#the only reason I passed with 70% in the last math course I took was because it was online and every test was open book

[alistairian]

Update: I'm still terrible at math

[prorevenge]

"I have an A-, so let me steal you art."

I had this friend clear back in junior high. Well, she was more of an acquaintance than a friend. We will call her Miss.

I met Miss in my 8th grade. She had moved to the area during summer. I'm the type of person who tries to include those who aren't being included anywhere else. And, due to the fact that she was a new student who didn't move in part way in the year, she was alone. (When new kids come part way, they are swarmed by students.) Miss and I had a few of the same interests. Anime, especially Naruto, we loved making music, and though she was a tad overweight, she loved to run (which I thought was awesome).

Anyways. Even though we had connected in some places, Miss always made me feel...uneasy. She had this tendency to jump headfirst into something. Sometimes, it equaled out into a grand talent, other times, she had a severe addiction to Sims. But, due to this motivation she wore, her math skills were above and beyond. Miss was a year younger than me and was already in my math class. I was, and still am, terrible at math. It doesn't click for me. It is normal for me to stay in the D range for my math, even after doing all the worksheets, studying many hours every night and taking every test. At least I tried.

Miss refused to tutor me at all. Which was fine. Her choice. I do not think she quite grasped how tough math was for me. There was one day she came in and said, "Aren't you excited to take calculus with me. We should be in it the same time in high school." I just laughed. (I never even made it to pre-cal.) There was a strange thing I noticed though. Miss was absent every single test. I thought it was something that should be addressed. But, I had watched her do assignments and they were a breeze for her. I wouldn't see a reason for her to cheat.

Toward the end of our first semester, Miss had noticed that I drew on a regular basis. I'm an artist. Far more so now than back then. I can't even look at my art from junior high without cringing. She asked for me to draw her something. I was delighted and said yes. Whipping her up something that was similar to other pieces I had done. It was on line paper and wasn't the best thing I had accomplished by that age.

As the semester was coming to a close, I realized the likelihood of me getting a D+ by the end was small. That meant I wouldn't be able to go on the school trip. Which, as you would imagine, devastated me. The last chance I had was an art project my math teacher would do every term. It still involved math, but a creative outlook on it. This one was based on a radius of a circle. So someone could draw a dog with a leash as the radius, and the grass may create a circle around the dog. As long as it had that idea, it counted. And, the art was judged, first and second places received extra credit. Basically, this was salvation for the super artsy students.

There hadn't ever been a term where I didn't get first place. I got first place the year prior as well. This was the only way I had passed. I attempted to think outside the box. (As the dog and leash was used regularly.) I ended up drawing an angel with broken wings, chained at her ankle with a sort of magic suppression circle beneath her.

After the drawings were judged, the teacher would go through all of them and show the class. The last two were shown as 2nd and 1st place. Some people had cute ideas and then he went to 2nd place. I saw my drawing. The one I had turned in. I got 2nd place. That never happened. And then, he lifted up 1st place. I also saw my drawing. Mine. The one I had drawn for Miss. The speed at which I twisted to turn my body toward her must have given her the hint that I wasn't happy. She later came up to me and said, "I'm sorry. I needed the extra credit, I'm at an A-."

I didn't say anything to her at the moment. I was fueled with anger and anything that would have come from my mouth likely would have been nonsense. But it bothered me that she wasn't willing to tutor me for ten minutes, and then proceeded to claim my art as her own while I failed.

I let it go for awhile. I still refused to speak to her, yet, my animosity only grew when I saw her absent for the final test, and, as I saw one of her friends she had made taking pictures of his test.

At the end of class and test taking, I walked up to the teacher with a giant binder of all of my art. I declared that she had stolen my art and displayed him my works in the binder. One of which was extremely similar to what I had drawn for her. My teacher said, "When I saw her piece, I even thought it was similar to your art." I then told the teacher that it seemed strange that Miss was absent every single test. The teacher knitted his brow and pulled out our attendance records and skimmed through it before saying, "AEON, thank you for bringing this to my attention. You may go."

For awhile, I didn't hear if anything had happened to Miss. Semester was about to come to a close, I still had a D- and winter break was on its way. But, one day, I come into class and sit down. Miss comes up behind me and sits in her own. I still hadn't exchanged words to her and then I hear:

"Miss, could you come here?" I glanced at the teacher and he gave me a smile that eased my entire being. Miss made her way to the teacher and I got to eat every bit of the conversation. "Miss, it has come to my attention that you do not deserve the extra credit of coming in first place. A friend of AEON's approached me and showed me proof that it was a gift she had given you. You are aware that even though art may be given as a gift, you can not and should not claim it as your own unless the artist agrees you may?" I heard subtle agreements from Miss. "Good," the teacher continued, "with your understanding of such, I'm sure you understand why I must give AEON not just the extra credit from earning 2nd place, but 1st place as well, giving her 70 points of extra credit." He seemed to say that especially loud. That amount would put me beyond a D+. I was thrilled.

It didn't stop though, the teacher kept going, but quieted his voice as more students filed in. "I have been going over your attendance. I found a glaring inconsistency in your absents. You have been gone every single test." I heard a rustle of papers. "As you can see, there isn't a single test you weren't absent for. Thus, you took them on a later date after school. I have spent the last couple weeks investigating this and have found that another student in this class had been taking pictures of the test and sending it to you. Are you willing to confirm this at this time? Or, would you like to wait until we have a meeting with your parents."

Silence.

Pure, revengeful silence. All those years practicing my art wasn't going to be abused. I figured that she must have known that I was the reason for such knowledge to pop up and I didn't care by this point. I didn't need to say a single thing to her.

Miss finally spoke. "I am good at math, AEON can confirm that." I had to stifle a laugh, because, I honestly could. I watched her math in front of me all the time.

"Meeting it is then. I would like you to know that we have records of the text messages between you and the person who sent the images. He will also be joining the meeting. Whether or not you are good at math won't change the situation. In the end, you may need to retake this course."

Miss gave a brief, "Okay," and sauntered to her desk.

I didn't get to know much after that. As much as I wanted to hear everything, the teacher still needed to uphold a safe environment. That being said, there are some cherries on this cake worth taking note when I saw her again in high school. While I knew we were about to be in the same school again, I had no plans on reaching out. She sought me out though and pulled me aside.

Miss went on to say that I destroyed a lot of her parents' faith in her as well as her teachers'. Her entire school life was dissected and studied. They found further errors where they had figured out where she had been cheating. Any respect teachers found in her had decayed. Her final year in junior high was a mass of redoing classes and taking online classes to catch up and be ready for high school. I had ruined a lot of her life. And then Miss said, "I'm happy you did it while I was in junior high before someone called me out in college. I don't think I would have stopped if I hadn't been taken down. Since then I've been actually trying. I've even lost weight!" (I'm not sure what the weight thing had to do with me ruining her reputation, but, that's what she said.)

I went on to tell her that that's great and I hoped she would continue to prosper in her education and body, but I did let her know that I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with her again. I mentioned that having someone steal my art after I gifted it to them quaked a lot of my trust and I haven't given anyone my artwork since. (I have now after five years being out of high school.) She understood and took it well.

I feel like this is pro-revenge in two ways. One, I gave her her comeuppance, I got my revenge. I received my extra credit plus some. I went on the school trip when she didn't. Everything fell exactly where I wanted it. But, two, I also helped her stop cheating her way through life, inevitably leading to a better future. Who knows, she may have fallen back in her ways, but at the time, everything worked out.

(source) story by (/u/AEONmeteorite)

[freddiesaysalright]

Under The Stars

Hi @a-hysterical-queen-bih it’s me, your A Night at the Fandom Secret Santa! Sorry this is a day late, love. I hope you still enjoy!

Pairing: Rami Malek x Reader

Word Count: 2K

The chime of a phone alarm roused your from slumber. You opened your eyes to...darkness. Brow furrowed and a little frightened you called out for your boyfriend. 

“Rami?”

As the grogginess of sleep wore off, you realized you were blindfolded. The fabric was soft and silky, so you recognized it as the one you used regularly in the bedroom. Smirking, you called out again.

“Rami!!”

You heard his footsteps on the carpet as he entered the room. You rolled onto your back. The mattress sank down where he sat beside you. He was to your right so you turned toward him. 

“If you want to make love, all you have to do is ask,” you said huskily, reaching a hand toward where you assumed his thigh was.

He intercepted it with his own, lacing your fingers through yours. 

“Maybe later, hon,” he said softly. “I have a surprise for you tonight.”

“A surprise?” 

“Yeah,” he said. “You got clothes on?”

You chuckled. “Yeah, your hoodie and my gym shorts.”

“That’ll work.”

“Work for what?” you wondered.

He didn’t answer you. He only lifted you into a sitting position and then helped you out of bed. When he disappeared into the closet - which you only knew from the direction of his footsteps - your concern grew. He knelt in front of you and helped you into some sneakers. 

“We’re leaving the house?” you asked. 

“Yep,” he returned. 

“Where are we going?”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it?”

You sighed and rolled your eyes, despite the fact he couldn’t see you do it. When your shoes were securely on your feet, he led you outside. He stopped in the driveway and you heard the click of a car door opening. Only, it didn’t sound like your little sudan. It was much heavier. 

“Okay, just take a couple steps forward,” he said. “Now step up.”

He assisted you into a much taller vehicle than you were used to. Worry started to crawl over your skin. You heard Rami climb into the driver’s seat and close the door before the engine roared to life. 

“If you’re going to murder me, I’d prefer you didn’t take me to a secondary location,” you joked. “This is getting weird.”

He laughed. “You have got to stop watching Forensic Files before bed.”

“I’m just being vigilant,” you retorted. 

“You’re gonna like this, okay?” he said. “Trust me.”

He pulled out of the driveway and turned on some music. It was Queen, naturally. He had chosen The Works and you huffed. 

“Come on, babe,” you groaned. 

“What? You love Queen!” he insisted. 

“Of course, but you know 70s Queen owns my heart and soul,” you reminded him. “A Night at the Opera please.”

You felt the car swerve a little as he glanced at his phone to switch it up. 

“You know I could do it if you took this blindfold off,” you said. 

“Nice try.”

Death on Two Legs came on and you smiled. You sat back and listened to the sickest diss track of all time before further questioning Rami again. 

“So, can you at least tell me how far away it is?” you asked. 

The rumble of the tires told you that you were on the highway. Not that this was odd in California, but it certainly did not narrow down the possibilities of where he was taking you. 

“I’m not telling you anything,” he said firmly. 

His hand crossed the console to your lap, where he linked your fingers again.

“But you do realize how crazy this is, right?” you said. “You blindfold me in my sleep, take me in a car that neither of us own and I’m guessing could reasonably hide a body, and tell me we’re going to an undisclosed location. What am I supposed to think?”

“That your man is creative and spontaneous,” he replied. 

He drove on. Since you couldn’t see any clocks, you had no idea how much time was passing. You tried to time it by the music, but you lost track of the math you had done jamming hard to “I’m In Love With My Car.” Rami was really skilled with the blindfold because as much headbanging as you did, it didn’t even slip. 

You were about halfway through the album when he pulled off the highway. Gravity pulled you to the left as he took the curvy exit. Then once again, you were clueless. This last bit of the drive didn’t last long though. Confusion hit you again when you began bouncing from the rough terrain. 

“Rami,” you said seriously. “What in the wide world of fuck are we doing?”

“Just a few more minutes,” he said. “Let me get everything set up.”

“What?” you cried. “Come on, I’m tired of this.”

He didn’t answer. He just chuckled and you heard him open the door and get out. He left the door open as he messed about somewhere to the rear of the vehicle. The air around you was still, but not in a creepy way. You strained to listen for anything that could give away where you were, but there was nothing. Only crickets and whatever Rami was doing. 

Your door opened and you heard Rami’s voice beside you. “Okay, babe, give me your hand. I’ll help you out.”

You groaned and allowed it. Carefully, you stepped down. The ground beneath your feet was hard, but not like concrete. It was more like the rocky ground you climbed up during hikes. Had he taken you into the mountains?

He led you around to the back of the car. Then you felt his hands at the back of your head, undoing the knot of the blindfold. 

“What would you do if  I told you I couldn’t get it?” he said with a laugh. 

“I would kill you,” you snapped. “Like, actually kill you.”

He snorted and then the fabric fell away from your face. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust but the lighting was low. You gasped as you looked. The vehicle was a pickup truck. Rami had set up the bed to look as cozy as your own room. A soft down comforter covered the bottom. Pillows sat up against the cab. And electronic tea candles created a warm glow. 

“Look up,” he said into your ear. 

You obeyed and for a moment, couldn’t breathe. You had never seen so many stars. They looked like diamonds as they glittered majestically against the inky sky. It was as if whoever put them there just spread jewels across a dark piece of velvet. They were crowded around the moon, which glowed in full. It was so beautiful you could have cried. 

“Stunning,” you breathed. 

“Isn’t it?” Rami agreed. “That’s how I feel every time I look at you.”

“Oh, Rami,” you sighed. 

You turned to face him, grinning widely. He lifted you onto the bed of the truck and you scooted back to recline against the pillows. He crawled up to join you. You rested your head on his chest as he slipped an arm around your shoulders. You lay there together, gazing up at the infinite heavens.

“It makes me feel small,” you said, half to yourself. 

“Small?” he questioned. 

“Yeah,” you said. “I mean, the universe is so vast, so wide. I’m just a tiny little part of it. Is that how you feel when you look at me?”

He chuckled and squeezed you close. 

“Sometimes,” he said. “You’re so lively and wonderful. I wonder what you see in me.”

You sat up and looked at him, frowning. “Do you have to pee?”

“What?”

“Because if you do, go now,” you said. “I gotta tell what I see in you and I have a lot to say. It could take several hours.”

He laughed and pulled you into him again. “Relax. I know you love me.”

“Good.”

“I just mean that I look at you and I wonder at how all this happened,” he went on. “How we found each other in this big world and how we’ve made it work through so much.”

You reflected on that a moment. The beginning of you and Rami’s relationship was as rocky as the ground around you. It began as a one night stand and you continued sleeping together, but that was all it was. Until jealousies formed and you both realized you cared much more for each other than you ever thought. It was difficult to navigate. But you’d come out on the other side as a solid couple. Now, you couldn’t imagine life without him. You were sure that losing him would crush you. 

“Yeah, it is kind of a miracle, isn’t it?” you remarked. 

“I just...I love you so much, Y/N,” he sighed. “I never thought I could care so much about a person.”

You wrapped your arm around his waist and snuggled closer. You struggled to find words to express that same feeling. 

“Me too,” you said, knowing you sounded so lame. 

“When I used to think about how big the world is and everything that could possibly happen, it scared me,” he continued. “But since I’ve found you, I feel like nothing scares me. With you, I can handle anything. I can do anything. I can be anything.”

Again, you sat up. You had to look in his eyes. They shone like the sky above you. 

“What’s gotten into you?” you asked. 

Honestly, his words were frightening you. Fear tugged at your gut. Had something happened? Was he dying? What made him suddenly so emotional about being with you?

“I’ve just been thinking a lot lately,” he said. “About my life and how I want to live it. There are a few different ways I think it’ll go. But every path has you on it.”

You brought his hand to your face. His thumb gently traced your cheek bone. 

“I want to make it official,” he said. “I want you to be my wife.”

Your eyes went wide as you sucked in a breath. You watched in complete shock as he dug in his pocket and pulled out a little box. He opened it to reveal a diamond ring, sparkling in the moonlight. 

“Y/N, will you marry me?”

Your mouth fell open. You just gaped at him for a long moment and he waited for you to answer. You had talked about marriage before. But you had no idea he was planning this. You were just in awe of this man and how much love you had for each other. 

“Yes, Rami, I will!”

You both burst out laughing as he slid the ring on your finger. You gazed at it and then pulled him in for the kiss of a lifetime. It was the kiss you saw on screens and read in poems. If you were a princess it would have woken you from an enchanted sleep. True love. 

“I love you,” you whispered between kisses. “I love you so much.”

He cradled your face in his hands and held you there. 

“I love you too,” he replied. “I can’t believe you said yes.”

“Of course, Rami,” you assured him. “I want everything with you.”

You just held each other for several minutes, drinking this in. You and Rami. Forever. You glanced at the ring again and smiled. It would always take you back to his moment. Under the stars, where you felt like he had plucked one right out of the sky, just for you. 

On the drive back, you didn’t talk about the wedding you wanted. You discussed together the marriage you would have. How many children you wanted. What kind of house to get. How many pets you would have. Those were the things that mattered more to you. You were building a life together. In the whole wide universe, you had each other.

[hegglespeggles]

How to write an essay you could not care less about in 10 steps

Hello. I have an essay to write.

I am also, (unfortunately) the kind of lazy, apathetic burnout who will only do my FUCKING work if I get really worked up. Usually that ends up meaning all of my papers are spite-fuelled tirades but my profs seem to like them so fine. I hope you find this particular raging tirade useful.

Today, I would like to educate the 4 of you that will actually see this on a fine art I have perfected over the years. Writing a paper, about which, you do not give a single, solitary, crumb of a fuck about. This is (you may have guessed) and excellent way for me to procrastinate doing a paper that *I* do not give a single solitary crumb of a fuck about. For best results, I recommend doing this NIGHT-BEFORE-PANIC like, a week in advance so you can fix all the NONSENSE that your more reasonable brain will undoubtedly find. But if it’s the night before and you are shit outta luck, this will get ‘er done. And with practice, you can even pull good grades outta these bitches.

 Dissociating? I gotchu. Woke up the day of the deadline to feel like absolute utter garbage? Search no more friends.  

  FAILING GRADES ARE BETTER THAN ZEROS JUST FUCKIN DOOOOOO ITTTT

1.    Go get the prompt.

I fucking mean it. Even if you are like 1000% sure you know what the prompt is asking, go to the FUCKING assignment, and copy that shit into your word document. Got the assignment on paper? TYPE THAT SHIT UP MOTHERFUCKER.

(Do you see what I fucking have to deal with)

Boom?

BOOM.

Congratulations, you now have a document, and whats more, there are WORDS in it!! You aren’t starting from scratch anymore kiddo. Fringe benefit, you always know EXACTLY what the assignment wants because its fucking Staring You Down. Not saying you have to do exactly as it says, mama didn’t raise no BITCH and I aint scared of fuckin CALLING PROFS OUT but if you wanna break the rules you gotta know what they are first

(Disclaimer: I have also been kicked out of class on numerous occasions for fighting with the prof and had full classes where the lecture WAS me arguing so maybe take my opinions of conformity with a grain of salt.)

2.    Math THE FIRST

I know, this is an essay and not a fucking calculus test. But some of this shit is USEFUL OKAY

Take the paper in question. How long does it have to be? Mine is 5 pages. A page is generally accepted to be 250 words (double spaced because we FUCKING LOVE OURSELVES) so 5 x 250 = 1250 wds. That’s the goal. That’s the pinnacle. That’s your new holy grail.

Time to split this bitch up

  3.    Yarrrrrr, CONTENT

And finally, we get to the part that is the reason why you are being an absolute bitch baby about this essay (maybe. I might be projecting. Your life is your life and im sure youre doing your best.) I Hate this part, but now with our magic number we don’t need to pull 5 pages out of the ether.

This part really requires you to know your vibe. Is this something that you have a lot of little opinions (read: evidence) about or like, only 2 or 3 big bois? Look deep into your soul and figure out which is the easiest for you to shit out, a rant or a list. a  great way to do this is to WRITE ANYTHING YOU GOT OUT

Here you can see I’ve put all of the thoughts I have about the question into a list, slapped some standard “opening” and “closing” shit around it so I can FUCKING FIND IT AGAIN and given it a good hard look. Whats the common thread in all of my opinions? That the prompt is fucking stupid and makes no sense is asking 2 different questions. Congratulations: you found your thesis. This essay, like many of my essays, bears the thesis “this is a weird question to be asking” (which falls under my broader category of “bitches aint shit” essays.)

Congratulations you have the bare bones of your skeleton.

  4.    MATH THE SECOND

 The magic number returns. All hail our glorious leader. 1250 right?

So heres how I break this down. Break off a small chunk at the beginning. For this essay im gonna split off the 250. Split that baby in half. Congratulations, now you have a word count on your opening and closing. Personally, I know I like a lil extra space at the end to get all ranty, so Imma split this puppy up 100 for my opening and 150 for the closing. WARNING: You will think that you will be able to write enough in your opening and closing to take up lots of space. You will feel the urge to give them both the same amount of words that you give your points. This is misguided and foolish. Not only will you 1) not be able to do it but 2) even if you did, that’s like getting a sandwich which is all bread. No one wants that. Don’t be that dude. Fight the urge.

 RIGHT SO. We’re still left on the other 1000 words.

If you have an idea that like, is bigger than the others, go ahead and give that puppy more of the word count than the others, fractions are your friend here and you wanna think about how much of your final product each of these babies will be. If you, like me, are an utter buffoon with no clue what youre doing, open your calculator up. Divide the remaining word count by the number of points you have. Congratulations. Youre doing the essaying.

If this is enough to get you started, GREAT! See you at step seven. BEFORE YOU GO I would like to give you this tip

5.    CITE YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU ADD IT IN.

It doesn’t need to be a full citation, just literally a footnote with something that will help you remember where its from and for the love of god WHAT PAGE IT IS ON. The you of 3 hours from now will thank you.

  6.    Filling in the skeleton

 I don’t know about you, but I cant exactly riff off of a single sentence. Like, I know what the VIBE of my point is, but like, I cant pull it out of a hat. The name of the game here is whittling down your arguments into thinner and thinner chunks that are easier and easier to bullshit. This is how you avoid that “burning building found in flames during Brooklyn fire” bullshit that memes. You don’t wanna meme. You wanna pass. So, figure out what the things you are gonna say and in each bit, keep track of how many words you are gonna write. EITHER

a)      You put how many words you think you can write on any point beside the point as you go and just keep developing points and shuffling word counts around until it matches the total for that section

or

b)     You evenly breakup the word count between all the points and keep breaking them down until you look at a subject and a word count and go “yeah that’s doable. I can do that.”

I prefer the second so LEGGO.

Ta-Da!

7.    Write ‘er up

Ahhh glad to see we’re all back together again. Try-hards who can ACTUALLY bullshit papers, glad to see you’ve rejoined us! This is the part where you take all that shit you’ve broken up into nice little chunks and you turn it into something worth reading. You can do it. I believe in you. Try and keep your citations in place.

I like to do this as a question answer thingy, like an exam, so halfway through writing mine is gonna look like this

 The handy part about the numbers is that it gives you a frame of reference for how your bullshit is going. Realized you had a lot more to say here than you thought? Dope! Less bullshit somewhere else, take it out of a weaker point. This point didn’t give as much as you thought it would? Split the difference elsewhere! This way you have checkpoints and you can see how your essay is going

And then you can go ahead and delete your skeleton work. Its time. Its served you well. For extra drama, whisper menacing nothings to it as you send it into the darkness. Personal favourites include “no one will mourn you,” “your fate belongs to me,” and “so this is what you have come to”

  8.    Citations

Theres like a million ways out there to find out how to do your citations and its gonna depend on what kind of a paper you are writing. I use Chicago most of the time, including here. My advice? Use a site like, bib.me or something to do your bibliography, and then plaster that in the bottom of your document. Use that as the building blocks to do your footnotes. Let Purdue Owl be your guide. Purdue Owl Style Guide Is A Mighty Friend Indeed.

 Also your welcome for that, “putting the page numbers in as you put the info in” shit. That took me alarmingly long to figure out. It’s a wonder theyre giving me a degree.

  9.    Proofread that shit, ya bougie bitch.

If you wanna be time effective, getting a friend to proofread while you do your citations is a great way to go. If you have a few days, put your paper away and come back to it. If you are out of friends and time then https://www.paperrater.com/ is your last hope.

  10.       Slap a title page on that shit and GET IT SUBMITTED

 No joke, I have been using the same template for a coverpage all through highschool and my undergrad. There is only one title page and every time I write an essay I take the title page from the last paper I wrote. There is no beginning. Only title page. Title? Topic of paper: point of paper. For example, If I had to title this screed I’d call it Essay Writing: An exploration of mediocrity. slap the date and your name and the course and instructor on there and BAM. YA DONE.

 Anyway submit that shit an go to bed youre done goodnight

EPILOGUE

I’ve gotten this essay back, and when I wrote it, I was barely a human being. Barely capable of human speech let alone a coherent argument. I would forget the end of the sentence by the time I typed out the beginning. But I still for a 70%! is it the best mark I’ve ever gotten? no! but it is a hell of a lot better than the 0% I would have gotten if i hadnt done this. I get it. And i hope this helps. 

[tomeandflickcorner]

Episode Review- The Real Ghostbusters: Chicken, He Clucked

So…. could this episode be considered a PG version of Doctor Faustus?  Or am I just giving the writers too much credit?

In this episode, they jump right into it by introducing the viewing audience to a man called Cubby (not sure if that was just a nickname or if his parents were that cruel).  As bad luck would have it, his apartment is located next door to a section of the city that’s dominated by a bunch of chicken restaurants and food stalls. Which doesn’t make much sense, in hindsight.  You wouldn’t have a Kentucky Fried Chicken, a Popeye’s and a Chick-fil-A located on the same block.  I imagine the competition would lead to at least one of those particular restaurants closing down.  Anyway, Cubby is quickly losing his mind over how he’s constantly smelling chicken, as it’s getting to the point where the smell has even attached itself to his clothes. The final straw comes when he retreats to the park to try and clear his head and a random woman remarks that he smells like a chicken.  That single comment makes Cubby snap completely.  And rather than simply stock up on a bunch of Febreeze products, he vows to rid the world of chickens for good.

It then cuts to the New York Public Library, where the Ghostbusters are all checking out some books.  While wearing their work uniforms for some reason.  (Maybe they stopped there after completing a job?)  Peter, being Peter, decides to try hitting on the lady manning the check-out desk.  Though she’s having none of Peter’s flirting, as she seems to only be interested in Egon, who approaches the desk with an impressive armload of books.  (The lady was even wearing a perfume called Essence of Fungus to get his attention.  Wonder if Janine ever considered that.)  Egon remarks that there were three books he couldn’t find of the shelves- Spirit Summoning and Conjurations, Lochmore’s Guide to the Lower Regions and the latest volume of Who’s Who and Want’s That. The Librarian informs him that those three books had already been checked out.  As she announces this, she directs Egon’s attention to Cubby, who is standing nearby reading one of the checked-out books.  After looking at Cubby for a few seconds, Egon pulls out his P.K.E. Meter to determine if Cubby is indeed human.  Which seems like an odd thing to do, but then again, the animators did design Cubby to look particularly unusual, and he seems a bit emaciated.  Egon then approaches Cubby to offer him a warning about the books he’d checked out, as their contents could be extremely dangerous.  However Cubby paid him no mind and simply ran off, ranting about chickens.

We then get a short filler scene of the Ghostbusters back at the Firehouse.  Here, we see the book Peter had been checking out while coming onto the Librarian was actually a pop-up book.  Which makes the claims he made to the Librarian over how well-read he was laughable. Also, Egon is in the middle of puzzling over some complex equation and trying to solve it.  In a surprising turn of events, Slimer floats by and, after studying the chalkboard where Egon had the equation written out, manages to solve it almost instantly.  So apparently, Slimer has been holding out on us and actually has an advanced understanding of math and physics.  Even though Egon, upon glancing at what Slimer wrote, remarks that he misplaced a decimal, that’s wildly impressive.

Of course, we still have to deal with the actual plot of the episode, so the focus then switches back to Cubby, who recites an incantation he found within his library books.  As he finishes the incantation, we see what is going on in the Nether World. Which turns out to resemble an office of some sort, with a demon manning the desk.  (Think Juno’s office from Beetlejuice.)  The Clerk Demon summons another demon called Morganon, informing him that there’s been a Class 5 Summoning and that he’s to see to it.  So Morganon appears before Cubby, telling him that he will grant his wish in exchange for his soul.  Cubby agrees to this, stating that his wish is that all the chickens in the world would disappear forever.  This throws Morganon for a loop, as the request was simply ludicrous, and a complete waste of his demonic abilities.  He attempts to persuade Cubby to wish for something better, but to no avail. Cubby just wants all the chickens to go away.  In the end, Morganon relents, giving Cubby the ability to make anything disappear or reappear at his command.

The next morning, Cubby puts his new power to the test, using it to make all the chickens in the world vanish.  And in the next moment, countless vortexes materialize, sucking up chickens from farms worldwide and teleporting them away.  Cubby even manages to make the two ton plaster chicken statue from P.J.’s Chicken vanish.  Naturally, the disappearance of every single chicken on Earth makes the news, and when the Ghostbusters hear of it, Egon instantly remembers his brief encounter with Cubby at the New York Public Library and adds it all up.  So they return to the library to ask the Librarian if she could give then Cubby’s address.  Which I think might be a violation of the Library Bill of Rights or something, but the Librarian agrees to this, on account of how it’s a favor for Egon.  She also gives him her address as well.  (Lady, you better hope Janine doesn’t find out about this.  I don’t think she’d like this one bit.)

The Ghostbusters soon show up at Cubby’s place to confront the man.  But this ultimately doesn’t go well, as Cubby ends up using his power to send the Ghostbusters to the same dimension he’d sent the chickens.  This leads to a rather nerve-racking scene where the Ghostbusters appear miles above the ground in the alternate dimension.  And because gravity works the same way in this dimension as it does in ours, they all start to plummet downwards.  And unlike the chickens, who they pass by on the way down, they don’t have wings.  So this presents an obvious problem: how are they going to survive this fall?  While Ray suggests rewiring the Proton Packs to provide them with an alternate thrust, Egon calculated that they only had 47 seconds before they hit the ground, and he would need 70 seconds to complete such a rewiring.

Thankfully, one second before impact, the Ghostbusters were all conveniently transported into the Nether World by Morganon.  (Nice timing there).  Morganon, who had previously been aware of the Ghostbusters’ existence, had decided to step in and save them in the hopes that they could help reverse the bargain he’d struck with Cubby.  It turns out that the other demons in the Nether World had heard about it, and now Morganon’s reputation is in shreds.  The Ghostbusters agree to help Morganon out on the condition that he returns them back to New York.  Upon being returned to the Firehouse, they hatch a plan to trick Cubby to bring all the chickens back.  In order to do so, they construct some rather realistic-looking robotic chickens. Which is something that threw me for a loop.  So the Ghostbusters can build robots now?  That’s kinda cool.  

With the robot chickens in tow, the Ghostbusters return to Cubby’s place.  Cubby is stunned to see them, as he was sure he’d made them vanish for good.  The Ghostbusters tell Cubby that they figured out how to come back on their own.  And they even managed to bring back the chickens as well.  To prove their point, they show Cubby the robot chickens they stored in the back of Ecto-1.  Cubby, falling for the trick, tries to make the chickens disappear once again by telling the chickens to ‘go back where you came from.’  However, this statement just made all the real chickens return to Earth once again, much to Cubby’s despair.  And with the chickens back where they belong, Morganon was able to break the contract he made with Cubby and take back his ability to make things disappear and reappear.  Morganon then thanks the Ghostbusters for their assistance before cryptically stating that he’d see one of them again.  While he doesn’t elaborate on this, Egon, Ray and Winston all immediately look over at Peter, clearly speculating that he was the one Morganon was referring to.  Of course, we never really find out if they were right in their suspicion, as Morganon never appears after this episode.

As the episode comes to a close, we see the Ghostbusters have brought Cubby to a psychiatric hospital so he could get the help he needed. Which was probably the best thing they could have done for the guy.  However, it seems Cubby might not be off the hook completely.  When one of the orderlies brings Cubby his dinner, it’s revealed that it’s actually Morganon, deciding to torture Cubby a bit more by bringing him some chicken.

So, does this mean Cubby’s soul is still Morganon’s property? After all, it was stated that Cubby would have to sell his soul in exchange for his request to be granted. Would that have been rendered null and void when Morganon took back Cubby’s power?  Or does the soul bit still stand, considering Cubby actively used the powers he got from Morganon?  I guess that’s open to interpretation.  Either way, it’s a bit of a shame that this is the last we see of Morganon.  Much like the Ghost Umpire from Night Game, he was an interesting character.  Not to mention how they both made cryptic statements suggesting they might encounter the Ghostbusters again, despite it never actually happening within the show. I wonder if there had been plans to have those two return at some point, only to have those plans scrapped for whatever reason.  I guess we’ll never know.

(Click here for more Ghostbusters reviews)

[pepperoniwhirlwind]

🌼~Honesty Hour~🌼 (pt. 2)

     I was asked by @lovelynhiddenkittens to do 150 questions in the honesty hour tag quite a while ago, and only did a third of it. But no longer will this be the case! Midterms are mostly over (the two biggest ones are done at least) so I can focus on more fun things, like answering these questions! Here’s my answers to questions 51-100:

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

     Yes. I have a lot of internalized shame about my body type (petite and curvy) that whenever I see someone super tall or toned I just want to be them. Even if it’s only for a day. I don’t have these wishes so much anymore though. Alex and I have been dating for 5 months (on the 21st of this month) and he loves my body type. Thanks to him, I’m learning to love myself, and learning that I don’t have to be a model to be loved~ 💕

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

     My depression. I feel like it makes me a burden on everyone, and although it’s shaped who I am, has it really changed me for the better? Maybe I’m more understanding and empathetic because of it, but it’s also caused me an inordinate amount of pain, and unnecessary pain for my loved ones.

53. Favorite make-up brand?

     I don’t wear make-up often enough for me to even have a clue.

54. Favorite store?

     What I’m buying changes which store I prefer. If it’s food, I generally hit up Fry’s. If it’s home decor (Which Alex and I needed quite a bit of in recency, given that we just moved into an apartment together a few months ago) I shop at Target. If I need to buy shampoo, face wipes, deodorant, shaving cream, etc. I typically go to Wal-Mart. Does anyone really have just 1 store that they shop at? I know if I bought non-food items at Fry’s I’d go bankrupt. 😂

55. Favorite blog?

     That’s a real tough one. I love all of my Tumblr friend’s blogs. @im-here-cause-im-not-all-there posts a lot of stuff I relate to, same for @theperksofneurodivergency, who always posts great content. Seriously, I could sit here for ages and list off all the people on Tumblr that I follow, but that would be ridiculous. Rest assured that if I follow you, it means I generally like what you post.

56. Favorite color?

     I love darker colors on the cooler end of the color spectrum; mainly green, blue & purple. I even like pastel colors occasionally. Though that’s more likely when I’m being influenced by some of my alters who like lighter colors. Like Honey, who loves pastel colors, and all things sweet really. That’s why sunflowers are her favorite flower. She appreciates all the sunny and cheerful things in life. ☀️ In our inner world, she even has a garden that she tends to regularly, and grows (you guessed it) sunflowers, among other things.

57. Favorite food?

     Oh look, another tough one. Hmm... It really depends what I’m in the mood for. But my boyfriend recently started taking me to Schlotzsky’s, which has a lot of really good sandwiches. Though, I’m always down for some Arby’s. I’m in a rut there, but I don’t care. Their roast beef classic and curly fries are to die for. 😋

58. Last thing you ate?

     Speaking of Arby’s... 😆 I ate there for dinner last night in celebration of passing my proctored exam for my math class. It was worth 75% of my grade, and I wasn’t allowed to have anything (they even confiscated my bottle of water). It took 2 hours and was suuuper stressful. So my BF rewarded me with Arby’s when I passed~ 😄 This is just one of the many reasons why I love him~ 💖

59. First thing you ate this morning?

     It’s the morning right now, and I haven’t eaten yet... 😅 Does the two sips of my boyfriend’s coffee count?... No?... Okay. *sighs* I should go eat now actually, so I can take my morning meds. Thanks for reminding me, Tumblr ask!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

     I got first place in a race once... then immediately quit the track team. 😂 Running just wasn’t for me. I’ve won blue ribbons for art (culinary and painting mostly) before at the 4-H Fair, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in a proper competition that I won. I recently participated in a Drag Show at my college, and even signed my performance (I know ASL, and I hoped it would make me stand out a bit against the competition), but I didn’t win. It was actually a really close call between all the participants, and the host/judge couldn’t decide who the audience cheered louder for, so the lady who’d set up this event had to come up and make the decision. I was one of the first people she decided should leave the stage. So, needless to say, I felt a little embarrassed and defeated afterwards.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

     I never even had detention 😂 ; I was a goody two-shoes growing up. I was always the teacher’s pet, so no, I was never suspended or expelled.

62. Been arrested? For what?

     ⬆️ See the point I made above for your answer. ⬆️ I’d have to cease being a goody two-shoes first before being arrested is even a possibility, so no, my record is squeaky clean... we won’t speak of the songs I’ve illegally downloaded from YouTube though. >-> <-< Don’t tell the po-po about this, or else I’ll be forced to participate in court-ordered rehab for my music addiction. 😂

63. Ever been in love?

     Yes~ 💘 I’m in love right now, with the most supportive and understanding man I’ve ever known~ I shouldn’t have to say who at this point, but I will. It’s my BF, Alex~ ❤️

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss.

     Well, this was back when I lived in Indiana. I had a core group of friends, that all happened to be on the LGBT+ spectrum, so we were practically dripping in rainbow-y goodness. 🌈 Mich, essentially the leader of the group, is trans. While Levi is gay and Laci (she thought she was a lesbian originally, and identified as such for the time that I knew her; I don’t really have contact with any of them anymore) is bi. That just leaves Sasha, who is also bi, and she was my first kiss. Mich, Sasha, I, and others (Levi and Laci weren’t there though) all decided to play spin-the-bottle. Sasha was the first person I landed on, and I still remember her kiss. It was soft, like a cloud, and tasted like strawberries. 🍓 It was a wonderful first kiss, but I definitely prefer kissing Alex the most~ 😍

65. Are you hungry right now?

     Well, considering I just ate a mini donut with my pills... yes, yes I am. 😂 ...Don’t you judge me either! Alex and I bought a bunch of mini donuts for our last D&D gaming sesh at Tyler’s, and there was still a bunch left over, so someone has to eat them, and I didn’t feel like making a proper breakfast. Plus, the one I ate is strawberry flavored, so how could I not eat it? If anyone turns down a strawberry donut, suspect immediately that they are a lizard-person.

66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends?

     What a savage question. No, I do not. I like all of my friends, equally, whether they’re online or offline. I only care if my friends are good people or not; and if they care and respect me as much as I do them. Whether they live nearby or not is of little importance to me. I base my friendships off of their character, their morals; not their place of residence.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

     Well, I don’t have a Twitter, and only really check my Facebook once in a blue moon. So... neither?... What, is that not an option? Fine... I choose Facebook... I guess.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

     Tumblr.

69. Are you watching TV right now?

     No, I’m currently typing this... I am listening to music though, of course. 😆

70. Names of your best friends?

     Well, Tyler’s the only friend I have IRL that knows me, like, truly knows me. By that, I means she knows about my DID, among other diagnoses, as we’ve talked at length about both of our diagnoses before. Since she has Bipolar disorder, she gets what it’s like to have a “scary” mental illness; the ones that get characterized by media to always be violent and unhinged. She didn’t judge me or fear me, she only asked questions and tried to learn as much about my system as she could, which tells us that she truly cares and understands. I’ve told other people before, but they’re either no longer a part of my life, or were creeped out by my DID, and are choosing to forget that I ever told them in the first place. My Tumblr friends also know about my DID, given that I post about it and mention it in my blog bio, but there’s a certain level of anonymity on the internet that allows for me to be more open about it. Telling someone IRL? Now that’s terrifying. It takes a lot of trust, and given that I have had some bad reactions in the past, it makes it even more daunting.

71. Craving something? What?

     Honestly? A vacuum. And a mop, while I’m at it. I’ve been cleaning for most of the morning, and those are the only cleaning supplies that I need and don’t have. I keep trying to talk Alex into buying them, but he’s not as bothered by dirty floors as I am. He even walks around barefoot on these filthy floors! IDK how! Even if I’m wearing socks it bothers me. I don’t like stepping on anything, and the only way I don’t feel what’s on the ground is if I’m wearing shoes. So... I basically never take off my shoes except for when I’m in bed. 😂

72. What color are your towels?

     What a weird question. 😆 Before I moved in with Alex, I lived with my parents, and we didn’t have a standard color of towel. We had an assortment of colors from multiple old sets of towels, a lot of them raggedy, some of them bleached, most of them ancient. Then when I started living with Alex, we still have some towels of differing colors, but most of them are blue and soft~ ✨ The sheets and pillow cases are blue too, though a lighter shade.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

     Not anymore. I used to when I was younger though. When I was a kid my stuffed animals felt like my children. I would rotate which ones got to sleep with me each night, hug and kiss them all goodnight then tuck them in. If one of them fell out of my arms in the middle of the night, it would wake me up immediately. Not even a slow, groggy wake-up. It was like my motherly instinct was an alarm clock, so I would wake up instantly and be wide awake, frantically searching for the stuffed animal that fell out of my arms. I would then pick them up, dust them off and apologize, then snuggle them and drift off back to sleep. When I was a teenager, I mostly cuddled them when I was lonely and needed some companionship to fall asleep. Now that I snuggle and sleep with my boyfriend each night, I no longer sleep with my stuffed animals, but I still love them and keep them as decoration for my bed at my parent’s house, since I never really sleep there anymore. I nap there occasionally, but that’s about it.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

     Uhhh... I’ve never actually counted, but at least a tub full.

75. Favorite animal?

     Elephants and foxes, equally~ 💖

76. What color is your underwear?

     I’m wearing black panties at the moment. It’s satiny with lace, so it’s cute and comfy; the best of both worlds. 😉

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

     Definitely chocolate, 🍫 provided it’s not too rich.

78. Favorite ice cream flavor?

     I’m obsessed with matcha green tea ice cream right now, OMG, it’s sooo good~ 😋 Same goes for the matcha green tea frappuccino at Starbucks. It’s the only drink there that I actually get. I’ve tried other beverages they have, and generally don’t like them, but the matcha green tea frap is too delicious for it’s own good.

79. What color shirt are you wearing?

     I’m actually wearing a really comfy dress right now, that I slept in as a nightgown last night. 😆 It’s gray and has a lace band on each sleeve.

80. What color pants?

     ⬆️ Once again, reference my previous entry. ⬆️ I am pantless, given that I’m sporting a dress at the moment.

81. Favorite TV show?

     Oh geez... another hard one. Let’s see... I’ll just put the name of the show I’m watching the most right now. That would have to be “Crazy Ex Girlfriend” on Netflix. Before that I watched the newest seasons of “BoJack Horseman” as well as “Orange Is the New Black��, but I’ve already finished those.

82. Favorite movie?

     Honestly, I’ve been really obsessed with “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” recently. When I re-watched it as an adult, I noticed how much more serious that movie is compared to Disney’s other films. They cover some pretty dark subject matter, and do it well... *sighs* if only they’d nixed the addition of the gargoyles. They ruin every emotional or tense scene that they’re placed in, and make the lighter scenes just plain cringey. I know they wanted to make it suitable for kids, but I think Disney underestimates what kids can handle, especially considering they reference the darker scenes subtly enough so as to keep the movie’s G rating intact. Like what about the goat, Djali, that belongs to Esmeralda? The goat could have been the comic relief, but instead they brought in the talking gargoyles. They couldn’t even do something cool with the gargoyles, like make them a part of Quasi’s imagination. He’s been alone in a bell tower for his entire life, so it would make sense that he would begin talking to the statues and giving them personalities... but no... it’s shown at the end that the gargoyles can interact with and impact the real world, making them a part of it as well.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

     Well, considering I’ve only ever seen the first one, and didn’t even know there was a second one, I’m gonna have to go with “Mean Girls”.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

     I’ve never seen “21 Jump Street”, so once again, “Mean Girls” takes the cake.

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls?

     Oh, that’s hard, especially when they’re all such fun characters. Janis is pretty cool, so she’s up there, but Karen is probably my favorite. She’s such a simple, naive soul, you can’t help but love her.

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?

     Dory, hands down. But I wanna give a special shout-out to Bubbles, the character from the fish tank that, (you guessed it) is obsessed with bubbles. 😆 He cracks me up every time.

87. First person you talked to today?

     Alex. Considering we both wake up in the same bed, it would be nearly impossible for him not to be the one I talk to first thing in the morning.

88. Last person you talked to today?

     Once again, Alex, given that it’s still early in the day and I haven’t seen anybody else yet.

89. Name a person you hate?

     All of my abusers. Every. Single. One. They made me feel small, worthless, and unloved. So I hope each one of them feels that way for the rest of their miserable existences.

90. Name a person you love?

     My boyfriend, Alex~ He’s my world, my hopes and dreams, and everything I aspire to be~ 💖

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

     No. I want to punch all of my abusers in the balls. With a baseball bat. Repeatedly, until they’re infertile.

92. In a fight with someone?

     No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

     Only one. I want to buy more, but that requires that I have money, which I don’t.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

     I have my Nirvana sweatshirt, my “Nightmare Before Christmas” sweatshirt, and two hoodies with my college logo on them. One’s gray and the other is red.

95. Last movie you watched?

     “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”.

96. Favorite actress?

     I have no idea. So I’m gonna go find a list of the top 100 actresses and go from there. *some time passes* So, I found an actress I actually know, and that’s Krysten Ritter, who played Jessica Jones on Netflix’s hit series named (you guessed it again! Wow, you’re really good at this.) “Jessica Jones”.

97. Favorite actor?

     That’s a tie between Robin Williams (I really miss him... He was such a vibrant and energetic actor, who also knew how to portray more serious, and heart-felt scenes. He was a skilled actor and a good man. May he rest in peace.) and Tom Hanks. I like quite a few films starring those actors.

98. Do you tan a lot?

     Never.

99. Have any pets?

     No... 😭 RIP Batman and Robin (my previous pet hermit crabs).

100. How are you feeling?

     Productive! I practically cleaned the whole apartment in like 2 hours this morning, and just finished another third of this ask! I’m on a roll, and intend to do homework in a minute. For now though, I’d like to thank everyone who read through to the end, as well as thank @lovelynhiddenkittens for sending the ask in the first place! Sorry it’s taking so much time to finish it, but I’m over halfway done now! Whoo~! 🎉 *sets off a confetti popper and basks in the confetti shower* Anyways, take care everyone! I hope you all have a fantastic rest of your day (or night, wherever you are, just have a wonderful time!) See ya ‘round the bend~! 👋

*grabs a broom and begins sweeping up the confetti, muttering to myself* Why do I do this? Every time, I know I’m gonna have to clean it, but I do it anyway...

[digigal-transbian]

Better to?

Is it better to be alive and constantly miserable? Or dead and know peace?

If I fail a class this semester, there is an extremely high likelihood that i will be pulled out of college for financial reasons. If that happens I've been told I will have no choices, my life will be ultimately destroyed. The only job I'd be able to get is a minimum wage, soul crushing mindless existence. I'd never be able to afford a second chance at college. I'd never be able to survive on minimum wage, I'd have to get two jobs and even then I'd barely make ends meet.

And that's if I was able to get a second job. I'd never know love because I'd be too busy trying just to survive and after that too tired to function. 2 full time jobs is not exactly free to have feelings like love. And with who I am, finding someone would be a damn miracle and god has already proven he shall have no mercy on me.

And the gods know I'd never have a lucky break with writing or art, if I even had the time or energy to put into either of them.

Every check just going to not being dead for another week, stuck in a job or if I'm lucky, 2, that I hate, barely making ends meet, all because when I was 19 I got cocky and ended up failing Precal or was forgetful and failed English because if it.

To be able to say, "I was young, dumb, sure of myself, and because of it I've amounted to nothing, never known love, was never able to have a family, and lived a fate comparable to hell on earth."

I've been religiously told this for the last 6 months by my parents. And 6 months is lowballing it.

My biggest fear is dying alone. My second biggest fear to be forgotten. If I fail both are going to happen. I'm going to die alone in a house that is barely holding together without a soul to remember me.

I'll be forgotten within a week of my death, if not, a month at most. Nothing I've ever done will have mattered, ultimately I was just a waste of the universes time, even if I did make a couple peoples days just a little bit brighter.

Is it better to live and be miserable with no hope, or to die and be done with it?

At this point it's basically pass or die. A 70 on my math final to pass and have to retake because of how it is with my major, an 85 on it to never take that class again, and with English I've done what I can and at this point all I can do is hope.

And don't any of you dare call me selfish for this. To call suicidal people selfish is selfish itself. You're only concerned about the impact that persons death would have on you or their family, worry about the person who wants to kill themselves because they are in pain or see no other option.

And never call me selfish. I've made every choice for somebody else. Choice in college was because if years of "if you go to clemson you'll make your grandfather proud." And he's the actual kindest person I've ever met of course I dont want to let him down, I couldn't get there on my highschool GPA or ACTs so I found some backass method to get there. CSU has an applied math program that does 4 years there, 2 years at Clemson and you get two degrees for the 6 year period.

My father was all for that for the reason of being able to rub it in my aunts and uncles faces.

This is the same man that punched a brick wall hard enough to let out a blood curdling scream, make the house shake from the punch, and instill the fear of death in a child because a 12 year old didnt do his English homework. Why that 12 year old didnt do their homework? Just didnt want to, so over time did less and less of it.

Which is a legitimately normal thing by the way, 6th graders dont always want to do their homework and of course they are going to lie about it, dont act like his responce was in any way justifiable.

The man to this day still threatens to pin me to a wall and beat the shit out of me if I lie to him again, which wouldnt be as much of an issue if he didn't terrify me to the point of never telling him anything ever again out of fear for my life.

My choice of major was because of him. I wanted to be a doctor for a while but then my mom spent a collective 5 years dying in the hospital, so that dream died. No fault to her she couldn't control it. I then wanted to be a psychiatrist, therapist, that deal. Made the mistake of mentioning it around dad and got told promptly "it's not a real job." 10 year old me gave up on that real quick.

Then it went lawyer for a while because I figured a good paying job will be acceptable, hes always on about money anyways. After months upon like a year or something of "oh it's a lot of school and it's really hard and are you sure about it?" That dream too, was killed.

So the next thing I said was computers. Nothing more, nothing less, and it was finally acceptable. It was the most predicatable answer out of me and the first one to really be approved of. So for years i was content not having my dreams put down, then came college and I put my dreams down for computer engineering, on the track to clemson.

I then changed my major to computer science and over time put some thought into my actual interests.

Astronomy, the language of the stars. Physics, the language of the universe. Linguistics, the study of language. Writing, where you can be a god of your own little world. Geology, because rocks are just cool yo. Intetior Design, every time dad drags me to work with him I sit around and mentally start designing each room. And at the bottom of the list, Computer Science.

And the final mistake made in this whole college thing, I applied to only 1 college and to 0 scholarships. The scholarships I got are state ones, and I was told to keep a 3.0 GPA, which if you've ever seen one of my report cards you know how bad of an idea relying on that is. You have to have no idea what any of my report cards have ever looked like to think for a minute that trusting I will keep a B average for 6 years with no problems at all is even slightly a good idea.

So when my grades came in first semester, the night of December 13 I was legitimately shaking in fear for my life. December 23 when my parents found my grades out they gave me a 2~3 hour scream and then since then all my tech, aside from my phone and laptop, has been sitting in a tote box in my closet.

April they see my grades again and since then I havent been allowed to even have my door closed, and was strongly told that if I'm caught reading anything that isnt for school they'd burn it.

I could have probably avoided half of this if I was just a little more selfish, but I made every choice for someone else. If I was just a little more selfish I would be in a college half the price of CSU in a major that wouldnt be my last choice. Were I just a little more self centered, I wouldn't fear my father killing me over my grades.

Maybe I'm so destructively selfless because every moment that was supposed to have been about me quickly became about someone else. High school graduation after the fact during the pictures I got pushed to the side so my cousins could have a picture of just them, when there literally were three other walls and outside that they could have done that. Have you ever taken a picture outside at night? It's got a beautiful magic about it, and the lights were on dont even try to say "oh it's too dark", also cameras tend to have a flash so that's no excuse to push ME out of the way on MY graduation day. Kinda a big deal to me because when you look at my extended family I am among the few that have graduated high school, like half of them haven't even done that.

My graduation party the next day, I was given my gifts and then ignored most of the rest of the time. I was there for about 6~7 hours, and relevant for about 15 minutes. My college acceptance letter was opened and read by my parents before I even woke up. In fact, they woke me up by yelling at me from the kitchen to get in there. I walk in there, they're at the table smiling like idiots that just won the Nobel prize, and they hand me an open letter and tell me to read.

And my birthdays result in me being relevant for ten minutes of the hour at the pizza hut, and most of that is being asked about school and grades. The rest of the time is my parents and grandparents bitching about my drug addict unfit parent cousins. Like, my birthday is supposed to be about me, not them. And I am more than just school and grades, you would not believe how long it took me to realize that.

I have one bit of advice for anyone that might need it. Live your life for yourself for your reasons and never let somebody else live through you.

[thathopelessromantic]

The Things We Don’t Understand

Fandom: Homestuck Pairing: John Egbert x Dave Strider  Raiting: T+ Note: AU,  In honor of 4/13, I don’t have time to write anything new until the end of the semester but I haven’t posted all of my hs on my tumblr yet so here you go

Your name is Dave Strider and there are very few things in this world that you don’t understand. Unfortunately for you, one of those things happens to be your very best friend-John Egbert. Like you, John is an enigma. Unlike you, who seems to baffle everyone you interact with save for John and your siblings, the only person who seems baffled by John is well…you.

Otherwise known as, in which the title and summary both make this story sound way more serious that it actually is or ever was supposed to be.

AO3: (x)

--> Your name is Dave Strider and there are very few things in this world that you don’t understand. Unfortunately for you, one of those things happens to be your very best friend-John Egbert. Like you, John is an enigma. Unlike you, who seems to baffle everyone you interact with save for John and your siblings, the only person who seems baffled by John is well…you.

It wasn’t as if you completely lacked any type of understanding of your best bro. It’s just that after all these years of friendship there were some aspects of John Egdork that you still could not fully comprehend.

You understand John’s likes and interests. You don’t quite know why they’re John’s interests but you know them and have come to appreciate the part of John they represent. You know that at least 70% of the time, John has poor character judgement and tries to befriend all sorts of whack-jobs. You know what John likes about and values of himself and even more what he doesn’t-though some of his insecurities still seem absolutely nuts to you.

But you can’t seem to understand the boundless amounts of energy the kid seems to have. Or how he almost never allows the smile to falter from his lips. It is frustratingly bizarre how blue his eyes are when you literally wear shades 98% of the time you are with him regardless of conditions or locations and all colors should have been muted by your tinted glasses.

And for the love of God, you could not figure out how someone whose entire life consisted of sitting in front of a gaming system, pranking people, and playing the piano could possess the choicest ass you had ever seen either side of Mississippi but he did. You had a pretty slammin’ hot bod yourself, not to be too vain, but you worked for yours dammit. Strifing took a lot of effort. John though-it was like the fucking Puberty Fairy came and gifted him with perfect…everything and then just got the hell out of dodge.

--> Your name is John Egbert and by this point it is no secret that your best bro has been “subtly” checking you out for the past few weeks. The only question was why. You tried bringing it up with Dave himself but he quickly dismissed it as your imagination and changed the subject.

Part of you was frustrated (sexually mostly) by Dave’s weird actions. Another part was a tiny bit thrilled. Most of your friends and schoolmates were familiar with your constant mantra of “not a homosexual” when you were thirteen. Then the past summer you had to go with some estranged great-uncle you had never heard of before, per your dad’s insistence, to help him out around his place. When you came back for the start of the new school year you were surprised to find Dave in the beginnings of something with a mutual friend you could have sworn was interested in someone else when you left. Strangely you found yourself deeply irritated by their new closeness and after many late-night, long-lasting “feeling jams” (as Dave called them) with one of your good friends Rose, the two of you came to one simple conclusion. You had some very deep homosexual-or at the very least bisexual-feelings towards your best bro and you had been jealous as hell.

You were less jealous now as you and Dave slowly fell back into your old routine and Karkat seemed less and less actually romantically interested in Dave. But recently Dave’s been acting really weird and though you usually can’t see his eyes behind his shades you can feel them on you a lot more than they ever were before.

You’re determined to figure out what’s going on but it’s become pretty obvious you’re going to have to do it all on your own. Dave of course acts like there is nothing going on and the only other one who might have any idea what’s going on is Rose. And you know better than to ask her for help with this kind of stuff.

--> Your name is Dave Strider and unfortunately, you’re at school. It’s your lunch hour which is slightly less painful that the rest of the school day but you still don’t want to be here. When you enter the lunch room you’re not surprised to see John already at the usual table alone. Though his back is to you and you tend to walk rather quietly, it’s like he has a sensor or something and can feel your presence. When you’re about half-way to the table John turns around and meets your eye. His eyes are still an unsettling bright shade of blue and when he sees that it’s you he smiles like you just made his day. You’re a Strider and Strider hearts don’t flutter especially at dorky buck-toothed smiles, but they just might skip a beat or two when caught off guard.

“Hey Dave!” John greets you like you hadn’t just seen each other two class periods ago but you can’t ever seem to be even a little bothered by his unbridled enthusiasm.

“Sup?” You give your usual greeting and slide onto the seat next to him.

“How was history?” John asks. It’s one of the few classes the two of you don’t share. You give a noncommittal shrug. You slept through most of it and John knows that but he always asks anyways. Before John can ask you anything else the table starts to fill with your other friends and John turns to greet them. Part of you wants to grab John and make him turn his attention back to you but you resign from doing something quite so embarrassing and sit there in silence, nodding hello to those who greet you as they sit down. John scoots his chair closer to you to make more room for whoever is sitting on the other side of him and you tense. The two of you are in completely different chairs but you can feel John’s entire thigh flush against your own and before you can even think about moving away from him before you do something stupid Terezi shoves a chair between you and Karkat, who’s arrival you’re not sure how you missed, leaving you absolutely nowhere to go. When you look up Rose is watching you and smiling like this was all part of her evil plan and everything is going just swimmingly. Sometimes you really hate your twin. When John finishes his greetings and whatever brief conversation he was having with Jade, he turns back around to look at you.

“Dave, are you cold?” John asks like he cannot believe how someone could be cold in the middle of April. Well it’s not your fault you’re originally from Texas and this damn school thinks it’s a good idea to blast the AC from the beginning of March to the end of the school year regardless of the temperature outside. Honestly you can feel your body heating up under John’s scrutiny and from how close he is to you but you’re not surprised that he’s asking with his leg pressed against yours. That boy is like a goddamn space heater.

“It’s fucking freezing in here, Egbert, of course I’m cold.” You complain, shifting in your seat. Somehow you manage to press your leg even closer to his and you try not to let your surprise show through on your face. John gives you a once over, taking in your skinny jeans and sweat shirt. He’s already changed out his jeans and sweaters for shorts and t-shirts and it’s not even to the sixties yet. You so don’t get this kid.

--> Your name is John Egbert and you might just be being a little bit mean now.

You hadn’t intended to spend your last three classes of the day purposely trying to get a rise out of Dave but that’s how it was turning out. You were blaming the behavior on what happened at lunch. You and Dave were best bros, there were lots of times when there was some totally platonic, full-on physical contact and yet you had never noticed him tense up like he did today at lunch. Normally Dave was totally cool and collected but for some reason today he got very easily flustered. He even stuttered a few times which he only ever did when he was super embarrassed or nervous. Honestly you found it kind of adorable but considering Dave would probably want to kick your ass if he heard that you never said anything about it.

But now it’s last hour, math class, and though Dave is in the seat in front of you, you can tell he’s embarrassed. First of all he’s blushing. All the way to the tips of his ears, which really is the only reason you can tell. He’s also tense, sitting a little more forward in his seat than he normally would. And lastly he still hasn’t responded to your note.  The two of you had been passing notes for the better half of the class you last passed one to him nearly ten minutes ago and still haven’t received a response.

You were a little worried you had taken it too far. You knew Dave wasn’t entirely heterosexual, though he had never claimed a specific sexuality, but he didn’t know you were anything but just that. You didn’t want him to think you were just making fun of him. Good-natured teasing was one thing but it was just wrong if you actually hurt or bothered Dave. You also thought that maybe you were reading things wrong. Just because you wanted Dave to be interested in you didn’t mean he actually was and you’d rather pine from afar than screw up your friendship with your best bro.

The little paper square you and Dave had been passing notes on hits you square on the nose. Dave must have thrown in back while you were lost in thought. Trying not to be too obvious about it you unfold the paper a little too eagerly. The two of you had been discussing you hanging out at Dave’s over the weekend. It wasn’t an odd conversation; most weekends were spent together at your place or his. Discussing it seemed more like a formality than anything. You quickly scanned over the page, filled with sloppy blue and red chicken scratch to make sure Dave hadn’t gone back to an earlier point in the conversation and made a new comment. He did that sometimes. He also sometimes started drawing right over his words so that you had to convince him to rewrite whatever he was trying to say somewhere else so you could actually read it. And started random raps along the margins of the page. Everything seemed to be as it was when you sent the note so you finally look down to the bottom of the page where you really want to read. Your last message sticks out in oddly dark letters.

awesome! it’s a date! :)

Dave’s bright red, slightly-neater response is under it. You almost don’t want to look but your desire to read it is stronger.

you bet your ass it is gonna be the best damn date ever ill rock your fucking socks off egbert

You smiled, folding the paper back up and sliding it into your pocket. What were you thinking? This was Dave you were talking about. How could you be worried?

-->Your name is Dave Strider and you’re fairly certain strifing with your brother while avoiding his fucking puppets, Rose’s way too personal questions, and Roxy’s overly-affectionate behavior when she’s intoxicated all together is less taxing than having an extremely attractive, bizarrely happy, painfully straight best friend.

The school bell rang ten minutes ago. It’s Friday. You’re done with school for the week. Your best friend is coming over to spend the weekend with you. You should be excited. Instead you’re…nervous? You try to tell yourself Striders don’t get nervous but you’re really starting to think you are.

John’s walking a few feet ahead of you, chatting with Jade and Rose. He’s not concerned. He’s used to you dragging behind. You kind of think you should pick up the pace and walk with them so that you’re not in the prime position to be starting at his ass but you can’t bring yourself to move any faster. It’s John’s idea of warm outside so he’s in baggy khaki shorts instead of the tight jeans he wore all winter so there shouldn’t even be something remotely interesting about his backside but it’s like the image of John’s toned derriere in that dark denim is seared into your brain and you just can’t help but stare at it now. You consider the fact that you may need psychological help if your obsession with your best bro’s rear-end continues much longer. But you dismiss the thought a moment later. You know what your problem is and going to a professional-or Rose-would just be a waste of everyone’s time because you would all come to the same conclusion you had reached months ago when he came back from his great-uncle’s place tanned and toned and tall and gorgeous.

You have it bad for your best bro and it’s just getting worse as time passes. It doesn’t help that John hasn’t dated anyone, or even really shown interest in anyone, since he broke up with his freaky girlfriend Vriska in sophomore year and he recently has been way more…physical with you. But you have a bad feeling that even if neither of those things were true, you would still be just as far gone.

The three of them reach your beat-up pick-up truck and stop to wait for you. John digs out his car keys from his pocket and turns them over to Jade who would drive his car home. They were next door neighbors and John always gave her rides to school. She always drove his car home when John stays at your place unless it’s a big shindig with the whole group. Rose usually drove your truck home when you went to John’s. You finally catch up with them and all say your goodbyes. Your truck only has a single bench seat in the cab so you, John, and Rose all throw your bags in the bed of the truck and squeeze yourselves into the cab, Rose in the middle of you and John because she’s the smallest. Part of you almost wishes Rose wasn’t with you. The other part of you is glad Rose is there to keep you from doing something stupid before the weekend even starts.

The drive from the school to the house where you and your three siblings live isn’t too long. Upon arrival Rose immediately retreats into her bedroom, requesting not to be disturbed, and you and John claim the couch. If Roxy and Dirk are home, there isn’t a sign of them.

You and John waste no time starting what will most likely be a weekend-long “gaming extravaganza” (John’s dad coined the term back when the two of you were freshman and for some unexplainable reason it stuck) and for the most part you could ignore your usually painfully obvious crush on your best friend. Even with John’s entire side pressing intimately against your own so that you’re not only stealing some of his over abundant body heat but you can also feel every little vibration when he speaks or laughs you can pretend for a while you’re not seriously lusting over the big dweeb.

It has to be close to seven o’clock when Dirk appears, seemingly out of nowhere, to stand in front of the television, blocking specifically your view, and asks if the two of you want pizza for dinner. Normally you’re suspicious of Dirk offering up food like that without any prompting but since he tends to be slightly more behaved whenever guests are over (though with how often John is over you sometimes wonder if he really counts as a guest anymore) you both give him an affirmative and he sticks around just long enough for you to lose the current round and call in the order.

Grumbling about the loss, you pause the game as John gets up to go to the bathroom. As soon as you hear the bathroom door shut Dirk reappears in the living room.

“How’s it goin’, little bro?” He asks casually, leaning against the door frame. Immediately your eyes fly to him. You know that voice. It’s his I-know-something-you-don’t-want-me-to voice.

“Whatever Rose told you is probably bullshit.” You both know your lie is about as lame as they come but for some reason that doesn’t stop you from saying it.

“He is pretty cute.” Dirk continues, as if you had just gushed to him all the details of your sorry little crush. “Shame he isn’t wearing those nice jeans anymore. Those dark wash ones with the ripped knee, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a pair of pants cup an ass quite as nicely as those ones did save for those shorts his cousin wears.” Jake English, the only “cousin” Dirk could be talking about wasn’t really John’s cousin. He was Jade’s. But considering John and Jade were practically raised like siblings it made sense that John counted him as family. You hoped Dirk was planning to stop there but of course, probably just to torment you some more, he keeps talking. You look around the room, trying to ignore your brother. For once one of his damn creepy plush dolls isn’t hanging around. Unfortunately for you since if there had been one you would have promptly used it to smother yourself so that you no longer had to listen to your brother compliment your crush’s finer assets.

Suddenly you notice water running and realize John is almost done in the bathroom. Dirk is still rambling about his something-or-another. Your reaction? Throw the nearest thing at Dirk. It’s an empty cup and even if he hadn’t moved when you threw it, it wouldn’t have reached him but it got you the desired effect of him leaving so that didn’t matter at the moment.

John returns a moment later and smiles at you, reclaiming his seat at your side. Wordless the two of you start up the game once again. You only get through one round when the doorbell rings. You pause the game. From your position on the couch, or more accurately on the floor in front of the couch, you can only see half of your brother’s back and a small portion of the front door.

“Pizza delivery to the Strider-Lalonde Residence.” You and John can’t see the speaker but there’s no mistaking the accented voice hidden from view. The pizza delivery guy is Jake English. No wonder your brother was so willing to order you pizza. It isn’t really a secret to anyone that Dirk has a thing for Jake. Well you weren’t so sure if Jake had caught on quite yet but you at least knew your brother was as hopeless crushing on Jake as you were on John.

You and John exchange looks. One way or another, you were most definitely going to use this against Dirk.

Once Dirk keeps Jake way over the normal amount of time it would take for a simple pizza delivery, he drops off the larger of the two pizza boxes to you and John and stalks out of the room. Not wasting time with formalities or other needless things like plates the two of you dig in. You both get through about two and half pieces before disaster strikes.

You’re absorbed in the act of devouring your third slice of pizza when John swears next to you. You turn your head to see what happened. Somehow he had managed to drop his pizza into his lap, smearing sauce and grease all across the front of his shorts.

Your first reaction is to think nothing of it. Then John stands up, dropping the half-eaten slice onto the box and you can feel yourself stop breathing. You’re not quite sure if John realizes what he’s doing but there’s a hunk of half chewed dough and cheese stuck in your throat, effectively stopping any type of noise or warning from escaping as John unbuttons his shorts and wiggles out of them. In the middle of the living room. Right in front of you.

You are currently eye level with bright blue boxer-brief covered junk of your best friend and you honestly think your brain is starting to shut down.

“I’m going to go put some soap on this before it stains.” John announces like this is the most normal thing in the world and walks out of the room.

-->Your name is John Egbert and OOPS.

You are currently in the Strider-Lalonde residence laundry room trying not to panic. You don’t know what you were thinking, just stripping in the middle of the living room like that other than that you weren’t thinking. There was most definitely such a thing as “too comfortable” with someone or somewhere. Sure this wasn’t the first time Dave had seen you in your underwear but who just strips in the middle of their best friend’s living room? And you hadn’t even thought about your positions. Maybe if you hadn’t glanced down at Dave while you were in the living room it wouldn’t have occurred to you but you did and now you can’t seem to get the image of your best bro’s flushed face level with your crotch out of your mind.

You want to crawl in a hole and hide until, hopefully, Dave forgets the entire incident. Or drown yourself in the rinse cycle of the washing machine. Both sound like entirely reasonable options.

The door to the basement opens and you turn, horrified, to find Dirk climbing up the stairs. The older Strider takes one look at you, puts the pizza box he was carrying on the edge of the trash can, and promptly turns around and walks back downstairs. You feel your cheeks grow even hotter. Wonderful. Now exactly half of the household has seen you without pants on.

Grumbling and cursing to yourself for your own stupidity you start searching for stain remover.

Not a full minute passes before you hear a surprised, distinctly feminine “Oh.” from the doorway. You turn, but you’re pretty sure you already know who’s there.

Sure enough, Rose is standing, half in the hallway half in the laundry room, with a laundry basket cradled against her hip. Well shit. Might as well call Roxy down to the laundry room just to make sure she’s not feeling left out.

“This is an interesting new look for you John.” Rose finally breaks the silence, stepping fully into the room and giving you a small, knowing smile as if she’s already figured out exactly what happened.

Instead of acknowledging her comment you look back at the cluttered shelf above the washer and dryer with a small noise of complaint. “Do you have any stain remover?”

Taking pity on you, Rose puts down her basket and pushes around some bottles until she finds a dark blue one that proclaims ‘STAIN REMOVER’ in big white letters. You lamely offer to help but Rose brushes your offer off and very efficiently preps your shorts to be washed.

“I can put them in the next white load.” Rose says simply, laying them out over the top of the dryer and returning to her basket to bring it closer to the washer. “They’ll be clean and wearable before you leave tomorrow.”

“Thank you Rose you’re a life saver.” You sort of want to hug Rose but decide against it. It’s already a little weird hugging Rose; you don’t need to make things any more awkward trying to hug her without pants on.

You fidget around the laundry room a little longer, mostly because you’re a little scared to go back to the living room, but Rose eventually kicks you out with the threat that if you stay any longer she’s going to make you sort through the laundry to find her and Roxy’s “delicates.” Rose is great and admittedly you had a bit of a crush on Roxy when you were growing up but you really do not need to know either girl that intimately.

Before returning to the living room you stop in Dave’s room. The fourth drawer in his dresser is filled with your clothing, for impromptu sleepovers such as this one. You pull on a pair of pajama pants and go back downstairs.

Dave hasn’t touched the pizza since you left. The game the two of you had been playing before is still open to the paused menu screen. Dave doesn’t appear to have moved, even slightly, from the positon he was in when you fled the living room earlier. Nervously you run your hands through your hair a few times and adjust your glasses. When you move to return to your seat besides Dave you try to act as if everything is perfectly normal.

“Sorry about that.” You open, dropping back onto the floor and crossing your legs. “Didn’t want it to stain…new shorts and all that…”

At first it doesn’t seem like Dave even heard you then suddenly he nods, almost like snapping back to his senses and acknowledging you all at once.

“Right. Dadbert would’ve gotten mad. Wouldn’t want that.”  Dave gives you a quick, signature, Strider smirk and just like that, things are back to normal.

-->Your name is Dave Strider and you’re still not sure how you managed to act normal after John’s little strip-show in the living room. Somehow though, you did it, and the two of you returned to your gaming until around one-thirty in the morning when Dirk showed up and shooed you out of the living room, insisting he had “shit it do.”

It didn’t really occur to either of you just how tired you were until you had to trudge up a flight of stairs to your bedroom. You hardly remembered to shut your door behind you as the two of you shuffled inside the dark room and flopped onto your bed. For a while you both just laid there in the quiet darkness. You were almost starting to fall asleep when you heard John start mumbling something about brushing his teeth and trying to sit up. Turning you head to face him you throw an arm over John, effectively stopping him in his tracks and he lies against the bed beside you once again.

“Break the rules once in a while, Egbert.” You mutter, your words partially muffled by the blankets beneath you. “Be all gross and stinky with me for a night and just forget about that.”

Its dark in your room without any lights and your shades still on but you can still see John’s nose wrinkle at the suggestion. But you don’t move your arm from around his waist and John never makes a move to try and leave after that.

You’re starting to fall asleep again when John reaches over and plucks your glasses from your face. Your eyes blink open in surprise, forced to adjust to the change in light all over again. John’s own glasses are still on his face, crooked from being pressed against your mattress and he looks ridiculous with his crooked glasses and messy hair and dreamy smile but he also looks unbelievably adorable in your bed and you kind of really want to kiss him.

“What are you doing Egbert?” You croak instead, reaching up one hand to rub sleepily at your eye. John keeps watching you with his dorky smile and bright eyes.

“Your eyes are pretty Dave. It’s nice to be able to see them once in a while.”

You freeze because on one hand you think you must be imagining things but on the other you are really certain you heard those words come from John. Then suddenly lips are pressed against your own and your eyes are fluttering closed and you’re thinking, oh great you’ve really gone off the deep end now actually acting on your desire to kiss John but it’s not you who started the kiss. At least you’re pretty sure you’re not the one who started it. Even if it was you, the one in charge now seemed to be John. He was the one who was shifting your positions so that your back was pressed against the mattress while you were chest to chest with your best friend, kissing like a couple of teenagers who mostly had no idea what you were doing.

When John breaks the kiss for air he’s all but straddling you in this position. His glasses are even more skewed than they were before. You can tell he’s scared, not sure what your reaction to the kiss is going to be, but he’s trying to smile at you like this is all perfectly normal.

You want to say something to him, anything really, but you can’t seem to find your voice. Instead you pluck his glasses off his nose as well. John squints at you in the dark, not quite sure what to make of that reaction and also because your image is now blurry. John’s about as blind as a bat without his glasses. You’re not sure how long you lie there under John, studying him in the pale light coming through your window. His eyes are still so damn bright they’re practically glowing. You can tell your lack of response is starting to make John nervous and he starts shifting uncomfortably over you. He opens his mouth to say something, and that’s when you strike. Burying your hand in his hair you pull him closer, pressing your lips against his own and shoving your tongue in his mouth before he can say anything. Instead he just moans into your mouth and the sound sends shivers over your entire body.

There were still a lot of things about John you didn’t understand but lying in your bed with his body flush against your own, in that moment it was perfectly okay.

[careycuprisin]

Mudpocalypse, the Sequel: Bighorn 2018 race report

https://youtu.be/_z-igfDoaug

Running a 100-miler is an exercise in narcissism.

Everything is about you — your feelings, your problems, your grit, your triumph, or your defeat. It’s like being Donald Trump, but for a limited time. Most ultrarunners are crazy, but we’re otherwise contributing members of society who care about other people. We would get creeped out if the narcissism of the 100 didn’t end quickly after the race was over.

So as I get day-by-day further out from my Bighorn finish, and as my legs slowly recover and I regain the ability to get in and out of my car without groaning, it’s nice to feel the narcissism of the race slipping away. It’s time for me to do the dishes. It’s time for me to feed the cat. It’s time for me to go to work. Others make demands of me again, like in normal life. It’s a good feeling.

Only one more bit of narcissism is left: this race report.

The start,waving goodbye. I’ll see you at Dry Fork!

I knew from my past attempts at Bighorn that it would suck and that I wouldn’t enjoy it. So I needed as many things to motivate me as possible. Chief among them was that if I finished, I wouldn’t have to come back next year to do it again. But also, I held out the hope that I might be happy. I thought about the two years of Bighorn swag in my closet — t-shirts, socks, windbreakers — that as a DNFer I hadn’t allowed myself to wear, and thought I’d be happy putting that stuff on. I thought about the big belt buckle, a staple of 100-mile races, and how good it would feel to own one of those like most of the people I hang out with in my running club. I thought of all the people who encouraged me and how they’d be happy to see me get this done, and how that would make me happy also.

I started the race determined that nothing that happened in the first half would matter at all, vis-a-vis my happiness at any rate. I would just focus on steady progress, ignore my splits, stay as warm and dry as I could, and remember to eat and drink. No highs or lows. So when the rain started I said “Meh.” When it became obvious that the trail conditions would be exactly as shitty as last year, I said “Meh.” When it started hailing, my answer was “Meh.” There was a brief moment in the climb up to Jaws when I thought about how good my feet were feeling that I slipped a little and felt a little bit happy, but I caught myself quickly and went back to “Meh.”

Arriving at Jaws in the rain I was a bit wet and cold, but nowhere near as bad as last year. I was generating heat and was far from hypothermic. I had been running with a cheap ($4.50 at REI) poncho instead of a jacket as my rain protection, and it had been working beautifully. Although I took a good long time at Jaws to change clothes and to eat and drink, I never considered dropping. After all, once I left that aid station it would be the Second Half of the race, and as such I could allow myself to be Happy. I was lucky enough to be getting the chance for an almost exact do-over of the 2017 conditions at Jaws, and I was doing everything right this time. 

Next, I slayed the bad memories of 2016 where my race basically came apart below Spring Marsh on account of profound exhaustion. My trip from Jaws to Footbridge this year was slow because of mud, but I was feeling steady and moving well, passing a lot of people. I had a brief physical low point just before the aid station because of nausea, but I got into Footbridge suspecting that for the first time at Bighorn I was going to be able to run the rest of the course back to Dayton. I was happily surprised to see Joe C. from the Salomon Run Club crewing for Eric L. in Footbridge, and happy to see Eric run through in the lead of the 52-miler. Go Eric!

As I headed out, I briefly asked an aid-station worker what the cutoff time was at Footbridge, just to get an idea of how far in front of that I was. Here’s what I remember her saying: “Ten a.m. here, and 3 p.m. at Dry Fork, then three more hours to Dayton.”

I was nowhere near the cutoff time in Footbridge. An inconsequential bit of chatter, it seemed.

Several times during my weekend in Wyoming, the question came up of whether Bighorn is worse in the hot years or in the wet years. My own opinion is that both are very bad, without advantage to either one. The heat will kill you in a cardiovascular way, bleeding your energy, making you slow. The mud will kill you in a musculoskeletal way, beating you up, making you slow. There have been no easy years in my three trips to Bighorn, and I have enormous respect for anyone who’s done it in either kind of year. I’m very willing to argue about this with anyone, so hit me up if you disagree. I love to argue.

Back to the action. I managed to get up the Wall in good shape. It’s a brutal climb period, but especially brutal at mile 70 when it’s coated with mud. I got to Bear Camp and just continued rolling - a bit more hiking now than running, but that’s to be expected at that distance.

Another quick aside: I give the award for the Best Mud to the 50-yard section just to the Footbridge side from Bear Camp aid station where the mud was mid-calf deep. It was simply the most spectacular mud on the course. Texture, color, quantity and quality. Anyone has a problem with that, you can take it up with my manager. I don’t want to hear it.

So at this point, I’m moving well (enough), I’m Happy, I’m done with the Wall. What could go wrong? Well, sprained ankles, bear attacks, bees, diarrhea, lightning, chafing… OK, a lot could go wrong, but that’s not what did go wrong.

I kept looking at my watch and thinking about getting to Dry Fork before 3 p.m. As I got slower, it started to grow as an Issue. My sleep-deprived mind slowly became consumed with calculating how many minutes per mile I would have to run in order to get to Dry Fork before the cutoff. And remember how that aid-station person back in Footbridge said that I had three hours after the Dry Fork cutoff of 3 pm to finish? Or, at least, remember that that’s what I heard her say? (She may have said no such thing.) Well, it started to dawn on me that I’d need more than three hours to run from Dry Fork to the finish.

My mind was thinking like this: “It usually takes me just over three hours to run from the start of the race to Dry Fork going uphill, but that’s when I’m trying not to run fast because that’s stupid at the beginning of the race. So now I’ll be going overall downhill (faster), but it’s at mile 80-something (slower), but I’ve got more distance to run along that stupid flat road to Dayton (slower), and I’m no freak like Alberto who will be putting down 9-minute miles on that road after 95 miles (slower), so UNLESS I GET TO DRY FORK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, I’M SCREWED AND I WILL MISS THE CUTOFF AT THE FINISH.”

So here I was, having done so well through this whole race, at a time when I should have been feeling Happy about finally finishing Bighorn and never having to sign up for it again, at a time when I should have been feeling grateful for being able to do this (if not fast than at least respectably well), at a time when the clouds were thinning and the sun was peaking through and I could take off all the wool layers I’d put on at Jaws and revel in the crisp mountain air… Instead I was convinced that I was running too slow, that I had to run FASTER, or it WILL HAVE ALL BEEN FOR NOTHING. No buckle, no celebration, no congratulations, no hundred-mile burger at the Sun, no wearing the Bighorn socks, and the worst thing: having to decide whether to come back for another attempt next year.

Let me tell you that these thoughts made my very Not Happy as soon as they entered my mind. “This is a shitty situation and I would rather not be in it” was how I put it to myself. 

The weather at Dry Fork on the way out reflects my Not Happy feelings on the way in.

Now let me explain why all of this is somewhat funny, if also sad and pathetic. I knew that the overall cutoff time for Bighorn is 34 hours. The race started at 10 a.m. the previous day, so any adult human who could add and subtract would know that 24 hours from the start was 10 a.m. on the second day, and that 34 hours from the start was 10 hours past 10 a.m. on the second day which would be…. 8 pm. The number of hours from the 3 p.m. cutoff at Dry Fork to the cutoff at the end of the race is therefore 5 hours. Even if I scraped out of Dry Fork at the very last second I would have five hours to get to Dayton. Not three. Five whole hours. More than enough time. And I was going to get out of Dry Fork before 3 p.m. so I’d have even more buffer. Missing the cutoff time was never a real danger.

THIS is where a pacer would have been helpful. Someone to do this basic math for me and tell me to chill out and enjoy myself.

If I had not been afflicted with end-of-hundred-mile-brain, I would have noticed things around me and realized my mistake. No one at Dry Fork, when I got there, seemed desperate to get out, as I was. People on the trail were chatting with their pacers and weren’t weeping softly as I felt like doing. “Why are these people not worried about the cutoff?” is what I should have asked myself. Instead, I assumed the worst of them (a weakness of mine) and chalked it up to them not caring. I figured they all knew they would be cut off but because they were probably so earnest and uncompetitive, they didn’t mind. I told myself that they hadn’t chosen to drop because they were stupid and satisfied with merely ‘running it in’ to ‘challenge themselves’ even if everyone in Scott Park would have packed it in and left by the time they got there. “These back-of-the-packers just plod along for vacuous reasons and I despise them because they have no competitive fire and they live for participation trophies. They all suck.” What can I say, I’m a misanthrope and that comes out at the end of 100-mile races, who knew?

The ironic thing is that I was the stupid one; the only person who was wrong about the cutoffs. Also ironically, at the same time that I was showering contempt on my more-functional race-mates, I was the one throwing in the towel. Because I ‘knew’ I wouldn’t finish, I took time to sitting on the side of the trail, contemplating the beauty of the Bighorn Mountains but also feeling sorry for myself. I walked when I could have jogged and jogged when I could have run. 

Even when I got to the Tongue River Road and the last flat 5 miles of the race, I just plodded along, hoping that my wife and dog would have realized that I failed and would have driven out to pick me up in the car. Even when I saw Heidi and Pele, I didn’t notice that they were happy, I was just disappointed that they were there without the car. I kept walking, and walking, surrounded by other runners, feeling Not Happy. It’s hard to believe now, but I got to Dayton and took Pele at the corner of Scott Park and jogged along the fence with people cheering and complementing Pele (“Beautiful dog! Nice pacer!”) and ran around the corner and under the big FINISH banner, and still thought I hadn’t finished. Heidi said she’d go pick up my buckle and I said “Great, if they’ll give one to you.” She came back and handed me a buckle and a finisher’s hoodie, and ONLY THEN did I start to get a little suspicous. “The cutoff time is 8” she said. “Huh,” I said. “Well then, I guess I finished.”

Pup licks! Along the Tongue River Road at mile 98.

Finishing Bighorn with Pele. 

Now that it’s been a few days, the intellectual knowledge that I actually finished Bighorn has finally set in. But the emotional satisfaction hasn’t arrived yet, and I don’t know if it ever will. Emotions aren’t rational after all, and I wonder if spending those final hours of the race feeling that I failed are replaceable by feelings of Happiness and Satisfaction just because my intellectual brain knows I finished.

At any rate, I am happy that I don’t have to sign up for the Bighorn 100 again. I’m still kind of a cranky grump about 100s generally and I’m not excited to ever do another one. However, the Bighorn 18-mile sounds FABULOUS! I think it’d be fun to run from Dry Fork to Dayton down that beautiful huge hill feeling fresh and able to run fast. Or even the 52-miler, a good solid day in the mountains for sure, but nothing too crazy. Getting this 100-mile monkey off my back feels great; like I again have no obligations in mountain running and can pick and choose what I choose to do because it sounds fun. And if it doesn’t sound fun, I can say “Nah.”

These are the same pair of shoes from the starting-line picture above. Now destroyed!

The 100-mile buckle!

[survivedposts]

I am quite shy, Non talkative person, introvert. I prefer to be alone. Most of the time i have a thought, is it all I was born with. Thinking about it I tried my best to recall all memories of childhood. But as usual no one can remember every thing from past. I was having very little memory of my childhood. Then I started gathering my memories from my relative and my parents. Of course secretly, they were not knowing the intention I was asking this details. Now its being almost 1 year analysing myself, I came to conclusion who I am. The personality i am now in and that to my childhood was totally different. Some relatives told me that I was naughty, smart most talkative and many more.... I was actually thinking to belive them or not. Because it was a totally opposite version of mine to that of now. But then i related their comments with whatever memory I was having of my past. And finally the result of this self study was that I was not born with the personality currently I am in.So there was series of incident in my life which made me like that.

I am quite introvert and can't express my feelings to anyone. Rather I fear to tell anyone what happened in my life as they can laugh at me. So I decided to write all my story step by step to express myself atleast on phone. And will continue to write this till I become the next Albert Einstein.

Till 2nd class. My life was quite ordinary like others during this phase of my life. I used to play, enjoy school and all the other stuff too. In this age, i saw my sister beaten by my mom and dad several time as she was very arrogant and stubborn.so i was quite afraid that if I do something wrong I will punished like that. The first fear of my life. But it was ok. I was able to handle it.

Then I shifted when I was in 2nd class. I had a proper school life. I was having Friends in society and school.

I was somewhat physically weak from my childhood so I was the weakest among all my friends. So I was not able to cope with there ability of playing or adventuring(climbing wall and other stuff) . But still I tried my level best. And even my voice is softer. Now all my friend use to tease me that I am like a girl. My voice is like a girl. You don't have strength. They use to call me (un-man). Initially I took it as a joke and let it go. Eventually teasing me got quite increased. I was growing along with that the teasing also increased and now it started commenting on my genitals. During that time my motivation to play with them started reducing. So I started drawing and started developing some other habits.

Some months were quite ok. But one day my Mom said " why are you sitting at home like a girl, go out and play"... That day I was in deeeeeeeep thinking, do I really behave like a girl that everyone is calling me a girl. I mostly noticed that my voice and my body language was not like a boy. Thats why it was quite noticeable by others. As my mom said I should play outside I started playing with them. But they don't stopped teasing me. I was in 5th or in 6th that time. Now at this age they found a new way of teasing me. They were forcefully showing me some nudity images and checking if there any Erection in my penis or not. And actually i was not attracted to such nudity at that age atleast so it was never happening . So now they found another way to tease me. And this was the time when I loose confidence in myself. I never discussed this problem with anyone. I was having fear talking to anyone. I was having fear that anyone will again call me girl after hearing my voice. So this was the 4-5 years journey of my becoming introvert. This is not the end of my story.

After I completed my 6th class we, whole family went shifted again as my DAD was pursuing PHD for 4 years . Actually I was relieved that I will not be tortured by my friends anymore. But the my confidence was as usual very low. The fear that someone will call me girl again was always a load on my heart. With that load I went to Nagpur. I was actually happy. Life was going ok. New school, new friend, New society. Now I was avoiding the people who can tease me. And I was trying to be like a boy which society wants. I never understood if I was weak is it my mistake. If i have soft voice is it my mistake. If I have different hobbies then where am I wrong... It was quite exhausting mentally as well as physical. Before uttering a single word i used to think atleast 100 times. Thinking about, will this word suit to be like a boy or i will be again called girl by my friends.. Some how I was building friends in school as well as in our society. And my 7th class passed OK. But what i noticed that the school I was in was the topp school in which most the students are scoring about 99% and i was an average student around 70-80%(this marks was that to because of science and maths).. Even at home parents use to compare my marks with others marks. Now the load that I have to pretend like a boy was added by another load that I also have to pretend that I am intelligent. Or i would be isolated by all my friends. And this is what happened eventually, i was isolated by other friends. So i was sitting in one corner of my class. But I was Ok with that, they were atleast not teasing me or insulting me.

Now even in our society I made some friends. I played a lot with this friends. Played throw ball, badminton etc. First year was ok. Then even this friend was calling me that you behave like a girl and all that stuff. At this stage I was totally collaped. And even sometimes some relative called me you behave like a girl. (they were telling it casually). But it reduced my morale. I was collaped mentally. I was thinking that I cannot meet anyone further.

In school along with me a pretty girl named aditi also joined the school at same day I joined. In school students actually make pair like girlfriend boyfriend on their own. And there was quite similarities in us, like skin complexion of both were quite matching. We both were fair. Even she was having mole on his face almost exactly at the same place. So all student use to tease us as a life partner. But as i was so demotivated in my life and having tremendous social anxiety that I was avoiding talking to her. Thinking even she will feel that I am Unmam.

The height happened when our class teacher ones punished our entire class to sit in a pair of girl and boy on one bench. As the student will speak less when they will sit like that. And then teacher started calling rollno of one girl and one boy randomly. And guess who was pair of mine......... My pair the the new admission girl Aditi. Now the whole class actually got the reason to tease us. I was actually not having any problem as she was sweet girl. But for the whole 2 years I was not able to gather any guts to talk to any one not even Aditi.

My routine was like going to school and sitting silently. I was not even sharing lunch. All other were eating luch together I used to sit alone. And after reaching home i used to close the door and even windows and sit alone taking book in my hand just pretending i was studying. I was actually in the phase of depression. And the main problem was no one noticed that I am in depression and even I haven't expressed it to anyone. This 2 years was without any motivation. I left all my hobbies like painting, singing, playing and the Hobbie I never known till that time was 'to find the scientific reason behind everything'. Sometime i was so feared that i was having illusion that ceiling will fall on me. I used to stare at the ceiling for whole night due to fear. My heart pumped like nothing. I was almost dead in my imagination. And I passed 10th.

Somehow I survived this depression stage. Now it was the time to go back to my place as my Dad completed his Phd. It was my 11th. I got admission in one of the college near my house. I never tried to talk to any of my friend here i was not having guts to even look at them remembering all the past. Now when I joined college even I was in depression during college. Now what I noticed that I was mentally 2-3 years smaller than everyone in college. As i was in depression for last 2 years I have not watched a single movie or match or anything normal person would do. Now I was again isolated. As I haven't talked to anyone majorly for last 2 years my communications skills was fucked up. And there was some students who were speaking in very good English. And my mind was not able to react to such high grade english.. I was always poor in English. And not communicating for 2 years made me worse.

Now i was seriously getting depressed a lot. I was literally possessed by my thoughts most of the time. The sucied thought started popping up in my mind frequently. I actually started finding ways to sucied. I actually tried some of them. But never gathered guts to complete them. And I am thankful to God that I was not having any easy way like taking poison. Or I won't be alive today to write this.

And one of my classmates named anuj who was a best friend of mine actually Helped me. Even he has gone through the depression phase. I was so relieved to find someone who can atleast understand my situation. Thanks again he was not introvert like me. Or he would never recovered from his depression. And his quality of being extrovert helped me a lot to slowly improve in my condition.

My past is only known to this friend no one else know about it.

He suggested me to write my feeling to feel better. I was writing some stuff on a paper and then tear those so no one can read it. Now after 2 years i thought of writing it again in detail in digital format, so I can refer my past. And also to remind myself nothing bad can happen than this and will help me to motivate myself.

I passed 12th with ok marks. And it was a time to decide the future. I decided to do engineering. In the beginning of 1st year of my engineering I was still analyzing myself. That friend helped to gain positivity in me. Now what I have noticed is because of my height now people don't consider me as unman. But now they call me unmatured. Because I was not good at communicating with people.

There is a very strong reason behind that. I haven't improved any of my skill in the most critical age of my life.

But i was trying to get out of my social anxiety. So I started reading about the anxiety and how to get rid of it. I found so many things about it but was not getting a proper direction to work on. I started doing meditation every morning. After doing meditation the problems of illusion was recovering. But still I was having fear of the world on one side and on other side I feel that no one in the world should be hurt from me... This feeling of no one should hurt from me make me feel guilty every single time. And even I don't have guts to say sorry or apologize for it. So this feelings actually get trapped inside me. Similarly all other emotion get trapped inside me. This emotions escapes from me only when I cry a lot... So i don't know how countless nights i have been crying. If it wasn't enough i would cry during bath. I lost contact with the 11th standard friend as we were not having phone at that time. Now I have no friends.

I actually want to discuss my feelings with someone but can't. To whom I should discuss. I really don't have a good friend to whom I can trust. I am really in a search of friend who can understand me..

I have to express myself. But i have understood that i can only express myself if i am well prepared for taking with people. If i am not prepared and if i fumble then it will again increase my anxiety.

Now I have decided to prepare myself. Thinking on what aspects I have to work. I have found the most important is the social awareness. As i rarely interacted with the society, friends there is huge gap created between them and me. I have no topic to discuss when any discussion is going on. So generally what i found out in friends the general discussion are about movies, matches, games or something like it.... So if I have to communicate efficiently with them I will have to be touch with all movies and entertainment stuff... The second problem I am facing is English. I am generally not able to express my feeling and if I have no words to express it then it becomes worst. I literally become so nervous when someone speaks in English to me. I cant even stand there. My hands and foot become cold. I shiver. All negative thoughts flashes in my mind. So if I have to overcome from this I have to work on my English without fail.

One of my friend Ankeeta reads lots of books. Just while general discussion with her I found that her English was mind-boggling. I gathered all my guts to talk to her about how she was good at english. She said she read lots of book. And one more point I found out from it was we get good knowledge and topics to talk when we read book. So I started reading a book she suggested. The English level of that book was for advanced people. I actually used dictionary after every 5 to 10 words. My interest of reading book was reducing. I was not able to complete even a single chapter. I started searching how to improve English skills. Some of the ideas i liked and was simple to implement. They suggested to start thinking in English. I tried it but it was not that easy to leave mother tongue and think in English. So I decided to summarize my entire day and planning about next day in English. I practiced it for atleast 1 month. I found that, now i was not translating from marathi to English but directly thinking in English. My motivation was building up and also my attitude was becoming positive.

Due to this positive attitude now I was able to find what potential I was having. I am having so many abilities but never looked at it. The most important ability of mine was able to analyse things. Specially related to science field. I found my hobby which was in me from childhood but never noticed it. I was always observing all machines and was imagining how it might be working. I still remember when I was in 3rd or 4th class I was trying to figure out how water cooler machine works. According to that age i imagined it. And now when I am doing my engineering in which I am studying in detail about it. I was shocked i imagined it almost correctly. If I could imaging the stuff which is taught in engineering in 4th class then I am definitely having a good ability to do something good. This thought increased my motivation to 200%.

Even I am working to improve my condition and my motivation has increased. But still in my inner mind there is some sort of fear. Because of this fear, in every situation my brain think of am i behaving like girl,will someone call me girlish again. Even While choosing cloths, same thought don't allow me to select it properly. Really this is super exhausting. I have realised that mind can really make me tired.

Giving opinion about me is different and making fun of it beyond limit actually kill us from inside this is what i have experienced from my experience. I hope this never happens to any one in the world.

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Democrats had a really good night on Tuesday, easily claiming the Virginia and New Jersey gubernatorial races, flipping control of the Washington state Senate and possibly also the Virginia House of Delegates, passing a ballot measure in Maine that will expand Medicaid in the state, winning a variety of mayoral elections around the country, and gaining control of key county executive seats in suburban New York.

They also got pretty much exactly the results you’d expect when opposing a Republican president with a 38 percent approval rating.

That’s not to downplay Democrats’ accomplishments. Democrats’ results were consistent enough, and their margins were large enough, that Tuesday’s elections had a wave-like feel. That includes how they performed in Virginia, where Ralph Northam won by considerably more than polls projected. When almost all the tossup races go a certain way, and when the party winning those tossup races also accomplishes certain things that were thought to be extreme long shots (such as possibly winning the Virginia House of Delegates), it’s almost certainly a reflection of the national environment.

But we didn’t need Tuesday night to prove that the national environment was good for Democrats; there was plenty of evidence for it already. In no particular order of importance:

President Trump’s approval rating is only 37.6 percent.

Democrats lead by approximately 10 points on the generic Congressional ballot.

Republican incumbents are retiring at a rapid pace; there were two retirements (from New Jersey Rep. Frank LoBiondo and Texas Rep. Ted Poe) on Tuesday alone.

Democrats are recruiting astonishing numbers of candidates for Congress.

Democrats have performed well overall in special elections to the U.S. Congress, relative to the partisanship of those districts; they’ve also performed well in special elections to state legislatures.

The opposition party almost always gains ground at midterm elections. This is one of the most durable empirical rules of American politics.

So while Northam’s 9-point margin of victory was a surprise based on the polls, which had projected him to win by roughly 3 points instead1, it was right in line with what you might expect based on these “fundamental” factors. For instance, a simple model we developed based on the generic ballot and state partisanship forecasted a 9-point win for Democrats in Virginia and a 13-point win in New Jersey, pretty much matching their actual results in each state.

To put it another way, Tuesday’s results shouldn’t have exceeded your expectations for Democrats by all that much because you should have had high expectations already. Midterm elections — and usually also off-year and special elections — almost always go well for the opposition party, and they���re going to go especially well when the president has a sub-40 approval rating.

So, does that mean that Democrats are clear favorites to pick up the House next year? No, not necessarily. I’d say they’re favorites, but not particularly heavy ones. Democrats face one major disadvantage, and have one major source of uncertainty.

The uncertainty is time: there’s still a year to go until the midterms. This could cut either way, of course. The political environment often deteriorates for the president’s party during his second year in office, and one can imagine a variety of factors (from attempting to pass an unpopular tax plan to ongoing bombshells in the Russia investigation) that could further worsen conditions for Republicans. One can also imagine a variety of factors that would help the GOP: Democrats overplaying their hand on impeachment; a rally-around-the-flag effect after a war or terror attack; Trump quitting Twitter. (Okay, probably not that last one.) That Trump is so unpopular so soon in his term makes all of this harder to predict because there aren’t any good precedents for a president with such a poor approval rating so early on.

Democrats also face a big disadvantage in the way their voters are distributed across Congressional districts, as a result of both gerrymandering and geographic self-sorting. Although these calculations can vary based on the incumbency advantage and other factors, my back-of-the-envelope math suggests that Democrats would only be about even-money to claim the House even if they won the popular vote for the House by 7 percentage points next year. The Republican ship is built to take on a lot of water, although it would almost certainly capsize if the Democratic advantage in the House popular vote stretched into the double digits, as it stands now in some Congressional preference polls.

Nonetheless, my sense is that the conventional wisdom has, to this point, somewhat underrated the Democrats’ chances of having a wave election next year. And it’s for some fairly stupid (although understandable) reasons.

One is in the tendency to fight the last war. Journalists and pundits are always chastened by the “lessons” of the most recent election, especially if the outcome was surprising to them. And they usually like to argue that the results represented a realignment or a paradigm shift, rather than — as is more often the case — a fluctuation that came about from a combination of cyclical and circumstantial factors that may not replicate themselves again. So they’re often slow to recognize signs that the political climate is shifting in the opposite direction from the supposed realignment, even when they’re really obvious. (Like, say, a Republican winning a Senate seat in Massachusetts only a year after the Democratic president took office.)

Second, the pundit class has a poor understanding of polling, and how it performed in 2016 — and it’s making 2018 punditry worse. As I wrote in our live blog on Tuesday night:

[It’s] been interesting to see how television pundits adapt to the post-2016 environment. Pretty much everyone on Monday morning’s “Morning Joe” panel predicted that Gillespie would win in Virginia despite Northam’s modest lead in the polls, for instance…

[The] segment was a bit worrisome in that it suggests that political pundits and reporters learned the wrong lessons from 2016. Contrary to the conventional wisdom, the polls weren’t that far off last year — they were about as accurate as they’d been in past elections. But they were filtered thru a lens of groupthink that was convinced Trump couldn’t possibly win — and so pundits routinely misinterpreted polls and ignored data showing a competitive race.

It’s healthy to take away the lesson from 2016 that polls are not always right… But that polls aren’t always right doesn’t mean that one’s gut instinct is a better way to forecast elections. On the contrary, the conventional wisdom has usually been much wronger than the polls, so much so that it’s given rise to what I’ve called the First Rule of Polling Errors, which is that polls almost always miss in the opposite direction of what pundits expect. That the “Morning Joe” panel thinks Gillespie will win might be a bullish indicator for Northam, in other words.

If you think numbers like Trump’s 37.6 percent approval rating are “fake news” because polls perpetually underrated Trump before, then the political climate doesn’t look quite as scary for the GOP. However, one needs to be careful about assuming the polling error always runs in the same direction; historically, it’s been just as likely to reverse itself from one election to the next. (For instance, polls lowballed Democrats in 2012 but then did the same to Republicans in 2014.)

Finally, there’s perhaps an unhealthy obsession with the white working-class vote, and its potential to sway the 2018 midterms in favor of Republicans. This could be more of a concern for Democrats in 2020. But the midterm electorate is typically more educated and better off financially than the presidential-year one. Also, most of the pickup opportunities that analysts envision for Democrats are in wealthy or at least middle-class areas. On average, the 61 Republican-held Congressional districts that the Cook Political Report rates as competitive rank in the 65th percentile in educational attainment (as measured by the share of adults with at least a bachelor’s degree) and also the 65th percentile in median household income. Some of them are fairly white, and some aren’t — but almost none are both white and working-class.

Competitive districts are mostly well-off and well-educated

Demographic ranking for the 61 Republican-held Congressional districts that the Cook Political Report rates as competitive

PERCENTILE RANK AMONG ALL 435 CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICTS SEAT▲▼ COOK RATING▲▼ EDUCATION▲▼ INCOME▲▼ NONWHITE▲▼ Georgia 6 Leans Republican 99 92 62 California 45 Leans Republican 97 96 71 New Jersey 11 Leans Republican 96 99 36 Virginia 10 Toss-up 96 100 58 Illinois 6 Leans Republican 95 96 29 New Jersey 7 Leans Republican 95 99 43 Minnesota 3 Leans Republican 94 91 28 Texas 7 Leans Republican 94 80 77 Kansas 3 Leans Republican 93 81 39 Michigan 11 Toss-up 92 88 25 California 48 Toss-up 90 93 66 California 49 Toss-up 88 89 60 Pennsylvania 7 Leans Republican 88 92 18 Texas 32 Leans Republican 88 78 73 Pennsylvania 6 Leans Republican 87 90 19 Illinois 14 Likely Republican 86 94 28 California 39 Leans Republican 85 91 88 Colorado 6 Toss-up 85 85 57 Michigan 8 Leans Republican 82 71 22 Georgia 7 Likely Republican 81 82 76 Nebraska 2 Toss-up 81 66 37 Pennsylvania 8 Leans Republican 81 89 17 Virginia 7 Likely Republican 80 83 50 Minnesota 2 Toss-up 79 88 22 Florida 27 Leans Democratic 78 39 93 Pennsylvania 18 Likely Republican 74 67 2 North Carolina 2 Likely Republican 73 70 51 New York 11 Likely Republican 70 80 61 Virginia 2 Likely Republican 70 72 57 Arizona 2 Toss-up 68 25 58 New York 1 Likely Republican 68 94 33 New Jersey 3 Likely Republican 67 84 33 North Carolina 9 Likely Republican 66 50 60 Ohio 1 Likely Republican 66 49 45 Iowa 3 Leans Republican 64 65 18 Ohio 16 Likely Republican 64 68 3 Kentucky 6 Likely Republican 61 32 21 Montana Likely Republican 59 29 13 Florida 18 Likely Republican 57 47 48 New York 24 Likely Republican 56 51 21 Illinois 13 Likely Republican 55 27 26 Kansas 2 Leans Republican 50 38 19 New York 19 Toss-up 50 57 18 Washington 8 Toss-up 49 65 49 California 50 Likely Republican 47 81 68 Utah 4 Likely Republican 47 76 34 Virginia 5 Likely Republican 46 40 38 California 25 Toss-up 44 84 78 Florida 26 Leans Republican 42 45 95 Iowa 1 Toss-up 42 54 10 North Carolina 13 Likely Republican 41 21 53 New York 22 Leans Republican 37 42 12 New Jersey 2 Toss-up 36 60 52 Pennsylvania 16 Likely Republican 33 52 39 Michigan 7 Likely Republican 31 51 11 Illinois 12 Leans Republican 29 20 31 Maine 2 Leans Republican 24 18 <1 Texas 23 Leans Republican 18 35 91 New Mexico 2 Likely Republican 16 8 83 California 10 Leans Republican 5 58 77 California 21 Likely Republican <1 7 95

Sources: COOK POLITICAL REPORT, AMERICAN COMMUNITY SURVEY

Of course, this logic is somewhat circular: if Democrats aren’t trying to compete for the white working-class vote, outlets like Cook won’t list white working-class districts as being competitive. It’s possible there are some overlooked opportunities, such as in South Carolina’s 5th Congressional district, which Democrats came surprisingly close to winning in a special election earlier this year.

Nonetheless, Democrats have quite a few pathways toward winning the House that rely primarily on middle-class and upper-middle-class suburban districts, plus a few districts with growing nonwhite populations. Many of these are in coastal states or in blue states, including four of them in Virginia, four in New Jersey, four in Illinois, five in New York and eight in California, according to Cook’s list. It might not be advisable for Democrats to only target these sorts of districts; history suggests that parties usually benefit from competing ambitiously in all sorts of districts and seeing where the chips fall. But it’s plausible for them to do so and reclaim the House. Come 2020, though, it will be harder for Democrats to win back the Electoral College without rebounding among the white working-class.

Last thing: while Tuesday’s results may not change the reality of the 2018 outlook all that much, it could change perceptions about it, and that could have some knock-on effects. (Politicians are often like “Morning Joe” panelists in how they think about elections.) Republicans’ retirement issues may get even worse; Democrats’ recruiting may get even better. Republicans might think twice about how they’re proceeding on tax reform — especially given that their current plans could have negative effects on just the sorts of wealthy coastal suburbs where Republicans performed poorly on Tuesday.

And there will be lots of recriminations about the race that Ed Gillespie ran in Virginia, which could change Republicans’ thinking on how they should relate to Trump. Some of this is going to be silly: Gillespie did no worse (and no better) than you’d expect given Trump’s approval rating and Virginia’s blue lean. But if those politicians think Tuesday was a huge game-changing deal, they may begin to act like it and create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[danahmbisyosangdoktora]

HI GUYS!!!! Oh my, it’s been a looooooong while. I actually went through my blog and re-read everything and I’ve noticed that I was always saying how “I don’t know what to and how to do blogging anymore” in most of my previous posts but I PROMISE THIS TIME, I LEGIT DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE OR HOW DO I DO THIS ANYMORE because I haven’t done this for like forever. It felt like I’m starting again!!! Okay sige, I’m not gonna babble more. Let’s just hop right into my post.

Okay, so as what I’ve mentioned on my previous posts, I’ve entered Third Year or the Medtech proper last school year 2016-2017 and that’s (also) the reason why I was gone for a very long time. Idk, I just found myself being swallowed by acads and all that jazz that I never really had the time to write a single blogpost. There’s so much that has happened in my entire Third Year life and I wish I could’ve had written any of’em and immortalize the memories on this blog and hark back to those times... but sadly, I didn’t. Anyway, as you can probably tell on the title, this post would be a “rundown” of my experience as a Third Year Medical Technology student.

(Wait, how do I start?)

We started the school year earlier than the normal students in our university due to the reason that we were trying to chase the schedule for the 1-year internship so everything would fit and we would end just right on time for the graduation (yikes chills) because as you all know, we are one of those pabibo schools who embraced the academic calendar shift. So the clinical subjects I took this year are as follows:

1st Semester

MIC111 – Bacteriology

PAR100 – Clinical Parasitology

GPHC100 – General Pathology, Histopathology and Cytopathology

CC111 – Routine Clinical Chemistry

HEMA111 – Hematology 1

MTLBE100 – Medical Technology Laws and Bioethics

LMS100 – Laboratory Management and Supervision

2nd Semester

MIC112 – Mycology and Virology

UBF100 – Urinalysis and Body Fluids (Clinical Microscopy)

HEMA112 – Hematology 2

SIM100 – Serology and Immunology

CC112 – Continuation of CC1/ Special Chemistry

CC113 – Endocrinology, Toxicology and Drug Testing

IMH100 – Immunohematology (Blood Banking and Transfusion Medicine)

 I can’t believe I already passed all these subjects let alone the first sem subjects!!!! Personally, I think First semester is harder than the Second Semester idk maybe because it’s the time when we were just and still adapting to the new and toxic environment of Third Year life and the transition is quite overwhelming. Also, the passing rate was raised from 60% in Second Year to 70% in Third Year. I CAN’T EVEN!!! Plus the laboratory practical exams had an upgrade to like 5x that of the Second Year pracs. There’s legit a time when I went back to my dorm during lunch break just to cry because of a practical exam and a fair share of tears were shed at nights when I have no idea how to fit and finish everything before the sunrise. Also there’s a day when, for the first time in my life, I called my mom after I got back in my dorm from school and cried for my dear life because EVERYTHING WAS SO HARD.

It’s also during First Semester when I learned how essential it is to know the time difference from night (let’s say 7pm) to 5am the next day and how to utilize it very well because your life literally depends on how you manage and distribute it to sleeping and studying because you know, you’ll only have to read 1-3 chapters per subject and you only have like 3 quizzes the next day for the lecture and probably a practical exam or a long quiz for the laboratory in the afternoon. JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PREPARE FOR THAT IN LESS THAN 10HRS???--- is all I was thinking then. That’s how resentful and pitiful I was back then.

We were taught the laboratory skills we need— Venipuncture (of course! the freaking highlight and a must), Blood Smearing, Staining, Pipetting!! Oh God forbid, I loathe glass pipetting so much! Direct Fecal Smear... and all medtech-y skills. I love Bacteriology so much. It was the subject I got the highest grade during First Semester. The lecture and laboratory were both the bomb.com. But ofc, I wouldn’t forget the anxiety the Unknown has given us. For our finals in the lab, we were given unknown organisms and we were to identify it via Biochemical Testing and everything we were taught of on how to identify such. It took me so long to decide what my organism was because some of the biochemical test results weren’t at par with theoretical information so imagine my anguish. Our grades basically depended on it so... yeah.

 but in the end, I decided it was Enterobacter cloacae.

Another memory from First Semester is the time when we were to submit Enterobius swabs as additional points for our Parasitology laboratory. I took my bestfriend with me to hunt down possible patients. It was such a memorable experience, I have no more words. I poured all the feels on this Facebook post.

 Also, I’ll never forget about First Semester is the day when we had our Grand Practical Exam in our laboratory subjects and it was the time when 3rd Floor HSC was in a total dishevelment. We were taking turns and rotating in different labs to have our moving practical exams simultaneously--- one section is having their Histopath moving pracs, the other is having their Bacte moving pracs, then another section is on the roil in Hematology moving pracs while the other one is having their Parasitology Moving Pracs and the like. That was the most intense day ever imaginable.

Also on that day, was the first time I was able to extract blood on a practical exam!!! I can never forget how stupid I may have looked for shouting “Hala may dugo” when blood oozed out from my partner’s vein. I was never able to bleed my partner in almost all the practicals we had due to my infamous phobia with needles and I was legit surprised and awed when a blood came out that day!!!

For the events of Second Semester... I’m not really sure?? lol even though it’s the more recent semester, I can’t remember much from it coz it went like a blur to me. It was so fast it was so unreal that it actually happened!!! (and that I passed!)

Okay. One thing I could say about Second Semester is that I fancy UBF hahahaha I’m not sure if it’s the subject itself or teacher factor hahahaha but to be honest, it was so fun to study and probably the easiest of the panel of subjects for second semester (or so I thought).

The laboratory learning and insights this semester gave me more of the medtech feels because most of the experiments/tests we did in the lab were the ones that are being performed in the actual laboratory setting. I will never forget the struggle of dilution in Serology lab. We aren’t allowed to use calculators during the entire semester and of course as someone who absolutely hates math and computation, that’s. the. worst. nightmare. ever. So given that situation, imagine our surprise during the Final Laboratory Written examination when our instructor finally allowed us to use calculator. Everybody in the class was in awe because that’s super unexpected. We didn’t have much of moving practical exams this sem compared to the numerous ones we had on first semester. The practical exams this time were more like skills-based and principle application. Slide identification-kind-of-moving practicals was surprisingly nakakamiss.

Self-pity time: Two semester have passed and no one was able to extract blood from me huhuhu do I even have veins??? :------(

Just to give you some insight, there are:

4 major examinations in each lecture subjects

2 major written examination in each laboratory subjects

(100-item identification)

Moving Practical Exam in each laboratory subjects

Skills/Application Practical Exam in each laboratory subjects

Pre and post quizzes in every meeting in each lecture subjects

Pre and post quizzes in every laboratory experiments

Long Quizzes every after chapter

Long Quizzes before major examination in each lecture subject

Long Quizzes before major examination in each laboratory subjects

Surprise quizzes whenever the professor would like

Not to mention the drawings of each specimen in laboratory manuals in each laboratory subject

2 Journal readings in each lecture subject

So ayun, hindi po kami OA and nag-iinarte. Our lives literally revolve in exams and quizzes.

Moving on, last May 09, we had our Pre-Internship Program which is a prerequisite before you can proceed to the actual internship. On that exact day,we took a 700-item Diagnostic Examination without any notice and I literally just came back from an 8-hour trip because I went home in Bicol so I was sitting for like 14 hours straight!!! We had series of practical examinations for two weeks, a Phlebotomy seminar with BD Philippines, a tour in a National Reference Laboratory which is the National Kidney Institute and an Oral Revalida.

CAUTION: Photospam ahead.

I’m not sure if this is enough to summarize everything because I can feel that it’s not even in the slightest bit justified on this post. Maybe it’s one of the wonders of life that cannot be really put into words. (But you tried, self what are you doing hahaha)

Suffice to say that all these experiences; the nerve-racking and heartbreaking quizzes, no-sleep days, tears, sweats, blood (hahahaha legit), cramming moments and all other hardships are the variables which played significant roles in this endeavour which lead me to where I am heading right now. I’m so happy and proud to share to you guys the next step I’m taking in this career path. I am now officially a Medical Technology Intern at St. Luke’s Medical Center – Quezon City under the Institute of Pathology. I know, I can’t believe it myself that I was able to pass through the needle-hole like hurdle you call “Third Year life”. SLMC is actually my first-in since we are to undergo 1-year internship and we will be having our second-in next semester in another hospital.

 I will be forever thankful to Trinity University of Asia especially to Dean Rodriguez for always making sure that the quality of education/ training is there. Thank you for a super hands-on laboratory experience and our very own DIagnostic Laboratory in the 4th Floor. It’s like a simulation of the environment that we will be facing in the near future. Would also like to thank our Clinical Instructors:

Mam Majo Liao

Sir Jude Anthony Trinidad

Dra. Mary Anne Isip

Sir Mark Francisco

Sir Mel Destacamento

Mam Gigi Dayrit

Mam Violie Bascao

Mam Suzzette Lumanga

Mam Rona Gonzaga

Sir Joshua Descamparado

Sir Nikko Onate

Mam Krystal Tio

 for gearing us up with all the lectures, wisdom and skills that we would need  to be the Medical Technologists that we are aiming to be.

 ---------------------------

Other significant life events during the course of Third Year life:

 I became an Altar Server at the Shrine of Jesus the Divine Word. Hashtag dream come true.

I was elected Medical Technology Councilor in the University Student Council. Hashtag unreal.

All glory and praise to the Lord God above. Thank you for guiding me in almost everything I do. Thank you also St. Jude Thaddeus for interceding for me. Forever grateful and blessed.

That’s pretty much how I can sum up my Third Year life. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you so much for reading yet another long blog post of mine. See you on my next post (hopefully there’s a next)!!!

[junker-town]

Why Chip Kelly failed in the NFL and what it means for UCLA

The differences between college and pro football aren’t as big as you’ve been led to believe, but they were big enough.

Chip Kelly’s return to the college ranks is exciting — the sport is better when better coaches are involved. But there are a lot of questions regarding what a Kelly offense looks like after his time in the pros and how his philosophy has shifted in the six years since he left Eugene. From my 2018 UCLA preview:

He went 46-7 as Head Duck, and now he’s at a school with a much higher recruiting ceiling. It appears he is integrating some of the basic concepts — “It’s a lot of read option, dish-and-dunk kind of stuff” — and he’s breaking in some of the sports science techniques (GPS devices and whatnot) that he’s become known for.

I’m curious about the philosophical changes Kelly’s offense seemed to undergo in the NFL, just how much his new college offense will look like his old one, and most of all, whether he can do what no UCLA coach since Terry Donahue has done: win consistently.

Kelly’s NFL tenure started out like a house afire.

His 2013 Eagles ranked third in offensive DVOA and improved from 4-12 to 10-6. They pushed tempo as far as you can in the NFL (they averaged one snap every 23.9 seconds in 2013, then one every 22.2 in 2014, both tops in the league). They scored 30-plus points eight times, and they lost in the playoffs only via last-second field goal.

Photo by Rich Schultz /Getty Images

LeSean McCoy and Nick Foles were key components in a devastating 2013 Philadelphia offense.

Even into his second year, as the magic began to fade (they ranked 13th in offensive DVOA), the Eagles went 10-6.

By 2015, the magic was gone. Philadelphia fell to 26th in offensive DVOA and 7-9 overall, and Kelly was fired. He took over a horrid roster in San Francisco in 2016, went 2-14, and became a TV commentator for 2017.

As Kelly was preparing for his lone year in San Francisco, Smart Football’s Chris B. Brown penned the definitive take on Kelly’s devolution. The gist:

Defenses grew more sophisticated in handling tempo.

NFL officials don’t let you go as quickly as Kelly wanted.

Having the QB run is terrifying for a pro team that’s invested millions of dollars in the position. An injury could wreck your season even more than it could in college.

Without that run threat and with immobile QBs like Mark Sanchez and Sam Bradford, Kelly’s play-calling was predictable.

And perhaps his preferred philosophy (which included the elements of what you might call an optimal college football offense) wasn’t as suited in a pro environment that features more adaptable coaching and fewer talent advantages. As the Washington Post’s Mark Maske noted, Kelly was given far too much control of personnel decisions in Philadelphia. GM Kelly perhaps screwed head coach Kelly out of success.

Still, I would add one more thing to the list of factors against him in Philadelphia and San Francisco.

Close your eyes and picture Kelly’s Oregon offense.

Maybe you’re flashing back to that Statue of Liberty against Michigan. But more likely, it’s some dam-bursting, 70-yard explosion. Kelly’s Ducks wore you out with tempo and then sliced you vertically.

If there’s a singular difference between college and pro football, it’s that big plays are a lot harder to come by in the NFL. A lot harder.

Football is a “game of inches.” We hear that on broadcasts, from coaches, and out of our own mouths. We understand how tight the margins are in this sport.

But as games and seasons pass, the gray area disappears. The narrative says you either won, or you lost. You succeeded, or you failed.

Want to see how blurry the lines are between success and failure in football, though?

Below is a chart that features two pieces of data:

The distribution of gains for Kelly’s unstoppable Oregon offenses.

The distribution of gains for Kelly’s failed NFL offenses.

The data is presented cumulatively, so that by the time you get to the far right, you’re accounting for 100 percent of plays. As you can see, there was very little difference here between Kelly’s college and pro offenses.

Broken out into yardage ranges, that data looks like this:

There are but meager differences.

Kelly’s NFL teams suffered more zero-yard plays — completion rates were 62 percent at each level, but Kelly did call more passes at the NFL level, which meant more incompletions — but also suffered fewer negative plays: 9 percent vs. 11 percent.

For any offense, a large percentage of your plays gain between one and six yards. At both levels, Kelly’s offenses did this about 35 percent of the time.

Twenty-two percent of his Oregon plays gained between seven and 14 yards, while 20 percent did in the NFL.

One in 27 plays (3.7 percent) gained 30-plus yards for the Ducks. Only one in 38 did (2.6 percent) in the NFL.

That last one doesn’t sound like much of a difference, but considering differences in tempo (his Oregon offenses averaged 75.2 plays per game, and his NFL offenses averaged 66.9), that’s 2.8 explosions per game versus 1.7, one more easy score per game.

A lack of explosive big plays might’ve made all the difference.

We know there is less scoring in NFL games, but we don’t necessarily think about why.

College offenses are about as efficient as pro offenses, on a down-by-down basis. The average success rate for college offenses from 2009-17 was 42.1 percent, and in the pros, it’s 41.2 percent.

As much as anything, it’s the explosive plays that define the difference between college and pro.

A coach once told me that when watching Kelly’s Philadelphia offenses, one or two 19-yarders per game would make him think, “That would have gone to the house at Oregon.”

In college since 2009, 2.7 percent of plays gained at least 30 yards. In the NFL, it was 2.4 percent.

Combined with differences in tempo (college games averaged 72.7 plays per game to NFL’s 63.1), that means two big gashes per game to the NFL’s 1.5. That, plus slight differences in efficiency and turnovers (1.55 per game in college to 1.49 in the pros), accounts for most of the difference in scoring (26.4 points per game vs. 22.5).

These margins are tiny. But they add up.

Think of it this way: the college-vs.-NFL difference of 0.9 percentage points of success rate over 66.9 plays per game means 0.6 fewer successful plays per game. The average successful play gains about 12 yards in both college and pro, so losing about half a successful play means gaining about seven yards fewer per game.

Meanwhile, removing half of a single big play per game could subtract those seven yards plus another 25 or more yards from a box score. Missing 30 yards from a single play could drop your per-play average over the course of a game by about 0.5 yards.

For an offense like Kelly’s, so defined by big plays at Oregon, you can see how costly this difference could be. Removing a single huge gain can change a game much more than taking away a couple chain-movers, for obvious reasons.

Granted, things worked brilliantly for a while.

His first year in Philly produced a higher big-play rate than at Oregon — 9.8 percent of plays gained at least 20 yards compared to 7.7 percent at UO.

But that shrank quickly, to 6.8 percent in 2014, 6.1 in 2015, and 4.7 in 2016.

According to data in the Football Outsiders Almanac, the extremes in Kelly’s philosophy were evident each year, even with the 49ers:

Kelly’s NFL offenses ranked first in percentage of snaps out of the shotgun/pistol every year: 86 percent in 2013-14, 94 percent in 2015, and 99 percent with SF in 2016.

They lined up in a single-back formation at least 92 percent of the time each year — the most in the NFL from 2013-15 and second most in 2016.

They did attempt balance on first downs, but they ran more on second-and-long than anyone (at least 41 percent of the time each year, ranking no lower than third), almost always ran in power situations (ranking second or higher three of four times), and attempted as much play-action as anyone (fourth or higher three of four times).

Combined with tempo, this all sounds like what Kelly wanted to do at Oregon.

The genius of his run-heavy system at Oregon was that you could create big plays without big risk. The Ducks’ tempo made defenses scatterbrained, and backs like Jeremiah Johnson, LaMichael James, Kenjon Barner, and De’Anthony Thomas — guys speedy enough to combine for six yards per carry in the pros — made them pay. And when they overcompensated, quarterbacks Marcus Mariota, Darron Thomas, and Jeremiah Masoli would keep the ball.

Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

De’Anthony Thomas was a lightning bolt in Eugene.

In the NFL, his run game was always at least above average in explosiveness, but “explosive” means something different there, particularly on the ground. Big NFL plays almost all come through the air.

You eventually have to be able to throw, so after Kelly’s initial NFL surge, his philosophy became less and less of a fit.

He’s now back in his college comfort zone, though.

Through recruiting, you can build more permanent talent and speed advantages here, and you can run the ball with great effect, especially if you are less afraid of getting your QB hit.

If Kelly’s got anything in his first year at UCLA, it’s options at QB.

Former Michigan starter/statue Wilton Speight is available, in case NFL experience scared Kelly away from running the QB as much. Kelly certainly tried to sell Speight on his NFL offense.

Kelly pitched Speight on a system like the one the coach ran in the NFL, where he turned to pocket-passers such as Nick Foles, Sam Bradford and Mark Sanchez. Foles was named to the 2013 Pro Bowl while leading the league in yards per pass attempt and passer rating. Sanchez, the former USC star, personally vouched for Kelly’s offense as the two quarterbacks trained together.

Still, your opponent’s math changes if it has to account for a mobile quarterback. At Oregon, Kelly had guys who could throw (especially Mariota) and punish defenses for over-pursuing against a hand-off.

One would assume a tie would go to a more mobile guy like freshman Dorian Thompson-Robinson or a split-the-difference QB in Devon Modster, who can run but also completed 65 percent of his passes filling in for Josh Rosen. Betting odds favor Modster.

Photo by Harry How/Getty Images

Devon Modster might be the bridge Kelly is looking for between NFL-style passer and college-style dual-threat.

As Brown wrote, Kelly’s NFL legacy will end up more like a Hal Mumme than a Bill Walsh.

The NFL’s Kelly was an innovator who paved the way for others to innovate and succeed more than he did.

As the new coach of the San Francisco 49ers, the man who was at one time football’s leading innovator seeks redemption in the heart of Silicon Valley, America’s current cradle of disruptive innovation, a fitting landing spot given that it appears Kelly is seemingly hurtling toward being the next victim of the “Innovator’s Curse.” [...]

The second idea behind the Innovator’s Curse is that, having once innovated, it’s increasingly difficult for the innovator to continue innovating. To use Silicon Valley examples, there are countless IBMs, Xeroxes, and Yahoos: one-time disruptors whose cultures and ideas ossified and who eventually became the disrupted.

The NFL indeed evolved toward Kelly’s vision. Teams are lining up in the shotgun more and using more one-back, three-receiver sets. The Super Bowl, won by the Eagles, was full of college offense. Plus, research suggests play-action is the way to go if you’re looking for easy yards. And Kelly made defenses improve at adjusting to tempo.

There are worse legacies. And at only 54 years old, Kelly’s got a time to add another chapter in Westwood.

[tea-and-toblerones]

I hijacked this.

1: Name:: Deanna 2: Age:: 24 3: 3 Fears:: spiders, being told I love you when they really don't, utter failure 4: 3 things I love:: Video games, music and art 5: 4 turns on:: Dorkiness, awkwardness, kindness and a sense of humor 6: 4 turns off:: flip floppy behavior, narcissism, arrogance, and thinking yo ass is better than everyone else. 7: My best friend:: @bestiejessie 8: Sexual orientation:: Hetro, but with an appreciation for the female form 9: My best first date:: pff, I'll let you know when that happens, yeah? I've never really been taken out 10: How tall am I:: 5′7" 11: What do I miss:: being as carefree as I was 12: What time were I born:: Monday, August 24, 1992 at 9:18 PM 13: Favourite color:: Red. Blood red. 14: Do I have a crush:: My heart only poops it's pants for celebs and fictional characters at the mo'. It's easier that way. 15: Favourite quote:: “I may be an asshole, but I'm not a 100% Dick" Peter "Star Lord" Quill 16: Favourite place:: By the water. On the water. Floating in the water. I love water. 17: Favourite food:: PIZZA IS LIFEEEEE 18: Do I use sarcasm:: Nah mate, not at all. 19: What am I listening to right now:: The Final Fantasy VII Soundtrack 20: First thing I notice in new person:: eyes, scent, timbre of voice, and their vibe 21: Shoe size:: 8 22: Eye color:: gunsteel blue 23: Hair color:: medium brown. For now. 24: Favourite style of clothing:: Grunge queen in the fall/winter Cute and lacy in the spring/summer 25: Ever done a prank call?:: not that I'm aware. I have terrible anxiety 27: Meaning behind my URL:: I just love tea and toblerones mate. 28: Favourite movie:: Howl's Moving Castle 29: Favourite song:: Yellow by Coldplay 30: Favourite band:: Imagine Dragons 31: How I feel right now:: Chill/excited 32: Someone I love:: EVERYONE. Cept for one single person. 33: My current relationship status:: Emotionally attached to a fictional character cos I'm trash. That answers that, eh? 34: My relationship with my parents:: Me and my mam are tight. My dad...nah mate, not so much. 35: Favourite holiday:: HALLOWEEN BITCHES! 36: Tattoos and piercing I have:: My gauges. 37: Tattoos and piercing I want:: Sylleblossoms and a sword from FFX, Calcifer from Howl's Moving Caste, a sea scape, trees, a dragon... 38: The reason I joined Tumblr:: I needed an Ed outlet before my friends murdered me. 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?:: He cut his face open to be more like Ed so I would take him back. I don't hate anyone, but that boy is pretty damn close to it. 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?:: My brother texts me WAKE UP from time to time. Do those count? 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?:: Texted, yeah. Messaged, nah, just licked their face. 42: When did I last hold hands?:: romantically? Last year. In general? Last night. 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?:: pff what is this morning you speak of? 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?:: Sure have. 45: Where am I right now?:: In the FFXV/Ed trash heap where I belong. 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?:: Jessie if they're not already passed out. 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? :: loud 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? :: unfortunately 49: Am I excited for anything?:: THIS WEEKEND 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?:: yes 51: How often do I wear a fake smile?:: 25% of the time? Ish 52: When was the last time I hugged someone?:: earlier today 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?:: I be surprised he grew a spine and kissed a girl other than me, but that's about it. Probably cheer him on. Get him a drink. I'm such a bro 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?:: nah mate, I hardly trust anyone 55: What is something I disliked about today?:: almost falling outta a chair cos I fell asleep 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?:: Ed Sheeran 57: What do I think about most?:: that I'm trapped in a stagnate place and I'll never get free from it. 58: What’s my strangest talent?:: I can remember exactly how people/ feel. Like their skin and whatnot, like I'm physically touching them, but im not. And their scent and their voice. And their eyes. Is that a talent? 59: Do I have any strange phobias?:: the snuggle bear creeps me the fuck out. 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?:: behind 61: What was the last lie I told?:: that I was gonna go to bed early. Does it count if it's to yourself? 62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?:: video chatting cos I have a fear that people can't understand what I'm saying due to the fact I used to have an impediment with a lisp so at least they can read my lips. 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? :: sure do. Seen em. Felt em. Have one thats attached to me. He's cool. Chases away the bad stuff. And yeah this universe is way to big for us to be the only ones 64: Do I believe in magic?:: yep 65: Do I believe in luck?:: very much so 66: What’s the weather like right now?:: kinda coldish? But not terrible (I'm horrible at judging how cold it is. I never wear a jacket) 67: What was the last book I’ve read?:: King Killer Chronicles 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?:: I'm weird so of course I do 69: Do I have any nicknames?:: Nanna (which I always go by) 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?:: um, well one of my insides got very angry with me and hurt and I couldn't move and was fevered and puking and made my back hurt. I was too stubborn to go get checked out so I dunno what happened but it got better on its own. 71: Do I spend money or save it?:: both. Usually save though 72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?:: I've got quite the long tongue, I can actually stick it up my nose if I tried. (Drunk me has) 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?:: Not that I can see 74: Favourite animal?:: Foxes, Ravens, and raccoons 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?:: Partying with my ladies getting ready to bar hop with the band 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?:: Morningstar. He owns a nightclub called Lux in LA. 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?:: Thrift Shop 78: How can you win my heart?:: by being an adorable awkward dorky nerd like me 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?:: something utterly ridiculous probably 80: What is my favorite word? :: probably a swear. 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr @weareedsobfg (imma cheat too) @ferskendag, @tenerife-lucy @lordedsheeran, uh....I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? :: pterodactyl noises and arm flaps cos social anxiety 83: Do I have any relatives in jail?:: it would be quicker to list the ones that weren't. 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?:: the power of imagination (whatever I can imagine happens) 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?:: How do you feel 86: What is my current desktop picture?:: A picture of graveyard I took in New Orleans 87: Had sex?:: yeah 88: Bought condoms?:: yeah 89: Gotten pregnant?:: no 90: Failed a class?:: math. All the math 91: Kissed a boy?:: yeah 92: Kissed a girl?:: yeah 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?:: I have in the snow 94: Had job?:: yeah had job 95: Left the house without my wallet?:: almost everytime 96: Bullied someone on the internet?:: Nah mate 97: Had sex in public?:: Sure have 98: Played on a sports team?:: INDOOR PERCUSSION BITCHES 99: Smoked weed?:: Not smoked it, but had some pretty delicious banana nut pot bread. 100: Did drugs?:: besides the pot bread, nah mate 101: Smoked cigarettes?:: No 102: Drank alcohol?:: Oh yeah 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?:: Once upon a time 104: Been overweight?:: very much so 105: Been underweight?:: when I was born 106: Been to a wedding?:: I've been to so many 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?:: ALL DAY, ERRYDAY 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?:: I'm a binge watching mofo 109: Been outside my home country?:: no but I wanna 110: Gotten my heart broken?:: yeah 111: Been to a professional sports game?:: Yes and I don't even like sports. 112: Broken a bone?:: surprisingly no 113: Cut myself?:: all the time on accident 114: Been to prom?:: no, I was the weird loner outsider kid. You know the one. 115: Been in airplane?:: Sure have 116: Fly by helicopter? :: no but I've been in one 117: What concerts have I been too?:: Alice Cooper and Watch Them Rot 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?:: Kinda ish. 119: Learned another language?:: I used to know a lil Spanish but now, not so much 120: Wore make up?:: every time I leave the house even though I don't need it anymore cos I got my eczema under control (the miracle of aloe yall) 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?:: Nope 20 122: Had oral sex?:: I have 123: Dyed my hair?:: so much. 124: Voted in a presidential election?:: No 125: Rode in an ambulance?:: Nope 126: Had a surgery?:: Nope 127: Met someone famous?:: uh, mickey, minnie, goofy and pluto? 128: Stalked someone on a social network?:: who hasnt? 129: Peed outside?:: so many times 130: Been fishing?:: yep 131: Helped with charity?:: yep 132: Been rejected by a crush?:: *laughs to infinity* CAN'T BE IF YOU NEVER TELL EM (yes, yes I have. Indirectly) 133: Broken a mirror?:: So many I'm cursed forever 134: What do I want for birthday?:: the same thing I wanted last year. A hot ginger. (And video games. Always video games) 135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?:: 2 boys. And maybe like William or James or something weird cos I love weird names 136: Was I named after anyone? :: Deanna Troi from Star Trek: the Next Generation. 137: Do I like my handwriting?:: yeah it's pretty okay 138: What was my favourite toy as a child?:: MY PINK POWER RANGER ACTION FIGURE 139: Favourite Tv Show?:: Supernatural, Sherlock, Doctor Who, American Horror Story, Arrow, Flash, Legends of Tomorrow...don't make me pick one. 140: Where do I want to live when older?:: with someone I care about. 141: Play any musical instrument?:: piano, marimba, xylophone, vibraphone, bells, drums, guitar (not well, I have ZERO rhythm) 142: One of my scars, how did I get it?:: playing with my dog 143: Favourite pizza toping?:: If I had to pick one, pepperoni but mushroom olive and pineapple please 144: Am I afraid of the dark?:: nah, that's where all the stars are 145: Am I afraid of heights?:: nah 146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?:: no, I was a mild child 147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?:: Oh you mean my life? 148: What I’m really bad at:: everything 149: What my greatest achievments are:: well I stopped someone from killing themselves. I also tend to make people laugh and feel better. 150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me:: I only said I loved you so you would stay (though literally already knew it but worst fear right there) 151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery:: get outta debt. Get my friends outta debt. 152: What do I like about myself:: people say I'm sunshine. I like that. 153: My closest Tumblr friend:: @ferskendag and @tenerife-lucy 154: Something I fantasise about:: being happy with someone I care about, being financially stable while doing my dream job and traveling the world. 155: Any question you’d like? Do you know the muffin man?

[brajeshupadhyay]

Coronavirus crisis' impact on rural India exposes inequality and pitfalls in access to education

Tarabai Sonawane is scared of the risk that the lack of internet has brought to her. For the last nine days, her three daughters are forced to leave the house for a few hours every day. The reason – access to the internet for e-learning.

From 13 April, the education department of the Maharashtra State Government started rolling out e-learning content to students from both Government and aided schools for grades I to IX. It’s hosted on the DIKSHA app – an e-learning platform of the Ministry of Human Resource Development.

Along with these videos, the respective school teachers send out several videos of science, maths, English, stories, images of paintings, assessments, online tests, PDF files of English sight words, and much more.

Tarabai’s daughters, Pallavi, Akshata, and Tejaswini, who stay in the Dhakale hamlet (Bhadole village in Hatkanangle taluka of Maharashtra’s Kolhapur district), go to their friends’ house to ensure they don’t miss out on the learning.

Why do they go out though?

Their stories reveal how education has become a privilege. Tejaswini’s father, Vilas, who works as a Gavandi (mason), ran out of mobile balance in the first week of April. Tarabai puts things in perspective, “There’s no work since 22 March. We didn’t have ration to eat.” Now in her mid-40s, she works as an agricultural labourer. An ill-planned lockdown forced her to buy grains on credit. “So far, we have bought grocery worth Rs 1,000,” she says. An extended lockdown brought in more risk, and now she anticipates that a further extension from 3 May might ‘kill them of starvation.’

File photo of a zilla parishad school in rural Kolhapur

The Sonawanes can’t afford a mobile recharge now. Every money ill-spent means inviting starvation. Also, it delays the time by which they have to repay the grocery shopkeeper.

Although Tarabai’s daughters cover the face with a handkerchief or stole, her fears resurface in the conversation. “Shikshan tar jhala pahije (The education should happen),” she says on the call. She’s particularly scared about her younger daughter, Tejaswini, who’s in grade VII at Vidya Mandir, Dhakale, because her friend Sanika lives on the opposite side of the hamlet (500 metres away). “It’s risky so she goes out early in the morning or the evening,” she says. “What can we do?”. In the afternoon, the police presence makes it difficult for the kids.

Her elder daughter Pallavi who is in grade XII and enrolled in Indira Gandhi Junior College, Vadgaon in an art course, says, “The teachers send us videos and assessments on phone. I’ve to go to my friend’s house to watch this.” For the Sonawanes, bargaining with social distancing comes at a cost which she can’t quantify anymore – the cost of inequality.

Education never came easy for Vikram Sonawane, 18, who awaits his grade XII result. For the past two years, he has been working odd jobs to support his junior college education and family. Today, he has many more responsibilities than just choosing the stream he wants to pursue post-XII.

Two months before giving his board exams in March 2020, he took a break from a firecracker factory in Vadgaon, where he worked as a labourer.

Immediately after his exams got over, he had planned to find a job for helping his family. There was no ‘vacation’ or ‘de-stress’ time for him. It was from the second week of April when his younger brother Suraj’s school teachers started sending the curriculum, videos and reading material on WhatsApp. Vikram had run out of mobile recharge in the last week of March, and recharge now seems farther than his hopes of the lockdown being revoked on 3 May. The pandemic and the subsequent lockdown have forced several people to take loans for buying grains and medicines in the hamlet already.

Suraj, unfortunately, has been finding it difficult to cope up with this. A grade VIII student, schooling has been no less than a challenge for him. He’s a student at Shrimati Indira Gandhi Madhyamik Vidyalaya in Vadgaon. For a few months, he could afford the bus fees of Rs 70 monthly, but since January he had to reduce it to a one-way trip. “While returning, I walk 5 km to my home,” he says. “We can’t afford it.”

An ill-planned lockdown has ushered a big risk of drop outs amongst upper primary and secondary grades to support their families

A lack of access to the internet has invited several risks for Suraj. Every day he goes to his friend, Mayuri’s house to borrow her single notebook. She jots down the things she understands from the e-learning material, and it becomes a reference or go-to point for at least five of her classmates in the hamlet.

When I ask Suraj, if he understands the concepts from the notes, he answers honestly, “I just copy it down and learn.” Suraj isn’t responsible for this. The system has failed him.

His father, Vijay, 45, travels the remote villages of the Konkan region in Maharashtra for nine months a year to cut bamboo and rests for the remaining three months. With the lockdown, he is stranded in his home. Suraj’s mother, Shalan, 40, works as an agricultural labourer in the nearby villages.

When I was talking to him on call, they had received a PDF file with the names of elements (periodic table). Suraj didn’t understand a word of it but had no other resort rather than just mugging it up.

Students are even asked to take online tests related to their subjects. A lot of students like Suraj are deprived of it. While Vikram managed to give his board exams, now he fears, if he will be able to continue with the education. For him, the most pressing thing is finding a job immediately.

In the second week of April, the headmaster of Vidya Mandir Dhakale, KB Patil, started surveying the households and made a handwritten contact list of parents with their WhatsApp number. Of the 31 students enrolled in grade V, VI, and VII, about 16 had WhatsApp. The school has a strength of 66 from grade I to VII.

File Photo of a group of students returning from school

He says, “The ones who are interested will even go to other’s houses to see the videos, and the ones who want to do nothing will be home. The output of such initiatives is only 50 percent, but we try for 100 percent. The students have to see the videos and solve the questions in their notebooks and send it to us so that we can assess them." The success of such steps “depends on how much the students want to learn and how much do their family members support,” he adds. He plans to send the soft copies of local newspapers also.

However, times have become much more difficult for Sangeeta Sonawane, 35, an agricultural labourer from the same community.

“Divas dhaklat jayecha (We keep passing the days),” she says. The Sonawane family with five members got 25 kilograms of rice from the State Government in the second week of April. Sangeeta has bought other required grains, dals, and groceries from a shop in her hamlet and has a credit of Rs 500. “We don’t have any money left to buy a notebook,” she says.

Her son, Sanket, who is in grade V, goes to his friend, Pranav’s house, wearing a handkerchief wrapped as a mask – to not miss out on the e-learning material. “My son understands that we are going through a tough time, and that’s why he doesn’t even ask us to buy a notebook.” He is taking the notes of seven subjects in a single 180-page notebook and will exhaust it soon. “Another day, he told me that once we get some money, we’ll buy the book.”

Sanket jots down what he understands. However, how much of the content he can comprehend remains a big question mark. “Sometimes he asks me doubts,” says Sangeeta, who dropped out of grade X.

One of the 108 households in the Dhakale hamlet

Mobile recharge is something not in the vicinity of the Sonawane family. “We’ve to go to Vadgaon (5 km) for getting a recharge done (Roughly Rs 500 for three months),” she says. Vadgaon, however, has been facing a brutal lockdown after a Corona positive patient was found on 27 March. “We don’t even have the balance to make a phone call,” she rues.

Her husband, Vinayak, 35, is a mason and goes to the nearby villages as and when he gets the work. From 22 March, both haven’t been able to go out for work. While the restrictions on farming have been lifted, Sangeeta says that the police and village authorities don’t allow them to go out.

The education department has planned to air the content on radio and television for students who don’t have access to a smartphone. Director of Maharashtra State Council for Educational Research and Training, Dinkar Patil, said in an interview to Hindustan Times, “MHRD’s Swayam channel will host this content for two hours in the morning and evening every day. We are working on the content and it should begin in a couple of days.”

There are 66,033 Zila Parishad schools in Maharashtra. As per the State Education Department, there are roughly 2.25 crore students enrolled in schools (both private and government) in Maharashtra. As per the Economic Survey of Maharashtra 2019-2020, the dropout rate in primary schooling is 1.09 percent which increases to 2.15 percent for upper primary and reaches a stark 8.8 percent for secondary schooling in the state for 2018-2019.

A crisis like this can fuel drop-out rates quickly and has even forced several students in Dhakale to consider picking up odd jobs to support their families.

Several parents said that even the Anganwadi teachers are sending the content on mobile now

Ravindra Sonawane, who awaits his previous month’s salary, is scared of his daughter dropping out. Around 20 March, he had to return to his hamlet from Kasegaon village (Walwa taluka in Maharashtra’s Sangli district) where he works at a dhaba. Upon asking for the due salary, the owner just said, “Baghuya (Let’s see),” he tells me on call.

However, Ravindra can’t say ‘let’s see’ to ration. His elder daughter Mayuri, who’s in grade VIII, goes to a guardian’s house in the community who has internet. With public service announcements on Covid-19, Mayuri is now scared of stepping out. A few days back, she asked her father, “Why can’t we see the videos on our phone?” Ravindra wasn’t prepared to answer this.

“It’s important to educate the children, but I need money for recharge,” he says. His hope from education stems from his past. “I couldn’t go to school, so I want my children to get educated.”

Mayuri takes the help of Vishal Sonawane (the local guardian) to understand the concepts. “We don’t have any resources like glue, motor, battery, etc for science experiments,” she says. This adds more to the misery. Frustrated, Ravindra describes the plight in four words, “Kaam nahi, ration nahi (There’s no work, no ration).”

All images courtesy of the author.

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2LcUubw

[kacydeneen]

PolitiFact: Fact-Checking the Fifth Democratic Presidential Debate

The impeachment inquiry against President Donald Trump and nationwide voter suppression were center stage during the fifth Democratic presidential debate in Atlanta.

The debate, which was hosted by MSNBC and the Washington Post, opened with clashes over the candidates’ tax plans, pivoted to climate change records and ended with jabs over marijuana policy.

PolitiFact analyzed several statements from candidates on the debate stage at Tyler Perry Studios in Atlanta. Here are some highlights:

Biden says Americans like their plans

"160 million people like their private insurance."

This rates Half True.

A cursory look at polling would suggest that most of the people he’s talking about. Polling done earlier this year by the Kaiser Family Foundation with the Los Angeles Times found that most beneficiaries are "generally satisfied" with this insurance. (Kaiser Health News, a partner of PolitiFact, is an editorially independent program of the foundation.)

But once you dig a little deeper, that narrative gets more complicated.

Even while Americans say they like their plans, large proportions indicate that the private coverage they have still leaves meaningful gaps, requiring them to skip or delay health care because they cannot afford it.

In the same KFF/L.A. Times poll, about 40% of people with employer-sponsored coverage said they had trouble paying medical bills, out-of-pocket costs or premiums. About half indicated going without or delaying health care because — even with this coverage — it was unaffordable. And about 17% reported making "difficult sacrifices" to pay for health care.

One military veteran attacks another

Says Pete Buttigieg said that as president, he "would be willing to send our troops to Mexico to fight the cartels."

— Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, D-Hawaii

Gabbard’s attack contained an element of truth, but was exaggerated and misleading.

Buttigieg, who did a seven-month deployment as a Navy Reserve intelligence officer in Afghanistan, said Gabbard took his remarks out of context.

Gabbard, a major in the Army National Guard who served two tours of duty in the Middle East, alluded to comments Buttigieg made three days earlier in a candidate forum in Los Angeles. An interviewer said President Donald Trump had suggested sending U.S. troops to Mexico to help deal with the drug cartels there, then had this exchange with Buttigieg:

Question: "Do you see a time where troops could go into Mexico if Mexico welcomed it?"

Buttigieg: "There is a scenario where we could have security cooperation as we do with countries around the world. Now, I would only order American troops into conflict if there were no other choice, if American lives were on the line and if this were necessary in order for us to uphold our treaty obligations. But we could absolutely be in some kind of partnership role if and only if it is welcomed by our partner south of the border."

His campaign later clarified, the Sacramento Bee reported, that Buttigieg would only be open to military use as a "last resort" in response to Mexican cartel violence or an outside threat that endangers the country’s security.

Biden shouts out PolitiFact’s report on a climate change bill, but...

"While I was passing the first climate change bill that PolitiFact said was a game-changer, … my friend (Steyer) was introducing more coal mines and produced more coal around the world, according to the press, than all of Great Britain produces."

— Former Vice President Joe Biden

Biden was one of the first lawmakers to introduce a climate change bill. But we here at PolitiFact didn’t call it a "game-changer."

Biden’s shout-out to PolitiFact came in response to a comment from billionaire Tom Steyer. Steyer said that he is the only Democratic candidate who has made climate change his No. 1 priority.

We found that Biden was one of the first U.S. legislators to introduce a climate change bill.

His first climate change bill was introduced in 1986, but it died in the Senate. The next year, a version of Biden’s legislation became an amendment to a State Department funding bill. President Ronald Reagan signed it into law.

Biden’s Global Climate Protection Act called on the president to set up a task force to plan how to mitigate global warming. It also called on the president to make climate change a higher priority item on the U.S.-Soviet agenda.

While Congress had focused on the issue before, most experts we spoke to said Biden’s bill was the first climate change legislation of its kind. However, those same experts also cautioned against overstating the importance of the bill. It didn’t introduce a plan for reducing emissions or adapting infrastructure for climate change.

"It was a plan to make a plan. Which, of course, neither Reagan nor Bush ultimately did," Josh Howe, a professor of history and environmental studies at Reed College, previously told PolitiFact.

As for Steyer’s own record on the environment, a 2014 report from the New York Times analyzed the operations of Farallon Capital Management, Steyer’s investment management company. It found that Farallon invested millions of dollars in companies that operate coal mines or coal-fired power plants.

The Times reported that Farallon-supported coal mining companies increased their annual production by about 70 million tons after they received money from the fund. "That is more than the amount of coal consumed annually by Britain," the Times wrote.

Booker knocks Warren’s wealth tax

"The wealth tax: I’m sorry, it’s cumbersome. It’s been tried by other nations. It’s hard to evaluate."

— Sen. Cory Booker, D-N.J.

It’s accurate to say that other countries have tried wealth taxes similar to the one that Warren has proposed. Several countries still have them.

He was responding to Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s wealth tax, which would put a 2% levy on wealth above the $50 million mark to provide universal pre-kindergarten and cancel student debt for most people. (We previously found there’s ample reason to doubt her math.)

The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, an international body based in Paris, has counted 12 or 13 countries that collected revenues from net wealth taxes in 1996. (The tally differs slightly based on how you measure it.)

Nine European countries have ended their wealth taxes since then. Today, six or seven European nations have some form of wealth tax.

As Booker said, the reason why some countries nixed their wealth taxes has to do with how difficult it is to levy them. A 2015 report from the European Commission found that determining the value of people’s assets was difficult. A 2018 report from the OECD said revenues collected from wealth taxes were generally low and that there were several "efficiency and administrative concerns."

However, we’ve spoken to experts who say the same thing wouldn’t necessarily happen in the United States. OECD analysts said arguments for and against wealth taxes depend on how other tax laws would work with Warren’s proposal.

Biden misstates African-American support in Senate

Says he has the backing of "the only African-American woman that’s ever been elected to the United States Senate."

— Former Vice President Joe Biden

This was a slip-up that Biden quickly corrected after a mystified reaction from other candidates on the stage — notably Kamala Harris, who is an African-American woman elected to the Senate and who, as an active candidate, has not endorsed Biden.

"That's not true!" said Booker.

"I'm right here!" said Harris, laughing.

Biden was referring to his endorsement by Carol Moseley Braun, a Democrat who represented Illinois in the Senate for one term. She was the first African-American woman to be elected to a Senate seat. Harris was the second and, so far, only other to achieve that distinction.

Steyer understates Congress’ action on climate change

"Congress has never passed an important climate bill, ever."

— Tom Steyer, hedge fund manager

While reasonable people can disagree about what qualifies as "important," Congress has certainly passed several notable bills responding to climate change over the years.

One landmark law that passed well before the modern era of climate change policy — the Clean Air Act 1963 — paved the way for the Obama administration’s Clean Power Plan, which used regulatory mechanisms to set state carbon emissions targets and a pathway to meet those targets. The Trump administration shelved the plan before it went into effect.

In 1992, the Senate passed the U.N. Framework Convention on Climate Change, which had been signed under President George H.W. Bush and which laid out an international process for future climate-change agreements.

That same year, language creating the renewable energy production tax credit was signed into law as part of the Energy Policy Act. This credit gave a boost to wind energy and, starting in 2005, solar energy. The tax credit is widely seen as enabling the United States’ fast-growing renewable-energy sector.

In 2007, President George W. Bush signed the Energy Independence and Security Act, which established a renewable fuel standard for fuel producers, offered incentives for renewable fuel production, and phased out incandescent light bulbs.

And in the same year, an appropriations bill established mandatory reporting of large-source greenhouse gas emissions.

Klobuchar counts states without paper ballots

"We still have 11 states that don’t have back-up paper ballots."

— Sen. Amy Klobuchar, D-Minn.

Klobuchar would have been better off saying some counties and towns in 11 states don’t offer back-up paper ballots, according to research by the Brennan Center for Justice at New York University, a liberal organization that advocates for voting rights.

An August report from the group concluded that "11 states use paperless machines as their primary polling place equipment in at least some counties and towns, as Virginia, Arkansas, and Delaware transitioned to paper-based voting equipment in 2017, 2018, and 2019."

Three of those states — Georgia, South Carolina and Pennsylvania — have committed to replacing equipment by 2020. That means that in 2020, portions of eight states will still use paperless equipment. Louisiana would be the only state to have paperless voting systems statewide, Liz Howard, counsel for the Brennan Center's Democracy Program, told PolitiFact.

The Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on Russian interference in July found that "paper ballots and optical scanners are the least vulnerable to cyber attack; at minimum, any machine purchased going forward should have a voter-verified paper trail and remove (or render inert) any wireless networking capability."

Photo Credit: Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images This story uses functionality that may not work in our app. Click here to open the story in your web browser. PolitiFact: Fact-Checking the Fifth Democratic Presidential Debate published first on Miami News