only she knew the trouble she'd get into before landing, she would've ignored the ominous premonition Ashara had and left to get into surely more trouble.

It was much too hot a planet, and she'd been forced to find someone to braid up her hair before it got too frizzy (they'd charged much more than it was worth, but if she could pay a thousand credits to still have hair when she left, well it was priceless) There were plenty of fascinating people on Rishi, some worth a night in the cantina with, others that reminded her why boundaries were a thing. Still, it was interesting discovering Lana had thrown her on a wild goose chase for her and Theron. Still then, he was just Lana's ally to her. But, Lexulle was also a merciless tease, and watching a man squirm was a little fun, if not also entertaining to the highest degree. Andronikos may not have approved of playing games with the man's heart and even warned against it, but she didn't care anymore. Nik had been her ex at one point, yes, but she didn't heed his words. They were friends, yes, but he couldn't tell her what to do.

She knew her heart best, right? What did he ever know about wanting to cause a little chaos with people? All was fair in love and war.

Then had come the tight leathris pants and skimpy top that was probably better for bathing than running around fighting Revanites in. Given it had also been much too hot for her usual wear, but the eye candy she surely became, that was worth it. Oh how things became interesting after that. Who could resist, really? Andronikos couldn't, not in the beginning. Plenty of people couldn't, as frustrated as they were about this admittance. And as it quickly was made apparent just as she was getting ready to leave for the jungle moon, neither could Theron Shan.

The genuine panic that had filled her when she'd heard he'd been taken was unwarranted, really. Andronikos had left plenty of times before, she left people every damn day. Why did it actually hurt this time around, knowing someone else had him and was threatening his life? They'd gotten him back, yes, and the relief was sweet as it washed over her body. Battered and bruised, maybe, but still alive.

She'd given the Revanites a way to remember her, yes. By massacring what was left of their blasted cult.

The way he tasted of sweat and spice, and oh stars everything nice left her wanting more. Had they not been on such a tight schedule, she would've spent a few days more on Rishi with him, taken him right then and there in the safehouse. The kisses they shared during their Yavin excursion made her warm all over. Lexulle always wanted more, always craved for things she couldn't or shouldn't have (and Theron classified as both of these), but for some reason she wasn't satisfied with just annoying him. Couldn't ever find a reason why their little meetings should stop, why she'd get hurt in the long run.

Lexulle never got hurt in the long run. Everyone else wanted her, not the other way around. Absolutely never.

Something was off about this though. By now, she would've switched gears to Lana (she was a pretty Sith, blonde with lips just so kissable. she was beauty, she was grace and she could probably be the end to the entire sith race if that's what she wanted), but something about him was just so alluring she decided she wasn't ready to let go just yet. She could play her games a little bit longer, especially with someone so handsome. Theron was simply someone she enjoyed, physically that was. He was smart, calculating, and just awkward enough to make her smile a little more than necessary. It didn't make it any worse that he was rather strong as well, which was clear from his figure to begin with, but running hands wherever she could get the made her realize what sort of a catch he was. Forget that he was five years older than her, she was content with making him her's for as long as she could.

And his jacket looked so nice on a floor. His shuttle's specifically, but all the same.

The way he ran his fingers through her hair, careful not to get them caught in knots and yank on it, but just rough enough to make it pleasurable. How rough and husky his voice could get, how delicate his touch was just about everywhere made the chase worthwhile. The nights they spent away from the others of the coalition that she doubted she'd forget about anytime soon. Lexulle made a note that she'd have to acquire a jacket like Theron's, for no reason other that she liked the way it looked. It wouldn't make much a difference, as it wouldn't be his, but impulse purchases weren't above her.

Then came all these things about caring about her, about how he didn't want her to die even if he never saw her in person again, on the same side again. How he was so very sorry that he wouldn't ever see her again. When had she ever said anything to make him think this was anymore than what she'd made it? It set a fire in her that burned at her skin, burned at her heart, burned away at her. Made her regret what she'd been doing, leading him on when he was just a fling. She couldn't bear to tell him she didn't care in that way, not with the way he looked at her. It was so easy with everyone else because she could simply hop back on the Defiance and leave the star system with them still whispering her name under their breath. Sleazy people, people out for money instead of themselves, people who wouldn't remember her in the morning.

It had taken her this long for her to realize that Theron wasn't like everyone else. He'd begun to care.

She was afraid that unlike Andronikos, he wouldn't be nearly as forgiving.

Afraid that they'd have the same conversation, and she'd make the same mistakes again. That instead of being remembered pleasantly, the memory of Theron Shan would eat at her for years. Lexulle made a habit of not having regrets, and an SIS agent, especially one that she'd had so much fun toying with, she was praying would not be one of them.

Lexulle found out she was afraid of a lot of things as she patched up after their fight with Revan. She could fight an ancient evil, watch as another rose because of it and brush it off like it was a mid-afternoon training session. Lexulle could have ghosts in her head, face down death because of her pursuit of power and accept that it was just happening. These things were all normal, all things she could do with a lightsaber or a flick of her wrist. These things could all be fixed with a bacta patch or another dark ritual. But as soon as someone wanted to stick around for longer than a night, that was when the anxiety began roiling off her in waves. Ate her up. Drowned her in feelings that she didn't want to have.

Made her want to run. Run far, run fast. Just anywhere away from whatever was causing it. Most problems she could do that to, Theron included. Or so she'd assumed so very foolishly.

She and Andronikos weren't that different in that regard. He'd disappeared for a week after his marriage proposal, which had been one of the toughest weeks in her entire life to date. Knowing she'd offended him, knowing she'd disappointed him. Lexulle knew he deserved more than someone more than a decade younger than him, knew he deserved better than someone who only knew how to run from her problems.

Lexulle had made the mistake of guessing that because he was so much older than her, that he'd given up on love. She always figured older spacers weren't looking for marriage, instead someone to just be on again off again partners with. That's what she thought they were, they hadn't ever been mutually exclusive to each other either. Neither her or Andronikos ever made that boundary entirely clear, and now she was paying for it.

That wasn't Nik. He'd begun to care about her at some point, with how she'd disregarded him entirely she couldn't even name a specific planet that she'd noticed the change in behavior. And then she'd gone and hurt him because of how stupid she'd been. How awkwardly she'd stood there, his hands in her's, the world spinning around her as the word 'marriage' was uttered. He'd looked so happy, so absolutely ecstatic that she couldn't do anything, say anything in response. Lexulle could only imagine how guilty he'd felt in that moment, scaring her in such a way. Her eyes had gone wide, and she'd dropped her hands entirely, barely able to choke out a 'no' as she hung her head.

He'd left in the middle of the night. The only person who knew was gone was Khem, and even so he didn't try to stop him. They must have spoken that night, because Khem was much less informative than he should've been. Not a clue on where he was, what he was doing. Not even a note was left anywhere on the ship. Lexulle tried not to make it obvious, she went about her daily tasks until she had to ground them on Dromound Kaas for a period of time to get her mind back in order, prepared for the fact that he might not come back that time.

He'd come back later that week while they were docked on Vaiken, all himself and joking around. When she eventually had been able to apologize for her behavior, he'd chuckled, responding only that he was a tad shocked but not offended by her rejection. That he'd always be there for her anyways, in whatever way she needed him. She knew hurt in anyone's eyes when she saw it, and the dark eyes of Andronikos Revel screamed that it wasn't the truth. His presence said he was deeply hurt, and as much as she desperately wanted to talk to him about it, wanted to say she was sorry, even take back her decline of his proposal, she couldn't find the strength to. Not in the end.

They rarely if ever brought up the topic if not to jester each other about it. That was the way they'd comfortably been for months, leading up to their dealings with Arkous and Lana. Always something on the tip of their tongues, lingering touches that were reminiscent of something that should have been.

The night that they were due to leave Yavin was...quiet. Too quiet.

Softer than usual, sensual. They took their time that night, or more like Theron did. He asked questions about the scars littering her body, which she gave genuine answers to. It made her more nervous than it had any audacity to be, the slower pace leaving her confused. The conversations that they had were probably meant to be more meaningful than she'd seen them as, than how'd she responded to them. She'd congratulated Theron on his return to the SIS, he'd done the same to her for her acception to Darth Marr's side. There was a lot that went over her head that night, trying to wrap her head around not only the rise of the Emperor, but also the feelings that were bubbling up and over in her. They'd laid with each other for much longer than they should've, Andronikos had commed her at least ten times that night, wondering where she was. Theron wasn't sentimental, even after a few weeks of passionate love, she could tell that wasn't who he was. Like her, she was sure he had also been with other people than her and wasn't quick to admit that he loved her. He didn't, not then, but his actions lead her closer and closer to the assumption.

While he slept that night, the more and more her heart pounded. The more and more she couldn't handle the idea the rest of the galaxy saw as committal love.

The more and more she couldn't stay there.

Couldn't stay with him.

Trusting her physical being to someone was one thing, trusting her spirit, her entire life with someone else for the rest of forever? It made her feel as if she could be attacked at any moment, as if she was in danger all the time, and that she always had to be on her toes. The rush she got from every action she took was amazing, but making herself vulnerable to other people also gave her a rush, one that sent her careening over the metaphorical edge.

One she didn't want to ever feel again, to ever be taken advantage of again.

Theron was good, she knew that much. Why he'd taken so much interest in Darth Occlus of all people, as morally okay she could be, Lexulle would never know. She'd never know why he found her so interesting. She knew her own reasons for what she did, those were clear enough. But he'd never left himself open enough to her to learn. Theron had his own reservations about their current situation, then.

The middle of that night, she found herself slipping on clothes as she felt around for them, later she'd discovered that she'd ended up accidentally taking his shirt with her in the pile of clothes. Without even saying goodbye, the only indent of her ever even being on the shuttle was the wrinkle in the sheets and missing gauntlets that she'd left on his nightstand. Like a twisted fairy tale, she disappeared into the wee hours of the night, silent as Andronikos returned them to the Imperial Fleet.

He didn't press the matter, for he already had known where she'd been all that time. He was content enough to sit with her in the cantina, neither drinking much, just...existing among it all. It was a sort of out-of-body experience, one she didn't remember well. There weren't any tears, weren't any words. Only them, and the few people that still straggled around the Fleet at 06:00.

It was comforting, in the odd way they comforted each other. There weren't any snippy remarks that surely anyone else would give her about her infatuation with the SIS agent, there wasn't any snide comment made about his upbringing, nor was there any 'I told you so' to be said or heard. There was whiskey, there was a dark corner, and there was quiet music playing. Lexulle didn't do anything, all she could think about was static. As if someone had turned her head to another channel entirely.

For a long time, the shirt didn't leave her personal quarters.

It was too personal. So much of a risk. It felt like a crime when she'd eventually awoken the next day (she'd slept through the next twenty-four hours until about 03:00), and found his tan shirt with her things. She could only stare at it through her bleary eyes, thick with sleep and holding it in her hands as she looked at it in tired confusion. What spurred her on to wear it back to bed that same night, she wasn't sure.

It smelled like him. Reminded her of him as she dozed off into unconsciousness. Softer than expected, a tad larger than expected as well. It offered some solace in those months, doing menial tasks in the shirt, gently yanking at a hole she'd found at the bottom of it when she got nervous and was working in private.

Then came what the crew of the Defiance dubbed the hellish year. She was sick off and on for weeks at a time after she'd left Yavin, and Lexulle couldn't detect what in blazes was wrong with her for the longest time. It drove her nearly to madness, assuming there was something she'd come across in those caverns that was causing this. Certain scents would throw her for a loop, and there was a period of time that there wasn't anything she could eat and not gag from. It frustrated her, and it confused her crew to no end. Lexulle had never been picky, not with people and definitely not with food. To that day, Ashara would swear up and down nothing had changed with her force presence, nothing that she could figure at the very least. They stayed on Dromound Kaas for a period of time before they discovered that the smell of the rain was causing nausea as well. And that was just odd in itself, Lexulle loved the scent of the rain on her homeworld.

Lexulle had found out during a particularly bad day with her senses being off the wall.

She could remember that rather clearly. She'd been meditating in her personal quarters, trying to keep herself from losing what little she'd eaten earlier in the day. It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore, but she was slipping more and more into the depths of the Force. Her senses had begun to numb as she was surrounded with the fluid ability, feeling more at ease than she had in days. She could feel everyone's presence around her, Talos' curious nature in the cargo bay, Khem assisting him boredly with stars knew what. Andronikos' and Ashara's in the cockpit, surely learning to fly the Defiance from the pirate. Xalek's in the crew quarter's, in a similar state to her's. Her own, dimmer than usual, but another that shone brighter. At first she tried to focus in, completely lost and where it was coming from. Convinced it was simply a small creature that has snuck aboard, but as she did, it was clear it was nothing unnatural or mystical.

It was emitting from her.

After a few moments of confusion, that was when the entire galaxy shattered around her. At first, it logically didn't make sense. She was on medication, and it was essentially fool-proof. It had been for years. Andronikos was living proof. Lexulle was in denial for about ten minutes before she really was nearly tearing out her hair, curled up in a corner with bile burning her throat and tears streaming down her face in a silent sob. Maybe she was overreacting, it happened and would probably continue happening. She was an actor half the time with everyone else anyways, maybe her senses were wrong. Maybe there really was a force sensitive beetle somewhere nearby, and her exhaustion was catching up her. Everything was throwing them off right now, she wouldn't put it past them to run haywire when she needed them to just be accurate for once.

It added up when she thought it about it, scouring through the pack she'd brought with her to Yavin during her panicked ransack of her room, and finding that her medication had been empty for weeks through blurred eyes. Among everything going on, she must've made a note to refill it, but had forgotten at some point trying to fight Revan and his cult. It had never crossed her mind again that she hadn't done so, simply thrown away the other non essential things she needed to do before she left. Maybe there was a mental note bouncing around in there that she wasn't supposed to be with Theron. No wonder everything had felt so off lately, now that she had the answer everything began to fall into place.

She was pregnant, with Theron Shan's child. Those words were enough to cause a lot of emotions, if not also drive her crazy. Even just thinking about it, knowing what she'd caused yet again, scared her to no end.

And now there wasn't anything she could do about it.

That was the worst part of that year. Though Lexulle had tried to keep it a secret as long she could, she'd ended up crying to Andronikos in the middle of the night because of it, unable to keep a hand on her emotions properly any longer. Things hadn't gone flying like the last time she'd had a mental breakdown (her apartment was untouchable for months after Andronikos had proposed, she'd only recently cleaned when they'd gone to try and remedy her symptoms), but she was more scared than upset this time too. Scared because even though she figured this was the beginning of her legacy, something she'd been chasing since she'd been given a power base, it wasn't with someone who would watch them grow. She couldn't get in contact with Theron since Yavin, she couldn't just go looking for him either. Only the stars knew where he'd be, and they would never align for Lexulle Kallig. Andronikos was here for her, as was the rest of the Defiance's crew, but her child would never know their father. Her biggest fear was them turning out like her. Jaded, scared of commitment, and never knowing anyone but the people who claimed they cared about her. From what she'd heard from Theron before they'd split, his relationship with his mother at least had suffered dangerously for years before they were reunited on Rishi. Attempts were made, at the very least. They'd seemed civil the last time she'd been in contact.

Knowing she couldn't get in contact with him, made her wonder if it was fate. Wonder if it was destiny that was playing games with her, forcing her to make decisions even she didn't believe in.

It didn't make her feel any better, knowing she was carrying on a twisted legacy. Knowing that history was repeating itself only a generation later. She couldn't imagine how the Grand Master of the Jedi Order would react to knowing a Dark Council member was carrying on her name, if she ever found out.

Lexulle wrote letters that were never sent. Long, short. The longest one was her admittance to being with child. She'd desperately wanted to send it, but without any screen or pen name to address it to, the letters gained dust in her inbox.

Everyone else found out slowly after that, and it was general acception. Khem was the only one who was truly disgruntled by this development, and threatened to rip Theron limb from limb the next time he saw him, but the complaints were quickly silenced by the others. All she wore for months was the shirt she stole from Theron, and silently thanked whatever gods were out there for it being over sized so that she could continue to wear it as she slowly grew. She'd intended to stay on the fringes of Sith society, helping where she could until she began to show. There was a period of time where she wondered what she'd do when she did, as there were already enough rumors spiraling around about her. Mostly of her infidelity, but she digressed. Who her baby's father was, was not one she wanted floating around for her child to grow up in the shadow of. Lexulle had decided she would cross that bridge when she came to it, and if worst came to worst she'd see how Andronikos felt about being viewed as her child's father in society's eyes.

Ziost interrupted those plans.

It was only a month after she'd found out, so she wasn't concerned about Lana finding out while they were on planet (later she was curious if Lana had known from the beginning, considering her power). Against everyone's wishes (she was very quickly reminded why she and Andronikos would never work, not very well at least, he worried too much and she didn't worry enough according to the pirate) she went to go and assist the blonde Sith Lord. With all the adrenaline running through her veins, the two days she spent on the dying planet were relatively symptom free, which was a horrible form of bliss because she could feel them pulsating at the back of her nerves.

When she'd seen Theron again, beaten and bruised by his excursion through the planet, she couldn't even react. Everything came crashing through her, every single emotion of elation, frustration, depression, regret, excitement, and confusion hit her like a train. Lexulle had been so convinced that she'd never see the SIS agent again that she'd literally crashed. She'd stared like a fool until Andronikos gently shook her out of her stupor, and even then she couldn't acknowledge him properly. With everything going on, she highly doubted even he found anything off about her, especially after nearly dying earlier in those two days. She wouldn't have, there were more things to worry about other than that she was just more tired than usual. Lexulle put her game face on, pretending nothing was wrong and being the same way she was on Yavin. He didn't react as quickly, though he noted her actions with visible understanding. The mission went on without a hitch (well, multiple hitches that she had no hand in), and she couldn't even get a moment alone with him before the planet lost all the life on it. It'd died right before her eyes, a planet she'd risked her and her unborn child's life for, and there was all of their work going to dust. There was crying from people around her, frustrated yelling, and all she could focus on was the viewport, watching as the various colors of the planet were overtaken by a solemn grey. How small she felt, how vulnerable she felt, how powerless she felt. Vitiate was rising again, and there was nothing she could do about it.

There was so much that she could do nothing about. So much that she could grasp, but couldn't hold onto.

Nothing was concrete in her life anymore, and that scared her much more than the Emperor's ability to destroy a planet's life just like that. Knowing that a galactic menace was on the rise, that her child would be born into all of this.

Knowing that history was repeating itself again. This time through her. Her mother had known that things were taking a turn for the worse. The illegitimate daughter of a Commander and his slave, she had been raised in a time of galactic upheaval. Never having a home, never having real parents at all. War was no place to have a child, to bring one into the galaxy. Yet, she existed.

And now, so did her own baby.

She was quiet for a long time. Lexulle couldn't think straight, considered every option that she had. Then she left the space station with her crew in tow, vowing to stop thinking like a lovesick teenager, buckle down and prepare for what came next. This was just one of probably many examples of when she'd have to grow up and deal with what happened. Lexulle couldn't raise herself and a baby, even if she was twenty two. This was her own fault, and now she had to deal with the consequences.

Though it was difficult, she kept a handle on what she could, still honing her lightsaber technique as her baby grew underneath her fingertips. Lexulle can't remember exactly when Ashara had recommended her to stop until her pregnancy was over, or when Andronikos had much more forcefully said so. Giving up her proficiency in lightsabers was definitely an inconvenience she hadn't expected to face, but later she figured they were only helping in the ways they knew how to.

Suddenly, it all died down. No more odd sightings of the Emperor running wild like a child in a sweet shop anywhere. The occasional Empire-Republic skirmish on neutral planets that she was denied participation in. Not a single sound of oddity, no quiet whispers of new powers rising anywhere. The galaxy went quiet for the rest of her pregnancy. It was too quiet, too domestic for her to be comfortable. It made her skittish, knowing that no one was doing anything. Nothing that would get her heart racing, nothing she had to stay up poring over. Any basic missions that were undertook by her crew, she oversaw from the Defiance's pilot chair.

As relaxed as she was supposed to be, as figuratively excited as she was supposed to be, it was the most stressful time of her life.

She stayed on the Defiance for as long as she could before it simply wasn't safe for her to be flying all over the galaxy anymore, considering how close she was to being due. It had become her home, and she simply wasn't ready to leave by the time she did have to. She understood the concern her crew had, but she'd been sidelined enough. Not seeing her ship for the next few weeks was absolute torture. The Defiance had all her memories, not the apartment Zash had bought for her during her apprenticeship.

Everyone came with her, at the very least. There was no argument to the request. She wouldn't be alone on the planet, she'd have her family around her. The apartment was smaller than she'd remember, now full of life instead of desolate with dark side energy emitting from it alone. There was a lot of rearranging, getting used new things and new places. Ashara and Xalek had been to Dromound Kaas, but now here permanently (or at least as permanently as they were), they'd taken a bit to adjust. The force wasn't suffocating to either apprentice as she'd assume it would be, and Ashara found the Sanctum rather interesting. The two took up looking over what she was missing while she was away, which served as a distraction for Lexulle. Watching as they grew in power, in intelligence, made her proud. She had yet to screw them up, at the very least.

Writing letters brought some calm to the progressing situation. They weren't all pleasant, sometimes she asked the inbox why he couldn't be here with her on particularly bad days, why he had to go up and be so damn alluring all the time. Other times, they were good, happy updates about her progression, about what color the crew helped her paint the nursery. Sometimes they were about nothing, about normal, everyday things that went on around the home. They made her feel better at least, looking at her own writing and his name in the empty subject box. Some days it made her feel worse, made her feel more alone in the galaxy. Still, they were a good distraction from her own anxiety, and Ziost.

Ziost would hang over her head for years, and she could still remember hearing the screams of people trapped as she ran by. The alarms that blared, the deathly empty eyes of the possessed as she was forced to strike them down. Being force choked by a Sixth Line Jedi until Andronikos was able to distract them enough so she could be let go.

Lexulle could remember the day Malcom Ngani Kallig was born like it was yesterday. She'd like to say she was able to stay calm the entire time, it was a bit of a lie. (that was saying a lot, she'd nearly died a few times from worse injuries) But, it was also the best day of her life. Andronikos had been by her side the entire time, swearing up and down he was just fine until he relented and let Ashara heal his hand after they'd heard the first cries of her son. She'd been too distracted to notice his predicament when the nurse had put him on her chest for the first time, a red, screaming baby boy, but relatively healthy all the same. She'd hesitated to touch him at first, he'd seemed so delicate, like if she did touch him, he'd shatter to pieces before her eyes. Her hair was slick with sweat against her forehead, and everything was a little too loud for her tastes. She was much too hot, and her vision was swimming in the bright lights of the medbay, pain ebbing at the edges of her consciousness.

But she couldn't notice. For a time, it was just her and her son. The entire world could've lit ablaze, and it still wouldn't have been as important as her child.

He had Theron's eyes, she noted when she saw them for the first time. Speckled hazel with bits of her own gold eyes if you looked right in the light, and his skin tone closer to his father's than her's. What little hair he did have alluded to him having a mix of her coiled hair and Theron's. She was mesmerized as he began to calm down, the nurse taking him for just a moment to clean him up and run whatever tests she needed to. Having him in her arms, after all the trouble he'd caused her, made her heart ache in a way it shouldn't have. She loved him, the first person she could say that to was her own son. And it was well deserved, how he looked up at her, never really a focus in his eyes. Maybe he still knew he was looking at her, knew who she was.

There wasn't a single dry eye in the room that day.

Malcom wasn't force sensitive. That much was clear within days of his birth. Sure, there was always the idea that he'd develop it later in life, but she stopped hoping after his first birthday. It was a question that had been on her mind for a while, but with how busy things had gotten, it hadn't mattered. A part of her wishes that he was, wishes that she could make him feel the way she did, to calm him when a bottle wouldn't. Bring them closer together even. It sounded selfish, but she thought she could share this with him. A disappointment, but not one that she ever dwelled on or blamed him for. She was grateful that he was even alive to share her apartment bedroom with her. Things could've been much worse, but they weren't.

He was here.

And Theron wasn't.

As much as she tried to stop caring, and she did for the longest time, every time she looked into her son's eyes, his face, all she saw was the SIS agent. All she could see was his father, and how she'd failed to say the things she'd wanted to. How much she genuinely appreciated his company, how she wanted to thank him for at least being civil with the Imperials. How she'd desperately wanted him by her side this entire time.

No one called her Lexi but Andronikos up until that first night they spent together in the sticky heat of Rishi that they'd created together. Somehow, the nickname was more endearing than it was annoying these days.

She hearing missed it from him. Did he know just how much she adored the way he said it? Did he know the hole he'd left in her life?

Lexulle didn't have any love for Theron. Nothing that was real at least. Basing how her heart felt after only a few weeks of being around him, worse only a few weeks of making passionate love away from prying eyes, it meant nothing. She knew less about him than she'd thought. She knew how old he was, she could pick him out for a crowd, she knew he was a talented slicer. She could recount their better nights together, and how it had made her feel. After a botched excursion out to the jungles that she's sure was supposed to be romantic, she'd learned to fix his cybernetics with his gentle voice guiding her through the procedure. But after that, she drew at a lot of blanks at the more important things. Did he even know his father very well? What was he like, outside of work and his less committed relationships? What made him want to join the SIS, make him want to do what he did? Yes she'd seen him upset, worse she'd seen his eyes when he felt betrayed. She'd seen him smile, seen him laugh, seen him with his eyes so lidded she wasn't sure he could see.

She didn't even know his birthday.

Did he share his birthday with Lexulle or Malcom now?

Did he miss her?

A question she figured would never be answered.

They'd come upon his name not by sheer luck. No, Lexulle wasn't that stupid. Originally she'd wanted to distance him as much as she could from Theron, settling on the name Rohtyr for a while. It was her grandfather's given name, given by a slaver yes but it still held a place in her heart as important. Still, it sat with her, it felt wrong to not at least give him something related to him. She came upon the name late one night, rubbing circles into her bump and watching as the rain fell outside her window. It was during that same talk that she'd zoned out that he'd admitted to knowing who his father was, and then and there she found his name. Naming him Theron outright would've been too much for her to handle emotionally, and attempting to legally call him Shan would probably get the council gossips talking again, and a lot of questions asked.

When she did return to the Council, the newest addition to the Kallig line was assumed to be the son of a deceased Sith Lord. It was believed, in fact, it even managed to earn her quite a bit of sympathy from people. Some were suspicious, but it was easy enough to brush them off. Lexulle ignored those, but began to make a habit of staying away from cantinas after the birth of her son.

Things went back to business as usual, or at least as business as usual as a crew of an ex-Jedi, a Kaleesh Sith, an Imperial Reclamation Officer, a Dashade, his master, a pirate and a baby could. Lexulle only left Dromound Kaas a few times within the first few months, but still brought Malcom with her, where she could keep him safe. For three years, she took the new responsibilities in stride, or at least attempted to. The apartment became a home, as she watched Malcom grow and learn of his new surroundings. He was nearly a carbon copy of Theron, though adopted a curious outlook on life. A slippery child, there were plenty of times that various objects went missing and were found in the small hands of Malcom Kallig over the course of those years. The most precious moments, she found, were when he was still learning his pronounciations. He'd given up weeks beforehand at trying Andronikos' name (Ashara was referred to as simply Shara, even better was his infatuation with calling Khem 'Khemmie' for a period of time), before asking for something as Nik. The way the pirate melted figuratively, she saw as endearing and rather adorable.

He would deny that any day of the week, claiming he didn't know what she was talking about. Whether he was beginning to care for the boy was seen in time though, so she let it slide. There was a time when he'd have the boy with him while he was playing sabaac with Talos or Ashara, or strapped to his back while he was tinkering with the Defiance.

The first time she'd been called 'mum' was the day she cried for one of the first times in her life. Lexulle was not an emotional person, so as the tears built up in her eyes, was an entirely new feeling that she adored. He had still been figuring out the word himself (he was babbling a lot of time, carrying on nonsense conversations with anyone he could get to listen), though upon seeing her smile and urging for him to say it again elicited only happy giggles. She'd felt warm, a way that she'd never felt before.

Sometimes she found herself wondering how things would've been if she still had Theron by her side, experiencing all these things with him. How he would react even knowing he had a son to begin with? Where would she be? Coruscant? Somewhere else he lived? How often would he even be around, working odd jobs for the SIS, as things surely went. Where would her crew go, if she weren't flying the Defiance any longer? There were rules and regulations in place, especially since it was under her name and officers were hard to convince on these things. Would she be leaving a family for one she was sure many would disapprove of.

She was Sith. He was an SIS agent. Lexulle brushes the thought from her mind, it was too fantastical to deal with, letting her thoughts run wild in the middle of the night as she dozed off. She wasn't about to abandon the Empire, and chances were Theron wouldn't leave the Republic even if he was being threatened at blaster point. Even on the best of days, everything became too loud when he got involved in her thoughts. There was always the chance he wouldn't want anything to do with Lexulle or Malcom, in that regard.

Malcom asked a lot of questions that she wasn't ready to answer.

Thankfully (and she felt bad just thinking about how she'd distracted him from such a question that she'd asked for years), he had shorter attention span than she'd thought from how fast he learned. The father question came up a lot, but distracting him wasn't extremely hard to do. Maybe Theron's genetics were shining through, for he did love his datapads. It was too early to find whether he would be a mechanic with the things he took apart or a slicer with his adamant need for all things tech, but whatever made him happy made things a little bit easier to deal with. At least Nik was always there for her, in a way she couldn't describe as love, but mutual care. She couldn't say either of them were good with kids, they weren't, they struggled a lot in the early days, but they learned together.

That made things..nicer. She finds herself wondering what life would be like if she did settle down with Andronikos, if Malcom was actually his. They got along much better than she'd ever think a pirate and a three year old with a penchant for dismantling things ever would. Maybe she would't have so many regrets if Malcom was theirs. Maybe she wouldn't feel so incomplete anymore, like something was always missing no matter what she did.

He never wanted to be referred to as his father. Didn't want to be acknowledged that way, and she didn't blame him for it. It worked, Malcom had never uttered the word before either. Maybe it was a matter of fear, maybe he felt he was taking something from him.

Lexulle kept from bringing it up with the pirate in fear that they'd have another relationship-crashing talk on the bridge of the Defiance. What his position was on the matter or his reasoning, Lexulle respected it. If Andronikos had no desire to be a father, well she'd take parenting him alone eventually. As much as her crew was around, she knew one day Ashara and Xalek would no longer be her apprentices and would find their own places in the galaxy. Talos would get off to somewhere else (probably Yavin, he'd nearly thrown a glee-filled fit there), and she'd let Khem go if that's what he desired. Not that he was disgruntled with her, in fact he'd been rather kind lately, but no Dashade who'd lived for as long as he did would be happy with the same person for the rest of his existence.

As much as she wanted to hang onto that hope, Andronikos would want to settle down somewhere. Most likely not with her, and she accepted that in stride. Yet it always crossed her mind that one day she would be alone. Malcom would grow up, he'd become his own person and eventually take the Defiance with him.

Then what would she have left in the galaxy, nothing left to live for, surely.

Still, as much as she wanted to appreciate this all, her son, travelling the galaxy with the people who mattered most to her...there was always something off about just how smooth things were running for that long. People were getting quiet up top though, including Marr, and he usually kept her up to date with things, considering she was considered a Dark Council Elite by now. She felt as if she were missing something crucial. Yet no one could put a finger on what it was, or no one would tell her. Contacting Lana a few times when she wasn't busy, she found that she wasn't the only one with the premonitional feelings of dread. Intelligence wasn't providing much more than brief reports of ships going missing in wild space, and even so that meant basically nothing.

Ships always went missing in Wild Space. That was nothing new. Nothing could be trusted in the outer regions of their galaxy, stars knew if life was even out that far yet. Really, she wasn't ready to ask that question just yet. It took a long while before she decided to get involved in the investigation, figuring just a small amount of risk was exactly what she needed to remedy all these odd feelings.

Now, she was feeling guilty for even entertaining the idea.

17 ATC. WILD SPACE. 13:00.

Lexulle never forgets a thing. Andronikos has commented on it time and time again. And it's true, her memory spans for years at a time. Sometimes it's useful, remembering what makes someone tick when she needed something from them.

Other times, it was so unhelpful.

Today included, and today was out to get her, no matter how she spun it. It had started out okay, not nearly as much trouble seeing Malcom off that she'd thought she'd have (the poor boy nearly lost his mind when he'd heard that Lexulle was leaving -- for only a few hours at that) and actually making it here within two or so days. The discussion was going well too, no one from opposite factions had shot each other either. It seemed like it, at least. Darth Marr reminded her why she did still have alliances on the Council, he was a good leader and better strategist than she could ever be. It was a tad disappointing, no one had seen Vitiate in the years since Ziost. Even worse, the Force just felt...strained so far out in Wild Space. Not gone, but it felt like their was a knot in the hose, with only droplets dripping out of the faucet, and she knew something big was going down.

Then the ship was attacked. First by a probe that they hadn't been able to identify, then an entire fleet of ships arrived on the scene that no one could place knowledge on. She'd never seen models like these before, and even worse their forces were struggling to push them back. It was much too strong, and running now, with a whole star destroyer, was impossible. They were essentially dead in space, and the droids enroaching upon the crew were stronger than she'd encountered before. To try and get back to the Defiance was becoming more and more of a hazard, and she was considering an escape pod, no matter how long it took to clear the airspace.

Marr's ship shuddered again, hit from multiple directions as she stumbles, trying to right herself. What was this absolute onslaught? They were in Wild Space, she'd expect this from somewhere in the Core Worlds, maybe Hutt Space if anything.

At least these droids were easy enough to cut down. They fell clean in half too, exploding moments after she finished them off. Not that these soldiers of Marr's were any help, really. Hopefully, Dol didn't think too little of her after all of this, rejecting to help his soldier through the airlock. He knew the consequences of war, and she wouldn't always pay for those consequences either.

"--ever get my hands on...there! We're in some trouble here, Sith--droids shot through the airlock, and the docking clamps won't let us loose." Andronikos' voice crackles over her com. Stars, not this. Not so early in her return to work. Things would never be easy, that isn't what she was asking for, but two seconds of normal battles, like the ones that she was part of while she was under Zash, any mode of formality to her past would've been nice. But yes, it seemed that this what they were doing today. Her heart pounds in her ears, and not just from her run down here either. Malcom must be terrified, this was the first space battle he'd ever been in, and if the shots were this deafening here, then she could only imagine what sensory shock her son was going through.

Dragging a hand down her face, she sighs in disbelief though her voice shakes, "Hold on, Nik. I'm on my way back."

He doesn't respond, the connection cut. Too much interference, and she bites back the urge to scream into the literal void. Still, she curses the blasted Emperor for his hand in this. Not that she knew if he was the one behind this, but she could take her chances with her assumptions. Gripping her saber as her rage overtakes her, she fights through the next wave of these droids. The more and more that Malcom took over her thoughts, the more and more her surroundings blurred. All that mattered now was getting back to her son and getting him and her crew out of here. Screw the rest of the mission, finding out where Vitiate had gone. Lexulle wasn't just Darth Occlus anymore, she was 'mum' and Lexi and she would kill the man in death if she couldn't get back to them.

That, was not an exaggeration made lightly.

The last droid she comes across, she crushes it with more force than truly necessary before stomping on it with a force-fueled kick. It seemed as if it was supposed to be a stronger version of those that had come before it, but as the force rolled off her in waves, nothing was standing in her way before being crushed to bits. When she lifts her head, her first thought is the fires. It's stifling now that focuses on it, and she tries to keep the worst of it out of her face with bursts of the Force as she dashes down the hall. Slamming a hand on the release button to the airlock, the Defiance shoots off into space just through the viewport. She sighs a shaky breath of relief as she leans against the terminal, they aren't stuck to this sinking ship anymore.

"Hah! We're loose! Just got to pick one of the million some-odd ships out here to shoot at first." Andronikos' voice returns, and her heart rate picks up again. Racing to the airlock, another fire rages. Frustrated, it goes out as she focuses on pulling it away from the rubble that's at least another six feet taller than her. Peering around it, she tries to yank at it with the Force, her muscles straining against it. It creaks, easier to move because of the heat that's surely melting it, yet it remains in place with all her effort going to waste. She lets it go as it rattles around, before stabilizing again. She tries again, and again and again until her muscles are burning as much as the air around her is. Panting hard, she patches back into the com system.

"Nik, I'm stuck here." She starts, staring up at the rubble that keeps her trapped, "If you see an opening, take it. Someone has to make it back to the Empire."

"And leave you here to rot? Are you kidding me?" Static invades her ears before the connection grows clear again.

"Andronikos, that's not a request!" Lexulle tries to hold back from yelling, but she does anyway. Something comes loose from above her, and she just barely makes it out of the way as it crashes, flames spreading before her as just manages to raise her forearms to protect her face from the brunt of the flames. Quivering, she brushes her damp hair back as he groans, probably just as frustrated with the situation as she is before she quiets his tone, "Get everyone out of here, I'll catch up!"

"Lex, what about the kid?" He asks, and her heart stops for a moment, her thoughts spiraling, "Poor thing is shaking in Ashara's lap right now."

The picture is all too clear in her head, the auburn curls that she'd sworn she'd get cut hiding his green eyes with his face buried in Ashara's chest, trembling at the sounds that are even too much for her. Her son needed her, and she wasn't there for him. Tearing up at the thought, she's quiet as she thinks about what to do, her concentration waning on the fires that she holds at bay around her. Her baby was still in more danger out there than he was at home, if they got shot down because she asked for them to stick around and wait for her...

She's not sure what she'd do. Kill someone, probably. Kill everyone and anything she saw in the wreckage.

"Andronikos?" Lexulle asks, an idea formulating in her head. If Dol and Ralo managed to get out of here, then surely she could as well. She didn't know the layout of the ship well enough to bank on the escape pods as a copout though, and she didn't have the time to go searching.

"Yeah, Lex?" He asks, a pause before he answers again.

"Give the com to Malcom, I want to talk to him." She asks, before moving further away from the airlock, further away from the fires. She can nearly hear him queuing up his next argument or whatever he wants to say to her before she interjects instead, "Don't hesitate, just...please. Let me talk to my son."

He must've given up arguing with her at that point, because she can hear the sound of movement and whispering beneath the space battle raging around them, "Malcom?"

"Mum?" His tiny voice asks, and the tears begin anew. He should have no reason to be afraid now, yet here they are. With him wondering when she'd be back, presumably, "Mummy where are you?"

"Malcom, darling, I need you to be brave for me." She wipes away what she can with the sleeve of her armor set, still one ear out listening for any approaching droids as she calms her voice for him. If she panics him, then what good is she really doing? She has to put her own brave face on, keep him doing the same. If she knows he's safe, then she can fight twice as hard with his safety being one of her lesser concerns, "Can you do that for your mummy?"

He sniffles again, "Yes."

"Mum is going to be gone for a while, but I need you to listen to everyone. I know mum said she'd be back in a few hours but I may be longer." Just saying the words are getting to her more than they should, and she hears the telltale sound of duracrete against durasteel. More of those blasted droids on their way, "Mum needs you to stay as brave as you can for Andronikos and the others, you can do that, can't you?"

"Yes mum." He responds, quieter this time. Maybe she's successfully calmed him down to the best of her meager abilities. Cloaking herself, droids run by in rapid succession with blasters in their hands. The ship gets hit again, and she stumbles, falling to the ground and nearly tumbling into the rubble. Righting herself, she stands again and peers out into the hall before heading out to where she'd last seen Marr -- or at least somewhere less on fire, "When will you be back?" He asks, desperation in his young voice.

"I...I don't know, darling." She whispers, careful that she may be being watched. The Defiance shudders audibly, and Malcom shrieks in a way that makes her want to forget about the rest of the attack and rush to his side. It puts a hole in her heart nearly, and she has to focus. Keep him calm, keep herself from losing it, "When I do though, we can go to the park you liked near home, yes? We could even get the ice cream that you love, and we can spend the whole day together."

"O-okay." Without the com being nearly as close as she's sure it is, she wouldn't be able to hear her son anymore, "Mum, come back home. I'm scared. It's so loud and-", he cries.

"I know darling, I know. I'm just as scared, but we always do these things together, right?" She doesn't wait for his response as the ship nearly rolls, and she smacks into a viewport hard, "Malcom, I love you." She chokes out, ears ringing as her head pounds.

"I love you too, Mum." Static crackles again before Lexulle finally breaks, she runs and runs and runs. Anywhere is better than here, and her stealth is falling away as tears run down her face in rivers.

"Lex! We need to get out of here!" Andronikos' voice yells back over the com, panic setting in, "Did you find a pickup yet?"

"Nik. Go. Get my son out of here." She says sternly. Now, she isn't going to let them stay for her, and she will not continue to take no for an answer, "That is not an request! Hurry!"

"I-Fine. We're going, but do us and favor and don't die out here, huh?" He asks, and a gear shift later he sighs, maybe reconsidering his earlier agreement already, "Lex, if I don't see you in forty-eight hours I swear I'm coming back out here for you."

"Andronikos, please." She quiets to a whisper, begging him as she watches what she assumes is the Defiance pass by outside, blaster shots only just narrowly missing them, "Take care of him for me, please."

"Don't you start talking like that-"

"Nik!" She shouts, "I said to go and get out of here!"

He's quiet. Then, she can hear someone else talking in the background and Malcom's shriek as something hits the ship. The Defiance, yes, is meant for galactic battles, but not ones like these. The shields can't be holding up much better than the flagship's are.

"Lexi, you'd better come home." He says, an offhanded beg nearly. And that is it, the thrusters sound in the background and it all goes to a deafening static once they presumably hit hyperspace. Relief washes over her, they've gotten safely away. Anxiety still holds her dear as she stops, trying to breathe. Now it's just her, and whatever the blazes is out here.

"The enemy has breached the engineering deck--they're after the primary generator. I'm on my way now--meet me there." Marr's voice crackles to life, and she acknowledges him somehow. She's thankful, glad that at least Marr was still alive and here with her. Maybe later she does wonder how the Empire would go on without him. Without two of the Dark Council's Elites, she could only imagine how things would crumble. There'd be vying for the seats, surely. It'd be a bloody next few years.

Things get fuzzy from there as she fights through each mob of droids, indiscriminate to how much power she puts behind each one as she comes to her realization. Lightning arcs from her hands, the force is one with her as she stalks her way down the halls of the flagship, lightsaber ignited and slashing a path through everything that even moves to stop her.

Lexulle Kallig knows she isn't isn't going home. She's made an empty promise to the people she loves.

She meets with Marr minutes later. It's a trying fight to the engineering deck, as she tries not to let the man see her cry. Lexulle isn't even entirely sure he has a family, whether he has people that care about him somewhere else in the galaxy.

Now her son is going without a mother, without his biological father. At least she could give him a stable home while she was still with them. Now without her, her small family is surely without the Defiance as soon as they enter Imperial space, without the apartment she provided them with. She's failed them, she's failed Malcom.

With that rage, she tears apart whatever stands in their way to the engineering deck. It seems even Marr is surprised that she's still going, with as many injuries as she's sustained. Thinking this was only a meeting, she'd only been wearing a set of light armor. Her forearms are bleeding profusely, bruises surely growing on her back from where she'd fallen earlier in the day. They make it through the larger droid that was protecting the generator, as she tears it apart with the Force. The creaking would be so undesirable as the durasteel tears underneath the strain, but she doesn't care. Whoever sent them is the reason she won't celebrate her son's fourth birthday with him. They won't mind if she reminds them why she fights.

"The power core is strained to the breaking point. We can recharge the shields, but they still won't last long." She says, after viewing the screens at the holocomputers that blink red in time with the alarms blaring over her. Nothing looks particularly good from where they are, not to mention how bad the ship is falling apart around them. It's a death trap, and if the droids don't kill them, then the ship will.

"The hyperdrive has been completely burnt out." Marr deadpans, adding to the figurative fire. Any hope she had left sinks out of her. She's truly stuck here now. There's no logical way out of here, and exhaustion is prickling at the back of her consciouness. She's fought to the best of her ability, and now for what?

For nothing.

Maybe as a twisted consolation prize, a holo comes to life before them. Captain Fora's bent over form greets them. Her hair is falling out of her delicate hairstyle, a blaster in her hands and peering out from behind whatever. Turning to them, she shouts, "Enemies on the bridge! I repeat, enemies on--"

Just as she appears, it's gone, accompanied by an explosion that even she can hear, all the way away from the bridge. The crew must be entirely gone by now, Fora included. She can only imagine the political backlash this would get, how the war would rage up again around them.

"There are rudimentary backup controls here, but the enemy ships have us surrounded. We have few options left." Marr snaps her out of her thoughts. Sweeping over what she has available at her disposal, she thinks. Time slows, and she's tired. Tired and frustrated and upset and terrified. She already knows she isn't going home, so logically her first thought is to ram the oncoming ships with the flagship. It's what Marr would want her to do, and it's what her first thought is. Yet hope flickers at the back of her consciousness. Abandoning the ship entirely would get them at least out. To where, she doesn't know, but anywhere is better than this flying fireball at this very moment.

"Then we let people have a fighting chance." Lexulle responds, pressing the com button the databank. Announcing herself to whoever's left on the ship, she takes a breath before answering, "Attention! Shields are failing, and the enemy has us surrounded. Evacuate now, while you still can."

Though there's no audible response, she hopes someone heard her. If there's anyone left, that is.

Marr says nothing.

Lexulle doesn't have to wait long. Just as she lifts her head from the holocomputer, she can hear a deafening explosion from further down the ship. The guns from the opposing ships must have finally burned down the shields just as she had given the warning. Turning towards Marr, she nods in acknowledgement, as he does the same. This is the end of the road, the end of the line.

Everything goes dark.

17 ATC. ZAKUUL. 17:00.

Lexulle wonders if this is what death really feels like. Instead of being all white and fluffy like described in children's story books (she would know, she's been through the Empire's extended list of children's books), it's just darkness, no sound, just her and the universe. Alone with her thoughts, alone in her suffering.

She's reassured that she's very much not dead as she cracks an eye open, biting her bottom lip to keep from screaming. Her entire body hurts, just trying to shift anything shoots pain up every single one of her joints. The lights are low above her, but somehow much too bright as she tries to take in her surroundings. Not Marr's flagship, as she realize she's lying down on a cot of some sort. Maybe she is dead, and she's dreaming.

Forgetting that thought for just a moment, getting out of here is her first thought. Moving her arms is an entirely different story. She has cuffs on them that look rather heavy, but allow her some range of motion. Attempting to remove them with her own lightning proves unfruitful as sparks come from her fingers but don't come to her as easily as they should. All she manages to do is add to the barely visible lightning scars on her fingers, the ends of her hair fluffing up at the touch of electricity running through her system. So then the Force has been dampened within her with these cuffs.

Not dead. Definitely not dead.

Still in more pain than any Dark Council member should be allowed.

Blazes, if she's in Republic custody she's going to have quite a few words with whoever's in charge -- Saresh if she remembers correctly. If the Treaty of Coruscant hadn't been in pieces before, it is now.

That question is answered rather quickly as two figures step out of the shadows, and she pushes herself up into a sitting position. Her eyes dart around, it's much too dark for her to feel around for her lightsaber. For some reason she doubts that it's even in here, as she throws out a feel for it's specific presence. No matter, if they're here to threaten her, she still has her training on her side. No Sith would ever be held down, not by the Republic and not by anyone else.

"You've awakened. I trust you can walk," A deep, gravelly voice states. It's not a question, and surely one he intends for her to answer. Her legs still feel like jelly underneath her, pins and needles eating away at her consciousness as she tries to focus. He clearly isn't Republic, but not Sith either. A single eye that she can see has a crimson tint to it. Corrupted, in one way or another. The other and his lower jaw is covered by a black mask with yellow replacing the other. Scarring is evident, reminiscent of ones that she has seen on Sith. Lexulle holds back a dry chuckle. Whether she's supposed to be scared, is another question entirely.

He's force sensitive though. She can feel his presence as she reaches out, and it is absolutely stifling as she recoils. Powerful in the force, yet his alignment remains unclear.

"Unlock these shackles and I'll show you exactly what I'm capable of." She says, her voice dry. As not to seem weak, she tries not cough though the words sting her throat. Lexulle is guessing he isn't as scared of her as he should be, and she can think of quite a few things she could do to remedy that rather quickly.

"You are in the heart of our Empire, now. I assure you, escape is impossible, even if you could make it past me." The way he stresses our, she wonders where in the blazes she's gotten off to. Another group of cultists, maybe? With everything Revan managed, she could only imagine how many more people wished to follow his example. His gaze leaves her after this thought, "Come along."

She considers refusing, until another figure steps out of the shadows and prods her with a rifle. She tries not to make her struggling evident, trying to stay steady on her feet as pain shoots up her leg like electricity. Stifling a stumble, she follows after both of them. The architecture is nothing like either faction's, dim and with white light. Lexulle has some reason to believe the man may be telling the truth and she really isn't among any friends or past allies. A shiver runs through her body, it's freezing here.

Marr steps out with another of the odd figures, also held in restraints. Some relief is given, knowing that she has an ally here anyways. He's just as tall as the man, if not taller as he steps in front of him. Where others would've quivered in fear, the man simply remains in place, as if this were a daily occurence, "What 'empire' have we entered?" he asks.

"The Eternal Empire. Zakuul." The man responds. Zakuul, then. An Eternal Empire? Remnants of people who believed in the Emperor, if she can make any guesses. But this, this seems much too far advanced to only be three years old. This isn't the work of any startup. He turns away without another word, wordlessly beckoning them to follow him further into the depths. Looking to Marr, before back at him, he stops in his tracks, "You didn't even know whose territory you were invading?"

As if he's surprised. No one in the Core knew anything about Zakuul, about any Eternal Empire. If Intelligence did, that was below her pay grade. Where was he from, really? Yavin maybe? There were always rumors of the oddest Force beings inhabiting the planet, she wouldn't put it past anyone not to notice their existence, "We didn't 'invade' anything. We were looking for someone." There's still a bite in her tone, to remind him of just who he's dealing with. Not any petty pirate, a Sith Lord who very much would like to return to her home. He's disrupted her entire life just by this one act.

She has every right to be pissed.

"In an armed warship?" He asks quizzically. Well, she could see what he meant, but they attacked first. With an entire armada no less. He was very much inaccurate here.

Something clicks in her mind, memories spilling back from surely only hours earlier. This man was the reason she was ripped away from her crew, her son. He was the one who was responsible for this bloody mess. And all he could do were give them orders and ask questions with obvious answers.

Oh if she got her hands on him, he would be begging for mercy, screw his stupid facade of being all powerful and whatnot. He'd surely never seen a mother's rage enacted on someone who deserved it. His scars would extend much further than just what was under his mask when she was done with him.

"We weren't looking for a friend." She deadpans, glancing to Marr. He's as irritated as she is, she can feel it prickling at the edges of his presence, but is better at hiding it. Masks were never her style, and probably never would be, but she can only imagine the grimace on his face.

"What do you hope to achieve by taking us prisoner?" He questions. As angry as she is, Lexulle is curious. How is she alive right now? Had someone come to retrieve her after the ship exploded? Is she dreaming right now, maybe of an omen. She wishes she were still on the Defiance, sleeping with her son next to her.

This can not be real.

"I have questions. You will provide the answers." The man responds sternly, the light reflecting ominously over his mask. She can't figure what answers he would ever need, what answers he could ever want.

"We will tell you nothing." Marr's voice airs that of finality. There is no question to be asked, that is the voice that says you are done.

Yet again, the man doesn't flinch where others would turn and run. He simply raises an eyebrow at the statement, as if he were expecting it, "You won't have to speak to give me the answers I need." With that, he turns on his heel and continues onward. Without pause, the armored soldiers behind them prod them to follow after him. Unwilling, yes. But she'd play along for now, if not to keep her life.

They enter of ship of some sort. A transport, she believes. It's a short ride though, as they're under the watch of these two soldiers and the man himself. A feminine voice comes over the com as the ship shudder, attaching itself to another structure, "Prince Arcann. Final docking sequence."

Arcann.

Among all the other things wrong with this, he had the audacity to make himself royalty.

"We recovered the records from your ship's computers. Or what was left of them. Fascinating reading." Arcann states as they walk down a hall. The view out the viewport is unsettling, she's never seen the planet below them before. Silent, gold armored force users stand guard with blue lightsabers in their hands. She isn't entirely following this entire charade yet either -- how did he recover the records? Much less them from a burning fireball that they shot down. Agents crosses her mind, but she's sure she would've noticed anyone odd among the corpses that littered the ship's floor as she ran by, "You Sith are apparently quite formidable. You most of all. To alter the course of galactic events as you have...quite impressive."

He's complimenting her then. Or at least, in a different tone and different circumstance, she would've taken it as one. With all the uncertainties, she takes it as a mild threat, "I sense your connection to the Force. You have great strength...but do you know how to use it?" She questions. For now, being docile seems like it is the key to her survival. Keep him busy, long enough for her to take in her surroundings properly and report back to Intelligence.

If she got back.

"You are not here to educate." He states. He's not amused, nor willing to answer her question. She's pressed a few buttons then. Good, she'll see what makes him snap while she's at it.

The white eyes of another man who storms up to their small party reminds her of those she encountered on Ziost. Though, he's clearly under his own will. Dressed much like Arcann himself, though in a robe that is accented with black and gold, "Prince Arcann." He bows in respect, and she raises an eyebrow. He had everyone under his metaphorical thumb then.

"Heskal. Still waiting for the catastrophe that you and your Scions foretold?" This must be a very old argument, because Arcann sounds oddly frustrated by the man's interruption. Possibly something he'd been bothered about for ages. Who knew.

"You may close your ears to the whispers of fate, my prince, but they can not be silenced." Another cultist then. No one simply spoke that normally about fate and destiny and didn't believe in a higher power that controlled what they did. Had they stumbled upon this Empire that worshipped someone like their Emperor? It wouldn't be impossible, she supposes.

"I wonder if silencing you might suffice. Take your superstitions elsewhere, Heskal. You are not needed here." Arcann deadpans. Good, Lexulle isn't interested in hearing much of the mess that goes on here on the daily anyways. She'd had her fill of that mess on Yavin, and it was far from entertaining. She remains quiet for now, more interested in how he would react should she stay entirely quiet. The questions are still burning the tip of her tongue, her curiousity will surely get the better of her at some point or another.

"Is this why you brought us here? To hear you bicker with soothsayers?" Marr questions, airing her own concern.

"Come along." Is all he says, skirting the question entirely and ignoring the rest of whatever Heskal intended to tell him. How did anyone ever follow him as a leader, as frustrating as he was within the few minutes Lexulle had known him?

"You're taking us to your master." Marr deadpans. Master? What made him think that? The Prince title makes sense once she thinks about it. Of course, the person in charge wouldn't come looking for them. Arcann's master wanted them for something, thought it was unclear now, Lexulle didn't want any part of it. Unless he could send her home, she'd sooner kill the man than listen to anything he had to say to her.

"I'm taking you to my father, Valkorion. The Immortal Emperor of Zakuul." Arcann responds, turning away from Heskal to the pair of Sith. So she was right. He wasn't the head of these operations, most likely not by a long shot. Maybe he could skirt the blame for now, but this Valkorion would be the one to have hell to pay for what had happened to her.

"An Emperor. Just what we were looking for." Marr responds, a glance to her as she flickers her gaze to the armored male. Still, yet to be any form of argumentative. Lexulle is getting antsy, by now any battle would've broken out and here they were, reasoning with a man who would be rather happy to just see them dead. Or had another, unseen purpose for them that she decidedly did not want to stick around for. Yet, if Marr was this quiet on the issue, then she figured she had a good reason to remain that way.

"You will not find what you wanted here." Arcann answers. It seems he isn't looking for a fight either, even if he has no idea what he's talking about. Fine then, she'll stay her tongue. He turns away from them, and continues moving down the hall towards a larger door. Outside, is unfamiliar. She hasn't ever seen a planet like this, with skyscrapers outside of the atmosphere. Or at least, she assumes they're skyscrapers. The architecture just around them has an air of regality to it, the force sensitives next to them wear armor she's never seen before, lightsaber models that seem normal to them but a completely new idea to her.

Zakuul, then.

The door opens once they reach it, and it takes all her willpower not to gawk at her new surroundings. It's wide open, a dome over them that's accented with gold. Underneath her feet, darker, but also gold. It's odd, to say the least, that this was hiding out in Wild Space. Why no one had been able to find it before is anyone's guess -- surely not her's. More of the force sensitives line the path way, lightsabers still lit with an ominous blue all the way up to a throne.

A throne.

If only she knew how many times she'd see this one in her future, oh she would've averted her eyes instead of staring in hidden awe. One man sat upon it, aged, tired. Donning the same white-styled tunic that Arcann had, his son if looks were anything to go upon, he was in a position of thinking as the two were herded in by the two soldiers behind then. Once they grow close enough, Arcann lowers himself to a knee and the man leans back on his throne. She sets her face in a dead glare, whatever proposition he has for them, she does't want to hear it.

Malcom's young face flashes through her mind again. His quiet shrieks as the Defiance hit hyperspace and she couldn't hear anything from her ship anymore. She hopes Nik isn't out here, about to do something stupid to bring her back. It would've been in character, but if he died trying to save her, blast it she'd never forgive the damn pirate for being so stupidly heroic at the best of times.

"His Glorious Majesty, Immortal Master and Protector of Zakuul: Emperor Valkorion." Arcann's voice bellows in introduction, as she rivets her gaze upwards. A man with that many titles, she didn't even want to begin to understand how he'd gone about getting everyone under him to regard him in such a way.

"Welcome." He says, his tone much too soft to be any sort of welcome. A tingling fills her, trying to get a read on him as she reaches out in the Force. It only takes a moment, but the presence is all the same. The man who sits before them is no one other than the Emperor. It's odd, a different look, yes, but why go through the trouble of possessing someone out in Wild Space -- Zakuul if you would? But, Valkorion doesn't look possessed, his deep red eyes are his own, his actions his own. Even his voice is different than that of Vitiate's.

"A new name, a new face...these are not enough to hide from us." Marr makes the connection before she does, stating their findings before she can even get a single word out.

"The Sith Emperor...your presence is unmistakable." She keeps her tone dark, stern, though chooses her words carefully. At such a point with her Force powers dampened, it would be unwise to begin a fight with the Emperor himself.

Even if she did want to stab him through and shock him for what he'd done -- not just to her but to the entire Imperial populace. To Ziost.

"Oh, I think a mistake has been made...but by whom?" He asks, though surely he already knows the answer. If one more person gave her another open-ended question again, that would bring up her body count a couple more people. The soldiers around her, she's sure she could take in a heartbeat.

"Do these people have any idea who you really are? The kinds of things you're capable of?" Lexulle asks. Her frustration only grows, as many times as she's cursed the Emperor in the past for the things he's done, here he was, in front of her and so tantilizingly out of reach for her to do anything, "Do they know what you've done to the galaxy in your path to domination?"

"Do you?" Valkorion quizzes her, a laugh underneath his words. He's taunting her then, he knows what she's asking. Though she's curious, these people who are so oddly quiet, they've just accepted the things that have happened outside their little bubble of Zakuul?

Or do they simply not know of what their Emperor is truly capable of, what sins he's committed against the entirely galaxy? Ignorance was bliss, yes, but only when your ruler wasn't a dictator with a penchant for death.

"Your constant silence across our history...this was your distraction?" Marr asks, disbelief in his voice. She considers it for a moment, Valkorion -- Vitiate may have been here on this Zakuul. It made sense, considering he'd been little more than what most dubbed an absentee landlord. If he'd been overseeing things here...

"This was my focus," He admits, "Everything else...the means to an end."

He seems almost in thought, his voice softer than it had been. Arcann moves out of their view, maybe to allow Valkorion to acknowledge them properly. No wonder their Empire was slowly falling apart from the inside out. He hadn't been anywhere near the Core in years because he was instead cultivating their Eternal Empire.

Then why Ziost? Why move so far back into the galaxy, if only to destroy a planet that held little to no value, military or otherwise?

"You claim to have come all this way to find me. Here I am. What do you want?" He asks, very matter-of-fact as he stands from his throne. She considers, there are plenty of things she wants to blame him for, but it isn't time to play games. She throws out the bait, and wonders if he'll take it.

"To destroy you, once and for all." She responds, changing her stance as he begins his descent down the stairs, "You've done nothing but destroy everything you touch. Why bother even creating our Empire if you intended to watch it fall from your throne, Vitiate?" She wants him gone from her life, all the Emperor -- Vitiate has done is cause trouble. To get rid of him entirely, finish him off for good...that's a good wish to have, isn't it?

He chuckles darkly, brushing off her question, "You say you know me -- if that is true, then you know the depths of my power. Whatever you hoped to achieve here, you know -- deep inside -- that you cannot succeed." He responds. He's trying to break her down, break her spirit by denying her.

Well, he has another thing coming. Any slave has an unbreakable will. And a mother's will when her child is threatened on top of that, he may as well be hoping to destroy the entire Citadel bare handed.

That, that was impossible.

"But you do not have to stand against me. Instead...you can kneel." He states. Not a request, but instead one with a fire behind it. He snaps off Marr's cuffs with a wave of his hands, as they fall to the ground with a heavy metallic sound against the floor.

There's no pause for thought before Marr acts, "I will never again kneel to you."

Arcann turns to wordlessly ask his father a question, surely whether he was allowed to attack Marr. She steadies herself, ready to fight if she has to, cuffs or otherwise. Valkorion waves a hand to stop him, and she pauses. This was an odd development, "You would rather die than acknowledge my superiority?"

"It is you who fears death, 'Valkorion'. I do not. I will not kneel." He turns, using the Force to push a soldier backwards over the edge. The lightsaber drops from his hands, and he summons it to his own. The other gold plated soldiers rush him, shields raised before Marr throws his newly acquired weapon directly back at them, knocking the small party backwards. Another soldier goes flying off the side as static builds in Lexulle's hands again. Stronger this time as she pulls at the Force, the dark side to give her strength. Still, not big enough to do anything significant.

It ends.

Valkorion shoots a massive arc of lightning back at Marr, and Lexulle's eyes widen in fear. She bites back a yell as he flies backwards, electricity surely racing throws his veins at a dangerous speed. Electricity is still coming off him in waves as she raises her head from his corpse to the woman who's entered the room, dressed in black and gold as her allies are.

Marr doesn't even twitch.

He's dead. Darth Marr is really dead right before her eyes, killed by the man -- the entity that he swore to destroy.

Her glare returns, before the woman speaks up, "Clear the room! Everyone out!"

The soldiers follow her orders dilligently, quickly leaving in rapid succession. She instead turns back to Valkorion, stepping closer. She's not a threat, not in her cuffs and held back without the Force. But if he believes that he's brought her down a peg by killing someone she trusted, that she'll roll over and take the punches, he's got another thing coming.

"Why send your new followers away? Something you don't want them to hear?" She asks him sarcastically, though fully intending to receive an actual answer. What was it that the couldn't hear that he so desperately needed her to?

"They are not like us." She shudders, she was not an 'us' to Valkorion of all people, but continues to listen either way, "In all my centuries, you alone have merited my full attention. You leave your mark upon the galaxy wherever you act, just as I do.

"Look around you. Zakuul is poised to become the greatest civilization in the history of the galaxy. I have forged this empire to surmount all of my previous works. To span eternity." He's a little hopeful on that on, especially if he intends for Zakuul to take over the rest of the galaxy. Him destroying Marr's flagship, didn't bode well for her belief in him, "The Eternal Throne commands a fleet more vast than any ever built. It has the power to reshape the galaxy into any image that I choose. That we choose."

Beyond her immediate distaste at the idea of working with him (which is nauseating, really), out of the corner of her eye, she can see Arcann's expression change for only a moment. Dissent within the ranks, especially seeing her as an outsider to their little perfect kingdom, "I will share all of this with you...if only you will kneel."

"'Share'? You don't share anything...you enslave. You devour. I will never be a part of that." Her eyes narrow as she grimaces. Static jumps at her fingers as her rage rises within her, "You destroy the things your Empire holds dear, and then expect us to still respect you. I am not one of your pawns, Vitiate, and I never will be."

"So be it." He responds, not an ounce of disappointment in his voice. He moves, holding up a hand to his son. He strides forward, and Lexulle tries to calm her beating heart. So this is how it ended, to an insolent child with a lightsaber. Fitting, really. The title had been applied to her plenty of times before. She tries not to show him she's scared, fixing her posture and still pulling at the force to override the cuffs, lightning playing with the tips of her braids. This was how she fell, and no one would know. She was alone, Marr's corpse just behind her.

The Empire would surely fall if this was who was after it.

Malcom would surely never see his teenage years if this was the case. Lexulle isn't arrogant enough to think that the Empire would simply bounce back from this. She wasn't stupid enough to think that the fallout wouldn't affect everyone she knew and cares about.

Arcann lights his saber, the kyber crystal gold.

He takes his stance in front of her. She quivers, he doesn't acknowledge it. She steels her eyes on him, entirely prepared to be stabbed through, choked, pushed off the edge with the Force. If death wanted her, then so be it.

His vision darts from her to his father, before back to her, "You came here to defeat him -- this is your chance!"

Instead of attacking her, he slices away her cuffs. They fall away, leaving some scratches, yet he turns on his father instead. A tad bit still in awe, she stealths herself anyways. She'd wait for an opening, for her lightsaber is still nowhere to be found. Yet the Force has returned, and her head feels clearer, her senses sharper. Her electricity dances at her fingertips with practiced ease, and she circles the father-son pair with a wide berth.

"First your brother, now your father?" Valkorion asks, though still remaining calm and throwing out defenses with practiced ease. Arcann is strong, she can see that, but he's so angry he's simply throwing his lightsaber around with little concern for whether he's actually doing any damage.

"Does my ambition truly surprise you?" Arcann questions, his voice grizzly. Another few hits, all deflected as they move closer to the base of the stairs.

"You do not have ambition. Only jealousy." Valkorion rebutts. Another old argument then. He seems bored with his son's antics, as if he's dimly aware that there's an assassination attempt before him.

Arcann is strong-willed, she'll grant him that. He doesn't seem to care, maybe thinking he can simply tire him out, maybe that if he continues attacking he can just get him while he's distracted.

Maybe he'd never fought a galactic superpower before, but that wasn't typically how these things went.

Another arc of lightning shot from Valkorion's fingertips, this time towards his own son. Arcann flies backwards, skidding to the ground without even a sound of pain coming from him. He's motionless, still sparking from the attack, "I know you're there. I suggest you come out, unless you wish to find yourself with the same fate my son did."

She pulls for Arcann's now discarded lightsaber with the Force, once in her hands she manages to spin so that she's right behind him and shoves the plasma blade through his chest, "You should've killed me when you had the chance." She says darkly, hearing his expression of surprise in the breath of air he manages within that moment.

Yanking it right back out of him, he remains standing though with a hand over the saber hole. Satisfyingly, nearly.

"So be it." He responds, maybe accepting his fate. Yet, he begins to glow with a purple aura, spiraling around him. Lexulle isn't immediately sure what to do, air whipping around her as it pulls into him. Backing up further towards where they'd just come from, she can hear a low chuckle over the wind.

It's silent. She thinks she may have beat him, finally.

Instead, an explosion knocks her prone. Her ears ringing, her mouth tasting of blood as she hears something crack. Her heart is pounding, and her whole body is throbbing with pain. Through cotton-filled ears, she can hear someone coming and Arcann speaking, "The Outlander has assassinated our Emperor. Take her away."

Someone yanks her up, and she doesn't even have the power to scream before she blacks out from the pain. Her eyelids flutter for just a moment, lights invading her senses before she loses consciousness.

Now it wasn't just Theron who would never see her again.

The rest of the galaxy wouldn't either.

Her last, conscious thought for five years is the safety of her son. All she can do is pray that he survives the onslaught that is surely headed for the rest of the galaxy.

She loves him, so, so much.

#swtor #star wars the old republic #star wars #theron shan #female sith inquisitor #lexulle kallig #malcom ngani kallig #malcom ngani shan #andronikos revel #female sith inquisitor/theron shan #female sith inquisitor/andronikos revel #swtor oc #oc #original character #swtor fanfiction #fanfic: shan

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knightedrogue · 6 years ago

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Prompts! 5 Little things that Leia always does for Han that make Han mushy inside but of course he would rather die than tell her that.

This is a good exercise because I think most of us like to imagine a Han Solo who is the ideal husband, who cooks and is amazing with his children and is the kind of man Leia Organa deserves. I know I fall into that category. So thinking about Han’s needs and how Leia meets them is good for me. I had a lot of fun writing these, so thank you, anon!

1. Leia Organa has on more than one occasion stood up for her husband in front of the galactic press. When they first start appearing together after Endor, the press is a non-entity. The big deal there is the Alliance hierarchy: how they view the relationship, how they pressure her to focus on her work and not her dalliance.

But a few years after settling on Coruscant finds both Han and Leia thrust into the spotlight. A free press is a novelty for their generation and they represent the new blood of a new government. And people also want meaning in the wreckage of war. A young couple’s drama sells holos and if there isn’t actual drama, they’re damn well going to create some.It gets so bad that Leia starts to worry that it will impact their relationship. After all, how many times can one man be accosted coming out of a spaceport? How many times can they accuse him of cheating on her with the holofilm actress of the week? Han is a private person by nature; it was difficult for him to open his boundaries for this life with her in the first place. How long could she expect him to sit still and accept the abuse without fighting back?

Leia decides to do a sit-down interview in their home. She invites a holo reporter of decent repute to a tour of their apartment. Han is instructed to stay away, if she even tells him what she’s doing at all, and he is not consulted about the interview.

And Leia does what Leia does best. She finds that line of self-assuredness and passion and walks it carefully, leading the holo reporter through a sitting room full of holos. She shows them the kitchen, the dining room, the ins and outs of Han and Leia’s physical space. There are tiny details thrown in—this is a bowl stolen from the Alderaanian Winter Palace that Han tracked down and gave me before we lived together; I love this holo of us vacationing on Corellia—and she is magnetic and soft and confident.The immediate reaction is positive. The novelty of Han and Leia’s love story never quite wears off, but the naysayers are silenced for the moment. Leia shows the galaxy stability and support: the last Princess of Alderaan in a healthy, committed domestic partnership and Han is flummoxed by her care. It means everything to him and while he might make a crack about hiring extra security to keep Leia herself in line, he holds her commitment to easing his discomfort tightly to his chest.

2.) That one time she tried to bake a Wookiee celebration cake for Chewie’s son’s Life Day. Han teased her mercilessly because the thing was a culinary travesty, but he is gobsmacked by her thoughtfuless. This is the first time Han really, truly understands that Leia cares about all of him, not just the swashbuckling hero he tried to be. He tells her about Dewlanna that night and while that’s terrifying, it’s edifying, too.

3.) When she’s away for work, doing humanitarian or political business, she always makes sure to call him at a very specific time. Once during the trip to Bespin, he told her that holo calls should never, ever come to someone before their first cup a caf. He meant it as a joke; Leia was always flitting around with her eyes trained on her comm, stress and burden in the line of her shoulders, and Han, ever the opportunist, made the comment to force her to take time for herself.

It didn’t work the way he wanted. Instead of Leia taking time for herself, she made a point to never call him before his first cup of caf. On her holopad is a complicated algorithm that shows her what time of day it is on Coruscant, on Yavin 4, on Corellia, his usual haunts. She updates it regularly with his travels. He finds it hilarious and sweet, though he’d never admit that her habit had come from a joke at her expense.

4.) Leia consults Han about her career. Not the nuances of it; Han is in no position to give advice to the princess and he knows it. But every step of her career has been made with his full agreement. Before her first election after the war, she approached him with resigned nervousness about career choices. Politics was not something one did alone. Politics in this new galaxy was about the family, too. And as awful as the press could be, the media attention would only get crazier once she ran for the highest office in the government.

Secretly he hates her work. He hates that she has to worry so much about perception, that truth is a matter for debate. In his mind Leia is honest and smart and surrounds herself with capable people and that is why she should be elected.

This is probably why he doesn’t get politics. There is one truth in the galaxy for him and that is that Leia Organa is fucking amazing. But he’s not allowed to say that on holo anymore and so he values her talking with him about her next steps. She discusses her emergency appointment when Mon Mothma is poisoned, every election, when she is called into the office again and again. He loves it. It makes him feel important in her life, like she cares for his opinion.

5.) She holds his hand in public. It’s such a small thing and he’s embarrassed by his reaction to it.

But Alderaanians don’t hold hands: it’s a Corellian thing. Corellians were …. Uh, handsy, with their excessive physical demonstrations of affection. Alderaanians, and particularly the House Organa, kept public displays to a minimum. And hand-holding … not a thing for Leia until him.

The first time he did it was on a mission before Hoth, and she’d nearly decapitated him on the spot. She’d yelled about respecting her space, considering her body her own autonomous entity, things he honestly didn’t understand. Because most cultures fall somewhere between Corellia and Alderaan on this stuff. And he’d seen Leia be affectionate in public before. She’s hugged him after he’d helped blow up a Death Star!

He hadn’t explained it then, just been short and snippy right back to her. But when things started to heat up, when they’d had weeks to talk and explore each other’s bodies, he’d brought it up. He’d been astonished to learn that her anxiety about holding his hand had not been about him at all, but about culture.

So it was with great surprise that he noticed she would occasionally smooth a hand over his arm after Jabba’s, that she’d slip her fingers through his on Bakura, that she would try and calm him down those first few years together with a simple squeeze of her hand. Not an ingrained action: it was something she had to consistently build herself up to do. It made her feel vulnerable in public and she’d sacrifice her own well-being now and again to reassure him.

What a trip that was. She’d grab his hand beneath state dinner tables when the conversation turned nasty. She’d squeeze his hand when they walked their children outside and were ambushed by the media. She’d lean into his arm and take his hand between hers on the difficult days, the days when the kids were kidnapped or when Luke disappeared into the Outer Rim for whatever reason. When an assassination threat was made. When an enemy rose to power and threatened the life they’d built together.

Not often, mind. She didn’t do it lightly. Leia had her own boundaries and the very first thing he’d learned about her was that those boundaries were set in stone. But when she took his hand, she stepped beyond herself, met him in the middle, bridged a cultural gap and it always left him a little breathless.

What an extraordinary life he had, with a woman like her. Han might not tell her as often as he should. These things made him melt and he didn’t have the vocabulary for that. So he focused on reciprocating her attention, her care, and somewhere in the middle they found a sustainable happiness that made him grateful and proud.

#KR writes #han solo #leia organa #han x leia #EU canon #Anonymous

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otterandterrierwrites · 6 years ago

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{Hungry hearts} IX. Star fritters (pt. 1)

A/N: We’re back with more Hungry Hearts!! I was excited to write this just because the food this chapter is focused on was inspired by a traditional dish from my country (and other parts of LatAm): pastelitos! Since it’s popularly agreed upon that Alderaan is Latinamerican-coded, I thought it would be a nice way to have Leia finally bringing something to the table---literally. Pastelitos are filled with quince cheese, but since I don’t like that name and in Spanish it’s membrillo, I decided to call it membrill cheese (although, much like Han, I’m like “wtf, this ain’t cheese”). I didn’t manage to finish the whole thing today, so enjoy this first part for now!

Supply runs for the Alliance didn’t require a formal debriefing unless things had gone unexpectedly (which often meant really badly). Apart from accounting for the required goods, however, the mission’s captain was required to attend a reunion with the person at the head of the operation. The purpose of these conversations was mostly to assess the continued viability of their route, their supply source, and any difficulties that might have arisen.

One of Leia’s many assets to the rebellion was her catalogue of connections, of allies or possible collaborators, through the galaxy, what they had to offer, and the ways in which they could be persuaded to offer it. This regularly put her in charge of coming up with and planning said supply runs, and given his undeniable skills as a smuggler, Han had become her most demanded executor.

It was because of this alignment of their respective aptitudes that they often found themselves sitting at opposite sides of a desk in the tiny cubicle she used for an office whenever she wasn’t covering a workstation in the command center, holed up in High Command meetings or off-planet.

‘Don't see why we can’t do this over some whiskey back at the Falcon, Your Worship,’ Han usually joked, or variations of it.

This time he was serious, although he wished he’d brought the whiskey. Their supply providers had come from Espirion: after the battle of Yavin IV, Leia had established an alliance with the planet’s population of Alder-Espirions as part of her efforts to reunite all of Alderaan’s survivors. When her fleet had come under attack from a Star Destroyer in orbit of the planet, Espirion had sent one of their own ships and helped bring down the Impstar. Things had become somewhat dire for Espirion after that, and Han knew that still weighed heavy on Leia. Still, the Empire’s tightening hold on their planet had brought even more allies to the rebels’ cause, some of whom had recently met Han in a distant space station to hand over their contributions.

‘I wish Beon had come with us,’ Leia said with a tired sigh, pressing two fingers to her brow as she thought of the Alder-Espirion chief who had chosen to remain hidden planetside.

‘I dunno about that, Princess. Seems he’s more useful to you there,’ Han reasoned, but Leia waved a hand vaguely.

‘Well, yes, but I don’t want him to get caught. Besides, he’s a good leader; we could use him here.’

Han didn’t say anything to that. Leia wanted what Leia wanted, and it was pointless for him to try and argue with her that other people might have their reasons, too.

‘You okay?’ he asked, as she had an intense, pensive look and her fingers were still digging into her forehead as if to push away a headache. At his words, Leia straightened up, her worries apparently gone.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just been kind of a four-cups-of-coffee-before-9-am kind of day.’

‘Thought that was your regular breakfast order,’ Han teased, drawing a chuckle out of her.

‘You’re free to go, we’re done here,’ she said, scrolling down her datapad and scrawling her signature at the bottom.

Han held up a finger. ‘Just a minute. I have something for you that might improve your day… I think. If you like it.’

Frowning slightly with curiosity, Leia watched as Han removed something from an inside pocket of his jacket. He deposited the square of bright red, thick jelly wrapped in transparent flimsiplast in front of her on the desk.

‘Plenty more where this came from,’ he said with a tilt of his chin. ‘Wasn’t in the list you gave me. Our friends sent it as an extra gift, saying you and the other Alderaanians were gonna enjoy it. You know what it is?’

Leia didn’t answer immediately: her eyes had gone round at the sight, her mouth gaping a little in surprise, and then her expression morphed into one that seemed both joyful and heartbroken—nostalgia, Han realized.

‘Yes,’ she said, clearing her throat a little. ‘That’s membrill cheese.’

Han narrowed his eyes at the confection. ‘This ain’t no cheese.’

‘It’s not. It’s a sweet paste, made of the pulp of the membrill fruit.’ Hesitantly, Leia reached out and touched the package with delicate fingers, as if she was afraid it’d break or vanish at the contact. ‘The tree it comes from grew on Alderaan, but it was spread to other planets, whenever our people settled.’

‘Like on Espirion,’ Han said.

‘Right. We use it to prepare a lot of desserts and snacks, you see—we even eat it just with a slice of actual milk cheese.’

‘Yeah? You like it, then?’

‘I really do.’ She lifted her eyes from the membrill to give him the kind of look she got whenever she had an idea. ‘You’ve never had it before, have you?’

Han shook his head and Leia beamed.

‘Then try it! Wait—I don’t have a knife here…’

‘That’s okay, Princess, this is for you. You don’t have to share it, you know.’

Leia crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back on her chair.

‘This isn’t like the coodler-roe,’ she said, referring to the revolting dish she’d dared him to eat about two years earlier. ‘You can trust me.’

He did; he just didn’t want her to have to give up even a small part of something she clearly enjoyed and had missed. It seemed that what Leia wanted was for him to try this alleged delicacy from her home planet, though.

Drawing the membrill to him, he pulled apart the wrapping and pinched a corner of the pasty block, which he then ate.

‘So?’ Leia asked eagerly as he licked her fingers. It was good but a little too sugary for Han’s taste, and he told her so. ‘I suppose that’s fair. Oh, but you should try them on star fritters!’

‘What’re those?’ he asked.

‘They’re fried pastries, and they only have a small bite of membrill at the center, so the sweetness is balanced out.’ Her eyes were almost glazed over with craving. ‘They’re wonderful.’

‘Well, do you know how to make ‘em?’ Han prompted, an idea forming in his mind.

‘I do.’

Han raised an eyebrow. ‘Do you know how to make ‘em edible?’

Leia glared at him. ‘I also know how to poison food so that nobody will ever know how you died.’

‘Alright then—think I’ve fed you enough for free over the years, you could pay me back by making those star fritters you like so much and sharin’ ‘em,’ Han said, poking a finger into the square of membrill, forgetting that it was unwrapped, and subsequently licking the paste off his index finger.

Leia bit her lip, considering his proposal. The idea seemed to have taken her by surprise, as well as too enticing to say no to, since she had neglected to conceal the way her eyes had followed his membrill-smeared finger into his mouth.

‘I… maybe I could use the mess’s kitchen after-hours.’ She grabbed her datapad again. ‘I’ll check my schedule and see if… Anyway, I’ll just make a few samples and bring them over to the Falcon so Chewie and Luke can try them too—’

‘Nuh-huh,’ Han said, wagging a finger at her. ‘Whaddya mean, you’ll make ‘em? You’re teaching me! You can’t say no, Princess, I reckon you’ll enjoy bossin’ me around.’

‘That I will,’ Leia agreed with a smirk.

Han didn’t care one way or another if he never ate a star fritter, except that Leia liked them and they came from her homeworld, so it was like getting to know another little part of her past life—a part that she was actually willing to share with him. She’d looked so eager, so youthful as she talked about it, the hardships of war seemingly put aside for a few minutes, that what he was really going for with his plan was to get her to feel like that again, distract her from Espirion, from the whole fucking war, even for two hours.

And maybe he was looking forward to spending some time alone with her, too.

#scoundressaturdays #hanleia #han x leia #han solo #leia organa #star wars fanfiction #verse: hungry hearts #2019 #one-shot #series #rated G #period: pre esb

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tauntaun-rider · 6 years ago

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I realize that I’ve been posting rather sporadically, and I'm sorry about that. (Moment of real life honesty here: The combination of chronic pain and debilitating depression is not something that I would wish on anyone.) However, I am not here to apologize or vent, but to share something.

So, I have a folder in the Notes app on my phone where I occasionally write drabbles about my OCs that will maybe one day be turned into something. There’s one in particular about my Agent that I not only finished, but nitpicked to death. I finally decided to bite the bullet and post it to my pithy AO3 account. (Because what better time is there to face your fears than 2:00/3:00 AM?)

Here is the link: Shadows and Regrets.

Below the cut is the beginning to the first chapter. (There are three actual chapters and the fourth acts as an epilogue of sorts.)

I hope anyone that takes the time to read it enjoys!

CHAPTER ONE

This is too risky. This can only backfire. You'll end up with a blaster hole in your head. At best.

Rae bit her lip and looked down at the letter she had been writing and rewriting on her datapad during her free time over the last few evenings. Everything she had experienced since initially joining Imperial Intelligence brought her to the same conclusion: delivering this letter had the potential to yield catastrophic results. Not just for her, but for her crew and her husband as well.

She glanced over her shoulder at the man peacefully sleeping in the bedroll on the floor of the tent they shared. Rae took in his tousled black hair and the hint of a smile on his lips and couldn’t help but smile herself.

Her husband.

Rae never even considered the possibility of finding someone to love that would love her in return. Being an agent in the shadows ensured that she would be alone. Or so she thought. Vector changed all of that.

There wasn't a single person that she trusted as she trusted him. Vector knew she was working on the letter and who would be its recipient, if all went as planned. He understood it was something she needed to do, or at least try to do, to bring herself some peace. And most importantly, he supported her decision, despite the colossal risk.

Convinced that the letter couldn't be better phrased and willing to accept its consequences, Rae saved the final draft of the letter to the datachip she'd already prepared and turned off her datapad. After sliding it into her duffel bag, she slipped on her boots and stepped out of the tent into the muggy Yavin-4 night. A breeze lifted the wavy, emerald locks that refused to fit in her bun away from her face as it meandered through the makeshift camp.

There was a clear divide between the tents: Republic on the right and Empire on the left. It seemed only fair, as the truce was temporary while the combined forces worked to bring down Revan before he revived the Sith Emperor.

Rae wandered through the camp to the back corner, away from the tension that existed even in slumber. She had come to sit by the pond almost every night since they had arrived on Yavin. Vector had accompanied her a few times, but he seemed to understand that she needed space to break free of the invisible ropes that pulled her in every direction, if only for a little while, and merely held her hand while they sat in silence.

Rae sat on a reasonably flat rock at the water's edge and pulled her knees up to her chest. She laid her forearms on top of her knees and rested her chin on top of the tower of limbs. The letter and its implications kept overpowering any other thoughts she had and thwarted her attempts at meditation.

Her frustration was interrupted by the sound of twigs snapping beneath boots as someone walked toward her cozy nook. Her head lifted off her arms with a jolt as she strained to hear any noises that would identify who it was. Out of habit, she reached down to grab the vibroknife hidden in her boot before mentally chastising herself and putting her arm back on top of her knees.

"Can't sleep either?" Theron asked as he took a seat next to her. His normal faux hawk was a bit misshapen and he still wore his clothes from the previous day.

She nodded, gazing out at the stillness of the water.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"Your hair was kind of glowing in the moonlight," he chuckled.

Rae turned her head towards him and smiled. She thought of their first meeting. Their first verbal communication occurred while she was stuck on a research center on Manaan that was on the verge of being entirely submerged. Theron had directed her via comm to the only remaining emergency pod, while going out of his way to point out that a Pub was saving her life.

After escaping unscathed, Rae and Vector, both still slightly sodden from the ordeal, walked into the hidden base that Lana had procured for their mission to find the new, unlikely allies huddled over a table covered in datapads and sheets of flimsy. Theron said he didn't need to know who she was, but insisted on introducing himself anyway. Rae, both tired of his attitude and in need of a laugh after the near-death experience, made a mildly flirty comment in an attempt to break down his brash exterior. In some strange way, that seemed to decrease some of the early tension between them.

Despite that initial experience, she had every reason not to trust him. After all, her stint as a double agent didn't exactly go smoothly. And he, who she assumed had no knowledge of her past experiences with the SIS, had no reason to trust her either.

Yet somehow, they had forged an unusual bond. Rae initially thought it was a polite courtesy, as they had the same goal of uncovering the Revanites' plot and were in the same line of work. But the more time they spent together on Rishi, the more she got to know him as a person. She was surprised to find that they actually had a lot in common. Just in the first few days alone, she discovered that they both hated undercover work on Nar Shaddaa, they both were uncomfortable with having to use seduction as a means of gathering information in the field, and that they both preferred working alone whenever possible.

They shared some embarrassing stories from being undercover, without the confidential details, of course. Rae shared the story of her first time pretending to be a pirate while on Hutta, while Theron told her about one mission in which he ended up running around an Imperial battle cruiser in his underwear. She had to cover her mouth with both hands to hold in the giggles that threatened to pour out and avoid waking Lana. Rae still distinctly remembered the way Theron's eyes had narrowed at her and how his frown conveyed an impressive amount of disapproval while she shook with barely concealed laughter. After a few moments, however, he lightened up and the frown turned into a vaguely amused, self-deprecating smirk.

She recalled another night when they stayed up late talking about the lives they led. Always working, always keeping a distance from other people, always being on high alert and looking for threats. It was nice to talk to someone who understood; no one else in her life really comprehended the toll it took on her the way he did. She learned a bit about how he ended up in the SIS, and she told a bit of her unusual spy origin story as well. Rae felt rather comfortable talking to him, even though he was supposed to be the enemy. She couldn't help not knowing how to feel about the development; he gave every indication that he was experiencing the exact same flurry of confusing emotions.

Rae turned back toward the pond, once again focused on the present.

"What's keeping you up?" she asked.

"Honestly? Pretty much everything. It's all just hitting me now." Theron paused to readjust his position on the rock. "Rishi... Teaming up with a Sith Lord and an Imperial Cipher... Being tortured by my ancestor... The awkwardness with my mother... It's a lot. And after tomorrow, it'll be over. Win or lose, it'll be over."

Rae nodded.

"I don't blame you for being overwhelmed. This strange journey, full of twists and turns, along with pirates and insane cultists, of course... It's taken us across the galaxy and formed what seemed like an impossible alliance. But here we are."

"Here we are," he echoed.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, until Theron decided to ask her the same question.

"Regrets," she said as she wrapped her arms around her knees. "Too many."

"What, you're regretting all of this now?" He gestured to the camp behind them. "Wishing you had stayed in the shadows instead of getting wrapped up in this madness?" The small smirk on his lips worked as a way to both lighten the mood and prompt her to share more. Rae was well aware of the tactic being used, but indulged him anyway.

"Actually, no. I don't regret any of this. It's led to some... personal revelations. I've made some interesting acquaintances. One might consider them friends, while the focus is on Revan." Rae glanced over at him to see him listening intently. His eyes were widened a bit in surprise, but he wasn't laughing at her or the way she openly admitted to enjoying the experience, which she found oddly relieving.

"Whatever happens," she said softly, "I'm glad I met you, Theron. And thank you for saving my life on Manaan."

He nodded, his hazel eyes focused on her.

"I'm... glad I met you, too. Can't say I was expecting to get along with you after finding out who you were, let alone stay up at night talking to you," he chuckled quietly to himself. "I guess I should also thank you for helping me get the rest of the way out of Revan's stronghold. And having my back with Lana after all that."

Rae raised an eyebrow at the last part.

"Lokin told me what you said to her while I was out," Theron explained. "How you walked that line on my behalf."

Rae knew exactly what line he was referencing: the line between Force users and Force-blind people, or more specifically, the line between Sith and everyone else beneath them. It was one that she personally never cared for very much.

Rae's gaze intensified and the corners of her lips were tugged downward. She could feel her teeth clenching out of habit.

"She had no right to put you in that position. She has no idea what it's like or what it can do to a person." Rae broke eye contact and looked at her reflection in the pond. Even in the stillness of the water, she looked broken. She bit her lip and tried to get the haunting image of Hunter's sneer out of her mind.

"No, she doesn't. But I appreciate that. She could have gone all Sithy on you, and you still took that risk."

Rae tightened her grip on her knees, her knuckles turning pale with the action.

"Sometimes, risks are necessary. Sometimes, you need to remind yourself what you're fighting for in the first place."

She could feel Theron's eyes on her and knew that he was trying to restrain himself from asking what she meant. Before he could ask, she turned toward him.

"Besides, I think it's clear that people have 'gone all Sithy' on me before," Rae added bitterly as she looked down at the scars visible on her chest in her sleeveless tunic. "Lokin thinks my so-called moral compass is going to get me killed one of these days," she laughed.

Theron's eyes followed hers to the web of violet scars and bits of puckered skin just below her collarbone. He had to have noticed it before; she made no move to cover any of it up while on Rishi. However, she had never talked about it openly until now.

Rae stood up and stretched.

"I'm going to head to bed. You should, too."

"Alright. Night, Rae."

"Goodnight, Theron."

Rae walked back to her tent, let herself back in, and pulled off her boots. She slid into the bedroll next to Vector and nestled into his side, pulling him close with one arm across his chest.

Tomorrow would be a big day, indeed.

#tauntaun writer #maraesa #otp: what will be the next verse of our song?#i'm too afraid to use the 'swtor' tag.#it can get rather vicious in there.

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badsithnocookie · 6 years ago

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i guess i’ve come to terms with the defection au being basically canon for eirn (or at least, in the outlander!eirn fork of the appoverse), but i’m going to leave its tag as defection au/general reference name for continuity’s/ease of reference’s sake

but anyway prompted i guess by dani’s musings on ana maite, this is a post about where eirn is, relationship wise (on several levels)

quinn leaving for the empire was what prompted eirn to go to the republic, rather than the other way around. up until that point, she knew that leaving the empire would mean having to find allies who could protect her, but had ruled the republic out because she knew quinn would never, ever be fine with that. his leaving, though, meant it was back on the table as an option (and the one most able to protect her, at that)

obviously losing the relationship with him (losing him) hurt, a lot - not just because he’d left her, but because in doing so, he’d rejected the healing and peace she’d found for herself on odessen and gone straight back to the place that had wounded her so badly to begin with (to say nothing of the way the empire had treated him). it dragged all of her old doubts and insecurities back up to the surface - that she was just weak if she couldn’t stomach life in the empire, that she was barely sith at all, and hardly worthy of being tsis, that if she’d embraced the sith lifestyle properly maybe she wouldn’t have suffered the way she did.

but in leaving the empire she has also lost her relationship with it,and that hurts on some level, too. because she is tsis - she is sith, truly sith. she has sith skin and sith hair and sith blood, she speaks and thinks in the sith language, she has a sith name and a sith lightsaber. and the empire, for a long time, was her home. it was where she grew up, where she has her happy childhood memories, where she fell in love, the place she always fought to protect, even once she knew she could never bring herself to go back. her relationship with the empire was always complicated, but now it’s over, and that's painful on a very intimate, personal level.

so, right now, at the minute, whether we’re talking in the stalled timeline of defection or the vague unwritten one of wherever swtor’s content drops are up to, eirn is... grieving (her relationship with quinn, her relationship with the empire), and lonely, and trying her best to heal and to find herself for, really, the first time in her life. she doesn’t have the inquisition breathing down her neck, doesn’t have to worry about the judgement of other sith (even if she does have to worry about the judgement of republic immigration). sis custody is decidedly less free than odessen was, but that was one reason she agreed to go to ossus; fresh air and open skies and the possibility she might be able to breathe on her own terms.

massive republic and or plot fuckups notwithstanding, she will probably stay in the republic and do her best to slink out of the war and public eye, both. she’ll never have a ‘normal’ life, but she can at the very least have one that’s hers. chances are high she will get dragged into Some level of plot (i’d been musing on her settling on corellia for a while, if only because it’s where her parents went in the factionswap au and i like the symmetry of it, and the final chunk of onslaught story is there so she’d probably end up caught up in that somehow)

(if nothing else, i can give her the closure of actually killing malgus this time)

eventually she would seek out a relationship again, though. eirn has a goopy romantic side, and wants a family and a picket fence and a dog and all the rest of that shite. i don’t have any firm plans or ships for her, though.

canon love interests-wise,

quinn is going to be okay with leaving the empire for the republic approximately never. also he like. recused himself from meeting her because he assumed that she’d go leaping back into the arms of the sith/empire, after she failed to do that then went over a year continuing to let her exist in closure-less misery, when he finally showed up he didn’t make any effort to contact her until after the dust was starting to settle (and he’d been taken prisoner by her faction), ummed and ahhed over whether he was going to join her, and then having done that, immediately leapt back in with the empire leaving her in the process as soon as he got the promise they might not execute him for treason because they’re so desperate to fight a war they’re probably going to lose anyway because the empire has the collective tactical knowhow of the kind of person who fights a land war in russia during the winter. so, like. no. he’s very much never ever going to be an option again.

like. if canon provides a convincing ic reason that he might defect to the republic i might indulge in an au where a chunk of the above does not come to pass but honestly? i don’t see it being the case.

lana is off the table for obvious reasons (lana’s a ds sith, manipulative, etc. eirn does not trust lana further than she could spit a rat). plus in the appoverse, lana is still on odessen running her alliance (or what’s left of it, now that most of the major players have gone)

theron is a big no, both because of his jedi ties but also that whole zildrog mess. (i haven’t decided exactly how that goes down in the appoverse but i do want to keep the speech where he tells the outlander they’re a tyrant because that would crit eirn right in the insecurities and delicious angst).

koth would definitely be a possibility if i didn’t have him with anya (though i guess i could change that? it’s not like i’ve written a ton with them). they both want to do right by their people, by all people, and have been treated badly for it. plus common ground on getting fucked over by valkoriate. and he’s a good bean all round.

tau would be a definite possibility if not for both the monologue she gives about corellia on ossus, and her general attitude towards imperial troops as monsters (granted, she’s not wrong, but if she displayed that attitude around eirn, eirn would absolutely take it personally and both be offended and internally go ‘yup, i’m a monster’ and file it away for things to berate herself with later). that and the whole ‘jedi’ thing put her in the ‘no’ column.

oc wise,

the best any eirn-awenyth relationship will ever be in ‘canon’ and its derivative aus is a mutual ‘okay-i-guess-i-no-longer-hate-you-but-please-stay-the-fuck-away-from-me’.

my hellbrain has also suggested croslan, who only has one post in his tag but was the jk in jk hell volume 1. he’s a miraluka goofball with an incredibly corny sense of humour who basically existed for kiramancing and getting legendary on progenitor (can i get an f for the old servers). i think if i was going to do that though i’d rework him to not be a jedi. the luka sene would remind eirn too much of the inquisition for her to ever be comfortable around one, but he could just be... a miraluka who is not a member of any particular religious order. existing outside of rigid religious structures is a thing that would be super common in the gffa, outside of societies like the sith empire.

aemilia is Just Good Friends. i love them both as friends, their weird jedi+sith friendship is built on years of slowly building trust and understanding (even though i. know i’ve barely posted any of it. but they met during sor; aemilia was on manaan following up a lead on the thefts from tython during an imperial incursion at the same time that eirn was there following a tip about the truth regarding the sacking of the academy on korriban. aemilia taught eirn how to use various Force techniques during late sleepless nights on rishi, and eirn would teach amy about the sith structures and statuary on yavin iv, and there were reasons eirn selected aemilia to be her ambassador to the iokath intelligence). amy has never had the end goal of getting eirn to do any particular thing - in sharp contrast to almost every other jedi, sith, and miscellaneous Force user eirn has encountered.

i don’t really have any other ocs that i have strong onions on? most of them are either in relationships/unsuitable or super minor.

that was uh. longer than i expected it would be. oops

#oc: eirnhaya #defection au #long post #quinn critical

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moonprincess92 · 7 years ago

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OOOKAY YOU WANT A PROMPT YOU GET A PROMPT JORDAN - Gym AU sounds like it could be fun (or hot. or both. That is up to you ^^)

ok this is 100% not a gym au bc i tried i really absolutely did, so I instead present to you for consideration: a sailing au! (read on ao3)

The first time they meet, she’s 16 and ready to destroy.

(He’s 17 and was forced into this).

“Jyn’s small, the two of you can go together,” Draven suggests literallyminutes before the two of them are apparently attempting to rig a lasertogether, whatever that means. The breeze is at least warm. The sun shines downthrough the clouds and he honestly has to shield his eyes from the glare offthe boat. Or maybe that’s the girl he’s been paired up with. She moves withutter confidence, pulling this and tying that, and his utter incompetencebecomes rather obvious very quickly in comparison. Eventually, the tiny girlputs her hands on her hips and exclaims,

“You don’t put the tiller on until you’re in the water.”

“Sorry,” Cassian hastily drops the contraption onto the rough sand undertheir feet, which naturally only makes the girl seethe more.

“YOU DON’T JUST DROP IT–”

“Sorry! I don’t know what I’m doing!” Cassian holds up his hands as Jyndives down to pick up said tiller and place it gently back into the hull of theboat. “I’ve never sailed before!”

“I can tell, you suck at this.”

“Hey!”

“I’ve been sailing since I was four,” Jyn lifts her nose a little, herblack hair tucked underneath the official ‘Yavin Junior Yacht Squadron’ cap.“You’re one of the kids from the home, right? Like, no parents and stuff?”

He nods. Cassian isn’t dumb. He knows how this works, understands thathe doesn’t really belong here. He’s been living in the foster home ever sincehe was six and this is just another activity that his carers are trying out inthe hopes of giving all the children equal opportunities in life. Last year itwas rock climbing (he’d actually gotten pretty good) and the year before it wasa pottery making class (his looked like shrunken heads, but he’d at leasttried) and this year it is apparently sailing. Every Saturday for theentire summer, he is going to be forced down to the Yavin Yacht Club and theinstructors are going to attempt to teach him how to sail without fuckingdestroying something… to be fair, he hadn’t counted on the tiny partner.

Jyn’s supposed to be telling him what to do, but she ends up rigging theentire boat herself and honestly, it’s probably for the best. If Cassian had toattempt any of the ridiculous knots she’s doing, they’d probably drown outthere. The wind shakes the trees as they all work, the lake-side beach dottedwith about twelve to fifteen small boats all manned by kids literally anywhereas young as eight. Jesus. They actually let kids do this? Theeldest is probably Ben, who lives in the home with Cassian and is 17 too, butwhen he glances over at him Ben at least looks like he is enjoying learning howto make these boats safe enough to go out on the water.

Cassian, on the other hand, is just praying that he doesn’t dietoday.

“So uhh, what happens if we get hit by a water-skier?” he asks.

Jyn barely glances up. “The skiers are in a different part of the lake.”

“Ok, but what if we crash into another boat?”

“These boats are all donated,” Jyn shrugs. “They’ll probably break andwe’ll get yelled at.”

“Are you seriously not even scared of drowning?”

“We have life-jackets and Draven’s always out there in the chase boat,”Jyn rolls her eyes. “Blimey, calm down, mate.”

“What if the boat tips over?”

“Look,” Jyn slams her hands down onto the side of the now fully-riggedLaser. “I win every summer regatta, and I’m not having you mess up my record!Just do what I tell you and we’ll be fine.”

He decides to take her word for it. She certainly sounds confidentenough.

“I am so fucking dead,” he mutters as they push the boat towards thewater.

He’s still not used to the terminology, so when Jyn says it’s a landstart he just assumes that they’ll push the boat out and start racing straightaway, which thankfully turns out to be right. What turns out to be harder,however, is throwing himself up into a boat that’s already caught the wind andis barely big enough for two people. “Where am I supposed to go?!” he yells.

“Just stay up front and keep your head down!” Jyn calls over the wind.She has no problems leaping gracefully into the boat. Cassian, on the otherhand, jumps in what he assumes is a fucking spectacular salmon impression. Hedoes as he’s told, clambering to the front of the boat, but still manages toaccidentally hit himself on something as he lies on his back. His legs are toolong and end up hanging over the side and he rather feels like screwing up hiseyes and hoping for the best… but he finds it in him to remember that he’s apart of this race, like it or not. He glances up at the sail full of air, thenup at Jyn.

Boy, that was a mistake.

She’s perched up on the side of the boat, the wooden tiller in one handand a blue rope that seems to be attached to the sail in the other. Her cap isclipped to her t-shirt and she’s wearing a swimsuit underneath so that all hecan notice is her bare legs resting not even inches away from his face. Heswallows anxiously before hastily turning to see where in the hell they’resupposed to go.

Was the boat really supposed to go this fast?

“What are we aiming for?” he calls up to her.

“That yellow buoy over there!” She points with her foot, which nearlygives him a heart attack. “We have to go around it to port, then down to thebottom mark, then back up, then back to the shore.”

“I didn’t understand a word of that.”

“It’s just a windward-leeward!”

“Are you even speaking English?”

“For god’s sake – TACKING!” she suddenly yells out and before he canthink, a giant metal pole is heading straight for his face. He yelps, duckingdown so quickly that he slams his ass against a cleat of some kind and Jynlaughs, already gracefully perched on the other side of the boat.

“I told you to keep your head down.”

“You didn’t say when!”

“I thought you’d at least know what a tack is – move so your head is uphere!”

It’s a mission to manoeuvre his body in the tiny boat, but he somehowmanages it and honestly, it’s a lot less terrifying when his head is away fromthe water. A gust of wind, however, makes the boat tip even more and he feelshis heart ram through his throat. Jyn is thankfully non-phased and simply letsout a little of the blue rope she’s holding, which seems to stabilise the boatonce more.

“Ok, clearly I have overestimated your sailing knowledge,” she says.“Let me give you a crash course.”

“Not exactly the phrasing one would like to hear when on a boat in themiddle of a lake.”

She rolls her eyes and if he isn’t mistaken, it sounds likeshe snickers a little too. “Sailing 101!” she says. “You can’t saildirectly into the wind, so if that’s the direction you want to go, you have tozig-zag. Every time the bow – the front – of the boat moves across the wind tothe other side is called a tack. The boom is this thing–” She leans so she canslam a hand down onto the metal pole that had nearly taken him out earlier.“–and every time we tack it’s gonna swing to the other side, so you have towatch out.”

“Right.”

“This is the tiller, it’s basically the steering wheel,” Jyn carries on,indicating the wooden handle she’s holding. “Except if you want to go left, youmove it right, and if you want to go right, you move it left.”

“Perfect.”

“This is the mainsheet!” She holds up the rope in her other hand. “Itcontrols the sail. The mainsail technically, but I’m not even going to mentionjibs at this point. If you’re going upwind you pull it tight, if you’re goingdownwind you let it out.”

“Great! I understand none of this!”

Jyn makes an exasperated noise. “REPEAT AFTER ME: IF IN DOUBT, LET ITOUT.”

“IF IN DOUBT, LET IT OUT!” Cassian yells back, although what he’ssupposed to let out he’s still not entirely sure.

“TACKING!”

God, he is going to have no ass by the end of this.

Honestly, they manage to do quite well until about halfway through. Ithelps that Jyn is the one who’s sailing, because he’s seriously still justalong for the ride here, despite the amount of times Jyn has tried to explain whatshe’s doing. However, just as they are approaching the first mark (and pullingahead of several other people, he might add, which has Jyn cheering) Dravenpulls up alongside them in the chase boat.

“JYN. STOP DOING ALL THE WORK, LET THE KID HAVE A GO TOO.”

It’s a miracle he can even be heard over the wind and the sound of thehull crashing into the waves, but apparently these people were well trained indeciphering loud voices over decent distances. Jyn groans and Cassian holds upa hand hastily.

“No, it’s fine, I really think it’s best you just do it anyway–” hebegins.

“I would,” Jyn rubs her forehead. “except I’m kinda on Draven’s hitlist. Doesn’t like me… you know, for some reason.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

It just comes out and he cringes at the look she gives him. However,instead of being blasted to pieces by her laser eyes, she almost seems takenaback. Like she didn’t realise that he had it in him. She beckons him closerand says, “Come up here.”

“Up there?” Cassian indicates where she’s sitting right on theedge of the boat, sometimes even leaning out right over the water when the windgets strong. He seriously hopes his voice didn’t squeak just then. He coughsquickly before adding, “But the boom will kill me!”

“Not if you do it right, come on – your weight will at least save mefrom having to counter all the time,” She reaches out and grabs him by thelifejacket, practically hauling him up. He moves until he’s by her side,wind slaming into his face and making his eyes water. Any second nowthey’re going to hit a wave and he’ll be thrown overboard, or they will tackagain and he’ll be knocked out cold… but for a second, he sits there and feelssomething like adrenaline run through him. His skin is prickling but herealises he’s smiling and he turns back to face Jyn.

“See, this isn’t so bad is it?” she points out. Then, she’s handing himthe blue rope and that’s about when the panic sinks in again. “Hold that, pullit when I tell you to and remember: if in doubt, let it out.”

“IF IN DOUBT, LET IT OUT.”

“You don’t have to scream that every time.”

“Sorry, I’m a little on edge.”

Jyn rolls her eyes, but they’re coming up on the yellow buoy bobbingaround in the water and she shifts a little. “Right, we’re going to tack aroundthe mark – BODHI!” she suddenly screams across the water to another boatnearby. “BEAR THE FUCK OFF, MATE!”

“Is he going to crash into us?” Cassian fights to keep calm. The kid whoapparently went by the name of Bodhi was getting rather dangerously close tothem as they approached the mark and Jyn threw up her middle finger at him.

“Nah,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “He’s just got right of way, so the bastardis purposefully trying to push us down so we don’t make it round the mark–”

“Honestly, you’re still speaking a lot of boat lingo here and I don’t–”

“Tacking!”

“Jesus Christ–”

They literally only just make it around the mark. Bodhi’s laser zipspast with a laugh, mainly because Cassian’s attempt to clamber to the otherside of the boat meant that he didn’t let out the rope in his hands as theymoved to the downwind leg. Their loss of power slows them down considerably,until of course Jyn screams, “LET IT OUT!” and he lets go of the ropecompletely.

“Bloody hell…” Jyn rubs her forehead, their sail now flapping uselesslyand kind of terrifyingly in the wind. She yanks at the mainsheet, pulling it inenough that they start to get momentum again before shoving it back into hishands.

“I told you putting me in charge of anything was a bad idea,” Cassiansays, weakly.

She doesn’t even answer that time, which he is a little grateful for.Thankfully, he discovers that there’s a significantly lesser threat of tippingover going downwind. Naturally, they had to be going what seemed to be evenfaster, but for a while at least he’s able to just sit there without having tomove very much. Other boats, he notices, are zipping past them, but Jynapparently doesn’t seem to care much anymore. After several minutes oflistening to nothing but the rush of air, Jyn suddenly turns to ask,

“So what’s the story?”

He glances back at her. “What do you mean?”

She’s completely unabashed and it throws him a little. “We’re gonna bestuck on this boat for at least another hour together, we might as well get toknow each other. Why are you here?”

If anyone else asked him like that, he would’ve said to fuck off. Buthis life is literally in this girl’s hands, and the way she looks at him makeshim get a niggly feeling that she has a story too somewhere, underneath the hatand lifejacket.

“Every summer, the foster home chooses something for us all to do,”Cassian explains, casually. “Something to keep us occupied, out of trouble,exposing us to the world’s endless opportunities… or some shit like that.”

“And they chose sailing this summer?”

“I’ve been dreading it ever since school got let out.”

“What year are you?”

“It’s gonna be my last year in September,” Cassian answers. He’sactually been trying not to think about it too much. “You?”

“Same. I’m young in my year, my birthday’s in August.”

“And you’ve really been sailing since you were four?”

“My parents used to sail,” Jyn shrugs. “I’ve been on boats as long as Ican remember, four was just the first time I was officially allowed to join theclasses at the club.”

“And you’ve… always liked it?”

She glances at him with something like a smirk. “Are you trying to askif I’ve ever been scared?”

“Well, I have to admit that I haven’t been able to breathe properly eversince we arrived at the club and it would be reassuring to know if that feelingwill ever go away.”

Jyn lets out a snort of laughter, which at least sounds promising.“Sailing shouldn’t be terrifying,” she says. “It can be dangerous if you don’tknow what you’re doing, but honestly it’s fun. Especially when the wind isdecent like this,” She holds out her spare arm then, flinging it up into theair. The wind tosses her ponytail up from behind her and she practically soarsover the water.

She could’ve been flying.

He swallows a little with difficulty before asking, “And if the wind iscrap?”

“Then you’re literally floating on a hunk of fibreglass in the middle ofa lake,” she catches his look and adds, “… it’s a real hit or miss kind ofhobby.”

He smiles a little. In their downwind interlude, it seems that they’vefinally caught up with the main group of boats, although the downside appearsto be that they are approaching yet another mark. Jyn shifts a little as theywatch the buoy grow bigger and bigger as they get closer.

“Right,” she says. “Now at the bottom mark you have to gybe aroundinstead of tack. That means instead of crossing the wind with the bow of theboat, you’re going to use the stern. It can be a bit harder than tackingbecause the wind catches suddenly, so you have to control it–”

“I appreciate the lesson,” Cassian says, desperately. “but maybe justtell me exactly what to do–”

“Ok, fine, swap places!” She suddenly crouches forward, gesturingquickly that he should scoot further towards the back of the boat and replaceher hand that had been holding the tiller. While quite happy to hand over themainsheet, Cassian realises that he’s now in charge of steering the boat andhonestly, it might be even more of a nerve-wracking job.

“When I tell you,” Jyn calls from her new place on his other side,reaching up with a gloved hand and holding onto the elaborate pulley system ofropes that controlled the sail. “you’re going to push the tiller away from you,ok?”

“Ok.”

“You can sound a bit more confident,” she throws back with a slighttease.

That’s news to him, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on the way she looksat him in that moment. The buoy is floating right in front of him and hefreezes until Jyn yells, “Now!” He pushes, and their Laser suddenly swingsaround at a rather alarming speed. Jyn swears spectacularly as the ropes areliterally ripped from her hands, the boom slamming across the boat so quicklythat it’s a miracle that Cassian ducked in time. Before he can think, she slamsa hand on top of his on the tiller and she’s pulling it just a fraction, enoughthat they thankfully come under control once more.

“Jesus Christ,” she exclaims. “I said push away you, I didn’t sayyank it!”

“I didn’t know how hard I was supposed to push!”

“I might be going out on a limb here, but can we at least try and haveno more heart attacks for the rest of the race?”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

She laughs.

The second upwind leg unfortunately goes a little rougher than thefirst. The wind’s certainly picked up, and the two of them are forced to sitright on the edge of the boat to keep it balanced. Jyn insists on swapping placesagain and his heart is slamming somewhere in his throat every time they have tolean back over the water. “On the plus side,” he says at one point. “I thinkI’m getting the hang of this–”

Naturally, as soon as the words are out of his mouth a strong gustsuddenly slams into their sail. The small Laser keels dangerously over and hestruggles to let the mainsheet out fast enough. The last thing he hears beforethey spectacularly capsize is Jyn shrieking and a loud splash.

Then, he hits the water.

“SHIT, that’s cold!” he yelps once his head breaks the surface.

Jyn’s next to him, spluttering a little and pushing back her fringe. Herhat is bobbing along next to her in the water, still attached to her shirtthanks to the tie. Their Laser is flopped forlornly onto its side, the sailbeing the only thing keeping it upright, although Cassian is certain that itwon’t take long for the water to pull it under. He catches Jyn’s eye andsuddenly, she’s swimming over to him and apparently laughing her ass off.

“You made me capsize in the first race of the season!” She hits him onthe shoulder once she’s close enough. “Good god, I’m never living this onedown.”

“I tried to let it out, I really did–”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” she shakes her head, grinning. “C’mon, let’sjust get the fucking boat back up.”

Thankfully, it’s a fairly simple concept getting the Laser back up theright way. The two of them swim around to where the centre board is sticking upout of the water and pull, pull until the sail finally swings back up out ofthe water… the hard part is apparently getting back in said boat. Jyn hasabsolutely no problems hoisting herself up out of the water, drippingeverywhere as she clambers back in, but admittedly for a second he wonderswhether she’s going to simply set off without him and leave him in the Laser’swake. His throat only clenches for a second however, since she turns andreaches down for him, grabbing him by the lifejacket. His return to the boatisn’t quite so graceful. He perfects his earlier salmon impression, floppingover her lap as he’s hauled up into the boat once more. It’s freezing with thewind slicing against his wet skin and his teeth chatter as he strugglesupright.

But he looks up at Jyn as she still holds onto his lifejacket… and hewonders if it would be in poor taste to compare it to being held by a lifeline.

“Oh, I am fucking TERRIBLE at it,” Cassian practically shouts over themusic that pounds the walls of the clubhouse. “We ended up capsizing so manytimes that we pulled a crack in the hull and the Laser fucking sank.”

“Cassian, I know,” Kay says. “People have been making fun ofyou all evening.”

It turns out that sailors like to party as much as they like to rib eachother. Everyone was polite and formal during the actual prize giving, apartfrom a few ‘fun’ awards that had been handed out, including ‘Best BuoyCollision’, ‘Best Man Overboard’ and ‘Best Sinking of An Entire Boat’… he andJyn had won the latter one amidst a lot of cheers and teasing. Thankfully, oncethe prize giving was over, a disco lightbulb was screwed in and the musicturned up loud, the after party getting well underway. Of course, with amajority of the attendees being under 18, it basically just involved a bunch ofkids jumping around a makeshift dance floor, teens hanging out in clumps andgroups around the edges of the hall while the parents and other adults dranktoo much beer at the bar. Cassian thankfully at least knows Kay and the otherkids from the foster home. The tall, lanky 17-year-old might be his onlyfriend, but Kay has been with him almost as long as they’ve both been in thehome, and though his abruptness might leave most people a little slighted,Cassian honestly appreciates him.

“Just think, though,” Kay says as they eye up the dance floor withtrepidation. “you could’ve been the poor bugger who fell out and their partnersailed off without them.”

“Might I remind you WE SANK THE ENTIRE BOAT?”

“You managed to get it back onto shore again.”

“Yeah,” Cassian shakes his head. “after having to be rescued by the chaseboat! God, Jyn isn’t going to want anything to do with me after this…”

“Why do you care?” Kay asks in genuine confusion.

“Kay, I think your ace-ness is showing,” Cassian snorts. His best friendgives a dawning look before immediately seeking out the girl that Cassian isn’tquite ready to admit that he’d had an eye on all evening. She’s across theclubhouse on the other side of the dance floor, laughing at something someonehas said within the group of friends she stands with. Her hair is no longer tiedback under her cap, but left down to dry around her face and it’s kind of hardto look at, to be honest. Kay glances back at him with an expression thatclearly says, really?

“She’s cute, ok?” Cassian throws up his hands.

“I give it a 28% chance of happening.”

“Thanks for the confidence, man,” Keen to change the subject,Cassian cuts back in again by asking, “So you clearly survived the first raceof the season, then?”

“I didn’t sink the boat, if that’s what you mean,” Kay huffs. “Honestly,turns out sailing isn’t that hard. It’s all just physics, really.”

“Of course,” Cassian says. “Think though, this is going to be our lastsummer excursion. This time next year… we’ll finally be on our own.”

“No teachers or carers anymore.”

“I find it faintly terrifying,” Cassian admits. “You?”

“Oh, no. I’m tired of it all. I’m ready to leave.”

Cassian downs his OJ like it’s beer, wishing not for the first time thatevening that it was. He doesn’t know where Kay’s pragmatism comes from. Hemight be ready to face the world, to go out on his own, get a job, get a life,look after himself, but something in Cassian is hanging on, and he hates it.There’s a heavy weight pushing him down, and it gets stronger whenever heremembers that he’s nearly at the end of the road. He’s supposed to be grown upnow, strong now, he’s called ‘young man’ and reminded daily of how he needs tofocus because he only has one year of school left, this is where he needs tomake all the decisions that will ultimately define his adult life…

He’s never felt more like a child.

He glances at Jyn across the room. His plan had been to avoid her allevening in the hopes that she might have forgotten the Accidental SinkingIncident by this time next week. But she’s young too. She’s young and confidentand everything Cassian isn’t and if this is the last time he gets to spend asummer messing around and forgetting everything important, then…

“Fuck it,” he declares. “I’m gonna go talk to her.”

“You what?” Kay says in bewilderment.

“Wish me luck.”

“Luck with what? WAIT – you’re actually serious? – CASSIAN –”

But Cassian is already disappearing into the crowd of partying sailors,leaving his utterly baffled best friend behind. He would figure it outeventually. He forces his legs to keep moving and not stop, because if he stopshe will chicken out, and he can’t chicken out, damn it…

Shit, she’s still with her friends. He doesn’t quite have the guts toreach out directly, so instead he opts for just casually joining the circle,staying quiet and listening to the chatter about how last year’s exam resultshad finally come through, how Kasey and John had apparently hooked up atJeanie’s party last weekend, how Jyn had managed to sink an entire boat in thefirst race of the season –

“Yeah, we’re still on that apparently,” Jyn side-eyes him from where hehad sidled up to her. He blinks, heart racing at the thought that she hadapparently already noticed him.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “Again. I didn’t mean to–”

“Nah, don’t even worry about it,” Jyn just waves a hand, turning herback on the rest of the conversation. “I’ll never live it down, but I’m overit.”

“Thanks for having my ass out there, by the way,” Cassian says. “I don’tthink I’ve mentioned that yet, I might’ve drowned if it weren’t for you.”

“Are you always this dramatic?”

“I’m an orphan,” Cassian throws back. “My life is dramatic by default.”

That makes her go quiet for a moment, and he wishes he hadn’t drunk allof his drink just to have something to do other than stare at her. The discolightbulb sends colourful shards across her face as she contemplates him.

“I’m sorry,” she says after a moment. “Did you wanna talk or someshit…?”

“No, no it’s fine,” he said, hastily. “It was a long time ago, I makejokes about it now. Sorry.”

“Oh, thank god,” Jyn cracks a grin. “I thought for a second I was gonnahave to get sentimental.”

“I know I just met you today, but you don’t exactly strike me assentimental, Jyn.”

“That’s the way I like it,” she says, happily. “Now, we’re not allowedto talk about sad shit or sailing shit anymore, the after party’s are supposedto be about having fun and getting fucked up, so you better have some othertopic of conversation to entertain me.”

“Tell me, how are you supposed to get fucked up when you can’t evenaccess the bar?”

Jyn just hands him the innocent juice she’s been drinking the wholeevening. He takes a sip and realises that it’s not just been spiked, it’s beenspiked strong. He coughswithout meaning to and she laughs at him.

“The parents all get plastered at these, so long as you don’t get toodrunk, you’re golden,” she says.

He grins. He smiles, he grimaces, he smirks, but he doesn’t do fucking grinning, and this girl is making him.

What is he getting into?

They honestly don’t drink that much in the end. He really only acceptsenough that he’s not too scared to take her hand and pull her along for adance. Jyn ignores all the little kids giggling as she slings her arms aroundhis neck, moving in time to the latest upbeat pop song of the summer. Her hairis sweaty at the edges and he remembers how her hair was plastered to her headas they hit the water. It’s a very different sensation now. He’s pretty sureshe’s pretending that she doesn’t know the words but she’s humming under herbreath and he can feel the heat rising off her under his hands on her hips. Heremembers that she mentioned her parents earlier in the day and Christ,he hopes that they aren’t somewhere over at the bar right now. Not that they’dhave anything to worry about, because they’re just dancing. He might still betrying to figure out how it happened, but they’re only dancing, andit barely even qualifies as such anyway, rather it’s just jumping up and downto the bass that thundered through the floor of the clubhouse.

It’s just dancing, but it feels like something else at the same time. Hisfingers clench a little at her hips and for a moment he lets himself imaginethat he has the guts to pull her closer. He would never dare, but it’s just aswell since she catches his eye and he just knows she’d be the kind of girl totrail her hands down his neck and shoulders, nails scraping a little into hisskin. She would step in as his arms cinched tighter, pressing her hips againsthis. He might pass out a little, but he would let her wrap herself around him,hands skimming up and down his back until eventually, they settle somewherearound his ass…

Jyn pulls away and suddenly, his head is forced to snap back to reality.Feeling a little like his skin is on fire, she tugs on his hand and begins topush themselves through the crowd of raucous sailors. Eventually, they find themselvesoutside. The breeze is still warm enough for t-shirts, and flies dart aroundhis face that he slaps at until Jyn leads him down the deck that lines theoutside of the clubhouse. She leans against the rail and he joins her, themusic just a distant thud in his chest now. Yachts gleam out on their moorings,Lake Yavin rippling gently ahead of them.

Jyn turns to him.

“I love a good party, but sometimes you just need to get out sometimes,”she says.

“I feel you.”

“You know, you’re not half bad, Cassian,” Jyn smirks, glancing away. “Itook you for a baby at first who was going to cry at the first sign of keeling,but I was proven wrong.”

“Oh, don’t worry, the spray from the waves masked my very real tears.”

She laughs, and he’s not sure he’s actually made a girl laugh this muchin one day before. It might be a new record for him. “I guess you got the restof the summer to harden up,” she mentions, lightly.

“Ah, yes,” he nods. “a whole summer before being plunged into impendingadulthood, all while still being forced to take exams.”

“You’ve been given the lecture too, huh?”

“I am all too familiar with the lecture.”

“Finally! Someone who gets it,” Jyn exclaims. “I’m 16, I don’t want tobe making Important Life Decisions right now! I just want to sail boats andmess around, at least while I still can.”

He’s not sure what it is. Maybe it’s the way the moon hits her hairthat’s still hanging around her shoulders, maybe it’s the subtle way she’s leaninginto him, maybe he’s just gone a little crazy. Whatever it is, he throws allcaution to the wind and says,

“Sailing boats I’m a little out of my depth with, but I’d be willing tomess around with you.”

Her eyes snap to his.

“Do you mean that how I think you mean it?” she says.

“It sounded sexier in my head.”

“Everything does.”

Later, at the end of the summer, both of them will say that they kissedthe other first. The reality is that Cassian will never really be sure, onlythat one second he’s staring at her and the next, her fingers are in his hairand her lips are pressed to his. One of his hands splays out, hastily graspingthe deck railing while the other curls up her back, feeling the bikini strings underher t-shirt. His heart is pounding, not unlike being on a Laser going upwind.He’s not sure when he switched to sailing analogies. He’s not sure that hecares. They stand there and kiss the hell out of each other, until eventuallythe clubhouse door opens somewhere behind them. They pull apart hastily asapparently one of the young families leave to make their way home for theevening. There are the giggles of an over-tired 10-year-old and the suddensurge in music until the door swings back closed once more behind the family.

Jyn lets out a long breath.

“YEAH,” she says. “I am absolutely cool with doing that some more. You?”

He tries not to smile too much as he joins her in leaning once moreagainst the deck railing. His lips still tingle.

“Oh, you will definitely see me next week.”

#rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fanfic #dailyrebelcaptain #rogue one #rogue one fanfic #ro #ro fanfic #my fanfiction #sailing au #again so sorry that i couldn't seem to do a gym au i well and truly tried lol #but i hope you like this!!!

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unstable-reality · 7 years ago

Text

Static in the Signal: Chapter 5

Finally got this up!

Cassian follows a lead, and then regroups with Jyn, and he and she tackle a relationship problem in the only way that they know how: awkwardly.

Plenty of angst ahoy.

[AO3]

He still hadn’t spoken to Draven.

He’d gone about his day, scraps of intel tap dancing on his chest, and he hadn’t messaged him. Hadn’t gone to him. It wasn’t unprecedented; he’d acted outside of the chain of command fewer than two months ago. And there’d been times before that, too, when he’d chosen to keep mum, and had done what he’d needed to do on his own, for any number of reasons. But this was different. He knew it.

Now, it was early evening, and he was moving through the East Passage, toward its set of barracks, knowing that he could have, should have, been going to the general’s office, instead. He could have saved this for later, and still had time to spare before meeting Jyn in his quarters (assuming she was going to show). Yet that wasn’t what he was doing.

Remb hadn’t really implicated Draven. It was all subtext and supposition, drawn from withheld information and little more, and yet, the notion that it could point to something was turning and wouldn’t leave him alone. His stomach rocked and rolled from it. It was silly, on some level. He’d gone head-to-head with Imp commanders, and had lived to want to forget it. If he’d been asked, he would have pegged that as the harder thing to do. Well, what had he ever really known?

He rapped on a door. A pair of Sullustans walked past, speaking in their native tongue. He wasn’t practiced in it. They used several words he didn’t recognize, but that he could guess from context wouldn’t go over well in polite company. Hard day for them. Something about a malfunctioning astromech.

He could spin this, at least. He was gathering more information. It would excuse the delay. And it would give him extra play, buy him time to consider how to meter his words.

Of course, there was another reason, too.

At length, a woman of his height answered the door. Despite her youth, her hair was the color of Hoth. Her eyebrows climbed when she saw him.

“Captain Andor.” She was surprised.

“Ensign Konn.” He cocked his head, peering around and behind her. Two sets of racks, top and bottom, flush with walls that curved over and around them. A desk. A closet. A storage chest. It was small, cramped, and vacant, save for her. He’d expected that; he’d checked her bunkmates’ schedules. Still had to confirm. “May I come in?”

“Um.” She frowned, hesitated. He hated the way that made his thoughts start cycling. He was here, following up, but he didn’t want to suspect her. It would mean… “Sure.” She took a step back and to the left. He moved past her, eyes still sweeping, catching on the corners, on the undersides of the top racks, and then on the bottom ones. On the light fixture. He could be more thorough, but that would be a tell. There was always a trade-off: look for bugs, and give yourself away; decline to look, and risk them being there.

He heard the door close behind him, turned toward her. She was still frowning.

“It’s been a while.”

“It has,” he agreed. There was a picture on a shelf. He settled his back against the bunks opposite from it and crossed his arms. Funny thing. He’d never let himself feel guilty about the way he handled his acquaintances and his recruits. They were all there to do a job, and it was a job that mattered more than anything, including personal connections. He wasn’t callous or cruel. He wouldn’t leave someone behind if he could help it, and he'd be helpful and supportive when a comrade needed him to be. But he had always maintained a professional distance, and he’d rarely gone out of his way to spend time with anyone. If he’d ever felt lonely, well, he’d had the one real friend.

Don’t think about it.

He sure felt guilty now. He’d felt guilty from the moment he’d recognized her name, and he’d felt it again when he’d decided that she’d be the first one he spoke to. It was partially because of Jyn (how many changes, how fast, Force, he wanted to see her). It was also because… It would be another blow, another punch to the gut, if she turned out to be an actual suspect.

Marin Konn had been one of his first recruits. Years ago, back when it had still been new for him. He’d struggled with it, in those days. The contradiction of it all had thrown him. He was a spy. Spies sold a fiction. Recruiters sold a truth. He’d spent so much time perfecting his ability to lie -- dropping into personas; professing beliefs and attitudes he detested; acting contrary to his ideals and values; befriending and obeying those he hated; betraying and killing those who’d come to trust him. Closing off. Shutting down. Compartmentalizing. What would he do, now that he had to put his actual self into the job? Knotty prospect. Probably should have been a warning sign, that he’d come to view deception as easier, and preferable, to honesty.

Of course, it had gone well in the end. He’d done fine; better than, really. There was a sense of relief in it. He’d run into new recruits on base, and there’d been that familiar jolt -- mark, out of context, be mindful, what’s your story, recite -- and then...nothing. Nothing, because there was no story to keep up. They knew who he was, or at least where he belonged. He’d found that he liked that. And he relished the fact that he didn’t have to do all of the terrible things that his other tasks required of him.

He’d gladly done it again. And again. He’d excelled, and gone out alone. Cultivated an altogether different sort of network. Landed himself control of a system. Control of a sector. It had become the part of his job that he liked best. It was little wonder that it was the part that had been taken from him, and the part that Draven had dangled over his head.

What will I say to him? What can I say?

He’d tagged Marin in those early, uncertain days. He’d been very nervous, and he’d been very open, because he hadn’t figured out where to draw the line. She’d really thought he was her friend, and maybe he kind of was, for a time.

He felt sick over this.

She sat down on the bunk he’d guessed was hers. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. “So. What’s up?”

Straight to the point. He appreciated that. “I need to ask you about an assignment you were on, three weeks ago,” he said. “The transport mission.”

She sighed, shook her head, smiled in a resigned sort of way. “Yeah. Okay.”

There it was. She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to: he hadn’t spoken to her in how long, and now he’d come around, and it was for this. There were a lot of people who would have had the same reaction, although their numbers were thinning. He’d gotten better at not giving the impression of friendship.

He forced himself to focus. “Your crewmates -- how well do you know each of them? Had you worked with them before?”

“Uh…” She crinkled her brow. She looked like she hadn’t expected him to go in the direction he had. “Yeah, with both of them. Dedeker more, though.”

“What’s ‘more?’”

She paused to think. “He and I work together...I don’t know, six or seven times a year? Harish and I almost never do.”

All right, then. Now he knew she’d gone with two others, and he knew their names. Her name was recorded right before one of the gaps in the log, and he doubted she would have gone alone, and he’d been loathe to access her mission records after visiting the flight deck. Checking the shifts of her bunkmates had been risky enough. So, he’d gotten her to name them for him. His chest rose and fell. He recognized both names, although he couldn’t put a face to either. That didn’t matter so much. What did matter was that neither of them was new to the Alliance, and both of them had spent some time at Yavin, before and after the Battle of Scarif.

A corner of his memory itched.

“What’s your impression of them?”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Do you like them? Dislike them? Are they good at their jobs?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m friends with them, but I get along with them okay. Dedeker’s a little aloof, I guess, but a lot of people are.” The last was said with added emphasis. He ignored the dig, and she narrowed her eyes, and clasped her hands together. “Captain, what’s this all about? Did we do something wrong?”

He tilted his head back. Not you, he wanted to say, just them. “Not necessarily.”

There was a silence, as if she expected him to say more. He didn’t. Her posture changed. She nodded. “Okay.”

He nodded back. “How did the mission go?”

“It was successful.”

“Did anything unusual happen? Did you run into any problems?”

She blinked. It looked, to him, as if there was something she’d wanted to say, but then decided not to. There was a knot in him, and it tightened. He told himself that he couldn’t be sure it meant anything, that it probably didn’t. She was a person being questioned, acting like a person being questioned. “We had some engine trouble when we were leaving Refnar. Other than that, everything went fine.”

“What kind of trouble?”

“Routine stuff, you know, should’ve been caught during maintenance. Dedeker fixed it, no problem.” She huffed. “I put a complaint in when we got back.”

Well, that was something. “Nothing else?”

“Uh, no.”

He straightened. The heater switched on and filled the room with its white-noise hum. It was less information than he’d wanted, but it was also enough. He could ask more, push more, and there was value in that approach. At the same time, it could reveal his hand, and he had to play it close.

“Thank you, Marin,” he said, after a beat. He took a step away from the racks, arms still folded. She was wearing that resigned smile again.

“You’re welcome.”

He moved toward the door. Shea Harish and Aramis Dedeker. He’d add the names to the list he already planned to give to Jyn. He’d check that a complaint had been made. He’d send a message to the base on Refnar, verifying the engine repair, and asking whether anything else had happened. Marin wasn’t stupid; she would have swept her ship. And she would have told him if she’d found trackers, or anything else. She would have. He’d recruited her. She wouldn’t lie to him. That wasn’t how it worked.

His thoughts veered toward Remb. Hells, he didn’t want to kill these people. There were so many he hadn’t wanted to kill, and he wanted it all to stop.

“Hey, Captain?”

He turned back.

“You ever wanna stop by, you know, just because. You can.”

His ears rang. He forced himself to smile, and then left without responding.

It was 20:30. Jyn wasn’t there.

He tried not to pay attention. He tried not to be disappointed yet, and he told himself that he wouldn’t be, because he’d already thought she might blow him off. He tried not to acknowledge how full he was, how the tension in him was tugging at his temples and hairline.

20:32, and he tried to ignore the fact that he felt queasy. He called up the mental exercises he used in the field. He berated himself. He wondered, about many things. He again thought of Draven, about when he’d go to him, and about how he’d phrase his report.

20:35, and she was at his door.

They stood there. His heart fluttered. There was no attempt to put on an act for passers-by, on either of their parts. That was a first.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” The word felt crisp and dry.

She stepped into the room. Kept her weapons on her person. It wasn’t threatening, that; it was a sign of withdrawal. She looked up at him, and then down, and then off to the side. He watched her shoulders edge up as she took a breath, watched her chin tilt.

Had he felt awkward last night? He couldn’t be sure, because whatever it was he’d felt then, it wasn’t anywhere near as uncomfortable as this. He had no idea what he was supposed to do or say. Of course she was still mad. Of course. It was Jyn, and he’d expected her to be. He had spent all day thinking about this moment, thinking he’d know what it would be like, waiting and wanting (and wanting to share with her, unload, shed it all and sink in), and now he was standing and staring. Heart thumping. Steady, not too fast, not unlike the way it did when he was slipping into an assumed identity.

She shifted some; her eyes glanced off of him, bounced around. He realized he was squaring and steeling himself as if he was working. He wasn’t shutting down, far from it, but he’d look as if he was.

She wasn’t saying anything. He should say something.

“I have a lead.” Really, Andor? That’s how you start it? “I’ve got some names.” There was so much more to it than that, but nothing more would come.

Her lips parted, then closed. “Good.” Another shift. “I can probably check them tomorrow, if that’s what you want. I’ll have terminal access.”

“I’d appreciate it.”

“Right.” A pause. Long. “I’ve got some things of my own,” she said.

He nodded dumbly. Silence. Breaths. Eye contact. Her jaw was tight, and so was his. The air was heavy, around him and in him, in his chest and in his throat, and everything was...clogged. There was a whole torrent of impressions and longings and explanations and words and all of it was lodged in a thick, cotton-mouthed something or other. He felt a knot of anger, or frustration. She wasn’t talking to him, and he was not talking right back. It was ridiculous, foolish. Operationally, he wouldn’t stand for it; there were things to be said and done, and yet here he was, and here was she. The overhead light was behind her head. It filtered through her hair, limned her face. Her eyes were so green.

He took a step toward her. She straightened again. “Jyn,” he said. He was surprised by how breathy his voice sounded. “Look…” It was stuck. He forced it. “Earlier, at the breach…”

She cut him off. “We’re doing this, then?”

Of course they were. Why wouldn’t they, when it seemed like it was consuming everything? The air needed to be let back in the room. “Shouldn’t we?”

She hooked her thumbs into her coat pockets, and moved in a way that wasn’t quite a shrug. Her eyes once again slid off of his. “There are other things.”

He blinked. He was taken aback. This wasn’t like her. She was reserved, in many ways, but so far, he hadn’t known her to shy away from confrontation. She could be brutal in her embrace of it. It struck him that that might be part of the problem. You try to protect me in your own way, don’t you, Jyn?

“There are,” he said. “We’ll address them.” He leaned to the side, tried to capture her gaze. It took a moment, but she got the point, peered at him, head turned, lips drawn, tension in her, tension he hadn’t wanted to see again. This was stupid. It shouldn’t be happening. It had to be dealt with. “We need to do this first.”

Eyes locked back onto his. Teeth grinding. More silence, and his heart, thumping, in a way that he recognized, and in a way that wasn’t like anything he’d ever let himself feel.

“I can handle myself,” she said, at last.

“What? I know that.”

“You put yourself in harm’s way, and you took me out of it.”

The thing that might be anger flared. “You think I can’t handle myself, then?”

“That isn’t what I meant.”

“I was fine, and I needed someone to lead the second team. Someone I trusted.” But he knew exactly what she meant. And he knew that she was right, at least partially, because he’d wanted her on the less risky course. He admired the way she fought, and recognized and respected her expertise, but… If she was hurt, because of the way he’d read a situation, because of orders that he’d given…

Well. There wasn’t really any way out of that, was there, given who and what they were and what was going on. Ridiculous, all of it. He was going to give her a set of names, and she was going to look into them. She was going to provide him with her own bits of intel. She was going to continue helping him and he was going to continue tying himself in knots over the question of her safety, because that was the way that things were.

Her bottom lip trembled. She was still holding herself back. “It could have been someone else.”

“No, Jyn, I’m not sure that it could have been.” He closed his eyes. Even Eri, the sapper he’d assigned to her, whom he’d known for nearly a decade, couldn’t be trusted as well as she could. He probably should have found that odd. He didn’t. “What would you have had me do?”

“Treat me like…” She paused, struggled, visibly. “...like we’re a team. Like I’m working with you, not under you.”

He huffed. “We are a team. I came up with a plan based on something that you noticed and suggested. But I had taken command of the response, and…”

“You sent me away!” The words did not echo. They struck the walls, and dropped, heavy, to the floor. She had drawn herself up, as she said them, and moved closer, her tone rising, her fists balling, and suddenly, it clicked. Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened. He realized it was only just now clicking for her, as well.

He hadn’t thought… Compartmentalization. What an excuse.

“Oh, Jyn.” His shoulders sagged. How many people in her life had left her, or had ordered her to leave them? Some of it was reflected in her record, and they’d talked about it a little; she’d asked him about Fest, so it had only been fair. But he knew he hadn’t gotten the whole of it. What he did know was that it had happened, and that it had kept happening. And, stupidly, he’d gone and made it look like he was going to do it to her, too.

He pressed his thumb to his temple, dragged his fore and middle fingers across his forehead. How could he not make it look that way? They wouldn’t always be able to stay together in a fight. How was he supposed to handle that, especially since he did outrank her, and it would draw the exact wrong sort of attention if he acted like he didn’t?

He found himself thinking dour thoughts, traitorous thoughts. It was too hard. It was all just too hard, and he was no good at it, and the only thing that really mattered was the mission, regardless how…

No. No, that was a mistake, that was a long, slow, rotting pain that hurt some allies and left others dead. He would do what she required. He had already decided. He had already cast aside his old mode of living and given a piece of himself to her, and he would not turn away from that. He couldn’t. He needed her. She was safe. She made him want to be better.

His fingers twitched. He longed to reach for her, but he wasn’t sure she’d want that.

“I know you were fine,” she said.

He didn’t think she did, if the movement of her jaw and the thickening of her voice were anything to go by.

“But…” She pressed her lips together. “That doesn’t make it feel any better, having to…” She trailed off.

For a handful of seconds, he just looked at her. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I never want to make you feel that way. “I...don’t really know how to do this.”

She tilted her head, moved as if she were squaring up, and yet edged closer to him. There was an almost-smile, like the one she’d given him in the data vault. “I know,” she said. “It’s hard.”

Should he push it? It might not be the time. But it was something that needed to be taken care of. If they were going to avoid drawing too much attention to themselves, if they were going to survive, then they needed to work out some sort of balance. There had to be a way for them to act appropriately in the field without him summoning bad memories.

“There are going to be times when I have to give you orders, if only to give the right impression.”

She eased back a little, and her posture stiffened, but her eyes didn’t leave his. He held her gaze and leaned toward her, until his face was close enough for her breath to wash over it. He wanted this point to stick. He wanted her to feel the truth of it. He saw a change in her before he’d even spoken, a ripple coasting down, through head and neck and shoulders. “But I will listen to you, and I will not abandon you.”

Can you really make that promise, Andor?

She blinked, and creased her brow. Swallowed.

“I mean it,” he said.

Her breaths quickened. There was a pallor to her that hadn’t been there before. He wondered if he’d screwed up. But then, slowly, she nodded.

“All right.” So quiet.

He did reach for her, then, hands wrapping around her upper arms. Her head dipped, and her fingertips landed lightly on his hips. He itched to embrace her, but something stopped him. The same thing, he wagered, that was stopping her. She tucked her head under his chin, and her nose struck the hollow of his throat. He focused on that, on the flush of contact, on the heat of her, spreading outward and sparking along the surface of his skin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. One of his hands moved to her neck, squeezed, then drifted further up, to the back of her head, above her bun. Her grip on his hips was firmer, now, but there was still a pocket of space between them.

He wondered if he ought to put less of this on her. There’d be less confusion, that way. But, of course, that wouldn’t help in situations like the one they’d been in this morning, and it wouldn’t make him worry any less about her. Besides, he wanted to work with her. They functioned well as partners. He didn’t want to lose that, and it.was obvious that she didn’t, either. He smoothed her hair, rested his head on top of hers. This was so much more complicated than he’d thought it would be. He wasn’t a fan of that. But he wanted her, and he wanted this fragile thing that existed between them. Needed it.

Her breaths evened out. The fabric of his trousers bunched in her hands, which then crept to his waist. She looked up at him. Less guarded, now, her chest rising and falling, measured. She was very warm. “Are you…” Hesitant, unfinished. He got the meaning well enough, though. It surprised him, because he hadn’t expected her to shift focus so quickly. He supposed it meant they’d done an okay job of resolving things.

And they did have more to talk about. Once they’d started putting it off, he’d have kept on, as long as she needed. He hoped she realized that.

He considered how to answer. Doubt and paranoia, second-guessing, self-directed turmoil -- it was all swirling just beneath the surface. He’d ached to be able to share it with her, and now that he had the opportunity, he had no idea where to start. He let out a chuckle. “I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.”

The muscles of her face moved, in a certain way. He was getting to know her expressions, subtle as they could be, and he read concern in this one. Incredible. She’d been so mad at him! But, well, that was her, wasn’t it? Arguing with you one moment, shielding you with her body the next. She inclined her head toward the bunk. “Sit down,” she said.

He nodded, and let her lead him, her fingers sliding along the curve of his waistband and landing at the small of his back. She sat beside him. Her hands curled around the edge of the mattress; her knee knocked into his and stayed there. He soaked up the lingering contact.

And then, he told her everything. He started with the things that were operationally relevant -- the S-threads, the gaps, the names, the trajectory of his investigation -- and then he spoke on the rest, on all the bits cluttering up the spaces in between. Remb and Marin and Draven, his churning thoughts, confusion, lapsed faith, shifting loyalty, guilt. There was no particular order to any of it, and it felt...strange. It was so new. He didn’t do this. He didn’t open himself up. Compartmentalization. She made him want to, had already gotten him to, but he felt exposed. He felt selfish.

She was silent, for a long while. She watched him, listened, waited. Whether it was because she couldn’t think of anything to say, or because she thought it was best, he couldn’t tell, and he found that it didn’t matter. There was a lot that she could have done that she wasn’t doing. It turned out that that was more the point.

“It’s...a lot,” she said, some time after he’d finished speaking.

“Yes.”

She sighed. Grabbed his opposite shoulder, pulled him to her. Turned, pressed her forehead to his. Their noses brushed together. Silence, again, but the acceptance in it, and in all that she was doing, was very clear. It was astounding.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“For what?”

He shrugged. She harrumphed. He pulled back, and brushed her bangs behind her ear. If he was being honest, he wanted to kiss her, but there was more, and they had to go over it. “You said you had something?” He hoped she understood.

She frowned. “You sure?”

The mission might not be the only thing that mattered, but it mattered, nonetheless. “Has to be done.”

She smirked. “You probably should’ve let me tell you, then.” She was teasing him. That was as sure a sign as any that they were okay.

“Jyn…”

She flashed a smile that was gone as quickly as he’d noticed it, then paused, and shifted her eyes to a spot on the wall beside his head. “We intercepted a transmission. I had to turn it over to Draven, but I know where it’s wound up.” She furrowed her brow. “I don’t think…” A heavy breath. “I know you’re worried about him, but I don’t think you have to be.”

He blinked. “What?”

“He’s on your side.”

He wasn’t sure how to take that. He should have been relieved, but there was something else there, something implied in her tone. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was. Is she just trying to reassure me? Well-intentioned insincerity? No, no, that wasn’t her style. Troubled feelings, and no place for them to go. He’d have to think on it and ask her again later. “Anything else?”

Her gaze dropped to the floor, then moved back up to his face. “When I was on patrol, I checked on the South Passage.” Her throat worked. “Have you talked to Aldes at all since this morning?”

Nervous energy seeped into his gut. “No, but I read her report.” There hadn't been anything unusual in it. “Why?”

She pursed her lips. Her brow furrowed. The professional in him sat up, at attention. “I don’t think the generator malfunction was an accident.”

He sat on the end of his rack. Jyn’s heels were touching his hip, through the covers. His back hurt. He was cold. It reminded him of nights long ago, nights he tried not to think about, but that this rotten place couldn’t help but call to mind. He made no move to cover up.

He couldn’t quiet his thoughts. He’d messaged Voya. They were going to meet tomorrow. He was a patient person; he’d had to be. He should have been able to lean into that. But there was a tickle in the back of his head, and it was nagging at him.

He was remembering something. He’d been remembering it since he’d spoken with Marin, and he couldn’t figure out what it was. He rubbed the sides of his head. The stress and turmoil were getting to him, affecting his mental processing. It had been a long time since that had happened, but then, he’d never dealt with something like this.

The blankets rustled. Jyn stirred beside him, and he looked back over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” she asked, voice husky from sleep. In the low light, he couldn’t make out her expression.

Thinking. “Nothing.”

She drew up her legs, tenting the blankets, and eased herself down the length of the mattress, coming up beside him. “You need to sleep.”

He didn’t say anything. This close, he could see her eyes, and strands of hair, broken free from her bun. The side of her hand grazed his. They hadn’t had sex; they’d just wound themselves around each other, grasping, holding tight. He felt better now than he had before, but he was still off-kilter, and he was amazed that she’d stayed, after everything had been said and done.

Of course, he was amazed every night she stayed.

She must have taken his silence as acquiescence, because she grabbed his upper arm, just above the elbow, and tugged him backwards. “C’mon. Don’t make me drag you.”

He let out a breath. Well, he could lie awake as easily as he could sit awake, and he could hold her, maybe, for a time.

What was it? He could feel it, just out of reach, and there was a sense that if he could grasp it, then something would fall into place.

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the flash of the indicator light on his datapad. It pulsed against the corner of his desk and a small patch of wall, white on white. He frowned. Levered himself up, and moved over Jyn, who heaved a sigh.

“It’ll be there in the morning. If it was urgent, they’d have comm’d.”

“I know that.” And he knew what she was trying to do, after he’d bared himself to her. This was compulsive on his part. But how could he not be compulsive, when his world had gone as mad as he felt? He padded over to the desk. He heard a muted thump behind him, as if Jyn had let herself fall back onto the mattress. The datapad’s heat spread over his palm. The message unfolded -- encrypted -- and absorbed the bottom half of the screen. He sucked a breath through his teeth. He’d expected it to be from Remb, or even from Voya.

Instead, it was from Draven.

“Cassian.”

She’d been right, of course. It could wait until morning, and was explicitly intended to. Draven wanted to see him. He was to report before the start of his regular shift. Well. No more waffling, then.

He walked back to the bunk, and rolled into her arms.

#rebelcaptain #jyssian #therebelcaptainnetwork #wip #au #established relationship #angst #;static #;fics and drabbles

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