#the only point of marriage at this point is tax benefits | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shslbunnylover · 4 months ago

Note

Can I request a fic where Natasha romanoff and the reader are married for tax pourposes, and nat fogets she's married until someone starts talking about her wife that they met on a mission?

With mean nat, and some smut?

🥝

★ ★ ★ A much needed reminder ★ ★ ★

Character: Natasha Romanoff

Summary: After Natasha forgets about your marriage that was based on convenience, she realizes just how much she loves you.

Taglist: @inlovewithgreta @lilfartbox1

Trigger Warnings: NSFW, slight angst and mention of unrequited love, Daddy kink, choking kink, slight spanking, rough sex, mean(ish) Natasha, G!P Natasha (with condom), slight dacryphilia,

Genre: Smut

Author's Note: I've been revived!!

Word Count: 4.02k

Natasha Romanoff. Feared Avenger, skilled assassin, and your wife. Well...not so much the last part. Your relationship was mostly out of convenience, leaving you, who had fallen in love with Natasha a few months into your relationship, heartbroken and bitter against the world. You were literally married to this woman, yet she was nothing more than a stranger most nights.

The two of you had lived in the Avengers Tower for around a year when she brought the concept of a convenience-based marriage. She dragged you into a dark room, and you had honestly believed that you were about to meet death right then and there until she had dropped that bombshell.

"We need to get married," She had stated bluntly, looking down at you as you sat in the chair she had practically forced you into.

"Huh-? Natasha, what the hell??" You replied, looking up at the redhead as the slight slivers of light from the window illuminated her sharp green eyes as they stared down at you.

A few long moments pass, the only noise in the room being that of her and you breathing.

She sighed, just blinking for a minute before sitting down.

"Look, Y/N..." Natasha began, twirling a pen on her fingers, the ball point moving quickly as it spun around in her hand.

Your vision fell to the pen, then back up to the assassin.

"Out of every Avenger here, you're the one I'm most comfortable doing this with. This isn't anything romantic, but it's purely for our benefit," She explained, her hands placed on the table as she leaned in.

"Our benefit? How exactly?" You looked at her curiously, becoming intrigued by the offer against your better judgment.

"Tax benefits, credits to be specific. It would also be a way for you to ward off those annoying ass fans of yours," Natasha's head gestured to your left towards the only window (and light source) in the room that gave a view of the city below.

You sighed, you knew that last statement was true. As an Avenger, when you gained strength you would also have creepy and obsessed fans who would devote their life to you in some parasocial relationship. Being single didn't help that either, and with having The Black Widow holding your hand out in public acting as your wife, you knew the amount of obsessed fans (public ones at least) would decrease.

"You don't have to agree to this, but if you want it, meet me in my compound later," She'd said before leaving the room.

You sat in that room for a long while, debating your options.

But eventually you came to a conclusion.

"Natasha?" You knocked on the redhead's door, sighing as she opened the door. "We have a deal."

You barely managed to see the notoriously rude Avenger crack a small smile.

"Alright, we'll figure out the legal shit in the morning," Her smile dropped once again, before gently shutting the door.

The two of you were married in the courthouse after less than a week following the conversation in the room, leaving you married in the eyes of the general public and more importantly the government and tax office.

Nothing had really changed between you two in terms of your emotional connection. Sure the other Avengers would tease you about being married and would constantly compare the two of you to complete rocks when it came to the love in your marriage, but you didn't mind because you and her were only in this for convenience, it wasn't like you actually liked each other.

That last fact however, changed around a year into your "marriage".

You sat alone in the main lounge room in the tower, most of the others out on some minor missions, almost the entire crew excluding you and Natasha, who had been injured in a previous mission and was forced to stay at the compound. As her "spouse", the rest of the crew sacrificed you to stay with her under yet another one of their "funny" jokes against your arrangement. You didn't really mind being told to stay in the building though, it gave you a free day off.

Turned on in the background was some random reality TV show that consisted more of fake tears and drama then any actual real glimpse of human emotion, but it was still your vice nonetheless.

With your feet propped on the couch and a bowl of leftover Chinese food in your hands, you watched the show on the television with lazy eyes. You didn't have any real responsibilities at the moment, Natasha was way too stubborn to even think about letting you take care of her, no matter how "married" you may have been to the rest of the team.

About an hour passed when you heard the assassin's voice come out of the hallway in a groan.

"Ah shit-" She grimaced, walking down the hallway, her stubborn self still refusing any help, even in the form of leaning on the wall.

"Nat?" You paused the TV, placing your bowl of rice on the table before standing up to see what was going on behind you.

"What-?" She gritted her teeth, her bandaged leg faltering her steps and forcing the redhead to slow her pace.

"You know you were told to relax and call me if you needed anything," You sighed, looking your wife up and down in a disapproving manner.

"Y/N, I don't need your help," Natasha scoffed, ever the unwilling to receive assistance.

You let out yet another exhale, and you pulled her to the couch you were once sitting on.

"Yes you do, I'm taking care of this wound," You grabbed a first aid kit before kneeling in front of her to unwrap the old bandages.

You placed gauze on the wound, gentle against the assassin's skin so as to not aggravate the wound.

With gentle hands the assassin obviously wasn't used to, you finished cleaning up her leg, before gently placing Natasha's leg down.

You looked up when you heard her laugh.

"What?"

"You're just like a little housewife aren't you?" She smirked, looking down at you with a cocky expression.

Your eyes widened, and your heart felt as if it was both stopping and speeding up at the exact same time.

Your face broke out into a small blush, and you remained quiet, just darting your eyes away from the green eyes gleaming down at you with a mixture of mischief and teasing.

Fuck.

Later came one of Tony's infamous parties, you'd gotten all dressed up, wearing a small pink dress that highlighted your body, falling right above your knees.

Since the incident that revealed your feelings, you and Natasha didn't even talk, once again returning to strangers. You acted like the other didn't exist, despite feeling empty without the redhead around you. But you attempted to be away from Natasha as much as possible in an attempt to squish your feelings for the older woman.

You stood against the wall, chatting with an old friend who also happened to be a minor acquaintance of Tony's. Your eyes glanced over, and you found yourself staring at Natasha as she discussed...well...whatever she was discussing was some random thing you didn't seem to recall knowing. You assumed her to be another acquaintance of Tony's, most likely an employee or even a news reporter, though you decided on the former.

A small exhale escaped your lips before you turned back to your old friend.

"So, what's been up with you? It's been so long since I've seen you!" You smiled.

"Life's been so chaotic, Y/N, I tell you! But the chaos has honestly all been worth it. After all, I did gain a husband out of it!" They held up their hand, the medium sized diamond on their ring shining under the florescent light of the room.

You gasped.

"You got married??" You exclaimed excitedly.

They nodded.

"I tell you, I didn't see it coming, but married life has been amazing! The man I've loved for 7 years only seems that more special to me, and I didn't even know that was possible!"

In response, you took a sip of your drink, looking down at the hand that held the glass. You internally sighed at the lack of a ring on your finger, but you went back to a smile so as to not give away any sense of the heartbreak you were experiencing.

You were originally okay with the arrangement you shared with Natasha, because you never had feelings for the assassin and it wouldn't feel like you had everything you wanted but at the same time nothing you wanted.

But that changed.

You didn't understand where the feelings began, but now your life felt like an empty shell. On the outside, you were married to the one you loved. But on the inside, there was no love in your relationship.

It was all for convenience.

You two hadn't even come in the same car to this party, what made you think you were worthy of truly being married to the woman of your dreams.

Little did you know that Natasha had begun to match your feelings as well, but hid them as much as possible...

"So, Romanoff, what are you up to?" The man Natasha was talking to asked.

"What do you mean?" Natasha asked.

"Have you finally settled down and got yourself a partner?" He pushed her shoulder jokingly.

Natasha tilted her head, crossing her arms.

"No," She said genuinely, seemingly forgetting your entire existence.

"Really? Damn," He sighed with a laugh, adjusting his lean against the wall and smirking.

"What about you?" Natasha questioned out of obligation; she always hated these parties, especially when people she was barely acquainted with came up to her and asked about her personal life.

"I haven't gotten a partner yet...but, I met this cutie on a mission and I'm gonna ask them out," He replied, his smirk only increasing.

The redhead raised her eyebrows in curiosity.

"Really? Who?" She asked.

The man pointed his thumb to the side gesturing to you as you continued to talk with the old friend of yours.

"The one in the pink," He licked his lips.

The redhead looked around, before eventually finding who he was pointing at. When she saw it was you he was pointing at, a rush of anger coursed through every one of Natasha's veins, and she felt one of them sticking out of her forehead.

"They're married." Natasha spat, biting the inside of her cheek.

The man furrowed his eyebrows.

"Really? They don't have a wedding ring, and they never mentioned it," He looked over at you.

Natasha grit her teeth, clenching her fists.

"Yeah. They're married," She glared.

"Woah, okay!" The man laughed nervously. "What's got your panties in a twist?"

Natasha adjusted her lean, and she looked off to the side.

"I don't have anything in a twist, just giving you the truth," She tossed her braid over her shoulder.

The man gave her an awkward look, but eventually rolled his eyes.

"Alright Romanoff, whatever you say," He replied.

Hours passed and Natasha stood in the back silently, recollecting her feelings towards you and your marriage in general.

When that man mentioned you, she had felt guilt washing through her veins. She actually forgot about your marriage. Why did that make her upset though? She wasn't supposed to actually fall in love with you... She hadn't had a crush in years before she realized her feelings for you. She felt her heart beating faster than normal when she saw you, and she recently felt the need to actually be yours for the rest of your life.

Why did this have to be so confusing?

The end of the party finally came, and Natasha looked up to see you leaving.

It was now or never.

Natasha pushed herself off the wall, and she quickly followed you before grabbing your hand.

You snapped your head to find the redheaded assassin looking at you with an angry and jealous expression.

"Nat-?" You stuttered, feeling your legs go weak at your wife's dominant nature.

"Do you want to come home with me?" She practically growled. "Just answer yes or no."

You blushed, your eyes darting around the room and eventually locking with Natasha's green irises.

You didn't understand where any of this had come from, one moment you were walking home alone and now you were being held by the wrist by the woman of your dreams.

"Yes-" You blurted without thinking, your libido and heart acting before your brain could even process the situation.

Natasha gripped your hand, storming out towards her car faster than she thought her legs would carry her just to be with a person. She'd only moved this quickly to either carry out a mission or to train, never for a person she wanted to be with. No, the feared Black Widow never chased after anyone. But tonight that had changed.

She practically threw you into the passenger's seat of her car, buckling your seatbelt for you before making a beeline for her own spot in the car.

You sat there in shock as Natasha started the engine before pulling out of the parking lot.

"Natasha...what is this?" You asked, pressing your thighs together as a sense of arousal coursed through your body.

"Малышка...I'm in love with you. I can't stand this marriage not being anything more than tax benefits. I want you. I need you." Her hand found its way to your thigh, her palm and digits can eerily close to where you needed her most.

"Natasha..." You repeated her name like a prayer. "I need you too...I can't handle this. Since I took care of you that day, I needed you. Either to kiss my lips or fuck me senseless, I've needed you for too long,"

Natasha's grip on your thigh tightened, and a small moan escaped your lips as her digits snaked closer and closer to your achy and needy pussy.

"Keep talking like that, Ангел, and I'll fuck you so hard you won't be able to utter anything but my name and your beautiful moans," The redhead kept one hand on the steering wheel, practically glaring at the road ahead.

"Maybe I want that..." Your hand overlaps the one on your thigh, and you move Natasha's hand to cup your heated sex, allowing a moan to escape both your lips and Natasha's.

"What are you comfortable with? I want you to enjoy this as much as I do," She said, her voice husky from her heightened libido.

"I want you to do whatever you want, I love anything minus ass stuff, choke me, spank me, do whatever, I just need you,"

The assassin rolled her head back.

"God damn it Ангел..." She groaned, and even in the darkness, you noticed a small bulge sticking out of her pants, *she was hard*.

You knew she had a cock, you'd heard her mention it during her discussion with you about her life in the red room. But God you didn't know it was that big.

"Nat...you're hard-" You blurted, as if you hadn't just said the most obvious thing in the world.

"I know, принцесса," Natasha maneuvered your hand to place it on her cock, her Russian accent bleeding through her words the more and more worked up she got. "Look what you do to me, моя маленькая шлюшка,"

Her husky and slightly strained voice only made your pussy all the more soaked, and you shuddered at the feeling of her rock hard cock under your palm and her clothes.

"I-I..." You faltered, unable to say anything at all as you kept your hand virtual glued to her cock.

"We're almost home, no one else will be there, so I wanna hear your moans get as loud as possible. I want to hear every noise your beautiful voice makes," Natasha groaned, rutting her hard cock against the palm of your hand.

"Yes Nat..." You whimpered, squirming in your seat while your achy pussy sat in its own arousal.

"Good girl," She breathed, finally pulling into the tower's parking lot before unbuckling you and scooping your body up into her arms as if you weighed no more than a feather to her.

She carried you to her room in the compound, throwing you onto her king sized bed that laid somewhat prominent in her bedroom.

"Natasha," You repeated her name for the umpteenth time that night, your brain seemingly already fried enough so that you couldn't say anything but her name despite her having barely even touched you. "Please...take me,"

The assassin unzipped her pants, allowing for her cock to finally be released from the constraints that left both of you frustrated.

You groaned at the sight of her dick as she pulled down her pants along with her underwear, leaving her with an obviously erect eight and a half inch cock in her hand.

She looked over at you, eventually leaning down and sliding off your dress with skilled fingers. The pink fabric was tossed on the floor alongside her bottom garments, leaving you in just your underwear.

"God you know...I've wanted this for so long, to feel like we were actually married. To feel like you're actually mine..." She smashed her lips into yours, her hand finding its way around your neck and squeezing just enough at the sides to make your pussy clench around nothing.

You moaned at the rough treatment your neck was enduring, and your legs remained shaky as Natasha positioned herself between them.

She left hickeys across the sensitive flesh on your neck, moans escaping you every time she released your skin from the grip of her lips.

"You know, I've had my hand stroking my cock for months, wondering how tight this little pussy would be just for me-" Natasha bit down on your neck, slapping your wet and achy pussy to emphasize your statement.

"Oh God-!" You cried out at the spanking on your sore cunt.

Natasha virtually ripped off your lacy white underwear, and followed along with your bra, releasing your tits from the cage that had been restricting her from the sight of your soft breasts for the whole night.

"Do you want this?" She asked, lifting her mouth up from your soft and supple skin that had been littered with blemishes to look straight in your eyes.

"Yes- I want this..." You shuddered under her touch, a small cry stuck in your throat that developed under the constant teasing.

"Y/N, are you sure?" The green-eyed woman looked at you, a sudden but very brief sense of kindness and care flooding over her otherwise angry and horny gaze.

"Yes- Please! Just don't tease any more-! Please Daddy!" You cried, the sinful noise finally escaping your throat as your head rolled back.

You paused right after the moan left your mouth, your eyes widening and your hand immediately slapping over your mouth.

"Oh God- Natasha I'm so-"

Natasha gripped at your throat.

"Don't. Apologize." She growled, pumping her cock with her hand to get it nice and ready for your little cunt. "But if you keep calling me that I will fuck that cunt until you're crying, or do you not want that?"

You looked up at her as she loomed over your body.

"No- I want that..." You panted, your chest slowly rising and falling as the air around you became hotter.

"Give me your safe word," Natasha demanded.

"Red," You replied, your arousal somehow increasing at the kindness your wife showed even in her most turned on state.

"Good girl," She purred, her lips pressing into yours once again, both literally and figuratively taking your breath away.

Natasha grabbed a condom off of her nightstand, ripping the foil and sliding the rubber around her thick and hardened cock.

"Daddy...God you're so big..." Your eyes fell to her cock.

"I know, принцecca," The assassin smirked, leaning down to blow softly on your pussy, the sudden cold chill sending shivers down your spine.

Your skin raised under the cold breath she let out between your thighs, and you gripped at her braid.

"Please- Daddy- Don't tease," You begged, your voice wavering under her denial.

She smirked, licking a single stripe up your wet slit. Natasha clicked her tongue a few times, and she cooed at you.

"Ohhh...I know Малышка, you just *need* Daddy's cock in you, don't you?" She smirked, looking up at you.

You nodded violently.

"Please Daddy! Please just fill me up! I'll be good, please just fill me up!" You cried, the feeling of her tongue on you making your body ache for more.

"Such a good girl, I love hearing you beg," Natasha kissed your lips softly before sliding her dick between your folds, rubbing your clit with her thumb.

You moaned at the feeling of her rubbing your clit, but your moan only became louder as she pushed herself inside of you, the tip of her dick rubbing right up against your G-spot.

"Fuck-! Daddy-!!" You moaned, gripping at the sheets below as her cock slipped in and out of your cunt.

You gripped at her hair, your fingers finding their way through her tightly braided locks.

Natasha grunted as she rutted in and out of your tight pussy.

“Damn it Малышка, I never thought you'd be this wet for me…you're beautiful…your hair spread out like this, your pretty pussy clenching around my cock…” She panted, slamming her hips into yours, the sounds of sex filling the environment around you.

Sweat drilled down your face, and your hands quickly made their way to the redhead’s shirt, unbuttoning it and pulling her bra off with the other fabric.

You leaned in, pulling her close as you kissed down her neck, the only thing interrupting your movements being the cries and moans that left your lips.

“Please, please. Oh God!” You groaned against her.

“I know slut, it feels good doesn't it? Doesn't it feel so good? Fucking christ-” Natasha moaned, her orgasm creeping up on her body as her movements got more and more erratic the closer she got to finishing.

“Daddy…I'm gonna come! Please! I'm gonna come! Please let me cum! I've been such a good girl for you! Please!!” You kissed her passionately, your fingers digging into her skin for any sense of support.

Natasha groaned.

“Me too, come with me принцecca,” Natasha gripped your throat, leaving somewhat visible handprints on your flesh. “Боже мой!! Черт возьми, принцесса! Ты мне нужен! Дерьмо! Ебать!!” She slammed her hips into you, her cum coating the inside of the condom as she finished.

“Fuck! Fuck! Daddy!!” You moaned simultaneously, your orgasm washing over you as you fell back into the bed.

Natasha groaned, barely holding herself up by her arms, just as exhausted as you.

The assassin slowly pulled out of you, kissing your forehead as you whimpered from the empty feeling in your pussy.

“C'mere beautiful,” She laid down next to you, sliding off her cum filled condom and throwing it in the trash before pulling you into her arms.

“…I love you, Natasha…” You muttered against her neck, burying yourself in her scent as your naked bodies intertwined.

Natasha smiled gently, running her hands through your messy hair, her fingers tangling in your locks.

“I love you too, Y/N,” She murmured into your hair, taking in the scent of your shampoo and using it as a lifeline and a reminder that this truly was real.

“Can we try this marriage for real this time?” You looked up at her, your hand falling to hers and tangling your fingers together.

“Of course we can…I've been waiting to ask you that for so long now…” She laughed softly, kissing you softly on the lips.

You kissed her back, sharing the first of many kisses of your marriage, but this time the marriage was finally real and not just for convenience.

If you enjoyed reading this, don't forget to like, reblog and comment! Thank you and you are loved <3

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #natasha x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #wlw #wlw ns/fw #nblw #nblw ns/fw #lesbian #bisexual #pansexual #smut #marvel smut #fanfic #marvel fanfiction #akira writes ❤️#trending

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jedi-enthusiasm-blog · 2 months ago

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"The Jedi are stuck in their ways! They still don't allow marriage!"

Woah. There's too much to unpack here.

Marriage has baggage, even in the GFFA. It's an institution that has been used to abuse and opress people, even in Star Wars (Nightbrothers and Nightsisters inmediately come to mind). It's reasonable that, to a culture like the Jedi who are all for compassion, equality and non-possessive relationships, this baggage would at least give some pause.

To add to the above point, if they were allowed to marry, why would they do it? The benefits of marriage are moot when it comes to the Jedi: raising children is done communally, as far as we know Jedi don't pay taxes, etc.

The only way I can see them marrying is if it's something important for their birth culture or if it's something their partner wants to do. And even then that's an if.

Plus, why do people marry? For companionship? The Jedi have that more than covered. Children? There are hundreds of children in the Order, I don't think having bio-children would cross their minds. Because of social pressure? That wouldn't exist in the Order because their whole thing is "duty first" and "no attachments", which means they wouldn't care much for marriage (something that typically is used to say you love that person above all else, which a Jedi cannot do). Because they feel lonely? They have like, thousands of people in their corner, all of them compassionate and supportive.

Moreover, have you considered that the Jedi way of life is so fulfilling people wouldn't feel the urge to marry? That they're completely happy with their lives? That they're connected to the soul of the universe and have reached spiritual enlightenment, and marriage pales in comparison?

Legends supports my point. In Cade Skywalker's time, despite marriage being technically still allowed, most Jedi choose to not get married. Aayla Secura, Kit Fisto, Siri Tachi and the man the myth the legend Obi-Wan Kenobi himself are all Jedi who fall in love, yet choose not to pursue a relationship because being a Jedi is much more important to them. And in canon the Jedi who get into relationships are Kanan and Cal, after Order 66 where they wouldn't have an entire community right behind them. Quinlan Vos falls in love with Ventress but returns to the Order if I remember right, but this part is foggy so excuse me if I misremember.

I'm biased because I don't even want a relationship, but… why the heck are y'all so obsessed with marriage and babies? Why are we using a culture allowing or not allowing marriage as a baseline for progress?

Why is marriage so important to you people that you cannot understand that some people set it aside to focus on other things for pragmatic, work-related, religious and spiritual reasons, or a simple lack of desire?

Just food for thought.

#star wars #pro jedi #pro jedi code #marriage has a lot of baggage even in the GFFA #it can be used to trap people in abusive relationships #some people want to marry despite that #that's alright #some people DON'T want to marry because of it or for other reasons #that's fine too #but this obsession with it isn't healthy #if the order doesn't allow marriage so what? the freedom they DO have far outweights it and frankly I don't think they'd care

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scribblestatic · 5 months ago

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So, like, if you've read SVSSS far enough, you know about the Bingmei vs Bingge part. And there's all sorts of stories with Bingge (basically a PIDW Binghe, not SVSSS Binghe) finding his own shizun in various ways.

Well, what about if he manages to summon a Shen Yuan, but his soul is in Shen Jiu's body? Which, like, wouldn't really be a problem, except he's already been torturing Shen Jiu for a good while now and he's down an eye and all of his limbs are mostly stubs at this point. Thankfully he still has his tongue and penis, which, after so often demanding Shen Jiu be castrated, he's pretty jazzed that didn't happen.

Shen Yuan, being the absolute freak he is, probably wouldn't mind too much. After all, he'd read this part of the story and cheered it on. Just cause he's now experiencing it himself, doesn't mean the revenge was any less cathartic.

Though, well, the dreams he has about what Shen Jiu went through does dampen his enjoyment of his suffering (so many lives lost that he can do nothing about, so much torment that just cycled on because no one thought to seek help, because the world was built so firmly on cruelty)...

And perhaps he'd woken up sobbing at times, crying his apologies to Binghe as though he was the one who had done all those terrible things to him, but he didn't, but those dreams were so vivid and felt so real

The girls at the Warm Red Pavilion, were they okay? Shen Jiu never had sex with them, only kept company to avoid the boys when he couldn't sleep and trained them in the four arts and gathered information from them, gods, he'd misunderstood Shen Jiu and thought him a remorseless villain and enemy to women

Liu Qingge, fuck--

At least now he can help Binghe actually enjoy his life and perhaps stop the cycle of abuse from continuing. Besides, cool motive, Shen Jiu, still child torment. And though the results were quite drastic, it was the dog-eat-dog world of xianxia China, and life was generally unfair. No reason to make Binghe's life needlessly unfair on top of everything.

But yeah! Now that he's in Shen Jiu's body, he and Luo Binghe get to talk, and Binghe, for the first time in his life, experiences regret for his actions, because now his lovely new kind shizun can't card his fingers through his hair or twist little braids into it. Moreover, Shen Yuan somewhat mourns over the fact Binghe's hair is straightened--he loved reading about his bouncy curls.

So now, imagining that, after time, Shen Yuan becomes a more prominent figure in the empire, especially post-marriage. He has a lovely eyepatch and wears soft red, black, and gold clothes, heavy on the red and gold. This nearly limbless man helps Luo Binghe do his taxes and works out various tips on using beasts to the benefit of the empire and remembering small notes about other races that allows the Demon Emperor to be both magnanimous and fierce in whomever's eyes he meets.

Others can't decide if Shen Qingqiu's mind was utterly broken, if he was cursed to act against his own will, or if he was possessed by some strange spirit. Regardless, the realms have never been in such peace before now.

Moreover, Luo Binghe has started changing.

While he can never regain the height lost to a childhood full of suffering and a lack of nutrients, he can change in other ways. He actually eats healthier because Shen Yuan insists on having him eat as well. He steadily stops straightening his hair, letting his curls return until they're like clouds. His muscles grow in firmer and his chest broadens.

Also, as he and his kind shizun speak further, even though he explores the worst parts of himself and uncovers those dirty, evil deeds and the ways they truly hurt him, Xin Mo doesn't get the chance to latch onto them anymore. As painful as discussing those things are...releasing them is exceptionally freeing. So, a sense of inner strength and ease he never had before starts to settle in his body, and his qi, usually constantly battling, stabilizes more than before, his heart demons no longer so adamant or strong.

As a side-effect of both parts, he was already handsome, but now, he's even more so. A wise, secure man no longer so strongly gripped by hatred, lust, or greed. Someone unforgivable to many, but becoming okay with forgiving himself.

Indeed, what a man!

Which is kinda a shame for Luo Binghe's many wives, because he's been heavily trimming down on his harem. Political marriages are substituted for other exchanges, fervent troublemakers are sent back to their homes (the ones who dared to attack his A'Yuan are never heard from again, strangely), and wives who simply ask for divorce are granted them, receiving a hefty gift for at least being loyal whilst married.

So, previously, a harem once numbering into the hundreds falls to the tens, and the remaining ones are either ambivalent or antsy.

Then, as though to answer everyone's burgeoning questions, he names Shen Yuan his empress during a meeting and proclaims that they will make preparations for his crowning ceremony.

I feel like that'd really set off what remained of Cian Qiong Mountain Sect.

Hmm... I think I'll talk more about this later.

---

Part 1: here Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Part 11+: links on Part 10

AO3

#static writes #svsss #original luo binghe #luo bingge #shen yuan #amputee sy au #au post 1 #bingqiu #bingyuan

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writingfool001 · 11 months ago

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Unexpected Events

Author’s Note: When I presented the prompt, this request came first so sorry to Malleus requests. I may do one later. Also I absolutely love indie or alternative style jewelry. As much as jewels are lovely and pretty, I like the interesting shapes or designs of them. For those who need a mental visual, imagine hot topic’s silver looking rings that are sold in packs.

Pairing: Azul x GN! Reader

Warning: newly wedded, You/ your pronouns, and reader is gender neutral. We’re going to act like both (YN) and Azul are 18. Also (Y/N) is a second year and a childhood friend.

“Potato, what is that?”

“Hm?” You are brought out of your thoughts and look at your hand. “A ring? I wear a few rings.”

“Obviously,” Vil rolled his eyes. “But why are you wearing one on your marriage finger?”

“Maybe (Y/N) got proposed to by a distant prince or suitor?” Kalim chimed in.

“Pssh as if.” Leona grumbled.

“I also wonder why you’re wearing a ring on your ring finger.” Riddle added. “It sticks out of the ones you wear.”

“I saw it and liked it. I may not have expensive rings like Vil or Leona, but this one caught my eye, and it just happens to fit this finger.” you answered, waving off their suspicion.

The only reason that you were wearing one was due to a foolish decision that you made when you were younger and didn't fully know the laws on marriage for Merpeople. This was only brought to your attention recently.

There was a furious banging on your door, and you opened it to be welcomed by immediate dried rice being thrown at you which you immediately closed your eyes.

"Congratulations, shrimpy!" You heard Floyd cheer.

"We're so fortunate to have witnessed such a monumental event." Jade chuckled.

"What?" You exclaim, opening your eyes and brushing the stray rice off of you. "Why did you throw rice at me? What do you mean by monumental event?"

"I've been told by clownfish that people throw rice at married people." Floyd explained.

"I'm not married though and those are at weddings." You respond as your eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Why are you two here exactly?"

"To deliver this to you," Jade presented an envelope to you. "Azul told us to deliver this to you."

You carefully take the envelope before opening it and taking out the paper then begin reading or skimming the page. Yet one line stood out.

As of this year, the Coral Sea government now recognizes your marriage to Azul - is valid.

….

…

"What?!" You yelled as you reread the line before closing your door and making your way to your alleged husband as the twins followed.

As the meeting started, you were somewhat listening as you fidgeted with the octopus ring. There were several topics that were touched on as it was school related. When I was acknowledged, you just replied with uh huh.

"You're not even listening." Azul spat.

"I don't need to because it's always the same with you. Poor unfortunate souls and shady deals followed by you going on about who knows what." You retort back.

“You both bicker like an old married couple.” Leona groaned, causing Kalim to laugh and Vil to chuckle.

That comment made you think back to how you confronted Azul.

I busted through the door as Floyd whined about how he didn't have any more rice to throw. Jade only chuckled and pulled his brother away, leaving Azul and you alone.

"I see you got the news about our current endeavor." Azul calmly stated as you closed the door. “It would appear that we are married.”

"We don't have a marriage license." I pointed it out, thinking that would change anything. “Wouldn’t that make it invalid?”

“They already did a background check on us and delivered us one.” He slid the piece of paper over you which showed the government issued marriage license.

"Tax write off and other benefits we can both enjoy." Azul corrected.

"How are you calm about this?" You question him, glaring at him suspiciously.

"As I said, it is beneficial for both of us and when one of us decides to split, then we can just divorce." Azul repeated calmly which fell off in a way, yet you agreed with that arrangement.

It's never that simple with Azul. One thing you learned from your friendship was always read between the lines. Especially when it came to Azul.

Only Jade and Floyd knew about the marriage between you two. Jade would stop Floyd before letting it slip too far if you all are around others in public. There is the occasional bickering, but nothing to the point that either of you say anything extremely hurtful to one another. Eventually, the marriage thing slipped both of your minds and you went about your normal day to day lives.

You were scrolling through Magicam as you looked at endless posts that had rings that would be considered funky or strange and would fall under the indie style category. You saved a few to look at later. You didn’t know that Azul caught a glance over your shoulder and remembered that you would always wear a few rings that sat on the base of your fingers and a few thin knuckle ones. All the rings you wore were more indie than anything. Tasteful and interesting yet nothing too crazy.

One night, you were sitting in Azul's office, studying since it was the only place that was quiet enough and no one would think you were off the top of their head. While you studied, Azul was working on contracts at his desk as you both enjoyed doing your own thing while still being in the same room.

As you were in the middle of reading a page, you heard Azul clear his throat and look up to see him set a small black box on the table.

“I noticed that you have a certain taste in rings, and I saw this one. It reminded me of you.” He explained sheepishly, even though he tried hiding his reluctance. You both held eye contact in silence for a few seconds before he went back to working on his contracts, leaving you to your own devices.

You looked at the ring and it was simple, yet it had a unique flare to it. Looking back to see Azul went back to being busy. You slip it on and quietly walk over closer to him so that you can see the small wrinkle in his nose he gets when he's focused.

You lean over and kiss his cheek, catching him off guard.

"Awe you still look so cute when you blush." You lightly tease, making his cheek get rosy.

"I'm not cute.” He grumbled as he went back to work where you noticed a slight outline under his glove, particularly on his ring finger, making you chuckle.

Maybe being married to him for now wouldn't be so bad.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x mc #twst azul x reader #azul x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #twisted wonderland azul #azul ashengrotto

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rogueddie · 1 year ago

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Watching smosh read reddit stories where they're struggling to understand what sounds like an aromantic / queer platonic relationship and I'm laughing bc it sounds like a situation that Steve and Robin would get themselves into.

They would 100% share a bed every night, and it would be Robin sneaking into his room at first bc she can't sleep without nightmares unless he's right there. She needs to be holding him and eventually it just makes sense to share a bed all the time. They turn the second room into a guest room.

They would undoubtedly look into ways they could have a baby together. The only barrier would be sex and they can find ways around that. They'd love the idea of a little Steve-Robin hybrid running around. They can finally have the baby they've always dreamt of, with the benefit of knowing their soulmate is right there with them.

They would always be looking for love- romantic or sexual- outside of each other too and wouldn't see anything weird about it. They're just friends, there's nothing romantic there, and they have needs they want met. Whenever anyone side eyes them, they're clueless about it.

Robin would definitely bring Steve to meet her parents during the holidays too. She'd want to show him off, pointing at him whenever anyone listens to her for more than a second so she can rant about how much he cares about her and makes sure she's always happy.

They'd probably end up getting married too. At first for tax reasons, but then it starts to add up bc of course they're going to be tied together forever. And, thanks to their marriage, they have a shiny cirtificate they can point to, a legal document that means that they belong together.

And they're just friends, that's it, nothing more. They're in love, but it's entirely platonic. And of course, no one really gets it. But they do. And they're happy. So what does it matter?

#stranger things #steve harrington #robin buckley #platonic with a capital p #pwacp

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bumblebugwrites · 2 years ago

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Borrowed and Blue

Pairing: Anthony Lockwood x fem!Reader

Summary: In another brilliant plot to keep the agency afloat, Lockwood decides to marry you for tax benefits. Only he seemed to have forgotten to let you know. With an inspector from DEPRAC coming to ensure the legitimacy of your marriage, what’s left but to tell you the truth? Only you don’t take it too well. And you happen to be the world’s worst liar.

Warnings: Cursing, Minor angst, Unedited writing.

A/N: So “Lover” coded that I had to indulge myself with the title.

Word Count: 3.1k

“Luce, I’ll need you to go to Satchell’s and pick some salt-bombs; we’ve been running pretty low lately. And George, once you’ve hit the Archive for the day, if you could–”

As Lockwood’s incessant directions continued, you allowed your head to slump forward so as to obscure his looming figure with the shape of the quickly cooling mug in your hands.

“Oh, and that reminds me (Y/N), the inspector’s coming round this afternoon to ensure the validity of our marriage, so I’ll need you to be prepared for that.” That sentence alone was enough to pull you away from your own thoughts.

“Excuse me?” The question was followed by a soft chuckle, the kind you only managed when you’d been caught off guard.

“Did I forget to tell you about the visit?”

“You’re joking, right?”

Across the small table, George cleared his throat awkwardly, moving to make his escape before Lucy’s sweater-clad arm shot out, pulling him back into his seat, fully enthralled with the happenings before her.

“Lockwood?” From his place at the counter, he hummed back in response. Still, the brunet had busied himself at an unprecedented pace with making a piece of toast and refused to turn his head in acknowledgment.

“This is a joke, right? Because I would know if we were actually married, right?” He made no answer, but his avoidance of your gaze had already been enough to send you over the edge, and you nearly reeled as a physical spike of panic shot through your core.

“Anthony Lockwood, you answer me right now.” You were standing now and teetering on the edge of making your way out into the entry and returning with some choice words and your rapier.

“Well, it’s not like you missed the marriage. I did bring you along.”

“What?”

“You remember that day I brought you with me to the Register Office?”

“You said you needed someone to co-sign the water bill.”

“I gave you a ring–”

“You said you got that out of one of those coin machines full of toys! I thought it was just a silly gift!”

“Right, well, I’m not buying you another wedding ring, so you had better still have it.”

“Lockwood! You can’t just marry someone without asking!” By now, you had left your seat to jab angrily at his chest as you marked each new point. From her place beside George, Lucy slurped at her tea.

“Look, I had already mortgaged the house to hell and back, and we needed the money desperately, so I figured an extra tax write-off couldn’t hurt.” And though it shouldn’t have, the rage quelled itself a little.

“Why didn’t you just ask me?” But your voice lacked the anger from before, hitting sharper as each word was tinged with hurt.

“You would have said no. And besides, you’re a terrible liar.” Lockwood flashed you with his signature smile at that last bit, and you couldn’t help the warmth that began to bloom deep within you. You had to admit, being married to Lockwood wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Especially with the insufferable feelings you’d been housing for the boy for the last year and a half. Still, this was not how you wanted things to go.

“But wait, that trip to the Register’s Office was at least a year ago. Why are they coming for a visit now?” One of Lockwood’s hands which had planted itself on your shoulder in a soothing gesture, leapt up to scratch at the back of his neck.

“Well, the thing is, because we aren’t legally adults and neither of us have any parents to sign off on a marriage, I had to pull some strings with DEPRAC to get the license to even go through. So now, every year, to make sure everything is all legal, or whatever–” Lockwood raised his hands to form air quotes around the word legal but quickly retracted them as you swatted at the gesture.

“--they’ve insisted on sending an agent to perform a kind of check-in. To make sure we’re still in love and all that.”

“Still?” George questioned, only to be met with a prompt smack to the head from Lucy.

“So are you saying we could lose our jobs over this?”

“Let’s not forget the house,” supplied Lucy from behind her mug.

“And the house?” Lockwood didn’t answer immediately, instead selecting to fix his eyes on the floor.

“Presumably, yes, that could be one outcome–”

“Oh my god,” George groaned, moving his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“But not if all goes well,” Lockwood reassured the group.

“Right, so let me get this straight, the fate of our careers–”

“And our home,” Lucy interjected once more.

“And our home, is all in the hands of (Y/N), a notoriously bad liar, lying to a Fittes agent about a marriage she was unaware of until this morning?” George questioned.

“That would be correct.”

“We are so fucked.”

It had taken Lucy an hour to calm you down, let alone lure you out from under the covers of your shared bed.

“I’ll kill him if you’d like me to.”

“Urgh, it’s not that, Luce, it’s just–”

“It’s just that you wanted things to go differently?” Lucy raised a suggestive eyebrow as a slow smirk spread across her face, but there was no malice in her look. Embarrassed, you turned to hide your face in the pillow beside you.

“Look, Lockwood’s a twat, but he cares about you, and I’m sure if you asked, he would end the whole thing in a second. He was just, well, I hate to say it, but he was just trying to look out for us. In his own, extremely fucked up Lockwood way.” Lucy added the last sentence in a quick attempt to amend the ever-souring scowl on your face.

“And hey, who knows, maybe something will finally come out of this. I mean, you have to admit, being married is pretty romantic.” She smiled at you, and it was soft, encouraging almost.

“Besides, it’s not like the two of you weren’t going to end up together anyways. If anything, he’s just streamlined the process.” With that, you tightened your grasp on the pillow, swinging it in a deadly arc aimed at her head. Just then, a third voice interrupted your siege.

“Oh, hi Luce, mind if I have a quick word with my wife?”

Your eyes grew wide as they took in Lockwood’s lanky figure, leaning with ease against the railing at the head of the stairs.

“Too soon, Lockwood,” you grumbled, and for a moment, the suave smirk didn’t reach his eyes. Still, he moved slowly into the room as Lucy made her exit, throwing you a thumbs up as she descended from out of the attic.

Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, careful not to crush your legs beneath the covers, he appeared almost nervous before his hand disappeared into his pocket and rematerialized, holding a small velvet box.

“This is for you.” He smiled to himself, sweet and boyish, as he was in moments like these. Moments with just you two. As you moved to take the box from his grasp, his fingers touched yours, lingering against them for just a second before pulling away.

The box was old. That much was immediately obvious. And the hinges keeping it together were rusty enough to make opening it a bit of an effort, but when the lid lifted, your breath caught in your throat.

“Oh, Lockwood, it’s beautiful.” You sat in awe of the small ring nestled within the box’s velvet folds. It was simple but elegant, with a single gem at its center, and you couldn’t help but reach out to trace the smooth metal of its shank.

“Where did you–”

“It was my mothers.” His voice was vulnerable, barely above a whisper.

“Lockwood, I can’t–”

“It’s fine, really. Besides, it's just for today.” But you could see the stress the simple action caused him from the way he toyed with the wedding band now looped around his own finger.

“Anyways, I really just came up here to go over the plan.”

“The plan?” You balked, eyes snapping away from the heirloom in your hands.

“Yes, we need a story, of course. How we fell in love, how we came to be married. You should know our wedding anniversary as well. April 14th, remember that.”

“April 14th? But that’s today.”

“And?”

“I– I haven’t gotten you anything.”

“Well, it's not like this is a real marriage.”

“Oh. Right.”

“I’m thinking we say I fell in love first, then you. Women love that sort of thing–”

“No, no, we should say we’ve been in love since the moment we met,” you argued, thinking of your own feelings.

“Well, that’s not very realistic.”

“Doesn’t mean it isn– can’t be true.”

“I suppose so.”

“Maybe we should both just think of our own moment. When we fell in love with the other.” Lockwood seemed suddenly to choke on air but quickly coughed his way past it.

“Great idea.”

“We can say you proposed on a bridge overlooking the Thames,” you suggested, but Lockwood only scoffed at the idea.

“Actually, I was thinking we could say it happened on a mission. Maybe you were hurt, and I was afraid I might lose you forever. That when I realized you were alright, I asked you to marry me on the spot. That I didn’t see the point in wasting any more time on anyone else.”

Your mouth grew dry at his suggestion, and the best you could attempt was a meek nod in response.

“Perfect,” he stood quickly, as though brushing off the intimacy of the moment, and began to head for the stairs, “I’ll leave you to finish getting ready then.” By the time you’d managed to grasp your words, he had disappeared from your line of sight, leaving you alone with your thoughts and his mother’s ring.

You were descending the stairs when the knock came, and you felt your hand move to twist anxiously at the ring newly decorating your finger. At the bottom of the stairs, Lockwood turned his head just in time to meet your gaze, the nervous look plastered across his face softening into one of ease. Probably just for show. You reassured yourself, straightening your shoulders as you reached the final step. Just before opening the door, the boy beside you cast some final words in your direction.

“Remember, I’ll do most of the talking.”

You could only nod in response as the door swung open, revealing the DEPRAC agent. She seemed immediately to be a severe woman with a stern look set deep within her face and eyes that scanned each of you suspiciously before entering the home.

“Is there somewhere you’d prefer for me to conduct my interview.”

“That would be the library,” answered Lockwood, jumping into action, “(Y/N) love, how about you pop the kettle on and maybe grab some biscuits.”

“Of course.” You smiled, but it was forced, the only mirth in your soul emerging from the sure knowledge that George would have a field day with Lockwood later on for his failure to follow the ‘Biscuit Rule’.

As he departed for the library, guiding the woman along with him, you could already hear the echos of his charming chatter as they bounced off the walls of the home. Everything will be fine, the words looped in a self-soothing mantra, filling every corner of your head as you prayed to any god that would listen to get through this interview in one piece.

“And when would you say you fell in love with Miss. (L/N)?” The woman made no reaction to her question, simply opting to continue scribbling notes on her pad. Thus far, Lockwood had done a successful job of veering most questions away from you, though it would be a miracle if your nerves had gone unnoticed between the incessant bouncing of your leg and your consumption of three separate cups of tea over the span of thirty minutes.

“In love?” Lockwood stuttered beside you, and you and the woman turned simultaneously to inspect him closer, his confident facade nearly shattered at the mention of the word. Still, he recovered rather quickly, retrieving his easy smile only a second later.

“Yes, well, I assume that came before the marriage.”

“Of course. Let’s see, then.” He stopped for a moment as though pondering the question though the movement of his hand as he toyed with his ring confirmed to you he was just nervous. In an action you could only hope appeared natural, you reached over, stilling his fidgeting fingers by lacing them with your own. Lockwood looked suddenly at you, and the quiet crack in his performance showed itself only to your eyes.

“It was six months after we first met. We’d been researching for a big mission all day, and when we finally got home, I passed out. I woke up; it was probably three in the morning by then. Came down to the kitchen for some water and– and there you were, in the library, fast asleep.” Lockwood had long since stopped looking at the inspector. “You were in my armchair. I’d probably seen you in that armchair a thousand times. And you had a case file spread out over your chest. You looked ridiculous. But I knew immediately something had changed. I could feel it as I carried you up to the attic that night and the next morning while I was sat listening to you laugh at George’s stupid jokes. Like those feelings that were just a bit of a bother before were eating me alive. It’s– It’s how I feel every time I look at you: like I’m more afraid than I’ve ever been in my life and yet perfectly at home at the same time.” He was quick to look away when he finished, flashing the DEPRAC agent with a smile and leaving you frozen in the wake of his words, struck by his ability to manipulate the truth.

“Just one more question then. Ms. (L/N), marriage at sixteen that’s not something you see every day. What made you say yes?”

Lockwood’s eyes flashed quickly to your face, but as he opened his mouth, the woman quieted him with a motion of her hand.

“Not you, Mr. Lockwood. I’d like to hear from Ms. (L/N).”

This had not been within the parameters of your preparation. Lockwood’s favorite color, how he took his tea, the date of your anniversary? Easy breezy. You might have even been able to fumble your way through how you’d fallen in love with the arrogant bastard, given its basis in the truth. But you weren’t really married, and you’d never really said yes, so where did that leave you? And like a saving a grace, a question made itself known in your head. If Lockwood had really asked you, why would you have said yes?

“I suppose I didn’t quite understand the proposal at first either.” That much was true; for fucks sake, you’d missed the thing entirely. “But after a while, it made sense. I mean, not a day goes by we aren’t risking our lives for our work. There’s no guarantee of any future with a job like this, so why not marry young? Otherwise, we might not marry at all.” The second part came out rushed, the lie forcing its way past your lips. It wasn’t in your character to be impulsive, even if time seemed to be your enemy. Still, you forced yourself to delve deeper. To seek a truthful answer to that lingering question. Your breathing slowed.

“And then, one day, I think I realized that for me, it was always going to be Lockwood. That had he asked me five or ten or even twenty years down the line when we were old and boring, I’d of still said yes. Because– Well, because I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”

You turned your head slowly to catch Lockwood’s eyes lingering on your face. His expression was unreadable. Your brow creased in your efforts to learn more from the set of his features, and for a moment, you lost yourself in him.

The woman’s notebook snapped shut. You felt yourself scramble from the loveseat you’d been sharing with the boy, and he followed close behind.

“That’s all from me. The agency will contact you in a few days to follow up, but as far as I’m concerned, you’ve passed.”

Without giving time for the information to be digested, she stood and left. Turning to face Lockwood, you were quick to pull his mother’s ring from your finger and place it in his palm.

“Well, now that that’s finished–”

“(Y/N)--”

“I’ll be in the attic–”

“(Y/N).”

“Lots of research, probably.”

“How did you do that.” The look on his face was one of disbelief when you finally met his gaze again.

“What?” You knew what.

“You know what. You can’t lie to save your life. How did you–”

“Really don’t see how this is important, Lockwood–”

“Were you telling the truth?” You were silent for a moment.

“You got us into this. I could’ve– I would’ve stayed silent forever, but you had to come up with another insufferable plot. And I’m sorry, I can’t lie like it’s some sort of second language– That was quite good, by the way, the way you made me feel– made it seem like there was some chance in hell that you loved me back–”

He dragged you in all at once, catching you by the waist and interrupting your scattered thoughts with his lips. Kissing you. Soft at first, but deeper, harder, as you brought your hands up to his neck. As you kissed back. By the time he pulled away, you were breathless.

“It was never– I was never– God if I thought I could lie my way through this, I would’ve asked George or Lucy even. It had to be you because– because it was always real with you. I have loved you ever since I met you. That night in the library only confirmed it.”

“I thought that was unrealistic.”

“Maybe for someone who's never been in love with you.”

“Ask me again if I’ll marry you.”

“Again?” His eyebrows raised at the implication that there had been a first time.

“Just do it, you twat.”

“(Y/N) (L/N), will you marry me?”

“A million times yes, Anthony Lockwood. A million times, yes.”

#anthony lockwood #lockwood #lockwood and co #anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood x reader #lockwood and co fanfiction #anthony lockwood fanfiction #lockwood and co netflix #x reader

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clownstillwritesfanfic · 1 month ago

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Willy Wonka SFW Alphabet - REUPLOADED

NSFW version here

PLEASE READ: my old blog (clownwritesfanfic) was deleted when my main blog attached to it got terminated for some unknown reason. I can’t get it back so I’m reuploading everything I had saved in my notes app. Sorry for any inconvenience or disappointment, trust me, I’m devastated, but with your help I can get back to my former glory so PLEASE reblog if you like it 🙏😭

———————————————————————

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Willy isn’t a very touchy person and he isn’t very good with words so he would show his affection through small acts of service or gifts to show that he appreciates you and is always thinking of you.

After being with you for a while he would start to tolerate little touches.

Please be patient with him. The physical affection will come with due time.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Willy is a very introverted man. He didn’t have many friends as a child and once he set out on his journey to become a chocolatier he didn’t have time to make any friends. You could say the Oompa Loompas became his friends and while he does value, appreciate, and care a lot for them, it’s mostly a boss and employee type of relationship.

However you somehow came into his life and declared yourself his friend. Like some friendships, there are ups and downs, pros and cons. But you both get over them soon enough and once he really accepts you as a friend you become as thick as thieves.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’ll only cuddle you once he is fully ok with your touch. He’s not totally reject full of touch, he just doesn’t like strangers touching him. Once he gets to know someone they start to find out how touch starved he really is.

He won’t be clingy but he would be a tad disappointed if you moved away from him.

He’d probably be the big spoon most of the time but please let him be little spoon sometimes.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He’d only be content with “settling down” once he is 100% certain of handing his legacy over to his heir. Once Charlie is old enough and experienced enough to run the factory himself, he’d be ok with settling down. Don’t expect to leave the factory tho. That’s his home, he would never want to leave it. Plus he’d want to be there for Charlie if he ever needs help.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

The only reason I could see him ending a relationship with someone is if their personality just didn’t fit with his or if he felt like his lifestyle wasn’t enough for his partner.

If he felt like you deserved a better life than spending it inside a factory and being away from him most of the day then he would encourage (more like gently force) you to leave and find someone better.

It would be hard for him, since once he likes and trusts someone it would be really hard for him to let them go. He doesn’t want to hurt you but he wants what’s best for you and if that means leaving him then he’ll learn to cope.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Willy doesn’t really see a point in marriage other than getting to call his partner his spouse and the tax benefits.

He thinks that if he’s been in a relationship with you long enough he should be able to call you his spouse if he wanted to, ring or not.

However if you wanted to get married and have a wedding he would do it, just promise him it’s gonna be a very small intimate wedding.

(He’d probably propose with a Ring Pop let’s be honest)

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Sorry to say this but in the beginning, he won’t be very gentle emotionally. He’s used to being alone and he doesn’t like to fight but he’d end up coming off as a little insensitive to your feelings. He doesn’t mean to, he just gets so busy and stressed that you won’t be his top priority for a while.

Physically though, he’s not rough with you what so ever. He doesn’t want to hurt you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

As stated before, he’d have to know you for a while to be comfortable with hugs. The longer he knows you the longer and more often the hugs are.

At the beginning of him getting used to your touch he’d prefer quick side hugs but much later one he’d lovingly accept a full hug.

He wouldn’t like surprise hugs as much. He’d tolerate them but he’d much prefer to know it’s coming.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It would take Willy a LONG time before he could actually say the words. He likes to show his love through actions rather than words. In fact he may not ever say it. He would just assume you know that he loves you based off his actions. If you want him to actually say it you’d have to tell him. But be prepared for the conversation to be deflected, something about you mumbling.

He doesn’t like talking about his feelings so please don’t rush him and understand that he may never say it. But he does love you, you just have to see it rather than hear it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Oh he gets jealous alright. He has never had someone love him the way you do and he doesn’t want to let that go.

He’d try to stay calm, he trusts you but he doesn’t trust the other person. He’d be silently seething, pretending not to notice but his grip on his cane has become increasingly tighter and his jaw is set firm.

Even if he trusts you, you may have to reassure him a bit.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He’s only been kissed once before you. It was when he was younger. He didn’t initiate it, it caught him off guard and he wasn’t very pleased.

Kissing you was different though. Like everything else, it took him a while to do it. It only started out as small pecks until he was comfortable with a full kiss.

He enjoys kissing you but he would rather keep it private and won’t kiss you around other people, not even the Oompa Loompa’s. He’ll allow you to kiss his cheek in front of other people but that’s about it.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

I mean…we’ve all seen the movie. He only tolerates kids if they’re polite and well mannered.

I do not think he would want a child of his own. He’s too busy and he would fear he’d end up like his father.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He gets up early. He’s got a whole factory to run you know.

If you’re a morning person: he would enjoy the time you share getting ready in the morning. Willy is the kind of person to shower in the morning, he’s too tired to do it at night. If you shower in the morning as well then you’d probably shower together. Don’t expect anything naughty to happen tho.

If you’re not a morning person: he’d try to be as quiet as possible to let you sleep in. He won’t let you sleep in too late but he’ll let you get a few more hours in. Before he leaves he’ll give you a kiss on the head.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He’s usually exhausted at the end of the night. So much to do when running a factory and inventing new candies. Sometimes when he’s close to a break through or he’s on an “inventing high” as you like to put it, you have to force him to relax and go to sleep before he over exerts himself.

If neither of you are planning anything…naughty…then you’d both do your night time routines together. Be prepared to be waiting a while for him, his night time routine can be long.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Willy is a very private man. He doesn’t like talking about his childhood or his father and if you try to bring it up he will deflect immediately.

He will start to slowly open up to you more and more over time but it’s hard for him to do. He becomes very vulnerable. He doesn’t like thinking of his past when he has everything he’s ever dreamed of in the present.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He surprisingly has a good amount of patience. He can get ticked off easily but to make him really angry is hard.

You would need an insane amount of patience with him as well. He won’t show physical affection for a long time, he probably won’t talk about you to other people (he’s very private), won’t open up for a while, won’t be around you a lot, and he may come off as insensitive to your feelings sometimes.

He means well, and he does love and care about you. You just have to be patient.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers a surprising amount of things. He’s used to not having a notepad when he has a new idea so his memory has gotten pretty good.

He’s good with remembering little details but he’d be awful with dates and names. Everyday is the same for him so he doesn’t bother checking the date. So he may forget a birthday or anniversary of yours. Please don’t be too mad. He’d make it up to you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favourite memory is probably when he first showed you around his factory. He loved how you lit up with wonder with each new room you saw. He also loved how you treated the Oompa Loompas so well.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s not super protective but he likes to be safe than sorry. He’d rather you stay in the factory, he trusts you to not do anything stupid, plus he knows the Oompa Loompa’s would watch over you. They adore you as well so there’s no way they’d let you get hurt or lost.

However if and when you do decide to leave the factory for a while he’d rather you go out the back. The front is too obvious and he wouldn’t want you to be affiliated with him in public, lest you be hounded by nosy nelly’s. He trusts you, he really does. But he probably would send an Oompa Loompa to secretly tail you just in case. They are small enough to go undetected by the public, but you know. You recognize those footsteps behind you. You can’t be mad at Willy. You understand he just wants to make sure you’re safe. It’s one of the ways he shows he loves you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Willy doesn’t like to half ass anything. However, don’t expect lavish dates or gifts. He may be hella successful but he’s humble as well.

Most dates would happen around the factory and I wouldn’t doubt that he’d have the Oompa Loompa’s choreograph a song and dance for you. Any gift you’d receive he would make himself, he loves giving you new candies to try. It’s his way of letting you get involved in his work.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

If he’s really engrossed in something, he’ll unintentionally ignore you. You could be talking to him and he’ll be like “uh huh” “sounds nice”. He doesn’t mean to, he’s just very invested in his thoughts.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s very vain. He has a whole room just for hair cream. It was made specially for him. Did you see how critical he was of his hair cut? He had a whole head of brown hair and one gray hair freaked him out.

His skin is also always so smooth and soft. His night time routine is so long cause he’s doing skin care.

His clothes are always so clean and neat.

He was very self conscious as a kid, especially with that damn contraption on his head. Now he takes so long to make sure he’s looking and feeling his best.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

When Charlie first declined his offer, he went on a spiral and felt like shit and he barely even knew the boy.

But if you left, he’s sure he wouldn’t survive (he can be quite dramatic). He’d try really hard to keep going, but he’d miss you. He’d miss waking up next to you, seeing you interact with his workers, seeing how your face lit up every time he showed you a new invention. He missed everything about you.

As we know, if Willy isn’t feeling good, his candy won’t taste good. I wouldn’t be surprised if his sales declined. Maybe they’d get so bad he’d have to shut down the factory (again).

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He’s surprisingly good at drawing. It would make sense that he could draw landscapes and scenery considering he had to have drawn the blueprint for Prince Pondicherry’s castle, his factory, and all the rooms inside. But what’s surprising is he can draw people as well.

Many times he’ll find his thoughts drifting away while drawing a new blueprint for a new candy or perhaps a new room and when he finally snaps out of it he notices he’s drawn you. He gets embarrassed but he never throws away any of them. But he also hasn’t shown you. He’s much too embarrassed about that.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Someone who’s all around rotten or selfish. He’s a very generous man so don’t take him for granted. Don’t expect a sugar daddy or anything. He won’t spoil you, but sometimes he may spoil you a tiny bit on special occasions.

He’d also want you to have good hygiene. He’s a very organized and clean man. He doesn’t want someone who’s messy and dirty. (All the depressed bitches punching air rn, I know, I am too lmao)

Also if you don’t like candy or chocolate what the hell are you even doing with him? His whole life revolves around it so he’d only want someone who enjoys it at least a normal amount or as much as him.

Also, have you ever seen how a pet will act aggressively or scared with a certain person but you’ve never seen that person be mean to the pet? It’s the same with the Oompa Loompa’s. He’s very connected with them and can read their body language very well. If you disrespect them when he’s not around, he will know and he won’t stand for it.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

This man is a DEEP sleeper when he’s exhausted. And he’s exhausted a LOT. The only thing that can wake him is his alarm. Have fun trying to wake him yourself. And if you do manage to wake him up, he’s one of those people that wake up scared.

He’ll have the occasional nightmare. If you can’t wake him up (you probably shouldn’t anyway) just reach over and hold his hand or rub his arm, it will calm him down.

He’s also a slight sleep talker. You can’t hold conversations with him but he’ll mumble out some sentences here and there. You’ve caught your name a few times.

#willy wonka #Willy Wonka x reader #catcf #catcf 2005 #charlie and the chocolate factory

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the-fox-with-no-name · 3 months ago

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Aftg skit: Marriage of Convenience

Disclaimer: i know nora sakavic said that Neil and Andrew won't possibly happen I respect that, hear me out.

I have seen this too many times it might make sense. If Neil and Andrew "were" to get married. It would be for financial reasons. Of course they go to the court house, wake up Wymack in the middle of the morning to ask him to be a witness.

Not tell anyone because "not a big deal its marriage of convenience" to say the least. Of course the foxes will be like all over the place. Bets will be lost for sure, Renee might be a second witness and keep quiet. Once everyone finds out well, Allison will be pissed for not being able to set up perfect wedding, Kevin wouldn't care much, Matt and Dan will be upset for not knowing because "technically they adopted Neil as their son" but will get over it. Nicky will loose his marbles and cause a ruckus. Its nicky. Aaron's reaction will be his usual "I dont care bla bla bla," but aaron will sent an anonymous message to Andrew and never speak about it.

Neil figured if he and Andrew get married, it will benefit them when those two decide to find a place of there own or new car, pet insurance for Sir and King, being financially responsible while taking on their pro exy career. Its a pretty smart move and logical if you think about it.

They way I see it play out is:

Neil: "Ever thought about getting married?"

Andrew: [Glances over, expression unreadable] "What would be the point?"

Neil: "Tax breaks, maybe. Legal stuff. Easier to buy a house together."

Andrew: [Snorts] "Right, because that’s exactly what I want more paperwork and people in my business."

Neil: "So, never crossed your mind?"

Andrew: [Shrugs] "It’s a piece of paper. People act like it changes everything."

Later after the discussion which is yes.

Neil: "We’d need two witnesses. Wymack could be one."

Andrew: [Deadpan] "Wymack? You want our coach at our wedding. That’s... disturbingly sentimental."

Neil: "He’d show up. And he’s practical."

Andrew: [Already pulling out his phone] "Sure, if you want Wymack to lecture us halfway through. I’ll call Renee."

Neil: [Raises an eyebrow] "Renee? Not Kevin?"

Andrew: [Smirking] "Renee would bring something useful like sanity. Kevin would bring a sports drink and talk stats the whole time."

Neil: [Shrugs] "Fair enough."

Andrew: [On the phone, calm as ever] "Renee, you busy? Good. You’re witnessing a wedding. No, not a real one. Just sign the damn papers."

Honestly this is just a head canon, im probably not the only who came up with this or different results.

Also Wymack's reaction to being asked to be a witness for Neil and Andrew's so called wedding would probably be a mix of surprise, exasperation, and begrudging acceptance. He wouldn't say no to them if he wanted to. As long as he doesn't have to do a speech or wear a suit.

#aftg #aftg fandom #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #the foxhole court #nora sakavic #the foxes #andriel #coach wymack

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octodrawn · 11 days ago

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accidentally deleted the ask (sorry moose) but polypets headcanons LETS GOOOO!

I can see polypets coming about in multiple ways (all of them crushing on each other, separate couples forming and then merging like 2048, etc) but my favorite idea is that polyboys and polyboys are together (or other polys idk) and then they hold a merger complete with a powerpoint presentation by Russell. It'd probably be a bit awkward at first, but I think they'd get into the swing of things quickly since they were all very close friends before dating.

This isn't necessarily a polypets hc but Minka, Vinnie, Pepper and Penny LOVE watching the twilight movies together. Penny legitimately just enjoys them as movies and Pepper and Minka wanted to watch it for the memes. Vinnie was also there but was like what's the point of a vampire movie if its not scary but after watching he got it. Now they love quoting the movie at each other and laughing their asses off. Also this video is 100% Vinnie and Penny and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Vinnie and Minka are married for tax benefits. Despite the groups closeness, none of them planned on getting married any time soon, but after a long and stressful tax season (especially for Russell, who basically had to do 6 people's paperwork plus his own), Vinnie and Minka decided to get married to make things easier next year. Neither of them really see marriage as importantly as the others do so one random tuesday they text the group chat like "heeyyyyyyyy. guess who just got married.... US 🥂🥳🙌🍾" leading to complete chaos. Now, the only time they bring it up is for the bit. Like, they constantly threaten to divorce each other over minor things like eating the last bagel and stuff like that.

Minka keeps mementos of every date she goes on, which has led to her having a bit of a hoarding problem. This plus the constant smell of paint makes it the apartment her partners end up staying at the least.

They are all saving up to hopefully buy some sort of house/apartment together one day, but for now, they just have to make sure they bring their own sleeping bags whenever they all stay the night together.

As you can assume in a relationship with seven people, there are a lot of communication issues and little spats between them. Usually things blow over within a few days, but if needed, Sunil, Penny, and Zoe are always good at helping with relationship drama. If those three are arguing, however, the only thing you can do is wait it out.

At the start of the relationship, there was a lot more jealousy within the group (ex. Sunil getting jealous of Zoe for watching a new horror movie with Vinnie when they usually do that together), but now, they've found solutions to pretty much all of their group's problems.

They love a cuddle pile. If someone's on the couch watching their favorite show, within an hour there will be at least 2 other people snuggled up next to them. A lot of times, they have to get pretty creative fitting 7 grown adults on one little couch but that has never stopped them before.

Might do a few more of these on my own at some point, but hopefully you enjoy!

edit: forgot to tag moose oops @themightymoose

#some of this is word salad ik #also im pretty this was requested like a month ago sorry #octo's yapping #lps 2012 #littlest pet shop 2012 #sunil nevla #vinnie terrio #russell ferguson #minka mark #pepper clark #penny ling #zoe trent #polypets

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an0nfr0mth3d3n · 1 year ago

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Ever heard the ‘Foolish and Bad are divorced’ theory? Here’s totally what happened.

Bad probably lost one of his lovers, and it happened to coincide with Foolish losing one of his lovers, and usually what happens is they seek each other out and cry about it (well Bad cries, Foolish makes a bunch of really sad and deprecating jokes because humor is his coping mechanism).

Well when the coincidence happens, they both end up finding each other and just, venting about mortals and how immortality sucks sometimes, until Bad is like, “gosh darn it Foolish I can’t go through this again. Can you just marry me so we can find love together and not get love-trapped by stupid mortals again?”

(I’m aware the words are out of character but if it was in character the amount of dodging and implying would take up several paragraphs and I’m not doing that)

And Foolish laughs and is like “Aaa fuck it. Might as well try I guess, your stupid ass is the only one who doesn’t leave anyways”

It’s very unofficial, they don’t go to a church or anything, and their rings are just mismatched random rings that Bad stole, but they both have weird and mixed feelings about this.

Bad says he’s sure they’ll love each other eventually (I hc him as demiromantic because it’s on the spectrum and because also that’s me too so yippee)

It takes a day or too before Foolish can’t take it any longer. Not only is it too soon, but when he takes a step back from his grief and actually imagines being in a somewhat romantic relationship with Bad, he wants to puke and roll over and die somehow. Also probably had something to do with the fact that Bad started moving in to his current build project and setting up space there and usually it’s not a promising sign for a marriage if you started the day after absolutely strangling your partner.

Bad also realizes this too. The thought of a traditional marriage at ALL has never sounded appealing. He isn’t one to get domestic with it, and despite trying to set up a home with Foolish sounds unappealing (noooo had nothing to do with the current bruises on his neck right now…) Bad lived for adventure, and liked solitude once in a while, and marriage was just a tether that promised no benefits except for tax purposes and he already evades taxes anyways.

They both fight each other to be the once that divorces the other, and they start by making this EVERYONES problem. They never had a traditional wedding, but they DID go to an official divorce court, making it a point to hire the best talent with divorce lawyers out there. Not that there was much to go on, they were only married for a handful of days, and it wasn’t even official so the lawyers have no clue what to do. They go with it anyways because it’s a totem shark and a demon and they are already beating the shit out of each other in the middle of the court, and the lawyers did NOT want to get in the middle of that.

Bad of course tries to weasel his way into getting 50% of Foolish’s build, and Foolish gets impatient with the court and just attacks Bad himself, fed up at the consistent attempts to steal his build.

They both roll around on the ground, biting, kicking, punching, and both of them are smiling through it. They can lean on each other when times get tough, but Landduo will NEVER stoop to petty human traditions ever again.

(whoops this turned into a mini hc fic)

#badboyhalo #foolish #landduo #foolhalo

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kandisheek · 3 months ago

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FIC REC WEEK 45 – FAKE RELATIONSHIP

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: 27dragons

27dragons writes some of my favorite Winteriron dynamics, period. Both Bucky's and Tony's voices are perfect, and they're such dorks in love that it makes my heart melt every time. Since I especially love their fake relationship fics, I decided to rec them here, but honestly, you should just check out their entire AO3 catalogue, everything on there is fantastic.

Here's some of their work that I think you should check out:

Freedom in These Bonds

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: E Words: 18,314 Tags: A/B/O, Arranged Marriage, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting

Summary: Tony’s been accepted to M.I.T., which only admits a small percentage of omegas each year. He can’t wait to get there, to stretch his intellect and broaden his horizons. There’s only one small wrinkle: omega students have to be married.

Reasons why I love it: Aaaah, this one is so good! Bucky is such a green flag all around, and I was constantly awwwing throughout the whole bonding ceremony and everything that comes after. Plus, the smut is hot as hell. This fic is amazing, and you should definitely read it!

Brideprice

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: E Words: 31,974 Tags: Post-Apocalyptic, Arranged Marriage, Canon-typical Violence

Summary: An event known only as the Sundering destroyed civilization as it had been known. Now, several hundred years later, humans have banded together in tribes that war over resources and scramble for ways to deal with the occasionally-deadly mutations that the Sundering left in its wake. The Avengers thought they would be the next victims of the Hydra tribe’s steady expansion and subjugation, but instead, Hydra approached them with an offer of alliance, including a bride for Tony, the Avengers’ second-in-command, to symbolize the union of the two tribes. But neither Tony’s bride nor the alliance turn out to be what the Avengers were hoping for.

Reasons why I love it: Aside from the fake marriage – which is superb in and of itself – I really love the worldbuilding in this one. All of the lore surrounding the Sundering is super intriguing, and the way that 27dragons plays with Marvel canon here is so much fun. It's really well-paced, and the characterizations are on point. I love this one, and I really hope you check it out for yourself!

Don't Be a Disaster (Be Mine)

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: T Words: 5,318 Tags: No Powers AU, Coming Out, Getting Together

Summary: Unexpectedly, Tony is alone for the holidays. He hates being alone, but surely his genius brain will come up with something. Bucky can deal with the stress of having lost his arm, or the stress of remaining in the closet with his family, but not both. And only one of those things is in his control. But coming out to them when he doesn't even have a boyfriend is nervewracking, to say the least. A chance meeting on the subway may solve both of their problems... and give them both a gift they weren't even looking for.

Reasons why I love it: Christmas with the Barnes' sounds so cozy! I love Tony's characterization here, Bucky absolutely stood no chance against his charms. And the way they meet is hilarious, I enjoyed every second of it. This fic is wonderful, and you should definitely read it!

Can't Talk (Like Real Adults)

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: E Words: 30,264 Tags: Marriage Pact, No Powers AU, Idiots in Love

Summary: Bucky and Steve made a pact when they were young, that if they were both still single when they were thirty, they’d marry each other. Bucky could think of a lot of worse things than being married to his best friend. They already live together, the tax benefits would be pretty awesome, and he could stop worrying about growing old alone. That is, until he met Tony Stark. Yes, that Tony Stark. Rich, gorgeous, smart, fun, great in bed, and... actually interested in Bucky? Tony didn’t really do dating. It was too depressing to waste his time with borderline stalkers, fortune hunters, people just crossing off their bucket lists, and worse. He’d pretty much resigned himself to a lifetime of one-night stands. And then he met Bucky. Hot, nerdy, relaxed, and utterly nonchalant about the whole “Tony Stark” package in an extremely appealing way. There was just one problem: Bucky was engaged to someone else.

Reasons why I love it: Oh my god, this fic gave me everything I could ever want in a fic. They're both such fucking dumbasses – Bucky more so than Tony, but still – and I love every second of the drama. Also, the intimate scenes are just incredible, 27dragons and tisfan write these two idiots so well. Definitely check this one out, I bet you'll love it just as much as I do!

If Only in My Dreams

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: E Words: 16,954 Tags: A/B/O, Mutual Pining, Christmas

Summary: Despite presenting late, Tony's father never had any doubt that Tony would follow in his footsteps and be an Alpha. So it is with more than mild dismay that Tony finally presents shortly before exams... as an Omega. Now he's got to go home for the holidays to fend off his parents' outdated notions, including his father's attempts to arrange a Bond for him. Bucky's had a crush on Tony since they first met, more than a year ago, but he keeps finding excuses not to express his interest. When Tony admits that he's looking for an Alpha to bring home to pretend to be courting him, Bucky volunteers before he can really think about what he's doing. But it's only for a few days. Everything will be fine.

Reasons why I love it: Oh man, I really feel Bucky in this one. If I saw anyone living in the kind of family dynamic Tony is living here, I'd want to take them far away too. Thank god for Ana and Jarvis! I love how Tony's relationship with Howard especially is explored here, and Bucky's reaction to everything is fantastic. Plus, the Winteriron Christmas fluff is so sweet, it makes up for all of the family angst. I love this one, and I bet you will too, so I hope you give it a shot!

#marvel #fanfic #a year in fanfic recs #fic rec #fanfic rec #ficrec #winteriron

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starrycassi · 1 year ago

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Out of character.

Andrew is the last person that one would expect to be insecure about himself. But, sometimes, some days, some nights.

Or the one where Nicky indirectly causes his cousin's marriage.

When Neil wakes up, the air is wrong.

Instinctively, he checks his own pulse, to make sure that he isn't having a heart attack. He isn't, so, that is good. He checks his own breathing, sits down in bed and looks around, makes sure that his body is okay. Or as okay as it can be after a specially rough night in the rink. US against Canada, the match of the year.

They won, so, that is good. His inner health is okay, also. No signs of any panic attacks coming, or anything of the sorts. Betsy taught him how to identify them.

The air is still wrong.

He takes a deep breath. It isn't the putrid, nose-clogging, overly sweet fragrance he is used to, and that's not good. It isn't sugary syrup and chocolate pancakes, it isn't colorful cereals and strawberry milk. It isn't anything Andrew usually ate for breakfast.

That sets off all his alarms. That was not good. Andrew, like him, has good days and bad days and days when eating is too much of a task for him to perform and he ends up just wanting to sleep in all day. Neil takes care of him, those days. Brings him food, water, and tries to be as quiet as possible throughout the day. If he can't do it, Renee will, and if they can't, Kevin will, and sometimes even Aaron shows up. Nicky's living in Germany now, but he makes sure to video chat often enough.

It's 8 am, already. Neil usually wakes up earlier. He runs out of the bed and into the kitchen, worried. What if it is too late, too late to cook, too late to bake, too late to order delivery, too late to call for an ambulance, too late to give him cpr, too late to-

Andrew is just sitting there, peacefully. In front of him, a bowl of salad. He's eating it

That is weird. Neil's brain doesn't have enough information about the situation to actually do anything. He locks his eyes in Andrew's face, and stares.

Andrew looka up, places his fork down in the green-filled bowl, and smiles.

That isn't good. Oh, God.

Neil suddenly feels so, so lost. He's seen Andrew smile a hundred times before. Under the meds, he smiled all the time; after that, just in a couple of very quick, small gestures on very certain events. A "blink and you'll miss it" situation.

This isn't genuine. This looks copypasted, and suddenly they are 19-ish again, sitting at the bleachers of the PSU exy's court, Andrew smiling at nothing and Neil frowning at him.

"Did you sleep well, honey?"

Wrong. Andrew's voice usually doesn't sound like that. He never says "honey". His tone is off. Is he mad? Playing a prank? Neil's heart skips a beat. The only logical explanation is that, somehow, in the middle of their slumber, Katelyn and him swapped minds and this man in front of him is, actually, Aaron. But this is his mind, and his body, and his house, so not that.

The other suitable theory is that Andrew was been cloned by idiot aliens in his sleep. That seems better.

"Neil? I asked... I asked if you slept well, baby?"

Neil takes one step back.

Andrew and him are not some sort of loveless, tragic, doomed marriage. They are a happy "technically we're secretly married just for the legal and tax benefits" couple, and Andrew is a lovely "technically" husband. He brings Neil new notebooks with funky covers for him to do maths and doodle on, he makes sure that Neils running shoes are in their best shape and a pair is always by the door and ready to be used, he buys electrolytes and a lot of vegetables he doesn't even like, he does small, little things, everyday, to make his "technically" husband's life better.

He never, EVER, calls him baby, though. As a joke, perhaps. When he wants to point out his stupidity and immaturity. Never as a pet name.

This is wrong.

Andrew, smiling, squinted at him. He isn't wearing his glasses. He isn't in his usual outfit. There was more skin showing than it would usually be. Andrew wore pants and long sleeves whenever he could, and this isn't exactly a babydoll, but he's wearing nothing more than his boxers and a wife-beater that belongs to Neil and looks way too tight and a bit too long on him.

He gets up, his smile carved into his face like a curse to bear and not the blessing to witness it usually was. He walks straight to Neil, and his eyes look completely out of it.

Neil should've dealt with things better. Realize that his "technically" husband is intoxicated. But instinct overtakes him, and in less than two minutes, he hastily puts on a pair of running shoes and leaves the house without a word.

He's a shitty "technically" husband.

To try and amend that, he stops in a park that he knows well by now, takes a few deep breaths, and calls Betsy Dobson.

Calling Betsy Dobson is one of his least favorite activities. That means something is wrong, and he kikes it when things are good.

(Andrew banned the word "fine" from the household. Good was an easy replacement)

So Neil calls Betsy and explains the situation with guilt, because leaving Andrew alone was a shitty move, Betsy confirms she will call Andrew, and Neil runs back to the house. Betsy calls him back in the middle of the way, says that Andrew's safety isn't compromised, and tries to get him to talk about himself and his feelings about the situation.

He hangs up.

He gets to the house in record time. The 20 minutes it usually takes him to return from the Gardenia Park turned into ten minutes, minutes crushed under his shoes, under his desperation to get back, under the curses at himself for his reaction, under his attempt to think about what is going on, and his many illogical ideal on how to deal with it.

Perhaps he shouldn't hang up on Dobson, in the future.

It's strange, but relieving, to see Andrew, his Andrew, open the door. Black sweater, grey sweatpants, glasses, Andrew. Mildly annoyed, quiet, Andrew. His "technically" husband. His lover. The man he loves. Really, actually, literally, loves.

Andrew rolls his eyes at him and his whole appearance, scowling, and the world is back on track, "Feeling better, rabbit?"

He moves from the door and Neil gets in, smiling. Yeah. Better. Rabbit is a lovely pet name. He likes it. Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit. He likes it. The world is spinning again.

"A bit. Feeling better, geumbal?"

Andrew stays silent, probably trying to remember what the foreign word means.

But that's fine. Uh, good. That's good. Neil drops himself on the couch, panting a bit. This was an extremely confusing situation, and he's beginning to question if it was real or he ran too much and his lack of oxygen made him halucinate or something when Andrew sighs, heavily, and asks, as a force of habit, "Yes or no?"

It's always a yes, and Neil says so. Andrew sits down next to him, and they aren't cuddling, but this is everything Neil could ever possibly have

"So..."

Andrew sighs, again.

"I'll say this, once. Coach sent us some vodka to celebrate yesterday's thing. I drank. Nicky called. He gave me some advice and I was intoxicated enough to try and follow it"

Neil can't help but burst out laughing.

The idea of Nicky trying to give Andrew some love advice is incredibly funny, but Andrew doesn't laugh, or chuckle, or call him stupid or something. He tenses his jaw and looks at the wall, and that's not good.

"I'm glad it was amusing to you, Josten"

"You're technically a Josten too, you know?"

That usually does it. Andrew turns around and Neil acts like he can't see the blush on his "technically" husband's face. Or he calls Neil a ridiculous sap. Or he vaguely says something about divorce rates on same sex couples.

Dobson would want them to talk about things. Andrew would probably listen to her advice and they'll do it anyway. So, might as well.

"Truth for truth. Yes or no?"

Andrew looks at him, lifting his eyebrows. He looks somewhat impressed. It's a spark, and then it's gone. They haven't been playing that, lately. They live, work and sleep together. There's no room for a lot of secrets.

"Yes. Ask"

Neil nods, and gets himself ready. He tries to think about the best, most cohesive way to word his question. Over the years, he's gotten better at covering all his bases in a single question, so Andrew can't claim that he should ask smarter questions if he wants better answers. But his brain is acting weird, and he hasn't eaten anything yet, and he's now used to breakfast, which, isn't it crazy, that Neil Josten is used to breakfast? And that someone usually cooks it for him? And that they share it, calmly and in silence, just because they're both free to do so?

"What led you to listen to Nicky when, before, you never really did that, even drunk or drugged?"

It's a bit of a tongue twister to spit out, but he manages just fine. Andrew frowns some more, and sighs, again. He looks everywhere but at Neil. He's ashamed. Sad. He's uncomfortable. But, he tells himself, he said yes, and this is Neil, and Neil would never hurt him on purpose. And he wants this. He wants to talk about it. And isn't it so crazy, that Andrew Minyard is going to talk about himself? And that someone will listen to him? Just because this is what they both want?

"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not perfect. And even more contrary to popular belief, I am aware of that. I know that I'm not the most pleasant person to be around. I was thinking about it, these days, you know, with the legal paperwork and that. I guess I want to change a bit. For the better"

It's nice, to say it to someone who isn't Bee. It's nice, to look into Neil's eyes and see the millions of emotions running under them. It's nice, to know that 14-yo Andrew Doe would never believe he can say those words to someone. It's nice, to know that 20-yo Andrew Minyard would never want to say those words to someone. It's nice, to be Andrew Minyard-Josten, and simply sit on the sofa and talk things through with his lover. It's nice, to have a lover he actually loves, and wants, and chooses.

Neil leans in, and he mutters the question, and Andrew says yes because he fucking wants to and not because someone is holding a knife to his throat or something like that. They kiss, slowly, with feelings and all that sappy bullshit Andrew Doe wanted to have. They kiss, kindly, and they're so close that Andrew Minyard would have a panic attack and lash out. They kiss.

Then they take a break to breathe. Andrew asks and Neil says no, whispering and chuckling like an idiot, and Andrew may be blushing from the heat of the moment, but he moves away from Neil because they're both safe here. Safe to say yes. Safe to say no.

"I just- I want my question. Ask me again after that"

Andrew doesn't really need to think this one through. His mouth moves before his brain does, vomiting his biggest worry at the moment.

"If you could, what would you... change, in me?"

It's a question he never planned on saying. It feels weird. Like someone else, some lovey dovey married moron, said it. But perhaps that's the kinda person he's becoming. After all, to be loved is to evolve, or something like that.

Neil hums in silence, and Andrew is AJ, Andrew Doe, Andrew Minyard and a ball of anxiety all at once, and then, "Well, full honesty? There's something I'm fucking tired of. I think it's utter bullshit"

And he gets down on one knee. And they didn't do this. They did the legal paperwork, but never this, not this, and Andrew can feel his heart stopping and his idiot of a soon-to-be-again husband has absolutely no ring but that's fine, that's fine because he has Andrew's heart and what else can they fuckin need?

"Andrew Minyard Josten. Yes, or no?"

He never planned this. He never even allowed himself to dream about this, but, God, he's earned it. He wants this, and the "technically" thing was getting old and the sun is coming from the windows and Neil looks somewhat like an angel and they're thirty already and isn't this so weird when did they turn thirty he never planned to make it this far and it's like ten am already and neither one of them's had an actual breakfast and they're both in pajamas and-

"Yes"

And they go back to the whole kissing thing.

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sixpossumsinaclownsuit · 10 months ago

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Remember kiddos, polygamy and polyamory was only demonized for four core reasons:

Tw: homophobia, sexism, religious commentary, political commentary, oppression

1.) America wanted more taxes

Part of the legal institutionalization of marriage is that there is tax benefits for the individual parties when they get married, and financial ties/power is attorney between married people. It becomes messy when these ties extend to multiple people/marriages and the I*RS wants they tax money, and America would rather just make an entire way of life illegal than make laws and systems that accommodate people. See point #4 for more on that

2.) Puritan culture (aka thinly veiled sexism)

Puritan culture relies heavily on systems of control that villainize sex and women (that's a whole other conversation but I won't digress), and lots of marriages/polygamous marriages having sex with each other is obviously bad bad bad!! Hard to control!! Save the defenseless women from their pimp husbands! Orgies, the devil's work! And...

3.) Homophobia

Good god, women being in marriages together! Married to a man, but what if these women end up by being married to each other by extension! And having sex with each other! And what if a woman marries more than one man! Would these men become inferior to their wives? Would one of these husbands be less dominant than another? Would the men function in these complex marriages like a woman?! Disgusting! That's gay (derogatory!) Would these husbands be having sex with each other? But that's gay and gay is bad! Sex is bad! God, purge these sinners of their Sodomy!

(Surprise surprise, homophobia has very little to do with actual gay people and has everything to do with puritan culture, control, sexism and the demonization of sex, and points two and three are actually the same thing)

4.) Christian nationalism

Polygamy and nonmonogamy is normalized and integrated with several non-Christian and alternative Christian cultures going back thousands of years, like Islam, Mormonism, feudal Japanese/samurai cultures, Hinduism, several Native American cultures, etc... even in the Bible in Judeo-Christian history and biblical era cultures nonmonogamy was normalized. Banning nonmonogamy in America is banning the right to engage in non-christian religious rite and practice. It's only something criminal to post-puritan Christians and those beliefs becoming law, regardless of other religious beliefs and practices also existing in America, is the unseparation of church and state.

So before you tell a polyamorous person "oh that's cheating with permission" or "I could NEVER do that," or "I love my partner too much to do that/cheat like that," remember that these are the institutions and the propaganda you're upholding with your judgement. Supporting/ being kind about polyamory is religious tolerance, and biting your thumb at the I*RS.

Tl:dr, the dissolution of separating of church and state, puritan culture and the sexism/homophobia associated with puritan culture is why nonmonogamy is demonized and why polygamy is illegal in America.

Tone indication/post intention: satirical and exaggerated tones criticizing longstanding institutions of oppression with the intent to explain why judging, hating or criticizing nonmonogamous practices is oppressive and a result of propaganda. This post is not intended to persuade people who practice monogamy to practice nonmonogamy instead or to demonize monogamy. It is intended to advocate for breaking the stigma around nonmonogamy.

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random-thought-depository · 2 years ago

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""Moreover, it turns out that the United States is not all that tightfisted when it comes to social spending. “If you count all public benefits offered by the federal government, America’s welfare state (as a share of its gross domestic product) is the second biggest in the world, after France’s,” Desmond tells us. Why doesn’t this largesse accomplish more?

For one thing, it unduly assists the affluent. That statistic about the U.S. spending almost as much as France on social welfare, he explains, is accurate only “if you include things like government-subsidized retirement benefits provided by employers, student loans and 529 college savings plans, child tax credits, and homeowner subsidies: benefits disproportionately flowing to Americans well above the poverty line.” To enjoy most of these, you need to have a well-paying job, a home that you own, and probably an accountant (and, if you’re really in clover, a money manager).

“The American government gives the most help to those who need it least,” Desmond argues. “This is the true nature of our welfare state, and it has far-reaching implications, not only for our bank accounts and poverty levels, but also for our psychology and civic spirit.” Americans who benefit from social spending in the form of, say, a mortgage-interest tax deduction don’t see themselves as recipients of governmental generosity. The boon it offers them may be as hard for them to recognize and acknowledge as the persistence of poverty once was to Harrington’s suburban housewives and professional men. These Americans may be anti-government and vote that way. They may picture other people, poor people, as weak and dependent and themselves as hardworking and upstanding. Desmond allows that one reason for this is that tax breaks don’t feel the same as direct payments. Although they may amount to the same thing for household incomes and for the federal budget—“You can benefit a family by lowering its tax burden or by increasing its benefits, same difference”—they are associated with an obligation and a procedure that Americans, in particular, find onerous. Tax-cutting Republican lawmakers want the process to be both difficult and Swiss-cheesed with loopholes. (“Taxes should hurt,” Ronald Reagan once said.) But that’s not the only reason. What Desmond calls the “rudest explanation” is that if, for whatever reason, we get a tax break, most of us like it. That’s the case for people affluent and lucky enough to take advantage of the legitimate breaks designed for their benefit, and for the wily super-rich who game the system with expensive lawyering and ingenious use of tax shelters.

And there are other ways, Desmond points out, that government help gets thwarted or misdirected. When President Clinton instituted welfare reform, in 1996, pledging to “transform a broken system that traps too many people in a cycle of dependence,” an older model, Aid to Families with Dependent Children, or A.F.D.C., was replaced by Temporary Assistance for Needy Families, or TANF. Where most funds administered by A.F.D.C. went straight to families in the form of cash aid, TANF gave grants to states with the added directive to promote two-parent families and discourage out-of-wedlock childbirth, and let the states fund programs to achieve those goals as they saw fit. As a result, “states have come up with rather creative ways to spend TANF dollars,” Desmond writes. “Nationwide, for every dollar budgeted for TANF in 2020, poor families directly received just 22 cents. Only Kentucky and the District of Columbia spent over half of their TANF funds on basic cash assistance.” Between 1999 and 2016, Oklahoma directed more than seventy million dollars toward initiatives to promote marriage, offering couples counselling and workshops that were mostly open to people of all income levels. Arizona used some of the funds to pay for abstinence education; Pennsylvania gave some of its TANF money to anti-abortion programs. Mississippi treated its TANF funds as an unexpected Christmas present, hiring a Christian-rock singer to perform at concerts, for instance, and a former professional wrestler—the author of an autobiography titled “Every Man Has His Price”—to deliver inspirational speeches. (Much of this was revealed by assiduous investigative reporters, and by a 2020 audit of Mississippi’s Department of Human Services.) Moreover, because states don’t have to spend all their TANF funds each year, many carry over big sums. In 2020, Tennessee, which has one of the highest child-poverty rates in the nation, left seven hundred and ninety million dollars in TANF funds unspent."

- The New Yorker: "How America Manufactures Poverty" by Margaret Talbot (review of Matthew Desmond's Poverty by America).

#that last quoted paragraph is infuriating #class politics

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