dont-read-this-im-dead
dont-read-this-im-dead
You can't catch me, I'm already a butterfly
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 9 hours ago
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Me, insanely tired after not sleeping well for a week: you...i forgot your name.
Coworker: *gasp* 🥺😢😭
Me: ...[his name]! I knew it was in there somewhere!
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 17 hours ago
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bi coworker: you're so pretty.
Me: I'm gonna tell your boyfriend you're flirting with me.
Bi coworker: so I have this plan. Hear me out. You should be my mistress!
Me: 🤣🤣
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 1 day ago
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Bi coworker: I love you so much.
Me: careful, I'm gonna steal you away from your boyfriend.
Coworker: that's alright, he knows.
Me: 😂😂
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 2 days ago
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Me: if I were into girls, i'd totally go for you.
Bi coworker: If I wasn't madly in love with my boyfriend, I'd totally go for YOU!
Me: aww! I love you too!
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 2 days ago
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I accidentally gave my therapist an idea for a homework assignment today, and now I have homework, and I told him I hate him.
He said, "I'm okay with that."
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 3 days ago
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WHO, IN THEIR RIGHT FRIGGIN MIND, WOULD BRING A GUN TO AN ELIOT FIGHT?????
Was talking with someone the other day and they were like no matter what if I have a gun drawn in a fight I win no questions asked. And I was like unless you’re in a fight with Eliot Spencer and the he had the AUDACITY to argue with me about it. Like buddy no, everyone knows you don’t bring a gun to an Eliot Spencer fight that’s the number one way to lose.
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 3 days ago
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Eliot will grumble and roll his eyes at Parker's jokes and yell at Hardison for goofing off- because he's the serious professional angry guy- and then two seconds later he'll be yes anding Parker about a secret time machine or singing along to the silly chase music Hardison wrote for them. Face it man, you're endeared by those weirdos. You're not fooling anyone. You love that they're silly and goofy and that they make you be silly and goofy with them.
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 4 days ago
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Man I just got a hand it to Leverage for being the best possible vehicle for explaining the evils of the world to a kid. My ten year old is currently deeply into Leverage, and we watch an episode together maybe three or four nights a week. Initially the draw was the heist (she saw Ocean's 8 and was delighted and wanted more), now she's hooked on the characters like we all are.
But man like. The kid learned tonight what child abuse was because she watched Eliot threaten to throw an abused down a stairwell and then make real damn sure the marshalls found that kid and helped him. Later while we're picking berries she says "hey mom, why do you think Eliot figured that out? Nobody else noticed that kid was in trouble."
"Huh yeah, that's a great question."
"is it just because he likes to hit people? But probably not, remember when Sophie said Eliot fights to survive."
Ten minutes later she says, "maybe he knows about that because it happened to him."
Five minutes later, "so maybe now he knows how to look out for other kids."
And then we talked about how teachers and doctors are mandatory reporters and what that means but like, her budding knowledge of adult life is couched in how people fight the bad shit and I fucking love it
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 4 days ago
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Me: hey! It's my favorite [student's name]!
Student: what was your name again?
Me: 🤣🤣🤣
(I feel like I should be insulted, but it was SO funny)
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 5 days ago
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YASSSS. ANOTHER ONE FOR THE WIN! 😁😇
Okay, y'all, fine. I submit. I'm watching Leverage. Are you happy?
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 5 days ago
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 6 days ago
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sophie, circa 2009: so then there’s parker-
tara: wait, THE parker?? shit, isn’t she crazy?
sophie: no! don’t say that, she’s so sweet! we’ve been working hard on grifting skills and she’s really improving! no more stabbing - well, knock on wood - and the other day she even offered to throw me off a building. i think we’re really making progress.
tara: are you hearing yourself
sophie: wait wait wait, just look at this photo! here she is dressed up for a grift - i picked the costume out for her - isn’t she just adorable? <3
tara: …alright. next time maybe just adopt a cat instead of, you know, the world’s greatest thief.
——
sophie, circa 2023: my stepdaughter, astrid, who i [presumably] never told you about came back into my life recently.
tara: i - okay. sure.
sophie: she’s an interpol agent working for sterling and she’s doing such a great job hunting people down. she even found out multiple aliases of mine! i’m so proud! i initially thought she’d want to toss me in prison or get revenge on me because her father sort of died of a broken heart when i left, but she’s actually very kind and just as adorable as ever! we’re getting tea next monday :)
tara:
tara: where are you finding these people. do you have some kind of magnet
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 6 days ago
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I love that Eliot’s issue with keeping the bat cave was that you couldn’t get a car in there, and that you can’t have a bat cave without a bat car
And I love that Hardison’s rebuttal was, “Hear me out. Two words: Eliot Signal.”
And I love that Parker knew that when Eliot dies he wants his body to be eaten by wolves. I love that Hardison made their new base a brew pub because he knew Eliot couldn’t resist. I love that Parker measured his head for his inevitable robot body, and that when it comes to relationships she immediately includes him with her and Hardison. I love that Hardison made him Mr Punchy, and the hyper-energetic Japanese energy drink commercial, and that he made up the song Two Good Ol’ Boys Behind the Wheel for them. I love that Parker heard him out when she wanted to kill the mark and trusted that he really would have her back, like he always does. I love that she asked him to teach her how to love food because he loves food. I love that Hardison loves him so much that even though he trusts Eliot to protect him, he doesn’t want to see him get hurt because of him, but he also doesn’t ask him to consider stopping.
I love how much Parker and Hardison understand Eliot
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 7 days ago
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Fun fact! I did not get my driver's license until I was 27! I HATED driving. I still do not like it, but I'm much more comfortable with it now. I LOATHED driving. Everyone in my family thought I was insane, but I just could not feel safe trying to maneuver this 2 ton piece of machinery on a road with other 2+ ton pieces of machinery with drivers that thought it was okay to break every single road law.
It's TERRIFYING!
Also, after it was discovered that I have ADHD, it actually made SO much more sense to me, because I don't have hardly any depth perception.
I started learning how to drive when I was 16, and it took me 11 years to get comfortable enough with it to drive on the road with other people. 11 YEARS! I would just get jobs that I could walk or bike to during that time frame, so I wouldn't have to ask people for rides.
So if you feel embarrassed for getting a driver's license late/not at all, hate driving, etc. you're not alone. But also, you don't have to be embarrassed about it. Cars are not exactly designed for safety. They're seriously terrifying.
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comic about driving i guess
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 7 days ago
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oh, you mean instead of the "unions are evil, stealing your money, and shutting down companies by cutting their bottom line and making everyone lose their job" conversation?
Vastly different, I'd imagine.
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 8 days ago
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i literally thought this was a pen sketch at first. I had to stare at it for like, a whole minute before I could convince my brain it wasn't.
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dont-read-this-im-dead · 8 days ago
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White Collar is crazy it's like they put 90% of their "writing women like people" points into Elizabeth, the remaining 10 into Diana, and then just never hit a home run again. But we still have El in almost every episode to remind us that they COULD
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